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wolfiesmoon · 3 months

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Hey I hope you are doing well when ever you are reading this but how do you think the 3rd year boys from twst would react to their s/o (gn reader) cuddling with a huge plush instead of them.

Like this.

Oh boy oh boy this kinda cures my writers block tbh, i have so many drafts but none of em look enticing enough to continue writing (´д｀|||)

I took out a few of the 3rd years bc its too many people for 1 fic but i might make a part 2 where i add the missing 3rd years at some point

i went with the more silly writing style again, hope that's fine by you ○( ＾皿＾)っ

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ Malleus Draconia

He doesn't exactly get why, but he feels kinda annoyed just laying next to you while you hug a big ol plushie

This doesn't feel right🫤

But then again, you look rlly happy and satisfied so he stays quiet since if you're happy, he's happy (he desperately wants to be in the plushy's place)

When you playfully kiss the plush though, that rule no longer applies. After all, his rightful spot is in your arms🫠

He nudges you. "Put the stuffed animal away."

"You sound angry." You smirk and kiss the plush again, knowing he's probably annoyed about that

without another word, he pulls the plushy out of your hands and settles down in its place

"I am a much better than that object. Just so you know." he smiled smugly, expecting a kiss on the cheek just like you gave to the plushie earlier

you kissed him on the lips instead just to see his eyes widen and his face go red ofc 😏

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ Leona Kingscholar

basically, it is NOT happening

"hell no." is the only thing he says before ripping the poor plushie out of your arms and chucking it across the room

like actually how DARE you try to replace him with a plushie

"Why would you do that?" You pouted at him, looking at the now discarded plushy from the bed🤕

"You know damn well why." He huffed, laying down on top of you without warning which tends to be a habit of his

"Because that's my spot, got it?" He answered for you. clearly you forgot😒

"Uhhh, right." you answered after a short pause...

"I won't remind you next time." he sounded rlly annoyed. it's kinda funny how worked up he got over a plushy replacing him 🤭

this also means he won't let you get up for like.... atleast 2 hours to atone for your sins

moral of the story: don't do this again unless you want a ripped up plushie and a pissed off lion man😠

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ Idia Shroud

"This is so unfair. Even worse than an OP boss. " he sighed dramatically, laying down besides you and pouting at the sight og a huge plushie in your arms

"pick up the sock if you have enough energy to complain." you turned away from him, still annoyed with him

being the epic gamer he is (😎💯), he discarded one of his socks in the middle of his room and didn't feel like picking it up later even after you told him to

...which ended with you refusing to cuddle with him until he does pick up the sock

after a short while of very awkward silence...

he groaned in annoyance, begrudgingly getting up and finally picking up the sock, then leaving the room to put it in the wash

you smirked victoriously, placing the plushie away as promised and letting him hug you instead

"The things you make me do, smh." he sighed, relaxing into you 😒

"Picking up a singular sock?" you teased him, hugging him back

He didn't reply so that means it's your victory 😝

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ Vil Schoenheit

this is an unforgivable offense, just because you had a little disagreement earlier doesn't mean you can just replace him with a plushie😠

love transcends disagreements, after all

does not help at all that the plushie's cute round face reminds him of a certain thorn in his side named Neige LeBlanche😒

he sighs, "I may have been too harsh back there."

your only reply is an annoyed huff and you hug the plushie tighter which makes one of those anime veins pop up on his face 💢

he takes a deep breath "It was not my intention to hurt your... sensibilities." he's trying babe, he's really trying

You don't reply for a moment...

"Ugh." you throw the plushie away and hug him tightly "This doesn't mean I forgive you, just for the record."

"I still stand by my opinion too, just worded less harshly." he gently puts an arm around you, stroking your back

it was only a matter of time until you gave up with your stubborn pettiness, soon you'll forgive him too, he'll make sure of that 😌

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ Lilia Vanrouge

He's actually surprisingly chill about it i feel like

He wouldn't get annoyed or be jealous per se, he'd just get a little sad it's not him you're hugging😔

he's there, you know? there's no need for a plushie...

"Am I not satisfactory enough?" He asks half playfully half seriously

"In what sense?" you totally knew what he meant but just wanted to tease him back

"Hey, isn't this supposed to be the other way around?" he smiled at you, immediately knowing what you were playing at

"Hahaha, you know me too well." you kiss his cheek, yet you still don't let go of the plushie which makes him pout

"I see you have found yourself a new lover." his eyes travel to the plushie for a moment, the betrayal is real😔🙏🏻

"You got a problem with him?" you raised a brow 🤨

"A little." he hugged you from the back, getting comfy

"Okay fine, maybe my ex is the better one after all." you let go of the plushie and turned around to hug him back 💗

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queerly-autistic · 3 months

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Right, I think it's time for some positivity, and also a reality check (and I mean that in the most loving way possible) regarding the campaign to save OFMD. I've seen a lot of people saying 'it's been nearly a month, we should have been picked up by now', and whilst, yes, some cancelled shows have received very quick movement to other streamers, it's absolutely not the story for all of them. We've seen numerous shows follow different journeys from cancellation to pick-up, and there's no way of knowing what journey we might be going on.

Are we in the fast lane where we get picked up the next month (lookin' at you, Lucifer and The Expanse)? The middling lane where it takes months for a pick-up deal to be hashed out (lookin' at you, One Day At A Time, The Tourist, and Warrior)? The slow lane where we keep pushing for years and then eventually crowdfund a film (lookin' at you Veronica Mars)?

I think we have to consider the fact that OFMD being cancelled was a last minute thing that blindsided the cast and crew (and shocked people across the industry). So we're going into it in a different position to other shows that had maybe had a hint/suggestion that cancellation was coming before it happened. This is because if there are rumours of cancellation circling, it gives a chance for feelers to be put out to other networks/by other networks before the actual cancellation is confirmed. That didn't happen here. Which is important.

It's not just wham bam thank you ma'am and now you've been picked up by Netflix (or insert streamer of your choice). It's a negotiation. It's a process. It takes time. There is a very good reason that people heavily suspect that Brooklyn 99 had already been picked up before the cancellation was officially announced, and that the cancelled-to-new-home-in-24-hours thing was pretty much just a marketing stunt. No way was that all negotiated to the point of announcement within a day,

There are many reasons why any potential pick-up elsewhere might take a bit more time. For example, if David is (hopefully) juggling interest from multiple different networks, then that has to be hashed out and negotiated to make sure the best deal is reached for everyone. Also, OFMD is potentially a more complicated show to negotiate than we imagine: at a very basic level, it has a large ensemble (a large international ensemble), which would need to be discussed and negotiated, and it's filmed in New Zealand, which would need to be discussed and negotiated. That doesn't work against it in terms of 'it's more complicated, so it won't be picked up' but it could very well mean that the time needed to negotiate a pick-up is longer.

Remember: One Day At A Time had a much smaller cast (which wasn't an international cast) and it basically had one single studio set (being a sitcom), and that took three months to be saved.

I chatted with my friend, also a fan, who has worked in television production previously and is currently working as a screenwriter, and she confirmed just how much time, discussion and negotiation this stuff takes. She basically said: yep, this all takes time and this is very normal. And this is coming from someone who is very firmly in the 'I am refusing to get my hopes up because I can't bear to get hurt again' camp of trying to save the show.

On that note, I think it's important to address David's silence, because I've seen a few people panicking about that. There's a very good chance that if he is in negotiations right now (and I do not know if he is, he might not be!) then there would be a lot he wouldn't be able to talk about. And he knows that we dissect every single syllable of his posts, so posting anything would be risky. Negotiations are tricky things that involve juggling multiple balls (and torches and knives and chainsaws), and a lot of push-and-pull, back-and-forth, variables-upon-variables, and so going silent on social media would be absolutely what I would expect from him if that was happening.

It's eerie for us because we had a burst of activity from David, a lot of noise and a lot of confidence, and then...nothing. That's jarring, and anxiety-inducing. But I want us to think of it this way: David did a big post about being back in New York, about things looking up, and then he went uncharacteristically silent, which is what would happen if things were going on that he couldn't talk about. I have no idea what, if anything, might be going on, but it's important not to see this as a bad thing.

As someone on Twitter, who also works in the industry (they work as an actor) said the other day: in this business, no news is good news.

(also important to note: if he suddenly reappears on social media, that also doesn't mean that any negotiations have fallen through, and we should all panic; anything could be happening, and I know we're little anxiety gremlins - me included, bigly - but until we are definitively told that this is over and there's no hope, then it's not over and there is hope)

There's no way of knowing what is going on, or how long whatever is (or isn't) going on might take. This might be a sprint, but it could just as easily be a marathon. The show not being picked up immediately does not mean there is no hope, as we have seen with numerous other shows. Look at fandoms like Shadow and Bone, who are still fighting tooth and nail for their show because they refuse to give up on it. They haven't given up, and neither should we.

We need to decide if we love OFMD enough to fight for it long-term, to settle in for a long battle, and keep pushing for as long as it takes. And I think, as difficult as it might be, we all know that this show, and its cast and crew, is worth it.

#ofmd #our flag means death #save ofmd #save our flag means death #renew ofmd #renew our flag means death #adopt our crew #be a lighthouse

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featureenvyproductions · 1 year

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here’s a bird’s eye view of my comic Eyan Eternal

For people who don't know what it is. Bc I think some of you might find it's right up your alley. Well this is an updated one anyway. I do actually have a volume of this out in print right now, but the low def, basic version is online and complete, and tbh, I just want people to read it. I took almost two years to complete this and quite literally poured every waking moment (after work and when I wasn’t fixing stuff in my house) into this to try and finish it.

Ahem

Here is one of these at a glance things!

If that’s enough to intrigue you, take a look at my chapter masterpost which has convenient links to every chapter post so you don’t have to go figuring out where they are and what order they go in!: https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/717516139934154752/eyan-eternal-tumblr-chapter-masterpost?source=share

If you like it and want to support me you can also buy a copy of the first print volume, which collects chapters 1-5 and has a smidge of bonus content (only available in the US right now, but that’s not going to be forever, and I’m working on an e-book as well): https://www.etsy.com/FeatureEnvy/listing/1447399615/eyan-eternal?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1683565699335

And now here is a more detailed break down if you need more info than that...

*Jonathan Frakes asks you things meme voice* have you ever wondered what you’d find if you REALLY lived forever?

Well, meet Eyan, an immortal vampire.

He’s slowly finding out the answer to that question...

...And it appears to be unbearable isolation.

Eons into the distant future, when most stars have faded in the night sky and the cosmic event horizon has confined any remaining beings to an isolated pocket of the universe, Eyan roams interstellar space in a repurposed generation ship in search of anything that could be considered alive/sentient in the way he is.

So far, he’s out of luck.

That is until he runs into an unexpected former rival on a remote planet - Zero, a sentient android he never expected to be the only other person left alive.

Well. That is, if either of them can really be considered “alive”. What does that mean anyway, when the humans who defined what it means to be alive are all gone?

This is something they’ll have to explore and define for themselves as they attempt to set aside their myriad of differences and try to work together on one of the few ways left to escape the dark fate of ultimate isolation - The Grand Encoder, a machine that can upload minds to a special medium - if it even works for them anyway. In the process, they slowly come to accept that maybe they’d had each other all wrong and weren’t seeing the bigger picture.

You may not find any action-packed Star Wars like escapades here in this sci fi drama. You also won’t find ponderings about the origins of vampires or what gave rise to robot sentience - It’s integral to the plot that these things just ARE. But you will find a thoughtful exploration of identity and how it can cause us to define ourselves and relate to (or abandon) each other depending on the framework within which we are doing that exploration and within which we are compelled to exist. It asks the question, what if the frameworks within which we defined our existence and purpose no LONGER existed...Where would we go from there?

And as two immortal guys who are the only folks left in the universe (as far as they know), Eyan and Zero are just the right people to mull over that.

There is both textual and allegorical queerness in this story - both main characters should be considered gay men, even if it’s The Future TM and terms/exact scopes of identities may not be EXACTLY 1-1 with today’s...But I want to be perfectly clear that it was my intent to make them gay because I wanted to see more gay guys in sci fi and I don’t want anyone erasing that. As for the allegorical stuff - I myself am a trans gay man in my late 30s, so this act of re-exploring and re-framing myself and evaluating how and why queer folks interact with each other the way we do is something I’m very familiar with, and I feel like other folks might relate. (I also peppered in some neurodivergent-person-in-a-neurotypical-world moods tbh.)

Of course it’s not all serious. I do have a bit of fun with some old school vampire tropes, tossing Eyan around and putting him in Situations.

Anyway if this all sounds interesting to you, take a look at my tag and site (above)! I’d appreciate it! I also like to hear from people and see if there’s anything about it you related to! :)

I also do everything. Every last monotonous step (well, aside from literally loading up a printing press to churn out volumes lol - BUT REST ASSURED IF I HAD $10K TO PISS INTO THE WIND I WOULD DO THAT TOO). So if there’s ANYTHING you want to know about my process, I’m happy to tell you so please ask, especially if you’re like trying to get started on your own comic or trying to go to print :)

Edit before I go ahead and blaze this: I want to say, to be honest, the creation of comic was initially motivated almost entirely by the isolation/loneliness I’ve felt in my life. It’s not as bad as some folks’ and I know that, but it is a really prevalent thread throughout my life and sometimes is almost unbearable, and my comic began as an exploration of that loneliness, as well as a narrative exercise to try and express the depth of it at its worst point. I’m putting this out here because ultimately I don’t know...maybe someone will catch my drift and understand the feeling I’m trying to illustrate, and maybe they’ll want to see the plot that came of those feelings. I am not above the need to feel seen lol, especially if other people out there feel like they can resonate with this experience as well.

#Eyan Eternal #my comic #vampire #robot #queer sff #indie comic #indie artist

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onlyjaeyun · 15 days

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i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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honeybrowne · 2 years

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Hiiii can i request a blurb with miscommunication? Say reader deals with some insecurities and something hotch says comes out wrong and makes the confidence he instilled in her vanish and hurts her feelings. like hes embarrassed about their relationship but doesnt elaborate that its because hes like 10 years older than her. thank u <3 <3

absolutely, thank you for requesting! i am so so sorry this took me forever to finish. angst is literally right up my alley, but a lot has been going on in my personal life, and my interests have been shifting. hotch still holds a very large piece of my heart, however, writing hasn't been coming easily to me for a while. with that being said, thank you for being patient and i hope this was worth the wait 🫶🏼

(the word count on this was a lot higher than i intended, so it's a little lengthy lol)

Aaron was half asleep when you slipped into bed beside him, smiling sleepily as you nestled yourself into his chest.

"I missed you," he murmured into your hairline.

You tilted your head back for a kiss, his lips soft against yours, and the air he breathed warm and comforting. It caused you to melt further into him, nearly becoming one as you got lost in the feel of his kiss, the taste of his mint and charcoal toothpaste still lingering on his tongue.

"I wish you would've come," you said, pulling back to look at him.

Another smile tugged at his lips, his thumb rubbing the exposed skin of your back. "Honey, we've talked about this. I don't like getting in the way of your time with your friends. I'm already stingy with you enough."

He punctuated the statement by tightening his hold on you, his attempt to make you laugh falling severely short, and you figured he knew where this conversation was about to go. It had been a few weeks since the last time you brought it up, but it was only a matter of time before you'd mention it again, being very persistent about what you wanted.

It's a quality he really adored about you, but in this case, he wished you wouldn't be so headstrong.

"They want to meet you, Aaron," you reminded him. "I don't understand why you're so hesitant."

There were a handful of reasons he could give you explaining why he was reluctant to meet the people you cared about, none of which would be good enough in your eyes. He has tried to dodge telling you them for months at this point. He would rather keep things as they are than potentially damage his relationship with you, but he was beginning to feel like avoiding the conversation was already doing that. Your consistency was getting harder to work against, and it was only a matter of time before you'd get frustrated and give up altogether.

"Baby, we can discuss this in the morning," he tried compromising, hoping it would be enough to hold you off a little longer.

You huffed in frustration. "No, you always do this. You deflect every time I bring it up, and I'm tired of it. Just tell me why you don't want to be seen in public with me."

"That's not what this is about—"

"How is it not?" you challenged. "I've tried to get you to spend time with me out of the house. To meet my friends and family, but you just won't do it."

He sat up, tiredly rubbing at his face. "It's embarrassing," he expressed. "That's why."

You weren't expecting that reason, and your heart sank quicker than you could formulate a response. "Oh... I-I didn't know you felt that way," you murmured, voice weak.

"Just thinking what people might say about me being with you makes me reluctant."

You blinked away the tears in your eyes, trying not to break down. "I get it. You don't have to explain yourself. Thank you for telling me."

He sighed in relief, and you were grateful that the limited amount of light hindered his ability to profile you. It would've been obvious that you were barely holding it together had he been able to read your body language and see how your lip trembled despite your teeth digging into the soft flesh.

"Let's go to bed," you suggested. "I know you're tired."

You continued to fight off your tears till you knew he was asleep, waiting for the steadying of his breath before letting out your sadness. It only took a few minutes for him to fall into a deep sleep, his hold on you loosening as his body relaxed completely. Staying next to him only made you feel worse about what he confessed, and you carefully slipped out of the sheets to go to the living room.

It felt like your heart had been ripped from your chest and stomped on repeatedly.

What about you was so bad that he was embarrassed to be seen with you? Did he think you weren't pretty enough? He had always combated your insecurities by preaching that society's standards didn't matter and that he loved you just the way you were, but this contradicted everything he ever said.

He had played a significant part in you feeling more comfortable in your skin and had taught you how to love yourself and all of the flaws you believed you had.

Now, all that time and effort was for nothing. Just a few careless and callous words reversing all of it.

You weren't sure how long it took to cry yourself asleep, but you woke up just a few hours later to Aaron's panicked voice floating down the stairs, his footsteps following soon after.

"Honey, what are you doing down here? I got worried when I woke up, and you weren't there," he said, sitting beside you. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I just couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to bother you," you half told the truth, offering him what you hoped to be a believable smile.

"You could never bother me," he whispered as he brushed some hair out of your face, getting a good look at you. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've been crying, baby."

He tugged you closer as he spoke, turning his body to where he was facing you directly. You shrugged in response, looking down at your lap as you tried not to let what he said get to you more than it already had.

"Hey, look at me," he pleaded. "What's wrong?"

You took a deep and shuddering breath, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. "I know I'm not perfect, and there's probably someone out there that would suit you way better than I ever could, but what you said really hurt my feelings, Aaron."

His expression shifted from worry to confusion, his brows cinching together tightly. "What are you talking about?"

"You saying you're embarrassed to be with me," you cried, not bothering to stop the heavy tears from slipping down your cheeks. "I wish you would've told me that sooner so I would've stopped nagging you about it. If that's how you feel, why are we even together?"

You are an idiot, Hotchner.

"Baby, no," he quickly denied. "That was not how I meant it, sweetheart. I could never be embarrassed by you."

You grimaced, pulling away. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not," he promised as he moved to kneel in front of you, holding your shaking hands in his own. "Listen to me; no part of me is embarrassed to be with you. I'm embarrassed about being so much older than you," he clarified. "Our relationship is unconventional as far as our age difference goes, and I would never want to subject you to being ridiculed for dating a man as old as I am. You are beautiful and young, and even I know I'm way over my head by being with you."

All you could do was stare at him, feeling so many different emotions while you processed his rambled explanation. You were relieved but also very confused that he could ever think that way.

"Don't say that," you pleaded. "I don't care what other people think. You always tell me that no one else's opinion matters to you but mine, and that's exactly how I feel. If someone decides it's 'wrong' for us to be together, that's their problem because being with you doesn't feel that way."

"Baby—"

"I'm not done yet," you said firmly, determined as ever for him to understand. "They all know about you. I always talk about you to my family and friends, and I've never been embarrassed about our age difference. They know, and they don't care."

He felt like an idiot. He should've known you wouldn't have set him (or yourself) up to experience embarrassment by blindsiding everyone. It wasn't bad that he was older than you, but he'd be naïve to think it wouldn't catch people off guard.

"Okay," he surrendered, leaning in for a quick kiss.

You hugged him tightly, nuzzling into his neck like you wished you could've been all night. "So... you'll meet them?"

He smiled at the hopefulness in your voice, pressing a kiss to your temple. "Yeah, baby. I'll meet them."

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner scenario #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner angst

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polyamorouspunk · 4 months

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Curious what your thoughts are on ppl being "obligate" polyam?

I ask because I've been debating if maybe I might be because I feel so in love with my gf rn, but... I still feel like I'm missing something. Like. She feels like a single flavor of food that I like. But, as much as I do I couldn't live off of just that one thing yk?

It scares me though, because she's explicitly monogamous, so I can't really go out and explore and try it out to see if it's for me without losing her. I don't really know what to do. Or how much longer I should stay still feeling like this. Or if I should just dismiss it as baseless anxiety and just let myself enjoy being with her.

I'm so scared to break her heart.

And like, how can I do this? How can I seriously be considering losing her just to try something I don't even know if I need or will even like.

It feels wrong, I love her this is stupid. But I just can't seem to dismiss it. I mean, I'm literally typing this in the middle of a New Years Eve party because I just can't get it out of my head.

I think what you’re calling “obligate” polyam is what I call “inherently” polyam, where, it’s like, I WILL fall in love or at least crush on other people and want to date them at the same time no matter what, it’s not a choice it’s just how I feel.

I started this blog as an outlet for my anger issues which I now realize probably stem from my bpd and just to talk about polyamory- correct the RAMPANT misinformation people were spreading, but also, to talk about the stuff no one else seemed to talk about. I’m really lucky that my polyam mutuals post about all the wonderful things about polyamory- the love, the amazing partners, the memes, etc. But that left me needing a space to talk about what I felt the most- shame.

I came out at 17 as polyam and it was awful. I was terrified I was going to lose my partner over it. I was filled with this awful feeling of being a horrible person for not “loving my partner enough” and so worried they were going to see it as them “not being good enough for me”. I mean I was seriously broken up about it.

But my partner took it in stride. We made it work. But I still felt this deep shame that ended up leading me to decide to be monogamous just for them after a while.

I even started dating my now-again-gf while dating my primary partner at the time, and although she literally dated me while I was dating someone else and quite literally knows I run this blog, I still haven’t re-brought-up the fact that I’m polyam, and that’s 100% hanging over my head, especially with how infatuated I am with someone else right now, though we’ve talked about that a little.

I’m really lucky I have people like @eevyerndracaneon and the people in my polyam discord server to talk openly about the shame and guilt that I still to this day feel about being polyam despite running one of the biggest polyamory blogs on this website.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s that monogamous people can be a lot more open-minded than you’d expect. I’ve never actually dated anyone polyam. All of my partners have been monogamous. And all of my monogamous partners have been fine with me dating other people while also dating them.

And a few years ago, my brother came out as polyam! And it was even harder for him than coming out as gay! And once again I was lucky enough to ride on the tailwind of him coming out first as the older one and also come out as polyam. Even my best friend and I have talked about dating and having an open relationship in the past.

It’s funny, and wild, how many polyamorous people you’ll meet out in the open once you come out too. My first semester in college, I was sitting in front of two older trans guys when I heard them talking about polyamory, and shyly I turned around and asked if they were polyam and they said yes, and they were the first polyam people I had met (that I know of).

Just a few months ago I was at a concert and sat next to a group of 3 people that were all really touchy and flirty, and since they were all really obvious about it I just asked if they were all dating and they explained their polycule to me and I was just like… me! That’s me! Me too! And they were SO happy to meet me back!

A lot of the other polyam blogs on here will tell you the same thing: it’s unrealistic to expect one person to fill every single want and need you have, and can put a lot of pressure on that person to do things they maybe aren’t comfortable with.

It’s not as unusual and shameful as you might think. It’s really all about conquering that inner polyphobia, which can be really hard, and is a process. Hell, I’m 24 now, and run this majorly successful polyam blog, and I’m STILL in my discord server like “guys idk how to tell my gf I’m polyam… again… uh… imma just not rn”.

Only you can decide what the best course of action for you is. I know I’ve lived fine with choosing monogamy and feeling like I’m missing out on some of my wants/needs as a sacrifice for a wholesome relationship I wanted to keep. A compromise, if you will. I also know that not coming out to my partner as polyam was eating me up inside at the time. And that when they did end our relationship and I was able to be with someone else I did realize things I was missing from that relationship and how GOOD it was to finally have those things.

Be optimistic. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, really, it’s that there’s more of us out there than you think, even if we go by different names, but also that monogamous people really can be open-minded and willing to share a partner.

#punk gets mail #polyamory #polyam #polyamorous

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dameronology · 2 years

Text

angel eyes (obi-wan)

summary: after order 66, obi-wan kenobi tried his very best to move on from you. it would be a shame if you were to ruin that. (obviously based on the abba song) - 2.8k words

warnings: language, kind of emotional infedelity?? and also angst. no kenobi spoilers tho.

it's 4.11am and i have been writing this for six hours. and truth be told i think i could do more with it but even more truther be tolder i am too sleep deprived to argue with myself. enjoy.

-jazz

Your relationship with Obi-Wan Kenobi had died with the Jedi Order.

The end of your relationship had been beautifully in sync with the start of your relationship, in the sense that it had been out of necessity and a little for your own soundness of mind. It was clear from the start that Kenobi was essential in your life if you wanted to stay sane. He was grounded and smart, which was a beautiful contrast to your haywire, rebellious ways. So you became friends. And then you found that being friends wasn't really an option, because you loved him and couldn't really live without him. You hadn't expected to find the love of your life in the very place that forbade such a thing, but you would come to learn that the universe wasn't really fair. Still though, it hadn't felt completely and entirely cruel when Obi-Wan affirmed that he felt the same way about you. Thus, triggering the beginning of the most intensely passionate and beautiful five years of your life.

Obi-Wan wasn't a man who did things by halves. In fact, he did them tenfold or he didn't do them at all. That meant that he absolutely carried you through the worst of times and the best of times. He made you feel things you hadn't thought possible: like heaven was right there in the Jedi Temple. Sneaking around and lying to the Council got a little difficult at times, but all it took was one look at him and you knew in your soul that it was worth it. All those whispered conversations of leaving the Order together and having a future, a real future, were the only thing that got you through the war. They'd been nothing but a fantasy at the time.

You still remembered how it felt to see him after Order 66. The comms systems had fallen completely and you had no clue if he was alive. It was too hard to concentrate and reach out over the Force. Those hours had been gruelling.

You'd seen Obi-Wan for the first time aboard Bail Organa's ship. You'd never seen him move so quickly; he took you up in his arms, pulled you into chest and just held you for a moment. Neither of you said anything. Neither of you had to. Amongst the grief and loss, you felt a sense of relief. It was hard to say you'd lost everything when you still had him.

At least you thought. Because by that point, it was beyond dangerous for two Jedi to stay together. There was a galaxy wide manhunt for every remaining knight but especially Obi-Wan. His leading part in this entire thing basically put a target on his back and that was enough danger for one person, let alone two. The Empire would have struck gold if they found you together.

Your only option - and the only way to survive - was to go your separate ways. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Mostly because a small part of you had hoped that those silly fantasies about a future together might finally pay off now that the Order was gone. But, like I said: the universe was cruel. Far crueller than you ever expected it to be.

The only thing that kept you going after your separation was his promise to you.

"I'll never love anyone the way I love you."

Obi-Wan was to go to Tatooine and you were to go Alderaan. Your names would be wiped from the records; you'd be given new identities, new stories, new everything. You owed Bail Organa your life for offering to help you out.

Saying goodbye hurt you in a way you couldn't quite explain. The first few weeks without him were even worst: you could no longer reach out to him when your nightmares sank in during the late hours. There were no blue eyes to open up to; no-one to say sweetheart, don't be stupid every time you were about to make an irrational decision. It was like you were two parts of a whole and now Obi-Wan was gone, the logical part of your mind had gone completely.

Maybe that was why you fell into bounty hunting. The danger and adrenaline wasn't that far off from your days as a Jedi. It paid well and no-one hunting the Jedi would ever think to look in the dingy bars and cantinas of downtown Alderaan. It worked in a way you hadn't expected. Not enough to make you feel as whole as you had at the Temple with Obi-Wan, but just enough so that you could feel yourself moving on.

Obi-Wan's words rung through your brain every night for the next five years. I'll never love anyone the way I love you.

Time passed and you had flings here and there; a few dates that a mutual friend set you up, a brief dalliance with a fellow bounty hunter, yada, yada, yada. None it counted for anything. It was all a desperate attempt to find a connection again. There came a point where it felt like your ability to love another person lived and died with Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Five years after the fall of the Galactic Republic, you took a job in Tatooine. There was a complete disconnect in your mind between the desert planet and Obi-Wan living there. Hell, you didn't know if he was still there. You didn't even know if he was still alive. It had been a good two years since you’d had any updates from him. The Organas had made a point of updating you at first, but that had faded along with your contact with them. Reminders of your former life weren’t what you needed anymore.

Tatooine was dry. It was dusty and it was sandy and it was fucking dry. There was no guarantee that the quarry you were after was even there. Mos Eisley wasn’t exactly a small spaceport; it was packed with different shops and stalls and clustered with people. That made it the least ideal place to try and hunt someone down.

You elbowed your way through the crowds in the main square, eyes peeled for the quarry. Your hood was up around your head - half to protect you from the sun, but also half to hide your face. There had been whispers over the last few weeks of an Empire presence here. Even though Jabba the Hutt apparently ruled the place, it wasn’t completely unheard of for the Imps to be sniffing around everywhere.

Hooking a right, you turned the corner from the main square and into one of the smaller streets. You almost instantly collided with a girl; you let out an oof! as you fell on your ass, a cloud of dust evaporating around your form as you hit the ground. She took a step back and held out her hand.

“I am so sorry!” she exclaimed.

“No, it’s my fault-”

“- oh, darling. Are you running into people again?”

You froze. You actually fucking froze. That was a voice you would have recognised anywhere - even more so because he’d said that phrase to you a thousand times before. It was always oh darling, are you running into people again? or how did you not see the wall, my love? or just…something about how fucking clumsy you were. Obi-Wan had found it endearing.

You heard his voice and then his face came into view. He didn’t look that different - his hair was a little longer and his beard more jagged, but his blue eyes caught yours and immediately you knew it was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Undeniable and in the flesh. Calling another person sweetheart. He took a step towards her and put an arm on her waist, hand resting on her hip. That was how he used to hold you. Fucking ouch.

He hadn’t noticed you. Not yet.

“Oh hush, Ben,” she smiled, and then looked back at you. “I am genuinely sorry. You’re not hurt, are you?”

Not physically. Haha.

“No, not at all,” you cleared your throat.

Obi-Wan glanced from the girl and towards you - then you shared the same look. It was like seeing a ghost from his past. Actually, you were a ghost from his past. He’d tried so hard for so long to shove you to the back of his mind and move on. It was only in the last few years that he’d succeeded. He should have known that you were going to turn up out of nowhere and blow everything apart. You’d done it once before. Why not again?

He didn’t know what to say. That was ironic, because he’d spent hours laying awake at night thinking about the speech he would give you if you ever turned up again. It was gone now. And so it seemed had his ability to speak.

Neither of you knew how to play it. Did you pretend you were strangers, for the sake of the girl in front of you? The girl, who in your opinion, looked at him a little too much like you used to. With some kind of admiration and hope. Like Obi-Wan Kenobi hung the stars in the sky and wrote out the constellations just for you. To her, it seemed he was Ben. You didn’t who the fuck Ben was. Moreso, you didn’t know who the fuck this girl was.

“Ben, is it?” you asked. Okay, you were going with playing dumb. “Are you guys locals?”

“I am!” the girl piped up. “Born and raised, sadly. Ben here moved to the port a few years ago. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

“I’m…here on business,” you trailed off. “I’m just looking for a hotel, actually. It’s getting dark and I don’t fancy staying on my ship all night. If you guys could just give me directions, I’ll be on my way and-”

You didn’t want to be on your way. You had a thousand questions to ask; some about Kenobi, some about the relationship he seemingly had with this girl. Neither of those things were your business. Your relationship with him had ended half a decade ago. It was just that promise of I’ll never love anyone like I love you that rang through your head. It would have been easier to believe he didn’t look at her the same fucking way he once looked at you.

“The hotels here are extortionate,” she said. “Ben has a spare room. He’s always letting travellers crash there. I’m sure he won’t mind if you stay the night.”

Spoiler alert: he did mind. And you minded too. You minded even more than his name was seemingly Ben now. You knew it mostly for safety, so that the Imps couldn’t find him, but he was always Obi-Wan in your mind. Nothing would ever change that.

“It’s okay,” you insisted. “I really don’t mind paying. Besides, I’m just a stranger and-”

“- nonsense!” she cut you off. “You don’t seem like an axe murderer.”

To Obi-Wan, you were arguably much worse than an axe murderer.

“Uh,” he stuttered. He couldn’t say no - the girl clearly had him wrapped around her finger. “I don’t see why not.”

You gave him a look that said think, Kenobi. Think of a single fucking reason.

Still, he had nothing.

“Great,” you murmured.

The girl leant down and picked up the bags that you’d dropped earlier. She was nice. Too nice. Not only did that make it harder to dislike her, but it made you think that things between them must have been boring. Your entire relationship with Obi-Wan had been built on the fact that you were chaotic as fuck and he was the calm one. You’d ruined his life in the best way.

—

You spent the rest of the afternoon traipsing after the couple through the Mos Eisley markets. They were together - you could decipher that much. The girl seemed grabbier than him but you couldn’t decipher if it was always that way, or if Obi-Wan was just playing it down because you were there.

It killed both of you not being able to talk about the things you needed, or to say the things you needed to. There was so much unspoken tension in the air and it was a surprise that his lover hadn’t picked up on it. She seemed completely clueless, from the minute she invited you to stay in his spare room, to the minute she kissed him goodbye and retired back to her own house for the night.

That left you and Kenobi in his converted cave, sat in silence until the door slammed shut and you both jumped into action. Naturally, you were the first to speak.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“I could ask you the same,” Obi-Wan shot back. “What are you doing here?”

“I wasn’t lying earlier when I said I was on business,” you said. “I followed a bounty here. I didn’t expect to run into you. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if you were alive.”

“I am - just about,” he murmured. “I could say the same for you.”

“I wouldn’t call this just about,” you replied, glancing around. “Obi-Wan, who is Ben?”

“Ben is the name I took upon arriving here,” he explained. “Obi-Wan Kenobi is no more. He’s dead. He had to die.”

“He’s not dead,” you shook your head. “I’m looking right at him, aren’t I?”

“Not quite.”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” you scoffed. “I recognised you straight away. I can see it in your eyes - the way you look around when you think you see danger, that inquisitive glance towards the crowds, the way you hold yourself. You can change your name all you want but nothing will change the fact that you are Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“You haven’t changed one bit.”

“You have, though,” you muttered. “With your new house, and job, and girlfriend-”

“- don’t be like that,” Obi-Wan cut you off. “I had to make a life for myself here. I didn’t know what I’d see you again-”

“- I’m not being like anything,” you rolled your eyes. “I just…do you remember that last promise you made to me before we broke up?”

He nodded. “Clear as day. I promised you that I would never love someone as much as I love you - and I’ve kept that promise.”

“I don’t think you have,” you shook your head. “I’ve seen the way you look at her. You love her. I’m not fucking blind.”

Obi-Wan stood up and crossed the room to where you were standing. It felt weird to be near you again. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug you; it’s what he’d been craving for yours. Not just someone’s touch, but your touch. You’d been a pillar in his life and now that you were gone, he’d felt everything crumbling down to the very core.

“Maybe some part of me was just hoping that you’d wait for me,” you murmured. “I know it’s ridiculous. I just think that you might be the very best thing that ever happened to me and even when you’re gone, I’m still foolish enough to cling onto hope.”

“It was circumstantial,” he began. “She lives three doors down. We met and we got on and it made sense for us to start dating. You can see that my life here is a little lacklustre. I thought it might bring excitement.”

“Did it?”

Obi shook his head. “Not in the slightest. She’s nice but she doesn’t get me the way you did. I don’t think anyone ever will - so I might look at her with affection but I can assure you that I will never love anyone the way I love you.”

Love. In the present tense. Not the past. The Jedi were in the past. The Republic was in the past. Everything was in the past. But seemingly, not his love for you, nor your love for him. It might have been dormant for a while but it was bright as day now you were together.

“I’ve spent the last five years chasing a feeling that I can only get with you,” he continued. “Whatever mixture of stress, excitement and terror that may be.”

“Me too,” you said. “Moving on is hard.”

“It is insufferable,” Obi-Wan replied. He took your hands, thumbs ghosting over the back of your palm. “But you have to understand, my love, that moving on is sometimes not a choice so much it is a necessity.”

“I know,” you murmured. “It’s still not safe for us to be together, is it?”

“It’s not,” he confirmed. “And even if it was, what we had is no more. I will undoubtedly take your love with me into the future but our relationship belongs in the past.”

“Right,” you nodded. “Right person, wrong time, I guess.”

“No, not at all - you’re the right person. All the time.”

tags: @hellotherekenobi @frampuccino @currentlysobbingtofortiesmusic

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invisible-storyteller · 20 days

Text

Happy Birthday, Mieczyslaw

Stiles & Claudia (~850 words, gen) Written for @teenwolfrarepairevents April Character of the Month: Stiles Stilinski

“Hey, Mieczyslaw.”

Claudia's smile was worn out and nervous on the TV screen, her messy ponytail and sleep-thirsty eyes depicting a woman who had just returned from a strenuous battle. The excited tapping of her fingers was almost disharmonious with her weary complexion, but the slight accent with which she spoke revealed her exhaustion-mixed anticipation. She looked absolutely beautiful, and so tragically young.

She had been around Stiles’s age when this message was recorded. It was on the night his parents had taken him home from the hospital 30 years ago, but no one had remembered until they had found the tape among her old stuff while the sheriff was preparing to sell the house.

Stiles had forgotten how her voice had sounded without the burden of fear and sickness.

“You must be wondering: Damn, who the fuck is this woman? And okay, I might not have so many wrinkles now - although you did give me a few already -, but I'm not that old, young man, so don't get fresh with me!”

Stiles scoffed, almost not remembering how his mother used to be. Before.

“Anyway, Natalie gave me this sort of idea to create a time capsule, so here I am! Talking to you! Well, actually, talking to myself, 'cause there's no one else here.” Stiles couldn't help but laugh at that. “Hopefully, we’re watching this together.” His smile dimmed instantly. “I like to think that we’ll always have a good relationship, and that in twenty or thirty or whatever years, we’ll be laughing over how awkward and ugly I am on this video, and that I can scold you for calling me ‘ugly’ and say that you’re one to talk, you took after me.”

The image his mother had painted was bittersweet, and Stiles wasn’t sure he had been right in requesting he watched the video alone. But he wanted to cherish everything about her, just the way the camera had captured her, on the day she had become his mother.

“I guess I should talk about how I imagine you as a grown man, but I'll be honest, lisek, I don’t have a single clue.” Claudia laughed a bit self-consciously. “I’m just as young as you are, and I know that I can’t expect you to have it all figured out by the time you turn 20 or even 30. You can be so many things still, and the last thing I want for this message to be is some kind of a manual about what I want you to be. I want you to be nothing but what you already are, Mieczyslaw! Funny and stubborn - because you must have inherited those traits from me - and loyal and smart like your dad. I even bet you're braver than you think, and don’t argue with me, lisek, I’m your mother. I know better than you.”

A chuckle bubbled up from Stiles as he wiped at the salty traces of tears with his sleeve. He had missed out on his mother’s discipline as a teenager, and it was comforting if alien to experience it in 30 years' distance.

“I probably tell you this all the time, but I’m proud of you.” Here Stiles’s heart twisted painfully in his chest. “I hope that you’re happy. That there are people that you love with all your heart and that there are people who love you back just as much. I hope that you see the good in yourself, and I hope that you know that things can always change. And keep this in mind, lisek: no matter where you are in life, I'll be there with you. Always.”

Stiles gave a small nod that his mother could no longer see, and ached a little more for her to be here. To see him now. To know that Stiles was better than he used to be. That he wasn't that loud, unruly, annoying kid that drove his parents mad. That he wasn't that kid anymore who his mother ran from into certain death.

He wished she was here.

"Oh, somebody's up," He heard his mother sigh heavily on the screen as the raucous sound of crying pierced through the silence. "You're a lot to handle, you know, lisek?"

Stiles cast his eyes downwards.

“But I wouldn't change a thing about you. I love you, my little Mieczyslaw,” His mother said, and Stiles looked up in time to catch her blowing a kiss to the camera, “Kocham cię. Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

The video ended with a man's desperate shout for her wife in the distance and Claudia Stilinski rolled her eyes fondly as she went to turn the recording off. That was it.

Stiles sat there for a while, swallowing his sobs, before restarting the video. Halfway through the second watch, a hand landed gently on his shoulder and soft lips planted a kiss on the top of his head - a helpful reminder that he wasn't alone.

“Are you okay?”

Stiles silently sniffled for a bit, and then, with a tentative smile on his lips, nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

And he meant it.

#stiles stilinski #twrp character of the month #original: teen wolf fanfic #stilinski family feels

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bubblegumfrosting · 2 years

Text

Like A Sister

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

Type: angst than fluff

Summary: Y/n has liked Sam for awhile but due to their age gap Sam only sees Y/n as a younger sister. One thing leads to another and results in Y/n making a tearful confession.

Warnings: Age gap (3 years), mentions of injuries, cursing, and Dean’s shenanigans

A/n: hi! this is the first fan fiction i’ve written in a long time! i hope you enjoy it and if you have any tips for writing please feel free to dm <33

POV: First Person

I met Sam Winchester my freshman year of college. Since childhood I never had any “real” friends. No matter how extroverted or kind I was to people they always found me annoying. I wasn’t expecting much going into college, I was use to being alone.

So like any outcast I found myself sitting alone at my first “real party”, that is until Sam’s girlfriend at that time Jessica waved me over. I was shocked to meet someone as kind as Jess, she welcomed me to Stanford with open arms. When she introduced me to Sam there was an instant connection. The three of us spent the whole night joking and getting tipsy (ignore my underage shenanigans).

I learned they were going into their senior year and Sam was planning on becoming a lawyer. Personally I never knew what I wanted to do in life, so my major was well undecided. After the party I stayed in touch with Jess and Sam. My college experience was honestly pretty good, everything seemed to be going well for me for once in my life.

In the middle of the school year Sam needed to go on a “hunting trip”. Because of his absence I got to sleep over at their dorm, which was much nicer than mine.

The night Sam returned I was far too tired to go back to my room so I just stayed over. That’s the night it happened, when my world changed. My best friend was on the ceiling in flames, I had to be dragged out by Sam’s older brother Dean because I refused to leave her. Sam mentioned going on a road trip after the accident and I told him I wanted to go. There was no longer anything left for me there at college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and how could someone go back into society after witnessing something so terrifying. It took a lot of convincing Sam and than Sam convincing Dean to let me come with them but eventually I got my way.

That year I learned the truth, the truth about what’s in the dark. I became a hunter, and a pretty good one might I add. Due to my age the brothers baby me all the time, I’ve never minded it, that is until Sam said I was like their little sister. Hearing him say that made my heart ache. I’ve liked Sam for a awhile, I never mentioned it because he was in a relationship and then well grieving the loss of that relationship. There was never a right time to “confess my feelings”. So here I am hopelessly devoted to someone who sees me as a child and also here I am using myself as bait to catch a blood thirsty vampire.

“Come on! I’m over here, I know you want a bite outta this!”, I yelled out into the empty ware house.

POV: 3rd Person

Sam was very much against the idea of using you as bait but since this vampire only went after girls he really didn’t have a choice did he?

“Dean, shouldn’t we be closer, you know if something goes wrong?”, Sam spoke while him and Dean hid behind a pillar machetes in hand.

“Dude calm your panties, your little girlfriend is going to be fine”, the eldest said smugly.

“Ew! Dean don’t say stuff like that, she’s like …like..my little sister!”, Sam scoffed.

“If you look at your siblings the way you look at her than I don’t think I’m comfortable being your brother Sammy.”, Dean pats his younger brothers back.

“Whatever, let’s focus okay.”, Sam ended the conversation and the two waited.

Sam couldn’t explain what he was feeling, he was confused by what Dean said but than again he knew his brother was right. Sam has always cared for you but these past few months his feelings grew. He found himself staring at you when you weren’t looking and constantly worrying about whether you were safe or not.

“God! Are you ever gonna come out or what you bitch!”, you screamed getting a little antsy.

Suddenly a man popped out from the dark and swiftly knocked you to the ground. You felt your head hit the cement and blood trickled down your face, “Who are you calling a bitch..bitch?”. The man revealed his razor sharp teeth and lunged on top of you.

“God, when was the last time you seen a dentist?”, you yelled.

“Dean now!”, Sam exclaimed and the two brothers sprinted towards the action. In an instant the once “alive” vampire was laying on top of you headless.

“I’m going to puke”, you pushed the body off yours and Sam helped you off the ground.

Sam had a worried expression on his face, “Hey hey hey, are you okay, does anything hurt? Did you hit your head? How many fingers am I holding up?“, he held up three fingers.

“Ten”, you said jokingly, “I’m okay Sam I promise, I definitely thought I was a goner though”.

“We thought about leaving you but Sam decided against it.”, Dean said wrapping an arm around your shoulders and the three of you walked out of the ware house.

When you arrived at the motel Sam insisted to check the cut on your head while Dean went out to get a beer.

“This needs stitches Y/n.”, he sighed and got out the first aid kit. “Sit on the bed.”.

“No please! I’m fine! I promise, I don’t need stitches”, you look into his eyes and pout. Sam turned his head away to hide the fact he was blushing.

“Sit, now.”, he said sternly and you did as you were told. He sat beside you and grabbed the belt laying on the bedside table. “It will be over in an instant, here bite down on this.”. You bit down and closed your eyes. The only thing you could taste was leather mixed with tears.

After what seemed to be a life time, the stitch work was done. Sam gently took the belt from your mouth and you opened your eyes. You wiped the tears from your face looked down, “No wonder you see me as a baby, I cry over a little cut.”.

“Who ever said I see you as a baby”, Sam questioned and you looked back up.

“You did genius, you said I was “like your little sister”.”, you got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom, Sam follows close behind.

“Well I guess it’s just because your so much younger than me and-“, Sam started.

You turned to face him, “Thanks for reminding me, it’s not like I think about it everyday! Think about how maybe if I was older-.”, you paused, “Never mind, sorry forget I said anything.”, you brush past him but he grabs your wrist and you turn back towards him.

“Maybe if you were older what?”, he asked as his eyes melted you under their gaze.

“Are you really going to make me do this?”, he looked at you with a pleading face. “Fine, I..I like you. Fuck! I don’t just like you Sam I love you.”, your eyes go blurry due to tears forming and you can’t even see what Sam’s expression was so you just kept talking. “I’ve always loved you and everyday I’m reminded that you could never feel the same way because I’m some stupid kid, some burden you have to worry about-“. Before you could finish Sam stepped towards you with urgency and cupped your face pulling you in to meet his lips with yours . After a couple seconds you both pulled away and he wiped your tears with his thumb.

“Never call yourself a burden Y/n, you are the most kindest, loving person I know and I’m sorry I didn’t know this sooner but I love you, I truly love you.”, you looked into his eyes and smiled as you pulled him in for another kiss.

“Finally god damn!”, Dean sat on the motel bed kicking off his shoes. Sam and you turned in shock to see him sitting there. “I’m so happy I won’t have to deal with the both of you eye fucking each other anymore.”.

“How long have you been here?!”, you exclaimed.

“I don’t know, like the whole time.”, Dean cheekily smiled and turned on the tv.

You looked back at Sam and smiled, “I never thought you’d feel the same way.”.

Sam brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, “Well I never thought Dean would be right about something but here we are.”, he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Ay! I’m still here, stop the smooching!”, Dean said dramatically.

The three of you laughed, and everything was perfect.

#sam winchester #dean winchester #sam x y/n #sam x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x y/n #sam x you #sam winchester x you #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x y/n #supernatural fanfiction

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blues824 · 2 years

Note

i was just watching the movie tangled, and i couldn't help but realise how similar flynn and mammon are (if you look it up, they both have the same mbti of estp, which explains their similarities lmao). but i was wondering if you could do the om brothers with an mc like rapunzel (magical and long hair, personality, etc)? thank you, if so! <3

Fun fact: When I was younger, I didn’t watch a lot of Disney. I was more into Tim Burton films, and I still am! My Disney obsession only started a few years ago, and when a few Tim Burton films came onto Disney+, I couldn’t help myself.

Also, I took a few liberties and decided to do a mini-fantasy!Au here where the brothers act as the thief/Flynn, but with a twist for each brother. Another thing, Satan here reminds me of the prince from Into The Woods…

Since these scenarios turned out to be longer than originally planned, I will give you the three brothers I think fit best with this.

He was just trying to steal something for Prince Diavolo. You see, the crown had a gem that could save the lives of their people. He saw the tower as he was being chased by the Royal Guard and hid in there. Then he was hit with something made of metal.

When he came to, he noticed that he was stuck in a chair. He was tied down with what looked like… hair? He looked around and saw a silhouette in the tower’s window. There was also a chameleon that was perched on his shoulder. Now that he thought about it, his ear felt weird.

“Who are you, and how did you find me?”

Lucifer

“My name is Lucifer. Might I ask who you are and why I’m tied up?”

“Y/N. You didn’t answer my other question: How did you find me?”

“I was being chased and found this tower. I decided to climb in and hide.”

“You don’t want my- You know what? Never mind. You’re tied up because you are a trespasser and I don’t know who you are.”

First impressions aside, you actually get along just fine. You both worked out a deal where you would return the crown in turn to see the lanterns. He is slightly amused by how gullible you are and how you try to hide it. You try your best to break his walls down and get him to be more casual.

He’s glad that you don’t partake in the whole “damsel in distress” stereotype. If the whole frying pan situation didn’t give it away, you are quite different. You utilize what tools you have in order to survive, and he respects that.

The amount of times you turned a dire situation into a fun experience is too many to count. Usually, people as bright as you would dim in such gruesome places. No, you wouldn’t let that happen to yourself. You would stick to your principles no matter what.

You tend to see the beauty inside of everything. You won’t let anything get you down or defeat you. When Lucifer was in your tower, he saw how you maximized all of the space you had by filling the walls with your art. You also picked up many hobbies and could be described as ‘book-smart’.

When you both make it to the lanterns, he’s sad because this means you both would have to leave each other. But he would never admit it. He stares into your eyes as you both lean in closer and closer, but in the distance, he sees something.

He rowed the boat to the shore to see what was going on. He sees some of the demons that he partnered up with to steal the crown and goes over to give it to them. He was prepared for an ambush and had his dagger in hand. These demons showed such great promise in Diavolo’s court… such a pity.

What he didn’t expect was for you to be gone when he got back to the boat. He looked all over the island, getting more and more worried as more time passed and he still didn’t find you. You couldn’t have gone that far, could you?

Then he remembers: your mother. She must have taken you back to your tower! He started the long journey back to your tower on Maximus, who was also worried about your wellbeing. What took a few days the first time took maybe an hour.

When he was at the base of the tall building, he called your name. He received no answer and started climbing. He got to the window and dropped in, where he saw you tied up with your own hair. He was then stabbed by your mother.

After the whole ordeal of Lucifer cutting your hair and your hair causing your ‘mom’ to trip and fall out of the window, you noticed that his breathing was becoming labored. You knelt by his side and tried using your hair, but the magic was gone. You started crying and crying. You loved him. You grew to love him.

Then, with the magic that remained in your tears, Lucifer’s wound started to heal. Once it fully healed, he pulled you into a sweet kiss. The amount of relief you felt was immeasurable. Then you both realized what you had to do.

You, after reconnecting with your parents, talked to Prince Diavolo. He was the ‘acting King’, so he would have jurisdiction over the court. You told him that marriage between you and Lucifer would benefit both kingdoms, and Diavolo was all for it. He wanted to see his trusted advisor happily wed, so he granted your wish and let you both live happily ever after.

Mammon

“Who the hell are you? And why am I tied up?!”

“Answer my question or face the consequences, thief.”

“I am the Great Mammon. I was being chased and I found this tower and decided to hide here.”

“I am Y/N, and you’re tied up because I don’t trust you. Now, here’s what’s going to happen…”

He found this totally unfair! You just caught him off-guard! You had an unfair advantage! Now he has to take you to go see some stupid lanterns just so he can take the crown to Diavolo and get a big reward. If you just gave it to him, you both could go separate ways and never see each other again.

I’d say he’s also glad that you can handle yourself. You are actually saving him more than he saves you, so yeah. He’s concerned with how gullible you are. Y/N, don’t you know you could get hurt if you’re persuaded so easily?!

However, he likes how you can brighten up any situation. In the pub, you were able to convince all the demons inside to chase their dreams. They even helped you both escape the Royal Guard! Maybe you weren’t so bad after all!

He has noticed how you see beauty in the simplest of things. When in your tower, he saw all the paintings on your walls. You seemed to be obsessed with the lanterns. Through your hobbies, you have saved him and yourself numerous times.

He gets stressed when you both get to the lanterns. He will make up every excuse to stall and spend more time with you. You see, he grew to love you and he didn’t want to go separate ways after this. When the lanterns were released, you both leaned closer and closer, but he saw something in the distance.

He rowed the boat to the shore and told you to stay where you were. He gave the crown to the demons he worked with and called quits, but they said differently. He was ambushed and tied to a boat and headed towards the island where the Royal Guard was expecting him.

When he came to, he was arrested on sight. He was being walked through the prison when he noticed a few of the demons that ambushed him were also there. He pushed up against the gate and yelled at them, demanding your whereabouts. They fessed up, and he immediately grew worried.

When the demons in the pub and Maximus helped him escape jail, he immediately mounted the horse and rushed to your tower. That was the only place he knew you’d be, and he was going as fast as he could.

When he was at your tower, he called your name. After receiving no response, he opted to climb. He got to the window and jumped inside, where he saw you tied up. Then, there was an immediate stabbing pain in his stomach and he fell to the ground, writhing in pain.

After the whole ordeal of Mammon cutting your hair and your hair causing your ‘mom’ to trip and fall out of the window, you noticed that his breathing got slower and harder. You started crying. This was the first person you ever fell in love with, and you were not about to lose him.

With your magical tears, Mammon’s wound started healing. Once it closed, Mammon looked up at you and pulled you into a kiss of gratitude and relief. Once you both pulled away, you both knew the next course of action.

You talked with your birth parents (you were still the heir to the throne) and with Prince Diavolo about the matter of you two being wed. Your parents immediately accepted after seeing how he made you happy as well as him being the one to bring you home. Diavolo said yes because he wanted to party at the wedding, but also because Mammon matured through this journey.

And you both lived happily ever after.

Satan

“My lady, my name is Satan. I was being chased and found this tower and made the decision to climb into it. May I ask for your name and why I’m tied up?”

“My name is Y/N. Now, imagine someone breaks into your house and you don’t know them, but you have the element of surprise. Wouldn’t you take that opportunity?”

“Touche. Now, would you care to let me out of these confines?”

“Not yet. I have a few conditions…”

Well this was certainly not expected. You were threatening him to take you to go see some lanterns? Didn’t you know they come out every year for the heir’s’ birthd- oh. He had never pieced pieces together so fast. And you didn’t know?!

He’s always wanted to be the one to save the person in distress, but he finds it cool that you can handle yourself. You both share the work that comes along the way, and you both come to the unspoken understanding that you both have had many opportunities to stab each other in the back but you both have invested too much time and effort into this.

He would be both concerned and amused by how gullible you appear. But he’s also impressed with how you use that to your advantage somehow and you make a dire situation appear more bright. You’ve changed many lives and you didn’t even know it!

He guesses that being locked in a tower for 18 years might induce your creativity. He’s seen the art on the walls of your towers during his brief stay there. Plus, you weaponized a frying pan. You’re very clever, and he appreciates that.

He is deeply saddened by how ‘quick’ you both made it to the kingdom of Corona. That means you both will have to separate. Don’t you know his dream isn’t complete without you? When you get into the midst of all the lanterns, he leans in closer and closer until he sees something suspicious on the land.

He rows the boat to the shore and starts exploring. He had his dagger out when he was ambushed by the demons he partnered up with to get the crown, so he was prepared. He anticipated their every move, so it was an easy win for him.

What he didn’t anticipate was your disappearance. He came back to the boat and you weren’t there. He did see another set of footprints in the dirt, though… your mother was here. How else would the demons have known your location?

The person that kept you locked up in the tower for 18 years was taking you back? Not on his watch. There was no way he was going to let her take you away from him, or from your actual parents again. He called Maximus and rode like a bat from Hell to your tower.

Once he reached it, he called out your name, but he received no answer. He resorted to climbing up the tower, and when he reached the room, he was stabbed immediately. On his way to the floor, he saw you tied up

After the whole ordeal of Satan cutting your hair and your hair causing your ‘mom’ to trip and fall out of the window, you noticed that his breathing became labored. You knelt by his side and tried using your hair, but the magic was gone. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! You wanted to see the lanterns with him again and again!

As more and more tears spilled from your eyes onto him, you noticed that Satan’s wound started healing. You have never felt so happy in your life. When he could sit up, he pulled you into a deep kiss. When you both pulled away, you both looked at each other in mutual agreement.

After reconnecting with your actual parents, you brought up how you wanted to be married to Satan and they agreed to allow it. After all, he brought their child to them! Then you both approached Prince Diavolo and asked him for his blessing as well and he gladly accepted! The amount of joy on your faces was enough to persuade him.

And you both lived happily ever after.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me!#obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #mammon #obey me satan x reader #obey me satan #satan x reader #satan

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pocketramblr · 1 year

Text

Wipmas Day 1

From “the leverage au wip”

En looked over the footage, frowning. "The plate is going to be useless."

"You expected a terrorist group to use legally acquired and registered vehicles?" The man currently testing the gear from Sorahiko snorted. "First mistake, Rookie."

"I didn't expect them to work." En huffed. Plates didn't work half the time, the police and government had far more things to worry about them that, and certainly reaped the benefits where normal civilians struggled to maintain normality. So no, En hadn't expected it to work at all. It was that it just would have been nice, if for once, the universe decided to give him anything less than backbreaking work. Well, metaphorically backbreaking.

"Then why waste breath complaining?" Mecha asked.

"Like I said, he's a rookie."

"’He’ has been doing this for twelve years." En snapped. "Why am I even working with you people?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Mecha's friend answered anyway.

"Because we're being paid more than our weight in gold, and get the bonus satisfaction of pissing off All For One more than we could ever dream of doing alone." He recited, the exact terms of the deal. "Which, Mech, I actually value more."

"Because you are far more bitter than your soft and squishy outside." Mecha tied a black bandana around his head.

En didn't really see how any part of this man was supposed to look soft- not the spiky hair, not the stiff wide shoulders, not the fact that he still hadn't introduced himself to En despite getting there ten minutes ago with Mecha.

Not that En needed an introduction to know his identities (or at least, four of them,) but it would have at least been common decency.

"Which is why nothing else but spiting that old bastard could convince me to work with anyone else again." Tomosu Rikiji, aka Chief but En wasn’t going to call him that just because Mecha, aka Shishiga Kuwaru, did.

"And I bet this "Mastermind" knew that too." Mecha jibed.

En hid a smile in his collar.

Mecha was right. Tomosu was too.

He couldn't wait to see the look on All For One's face when he realized what happened.

He'd make sure to get a camera and two or three servers saving it live, since it wasn't likely to survive the subsequent explosion.

Speaking of camera, he clicked through to the audio the bug tacked to the fire hydrant near the had picked up. En couldn't get an ID on the man who'd tackled the younger brother with that mask on, but apparently the man on the ground knew him.

He opened another window and did a search for "Noriyuki" and "Yari."

Apparently, Noriyuki Jin was one of the suspects for the killing of two politicians, a post worker, a substitute teacher, a child, and three secretaries in Yari Post Office, which really seemed to be more a cover or distraction from a theft of over a hundred thousand yen.

After looking through a few other of Noriyuki's aliases and work, En wasn't sure why he wasn't the prime suspect, but police incompetence wasn't his job to figure out.

Just to circumvent.

"Hey... Either of you ever heard of the Mountain Dog?" En spoke up. "Aliases: Noriyuki Jin, Ohito Kai, and Gi-"

"Why?" Mecha demanded, tone even shorter than it had been the whole night.

"Because he was with All For One at his last seen location and personally dragged that government hostage guy away. Might make trouble for us."

"I can take him." Mecha growled.

"Mech, it wasn't-"

"I’ll take him." Mecha interrupted Tomosu. Will, not can. "You focus on retrieval and demolition, Chief."

Tomosu just sighed, but nodded. "What do you mean, government hostage?"

"I tried to ID the guy they took, Shigaraki Yoichi, age 28, and tripped so many flags I almost had to nuke that computer." En checked how much longer it would take his crawlers to complete the security mapping. Five minutes. "They've arrested him twice without any real charges, and sent some very classified messages with All For One about it. Either he used the government to hold and protect one of his assets away from his creepy little cult, or he defected and was going to sell All For One out under that cover.”

"Or, he was an asset taken because the government wanted to parlay." Tomosu added.

Mecha lifted a brow. "Why would they do that? And then why would they let him get taken back?”

"Could have been he had a mole watching out for that. What else can you tell us about this Shigaraki?”

"It's his legit identity, but everything around him has been scrubbed clean. Parents, family members, most of that neighborhood... Either the gov took the rest of them, or AfO killed them. I could probably figure out which with, oh, another server and a few days to check backdoors."

"So long?" Tomosu asked, then chuckled at En's face. "Kidding. Now, when was he taken by the Dog and his handler?"

"Nine days ago."

Mecha let out some air. "So he's dead."

"Probably." Tomosu agreed. "But he was an important asset?"

En thought back over the dialogue he'd listened too. "Important enough to possibly know All For One's real name and to get an offer to share everything with him. The whole thing sounded like an awful adoption offer, or a marriage proposal, or something."

Both older men were silent, and when En looked up at them, they were glancing between him and each other.

Finally Tomosu spoke. "Exactly what kind of messed up adoption offers are you hearing that sound like marriage proposals?"

En rolled his eyes and went back to his computer.

"Four minutes, Nana, Sorahiko. Where are my keys?"

#wipmas #my writing

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catsandgoodbooks · 2 months

Text

20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @bleue-flora (I am sorry it took so long it's been like a month I was procrastinating)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22, because my brain hates to stay focused on one idea at a time and I just have to make everything worse. I've got a lot more half-formed ideas and three-paragraph beginnings of fanfiction too <3

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

124,920 - that's...a lot. And it's only been about a year, so yay!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Dream SMP. I'm lurking in a couple other fandoms (mostly the Locked Tomb and Dragon Age), but I haven't written anything for those yet.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Off the Planned Course

Not that surprising because it's one of the fics I've been writing the longest, is the longest of my actual stories (so not counting Whumptober stuff), and it also has the most people reading it (I blame including the Syndicate for that). It's probably my favorite too, so the validation is really nice (even if I keep getting writer-blocked by it).

2. Unfortunate Circumstances

Also one of the long ones, so it makes sense that it's on this list. Also, literally the second Dream SMP fic idea I ever had, so it's great that it's still going.

3. Easier Said Than Done

This one I kind of feel bad about - I decided to change a few details a while ago and I'm still not done with editing the old stuff so I can start on new chapters, so I really haven't been writing much for it recently (i.e in the past six months). Maybe this will get me to work on it again but I wouldn't hold out hope. It's not abandoned, but it's still basically on hiatus.

4. Shared Scars

I really like this one, but I didn't really expect anyone would read it because it was just a random AU with no basis in canon about two side characters, y'know? It's just really fun to write.

5. Dive Deep Into The Dark

This one is the one that surprised me, because it's just a collection of Whumptober oneshots that I wrote in like an hour each. But, hey, apparently people liked that, so yay?

5. Do you reply to comments? Why or why not?

Whenever I can, because they're taking the time out of their day to read my stuff and going the extra step of leaving a comment, and because I just like talking about my stories and stuff <3

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Okay, this and the next question are kind of difficult because I am allergic to finishing anything, ever, and that means I have to stick to oneshots, but I'd say either everything I've ever written for a Whumptober prompt (because those are all terrible, basically) or Old Habits Die Hard (Old Reliances Die Harder) because it's an angsty canon-compliant (ish) oneshot where nothing is resolved and everything is just terrible. In my longer fics, I don't really plan for tragic endings, because the ending should be happy even if the journey there wasn't, or else the whole things sad and there's not really any point.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, only oneshots count for this, so I'd probably say burn the scorecards, balance out the scales, because the ending is hopeful and probably the best possible outcome via rivals duo.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not really, which is great. The most I ever get is a confused comment or someone making assumptions, and that's all fine.

9. Do you write smut?

No, and I don't plan to.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, but I have some ideas I might write that involve crossovers and I might write them eventually.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I have not <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I would like to in the future.

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

Drunz, for sure. It's the ship that really got me into the fandom and I've always liked that sort of toxic codependence even though they're terrible for each other.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All of them? Well, besides that, I'd probably have to say Off the Planned Course, because, although I really love it, I have no idea how to end that thing or when.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Absolutely no idea, maybe internal monologues? It's hard to evaluate your own writing.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. 100% dialogue. I get in my head about if it sounds natural or if anyone would ever say that or if I'm writing a character right and then it turns about clunky because I'm too busy worrying about it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't have a problem with it, but you should provide translations in that situation so the readers have context and know what's going on.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dream SMP

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Probably Off the Planned Course, there are some chapters were I was just having the time of my life writing that thing even if they were immediately followed by two months of struggle.

Not tagging anyone because it's been ages and I'm bad at doing anything quickly so yeah. Also, it's my birthday today and time is really fucking weird <3

#this took so fucking long #why #dsmp #my writing

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cowboyjen68 · 1 year

Note

Hi Jen! I hope you are doing well.

I need some advice. I am a young butch and I have just started university half a year ago. I made a friend (a bisexual guy) and we’re really open about ourselves and our struggles. There is a huge difference in experiences we’ve had so far. I’ve never been intimate with a girl in any way, I'm aware that my circumstances are different as a lesbian and because I come from a culture that is homophobic but I still feel very connected to.

Two days ago, he invited me and a few other friends over to hang out. He specifically mentioned his good friend who is also a lesbian as well as the opportunity for me to pursue her. I admitted that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t have a similar cultural background as mine. I wonder if I am just limiting myself with this sometimes…

Friday comes and the girl and I get along well—she spends almost the whole evening talking with me, we have similar interests. She even shows me photos of her in tight and kinda revealing clothing and I probably misread that as flirting.

Anyway, she offered to drive me home and I accepted. At that point I had already given up on her picking up any hints that I just straight up asked: “Do you find that as a lesbian you interpret signals wrongly or not at all?”. Which was my way of basically screaming “Do you even realize that I have been flirting with you”. Lol. Her answer did not go in that direction at all. I didn’t get an outright rejection either. After that I even said “Jeez, going home at night sucks. I’d rather just sleep over at a friend’s if it’s already so late” to which she agreed… but still no rejection or offer! Lol I give up.

It all left me feeling weird… I talked to friends about it and they agreed that she probably just wasn’t into me like that. It made me rethink how I interpreted her actions and I can’t shake the feeling that my own actions came across as predatory even though there is enough proof that would dispute this. I feel like I was being impatient and unrealistic but I also think that this wouldn’t have been the way I approach someone I was romantically interested in. I would still very much be interested in lesbian friendships! But now I feel like I blew it.

I am sorry this is delayed longer than I would like it to be.

There is a ton of pressure in our younger years to date and even have sex to somehow fulfil our lives and it is just as prevelant, if not more so, in LGBT culture as in the straight world. We are given signals that we must be curious and interested in sex and that drives many of us to flirt with women, who, if there were more choices, we probably would not look at twice.

When we are given limited dating options, there are just fewer lesbians and bi women than straight women, we get a bit desperate or maybe just impatient. IT is a common thread shared among lesbians of all ages.

IT does sound like she was just not interested in you in any way beyond friendship. She was on purpose, but in a kind way, deflecting your hints so as not to hurt your feelings but also not give false hope. But, like you, she might be unsure how much say and how to interpret things.

It took me years to realize that hints, subtle flirting and trying to read into every word and movement is impossible. The best way is to say "Is it okay if I flirt with you?" Or "I think you are interesting, would you go on a real date with me next weekend?" Being clear about your expectations or what you are experiencing is truly the best course of action.

Being butch does not give us the automatic confidence or instinct to understand what a woman is thinking, even if the stereotype is that we are "in charge".

I would text her and be honest that you had a good time and might have come off a little strong or awkward because it was nice to spend time with another lesbian. Ask if she would like to hang out and clarify if you would like to take her on a date or if you think you should just do something as friends. That clear communication will relieve some her your stress and hers because you will know what is expected. IF you are vague she will be over thinking and analyising every move instead of just enjoying time spent with each other.

#dating #lesbian

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smokingcaterpillar · 10 months

Text

King of Hearts ♥️♣️♦️♠️

Idk why I’m nervous to post this lol maybe because this is a more personal UPG experience with me and Loki. This might be a tad lengthy btw.

I know this is something I don't have to share, but lately I've been reflecting on it and realize just how much of a difference Loki has made within this semi-traumatic situation I’ve dealt with most of my life. So I want to share this beautiful thing. Beautiful to me anyway. And through several different methods of divination, he's assured me he's okay with me doing so ♥️

TW: mentions of heart surgery, hospitals, panic attacks

When I was a kid my father had multiple bypass heart surgery and valve replacement, and has been in and out of the hospital ever since for various reasons including heart stuff. To put it simply: over the years, I had developed a strong aversion to heartbeats. For example, if I gave someone a hug or was in someone’s arms with my head resting on their chest, I hated- absolutely hated -hearing their heart. Or even when I put in ear plugs and could hear my own. I had it in my head that I would suddenly hear it stop. A fear that stemmed from being able to hear my father’s artificial valve tick within his chest just by standing next to him, as well as hearing the beeping of hospital machines monitoring his vitals, fearing I would suddenly hear the ticking and beeps no more. I never told anybody this, probably because I thought I might offend someone. Like, “Here let me adjust my position against you, I don’t wanna hear your heart, sorry.” sounded a little harsh to me 😂 so I never said anything. I was probably worrying about that more than I needed to tbh.

Fast forward to the past couple years. Something I didn’t expect to happen at all 🫠

Loki, being clever without even trying, ever so slowly began showing me a new perspective on heartbeats.

Not long after He came into my life, I learned about the tale of Loki eating the heart of Gullveig, and subsequently would notice other devotees associating beautiful artworks of anatomical hearts with him as well. And I simply thought, “Awe, that’s nice.” And nothing more. Lol, since then I’ve joked with him sometimes that he surely is a vampire, which I feel he secretly enjoys 🤭

Then came the tale of how Loki (as Vé) may have contributed in human creation by giving “..color to the human complexion.” Blood. And my perspective shifted more, even softened a bit.

It wasn’t until six months ago that Loki began showing how fond he was of heartbeats (again, UPG of my aspect of him).

There were many different ways in which he showed his love of hearts; the sound, the feeling, its power, its effects, and yes, even its fragility- the part that I feared most. I won’t go into detail about how those walls of fear came down brick by brick, as most of them were in private moments of various forms of affection…but I will say that my eyes now do soften at the mention of hearts. And at the sound of them. Something I never thought would become untainted. Because He was in all of it. I can now see hearts through his eyes. And no longer do they appear to me as a frightening, scheming creature inside of our bodies waiting to carry out our demise. I am so grateful and joyous for that ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I still hear my father’s valve tick when I’m next to him and it’s quiet enough; I'm still prone to panic attacks where my bpm goes to 150 for fifteen minutes to an hour, I'm still prone to PVCs when I lose too much potassium or haven't slept well- all of which are now few and far between -but the feelings of dread and paranoia that plague me for days after something like that happens has finally tapered off. Replaced with fascination and appreciation for this muscle that keeps me alive.

God of Transformations, my King of Hearts, thank you for your patience in allowing me to see a dark part of my mind flash with vibrancy like a gem in the light. It took nearly thirty years, but we're here ✨🫀

Artist profile: rybrig on DeviantArt

#shadow work #lokean #loki devotee #vé #upg #loki deity #air meets blood #lodurr #artist linked #healing

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thisismysecondrodeo · 1 year

Text

Men of Mystery

AN: Based on this drawing because wow if that’s not the setup for two mysterious men hooking up in the backseat of an old car I don’t know what is. Shout out to @broadwayfreak5357 and @theoriginalvelocipastor for encouraging this BeardTrent lol

Tags: Coach Beard/Trent Crimm, Queer!Coach Beard, Gay!Trent Crimm, Brief Non-speaking Appearance by Colin, Men Kissing!!!, Coach Beard's first name is Eugene because its the first thing I thought of

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Of all the people Trent might see walk out of the AFC Richmond training room after he’d locked his keys in his car, Beard wasn’t the worst option. Especially because he knew Beard wasn’t the type to implicate himself in anyone’s business.

Beard, on the other hand, was relieved that the tense, long-haired beauty in the parking lot was just Trent Crimm, Independent, and not Jane. He’d finally gotten the courage to end things and she had taken it about as well as he’d expected which meant he was constantly checking around corners and muting his phone. He planned to just leave Trent to his business but when he locked eyes with the man in the blazer he could read the embarrassment from a distance and he knew something was up.

“Mr. Crimm,” Beard greeted with a nod.

Trent sighed as he answered. “Hello, Coach Beard.”

Silence fell between the men. Trent didn’t want to ask for help, but he also didn’t want to call his father to come to bail him out, or worse, run into Rebecca after Beard. Beard could tell Trent wanted to say something, so he waited him out.

“I, ah, well… how was training?”

Beard smirked. “Trent.” And there was something in the way that the coach used Trent’s first name that brought heat to his cheeks. This man could see right through him somehow, and as much as Trent wanted to be resentful about it, he couldn’t help but be intrigued. Coach Beard was a challenge, and hadn’t he just told Ted he was looking for something…deeper?

“Ah, it's off the record. I am no longer a journalist. I actually was just here to tell Ted that and now I’m…stuck.”

“Stuck,” Beard repeated, looking between Trent and his car.

“I locked my keys inside,” Trent explained sheepishly and Beard smirked, immediately swinging his backpack off and rifling through it quickly, taking a knee on the concrete by the driver’s side door. He seemed like he was on a mission so Trent didn’t ask what he was looking for, just watched the muscles in his back ripple under his short sleeve polo as he moved around.

“Aha,” Beard said under his breath, holding up a pointed piece of metal that glistened in the sun. He immediately inserted the tool into the lock of the door.

“You’re picking the lock? How long will that—”

Before Trent could finish the sentence, Beard popped the lock audibly and looked up at the other man with a shit-eating grin. “Done.”

“How in the bloody hell did you learn to do that?” Trent couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice but Beard was pleased that it was more admiration than judgment. The truth was Beard had a bit of a checkered past, one that he always thought journalists might delve into at some point. But even after Trent’s article about Ted, he had a feeling Trent wouldn’t hold him against it.

“Well now, Trent, I’ve picked up a few things over the years,” Beard picked up his backpack and swung it back onto his shoulder as he stood before he reached for the door handle and opened the driver's door. The gesture brought the two men chest to chest, close enough that Beard could smell the citrus of Trent’s shampoo and Trent could make out flecks of green in Beard’s mostly brown eyes.

Trent inhaled deeply, “I have so many questions.”

“I have significantly fewer answers,” Beard teased.

Behind them, the door to the AFC Richmond training room swung open and Beard took a quick step back, despite the fact that the illegal thing he was doing was already done. It was Colin, making his way to his Lamborghini, and Beard and Trent both gave him quick, self-conscious waves.

“Well,” Trent said when Colin had pulled haphazardly onto the roadway, “maybe I could ask them anyway over a pint?”

Beard tugged his phone out of his pocket to see 10 missed calls from Jane. He quickly returned the device to his khakis and gave Trent a small smile. “Sure, why not?”

Beard expected Trent to take him to the Crown & Anchor but he appreciated the drive a little further out of the neighborhood. Trent’s car was in pristine condition and Beard expected nothing less but he didn’t poke around the way Trent would have. Trent turned the radio up and hummed along to something from the 80s that must have missed Kansas because Beard didn’t recognize it. Trent parked along the curb and gestured with a nod at a pub a few spaces down with a green door and Beard headed that way.

Pints in hand the two men looked at each other, evenly matched in their considering gaze. Trent took a sip of his beer and Beard smirked.

“You’re not really a beer guy are you,” Beard asked.

Trent sputtered a chuckle around his own sip, “I thought I was asking the questions.”

“That was more of an observation, but go on, hit me.”

“How’d you learn how to pick locks?”

“A lack of supervision in my youth. And a desire to go real far, real fast.” Beard braced himself for Trent’s recoil, but Trent just nodded as if it was what he expected or at least that he understood the kind of upbringing Beard was talking about. Beard appreciated that he didn’t press.

“Real far indeed. You know Ted has been the fish out of water, but you… You seemed to have settled in much more nicely. How are you finding it after two years?”

Trent watched a flicker of emotion cross Beard’s face, watched the somewhat nervous way he tugged at the bill of his hat. “You know I’ve followed Ted a lot of places. He’s been good to me, we’ve been good to each other. But I think…no matter what happens Richmond is my landing spot. And I’ve been looking for a landing spot for a long time.”

“Mmm, since you still went by Eugene I imagine,” Trent met Beard’s eyes, a mischievous smirk. Beard’s jaw dropped in an exaggerated gasp.

“I’m sorry, did you wait until a vulnerable moment to just slide in that you’ve known my name this whole time,” Beard exclaimed and Trent was suddenly bashful.

“Sorry, bit of a dick move. The journalist runs deep,” Trent responded, his eyes on the table. Beard slid his hand across the table, a hair’s breadth from Trent’s, and tapped twice so that Trent looked up.

“I’m fucking with you. It’s fine, Trent. Not a big secret,” Trent blushed but laughed at himself along with Beard. “I didn’t think you’d be so easy to fuck with.”

A charged silence descended between them before Trent responded, “Oh, you’d be surprised.”

It only took two more pints for Trent to tell the story of his first boyfriend taking him to a concert and abandoning him in the crowd to make out with one of the openers in the bathroom. One more after that for Beard to tell him about the last time he’d shaved his face, which was more than 20 years ago to perform in a drag show.

And it took half of the last pint for Beard to work up the nerve to ask Trent if he’d like to get out of there…together. Trent grinned, half eager and half apologetic.

“As much as I absolutely want to take you up on that, I have to get my daughter from my father’s. And I’m just realizing I drove here, and now I’ll have to take the tube… which means I should probably get out of here right now, I’m sorry.”

“No, no apologies,” Beard held up his hands in faux surrender. “As long as we can do this again.”

The men stood up, pushed in their chairs, and headed out the door. “We can absolutely do this again.”

The streetlights were just coming on as they walked to the nearest tube station a comfortable quiet between them. It had been a long time since Trent had had the urge to take someone’s hand in public but his fingers twitched with the idea of it. Beard stumbled just a little on the cobblestone as he realized his phone hadn’t vibrated in quite a while—or if it had he hadn’t noticed.

“Well,” Trent said, a thumb pointed over his shoulder at the train that would be arriving in a minute, “this is me. Let’s hope my car is there tomorrow.”

Beard held up his hand, fingers crossed. The train pulled in and Trent turned away, running a hand through his hair to avoid doing something silly, like grabbing the other man by his collar and kissing him. But just as he stepped toward the opening doors, he felt a strong hand in the crook of his elbow.

Beard wasn’t tugging hard, but Trent felt magnetized anyway as he turned back and found himself eye-to-eye with the stoic man. Trent smiled, his hand finding the lapels of the other’s man’s jacket as he tilted and leaned in. Beard met him halfway, and their lips slotted together carefully, cautiously. It only took a beat for Beard to wind his hand into Trent’s hair, for Trent to run his tongue along the seam of Beard’s lips until he was allowed entrance. Trent was so lost in the feeling of Beard’s lips on his, the warmth of his hands where they cradled the side of his head, he didn’t notice that his train was about to leave. Luckily, Beard did, and he broke the kiss, stepping back and giving Trent a gentle nudge onto the train.

“Go on, you’re gonna miss it. ‘Til next time, Trent.”

“‘Til next time, Beard,” Trent managed to call out just as the doors closed.

#ted lasso #ted lasso fanfic #coach beard #trent crimm #coach beard x trent crimm #fanfiction

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