ariainstars

[ariainstars]

Brothers and sister. 😀

Omega having a day on Kamino with her brothers

#fanart #reblog #sw #star wars #the bad batch #clone force 99 #tbb crosshair #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb echo

[ariainstars]

The family is united. 😀

cat_does_the_arts

#the bad batch #star wars #sw #fanart #tbb #tbb wrecker #tbb echo #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #sw fanart #reblog #not my art

[ariainstars]

I must say, your opinions and the way you see certain aspects of the movies you choose to review (??)

You may have just convinced me to watch Roman Holiday 😆

Do that, it's a very good movie 😊 I just disliked the sob story they made of it at the end.

Have a nice day

#movie reviews #roman holiday #audrey hepburn #gregory peck #inbox

[ariainstars]

Another amazing Reylo art. 🥰

So happy with my art commission from @pandacapuccino illustrating chapter 20 of my Reylo fanfic, The Tether. Isn’t it amazing? I couldn’t be happier! 

#fanart #reblog #reylo #star wars #sw #ben solo #kylo ren #rey #rey palpatine #rey skywalker

[ariainstars]

Beauty and the Beast: You Can’t Save Someone from Themselves

The Disney version of Beauty and the Beast from 1991 is my favourite movie and I must have watched it twenty-five times, if not more.

But when you watch a piece of media so often, you naturally discover inconsistencies in the plot, or simply details that you don’t understand or don’t quite like.

For me, I was critical for a long time about how naïve Belle is: she never knows the nature of the spell the Beast’s castle is under, she never asks and no one tells her. My point about this was that she remained oblivious to the things going on around her, trying to make the best of a situation that was out of the ordinary but never quite knowing why. I found that this detail somewhat made Belle look like a fool.

Looking back now, I see things differently. The fact that Belle is not aware of the enchantresses’ spell is a major plot point and one of the most interesting and positive characteristics of the story’s heroine.

Women often believe they can or must “fix” a guy who’s in some kind of trouble, with their love, their wisdom etc. And it never works. If a person has some problem that needs to be fixed, they must do so themselves willingly; someone else can only be by their side.

We learn early on that the Beast / Prince is not actually evil, but “selfish, spoilt and unkind”. Belle is the antithesis to this, being generous, altruistic and kind. Most of all, she’s not scheming.

Belle never tries to redeem the Beast. At first, she fears and resents him; then, seeing that he’s making an effort, she gives him a second chance. The actual change comes from the Beast himself, who is well-aware that it is in his hands to break the spell, for himself and also for the people who live with him and depend on him.

For all her maturity and independence, Bell is an innocent girl. She does not imagine that the Beast is a prince, and that he might actually be the right partner for her.

That is why their relationship develops in a natural way: the Beast at first tries to control their relationship and fails, and Belle never tries to control it. She does not search for self-validation by trying to influence someone who obviously has a long way to go. Belle never feels superior to the Beast; when she resents him it’s a pure act of self-protection, untainted by any attitude of the kind “I know better than he does”.

Beauty and the Beast contains a lot of beautiful messages, and this is maybe the most important one if you’re a female watching it: don’t ever try to change a man, or anyone else for that matter. Loving someone means being ready to forgive and giving them a second chance; wanting to “fix” someone is an act of power.

Love and power are opposite to one another. If one partner controls or tries to control the relationship, it’s doomed.

That is why the story of Beauty and the Beast feels so genuine: it’s pure and untainted by the unnecessary drama that is part of so many stories which are allegedly about “love” but lack the most important essence of any healthy relationship: trust.

#disney #beauty and the beast #movies 1991 #animated movies #film analysis #relationships #love #linda woolverton #gary trousdale #kirk wise

[ariainstars]

Roman Holiday (film 1953): the Bitter Aftertaste

You know, I used to like Roman Holiday. It’s a classic old Hollywood movie that has it all - gorgeous pictures, beautiful protagonists, a princess (of an unnamed European country), a secret love story. It’s fun and romantic and simply a joy for the eyes.

I saw it first when I was a teenager and knew very little of the world. Looking back, Roman Holiday leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

After WWII, the Western world was swamped with both pieces of media and snippets of reality that wanted to show the entire world the greatness and superiority of the US culture. Unfortunately, I have just realized that this movie, in its essence, is one of those.

It’s the classic story of the star-crossed lovers which expects us to heave big sighs and think, “Poor things, they couldn’t live their love because… conventions.”

Really?

Relationships and marriages between people of different social status are as old as the world. Our “old continent” isn’t as backward as that. They are rather the exception than the rule, but they do exist.

Archduke Leopold Ferdinand of Austria married none other than an ex prostitute. Archduchess Louise of Austria married the Italian composer Enrico Toselli. King Edward VIII of England married Wallis Simpson, a divorced socialite. Rainier III of Monaco married actress Grace Kelly. Princess Margaret of England married photographer Antony Armstrong-Jones. Carl Gustav XVI of Sweden married interpreter Silvia Sommerlath.

These are a few examples from the 20th century that I can think of, but there are many more.

The US have their fair share of “royalty” too, like entrepreneurs and Hollywood stars. Most of them marry among each other.

In this movie, princess Ann just wants to be a young woman like every other and have fun on her own terms for a few days. US reporter Joe helps her explore the city, hoping for a smash article for the newspaper he’s working for. It’s summer, the city is gorgeous, they have a good time, and needless to say, they end up falling in love. But duty calls, so Ann has to go back to her obligations. In the end Joe does not want to betray her confidence, so he does not write about her; and his photographer friend offers her the pictures he made of her as a goodbye gift.

And the viewers are expected to sob about a love story that ends with renouncement.

Why?

As I said above, it’s not like relationships or marriages between people of different social classes are impossible or even forbidden by law.

Ann and Joe spend three days together, never talk about the things that actually are important to them, and most importantly, their whole relationship is based on lies. Ann pretends not to be the princess and Joe does not tell her that he’s a reporter looking for an interesting story. In the end, of course “love wins over” because even when the truth comes out, they still have feelings for one another. But they have to part, and it’s not explained why.

Unless you see the movie through the cynical lens the way I did a few days ago. Poor girl, can’t have the man she loves because she has to marry a prince someday.

Like I said: this is a very naïve idea of love. Ann is portrayed as a young ingenue who makes her first experiences with romance but does not learn to stand up for herself. Joe is at first thinking only of himself until he decides the only decent thing to do, which he should have done from the start without falling in love with her: not to use a girl’s vulnerable position for your own advantage.

We’re supposed to sigh and to think that in a better world, where old-fashioned, restrictive rules do not matter, these two could be together and happy. That’s why the young man Ann meets is of course from the US, a supposedly more progressive country where anyone can marry anyone they love.

But do they actually love one another, apart from a romantic spark?

Would a relationship between them be really impossible, if both wanted it?

No to both.

Roman Holidays is still an enjoyable movie, but with a dissatisfying ending. It’s not really tragic; it just leaves you wondering how romantic this story would have remained if it had continued. Having to find out that the person you “love” is everything but perfect and that you actually might have to fight for your love, and then learn to live together, is not seen as romantic.

That’s why they say that the best love stories are the ones that end badly.

Roman Holiday, like so many “love stories” of this kind, ends before it could actually have become interesting. Looking back, its premise is silly - a love that is framed as “forbidden” when it isn’t - its arch is beautiful, and then its end falls flat. The fun time of this movie is authentic; its drama feels unnecessary and makes me roll my eyes.

But I have never been a fan of dramatic, star-crossed couples who could have certainly been happy together “if only…”, I admit it.

#roman holidays #movies 1953 #classic movies #movie review #movie criticism #audrey hepburn #gregory peck #rome #europe #royalty #william wyler

[ariainstars]

#metoo: The Hypocritical Aspect

Time for another of my unpopular opinions. Sigh. Please bear with me.

The Scandal

As some of you are certainly aware of, a few months ago French actress Judith Godrèche spoke up about her relationship with the film director Benoît Jacquot, with whom she had an affair while they were working. She was 14, he was 39.

From how the affair was reported then, they were in love; they started an affair, lived together like husband and wife. The actresses’ parents were aware of the relationship and promoted it, or at least they did nothing to stop it.

Now, almost 40 years later, she reported that there was violence involved and even BDSM games, which she didn’t like at all but didn’t know how to reject. She filed a complaint against Jacquot for sexual assault, and also against Jacques Doillon, another director many years her senior with whom she worked while still in her teens.

The Discussion About the Age of Consent: it’s Futile

A teenage girl is usually mentally further developed than her male peers: not every girl of 14 - 15 will be enthusiastic at the prospect of making out (and possibly more) with a gangly, pimply guy with the brain of a 12-year-old, and that’s understandable.

An older male, who has experience and maturity, will seem much more desirable. Of course, if said guy was indeed mature he would keep his fingers off a female so much his junior, but most teenage girls who set their eyes on an older guy won’t consider that; either for want of foresight or in order to spite their parents and / or to laugh in the face of their allegedly inferior peers.

Teenage girls can be real bitches, particularly to one another. Some will boast at being groped and pursued by guys twenty years older than them (e.g. teachers) and smile down on the girls who won’t understand it. We are no longer in the Middle Ages, are we?! Females have every right to have fun, just like men. If the guy is much older and more experienced, and maybe already married with children, so what. It’s obviously the wife’s loss for not “giving him what he wants”. The pursued teenage girl feels superior. She’s so hot, so mature! She’s a real woman already, a real man is crazy for her! How good that feels! Never mind that her female body isn’t even fully developed. He must know that best since he wants her, doesn’t he? If someone is trying to warn her, shame on them! How boring they are! If they are females: how jealous! How dare they speak up against such bold acts of female liberation?!

…and so on.

Having sexual desires in your teens and being curious about them is normal. Having to follow every urge without second-guessing it is immature. It’s not like your brain is going to bust if you miss one orgasm, making out session or anything of that sort.

Now, decades later, blaming the guy alone without looking at herself and the part of responsibility that is hers alone for making her choices is an easy way out. At 14, a girl knows what she wants and what she’s doing. She may not understand all the implications, but if neither the (adult) guy nor her (adult) parents do, like in this case, why should she second-guess what’s going on?

The actresses’ parents were not in their teens. They should have known the implications or at least imagined them. Yet they did not yell for help, did not bring their daughter away, did not call the guy a predator.

Maybe they were proud of the attention and success their daughter was gaining, maybe they knew that those two would start an affair anyway so they decided to leave them alone in good faith. In any case, they should have known better.

We are speaking of a famous artist, who worked for television and cinema, which made him some kind of demi-god in the eyes of many, a genius - and whatever a genius wants must be right and you can’t deny it to him or you’re doubting his superior intellect, aren’t you? If the actress had dared to speak about how he was treating her while the relationship was ongoing, she most certainly wouldn’t been believed.

But it’s not like the actresses’ parents pushed their daughter in to a predator’s arms. It was her choice. For whatever reason, her parents relented. It is not known why.

In the case of Doillon, there was an entire crew on the sets of these movies. Why did no one say anything? Doillon was in a committed relationship with actress Jane Birkin at the time, who was working on set as an assistant and had to witness everything he was doing to his teenage co-star. She finally wrote about it in her memoirs, in 2018. Not one of these adults seemed to wonder what that middle-aged guy was thinking of, groping and kissing a young girl.

Female Dignity

Director Jacquot said repeatedly that it had all been consensual and that it had been “love” between them. But from her words, the actress had agreed to sexual practices she didn’t like at all: she hadn’t dared to say no. It’s a dilemma many females find themselves into. They agree to a relationship and then are afraid of losing the guy, of disappointing him, of being called “wrong”, silly, inhibited, boring etc. for not wanting this or that sexual act. For many guys, consent stops at the bedroom door. Once they have a female at their mercy, they believe they can expect her to behave like the insatiable whore they crave. The fantasy is as old as the world: allegedly, “men need it”. Meaning that often, female is expected to close her eyes, grit her teeth and go through with it.

Considering their age, the directors were young during the sexual revolution. And while that period in history did a lot of good, it also did a lot of bad. Its worst mistake, in my opinion, is that it enthusiastically propagated the idea “women are like men.” Many females adapted to this by aping men in appearance and conduct; some do it to this day. For the men who bought into it, the result seemed to be an endless eldorado of sexual opportunities.

No more stops.

No more moralizing.

Females need sex exactly when and how the males want it, don’t they?

Great.

Then let’s do it.

Why hesitate, when both (allegedly) want exactly the same?

Many females had to learn the fault in that approach the hard way.

Female dignity doesn’t have a price tag attached to it. It’s priceless. No female ought to throw it out of the window believing she might be missing out if she doesn’t. And starting an affair as a teenager with a much older man who is also her boss, i.e. from whom she’s totally dependent, definitively means throwing herself away.

It’s not a sign of weakness, inhibition and / or cowardice when you think before you have sex with someone, in particular if it’s someone superior to you due to age, influence, power etc. It’s being responsible and having regard for your female dignity. There is much more at stake than an unwanted pregnancy or STD. If a guy has power over you, you must be damn sure that he won’t misuse it. Bad sexual experiences can be traumatizing. And it is a known fact that most rapes don’t happen in dark alleyways but in marriages, committed relationships, between relatives, neighbors, friends of the family, all kinds of people the female believed she could trust.

I’m not speaking of actual BDSM games here: there are rules about consensual acts between adults who are actually into that. However, from how the actress speaks about it now, that was assuredly not the case here. Being mauled and coerced during sexual activities is never fun, and certainly not for an inexperienced girl. It’s painful and degrading, and an abuser knows that she won’t dare to speak up but rather put a good face on the matter. After all, it was her choice, wasn’t it?

Of one thing she may be sure: he is having fun. He is enjoying the fact that a young, fresh and inexperienced girl put herself into his hands. He may do whatever he wants with her and believe that since it’s so good for him, it must be good for her, too.

Whatever the sexual revolution has tried to tell us ever since: no, female sexuality does not work like male sexuality. A female is always in a more vulnerable position, both emotionally and physically. For the male, there is almost always an orgasm implied if he has sex; for the female, it takes longer and is more complicated. And nothing is worse for any kind of sex activity than feeling coerced to do it.

Conclusion

We are speaking about a relationship that was (and by today’s standards still is) legal. Nobody knew what was going on in the bedroom until recently. And even now that it’s known, legally speaking it’s not changing anything.

Any person, a teenage girl and also a much older guy interested in guy, ought to have a moral compass. “But it’s legal”, is like saying “I’m only making sure I’m on the safe side and no one can blame me.”

Many things are technically legal but not morally right. Relying on common sense instead of hormones, or letting oneself be blinded by the grandeur that seems to surround any famous artist, might be a start.

By now, other actresses have spoken up and said that these two artists had molested them, too. Had Godrèche spoken up earlier, at least she might have protected other young girls. This is another aspect that makes her silence all the more uncomfortable. In the past, public opinion saw her as an actress, a star; now she’s additionally been made a heroine. She sees herself as a victim, never minding her own choices at that time. In any case, the spotlight is on her.

Of course, every case is different. I don’t deny that there are certainly many cases of actual victims of predation who didn’t know how to help themselves, and they did and do need help and empathy. It’s very possible that Godrèche is one of them; I’m not saying she’s lying.

But I have known girls that age who were everything but sweet innocents who didn’t know what was happening when a much older man approached them. They agreed enthusiastically, and if at the time they didn’t know what they were getting into, the reason was that they didn’t want to know, even if it wasn’t difficult to imagine.

If a girl chooses to burn her midnight oil with an older guy, I won’t be the one to feel sorry for her. You desired a much older guy (and you became rich and famous through him). You did what you wanted; at the time you said it was cool and you were having loads of fun.

There was a price? You pay it. Don’t expect my compassion.

I’m retiring to the Middle Ages now, thank you.

#metoo #me too movement #juliette godreche #jacques doillon #benoît jacquot #french film #sexual revolution

[ariainstars]

Gorgeous art... a pity we never got to see Ben Solo being a dad. 😥

BE STILL MY REYLO HEART 🥹

Credit: Kasiopea Art (X)

#reblog #fanart #reylo #ben solo #kylo ren #star wars #sw #star wars sequels #rey #family life #reylo child #kasiopea star wars

[ariainstars]

Father and son. 😊😍

Art for the @clanoftwozine

The translation of the mandoa on the left is: “I would not change my path, because it lead me to you.”

#reblog #fanart #the mandalorian #mando #grogu #baby yoda #star wars #sw #clan of two

[ariainstars]

Always had a weakness for the captain. 😀

#albator #captain harlock #arcadia #leiji matsumoto #leijiverse #Endless Odyssey #fanart #reblog

[ariainstars]

Georgeous art. 🥰

"Someone to crowd you with love Someone to force you to care" full only on patreon

#rwrb #alexander claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #red white and royal blue #casey mcquiston #fanart #stephen sondheim #being alive #company #artwork #artoftheday #drawing #rwrb fanart

[ariainstars]

Two generations of Star Wars. 😉

Natalie Portman & Pedro Pascal for Vanity Fair

#natalie portman #pedro pascal #sw #star wars #vanity fair #gifset #star wars prequels #the mandalorian

[ariainstars]

Jane Austen: Too Much of a Good Thing

Sorry I'm ranting.

Uff. I've had it. I have just decided that I'm fed up.

I'm sick of Jane Austen.

There. I've said it.

Seriously, what’s the matter? You can’t go a step without stumbling over Jane Austen and her characters.

In particular, Pride and Prejudice. It’s a good novel but these days I come across it in social media so often I can’t stand it anymore. There is just no escape. No fandom seems to be without an Austen crossover and / or reference.

For the record:

The overused dialogues between the two protagonists count up to five. Elizabeth spends more time thinking about Darcy and speaking about him than actually interacting with him.

Elisabeth was uninterested in Darcy and even annoyed at him until she saw his beautiful grounds at Pemberley. (She’s so not materialistic, oh no, she loves him purely for himself.)

The infamous scene where he turns up at her place to make an impassioned declaration of love drenched in rain is from a movie. It doesn’t appear in the novel at all.

Fitzwilliam is not exactly an exciting name. Does anyone believe he likes being called “Oh, Mr Darcy” in the bedroom?

Jane Austen is a fine novelist. I have read all of her works. That doesn’t mean she’s the only good writer when it comes to romance, not even historical romance. Whether she’s the best is up to anybody’s guess (and taste).

I have decided that I will quit reading fanfiction or meta's of any kind as soon as the name “Austen” or one of the titles of her novels or names of her characters drop.

Please. Read something else. Watch something else. Quote someone else.

There is Georgette Heyer (I love the absurd situations she sometimes depicts), the Brontë sisters, George Eliot. I loved Daphne duMaurier's Rebecca, and L.M. Montgomery's The Blue Castle.

Too much of the same kind of food makes one sick. Jane Austen is certainly making me feel sick by now.

Or at least, someone please explain to me where this obsession comes from, because I certainly can’t. All I know is that I’m fed up.

Seriously: if I ever quote or refer to anything from Jane Austen from now on, you’re welcome to beat me up.

Good night.

#rant #literature #jane austen #p&p #fitzwilliam darcy #elizabeth bennet #romance novels #historical novels #fanfiction #fandom

[ariainstars]

Omega from "The Bad Batch" - beautiful art 🥰

Can't cage a child meant for the stars

#sw #star wars #the bad batch #omega #reblog #fanart

[ariainstars]

I like this colorful depiction of the Force. 😍

A dyad in the Force

#reblog #fanart #reylo #sw #star wars #rey #rey palpatine #ben solo #kylo ren

[ariainstars]

Reblogging for Valentine's day.

How to Portray Real Love - and How Not to

Warning: long post.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

To anyone who loves this movie:

I will not apologize for what I am going to write. It’s my own take, yes, but in my opinion all of this ought to be obvious to anyone watching the movie.

I will not refer to André Aciman’s book, not having read it.

I am Italian and I grew up in places like we see in the movie. I’m not denying that the way it’s shot and the general atmosphere are often gorgeous, but that was not sufficient to convince me, probably because I’m used to it.

What This is Not: Grooming / Sexual Predation

Reading up reactions to this movie, I have stumbled often over criticism about the age gap between the two protagonists. In my opinion this is beside the point: we are speaking of 7 years, not of a generational gap, and Oliver is still a student. Elio is mature for his age, and after some initial reticence, he approaches Oliver by himself over and over. His family knows and encourages (or at least doesn't oppose) them, and Elio has more than one opportunity to say no, which he doesn’t take.

Oliver is not a predator. He’s confused, but that’s not because he doesn't feel the attraction between himself and Elio: he simply doesn’t understand it.

Elephant in the room no. 1: Oliver is a bad person.

Oliver comes across as irreverent and self-absorbed. He does not respect boundaries, does not knock on doors, does not fit in with the lifestyle and customs of his hosts, only occasionally he does things that will make people think well of him. Early in their acquaintance he expects Elio to tell him what he is going on in his head but doesn't do the same in return (he never does, even later); his entire behaviour seems to be aimed at irritating and challenging his surroundings.

There is no depth in Oliver, no creativity, contrarily to Elio who already composes at age 17; somehow Oliver seems to know that he is the inferior one. At times he is downright offensive to Elio, for no reason at all, like he wasn’t a guest in their house. Oliver moves around in a foreign place like everybody owes him; he does not wonder, question, ask for explanations. He plays with Elio’s youthful insecurity, who is still hardly shaving and feels in the shadow of Oliver’s allegedly superior manliness. It is not surprising that to Elio he soon appears as some kind of handsome, unreachable prince.

Oliver is the kind of person who manages, on purpose or not, to convince the people around him that he is someone special, irresistible, and that being his friend or lover is a privilege. Elio falls for it, and Oliver picks the fruit of that attraction. Oliver does not love Elio because he does not love anyone, being too busy with thinking of himself.

At first Elio doesn’t like him; he notices that although Oliver never shows regard for anyone, he gets away with it. Elio’s family and friends fall for his self-assuredness and expect him to befriend Oliver. Piqued by the fact that Elio is the only person who is wary around him (with good reason!), Oliver repeatedly behaves in a way that frustrates Elio, repeatedly invading his private space, ignoring his limits, alternating insults with niceties, giving him attention one minute and completely ignoring him the next. And he never seems scheming picking at Elio’s insecurities whenever he gets a pass: it’s like second nature to him. He doesn’t do it because he loves Elio and doesn’t want to admit it, because he’s scared or something like that; he does it because he can, and because it works. He wants Elio to look up to him the way everybody does. After a while, the insecure Elio gets obsessed with wanting the older man’s approval.

Oliver starts a relationship with Elio knowing that the younger man has a girlfriend; he doesn’t even ask about her, whether Elio broke up with her etc. Oliver seems to believe that Elio owes him his undivided attention. By keeping their relationship a secret, Oliver makes the hapless Elio his accomplice. Even if he wanted to or if he would slowly begin to suspect that something's not right, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. No one would believe him anyway, since everybody thinks the world of Oliver.

Oliver humiliates Elio, who by then is his lover, when he finds out about the peach: he laughs at him, not with him. (Why was Elio masturbating anyway, while he was in a sexual relationship?) When they are in Bergamo Oliver starts partying with random strangers on the street (with a woman!) when Elio is about to be sick: an observant lover would have noticed it before it was too late. Although they live under the same roof, he never sleeps in the same bed with him but gets up earlier, even when they are sharing a hotel room. He never tells Elio what is making him refrain from intimacy.

Oliver destroys Elio’s creativity by commenting negatively both on his composition and his impassioned love letter; we never see the young man making music or writing again. Shouldn’t a person in requited love feel inspired and happy and want to sing and play all day long? That he gives up on his interests already foreshadows the deep depression Elio is destined to fall into.

Viewers who love this movie like to argue that Oliver is so distant because he’s afraid of hurting Elio or shy because he’s in the closet. But it’s plain to see that Oliver knows exactly what he’s doing. He just doesn’t understand why because he’s not the kind of person who second-guesses himself. He’s controlling a power play with a younger man, probably because he doesn’t know how to have a genuine relationship with anyone. And Elio is too defenceless against him. When his mother comes to pick him up at the railway station and his voice breaks on the phone, it becomes clear what a child Elio still is interiorly. He didn’t grow up through this relationship. He didn’t know what he was getting into and is paying the full price for another man’s egotism.

As the movie comes to a close, we can see that what he and Elio shared did hit Oliver harder than he had expected, but not enough for him to change, or only to reflect about it. Oliver is not aware of what he’s doing to Elio; to him everything is fun and games while to Elio it’s a life-changing experience.

Elephant in the room no. 2: Elio is not in love, he’s hooked.

Elio begins to imitate Oliver like a younger brother would do with the older - he smokes, wears a Jewish symbol on a chain, he has sex with Marzia only to prove a point because he knows Oliver had sex with Chiara. After a while, he gets obsessed with wanting the older man’s approval, for him to see him as an equal instead of an annoying boy he can either ignore or boss around.

Being both intellectual and highly sensitive, Elio believes that the more experienced and seemingly more mature Oliver must know the answers to life’s most burning questions; which Oliver doesn’t, as much as Elio wishes he would.

There isn’t the slightest sign of genuine love coming from Oliver; he only takes. Elio, being a giving, honest person, falls into a trap. Oliver has caught Elio and also half a dozen other people in his net, but he never had the slightest intention to put his roots down and actually like anyone back. Oliver’s attitude towards Elio is avoidant, but that is not because he wants to prevent him or himself from getting hurt; it’s because he doesn’t want to get attached and have to face the consequences.

In the scene where we first see Oliver interact with the family, he says at breakfast that he shouldn’t eat an egg because otherwise he’ll eat two, three, and more until they will have to roll him away. This already shows what kind of person Oliver is: he doesn’t know when to stop. Elio mistakenly believes that this lack of restrain, this want of limits is a sign of superior maturity and self-assuredness. He won’t realize to the last that in truth this attitude shows nothing short of a total lack of responsibility.

Elio says so to his father once: he does not play poker. Oliver is a poker player through and through. Despite the poetic request to “call him by his name”, Oliver remains shrouded in mystery. He does not change; while Elio wakes up, both sexually and emotionally.

There also is the symbolism: the dying fish gasping its least breath with eyes wide open (symbolizing Elio), the bronze statue (symbolizing Oliver). The connection is made by the fact that both tokens come from the water.

All Elio wanted was someone he could love; all Oliver wanted and expected was to spend a good time in Italy with no strings attached. Which also is why we hardly see him working and studying, the way he’s supposed to. After all he did to Elio, his final revelation that he has a girlfriend and is about to marry her is only the coup de grâce.

Elephant in the room no. 3: Elio’s father is a fool.

I couldn’t bring myself to admire Elio’s father for what he said to his son, presumably wanting to comfort him: that “it had been a particularly beautiful thing between them”, and “he wished he would have made such an experience.”

How does he know what happened in detail? Does he know what is in these two young men’s hearts? Does he know about the humiliations Oliver inflicted on Elio? Probably not, but in any case, Oliver has given him no reason to believe that he’s a good person the way he claims.

We did not see father and son interact at all before this scene. All we learn is that both Elio’s parents expect their son to be nice to their guest and to befriend him, and that they don’t mind if there is more than friendship. We never learn whether Elio’s father loves him and cares for him (at least his mother shows affection from time to time). Imagine needing to have your entire world and happiness destroyed just so your father will finally give you some attention and kindness.

Elio’s father never changes his mind, even when he learns that Oliver is getting married. A caring, responsible father would have opened his son’s eyes about the fact that he was used and then discarded. I have no clue as to why any queer person would want their parent to do anything like that to them, leaving their heart open to bleed.

Add to this that he does not ask whether they used protection. The movie is set in 1983, and the first AIDS wave struck in 1981. Papa Perlman doesn’t seem to mind that his son might have caught a horrible, incurable disease, all that matters is that his son had sex with another male. Yay. (Maybe he believes in the adage that true love exists only between members of the same sex, who knows.)

I guess this little speech is meant to be politically correct. Woe if you dare to see the dysfunction in a relationship when it’s same-sex.

Elephant in the room no. 4: Elio did not need Oliver.

When we meet him, Elio is well-educated, living in a beautiful place where he also grew up, he has a supportive family, enough free time (they even have servants), he’s healthy and serene and he has a girlfriend. He’s intelligent, well-learned and creative.

When we last see him, he’s devastated, staring into the fire and crying for minutes on end.

Oliver is not a sexual predator. He’s a textbook manipulator, the sexual part isn’t even what it’s about. Manipulators may want money, sex, attention from their victims or a combination of these, but what they always want is power. They rejoice in the knowledge that their prey can’t live without them, at least not happily. Just imagine the pain Elio must feel now every time someone says his own name, or when he goes to his “special place” by the creek! He can’t compose, play the guitar or write any more, because everything reminds him of Oliver. And all of the time, Oliver had the chance to either avoid a relationship with him or to let go once he had left him; but you need some basic common decency for that.

Oliver realized quickly that Elio, though younger, is much better than he is, healthier, smarter, more accomplished, more innocent, honest and kind-hearted. Oliver took all that, used it or destroyed it and left Elio in the shards of his former self, no longer in a position to enjoy the things and the people he used to love, tortured additionally by the knowledge that Oliver is about to marry someone else, i.e. that Elio apparently wasn’t good enough for him. Elio ends like a modern Pygmalion, crying about the fact that all of his love could not bring the object of his adoration to life.

Elephant in the room no. 5: Elio is not gay, he’s bisexual. (Maybe.)

Elio has a girlfriend when we first meet him; it is also hinted at that before Marzia, he was with Chiara. No sign of a boyfriend anywhere. No sign even of some brotherly male friend to whom he might feel unconsciously attracted.

Elio enjoyed his first sexual experience with Marzia, we hear him cry out “That feels so good!” He then starts an affair with Oliver, but nothing suggests that he likes it any better. Yes, he keeps sleeping with him, not with her; but she didn’t manipulate him for weeks into believing that without her he would be missing out, the way Oliver did.

If Oliver was a woman of 24 years who would seduce Elio, dragging him away from his girlfriend, and then dumping him to marry another guy, everybody would call her a heartless bitch. In this case, Elio’s supposed sexual awakening supersedes everything else. Which is probably the main reason why so many viewers insist that there was nothing wrong and unhealthy between them. The relationship between Elio and Oliver can’t have been sick and dysfunctional, because Elio apparently “needed to experience that he's gay (or bi).” Never mind that he was traumatized for life.

In the end, Elio is alone; Oliver has left him for good, and he can’t go back to Marzia. Had Oliver not interfered Elio might have missed out a nuance on his sexuality, but he wouldn't have had his heart broken, and he would have a girlfriend who is a sweet and kind girl, never manipulates him and even offers him friendship and comfort after he dumped her for no reason (after having taken her virginity no less).

Another problem: the culture clash.

Italy and Elio’s family welcome Oliver with open arms; they invite him to come back next year, they encourage his feelings for Elio. Oliver never opens up. He does not speak about his thoughts; he never mentions that he has a girlfriend at home. Only in the end we learn that his family seems to be very bigoted. Which is of course awful, but as a viewer I couldn’t feel sorry for him. This is something that in all fairness he should have told Elio from the start, before playing fast and loose with a young man who was obviously smitten with him.

Oliver is a consumerist, diametrically opposed to the deep soul of Elio, a young man who grew up surrounded by nature, living in a house and near cities that feel timeless. Oliver tells Elio once that his family had welcomed him like he was a son-in-law, but this only shows that Oliver has no clue about Italian mentality; else he would know that it is second nature to most Italians to be welcoming and to make acquaintances part of the family quickly. That he believes they did so specifically with him only reflects his arrogance.

On a side note: in Italy the paragraph against homosexuality fell in 1890, and this movie is set almost a century later. And Oliver was introduced to an elderly gay couple who are friends of the family, emphasizing that Elio’s family doesn’t have the slightest issue with same-sex relationships. So, we are not speaking of star-crossed lovers. Had he wanted to, Oliver could have moved to Italy leaving his bigoted background behind, finding both a better family and a partner who would do anything in his power to make him happy. But that would also have meant having to give up on something, and Oliver is not the kind of person who would accept any kind of sacrifice, not even for his own sake. He will rather see to it that the price for his choices is paid by someone else.

Also problematic: attitude towards females.

The way both Oliver and Elio treat the women in their lives is downright awful. Oliver flirts with Chiara and in return, Elio soon brags how he “almost had sex with Marzia”. It is clear enough that they only do it when the other is watching; they do not care about the girls, both only want to show off their sex lives.

Sex has no real value for Oliver; he tells Elio that he should better “try and fail with Marzia than not try at all”. He does not consider that having your first time and be in an actual relationship is serious stuff. It ought to be something two people do together, not a challenge of sorts.

Although with Marzia it’s the first time for both of them, Elio obviously does not care for her - he did not even recognize her voice on the phone and did not react when she told him she didn’t want to suffer because of him. His next thought is that he wants Oliver, not her. He even has sex with Marzia all the while watching the clock for the appointment at midnight Oliver gave him. (What for, anyway? Distraction? As a training object?) His obsession with Oliver makes him selfish and false. And Oliver has tied his invitation to another insult, “Grow up.” Elio is seventeen and he has sex with both a female and a male within the course of 24 hours. Why - out of pique, to prove Oliver that he is indeed grown-up and that he is not ‘too scared to do it’?

Oliver does not offer Elio or his family friendship; he does not even call or write a postcard from his home to let them know that he came back home safely. Ironically, it is Marzia who offers her friendship and comforts the heartbroken Elio, although she would have every reason to resent him. She is more mature and responsible than both Elio and Oliver although she is Elio’s age. Which makes his behaviour towards her only feel more unfair; but I guess viewers must expect her to accept that because what she and Elio shared was not the alleged “true love” he had with Oliver.

A few months after Oliver went back home, we learn that he is about to hurt the next person - a woman with whom he will start a loveless marriage. (We learn that he was in an on-off relationship with her for years, which fits the picture perfectly; Oliver would not want to miss out on anything.)

Elio’s father gives a monologue that reflects his marriage in an awful way: apparently it does not make him happy because it makes him feel like he missed out on the experience of “real love” (whatever he believes that is). His wife is a good person and a good mother and does not deserve to be dismissed like that.

This Is Not a Love Story.

There may be different ways of interpreting it, but this movie is not about love, i.e. honest, deep feelings and commitment for one another. It isn’t romantic or poetic or tragic. It’s about a lot of pain that could have been avoided.

Oliver is not a groomer who takes advantage of a younger and less experienced guy. If Elio was a few years older, Oliver would still be a bad person. Consider that no one seems to realize what an egotist he is, including the many adults he meets! Piqued by Elio’s resistance, Oliver would certainly still try to make a pass at Elio, except that if the latter was older, he would be more mature, and possibly also have, by now, a secure attachment with Marzia (or someone else). I do think that a relationship between a 17-year-old and a 24-year-old could work well, provided both are honest and loyal persons. What makes this story problematic is not grooming or sexual predation on Oliver’s part. It is the relationship itself between these two that is utterly dysfunctional; which is, I daresay, what actually makes so many viewers feel uneasy about it the way I did.

Real love looks different; it does not only leave pain and “what if”s behind. Oliver sweeps into a foreign family and culture like a storm, takes what he can, and after him the deluge. While Elio is changed for life, Oliver just runs off to the next best thing, still not ready to change, take responsibility, or at least apologize for having used a younger man for an affair before agreeing to a socially acceptable marriage with a woman.

The musical theme of the movie is “Mystery of Love”. Why? Fantasizing about someone you never really get to know because they never open up to you is not love. How can there be love without honesty, loyalty and trust? Elio never grows beyond the first phase of a romantic relationship where you still idealize the other, instead of seeing them for how they truly are. And Oliver doesn’t even reach that phase.

We are supposed to feel for Oliver and Elio them because they are “star crossed”; I can’t bring myself to do that. Oliver is too immature to be honest with Elio and to keep him at arm’s length to prevent him from hurt; while Elio is not grown and strong enough to fight for their love. He does not even confront him when he tells him he is about to get married (which also implies that he will not come back). Not for one moment seems Elio to realize that he was betrayed, used and dumped. Instead, he keeps believing that he missed out on something that could have been wonderful.

If you are in a problematic relationship, there are only two options: either you renounce because you don’t want to make the other unhappy, or you fight for your love. Nurturing false hopes, allowing love to make its way into the heart of a naïve, well-meaning young person and then let him fall like a hot potato is the last thing anyone ought to do.

When Oliver tells Elio on the phone that he forgot nothing, it only makes Elio suffer more. A mature, caring person could have told his former lover to get over him, and that he was grateful for the time passed together. There is not gratitude in Oliver’s words; he ties Elio to him again, knowing that the younger man would be his at the lift of a finger. During the phone call, he does not even have the politeness to ask how everybody is doing. As usual, it is all about him. Oliver may be the victim of his family’s bigotry, but I cannot bring myself to feel with someone who is so utterly selfish and irresponsible. At least now that it's clear that he’s not coming back, he should have the decency to let go.

It is certainly true - as Elio’s father said - that it’s better to accept one’s pain than to turn away from it, but there’s another aspect to this. The easiest way to unhappiness is holding on to something (or someone) you can’t have, respectively that never existed in the first place. Elio never gets over his feelings and they make him suffer still decades later, proving that the brief happiness was not worth the pain. What Elio feels at the end is not the normal heartache everybody goes through after a break-up: he’s traumatized because his budding personality was crushed and he has nothing to hold on to or to look forward anymore.

I wonder why this movie is even called a love story. There is mutual attraction, fascination, erotic tension, but all of this doesn’t add to love. I see no reason why anyone should love someone like Oliver, and I can’t understand why Oliver does not love Elio back, who shared everything he was with him.

This movie may be interesting, but in my opinion it’s not romantic at all and I see no reason to sigh and wax poetic about it like 95 % of the audience seems to. If anything, it’s a warning to not confuse obsession and idealization with actual caring.

I wonder why the LGBT+ community does not hate this movie.

I have often heard that gay men are supposedly straight until they meet someone who is older and more experienced who seduces them and “makes them gay”. I always found this to be a narrow-minded prejudice, and thought that any queer person must find such an idea insulting to say the least. But this is exactly what is being portrayed here. And almost no one, queer or straight, seems to have the slightest problem with it.

~ * ~ * ~ *

Red, White and Royal Blue (2023)

Of course, this is a modern fairy tale and it’s set in an alternative universe. Let me just point out the differences to the above-mentioned movie, and why this is a much more genuine portrayal of romantic love.

Since the story is about the son of a female US president who is running for her second term and the offspring of a conservative British peerage family, the conflict goes without saying; there is no wondering about what is making their relationship difficult.

Alex, once in a same-sex relationship, embraces his bisexuality wholeheartedly. He does not fall into a crisis and does not mess around with any girl. He knows that Henry is who he wants.

In this movie there is also a cultural slash between a Texan American and a British peer, but there is nothing offensive about it; usually it’s just played for fun, like when Alex doesn’t know what a maypole is and Henry teases him about it.

How much wiser and more to the point is Ellen’s reaction: she simply tells her son that “such a relationship will define his life”. Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing that she asks him whether they used protection, but at least it shows that she cares for his safety.

Side note: all women in this movie are treated with respect, not looked down upon, used and discarded.

Alex does not make Henry feel bad about his accomplishments. He admires him playing polo, he loves listening to him when he plays the piano, although Alex can do neither.

When Henry comes to visit Alex in Texas, he adapts by wearing casual clothing, drinking, singing, playing, swimming with the others. He’s just himself and there is nothing of his usual detachment about him, on the contrary, he obviously feels happy with the chance to just be a young man like any other. Compare this to Oliver’s attitude of haughty superiority in his host’s place, behaving like he was a prince everyone must look up to (which he isn’t, contrarily to Henry).

These men are both adults who know what they are doing; none shows off as being superior and they never come across as selfish and mean. Initially Henry is detached and stiff-necked, while Alex pettily takes offense at something that happened years earlier; but all of that quickly changes. The two young men open up, become more relaxed and much more themselves through being together. Since they started as rivals, they know each other’s faults and never for a moment fall into the trap of idealization. Their connection feels much more genuine and intimate than Oliver’s and Elio’s although technically, they spend less time together.

Their relationship is also much more fun; Alex and Henry banter, tease one another and laugh a lot. Being in a long-distance relationship they write each other e-mails and texts, and they have conversations over the phone still when they’re barely friends. They talk a lot about personal issues, never skirting or avoiding. They keep eye contact, their hands touch, they hug outside of sexual contact, they sleep in the same bed whenever they can. The power dynamics between them are healthy, and it is made abundantly clear that the basis for their relationship is honest, trusting friendship.

Shortly after having started an actual relationship with Henry, Alex plunges into his Texas campaign; he wants to use his influence as the president’s son to do good for other people. Henry’s philanthropic work and his overall influence inspire Alex to do more for his fellowmen, too.

When Henry panics and runs in the face of a declaration of love, Alex confronts him right away. Alex is willing to fight for his love. He „flies across an ocean and storms a f…ing palace“, in his words, to tell Henry he won’t give up on him.

As they say goodbye at the airport both gift one another what means most to them - ring and key. Alex until then never took his key chain off, never, not even when he was swimming or having sex. Alex’s last virtue is patience, yet he is willing to wait.

In the end the shy, introverted Henry says, “I will no longer be the prince of shame and secrets” finally confronting his worst fear, that his subjects may no longer like him.

Which is where we reach the bottom line.

„Real love“ is not defined by how deep, desperate and or romantic your feelings are.

Real love makes you a better, stronger and more mature person.

Red, White and Royal Blue is an actual, real and inspiring love story. Call Me by Your Name is a slap in the face.

#reblog #essay #movie essay #psychology #grooming #abuse #dysfunctinal relationship #film analysis #romantic love #romance #same-sex #call me by your name #luca guadagnino #james ivory #thimothee chalamet #armie hammer #movie comparison #manipulation #narcissisim #andré aciman #toxic relationship #red white and royal blue #cmbyn #rwrb #matthew lopez #casey mcquiston #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #firstprince #henry fox

[ariainstars]

Gorgeous art! 😍

Happy Valentine's Day Reylos!

What if Luke didn't happen... sigh

(just a quick thought and I'm back to my story, the next part - four panels should be ready soon - stay tuned)

#fanart #reylo #sw #star wars #the last jedi #star wars sequels #rey #rey palpatine #ben solo #kylo ren