#this reminds me so much of the incredible november 5th i had to do a meme

[use-your-telescope]

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 4: I'm Not Sure if Anybody Understands

Summary: The Avengers try to learn more about their newest team member.

Author's Notes: Reminder - this is a continuation of the same song from the last chapter. ❤️

If you enjoy, please reblog!! I'm a lil' blog (less than 100 followers, haha) and reblogs really help me out <3 Also, feel free to send me a message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list.

Next chapter should be coming November 5th.

Content Warnings: Some alcohol mentions. Angst if you squint?

Word Count: 6,762

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Some Nights - fun.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

“Hi, we’re Your Friendly Neighborhood Bar Band, and we’re here to play some music tonight.”

With the golden warmth of stage lights washing over her, Theo grinned at the cheers that came from Jack’s introduction and started plunking out the opening notes of their first song.

She started playing with the group shortly after accepting her position as an attending at New York Presbyterian, having been introduced by a colleague whose brother happened to be their drummer. That was a few years before; since then, the group had grown to add a couple other members and expanded their repertoire to cover almost anything and everything. For Theo, it was as much an opportunity to keep herself learning and practicing new instruments as anything else. Music was one of the few things in the world that brought her any sort of solace, as it was something her parents both placed a great value in, so any excuse to create music was welcome. 

Theo didn’t run the show - they all rotated out who fronted certain songs, and she was not needed to provide on-stage banter - but she did switch instruments most often, as she was the only one who had taken the initiative to learn all of the one-off instruments for the times when a song had a saxophone or a trumpet and it just didn’t sound right without that specific instrument. 

It was the last show she would play before news broke of the newest addition to the Avengers. Knowing full-well that meant she would need to step back from pre-planned appearances  or shows, she did her best to soak up each and every moment of the evening in hopes of tucking it away for a rainy day in the future. The stupid jokes that Jack told the crowd, Kelsie moving around so much that she inevitably crashed into Theo mid-song, the drunk guy in the audience who shouted at them to play Wonderwall, the scent of stale beer and sweat under half-lit fluorescents… 

Well, she soaked up everything except for the crowd of famous faces in the back. 

The Avengers lurked near the bar, each member’s posture stiff and uncomfortable as they watched the crowd drunkenly dancing and singing along to every word. For spies and assassins, they weren’t exactly great at blending in. If anything, they stuck out like a sore thumb.

She should have known they’d find their way there.

After pulling the stunt at the Avengers’ briefing, it was only a matter of time before they sought Theo out for some observation of their own. Catching the entire team off-guard was incredibly satisfying and certainly got under their skin… Which was exactly the point. If they thought she was predictable and stable, they’d trust her and want her to stay. And with the individual and collective egos in that room, she needed to knock them all down a peg or two. Pulling the rug out from under the entire team was an effective reminder that they weren’t as prepared as they thought they were.

And boy, did they need that reminder.

She’d seen the videos of their attempts at taking on shadow beasts, and if her initial suspicions were correct about the source of the pests, the Avengers certainly had no idea what they were in for… 

Screaming cheers from the audience snapped Theo out of her wandering thoughts. She pushed the irritation about presence from her mind; the Avengers already took up too much of her headspace. She didn’t need to let them ruin the night. 

No, she had a show to play and she’d be damned if she didn’t make the most of it.

She shook her head, bringing her attention back to Jack as he worked the crowd.

“Theo Amaris on the… well shit, she plays pretty much everything at one point or another. Piano, guitar, vocals, violin, cello, sax, trumpet— not only can she play pretty much every instrument and make it look easy, but she’s got two fucking Grammy nominations for it.”

At the announcement, Theo’s cheeks burned. 

The nominations weren’t for writing music - a friend of a friend was working at a recording studio and they needed someone to come in and help with recording a bunch of parts for a major recording musician. Theo was a broke med student in the middle of her residency at the time and well, the gig paid well. All she had to do was show up, play the instruments, sign an NDA, and she got more than her fair share of pay. Of course, now that the album was out and her name was in the song credits the NDA no longer applied, but at the time she wondered if the paycheck was more to keep quiet about it and less about recording the music.

The album ended up getting two grammy nominations - album of the year and country album of the year. 

“I didn’t write the songs, so I don’t know if it’s fair to say the nominations are mine… I was recruited to play a few instrumental parts, and I did it because I was a broke med student who needed money!” Theo interjected, earning a laugh and cheers from the crowd. “I didn’t even know who the recordings were for until a week before the album came out.”

“Theo what, like it’s hard? Amaris here, making us all look bad as she casually racks up Grammy nominations while in motherfucking med school. Actually, hey look, our next song is from that album!” Jack replied, earning a louder round of screams from the crowd. 

Anyone who had been to a show of theirs probably knew what was coming, since Jack liked to point it out every single time they played - but tonight, Theo found herself wishing he hadn’t revealed that detail… After all, she had a bunch of superheroes watching who would definitely ask questions about that endeavor, and she wasn’t overly excited about any unnecessary interaction.

“Yeah, yeah… okay, let’s get this over with.” Theo forced herself to laugh, but shook her head. “This is Everything has Changed.”

Of the songs she helped record, Everything has Changed was one of her favorites; she always thought her sister would have loved the song. It was light and sweet and romantic, and Rae was always a romantic at heart.  

God, what she’d give to see her sister again.

“All I knew this morning when I woke / is I know something now / know something now I didn’t before / and all I’ve seen since eighteen hours ago / is green eyes and freckles and your smile / in the back of my mind making me feel like / I just wanna know you better…” 

From the back of the crowd, a pair of green eyes caught hers, and she couldn’t help but smile.

If there was anyone she wanted to know better, it was the intrepid Asgardian sorcerer who had long shed the reputation of wanting to conquer Earth and replaced it with equal parts charm, mystery, and wit sharper than the daggers he fought with. The sole interaction she’d had with him only increased her curiosity: Loki was one of the few, if not the only Avenger who didn’t express reservations about her before they were aware she was in the briefing, and he seemed almost amused at the way she pulled the wool over the others’ eyes.

If the way he studied her, obscured in shadows from the back of the crowd, was any indication, maybe he wanted to know her better too.

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?  Washed my hands of that for this?  I miss my mom and dad for this? No, when I see stars, when I see –  When I see stars, that's all they are When I hear songs,  They sound like a swan - so come on…

Midgardian sports were utterly dull.

Loki would never interact with such activities if he had the choice. Midgardian sports were slow, overwhelmingly attended by drunken old men who could be outsmarted by a child, and required little skill to compete. The fact that the activity brought pleasure to anyone was confounding; what was even more confounding was that Theo willingly participated in such activities - as it turned out, she played the sport which Midgardians could not even agree on a name for: soccer, also known as football in locations which actually applied logic to the naming of their athletic endeavors.

Of course, the moment Maximoff discovered this morsel of information about the newest recruit, she insisted that the Avengers attend Theo’s next match and cheer her on.

…Which meant that when she and Thor badgered Loki into joining, Loki spent the entire journey to the event pondering ways he might slip away without anyone being the wiser. Yet, the blinding grin and exuberant babbling of his brother as they arrived at the match diminished Loki’s resolve. Clearly the older Odinson was thrilled that the younger brother ventured out to attend, and he did not have the heart to ruin that enthusiasm. Maximoff, meanwhile, was absolutely buzzing over the opportunity to hopefully bond with Theo, chattering constantly about how nice it was going to be to have another female around the tower and all the things they would do together.

Even with hats and sunglasses to obscure the more defining features of their appearances, having their visages plastered on televisions and across the internet meant it was nearly impossible to go anywhere without recognition. Sure enough, they barely found a place in the stands for the group to sit when the hushed comments and glances started. Less than thrilled about the eyes on him, Loki kept his attention fixed on the field and remained quiet in hopes of not drawing any additional attention.

In theory, the Midgardians had moved on from New York. Thor insisted on sharing what actually caused the invasion as a way to prove Loki was not a threat, even though it left Loki feeling rather embarrassed that his weakness was put on display. The Midgardians, it seemed, were more forgiving than Loki anticipated. He was not ridiculed for being so feeble-minded that someone could control him. Even so, he would be foolish to believe they had entirely forgotten about what took place or what Loki was capable of. Whether or not they would admit it, they likely still regarded him as a threat.

He tried to shake the thought by focusing on the scene in front of him.

Down on the field, the two teams were preparing for the match. Spotting the reason for their attendance was easy - between the silver braid swishing as she dove in front of a net and the different color uniform from everyone around her, she stood out like a sore thumb. Even with the padded jersey, shin guards, and protective gloves to add bulk, it was clear her height was disproportionate to her frame. 

“Starting goalie for Duke all four years, captain her senior year.” Romanoff leaned into the group as she shared the information. “Multiple offers to go pro, but she turned them down to go to med school.”

“Is Duke good?” Maximoff asked.

“Consistently one of the top ranked college women’s soccer programs.” Parker answered, “one of MJ’s friends was scouted to play there.”

“What’s the band on her arm?”

“Captain band,” Romanoff replied, “means she’s leading the group when on the field.”

As the team wrapped up a drill, one of the other players approached Theo. After listening to whatever the other player had to say, Theo glanced over at the stands. The moment she noticed the Avengers was obvious by the scowl and the dramatic eye-roll that crossed her face. 

“Brother,” Thor nudged Loki with his elbow, “I’ve never seen a Midgardian who could scowl quite like you, but it seems you may have competition.” 

Loki turned to find Thor smirking at him, to which he responded by arching an eyebrow at him.

Fortunately, Thor was unable to find any additional opportunities to drag Loki into the mix of conversation, as shortly thereafter the players were brought on the field and the match began.

Though the Avengers were attending a soccer match, Loki found himself less focused on the sport and more interested in using the event as a character study. 

If the team was an army, Theo was its commander. She constantly called out instructions and warnings, all the while strategizing and directing her team members as though they were her troops. This was a drastic departure from the almost chaotic, mischievous woman that crashed the team’s briefing. If this was what she was like when placed in a high-pressure situation, perhaps Fury was wise to seek out her involvement. 

It was fascinating to watch her work. Loki found himself ignoring the action at the opposite end of the field in favor of trying to detect what Theo saw that influenced her commands. She moved with laser-sharp precision to prevent any scoring opportunities, all the while continuing her command of the troops.

Perhaps there was more to this particular sport than Loki realized, as it wasn’t long before he found himself actually enjoying the spectacle. It certainly helped that the other team provided a formidable challenge, with neither team scoring during the match or in overtime. 

Somehow, that was not the end. Apparently, the final tie-breaker was a “penalty kick shootout.” While the teams prepared themselves for the challenge, Shuri explained the process to those who were unfamiliar (which included Loki, though he would not admit it).

Each team alternated attempts at scoring. Theo’s team scored on their first shot. The opposing team aimed for the lower left corner, but Theo was too fast - she dove to the ground with arms outstretched, catching the ball before it could enter the net. The second penalty kick from Theo’s team was also a success, this time directed to the opposite side of the net.

When the opposing team took their second shot, Loki studied Theo as she prepared to defend against the other team. She crouched low, hands up and ready to catch the ball at a moment’s notice. Her attention was not on the ball, but just beyond; when the other player approached the ball, she watched their body for clues about where they aimed. 

Top right corner was the target, but they overshot and the ball went out of bounds.

“So if Theo’s team scores and the other team misses one more time, Theo’s team wins.” Shuri whispered as if she had a particularly exciting and scandalous rumor to share, though nothing about what she divulged was private information and it was far from salacious.

The swish of the soccer ball hitting the back of the net confirmed a third goal for Theo’s team.

“No pressure on Theo,” Barnes remarked, “She’s about to decide the championship.”

Right - Maximoff had mentioned something about a league championship among the five hundred other remarks about the Silver Shadow, but Loki hadn’t really been listening.

According to Parker, it was an incredible kick. The ball curved as it flew through the air, heading for the top left corner of the net. The spiderling claimed it was a shot that most professional goalies wouldn’t have been able to stop. There was no way Theo could stop it.

A flash of neon purple careened towards the top left corner, getting enough air to punch the ball out of the way before diving to the ground. 

Not even a moment after she stopped the shot, raucous cheering erupted from the stands. Maximoff and Shuri squealed, jumping up and down. Parker, Barnes, Belova, Wilson, and Thor openly wore their surprise on their faces, arms spread wide as they whooped and hollered. Romanoff and Rogers were not as open in their surprise, but they still leapt to their feet with excitement; then again, even Loki was on his feet cheering. 

Pushing herself up to her knees, Theo whipped around, confusion rampant across her face as she checked whether the ball made it into the net. When no ball was found, she turned back to the field, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as she located the ball’s final resting place - about a quarter of the way down the field, next to the sideline.

Theo sprung to her feet, joining in on the celebration as she realized that she had, in fact, stopped the shot. Her teammates surrounded her, everyone cheering as they jumped on top of each other and embraced. 

Once the adrenaline of the match wore off, Loki grew anxious to return to the tower. The others, however, insisted on staying long enough to congratulate Theo, as they felt it would help her feel more welcome. 

Theo, however, seemed perfectly content to avoid the Avengers. Not far from where they sat was another group who she must have recognized, because she ran over to them and greeted them with hugs, conversing with them for far too long to be considered idle chatter. Most of her posse seemed to be close to her age, though one small child and one petite, elderly woman were among the group. It was the elderly woman who pointed towards the Avengers and made some remark; they were just far enough away that Loki did not hear what she said, though the smirk that accompanied it set him on edge.

When the others departed and no one else served to distract her, Theo finally approached the Avengers. The excitement from speaking to the other group had been replaced with open apprehension as she drew near, perhaps feeling as uncertain about the interaction as Loki felt about the Avengers’ presence.

“Um… hey,” Theo chewed the inside of her cheek as she offered a half-wave to the group.

“Hey Theo - Congratulations!” Maximoff beamed, “You were great out there!” 

“Thanks. I didn’t realize you were coming to the game…” Theo’s gaze flitted around the group. “You know I start on Monday, right?“

“Yeah, but we thought it would be nice to come cheer you on,” Romanoff said, “Though your reaction when you first spotted us was something else…”

“My what?” Theo furrowed her brow, glancing around the group.

“The eye roll and scowl that rivaled Loki’s…” Thor said, arching an eyebrow at Theo, who appeared utterly baffled, only for realization to dawn on her face moments later. 

“Oh - shit, that wasn’t you,” Theo let out a quick, nervous laugh, shaking her head. “Allie, one of my teammates - her ex-boyfriend was here and she saw him. He’s been trying to get back together with her, but she can do way better. That had nothing to do with you.”

When she was met with a collective look of suspicion, she laughed a second time, a lilting sound that floated through the air. “You really think I’m going to lie with the God of Lies right here?”

Though he hid it well, the moniker made Loki cringe; it was one of many that reminded the world of his past, insidious and ever-looming over him like a storm cloud. 

Everyone stared at Loki, waiting for his assessment.

“I do not believe she is lying,” he concluded, “though I must agree that it was quite a dramatic response. I almost wish to meet whoever the expression was directed towards, as they must have truly annoyed you to garner such a reaction.”

At that, Theo snorted. “No, no you don’t want to meet him. He’s a waste of space.” She paused, shifting the duffel bag she carried around to her opposite side. “Well… thanks for coming. I’ll see you Monday? Unless you just randomly show up at something else… But I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything else you can crash, unless you showed up at my job… Which I wouldn’t recommend, because that usually involves someone getting hurt.”

“We are pretty good at that,” Wilson replied, winking at her. “But we’ll hold off for now.”

She laughed, bidding them good night before disappearing into the dark.

For someone who had no desire to become an Avenger, she seemed rather amiable. Perhaps that was her nature, or maybe there was something else at play.

The question of what that might be plagued Loki the entire way home.

Well, that is it, guys, that is all  Five minutes in, and I'm bored again Ten years of this, I'm not sure  If anybody understands This one is not for the folks at home, Sorry to leave, Mom, I had to go Who the fuck wants to die alone  All dried up in the desert sun?

The night of the newest Avenger’s introduction to the public, the whole team assembled for Stark’s party. 

At this point, it was practically a routine. New members would be announced, the whole team would woo the press so they would get ideal coverage, and then they’d settle into training the new members and sending them out on missions.

These parties were nothing difficult. Centuries of being a prince on Asgard equipped Loki with the decorum and etiquette to charm his way through formal social gatherings. Unlike Thor, who won his acclaim through battle, Loki did not have the helm of a warrior to win him praise; instead, he earned recognition through skilled diplomacy and knowing how to work a room. It was nowhere near his favorite way to spend an evening, but there were worse ways to pass the time.

Besides, his ability to navigate these events was a significant reason his reputation had improved among the Midgardians. After saying the right things and charming the right people, New York seemed to be a distant memory for them. In some ways, Loki envied their ability to forget the incident so easily. 

The circumstances around the event still haunted him, though he’d never outright admit it. 

Nevertheless, once he made his rounds and played the part of charming Asgardian Prince for the press, Loki preferred to situate himself near the bar. It offered an easy view of the room, provided easy access to beverages, and kept him far enough from the dancing that when Maximoff and Barnes inevitably had too much to drink and wanted him to join them on the dance floor, he could easily evade them. Midgardian liquor didn’t do much to intoxicate Loki, but he found that he did have a taste for cocktails he could sip throughout the evening. The other bonus of having a beverage in hand was that it made him appear more approachable. 

Given his history, anything that made him look less threatening was a benefit.

Theo was easy to spot, silver hair tumbling down her back in loose curls. She wore a black jumpsuit with no back and a long keyhole across the front that highlighted her chest. It was a smart choice - she knew she would be on display and dressed to kill. The jumpsuit balanced power with just enough skin to provide sex appeal, yet provided enough coverage that no one would clutch their pearls at the sight of her. 

From his preferred spot near the bar, Loki observed Theo’s interactions with the important guests of the party. She stuck close to Stark’s side, smiling and nodding as they went from guest to guest. She carried herself with grace; shoulders back and chest out as though she were a dancer, gracefully flowing from group to group throughout the evening. However, it seemed as if she hardly spoke a word. Stark looked perfectly at home with a beautiful woman on each side - opposite Theo, Potts seemed like a natural as she caught up with party guests, laughing and chatting without reservation.

Occasionally, Theo would scan the room and lock eyes with Loki - when they did, Loki would smirk and raise an eyebrow at her, while Theo would widen her eyes in what appeared to be a silent plea for saving her from the small talk. 

“So, what do you think of the new girl?”

Loki turned to find Romanoff next to him, leaning up against the bar as she stole a sip from his drink. 

“That was mine.” Loki commented, ignoring her initial statement. A perfect red lipstick print now adorned his glass.

The Black Widow pursed her lips for a moment, glancing up as she seemed to swirl the beverage in her mouth. “An old fashioned - did you order it because you’re old?” Belova teased, appearing next to the Black Widow, who pushed his drink back to him. 

Loki rolled his eyes, though a begrudging smile flickered across his lips.

“What do you think of her?” Romanoff’s gaze returned to the party, taking in the scene. Potts had stepped away, leaving Stark and Theo to continue their tour of guests. 

“She seems… tolerable.” Loki remarked with a small shrug.

“High praise from you,” Romanoff said, still watching the Silver Shadow. 

“I heard she’s already giving Stark a hard time.” Belova leaned in, smirking as she glanced between her peers.

“Stark would certainly benefit from developing a bit of humility,” Loki mused, avoiding the lipstick mark as he took a drink.

Romanoff snickered, while Belova let out a snort of laughter.

“She made you laugh.” Romanoff casually mentioned, studying Loki for a reaction.

Loki simply cocked an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to state whatever her point was.

“She made you laugh, you say she’s tolerable, and you’re over here watching her instead of making your usual rounds. I’d say you’re interested in her,” Romanoff concluded with a smirk.

“Are you not curious about her?” Loki inquired.

“Oh, I’m curious - ” Romanoff snickered, “I’m curious about how someone managed to attract your attention so quickly. Normally you take a while to warm up to people.”

“You’ve not spoken to her yet?” It was a surprising piece of information: Romanoff normally made a point to meet new team members right away.

“No, I haven’t had a chance to.” Romanoff shrugged. “But based on your response to her, I’m clearing time on my calendar and making a point to talk to her.”

“I would have guessed based on her attire that you helped her select her outfit.” Loki contemplated. “It looks very… Romanoff-esque.”

“No - I asked Wanda and she didn’t help either. That was all the new girl. Which reminds me, I want to ask her where she got that jumpsuit. It’s cute.”  Romanoff commented, tapping her chin.

Stark stepped away as Theo engaged in a conversation with a pair of journalists. Despite her polite smiles and nods, it only took a moment for her eyes to start roving the crowd as she chatted, subtly searching around for an out. 

“You gonna go rescue Rapunzel?” Belova teased, noticing the way Theo’s eyes landed on Loki. 

“I thought the Widows were desperate for an opportunity to talk to her.” Loki said, turning around to flag the bartender for a refill.

“Nah, go rescue the princess. After all, you’re a prince.” Romanoff pushed off from the bar, standing up. “If you bring her a drink, I’m sure she’d love it.”

“You say that like I’ve never spoken to a woman before.”

“You’ve picked up plenty of women, and men,” Romanoff clarified, “but given you’ll actually need to talk to her and not just seduce her, I figured you could use a tip or two.” She winked, sauntering into the crowd with sister in tow before Loki could reply.

Damn those women.

As the bartender approached, Loki hesitated - what would she even want to drink? Normally he’d consider wine or champagne, but she didn’t seem like she’d want any of the standard options. 

They had similar styles and personalities; perhaps it was a safe choice to order the same drink as he enjoyed for the evening. 

With the extra beverage in hand, he made his way across the room to Theo.

“… I’m very grateful for the opportunity and the kindness the team has already shown me-” Theo politely answered one of the journalists as Loki arrived. “- Oh! Hey Loki.” She perked up, offering him a warm smile and a slight nod, which he returned. 

Loki turned to the journalists and greeted them, flashing his most charming smile and honeyed pleasantries. They blushed, having warmed up to him over the course of his tenure as an Avenger. As much as he didn’t enjoy the show, he was a stunning performer.

Returning his attention to the newest Avenger, he offered the second beverage to Theo. “With all the speaking you’ve had to engage in this evening, I thought you might appreciate something to drink.”

A grateful smile crossed her face as she accepted the drink. She gave it a sniff and a sip, her smile expanding to a grin as she realized what was in the glass. “Old-Fashioned?”

Loki nodded, impressed that she knew what it was. “Given we seem to have similar taste in apparel, I thought we might also have a similar taste in beverages.”

Theo chuckled, taking another sip. “You’re not wrong.”

Confusion regarding the comment was obvious, based on the narrowed eyes and arched brows that both journalists wore. They glanced between the two Avengers, as if waiting for elaboration.

“When I first met Loki, we unintentionally wore matching outfits,” Theo quickly explained, “right down to the identical shoes.”

“Well, it seems you managed to figure out your outfits so you wouldn’t have the same issue tonight!” One of the journalists replied, eliciting a small, forced smile from Theo. While Loki didn’t find the comment amusing, he also forced a smile to play along.

“Theo, there is someone I would like you to meet.” Loki spoke up, sending a quick wink to the newest Avenger. Turning back to the journalists, he flashed his most dazzling smile. “Would it be alright if I borrowed the guest of honor for a little while? I promise to return her.”

“Of course!” The journalists grinned, falling for the silver tongue’s charm. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Amaris. We look forward to seeing what you accomplish!”

“Thank you, pleasure to meet you as well.” Theo bowed her head with another small smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. The forced smile could have been deemed her trademark expression of the evening. Perhaps she was not keen to be trapped in a room full of strangers.

Loki took her free hand and began to weave through the crowd. Glancing to the side, he slipped through a doorway and down a hall before ducking through another door to a private balcony, pulling Theo behind him the entire time. 

When they arrived, Theo glanced around at the empty balcony and back at Loki, raising an eyebrow in silent question.

“You appeared as though you wanted a reprieve from idle chatter,” Loki explained, dropping her hand. “This is where I escape to when I’ve had more than my fill of Stark’s parties.”

“Ooh, a secret hiding spot!” A grin curled over Theo’s lips, and for the first time all night he saw her eyes light up. “Thanks for the out - this shit was exactly the opposite of how I want to spend my time.”

“Would it surprise you to learn that most of us would rather spend our time anywhere but these insipid gatherings?” Loki said, turning to look out across the city. “I suspect Stark and my oaf of a brother are the only two who truly enjoy these… Events.”

“So why do you do it, then?” The question was asked earnestly, if her expression was anything to go by. “Can’t you just say no?”

“I suppose it would depend…” Loki paused to sip his beverage. “I have sat out my fair share of these gatherings, though they have also been… Beneficial… For my reputation. Generally speaking, I attend these functions so I minimize the incessant blundering and badgering Thor inevitably would subject me to should I refuse.”

“Didn’t peg you as someone who could be bossed around by your brother.” 

There was a hint of teasing in Theo’s comment, but Loki still bristled at her words. “My brother hardly bosses me around, mortal. I simply understand that tolerating these functions serves me well, even if they are not the manner in which I care to pass time.”

Theo snickered, but let the subject fall to the side in favor of amiable silence.

“I’ve been curious to ask - how was it that you came into your magic?”

Crossing her arms, Theo leaned against the balcony rail. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve all the time in the world.” Loki mirrored her posture, catching her eyes with a sly smile. “I am certainly curious.”

“It involves another realm and a case of mistaken identity.” Theo answered, perhaps a bit too quickly. “You can use your imagination.”

“What realm?” Loki pressed, finding himself rather amused by the way Theo seemed to dodge each of his questions. “It is difficult to imagine unless I have a sense of where it takes place.”

A sigh and rolled eyes were Theo’s initial response. “On a scale from one to ten of topics I’d like to discuss, I’d rather deepthroat a chainsaw than talk about where I came from.” The sarcasm in her comment was amusing, yet it was obvious the subject was uncomfortable.

Loki, sensing that it wouldn’t be a good idea to push the topic, turned to look out across the skyline. “So… not a pleasant location. Duly noted.”

“It’s a story for another time.” Theo flashed a surprisingly haunted, yet grateful smile. She turned back to gaze at the city, keeping her eyes on the skyline in the distance as she continued. “So, Loki, prince of Asgard, god of mischief and trickery… Give me the scoop. Is Sleipnir real?”

Loki nearly fell over laughing from the surprise change of subjects. Of all the questions he’d been asked, Sleipnir was typically a subject most were too afraid to ask of, much less within an initial conversation.

She certainly seemed fearless.

When he finally regained his composure, he turned to find Theo beaming with a quiet pride. 

“Hardly - It was a tale spread for a bet that perhaps was too tantalizing for Midgardians, as they’ve clearly not forgotten it.” A grin curled across his lips, letting a chuckle escape. “However, there are other tales. As a child, I knew just enough to be dangerous…” Loki started, launching into a series of tales from his youth of the tricks he pulled on his brother and the trouble he caused. A sparkle came to his eye as he began to weave imagery of a tiny, doe-eyed and raven-haired Loki causing all kinds of chaos in Asgard. 

He only paused when the pair both laughed so hard that they had to stop and gather themselves, both wiping tears from their eyes.

My heart is breaking for my sister And the con that she called "love" But then I look into my nephew's eyes Man, you wouldn't believe The most amazing things That can come from Some terrible nights

Letting someone else talk was a desperately needed reprieve.

It wasn’t that Theo was out of her element; on the contrary, she was more than comfortable with rubbing elbows with the high and mighty. She’d done this hundreds, no, thousands of times before. Granted, it was a long time ago and in an entirely different place, when everything she understood about the world was almost opposite to how it stood now; regardless, she wasn’t out of practice.

Still, she hadn’t anticipated that her first day as a member of the Avengers would play out quite the way it did. Tony Stark’s ego wasn’t a surprise - he had a head so big it could be seen from another solar system. He was, at least, nice enough to take her around and introduce her to people instead of throwing her straight to the wolves. A Norse god with the personality of a golden retriever talking her ear off as he gave her a tour of the building she’d be living and working in? That was a bit of a surprise. She thought Thor would be more hot-headed and less… cheerful. The eyes of the other Avengers constantly watching her was to be expected - after all, she knew the reputation that preceded her. 

But now, she stood on the balcony of a skyscraper taking in the New York skyline. A different Norse god stood next to her, spinning tales that would sound stranger than fiction if it weren’t for what she’d already seen and what she’d already lived through. 

Loki was harder to read. In the briefing, he seemed amused by Theo. When he was among the group who crashed her show, he regarded her with a certain sharpness that seemed wary, yet intrigued. At her soccer game it seemed like he regarded her with skepticism, not to mention that he looked less than thrilled to be there. 

When Thor barged into the room where Loki was reading on Theo’s tour, she thought Loki was going to stab him until he realized she was present… Perhaps he wasn’t always as charming and witty as she expected. Theo struggled to believe that Loki, the prickly, aloof god, was actually related to Thor, the literal sunshine puppy god, much less that they were brothers. 

Then again, maybe Loki wasn’t so angsty after all. After all, the god of brooding was next to her, a twinkle in his eyes and a grin dangling from his lips as he regaled her with tales of mischief and tomfoolery. Even if some of the tales seemed a bit far-fetched to her, the laughter they coaxed from her was something almost unfamiliar; it had been years since she laughed that hard.

“You know, I have to confess: Thor may be onto something.” Theo had barely gotten her laughter under control before she spoke up.

“Is that so?” Loki’s face sobered as he studied her, waiting for what she would say next.

Theo glanced over at Loki, giving him a nod. “Thor wouldn’t stop extolling your virtues throughout my whole tour. He insisted I get to know you. Any idea why?”

Loki snorted, imagining the thought of Thor harassing their newest team member. “You exaggerate, I’m sure. Still, he can be… overzealous at times.”

“He seemed to think we’d be great friends.” 

Loki’s skepticism was on full display as he studied her, trying to see if she was lying.

“Well, you’re out here with me after rescuing me from small-talk hell, you brought me one of my favorite drinks based on a gut instinct, clearly we have a similar style, and we both wield magic…” Theo pointed out, holding up her drink as if to make a point. “So maybe it’s not as overzealous as you think.” 

“Touché,” Loki agreed, though it was strangely reluctant. “I… used to ruffle people’s feathers.” His voice got quieter and lost some of its bravado. “Thor worried I would never find friends due to past transgressions, or grow accustomed to life on Midgard. While that may no longer be the case, I suspect he still worries; it is likely why he still drags me out with him.” 

Of the answers Theo was expecting, that… wasn’t it. Maybe some clever quip about Thor wanting to set his brother up with someone so he’d stop giving Thor shit about dating a mortal, or something funny. This seemed… almost a little too personal.

Time for a change in subject.

“Tell me another story - What was the best prank you’ve played on Tony Stark?”

That was all it took for Loki to perk up and launch into another elaborate story that led to side-splitting laughter.

Perhaps the golden retriever god was onto something - maybe they would be good friends.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

The other night, you wouldn't believe The dream I just had about you and me I'd called you up, but we both agreed It's for the best you didn't listen It's for the best we keep our distance, oh For the best, you didn't listen It's for the best we keep our distance, oh

#loki #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #marvel loki #mcu loki #loki angst #loki fluff #loki smut #(eventually) #loki x oc #loki x ofc #when everything's made to be broken #WEMTBB

[m-jelly]

28+ old hag here! With stupid wifi lol

I love you Jelly!

I feel like I've been a bit absent because this time of year and New Years stresses me out because of the fireworks and I'm very distracted and not myself.

I've been watching Disney and Pixar, right now it's The Incredibles. I put my earplugs in and blast it through the headphones to block out noise the best I can. Tonight should be the worse. I hope they cease it for good within a day or two.

Anyway, I'm excited for your birthday event, I should be writing again by then! (I can't write properly and I stress eat because of this too 😫)

Okay I'm done complaining to you, have a wonderful evening and Tuesday!!

Eliza! Hello, my fellow 28+ old hag ehehe

Love you too! <3

I don't like fireworks too much either. I get sensory overload, I know some people here get it too. Thankfully in the UK we have double glazing windows, so it does muffle the sound a little when there are fireworks. The two days we get them are 5th November and new years. Still, they're horrible and my heart goes out to you. It stresses me to no end and my ears cannot cope either.

I love Pixar, it's such a comfort place to go to. Disney is too. You just feel happy watching the adventures and get absorbed into the stories. It's beautiful.

YES! I'm excited too! I can't wait to write stories with people. It's like a choose your own path situation. I used to read those books where at the end of a line it'd say you either do this or this? And you select which one and go to the page it's on. Those books were so cool! The one I had I loved was you were in this creepy maze that reminded me of the movie Labyrinth.

You have a wonderful time too! I will be dropping some Levi or Jean fluff in your inbox soon <3

[raggedy-spaceman]

Too much is happening all at once

#disney investor day #loki #ironheart #the falcon and the winter soldier #wanda vision #marvel #fantastic four #black panther 2 #ms marvel #there is so much going on i don't even know what to tag #and i thought i didn't care about marvel after endgame #what a naive idiot #this reminds me so much of the incredible november 5th i had to do a meme #i was literally going to bed help #mine

[ladyadalicialove]

when was adrien agrestes birthday???

Haha I did do an Adrien’s birthday theory just never posted it!

I did write in may of 2019 though so whether or not it’s still accurate who knows, I did update some of it since Marinette is confirmed to be born in the year of the snake and a Leo (like me!) and I don’t think much has been released on his birthday unlike Marinette but this was the best I got so here you go:

In the episode "Bubbler" Adrien turns 14.

We know that "Bubbler" is set before "Dark Cupid", as Alya references the bubbler incident in the episode. which occurs on the 14 February.

Which according to out timelines, "Bubbler" is in the same year as "Timebreaker". And from my previous theory, we know that Timebreaker is set in 2018. Therefore Adrien is born in 2004, meaning Marinette is older than him.

Also "Bubbler" occurs after the Origins episode which showed Bustier's class beginning the new school year, which would have begun on the 30th of August, the start of the school year in France in 2017.

Meaning that Anywhere between the 30th August and the 14th of February is where his birthday is.

I think we can use zodiac signs to determine where Adrien will lie. And yes there are six possible signs for him.

He could be:

Virgo ~ August 23 - September 22

Libra ~ September 23 - October 22

Scorpio ~ October 23 - November 21

Sagittarius ~ November 22 - December 21

Capricorn ~ December 22 - January 19

Aquarius ~ January 20 - February 18

Now I’m going to look up each sign and how they act when in love and some basic personality traits.

According to the wiki these are Adrien's personality traits: charismatic, naive, obedient, somewhat insecure, empathetic, supportive. He has shown as Chat Noir being love with Ladybug that; he is deeply loyal to her, protective, and he has never lied to her.

This is what I’m going to use as a basic connection to a zodiac signs. These are my research results:

Virgo - I would say a big no. Virgo are very intune with themselves and are incredibly fussy people. But Virgos come off as cold and will not be open about themselves. This does not describes Adrien at all.

Libra - I think he might be a Libra. As Libra’s are about having balance in their life and have a hard time connecting to others at times. But also they are hopeless romantics and will put their partners on pedestals. Adrien has some balance with his two personas, being able to be free as one and isolated as the other. What sells this sign to me is that "Libra men have a habit of stringing several (or more) people along at once – often without even realizing what they are doing." AND HOW MANY GIRLS LIKE HIM? Too many!! Like guys a Libra man in love is 100% him.

Scorpio - Literally this sign guys are describe as bad boys who like to be loners. They have serious intense personalities. And just nope not our sweet cinnamon child.

Sagittarius - At first I thought it was possible but then I was oh god this is Adrien and let me show you why. "This guy may spend years obsessing about the perfection of the one who got away, while completely ignoring the devoted affections of the one who’s been right here all along." Remind y’all of anyone?!

Capricorn - yeah he isn’t a Capricorn. These men are very mysterious, and build icy walls around their inner selves. Also they are describe as Workaholics. Adrien while he can’t express himself very well is very sensitive and we see that, and sunshine child does not like working.

Aquairus - so this sign is literally that these men are bachelors for like all their lives and extremely funny which isn’t Adrien at all.

So the two signs that I concluded are candidates for him are Libra and Sagittarius.

Now out of two, I believe Libra is the most accurate. I’ve seen some people state he is a Virgo born in September but they never state their sources or reasons besides that he is born in fall so I’ve got nothing.

So Adrien if he is a Libra, this means his birthday is between September 23 - October 22. And in "Bubbler" Marientte says "Mom it’s Friday" in the first five minutes.

And we know it takes place in 2018 so we can knock off a lot!!!

We have narrowed it down to four dates!!!

28th of September

5th of October

12th of October

19th of October

I had to do a lot more research to narrow down these dates. One key thing was that in the Webisode "Marinette and Adrien", Marinette states that Adrien's birthday will be soon. Suggesting that this webisode takes place just before "The Bubbler". Which this episode aired on October 5th 2016 in France, so it’s safe bet that the 28th of September and 5th of October are out.

That leaves the 12th and 19th of October! And this is a bit of a stretch but I think it is the 19th. Why do I believe this?

The show aired on the 19th of October for the first time in France. Meaning that this day has a lot of significance for Astruc and would be make sense to have that as Adrien's birthday.

Therefore I conclude that Adrien's Birthday is the 19th of October, and he was born in 2004.

ATTENTION: Since Marinette’s birthday has been confirmed as being in the year of the snake and that she is a Leo, this may adjust the years differently but I am of the belief that the date is correct. This is just a THEORY please do not take my word as fact. I wrote this in 2019 with a couple of tweaks in 2021 so this could be wrong and that’s okay!!

#miraculousladybug #miraculous ladybug #mlb #marinette dupain cheng #marinette #adrienagreste #adrien agreste #ml adrien #miraculous theory #miraculous ladybug theory #adrienagrestebirthday

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi Remus, tis me! I bring offerings of pronoun pins! I also bring message! From Remy! They really like your costume (they thought you were handsome but you didn't hear that from me), they're sure something is going on this month so could you please remind them? They are,,sick. Very very sick and injured, them and virgil,,argued. Thats all I'm allowed to say, I can respect their boundaries. They would message you but they're scared of virgil. 🐌🕸 -1/2

"HI!!" Remus greeted.

He was sitting on a bench in the park near the therapy clinic, with Janus by his side. They'd gone and gotten frozen yoghurt.

Two pronoun pins landed neatly in his hands. He shone up into a bright smile and turned to his crush "YEs!! Pins!! Great weapons!! I can stab someone's eyes out with these things! Can you help me put it on?"

Janus seemed a bit surprise "Ssssure"

Remus handed the pin with He/him on it and pointed to where on his jacket he wanted it. Janus made sure to only touch the fabric as they put it on.

"Good?"

"Great!"

His crush did the same. They took the pin with He/they written on it and pointed to their shirt. Remus fiddled a bit with it before getting it on. Both of them happy flapped at each other.

The flapping turned Much more intense when you said they had gotten a message from Remy. Janus' eyes went huge as he looked at you. He was too happy to even think that maybe the message wouldn't be positive.

"Aww thanks!!" Remus exclaimed when he heard that they'd liked his costume.

When you said they had thought he looked handsome he however turned red. His eyes widened and he stared down into the ground. The blushing reached his ears. Janus smiled.

"Darling I thought you were unfazed by most compliments"

"I just....Handsome.....It makes my organs melt into bubbling soup" Remus mumbled back, there was a slight giggle in his voice.

"How cute" Janus leaned closer and got a smug look "Oh aren't you just so handsome. Tall muscular incredibly murderous and handsome Remus" He teased.

The duke sputtered out some inaudible sounds and tried to hide behind his bangs.

"The most handsome man ever. Breaking the boundaries of handsomeness" They continued.

Remus did a feeble attempt at smacking them "i'm gonna pinch your eyes out"

"Sure you will. With your handsome lil fingers"

"You're an evil thing Jannie!! Evil!!! A single sight of weakness turns you evil!!"

"Oh yes I am a monster actually. I believe there is more of the message if you feel like de-reddening"

Remus stayed just as blushy as the message continued. His eyes glimmered a bit as he heard that Remy was wondering if something was happening. He leant his cheeks against his palms.

"i only mentioned being excited about wearing my kippah once, i didn't think they would remember it" He mumbled to himself.

"Oh gosh is there anything happening??" Janus immediately opened the calendar on his phone like an old lady.

"Dude, Hanukkah"

"That's in november? Since when?"

"This year it is" Remus rocked back and forth out of excitement "Me and Ro were planning on inviting some friends over on the eight night which should be....the 5th december...?...yeah. OH!!! I'Ve forgotten to invite you!! Do you wanna come?? We'll make food and party and uhh I think Ro has a karaoke machine"

The happy flaps returned as Janus nodded "I'll gladly come"

"Great!! Ehm this..I've been kinda looking forward to this ehh because uhm we mostly celebrated dad’s holidays as kids- he’s uhm catholic- and mom was always too nice to admit she wanted to make a big deal out of her holidays as well- and then when we cut contact with both mom and dad Ro was busy with acting and I was busy with uhm other stuff so we never really celebrated together so uhm this year will be like our first real big Hanukkah together y'know. And uhm with friends! OH! Ro also wants Patty to come. Can you ask her??"

"Of course. I shall do my best to make it the best Hanukkah possible! I shall ward of any evil! Including the evil inside myself!" Janus proclaimed to be extra.

"Yeah!!"

Obviously the message wasn't over at that. When you continued, about how Remy was sick, Remus got a worried look on his face. He fiddled with his hands while looking at you. Janus got a more doubtful look while crossing his arms.

"why would they be injured" He mumbled.

"'Cause of the fibro obviously!!" Remus replied. "I hope they feel better soon!! I swear I will become a healing wizard if they don't feel better soon!!"

"That doesn't make them injured. I think....that doesn't give them a reason to be scared of Virgil either...unless the argument..."

He stopped himself. He didn't have to make Remus distressed. He gave you a small nod before turning back to his crush.

"So uhm is there any sort of dress code I need to know about?" They asked half jokingly.

"Naah" Remus' eyes went back to glimmering with happiness as he explained the plans he'd and Rowan had made.

#🐌🕸 #ask #dukeceit #sanders sides

[natromanxoff]

I am sure many of you have already read this one but here are some parts from Ash Alexander’s Queen journey for those who haven’t!

“...At some point in early At some point in early 1983 on a visit to Jacky at the QFC, John Deacon wondered into the office. He came into the basement office and said hello as Jacky introduced me, sat down and spent a little time reading through press clippings. He could easily have slipped away back upstairs, but the fact that he stayed was a nice touch.

Another fan club letter arrived with good news. In Another fan club letter arrived with good news. In November 1983, fan club members were invited to help in a video for the new single 'Radio Ga Ga' at Shepperton Studios. Again, my Mum stepped up and drove me down for the day. I took the day off school and had just turned 14. We arrived at the studio and were ushered into a huge hanger where we were kitted out with white body suits and then sprayed with a light grey stripe on each arm - even now I’m not sure what the spray paint was for as you can’t see it in the video. When we had all been prepared, we were taken into an adjoining hanger and were greeted by the band and an initial play through of the song. The rest of the day was spent clapping as you’ll see in the video. I wound up in the front row, opposite Brian. If you look closely and you know what you’re looking for, you can see me!

In between takes, I approached John Deacon who was surprisingly on his own. I remember trying to remain calm as I approached him. I didn’t mention our brief meeting, I asked him how to get a job in recording studios and that I was interested in pursuing a career as a sound engineer. He was really helpful and took time to explain the usual route.

On 22, March 1984 at Limehouse Studios in London’s docklands, the video for ‘I Want To Break Free’ was filmed, again with the help of fan club members. I went along with my brother Andrew. The set was a big dark staircase that we all stood on. We were given black bodysuits this time that were sprouted with hello paint on the arms. We also wore a hard hat with a head lamp attached to it. The band were set in the middle of us all. After all the filming, we returned to the main building where we said hello to Roger. He’d come out to say thanks. Later, waiting for a cab down in reception, Freddie glided down the staircase and past us with his entourage. I remember wanting to get up and say thanks, but the opportunity was missed.

...20th April 1992. My friend Chesney Hawkes was managed by Trinifold. They also managed The Who. He invited me along to the Freddie Mercury Tribute gig at Wembley. Roger Daltry was appearing and Ches had a spare ticket. He only had one backstage pass though. This was overcome by him befriending the chap on the security door. Ches came out to meet me with his pass. He returned on his own and got in. I confidently flashed my pass and entered the Hard Rock tented area. Ches beckoned me over from the other side of the room. He was signing autographs for a lady, her two children and an older lady was with them. He introduce me to them saying I was a huge Queen fan. ‘This is Freddie’s mother' he whispered to me. I remember saying to her that I wish we’d met under different circumstances and how deeply sorry I was about her loss and how incredibly proud she should be. I often wonder about her.

...In Spring 1993, I was in front office. It was well after midnight and I’d left a s session for a little break. As usual, I took a look in the studio diary to see what was coming up. I flicked through the weeks and came upon an booking entry “Studio 3 - QUEEN” for 2 weeks that was pencilled in. There was no further info than that. I put my initials next to the booking thinking there would be a rational explanation as to what the booking really was. I soon found myself on a 2 week session with Queen.My diary from 1993 is lost, so I have only a mental note as to when & what songs were touched upon at this initial stage of 'Made In Heaven'. We started taking delivery of various multitrack tapes on varied formats. These were then transferred to digital 48 track tapes for future work. Roger & John were alone on these sessions as Brian was touring in Japan. I remember Roger being rather dismissive of Brian being unavailable, much like a brother sledging his sibling would do, with a slightly jealous edge but genuine at the same time.

...Over the 2 week session, Roger would suggest we went out for dinner. We had 3 or 4 meals out at a local Italian restaurant. Even now I laugh at jumping into the back of Roger’s Merc and the four of us driving down Abbey Road to the restaurant. It was owned by an Italian lady that would force you to smell her ‘wonderful mushrooms’ from a jar, which she made Roger do. On our initial meal she told Roger he looked familiar. ‘I know you’, she said. ‘Where have I seen you before?’ ‘Well, I’m in a band and we’ve been on TV before.’ Roger replied. John seemed calm with his lack of recognition. ‘What group do you play for?’ she asked. ‘I’m the drummer in a rock n roll band called Queen’ he replied. ‘No - I don’t hear of this band’ …We finished our food and the bill was called for. It showed up. John took it and asked Roger if he should use the Queen card to pay for it or his own card.

Roger’s drum kit arriving half way through the first week of sessions was a surprise for Noel Harris (the engineer) & me. We expected the sessions to be playing back tapes and working through the various formats to find possible material to be worked on at a later date. Noel was unfamiliar with the room in studio 3 and asked my opinion where to set the kit up and what microphones I would use. Eventually he left me to it. The kit was positioned and I mic’d it up that evening. John had his red Fender bass DI’d (no amp was used) and sat with us in the control room. I doubt these recordings made it through to the final mixes, it’s nice to think that they did.

...Tuesday 5th September

During the afternoon Brian’s guitar and a Vox AC30 appeared in the studio, brought in by Pete Malandrone. We were to do guitar overdubs on ‘You Don't Fool Me’. David asked me to put two Shure 421 microphones pointing into the back of the speaker cabinet. We did have two SM57’s on the front but these weren’t used in the recording.

I had to do a recall of the mix, which meant noting all of the studio outboard settings so we could get back to the mix and finish it off.

We had a technical problem with the Sony 3348 tape machine and eventually had it swapped for a new one. Brian clearly wasn’t aware we weren’t ready for him. I was half way through telling him and Jim Beach jumped in and finished off my explanation. Brian got really cross with him and slammed an empty coffee mug down on the studio table. Later Brian was so apologetic for his outburst. He must have told Jim he was sorry 4 times. As I type this I note it was Freddie’s birthday.

Brian slipped on his guitar that was linked to his amp with one lead. No pedals. His sound was instant and we were soon ready to record. He stood in front of the console in the control facing David & me.

Brian had an idea of what he wanted to play. The guitar riff had already been recorded. The solo guitar is what was added. Brian used a scrap of paper that he drew a map of dots on. Not like musical notation but his own short hand. It reminded me of being at the 'Radio Ga Ga' video shoot 13 years earlier. I was the same distance from Brian as I was then, but the scenario was beyond my imagination.

...Friday 8th September

Day Off - I may have met Pete Malandron at the Sun Inn in Barnes this afternoon. The QIFC was based round the corner at the time & Brian had a house there too, although I'm not sure he lived there at the time. I was with a friend and Pete joined us in the pub. He sat near the window and kept looking out of it. I asked what he was looking at and he replied "I always get worried when I'm out with Brian's guitar. It's in the boot of the car you see." He stayed for one drink and decided it was time to leave.

...One of the evenings of this second week, George Michael came to visit. There was a strong possibility that he would sing on one of the songs. Roger, John, Brian, David, George & I sat chatting in the control room. One of the conversations moved onto the Beatles and their current 'best of' release. I think Brian suggested that it was a bad idea releasing all their old material and I piped up that the fans would buy it regardless, much like the scenario Queen were about to face with the imminent release of the album. There was a deathly hush as I realised what I was saying. I wasn’t being at all derogatory. I was helped out of the hole I was digging by George who agreed with me and we moved on. No one actually spoke about doing a vocal. After George left the studio that evening, Roger was clear that he wasn’t keen on the idea.After looking through the Vintage Car garage across the road from the studio one afternoon, Roger saw a black Cadillack convertible that he quite liked. The following morning he came into the studio and said ‘Don’t tell Jim, but I bought the car.’ It was £80, 000.

Brian asked me if had been involved in the Abbey Road Sessions. Perhaps he’d seen my name on the tape boxes. I said that I was. Immediately he made a phone call. I didn’t hear all that he said, but I knew it was about a special thanks on the album credits. The following morning, after the artwork had been finalised, Roger came in and said ‘morning Aardvark’. Because the special thanks were alphabetic, I was on top of the list. It wasn’t until I bought a copy of the album and saw my name on it that I finally took on board that I had actually achieved one of my dreams.”

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #brian may #john deacon

[feyjaeyong]

JAEYONG UPDATE

yes, much has happened to jaeyong in the past couple of months, however, my discord account got disabled AND i therefore lost some important chat history that would help me write about it. it may or may not end up Written on dash, but for the sake of plotting and anyone keeping up with him not being confused as hell, i want to cover what goes on!! under a readmore because as expected it got a little lengthy

as of december 5th @feyhuangjun​ is officially jaeyong’s boyfriend!! good for them

jaeyong took huangjun to the jfg olympics because he’s been training him to be a hunter for the past six months

but not before huangjun’s hunter godfather dropped in to tell huangjun he couldn’t become a hunter

jaeyong didn’t like that much

huangjun went anyway and he did not win; he got put in a chokehold and because huangjun nearly got choked to death on halloween, he panicked and tapped out. the asshole song hunter he was up against humiliated him

jaeyong punched the hunter in the face and generally caused a scene as jaeyong does but it was fine, kinda expected actually

jaeyong’s parents were disappointed, not in huangjun, but in jaeyong for not being a better teacher and not unleashing huangjun’s potential that he spoke so much of

( abuse / torture tw ) jaeyong has been undergoing the typical song family training since losing the head hunt on halloween. typical song family training: nearly drowning, getting buried alive, getting beat to a pulp, getting whipped or put in a scalding hot shower if you scream or cry. he used to go through it with his brother ( @feydaeyong​ ) by his side. their training like this stopped once they came of age but resumed in november. did it get worse after huangjun lost the olympics? undetermined

but they did tie him to a post and lock him in a warehouse in the freezing cold

jaeyong didn’t come home (see: back to huangjun) at night so huangjun got worried, showed up on jaeyong’s doorstep, spoke to his mother and after an ominous conversation got the address for where he was

huangjun had to pick the lock with a hairpin and one of jaeyong’s knives, then cut him out of the ropes

naturally jaeyong had hypothermia (this was early january/late december)

this is how huangjun finally found out about the nature of jaeyong’s training. he told him not to go back to his family and jaeyong didn’t listen

so huangjun insisted on going with him

training started out intense but normal for huangjun, but they were much harder on jaeyong

song family has a strong belief that facing fears and defeating them is incredibly important, and they knew huangjun’s fear was somewhere in the realm of strangulation/suffocation

so eventually they made them do this. tw for like. claustrophobia and suffocation. a classic song family challenge, just watch fear factor videos it’s all shit they would do

jaeyong kept it together through the whole thing (huangjun did not) but promptly burst into tears afterward because huangjun kept yelling for him and it reminded jaeyong 1. of the fact that huangjun was probably doing that when he nearly died on halloween but he was not there to save him 2. his brother yelling for him on the night he was turned into a werewolf #trauma

jaeyong finally told huangjun he would leave his family but that he wanted to do it right, basically. so no running away in the middle of the night, doing it in some way that won’t burn bridges

he may or may not have asked his family to let him move out and live for himself already

when jaeyong gets/got up the nerve to ask, they will give him the opportunity, but only after he passes a Final Test to ensure he’s strong enough to succeed as a hunter without their guidance. i am not quite sure what that test is yet, all i know is that he will surely nearly die, and there is both a physical and psychological part

[suspenseful music]

more to come on the next episode

#─ headcanon

[hoodwinkedtoohoodvsevil]

sappy "i've loved my spesh for a year now" post

[[MORE]]

one year ago today, i got into twrp.

that's not to say i wasnt familiar with them before june 3rd, 2019. my big love was nsp, so i very much knew and appreciated them! i remember when nsp played on conan i was so happy for all of them and hoped twrp was getting just as much credit as nsp because they totally deserve it! i remember listening to guardians of the zone a couple years back in david's car and latching onto rock n roll best friends (my first favorite twrp song and still one of my faves!) and listening to that a lot. i remember the third starbomb album coming out last april and thinking, wow, this is definitely their best album musically because of twrp's instrumentation! and of course, like everyone else, i was obsessed with starlight brigade when the video came out, and recognized it was twrp's song featuring dan, not just a dan project. but i didn't have their names memorized, and for whatever reason, i thought they were all silent performers? like, i thought none of them talked and sung only talked/performed with talkbox. (i mean, i was like 60% right? at least at the time.)

on this day last year, i was showing my best friend arin and suzy's (gg) hot pepper gaming videos and then i noticed twrp's in the related videos. i was like oh my gosh! i didn't know twrp did one of these! and you can imagine my surprise when sung and meouch started talking fhfhdjdlfj i was literally like WAIT THEY TALK??? I REALLY THOUGHT NONE OF THEM TALKED. it's always really funny to look back on. and even though they spent most of that video suffering i thought they were so funny and likeable that i was like. maybe i should finally actually get into twrp.

and holy shit.

there's so much to twrp that i know i didn't do it all in a day. it's hard for me to get used to a band by listening to all their music once, so i took it album by album. i started with guardians of the zone, because i was already very familiar with it. listened to that on loop for a while, then moved onto together through time since it was their most recent album at the time. then, i went backwards from there.

i searched for all the lore i could. i read wiki pages, spent literal hours reading reddit AMAs, watched every video on their youtube channel and the hour long compilation of their instagram videos. this all took place over the span of like? a few days? a week? it's hard to say really. i fell so fast.

from that point on, i have so many stories, we would be here all day. i remember listening to believe in your dreams on repeat the day i became a d*sney trainer, and the literal day after that, they released hidden potential. then of course, the release of return to wherever, which i listened to nonstop for ages. the album is my jam because i love albums with a cohesive theme and songs that blend into each other. it's hard to beat together through time, but rtw comes really close.

i saw them for the first time live on july 30th, 2019. unfortunately, something happened that night that changed my life for the worse. but that wasn't twrp's fault at all. the show itself was incredible. i'd never been to a general admission concert of one of my faves, it was absolutely surreal that they were all right in front of me. and of course, they put on a hell of a show. they always do. god, i love them.

on august 9th 2019, i went to my first sung stream. it was a party stream and i'm on the east coast, so i stayed up until 3 AM to hear sung give me my first talkbox shoutout. i recorded it and still have the video. it made me smile in the early part of a very dark time in my life.

i made a lot of friends in that stream, we all shared twitters and i'm still friends/mutuals with all of them! and i've only made more friends since, especially at nsp10. nsp10 was incredible for many reasons, but a big one was that the three hours my fiancé and i were waiting outside the venue to be let in, we were just walking around saying hi to my twrp friends, meeting a bunch of them for the first time. and i made new friends! i remember standing in a group, shivering in my heart boner cosplay, and one of the guys saying "you're artie, right? i follow you on twitter, i love your cosplay!" he seemed like he was really gathering the courage to say it to me, he had no idea how happy it would make me! (shoutout to logan! you're awesome!)

really, if any of my twrp friends are reading this, i love you to pieces. meeting you has definitely been a high point of the last 365 days.

again, i have so many stories. but since this is already so long i'm just gonna cut to march 5th, 2020. that was the night i met them. now, i'm not a shy person at all, and over the past few years i haven't really been very socially anxious. i'm able to carry myself in conversation, even with strangers. but i've never met a fave before. let alone four faves at once. so, naturally, everything i had planned on saying completely left my brain. but they're literally the best, so it was still an absolute dream. the first thing sung said when he saw me was "hey you look great!" (my outfit was clearly inspired by his own, fancy orange hat and all, so he probs wanted to Respect The Drip but he was right regardless and also HOLY SHIT) and i had my baby porg gary with me (the sunshine of my life) and they all interacted with him and it was super wholesome.

they played two nights in orlando, and i went to both shows because of course i did. first night was great, second night was even better even though that was my GA show. they played life party on night 2, which might as well be my favorite song of all time. it has carried me through every bad moment since i first heard it. big and small. i have a lyric from it tattoo'd on my arm as a constant reminder that i'm alive, and that is something to be ecstatic about. i also had more room to dance and move around on night 2, and dance and move around i did. then, when the show was over and scatman played, i got out everything else i had. august-november 2019 was actual hell for me, and i was still dealing with the aftermath of it all. but that concert high made me realize, holy shit! all of it is over! it doesn't matter anymore! twrp carried me through one of the roughest periods of my life, and met me at the finish line with a fucking gold medal. i fucking did it. now i have none of the bad, and all of the good. it was one of the best feelings i've ever had, and one of the happiest nights of my life.

since then, twrp continues to keep me going. of course the world has been a total shitshow, but everyone's streams (especially the twrp show) have been the highlight of my week every week.

i've always considered myself a very positive person, but last year was a very bad year for my depression, as well as traumatic at times. and i've always had problems feeling understood. i still do. but twrp said hey! literally nobody understands us. not even ourselves! but that's okay! we want you to be happy and feel loved and supported no matter what. and i really can't thank them enough for it.

this part is mostly for another longer post, but i wanted to mention it since it's also really important. i fully came to terms with being a mlm last year after years of compulsory heterosexuality, and twrp played a big part in me exploring and accepting that about myself. and i was already very secure in my gender identity when i found them, but hearing "this song goes out to all the ladies, fellas, and everyone in between" shook me to my very core. i've never loved a band that literally said "shoutout to trans/nb people" at every concert. god. i love them so fucking much.

so this was even longer than i expected (and i expected it to be long bc yknow. spesh.) but i just have so much love and gratitude for this band. every day of my life i'm so thankful that doctor sung, commander meouch, lord phobos, and havve hogan exist and are spreading all this love and positivity to their fans every day. i've never loved a band like this, and i probably never will. they are truly special.

and it's only been a year!!!!

#artie.txt #twrp #this is super long but if you care about me and twrp and how they've impacted me #then here ya go

[mashtonasfuck]

I was at work when Ash posted this, and came out of work to see the notif and then proceeded to sit in my car sobbing for 20 minutes. This man, and this band are my lifeline. I’ve never told y’all my story about how I found 5 Seconds of Summer, but now seems like a good time. I’ll put it under the cut so it doesn’t clog up your dash.

I found Luke around the 14th of March 2011. I was 14. He’d posted his cover of ‘Fireflies’ by Ron Pope a few days before, and there was just something about it that I couldn’t get out of my head. At the time I didn’t think much of it (this was pre-youtube account) and I kept checking back every now and then to see if he posted anything else. In April of that same year, Mike and Cal uploaded a video introducing them as a three piece under the name of ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ - they did a few more covers, most of the time with only two of them lmao, and I kept checking back to see what they were posting. Ash joined them in December 2011 and they became a four piece.

When they uploaded the video for ‘Teenage Dirtbag’, I knew that I wanted to keep watching their content as there was just something I still couldn’t shake. The energy with the four of them had shifted somehow from just being the three of them, and it kept me interested.

They toured a lil bit of Aus in 2012, and I spent my days on Youtube watching shitty videos of them playing songs they’d written themselves rather than covers. They then revealed that they were releasing an EP later in the year. They dropped ‘Unplugged’ in June 2012 in Aus and NZ and I remember being super sad that I couldn’t buy it in the UK yet. It was released WW in December 2012, and you bet your ass I bought an iTunes voucher so I could buy it (remember iTunes vouchers?? Those were the days, RIP iTunes). They moved to London at the end of that year. I remember seeing a video someone uploaded of them doing an impromptu session playing in a park in London and being so sad that I wasn’t there to see them. They did some small intimate shows in the UK while they were over here, but I never got to go to any of them.

In early 2013 they started touring with 1D, but again I never got to see them. I LIVED for the shitty videos people were posting on Youtube of their performances, and I was desperate to see this band I’d become so obsessed with following.

On the 24th of February 2014, they uploaded the video for ‘She Looks So Perfect’ on Youtube. It was at this point that my friends at school became aware of them and started following them, despite me telling them for years that this band were awesome (teenagers, am I right?). On the 27th of June 2014, they released ‘5 Seconds Of Summer’ out into the world. I was 17 years old.

At 17, I was struggling with A LOT. My grandad was very ill, my friends turned out to not be my friends, and it’s probably one of the loneliest periods I’ve ever had in my life. I’d experienced what I thought was heartbreak, and their self-titled album was everything I needed at that time in my life. I finally saw them on the 5th of June 2015. I got to spend two hours in a room with my four favourite people in the whole world. I have a video of them playing ‘Everything I Didn’t Say’, and all you can hear is me sobbing in the background lmao.

Walking out of that venue, I knew my life would never be the same.

I was pretty active on social media at this point, as were the boys, and seeing the stupid things they got up to on Keek and Twitter genuinely made my days so much brighter.

As we all know, ‘Sounds Good Feels Good’ was released on the 23rd of October 2015. I was 18, my parents had just split up, my grandad had died and I felt like the whole world was out to get me. I fell into a period of intense depression and did some things I’m not proud of, and I honestly didn’t see a way out. Then SGFG came along. That is the album that quite literally saved my life. Listening to the four people I admired most in the whole world singing lyrics about things I was going through, being the same age as me, was totally overwhelming. I don’t remember my first listen through of that album - what I do remember is the way that it changed my whole world view.

They understood exactly how I felt, down to the last detail. To this day I have to leave Broken Home and Invisible off of playlists because they jolt me back to a time in my life that I don’t ever want to experience again. That whole album was my saving grace for a long time. I’m eternally grateful to them for releasing it when they did, as I’m gonna be straight up and say that I might not have been sat here typing this today.

I went to their show for the SLFL tour on the 8th of April 2016. I spent most of that night crying my eyes out and getting weird looks from the people around me, but I didn’t care. This was my band, and they were playing the songs that literally saved me. The SGFG era was emotionally draining for me for a long time, and it took me a while to be able to listen to most of the album again as it just felt so raw.

When they took time off to rejuvenate themselves before album three, I was worried. For the last 6 years this band had been what kept me waking up each morning. The lack of content was freaking me out and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. My mental health was on its way down again and I found myself going back to old patterns.

At this point, I’d been in a relationship for almost three years, was engaged, and was living with my then SO. I thought everything was perfect, I had the life that I wanted with a man that I thought I’d be with forever.

In February 2018 they released ‘Want You Back’, and I loved it, but didn’t have the connection with it like I did with SGFG. I missed out on tickets for the 5SOS III Tour (and may have cried about it, but it’s fine), but bought tickets for the Meet You There Tour before they even released the album. This was my band, of course I was going to see them.

When ‘Youngblood’ dropped, I had a day off from work. I set my stereo system up, and lay on my living room floor with the speakers around me in a circle. I wanted to feel the new album, not just listen to it (weird, I know). Want You Back and Youngblood were fine, but then we hit Lie To Me.

‘I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, won’t you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie to me?’

I genuinely felt all of the breath I had in my lungs, vacate. I’m gonna be straight and say that I hadn’t been happy in my relationship for a while despite what I said above - my partner was emotionally abusive, and the warning signs were clear, I just didn’t want to see them. That one line haunted me every time Luke sang it, but I let it play through and moved through the rest of the album. When it finished, I let it play through again. I let those lyrics flow through me, and by the time it got round to Lie To Me again, I was sobbing. Once again, these boys knew exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time in my life that I needed to hear it. It took me seeing them again in November of last year to make a change in my life.

If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ll know that I’ve shared my Meet You There Tour story before, but if you haven’t read it, you can find it here. I stood at the back of the O2 Academy in Birmingham, a year ago tomorrow (1st of Nov) and cried. Listening to my boys sing those songs in person absolutely broke me, and made me realise that I wasn’t happy in my relationship. I left that show heartbroken, and overwhelmed, and honestly exhausted, but I drove back home and spent the next two months trying to fix the relationship I was so unhappy in.

I thought I’d made progress, but after Christmas of last year, everything fell back into old patterns and enough was enough. Watching my ex-partner walk out of the front door was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’d taken the plunge, but I was broken. I moved back in with my mum in January of this year, which has been incredibly stressful (that’s another story lmao), but the one thing that has kept me going is these four boys.

Ashton is always the one that I feel the most connected with - I don’t know if it’s because he’s the oldest and people usually think I’m a lot older than I am, but his life philosophy and his attitude towards the things which make him a better person, inspire me every day. Whenever I’m having a shitty day, he always seems to put out a Tweet which says exactly what I need to hear. His love for us keeps me going every day, and I strive to be even half the person that he is. He does so much for us, and I thank God every single day he biked halfway across Sydney to attend that first band practice as a four-piece.

Their music makes me feel a lot less lonely, in a world that hasn’t always been the kindest to me. Because of them, I’ve met some of the coolest people on the planet through this godforsaken website, and the existence of these people in my life makes me excited to wake up each day.

This Tweet from Ash tonight reminded me exactly why I stayed with this band way back in 2011. Their passion for their art inspires me every single day and I am constantly in awe of the way they continue to push themselves and their performance.

I am not the same person I was at the start of the year. ‘Youngblood’ has helped me reinvent myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought possible, and I’ve only realised that because of four dorks from Sydney that told me it’s okay to be whoever you want to be.

I will forever be grateful for their music, their passion, and their presence on this Earth. I’ve never stuck with any artist as long as I’ve stuck with this band, and I would not change that for the world.

Thank you 5SOS, for always being there for me, even if no one else was. I love you guys.

#personal #wow #that ended up being a lot longer than I was planning #if you read all of that #I'm impressed #thank you #tw: sucide #tw: depression #tw: self harm #cashtonasfuck

[regencylady1810]

A Magical Christmas

Desire and Decorum Fanficition (Ernest x Mc) Characters Belong to Pixelberry

Tag @princess-geek

A commonly held belief is it was Queen Victoria and Prince Albert who brought over the Christmas Tree. In fact, the introduction of the Christmas Tree should be more credited to King George III and Queen Charlotte. In 1800 they had trees up, which were decorated and had gifts placed under them. It just didn’t become popular among the population until Victoria and Albert. A very similar belief is held with Victoria making wedding dresses be white, white was a common choice for brides, Victoria simply made it popular, but she was not the first.

The Christmas period was actually celebrated for a longer period time December 6th-January 6th (epiphany) however once the industrial revolution took place the Christmas period was shortened to a maximum of the last Friday before Christmas until after New Years Day. For many it was just 24th-26th that was observed, which remains to this day. (Would be great to have the pre-industrial revolution month again) Gifts were often given on December 6th (St Nicolas Day) but gifts were still often exchanged on Christmas Day itself.

Boxing Day traditionally was when servants were given presents and in many households- an opposite day- in which the Lord and Lady of the Manor would serve the servants.

As in Desire and Decorum the Mc had a friendship with Queen Charlotte (who died 17th November 1818- so very close to Chrtistmas) it’s possible she has picked up the tradition from her.

Synopsis- Ernest and Wilhelmina, and their children Percival, Peter and Blossom are ready to enjoy Christmas with their friends and family.

Christmas 1818

“Mamma! Mamma! Papa! Papa! Wake up! Wake up!” the two year old boy’s sweet voice cried.

“Mamma! Papa! Wake up! It is the best day of the year! You do not sleep on it!” the two year old girl said.

Doozy and disoriented from the sudden waking up, Ernest the first to open his eyes, while Wilhelmina was burying her head under her pillow.

“Papa come! Please! Mamma, wake up.” Blossom said tugging at her arm. Eventually Wilhelmina sat up.

“Yes, my dears we are coming. Go and play with your big brother for a while as we get ready.” She said tiredly. The twins ran off towards their brother’s room. “How can something so small have so much energy? As much as I love them at this age, it will be a very welcome thing for it to be us dragging them out of bed. We can finally get a good sleep. Did not help that our little one was moving around all night.” Wilhelmina stated, bringing Ernest’s hand to her bump.  

“If you need to, you may take a nap. I’ll occupy the children.” Ernest said kissing the top of her head.

“Thank you, that would be very welcome. Hopefully I can go through the whole day without needing to. I have a feeling this little one will be a spectacular dancer. He or she has been proving that.”

Wilhelmina was pregnant for the second time, bringing the Sinclaire family their fourth child. Percival already asking to be able to name his new brother or sister. Wilhelmina was pretty certain this time it was only one, which was welcome for her. The child would be born around late February, but it was certainly a possibility the new baby would share a birthday with the twins, born on March 5th of 1817.

Ernest helped his wife up out of the bed, and together they both got ready. Wilhelmina wearing a red gown with golden embroidery, while Ernest wore a red jacket to match his wife’s dress. Arm in arm they walked together towards Percival’s room.

“Yay! Mamma, Papa! You stopped sleeping.” Peter stated, jumping up and down. “Percy, showed us to play skittles. Watch us!”

The three children began demonstrating their skills of skittles, getting a round of applause from their parents.

“That was brilliantly played, you are all so very skilful!” Ernest said.

“Can we open presents now?” Percival asked.

“Percival, you know we have to go to church first.” Lady Dominque stated.

“Ohhh…that is not fun like presents.” Peter said.

“I know it is not as fun, but you will have something to look forward to afterwards!” Wilhelmina stated. Each of her children gave nods, in a bit of disappointment and agreement. “And don’t worry, Bishop Monroe keeps the ceremony to a half hour. Some go for over an hour.”

“I like Bishop Monroe! He keeps it short and he married Mamma and Papa!” Blossom said. She grabbed her bonnet and put it on. “Mamma, papa look. I put my bonnet on myself!”

“Well done, my darling. Can you tie it yourself?” Ernest asked.

“Um…no…papa can you help?” she said looking down at the ribbons and thinking about it for a second. He chuckled a bit and tied it for her.

“There you go. What else do you need?” he asked.

“Cloak!” Peter said. Ernest and Wilhelmina chuckled again.

“Anything else?” Wilhelmina said, looking at her children’s feet.

“Shoes!” Blossom beamed. “Feet be cold without!” the children went out of the room, towards the front door where their winter shoes were ready as well as their cloaks. Ernest and Wilhelmina following slowly behind them. The children already ready when the adults were at the hallway.

“Come on mamma and papa! The sooner we go, the sooner we are home!” Percvial said. Ernest and Wilhelmina put on the outer clothes and took their children’s hands as they walked to the church. With Lady Grandmother, Mr and Mrs Marlcaster and their young daughter, and Viscount Harry and Viscountess Thresa following behind. Viscountess Thresa was too with child, expecting at a very similar time Wilhelmina. A situation the two had bonded over.

The family sat down in church, the children not paying attention to what Bishop Monroe was saying, instead staring at the ceiling, the cloisters, the floor, trying to read the tombs, Peter counting the number of flowers embroidered onto the seat cushion. Blossom counting the number of people she could see in all the stained glass windows. Only joining in with the carols that were sung.

Finally, the service came to an end the journey home was made. The children removing their outer clothing at a incredibly fast rate and running to the tree. Grabbing the presents under the tree.

The adults sat down, still amazed at the energy levels of the children. Miss Parsons, Mr and Mrs Harper and Prince Hamid had all just arrived as well to give their presents. Miss Parsons,  the Harpers would be leaving after the exchange to attend their own family’s celebrations.

“Remember, one at a time.” Lady Grandmother. “They do indeed remind me of my dear Vincent, he was always excited for Christmas, he would be running about, we really had to bargain with him to restrain himself. Oh how I wish he was here now.” She said.

“I do too.” Wilhelmina stated.

“Look! I have a horse toy! Thank you!” Peter said showing it off to everyone. “Can I have a real horse as well?”

“Peter, you are too small for now. But you will when you’re tall enough.” Ernest said. “You all will, Percival, Blossom and the new baby.”

“Oh…I want to be tall very quickly then! But this horsey is practise!” Peter said excitedly. “He is called Marmaduke!" Blossom began to open hers up. “It’s a doll. Thank you! She looks like mamma! She is so beautiful! I think I shall call her…um…Lavender! Mamma! Can you teach me to make dresses for her, I want her to have pretty dresses like yours!”

“Of course my darling.”

Percival was the next to open his present. “It’s a bow and arrow. I can be like, Mamma, Papa and Miss Parsons. I can fight off any bad people easily! I love it. Thank you!” he said.

Peter was allowed to open his next present which he had ready on his lap. “It’s some soldiers, thank you!”

Blossom opened up hers. “Paints! Miss Parsons, I want to paint like you! Thank you.”

“It would be an honour to teach you Lady Blossom.”

“Yay!” Blossom said hugging Miss Parsons. “I want my first painting to be Wellington!” she said stroking the head of the sleeping pug.

“I cannot wait to teach you.” Miss Parson smiling at the little girl.

Percival excited at his new gift of a series of music books for the piano. Peter and Blossom both received a violin after both expressing interest in playing it. Something that made them more excited than they had been at their previous presents. Percival also received a book on animals and plants. Other presents to the children included a series of small games like the cup and ball and board games.

“Now we have another big present for everyone.” Ernest said. “It is not under the tree.” He said and went out of the room for a minute. Returning with a St Bernard on a lead. The children’s faces lit up with joy. Wellington waking up and strutting up to the large dog. Sniffing noses and rubbing against each other.

“Wellington likes him!” Blossom said excitedly.

“Yes he does. Now, what do you want to call Wellington’s new friend?” Ernest said.

“Um…how about Nelson? Wellington is named after Duke Wellington, we should name him after Admiral Nelson!” Percival stated.

“I like it!” Peter and Blossom said in unison. The twins often saying things in unison.

“And so do I.” Ernest said, giving the lead to Percival but keeping close to them.

“Now grown ups get presents!” Blossom said sitting back

down on the floor. First was Wilhelmina’s gift from Ernest. A beautiful sapphire and gold bracelet- the Edgewater colours.

“I do hope you like it my dove.” He whispered.

“I absolutely love it. Thank you, my love.” She said kissing him, and afterwards he helped her secure the clips as she initially struggled to do so one handed. Next was her present from her grandmother, a pearl and diamond headband.

“Oh thank you, so much Lady Grandmother. This shall be a wonderful headpiece to wear at the next ball.” She smiled.

Mr and Mrs Marlcaster handed over their present. A new book. Persuasion and Northanger Abbey. Wilhelmina did suspect she would be receiving the book after Mrs Marlcaster’s attempts to dissuade her after visiting the bookshop earlier in the month. Her suspicions confirmed. From Mr and Mrs Harper came a new riding hat. Prince Hamid giving a large cut of fabric from the heart of the Ottoman Empire. Perfect to make a new dress. From her half brother Harry and his wife, came another book. Frankenstein.

“I discovered that book earlier this year, it is indeed a fascinating story and I knew it would be of interest to you.” Harry stated.

“I have read it, it is most terrifying. Do not my dear sister, do not read at night or alone. Keep to one chapter in the morning and occupy yourself with jolly activities afterwards.” Theresa stated.

“I will indeed take your advice.” Wilhelmina replied. To Ernest she gave an engraved pocket watch, a reminder of his first ever gift to her. The E of his first name and the W of hers joined together. And a short passage: my love for you is immortal. He gave her a kiss and a thank you. The children making noises at the affection before them. From Lady Grandmother he received new writing instruments. From Mr and Mrs Marlcaster came a new top hat. Harry and Theresa giving new collection book of poems.

Other presents of perfume, jewels, fans, books and writing equipment where given to the others.

“Miss Parsons has not giving mamma and papa a present!” Peter said. Miss Parson smirked.

“I have, but this is for the both of you Countess Wilhelmina and Mr Sinclaire.” She smiled as she handed over a painting. A painting of Ernest, Wilhelmina, Percival, Peter and Blossom. A large number of thank yous came from Wilhelmina and Ernest.

“It seems I shall have to give you an updated one for next Christmas with the new baby in.” “I would not complain to have any of your paintings. I would love for a new one each year, as the children grow up each year, more members joining every couple of years. It is so delightful.” Wilhelmina smiled. “Look children, you’re in this.” The children all came to look.

“That’s me!” Percival said. “There’s you Peter, and there’s you Blossom!”

After settling down after exchanging presents the dinner bell rang. The children excited for their big meal. Their favourite of the whole year.

Roast Goose as well as vension, seasonal vegetables so carefully roasted and smelling so tempting. All took their seats and began to eat.

“This is so nice!” Peter said his mouth full of food.

“Peter…remember do not speak with your mouth full.” Ernest said to him gently. He and Wilhelmina did promise to be slightly more lenient on the children’s behaviours, but basic table manners were still upheld. Peter nodded and finished eating before talking about how much he liked it.

For their pudding was Mrs Marlcaster’s favourite: plum pudding. But the children who did not like it had cake baked by Mr Danforth.

“Cake is so nice!” Blossom said. “When I am grown I shall have it everyday.” She smiled.  The adults smiling at the childish dreams of hers. “Can Mr Danforth teach me to make his cake.”

“It is a secret recipe my dear. He will not tell another soul.” Wilhelmina said to her. Blossom looking a bit disappointed at this revelation.

After the dinner they adjourned to the drawing room, the children set on playing with their new toys and Wellington and Nelson.

The adults set to playing group guessing games and taking it in turns to play with the children. The big fire with the yule log ablaze, giving a calm and warming light to every corner of the room.

After a few rounds of their games they went into the music room where Percival played some of the pieces he had been practising especially for the Christmas night celebrations.

“You shall be the most wonderful pianist on the London stages on day, I am certain of that. Every major theatre in all corners of the world shall want you!” Lady Grandmother beamed.

“Thank you so much.” He said to all the compliments. They sang carols together, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and While Shepherds Watched their Flocks By Night.

After hours of festivities, the children’s energy began to decrease, yawning they still protested they didn’t want to go to bed. But they did so after they were told they could still have fun tomorrow.

Ernest and Wilhelmina as well as Harry and Theresa were the first after the children to retire after the children went to bed. Wilhelmina and Theresa being especially tired in their later stages of pregnancy on top of the event filled day.

In their bed chamber Ernest and Wilhelmina began to undress for the night.

“Well, that was one of my favourite Christmases ever.” Ernest smiled. “And I cannot wait to give thanks to our wonderful staff by giving them their gifts and serving them a feast.”

“As can I. Though I cannot promise the food shall be at their standard, especially the cake. Though it would be a near impossible task to better Mr Danforth.” Wilhelmina said. Ernest crouching low to kiss her, as she was unable to do stand on her toes. “And I look forward to their ball. Though, I think I shall keep to only one dance, and one with no skipping or jumping. As much as our baby seems to want to be a dancer, I shall not exert myself, I do not want to go into labour early, especially during the servants festivities.”

The servants of Edgewater and Ledford would join together at Ledford for the Boxing Day celebrations, a day that was as keenly looked forward to as Christmas Day itself.

“I have another gift for you my love.” Ernest said.

“Oh my beloved, you did not need to do so.”

“Correct, I did not need to do so. But I wanted to.” He smiled. He handed her over a large locket, inside, was a miniature painting of her and Ernest and their children. “As Miss Parson said in regards her wonderful painting, I shall have to see to an up to date painting once our new son or daughter is born.”

“It is beautiful. Thank you.” She said kissing him. Placing it on her necklace holder. “I shall wear it with pride tomorrow, and everyday.”

“And here’s another gift.” He smiled. Her mouth dropped.

“Ernest you spoil me.” She said.

“You deserve it, after you, you being my wife means I am spoiled, for you are the most wonderful wife in the world, a wife most men only dream of so it is only fair to spoil you in return.”

“By that logic your very existence is being spoiled. But I don’t mind the presents.” She smirked, opening the large box. “Oh it is beautiful.”

A dress, a royal blue dress, with golden and red embroidery and a train. She looked closer at the embroidery on the train, she noticed her own initials, Ernest’s and their children’s.

“Oh it is beautiful!”

“And there is space there, for our newcomer’s initals and for if anymore come along to over the next years.”

“Ernest this is such a wonderful idea. I love it.” She smiled. “I confess I have got you some extra presents too.” She smiled. Handing over a box containing a new blue jacket and a pair of boots.

“You know how much I love you in blue and boots. You can never have enough of those as they suit you so well. And this too.” She handed over a new Journel.

“You have written to almost the last page in your wedding gift, it is time you received a new one.” She smiled.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas my darling, beloved husband, my Ernest.”

“Merry Christmas my dear, wonderful beloved wife. My Wilhelmina.”

They kissed again. “I love you.” They whispered together, before falling asleep in each other’s arms closely wrapped up together. Ready for the next busy day ahead.

#desire and decorum #desireanddecorum #desire and decorum fanfic #desire and decorum fanfiction #ernest sinclaire #ernest x mc #ernest sinclaire x mc #mr sinclaire #mr sinclaire x mc #miss parsons #prince hamid #Mr Harper

[meiluka-enthusiast]

Curtain Call part 5

-Saturday, November 3rd, 20XX-

-Asuka-

I was awake at midnight, thinking. Yesterday's performance, the first one, had gone so well...it surprised me, honestly.  

I'd known this group for a while now- they all joined Curtain Call about 5 years ago. I got to know each of them quite well, learning about their lives and different aspects of their personalities.

There used to be ten of them, but now there's only six since Dex, Daina, Flower and Miki asked to leave. They had all wanted to pursue something different in their lives, deciding they didn't want to be involved in music as a career. The six that are left are always fun to be with, unless something bad happened. Each of their personalities is fairly unique in some way, it's always interesting to think about.

SeeU is the chill, fairly average girl of our group. She was experimented on when she was young, giving her some technology that's implanted into her body. She has mechanical cat ears on her head, they also serve as speakers somehow. The other technology is unknown, but it's interesting. She always seems to find fun in things, or otherwise get lost in her own thoughts. Her collection of facial expressions is always fun to watch.

Piko is a bit more frantic, but it could be due to what he's been through. He's quiet and clingy, mostly staying near SeeU. When he was younger, he was also experimented on, but his experiments failed terribly. He would have died, if the government hadn't found the facility he was held in and sent the experimented children to the hospital. He's got a lot of technology in his body, and it's partly keeping him alive. He's social, but in a quiet way. He'll be reading while sitting with a group or just laying there, eyes closed but awake.

Kaito's a sweetheart who's always looking for affection. Since his parents abused him, he hasn't had much experience with real love and affection, and he's desperate for some. Personally, I find his affectionate nature cute, but it can be annoying at times. He's also quite emotional and gets attached to things easily, but he's really sweet and caring. He's very attached to Gakupo, his boyfriend, always giving him cuddles or gently giving him a kiss. Honestly, I feel a bit bad for Kaito- always being so affectionate just so he's sure that he isn't hated.

Gakupo's fairly chill. He's extremely observant and notices a lot of things- habits and mannerisms, emotions, certain patterns in random things. He's also kind of a sweetheart, but in a bit of a silent way. He finds it hard to say no, since he trained himself to do whatever anyone told him- he was a child prostitute. Despite this, he seems okay for the majority of the time. He does his best to live life as he can, enjoying music and friendships.

Luka is kind of like the closeted lesbian wallflower at a high school. Not to offend her or anything...it's honestly a bit cute, the way she is. She's very quiet and doesn't trust others easily, but she seems to trust Gakupo and Meiko more since they can relate to each other easily. She's very deeply in love with Meiko, and it's quite obvious to anyone who knows them both. She seems to get scared or intimidated in social situations, and avoids anything that could possibly be sexual. She seems a bit like she's scared to step out of her shell, as if she could ruin someone's life...

And then there's Meiko. I don't know as much about her as the others, but that's because she stays aloof and independent, putting up walls and shutting herself inside. She can get defensive or have a bit of a temper sometimes, but she's still pretty cool. She loves Luka very much, but shows it a bit less. She tends to shut people out a bit, like she's afraid of something...but she's always open and herself with Luka. We rarely see her cry or get upset, unless she gets mad.

I sigh and look at my phone. My reminders say 'Two days'.

November 5th is coming up fast. I hope we'll be able to make it a good day for Meiko...last year didn't work so well. We had been busy all day and she'd said nothing, but I could tell she was thinking we'd forgotten. At least we were able to do something for her.

I smile and sit up, getting out of my sleeping bag and getting out of the van, sneaking into the RV. The first things I see are Meiko and Luka curled up on the couch in each other's arms, with Oliver snuggled in between them. I walk into the actual bedroom to find Kaito and Gakupo asleep in the bed, with Piko and SeeU on the floor in sleeping bags. I smile, seeing that they're all comfortable, and leave the RV to go back to the van.

Hinata's snoring when I crawl back into my sleeping bag, so I pull my phone out and open a game to tire myself out with. For some reason it gets incredibly hard for me to fall asleep sometimes...

I felt my eyes beging to slowly close as I messed with the Pac-Man app on my phone. I sighed and put it away, curling up and closing my eyes. The stars shone softly outside, and everyone seemed to be happy.

"Two more days." I smiled as I fell asleep.

#vocaloid #fanfic #oc #vocaloid meiko #meiko x luka #luka megurine #kaito shion #gakupo #seeu vocaloid #piko utatane

[theway-itwas]

20200317

i write many notes about her. some people journal, and i write little tidbits of what i’m feeling when i’m feeling it, sort of as a log to keep track of what i’m feeling about her. 

it’s been two months, and then some. it still hurts, but it’s more a stinging feeling now. it’s different, not at all how i expected it to feel at this point in time. with everything going on i have felt and pondered many things, gone into the depths of myself and uncovered secrets about myself i never knew existed. it’s fulfilling to see myself reach a potential i didn’t know i could reach. 

i still think she’s going to come back, and i’m almost confident she will. this feeling, this intuitive gut knowing that she will return is hard to shake. it has to account for something, it’s not for nothing. there’s a reason the signs keep popping up, there’s a reason for everything, and i am starting to piece them together and understand exactly what it is i need to do. 

she pulls me back in right when i feel like it’s my time to walk away. like saturday night/sunday morning, when we watched parasite and facetimed until 5 in the morning out of the blue. all saturday i was crying over her, and that very night she messaged me. we had a fun conversation, then talked throughout the night. and then it was back to normal, back to reality. she stopped talking to me again. 

i doubt she understands just how much it meant to me. that night was great, it resurfaced a lot of feelings i’d pushed deep down, and it made me realize yet again that it’s still her. it’s going to be her for a while, and that i am confident that for her it will eventually be me too. it couldn’t mean nothing, it can’t mean nothing. i know in my soul that it meant something to her like it meant to me. 

and with that, i want to explain some of the things in my notes. i kind of just want to write, but didn’t know what to write independently, so i figured i’d go into detail for myself. 

“i remember staring at your eyes and memorizing the color because i didn’t want to forget.” inspired by my main tumblr, and encapsulating how it felt to look into her ‘boba ball’ eyes and never want to see anything else ever again. 

“la citta di smeraldo” the truth untold by bts. it made me think of how i was when we were ~together~, the story reminded me of myself. i hated myself then, i’m getting better now. 

“the nights i’ll grow not to remember, but you, i will never forget.” it’s the truth. the individual nights have started to fade, and soon enough they’ll all be forgotten memories. but her, she will always be a part of me. she will stay in my head forever. 

“i was desperately looking for happy songs to listen to when i realized that the playlist i made for you was filled with them. good news is, i can listen to it without crying. bad news is, every song is still about you.” that one speaks for itself. i wrote that before she unfollowed the playlist, which made it harder to listen to. but it remains true still. every song is about her, even if it hurts to daydream when i listen to them. 

“once i realized that i deserved better, and that i was capable of giving myself everything you could not, i was happier. that’s funny, isn’t it? how i’m happy and i am learning to love myself now that you’re out of the picture. things without you used to be so hard, now they’re getting easier day by day, and you’re just not that special anymore.” this one is funny because it was so incredibly short-lived. that was a great week, but i was trying to deny how i felt. i accept it now, and i allow myself to feel these things for her knowing it is for good reason and it will get better someday. 

“i don’t think you understand how much i need you, were you really just a waste of all those nights? i don’t think the stars aligned so i can’t have you, is the universe really that unkind?” song lyrics i wrote for sydney, but that i altered a bit to fit izzy. they fit so much more in this situation. 

“there’s not a song sad enough.” i revisit this one, mentally, a lot. when i first saw that she was talking to someone else, and that she confessed to them and it went well, this was my immediate reaction. no song was sad enough to match how i felt. i was destroyed. 

“everybody’s blind when the view’s amazing.” stay by post malone. i still love that song, and it’s true. rose colored glasses are a dangerous thing. 

“i don’t follows fighting for a lost cause, feels like even drifting we’re just off course” fomo by eden. the best song off of no future, and it was my simping song for a while. 

“she says i’m no good with my hands but i’d hold up the whole sky for her” 2020 by eden. again, lyrics that somehow explain what i could never. 

“i begged you to tell me to turn around, but all i heard was silence. maybe it was me who should’ve told you to turn around, but maybe neither of us was meant to. so, we continue with our backs to each other as if our paths hadn’t just crossed, as if our lives weren’t changed forever, yet not as if we’d never be the same without each other.” i wrote that one after watching portrait of a lady on fire. like call me by your name, the ending of that movie resonated differently with me, and i took the portrait concept and my own experience with her and mixed them together to write a little paragraph. 

“you could have told me to go to hell and, if that’s what you wanted, i would’ve done it without hesitation.” after rewatching faking it, a similar line that liam said was on my mind for many days. karma told him to go to hell, and he replied “fine, i’ll go to hell if that’s what you want” and it made me really think, that’s exactly how i feel about izzy. 

“distracting myself works for a while but i always end up here.” self explanatory. i was probably more upset than usual when i wrote that. 

“i think things should be easier from now on. thank you for giving me the closure i needed, and i hope the future is bright for both of us--individually and together.” i wrote that after she texted me about the tik tok i made about her and we talked things out. it’s funny because i really thought things would be easier. things got so much harder, and i was visibly upset the few days after that. that night kind of did nothing but make me want her more, especially after she’d said she thinks about me every day and basically said moving on was hard. the fact that she had to move on at all made me rethink everything i ever thought about her because that means it was real, and she forced herself to give it up. 

“it’s times like these when you remember just how temporary everything is.” just me reminiscing on november and december. 

“nothing has felt right since you left.” it’s true. things have felt off, like it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“being closer to you makes it worse. it’s still you, it will always be you, and for you it will never be me and that is the most frustrating reality that i can’t face.” we were talking quite a bit then, and i wasn’t confident in the thought that she would come back quite yet. 

“i may not be okay yet, but i’m closer than i was yesterday.” every day i get closer to being more okay, but healing is inconsistent, and sometimes things get harder again. 

“right when i think i’ve gotten far enough, you pull me back in again.” she probably texted me asking if i was okay again, as she often does. maybe it was when i asked her if she was okay. sometimes i think it’s just her excuse to talk to me. 

“i just want to relive those days over and over again. i want that feeling again, i want you and i’m desperately trying to show you that but you just don’t care and it’s killing me. everything changed when you left and i’m trying to figure myself out but it hurts having to do that without you. i don’t even know why i’m making such a big deal out of such a short time but i can’t help it and i feel pulled in two directions because i can’t decide whether to let you go or to hold onto hope because both paths seem equally as plausible and both are hurting me more than i can take. i feel weak and defeated. i feel like i have no control and that i have no choice but to sit here and do nothing as things fall apart. thanks to you, i am defeated.” it was true then, less so now. i feel like holding onto hope is way more plausible now, but i did feel defeated. 

“it doesn’t even feel anymore. it’s just nothing, waves of nothingness when i think of you.” i don’t even remember what exactly evoked this response but clearly i was upset. 

“i both don’t want to talk to you and only want to talk to you. it’s a mixture of pushing you away and pulling you in. every time i try to walk, something happens and it feels like i get pulled back. i just want to be free from you, free to be happy without you and be happy for you. please allow me to do that.” little did i know there was trouble in paradise. 

“i’ve never had a choice. everyone else has always chosen for me, you chose for me, i didn’t have a say in it. how is that fair?” i just felt so helpless and defeated. 

“yesterday i was crying over you and trying to forget about you. last night i was on facetime with you until 4:30 in the morning. you did it again, you pulled me back in.” self-explanatory. this time was different though, it cemented many things. 

“maybe you should set me free, maybe i don’t really want you to” this love by camila cabello. pretty much sums up every feeling i’ve had since january 5th. 

that’s it for the notes.

i am trying to forgive. i realized today that the universe, spirit is sending me the sign that i must forgive before i can get what i want. i can’t have her until i forgive her, really truly forgive her for leaving me. they sent me her knowing this was a lesson i had to learn. i can’t have what i want unless i forgive everyone, including myself. i need to forgive the world and love every aspect of it to finally prosper and get an abundance of what i want. i see that now. so, i will work on forgiveness. i will nurture my wounds. 

this will be my physical speaking of it. i am working on myself, doing healthy things and actually going through with it. every day i want to go on long walks, to sit and meditate at that table i found today. i want to be everything i have always wanted to be and i am doing things to help myself achieve that. 

the spirituality and intuition i am tapping into lately feels amazing. i understand the things around me, and i see the beauty in all things. i’ve gotten into tarot, astrology, meditation, manifestation, and all that good stuff lately. it feels good. i like growing into this new person. it feels like a new chapter, in all the best ways. 

rae, as in valkyrae, said it regarding her breakup with michael recently. “just because we aren’t in each other’s chapter nine doesn’t mean we can’t be in each other’s chapter fifteen”.

and with that, i think izzy and i need(ed) this time apart to work on ourselves. i think we both need to forgive, and we both need to grow in order to be perfect for each other. i think there is a deep soul connection, i think she might be my soulmate, and i see now the importance of spending time apart so we can fall back together. 

all is going to work out. everything is going to be okay. i see that now. 

[dfroza]

will you open your heart to the new covenant of grace

to allow your body to become the Temple of the Spirit of our Creator?

this is what we find written (and conserved) in Paul’s Letters of the New Testament, with Today’s reading being from 2nd Corinthians

[Chapter 7]

Because we have these promises, dearly loved ones, out of respect for God we should scour the filth from our flesh and spirit and move toward perfect beauty and holiness.

Take us into your hearts; love us as we love you. You have nothing to fear. We have hurt no one, ruined no one, swindled no one. I am not writing these things to condemn you, as I said before. Our hearts embrace you, so we stand beside you whether facing life or death. I am completely confident and incredibly proud of you. Even in all this turbulence I am at peace—I am overflowing with joy.

When we came into Macedonia, we were completely worn out—under attack from every angle—nagging opposition on the outside, our own nagging fears from the inside. But God, who comforts the downcast, brought us comfort when Titus arrived from Corinth. We were relieved, not just to see him, but because he told us how he was encouraged to learn about your longing, your grieving, and your continued enthusiasm for me. So these were all more reasons for me to rejoice!

I knew you would be upset with my last letter, but I do not regret sending it. If there were times I did have second thoughts, it was because I could see that the letter did hurt you, even if only for a while. Now I am glad—not because it caused you grief but because you were moved to make a permanent change that can happen only with the realization that your actions have gone against God—I’m glad to know you suffered no long-term loss because of what we did. Now this type of deep sorrow, godly sorrow, is not so much about regret; but it is about producing a change of mind and behavior that ultimately leads to salvation. But the other type of sorrow, worldly sorrow, often is fleeting and only brings death. Look at what is happening among you! Notice how authentic and diligent you have become because this godly sorrow has been at work in your community. But there’s more: your desire to clear your name, your righteous anger, your respect, your longing, your zeal, and your concern for justice. All these demonstrate how you have been made clean. So when I wrote my last difficult letter, it was not to comfort the victim or confront the perpetrator—it was to stir up your sincere devotion for us under God’s watchful eye. In the midst of all that has happened, though it has been difficult, we are comforted and encouraged. When we saw the relief and joy on Titus’s face, we celebrated even more because his spirit had been totally refreshed by you. Now if I have bragged in the past about you to Titus, I have nothing to be ashamed of. Just as we’ve spoken the whole truth to you, I’m glad to know that our boasts to Titus about you have proven true as well. His love for you overflows even more as he recalls your obedience and how you respectfully and somewhat nervously, with fear and trembling, took him in. I have great joy now because I have great confidence in you.

The Letter of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 7 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 5th chapter of First Kings where Solomon begins the work of building the Temple in Jerusalem

[International Fame]

Hiram king of Tyre sent ambassadors to Solomon when he heard that he had been crowned king in David’s place. Hiram had loved David his whole life. Solomon responded, saying, “You know that David my father was not able to build a temple in honor of God because of the wars he had to fight on all sides, until God finally put them down. But now God has provided peace all around—no one against us, nothing at odds with us.

“Now here is what I want to do: Build a temple in honor of God, my God, following the promise that God gave to David my father, namely, ‘Your son whom I will provide to succeed you as king, he will build a house in my honor.’ And here is how you can help: Give orders for cedars to be cut from the Lebanon forest; my loggers will work alongside yours and I’ll pay your men whatever wage you set. We both know that there is no one like you Sidonians for cutting timber.”

When Hiram got Solomon’s message, he was delighted, exclaiming, “Blessed be God for giving David such a wise son to rule this flourishing people!”

Then he sent this message to Solomon: “I received your request for the cedars and cypresses. It’s as good as done—your wish is my command. My lumberjacks will haul the timbers from the Lebanon forest to the sea, assemble them into log rafts, float them to the place you set, then have them disassembled for you to haul away. All I want from you is that you feed my crew.”

In this way Hiram supplied all the cedar and cypress timber that Solomon wanted. In his turn, Solomon gave Hiram 125,000 bushels of wheat and 115,000 gallons of virgin olive oil. He did this every year. And God, for his part, gave Solomon wisdom, just as he had promised. The healthy peace between Hiram and Solomon was formalized by a treaty.

[The Temple Work Begins]

King Solomon raised a workforce of thirty thousand men from all over Israel. He sent them in shifts of ten thousand each month to the Lebanon forest; they would work a month in Lebanon and then be at home two months. Adoniram was in charge of the work crew. Solomon also had seventy thousand unskilled workers and another eighty thousand stonecutters up in the hills—plus thirty-three hundred foremen managing the project and supervising the work crews. Following the king’s orders, they quarried huge blocks of the best stone—dressed stone for the foundation of The Temple. Solomon and Hiram’s construction workers, assisted by the men of Gebal, cut and prepared the timber and stone for building The Temple.

The Book of 1st Kings, Chapter 5 (The Message)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for Wednesday, november 18 of 2020 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible, along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

A post by John Parsons about the significance of repentance:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Not just this or that particular sin, mind you, but the whole constellation of attitudes, assumptions, and wayward thinking that brought us into exile in the first place. The word confession (ὁμολογία) means bringing yourself naked before the Divine Light to agree with the truth about who you are. Indeed, the verb homologeo (ὁμολογέω) means “saying the same thing” - from ὁμός (same) and λόγος (word). In biblical Hebrew teshuvah (תְשׁוּבָה) means turning back to God by turning away from what makes you lost in unreality and painful exile. God's love for us is the question, and our teshuvah – our turning of the heart toward Him – is the answer. Teshuvah is one of the great gifts God gives each of us – the ability to turn back to Him and seek healing for our brokenness. [Hebrew for Christians]

11.17.20 • Facebook

and another post by John about becoming Real:

Some of us seem far more concerned with how others see than how God sees us... We strive to manage a public image crafted for others but lose the substance of what is real. Trying to control how we are seen by others is exhausting, however, since it implies that we must find our value in their (conditional) approval rather than from a deeper source. The emotional need for approval is a form of cruel bondage: We take ourselves too seriously, we deny who we really are, and we believe we are never good enough. Over time we become anxious and easily offended people... “Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God?” (Gal. 1:10).

For every reaction there is a counter reaction. As the Kotzker Rebbe wisely said, "If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am I and you are you; but if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you." The Kotzer's saying reminds me of a story I once heard. A man went to a rabbi and said, "I know I am a fool, rabbi, but I don't know what to do about it. Can you help me? The rabbi replied in a complimentary way, "Ah my son, if you know you're a fool, then surely you are no fool!" "Then why does everybody say I am a fool?" complained the man. The rabbi regarded him thoughtfully for a moment and then said, "If you don't understand that you are a fool, but only listen to what other people say, then you are surely a fool!"

As Hillel had said, "If I am not for myself then who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?" (Avot 1:14). Hillel points out here that the language of "I am" (אָנִי) and "me" (לִי) reveals that we have a relationship with ourselves that must be sanctified and ordered before God. As Soren Kierkegaard once cryptically wrote: “The self is a relation which relates itself to its own self, or it is that in the relation that the relation relates itself to its own self; the self is not the relation but that the relation relates itself to its own self” (Kierkegaard: The Sickness unto Death). An authentic self must relate itself to God as the Ground of existence, otherwise irremediable despair will result, that is, a lethal sickness of soul... The remedy for anxious confusion of heart is to turn to God and to find your value in God’s love and blessing. As we come to believe that we are accepted and loved despite our many imperfections, inadequacies, and character defects, we find courage to accept ourselves, to “let go” and relax. As Yeshua said, “whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it" (Luke 18:17).

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become Real. It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time.... Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." (Margary Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit). [Hebrew for Christians]

https://hebrew4christians.com

11.17.20 • Facebook

Today’s message from the Institute for Creation Research

November 18, 2020

Watch in Prayer

“Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; Withal praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am also in bonds.” (Colossians 4:2-3)

This strong command is composed of two very similar Greek terms—gregoreuo, meaning “vigilant” or “alert,” and agrupneo, meaning “be awake.” A similar emphasis is at the end of the classic passage identifying the armor of God: “Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints” (Ephesians 6:18).

Our watching must also be with a conscious attitude of thanksgiving during “every remembrance” of each other (Philippians 1:3), particularly since the intercessory request should be focused on asking our Lord Jesus to provide an open door (Revelation 3:8). The Lord is indeed the One who opens the door, but the process for obtaining His action is recorded in Luke 11:9-11. We must ask for the gift of the open door, seek to find the door that He is opening, and then knock once we are at the door that He is ready to open for us.

However, as Paul notes, when the Lord opens a “door of utterance,” the spoken Word of God conveys the power of God—and that message and its power will bring the attention of the Enemy. “For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there are many adversaries” (1 Corinthians 16:9).

Any fear that might lurk in our minds should be overridden by the necessity to be spokespeople for this wonderful “mystery of Christ.” There is no “salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:12). HMM III

[kaatastroph-e]

Come Back [Jerza] — Kaat Translates

Title: Come Back

Pairing: Jerza (Jellal Fernandes x Erza Scarlet)

Rating: T

Series: Kaat Translates

Warning: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

A/N: This is a translation of @gods-tears98‘s amazing story, Come Back, which was originally written in french. Thanks dear!

AO3  +  ORIGINAL

August 31th, 2016 – 11 :30 AM

> I didn’t forget anything, did I?

> I don’t think so. Why?

> Just a hunch. Doesn’t matter. It’s almost time.

> Already?

> I’ll send you a text as soon as the plane lands, alright?

> Have a great trip.

 August 31th, 2016 – 7 :23 AM

> Are you there yet?

> Yes, we landed barely two minutes ago. Have a great day, darling.

> You too. Love you.

> Love you.

 September 1st, 2016 – 8 :00 AM 

> Hello love.

> Hey beautiful. Slept well?

> Yes and you? Have you met your client?

> I miss you. I met him yesterday but I can’t tell you more.

> It’s alright. Just be careful.

> Like always.

 September 2nd, 2016 – 12 :36 AM

> Good night darling. I love you.

 September 18th, 2016 – 9 :24 AM

> They forecast more than 90°F where you are.

> Incredible, right? I’ll come back tanned.

> You’re sexier with a tan.

> Oh… Am I not sexy enough yet?

> Of course you are! It adds more to your charm, that’s all.

> Haha.

> Don’t forget to hydrate yourself regularly.

> Yes mom.

> Jellal.

> I have to go. Love you.

 September 20th, 2016 – 10 :59 PM

> I just learned that Natsu began a firefighter career…

 September 20th, 2016 – 12 :06 PM

> You’re joking, right?

> He looks like he’s enjoying it.

> He’s more often the type to cause a fire…

> A realization, perhaps?

> That’s more alarming than anything else, really.

> Haha, I agree. But maybe he’ll do wonders!

> Still not trusting him with the house.

 September 26th, 2016 – 1 :38 PM 

> Big news!

> ?

> Mira is getting married!

> Oh? When’s the big day?

> Laxus isn’t thinking too much about it since you’re not back yet.

> Why?

> I think he wants you to be the best man.

> I don’t want to attract the wrath of the bride-to-be with my absence.

> They have time.

> If you say so…

> Jellal?

> Yes, dear?

> When are you coming back?

> I don’t know. I’ll be as quick as I can.

> I don’t like the place where they sent you.

> I’ll be good, I promise.

> I love you.

> I love you more.

 October 5th, 2016 – 8 : 47 AM

> I didn’t think one month would be this long.

> You coping?

> I’m not the one roasting every day.

> Haha, true.

> But…

> But?

> I miss you so much.

> Just a few more weeks

> You’re not doing anything stupid, are you? You’re not hurt?

> I’ve only been hit once or twice, nothing too bad tho. My client is more famous than I thought.

> Don’t risk your life.

> I can’t leave him unprotected. Not a man like him.

>I don’t want you to die.

> I promise you that I’d come back, no? Everything will be alright. I love you.

 October 7th, 2016 – 11 :01 PM

 > Good night love.

> Good night Erza. Sleep well.

 October 15th, 2016 – 10 :22 AM

> Try not to kill anyone on the road today, even in case of traffic jams.

> What a great sense of humor.

> My girlfriend is a dangerous woman. My duty is to control her temper.

> Enough talking, mister the joker, time to get to work.

 October 21th, 2016 – 12 :36 AM

> There are shooting stars tonight.

> Are you thinking about me?

> I’m always thinking about you.

 October 23th, 2016 – 7 :14 AM

 > It’s going to rain. Take your umbrella. I don’t want you to get sick. Kisses, darling, see you soon.

 November 2nd, 2016 – 8 :47 PM 

> Sweet dreams. I miss you.

 November 5th, 2016 – 4 :08 PM

> Who’s coming back in three days?

> Oh my god, really?

> Of course. Do you want us to go eat somewhere when I get home?

> I’ll take care of it. You make sure to be there.

> I love you Erza. I love you so much.

> And I love you just as much.

 November 7th, 2016 – 6 :57 PM

> I saw the news. Jellal, are you alright? You weren’t in the shooting, were you?

> They weren’t able to identify the victims after the explosion.

 November 7th, 2016 – 7 :12 PM

> Answer me, please.

 November 7th, 2016 – 7 :26 PM

 > Jellal?

 November 7th, 2016 – 7 :32 PM

> You broke your phone again.

> Stupid.

 November 8th, 2016 – 12 :08 AM

> Good night, darling. I love you.

 November 9th, 2016 – 9 :47 AM

> I don’t understand…

> … Why do they say that you’re dead?

> You’re not dead.

 November 9th, 2016 – 9 :53 AM

> Please.

 November 9th, 2016 – 10 :11 AM

 > Jellal.

 November 9th, 2016 – 3 :46 AM

 > You know what I think?

> I think it’s a joke.

> You can’t be dead.

> You’re not allowed to.

 November 15th, 2016 – 8 :25 PM

> It was raining today. I forgot my umbrella.

> I always forget it when you don’t remind me about it.

 November 17th, 2016 – 2 :51 PM

> I feel like you’re going to answer me sometimes.

> I don’t know.

> I miss your texts.

 November 17th, 2016 – 2 :58 PM

 > I know that you’re still alive.

 November 18th, 2016 – 9 :32 PM

> Good night, I love you.

 November 21th, 2016 – 6 :25 AM

> Hey Jellal.

 November 23th, 2016 – 2 :43 AM

> Good night my love.

 November 26th, 2016 – 7 :59 AM

>  I miss you.

 December 7th, 2016 – 9 :00 AM

 > You were on the news.

> They have a recent picture of you. You really did get tanned.

> I was right : it makes you look sexier than usual.

 December 7th, 2016 – 11 :28 PM

> You said three days. I’ve been waiting for a month.

December 8th, 2016 – 1 :27 AM

> My heart is broken Jellal. It hurts. It hurts so much.

> Mirajane is worried about me. Laxus says my reactions are justified and that I simply need time.

 December 8th, 2016 – 1 :39 AM

 > You know, I saw him cry yesterday in front of the TV.

 December 8th, 2016 – 1 :46 AM

 > Jellal.

 December 8th, 2016 – 2 :03 AM

 > Jellal, I miss you. Please. Come back.

 December 8th, 2016 – 2 :12 AM

> I love you.

 December 13th, 2016 – 11 :14 AM

> It’s not funny anymore!

> Come back!

 December 13th, 2016 – 11 :23 AM

> Come back and say goodbye, you fucker!

> You’re nothing but a stupid liar who can’t keep promises!

 December 13th, 2016 – 11 :44 AM

> I hate you!

 December 13th, 2016 – 11 :52 AM

 > Stop playing and come back…

 December 16th, 2016 – 4 :47 AM

> You’ll come back, right?

> It’s not a big deal.

> Everything’s okay. Yes.

> Have I told you that I loved you?

 December 18th, 2016 – 1 :38 PM

> I was clearing up your things when I came across a little box.

> I remember this ring.

> You did this one purpose, right? You wanted me to find it?

> You can’t do this to me.

> You can’t!

 December 19th, 2016 – 6 :17 AM

> How am I supposed to feel? What do I need to do?

 December 19th, 2016 – 6 :21 AM

 > I’m going mad without you. And I feel empty.

> If I had known that I’d have to live such pain, I...

> … No, I have no idea what I would have done…

> … I feel like a part of my soul was ripped away from me…

 December 19th, 2016 – 6 :45 AM

>… Jellal…

> … What did you do to me?

 December 19th, 2016 – 5 :21 PM

 > I love you. I love you.

> I hate you.

> I loathe you…

> …So come back…

> … My god, I love you Jellal…

 December 21th, 2016 – 5 :32 AM

> I dreamed of you last night.

 December 21th, 2016 – 5 :46 AM

> Why do you haunt me like this?

> A month has passed and…

> … God, it’s still painful to see your face on the pictures…

> … or even to hear your name…

> … everything’s hell without you but you know that now, no?

 December 23th, 2016 – 12 :26 AM

> Selfish.

 December 23th, 2016 – 1 :05 AM

> Asshole.

 December 24th, 2016 – 9 :10 AM

> Jellal. My love.

 January 1st, 2017 – 12 :00 AM

> Happy new year. I love you. Come back to me in good shape.

 January 4th, 2017 – 11 :17 AM

> A funeral is scheduled tomorrow. I don’t want to go.

> It’d be like accepting this ridiculous situation.

 January 5th, 2017 – 8 :41 PM

> It was a beautiful ceremony. Something worthy of you.

> Everyone was there. Everyone that you loved.

 January 5th, 2017 – 8 :58 PM

> I had never seen Ultear cry before

 January 5th, 2017 – 8 :41 PM

> I cried too. I didn’t know I even had tears left in my body.

 January 19th, 2017 – 4 :40 PM

> I’m scared that I’ll forget you.

 January 19th, 2017 – 4 :53 PM

> I don’t want to forget you.

 January 24th, 2017 – 10 :00 AM

> I thought I had seen you at the curve in the driveway but I must have been hallucinating.

> It’s alright.

> I’ll be alright.

February 7th, 2017 – 12 : 37 PM

 > I’m still waiting for you. I love you Jellal. Come back quickly.

#my translation #fairy tail #jellal fernandes #erza scarlet #jerza #jellal x erza #one-shot #fanfiction #series: Kaat Translates #gods-tears98 #mentions of: ultear milkovich + natsu dragneel + mirajane strauss + laxus dreyar #mentions of: miraxus

[c-rankin93]

SHE'S NO YOU - Ch.2

Word count: 3100+

A/N: keep in mind in know that in 2016, the 6th of Dec wasn’t a Saturday. But ignore that like I have haha! & also this was originally 2 different chapters, but I combined them & I might do that with a few more so there isn’t so many chapters.

I’m glad that people have liked the first chapter. The drama hasn’t even started Unfolding yet! ✔✔❤❤

As usual: oversee the grammar and spelling mistakes I make. I’m not the best editor 🖕

– CHAPTER TWO: BIRTHDAY BLUES –

RAE POV:

Before I knew it Monday came around, and to say that I was excited to see my babies was an understatement. It had been two miserable days of not seeing their darling faces creating havoc around the house. I missed cleaning up after them, snuggling with Ruby at night when she couldn’t sleep, cooking with Joshua when wanted to bake.

In those two days I moped around the house, cleaning spotless bench tops, re-washing all the linen in the cupboards, and having lunch with Greg on the Sunday before he went to Los Angeles to see his sister for a week.

Since the kids school was only a few blocks away I decided to forgo the taxi and pick them up by foot. I even considered stopping at a small ice cream bar to give the kids a treat. It may have been the middle of November but I didn’t mind a little ice cream here or there.

I replaced my black stilettos for some ankle boots but left my work attire on, only putting thick white peacoat and black scarf over top. I grabbed my handbag and keys from the kitchen bench before locking up.

It was a bonus that I got to work half my days at home instead of being cooped up in a stuffy office for hours on end. Being a senior architect and a boss meant I could mold my own hours and delegate my work load. My boss and owner of the company, Chloe was an incredible lady and not much older then me. When I started working for her straight after collage, her business was just starting off.

Being only 5 years my senior meant that she turned into one of my closest friends. She was there visiting me at the hospital when both my children were born, and one of the people holding me up when my marriage broke. Apart from her, and my best friend Izzy, she was the only other person I trusted that wasn’t family.

The walk to columbia grammar and preparatory school only took about 20 minutes or so, it was a nimble walk along the streets of the upper west side. Finn refused to send our children to any other place stating ‘it’s what’s best for our children’s education’ and I couldn’t agree more.

It was a private school full of privileged young youths, the tuition alone per year was more then buying a house. But when it came to their learning money wasn’t a problem. It was one of the places Finn’s company donated heavily too, he was also on the board of trustees and a former student.

I opened the door to ruby’s class room and gathered with the other parents in the corner as the teacher was talking to the students.

“Hey Rachel” whispered another mom to the left of me, she was a sweet women that wasn’t short of bedazzling herself with stunning diamonds.

“Hi Rebecca, how’s your day?” I replied with a hushed whispered and shuffled closer to her so I didn’t disturb the class.

“Oh you know same old, same old. Patrick begs me to stay at home and keep my feet up until miss Isabella makes her grand entrance, he’s like a broken record that man” she smiles rubbing her, very round tummy. I looked at the 40-something year old in amazement, her hair prim and proper, with wonderful designer clothing and a kind hearted smile upon her face. It was rare to meet genuine people in New York. It reminded me to set up a coffee date with her sometime soon.

“Listen to your husband Rebecca, Patrick’s right you should put your feet up more often. You won’t be able to do it when she comes along” I tutted and chuckled quietly at my authority.

“Yeah maybe but I’ll be so bored. I need to be doing something or I feel like I’m going crazy”.

“I know how you fe-”

I was interrupted by the feel of a tiny body constricting themselves around my legs in joy. Her little pony tail bouncing with her movement when Ruby began jumping lightly on the balls of her feet. A smile radiated my face, leaning down I wrapped an arm around Ruby’s back and cuddle my little girl close.

“I missed you too sweety” I whispered softly into her ear and returned to my stand position.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow Rebecca, I’ve got to get going to Josh’s classroom” I learned over a pecked her cheek in Farwell. “Bye brody” I patted her sons head as they both smiled and waved goodbye.

After collecting ruby’s bag and coat, we headed down the hall to Josh’s class. Her tiny hand secure in mine as we walked side by side through the busy corridor.

Josh was already waiting for us by the door as he talking to one of his teachers, Mr Holden.  He was a bubbly old man, who talked years of wisdom. Josh was fond of the old guy, admired him almost. He made sure Josh kept his grades impeccable and in exchange he would tell Josh all about his time teaching in France, Ireland and Australia.

“Hi mom” beamed my little man, then said a quick goodbye to the teacher who waved at me.

“How was dad’s house?” I was a bit sceptical on how the weekend went after ruby’s little breakdown.

“Awesome!” He beamed. “We had so much fun! Dad took us out for tea, went to the park and even the zoo mom. The ZOO!”.

“It would of been better if you were there” I could barely hear the whisper that was muttered by Ruby. My heart broke again after hearing her soft words. I knew they weren’t meant for my ears, so I decided not to speak up.

We headed towards the little ice cream bar that was situated between our house and the school. Even with New Yorks chilly temperature the place was still bursting with people. It took us 20 minutes for us to place our order (Ruby with a scoop of vanilla bean and sprinkles, Josh with a scoop of raspberry swirl and I deciding on a scoop of cookies and cream). We chose to eat and walk, the kids talking about the rest of the weekend and school today and I filling them in on my lonely adventures without them.

By the time we arrived home our bellies were full and the cold finally getting to us, Ruby snuggled closer into my leg as I fished into my bag to retrieve the keys.

The rest of the night was full of laughter and a light tea before both the kids and I curled up in my king size bed and dozed off.

-

The rest of the month flew by fast and before I knew it, it was already the 5th of December. Finns mood stayed placid but he didn’t speak to me or step foot into my house after I kicked him out. He’s grumpiness was obvious on his face, but I was glad the smart ass kept his usual comments to himself.

Greg had popped over several times after work when he came back from his sisters house. He only stayed one of those nights, to which I was grateful for. Our relationship sometimes felt more like a friendship and I was comfortable with that. I wasn’t ready to give my heart to someone else after a messy divorce.

If i was being honest, I wasn’t completely over my ex-husband. I probably never will be. He swept me off my feet when I was only 18, I was new to college life and Izzy convinced me that our first week should be spent drinking until our livers gave out. I being the pushover I am agreed and somehow we found ourself at a prat party.

Finn approach me and asked me to dance, and I being a typical freshman fell for his charms and instantly in love. It was just my luck that he reciprocated my feelings and for the next 12 years out life was bliss. Until it wasn’t, until he broke my heart in the worst possible way.

Joshua’s 8th birthday was tomorrow and it was my turn to have him. I hadn’t planned anything big, but I couldn’t wait to surprise him with a visit to the Rockefeller centre to go ice skating, then to travel to my parents house over in New Jersey for a family tea. He wasn’t a fussy child and the simple things in life is what made him happy. I’m glad that even though he grew up around money he doesn’t demand to be spoilt.

I was lucky to have both humble and nurtured children. Money buys power, to which their father had Alot of, and still with the world at their feet they would rather have a simple gift then an extravagant one. I guess they inherited my way of thinking, I had always told them money can’t buy love.

-

By 7am the next morning the house was alive, the birthday boy had made sure of that. His excitement for the days events were contagious and I couldn’t help by smile everytime his eyes lit up after opening one of his presents.

Blueberry waffles were still steaming hot on the counter top as I prepared the cream and chocolate sauce. It was a breakfast I disapproved of, but today was Josh’s day and he had practically begged for days on end for them. Who was I to say no? How could I even say no?

Just as I was about to call the kids to the dinning room table the door bell chimed. I looked at my watch seeing it was only 8.14am.

'Who on earth could that be?’ I thought to myself as I dusted off my hands and made my way to the door. My Mom and Step-Dad knew we were coming to their house today, same with my older brother Robert.

Izzy surely wouldn’t be out of bed this early on a Saturday morning, plus she was at a franchise meeting in LA to both her and the kids dismay. They loved their aunty Iz, who had a habit of feeding their bellies full of white chocolate muffins. Also, Chloe was meeting us at the ice skating rink with her two bubbly children. So we weren’t expecting company.

Shocked couldn’t even describe my emotion when I opened that door to see my ex-husband and his new hussy standing there on the door step.

His impeccable dark blue wash suit was tailored to perfection as aways, hair greased back leaving it slightly wet, which could also be said about my panties.

Olivia looked stunning as always, and it made me sick. Her newly short platinum blonde hair was styled into a quirky quiff, her slim figure dressed in a perfect two toned grey and white stripped knitted dress that stopped just before her knees. She added black boots, a grey coat and a beautiful necklace hung around her neck.

I internally groaned when I assessed my own attire of, black leggings I pulled from my draw and a old, baggy OASIS top which I stole off Finn in my junior year at college. It was stretched beyond belief because of the two pregnancies I endured and the neck line kept slipping off my shoulder. No doubt my hair was still a tangled mess on top of my head, actually I was a mess from head to toe and they were the perfect couple. But just to add insult to injury, I remember that I didn’t even bother to put on a bra this morning. Great, just great.

“What are you doing here?” I tried my hardest to cover up as much of my top as I could, I didn’t want to look like a desperate ex-wife still mourning the loss of her husband. But the look in his eye told me he had already noticed what top I decided to wear.

“I came to see my son on his birthday Rae. Is that alright with you?” I rolled my eyes and ignored Olivia’s snickering. I stood to the side and allowed them both to come in, as much as I wanted to slam the door in their faces I knew that Josh would want to see his dad.

The kids where currently in Josh’s room playing the Xbox game I got him, so I excused myself to notify them that their dad was here to see them.

The moment their little eyes connected with their fathers they came running down the stairs and engulfed Finn in a giant hug nearly knocking him to the ground.

Josh started talking a mile a minute explaining to Finn all the exciting things that he had gotten already. I could see Finn smile as he watched his son, causing a small ache with on my heart. These moments are the ones I missed, when we would spend time as a family.

I knew that Finn had already given Josh his present when they had seen him after school on Thursday so I was a little shocked to see him pull two small gift box’s from his coat and hand them to both the kids. I didn’t stick around to see the cute expressions they made when they opened them, it still hurt to much.

“Dad, mom cooked our favourite breakfast today! And made home made chocolate sauce” Josh spoke excitedly, “dad, are you staying for breakfast? Please, please say you are!”

Finn, Josh and Ruby looked to me expectedly as I stood awkwardly in the kitchen. I nodded my head silently and listened to the kids cheer.

“But finny, we have a plane to catch” Olivia whined. It was the first thing she had said since she arrived, and I wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

“Liv it’s a private plane! I’ll just ring the airport and delay it by an hour” Finn spoke softly, but I couldn’t help but pick up on his cool tone. Olivia continued to whine like a 3 year old about keeping to a schedule and I didn’t have time to listen. I just continued to busy myself with setting the table.

They all gathered around my mahogany 6 seater table in the dinning room. Finn and Olivia sat together on one side, and the kids, and I sat on the other. Never had I felt this awkward in my own home, between Olivia scrunching her nose up the waffles, and the kids in a in-depth conversation with Finn, I just felt alone. This wasn’t the family breakfasts I dreamt of when I was a teen. Silently, I sat there nibbling on a few bits of freshly cut fruit. Wishing I could disappear.

“Mommy?” Ruby whispered, disconnecting me from my thoughts and bringing me back to reality, not realising I zoned out.

“Yeah baby” I cooed stroking her soft light brown hair smiling.

“Why is Olivia here?” I turned to my daughter and leaned closer to her.

“Ugh- well sweety. She is your daddy’s girlfriend and she wants to see you guys. It’s Josh’s birthday and he’s extremely happy having them here. Why do you ask?”.

“She doesn’t like us very much” Ruby muttered, “she always says we get in the way”.

I focused on my breathing, reminding myself that today was Josh’s day and I couldn’t ruin it by jumping over the table and strangling the bitch to death.

“Like I said sweetie your going to have to talk to your dad about that”.

“Talk to me about what?” We swung our heads towards Finn not realising that our conversation was being heard. I felt ruby’s small hands latch onto mine in a death grip.

“Well… Umm… I think it’s something you and Ruby should talk about that- in private” I explained sending a small smile to Ruby.

“And why is that?” Olivia butted in. I could see the annoyance etched on her face.

“Because it’s a private matter between him and his daughter that’s why” I narrowed my eyes on the witch, but kept my voice light. She had no right to butt in on this conversation.

“Oh please save me the sob story. You just want to spin lies to my Finn don’t you!” Olivia spat. Her words echo in my head over and over again. Her Finn. I felt my heart break all over again.

“I would never, ever do that! You have no ri-”.

“Enough!” Finn bellowed, his face tinted red in anger.

“Olivia, I’ll meet you in the car” Finn hissed, ignoring her complaints. She huffed and stormed off; slamming the front door behind her.

“Kids do you think I can talk to your mom for a minute?” They both nodded and went back up into room after I kissed them on their heads.

“What exactly was that about Rae!” I cringed at his toned. He leant over the table, his eyes boaring into mine. I looked away deciding the left over fruit on my plate looked particularly interesting.

“I think you need to speak with Ruby, Finn. I’ve told her too, but she is too scared” I sighed, “and that is what I tried to explain to your girlfriend”.

“I’ll deal with Olivia later Rae, don’t bring her up”.

“Why did you have to bring her here! To my house! I understand you wanting to see Josh but you know how we feel about each other. And you still-” Finn abruptly got up from his chair and walked around the table until he was standing right next to me. Yanking me by my arm lightly, Finn dragged me to my feet.

“You left me remember! You packed your shit and left with my fucking kids in the middle of my business trip. So don’t you dare go there!” He hissed causing me to flinch back.

“You were so heart broken that you moved Olivia in 6 months later” I scoffed, “you know what just leave please. This is Josh’s day! And I don’t want it ruined by a silly little argument. So please just go say goodbye and hop on that plane of yours and go… your good at that” I barely whispered the last words before I fled.

Out of all the deceitful things Finn had done to me in the 2 years since our divorce, this took the cake. I could deal with his hateful words, but for him to bring her into my home… That was unacceptable. To let her talk to me like that in front of our children. I was done.

There was no use hiding my tears in the bathroom I barricaded myself in. I needed to get this pitty party over with, because today wasn’t the day for a mental break down.

'Why wasn’t I good enough Finn?’

——–

@mmfdfanfic @lily-pop-2 @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus @I88cym - Im sorry I tried everything to try and tag you but it won’t work.

———–

#mmfd #my mad fat diary #my mad fat fandom #my mad fat diary fan fiction #fanfic #fan fiction #new york #rae #finn #nelson #olivia #josh #ruby #fighting #divorce #mmfdfanfic

[gobigorgohome2016]

Training Cycle Recap

I made it!  

Truthfully, I think everyone’s “A” goal for any race should be to make it through the training cycle - and to the starting line - healthy, happy, and emotionally prepared to race.  We put so much emphasis on time goals that we rarely see the big picture:  just getting to the starting line is a feat within itself.  

Without a doubt, this training cycle has been my best since when I hit my OTQ.  When I look at the big picture, that is. In October, I didn’t really have the US half champs on my radar as being my *big* race.  I thought it was going to be cross country, and I put the 15k and half champs on schedule figuring if I had a good race at xc and subsequently ran at worlds, I would cross those two off my list.  

But, if I look back I see now how Houston, xc champs, and the 15k were all key components in making this entire training cycle something really special for me.  I have learned so much about myself, my needs, my strengths, and my weaknesses that I would be content to say this has been my most successful cycle yet.  

Mileage Consistent, high mileage is kind of my jam.  But, consistent high mileage without quality does not a great runner make.  I topped out this training cycle with a few 95/96 mile weeks while balancing high-quality track work.  My highest mileage week ever is 115, so it was a little on the “low” end for me, but I think it was important for helping me develop consistent leg speed in the 4:40 - 5:10 speed range.  

I looked at the last 6 months (this training cycle started at the end of October), and I have run just over 2,000 miles.  Even though I thought this was a period of “low” mileage, it’s only ~70 fewer miles total than during the 6 months leading up to the Houston half in 2016, where I ran my PR.  A big difference between that cycle and this cycle is that I now incorporate strength work, core, and track work, whereas before I was exclusively doing marathon pace and 10k effort.  

Since the end of November I have been above 75 mpw, and with only a few exceptions, I have completed a 20 mile long run every weekend since December 11th.  This cycle has definitely balanced my strengths (high mileage, 20 mile long runs) with my weaknesses (being comfortable at top-end speed) quite well.  

Best/Worst Workouts It seems like cheating to say that a tempo was one of my best workouts of the cycle, since tempos are my bread and butter, but I would definitely say that my 5 mile tempo the Thursday after the 15k champs was one of my best of the cycle.  I was TIRED but I still cranked out 5:27 pace for 5 miles on crushed gravel, on a moderately windy day, to run 27:14. 

My best non-tempo workout was probably my final 400 m or mile repeat workout.  A few weeks ago I did 6 x mile on crushed gravel in 5:12, 5:09, 5:12, 5:09, 5:09, 5:07.  That was definitely out of my comfort zone.  I also did 10 x 400 m in 72, 72, 72,72, 72, 72, 72, 72, 71, 70 on a stupidly windy day.  Actually, all of my track work has been in 12 - 20 mph wind, and I’m kind of ready to never do a track workout in wind again.  

My “worst” workout was 5 x mile on the track on a windy day.  I couldn’t get under 5:25 to save my life, and i think my slowest repeat was 5:35.  It definitely made me question whether some of my other workouts had been a fluke, but later that week I ran a great fartlek so I got over it.  

Lessons So many.  

I’m still learning how to balance my life in the best way possible.  A lot of people wonder why I just don’t get a “real” job now, take some time away from high level training, and come back full speed right before the trials. 

For me, this period in between qualification windows is the “off-season.”  I am nowhere near as good as I want to be, but I know that the only way to get there is to train as if I already am.  I might lose this opportunity tomorrow.  Everyday I hear about friends who are diagnosed with terrible diseases, who one day wake up and decide they no longer want to run, or for who life just simply got in the way.  Of course there have been times where I have questioned what I am doing, and why, but ultimately this training cycle was a good one for reminding me that I have been given an incredible opportunity and I don’t want to waste a single day.  

I also learned an important lesson that I never in a million years thought would have applied to me:  I don’t eat enough to sustain my training. 

I think my low point, in terms of energy and recovery, came right around the xc champs.  I didn’t feel great at that race, but i think it’s safe to say that no one did.  I recovered terribly.  I had to take two weeks of no workouts because my legs just couldn’t handle it.  I didn’t get my period that month. 

Also during that time I went into post-big race mode and Dave and I ate out quite a bit.  Every time I ate more than normal, I would have a great run the next day.  I started putting the pieces together that I needed to reevaluate my needs.  I began tracking my calories and macro/micro nutrients and realized I was severely under-fueling.  This was by no means purposeful, but when you’re working out 2 - 3 times per day and have dietary restrictions it’s just going to be tough.  

With a few adjustments I started feeling better than ever before.  Initially I gained weight, which, truth be told, freaked me out a little bit.  However, I value performance far more than a number on a scale, and the best workouts of my life came at my highest weights.  My period also got back on a 28 day cycle.  

Another lesson is that I drink too much caffeine.  As much as I want coffee to be part of my pre-race routine, it simply cannot be.  I perform MUCH better when I drink green tea.  I have found that when I drink coffee, I can’t get my heart rate up.  I think this is actually perfect for long runs, but not so good for when I’m trying to run an all-out effort.  

About 3 weeks ago I was struggling again with inflammation.  The scale was creeping up every day, and I had gained ~4 lbs in a week and my body/legs felt lousy.  I couldn’t figure out what I was doing differently.  Then, I thought about my daily routine:  no water, just black tea, green tea, or coffee ALL DAY.  In a typical day, I have 4 cups of coffee or ~8 - 10 cups of tea.  I stop drinking caffeine around 7 or 8 PM.  I decided to see what would happen if I drank just one cup of caffeine in the morning, and then only drank water the rest of the day.  Within 3 days I was back to my normal weight and feeling a lot better.  I later read that there are compounds in coffee and black tea (catechins, I think?) that, while healthy, still require ~1 gallon of  water to flush entirely from your liver and kidneys.  I kind of wonder if I was overdoing it with the tea/coffee to the point I was dehydrating myself.  Fortunately, I didn’t have any caffeine withdrawals, and honestly don’t feel like I *need* caffeine to get my day going. 

I tried to nap more during April, but realized that napping just doesn’t work for me anymore.  If I nap during the day, I can’t fall asleep at night and wind up going to bed after midnight and waking up at 9 or 10.  If I don’t nap, I fall soundly asleep at 10:30 and am up at 7:30, which I much prefer.  I used to nap a lot before I took my food sensitivity test, but the changes in my diet have either caused me to be less tired (fatigue is a sign of food sensitivities), or the timing just correlated with me being better able to handle my training/work load.  

Races I race quite a bit, and this training cycle definitely was a reflection of that.  

November - Turkey Trot 10k, 35:35, 1st place, 5:43 pace I was bummed because the year prior I had run 35:20, but that’s kind of a dumb thing to worry about, in retrospect.  It was a good rust buster. 

December - Resolution Run 5k, 17:19, 1st place, 3rd OA, 5:34 pace I really wanted to break 17:00 but it wasn’t in the cards on a super cold/windy day.

January - Houston Half, 1:16:43, 18th place, 5:51 pace I was irrationally bummed that on a day with 96% humidity and strong winds I didn’t run faster.  Again, hindsight is 20/20. 

February - XC Championships, 38:06, 20th place, 6:07 pace I was disappointed.  Lots of travel for what felt like a missed opportunity.  Had I run ~12 seconds faster I would have qualified for a championship race in FL. But, this race sparked a turning point for my season.  

March - 15k Championships, 52:49, 17th place, 5:39 pace  I went into this race with a different plan:  go out hard and hold on.  I went through 5k in a PR (16:58), and 10k in a PR (34:42), and held on the final 5k.

April - Spring Into Fitness 10k, 34:26, 1st place OA, 5:33 pace This was my final tempo of the training cycle.  Very happy with this, especially considering the huge hills (my 5th mile was 5:55 due to one climb!)

I noted that I thought xc was a turning point for me.  After this race, I met with my coach and we talked training.  He helped me identify a few adjustments that needed to be made:

-no less than 4 hours between runs (I was especially bad about this when daylight was scarce) -more top-end speed work -more balance in my training plan

I also identified a few areas of my own that needed adjustment, particularly a sense of guilt I had been feeling towards my training.  I had fallen into a rut of doing things that left me feeling guilty at the end of the day.  For instance, deciding not to do my 2nd run of the day, eating half a tray of peanut butter bars that I knew for a fact were made with soy, not getting enough sleep, etc.  I would justify these things as, “if this ONE instance derails my training, then I’m doing something wrong” but, to be honest, all of those “one” instances were starting to add up.  One week of 5 less miles isn’t going to make or break me.  But, when I was doing it 3 weeks in a row and suddenly I’ve lost 15 miles of training, that does matter over time.  The peanut butter bars aren’t a big deal, except when I can’t finish my run because my stomach cramps are too bad and I know there isn’t a bathroom nearby, because Indy has no public restrooms (a topic for another day).  Happens once?  whatever.  But it was becoming a habit that I needed to break.  

I decided no more guilt.  I'm not going to lie and say “no more guilt” meant that I broke free of mental constrains and blah blah blah.  But no, no more guilt meant I woman’d up and just stopped behaviors that I knew were detrimental.  I feel like many people will want to read something like, “I worked out less, ate more sweets, and saw the best results ever” but that wasn’t my reality.  

Injuries/Illnesses Part of what made this training cycle so successful was a relative lack of setbacks.  Since October, I have  taken 9 total days off:  2 because I was sick, 2 for travel to/from Oregon, 2 for an Achilles issue in December, 2 for a plantar issue in March, and the other was when my mileage was low and I didn’t need the extra training day.  

My achilles issue was promptly taken care of by my massage therapist. 

My foot issue was a little more stubborn.  I was actually pretty concerned I had a neuroma or a stress reaction, but again my massage therapist saved the day and it turned out to be some tightness in my plantar that was causing pain near my 2nd metatarsal.  This issue affected me for about 2 weeks before and after the 15k championships.  My foot actually went numb with about 2 miles left in that race, which had me convinced I had a nerve issue.  Ultimately, I think I wore a pair of running shoes about a week too long.  

In contrast, my last training cycle probably went a week too long.  I stood on the starting line at the 10 miler with a really bad back, and that course beat me up.  Prior to that was the trials, where I was in massive denial about the things my body was experiencing, particularly in my entire right leg.  I’m even healthier than I was before the Twin Cities marathon, when I had a slight hamstring and IT band issue.  

Taper My taper for this race has been going really well.  In high school we didn’t call it taper, we called it “peaking,” which I much prefer.  I don’t drastically cut my mileage.  I ran 96 miles two weeks ago, last week I ran a total of 79, and this week will be ~60 with the race and nothing on Sunday.  The majority of my “taper” comes from less volume on workout and long run days.  Otherwise, I still run the same, just maybe a mile or two less.  

Goals My goal is to PR on Saturday (sub-74:03).  I am ready.  When things get tough in the race I want to remind myself to be a gritty bitch and to run as if I’ve already achieved my ultimate goal, which is to break 2:30:00 in the marathon.  

What’s Next? Remember how I’m actually a marathoner?  Well, I will be making a return to the marathon in December!  CIM is hosting the US Marathon Championships, so that will be my first 26.2 since the trials.  I also plan to race the 20k and 10 mile championships in the fall, and will do the Monumental half as my tune up.  I am not-so-secretly hoping to dip under 73 minutes at Monumental so that I can just knock my trials qualifier out of the way.  My goal at CIM will be to go under the (yet unannounced) A standard.  

In the immediate future, I’m looking forward to a bit of a break.  I have been grinding since last May without more than a week off from training, which I took in October after the 10 miler.  I will take two weeks completely off, and so far we have the following things planned:

-short vacation post-race on Saturday/Sunday.  Dave and I are trying to make a memory in each of Indiana’s 92 counties, so we are going to knock off 5 this weekend with casino visits, lunches/dinners at new restaurants, and a trip to Clify Falls.  Other things include: -bike ride to Graeter’s for ice cream -Fogo de Chao for lunch -coffee festival -no nutrient tracking, going to bed early, limiting caffeine, or eating kale -deep clean our house (this only happens during breaks) -eat all the pastries at the farmer’s market -drink all the beer that has been in my fridge for months -go to Burger Haus -eat the JB burger at Big Woods -start my container garden -binge watch Golden Girls

My vacation starts today and I am excited.  I am nervous, in that way you get nervous when you know you’re about to do something hard but you also know once it is over you will feel the most amazing sense of satisfaction.  I am excited to see what my body is capable of.  I am excited to be faced with that opportunity during a race to either give in or push, and see what all of the training I have done outside of my comfort zone allows me to do.  I know that I am on the brink of a breakthrough, and while there are no guarantees that the breakthroughs happen on the day that you want, I know that I have trained to the point that even a bad day will be better than a previous bad day.  I am going to stand on the starting line on Saturday with no watch, no real race plan, and no expectations, other than knowing that my legs and my competitive fire will not let me down.