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brightnote · 9 months

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Marvel is playing a fast paced no risk no reward game and the characters and story are really paying for it

Yes yes an old complaint that Marvel fails its female characters and instead of fixing it they just fall into the same old tropes. But Secret Invasion failed Nick Fury, Rhodey, Talos, and Gravik too! This was a very very very good cast and they all did a great job with what they had but the stories are so bad, they are nonsensical, not well developed, filled with plot holes. In fact the only person who made it out of this show were the new characters G’iah and Sonya, and so far G’iah is pretty Mary Sue which is another Marvel problem!

This is a long one..

Black Widow is such a good example of this. Marvel never wanted to make a Black Widow movie. They did it for fan service and as an easier way to introduce Florence Pugh’s character, it was not in anyway to provide Natasha with a background, history, story, or development and it was total rushed nonsense. That movie was BAD. I rank it slightly above Quantumania. Natasha and Maria were in the MCU in 2012 to be there to be beautiful women around men (the bad ass normal (hot woman) trope). Also, the idea they had to kill Natasha off because she ~could never have a family!~ as if childless women don’t exist happily is pretty rough or because she could never deal with the mental stress of her old life…yet Hawkeye, Fury, all these male killers can adjust to life just fine, except for Gravik who apparently can’t get over killing so he kills Talos and Maria and all those other skrulls and people? Uhhh ok? Natasha gets a sad cold lonely death—at least a choice by her, a sacrifice to save everyone so Clint can go home to his wife and kids—after she spent five years doing Fury’s work because he died in the snap. Maria gets a sad cold lonely CRUEL death with nothing wrapped up and for no point.

So, Marvel then decides they want to make a Nick Fury project and to be honest I don’t feel like many people were asking or pushing for this… but sure let’s give a look into his life for some reason, cause he’s a man and he deserves it! It’s true that Fury also doesn’t have very much development but some his mystery and intrigue actually makes Fury cool. Like he’s a private person, he has to be because of his job. What we learn about him... is that all of his success was from Skrulls and women propping him up. So Marvel removes Talos and Maria from the story (but still makes sure Talos gets a family and a full on fucking funeral while Maria gets a body transfer and some random lady pathetically guilting Fury which didn’t even work) Marvel knows no one is gonna watch that shit if they find out it’s a short run for Hill and Talos and Ross and advertises this show as Fury + Friends spy thriller boots on the ground!! NO SUPERS!! What is it instead? A barely comprehensible loose outline where no one has ANY development at all there is no spy thriller storyline and there are ALIENS AND SUPERS THE ALIENS ARE THE SUPERS!! The the Super Aliens just kill the Fury Friends the regular way with a gun and a stab…. Then Fury who insists he is one step ahead and there’s a chess theme all around has so many awkward flubbed supposed to be cool lines and they make no sense.

Let’s look at them for a minute:

“Even when I’m out I’m in!” Yeah… he’s so IN that he couldn’t spot a totally obvious trap that gets his No. 1 ally killed right off the bat? Yeah welcome back to earth… he’s so in he only prepared his team FOR A BOMBING with infrared glasses, A+ game.

“Nobody calls me Nick” - Except the long history of many people calling him Nick, I don’t even know why this was a tell and this whole scene was so weird why would a skrull care about the human’s son sure idk makes sense……and also Talos is his close friend so if the allowance is that only his close friends can call him Nick, it wouldn’t be weird if Talos did…… …..

“No one can defend the world like I can” - says a man who can’t even defend his team from a knife and a gun…! This whole show just makes Fury look really really dumb and really really bad at his job and then he didn’t even do it he just left after assisting in creating even more chaos.

Is the point of this show that Fury is a delusional narcissist who never should have come back from SABER and probably maybe should have never been the head of SHIELD? So far this is my take away. What if this whole show is a set up for a Fury exit? That would make the most sense because after this circus you don’t got it buddy. No one really wanted a Nick Fury solo project. In fact, killing off Nick Fury’s allies who have propped him up for years so he can take all the credit for the win is very telling about the problems that exist in Marvel story telling. It really is too bad because this could have been a great set up for a Fury exit and if they just killed off Maria so she wouldn’t replace him in the next movies I think that’s unbelievable, the woman could have retired and gone to the real Tahiti, she doesn’t have to work forever? I think it’s fine if Monica takes over and with Maria gone she’s who I hope does but I always thought it was great to have a non super be the one doing it. Also Maria has to die to not get a promotion? We don’t even know where or what she is working on or who for, maybe she has different ambitions now, geeze Marvel.

I think a more fun plot for Secret Invasion is that Talos and Maria figure this shit out and get Nick Fury into gear—and they do it alive! I mean if they want to do this sad boi act, I think that’s fine but I he can’t just go from beach boy happy to suddenly so sad and pathetic in one year? It’s a much more interesting story to have the people around him get him together after he spent all his life getting them together!! People can be separated from their allies without dying?? And killing characters to show us THIS SHOW IS SERIOUS it’s just kinda dumb it’s already serious there’s one million shape shifting skulls and a skrull army trying to take over earth with super DNA and eradicate all people in a nuclear holocaust... but not enough stakes! If you wanted more stakes maybe don’t show off that Fury is gonna be in the Marvels before his show comes out, yeah? We know it’s fake we get that some people will die but to kill them in these dumb ways that does nothing for the story is so god damn stupid. Having Rhodey have been a skrull since Civil War? THAT IS FUCKED UP. No way. That totally ruins such great moments with him. This is not thought out. I am still wondering why Cobie said she had a lot of scenes with Don and I hope it is for something somewhere… but now I just don’t know.

The writing in Secret Invasion is bad. The cuts and edits are also bad. The plot twists aren’t really twists at all. In fact, there is not a single plot twist that wasn’t obvious from the get go. This whole show could have been a 5 minute clip at the start of the Marvels…people learn about the skulls and that they had kidnapped people and were pretending to be others, all chaos breaks loose on earth.

Plot gaps I am still mad about that we will never find answers on:

Why are Ross and Hill in Moscow? Was Maria tracking Ross and intercepted his call? That could have been SO COOL. But nothing on that front. Were they working together, what were they doing? Why would Ross call Maria for extraction if he had the top secret Gravik plans unless he wanted Maria to see them or know of them? What exactly is Maria’s job now and how can she just drop it all to go help Nick Fury? Was she still working for Fury this whole time? How if he keeps ignoring her? WHEN ROSS DIED AND CHANGED INTO AN ALIEN DID THEY JUST LEAVE HIM THERE? MARIA AND FURY DIDN’T TELL ANYONE, DIDN’T SOMEONE NOTICE THAT ROSS WAS MISSING????

Why would Hill contact Nick for Talos if Talos can contact Nick? Why would Hill contact Nick and tell him to come back if she was going to tell him to sit this one out? Why would Nick, a man who isn’t supposed to be on earth and that people are looking for, go out to a bar with Maria? Why and how was Gravik at the bar before Nick?

Why do Nick, Maria, and Talos have infrared glasses but not protective vests? Where did Maria’s glasses go? When Maria was looking at Gravik as Nick wouldn’t she have noticed he raised his gun up to shoot her? She was literally looking directly at him. If she saw Nick with a gun out at a bombing she wouldn’t take hers out too? Why would Gravik shoot Maria in the stomach and not like the heart like he shot G’iah? Did Gravik and Skrull Rhodey decide to shoot Maria from the start at the bombing or did Gravik just do it by chance? If the whole plan was to use her death as leverage against Fury why wasn’t it ACTUALLY leveraged against Fury? Why did this not get wrapped up. When did Maria, Talos, and Fury lose all sense of reality where they think they are invincible against bombs?? Like how was this the plan HOW WAS THIS THE REAL PLAN? Most importantly, why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Why was Maria not wearing a vest? Not like a gay vest, like a protective vest?

Why would Maria notice G’iah at all and what is the purpose of their fight in the tunnel other than to give Maria a scratch on her nose so no one can think it wasn’t a different Maria that died? Like that was it? How does Maria lose a fight to G’iah??? Why does G’iah just change sides and why does Talos and Nick believe G’iah changed sides just like that. After it was a set up, why do they still trust and believe her? If Gravik is broken from all the killing he’s done for Fury why did he kill Maria and Talos?

Why did Nick only go to the body transfer and not her actual funeral, why didn’t he go to Talos’ funeral? I am sorry but for Maria that is not fucking funeral. It was literally just the transport of her body and why did they bring Maria’s mom out to that?? Does Maria have two moms? And Why did Nick only talk to one of them? Why did the cast Maria’s mom to guilt Nick into getting his shit together when still hasn’t even gotten his shit together and just goes home to his wife and is all happy? The only thing I learned from this show is that Nick Fury fucking sucks now, like yikes? His mental crisis comes at the expense of many innocent people and he does little to show gratitude or care for others. I get it’s Nick’s story but why bring Maria back to pick him up and then just die and serve no purpose to the story?

WHERE WAS MARIA IN FAR FROM HOME? Was she on a mental health break or does only Nick Fury get to do that? Why wasn’t Nick thanking Maria for taking care of shit while he was up in space? Instead he was kinda of rude to her a few times — but I guess this is what we learned about Nick is that everyone else props him up and he thankless about it? He makes a huge fucking mess again and then goes back up to space? Couldn’t this whole skrull reveal be where SECRET INVASION STARTS AND NOT WHERE IT ENDS? Idk why they made this show, except to make a nice pay day to Cobie? It’s really too bad because Marvel should have taken the opportunity to usher Maria in as a new lead for when Fury retires, people know her, Cobie has a huge following, and people like her and it would have been such a great way to tie in the old phase one people with the new phase 5 people. G’iah taking over for Fury would be very stupid, the whole point of Fury / Maria / Coulson is that they are bad ass normals. G’iah taking over would be dumb and no one is going to know who she is since she’s not going to be tied into the Marvels, which makes NO SENSE? Sigh. I guess Maria will never get her moment. RIP.

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sunshinelore · 10 months

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ok here are my very scrambled thoughts (remember this is just silly theorizing based on the lore taylor has given us)

karlie = betty

taylor = james

maybe liz or zoë or someone else = Augustine

in my personal opinion, it’s very apparent in taylors songs that the love of her life was karlie, and in my own interpretation, taylor messed up and karlie left her.

“i lost you, the one i was dancing with”

“when a good (wo)man hurts you, and you know, you hurt [her] too”

“I was dancing when the music stopped”

all of betty taylor apologizes, proving she’s the one who messed up

“I can go anywhere I want just not home”

“I’ll be getting over you my whole”

and more and more and more and more

and as we’ve seen taylor cant stop with the kaylor references on tour, fashion, lyrics, etc. if she had ended things I don’t think she’d be as hung up as she is. I know she has a hard time getting over things/people, but she really is in deep for karlie. Here is my theory I just came up with 5 minutes ago but in my opinion makes sense. disclaimer: im not an lsk i don’t really believe they are in contact but no shame to lsks! I love y’all and again nobody knows what the truth is but them so all love to everybody and I accept all theories🫶

here’s how I think things went

kaylor is dating and they plan their big coming out. circa 2019 lover era. I think she planned the coming out, her and karlie were excited (nervous, but ready to be free) and ready to spent the rest of their lives together (not in a marriedlor way, not yet. I think taylor wanted that regardless, but karlie only wanted it if they came out maybe.) i think karlie wanted a family/kids but clearly they couldn’t have that unless they came out.

“Give you my wild, give you a child.”

I don’t think her and karlie were broken up when she was writing lover. The only song that I think really hints at that is dbatc which I just think Taylor got inspired like I don’t think it was based on current feelings.

maybe taylor got scared or the masters heist stopped it, idk, but coming out fails. I personally believe that taylor got scared because we know how important being liked is to her (I don’t wanna sound too invasive or parasocial 😭) but the sudden switch from colorful to black, the gay pride buildup just for nothing, and miss americana being a…political documentary.

Going from this

To this

We could see how anxious she was from The Archer

“I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke, and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you”

“Combat, I’m ready for combat”

ALL of evermore (the song). I think that song is about the failed coming out 100%

“I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, tryna find the one where I went wrong”

“I rewind that tape but all it does is pause, on the very moment all was lost”

The whole bridge is so failed coming out coded

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you (the coming out) In the cracks of light I dreamed of you (the coming out) to be certain we'll be tall again (that she’ll get back up) It was real enough (it was gonna happen, it wasn’t just an idea) To get me through (the knowledge that she would one day come out was enough) But I swear You were there. (Maybe she’s talking to karlie, maybe she’s talking to fans, maybe she’s re assuring herself that it was a plan and she didn’t make it up or something)

I think maybe after that taylor fell into a dark spot. I’m trying really hard not to be weird and invasive but based on songs, her graduation speech, and Taylor always having lots of drinks at any gathering, I think she might’ve become too fond of alcohol? I wouldn’t say this if This Is Me Trying didnt exist. And also:

“I’m fine with my spite, and my tears and my beers and my candles”

“I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone”

Again, really don’t wanna get too invasive but I think she might’ve cheated on karlie, as maybe an act if self sabotage, a common theme in her music.

“Why'd I have to break what I love so much?It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say Hey It's all me in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant Sorry that I hurt you”

“I thought you were leading me on I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street Before you even knew I was gone”

“I broke his heart 'cause he was nice He was sunshine, I was midnight rain He wanted it comfortable I wanted that pain”

All themes of self sabotage, so maybe she cheated on karlie.

or the failed plan drove a wedge between them, and that’s when Taylor cheated. I think that’s where the folklore triangle comes from. I think karlie broke up with her after finding out. And then we get folklore and evermore

anyway that’s just my own thoughts lmk urs!

#gaylor #gaylor swift #karlie kloss #kaylor #lesbian #lgbetty #sapphic #the eras tour #taylor swift #swifties #wlw #swiftie #lgbtq #gay

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castallurspells · 1 year

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Ok I cannot believe I’m about to post this because I dislike Brendon Urie just as much as the next person but here we go: Let’s not make up reasons to hate Brendon because it’s pointless and dumb.

I know we don’t like him. And there are valid reasons for not liking him. But making up things/assuming things and presenting them as fact just to slander him is not the way to go because it detracts from why you ACTUALLY should not support him.

I’ve seen people asking “What happened with Panic! at the Disco??? Why do we hate Brendon Urie???” and like a good chunk of the replies are “He sexually harassed several fans.” Which is untrue, as many (if not all) of the allegations against him are impossible to have happened in the first place. He has been, however, an enabler for all kinds of mistreatment of band members (Dallon + his family) and Zack Hall, who HAS sexually harassed fans.

I’ve also seen claims being thrown around that Spencer/Jon/Ryan hate him because he ‘stole their music. They do not. They have stated multiple times, whether outright or not, that bygones are bygones and that they don’t resent him for continuing the band.* (In fact, Spencer works for FBR and Jon is openly nostalgic about his time in Panic!). HOWEVER, it is a valid opinion that Brendon should not have profited off of the Panic! name for as long as he did. (which I agree with) It’s just not good to throw around claims that the other former members also think so just because you hate Brendon, because they are still. People. *I know that one interview exists. Ryan and Jon have both later changed their opinions. My point overall is to not speculate too much on their relationship/thoughts on Brendon (this goes for Dallon as well) because it’s a little bit weird and invasive to twist their words to fit the ‘Brendon is an undeniably horrible person and everyone hates him’ narrative

TL;DR: Brendon is a bad person but let’s stop throwing around unsubstantiated claims about him and other people who were close to him.

#brendon urie #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #ryan ross #jon walker #spencer smith #dallon weekes

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thelordofgifs · 11 months

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hmm ok it’s come to my attention that I should probably give you all a crash course in who Eldacar actually WAS. buckle up! this is my favourite story from the LoTR appendices.

So! The year is Third Age 1250. Rómendacil of Gondor is the regent for his uncle (and later also for his father) the king, who is an indolent and altogether useless guy. Rómendacil’s main concern is the land of Rhovanion, to the North of Gondor, where he has recently fought off an invasion of Easterlings with the help of this guy Vidugavia who now calls himself the King of Rhovanion and rules the people known as the Northmen. Cool cool cool, thinks Rómendacil, who obviously has a lot on his plate with his useless uncle whose country he’s running. So he sends his son Valacar north as an ambassador to Rhovanion, to serve in their army, learn their culture and all-around strengthen the alliance.

Valacar misunderstands the assignment and falls in love with Vidugavia’s daughter, Vidumavi.

Now the Northmen are all very good as allies, but this simply won’t do! After all, Valacar is a high-blooded Númenorean, with a long long lifespan and all the other gifts that come with being one of the Men of the West, and Vidumavi, although fair and noble, is just of lesser race. The people of Gondor are not impressed. (The people of Gondor are racist.) And Valacar has even had a son with Vidumavi! His name is Vinitharya in the language of the Northmen, but when Valacar brings his little family back to Osgiliath (then Gondor’s capital city) five years later, he gives his son the Quenya name Eldacar instead. If he was hoping that would quell the mutterings, it doesn’t. The racists of Gondor are not pleased that the heir to the throne is of “lesser race” and complain a lot that he won’t live as long as his father.

A lot of time passes. Rómendacil becomes King and dies, Vidumavi dies (at a very advanced age), Valacar becomes King and eventually dies. Eldacar becomes King aged 177 and the unrest almost immediately breaks out into full-scale rebellion and the civil war called the Kin-strife – especially in the coastal south of Gondor, and the harbour cities of Umbar and Pelargir.

Eventually Eldacar’s second cousin Castamir, who is the Captain of Ships of Gondor and also The Worst, decides to seize the throne from Eldacar, an event known as the Usurpation of Castamir. He besieges Eldacar in Osgiliath and sacks the city, leading to (among other things) the destruction of the great hall called the Dome of Stars and the loss in the River Anduin of the palantír of Osgiliath, which was the greatest of the seven seeing-stones brought by Elendil from Númenor. Thanks, Castamir! Anyway Eldacar fights valiantly (Eldacar is very valiant. the texts says so explicitly I’m not just saying this because he’s my blorbo) but Castamir manages to force him out of Osgiliath and claim the throne for himself. Eldacar flees north to Rhovanion, but Castamir has captured Eldacar’s eldest son Ornendil and cruelly puts him to death which is :( really sad :(

Anyway turns out that backfires on Castamir because the people of Gondor quickly realise what we already know, i.e. that Castamir is The Worst. They aren’t fans of the unnecessarily brutal sack of Osgiliath and the execution of poor Ornendil. Castamir is obsessed with ships and fleets and whatnot and does a generally poor job of ruling. Also he wants to move the seat of the King from Osgiliath to Pelargir, a proposal nobody in the north of Gondor likes.

Ten years later! Our bestest boy Eldacar has not been idle. He puts together an alliance with his mother’s kinsfolk in Rhovanion and also the people in the north of Gondor who hate Castamir, marches back to Gondor with a huge army, has a giant battle, and personally kills Castamir to avenge his son which is so fucking cool.

Anyway the tone of the narrative in the appendices then takes a slightly weird turn by noting that much of the “best blood” of Gondor was lost in that battle and had to be “replenished” with “lesser Men” from Rhovanion to which I say: good. They sound like they had their heads screwed on more tightly than the idiots always mooning over Númenor and Númenor’s gifts and Númenor’s glory like. your place DROWNED over a THOUSAND YEARS AGO. get over yourselves. Anyway.

The Kin-strife has huge consequences for the history of Gondor as a whole – Castamir’s sons survived and established a lordship of their own at Umbar, which remained at intermittent war with Gondor literally until the time of Aragorn 1500 years later. But Eldacar’s story has a happy-ish ending! He lived to be 235, proving that all the racists did not in fact have any idea what they were talking about. As you’d expect, for racists. Eventually he was succeeded as King by his younger son, Aldamir.

The end! Go and have a read of the LoTR appendices seriously. They’re imo a lot more accessible than the silm in writing style, and really really interesting! And for the love of everything holy vote Eldacar on June 1st please and thank you :)

#lotr #meta #my meta #eldacar #might as well also tag this #otb propaganda #anyway hope that was a comprehensive history lesson for the uninformed! my boy is so important actually #drop me an ask if anything was unclear I genuinely love kinstrife discussions

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ask-serendipity-sky · 6 months

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Did you saw that video ? Not him literally fooling Jimin into believing he's busy af while having time to hangout with his freinds every other day. I didn't knew you will be with your friends every night when MS is approaching instead of being with your so called partner. Remember those times when they used to spend time together every time in their hotel rooms ? Or JK choosing to spend time with Jimin over and over again ? Yeah.. me too..but it's old stories, now JK just want to be as away as possible from JM. Even in latest live he was trying to ran off from Jimin lol. Atp, his friends >>>>>>>Jimin for him. He's out there enjoying with his friends in restaurants while leaving a poor Jimin alone at his home every night and you call it a 'relationship' if your bf act like this irl, you will be very concerned isn't it ?

Also I noted there was a girl sitting right next to him in that video but when she saw cam she walked away seeing we won't see lol. Funny how there was no woman near Jeahyun who was so polite and sounded gentle man in video but always near JK whenever some leaked content is out 👀👀👀

THIS IS THE ONLY ASK I WILL ANSWER ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THEN ILL END UP BLOCKING ALL OF YOU.

And I'm a bad mood so you all are pressing buttons.

Ok, you dont trust Jk. Got it. You think you know what he does every single second of every day so he can't possibly ever see Jimin. You think they never see each other. Jk wants to be as far away from Jimin as possible. Jk spends all his time with his friends.

Did Jk tell you this? Did Jimin tell you this?

How do you know what their schedule looks like?

Seriously, how?

Don't you realize how delusional YOU sound?

Do you think Jimin is a fool? Like is Jk saying he wants to meet up and he is lying publicly and leaves Jimin defenseless all dressed up waiting for Jk and Jk never arrives? So he's being played with?

What k-drama are you watching?

We would see jikook on screen before because the cameras were all up in their space. Now they finally get to breathe without all that and nonshippers are more insecure about jikook than shippers because nonshippers are not getting their content.

Some weird fan tried to set Jk up.

Have you seen the complete video? Look for it..or not? Both girls arrive and make them all uncomfortable. The girl wasn't there with Jk, Eunwoo (who she was actually closer to), or the other guy. They invaded their privacy.

If it wasn't for that invasive girl, you wouldn't have known Jk was eating with his friends...which is a normal thing to do even in a relationship.

Do you want Jimin's privacy invaded that much too? Just so you get jikook crumbs?

It's obvious you don't care about Jimin or Jk so making dramatic stories out of thin air and creating drama between jikook that doesn't exist is a good way to pass time.

If you don't believe they are together, that's fine! Leave the people that do alone.

How many times do I have to say this?

Hope that helps.

IF ANYONE COMES AND SAYS THINGS THAT DONT MAKE SENSE LIKE THESE, YOU WILL GET BLOCKED.

YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THEY DO 24/7. STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC AND ACTING LIKE YOU DO.

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mangoshorthand · 10 months

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Thing of the Past- [Five Hargreeves x F Reader]. Ch3 (Hard Feelings Part 4)

SUMMARY: You can't avoid it any longer: Five has to meet your parents. It goes more wrong than you could possibly imagine, spiralling to bring up secrets he'd rather stay buried.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠️ Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine - Chapter Ten - Chapter Eleven/Epilogue

A best man, a bachelor party and a game of 'Never Have I Ever'

It's weddin' time, motherfuckers.

⚠️Please heed content warning⚠️

Chapter Three: Gomez

Five chooses Luther as his best man. Yeah, he’s probably going to cry all through his speech, but it means the most to the big lug.

“Five…buddy. You don’t know how much this means!”

“Oh, I think I do. That’s the problem.”

Luther pulls Five into a bone-crushing hug which Five allows for a couple of seconds before pulling away.

“I’m going to be the best best man! I gotta tell Sloane!”

“Wait!” says Five, authoritatively, holding up a finger.

Luther turns to him, eyes alight like a happy golden retriever.

“You gotta run your speech past Diego and Viktor. And no crying, ok?”

“Sure.” Luther takes a deep breath and puts on his best expression of serious stoicism befitting 'Number One'.

But then he ruins the effect with an eager whisper:

“I’m so excited!”

You chose three bridesmaids, (although you hadn’t singled out a Maid of Honor): Your oldest friend Ellie, Lydia (the PhD chemist Five could have consulted during the JUICED incident) and Lila.

Five had met Ellie before and eventually liked her. She had been somewhat suspicious of him at first (He gave her weird vibes: it was something about you starting dating him after one home invasion and then before another that left you in the hospital for weeks) but he grew on her when she saw how naturally you fitted together, particularly after the birth of your daughter.

Various scheduling conflicts had made it impossible for him to meet Lydia before your shared bachelorx party. By coincidence, she had been a huge childhood fan of the Umbrella Academy comic books so was star struck on meeting them all. You had gently persuaded Five into showing her a blink and it made her look as if all her dreams came true. The little ego stroke had pleased him more than he cared to admit.

She looks around the room, sitting with you at the bar while Five laughs with his brothers. Several Mary Pickfords have got her to a place where she's fangirling without shame:

“I can’t believe you’re marrying NUMBER FIVE! Mom told me I had the biggest crush on him when I was a kid. Apparently I cried for a week when he disappeared."

You laugh, “Trust me, smell his sleep-farts and you start to wish he’d disappear again.”

She's not listening, too eager in looking around the bar:

“Is that Spaceboy?”

“Yep.”

“Cool! And that’s Diego with him? Kraken?”

You nod.

“So that must be… Séance?”

“Yup: Klaus. You’ll like him.”

“I can’t believe this!”

Then her eyes fall questioningly on Viktor.

“That’s Number Seven. Viktor.”

“There was a Number Seven?”

“Yeah. Long story.”

Five catches your eye, winks and approaches- although Lydia can’t see him.

“So where’s The Rumor?”

Five breaks in with a rueful sigh.

“Let’s just say she 'rumored' her way out of family gatherings.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.” Lydia looks embarrassed.

“Don’t sweat it."

And then Five remembers something. It's something he tried to make better, but still weighs on him. He wishes he could take the advice he once gave to Viktor and not try to do the equations when it came to the exchange rate of human life but, unfortunately, equations are what Five was made to do. When he's sure you're absorbed in conversation with Ellie, he gestures Lydia to the side with a small jerk of the head.

"You're at Columbia, right?"

"I was. I work in toxicology now."

"Did you know a Sarah McDowell? She would have been a PhD in your department."

"Yeah- not well, but we had the same supervisor."

He tries to sound casual,

"Is she...doing ok?"

Lydia rocks her head from side to side, considering.

"I know she had to take some time off. How do you know her?"

Five shifts uncomfortably. He thinks he has an inkling why Sarah would have needed to take the time off. It would be kind of hard to concentrate in a lab where you'd been tied down and held for eight hours.

"We crossed paths once. I liked her."

"I liked her too. She's carrying on studying. I think she's applying for post doc and then wants to go into the department herself."

"Good for her."

To change the subject, Five looks back up at Lydia with a grin.

"Hey, buy me another drink and I'll get Luther to lift you....and if you get me drunk enough, I'll think about blinking you to the next bar."

She laughs and turns to the bartender to order him a cocktail.

He'll have to see if his dad’s money can pull any more strings for Sarah. Make sure she gets the postdoc and opportunities for teaching experience. He can't erase what he did but, if he can anonymously make her life a little easier, he can stop his conscience pricking. He tears himself from the slight brood to watch you laughing with Ellie and Lila. His mouth twitches upwards in automatic empathy. All of this is your fault, really. He would never have let the fate of one PhD student bother him before he met you.

Soon, it’s the night before the wedding. You’re having the whole wedding in the hotel, so it makes sense to get ready and spend your wedding night there too. You sit in the bridal suite with your bridesmaids and Klaus, excitement squirming in your stomach. Five, in a slightly bizarre nod to tradition, insisted you spend the night before the wedding apart, citing the bad luck you’ll surely bring upon your marriage if you don't.

You’re playing a childish drinking game: ‘never have I ever’. As the bride, you are of course being ruthlessly victimized by everyone. Klaus has already tacitly revealed your threesome with the two versions of Five, making Lila look like the cat that got the cream. You’re getting steadily drunker and now it’s Lydia’s turn:

“Never have I ever…snuck into a frat house, cut my knee on barbed wire and STILL managed to steal their refrigerator.”

You sigh and take a swig of your Merlot.

“This isn’t fair.”

“Ooh my go, my go!” says Klaus, “Never have I ever… had sex in my dad’s office.”

You and Lila both drink and then catch each other’s eye.

“On the chair?” she winks,

“Nah, on the desk,” you reply.

“It’s what Dad would have wanted,” says Klaus with solemnity as you and Lila exchange a high-five.

Ellie doesn’t take wine too well.

“Ugh…I don’t know.” She waves away the burden of coming up with a good idea with a floppy hand, “Never has Five ever seen me naked.”

You, Klaus and Lila take a drink.

Ellie and Lydia laugh at the unexpected ubiquity of this experience.

“We used to shower together.” says Klaus, by way of an explanation that raises more questions than it answers to the uninitiated.

You’re looking at Lila, concerned and confused. She snorts at your expression:

“Don’t you worry, darling, I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. Unlike some people, I’m not into geriatric jailbait.”

“Hey!” you chide, “his body's twenty-two and his mind's...never mind. Anyway, I'll take geriatric jailbait over the guy who plays with knives and thinks Africa’s a country.”

Lila concedes this but you continue to look at her expectantly. She sighs and gives an explanation.

“Five walked in on me in the bath and tried to strangle me with a towel.”

She and Klaus laugh while Lydia and Ellie look at you in shock.

“Superhero stuff.” you try to explain, starting to smile now yourself.

“Oh yeah, don’t worry,” Lila keeps laughing, “I gave as good as I got. And I got my revenge too: hooked him up to the mains and electrocuted the puny fucker,” she laughs madly and then sighs reminiscently, “Ahhh…I miss trying to kill him.”

Lydia and Ellie still look horrified.

“Guys, you’re scaring my friends.”

“Sorry.” says Lila, her mad grin widening, “All the apocalypse-dodging and time travel stuff gives you a warped perspective.”

“I swear it’s not as weird as it sounds,” you say, trying to reassure them.

Klaus looks at them and mouths, ‘It’s pretty weird.’

There’s a knock at the door and Klaus opens the door to room service.

“This was sent compliments of the groom,” says the concierge.

It’s a bottle of wine and a note.

You look down at the bottle. It’s the Bordeaux he chose for you to drink on your first date.

Morning. He’s nervous…even with his brothers around him, already dressed in their groomsmen attire, he’s nervous. He can stroll into battle without turning a hair…but apparently getting married pushes his courage to the limit.

“How do I look?”

Diego considers.

“A little like Gomez Addams.”

Five looks at himself critically in the mirror, pulling at the sleeves and straightening the boutonniere.

“I wouldn’t expect you to recognize classic style, Diego.”

The suit is a navy three-piece, single-breasted jacket covering a subtly patterned waistcoat. The matching cravat is tied in traditional formal style and secured with a pearl-topped pin. The tailor had persuaded him into the cravat, but now Five isn’t so sure. Is Diego right: is it too much?

Luther puts his hands on Five’s shoulders and meets his eyes in the mirror. There are tears swimming in Luther's.

“You look…really great.”

“Pull yourself together.”

“Sorry buddy.” He wipes his eyes.

“You look real great, Five. It’s just right for you.”

Viktor’s steadier countenance convinces Five and he allows himself to relax.

Diego returns from the other side of the room with four glasses of good scotch on a tray: his wedding present to Five. Five takes one gratefully.

“Gomez Addams was a great husband, hermano.”

Five smiles as the four brothers toast each other.

Your bridesmaids and a few more friends chat quietly, sipping champagne. Klaus is playing with Aoife, making her laugh with grotesque funny faces and feeding her a chocolate-covered strawberry. You and Five were trying to avoid feeding her refined sugar for the first two years of her life, but you're turning a blind eye today. Your hair, always uncooperative, does not want to stay in the hairstyle you’d planned and you’re starting to panic. You have half an hour to spare and you’re not even in your dress. Your phone vibrating on and off on the dressing table in front of you is not helping your stress levels.

You have four missed calls from your Mom and three texts:

Where's the bridal suite? Hello??? ???

Lila turns your phone face down and puts her hands on your shoulders.

“Take a breath or two, kitten.”

“I don’t want her in here.”

“I know, I know.”

If anyone knows crazy mothers, it’s Lila. She takes your hair into her own hands, gently scrapes it back, pulling and twisting it into a low chignon, securing it quickly. Amazingly, it looks good. Even more amazingly, it actually stays in place.

“Look at me.”

You turn to her, and she pulls loose a few tendrils from around your face, creating loose, wispy curls with the heavy curling iron on the dressing table. Finally, she secures it with hairspray. When your phone begins to ring again, she clicks her fingers in front of your eyes as they dart towards it.

“Hey- hey. Don’t answer. It’s ok. Have some champagne.”

You take a mouthful and try to forget the insistent buzzing. When you’re ready to Lila’s satisfaction, she steps back.

“How’s that?”

You look. She’s managed to create something elegant from hair that never wants to stay in place. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s get you into that dress.”

There’s a flurry of excited chatter as you step into the dress hung up on the wardrobe, helped by Lila, Ellie and Lydia. As they zip and slowly button you into the structured bodice and you glimpse yourself in the mirror, you feel the flutter of anticipation return.

Until you hear the knocking.

“I’m here!”

“Oh fuck,” you say, pleasant feeling replaced again by cramps of fear.

“What do you want us to do?” says Lila quickly as the knocking and your mother’s voice becomes more insistent, “Just say the word and I’ll get rid of her.”

You dither for under a second. At this point, you’d rather she was in here than constantly trying to get in here.

“Let her in.”

Ellie goes to the door, giving you an apologetic look. She knows your mother of old. She bursts into the room, talking a mile a minute. She’s wearing a lacy, mid length beaded dress with a matching chiffon coat. Her hat is the most extravagant monstrosity: feather quills curl from a gigantic flower. It adds a whole foot to her height. The whole ensemble is white because of course it is

“OH I had such a time finding the bridal suite. Check your PHONE missy! But don’t you worry, I’m here now.”

She practically elbows your three bridesmaids out of the way, starts to button your dress and clicks her fingers imperiously at the photographer currently photographing your shoes.

“Get a picture of this.”

Nonplussed, he obliges. Afterwards, she immediately steps away.

“How do I look, darling?”

“Very nice Mom.”

“Oh,” comes Lila’s voice, as she retakes her position behind you and continues with your buttons, “Is this your outfit?”

You notice that her accent has shifted from her usual East London to a more received-pronunciation queen’s-English style.

“Of course,” says your mother, testily.

“Oh. I see. Traditionally, white is reserved for the bride, but don’t you worry about it. Nobody will get you mixed up.”

She smiles in a most un-Lila-like way. Usually, she’s brash to the point of coarseness, but since your mother walked in, she’s projecting formidable passive aggression. Lila seems to have got the measure of her very quickly. She’s leveraging her Britishness with a skill that makes you smirk; this has got to be killing her. Mom loves to be the arbiter of what’s ‘proper’.

She blusters a little before marching towards the bed and wrestling a protesting Aoife out of her Uncle Klaus’s arms.

“Oh…you want a hold, hey? Sure thing.”

Klaus hands her over and she reaches back to him with chubby fists.

After bouncing and cooing at the baby, your Mom looks Klaus up and down. “Who are these two?”

“Mom, this is Klaus, he's my future Brother-in-law. And this is Lila, my other bridesmaid: she's Diego’s wife. Diego's another of Five's brothers so Lila’s my future Sister-in-law, I guess.”

She eyes Klaus down her nose. He’s wearing a neon pink velvet suit, jacket fastened over a bare chest and a black feather boa.

“Which one are you?”

“Well nice to meet you too. I'm the one who sees dead people.”

He fixes her with a thousand-yard stare for a second before grinning broadly.

“Which number?”

“Four.”

She turns to you while Aoife twists in her arms, trying to keep Klaus in view. He pulls a face at her and holds her hand over her grandmother’s shoulder.

“Why do all the others have real names?”

You falter. You don’t actually know this. Klaus answers for you,

“Because Five was a passive aggressive little shit even when we were kids. When he was really little, he was sore about being ranked five out of seven but then he decided to own it, just to stick it to Dad.”

You laugh, “Of course he did.”

“I think Mom gave him a few names to choose from and he couldn’t pick, so he just kept the number out of spite. It’s too late to change it now. Can you imagine calling him Steve or whatever?”

Lila finishes buttoning you and your mother looks at Klaus distastefully. As always, she considers anybody more animated than herself as a threat to her role as the center of attention. She has particular antipathy for (what she terms) 'flamboyant' men.

“Where’s Dad?” you ask, to distract her.

“Downstairs. He’s sitting in the lobby.”

“Oh.”

The fact he didn’t come up to see you is kind of hurtful. Sure, he’s frail, but there are elevators…

Klaus refills your champagne glass and kisses your cheek.

“We got twenty minutes so I’m going to go see Five and then I’ll see you down there. You look so hot it makes me sick.”

You laugh and give him a cautious hug, careful not to rumple your dress.

With his hand on the door handle, Klaus looks back. Should he tell Geri that Aoife has left chocolate-strawberry handprints all over her jacket?

Nah.

After tying Santi's bow tie, Diego passes Klaus the glass of whiskey saved for him. He winks thanks at his bother and sits heavily on Five's bed of the previous evening.

“I've just met your future Mother-in-law."

Five looks up at Klaus from the room’s armchair and gives him a sympathetic look.

"Did you manage to escape unmolested?"

"Yeah, but she's fucking crazy, right?"

“No arguments there," Five tilts his glass to tease out the last drop of fine scotch, "she sorta came onto me when I met her.”

“Well,” chimes in Diego, amid the general laughter, “she is closer to your age.”

“Don’t, Diego.”

Five doesn’t snap, he just sounds muted. Perhaps realizing that just as they’re about to go downstairs is not the time to be putting doubts in his head, Diego puts his hand on Five’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“Come on, you little shit, let’s get you married.”

Down in the library, ready for the ceremony, Klaus stands at the head of the aisle while guests file into their seats and the upper gallery. Five stands waiting with his three groomsmen lined beside him, eyeing the simple decorations. Good: everything appears to be in order.

“Feeling good Five?” Luther asks.

“Sure. Great. Feeling great.”

He goes to put his hands in his trouser pockets but realizes they’re still sewn shut from the tailors. They clasp behind his back instead.

Over the next few minutes, Five’s attention is called by various guests as they take their seats. He gives Herb and Dot a respectful nod as they edge their way into the gallery, looking down on the wedding. When Geri and Bert enter, he keeps his eyes front.

"Oh Five. You look so handsome."

He cringes, slaps on a smile and turns around.

"Thank you, Geri," he says, trying not to grit his teeth or stare too hard at her weird hat.

She fingers his cravat admiringly. "Very traditional; like an old-fashioned gentleman."

Diego, inexpertly trying to save his brother, captures Geri's attention:

"I said it's more Gomez Addams."

Geri meets Diego's eye and looks at him appraisingly, like he's one fillet of beef she's comparing to another, weighing one in her hand while considering the price of the other. She hooks a finger around Five's collar.

"You're a funny one." she smirks, not breaking eye contact with Diego as she slides her finger as far down Five’s collar as it will reach. She runs the finger across his neck, from below his ear to his Adam's apple. It takes all his strength not to jerk away, his flesh crawling.

The brothers stand in silence as Geri takes her seat.

"What the hell?" whispers Luther.

Five ignores him and turns to Klaus, “How long now?.”

And then the music begins and the guests give a little frisson. He forgets Geri temporarily and turns to see Lila, Lydia and Ellie walking down the aisle. Lila, holding a burbling Aoife, sticks out her tongue and gives him the finger as he catches her eye, making him smile. As all the guests turn their heads for their first glimpse of the bride, Five turns his eyes away, giving himself a second to prepare.

He’s getting married. The guy who thought the closest he’d get was a mannequin, (an amazing mannequin, but still a mannequin when all was said and done). And he’s marrying you. After everything he’s done to not deserve it. Luther taps him on the arm and gestures behind him, smiling broadly.

Five takes a deep breath and turns around.

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed.) @dilfjohhny , @sunsunhe, @w4stedtr4sh, @nevbrooke-555, @theredvelvetbitch, @td-miley01, @five-hxrgreeves, @rorygi1more, @jamiebower88

Masterpost

Alternatively, join me on A03. Here is a link to the whole series

Comments would be appreciated here or on ao3 because I'm a needy ho.

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id-kneel-for-loki · 1 year

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loki show slander (and fic recs to heal your soul)

has anyone else watched the loki series and been left with a very weird, negative feeling? almost like you’re out of place or that something is wrong? because when I first watched the show, it made me feel super weird, but in a bad way.

I couldn’t understand why at first because when I looked on twitter to see what other people thought about the show, every opinion I came across was super positive, praising the show for “showing Loki’s vulnerability” and “showing depth to the character”.

this made me feel super terrible because loki is literally my favorite character, and yet I couldn’t understand why the show left such a bad taste in my mouth. I also felt really guilty because as a loki-stan, I felt like I was obligated to like the show, and yet I didn’t.

but recently I started to come across other opinions that are similar to mine and suddenly so much things make sense. and better yet, I’m so relieved that I’m not the only one who thinks they screwed up the character and botched a show that had so much potential.

anyway if the show makes you feel like you want to bleach your eyes, here are some Loki fanfiction recommendations because most fans have a better characterization and more respect for the character than the actual writers of the show:

Frostbite (by Maiden_of_Asgard)

“Iceland is nice - sure, you probably should’ve picked a time of year when the weather was a little warmer, but it isn’t too bad, and at least you’re away from your desk job, right? It’s a pretty big adventure.

You’ve always said that you wanted more adventure in your life.”

this is the best loki fic I’ve EVER read, and the one that started in all. I absolutely love his character in this, he’s so badass. 10000% recommended.

Aftermath (by Infinite_Monkeys)

“Thanos is dead. The world is saved, time is put to rights, and Earth has a team of capable defenders to, in theory, keep the planet safe from any further threats.

Fury thinks that his newly formed team might just drive him to an early retirement, if they don't give him a heart attack first.”

a crack fic to heal your soul

With One More Try (Can We Start Again) (by Infinite_Monkeys)

“Loki's attempt to conquer Earth has, to his great dismay, succeeded spectacularly. When Thanos sends him to collect the Time Stone, he strikes a deal with the Stone's keeper: he'll be sent back to the beginning of the invasion, and this time, armed with knowledge about his opponents, he can lose properly.

Or: a time loop fic in which Loki does increasingly desperate things to try and get the Avengers to defeat him already.”

The Undercover Boogie (by amcw117)

“In which Coulson's argumentation on behalf of the human race proves highly effective and gains S.H.I.E.L.D. a new agent with an interesting concept of covert operations. Naturally, things go awry pretty fast. Written for this prompt @ avengerkink on LJ.”

absolutely hilarious fic, love it

Throw Me (A Helping Hand) (by Quarra, RemingtonFae)

“Ok. Fuck. Here’s the plan.” Barnes casually stood up and leaned over to wrap an arm around Loki, careful to keep his back to those voices.

“What are you---” Loki looked at Barnes in confusion, and pressed back a little, pushing him away.

“You can illusion yourself, right? You should do that. And then I’ll throw you at them as a distraction.” Barnes tugged Loki closer and fought down the panic that clawed up his back.

“What?! No! No, I do not like this plan. I object. Strenuously,” Loki babbled at him, and put a little more effort into shoving Barnes away.

Steve was right behind them. Right there. Within reach.

Barnes couldn’t deal with that.

Could.

Not.

“It’s a great plan. Guaranteed to work. They won’t know it’s you, and I’ll be gone by the time they look up.” With his left arm secure in its grip on Loki’s shoulder, Barnes grabbed Loki’s belt with his right. “Better get ready.”

“Barnes. Barnes!”

Or, where Loki is an absolute troll for the Powers of Mostly-Sometimes-Good, Bucky is having the worst century ever, and everything still manages to turn out mostly okay.

please read this I beg you it will heal your soul

That Boy Next Door (He’s a Real Hit) (by STARSdidathing)

“Tony Stark made a terrible mistake years ago. He married a horrible woman. Oriana Stane was the daughter of his father's business partner; the man who ran Stark Industries into the ground and left him in debt.

Now, Tony's living in Canada with a wife who hates his guts. And frankly, the feeling is very mutual.

His life is a mess and he can't find the escape route. He's honestly stopped trying. But then a new neighbour moves in. The guy is hot and funny but his name is really familiar. It takes one conversation for the penny to drop.

Loki Odinson is a contract killer in hiding from the Norwegian mob and if that isn't dangerous enough, what happens next might just end up with Tony knee deep in multiple murders and forming an attraction to a man who is known for never keeping witnesses alive. Whole Nine Yards AU”

also an amazing fic

Stormbreaker (by ladylapislazuli)

“With a shock, Thor realises Loki is flirting with him. Ineptly, true enough, testing his charms without the verbal skill to dazzle, every bit an awkward youth, but he is flirting.

Thor… is not sure what to make of that.

- - -

In which an attempt to destroy the Infinity Gauntlet sends Thor back in time, and a young Loki appears to be falling for him.”

this one is a thorki wip so I get if it’s not your cup of tea BUT the characterization and depth of both Thor and Loki are absolutely amazing in this fic

#loki fanfiction #fanction #fanfiction reccomendations #fanfic recs #loki fanfics #anti loki series #loki fics #competent loki #loki isnt a joke #loki fics to heal your soul #and to bleach your brain from that joke of a show #loki deserves better #we wanted dark-world loki #but they gave us nothing #fuck the writers #here are some fanfics that have better plots than the entirety of the loki show #please don't come @ me in the comments lol #loki slander is not accepted here BUT loki show slander is absolutely encouraged

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cantarella · 6 months

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The way (other than the femslash girlies) the only ppl (rightfully!) calling out all the misogyny against furina from the fans and the leaks and those weirdo redditors is genshin's edition of fandom weirdos who think that #feminism or #misogyny is whether or not fictional women get to be paired with a fictional man or not.... :/

That fandom phenomenon is already weird and loserish even when it's just regular, but these shippers get so damn WEIRD abt their dragon x girl pairing and get very dense abt the story's themes to force the pairing. And ironically half their "ship" posts sound so creepy and misogynistic like......... ok -.- ...... Sometimes it feels like a window to #those otakuweeb forums the way they talk abt her character model

The way so many irritating things with this AQ series & fan reaction can all be traced to 1 character. They shoulda made a grandma dragon instead and maybe none of this woulda happened.

for realll like it's unbelievable how nobody outside of the femslash bubble is on her side and those who do are just. radfems. or haven't grown out of their black butler phase and project onto her to thirst on neuvillette. which is insane enough as it is he's like a sad candelabra to me not an object of desire but that's my lesbianism talking. anyway

this is why I don't associate with the people who like focltte bc not only this pairing makes me uncomfortable bc of how I read their dynamic, but they're also so fucking weird about what's clearly a fetish thing. just say you're into size difference and age gap but noo they have to be aggressive about it bc if you don't think they're meant to be then you're a misogynist bc how Dare you think furina is a teen. which I mean I think "teen out of her depth helped by a wiser adult man" is a more charitable read of her than "adult woman playing dumb to not be held accountable while her boyfriend does all the work" but ok sure you do you

also the way they keep their eyes shut about everything going on on screen to support their fuckass pairing is so annoying. like the fact furina has a quote about the whore of babylon in her profile and they were like "omg forbidden lovers <3" first of all the whore of babylon is a misogynistic story that has been used in sistemic violence why would you want that for her. second of all it's a fucking metaphor for a city betraying it's ideals and/or outside invasion which is exactly what fontaine's aq is about. you people are out of your minds and also idiots

anyway while neuvi related drama isn't the only argument that makes no sense I've seen come out of fontaine (wrio being accused of psychologically torturing the fatui spies who infiltrated his fortress will never not be funny to me but that's a topic for another day) I do think hyv should atone in the deepest pits of hell for adding men in their games bc it attracted the worst kind of people. when will I be free of this mortal coil

#sorry this is so long but I'm full of hatred + character limit and possible ban for foul language nerfs me on twitter #chi.txt #ask #anonymous #teyvat talk

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brightnote · 9 months

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Okay hear me out (again) is a revival on the rise? Secret Invasion Spoilers!

I am once again…… posting a Maria survival potential outcome (mostly because this is more fun than working and I can’t stop thinking about it)

We are going back to the bar scene in Episode One.

So question, why did Nick and Maria not arrive together at this bar? Weren’t they staying in the same safe house, working together? Maria is just like I need a night off after getting my ass kicked by five foot G’iah which definitely made a lot of sense …. So I am just gonna head off to a bar alone in Moscow because I am not an important lady with an important never described job and I am not an American agent hiding in Russia for an unknown reason, and no one would miss me if I just took off for a night. In fact, apparently no one even misses me if I just like go rogue and stop working on whatever I was working on and go kick around with Fury. All of this makes perfect sense, no notes. (Ok but see my notes below)

So then Nick comes later to the bar and meets Maria there but Gravik is already at the bar (no one comes in the bar behind him) So wouldn’t this suggest to you in an alleged chess themed spy thriller that Fury was watching where Gravik was going and not Gravik was watching where Fury was going? I mean we learn later that Fury knows Gravik is looking for him and wants something from him and that Gravik has worked with Fury before, and why would these two boneheads just go out to a bar in public when people are looking for Fury- unless they want to be seen.

So then Maria says OUTLOUD in PUBLIC at a BAR THAT GRAVIK IS AT that world famous spy Nick Fury has been ignoring her (!!!) and he hasn’t been the same since the blip and he needs to sit this one out. Nick Fury you cannot do your job and the only reason she called him was because Talos asked her, even though he has your number. Again, this makes perfect sense, no notes. (But ok again, see my notes below)

- so what if Nick wasn’t ignoring Maria’s messages or calls but what if Maria and Nick just had this conversation out loud where Gravik could hear it. Then Nick can barely even play a simple game of chess against his long time bestie. What if this is all a show and it’s all an act for Gravik. And then Maria is like practically shouting “THE FURY I KNOW IS ALWAYS THREE STEPS AHEAD, STAY OUTTA THIS FIGHT MAN SIT THIS ONE OUT” (even though I called you and picked you up— makes sense. Ok.) Isn’t this conversation weird? Like, Maria, c’mon who is gonna fight the Skrulls? YOU? LITTLE MISS I LEFT MY BULLET PROOF VEST AT HOME? YOU ARE GONNA DO IT? I DON’T THINK YOU ARE GONNA DO IT. Just saying. side note: YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT VARRA AND G’IAH HAVE TIME TO PUT ON BULLET PROOF VESTS THAT THEY JUST HAVE WHILE BEING SHOT AT BUT MARIA DIDN’T WEAR ONE TO A BOMBING? MARVEL WHAT?

- so then after Gravik probably hears this whole conversation I would assume since he also seems to think Nick is some broken sad man. Nick, Maria, and Talos, engage in what is probably the stupidest fucking plan of strategic spy geniuses anyone could imagine. They go to a planned bombing with absolutely nothing but infrared glasses apparently that they just happen to have and they are going to grab the bombs and put DIRTY BOMBS next to their human/skrull mortal bodies and also does this plot make sense for Nick Fury who is so unbelievably afraid of death that he wouldn’t come back to earth for years? YET somehow this alien-human hybrid bomb squad sans back up is gonna move these bombs away from a crowd and themselves and do it before Gravik sets them off and they will not die next to these bombs, how? Two of these bozos can’t even survive a bullet and a knife wound…apparently… so ok… what? I think everyone universally agrees that this is a stupid stupid stupid plan and it’s so obviously stupid that it genuinely confuses the entire fan base.

But is this actually evidence of a fake out Maria? She is wearing slightly different clothes and her cut has kind of healed way more than you would think overnight. Because what if it was okay for this version of Maria to die? It make sense that she would just run up to a bomb bag and grab it ….. because otherwise… that would be really fucking stupid and what would stop Gravik from just blowing her up if she took the bag??? [YES I KNOW THERE ARE NO BOMBS IN THERE BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT YET---unless they do? gasp?]

Maria also loses her infrared glasses somewhere around this point. I thought she lost them in the bombing but she actually wasn’t wearing them then! Just saying if you know a bomb is going off like maybe protect your eyes but ok sure it’s not like she protected anything else that day so idk. Additionally, Fury saw Maria get shot and instead of shooting Gravik right away he just doesn’t? Right right, he couldn’t take the .01 second to fire a bullet at Gravik, he had to run to Maria clear his name and then abandon her body on the cold Russian ground….in front of Gravik… (ok Gravik does leave after a hot second) but hey maybe this is another show! I mean after all, Maria did think she could just strut away with a dirty bomb for some reason no one can explain.

Maybe real Maria is in hiding and got some super skrull antidote serum and is gonna sharp shoot it into them. Maybe Maria always knew Skrull Ross was a Skrull and some shit was was up Rhodey and she just had to like pretend or something. Maybe she wanted Rhodey to see she sent a message to Fury, I mean if she sent them before why would this one suddenly cause alarm? I feel like true spy thrillers generally come full circle by the end. And maybe Maria is who Fury was calling on his ear piece since that is like kind of their thing. And the person on the other side has to be someone expecting his call, it pretty much has to be someone on earth… probably… and Nick already said he wasn’t calling any avengers to get involved so I can’t imagine any one else who is waiting for his call… so it could be a surprise alive Maria! But it’s probably just G’iah sigh. (lol maybe it’s ant-man jk lmao let’s just have one marvel tragedy at a time please)

Also, the reason potentially that Maria is alive, is that her death just became very public. There’s video of it and it’s going to have to be explained a way some other than “that wasn’t Nick Fury it was just a secret alien disguised as Nick Fury murdering someone.” Because I think that is gonna raise a lot of questions that no one is going to want to answer. And the best away to navigate that whole issue? She’s not dead. SHE’S NOT DEAD. GIRL NOT DEAD. (can’t wait for next Wednesday when they reveal she’s dead dead)

But of course they have to pretend she’s dead because Rhodey is a skrull and they didn’t know that Hill Mommas were gonna get involved and maybe that’s why Fury was an aloof idiot at the body transfer which is not a funeral btw cause Talos had a real body burning funeral and we just saw a box.

So what if the Maria who died was a skrull who shape shifted as Maria but was wearing the Widows Veil as Maria DOUBLE SHAPE SHIFT which is why Maria didn’t turn green when she died. ALSO if Maria was actually Soren that would explain why she thought G’iah was someone suspicious….? But then of course Talos would have been a mess so probably not and actually I think this would be kind of a terrible explanation for this— the whole thing the double shape shift included (I just thought it was funny) but Talos has to be in on a plan somehow because how did get a car to take him and Fury away from the the scene so fast? Was that always their plan? So they had some kind of tech and plan going on here? This is why the writing in these style of shows is really important because it otherwise comes across as a chaotic mess with too many plot holes?

Also, can Nick Fury really be so terrible he only gets (billion dollar) tech to protect himself, and everyone else has to fuck off and die? I mean I guess so, but this whole I have to do this alone angle is actually pretty dumb for a guy who spent his whole life bringing people together. Also side note the Rick Mason (I figured out his name) cameo was probably legit and not Maria in disguise after all. If Talos dying fixes a broken Fury, then what purpose did Maria’s death serve at all? Everyone has to die for Nick Fury to get out of his man baby spiral — half the fucking planet disappeared in the blip man, get a therapist. In fact, at this point, if this show doesn’t come full circle with a Maria reveal, I would have rather watched six episodes of Nick Fury in therapy, Dr. Katz style.

Either the point of this show is that Fury was three steps ahead the whole time (which tracks), or Fury has gone full on ‘Maria is still alive delusional’ (like me :) ) he’s either right and he is always in even when he’s out, and that nobody calls him nick, and that he can defend the earth like him (which I think would include his closest allies but lmao sure ok) or he is just the old out of touch hanging onto the past sad sack who is so totally out it’s embarrassing and I just can’t imagine they would write a show about that.

Marvel also really went out o the way to give Maria zero cool moments in this whole series … so far and she has so many cool ones in the Secret Invasion comics, they have to give her one!! ALL SHE DOES IS DIE. SHE DOESN’T EVEN WIN A FIGHT AGAINST A FIVE FOOT LADY SHE RANDOMLY DECIDES TO FOLLOW. So expecting them to comeback with something AWESOME with this character is a full state of delusion that I can’t even comprehend but here I am living it and sharing it with all of you. They even took one of the coolest moments from Maria when they made her a skrull back in Far From Home (which I get they had to do but that means her only other moments are her coughing (the word) testosterone at Tony Stark and Thor (A++ moment btw) and freeing Captain America, Black Widow, and the Falcon (A) but you don’t even really see that one. So they just brought her back to die, and then blast that death on full volume in every episode? Mm nah. I don’t buy it anymore. I mean Marvel go ahead and disappoint, but it would be really cool if you didn’t. Also it would totally change the whole show in a good way. At first I thought a fake out Maria death would be cheap, but now I don’t (bias aside) I think it’s necessary.

So full disclosure on this delusion, Cobie herself has said in a number of interviews that she thinks Maria Hill is dead, “it looks real to me!” “It felt different” “but I don’t know it’s the multi-verse” and she “doesn’t know anything” about being in the Marvels etc. She also said Marvel told her “Maria was going to get shot by skrulls.” Idk i think some of these are interesting phrases but probably nothing. She also posted a good-bye to Maria Hill on IG but deleted it 40 minutes later. Screencaps here. Interesting though that she used Maria as an LMD escaping the Skrulls. I also believe she has been giving us secret messages via her clothes but probably she didn’t even know what she was posting and was like wow look at these cool Maria action shots in the comics and posted them and then everyone freaked out because she posted Maria as an LMD escaping the Skrulls and she was like whoops gonna delete that. That’s my best guess.

edit: actually i think there is going to be a double shape shift but it won’t be related to Maria it’s going to be G’iah shape shifting into Nick Fury with a full body widow’s veil of Fury too! that’s why Fury mentioned the new widows veil was full body and G’iah as fake Fury is going to fight Gravik since she’s a super skrull! Bummer Maria is gone for real probably but eh this was a fun theory to rant out.

SECOND EDIT: Maybe we are going to see a flashback involving Maria and Rhodey as we are still waiting on these scenes that Maria and Rhodey supposedly have. Maybe Maria is the one who notices something is up with him from awhile ago? I know Maria and Rhodey are buddies and it would be great if she was the one who secretly survived and saved him. You can’t tell me Fury didn’t know skrulls were high up in the US Government for sometime now. Maybe we are going to see Ross again in the last episode when everything is explained (I hope cause a lot of explaining needs to be done here?) Like there has to be a reason that Maria and skrull Ross are working in Russia they have to have more of a set up than “we open in Russia where Maria is (no reason) and she is just driving around on her Moscow Vacation but still working and Ross who is also in Russia (no reason) calls her for a pick up and surprise he dies and is a skrull! But don’t worry Talos says not really Ross fake Ross and no one investigates this and wonders about it or even brings it up again.”

If this is really what Marvel did, it would be as stupid as sending a 20+ years of experience agent into a planned bombing and without a shred of protective gear which apparently other women can get and put on in a shoot out... but the one person who probably would definitely have one... for some reason doesn’t and no one has explained this to us why... I just want everyone to know that when I saw Varra and G’iah put on those bullet proof vests I flipped the fuck out.

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thethirdromana · 2 years

Text

Rewatching the Talons of Weng-Chiang

Oh boy. This turned out long.

Very hard to write about this one. On the one hand, it’s among the best of the Hinchcliffe-Holmes era in so many ways. The plot zips along, the dialogue is witty and quotable (“sleep is for tortoises”; “Eureka is Greek for ‘this bath is too hot’”) and it brings Victorian London to life even on a shoestring budget.

On the other hand, it is so, so racist. Even at the time – or near enough – it was being criticised for racism, with TV Ontario declining to broadcast the story in 1980 following complaints. This was the era when the BBC was still producing The Black and White Minstrel Show, which was exactly what it sounds like, and Talons was racist enough to raise criticism even in that context.

A thankfully dwindling number of Doctor Who fans make the argument that it was of its time (it wasn’t), that yellowface was necessary given the lack of Chinese actors (there are Chinese actors in this story), or that the story merely shows Victorian racial attitudes as they were (it does, but the Doctor goes along with those attitudes).

Given the egregiousness of the anti-Chinese racism, it feels churlish to reference the writing of Casey-the-Irish-stereotype, the ‘pixelated leprechaun’ (he is pixie-elated, or bewildered, not low-resolution) – but that’s not great either.

It’s almost worse that there are some glimmers of light: Li H’Sen Cheng is a brilliant, compelling character; the racism of the Victorian police is highlighted (although again, the Doctor seems to agree with it); and Cheng’s line that “I understand we all look the same to you” is bitterly comedic in the light of being delivered by a white man in yellowface. Why couldn’t Robert Holmes, writing all of that, see the problem with the rest of it?

(Then again, the BBC didn’t see the problem with Sherlock’s The Blind Banker in two-thousand-and-fucking-ten).

OK. More on the racism in a moment. For now, a few other thoughts:

This is delightfully dense with ideas that are, at best, adjacent to the main plot. The source of the Peking homunculus. Time Agents. The genetic disruption that makes the rats gigantic. It makes the story feel rich and vivid even as most of these threads go nowhere.

Does Victorian London look particularly convincing because a lot of 70s London looks grim and grubby to modern eyes?

The Rodents Of Unusual Size are extremely cute. This story was widely criticised for crappy special events and I think – as with Invasion of the Dinosaurs – it’s improved with distance because basically all the special effects of 70s Doctor Who look crap now, so it doesn’t stand out so much.

As an advert for Robert Holmes’ scriptwriting, this wasn’t improved for watching it immediately after Caves of Androzani. Oh, a villain with facial deformity who hides behind a mask and preys on young women, is it, Robert? How original. (OK, the script is overall a work of genius).

Litefoot and Jago are fabulous from beginning to end. Full marks to Litefoot, being a gentleman and eating with his hands so Leela won’t feel uncomfortable.

Leela is wonderful in this. It’s noticeable, for all its misogyny (“where’s that girl Leela got to?”) 1970s Doctor Who often gives companions a lot more to do than its modern equivalent. Sure, Martha goes off and saves the world when the Doctor is out of action, but when he’s around, she mostly stands there and asks audience stand-in questions. Meanwhile, Sarah Jane goes off and interrogates politicians and Leela stabs people with Janus thorns.

Tom Baker is so good that it feels almost weird to observe it. He’s not good at being the Doctor, he IS the Doctor.

So in trying to square this being both one of the best Doctor Who stories and one of the most racist Doctor Who stories, I find myself wondering: how would I fix it?

It’s arguable that it’s not fixable. Its core idea, that a foreign menace has come to Britain’s shores and murdered innocent young women for its own evil ends, is inherently racist, after all. (On the other hand, the idea that a British menace has come to foreign shores and murdered innocents for its own evil ends is most of the history of the 19th century). But here’s my best attempt.

Add more Chinese characters. Specifically, replace Jago. Our brash theatre owner could now be a brash Chinese immigrant theatre owner, happy to exploit the Orientalist thrills of Li H’Sen Cheng’s performance, worried about the spate of missing women near the theatre, knowing he can’t possibly go to the police himself.

Give us a bit more historical commentary. Maybe Leela can ask why there are so many Chinese people in London addicted to opium. Maybe our new Jago – or the Doctor – can explain. (Is this too much for a kids’ TV show? Not if you already have them going into an opium den, it’s not).

Weave some of that history into the plot. Perhaps Greel was trapped in the Old Summer Palace, and inadvertently released when the British burned it down.

Make Litefoot a Sinophile. As things stand, Litefoot is the personification of the British Empire, a gentleman who, despite being brought up in China, throws out racial slurs left and right and describes the Chinese as “a mysterious lot” and “odd sort of people”. Maybe, instead of feeling himself superior to China and everyone in it, he misses living there. Maybe he bonds with Jago over a shared appreciation of Chinese culture.

Ditch the yellowface. Obviously. For pity’s sake.

I'm not sure whether that would really be enough? But it would help.

#Doctor Who #classic Doctor Who #Robert Holmes #Tom Baker #Talons of Weng-Chiang #fourth doctor #Romana rewatches Doctor Who

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