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chrasilla · 2 months

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angst prompts

"They won't wait for you forever. So you need to decide if all your resentment and pride is worth losing them for good."

"You're everything to me, but clearly I was just a short phase in your life."

"I just want you to be happy." "The only way you can make me happy is by staying far away from me."

"I miss you, but I miss me more."

"You from the beginning we had an expiry date."

"You shouldn't be with me. " "I know. Yet here I am."

"I must have loved you in another life." "But not in this one?"

"You could stay, for me." "That's not enough for me to stay."

"I always thought I'd be someone's first choice, but I'm not even in your top five, am I?"

"I love you, but I barely know you. I don't think you even know yourself."

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vwritesaus · 9 months

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The first thing Thomas notices is that he is standing in a well-lit room. Sunlight streams in through large arched windows, casting long rays along the floor and opposite walls from which framed paintings hang. He can’t make out any of the faces, most of them blurred or faded from age, but he can see every miniature groove in the elaborate frames carved with fleurs-de-lis, tiny leaves and rose petals. The second thing he notices is Alastair Carstairs sitting sideways on one of the window seats of those arched windows, his back leaning against the edge of the arch and one foot planted firmly on the seat, the toes of the other grazing the wooden flooring. His attention is fixed on the world beyond the glass panes—a streaked mass of fluffy clouds and a blue sky stretching for miles—and his expression is contemplative, almost serious. That attention quickly turns to Thomas, possibly having sensed his presence, and something close to coyness blooms to life in his expression. ‘Lightwood,’ he greets politely. When Thomas blinks and doesn’t respond—too shocked to do so, because Alastair Carstairs is talking to him? To Tiny Tom, willingly?—Alastair rolls his eyes. He swings his whole body around to face him, both feet on the floor and his gaze fierce. ‘Well?’ he prods. ‘Are you simply going to stand there like a cad, or are you going to come here and sit beside me?’

continue reading on ao3

hello!! long time no see, haha...

but here i am, and i bring with me a little fic i wrote for my wonderful best girl @drunkonimagination for her birthday back in july ✨✨ it's based off this art of hers where thomas dreams of kissing alastair, only to get rather the rude awakening lol. hope you enjoy it!!

tagging people who might be interested: @ibrushmyteeth-donttellanyone @ferrari-go-vroom-vroom @astriefer @luciehercndale @claritywithclary @bluewrite

let me know if you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list!!

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caterpillarinacave · 1 year

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Good morning, I need to hear TID headcannons

#TLH headcannons work to #Or RWBY #i need angst broskis #off topic #Tid #Tlh #tsc #thomastair

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laylax13s · 10 months

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Chapters: 1/20 Fandom: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Alastair Carstairs/Charles Fairchild, Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Jesse Blackthorn/Lucie Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/Matthew Fairchild, Ariadne Bridgestock/Anna Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock/Eugenia Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock & Alastair Carstairs & Eugenia Lightwood, Alastair Carstairs & Thomas Lightwood, Grace Blackthorn/Christopher Lightwood Characters: Alastair Carstairs, Thomas Lightwood, Charles Fairchild, Cordelia Carstairs, James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild, Lucie Herondale, Jesse Blackthorn, Grace Blackthorn, Christopher Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock, Anna Lightwood, Sona Carstairs, Elias Carstairs, Jem Carstairs, Zachary Carstairs Additional Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Crack, Crack, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Fanfiction, Song: Boys Don't Cry (The Cure), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Eventual Fluff, Drama & Romance, Drama, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Boarding School Summary:

enemies to friends to lovers to strangers to lovers :)) dramaaaaa (and fluff ofc ofc) minimal smut (i had to) light angst read the tags!!

"Imagine eternity, doesn't seem that long They say nothing lasts forever We'll have to prove them wrong" @all-for-the-fanfiction @life-through-the-eyes-of @prayers0for0rain

#alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #thomastairs #tlh fanfiction #the last hours fanfiction #thomastair fanfiction #thomas x alastair #enemies to lovers #fluff #smut #angst with a happy ending

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lifewouldbebetteronmars · 2 years

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TLH A/B/O AU

Summer of Angst 2022 Masterlist

Title from Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Everyone’s Rankings:

Alastair - Alpha

Thomas - Omega

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before I Say Goodbye, My Star in the Sky

“Lassie, our son needs you. I’ll be okay.” Thomas panted out from behind the oxygen mask the nurses had pushed onto his face as his levels started to drop.

He looked so tired, bruises had formed under his eyes, much more prominent with the pale tone his skin had taken. Thomas was as white as a sheet, his whole body covered in a sheen of sticky sweat.

There was blood everywhere, Thomas’s blood. It was Thomas’s blood everywhere.

Alastair had done that to him. It was all his fault.

“Tom-” he tried to speak but the nurse/doctor/whoever was pushing him out of the room, effectively interrupting him.

“Mr. Carstairs, you need to go now. We’ll take care of him.” they said before slamming the door of the room in his face. He just needed to trust that everything would be okay.

Alastair walked out of the surgery wing in a panicked daze, trying to find his way back to the waiting room to update their family.

The waiting room was absolutely packed with people. Lightwoods, Carstairs, Herondales, Fairchilds, etc. It seemed like everyone they knew was there.

“Dâdâsh?” Cordelia said, looking overly concerned for him from her spot next to Lucie.

Everyone’s eyes turned to him, overwhelming him more than he already was. It gave him an opportunity to look around at everyone and their reaction.

Gideon and Sophie Lightwood looked as distraught as he felt (and probably looked, if he was being honest).

Eugenia was standing with them, trying to look strong. She was the big sister, she had to be strong. Alastair knew the feeling

Grace and Christopher were sitting with Kamala, Grace sitting between them looking half-asleep. They’d been here for hours, it made sense that they would be tired.

Even Matthew and James had showed up, though they hadn’t spoken a word to him since they arrived. Typical.

“Alastair? Are you alright, son? What’s happened? Is it Thomas?” Gideon was now next to him, a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Alastair could feel the tears starting to form again in his eyes. How could he tell his father-in-law that his son could be dying right now?

“What is it, dear?” It was Sophie speaking to him this time, her tone soothing and calm. A motherly type of tone that Alastair normally appreciated, but right now; he felt undeserving of it.

He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breathe. He was drowning in his head, in his own thoughts.

“Mr. Carstairs?” A voice asked from behind him, unfamiliar but he turned all the same. It was a nurse or a doctor, he didn’t know, or really care.

Alastair nodded, still unable to voice anything.

“Mr. Carstairs, I’m sorry that we need to ask you this, but we need you to do skin-to-skin contact with your baby up in the NICU. To improve his circulation, of course.” The hospital personnel quickly explained, Alastair again nodded in response.

If he couldn’t help his husband, the least he could do was help his son.

Everyone looked distraught as Alastair followed the person to the NICU, ignoring the whispers of his family and friends as he went.

He was lead into the NICU, where he was sat in a rocking chair and asked to unbutton his shirt. Alastair did so in silence, still dazed and lost.

He just barely looked up when his son was handed to him. A small, squirming bundle wrapped in blue. Alastair held him close to his chest, making sure to support him as he’d been taught to do.

Their son was a small baby, as was to be expected, since he was born five weeks away from his due date. Four pounds and five ounces of a delicate little boy, who already looked so much like Thomas, barely two hours after his birth.

Curling brown hair peaked out from under his knitted cap and his expression was a mirrored image of Thomas’s when he slept. Alastair had no doubt their son would be the spitting image of his Omega father as he grew up.

But a nagging thought occurred to Alastair as he looked down at his son.

How can I know how to be a good father when mine was never around?

He’d had this thought throughout the pregnancy, not that he’d ever voiced it aloud to anyone, especially Thomas. He couldn’t tell him, he wouldn’t have understood.

It was Alastair’s worst nightmare, to turn out like Elias, to ruin his son’s life by being a terrible father.

It was easy to pretend it wouldn’t happen when he had Thomas by his side, the love of his life, who always saw the best in him.

How could he do this without Thomas?

Because right now, his husband could be dying. He could become a widower and a single father within the next few minutes.

And the thought of that alone is terrifying.

Alastair’s reverie is broken by the movement of his son on his chest. He was starting to wake up, his cheek nuzzling into Alastair’s chest, clearly seeking more warmth.

He couldn’t contain his gasp as his son’s eyes opened for the first time, one of his hands flying to cover his mouth in shock.

Tears started freely spilling from his eyes, as he looked at his son. Thomas’s son.

He had Thomas’s eyes. His big, beautiful hazel eyes.

It’s going to be okay, Lassie. He could hear Thomas’s voice ringing in his head, trying desperately to overpower the doubts.

He could picture him, looking down at him with those hazel eyes, telling him everything would be okay.

And now Alastair knew he just had to listen to him.

He pulled his son in closer to his body, pressing a delicate kiss to his tiny forehead, watching it wrinkle in response.

The tears were still flowing as he spoke again, whispering to his son.

“Everything is going to be okay, Gideon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Btw their son’s full name is Gideon Zarathustra Lightwood-Carstairs (Zarathustra is an ancient Iranian name meaning golden, which is also what Sona means)

This was my first Alpha!Alastair and Omega!Thomas fic, what did you guys think?

#riley’s tlh a/b/o au #the last hours #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #tw mpreg #tw birth #tw blood #tw medical angst

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sparklestheunicorn · 1 year

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Dear god will herondale is so far the best parts of this book

#tsc #tlh #emily reads chot #chot spoilers #ME!#second to thomastair #nice angst good angst

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alastairstom · 2 months

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Me musing about ChoT and how/why it's divisive despite being an objectively well-crafted story.

So I'm reflecting on Chain of Thorns and why it was so divisive in the fandom despite it being an objectively well-written book overall. The hate(TM) has been generally odd for me to even deeply contemplate over the past 14 months since it's came out because my immediate reaction was "that was a sweet book with an HEA and is now going to be my #1 Comfort Read until I die."

When I logged onto the internet and saw people hating it, it genuinely felt like someone hating on one of those cat calendars Kieran likes. I was BLINDSIDED. And I still honestly struggle to not see it as like a hot-tea-and-chocolate-biscuits read because in my opinion it feels like a warm wrapper going around my shoulders and resting there.

But I'm coming to the conclusion that the reason some people love it and others hate it has to do almost exclusively with what characters you center and prioritize in your experience. I naturally read TLH from the lens of Matthew, Thomastair, and Herondaisy, so when their stories ended on HEAs, my feeling for the book was "OMG the book of happiness and chocolate biscuits. The stuff with the side characters I think less often about is sad and could have been done better but the book is holistically happy."

Coming out of Chain of Thorns, my only real negative feeling initially was "Poor Thomas needs to grieve 2 people he loved most." But I think that people who prioritized Grace and/or Christopher as their own plotlines rather than as parts of others probably didn't really see that happy stuff as comforting. This makes sense. It had nothing to do with their focal point. And I'm kind of starting to grasp why people didn't like it, even if I'm still having the tea-and-biscuits reaction. Because we did not actually experience the same story/care/tone. And a sense we did read different books.

I experienced like, a romantic dramedy angst-with-a-happy-ending cozy read. Others in the fandom experienced an actual tragedy that wasn't executed in the best possible way. It really is no wonder that this book was extremely divisive.

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vashs-posts · 2 years

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I have no idea how Cassie is going to fit in so much in chot

Math and Cordelia in Paris

Tatiana leaving the citadel and creating havoc

Lucy and her necromancy

Luce and Jesse content

James math and Cordelia angst

gracetopher

Grace gets therapy

Belial

thomastairs content

Anna Ariadne content

how and why random items end up at random places for sobh future

Merry thieves content

Lucy Cordelia Parabatai ceremony

Cordelia Lilith paladin turmoil

giving math a happy ending

Characters coming out

Math - Alastair plot lines

Grace and the clave

tid character cameos

lucy- Annabel blackthorn

scholomance 1904 shenanigans (gotsm carvings in ty's room)

I bet there is something I’m missing

I know she will somehow fit everything in, but I wouldn’t mind a 1000 page book either :)

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tys-kitty · 4 months

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Hey new friend! 👀❤️🫶 rank fav SH ships? And why? :)

Hello, sweetheart! ❤️

OMG DON‘T DO THAT TO ME! I just love them all too much to able to rank them! 😭 (But I will try my best for you)

1. KitTy: Okay, that one was pretty obvious! But I just love them both as characters and their dynamic is amazing (I mean the knife to throat at their first meeting? That was iconic). I also just love the angst (I know, arrest me) and the friends-to-lovers trope! I‘m so excited for them in TWP because they have so much potential!

2. Thomastair: They just stole my heart from the moment I read the Paris scene. Their story was so wholesome and I love how they complement each other (Thomas being more confident and Alastair finally being able to be his true self). Their scenes in CHOT were my favourite and arghh I could rant hours about them.

3. Wessa & Herondaisy: Look, I really can‘t choose between those two. They are both relationships that are so dear to me and that have so much angst and miscommunication (two tropes I quite adore). I wish we could have seen more of married and happy Herondaisy in CHOT, but they are one of my favourites nonetheless! As for Wessa: They are such relationship goals (Get yourself a man that talks about books with you and will do everything to save you).

My other favourites would be:

Malec, Blackstairs, Kierarktina, Jessa, Clace

Now I definitely need to know your favorites as well! <33

#that was quite fun actually #but also so hard #i love them all #cassandra clare #kit x ty #thomastair #herondaisy #wessa #hessa #blackstairs #malec #kierarktina #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #clace

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zoyalannister · 4 months

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agree also gideon in the end is protrayed just surprised thomas likes alastair and doesn't hate him, i expected him accepting thomas but being wary of alastair as he was one of the people who spread the rumours of him cheating on sophie, but maybe he doesn't care

also in the end grace is pictured close to anna and ari, and then thomas and alastair are also pictured as close to them, is weird since during the series they barely talk

also the grave scene where they bury things, anna does not bury anything, because she says she likes all her choices, wouldn't grief made her blame herself for kit and made her want to bury something?

the point of leaving gabrily alone to grief does not make sense when gideon and sophie are surrounded by people and are also supposedly grieving, is said sona becomes friends with them as well as flora, so is one more thing that does not make sense in the book

there are other inconsistencies like every adult showing when the battle was finished and ari running to flora and anna staying behind, and then scenes later is mentioned gabriel was there, why did she not go to ther father? or had any reaction? maybe cassandra slipped the name later on as she was mentioning many adults but did not care much of it

the india travel is repeated many times and makes me think she will write a small piece of that, probably centered on ari and making he rhave the angst plot as she is meeting her bio family, i doubt she would center on anna's grief as canonically she stated many times during the epilogue she had not been as happy since she was a child. weird considering anna had accepting and good parents and is never mentioned she grew up sad or anything like that.

Gideon canonically doesn’t care about his family and this is another proof, any normal person wouldn’t be super happy immediately that their son is dating the guy who spread rumors about them cheating on their wife. But hey, Gideon is super loved by the fandom because he generated one half of the most popular ship, so why using logic?

To be honest I like the idea of Grace being close to Anna and Ari, probably they bonded over the fact that they’re the only characters grieving Kit for more than 15 minutes, but I find the idea of Thomastair and AriAnna being friends hilarious. It feels like the book is trying to tell you that gay people are automatically friends, it's not like they have a personality besides their sexual orientation, right?

Anna burying nothing is embarrassing, just CC wanting to show her as the edonistic character, but it looks like it comes from an old draft where Kit didn’t die since it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense also that she was unhappy after childhood, are you fucking kidding me? Her family was well off, she had friends and a supportive family, everyone accepted she was lesbian and proud, she had a lot of sex, why was she unhappy?? It’s never mentioned, but I guess that in CC's vision having a relationship automatically multiplies your happiness.

Don't get me starte about the stupidest and cringiest """"battle""""" ever, Gabriel is probably mentioned just because CC realized at the last second that she needed someone from the TID gang and probably Gabriel was the random picked name. It doesn’t make any sense that Anna doesn’t run to him since it's the first time she sees him since Kit’s death, but this scene would make sense of Kit wasn’t supposed to die.

(Yes, I'll never believe that Kit’s death was planned since it's treated like shit and has no consequence, and obviously Matt and Sona were set up for dying).

As for the TID gang leaving Gabrily alone, I will be more explicit even if I will attract haters: it makes sense to me that they support each other and not Gabrily because they are shit people. They were shits as teenagers, they are shit as adults and the epilogue confirms so.

Anna and Ari will have their novella so CC can cross out the "WW couple" on the checklist for her short stories collection, and as you said it will probably be either about Ari or AriAnna being tourists and nothing of the grief will be mentioned.

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alastair-appreciation-month · 2 years

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Alastember 2022

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Welcome To Alastember! A month celebration of Alastair Esfandiyār Carstairs Birthday! Celebrations start September 1st! Here is the schedule:

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Days 1-7: Fanfic week (drabbles and snippets included!)

September 1st: fluff

September 2nd: hurt/comfort

September 3rd: angst

September 4th: romance

September 5th: songfic

September 6th: friendship(s)

September 7th: one night in Alastair’s life

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Days 8-14: AUs Weeks (fanart, edits, moodboard, fics, drabbles, snippets, playlist, really anything)

September 8th: Royal/Fairytale AU

September 9th: Dystopia AU

September 10th: Mythology AU (Greek, Eypyain, Norse etc.)

September 11th: Body Swap/ or Personality swap AU

September 12th: What if…? AU (Ex: what if Cordelia was the big sister? What if Matthew and Alastair were BFF? What if Thomas did ask Alastair why his eyes look so sad?)

September 13th: Soulmate AU

September 14th: Free Choice (any AU of your choice)

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Days 15-21: Headcanon Week (thoughts, ideas, evaluations, etc.)

September 15th: Carstairs siblings (baby Carstairs included if you want!)

September 16th: Thomastair

September 17th: Alastair and Sona/or Risa

September 18th: Alastair and The Merry Thieves (it can be all TMT or individually with Alastair)

September 19th: Alastair and Elias or Charles (gotta add that angst)

September 20th: Alastair and found Fanon family (Kamala, Eugenia, Grace, Christopher)

September 21st: Alastair and free for all! (Anyone you wish for it to be! Example: Jem)

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Days 22-28: Word Prompt Week (fanart, edits, moodboard, fics, drabbles, snippets, playlist, really anything your heart desires)

September 22nd: Liar

September 23rd: Silver

September 24th: Freedom

September 25th: Began

September 26th: Passion

September 27th: Strengh

September 28th: A word you use to describe Alastair

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Days 29-30: Free for All week

September 29/30th: Do anything Alastair inspired! Whatever your heart desires!

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Please note if you don’t post them on the exact date that’s perfectly fine! Still post it! This is just a organized timeline for everyone! 😊

Tagged us @alastair-appreciation-month with your post and use the tags #alastairappreciationmonth2022 and #alastember2022 so we can reblog your beautiful creations!

LMK @life-through-the-eyes-of if you have questions! Or send an ask through this blog!

🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔🦔

Special thanks too @laylax13s @all-for-the-fanfiction @styxdrawings @shadowhuntertrash for helping with this 💕

#alastairappreciationmonth2022 #Alastember2022 #alastember #alastair appreciation month #alastair carstairs #alastair esfandiyar carstairs #chain of gold #chain of thorns #chain of iron #the last hours #tlh #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles

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vwritesaus · 1 year

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‘Hello? Earth to Costume Guy?’ Alastair pulls himself back to the present, and finds Kit staring at him with a raised eyebrow and his arms crossed over his chest. It dawns on him then that the poor boy has probably been trying to get his attention for a little while. ‘Sorry,’ Alastair mumbles, feeling sheepish. ‘I, uh… sorry, I was…’ Saying nothing, Kit merely uncrosses his arms and makes a gesture with his hands that clearly states want to tell me what that was about? ‘I hear them,’ Alastair says, ‘but I can’t see them. Or gain any idea of where they are and how to get back to them.’ ‘Who? What are they saying?’ ‘My sister. My friends. To—’ Alastair cuts himself off abruptly and clears his throat. ‘They’re discussing our next steps and also how to go about waking me up.’ Kit’s eyes narrow, scrutinising, and his voice mirrors it as he asks, ‘You think you’re dreaming, aren’t you?’ Alastair shrugs helplessly. ‘Wouldn’t you? If you were me?’

hello!! happy December everyone - and what better way to start the month than with some ANGST (looking at you writers of tumblr who've been posting so far - i see you) and a snippet from the thomastair fic that ran away from me? it's very close to being finished - just got a couple more bits to join up!! but here's a little preview before i post the full fic later on this week ✨

an enormous thank you to @astriefer for betaing, all the lovely words of support and encouragement, helping me choose several snippets to share, and just being an awesome human ♡

do let me know what you think :D also let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future updates of this fic!

#the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc #the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #kit herondale #thomastair #thomastair fanfiction #thomastair fic #fanfiction preview #fanfiction #fanfic #time travel #post chain of iron #canonverse #a (too few) hundred hearts #tbh this fic is just me dealing with my thomastair feelings #and also my alastair carstairs feelings

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cant-think-of-anything · 2 years

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Hiiiii, how are you? First of all I wanted to tell you that I love the way you write, I really want to be as good as you. 🥺 Anyways, I was thinking that angst never too much, so I was wondering if it was possible for you, when you're free, to write a Thomastair using that CC prompt where a person was dying and saying something about hiding their love for each other... I just can't find anymore😅

Sorry to disturb you and sorry for my English, it is not my first language, I hope you can have a good time!🥰

Half the reason this took me so long was because I COULD NOT decide on an idea, first they were in the institute, then they were in a train, then they were in paris, I wrote a solid five paragraphs for each idea before I decided I hated it, but it's done!

And I have a hard time following exact dialogue prompts so I loosely followed the words, but the general idea is there

Also thank you so so much it all means a lot to me, it makes me really happy when people say they like my writing <3

tw: implied character death (?) and violence

"Alastair!"

Thomas stood at the foot of The Institute's steps, lingering as the last of the Enclave members filtered out and brushed past him to reach rows of parked carriages. A meeting had been held in an attempt to sort out the business of the recent attack, but more answers had been demanded than answered. Thomas had spent half the time watching the sun inch down through the window.

Now, it was well past sunset, with a faint drizzle that promised rain. Thomas hesitated before calling Alastair's name again and moving forward down the pavement. Alastair, who had nearly made it to the end of the street, slowed and came to a very reluctant stop.

Thomas could read the distrust and hesitance in the tense set of his shoulders. But he drew closer, close enough to touch but far enough that he wouldn't.

Alastair tipped his head back, watching him with dark, expectant eyes.

Thomas stared for a moment, wanting to memorize the feel of Alastair's eyes on him, rapt and careful. They'd barely exchanged more than fleeting glances since the Leviathan attack, and it left a dull ache to settle in Thomas's heart.

"It's late." He said finally, knotting his hands together.

Alastair's lips twitched upward. "I know that."

"It's a long way to your house. It's not safe." Thomas winced when Alastair eyebrow raised and hastily "I know you are beyond capable of defending yourself. But considering how concerned you were for my safety, this only seems fair.”

A pause followed his words before Alastair closed his eyes and muttered “Just leave me be, Thomas.”

Thomas’s gaze flicked over the dark shadows under his eyes, pronounced by the dim streetlights. His heart twisted at the signs of clear exhaustion scrawled over Alastair’s face, but his resolve only hardened.

Thomas shook his head when Alastair’s eyes opened, motioning ahead of them. “We will get caught in a heavy rain if we don’t start soon.”

Alastair made an exasperated noise in the back of his throat but he turned, shoulder brushing Thomas’s chest, and started walking.

—-

Alastair had decided to keep his eyes trained on his own shoes for the entire walk home. Whatever reason Thomas had to insist on accompanying him home did not mean he had to acknowledge him at all. However difficult to ignore that he was.

Instead he picked out the faint noises he could hear from the houses they passed, amplified by Shadowhunter senses. The clattering of plates, music (some good, some unbearable), children laughing.

His house was nearly always silent now. It was difficult to imagine the piano being dusted off and used again or that his unborn sibling could laugh so freely there.

His thoughts felt tangled, torn between bitter jealousy and longing, he quickened his pace on the smooth ice and- he lost his footing.

His heart lurched with violently, his mind releasing a slew of curses that didn’t quite make it to his mouth. He reached out an arm to blindly catch at the railing beside him in panic, but before he managed to, he felt the sudden pressure of something wrapping around him, and pulling him steady on his feet.

Alastair froze, going completely still as his mind caught up with where Thomas’s hands were wrapped around his arm and his waist.

“Careful,” Thomas said quietly.

His arms stayed where they were, and he very clearly seemed to be waiting for a response. Alastair blinked several times before nodding, his mind a haze of how cold it was with the rain beating down faster and how warm it was in the circle of Thomas’s arms. Ridiculous, Alastair thought to himself furiously when Thomas moved away, tilting his head down so that Thomas in all his insufferable height couldn’t see his face.

He stared very determinedly at the patches of ice as he walked, too aware of Thomas’s presence beside him.

“It’s- are you sure you’re okay?” Thomas said sounding a little bewildered.

Alastair slowed, glancing at Thomas. “You caught me.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’ve never seen you lose your footing. I’ve barely seen you get caught off gaurd. You seem very…” He trailed off and gestured vaguely to Alastair’s face. “Distracted.”

“With my sister traipsing around alone in Paris completely vulnerable, and the Enclave finally starting to crumble the one time it's could be useful? Yes, I'm distracted."

"Cordelia isn't alone in Paris."

"She might as well be," Alastair grumbled, shivering slightly when the wind turned bitter. "She-"

Alastair cut himself off, straightening and frowning into the narrow alley they were about to cross.

The chill he'd felt from the wind was replaced with a different sort of chill; one that accompanied adrenaline.

He stopped short, throwing Thomas a warning look and pressing close to the building that surrounded the alleyway. He peered around the corner, feeling a little ridiculous as his eyes adjusted to the dark.

There was a harsh slash between where the streetlight reached and where it did not, but on that border Alastair could see small tendrils of shadows curling out towards the pavement. Shifting his eyes up, he could see the rough, unfamiliar outline of what must have been a demon.

The chill he’d felt ran completely cold. There should’ve been no demon that was unrecognizable to him, to any Shadowhunter, but this one was.

Even if the Academy’s teaching was less than adequate, every child was required to know what they would grow up to fight. This creature wasn’t in any recorded history Alastair had ever studied. And without the knowledge of a demons strengths and, more crucially, it’s weaknesses, even the most skilled fighters had a slim chance.

He pulled back swiftly when the demon stirred, nearly crashing into Thomas. Thomas was looking at the alley with his eyebrows furrowed before he shifted his eyes down to Alastair. He gestured across the street at a footpath that was nestled between two buildings. Alastair’s eyes snagged on the fire escape jutting off the second floor as they began walking, still casting cautious glances back at the alleyway.

"I've never seen a demon like that," Thomas said in a low, tensed voice.

"I haven't either.”

Alastair had already found a foot holding on the rough wall, hoisting himself up onto the rusted fire escape. It was just tall enough to shield from the demon, and he felt nearly dazed in relief when Thomas followed without a protest.

Thomas dropped his head into his hands, his face tense and confused. He had drawn his legs up to fit on the crammed platform. "I don't understand. We've studied every demon in the books but neither of us can recognize this one? How do we kill it without knowing how?" Thomas asked, his head lifting to watch the shadowy, now far away demon.

"We've studied the demons that we've fought. This could be something that only dwells in a different realm and considering that we aren't on the best of terms with any of the Princes of Hell..."

"But why would we become targets? If they really are in Belial's control, wouldn't they be soley attempting to target those who carry his blood?”

Alastair went silent. His hand drifted to the weight pressed against his side. A knot in his chest tightened.

"No," he whispered softly, understanding dawning on him as he reached under his coat and drew out a long, golden sword. A faint glow emitted from the blade that lit up the surprise on Thomas's face. "He would target the people carrying his weakness."

---

Thomas stared - well gaped might've been a better word, at Cortana. He could feel his pulse quicken as his eyes lingered on the sight of the sword in Alastair’s hands and immediately and viciously stopped that line of thought.

There was a dim light that Cortana emitted, one that rested on the uncertainty in Alastair's eyes. The way he was holding the sword, so lightly that it was almost slipping away, made his discomfort clear.

Of course, Thomas thought. It was Cordelia's sword, but a part of Thomas wanted to shake Alastair and remind him that it was his birthright as much as it was hers.

He doubted Alastair would appreciate that gesture though, so he waved his hand weakly at the sword. "If the demon truly is Belial's I can imagine Cortana would be useful."

The look Alastair gave him was almost desperate when he shook his head and held out the sword. "You fight with it."

Thomas's eyebrows shot up and he placed his hand over Alastair's on the hilt, pressing down so that Alastair's grip tightened. "That's a terrible idea, I'm not a Carstairs. Why can't you weild it?"

"It's not my sword."

"I don't think the demon will notice."

“Thomas-“

“Alastair. And it is your sword. By blood, at least.”

Alastair scoffed and let his head fall back on the building wall behind him. There was a long pause before he started, haltingly, "Cordelia deserved the sword. The sword chose it's bearer, it saw that I wasn't worthy. Cordelia is, she has a good heart, she wants to be a hero, but solely for the good it will do for others. And-" Alastair gently placed two fingers on either side of the swords edge, one sharp one dulled. His voice sounded achingly tight."That is the kind of heart this sword chooses."

Thomas hands tightened on his sleeves, suppressing the urge to reach out for Alastair. "I don't believe that." He cut off the protest Alastair was surely going to make quickly. "I believe that the sword chooses it's bearer, but I don't believe that you're any less worthy than Cordelia. If Cortana truly can see into the purest intentions of your heart, I don't believe that you would be found unworthy."

"You of all people should know that isn't true."

Thomas shook his head. "Cruelty for the sake of self preservation does not indicate the goodness of your heart. It's been a long time since then, Alastair. This path... it was the path you took when you were protecting me, isn't it?"

Alastair nodded stiffly, his eyes hard glass.

"You have a good heart. Take the sword now. I promise as soon as we're done, I'll lock it up in box until Cordelia comes back."

Alastair's lips twitched. "She'd have your head for that."

"A small price to pay if I've managed to make you believe me." Thomas felt a jolt of pain in his chest as soon as the words left his mouth. He hadn't meant for the words to sound so soft and unsteady, it gave away too much of what he was trying to forget.

But it felt close to torture, to see him in pain and be unable to do anything but talk. His heart ached to pull the other boy close, to run hands through his hair, and to whisper promises until he believed them.

Thomas felt a breath catch in his throat when Alastair turned to look at him with sudden intensity burning in his eyes. It was jarring, given how hard Alastair had been trying to push him away for the past week, how the gaurdedness in his eyes seemed stronger than before.

But now, he was staring at Thomas, almost consideringly, with thoughtful eyes and a startlingly open expression.

Something about the way his face looked, vulnerable but determined, was too similar to the way he'd looked in the Sanctuary. The light from Cortana relfected off his eyes the same way the candlelight had then, and Thomas felt his thoughts drown into the absolute mess his heart was.

The rain was still falling, faster now, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before the demon would find them, but he helplessly wished that the demon was just a little stupider and would grant them more time.

"Thomas?" Alastair asked in a low voice.

Thomas managed a nod, clasping his hands tightly together.

Alastair's gaze was heavy and calculating as he placed his hands very gently on Thomas's. Somehow, the contact still sent a jolt through Thomas, reducing his mind to a completely unusable scramble.

Slowly, he unclasped his hands, turning one up to catch Alastair's and reaching the other out to grip the front of his coat. He couldn't remember making the decision to move forward, he could only hear the soft, surprised sound Alastair made when their lips met.

Alastair pressed closer, his hand settling against Thomas's heart, and filling his senses with the brush of his eyelashes and the softness of his lips. The world had gone quiet, the pounding rain melting into the sound of Alastair's heart pounding against his hands.

He had tried to memorize the feel of Alastair's lips against his from the Sanctuary, but the dizzying rush of emotions that surfaced in reality could never be fully captured by memory. His hand had slid up to Alastair's hair, damp from the rain, as he felt what little comprehension he had left unravel from Alastair's gentle kiss.

He felt Alastair pull away, but he stayed in the circle of Thomas's arms. Thomas opened his eyes, feeling more than a little dazed, and looked down at Alastair.

“Thomas,” Alastair started softly. His eyes were shining with the kind of rare vulnerability that made Thomas feel irrationally protective.

But Alastair cut himself off before he could speak again, turning his face to the street with a frown.

Thomas felt him stiffen in his arms. Thomas felt a similar alertness wash over him, replacing warmth with watchfulness.

He looked at the road, the focus of an impending fight sharpening his senses. Through the rattle of an occasional carriage and the relentless fall of the rain, his ears pricked at the scuttle of claws on pavement.

Thomas couldn’t help the somewhat childish groan he let out as he, very reluctantly, reached for his weapon.

He fixed Alastair with a determined look, throwing out an arm to halt him from jumping off the platform. He very valiantly ignored the way his heart pounded in response to Alastair's rain damp curls falling into his flushed face, begging him to forget the demon altogether. "We will continue the conversation. Promise me.”

Alastair looked at him, surprised. “Okay. I- I promise.” Quieter, almost as if he wasn’t talking to Thomas at all, he added “I won’t walk away again.”

Alastair pulled away then, reaching for his weapon with cold determination settling in his eyes. A little more regretfully, Thomas did the same and then lowered himself back onto the ground.

He heard Alastair land softly next to him as the demon crept around the building corner and was fully illuminated by a nearby streetlight.

And it was… terrifyingly ugly. It somehow looked like all of the demons he’d encountered and like none of them at all. It’s skin was the same sickly white that James and Cordelia had described Belial having, and it’s eyes were focused hungrily on Cortana, gleaming in Alastair’s hands.

It lunged forward, with startling speed, into the darkness of the alley. They both pulled swiftly away from its trajectory, pressing against the walls. As soon as it crossed the shadows, the darkness seemed to almost shift.

Shadows curled unnaturally in a mass that surrounded the demon, and the alleyway grew darker, as if it was surrounding them too. The demon moved to Alastair, a flash of claws catching Cortana’s light as they came down. Panic reared in Thomas’s mind and instincts bade him to raise his blade.

Alastair slashed Cortana in a shimmering golden arc before he could move, tearing through the demons chest. Alastair pulled back, ichor dripping from his blade as he whirled it back in front of him defensively.

Thomas narrowly ducked away from the demon as it reared back, the shoulder of his jacket tearing when the demon clawed at him.

Thomas slumped against the wall beside Alastair, breathing hard. “It’s too fast.”

Alastair nodded, his eyes snagging on the tear in Thomas’s jacket, a hairsbreadth away from his skin. “No patrol teams cross this area tonight.” His voice was low and urgent. “We have no help.”

“I know.” Thomas muttered. He gripped his blade tighter as the demon righted itself, crouching low as if it was going to pounce. He tried to snuff out the fear that was pounding in his heart.

The demon leapt, a dart of movement that was too fast for Thomas to do much else than slash blindly upwards, his blade connecting with its target. But this time when the demon swiped at him, it succeeded.

He felt a flash of heat on his chest, adrenaline mercifully blocking out the pain as he staggered sideways. The demon made a rough snarling noise, and through the haze Thomas could see that he’d cut across its eye. Which seemed to have done nothing but effectively enrage it.

When the demon stalked towards him, Thomas couldn’t raise his weapon, his movements weak and sluggish.

Fear finally managed to cut through the cold focus as the demon reared forward, claws glinting. He felt something roughly shove him out of the way. Alastair.

He fell against the wall, his vision blurring. Poison, he cursed, fumbling for a stele.

Alastair had pushed himself directly under the demon, Cortana raised defensively. The demon slammed down, and the horrible shriek of claws scraping metal filled his ears.

Thomas staggered towards him, panic screaming in his ears. Desperation surged through him, Alastair could not be harmed, but the poison already had its hold on his body, draining all of his strength.

Through unfocused eyes, he could see Alastair, whose face was burning with determination and anger as he drove Cortana forward. Thomas heard the demon screech distantly, as if through a muffled screen. He vaguely registered crumpling against the wall.

He closed his eyes and time seemed to bleed together. Not, he thought dryly, the only thing bleeding. He could feel pressure on his chest, but he couldn’t remember moving his arms. He could hear something, a word repeating like a bell chiming. If a bell could ever sound so desperate.

He opened his eyes with effort, black spots crowding out his vision. He recognizes what word he’s hearing.

It’s his name, whispered over and over and it’s Alastair who’s saying it. He’s only inches away, his beautiful eyes crowded with tears.

Distantly, Thomas could feel the drag of a stele against his neck and the throbbing subsided enough for him to hook his hand weakly around Alastair’s. Alastair’s eyes flew up to his, the relief in them heartbreaking.

The rain was falling fast, running in rivets through Alastair's hair and down the slope of his face and for a hazy moment, Thomas's only comprehensible thought was that if that was the last sight he would see, he could almost be at peace. Alastair was safe.

“Keep fighting, Thomas, please,” Alastair muttered, his voice breaking.

He could feel the stele moving in the shape of an iratze, though the more Alastair drew, the more his precision unraveled.

“It wasn't real,” he murmured. He felt his chest itch in a weak response to the iratze. Darkness was crowding the edges of his vision, but Alastair still burned as bright as he always did.

“What? Are you delirious?” Alastair’s voice was low and panicked. “Hold on, I- please-”

He shook his head, his hand curling weakly on Alastair’s shirtfront. Sudden clarity rushed his mind, though he wasn’t sure if it was because of his desperation to talk or the army of healing runes scrawled on his skin. “Please I-I need to tell you. I’d spent too long attempting to convince myself that what I felt for you was hatred or indifference, but I cannot die with you believing that. It was never hatred and it never could be. I love you, and I need you to tell me that you believe me.”

His throat burned with the energy it cost to speak and his breaths grew shallower. He tried to cling to his consciousness, but he could feel his mind slipping and the pressure in his chest grow.

Alastair’s grip on him tightened almost painfully. Thomas could feel him shaking, from the freezing rain, from his own blood that now coated Alastair’s hands, he wasn’t sure.

“I won’t,” Alastair whispered hoarsely. “You’re asking for me to say the last words you want to hear, but I won’t, not like this. You can’t die, I-”Thomas felt strong arms wrap around his stomach, hauling him up. “I won’t let you.”

Somehow Thomas’s hand found his. Sound and sight seemed to bleed away. The cloudiness in his mind draped heavily like a blanket, and the pain dulled to nothingness.

He could only feel the press of Alastair’s hand, and he clung onto it like a promise as the darkness finally pulled him under.

I'd just like to say that I started writing this before the whole "demons are attracted to alastair and cortana" thing!! I couldn't say anything about it then but I felt very, very smart

Taglist: @spooky-drusilla @thewarthatsavedmylife-blog @ikissedsmithparker @life-through-the-eyes-of @littlx-songbxrd @alice-got-the-blues @the-ethereal-aura @taylorjamie @melanielocke @styxdrawings

#alastair carstairs #tlh #thomastair #thomas lightwood #the last hours #chot #choi #tumblr keeps randomly deleting paragraphs #but i think they're all here

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