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extravaguk · 3 years

Text

sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah."

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be.

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam.

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did.

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy.

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you.

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before.

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself.

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness.

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that.

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore.

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does.

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?"

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face.

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up.

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago.

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him.

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick.

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes.

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back."

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air.

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips.

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this.

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

"I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..."

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much.

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way.

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend.

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully.

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in.

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much.

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny.

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now.

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit."

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh.

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features.

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you.

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest.

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you.

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt.

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside.

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!"

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements.

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost.

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish.

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing.

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock.

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats.

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass."

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again.

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-"

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time.

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit.

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display.

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum.

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features.

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing.

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going.

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place.

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'.

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence.

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season.

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class.

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together.

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together.

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him.

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction.

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb.

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms.

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed.

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you.

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you.

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation.

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel.

"_____," he calls you gently, but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body.

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time.

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable.

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak.

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue.

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips.

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss.

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks.

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place.

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek.

"Did I give you permission to talk?"

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass.

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more.

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?"

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly.

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles.

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest.

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds.

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek.

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off.

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him.

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing.

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees."

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow.

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you.

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo.

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours.

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you.

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock.

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release, but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics.

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go."

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #FINALLY #took me a month to gain motivation and inspiration back!!!

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starlight-writes-stuff · 3 years

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hey! i sent in the ask for the party fic with ethan (which was so good holy shit) and i was hoping you could do the SFW alphabet for him? can I be ⚙️ anon, as well? (get it?)

⚙️anon (thats so clever ily for it) , welcome !! im sorry this took me forever , but here’s your sfw alphabet - this came so easy to me i spend too much time consuming ethan content - anyway ! i really hope you enjoy this ((: reblogs are always appreciated <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE : soft , fluffy ethan content , no tws ! also , yall rockin with the new blog theme ⁉️

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

ethan is incredibly affectionate in all senses of the word- big gestures, small moments, and everything in between. he brings you flowers or food quite often, just something small to show you that you were on his mind while he was out and about. you two would have a designated date night once a week where he’d clear his schedule to spend quality time with you; either taking you out to dinner or cooking and watching movies at home with spencer. also, ethan would definitely go out of his way to do little things around the house to help you out - washing the dishes, vacuuming, folding the laundry. however, ethan wouldn’t shy away from larger gestures of affection, either: he’d take you on surprise vacations or road trips for holidays or anniversaries.

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

being ethan’s best friend would be so much fun. he’s definitely the kind of guy that would send you a text when he was 10 minutes away from your house because he was bored and wanted to go do something together. you’d never be bored around ethan- he can talk for hours, and would 100% know how to make you laugh, even if the two of you were just chilling on the couch. a friendship with ethan would be filled with adventures; concerts, midnight snack runs, campouts in the backyard and lots of fun with spencer.

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

yes, 100%. thinking back to unus annus, ethan was a vvv touchy guy with mark, and i think that would only be amplified with his significant other- touch is one of his love languages, for sure. he’d be the type to always have some soft of physical connection; a hand on your thigh while he drives, mindlessly drawing patterns over your skin while your working, aways holding your hand in public type beat. if ethan wasn’t getting your attention when he wanted it he, would not hesitate to pick you up over his shoulder and carry you to the closest soft surface before plopping you down and wrapping you in his arms. i think he’s probably a fan of having you laying on your side, facing him so that he can hold you, but still see your face/ talk to you. he’d also love laying on your chest because he’s such a boob guy but that’s a conversation for another time ,,,,,

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

i think that if you and ethan were committed and had been dating for a while than he would absolutely want to settle down- but i feel like dating ethan would also include being around each other all the time (constant sleepovers while you aren't living together) so it wouldn’t be that drastic of a change. while he was living on his own, though, ethan obviously had to take care of himself, so he taught himself to cook and clean and do general, domestic tasks. i think he’d be a really good partner when it came to things around the house like that; ethan would always do his fair share and would pick up anything that you needed him to.

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

ethan just comes off as a very feeling, sensitive person (his brand is literally soft boy what do u expect), so i think breakups would be really hard for him. he wouldnt break up with his s/o until he was 10000000% positive that it as the right choice, and had thought through it multiple times. even then, it would rip his heart out to end things- he wouldn’t be afraid to show his emotions. ethan would definitely break up with whoever he was dating in person- he knows that he owes them that.

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

okay, this one is up in the air for me. i definitely feel like ethan would settle down with his person and be completely loyal to them- thats a no brainer. i just don’t know how he feels about marriage? i feel like ethan wants a life partner, i just dont know if he would marry them. (this could 1792049384% be my personal bias peeking through because i think marriage is fkn weird, but for some reason i think he would too ????? maybe thats just me)

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

ethan is just ,,,,, soft hearted, dude. he’s just gentle in general. i think emotionally he’s a total teddybear, and he feels all his emotions incredibly deep- he rules with his heart, for sure. he wants to make sure that everyone around him is happy, and if they arent, it would affect him more than he’d like to admit. physically, ethan can vary- like i said, he’s always touching you in some way, but i think he’d be down for getting a little rougher in bed when you guys want to.

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

ethan is an envelope-the-whole-ass-person kinda hugger, hug-with-your-whole-body type deal. if you look at pictures from unus annus, even old old pictures from the tour he did w/ mark, ethan is always completely wrapped around someone, hugging them with everything in him. i think if his s/o was shorter, he’d love to stack his head on top of theirs, and if y’all were around the same height, he’d bury his face in your neck. he’s very huggy- when you’re out and about, he’s always hugging you from behind, pulling your body closer to his. i also think ethan would love koala hugs, where he was sitting and his s/o wraps their arms and legs around him- he’d sit like that forever, rubbing up and down your back.

i = i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

hhhhhhhhhh don't clock me for this one, yall- if ethan was feeling some type of way, he would tell you. i don't think the length of the relationship would matter as much to him as the intensity and depth of his feelings; if ethan really truly loved you and wanted to say it, he would. he’d definitely preface it with the fact that you didn’t have to say it back, that he just wanted to get it on the table and out of his head.

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

ethan would be very secure in his relationships, and i think it would take a lot to get him jealous. however, when he was,,,,,,,, it wouldnt be pretty. like, at all. if it was a situation where someone was hitting on his s/o, he wouldn’t step in until you’d already tried to get them to leave you alone- not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew that if he did, it would get ugly. when he did step in, he’d start by saying something (not kindly worded, but to the point), and if that didn’t work i don’t think ethan would be above getting physical- he’s extremely protective of you.

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

I THINK ABOUT THIS A LOT AND I HAVE SO MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY SO THIS ONE’S GOIN IN BULLET POINTS , GANG

okay- ethan loves to kiss you. he just loves kisses- they feel so personal and intimate to him, and he kisses you all the time, everywhere

he’ll dip you and kiss you in the middle of the grocery store aisles, he dgaf

but i think his favorite spots for kissing you would be your forehead, your lips (duh), collarbones/shoulders, down your spine and on your inner thighs hngggggg

but it goes vice versa too

ethan wants ALL your kisses . all of them , everywhere

He’s such a sucker for you kissing his neck and you cant talk me out of that (:

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

cute. literally so cute. i think that ethan would love other people’s kids, but definitely doesn’t want any of his own- at least, not right now. however, with other people’s babies he is S O F T; he loves to hold them, and would absolutely offer to try and calm a crying baby down, rocking them and singing soft lullabies to calm their woes. i also think that he would LOVE toddler aged kiddos- like 3-6. he’d be cool uncle ethan, playing catch with them, taking them to the park, finding games to play and always letting them win. he’d totally try to teach them how to ride their bike, or how to do a cartwheel, or how to jump off the swings for maximum height. ethan would totally bring them a fun lunch at school or sneak the kid’s favorite candy over to them and eat it together in a secret spot.

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

mornings with ethan would be slow and lazy and filled with golden light filtering in through the blinds. if he woke up first, ethan would be as soft as humanly possible in order not to wake you up & would sneak downstairs to make coffee and start breakfast for the two of you, sometimes bringing it up to surprise you with breakfast in bed. the two of you would spend an hour (at minimum) in bed together, waking up and peppering each other with soft pecks all over. i think ethan would be extra soft™ in the mornings- he’d be super cuddly and affectionate.

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

nights spent with ethan would always hold a sort of unexplainable magic- there’s something about the thought of falling asleep next to him thats just so… comforting? he’d be so warm and easy to fall asleep with, all soft and hazy and gentle; he’d fall asleep holding you as big spoon, but when y’all woke up he’d be wrapped in your arms, laying on your chest. also, if you were having a hard time falling asleep, ethan would stay up with you, talking through whatever was on your mind even if he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think that ethan would open up more and more as the relationship progresses, going along with the natural advancement of things unless something happened that made it crucial for him to open up; if that did happen, though, you wouldn’t have to pry anything out of him. ethan is a pretty honest, open person and wants to be transparent with you always- trust is something that he values above all else and he wants to remain very truthful with you.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

ethan is incredibly patient and understanding- it would take a lot to truly upset him. sure, the two of you would get into little tiffs here and there about stupid things, but the small arguments would be resolved within the hour with lots of hugs and kisses and soft “im sorry”s. however, if yall managed to get into a big argument, i think it would take ethan a bit to calm down and he would want to put some space between you two while he did- not to anger you any further, but to make sure that he didn’t say anything he didn't mean. ethan has a bit of a temper while he’s angry, and he wouldn’t want to say anything just to hurt you out of anger. after he cooled off he would come back and be willing to re-examine whatever had caused the issue with fresh eyes.

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

if you’ve watched ethan ever, you know that the sweet bby doesn’t remember shit (cue the instagram live thats purpose was to help him remember a word)- but listen. i think that ethan would go out of his way to hold on to little pieces of information about his s/o, and would put so much effort into trying to remember little details. he’d store them in his brain (things like your favorite flower, the brand of chocolate you like best, etc) and reference them when he needed.

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

a couple moments would stick out to ethan - when y’all first met being his favorite. he’d remember every detail of the moment he was first introduced to you; what you were wearing, where you were, what y’all had been doing that night. it was something that he though about a lot, actually- he loved to reflect on the way you’d blushed as he’d introduced himself, how you’d hugged him at the end of the night.

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

ethan isn't possessive, but he is incredibly protective of you. he secretly hates whenever someone flirts with you, even if it’s strictly platonic- you're his s/o, and he doesn't want anyone thinking any different. like i said earlier (reference letter j), ethan wouldn’t be afraid to step in and put someone in their place of they were getting a little too friendly. he likes when you’re protective of him as well, even if its something very subtle to show that he’s spoken for, such as calling him a nickname or dropping a kiss on his cheek.

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

romantic ethan my belOVED- he would try so hard. ethan would plan surprises for you for weeks before they would unfold, even roping your family and friends into his schemes. He’d be so creative with date ideas too; picnics, art classes, different seasonal excursions around california. For bigger occasions like anniversaries, holidays, birthdays and all that, ethan wouldn’t hesitate to go bigger- i definitely think he would take you traveling. he wants to see the world with his love :,)

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

ethan bites his nails, which is why he’d had you paint them- he’s trying to break the habit

he’s a very sweary human, but so are you; the only issue is he has no filter and accidentally swears in front of kids all the time lmao

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

eh. ethan is more particular about certain aspects of his appearance over others, but he’s generally well put together. he likes for his hair to look good, though- that’s the one thing that he’s picky about.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

ethan is his own person and is able to function on his own, but the two of you have developed a sense of codependency with each other, like any couple does. he can’t see his life without you at all anymore, and would much rather have you around than not. the two of you have fallen into a flow together- you and him against the world. life is much easier when you have another person on your team, and he’s honored that he gets to play that role for you.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

(this may or may not be a lil hint to a fic i'm working on shshhshshhhhhhhh)

on the night unus annus ended, ethan was a wreck - rightfully so

he had a bit of an existential crisis , and started to spiral a bit

you were worried about him , and knew that he would just continue to get into his own head

so you got him out of bed

and took him on a v special date

thats all for now ;)

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

ethan wouldn't like smoking (nicotine), and if that was a habit that you were willing to budge on, he would really try to help you break it.

overall, ethan is a very considerate and kind person, so someone that was rude or had a sense of entitlement just wouldn’t fit well with him.

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

ethan can’t fall asleep without background noise. his brain gets too loud when he’s just in bed in complete silence, for better or for worse; sometimes this leads to great video ideas or new concepts for the channel, but other times it just lead to him overthinking his life. when it was that kind of night, ethan would fall asleep to soft music or one of those white noise apps- then he became dependent on it to be able to fall asleep. something about filler noise managed to calm him right down and lull him to sleep, and he pays $5 a month for the premium version of his favorite white noise app.

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cottoncandyjester · 3 years

Note

Wait....Top Wholesome Y/N gets terrifying jealous. Can I request that!? Y/N wrap their arms around the yandere's waist (hugging them from behind) and lay their forehead on their shoulder. Y/N takes a deep sigh and looks at them with a glare full of anger (or horniness...but mostly Y/N being piss off.) Y/N whisper in their ear, "Let's go home...I need to release some steam." Yandere is unable to walk the next morning. (Can you write it about the yanderes who are just...bottoms? Or become a bottom when Y/N is a top? Thank you)

I just adore the thought of the yanderes being bottoms to a possessive y/n

Skipped hikaru cause he has a whole story bout him being a bottom

Didn't add scarlett cause there is no way she is a bottom, the only way she would ever bottom is if maybe she was with a feral reader

This story contains: smut, jealous reader, reader giving off soft yandere vibes

Theodore

Theo was incredibly handsome so it's only natural that someone would wish to flirt with him. He had took you to one of his favorite coffee shop for a relaxing date, all it took was you leaving to the bathroom only to return to have a flock of girls around him. "Oh, well thank you for such kind words but I'm on a date" it seems they weren't getting the hint so you walked over before simply plopping down in theo's lap a sharp glare on your face while the male pushed up his glasses his face red before he placed a hand on your thigh. "Theo, let's go home now."

Your hands gripped the male's hair as he felt like his hips were breaking from you slamming down on his cock over and over and over. "Y-y/n~ y-you're being too rough on me i-i cant-" his shaky words were met with a rough kiss before you pulled back watching his eyes get teary. "Who owns you and this cock?" Your voice was low and filled with a burning rage that you just had to release. With that you continued to ride him in such a way that drove him absolutely insane, you were definitely in control of this situation "y-you do! I-im all yours!"

Axis

"oh so you're blind? Poor baby. Must be hard on you."

Axis nervously stood waiting for you to show up to the movie theater for your date and while waiting some older women decided that he was just too adorable to pass up. The male tried to explain that he was on a date but it seems they weren't getting it "y-you all a-are really k-kind but I'm waiting for my-" his words were cut off when a scent hit his nose and like an excited dog he turned his head towards the smell before feeling a soft hand against his arm. It's you! He knew that smell anywhere! You wrapped your arms around his waist your breathing tickling his neck.

"hey babe, let's go home and watch movies instead okay?"

Axis drooled as he felt you grip his hair yanking his head close to your sex making him pleasure you while you pumped your fingers deeper into his hole. "You're such a sweetie, but you shouldn't be so kind to strangers ax it makes me sad" your pouting tone made the male whine and whimper as he trailed his tongue along your more sensitive of areas

"i-i never wanna make you sad..never! P-please forgive me y/n!"

Salem

Salem had his nature of docile and calm, moments where you two can go on a date on public without making a scene. Though feeling someone rub against him always riled him up so when you excused yourself to the bathroom while you do were eating breakfast at a diner it wasn't long until he had some flirty strangers sit beside him and rub along his thigh trying to take him home.

"you're hair is so pretty, I've never seen a boy with such pretty long hair" their voice was making salem's head spin though he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. His instant thought was downright gruesome they weren't you, so it was okay to eat them..right?

Salem started to drool which they must've taken as intense pleasure cause it wasn't long until he was backed into the corner of the booth trying to hold in his cannibalistic urges while he felt hands trail up his thighs. And soon the feeling was whipped away as you pulled the stranger away before grabbing salem's hand your eyes cold and filled with rage. It was time to go home

"who owns you?! Who owns everything about you?!"

Your voice was drowned out by salem's loud squeals and moans as you thrusted deep into his hole your hands gripping the leash connected to the collar around his neck that choked him. "Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!" His chanted got more and more whinier as you fucked him harder until he was sobbing and shaking under you. Salem was such a good boy

Prince

Prince was a total ladies man or at least he was until he met you, he had to let all his many one night stands know that he was off the market though some just didn't get the memo. "Come now princey, you really gonna say no to me? Don't you remember what we did right here after hours...we were so loud I'm sure the whole area heard it" prince nervously gazed at the female who sat at his bar clearly wanting another ride. His main worry was you coming back thinking he was unfaithful.

"Sorry but I don't put my dick just anywhere anymore"

"but you could, you always hated commitment so why bother now?"

Before prince can utter a word you were hopping over the bar without a single care in the world. "Hey babe, you done working?"

Prince admired your badass nature and simply nodded ready to go, though he missed that deadly glare you shot towards the slut.

"if your groupies can only see you now, whining and whimpering to feel an ounce of pleasure" you spoke lowly as prince bucked his hips up as you stroked his cock and fingered his hole but gave a frustrated huff when you stopped for the third time that moment, just as he was close you would stop and he was going crazy.

"p-please, have mercy"

"I'll think about it."

Yuki

Yuki gave off huge 'dont bother me' vibes but even still with that people would come up to him thinking they have a chance. You two were at the arcade and had split up since he had to use the bathroom, as he started to walk back to where you were he bumped into someone causing him to stumble back lightly. He looked and saw that it wasn't you so he proceeded to keep walking without speaking a word.

"don't leave a guy hanging now hot stuff!" The male stranger followed yuki who now scrolled through his phone ignoring the stranger but soon noticed they blocked his path. With a frustrated sigh he looked up his green eyes clearly bored and uninterested

"you're quite the looker..how about we go out together?"

"no."

They definitely wasn't expecting his dry and short response but when yuki suddenly felt himself being touched he cringed lightly making an expression one can see as cute. Having someone touch his chest that wasn't you gave him bad vibes, he didn't like that. Before he could take action you were at his side hugging against him calming his nerves down

"please don't touch him okay? He has anxiety" your sweet tone did not match your sharp glare or light scowl. With that you dragged yuki along who was more than eager to cling to you.

Yuki panted softly his back arching as you thrusted slowly inside of him making it unbearably slow, he needed more so much more and your teasing was making him crazy. "Come now, you can be louder than that can't you? Tell me what you want yuki"

"y-you, I want you..please y/n"

Rocket

Your beefed up boyfriend always got attention wherever he went, so going to the beach was probably a terrible idea honestly. You two found a perfect spot and once all set up rocket excitedly stripped out of his shirt, you definitely noticed all the stares from both male and females. Of course it wasn't long until a group of girls came up to him blushing and giggling, clearly wanting to ask him out

You sat next to him on the towel while he started to put sunscreen on, your glare was sharp as the girls started to flirt and gawk. "You're really ripped, do you work out or something?" Rocket who was oblivious as always proceeded to entertain them with his innocent answer. "Well we're going to play volleyball, of your sibling doesn't mind you leaving then maybe you can join us?"

SIBLING?! utter rage filled you but you forced a smile now standing up, rocket glanced your way and was about to correct the girls but you simply interrupted him. "Hey babe I think it's gonna start raining soon we should go" you were met by a pouty rocket who really wanted to go swimming but the two of you packed it up and went home.

The water grew cold as you stroked rocket's thick cock while standing behind him trailing kisses along his back feeling him shudder and squirm against your touch. "B-babe, I'm gonna- ngh! So good" his small moans always made you even hornier and it wasn't long until you had him pressed against the shower wall sliding inside of him and feeling his large body shiver at the feeling. Your hands going straight to his chest now groping it and squeezing his nipples

"I'll show you who you belong to"

Yuuta& yuuji

Having two boys meant twice the flirting and twice the annoying sluts bothering them. You three had taken a vacation to disneyworld and when your three weren't in the hotel fucking each other's brains out you were at the amusment park walking around and doing things.

"hey how about we ride that?" Yuuji pointed at a big roller coaster that made both you and yuuta worry about your life. As you three waited in line yuuta felt someone brush their hand against his waist, thinking that it was you he settled down not minding it until he nothing both your hands gripped yuuji's arm.

with wide eyes he turned only to see a random girl touching him but to make matters worse it seems yuuji got targeted as well by a boy, the twins had a look of discomfort. "Sorry me and my brother were wondering if you two would be open to a double date, you two are very cute and-" you cut them off with a loud fake yawn causing both boys to look towards you in worry their attention on you now.

"oh sweetie! Are you tired? We can go back to the hotel if you want?"

"damn y/n if you're sleepy you should have let us know!"

Wasn't long until you held both boys hands the three of you walking back to the hotel while you shot the strangers a hard glare.

"you two really are so cute, no wonder people fall for you." You eyed the two boys who both had their hands tied above their heads, blindfolds on while a line of sex toys sat at the end of the bed. You've been teasing their holes for the last hour and they couldn't take it much longer.

You pumped the toys into each of their holes watching their reactions, yuuji always gave the cutest moans while yuuta whined and let out small cries of bliss.

#yandere imagines #yandere ocs #yandere

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bittywitches · 4 years

Text

All Yours (Grayson Dolan Fanfic)

A/N: I’m so sorry I can’t really tell what this is anymore I just. Needed to finish it. This is absolutely way too long and prolly bad but here you go :)

Basically it’s just Grayson getting super duper jealous and paranoid of how close his girlfriend and Ethan are

Hope everyone’s doing well. Love you guys <3

Word Count: 4.6K

“E you’re literally kidding me right now.”

“Bro it’s literally true you’ve been here the entire time you have EVIDENCE!”

“OH MY GOD ETHAN your life was not going to shit because of mercury being in retrograde! That makes no fucking sense!”

“HOW can you say that-“

“Do you know what retrograde even IS?”

“Y/N y-“

“Shut the fuck up im trying to educate you. ‘Mercury being in rEtRoGrAdE’ is just us seeing mercury’s orbit from EARTH-“

“Dude-“

“LISTEN YOU DUMBASS it’s SCIENCE we’re just OBSERVING another orbit while we are ALSO orbiting around the SAME THING-“

“BRO I-“

“Grayson tell him he’s a fucking idiot!”

“HOE he’s literally the one who found the store to buy us those stones!”

She whipped her head around in shock with a slight undertone of disgust. “GRAYSON!”

Grayson looked up from his phone. “Do not drag me into this.”

“Grayson you fucking dUMBASS-“

“Baby-“

“PLEASE tell me it was a joke. You were just committing to the joke.”

He went back to his phone.

“GRAYSON PLEASE-“

“Y/N THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR HOW SHITTY THIS WEEK HAS BEEN-“ Ethan exclaimed.

“Oh I’m gonna-“ she jumped off the couch and lunged towards him, ready to pounce, but Grayson grabbed her waist to hold her back.

“Honey you have got to chill.”

“It is not my fault that Ethan can’t understand BASIC TENTH GRADE SCIENCE-“

“JOKE’S ON YOU I NEVER WENT TO TENTH GRADE-“

“You FUCKER-“

“BABE CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” He yanked her back, and she fell back on top of his chest.

“Can’t you open your mind for one second Y/N-“

“E stop instigating her!” He said, trying to keep a growling Y/N locked in his arms.

“It’s a COINCIDENCE! It’s a scientific phenomenon that happens with lots of satellites in space but has no relation to Earth or us whatsoever and has NOTHING TO DO with your SHITTY WEEK ETHAN! You are just incredibly unlucky!”

“Okay babe you’re actually scaring me maybe turn the rage down a bit?” Gray asked, trying for a soothing tone.

“And you on the other hand! Are you stupid? Are you literally stupid Grayson-“

“BABY-“

She bent down and bit on his arm and he yelped , letting go more out of surprise than in pain.

“Y/N WHAT THE FUCK?” He rubbed his arm and pouted at her.

“Everyone who lives here is a FUCKING IDIOT!” She yelled, storming out of living room and into the kitchen.

A few seconds pass.

...

“You’re not really mad though, right?” Ethan said quietly after clearing his throat.

Y/N walked back into the living room, now holding a bag of potato chips. “Nah, I’m just bored and wanted to argue.”

She plopped herself onto the couch next to Ethan and smiled at him, and he rolled his eyes, but it got a laugh out of Grayson.

“So we cool?” Ethan eyed her warily.

“Of course,” she laughed, then pecked him on the cheek. “I just thrive on dysfunction.” She popped a chip into her mouth.

“Yea she’s right about that..” Gray mumbled from his seat, still staring at his phone.

“Shut up, asshole.”

“Bitchass.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“So you do think our shitty week was because of mercury being in retrograde.”

Her laughter stopped when she turned around to look at Ethan. She blinked. “You’re kidding, right?”

“What? You just said-“

“Yea because I thought you were joking-“

“What? I wasn’t-“

“Oh my god don’t get me started-“

“LETS JUST WATCH THE MOVIE!” Grayson shouted, throwing his phone onto the counter.

Y/N snorted. “Jeez, Gray, it’s like you want us to stop fighting.”

“Yea, no doubt this is definitely turning you on right now.” Ethan wiggled his eyebrows, and Y/N spat from laughing so hard as she doubled over.

“EW what the F-” Gray screamed.

“It’s okay, you can be honest with us. It’s not your fault you’re into weird shit.” Y/N howled from laughter.

Grayson rolled his eyes. “Of course you two only stop fighting if it’s to make fun of me. I see how it is-“

“Bubba stop wallowing and start the movie!” Y/N threw a pillow at him, and it landed smack in his face.

“Nice shot.” Ethan remarked.

“Thank you, good sir.” She gave him a high five.

“God, this is one of those times I wish you guys weren’t friends first.” Grayson groaned, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on.

“Hey man, the one time I make a friend on my own and she ends up being your girlfriend. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, dude-“

“Don’t start with this shit again, E-“

“I mean I basically got you your girlfriend, you technically owe me bro-“

“Shut the fuck up E!”

“Excuse me,” Y/N interjected, shoving Ethan’s shoulder. “You didn’t do shit, okay? I honestly probably just got unlucky and ended up meeting you first instead of Grayson.” She smirked.

“Wow, okay, first of all, fuck you-“

“I'M PUTTING THE MOVIE ON!” Grayson shouted.

“Damn, baby, what’s got you in a bad mood today?” Y/N giggled, and Ethan snickered along with her. They constantly got into tiny fights about nothing just for fun, and it was what made their friendship so interesting. But they knew when to stop fooling around, and it seemed like now was one of those times.

Gray sighed. “Nothinggg, I’m just tired.” It wasn’t nothing, but he was tired. He kicked his feet up into the sofa and leaned back against the pillow. Ethan has already draped the big fuzzy blanket over him and Y/N.

“Baby..” Grayson whined. “Come over here. I wanna cuddle.”

“But it’s so faaar..” Y/N groaned. “And I’m already so cozy.” She smiled at him sweetly.

Grayson couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy from the look she gave him, but he was still disappointed. He slumped his shoulders and turned back towards the screen. “Whatever..”

“Aww, Baby, don’t be like that, then you’ll make me feel bad.”

“Jesus you guys are adorably disgusting.” Ethan cringed at you both, and Grayson groaned.

“Why, thank you, kind sir.” Y/N said, grabbing the blanket away from Ethan then scurrying over to Graysons sofa, making his eyes light up.

“Hey! I was using that.” Ethan grumbled.

“Sorry, it’s needed for cuddles which is more important than your lonely ass.”

“Why are you so mean to me?”

“Because you always forgive me right afterwards.” She gave him a cheeky grin, and he scoffed at her.

She turned to Grayson. “Okay, scooch over, you attention whore.”

“Hey-“

“I looove you.”

Grayson rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I love you too.” He shimmied over, letting Y/N crawl over him so she could nestle up close into his chest. Grayson then threw the blanket over both of them. She laid her head in the crook of his neck, and pressed a kiss there.

“You’re not mad, right?”

He looked down at her, wary. A little, he thought. “No.. why?”

“Dunno..” she shrugged. “Just feels like you are.”

“Well, I’m not.” He said, not with much enthusiasm. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Would you two stop whispering and start the movie already?” Ethan said, putting his feet up onto the counter.

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Gray reaches for the remote, and started the movie.

...

“There’s no way!”

Grayson groaned, finally waking up to the sound of chattering voices and giggling.

“He’d never do that.” He heard Y/N’s voice say.

He grumbled, rubbing his eyes, but then noticed that he couldn’t feel the weight of Y/N on top of him. He cracked his eyes open and found her missing from his arms. He then turned to find her sitting back over on the couch, next to Ethan.

“You don’t give him enough credit.” Ethan said, grinning.

“I’m not saying I blame him! It makes sense that he wouldn’t.”

He couldn’t explain it, but Grayson felt some sort of anger bubbling in his chest. Why did it seem like every moment he got with Y/N was being stolen? Was he no longer able to just fall asleep with his girlfriend in his arms? Did Ethan always have to be the one he saw instead?

“What’re you two girls giggling about?” He growled, throwing the blanket off of him as he sat up.

“Look who finally decided to wake up.” Y/N said, turning away from E to face him.

Grayson sighed. He couldn’t beat around the bush anymore, so he asked the obvious question. “Whatre you doing over there, baby?”

“Well, you fell asleep halfway through the movie. And you just looked so cute... I didn’t wanna wake you up.” She smiled at him, that familiar twinkle in her eye.

Gray tilted his head at her, unsure what to make of it. How did she always end up doing something sweet so he couldn’t stay mad at her?

“What are you guys talking about?” He asked again.

“Y/N was just telling me about this sex position you won’t try.” He snorted.

Grayson closed his eyes. “Please, dear god, tell me he’s joking.” He opened them again and looked at her.

She laughed, getting up and seating herself down next to him. “He’s joking, bub.” She gave him a side glance. “We were actually just talking about whether or not you’d give up your work for me.”

Grayson blinked, then turned to Ethan. “Are you trying to make me lose my girlfriend?”

He laughed. “No, we were just talking about the podcast and stuff, and she said how she’s never seen you as happy as you are doing that kind of stuff with anything else. To which I said, you’d give it all up in a second for her.”

“Okay I’m not confirming or denying anything-“ Grayson pressed a hand to Y/N’s cheek, “-I love you,-“ he added, getting a smile from her, “but I don’t feel like you’re in a position where you can make that kind of comment while I am unconscious and unable to defend myself.” He directed back at Ethan.

“Baby, relax.” Y/N took his hand from her cheek and pressed a kiss against his palm. “We were just talking. I just said that there’s no way you’d just give up on all of this. On everything. And that makes SENSE.” She said to Ethan. “No relationship should demand that you give up anything that important to you.”

“Right but I’m just saying-“

“Ethan maybe just shut up.” Gray interjected. “Just a little. Just shut up.”

Y/N laughed again. She cupped Grayson’s cheeks, turning his face towards hers, and pressed a quick kiss against his lips. “Sorry, Baby. Didn’t mean to make you all flustered right after you woke up.” She giggled.

Grayson sighed, but smiled. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re worth all this embarrassment.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yea, you’re right. I don’t.” He grinned.

“Okay, it’s getting too cute again. I’m going to bed before I puke.” Ethan got up, making a gagging gesture with his finger. “Gnight.”

“Night, E.” Y/N said, laughing as he walked out of the room.

“God, I thought he’d never leave.” Grayson pulled Y/N into his arms and kissed her face all over.

She giggled, pushing his face away. “What are you talking about? You literally just woke up.”

“And I was expecting to wake up to my girlfriends pretty face, not his nasty one.” He snuggled his nose into her cheek as she rolled her eyes.

“What’re you talking about.”

“I’m just saying that I don’t mind it when he’s not here to steal you away.”

“Steal me?” She finally got his face off of her and she looked at him, crossing her arms. “the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He gave her a mixture of a sigh and a laugh. “Nothing, babe.”

“Grayson.”

“Yes, Baby.” He pushed her hair back behind her shoulders.

She swatted his hands away. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged. “I’m just saying that when I fall asleep with my girlfriend in my arms, it isn’t the best feeling waking up to see her giggling with my brother.”

She sat up abruptly, almost knocking him in the face in the process. “What?”

“Nothingggg, never mind.”

“Grayson-“

“I love you,” he said.

“Ok we can’t keep saying that to avoid stuff!” She jabbed at him.

“I’m not avoiding anything, baby girl.” He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Y/N hesitated. “Bub...”

“Mmm.” He bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips. She held him there, as if she was testing him for something. But she couldn’t seem to figure out what.

They broke apart, and Grayson sighed against her lips.

“I hate that E had to meet you first.”

“Why?” She pulled away just enough to see his eyes.

“Because-“ he stopped, and breathed out. “Because I didn’t get to have you for as long as I could have.” He decided to say that instead, while pressing his forehead against hers.

“You have me now.” She said.

He smiled. “Yea...” he pulled back from her, a wistful sort of look in his eye.

Do I, though? He thought.

Grayson shook his head, then laid back on the couch, putting his arms back behind his head as he breathed out. He felt Y/N weigh down on his chest, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked down at him. She stayed like that for a while, watching him breathe and stare at the ceiling. He wanted to know what was running through her head, but he kept his eyes closed, knowing that if he did look at her he’d feel jealous all over again.

He hated the very idea of him being jealous in the first place. It was icky and weird, and quite frankly disgusting. What was he supposed to be jealous of?

Ethan.

He pushed that thought way, just thinking about it making him queasy. What the fuck was he thinking? How could he be jealous of Ethan when Y/N was his girlfriend? Sure, they were friends first, and yes that pissed him off to no end, but that’s all it was. They were just friends.

Right?

No.

Grayson brought his hands up to his eyes, somehow trying to rub the thoughts out of his head. He let out a loud sigh.

Why did she have to be like this? It’s not like he had a problem with her being close with Ethan. He loved that, and he always wanted his partner to have a good relationship with his brother. Ethan was super important to him, and he wanted both his love and his brother to be in his life. And that’s what he got, so he should be lucky right? He should be happy at the thought that the three of them could just hang out and things wouldn’t be weird.

Yes it would.

No it wouldn’t.

They spend too much time together.

No they don’t.

She probably wants to be with him instea-

“Woah- okay.” Grayson mumbled, opening his eyes fast to pull himself out of his spiral. That went too far way too fast. He peered up at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the blank white colour and clear his thoughts.

He felt Y/N shift on his chest, probably in response to his small outburst, and he prayed that she wouldn’t say anything. He waited a second.

Two.

Three.

She didn’t make a sound, aside from her soft breath. He relaxed.

This is Y/N. his girlfriend. The girl he loved, and the girl he was quite sure loved him the same way. Nobody else. Just him.

You sure?

“Fuck!”

“Baby, are you okay?” She finally said now, pushing herself up off of his chest gently to look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Yea, princess. I’m fine. Just.. a headache.”

She titled her head at him, a worried look in her eye. “You sure?”

You sure?

“YES!” He said a little too loudly, making her jump a little. “Yes, I’m sure.”

She peered at him with a look of unease, but she dropped it. He seemed tired, and she didn’t want to push him. However, she could tell there was something running through his mind, and it was bothering him.

His face looked pale for the first time, and it freaked her out. His eyebrows were all furrowed, and he just felt dark and unsettling.

“What’re you thinking about, bub?” She finally said, unable to keep wondering.

Grayson coughed. What was he to say?

“...You.” He finally decided with, trying for a playful smile, but his eyes still seemed tired. Uneasy.

“Is that so?” She laid down, bringing her arms down flat on his chest and resting her chin above them. “What about me?”

“Just you.” He brought a hand up to brush a hair out of her face, and this time she let him. “Your pretty face.”

Just for me.

“Right.”

“And your sparkling eyes.”

For no one else.

“Mhm.”

“And your stupid little smile that literally makes me want to squeal like a little school girl.” He said now, a little frustrated, but making him realize once more that this was still Y/N. the girl he had fallen for, and loved with everything he had.

“Aw, I make you squeal like a little girl?”

“Constantly.”

“That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Shut up.”

They both breathed out, their anxious sighs mingling with one another.

Grayson felt Y/N drag her finger across his chest, stopping abruptly right before touching his hand.

She knows.

Knows what?

Knows that you don’t trust her.

He took her hand in his, grabbing it tightly and pressing it against his chest.

I do trust you.

I do.

It was like he could feel her smiling against his chest, and suddenly he relaxed once more. He rubbed her palm with his thumb, glad he could find something to focus on. It was as if she felt the same way, because he felt her place her head down against his chest. He closed his eyes once more, lining his breath up with her soft breath. His other hand found its way to her lower back, now gently rubbing up and down, the way he did whenever she couldn’t fall asleep.

Just fall asleep.

...

“Shit.”

Grayson stirred from his sleep, awoken by the sound of Y/N’s quiet voice.

“Mmmbaby, s’that y-?” He went to sleepily grab Y/N’s waist, but sort of shook himself awake when his arms landed flat against his waist.

He wanted to yell. “God, again with this shit?” He grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Her voice made him pull his arms away, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He finally recognized his girlfriend’s shape standing next to the sofa. He then saw the spilled water at her feet.

“What are you...” he glanced back up at her, and she ran a hand through her hair.

“I got thirsty. Didn’t wanna wake you...” She sighed. “But I couldn’t see in the dark, and I knocked into the stupid coffee table and spilled it all.” She rubbed her eye with the back of her palm and pouted.

Grayson reached for his phone, picking it up and squinting as the bright light shone in his face.

It was 2am.

He turned the flashlight on his phone on so he could see where the water had spilled. Thankfully, none had gotten on the carpet. He placed the phone down and sighed. “My clumsy baby.” He got up off the couch and carefully walked over to her, stepping over the puddle of water. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. “Okay, I’ll get the mop. Go to bed.”

She smiled. “Love you.”

...

About fifteen minutes later, Grayson quietly shut the door to his bedroom, and saw his girlfriend sitting up in his bed, her head laying against the backboard, and a pretty light shining over her face from the table lamp. Her eyes seemed a little glazed, as if she was about to drift off, but smiled and sat up when she saw him enter the room.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Grayson asked, getting into bed next to her.

She shrugged. “Didn’t wanna fall asleep without you.”

She laid her head on his shoulder, and sighed. “I know we kinda say it all the time, so it’s kinda almost lost meaning at this point, but…” she tilted her head to look up at him. “I really do love you.”

Her hand rustled under the blanket to find his, and their fingers intertwined. “A lot.”

Grayson’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” She said, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

“Well, whatever it is, I like it.”

Grayson pushed her back down onto her pillow and kissed her while she giggled against his lips.

She pushed him back by his shoulders, giving him a funny look. “I’m just trying to show my appreciation for you.”

“So am I.” He pressed a kiss to her lips again, and this time she didn’t stop him, her hands finding their usual place at his jaw and neck.

When they pulled apart, she kept his head in place, pressing their noses together. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re weird when you’re tired.”

She pecked his lips. “It’s strange that you use the word ‘weird’ instead of ‘affectionate’.”

She let go of him, letting her arms fall on top of the blanket. She stretched, and let out a yawn. She pushed him down onto the mattress, and laid her head in the crook of his neck, her arm against his chest.

Grayson leaned back, just watching the view in front of him. His wonderful girlfriend, falling asleep next to him, in his bed. Hearing her breathing as she drifted off to sleep, her chest slowly rising and falling as she began to dream. It was everything he wanted.

Then why was there that nagging voice still in the back of his head?

This isn’t real.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

She’s faking it.

What?

All of it.

What is wrong with you?

She’s pretending.

No she’s not.

She is.

She’s not.

She is.

She loves me!

You sure?

…

I have to be sure.

“Y/N…”

“Mmm?”

“Tell me the story of how you met Ethan.”

She looked up at him with a weird look. “Why?”

“Just ‘cause.”

“..babe?”

“I just wanna hear it.”

“But you already know that story.”

“I know..” He stroked her hair. “I just wanna hear it again.”

“Baby what is going on with you?” She pushed herself up off of his chest to look at him, sitting up now.

“Okay, fine. Just tell me what you really thought when you saw him for the first time.”

“What?”

“Were you really just trying to be friends with him?”

“Bub-”

“Or did you want something else?”

“Grayson!” she shoved at his chest. “What is wrong with you?”

“Baby please.” He grabbed her arm. “Did you want him, ever?”

She flung his arm off of her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Just tell me!” He yelled, impatient and worried.

She blinked at him in astonishment. “Okay, so what if I did, huh?”

His heart sank. “Don’t play games with me, Y/N.”

“So WHAT if I DID, GRAYSON?” she was shouting now too, no longer caring about keeping her voice down so not to wake Ethan.

“Don’t fucking say that.”

“Why would that even matter? I’m not with him, am I? I’m with YOU!”

“Y/N-”

“Grayson, please....” She put her face in her hands. Rubbing her eyes with her palms. “What is wrong? Do you have a problem with me?”

“What? No! I-”

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you acting like a jealous freak? Do you not trust me? Do you not believe me when I pour my heart out to you? When I say that I love you?”

“I’m not jealous-”

“Yes you are!” She threw her hands up in the air. “I’ve never said anything about it, because I didn’t want to. It’s weird, Gray. And especially today! What do you have to be jealous of? Do you not want me to be friends with Ethan? Is that it?”

“No…” His fingers raked through his hair. “No.”

“Then what, Gray? What is it that you want from me?”

She paused.

“Do you not want me?”

His eyes widened. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He wrapped his arms around her aggressively, burying his nose into her shoulder. “You are all I’ve ever wanted.”

She sighed. “Bub…” she gently pushed herself away from his so she could look him in the eye. “No. I’ve never had feelings for Ethan. He’s my friend. My really, good friend that I care a lot about. But I don’t feel anything towards him like what I feel towards you.”

He gave her an exasperated sigh. “Then what did you really think of Ethan the first time you met him?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary! I just thought he was a nice person that I’d like to hang out with.”

Grayson gave her a weary look.

“Babe, I don’t understand. You say that you trust me, but if you did why would you act like this?”

“I don’t know, Y/N! It’s not like I want to! It’s just- you guys are so close. And I’ve just never seen Ethan be that close to someone other than me, and, I don’t know, okay? It just. It just freaks me out.”

Y/N cupped his jaw. “Grayson.”

“Yea?”

“You know what I thought the first time I met you?”

“...what?”

“Wow. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to have a twin significantly more attractive than they are.”

Grayson blinked, but then almost spit all over her, doubling over in laughter, completely forgetting about the seriousness of the situation. Y/N couldn’t help but giggle as well, glad to see him smile.

“Shut up.” He said after controlling his laughing. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m dead serious.” She chuckled. “My hands were all sweaty the entire time, and you know how I kept completely falling off the track while we were playing mario kart?

“Mhm?”

“That’s cuz I was staring at your reflection in the tv screen.”

“Shut UP!”

“I swear to god I’m serious!” she laughed. “And after I gave up to let you guys play and I was just on my phone, I was actually imagining us making out.”

He grabbed her face and kissed her, surprising her, but she relaxed in his arms. When he pulled away, he said: “You are so good at lying to make me feel better.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Mhm.” He kissed her again, wrapping one arm around her waist while the other held her neck firmly. She moaned against his lips, holding his face in both hands. When they pulled away, they were out of breath.

“Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little bit.” She smiled. “But the point is, I love you. Nobody else.”

Grayson sighed. “I love you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“Hey.”

“What? You should.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re right.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been a huge dick.”

“You sure have.”

Then her nose. “I was an idiot to be jealous.”

“Mhm.”

And then a peck on her lips. “I love you. So much.”

She grinned. “I love you too.”

“Promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“You’ll always be mine?” he asked, his lips grazing against hers.

She smiled at him. “I’m all yours.” she said, then connected their lips once more.

495 notes · View notes

bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

Note

best and worst relationships?

There’s a lot of varables to consider here, and I’m feeling sick and bored out of my mind, so i’m going the long way round. This is a nightmare to read on mobile, im so sorry.

‘Best’ and ‘Worst’ labels depend on a number of things:

— Story of the pairing

— General intrigue and how enjoyable their dynamic is to watch

— Chemistry of the two (or more) characters

— Presence (or lack of) valuable relationship qualities (is this relationship healthy according to the world it exists in?)

and the importance of each of those differs from person-to-person.

Note: Sticking to popular relationships. I’ve blocked names, but I’m also throwing it under a Read More because it’s long and negative. It’s largely anticlarke because she’s a terrifying character and her mere existence derails most of her dynamics. Ship and like whatever you like, I hate fandom gatekeeping. But you asked so let’s go.

There’s also no order to this. Welcome to chaos land.

Best ‘Best’ List: objectively good relationships

— Linctavia

— Marper

— Spacekru

— David and Nate Miller

— Raven and Sinclair

Unconditional love, mutual respect and support, found family, would die (and live) for the other. I can’t find fault in them.

Memori

I had a bit more to say about this one because there’s something so highly romantic in two people abandoned by their clan, cast out, finding each other in a literal desert wasteland. Like they’re each other’s oasis. In meeting Emori, Murphy finally found acceptance after spending far too long alone, and being told he was worthless by people who’s approval meant something. And Emori having someone prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy is everything I could’ve wanted for her. They’re so deeply in love.

Best List

Becho (pre-season six)

Your local enemies-to-lovers. partnership over co-dependency. Compromise. Affection and emotional support from both sides. Willing to throw themselves right into line-of-fire for the other. A cut ‘i love her’ scene which i’ve personally decided wasn’t cut. I LOVE THEM.

Arguments against:

- ‘killed’ Gina (moreso she aided her death) while acting on orders from her superiors

- ‘killed’ Octavia while acting on orders from her superiors

- killed Ilian/ attempted to help Roan win conclave over Octavia

- almost killed Clarke (season five)

- happened offscreen

Arguments to discredit previous arguments because I’m sick and tired of seeing them in the pro tags:

- Echo was Bellamy’s enemy through those first three listed events. Bellamy had no reason to expect loyalty or respect, or anything else from her. She was always looking out for her people just as Bellamy was his own. That was quite clear.

- In fact she actually tried to help Gina because she was important to Bellamy, apologised that she couldn’t and did save Bellamy’s life despite their enemy status.

- ‘killing’ Octavia was not in cold blood. It was actually an accident.

- This one is nonsense. She wanted to kill Clarke during season five “even though she’s important to Bellamy”…after she just left him to brutally die and held Echo and her family at gunpoint and threatened to kill them. Context matters.

- not a fan of the time jump either, but if you’re able to accept the Madi-Clarke relationship which also developed offscreen, you can deal with this one.

Hard to talk about this one without defending it. Echo deserves better than season six Bellamy, who would abandon her in order to chase a woman he knew for 6-ish months 6 years ago. I say it’s his loss.

Jonty

It was a beautiful relationship and then a beautiful breakdown of one. I really enjoyed their dynamic. About to get controversial and suggest Monty could’ve taken a different approach with Jasper. I’ve never committed genocide and had to learn to live with it while watching my best friend suffer from the decision, but I do have clinical depression and somewhat relate to Jasper. There was this scene, where in the background you see Jasper go to hug Monty goodbye and he avoids it. It was such a small but sad detail. I felt Monty wanted Jasper to deal with his grief in a certain way and got frustrated when he didn’t. Sometimes he could be insensitive and blaming, and i think had there been more communication their friendship could’ve been very healing for the both of them. I think we learn at one point Jasper actually thought Monty was “fine” and didn’t even realise or understand that Monty hurt too. Jasper had this tendancy to only consider his own feelings, and this put a rift between them. Tough love doesn’t work for everyone, and I think Monty’s sometimes cold approach held that rift in place. The simple fact that both sides are so easy to understand and empathise with, and that this gradual undoing of what was once an incredibly strong bond was inevitable, made watching it all wonderfully bittersweet.

Zaven

This was good, but it was so rushed it made me bitter towards them. While it was Raven being thrown with yet another random guy, this did strike me as much more meaningful than her fling with Wick and I think it would’ve been a lovely relationship had it been able to continue. I think this was that love Raven deserved. It’s a damn shame it was used as just another level of torture for her. I think if they had let it develop more naturally and not been so full-on so soon, and of course if the actor hadn’t opted to leave the show, this would’ve been up on my best ‘best’ list.

Dropping this here: being intelligent isn’t actually important when pairing Raven up. Fandom acts like she needs someone “on her level” or “at her speed” (shudders), someone to challenge her, which has always come across as very demeaning of characters with less intellectual capacity, as if they’re less than Raven because of this when they are absolutely not. This mentality also denies Raven of partners that can value her and treat her well just because they aren’t Stephan Hawking. A romance isn’t a competition or a class project. Shaw was good for her, not because of what his brain could do, but because of who he was.

Bellamy and Octavia

This bitch toxic, YEET. I adore it. I really do. It’s such an intriuging and complex dynamic. The poisonous nature of their relationship is neither of their own faults, they’re both a victim of their own circumstances and, in Octavia’s case, a lack of socialisation and, by extension, non-understanding of grey area is also intrinsicaly linked to it. They truely love one another, but aren’t learned in how to show this in healthy ways. Makes that back-and-forth an entertaining watch.

Main grievance:

Beating your brother bloody while he’s chained down and unable to defend himself against you is disturbing and inexcusable in any context, and whether or not you’re grieving is irrelevant.

Neutral List

C//exa

Placing this one here just because i don’t care about this relationship, but did like bits and pieces. I think this one ended before it even started. For me most of it’s appeal is in the gradual moulding of the dynamic and the many phases it went through. I did find intrigue in that journey. However the fact the show reminds me at least a few times a season that Lexa was the one has me digging my heels in. I hate being told what to think.

I don’t really remember it all that well so I don’t necessarily have strong opinions. I know some people do. At this point in the show I was growing more and more annoyed with Clarke, and eventually i went from liking Lexa to being indifferent to her, so a dynamic consisting of them both was the least interesting thing in the world to me by the time it started heating up.

I will say this is probably one of the only significant relationships Clarke has where she doesn’t ultimately have more power than the other half. There isn’t a mechanism there that allows one to use to do harm to the other to advantage themselves; Lexa is the commander, but Clarke is constantly pushing back and Lexa respects and listens to what she has to say. There is literally a shot of Clarke backing the most powerful person on the ground into a table. I think Clarke was a positive influence on Lexa, but during this time Clarke was slipping into worse and worse versions of herself.

Some thoughts:

I found it was innappropriate for Clarke, as a leader of her people who’s primary concern is supposed to be what’s best for them, to have become romantically involved with the commander of the people they hadn’t a stable relationship with, and who ultimately has the power to strip them of all freedoms. It’s so easy for those romantically and sexually charged feelings to cloud and confuse what are extremely important considerations to be made about the people back home. It wasn’t a very responsible relationship.

On the flipside of that, from this relationship Lexa was convinced to grow into peace. Which is quite obviously a positive affect. Though I found it was odd that Clarke, just a random teenage girl from space, would be (successfully) telling the commander how to manage her people when she herself was not at home overseeing the climate of her own. It just has some very weird implications.

Lexa’s betrayal at mount weather, actually a very silly and counter-productive decision, was what forced Clarke to lose her humanity in what was the most traumatic event of her entire life. The fact it was forgiven so easily was hard for me to get over.

M//rphamy

Season five was good for them. It seemed as if they’d grown, were much closer, more respectful, and more affectionate. Then season six happened, and Bellamy was back to treating Murphy like he was beneath everyone. He started again to talk about how therapeutic it would be to hurt him, as he has, physically, many times in the past. Just tearing open old wounds at this point. In season five he reminded Murphy he wasn’t worthless, that he did belong with the group, but in season six he went back on all that, and put Clarke ahead of him at every turn, and prioritied her feelings over his very real pain. They’ve had a complicated history of violence, usually coming from Bellamy’s more hot-headed side.

I put this here because it’s an immensely compelling dynamic. These characters work well together, there’s heaps of chemistry and allure in each of their interactions. It’s just an entertaining time whenever they share scenes. But despite that, I don’t know where I stand with them and I don’t know where they stand with each other as of season six.

Worst List

Be//arke

There is a mess of negative thoughts inspired by this relationship about proportionate to the amount it’s shoved in my face. Clarke is just no good for Bellamy. Is the concise way of putting it.

Here’s a list of some of them which I usually like to bury deep inside my head for sanity purposes:

Ignoring whether or not actions were for the people/the only option and focusing solely on how the relationship is affected by them regardless

- Clarke has a tendancy to view the most important person (pre-season five) in Bellamy’s life as necessary collateral damage. She has brought/almost brought harm to Octavia on multiple occasions, the two most notable being TonDC and the conclave. Both while being on the same side as Bellamy from a political standpoint, and both while his friend who he had reason to expect affirmation, consideration, and loyalty from. Clarke betrays those key values. This happens again in season five when Clarke’s Plan-A solution is to “take her out.”

( this is also what sets her apart from Echo, who was never in the position to make her own choices. Clarke has that agency and control that Echo’s superiors had, but never Echo. )

- and saying that, I think it’s incredibly hard for Clarke to maintain any meaningful relationships being in the position she’s in. How do you have friends when you have to always put them second?

- speaking of the conclave, Clarke held Bellamy at gunpoint in order to prevent him saving his sister’s life. She said she “didn’t pull the trigger” and that was that. All is forgiven. However she did pull the trigger in what was an attempt to scare him into submission so I really don’t even know what to say here. The writers kinda forgot?

- they aren’t equal. They haven’t been co-leaders since season one. He was demoted almost immediately to second-in-command beneath Clarke. Clarke is the leader, the literal head. She makes the choices while Bellamy gets her out of the trouble she usually gets herself into, risking himself and others in the process. It’s a racist trope. It’s the ‘white princess and her brown knight.’ She has agency and power and he’s her loyal soldier, subordinate. Inequality isn’t inherently a bad thing but this power imbalance between them is utilised in harmful ways.

- speaking of “the good knight by his queen’s side,” this comes across as codependency. Clarke relies on Bellamy’s support, validation and loyalty, while ‘the heart needs the head to tell it to beat.’ That’s paraphrased from season six, that’s an actual line in the show. Bellamy needs her to guide him, to “keep [him] centred,” that’s another line from the show. That’s still not enough? He literally tells us in season six that he needs her, and has needed her in the past if his psychosis episode is anything to go by. He has impeccably low self esteem and views himself less than. I mean if you need further convincing of they’re inequality, just look to their places on the ark which are quickly reinstated once it reaches the ground. Clarke is upper class, she’s later the daughter of the chancellor, she comes from a loving family, from one of (if not, the) more well-off stations, she’s educated and she has passions, but Bellamy? From the poorest ark station, raised by an emotionally abusive mother, a janitor, his whole motivation his entire life has been to love and protect Octavia. I think a lot of this devotion he has for her comes from a place of idolisation, of seeing something in her he wants for himself.

- now this ugly trope could also come from an absense of Octavia. The moment they get to the ground Octavia is on a journey of self-discovery. And eventually, she becomes her own protector, and she finds a home in Lincoln. So naturally Bellamy looks for the closest relationship he can find that resembles that old one. It’s Bellamy and Clarke. Now, instead of Octavia, he’s driven by and found purpose in protecting Clarke. In fact, the Clarke-Bellamy dynamic has so many similarities to the Octavia-Bellamy one I can absolutely see the sibling like quality to Be//arke.

- Clarke abandons Bellamy after mount weather. She leaves because she can’t bare the reminder of “what [she] did to get them here.” So she leaves and instead Bellamy is the one forced to see the faces of the 48 every day, reminding him of what he did to get them there. Clarke comes across as completely oblivious in this entire situation. Bellamy and Monty are both written using the word “we” to refer to the mount weather genocide, but Clarke? It’s “I” and “me” every time. It’s as if she truely believes she’s the only one suffering from it, she’s bearing it so they don’t have to, except that isn’t true at all and that fact is so painfully clear. Later she tells him she knew she could leave because the people had him, but who did Bellamy have? He dealt with that weight and that grief alone because the only other person who could possibly understand, the one who pulled the lever with him, ran away. After she had convinced him not to in season one. She then comes back informing him she’d been acting on behalf of her people in Polis, without the people’s own knowledge or consent, but i digress, and he’d just ruined everything. So much for co-leaders. And he blows up at her, and we see how badly this action hurt him.

- In season five she leaves him to die out of spite and took her daughter to the people he saved her from at the beginning of the season. It could’ve been avoided, but she decided to punish him. That’s all it was. Don’t give me none of that “I had to!!!” she screams in season six to mindspace!Octavia. Bellamy was forced into role of father at just 6 years old and has proved time and time again he was prepared to risk it all in order to protect his child, there was nobody more equipped to handle Madi than him and her yelling in his face that he couldn’t understand was perhaps the biggest betrayal of them all.

- In season five she tortured and almost murdered his entire family. After switching sides again at the end of the season, all this pain inflicted was meaningless. You can talk all you want at me about Clarke’s *reasons* but all she did was take the path of most destruction towards the same end-point. It was just unnecessary violence caused because she had this desperation to take the wheel.

- all of this works because the writing is always in Clarke’s favour. The show is framed in a way that makes Clarke sympathetic, emphasises how much causing others pain hurts her, and that means that she’s never held to any of these actions, she might get a stern talking to but she’s forgiven insanely easily and allowed to go on with no actual change.

Pr//ncess M//chanic

Unfortunately, from what i’ve gathered, there’s a lot of racism in this one just as there is in Be//arke. I mean the entire nature of the relationship relies on the elevation of Clarke and the narrative power to demote Raven to ‘second best’ and prop over and over again. Raven, a girl who works her ass off to make most of the victories in the show possible, actually spoke the words “she saved us again” after launching a pod from an exploding planet into space and fixing the ark while space walking. It’s mindblowing. Raven’s (and others’) successes are handed to Clarke on a silver platter and we’re just meant to eat that up and blindly accept that Clarke is our one true saviour. I’m not going into this because it makes me feel sick and Raven deserved better.

Unrelated thoughts:

I don’t see their relationship as friendly at all post-season two. I got the impression Raven actually didn’t like Clarke, but it was all very complicated.

I also think it’s terribly convinient Raven never found out the true nature of Clarke’s relationship with Lexa because I don’t believe she would’ve ever been okay about Clarke again if she had (if the writers were going for realistic).

Madi/Clarke/Abby

Clarke strapped a torture device around her daughter’s neck for means of control and activated it under the guise of protection and that isn’t okay in any world or any context. Madi is a little girl who is dependant on Clarke and Clarke betrayed that trust. Those shock collars were used on her early in the season, she experienced the torture herself and still used it on her child. A lot of Clarke’s more unfavourable and/or unhealthy behaviours and characteristic are also present in Abby, which leads me to believe those are a product of her upbringing. Like mother like daughter, Abby also electrocuted Raven. Abby and Clarke have this strange rival-like relationship and I find it particularly cold, maybe because they’re so similar.

Abby and Raven

Abby has physically harmed Raven more than once. Out of anger and spite, or out of desperation. People hurting each other on this show is pretty standard and while this isn’t as overwhelming a mistreatment compared to others, her hitting Raven while she was acting chancellor was a pretty gross abuse of power. Its a visual display, with Abby’s imposing figure looming over a sitting and emotionally vulnerable Raven. We’re supposed to view this, i think, as mother-daughter. Abby says very early season one that Raven reminds her of Clarke, but she’s never shown treating Clarke in the way she does Raven. I liked the relationship during season one. From then and with Abby’s slow descent into villainy, not so much.

Ontari and Murphy

*She raped him. Next.

Cl//phy

Clarke is a cause/reason, whether direct or indirect, of a huge chunk of Murphy’s suffering, all of which she’s never been held accountable for due to Murphy’s position as undesirable. I, along with Murphy, had to be told she cares about him in season six because her otherwise complete disregard for his life has been pretty apparent.

Notable mention:

Chaining up him and Emori like dogs and promising to sacrifice the woman he loves, against her will, for the greater good after he saved her life. He has to beg her, plead with her and her almighty god complex, and it’s all quite uncomfortable and eery. (She later draws a picture of this event in her sketchbook which is…kinda weird.) And, in true Clarke fashion, she refuses to accept responsibility for this action and hides behind the same old trend of gaslighting and screaming “i had to!!!” I can’t root for a friendship between these two no matter how fun their back-and-forth can be. Especially since I can’t recall a single time they’ve shared a nice moment. Oh, and here’s a post about why Clarke and Murphy will never bond over isolation and survival.

*The clashing of Ontari and Murphy’s personalities was hilarious and I enjoyed watching them on screen together.

#the 100 #anticlarke #antibellarke #anti princess mechanic #anti bellarke #finally free of this question #the100meta #tw; child abuse #tw; rape #ro.answers

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leelee10898 · 5 years

Text

Fast cars & Freedom: Sit next to me (8/?) Part 1

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Summary: Logan and Ellie talk, the test is taken, and someone spills the beans.... literally.

Rating: Mature... sex.. yep...

A/N: So this will be a 2 parter, just way to much to get out in 1 post... enjoy!! If you would like added to the tag list, let me know.. catch up HERE

Song inspiration:

Ellie sat in her office, it was Wednesday and she still hadn't heard from Logan. “knock knock.” a voice came at her door. “Oh hi Mr mann- Eli.” she looked up to see her boss standing in the doorway. “Have you had any luck getting those statements from Mr Rider?” he walked in sitting in front of her desk.

The statements shit! She internally scolded herself. She had been so caught up in her personal life drama she let her work slip, that ended today. “I am meeting with Logan to get them.” A smile spread across Elias's face “Excellent. Keep up the good work.”

She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. This standoff with Logan ended now. She picked up her phone and rattled off a text.

“I know you are pissed at me, but this is not a personal call. Unless you want to find a new Accountant, we need to meet TODAY.”

A few minutes later her phone vibrated, a response from Logan. “ 1pm. i'll send the address.” a few seconds later another text with an address came through. She looked at the clock. She had about half an hour until the meeting and with traffic and the distance she needed to go now. She switched on her out of office messages and took off to the location Logan sent her.

She pulled up to a large gated house. The gate opened and she drove around front parking. Before she could knock on the door Logan opened it up motioning for her to come in.

“Wow, is this your house?” she marveled at the open floor plan. There wasn't much to it in all honesty. Some furniture, a large TV. A stocked bar area and some framed car art.

“It's better than a box.” he chuckled. They sat on the couch, Ellie getting right down to the professional side of the business she had to attend. Logan having everything she needed ready.

They sat in an awkward silence before Ellie broke it. “Logan, im sorry. I know you're mad at me.”

“I'm not mad at you Ellie. Well, not anymore. I'm upset. I knew you had feelings for him, I knew it when I caught you two together.”

Ellies mind took her back to the night she knew she was in way to deep.

****

“Were gonna get caught Colt.” Ellie giggled as he pressed his body against hers on the couch. “Nobody is here, everyone went out on a job. and pop is at a meeting. They'll be gone for hours.” his hand slide up to unbutton her jeans. He lifted himself up pulling the jeans down with him, leaving her in just her bra and panties. His lips came down hard on hers as she completely lost herself in the kiss. Her hands frantically pawing at his fully clothed body. “Less. Of. This.” she pulled on his shirt and breathed out between heated kisses. The sides of his lips tugged up into a sinister smirk, she wanted him as bad as he wanted her.

He pulled his shit over his head, tossing it across the room. She stopped for a minute, running her hands down his hard chest, before he stood pulling every last piece of clothing from his body. Ellie propped herself up on her elbow, her eyes widening at the sight of him, suddenly very aware of what she committed herself to. “See something you like?” she bit her lip nodding. In an instant he was on her again. Peppering playful kisses on her neck, down the valley of her breast. His hand reached around, effortlessly unfastening her bra, tossing it aside. His lips found her pink buds, as he flicked his tongue, capturing one in his mouth, before moving onto the next. He placed feather light kisses down her stomach, settling on her hips. Her heartbeat racing in anticipation as his strong hands grasped her thighs spreading them apart. He lowered his head kissing and sucking the inside of her thighs, “I want to taste you Ellie.” the vibration of his voice sending a pleasant jolt to her core. “Yes.” A low growl escaped him as he settled between her legs.

He flattened his tongue swiping it between her slick folds. He let let out an appreciative moan as his tongue swirled around the bundle of nerves. She sucked in a sharp breath as her head flew back against the cushion. he looked up between his lashes watching her chest rise and fall, faster and faster as her moans became louder and louder. He slipped a two fingers into her wanting center, slowly pumping them in and out. Her back arching at the welcomed intrusion. Her legs began to shake, he knew she was close, he curled his fingers slightly reaching the perfect spot as she came undone, a slew of curses falling from her lips.

Satisfied he pulled back and grinned at her as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He sat up. Ellie watching him, though lust blown eyes. She climbed onto his lap, her lips crashing against his in a heated kiss. “I want you colt.” she moaned against his lips. “Mmmm, lay down Ellie.” she shook her head. “No. I want to be the driver.” she grinded her hips against him. He gripped his stiff length, slowly pumping it as she slowly lowered herself down, gasping out at how he filled her.

She allowed herself to adjust a moment before rocking against him. He threw his head back at the sensation, a deep moan escaping him. He lifted his head, his lust blown eyes boring into her. “You're my driver forever, remember that. Now drive baby.” He gripped her hips guiding her down onto him faster and faster. She bounced hard against him as she moaned out. “Fuck, yes. colt.”

The sound of his name falling from her lips drove him wild, he bucked frantically against her. his hand slipping down rubbing tight circles against her aching clit. That was all it took for her to come completely undone. She leaned against his chest, nails digging into his strong shoulders as she screamed his name, forcing his own release.

She laid against his chest for a moment, he tracked lazy circles against her bare skin. “We should probably get dressed.” she sighed standing up. “A sin if i ever heard one, but you're probably right.” they retrieved their clothes, dressing quickly. Colt pulled her against him “You're incredible Ellie.” She his face down, capturing his lips in a sensual kiss. “Let's go get some food. I'm starving.” Colt grabbed his jacket “Only if I get to drive.” She winked, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him again.

“What the fuck is this?” They heard, pulling apart quickly. Both turning to see Logan standing there. “Do you have a problem pretty boy?” Colt taunted.

“Yeah. I do. You're fucking making out with my girl.” Logan snapped, shoving Colt.

Colt coming back bumping his chest. “Last I checked she wasn't anyone's girl.”

“Colt! Logan! Stop this.” Her pleas going unanswered. Colts smug grin setting Logan off as his fist connected with his jaw. Colt lunged forward tackling logan to the ground as the two rolled around exchanging blows.

“Stop it. Stop it guys. Help.” Ellie screamed, finally toby and ximena came running in, followed by Kaneko. “Stop it at once.” He commanded, his booming voice causing both to freeze instantly. Ellie took off running both scrambling to run after her. She climbed up the ladder onto the roof. How did things get so complicated.

********

“Ellie? Ellie?” Logan called out, pulling her back to the present. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.” she told him about the night of prom, how they were freaked out about the plan and if things went south. How they travelled to vegas on a whim and getting caught up in all the what ifs, they married. She had thought Colt had filed for an annulment after they had a blow up and he left. Only to find out he never did. Logan sat there in silence, absorbing all of the information.

“Well, I kinda get why you didn't say anything, but. I wish I didn't hear it from Colt.” he sighed.

“I know, im sorry Logan. But as a peace offering, my dad and I are throwing a 4th of July bbq. If you don't have plans we would love for you to come.” Logan smiled as they stood up walking towards the door. “I think I can manage that.” he pulled her in for a hug, she rested her head against his chest, breathing in his scent. “Are we good?” he pulled gently stroked her hair, “were good.”

That Friday the three of them, with Luca walked into the lab. Ellie check in, grabbing clipboards for all to fill out their information. Luca sat in the chair, the smell of the sterile environment making her nervous. “You ok Luca?” Logan lowered his head “I don't like Doctors offices, they give needles.” Her voice a whisper. “Its ok, you're not going to get a needle.” he gently squeezed her little hand. “You promise?” “I promise. If you want, I will hold your hand if you get scared, ok?” Luca nodded her head, squeezing logans hand.

They waited a few minutes before being ushered into the back. Colt went first, followed by Luca. She hesitated getting in the seat. “Uncle Logie, fan you hold my hand?” Logan smiled at her taking her tiny hand in his large one. She paused a moment turning to Colt. “Colt, can you hold me please?” Ellie swore she felt her heart explode in that moment, as colt sat down in the seat, his arms wrapped around her, Luca leaned back against him while Logan held onto her hand.

The tech informed them the results could take up to 6 weeks as the lab was backed up.

The four of them grabbed dinner and went school shopping with Luca. Colt and Logan refusing to let Ellie pay for a thing.

Ellie spent the next week preparing for the 4th of July cookout. Everyone was coming, she was excited for Luca to meet the old crew. Riya and Darius showed up first. Darius setting up the pack n play in the backyard for Marcus. Frank had been on the grill all morning while Ellie worked on the food inside. The doorbell rang and Frank came barreling through the house. “I got it. I got it.”

He answered the door and a petite brunette stood there. Frank encouraged the woman inside, walking up to Ellie. Ellie looked at the woman, something about her looked awful familiar. “Ellie, I want you to meet my girlfriend Sally. Sally this is my daughter Ellie.”

“Elliez it is so good to finally meet you. You're dad talks about you so much.” Ellie giggled “I hope not to much. It's really nice to meet you Sally.” she continued to stare at the woman, swearing she knew her from somewhere. “Sally, I don't mean to stare but, Have we met before? I swear you look so familiar.”

“I don't think so hun, not unless you've been to lucky's diner in San Francisco.” Ellie shook her head “Nope, can't say I have. But anyway, come on out. Dads finishing up on the grill, the rest of the guest will be here soon.”

The doorbell rang and in walked Ximena, Toby and Colt. “Colt!” Luca came running into his arms, colt picking her up giving her a hug “Hey squirt.” he sat her down “Grampy got me a pool, come see it.” She grabbed his hand leading him through the house. “Hey Toby, Hey X.” she noticed toby shifting on both feet. “Go ahead, you can see the pool too.” “thanks ellie.” Ximena shook her head handing her a tray of pretzel salad. “You know he has done nothing but talk about Luca non stop.”

“He has text me and called daily as well.” Ellie watched Luca splash colt, a smile playing on her lips. “How's logan been with it?”

“The same as Colt. She's quite taken with the both of them.” Ximena gave her an understanding squeeze. Logan, Mona and Stacie were the last to arrive. Ellie looked at the two “Did you guys come together?” Logan shook his head. “No, I pulled up and Mona did too, Stacie was walking to the door.”

Logan and colt stayed inside helping frank gather all the food. Ellie sat With Riya on one of the picnic tables. She leaned in close, dropping her voice so only she could hear. “Hey, do you think Darnell could lend me his services, cheap?” Riya looked at her confused “ohh you mean for the custody stuff. I was wondering what you needed a lawyer for.”

“No, I need to file for divorce.” Riya chuckled thinking she was joking, the serious look on her face told her otherwise. “You're serious? When did you get married? Who did you marry?”

Ellie shushed her “Keep it down. 6 years ago. Colt and i got married in Vegas.” Riyas eyes went wide.

“You Married COLT in vegas?” She shouted, silencing the entire party. “What?” Her dad stood on the deck dropping an entire tin pan of coleslaw. Logan and Colt stood frozen behind him.

Sally came running up “Frank are you ok?” Logans eyes widened, he dropped the tin pan of baked beans onto the deck as well

“Mom?”

Tag: @kennaxval @hopefulmoonobject @crookedslimecreatorpasta @be-still-my-aching-heart @ao719 @speedyoperarascalparty @riseandshinelittleblossom @cocomaxley @bobasheebaby @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @indiacater @blackcatkita @darley1101

ROD

@daniv2278 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @going-down-downtown @mercyparkcrew @emichelle @annekebbphotography @powdesiree0816 @walkerismychoice @yesivefallenpreytothechoicestrap @zaira-oh-zaira @sweetest-marbear @zaffrenotes @simsvetements @zaffrenotes @professorortegasstudent @akrenich @ifyouseekheart @client-327 @choicelogansbitch @choicesarehard @paisleylovergirl @itskismetbb @itsmarleen @rhischoicesfanfics @distinguishedsaladoperawinner @iplaydrake @coffeebeandragon @jasidu2

#ride or die bad boy romance #choices rod #choices ride or die #fast cars and freedom rod au #logan x ellie #colt x ellie #colt kaneko #rod colt #logan rod #rod logan

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justaramblingromantic · 5 years

Text

fail better

Characters/Pairing: Kobayashi Rindou and Tsukasa Eishi/EiRin

Type: Canon-divergent AU, Post-series, Peerless-verse, Freestyle

Word Count: 2277

A/N #01: Ever read something so stupid that at the end of it all, you can almost literally feel the double negative ‘dislike’ interaction sign from The Sims forming right over your head? That was exactly my feeling after I read the nonsense that was chapter 296. Actually, my feeling was so strong it singlehandedly fueled my motivation to write this piece in one sitting, haha. What the effing heck, Tsukuda.

A/N #02: Title derived by Samuel Beckett’s quote: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

xXxXxXxXxX

Hours after the conclusion of his round of the tournament, he was back in the still quiet of his hotel room, staring down at the empty text screen of his phone, wondering what to write to properly convey his conflicted feelings at the moment. He found himself stuck for the longest time, because the other person who had all but wrung a promise out of him for consistent updates of his progress would not appreciate it in the least if he was insincere or dishonest with her and, most importantly, himself.

And she would know intrinsically too, much to his chagrin.

He did not have to struggle futilely for the whole night, because as if aware of his mounting difficulties…or perhaps just plain exasperated with his indecisive dithering, the smart device in his hand vibrated impatiently with an incoming call, and the name that popped up on his Caller ID was both a comforting and sobering sight at the same time.

He picked up, of course. After a brief, hesitating pause. Mentally steeling himself, because it was…difficult not to be swept away by that surge of self-critical disappointment all over again.

“…Hello.”

“Yo.”

In hindsight, he did not know what he was even feeling so anxious about. Just hearing that one word, just hearing that familiar voice filtered through the speaker from the other end, already possessed the miraculous effect of easing the stiff tension that had grown unbidden between his shoulders, bearing down on him like a heavy weight that entire day. He sighed her name.

“Rindou.”

There was some crinkling to be heard in ambient surroundings, as if she was snacking on something while on the phone with him at the same time. That casual familiarity soothed his nerves, because it was just like her to be so relaxed and comfortable around him. Before the conversation could lull and grow tense and awkward, she nonchalantly continued.

“I heard you got your ass handed to you today, Tsukasa~” his impish best friend all but singsonged.

Instead of feeling sorry and regretful over his loss, the woman actually sounded indecently gleeful instead. Even if he wanted to, it was hard to remain down in the doldrums when she was like this. He grew exasperated, remembering that sometimes she was the kind who liked to poke at people’s bruises, just to hear them yell.

“…You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” he deadpanned.

“Why should I?” she retorted between munches. “D’ya know how many texts I got this afternoon alone reporting your defeat to that Saiha dude? I practically received multiple blow-by-blow accounts, and they sent videos too; at least five different viewing angles of you getting your ass handed to you-”

Now, he was just plain mortified, never mind feeling sorry for himself.

“What. Who texted you?” he demanded to know, flustered that she had to learn about it from other people instead of straight from him. His cheeks warmed in pique. “Why are people texting you anyway to tell you those things.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” she replied in a tone that implied she didn’t even have to wonder at all. Their closeness wasn’t exactly a big secret to those who knew them in Tootsuki.

“Where are you now, anyway?” she changed the subject blithely. “Moping about in your room?”

“I’m not moping,” he spluttered in denial. Sure, he was feeling a bit morose and out of sorts, but that was because there was nothing to do since he no longer had to prepare for the next stage of the competition! Furthermore and strangely enough, his defeat today had not felt as crushingly overwhelming as that time in the aftermath of the Regiment Shokugeki. And more importantly- “Next time, wait patiently for my texts instead of listening to the gossips of other people.”

“Then text me quicker next time-”

A knock on the door had him distracted, and he got up to answer it, phone still cradled to his ear.

“-I thought you got so depressed you decided to commit seppuku with that long-assed nail file of yours. Hola~!”

He opened the door…and there she was, standing at the entrance, her digitally modulated reply abruptly becoming clear and distinct in real time. She was bright eyed and smirking at him, just so irrepressibly buoyant it was as if she was a ray of sunshine herself.

Eishi blinked owlishly in surprise. “You are…here.” He quickly snapped out of his brief stupor. “Wait. What are you doing here?”

She brushed past him to get into his room. “Ta-da~ I came to offer my bosom for you to cry on, of course!”

He shut the door and turned to her, a funny look crossing his face, still half in disbelief…because she was supposed to be in Barcelona right now.

She looked like she had just stepped off a flight, and she had come bearing consolation gifts, too. “Look what I bought on the way here!” She swiveled to him and raised the plastic bags that she was holding. “Fried chicken and cheap beer are the best things to fix a broken heart!”

“My heart is not broken,” he retorted, nonplussed by her shining enthusiasm to bring light to his dark and tortured soul. “And will you put those drinks away; we’re still underaged.”

“Boo; you’re so straitlaced! What’s a bit of underaged drinking gonna do? We’d be twenty in a year or so, anyway! Live a little!”

And then she promptly proceeded to make a mess in his otherwise previously tidy accommodation. Her sneakers were kicked haphazardly aside, she dumped her bag unceremoniously on the floor in the middle of the room, and with whirlwind efficacy, she soon had the food and drinks laid out on the dressing table. Popping a crispy piece of chicken, deep fried to golden brown perfection, into her mouth, she pulled out a chilled can of beer from the six pack, bought right off a nearby conbini, cracked it open, brought it right to her lips and drank deep. She exhaled gustily with happiness, eyes squeezed shut with contentment, a look of comical satisfaction flitting across her rosy face.

“Hell yeah, this is the best~!”

The redhead popped open another can of beer, and she pushed it to him. “Don’t just stand there! Come join me, dummy.”

Eishi was reluctant at first, but as she handed him the choicest bits of chicken on a paper plate and then started to dig into her own share with zeal, he realized belatedly that he was hungry, too. How she miraculously knew that he hadn’t had dinner yet was a mystery; he had been preoccupied and had somehow forgotten all about eating in the process. He took refreshing sips of ice-cold beer in between succulent bites of crisp, precisely battered chicken; she was right, there was a certain epicurean pleasure to be had from this combination. His mind was already automatically deconstructing the dish, gauging the type of ingredients and their exact quantity, speculating on the various steps of preparation, how hot the temperature of the frying oil had to be-

She snorted at his distracted demeanor as they dawdled over the meal. “You’re such a nerd, I swear.”

He snapped out of his thoughts to stare at her. She snickered.

“Feel better now?”

He continued to stare.

“Wanna walk me through how your bout went?” Her golden eyes gleamed. “Or maybe I should tell you how I think it went as related to me by my secret sources?”

“No, thank you-”

He obligingly spilled, not wanting to hear of the embarrassing accounts as witnessed by whoever had spied on him for her. Besides, she was someone who actually appreciated the finer nuances of his cooking style and methodology, even when others would have been bored to tears by all that incredibly dry, technical talk. She paid rapt attention, her eyes trained unwaveringly on him as he spoke about the dish he came up with, and objectively as well of the one that had eventually defeated him.

Rindou was intrigued.

“Huh. Sounds like you had quite a bit of fun out there.”

International competitions like The Blue were really on another level altogether. She also wondered how they were able to dredge up so much crazy every year just to stuff into one event.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘fun,’” Eishi muttered under his breath.

There was an annoying soreness just lying under the skin and muscles of his chest, growing more and more aggravating as time passed after that battle with Saiba Asahi, and downright impossible to ignore however he tried. It was a gripping feeling that he had not experienced in quite a long time. It felt like a muted rage, a festering, humiliating wound in his heart that had been dealt by the hand of his opponent.

“He claimed my knife in light of my loss,” he finally admitted his shame.

It was now or never, and he refused to lie. Not to her. Never, to her.

For one moment, the air around her stilled.

And then her eyes glowed bright with fury.

For all that some people always said of his selfishness and arrogance, even he had never stooped so low as to steal the precious knives of another chef, their livelihood, the very source of their pride. Everything that he had, he had painstakingly squeezed out of his own talents, refusing to rely or even lean on the abilities of others, because there was simply no honor or pride to be had for that kind of tainted victory. But such distasteful practice was not entirely unheard of, nor was it illegal or wrong. Life in the kitchen could be cutthroat and fast paced where all sorts of characters lurked; those who could not take the heat simply had no place there, regardless of how good or skilled they were.

Then again, Tsukasa had never been the kind to break easily.

“What an unpleasant punk,” Rindou uttered flatly, stiffly.

He said nothing to that, but somehow, he felt lighter, because here she was, absolutely furious on his behalf.

“Which blade did he take?”

He knew she was going to laugh. “…The one…you nicknamed ‘the long-assed nail file,’” he responded slowly, after a reluctant pause.

He was absolutely right; she snort-giggled into her beer. That heavy tension in the atmosphere promptly dissolved, and miraculously along with it, his paralyzing sense of disgrace. “Pffft. Of all the- That one?? Eh, I s’pose there’s really no accounting for taste, is there?”

Eishi sent her a disgruntled look, visibly put out by her reaction. “Enough, you. I actually liked that blade.”

She relaxed at his mild censure. He was calmer now, less tense, less brittle. In turn, that pleased her, too. She took another sip of her beer, already on her second can.

“So make an even better one, then. In the first place, you haven’t even fully developed that technique yet with how recently you came up with it,” she pointed out.

He drank to that, too. “I intend to.” There was a firmness in his quiet reply, an unshakable resolve that hardened his usually distant, lavender gaze, as he retreated to a place within himself that would not allow him to give up until he had achieved what he sought to.

She eyed him silently over the rim of her drink. That look of relentless, dogged determination was something that she hadn’t seen on him for a long time.

“…You really are having fun with this,” she observed once more with insistence, her lips twitching up in a delighted smile.

“It’s not fun,” he promptly corrected her. “It’s…frustrating.”

“But at least it’s not boring anymore, right?” She nudged him knowingly. He sighed and looked down at her plainly amused expression. She wasn’t going to give up until he admitted it, was she? He really did not know how she did it; there was not one word of consolation offered over his defeat, but still she made him feel so much better, all the same.

“…No. It’s not boring anymore,” he acknowledged. He was simmering, seething quietly beneath that deceptively calm, tranquil façade of his. “I actually feel…quite displeased,” he admitted, frowning slightly and looking quite out of sorts with himself.

She snorted, once again, at the understatement. He was really terrible at expressing anger. She reached up and petted his head for trying his best, all the same. “There, there. Let it all out. You want Rindou onee-chan to give you a hug too? Not to blow my own trumpet, but my hugs are seriously the best.”

He stared at her shamelessly bragging. Or maybe not, since he knew from experience that her hugs were seriously the best indeed, as advertised.

“Okay,” he agreed readily to her half joking offer. Perhaps it was the beer that relaxed his inhibitions, for he briefly studied her where she was sitting beside him, and then, without hesitation, he reached out, grabbed her around her middle, and half tugged, half lifted her onto his lap. She paused in surprise at his spontaneity, but before anything else could be said, he folded his arms around her and gently nested her against himself. He pressed his face into crimson fragrance of her hair and inhaled, sighing at her warmth and softness.

“…I’m glad you came,” he told her truthfully. It made him feel sleepy too, tension dissipating, and weariness rushing to the forefront in the face of this simple, reassuring contentment that was Rindou.

Her gaze softened. Her arms curled lazily around him in return, and she snuggled up to her best friend.

“Mm. You worked hard today, Tsukasa. Well done-”

xXxXxXxXxX

#Shokugeki no Soma #Food Wars: Shokugeki no Souma #Tsukasa Eishi #Kobayashi Rindou #EiRin #EiRin: Peerless AU #freestyle #my fics

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cloudynames · 5 years

Text

Tangerines

hello everyone!! im so excited for this story im releasing hehe~ i hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it. happy new years as well!! i hope 2019 brings you all good health and fortune

Word Count: 3,965

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Suicide, mental health issues

lets get it

-----------------------------

“T-Taeyong! I’m sorry to bother you but I couldn’t help it seeing you here! I’ve loved you for a long time even before we were friends. I would be honored if you accepted my confession…”

Taeyong nervously rubbed the nape of his neck and shook his head side to side, giving a pitiful smile to the girl in front of him, “Sorry, I’m not interested in relationships...”

That was an awkward trip to the grocery store.

When Taeyong arrived home that night, he cracked open a can of beer, almost downing the whole drink in one go. It was the same thing as the day before. Taeyong probably even couldn’t count how many times he’s been confessed to this month. Quite honestly, he was tired of it.

He always lived a lonely life, having only a few friends. Taeyong couldn’t even imagine the burden of having a relationship. Commitment and someone depending on him? He would never be cut out for it. It’s fine though.

The voice in his head tells him he doesn’t need anyone.

He snaps out of his daydream of him reflecting on his incredibly boring life and stares at the clock hanging in his living room. Eyes widening, he rushes to his work table and begins to work on his newest project. This customer wanted her piece done in three days. Although it was quite small, he wanted to perfect it. Just like how everything should be, perfect.

Taeyong found his love for sculpture while he was taking the class as an elective in college. His teacher captivated him with her expressive phrases and terms as she described how it wasn’t as simple as molding a few blocks together. She explained that with a single tap of a hammer or pushing down one's finger to hard, a whole project can go to waste. He loved the risk of failure, the complexity, and especially the feeling of perfection in one of his artworks.

Halfway through his semester, he changed his major to sculpture from financing. His parents were more than supportive when they realized how passionate their son was about his newfound passion. Taeyong made sure he paid them back with the first few paychecks he received from his pieces. Soon enough, he became very popular for his works and people were begging for him to take commissions from the famous Taeyong of Seoul.

He leaned back in chair and placed the clay robin in the mini tabletop oven. Setting it on the lowest setting, he contacted the buyer, telling her that the piece was done and she could pick it up the next day.

In the hot, early morning, a rapid tapping comes from Taeyong’s front door. Still buttoning his clean, baby blue shirt, he opens the door and gives a kind smile to the woman.

She moves over to the display table Taeyong had displayed previously and she examines the sculpture. Not receiving a response immediately, Taeyong grew nervous. Does she hate it?

Suddenly, she glances up and grins. “It’s perfect for our anniversary. Thank you.”

Soon she was on her way and Taeyong had an envelope filled with his pay. It was quite a lot for such a small project, so much that he could live a few days just on that one check. He was feeling bored nearing the afternoon of that day so he strolled over to his computer and waited for it to stir and flicker with life.

His eyes scroll over numerous emails and requests, typing out responses to those he can’t take. Either he didn’t liked the idea or feel motivated but it was most latter. One email stood out in particular and he cocks his eyebrow in surprise. Had he already found something that had interested him with only a few minutes of searching?

Two things jumped out at him: the email was sent by Seo Johnny, CEO of a technology company, and that it was very, very open ended.

The requirements were simply as followed: ‘I desire a sculpture of a beautiful lover. However, I want it to be in the beautiful in the eye of the artist. Please have it done by the end of next month. Thank you.’

Taeyong swiftly typed out a response and he wearily sighed. What did a beautiful lover look to him?

Never being in love before, his head searched for answers but ultimately ended up frustrated. He doesn’t know what beauty looks like! As he thought more and more about his most recent project, the answer became clear.

He found sculpture beautiful.

Drawing up a quick diagram of what the sculpture would look like, he stopped once he needed to draw the face. Pursing his lips, he drew two dots for eyes and a line for the mouth. He would worry about that later.

Grabbing some wire, he started to shape the body of his sculpture. He knew this project would take more time than the rest of his pieces since it would come directly from his heart.

Watching the inner cask dry, he rolled over to his computer and very pathetically typed in, ‘beautiful people.’

Faces of men and women appeared of all different races. Bored, he scrolled in that google search bar for what seemed like forever. Nothing interested him and he supposes nothing will ever. Taeyong didn’t want to live life alone for he would be an outcast in society. However, he didn’t want to marry whoever had a decent enough face.

In the back of his mind, something screams at him that it’s better to be alone.

Taeyong agrees.

The next day, Taeyong stares at his creation, wondering how to fulfill the wishes of the customer. He sighs and grabs a handful of clay, almost slapping it harshly onto the cask. Covering the cask to create bumpy shapes, he bites his lip in contemplation.

He hates going for it without a definite plan, but he’s going for it.

After five harsh hours of cutting, shaping, and smoothing, he had formed the base of the body. Taeyong begin to detail the head, forming hair from his wire end tool. He tried to imagine the sculpture in motion, someone joyful and engaging.

Someone incredibly different to him.

His nimble fingers worked tirelessly as they became numb to the pain of being in such awkward positions. Shaking the cramps out from his hand, he formed lines for a mouth and nose. He continued to work that night.

And the next.

Soon enough, he had finished the curves and perfections within his project and his taste had been satisfied. Taeyong genuinely thought what he created was beautiful, more graceful than any woman or man could be. His fingers grazed the surface of the clay shoulder and he shuddered at the warm feeling that flowed from his head to his toes. Taking a thumb, he brushed over the plump, luscious lips. It was simply perfection.

A small crack destroyed that image of quality just after he removed his thumb and saw a small crack had surfaced. Gasping loudly, he worked hurriedly to fill the crack before any more damage had been done.

Maybe perfection wasn’t achievable. He was a fool for thinking so.

With the notion of a deep, lulling sadness in his chest, he fell on his bed. The voices in his head tell at him that nothing would be perfect ever and that he should accept that his life was lonely. For the first time in the entire twenty-three years of misery, he longed for someone to touch.

The sense of loneliness did not leave the next morning but amplified. Rolling over and reaching out for something to grab but ending up with nothing tore him apart.

Grumbling, he rose from his bed and patted over to his statue. A shriek left his throat as he hyper-analyzed the small cracks scattered upon the figure. He tapped them lightly, lighter than a feather hitting the ground, and almost fainted when the cracks began to grow bigger. With blurry eyes, he shakily grasped onto a scraper and embarked on his journey to repair his model. His calloused fingers treated the imperfections with the filling clay to cover his mistakes. Taeyong was on the brink of a mental breakdown with silent tears streaming down his face, watching his most wonderful work slowly come apart.

His chest heaved heavily with pain and anxiety even after he had fixed everything. He suspected something was wrong with his mixture and he threw out every ingredient he owned that went into making the concoction. Shopping would be joyful the next day.

He went to go make himself a small breakfast after the traumatic experience. Coming back with a plate of toast and a tangerine, he nearly dropped his food when he saw the hand of his statue slowly stretch and move its hand. Taeyong blinked once, twice—even three times as he tried to comprehend what was happening. The plate was left on the table and he was tucked right back into bed. This entire situation was happening because he was tired, right? There was no way that a statue can come alive and wiggle its fingers like a toddler.

Taeyong nearly forgot the incident as he stretched and looked over at his clock which read, ‘1:27.’

Slowly and carefully, he approached his workspace, not looking in front of him. Opening his eyes, he fell onto the ground harshly and scooted back to the nearest wall in distress.

In front of him was a gorgeous and very human person, blinking and showing off their body to the whole world.

“Oh my god!” Taeyong screamed while the beautiful person in front of him blinked, confusion spreading upon their face.

Taeyong could barely think but he connected his thoughts together to make some sort of plan. He grabbed an old shirt and sweatpants, blushing profusely as he handed them to the person in front of them. They stared at it and before Taeyong could leave, they latched onto his arm. He had never shaken so much as he clothed them, sliding the baggy shirt over their head.

He wondered how he was a known artist but most recently became a babysitter for someone definitely not a child. Watching them as they played with their soup, he sighed.

What had he gotten himself into? More importantly, how did his carving become a human when yesterday you were a pile of clay?

Taeyong would find out throughout the night that they couldn’t form coherent sentences so he gave them a crash course on language. To be fair, you didn’t have comprehension of anything. He was just glad you were a quick learner. Supernatural could explain your abilities. You grasped onto concepts better than a baby even though you had never been exposed to such things. Peeping at the clock while the two of you were studying, he decided to call it for the night. He had shoved you into his room that night and you sat there pouting with big eyes.

Taeyong closed the door quietly and laid on his uncomfortable couch. At least he had some time before the statue was due or he would’ve been screwed. Not noticing when he drifted off to sleep, he was startled when he heard the creaking of his familiar bedroom door. He shut his eyes tightly until he heard the light breath of another’s presence.

Carefully, he peeked open his eyes and saw you kneeling on the ground, staring at him with a deep look.

“Y-Yes?”

“I want Taeyong.”

His face was definitely on fire by now.

“What do you want me to do?”

A pout was still graced on your lips, “Sleep.”

He let you grab his large hand in your small one, dragging you to the bed. You laid down stiffly, looking at the ceiling. He chuckled and snaked his arm under you, forcing you to curl into his side. Taeyong didn’t know he could be so suave.

“Better?”

“Better.”

The little quirks that Taeyong discovered made him slowly forget the fact that you were clay and that you were more human than a masterpiece. Yes, you might have incredibly hard skin and for that reason Taeyong was extra careful to not possibly cause a crack. It was your personality and emotions that caused you to be a completely different essence.

He noticed how you would pout whenever he left him for too long but that smile instantly returns once he comes back. You loved the taste of tangerines but you hated peeling them. Sometimes you would blow at your hair to get it out of your eyes and every single time Taeyong saw this, his heart leapt a little.

Taeyong was slowly falling for you. He wasn’t stupid though. Conversations between himself and his head made sure that he knew he was to be shunned from society if anyone knew his dirty secret for he was cruelly in love with a creation of his perfection. No matter how loud the voices got, he ignored them and continued to fall for you. Never did he want his feelings to slip towards you, especially since he knows you’ve been watching dramas.

He observed you play with your dinner, something you haven’t done since the first night you transformed.

“What’s wrong?” He softly asked, putting down his chopsticks. You bit your lip, opening your mouth then closing tightly.

“Why does everyone have a name? Do I have a name?” You quietly questioned and Taeyong could hear the quick scrapes against the floor while you kicked nervously. He made sure to add that onto his list of ever growing affections.

“Well... No. You don’t have a name.” Taeyong chose his words carefully and the voices in his head keep screaming ‘danger’ at him for making such a silly mistake.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you breathed out, “I want a name.”

Taeyong rushed to your side and wiped away the tears, staining your ceramic face. He coos and brings your head to his chest, fingers finding their way through your hair.

“Don’t cry, we can still give you a name.” He smiles, gazing down at you. Sniffling, you gawk at him, eyes twinkling with happiness.

“R-Really?”

He chuckled, rubbing your backside. “Of course. I think {y/n} would be a perfect fit, do you?”

A wide grin spreads on your face and you hug Taeyong tighter than ever before. “I love it!”

Taeyong wishes he could be the one you love.

His daily routine had been morphed and suddenly you were included in everything. He taught you how to do simple clay models, helping when you couldn’t mold it correctly to your liking. You learned little things Taeyong loved as well like how he needed to have a cup of green tea with every meal. You definitely felt something in your chest whenever he smiled and excusing yourself, you head to the bathroom to soothe your aching chest. Nothing could explain the feeling except what those dramas told you which was love.

It made you feel hot and sweaty yet high all at the same time. The feeling made you want to grab onto Taeyong’s hand and hold it longer than usual or to feel his kisses planted everywhere on your body. You wanted a declaration of love. The girls on the television would have their cheeks painted pink as the boy shouted his feelings towards them, infuriating you because that’s all you could ever desire with Taeyong.

Taeyong knew he couldn’t hide his unproclaimed love for you. He knew it was wrong, but it felt so sinful and right to innocently hold you. The aspiration of wanting more sat in his stomach ever since he started to fall for you and he wasn’t planning on pushing you away anytime soon.

Later on an unknown date while working on a small piece, he heard the oh-so familiar patting of feet moving towards him. He grinned to himself, wiping his hands with a hand towel before turning around and seeing your surprisingly energetic face.

“I can’t sleep.”

Taeyong snickered and knocked on the seat next to him. “How come I knew you were going to say that?”

You giggled and took a seat next to him, analyzing his newest piece. “What is it?”

“Ah, this is a turtle.” Taeyong remarks, pushing two tiny dots on the surface to make beady eyes.

You hum in response and tap your fingers on the table. You open your mouth, “Can I help?”

Taeyong nods and rises from his seat, letting you take his. Nervously, you waited for further instruction.

“Let’s mold the legs. Turtles have four so we’ll need to make four that seem similar enough to each other.”

He showed you how to make the first one, trying to use words you’ve come across and not including difficult technical words.

Your hands weren’t used to shaping the clay so naturally you became more frustrated as yours didn’t look similar to Taeyong’s. You tried making the base wider like his but it seemed like the clay disappeared in your hands.

“Let me help you.”

His hands covered yours instantly and you could feel every vein in your body pounding. He was so close to the point where you could smell his cologne and feel his wet breaths coating the back of your neck. Goosebumps covered your entire body since nothing like this has ever happened before.

You didn’t even noticed when he finished helping you create the leg until he patted you on the shoulder. Gaping up at him, you feel your eyes being absorbed into his. The way his hair was messy from hands running through it and a tiny scar near his right eye captivated you. He was truly perfection. If there was a god in this world, he spent all his time working on Taeyong, his greatest masterpiece.

Taeyong blushed as he looked into your eyes. They were sparkling with adoration. He has seen this scene countless of times with numerous men and women who confessed to him. However, a new question arises. Would he accept you?

He was the one who came crashing down on your face. Taking your smooth face into his hands and tilting your chin up, he kissed you. It was so soft and delicate that one would’ve not even noticed they were getting kissed. You tasted like the tangerines you had for a snack and him like his daily cup of coffee. The surface of his lips were hard and chapped from the continuous biting while yours were as smooth as hardened clay (which you were). Desperately, your lips wanted more. Yet as quickly as Taeyong let you in, he backed out, giving you a shy smile.

“Sorry, you looked too cute not to kiss.”

His days were now complete as he found himself adapting to be your lover. He kissed you, hugged you, and made you feel like the most expensive frame in any museum. The budding seed of a romantic relationship had formed and Taeyong couldn’t help but water it.

Deep, evil voices in his head told him it wouldn’t last for long.

Oh, how they were right.

Giggling, Taeyong placed you on the kitchen counter, lips attacking every inch of your neck.

“Baby… You’re so cute.” He murmured, nibbling on your tough ear and immediately receiving a toothache from it. Taeyong ignores the pain and presses himself closer to you, forehead against yours.

“Can we watch a movie today?” You request, hands brushing his cheekbones.

Taeyong nods and straightens. “I’ll go pick out a movie.” He turns, already moving to grab a DVD from his collection.

“Can I join?”

Your hand had already latched out to grab his and you weren’t ready for his sudden, sharp movements. Slipping, you crash into the ground.

A shatter fills the room and Taeyong twists around, horrified. Once was his lover was now a mess of clay and dust, coating every inch of the floorboards.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Taeyong wails, falling to the ground urgently and pulls every piece he could grab together. Cuts broke his skin and his blood mixed with the remains of once a magnificent masterpiece. The voices become mocking as they laugh at his anguish. His head, dizzy with desperation, falls against the ground. A howl forms within his throat and he pushes it back down. He makes fists with his hand, digging into the cuts and he punches his thighs.

“Don’t worry baby, don’t worry. I can fix this! Yeah, I can!” Taeyong scrambles to his workstation and grabs whatever supplies he can find. He molds uneven shapes, hands stuttering with every move. His mind is filled with worry and pain, not being able to remember which steps he took to design you, his love and the only love he’ll ever want. After not being able to recreate your eye shape, he moans and throws the wad of clay, splattering it all over the cabinets. He rocks himself back and forth on the cold ground, banging on the floor repeatedly.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do it.” He bawls, wiping at his face.

The one person he ever loved was gone, all because of a mistake. Broken was the only word that could describe how his emotions were. The whispering became louder and soon it was the only thing he could listen to. Nothing mattered anymore. He was bound to be lonely forever. What was the point? To continue to live life lonely and to spend the rest of his days thinking about the one who got away?

Grabbing a bottle of pills, he empties the contents down his throat. For a minute, nothing happened. He was simply just waiting for his suffering to come. It hit him as a shortness of breath and his head being foggy. He couldn’t remember what he was doing or what was happening. Laying his head on the floor and his body following, he stared at the ceiling. An abdominal pain struck him at the side, crunching his body. He closes his eyes and hoped this nightmare would end.

And so it did.

———————-

Taeil looked at the police report again, hands brushing through his hair as he stretched out his back. His eyes widened at the name, recognizing it instantly. The victim’s name was Lee Taeyong, the man who created something for his sister-in-law for her wedding gift.

His eyes scanned through the paper until he reached what he wanted to know. Had he been suffering with mental health this entire time?

‘Cause of death: Suicide

Found by: CEO of Seo Enterprises, Seo Johnny. He had requested to see how far his commission had come along when he found Lee Taeyong on the floor with no pulse and broken clay surrounding his body. This was about two days after this death.

Mental state: Lee Taeyong has been struggling with mental health all throughout his life. His parents have notified the police that he did, in fact, have severe depression. His mother was worried as well that he might have inherited psychosis from his father’s side as it was genetic. This would explain the background check with his parents when they told investigative forces about how he would hear people in his head. Friends of Lee Taeyong could also testify of him hearing these voices’

Taeil looked out the rainy window and closed the case file. How cruel the world was that it would take away such a young, inspiring person.

He checked the time and saw it was time for his snack. Pulling out a bag, he grabbed a tangerine and continued to work on case files, writing up reports.

Biting into a slice, he groaned, “Aw, this one is bitter!”

#NCT #nct scenarios #nct imagine #nct headcanon #nct 127 #nct u #nct lee taeyong #lee taeyong #nct 2019 #writing #kpop #kpop imagine #kpop scenarios #kpop headcanons #taeyong

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lynxandbadger · 5 years

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hey yall you may or may not have noticed that i havent been on a lot lately and now the mukbang video and some other things in my life have made me decide to go on an indefinite hiatus from tumblr. i might occasionally post an edit or something every now and again, but i wont actually be on reblogging things or anything so see you all again who knows when. i might come back someday or maybe not idk but thanks for being there for me and showing me the phandom side of tumblr, i’ve met some really great people here and if you’re wondering if i mean you, i absolutely do, youre all incredible <3

this will probably get long and for that i apologize, but im a sentimental person and i cant leave without a proper goodbye. im putting it under a readmore so you dont have to suffer through it if you dont want to lol

before i get heavy with the unnecessary backstory, let me just thank you all so much for following me. ive only had this blog for less than a year but you guys have already shown me so much love and that means so much to me. i met a lot of good people here in the phandom and i feel sorry that i never talked to more of you. words dont even begin to cover how thankful i am to have gotten to interact with all of you <3

okay next of all this is not because of something bad, its actually bc i feel like ive outgrown tumblr? lol but like i said this is gonna be long and youre the one who clicked on the readmore so youre committed sorry alsfdkjalgh anyway yo long backstory warning here we go okay so like if you saw that super long reflection post i made like two months or whenever, you will know that i used to have a tumblr four years ago and tldr i left it and put it on a pedestal for all these years and it wasnt until two months ago when i went back through the entire thing that i realized i had just romanticized it blah blah weve been over this. my point is, tumblr for me has always been an escape from real life and a place where i could talk to people because in real life there was no one for me to interact with at all. but now,,,,,,, i dont really need that. im in college. i see and talk to people usually almost every day. im no longer an isolated little girl stuck in her room all day.

now that im in college, i realized i am in control of my own life. things have been happening and ive been doing things ive never even imagined possible. i am a human with one life and its up to me to make it the best life i can. its my birthday today and i am starting on a new decade of my life whether i want to or not. i recently went through a long thought process vaguely how i think the one dan went through when he decided he hated law school and dropped out. prepare yourself for another backstory dump lol. so all my life ive been like told that im so smart and everyone has always expected me to be smart and so i decided to be a chemistry major because ive always like chemistry i guess and wow everyone expects me to do something super “”smart”” like that and theres been so much pressure by people and by myself to live up to this expectation of being an exceptional student and incredibly smart and now im out here being in college and struggling with the reality that im,,,,, not that smart,,,,, and that i dont even enjoy chemistry like i thought i did,,,,,, ive been battling with my own expectations of myself to be this person that ive always expected myself to be my entire life but ive realized now that thats just not realistic. and ive decided that those old expectations just dont matter. im not who i thought i was and thats okay. im trying to learn to accept the past but not let it rule me anymore and just let go. im changing my major and not letting myself be upset that im not living up to who i once thought i would be. id rather be happy and enjoy what i choose for myself than keep up the appearance of who ive always been told to be.

i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what the future holds. but i do know that im going to stop letting my past define me and just live my life how i want it to be and not how i thought it should be.

and as a result of this, i no longer feel like i need tumblr as a crutch. i used to sit on this website for hours and not be able to stop. now i come on tumblr and get bored within minutes. i thought i would never be able to get off of this site. i thought i would always need it. but i dont think i do anymore.

so goodbye tumblr. weve had some good times, and weve had some bad. this site has seen me through five tumultuous years of my life. ive met some incredible people because of my time here and im honestly glad ive had this website to hold me for all these years. so long and goodnight, tumblr.

embrace the void and have the courage to exist

love,

eloise xoxo

#i know this is kind of out of the blue but what isnt in life tbh #anyway im excited for how uncertain things are #like now that ive decided to abandon my old life 'plan'#anything goes #there are no rules anymore #it will take a long time to train my brain to not automatically think the old thoughts #of living up to high expectations #but ill get there #anyway if any of you want to keep in touch #my kik is catfacepen #and my instagram is @frozenalabaster #so gather round piggies and kiss this goodbye #id encourage your smiles and expect you wont cry #i hope you all have fantastic lives #goodbye #eloise is being loud

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organisaticns · 6 years

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so im due to start at cambridge university for bio natural sciences in october and i thought i would write a post about what helped me make a successful application. hopefully this is useful to some people!! (also this is an incredibly long post you’ve been warned)

if anyone wants me to do a more in depth post on one specific section, or you guys have any questions at all, feel free to drop me a message!!

choosing a course

this is the most important bit!!! you’re dedicating 3/4/5/6 years of your life to this

oxbridge as rule (esp cambridge) have slightly different courses to other universities so do your research - on their websites and at open days

i know top students are supposed to apply to oxbridge bc “it’s the best” and stuff but if the courses offered don’t interest you or you prefer how other unis teach that course, DON’T APPLY!! it’s not worth it

generally, look at your a level/ib/etc subjects and which sort of courses they meet the entry requirements for then look at websites and stuff to try and narrow it down

talk to current students! the blog askacambridgestudent on tumblr is great, each area has an oxbridge conference each april if you can go, ask students at open days

they can tell you what it’s actually like

read some books in the subject area you’re considering, watch ted talks, go to masterclasses, do work experience

this will help you choose a course and also be useful later when you write your personal statement

okay so when i was applying people kept telling me i would only be successful if the only thing i thought about 24/7 was biology and it was the love of my life. this is not true. you can have other interests don’t believe the people that tell you that you cant

that being said you need to be passionate about your subject!! refer to bullet point 1!! they want to know that you’re interested in it and this needs to show

oxford vs cambridge

this is really hard for some people but my course is only offered at cambridge so i did not have this problem

so first see if you prefer the course offered at one of them

if not, visit both and hopefully you’ll get a better vibe from one

i have no good advice here

writing your personal statement

okay writing a ps is just not fun okay prepare yourself for that

if anyone wants a biology/natural sciences example message me and i can send you mine

this post has some really good advice

start early, aim to have it completely done and edited by early september (oxbridge deadline is 15th october)

first, think about things you want to write about - i wrote a paragraph on a book i’d read, a paragraph each on two summer schools i did, a paragraph on my epq, and a paragraph on extracurricular

things you can talk about - books, ted talks, lectures, summer schools, masterclasses, epq, independent research into stuff, work experience

when you’re writing about stuff you gotta engage with it, so dedicate a whole paragraph to one book, then take one key theme and talk about how it interested you and how you looked up other things to do with it - link it to a different concept or talk about which theory you like best if theres conflicting theories in the field etc

it’s a hard thing to do but just pick different bits you liked about the book and try to discuss it - a key theory, theme, character etc

you can be asked about your ps in interview so make sure you’re comfortable discussing the books on your ps

you also do not need to talk about multiple books if you don’t want to, i only talked about one and i know people who didn’t mention any

don’t just say things like “im passionate about biology”!! back it up with something!! say you’re passionate about one specific topic in your field and why, discuss how different things you did/read consolidated your interest, show your interest through discussion about the subject

try to link in slightly different subject areas or experiences, and definitely link everything to your course and why you’d be a good student

i managed to link my latin AS level to biology so anything is possible folks

while you want all your paragraphs to be very supercurricular based on things you’ve done and read, try and drop in some of those buzz words they love - you know like about your academic writing skills, enthusiasm, opportunity, dedication, communication, interdisciplinary skills etc.

oxbridge do not give a shit about your extracurricular but other unis do so you want one paragraph max on it and try to link it to transferable skills - it makes you a good communicator etc

write your first draft - it will be shitty but just write it, leave the intro and conclusion to last

introductions and conclusions are super hard to write but it’s doable. try to take the general idea you’re trying to include (mine was how interdisciplinary study is important to both all the sciences together and sub disciplines in bio) and write a little bit about it

it doesn’t have to be long, your intro should introduce your passion to the subject (please don’t do the whole “i’ve wanted to study bio since i was five and x happened” thing)

conclusion can be super short, just reinforce you’re excited to study your subject in a new environment and have new opportunities

look at the tsr examples for inspiration

try to make it cohesive ish? have a running theme? (like how this one has a running theme? i actually took a lot of inspiration from that ps)

don’t say things like “im a motivated and commited student with good time management skills” without smth to back it up - “while undertaking an independent research project, i developed time management skills, and researching x made me more interested bc y” is better (i mean still not incredible but i wrote that literally just now okay)

the student room has a load of examples from people who’ve already applied

read the ones in your subject, work out which bits you like and don’t like, apply to your own (be careful of plagiarism tho)

disclaimer: not all the ps on there are good

once you have a complete and awful first draft show it to a teacher

most people show it to the relevant subject teacher, but also to your tutor, the higher education adviser, oxbridge adviser

they will hopefully help you make it less awful but don’t let them change it so much it doesn’t sound like you

i showed mine to the oxbridge adviser at my school and well he laughed at it bc it was so bad so you know

but i didn’t listen to everything he said bc some of the things he wrote like no 17 year old would say

keep revising drafts, showing to teachers until you can’t stand reading it anymore then get someone else (maybe parents?) to spell check and be done with the horrible thing

no one likes their personal statement, you will read it in august and wonder how you could possibly write something so bad

the actual ucas application

make sure your predicted grades are at least as high as the entrance requirements

you don’t really have much control over your teacher reference but you can use it to mention things you couldn’t fit in your personal statement if you can convince your teachers to include stuff

make sure all your qualifications and stuff are accurate

the saq (cambridge only)

you have to fill this in straight after october 15th

it’s mostly boring admin stuff, filling in topics and class sizes etc.

you have an option to write an additional (shorter) personal statement

this is really useful if the course you’re applying to at oxbridge is different to the other courses youve applied to - such as if you applied to politics everywhere else but hsps at cambridge - use it to explain why you want to do that specific course at cambridge

but you definitely don’t have to write one, i didnt!

make sure you get this in on time

written work

for some courses you have to send in written work

i didn’t have to so i don’t have loads of advice, but make sure you send in stuff that you’re comfortable discussing at interview

they’ll be guidelines on the cambridge website and on your specific college’s website

admissions tests

not the most fun things

find the specification on the website and go through, highlighting and revising the points you don’t know

try to find some past papers and do them

this really depends on the subject you’re doing so i can’t give much more advice but if anyone needs advice specific to the NSAA shoot me a message

also, these are just part of your application and even if you came out of yours thinking it’s the worst test you’ve ever had it probably didn’t go that badly

the NSAA is the hardest test i’ve ever sat and i thought i had done completely shit and i still got an offer so there’s still hope

interviews

okay so first, don’t believe the rumours

you know the ones where people say they got given a banana and asked to use it to explain how quantum mechanics relates to of mice and men

interviews are definitely scary, but they are nowhere near as bad as people make them out to be, and they don’t ask you weird unrelated questions

make sure you know your personal statement inside out and you feel comfortable talking about the topics/books/etc you mentioned on there in depth

keep up to date with any recent news or high profile research in your field (you don’t need to know details, just have a vague idea of what’s going on)

this is especially important if you’re applying for politics or economics or something like that

if your school offers a mock interview, definitely have one, though don’t panic if you can’t have one there’s other ways to prepare

the whole point of interview is them wanting to see how you think and how you respond to unfamiliar problems

so i looked up a list of “past oxbridge interview questions” and practised writing down a quick answer to them and thinking about how i would go about solving the problem

oxford has some examples on the “sample questions” bit here

i also used this site but remember a lot of these probably aren’t actual interview questions

if you have an opportunity, just talk to your relevant subject teacher about the topics beyond your specification

you honestly don’t need to do too much interview prep, just do enough so you feel a bit calmer about the whole thing

hope some of that helps :)

#ucas #a levels #oxford #cambridge #oxbridge #university #masterposts #mine

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gfriendjp830 · 3 years

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morganbelarus · 7 years

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30 Reasons To Leave Your Hometown Before You Turn 25

Hamza

Moving away from home in my early 20s has helped me become stronger, more aware, and most of all, more thankful. This article is intended to help illustrate how and why I think its a good idea to leave your hometown at a young age.

Ive made some pretty good decisions in my life. I can confidently admit that. Ive done a lot of things in my life that Im happy about. There are a lot of times I can reflect back on and genuinely be glad that I made a certain decision and it led me to where I am now.

For example, Im genuinely glad that I worked hard in school and that I was receptive to my parents when they were telling me education was important. Even though I didnt make straight As and often got into arguments with my parents about my grades (I thought a B was good enough), my good GPA allowed me to get into a good college and actually made me one of the first in my family to graduate with a four-year degree.

Along with that, Im happy about the college I chose and made the friends that I did. I dont know where I would be without a lot of the people in my life, and I owe a lot of that to my 4 years spent at Duquesne University.

However, up to this point, there is nothing I can be more thankful for than the fact that I moved 1,100 miles away right after college. This arguably has taught me more about life, myself, and others than anything else ever has. I wanted to share some of the things Ive learned along the way, which again is the intention of this article.

I am writing this with two people in mind.

Person 1

The person who is currently living in their hometown without a real reason to stay there. Maybe you have considered moving away from home before, but something keeps holding you back. Youre not sure what it is. Maybe its the fear of the unknown, maybe you dont want to be lonely, maybe youre trying to be smart with money (I get it), or maybe its just the simple fact that you like where you are and dont want to leave.

Person 2

The person who actually has moved from home, has had a great experience, and can relate to some of the incredible things that happen as a result of trying something new.

So, coming from somebody who was once Person 1 and now happily can consider himself in the Person 2 category, Ive come up with 30 reasons to illustrate why moving away from home was the best decision of my life to date.

(Disclaimer: Before 25 years old was not meant to be exact. This list is true for many other ages. The main overarching point is that moving somewhere new at a relatively young age is really helpful starting out.)

Here is the list, based on my personal experiences…

1. You will learn what it means to be truly independent.

You will learn what it takes to not rely on others for assistance with every little thing. Youll figure out what to do if your tire pops, when your air conditioner breaks, when you dont know what to cook for yourself without immediately relying on family and people you know. It feels good to figure things out on your own.

2. Conversations are easy and interesting.

People in your new city will find you interesting and ask about where youre from. Youll do the same for them and it will be fun to talk about similarities, differences, and past experiences.

3. You arent tied down with commitments.

If youre going to uproot your life and do something entirely different or risky, you might as well do it before having kids, a family, and multiple established reasons to stick around. When else will you get to do it?

4. You can start completely fresh.

If youre unhappy with your life at home, need a change, or made some mistakes, it can be hard to move forward. If you want to re-brand or re-invent yourself, moving away allows you to start over with a clean slate.

5. Drake was wrong new friends.

There is no such thing as not making new friends. Well there is, but its boring. There are plenty of ways to make new friends in a new city. After moving to Florida and seeing others do the same, I reflect back on how everybodys group of friends is now completely different from what it once was. And nobody has lost their original friends just gained new, great ones. Its always fun when your hometown friends come together with your new friends too, so it helps you look forward to those kinds of meetings as well. On top of that, I met a great girl who I likely wouldnt have met had I not come to Florida.

6. Networking opportunities effortlessly happen.

You will meet people that will change your life from a professional or personal standpoint. Ive met so many people in Florida that have helped me move up professionally as well as helped me develop spiritually. This will effortlessly happen when you move.

7. New skills that wouldnt happen otherwise.

Youll learn new skills by moving away from home. I got golf lessons in Florida, which is something I likely never would have done in my hometown. Also, I now know a ton about data analytics and all sorts of paid media, which may not have happened had I not made the leap.

8. You hear different perspectives.

Gaining new perspectives is a huge part of moving away from home. At home, you only know the perspective of people who had a very similar experience to yours. You all went to the same high school, knew the same people, went to the same places, and had the same favorite teams. You will meet people whose mindsets and backgrounds will inspire you and maybe even teach you something about yourself that you never unlocked before.

9. Different weather.

Moving from Pittsburgh to Tampa was shocking because I had never gotten so much Vitamin D in my life. Whether its moving from cloudy to sunny, rainy to dry, sunny to cold, you will find new weather which will lead to new things to do, and possibly even an appreciation for what you had experienced before.

10. Different things to do.

I used to always hang out with my same couple of friends, go to the same couple of bars, hang out at the same houses afterward, on the same days of the week, at the same times. And its always the same people at those bars, every time. I do such a variety of things now and its so much more interesting. Moving away from home may freak you out because your mind is trained that there are only a limited number of things to do. But when you leave, you realize that it is all dependent on your location, your friends, the weather, your job, and many other factors that will likely give you so many more options.

11. Your parents already did their part.

Not to be overly harsh, but if youre still living at your actual house, realize that your parents already did their job in raising you, and that you need to not only give yourself some freedom, but give them some as well. I understand easing into real life, but still living at home long after college is pretty drastic, even if it allows you to stack up money. Moving away from home will be good for you and your parents.

12. Learning to survive with insecurities.

There are times youll feel insecure. Walking into a social situation alone. Walking into a new job. Presenting at a business meeting to people older than you. Barely affording rent. Seeing people in better shape than you. But the beauty of it is that you learn to handle this and use it as motivation to get better. If you never experience being insecure and getting through it, youll have a harder time handling situations later in life.

13. Greater confidence.

From learning to deal with insecurities, you gain confidence. You start to realize after a while that youll get in a groove, start learning more, things will start clicking, and youll get better at things. You will have way more confidence knowing you made it there yourself. One day youll look around and realize wow, I have a nice place, a car I paid for by myself, and a whole group of friends in a new state. Its amazing to look back and realize how much youve grown.

14. You discover new interests.

You dont know what you dont know. Moving to a new place might introduce you to something you didnt know existed. I know people who have experienced moving away from home to different states and ended up going down paths they originally hadnt planned because they found something they were passionate about. Some are pursuing their dream jobs now. What is more fun than that?

15. You learn to trust yourself.

When youre in a new place, you often have no one else to rely on except yourself. Yes, there are people you can ask at work, you can phone a friend or family member at home, but sometimes you have to make big decisions on your own. One thing Ive learned is that I trust myself and my gut decisions more. That gut feeling is something I have a lot more faith in now and I usually know that the decision Im making will make sense.

16. Growing closer to your family.

I appreciate my family so much more when I look at my situation now and realize that I wouldnt have gotten here without them. They instilled me with a mindset that made me confident enough to move 1,100 miles away at age 22. They provided me with enough support to get me started. They helped get me through college. When you realize these things, and you dont see them as often, you make it a point to call them, see them, and get closer to them. It just happens.

17. Youll view your hometown more positively.

Sometimes I go over a year without going back home. But when I do go back home, I really appreciate the little things I thought were awful and boring before. For example, Florida (although beautiful) is very flat, and there are just palm trees and similar views everywhere. Now I go home and I really appreciate the basic things like the hills and different views I dont get here. My girlfriend, who grew up in Florida, has encouraged me to appreciate landscapes and views other than palm trees. When she came back to Pennsylvania with me for the first time, I was shocked as to why she thought it was all so beautiful, but now I understand. Its also nice to keep close with hometown friends and of course, family.

18. More career opportunities.

There are only so many jobs within reasonable traveling distance from you. Lets say you have a marketing degree and you live in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA. There may be 300 jobs available, with 45 of them being in your experience range, with the maximum salary being $45K for the ones you qualify for. You could move to a different city and there could be 800 jobs available, with 160 of them in your experience range, with the maximum pay being $70K for one you could actually get. You could just be missing out on potentially great career opportunities and more money just because of your location and unwillingness to leave.

19. You reflect more.

Moving away from home teaches you to reflect and be alone with your thoughts, in a positive way. When youre in your hometown and youre constantly surrounded by people you grew up with and family members, you may not get a lot of time alone. Especially at home when your parents are asking you questions left and right. When you move away, you can get a one bedroom place and literally be alone for an entire day if you choose to be. With distractions being everywhere these days, it can be comforting and helpful to just get away and reflect.

20. You learn to manage money.

You have to. Ive lived in one bedroom apartments most of my time in Tampa and believe me it gets expensive. New situations means more things you want to do/try, which means more spending. Not to mention Im a caffeine freak (but trying to get better) so I spend at least $3 per day. Anyway, you learn to manage your money. You even learn how to get in a little bit of debt then get out of it which is always fun.

21. You experience the feeling of accomplishment.

This is similar to number 13 (gaining confidence), but with a heavy focus on reflection. It is so nice to look back on your situation, where you came from, and realize how far youve gotten. After 4 years I finally feel established in a new city/state and it is an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and thankfulness. You will also get new jobs, reach new milestones, and achieve different things.

22. Phones exist.

You can easily call people, see what people are up to on social media, and text. Snapchat is basically real-time. You literally can be 1,100 miles away and know exactly what happened all weekend in your hometown. More often than not, your weekend ends up being more interesting.

23. Traveling exists.

When you move, if you really miss home that bad, or youre just going through a time where you are extra lonely for whatever reason, you can travel. Its never impossible to see people after moving away from home. Depending on where you move to, long weekends can even make sense. Its important to make the most of a long weekend every once in a while. I know people in Florida who travel home for almost every long weekend when theres a holiday on a Monday or Friday.

24. Holidays become more exciting.

Naturally, as you get older, holidays just arent the same as they were when you were younger. However, when you move away to a different city or state, they do get a lot more exciting when you finally get the chance to come home. Holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter become times you look forward to more than ever before. They become reunions. They become so much more special because you havent seen people in so long. Similar to number 2 above, you have so much more to talk abut when you do go home.

25. You will inspire others.

One thing Ive found to be rewarding is that other people get inspired by your own experiences. Ive had friends move to Florida because of a visit with me. My brother saw me succeeding by moving away from home and ended up doing the same. I talk to people at home who say theyd love to try something new. Its good to set an example and inspire others.

26. You have the ultimate freedom.

I dont want to get this one confused with having personal independence. What I mean here is that you can make literally whatever decision you want. You can buy a car. You can get a dog. You can pursue a different field of work. You can make huge life decisions without dealing with the pressure of people around you. While typing this, I realized that a dog and a car were my two biggest purchases to date and Ive told my parents after the fact in both cases.

27. You can make huge mistakes.

Along with number 26, you can make massive mistakes and mess up your life temporarily. You can handle getting fired from a job, you can ruin a friendship, you can make a mistake in a social situation, or you can wreck your car. Making huge mistakes is fine because they will always work out and youll come out stronger on the other side. Moving away from home and having the ultimate freedom allows you to make bigger mistakes that allow you to learn bigger and more important lessons.

28. Feel comfortable making drastic changes.

You can shave your head. You can grow a long beard. You can start dressing a little differently. You can paint stripes on your car, or buy a car in a bright flashy color. You can start rooting for Florida State football (youre welcome Kelly). The point is moving from home allows you to feel comfortable reinventing yourself and just trying things out for fun. You may not even do anything drastic, but there is something cool about knowing you can, and you can feel comfortable. When less people know you, this is easier to do without feeling too weird.

29. Your comfort zone will limit you.

Comfort zones are nice to an extent, but they are restricting. If you train yourself to be too comfortable in your 20s, you may try to be too comfortable in your 30s. You might always lean towards whats easier for your entire life. The same way you make coffee or go for a run to set the tone early in the morning, set the tone early in your life by trying something new when youre young and hungry. That pattern just might follow you for your whole life.

30. Your faith will grow.

Ive naturally had faith in higher powers just from being raised in the church and reading the Bible. However, until you actually experience it in a real life way, you have no idea how much your faith can grow. After moving away, I had to figure a lot of things out, and HAD to have faith. Faith grows when you go through difficult experiences that challenge you. All in all, I would consider myself a work in progress from a spiritual standpoint, but after moving away I am exponentially more aware and more appreciative of Gods workings in my life.

30 things? Thats it?

I could keep going Im sure, but Im sure a small percentage of you even made it this far down the page. If you have, and youre somebody who is debating moving away from home for the first time, I hope this has helped you understand from an insider perspective that there are some great things in store for you if you take the leap.

For people who have already made a move, I hope you were able to relate to some of these points and I hope your experience has been as rewarding as mine. Feel free to comment with which ones in my list of 30 resonate the most with you, or if you have any others you would add about moving away from home.

If you dont fit into either one of these categories, maybe you know somebody who is struggling with the idea of moving away from home, or somebody who has done it recently and is having issues. Feel free to share this with them too!