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#you mark my words they are coming after them
rafesfavgirl · 3 days
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with a broken heart — r. cameron
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part 1. something a little more lighthearted to make up for breaking y'alls hearts :)
series: every few lifetimes
❝ i was grinning like i'm winning  i was hitting my marks 'cause i can do it with a broken heart ❞
pairing: ex-bf!rafe x fem!reader
context: after getting your heart broken, you pack your bags and leave the obx, only to come face to face with rafe again, eight years later.
words: 2.4k+
warnings: rafe and reader are aged up (26/27), old flames, FLUFF
"now remember, this client's a big prospect," your boss says as you follow him out of the office car and into the building you were scoping out today. "i guarantee if you can close this deal, you'll be well on your way to becoming the next junior partner."
"hank, are you serious?" you stop in your tracks and he looks at you. 
when you first left the outer banks for new york, you went to nyu without a clue on what you wanted to do with the rest of your life. somewhere along the way, you graduated magna cum laude and pursued law school at columbia. your first year, hank took you on as an intern, and by the time you graduated, you had a job lined up for you at one of the biggest real estate agencies in the world. and though you knew how well you did your job, becoming junior partner as a second-year associate was way beyond where you thought you'd be—it was nothing short of a dream come true.
"don't think what you've done for this company has been lost on me, y/n," he tells you. "you're an asset. i knew it since that first summer i took you on as an intern."
a smile comes across your lips. "well, i can't disappoint," you say. "let's close this fucking deal."
"that's what i like to hear, come on," he continues leading you through the building, until the two of you reached a tall guy with a buzzcut wearing a navy blue suit scoping out the place.
"mr. cameron," you don't miss the familiar name when you and your boss stop behind him, your breath hitching when the guy turns around to greet you both. "this is-"
"y/n," your name rolls off rafe's tongue the same way it always did, your heart beating so hard you feared it'd jump out of your chest.
hank's eyes shift between the two of you, as he shakes rafe's hand. "you two know each other?"
"yeah," rafe nods, his eyes set on you—he couldn't believe that you were actually standing in front of him. a part of him thought that when you left the obx he'd never see you again. "we uh— we went to high school together."
"well that's wonderful," hank smiles. "no need for the awkward introduction then."
except— it was awkward. you didn't just go to high school together. you fell in love in high school. and two months before you chose to go to nyu, rafe broke your heart.
"y/n here will be the one walking you through the contract, and hopefully setting you up with one of our best architects," hank explains to him, while you continue trying to process the fact that he was actually here.
what were the odds that he was the client you needed to win over in order to make junior partner? 
"so, does that all sound good to you?" you finish going over the contract for the building and look at rafe.
the two of you hovered over a table in the empty space that you'd spread out all the documents on.
"yeah, y/n, it all sounds great." the smile he throws your way makes your stomach turn in the worst way—making you realize that the piece of your heart that never stopped beating for him still existed. "where do i sign?"
"uh— right here," you pick up your pen to draw x's on all the lines he had to sign on, before holding it out to him.
he takes it from you, and you watch as he leans over to sign on each and everyone of them, your eyes trailing over how well his suit fit him.
he must hit the gym at least four times a week, you thought. he's grown quite a bit since you last saw him.
"there you go," rafe hands the pen back out to you, and you take it from him with a smile.
"thank you," you say. "you won't regret it."
"oh, i know," he nods, eyes scanning over your face. "i'd never regret anything that involves you."
you feel the heat rise on your cheeks, but you keep it professional, gathering the files on the table back into your folder. "well then, i'll leave you with the contacts of our architects and if you have any further questions, you can reach out to hank or any of the other executives."
"yeah, okay," he replies, hiding his disappointment in the fact that you didn't tell him to contact you with any questions he may have.
"it was a pleasure doing business with you, mr. cameron," you hold out a hand to him for a handshake and he stares at it for a second, before reluctantly placing his hand in yours.
"it sure was," he smiles. "but you know you can just call me rafe, don't you?"
"this is how i address all my clients," you tell him. "it's just the professional thing to do."
"yeah, yeah, i get it," he nods. "guess i'm just not used to it coming from you."
you crack a smile at his somewhat nervous stance—you weren't used to seeing him this way. "it was nice to see you again, rafe. good luck with everything."
"yeah," he grins. "you too."
you turn to walk away, while rafe stays back, scratching the back of his head in contemplation before calling out to you. "hey y/n?"
"yeah?" you ask, stopping to look at him again.
"you got any plans tonight?"
"rafe, i-"
"oh, come on," he cuts you off, slowly closing the distance between you two. "there's no reason we can't be friends, right?"
wrong—there were many reasons. one being that you spent years piecing yourself back together after he decided to give up on you. 
"let's catch up," he persists, his blue eyes locking with yours. "get a drink with me tonight."
despite your head screaming no, you agree. "one drink," you say, causing a smile to spread across his face. "ten o'clock. meet me at the bar on fifth."
the second you walk into the bar, rafe rises from his stool at the counter and waves you over. he had gotten there 30 minutes early to make sure you weren't left waiting for him—you'd done enough of that.
"hey," he seems nervous when you reach him, wiping his hands on his slacks before reluctantly wrapping his arms around you in a hug.
you resist the urge to giggle—it was kinda entertaining to see this six-foot-two tall man get nervous around you—and briefly return his hug.
"have you been here long?" you ask, taking off your jacket and taking a seat in the empty stool beside him.
"nah, just about five minutes or so," he lies, shrugging and giving you a lopsided smile, as the bartender walks up to greet you both.
"anything i can get you?" she asks, eyes lingering on rafe for a little longer than you.
"just a glass of whiskey for me," rafe tells her. "neat."
"and i'll just have a glass of pinot noir," you say, when the girl turns to look at you. "thank you."
"and you can just put it on this," rafe reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, and you cut in. "rafe, you don't have to-"
"nonsense," he shakes his head at you and slides his black amex across to the bartender. "i invited you out. it's on me."
the bartender picks up his card, and gives him a smile. "rafe cameron. i'll remember that."
subtly, rafe rolls his eyes and you hold back a snicker. "please don't."
the bartender huffs as her eyes shifts between the two of you, but walks away without another word to get your drinks and charge rafe's card.
you kink a brow at him. "you get bartenders flirting with you a lot?"
"i guess it happens every now and then," he shrugs.
"it's definitely the buzz," you tell him, as a different bartender brings over your drinks and hands rafe back his card.
"thank you," he briefly acknowledges him, before turning his attention back on you, an amused smile on his face. "you think?"
"yeah," you nod, bringing your wine glass up to take a sip. "it makes you look older— more mature. it suits you."
he cracks a smile, a small chuckle slipping out from between his lips. "and being a lawyer suits you."
"you really think so?"
"yeah," he nodded, taking a sip of his whiskey. "you looked so cute all dressed up in your little suit," those words make the heat rise on your cheeks, and you hide it with your wine glass. "i've never seen you more in your element. what made you choose law?"
"well…" you trail off, wondering whether or not you should tell him the truth. oh, fuck it. "after we broke up, i found out got into nyu. i was so… mad and hurt over you ending it that i packed my bags and i left, without looking back. during the summers, i stayed here and worked internships with the school just so i'd have an excuse not to go home."
he listened intently, a look of indifference falling across his features. a part of him was hurt at hearing that he'd broken your heart so badly you felt the need to leave, but the other part was proud. you really did that. figured your shit out and made a life for yourself—just like he always knew you would.
"after my second year, i worked an internship with a property management company in brooklyn. we scoped out places all around the city, and i don't know… i kinda just fell in love with it. seeing how happy people got when we'd found them the right apartment or the right space for them to start their business just made me feel really good. so i declared real estate as my major junior year and decided on law school," you continued.
"doll, that's amazing," he smiled, blue eyes twinkling. "which law school did you go to?"
"columbia," you reply, his eyes only widening in amazement. no words could describe the amount of pride in his chest right now. "but enough about me. what about you?"
"oh— uh…" he started and set his whiskey down on the bar. "after you left, i went to rehab. went in and out of that place for about two or three years… i mean, you knew how bad it was— wasn't easy."
you frown upon hearing his struggles with rehab and relapsing, but nod along as he continues.
"been clean for about four years now though," he shrugs, as if it wasn't some big accomplishment.
"rafe, that's amazing," you tell him, setting your glass down on the bar. "good for you."
"i had to," he nodded. "not only for me, but for dad, too. he was starting to talk business and expanding the company, and i just… i couldn't let him down. especially not after i let you down."
you glance down, no longer being able to meet his eyes. you knew that your past together had to come up at one point, you just weren't ready for it. mainly because even after all this time, there was still that little piece of your heart that never stopped belonging to him. it would always be his. "rafe…"
"i hope i'm not being too forward when i ask you this but…" his hand reaches out to touch yours, and you look up at him. "are you seeing anyone?"
"no, i'm not," you shake your head. "after we broke up, i didn't really date much. and even when i did, nothing ever really stuck."
that was enough to have a smile crack across his his, eyes brighter than you'd seen them in a really long time. "guess that makes two of us."
"guess so," you shrug, thoughts running through your mind a hundred times a minute as you try to find a way to change the subject. you weren't ready for where this conversation was about to go. at least, not yet. "but, uh— tell me about cameron development, how's that going?"
he chuckles at your eagerness to change the subject, as you sipped on your wine, but goes with it. he'd break you down again. eventually.
after finishing your drinks at the bar, rafe offered to walk you home since your apartment was only about a block or two away, assuring you that he'd just get a cab back to his hotel afterward.
and while a part of you screamed at you to say no, that little piece of your heart that still beat for him won over, and you agreed.
"well, this is me," you say, stopping in front of your apartment complex and looking at him. "it was really nice to see you, rafe."
"so that's it?" he asks, catching you off guard. "this just ends here?"
he takes a step towards you, making your heart pitter-patter, as his eyes scanned your face.
"rafe-"
"don't you ever wonder…" he cuts you off, his gaze lingering on your lips for just a moment before his eyes shifted to meet yours. "what we could've been? what we could be?"
"i-"
"i know i fucked shit up with you, a'ight?" he said, hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.
the gesture threatens to make your eyes flutter close at the feeling of his familiar touch, but you keep your composure.
"i was young and i was stupid, and i thought you deserved better," he continued. "but y/n, there isn't a day that has gone by in the last eight years that you haven't crossed my mind. i think about you all the time, just hoping for the day you'd finally come back to the banks."
your breath hitches at his confession, that tiny piece of your heart that held onto him, growing three sizes.
"i know i don't deserve a second chance, i know that," he told you. "but i'm not the guy i was back in high school. i'm clean now, and i've turned my life around. i can be that guy for you now. the one you needed me to be all those years ago."
"okay," you whisper.
"what?" he musn't have heard you right.
"i'd be lying to myself if i said i haven't thought about you either, rafe," you say.
a small chuckle falls from his lips, which spread into a smile. "seriously?"
you nod. "come pick me up at seven tomorrow. let's give it a chance."
part 3 coming soon!!
i'm rooting for them tbh
reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33
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sidthedollface2 · 17 hours
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Something Old and Something New
Pairing: Azriel x Reader (Rhys sister)
Summary: Rhys tells Azriel to back off Elain and find release at a pleasure hall. Instead, Azriel finds you, Rhys' younger sister. 
Or
The Princess of the Night Court becomes Azriels rebound. What could possibly go wrong?
Word count: 4.8k
Warnings: MDNI 18+, ANGST, hurt/no comfort, cheating? (not really tho you'll see), smut (p in v, oral, fingering) no use of yn, nicknames, drug use, alcohol.
A/n: I’m back from vacation and decided to do this one shot in between crown fit for a god. I really don't like using yn (its me not you) so every one of my fics will have a nickname but its still x reader. I’m sorry in advance if this hurts you. Anyway, enjoy. :)
“You will leave Elain alone. If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her.” 
Azriel hadn't slept in weeks. The weight of his shame suddenly became too heavy for his illyrian shoulders. You weren't supposed to be this magnetic and he wasn't supposed to stick around this long. He told himself it was just going to be a quick fling, someone he could spend the night with and try to forget about her.
 But you had always been in his company. Ever since you became of age he thought you were stunning and entirely too good for him. You were afterall Rhysands younger sister. The female version with equal power and even more beautiful. Graceful when needed, mostly among people of importance, and always polite and kind like a princess should be. You were a Princess for the people, earning the citizens trust and walking among them like each and every person was your friend. It was no secret why they preferred your company to their High Lord.
Your amethyst eyes were now engrained behind his very own eyelids, everytime he closed his eyes for the night, they shot wide open. The image of you under him all those nights and the soft moans as he took you to bed in the shroud of darkness. He really didn’t know how it happened, mostly, he blamed it on the alcohol. One night after Ritas was all it took for him to be obsessed, seeking you out when his loneliness threatened to consume him.
Azriel’s panting mixes with your own moans as he pumps himself inside you. The delicious drag of his thick cock leaves you breathless under him. His touch is gentle as he cups your cheek, his hazel eyes never leaving yours as he imagines forever in your arms. “You're so beautiful. Can’t believe I get to have you.” He coo’s as he trails soft kisses down your neck, nipping and biting your flesh, careful to not leave any marks. Your hands card through his dark waves, back arching off the bed when his lips attach to your pebbled nipple.
Kissing and biting at the fullness of your breasts, soothing away the love bruising he left on them previously. His scarred hands feel like silk when they roam the soft curves of your body, lighting a fire within you with each and every touch. Knees dig into the bed as he grips your hips, still completely sheathed inside you. He moves your body against his, matching the velocity of his thrusts. Deeper and deeper. One arm wraps around your waist while the other rubs tiny circles on your clit. His eyes never leave your beautiful face as his favorite part comes to life right before him. Your head is thrown back, mouth agape as pleasure builds in the pit of your stomach. “Oh fuck Az, don’t stop.” Azriel’s eyes sparkle with wonder as you fall apart beneath him. Toes curling as the force of your orgasm takes over all your senses. Azriel follows soon after. His pace stutters as your name falls from his lips with a groan. Spilling his seed into you with slow thrusts, ensuring each drop doesn't go to waste.
 “You were so good for me baby,” he smiles as he peppers your face with kisses. Azriel pulls out with a hiss and you giggle into the covers when his toned ass walks to the bathroom. You pout adorably when he returns wearing a pair of low hanging pants, and a warm cloth in his hands. “None of that love. I’m all yours and very willing to give you seconds and thirds,” he waggles his eyebrows and nestles between your legs. No shame or embarrassment from neither of you as he gently cleans you up. In between his gentle wipes he places a loud kiss to your core, “so fucken pretty.”
“Pink or Red?” He asks, looking through your assortment of panties, imagining how you'd look wearing the lacey ones. “Black.” Is all you reply and Azriels grin widens when you pick the lacey ones. 
He insists on helping you get dressed, pinching your butt and digging his fingers in your sides, making you giggle. You swat his greedy hands away. knowing it's just an excuse to keep touching you. “I’m not going to let you help me next time, all you do is tickle me,” you joke, knowing very well you couldn’t keep him away if you tried. “Fine. I won’t tickle you next time,” he says, crossing his arms with a sly grin on his handsome face. 
“You said that last time, and the time before that too.”
Like a true Royal he fed you ripe grapes from the vine, watching intently as you parted your mouth for the sweet berry. Azriel licked his lips when your mouth wrapped around the fruit, making you chuckle as you pulled it off the stem. “When you said snacks this is not what I had in mind. I was thinking more like dessert.” 
“Then you should know what to expect. Now come to bed, and snack with me.” Azriel moves to lay on the bed and opens the covers. Patting the space next to him with the palm of his hand, beckoning you next to him. You don’t have to be told twice, because this was without a doubt your favorite part. Like clockwork Azriel requested all your favorite snacks and without hesitation the house delivered.
“You just had dessert baby,” he teased with a shit eating grin as he gestured to his cock. You couldn’t help the snort that escaped from the back of your throat, causing you both to burst into fits of laughter, giggling like children. Who knew the shadowsinger belly laughed so openly. Something he only did with you. Once your laughs died down Azriel indulged you with a sweet treat. Again offering to spoon feed you, taking every chance to lick frosting off your glossy lips or fingers. 
By the end of the night you couldn't believe how sore your cheeks were from laughing so hard. Azriel had this charm about him, and you couldn’t get enough. You draped your arm over his toned stomach. Head nestled against his chest, listening to the rhythm of his strong heart, a melody you loved to fall asleep to. He held you close to his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, inhaling the scent of your hair, “Goodnight baby,” he whispered. 
“Night Az, I love you.” 
Silence. 
Azriel didn’t sleep that night. Neither did you. You didn’t expect him to say the words back, because he’d shown you he loved you in his actions alone. But his coldness afterward was unexpected. He laid still under you. No longer stroking your hair, or rubbing small circles on your back. It was like all the air had left his body yet the rhythm of his heart increased, hammering against his chest with the ferocity of a freight train.  If he felt your saddened tears fall on his chest he didn’t mention it, too caught up in his thoughts to console you. 
But now all his thoughts were of you and how quick your love had turned bitter when he didn't respond after you had said those three words to him. 
He was an idiot. Because he did love you. At the very sight of you his heart beat wildly in his chest. He wanted to spend every waking moment holding your hand and kissing your perfect lips. Fall asleep with you in his arms only to be awoken by your feminine beauty.  But Rhysand was unaware that you two were in a relationship. Were you in a relationship? He never asked. Wanted to. But he didn’t. He couldn’t imagine a day where Rhys would accept him as your lover. Rhys had been furious that he wanted to sleep with Elain, threatening him to no end. He couldn't imagine the anger if he were to find out that he turned his efforts to you instead. There were only a few things Azriel was scared of. Rhysands fury if he were to ever find out he’s been sleeping with his sister. And losing you. Those sort of went hand and hand didn’t they. 
You woke up alone the following morning. Thinking that your confession was too much for the shadowsinger. And perhaps you were just one of his many conquests added to the long list of females that warmed his bed. For as long as you knew Azriel he only had casual flings, nothing of substance. No one he introduced to his family. It made you feel stupid. He made you feel stupid. Hoping that you were the one he could call home. Someone he could envision spending the rest of his life with. You could forgive him for not saying ‘I love you’ back. That didn’t stop you from loving him and that didn’t mean he didn’t care about you. Because surely he did right? 
Right?
It wasn’t just that though, you had overheard Azriel tell Cassian sleeping with you was a mistake and that choosing you to be his rebound hadn’t worked out for him. “She said she loved me. It’s just all wrong. This wasn’t how I wanted things to go between us-” You didn’t bother hearing the rest of the conversation. Azriel’s words left your heart gaping, a wound so large you were afraid no one could mend it.
You had missed the importance of his following words, how Azriel wished he had done things right with you. Courted you the right way, with flowers and lovely dates to the finest eateries. Taking things slow at first, holding hands and sweet kisses under the moonlight. You didn’t hear Azriel explain that you had become more than he ever expected, more than just a rebound. He wanted a life with you. Now and forever, just you two and the family he always wanted.
You’d both move into a beautiful house just along the Sidra where you’d spend hours decorating every room to your liking. He’d soon marry you in front of all his family and friends, wearing the finest gown that glittered brighter than the night sky. During the mating frenzy, because of course you were his mate, he’d be sure to fuck a baby into you. And if his seed didn’t stick he wouldn't stop until your scent shifted to one of a pregnant female. He just hoped that Rhysand would give his blessing. 
Now everytime Azriel tried to seek you out, you were nowhere to be found. Like you had just vanished from the Night Court, even though the other members had interactions with you. You suddenly had no time for Azriel. The citizens of Velaris saw you less and less and when they did, your time spent was cut in half. Your joyous laughter no longer echoed the halls of the House of Wind, instead Cassian and Nesta’s not so secret sex romps were becoming more frequent. You had changed your entire schedule to avoid crossing paths with the shadowsinger. 
You no longer spent your mornings having breakfast with Rhysand and Feyre, instead you woke up earlier than usual and held your morning breakfast in the library. 
 “Why are you having breakfast here and not with Rhys?” Azriels hazel eyes took you in as he neared, noticing your tense shoulders. Closing the book in your hand, now finished with your chapter, you stand and gather your items into your bag, “was just catching up on some reading.” You don’t meet his gaze, the sight of him too painful for your heart to bear. “You haven’t been training with Cassian either,” he continues. “Or shopping with Mor. You haven't exchanged books with Nesta and,” Azriel towers over you, his breath fanning over your cheek at his closeness, “you haven’t warmed my bed.” Your eyes finally meet his, a look of desire in his warm eyes as his hands come up to cup your face. A glance over his shoulder has you pulling away from his touch as Elain enters the library, her soft voice dancing along the walls, “Hi Az.”
He ignores her completely, doesn’t even spare her a glance. But your eyes travel from her to him and back again. You see the fondness she has for him in the flush of her cheeks and the way her voice sings as she calls his name.
Memories of their subtle interactions come crashing into your mind. Her shy gaze whenever he walked in the room. The slight brush of fingers when they crossed paths, his lingering gaze when she exited a room.
He’s not yours, and you're not his. Never was, never will be. It dawns on you then that all the soft touches and lingering glances were never sincere but simply a ploy to get Elain jealous. Everytime you made love to him you gave a part of yourself, hoping he would accept you with open arms and an open heart.
You had hoped you were the only one in his life that made him throw his head back, eyes closed shut in ecstasy. But it's clear now when he closed his eyes he saw Elain riding him instead, not you. She was who he really wanted and you were just a placeholder. The rebound. 
He knows you well enough to tell when you're about to fall apart and now is one of those instances. It clicks for him now why he hasn’t seen you. Azriel catches your arm before you dart away, his touch gentle yet firm “you're avoiding me.” He says, worry etched all over his face as he attempts to pull you into his chest. “I’ve figured it out so you can stop pretending to care about me now.” A tear escapes your waterline and Azriel reaches to thumb away the hurt that he's caused.
You don't give him the chance as you swat his hand away and turn to make your exit. He’s panicking now watching you practically run away from him, as you hurry to get away from his presence.
A wound so intense suddenly opens within his heart. With no other option but to just blurt out the first thing that comes to his mind to keep you close. “I adore you!” he says breathlessly and waits for you to run into his arms so he could kiss you silly. When you turn around to confront him, Elain comes up from behind him and wraps her arms around his middle in a tight squeeze. A picture perfect couple you think to yourself, her innocent personality and bubbly nature a lovely contrast to his tall, dark and handsome. Azriel can’t pry her arms off him in time to chase after you before you rush out of the library, traces of your scent still lingering in the air. 
You run and run you're not sure for how long, just long enough till your tears are dried tracks along your soft cheeks. You find yourself in the arms of your brother, clutching his shirt in your closed fist as you loosen the cries that held your throat hostage. “Hey hey, what's wrong?” he coo’s pulling away just enough to see the heartbreak etched in your pretty face. “Send me away please Rhys, I am begging. I never ask anything of you, it doesn’t have to be forever, just a few months.” Your shoulders are shaking violently as you continue to wail into his chest, the intensity of your cries cracking the high lord into submission. “Are you sure, love? I can fix-” 
“No! There's nothing you can do.” 
Rhys nods, winnowing you to a secret cabin that sits along the border of The Night Court. “Just tell me this. Are you in any danger?” he asks, “because I know Azriel and Cassian or even myself will-” 
You wince at the mention of Azriels name, “I’m not in any danger, brother.” You assure him as you settle on the couch in front of the hearth, pulling a warm throw over your body and curling in on yourself. “Good, that’s good. I’ll talk to Kallias. He has someone he wants you to meet. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind hosting you for as long as you need.” Rhysand takes one last look at you, studying how unhappy you look, hoping you can confide in him your troubles, whatever they may be. You lay bundled under the comfort of the blanket, your glossy eyes staring into the flames of the fireplace. It’s heat providing a comfort you wish was someone else's. 
Azriel enters your room frantically searching for you, but he gasps and stumbles back when he sees Cerridwen packing your belongings. “Where is she?” he asks, his voice tense and panicked as he grips her by the shoulders. “I’m afraid I don’t have that information.” 
“Why are you packing her stuff then?” He starts shaking her shoulders, as if it would quicken her answer. “She’ll be visiting the Winter Court and Rhysand requests her favorite items to be sent to her.” 
You were running away from him, when all he wanted was to run toward you. Azriels world shattered completely. If you weren't here to live beside him then he had no interest in living. He had been too complacent in being in the now and not once had he initiated to be something serious. Now he was left with longing. 
That same night Rhysand made accommodations for you to stay in the Winter Courts Palace. Kallias and Vivienne were more than happy to have you stay with them. They were quite eager to introduce you to their son Kit. Hoping that with time you’d become great friends. Kit was the spitting image of his father. His white hair styled to perfection, with not a single strand misplaced. Chiseled cheekbones and a sharp jaw, pouty lips with Icy blue eyes to match his cool demeanor. His eyes trailed your beautiful curves as he bowed, taking your hand within his, placing a tender kiss to your delicate knuckles. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Princess.” 
Your violet eyes met his and for a moment his pretty face made you forget about your heartbreak. Kit extended his elbow to you and without a second doubt you linked your arm with his as he led you to see the beauty of his Court. 
You spent the next two weeks in the company of the future Heir. Kit remained a respectful host. Introducing you to his closest friends, a welcomed change of personalities compared to your friends from home. Each evening he’d join you for dinner. Offering a different restaurant each night in hopes to expand your palate in order to get a feel for your favorite foods.
During your brief stay you opened up to him and told him of the situationship you had with Azriel. You explained to him what you overheard Azriel say and how stupid he made you feel after you confessed your love for him. “I finally saw the way he looked at her and it broke me more than it should have, because I remember when he looked at me the same way.  I heard him tell Cass that I was just the girl he picked to get over her. I never meant anything to him. Yet this whole time it had been real for me and I foolishly fell in love with him.” 
“Oh sweetheart, you deserve to be someone's first and only choice. You’re a Princess of The Night Court, if anyones the stupid one It’s him for not seeing how incredible you are.” With the end of his sweater sleeve, Kit wipes away a stray tear that escaped your waterline. His gentleness is a stark contrast to the ice flowing within his veins. “Besides I hear there's a handsome Prince looking for a warm heart to thaw the coldness in his soul,” he smirks playfully, rocking on the heels on his feet, a look of innocence in his crystal eyes. Your sweet giggle transcends into his favorite song and he makes it a mission to hear it often. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Azriel was tearing himself apart from the inside out. By the third day of being plastered and starting fights with innocent bystanders; Rhys had pulled him off missions until he sobered up enough to function.  All that did was give him a larger drinking window. He visited every winery and brewery in Verlaris, sometimes even forgetting how he got there in the first place.  Drowning in bottles of liquor till he could barely stand, let alone fly or walk or do anything for that matter. Tonight was different from the past two weeks, as he decided to smoke his problems away, alcohol no longer providing the high that made him forget.
 The strain for tonight was Mirthroot laced with Amnesia Haze, a hallucinogenic that could either make your deepest wish a reality or make you completely forget your life's problems.
Azriel couldn’t remember how he got up the steps to the house of wind. He couldn’t remember lots of things as of late. One thing he’d never forget though, was your scent and the way you made him feel. So when he opened the door to the house and your sensual perfume hit his nose he almost fell to his knees with relief.
You were finally home. He could explain himself and tell you that he loved you and that you meant the world to him. Azriel followed your scent like it was second nature. His shadows excitedly rushed up stairs towards your bed chambers, leaving him slightly confused because you were sitting at the kitchen Table.
Your hair was long in flowy waves down your back, a little longer since the last time he saw you. It hadn't been that long had it? It didn’t matter, all he wanted was to hold you in his arms again. Keep you safe in Velaris where you belong. Azriel slowly approached you, his breath shaky as he placed his hand on your shoulder. “Vi?”
Violet, the nickname you were given for your stunning eyes with various shades of purple and blue. Your eyes met his and you smiled, “Hi Az.” 
“Gods I missed you,” he admitted as he pulled you up from the chair, enveloping you in a warm embrace. You were slightly startled at how tight he hugged you. Inhaling your scent deeply as his nose nuzzled against your neck. “I’m so sorry, for everything. Please forgive me?” Azriel cupped your face between his scarred hands, angling you to look up at him. His pupils were large and dilated, a gaze mixed with sorrow and lust.  Your brows furrowed in confusion, “Az? What are you talking about?” 
“Come here, I need to tell you something.” Azriel lifted you onto the kitchen counter, earning a small yelp from your lips. He settled between your knees, making your thin night dress pool around your hips. His hands remained on your exposed thighs, rubbing them softly to keep you warm. His eyes never strayed from yours, like he couldn't believe you were actually here. “I made a mistake and should have never let you feel like you were the wrong choice. I don’t care what Rhys says anymore. I want you.”
His hands inch closer to your center, a silent request to touch you as the other brings your lips to his in a steamy kiss. You nod into the kiss, giving him permission to touch you. Azriel pulls your panties to the side, easily coating his fingers in your arousal, groaning when he feels how wet you already are from his kiss alone. 
Your breath catches when he slips his fingers inside and curls them in a come hither motion. “Oh gods Az, I’ve dreamed of this moment,” you pant into his mouth, needing more of him, anything he's willing to give you’ll take. He then rubs tiny circles on your clit, making you throw your head back so hard it slams against the cupboard in a loud thud. White flashes behind your eyes as your orgasm crashes over you, a giddy smile plastered on your face from the pleasure he's given you. 
You hop off the counter, eager to return the favor. Palming his cock, you notice he's barely hard, a groan escapes his mouth as you fumble with his belt. You pull Azriels pants down along with his underwear, pooling at his ankles, his cock still not fully erect. Your small hand grips him at the base, making him hiss. He sways side to side, eyes closed as he concentrates on getting hard, something he's never had to do before. You pump his shaft. Once. Twice. And then you wrap your lips around his cock and suck, the warmth of your mouth excites him and he stands at attention, finally. “So the rumors are true,” you coo.
“Fuck baby, your mouth feels so good. I Fucken love you.”   
Wait. What rumors?
“Azriel?” 
Azriels eyes fly open. You're standing in the doorway, shaking like a leaf in the wind with a  hand over your mouth. Sobbing loudly into your hand, tears blurring your vision as they escape your waterline. Heavy drops fall to the ground and the only sound heard is the unmistakable ‘pop’ as the female on her knees releases Azriels cock from her mouth.  
Azriel blinks rapidly, shaking his head, trying to rid himself of the haze he's in. He looks down to the female, stuffing his cock back in his pants as she's scrambling to get up. 
“Elain?” he chokes out her name, tears welling in his eyes as he stares at her, devastation in his wide eyes  as he realizes what he's done. What he did to her thinking she was you. His eyes turn to meet yours again, but he only catches your dress billowing as you turn around and run. Your loud wailing echoing in his ears like a hammer to a church bell.
“Vi wait! Please. It’s not what you think!” He yells, rushing past Elain as he sprints after you, needing to reach you before you winnow away.  His heavy footsteps pound against the tile floors, waking up the rest of the inner circle. Just as you're about to reach the knob Azriels arms wrap around your middle, pulling your back to his chest. You both crash to the ground from the force of Azriels tackle. His back meets the hard floor in a loud slam, cushioning your fall. “Let me go!” You plead, kicking and  clawing at his arms that are tightly wrapped around you. “Sshh, baby please. Listen to me.” his voice cracks as he tries to calm you down, “I love you, I love you so much. I thought she was you!! Please believe me!” 
Your voice slices through him, like a dagger to his already bleeding heart. “I hate you!” You scream out in anger, venom lacing every word as it hits its mark. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!” 
Darkness envelops the entire room, It’s cold mist threatening to devour anyone who so dares to defy its power. “Azriel, release my sister before I sever those hands off your body.” Rhys stands at the bottom of the stairs, his power bouncing off him like flames of a fire. The rest of the inner circle gathered around him, watching in horror as both males stood off in a staring contest. It’s Azriel who wavers; finally releasing you to shuffle away from him. 
Azriel sits on his heels, a subtle submissive pose showing respect to his High Lord. “Rhys, I’m sorry. I’ve been in love with your sister for some time now. Too cowardice to tell you or her,” Azriels gaze falls on you. “I’ve been a mess since you left. Masking my pain with alcohol and drugs, which is no excuse. But tonight I took a hallucinogen, and,” his chin wobbles as he tries to hold back his tears, “I made the biggest mistake of my life. I know I’ve lost you, and you will never forgive me. However, I need you to know, in front of everyone, that I have always loved you. I will always love you.” 
Azriel lowers his head. The flood of emotions finally pulled him under the surface, drowning him in his own misery. Fat heavy tears break from his eyes; landing in scattered drops along the floor beneath him. This pain is all consuming, torturous in its own vile way. Tearing at his heart shred by shred, a disastrous mess all by his own hands. A lonely scarred heart to match his scarred hands. Hands that once held the most precious gem, a rare Violet beauty; now only hold the memory of a lost love. 
When Azriel lifts his head to see your face for the last time, he’s once again too late. Fear latches onto his ankles like a heavy chain, anchoring him to the bottom of the sea. You’re gone. His darkness driving away your bright light, leading you into the arms of someone new.  
A/n: part 2 ? 🤔🤔
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yanderemommabean · 1 day
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Have Yandere alphas Suku and Yuuji with omega reader Smut
(Reader has pussy but this has They them pronouns used! Some dirty talk, pussy slapping, and some forced orgasms and dubcon themes! All characters depicted are 18 and up! I hope you enjoy!)
Honestly, you have  no idea how things got this bad. First you were all having a nice little chit chat after a nice swim in the pool, then the next thing you know, you’re being held against Sukunas chest, arms to your sides, as Yuuji taunts and teases. 
Sukunas massive cock was spearing you open, eyes rolling back as every thrust was calculated and aimed to make your brain melt with pleasure, all while the other two act more or less unphased as they begin asking lewd questions. 
Your voice hiccups, trying to speak, but your face is so red as Sukuna pounds away even harder, biting and kissing along your neck to coax out more of those addictive little noises. You really had no idea how much these two craved you, how they wanted to breed you full over and over again, mark you as only theirs. It’s a good thing they’re getting started with that very lesson today and every day that follows. 
While Sukuna is usually the mean one, Yuuji is just being cruel, coming up to whisper in your ear as he teases your clit and feels you twitching and throbbing. “What if I used my tongue? Hmm? Would your perfect little pussy like that, Y/N? “ 
You can only yelp, wincing in pain mixed with burning pleasure when Yuujis hand comes smacking down again and making you see blinding white. “I said- would your greedy, slutty cunt want my lips on it? Hmm? Think if I tongue fuck you with Sukuna balls deep you can squirt for us?” 
You’re  just gasping for breath, brain malfunctioning as your cunt spasms and clenches, making Sukuna groan and purr in delight as he begins to drag out his strokes. “Oh ho ho, they want it baby brother. I can feel them squeezing me for all I’ve got. “
You whimper, pathetic and fed up, eyes slamming shut as your face burns a deep scarlet. You aren’t a whore! You aren’t! Not...Not like THAT anyway- 
"N-Not..not a-" you try  to protest, but it's cut off when Yuuji's tongue curls inside of you, slipping between Sukunas cock and your fluttering walls as you gasp and feel that burning coil tightening once again. There’s no way-no! That’s so-
Your brain malfunctions, feeling Yuuji's tongue swipe around in circles as Sukuna’s cock buries itself to the hilt, stretching you out and stuffing you like you crave. By the second, you can feel your resolve and composure melting away. 
"Mm hmm. Not a whore? Not a slut? Says the one creaming on our cocks and begging to be eaten out until they cry'' Yuuji snickers, using two fingers to stroke over Your clit a few times before he once again brings the palm of his hand down. 
"Now answer us. Answer ME. Do you want my mouth on your tasty little snatch? Or do I need to discipline you some more?". 
The heat in Yuujis words, the way Sukuna bit into your skin and rolled his hips so sinfully slow, staving off your orgasm once again. It's not fair- You aren't even given a real choice! You either agree or are punished until you say yes! 
Why does that turn you on so much?! 
"Y-Yes!" You more or less yelp, tensing up, feeling your breath being punched out of you almost when Sukunas hands come up to play with your nipples, that devilish smirk on his features as he meets Yuuji's eyes. "You heard them, Brat. Get to work. I want them covering my cock in their juices''.
Yuuji wastes no time, a drawn out groan passing his lips as he swirled his tongue around Your clit. He could never get enough of this, the taste, the way You moan and throw your head back, how you feebly try to push him away despite clearly enjoying it. It was so cute how you tried to deny yourself the pleasure the brothers could bring. 
“Love your sounds baby” Sukuna pants, looking down to see how Your stomach gains a slight bump with every roll of his hips. “Gonna make you so pretty, so round and full of pups. Fuck, you’re gonna be so full-”. 
“Pups?!” You whimper, trying to crawl away at that but being held down even tighter, your body forced to take the onslaught of pleasure as those filthy words make your stomach flutter. “W-We can’t! No! We-” You’re cut off, moaning deep and guttural as Yuuji's fingers are added, pressed directly inside of you. 
It’s too much, it’s too good, you can’t help yourself,  starting to have hiccuped breaths as Sukuna holds your hips firm. “We can. We’re going to. And you’re going to take it like a good little Omega.” 
The dam breaks. Sukunas thrusts, Yuuji’s mouth, the possessive and dirty words being growled into your ear- You come undone, pleasure so intense you have tears down your cheeks as you climax, slick spurting from your spasming cunt and covering Yuujis face. 
Yuuji is ravenous after that, pure alpha instinct taking over as he drinks in everything you have to give. Oh there’s no way in hell he’s ever passing on this experience ever again. He’ll tie You down and tongue fuck you that way if he must- 
Yuuji just snarls, holding your legs apart as his tongue drags over his slick covered lips. "Fuck! I want to see you knock them up- Quit moving! You're gonna stay right here and get that pretty pussy bred  deep ".
You can only mewl, your eyes rolling back as drool slightly dribbles from your lips, cunt clenching down /again/ and spasming as Yuuji holds your legs apart, watching as Sukuna breeds you possessively, like a beast staking a claim. 
And really, Sukuna is. To think You could ever have anyone else, it made both men incredibly, unstably jealous. 
"Fuck! Take it! Take it!" Sukuna nearly roars, being cruel like Yuuji as his fingers rub vicious circles around your sensitive clit, balls tightening and drawing up as his thrusts become more deep and greedy. “I'm gonna cum-Shit! Knocking you up, gonna breed you so fucking good-” 
His teeth latch onto Your throat, biting down aggressively as his cum spills into that warm, tight cunt, his cock pulsing and twitching with every rope he releases. 
Fuck.
He's ruined.  Nothing else could ever be as addictive as your soft, warm, tight cunt drinking all Sukuna has to give. 
"Fuck, just like that Y/N. You're doing so good. Gonna have that baby in you in no time, make you so round and soft and ours "
You take as many deep breaths as you can, chest heaving as sweat begins to cool on your skin. Words sound like water, everything is spinning, and all you can manage to make is soft little whines as Sukuna slowly slips out and watches as his cum leaks from your abused hole. 
Yuuji just smiles, pressing Your legs towards your chest as he presses his face closer to the mess, dragging his tongue up and down the cum covered folds, all while You hiss between your teeth and try to hide your face. 
“Mmm. It’s a shame your pussy hasn’t learned to hold onto every ounce of our cum…Guess we’ll have to train it then” 
-Mommabean (Hope you liked! Feel free to tell me your thoughts!)
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livelaughlovesubs · 2 days
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how do you feel about knife play with Sunday from hsr? (Feel free to ignore love your writing btw <3)
Heyyy, I’m glad you do! Also knife okay huh~
There are two kinds of knife play, one where it’s only for show, one that’s more dangerous and bloody. I’ll put a line between them, since I’ll do both
Dom!reader x sub!sunday
Warning: a little blood, knife play!!
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Sunday reminded me of luocha or ayato, but after doing the newest quest, he is pretty pathetic huh?
That man has spikes as piercings, on his wings, he is definitely kinky /j
I can picture him being into some violent stuff though, as well as knife play
It’s the danger that gets him, how he isn’t in control, rather than the pain that might come with it
(That one is a bonus!!)
Using the handle to brush it down his spine, letting his skin feel the cold metal of the dull side
How he’d shiver! Eyes never leaving yours, pupils shaking in a heretic mix of anticipation and fear
Yet a meek smile would be on his lips, and dick making a mess onto the mattress
Maybe threaten him a little too, and watch his heart jump out of his chest as you do
“You skin is so smooth and pretty, would it still be pretty if it’s red?”
A bubbling sensation spread within him, the excitement was unparalleled
If you wanted to see red, why don’t you just look at his cute blushing face?
Aftercare would be you assuring him you’d never hurt him, and how you adore him, but maybe, secretly, he does want you to hurt him a little
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Sunday just loved the danger
At some point, he’d ask you if you wanted to go further, just this once maybe?
If you weren’t into it, then forget it, but if you did…
Doing the same tricks as before, preparing him a little instead of throwing him into the cold water
It was adorable how he was even more eager than normally, jumping at every little touch
The blade of the knife was so cold, his skin tingled wherever it touched him
“You remember what to do when it gets too much?” Having a safe word is always better than not
After making sure that he knew what to do, you’d gently brush the tip of the knife along his back
You didn’t use any strength or force at all, yet the skin was slightly cut already.. my, that’s one sharp knife
“Hiiss- ha-haaah….” He jolt, shoulders twitching and hands bawled into fists, it hurt, but it wasn’t too bad, cuz the pleasure outweighs it
This was real, you were really hurting him, causing marks and scratches..!
Poor little angel was trying his best not to move, putting all of his trust into you, how cute
At the end of it, his face was matching the crimson on his back, as well as on the tool in your hand. A beautiful shade of red, running down his back and soaking the sheets. Though, instead of being defiled, it looked more like a the process of a fine masterpiece. Gentle pants came from his mouth, his body shuddering as he came, all while he hid behind his wings to avoid your eyes.
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jaembun · 3 days
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the way you look should be a sin.
if mark’s at your door, the only thing you’re going to do is let him in !⠀⸻⠀mark lee x gnr ⠀ fluff (?) pre rs ⠀ wc 1.4k ⠀ now playing . . ☆
생각⠀my girlfriend! my! girlfriend! thnku isa for inspiring me to write this he’s kind of the only thing important ever
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you hadn’t really been properly asleep anyway, having drifted off in a half-slumber after scrolling mindlessly on your phone for a while, and you supposed that was why the sudden sound of it ringing from its place still loosely clasped in your hand woke you up so easily. everything was still vaguely blurry when you pushed yourself onto your elbows, squinting hard in order to see the name of the contact flashing across your screen. mark met your eyes, and you flopped backwards onto your mattress before tapping the accept button and then pressing the same hand to your mouth to stifle a yawn.
“are you awake?”
you pulled the phone back from your ear to aim a slightly incredulous look at it, even if you knew your best friend would’ve been none the wiser to the expression.
“i mean, i am now. what is it, markles? did you forget something?”
mark stumbled over his next words, muttering them under his breath more than anything. “no, but.. ah, nevermind, dude, it’s fine. i don’t know why i called.”
you sat up slightly in your bed, ignoring the slight chill the blanket falling away from yourself gave you, eyebrows furrowed a little in concern at the unsure tone of your friend. “mark? what’s up?”
he started to say something more but cut himself off, words trailing off into nothing. it was silent on the phone for a few moments then, only the sound of your shared faint breathing coming through the lines until he finally got his words together and spoke up properly.
“i’m, um. i’m outside your apartment.”
that woke you up fully, eyes widening a little as you stood up out of your bed, leaving it unmade as you padded over to your window and looked down more than a few floors to the street outside—where, if you squinted, you could almost make out mark’s figure lit up by the streetlights and standing alone on the pavement, recognisable mostly by his familiar fleece jacket.
“what the fuck, mark? i’ll buzz you in, come on. you must be freezing, i don’t—why are you over here so late? did donghyuck sexile you, or something?”
you stayed at the window just long enough to watch his small head shake before moving over to your door in order to let him up, shivering again with the now complete lack of your blanket.
“nah, he’s at jeno’s. i just.. i don’t know. i missed you, man.”
the words made you stop in your tracks, for a second. his voice was small, but it sounded sincere—and it was sincere, you knew it was, because mark couldn’t have told a lie even if he was paid to do it. had been earnest since before he knew what it meant. you covered how choked up you suddenly felt by scoffing, depsite it sounding weak even to your own ears.
“yah, you sweet talker, you probably just want me to make you a hot chocolate. get up here already, hm?”
his laugh was barely that, sounded more like an exhale of air than anything, but you were glad for it all the same. quiet fell over the two of you again, but this time it was more comfortable, with only the idle sounds of the elevator and his footfalls coming all the way to your door. 
“see you in a sec,” was all you murmured through the line before hanging up and shoving your phone into the pocket of your sweats, fiddling with the lock on the door for a moment, another, before it was finally open and mark was standing before you. 
he looked tired—you weren’t surprised, seeing the last time you checked it was creeping past two in the morning—but his mouth still curved up into a small smile that you mirrored with ease, beckoning him in and pushing the door shut behind him, reaching out with the tips of your fingers to slide the lock into place.
“so what’s up, markl—“
before the nickname could fully pass your lips mark was falling into you, head finding solace tucked into the crook of your neck and hands coming up to loosely grip onto the fabric of your shirt on your waist. his fingertips were red from the cold, but his cheek was hot from where it was resting on your shoulder. 
“can we.. go t’bed?”
it was just as mumbled as it’d been over the phone, but this time a lot louder—he was right next to your ear, after all, his periodic soft exhales hitting your skin causing little shivers running across it that weren’t from the chill, this time. you simply nodded in answer to his request and attempted to detach yourself from his grip to walk him over to your unmade (but comfortable, you defended to yourself) mess of a bed, but mark made a vaguely whiny noise of protest and clung onto you tighter.
your laugh came out a little too high in the dead silence of your apartment, hoping even if mark did notice the way your ears burned a little hotter that he’d be kind enough (or tired enough, at least) not to bring it up as you slowly walked him to the sheets, trying not to trip up on his feet shuffling backwards, trying not to focus on the way he felt so malleable in your careful hold.
“take this off,” you murmured lowly once you’d reached the foot of your bed, tugging gently at the fleece he was still wearing and trying not to cringe at how suggestive your words sounded even if your intentions were innocent. you focused on nudging at his feet, too, where his shoes were still on. “and these. you’re not putting your dirty trainers anywhere near my blanket, markles, for real.”
“mm.” was all he hummed in reply, but didn’t move from his spot. you were ready to do it for him if it came down to it, but before you could reach for the zipper of his jacket he taking half a step back, barely out of your space, and doing it himself. they were left lying idle on your floor once he’d rid himself of both the offending items, but you figured they’d be just fine for a night—it wasn’t like you didn’t have a few hoodies and jeans doing exactly the same thing while you avoided putting them away properly for a day or two longer.
where you stopped in your place once he had deemed himself ready go, unsure of what move to make next, mark had no such qualms. he let himself fall back onto your sheets and got himself comfortable like they were his own, the way his brow furrowed when he didn’t see you following a clear indication of what he wanted you to do, and you found yourself being able to do nothing but comply with his wishes, slipping in next to him after abandoning your phone on the bedside table.
the lights were faint, streetlights only just shining in through your window, but you could still see his brown eyes trained on your own as you led there face-to-face. you tried to speak but, embarrassingly enough, your throat failed you, and so you only tried again after turning to the side for a moment to clear it. 
“are you okay?”
the smile was back. still small, still sincere. “i am now.” and. oh. mark was so—lovely, sometimes. all the time. you didn’t know what to do. but it seemed you didn’t need to, because then he was turning over, away from you, and then shifting backwards until it was all too clear right where he wanted you.
and so, swallowing back the way you felt choked up for the second that evening, you shuffled closer and slung an arm over his hip, feeling him relax under your touch almost instantly. it was more than just your blankets providing you with warmth, now. mark had always run a little hotter.
“night, markles.“ you mumbled half-into the nape of his neck, lips almost brushing his skin. there was a light sound as he tossed a hand back to find where yours was resting on his side and squeezed once. twice.
“see you t’morrow, ynnie.”
and that was all it needed to be. a boy in your arms, both in your bed. sharing warmth until the sunlight pouring in through your windows would force you to leave it. as simple as that.
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holdinbacksecrets · 3 days
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your writing makes me feel safe, thank you. if i could request something? it’s totally ok if you aren’t comfortable but i was wondering how you think seventeen would react seeing their s/o’s self harm scars? but not the act of doing it; i’ve just been feeling a bit unworthy because of my own from my past and my mind wandered (but absolutely no worries if this is out of your comfort zone. i know self harm scars can be a trigger for sure (and you don’t have to reply in that case either)) <3 thank you either way
thank you for sharing kind words and requesting! i'm sorry for taking over a year to answer this... hopefully you still see this >.< i also hope my interpretation of your request is ok. sending you all my love 🥺 i hope you’ve been feeling better these days. you’re deserving of all the good things
seventeen: seeing your self harm scars for the first time
tw: mentions of self harming (no details of the act itself) and scars
seungcheol: he’d trace them with his lips, allowing his love to sink into the scars and caress their edges. he’d ask if they still hurt—if the memories are still piercing
jeonghan: “you turned your scar into a butterfly?” “yeah, it always made sense to get a tattoo, and it’s a reminder that pain and discomfort are fleeting. i’m never stuck.” “you’ve always had a thing for flying, haven’t you?” “yoon jeonghan, i’d exchange my arms for wings if i could.” “you’ll need me for so much more than reaching things on the highest shelf.” “you’re right… not the most practical idea.”
joshua: walks with you through the park after seeing the small x on the kitchen calendar, marking the passage of another year, and the feeling is overwhelming as painful memories flood your mind
jun: “so these aren’t from a bike wreck?” “i can’t believe you remember that…” “everything you tell me… i can’t forget anything.” “it was only our second date. i didn’t want to scare you away.” “you wouldn’t have, but i understand why you worried. i wish you didn’t have to.” “what do you think you would’ve said? would’ve thought?” “i would’ve admired you. i can’t imagine that’s an easy thing to share with anyone, let alone a person you just started dating. i would’ve felt honored that you trusted me with something so… intimate, something that leaves room for conclusions being made that you aren’t in control of.”
soonyoung: he asks if you’re ok now and immediately wonders if that was too simplistic of a question, but he means it. he wants to know if you wake up and feel peace or dread. he wants to know about the cracks in your smile. he wants to know if you’re proud of yourself now. if you were before. if he can do anything to make the dreadful moments with forced smiles easier
wonwoo: thank you for being here is the last thing you hear before drifting off, carried away by a current of warm dreams
jihoon: he cries for you and his childhood friend with similar scars. a man he hasn’t seen in years but thinks about the last week of every october—reminded of his birthday, hoping he’s celebrating well
seokmin: he holds you. he doesn’t want to let go until his tears have stopped. he doesn’t want you to know that the thought of you harming yourself pierces his heart, stops his breath, stays heavy on his shoulders, and keeps him awake while you sleep
mingyu: he wants you to know that no feeling you meet will ever scare him away. you don’t need the reminder, but he tells you anyway: you can always come to me. he will be your solid ground, the maker of comforting words and sweet distractions
minghao: will you believe him if he says you’re the strongest person he knows?
hansol: he doesn’t know what to say, and he’s suddenly afraid of his ability to support you. he hopes you can’t tell because this moment isn’t about him. the last thing he’d ever want is for you to turn to another if he’s unable to give you what you need. “it’s ok. you don’t have to have the perfect words. they don’t exist. i just want you to know. i’m so much better now. i’ve never been happier, truly, but the words were starting to itch and pull me out of present moments. summer’s coming, and i know you’ll see them soon. i just want you to know.”
seungkwan: so many questions roll around in his head. they stick to the back of his throat, and he searches your eyes for any signs of the capacity you have for sharing in this moment. you smile softly and offer a nod of encouragement. he takes a deep breath and asks the first one
chan: “do you ever…” “think about doing it again? i do, but i made a list of things to do instead.” “can i hear it?” “make tea, watch the sky, turn music on, call a friend, think about something yummy to make for my next meal, ride the train and stop as close as i can get to the library… i have a playlist of seventeen videos on my phone too.” “you’ve thought about it that recently? y/n…” “i didn’t make the playlist for that purpose alone. it started out of missing you, but i know it’ll help if i start to slip.” “you can always call me. call me first and call again if i don’t answer.”
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scorpioriesling · 3 days
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Enchanted
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚: *
Pairing(s): Rhysand x reader
Warnings: fluff
Summary: Every birthday girl makes a wish... yours has been the same for years. One you began to doubt would ever come true; but what happens when it does?
SR’s Note: I am honestly giggling and kicking my feet over this one, and lately Rhys hasn't even been my favorite... I don't care. I like how this turned out. Based on Enchanted by Taylor Swift, of course. Enjoy (:
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Everything about the final day of Autumn was as it usually was; the cool sun bathing the Velaris cobblestone in light, the crisp breeze ruffling your hair, causing you to pull your cloak tighter around your shoulders. Even the townsfolk presented the same familiar faces you’d seen nearly every day now on your way to the public library.
Today was a treat; the day before your birthday, of course. The first day of the Winter season would mark the day of your birth, and usually you’d spend the day before spoiling yourself as you’d usually end up having to work on said birthday. This year, it was no different.
That is, before two large Illyrian warriors donning seven gleaming siphons each landed right in the middle of the square, their enormous bat wings spread wide. The townspeople, as well as yourself, whirled in shock at the sight. After straightening, the taller one (Cassian? You thought?) cleared his throat.
“Greetings, Velaris,” he said, voice echoing down every corridor and alleyway around you. Every wide-eyed fae stared back in awe as he looked from person to person.
“As you know, the High Lord will be having his annual Winter Ball tomorrow evening,” he continued. You’d known; it was an annual tradition. One you’d always ended up working as the bakery your parents owned supplied the delicacies for the event.
“…andddd this year, the High Lord has made it very clear that the celebration is to be extended.” He coughs. Gasps and murmurs begin around you, and you glance side to side as chatter begins.
“The ballroom cannot accommodate all of Velaris; so only a select few will be receiving invitations.” The spymaster calmly cuts in, and the chattering crowd around you stops. All eyes return to the pair in the middle of the street.
“The festivities are to be celebrated here in the city, though, should you not attend the ball,” Cassian fumbles. His brother raises his eyebrows, releasing a breath and gazing at the crowd once more.
“If you’re to be invited; you should expect to receive an invitation in your mailbox by this afternoon.”
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You practically jumped on the mail man when he approached your drive, scaring him half to death as his letters tumbled from his hands.
“I’m so sorry! I’m, um… just, really hoping something came for me today.” You laugh sheepishly as he thrusts a pile of letters into your hands.
“Yeah, you and every other female in Velaris.” He continues on his route with a hmmph, and you begin anxiously thumbing through the letters.
You almost trip when you finally make it back into your small flat, sitting at the kitchen table. Your hand shakes as you get to the last envelope in the pile, only one elegant word written across the front of it.
Y/N.
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“I don’t know if that’s the right… I don’t know, color?” Your best friend eyes you in the mirror, and you twist to one side, meeting her eyes in the mirror.
“Maybe not. I don’t know, it’s just not quite… right.” She says, the statement only a repetition of how your morning’s been going. You’ve spent the entire morning trying to find a gown for the ball tonight, but every single one you’ve tried just isn’t quite… the one.
You let out a frustrated sigh, and your friend / shop owner flits toward a wall of dresses, brushing through them once more.
“I feel like I’ve tried on a million,” you say. She returns just a moment later, a lovely steel silver gown in hand. You raise your brows at her.
“Yes, but, it’d be dress one million and one that might catch the High Lord’s attention.” You can’t help but blush, turning from her. It was no secret you found the High Lord of the Night Court quite intriguing; Gods, half of Prythian did.
She tsked at you and shooed you towards the dressing chamber, only for you to reappear a moment later in the gown. She didn’t hide back the gasp, or stunned expression on her face as you approached the mirror to look yourself.
“Oh come now, it can’t be…” But, it was. Seeing it in the reflection, you understood her reaction a little more. You were breathtaking; this one. It had to be this one.
You spend a good few minutes twirling, admiring the gown hugging you in all the right places. You finally glance down at the price tag, and your heart sinks. It was way too expensive.
“I don’t think I can…” You say. Your friend shakes her head, leading you back to the dressing room to change.
“Nonsense.” She says. You stare at her, a blank expression on your face.
“I can’t afford it.” You say. She only winks at you before shutting the chamber curtain, allowing you privacy.
“Consider it a birthday gift!”
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You'd never been to one of these before; not coming from a wealthy family, or even being High Fae yourself, there was never any reason to attend such an event held by Night Court royalty.
Yet, here you stood. In front of the polished black gate, separating you from the awaiting festivities inside.
"Uhh.. miss?" You turn, to see another guest had silently approached at your side. "Are you going in?"
You nod. "Yes! Yes, I'm sorry if I held you up-" He shakes his head, a small smile offerred to you as the gates open and he steps beyond. He looks over his shoulder to you.
"No worries... but, I think it's beginning soon?" You hear the groaning of the iron bars and quickly step inside, keeping in step with this new aquiantence. You politely converse until you've reached the main building, and females in lovely gowns pass by you. You nervously look around; maybe you should've prepared better for this.
"I'll see you around," with a small wave, your company stalks off toward a group of males he seems to know. You sigh, taking in the beauty around you. The gleaming faelights, all of the attendees meandering around you, the scent of jasmine in the air-
"I personally want to thank you all for your attendance tonight," you hear, and the room is instantly filled with silence. All eyes are peering toward the front of the room, and the crowd shuffles together to hear the speaker more clearly. You try and get a good look, but you can't really see over everyone's heads.
"I haven't had one of these events in a while where I get to invite our court's friends to join us, and as this marks the first night of Winter," the voice drawls. It sounds lovely, as though it was coming from a cello - deep and smooth. Not like the sounds from Azriel or Cassian, but this one was much different.
"...we are very happy you're all here. So, let the dancing commence!" And with that, the crowd is in a frenzy, chattering and partnering off for the first dance of the evening. Your cheeks heat in embarassment as you realize you have no one to dance with, and you recede towards the stone wall to hide in the shadows for this one. You feel a light hand on your elbow, and you whirl around to come face-to-face with the kind male from earlier.
"I don't have a partner either..." He says, his cheeks flushing rosey-pink. You give him a soft smile, your embarassment fading with every passing second.
"I'd love to dance with you." You slide your hand into his and pull him to the middle of the crowd, just as the music begins. His hand rests on your lower back, the cold metal ring on his finger sending a chill up your spine. You suck in a breath as he pulls you closer to his chest.
"Is this... alright?" He asks. You nod, resting your free hand on his shoulder. Now that you're close to him, you get a better view of his face; his sharp jaw, auburn freckles dusting over his nose. His sultry amber eyes that match the flaming locks upon his head; he truly is beautiful.
But not the reason you came tonight.
He engages in polite conversation as you continue the waltz, asking you about yourself, laughing and making light jokes with you inbetween the spinning and dipping as the music intensifies. You laugh with him, appreciating him more and more by the minute. When he's turned you around, his back to the dias at the head of the room, you swear you meet those violet eyes, staring right back at you. Maybe you're just thinking wishfully, maybe... maybe he is just looking at everyone, but he looked irritated, besides the sweet sentiment he'd made before.
You have to look away, your partner realizing you're staring.
"Is, everything okay?" He politely asks you. You nod, reassuring him everything was. But it wasn't. You were living in this moment; the music, the liveliness of the room, the way you were pushed so close with this male's hand on your waist-
But it still wasn't who you wanted.
You wanted him.
His hands on you. Your body against him. His eyes looking into yours.
You felt like a fool for thinking that coming here would change anything for you.
"I, uhm," your partner fumbles for words to distract you. "I didn't catch your name?" He asks. You meet his gaze, smiling again at him. You knew the High Lord wouldn't need or want you, so you may as well make the most of your night while it lasts.
"Y/N," you reply. He grins.
"What a lovely name," he tucks a flyaway tendril of hair behind your ear, eyes catching when it is exposed. He immediately sees it is rounded; and shame courses through you again as you know he is High Fae.
He clears his throat. "What a beautiful name," he reiterates. "...for a beautiful girl." You can't help but blush at his words, this male is laying the flirting on you thick. Doing quite well at that, too.
"Why thank you," you say, voice feeling small. You didn't register that the song had already changed, your bodies abseltmindedly falling into rhythm as you continue to sway with the music.
"I should probably relieve you from me," he says, dipping his head and huffing a small smirk. "Had I known who you were, I would have let you dance with someone else. I'm sure Rhys will have my ass for this anyway," he concludes. You furrow a brow, as the song engages in the final chorus.
"Whatever do you mean?" You ask. He opens his mouth to answer, but clapping erupts and conversations get too loud around you. What was he even talking about? You'd never met the High Lord, not officially, anyway. Maybe in passing, but there was nothing there.
Suddenly the room feels too small, too warm, his hand on your back feels like fire and you feel like you are sweating. You could pass out, you just needed a minute to breathe and get out of this crowded room.
"I have to um," you shout, over the loud conversing around you. "I need a breath of air!" You say. He nods, and pulls you close, hands still holding yours.
"Do you want me to come with you?" He politely asks. You lean back, meeting his eyes and shake your head.
"I'll be fine!" You say loudly. He nods, and you lean up and kiss his cheek. "I'll find you later?" You say, and he grins at you. What a cutie.
You search for an exit, clammy hands brushing the sides of your skirts. You find an open doorway, and travel down a side hall that leads to an unmarked door. Chest tight, you open it -- revealing the most wonderful sight you've ever seen.
You step out onto the stone terrace, walking all the way to the railed edge to get the best view. You let out a gasp; you can see all of Velaris from here. Soft music echoes from beyond, and you watch as a single shooting star stretches across the sky.
"This is, my favorite place to see the whole city too." You turn abruptly, not realizing someone had followed you. You stare in shock as Rhysand leans against the open doorway, arms folded, and one ankle crossed over the other. You immediately get embarassed again, remembering this is his building and his terrace and you were out here without permission-
"No need to worry, darling." He strides over to you, and you feel a tiny tickling inside your head. Your fingers brush your temple on instinct, and you remember that he could in fact see what you were thinking.
"Enjoying the ball?" He asks, his silky tenor causing your attempt to clear your mind to fail. You huff, turning back to the city beyond. He puts his hands on the balcony railing next to you, one hand nearly brushing yours.
"Oh! Um... yes. Yes I have been." Your mind flashes to the dances you'd shared with the readhead, how he held you, and how you'd wished it was Rhys the whole time...
Clear your mind, Cauldron! He could easily see what you were thinking.
"That's... great." His sudden clipped tone had you side-eyeing him. The night seemed to radiate off of him, the onyx crown atop his head gleaming in the moonlight. He was definately intimidating, but you remembered what your new friend said. Did you even catch his name? No. You were too focused on the High Lord, though this other man was nothing but nice to you.
Cauldron, boil you.
"Can I ask you something?" You say. He angles his head to you, a small smirk pulling the corner of his lips up.
"You'd like to know why I asked you here tonight?" He answers. You gape at him, and he chuckles, the sound like soft rain outside an open window.
"How did you-" You begin, and he turns to you, a hand tracing his knucles down the side of your face. You flush at the contact, as this was something you'd only ever hope for in a dream.
"This... is something we can work on later." He looks at the top of your head, the idea of mind shielding grazing your brain.
Has he been inside your head this whole time?
You almost feel violated; if it was anyone but him, you'd tell them to leave you be. But... you couldn't. He was finally here, with you -- but, you can't help from a little bit of your attitude peeking through.
"If you wanted me here so damn bad, whatever the reason may be," you start, pulling back an inch from his touch. His brows raise in amusement. "Why were you pouting about in there? I didn't even see you dance once." You finish. His gaze softens, and his free hand brushes yours on the railing. The hand that once grazed your cheek is now gliding down your arm, tracing over every inch of exposed skin.
"The partner I wanted was already taken." He answers lowly. You don't miss the way his eyes darken a bit, and you bite the inside of your cheek hard to try and stop from freaking out and dissolving into a puddle right then and there.
"Well..." You begin, taking one step closer to him. The soft scent of sea salt and nectarines graces your nose -- of course, one of your favorites. His gaze stays locked on you, drinking in every inch of you with his eyes.
"I'm not now." You say, as confidently as you can muster. His lips twist, trying to supress the huge smile he eventually allows to take over his face. You can't help but smile back; his gorgeous features only more enticing up close. His hand slips around the curve of your waist, pulling you in closer. Your breath catches, as his other hand guides your idle ones to his neck.
"I've waited much too long for this," he says. You are sure you look like a tomato; there was no way he was fawning over you like this. The way you'd done, every night in your room; every day in Velaris, constant reminders of him all over the city; every year when you'd use your bithday wish just to see him, just once -- and there he would be, waltzing into your parents shop before the ball as if he wasn't reducing you to mush each time.
"I'm not very good," he admits with a small laugh. You don't know what the hell comes over you, but you don't allow him enough time to read your mind before the words are spilling out-
"I don't need good. I need you." You take the lead, swaying to the distant music from the walls beyond and streets below, and he only follows. Its his turn to feel flattered, as his hands gently trail up and down your waist. You try your best to keep from shaking in excitement; but it isn't long before you see another star flying across the sky. He glances in your line of sight, grinning and letting one hand go of you. He takes the gleaming onyx crown off his head, replacing it atop yours, tucked behind the brained crown near the top.
You stare at him wide eyed as he pulls your body flush with his, leaning in to whisper, "I'm enchanted to finally meet you," as his soft lips lightly graze the shell of your ear. You can't help but let out a small chuckle, not knowing if you are going to cry or not. You could; you'd only wished for this very thing for years and years.
"You truly are a princess," he drawls on, fingers tracing your jaw lightly. His gaze flicks to the star trailing across the sky, and back to you once more. "One that still needs to make her birthday wish."
Your hands play with the soft hair near the nape of his neck, eyes loving the way he practically wills your mouth to his. It's like there is a thread, a rope connecting the two of you, and he is using his end to pull you closer, closer...
He finally kisses you, softly cupping your jaw as your hands slide down his chest. Pressed against him like this, that rope feels more like a threat tied so tight, golden aura coming from deep within you at the scene around you. He slowly pulls back, eyes searching yours for reassurance. You only reach up and swipe a tear away from his cheek, the new feeling connecting the two of you reassurance enough.
"I don't have one this year; it has already come true."
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katelynnwrites · 1 day
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i can do it with a broken heart | laura freigang
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warnings: angst with no happy ending
word count: 831
summary: you're determined to fake it 'til you make it, even with a broken heart. also known as your the reader's perspective of down bad
a/n: the third installation of my 'the anthology' blurbs series
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you can feel laura’s gaze on you, from across the locker room.
a few short weeks ago, you would have blushed and teasingly told her that it’s rude to stare.
now, it makes your heart clench so you plaster a large smile on your face and turn to look at tanja, starting an intentionally cheerful conversation.
it is impossibly hard for you to ignore the blonde, especially when her eyes are on you again, this time in the club as you and your teammates celebrate the club’s win.
in stilettos, you have a drink in hand, a pretty sequined dress on and your makeup is done to perfection.
she’s sitting alone, at a table by the side of the bar and you can practically read her mind. you know her well enough for that.
‘she’s having the time of her life.’
well you can show her lies.
you can show up to trainings on time. you can attend every team bonding with a bright expression. you can do it all. even if it’s killing you inside.
because you’re a real tough kid. you can handle your shit.
after all they say you gotta fake it ‘til you make it. and you will.
so the one thing on your mind, repeating over and over as you push through each and every day is ‘lights, camera, bitch smile.’
even when you wanna die, you will do it.
your ex said she would love you all her life.
you believed her. you still do because you see the dark circles she has. she’s clearly devastated and barely holding herself together.
and you know it is all your fault for breaking up with her.
but you had to. had to because you love her so much. you trust her excessively and before you fall any harder for her, you needed to stop yourself.
it would have hurt too much when you landed and you know that if you allowed laura to love you the way she wanted any longer, there would be no coming back from that kind of pain.
so for your own sake, you had to leave her. even though it gives you overwhelming guilt to break her heart.
but you can grin like you’re winning and you can hit all your marks.
you’re playing better than ever because you know you are good. you know you’re good because you can do it, even with a broken heart.
you cry a lot now that you have left the striker but you are still so productive that one could consider it an art.
really, it’s only through the extensive uses of subtle makeup, face masks, cooling eye packs and the odd frozen metal teaspoon that no one has noticed it yet.
most of your relationship with laura was spent staying over in her apartment but there were nights that were spent in yours.
more than a few if the way you keep finding her things in your drawers is anything to go by.
first it was a old penn state sweatshirt. the next, one of her retro frankfurt jerseys.
now it’s her favourite pair of jeans.
you choke on your tears when you find it among your own clothes.
she’d worn them to your first date.
laura might keep looking at you but she avoids you like the plague otherwise. she doesn’t want to walk near your cubby in the locker room or be in the same training group as you.
she must hate you and you can’t blame her.
it is part of the reason why you cannot bear to return any of her things to her. they are the last tangible memories you have left of her, crucial evidence that for a brief time, you had the love of your life.
you feel like you’re drowning in your grief now but you can hold your breath.
because you’re a real tough kid. you can handle your shit. there is no reason to drag the german woman back into it, if she would even deign to give you the time of day.
so breaking down, you’ll hit the floor. all the pieces of you shattering as the fans chant, ‘more!’.
you might be depressed and you might be struggling but you will be damned if you’re not doing your best.
you will show up at trainings and team bondings on time, with a happy grin fixed on your face. you will only post the most positive and staged content on your social medias and you will not let any of your teammates or most importantly laura herself, see just how not okay you are.
‘lights, camera, bitch smile.’ you think once again.
even when you wanna die, you’re doing good. you know you’re good because you’re miserable and nobody even knows.
you swore that you would fake it ‘til you make it and you’re doing it.
it’s your new job and you are not going to let anyone try to come for it.
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frostyhelltime · 21 hours
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Hi again! I would love if you could write possesive or jealous Rosie. Whichever you prefer and feel works best. Thank you in advance!
A/N: I love our prim and proper Overlord of Cannibal Town! Hope you enjoy! ❤️
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Jealous/Possessive Rosie with GN!Reader
Rosie in general is very good at maintaining her composure. After all she barely even flinched when the angel's head was taken out and thrown on the table during the Overlords meeting.
It takes a lot to get her to break that composure. Normally, anyway.
But it is possible, and it's certainly much easier when it comes to you.
There are the small times it slips through, such as when someone happened to be hitting on you while waiting for her.
She'll cheerfully call your name, even using pet names such as dear or darling while she wraps her arm around yours, very clearly trying to send a message.
To anyone else if would just seem like a show of affection. But you knew Rosie enough to know this was her way of marking her territory in a way the doesn't appear to break her composure to the general public.
But you keep that secret of hers.
One of many reasons she loves you.
Now if someone has the audacity to hit on you even after you said no, or worse, in her territory....that composure breaks just a little more obviously to the naked eye.
"Oh darlin' you're gonna have to try this newest batch of lady fingers! I think I really outdid myself this time!" Rosie's voice is all cheer and smiles as she brings out the newest thing she's made.
You of course, trust her cooking implicitly and graciously take one before taking a bite.
"Woah! It's good. Has a kick to it, but good." You nod, looking it over as if trying to figure out what the flavor was.
"Oh excellent! I wanted to surprise Al since he's finally back in town so I've been messing around with some Cajun flavors! I think I really got it on this one!" She's got such a chipper edge to her voice because she's happy she succeeded, and you can't help but smile. Rosie was always so sweet, sometimes she felt like a beacon of light in hell just for you, and from the way her citizens talked about her, you would say they agree too.
"Oh he's gonna love it, I'm sure." You smile, leaning over to kiss her cheek, which just further keeps her energy up.
"I'm gonna go ahead and bring them out so I can put them on display and start selling 'em." Rosie smiles, giddy as she leans over and presses her lips to yours in a chaste and sweet kiss.
When she comes back though you seem visibly distressed, another person's hands even on you. She quickly puts down what item was in her hand and makes a beeline to the two of you. She is still smiling but there's a heat to her eyes that is dangerous, and a slight venom in her words.
"May I ask what you're doing?" She cocks her head to the side politely, giving them a chance to apologize and learn some manners.
"Just trying to convince a sweet thing to take a chance on me."
Ah. Well. She tried.
"I think you should leave." Rosie says coldly, although she is still smiling politely.
"What? No. I'm sure I can convince them."
You are clearly not anywhere close to considering going anywhere with this person. At the person's statement Rosie just laughs, placing a hand over her chest as if she had just heard the funniest joke.
"I was not asking, dear."
The man stills a moment from how ice cold her voice is now, and he looks at her as if trying to size her up. But before he can decide what to do she's speaking again.
"If you would like to continue to overstay your welcome, I should have you know that as their Overlord, I take care of all of my souls here in Cannibal Town very diligently...and I've never been one to let them...go hungry." Her smile is still there, polite, as if she were simply asking him if he needed help with anything today. Her threat is indirect but the message is received loud and clear and they let you go, quickly making their way out.
Once they're gone Rosie relaxes, shoulders no longer tense. She turns to you, peppering your face with kisses a moment, to which you just laugh in delighted joy.
"I'm sorry I didn't realize earlier they were harassing you."
But you quickly comfort her and tell her she came just in time. She looks worried for a split second, as if trying to figure out if you're actually okay, when you speak up.
"Why don't we go visit the hotel? Deliver these special lady fingers to Alastor personally?" You suggest, knowing Alastor's company was always a good mood boost for Rosie, and her helpful nature meant she would enjoy giving a gift to someone she cares about. So she smiles and nods, worry leaving her face as she relaxes a little more.
"Yes, I think you're right. That sounds just lovely." She agrees, holding her arm out for you to hold onto so you can both start the walk there.
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sunnyyangie · 22 hours
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nsfw mdni!
choi taeyang x fem reader
requested! for 💟 anon <3
cw: coquette/feminine and sub reader, soft dom!theo, car sex, slight corruption kink, possessive!theo
-
taeyangs’ hand raises in front of your open mouth, holding a fresh strawberry. you giggle at the gesture and lean in to take a bite. you hum happily at the sweet taste of the fruit.
you lay on the blanket while your boyfriend stays propped up, staring down at you with a soft smile on his face. you glance over with a questioning look, “did it get on my face?” you ask, bringing your fingers to your chin. taeyang leans down, soft lips meeting your own, an even sweeter taste than the fruit.
“no, you’re just really beautiful.” he states, his eyes burning holes in your skin with how intense his gaze is. he always holds eye contact with you, confidence and charm radiating off of him.
your cheeks feel warm as you mutter a shy thank you.
“and i love your cute outfits.” he places a hand on your bare thigh, softly rubbing just barely past where the end of your skirt lays. “look just like a pretty princess.”
it takes everything in your power not to squeeze your thighs shut to try to relieve yourself of the sudden needy feeling. “you’re too sweet, taeng.” you say after snapping out of your trance, acting innocent.
-
as the sun begins to set, the picnic is over and the two of you are packing your belongings into the trunk of his car. he helps you into the passenger seat before he hops on the drivers side. you start to buckle in until he grabs your face to give you another kiss, and another, then one more.
“sorry. it’s just hard to resist you when you look so beautiful.” he tells you against your lips. “jus’ want you.”
“you don’t have to resist.” you whisper, returning a kiss. “have me.”
taeyangs’ eyes widen for a split second, somewhat stunned by your sudden boldness, not used to hearing something like that come from you. even though it was still tame, the two of you had only been intimate together once, the relationship still somewhat new.
“get on my lap then.” he requests, his seat already moving back to make room for you.
you feel adrenaline rush through your veins as you start to climb over to his side of the car, his hands immediately holding onto your waist. taeyang peppers kisses from your cheeks and down to your neck. “i want people to know you’re mine.” his teeth graze against your smooth skin, threatening to bite down.
“then let them know.” you test him, giddy at the thought of him marking you. he knows by your expression that you’re serious before diving back into your neck, sucking at the skin in three different spots. your fingers softly tug at his long hair as the final hickey is placed.
“so gorgeous, baby.” his thumb rubs your bruised skin while trailing wet kisses to your cleavage, your low cut top giving him more access. “and all mine.”
you hum at the praise, “all yours, prince.”
taeyang has a sly smile, loving the nickname. “can i fuck you here?”
you nearly gasp at the outwardness of his question, but nod, “please. yes.”
he pulls you in for a messy kiss. noses bumping, tongues sliding against the other. you roll your hips down and feel his bulge in his pants, causing a low groan fall from his lips.
you repeat the motion until he curses out loud, lifting you up so he can begin tug at his pants. your hands drop to help him free himself, hard cock coming into view. you bite your lip while blushing, shocked at his length.
“fuck, i just couldn’t wait until we were home to be inside of you.” you pull your thin panties to the side as he guides you to slowly sink onto his dick, making you wince at the stretch. “your outfit just drives me crazy.” taeyang lifts your silky skirt up to watch how his cock disappears. “you know how much i love you when you dress like this?”
your heart flutters at his words, brain beginning to fog up due to him filling you up. mind starting to turn into just taeyang, taeyang, taeyang. you hum in response as he helps you rise and fall onto him, cock digging deeper each time you drop. “thank you, tae.”
“my doll. jus’ wanna ruin you.” he pats your hair down, tugging lightly at the delicate bow that rests in your locks.
“please do.” you softly say, giving your boyfriend puppy dog eyes.
his expression changes, taeyang looks captivated by you. “gotta work for it, sweetheart. show me what you can do first.” his grip loosens to let you do your own thing.
you feel nervous. you weren’t too experienced, let alone with taeyang, but you wanted it so bad. plus, you’re comfortable with him, and you know this is a safe place so no judgement. still, you were shy, especially in situations like this.
he notices you’ve basically frozen up and places a warm kiss on your lips, pulling back with a comforting smile. “don’t worry, angel. i got you. don’t overthink it.”
you nod and let your hips finally move, your hands resting on his shoulders. taeyang continues giving you soft kisses on your neck to get you relaxed. “there you go, that’s it. just like that, baby.” he praises with a long hum. you slowly bounce on his length, relishing in the way he feels inside you.
“need more, taeng.” you whine. “feels good.”
“whatever my princess wants.” his hands tighten on your hips as he helps you ride him, his cock digging deeper into your slippery cunt faster. moans falling from your lips everytime your skin smacks onto his.
his bottom lip trapped behind his teeth, his darkened eyes only focused on you. “fuck, your pussy was made for me.”
you nod and pant out, “mh-hm! just yours, taengie. all yours.” the burn in your thighs becoming prominent, but your high was close. you wince and whine, squeezing at his shoulders. “wanna cum for you, please.”
taeyang groans. “all fucking mine.” he thrusts up continuously, the butterflies in your stomach becoming frantic. “cream my cock, princess.”
the sensation becoming too strong, you fall against his chest while you squeeze his cock with your walls. taeyang fucks you through your orgasm until your moans die down, then lifting you off his cock to place you on his lap, his throbbing length in between the two of you.
his hand wraps around his length as he pumps himself, face twitching and groans rising. his gaze going up and down your body, from your disheveled hair and fucked out eyes, down to the pretty little outfit you had on still. taeyang curses. “can you help me cum too, doll?”
you timidly wrap your hand on top of his own before he removes his, yours instantly jerking off his cock. his fingers dig into your skin as he lets out a loud moan. you watch as his release squirts onto your outfit, staining your delicate tank top and pretty miniskirt.
as taeyang catches his breath, you jokingly scold him, “this outfit was new, you know.”
he chuckles, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “i’ll buy you everything you want at the mall tomorrow.”
“deal.”
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bosinclairsgff · 2 days
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Slashers Reacting to self harm scars Pt. 2
MAJOR WARNING FOR SELF HARM
Includes : Thomas Hewitt, Norman Nordstrom, Mark Hoffman, Herbert West
Warnings: Kidnap
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You have been staying with the Hewitt family for a few months now. You had a daily routine, waking up early, doing your daily chores and spending your evening with Tommy. It had been a particularly hard week on the farm, Hoyt was being extremely difficult and hateful towards you. Tommy had been working super late every night and the heat was starting to make you feel sick. Everything combined just pushed you over the edge, so you did the only thing you could think of. You hadn’t relapsed in so long and really disappointed in yourself. Before starting dinner you went to change into a long sleeve top, even though you were burning up. Of course at dinner, Hoyt was the one to point out said long sleeve shirt. “Why the fuck do ya have on a damn long sleeve shirt in the middle of a Texas summer? I know damn sure ya ain’t cold girl.” He spits out making you cringe. Tommy simply grunted in response and that seemed to shut him up. After washing and cleaning up after dinner you decided to head to bed for a early bedtime. Surprisingly you found Tommy waiting for you in your shared room. “What are you doing up here love?” You question while making your way to the bed to sit next to him. He grunts in response. Being satisfied, you lean in and kiss his cheek. He leans into you. Getting up to take of your clothes, you start with your pants then shirt. Completely forgetting about earlier but it was to late you had taken your shirt off and by the angry grunt you heard you knew you had seen them. “I…I can explain!” No one did this to me I swear Tommy, I did it to myself.” You started frantically explaining. Immediately confusion and pain came to his eyes. Why? He questions with a tilt of his head. Tears start to fill your eyes as you try to find the words to explain to him. “I just was so stressed out and overwhelmed, I did the on,y thing I could think of. I’m sorry. I’lol try not to do it again.” You look down. Hearing the bed creak you knew he had gotten up from sitting down. When he got to you, he pulled you into a hug. Not being able to hold back the tears they streamed down your cheeks. The next day he made you let Luda May clean up the wounds. She scolded you but out of pure love for you. The next few weeks everyone was nicer and kept a close eye on you.
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Norman had found you trying to break into his home a few days ago. Since then you’d been locked up in his basement, confined to a small padded area. Everyday he’d bring food, water and water his plants. Begging didn’t seem to work with him. You tried explaining you were hungry and needed money, that you didn’t mean him any harm at all. He never listened. Today he brought down a new set of clothes for you and a wash cloth. Even he must have noticed you were starting to stink. Your arms were tied behind your back, legs were free. You couldn’t fight back even if you tried, he was so much stronger than you. You were completely at a disadvantage anyways, having your hands tied. “I’m going to wash you off and change your clothes. If you try to do anything, I will hurt you.” He states in his low voice. You whimper in response. With that he comes into my little corner of the dark world. His hands travel up my legs looking for my jeans buttons and zipper. Once he found it he starts removing my pants, underwear with them. “Wait, wait, why my underwear please I need them.” You cry out. He says nothing. Reaching for the wash cloth he brought you, he began washing your lower half. Kindly, he avoided your most intimate parts, never going above your lower thighs. After he was done he pulled out a pair of boxers and some sweatpants. Norman also pulled out duck tape, bringing your feet together and wrapping them tightly with the tape. He then un did your tied hands, letting you finally stretch your arms out. Reaching for the new shirt he instructed you to take your shirt and bra off. You had no other choice but to obey. “I’m done, I took them off” you whisper. Taking the wash cloth he finds your arms but stops when he feels the light scars. They were to many of them to be a cat scratch or a accidental cut. “Why would you do this to yourself?” Norman questions. Staying silent and holding back tears, he grips your arm tightly. “Answer me. Now.” He barks out. “I was in so much pain, I just needed to get it out. Please your hurting me, let go.” You say slightly sobbing. Satisfied he let go. He didn’t say anything but finished cleaning you and dressing you. Getting up to leave, he turns back towards you. “You never have to do that again.”
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You had been dating Mark for about a 6 months. Moving in with him after three months of being together. You’ve gotten closer to him than anyone has in a very long time. He cares about you so much, he’d die for you, kill for you. Mark knew you had struggled with self harm in the past, he’s seen the scars. You’d told him you had gotten better however and stopped doing that stuff. But, Mark had been neglecting you lately and things at work for you had been so hectic. With so much going on and feeling that you had no one to turn to, you cut again. You didn’t know how you’d hide it from him, you didn’t care at the time. As soon as you heard his keys Turing in the lock though, you cared. Frantically you looked for a long sleeve shirt. Just as he walked in you found one. “Y/n? I’m home, are you here?” He calls out. “Yes! I’m changing I’ll be there in a sec babe.” You respond. Fuck, why did you do that. What will you tell him if he see? You two have your normal after work conversations. He had brought Chinese takeout home for dinner. While reaching for plates to eat on your shirt revealed a bit of your arm, you didn’t notice but Mark did. “Y/n, what are those marks on your arm?” He questions but he already knows the answer. You freeze not knowing what to say. “Why would you do that. I thought we had moved on from such foolish behavior. You are an adult now, you cannot keep acting out like this, you know better y/n.” He shakes his head disapproving of your poor choices. “I’m sorry Mark, I was so stressed I didn’t know what else to do. Please don’t be mad I’m sorry.” You say holding back tears. He gets up and pulls you into a hug. “Either you control yourself of you’ll end up in some hospital where someone else will control you. That’s your decision. I love you, let’s eat.” He says letting go.
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Herbert was always so busy with work. He would come home and go straight to the basement, to go and do more work. It seemed like he never had time for you, more like he’d never make time for you. To be honest you didn’t even know what you guys were. Sure you lived together and slept in the same bed but half the time he’d talk to you as if you were a dumb child. It was tiring always being talk down to. Yes Herbert was an extremely intelligent man but you weren’t dumb either. Anyways, with the stress of normal everyday life and having a man who constantly treats you badly you finally relapsed. You hadn’t planned on cutting again, it just happened. To be honest you didn’t even think he’d care if he saw it, you wanted him to though so badly. It was almost midnight when Herbert got home. You were still up watching tv in the living room. “Y/n? Why are you still up? It’s almost midnight. Go to bed.” He said calmly, more like ordered. “I wanted to see you and maybe we could go to bed together. You always come to bed so late, I miss you. Please?” You question. Herbert pauses for a moment thinking. “You know I have a lot of work to do y/n. You can’t be selfish with my time.” He states. You scoff at the comment he made. “How can I be selfish with your time? I never get any of it. You are always in that damn basement or at work. I go to bed, the bed is empty. I wake up, the bed is empty. We don’t even really live together.” You say as you feel the tears starting to form. He’s taken back by this sudden outburst. The living room was dark, only the tv lighting up the room. Herbert flipped on the light switch. That’s when he saw your arm. He’s whole demeanor changed. Walking up to you he grabbed you by the shoulders. “Why the hell would you do something so, so, stupid!? What if they got infected or what if you cut to deep, huh? Then what? Do you want to die y/n!” He shouts. You couldn’t stop the tears. You’ve never seen him so angry and hurt. “I need to clean these up.” He calmly states while dragging you to the bathroom. The room is silent aside from Herbert getting  alcohol to clean the cuts with from the cabinet. “This will burn, you probably won’t mind though considering you did this in the first place.” He says coldly. It did sting, you cry out and try to pull away but he holds you in place. “Nu huh, you don’t get to run from it. You wanted to feel pain, so feel pain.” He whispers in your ear. You’ve never seen him act so coldly towards you. After the burning went away he wrapped your arms with gauze to make sure it stays clean. Herbert walked you to the bedroom and made the bed for you. “I want you to go to bed now y/n. I’m very disappointed in you. I never want to see you do something so stupid again. Do you understand me?” He questions. You only nod in response.
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raelyn-dreams · 3 days
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Where did you find the full tl for Ibuki? Not doubting you (HappyEle is notorious for mishandling minorities), but I've only been able to find bits and pieces for the new characters
The tl I read for Ibuki wasn't his idol story (I don't think that's been fully tled yet), it was his profile, sorry for the confusion! I should have worded that better 🙏
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MireiArchive had this rough tl for his profile, which matches up with the machine tl of "Born in Okinawa, and raised in America" (though you should always take machine tls with several handfuls of salt, I believe this one is accurate, as it matches up with the info provided by other translators).
They also provided a rough overview of his idol story, during which the incidents that are being talked about take place.
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We know this part of the rough overview of the story is accurate due to being confirmed by several sources (the jp and eng fandoms are talking about it quite a bit).
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These parts specifically are the ones where he claims to experience discrimination due to being Okinawan or American (any foreigners face potential discrimination due to a homogeneous society), though his current nationality is Japanese. The first two kanji after the question mark in the first screenshot is the word for "Okinawa" (I'd screen record this part, but unfortunately my phone's audio quality is abysmal 🙃).
Getting a bit into Okinawa's history, the Ryukyuan people are native to the Ryukyu Islands (part of which make up modern-day Okinawa), and they were annexed by the Empire of Japan during the Meiji Era. As Japan did with other ethnic groups, such as the Ainu, the vast majority of the Ryukyuan people were stripped of their culture and forced to assimilate. During WWII, after America invaded Okinawa, the US occupied them for several decades, and there are still US military bases there that are a topic of strong debate, due to their environmental, cultural, and political impacts. Ibuki's family likely has ties to America due to these past events (many Ryukyuans have immigrated to Hawaii in particular, due to it being a straight shot across the Pacific, something which started in the early 1900s).
After WWII, Ryukyuans supported Japan more strongly due to increased resentment towards Americans, causing a further decline of people who spoke Ryukyuan languages (the vast majority speak standard Japanese, like Ibuki) and other aspects of their culture. Ryukyuans are now mostly split between the Okinawa and Kagoshima prefectures. "Okinawan" as a term has become one meant specifically to refer to the Ryukyuans (Wikipedia and other places have great sources for further info on these topics), which Ibuki is.
Therefore, we come to the current discussion around Ibuki's identity and what that means for his writing going forward.
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(Tweet from mika_enstars discussing it, a well-known livetweeter and translator)
Overall, I'm hoping Akira has learned his lesson from the Amagis (and Adonis, while we're at it) and that the poor writing choices will be few and far between this time around, discounting this story, though of course I won't exactly be holding my breath. We'll have to wait and see until more stories drop, but yeah, that's the gist of the situation!
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sciderman · 3 days
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I won't lie, there's a centrain magic to reading comics, maybe it's because you have more control over the direction, speed, voices and music when reading over watching something, maybe it's how creative people can get with panel lay-outs, maybe it's all of those things along with the different art styles and way people express themselves through their comic runs, maybe it's the fact there's SO many of them and so many different runs, AUs, versions, solo-stories and characters that while not every comics is for everyone, there's A comics for everyone.
And it's something that only animation can come close to capturing, occasionaly some games because they can give us amazing set pieces and action and stylization through gameplay. But to me live action movies just miss the mark exept a few and even then i just enjoy the comics more.
I think one big thing for me is the narration, because it helps me relate to characters as someone who's thoughts are pretty loud and narration-like, and the fact it's ME who decides how i make the characters sound and talk rather than having to listen to someone else voice the character in a way that i feel isn't "right".
So i'd say personaly it's comics>>books (i like books, and i LOVE fanfics but the visual part stimulates my brain more) >>>animation>games>live action
i agree wholeheartedly! i don't know, i'm kind of in love with the comic medium. but i love writing, also. i just - i really don't like the passivity of animation and television - i need a lot more stimulation than that to get my brain working. i like all the brain work you have to do when you're reading words. and i love the challenge of pulling off "comedic timing" when you don't actually HAVE the dimension of time in your medium exactly - so you have to work with panelling, and you have to work with spacing in your writing - and it's just so sexy and more active for the brain. like you're inventing a language.
comedy writing in comics is so, so fulfilling because you're a comedian, but your format is visual. you need to rely on visual language to carry it. and jokes are all about expectation and subversion and timing. a joke can fall so flat if that timing is off. and - i don't know, i'm obsessed with comics, as if they're some kind of form of visual poetry. it's taken for granted, i think. it's taken for granted.
i think you become more restricted the more dimensions you introduce - so - writing is entirely free. you can do WHATEVER you want, all by yourself, without needing to rely on the quality of your art software or the actors you have at your disposal or anything - you can conjure any visual you like. comics - more challenging, you're limited by your artistic ability but again - you're not restricted by voice cast - god, i love being able to conjure any voice at all in my head for the boys. i think if i was restricted by voice actors i'd have to write them differently, et cetera et cetera... i'd be dealing with VAs and saying "actually. your delivery is all wrong. i have to rewrite the joke." - i'm so particular about these things, you have no idea.
i remember the first time i watched the deadpool movie after having read the original script over and over YEARS prior and having heard it play out in my head in the most hilarious of ways and then. hearing ryan's delivery of those jokes and thinking "oh. it's not that funny actually."
sorry ryan. it might've been funnier if i hadn't read the script already and hadn't already had the movie play out in my brain way funnier than how you did it. sorry. my brain is a better cinema.
something i also love about print vs film - i've had this problem with a lot of adaptations - i despise film adaptations of books i love, just because - something is so sullied about having so many hands in the pot. actors. camera men. producers. directors. all these people - when - what i loved about the book was feeling close to the author. it's just me and him. we're together, intimately. and all of that intimacy gets lost when you know there's a huge film crew behind it.
kind of weird. i love reading a book and just, giggling over the pages, like it's a joke between me and the author. i don't know, i'm a weird little saddo who craves intimacy. so i like the intimacy of it being a one-man show. i love things where i can feel close to the creator. i hope that's why people like my things too. and it's why i like my things. i sometimes think "ouugh. why can't i work for marvel" but i think about how - i'm lucky i get to create what i want to create without having to compromise or answer to editorial. and what i create can always be unapologetically me. and that means more. that means so much more.
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knight-princess · 1 year
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Kit and Elora: “We’ll do it together.”
Jade, Graydon, Boorman, Willow: “Oh so we came all this way through all that peril just so you could leave us on this cliff edge?”
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seventh-fantasy · 6 months
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li xiangyi, yin, and femininity
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we all know that li xiangyi is a character of fractured identities. and li lianhua is an unreliable narrator to his own story. these make him not the most straightforward character to study. but I've believed in treating li lianhua as a part of li xiangyi, rather than separates. and there must be a common thread that ties all of him together. thus, I offer what I have found to be the most useful lens to use to view him as a cohesive whole, regardless as li xiangyi, li lianhua, or any other identity he may reinvent into: his 阴 yin qualities. (yin of yinyang)
this framework suggested by the drama's text itself has helped clarify to me his strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and struggles. by identifying this constant, too, makes it so much easier talking about what has changed in him.
[to the, hopefully growing, boli lhl hivemind @markiafc @ananeiah]
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there are some notes on the concept of yinyang and chinese conceptualisation of gender I have to preface with.
[disclaimer: of course, I'm not even trying to cover a tip of what experts have extensively studied and debated in a depth it deserves. all I'm doing is try to parse the broad, fundamental ideas that are needed to explain my blorbos through my own spotty brain filter. so there bound to be nuances I've overlooked or some degree of my own interpretation. pretentious but needs to be done.]
阴 yin and 阳 yang are concepts characterised by passiveness, darkness, gentleness, femininity etc, and proactivity, light, toughness, masculinity etc respectively. a very key and handy concept to have in mind is their relationship to each other - which I'll not attempt at explaining better than literal scholars have:
Yin and yang exist only in relation to one another internally as the way warmth-coldness only exist relative to one another. Furthermore, when using yin-yang as an organizational schema, achieving balancing harmony is always the goal, not domination nor subordination of one to the other. [x]
while yin and yang can be symbols of femininity and masculinity, it doesn't mean all female are yin and all male are yang. it's certainly not a strict 1-to-1 equation. the concept of gender in chinese context is more social than biological. this suggests room for fluidity, and shaping of identities, often through social rituals as one journeys through life. it also means that there can be femininity in the masculine, and vice versa - in fact, that's only healthy because you need a good balance of the two worlds. no one part is better than the other. if you think of the two components as relative to each other, they are always interacting and affecting each other, rather than being strict and inert binaries. simply put, it needs to be kept in mind that there are greater nuances in applying yin and yang to the definitions of gender, and to avoid at all cost a simplification of this framework into a binary.
sure, the show has implied that lxy's powers and energy are yin-coded. but femininity is only one of the multiple attributes of yin. so how are we extending lxy's yin to femininity specifically? it's in the text that substantiates and qualifies lxy as feminine. dead women being used as proxies to his character. being literally dressed as a woman in order to put himself into their shoes and feel what they've felt. adopting a name that happens to be very, very feminine - 莲花 lianhua (lit. lotus flower) (it must be caveated that chinese names are NOT gendered. but there are just some names that are more feminine than others.) him coming to lead a life revolving around traditionally feminine, domestic things as li lianhua. him having interactions with the women around him like he's in his own element - no pressure and tension at all, unlike with all the other men.
as such, I'm more willing to use yin and femininity interchangeably in discussing lxy (while it's not necessarily applicable to every point that will be mentioned albeit there being some degree of implied association). and it's for the sake of elucidating what I feel is an intention or very plausible reading of the canon text in parsing feminine experiences in lxy's character. and thus, his queerness.
one last note is that taoism is going be mentioned quite a bit as well because of how much it as a philosophy honours the yin quality. its key tenets include valuing passiveness and inaction as a form of action, and submitting to the nature of things. and we will see how those come up in lxy's life too. (though I'm not gonna attempt to deep dive into it here beyond broad strokes of it.)
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a huge part of li xiangyi's yin actually manifests in him being a passive person. this applies not just to li lianhua, but also li xiangyi. I know. ok wait hear me out. the idea of yinyang is after all components that can change and are relational to each other: thus, there were points in li xiangyi's life when he was less passive than other points, but they ultimately don't match up to the degree of aggression displayed by other men around him. so relative to their display of proactivity and aggression, he can be considered as passive. the best example is that of shan gudao proposing to launch an offensive on jinyuan alliance, while lxy - as much as he was arrogant about it - was standing his ground on not taking action in favour of peace.
it has already showed up in his childhood as well. he wasn't a particularly competitive child: 从来都没有谁要和你争 nobody has ever thought of competing with you over anything, he told sgd as he recalled of their times growing up. it was in fact sgd who was desperate to control and override lxy's presence. baby lxy did not hesitate at all over giving up on winning in favour of protecting his only rare few close relationships left in the world (given how hard-earned relationships are when they're non-familial !!!!). as much as I resent the one-dimensional writing of sgd, he has served as a very strong marker to highlight on lxy's yin.
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I've harped on it several times before but this is the time I finally get to explain it proper: my own theory is that li xiangyi became an unparalleled swordsmaster because of his yin/feminine quality, not in spite of it. an interesting point that had been out in the open unclaimed until it was brought up in our friend group is that, li xiangyi does not actually fit anybody's conventional image of a 武林盟主 wulin mengzhu (ie. ruler of wulin). it would most likely have been some burly, muscular, ultra-masculine dude. even if they don't look like the demonic monk, it should be someone more like di feisheng. but. it's li xiangyi, the boyish, delicate-looking kid, who came to the top. (no wonder people - mostly men - love or love to bully hate him like weak men hate powerful women??)
"why didn't they cast someone who looks more like a wulin mengzhu (read: traditionally manly)?" no, no that's precisely the point. nobody said wulin mengzhu have to look manly. and also who is to define the manliness required to be in a place of authority? (or in my other meta, we would ask, who is to define anybody gets to have the authority over anyone else at all?)
by taoist ideal, gentleness is the most refined form of strength. li xiangyi has been haunting and distracting me in my chinese calligraphy practices lately because I'm thinking about how this must be the closest to what it felt like lxy becoming the best swordsman in jianghu. (so pretentiously brainrotten of me, I know, BUT IT'S REAL and I'm suffering.) mastering a chinese art is essentially about mastering a delicate balance between force and gentleness; being able to draw force from softness 柔中带刚 and an ability to maintain this balance. a beginner will instinctively hold a brush for the first time with brute, unrefined force. some fairly reputable contemporary calligraphers, according to my teacher, can be seen as being either too soft or too forceful - but are still able to pass off as good enough. it's then, the master of masters who will have the sophistication of a firm yet flexible control of the brush with the appropriate use of gentleness/laxness that produces a harmony of strokes. this idea extends to any other sort of chinese craft or practice including traditional chinese medicine, and I believe, swordsmanship too. I'm taking a fucking leap of faith here to say this because I practise NO sort of (chinese) martial arts, I must caveat. (someone who does may want to say something...) but theoretically that should be how it works.
it is not for no rhyme or reason, or *handwaves* that lxy emerged to the top AND is almost undefeatable. among a competitive, forceful (ie. yang) wulin, li xiangyi stood out with a power and energy defined by yin (ie. gentleness and stability) that led him to create his signature 扬州慢 yangzhouman. it is characterised by 慢 slowness (my calligraphy teacher says to us all the time to take it slow), and also described by dfs as 中正绵长 - which I would best describe by painting a picture of a steady and stable stream. these precisely speak of the essence of a mastery of gentleness as strength to me.
conversely, dfs's way in mastering power is very largely premised on taking action because he literally had no other choice in the environment he grew up in. both of them develop in opposite ways. it was the case of gentleness for lxy clearly because he grew up in a safe, nurturing environment that had allowed him to be slow and steady at his own pace, drawing on his natural gifts.
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now top of the wulin world at 17, li xiangyi founds sigu sect. li xiangyi, the boy before becoming menzhu and li xiangyi the leader of sigu sect are not the same.
how then did a (relatively) passive boy like lxy end up founding sigu sect. this lxy is the one who was fostered into competition - though not in an abusive, twisted way. in fact he was raised in a rather taoist way by his shifu: to be honest with yourself and respect your opponent. so he honoured whatever powers he had been bestowed with by nature. he gives into it. even so, at another level, I just have a sense that shifu and shiniang's competitive marital spat had an insidious effect on the boys...though the detrimental effect was more on sgd than lxy. baby lxy feels like a sweet-natured kid who was just in his own zone, you know - some (aka sgd) would say, too much of him even, to have not realised what was wrong at all with his shixiong for years.
that's not all of course. I've always gotten the vibes that his attitude behind forming sigu sect felt more like, this is what all the good men of jianghu do and I will have to do it now especially that I'm the best. it didn't feel particularly personal to me, but rather what would have been expected of him by the social climate of wulin jianghu (eg. lxy saying to 光耀师门 bring honour to his teacher). it's definitely not an expectation from his shifu, who explicitly told him that he was never expected to become a noble figure of any sort, but just to be alive and contented. as concluded by the man himself as li lianhua: "有些人入了江湖是为了立心,而有的人入江湖为的是立命。我却不知道自己真正想要的是什么。some people enter jianghu for the cultivation of the mind, others for a cultivation of a meaningful life. but I never knew what I truly wanted." he was ultimately, unwittingly a passive player in his own story of becoming the great sigu sect leader.
(at this point, as a side note, I do wonder if there were any other similar sects or alliances that function the same as sigu sect that came before it. because I'm damn well sure there must be something, as likely as there must have been generations of wulin legends who came before lxy. but of course, this is not what the story is concerned with at all and I'm ok with that.)
it's crucial to point out that, even despite this being the phase of his yang in the display of taking action and enacting firmness, lxy had still done sigu sect with the sole purpose and manner of upkeeping peace and order (in the way of the pro-universal love, anti-aggression mohist 侠 xia leader of the people). he's still very characterised by yin in my books, especially when vis-à-vis to sgd.
a li xiangyi full of himself and made himself too useful to the people was only bound for a great asteroidal fall, in the concept of 物极必反 - or in taoist lexicon 反者道之动 (ie. anything that has reached its limit will only start developing in the opposite direction). if you think you're above all, you can only go down.
this manifests during the next time he took action - and it was one so forceful that it overpowered even his opponent, dfs who ended up being the passive, receiving party in this case - was in initiating the battle at donghai 10 years ago... and gee oh boy. it didn't end well - for both of them, but even more so for lxy. (dfs was like 'tis but a scratch (shrugs)' as compared to him being ripped off his tendons by jiao liqiao like nezha did to the dragon prince. truth is he had to go into a 10-year healing retreat served by his entourage. :p) ok, I digress.
xiao zijin was quick to attribute sigu sect's fall to lxy's arrogance - in turn setting the stage for lxy's 10 years of self-hatred and the framing of lxy as a villain? irresponsible figure? by jianghu. (god forbid girls do anything! ok for legal reasons, this a joke.) lxy lost his mind in ways I believe he never had in his life there and then upon seeing his shixiong dead. so, you could say he led the jianghu world to ruins out of love (using this term loosely). but it feels inaccurate to say it's due to arrogance. he did not do that out of self-importance or ego, especially when the revenge for sgd was a collective decision made by sigu sect as we know from the flashback. so when llh pinned all fault on himself for being arrogant in the past, it is with caution to take his words because that's the unreliable narrator in him speaking.
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anyway, it's precisely li xiangyi that is capable of bouncing back from such a fatal crisis, equipped with his yin and a mastery that gave him the power of flexibility.
it's extremely vital to re-establish that literally the only thing that was keeping li xiangyi alive, physically, as li lianhua is yangzhouman. (monk wuliao literally said that to lxy even though he did facilitate in saving him.) it's the yangzhouman that was drawn from lxy's mastery of yin. without yangzhouman, li xiangyi would not even have the chance to become li lianhua and undergo any needed process of transformation. without li xiangyi, there would have been no yangzhouman. no li xiangyi, no li lianhua, get it?
the point is not to deny the change li xiangyi wants to make and has made. but to acknowledge that change isn't about complete erasure and destruction. something from you survives. something in you had kept you alive to have you come so far, regardless of all the bad bits that you want to denounce of. you've always been worth it.
bringing back the thing about his new name: the distinction must be made that he did not pick it because it was feminine but it just so happened a feminine name had resonated with him. (read: he didn't necessarily identify as a woman but identified with femininity. at least within the parameters of canon text.)
he also made an interesting choice to retain his surname for someone who was desperate to sever ties from his past. hmm. or maybe he wasn't that desperate? when li lianhua says li xiangyi is dead, I believe it meant that li xiangyi the sigumen menzhu is dead rather than li xiangyi as an entirety. li lianhua is a returning to the path lxy could have gone if he did not establish sigu sect, the path that shifu wanted him to take. when he walked to the doors of sigu sect in the aftermath, nothing was actually stopping him from going back (people were still around and alive, instead of all dead people, you know)... except for himself. taking that action would have been too much for him. so he went with the flow of life giving him a chance at rebirth and walked away. there, inaction as a form of action.
zhan yunfei and qiao wanmian have said to li lianhua, oh that doesn't sound like li xiangyi at all. but has it been considered that, maybe it was sigu sect's lxy who wasn't the real lxy? sigu sect lxy was one big performance of the values of masculinity and heteronormativity that llh had came to an awareness of, and eventually struggle with again and resist against in the final year of his life. there had only been some glimpses of his true nature allowed (validated by fang duobing talking about lxy at his altar).
imho, most flashbacks of lxy during that period felt impersonal and more like a template of a hero expected to marry his girl at 18. going through all the motions and steps of a normative life even before he was old enough to grasp and explore his own identity and what it meant in the world. no wonder he denounced so much of what he had done as lxy including liking girls. walking away then also meant a walk away from those duties and expectations. li lianhua is li xiangyi liberated from masculine duties and heteronormative performance.
in doing that, he had the opportunity for the first time in his life to explore what he truly wanted, at least within the parameters of what he could afford to do at that point. he could go on to build a domestic, feminine life within the space of jianghu (as I've established here). it's a kind of feminine lifestyle that doesn't quite exist in mainstream society - being a woman there meant to stay put in a domestic space without much room to move socially. nor did it exist in wulin jianghu because even the women there like shi-guniang and jlq were expected to be masculine, aggressive, competitive. so building a mobile home in the space of jianghu is his way of defining the life he wants and can have. li lianhua is the extension of femininity in li xiangyi - and one that can be free.
it's also worth talking about in my opinion what is one of the most important and a favourite dihua moment: when dfs said to lxy that his greatest weakness was to like being a hero. and a swordsman should be without weaknesses. I'm forever wrapped up in how many layers this can be read in. was he mad at lxy for liking to be a hero or having weaknesses, or both? if the former, it was dfs criticising, based on lxy's public reputation, lxy's oversized illusions about being a hero - a figure of masculinity with an unrealistic sense to uphold noble goals eg. saving the world etc. that is actually perfectly logical coming from dfs, the straightforward, no-nonsense, morally neutral guy with no illusions about heroism (in this case, he feels more like a yin). but at the same time, we should understand that lxy's motivations behind the donghai battle are more personal than noble. if any, it was actually the opposite of noble - it was like he was acting out of the role of a caretaker of his family, and at a cost of the peace and order of jianghu he was set on guarding(!!) dfs also knew that lxy was there just for his shixiong. and so, dfs, who happens to be the epitome of yang, can be read as a symbol of masculinity disapproving of lxy for being sentimental and emotional; for having the "feminine" desires to simply want to defend his family (not saying those are exclusively feminine traits but they have been conventionally associated as feminine). I think both layers of reading are correct and should work together to contribute to the complexity of their characters. (we can see how it contributes to lxy and dfs being the perfect yinyang halves to each other, which I will come back to briefly touch on later.)
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for 10 years he lived a life of seclusion and staying-in-his-own-lane a taoist would be proud of. he knew he was dying and has always been ok with dying, as he claimed. but did he want to die? to think of it, it was the opposite. because in those 10 years when he could have 100% just taken action to take his own life, he didn't. in fact, he lived on and took care of himself in the way shifu wanted him to. he had simply preferred letting nature run its course. if bicha didn't take him, he wasn't gonna do anything. but if he died one day very soon, he would be ok with it too. sure, he was maybe banking on a lead to sgd's whereabouts to appear during his last years alive but that clearly wasn't the only thing on his mind for NINE years because he didn't actively go out seeking for that either. this is basically him telling dfs that he would just lie in the sun and wait for the sweet release of death, if dfs were to force him to fight. not even the mortal threat from dfs was enough to move him into action of fighting back or killing himself.
time and again, lxy as llh was dragged into fdb's cases but not only that, he also maintained an impersonal distance with them. it's starkly different from the usual (wuxia) hero archetypes (for eg. fdb) who would be more impassioned and personally invested in the plight of the victims- or unlike most seemingly aloof protagonists who would somehow grow emotionally invested over time. one of the many things I love about llh is that he never tries a second time to persuade people out of their decisions he finds unwise (eg. him just wanting to move on in response to the girls in 女宅 insisting on staying behind with their slave master at first.) he will not interfere in other people's choices made in their own lives. it's not his business. he didn't even want to be there, to be honest.
however as the story progresses, more and more people - especially men, his past, and the leads to the truth came back to demand and taunt him into doing something. they vary from well-meaning people without any harm intended such as fdb intruding upon his private space completely uninvited and qwm wanting him back; to dfs merely seeking him as a mean to an end initially (eg. I only need him to live long enough to have one last fight); and finally, on the other end of the spectrum, outright aggressive and hostile people like sgd and xzj who wanted him to die. under all this pressure, he tried his best to deflect, but he does waver especially when it comes to matters concerning the people he cares about aka his obsession wish of 10 years of looking for sgd's remains that had lied low until fdb entered his life, and then later on taking revenge for his shifu.
looking for sgd became his final bid at taking action. he was operating on a slim chance of getting some emotional closure from finding out his shixiong is dead for real, yes. what a good plan. but objectively unnecessary. or surprise! uhhh...finding out his beloved shixiong is actually alive and would strangle him for one corn chip? AND OH NO IT GOT WORSE- uncovering a devastating truth about his shifu's death that he could have totally gone on with life fine without knowing if he had continued not caring.
but it is sometimes just impossible not to care - it is only human to care. and he is human, not an icon in the image of a hero. so he took a chance, once more, and it killed him in unprecedented ways. it's donghai all over again. things in life don't go as planned. you fuck around and it fucks you back. finding out the truth behind his shifu's death and his family background from the past did nothing for him as li lianhua living in the present.
it's no wonder that this lxy decisively relinquishes the desire to take action in the end. he goes back to letting nature run its course. and this time, stands firmly to it despite everyone begging him otherwise. wangchuan flower could only give him a recovery (or survival?) rate of 30%. there's a 70% chance of failure and even in the 30% he was not sure what he was to become. in comparison, dfs took a 10% chance game of survival in a heartbeat, and it pushed him to new heights. that's how they differ: he thrives by taking risks and action while lxy the other way round. so, something like that has happened before and he wants none of it again.
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he leaves lotus tower, only taking his horse and a sack - relinquishing almost every other material belonging he had - and sets off on a journey. before xzj interrupted...where to was he going?? I wonder. we don't know for sure, I think? and are we allowed to know? that makes the scene he had with xzj an understated inflection point in the very last part of his journey. yes, he was already on his way to...maybe die? but not necessarily. you don't have to travel distances with your belongings for that, right? or speak to dfs personally about not wanting to fight? (borrowing one of @ananeiah's takes.) regardless, he was definitely leaving behind jianghu - not only wulin jianghu (he already did that 10 years ago), but also the jianghu space he had carved out in the last 10 years.
what sparked the decision to jump off the cliff in him was dfs's words from the night of their wedding 10th donghai anniversary: 横扫天下容易,断相夷太剑不易 conquering the world is easy, breaking xiangyi sword is not. in the original context, dfs was talking about defeating lxy being harder than conquering the world. but when it came to this scene, it was to lxy about forsaking the very last worldly possessions he had after already giving up on lotus tower and hulijing (including releasing his horse), especially his only connection left to swordsman lxy.
perhaps it had dawned on him that, wanting things at all was bad for him. in the last 10 years, he lived a life of seclusion, wanting very little. but he had still wanted things. there were still things he couldn't let go of that had led him to this state. despite having lived on an identity inspired by a buddhist teaching for 10 years, maybe it was only at this point that he was finally the closest to reaching an understanding of it. (I wish I was knowledgeable enough right now to dive into the possible buddhist reading here but alas. I'll leave it to our resident expert @markiafc)
it doesn't quite matter in the end where he was going after all. what mattered was that he literally went where the water took him and we're not supposed to know where it ends. I'm not seeing this in a bad and pessimistic way though. I think the relief in all this is that he had tried his best to within his abilities. also it's a form of enlightenment in relinquishing a desire, an obsession, a need to take any more action in order to live well. thus his ending felt to me relatively tender, empowering, and kind - albeit bittersweet and heartaching - than other possible kinds of ending, in a story where it was very possible for him to have died under the knives of his opponents or bicha at any moment, outside of his control.
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if you've come so far in this post, congratulations! but also a reveal is that... you're not immune to the dihua propaganda threaded throughout this post. :P
as mentioned, other men like sgd and xzj in lxy's life were incredibly hostile to him. their yang nature overwhelmingly powers his yin. but dfs is different. dfs is the yang counterpart that fits perfectly to his yin.
dfs's yang is one that contains yin, that mirrors lxy's balance of yang in yin. it was suggested in text they are yinyang-coded meant to complement each other, given that whenever wangchuan flower's yin vs yang properties were discussed, the two men were always spoken about in the same breath. more importantly, as with the above few analyses of dfs's words playing a big role in shaping of lxy's choices with multiple meanings - as well as their day-to-day interactions - we can see that they constantly play off each other.
dfs's yang energy has been used to help lxy prolong his life (though not saving him entirely), while lxy has used his yin energy to save dfs and subsequently helped him attain his breakthrough. dfs has also helped lxy in his breakthrough of yin but not in the same way as dfs's cultivation of his combative powers, and rather, it's for lxy an understanding of his own path to take in life - a cultivation of the mind (both times 10 years before and after). given how significant dfs is in the shaping of lxy's realisation of the yin path - alike his shifu has, it's no wonder that they were the only two people lxy had imagined in his last sword dance of a farewell to jianghu.
with each of them coming together to form the perfect yin-yang model, they're a harmony of yin and yang representing the cosmos. what I also love is that they didn't start out as a perfect fit, but only towards the end of the story was the harmonisation completed, which makes sense for two components that are always in a flux influencing each other. the fact that they were number 1 and 2 of wulin, and being the only ones capable of understanding each other in a level nobody else could... it all reinforces the cosmic sense of their relationship. they're the halves to a whole, fitting in a specific way nobody else can.
(I mean. technically this is going into the space of extrapolation based on a tangential interpretation of canon text, so do take it with a pinch of salt. but of course this pinch of salt can do wonders for a shipper's feast... :P and this certainly could have been a meta of its own expanding on dfs's side of the analysis, but this is it for now in this context.)
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to think of it, li xiangyi has actually died more than that one time that turned him into li lianhua. first was a death of him as a nanyin royalty - I resent having to bring up nanyin like it should hold any weight to the narrative as far as I'm concerned, but the point being that he had a completely different (familial-based) life before that still stands. then he had a rebirth as li xiangyi, disciple and swordsman to his shifu and shiniang, and later died again when li xiangyi the sigu sect leader took over. lxy the sigu sect leader died at sea in the battle 10 years ago and came back as li lianhua. (just like nezha, died after battling at east sea and rebirthed from the lotus) li lianhua then dies by the end of the drama.
there can be a myriad of interpretations as to what exactly happened to him, including the possibility that he's still alive. regardless, we can agree that li lianhua as an identity has ran its course, and he had to evolve again. but into what form?
in the line of thought of yin and femininity, and how his transformation has been in an increasing degree of presentation of femininity - even way back when I was watching the show, I had the idea of him living socially as a woman post-li lianhua. I don't know what he would be realistically doing or what could be practical for him in such an identity. but conceptually it was sensible and compelling to me before diving deeper into the details. (I have more elaboration to do on this that I won't be talking about here publicly but it is in the same strain of idea as this other comparative meta I wrote.)
I think the next possible identity lxy can assume - alive in the material realm or not - is one that will be beyond a material being. a nameless entity. once you've gone through the phases of life - from not knowing to knowing, and perfecting knowledge, then to the surpassing of knowledge - you surpass all worldly existence, and become one with the cosmos.
I end this off with an excerpt from Tao Te Ching's Chapter 41 (I'm not pretending to have read the whole book ok but I couldn't resist including this):
明道若昧,进道若退,夷道若纇 [...] 道隐无名 The bright path seems dim; Going forward seems like retreat; The easy way seems hard [...] The Tao is hidden and without name. (x)
the character translated into "easy" is the same 夷 yi of li xiangyi's name. somehow this seems to encapsulate the journey of his life: one that seems blessed and smooth-sailing but ending up to be rocky and turbulent. but at the end of the day, after all that he had been through, he will become hidden and without name.
#莲花楼#mysterious lotus casebook#lhl#lhlmeta#my posts#a big win for the inaction fandom. lxy would have been patron saint#this inevitably turned into a 'lhl is a taoist and buddhist story if not a very chinese story' meta hbhjbjhbhjjb#the last thing i do before going to sleep is write this meta. the first thing i do after waking up is write this meta.#i feel so insane writing this. it kept growing like a monster. do you think this is a joke it's like my part-time job now#but it's one of the few times in my life i have confidence in my insanity. so.#crazier thing is. this meta is approaching 6k words yet i still think there must be things i haven't covered.#the last section is so nuts idk how i even wrote it guys i think i was possessed#it's also like the most pretentious way to put that he's dead in this world ok hjbjhbhjbhjbjbh#to be clear iirc the drama didn't say LXY'S POWER/ENERGY IS YIN in the same way it literally said dfs's energy is yang#but it's definitely implied by the explanation of the flower's healing properties for both of them. on top of yangzhouman#also fuck. another reason he didn't choose to save himself was so dfs could have the yang flower which he believed was what dfs wanted#thank u frens mark and ana for indulging my brain in the first time i brought the lxy as woman thing up. for it to have come this far#ofc disclaimer is that a lot of this is my own reading. it doesnt have to be agreed by everyone#i would be very happy though if any part of it resonated with anybody#also a good part of the analysis is based on my memory of the show. though i did revisit parts selectively to verify. sooooo. yeah.
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marlenacantswim · 9 months
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late to the fic party but. tim and daisy, title "baby on board"
Baby on Board
Tim rubs a knuckle across his chin. "Well is that fine with you?"
Absentmindedly, Daisy wiggles the hunk of plastic between her fingers. "Um, yeah, actually. I know we've never, y'know, discussed it—"
"No, no, it's fine with me too, believe it or not. Honestly I'm having a hard time believing it myself."
"What, that you got me pregnant after our week-long competition to see which of us was better at sex?" For a brief moment, both of them pause to recall Daisy getting way too competitive and Tim being way too into that.
He snaps them back to the moment with a hand cupping Daisy's face— "No, Diaz: that I'm excited about it."
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