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#tumblr is lowkey for me and it's gonna stay that way
zebratimw · 8 months
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people who write essays or are having a meltdown in reaction to my art, I hope you know you are living so rent free in my brain
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seventh-district · 1 year
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my sincerest apologies to anyone who’s messages, comments, etc. that i haven’t replied to yet. i’m just so terribly stressed and busy irl that i’ve barely even been online at all for the past week and at this point i can’t make any promises about when i can update things or reply to things but just. know that i’m trying my absolute best and lowkey running myself into the ground over here and i know it’s probably not obvious and it sounds like an excuse cause i don’t seem like a busy person but there’s a lot of things that happen in my life that i can’t/don’t/shouldn’t/won’t talk about and i really am just. so overwhelmed from it all that i can’t have the consistent online presence i’d like to have. i’m sorry.
i will get back to any comments or messages on all my various platforms as soon as i can. i promise. i just don’t know when “soon” is at this point.
#Seven.txt#cw vent post#this little announcement also applies to more than the last week. it’s really for anyone i’ve ever left without a response anywhere#at any time. and also for any time it happens again in the future because this is an ongoing problem of mine.#so yeah. i know there are some people that hate me and think i’m a bad person because i oftentimes don’t have the energy/spoons to stay#consistent when it comes to like. literally anything. wether it be writing projects or conversations or any kind of commitment and. yeah.#that probably does make me a bad person. i’ve accepted that i’m not a good person a long time ago at this point. not because i enjoy it but#because i can’t outrun my nature and i guess that’s just the way i am. constantly overwhelmed and unable to maintain consistency#and that’s. bad. when you’re trying to be a good person and be there for people consistently. i just. guess that i’m not one of those people#that can do that. but i’m trying to be. believe it or not i really am trying to be a good person and a good friend. and it’s way harder than#it should be. not because of other people but just because of the way i am. i wish i were different and i’m really sorry that i’m not#okay. anyways. enough rambling. i can barely think straight today but i made myself sit down and focus long enough to write this#because the guilt is eating me alive ahaha#so to anyone that’s been waiting on a response from me for literally anything for however long it’s been. i’m sorry.#you don’t have to believe me because i know words mean nothing when your actions don’t back it up. but i really do plan on responding to#every single one of you eventually. no matter how long it’s been. i just. haven’t been able to yet.#anyways this is lowkey pointless cause hardly anyone follows or checks my personal tumblr but i don’t have it in me to post this elsewhere#so hopefully the people that need to see this will see it. now or sometime in the future.#okay. i feel very nauseous rn so i’m gonna go try to calm down from the terrible morning i’ve had and maybe eat something to settle my tummy#hopefully tomorrow will be easier cause i could use a fucking break lmao#sighs. i am just. not cut out for caregiving. i can hardly even take care of myself! like. how the fuck am i supposed to be a caregiver for#other people when i literally need one myself??? i am not cut out for this responsibility!!! but there’s no one left but me!!!#so i shall continue to suck it up and do it until things get easier or i simply collapse from the weight of too much responsibility#also my stress is making my OCD even harder to handle so that’s just great. that’s exactly what i need is for every single aspect of my life#to be made ridiculously harder by constant irresistible compulsions!#okay i am shutting up now. this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post but i always gotta make everything about me i guess#today’s weather report is uhhhh… Routine Maintenance by Aaron West and The Roaring Twenties#i had no clue when i first heard that song however many years ago that one day it’d describe my life but. here we are
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fvnalgirlcomplex · 5 months
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PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY ✸ J. HUGHES
and it begins!! this is irl but also mostly social media au because my tumblr is/was acting up and deleted most of what i had written and.. i’m lazy so!!! reader is referred to as ‘you’ and their looks are talked about but i tried to avoid describing looks… however… reader doesn’t have blonde hair but listen like every nhl fic uses a blonde girl for the fc so. i think its justified!! but sorry to anyone blonde reading lol. i didn’t rlly know how to end this tbh but i hope it’s still good and i hope u like it!! remember that you are beautiful! any negative things said obviously aren’t true :)
warnings: light mention/implication of an eating disorder, insecurities, hate comments, reader gets picked up (lowkey manhandled a little bit), suggestive comments (2), unedited writing
masterlist, series masterlist
fc: olivia rodrigo ( oliviarodrigo on ig )
summary: dating jack wasn’t gonna be easy, you knew that. you just thought him traveling a lot was gonna be the hardest, not being picked apart by his fans.
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bought a bunch of makeup,
tryna cover up my face
i started to skip lunch,
stopped eatin’ cake on birthdays
youruser
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liked by lhughes and 56,890 others
youruser 22!! shout out to cole caulfield
view 182 comments…
colecaulfield thank you for the shout out. I really needed it.
youruser anything for a fan
user19 she’s so cocky omg
yourfriend the cake was so good! you should’ve had some :(
youruser the cake wasn’t very big and i don’t really like cake that much anyways lol glad you liked it though!!
jackhughes ❤️
liked by youruser
user373 at least she chose a blurry pic so we don’t have to see her face lmaoo
jackhughes
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liked by trevorzegras and 120,293 others
jackhughes birthday girl 🎂
view 367 comments…
_quinnhughes haps
youruser damn. not even a full sentence 😔
user14 even his brother doesn’t like her lmao 💀
user298 i hope she knows she’s public enemy #1
user63 bro could do sm better
trevorzegras big! 22! 2️⃣2️⃣
user86 the way she looks at him though 🥹
user7 no..
user329 why are you so miserable
user738 he did her so dirty with the second picture 😭 makeup can only do so much but somehow she looks even worse than i imagined with no makeup
“I didn’t know it was such a big deal—”
“It shouldn’t have to be a big deal, Jack! I asked you not to post it, I don’t understand why you don’t listen!”
Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you were taking your insecurities out on Jack when it really wasn’t his fault. But, it’s hard to stay calm when you’ve started to hate what you see everytime you look in the mirror, or someone takes a picture of you and that’s when you have makeup on. Words couldn’t describe how gross you feel without makeup on.
“I think you look gorgeous. I don’t know what the issue is.” Jack responded, too nonchalantly for your liking.
“The issue is that I don’t think I look gorgeous so I don’t want it out in the world for all your fans to see.” Jack sighed at your response. He knew what this was about but to him, you the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. He just couldn’t grasp how someone like you could be insecure.
“Y/n…” He said softly, grabbing the sides of your face. The mood in the room had quickly changed from tense to sad as soon as the word fans was mentioned. “You’re stunning. I know you don’t believe me but, you really are. All those comments are from a bunch of teenage girls who are jealous. I know it’s hard to block out but you just have to try ‘cause I wanna show everyone how pretty my girl is, okay?” Jack finished, trying to cheer you up. It didn’t really work to be honest but still, through glass eyes, you looked up at him and nodded before he brought you into a comforting hug.
You wanted to believe him, you really did. But it wasn’t just teen fan girls. It was also grown men. Men your boyfriends age who thought you were just as hideous. They couldn’t have been doing it for the same reasons as the fan girls. They had to have just been being honest, right?
‘cause there’s always somethin’ missin’
there’s always somethin’ in the mirror
that i think looks wrong
when pretty isn’t pretty enough,
what do you do?
You loved spending time with Jack. And you also loved getting to spend time with the people he cared about. But the pressure of looking good before going knowing that pictures would be taken, with or without you knowing, made you want to puke.
You started planning out your outfits far in advance, what shoes, how you’d do you hair, your makeup. Everything. You told yourself over and over again that the outfit is cute. You asked Jack about it and he always reassured you that you would look beautiful in anything and the friends you’d ask say the same thing.
But that still wasn’t enough to stop your brain from making you think everything was wrong. No matter you were wearing, when you looked in the mirror it just looked… wrong. Like something was missing.
“Babe?” Your boyfriends voice came softly through the bedroom door. Jack had invited you to the Devils Halloween Party this year which would be your first New Jersey Devils event. Jack and Luke were wearing matching spider-man costumes with Nico and Dawson who were currently at the brothers apartment. “You ready?” He asked you as he poked his head into the bedroom before fully stepping in, closing the door behind him.
“Yeah, I was just looking for my cat ears.” Lie. You were overanalyzing yourself like you always did before you went out but you knew if you told Jack that he’d feel bad and tell you that you didn’t have to go if you weren’t comfortable.
It wasn’t clear if Jack really believed your lie but he glanced around the room for the headband anyways before finding it on the edge of the bed next to you and placing them on your head for you.
Still sitting on the edge of the bed from when you were putting on your boots before you caught a look at yourself in the mirror, you looked up at Jack, who’s hands stayed on the side of your face after gently placing the headband on you.
Words weren’t exchanged as he looked at you, his thumbs tenderly moving over cheeks. He moved down to place a lovingly soft kiss on your forehead and then your lipstick covered lips.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered against your mouth. You almost believed him.
njdwag.updates
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liked by jackhughes and 2,384 others
njdwag.updates y/n at the halloween party with a fellow wag. she went as a black cat 🐈‍⬛
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theotherwag sweetest girl to ever exist 🩷
user273 jacks like 🥹
user33 is this a safe space?
user649 depends…
user33 i love yn. and i love yn and jack!! they’re so cute and it’s so obvious everyone that hates her is just jealous :/
user472 REAL!!! they claim to be fans of jack but hate to see him happy… like something isn’t adding up??
liked by 208 others
user634 wait jack went as spider-man and she went as a black cat?? she’s kinda funny for that
user710 jack probably didn’t want to outright match with her 💀
user845 her standing next to another wag.. this is so sad like jack!! wake up!!
and everybody’s keepin’ it up, so you think it’s you
i could change up my body and change up my face
i could try every lipstick in every shade
but i’d always feel the same
‘cause pretty isn’t pretty enough anyways
njdwags
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liked by 1,266 others
njdwags y/n y/l/n at her colleges football game with friends!
view 103 comments…
user968 everytime there’s a picture of her standing next to someone it really highlights how ugly she is LMAO
user263 idk why people hate her sm she’s so pretty
user945 she’s even prettier in person! i met her at the game and she was so nice. it’s so sad to see all the hate she gets :(
liked by njdwags
user293 we have class together!! she’s literally so sweet and smart
user683 ugly ass
user78 she chose a college football game over her boyfriends hockey game…
user537 why does she always have her tongue out 💀
and i try to ignorе it, but it's everythin' i see
it’s on the poster on the wall, it's in like every magazine
it’s in my phone, it's in my head, it's in the boys i bring to bed
it’s all around, it's all the time, i don't know why i even try
It’s like you couldn’t stop yourself from reading comments on posts about you. You knew you should ignore but it seemed impossible to ignore at this point.
You knew the comments would be negative like they always were but you always had hope they would be nice for once. And there was nice ones sometimes! But most were so overwhelmingly negative, you couldn’t even focus on the positives.
And it wasn’t just comments either, no. Not anymore at least. Since, you’ve read the comments, it’s like all the negative has leaked out of your phone and into every aspect of your life.
It was when you visited your family over winter break, you had totally forgotten about the posters you had in past years of icons from your childhood. Icons who were so how all skinny or blonde or had stunning blue eyes or all three. The break was supposed to get you away from all that and yet, you still cried yourself to sleep that first night.
Every aspect of life also included you and your boyfriend. You knew before you and Jack had started dating, he was constantly liking other girls bikini pics on instagram. And even though he had stopped doing that, you’d still seen tweets from his fans in the past joking about how he was “always at the scene of the crime” with a screenshot of his like on a picture of the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. And while you tried to ignore it, you noticed of a pattern with all the girls. They looked a lot like the icons from your childhood. Nothing like you.
So now, late at night, when you were supposed to be having quiet and sweet moments with your boyfriend; your boyfriend that you didn’t get to see very often at that! You spent those moments thinking about those stupid likes on those stupid pictures of those stupidly beautiful girls.
And as for you, the comments had really gotten to your head. Even when you weren’t with Jack and you weren’t on your phone or in your childhood room. You still found someone to compare yourself to. It was like some kind of superpower.
and i bought all the clothes that they told me to buy
i chased some dumb ideal my entire life
and none of it matters and none of it ends
you just feel like shit all over again
Was this silly? It feel silly.
This didn’t feel like you but a change was needed.
Jack (and Luke) had been hanging out with the team all day and you had the day off. You had decided to spend the time alone shopping for clothes that you would’ve never worn before this past month and a box of blonde hair dye.
“We’re home!”
Luke’s voice rang through the apartment, snapping you out of your trance that you were in while staring out the box of hair dye taunting you on the bathroom counter.
“Y/n?” Now it was Jacks voice that made its way through the apartment.
“Bathroom!”
You could hear his footsteps come closer to the bathroom door before a knock on the door, hesitating before opening the door before him. He slipped in before locking the door behind him.
“I was gonna jump in the shower if he wanted to join me.” Jack told you, his hands sliding around your waist with his back to the door. Naturally, your hands slipped around to rest behind his neck, forgetting about the hair dye sitting on the counter.
“I think I’m gonna have to pass this time—”
“You’re gonna dye your hair?” Jack cut you off, his eyes focused behind you.
“Oh- Yeah, I just, um, wanted a change I guess.”
Jack didn’t say anything or take his eyes off of the box of hair dye. He didn’t buy it for a second but he just didn’t understand. How could you not see how beautiful you were. Jack had known the comments were bad, he just didn’t realize they were getting to you this badly. He looked back to you, who had a guilty look in your eyes. Jack sighed before moving you over to the counter, placing you next to the box.
“Baby, if you really want to dye your hair blonde; go for for it. But I don’t think you want to.” You couldn’t even look at him. You felt embarrassed that you’d been confronted about how out of hand these insecurities have gotten, even if it wasn’t really your fault. You felt like a child being scolded. “I know we’ve talked about this before but you really have to listen to me this time okay, babe?”
Jacks hand came up to your chin, gently pushing your head up to make eye contact with him.
“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I mean that. All those assholes just want to find someone to hate more than themselves and I’m sorry that dating me has made you a target for that. But blonde hair dye isn’t gonna make them stop. I’ll say something— I should’ve said something sooner but I’ll do it now. Just- Just don’t change for them because they won’t ever be happy. Pretty isn’t pretty enough for them, okay?”
You were crying now. Because you knew he was right and you were upset you had let them drive you crazy. You continued to cry as your boyfriends arm came around your frame. You uttered apologies, not quite sure for what, while his hand rubbed your back.
After a while, your tears stopped and Jack pulled away. “I love you. And I told you, if you really want to go blonde, go for it. I mean, you’ll look hot either way—”
“Jack!”
“Okay, okay. Blonde or no blonde.” He asked with a small smile on his face, holding up the box of hair dye.
“No blonde.”
Jacks smile grew as he threw the box into the trashcan. His hands slid down to your thighs, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist.
“So… can we get that shower now?”
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iren-n-ire · 11 months
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Astrology Observation 9
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🚩 Take note that I'm not a professional astrologer, I just share what I experienced (or observed).
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♦ Taurus in the sixth house, hello to all my lazy people, the legends of procrastination lol
♥ Libra in the 12th house lowkey wants to be with someone (can be literally wants a lover) or just someone to hangout with, they're loners (big emphasis if there's no planet here)
💀 Aries in the fifth house...You come off too strong to your crush that's why they're scared of you lol
⛑️ Neptune in third house when watching movies, it gets stucked in their head...may even copy it un/consciously such as the characters' way of speaking, behaviors, etc. They might dream about it too so my advice is be careful when watching disturbing or horror videos💀
🧠 Aquarius in the third house... Ma intelligent people with their own unique vocabularies, topics, way of talking lol which sometimes... People don't get you, so you end up talking to yourself because who cares??? You also talk with your mind 24/365 whether inside or outside of your house
One scenario I kept experiencing with this placement is when I'm with my classmates, I get bored with their talks like oh my gosh I'm gonna fail blah blah blah bro can we talk about more sensible things or intellectual stimulation stuffs, just anything beside the norms
🌹As a Leo sun & midheaven in the sidereal astrology (doesn't matter if tropical, draconic, or you're sidereal, this can still be applied to you if you have this) , I've notice a pattern in myself which is talking about me in most of my chats 💀 with my closest friends. Shoutout to all of my Leos out there (big 3 or stellium), are you also like this?😆
👺 To all my Scorpions and Cancers out there (big 3, you have 1 planet there, or stellium), do you feel bad to yourself when you don't know something about someone like friends and your other friends know about it because for you, it means closure and I feel that but as I stated above 💀 bro is self-centered lol how can you know if you also don't ask and kept babbling about yourself 💀
Do you also do that? You want closure but you don't even ask because you also respect the word "privacy" of theirs
🍓Taurus sixth house natives are also foodies, why? Its in the house of daily stuffs, these people have huge appetite 💀 and they can't survive without their favorite foods in the house💀🤣 They always want something tasty in their mouth💀
They're artistic too, singing maybe their thang daily or anything verbal like rapping and spoken poetry (Taurus is related to voice and neck)
One of the literal homebodies xD
🍷Having a stellium or placements in Gemini has a youthful appearance, their beauty stays young...the epitome of forever young
I have mine in 8th house + Saturn conjunct Venus. My parents said one time when they saw my childhood friends passing by and they noticed that my face didn't change (matured face yk what I mean?)
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❤️‍🔥FOLLOW ME HERE❤️‍🔥
Facebook Pages: IREN & IRE
Instagram: iren_n_ire
Pinterest: iren_n_ire
Twitter: iren_n_ire
Tiktok: iren_n_ire
Tumblr: iren_n_ire
YouTube: iren_n_ire
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❤ Thank you! See you on my next post! ❤
💋 Be you, Do you, You are You! 💋
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citrusinicake · 9 days
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Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse
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do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those
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elliereject · 9 months
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stupid bitch .2
* after learning about the feelings you’d harboured for her for so long, ellie was even more confused than before. however, after spending time away from you and even more time thinking, she realizes that fuck she feels the same way, if not stronger. she only hopes that you still feel the same way and she’ll be able to finally call you hers.
* angst at the beginning if you squint, ellie’s in denial and stupid, ellie lowkey being head over heels in love with you and everything you do, kissing, oral!reader receiving, scissoring, overstim, meanish!ellie, lots of mush
* hello! sorry it took a while for this part to come out, i wanted to make sure the ending was as dramatic as the first part with a satisfying end. i promise im not ignoring you guys i do see all of your sweet messages and requests to tag and i thank you all so much for interacting with me and enjoying what i write bc i enjoy writing it! unfortunately i cant respond 1on1 because this is not my primary account and tumblr hasn’t changed it so that alternate accounts can do all the things main ones do
ʅ(◞‿◟)ʃ anyways i dont want to make this too long so im gonna wrap it up but again, thank you so much for the kind words it’s motivating me to continue writing and before i shut up i was just wondering if anybody would be interested in a ballerina!reader x ellie slowburn cuz it’s currently floating around in my drafts and i just wanna make sure it wouldnt flop also lol take a shot every time i use the word jade.
*mdni
*wc - 4k (bonus at the end)
part .1 here
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“Stop fucking laughing Jesse, it’s not funny” Ellie frowned.
Jesse let out one last obnoxious guffaw before handing the joint back to Ellie, who was laying back on her beanbag, so he could wipe a stray tear from his eye.
“You’re right.” He said, suddenly serious. “It’s fucking hilarious.” He snorted, kicking his legs up and gasping for air.
Dina elbowed him hard from her seat next to him on Ellie’s old green couch, “She’s right, Jesse shut up.”
After that movie night-turned-love confession, Ellie had utterly broken down. The lines between her friendship with you had blurred so much she couldn’t see it clearly if she had fucking glasses on.
Her kiss with you had sent her down a whirlwind path of confusion and guilt. She had no idea where she stood with you and it’d been over a month and a half since she’s spoken to you.
After that night, Ellie ended things with Cat. She couldn’t handle being in a relationship especially when she wasn’t even sure she liked the girl she was dating anymore plus the fact you were in love with her. Cat had gotten mad, screaming matches were had and insults were thrown; but it was when she started coming for you, calling you a slut and a homewrecker and saying that she always knew you were trying to steal Ellie from her that she gave her 5 seconds to get the fuck out before she did something she regretted.
Cat had left with a scoff, taking Ellie’s favourite green sweater with her. After doing lots and lots of thinking, Ellie called up Dina for an emergency smoke sesh and to get some advice on what the fuck was going on since she somehow always knew what to do. Only she hadn’t known Jesse would be there and the headache he was inducing almost made her throw him out the door and she 100% would’ve if Dina wasn’t there.
“Thanks, Dee.”
“Of course, only I just have one question.” Ellie had just finished explaining what had happened between the two of you in the last couple months, hence the reason Jesse was about to pull a muscle from laughing so hard.
“Shoot.”
“Why the fuck did you stay with Cat for so long?”
Ellie groaned, taking a long puff of the joint before passing it to Dina so she could explain.
“I don’t fucking know she made me feel..good? And bad..but good. I know this is going to sound crazy but being with someone who was as fucked up as me felt…safe, like I wasn’t alone.”
“But she cheated on you like..a hundred times,” Jesse spoke up, finally recovering from his fit of laughter. Dina shot him a look.
“I know but, after she did, she’d be so apologetic and loving and I guess I got used to it and liked the amount of love and attention she was giving me so... I stayed and forgave her, again and again. Pretty fucked up, huh?” Ellie laughed dryly.
“Oh no, honey. Even the best of us fall victim to love-bombing.” Dina said, a comforting smile on her face.
“Yeah that’s sad and everything but what about ★, you treated her like shit.” Jesse said, a hint of sourness in his voice.
“I know—fuck! I know. Cat got in my head and kept telling me that she liked me and I didn’t want to believe it because she’s my best friend for fucks sake! But in those months I was dating Cat I found myself comparing the two of them more and more and I got scared because there was no way I should’ve been in love with her so like an idiot, I pushed her away and Cat pulled me in.” Ellie sighed, the retelling of the past couple of months making her cringe at how stupid she’s been.
She paused, grabbing the joint from Dina to take another drawl. “Then that night after we kissed I realized that fuck, I was in love with her and I kinda hated dating Cat…who also took my favourite hoodie.” Ellie said with a huff.
“Damn..you lesbians and your love triangles.” Jesse said, shaking his head.
“Shut up man, I know you and Dina have your own crazy shit going on.” Ellie rolled her eyes.
“Yes.” Jesse said, getting up to pluck the almost finished joint from her hand, “We do, but we settle it internally.”
Dina nodded, “Anyways, are you and ★…” She trailed off, unsure how to finish her sentence.
“I don’t fucking know, I needed some time to think and I wanted to give her some space but it’s been weeks and I’m fucking terrified she’s never gonna speak to me again.”
Jesse shook his head, “You guys have been friends for years, just give her a little more time, she’ll come around.”
“But what if she doesn’t?” Ellie said, leaning forward to hang her head in her hands. “I miss her so fucking much you guys.”
“You need a distraction,” Dina said suddenly, clapping her hands together.
“I agree.” Jesse nodded his head, putting out the joint on the light blue ashtray sitting on the coffee table. “I’m hungry as hell, go buy us some pizza.”
“Fuck you, I’m not your butler.” Ellie rolled her eyes, again.
“Come on, you know you’re hungry too.” Dina said in a sing-songy voice.
“I’m not.” She was.
“Just go, I’ll Venmo you.” Jesse groaned.
Ellie sighed but got up anyways, grabbing her coat from the back of her seat and walking up to her door.
“Fine, but you guys better not just be trying to get me out so you can fuck, again.”
“We would never,” Dina said reassuringly.
“That’s exactly what we’re doing.” Jesse shrugged, earning another jab in the side from Dina.
Ellie rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time tonight as she left her dorm. As much as they annoyed her, Ellie was grateful to have Dina (and Jesse) there to help her through whatever the hell was going on.
Her walk to the diner was a long one as she purposely took a different route to get there. She’d hate to admit it but the couple was right, she had needed a distraction and the freezing winds against her flushed skin helped along with the high from her earlier joint helping to calm her rapid thoughts and allowing her a minute to breathe.
However, when she pushed open the door to Sal’s—her favourite diner— it was like every ounce of stress that had just dissipated came flooding back x10.
“Ellie,” The girl said, giving her a tight smile from her seat on one of the old stools near the counter.
“Cat..” Ellie sighed.
When the two of them were still together, they’d spent countless date nights here sharing milkshakes and sneaking kisses in the bathroom. She’d even considered branding it “their spot” but thank god she didn’t because she probably never would’ve come back again.
“What are you doing here?” Ellie asked.
“What..just because we broke up means that I can’t come here anymore?” Cat laughed dryly, and swirl red her straw around her chocolate milkshake.
“No, I didn’t mean—“
“Kidding, I know what you meant.” Cat patted the stool next to her, “So how are you and ★? You two should be in the honeymoon stage by now, right?”
Ellie shuffled up to the counter, ordering a pepperoni and cheese pizza to go before sitting down gingerly next to Cat.
“Actually, we haven’t talked since that night.”
“You’re fucking with me,” Cat said, mouth agape.
Ellie shook her head, “Dead serious.”
Cat made a noise, something between a scoff and a laugh before turning to look at Ellie.
“You haven’t even tried reaching out to her? You fucking broke up with me because of her—“
“Among other reasons.”
She rolled her eyes, “And you haven’t even talked to her yet?”
“I’m giving her space.”
She shook her head, muttering an “I don’t fucking get you, Williams.” before returning to her milkshake.
By then, Ellie’s order was ready and she took the boxes, brushing past her ex after mumbling, “Yeah, I know.”
Ellie’s walk back to her dorm started slow, she tried collecting her thoughts, tried to organize and arrange them in a way she could understand but she couldn’t focus. Cat’s words wrung in her ears, the only thing she could pick apart from the tornado was you, you you you you.
Fucking you.
Your gorgeous eyes that always seemed to find hers and when they did fuck it was like the world stopped, and your laugh oh my god your laugh, it’d been so long since she heard your laugh and how she craved it. Don't even get her started on how you always knew exactly what to say to her when she was feeling down, and how you tasted..like everything she’d ever wished and more, and how after that night she ached to taste you again, to feel you; how just being near you immediately skyrocketed her mood. She wasn’t herself without you and she was the best version of herself when she was.
Could you be addicted to someone? She didn’t think so, but somehow with you, it seemed like you could. Ellie wasn’t sure when she’d started running, but as she felt sweat perspire on her brow and her breathing come in as quick laboured breaths all she knew is that she needed to see you.
—★
She made it back to her dorm, fumbling to open her door while balancing the pizzas in her hand. When she finally threw open the door she ignored the sight of Jesse laying his head on Dina’s lap and plopped the boxes on the coffee table.
“I’m going to go see her.” She huffed, already making her way to the door to start running to your dorm.
“What happened to space?” Jesse called out.
“Fuck space!” She yelled back, ditching the elevator and opting for the stairs. Later, she’d have given you the entire fucking solar system if you wanted, but right now? She needed to see you be close to you, hold you, kiss you.
She pumped her legs harder, silently wishing she had done track for longer than 3 months back in middle school. Her chest burned and her neck and back were slick with sweat but she was almost there. She didn’t know what the fuck she was going to say to you but she’d figure something out.
When she finally reached your building, she brushed past the residence hall director who’d seen her hundreds of times before and decided on the elevator this time to organize her thoughts a little before seeing you.
Her nerves started to catch up to her as she watched the numbers above the metal door change, was she ready to see you? What if you didn’t want to see her? What if you just straight up refused to talk to her?
Before she could chicken out, the elevator had reached your floor. She walked down the hall to your door and took three deep breaths before knocking. She heard a little shuffling from behind your door and a small gasp before you opened it, peeking your head out.
“Ellie..” You breathed.
“★. Please, I need to talk to you.”
Your eyes flashed to the floor, avoiding her pleading gaze. “Is Cat okay with you being here?”
“We broke up.”
“What?” You questioned, letting the door swing open and allowing her to take in your full form. You were wearing fuzzy pyjama pants with cute characters patterned on them and a thick oversized sweatshirt. The whites of your eyes were slightly red and the bags beneath them were prominent. She could tell you had been crying and it made her heart lurch, she wanted to pull you into her chest, breathe you in and never let go.
“Yeah, it— can I come in?” She asked.
“Uhm..” You bit your lip, probably thinking whether or not you should let her into your dorm, let her back into your life.
“Please. I promise I’ll make it quick.” She practically begged, lowering her head so she could lock her jade eyes on yours.
You nodded, moving back so she could step inside. You led her to the small couch in the living room as if she hadn’t been there thousands of times before. You sat silently across from her, eyes filled with worry and a tiny gleam of hope and she felt the urge to pull you into her chest bloom throughout her. Of course, she planned on doing that later, but as of right now, she had to set things straight.
“Let me just start off by saying, I’m sorry. ★ I’m so fucking sorry for how I treated you when I was dating Cat.” You tried and failed to ignore the way her voice cracked, pain and genuinity adorned her features.
“We were both terrible for each other but my fucked up brain thought it made sense that I was with her. That she was what I deserved…” She looked up from fidgeting hands to meet your eyes, she couldn’t read your face so she continued.
“I’d been feeling..” She paused, looking up to gather her thoughts. She never really was good with her words, but she needed you to know how much you meant to her, how much love she held for you in her heart. “Shit...I’d been feeling different when it came to you...like I swear to fucking god you’re made of sunlight and sweetness or something cause my heart swells whenever I think of you, and when you’re not with me I feel so…!” She groaned and you giggled, so soft that if her ears weren’t trained to hear and take in every sound you made she would’ve missed it, and her heart softened and swelled and spun and sputtered.
“I pushed you away because I was scared of those feelings, but that night, after we kissed. I realized that... I love you, ★. And I completely understand if you never want to see me again, God knows I don’t deserve you but—“
“Stop.” You said, suddenly standing up to walk over to her.
Her jade eyes searched yours desperately, for any sign of what you were thinking, how you were feeling if you were fighting the same urge as her to pull her into your arms and kiss her like the world was ending tomorrow.
“Stop saying that,” She looked at you, confusion flooded her features.
Your soft hands found her rough ones and the warmth that flooded from you to her made her lightheaded, how the hell was it possible to love someone this much?
“Ellie, words can’t describe how much I cared for you,”
‘cared’ She physically felt her heart rip.
“and I need you to know you deserve everything good in life.”
“Does that include you?” She said with a weak smile.
You looked to the side, dropping her hands. “You..hurt me.”
Ellie shot up faster than she’d ever moved in her life, her hands coming up to cup the sides of your face, “And I want to rip my fucking heart out every time I remember, but I need you in my life, lovebug.”
Your eyes finally met hers and you could practically hear the “whoosh” from your resolve flying out of your body. You’d never seen a shade of green so beautiful, so passionate, so desperate.
This time, it was your eyes flicking to her lips and you didn’t even have a second to pull back before her lips were on yours. This kiss had the same amount of wanting as your last one, but it was softer, slower. Like if she went too fast you’d disappear from her hands and she couldn’t lose you again.
She pulled away only to place strawberry kisses along your neck and collarbone, eliciting that same sweet sound she had heard from you only a few weeks prior and she knew she needed to have you.
Your hands tugged gently at her top and she shrugged off her coat, lips still connected to your neck. Her hands dipped beneath your sweater to trace soft squiggles against your stomach with her short nails.
She released her hold on your neck and spun you around so that you were sitting on your couch and she was towering over you.
She watched as your chest rose and fell rapidly, how your eyes met hers, glossed over in a way she’s never seen before, your soft slips glistening and slightly swollen. She’d never been more turned on in her life.
She knelt, her veiny hands hooking onto the top of your pants and underwear before she looked back up at you,
“Is it okay if I take these off?”
You nodded fervently and bit your lip as she slid them off, ever so slowly. She had waited too long to do this, you’d better believe she was going to savour each moment.
You felt the cold air hit your cunt and her mossy eyes immediately snapped to it, she looked as if she was in a trance. She’d been staring for so long you would’ve gotten self-conscious if not had she said,
“So fucking pretty.”
Heat rose to your cheeks and your eyes focused on the wall to the side of you but you scrunched them closed when you felt her lick a stripe up your folds.
You’d heard from a friend of a friend who was friends with Cat that Ellie gave insane head. And of course, anger and jealousy and bitterness swirled through you at the thought of her performing such acts on another person, so for your own well-being you denied and refused to believe it.
And fuck were you eating your words. Her tongue swirled expertly around your cunt and your eyes were practically rolling to the back of your head, and the borderline pornographic sounds you were making were like fucking music to her ears.
“Fuck so good, Ellie.”
She’d never admit it but she was a sucker for praise so with the words that fell from your beautiful mouth she made sure to speed up her movements, your legs were shaking at this point and somehow your hand had found its way into her auburn locs, tugging softly which resulted in soft grunts from her that reverberated through your body and cause a feeling like no other.
That familiar feeling began welling up inside, a knot that grew tighter, and tighter, and tighter until snap. Your thighs trembled violently and your throat felt hoarse from how much you were screaming, despite your climax, Ellie was still between your legs and the sensation was becoming a bit too much.
You tried to close your close but a veiny hand gripped your thigh, forcing you open once again. You peered down into her jade eyes, her pupils were blown so wide that they looked almost entirely black and a slight shiver ran through your body, a good shiver. They were demanding and bordering hungry.
Before you knew it her mouth was back in you, sucking and lapping up everything you would give her. It’s when her tongue slipped into you that you started to feel fucking delirious. Sobs and moans of her name tumbled out of you as your hold on her hair tightened and you were nearly riding her face.
“Ellie..fuck, please so close, ‘s close ‘s—“
Your eyebrows knitted together and a silent moan escaped you as you gushed on her face and she finally pulled away from you, giving both of you a chance to catch your breath.
“Holy shit.” She breathed out, wiping the bottom of her freckled face with the back of her hand. That hungry look at disappeared and the familiar love drunk one had replaced it.
“I should be saying that.” You said airily.
She smiled, “You taste really fucking good, y’know that?”
You shook your head bashfully and she stood up, her knees aching from kneeling so long and sat next to you before pulling you in for a short but deep kiss, allowing you to taste yourself on her tongue.
“Now you do.”
You smiled and it melted her soul just a teensy bit, but she could get sappy about it later. Right now? She needed to fuck you so good you’d laugh whenever you thought about your past lovers in comparison to her.
“Can you lay down for me, bug?” She asked, so sweetly you almost forgot she basically sent you to heaven just a few minutes prior.
She stood up to remove her shirt and briefs and allow you to remove your shirt and get comfortable on the couch. She slid between your legs, hoisting one of them over her shoulder as she aligned her hips with yours.
“Tell me if it‘s too much, alright?”
You nodded and she lowered herself onto you, her lean thighs keeping her upright as she agonizingly slowly rocked against you. You whined at her pace and she tutted.
“Come on, pretty, use your words.” She said, smirking lazily down at you.
“Need you to go faster.” You begged.
She nodded, speeding up her pace and drawing out a high-pitched whimper from you. Her eyes were practically fixed on your chest as she watched them bounce and sway with each movement. One of her hands came down to toy with your nipple while the other one held your leg steady so she could grind relentlessly against your clit.
The movements had started unsteady but as the two of you found a rhythm that was pleasurable to both of you, even Ellie couldn’t hold back the raspy moans and groans, not to mention her finger on your nipple which made your already sopping cunt gush even more, giving her the ability to glide across you back and forth.
Your hips bucked against her avidly and her eyes rolled back into her head as chants of your name fell from her lips over and over again.
“So good ★, feel ‘s good.” She rasped.
You froze beneath her as your third orgasm of the night slammed through you and your body practically went limp. Ellie followed soon after, the sight of you fucked out was better than anything her imagination could’ve stirred up and she couldn’t help but wonder how your face would look with her strap buried between you, as well as how it was a more beautiful sight than she’d ever seen with Cat or any other girl she’d been with and that was what had her reeling over the edge, creaming all over your cunt as she tremored vigorously. She collapsed onto top of you, her tattooed arm keeping her up right so she didn’t crush you as she placed open mouth kisses along your jaw, drinking in the soft giggled you gave in return.
Finally, she peeled away from you, allowing herself to catch her breath before trudging to your tiny kitchen to grab a damp rag and a glass of water, she came back and held the glass to your lips encouraging you to drink it all before setting the empty cup on the table to wipe your legs down gently.
You jumped slightly when the rag grazed your puffy clit and she mumbled out a “Sorry, bug.” before grabbing your wrist and placing a sweet kiss on it.
“So,” you sighed tiredly, “are we..”
She chuckled, “Are we…what?”
“Girlfriends..?”
She frowned and shook her head, “Oh..no.”
Your heart fell right into the deepest darkest depths of your soul. Was this just a one-time thing? Had all the things she said earlier not been true? Were you—
“I don’t have a ring yet, but I’m sure nobody would care if I start calling you my wife already.”
You rolled your eyes, shoving her softly to which she laughed.
“You have seriously got to work on your timing.”
“I know, I know…but it’s charming right?”
“Fuck you.”
“You just did.”
You let out an exasperated groan but you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face at the sound of her laughter and her hands snaking around you to pull you into her.
And in that moment, regardless of her past with Cat and others, her past with you, the hurtful things said and less than admirable actions she’d done, she knew that you were in fact, the perfect one for her.
bonus! (^з^)-☆
“I’m telling you, these are the best milkshakes in the state.” Ellie boasted.
Jesse shook his head, “No, ★ this summer I am taking you to The Cinnamon Angel back in Seattle, Ellie doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.”
Ellie scoffed, using the arm currently wrapped around your shoulder to point an accusing finger at him, “Dude, you don’t know what you’re talking about. The Cinnamon Angel can’t even…“
Ellie’s voice drowned out when Dina rolled her eyes from across you and leaned across the booth to chat with you over Ellie’s and Jesse’s bickering.
“This isn’t what I was expecting when I suggested a double date.” She sighed sarcastically.
You giggled, “I had a feeling it was going to be like this.”
The four of you were squeezed into a tiny booth at the back of Ellie’s favourite diner, bickering bonding over salty fries and frothy milkshakes. You hadn’t talked much to Dina despite her being your girlfriend's close friend and your close friend's girlfriend, which you regret because she was so sweet and funny.
Ellie threw her arms back with a huff, officially exasperated with Jesse, “Dina, I really don’t know how you put up with this guy, let alone date him.”
“Eh, he’s not all bad.” She smirked, nudging him with her shoulder.
You laughed but it was quick to die out when your eyes trailed over to the entrance after the familiar sound of bells signaled someone walking in.
Dark eyes fell on yours and you were met with a grim expression, Ellie followed where you were looking and the arm that was around your shoulder tightened slightly.
The raven head trekked over to your booth, greeting both you and Ellie with a tight smile.
“You two are so cute together!” She said flatly.
You grinned, ignoring the sarcasm that laced her voice “Thank you!”
“Definitely cuter than you and Ellie ever were,” Jesse mumbled into his milkshake and Dina turned her head, trying and failing to hide her laugh.
Cat rolled her eyes before pretending to drop something and bending to pick up nothing so she could whisper, “You two aren’t going to last, you’re not even her type.”
Anger bloomed through you, seriously, what the hell was this girl's damage? Before she could walk away you stuck your foot out causing her to stumble and turn around to face you, glaring daggers. Ellie must’ve heard what she’d said though, because one of her long fingers pulled the neck of your shirt back just a sliver, revealing the prominent mark she had made just a few nights prior.
Ellie’s jade eyes bored into her damn, if looks could kill.
You smiled sweetly and leaned into Ellie’s arm.“I beg to differ.”
Cat’s face reddened embarrassingly quickly and you could practically see the steam shooting out of her ears, she turned around hastily and stomped out of the diner and you’d hoped she could hear the boisterous laughter that bubbled out of each of you after the door had closed.
tagz (^з^)-☆
@blvebanisters @cassharass @pick-me-up-im-scared @skylerwhitwyo @lil-elliesgf @elsmissingfingers @herdelreydear @koremis @gold-dustwomxn @whenlostinthedarkness
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cyb3r-st4t · 18 days
Text
Hi, I wanted to make an announcement before I take this into my own hands and do it without telling any of you.
I will be deleting my blog on May 15th of next month.
Explanation and lowkey heavy vent below the cut, so just be aware that this will contain mention of pro//ana blogs, s//h blogs, and mention of declining health mentally, and physically. Stay safe. <3
This was sort of a long time coming, and I may even make another appearance in the future, but as of right now, I feel like it’s the best thing to do.
I want to start this off by saying that this is not me losing interest in writing, or creating content like this. This is for my safety as a human being with so much more healing that I need to endure. I won’t quit making content altogether, I will continue to post from time to time on AO3, but with tumblr, I can’t open this app without being sent into full blown panic attacks anymore.
I wish, wish, wish I could stay on here and support everyone in all ways possible, and I’m so fucking upset with the fact that I can’t just be a normal person and do that, but I can’t. I really tried, and I’m so sorry that it’s come down to this. I really feel like a total failure, I have for a while now.
Currently with the writing and how I will continue it, I wanted to mention that I’m not sure how much more Genshin content I will continue to make as I’ve lost interest in it. I still love, love, love the characters, but I simply do not have the motivation or care to dig into their backstories; not even to learn about them aside from hearing word going around, and head canons.
If anything about my writing with characters has been off in the past, you now know that I’m not a lore person, haha.
In that same breath, though, I’ve never written content about any other fandom? So there’s a high chance it will stick around. As long as you’re aware that I don’t look into the characters, and as long as you don’t care about that, haha </3.
On a darker side of things, and the sole reason that I’m deleting my blog, and the app is the over all toxicity, I’m practically k!lling myself just getting on here. I don’t mean to scare any of you with that, but with the thin//spo, s//h, and over all excruciatingly triggering content that continues to pop up on my feed despite blocking a god awful amount of tags. I feel so trapped.
Something I don’t share is that I have D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and the shit on this app that I see hurts. For a while, I was healing, but with the things I’ve been exposed to with talks of r!tual, m//c, and t0rture, and harsh misinformation on that— people even making up their own traumatic backstories with wishes that they could be a victim of that abuse with absolutely no trigger warnings of any kind— I can’t do it anymore. Not right now.
I’m quite literally in the worst condition I have ever been in, mentally and physically, and all I wanted to do was write about the things I enjoyed, and interact with the people within the community.
So.
I’m sorry.
I just really want to be okay.
This is my Ao3, please follow it to keep up with my fic’s if you haven’t already. I’m gonna be shifting all of my currently existing fics over there as well, so nothing will die into the abyss.
I hope to see you guys there, if I don’t, I hope to see you in the future if I ever decide that I can try this again.
You’ve done nothing but make me happy, I promise.
Much love,
Wowee/Cyber.
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eluxcastar · 1 year
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Can I ask for Hc's of A yandere Guren x reader?
Guren as a yandere
── ୨୧:guren ichinose x reader
୨୧﹑synopsis :: a retainer of the Ichinoses, you want to go out, and he is starkly against letting you do so. It's not safe for you, haven't you realised that yet?
୨୧﹑genre :: in the get traumatised category ♡
୨୧﹑content :: yandere (obviously) guren is basically a huge asshole, like he's lowkey rude 💀, implied infantilising, impled murder (blink and you'll miss it), his solution to many things is either to stroke their ego or degrade them, there's a very obvious power imbalance that Guren does in fact abuse
୨୧﹑words :: 1312
so it just so happened I was writing something related to Guren that gave me the idea for this and I was unceremoniously dragged back to tumblr to write this. also sorry I said I was gonna post a while ago but things happened (╥╯^╰╥) I feel better today though so now I bring you this. Pretty sure I've never actually written for Guren before now so he may be a bit iffy
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the Lieutenant Colonel is one the most helpful he can be towards you, who is supposed to be a member of a retainer house to his family, the one who is supposed to be born to serve him. You manage to fit in well enough in the Demon Army, he makes sure of that, even if your job has never really tended to revolve around combat unless necessary.
it is his orders never to leave the city walls unless he asks you to, and never to venture too far away if you do. By his own words, equipment management for the Moon Demon Company is important, though it has never exactly been the most fun of jobs. If it is what he asks of you, you have little say in the matter. It never helps that your complaints to him are met with high praise to your attentiveness to detail and skill in this particular line of work. Anything that will make you stay right where you are.
each and every time, there's an excuse. Something that pushes and pulls you on a rollercoaster of feeling either somewhat content in pleasing a member of the Ichinose family or feeling as if you are a disappointment to him for underestimating how thought out Guren's decision to put you in charge of this work. Something to make sure you sit down and shut up. Something. Your work is necessary, he doesn't have time to fill your position, the members of your assigned 'squad' are all inexperienced in field work, each time they go out somebody ends up dead after getting separated from your group and next time that could be you.
that or it's a 'next time' that never comes.
though Guren admires that you have a desire to be helpful (his own words), he convinces you that your vital help is needed elsewhere, and to stop hassling him because you've devalued your own field of expertise. It's irritating. It comes off as something like getting told that the big kids don't want to play with you before Guren banishes you back to your room.
sometimes there are days Guren is tolerable, and those are the days in which he asks for your help in other things, and when his praise is least grating. He appreciates your work instead of trying to push you back down into your place, even when he's figured out that the surefire way to shut you up is to remind you you're merely a retainer. You are to do what he says exactly as he says it and you are not to fuss because this is your born purpose. He has so kindly offered to release you from this responsibility if you wish it so, but knowing the ridicule you'll likely face is enough to make you shut your big mouth and shake your head.
but he can only be patient for so long, and so your constant 'defiance' ends up landing in you in the equivalent of adult detention as he asks (more like orders) you to do you work where he can see you to make sure you don't intentionally make yourself look incompetent to get out of it. You've never pulled such a thing before, so it confuses you, but you begrudgingly accept. You always find yourself with little say in these matters, holing up in some corner of his office to go over the inventory records and reports broken or missing equipment that would need to be replaced.
it's an awkward silence, even with the record player spinning a vinyl record he found from God knows where, broken only by the occasional flip of paper or the moment you forced yourself to clear your throat, a sigh, a pen scribbling away at paper. It was something quite close to torture actually.
but it certainly shut you up again.
you decide to keep your comments to yourself, avoid Guren altogether in fact and hurriedly make up some excuse why you were busy every time he was in to check up on how things were. Truth be told you hate this work, never wanted it and still don't want it, but after being told it was one of your few options after training it was your own lifeline to be able to bargain with Guren for a spot.
to be honest he finds that really annoying about you.
though doing his best to keep you out of danger you insist on endangering yourself senselessly, and so if Guren would like to keep you locked up in your safe little cage where you stay under only his command he must continue to make life on the battlefield quite unappealing.
there is only one way to achieve such a thing. Guren must endanger you only once to never again fret over the possibility of you being harmed. Something to bring you down again so you start to appreciate how much effort he puts into protecting you.
he's quite insistent on talking to you on this particular day. Guren was willing to wait just to talk to you specifically, even when he had recently been content with talking to anyone for verbal reports. This was personal business apparently and he asked that you drop everything and come talk to him.
"You can go." is the first thing out of his mouth, and your eyes light up wondering if maybe— just maybe he was saying what you thought. "We're short some people, it's not like it's heavy combat." he quickly waves off the gravity of it with a motion of his hand.
he lied about that part, where he said it wasn't heavy combat.
stronger Vampires can easily overpower Demons of higher calibres, let alone ones with no particular importance, merely Rakshasa as was carried by many underlings of Guren's. It didn't stand a chance, it's hard to even remember how you got from leisurely wandering around with little care in the world to crawling along the floor in a pool of blood you weren't sure whether or not to be thankful wasn't yours. It all went horrible wrong somewhere, somewhere between venturing into an abandoned building and where you sit now letting blood soak into your clothes as you freeze up from the fear and realisation finally sinking in. You got ambushed at some point, your clothes being stained by the red smears on the floor that used to be your friends, and as the last remaining you know you won't survive that. Vampires are quite cruel like that, they like to play with their food sometimes.
you scrunch yourself into a tight ball at the thought and just lay there on the floor, replaying the events in your mind as you wonder what you were thinking exactly. How could you hope to be useful when you were still the little kid Guren had been treating you like? You should've just stayed where he told you to.
a heavy thud against your side causes you to flinch, but the weight dissipates so quickly all you can see are scattered ashes and the faint glow of Guren's violet eyes. "Do you understand it now?" he asks the question quite coldly, "It's too dangerous out here."
"Everyone is dead, aren't they?" your voice is shakier than you expected, quieter. It almost doesn't even register that you managed to survive. You look down at your hands, covered in blood that's beginning to dry and make your hands feel icky. Your uniform sticks to your skin uncomfortably. You feel dirty thinking about why that is.
he never answers your question, just quietly moves closer to you as your only comfort. You stiffen when his hand touches your back and swallow the urge to pull away. You know the answer to that anyway.
you never quite thought you'd be glad to return to busy work.
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ryloriee678999 · 2 years
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Feed (Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader)
A/N: lol this is my FIRST ever fic and of course its a vent fic. (yikes for me lol.) There's some really good writing on tumblr and I'm lowkey scared to post this.
Summary: Natasha surprises you with a week off from work. The only problem now is keeping your secret from your girlfriend. (3K words)
TW: Please take care of yourself, this fic is heavily surrounded by eating disorders. It does go into detail and I don't want anyone reading this if you think it would trigger you.
“I got us the week off of work!” Natasha reveals. Her smile wide knowing how much you two needed a break after constantly overworking yourselves. Finally, Fury gave in and decided to let you two have a few days off.
You stare at her for a moment, only turning your lips up into a smile when Natasha looked at you like something was wrong. “Aren't you happy?” She asks. Right away you nodded and faked an even bigger. “Of course I'm happy! We finally get a break from all that paperwork,” You reply, trying to sound as convincing as you could.
Natasha let out a happy sigh as she let herself fall onto the sofa, “I can't remember the last time we had time off like this. I bet the others are going to be so jealous and-”  You didn't mean to tune your girlfriend out, normally you loved listening to her voice and seeing her happy, but her voice turned into background noise as you got lost in your thoughts.
Keeping your ‘little secret’ this week would be harder. You didn't want to admit to yourself you had an eating disorder but you knew that's exactly what you had. Normally you and Nat would be too busy to share meals together so she never really noticed when you skipped. Of course, sometimes your girlfriend would surprise you and make dinner for the both of you but that was only sometimes and you were able to make up for it the next day. This time, it would be an entire week of constantly being together and you knew you would have to eat in front of her at some point. The worry already settled into your chest, making you anxious. You couldn't even see the good side of things since it was being clouded by the feeling.
You didn't even realize your face started to frown. “Is everything okay?” Natasha asked. “You don't seem very thrilled.” You didn't realize she was standing in front of you until her hands touched yours. Finally, you snap out of the trance you were in and give her one more smile, “believe me, I'm so happy.” You give her a quick peck on the cheek to furthermore convince her. “I can’t wait.”
You might have purposely ‘forgotten’ to turn off the alarm that normally woke you up at 6 am. Natasha even told you right before going to bed to turn it off but you ignored her.
A loud groan came from your girlfriend as she covered her ears with blankets to shield her from the noise. She stirred, wishing her sleep wasn't interrupted by an angry alarm. “Don't even think about getting out of bed to train right now,” she said angrily with her eyes still closed and face stuffed under the blanket.
You were about to ignore her and go to the gym anyway but her arm grabbed yours before you could leave. A quiet sigh left your mouth as you let yourself fall back into her arms, you didn't even try to fight it. You trained every day to keep yourself from going insane, you didn't know how you were gonna make it this week. The food combined with not working out sat heavily on your mind until you were able to fall back asleep.
The day started off lazy, you both stayed in bed until noon. Natasha suggested going out for pastries and you hesitantly accepted. You figured since you two skipped lunch you’d allow yourself one croissant or something.
On the way there you held hands, talking about how many things Natasha wanted to do with you. For the first time this week, you really felt happy, not one thing bothering you until Natasha brought up dinner tonight. She wanted to surprise you but she was so excited that she told you. It was somewhere really fancy, somewhere where you would have to dress up and eat way too many courses. You tried pushing the thoughts to the back of your head and listening to her but it was getting hard. These thoughts stayed until you got home. It didn't help that you were now eating brunch on top of the dinner to come.
The dress you wore that used to be tight felt loose around your skin. You couldn't believe how you used to wear this to parties months ago. It only dawned on you now how revealing it is. You hated what you saw but sucked it up once you caught a glimpse of what Natasha was wearing. God, she looked good. You didn't want to compare yourself to her but you couldn't help but feel gross about yourself.
Dinner was filled with uncomfortable grabbing at your dress, you hated feeling it on your stomach so you constantly sat up to adjust it. Although the restaurant wasn't packed, you still couldn't help but feel everyone's eyes on you. Natasha was amazing of course. She made everything better but it wasn't enough to take over how you felt.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” Natasha says as her eyes look down at you.
‘Liar.’
“Only a few times,” you laugh.
At night you sat in bed silently until the redhead fell asleep. You felt your stomach twist and your eyes threatening to spill tears. Not even the first day has passed and you already felt like giving up. You promised yourself it would never come to this point but it really felt like an emergency.
Carefully you lifted the blanket up and slid off the bed, the coldness of the room hit your body but it wasn't long before you headed to the bathroom and locked the door. Immediately you felt yourself start to break at the reflection in the mirror. You wish you could cover it up with a towel or something but instead, you tear your eyes away from yourself and look at the toilet.
Never have you tried throwing up your food. It crossed your mind a few times on those bad days but never have you gone this far. You were getting desperate and right now you thought it would make you feel better if you tried.
You kneeled in front of the toilet before pushing your fingers harshly to the back of your throat. After gagging time after time, you felt frustrated that nothing was happening. It was too late, you probably digested the food already or maybe you weren't trying hard enough. You cursed to yourself, hating how this was all happening. You didn't want this disorder, you wanted to be okay and normal and not have torment seep into your mind every time you see yourself.
At this point, you slumped against the shower waiting for your breathing to come down and your eyes to become less puffy.
It must've been a while because soon you heard quiet footsteps heading towards you. “Baby?” Natasha called while giving a knock on the door. “Are you okay?” She asked.
Shit, You thought she would be asleep but of course, she would wake up from the sounds of retching and gagging you tried so hard to hide. You let out a shaky breath, praying that your voice wouldn't reveal how you were feeling. “Yeah, I just felt sick. I’ll come to bed in a minute.” You said, your voice a little hoarse from all the damage you did.
Natasha wasn't completely satisfied with the response, she wanted to come in there and see for herself if you were okay. You seemed fine today, what changed? But seeing that it was late and she was tired, Nat decided to give you space for now and ask you about it tomorrow.
The next day you woke up and the bed was empty. You immediately sat up looking around the room for your girlfriend until you heard a sound from the kitchen. The music was quiet but you could still hear one of Natasha's favorite songs playing. You smiled, picturing your girlfriend humming to the music as she did whatever she was doing.
You see her turn around once she hears the bedroom door creak open. You walk over to the table and sit down, worry already bubbling when you see a bowl in front of you.
“How are you feeling?” Natasha asks softly. She goes to turn off the stove then sits next to you, her eyes glaring at you in search of any signs of sickness. “I’m fine, I'm not sure what came over me last night,” you lied. Natasha's eyes narrowed for a second before she stood up and took the bowl that was in front of you.
“Well I made soup just in case, It’s the kind you like too,” Natasha said as she ladled soup into the bowl. She presented it in front of you and then sat across from you with her own plate.
Feeling trapped in the moment, you bring the spoon up to your mouth and take a small sip. Your nose scrunched up a bit but you hoped Nat wouldn't see. Thankfully she was staring at her phone so she didn't notice. She only noticed when you didn't touch the rest of it.
“Do you not like it?” She asks bluntly.
“I’m not hungry right now,” you brush off. “I’m not really a breakfast person.”
“You aren't?” Natasha questioned. She remembers when she first met you, you sometimes cooked breakfast for everyone after your early morning training. Everyone would circle around the dining table and eat what you cooked, yourself included. But then when you started dating and eventually moved in, she couldn't remember the last time you had food in the morning.
Before you could respond Natasha's phone rang. You looked over before she picked up, Clint's contact filling the screen. It wasn't anything you’d pay attention to but when Natasha responded to him in a harsh tone you looked up at her.
She threw her phone down on the table and stood up abruptly. Her fingers found their way to her hair as she sighed. “I can’t catch a fucking break,” she complained. “What's wrong? What happened?” You question, your face alarmed at how angry your girlfriend looks.
“There's an emergency, I have to get to the Quinjet right now,” she explains. Before you could ask more questions she already made her way to the closet where she keeps her suit. “Well do you guys need help?” You yell from the kitchen.
Natasha reappears near the door while putting on her shoes. “No, It's just me.” Before she heads out she mutters an apology and leaves you with a quick kiss.
Great, now you're left all alone. The first thing you do is clean up the dishes and empty the soup into the sink. Although you were sad about her leaving, this did give you a chance to do whatever you wanted without the fear of Natasha bringing you food. You laughed at yourself, you fight terrifying criminals for a living and now you're practically scared of soup.
You figured you’d make yourself useful while she was gone. So after cleaning up a bit you sat down, now realizing how bored you were. You’d been working so much that you’ve forgotten what to do with yourself when you had free time. But you know being bored leads to eating and eating leads to feeling like shit. So instead of sitting down all day you leave your room and search for some company around the compound.
It didn't take long to find someone to hang out with. You looked for Wanda but it looked like she was also on the mission. Instead, Peter was sitting on the couch, equally as pissed that he wasn't invited on the mission. You both talked for a bit and learnt that it would (hopefully) only take a few hours and that everyone would be back around dinner time. After the conversation, Peter persuaded you to come train with him. It would waste a few hours so you agreed.
After a few hours you excused yourself. You figured it was time to stop training when black dots started to appear in your vision
. “It’s not fair that you two get the week off!” You heard a voice yell, followed by the door opening.
You were in the bathroom showering and it seemed that Natasha was home along with someone else. Quickly you towel dry your hair and walk out to see Wanda and your girlfriend talking on the couch.
“Well we work the hardest out of everyone,” Natasha responded which made Wanda laugh.
“You do not work the hardest,” she mumbles. “You’re all over each other at work, don't forget who constantly reminds you to keep working.”
“Yeah whatever,” Nat rolls her eyes.
“Can we order food now, I’m starving,” Wanda sighed as you joined them on the couch. You took the remote but it was stolen from your grip right away. You didn't even bother taking it back or acknowledging anyone, you were way too tired and Natasha seemed to pick up on that.
“What? No hello?” Natasha teases.
Your eyes tiredly watched the tv in front of you while Wanda scrolled through shows and movies. “Hey Wanda,” you greet, purposely ignoring your girlfriend. “Jerk,” Natasha fake pouted and you for once genuinely smiled.
A little bit passed before Wanda urged Natasha to call the take out place already. Before dialling she turned to you. “Baby, do you want anything from the restaurant?” She asked.
You actually considered it since you have yet to eat today but every take-out food you could think of had too many calories. Quickly you came up with an excuse, “I’m good, I had a big lunch before you came home.”
Natasha frowned, once again sorry that she couldn't be home today. She gave your hand a quick squeeze before standing up and picking up her phone to call the restaurant.
Finally, Wanda settled on a movie but before pressing play she looked at you. Her eyebrows furrowed together, it looked like she was going to say something but she decided to stay quiet. She pressed play on the movie and Natasha joined you two. She went to sit next to you but you shifted away, suddenly feeling like you were taking up too much space.
Soon the food was here. Two medium pizzas spread across the kitchen island. You hated how appetizing it looked. It tempts you but you stay on the couch, out of reach from the food. The girls both stand up grabbing slices and bringing them to the couch. You watch them take bite after bite of the delicious food. And the smell- the smell was starting to get to you.
Instead of giving in to what you wanted, you stand up and head toward the bedroom. “I hope you don't mind but I’m really tired and I think I'm gonna lie down for a bit.”   Natasha looked down at her food, she thought you were mad at her about today. Wanda waved, “I’ll see you on Monday.”
Right when they hear the door close, Wanda brings the volume of the movie down and looks at Natasha. “So how are you? We didn't get to talk much,” Wanda spoke as she grabbed another slice of pizza from her plate.
Natasha moved closer to keep her voice low in case you weren't asleep yet, “I’m a little worried actually.” Wanda could already tell why but she kept silent. “I mean maybe I shouldn't have left today, I feel really bad about it,” she opened up. Wanda put her hand on Natasha's shoulder, “It was an emergency, there wasn't anything you could do.”
The Widow nodded, trying to push the guilt down. “I’m worried too,” Wanda admitted. “Somethings going on.”
“She seems so different lately, I don't know what I did or said,” she vented. “Maybe she doesn't want to spend this much time with me Wands. What if I'm suffocating her?” Wanda shook her head and brought the girl into a hug. “I’m sure whatever she's dealing with has nothing to do with you.”
Natasha buries her head into the other girl's shoulder. “I’m just so worried,” She repeats. “Can’t you read her mind?” Normally Natasha would never ask Wanda to do such a thing, it would be an absolute violation of your privacy. It was the first time you have ever acted not like yourself and it was sort of freaking her out. “You know I can't do that, hon,” Wanda says. “How about you try talking to her first?” Natasha nodded and decided she was gonna bring it up tomorrow.
You woke up early on purpose to go on a short run. You didn't see Natasha in bed so you figured she went out as well. Just as you were about to slide out the door, Natasha appeared out of nowhere and called out your name.
“Where are you going?”
“Out, I just want to get some air,” You lied. “Maybe to the convenience store to buy a snack.”
“I'll come with you,” she suggests and grabs her bag from the table.
You open the door before denying her. “No that's okay,” you say, already stepping out of the room. “Why not,” you hear her. At this point you were irritated, all you wanted to do was run by yourself. You didn't want anyone to watch you run out of breath or see the way your thighs moved when you run.
“Can you just leave me alone?” you snapped. You hate to admit it but at this point, the hunger was starting to get to you, and that meant making you feel angry. “You have the rest of the week to annoy me.”
Natasha felt hurt, but she brushed her own feelings aside. She promised herself she would talk to you about what was happening. “Is this because of the mission?” She asked. “Believe me babe I really didn't want to go but it was an emergency.”
“It's not that,” you cross your arms.
“Then what did I do? You’ve been acting differently for a while?” The redhead asks.
You automatically feel stupid, how could you let her think this could possibly be her fault. You didn't even think about how your actions or attitude were affecting your girlfriend. “No- no, no of course not Nat, there’s nothing wrong. You did nothing, nothing wrong,” you huffed in frustration.
“Then why aren't you eating?” She finally asks. She's had her suspicions for some time now, but this time with you confirmed her fear. You start to panic, but try your best not to let it show on your face. You don't know where you slipped up, you just grip the door handle tighter while thinking about all the times she might have noticed. Natasha steps closer and guides you away from the door and towards the middle of the room.
“I hate seeing you like this and I'm worried.” You don't respond, You wanted to but it was so hard. It was tempting to tell her about everything, but for some reason, you couldn't. “You really didn't think I'd notice?”
“It’s nothing, I’m fine,” You respond, only for your voice to falter. It's not even convincing enough to convince you. You were trained to lie but with Natasha staring at you like that, you knew you had fucked up.
“Bullshit,” she blurted out harshly.
The room went quiet and you felt tears forming in your eyes. Natasha watched the sight of the girl in front of her, your chest starting to heave as the disgusting ache in your stomach started to grow. You felt your face being cupped into her hands, her fingers pushing back layers of your hair that covered your eyes. “It’s going to be okay,” she soothed.
“We’re going to be fine.”
In the end, Nat scheduled the next week off, and then another week off when things didn't look like they were getting better. You both knew it would take a while for things to fully recover but Natasha was more than willing to stay by your side. She tried her best to be understanding even when you got angry. Over time, you started to feel like things were getting better. Although things will never be fully okay, that didn't mean she would ever leave.  
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Okay so. I’ve been playing OB! And I just got to the part where they discover Mc is the descendant of Human Lilith
Now my question is, does this counts as (The Mc and 7 bros) if they are relatives? Like a long line of lost nephews? Is this a Zeus situation where all that logic goes out the window?
After that, I don’t see them as datable anymore.
I see them at the end of the story visiting Mc’s house and relatives in a family gathering or something. Like their son/daughter just went to Hell and came back with 7 more uncles, the parents since then just invites the guys over for celebrations and dinners!
I went with the idea of a datable sim, came out with found family. Fuck! I love it?
Boom! So I'm actually officially??? qualified to answer this question! I was raised Buddhist & was actually good enough at the whole theory/concept behind it that I got the batch prize for religion multiple times/years (weird thing to brag about but my list of things I can brag about is v small so lemme have this one damnit). And reincarnation is a big thing in Buddhism so *jazz hands* yknow
I'm gonna answer this in 2 parts & add a bonus part for a "what if" AU;
1. Is MC Actually Related to Lilith the Angel aka The Brothers' Sister Lilith?
The Answer: No.
• Lilith died after the war. It's very specifically said that Diavolo reincarnated her as a human.
• Reincarnation, simplified, means that after a sentient being dies their soul is born again in the body of a whole new sentient being.
• Reincarnation allows a soul to live again as a whole new person with 0 ties to their previous life (unless the soul is born again within the same family). They may retain a couple memories from their previous life for their first 3-4 years of life* but that fades away eventually. They may hold on to a few characteristics but lots of unrelated people have the same characteristics so it's not a Big Deal.
* not sure how much I believe in reincarnation because it seems fantastical & a lot of this could just be childrens' brains being weird, imaginative and half formed but here's a few fun anecdotes of kids I knew talking about their "past lives"
01. My brother at age 3? would constantly tell us he was just staying with us till his real mother came to pick him up.
02. My cousin, an only child, would constantly tell his mother his older sister wanted him to change the lightbulb
03. There's one about my school friend (who currently may or may not hate me)'s little sister that I can't say because I'm lowkey scared she's got a tumblr account and on the 0.01% chance she sees this I might actually die so :D
04. I, till 4, apparently had a whole series of things I'd say about London of all places (I also constantly told one of my aunts not to sit in certain places cos there were ghosts already sitting there so I had a weird imagination so this should be taken with a boatload of salt); 1. Used to point at a very specific building and insist there was a similar one in London. 2. Talked about my dog Hiskie & how my parents? hid the both of us in the basement? when the police? were banging at our door - obviously we didn't have a dog or basement
• Lots of people see it as and call it "Rebirth" but I personally don't see it as that. You, the person you are & all that makes you up, dies. There's no second chance.* It's a way for your soul to live on but not you the person. Your soul gets to live on as a whole new person. You couldn't point at two strangers on the road and say "they're the same person" the same way you can't point at the person you were and the person your soul will become and say "they're the same person"
* In game, the brothers also see it as "rebirth" and as a second chance. They see it as Lilith surviving and living past the war. Which makes sense because;
• Rebirth/Reincarnation is not a phenomenon than occurs naturally in OM!. In OM!, canonically as seen in S2, peoples' souls are represented as candles that burn out. Once the candle burns out that's the end. Their soul is gone for good. Diavolo specifically uses his powers to stop this from happening to Lilith and to give her soul a second chance even if Lilith the person doesn't really get one. In a world where it's a known fact that once a person dies their soul is gone for good, finding out that your loved one, who died tragically and at a young age, 's soul got to live another life that was long and happy would be amazing. It would seem like that person got a second chance for real.
• A dog could die and the soul could be reincarnated as a human, who lives their life and gets married etc etc. This person is a human, not a dog in a human's body. (Though according to Buddhism you need to collect a lot of good karma to be born as a human & if you're a shithead your bad karma gets you demoted to an animal when you die* <- personally don't believe in this at all for a lot of reasons but mainly I know for a fact that there are animals living better & more luxurious lives than me so what is this bs?)
* 01. My grandma constantly told 5 yr old me that if I continued to blow spit bubbles I'd be reincarnated as a slug (this only made me blow more out of spite)
02. There's a saying? that you can tell someone who's pissing you off, which translated, basically means " I hope you get born as a dog in a shitty family" which I think is the funniest way you can tell someone to fuck off
TLDR;
* "human Lilith" probably looked nothing like Angel! Lilith, probably had a different name, canonically only remembered her life as Angel! Lilith when she died & her soul returned to its original state (she did have the soul of an angel though which probably affected her human body and which lead to MC's latent magic powers/why MC canonically doesn't seem to be 100% human/why MC's own soul is so shiny even though they're kind of an ass)
*MC is not related to the brothers' sister Lilith, so it ain't incest, if it were that means according to Buddhism everyone is always at a constant risk of accidentally participating in incest and beastiality which yeah....I'm not religious but good god would I fight someone who sees it as this
2. Are the Brothers & MC a Family - More Specifically A Found Family?
Answer: Yes.
• MC and the brothers are very much a family- more specifically a found family - something which is explicitly stated in OM! near the end of S2.
• Found families are as important as biological families. Their bonds are as strong, if not more so because they get the option to choose each other.
• But found families are gonna be messy because no one's gonna be actually related to each other & romantic and/or sexual chemistry can crop up. And that's normal.
• Depending on the found family, no one may take on more stereotypical family roles or certain people may rise up to take on those roles (eg: parental roles). With either of these types it's still pretty normal to date each other because they're not your real parents. Hell even normal friend groups have the "Mom Friend", that doesn't mean said friend can't date within their friend group.
• Most found families are friend groups who got closer and started seeing each other as family (it's also a very queer concept because lots of found families are queer people who came together because they couldn't get the love, acceptance & connection, all humans need, from their biological families).
• They're not "family" in the biological-related sense but rather in the "we care about each other above all else. we'll always have each others' backs. we'll call each other when we need help. we may fight but at the end of the day we love each other and will come together again". Again it doesn't mean they can't date within the group.
• In OM! however it gets Extra Messy because it mixes an adopted family and a found family. The brothers are a found family (the oddballs of the Celestial Realm who came together), but they're also an adopted family (adopted by Lucifer who saw them all as his brothers/kids) - the second part of this means they're actually brothers - they grew up together and are no different from biological brothers. None of them are gonna see romantic or sexual prospects in each other (with the exception of Asmo but that's just cause he's the personification of Lust + he always gets shut down by the rest).
• MC on the other hand is NOT part of their adopted family but IS part of their found family. MC's a stranger they met when they were all adults who became friends with them and who came to see the brothers as their (found) family and vice versa. This means MC dating the brothers would be completely normal and again not incestuous which I think is a lot of peoples' worry.
• The best example of a found family, with certain members taking on parental roles, that still has them dating/sleeping with each other within said found family is Community (the tv show which is getting a movie HELLO!!?!?). And this is an issue that community actually addresses in more or less detail;
Fucking watch this clip it's hilarious thank you
BONUS ROUND;
+ 1. What If MC Was Actually Related to Lilith the Angel; Would They Also Be Related to the Brothers?
The Answer: No.
• I've written a handful of human au! fics for the brothers and because of how short the time span in them must be, the whole descendent of a reincarnation thing doesn't work. Meaning I make MC a far off relation to OG! Lilith.
• For the answer to this question to be "No" you need to consider the background of two main points;
01. The Brothers & Lilith being an adopted family
-> Lilith & the brothers are canonically an adopted family. All the angels were created by God? presumably but they're not family/don't see themselves as family - the angels don't seem to practice family in the same way humans & demons do - I'm pretty sure the brothers are the odd ones out. Lucifer is the only one who refers to God as "Father" and Mammon canonically sees Lucifer as his dad. The brothers + Lilith are a family because Lucifer took them in one by one & referred to them as his family.
-> Am I saying being an adopted family makes their connections any less real or familial? No, calm down lemme get to my point.
02. MC's relationship with Lilith in this AU
-> MC (if MC was actually related to og Lilith) is a far off relation by thousands of years (my timeline between The Rebellion & S1 puts it at 5000+ years). Do you know who your blood relatives were 5000 years ago? Would you know who your blood relatives are 5000 years later?
-> To make up for the 5000 year time, in a human au MC would be a relative that's so far removed from your family that no one knows they or their own family branch even exists. It's doing a 23 and Me test & seeing you have some unheard of family line on the other side of the world. You're not gonna call them up and pretend to have some familial relationship with these complete strangers because not only will that be lowkey creepy, there's a high chance you won't even speak the same language.
• To make it easier to understand in our human lifetime perspective: Lilith and the brothers are part of a family where everyone was adopted by Lucifer (with only Satan being his biological son & only Lucifer being "God's" biological son). Lilith passes away and eventually the brothers meet MC who they befriend. Almost a year after they meet MC they accidentally discover that MC is a "so far off there's basically a 5000 year gap between us" relation of Lilith's. There'll be a lot of feelings involved, because Lilith's yknow dead, but after that's all dealt with in the grand scheme of things nothing's really changed. Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related didn't make them any less of a real family BUT Lilith & the brothers' not being blood related combined with how removed of a relative MC & Lilith are from each other means that there's no actual familial connection between MC & the brothers - they're not gonna look at each other and see their new sibling or something similar
Overall;
☆ Yes, MC & the brothers are a found family. It's one of my favourite things about OM! and one of the biggest reasons I stuck with this game for 2 1/2 years now (when a couple months is my usual attention span for games). OM!'s also the only dating sim ik of that pushed off the romance for one whole year (in game time) just so they can establish the found family aspect of it (ik there are lots of really good queer dating sims now - shoutout to The Arcana my love - but OM! is the queer dating sim for me)
☆ No, MC & the brothers aren't actually related and they don't see themselves as being related either
☆ Yes, MC can have romantic/sexual relationships with the brothers, it's nowhere near incest
☆ If you don't see the relationship between MC & the brothers as romantic then that's completely okay! While the events push the romantic aspect the main story lets you reject them and be only friends/family AND there are 7 more LIs available (though they are side characters & only get more screentime starting from S3)
☆ Here's more posts I made about Lilith that are related;
* I had about 3 more answered asks about Lilith's Reincarnation but I can't find them because the tagging system on tumblr is shit and I really need to make a masterlist of all my posts before I lose my mind trying to find a relevant post. Anyway this ask goes the most in depth about all of it so*
Lilith, Her Lover & Reincarnation
Lilith & MC's Story Relevance to One Another
Lilith and Her Other Descendents
☆ Here's me being shameless, in my self promotion, with a Lilith centered fic;
Speaking to Myself
7 brothers seek comfort from the grave of their long lost sister, a human lives and breathes just floors above them
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scarletiswailing347 · 14 days
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postinf the text for my day 2 bsweek prompt here cause its making me lag lol
do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go &quot;oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me,&quot; which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those
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ka-go-me · 7 months
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outoftomorrow: ....I'm....gonna get and stay off tumblr for a few days....I just found out someone who I thought I was getting along with great--just blocked me both here and on Discord out of the blue and gave no reason. And I have no real way of finding out the reason....Suffice to say-it kind of hurt--and I need the time away to process it. So---later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Update: I did figure out why the person blocked me. It's because I lowkey ship NarKik. But seriously? They could have just blocked the tag for that--It's not like I talk about the ship anyway. For any who interact with me from now on--please--talk to me about the things you don't like to see, and we'll work through ways to fix them together. Don't just flat-out block me, it's rude. :(
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st4rryhazes · 13 days
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now i just wanna yap lol but here's a bit abt me
i love love love music esp live music it fuels my soul sm!!!!
recently saw chappell and it quite literally altered my entire life (side note on that i've been a fan for like 2 years and im so so glad she's getting recognition but i wanna gatekeep still but like she's a big popstar now omg!)
5sos is my ultimate love and i scared one of my managers today bc someone brought them up and i sprinted over so fast lmfao
i need a public diary to hold myself accountable for shit bc my therapist is so so flaky ugh :// needing to therapize myself lowkey
i need to get a psych eval like asappp ik i have so much wrong w me and the only time i saw a psychiatrist she didn't gimme an eval and gave me a depression diagnosis like that one wasn't obvious ;-;
i overuse emojis sooo much but i'm tryna get into using emoticons more bc like !! they're so mf cutee !! :3 :3 :3
i'm 20 and bisexual and pronouns are she/they jsyk (also i'm january capricorn and gemini moon/rising)
i have an amazing bf who i've been with for almost a year now! truly thankful to love him and to have his love :,)
IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY IM JUST BLABBING tryna stay awake till midnight to listen to ttpd !!!!
oh also also im tryna get back into borrowing so if any lifters wanna share tips that'd be so swagtastic bc anxiety be getting in the way of having a haul :// tis not ideal but i'm tryna save money soooooooo
also im just gonna tag like everythjng i said here bc like ;-; i want attention ig idk IVE ALSO NEVER REALLY HAD A HARDCORE TUMBLR ERA BEFORE SO SOZ IF IM BAD AT THIS
K BYE FOR NOW I GUESS ?¡
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thyme-in-a-bubble · 1 month
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may i ask how long u've been on tumblr/how you reached 10,000 followers? it seems like quite a feat and i've been trying to post my own stuff (aesthetics, themes, moodboards, etc) for while now almost regularly and i've been stuck at 59, 60, or 61 followers for that entire time. it only ever fluctuates between those three numbers and my most recent followers have been bots. i guess i'm asking if you have any advice? 😅
i’ve been on tumblr for exactly two years, but in october 2022 i accidentally deleted the account and had to start over (kids, the lesson is to never try to delete a sideblog on your phone, do it on the pc, that’s the only place you can do it, because if you try on the phone it’ll delete everything, all of your blogs, including your main) so, it’s taken me 1 and a half years.
well, i have tons of advice about all manner of things, but this specifically, how to get more followers? it’s a little more loosey goosey and based on luck and stuff. but here are a few of the advice i can give:
well, first of all i believe that kindness goes a long way, certainly with getting your followers to stick with you.
ALWAYS check the tags when you post stuff you want people to find, make sure you aren't using any tags that are broken or anything. this is part of the routine i have whenever i post a new fic, always always check that it's showing up in the tags. i'm also always that anon for my moots whenever i notice that their stuff isn't showing up and they either didn't know or needs a bit of help. if you don't know your way around tumblr tags, then this post right here is very very helpful. also just use the proper and appropriate tags, but i'd think that was a given.
you say that you post stuff like moodboards and such? to be honest, i don't know how many of my followers follow me exclusively for that genre of my content, i don't know how many followers are normal when that is your blog's thing.
some people like to spam post a ton of stuff, some people like their dash extremely active, i personally don't. i've unfollowed/just not followed people who i like just fine, but who post an overwhelming amount. i might not be the only one who's like this. i personally have some posts queued, i have a bit of a schedule of regular posts that i trickle out. like stuff that i reblog, there is a pattern to how i do it, just to spread it out and to keep it organised (because everything in my life is meticulously organised). like i always have a comforting little thing to reblog between 5 and 6 in the morning for me, because then it'll be one of the first things people in my timezone sees and one of the last things a nightowl might see.
also try and keep your blog organised, have tags for things so that it's easy for people to filter (and also easy for you to find stuff), have a pinned post that's kind of a gentle welcome/intro/guide to whoever clicks on your blog, that kind of stuff, also just try and make the blog pretty and inviting, not just the default tumblr icon and stuff (those lowkey scare me)
keeping timezones in mind when you post. think about if it's a good time for most people, is it a time of day where one could be looking at their phone, taking a little break.
reblog stuff! interact with people! support others that you like and maybe that someone will support you!
i've never posted stuff "in order to get lots of followers," or anything. i just personally really like my writing, and since i do, then there must be someone else that does as well. turns out i was right.
learn that your blog is like your little house. you make the rules, you decide who gets to stay, you get to do whatever makes you happy and no one can tell you that you are wrong.
at the end of the day, everyone is gonna like something different, you can't please everyone, so just make your blog, your content, exactly how you like it, just be your wonderful weird beautiful self and no one else.
「 come join my 10k celebration 」
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primnroses · 11 months
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I saw you say Ino is the weakest f K12 but s far as I know, this is what Kishimoto implied and this is also what the novels implied, Ino and Sakura are still equal. This is not impossible and could be 60% true.
Sakura has the Byakugou Seal and Chakra-Infused Strength. She's so strong and can destroy buildings with one punch.
Ino's jutsus and abilities are not as flashy as Sakura. Her jutsus are kinda “lowkey” and “conservative.” However, despite being low-key, Ino's jutsus are actually powerful and scary. Mind-control is no joke. Also, her versions of Yamanaka Jutsus are deemed flawless. It's faster, doesn't need the target to be still, and can go with any distances. Ino, being a medic ninja is also stronger than an average ninja, she could send her enemies flying with one punch.
When it comes to Medicine, Sakura is far better than Ino but Ino is crowned as the best Sensory Ninja.
If they would ever fight, I would say that it is a mismatch. Unfair for some reason. Ino probably has the edge because there is no way Sakura can counter her mind jutsus. In physical combat, Ino would keep up but will lose eventually so I don't think she'd resort to punches and kicks. She'd trap Sakura with one of her jutsus the second their fight started. However, Sakura might also punch her the second their fight started.
I don't know, for some reason, I can't see a way for Sakura to win lmao. I guess, if her second mind would still work on Ino, maybe she'd win but I doubt it. Ino is expert with mind jutsus, I don't think Sakura would be able to break/defeat someone on something they are expert with. Especially, Sakura never developed her second mind.
Sakura is physically stronger but Ino's mental prowess is unmatched. So yeah, I guess they're still equal.
It doesn't matter if you ask me the same question on Tumblr or Twitter my answer will be the same. It made me crack by the way I laughed while reading all these nonsense.
First of all, you gave Ino Sakura's whole arsenal. Her medical and physical arsenal to be exact.
Kishimoto implied and this is also what the novels implied, Ino and Sakura are still equal.
When did Kishimoto or any novel ever imply Sakura and Ino are equals (and in battle of all things)? Saying Ino beats Sakura is like saying Ino beats Tsunade and NO ONE believes that.
Ino's jutsus are actually powerful and scary. Mind-control is no joke. Also, her versions of Yamanaka Jutsus are deemed flawless.
Ino's versions of Mind Body Switch are NOT flawless because frail little 13 year old Sakura could break free from it with her strong willpower. It doesn't matter if Ino was low on chakra, let's not pretend Sakura didn't stay up for 3 days alone protecting Sasuke and Naruto, fell for Orochimaru genjutsu, fought Team Dosu ALONE and then faced Ino. Both were very exhausted especially Sakura, a whole civilian with no battle experience yet she made a fool of the top kunoichi of the class. That alone shows how useless Ino is on a 1vs1 battle even said by herself in the fight against Kakuzu.
It's faster, doesn't need the target to be still, and can go with any distances.
Ino needs her targets to stay still, that's why she had to pin Sakura in their fight and why Ino-Shika-Cho formations exist. Or did you forget Shikamaru needs to trap the enemies with his technique before anyone can make their move? It's even said in the manga two times Ino's jutsu is only effective when he's with her. So you expect Sakura to stay still while she performs the jutsu? Sakura is a close to mid-range she moves in battle because she's a taijutsu specialist and a dodger. She's familiar with Ino's jutsu even before they fought and she broke free from it. Do you think she wouldn't break free from it now that she has grown so much more as a ninja and as an individual than Ino? What's Ino gonna do when she possesses Sakura's body? Have tea inside her mind? Fighting inside her psyche? Any 1vs1 inside or outside has the same outcome.
Ino, being a medic ninja is also stronger than an average ninja, she could send her enemies flying with one punch.
Medical ninja are not stronger than any other average ninja. CES only applies to Sakura and Tsunade, see how Shizune is Tsunade's first student and she can't use it. You gave Ino a whole skillset that belongs to Sakura. Ino doesn't have any of the strength you see in filler, because there you'd be comparing her overall power to Sakura at 12 punching Naruto and Ino several meters away and breaking their noses. She didn't even use CES against Sai and she damaged him. So you're comparing Ino's strength as a teen and adult with Sakura's raw strength at 12.
When it comes to Medicine, Sakura is far better than Ino but Ino is crowned as the best Sensory Ninja.
Ino is not the best sensory ninja, that's Karin. She's not even the best in Konoha that title belongs to Naruto and several others like Kiba, Shino and Hyūga who can perceive the enemy before she can. Her sensory range in Naruto was never good, she couldn't even locate Kakuzu and Hidan she had to use a bird, her scope is limited to her close surroundings. And in Boruto her range is equal to a machine.
I don't know, for some reason, I can't see a way for Sakura to win lmao. I guess, if her second mind would still work on Ino, maybe she'd win but I doubt it.
Saying you don't see Sakura winning is just biased and shows you actually don't know what either Sakura or Ino are capable of in battle. Sakura has experience and knowledge about Yamanaka hijutsu and has faced against one of their members, but has Ino fought against Sakura's medical and physical power? She has no experience. You also seem to forget that Sakura has a seal that acts as a coat, she can cover her own body in chakra, can trap ninjutsu with her own hands and has a giant summon that gathers intel for her and spews melting acid.
Ino is expert with mind jutsus, I don't think Sakura would be able to break/defeat someone on something they are expert with. Especially, Sakura never developed her second mind.
And Sakura is an expert in taijutsu and genjutsu. How does expertise work in Ino's favor but not on Sakura's? Tunnel vision and selective memory? Sakura never had a second mind, those where her inner thoughts she never voiced out, therefore it's called "Inner-Sakura".
Sakura is physically stronger but Ino's mental prowess is unmatched. So yeah, I guess they're still equal.
Sakura is physically stronger but also mentally stronger. She even broke free of Ōtsutsuki genjutsu please a small Mind Body Switch will do nothing but make Ino exhausted because Sakura has so much willpower and experience with it she can dispel it. People that have broke from Ino's mental prowess include Sakura and Obito. Again, it's NOT unmatched.
Why do you think Ino never fights solo? Because she CAN'T and that makes her the weakest Konoha girl. I didn't say it, her own writing and dependence on her team or any other ally to watch over her body or protect her is the reason.
Do you think her "lowkey" and "conservative" jutsu can even fight Tenten? She's hailed as the best bukijutsu user in the world and Ino has no protection against a swarm of weapons. Her taijutsu is terrible, her medical ninjutsu is useless in battle and it's not even good enough to heal, she doesn't have defense ninjutsu (especially not against a woman that makes buildings collapse) and her Yamanaka hijutsu only works on still targets and preestablised formations.
Please don't say they're equals it's embarrassing.
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dumplingsjinson · 1 year
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sooooo, i know i said i wasn't going to post anything personal, at least in regards to my dating life, on here but lo and behold! i'm a liar, but the person who found out about this account might never go onto my blog again (if you're here for some reason then hi? idk why you'd come back here but okay. i hope you're okay. and if you're not, i hope you will be okay. and also, this is NOT about the long distant guy that maybe one or two of you are familiar with). so, here goes: we broke off whatever it was that was going on. i don't like them back that way, and i don't see myself liking them back that way in the foreseeable future.
so we broke it off on good terms.
we're not going to talk anymore, and it definitely will take time getting used to since we did text back and forth everyday for the past two months, up until today. it will take time to get used to not seeing their name on my phone constantly, or waking up to their messages, but it'll eventually go back to how it used to be, when we never spoke before.
i admittedly do feel a little empty as of right now, which is a me issue entirely. maybe i'm dealing with the sadness of losing a connection i've made with someone? maybe i don't deserve to feel this sadness. i don't know. there was definitely a bit of a connection there, though ephemeral, even if it wasn't a romantic one. i think (i know) i'll be okay, and i really, really hope they'll be okay, too (because rejection doesn't feel good. it's never an easy pill to swallow, knowing you're not the one for that someone. it doesn't feel good to reject someone, either).
i think it'll be good for the both of us in the long run.
i'm still processing this whole thing, but i think it'll be okay soon. :) and i hope they find someone who will like them back, just as much, and if not, more, because they're someone who truly deserves that.
goodbyes aren't easy, and they hurt even when it comes to short-term bonds that were formed. that's all i can say.
(also that whole unmatch thing rant in which i've deleted by now is because i got my feelings hurt for like a day, and then i got over it really quick lmfao. i was talking to some other guy i matched with, and we vibed for a few days, and then he unmatched while we were setting up the date and that hurt translated into frustration and anger and a bruised ego, but i'm okay now, and to whoever said it was a bad break up or something - it wasn't lmao, i was just being a little wuss and had to vent. but i will die on the hill on how you're an asshole if you unmatch without any explanation, especially when you're in the middle of setting up a date. you're just bad at communication and it really, really shows. please work on that if that's what you do to other people, because it's never fun being on the receiving end of being basically ghosted.)
anyway, i'll try to post another prompt list tonight. these babies are pre-written, so my mood right now's not gonna affect them aha.
i will probably post more of my love life (read: online hoe life) again to the one person who bothers reading this shit, simply because nothing's stopping me, and i ALSO am NEVER going to be so dumb to accidentally give too many hints and reveal my tumblr like that to someone ever again lmfaooo. my mask stays ON, bitches!!
(and on an entirely different note that's not so fucking depressing and also very non-serious, i'm going on a date this sunday, and we're going to have oysters lmfao - i might end up calling him oyster dude - but i also don't have much expectations lmfao. they did ask me if we're still on for sunday just earlier today, and i said yes, but i'm prepped for getting unmatched outta no where because some of you men are Cowards. aNYWAY.)
this was a rollercoaster and a very undelightful mess, i'm tired, i have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for work, two of my brackets came fucking loose so i have to go to the ortho on monday to get that fixed, and i lowkey wanna die because of that, goodBYEEE.
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