#you could feel the connection

[teacupsandcyanide]

Something I miss from earlier eras of the creative side of the internet was things just being unabashedly low-budget. Just all unashamedly amateur, unprofessional, ‘I don’t own a good camera but I have a story to tell you’, ‘I can’t afford a good mic but I have a song to sing for you,’ ‘I don’t have any kind of background in editing or lighting and I only just picked up this guitar last Tuesday but here’s an entire musical me and my friends wrote about our favourite book, we filmed it on a potato and put it up on YouTube in ten minute segments because we thought it was pretty funny.’

#everything felt so much less like Content then #and as someone who wants to share creative stuff online #it’s now incredibly daunting thinking about doing that bc #especially as a disabled person who can’t work full time #it feels almost impossible to extricate art from being Content #like there’s this immense pressure to produce things that could pass as professionally produced by a team of educated people #and to make smart decisions so that somehow eventually you can profit off your art #and instead of it being a ‘hey look at my silly little song’ it becomes #competing in an over saturated market already dominated by the nepotism afforded by wealth and connections #and it feels like it would very difficult not to measure my personal satisfaction with how a certain piece of art turned out #by how much attention it got online #even though I genuinely have zero desire to be famous and it sounds like a complete nightmare #anyway I’m gonna have ice cream for dinner how about you guys #hmp42

[artharakka]

Beautiful, But Broken

#bg3 #tiefling #tw blood #c: Viivi #so I redid my bg3 character because I wasn't feeling durge that much. So now my sibling does durge and I regular tav Viivi #(changed her to tiefling for funs) #at least I meant to do regular tav but uhhhhh things have gone very unfortunately very fast #anyway. Viivi is an artist; she does painting sculpting poetry and some prose. Experimenting with this and that #unfortunately she is deaf which made making connections a bit hard in the fine arts world #fortunately she has a patreon with one very generous patron (she's fey warlock)✨ who has bestowed some gifts of charms for her #which have opened doors of many art galleries #She's not a fighter so although she is confident in her own lane she is also very aware of her mortality #so she avoided any fights she could #which might have saved her but also got her into the mess of her lifetime #you see she couldn't fight the entire goblin camp and their leaders. She would've just not survived that. So she convinced them #that she is a True Soul. She is good at convincing people. It worked. They thought she is on their side. Good #Halsin also though Viivi was on their side. Halsin attacked Viivi's party. Now Halsin is dead. #So Viivi and her group were still alone deep within enemy fort. Viivi made new plans. She frees the prisoner who says he will warn the grov #Good thinks Viivi now they know to flee. I will go to Minthara and tell we got the information from prisoner of the grove location #she will trust us and we walk off #when we get back to grove they have not fled and Minthara is at the gates #Minthara wants Viivi to sound the horn. Zevlor wants Viivi to sound the horn. Viivi asks Zevlor to please tell this plan in detail. #Zevlor says just blow the horn already. Viivi does that. Minthara thanks Viivi for leaving the gate open as planned #Zevlor does not thank Viivi for that. Viivi is confused as she did not leave the gate open. (for real the damn gate was left open) #So I did a Massacre. #now Karlach is gone Wyll is dead. Lae'zel is also dead #but apparently Minthara is ready to be very loving and sincere with Viivi. The most helpful person she has met in very long time. #Viivi might love her #so that is how she's doing.

[nellasbookplanet]

In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:

There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.

Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.

Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?

From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.

Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?

#cr spoilers #sometimes i think about how oryms backstory has it baked in that will was magically impossible to bring back #while yasha was simply not powerful enough in either magic or connections to bring zuala back #and by the time she was years had gone by and yasha had moved on and bringing zuala back would've been cruel and selfish #similar to how deanna was brought back but now she was left behind and alone #speaking of could you ever truly move on from grief in a world like that? #how do you accept the inevitability of death when it isn’t necessarily permanent? #no wonder delilah and sylas went evil to keep each other alive #no wonder laerryn accidentally caused the calamity in trying to break through the planes #the hubris of a world like this would be UNREAL #as would the bitter feelings from everyone who knows this power exists but can’t access it bc they’re like. a farmer #critical role #long post #nella talks cr #cr3 spoilers

[houseswife]

house: this has absolutely nothing to do with wilson

also house: [brings up wilson unprompted] [spends 95% of the session either talking about wilson or deliberately avoiding talking about wilson] [literally admits it’s about wilson]

#yes they set it up as though the true root cause was cuddy in the end #but I beg you to consider that 1) house agreed to seriously unpack his feelings of rejection re: wilson in relation to his exacerbated #drinking & the bar fight #and 2) the patient of the week deliberately evoked moments from house’s head/wilson’s heart #with particular emphasis on the brain surgery #which was the one time that wilson ever put house second to someone else #specifically a girlfriend #AKA the exact curveball that house has just been thrown for a second time (albeit in a less grave context) #nolan suggests that house punished the patient’s husband the way he’s punishing himself because they’re both losing someone they love #yes we could assume that his alcoholism was made worse by cuddy and lucas’s commitment #but also… house started drinking himself into blackouts when sam and wilson got together. not when cuddy and lucas got together #which reminds me — the last time that house sought out getting trashed at the bar #was when WILSON AND AMBER GOT TOGETHER. this is a pattern for him. #he goes out and destroys himself when wilson becomes seriously romantically involved. ERGO…. this whole thing WAS abt wilson #I’ve connected the dots #house md #greg house #gregory house #hilson #james wilson #house/wilson #hatecrimes md #that ‘say it’ was literally him asking nolan to call him a f—

[fayzart136]

This is not for you.

#ever read a book that leaves (pun not intended) you staring at a wall for a while after finishing? #yeah. house of leaves good #confusing! but good! #never been that unnerved by typesetting before. #house of leaves #books #painting #digital #sfw #artists on tumblr #anyway i feel like i could write a whole zampano style essay about shadow puppetry and how it connects to the themes of the book #but i wont. To keep in the spirit of the book. and because im tired #oh i will point out (in case it isnt clear) #that the uppermost shadow is the hand sign for the american “here is the church this is the steeple” rhyme #and this sign goes with “open the doors and see all the people” #make of that what you will. #hmmmm btw i have been thinking of making a redbubble #mayhaps this could work for it!

[regina-del-cielo]

Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but

considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill

Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"

But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.

They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.

It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.

I don't know I just think it's particularly neat

#my ponderings #the old guard #I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game #but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die - #- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message... #it means something #I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie #for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem #especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved #but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic. #and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war) #so it feels useless #and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality #which means they can never know what happens to the people they save #they don't (and can't) have the full picture

[glitterghost]

Being ace can be pretty isolating at various times, for varying reasons that I don't feel like I have to explain because if you are ace, you probably get it.

#asexual #ace #pride #vague post but you know..*gestures to nothing* #i dont think i even need to expand on this #aromantic #could be thrown into this as well #things are just sometimes frustrating when people dont get it #if you read tags cook bc here we go a bit #there is always this talk of being left behind or being forgotten about or whatever #and yeah its true and when things happening almost in succession that makes it even more aware and apparent that yeah you kinda do get left #behind a bit* #so many ppl want marriage and or kids and its like #what about the people that want to hold on to things as they currently are? #to friends and books and cats and fictional feelings #and the way some ppl you know talk about how people gradual drift apart? #like thats a full on decision #thats not always a mutual thing #people leave at times and another person that might not be ready to end that connection with a person has to navigate their way through it #on their own #but like society is so weird to people that dont want the predictable life path #as you get older questions become are you married #do you have kids like its expected #where are the questions like whats the latest book youve read #whats your current favorite fandom #what makes you happy or brings you joy or whats a good thing about today? #not sure where im cycling down into with this bc theres too much to touch on #but not everyone wants sex or kids or marriage or crippling responsibilities of adulthood #sometimes we just want a hobbit hole to disappear into #a friend to text or pizza to eat or something funny to laugh at

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Jin Ling: Master Sleuth

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin ling #When you're so good at acting gay that you manage to fool even *this* fruity kid #Jin Ling's internalized homophobia once again saves the day #What a world we live in. #Jin Ling really said “Sorry my uncle's gaydar is so bad. Go out and frolic in the forest or whatever.” #Sure MXY's reputation helps out *and* the fact wwx was playing into that reputation #but at this point wwx has not caught feelings. This might imply that JL might actually have a good gaydar #The power is stored in his antenna. It's actually magnetized and repelled by magnetic forces similar to its own. #I ended up cutting it from the script but I really love the convo that follows this moment. #the 'two phrases' scene means so much to me. Its about realizing that there are times you *need* to put your pride aside #It doesn't matter if you feel its 'cringe' or makes you look bad. You can't connect with others up high on your self-made pedestal #I could go on but I'll leave it there for now B*)

[macbethz]

Is ncuti the first Built doctor who. The first absolutely shredded doctor who

#immsooo drunk I love him #I LOVE THIS PHOTO SOOO MUCHV #the more I think abt him the more im like ❤️❤️❤️❤️ #like we had him for 5 min and I am already like I would die for you #warlock wartalks #HIS KILT!! #his fashion feels so distinctly connected to both the gay scene and like specifically modern gay clubwear in a way I really love #like he still feels distinctly Doctor in appearance but also I could meet him at the gay club

[anti-transphobia]

Random reminder that I HATE Plushie Dreadful!! Those mental illness/disabilities plushes? Typically rabbits? There's been a lot of criticism over them about ableism in the past. Personal feelings about disorders being marketed, formerly partnering with Autism Speaks, etc. But one thing people don't seem to notice is the ableism towards schizophrenics, narcissists, and antisocials! This site with a bunch of beautifly designed rabbit stuffed animals decided to make the schizophrenic and antisocial plushes noticably creepier than most others. The antisocial one at the very least came out cuter than the concept art. But the schizophrenic one is openly based on serial killers. And NPD? The official Twitter account made a poll about what the design should be, made degrading comments about narcissists, and liked comments by people making fun of narcissists. In the end, in order to not make the npd plush TOO special or unique looking, made it a plain brown rabbit with a paper crown (openly saying it's because pwnpd aren't actually special or deserving of a real one). When contacted by pwnpd with criticism/feedback, like they say they accept, they ignored it

Ableism towards disorders people find "scary" or "bad" is still ableism!!! It's still shitty!!!

#plushie dreadfuls #npd #aspd #schizospec #also this isn't about personal preference to be clear #like no matter how an individual feels about a disorder they have being marketed. some people fairly dislike it other people fairly like it #and obviously people with the disorders i listed could like the designs #but this is about acknowledging how it's fucked up they did that in the first place #like. you can personally like something and connect to it even though the context is bad. ive connected to ableist media before #because in the ableism they accidentally captured an experience that resonated with me even if it wasnt meant to #but that doesn't mean i don't know it's bigoted and fucked up

[mueritos]

started a new job recently as a research assistant for a gay Latinx professor in my grad program, and while I definitely don't have the time to be doing my own research, working with this professor on his book projects has been so affirming and healing. i'm working on a book he hopes to publish soon that is full of interviews of gay and trans Latine men...and it is so fucking awesome. I feel so seen by the words I am reading, and I feel tears spring to my eyes looking at the photographs of these men. They look like family members, distant cousins, and family friends. They look so happy and full of confidence. I see myself in their eyes, recognizing the "fish" shape in our eyes that is so distinctly tied to Latines. One of the men in the book is a pup! And it is so beautiful seeing his smile as he holds his pup mask.

I have met very few queer latines. I don't know what it's like to have the tio or tia that has some secret aura to them, that "no se habla" vibes where everyone knows they're queer but just won't acknowledge it. Hell, this professor I'm working with is the first gay Latine man I've ever spoken to. I wish I had a community of gay Latines. I hope I am able to access that one day :)

#muerto talks #just rambling #reading thru this manuscript has me feeling some intense emotions #ive always been the person other queers look up to #and i always wish i had someone i could look up to #this reminds me that when im back home for the summer i should totally connect my emotional support gay professor from undergrad #i have never felt such acceptance and joy man #life be good when you have an older gay BIPOC man in your life #LIKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADOPT ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #this makes 3 gay male professors i know that i look at with very big round and wet eyes #my research professor is also a gay man and im like so captivated by him in class #i be on cloud 9 when i say something in class and he continously references it #LIKE YES I WON!!! #I WON!!!!

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[codacheetah]

I've drawn Loop Goop before but not my actual capital h Headcanons so. Here's how Loop bleeds in my mind

#codacheetah #my art #isat #in stars and time #isat loop #cw blood #cw injury #warning for ig more explicitly gory thinking in the rest of the tags ---> #i just think it's inchresting to think about.... does loop even have organs? #im on team 'miscellaneous goop and flesh in the vague shape of a body system. like if u stuck ur hand in their star and pushed through #(which is something you could totally do. with some resistance) #you could feel around up in there and there'd be noticable masses but none of them would be fully developed as organs. like theyd be kinda #liquefied and only loosely connected to each other. #loop doesn't actually NEED to sleep or breathe and they can't eat but they are capable of circulating air around in there and theyll go nut #like mentally if they dont sleep. but if pressed they dont actually have any inescapable bodily needs. #even in terms of injury they'd be kinda hard to kill since none of their 'organs' actually do anything. it'd just be a game of waiting for #them to either empty out or go catatonic from pain #um. anyways. sorry to keep afflicting you with random injuries for the sake of experimentation loop

[chirpsythismorning]

S5 opener REAL

#byler #will byers #stranger things #every season besides s4-5 opens with non main characters #for el we got a flashback of the lab followed by her perspective in the scene directly after #and I think for Will we will see something similar #with us getting the flashback of him in castle byers in the UD #followed by him in the present in the scene after #but what exactly would warrant that memory being brought up in association with Will in the present? #mayhaps his connection to the mindflayer and the UD run deeper than we realize… #it’s likely not something he could just rid himself of in s2 and now he’s all good #he literally still feels a connection to everything he is feeling #that means he is still technically at risk of being the spy in some capacity #the massacre at Hawkins lab also was a guiding force for El discovering the ‘truth’ in s4 #so it’s likely for Will this instance will operate in a way that re-contextualizes the events in the past up to now #like that time Will suggested they go to the hospital in s3 only for the flayed to be waiting for them #or how flayed Billy knew they were at the cabin… #all while Will was looking cryptic as hell in that scene watching over el #or the fact that he picked Billy in the first place the season after he focused on Will… #you know.. williams #I think the easiest way to introduce the castle Byers flashback is a dream honestly #specifically a dream within a dream #seeing that recent leak and Will looking like either he has a black or hasn’t slept in days #is giving very much ‘I am afraid to sleep bc I’m scared of what will happen’ #I think dude is not exactly possessed in the sense that we already saw in s2 with like the particicles #but he’s still vulnerable #the door is still ajar… #no but fr this idea of opening a door in your mind was so blatant in st2 AND s3b of teen wolf #I think a big part of it will be guilting Will over the fact that Will has helped him before without Will telling the others #hence his weird vibe in s3… like he’s already successfully fucked with Will post s2 potentially with us being none the wiser aka here we go

[sheryl-lee]

idk if this makes sense. but i kind of love that the last of us makes me cry and viscerally FEEL true emotions on a weekly basis. like i cant remember the last tv show i watched that had me consistently bawling my eyes out and so immersed in a show because of the characters, the story, the incredibly strong writing, etc. and it doesn't feel manipulative. it just feels profound and beautiful and poetic but also tragic and... human.

#it's a whole spectrum of emotion!!! it's beautifully tragically human!!!! is that not what it is to exist!!!! #and it's therapeutic honestly. to spend like an hour in a world that isnt real but that you can relate aspects of your life to. #and you can just connect to these characters and their experiences and release the emotions that have been building up inside. #i'm sure that if you've played the game you feel this all the more strongly #but as someone who hasn't and went into tlou without prior knowledge #i'm just very pleased with it and idk i love watching a show that can elicit such a strong reaction from me #granted i AM what people would call 'sensitive' and 'emotional' or whatever #but even for me i dont think i've felt quite this intensely about a show - especially not right away during a first season #these are just my half baked thoughts and i definitely could say so much more but i'll leave it here for now #sameera.txt #the last of us

[bajablastflavoredsaxreed]

so episode 10 huh

(shaded version under cut)

#tmagp #my art #gwen i love you but you gotta get ur act together 😭 #tmagp 10 #gwendolyn bouchard #gwen bouchard #the magnus protocol #magpod #mr bonzo #//horror #i guess? better safe than sorry #i feel like i am deeply connected to fnaf fans now btw #i’m not into mascot horror but i could be convinced #and tmagp is doing a DAMN good job of it #his teeth are NOT soft