#ye of little faith has existed in my head for years now

[midnightcowboy1969]

#why are my subtitles british? #mr monk #monk 2002 #monk usa #putting all the tags there #ye of little faith has existed in my head for years now #also adrian's look slays

[midnightsslut]

the whole cardigan/Peter parallels are messing my head can u explain

okay so peter is actually one of my favorite songs on the album for this reason! I think it has parallels to a lot of other songs, not just cardigan. the first thing to get out of the way is the cardigan lyric about peter and wendy: ‘tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy.’ now, that line doesn’t make a ton of sense because peter losing wendy is the ending of peter pan (idk I’ve never seen it and never thought I’d spend this long thinking about them), but I think what she’s saying is that he tried to change the ending of *their* story to peter losing wendy. peter loses her because she outgrows him, while he remains a ‘lost boy’ forever. the cardigan demo has an alternate lyric where peter actually *leaves* wendy. this does not happen in the original story, and to me, it reads like betty (eh, I don’t think those characters existed when she wrote that song, but bear with me) is accusing him of trying to change their fate by leaving her. peter is meant to always come back to wendy. *she* is the one who eventually leaves him. either way, cardigan ends with them together. yay for betty and/or taylor.

now, peter was written 3-4 years later, and it is the conclusion of a story about outgrowing someone despite truly wanting them back. the ending was not, in fact, changed. she did outgrow him. very sad. I actually want to go lyric by lyric, but I’ll put a cut just in case.

Forgive me Peter

My lost fearless leader

In closets like cedar

Preserved from when we were just kids

Is it something I did

the song starts with taylor trying to figure out what went wrong. did she do something wrong to crush these dreams of theirs? she kept him in a closet of cedar (where unmarried women kept their belongings that they would want to take with them after getting married) in her mind, but things didn’t work out anyway. the first line being ‘forgive me, peter’ indicates that she is the one who pulled the plug, and she’s apologizing for it. again, she isn’t entirely sure what went wrong, which, to me, is a clear parallel to how did it end.

The goddess of timing

Once found us beguiling

She said she was trying

Peter was she lying

My ribs get the feeling she did

when they first met, the timing seemed to be perfect for their relationship (‘the goddess of timing *once* found us beguiling’), but that didn’t last. the goddess of timing claimed that she tried, but nothing could save them. taylor even wonders if she lied, which suggests a lack of faith in higher powers like fate or deities. this verse introduces timing as a major conflict in the story. ‘are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?’

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Words from the mouths of babes

Promises, oceans deep

But never to keep

peter went away, but he promised to come down once he was ready for a relationship. yes, this kind of applies to both of the main storylines on the album. you could take this to mean that they actually broke up a decade ago but promised to get back together, or you could assume there was some sort of break to their relationship, which she and joe did have. i kind of took it to mean that he wasn’t fully committed to the relationship, but he promised to be eventually. again, the renegade lyric, but also ‘i’m a fire, and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade ocean wave blues come’ and ‘I’d hold you as the water rushes in,’ both of which are grand promises that neither party could keep.

Are you still a mind reader?

A natural scene stealer

I've heard great things Peter

But life was always easier on you

Than it was on me

he is charismatic. his magnetic field is a little too strong. he can read people. but he’s also fragile and inexperienced (‘he was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsman’). he may be able to read people, but things have been way too easy for him to ever understand a truly hurt person fully.

And sometimes it gets me

When crossing your jet stream

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon

In different galaxies

And I didn't want to hang around

We said it was just goodbye for now

this is the thesis statement of their relationship to me. obviously, there’s the call it what you want parallel, but more importantly, it shows that the two people really wanted this to work. they just came from completely different places in their lives and perhaps the entire universe. this verse seems to reference the epilogue (‘resentment rotting away galaxies we created’ / ‘some stars never align’). they learned the right steps to different dances, if you will. she knew he needed time, so she left temporarily.

And I won't confess that I waited

But I let the lamp burn

As the men masqueraded

I hoped you'd return

With your feet on the ground

Tell me all that you'd learned

Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

she does get with other men, but she keeps longing for him. she wishes that he would return with a grasp on reality and be the man she needs. if anything, the time away would give him the perspective he needs to ground himself. interesting parallel to ‘I said I don’t mind / it takes time’ in loml.

And you said you'd come and get me but you were 25

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the lost boys chapter of your life

Forgive me Peter, please know that I tried

To hold onto the days when you were mine

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

this is just devastating to me. well, first of all, both matty and joe were 25 when they first met her, which, lol. the dreams they had together have expired now. it’s been too long. she cannot keep holding onto a love from almost a decade ago. he took too long to return. he lost his lifelong dreams to what was only supposed to be a chapter of his life. she tried to hold onto the days when he was hers, and everything was right, but she had to turn out the light at some point. this is the moment when she gives up on their relationship. she apologizes for abandoning the ship, but she must do it.

overall, I think peter is a story about two people who genuinely did everything they could to be together, but their needs and their growth no longer aligned. there’s a sense of acceptance and lingering fondness here. she did everything she could not to bolt, but the ending was the same.

#peter #loooove this song #cardigan #ttpd

[mikrokcsmos]

Evermore

synopsis; in which you can no longer ignore all the signs of your husband’s affair.

pairing; husband!kim taehyung x wife!reader

genre; angst, marriage au

rating; PG-13

warnings; infidelity, not so much a warning but mentions of Yeontan to help keep you sane yw

w/c; 889

a/n; happy angsty reading! pls keep sending more if you enjoyed! <3 this is a repost from my old account.

song to listen to; evermore by taylor swift ft. bon iver

It was currently November, though it all started in July, or so you think. Least, that’s when you first started noticing the signs. Who knows exactly how long this whole affair has been going on.

Gray November, I’ve been down since July.

Your whole body felt heavy due to all the bottled up anger, sadness, and despair you kept inside, selfishly trying to keep yourself alive amongst all the chaos and denial you dealt with daily.

It was the night before the 4th of July, you recall. You were supposed to meet up at the movies to watch the third installment of your shared all time favorite franchise. A movie that you booked tickets for together months in advance. Only to be left in the dark room all alone, the only light illuminated from the projector. Glancing down at your phone that emitted a soft glow, you let out a quiet sigh of discontent not wanting to disturb fellow movie goers around you.

From Husband:

Sorry y/n, won’t be able to make it. This meeting is going on for way longer than expected. I’ll see you at home later, don’t wait up for me, okay? Save me some popcorn, though! Can’t wait to hear all about it! Love you.

That should’ve been your first red flag.

Motion capture, put me in a bad light.

Not that he left you to watch the movie alone, but yes, that sucked. He’s done it before, though. When you know for a fact he was caught up in a meeting, or so you hoped, thinking back on it now.

No. No, it was a detail that no one would’ve picked up on besides you, and in fact, most people would just scoff at and say you were over reacting. He was probably in a rush to send that text, they would say. He didn’t have time. Yeah, okay. Sure, whatever. But you knew.

Especially since you made a pact not too long after you started dating that you would use your pet names instead of your actual names when addressing each other. Or, not so much a pact, but more so just an unspoken rule you developed out of a daily habitual use of said pet names. He literally hasn’t called you by your name in years.

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong.

It was engraved in you since you were a little girl to be the ever doting, ever loyal, ever loving, ever faithful wife. Whenever you so chose to be one. Lord knows you were never in a rush. In fact, it wasn’t until you hit your 5 year anniversary that he got down on one knee and popped the question. Yet, you were still surprised when it happened. Still not expecting it for another 5 years later, at the very least. But, Kim Taehyung had other plans it seems. Ever the hopeless romantic, you should’ve known. Him always being the one to talk about your future together, hinting at a wedding and a big family with a little dog. At least you were able to cross off two of those, you thought bitterly. Contrary to the gentle pats you were currently giving to the Teacup Pom, Yeontan.

As the months progressed, he became less subtle. The lipstick stains on his collar of a color that didn’t exist in your make up collection, the waft of perfume you would smell as he kissed your cheek upon coming home that you knew wasn’t yours. And yet, you were still in denial. Not willing to risk losing him, your heart suffered instead.

Writing letters, addressed to the fire.

The only solace you had, being to write out your aggression of the day onto a piece of paper that would then meet the kiss of fire you would ignite nightly in your fireplace and burn, each time hoping and praying for it to cleanse your head and heart along with it.

It never worked. And you always cried silent tears of misery so as not to wake your peacefully sleeping husband curled up with the Teacup Pom in the next room over who came back from yet another late night out.

You never thought you would end up here. Being that wife that would become the gossip of other fellow wives. Becoming the ever pining wife that would stand alone in the dark at two o’clock in the morning looking out the window and waiting for your husband to come home. Craving his words and his touch. Knowing you weren’t currently getting either of those. She was. Whoever she is. You had no clue.

And I was catching my breath. Staring out an open window….

You stared longingly at your husband who just pulled up in the driveway. Yeontan running around your feet in excitement upon recognizing the sound of his human’s car. As he went to step out of the car, an article of clothing fell out, one he was quick to recover and throw in the backseat. More importantly one that was very obviously, not yours. Looking around to see if he had been caught, he locked eyes with you in the window. His widening in guilt, yours crying unrelentless tears as you stared emotionlessly, arms crossed over your chest where your heart just broke for the last and final time.

Catching my death.

#kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #jungkook angst #taehyung angst #kim taehyung #bts kim taehyung #taehyung drabble #drabbles masterlist #masterlist; drabbles #masterlist; old account

[jordynbreeloa777]

hey i just wannna ask you this question on how do you handle being religious and using loa at the same time . ths shit really make me avoid using loa and feeling guilty that i am doing something wrong lol .

also i love yr acc so muchhhh <3333

Hey anon! This topic is very important to talk about which i feel like hella ppl dont. I am Christian and was raised in a religious household. I found out about the law and it’s like every door opened for me. I was spiritually awake. I still do believe there is an outside creator since how could how look at the world, and say there isn’t one? I still use to believe in angel numbers, zodiac signs/astrology and the universe to. But i never believed in “Christian witches” and things of that nature. It’s kinda like pick a side and stick with it to me. I always felt guilty about it but then I realized what is we put on earth for? With the law i finally am getting everything i wanted so desperately and craved for just by being my own god, and creator. I do still feel guilty but I realized i have to put me first, and I’m done being a victim of my own reality. I still do believe in heaven or hell, since no i dont believe in reincarnation like Neville Goddard did, but I do think that when the time is right hopefully i can return back to being religious since I still have a though in the back of my head saying God is real and He does exist. I’m at the point of my journey where it’s kind of spiritual warfare a little bit. Like which side? Who do I go to in order to have faith? A man in the sky, who HAS DONE AMAZING THINGS IN MY LIFE, or myself? Since i dont know that if i was praying and assuming that if I ask God and pray 10 times a day he would give me what I granted or did I manifest that because i had the core assumption that me and His relationship together is close, and He will make my life easy. I still dont even know my own answers but do I think he is real, yes. Would I manifest for my family to stop being Christian no. Maybe i will return back to faith, but now I am loving my life. Finally i can say that. I love being in control of every little thing and aspect, and getting what I want because I know where the power comes from. me. it all starts within, always have, and always will.

Guilty, yes sometimes I do. I still identify as Christian, even though it’s wrong because I’m tore in half of what I want. I do like to be extremely careful with the “god” affs as long as it’s a lower case G. I do also realize a lot of people in the community don’t really talk about this. For a while, it did make me avoid loa, even though we never stop manifesting. I didn’t manifest and took a break for a year, and my life was hell. I was ugly, insecure, got bullied, bad grades, no friends, home life wasn’t all that good, wasn’t good at sports everything. This is such a good topic to touch on, and I may edit and add more in the future because i could talk about this for days on end. now that I’m spiritually awake, I don’t fully know what to side with. Do i enjoy getting every thing I want without knowing for sure or at least having the faith in an afterlife? Or be fully devoted Christian, and be unhappy with myself on how I look, or that my sp isn’t in love with me? Why would I stop now if I found the golden key? I finally have a say in what i want in my reality why would I stop now if everything been going in my favor?

I hope this answered since I still go to a Christian school which I’m not going to manifest away, but I don’t read the Bible and pray as much anymore. I would rather affirm and get every single thing I want in my own power and control then be a victim. I’m done with that. Even though It did feel so good when I prayed and got tingles in my heart, i still don’t know what i want for sure. Right now I am religious and usingLOA.

Hope this answered anon<3 Also thank you for liking my blog!💝💝

#law of assumption #manifesting #loassumption #neville goddard #manifesation #loa tumblr #religion #christianity

[telelsie]

GAY SPOCK REAL OR FAKE PLEASE READ

i haven’t been an active tumblr user in about 3 years but SNW and the whole gay spock debate has been occupying enough space in my mind that i felt the need to inflict my opinion onto you all.

as a spirker myself, i’m not at all denying that the het romance arcs SNW is pushing for jim and spock are by no means my favorite. i dearly dearly wish that we would’ve gotten at least SOME queercoding from SNW this season, but i’m also not as disappointed as some of you are with the choices the SNW team has made for spock’s character. i’ve seen quite a few people begging for gay spock (bless u all) and canon spirk from SNW, which is unquestionably the ideal outcome for the series — and given the way both the writers and actors have reacted to and welcomed fan opinions and questions about where the jim/spock dynamic is heading, i don’t think it’s unreasonable at all for us to be optimistic about the show’s direction. if sybok can be in a queer relationship, then we’ve already gone miles past existing TOS canon in terms of queer rep.

admittedly, SNW has issues (ortegas show us ur girlfriend and the lesbian flag hanging in ur quarters!!! we all know it’s there!!), but i struggle to believe that the het romance arcs for jim and spock were written with the intention of convincing fans to ~let go of spirk~ or anything along those lines. in fact, i think the biggest issue that trek fans are having with SNW is wanting it to deliver on all the subtext and queercoding that existed in TOS on an implicit level explicitly and immediately. SNW is a prequel. it’s whole job is to set up and develop the relationships that appear in TOS; and it does an amazing job of this for the most part, especially in giving the female characters like una, christine, and t’pring traits other than crippling gene roddenberry syndrome. what i’m trying to say is that the SNW writers are doing a good job. yes, even (ESPECIALLY) with spock.

i get why people are protective of his character, i am too, but i don’t understand the lack of faith and, honestly, lack of viewing comprehension, that i’m seeing from self proclaimed spock fans. if you were expecting SNW to give us fully formed Nimoy-Spock within the first two seasons, then i’m sorry, but you’re a little bit of an idiot. a lot of you both don’t understand the purpose of the show (in general and in relation to spock’s development) and don’t value the importance of long form storytelling. in fact, in my ideal world, spirk wouldn’t even be together by the end of SNW. part of the value of the k/s dynamic in TOS was spock’s internal struggle with his feelings for jim, a struggle that defines his character, actions, and life throughout TOS and the movies. this is a struggle that isn’t resolved until midway through the movies, and it wouldn’t be doing justice to the canon that created spirk to have their relationship evolve into romance before the events of TOS.

spirk is, and always will be a long form story which derives its value from the fact that it is a Very Very slow burn. for the relationship to retain its value without being watered down by reinterpretation, it needs to have all the turns, pitfalls, and pining that it did in the original canon. although it’s entirely possible that the SNW writers have no plans of canonizing spirk, it’s also entirely possible that their plans are just a little more long term than what most of the community wants right now. i would far prefer a spirk that begins in 3 seasons of steadily evolving homoerotic friendship than one that jumps the gun and results in an unsatisfying and underbaked depiction of a relationship that deserves to be done justice.

TLDR: be patient!!! stop acting like SNW is actively taking spirk out behind the shed and shooting it!! SNW is already the best new trek to come out of the revival — give it a little more time and slack to build momentum and solidify its position within paramount and the fan community and you’ll be happy you waited.

#star trek #star trek snw #strange new worlds #spirk

[gojoandtojisleftnut]

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

Chapter 3: Signs

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x female reader

Genre: slow burn ig.

A/n & possible tw: Small chapter I’m sorry I’ve been so busy getting ready for my trip. <3 Tsumiki’s mom is named Kaori and Mamaguro Hikari for the sake of this fic.

Previous. Next.

READ AUTHORS NOTE

“Who was that?” the woman asked Toji, looking at him from her peripheral vision still walking with her daughter in hand.

Toji didn’t really know what to answer to be honest. Who were you to him? The only thing he knew was that he couldn’t really take you out of his mind. “She worked there she helped Megumi pick what he wanted.” He simply stated not looking at his wife.

“I’m so stupid”. Toji thought. Sitting on his side of the bed alone in his bedroom, while Kaomi was cooking dinner. He looks at his bedside table opening the drawer, the picture of his dead ex wife looking back at him. He found himself taking to her when he felt distressed or in a dead end. “Tell me what to do Hikari. You always knew what to do and say.” He picks up the frame. A little piece of paper he didn’t realize he grabbed with it falling on the bed in front of his folded legs.

“I’m so stupid”. Toji thought. Sitting on his side of the bed alone in his bedroom, while Kaomi was cooking dinner. He looks at his bedside table opening the drawer, the picture of his dead ex wife looking back at him. He found himself taking to her when he felt distressed or in a dead end. “Tell me what to do Hikari. You always knew what to do and say.” He picks up the frame. A little piece of paper he didn’t realize he grabbed with it falling on the bed in front of his folded legs.

He takes the piece of paper still holding the picture in his other hand. Your phone number. He wrote it down onto a piece of paper when he came back home the day he met you. “Is this the way of telling me what to do Hikari?. Please.” He thought still looking at the scribbled numbers.

His thoughts were interrupted by the bedroom door creaking open. “Daddy..” I tiny voice called. Little feet and black spiky hair entering the room, a little frog plushie in hand. The little boy climbs on to the bed and settles himself between his dads legs. “Hey little man.” Toji kisses his son’s head and notices how the boy takes the framed picture of his mom in his tiny hands.

Sometimes Toji wished Megumi looked more like Hikari. Even though he’s grateful he has a little twin. At least he knows Meg took every bit of kindness from his mother. “Is that mama daddy?” “Yes bud. She’s beautiful isn’t she?” Little Gumi nods his head slowly “She’s as beautiful as the girl at the café.”

The boy’s words make Toji freeze. He thinks everything is a sign now. First the piece of paper then his son calls you beautiful. It must be a sign right?

“It must be a sign right? Nothing has happened. I need to realize that he would never give up what he has. A stable home for a 22 year old girl.” You groan at your own words. You really keep beating yourself up over this whole situation and you really don’t understand why. Why do you have so much faith in something that barely exists?

You start to walk home from the café. It’s a 10 minute walk actually so you don’t mind it. It’s the only form of exercise you’ll ever tolerate. Although, your mind drifts back to Toji and your encounter earlier that day. “If he was here, especially by foot that means he lives somewhere near!” You express your thoughts rather loudly earning weird looks by everyone.

The idea of him living near by practically keeps you up that night. You kind of feel like a psychopath having these kind of thoughts but it really makes you wonder, if he lives close by how come I’ve never seen him around before?”

Tossing and turning in your bed you find it difficult to sleep. It’s not even late, it’s only 21:00 pm, but you’ve found out that the more you sleep the better. Cause sleep is like death without actually dying and that’s great. You get some piece and quite.

Your little hiss is interrupted by your phone vibrating next to you. You check the caller but you don’t seem to know the number. “Hello?”. The voice on the other line making you freeze. “Kid? Is that you?” your breath hitched at his smooth but deep voice. “Y/n?”.

#anime #jjk anime #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen x you #daddy toji #dilf toji #toji x y/n #toji headcanons #toji fic #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji x reader #toji drabbles #toji scenarios #toji imagine #toji x you #jujutsu toji #toji fluff #toji thirst #toji angst #toji zenin #toji smut #papaguro #jjk x fem!reader #jjk x y/n #jjk x reader #geto suguru #gojo fluff #gojo x reader #toji brainrot

[genericpuff]

To me the problem with lore olympus and rachel is that she keeps the fan feedback too close to her chest, yes it does "affect her because she's very sensitive" which is smth rachel has said before in interviews and stuff, but the problem is that if u let fan opinions get in the way of ur work maybe u should set boundaries with the way u interact with fan content OF UR OWN WORK.

Im not sure if im explaining myself correctly, but the way rachel somehow always tries to prove criticism wrong and has slowly started ignoring the foundations she previously set is making everything just so flat and boring. She doesnt work with what we've already read but trying to somehow "fix" things that are sometimes not clear on the get go.

For example, u (and a lot of people) complained about how demeter explicitly said she always put persephone in white (when persephone has willingly been wearing that color through the entire series). Meanwhile, i remember having read a post from loreolympians on instagram (iirc) analyzing perse's change of color scheme during s2.

The problem with these things is that rachel has most likely been engaging with these fans who take for granted that she plans everything out or that everything has a deep meaning (which to a sense you should do, because having faith in the author is usually how to go about analyzing storytelling), and somehow it's become a strange echochamber and it results in these weird, very blatantly written to be noticed, details or moments htat try to be smart but are just flat bc rachel doesnt give any effort to anything else aand prefers telling rather than showing so she can feel like a good author when fans obviously point these out

Jdhdjd these are just my two cents and sorry for the long rant but yeah basically rachel should separate herself from the fandom and try to write more objectively and focusing on the narrative instead of taking every little criticism of her comic so personally

Honestly, I can get being a little squeamish around criticism, shit I've had analysis stuff on my work that's consisted of praise and it's still sometimes a little overwhelming to read (I've got a big one in my asks right now that took me like 10 minutes to get thru because I had to keep taking breathers and I still need to actually share it LMAO it's not even criticism! it's just got so much in it, ahfdsaklg)

When it comes to criticism, I still get a little "aw man" sometimes. I recently got feedback from Pyrrhic & Victoria on my Reaper redraws and even though I'm pals with them and know they aren't gonna be harsh, it's still an incredibly vulnerable position to put oneself in. Especially when it's projects that you hold very close to your sense of self.

RS has definitely taken it a little too far in tying LO to herself as a person. Criticism of the comic = criticism of her , and her fanbase seems to view this the same way, that if someone doesn't like the comic, that has to automatically say something about them as consumers when... it really doesn't. If anything their reactions to criticism say way more about them as people than the criticism existing lmao

What's more upsetting and simultaneously eye-rolling is the fact that Rachel goes out of her way to look for things to be upset about. On multiple occasions now over the past 4-5 years, she's snuck into groups containing criticism, attempted to strongarm power away from moderators so she could have criticism removed, and basically just ruined her own day over other people's opinions whether or not they were meant to be read by her.

It's why I stand by the fact that people shouldn't be directly messaging RS with criticism or hate because that would just be unsolicited cruelty. While she should be more open to criticism, that doesn't mean she needs to open the floodgates on her DM's because there are plenty of places for criticism to exist outside of her peripheral. But she keeps turning her head to look at it. Like, she'll throw a hissy fit over criticism that wasn't even really directly aimed at her, just meant for the sake of discussion. And that's where I'd really honestly wish she could just get a grip.

Like, I'm sure there's criticism of Rekindled out there already. Shit, I've had other projects from yeeears ago that ended up being made fun of outside of where I posted it. It sucked, but going out and actively looking for it for the purpose of erasing it from existence wasn't going to make me a better creator nor was it going to benefit me as a person.

It's a shitty reality, but the bigger you grow as a creator, the more you will have to separate yourself from your audience. You don't have to stonewall them completely, many people follow these works for the creators themselves, but you're not entitled to everyone's friendship and praise, and if the criticism really bugs you that much, then fucking work on the thing they're criticizing, don't double down on it or try to control how your audience consumes your content.

It's why it drives me so nuts when RS does infiltrate these groups because it's an incredible invasion of privacy as well as the creator-reader relationship. Q&A's, panels, and personal socials are where you go to interact with the creator. A creator sneaking into a Discord group or subreddit or FB group with the intent of "listening in" would be equivalent to J.K. Rowling showing up in person to a book club meeting. It's just disrespectful to your audience and makes you look like a huge asshole. Have some grace and for once, I'll tell Rachel and her fanbase to take their own advice - if you don't like it, don't read it.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #antiloreolympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

[lololollywrites]

Step. Jump. Leap. Step.

Just wanted to do a little throwback and reblog my first flash Friday challenge, which I posted last September. I immediately realized that the prompt - Leap of faith - fit exceptionally well into my existing two-work series “Earthly Pomp (is But a Dream)” as a short prequel, from John’s perspective. Here it is in its entirety below, but you can also read it on AO3 HERE.

__________

Fuck.

Fuck.

He won’t want this. He doesn’t want me. He can’t possibly. I don’t want me anymore, for Christ’s sake. I wouldn’t be… here if not for Rosie. Well, probably. I’ve not had the bollocks yet to ever go that far, despite having considered it at various stages in my life. Melodrama. Overreacting. Woe is me, huh? What a mess. Ella’s told me otherwise, of course. Sherlock too, though a swollen lip. Trauma. Grief. Blah blah blah. Boo bloody hoo. Plenty of men have been to war and managed not to extend their misery unto others. Granted, quite a lot more… unusual trauma followed afterwards, but there are no excuses. Eurus as my therapist or no. And here I am, trying to do it again. To force my presence. Why has Sherlock put up with me as long as he has? What could possibly redeem me at this point?

He looks so sad whenever I leave. At least I think he does. I’ve been trying to look back over my shoulder whenever I turn my back on him these days.

He bought rounded furniture after the explosion. I’d thought he’d opt for perfect replicas from before, but… no.

Rounded corners.

Baby safe.

He cleans. Before I come, now.

He bought Rosie a puzzle of the periodic table for no particular reason three days ago. About four years beyond her capabilities, yes, but his eyes shone with eager excitement as he shyly handed it over.

She loves to gnaw on the blue cardboard ‘S’ for Sulfur.

For Sherlock.

Jesus.

The black hole looms up ahead. I count my steps and try to align them with my breaths. Perhaps I’ll float when I jump in, like the freeing antigravity of outer space. Or perhaps I’ll fall, like a medieval castle oubliette. With spikes at the bottom.

Faith, John.

Whichever the outcome, there’s no choice. I’m drowning now. Utterly alone. A bit of myself is left behind whenever I step down from that seventeenth step, one more task removed from the post-explosion flat recovery checklist that’s kept me tethered to Baker Street. Not much is left now. And what then? What excuse will I have to return?

No. I have to jump.

I know him. I do. I’ve recently remembered that I’ve always known him.

I’d forgotten, for a while.

I don’t think he ever has. I think he’s been waiting for me.

I hope he’s been waiting.

The thought makes me indescribably sad for him, but the hope is all I have.

I think he’ll have me. Even if just for Rosie’s sake. I’m a shit father alone. I can’t trust myself. There’s no way he trusts me, either. I see his eyes narrow whenever he greets me; assessing my mental state. My BAL. The level of my temper.

I pat Rosie’s head a bit absently, closing my eyes and sucking in a breath of smoggy London air as I pull her closer toward my chest in her carrier. She screams; tries to escape. It’s just the instinctual response of a toddler to confinement, right? To wanting to get out and explore the city streets. To needing a nappy change. A bit of a kip. Some lunch, soon. It’s nothing about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

Except I often feel like it is.

Before I know it, I’m standing outside of the familiar black door of 221 Baker Street. Mrs. Hudson isn’t home, I know. She’ll still be away with Mr. Chatterjee. They’ve patched things up, much to Sherlock’s chagrin. Something about just never filing divorce paperwork to avoid the headache. I was here just yesterday. I know this. I’m not supposed to be here. We hadn’t scheduled anything.

That’s what we do now. Schedule things.

He won’t be expecting me. I glance upwards – the curtains flutter, then shut again.

I – well. I’m not sure what to make of that, but it’s too late now. I fumble for my key, shushing a still-crying Rosie. My heart is racing.

The door opens. Sherlock stands there. His eyes are slightly wide for a moment, then his expression calms. He looks immaculate, as always.

“John, I wasn’t expecting you. Hello, little Watson.”

Rosie giggles. She giggles. From a right strop.

Suddenly I have no words. Nothing to say. I just… shrug. And Sherlock understands. He smiles, a little mismatched quirk of his lips and a crinkling at the corners of his eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home, you know.”

My breath leaves me. I feel like I might cry. I take my leap of faith.

Turns out, it’s only a small step.

#my fics #bbc sherlock #just a little throwback reblog

[contrivedcoincidences6]

Photos of us

So I haven’t written for TXF since like early 2019 but I’ve been wanting to pick up some of my old WIPs and write a bit more lately. This is a heavily unedited little thing I wrote quickly just to break myself back into Mulder and Scully’s heads. Just a little moment in a world I wish existed for them. Canon divergent Post season 9 of TXF.

***

The quaint church that sat nestled in the green rolling woods of Kila, Montana was silent that morning but for the sound of the birds that could be heard through the open windows.  Little William Scully squirmed in the arms of the church secretary, the witness, pulling to get to his mother who stood just a few feet away making faces at the baby in an attempt to break him out of his fussy mood. Mulder watched with a smile as Scully puffed up her cheeks at the toddler finally drawing a musical giggle. As if he’d timed it the pastor finally reappeared holding his reading glasses aloft to show the group he’d been successful. “Sorry about that folks,” he said as he took his place standing in front of Mulder and Scully, “where did I leave off, ah yes,” he muttered as he thumbed through his bible, “the only verse Ms. Scully requested: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.”

Mulder squeezed Scully’s hand, drawing her gaze to him from where it had been politely placed on the pastor as he spoke, and gave her a wink. She smiled at him and squeezed back, she had that same happy look on her face that he’d been surprised to see most days since they’d had to leave everything behind but he supposed he often wore the same expression. Despite the difficulties of leaving their lives and Scully’s family they were together. “Now your rings,” the pastor said, gesturing at Mulder who let go of one of Scully’s hands to ding the rings out of his pocket. They were simple gold bands that they’d chosen without ceremony a few days before. He passed his ring to Scully and took her left hand, bending to place a quick kiss on it before positioning the ring over her finger. Before the wedding Mulder had indicated to the pastor exactly the wording he wanted, not being religious Scully had let him decide any wording he wanted only saying she wanted the verse from Ecclesiastes included. The pastor began then, “‘I offer you this ring to wear as a symbol of our unbreakable bond. Let it be a reminder of my eternal faith in you.’” Mulder repeated the words and fitted the ring to Scully’s hand, treasuring the slight blush that spread across Scully’s face and the sudden wetness of her eyes. Scully repeated the words then her eyes never leaving his as she slid the ring onto his finger. He’d known for years that there would never be anyone for him but Scully and he’d said these things to her before but it became clear after not so long of being on the run that they needed to make things legal, to protect each other and William. Still it was nice to stand together and say these things. The pastor said a few more things though Mulder was not listening to much of it, he just watched Scully’s face as she looked up at him with a shy smile. He asked them if they each took the other in marriage and both answered ‘I do’ without hesitation. “By the power vested in me by the state of Montana I now pronounce you married, you may kiss,” the pastor said at last with a kind smile. Scully was pulling Mulder’s face to hers before Mulder even realized the ceremony was over. Her kiss was strong and sure, the same kiss she gave him in his jail cell that told him that she’d missed him as much as he’d missed her. William’s babbling drew them out of their kiss and they both looked over to the baby who had his arms outstretched toward them. Mulder picked up his son and held him facing Scully who gave him a delicate kiss on the forehead. “How could we leave you out?” She said in a baby voice that made William giggle. They thanked the pastor and his secretary who took a few polaroid photos of them before they left. In the car Scully looked at the pictures in her hand, one that was just the two of them smiling for the camera holding each other and the other of the three of them. “That was nice,” she said as she traced the photo of their little family with her finger and was quiet for a minute before saying, “this is the first picture of the three of us.” She didn’t say anything else after that, just looked down at the photo thoughtfully until Mulder pulled into the small town grocery store. Looking up suddenly as he stopped, Scully asked, “Did we need something?” “I was going to run in and grab us some champagne, maybe a little dessert to celebrate,” Mulder said as he unbuckled, he grinned at her and exited the car with more than one goal in mind. A few minutes later he came back with a small bag of treats for them. Scully started going through the bag but stopped when she found the main item that Mulder had gone in for. “A camera?” She said smiling as she unwrapped the plastic around the disposable camera. He heard her crank the film up and grinned as she turned in her seat to face William in the back. Scully made funny sounds until William started to giggle and she took a snapshot of the laughing baby. “Thank you, Mulder,” she said, placing a hand over his on the wheel. Mulder twisted his hand around, weaving their fingers together, and brought her hand to his lips. That night they drank champagne and made s’mores by the fire in their one room cabin as Scully took the photo she’d had taken for her mom of the three of them and wrote up a letter to her that would first be sent to a safe box that would then be picked up by Skinner in a few weeks and handed over to her mother. “When you were gone I realized how few pictures I had of you,” Scully said after William was in bed and they sat together watching the fire die down, “when I thought you were gone forever it haunted me that I only had one good picture of us together, and it was old, from some convention or another. I hadn’t even known it existed but I found it in your things and framed it. After you left to go into hiding I regretted every night that I hadn’t thought to take a picture of us before you left.” Mulder pulled her onto his lap then and hid his face in her neck, taking a deep breath and reminding himself it was real and she was there with him. “I’m so sorry Scully,” he whispered into her neck after a couple minutes, “when we get to a bigger town I’ll get you a nicer camera, we’ll take so many pictures we’ll never run short.” Her fingers ran through his hair in a familiar way and he felt her smile. “More pictures will be nice but I don’t plan on ever letting you get that far away again.”

#txf #the x files #mrs #the x files fanfic #dana scully #fox mulder

[catierambles]

Shades Ch.15

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Faith Culver (Vampire!OFC)

WC 1582

Warnings: highly alluded to sexy times Minors DNI 18+ ONLY

@brattymum96 , @ouroboros113 , @peaches1958 , @summersong69 , @henryownsme , @greensleeves888

Faith woke to the sound of a phone going off, burrowing deeper into Walter’s chest as she heard him feel for it, the tone stopping abruptly.

“Marshall.” He said drowsily. “Yes, Sir, understood. I’ll keep an eye out for them. You too, Sir.” He hung up the phone and she heard it hit the bed.

“Walter?” She asked.

“I’m on paid administrative leave pending the completion of the investigation. They’re going to station an unmarked car outside of the house in around-the-clock surveillance, just in case he tries to come here.” Walter said and she nodded. “Doubt it’ll deter him, but they don’t know that.”

“It won’t, but if it makes them feel like they’re actually doing something.” She said and he rolled over, turning her onto her back and half laying on her, shifting so he could bury his face in her neck.

“You smell good.” He muttered into her skin and she snorted, petting her fingers through his curls. “You said that drinking human blood will make you stronger.”

“Yes.”

“What if you--”

“No.” She said and he picked his head up, looking at her. “The amount I would need to take from you to get the kind of strength I would need in a short amount of time would kill you. Even if I took from you slowly over time to gain strength, it would severely weaken you. The human body requires over a month to regenerate lost red blood cells and something tells me we don’t have that kind of time. Besides, my body would work through what I took before you regenerated the amount again and we’d be back at square one.”

“It was just a thought.”

“And I appreciate it, but it’s not feasible, not from you.” She said, “I would literally need to starve myself and then binge. Like I did back when I was Rebecca Doyle.” She sighed, “There’s someone I can get into contact with again, a friend from back in the day. He doesn’t drink animal blood but has a reliable source of human blood that doesn’t involve taking a life. I’ll see if he can get me in touch with his supplier. The fridge may look like a horror movie for a while, but I can probably put it in the bottles to disguise it like I do the animal blood.”

“When’d you meet him?”

“Shortly after I came over on the boat.” She said, “Made my way west, he was living in Texas in a little town that doesn’t exist anymore. Already about a hundred when I met him. It’s been a while since we last spoke, but I should be able to get in touch with him.”

“A while as in a few months? Or a while as in a few decades? That phrase could mean something drastically different to you.”

“About a year, smartass.” She said, “His number should still be the same. In fact, where’s my…” She looked over, reaching for her phone but he cupped the side of her face in his palm, turning it back towards him and shifting upwards so he could kiss her. “Uh….okay.” She said when he pulled away, “Bit of a shift, don’t you think?” He just kissed her again, pressing her back against the pillows as he pushed up her t-shirt. “Wait, Walter, hold up.” She said, pulling away from his lips. “It’s not that I mind but are you…are you jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous?” He asked.

“Maybe because I have a male vampire friend that I’ve known for over a hundred years now whose number I still have.” He went to kiss her again, but she stopped him with a hand against his mouth. “Oh my god, you are. Walter, sweetheart, Jacoby and I are just friends. He helped me acclimate to the US when I first came over. I was used to living on a reasonably sized island, not something as big as the United States.” He didn’t say anything, not that he really could with her hand over his mouth still and she sighed. “For the love of--” Taking her hand away from his mouth, she pushed, turning him over onto his back and sitting up on him astride his hips. His hands immediately went to her thighs as she leaned over him, pressing her lips to his in a kiss that she quickly deepened, a groan shaking his chest as her tongue swirled against his. “I have never thought about him like that. You, however…” She pushed up his t-shirt, sinking her fingers into the muscle of his chest before she moved down, pressing her lips to his diaphragm as her nails dragged down his sides, making his breath hitch in his throat.

“Faith…” He tried to pull her back up, but she laced her fingers with his.

“Nuh uh, Mr. Green-Eyed-Monster.” She said, “Lay back and let me show you how much you mean to me.”

Once she was finished and he finished, she laid back up at the top of the bed after tucking him back in his sweatpants, propping herself up on an elbow and looking at him with a small smile. His eyes were unfocused but fixed on the ceiling, his lips parted as he panted heavily.

“Convinced?” She asked.

“Uh huh.” He said with a nod and she giggled, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “Is that going to make you sick?”

“I’ll be sick later.” She said with a shrug, “But I’ll be fine." She got off the bed, heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth and went over to her phone when she came back into the bedroom, picking it up and going through her contacts until she found the one she was looking for. Selecting it, she held her phone to her ear as it rang.

"Hey, doll." The accented voice said when it picked up.

"Hey, Jake. Got a favor to ask of you."

"I don't hear from you for almost a year and you call to ask a favor?" He asked, "See how you are? Anythin for you, darlin, what's up?"

"Can you get me in contact with your blood supplier?"

"Bout time you stopped drinking that animal shit." He said, "Sure can, but why the change of heart?"

"Quintus is in town."

"The fuckhead?"

"The fuckhead. I'm with someone and Quintus has taken an interest in him."

"From what you've told me about him, that's one hell of a storm brewin." Jacoby said, "Understandable you want to get as strong as you can for it. How about this? You still livin at the same place?"

"Sure am."

"I'll come by with some of my private stock and you can pick what tastes best for you. Then you'll get in touch with my supplier for your own stock."

"I can't ask that of you, Jake."

"You ain't askin, darlin, I'm offerin." Jake said, "I'm in your neighborhood anyway on a job, so I'll be there in a couple days."

"Thanks, Jake."

"Again, anythin for you, doll." Jake said, "Lay low until I get there. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?"

"I have a business to run, staff to pay. I can't lock myself away."

"Well, keep that man of yours close then, don't let him outta your sights."

“Appreciate it, Jake.” He just hummed at her and they said their goodbyes, Faith ending the call and setting her phone back on the nightstand. “We’re going to have company in a couple of days, Jake’s stopping by with a gory sample pack. He’s in town on a job.”

“A job?” Walter asked, looking over at her.

“He’s a bounty hunter.”

“A vampire bounty hunter.”

“Yeah, I know how it sounds. He’s like you, been in some kind of law enforcement his entire existence. He was the Sherriff of the town he was in when I met him, pulled me into the station not long after I got there to make sure I wasn’t going to cause trouble.” Faith said, “Bounty hunting allows him to scratch that itch and still be independent.”

“You could hire him to take care of Quintus for you.” Walter suggested.

“He’d probably do it for free if I asked, but I couldn’t ask that of him. Quintus is my problem.” Faith said and he nodded, watching as she got onto the bed again and settled against his side. Rolling, he turned her over onto her back and held himself above her, her hands going to his chest. “What, babe?”

“I understand that drinking human blood comes with…baggage for you.” He said and she nodded. “Unless it’s during certain activities.” She snorted at that and he gave her a soft smile. “So, thank you.”

“You have nothing to thank me for. I should have done this a long time ago, protecting you is just giving me yet another incentive to put him in the ground.” Lowering himself down slightly, he kissed her, feeling her hands slide across his chest and up into his hair. Pulling away from her lips, he pressed his to her chin, ducking under to lay kisses against her neck.

“Now you lay back and let me take care of you.”

“Walter…” He pressed a finger against her lips before shifting, moving down her body, and pushing up her t-shirt to press a kiss into her stomach, his hands going to her yoga pants and pulling them down her legs slowly along with her small clothes.

#henry cavill #walter marshall #shades #my writing

[allthecastlesonclouds]

castles pls ramble about your wips /is there anything you're working on and/or excited to share????

omgggg yes i have been STRUGGLING this past two weeks because i. uh. sprained my right wrist (my dominant hand) and doing Anything At All hurts so i have SO MANY thoughts in my head and nothing's going to come out of it until i'm healed

fight or flight has been a really interesting fic for me to write specifically bc i. didn't grow up religious? my mom's atheist and my dad's catholic and i've never gone to church, but religion is really interesting to me, and the topic of fate and God is really intriguing. i like looking into faith and fate and learning about the different ways people see things, and i wanted to write a fic that felt. A Lot. like my dad's Catholic Childhood ExperienceTM and where he and his siblings are now in life, since all of them fell to different religions different ways and still keep in contact. i also wanted to touch on suburban family relationships in general bc goddamn those are fucked up.

fight or flight was originally going to be a lot more Kristen Vs Mac and Donna– the document title's still a pun based on that– but the more i thought about it the little it fit with her character: as much as kristen is bold, she's much more of a say something and run character– she doesn't quite know what'll happen after she says anything, does she? and she doesn't think before she speaks, so if anything goes wrong, she's likely to flee.

i've also started revamping my Coffe AU! it was, essentially, a modern coffeeshop au where different characters were in slightly different scenarios and the bad kids didn't quite become a friendgroup until after college, where adaine and ayda ran a coffee shop and the sig figs were Vibing and riz? worked five million jobs? and aelwyn actually gets therapy. the pacing of the fic was bad, though, and it was overall unrealistic, so i'm planning out a slightly different fic– they're all going to the same excessively large college, and keep meeting up at the coffee shop Ayda and Adaine run for said college. goldenhoard was the main villain in the first one; kalina was fully a housecat; cass didn't even EXIST because i wrote it before i got a dropout account and i only could watch up to ep3 of sophomore year! that's all changing, though; the gukgaks still have a cat named kalina but she Is Named After Someone

the "fic", if i ever get around to writing it, would be an actual longfic, written from one person's perspective, and a series of oneshots for a buncha other characters. the longfic was originally from adaine's perspective, but i might go fig this time around bc my girl adaine is Hard and i want the challenge of writing from the perspective of someone who isn't the Main Character of the story.

(also. coffe!aelwyn my beloved. she's trying so hard.)

i had a riz + mordred fic in the works, but since it seems mordred is going to be in jy a lot, that one's on hold until the season goes. i wanted to write it because the premise made me laugh: it was riz really sweetly bonding with different members of mordred and then him and zayn. awkwardly staring at each other as they realize their adaine's-best-friend title will never belong to either of them again and will forever be ayda's.

i wrote a drawtectives fic recently, which i know you're not in the fanbase for but i started a second one, from york's perspective, which cycles around rosé going back to college and york learning how The City is different and what family is to him (and also learning to cook bc grandma is the Only Competent One) AND i want to round out the trio, since the first was a rosé fic and this ones a york and so the third would be a grendan one, which is about getting york to his fashion shoots, i think? that one's a lot more up in the air, because. i want them to be Mostly Separate and so i want to see where york takes me.

and, in the drawtectives vein, i'm working on episode transcripts! pre-sprain, i could do 10 pages per hour, but now i'm down to 4-6, depending on the complexity. it's the only thing i don't struggle to do bc it's mostly writing names and correcting (or messing up) some grammar. i finished s1 on the... 18th? 19th? and i'm about 25 minutes into s2ep1 so. it's gonna take a while. but GOD i'm becoming a lore keeper for this. and also my vocal recognition for These Four People Specifically is. so good now. i can recognize their hums, it's insane.

and my friend (the most lovely and also basically inactive @mug-fullof-roses) and i are making plushies! just four drawtectives (the guys and also eugene), and we're still in the fabric buying but i think i'm going to try to find some good patterns over break because. clothing??? help??

and!! bringing it around again!! i've sketched out the dumbest comic for dance au bc something happened in my dance class that had me going "bad kids right here" the entire week. my hiphop teacher started playing that billie eilish song from the barbie movie, stared at the computer for a solid five seconds, then went 'sorry this isn't it' and tapped the computer once to change it to whatcha know bout me by nicki minaj. god. wild. love her dearly.

i have So Many Quotes from dance i might just make a danceau incorrect quotes post bc. we wild.

#bird :D #and i'm talking i guess #no maintagging today #questionnn! #mug my beloved go look at her art she's so cool and talented and amazing and she made our other lovely mutual nova a doll and he's FABULOUS #like. on fight or flight. religion is so interesting to me and how it affects family relationships. #i don't think i'm atheist or religious exactly. i guess agnostic would be the best label? #maybe that makes me unqualified to write this fic but idk. family relationships can be Fucked Up by religion but also they Do Not Have To B #and coffe!aelwyn my beloved! she and fabian are such friends who slept together for months to me <3 she's Going To Therapy. good for her. #and coffe!kristen!! creates an Egg Corner!! that's one thing forever constant <3 <3 falls over the stools at least twice per visit #coffe au #i've been debating posting s1 of the transcripts now or waiting until i have s2 done #the issue is i get back from break and immediately go into Midterms Mode #and i won't have the brace off until midterms or midterms are over so. progress will be Slow #the struggles 😔 /j

[wild-at-mind]

Saw a post yesterday that I got the meaning of but thought the execution was a little misguided. Basically it was saying that you shouldn't shame people for not proving with posts that they are doing all kinds of activism around the war in I/P. But it said you shouldn't do this because maybe they are doing super secret potentiall illegal activism and it's not safe to post about. When in fact I would argue much more generally- stop writing things that attempt to shame people for not 'doing enough' activism-wise AT ALL.

I really don't get this because I've been involved in environmental activism groups for the past 4 years and the most common thing people criticise environmental activist causes for is focusing too much on individual change. (Whether this if fair or not is debatable- sometimes yes, sometimes it's definitely in bad faith, sometimes people are projecting massively, and also often they are talking about some manner of corporate activism or token 'good faith' gesture from big companies that doesn't do much and that environmental activists are alsp criticising.) Therefore now there seems to be a big resurgence in trying to make individuals feel terrible until they put their nose to the grindstone enough to solve huge, monumentally vast conflicts, I am fucking confused. Ok I am being a little flippant here but I keep seeing people who are clearly feeling quilt tripped out of their minds about not doing enough. It is very concerning. What exactly do these ranty posters expect???

There was a period in 2016-2017 where I was really trying to be more involved in activism for a number of social justice issues, but I was also in a massive depressive episode and dealing with a lot of issues with black and white thinking. The way a lot of posts on tumblr were worded like 'hey you! Fuck you because everything you're doing or may even contemplate doing in future regarding activism is wrong somehow! Oh what you feel lonely and isolated? Well don't even think about mixing with anyone local to you who cares about similar issues because what if they disagree with you slightly??? That can't happen! Best not risk it.'

I don't know why people write stuff like this but I honestly find it basically locks up my brain until I can't do anything at all. And judging by some of the recent posting I've seen on here I'm not the only one. I'm not so affected now because I'm on better meds, and now I know a lot of activists IRL which has helped. Once I had recovered from the depressive episode I started getting involved in local environmental activism, as that is the main type of activism around here, and ignored the little voice in my head that I learned from tumblr saying I should get involved in more social justice oriented causes (which plain don't exist round here FYI). Turns out that people who care about one cause care broadly about most, even if they don't always get it right, and being in activist spaces in person helped me turn off the 'oh my god what if these people are...imperfect??!' inner monologue.

No one should have to justify their level of activism to you or anyone else. I'm not even going to give reasons why they may not be able to do more because everyone already knows and also because the whole line of thinking is flawed. Not posting about something does not make you complicit in it. Not exposing yourself constantly to the most disturbing and horrible news coming out of Gaza does not mean you are looking away from injustice. If your brain says that then flip the script on yourself- tell yourself that you personally looking at these things does not help anyone in Gaza. You feeling like shit helps no one.

I think people are much more able to stand up for causes they believe in when they are not being ground down by miserable guilt tripping. I think anyone who wants to avoid this needs to also avoid going along with the logic of these posts. Whether someone is doing a tonne of secret activism or no activism- it's not my business, and it's not for me to try and judge their heart and mind. Or for any of us.

#this unproofread post may not make much sense unless you have or are aware of a particular kind of OCD #just a warning- please take me in the same good faith you would want me to extend to you if you don't understand where i'm coming from #i am prepared to risk being misunderstood to write this anyway because i'm seeing a lot of warning signs in people #of the same mental state i was in in 2016-17 #all this and i didn't even have time to write my thoughts about secret vs non-secret actions in activism #but basically i find any idea that actions eg. marches that are well known enough to talk about publically #being useless and all secret actions to be more legit and effective to be damaging #especially because it's very hard for outsiders to become involved in secret actions for obvious reasons!! #but also because i think it's not true #and thinking that is likely to make people who are trying to get involved give up and just do nothing

[shizuokadivision]

ARB Birthday Special: Reika Aichi

~~ February 13th ~~

“It did not occur to them that a woman could be dangerous. How foolish they were.”

Login Lines:

“What’s this? A gift? Little early for Valentine’s Day, isn't it? My…birthday? I see.”

“I had forgotten all about it. Thank you for reminding me, but I wonder what you could've gotten for the woman who can buy anything with a snap of her fingers.”

Voice Lines: 

“I’m not surprised I almost forgot my birthday. I've been too busy planning the Valentine's Day Gala I throw every year. It is one of the biggest social events of the winter season here in Shizuoka.”

“Birthdays haven't been the same to me ever since Mama died. Mama could never afford to buy me any gifts, but every year, she would make me a red velvet cake. We would eat it while watching whatever movies we had on VHS. I would give up all my wealth just to have her back.”

“The kids at my charity foundation wished me a happy birthday when I walked in today. They even threw me a little party. I say ‘party’ loosely as they had just decorated a little corner with their drawings. It makes me feel…happy in a way I haven't been in years seeing them enjoying themselves”

“Also many members of Shizuoka's upper class have wished me a happy birthday along with sending me many gifts. I would say that I'm pleased to get them, but we both know that they’re just pitiful attempts to stay on my good side. As if I wouldn’t kill them if they cross me.”

“You actually got me a gift, Kanon? I'm surprised it's not exactly something you do. Well, look at that you do have some shred of emotion left in that black heart of yours. Now, then what did you get me?” 

“Did you just give me the plant from ‘Little Shop of Horrors’? Kanon, why is it rubbing its head against my arm? You know what? I'm not even surprised that you made me a sentient plant monster. I guess you need a name then? How about Rita Hayworth? Swallowing a man in one bite? Kanon, please tell me you're joking.” 

“Dang Sakura, I'm feeling the love here, but what can I say? I have expensive tastes. Please tell me whatever you got me isn't as *pauses* ‘unique’ as Kanon’s gift. *snickers* Is the big bad yakuza boss scared of a few plants? Hahaha! Alright, let's see it then.” 

“Wait a second….this is a ticket for a retreat for widows and widowers wanting to mingle!? “Concerned friend” my ass you fucking bitch. Oh, so this is how we're gonna play? Alright just wait till your birthday comes around Sakura. Then we'll see who has the last laugh.”

Kanon Lines:

“Congratulations on surviving another year of this wretched existence, Reika. As amusing as the look on your face is, do you have so little faith in me? Honestly, Reika, you're one of the few people I will even consider entertaining these notions of festivities for.” 

“As for my gift, let me introduce you to Pulcher Monstrum, a hybrid of various carnivorous plants amongst…other things. Ah yes, I was quite inspired when I saw that. Don't worry about that Reika, it's sentient to a degree and appears to like your presence. Oh, do be careful replanting. It's small now due to being in a pot, but I've estimated that when you place it in the ground, it'll grow big enough to swallow a man in one bite.” 

Sakura Lines:

“Happy birthday, Reika. Has anyone ever told you you're a fucking pain in the ass to get a gift for? Fuck no, I was there when she made it, and if I'm being honest, she gave you the least dangerous one of the bunch. The others ate a man alive. Shut it, Reika. Anyway, it isn't much, but hopefully, you appreciate what I got you.” 

“Pfft! The look on your face Reika! Hahaha! *mockingly* I'm just doing my part as a concerned friend and getting you back on the dating scene. Maybe you'll even find a husband that can last longer than a couple of months. Hahaha!” 

#hypnosis microphone #hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #shizuoka division #silent tragedy #reika aichi #kanon hojo #sakura kito #happy birthday reika 2023 #alternative rap battle #arb

[murderofcrow]

so I heard you were looking for Ghost song recs

I also took a long time to get into Ghost because metal's not a go-to genre for me, and quite frankly some of their stuff just sounds downright goofy (there's a reason the phrase "Scooby Doo chase music" exists). But I ended up giving them a chance & now I've given them my soul & half my bank account.

Cirice is easily one of their best (I mean, it won them their Grammy!). That entire album, Meliora, is fantastic. It's probably my favorite in terms of overall aesthetic (Metropolis-esque) and theme (the absence of God, religious guilt/trauma, etc.). It also, imo, the best Ghoul uniforms & masks to date.

I would also like to mention that, like Sleep Token, Ghost has lore, but unlike Sleep Token, the lore continues to expand (at least more concretely) as the years go on. Each new album has a new frontman (well the last 2 are the same guy but now he's ascended but anyway), and starting with the 4th album there are also now "Chapters" on their Youtube channel further expanding the lore. And it's some wild as shit lore. I think it was the lore, the antics of the Ghouls, the overal theatricality of their performances, and the creativity of the fandom with some of the vaguer parts of the lore that ultimately made me give Ghost a chance.

ANYWAY, actual song recs sorry:

Mary On A Cross. Yes, the tiktok song. It's actually a damn good song about smoking weed and going down on a girl. What's not to love?

Faith. Probably my favorite of their last album, Prequelle. It goes so hard and for WHAT

Square Hammer. The first Ghost song I ever heard. Also very pop-like & annoyingly catchy. I was humming this song at work and my coworker whipped around and was like "YOU LIKE GHOST?" and it's all been downhill since.

Year Zero. I'm always weak for a choir accompanying metal, and there's something so damn ominous about this all-male choir calling upon the six Lords of Hell. It's definitely one that sounds better live - anything from the first two albums generally sounds better live because of the early recording conditions the band had to go through, especially on this album.

He Is. As someone who grew up in a contemporary Christian church having to hear & sing a lot of generic af pop ballads with Jesus lyrics, He Is is the ultimate in blasphemy. It's beautiful, it sounds like something your cool pastor with his acoustic guitar would make the youth ministry sing every Sunday and that they'd make you teach hand motions to the VBS kids to...and then you realize it's about the Devil.

Hunter's Moon. This was written for Halloween Kills, and a different (unfinished lol) version appeared in the credits for that film. It's just a fuckin' banger, idk what else to say.

Call Me Little Sunshine. Similar to Cirice in a lot of ways, it's lyrics carry double meaning & it has a sinister undertone.

Dance Macabre. It's very 80s rock and again, very catchy. The Carpenter Brut remix is also a banger.

lastly, a personal favorite that isn't one people usually recommend...Deus In Absentia. This one's one of the goofy-sounding Ghost songs (in my head I compare it to something out of Repo! The Genetic Opera), but it has easily the most devastating bridge section I've ever heard.

You might notice I skipped a lot of the first two albums. Idk your tastes in metal/music, but I personally found it easier to start at the end and work backwards. It made the, well, silliness and simplicity of the first two albums easier to stomach and eventually enjoy. Lots of great songs on them as well, they're just not what I usually recommend as a starting point.

Christ this was way too wordy. Sorry about that. Hope this helps!

Damn that's thorough! The detail!! The links!! Are you an actual angel? 🥺 Thank you, I really appreciate that! I'm gonna sit down this evening, make myself cozy and go through all your recommendations! ♡

#ghost #the band ghost #asks

[lacunasbalustrade]

coming out as a christian

dear friends, strangers, or haters,

I am a Christian.

You probably think that I’m strange for telling you this. Why am I posting this, here, in a space where I have never posted anything about my faith before? The answer is simple, really.

I’m coming out.

Not as an LGBTQ, as a transgender, as an intersex person (they do exist, although they are not given as much attention as transgender people in social media), but as a straight, conservative Christian.

By that, I mean a pro-life, non supportive of LGBTQ rights Christian.

Yes, at this point, many of you will stop reading.

You will unfollow.

You will shake your head at me.

If you are still reading, I will continue.

I do not support LGBTQ marriage, or LGBTQ civil unions. I do not support abortion, or Donald Trump (though he has almost nothing to do with my little rant here), and I do not support LGBTQ lifestyles. I am, in the truest sense of the word, persecuted for doing so.

Thank God.

I have always believed that all humans are equal, regardless of sexual or romantic attraction, regardless of religion, language or race. To me, we are all sinners, in one way or another, and no sin can be compared to another.  When I say I do not support LGBTQ, I am saying I do not support the act of LGBTQ sexual intercourse. No, I’m not saying I hate you as a person. No, I’m not saying that you are damned by God. No, I’m not saying that I won’t use your new pronouns, accept your sexuality, your orientation, or that pride flag on your profile picture. Quite the opposite.

I have many LGBTQ friends online, whom I treat like anyone else. I respect and use their pronouns right, and apologise if I forget (and I do sometimes. I’m not proud of it, but it takes time for me to get accustomed to them.) I read their fan fictions about queer people, and like them genuinely. I like their posts about their pride flag edit feats, gently correct those of us who forget ‘Name’s’ new sexuality, and generally try to be supportive of them in every way. So now, I’d like to affirm something.

I can love someone platonically, while still disagreeing with their life choices.

I can respect and appreciate my friends’ boundaries, while still keeping mine intact.

And I can understand how you might feel uncomfortable with being around me, a Christian.

Now, please bear with me a little longer, because I’d like to share a few stories with you.

About three years ago, I was an active user on Wattpad, a popular writing site. I had “Christian” proudly on my biography, so anyone who clicks on my profile could tell my religion. 

When I read, I don’t distinguish between ““fiction written by Christians”” and fiction written by pro-LGBTQ people. I genuinely enjoy reading queer fan fictions, understanding their point of view, and their struggles. 

Now, one day, I quite innocently followed an author I enjoyed on Wattpad. The next day, I received a long, expletive filled message in my inbox about how I should get off the author’s profile. As a Christian, I was not welcome there, I should not even think about following her, even should I not interact with her, and I should leave her the f*ck alone. 

Let me be clear, I didn’t have that account for any political or religious activity. I’m just a normal teenager, trying to consume content I find interesting, and I put that in my biography so that those who see my profile know what kind of person I am. I didn’t want to let them become friends with me under false expectations.

Please listen to another story.

Once, I had contact with another user on Wattpad. She was troubled by the Christian faith, and wanted to learn more about it. She wanted me to tell her about my faith. So I did. We were getting along quite well, until I had exams. During exams, I needed to study. I wasn’t allowed to use the internet as much. So I informed her of that, and told her I might not be able to reply so quickly. The response, once again, was startling.

““What b*llsh*t. You’re only coming up with an excuse to avoid answering my questions because you’re tired of talking to me, aren’t you? You go on and on about wanting me to be happy and caring about me but you’re just trying to censor me and get me to shut up!”  Now, if it’s okay, let me share one last experience.

I had a chat group on WhatsApp with some online friends from various social media websites whom I shared my first two stories with. Their reactions to my predicament, were pretty interesting.  “Oh, that’s sad. But those people aren’t actually LGBTQ!” 

“If they’re saying that, they aren’t actually gay/lesbian/aromantic/transgender”

“Real LGBTQ people don’t do that.”

The Church has a dark history, which I won’t bother trying to cover up. I accept, and I affirm that some Christians have given us a bad name. Would it be okay with you if you accepted and affirmed that some LGBTQ people do need to change their attitude, rather than simply erasing their presence and their identity?

I want to explain something to you.

I did not become a Christian to promote white supremacy, or male domination. I did not become a Christian to push down LGBTQ rights. I did not become a Christian to get people to shut up in the face of my oh-so-supreme morality.

In fact, I am a Chinese girl.

I became a Christian because of the truth staring me in my face:

We are all going to die.

At the end of the day, you are living for nothing.

You, and everyone you love, are going to die.

And every person I talk to about my faith, I talk to in the hope that they won’t have to die. That they can be loved by a God who cares about them more than anyone else does. I talk to them about this because I care about them and don’t want to be laughing in heaven while they are in some terrible place, empty at the end of everything. This is what I believe.

And I accept that I may be wrong.

I know that I might be wrong.

I accept that you might be the one laughing at the end of everything.

But please, remember this.

I never set out to push you down or knock you over, to act like I’m supreme or to invade your personal space. I’m not a Christian so that I can invalidate your feelings or make you believe in the same things I do.

So if that’s okay with you, please don’t censor me.

Don’t look at me like that when I say that I can’t congratulate that couple, even though you want me to.

Don’t talk behind my back when I say that I’m staying firm on my stance.

Don’t stop me from telling others what I believe in the church, or on the streets.

Don’t kick me out of my job, or drag my controversial thoughts into conversations just to try and shame me.

In social media profiles, many people put “LGBTQ friendly” in their bios to tell you where you are welcome. And that’s wonderful! More safe spaces for people, to share their stories and experiences.

And God tells me to rejoice when I am persecuted.

But at the end of the day, I still wish that I could be welcome in those spaces. That you would not ostracise or stereotype me based on my faith before you actually meet me. And I understand that I might not be welcome, but still…..these feelings, I suppose, are very much like the anxiety you experience when you come out to others.

Will you leave me alone if you know who I am?

Must I have it only one way?

Can we not be friends?

#christianity #christian #comingout #rant #questions

[spellbook-gayboy]

Drabble 48~

48.

"Ha! You're telling me!" Kyle laughed. He dabbed at his forehead, and winced slightly when they came back spotted with blood. "God, I musta come close to kickin' the bucket 'bout a hundred times by now!" He mused, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Still, invulnerability has its perks and all- gah, what the shit, Red?!"

Pavel lifted his foot off of Kyle's boot, noting the red smear that spread over it. "Invulnerability? The hole in your foot seems to disagree with you, pretty boy!" The speedster sat next to him, looking out over the devastated landscape in front of them. "Did you hear the news?"

"What, from the Pacific? I heard MacArthur and the others captured Luzon. From what Colonel Lake guessed, they'll be at Manila before the end of next January." Kyle answered. "And the hole? Last I checked, most of the Nazis we fought so far come at you with a rifle or a knife. They don't shoot lasers out their fuckin' eyes and punch you through a wall!"

Pavel nodded. He caressed his shoulder, pain flashing in his eyes as his hand ghosting over the scars left behind. "Yes. The superpowered Nazis. When the hell did that happen?"

"You still hurting from that lightning fucker, Red?"

"I'll live. Still, why am I always the one they go after first?" Pavel groaned, annoyed by the fact. "Is it because I'm a socialist? Because I'm Jewish? Both?"

Kyle blinked. "Maybe. They are Nazis, after all. Or maybe it's cause they know they can actually hurt you. They go after Brianna too, and it ain't just because she's from Jamaica. I mean, me and Ross and Holly? We can take tank shots to the face and not get a scratch. You two? Not so much."

"Hmm... who knows? Still, it's strange how long it's been since we got here. Feels like it was just yesterday that we were charging up that beach at Anzio. Now we're in the Fatherland, the lion's den. We're on their turf, and we're just in time to meet Hitler's answer to us. Supervillains." The word felt strange on his tongue, a new and frightening concept to grapple with.

"Supervillains. Never thought anything like that could exist outside a comic book!" Kyle laughed flatly, his face betraying the trepidation he felt inside. "Y'know, it feels like... my head's inside out. I mean, when the war ends, what happens to us? Do we just disappear, go home and try and act normal again? I'm nothing like I used to be, Red. My parents barely recognised me the last time they saw me, and I don't mean physically!"

Pavel looked at Kyle, concern on his face. "I don't know. If you'd told me five years ago that I'd be outrunning the sound barrier one day, I'd have called you crazy! But... you're right. The world's different now. I've watched a woman scream so loud, it shatters concrete. It feels... surreal, sometimes. Like I've fallen into Wonderland."

"You're telling me." Kyle dropped the cigarette on the ground, crushing it under his heel. "Oh well... we should be heading back."

"Yeah. Let's go." Pavel murmured. He couldn't decide which fate would be worse: 1) To never come home at all, to fall in one battle or another in France or Germany, and be carried home in a casket, or 2) To go home finally, to visit his parents in their dingy little home in Leningrad, maybe just in time for all of them to celebrate Rosh Hashanah, only for it to ring hollow from everything he'd endured, numbed to the joy and light of his faith by the multitude of horrors forced upon him. The bodies, the devastation, the sheer evil on display... was there some secret third option? One where he emerged from the din unscathed, able to throw himself back into his studies, into his faith once more?

He hoped that was a possibility. He really hoped it was.

#nothing like superpowers as a metaphor for ptsd #and thats even going into being a superhero as a metaphor for being queer #invincible #invincible oc #⚡️🔴 #pavel lenkov #🦅🛡️ #kyle washington #my asks #summerfrwrks #writing prompt friday #tw nazi mention