#you might come out the other side a totally different bitch im serious

[cadaverkeys]

You really can always tell if someone has read Homestuck. And no it's not just in the way they draw or the music they listen to or the references they make. Homestucks are genealogically, neurologically, aesthetically, and dialectically distinct from all other people. Homestuck is basically like a type of extremely powerful spore or perhaps radiation that makes someone different in diverse yet identifiable ways when given long term exposure. Basically.

#rambles #homestuck / #hs / #unreality #THIS IS A JOKE PLEASE BUT ALSO ITS A LITTLE TRUE. #there is a pre-homestuck and post-homestuck state of being... #youre lucky if you get through the whole comic with your original nane and pronouns 😭 #you might come out the other side a totally different bitch im serious

[thebigqueer]

BILCO FANFIC - “The VSCO Demon”

Summary: Will is possessed with a VSCO demon that will turn him into the one and only Billiam Thabdrew Sksksolace, a VSCO girl.

Word Count: 3513

Note: This is my first writing on Tumblr so everyone sing happy birthday! also its terrible! also I GREATLY APPRECIATE FEEDBACK (but please give it to me gently cuz im a Sensitive Bitch TM) (if you even sound a little mean ill start crying)

ALSO: Credits to my online bff for Nico’s pet hyena, Bambi. (HI I LOVE YOU)

Nico knew something was wrong with Will.

He could tell that there was something always bothering him, hidden deep beneath that sunshiny facade he always seemed to use in front of other people. He was hiding something, and it seemed to be eating at him like a parasite. 

Nico’s suspicions began when he first noticed Will’s slight speech slipup. Will and Kayla were discussing the new demigods that were to move in soon, and Kayla let loose the fact that she was a little iffy about one of them. Will’s eyes had widened, showing off the blue of his eyes, and he said, “Anna oop-”

He clamped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. He’d already said it. Nico didn’t know what it meant, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. (Was it some kind of prophetic power? Did Will just spew some words from a prophecy in a totally different language? Maybe Nico would ask Rachel later.) When Nico confronted him afterwards, Will just turned his head away and said he was going to head to sleep.

It wasn’t only his foreign phrases - it was also the stuff he bought. On their dates to New York City, Will would slink him and Nico away to a store and buy something. Sometimes it would be an oversized T-shirt, other times it would be scrunchies, and one time he even bought a gigantic water bottle. (“It’s called a Hydroflask,” Will told him.)

Will was scary in those moments. His eyes would get big as he eyed all his new items, and his hands would tap furiously on the wooden counters while he waited. Nico wasn’t sure what this meant, but it seemed that Will was going through something. Something terrible. 

And the moment they got back, Will would start immediately sobbing. Nico would literally have to hold him from falling face down on the ground because of how hard he would be weeping. He’d cry, “It’s not happening, it’s not happening! I can’t become VSCO!” 

All Nico was able to do was watch his golden boyfriend sob in his arms, unable to help, unable to understand.

It wasn’t until a late day in November when Nico found out what his boyfriend was hiding from him. Will had been antsy all breakfast, avoiding Nico’s eyes like it was the coronavirus; Nico knew that he wasn’t the only one who noticed - Kayla and Austin had given him furtive, sympathetic glances. Nico’s heart pounded in his chest, anxiety spiking his pulse and chilling him down to the bone. 

Nico couldn’t help but to wonder, Is he going to break up with me? 

Safe to say, his breakfast was ruined, and he pulled just a little away from Will. He didn’t miss the awkward looks he got from Kayla and Austin, nor did he miss Will’s slight flinch at the loss of contact between the boys.

After a silent breakfast, when everyone had left to start their daily activities, Nico stood to go. If Will didn’t want to talk to him, then fine. He’d manage that. 

But a warm hand clamped on his wrist, begging him to stay. Nico turned his face to Will’s, absorbing his golden features and the heavy vulnerability in those blue eyes. It hit Nico that whatever Will wanted from him, it wasn’t going to be good.

Nico sat back down carefully. Will’s pink lips were turned at the corners and, having a closer look at his face, Nico realized his eyes were puffy and red like he’d been crying.

Upon seeing his boyfriend’s expression, Nico reached out and touched Will’s tan face gingerly, brushing his own pale fingers through his golden locks. “Will,” he whispered, “what’s wrong? You’ve been so… so closed off from me. Is everything okay? And don’t lie this time, please. I’m serious.” 

Will opened and closed his mouth, then unlatched his eyes from Nico’s and closed them. He took a deep, shaky breath, as if gearing up for a long and tiring mission. Nico squeezed Will’s right hand - His baby hands, Nico thought ridiculously, all small and cute - and laced them together, squeezing lightly. A “Hey, I’m here for you” squeeze. 

Will turned his focus back on Nico, a small smile lacing the corners of his mouth, but not quite eradicating his internalized pain.

“Nico,” he began, “I… I have an issue.” Will’s freckled cheeks bloomed with bright red blotches and he sheepishly looked away again. 

Anticipation and anxiety gripped Nico like a vice and his breath hitched. “What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to tamper down his growing unease. He didn’t want to make Will feel more nervous than he already did.

Will swallowed, as if he was trying to keep down the words from ever appearing. Nico brushed his pale thumb over Will’s, hoping it would calm him a bit. A beat passed, and Will said, “I have this… demon inside me. It’s a terrible demon. I was possessed as a kid.”

“What?” asked Nico. “A demon? What do you mean?”

Will sighed shakily, his eyes focused on the floor. “It’s called a VSCO demon.” 

“Will…” Nico started, but he wasn’t sure what he would say. I’m sorry? That didn’t seem right, not at this moment. It seemed like Will wasn’t quite looking for pity. Instead, Nico opted to inquire more about this demon: “What exactly does the demon do? How much is it going to impact your life?” 

“Well… actually, it’s going to impact my life a lot. Essentially, it’ sgoing to make me a VSCO girl. You know what that is, right? I explained it to you.”

Nico nodded.

Will continued. “First, it’ll start off with more subtle things, like specific hand spasms.” Will demonstrated what he meant by bringing his right hand to his face and then turning to the side, then frowned. “There’s also some expressions that I might repeat a lot. Like… ‘anna oop-’, or ‘oooh, tea, sis!’ or ‘sksksksk.’” 

Nico watched Will’s expression as he said each phrase and his heart felt like it was being squished. Will looked like he was trying very hard not to let it take over him, let those stupid terms make him into a new person, but he was so exhausted. Nico touched his boyfriend’s face again. “I’m… sorry, Will. That’s terrible.”

Will nodded, but he didn’t seem to hear Nico. “When it gets worse, you’ll start noticing. I’ll be wearing oversized T-shirts, I think… scrunchies on my wrist, maybe.” He sighed again, but this time a small sob escaped from his lips too. When he looked up, Nico saw he had fresh tears glassing over his eyes. “I’m going to be carrying that stupid Hydro Flask with me forever, Nico. Forever.” 

That seemed to do it. In a matter of seconds, the floodgates of Will’s emotions had opened up and he was spilling everywhere. Nico pulled him close, despite not being much of a hugger, and drew small circles on his back. He felt Will’s tears soak through his T-shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he felt so heartbroken by Will’s emotions, he wanted to start crying himself.

But he had to keep it strong, for Will. Nico bit his lip to keep himself from letting out a few tears himself. 

After several moments, Will seemed to calm down enough to pull away from Nico, even though tears still ribboned down his cheeks like liquified crystals. He pulled a tissue from his sweatshirt pocket and blew his nose, honking like he was the goosiest of all geese.

“Anyway,” Will continued, sighing heavily. “I have to tell you something else.” He threw the snot-saturated tissue over his shoulder, where some poor sucker would have to pick it up themself and throw it out. Taking a deep breath (Nico swore he was just trying to steal all the oxygen out of the air now, probably trying to photosynthesize or something), Will pulled Nico’s hands to his chest. “When the demon takes over me, Nico, my alter ego will come out. I will not be able to control it. His name… is Billiam Thabdrew Sksksolace.”

Will paused dramatically, letting that name sink in.

“Oh, Will,” Nico said quietly, throwing his arms around his boyfriend. “Is there a cure to this? Can you fix it?”

Will rested his head in the space between Nico’s neck and shoulder. “No,” he answered, his voice muffled. “There isn’t. I just have to live with being a VSCO girl from now on.” Pulling away so that he was mere inches from Nico’s face, he asked: “Would you still love me, Nico? Even after I become… become Billiam?”

“Of course,” Nico exclaimed, not a moment of hesitation. “Of course! You are more than your stupid demon. You can be as much of a VSCO girl as you become, and I will always love you.”

Will’s face crumpled again and he pulled Nico tighter, so close Nico could almost swear his ribs were going to break. 

“Thank you, Nico. Thank you.” 

~~~

It was only a few weeks until the real changes started showing up. 

When Nico went into the Apollo cabin in the mornings, sometimes he’d see Will in an oversized T-shirt, waving around a metal straw with his baby hands, exclaiming, “OOOH THAT’S TEA!” whenever one of his siblings said something, or referring to himself as Bill Sksksolace when someone called him Will. 

Those spells wouldn’t last long, but it was still discerning. 

As the days progressed, it got worse. The spells wouldn’t last in just the morning - they’d appear in the afternoon, in the night time, and at nine in the afternoon. Nico would walk in on a conversation Will was having with another camper, and just when things seemed like they were going smoothly, Will would mutter: “SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKS.” The camper would look at Will strangely, laugh a little, then leave. 

Nico would have to sit with Will and tell him that it was alright, that it’s just part of the course. He’ll be alright.

Despite the fact that things were getting worse, it didn’t bother Nico too much. He already knew it would happen sooner or later, so there was no point anticipating and being scared over it.

And yet, nothing would prepare him for the gut punch of when it really did happen. 

It was a morning like any other. The sun shone above the camp in brilliant golden rays, and the wind was windy (as wind is) and just perfect for a November day. Nico was hopeful today; maybe they’d go out to New York City, like old times. Try to get Will’s mind off his doomed fate.

Nico had an inkling something was wrong the moment he knocked on the cabin door. Maybe it was the shift in the wind, maybe it was anxiety, or maybe it was the fact that he heard people shouting, “PUT THAT METAL STRAW DOWN, WILL!” that made him nervous. Nevertheless, he waited outside. 

Kayla was the one to open the door. She looked exhausted, like she’d been running after someone all morning. When she realized it was Nico, her expression told Nico everything he needed to know. 

Nico stepped in tentatively, nervous about what he would find. 

And boy did he have every right to be nervous. Nothing could prepare him for what he was about to find.

Will had transformed. Like, completely transformed.

Gone were his golden curls. In place of them was a messy bun at the top of his head, wrapped with a purple scrunchie. If one scrunchie wasn’t enough, he had literal sleeves of them over his arms, all the way up to his elbow, of all kinds of nauseating and headache-inducing colors. On top of that, a knee-length T-shirt covered him from the shoulders to his thighs, and in his small baby hands was a Hydro Flask with a metal straw sticking out of it, which was currently sticking between his teeth.

Upon seeing Nico, his eyes widened and he offered him a bright smile. “Sksksksk!” Will exclaimed. “Oh my gods, it’s literally Nico!” He rushed towards his boyfriend with his arms wide, and just when Nico thought he was about to get a crushing bear hug, Will surprised him last minute by shoving twenty scrunchies into his hands as well as a metal straw. 

Nico looked at the treasure in his hands - Where the everloving fuck did he get so many? thought Nico - then back at Will, and again back at his treasure. Tears pricked at his eyes and his chest constricted, making it harder to breathe. “Will-” he began.

Will looked genuinely confused. “Who’s Will? I’m Billiam Sksksolace. And that’s the tea here today.”

“Right. Billiam.” Even saying the new name hurt him in ways Nico didn’t even think were imaginable. He placed a hand on Will’s - No, Bill’s, Nico reminded himself - cheek, tracing his lover’s freckles. “How are you feeling?”

“Anna oop-” Billiam said. “I feel fine, sksksk. Why?” He raised his eyebrows and leaned in, tilting his head for a second. “Is there tea?” 

Nico sobbed, his heart wrenching. Where was Will? “No, not at all.” He kissed Bill’s face. “Not at all.”

20 YEARS LATER…

Nico had successfully gone crazy.

He and Billiam had three kids. Each one blond. Each one young.

Each one just as VSCO as their dad. 

It was an endless cycle of “SKSKSKS” and “ANNA OOP-” and they had about fifty thousand metal straws strewn around their house. Their kids didn’t even wear pants anymore, just oversized T-shirts. They didn’t even have the demon - it was a Monkey See, Monkey Do situation. 

And Nico was done. He’d even developed a twitch in his eye. From the moment he got up in the morning to the moment he fell asleep at night, his mind swirled with unwanted expressions and metal straws in his eyes and Hydro Flasks on the table and oversized T-shirts strewn across the bed and he was positively done.

There was only one thing left to do. 

Nico grabbed the knife from the kitchen drawer. Then he turned to the onions on the cutting board and started chopping with rage. (It was his turn to make dinner tonight, and he hated every moment of it.)

But he had something to look forward to, and he had everything ready. 

Bill was home from work now, sitting in the living room and scrolling through Instagram. Nico watched him, thinking about that fatal day several years ago at Camp Half-Blood when everything had gone wrong for him. 

Well, Nico would fix that today.

“Bill,” Nico called, gritting his teeth. Calling his beloved William “Bill” still stung him, despite it having been years later. “It’s time for dinner. Call the kids.”

Bill stood from the couch and fixed his messy bun, then called, “Billiam, Jr.! Litpollo! Percy, Jr.! Time for dinner! Sksksk.” 

Nico made his way down the hall and opened the garage door, crying out to his pet hyena: “BAMBI! Come on, boy. Time for your yummy chinken dinner.”

Bambi growled and bounded into the building, turning towards the kids that had now come into the dining room. Bill eyed the oversized cat with scrutiny. “Bae, I think we need to tame that thing.”

Nico turned his head to look at his hyena. He shrugged. “Seems fine to me.”

“He’s gnawing on our child’s head.”

Nico eyed his kitty, who had its jaws around their child Litpollo’s head. “No he isn't,” Nico decided. “It’s just licking Litpollo's head. Litpollo just has a really tiny head.” 

Bill opened his mouth to protest, but Nico clapped his hands and exclaimed: “Time for dinner!” He offered Bill a dazzling smile. “And I have a surprise for you.”

Bill’s eyes widened and a smile of his own flashed across his face. “Sksksk. I’m excited. Yass queen.”

Nico’s eye twitched. “Yes, time for dinner.”

The family of five (including Bambi the Hyena, it was six) sat at the dinner table. (Yes, Bambi sat at a dinner table. Nico considered that quite domestic of Bambi). 

“Now, before we start, I have a little something for Bill.” Nico stood again and pulled out something from his pocket. Bill leaned in to look at it, and realization dawned on him. He hissed and jumped up from his chair. 

“Skskskskskkssksksksk!” he exclaimed. “That’s a cross. Why do you have that?” Just being in the presence of it seemed to make him antsy.

Nico offered him a dangerous smile. “Well, you see, Billiam, I became a priest online. I have a certificate and everything.” He tilted his head innocently and, with that smile still plastered onto his face, said, “I am here to eradicate the Demon of VSCO.” 

“No,” Bill said shakily, but his voice had changed. It was rougher, scratchier, a voice he wouldn’t have on any other normal day. “No, you can’t. You’ve been going behind my back this entire time? How dare you.” 

“I’m here to save you, Bill. Or should I say… William.”

“NO!” Bill screeched, picking up Litpollo and shielding his face with the child. “I REFUSE! SKSKSK!”

Nico only smiled wider, his dark eyes shining with fearsome mirth. Suddenly, the lights flickered on and off and a harsh wind blew across the room. Outside, clouds started gathering like they were ready for a shitshow to happen. Nico rose from the floor, the wind carrying his weight like he was lighter than paper. He held out the cross in front of him, showing it to Bill’s VSCO demon. Bill hissed, and his eyes starting glowing bright yellow, clearly aggravated by the cross. He dropped the child, who squeaked and ran off to eat his dry chinken dinner.

Nico’s own eyes had started glowing, but his were a bright red flash like he was about to shoot lasers. “BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME,” Nico exclaimed, his voice projecting outward and all around the house, “I PRONOUNCE THEE, VSCO DEMON, GONE.”

Nico slammed the cross against Bill’s chest, making steam circle and sizzle around Bill’s chest. The blond cried out in pain, but Nico ignored him. 

“BEGONE, THOT!” Nico thundered.

A big bang resonated between them, and Nico and Bill were both thrown across the room. Their children screamed, but all Nico could think about was Bill and whether or not he was back. Despite being disoriented, he sat upright and looked across the room. Billiam was thrown to the kitchen, and his messy bun had come undone. The scrunchies on his wrists were hissing and smoking, but otherwise he looked fine. 

Nico stood up slowly, keeping his hand on the wall for balance. “Will?” he said quietly. It was strange using that name after so many years, but it felt good. It felt comfortable.

Bill didn’t answer. Nico’s heart started racing.

He rushed to Bill’s side, checking his pulse and touching his face, making sure was alive. When he decided that he was alright, Nico let out a breath of relief. He shook Bill gently. “Will? Will, please, wake up. Tell me you’re okay.”

For a moment, all was silent. Nico’s children had even stopped screaming, but Nico wasn’t sure where they were or what they were doing. Right now, it was only about Billiam. 

Suddenly, Bill started coughing. He sat up a little straighter and coughed into his arm, and Nico patted is back in means of helping his partner. Bill stopped after a few moments, but his focus was only on the kitchen tiles.

Nico’s heart pounded in anticipation. Was Billiam gone? Was Will back? Goosebumps prickled his skin. 

“Will?” Nico asked. “Are you okay?”

Bill started laughing. Nico wanted to take this as a good sign, but the laughter seemed eerie. He took Bill’s baby hand in his.

Bill turned to face him, a wide grin on his face. “YOU FOOL!” he exclaimed. “YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID?”

Nico gasped and threw himself away from Bill, shaking his head. “No,” he whispered. “No. It should have worked! I went onto Wikipedia for the instructions!”

Bill only laughed harder. “YOU DIPSHIT! YOU MULTIPLIED ME!” His eyes danced with his laughter.

“Multiplied?” Nico exclaimed. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” He frowned. “Also, no swearing in front of the kids. Watch your fucking language, asshole.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Bill exclaimed. “MY CHILDREN,” he called, turning his face away from Nico’s. “COME!”

From the dining room, the children’s small feet pitter-pattered across the floor. Rage filled Nico’s chest, and he tackled Bill to the ground. “VSCO DEMON!” he cried. “What did you do to them? If you hurt them-”

“I did no such thing,” Bill said. “I would never hurt them.”

“Then what did you do?”

In creepy unison, all his kids exclaimed: “SKSKSK! I’VE GIVEN THEM ALL A PIECE OF ME! NOW I EXIST IN ALL OF YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES!”

“NOOOOO!” Nico cried. “WHY?”

“Children,” Bill said, “what do we say to Nico?”

“SAVE THE TURTLES!” And they all took off their oversized T-shirts and threw them in his face.

The end. Nico sobbed forever.

#Bilco revolution #bill solace revolution #bill solace #nico di angelo #bilco #AHHAHAHA IM LITERALLY SCREAMING

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [So, the night before this friendmas, which is probably the next day from the nativity moment, like this is the first day of the holiday vibe] Janis: We're still on for their friendmas bullshit? Jimmy: can't 😭 off Janis: It's still worth it Janis: for the amount of damage that can be done in one sitting Jimmy: it were my 🥇💡 don't need telling Janis: Checking you were still up for it Janis: and we have to make the food to bring Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Helpful as that is, what do you want to make and where do you want to make it? Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: my grandparents Jimmy: nearer yours or mine? Janis: yours Janis: mine is near nothing Jimmy: come here then Janis: alright Janis: just trying to think of ways to sneak calories into shit without pouring butter onto a salad Jimmy: look up thanksgiving recipes, they're known for that bollocks Janis: okay Janis: and you'll be...? Jimmy: cleaning my kitchen, that alright with you? Janis: Fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: My sister thinks Mia might invite her boyfriend Jimmy: 💰 on him not showing up Janis: What I said Janis: in case he does though Janis: she was useless with any other info Jimmy: 💔 her and this group chat Jimmy: not actually that bothered what Asia might wear Janis: 🙄 Janis: how much freedom is there with a fucking jumper Janis: she said they don't eat fuck all sustaining but no shit there, hence the plan Jimmy: [sends her a pic I saw of a real jumper that has the tit cut out and like a red reindeer nose over the person's nip or something I can't remember] Janis: Oh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: distract from the teeth but nah Jimmy: Dunno who's got her for the 🎁 giving but 🤞 for invisalign Janis: budget kit that ain't dentist-approved I saw on insta Janis: 🤞 it'll fuck her up harder Jimmy: all teeth to no teeth Janis: fit in with 💀👑 and 💀#2 Jimmy: mash 🥔 or 🍠 it is Janis: 🍠 is too vom-inducing as is Janis: hide 💊s in it like 👶🐶 Jimmy: is that marshmallow thing bollocks or what? Janis: nah, that's legit Janis: we could do that Janis: cultural Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: you can cover everyone's plates in gravy Janis: not a euphemism Janis: #northern Jimmy: I'd have a job if you were expecting the euphemism Janis: you're alright Janis: amusing, but suspicious when I'm not touching my plate Jimmy: very trusting of you to crack on with any of it as is Janis: I doubt they're wasting laxatives on me Janis: skinny enough Janis: it'll just be gross Jimmy: weren't where my 🧠 went but alright Janis: ? Janis: oh, very Agatha Christie Janis: not gonna kill themselves to kill me, I'll watch the plates and serving up Jimmy: nowt rich lasses won't monogram, theirs'll be safe and sound Janis: what about yours? Janis: you might get roofied Jimmy: take my chances downing the gravy, too northern for owt else, you said it Janis: that'll be nice Jimmy: 😍 obvs Janis: I meant for me when I inevitably have to 💋 you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: it's at #2s Janis: odds on a 👑 shrine somewhere? Jimmy: near her 🛏 Janis: under it when she's about Janis: in it when she ain't 💔 Jimmy: we don't have to sleep there in a bit, do we? Janis: oh bollocks Janis: I'm sure we can get out of it, as we technically were not invited Janis: pretty sure they do a sleepover too though Janis: any excuse Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I know Jimmy: I'm going down the shop, what bollocks do we need? Janis: [a list I'm not committing you to but we know the vibe] Janis: I've already got [shit we're stealing soz mcvickers] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: if you get here before I'm back, my sister'll let you in Janis: did she come to the nativity with yous? Jimmy: dragged kicking and marding, weren't that what I said? Janis: right Janis: apologies for doubting you Jimmy: tah Janis: what about the kid? Jimmy: what about him? Janis: where'd he end up on the scale Jimmy: we don't have a scale for him Janis: 😭 to 😁 Jimmy: near ☹️ Janis: no tears, at least Jimmy: can sign what we like without being those dickheads shouting out 🦻 perks Janis: that is useful Jimmy: and the 🐕's got somewhere new to sleep an' all Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: totally worth the money we didn't spend then Janis: can have these jumpers too after Jimmy: ain't yours itchy? Janis: feels like I'm wearing a barbershop floor Janis: but I didn't reckon your dog would be that fussy Jimmy: meant to be your specialist subject Janis: like ☕ is yours? Janis: not my passion, it's easy money Jimmy: there ain't much to know about ☕ don't need passion Janis: 🤫 Janis: you 💘 every bean Jimmy: it's only 💕 for your sister and her mates Janis: anything but getting a personality Janis: I know Jimmy: gotta put something in their bio Janis: 'IM AN EMPTY VESSEL' comes off desperate, even on tinder Jimmy: as 🤰 pact's go Janis: don't even Jimmy: very festive Janis: messiahs aren't being popped out 5 at a time Jimmy: they'd never be satisfied with 3 🎁s any road Jimmy: full baby shower or nowt Janis: yeah Janis: no doubt Grace will be torturing me with as much any time soon Jimmy: 🍾🍾🍾 Janis: 🔨🔨🔨 Jimmy: 👶👶👶👶👶 Janis: have to smash the poor bastards and all Janis: not worth thinking about Jimmy: ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ Janis: yeah funerals are much better craic Janis: have as many of them as she likes Jimmy: matching the shades of black'll do her head in Janis: 🤞 Janis: the breakdown will give her a personality Janis: got there in the end, babes Jimmy: @ me Jimmy: be on the edge of my seat waiting to find out Janis: if your details don't get lost when you change back to your real identity Jimmy: 💔 I can't be @ing you on the off chance, be coming off as desperate an' all, me Janis: doubt she'll be so bombastic herself she'll turn down a DM request Janis: have a go, like Janis: dare to 💭 Jimmy: just pop in using my 👻 form, can't I? Jimmy: keep it between us Janis: my lips are sealed Janis: how you use your afterlife is your business Jimmy: got nowt else on Janis: optimistic Janis: you might be moving to 🥳 central Jimmy: Go on, where's that? Janis: Ian in the know, not me Jimmy: dare to 💭 Janet Janis: I don't care where I end up Janis: just not here is fine Jimmy: weren't talking about you, big head Janis: Not too fussed where you end up either Janis: not gonna lie Jimmy: What did you bring it up for then? Janis: You're moving Janis: you said Jimmy: and? Jimmy: 🥳 central were what you said, not me Janis: I don't know what you're getting at Jimmy: if you're not bothered, what are you getting at? Jimmy: no need to 🗨 bollocks were something else you said Janis: I was just messing about, both statements Janis: I didn't know everything I 🗨 had to be deadly serious Jimmy: I didn't know there were 1 rule for you and another for me Janis: it's a bit different from you calling me a slag but fine Janis: you've made your point Jimmy: nah, the point were that I were never calling you a slag Janis: you were joking, okay Jimmy: but go on and take it to your ⚰ Janis: I'm trying to have a normal conversation with you right now and you're the one being moody Jimmy: you're the one who said we don't need to have a conversation Janis: well we clearly do when we have shit to do Jimmy: we've sorted the 🍽 Janis: right, so tell me to piss off then Jimmy: and have to piss about cooking on my own? You're alright Jimmy: nowt like the threat of a good time, that Janis: then what Jimmy: then come here Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [this won't be awkward at all] Janis: [the tension and the kids are home so that'll not be remotely getting dealt with] Jimmy: [cos I'm evil like that hahaha, we're gonna both be so extra at friendmas, love it] Janis: [it also makes sense like if school is out now where you gonna be hens, truly idk what you're gonna say though girl] Jimmy: [like you could've hooked up on the trampoline but you would probably freeze to death and also Twix wouldn't allow it soz lads] Janis: [not on my watch Twix says, at least you can focus on making this side dish the weirdest most calorific moment] Jimmy: [having fun in spite of yourselves as per] Janis: [I want you to apologize but also not but that is difficile hmm, probably later if you get vaguely tipsy at this event] Jimmy: [and get swept away by the emoshness of fake gifting] Janis: [we know there will be plenty of time for moments abound then] Jimmy: [you'll be bored rigid otherwise] Janis: [mhmm and this is far from over hunnies] Jimmy: [whatever you do don't let Twix eat that while you're shamelessly distracted acting like it's all nbd] Janis: [or the kids lmao lowkey gotta hide this monstrosity when you're done] Jimmy: [hide it when you go 🚬 boy because we're stressed by the fact that whenever we try to have fun rn we then remember she said it was a mistake] Janis: [oh this misunderstanding, 'cos we only said it 'cos we thought that's what he was saying basically, lordy, also hate being left in his house like excuse me do I go now or] Jimmy: [what a time to wish you weren't alive] Janis: [coming out 'cos fuck just waiting or leaving, 'is there anything else we need to do?'] Jimmy: [automatically passes her a  🚬 because that bitch] Janis: [takes it like true, can't hurt] Jimmy: ['what time's the last bus?' cos he's assuming she's going home and that she's probably missed it] Janis: [shakes head 'I'll stay at my grandparents, no need to go home now'] Jimmy: [a look around like alright where's that because the ankle is still a thing and we're still worried about it] Janis: [a genuine oh-you kinda smile 'cos honestly 'literally a couple of streets from here, actually] Jimmy: [nods like okay, we'll go when you're ready cos obvs he's walking her whether she likes it or not] Janis: ['don't need an early night for friendmas, do we' like excuse you, I might have plans] Jimmy: [shrugs 'bit of a ball ache to get the chains of the bed and bring 'em with'] Janis: [😏'you could have a night off'] Jimmy: [makes a point of putting her leg on him to rest and elevate that ankle like no I cannot] Janis: [just looks at it and sighs 'I can't not walk, there's shit to do'] Jimmy: [just looks at her and you know they haven't made eye contact this whole time SO THERE'S THAT 'I know it hurts' in a soft way] Janis: [we gotta look away 'cos byeeeeee, shrugging and mumbling like 'it was just a stupid accident, I'm fine'] Jimmy: [nudging her, not hard obvs like 1. look at me and 2. don't be shrugging at me rn and shaking his head 'a stupid accident that were my fault' like LET ME HELP YOU!!] Janis: [shaking her head for all the reasons and then blurting out 'I'm embarrassed!' then being even more so like ffs] Jimmy: [cupping her little face in his hands the gentlest EVER 'what for?' because she literally has nothing to be embarrassed about] Janis: [looking at him like where do I start lol 'cos this has been so fast and so messy, not to mention the fact you now wanna kiss him and that's one of the things you think you need to be embarrassed over 'I don't need help, that's not- I'm not used to that'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' spoken like it'll be true if he just says it soft and with enough feeling, but then obvs we gotta recover ourselves a bit because vulnerability who is she 'I only were offering to take all them dogs out for a piss for you, not a kidney' but we're still not giving it full pisstake in how we're saying that or being] Janis: [pushing him but gently too, because likewise trying to get back to this more pisstakey energy without going too hard too fast 'not my fault you're like top nurse without even trying then' 'cos you're doing and have done way more than that, we know boy] Jimmy: [lowkey 😳 but we're hiding it with 😏 and the wintery darkness as we nudge her back but turn it into a feelsy lean for a while then giving her his phone like put that dog walking schedule in there girl I mean it] Janis: ['I ain't gonna be able to take your CG shifts, like' and mimes murdering all the customers in various ways but we do lean back too, even if momentarily 'you could meet me for the ones you can and do the hard work, and I'll sit on the bench, yeah?' and puts hand out like deal?] Jimmy: [does a 💔 mime because we would love to see that murder spree but obvs shaking on that legit suggestion with a legit little smile cos we're chuffed she's actually accepting a hand in any way] Janis: ['I can do more hard work with the plan' like all the socials whilst I sit there honey and mimes taking creep shots of him] Jimmy: [OTT 😍 to hide the realness, then he remembers that speaking of, he obvs won't have done a doodle for her today so gesture for her to stay put while we run and get a pen and paper right now immediately but as we're going we turn back like oh! again 'do you want the bag  peas chucked back for a bit?'] Janis: [going to shake our head automatically but then checking ourself like oop 'might freeze to my skin out here, like' shrugs 'but go ahead'] Jimmy: [does bring a blanket with all the other shit because we just wanna be out here away from kids and dogs soz] Janis: [day #1 of this hol and we're done lmao, little kids do be feral when it's this close to xmas, even good ones like bobby] Jimmy: [yeah and don't even start me on how all the pressure for having a good christmas is on him because Ian isn't that bitch and Cass is highkey hoping their mum will appear even though they've moved and that ain't happening babe soz] Janis: [mHMM thank god Ian is a buy your love type so he will get them presents, it's just the rest] Jimmy: [what are you doodling today boy, obvs some kind of domestic af cooking moment but no #spoilers gals] Janis: [just get snuggled in these blankets and make sure he is too] Jimmy: [can't and won't stop the happy sigh because we've been so stressed] Janis: [some joke about art being his 💘 but we're glad obvs] Jimmy: [🙄 but 😏] Janis: [tryna peep at what he is drawing though, obvs x2] Jimmy: [will playfully get you with this pen like oi] Janis: [offended like where's my pen 'play fair' accidentally saucy] Jimmy: [we know he'll give you that pen and just write on you/tickle you in his fave manner, drawing a 🏆 like we're playing to win not fairly hen] Janis: [just loling like get off 'cos ticklish af 'we're meant to be a team, dickhead' and draws her own 🏆 with 'worst sport' in the plaque thing] Jimmy: [draws the JJ 💘 really big and deliberate to really tickle and also make a point like okay] Janis: [a question mark when we've stopped squirming like do you really get it though, also a throwback] Jimmy: [a LOOK like do you] Janis: [just nods and gives the pen back like okay, finish your drawing] Jimmy: [does and again signs it like a big nerd before giving it to her] Janis: [we love it hun but we never know what to say 'tah for not giving away the poison plot in your art like an idiot' and putting it away to photo later in an indoor light moment] Jimmy: [a noise like not an amateur tah and going to make tea because 1.northern 2. it's cold 3. he doesn't know what to say/is awks about his art too] Janis: you're in the wrong profession Jimmy: ? Janis: 1. artiste 2. only old ladies order pots of tea, yeah? Jimmy: 1. why be starving when there's loads of 🍪🥐🥪🍰 going at the job I've got 2. bit sexist to the 👴 Janis: 1. 🐷 2. tell me they ain't always with their 👵 Jimmy: 1. Only 💕🐕's you, I get it 💔🦝🗑 2. sounds fake, so obvs I'll 🗨 it to you, mate Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: miss you an' all Janis: You could see me from there if you really wanted Jimmy: [peeps from the kitchen window like hey] Janis: [waving like oh hey you fool] Jimmy: [signs something feelsy because she won't understand it we're safe] Janis: [big ? in the air} Jimmy: [just loling like nope as we mime confusion like idk what you mean or want rn soz because we're taking that to our grave] Janis: [shouting 'bring me my fucking tea' manners and decorum] Jimmy: [does and a box of some kind of festive biscuit selection that the children have already got at so there's only shit ones left lowkey but still] Janis: ['you know how to treat a girl' when we're saying it like we're joking but not really lmao] Jimmy: [shove a biscuit in your mouth boy so you don't say anything you wish you hadn't and also because we're making a bants point like yeah so romantic me] Janis: [wipe the crumbs from his bottom lip like he did 'oi, I've had an idea' softer than that oi suggests, we're not shouting now lol] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her lips once she's touched his like is that your idea, focus please sir 'go on'] Janis: [failing to pretend we didn't notice that but still carry on tah 'well #2 and every fucker on her street is gonna have excessive lights and decorations about, what do you reckon to shrinking their energy bill? if we go out when they're asleep, they'll not notice, and we could get back here and do your house before your brother and sister wake up' like how magical even you will love it don't lie cass] Jimmy: [when you can't help genuinely grinning because that's such a good idea we're falling in love rn okay like he's gonna have felt so bad about not having the time, money or energy to decorate, gotta recover ourselves again quick so does an IRL 🤞 'all her pink glittery baubles'll really get Ian in the christmas spirit' but really we're not thinking about him and it'll look epic Janis: [grin back 'cos it's infectious ''cos no way am I sleeping in a room with that lot in' and shrug like, we may as well, as if you remotely had to suggest anything of the sort] Jimmy: ['give us nightmares if all them calories don't' never miss a opportunity to shade the flatwhites honey] Janis: ['I can protect you from them, but not the calories, I'm so sorry' 😏] Jimmy: [eats another biscuit like I reckon I'll live] Janis: [an impression of a Mia shade face like you fat bitch] Jimmy: [an impression of Ella being 😭💔 DEVASTATED] Janis: [snatching the tin like no more for you, and getting one all smug like delicious] Jimmy: [OTT Jimothy pout because always] Janis: [flippant 'deal with it, babes' 'cos mustn't linger LOOKING at him again] Jimmy: [cringing in a way that is OTT but not that fake because she's too good at these impressions and chucking the blanket over her head like begone] Janis: [had enough years of this hoe being present to be an expert, just pulling the blanket down and around our shoulders like ha ha more for me, but gesturing that he should move closer and get under to keep warm too] Jimmy: [does because any excuse to snuggle and likewise play with her hair like it's so in my way rn lemme just] Janis: [hence I got you the present I did honey heheheh, know we're likewise here for this] Jimmy: [just having a moment ™] Janis: [one of the kids should need you or Twix should start wildin' soz boys] Jimmy: [yeah realistically it could be time for Bobby to go to bed depending what time she came over/he could have woken up] Janis: [either way honey, you better skeddale so he can sort this] Jimmy: [we know you're both fuming but especially him because he was gonna carry you to mcvickers gaff] Janis: [soz boy, you can be the most tomorrow though] Jimmy: [we both know he will LOL] Jimmy: [also gonna say he opens up at the CG because putting in a quick shift and doing any dog walking he can for the bae all before this friendmas has even started is just the difference between him and the gals, with the exception of Grace] Janis: [wig tea sis] Jimmy: [tired before you even get there] Janis: [we are that sick of y'all so it's a mood, frankly, but for now] Janis: night Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you better be hopping back, dickhead Janis: [video of her hopping like don't fall] Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 you Jimmy: 🦩 goals if nowt else Janis: 🤔 not not a compliment Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the first bit were Janis: True Janis: pretend I didn't see the rest Jimmy: 🙈🙈🙈 Janis: I've learnt my lesson with blindfolds, tah Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: and here's me with no chance to find out if sir's gonna be more receptive to my kinks Janis: find out if he's alright with broken bones Janis: gonna say unlikely, he flipped his shit over some cut ties Jimmy: @ something about virgin school girls Janis: mhmm Janis: he'd much rather injure you than the other way 'round Janis: it's alright, maybe tomorrow Janis: don't need to be blinded by the decor tbh Jimmy: should've got you a onesie to zip over your head, up for that challenge, massive though it is Janis: oh yeah, the gimp range Janis: 🙄 Janis: you have to pretend to be pleased to see my beautiful face, remember Jimmy: tah for the reminder, would've forgot and done full Home Alone 😱 Janis: yeah, you're about as annoying as that little fucker Janis: tracks Jimmy: rude Jimmy: you'd be chuffed if I had his house Janis: what for? Janis: so I could get you tenants and take the cash? Jimmy: 'cause what's fake mine is fake yours Jimmy: and you must have a bigger 🧠 in that MASSIVE head than the robbers he had to see off Janis: if I was worried about that, I'd let Mia make the moves she wants to Jimmy: so ominous, that Janis: 💋 not 💀 Jimmy: I'd rather 💀💀💀 Jimmy: but you crack on Janis: that's why I said IF I gave a fuck Jimmy: if as massive as her 😍 for her daddy, I get it Janis: thank god it's at Ella's Janis: wouldn't be getting away from hers unmolested Jimmy: can't move for mistletoe, I bet Janis: Baby, it's cold outside Janis: 😈 Jimmy: What IS in that drink? 😏 Janis: me checking yours tomorrow so they don't do my job for me Jimmy: Bill's 👻'll only let us have owt off each other's lips, it'll take fucking ages to 💀💀💀 Janis: you're just an actor on his stage and a player in his 🌍 Janis: have to suck it up and deal with the torture Jimmy: 👍 Janis: No enthusiasm needed 'til tomorrow Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: don't need an early night, you said Janis: your brother seemed like he did though Janis: not trying to get in the way of that top brother 🏆 Jimmy: 🍪 sugar crash did him before us Janis: fair Janis: feeling it and all Janis: still buzzing though Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 😵 🥴 🤢 🤮 scale Janis: I'm solidly 🥴 Jimmy: lightweight Janis: I don't work in a cafe Jimmy: and what? Janis: 🍪🥐🥪🍰 Jimmy: never pull your weight, you Janis: just 'cos you eat yours in baked goods Janis: one of us has to be 💪 Jimmy: hang on, who's been carrying who? Janis: I would carry you Janis: you monopolized it by crippling me Jimmy: convenient excuse that Janis: okay, you aren't 💀👑 daddy don't try it Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: rudest bollocks you've ever said to me Jimmy: how dare you TBH Janis: come back when you've got your law degree and fathered a demon Janis: then we'll talk Jimmy: I'll chuck 'em both at your window, Juliet 📜👶 Janis: 😍 Janis: just don't break it Janis: my window, that is Jimmy: any 👶 of mine's gonna be a right fat bastard, nowt I can do about that, soz Janis: soft landing Janis: all's well that ends well Jimmy: do what you like with the broken glass, so crafty, you Janis: depends if you're gonna come in Janis: obviously Jimmy: it's how it's written Janis: ? Jimmy: I get your attention, you give me it Jimmy: hang your head out or Bill will be fuming Janis: unfortunately there ain't no pool under my window Janis: but that's probably not an original feature of the play Janis: just an excuse to see Leo all bedraggled Jimmy: get him wet to do the same for all the lasses 👀🍿 Janis: poetic Jimmy: IKR Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: Shame it's not festive or I'd suggest it Jimmy: fucking hell, if they're gonna force us to watch Elf, sod the plan, I'll 💀💀💀 myself Jimmy: another poem for you Janis: 1. hot 2. I refuse, think it's gotta be illegal to force us to watch it, it's in the geneva convention, yeah? I'll ask daddy Jimmy: @ him Janis: @litigationandtitilation Jimmy: 😂 Janis: she helped him come up with it Jimmy: DUH, nowt they don't do together Janis: 💕 Janis: dead jealous Jimmy: me an' all Janis: we'll all get to bond over our daddy issues Janis: can't wait Jimmy: #realgoals Janis: obviously Janis: I ain't got them any gifts, have you? Jimmy: I'm working, I'll bring 'em a latte Jimmy: menu full of 🎄 bollocks they ain't bothered to work through yet Janis: how disappointing they'll literally be thrilled Janis: too 😍 to handle, you Jimmy: you gonna meet me there or what? Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably the most #goals if we arrive together Janis: and fuck knows how far they can see from her tower Janis: I could come to your work Janis: pick you and the lattes up 💪🏆 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👌 Janis: just lemme know when you're finishing up then Jimmy: I'll make you something that ain't poisoned Janis: that a threat? Jimmy: more #goals to call it a romantic gesture Janis: 'course Jimmy: get your head in the game, girl Janis: it is Janis: just working out if there's any ways we can fuck it up before even arriving Jimmy: what, like get 💀👑 hopes up and then piss on them even harder? Janis: yeah, like that Janis: or get all the rest on our side, somehow Janis: that'd fuck her off no end Jimmy: so go on, what would it take? Jimmy: other than 💀#2 there's no challenge in it Jimmy: piss easy it were to get Asia to invite us Janis: you're probably more of an expert than me then Janis: like, we've got to make it actually a decent time, the kinda party they wanna have Janis: instead of what 📸s well Janis: and what Mia allows Janis: but we can't just fully steamroll in and be blatant about it Janis: or 💀👑 & 💀#2 would pull ranks Jimmy: what kind of party do they wanna have? Janis: they never look like they're having fun Janis: they're dead in the eyes Janis: even if it ain't my exact idea of, sure we can come up with better, right? Jimmy: easy when we put our massive heads together Janis: Asia is the easiest, we could basically ask her and she'd tell us without clocking Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: Grace were #livingherbestlife when she punched you with a beauty blender, I'll let her 💄💅 me if it pushes 💀👑 off the scale Janis: I'm sure that's just pent-up anger issues Janis: but maybe you've messed up her order one too many times 🔪🔪 Jimmy: deliberately Jimmy: my only joy, that Janis: 😂 Janis: might have a tiny bit of respect for you now Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: pretend to be her boyfriend for a change and you can do one of those tag videos Jimmy: you're alright, my CV'll survive without that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: fair Janis: don't need the rumours Jimmy: if she wants footage, WE'LL get her some, as a team, dickhead Janis: she will be 📽 Janis: so alright Jimmy: always ready for a close up, me Jimmy: and you do alright keeping up an' all Janis: wait 'til I ain't hopping, like Jimmy: that's her, what does the big one want? Janis: you haven't 👀 her about doing this weird dances? Jimmy: steady on, she WEREN'T having seizures? Janis: yeah, I know Janis: it's shocking Jimmy: you'll fuck your other ankle, I ain't having that Janis: you volunteer then? Jimmy: there's gotta be something else they do on that app Janis: are you interested in miming the lyrics to a shitty dance song? Jimmy: POV: your 👻 fake boyfriend Janis: you can go for that oscar Janis: I hope she doesn't try to be funny, or if she does, then I need to watch all her content rn Janis: welcome for the view Jimmy: might win 💀👑 over with the one where I play her dad Janis: 💀💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: or better yet 💀#2 when I have a go at 💀👑 Janis: the plan isn't you seduce everyone Janis: friends not 💦💦 boy Jimmy: it's a fucked plan then Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you're that insatiable or irresistible? Jimmy: I'll be that itchy Jimmy: jumper's coming off any road Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: I'll bring it tomorrow, babe Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: put your tits away Janis: honestly Jimmy: SO jealous, you Janis: Ha Janis: SO original, you Jimmy: your tits can have 🥈 Joanne, nowt wrong with them or that Janis: Piss off Janis: 💀👑 tell you it don't count if it's just fat Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMFG! 😱😱😱 Jimmy: should've said you wanted to get her hopes up with a fake breakup Janis: would be well triggering, no doubt Janis: only talk to argue, her lot, you can tell Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: gonna have to 💀💀💀 myself now Jimmy: been nice fake knowing you, my dear Janis: oh no you don't Janis: not being a fake widow Janis: can't pretend to be that 💔💔💔 for the rest of my life Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: can't have owt in common with that lot for a day in my life, tah Janis: I'll feel sorry for you when you're fucking twins with one of them Jimmy: So you want my pity? Don't sound like you but alright Janis: nah, just won't be giving you no 🤗 and 😘 Jimmy: What then? What's my 🎁? Janis: 🕞👀 Jimmy: Come on, I'll fake the surprise Janis: don't get too excited Janis: I haven't nicked you no 💎 Jimmy: bit rude but that's probably my fault for not sitting on your lap and telling you what I want Janis: not too late Janis: see what her ma has lying about Janis: but yeah, if you'd have been more prepared, maybe I woulda been too Jimmy: just the odd 💍👑💼💰 or 🐴 nbd Janis: you're demanding now but you've missed your chance Janis: gutted Jimmy: not too late, you said Janis: you might get A 💎 Janis: can't do the full list now Jimmy: [pouty face 🥺 selfie, we're coming for your life Savannah, soz] Janis: what's in it for me if you ain't gonna sit on my lap? 🎅 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Janis: 🔊 is cheap Janis: 🐴 are expensive Jimmy: what were it you said, tomorrow, babe Jimmy: giving someone a bell to install a pool or a balcony as I 🗨'd expensive an' all Janis: I've got patience to 🕞👀 Jimmy: good Jimmy: we're just that starcrossed, girl, nowt to be done about it Janis: or lots to do Janis: depending on your point of view Jimmy: lots of 🕞👀 'cause that's your #kink Janis: must be Jimmy: and mine's doing owt for you 💕 Janis: what more could I ask for Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: ? Janis: ? Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: You can surprise me Jimmy: alright Janis: is it? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: alright, alright Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: it'll be good Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: [picture to prove you are at mcvickers] Jimmy: [a picture back of Bobby and Twix snoozing all over you] Janis: looks cozy Jimmy: *uncomfortable Jimmy: speaking of, I'll bring you the 👑 back tomorrow, you can chuck it on instead of a cracker hat Janis: Bless Janis: 🤞 there's no one sleeping in my bed Janis: 💡💡 Jimmy: 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: sounds like a party in theory Jimmy: 🔑's [wherever there is a key hidden] if you need to come back Janis: be even weirder for your poor brother if I got in his whilst you're all 🥳 Jimmy: not like he'll hear you come in Jimmy: you or the 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: don't tell him that as his next bedtime story Janis: should be good though, but cheers Jimmy: 👍 Janis: though it's tempting as it's the furthest you've wanted to let me walk in ages Jimmy: want's pushing it Jimmy: but I've seen your top 🦩 impression now Janis: I get it Janis: you wanna see it more Janis: well attractive Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: 🎪🤹🤡 you Jimmy: dead chuffed to see your trapeze next Janis: suppose freak can be a compliment Janis: in the right context Jimmy: [puts it in the right context for a pisstakey 🔥 sext] Janis: yeah Janis: like that Janis: 🥇 asshole Jimmy: 🥉 more like Janis: why's that Jimmy: a 🥇 dickhead ain't that easy to ✔ off as a dickhead Janis: you wanted 😳 Janis: it's not not happening but I don't need to admit it Jimmy: if I wanted 😳 I'd get it Jimmy: with no need for you to admit owt Janis: alright then Janis: take your 🥉 Jimmy: you're alright Janis: time for bed then, dickhead Jimmy: as a piss off goes, I've heard worse Janis: I've done better Janis: but it must be the sugar crash Jimmy: I can do better with compliments an' all Janis: so you say Jimmy: and 🖋 Janis: I'm not doubting your fake boyf ability Jimmy: that weren't what I said Janis: or your 🎨 Jimmy: weren't bringing that up either Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: it's mutual Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you heard, I can do better, nowt to be 🤯 or do a 🥁 for Janis: You can't tell me what to do or not to do either way Jimmy: that ain't what I'm trying to do Janis: that's good then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I know you have a dog and a kid kicking you right now Janis: but you really need the beauty sleep Jimmy: rude Janis: you're ruder Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you're just Janis: I don't know Janis: but worse than me Janis: sure of that Jimmy: I were just trying to be less of a twat right then Janis: 😂 Janis: you just confuse me Janis: you aren't like 😡 🤬 rude right now Jimmy: it ain't my fault you can't take a compliment or apology attempt, dickhead Janis: I tried to take a compliment and you said it barely was one Janis: that's what I mean Janis: you're just weird and it's SO rude that you're letting Mia be right, tbh Jimmy: 'cause it weren't Jimmy: a pisstake's a pisstake, a compliment's a compliment Janis: then where have you tried to say sorry or anything not a pisstake Jimmy: what the fuck else does I can do better mean? Janis: Alright, God Janis: don't act like I'm thick Janis: you ain't speaking English Jimmy: bit racist Jimmy: this ain't even a voice memo Janis: yeah, you're well oppressed Jimmy: tah for recognising it, mate Janis: annoying, that's the word I was looking for Jimmy: funny'll do for you, oh hang on, nah Jimmy: meant to go the other way there Janis: yeah the sign of a proper jokes person is cracking yourself up Janis: 👌 babes Jimmy: piss off to bed, babes Janis: don't be jealous of all the space I've got Janis: gonna proper stretch out Jimmy: like I said, well unfunny you Janis: you can't escape when he's proper asleep? Jimmy: to where? Janis: your bed? Janis: his, if that is where you are Jimmy: his is a little kid bed, not stretching out in there Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: You poor thing Janis: bunk bed sharing would almost be preferable Jimmy: yeah Janis: at least your brother don't vape Jimmy: #ultimatesilverlining Janis: ☀ Jimmy: tah Jimmy: proper cheered now Janis: have only got a single here Janis: not living that luxurious Jimmy: and a 🐻 bear either side, you'll be fucked when the 3rd one comes through after having a piss Janis: better off taking my chances in the park? Janis: still time for that as well Jimmy: never nursed a dickhead with hypothermia before, decent way to pad out my CV Janis: 😒 Janis: yeah, go on Janis: just a neverending case study, me Jimmy: 🥇 muse in every way Janis: real or pisstake Jimmy: reckon I'd be able to 👀 you from here, could be a real inspiration Janis: you probably could anyway, nearly Janis: live pretty close but not giving any more away Janis: gotta keep the privacy and mystery, like Jimmy: brb gotta start a new 📷 IG Jimmy: @longlens Janis: 😂 Janis: if I've got a stalker I'm definitely 🥇 Janis: #madeit Jimmy: you do now Jimmy: 👋👀 Janis: get in Janis: mum'll be so proud Jimmy: got nowt else to do but crack on looking in windows til I find yours, mine'll chuffed to bits an' all Janis: Bill's 👻 will be Janis: unless you get distracted by some other random, then he'll be raging Jimmy: it's his script, I'd just be sticking to it Janis: that's going off script Janis: the other girl is before Janis: don't just get the wrong balcony and change your mind Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: it's Bill's 👻 not me Janis: he don't like improv Jimmy: harder to please than Lucas, him Janis: I'm doing alright 😇 Jimmy: he reckons your tits are 🥇 no accounting for taste Janis: nothing wrong with 🥈 Jimmy: when it's around your neck Janis: the view helps, yeah Janis: #toptits Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not your fault I'm exactly his type Janis: don't feel bad Jimmy: we can both wear the white 👰 but it don't make us exactly his type Jimmy: he'd be the one to call you a slag Janis: you have defiled me Janis: told you that's why he's so pissed off Jimmy: you gonna take an apology for that then? Janis: be a bit weird if you apologized Janis: was the plan Janis: just unfortunate collateral, him Jimmy: it weren't actually Janis: 'course it was Janis: nothing #goals about celibacy Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: was just a joke Janis: I don't need an apology Jimmy: don't you? Janis: no Janis: why do you think I do? Jimmy: why have I got it in your own words loads of times that you reckon it shouldn't have happened if you don't? Janis: No, I only meant it like Janis: it's made things awkward now, is why we shouldn't have Janis: not in a, I didn't want to at the time way Janis: it's not like you did anything wrong Jimmy: and what, it weren't awkward for you before? Janis: What, like I've got loads of past experience with how to navigate a fake dating scenario? Jimmy: exactly my point Jimmy: it were weird as soon as I suggested it Janis: granted Janis: it's just weirder now you don't want to but we still have to fake shit Janis: if we'd not gone there, that wouldn't factor into the overall headfuckery Jimmy: I don't want to what? Janis: not fake it Janis: sometimes, like Jimmy: we've not talked about what I do or don't want Jimmy: so that's bollocks for a start Janis: it ain't Janis: I can read a room Jimmy: so can I, don't be putting it all on me like I fucked it Janis: I weren't but you clearly are so cheers for that Jimmy: you said me, I ain't speaking for you Janis: I haven't said you've fucked anything up Jimmy: I've made it weirder is what you said Janis: no, it IS weirder Janis: 'cos of decisions we both made Jimmy: that's a cop out Jimmy: I can also read between the lines and that's you reckoning the decisions you're making now are right and mine are bollocks Janis: all I'm trying to do is not be a massive twat here Janis: it's not right or wrong Janis: I can't help if I still wanna but I'm not gonna whinge about it like some nice guy or something as lame Jimmy: nicely done then Janis: fine Janis: fuck this Jimmy: I don't get what your problem is Janis: what do you mean? Janis: how do you not get that I'm accepting what you want and dealing with it and you're just taking the piss Jimmy: I've never said I want that Janis: What? Jimmy: when or where have I? Janis: that you don't want me to just do what I want and not give a fuck about what you do? Janis: it's just a given that I won't be a total cunt like that, surely Jimmy: you heard me, you don't know what I want Jimmy: dunno why it's a given that you'd just guess Janis: then tell me Janis: why am I guessing Jimmy: you've got some bollocks 💭 in your head that's nowt to do with me or what I've 🗨 Jimmy: that'll be why Janis: tell me Jimmy: It didn't feel like a mistake to me Janis: that's the opposite of what I thought you thought Janis: alright Jimmy: you were being a massive twat, keep up, we've done that bit Janis: no, great Janis: actually got to go bludgeon myself with a big rock now Jimmy: don't Jimmy: it's a job to talk to you when you ain't brain damaged Janis: I'm serious Janis: and I'm sorry Janis: jesus fucking christ Jimmy: me an' all, dunno if it's safe for you to go to this friendmas 'cause you obvs CAN'T read a room, sweetheart Jimmy: could be deadly serious, that Janis: I know I deserve it but please shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: why haven't you done anything about it then Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: if you can read a room, allegedly Janis: works both ways right Jimmy: you said it shouldn't have happened, how else would you like me to read into that? Jimmy: a mistake is what I heard Janis: I said that when you called me a slag Jimmy: but I didn't Jimmy: and what works both ways an' all is that you haven't done owt since then either Janis: yeah, because from my point of view, you called me easy, I made you apologize for it and then you ain't come near me since Janis: I'm not killing myself for no reason Janis: you've never said bullshit when you're fuming? Jimmy: I ain't the baby Jesus Jimmy: 'course I have Jimmy: and will do again, might be to you Janis: There you go then Janis: I said it was a mistake 'cos it sounded like you reckoned as much Janis: we may as well be on the same page Janis: didn't want to be that twat but that worked out well Jimmy: it just Jimmy: touched a nerve, alright Janis: yeah Janis: alright Janis: clearly so did the easy thing so not gonna judge Jimmy: our lives are headfucks, that's why we need this to make it easier Janis: that was meant to be the idea Janis: we just need to Janis: replan Janis: maybe? Jimmy: we just need to talk to each other Janis: easier said than done Janis: but yeah Janis: not wrong Jimmy: if I have to spell it out and stick my CAPS on, I can do Jimmy: I work in customer service, like Janis: that's lovely Janis: really wanna be compared to one of your customers Jimmy: hey, you know you're way too fit and mysterious Janis: barely at this point Janis: I've come across as a total fucking state Jimmy: Oi, we can do this ☀ girl Janis: I'm up for listening Janis: and I won't infer the rest, that much is a deal Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🩸🖋 Jimmy: We going to the park then or what? Janis: we don't have to speak when we get there, do we? Jimmy: bit rude you ain't gonna recite a sonnet to me, Jules, but I'll live Janis: maybe another night Janis: but I'm still pretty fucking mortified right now so you gotta promise Jimmy: we're doing alright if you're promising me another night Jimmy: and I'm clearly on fine form for giving you more accidental poetry so Janis: shame to waste it? Janis: I guess you can but don't expect me to because I'm better when I keep it shut Jimmy: you're Janis: don't finish that before I've had the chance to change your mind Jimmy: as promises go, I reckon I can keep that one Janis: and I can promise it'll be worth it Jimmy: go on Jimmy: before you stop saying owt to me Janis: I promise Janis: that you're gonna have even more to say about me and even less idea how to say it Jimmy: I Jimmy: there, you're managing to stop me going on already Janis: I don't mind when you go on Janis: just not what I want right now Jimmy: time and a place to be on script, I get it Janis: exactly Janis: and you've gotta be off the clock sometimes Jimmy: @ my manager in a bit Jimmy: just not right now Janis: not invited Jimmy: and you can't hop and @ Janis: don't challenge me Jimmy: nursing kink ain't gonna go away when your ankle stops being the size of your head Jimmy: gotta plan ahead Janis: you could just look after me Janis: I'll fake whatever injury you fancy Jimmy: how many oscars you after? Janis: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: get a hop on then Janis: Am Janis: not trying to get caught mid-hop though so 🤫 Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: you could just tell me where you are and have a hand, I ain't allowed to be the one who 💀💀💀 you Janis: I could Janis: was mainly arsed about getting caught in the gaff but still Janis: be quicker Janis: [location] Jimmy: if I get there and there ain't no nan or granddad I'll chuck you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: like I've made 'em up Janis: and I've broke into a house just to be close-by? Janis: I don't reckon I'm that dedicated Jimmy: dunno about that, all I know is I could spit and you'd be hopping on a wet foot Janis: 🤤 would've been more romantic, Romeo Jimmy: Oi, I deliberately didn't say piss to be more romantic Janis: erm, talk to me!!! 😤😤😤 Janis: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: alright fine, I'll piss on the side of the house you're squatting in, stop begging Janis: 😂 Janis: good luck Janis: it's freezing Jimmy: sounds like some weird ⛄ challenge, I'd better film it for Tammy's tiktok Janis: SO thoughtful, babe Janis: just giving her that clout for free Jimmy: just that kind of dickhead, me Janis: I'll @ you in my glowing review later Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [show up boy it's really not far] Jimmy: which window am I climbing up to with a 🌹 in my 🦷🦷 Janis: you mean, which bit of pavement am I gonna be scraping you off of when you slip to your 💀💀💀 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: your nan'll love the 💕 if you don't bother directing me Janis: I'll remember to pick up your 🦷🦷 and all Janis: [but flashing the light of the room you in like sup] Jimmy: wrap 'em up for Asia and it's job done on winning them all over Jimmy: [get your bae Jimothy] Janis: 💕🎁 Jimmy: [please don't actually die lol] Janis: [at least there is a genuine ladder up lmao, just don't wake the child or mcvickers] Jimmy: [now isn't the time for you to recite shakespeare, another time nerd] Janis: [you gotta be quiet, which is why we're not staying 'cos we know the vibe] Jimmy: [likewise why we're not going to his house either even though it's cold af] Janis: [soz about it but not, you're young and you'll be warm af soon enough] Jimmy: [gotta do what you gotta do lads and the park has those good mems and the graffiti you did so] Janis: [enjoy ladies] Jimmy: [until you have to go to work live your best life] Janis: [at least you have reconciled to totally boss this friendmas] Jimmy: [soz I ruined the tension but it would've been hard to concentrate on ruining Mia's life with that hanging over you] Janis: [we go with the flow honey] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to friendmas if you want unless you wanna have a CG work moment] Janis: [like you could but you probably shouldn't sleep out here again all night so yes, we could do a little CG moment] Jimmy: [gotta go there for the first time at some point, get that off menu smoothie and some food that's actually vaguely edible] Janis: [have cute moments, even though we know none of the flatwhites will be there] Jimmy: [we can post them to annoy Mia before we even get there because we all know Pablo isn't coming] Janis: [try one of calebs other kids hen, might be easier to use] Jimmy: [teach the bae how to do festive latte art they'll be jealous af and the manager is never there either] Janis: [do have some funny latte art pics, along with whatever we invariably actually bring yous] Jimmy: [#fated] Janis: [I kinda want you to go out and get them something pisstakey but I really cannot think what] Jimmy: [it would be funny, hmm what could we do?] Janis: [some kind of game/drinking game/or forbidden food vibe, actual fun Mia would not be happy about is the point] Jimmy: [things should totally get said during these games that they have for more blackmail potential to add to her cheating on the school trip] Jimmy: [I'm just debating whether Asia should have a bf who comes like we did at that sleepover that time or if we wanna save that for another time] Janis: [spill that tea ladies, we all know it don't take much for you to turn on each other so] Janis: [and I vote no, I think, plenty of opportunities to do that later though] Jimmy: [fair, Mia probably is hoping Asia'll seduce Jimothy so can't have a bf in the way] Janis: [and it's just BFF goals vibes, like you aren't allowed boys because they aren't important, soz Asia you hoe] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [can't let lads know how weird you all are] Jimmy: [the scolding tea] Janis: [pretending to be normal is for real xmas with your fams hens] Jimmy: [I don't need to be thinking about you gals at christmas thanks] Janis: [teenage xmas is the worst tbh] Jimmy: [agreed] Jimmy: [do you think there's any decorations they could steal out of the CG or are they too hipstery?] Janis: [I think we could probably get decent indoor ones from there, steal a lil tree moment] Jimmy: [do it while the flatwhites aren't there because Mia and Ella are snitches and he don't need to get fired this close to christmas] Janis: [do it at the start of your shift and hide it, who's noticing this close to xmas, no hoe except them so stay away] Jimmy: [we need this christmas cheer excuse us] Janis: [kids would do it anyway or they'd get broke, get a life gals] Jimmy: [we're trying to save christmas for Bobby here so bye] Janis: [it'll be magical and we're stealing your lights bitch bye] Jimmy: [Ella doesn't need them, not sorry] Janis: [also, not related but meet Pete too] Jimmy: [not in a way that makes him 😒 and jealous though we've only just reconciled] Janis: [my boo says give me my fluff] Jimmy: [defs gonna draw JJ and Twix tangled up in christmas lights for today's doodle once they've decorated so there's my fluff] Janis: [that's cute af get it boy] Janis: [we can go through lowkey and then stop whenever we wanna fully do something, so, should we be one of the first to get there or last what's the vibe] Jimmy: [I think first like it's just Mia and obvs Ella cos it's her house LOL there because they'd hate that and I said Grace was late, it makes sense Hollie would be too because she's even more done with them] Janis: [that's a mood, oh gals, how welcome are you gonna make them feel] Jimmy: [can't even do the gift exchange until everyone gets here, how awkward, good thing Jimothy will shamelessly request a house tour] Janis: [the casual side-eye you're gonna have to hold in, like lemme pretend to be so uninterested in your house which is undeniably big without coming off as salty] Jimmy: [he'll carry you through this gaff gal, nothing will annoy Ella and Mia more than when you're more into each other and being coupley af than the rich gal flexes in every room] Janis: [at least we can play up how bad the ankle is again, get me ice ho] Jimmy: [Ella never did get any sympathy she'll be fuming, play up that nursing conveniently like when you get to Ella's room like oops gotta just rest here for a bit soz] Janis: [just regaling how much he's looked after you like that bitch] Jimmy: [as he fusses over you, god bless, we're literally gonna do all we can to make Mia storm out and back downstairs haha] Janis: [ergo asking where Pablo is, like oh, thought he'd be here] Jimmy: [Jimothy is so amused he's gonna hide his face in the bae] Janis: [just lowkey ignoring her to be subtly all over him when she rants about the importance of gal time or whatever like mhmm interesting] Jimmy: [literally why wasn't he banned if that's true hun, hence he'll be even more unsubtly all over her until we're genuinely ignoring the gals] Janis: [we all know it's one rule for you and another for them but that didn't pan out lololol, awkward when you'd wanna watch for an uncomfortable amount of time Mia, make Asia show please so you can't] Jimmy: [go answer the door to her so they can have a moment but also snoop through Ella's shit thank you] Janis: [just like where it the shrine honey] Jimmy: [shame it's so far in the future that she wouldn't have a paper diary for them to find, unless like they used to have those kid ones and Ella kept hers because the golden age of this friendship obvs] Janis: [imagine how 1. gay it'd be 2. all the goss on them all, have a read of that lads] Jimmy: [take 📷 because you'll never know when you might need them] Janis: [get that relevant tea 'was her sister the donkey?' 'cos Asia is here and we remembering] Jimmy: [a little lol as we forlornly shake our head because she sadly was not and they missed a trick 'Mary' because why not 'makes sense why Joseph was having none of her' just calling a child ugly here nbd] Janis: [makes a face like she's so appalled like oh no 'your brother's year must be a real bunch of uggos' 'cos we're on the same wavelength here] Jimmy: ['not saying the director's onto something but as top casting for a homeless virgin who looks like she's had her head shut in a door goes..' trailing off with a shrug like we haven't just dragged a little girl to within an inch of her life] Janis: [violently shushing him as they come up, as if Asia would ever clock it, god bless, but then it just looks like you've got an amazing in joke 'cos it's like omg babe] Jimmy: [love that cos we've gotta actually be nice to Asia as she's the first person here you can actually get on your side, so use your barista charm boy] Janis: [compliment her jumper or something girl, can't let him do everything Jimmy: [and take some selfies with her that you can easily but subtly exclude the other 2 from cos 3's already a crowd huns] Janis: [love that, and Asia should have a boyf that she wanna talk about 'cos then you can actually let her gal and she'll be buzzing] Jimmy: [yassssss encourage her in all the ways those 2 don't and won't ever] Janis: [at least you can pretend you're throwing 😍 at him when really it's pained looks lmao] Jimmy: [and we can talk about the nativity and younger sibling christmas bs because those 2 bitchy only children could never] Janis: [mhmm, hopefully you love your sisters more than just accessories gal] Jimmy: [there's no way to know but JJ are slaying this so well done lads] Janis: [honestly need some kind of award 'cos it can't be overstated how hard Mia & Ella would be trying to bitch you both out] Jimmy: [hence I'm like is there anything else you can do while it's just shameless stealing Asia tactics before the others get here because we know it's not hard to get those two on side] Janis: [Hmm, what's a stupid bitch want what's a stupid bitch need] Janis: [you'll want your latte before they go cold tbf] Jimmy: [I hope he's brought like some christmas ugly jumper biscuits from the CG because getting her hyped up on sugar will only make her more annoying] Janis: [she's basically a child, just let her live in the ways they don't tbh and she'll be thrilled] Jimmy: [literally talking to her about what she wants for christmas like she is a child LOL] Janis: [try not to cackle, but we are 1000% getting on his lap to make a sneaky point like easy 🎅} Jimmy: [never have to fake how into that we are and it's a great segue to tell her all the #goals shit we've been up to and all the festive coupley plans we have] Janis: [when you truly have like it sounds like so much, y'all will be jealous] Jimmy: [as if you aren't fuming enough by how touchy feely and loved up they are before they've even said a word] Janis: [trying to separate them but also don't want their help with anything, we see you] Jimmy: [at least when JJ have had enough they can go 🚬 and on a christmas lights scouting mission because it's #goals to go have a wander and look at lights and it gets dark early af so you can] Janis: [that is goals, don't lie, you probably need to get through dinner first my loves, just be overly helpful with the food prep so you can lowkey fuck it up and they'll be raging] Jimmy: [Grace will be buzzing when she gets there cos not only is Pablo not but she's the only one who has gifts for jj out of these gals] Janis: [thank god he ain't there, we would simply throw hands lmao, lord knows shit nan and the extra ex will be making an appearance soon] Jimmy: [Grace would have straight up walked in and straight back out again if he was and you know it Mia so good luck chatting shit about friendship then] Janis: [get to getting this starter everyone try not to actively vom at the table] Jimmy: [at least that would taste nice cos it's literally brie and cranberry and walnuts and honey so you're welcome everyone] Janis: [looking at y'all 💀💀 why do I feel like JJ need to go to the toilets immediately after like you two cannot, the shade of it all] Jimmy: [LOVE that] Janis: [sure you have more than 2 but we know what's being said huns] Jimmy: [the point has been made] Janis: 😈💩🤮❌ Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: oh no, is this the group chat? Janis: sorry Jimmy: *😱😱😱 Jimmy: if it were Janis: 😱😱😱😱😱 of 'em Jimmy: soz, you're dead right, babe Janis: though I don't think the big one is doing it right Janis: awks Jimmy: she'll be getting her bollocking now Janis: poor cow Janis: if I were to cast her in a nativity Janis: but I'm just seeing what meds they've got Jimmy: @Helena Janis: ugh, I wish Janis: what back problems is this flat-chested 💀 gonna have Jimmy: you're alright though, yeah? Janis: of course I am Janis: just potential dirt Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you alright? Jimmy: nowt wrong with my 🦶 Jimmy: might end up with back problems of my own if you ain't 💩🤮 in there but Helena'll sort it Janis: fuck off Janis: negging me, dickhead Jimmy: I get it, you're gutted there weren't no 🦒 at the birth of Jesus Jimmy: no need to take it out on me Janis: only elves in the christmas story, so you're no better off Jimmy: your 👂 kink is blatant, Jennifer Janis: psh Jimmy: not gonna stick that 💎 you owe me in mine if that's the best comeback you've got Janis: you're very annoying, I'm pretending to 💩🤮 Jimmy: no 👂's pressed against the door, putting you off? Janis: you tell me Janis: can I perform without an audience? Jimmy: we've not done 💩🤮 Janis: #kinkstillonlock Jimmy: [another pisstakey 🥺 selfie because gotta kill time in this bathroom somehow] Janis: do you reckon that's 💀#2 thing? Janis: 💀👑 is obviously killing people slowly Jimmy: bit weird you having that in common Janis: oh no Janis: have to speed it up Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: come here? Jimmy: [does] Janis: [have a little makeout moment because we're swagging this and deserve it Jimmy: [pick her up and sit her on the sink so she doesn't have to stand up and because it's a #mood] Janis: [so shook that we gasping but in a good way, like] Jimmy: [you can have a noise back gal because we're into it] Janis: [IRL 🥺 'cos we have to go back, even if we're purposefully taking ages here] Jimmy: [just doing the MOST to make her forget that we have to go back because we don't want to either] Janis: [at least there's a perfect excuse to be loud and extra so you can go 'til you get caught and someone is like excuse me get out lol] Jimmy: [the joys] Janis: [will definitely be Ella or Asia] Jimmy: [we know Mia sent you whichever one it is, probably Ella cos it's her house so she can be that bitch] Janis: [I mean, at least we didn't break your sink hun] Jimmy: [or fuck in your bed which we easily could have] Janis: [nights still young but yeah count your blessings xoxo anyway, the main meal, we probably know the vibe?] Jimmy: [you know Mia and Ella were in charge of that bit cos clearly giving Hollie pudding to call her a fat bitch and not trusting Asia with basically anything so it's not gonna be 🥇] Janis: [it's gonna be so bland with like low-fat everything and ew] Jimmy: [gonna have to start a cute little flirty food fight moment like Tony and Effy had, skins we see you and your incesty energy, when they made those faces then that spoon got flicked etc, so you don't have to eat this] Janis: [their energy was so strange lol, like they did go out so it probably didn't help but we see you, also doing a fake like you're going to eat it and you're trying to be polite but it's so gross soz we cannot] Jimmy: [everyone be pushing that food hardcore around their plates,, can't even do a feeding each other romantic moment because it's too grim] Janis: [like ladies, you can't binge and go to town for one day, not when the others can see, we get it] Jimmy: [save the day with whatever pudding you've brought Hollie thank you] Janis: [bitches be ravenous, at least we eat at the CG] Jimmy: [jimothy got your back gal, can and will eat again when you're decorating too so] Janis: [and it's time for presents] Jimmy: [I literally can't stress enough how happy and shook he's gonna be because feelsy gifts are not a thing in his life rn it's all on Bobby to make a cute card or whatever so his thank you hug will be very genuine and emosh and he'll write 'you're' on her back for that throwback because we are speechless and a ! for emphasis] Janis: [when you're lowkey thinking he's faking most of that at least but then he writes on you so you know it's real so then you're smiley af, enjoy that guys, you can't even shade 'cos it's personal and shit he wants and what do any of y'all know about that, and writing 'you' back] Jimmy: [the gals can't be shading anyway because they'll too busy DYING when he puts this necklace on her because it's intimate af, gotta gently move that hair out of the way, kiss the back of her neck in a soft way, the whole 9] Janis: [just fully ignoring them all and it ain't even fake, gotta be SO grateful excuse us] Jimmy: [we're in the moment and our feelings bitches] Janis: ['I can't even deal with you' talking more like them but where is the lie] Jimmy: [we gotta just kiss her because 1. what are words even fake words 2. you know exactly how to deal with me cos we're 🥇] Janis: [just ignore the 😒😒😒😒😒 you're getting for AGES then be like oh, please, open your presents] Jimmy: [just being couple goals casually in the background while the gals pretend to care about each other's gifts] Janis: [I live] Jimmy: [highlight of the day tbh] Janis: [you know they wrapping up and putting that shite film on so fast honey, like oh yeah, give them an excuse to cuddle under a blanket] Jimmy: [literally Mia is this close to kicking all of y'all out and it ain't even her house] Janis: [it's so funny how easy it is to piss y'all off, do have to remember to keep the rest vaguely on side though] Jimmy: [you've done well lads and we all know none of the gals actually wanna watch this film they probably do the same one every year, just on their phones super bored] Janis: [you gotta lowkey suggest you play a game instead like come on this is BOOOOOOOORING] Jimmy: [he's a boy he's allowed to hate rom coms so it's easily done] Janis: [you two 💀 can protest but clearly we're over it so you outnumbered even if Asia was like I don't mind or whatever] Jimmy: [get that tea, especially if it's a drinking game because they are all lightweights] Janis: [we know this could get passive-aggressive fast lol] Jimmy: [it will blatantly which is how we can bring this friendmas to an end without it looking like JJ's fault] Janis: [hohaha just like this is awkward gals] Jimmy: [run away and look at aka steal some lights lads, your work here is done] Janis: [you can go decorate his now and make the kids day] Jimmy: [though we might have to kill some time and do it when they're asleep because I doubt we were at Ella's that late] Janis: [true hen, we know we killed this party before tea time honestly lol] Jimmy: [walk some dogs together first of all] Janis: [get that cash babies] Jimmy: [they should come back and eat some actually nice christmassy snacks and watch a christmas film that doesn't suck and play a game with Bobby that doesn't end in murder like this is how easy it is to do better than you gals] Janis: [yes, 'cos 1. real 2. all they'd have to do was a couple of pics and everyone would know the flatwhites was a flop] Jimmy: [exactly and she hasn't met Bobby yet so I thought that'd be a nice chill way to do it cos not trying to make it a thing™] Janis: [yes, this is true, rip to not seeing your marvellous sheep performance hen] Jimmy: [and he can talk about wanting to see Santa to put that idea in jj's heads] Janis: [easy] Janis: Oi Janis: use your elf connections Jimmy: 🎅 or nowt, me Jimmy: [takes off that ugly christmas jumper in a pisstakey way like I've got the body for it] Janis: [😏 and pats his tummy like yeah] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna put a cushion up his top but then chucks it at her head] Janis: [whispers the obscenities behind Bobby's head] Jimmy: [signs something at her which is obvs 6 year old level insults to make Bobby lol and join in] Janis: [just getting dragged, fake cry so Twix comes to support you gal] Jimmy: [we'll teach you gal it's always useful] Janis: [love that] Jimmy: [at least if Cass comes back we can bribe her into walking some dogs for us because don't need the 😒 when we've just escaped the flatwhites] Janis: [at least you'll get some spends gal, because that age you can't even get your own job so it's pocket money purely] Jimmy: [win her over as well lads nicely done] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 us Janis: I'll be waiting for my card, like Jimmy: 🐾 an' all Janis: awh Janis: you don't need to sign it Janis: got the doodles Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: I ain't forgot I owe you one Janis: 🕥 Janis: gonna be THAT bitch �� Jimmy: nowt more #goals than nagging a lad to 💀💀💀 babes Janis: except that friendmas, AM I RIGHT Jimmy: [IRL LOL because] Janis: [😏] Janis: kinda sad how easy that was Jimmy: [a shrug because we see them all the damn time at the CG we knew how easy it'd be] Jimmy: alright, I'll give you a challenge, girl, stop begging Janis: just saying Janis: BFFs it ain't Jimmy: and you'd never know from the group chat Janis: yeah Janis: the performance they put on would be almost impressive if it weren't tragic 'cos no one cares Jimmy: [chucks her some gingerbread house kit like there's your challenge babe because they always suck and never stick together and taste gross 'make that look goals and you'll impress me']] Janis: [obviously we're gonna do it 'cos can't turn a challenge, also roping Bobby into helping by letting him eat some of the sweets which are the only nice part of tbh, just LOOKing at him like 'why would I need to do that?' like is it don't care to or is it already have, we know] Janis: *down Jimmy: [Twix not helping but getting involved god bless her, we're giving her a LOOK back because always will hen 'might just be worth it' cos remember when she made that promise before they went to the park last night, he does] Janis: [God loves a trier Twix, lowkey feeding one of the gingerbread people to her and doing mini screams of terror as it gets its head chomped off lol, then having to hide our 😳s 'cos of course it will be and of course we do] Jimmy: [just watching this and falling in love nbd] Janis: [when you've inadvertently done them a solid there 'cos there's usually a mummy and a daddy and then 2 kids so like, fuck you Ian we're just making Jimmy and Cass and Bobby and there's no awkwardness over missing mum] Jimmy: [I didn't even think of that goodbye] Janis: [like thank you girl for swerving that lmao, also putting the shades on him and holding it up like eh, eh?!] Janis: likeness is uncanny Jimmy: Oi, where's my 🚬? Janis: there's nothing festive about throat cancer Jimmy: Dickens 👻'd disagree Jimmy: he's 💔 it got cut in the edit Janis: there's still time for your manager to show up with a goose Janis: and if you get me some crutches, you won't have to do so much heavy lifting Jimmy: more of a 🐷 you but we'll crack on regardless Janis: you're so rude Janis: if I WAS Miss Piggy, I'd kick you down right now Jimmy: one good trotter an' all 💕 Janis: it's important I keep you under it Janis: Kermit is the ultimate cuck Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: 💀👑 can't even get a text back Janis: she's the rat Jimmy: keep it between us 💀#2 is gonna be gutted they ain't ⛓ together Janis: for all eternity Janis: being judgy af Jimmy: her only kink unlocked Janis: there's fuck all 🧠 or 💪 energy left to have any other passion Janis: it's 💀👑 and nothing else and that's the way they 💕 it Jimmy: [sends her his fave gayest pages of the diary like LOL cos they only had time to skim read at the time] Janis: [trying not to actually lol out loud 'cos still doing this house and watching this film] Janis: imagine 💬 that and not faking it Jimmy: [nudges her because we wanna hear that lol soz if we knock you when you're building] Jimmy: imagine 💭 that BEFORE you were 🧠 dead Janis: [a face like HOW DARE, don't sabotage me, boy but we grinning] Janis: maybe she was WELL lovely before my sister started hanging about Janis: she will do that to you, like Jimmy: [😘 like ILY babe I would NEVER] Jimmy: Puberty'll do that when you wanna fuck your daddy an' all Jimmy: not to snatch away your 🏆 or owt, Gracie Janis: [dangling gingerbread him over her tea like I'll do it, bitch, try me] Janis: she's used to it Janis: 🏅 participation Jimmy: [a look like do it because death wish 5ever] Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [acting like we really considering it, before putting him back and getting to work on a frosting Twix 'cos tah for being the right colour and texture lowkey lol] Janis: death march more appropriate after today Jimmy: kill bill siren sound Janis: love to take a samurai sword to 'em                                                                                                                         ' Janis: 💔 my christmas ruined Jimmy: more 🏆 than them tiktoks with the 🍏 🍎 🍐 🍊 🍋 🍌 🍉 🍇 🍓 🍈 🍒 🍑 🥭 🍍 🥥 🥝 Janis: but not more 🏆 than this gaff Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: yeah, reserve your judgment 'til I'm finished Jimmy: til we're finished, dickhead Janis: I will have to do the high ones though Jimmy: [another playful nudge like piss off and the gingerbread house wall will be falling] Janis: [lowkey pissed off haha not majorly but attacking him with this frosting like STAPH] Jimmy: [playfight because always] Janis: [being like, Bobby, please protect the castle, I'mma fight off this monster real quick] Jimmy: [that sweet boy gonna take his job so seriously god bless] Janis: [as are we you're going down jimothy] Jimmy: [until we use distracting tactics like picking up the pendant part of that necklace like oh hey remember this and how much you love me] Janis: [looking at Bobby like you have to play fair when there's other people about] Jimmy: [draws a 🏆 on whatever bare skin there is, obvs taking our time to be flirty af cos we're always playing to win honey] Janis: [at least you don't have to worry about calling him a dickhead right now 'cos we must lest we say anything else] Jimmy: [likewise can say 'you' back and not worry about how his voice shamelessly sounds, ah deaf brother perks] Janis: [write 'later' on him 'cos we can promise that] Jimmy: [just as well because Cass can't be out walking dogs forever and she will charge in all snowy and cold like make me a cuppa bitch and obvs Jimothy will] Janis: [and she would not be happy at this scene because grumpy tween life, so focus you two] Janis: you know how I like it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [jimothy just shouting through like a fussy dad @ Cass like if you want a warm shower or bath go after this cos I'mma be starting Bobby's bedtime routine soon] Janis: [probs not at all mortified you did that in front of Janis, nice one boy] Jimmy: [she hates him so much during this time period I lol Janis: [poor boy, you're doing you're best, we all are] Janis: [at least you can clear away this gingerbread carnage] Jimmy: [join him in the kitchen gal but not in the flirty way he hoped would be happening a bit ago] Janis: [just subtly helping without being asked always, love that for yous] Jimmy: [she's so caring in a way that he is not used to at all, it kills me] Janis: [just coming up behind him in a fake-out trying to scare you but not actually way 'you want me to clear out of here for a bit?' like, come back later when they're asleep vibes] Jimmy: [just saying no before he can stop himself and then it's like well now I wanna die] Janis: [just nodding like okay, 'cos not gonna make a big deal even though that was obviously a speedy reply] Jimmy: [doing his own nod towards the window like the weather is the reason we don't want her to go even though we know now how close mcvickers gaff is and that she'd be fine] Janis: ['I'm fine with staying cosy' and takes half the teas in] Jimmy: [shit like this is why we're falling in love with you gal] Janis: [like we are gonna feel slightly awkward whilst he's sorting his siblings but we know the drill from our own back in the day so we can deal] Jimmy: [we'll be sending Cass upstairs for her long bath like my boo used to have because being a tween is the worst okay, good thing Ian isn't here for how long she'll be in there and the music blasting but we're gonna be stuck with Bobert for a while cos he won't wanna go to bed] Janis: [when you partying, live your dreams babe, can't fight you, put on a slightly more chill xmas movie maybe, like idk, polar express or something, he'll fall asleep eventually] Jimmy: [Twix and Bobby falling asleep between you on this sofa like an adorable cockblock] Janis: [just looking over at him like, mission accomplished] Jimmy: [taking them upstairs to bed when it's safe to without waking them, the bae can take a snoozy Twix for you, nodding at Bobby's bed like told you I wouldn't be able to stretch out on that] Janis: [mimes measuring the bed and him like hmm, idk] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her out of the room] Janis: [at least you can take your chance to push him back and have a kiss in this corridor] Jimmy: [glad Cass' music will cover up how loud Jimothy is because of how badly he's wanted to kiss her for what would feel like an age] Janis: [you'll be so glad you didn't hear that, gal, well done, just like 'some santa' though 'cos where is your sneakiness] Jimmy: [looking at the necklace and back to her like excuse you I'm a great santa] Janis: [looking down and then touching it 'it's not totally shit, actually' obvs we were 😍 earlier but that was in front of the gals] Jimmy: [a shrug like it's all so casual and we don't give a fuck either 'did the job' because obvs it was all about impressing the gals and not her] Janis: ['glad I don't have to bin it' 'cos we actually like it and it's not basic just because we had to do a #goals gift moment] Jimmy: ['weren't where I got it out of' because we clearly did buy this there's no way you could've stolen it feasibly as it's jewellery] Janis: [raising a brow, 'you don't want it back, do you?' like are you saying it's too expensive or something] Jimmy: [shakes his head 'my tits'll never pass for yours' like I can't take #goals pics for the gram pretending I'm you so there's no point] Janis: [turns like good, 'cos I'm not giving it back, good day] Jimmy: [go put these decorations up and Jimothy will play the I saw mummy kissing Santa song to make the point like he ain't sneaky either so] Janis: ['that's because it's the dad, not the real santa, dickhead' like get ur facts straight hun] Jimmy: ['never said I were the real santa, Janet' like I'm just good at it like I am at everything thank you] Janis: [mime a 💔 and also a 🤫 'you are tonight'] Jimmy: ['sounds like I'll be going to see him in a bit' cos Bobby wants to, an unimpressed face like lucky me 'don't reckon he'll be fuming about the roleplay though, we're alright'] Janis: [😍 like LUCKY YOU 'there's one in [a place I've not looked up but I'm sure exists lol] that's meant to be pretty good'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out and has a look before giving her an IRL 👍 like a nerd because it looks decent enough] Janis: [bows like ya welcome] Jimmy: ['you coming?' cos she didn't do the nativity and the reason that would've looked #goals is the same here] Janis: [is thinking 'can I bring someone?'] Jimmy: [is a bit like whomst but nods because yeah obvs you can] Janis: ['alright then' like not gonna elaborate lol ok] Jimmy: [says it back and we're cracking on with these decorations] Janis: [get it gals, make it look magical] Jimmy: [at least his house isn't huge so it won't take you forever] Janis: [though it is a house so don't die doing an outside moment, make it work, like] Jimmy: [#teamwork but do take a break when you are outside to piss about with the snow even though there isn't loads you can still chuck it at each other and then get each other with your cold hands] Janis: [no more park for you gals, looking in the general direction of thinking as much] Jimmy: [looking where she's looking and thinking the same things, it was nice while it lasted lads, when he REALLY wants to tell her to stay here but we already embarrassed ourselves in the kitchen being like DON'T GO so we can't say anything] Janis: [at least this will keep you busy for a while, before you have no obvious reason to stay] Jimmy: [could feasibly take hours because it takes ages just to do a tree sometimes] Janis: [mhmm honey bunny, this is still gonna be awks though, at least you can say that you wanna bring your niece and work out those logistics like are we going tomorrow orrr 'cos not long now sweaty] Jimmy: [we probably are realistically, ew I hate to imagine how busy it would be] Janis: [my boo say disgusting lmao, at least you can make this goodbye more natural now like gotta get up for that hens, just being like, hope Bobby loves the decs 'cos we do] Jimmy: [gotta be in the morning so he can work in the afternoon because busy time and we need that cash honey, the greatest and best hug goodbye because it's been such a feelsy day] Janis: [trying not to linger and failing lowkey, we see y'all] Jimmy: [will offer to walk you home as if you haven't just been putting decs up with that ankle, we know you just are trying to keep this going] Janis: [do we reckon it's too late for public transport, like you don't wanna go home and you are just gonna come back tomorrow, soz mcvickers showing up again] Jimmy: [mcvickers are used to it and she needs Libi early that's our excuse] Janis: [let him walk you back then gal] Jimmy: [🚬 break during this walk back because there wouldn't have been enough of those today] Janis: [chance to breathe hens, you been busy, ruining lives, making days] Jimmy: [let it hit you boy how close christmas actually is] Janis: [we're all shook, like your mother must be hitting you up gal, what's the tea this year] Jimmy: [gonna ask her if she wants to go for breakfast tomorrow before this santa appointment because he wants Bobby to have a nice time, like we know we have to work a lot soz little man] Janis: ['as long as you aren't suggesting going in to work early' like you love your job SO much babe but obvs, we are down] Jimmy: [such an unamused noise and face because I can only imagine the hell that the CG is on the daily never mind at festive times] Janis: [😏 'cos we've literally been in ONCE at this point and we're like yeah, I know, y'all can go somewhere decent] Jimmy: [somewhere these bubs will love and think is so swag but you won't hate every second of] Jimmy: [when you wanna be like THANKS for today post friendmas but it's awkward so you just pull her back a little bit and then you're just there like -] Janis: [Dublin looks like there's loads of cool places in general so I have faith, doing the signature ?] Jimmy: [just looking at her like if you could read my mind rn that would be great] Janis: [so rude you cannot tbh, just pushing him gently like what though, like don't freak me out] Jimmy: ['tah for-' gestures back in the direction of his house 'our kid'll be chuffed to bits when he has a look'] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'won't pass it on to #2' 'cos lots of those decs were hers but fuck you gal 'take a pic if he looks cute' 'cos we blatantly wanna see his reaction but not gonna outright say that so we just pretending it could be #goals content] Jimmy: ['should work in a grotto or some bollocks next year, you' not even a pisstake because she's great with kids and swagged that but we'll pretend we are, nods and mimes that he'll record his 😱 reaction, again we probably will but we can pretend we're taking the piss out of Grace's vlogmas vibes] Janis: ['you're the elf' and a face like lord no, do your own 👍 and go inside bitch] Jimmy: ['yeah and I'll have a word' heart hands like love you gal] Janis: [blow a kiss like you're buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: [catch it as you watch her go boy]

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

#this is more of a recap than a liveblog lmao #anyways. good times #lj watches hxh #hxh

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 15 - Candy Page 34

==>

John finally decides to let the relevance of his story end, and enjoy that he’s made at least some of his other friends happy with his choice.  Time to read Page 34...

VRISKA: Pfft, yeah, wh8tever. I’m basically Immortal, bitch.

Preeeetty sure you’re confusing yourself with one of your parents.

Pff, actual healthy kismesis with a Tavros?  Wow, we’re getting all sorts of redemption by not-really-Vriska proxy here.

HARRY ANDERSON: he’s always getting all weepy whenever i talk to him anyway. HARRY ANDERSON: i don’t think i could have taken another round of him choking back tears while apologizing to me about “what happened with me and your mother, harry.” HARRY ANDERSON: i mean, god. he’s not even fucking DRUNK when he does this. HARRY ANDERSON: that might actually be the most embarrassing part.

.......

Okay, having grown up with a father who suffered from serious depression and would break into tears embarrassingly easily, uh.  I can relate?  But also fuck you, that’s inconsiderate.

--Dammit, new Vriska is catching wind of old Vriska.

Vriska and (Vriska) both start shrieking at a pitch John’s only ever heard one time before. It was a sound that once accompanied the end of everything. A sound once heard the night he dreamt in anime.

Oh that’s brilliant.  If the entire Candy arc ended here it’d be great, though I know it’s not quite over yet.

==>

...Oh shit, we actually get to see what happens immediately next.

Interesting introspective thoughts!  Or, trying her best NOT to be introspective and failing.

Oh my god, SHUT UP Gamzee.  Vriska, just kill him already??

PFFF HE SENT A PIC OF IT TO KARKAT :D

Pfff.  Yeah, Vriska, TRY and ignore what just happened and how it was almost entirely your idea.

(Vriska) is so furious, she has no way of pinpointing the exact moment her intent stopped being intimidating him into silence and started being guaranteeing his silence, forever.

Thank FUCKING goodness, PLEASE kill him.

YAY he’s dead! :D  (Even though he’ll probably revive anyway because bullshit.)

Heheh. NOW we get a cross-Vriska heart to heart.

==>

Alright, a bit more John moping.  Man... this Candy section is a whole lot easier to swallow AFTER Meat than I imagine it would have been before.

.....heck.  EITHER of these epilogue branches are really fucking hard to swallow the first time around without the other’s context.

Oh huh, it’s his house from the Medium then?  Relocated and stuff?

Jake, hm.  Is Jake going to try and leave his son with John like that failed kidnapping in reverse or?

Jake snaps the elastic on his pair of red underpants. It’s the only thing he’s wearing.

Oooookay then.

JAKE: She had a certain way she liked me kipped out and well, i didnt want to bring anything that belonged to her when i left. Nothing she er, might miss. TAVROS: You took me,

Jake winces.

TAVROS: And,,, you took you,

Jake’s wince deepens.

Oh, so that’s what this is!  Jake fleeing with his son from an abusive relationship.  About gosh darn time.  .....geez, how bad did it get for JAKE to finally muster the gumption to do that himself after all these years???

Jake is one whole wince now

I know THAT feeling.  Or at least feel like I do.

John you dedicate your life to keeping this child happy

JOHN: it’s just been kind of a rough forever.

:C

JAKE: Maybe you should blame me? JAKE: Maybe i need someone to blame me. For once. JOHN: ...huh? JAKE: I think im starting to realize that ive been going through life with the mindset that nothing has ever really been within my control.

YES.

This is how Vriska broke Tavros way back in the comic, by constantly denying him agency.  Jake’s been battered down the same way too, and it’s not too late to pick up the reins.  He’s already DONE that by finally leaving his genocidal wife.

There’s a bit of Page of Hope-yness to this whole disastrous Candy timeline, come to think of it?  People fulfilling others’ desires out of obligation constantly, doing what they think others want?  Roxy, Jake, Dave and Karkat... all fucked over at the aggressive whims of more active folk, rolling over when they really shouldn’t have?  Or in Roxy’s case, her CHARACTER basically SHOULD NOT HAVE IN THE SLIGHTEST?

JAKE: Havent you ever wanted to let someone make the tough choices for you?

Huh.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

Yes.  You can act and change this too, John.  You almost did with the kidnapping before!  Go and take down the new Batterwitch.

Hm, Hopey thing?

JAKE: John. JOHN: yeah? JAKE: Take my hand. JOHN: what? why?

Oh shit.  Are they going to be able to FIX some of this BS with some sort of hopey thing??? :D  Probably too much to hope for but still!

Being flung from Jake’s orbit of Hope and Change

Pffff.  Had to throw in an Obama didn’t you.

...Oh.  Oh wow.  Oh we get to figure out what the fuck was up with Roxy all this time.  Oh boy.

JAKE: So what if it doesnt change anything? Wont it matter to your family to see you care? JAKE: Wont it make you feel better to try?

:D

Heheh, Hope aspecty stuff.  The ability to believe that something matters even when you “know” it doesn’t.

==>

...Yeah, it’s pretty easy to relax on a dead Gamzee.

Oh cool.  These Vriskas are alike enough to bond!  New Vriska is still in her teenage unbalanced go-for-it stage, and old Vriska has been knocked down a peg by the clown incident, putting them on a close enough level to not want to instantly disown each other, unlike old Vriska and ghost Vriska.

VRISKA: The Mayor’s dead, dude.

HOW did the Mayor die?!??  Did I just FORGET that from the end of Homestuck or something??

(I mean, probably.)

Callback to the clouds in that first Jade dream John had.

(VRISKA): Or may8e the truth just makes me kind of nervous. VRISKA: What “Truth”? (VRISKA): Don’t tell him I said this, 8ut, I think John is just an extremely powerful 8eing. Even when he sucks. (VRISKA): And he certainly does appear to suck in this reality. (VRISKA): And yet, the uneasy feeling is there. (VRISKA): It’s a vague feeling I’ve had in the 8ack of my mind for a long time, 8ut it really hit me when I was talking to him earlier. (VRISKA): It’s distur8ing to think a8out that much power 8ottled up in one stupid nerd who’ll never understand it. VRISKA: What Power are you even talking a8out? VRISKA: Like, lame Wind Powers? (VRISKA): No, I mean... (VRISKA): The power to shape reality. Even without intending to.

FUCK did he really cause all this??? Even the Roxy shit?!???  D:  D:  D:

It’s being left vague but it IS sounding like John was actually RIGHT about all that stuff.  FUCK, if the “villain” who messed up Roxy is actually just John’s subconscious...  :C

Even if the epilogue ends right here, though, with John about to call Roxy, I can imagine it working out, though.  It’s on a right enough track there.

(VRISKA): I’ve spent so long caring so much a8out what other people thought of me. Mainly that they saw me as important, or making a “difference.”

Mhmm mhmm.  Light n stuff.

Yeah, realizing that importance isn’t ALL that’s “important” is really, um.  Important.  Ahem.

Hm, other Vriska, that smile had seven pairs of dots, not eight.  :?

(VRISKA): The POINT is, I was so mad at her. (VRISKA): That happy ghost version of myself, who was free of everything. (VRISKA): I was pro8a8ly mad 8ecause she got to 8e who she really was, without stressing a8out it, which is something I never felt like I was allowed to have.

Indeed.

(VRISKA): I guess I mean there’s someone specifically I fell out of touch with, who it feels like I’ll never see again.

Too bad, only ghost Vriska got her reunite with ‘Rezi.  :P

(VRISKA): On some level I knew she was right. She was happy and honest with herself. And that’s what made her... (VRISKA): A version of myself who was actually worthy of someone I cared a8out.

Yyyep.  As I said.  :)

VRISKA: You’re just talking a8out The Girl You 8linded that one time, aren’t you? (VRISKA): Ummmmmmmm.

Heheh.  Yeah, you’re not going to hide that sort of thing from your sharp near-clone.

Oh cool!  She gets to see all those messages and feel turboguilt or something.

...oh shit.  Is a message going to actually get to her?  It-- oh shit.  Didn’t Terezi have her phone buzzing in her pocket and ignored it in the end of Meat or something?  Or at SOMEONE did and I thought it conspicuous but it didn’t get addressed in that side of the story and-- FFFFuck is she eventually going to see it or??!  D:

She’s GOT to have seen it before running all the way off with villain Dirk, right?? D:

==>

Okay.  You seem to be thinking clearly, Roxy.  What’s going through your head? Give us some answers.  Don’t fuck this up too much, John.

but she knows by now that it’s not her job to make him happy. That was something she gave up on years ago. But wanting to? That feeling is still as fresh as it always was.

FUCK was this all just a placid feeling of obligation to make John happy for all he did to ensure victory or something??? D: D: D:

She’s still working through what she feels about distancing herself from Jane

Yesssss

If he’s truly about to be real with her for the first time in forever,

Gosh fucking DARNIT John, you could have fixed all this DECADES AGO if you had a real talk with her ONCE!!!!!

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit ROXY: u might relate JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

:c

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are. JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it. JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life. JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally. JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault. JOHN: but even before that... JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did— JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do— JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

...Huh.

That may not actually be true, and Roxy might be about to prove how self-absorbedly reductive that is.

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

Okay YES.  If this wasn’t him, then SET HIM THE FUCK STRAIGHT.  :D

She knows more than he does, and she doesn’t need to hear it.

TELL US TELL US TELL US

YES TEAR INTO HIM he’s wanted that for so long stand up for yourself and tell us what the fuck happened and why

He’s been looking at her, really looking at her, and she doesn’t want to blink, just in case that shatters it.

Yes because he was looking for the real Roxy that would call out his BS

JOHN: i used to be so angry that you wouldn’t tell me what you really thought, before. JOHN: not like i wanted to FIGHT fight, but like. JOHN: i’m just not used to this flavor of roxy. ROXY: hm ROXY: sounds to me like u just disproved ur own hotshot theory then genius JOHN: huh? ROXY: you wished i was one way the whole time we were married ROXY: but i wasnt

YES!!! Yes his theory’s disproven!  He never WANTED Roxy to just act that way, he wasn’t the cause of this, I was hoping for that!  :D

ROXY: i was bad at standin up for myself then and im learnin to be good at it now

D:

That’s....... sad, if that’s the explanation.  But it’s better than mind control I guess.  :(

JOHN: but... JOHN: you were never like that before i... ROXY: dude ROXY: where tf do u get off trying to decide what is or isnt me being “like me” enuff ROXY: do u think ppl stay the same their whole damn lives or what

Oh wow.  Now Andrew’s slamming SLAMMING of fanfics.  He’s saying “who are you to know for SURE that they wouldn’t act that way”??  That’s pretty good.

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

:’)

Mhmm, and they’re free from the heroic design arcs or what have you.  Or... were, until Dirk tore them back in again.  Tossed aside their fucking victory with his selfish... ugh.

Mhmm, Roxy’s the perfect person to explain that not being in a canon, Light-filled timeline isn’t really a bad thing.

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

Roxy thinks about time and the spirals of choice that hang just outside her periphery, and the vertigo grows.

Good advice, and hm.  Maybe there’s some Void sight kind of playing into this as well, making it easy for her to get paralyzed by indecision and she’s had to learn to work through it.

...Ooh, that was a really cool non-binary gender diatribe in the narrative text.  That’s some nice stuff.  I felt like that was missing from the Meat side, glad we got it here at least.  :D

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward. JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

Thank goodness.

YES, JOHN SHOWING HIMSELF STRAIGHT-BACKED FOR HIS SON!!! :D

Man, I wish my dad had done that instead of all the other shit he did.  At least he’s dead.  :)

(Here’s a hint in case you’re wondering why I was relieved when my Dad offed himself.)

But that’s off topic.  Let’s wrap up this epilogue already!!

==>

Page 39... only three or so pages left, right?

Pff, Karkat’s keeping them safe.

Heheh, more shitty Liberty statues.

Heheh, using them for weapons caches.

Gosh I hope they actually love each other and are mostly happy.  Jade seems happy, at least.  :(

Dammit, there go the doubts.  He wouldn’t have had those doubts with Karkat. :C

He’s standing in the Oval Office of the White House.

Oh heck yes.  Please tell me...

And over there... is something he doesn’t quite recognize. It doesn’t seem to fit in. He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

YES

Dave doesn’t waste any time. You don’t find something like this in the Oval Office and start agonizing over whether or not to use it. He steps on the platform, and in a blink his surroundings are completely different. The centuries of overgrowth are gone, and he appears to be in some sort of crypt, boxed in by walls of smooth, golden stone. At the far side of the room, something is hanging on the wall, encased in a sort of display. It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

HELL FUCKING YES

YES OBAMA

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider. OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

Dave’s jaw hangs open. The legends have been confirmed. As well as several key headcanons of his. Without thinking, he drops to one knee and bows his head.

DAVE: m... mr president DAVE: its an honor sir

Man, forget my past stomach clenching.  Forget my hesitations, my turbulent emotions, all the ups and downs the various facets of these Epilogue chapters have given me.  THIS is the best.  THIS makes it all worth it.  This is the best thing to have ever happened, and if I ever feel any regrets about ANYTHING that transpired in the Epilogues, I’ll feel infinitely better the moment I remember it gave us THIS.

The most beautiful scene I’ve ever witnessed.  All my liberal, economy-ranting hopes and dreams confirmed.  It’s glorious.

OBAMA: Come on now, Dave. We can’t be having that. OBAMA: I’m nobody’s king. I’m a democratically elected representative who took an oath to serve his country and his people. People like you, Dave. OBAMA: If anything, I should be the one bowing.

OBAMA.  I MISSED YOU OBAMA.  I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE THROUGH YOUR TEXT AND ITS SO COMFORTING AND UPLIFTING

DAVE: mr president what i mean is im a huge fan of yours and i hope this doesnt sound fucked up but on some level i feel like ive been waiting my whole life for this moment?? OBAMA: I know, Dave.

Yes, yes you have.  Yes, we can.

OBAMA: Most people thought I was gone. But I was keeping an eye on events. OBAMA: Wouldn’t miss it for anything.

I, too, would like to have the feeling that Obama is still out there, keeping an eye on things.  Watching, smiling... providing some last background of Hope as things seem so temporarily sour.  That feeling would be amazing.

...I mean he’s still alive IRL, sure, but not Obama watermark smiling lovingly from the sky or anything like it should be.

Yes, back to reading.  Back to this glorious, definitely canon moment.  The moment we learned that Obama was with us the whole time.  :’)

DAVE: sorry if this is nosy but if you didnt die when you disappeared then how did you die OBAMA: Most of that is classified, Dave.

Pfffffff  :D

OBAMA: When I was a boy living in Hawaii, on my thirteenth birthday I was visited by a mysterious stranger. OBAMA: He was an older man with a mustache. Kind of a corny, old-fashioned, adventuring type. He tried to convince me we were related. Of course, I thought he was full of shit. OBAMA: To this day, I’m not sure about that. Maybe he was. I didn’t think much of his tall tale at the time, but what did pique my interest was his story. OBAMA: He was voyaging all over the Pacific looking for a mysterious island, which supposedly had all the answers he’d spent his whole life searching for. OBAMA: During his travels, he set up outposts all over the ocean to help with his search. Such as one near where I lived as a boy. The outpost had a laboratory, an archeological dig site, a network of underground tunnels, the works. OBAMA: One time, I snuck in there and did some exploration of my own. Somewhere in the maze of underground ruins, I found a transporter pad, just like the one that brought you here. OBAMA: It sent me to a new realm. A place they called the Medium.

Grandpa Jake of Earth A, thank you SO much for bringing us this gift.  The gift of Obama.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we take a walk. You’ll have a chance to collect yourself. And there’s something I’d like you to see.

:O :O :O

I am shivering with anticipation.

Ah, leave it to Obama to help Dave with the final steps of his character arc.

OBAMA: Are you sure that’s all he is, Dave?

FIX THINGS OBAMA!!!! :D :D :D

Wait, what if Obama can turn things into an actually legitimate DaveKatJade?  That would be a miracle only a god of Hope could pull off.

OBAMA: I’ve had my share of doubts about all that, just like any other man. OBAMA: And I’ve had plenty of the same kind of struggles as you, Dave. DAVE: wait DAVE: you...

Obama nods, smiles wistfully. Dave arches his eyebrows high above his shades. They stare at each other, and in the look they exchange, they seem to say all that needs to be said between two grown men on the matter.

:’)

OBAMA: Believing is the key to understanding the truth underlying the words, the truth underlying the ideas they represent, and the truth underlying who we are as individuals. OBAMA: The power of belief, the power of Hope, that’s what endows that which is intangible, ephemeral, or uncertain with a sense of reality. OBAMA: It brings focus to the insubstantial, the mirages of the mind, the multiplicity of what is possible, of what could be, and isolates it—concentrates it—to turn it into that which is. OBAMA: And the result of that, Dave, is what we call truth.

I didn’t think we’d be learning more about the Hope aspect straight from the mouth of Barack Obama.

OBAMA: He taught me about many things. Combat, philosophy, life, love... DAVE: love??? DAVE: hold on are you saying DAVE: that...

PFFFFFFFF :D :D :D

OBAMA: She’s settled happily into the specific. That’s her path now. OBAMA: All of you have embraced that life, in this safely sequestered version of planet Earth. OBAMA: All of you until now, Dave. OBAMA: This is why you’re here. OBAMA: I believe you’re ready to wake up. DAVE: ...

:O

...this is suddenly possibly going to be getting slightly sad isn’t it.  D:

--Oh shit, so THIS is where Davebot came from.

How is he going to break things off with Jade though???  D: D: D:

...Oh my GOSH he’s just going to suddenly vanish and abandon her isn’t he.  D:

...alright, merging with his other selves, et cetera...

It defers to its greatest knight, risen anew.

Yeah that’s nice but am I supposed to pretend you’re going to say goodbye to Jade offscreen or

--ah that’s why the bot didn’t have shades, gotta use the genuine Stiller ones

==>

Page 40, and the start of this sounds a lot like the Postscript.  But we’re getting more this time, thank god.

ARADIA: when i watched as everything broke apart ARADIA: and got swallowed up by the black hole ARADIA: which is where i ended up too ARADIA: that black hole... ARADIA: thats basically you right JADE: yes. ARADIA: and when you speak of your brother ARADIA: thats lord english JADE: yes. ARADIA: and hes dead JADE: not just yet.

Oh shit.  John’s final blow didn’t kill Lord English did it.  Alt!Callie is going to strike the very last killing blow herself isn’t she.

JADE: lesser beings have so much trouble perceiving divinity in the uncanny.

Divinity?  Like, Lollipop-style divinity?  I mean, I guess this IS the Candy branch...?  But what made this so “perfect” to begin with?

JADE: this world, unlike the canonical horrors from which it is hermetically insulated, will always fail to meet the combined criteria for truth, relevance, and essentiality that would endow this realm with any real gravity. JADE: its own naturally occurring supply of gravity, rather than the artificial supply i have given it. JADE: as such, what transpires here is characterized by experiential frivolity. JADE: physically, it is cordoned off by the black hole’s event horizon. it is safe. untouchable. JADE: inescapable. ARADIA: that sounds ominous

Oh.  So this outside-of-canon timeline-verse whatever that Candy takes place in is like a trap?  For Lord English to be trapped in forever, inside not just his OWN story like we thought before but into a place where he’ll be forever irrelevant, while, like... the “Prince” and others following him for pursuit or camaraderie reasons manage to escape somewhere even different?  --No wait those people are OUTSIDE this place, in the “real” timeline/universe of Earth C. So Dirk’s destination is somewhere completely different; oh, and alt!Callie is the only one with the power to escape the black hole, to bring Davebot and Aradia with her back to quote-unquote “canon” or the closest thing to it to bring bastard Dirkbro down.

Or... something.

JADE: one could describe it as a phantasmal projection confined within my horizon. JADE: it was created by a choice that made it possible for that horizon to expand infinitely, to consume infinitely. JADE: and since that choice could not coexist with canon events, this place manifested to here to support its consequences. JADE: if this world were capable of anything either essential, relevant, or true in some stable combination, then it would perpetuate a corrosive paradox. JADE: as such, insulation from what is out there, and the inescapable well it rests in, is what protects all it holds inside. JADE: and since i am the embodiment of the black hole in which it rests, JADE: i am the one protecting this world.

Oh huh.  So when we saw alt!Callie creating the black hole out of the Sun, she was actually using John’s “choice” and his timeline split to engineer the paradox that drove that singularity’s expansion?  And so she’s going to be the lord and safeguard of all that is Non-Canon, and also seek to guide the heroes trying to save what IS Canon?

Hm!

JADE: physical destruction is one thing. JADE: obliteration of the entire canvas for all of reality over a given cosmic span is another. JADE: and yet there are even more insidious forms of destruction and subversion of life to consider. JADE: methods that are difficult to grasp for those on your plane.

Yep, destroying Heart.  Destroying Soul.  Destroying the uniqueness that drives individual agency and choices, and suborning people completely to your will and ideals without their consent or choice.

Hmm....

JADE: but longer stories have the power to draw consciousness into them. they possess arresting and hypnotic qualities which can be used by their tellers to alter the awareness of the listener.

Yep, like a biased narrator with their claws on the > prompt for characters.

JADE: i brought to your attention that the story you were listening to had a speaker with a specific identity. JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.

Yep yep.  And by commandeering the story to his own agenda, Dirk’s been robbing everyone of a fundamental right to their own existences.

JADE: this is the sort of corruption i now must dedicate my existence in this new body to ending once and for all.

Heck Yes; returning the narrative to as objective a speakerless-ness as can be attained or simulated, and divesting the bias from agenda’d narrators that can wrest all control from the participants in a story, enslaving them and making them the author’s puppets instead of true to themselves as characters, people, etc.

--Oh my GOSH, was Dead!Jade eating the remains of Lord English at the end of that Postscript???  She was, wasn’t she?  :D :D :D

That’s pretty fucking awesome.  And a pretty fucking fair fate for him to get cannibalized by his sister.

JADE: consume his body. JADE: absorb his essence. JADE: and then using this host, i will generate enough power to move beyond the staggering pull of the event horizon encasing this world. JADE: a prison of my own making, which can be escaped only through the supreme unification with my other half. JADE: it is crucial to the cosmos that i succeed. JADE: the prince of heart has to be stopped.

:D :D :D :D :D

Pretty awesome!  A decent setup to a story that probably shouldn’t be told, the implied sequel that Meat invites up or whatever.  And... oh phew.

Oh PHEW.

OH FUCKING PHEW. HOLD ON.

So.  The very last line of the epilogue, the last bit:

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Okay!  :D :D :D

So, when I read that last line, I was INCREDIBLY disheartened.  I thought that Andrew was declaring that canon would never interfere with anything again, that this was the FINAL WORD on Homestuck and everything to do with it as far as canon was concerned, and that Dirk’s crimes and such would forever go unresolved and left to the imagination.

But that’s not what the line meant.

What’s INSIDE the singularity, and thus “under” the imaginary line, is everything non-canon, all the possibility and fanfiction and dead ghosts and such who are trapped in this safeguarded realm alt!Callie created to protect them, away from the influence of any future plot danger beyond the mundane issues they create for themselves.

And what’s OUTSIDE the singularity, above the line, is canon.  A canon which actually continues, and which this line doesn’t necessarily cut short.

I don’t know if Andrew will ever continue this nonsense, maybe to show me a Rose who’s actually happy as a robot or something?  But... er, that’s not the point.  The point is that even though the story “isn’t over”, it’s left so it CAN continue, so that the final state of these ISN’T a permanent cliffhanger to be left forever unfulfilled intentionally.  I’ll still be traumatized by the state some of these characters are left in, until Andrew maybe possibly chooses to resolve some of this nonsense with later content, which he probably won’t.  Heck, this actually might be easier for him to create a new work with, given how much baggage has been left behind on old Earth and in the singularity, so all you have is a much relatively smaller cast of characters on a chase to wherever Dirk is planning to go?  But, like.  When I read that Postscript, I stopped believing anyone I saw suggesting we’d get anything after this.  Any sort of work of... you know... continuing, er, Homestuckiness from Andrew, no matter what it was.  But even just... leaving it open even if he isn’t going to DO anything about it, and having that final line NOT be an aggressive cutoff?  Is just nice.  Nicer, anyway.

And this singularity is kept safe for us to enjoy ALL of the old stuff, the multitude of possibility that the in-singularity version of Roxy glimpses out of the side of her eye.  That--

Oh my Gosh.  THAT’S also what the final line means.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

Homestuck fanfiction is now COMPLETELY FREE FROM CANON.

Within this singularity, nothing has to stay true to absolutely every underpinning of the earlier comic.  Nothing has to make sense.  Nothing has to be narratively consistent with anything else, though it’s obviously more enjoyable if it is.  Truth, essentiality, and relevance may all be FLEXED as much as any individual fanfic writer needs to!  And... and earlier, before this epilogue.  When we would get Snapchat stuff of the story on Earth C.  And even before that when all we had was the ending flash.  There was still a FEAR on many parts that there was more to canon that Andrew wasn’t telling us, that whatever was in our imaginations about what may have happened was “wrong”, that any fanfic you wrote was liable to be disproven formally.  But that’s not the case anymore.  Because with that line, with alt!Callie sealing off this realm and taking just a last few soon-to-be canon-impactors out of one of its timelines, Andrew has left ALL of the earlier trappings of Homestuck, of Earth, of all these characters and ghosts and fragmented possibilities, permanently free from canon influence from the rest of time.  Meaning no Homestuck fanfic that takes place in this singularity-granted realm may EVER be busted by Andrew’s future work.  He’s done what he first aspired to do when he declared all fantrolls in existence canon.  He’s finally “killed the author”.  He’s made the very FACT of an author an enemy, to be pursued in its own canon story outside of all this.  He’s set EVERYTHING free.

Wow.  So that’s what all the point of all this was, huh?  :D

Let me read the last few pages of Candy anyway.  Where was I again?

Oh, about to click the last page.  ==>

Oh my GOD.  This Postscript is about the end of MEAT, where the Meat Postscript showed us the end of CANDY!!!  :D

Let’s hear where this shit is all going!  I’ve been wondering what realm Dirk is actually heading towards to try and start fucking up.  Reading...

...Oh, okay.  I thought I glimpsed someone mentioning something about Rose “doing Dirk’s laundry”, and I thought I just missed some narrative comment on laundry made when Dirk took Rose out of the apartment on that final trip out to Jake’s for a spaceship?  But I guess this was the scene they were talking about.  Fuck you, Dirk.

One of her more reckless shipmates chipped a tooth trying one, despite repeated warnings to stay away from the stuff.

So Terezi IS there?  And probably received that final message from Vriska to think about.

It’s a stray ruby slipper. The other is about ten feet away, down the hall. No sign of their owner anywhere.

Yep, that’s definitely Terezi.

...Oh cool, Rose’s body isn’t quite dead?  She could be returned to it or a souped-up version of it if she’s ever brought to her senses outside Dirk’s corrosive influence.

A new planet is within sensor range. She studies the millions of statistics all pouring in at once.

They’re heading for a planet?  Somewhere else in Universe C?

It’s an M-Class planet. The right size, right age, right distance from the sun. There’s no advanced life yet. It’s exactly what they’ve been looking for all these years.

Shit, a NEW planet?  For all this shit to go down on?  Maybe I don’t need to see what happens next, that sounds potentially a little boring.  The future adventure this story entails COULD just be implied and never followed up on.

Once the new race has established

What race??? Human, hybrid?? It’s not TROLL, y’all would have brought Aradia if that was the case, right?  Or is this why there are tons of trolls in Universe C that Caliborn and Calliope’s parent trolls got to incinerate ages later, seeded across planets by these assholes?

The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?

Ahhh.  Okay.  So this may INDEED be something interesting, something worth seeing.  A new session, one where Dirk is the villain, Rosebot is enthralled, and old heroes are on their way to help see him thwarted.  Along with the mystery participants of a session we’ve yet to see.

Enough time goes by that she begins to wonder if he’s asleep. But no. It’s just the irritated silence of a man who knows he isn’t currently dressed well enough to attend to something important.

DIRK: Are my fucking pantaloons ready yet?

Yeah, fuck you and your anime pantaloons straight in the Yaois, Dirk Smartass.

Okay!

So that’s the end of the epilogue.  BOTH epilogues.  And... I like it.

I don’t know why.  I mean it was all excellent before, and my stomach’s still a BIT clenchy, but I like it now.  I misinterpreted things from the Meat ending, and now everything... everything makes a little more sense.  Some things seem resolved, others earned...

And... in a way I feel like I could actually oddly accept, even if there’s never anything that touches on this ever again...

It doesn’t seem “over”.  :)

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots #Barack Obama

[sixcastappreciation]

sixcago gave me my gay rights

alternative title: review of the evening sixcago show on july third

this is like almost 4k and its mostly just rambling but i need to express how much i love sixcago

like at least half of this is just me being gay so i bolded some of the things that i found really interesting and isnt just me like, freaking out

so to start off: holy shit. the energy of the entire show was amazing, it was really funny and fun and the acting/dancing/singing was on point like i cant think of a single complaint on the part of any of them.

so to get into the actual show

ex wives

when the curtain came up and the smoke started pouring out i actually felt my soul leave my body it was such a good moment

less than thirty seconds in brittney mack made eye contact with me and i swear to god my heart stopped and i honestly had trouble focusing on the rest of the song

i am not exaggerating that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth

shes............. literally so good im still shaking as i write this like three hours later

the third repetition of the rhyme where they all sound kinda pissed off? they nailed that

adrianna was so cute when she said “you wont try that again”

andrea holy shit. thats really a wrap on that

abby got that like, kinda head in the clouds thing that i feel like is janes Brand during this part

when he saw my portrait he was like JaaAAaaa

i love brittney mack

courtney knew what she was doing with that prick line. get it girl

anna has the most angelic voice i swear to god

the six of them work really well together on stage???? like i know its all choreo and stuff but you could Feel the energy that they had together it was good

oh man the choreo for the end. im so gay

intro thingy:

adrianna with that riff!!!!! we stan

annas face after “herstory” was iconic. she knew what she had done wrong

you couldnt hear the intro for maggie bc people were cheering so loud

the way adrianna says maria made me gay

abby also knows what she had to say. she knows how cursed janes sense of humor is and she was really playing it up

protestent............ protestant

“we’ll tell you what you want what you really really want” this made me laugh so hard i dont rly remember the next like thirty seconds because i was dying

“the biggest.... the firmest......... the fullest..............” im. i cant

no way

“maria” AGAIN adrianna please. please i cant handle it

“OH muy bien aHHah” not to be Lesbian On Main but fuck this was so cute

her emotion during the monologue was SO funny

it was peak, it was so good

she really gets it. i dont totally know what it is but this aragon monologue gets it

when she said “really trying” she did like, a motion. i cant go into more detail but Fuck

so after “move me into a convent” everyone like, gathered around aragon and adrianna did a

well idk what youd call it but a like

her entire torso swung around in a huge circle right before “i dont think i’d look that good in a wimple”

and idk what it was but that part just made me Lose It

adrianna had this way of making it all a little funnier?

like catherine is usually pretty Serious, i think but it felt like adrianna knew she was playing a character who was Like That, if you will, and was kinda leaning into breaking the fourth wall a little

i can probably elaborate if that doesnt make sense

you say its a pity cos quoting leviticus ill end up kiddiless all my life

she said that with such conviction goddamn

oh, he doesnt remember

this was so good

the “sh-”s were really funny

the fucking. i dont know what it is but the *ting*

holy shit

i cant put into words

how much i loved that part

the pause after “i’ll go” was............ expansive

i just checked it was 10 whole seconds

that doesnt sound long but it felt like forever

she went high on “end of my life” and thank u for mine adrianna hicks

the amount of no’s was impressive and im heart eyes for it

adrianna just had really good stage presence

like i caught myself looking at her during the dance breaks of all the songs when i wasnt looking at brittney

it was just so fun to watch her go!

dluh

during the intro of like “yeah, you know, the really important one” andrea was doing some Dumb Shit in the background

like i dont know exactly what it was but she was just like

idk like noodling around in the back

and i caught her eye and she like, smiled a little

the gasps the rest of them did were....... cute

then andrea busted out a full on fucking witches cackle

then she stuck her tongue out and looked like she was taking a selfie and it was so cute

like, her tongue was OUT

“not my thing” had the BIGGEST uwu energy of anything ive ever heard

i thought people were kidding when they said andrea boleyn had uwu energy

they were not

pret a manger barely came across as a real line it was more like, an experience

the sorry not sorry choreo. its so funny and cute and simultaneously cursed

the way andrea delivered her lines here was just

it was like, cutesy and fun but also kind of cursed

uwu

when she said “are you blind” andrea like, gestured to herself, in a like “look how hot i am” kinda way

which might be the standard? either way it made me laugh a lot

don’t be bitter/cos im fitter was the only line in the entire production said with a british accent and it fucking slayed me on sight one hit ko

i actually like that they changed “mate, what was i meant to do” to “wait, what was i meant to do” because

it implies that anne had no other train of thought than the one she was on and thats very funny to me

i think it fits w andreas portrayal too

everyone was like, fake crying when anne fake walked down the aisle and it was really funny imo

and as soon as she got to the end anne like, turned, yk?

bro just shut up

the entire audience gasped after that

andrea had actual like, panic on her face

then she led into “i guess he just really liked my head”

and there was a beat after that, where everyone laughed

it was long enough that everyone got the joke

then she mimed the blow job

her riff on “hell”? iconic

“wait, didnt you actually die” no jane she was beheaded but she was fine

abby seymour said dumbass rights she has the Dumbest Bitch energy god

“catherine of aragon had tragically died” catch adrianna looking like, yeah it was so sad for me, how terrible, right?

then boleyn goes off

the. fury, passion, anger, zest, contained in andreas “MASSIVE-”

“over my dead body” andrea gave her this look like, youre damn right it will be

heart of stone

oof

okay so the monologue

oof

“i was lucky. okay, i was really lucky” o o f

“edwina” is still cursed tho

i dont know what it was about this. i dont know if it was abby, or the dialogue, or just it being live but

this made it clear that jane had been Through It

like, this monologue came across (to me at least) as unquestionably a “woman who was abused trying to justify it to herself” kind of situation

“and that’s not because i was scared,” she said, wearing an absolutely terrified expression

this is where she started tearing up i think

okay i gotta take a moment here because

abby was fully crying before the song even started

like somewhere about halfway through her monologue she started tearing up

i was looking for it specifically

i wrote this before the last part so see above

so by the first fucking like of hos you could hear her voice breaking

holy shit ms meuller what the fuck

im not kidding who gave her the right

at the stagedoor she said that after this she was like, “well thats it for my makeup” when someone complimented her song

she is crying. the first chorus and she is actively crying. in the breaks between her lyrics you can hear her crying

abby went high on a couple of notes in here

she riffed on “truthfully” and it was, wow

she didnt go for the whistle tones which was, honestly? the most relatable thing in this entire show

but a couple of the other notes she went high on and they were so killer

there was a second or two of pause after the end where everyone just, absorbed things before the applause

i have some questions for abby about this actually because i dont know if its just because the monologue was different than im used to but

i just want to know if abby meant to have everything come off like That but god

the mental gymnastics jane is doing here are so intense

this performance genuinely changed how i listen to hos forever

i dont think i can ever peacefully listen to this song again

this song gave me so many layered emotions thank u abby mueller

haus of holbein

hans................................. *holbein*

the chaos

i honestly barely remember most of it it was

i had no idea who to be looking at

but i remember it being beautiful

i dont have the words to express how

fucking funny it was

the accents were hilarious

like they werent great german accents, but that made it far better

they were leaning into the ridiculousness of it all

the way abby said “but we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty” had me on the ground

ive spent the last 24 hrs trying to figure out exactly why it was so funny and i think i got it

she dropped the german accent

and she straight up sounded like she was reading off the side effects of a pharmaceutical ad on tv

the freeze frame? legendary

anna and courtney (im pretty sure?) managed to look so genuinely offended that henry swiped left on them

your highness your highness your highness

god adrianna please

actually every h sound that came out of their mouths

but adrianna Got It

get down

oh god i gotta talk about “didnt live up to his expectations”

brittney like, half took off her jacket and gestured to her body and like, body rolled a bit and honestly? i was fucking dead

the sarcasm really jumped out here. brittney went off in the best way possible

she was fully fake sobbing right before “tragic”

fucking legend

brING me some pheasant!

the woof line is always a good moment but their facial expressions really made it work here

this song has the most outwardly complex choreo (ofc i cant speak to its actual difficulty) and every single one of them crushed it

brittney made eye contact w me again on “looking cute” and im deceased

oh god after “take my fur” she whispered “thank you. honestly” and gestured to herself again and like, i was dying

iirc brittney was like, skipping across the stage or something on “i look more rad” and snapped into position for “lutheranism”

we gotta take a moment to appreciate the operatic talent of that one “get down you dirty rascal” instead of the slo mo

like, ofc the slo mo is a good moment but

brittney went full opera and it was,

wow

shes got a voice on her holy shit

so much talent in such a tiny body

aCHYEAH

she picked the person sitting next to me to dance w her and

they did their cute little dance thing and then brittney gestured like, go sit down, and the person did, then stood back up and started dancing again

not like, in a bad way i dont think

it was super fuckin funny and after the song brittney was like “oh that was cute you think youre funny”

but i heard them talking at the stagedoor and like, brittney was chill it wasnt like a violation of anything

im not explaining it very well but it was really funny in person

everything about her on stage was just, so enrapturing

i dont have too many specific notes about this song because it would probably turn into just, me being gay, which is enough of this already

anyway! get down was good brittney mack is a stellar cleves

her fake crying is next level tho

the confrontation

boleyn, unprompted: i lost my head!

the beheaded cousins high fived after “nice neck” and like, stuck out their necks a bit it was so funny

seymours “i died”

we all know abby is gonna kill her line delivery

but GOD

and then after, she like, realized what she had said and struck a pose like, shit please still think im regal

the line itself was actually pretty, uhhhh, sad

theres something about boleyn roasting khoward in andreas voice

courtney with that “and your songs” had perfect timing

also “when will justice be SERVED” had such good punch to it

after she did that she like

rubbed her hand on janes face

and abby looked SO offended

theres something so, sincere about courtneys delivery of her roasts that i hadnt been getting and its SO much funnier to me

i forget exactly where but at some point boleyn aragon and howard were arguing

and in the background it really looked like seymour and cleves were having a normal conversation and i lost it like. they were just chattin

there were a couple moments of like, cleves and seymour interacting and it was interesting

aywd

courtney! mack! took! no! prisoners!

jesus christ

okay so i dont know if other howards do this or if it was just because i was seeing it live and up close and that made the difference but

for me the most compelling part of this howard was the fear

like yes there was the sadness/anger/etc like there was good emotion but

from the “he says we have a connection” re: henry, and then on, everything about courtneys body language just screamed that she was afraid

idk i might expand on this in a separate post because its a darker topic but yeah. holy shit that was emotional

not a single person clapped after the last line. they all waited until after “yeah, and then i was beheaded” before clapping

like the theater was dead silent. DEAD silent

it was like, so haunting because it was just courtney on stage at that point, with just the white spotlight on her, it was a Moment

im not sure i have the heart right now to get too deep into this

if it would be particularly interesting to anyone feel free to ask, im happy to get more into it but idk its just Emotional

actually this is already so long ima go for it

so on each “we have a connection” it was uhhhh parr and aragon (i think) who each put a hand on like, her clavicle

and for the first two verses she grabbed one of the hands and was like, flirty? ig

but on the one about henry seymour also put a hand around her waist and she like

she freaked out

and listening back to the audio i can

unpopular opinion perhaps but the actual emotion of her on stage didnt come thru in the audio

because it was so physical

like you could see how scared she was

which made it more relateable to me honestly

like she looked so so scared

it was heartbreaking

the confrontation part ii

oh BOOH OO MISTERESSES

“okay catherine, babes” is CUTE fight me

anna looked like, progressively more concerned as that beat went on, and then she just kinda like, deflated? it was really funny tbh

idk her parr feels Different than the parr im used to

during “oh im catherine parr i draw the line in arbitrary places” courtney was playing with her hair it was hashtag cute

BACKING VOCALS RIP CATHY PARR

idnyl

a cute little b flat major 7

yeah anna parr seems

hmm

she seems like she’s just, over henry

like from the start she just has no time for him

idk im Conceptualizing

anna uzele is

her voice is next level

she put survived in the “got married to the king became the one who survived” in air quotes which i think is an interesting note

anna got really physically into the “remember that...” bit of it and everyone in the back was also having a good time with it it was Good

andrea. she stuck her pointer finger between two of her other fingers on her other hand for the “my sixth finger” line and it was SO funny

khoward keeping aragon in line was

not the hot take i was expecting but nevertheless the one we deserved

both for “dissolution of the monasteries” and “well actually”

idk it was a cute character moment

one of *unsure, disgusted, vaguely annoyed* siiiIIIiix

abby was right in front of me and she looked SO uncomf

yeah, i read

iconique

andrea like, threw her head back for this line

the pause after “theres not much we can do about it now” is

painfully long and so so so funny

i was only really looking at brittney but she was like, arms down head up no body language it was SO funny

also her “yeah?” ended my life

she raised the mic up to her mouth while not moving an inch of the rest of her body

the part where they get all meta. has me dead

it was about halfway through this second part that i realized cleves had her coat back. i dont know when that happened. if anyone else knows when exactly anna of cleves gets her coat back after it gets taken off in get down please tell me. i genuinely want to know

this actually distracted me

i got vibes that they genuinely hated henry during this part

first off, mood

secondly, good

annas riffing. god.

she is so talented

dsfjksdf they all straight up left

six

the opening moment is really sweet and kinda funny

abby again killing it with janes cursed lines

courtney howard is actually so cute

when shes not being heartbreakingly sad that is

like her “bye!” was so cute

theyre all so supportive of each other its very cute

megasix

adrianna and abby both looked into my camera and like, i died

at the end anna and brittney were doing some dumb shit as they walked off stage and it was SO cute

after the show

i went to the stagedoor and it was a really fun experience! ive never done that before

it seemed like everyone was being pretty respectful and stuff, thank u six fans for being sane

i got four signatures on my program dklfjsldfjds

abby was such a sweetheart, we actually talked a tiny bit

i told her i loved her line delivery (because uhhhhhh i do) and she said that she tries to get in that comedic timing when she has Those Lines and like yeah

she was seriously the nicest

the ladies in waiting came out as well and everyone cheered for them and lets be real they DESERVE it

lemme sidebar here actually and talk about the ladies in waiting because

they killed it

bessie on the bass was living her best life at literally all times

brittney was also super sweet! i told her she had good energy (because uhhhhhh she does) and she was very nice about it!!!

i didnt really talk to anna or andrea but i got their signatures!

also speaking of my program im still losing my mind over “remembered for: headlessness” and “remembered for: staying alive”

thank u sixcago program

in conclusion! this was such a great+special experience!!! all of the actors were incredible, it was so wonderful

im also not claiming any of this stuff was unique to this performance or to sixcago in general this was just the stuff i noticed as i was watching it. if you clown on this post ill end u

#six the musical #sixcago #** #i typed up no way dluh idnyl and the after show part in a daze as soon as i got back #i got more of it filled in later and then i kinda lost steam #and im filling in the last bit almost a day later so yeah thats why some of its Like That #i ran out of energy for six/megasix but im not sure when ill get the energy so #and also this is Long as Fuck #and i have even more thoughts re: the cast and their portrayals #esp vs the west end cast portrayals

[a-w-g-x-blog]

Mr Barakat & Mr Gaskarth

Hi!! Ive never really written any fan fictions or imagines before, so if this isnt that good im sorry. Ill try my hardest though:)

I walk through the school gates texting my best friend Aria. Im basically just ranting to her about how stressed- but excited i am because i have Mr Barakat first period. She sends me a message saying: “Yo i see u”, i look up in attempt to look for her and i see her straight away. I make my way towards her, running faster than i ever thought was possible.

“Hey whats up? Youre stressing so much calm down” Aria says to me while patting my back. Im crouched over, puffing from running.

You see, im not that good at exercise... at all.

*bell rings* “Come on lets go to class. I bet you’re just so excited to see Mr Barakat” aria says and nudges me in the side, i give her a threatening look in response. She stops.

I walk into the class room and make direct eye contact with Mr Barakat, it sent shivers down my spine. He smiled and i smiled back.

I walked to my usual seat at the back of the classroom and sat down next to aria. we talked for about a minute before mr Barakat decided to get up and quiet down the class. he started writing some stuff up on the whiteboard and instructed us on what to do for this lesson, of course, I wasn't listening. I was just paying attention to his pretty little face. he's adorable. ....and super hot.

I didn't do my work or pay attention to the stuff he was telling the classing was just looking at him. he was a really nice ass btw. r e a l l y   n i c e. sometimes I just wanna poke it, buuuuuuuuut I can't really do that. 

as I'm just staring, daydreaming, yknow, the usual, aria nudges me over and over again, truing to get my attention. I finally snap out of it. “HES COMING OVER” she whisper yelled at me. I look up and see him slowly making his way over to our desk. I immediately freak the fuck out and get really nervous.

“hey, y/n, can I see you after class? its important” he says to me and leans on my desk.

“y- yes of- of course mr Barakat” I stutter, but manage to get it out of my stupid mouth.

“great ill see you later” he says, and walks off. 

I. nearly. screamed.

and so did aria..

she nudged my side and make a weird face. 

“hm?” I said.

“HE ASKED UIIU TP DTASY BSCK ASFTERBCLSS” she said, I hardly understood a word she said, but I do understand why she was freaking out so much. he really did ask to see me after class, but it'll probably be something very different to what were both hoping.

see, my friend Aria has a ~crush~ on her music teacher, miss Page, and I, have a crush on mr Barakat, .......and another teacher called mr Gaskarth, yep. two crushes at once. lemme tell you its not fun. aria and I basically just fangirl a lot over our ‘teacher crushes’.

When the end of period bell rang, aria laughed and ran out of the classroom yelling ‘HAVE FUN!’.

...and at this point i wanted to die.

I walked up to the front of the classroom to his desk and stood there silently while he finished off talking to another student. When it was just him and i in the room he started talking.

“Like i said, this is important. Y/n youre failing my class horribly and im not sure why, would you like to explain?” He said in quite a serious tone. Now im scared.

“Uhm im not totally sure why im failing Mr Barakat im very sorr-“ he cut me off,

“so you dont know why youre failing?” He asked confused.

“N- no. Im sorry.” When really, i did know. It was because i never gave a damn about what he was saying i was only ever paying attention to his body.

“Hm okay well try a bit harder i guess... the only reason i can think of is that you always seem to be daydreamimg in class. Sooooooo might wanna stop that. Anyways see ya later alligator” he said and laughed. His laugh is adorable.

I smiled and waved goodbye, and walked out of the classroom. So.. he notices im day dreaming... that means he looks at me omg he knows i actually exist, unlike all the other teachers who just seem to ignore my whole existence. ...not mr gaskarth though hes nice too.

I made my way to the cola and met up with aria.

“OMG OMG OMG WHAT HAPPENED DID YOU KISS OMG WHAT HAPPENED” she yelled in my face, extremely loudly, just so everyone could hear.

“No. We did not. He simply talked to me about my grades and how i need to pay attention in class instead of daydreaming..” i said quite calmy.

Aria frowned.

We talked for the rest of recess and went to our next class, math. Ugh i hate our math teacher. So. Much.

I dont pay attention, i just think about mr barakat, aaaand then aria reminds me that i have music with him this afternoon. I instantly get nervous. Music with mr gaskarth always makes me nervous.. beause its really obvious when you didnt pay attention. Like, he could be explaining all this stuff, and then when he tells you to go play this particular instrument, you have no idea what the fuck he wants you to do with it. So its alwas nerve wracking.

*Le time skip*

The end of period bell goes, and i start making my way to music, aria and i part half way as she has cooking. Ha. Suck shit bitCh.

Im surprisingly the first one to the classroom, i slowly walk in and wave to mr gaskarth. He smiles and waves back.

“Do you know where the rest of the class is?” He asks me.

“Uhm no sorry im not sure.. i was wondering why i was the first one here haha..” I mentally face palm myself for being so awkward.

“Well, i guess we can just hang out until they all show up” he said and smiled.

I grinned and nodded. Oh man. Yes.

“So what’ve you been up to lately? Hows your day been so far?” He asks and smiles and then takes a sip of water from his bottle.

“Ehh its been okay i guess... the only two good parts of today were first period when i had mr barakat and now when i have you.” I laughed and so did he, i even saw him turn a slight shade of red. it was so cute. “Mr barakat talked to me after class and told me im failing because i daydream too much in class” i said and blushed, becuase damn i was embarrassed that i said that. God dammit i hate myself.

“Aw, well i mean you do daydream a lot y/n” he said and laughed.

I looked down at the floor and awkwardly laughed.

And just then the class walks in.

“Yo gaskarth sorry were late some kid got in a fight it was lit” some kid said. (Yes, murder me all youd like for that sentence).

“Oh.. its okay I guess” mr gaskarth said and re-positioned himself in his seat. Everyone sat down and i sat at the back of the room like i always do.

He started going on about some music shit.. i dont know what. I like music, well... listening to it. Music class? I hate it, its so boring, the only thing i like about it is my fucking teacher.

His lecture about what i think was about.... opera or some shit ended and he instructed us to all go get a keyboard and play a certain song. Now, you see... i cannot, and i mean CANNOT play keyboard. I am so bad at it. But mr gaskarth has given me an A on all my keyboard tasks anyways when i cant even do them.. hes nice with stuff like that. I wonder if he does it for anyone else...

I sat down at a keyboard and pressed the g note over.. and over... and over again for nearly 45 minutes, until last period had finished. Of course, i was looking at what mr gaskarth was doing while hitting the g note. He was adorable... his little smirk and the cute faces he makes are just, perfectly adorable.

When the end of bell rang, i got up, collected my stuff and headed to the door, but i felt a hand grab my arm and stop me in my tracks. I look behind me to see who it was, just expecting a random person in my class, it was actually mr gaskarth. I blushed like mad and i saw that he could see that. He nervously laughed and scratched his head while looking away cutely.

“So uh.. i just wanted to tell you that you look really nice today. Like, your hair and your makeup its just-“ i cut him off.

“THANK YOU” i practically yelled....

He laughed. “Youre welcome, youre very pretty. I heard some people calling you emo and ugly earlier.. and i didnt know what to do because i think you actually look great today” he said and smiled at me.

“Thank you, you really dont know how much that means to me, mr gaskarth.” I said and smiled sweetly and blushed again.

“Well... you should get going. Have a nice rest of the day” he said as i was leaving and smiled.

“You too, mr gaskarth” i replied, smiled, and waved him goodbye, he did too.

I made my way out of school and started walking home.

I hate that i like teachers... and two of them... why cant i just like 1 person? And can they not be a goddamn teacher? I sighed and continued my walk home.

[taexyoongs]

Comfort Food

ASK by @givemehoroscopes​:  hey hello hi could I request a tae scenario where it's yoongi's birthday the boys throw a big party and as being close friends with them Y/N is invited. And theeen, she gets very drunk because she has realised that she has feelings for tae and can't cope with it normally;) and then tae is being very soft like his usual self and takes care of her, and Y/N confesses to him and then can't remember anything in the morning THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY <3

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader (ft. bff Jungkook)

Genre: fratboy!bts

Length: 6.3K

Authors Note (Admin Taenox): READ ON COMPUTER, LOOKS WEIRD ON PHONES !! I’m sorry it took so long and I hope you like it <3 ALSO: This might look weird on my phone since I’m formatting on my laptop. And my writing style can be confusing so in case you don’t know: italics mean internal thoughts of whoever’s POV the scene is in. Quotations is normal speaking.

“What did you just say to me?”

“Cancel all of your plans and be at the frat house by 8.”

“I swear to god, Kim Taehyung, if you think I’m going to spend my birthday throwing up in a toilet, you’re wrong.”

“Come on, hyung. You know you enjoy every second of it. You’re always a grouch about it before, but when you show up, you’re the life of the party.”

“No. I hate those parties.”

“Tell that to all the girls you grind on when you’re drunk.”

“Fuck you, Kim Taehyung.”

“I’m good, but I’m sure the girls would take the offer.”

Hoseok stepped in.

“Hobi, save me from this madman.”

“Yeah, dumbass, he clearly isn’t being convinced,” chimed in Jimin.

Jin whacked Jimin with his sleeve. “Don’t call Tae a dumbass, dumbass.”

“Okay, I have to step in as the leader here and clear things up,” said Namjoon. “Tae is, in fact, sometimes, occasionally, a dumbass.”

Jin whacked Namjoon with his sleeve. “Then you’re a dumbass too. Leader, pshh. I’m the oldest one here, You all better listen to me or else…”

“You’ll beat us up?” added in Jungkook, while flexing.

“Don’t get cocky on me. I can still beat you in a fight.”

“Hey Yoongi hyung,” said Jimin softly. “I think you’re really cool and smart and amazing and-”

“You damn well KNOW you enjoy those parties too,” repeated Taehyung.

“We even invite the girls.”

“OKAY. EVERYONE SHUT UP. I’ll go! You better bring me a trillion gifts and a lot of alcohol.”

Yoongi looked up at the other six. A small surprised moment of silence ensued.

Then madness.

“YES!” “FINALLY!” “OH MY GOODNESS, IT IS GOING TO BE SOOO LIT!” “SUCCESS!” “HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOONGI!”

And that’s how the night began.

                                                         …

                                                        Y/N

There are a great number of distinctions between a frat party and every other party. Frat parties have way too many people for way too little space, while regular parties have an average amount of people for an average amount of space. Frat parties have copious, even outrageous amounts of alcohol, while every other party has just enough. Everyone knows that whoever chugs the most from the keg is obviously far superior to the mere lightweights. And most importantly, unlike every other party, frat parties were where mistakes are made.

And this frat party was no different. Booze was in every hand and music was blasting in every corner of the medium sized frat house. When you entered through the front doors, you could feel the temperature go up by several degrees. You scanned the room. On your right was the crazy dance pit full of writhing bodies. As expected, Min Yoongi, along with Jin, Jimin, Joon and Hoseok, was right in the middle, having the time of his life. On your left was a large table of food and beer. And straight ahead was the kitchen. Your eyes drifted over the pit again. Gosh why did it have to be so dark in there? “Hey. Hobi…. Hobi!”

He can’t hear me. Guess I’ll have to go in there myself. Ugh.

You started to make you way through the crowd of sweaty drunk people.

Why do people enjoy this? I mean, there has to be a reason why people get drunk right? Alcohol tastes like crap, so it can’t be that they enjoy the taste. To get away from some emotion then. To get so drunk that they become emotionless and let their bodies go to the sway of the music? It’s better to feel the emotions and get over them slowly but surely right? Right?

You were next to Hobi now.

Your arm reached out and poked his shoulder.

“HEY IM JUST TRYING TO DANCE SO IF YOU DON’T MIND- OHHH! Y/N IT’S JUST YOU! HI!”

“Where’s Jungkook?”

“HUH?”

“WHERE’S JUNGKOOK?”

“THE KITCHEN.”

“THANK YOU!”

“COME JOIN US AFTER Y/N! WE MISSED YOU”

“MISSED YOU TOO!”

You started to push your way out of the crowd. “Watch out!” “Sorry!” “Excuse me.”

After picking up some punch off of the 2% of the table that was not alcohol, you turned your feet towards the kitchen.

Wait. What if Taehyung’s in there? He’s always with Kook.

I should go touch up my makeup.

You started to make your way to the bathroom when you collided with someone.

“I’m sorry,” you both said at the same time.

“Oh. Yah! It’s you! Hobi said you were in the kitchen?”

“Yeah I was but I came out to find you. You were supposed to be here an hour ago! You didn’t respond to any of your texts. I was worried about you.”

“Ah, shit. Sorry Kook, I was finishing up that stupid group project. That dumb bitch Amy didn’t do her part. Did I make you worry about noooonnnnaaaa?”

“Blech, you disgust me y/n. Anyways, we have to talk about the thing.”

“What thing?”

“Are you dumb?”

“Yes.”

“Goddamn it, y/n.”

Jungkook brought his voice down to a whisper.

“The Tae Thing.”

“Oh. That. Hahah we can just pretend I never texted you that it’s fine I know you and him are best friends and that would be weird and I totally get it and”

“You’re doing it again.”

“Huh?”

“Talking too much because you’re nervous.”

“I’m that obvious am I?”

“Yes.”

“WOW. What a supportive friend. I’m so thankful to have someone like you by my side.”

“Pshh, you don’t have to thank me y/n.”

“It was sarcasm, idiot.”

“Oh.”

“But for real. This is probably weird for you. He’s also one of your best friends.”

“Dude, are you kidding me? That would be fucking amazing. My two best friends start dating. They always force me to third wheel with them. Then they feel bad for me since I’m always third wheeling for them, so they set me up with a smoking hot babe for a double date. You see? I’ve thought this through.”

“You’re a crackhead. Anyways I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh okay, I’ll get Tae. Don’t worry, I’ll act natural. I know nothing about this.”

“Hahaha okay, you better. Bye, I’ll be back soon.”

You turned away from Jungkook and headed to the bathrooms.

You made sure to lock the door behind you.

So no frisky couples can kick me out of here.

Looking at yourself in the mirror could go one of three ways. Sometimes you thought you looked like a sultry, hot goddess. Other times, you thought you looked like Gollum. And for the most part, like today, you usually just thought you were average.

Your fingers skirted down to the hem of your black bodycon dress,  tugged up, then folded.

Heck. If I don’t feel hot yet, might as well be a little more revealing.

Great.

Now your knee length dress was a party dress. Giving your hair a little ruffle, you checked yourself out.

You reached into your wallet and took out a tube of your favorite lipstick shade.

Haha, I knew this would come in handy. Self confidence here I come.

No one would have expected your favorite color was a classic bright red. It didn’t suit your personality at all. You weren’t a party girl. Frankly, no matter how much you wanted to pretend you were that hot girl at the party that all the girls were jealous of and all the guys drooled over, you knew that wasn’t you. You were the girl that worked too hard. The girl that studied a lot and wore hoodies all the time and took care of other party girls. You were the nice one, not the desirable one. But bright red made you feel like you were on top of the world, like you were a badass career woman who could take names and kick ass.

Stepping back, you gave yourself one last look through. Ruffled hair, smudged eyeliner, red lips, your little black dress, and strappy shoes.

It’s showtime.

You unlocked the door and strutted out of that bathroom with all of your confidence that immediately melted away the second you saw Kim Taehyung.

Your heart couldn’t help but skip a beat when you saw him. He was, quite frankly, ethereal. But unlike those other attractive guys, he wasn’t cocky. He didn’t expect anything from anyone. In fact, he was almost exactly the opposite, never talking about himself at all. Instead, he took care of everyone around him in his own special little way, joking around, flashing boxy smiles, and being serious when he needed to.

“Wahh, y/n you look great today, doesn’t she hyung,” quipped Jungkook excitedly, slapping Taehyung’s back.

Oh my god, Jeon Jungkook why would you ever say that?

“Oh hey Taehyung! How’s it going?”

Shit, I should’ve just said hi. Or what’s up? Or-

“I’m amazing y/n. And Jungkook’s right. You look pretty.”

There your heart went skipping beats again. You felt a slight blush come up onto your face.

“Ah haha thank you. It's hot here, let’s go get some cold punch or something. I’m out”

“Yeah let’s go get some drinks and get on the dance floor. We aren’t at a party to be wallflowers. Look at Yoongi over there.”

You and Tae both turned your heads to where he was pointing.

“Sure looks like he’s enjoying himself,” you said.

“Yeah, seriously,” agreed Taehyung. “You have no idea how much we had to bribe him to come to his own birthday party.”

Jungkook put his arm around your shoulders. “Well are you two done being jealous of Yoongi’s abilities yet? Cuz I’m thirsty.”

You looked over. “You’re always thirsty, Jungkook.”

“Ha ha very funny y/n. Lets just go.”

Jungkook grabbed you with one hand and Taehyung with the other and dragged both of you behind him.

You gave Tae a helpless look and shrugged. He smiled back.

Agh that cute boxy smile. Why am I like this?

“Hey, I’ll be back guys one second. I want to go put this clutch away so we can all go dance! Go hang with the other guys.  I’ll be back in a minute or two.”

“Okay y/n! Come back fast!”

You hurried of the door and sat down on the sidewalk. A crescent moon hovered above your head.

You look so pretty glowing like that. I wish I could look like you. Why do I even like him? I wish these feelings would go away already. I’m too tired of debating on if I should confess or not. This is too hard.

The door creaked behind you.

“Aha, I knew you weren’t putting away your purse.”

“Jungkook. It’s too overwhelming.”

“Well, you see, that’s how you know it’s real y/n. I promise today will be a good night for you okay? I think you should just be more confident and love yourself more.

“But I’m like not nearly as attractive or cool as Tae is and like not on his level at all.”

I’m saying this objectively, not as your friend: you are freaking beautiful. Not like those girls all over Yoongi, Joon, and Hope right now. You’re beautiful in the most real way. Outside and inside. Just remember that and get back in there, my gawd, you’re wasting precious time sitting out here being existential.”

“Well, I was just going to say thank you for the pep talk but huh, you had to ruin it at the end didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Hahahaha.”

“See. I made you laugh. I win.”

“Goddamnit. OKAY.”

You stood up.

“I CAN WIN OVER HIS HEART RIGHT? LET’S GO BACK IN.”

You started to open the door. “Wait y/n. Go put away your purse clutch thingy. That’s what you said you were going to do. It’d be weird if you went in there with it.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. Thanks Kook.”

                                                        …

                                                TAEHYUNG

“Where’d Jungkook go, Taehyung?”

“He said he went to the bathroom, but I think he went to chase after y/n.”

“Y/n? I told her to come join us! Where’d she go?”

“I would but for some reason I feel like she’s avoiding me and Kook knows what’s up. I’ll go ask him later. I hope she’s okay.”

“I’m sure she’s okay. Now look I don’t have time for petty girl drama. The hyungs are about to perform live. I need you to dance like a crazy hypeman with me.”

“If it’s Ddaeng, then you know I’m in Jimin.

“Ayy let’s go.”

                                                        …

                                                       Y/N

Entering back into the now hot and heavy atmosphere in the living room, you couldn’t help but nod your head along to the beat of the music. “Damn, they’re killing it. You sure this is just a hobby?” “I know right,” yelled back Jungkook over the music. “They’re insanely good. I keep telling them to find a company.”

“Wait Jungkook. I need a drink.”

“What?”

“A real drink to make me brave. I’m going to tell him. Like an alcoholic drink.”

“WHAT?”

“I mean I’ve liked him for like a year now. Might as well get rejected and let go.”

“What do you mean? You don’t drink alcohol. Is this real? You’re finally going to get laid tonight. YES!”

“EW. Jungkook, hell no. The point is, I’m too emotionally exhausted for this chasing game anymore. I’m just going to say it. And whatever happens will happen.”

“Shut up he’s going to say yes and I’m so excited! Let’s go get drunk!”

“Yes please. My nerves are going to jump out of my skin and run away at this point.”

Jungkook led you to the drinks. “Okay, there’s vodka, whiskey, or tequila. All three will do the job and get you some liquid courage, aka get you very drunk. Whiskey tastes the best in my opinion. Or you could go for the beer which is abit more light and you’ll still be sane the whole night.”

“What’s going to get me so drunk I won’t remember anything tomorrow? In case he rejects me, I’d rather never know it happened.”

“Here you are.”

Jungkook slid a shot glass towards you.

“What’s this one?”

“The vodka. Here I’ll take a few shots with you so you don’t feel alone. Ready?”

You picked up the tiny glass cup. It was slightly strange that something this small had the power to do so much good and bad. Mostly bad. You had never really heard a story that started with “So I got really drunk” that ended with “and we all lived happily ever after”.

Well, here goes nothing.

“3...2...1… GO!”

It burned more than you thought it would. You coughed.

“Why would people drink this stuff? It tastes like poison.”

“The same reason you’re drinking it right now. To get drunk.”

I guess that makes sense.  

After a few shots, Jungkook stopped drinking.

“Hey, y/n. I feel woozy let’s s-stop. I think this is enough to feel brave.”

“What? Are you a lightweight or something? No! I need more.”

After a “few” more shots, Jungkook stopped you.

“Yah, are you crazy? You’re going to get alcohol poisoning and die if you keep going at this rate. Look at your face.”

You looked at your reflection in the glass.

Your face was turning bright red, just like your lipstick.

“That’s okay, I like red. And I don’t feel drunk. I’m pretty sure I’m sober. Whoa, I’m so cool. A heavyweight. A HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Aren’t I cool Jungkook, Jungkookie, Kookie-pie?”

“Yep, you’re drunk.”

“No, I’m nooooottt. I’m soberrrr.”

“Who do you like y/n?”

“Kim Taehyung,” you replied without hesitating.

“And you’re going to confess to him today, before the night ends okay?”

“Yessir.”

“And you’re not going to throw up on him, or embarrass yourself.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Okay. You can do this.”

“I can doooo th-this!”

Your hand started to grab another shot glass.

“Oh my god, y/n. Stop drinking. You’re going to end up being blackout drunk and forget to confess.”

“But I’m still scared.”

“Y/n. Stop. Listen to me. I’ve gotten drunk plenty of times. Getting drunk will make you braver sure. But after a certain point, you’re going to lose yourself. So no more drinking! After all, alcohol isn’t comfort food!”

You deliberated that for a moment.

“I mean, I can’t really think right now, so I’m just going to listen to you. What next, Drinking Master Kook?”

“Next, we go get your man.”

                                                        …

Looking for Taehyung and the others, Jungkook easily weaved through the crowd that had seemingly doubled since 10 minutes ago. Following behind him, you tried to not bump into the tipsy girls with glasses that were sure to spill. Eventually, after a few minutes of blindly stumbling through the dark, you and Kook found them.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” yelled Hoseok.

“Y/n, it took you that long to put away your purse? Jungkook, jesus! That was one long bathroom break.”

Shit, he knows something’s up. Well, duh, to be honest. What did I expect? We’ve been gone for nearly an hour now.

“Sorry Tae, me and y/n just got some drinks to be more loose and carefree. She’s had a long day with project mates fucking her over”

“It’s fine, just help me with these hyungs. They’re drunk out of their minds.”

“I’m th-the leader. Don’t tell me what to do”

Namjoon hiccupped and pouted.

“I can do whatever I want.”

“See what I’m dealing with here?”

“Shit, sorry Tae. Look! I’ll make it up to you. I’ll call an Uber and take them home. You and y/n stay. I’ll take care of it.”

Oh my gosh he’s leaving us alone on purpose, isn’t he?

                                                        …

                                                TAEHYUNG

He’s totally leaving us alone on purpose.

Jungkook was the only one that knew that Taehyung liked y/n. No one else. Not even the hyungs. It’s not like Jungkook was the best secret keeper. But he was Taehyung's best friend.

“Yeah, okay. Make sure the hyungs get home safely. Sorry, Jungkookie. And thank you!

I should use this opportunity and tell her today. What if she says no though? Oh my gosh, why didn’t I think this through before I told Jungkook to invite her. Shit. Fuck. What am I gonna do?

He shook his head.

No, let’s just do it. Be brave and just go for it. Yes. I’m going to ask her today.

I’m going to ask y/n to be my girlfriend.

                                                        …

                                                       Y/N

It had been a few minutes since Jungkook had left with the rest of the group. This was the time where things usually started to get awkward for you. But not tonight. Tonight, you were on top of the world. Or maybe you were just too drunk to feel mundane emotions such as awkwardness. Either way, tonight would be a turning point. You would either be insanely happy from now on or be insanely sad for a little while. You would get over it in the end of the day. Heck, anything could happen to you right now. But you would be okay. Because right now you were happy. You were almost euphoric moving your body to the rhythm with Taehyung. And that, in itself, was enough for you.

As the night went on, you and Taehyung started to get touchy. A playful pat on the shoulders. A flirty smile here and there. When the perfect sentimental songs came on, Taehyung could really handle it anymore.

“Will you dance with me y/n?”

You couldn’t believe it when you heard it. THE Kim Taehyung that all the preppy college girls lusted over, THE Kim Taehyung that all the guys wanted to be friends with purely to get girls to hang out with them, THE Kim Taehyung had just asked you to dance with him.

Have I died? Am I a ghost getting whatever I want in heaven?

“Oh. Okay.”

And together you danced the night away until he kissed you and you dated and lived happily ever after.

Atleast that’s what you dreamed of while your hand was in his. It’s what you were thinking about when his hand slowly drifted down from your shoulders and slipped around your waist, pulling you closer, until you were flush against his body. A blush crept up your neck as you looked into his eyes.

They were looking right back at you. “You’re turning red.”

You quickly looked away and put your head into his chest.  

“I’m drunk.”

“Yes, y/n. I know.”

“Okay.”

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were being affected by me. Am I affecting you y/n?”

You stayed quiet.

His right hand drifted back up your body to lift our chin up, forcing you to make eye contact with him again.

“Am I affecting you yet?”

“No,” you whispered.

“You’re a but stubborn, aren’t you y/n? That’s okay.”

He leaned his head in until it was a few centimeters away from you. “I like stubborn. How about now?”

It took everything you had to shake your head back and forth.

“That’s okay y/n. Both you and I know that I am.”

And then he was kissing you.

A hundred thoughts went through your mind in that instant.

Wow. His lips are soft. So soft. And they taste like alcohol. If I drank a mango smoothie, would my lips taste like mango? I should drink honey lemon tea next time. Will there be a next time? Does this mean he likes me? Oh my god, was I so drunk that I kissed him? Am I throwing myself on him? WAIT. HOLY SHIT. KIM TAEHYUNG IS KISSING ME.

It hit you.

The man you sneaked looks at for the past year was kissing you.

Your breath hitched in your throat.

Wait. N-no!

You coughed into the kiss while trying and failing to recoil back as quickly as possible.

“Oh my god, s-sorry,” you sputtered. “I just… wasn’t expecting that.”

You turned around. “Oh. Uhhh..”

Taehyung’s eyes were wide open. The little corner of his lips was slightly turned up.

Shit. He’s laughing at me. This has gotta be the most embarrassing moment of my entire 24 years of living. I have to go rant about this to Jungkook later.

“Um, I need to leave. Sorry!” You turned back around and you ran out of that room as fast as you could. One foot in front of the other, you bounded all the way to your car.

“Shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT.”

You took out your phone and called Jungkook.

Pickuppickuppleaseohmygodpickup.

“Y/n?”

“JUNGKOOK! OH MY GOD. Please pick me up I’ll explain later.”

“Y/n, what happened? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. But holy crap, Taehyung kissed me.”

“HE WHAT?”

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

“Well, did you tell him?”

“What?”

“That you like him? I mean clearly he likes you!”

“Well… no there’s more to the story. Can you just come pick me up? I’m drunk.”

“I would. But I can’t right now. These hyungs are still drunk off their ass and acting like monkeys in the dorm.”

“Please?”

“They’re crazy right now y/n. Take a cab! Come over, we can talk about it.”

“But Tae lives in your dorm.”

“Yeah. But I have my own room. You can stay over.”

“I don’t know.”

“Y/n, come on,” he whined. “I’ve missed you. You’re always studying. Come over.”

“Fine. I’ll get a cab. Ughhh kill me. As if this could get any worse.”

“I’m sure it’s all going to be okay. We should celebrate! He kissed you! YAY! BE HAPPY Y/N.”

“OKAY! I’m leaving. Bye!” “Bye!”

Silence took over. The streetlight cast a dim glow on the vacant road. A sigh escaped you.

I guess he’s right. I mean. This is what I was hoping for right?

Your mind flashed back to the incident.

But I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t you, y/n? I wonder if he knew that I was an amateur.

You shook your head in frustration.

Hey, I gotta look at the positives though. Frankly, this day couldn’t get any more embarrassing. Wait...

Footsteps broke the silence.

“Y/n, oh my gosh. Here you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Drops of sweat rolled down Taehyung’s forehead. His sleeve wiped his face as he bend down with his arm on his knee. After panting for a few seconds while you stared at him in shock, he rose up. “You’re drunk. I’m not. And cabs don’t run at this time.”

“Ah, Jungkook will pick me up! Don’t worry!”

“I already called him. He said you were going to come over to our frat.”

“Oh.”

He smiled.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it. I promise, I’m not a horrible person who’ll hate you now. If you’re thinking something along those lines, you should forget it. I… I still have a lot to say to you. But for now, I’ll give you a ride. I didn’t drunk any alcohol.”

“Ah, that’s okay! I’ll just walk to my dorm room! I’ll talk to Jungkook tomorrow.”

You started to turn around when you felt his hand clasp around yours.

“Please.”

His eyes were a drug.

They were warm and beckoning.

They were safe and comfortable.

They were…

“Okay.”

You turned around to face him.

“So where’s your car?”

                                                        …

                                                   YOONGI

“Goddamnit Jin. Is this payback for that one time I gave you acrylic stands of myself?”

“I know how to spell stand. S T A N D. Stand. P I Z Z A. Pizza. P A S T A. Pasta. I’m smart!”

“You’re a dumbass, Jin.”

“Shut up, Jungkook. I’m not the one who got a 3 on my english exam. Did you like your gift Yoongs? Yoongi? Y to the G?”

“Of course not! Here I am expecting Gucci thermal underwear and you get me your acrylic stands. I can get those for free. I’m in the same band as you idiot.”

“You could have at least pretended to like it. I would have done that. Why are you so mean to meeee?”

“Oh, stop pouting Jin. I’ll save it as a good memory of our collective dumbassery. Anyways, Jimin, it’s your turn. What did you get your beloved hyung?”

“Um… I don’t know if you’ll like it or not. But I’m giving you my heart.”

“Huh? I think you mean thermal Gucci underwear.”

“Sorry, I’m poor.”

“Hmmmmm… well. Your heart shall have to do. I accept. Thank you Park Jimin.”

“wHat THe FucK, YoONgs?”

“What?”

“Why does HE get a free pass? Atleast I actually gave you something!”

“Moving…

“but-”

“On. Namjoon, it’s yo- Oh hi Taehyung!”

                                                        …

                                                       Y/N

“Oh hi Taehyung! Y/n, you’re here too! Come. Join us! Have a seat.”

You could feel Jungkook staring at you. You felt a blush starting to climb up your neck.

“Hey, you must be drunk,” shouted Namjoon. “You’re beet red like the rest of us. What are you y/n? A lightweight? I’m a heavyweight! Let’s fight. SHOTS!”

“Y/n need’s rest right now,” butted in Jungkook. “As your best friend, I declare you to go up to my room and sleep. I’ll take the couch don’t worry! Tae go in there first and make sure it isn’t like dirty or anything.”

He looked over at you and winked.

Wow, I’m going to beat this kid up later.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. One sec y/n. Let me give Yoongi his birthday present. Then I’ll get Jungkook’s. You can go up to my room for a few minutes. It’s two down from Jungkook's to the right. I’ll call you down!”

“Okay. Thanks Tae.”

“My pleasure.”

You walked past the red plastic cups, up the stairs, and around very passed out Hobi to Jungkook’s room.

Two to the right. Ah.

After a few seconds of blindly staring, you opened the door.

The lamp cloaked the room in a muted purple. Polaroids littered the wall directly in front of you: pictures of the boys, landscapes, old stores, parties, anything and everything one could think of. Some had words written on the blank space at the bottom. Other’s were empty. Cute thumbtacks pinned galaxy themed letter paper in the empty space. A few movie posters were placed on the other walls, along with beautiful paintings that you couldn’t quite decipher. A bookshelf, a bed, a desk space and a rug made the the room feel whole.

So this is Kim Taehyung's room.  

It was a visual representation of his mind. And it was absolutely beautiful.

Your fingers trailed across the pictures as you looked around his room until you got to the window. The sill had something etched on it with what probably was a knife. Upon closer inspection, you could see what it said:                                     

                               Dreams grow here. 

What a pretty thought.

Outside the window, a part of the roof jutted out, substituting as a makeshift terrace. You could see a green beanbag out there among a few other belongings.

I wonder what else is out there in Taehyung’s dream world.

Without thinking, your fingers grasped the bottom of the window pane and pulled. A gust of wind billowed the curtains. The breeze felt nice on your face.

He isn’t here yet, and it’s probably going to take him a while to clean Jungkook’s room. That kid is messy as fuck. I’m burning up in here and I’ll get back in a minute or two. So it’s fine. Yup. It’s fine.

You had hoisted one foot out and then ducked your head under the window to the other side when you heard the dorm door creak open.

                                                        …

                                                 TAEHYUNG

Making his way out of Jungkook’s room, Taehyung headed down the hallway two doors down, making sure to stop and check his hair on the mirror hanging off of Jin’s door.

“I can’t believe I’m actually using this stupid thing,” Tae muttered to himself. His mind went back to when Jin bought this. “What? I need to be able to see my beauty everytime I walk into my room, so I can fall in love with myself more!” Taehyung giggled softly.

That hyung..

Now Taehyung stood in front of his own door.

Should I knock or something? Is that what I’m supposed to do? But what if she’s sleeping and I wake her up. I did take a while..

Deciding to just go in, he pushed open the door.

There, directly ahead of him, was y/n. She was halfway out of the window, with her back arched and her already short dress hiked up, exposing her upper thighs .

Taehyung bit his lip, feeling his face go on fire.

“Oh shit! Hi Taehyung! Hold on.”

Y/n turned her back, maneuvering herself so she could see Tae.

Fuck.

From his angle, Taehyung could see all of y/n’s curves on her petite frame. He had been pretty exhausted after the party and dealing with the boys, but he definitely wasn’t tired anymore.

“Can we go out here for a second? It’s kind of hot inside.”

Taehyung cleared his throat.

“S-sure. Yeah.”

Taehyung slipped out after y/n.

“I don’t really bring people up here much. It’s like my place to think. Clear my mind, ya know?”

“Yeah, I get that. I wish I had a place like this. It’s gorgeous out here.”

“Sit here”

Taehyung sat on the beanbag next to y/n and let the sound of wind take over as you both stared up at the stars.

                                                        …

                                                       Y/N

“I have drinks in the mini fridge, if you want.”

“YOU HAVE A MINI FRIDGE OUT HERE? THAT’S SO COOL.”

“Yeah! What do you want? I have beer, tea, and soda.”

“I’ll take some beer, please.”

I’m going to need the bravery.

“Are you sure? You were pretty drunk before.”

You smiled and rolled your eyes. “That car ride was so awkward that I became sober.”

“It’s not my fault my radio doesn’t work okay?”

You both laughed.

“So about before-”

“Can you let me get drunk before we talk about it? I have a lot I want to say too.”

“Yeah, I’ll drink with you. Cheers.”

The wind took over again as you downed the bottle.

“Okay.”

“Joon was right. You’re a lightweight.”

“Hey! I was already half drunk before before okay? So this doesn’t count. Actually nothing I say from here on out counts if  you don’t want it to.”

A rush of anxiousness flipped your stomach. You took a deep breath.

“I like you! I know you have girls that look like models who like you and I know you probably don’t like me back, and I know my world’s going to end when you reject me but I couldn’t hold i-”

“I like you too.”

“-t back any more and what?”

Didhejustsayhelikedmeohmygodwhatiwasntexpectingthiswhatdoidonow?

“I like you too.”

Imdrunkrightnowandthisisn’trealandimprobablyhallucinatingshitmymomtoldmethiswouldhappen.

“What?”

“Y/n. Come on! I kissed you for a reason. What did you think that was?”

“A drunk accidental makeout session that you would regret tomorrow.”

“Y/n. I’ve liked you ever since we started hanging out with Kook together. I thought he already told you since you guys are best friends.”

Euphoria was the closest thing to what you felt. Euphoria, along with a constant feeling of wanting to throw up, of course.

“Wait. He didn’t tell me. Wait did he tell you that I liked you?”

“No.”

“That little shit,” both of you exclaimed together.

“Damn. Who knew he was such a good secret keeper?”

“He could have told us before though,” grumbled Taehyung, pouting. “I could have done this sooner.”

“Done wha-”

Suddenly, you were interrupted my his lips crashing onto yours. Your eyes opened wide for a second, but fluttered shut as his hands cupped the nape of your neck. “You….” You relaxed your body as his lips became more gentle. Leaning forward, Taehyung pressed his body against yours, deepening the kiss. “...are so….” His hands went down to your wrists. Before you knew it, he had you pinned down under him. His eyes roamed all over you hungrily. “...fucking gorgeous….”

For a quick moment, his face softened. “You’re art. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Just kiss me, you idiot.”

You lifted your lips up to his.

He broke it.

“But….”

“Climb back through that window.”

“Huh?” “Go to the damn bed y/n.”

“Has anyone told you that you that you’re really hot when you’re horny?”

“Hahah look who’s getting confident.”

“Listen about that first kiss, I was really unprepared and like-”

“Do I look like I care about the first kiss right now y/n?”

“Noted.”

You put one of your legs through the window. You heard a moan behind you.

You turned around. “What?”

“Oh my fucking god, I need you right now.”

“Well then, I’m going to take my time.”

Taehyung groaned. “Why are you doing this to me?”

You felt a knot start to form in your stomach.

Hurrying through the window, you took off your heels and fell backwards onto the bed.

Taehyung scrambled through the window, never taking his gaze off of you.

“You’re finally mine.”

                                                        …

Sunlight filtered through the curtains, covering you in a white haze. Feeling groggy, you carefully opened your eyes. Your head was pounding.

God, I must have a lot to drink yesterday night.

Lifting your head up, you rapidly blinked.

This isn’t my room. Oh wait. Bunny poster. It’s Kooks. Phew.

“Wakey wakey, sunshine!”

“Jungkook! Oh god bless. For a second, I got scared I hooked up with someone or something.”

Jungkook smiled. “Nothing of the sort. You just stayed over in my room.”

“Is she awake yet?”

Taehyung peeked into the room as you lifted the covers above your head. “What the heck is he doing here? Pretend I’m asleep,” you whispered to Jungkook.

“I can hear you y/n. And what do you mean what am I doing here? Don’t you remember?”

“Fuck. I knew I shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. What did I do now? Wait, let me think for a second. The last thing I remember is….”

“Joon was right. You’re a lightweight.” 

“I like you too.” 

“That little shit!”

You looked over to Jungkook, with your mouth agape. “You lied to me.”

Jungkook laughed. “I told you you’d end up sleeping with him.”

“Oh my god, Tae get out of here.”

“Not a chance, y/n.”

“Jungkook, my god. You were playing both of us, I swear to god.”

“Hey hey hey. I’m the one that got you guys together okay? If I hadn’t left you two alone, you’d have never done it. Gosh, both of you were always whining so much about how much you liked each other.”

You blushed. Taehyung scratched the back of his neck. “Yah, maknae. Don’t forget. I’m older than you.”

“Anyways, now it’s your turn. Set me up on a blind date with one of your hot friends. Thank you! Oh, also, breakfast is ready. Everyone in this frat is a drunk mess other than me and hyung. I’m going to leave you two alone now. Have a heart to heart or do whatever you want, but please, for god’s sakes, don’t fuck on my bed.”

“JUNGKOOK,” you and Taehyung both shouted at the same time.

“Get out of here, you punk,” said Tae, jokingly swatting at him.

The door clicked shut behind him.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“How are you, y/n? You feel okay?”

“What do you think?”

“I bought you some aspirin and water.”

You laughed. “Thank you.”

You looked at each other for a few seconds. “You don’t-”

“Will you-”

“Hahah, you can go first,” Taehyung said.

“You don’t regret last night? Everything that happened?”

“Never.”

A bright smile lit up your face. “Your turn.”

“Y/n. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Say yes,” came a muffled response from out of the door.

“JUNGKOOK!”

#YOU- GO SEND ME AN ASK DONT BE SHY #bts #fanfiction #bts fanfic #taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #jungkook #jimin #jin #jhope #yoongi #rap monster #namjoon #hoseok #suga #bangtan #writing #smut #fluff #best friend #fratboy! #au #bts x reader #bts x you #text #text post

[zookeep15]

So most people know I am leaving the zoo field.

I know.

It’s crazy.

And right now my life is a whirl of sad thoughts, what ifs, and an overall sense of “why am I doing this?” since my last day is Tuesday. It’s oh so easy to forget the dumpster fire that has led me here when I’ve had a good couple of weeks due to lack of fucks to give anymore.

Well sit tight kids as I drop a truth bomb on the nature of the zoological industry.

First. Let me say that up until about two years ago I LOVED my job. Like head over heels in love with the position. Had very few bad days, grew quickly as a trainer and keeper, and found myself surrounded by people who seemed to share the same enthusiasm I had.

Everything was great. I was living in my “dream job”. That’s right. My DREAM. JOB. The ultimate career. The top of the top. Starting at age 22.

(Hashtag blessed am I right?) *IM NOT RIGHT*

But I started to notice a trend. Over the last few years, I’ve watched person, after person, after person who I have loved and respected pick up their things, close the door and say goodbye (okay some were pushed out the door and some needed a swift kick in the ass out the door but I digress.)

I didn’t get it. How could someone leave this job? It’s a dream right? I was told I was LUCKY to have this job. So lucky that in fact there were twenty more people just like me that could replace me in the blink of an eye. I should be grateful for whatever they give me because I am LUCKY to have this job. There might not be some great things but if I work REALLY hard they’re bound to notice and make those problems and not great things go away right?

*pause for laughter at that naive notion*

I mean sure... the pay is literally the worst considering I’m required to have a four year science degree and two years paid experience to get a part time job at the zoo, and my work environment is a literal and figurative mine field that is exhausting to navigate daily, and my boss is a manipulative micro manager that refuses to listen to any of the staff members, and I spend my entire day manually laboring for 13$ an hour and come home emotionally and physically exhausted so much so that every relationship that I’ve been in has crumbled because I have nothing left to give, and I spend my weekends in a state of depression because I have to catch up on sleep but sleeping too long is bad but I’m so tired and I just cant catch up, and I can’t save money because I’m already living paycheck to paycheck with my parents helping me every month, and I work over a thousand programs a year and no one seems to want to reward that even when you go in and ask for a raise because ten cents IS NOT A FUCKING RAISE and you ask and get told “that’s not in the budget” but hiring two new worthless VPs (to bring that grand total up to 17) whose starting salary is 100 grand is, and you can never actually grow here because even if your supervisor left you’d only make two dollars more an hour and be expected to work ten times harder with more responsibility and have everything get blamed on you, and no one can help you with continuing education or professional development because “it’s not in the budget” but ordering 65$ worth of ceramic “stations” was because they felt like it, and sometimes questionable decisions get made regarding welfare and you can’t say anything at all because youre boss has no interest at all in your opinion if it doesn’t agree with theirs and if you voice that opinion they go talk about you behind your back to other coworkers, and you’re expected to do more, and more, and more, and more and....

Wait a second.

Why does all of that not align with what I want in life? Why is my dream suddenly not what I thought it’d be? Why did everyone tell me “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” which is absolute bull shit because ITS STILL WORK AND WORK SUCKS SOMETIMES.

What do I love about zoo keeping you might ask? The animals. They’re incredible. Those training breakthroughs? I’d rank it somewhere between eating the best coconut cream pie you’ve had and a decent orgasm. And those programs I get to do? Occasionally there’s one that just reminds me how important it is for kids to see these kinds of things. And I will immediately be the most interesting person in almost any bar I walk into because I am a zookeeper.

But at the end of the day, I’m a 26 year old woman. Who is not making enough money to support herself. Who doesn’t have the time to do the things she loves outside of zookeeping. Who had an identity crisis when she finally decided this is not the dream she dreamed.

So Tuesday. My last day. I’m sad. Of course I’m sad those animals have a piece of my soul forever.

But man am I ready to be able to see my family. To have weekends. To have time off. To make a livable wage. To have a life outside of my job.

I won’t recommend zookeeping to the average person. Because the lifestyle that comes with it is borderline unhealthy if you don’t navigate it perfectly. And I know that might come as a surprise to some people but the zoo field has a serious problem that is not looking to be fixed anytime soon. And so I won’t tell other people to make that their life.

For those that follow me and are zookeepers I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I would never want you to think that I am shitting all over your job that you continue to love and do. You’re circumstances are hopefully vastly different than mine! I hope your boss is wonderful and treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope your zoo offers livable wages and good cost of living raises. I hope your voice is heard and listened too. And I hope you’re dream stays true to what you thought it’d be! But just know that if the day comes that you find this post to be describing your situation? Don’t panic. You will be alright.

All those thoughts of “you quitter. You failure. You giver-upper of dreams and letdown to all those who say “you have the coolest job ever!”” ARE WRONG.

I’m going to say that again.

THOSE THOUGHTS. ARE. WRONG.

You magnificent human being who chased down their dream of a zookeeper. Who achieved the goal they set out on and grew and learned and prospered. You son of a bitch you did it.

You lived your dream. And hopefully it was a good dream for as long as it could be. And then. Once you achieved your goals. You found another dream. A new horizon. A bigger adventure. You successful, wonderful human being. Life is too short to stand still, afraid to run headfirst down a new path that could end in a cliff, and stay rooted knowing that if you stand still you can’t fall.

Because if you do that, you will never. EVER. fly.

Go fly my friends. Take flight and believe that your life is a wonderful adventure only defined by the limits you put there yourself. Take the leap of faith into the great unknown for what lies on the other side might define your life.

So. Tuesday. May 15th. I’ll see you in the skies.

Thanks for listening tumblr friends (if any of you ACTUALLY made it this far down kudos 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼)

*end emotional zoo rant that ended in philosophical motivational speaking*

#zookeeperlife #truth #rant over #newadventures #behappy #valueyourself #reality #are these corny yet? #asking for a friend #startover #leapoffaith

[alippy711]

Falling Away With You Ch.3

Alright here is chapter 3. I have been working on the ending to this for legit months and rushed it today because the 6th graders I'm subbing for are off the wall. 

Warnings: Just the usual swearing. 

************************

Chapter Three- My Favorite Swede

From the day I met David we had this incredible connection, an undeniable chemistry. I fell hard and fast for him and it terrified me. David lived in a completely different world than me but most of the time that didn’t matter. When we met I was your average 26-year-old trying to figure out my place in the world. I was finishing up grad school and working towards landing a job teaching history. Where David’s life was exciting and flashy mine was normal and boring. At only 20-years old he was a rising NHL star living in an exciting city like Boston where he was able to capitalize on all the benefits that came with being a professional athlete.

We met in November of 2016 putting him at the start of his season while I was venturing into my last year of grad school and despite our hectic schedules we became pretty inseparable. From the first time we went out I knew I was a goner. He won me over instantly. Im pretty sure I would have said yes to a marriage proposal the first time I laid eyes on him, but that’s neither here nor there. David’s the type of person that consumes you. He draws you in, making you crave more while never getting enough. He had this way about him, a swagger if you will, but not in an arrogant way. His swagger was this happy carefree confidence that hooked me from the moment I talked to him. He was my beautiful Czech storm that took me by surprise and changed my life forever.

Unfortunately for me we did differ on one big thing, relationships. From the very beginning we both knew we had something special, but David was 20 and what 20-year-old hot shot NHL player wants to be tied down to one girl? Not too many. Despite our obvious connection he wasn’t really in the market for a serious relationship, while I on the other hand had always been the relationship type. I was a one guy type of girl, but when it came to David he could usually get me to agree to almost any scenario. Fast-forward a year later and here we are, glorified friends with benefits.

David had always been clear about what he wanted, there was never a time when he led me to believe we were more. He knew he had the freedom to do what he wanted with whomever he wanted, but he knew once he really started to stray our benefits would end. I had too much respect for myself to become one of many girls he was sleeping with and he knew that. To some our arrangement might sound ridiculous, but we had a connection that neither of us were willing to give up so we made a compromise. It wasn’t the most ideal situation but I had fallen too hard for the sweet Czech boy with an accent that warmed my heart to care about any future repercussions. Looking back, I know this was a recipe for disaster, and by disaster I mean total and utter heartbreak. Deep down I knew it would come to a head, but I had been holding out hope that things would change and David would want to commit.

****

Today was the day. Game one of two home games being played against Toronto that I circled on the calendar since before the season started. Playing Toronto meant one very exciting thing, William Nylander would be in the building playing opposite David and I couldn’t fucking wait. Willy and David met years ago when David moved to Sweden to play in the SHL and they had been close ever since. Unfortunately, we weren’t meeting up with Willy before the game due to David’s superstition stemming from last season’s game. We had gone to dinner with him the night before the game so I could meet him and the next day the Leafs kicked our ass and Willy scored a hat trick, so this time I have to settle with a five-minute chat after the game.

“You are entirely too hype for this game” My younger sister Addie said looking up from her studying as I skipped into my living room.

“Well I’ve been looking forward to this game all season” I rolled my eyes at her plopping down on the couch across from her.

“All season? It’s barely a month in...” she said sarcastically.

“Fine, I’ve been looking forward to it since they released the schedule months ago.” I said mocking her tone. She just shook her head and went back to whatever homework she was doing.

Addison was the youngest of us as she turned 22 in August and was in her last year of undergrad at Boston University. She had a place in Boston but could usually be found at Matt and I’s place at least once a week and tonight she would be my plus one at the game since Sam, Matts fiancé, had to work.

“Are you almost done? I’m starving and we have to leave early enough so I can see warm-ups” I whined watching her make the millionth note card of the night. She sighed, put her pencil down and shot me a look.

“You’re fucking ridiculous, but yes, that was my last one. Just give me like 15 minutes to get ready” she said putting her stuff in her bag. I smiled and hopped up from my spot taking the stairs two at a time as I went to get ready.

“Ad is my outfit acceptable for you?” I called out into the hallway.

“Yes. Basically anything is acceptable that you wouldn’t wear to work” she remarked not looking at the outfit I had laying on my bed. I was tempted to tell her about the work outfit David liked, but figured I would spare her the details.

“Good, the bodysuit is new, I waited to wear it tonight” I smiled over at her and her eyes grew wide when she finally looked at the outfit.

“Wait that’s a bodysuit!? Oh my god. I’m so proud of you Ash!” She patronized patting my shoulder.

“You are a bitch. Figured I would try something new” I said referencing the long sleeve black bodysuit with a low strappy V-neck that I paired with my favorite black skinny jeans and black booties. I went into my closet and grabbed my long tan cardigan outfit to break up all the black.

*********

"Which one is Willy?" Addie asked as the Leaf players filtered onto the ice.

"The incredibly gorgeous Swede" I said matter of factly.

"Sooo that would be number…?" She asked eyeing me. I released a short laugh before answering her.

“29, right there" I smiled pointing to Willy as he skated past us after sending a shot on net.

"Mmm he is beautiful" Addie mused following his movements along the ice.

"Damn Swedes, they're all beautiful. It's honestly not fair that an entire country can produce such gorgeous human beings"

Addie quirked an eyebrow shooting me a you’re-fucking-weird look, one I was very familiar with and I just laughed. We watched the Leafs for few minutes before switching sides so I could watch David for a minute before warm-ups ended.

"Ki you're here!" Addie squealed as we walked into our section. I laughed watching her race over to Charlie McAvoy's girlfriend engulfing her in a hug like they hadn't seen each other in years. Yet I'm sure it had only been days as they both went to BU.

"There you two are, I was wondering where you disappeared too." Kiley said making her way over to me and pulling me into a quick embrace.

"This one had to go down and watch warm-ups."

Addie shot an eye roll in my direction as we settled into our seats. We chatted with Kiley for a bit until Peyton, Ryan Spooner’s girlfriend got there. Peyton was from Ryan’s hometown in Ottawa so she was only in town some weekends, this being one of them.

"So anything new with you and Pasta?" Peyton preyed dropping into the seat next to me as she sipped her wine.

"Nope, same shit different day"                                                      

“Well hang in there, girl. I know he cares for you and I really believe he will come to realize that he can’t be without you.” She placed her hand on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze to go along with her warm smile.

“Thanks Peyt, I appreciate that”

“And if he doesn’t I will give him a world of shit and make his life hell” She flashed a devious smile as I laughed. If there was one thing I loved most about Peyton it was her feistiness.  

“That is something he definitely doesn’t want to deal with”

When the game started our group settled into a silence as we took in the game our only comments being directed at what was happening on the ice.

Unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t what we were hoping as the boys lost 4-1. David played pretty well but couldn't cash in on any goals, same went for Willy and considering his luck last season it seemed that David’s decision to not meet up sort of helped, as Willy didn't score.

Once the game ended I hightailed it to where I would meet the guys even though it would be awhile before they came out. I had enough to keep me busy with a few weeks before my last grad paper was due. Addie left after the game to head back to her dorm leaving me and the other girls. I took my MacBook from my bag, plugged in my headphones, started playing some Florence + The Machine and pulled up my paper and went to work.

I was pulled from my trance when someone grabbed my shoulder causing me to jump a foot off the chair where I was sitting. I looked up and saw David in front of me laughing his ass off. I shook my head placing my hand over my heart and paused my music, before closing the laptop and dropping it back into my bag.

“You are such a jerk, you scared the shit out of me.” I scoffed feeling my racing heart in my chest. He had his hands on his knees as he continued to laugh at my expense.

“Im sorry, you didn’t see me I had no choice”

He shrugged his shoulders trying to stifle a laugh. I looked around room taking notice that it was nearly full as the majority of the players had exited the locker room. It was surprising that I didn’t notice him, but not unlike me.

“Oh of course.” I said rolling my eyes. “sorry about the loss, now where is my favorite Swede?” I said excitedly looking out into the hallway.

“Thanks, said he would be out in a minute” David answered looking down at his phone. “We can head out in the hall to meet him.”

He placed a hand on my lower back guiding me out of the room and out into the hallway. He dropped his bag on the floor then pulled out his phone to send off a message.

“Hey, don’t I get a proper hello?” I asked stepping up to him placing my hands on his chest.

“Of course you do” He smiled down at me sliding his phone into his back pocket before placing both hands on my hips to pull me close. I raised myself up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck as his lips met mine and I melted into him. When we pulled away I had to lay my head on his chest to gather myself.

“I missed you today”

His voice tickled my ear sending chills down my body. I lifted my head from his chest and looked up to find that goofy smile plastered on his face. That smile made my heart skip a beat every time. It was those two chipped teeth of his that made his goofy smile even better.

“Well aren’t you two just adorable”

I poked my head around David’s body to find Willy standing a few feet behind us looking like a snack with a bright smile on his face as he watched us. I let out a small squeal as I all but pushed past David making my way towards Willy who had his arms open ready for my hug.

“It’s so good to see you Will” I spoke pulling out of our embrace.

“You two Ash, you look lovely tonight”

I blushed at his compliment as I stepped back to admire him in the perfectly tailored grey suit he was wearing.

“Right back at ya” I said with a wink as David finally joined us.

“Alright you two, calm down” He rolled his eyes and the two guys had a quick embrace and exchanged greetings.

“Baby face Nylander, I can’t get over the clean shave” I teased reaching out to pinch one of his cheeks causing him to blush.

“Aww yeah, Babs likes us clean cut and clean shaved” Willy shrugged.

“Thank god Cassidy doesn’t have that rule.”

“Why?” David questioned from beside me.

“There’s no way I could sleep with you clean shaven. I would be too afraid I would get hauled off to jail because you look like a child.”

Willy broke out into his signature laugh and it was probably one of the greatest sounds I have ever heard and very contagious as I joined him. While David scowled from beside me.

“I don’t look thatyoung” He attempted to defend himself but Will stepped in.

“Dude you do. If you shave and cut your hair short you absolutely look younger than Alex”

Will and I laughed as he huffed and gave up.

“On another note you both played well! I especially liked when you took each other out” I noted referring to a puck battle where both guys ended up strewn across the ice.

“Well someone took me out first, so I just returned the favor.” Will eyed David who chuckled lightly.

“Yeah my bad.”

“Hey pasta come here a minute” David and I turned around to where a teammate was beckoning him.

“Be right back”

“So how are things between you two?” Willy asked once David was out of ear shot. I let out a sigh as he watched me intently waiting for my answer.

“Were good, in the same place we were when I saw you this summer” I shrugged and looked over my shoulder to make sure David was still occupied.

“Hey, stick with him, yeah?” He placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him.

“I’ve known him awhile Ash, he likes you, a lot. I know it’s hard, but you just have to be patient with him. He’s young and still needs to figure out what he wants.”

“Will, you’re literally 24 days older than him” He laughed again and nodded. “but thank you, that means a lot coming from you”

“Trust me, if he screws this up with you ill fight him on the ice, now come here”

He reached out and took my arm to pull me into a tight embrace.

“Fuck Willy I walk away for five minutes and you’re stealing my girl?”

“Sorry Pasta, she needs an older man”

I let out a loud laugh as the two bantered back and forth for a few more minutes while I stood back watching them interact. It was a shame they didn’t see each other very much during the season as they were always entertaining to be around.  

#david pastrnak imagine #david pastrnak #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #william nylander #falling away with you fic

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

#love exposing myself to people on the internet #hot

[strawberryspeachy]

I wonder if im about to get fired again

Last year i got fired because a teacher who acted like he wanted to be my friend hated when I reciprocated that want.

Ive worked with about 55 other teachers since him and none of them

Ask about my weekend every week. Ask about my friends. Ask about my personal life. Stare at me in the office. Lean over me and touch me. Come look through my folder that im holding to just point out the paper im looking for (they just offer me a new one if they think i dont have it)

But. I was totally stalking him. And got fired.

Now im working at 2 schools

One with 4/5 horrible teachers

The other with 4/5 wonderful teachers

At the horrible teacher school one has been (and i dont say this about people often. Actually ever. I assume ppl hate me... but this woman has bee - well)

K so i made a newsletter for the schools. The good school put it out for the students and that was that. The bad school told me i could distribute it. So i asked this teacher where

She took me into the hallway and showed me a board. She told me to put the papers on those walls. And then she gave me pins. So i did.

Then she told my company i put papers up without permission

Ive worn the same clothes to all 7 schools ive worked at plus two camps. Never got a complaint. Until now. She complained about my skirt and socks

She said in a fly away statement when i started that because were teachers we cant travel because of corona and must stay home - it irriated me because i clearly understood that she was telling me that i need to stay home when im not working. Fuck that! But i just agreed with her. Her first question after my summer break was “you had a long vacation, did you go anywhere”

She asked in a happy voice - pretending that was wanted to hear about something exciting. But. Bitch i have a good memory. I told her i mostly stayed home and only went to a nearby town.

K so like. Thing is. She knows im probably lying (cause im young and not from this country. No one would stay home for a month) so the way she responded was kinda pissed off that she cant prove me wrong or report me or anything - then in the middle of class she asked about my housemates

1) i have no control over them

2) your first question was already invasive and this is stupid

3) youve asked me a question that i cant answer correctly. If i say i dont know youll say i might have corona because my housemates probably brought it home. If i say they went out - same thing. If i say they stayed home - another obvious lie. I told her that they are all students and had class so I think they were home. Again. She was annoyed by this answer

She constantly makes side remarks about “foregners”

She wont translate the questions that students ask her to ask me - and when i understand them and answer she acts flustered and annoyed

Shes bad at english and writes shit incorrectly - gives it to me to cold read - then gets mad when i trip over shit thats written incorrectly

She changed the song early last month because I liked it

She talks to me like im a clown hindering the class - walking over and telling me (a person standing quietly waiting for instruction) that now the students must study - the way a parent would tell a 7 year old not to bother the sleeping dog.

I TRIED to have a normal conversation with her because she seemed to be trying and i felt bad. She said it was hot and cold off and on and told me what temperature it would he the next day in celcius. I just said oh. And felt the tention. So i tried to ease it by chuckling and telling her “sorry. You know how america uses Fahrenheit? I dont really understand celcius.” She immediately —- wait hold on

This school makes us write down our temperature in the morning as though that does ANYTHING to stop corona - they dont even check - she harrassed me upon walking in the door to WRITE DOWN MY TEMPERATURE

—- k so no. No easy conversation. She immediately got serious and went how do you understand celcius for your body temperate then??? I told her i convert it.

A couple periods late she inturrupted another teacher talking to me about class and stopped me from going to class to ask me ‘if you dont know celcius how do you write your temperature down in the morning?!?’’ I told her i have a japanese thermometer and just write down what it says. Then she tried to play if off and chuckled like - oh ha i was just wondering. Whats the difference (her face was like enraged before that btw) she asked what the average temperature in Fahrenheit is and i quickly spit out 98.6 while grabbing my book to leave for the class i was now running late for

Shes full on feuding with a boy who “CANT SPEAK JAPANESE” and is “NOT JAPANESE” she tried not to bitch but also bitch about him to me - through this i learned that his mom is Australian. He was born in Japan. Also if her english didnt suck so much she would know that hes not fluent in english

She like the other teachers ask me questions that they dont want answers to. And sometimes is not even just - i wanna write this sentence wrong - does it make sense

No. It doesnt (correct answer- anything you write is correct. Dont worry. Dont ask me. Your perfect)

A couple weeks ago she told me that the song the other teacher chose is a japanese song that was translated into english. She asked it its gramattically correct. I told her that songs dont need to be grammatically correct so its fine. Then she asked me if it makes sense. I told her that its a bit vague but its fine.

She didnt know what vague meant. She asked me to write it down so she could look it up later. Not sure how she took that as an insult but Im sure she did.

And the song is vague. Id figured out that it was a song that was either written for a weird tv show or translated from something else before she even told me

Shes always late for class. She doesnt even leave for class until the bell rings. If she walks in and i was talking with the students - she looks highly uncomfortable - so ive stopped talking to them before she arrives

She wont let them ask me questions. Only her (these past two points go for the other crappy teachers too)

She cant make up her mind whether she wants me to say hello first or her. She cant make up her mind on what she wants me to read or whether she wants me to stop at commas or read full paragraphs or what - and she gets annoyed when i cant read her mind avout it —the others do this too

She reads sentences she wrote (incorrectly) out loud even more wrong - but apparently (going from her face) even though she doesnt know the word for fucking SENTENCES - and calls them “englishes” she heard me add the s to a word that should have been plural but she wrote as singular. She never says the fucking plurals or adds them where they shouldnt - but of course she heard my quick slip of adding an s onto a fucking word

- which really just shows thats she pays way more attention trying to find me doing something wrong than literally ANYTHING ELSE she does

Theres more. Im tired. And so very stressed. Tomorrow i have a meeting after school which i told my company rhat if they want my time they should pay me for it and told them theyre welcome to come to my schools (the one i like and normally can he stress free and get home early from) station

They made up bs as to why they can pay others but not me but did say theyre gonna come to the station

Last tome with the fucking “hanging stuff up without permission” i was of couse told i was in the wrong (BECAUSE JAPANESE CAN DO NO WRONG) and forced to say that i need to communicate better 3 times

Howd i start this? Watch me get fired? Yea i was fired on like the 23rd last year. Watch me get fucking fired again - for again. One racist ass peice of shit teacher

“Well you just gotta suck it up and accept where you are on the food chain” k look. Do you know how much easier and less stressed id be if i was able to do that?! I just. CANT ok. I refuse to think that i am less of a person than any other person. People can treat me that wat and do all they want. But i refuse to think that i am lesser. I am a person. And if i have to respect them they should respect me. Its a reciprocal fucking thing i cant fucking kiss ass

I lived in a house with a woman who wanted me to kiss her ass - and i basically chose not to be treated like a dormat and pike she was my lord. And thus got mentally and emptionally abused for 24 years.

I cant fucking kiss ass. I can be polite. But i cant kiss fucking ass dude. I just cant

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 2:

HOH: KRISTINE

EVICTED: NICKY (WALKED)

JESS:

Kristine being in power scares me shitless. I know I haven't exactly been the MOST social person in this game and I've been very UTR the last couple of days/ non existent but I always felt like I was good with Kristine. I don't know? I thought we talked a good bit at least in comparison to others.... but then after she won I called her the HBIC and homegirl told me she loved my ass kissing. That HOHITIS is real with this one ladies. I offered up my services as a potential person to work with moving forward and she ignored my offer. She literally swerved me. Straight up IGNORED me and focused on what I said about not being social. So there is a good chance I'm going up and if I don't go up it isn't because Kristine doesn't want it.. it'll probably be because others don't want it. At least I hope? I'm trying NOT to go into crisis mode on the second HOH but... old habits die hard? I think that's the quote? I think if I had to write a "trust list" for this game.. honestly.. I'm feeling really good about Kori. I THINK we could go far together and we'd balance out each other well. Obviously he's a good player and I'm going to need that on my side moving forward. Eve is obviously my #1 right now but it'd be naive on me not to believe that others aren't saying the same about her. I really like Andrew but we don't talk game? But I guess I can improve on that? Those are the 3 people I'm vibing with right now. 

KORI:

Ok so at this point I'm not entirely sure if I made a DR entry earlier or not, I planned on making a video but at this point it'd just get too long. Rehder going unanimously is STILL a meme to me but here we are. Kristine winning HoH was honestly alright for me because I feel like she and I have a reasonably good relationship. Though I'm not sure it could ever be something long term because she's likely working with people I have no desire to work with. (Dem, Chris, Brien, those guys.) Emma and I had a serious talk about long term what we wanna do about Eve since we seem pretty in agreement that the current dynamic is Jess and Mackenzie are Eve's Top 2 Bitches, and we're like probably the Bottom 2 Bitches. Personally I think the best time for Eve to go is like F7ish but obviously we need more time for things to progress to see where we sit. I think longterm the Mandela Monocles are a better alliance for me since I think I could sit next to Austin OR Silence and win. I just can't sit next to Gwen who I really think just has a better personality than me. With Kristine nominating Madison it... isn't really ideal for me, but Madison is also pretty isolated at this point. While we have that Mitten Connection, if she is lacking any connection with others in this game I can't go dragging my feet for her... That being said, I think eliminating Nicky this round, would not be like... the WORST thing ever. It'd just be a question of convincing Gwen that it's a good idea. Though the harder thing would be convincing others that keeping Madison is a good idea. While I like her, I'm not sure it's in my best interest to leave tracks trying to keep her in the game. Obviously it's gonna depend on how Veto goes, if noms stay the same I might push a little for a Nicky boot and see what happens, but if it's not gonna happen I'll just cut my losses. (Though with Nicky doing his thing he seems likely to dig his own grave.)

AUSTIN:

I am feeling very comfortable this week. I’m in the power trap alliance with Chris, Kristine, Dem, and Emma. I’m also in the Mandela Monocles alliance with Gwen, Silence, and Kori. Kristine is currently HoH so I don’t think she will put me on the block. I have suspicions that Emma is working with Eve because when we were playing the HoH competition, Emma refused to take Eve out. I’m just glad that one of my alliances is in power.

KRISTINE:

Love the alliance. So happy I won HOH and got to be in power. The veto comp didn’t go as well as planned tbh. I’m sooo upset that I didn’t do as well as I wanted I was up at 200 something and then lost it all over a very stupid roll. But it’s fine whether I win this or not I know I’ll get my way. Nicky is going home, let’s just hope he doesn’t win HOH. Don’t ever argue with the HOH when you’re the one on the block LOL!!!

NICKY:

CAN I LIVE? Can i fucking live? there are 16 other people in this and yet i got nommed for a stupid reason yet again. 

WILLIAM:

I'm so glad I escaped this week without being nominated!!! I feel so much better this week than last week! At the end of last week I thought for sure I was gonna leave pre-jury but now I feel like I've made so many real connections and I feel like I am in a great spot with many people

ANDREW:

episode 2 This could be super naive of me to say and a little cocky and i know it 100% IS but i feel like almost everyone in this game loves me besides nicky, i think im just playing a really good social game im scared of eve for some reason i feel like she is the only person possibly playing a better game than me. just get those competitive af vibes from her, i will not go after her unless she comes for me doe. shes super cute tho love her vibes, and I think me and Jess formed and alliance just now As of now Austin Jess and Chris are my top 3 in that order Update: I love Eve, we had an emotional heart to heart about STUFF, ill never forget it and i appreciate her for it so much, even if we don't end up being on the same side in this game together, the bitch is dope. I fucking love these noms dude, my 2 least favorite people sittingpretty on the block and i had nothing to do with it. HORNY cuz they wont even be coming for me. I hope nicky fucking bombs veto. "i cant talk to all 16 of u at once" ya....nobody fuckin asked you too but kristines point is sometimes a simple HELLO can save u from being nominated But regardless im proud of her and her tatse. * has one mixed drink and suddenly wants to fight nicky for no reason * oops i apologized to him and i didn’t even read anything from last night after what i said bc embarrassment. idc if he accept my apology, just wanted to throw it out there so i don’t look like a total douche

CHRIS:

Well week Number two and I’m in two separate alliances, have House majority, close with a few women, beyond the game have final choose with multiple people, should not be on the block for a long time, while slowly running this game behind the scenes with Myself. This backseat life is the best life

GWEN:

Hiiii. So looks like Nicky is going home tonight. He kind of dug his own grave. He was such a party pooper during our house game on Friday. Sooo. Yeah. I’m closest with Kori and Chris - getting closer to Chris for sure. What is it with me and Chris’s in ORGs? I need to get back to work. That is all for now :)

MACKENZIE:

i really gotta uhhhhh try harder bc i feel on the lowest end of the Entire Totem Pole. i feel like if i won smthn that would change but i’m a flop so

DEM:

I actually would have kept Nicky if he had the numbers. I wish he didn't quit. I think he messed up by throwing names around, because some people actually wanted to keep him...

EMMA:

if u cant handle the heat nicky why did u sign up.. quitting is worst then getting evicted.

TAWNI:

Ok since I was out of it last round time for my cast assessment now. Since this was due prior to Nicky quitting I’ll include him Nicky - I forgot he existed week one. Actually sad he quit and was gonna leave cause he was entertaining arguing with Kristine Gwen - I love Gwen. She allows me to not be the official grandma of the game. She is very sociable which is scary. But I think I can trust her. Austin - automatically meh about him cause of his name. Pretty forgettable honestly. Mackenzie - nice gal. Nothing negative to say. Haven’t talked much. Jess - the person I’m most terrified of. When I realized she is THE boojess like fuck me. I’m scared. I feel like as long as I don’t get on her bad side I’m good. William - seems like a good kid. Kristine - I’m v intimidated by her. She won hoh and veto and seems like a very smart player. She makes me nervous. Silence - who???? Brien- ok this kid. I’m doing what I can to get him to trust me. I know he is a loyal person. But am I the person he is loyal to? Or is it someone else? How do I make sure I am that person? Dem - nothing really to say MADISON - I love her sooooooooo much. She’s like the light of my life honestly and if I find out something different I’m gonna cry. Like I feel like a betrayal from her will hurt the most in this game. Andrew - okay first off......damn. I’m aware of his sexual orientation but boy sent me a photo so I could see his tattoos and DAMN!!! I need me a straight one of him. But he is a fun character I like him. Chris - I think I freaked him out when I sent him a long message about how I’m scared of cops. But I didn’t go up week one so that happened. I’m hoping I can work my way into his good graces later. Emma - seems like a sweet gal. I enjoy her. Kori - nothing to say sorry

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 5: "I just can't believe I did 4 hours of calls for a tribal that literally didn't happen." - Ali

THIS IS UNETHICAL. WE PREPARED FOR THE MOST CRACKED TRIBAL IN HISTORY AND DIDN'T EVEN GO SAKJLDFAFF.

in other news, i think benj flipped and honestly good for him! i think its smart, mitch, michael and noah are all messes. i'm feeling SO much better about my spot in the game, like we can hopefully keep voting JJ till we go to a tribal, and I can start trying to build those cross-tribe connections YAY. 

in other news, MO IS DOING SO GOOD I THINK! like i think he doesn't like me anymore after the last time i hosted him, but i'm super super proud of him for doing his thing this season yay yay!

i just can't believe i did 4 hours of calls for a tribal that literally didn't happen, I'm truly screaming... now the test is how long it takes JJ to find out EEEEEK.

IM SORRY. Excuse me but IM SORRY. Why do people keep targeting me. LIKE HELLO IM NICE. Plus I think I'm being pretty genuine. Thank god for Benj, my social game is coming IN HARD. Mitch and Michael totally bold faced lied to me. Mitch even said that he wanted us to be strong together, BUT right after tribal he was said "I must say I'm really sorry."  OOOOOOF STrong OOOF

What's on my mind you ask? The fact that budva won the challenge when the lyrics didnt match what they were lip syncing OOP

but also Serious confessional time woop woop! For starters, I fricked up HARDCORE. First thing i said is that i would target Noah if we ever went to tribal and what do i do? Yeah, lets go for Caleb :D. Tribal Lines. REEEE! Now all of the og doormentors dont trust me which is just great (woohooo)!!!! Big rip to my g Noah. I actually thought we might have had something going if we just won immunity but things happen. We were so robbed in the music video challenge ugh (looks at hosts who arent named alyssa or nicole). Anywhoooo yeah despite me lying to half of the people here, they all like me well enough so i dont think im going anywhere anytime soon. Im a social icon so be ready for more of meeeeeeeee

Soooo..... that happened

It was kinda lucky I was in a movie for 2 hours after the deadline so I didn't have to face immediate backlash lmao but there wasn't that much, mitch was pretty chill about it what a king, if I can help it id want it to be Michael next over him, speaking of Michael he hasn't talked to me about it or much before so we shall see where that goes...

Our video was ROBBED even with the penalty

I love the other 4 and I hope they don't end up fucking me over... hehe

I bet the other budvas on the other tribe are wondering who flipped JKFJS

But ya I just hope we can win cuz if we keep losing its bound to be me eventually but I feel like doing this if I make merge def gives me more options than others cuz ill have these 4 og greens who now trust me and then my old friends from budva who I didn't betray like ali and ian who im excited to reunite with

so ya we will see how it works out !

I told Alex lol

It has been a HOT minute.

First of I can’t believe punctuality defeated Alex. I am shook. I deadass thought we were gonna lose. Like on call with Tom he jokingly mentioned that what if we actually won immunity amidst all the scheming, plotting and lying that has happened this round. I am just blown away. And now Noah is gone and presumably someone from OG budva flopped? I’m thinking it’s Mitch tho hmmm. Kinda hoping Benj is safe!!

On another note tho, like here’s some interesting tea!!  *insert sc of convo with Tom I sent hehehehe* (Johnny note: ^ you can ask ian about this idk what hes talkin about)

Like Omg JJ would have been 100% going if we went to tribal?? There was going to be no revote because Jules, Tom and presumably Evan flipped at the last minute. I am screaming!! Ali really got through to Jules making it look that JJ is a hot crazy mess. Like I am just screaming tbh. I love OG Budva Baes, I really feel thankful to have been swapped with like not shady people from my og tribe hehehe

So rn if we do end up going to tribal council, I do hope the plan is still JJ and either Tom or Jules still flips on him. Hopefully those three are keeping quiet about their flip so we can get JJ out of this game.

On a different note, like I know he’s a threat and all but I’m really liking Tom. It’s really just the Straight Connection™ ahsjdjd Like idk I just want to align with Aussie’s and all hahaha. Jason and I are planning on forming like a side alliance with Tom and possibly Evan lol. I did promise Tom I was gonna have his back if he flipped and tho the flip didn’t happen because we won immunity, I still plan on doing that but I better keep my eye on Tom tho because I don’t want him to be my UgH Brett this season.

Me and Ali are doing an EXCELLENT job at acting like we don't know each other and going deep undercover in our tribe, like, if I'm gonna be proud of anything in this game so far it'll be that and not being first boot. But mostly that. I really hope that we go far together in this game with Julia because I think the three of us could make a really good team.

C*befield is a cursed game!! literally had my laptop opened for hours doing the trick tom told us in the chat and when I finally stopped at 15B the hosts says it’s in invalid because it needs to be the game over screen but the game literally glitched so I keep going on to infinity without hitting cubes or getting game over Grrr

RIP mine and Ali’s laptop

Also Tom is drunk on the tribe chat rn. Now we just need Julia to be drunk ahsjdjd

okay Evan I see you. Making dumb dumb decisions GRRR. Him leaking EVERYTHING to JJ, like what was the endgame? He just burns everyone across the board.

With that said, if we have to go to tribal I still want JJ gone. I can't deal with anymore, him like asking to call me while i was drunk with friends on my way back from prom is so annoying, like... my life is not games, i literally.. was with friends like... boundaries.

i feel bad being mean to JJ but ughhhhhhhh. Evan also needs to have not done anything he just did. I literally... was gonna be in such a pickle next vote because Jason/Ian would've wanted Evan out, but Thomas/Jules wouldn't have. He like panicked about how out of the loop he was (which I can understand and respect), but like... this was such a, SUCH a poor way of handling it. JJ is gonna be on a reign of terror, its just going to be so tiring.

I just... am really tired of it. I'm annoying, and I get that, so its hypocritical for me to get mad at the others but like... GRRR.

i just want a final five of me, jules, julia, tom and benj. LET ME HAVE THAT.

Tom and I bonding over JJ FINALLY going home? ICONIC, SHOWSTOPPING

jj = mess

I am not sure if I already submitted a confessional on the shit that went down today but here we go.

So I wake up to see all is well. Nothing has happened much. Then Evan comes here asking me if I voted JJ and questioning me with all kinds of shit. The kid is legit panicking because from what Tom told me, he was the last to know of the flip against JJ. So now Evan thinks he’s at the bottom and is sweating bricks. All of a sudden JJ blows up in the tribe chat and he freaking knows we were gonna send him out the game if we lost the music video challenge.

I then learn that presumably mcfreaking Evan fucking leaked to JJ that he was getting voted out which caused all this mess on the tribe chat with JJ calling Tom, Jules, Evan, Ali and Julia out for lying to him and that he’s thanking me and Jason for being straight up to him? Umm I don’t get this tho because me and JJ literally did not exchange any talks about the vote. So I don’t get where he’s going with this lol. Jules was trying to calm JJ down and she was laying down the law whew. I mean if anything this blow up just secured my allaince’s control?? Like now Tom and Jules are with us and they know Evan is a rat and JJ is sinking. UNLESS this is just a freaking ploy by them in which they are being oh so extra ahsjdjd

Right now if I would have my way, Budva baes along with Tom and Jules work together for this vote. We throw most of our votes at JJ and that may include Evan. And then we tell JJ who’s pretty desperate right now to vote for Evan. I would want someone to throw one or two votes at Evan as a safety cushion in case JJ pulls out an idol. Here’s to hopIng everything goes accordingly for the Budva Baesss

Well fuck i've flopped on confessing my sins again. So last round I made probably the shittiest music video..... and I won. How in the fuck. TAKE THAT BITCHES! ON TIME QUEEN BETTER THAN A LATE ONE! But so JJ is super fucking annoying toward the original Budva people, such as myself. But he has also annoyed his tribe pretty bad. Sooooooo Jules flipped. This round it looks like he is gonna go but Evan talks too much and I wanna kill him.

RN im a paranoid mess because people are telling me to vote michael and im kind of forced to do that? The problem is, I like michael a lot so i really hope we win this challenge because i think we have a good shot. It also doesnt help that we got rid of the majority so now i could very well be going here.

[artificialqueens]

wingwomen ch4 (trixya, shalaska) - lale

All of the amazing comments on this so far have made my week!! You’ve all made writing this the best experience, I love you all! I hope you enjoy this part :)

“It’s like a double date!” Trixie said gleefully to Alaska. They were walking back home now that the school day was over, and she was brimming with excitement. She linked her arm through Alaska’s, glad for the 10 block walk they shared before they went their separate ways.

“It’s only lunch,” Alaska reminded her. Trixie pouted.

“It’s a big deal! I’m actually going to get to talk to her,” she pointed out.

“Sharon doesn’t even want to sit with us,” Alaska said. “She said no, Katya said yes. She might not even do it.”

“She said maybe when I asked earlier. And I saw how she was when you were over there, it didn’t look like she didn’t like you. Honestly, she looked kind of shy.”

“I still don’t see why you couldn’t have come with me. I made an idiot of myself in front of her,” Alaska whined.

“I’d already talked to her! She would have been overwhelmed,” Trixie said.

“Whatever. I still don’t think she likes me, she didn’t even talk to me. Thank god Katya’s so chatty. She’s really funny, actually. I like her,” Alaska said. Trixie sighed dreamily.

“God, when she lit her cigarette with Sharon’s? So hot! How does she make smoking hot? Tell me what she was saying. Did she mention me?” Trixie said, remembering the way Katya had winked at her when Sharon had been helping Alaska light her cigarette. She had the most gorgeous smile, with full red lips that Trixie wanted to kiss senseless. “

“I mean, she didn’t explicitly mention you. But I think she likes you! She kept looking at you before I went over,” Alaska said carefully.

“Do you really think she likes me? She might just think I’m a freak,” Trixie said, voicing the worry that had been niggling in the back of her mind. She’d been trying so hard to make friends with Sharon for Alaska’s sake that she’d been able to suppress her anxiety over the likelihood of someone as gorgeous and, apparently, funny, as Katya being attracted to her. Being a cheerleader might have made her vaguely ‘cool’, but she was still known as a nerd who tried hard in class. She was still chubby, and wore a lot of makeup and always had big hair. There was no real reason why Katya would like her.

“Oh, shut up! You’re the furthest thing from a freak. You’re more of a weirdo,” Alaska said fondly.

“I’m serious! For all we know, you and Sharon are going to ride off into the sunset together for your happily ever after and I’m going to get totally rejected by the most gorgeous girl in the world!” Trixie wailed dramatically. Alaska shoved her gently by the shoulder.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, she definitely likes you. Besides, me and Sharon aren’t going to ride into the sunset together. She’d have to actually talk to me for that to happen.” Trixie sighed, infuriated by Alaska’s refusal to accept that Sharon didn’t hate her. At least she’d actually sat with Sharon for a while, even if Sharon hadn’t said much. Trixie still hadn’t even spoken to Katya!

“Why are you being so cranky?” she asked, frowning at Alaska.

“I’m not! God, you’re being a bitch,” Alaska whined. Something dawned on Trixie.

“Oh my god,” she said, “do you need a cigarette? How much of that one did you smoke???”

Alaska wrinkled her nose. “Do I smoke now?” she asked.

***

Sharon dragged her feet as she approached her locker. Her last class before lunch had gone by far too quickly – a very rare feeling for her in school – and now she had to face Alaska and Trixie. Thank god Katya would be there too; if she didn’t have a buffer between them she thought she might have lost her mind. Okay, maybe Trixie wasn’t as terrible as she’d first thought, and she’d always thought Alaska wasn’t as bad as the other cheerleaders, but not hating them and actively wanting to spend her lunch break with them were two very different things.

As she got closer to her locker, she realized that Trixie and Alaska were already there, apparently waiting for her and Katya. Probably to avoid Sharon sneaking away before she could make good on her promise to sit with them, she realized. Alaska was leant against the locker, one long leg bent up at the knee and her combat boot pressed against the metal of the lockers. The rest of the cheerleaders all wore their sneakers all day – Trixie’s were pink, of course – but Alaska wore her boots until practice. It was one of the things about her that had caught Sharon’s attention.

Trixie was stood next to Alaska, pressing what looked like stickers, or maybe band-aids, onto Alaska’s arms and looking hilariously forlorn. As she got closer, Sharon could hear their conversation.

“I definitely don’t need nine nicotine patches,” Alaska drawled, trying to peel one off of her wrist. Trixie smacked her hand away.

“You’re going to get cancer! I should never have sent you over there, it’s my fault,” she said sadly. Sharon couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. She knew Alaska had never smoked before yesterday. It was kind of cute that she would go along with her and Katya so eagerly in her eagerness to please. She just didn’t really understand why Alaska and Trixie and were suddenly so determined to make friends.

“You’re blocking my locker,” she said when she reached them. Alaska whirled around, quickly ripping the patches from her arm.

“Sorry!” she said, moving to the side so that Sharon could open her locker. She tossed the nicotine patches at Trixie as she tore them off, and Trixie shrieked when one hit her in the face. “Ha,” Alaska said with a smirk, pointing to one that had stuck to her chest.

Trixie turned to face Sharon. “Does my nipple look weird?” she asked, a serious expression on her face as she pointed to the patch stuck to her shirt.

“Very weird. I think you need doctor,” came Katya’s voice from behind her. Trixie’s cheeks immediately flushed scarlet, and she picked the patch off with a nervous-sounding laugh.

Oh. Sharon smirked to herself. If Trixie was smitten with Katya, that would explain her sudden attempts to make friends with the two of them. But where did that leave Alaska? Of course, everyone knew Trixie and Alaska were best friends, totally inseparable. Was Alaska just tagging along to be a good friend, there to distract Sharon while Trixie got to talk to Katya?

Katya broke her out of her thoughts by waving a hand in front of her face. “Sharon? Is there something in locker?” she asked. Sharon realized she’d been staring into her locker, stood completely still. She closed the door quickly, and Katya flashed her a smile. “Let’s eat! I’m starving,” she said, leading the way towards the cafeteria. Sharon took a second to steel herself, preparing for a lunch spent with two cheerleaders – and, really, who would’ve thought even a few days ago that this would happen – and followed.

***

Bozo 🤡: that went so well! Sharon’s pretty cool

Queen of the snakes 🐍: yeah. you don’t think she was hating it the whole time?

Bozo 🤡: No!!! She actually smiled at you, didn’t you see?

Queen of the snakes 🐍: no? did she really?

Bozo 🤡: yeah!!

Bozo 🤡: Katya’s so funny. Isn’t she so funny?

Queen of the snakes 🐍: she’s totally insane. Do you think any of the stories she was telling are true?

Bozo 🤡: Russia’s a weird place.

Queen of the snakes 🐍: yeah, but do you really think they make them do interpretive dances about Putin for gym class?

Bozo 🤡: i don’t even care. She can tell me ridiculous stories all she wants.

Queen of the snakes 🐍: you’re disgustingly smitten

Bozo 🤡: 😍😍😍

Bozo 🤡: you think they’ll come to lunch with us again tomorrow?

Queen of the snakes 🐍: you can go ask them before practice

Bozo 🤡: I suppose. Don’t want you to be tempted by a cigarette [skull emoji, eyes emoji]

Queen of the snakes 🐍: you’re such a moron

Bozo 🤡: FUCK i can’t have lunch with you guys tomorrow

Queen of the snakes 🐍: ????

Bozo 🤡: i have a club meeting

Queen of the snakes 🐍: oh shit

Queen of the snakes 🐍: they might not even want to eat with us tomorrow, anyway

Bozo 🤡: I’ll ask anyway. Maybe I can get away from club early and come sit with you guys for a while!

Queen of the snakes 🐍: i don’t want sharon to get scared off if we keep bugging her to hang out

Bozo 🤡: she won’t get scared off! i really think she’s coming around. We’re basically friends now

Queen of the snakes 🐍: you just want another chance to stare lovingly at Katya, dork

Bozo 🤡: she’s so prettyyyyyy

Bozo 🤡: i just wanna like pet her hair and have her tell me crazy stories in Russian

Bozo 🤡: and then she can sit on my face 😍

Queen of the snakes 🐍: yoU’RE DISGUSTING I HATE YOU

***

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: why did you say we’d have lunch with them again???

Red scare: it was fun!!!

Red scare: I know you like her

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: they’re so full on, they make me tired

Red scare: i see you smiling!

Red scare: she like you. Just ask her to come play with your ouiji board [winky face]

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: shut up!

Ooky spooky 👻: im not going to lunch with them tomorrow

Red scare: yes!!!!

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: no!!!!

Red scare: 😡

Red scare: please??

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: you fucking owe me

***

Sharon took her time walking to the cafeteria the next day for lunch. She’d been half expecting to find Alaska and Trixie hovering by her locker again, but they’d been nowhere to be seen. Katya hadn’t been around either, so she’d been left to walk to lunch by herself. She’d considered ditching them – she’d rarely eaten in the cafeteria before Katya showed up, mostly taking her food outside and chainsmoking her way through lunch alone – but she knew Katya would give her shit if she didn’t show up.

It wasn’t as if lunch with Trixie and Alaska had been awful. They weren’t the dumb bitches she’d thought they were; Trixie was quick witted and would whip out comments that would take them by surprise before making them laugh – or scream-laugh, if you were Katya – and Alaska had a perfect deadpan delivery. But Sharon still couldn’t help but feel nervous around them. Logically, she knew they were nice girls, but there was still that voice in the back of her mind telling her that they were playing some trick on her, pretending to be her friend so that they could humiliate her.

She shook her head, trying to clear the negative thoughts. She needed Katya to talk her out of it; she had an uncanny ability to sense when Sharon was thinking too much and know just how to distract her. Although, maybe it wasn’t so much an uncanny ability – maybe Katya could recognize when Sharon was starting to worry because she knew how it felt. Sharon remembered how they’d first met, on Katya’s first day at school – Katya huddled in one of the small alleys behind the buildings where Sharon liked to sneak out to for a cigarette when she really needed one between periods, hands shaking as she tried to light a cigarette.

Katya hid her anxiety a lot better than Sharon did, she thought. She doubted anyone would look at someone so cheerful, funny and loud and ever suspect the crippling panic that lay just below the surface. Sharon felt protective of her, in a way – she’d seen what they hadn’t, and she knew how incredible it was that Katya kept up such a warm, positive exterior. It was why she and Katya had become such good friends so quickly.

Now, though, it seemed that she wasn’t the only one who Katya had made friends with. Sharon stood by the cafeteria entrance, watching Katya and Alaska laugh together. They were sat alone at a table in the opposite corner of the room; she couldn’t see Trixie anywhere.

Alaska and Katya seemed to be getting along great. Katya was beaming at her, gesturing wildly with her fork before collapsing into a fit of screeching laughter when it tangled in her wild hair. Alaska was laughing too, that gorgeous smile on her face. Sharon barely ever saw her smile like that, unless she was with Trixie. Alaska was easily the quietest of all of the cheerleaders, and definitely the least conventional. It intrigued Sharon; she wanted to know what had drawn the quiet, funny girl she remembered from middle school to the most popular clique in high school.

But why would Alaska be interested in talking to Sharon? She had Trixie and all of their other friends. She had Katya now, too. Maybe Katya would end up joining the cheerleaders, too, and Sharon would be left alone again.

Sharon turned on her heel, heading away from the cafeteria. She didn’t have much of an appetite anymore.

***

Red scare 🚬: where are you???

Red scare 🚬: are you coming????

Red scare 🚬: Trixie isn’t here either

Red scare 🚬: is everything okay?

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: sorry, something came up

Red scare 🚬: Willam said she saw you in cafeteria. Did something happen?

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: no, im fine

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: its nothing

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: you and Alaska looked like you were having plenty of fun by yourselves

Red scare 🚬: why didn’t you come sit?

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: i didn’t want to interrupt

Red scare 🚬: no!

Red scare 🚬: you not interrupt

Red scare 🚬: you’re my best friend

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: sorry

Red scare 🚬: don’t be sorry

Red scare 🚬: 😘

***

Every day the next week, Alaska and Trixie were joined for lunch by Sharon and Katya. Alaska was surprised that Sharon had turned up so often, but she’d seen her every day since the lunchbreak she’d spent with just her and Katya. It was probably all down to Trixie – she was so determined to prove to Alaska that she could be a good wingwoman for her, so she’d probably been hassling Sharon to keep showing up for lunch. But today Trixie had a club meeting, so Alaska had taken it upon herself to make sure Sharon turned up. Maybe she was letting herself get carried away, but she thought she’d started making a connection with Sharon. Getting to know her had only made her like her even more, and she didn’t want to lose the tentative friendship they’d formed. She couldn’t bear to go back to watching her from a distance during cheerleading practice.

Alaska hovered by Sharon’s locker, looking around the busy hallway for any sign of her distinctive blonde hair. When she spotted her walking towards her, she couldn’t but grin. Sharon was strikingly beautiful, with her bleached blonde hair and piercing eyes surrounded by smudged black makeup.

“Hieee,” she said in greeting, stepping aside to let Sharon get into her locker.

“Hey,” Sharon replied, a smile that almost looked fond on her face. “Where’s Trixie?”

“Club,” Alaska said. Sharon’s face fell as she opened her backpack.

“Oh,” she said. “Katya has to meet with the guidance counselor.”

“Oh,” Alaska echoed. She understood Sharon’s uncertainty – Katya and Trixie were definitely the louder two of the four of them. Without their best friends as buffers, Sharon was probably wondering what they’d even have to talk about. Still, this was her chance – the first chance she’d really gotten to talk to Sharon alone. “Well, we can still-”

“I just remembered that I have to do something,” Sharon said quickly. She tossed her books into her locker and slammed the door shut. “I’ll see you around, okay?”

Alaska blinked at her in surprise. “Oh, um. Sure, okay,” she agreed, swallowing down the lump in her throat. Of course Sharon didn’t want to have lunch with her. Why would she? Katya was her best friend, and she even got along better with Trixie since Trixie had started her friendship campaign in their social studies class. Alaska was just the added extra she had to put up with to spend time with them.

“Wait!” she said, lunging after Sharon as she started to walk away. Sharon looked over her shoulder at her. “You’re still coming to the party at Laganja’s tonight, right? After the game?” she asked. Trixie had brought up the party earlier in the week, and when Katya had immediately said yes for the both of them they’d spent the evening freaking out to each other on the phone. Alaska had been planning her outfit in her head for days; she couldn’t bear it if Sharon bailed now.

“Yeah, I suppose so. Katya really wants to go, so,” Sharon said, shrugging. Alaska forced a weak smile onto her face. Sharon wasn’t as enthusiastic as she’d hoped she be, but she was still coming. That was all Alaska could ask for, really.

“I’ll see you there,” she said, waving at Sharon’s back as she retreated down the hallway.

***

Red scare 🚬: Alaska says you ditch her today for lunch??? What happened??

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: what was I supposed to do?

Red scare 🚬: ???

Red scare 🚬: if you don’t know how to have lunch I cannot help you

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: I wouldn’t have had anything to talk to her about!

Red scare 🚬: you talk every day at lunch!

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: not just the 2 of us! Idk, I panicked

Red scare 🚬: say sorry at party. With kissing

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: you’re so ridiculous

Red scare 🚬: she likes you! Party is best time for kissing

Ooky spooky bitch 👻: idiot. Meet you at yours before the party?

Red scare 🚬: wear something pretty 😜

***

Trixie was flustered as she jumped out of her mom’s car, tugging her dress down over her thighs. Her stepdad had been late back from work so they’d had to wait before her mom could give her a ride, and now she was late. She hated being late.

She walked up the path to Laganja’s house, patting her hair to make sure it was still neatly in place. She always liked to look good, but tonight, with Katya at the party, she wanted to look better than ever.

“You look hot,” a voice said from the other side of the front yard. Trixie looked over, then grinned.

“Hey!” she said, crossing the yard to greet Sharon with a hug. Sharon seemed surprised, but gave her shoulder a pat before pulling back. “Are Alaska and Katya inside?” she asked. Sharon’s lips stretched into a thin smile, and she brought her cigarette up to her mouth and inhaled deeply.

“Oh yeah. Last I saw they were in the lounge, glued at the hip. You know how those two are,” she said, sounding bitter.

“What do you mean?” Trixie asked. She knew Alaska and Katya got on great, but she’d always seen it as a good thing. How could it not be if her best friend and the girl she liked were friends?

“Oh, come on, Trixie. I know you’re not a dumb cheerleader, so don’t act it,” Sharon said, raising an eyebrow at her. “I should’ve known Katya would find someone cooler to be friends with. Maybe you’ll be luckier and Alaska won’t ditch you entirely.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Trixie asked. God, if Sharon was going to talk in riddles at her, she really needed a drink.

“At least we’ve got each other now, huh? We can be the reject friends together, unless you’re going to ditch me too,” Sharon said. Trixie huffed, shaking her head.

“God, Sharon, I don’t even know what you’re talking about! I can’t deal with you,” she said. She couldn’t look at Sharon’s smile, somehow bitter and smug at the same time, any longer.

Alaska would never replace her! They’d been friends for too long, and gone through too much together. And Katya…well, maybe Katya did like Alaska better. She’d never considered that before. Did Katya even like her, or did she just put up with her so she could hang out with Alaska?

Determined to find Katya and Alaska and prove Sharon wrong, Trixie walked away from her.

“Check the bedrooms! God knows they’ve got crazy lady boners for each other,” Sharon shouted after her.

“Fuck you!” Trixie called back, slamming Laganja’s front door behind her in her anger. What the fuck was Sharon’s problem? Alaska would never do that. Katya didn’t like Alaska, did she? What had she been saying to Sharon? Trixie’s insides twisted with worry.

***

Outside, Sharon’s smile dropped as she stubbed her cigarette out against the wall of the house. “Alone again,” she said softly to herself.

***

“I don’t know where the fuck Trixie is,” Alaska complained, checking her phone for the hundredth time. Trixie had sent her a text an hour before, telling her that she was waiting for her mom to be free to give her a ride. Thankfully Alaska knew most of the people at the party, and once Sharon and Katya had arrived she’d gravitated towards them. Sharon had disappeared pretty quickly, and she and Katya were squeezed into an armchair together as they waited for their friends to reappear.

“She’ll be here soon,” Katya said, patting her hand. Alaska pouted.

“She’d better,” she said. Katya laughed.

“You should talk to Sharon,” she said.

“What?” Alaska replied, surprised. “Why?”

Katya rolled her eyes. “Because you want to kiss her?” she said, like it was obvious.

“I don’t – what? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alaska said, flustered. Was she that obvious.

“Do not lie! I see all,” Katya said. She wiggled one of her messy braids, fastened with googly-eye scrunchies, at Alaska.

“Shut up,” Alaska said weakly. If Katya could read her so easily, could Sharon? Was that why she’d run away from her at lunch earlier?

“Just kiss her! She will like it,” Katya insisted. Alaska reached across her to the tray of shots Gia had deposited on the table nearby a few minutes earlier. She picked up two glasses, offering one to Katya. “Oh, no,” Katya said, scrunching up her nose and putting a hand in front of the glass.

“Alright,” Alaska said, shrugging and downing one shot after another. What? She needed them. Katya watched her, looking amused. A flash of inspiration hit Alaska.

“I’ll talk to Sharon if you ask Trixie out,” she said. She’d seen Katya look at Trixie, the smile on face not dissimilar from the one she saw on Trixie’s face whenever she looked at Katya. She was confident enough that Katya would be interested – it was worth the risk of putting it out there.

She beamed, proud of herself, when Katya’s whole face lit up.

“Barbie? You think she say yes?” she asked hopefully.

“Duh! Come on, Kat, don’t you see how she looks at you?” she said. Katya blushed, fiddling with the ends of one of her braids.

“Me?” she said, sounding uncharacteristically shy.

“Yes! Don’t be dumb, you’re gorgeous. Why wouldn’t she like you?” she said. Katya looked down at her lap for a moment, then looked up with a huge, bright smile on her face. She looked positively adorable.

“Yes! Okay, yes! I talk to Barbie – you have to talk to Sharon,” she said, offering her pinky finger to Alaska.

Alaska hesitated. Sharon had done her best to avoid her earlier – why would she want to talk to talk to her now? But she wanted to be a good friend to Trixie. She deserved it.

“Okay,” she agreed, hooking her pinky finger around Katya’s.

“Perfect!” Katya let out a joyful squeal, then grabbed Alaska’s face in her hands. She pressed a smacking kiss to her lips, grinning at her.

When she pulled back, Alaska saw Trixie behind Katya. She was staring at them, face pale. Her hands were fisted into her dress, and her eyes filled with tears.

“Trixie,” Alaska gasped, realising what it had to look like. Katya’s head whipped around, a startled expression on her face.

“Fuck you,” Trixie choked out. She turned around, but Alaska heard her sob before she fled from the room.

#alaska thunderfuck #sharon needles #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #trixya #shalaska #cisgirl au #lale #rpdr fanfiction #submission #wingwomen #lesbian au #high school au

[cescalr]

📓

ok SO

So. SO.

There's this 'Ginny invents Wizard Therapy' AU i've been. Thinking (TM) about, right? I've mentioned it before.

Here's the entire thing I've got of it so far:

VTF Today at 20:54

(they all need fucking therapists let's be honest)

CLR Today at 20:54

true that

VTF Today at 20:54

(ron my poor boy. oh goodness my child. please seek help darling you deserve better)

CLR Today at 20:54

hence why i have Ginny going down that route instead of journalism after her hollyhead harpies stuff is up

since quidditch isn't exactly all-day every-day i think she could do some muggle education on the side

and bring some fucking therapy into mind-healing

because the poor girl never got any

and she wouldn't want to see any kids have to pull themselves through what she had to pull herself through

because sure her family helped, or tried to, but they weren't trained, they had no idea what to do, really

i've got Thoughts about post-war Ginny

VTF Today at 20:55

ye

CLR Today at 20:55

and making her like. More of a well-rounded character a;lkjg;alksg

VTF Today at 20:55

hahaha awesome

I think Ron could be a Healer but for like, physical injuries

CLR Today at 20:56

what is ginny in the books? violent quidditch girl with pretty hair and. uhhhhh

VTF Today at 20:56

yeaaah.....

CLR Today at 20:56

she's good at helping harry through his bullshit

so

VTF Today at 20:56

she's fiery and peppy and cool but

CLR Today at 20:56

.... just tryna expand on that

VTF Today at 20:56

yeah

Rowling's definition of "strong woman" isn't.... really on point

CLR Today at 20:57

not even a little

violent? check! kind of mean? Check! slut shaming? Check!

not like other girls? double check!

VTF Today at 20:57

I don't think Ginny would enjoy therapy in a closed office tho, like physical therapy might be up her alley

CLR Today at 20:57

no that's my point

VTF Today at 20:57

keeping in with the sporty themes

CLR Today at 20:58

like she'd be the kind of therapist to try various forms of therapy with her patients and work with what's best for them

VTF Today at 20:58

Yeee

CLR Today at 20:58

because she seems the perceptive and supportive type

VTF Today at 20:58

Well she'd know

CLR Today at 20:58

she's not an armchair hollywood therapist lakjs;glkag

VTF Today at 20:59

she'd know that everyone was like "oh you need to talk about it" and bitch she tried it didn't help

CLR Today at 20:59

also i imagine there would be a few times where her patients are like 'what would you know about it?????!!!!!!'

yeah exactly

and she'd have ways to deal with when that came up

different ways for the temperament of each person

VTF Today at 21:00

what helped Luna was to believe in her dad's crazy theories. what helped Harry was to be believed in. what helped her brother Ron was to be shown support and being told things. what helped Hermione was to sleep for three days and get a punching bag

CLR Today at 21:00

hahahaha

but what helped Luna, also, was encouraging her to go see the world and to try and find the things she believes in, to help her through her grief over her mother which she never got any real help for, what helped Harry was to sit quietly with him, to play quidditch with him, to listen when he exploded and to explain calmly in no uncertain terms what he needed to hear, to wait and to listen when he decided to open up about his childhood on his own terms, what helped her brother was affirmation and open care, soft affection, kindness, clear and obvious and un-misinterpretable love, what hapeled hermione was in fact to sleep for three days and get a punching bag, but also someone to vent to, someone to talk her through the things she doesn't understand so they don't make her angry, to clearly and concisely break down the emotions she struggles to empathsie with, someone to tell her in no uncertain terms that she should never have attacked ron, but there are ways to make up for it, to give her books upon books upon books about better ways to deal with difficult situations, give her a focus, something to learn in a way she'll absorb it, and to gently correct assumptions she makes and to slowly lower her intolerance to being told she's wrong about something

because; luna's dad's crazy theories are just that - crazy - and sometimes you need to bring your head back down from the clouds. And sometimes Harry is just wrong, in fact often, and he simply needs to understand himself better. And Ron just needs more love and Ginny feels bad about not noticing it before and needing an entire goddamn degree to see it properly, and Hermione. Hermioine is a mess. And she needs help with that, just like anyone does.

Hermione, one day, to Ginny 'This isn't therapy!' re: the punching bag. Ginny, pushing up her sleeves, getting ready to rant: "Well in fact, there are about a hundred or so and growing texts within the community that-" also she's punching the bag so she can prove that punching the bag helps vent your agression, because hermione saying that really did anger her, and hermione is surprised by how quickly Ginny calms down

VTF Today at 21:20

yas

beautiful

now I want a story in which it's just Ginny doing her family and friends' therapy

"what, being your own family's therapist is against the law? not in the wizarding world it's not"

CLR Today at 21:22

hahahaha

yeah basically

Ginny, knowing the muggle rules, being a witch: I can't read suddenly, I don't know

Hermione: Angry noises

Ginny: Idk, I don't see it in the law books :/

VTF Today at 21:22

seriously you could write that

CLR Today at 21:22

im not a therapist

VTF Today at 21:22

hahaha yeah

but like just

CLR Today at 21:22

id LOVE to

VTF Today at 21:22

like you said

CLR Today at 21:22

but im not a psychiatrist or a therapist or any of the ists

VTF Today at 21:22

Ginny just noticing some stuffs. and doing it

CLR Today at 21:23

i know literally nothing about therapy

VTF Today at 21:23

fair fair

CLR Today at 21:23

i mean

techinically

Ginny could just. Invent therapy

VTF Today at 21:23

heheh

CLR Today at 21:23

like wizards don't know muggles already have it

VTF Today at 21:23

ye

CLR Today at 21:23

so she could train to be a mind healer, be like 'this is bullshit' and open her own practise by bullying the ministry into letting her

and so she invented therapy

VTF Today at 21:24

honestly I'd see it like one chapter per person, starting Luna then we see them do what you described

CLR Today at 21:24

Hermione is pulling her hair out but it works, so like, calm down, just reiniventing therapy here

yeah that would be grand

VTF Today at 21:24

Then Harry. and some of the canon happenstances but also others

then Ron and at this point the RWDS kinda takes over the fic oop-

then Hermione, and hurray

CLR Today at 21:25

hell, Marietta books and pays for a visit, partially to be like 'fuck you and your friends i want you to be uncomfortable' and Ginny is like. Ah.

VTF Today at 21:25

hahahaha

CLR Today at 21:25

and then Marietta is like. Yo. Actually. And keeps coming back

eventually they get to her insecurites about her apperance and how she can't find a hairstyle that hides the scars and still lets her see and how everyone who meets her gives her the side-eye and the only people that are cool with her are Cho and Terry and it's really stressfull, and her mother is still stuck in this shitty dead-end job in the ministry and Marietta doesn't really know what to do with her life and can she even have one? in the wizarding world? when everyone knows what she did? when the higher ups in the ministry are best friends with the girl who cursed her, when everyone in the DA knows her face, knows what she did, is she welcome? Is her home not her home anymore?

like everything just ends up pouring out and Ginny's like. oh shit. Okay.

this is actually serious

and obviously Marietta gets her well deserved not-really-a-redemption (a redemption for giving Luna the Loony moniker, but not-really-a-redemption because what she did was understandable giventhe circumstances, regarding Umbridge)

and because I grew very attached to Mari and Terry and Cho in... like all the fics i've written a;lkgja;lskgja;sg

VTF Today at 21:28

ye

(hugs) can relate haha

they cute

CLR Today at 21:28

hugs gracias

but yeah Marietta is kind of. Stuck. Mostly, in a bit of a funk, after the war

because she's still a kind of paraiah

and like

what is she to do

VTF Today at 21:29

yeah I wonder why? /s

CLR Today at 21:29

when the only world she's ever known rejects her, but the world her mother is from Marietta doesn't legally exist in

Marietta is a half-blood, second generation witch, and she's kind of just... lost

i mean if you think about it this way

muggleborns are immigrants

really

from a different culture, and a different country, moving into the wizarding world, with the shock of the different lifestyles and technology and everything else

so here's marietta

VTF Today at 21:30

yeeep

CLR Today at 21:30

with her single, muggleborn mother

and a paraiah's brand across her face

like what is she to do?

and that's her issue

VTF Today at 21:31

Muggleborn mom who isn't in the muggle world anymore

CLR Today at 21:31

yes

who hasn't been for years

VTF Today at 21:31

so she really has nowhere to go

CLR Today at 21:31

who is so totally assimilated into the wizarding world she hasn't kept up with the outside

marietta only exists in the wizarding world

VTF Today at 21:32

god that's fucked up

CLR Today at 21:32

and in the way that she exists there, it's no life, not really, to be hated by everyone for something you did when you were sixteen

VTF Today at 21:32

that's why the statute needs to go honestly

CLR Today at 21:32

frankly

and truthfully

this fic would probably end up a statute breaker fic after all the therapy

like it'd get a sequel

'surprsie bitch! real goddamn plot!'

VTF Today at 21:33

I imagine Ginny thinking about how she'd have reacted had everyone in Hogwarts blamed her for what Riddle did

CLR Today at 21:33

Marietta would be kind of... basically she'd be kind of foreshadowing for that

oh god yeah

VTF Today at 21:33

heheh

CLR Today at 21:33

like the thing is

VTF Today at 21:33

to empathize with Marietta better

VTF Today at 21:33

she already felt bad for picking up the diary in the first place

PERCY REBELS (+ MAJOR DIVERGENCES) AU

CLR Today at 21:33

Harry never saying anything [about the diary]? nobody ever saying anything? that's a kindness

if anyone, anyone

found out

she would have been

Ginny would have been blamed

the wizarding world is one for victim blaming

hell even Arthur's first words to Ginny when he sees her after the chamber are about that*

[that she shouldn’t have trusted the Diary, thereby blaming her first and the Diary second]

VTF Today at 21:33

that was Lucius' plan all along

pinning the blame on Ginny

CLR Today at 21:34

yeah exactly

VTF Today at 21:34

trying to make it seem like this 11 years old girl could have an artefact of the Dark Lord

CLR Today at 21:34

like Lucius used the WW's propensity for blaming the victim, it's so gross

VTF Today at 21:34

sully the name of the Weasley family

CLR Today at 21:34

disgusting

it'd have been really goddamn clever if Harry hadn't. Like. Existed.

VTF Today at 21:34

heheheh

CLR Today at 21:34

people think it was a stupid plan

but it really wasn't

the wizards don't think of things like 'how would she have gotten that diary' and stuff

After that it moves into the other AU (Percy Rebels AU) but we're actually writing that one so it doesn't count. This one... this one's been in my head for years at this point ive just. Never been confident in my ability to write something so serious. I mean, I'm not a therapist, you know? I wouldn't want to propgate the hollywood ideas of therapy. Because that's not therapy, but it's also the only version I've ever been exposed to, and I'm horrendous at research, I know I'd find the wrong things.

So. Yeah. That's the AU I haven't written down anywhere! Except here. Now.

#long post #< - < sorry it took so long! I had to find the messages. #ginny #hpau #hp #hpcharacters #GITAU #git lmaoooo #but yeah