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brandnewhuman · 1 year

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KAMSKI'S

DEVIANCY

STORY

∆ headcanons ∆

STARRING:

- my new favourite traumatised gen Z man -

(honorary mention to Gavin Reed and his aggressive gremlin vibe)

CONTENT:

Tw: childhood trauma, talks of abusive parents and implied nasty accidents, drug abuse, angst so much angst and no fucking comfort.

Summary: just me and my nasty little thoughts on how our brosky grow up

A/N: OFC I COME BACK WITH A POST AND THE FIRST THING I DO IS ANGST. I got too carried away with this stuff and i ended up deciding on maybe doing a part two if anyone would be interested. And yes, I didn't wait for the poll to be over cause I can already see this was everyone's favourite choice. IM ACTUALLY KIND OF NERVOUS CAUSE ITS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE I'VE POSTED SO HAVE FUCKING MERCY BROS anyway enjoy

///

This man as well as Gavin has a really big trauma baggage going on

I genuinely think that the Elijah we see in the game, while not entirely good with high morals like Connor, is not as bad as everyone is making him to be

He is the definition of fake it till you make it when it comes to confidence

I'm like 109% sure Elijah's family used to struggle with money or they never had to worry about it

there's no in between

I base that on the reason he "left" (mf was booted out of his own fucking company lol) cyberlife

Which btw, leading a whole fucking company when you're still a teenager wasn't fun, 0/10, he would not recommend

He has been taken advantage of in the most horrid way possible and I think that's why he is now that type of person who never does something for nothing

He has never shown an interest on making his creations for the sole purpose of profiting from them as much as he can

He has always wanted to do much more even at cost of not getting any financial benefit from it

That says two possible things

He has seen the effect money has on people and hates the idea of turning out to be money hungry like his parents, sacrificing something much more important and dear to him just for the sake of money

Which can come from either his parents pushing him so much just because they knew he was their only chance to get a the life they wanted and the sort of money they struggled to make

Or because he has seen how his family has ruined lives or relationships for the sake of keeping their high quality life and how they have pushed that idea onto Gavin and him too which ended up in Gavin not being looked after most of time since he was not fitting their standards of heartless high achiever from whom they could get something too

I would probably tend to believe more the poor background because of how Elijah presents himself

He's very laid back even tho he has the means to be more fancy

The few things ones see of his house during the game makes me believe that he's not very much into opulence but more in indulging himself with stuff he gets joy from rather than spend money on things that show off his wealth

And because I want to, like as a treat to myself

MOVING ON

I've already said it but I'll mention it again for context purpose

Gavin and Elijah are siblings. I know many in the fandom say they might be cousins but I like the siblings idea more

or it could be full siblings but because Gavin resents Elijah he just changed his last name so he wouldn't have to be associated to him or his family

Either way they don't get along anymore because how their parents treated them which is why they grow apart

They were not the type of parents who physically abuse but they did emotional abuse their kids

Gavin and Elijah were put against each quite a lot and they never got the chance to fucked up or do what they really wanted cause they parents made it very clear that their love and affection depended on how much the kids met their standards

And even between each other they weren't the best example as either adults, a couple or parents

Which ended up making Elijah's social interactions and relationships very difficult

I can see Elijah being one of those really delicate and surprisingly sensitive kids growing up

Like I feel like he had struggled a great deal with regulating how much and how often he showed emotions and because of that he got bullied a lot

LIKE HE WAS THE TYPE OF KID TO ALWAYS BE SO EXCITED WHEN TALKING ABOUT STUFF HE LIKED OR ALWAYS READY TO GIVE HUGS TO ANYONE

Which ended up in either getting his feelings crushed by people telling him he was annoying or not even listening to him at all

The only person who always had the patience and the willingness to match his energy when it came to certain things was Gavin

They absolutely defended each other at school even tho Elijah almost always ended up eating shit because he wasn't as strong as he thought himself to be

Bro got his physical demonstration of affection bullied out of him cause kids are cruel, adults are shit and my man here didn't stood a fucking chance

IN FACT i bet he got to a point where it genuinely weirded out when his parents tried to hug him or touch him in general cause he already learn that wasn't "their thing"

I truly believe he didn't always give a single flying fuck about androids and being a scientist in general

I bet he wanted to do something more artistic as a kid and he was very good at it but his parents always told him that being an artist is not a real job and it's a useless hobby because it doesn't gives you anything to live of from

So he just like kind of made being extremely good at school his whole personality

Like he altogether stopped having any type of hobbies ecc and if he did he just forced himself to not indulge in them

Which ended up in isolating him even more from other kids

He was basically already an adult when he was supposed to just be a kid and have fun

And obviously,besides Gavin, no one really understood him

He was too emotionally stunted for kids to relate or interact with him and adults were just overall condescending with him

The only time teachers or other adults noticed him was because of his academic results

It was Gavin who accidentally planted in him the idea of creating his own friends

Gavin loved to read classics and that's a hill I'm willing to die on

He stopped because when he started working he didn't had time

Elijah's enjoyed reading too which, again, was Gavin's doing

His favourite book was obviously Frankenstein

Which btw the Frankestein shirt he wears in the game? That's 100% Gavin's gift and he wears it as some sort of lucky charm

That was the one he used to borrow more frequently from Gavin

The thing went more or less like this

They both were arguing about whether or not the doctor went too far with certain things and, most importantly, if the creature did really deserve to live or not

Obviously Elijah took the side of the monster and Gavin said that of course he was siding with the creature since he did too acted always like he has been alive for like two days instead of 13

Which lead to Gavin making a reference to bicentennial man

Which he didn't understand cause he has never saw that movie before

One thing lead to another and Gavin made Elijah watch the movie which was what sparked the idea of androids in Elijah

YES, HE WAS INSPIRED BY THAT MOVIE AND NOT I ROBOT. THAT MOVIE WAS ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING AND IT'S WAY BETTER ROBOT REPRESENTATION THAN I ROBOT

At that point Elijah was already like a fucking genius and was way ahead his grade even tho he didn't think until then what career he wanted to pursue

The problems between him and Gavin were already starting cause their parents started to notice how smart was Elijah compared to Gavin

At first he thought it was unfair to him because they didn't let him have fun or go out like Gavin

They pushed him to his limit and there have been a couple of incidents where, if it wasn't for Gavin that cared for his well being despite what was going on, elijah would've ended up really bad

then he started to notice how it was unfair to Gavin as well

because they were actually just not giving a flying fuck about what he did since it wasn't important anymore

It made him sick with guilt to see how their parents were visibly struggling to even do the bare minimum as parents when it came to gavin

And Elijah was already starting to have other type of troubles

being that young and skip grades where you ended up in a class full of older people wasn't the best and he did start to take very poor decisions just to make himself liked

It was some sort of silent rebellion too

He started taking drugs which initially were meant to just help him show his classmates he was "mature" enough

And then he just started to need them to power through everything he needed to do

He was so hellbent on his idea of creating a sentient being that could emulate humans if not perfectly even better that he didn't even care what he had to do in order to achieve it

And at that point both Gavin and Elijah hated their parents so he had no problems in using their "help" to get what he needed

I personally believe, like I said in the other post, that something really fucked up happened between Gavin and Elijah which resulted in a major fallout between them

Maybe it's because lately I've been thinking about hereditary (idk why since I have never seen the movie but whatever man) and the fact that I've seen the parents go batshit crazy because the son accidentally killed her sister (?)

BUT I'M UNFORTUNATELY HAVING THE WORST IDEA EVER

Elijah's parents are overprotective with him not out of love but out of interest cause exploiting your kid is always a great family bonding activity to choose

And they try to keep him and Gavin as apart as possible cause they think Gavin would "ruin" him and his future with his influence

So I feel like Elijah was pestering Gavin to sneak out together and do some cool teenager stuff he didn't get to do before as an attempt to bond with his bro again

Elijah was high as kite and that mixed with stupid teenager ideas and reckless rebellious teenage behaviour doesn't mix well

Long story short Elijah and Gavin got into a pretty bad accident and Gavin (fortunately or unfortunately depending on the point of view) got out of it without much harm

But Elijah did got pretty fucked up bro NGL

I can see how that, the fact that Elijah was not there to testify the fact that Gavin didn't do anything wrong and that it wasn't his fault, and the doctors finding traces of drugs in Elijah system obviously didn't ended up well

You can imagine their parents reaction

That was the point where I think Gavin broke off contact with his family completely and just got the fuck out of there

Like I said I can imagine Elijah carrying the guilt for the rest of his life and has never actually had the courage to try and contact Gavin after that

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO SAY BUT I FEEL I MADE THIS TOO LONG SO YEAH

#elijah kamski #elijah kamski dbh #elijah kamski headcanon #dbh fandom #dbh headcanons #detroit become human fandom #detroit become human headcanons #dbh fanfic #elijah kamski fanfic #neil newbon #detroit become human #detroit become human fanfic

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hexyz09 · 2 years

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Idea 5: Vanessa visits the graves of her victims and sees ghosts

I didn't think I'd be doing more of these, but here we are.

An idea that I've seen exceedingly few fics try and cover is Vanessa encountering the ghosts of the people whom she (as Vanny) murdered after the 3-star ending.

I am unsure as to how one would make this situation happen. Maybe it could be a dream.

A scenario that I like most has to do with the idea that Vanessa visits the graves of the children she (no vanny) killed. After she was freed, she reported the location of the bodies so that they could recieve a proper burial. Vanessa knows that it isn't enough, she doesn't think that she will ever be able to do enough to atone for what she did to all of those children (it wasn't you, it was Vanny.) At the very least she tries to go and visit their graves once a week, making sure to bring flowers for them everytime. Vanessa doesn't say anything during the visits, what is there to say? "I'm sorry?" Yeah right, as if SHE is deserving of forgiveness...

I really like it because there are a lot of things you could potentially cover, including:

How would the ghosts react to seeing the freed Vanessa? Would the children be enraged? If so, what would they do?

Or would they be able to see that the person in front of them is not really the same as the one who murdered them, not mentally, at least? Maybe (relating back to idea 2: "Vanessa is good with kids") the children who were taught by her would be able to convince the other children of this.

How about the therapists? They would likely be more willing to listen, being adults trained in understanding psychological conditions.

One could discuss how Vanessa has been dealing with having 2 sets of childhood memories, a fake abusive one (put there by Glitchtrap for reasons of being a dick) and her true, standard, evidently normal one.

And, of course, we can't forget Vanessa. What would she do? It is most likely that she would curl up into a ball and await the punishment that she thinks she deserves (she doesn’t). After all, it is HER fault, right? (No, it’s Vanny's.)

If you include Gregory in this encounter, he, being the "no fear" gremlin that he is, would probably try and start to defend his… uh… paternal guardian of unspecified rank in some way, either by trying to explain that Vanny is no more, or try and actually fight the ghosts.

As you can see, there are many ways that I think someone can make a mini story out of this concept.

Many ways to go about this indeed! Though personally I'm of the belief that there're two different people being talked too on those Therapy Tapes, so I can't really think much on the two sets of childhood memories bit.

But yeah! It is an interesting thought, about how Vanessa would react to the Ghost's of the kid's Vanny murdered using her body. How would they react to all this? What's more, where would they even be, especially since the last batch of murdered kids were haunting Animatronics.

All in all. Yes. Greggy would indeed be in it~ Wouldn't make much sense for him to "not" be in it considering he's living with the woman. And I doubt he'd want to see, or here her suffering a mental breakdown, cause when the goes get down to it, he'd probably grab some knuckle dusters and sprinkle some holy water on em. XP

#fnaf security breach #fnaf gregory #fnaf #fnaf sb #gregory fnaf #five nights at freddy's #halogenrobotics ask #vanessa fnaf #murdered kids #ghosts

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icharchivist · 8 months

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I feel like Merlin did the right thing. He knew he wouldn't be able to take care of these kids

Can you imagine?

Arthur would have wilted like a flower and Mordred would have become as unbearably emo as Merlin himself

This man is not fit to raise children

Also what was that about him having a baby face?

honestly? yeah i mean. If he really couldn't take care of the kids, it's probably best that he left them in the care of adults who could, in fact, take care of them.

I also genuinely feel like Merlin probably couldn't have handled them, considering how deep in his grief he was, and how we see him basically ignore Rowley (whom he created), or how he acts mostly on autopilot around his subordonate.

one could argue maybe actually trying to make an effort for the kids could have helped, but considering what we know, with the state his grief left him into, he would have been a terrible father figure.

So, him abandonning the kids into the orphanage was probably the right thing to do.

What i question is why Feendrache when your ultimate goal is to make Feendrache pay for all of this. Wouldn't you just set up the kids to be caught in a crossfire? couldn't you have left them in Dalmore or in Wales? Countries who had beef with Feendrache in the past to start with? Wales also welcomed refugees of wars.

Or did he mistrust Feendrache this much? and consider it was best to hide the kids right under Feendrache's nose? Does he expect Feendrache to come and hunt down the heir of Hibergrief's throne otherwise? Because of it's that, it probably implies that the "sins of Feendrache" wasn't JUST that they failed to come to Hibergrief's help. It is implied that it's a possibility Feendrache actually took advantage of Hibergrief being destabilized by he war to destroy them. If it's the case, i wouldn't particularly blame Merlin for sending them to Feendrache, but ooooh boy it will particularly hurt Siegfried, considering it all happened under Josef's reign and Siegfried had a blind loyalty to his king. (even if i do think Isabela will probably get most of the blame at the end of it all)

But if Feendrache really just failed to answer their demand for help and didn't actually intend to hunt down the heir of Hibergrief, then Merlin really put those kids on the path of his revenge. That said i suppose even if feendrache just abandonned Hibergrief, they would want to tie the loose ends to be sure no one would take revenge on them for that.... or they'd be hunting down the Sheath which would put Mordred in danger. But in that case, i still don't know if putting the kids in Feendrache is wise.

It's especially noteworthy when you see the schemes Merlin had done in the past few years and the way it directly endangered the kids. The skeleton dragon attack in Divergent Knighthood, the attack on the parade in Fire!LanVane, Gunther and Siegfried's rampage in SIEGFRIED, as well as Gunther taking the kids hostage and threatening to kill them while he was working under Merlin's orders (tho Merlin probably didn't order anything about the kids, it was all about destabilizing Siegfried, it's just that Gunther was a loose canon), and Merlin's attempt at triggering wars between Dalmore&Wales and Feendrache at least twice, the second time while the kids had already joined Feendrache's military and would have been directly put on the line if a war broke out. Hell, Mordred and Arthur almost died because of a scheme Merlin put into motion in The Strength to Wield. So much for making sure the kids are safe.

Not to mention that the orphanage he dropped the kids into was always near a border and therefore in instable situation. in SIEGFRIED the kids talk about how they have had a lot of hardship because of the conflicts breaking once in a while in there (Siegfried's flashback about the death of his godson happens nearby the orphanage Mordred and Arthur grew up in while the kids were still there to start with). AND that because of the position of that orphanage, Mordred and Arthur grew up in poverty and actually ended up resulting in petty thieves a lot to get by before they joined knighthood (their introduction in Divergent Knighthood is about that).

So honestly it's not that Merlin abandonned them to the orphanage the problem, he could never take care of those kids.

the problem is that, by this choice of leaving them HERE out of anywhere else, he doomed them to a painful life always at the center of conflict, and Merlin started to make his massive moves against Feendrache the moment the kids joined the knighthood and every single one of his schemes have endangered the kids drastically in some way or another. (even if there is to argue that it's why Cruz is there since in every single of those situations Cruz helped Mordred and Arthur out, however considering Cruz also worked to undo Merlin's schemes, there is a question of how much of Cruz's actions to protect Mordred and Arthur are actually under Merlin's orders and how much of it is him rebelling against it)

so yeah Merlin is not fit to raise children, but he's not fit to even be a distant uncle. This man is a menace.

AS FOR HIS BABY FACE PLEASE LOOK AT HIM

also bonus, Mordred and Arthur's fathers just roasting the hell out of him:

so yeah he's been Going Through.

#also this is my reminder that u need to look at how Merlin's current designs #has him wearing Uriens' hairpiece as a necklace #except it's broken so it's implied he got it back after Uriens' death #just. many thoughts.#ichafantalks gbf #anonymous #ichablogging 4kishi #ichareply

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strawberry-nugget · 3 years

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Oddly specific bnha headcanons

Characters: Deku, Bakugo, Kirishima, Kaminari, Jirou, All Might, Endeavor, Hawks, Dabi

A/N: I'm finally back from my mini hiatus and I finally finished a part of my never ending cursed head canons and I also hit a new milestone so I feel like you all deserve this attempt of mine at comedy for the love I've been getting...I'm also sorry, this is a wild ride, and as you're reading you might wonder why did I make these? And the answer is, simply, because I can 😭, no lol though true... I'm soft so if these made you laugh and you leave an LMAO comment I'll think about it forever uwu. I've talked about most of these with my dear friend @aichiin, who is an amazing artist whom should support in all platforms uwu bye

Warnings: some of this content is NSFW, 18+, so if you're under 18 DO NOT INTERACT

Disclaimer: everyone is at least of 18 years of age

• I can't explain why, and we've seen Endeavor texting shoto in canon but... I feel like probably his texts look like this: …..shoto why aren't you Answering your phone…

….tell fuyumi to make you soba… .

… ……are you still friends with that rude boy from school..

…I don't want any take out dont get any for me tell natsuo that I'm sorry and try to ask him if he's changed his mind about forgiving me.…

• All might opens a Facebook account a month before the beloved class graduates as his way to keep on touch with everyone after they're off to fight crime and lives his life as the ultimate Facebook mom and thinks he's texting people but apparently posting on your Facebook wall isn't texting. He has probably made a thousand posts asking midoriya how it works until people just, they just, accept it, I guess, there's nothing else they can do. He uses the Facebook mom tulip emoji and writes in all cap. Give him credit for being so sweet tho.

And probably it goes like this: "💞🥰🌷🤣WHAT AN AMAZING SUNDAY. GOOD MORNING YOUNG MIDORIYA HOW HAVE YOU BEEN" Ofc he will not hesitate to use all these emojis unironically, in fact, he doesn't know that is the ironic use of an emoji, leave him alone

(Comments on the post most probably go like this: Bakugo: I EXIST TOO YOU OLD HAG, FUCK YOU DEKU, I DIDN'T BRING YOU TO THIS WORLD BUT I SURE WILL TAKE YOU OUT. MOTHERFUCKER.

Denki: mister al mght do we have english tomorrow ?

Momo: @denki, no but we have literature, hello mister all might sir, have a nice day too

All might: YOUNG BAKUGO PLEASE WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE 🤣 YOUNG KAMINARI, AS YOUNG YAOYOROZU SAID YOU HAVE LITERATURE AFTER MY CLASS📜 HAVE A BEAUTIFUL EVENING YOUNG YAOYOROZU🌷

• I'm sorry for this but.... Midoriya, Denki and Kirishima probably lick their finger after they absolutely drill it in their noses but here's the deal

Midoriya inspects what he fished out like thoroughly, Denki dissociates while staring at it, and Kirishima does so straight out of his nose

• Someone told Shoto that Saiki K is based on true events and he genuinely believes it and tries to find Saiki K, claiming that he is the answer to all of his problems. Is very subtle about it tho.

• I think that in part one of these atrocious head canons we established that Keigo would willingly put effort to find the clit, right? Listen he probably asks what's the concept of the clit, like why is it outside and not inside- wait you have another spot inside, yeah? He's is so confused and for what? Won't stop for it mid sex but he searches reproduction organ anatomy later on on google because he brought some questions in his brain that need answers. On the clit. You heard me right.

• Dabi looks like he once had a break up that was so rough that he opened a Twitter just to drag the other person down. For once, I won't go into detail and will let your imaginations run wild.

• I have to do a a cursed one for Bakugo right? Well yeah uhm, he probably was caught flexing his muscles in the mirror during vacation, totally naked too, by one of his friends in his group and screamed in a high pitched voice and picked up that little hotel room fridge to cover himself up and chased them around the hotel room until he just crushed the poor item. To the floor? Because he tried to use it as a cover up and it just slipped... It's even worse if the friend was a potential s/o. He'll scream like one of the screaming/simping TikTok sounds.

• Bakugo also really hates chairs. Idk why I have this headcanon, but I know it in my heart that this man, as an adult, only has those round weird- ish IKEA stools around the kitchen table that's all. No more chairs. Nothing.

• this is too self indulgent but Kirishima and Deku look like the people who, while washing forks, spoons etc they create whole stories about them and treat them like characters, and others would just look at them so confused as to why it takes 16 minutes to wash off a spoon and why are they also crying but you wouldn't understand. This spoon is Cinderella. Back off and let. them. finish. their. stories.

• I feel like Jirou has phases where she only wants to wear black but then she sees a nice pair of jeans and buys it, and then buys some more and then she gets mad about having blue jeans and she dyes them, but then she grows out of that phase for a few months and she tries to find ways to make the fabric paint fade away

• I also think that she, after spending a little time with Momo, spends money on a lot of clothes, and it's not like Momo buys too many clothes, but Jirou always wants to upgrade her wardrobe and ends up feeling lost on what she wants to wear

• Denki and Kirishima turn into the same person a little more every single time they hang out together. You'll listen to Denki say 'manly' all the time and Kirishima starts trying to find leather jackets that look cool on him, and just adopts Dennis speaking habits.

#bnha #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha fanfiction #denki kaminari #kirishima x reader #eijirou kirishima #momo yaoyozoru #endeavor #dabi x reader #dabi #all might #mha #bnha fan fiction #bnha cursed heacanons

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aroturier · 2 years

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So Now That's Sorted...

Maybe I'll be able to post my thoughts on the latest chpter (187.)

Poor Bard.

Well, we all knew it was coming, right? But did anyone else feel like the penny might've dropped too? Like, perhaps there's a reason why this got released on the same date as Agni died five years ago?

Well, maybe that was just a coincidence. But cast your mind back. Remember what we could tell about the person who killed Agni? Well, obviously they liked knives. Like, REALLY liked knives. We couldn't decide if there was one or two assailants, but we knew at least one of them wore a hooded coat-robe, a garment we've since identified as the one the goons on Undertaker's side seem to favour. In fact they're all wearing them in the scenes today. But Yana has taken care to show us their chins, that none of them are anything like the dainty, childlike chin on the robed assassin who did for Agni.

I think that was what first started me thinking. We've just been presented with a less than adult sized character wielding a knife who has a very childlike face.

Now I just read someone speculating that maybe she's more than she appears to be, since a child wouldn't be expected to have the arm strength to stab into a grown man's body deep enough to puncture his lung the way this bint's just done. Bard's spitting up blood, ergo he's been stabbed deeply, his lung is punctured. So yeah, maybe she is more than she appears. Doesn't make much sense having a little girl as a nurse in a sanitorium anyway, so she's about as odd and out of place as she can be. But earlier Yana drew a couple of dwarfs who were acrobats in the circus arc without doing much research on the conditions that cause dwarfism, so for the longest time the younger readers were largely unaware Peter and Wendy weren't children and us adults were a little puzzled as well. So this, too, might be a person born with dwarfism. Or the reanimated body of someone with that condition, or unusual strength might be a by-product of that process we just haven't been made aware of yet or she could be some sort of supernatural. But that is neither here nor there to me right now. What I want to talk about is who she might be.

The question I want to pose is, could this girl or woman the murderer of Agni? And a lot more upsettingly, might this girl have been involved in the entire story of what happened to Ciel and his brother right from the get-go? Have any of you noticed yet the placement of that knife wound? Did anyone see that the first stab wound Agni got was a low one as well? He didn't get the ones up in his shoulders until after he was on his knees, already dying, hanging onto that doorknob, protecting his prince. Did anyone happen to notice where Tanaka was stabbed the night of the twins' birthday party? Exactly the same spot as Bard. In the back, so low several people thought R!Ciel might've done it. Right at the point of the scapula, right where somebody who knew their anatomy would stab and then twist to try and reach the heart from the back.

Could be a big coincidence. Or not. Yana's a great one for fooling us with what's just out of our eyeline and hidden by speech bubbles and such. If the pint-sized nurse isn't smiling though, she looks quite a lot like the person with the knives who did for Agni. But to be fair, so would R!Ciel. What most of us who enjoy this speculation game do feel fairly certain of is there were two assailants that day at the townhouse: one with a gun, the one whom Soma was sure was the earl, (and jeez, I'm just sure he's going to come back and kill our Ciel or give it his best shot,) and one wearing a hood who was wielding knives.

I'll say it again. I think we are rounding the last turn and heading into the final stretch of this story. Of course, at the rate of only this many pages a month, it might take us another fifteen years to finish it.

Thoughts?

#Bardroy #Baldroy #Baldo #Bard #kuroshitsuji/black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler #Theories #speculation #Layla (kuroshitsuji)

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johnkrrasinski · 4 years

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burning desire;

full masterlist

Pairings: Ari Levinson x reader x August Walker

Word count: 2,779

Warning: SMUT!!!! familial sex (step-uncle & niece), threesome, dirty talk, mentions of alcohol.

Summary: your step-uncle, ari levinson, brought a friend, august walker to his house one night during you stayover and things heated up real fast.

a/n: this idea popped into my head out of nowhere and i just had to write it immediately. (my other wips are sobbing so hard right now) enjoy! please leave a comment & like.

The mid-August air feels clammy on your skin, and the daylight glared brightly into your eyes, but thank the heavens that you were clad in nothing but your pastel pink bikini and your eyes were protected by your heart-shaped sunglasses. you always loved basking in the sun in uncle Ari's pool in his massive backyard. Your parents were currently out of town for business matters, as they always were and when they were away, you always stayed at uncle Ari's place.

His place was only thirty minutes away from your parents' house and you always loved coming over to his house. What's not to love? The fact that it was just as huge as your parents', designed grandiosely and located in a secluded area made you wish you could just move here. Not that your parents' was any less palatial but- okay, honestly, your parents' house was just as fancy and you were the princess ruling your little castle, so what was really the reason that you wanted to move here so badly?

If you're being honest to yourself, it was because of your ridiculously good-looking uncle. Seriously, the man had no right to be that attractive at that age. He was nearing his 40's and he could still make every woman in his path weak on the knees. His cerulean blue eyes, the thick beard and those ripped muscles never ceased to make a particular part of your body tingle when he is nearby. It wasn't helping either that he'd touch you so close to the part where you wanted him the most when you two were alone, or that he would speak in a really low tone by your ear, causing you to shiver. And you definitely didn't miss those flirty glances when he thought you weren't watching or when you were dressed in something a tad provocative.

It was as if you were playing a secret cat and mouse game that you were both aware of and you both kept playing but no one dared to admit to partake in it or put it to an end by making a move. The tension in the dining table when your parents invited him to come over for dinner or when it was just the two of you watching a film on the couch and you would lift your legs and fold them so your bare thighs would be displayed for him (which you would pretend you weren't aware of its effect on him.)

You were lost in your daydreams of him tearing that bikini off your body and fucking you rough in this pool as the water splattered around you when you heard his voice.

"Enjoying yourself?" his smirk was smug as if he could see the pornographic movie that was playing in your head.

"Uncle! give a girl a warning, will you?" you tried to maintain your composure, not wanting to show him the wet stain in your thong.

He walked closer to you and crouched down to your level. "Didn't wanna disturb you, you looked so relaxed, I thought I'd give you a few more minutes." Was he watching you? How long had he been standing there? "I got a friend coming over tonight, to watch the game. Just wanted to let you know."

"it's your house uncle, you don't need my permissions to have a friend come over." You chuckled.

"I wasn't asking for permission sweetheart, I was just informing you so you wouldn't be startled to see a stranger in the living room," he stood back up. "I got some errands to run. I'll see you tonight." you scoffed. Curt and enigmatic as always.

You were lounging in the room that Ari specifically spared for you. There were six bedrooms in his house alone and five of them were empty. He figured you must have your own personal space every time you visited. You walked to the kitchen to grab some snacks when you were stopped by Ari’s voice calling your name.

“C’mere, say hi to my friend, August.”

The sight of the man sitting on the couch next to your uncle stopped you in your tracks. My God, he looked like a Greek god. His sleek black hair was combed to the side and moustaches weren’t your thing but damn, he rocked it so well. His blue eyes took your breath away as he smiled at you and shook your hand.

“Oh, so you’re the friend uncle told me about.”

“Well, your uncle here doesn't have that many friends so I might be the only friend of his you’ll ever hear.” oh, the things his voice is making you feel…

You chuckled, “well, I don’t wanna be a bother. You guys are watching the game, right? I was about to grab some-”

“No, of course not. Come, sit. We can all enjoy the game together, right?” He took a sip of his beer.

“I’m not really into-”

“We insist.” His tone left no room for argument.

“…okay, I guess.” August and Ari made a room on the couch for you so you sat between them. To say you were nervous was an understatement. A million scenarios were going through your head right now. The image of being sandwiched between these two bulky men with your clothes off was making you uneasy. You were only wearing a big loose shirt that barely reached your mid-thighs. You weren’t wearing any undergarments except a black lace thong because it was summer and petit clothing items were all you packed. (Not like you were trying to impress a certain person, not at all.)

“You want one?” August offered you a drink. “Yeah, sure.” You were an adult now so what’s the harm in one? Your parents were thousands of miles away and it wasn’t like you had to worry about dealing with the hangover in the morning.

August put his arm on the headrest, behind your head and it made your breath hitch. You put your leg over the other to cover the arousal growing in your extremely minimum underwear. Ari took a sip of his beer and then spread his legs and the side of his thigh graze yours and you were growing hotter every second. It was as if they could sense your arousal and fooled around to rile you. You had to take control over your breathing but it was getting more challenging every passing minute.

“So, y/n, what are your plans for college?” August broke the silence.

“I actually am in college. I’m currently in my second year and I always come home during summer.”

“Oh, you certainly don’t look like any older than nineteen. My bad.”

“It’s alright, uncle.”

“August is fine.” He was watching you intently as if he was paying attention to every detail on your face. What was he looking for?

“What are you studying?”

“I’m in fashion design.”

“Suits you.” He winked, retreating his arm from the headrest, to open another bottle of beer.

August asked you several questions about yourself and you answered every single one. After a couple more bottles and the soothing sound of the TV, you found yourself getting drowsy. It felt nice being in the presence of these two beautiful men so you let yourself drift away. You didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep on Ari’s shoulder. When Ari called your name in a low voice and you didn’t open your eyes, Ari and August looked at each other and were ready to execute their plan.

Little did you know Ari had been talking about you to August for months. Who was he kidding? Of course, Ari was attracted to you. You were hot, young and promiscuous. Also, something about the fact that you were his brother's stepdaughter turned him on even more. He and August had been friends since college and they shared a lot of things ever since. They had many hookups with women whom they shared with. They were also business partners of a company that had bestowed them a lot of fortune. Hence Ari’s swanky place and the fact that he stayed single throughout all these years. He was never the ‘settle down’ type. He never told you about his business partner, you only knew that he existed, you just didn’t know his identity.

August sniffed your scent on your open neck, and the vanilla smell turned him on. He began to spread your legs and caressed your thigh until he reached your underwear. He chuckled when he felt the delicate material on his fingers, “she’s practically begging for us to fuck her brains out on this couch.”

“You should see what she wears every day in this house, it’s like she wants me to pounce on her,” Ari replied.

“She’s soaked. She should’ve just asked, we would’ve obliged immediately.” August rubbed you in circular motions through your thong and when he felt you growing wetter, he pushed your panties to the side and inserted two fingers into your entrance.

You gasped in your slumber, feeling something scissoring you open but your head was too fuzzy to figure out what was happening. August curled his fingers and stroked your G-spot and your breathing became ragged. You began to stir and mumbled under your breath. Your brows furrowed and when August’s fingers moved faster in and out of you and Ari began fondling your breasts through your thin shirt, your opened your eyes.

“Uncle Ari…”

“Shh, just sit back and enjoy, sweetheart. We’re gonna make you feel good.” He whispered sultrily in your ear. You whimpered when August’s thumb circled your clit, causing your head to spin. “God, you’re so hot. I’ve been waiting to put my dick into this tight pussy for months now.” August whispered in your other ear.

Your hand went into August’s wrist, needing to hold onto something. You knew this was wrong, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to tell them to stop or get up and run to your room. Ari’s hand went to your jaw to turn your head to him and kissed you with fervently. He licked your bottom lip and you made room for his tongue to tangle itself with yours. You were making out on the couch with your uncle as his friend had his knuckles buried deep in you.

You felt your muscles tightening and then the dam broke, making a mess all over August’s fingers. He watched your expression as you hit your peak. The image of you losing your mind sent electricity right to their cocks and they were eager for more now. They couldn’t wait to see the face you were going to make when they gave you a bigger one.

You thought they would at least give you a few seconds of repose after the onslaught but you should’ve known better. You knew that Ari was a hustler when it comes to what his heart desired. And now, his body yearned for you and he didn’t waste any time in undressing you from the scanty garments you had on.

August sucked on the sensitive spot of your neck, leaving little love bites here and there before biting the spot where he wanted to mark you. You bit your lip at the thought of parading around Ari’s house with those sensual bruises reminding of the sinful act the three of you committed last night. You didn’t think as far as how you were going to act around Ari now after tonight but you were surely hoping that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

Ari was still possessing your mouth with his, his plump lips felt soft on yours and they tasted even better than your fantasy. Ari pulled his lips away from yours and looked at his partner, “should we do doggy or missionary?” Ari asked as if you weren’t there at all.

“Missionary, I wanna see those tits bounce,” he smirked against your skin.

“Fuck yeah,” Ari keened.

They began stripping and you couldn’t help but watch. My God, they were sculpted to perfection by the hands of God themselves. The sweat on their skin made them glow from the ray of the TV. They pulled down their pants and their massive cocks sprung free and you could’ve come right there. Their packages were impressive, would they even fit inside you? You were drooling at the sight and you needed them to fill you up right now or you were going to explode.

“Lay back,” Ari commanded.

You did as he said and folded your legs to make room for Ari. The couch was large enough to fit two more people in here but you needed them as close as possible. Ari knelt on the couch and August was above your head. They both began stroking themselves as they kept their eyes on your naked body. Ari was staring at your drenched pussy and August imagined spurting all over your breasts.

“Open your lips, little girl.” You obliged and August pushed the tip of his cock into your lips and he pushed deeper until the tip hit the back of your throat. You looked up at him staring down at you with a predatory look. Ari pushed his cock into your entrance and your tight walls welcomed him with open arms causing him to throw his head back and groaned.

Ari had his hands on your thighs to keep them apart and he began pulling out until only the tip was left in you and pushed back vigorously like he was trying to invade your body. August began moving at the same pace, and he groped your breasts, pinching the nipples. The sting elicited a moan out of you, causing a delightful vibration flowing in his bones.

“Fuck, you’re as tight as I imagined,” Ari grunted. Your warmth wrapped his girth and he pounded into you as your breasts jiggled from the rough pounding. He lifted your legs onto his shoulders so he could delve deeper. He impaled the spot that made you forget your name and you clenched around him. The squelching noises that your pussy made blended with his pre-cum were lewd.

August grunted as you took him in your mouth as much as you could. You struggled to control your breathing with Ari ramming into you mercilessly and August’s size intruding your throat but you were getting off on it. You felt every inch of them inside you, the velvety skin and the raw taste were intoxicating. You hollowed your cheeks and let August use you. Let them both use you like a rag doll.

Soon, you were both moving in sync as the couch squeaked due to the impetuous action happening on it. Ari accelerated, chasing his own orgasm and you pulsated. The familiar pressure forming once more, ready to burst any second now. His cock throbbed and you tightened around him. A few more deep-seated thrusts and he came undone, painting your walls with his hot cum and filling you up so well.

You fell apart beneath him as well, moaning in ecstasy around August. If you weren’t muffled by his cock, you would’ve screamed so loud. You trembled and your legs shook. He pulled out of you and watched his juices leak out of you. The soreness between your thighs was pleasant and you were completely spent from Ari alone but you were definitely satisfied. If only your parents could see the blasphemous act you and your uncle had just committed. And you weren’t even finished yet.

August chased his own climax as well, needing to release the tension in his muscles. Profanities fell from his lips as he released on your tongue and you swallowed every drop of him. You were a sweet tooth but his salty taste had you addicted. You whimpered and panted on the couch, hoping that one of them would give you a warm bath to clean you up and bring you to your comfortable bed and wrap you in your blanket but then,

“We’re not done yet, princess.” August and Ari switched places and now August was kneeling between your legs while Ari was above your head. God, you were so worn out, you didn’t know if you had any more energy left in you to take them again. “You’re all ours tonight. And we’re gonna keep playing with until we’re satisfied. And trust me, we are far from being satisfied.” August whispered huskily in your ear as his raging hard cock penetrated you and Ari pushed himself through your opening lips and you could taste yourself on every inch of him.

Looks like it was going to be a long night.

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aquanology · 3 years

Text

SHE LI ANALYSIS CAUSE I CAN!!! (THANKS FOR 50+ FOLLOWERS AND NO THERE'S NOTHING MISSING IN HERE ITS 50+)

Yo so I've reached 50 followers a long while ago and I wanted to do something big but I hesitated and didn't know what to do...I thought a lot about it and it's here. The long awaited She li analysis, I was waiting for the new chapter so I can make this. Anyways I hope you enjoy it (or maybe not?)

So from far away people wo see She li as a Bully Mo and when they learn that his family posses good amounts of money, everyone would see him as a rich brat and I wouldn't blame them, Though that's not all there's to it. it's much deeper and yes I have 5000 IQ how did you know?

Now his childhood wasn't that great looking at how he was surrounded by maids and not his parents most of the time, mostly because they were busy working and when they weren't busy doing work they would be busy arguing about things that little She li didn't know much about.

It was pretty lonely even if people would surround him be it the maids, the other adults or even other kids he wasn't getting the attention of his parents. He might've thought that he wasn't important enough for his parents to spare a moment or two to spend time with him or atleast for his parents to look at his way. He hated their noisy fights and so, like any kid who didn't want to listen to his parent's loud arguments!that might've seemed like a broken record for him at the time, he would go outside to distracte himself. I don't know how many times he had to do this to ignore the pain that his parent's loud fighting has been causing to him, and I don't know how long he spent his time doing that (probably as long as the fighting continued) but I'm pretty sure that what we saw from She Li's flashback wasn't his first time doing so. And I'm sure he was trying to inflict physical pain so he can forgot the mental pain. At that point little She Li might've felt a bit...empty because no one really seemed to genuinely care for him or spend time with him and he didn't seem to have a special relationship with anyone either, he might've felt like he wasn't a human because of all of that.... he might've been sad and angry that he can't experience love and affection perhaps he thought that it's his fault for feeling down all the time, when in reality it was his parents fault for not using the spare time they have for providing She Li with affection and quality time instead of arguing most of the time. I'm sure he felt less of person because he didn't get what he really needed as a kid. But little did She Li know that he will feel less of human the next time his parents argue loudly.

That had started with the routine of his parents fighting and She Li looking for something to distract himself with, he ended up digging for worms and I suspect that he did that for a long while that day in which might've explain the bleeding. Later on he got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' (Ghee-Yan Bah-Yan) syndrome this syndrome is a autoimmune type, in which a persons own immune system damages the nerves causing muscle weakness or paralysis, it can cause symptoms that last from few weeks to several years however most people recover fully while some have permanent nerve damage.

His thoughts were seemingly messy I wouldn't blame him if he still thought that his parents didn't care about him, I mean it was kind of their fault for not asking about what he does when playing outside or with whom, or for the least bit leaving a maid or two to check on him from time to time. But it was that day when he met a certain person in that hospital.

It was Mo Guan Shan that he saw at the hospital. A kid who was capable of feeling pain both physical and mental, not only that but he has a caring mother who seemed to care about her kid. At that moment She Li must've felt envious, a kid whom he didn't know had everything that She li didn't, he had the ability to feel pain and suffer and on top of that he had someone who cared about him who loved him and gave him attention when he needed it the most.

Perhaps She Li thinks that if Mo Guan Shan would become a happier and a healthier person then he would be superior to She Li, because then he would have something that is far away from She Li's reach and capability.

That's why he keeps on hurting Mo over and over again whenever Mo is feeling better or even worse. Maybe She li feels superior or on the same level as Mo when he stops him from feeling truly happy and at peace with his loved ones. As if only then the gap will become bigger than it was before. Because She Li thinks that he won't be able to be the same as Mo is, I mean he might get his syndrome treated and he might be able to feel the pain (both physical and mental) but She Li isn't sure of he can actually be truly loved or if he will be capable of loving and making someone as happy. And that is why he says things like this:

Of course it's not only to make Mo feel bad (cuz like no would want to be told that they are the same as She Li is) but to also make himself feel like they are the same (be it on the same level or the same type of people) when they are not.

I do think that She Li admires Mo for how human he is and he doesn't want him to be anymore of a human he wants Mo to be the same as him, someone who can't have anyone care about him, someone who might numb out and stop being a human for their own desires and someone who can be as hurt and heartless as She Li is regarding that he is hurt inside. I also think that She Li and He tian are similar I mean both of them were not met with love and affection from their family except He Cheng tried to rub the illusion of their fathers love on He tian, though it didn't work quite well. A relationship where you have to sacrifice everything to receive approval isn't and wouldn't be ideal from He tain's perspective, as well as She Li never talk about how he felt (he most likely didn't) the pain that he got from his parents inability to raise him properly like other parents do (by loving him and spending some time with him). However I'm not blaming everything on his parents they had their reasons yet that doesn't mean that it's justified to argue outloud most of the time and pay less attention for your kid than you with your job and arguments. Also I want to make that this post isn't here to justify She Li's bad actions against other people but to just look at him as something other than a snake, to look at him as a human and to hold accountable are both as important as the other is, and I don't want She Li to just have his actions bite him back but to also learn how bad his actions are. I want him to know very well that he hurt others and I want him to feel guilty and I want him to change, remember staying ignorant can not only hurt him but everyone else but learning where he made mistakes and holding himself accountable can help everyone not only the people hurt by him, us too will highly benefit.

⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙

Hey so this is me- the present me since I don't do this all in one day (cuz I'm a lazy person) so I hope ypu enjoyed this analysis and I hope I made it clear enough that this isn't for justifieing She Li's actions but an attempt to try and understand him. Also I'm sorry cuz I made a post a long while ago about She li and I though he had a different illness than the one in the manhua and I linked a website for that illness, however I deleted the post and I apologize for the big mistake...

This is the link for She Li's actual syndrome if you want to know more about it.

Anyways this was my "Why is She Li a bitch" post- wait, shit this the wrong script...welp can't change it now I guess. Again thank you for 50+ followers stay healthy and don't be a bitch like She Li.

#19 days #She Li analysis #Thank you for 50+ followers❤#this was long I'm sorry #does anyone even bother reading tags or is it just me who does so #be careful of snakes #Mo Guan Shan #He Tian #She Li's parents cuz I mentioned them in the entirety of this post

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hms-no-fun · 2 years

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i'm a bit confused, is x a doppleganger of june or of dare?

X is... complicated.

when Epigone calls it "the doppel of your ganger" to Dare, that's a decidedly non-authoritative source making an extremely non-literal comparison. X isn't meant to be the doppelganger of any particular member of the system, or even a traditional doppelganger at all, but rather the shadow of the whole system. it's the part of June that judges other people for being less than her idea of perfect, the part of her that's petty and bitter and secretly wishes that bad things would happen to everyone who deserves it (especially when those people are friends).

this is something a lot of folks have a version of, in my experience, and its gaze is directed inward just as often as it is outward. in gf1 and the early chapters of 2.1, you'll notice that the second-person narration has a tinge of cruelty to it. obviously i didn't know what this meant at the time of writing gf1 (i didn't even know June was trans yet), but i always had the idea that this was an internal voice passing itself off as the external other, the self observing the self and judging it for its perceived insufficiencies. this variety of self hatred is pretty common among trans people, and in my case at least it was a kind of displaced dissatisfaction with society- i got bullied a lot as a kid, i did terrible in school, could never make friends outside of the cliqueless overflow table (most of whom grew up into libertarians who stopped talking to me when i got mad at one of them for deadnaming me to win an argument), i was one million percent autistic and adhd and bipolar but because i had a big vocabulary and knew how to tell adults what they wanted to hear i was "high functioning" enough that it couldn't be anything except laziness. "apply yourself" they said, as if i'd never thought of that.

when i was in high school, we had a guy break out some swords and threaten to kill everyone (because, by wild coincidence, my girlfriend at the time wouldn't go out with him). he only managed to cut the arm of a security guard. every guy my age was being pressured from every direction to join the military, and a lot of them went because they believed in the thing the adults called freedom. we had riots that rolled through the halls in waves with like hundreds of students crowding out of classrooms to watch some people fight and chase each other. we had to say the texas pledge and the pledge of allegiance every morning before class. a couple times people set trash cans on fire in the gym. once there was a student walkout of the Hispanic population protesting an anti-immigration bush policy, and the principle got on the intercom and said “i know you punks are just using this as an excuse to get out of class.” i think there was a bomb threat once that turned out to be an empty box? idk. point is it was a DERANGED time. i was NOT handling puberty well, and i hated everyone. i mean EVERYONE lmao i self-described as a misanthropist. and on days when i was REALLY down bad, i'd fantasize about hurting people. i also described myself as a pacifist at the time! i hated guns, i always felt that they gave people too much power. but there was this awful part of me watching what was going on and thinking, why doesn’t someone DO something? we’re all miserable and we want to be literally anywhere else and we just can’t. when i’d have these fantasies, i felt dead inside- i knew it was against everything i believed, and that thinking these things probably made me a bad person (they didn’t, and don’t for anyone), but there was something so tantalizingly simple about giving into that darkness and doing something unspeakable, and being hated unambiguously for it. i never did, obviously, and i never believed myself capable of such a thing even at the time.

the circus egotistica is a very specific embodiment of that kind of fantasy that intellectually you know you would never ever actually go THROUGH with- that irrational desire to make everyone hate everyone else as much as you, to finally take control of your misery and inflict it on the people who never seem to suffer as much as you. it’s a petty, insecure, and self-destructive-by-design spectacle that doesn’t REALLY accomplish anything, besides making you the temporary master of what you perceive to be a vile and unjust universe. and of course at the end of it all the circus accomplishes very little, because it’s just a distraction set up by Epigone to buy time until it can come through to June’s mind. it knows that X wants exactly two things, in this order: 1. to make everyone feel as bad as it feels, and 2. to finally fucking die. the latter is a trait that X and Dare have in common- and buddy, if you ever want a surefire way to get on a judgmental bitch’s kill list, just have literally a single thing in common with them.

X is the edgy cynic that’s been buried underneath the rest of June for a really long time. you can see flashes of it in homestuck imo, but mostly these judgmental thoughts have only been turned inward and been left unexpressed beyond depression and self isolation. this is why X doesn’t have a name, or much of a form at all except octopus mode, because it’s been largely inert until recently. so naturally, when June realizes she’s trans and finds something to love about herself for the first time, that internal judge flips its eye outwards to June’s friends, ESPECIALLY after her coming out goes so poorly. and as they keep letting her down, X remembers all these petty observations it made about those friends over the years, hyperfixates on public perception of the gods by checking forums and wikis and of course there’s CRINGE COMPILATIONS of June having her fucking soul ripped out of her, and the injustice of it all drives X towards such a bitter spiteful place that when Epigone comes knocking, it’s all too happy to hold the door if it means it gets to show these people what their precious gods are REALLY like

so yeah, that’s what X is; not a doppelganger so much as an edgy teen in an adult’s body. of course, it does seem to know about Other Stuff in ideaspace for Some Reason, but that’s probably not relevant.

#godfeels #x #sarahposts

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#pet #pet love #pet death #sad story #loss #griefandloss

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aros001 · 3 years

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Going in blind: Watching season 3 for the first time. Random thoughts.

Episode 1: I know in the original series She-Ra was the sister of He-Man so I'm curious how much of that will be carried over to this series. Not saying He-Man has to make an appearance, same as how Batman didn't need to show up in Teen Titans. That was Robin's story, not his, and similarly this is Adora's story, not Adam's. Regardless, it makes sense why Hordak was so annoyed with the baby Adora in Shadow Weaver's flashbacks. To SW, there was something different and special about the baby, but to Hordak, whom seems familiar with the world before Mara separated Etheria from the rest of the universe, including Eternia potentially, Adora is just another "First One" child like he's seen many times before. Special in comparison to those who only know Etheria.

Great clap-back from Catra to Hordak, and not entirely unfounded. It's debatable how much he actually cares about conquering Etheria. He has others leading his forces in his war yet all his focus is on his portal creation.

According to Entrapta, productivity of the Horde is up 400% ever since Catra became Hordak's 2nd in command. I wondering how much of that is Catra's direct doing? Is she genuinely just that good of a commander? Is it because she's properly delegating and Scorpia has been handling most of the load? Or is this just because it's in comparison to Shadow Weaver? Entrapta said Catra's focus on First Ones' tech has been greatly aiding them and SW definitely focused more on magic, which was an aid mostly to herself since everyone else in the Horde seems to fight only with weapons and technology. And most of what she saw of SW while she was Hordak's 2nd was her being obsessed with bringing back Adora rather than fighting the war.

Episode 2: Let's see... Hordak's easily an adult and Entrapta is...[checks google] late twenties, early thirties. Oh good, then let's sail this ship!

But yeah, that was a heck of a backstory for Hordak. This reminds me of a video by a Youtuber named Savage Books comparing the villain Steppenwolf in the theatrical and Snyder Cut versions of Justice League and how, while he still wasn't a great villain, just a small addition made him a much better villain, that being a failure in his past and the desire just to go home. And in this case, Hordak is the much better, or at least way more developed, version of that. One of many clones of Hordak Prime but having a defect that labelled him a failure and had him cast out to Etheria, a "backwards world" as he's called it before. If he can conquer Etheria, perhaps by building a portal that'll bring forward Prime's army, he believes that'll prove to Prime that he is not a failure and that he can return home to rejoin his forces. Just this bit of backstory adds SO MUCH to Hordak, including new insights on his past interactions, and keeps him from being a flat character like theatrical version Steppenwolf. His lack of tolerance for failure makes sense when he himself is trying to prove that he's not. It gives him compelling motivation to want to conquer Etheria beyond just power and greed. Not motivation you're meant to agree with but one you can still understand.

I like the story with Huntara too. It's a nice little tie-in to something Adora was talking about with Glimmer and Bow last episode. Adora defected from the horde, not because she was different but rather very much in spite being very much like every other soldier there. She wanted to believe Shadow Weaver may have at least some goodness in her too and now we have Huntara as a fellow defector who realized the evils of the Horde, even if she chose to stay out of the war entirely after.

Episode 3: I legit thought Catra stabbed the goat lady for a second.

After Scorpia asking her why don't they just stay in the wastes I'm seeing a bit of a parallel between Catra and Hordak. They've both found a place where they can be the top dog, where they can do and have basically anything they want; her with the wastes and him with the Horde. They can be happy. ...But there's still this pull they're feeling to somewhere else. Catra back to the Horde and Hordak back to Prime. Because they feel they have to prove something; prove that they're not failures. They could be happy but they can't let go.

And that scene between Adora and Catra at the end. That was such a great line read from Catra's actor. "She left me for you. Everything that's happened is because of you." I got chills.

Minor note: While I'm only judging off the Mara hologram, which didn't have color, I do think the She-Ra outfit looks better with pants than shorts like Adora's She-Ra form. I think it makes it look sleeker, if that makes any sense.

Episode 4: Catra's spiral has turned into a drill and its taking her down as far as she can go. Though something I had to a laugh a little at myself over was that my biggest "Catra, no!" reaction wasn't to her wanting to open the portal but rather when she lied to Hordak and said Entrapta let the princesses in. She was actually a positive influence on Hordak's life and Catra with one move just destroyed that relationship and all progress Hordak had been making.

I'm guessing there's going to be some kind of long-term effect from Shadow Weaver continuously siphoning off Glimmer's magic. The woman is basically a parasite and the magic she uses is very different from the kind Glimmer does. I can't believe it never occurred to me that since Shadow Weaver trained Glimmer's father there might be a connection there between the two of them later in the story. While we don't know about anything that might've happened after she left, SW clearly had enough affection for Micah still to not kill him. I could see her trying to take Glimmer on as a student later like she did him.

Episode 5: There is something kind of hilarious about it being Scorpia's jealousy of Catra and Adora's closeness that causes her to be the first one after Adora to pick up that something is off.

11 is my favorite of the Doctor Who Doctors so naturally I'm comparing all this to the crack in Amy Pond's bedroom wall. Whatever goes in gets forgotten about and basically never existed. Though does that mean Bright Moon isn't going to remember the Horde? Basically that entire place got sucked up in the collapsing reality. There shouldn't be at war anymore because their enemy literally no longer exists.

Adora and Catra had their own little Star Trek 3 moment there.

Adora: "If we don't help each other, we'll die here!"

Catra: "Perfect! Then that's the way it shall be!"

Catra's just so far down her spiral she doesn't even care about getting her own win, just so long as Adora doesn't get one, despite just minutes ago clearly loving having Adora back in her life and on her side, to the point was trying to resist remembering the old reality. Her "perfect" world was them together again but when given the chance (another of many. I love those cuts to their past woven in there) she slapped the hand away.

I'm sure I'm wrong but I'm starting to theorize Madam Razz is actually Mara and just at some point went kind of crazy and started thinking as and Mara were two different people.

Episode 6:

"You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This... This is everything I ever wanted in a life. ...But I've got responsibilities, Van. And...I have to...go now."

-Superman, Justice League Unlimited: For the Man Who Has Everything

That was my favorite episode of JLU, where Superman is trapped in this world that isn't real but still perfect in every way, and the only way out was to give up everything he'd ever wanted, including a son he remembers watching grow up, even if it never really happened. With a similar premise, this definitely helped elevate Angela up a bit for me, whom I was kind just meh with before. I didn't dislike her but I didn't really care much for her either. This episode gave her a lot to work with though, with the heavy sacrifice she made. Not just saying behind to pull out the sword but just simply forcing herself to accept her husband is gone and not coming back. I was right that they wouldn't remember the Horde, but I definitely didn't think of the full effects of them never existing. They never exist, Bow never becomes a rebel instead of a scholar like his dads wanted. They don't exist, Micah never dies in battle against them. Glimmer gets to grow up with her father in her life. Everyone, most especially Angela, has to reject everything they would love to be real in favor of what actually is.

I'm guessing we're going to have Shadow Weaver taking advantage of this situation, trying to act like a teacher and mother-figure to Glimmer now that she's basically a orphan.

I talked before about how Catra and Hordak seem to have a parallel between them, especially regarding failure. Catra seems like she has a very hard time accepting her own failures and mistakes and thus why she more or less uses Adora as a mental scapegoat for all of it. Nothing is ever really her fault, it's Adora's, or Shadow Weaver's, or Hordak's. It makes for a great moment when Adora finally punches back, both literally and figuratively. She's not going to accept responsibility for Catra's actions anymore. She gave Catra every chance to make the right choice and she didn't, so now she has to finally live with the consequences. Heck of a glare She-Ra gave Catra at the end. Very much a "If I ever see you again..." and it certainly scared Catra, at least for a moment.

Now, someone go save Entrapta from Beast Island!

Season 3 verdict: Easily the best season thus far. I know this was technically the second half of season 2 but even in comparison to the full season 1 there was just so much that happened in this, so much that got revealed, and so, so many moments of emotion or tension. Weirdly I feel kind of disappointed that Hordak Prime is probably going to come in now and be the new big villain. I really like our Hordak's motivation and Prime seems like he might just be the generic conqueror for power that Hordak seemed like he was going to be at first. Not saying those types can't work. I love All For One from My Hero Academia and Frieza from Dragon Ball. Those guys are pure evil and selfishness, but they also have a captivating presence/charisma to them.

Naturally, since I bring her up the most out of all the characters, I'm very curious to see what happens with Catra now. She's basically nuked every positive relationship she had with anyone. Entrapta's gone, she threatened Scorpia, Hordak's not going to trust anyone including her anymore now that he thinks Entrapta's betrayed him, and Adora firmly sees her as an enemy. She has no one (those under her direct command don't count) and it's entirely her own fault.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o0trfz/going_in_blind_watching_season_3_for_the_first/

#she ra #she ra spop #random thoughts #reddit repost

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mochuelovelli · 4 years

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GAAAAHHH OKAY

Let's talk about the Timephoon Episodes

This is such an old topic of discourse but after reading many fanfics, videos, and some posts on the subject I have found little divergent takes on the whole subject.

While commentators are of the mind that, for the most part, the punishment and execution of said punishment for Louie's actions were partially if not fully justified but how she went about it was wrong.

Some fanfic writers and some subsects of the fandom but they are much more critical and often in a more black and white interpretation. Which is valid for vent art. However, I find both these portrayals to be lacking in some nuance.

Specifically when it it comes to who's to blame for the next 3 episodes, and to me, its more than just Della (and Louie but there really isn't much discourse here).

Let's start with Timephoon:

This pretty much solidifies their relationship throughout the episode[Also sorry for no captions]. Multiple times Della is shown to have a very laissez faire style of parenting as she primarily wants her kids to enjoy being kids and having fun. This is probably in part to her personality in general - which is probably what Beakley assumes here - however it is also her want to be loved by her children and even more critically, she doesn't ever want them to suffer like she did. Above all else, she wants them to be happy and feel confident in themselves. We see this in all the previous episode with her and her kids - From Dewey and reassuring him that he doesn't need to prove himself to her [notably in this episode she only shows concern when Dewey himself is in danger, she doesn't give a shit when he almost kills her] to Huey and helping him to have the most fun he possibly can, to even Webby and making sure that she also feels confident in herself regardless in how she goes about things.

Bringing up all these adventures does raise some pretty damning hypocrisy. Della encourage Dewey's reckless behavior in his episode. The lesson at the end wasn't, okay maybe we shouldn't be going on dangerous adventures, it was its okay to be afraid and you don't need to prove to me that you're great I already know you are. Huey's message was similar, albeit more low stakes. Webby's lesson wasn't even that she shouldn't be trying to take such risks to find adventure in the future, it was just a lesson in not being disappointed when things don't work the way you want.

So why wasn't Louie's adventure treated the same? Well... let's look at some more examples of Beakley V Della this episode before we answer that -

This is right before the kids find Bubba, Beakley's reaction is what most people would consider to be parental as she is concerned for the safety of the kids running out in a hurricane. Again we see Della acting casual.

Once Bubba is inside and Huey geeks out about him, Beakley actually smiles bc she knows that something like this means a lot to Huey [keep this in mind for l8r]. She only gets serious after Della says it's neat without much after thought so she gives the lesson of the episode - "Small problems become big problems later if not prevented early."

Next we have Della's faux attempt at being strict with her kids. Letting the irresponsible thing happen as long as they are "safe". While also harkening back to her previous episodes where she also is shown to have this attitude that "the kids can do anything as long as they are safe with ME or Scrooge or another SAFE adult", it is also good to note SCROOGE'S expression here to her patting herself on the back for her parenting. Now he could just be confused as to why Della is taking this "lesson" as a win, but he could be noticing that she really doesn't know what she is doing but unlike Beakley doesn't make any attempts to correct this.

Another scene that people often forget when reviewing this episode, just like with all her other kids she at first takes LOUIE'S side and decides they should just roll with the punches like always. Which honestly is sort if valid because that's kinda Scrooge's whole MO; though he also had others to there to keep him afloat but we all know someone like Scrooge, Della, and the kids hardly see that. I also want to hammer home that, just like with the other boys, she doesn't shy away from displaying that she loves them ALL. A few seconds later, it's subtle but she is shown smiling and patting Louie on the head because like the other kids she just wants him to feel supported. If I was to be critical, I would say this is possibly because she likes the IDEA of her boys more than them but I mean - this is pretty much everyone's attitude towards kids. It might be amplified bc of her trauma but it's not unusual. But even still I would argue that she mainly does love the boys for who they are as she is excited to get to know them.

After Della figures that they are looking for a "master thief", Scrooge and Beakley immediately know it's one of the kids. Shocking her since she later states she is of the belief that her kids are too "good" to do something like this. I also want to bring attention, again, to Beakley smiling (ik im putting a lot of stock into expressions but animation tends to do stuff like this for a reason). She is smiling at whom she expects is Dewey for messing with time and space. Bc even if she planned to scold him, she knows it's just their normal. Scrooge seems to also be of the same mind. Later Beakley gives a really good line about "Even good kids can do dumb things. We got to make sure those dumb things don't turn into bad things like destroying all of existence!".

Mrs. B exists stage right

All jokes aside, this must have been a nightmare for all of them but especially Della. She had just finally admitted that she was out of her depth and made another mistake in parenting. But now it seems like she lost her chance to rectify that. Because for all she knows, Mrs. B will never come back. This is import-ALLRIGHTWEGETIT

Della is then shown explicitly worried about her family. Emotions, insecurities and fear obviously getting the best of her. We don't know exactly what she is thinking but we know she is terrified of the possibility of losing one of her kids. When she asks about Louie, she probably thinks he must have disappeared without her knowing. That she might have already failed more than she could know, because she wasn't there to protect him. She doesn't know - she is "Della Duck" and she doesn't know how to fix this. She didn't expect everything to go so horribly wrong, but that's her theme isn't it?

She is both relieved and understandably PISSED when finding that Louie was responsible for almost destroying the fabric of reality (let me say this again, nearly destroying the fabric of reality). She goes scold both herself and her son about the danger he put them in. Later we see Della, the last one leave and seeing almost everyone she loves vanish. We don't know how long each of the characters who left were in the past but we can assume it was long enough to have to change clothes. Yeah this was probably more of a visual gag but like, the other past characters didn't change their outfits when they came to the present so - (also Launchpad was specific about knowing how the world ends so he had to be there enough for him to understand it). Side note someones gotta write fanfic of these characters time misadventures. I wonder if Dewey and Webby ran into Agent 22.

[Last picture of the infamous scene, side note did anyone notice Launchpad NODDING his head when Della mentioned his time schemes could've cost them their future? He's the only one who knows what happened so maybe Louie's misadventure has more impact than we think-]

Anyways, yeah we know what was said here. But I think it's important to see the reaction the other adults (sorry LP, and Gryo i GUESS) have here BC this is basically why I made this post. What Della decided to do was unquestionably the wrong decision, at least her way of going about it and I will not absolve her of her many MANY mistakes. However, let's remember she wasn't alone in any of this. She was with other parental figures who KNOW more about her kids than she does.

After Louie leaves, why did they think it was good to encourage this course of action? Why did they think giving full parental control to a PTSD, trauma survivor who barely got back less than a month ago was a good idea? Sure it's one thing to not want to overstep your boundaries but are you telling me they wouldn't want to guide her in the right direction at least? We KNOW both Beakley AND Scrooge have their grievences towards Della's parenting strategy or lack there of. Beakley so far doing the most to try and put her in the right direction (which speaks volumes to the problems Scrooge has).

So why wouldn't they explain that, hey, maybe taking away the one thing your kid thinks he is good at ISNT a great idea? Why didn't either say anything about their two day vacation? Something that came up presumingly on a whim and might of prevented (although i doubt it) Louie from trying to steal w/ time? He might have considered pushing back time schemes at least 3 days later. While Mrs. Beakley might be less aware of Louie's insecurities and ambitions, Scrooge definitely isn't. He should have talked to her, and hey we don't see what happens before they leave so maybe MAYBE they did. But again, I doubt it. Seeing as how they all agreed with her at the end, I don't see them trying to meddle with her.

But they should've. They are both experienced guardians and they have nothing to say to her? Plus Donald (goddamn it i almost finished a post w/o him) have THEM responsibility to take care of the kids NOT Della. So they are obligated to help her. Really, the other option other than just well negligence would be not thinking this punishment was a big deal. I wish this aspect was also scrutinized just as much as Della and Louies role in this arc.

Beakley and Scrooge (more so Scrooge) are just as much to blame in what happens as Della if not MORE since they know of her situation in only a way that an experience adult can. There is no excuse for their negligence.

#god this was so long #i just need to rant #i hope im not alone on this feel free to comment or ask me about this crap i dont mind #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #della duck #mrs beakley #scrooge mcduck #dt17 #ducktales timephoon #discourse #i guess #this is misleading this was basically just Timephoon bc u ran out of space so part 2 maybe?

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hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty · 5 years

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Just gonna come out and say it: Rachel Pidgley is a pretty unsympathetic character when you take a closer look at her and the fact that the fandom at large is ignoring her creepy and obsessive behavior is kind of alarming. Most people see her protectiveness and devotion to Hyde as cute, but I beg to differ. She's entitled and a bit, well, delusional.

She displays time and time again an inability to face the truth when it comes to accepting the fact that Hyde isn't an innocent, helpless kitten and has in fact done some very shitty things that put a lot of people in harm's way.

She should know that the dude she's defending has set a street on fire which resulted in the lodgers almost being thrown in prison and a lot of people ending up injured or homeless, yet when confronted with the fact that the image she created of him doesn't really fit realitiy and is quite chamerical, she pulls this shit.

This is a full grown adult she's talking about. I don't know where she got the idea from that he "has never had to take care of anything in his entire life" other than from her own delusions. We as the readers know that Hyde never truly had to take responsibility for himself or face the consequences for his actions, but there's no possible way that Rachel would know that.

From her point of view, Hyde is some random guy who she met two years ago and who shows up in the night to make a bit of small talk and then goes off into the night to cause trouble. Basically, she knows nothing about him other than that he's a bit dorky. Taking that perspective, she should assume that Hyde is absolutely capable of getting out of trouble and looking after himself, otherwise he wouldn't be able to visit her every night without letting people whom he pissed off beat him up or catch him. She created that helpless, weak version of him by ignoring all things she really knew about him.

This obviously has to do something with her brothers and having to watch them get taken away from her or losing them to their lives of crime, but that doesn't excuse her behavior or her unwillingness to face just how far from reality she has gone. Hell, she even admits that he isn't as innocent as she claimed, yet she still refuses to stop defending him.

This is Rachel admitting that what she's doing is for herself. "I don't want to lose him." The trouble is, she's willing to let other people suffer through his actions as long as he is safe. She flat out said that she knows that he did/does bad things, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't matter to her if he hurts other people as long as he doesn't have to face the consequences for his shitty actions. If you don't want to take my word for it, take Sabrina's.

This is extremely selfish and one-track-minded behavior on her part. She's willing to throw other people under the bus for him even though she knows that he's a jerk who doesn't really care about anyone but himself because she won't face her delusions and because she doesn't want to suffer emotionally.

"Yeah, well, I like him, and I see him as a sort of reconciliation to rid myself of guilt, so please just ignore all the suffering he's caused and probably will continue to cause, 'kay?"

That's really cold hearted and callous when you look at it that way.

Oh, and speaking about throwing your friends under the bus for someone you barely know,

Rachel really doesn't run short on examples there, either.

I really don't know how this collectively flew over the head of the fandom, but this is really fucked up.

It's fucked up that I have to point out how fucked up this is. This is a physical threat of violence. This is her showing that she would murder both Robert and Henry if it meant helping Hyde. This shows just how obsessive and ruthless she is, and the fact that the fandom reacted to this with: "Haha look at her, so devoted to Hyde, lol Henry yeah you better tell her" is really concerning.

I mean, c'mon guys. She literally held a knife to the throat of her friends. This isn't cute or adorable. She's incredibly entitled, posessive and creepy. To threaten someone with deadly physical force like that, to overpower and to frighten like this is really obviously not right. You know what this says?

"Tell me right now/do what I want you to do right now or I'm going to kill you."

You want to read some of the comments that were left on these exact pages?

(Chapter 6, Page 29. Yes, It's really the one where Rachel pulls the knife on Lanyon. Rachel threatens to kill Lanyon, yet he is the one who is being described as villain-like and not trustworthy.)

(Chapter 7, Page 6. Ah yes, confronting someone about their enabling attitude and their obvious reality dissonance is definetly way more contemptible and morally wrong than brandishing a fucking knife on two people you consider your friends.)

How come Rachel gets a pass even though she went nuts and behaved this shitty, but Lanyon is somehow seen as worse by the fandom? How come people are willing to interpret and theorize the fuck out of his words and behavior, yet when Rachel does something very, very obviously fucked up that could cause some serious harm, it's seen as cute and acceptable?

Also, on another note,

If a person I spoke to every day for like five minutes of small talk whom I had no other connections with told me they asked criminals to stalk me because that person didn't see me for two days and because I seemed a bit dorky they assumed I wasn't able to survive on my own despite the fact that I was a full grown adult, and despite the fact that the person knew I was perfectly able to live my life without their help for over two years without difficulties, I'd call the fucking cops on them. That's something an obsessive stalker does, not a friend I trust.

#rachel pidgley #tgs #the glass scientists #henry jekyll #robert lanyon #edward hyde #you can still like her just please be aware who this character really is #long meta #meta rant #the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde #dr jekyll and mr hyde #jekyll and hyde #the glass scientists jekyll

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cllynchauthor · 5 years

Text

On Aspie Supremacy and the Aspergian

CW: bullying, suicide, aspie supremacy

I feel the need to talk to you guys about what has been happening on autistic twitter lately surrounding the autistic website The Aspergian. I write for The Aspergian. Here are some of my articles:

https://theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/04/19/person-first/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/04/05/7-cool-aspects-of-autistic-culture/

While I am white, cishet, and speaking, I am in the minority at The Aspergian.

The majority of contributors are mostly either LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, or high support needs.

Here are some of their contributions:

https://theaspergian.com/2019/10/10/stopping-the-stigma-against-people-with-disabilities-interview-with-sbsk/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/09/09/10-signs-i-was-transgender-but-didnt-know-it/

https://theaspergian.com/2019/08/08/the-cage/

Despite this, the name The Aspergian makes many autistic people uncomfortable. Several ASAN members have spoken out condemning the name.

In these days of #AltAutism, the autistic dark web and other aspie supremacists have turned the word Aspergers into a borderline slur.

Aspergers and “Aspergian” are becoming dog whistles for function labels, white supremacy and incels.

The founder of The Aspergian knows that. That’s why she named it The Aspergian.

With every pro-RPM, pro-Neurodiversity, feminist, intersectional article The Aspergian publishes, it gets left wing values all over Aspergers. If you google Aspergian now, all you will find are social justice articles.

And the AltAutism folks HATE IT.

But so do a lot of autistic advocates, for whom “Aspergers” conjures up a lot of trauma.

The founder has trauma from it too, though.

https://twitter.com/theaspergiancom/status/1185068296636375040?s=21

Image Description: screencap of a tweet from @TheAspergianCom reading

When I first told my closest living friend about being autistic, it was the first person I'd told other than my husband. This was her response:

Below is a screencap of a text conversation. The friend is talking about her autistic son saying “at this point I’ll be fucking happy if he ever calls me mom and stops trying to attack me.” Then she says “I think your autism is fucking bullshit.”

Image description: screencaps of more tweets reading:

Though she knew I was going to be tested, she'd continued to use the word Asperger's. I'd been helping her through the process of understanding her son and autism. I loved her deeply. I still do. But she blocked me on social media and told everyone before I was ready to come out.

So instantly all my social media was flooded with all these speculative and veiled comments I could only see portions of, and I was humiliated. I was a new mother struggling and lost my support system. She thought it was sinister I used the same label as her son. Minimizing.

Autism was my diagnosis. She didn't know that I was made to believe I was possessed by demons in my youth or all the hell I'd endured and all the struggles I had like being the last person in my school who learned to read six years late. She knew an articulate adult.

Image description: the next person I told, things went even worse. She outed me in local Facebook groups where I was the admin and parent groups. I had postpartum anxiety and severe breastfeeding aversion but my child wouldn't eat food. So it was BF constantly or a feeding tube. And no meds for me.

So I thought maybe the problem was me saying autism instead of Asperger's. My husband was aspie and always identified that way. I'd been a teacher with largely autistic classes for years. Those with that diagnosis were often intellectually disabled.

Image description: My best friend and one of my oldest and closest friends, both autistic, had committed suicide, and the two living best friends I had blew up my whole social circle. I was afraid to seek help, afraid to go in public, and brutally reframing my whole life and reliving traumas.

I needed help. I joined about 20-30 autistic groups and made the mistake of saying that I was aspie. I didn't want to be insulting and have another incident like what happened the first time I told someone. It didn't go well. I had no idea of the stigma at the time.

And I had no idea why I was being called a supremacist, shiny, a Nazi, ableist, etc. I argued against those claims because I'm definitely not those things. I thought I'd entered a den of extremists. I got booted. Then another group I entered started with, "Oh, there's the Nazi."

In that tweet thread, Terra goes on to say that it occurred to her that her best friend who had recently committed suicide might have sought out the autistic community before he died. And she went to look and found that he had posted and been dogpiled in the same manner. The day before he died.

Terra Vance is desperately anti supremacy. But she is also desperately anti bullying. And she felt that if people couldn’t say “I’m autistic” without losing loved ones and “I’m aspie” without being called a supremacist, then autistic people were being put in a very tight corner.

Especially since Aspergers is still an extant diagnosis pretty much everywhere but North America so people are getting shunned from the autistic community because of their DIAGNOSIS.

That’s why she named it The Aspergian.

And you know what?

The aspie supremacists HATE IT.

They hate that their dog whistle is now a popular and booming hub of Neurodiversity, anti-ABA, and intersectionality.

They hate that The Aspergian is republishing deleted Wikipedia articles of autistic nonspeakers, which the autistic dark web worked hard to get removed.

They hate that we promote FC and RPM and other AAC. They hate that we keep claiming that autism and Aspergers are the same thing.

They don’t want to share space with nonspeakers and black women. They’re a bunch of altright white incels and The Aspergian is getting autism and neurodiversity over their shiny high functioning boots.

Worst of all, we’re reaching PARENTS.

Our most popular articles are not aimed at fellow autistic people. They are aimed at NTs, parents, laymen, trying to educate them about autism.

My article on ABA went viral and made so many ABA therapists angry. It was beautiful.

Imagine description:

“And by some strange magic, we took off suddenly, going from like 100 views per month to over 100k, then 200k, then more and more. We heard a lot of stories that were not being heard. There are parents who read our site to learn about their children posthumously after suicide.

One mother told me that if she had found our site earlier, she would have known that her son's "aspie" diagnosis meant that he was fully autistic. She is filled with regrets. We hear from lots of people who had no idea that they were supposed to have these autistic struggles.

We hear from people in lots of non-white majority countries where autism acceptance and awareness is years/decades behind what a difference our site has made because they had no idea. They weren't reading other blogs and now they are. Now they are understanding autism.”

Understanding autism from a neurodivergent, autism-acceptance, Autism-Speaks-Is-Bad, anti-ABA, pro-AAC website.

The ADW HATE that.

So what do they do?

They stir up shit about the name. The autistic dark web have a bunch of sock accounts which they use to deliberately stir up shit among the #ActuallyAutistic tag on twitter so they can screenshot stuff and repost it out of context to further discredit autistic people.

So they know the ND crowd resent Aspergers. So they deliberately stir up crap about The Aspergian’s name and everybody eats it up.

They also spread lies like that we are racist and don’t have any contributors of colour (they block the BIPOC contributors who argue against this lie).

Image Descriotion:

Tweet from Riah Person (a black autistic advocate) saying

“The .@theAspergianCom has writers

• with I/DD

• that are nonspeaking

• with research background

• that are deaf

• that are blind

• with physically limiting disabilities

• that are autistic BIPOC

• that are autistic LGBTQ+

• with no formal writing skills

The list goes on”

They claim that we plagiarize. But in fact each contributor owns their own content and is free to publish in other places and often they do.

But mostly they bitch about the name.

And I get it. I do. Aspergers brings up a lot of bad feelings and associations, especially since the anti-ND movement started pushing the “Asperger was a Nazi” stuff in order to discredit Steve Silberman’s book Neurotribes.

But we can’t make Asperger’s a slur. It’s still an existing diagnosis all around the world. Happily it IS being removed from the ICD 11 in 2022 but it’s going to take decades to change the assumptions around that word.

Terra wants “Aspergers” to become synonymous with autism. No difference. No barriers. No judgements. Not because she loves or even identifies with Aspergers. Her diagnosis is autistic and she calls herself autistic. But she doesn’t think autistic people should be bullied over a label. It smacks of exclusionism.

The founder of The Aspergian feels that no autistic person should be bullied to the point of death or near-death because of their diagnosis, or because they have been trained to say they have Aspergers so NTs won’t pull the whole “you don’t look autistic” crap.

The autistic community, of ALL communities, should be the most understanding of misunderstanding. We should be the most able to understand that people don’t always mean what it sounds like they mean.

“Aspergers” is not a slur. It is not a supremacist term. At worst it is an outdated functioning label. At best it is a synonym for autism.

And it won’t become a dog whistle. Because The Aspergian won’t allow it.

#actuallyautistic #autism #suicide #bullying #advocacy #aspie #aspergers

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magicalhideoutengineer · 4 years

Text

Iwas wondering what your characters' dynamic is [in terms of Queenie and Tina's] relationship as sisters… you're the younger one – do you guys get along, or [is] Katherine as Tina more motherly and domineering? What's their relationship like?

Alison Sudol:

I think it's a really beautiful relationship. It's two sisters [who] have basically raised each other because their parents died when they were very young. So there's a mutual caring for each other. It's not like older sister-younger sister, because I think in some ways Tina is more grounded and an adult, but then Queenie has this deep empathy and such an unbelievable amount of perception about everybody but especially about Tina. So there's a real care and a warmth, and they occasionally are like [sisters] and bicker, but we didn't want it to be that kind of relationship because it's so much more about the love that they have for each other. And that's just present. It's not even trying to show it. It's just there.

All the female characters for Harry Potter went on to become feminist icons and role models – like, Hermione is huge. So did that add any pressure, or was it something you were thinking about as you were taking on the next big female roles in the Harry Potter universe?

Alison Sudol:

Absolutely. It's something that Katherine and I care about very much. It's an opportunity to show different sides of these women and empower younger girls growing up. I've learned so much about being a girl from watching films.

I think what I love and what I find is also a great responsibility with Queenie is, she's incredibly feminine. And I grew up not seeing the strength in femininity. I grew up kind of feeling guilty about being a girl and wanting to just be like the boys and be treated the same. I didn't want to be different; I didn't think that beauty was something to be proud of. And what I love about Queenie is that she's incredibly smart, she's kind, she's beautiful, she has that pizzazz in femininity. She's completely unashamed about it and not vain at all. She's just a good, good human being.

I think as actresses it's part of our responsibility to show all different sides of a character and of women. There's not the fancy one and the serious one, but we're all very deeply layered human beings [who] happen to be women.

In the UK, in the Harry Potter world, if you are a witch or a wizard, your identity is easily traceable. You went to Hogwarts – it's a very small community. But it seems like from what we've glimpsed in America, it's a bit more dangerous to be magical. Could you speak a bit about how your character relates to the magical community and how that forms her identity in this new realm?

Alison Sudol:

Well, I think you're very right in that. There's more of an "us and them" mentality. And they're always intermingling, so it's this strange sense of living with people [whom] you're fascinated by but you're not really allowed to get close to, because otherwise it could just jeopardize everything. I think it's just a very different dynamic. And then there's an interesting dynamic between Queenie and well, all of us, really. And Jacob, who isn't magical. Because there's this fascination and a realization that humanity can access: Even though we may be a little bit different – we can cook dinner with our wands – there is still something very much in common between the two worlds.

Did you get to have any conversations with J.K Rowling about the character or the role?

Alison Sudol:

I actually only just met her the other day, which was a total honor. But [laughs] to be honest, I got a little bit flummoxed, and I wasn't able to ask her anything because I was so… I just was like, [gasps] [laughs] I don’t know what to do! She was absolutely wonderful, and I sort of let the others ask questions and hoped to glean as much as I could, but I didn't want to attack her because I felt like if I started asking questions, they may not stop. I hope to get more intrepid.

Luckily, there was a lot on the page about Queenie, and I was also given a huge amount of freedom to create her as well. It was sort of like I was entrusted with this person, and then they said, it's okay. You know her. Go for it. Just go where you know she would go. And that's also been amazing to have that sort of free reign.

Is there any part of your character that you personally relate to?

Alison Sudol:

Oh, so much of her. I think she has a real joy to her. When I'm at my happiest and least self-conscious – which we all have days where that happens and days where it doesn't happen – I really can find adventures in anything. I just love having fun, because if you have the choice between not having fun and having fun, I'd much rather have fun. And with Queenie, I'm kind of required to be in that headspace. Because she's just so in love with this adventure that they're on. And I think I love people, and so does she. And there's a lot to her. I just try to scrape away the stuff that doesn't feel present or joyful or free because there's just a freedom with her. It's not all joy. Sometimes she's upset, sometimes she's angry, but she's 100 percent present.

We know what Newt's relationship is with the fantastic beasts. So what is Queenie's relationship like with these things? Clearly, she knows they exist because she lives in this world, but are there ones that she's particularly fond of or ones that she's terrified of, ones she finds repulsive?

Alison Sudol:

Well, there are not a lot of beasts in New York proper. It's not like we're out in the countryside where there'[re] animals anyway, so my choice was that she hasn't really seen most of these things before because it's a much more urban environment. It would be really hazardous to have these creatures out and about. So when she does come across them, there's this sense of wonderment, like a kid going to the zoo for the first time. It's pretty extraordinary, and they're fascinating. And occasionally a little bit… I wouldn't even say scary, but you're aware that they're wild.

Can you talk about Queenie's relationship with Jacob and Newt and what it's been like working with Dan [Fogler] and Eddie [Redmayne]?

Alison Sudol:

They're both such great people, and it's been so fun and lovely, and they're very supportive, both of them. And funny, too. We all laugh a lot on set. And as characters, Newt is this person who has a key to a different world. As does Jacob, really, and so they're quite interesting to Queenie. But Jacob, in particular: He's just such a kind, kind man, and because she's able to see into him like she does in everyone, she sees how kind and good he is through and through. It's a real lovely dynamic between the two of them that he can't hide from her, and he has nothing to hide because even when he says something that he doesn't mean to, it's still great.

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