thequietvoice18
the quiet voice
tumblr of a book-obsessed second year William & Mary student. while I dedicate this blog to my obsession and analyses of Queer as Folk, I am also passionate about equality, education, and other societal issues. you can find my writing on those topics and...
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The Rooftop's Edge
The other day I was telling my therapist about how it feels like to be attracted to *******.
“It’s like someone pushed me down a flight of stairs and I’m falling perpetually with no end in sight,” I said to him over Zoom yes, I’m a little dramatic gaysian b***** ****, I know, I know.
We processed my crush on this person for 50 minutes. Continue reading The Rooftop’s Edge
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I'm Aging!
One of the weirdest parts of my life over the past year has been when people call me professor. Or when my therapy clients call me Dr. (insert my last name). I suspect some of this stems from general adjustment to something new; before, people in my professional life called me Thomas, now, sometimes they don’t. It’s different! At the same time, in reflecting upon my reluctance to embrace the…
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Besties
Last week my mental health took a sharp nosedive. Amidst my distress, I practiced the DBT skill distress tolerance skill pros and cons. I thought about the pros of killing myself, the cons of killing myself, the pros of not skilling myself, and the cons of not killing myself (for those reading, please rest assured I have no intention of killing myself and I am in a very stable place now…
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#ariana grande#connection#friendship#healing#life#love#mental health#social support#trauma#we can&039;t be friends
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Somehow
My mental health has declined over the past few days. One of my best friends is staying with me in Philly for a little while which has been wonderful, though my raw psychological distress has also gone up because of the situation I mentioned in my last post. My passive suicidal ideation has increased and I’m throwing every DBT skill at the wall to keep myself alive. I don’t share this to cause…
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Hot Girls Not Colonized
About six years ago, I thought I met the most perfect man ever. We both identified as queer men of color, shared similar social justice values, and both enjoyed reading and writing. I convinced myself that he was the best man I would ever meet in my entire life (I wish this were an exaggeration, but it isn’t.) Now, I laugh to myself and with my friends about how obsessed I felt over him. He…
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I Miss the Days
Over the past couple of days, I have felt weighed down by my adult routine: prepare my lecture for work, buy groceries for the next few days at ShopRite, login to my apartment’s online portal to pay my rent. It’s odd because I’ve always wanted to get to this stage of my life, the part with autonomy and stability, not to mention work and relationships that are filled with meaning. Yet I can’t help…
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Mid
For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt frustrated with myself and my work. I’m teaching two classes and they’re going alright but not as great as I want. I’ve submitted four papers since January though my research to-do list still goes on and on. I’ve acquired so many interesting-seeming books from my local library yet they sit on my desk unopened because of how little time I have to read.
When…
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Taking a Breath
Growing up I didn’t have my own room. That didn’t bother me much, though the lack of privacy meant that my mother could come down to the basement where I spent most of my time and barrage me with insults at any point. She screamed and yelled about anything, ranging from me receiving less than a perfect grade, to the way I talked, how I walked, if I looked at her a certain way, how I held my hand…
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Thomas's Top Ten 2023 Reads
Hello friends foes and folks I don’t know! This year I read 178 books. Through moving to a new city for the second year in a row, starting a new job, contending with new mediocre men I’ve gone on dates with, and navigating new ups and downs in life, I have found solace, comfort, and connection in books. Interestingly this is the first year that my entire top ten consists of fiction. There just…
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#aaron foley#boys come first#chantal johnson#etaf rum#evil eye#fiction#gina chung#nonfiction#novels#post-traumatic#sea change
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Normiecore
Over the past six months, I have been exposed to more married people with kids than in any previous era of my life. I suspect it’s because I work in fairly conventional settings (e.g., academia, a private practice), and because as I approach 30, more people want marriage and kids at this age than before.
For the most part, I feel happy and/or indifferent toward people who want marriage and kids…
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It Continues
About a week and a half ago I attended a gathering where someone said a racist statement about Asian men. For the sake of self-protection I will not share the specific comment, though I will share that this person homogenized and stereotyped all Asian men and then proceeded to view white men as unique people worthy of individuality. Because of power dynamics in the situation I didn’t articulate…
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#adjusting#adjustment#aging#coping#growing up#life#mental health#relationships#sadness#social justice#transitions
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(More) Imperfections
This week I have felt frustrated. A lot of little issues have cropped up: a person I know in my academic circles is engaging in problematic behavior I don’t have the power right now to change. I’m trying to figure out in-person friendships in Philadelphia. Over the past few weeks, I’ve gone on dates with mediocre, nonexciting men, meanwhile I have a nascent crush on a guy I spoke to over Zoom for…
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New Publication!
Hello! I wanted to write a brief post to update you all that I got a long-form creative nonfiction essay published in North American Review! The title of the essay is “If You Believe It.” It’s about my childhood trauma and my first experience in long-term therapy with my beloved former therapist L. You can buy a copy of the issue here. For those who cost might be prohibitive though you still want…
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#creative nonfiction#essay#if you believe it#mental health#north american review#therapist#therapy#trauma#vulnerability#writing
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Practice
As I inch closer to 30, I’ve gotten more messages about the life I should strive for: one with a romantic partner and a kid. Whether it’s through being the only romantic partner-free and childfree person in my academic department, or well-meaning acquaintances telling me to give unsatisfying men a second chance, or media that says I’m either romantically single with attachment issues or married…
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#abuse#adulthood#aging#amatonormativity#friendship#gay#heteronormativity#mental health#relationships#work
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Anything at All
In 2018, I grew obsessed with a guy I met over the internet. We exchanged some emails and I started to think of him as the most attractive man on the planet (MAMOTP). He read rad books by people of color, wrote essays and short stories of questionable quality about queerness and family oops sorry I forgot this is a compassionate space, and engaged in social justice activism. What more could an…
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#amatonormativity#connection#dating#friendship#healing#life#mental health#relationships#romance#trauma
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Me and Ro
Do you know what it feels like to be abandoned by your father?
I hope not, because it sucks. Continue reading Untitled
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Here For Me
I moved to my new city over a month ago now! I’m slowly building friendships and connections, I’ve settled into my three different offices (i.e., home office, academia office, clinical office), and I go jogging every morning on this beautiful nature trail nearby my apartment. It takes time to settle into a new place so I’m giving myself grace and compassion as the process unfolds.
For better or…
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