#what I am wishing for at this time is a Big Fucking Brick of a Book which has Maps and Illustrations and Scale Drawings
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I like when books have Maps and Charts in them and I think that all books should have such things.
and books which already have them? I think they should have More Maps and Charts.
#em is posting about temeraire#I do not know Where anything is or Who anyone is or What anything is and hypothetically these things should be explained by the book#but also I would like a Little Help and Visual-Spatial Understanding#what I am wishing for at this time is a Big Fucking Brick of a Book which has Maps and Illustrations and Scale Drawings#which. I do have one of those for the aubreyad and that's how I got informed about ***** ******** ***** ** * ******** ********#so it is not entirely a Good and Fun thing to have one of those#but also I have 'if it's bigger than a horse I can't conceptualize it well' kind of brain which is Hard with both ships and dragons#hey waitaminute I just remembered the fact that my very second piece of Polished aubreyad art (circa 2020) has dragons in it#y'know what lacking this maybe I will try to go back to the Very Scary Bookstore sometime soonishly#and see if they still have that copy of the hornblower companion... hardly anyone goes into that bookstore so I think they very well might#(very nearly everything about that bookstore frightens me but they have really neat stuff there! real copy of porto bello gold!#the hornblower editions with the scratchboard covers! lynd-ward-illustrated master of ballantrae!)
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#376
“Hey Caleb. You were in that bathroom for a while. Big shit or were you giving it a tug? Considering your swim trunks is showing no bulge whatsoever, I doubt you were enjoying your right hand. Or do you use the left? Me personally, I’m a lefty….
“Your dad and I were just talking by the pool. I asked him how long he knew you were gay…. Oh I wish you could see the shocked look on your face. So you haven’t told him. He was shocked too. He said you weren’t. I told him that I’ve been around sperm burpers all my life and you were a classic pole rider.
“You haven’t said much. Not one word of protest. You are just trying to figure out what your next step is going to be. Don’t worry, I love fucking with your dad. He’s worked for me for ten years now. He knows my sense of humor and just brush it off. Besides he’s been drinking. But I got enough out of him to convince me that you definitely gob the knob.
“You wanna swing on my dick, or not? Here let me take it out for ya. I can see by the lump forming in your shorts that you want it. Am I right?... Your dad likes to say that you are quiet and keep to yourself. I can see that. Just nod then.
“Ok, let’s do this then. This guest room’s toilet serves as the overflow bathroom. Someone will interrupt us. Come with me. My bedroom will offer us some more privacy. Your dad already thinks you are off reading a book on your phone. Nobody is going to miss me for a while…. It’s a large house. When I bought it, I had an addition put on for my master suite…. When you enter my bedroom, lose the swim trunks. Boys are to be naked at all times in my bedroom.
“Damn boy, you are rock hard. So, were you jerking off or taking a dump in the toilet?... Look, when it comes to sex, I cut to the point. There’s no need to be coy. I’m going to be fucking that pussy of yours, and I want to know if you are empty first. Good. Did you also give it a tug?... Of course, you did.
“Come here. Point to the guy you were jerking off to…. You are at a construction company pool party where 80% of the men here work for me. There are more muscles out there from hard work than a fag like you can take in. Which one?...
“…Of course, you would go for Stan. So you like big guys? He’s six four and built like a brick shit house. Have you talked to him?... He can be a bit of an gruff asshole. The guys call him Ox. He has a dick to match. Not the brightest guy, but damn he’s a hard worker and a brutal fucker. Yeah, he’s tag teamed with me a couple of times. He can fuck for hours.
“Come with me. This closet door leads downstairs to my hidden playroom. I had it specifically designed and loaded up for just about every kink my dick was interested in. You’re what 20? You probably don’t know about all these things. I do know this: you are leaking up a storm.
“Don’t touch yourself. Let the leak flow. Why don’t you have a look around? I need to text a few of my guests to let them know that I had to step away for a bit.
“That’s a St. Andrew’s cross. If you have an interest in being whipped, I’d be happy to oblige…. Didn’t think so.
“Those are my four rim seats. They are for eating ass. Depending on my mood, they vary based on how secure the boy is underneath. That last one secures the boy’s legs up so he can get fucked while he’s eating my shithole.
“No. No. Leave your dick alone. I want you to leak….
“There. All the appropriate texts have been sent. Now, we’ll have some time to really have fun. Come over there. This is a fuck bench. Simple. Easy access both holes. Climb up. Knees go here; elbows here.
“Oh, you have a pretty cunt. Nice…. Oh, you are not as tight as I thought you would be; my finger just slid in. I take it you are not a virgin. That’s fine. I get it, a cunt needs to be fed. You get fucked at college?... Kinda figured.
“Ever been tied up?... No? There’s always a first time.
“Ok, so here’s the situation. I’ve applied a small amount of lube to your cunt lips. Your mouth, or rather your throat needs to put some slime on me. I will probably go between your holes.
“I put a sludge plate under your dick to collect your pre-cum and when I eventually allow you, your cum.
“Open wide…. Oh fuck. Your mouth feels good. Oh shit, you know how to work your tongue. You little faggot whore. Oh man. Fuck.
“I gotta try that cunt. If it’s as good as your throat, boy…
“…Right to the root. Right to the fucking root. Wait. What the fuck?... Do that again…. Boy you are something. I could just stand here, and you can squeeze my cock like that all day. It feels like you are jerking me off with your hole.
“Where the fuck did you learn all this? No twenty-year-old stumbles on how to treat a cock like you. Who taught you?
“…Your math professor? Damn, I never would have thought a math professor would have been so twisted.
“Say faggot, you have a job?... Living off your dad, hunh? You probably go out looking for dick when he’s at work. You fucking faggot whore. How would you like to come work for me? It’ll be in my main office. It’s a tiny office, just me and my manager Dwight. You’ll actually have office responsibilities in addition to servicing me and Dwight. Yeah, he’s another guy that I work with that I play around with. I employ four or five guys that also enjoy using faggots like you, although Dwight also uses bitches too.
“This is a serious offer. Your dad doesn’t need to know anything other than you are working in my office. I need to have these holes accessible. You want to do that?...
“…Fuck yeah! I’m getting close faggot. Keep doing what you are doing. Oh shit. Oh shit! Here it cums! Shit yeah!
“You keep performing like this, and I’ll pay you what I do your dad.
“So, did the math professor teach you other kinks?… Eating ass and piss drinking! Hell yeah! So you have been under a rim seat?... No, he just sat on your face. Did he tie you up, or get rough?... He wanted to? Boy, when a man wants to use you the way he wants you need to let him.
“Oh fuck, climb down. And keep my load in you. Here hop up on this fuck table. I want to sample that tongue. Legs go in the stirrups. I will be securing your legs in them…. Wrists will be secure at your sides in these cuffs.
“You still in contact with the professor?... Good. I want to invite him over some weekend so we can use you all weekend long.
“This table was designed for butt play as well as eating ass. Your head goes here onto the head rest off the end. I can lower the head rest and your head back so that opens your throat to a deep straight throat fuck, but I primarily use it by lifting it up like this to support your head when I straddle it like this. Now your face is wedged in my ass, with me just standing here. Get that tongue going.
“Oh fuck. Fag, this will definitely be part of your office responsibilities. Dwight will love it too. As will Ox….
“Hey Ox….
“Faggot, I took the liberty of telling Ox to join us when I sent out those texts.
“Holy shit Ox, this is Murphy’s boy. He’s a total cunt pig. I just hired him to work for me in the main office. Wait until you try his holes.
“Shut up faggot! This doesn’t concern you…. Get back to sticking your tongue into my shitter.
“He does this pulse thing with his cunt muscles. You have to try it. My load is still inside.
“Hey fagboy, you ever have a baseball bat in your cunt?... No?... Well it would have been practice for what’s about to be shoved into you. You know that bulge you jerked off to is going in your twat.
“Scream in my ass. Keep that tongue going in deep. Oh fuck!
“Look at how much he’s leaking. Give it to him. Hard. He’s shaking. Keep plowing…. Oh shit! He’s fucking cumming. Without his hands, that’s fucking amazing.
“Fag, I don’t care that you shot a huge load. Ox takes a while to get going. I’ll be right back. Ron Owens needs to try you out.
“Fag, while I’m gone, I want you to focus on the man you jerked off to—the man that is tearing up your cunt. Here, let me undo your hands. Run them over his chest. Feel those muscles and that chest hair.
“Ox, don’t you dare cum before we get back. Keep pile driving into him, and don’t let up, even if he begs.”
“Faggot, this is only the beginning….”
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Big Prompt List
Instead of randomly putting out a few little lists here and there, I'll try to do a big one every 6 months or so. Yes, I did reuse a lot of my older prompts on this one, but the next one will be newer ones.
"It's always nights like this that I feel the loneliest."
"I can't be 'just friends' anymore!"
"This sort of thing was never meant to happen."
"Why don't you love me?"
"I have tried so hard for so long, and I'm just exhausted."
"There has got to be more to marriage than what we have."
"Please, just come back to me. I miss you."
"Don't cry, I hate it when you cry."
"I can't believe you'd do this to me."
"You were supposed to love and cherish me."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Just come back, we can fix this."
"I feel lost without you."
"This isn't about you anymore. It's my turn."
"What do you want from me?"
"There it is. There's that smile I love so much."
"I've never been happier with anybody else."
"You've shown me what it's like to be loved."
"Let's go do something, just the two of us."
"It's hard not to love you, I know that now."
"Love me or leave me here."
"If you call me baby, I'll always be yours."
"I want to taste her lips cause they taste like you."
"You looked at me like I was someone else."
"You're drunk, go home."
"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did."
"I'll be anything you want. You love me more than you love yourself."
"Relax, there's no reason for you to be so wound up."
"I'd be willing to lose everything to make them happy."
"You're like an angel, my angel."
"We're in love, and I am actually happy for once."
"Please don't ruin this for us."
"We aren't together anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."
"Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're loveable?"
"I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, it's cute."
"Everything always works out in the end because it's you."
"Wow, you look absolutely breathtaking."
"I don't have to keep changing because they love me for me."
"Come on now, let's have some fun."
"You're going to be the death of me."
"Talk dirty to me."
"You're ridiculous."
"Charming, you know just how to make a girl blush."
"What kind of trouble are you going to get me into?"
"If you're gonna cuff me, you might as well throw the gag in too."
"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"
"A little flirting never hurt anybody."
"Just get over here and kiss me."
"God, you are so fucking hot sometimes."
"Do you believe in love?"
"I'm going to fight for what I want to be."
"Do you really love me underneath it all?"
"There's not much left of me."
"I want to drag you down with me."
"I love myself, I want you to love me."
"Do you think of me when you're with her?"
"You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down."
"Don't you remember how you told me you loved me baby?"
"I was supposed to be a doctor before all this started."
"Death wasn't supposed to feel like a mercy."
"The stars look different down here."
"Believe me, I didn't want it to come to this."
"Don't go, it's not safe out there for you."
"Your job isn't to make sure I make it out alive, not anymore."
"I don't want to live forever."
"Where do you go when you feel like there's nowhere to run?"
"And everything you ever said now tears me all apart."
"I've seen the things you put me through and I wish I could die."
"I love it so much it just turns to hate."
"When they get what they want, they never want it again."
"You want it all, but you can't have it."
"After all the lies you told, who will save your soul?"
"Life is perfect, never better."
"Fuck you."
"Isn't it much more fun fucking than fighting?"
I know I said to get laid, but I didn't mean them."
"I hope this lasts forever."
"Don't go, I need you."
"It's ben a long time."
"Sit and drink with me."
"The pain always subsides eventually."
"I got used to this."
"Tell me it'll be okay."
"I can't say sorry anymore."
"Please come back to bed."
"It wasn't worth losing you."
"There's too much at stake for me to let you be so selfish."
"Sometimes I wish that I never met you."
"You're insufferable, but I love you."
"It's a nasty business, that's what they don't tell you about loving someone."
"I have lost everything, but I keep going because I have to."
"There's a whole world of poeple out there who will love you."
"I know I'm now who you wanted to spend the night with, but I am here."
"I give up, being loved isn't worth all this humiliation."
"If you look away from me again, I swear I'll stop."
"You can have me any way you want, just ask nicely."
"You've taken good care of me, now let me take care of you."
"You have got to stop distracting me so much while I'm trying to work."
"Hey, all I'm looking for tonight is a good time."
"There's not a lot a good kiss can't solve."
#prompt list#random prompts#dialogue prompts#smut prompts#angst prompts#hurt comfort prompts#fluff prompts#mine#writing prompts#writing resources#reblog#please do use and reblog#ficblr#assorted prompts
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Do you take requests? I'm having a really crummy time rn and would love to see Gyutaro stumbling onto a young woman with some pretty bad parent issues. Like, the man can fr relate.
Gyutaro comforts you when you're having family issues
❀ CW: Angst & Fluff, Gender neutral reader
❀ AN: I am so so sorry it took me so long to answer this one. It got drowned in the sea of requests, but I hope that you enjoy how it came out!
❀ WC:985
Gyutaro was waiting outside of Ume's school to pick her up from cheerleading practice. He got there a bit early so he was just waiting around outside by his motorcycle. And that's when he heard it. The sound of someone crying.
Walking around the corner of the brick building, he sees you sitting on the ground with your knees pulled up to your chest. Sniffling and trying to muffle your sobs.
Shit, Gyutaro thought as he stared down at you. He recognized you. You were one of the students on the team with his sister, you had even been to their apartment a few times. Gyutaro had never spoken to you much but he knew you well enough to know that you were a good influence on his sister. One of the few friends of hers that he actually approved of.
"Y/N?" he kneels down and puts a hand on your shoulder.
You peer up at him, "Oh, h-hey Gyutaro," you sniffle. Usually you'd be more embarrassed about crying in front of someone, but you've reached a point where you can no longer care.
"Everythin' alright?" He says with concern, trying to be kind but also not pry too much. He normally wouldn't give two shits about someone crying. But he knows you are his sister's friend and he has a soft spot for you. If someone saw his sister crying and he wasn't around to comfort her, he'd want them to help her too. He doesn't know if you have a big brother, but right now he's going to try to be that comforting big brother for you. It's one of the things he's best at after all.
You shake your head, "No." You mutter and cover your eyes as your tears continue to flow.
Gyutaro frowns and sits beside you, putting his hand on your back and rubbing it. "Do you wanna talk about what happened? I'm here to listen." He soothes you until you are able to calm down enough to speak.
You go on to tell him about the situation with your parents. And how every day you dread coming home from school and having to deal with their judgmental and controlling behavior. How you don't even feel comfortable in your own home, and it's gotten to the point of being unbearable.
"I-I wish I could just run away... I can't do this anymore Gyutaro. But I have no where else to go... I feel so trapped." You whimper, feeling everything crumbling around you as you finally verbalize your feelings to another person for the first time.
Gyutaro knows this feeling all too well. You remind him of himself when he was in high school. But he doesn't want you to end up like him, a drop out working a dead end job.
He wraps his arm around you and allows you to cry on his chest. Using his other hand to stroke your hair, muttering, "Shh it's ok... I know I know..." as you break down in tears once again.
"I was in a similar position when I was in high school," he sighs, "I understand how you feel. And it really fucking sucks. It makes you feel like you'll be trapped forever, and you can't even go to the people that are supposed to be there for you the most."
He pauses for a moment as he remembers a painful memory, "But look, you can't be like me. I ended up dropping out my junior year... and look where it got me? Nowhere."
You look up at him and wipe your tears, "But that's not true! You were able to get Ume out of that bad situation and provide a better life for her and yourself," you try to reassure him that he isn't a failure like he may think.
A small smile forms across his lips, "I guess that's true... but that still doesn't mean you can drop out! You need to value your future, at least more than I did," he pulls out a receipt from his pocket and writes something on it.
"Here, this's my phone number. I know it ain't easy to just suck it up and live like things are ok. Nah it's actually impossible. And right now it may seem like there are no options for you, but I promise things will get better. As soon as you graduate I'll help you figure out how to get away from your parents. But for now, you have to stay with them."
He frowns somberly, wishing he could give you some better advice but he knows he can't.
"If you ever need me, don't hesitate to call. You're welcome anytime at our home, ok? If things get to be too much and you just need to get away, call me and I'll come pick you up. Just promise you won't drop out, alright?"
You nod, taking the piece of paper with shaky hands. Staring at the number scribbled down, repeating it in your head just in case.
"Thank you, Gyutaro," you smile, "I really appreciate this."
"Don't worry about it," he pinches your cheek, "There's that pretty smile. You shouldn't cry so much or else you'll get ugly forehead wrinkles like my sister."
You can't help but chuckle from his comment. Using his brotherly charm to make you laugh warms his heart.
He stands up and reaches his hand out to you. You grab onto his large hands and pull yourself up, wiping away the dirt from your cheerleading uniform.
"How about you come back to our place tonight. I can order takeout and we can watch whatever reality tv shit you and Ume like."
"R-really? I don't want to inconvenience you..."
He leans forward and snatches your bag, "Well I'm takin' your bag so if you want it back I guess you gotta come to our place," he gives you a cheeky smile.
#gyutaro#gyutaro shabana#gyutaro x reader#gyutaro x y/n#gender neutral reader#gender neutral y/n#demon slayer x gender neutral reader#kny x gender neutral reader#replies
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ive thought a little more about devils nest dungeon meshi au (demons nest?) and here is the idea i was bouncing around in my head. id love for some kind of lore compliance check because i havent really gone back over the manga since i finished it, or sought out any kind of supplemental material, and i like the challenge of fitting these kinds of things into the boundaries of the source (once again DUNGEON MESHI SPOILERS. for people who havent read the manga at all)
so you have this demon (in a dungeon) (granting desires and eating them) (getting stronger) (hoping someday he can get out of the dungeon). and hes been in there a while and boy does he love watching humans get their greatest wishes granted, but the part where they gradually go mad with power or get disenchanted with the results and also he has to eat their desires anyway eventually kind of blows. he wishes he could only have the good part where he gets to make people happy forever is that too much to ask. maybe when he gets out of the dungeon he can do something about that. love to get out of the dungeon
anyway fast forward a while and this guy comes in. some teenage prince from a tallman country thats wracked with internal conflict and what HE wants is to become immortal, because that way when he takes the throne his reign will be eternal and the different clans will stop fighting over the right of succession. thats so specific. the demon loves it. he can just give him a peaceful united empire here, in the dungeon, which he can rule eternally-- no he wants the one at home. well. the problem with that is that the demon is here, in the dungeon, and not out there.
HELP WANTED NOTICE: i dont remember what the exact plan was vis a vis the winged lion getting up to the surface in the manga and i know it Had to be simpler than "just walk out of there" because why would it have had to steal laios' body about it. WOULD a sufficiently dedicated dungeon lord be able to get back up to the surface with their respective demon in tow.
ADDITIONAL HELP WANTED NOTICE: if a demon WAS freed from the dungeon without being powerful enough to get out under its own strength, how much magic would it be able to perform out there? would it be able to make somebody immortal without the big magic-insulation box. i feel like this changes a lot if greed Can grant ling immortality vs if now that hes out of the dungeon he cant really do shit.
either way now that hes out he does not technically need to eat this kids desires specifically anymore. if the immortality thing is a bust, maybe hes shaken by the experience of not being able to fulfill somebodys wish for the first time. but HIS wish has been fulfilled instead? complicated! maybe ling drags him back to his kingdom to help him gain the throne, or maybe he gets mad and leaves and greed never finds out what happens to him, but whatever goes down it changes his worldview and hes starting to develop a sense of personhood separate from the rest of the Demon Conglomerate, and also desires that are unique to Him
but he still wants to help people realize their own desires and maybe thats even strengthened by the fact that now he personally knows how much it owns (funny) to want something so bad and finally get it. so im thinking eventually he goes back to his old dungeon, now way smaller, and he sets up shop, and just waits for people to come by so he can help them in a less exploitative way. like he graduates from Addiction Metaphor to Healthy Coping Mechanism Metaphor. and the chimeras all find their way there eventually and he wins their trust one at a time until they are forced to admit this weird overly genuine dungeon guy kind of rules. his personality is laios basically he has the exact same type of autistic swag
but. if the elves heard about a demon who was just fucking going up to people floor 1 like hi im a demon welcome to my dungeon. they would shit bricks. so the raid also has to happen at some point. and i Am putting ling in there albeit as backstory so im open to suggestions as to how the rest of the cast of fma can fit into this (father and the homunculi as other more typical demons obviously) (no clue about anybody else) (come and play toys with me)
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shake it out
Annabeth looks at her relationship with trust through the years, particularly with Percy and Luke. (or an excuse to freak out about the trailer through annabeth's trauma)
also on ao3
title and lyrics from Florence + the Machine's 'Shake it Out'
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Looking back, Annabeth can't believe how young she was. She was so young, not even five feet tall yet. Looking back, she can't believe anyone ever let them go on quests so young. More than anything, she can't believe they survived.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
She can't blame Chiron; he is as much a subject of the gods as she is. Honestly, she doesn't know what she would have done without his training and Camp. Probably died. There's not much else she could have done. Such is the way of the gods and their children.
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
The younger campers treat them like gods, heroes to look up to. They all wanna be just like her and Percy. She doesn't have the heart to tell them the truth about her life, how much grief being a hero had brought her, or that she sometimes wishes Luke had won.
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
She remembers hugging Percy after finding out Luke betrayed them. She had been devastated, then, almost too upset to berate herself for entrusting him with her heart. She should've known he would never stay; she should've known he would disappoint her, just like everyone else.
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
She thought he would always stay. He said he'd always stay.
And I've been a fool and I've been blind (I've been blind)
I can never leave the past behind
She thought he would always be there. He said he'd always be there.
Because they were family.
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
She thought she'd never be able to trust anyone again, that no one could fix the walls everyone else helped build around her heart, thick and fortified with the hurt from so many people. She could still feel it like phantom pain, feel her hands clawing at their retreating backs, and then, eventually, feel the absence of their eyes as she walked away.
They never cared. No one ever fucking cared.
All of his questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
Then Percy came along. She tried to run away.
It didn't work.
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Percy, who started tearing bricks away with every day he stayed until there was a hole big enough for him to fit through. He didn't even know he was doing it. Maybe that made him even more endearing.
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
So maybe she let him in. She did pride herself on her brain, and that was the smartest thing she ever did. Maybe that gave her the courage to let some others in, too.
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back (shake him off)
And given half the chance would I take any of it back? (shake him off)
Her life was already so miserable. Why put herself through more shit on purpose if she had the chance to be happy?
Maybe it was time to let go of the past and be happy.
It's a fine romance, but it's left me so undone (shake him off)
It's always darkest before the dawn (shake him off) (Oh whoa, oh whoa)
Maybe her dad never loved her. Maybe Thalia still left, again. Maybe her mom treated her like a commodity, to be used and put away until she was needed again. But Percy stayed. And Luke tried, in the end.
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
So she could let Percy in. She can love him with all her heart because he loves her with all of his.
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
She can trust him with her heart. How could she not, after all this time, after everything they’ve been through?
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me (oh whoa)
Looking for heaven, for the devil in me (oh whoa)
Even if he hurts her (and she knows he never will), at least she'll have had him, and she'll have something to show for the worst years of her life. And, maybe, just maybe, she’ll have a few other people, too.
But what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
They are everything. They are 12 years old, fighting to live through their first quest. They are 13, saving Grover from unimaginable monsters and holding the world on their backs. They are blowing up mountains. They are traversing the Labyrinth. They are saving the world. They are going through hell. But they are surviving, together, and she wouldn't have it any other way.
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
#percy jackon and the olympians#annabeth chase#percabeth#percy jackson#song fic#my writing#my fic#fanfic#percabeth fic#percabeth fanfic#pjo#pjo fic#pjo fanfic#angst#luke castellan#florence and the machine#song: shake it out
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glad you’re having fun with 2012! what are your thoughts so far? (you can answer this anytime lol)
okay becayse i say a lot here have a read more ^-^
TJHEY'RE MOSTLY THE SAME TO MY ORIGINAL THOUGHTS but Mikey is slowly rising to 2nd place in my 2012 favorite turtle leaderboard, but Raph is still #1 tho
god i LOVEE the 3d and something about it reminds me of bricks or clay and i want to bite into it and it is VERY COOL
i love the other mutants designs theyre AWESOME so far.(except that one. spider. ball. thing. i refuse to believe it wasnt a figment of my imagination) Favorite so far would be that big fucking plant guy... free salad.
The kraang tech is really just. So fun to look at!!! And the kraang are so fun to listen to when theyre on screen <3
APRIL. she's pretty cool i once again wish to say I hope she stops running into oncoming traffic all the time because holy shit. BUT!!!! VERY COOL. I dont exactly like her design tho but what can ya do, yaknow.
I want to punt karai. Thats all I have to say.
I ALSO want to punt Splinter but I'm still on the fence of whether or not thats negative or postitive right now. He's hoppin between being a character i like and a character i despise every single second. BUT FOR NOW LETS SAY HE'S PRETTY FUNNY AND I ENJOY WHEN HE'S ON SCREEN. MOST OF THE TIME.
Leatherhead my shining star ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
I haven't mentioned how much I enjoy Leo in this version yet have i? Leo. <3
2012 is very fucking weird and i am very much enjoying it!!
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thots on saito now he's back?
So Saitou has thots now...............
More seriously, I don't have a ton to say just yet since his reintegration into the cast is so fresh but I'm tentatively interested to see how things go. I really appreciate he wasn't just uncritically accepted back into the fold and that Miyako smashed his face in with a brick offscreen like she deserved so my bare minimum for vibing with this plot thread had been met and I'm excited to see where we go from here.
About Saitou as a character in general... I think I like him a lot more than I maybe should do? LOL
Not necessarily because he's an unpleasant or unlikable character (though I would totally get it if somebody was off on him) but because I think my fondness for him is pretty out of proportion to his actual role in the story. I've said this before but the Strawberry Pro family from volume one (Ai and the twins & Ichigo and Miyako) is my favourite dynamic in the manga so Saitou kind of inherits a lot of goodwill on the basis of being part of that group alone.
I am also, like any other gay person with taste, extremely weak to the trope of "guy accidentally becomes the dad of a troubled teen and doesn't even realise it" so Saitou and Ai's relationship was basically cooked up in a lab to make me so so so so so so so sad and soft. I also just think he and Ai have a really fun rapport when they're together and getting to revisit it is one of my favourite part of rereading or rewatching the prologue arc. Wanting to see more of that dynamic is one of the big reasons (apart from, you know, The Obvious) that I wish we'd get some kind of comfy happy end spinoff or an anthology or something.
I also really like what he does for the series commentary on the entertainment industry, however accidental or otherwise it was on Aka's part. I think when you're writing a story like OnK which is so strongly about commentary on abusive systems, it's very easy to make it onto a black and white issue where everyone involved is either an active perpetrator or a hapless victim - OnK is refreshing to me in that it's very honest about how many people there are in that fucked up system trying their best to just make good art and minimize any harm done in the process but end up perpetuating harm regardless.
Saitou is in this gray area for me where I think it's undeniable that he was complicit in exploiting and hurting Ai - at every step of the way, Ai was a Strawberry Productions commodity before she was his daughter and Saitou loved her even as he was feeding her to the idol industry meat grinder. But at the same time, B-Komachi gave Ai hope. It gave her opportunities and a goal to work towards and it got her out of a truly dogshit situation that she had no power to change without help, even before she was pregnant.
So it's like... yes, Saitou was complicit in Ai's suffering, but he was also one of the very few people in the industry who really, genuinely gave a shit about her. He's not blameless by any stretch, but it's hard for me to WANT to blame him especially since like... the dude lost his daughter!!! I think that's punishment enough, don't you?
Man, I had a lot more to say than expected lol. Thank u for the ask, anon, I hope this was interesting to read!
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Aaaaand maybe track 11, with Eddie? I’d choose a love song for him, but I really am curious as to what you’d do with this song…..eheh….ya know it, fave song is Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo 😅❤️❤️❤️
All Dressed Up with Nowhere to Go
Track 11 - Hungry Heart by Bruce Springsteen: Pick a character and tell me your favorite song, and I'll write a short blurb or headcanons based on it.
Kas! Eddie x GN! Reader
thank you, irma! i'd never listened to dead man's party before, but it fucking SLAPS. i hope you like what i made for you 🥰
📼✨ mixtape milestone ✨📼 requests open through march 1st
Warnings: drinking, puking, ANGST, talk of death and mourning, making out, blood sucking for the sluts uwu, language, a very open ending
Your hand is getting cold.
You let your eyes wander down briefly, stopping when you spy the cause. There's punch spilling over the edge of your cup, trickling down your hand and leaving a sticky red stain behind.
Your mind's been on the run all night—or at least after the last four drinks—always looking for something simple to focus on but never staying long.
The sweaty condensation dripping down the windows. The thumping base traveling from the dance floor. And now the way the punch shines like blood against your skin in the spooky lights Steve spent the afternoon hanging.
"Hey, hey, hey."
A big hand covers your own, reaching for the cup, and you pull it back on instinct, trying to place the pretty brown eyes.
Steve. Of course. Speak of the devil.
He looks handsome, and very Harrison Ford-esque in the vest you found together at the costume shop. The costume fits him better than the Leia dress does you. In all the billowing white fabric, you look like a ghost every time you catch your own reflection.
So maybe that fits you fine. You hardly feel like you're here at all.
There's a crease between Steve's brows, and he reaches for the cup in your other hand. You pull back on instinct, sloshing punch in the other direction. It lands with a loud splat on the floor.
"I think you've had enough," he says softly.
Steve purses his lips, and you know he's holding back a whole slew of unhelpful phrases. You've heard them all—I know it's hard, but you have to try and enjoy yourself. Eddie wouldn't want you to be sad. He wouldn't want you to spend his favorite holiday crying into a pillow or blacked out on my couch. He'd want you to move on.
But Eddie's been dead for six months. So who gives a fuck what he would want.
You pull the cup to your lips, drink and drink and drink, letting the sweet sting burn any chance of tears from your eyes.
Steve only put this party together for your benefit. It was a nice gesture—going through the list of couple's costumes you and Eddie made together before, mashing the playlist of songs Eddie loved with ones people would actually want to dance to.
But you wish he hadn't. You wish he had let you wallow.
The empty cup crushes against Steve's waiting hand. You sway a little closer so he can hear you over the music.
"I'm gonna go dance."
There's a splash of guitar from the speakers, and you know it's one of your songs from the confused looks of everybody on the dance floor. Whatever. They get over it, swept up in the beat.
You let it take you, too, swinging around wildly, flailing with no concern how you look or who's watching. There was nobody around you wanted to impress anymore.
Eddie wouldn't care what you looked like anyway. He was a shit dancer.
Fuck.
The room is spinning. You're trying to keep with the beat, but there's the same lyrics, echoing over and over and over in your head.
dead man dead man dead man deadmandeadmandeadman. dead.
You're going to fucking puke.
Fighting through the crowd is like wading through a pool of bricks, which would still fucking suck if you were sober, and you are not. Catching on thrown back hands and angel wings, you stumble into the bathroom, just bending over in time to avoid vomiting a red stain down the front of your dress.
Your head has it's own heartbeat, pounding behind your eyes. You dip your cheek down to meet the cool porcelain.
There's no avoiding it. Hot tears spill over your face, plopping like raindrops into the basin. Fucking rock bottom, crying over your dead boyfriend on filthy toilet seat.
There's the sound of the door shutting and latching, just audible over your sobs. You lift your head, so dizzy and sad and hopeless it makes you angry.
"God," you're yelling, loud enough for it to echo off the tiles, "can't you see there's somebody fucking—"
He looks just like you remember him. And not in a good way.
The room already smells like sulfur, the way everything did down there—like sulfur and mold and fucking death. Eddie brought it with him. He brought it all. The holes in his hellfire shirt, scars peaking out of his collar, the mud and shit and blood staining his clothes.
He's got dark blue bags under his eyes, like bruises, cheeks sallow. Looking almost as tired as you feel. But he smiles, just the way he used to.
"Wow, sweetheart," —Eddie's voice is deep and gravelly as he kicks a boot up against the door, nodding back in the direction of the party— "this all for me?"
"Eddie."
That comes out as a sob, too.
He crosses the room in a few strides, a big hand at soft at your back, petting strands of hair off your sweaty forehead.
"Hey princess," he tries to smile, "long time no see."
Jesus. Your head's still spinning. You might puke again. It doesn't help that Eddie keeps going in and out of focus, like maybe you're dreaming this all up, the way his skin feels and the smell of him and the cute little curls in front of his ears.
"You were dead."
He huffs at you. "I think, technically, sweetheart, I still am."
He pulls one of your hands toward his chest, and there's nothing beneath it. No heartbeat. Just Eddie.
He doesn't expect it, the way you launch yourself at him, pulling him to floor. Eddie laughs, wraps his arms around you, his shaking lungs and the feel of his hands full of disbelief.
"I missed you."
You can tell he's missed you, too. He nods into your neck, hot breath on your skin.
"Why didn't you come back before?"
"Halloween seemed like a good time," he whispers, looking you in the eye, "wouldn't want to scare the neighbors."
His lips press tighter together. There's something he's not telling you. If you weren't so fucking high, you'd try to figure it out.
But you are fucking high—high out of your mind—and there's only one thing you want to do right now.
Eddie doesn't taste like death. He tastes like he used to, in the back of his van, in his bed or on the couch, his hands on you and his wandering lips, just bodies and kisses and nothing in between.
"Fuck, baby," he grunts, nipping at your ear, "you gotta be careful with me."
You shake your head. There's enough blood in him for the skin at his neck to turn a shade darker when you bite at it.
Eddie's hips shift against yours. He's breathing harder, although you're not sure where it goes, or what his lungs do with it once it's there.
"Can I- can I taste you, baby?"
"Mhmm."
It feels so good to be caught up in his arms again, you don't even notice the sting when his lips seal around your neck, the way his throat pulses with swallow after swallow. The groan he lets out is pained when he finally rips himself off of you.
Eddie cups your cheeks in both hands, thumbs petting at the left-over tears.
"Awww, baby. I don't think I should have done that."
You hardly hear him. Everything is fuzzy. You let your eyes fall closed, and the soft brush at your hairline could be his lips, or something you made up.
And then he's gone.
Steve's beside you when you lift your head again.
"Jesus, what the fuck happened to you? Robin found you on the floor and thought you were dead."
He's wiping at your neck with a cloth, or paper towel or something, and it hurts.
What did happen to you?
"I- I think I fell."
Steve hums, disapproving, cleaning the dripping blood from your neck, smoothing a bandage over the skin.
When you pull it off the next morning, all that's left of Eddie—or your vision of him—are two perfect little puncture wounds, and a few bruises in the shape of teeth.
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson stranger things#eddie munson#eddie munson thots#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fanfic#my writing#requests#starlightsearches mixtape milestone 📼
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CH 2
NAT POV
I checked over my reflection in the mirror. Another year another Christmas party. My mom and Joes mom always threw one and it was a big deal like half his family came and these guys had a big family. Josh had been weird the past few months hell I remember my birthday asking if he was mad at me and he said no and we argued because I called him out on how he'd been acting. Walking out I bumped into a brick wall and looked up meeting Josh's brown eyes.
"Sorry uce." I muttered hands on his chest.
"You good snickers I ain't know you was up here." I rolled my eyes playfully as I nudged him. That nickname stuck. Thicker than a snicker and it stuck. Him Jon and Joe started saying it the minute I started getting curves at first it was what the hell happened to you because I got curves and a ass and tits seemingly overnight at 12 and by 13 the nickname had stuck and they also started practically being guard dogs and wanting to kill any guy who wanted near me. Hence why I was a damn virgin until I'd asked Joe; truthfully as much as I thought Joe and Jon were hot there was just always something about Josh that once I started to notice boys and how hot my three best friends were I developed a crush but wouldn't say anything because I didn't want it to be weird and I never asked Josh because of that I'd be embarrassed if he'd said no and hurt and secondly I didn't think Jon would let us live it down and I didn't wanna constantly hear about it. Josh still had his hands firmly on my waist as he slid one behind my back pulling me into his chest more than I was as I looked up at him as he started smirking.
"J, what you doing." He pointed up and my eyes followed seeing the mistletoe hanging over our heads.
"You know what they say right." He replied softly as I gulped slowly nodding
"So what about it?" He took a hand off me to grip my face in his hand as he pulled my face in bending his head as he placed his full lips against mine. I gasped in shock as I quickly slid my hands to his face as he slipped his tongue in my mouth. I'd only kissed Joe but with Josh it was all way different. Jesus he could kiss, everything including the noise from downstairs of our families mingling faded as we kissed and Josh and I walked no we ran across a line that was like the damn end zone, end game, this was like every cheesy girl movie and weird romance novel I knew my mom read. This is that soulmate kiss like everything in the puzzle finally fit.
"Aye uce you see- oh shit!"
"What?-oh shit!" Jon and Joes voices snapped us out of it as we jerked back looking at them Josh never removing his hands from me and I had my face hiding in his chest.
"Snickers and Ucey uce y'all getting it in with the mistletoe."
"Shut up Jonathan." I said as he looked at me.
"Aye im just sayin and bout time shit uce been pawnin over you for months naw years."
"What?" I said looking at him.
"What 13 hit hard."
"Why ain't you say anything? Oh my god I'm just like all them girls be talkin-"
"No you not." All three said.
"Yes I am."
"Snick no you aren't." Joe said softly. Knowing everything going through my head. They all knew when something bothered me but I guess being so close with Joe he could read me like a book.
"Yeah I am. Josh." I sighed looking at him "we can't hook up, like that kiss was bomb and they interrupted it but you not gonna want me."
"Why your beautiful look I know being best friends with us is weird but I know you felt-"
"I slept with Joe." I blurted out as they all looked at me
"And that means what?"
"Josh for real I fucked your cousin what it gonna look like if we hook up; I'm really keeping it in the family huh."
"Snickers I've known for a few months you and uce hooked up, wish you would've asked me to take the vCard because I wouldn't have said no because I like you too but I get it you've known him longer and y'all bond different. and fuck every one else hell no one even know about that but us."
"You knew? You told him?" I asked Joe who held his hands up.
"No he did."
"Jon!" I protested "you told Jon, ugh Leati Joesph Anoai, I can't tell you anything."
"Oooo you in trouble uce she done said your government."
"Look I walked in and they were talking and he was pissed at me."
"Yeah I told uce Snickers, he was saying he liked you and was trying find a way to tell you and I told him about you and Joe." I looked over at Josh who still had his arm around me.
"I didn't know."
"Me either and I was mad he got you first I'm tired of always competing with my brothers and shit thought here's a girl they wouldn't go for don't know why and then uce told me you and uce hooked up and he walked in at the end, you mad I told you?"
"I like you too Joshua." I said gently.
"Say it again?"
"I like you too Josh-" he cut me off kissing me again before pulling back.
"Your not fucking my brother."
"Oh my god Josh."
"What you ain't and fuck all them bitches who said your with all of us they just mad they not and mad you really could pull us with ya fine ass.
"Josh"
"It's true."
"Yeah well his girlfriend helped make it worse." I said pointing at Jon
"Aye I broke up with her thank you."
"Yeah and that made it worse because then it was a you left cause of me."
"How many times we gotta tell you haters gon hate."
It took three weeks for my three best friends to get me to date Josh. I was so worried about what others people would think if they ever knew I'd lost my virginity to Joe but was now dating Josh. I'd felt it give weight to people running their mouths like they already did. Dating Josh was a lot different than being friends with Josh, he was always loving but when it's geared towards you a different way it's different but I liked it, he was sweet and romantic and the day Eki and his dad found out they grilled his ass like I was their kid not that he was their son and nephew Eki said you hurt her ima beat your ass. Our first date we went and watched a scary movie Final Destination and grabbed dinner from some pizza place and Josh he'd shown up with my favorite flowers, roses and sunflowers. They were compiled together in a beautiful bouquet. Our first date I mean I'd always known my friends were special but this was when I realized Josh was different.
3 MONTHS LATER
I sat my back against Josh's headboard and his head in my lap. We were hanging out spending some time together, homework was done and Jon, Joe and the little brothers Sefa and Jeremiah were in the living room doing who knows what, Josh and I just wanted alone time. We could hear them down the hall from where the door was cracked.
"When did you start liking me?" I asked suddenly as his head turned from the tv towards me my fingers trailing over the red durag that covered his faded hair.
"Middle of 8th grade. I mean I guess starting like summer 6th and in 7th I started noticing you as more than a friend but it was like full blown like I wanna date her and kiss her til 8th."
"Why did you wait til half through freshman year to say anything to me about it? Did anyone know?"
"I ain't wanna be weird or creep you out, we best friends I ain't wanna ruin anything by saying something and you not feeling the same then shit changin and being weird. I'd rather not say anything and have you than tell you and anything change and no until I finally told Jon when he asked why I was being weird around you ain't no one know."
"I wish you'd told me."
"It took a bit but I did, wish I'd said something sooner too. So when you start liking me?"
"Hey I was asking questions not you."
"I am now though so when?"
"When we was 13, I started noticing boys more and of course I'd notice y'all hell every girl in PCola noticed y'all."
"Yeah we fine."
"Josh." I giggled as we both laughed. He touched my face gently making me look at him. He lifted up on his elbows kissing me. He licked my lips asking for more and I opened my mouth as we went from kissing to making out within a few minutes. He sat up moving between my legs kissing me as we both moaned.
"Aye uce what-" we jumped apart as Jon walks in a smirk on his face "shit you lucky I wasn't mom she'd beat both your asses."
"Excuse you your mother loves me, unlike the hoes you be having in here."
"My girlfriend is not a hoe."
"Nah she's just a bitch." Josh chuckled kissing my neck as he moved off me. It was no secret me and Jon's girlfriend couldn't stand each other and it wasn't for my lack of trying. However she was rude anytime she was around to me just a rude nasty bitch that at this point only Jon liked and she was wearing his ass out on it too.
"What you want uce?" Josh asked and I could hear the annoyance in his voice, upset Jon had walked in.
"Mom wanted kno what to make for dinner should tell her you havin dessert already."
"Jon shut up we watching a movie."
"Nah y'all was about to fuck, watching a damn movie playin tonsil hockey."
"Oh my god we was kissing it was a kiss."
"Oh that was more than a kiss hell if I wanted longer the bed be banging." I tossed a pillow at him that he easily caught tossing it back.
"Your not gonna have a twin."
"You're not gonna hurt him."
"But I wanna."
"Mmm you look cute pouting juicy lips." He said kissing me again.
"Mmm." I replied pulling back. "Nah you the juicy one, ucey jucey. Thick ass soft lips. I really like kissing you."
"Me too." In the three months we'd been dating I found out kissing him was becoming one of my favorite things. I simply couldn't get enough of Josh. I wish we had more classes together though. He groaned as I gently nipped his bottom lip grabbing a handful of my ass. A bang on the door had him rollling his eyes as he got up opening the door, the attitude immediately leaving him as his uncle stood there."yes sir."
"I know you ain't in here doing anything."
"No just hanging and talking, we done with homework."
"Mhmm you know I'm not stupid right."
"I'm being honest uncle Eki." He looked over at me over Josh's shoulder.
"We just studied and did homework and were talking." He started laughing nudging Josh
"Dinners done oh and nephew."
"Yes sir."
"Wipe the lips gloss off your lips."
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Home
Chapter 34: Fuck It...
💜Fic Pairing: OT7 x OFC
💜AU/Genre: Reverse Harem/Polyfidelity/Ghosts/AMBW
💜Warnings: Adult Language/Adult Content
💜Rating: MA
💜Word Count: 3928
Jimin’s POV
When I’m inside the precinct, I’m approached by an officer asking if I needed some help.
“Hey, Jimin, right? What are you doing here this late?”
“Yeah…ummm, I’m looking for Officer Jeon.”
The attractive officer wears her hair in a sleek ponytail that hangs about midway down her back. Her uniform fits her body well, hugging her curves as if it were painted on. Now, being the man that I am, I would have loved to see what we could get into off duty, yet here I am. Barely able to focus on her, all of my attention is zeroed in on finding Officer Jeon, thinking that he is the only way that I can check on Tia without coming off as a total creep. Yeah, sure, I know where she lives but I can’t exactly just pop up.
Ms. Officer lets me know that Officer Jeon won’t be on duty for another hour, which would usually aggravate me as I’m impatient by nature, but today I suddenly feel like I have all the time in the world. And so I wait. I decline coffee or water from her and I take a seat on an empty chair near Jeon’s desk where I begin to scroll aimlessly through my phone.
After what seems like only a few minutes, Officer Jeon comes strutting over. My eyes involuntarily scan his body, admiring how his uniform spreads across his broad, muscular chest. I take notice of the way the veins in his arm protrude while a bag of food dangles from his fingertips. Fuck…what’s a manly way to say he is fine as fuck. I bet he gets tons of women? I try to shake those misogynistic thoughts away, continuing to observe his every move as if in a trance. He has the most adorable smile, flashing it around as he greets his colleagues. Judging by the way he walks, I can tell he has a big d…
“Park? What’s up? What are you doing here?”
I’m snatched from my thoughts, hoping that I didn’t say any of that aloud. I’m a man, afterall…we don’t think like that about each other. Unless of course the man is gay, but I’m not gay. Right? I love women! Honestly, I do, but why am I so drawn and transfixed on this perfectly sculpted man? His beautifully warm and inviting eyes seem to peer into my soul. He’s raising an eyebrow at me while I continue to stare, taking in the details of his beauty. His perfectly strong jawline, the way he’s styled his hair, that cute little mole that taunts me from the shadow of his bottom lip…
“Park? Bro, you good?”
“Fuck…my bad, yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”
He sits down at his desk, glancing at me from the corner of his eye before rummaging through the bag, pulling out a sandwich and a plastic bowl of assorted fruits. Unwrapping the sandwich carefully, he gestures towards me in offering. I decline his offer with a shake of my head and he continues to look at me, obviously giving me an opportunity to speak regarding my unexpected visit. I feel frozen in place, immediately regretting coming here, my face warms under his seemingly knowing expression.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Officer Jeon just smirks, blowing a breath out of his nostrils in amusement.
“Bro, I’m just waiting for you to tell me what’s up. Is there something you need from me?”
“Ummm…yeah, I just wanted to see how things are going. Just wanted to check in, you know?”
He just nods his head, a lump of food in his cheek, chewing and swallowing it down before speaking again.
“Are you wanting to check on Tia?”
I damn near fall backwards out of the chair, the question striking my core like a ton of bricks. Completely embarrassed, I compose myself while wishing the earth would just open up and swallow me whole.
“Are you alright?”
Jeon’s expression is not one that I expected. I thought that he would be struggling to contain his laughter, but that’s not it. He has placed his sandwich down and is turned to face me directly. How the fuck did he know?
“How did you know that’s what I was going to ask?”
“Let’s just say, I was in your position not too long ago, and I saw the way you were looking at her earlier. Your gaze was as if her features were the only thing you needed for sustenance.” After a pause, he continues, “So, would you say you feel this insane attraction to her? This yearning that you know will not subside until she’s near you? You want nothing more than to love and cherish her, making sure that she’s safe and happy at all times?”
“Yeah! Yeah, exactly like that! Damn, my bad if I’ve overstepped again. Are you two dating or….”
“Honestly, I don’t know what this is,” he says leaning back comfortably in his chair, “I just know that I don’t want it to end. I’m at the point where I’m like ‘fuck it’. Why does everything need to be classified and have a label slapped on it, you know? We are just us, enjoying each other,” he shrugs. “Not everything needs an explanation. If we’re happy and not hurting others, then it is what it is.”
“Yeah, you’re right. People stay trying to put people in a specific box. Why can’t I just be me?”
“Exactly!”
We sit through a comfortable silence until Jeon shifts back to his dinner.
“You sure you don’t want any?”
Now tasting the fruit, he furrows his brows and if anyone were to walk by right now, they’d probably assume we’re arguing by the way he’s looking. I decline again. Shaking my palm to him and I can’t help but to smile, admiring his expression. He is adorable.
“Thanks for the offer, though,” to which he just nods, continuing to eat, sliding a strawberry off his fork between his teeth.
“So,” he smacks around the fruit until he can swallow it, “I don’t really know how to explain this, but I can only tell you what I’m seeing and experiencing. You and I aren’t the only ones in this predicament in regard to Tia. She’s home right now with Taehyung. He’s the owner of the window installation and repair company that fixed her front window and he is also experiencing the pull towards her. I can see that he has genuine feelings for her, as I can see it in you. I noticed it immediately.”
Damn, was I that obvious? Need I repeat that I have no issues with the ladies? This is so not like me, but I couldn’t care less. There’s an ache in my soul that I know will not be soothed until I see her again. I don’t say anything and lean my elbows onto my knees.
“Dude, what am I supposed to do? I’ve never felt like this before about anyone or fallen this quickly. It’s like I’ve known her my whole life and I’ve only met her once and we barely spoke to each other. I just need to see her, to be near her.”
“I’m telling you, I get it, cause same! My only advice would be to let your heart lead the way, even if it seems ridiculous. Don’t think too much and just do what feels right.”
“I can’t do that! It’s too late to just pop up at her house unannounced. I have SOME morals, Jeon.”
He shakes his head and says, “Didn’t I just tell you not to think too much? What do you want to do right this second?”
“I want to see her…to have her in my arms.”
“Then do that. I’ll call Taehyung and let him know you’re on your way.”
Taehyung’s POV
I’ve never been this happy, just sitting here doing payroll and listening to Tia’s heavy breathing, still sleeping peacefully. My phone rings from the nightstand and I nearly drop my laptop trying to get to it. Who the fuck could be calling at 9:00 at night?! Thankfully, it doesn’t wake her but she does stir a bit, rolling over to her other side causing the blanket to ride down a bit. I answer the call, after looking at my screen seeing that it’s Jungkook but I don’t speak right away, taking a moment to pull the covers that were disturbed back up to Tia’s shoulder. I then step out into the hallway before speaking.
“Did you miss us? You’ve only been gone for barely two hours.”
“Yes, I do miss you guys, so much. I hate that I’ll be on third watch all this week.”
“I know. We miss you, too. Well, I do…Tia is still sleeping. Hopefully she’ll sleep through the night.”
“Yeah, hopefully so. I was actually calling to check in and to let you in on a little surprise!”
“Surprise?! Tell me more!”
Tia’s POV
I wake up cuddled in close, my head on his arm and my face in the crook of his neck. He smells different, but I’m not complaining, as he still smells like home. Hopefully I don’t wake him up, but I have to use the restroom NOW. When I try to detach myself from him, he pulls me in closer and tighter, stroking my back with his fingertips. His touch feels so calming and is almost lulling me back to sleep, however, my bladder is immensely opposed to that. As an attempt to get out of bed without disturbing him, I try to roll away slowly but find myself bumping into another body. Oh, Jungkook must have come back after getting off work.
When I’ve done a full 180, instead of finding Jungkook, I see Taehyung's handsome face sleeping peacefully. I give in to the temptation, rubbing the hair from his face before I kiss his lips, to which he smiles in his sleep. Completely transfixed on his handsome face and in awe over his cute little sleeping smile, I reach my hand around his waist to cuddle him, only to find an arm already there. My head pops up like one of those prairie dogs you’d find on the discovery channel. It’s Jungkook adhered to his back, sleeping equally as peacefully, his hair tousled equally as messily.
If 2+2=4, then, who the fuck did I wake up cuddled up to? I turn to my stomach, propped up on my elbows to take a peek at the fourth person tucked cozily in my bed. When I look over to him, he’s already looking at me! Oh my fucking goodness! I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised to see him again. Even though he’s just waking up, he looks breathtaking.
“Good morning, Beautiful.”
I can’t hide my smile, even when I tuck my lips into my mouth before covering my face in the pillow which causes him to giggle the cutest laugh. I turn my head so that he still can’t see my face but can hear a muffled, “Good morning!”
Even though we try not to laugh too loud so as to not wake the others. I’m about to piss myself trying to hold in this laughter, only for my belly laugh to rock the bed enough that the guys begin to rustle. Jimin and I look at each other with wide eyes and our mouths, in unison, form a perfect circle. His eyes disappear as he begins to snicker again but motions for me to be quiet. Slowly, he moves from under the covers, and rolls out of bed, reaching out a hand for me to follow, and I do.
Tiptoeing, I then lead the way to the bathroom where I can finally relieve myself of this tortuous pressure. When I come out to go wash my hands, Jimin slips past me to alleviate his own nagging bladder. Moments later, he’s meeting me at the sink as I’m now drying my hands and when he’s finished and done the same, he takes me into his arms. Not realizing it until now, this is where I’ve wanted to be since I saw his face yesterday. Like an invisible string, I felt instantly connected to him, wanting to have him near. When I place my cheek between his pecs, it’s as if another piece of my heart falls into place.
Jimin and I are in the kitchen making coffee and a small breakfast by the time the other two decide to join us.
“Good morning,” Jimin and I say at the same time, on the same key, in the same sing-song manner. We look at each other in shock which fades to amusement instantly. Jungkook and Taehyung are just as amused as we are, laughing before returning and mimicking our greeting.
I hold up a mug of coffee as an offering to the guys, to which Taehyung makes a repulsed face, rejecting my offer but Jungkook comes over to blow lightly into my cup before taking a sip.
“Mmm, that’s so good! What did you put in it?”
I grab a mug from the cabinet, bringing it over to the coffee station to fix a cup for Jungkook as he watches intently, mentally memorizing the exact ingredients and measurements. I continue my movements, but we both glance over our shoulders briefly when we hear Taehyung introducing himself to Jimin.
“Hey, I didn’t get to introduce myself properly last night, but I’m Taehyung,” he says, shaking Jimin’s free hand and pulling him into a brief chest bump.
“Nice to meet you. Sorry if I disturbed you guys last night…I know it was a little late, I just had to see Tia.”
“No, no worries at all…I completely understand. Our special lady has that effect on us too.”
Jimin smiles a smile that I can only interpret as acceptance as he continues to scramble our eggs. I imagine he’s nervous coming into this, as it is not conventional according to societal norms, with two men already here with one woman…but I’m glad he’s here.
Once we’ve had our fill of eggs, toast, bacon, and coffee (or orange juice for Taehyung), I go up to take a quick shower, trading places with Jimin when I step out to get dressed and Jungkook goes back to bed as he just got home a few hours ago. Home? I mean, I wouldn’t mind him living here. It’s not like I don’t have a shit ton of space, but would he want to live here? What the fuck? I’ve literally known him for less than a week, what am I on about?!
“Are you ok,” Taehyung asks when I'm back in the kitchen to keep him company as he’s washing the dishes, taking a seat at the island. “What are you overthinking about, Jagi?”
“Stop trying to act like you know me,” I tease with a chuckle that he returns.
“I know you well enough to know what that spaced out look means.” He’s right…he knows.
“Nothing, really, I was just thinking about our situation. This is strange, you know, but I love it. Just thinking that Jungkook hasn’t been home in several days, only going to get more clothes and coming right back. This place just feels right, feels like refuge for all of us…our peaceful escape from the chaos of the world. I know I probably sound insane or insanely clingy,” I shake my head completely embarrassed, knowing from past relationships that this will be the reason they all ghost me. I try to rectify the problem before it arises, ”Either way, I’ll be quiet now…I’m talking crazy, I know.”
Taehyung dries his hands on the nearby towel and comes to where I’m sitting on a bar stool. He pulls me up to stand before he’s sitting himself, just to pull me between his legs.
“I don’t think you’re talking crazy at all. I’ve been feeling the same way…hating to go home or to the office, anywhere you’re not at,” he pauses, rubbing my exposed thighs lightly. “I know all of this may seem strange or out of the norm, but it all just feels so right. From the first day I stepped foot in this house and saw your face, this felt like home to me. I’ve imagined coming home, walking in, and being greeted by your and Jungkook’s smiling faces. And now Jimin…It all feels like a dream that I’m afraid to wake up from. I would be completely broken if I wake up and you’re not in my life.”
I pull him into me and he rests his head on my shoulder, allowing me to run my fingers through his hair. He pulls back just enough to look me in the eyes, hands rubbing up my thighs to the round of my ass.
“Honestly, I’m scared…I’m in my head but my thoughts don’t match how I’m feeling. My mom taught me to always follow my gut, my intuition will never steer me wrong.”
“So, what is your gut telling you about all of this?”
“To love you. Just to love you all.”
“Then, there you have it. There’s your answer.”
“I know…I know, but this is all new to me. I’ve never felt this connected to a man before, moreless three men! It’s just going to be an adjustment, as I’m sure it will be for all of us.”
We stay in this position for a while longer, just looking at and caressing each other. The doorbell rings, pulling us back to the present. Taehyung goes back to his task at the sink, and I go to answer the door. I swing it open to find Grey and John on the other side.
“Tia, my love…how are you feeling,” Grey falls onto me, pulling me into his arms. “Why haven't you called us? I’ve been worried sick! I haven’t eaten, I can’t sleep.”
John rolls his eyes pulling me away from Grey to get a hug himself and kisses my cheek before walking in.
We follow Grey who is now walking towards the kitchen. While I realize our situation is nontraditional, I still don’t think much about him walking in to see Taehyung at the sink.
“Oh!” Grey covers his heart, mouth ajar at the sight. “Is this the window guy?”
Taehyung simply laughs at his new title, drying his hands once again, before coming over to introduce himself to the guys again.
“Yes,” he laughs again, “I’m the window guy from the other day. My name is Taehyung. It’s nice to meet you both again.
“Babe, you met him at the hospital too, remember?” John tries to lighten the mood, reaching a hand out to shake Taehyung’s.
“I was completely broken that night. I don’t remember much, just that my baby sister was in distress,” he retorts.
“Yes, he was at the hospital with Officer Jeon,” John explains further.
Grey looks at me with a devilish smirk.
“Two men? What a hoe!”
“Grey!” John snarls, obviously more understanding and not wanting to make a joke of my love life.
I’m practically in tears, laughing at my friend’s unfiltered response knowing that he means no harm, while Taehyung stands looking uncomfortable in front of us.
“Bitch, you don’t know the half of it!” I reply once I’m able to catch my breath, taking Taehyung’s hand into my own.
With perfect timing, I hear Jimin coming down the stairs, calling out to me, “Beautiful! I have an assignment to go to right now, but I can come back a little after five if that’s okay.”
When he rounds the corner into the kitchen, he freezes when he sees we have company.
“Oh, bitch!” Grey is completely floored, grabbing my hand to pull me downstairs into the basement to speak privately. I can’t help but to cackle at his reaction, not resisting his pull.
“What the fuck is going on here? Spill,” he demands once we’re alone.
“See, what had happened was…”
“Nuh uh…I don’t want to hear that ‘what had happened was’ shit. Are you dating all three of these men?”
“Well…”
Without letting me respond, he continues, “Let me put my friend hat on.” He goes through the action of miming, putting his imaginary hat on. “You know I won’t judge and only want you to live your best life. Are you fucking them all? What is this a throuple?! A quad?”
“Grey,” I try to interject but he’s on a roll. After knowing him for over a decade, I relent, knowing that he’s got to get all of his thoughts out.
“Are you all using protection? Do they fuck each other? Did they all stay the night? What was that like? How does this work? Does this make you happy? Are they jealous of each other?”
These are all valid questions and I try to remember them all as his rambling has come to a stop.
“Well?” He’s asking this as if he hasn’t been spewing rapid fire questions for a full minute.
“Well… no, I haven’t had sex with Jimin. He’s the newest guy to this situation. I honestly can’t explain to you what this is but yes, it does make me happy. No, we haven’t been using protection, and I don’t think they have sex with each other. There is no jealousy that I’ve seen thus far. I know this may all look strange but, please, just support me while I navigate this with them. This is new to us too, so I won’t always have the answers you’re seeking.”
“Honestly, I’m just shocked. You’ve been single for years, and suddenly you have three motherfuckers in your bed. You know I will support you in any way you need, but as your friend…a real friend and a therapist, I have to ask,” he pretends to switch his hats, “Do you think this is a trauma response? You’ve been through a lot over the past few years, with losing your mom, your sister moving to another country, and that fucker that was stalking you. Are you sure that you aren’t playing along with this to fill some type of void or because they make you feel safe? Do you feel obligated or coerced to participate in this?”
“Thank you for looking out for me, but I don’t think so. Mom has been gone and Jazz moved years ago and I’ve been fine. I do feel safer with them here but that’s not the reason I want them here, if that makes sense. There is this pull…like a magnetic force attracting me to them and vice versa. Those men up there make me feel complete and so comfortable as if I’ve known them forever. The connection was instantaneous and so fucking strong, I can’t explain it.”
“Hey,” he takes my hands into his, “as long as you’re happy and they are not taking advantage of you, I’m here for it! And you don’t have to explain shit, to me or anybody else. You are a grown woman who should have autonomy to do what you want with your life and with your body, and if that means stuffing every orifice with a different dick, so be it!”
We burst into laughter, slapping each other’s arms and hands and we cry real tears, belly laughing.
“You get on my nerves so fucking bad!” I’m only able to speak between our laughter and catching my breath. When we settle down, we hug before Grey pulls away, grabbing my cheeks.
“I love you, bitch, and I'm always here for you, no matter what. And if you ever need me to come whoop some ass, you let me know. You know I don’t play about you,” he seals his statement by showing me his balled up fist.
I uncurl his fist to show perfectly manicured nails, before jutting my lips to one side.
“And won’t bust a grape,” we say in unison which reactivates our laughing fit.
Grey adds, “But I will throw something or call the cops!”
“Awww…my hero,” I tease, wiping tears from my eyes.
A/N:
Thanks so much to @yoongiobsessed for beta reading this chapter! 💜
#joonslfttiddie#bangtanwhq#ambw#bts fanfction#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts#ambw smut#black original character#black protagonist#reincarnated lovers#reincarnation#reverse harem#haunted house#haunting#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#min yoongi#jung hoesok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungkook
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🔙 🍀😇
🔙 Tell us your earliest clear memory
Five years old, exactly. It is my birthday. I am being handed touys and one of them is a cash register with a red compartment, and red digits on white buttons. For some reason, this makes me really happy. I feel like I have real money, because inside are fake plastic notes that look really close (to my 5yo self) to the real thing. I smile really wide and begin to pretend to type big numbers. Someone wishes me happy birthday.
🍀Tell us a story where you got really lucky
but that's not really an answer.
Here's a more fun one. This happened like four? five? many years ago, when I didn't have a proper smartphone yet. And what I had was a Samsung brick that got the job done and stuff, but like half a week before this day, I dropped it in the toilet while taking a shit. You know how it is.
So I'm worried a little, because we managed to recover my SIM card, at least (I think), but that was that for my lovely brick (or so it seemed at the moment), and like. I might be a NEET, but I still need to be able to call my mom, you know?
But that's the setup. The actual lucky day is, like I said, a bit later, when we do our usual walk in the park nearby (it was like... late August or something, good time for that).
And then my mom says, "Oh, I think they had a phone throwing competition recently, but it's been some time, they probably all cleaned up."
And she jokes, "Maybe you should be on the lookout?" Almost as soon as she says that, I spot a phone on the ground. And it's like this close to getting smashed, and the back of the phone case is fuck knows where.
BUT WE PICK IT UP AND ITS WORKING. I ended up using this thing for real for like half a year! And then I finally got my first shitty smartphone.
😇Tell us a story where you did something good
I'm writing this ask rn! Isn't that good?
Okay, okay, I'll think of something.
...this is hard, actually...
Let's just say all the roleplay I do ever counts for this LMAO. And all the friends I streamed K0 for. And everything I get really passionate about. Whatever.
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@leverage-ot3 tagged me in this ask game! (thaaaaanks :D)
Star Sign(s): *meme voice* you guys got more than one star sign? i just know im a pisces lol
Favorite Holidays: I think probably thanksgiving
Last Meal: i had a frozen pizza a little bit ago. 'twas pretty good.
Current Favorite Musician: good ol' carly rae jepsen. what a queen.
Last Music Listened To: looking at spotify it was crj lol (specifically cut to the feeling) but i was listening to my 2023 wrapped playlist which is not made up of all carly rae jepsen, if you can believe lol. but she is there quite a bit!
Last Movie Watched: I watched Rye Lane with my roommate! I didn't get to finish it cuz i needed to go to bed since I had to get up early for work the next morning, but I'm gonna go back to it! it's very good :D
Last TV Show Watched: Fully sitting down and watching something? Our flag means death, I think?? I feel like I must have watched something since that ended but I can't think of anything. I did skip around a few scenes from specific leverage episodes for writing reasons, but that probably doesn't count lol
Last Book/Fic Finished: Officially the last actual book i read was the lies of lock lamora. Haven't read anything since because I quit the book club i was in (did you know you can just leave things? if it sucks hit da bricks) but that was a good book. last fic was how do we turn on the light which is a aziraphale/crowley fic by moonyinpisces on ao3. its super good (if you like go you should read it!!)
Last Book/Fic Abandoned: Ancillary Justice (also for that book club).
Currently Reading: I'm not currently reading any books but I am reading that aforementioned go fic!
Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Lol i googled if there was such a thing as a window opener and what that looked like. I wouldn't call that research but I don't have a better answer!
Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I think the time I got @faorism invested in my heartsong au and then they made a whole fic for it. faor is truly a treasure in the leverage fandom. also the response i got when writing as whole as we could be was overwhelmingly lovely <3
Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: uh. well. i kinda wish we could get the fandom we had for leverage back?? i understand why the people that left it did and totally support it, but i miss the community and the different corners of it. i think people obv still post about and create things for leverage but not to the extent that we had before. such is life though!
Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: i think i could probably give the same answer for this as the last question, honestly. in some ways its nice to be small though :) OH maybe the toby daye series?? idk if there is much of a fandom for it and i just dont know about it lol that is quite possible.
Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: good lord. come back and haunt me. im fucking trying out here dude! im trying so hard lol
ok i shall tag some people but if you see this and dont see yourself tagged and think "i wanna play too!" well consider yourself tagged, whether we are mutuals or not. and if you are tagged directly, no pressure at all <3
@cloysterbell @shinybulbasaur @faorism @miss-interpretations @applejuiz @majesticartax @romansmartini @wizardrights @imusthavebecomesomething
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ABOUT ME because hello there 🐞🦟🐛🪲🐜🪳🦋🪰🦗🐝
I am garden-bug and you can refer to me as such. I love bugs big and small but mostly big (unless I have a microscope handy which I literally don't guys I don't have a microscope). My favourite insects are praying mantids or ants and I have written too many essays that talk about ant symbolism.
I am relatively new to Tumblr.
I am a literature student and critical analysis is not my degree it is my lifestyle.
DNI categories and other info is in my bio.
I am multi fandom. I will list fandoms I engage with, my takes and my fics below:
Star Wars
OG Trilogy: Amazing incredible
Prequels: Flawed but culturally relevant
Sequels: 💀💀
The Mandalorian: Seasons 1 & 2 changed my life but none as much as season 3 which I was so appalled by that I spent the summer of 2023 rewriting
Ahsoka: 💀💀
Thrawn 1st 2 trilogies: Literally space Sherlock Holmes I love the Thrawn trilogies (haven't read the original yet I know shock horror but idt I'd cope)
Clone Wars: Very cool, Ahsoka my beloved, going to cause heartbreak and horror by saying that idc about the clones other than Rex so I have 'the clones' filtered out as a tag LMAOOO
Anything not mentioned I either haven't seen, abhorred, or forgot what happened in.
My other takes:
Star Wars is going down an unfortunate route where a lot of the previously established lore and messages are being undermined and misunderstood.
I do not like Dave Filoni's writing or his mando-verse or whatever he's calling it.
Ezra and Thrawn space adventures forever in our hearts 💔
Thrawn is an anti-villain. He’s not morally good but he isn’t evil either. Also people don't seem to be able to appreciate characters as storytelling mechanisms and instead take it personally when someone highlights a character's moral flaws.
Ships:
I wish I could ship Shin x Sabine but I've seen brick walls with more chemistry.
Thranto...
DINLUKE!!!
My Fics:
Mandalorian S3 (+ Ahsoka series rewrite):
Force-school crack fic:
One Piece
I am on WATER SEVEN! I love Franky with my whole life and Iceberg is a beautiful man. Started Dressrosa for Doflamingo and Law and Corazon and skipping through the eps because oh my god the pacing…
Ships
Zolu on the aroace spectrum my beloved 💞💞
Not been convinced by Zosan...
FROBIN!!
Lawlu
Oh my god dofuwani
Other takes:
I LOVE OPLA! It stole my heart. OPLA cast my beloved. So good. Amazing. Even my mum loved it.
Crocodad/Crocomom is real idc
The one piece is real
Death Note
I don't interact with this fandom much because my takes are shaped by my AU so I literally relate to nothing they say.
Ships:
Not a lawlight shipper. Light was mean and evil and L deserved better 11yr old me was distraught and my feelings have never changed.
L x my OC (that's better)
In my AU Near and Mello are raised as siblings so their ship kinda freaks me out.
Idc abt Matt I never even wrote him into my fic (rip).
Mello x Halle my beloved. I love when two bisexuals fall in love.
Other takes:
The manga is better.
The anime deserves a re-adaptation.
Near is my absolute favourite fictional character ever (genuinely do not know why huh) he is so annoying and I adore him.
Mello didn't die what L and my OC saved him.
My Fics:
I wrote this when I was 12 but it is the basis for my AU and deserves all the honorary mentions:
Jujutsu Kaisen
WHAT THE FUCK -
My fics:
Cosy one-shots basically:
Bungou Stray Dogs
Chaos shambled disarray that somehow I enjoy.
Pisses me off but it has its moments.
Ships:
Sokoku is my all time absolute favourite ship ever of all time.
My fics:
Dazai and Chuuya get hit by a tsunami oh no they have to face their tumultuous feelings for each other (spiral in all the mental-health ways) and accidentally adopt/rescue a small child:
Ninjago
JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AORUND AN D SHPIN -
I love Ninjago. Lloyd my beloved. Zane is me fr.
Ships:
Jaya
Zane/Pixal
Kai/Skylor
Llorumi is a NO Harumi is an irredeemable monster and you cannot convince me otherwise. My sweet Lloyd deserves better.
I don't ship any of the ninja with each other ESPECIALLY not with Lloyd the age thing is a mess.
Images used in the ninjago memes are from Pinterest and saved to this board under the ‘I’m gonna make memes’ section: https://pin.it/4rN3gIj
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Okay, obviously I have some body image issues. This is very clear to pretty much everyone who knows me. I have had them since I hit about 10 years old I think? That gives me 15 years of disliking the way I look, for one reason or another. I have tried a lot of things throughout that time to change my perception of myself. And currently, I feel like I am stuck in a weird place that I can't figure out how to escape.
I understand that there are studies now showing that dieting and working out don't actually work long term for most people. I know that getting into that mostly causes things like yo-yo dieting and circular weight gain/loss. I know that being fat is being shown to not actually be unhealthy in the ways it has often been shown as and perceived to be. I know that literally all the media everywhere is blasting me with idealized bodies that pretty much do not exist or only exist through extremely unsustainable/unhealthy means.
I have tried for so long to believe in and promote body neutrality or positivity for myself and other people. I constantly refuse to let myself think about what I see in the mirror or in pictures. I tell myself to get exercise for the physical and mental health benefits, not for my physical appearance. I try to view my body for what it can do and not how it looks. I tell myself to live the life I want to live now, rather than waiting to live it till I have the body I imagine living that life. Without exaggeration, I am fairly certain I think about these things every single day.
And none of it is working.
I actually feel I dislike my appearance now more than I did even a year ago. I feel like I am constantly noticing things about my body that I never did before or new changes to my body, and I am deeply uncomfortable with them. And I want to do something about it, and clearly simply changing my mentality isn't doing anything. I want to diet and exercise. But I also know it likely won't be a permanent change. I am concerned that I would give myself an eating disorder. And I'm also concerned that I would be feeding into diet/exercise culture. I am worried about hurting the people around me who are also fat. I am anxious about the fact that I am not actually that large so I don't want to talk about it with other people because I know it will make people who are larger than I am feel terrible. I don't want to make other people who are gaining weight feel bad for that. But, I hate the way I look.
This is not sustainable. At some point something will break and I think it might end up being my brain. I am worried about how that would end up. The things I do for my brain and my body shouldn't be about how it might affect other people, it should be for me. But I don't want to be bad for the things I do. I want and have wanted for so long to look like a powerbuilder/warrior/dwarf/strongman lifter/crossfit athlete/etc. I want to be big. I want to be visibly strong and powerful. And I am absolutely not. And I know I struggle with commitment and discipline and all of that, but I also know I struggle a lot with how this desire appears to other people.
Really, I think what this is all coming down to is other people's opinions. I dislike the way I look and am told that's bad. I want to change the way I look and I'm told that's bad. I do nothing and get told that's bad. I have to want these things for the right reason, in the right way, and have to talk about it right all the time. And I just can't. I don't like the way I look and I wish I looked like a brick shithouse and everyone else can fucking suck it.
#please if you know me irl don't read this and then tell me nice things about the way i look#i appreciate that you want to make me feel better but that's not what i'm looking for with this#i am mostly just trying to work out how i feel and what i want to do about it#and what my exact thoughts are about all of it#for example until writing that out i didn't even realize a big part of the circles i'm running in#are entirely about what other people think or how other people might perceive my actions#i am not telling other people to work out#i am not forcing people to go the gym with me#i actively don't want to make other people feel bad or do anything to disparage the choices they make#about their bodies#i do not want to starve myself#i don't want extreme 6 pack abs like people get from being dehydrated for movies#the things i want aren't unhealthy or unachievable (i don't think anyway)#i don't want them just because society thinks being fat is bad#it has a lot more with wanting to be strong and have muscles and not feel soft#than it does the number on the scale or any stretch marks or what size pants i wear#sure i watch superhero movies and wish i looked like them. but i am also aware i'm not fucking male#and my hip bones won't ever be that shape no matter how much i work out#so i would like to think that as a reasonably intelligent 25 year old i can figure out how i want to look#and not have it entirely be just because society told me to look like that#and that wanting these things doesn't make me some evil brainwashed asshole#i don't know that all of this is making sense anymore or actually making point i am trying to make. i'm tired#anyway. to wrap up. fuck other people. i don't have to listen to shit#and if i want to do push-ups and eat lots of protein and get hugeass biceps you can't stop me#and i'm not evil for not wanting my belly button to look like a circle and not a squished frown
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Always interesting to see somebody who doesn't really ship the reds to be honest. I don't not ship them but I've always found them to be by far the least interesting out of the color code ships, which sucks especially since so many of the bigger fics tend to mainly focus on them and leave the blues and greens as secondary relationships. I've always adored the greens (especially when they're mentally fucked up) for their chaotic, emotional, loyal, and devastating depictions. I've always adored how sweet the blues are and how emotionally intense they can be (although I do wish we got more angst from them), by far the most ignored of the color codes tragically. The reds don't really give me much, I don't find much of their depictions to be interesting and a lot of them to be outright abusive. There are a few red fics that i do absolutely eat up when they're portrayed as complex, tragic and devastating (hey I think there's a theme developing here regarding what I like to see out of ship fic lol... I love me some heartbreaking puff/ruff content let me see those boys and girls lose it) but more often than not they're just shown as like, annoyingly argumentative with Brick having the emotional range of a... dare I say it... brick.
I don't really ship outside of color code because I'm a bastard who's stuck in my ways who never multiships in fandom unless I headcanon characters as polyam (and also I'm even less interested in other ships involving them outside of Blossom/Princess which I think can be fascinating.) But yeah, Reds are the most boring and it sucks that they're usually the center of fics.
I’m a rarity!
I’ve hashed out why i don’t ship them in a lot of my previous asks so I won’t bore people with it again lol, but they all echo what you say. I can’t say I’ve read a lot of remarkable red fics, but there was this one I read a long time ago (sorry I can’t remember the title anymore) where Brick caught Blossom sneaking into his room and stealing his hat (she was dared), they make eye contact, and then she gets away. And there’s always been something about that particular scene that stuck with me—not so much the romance of it, but more of how that *moment*, where they realize “oh, they’re a person just like me,” would go between them. and in my head, what happens afterwards is never romantic. They just find some solace/understanding with each other.
Like enemies to divorced couple that are still friends
I’ve got big opinions on the blues and greens too. They can’t escape my judgment. Like, personally, I dont like the blues if they’re sweet and the greens if they’re casually abusive (for lack of a better phrase) lmao. It just doesn’t do their characters justice!
At the end of the day, though, the heart wants what the heart wants, so if the reds are what do it for ya then who am I to judge!
#anon ask#I know there’s some or was some hardcore red shippers#but our circles don’t intersect much 😂#so sometimes I’m surprised there are ppl who still ship the reds until one of my followers mention it#my b friends
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