#((hopefully i can see it w/ my friend while she's here for summer break~~))

[i-wanna-hug]

♪┏ ( ･o･) ┛♪ come on barbie let's go party ♪┗ (･o･ ) ┓♪

#barbie #barbie movie #barbie 2023 #my art #((sooo excited for this movie the outfits are so so cute and the prop design looks amazing)) #((hopefully i can see it w/ my friend while she's here for summer break~~))

[seyaryminamoto]

The Shadows in her Reflection: Sokkla Saturdays 2023

Day 4: Summer

Rated: M

On FF.net//On AO3

"He ran off with her?! He… he wasn't her prisoner but her ally all along?!"

Zuko's temper flared at any given trigger, but Azula tended to be the worst of them all. Now, though, he was presented with a new challenge in the form of learning that Azula apparently had more unexpected support than ever before, in any of their clashes: it appeared that Sokka had revealed to Kuei that he had run off willingly with Azula from the very start…

And they had escaped together now, again, according to the guards who had found Azula's cell door had been busted. Zuko had no idea where they'd gone or why, exactly, they were running together in the first place. He had sent his guards to search for them, as had Kuei, but who knew if they'd come by any clues or not…

"I cannot understand it any more than you do! She has poisoned his mind somehow, manipulated him into thinking ill of his past allies, like me!" Kuei squealed. "I… I bet she seduced him! Women like her cannot be trusted to be above such practices…!"

"She… huh?! You're talking about my sister here!" Zuko seemed to be on the verge of throwing up at the very notion that whatever connection existed between his sister and his friend might be of a carnal nature… "She doesn't need to sleep with anyone to have her way!"

"But I bet it wouldn't hurt much, you know? If she did," Toph interjected, carelessly.

Zuko shot her a confused stare. She smiled at him, sensing she had his attention. They were still sitting in a Palace living room. Zuko's forces had already taken off to canvass the city's outskirts while Kuei's soldiers searched inside Ba Sing Se, looking for any tracks or signs of where Azula and Sokka had run to after breaking out of prison. But Toph betrayed no eagerness to track them down… something that hadn't truly sunken in on Zuko so far.

"I know you love making fun of me, Toph, but maybe it's not the right time for it right now," he said, shaking his head. "Azula isn't that kind of person, and I'd love to think Sokka wouldn't get swept up in something like that… I mean, isn't he with Suki?"

"Sounds like he's not, actually," Toph said. Zuko's eyes widened. "When we talked, it sounded like that's over. I figured he was cheating on her with Azula at first too, you know…"

"W-why would you…?! Hell, what's the matter with all of you?!" Zuko winced, glaring at Kuei too. "Azula doesn't think with… her loins? Ugh! I don't even want to think of it! Stop bringing that up, it makes me sick!"

"Oh, come on, Sparky… you don't have to be so prudish. Would it bug you that much if I told you that I'd gladly go wild on you if I had the chance?"

Both Zuko and Kuei froze on the spot. Toph smirked, hands behind her head: she was definitely making progress here. Enough progress to hopefully secure an escape for those two…

"T-the hell?" Zuko said: his heart was pounding. Oh, she almost felt bad for this, but it was even endearing to find the Fire Lord would get nervous that way over being at the receiving end of shameless, bold flirting.

"What'd you mean, 'the hell'? Aren't you supposed to be a catch?" Toph smiled. "I'd like to know why! And as I can't even see if you're handsome, whatever that even amounts to, to begin with, might as well just figure out why you're appealing the only way I can, right?"

"Y-you…! What? Toph…!"

"You, uh, could leave that odd flirting for later, couldn't you?" asked Kuei, clearly off-put by the conversation topic. Zuko's face couldn't have been redder.

"Why? Prude King," Toph smirked. "Big deal, if I want to bang my friend…"

"You don't! S-stop saying that! You're just trying to embarrass me!" Zuko exclaimed, a hand up his forehead: Toph's laughter certainly didn't help dissuade him from his convictions that she was merely teasing him. "Ugh! Back to the subject! How did they get out in the first place?!"

"Why, I wish I knew. He must have had some strange invention on him…" said Kuei, scowling. "Something with which he melted the door's lock from the outside, but… it's strange. They checked him thoroughly, and while he was wearing some Dai Li uniform that was entirely out of place, he wasn't concealing any secret weapons or so. I don't know…"

"Wait. The door's lock?" Zuko said, brow furrowing. "It was… tampered with? Damaged?"

"It was, indeed," Kuei said. "I… I'll go check out if anyone has any new leads, if you'd like. I never meant to lose her, but at this point…! Well, I'll make sure to catch her before she slips out of the city, promised thing!"

Zuko's eyebrow twitched, but he nodded at Kuei: something had changed in him. Something dark, and swirling, and…

And that he meant to unleash upon his friend, once Kuei had left the room.

"Toph…" he said, with a fist tight, as he stepped close to her. She bit her lip. "The lock was… busted?"

"You know… I've held a torch for you since we were kids," Toph started saying, toying with a strand of her hair carelessly. Zuko's face contorted with frustration and outrage. "I don't know what it was, maybe the sound of your voice, or…"

"Toph! Did you break her out yourself?!"

Toph bit her lip… before nodding, a wicked smirk across her features. Zuko's jaw dropped.

"Why? Why?! Toph…!"

"I'll explain one day, maybe, but for now… you have your hands full trying to catch them as it is, don't you? What does it matter, why I did it or why I didn't…?"

"It's bad enough for Sokka to be in her pocket! You too?!" Zuko exclaimed, striking the wall right beside Toph with a spread palm. He glared at her closely, and she didn't even flinch.

"You know… this is how they started out, too," Toph smirked. "I helped him, even then. Pinned her to a wall for him, so he could get all close and personal with her, in the tunnels during the Invasion… nice of you to do the same thing. Here I thought I was the only one interested, but I guess I'm not."

Zuko gritted his teeth: he impulsively wanted to pull back, just to flee from her wild accusations or claims… but he couldn't afford to stop challenging her this time. Instead, he leaned closer still, as though to call her bluff – and perhaps it really was one, because she seemed slightly uncomfortable when he failed to run away bashfully, for once, before speaking with a deep, stern, authoritarian voice:

"Why did you do it… and where the hell did they go, Toph? Where the blazes is my sister?"

Toph breathed deeply: disquieting as his stubbornness might be, she didn't back down from challenges, not without issuing one of her own.

"Just what are you willing to do to find out, Zuko?"

___________________

Fleeing from Fire Nation soldiers certainly was something Sokka and Azula had in common, even if they'd never done it together: she used to be the one hunting him, back in the days of the war, and then she was the one who fled from her brother's forces, after the war ended…

Winding up dangling on a rope, under a bridge, holding onto Sokka for dear life as the troops struggled to find them, on the suspended bridge over a tall cliff, came as a surprise even when their circumstances had changed as much as they had recently. After going on the road again, bereft of the hot-air balloon they hadn't had the chance to retrieve, the pair were left with no choice but to run on foot… and that meant dodging and avoiding patrols from either the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation. This time, it was the latter.

"Where did they go?! They came right here!" screamed one of the soldiers, stomping on the bridge: it shifted, and Azula gritted her teeth as she pressed tighter to Sokka still: if they fell, they'd fall together. He was holding her firmly with one arm as the other grabbed the rope, which he had fastened over his wrist multiple times. It would hurt to hold their weight for that long… but the bastards had to leave soon. They had to go. They wouldn't stay on the bridge forever…

"Maybe they jumped, sir?" suggested a nervous soldier.

"Into the river, from this distance?" asked the leader: he scowled as he scrutinized the stream, so far away, so far below them… there was no sign of the people they were hunting there.

He snarled, shaking his head: it was their only lead. Maybe the river moved faster than it looked.

"Let's go! Follow the river, then!"

Azula gritted her teeth, remaining as quiet as possible as the bridge creaked under the heavy footsteps of all their pursuers. Sokka breathed deeply, waiting patiently even after they left… the bridge was broad enough that they hadn't been seen, but if they climbed out right away and any of the soldiers dared glance back at them, things would likely turn out a lot more unpleasant than they already were…

He glanced down at Azula, offering her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. She didn't grin back, though her eyes were aglow with unspoken gratitude for his quick plan: she had no idea what he was doing when he pulled out that rope, but when he told her to trust him and gripped her tightly, she hadn't hesitated to do that.

Trust… it was so strange, finding someone she actually trusted now. The feeling was foreign, but greatly welcome, nonetheless. It truly surprised her how clearer everything became, how much smoother… how she hardly felt out of place in the world as long as someone actually wanted her to be part of it, as Sokka did.

"Guess that worked?" Sokka said. Azula swallowed hard and nodded, though she angled her head away from his: the temptation to kiss him would arise again if she stared at his damn handsome face for a moment longer.

"You're resourceful, that much is true," Azula said. "Weird, truly, to be hunted by the Fire Nation along with someone else with that much experience fleeing from them…"

"Used to flee from you. And Zuko," Sokka said, with a weak grin. "I don't mind running from him still… but I won't run from you. Not anymore."

Azula couldn't hold back a small smile, even if it faded quickly: the weight of the mirror in her pocket spoke for itself. Sokka ought to know better than to flirt with her at all, but the jerk never seemed to stop… and he did it in such a good-mannered way that she couldn't help but be drawn in. If he were mischievous, she wouldn't feel any less appealed… but she gravitated towards his kindness, even if she hardly felt worthy of it. If she dared act on her impulses, she'd fully prove she wasn't, too.

"Should we…?" Azula asked, jerking her head at the bridge. Sokka nodded.

"They should be too far to see us now," he said.

He helped Azula climb back on the bridge, a slightly awkward process in which she used his boomerang to reach the edge of the bridge and balance herself on it to climb up. Then, she reached out for Sokka, and she clasped his hand firmly as she pulled him up too. Within moments, Sokka undid the strong knots on the rope that had ensured their survival and they rushed away anew, in the opposite direction from the soldiers had disappeared through.

They found a cave to rest in after another half hour, but they had plenty to discuss, this time around.

"As much as I enjoy dangling on bridges with you, we have to make up our minds about where we're going," Sokka said. "And how we're getting there. What's next for Yue? What does she want us to do?"

"Didn't we agree that you would be the one to choose this time?" Azula pointed out. Sokka's eyes widened.

"Oh, uh… right. Well, anything that's fine with her is fine with me," Sokka concluded, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "Can't really say I have huge plans on where to go right now, so… unless she chooses something I really don't like this time, anything's good."

"If you say so…" Azula said, pulling up the mirror. Yue smiled warmly at her, and Azula raised an eyebrow. "What's next on the wish list, then? Got anything in mind?"

"Huh… well, Ba Sing Se was fun," Yue started, and Azula scoffed at the notion.

"Define 'fun,' if you please…"

"But I guess it might be a good idea to go elsewhere now. I did want to see the seasons, and we saw spring, so… the next one is summer!"

"Yue, you can't just force the seasons to happen whenever you want them to," Azula sighed. "It's still about a month before summer starts in the south. And frankly, we're going to be hounded and hunted in the Earth Kingdom far more persistently now. Might be better to go elsewhere."

"Wait… she wants to see summer?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. "Well, that's doable."

"What?" Azula eyed him skeptically.

"There's this tropical nation I know about, you know? Where it's basically summer all year long?" Sokka asked, with a smirk.

Azula's eyes widened. She scoffed, shaking her head.

"Yue's been in the Fire Nation before. That's where she first latched onto me, remember?"

"But you were on the run. I didn't get to see all the sights!"

"Oh, so now we're picky, are we?" Azula scoffed. Yue giggled.

"I want to see more of your nation. Sokka is right, it's the land of summer! So… take me to the beach!"

"The beach?" Azula repeated, with a heavy sigh. "You're whimsical, that's for sure. As royal as can be, making that kind of request…"

"Ember Island had some really good beaches," Sokka reasoned, tapping the stubble on his chin. Azula winced.

"Ember Island?" she repeated. "It's also a great place to fuck with someone's head."

"You've been a frequent visitor, I take it?" Sokka asked. Azula scoffed.

"Unfortunately," she said. "My parents brought me there constantly when I was a child…"

"Oh, yeah. Zuko mentioned! I actually stayed in that house of yours, back in the times of the war?" Sokka said. "Zuko's done some repairs, I think. Might not be all complete yet, but it's probably looking better than whatever you remember of it."

"I'd gladly remember nothing of it," Azula sighed. "It can be worse to think of easier times. Can't help but wonder where I went wrong back when I was younger, you know? If I did anything so stupid as a child that it resulted in… well, every member of my family despising me. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, though. Must be the things I did later…"

"Well… your father's a piece of shit," Sokka said. Azula winced upon hearing him say so. "So, I doubt you're to blame for how he treated you."

"He praised and doted on me. Believed I was fated for greatness," Azula said. Sokka sighed.

"Maybe you are. Just… not the greatness he put into your head," he said.

"I doubt he was right about it anyway," Azula said, shaking her head. "If any of this is fate… maybe I'm just fated to be a mess."

"You're not that much of one, even if you try to convince yourself otherwise," Sokka said, with a gentle smile.

Azula scoffed: she shook her head carelessly, at first just to refuse his words… then, to make her hair a chaotic disaster, standing in wild directions, strands flying back and forth. Then, she stared at the amused Sokka matter-of-factly.

"Convinced yet?" she asked. He laughed, shaking his head.

She had only been teasing him, but she wound up smiling regardless. She looked at the mirror again, set on the floor as it was, and Yue giggled at the sight of her unkempt hair.

"It's not that bad, now, is it, Yue?" Azula asked.

"You look funny."

"Funny? Well, that's just offensive," Azula said, with a scoff.

"I… never really did anything like that. You know, just… loosening up my hair to see what it was like."

"Ah, well, I recommend it," Azula said. "Nothing better to convince your advocates that they're betting on the wrong ostrich horse than having a bad hair day. Not that Sokka would know anything about that, feels like he doesn't have any bad hair days…"

"You'd be shocked," Sokka smiled. Azula scoffed, looking at him derisively. "For real!"

"Nonsense. Yue and I, we understand each other in that respect. You have no say upon the matter," she declared, haughtily. Sokka chuckled and shook his head again.

"Maybe… I could try it?"

Azula blinked blankly before Yue bit her lip, raising a hand towards the adornments of her hair. A fair amount of it was loose… but not all of it. Twin braids ran together down either side of her face, and there was a complicated accessory that held it together in two different branches right at the back…

She started loosening everything, undoing every tangle of hair, an eager look on her face as her white hair slowly unfurled. Azula smirked at the sight of it, watching intently as Yue struggled with the trickier tangles… until, at last, all her white hair – and there was a lot of it – fell in careless waves around her face.

"There!" she said, enthusiastically. Azula chuckled.

"Mess it now. Shake your head like there's no tomorrow!" she said. Yue bit her lip, a giggle slipping past her lips before she followed Azula's suggestion.

The result had both Azula and Yue laughing at the chaos of unruly hair. Neither one was more presentable than the other… a notion entirely wild and foreign for the two princesses.

"Looks better on you than on me. See? Why be the perfect Moon Spirit when you can be a messy one instead?" Azula smiled. Yue giggled, running a hand through her tresses.

"It's going to be difficult to put it back together," she confessed. "But that was fun. Do you… mess your hair often?"

"I try not to. It becomes unruly too quickly," Azula said, running a hand over her hair to tame it too.

"Well… we have one more thing in common, then. The messy-haired royals," Yue giggled. Azula smiled.

"The Royally Unkempt," she concluded, and Yue burst out with laughter. "Fitting, truly… save for him. Curses, Sokka, you just sabotage all our team-naming efforts, you…"

He smiled at her with a fondness that caught Azula off guard. A part of her welcomed being watched with such warmth… just as she felt terribly self-aware about it, while Yue was right there.

"What?" Azula mouthed at him. Sokka shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess… I'm just happy to see you two are good friends," he said. Azula's eyes widened, and Yue grinned brightly in the mirror.

"I'm happy for it too. I… I don't think I'd ever had a female friend like this before."

"Well, you'd never had a friend to communicate with through mirrors or reflective surfaces, so that's for sure," Azula said, matter-of-factly… but she frowned at Yue anyway. "But… you didn't have friends, in the Northern Water Tribe?"

"I'm afraid I was a little isolated. Princess, after all… I didn't go to school like other kids my age. I barely knew any of them."

Azula frowned upon hearing those words. She ran her hand over her hair once more, an uncanny urge to reach trough the mirror to comfort the other royal suddenly blooming in her heart.

"Guess… guess we have more in common than we thought. Though I did have friends… just, not very good ones," Azula said, with a lop-sided smirk. "Then again, they'd say the same thing right back at me, but what can you do. I always did feel isolated as well. And after everything fell apart, well… it was as though I'd been alone all my life. Maybe… you felt that way, too?"

"A little. Memories helped, at times, but… being the Moon Spirit is lonely."

Azula grimaced: for once, the thought that Yue might have reached out desperately, as good throwing a line into the sea in the hopes of finding someone, anyone to talk to, crossed her mind. Was that, maybe, why she was so good-natured? Why she constantly seemed impressed by Azula? Had she latched onto her for greater reasons than the apparent…?

"Well… you're stuck with me now," Azula said, with a small smile. "For better or for worse, you're not alone anymore."

Her words struck Sokka deeply: not only because of Yue's loneliness, which he certainly felt no small amounts of guilt over, even if he hoped he and Azula might have helped Yue stem the feeling lately… but because the Fire Nation Princess had experienced no shortage of loneliness. Yet, precisely because she had, she was finally finding it in her to relate to Yue… wanting to do right by her. To help her fight her loneliness, and perhaps, find a solution for her own in the process, too.

"And what's the matter with you?"

Sokka winced: he dabbed at the tear that slipped past his eyes and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Nothing. I'm fine, I'm fine…"

"Is it so moving to see my hair being such a weird, wild mess?" Azula asked, shaking her head carelessly again – Yue laughed at her behavior, and Sokka rolled his eyes before shaking his head.

"You know what? You've asked for it. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, Yue! You'll be messy haired buddies again later, but right now…"

Yue hummed in surprise as Azula winced at Sokka's words: he pulled a brush out of his pack, and he approached her with a wicked smirk.

"Time to style your hair again, silly. Come on."

She sighed, letting him get away with that for the second time. Yue had a perfect view of the process, chuckling as Azula groaned over how much of a worrywart and a party-pooper Sokka dared be… but instead of focusing solely on that, she turned her attention to what actually mattered:

"Are you two sure you want to go to Ember Island?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say I'm sure-sure, but… you did say it was my turn to choose. So that'd be my pick, if Yue's happy with it," Sokka grinned carelessly. Azula sighed.

"Annoying. I hope you're not just expecting to… uh, perv out at random girls in swimsuits."

"Pfft! I'm a gentleman! I wouldn't do that!" he squeaked.

"He's lying, Yue. He's totally going to do exactly that," Azula smirked.

"Hey!"

Yue laughed, covering her mouth with a hand. Azula smiled warmly at her, but her grin receded when the Moon Spirit countered with a rather surprising statement.

"Maybe he's telling a half-truth… maybe he won't do it over every girl, but he might just do it over you!"

"He… what?! Don't say that!" Azula winced: she hated to see herself blushing as Yue giggled in the mirror.

"You are very beautiful. He'd have to be blind not to see it… and it's his friend who's blind, not him, right?"

"I… don't understand what's gotten into you," Azula said, bashfully: Sokka was almost done taming her hair by then.

"Is she saying you're the one who'll perv out at people in swimsuits, or…?"

His guess earned him an elbow to the ribs, but he rolled with laughter on the floor after taking the blow, nonetheless.

"Idiot. You're both weird," Azula growled, cheeks alight with embarrassment. "And I'd elbow your ribs too, Yue, but… you know. I can't physically. Just imagine the pain and live with the shame."

"Oh, I'll try," Yue laughed, nodding promptly.

"This being said… while it's summer all year long in the Fire Nation, it's going to be difficult to get there," Azula pointed out.

"Well, it wouldn't be easy, no… but there's a good reason to go right now. If Zuko could send his troops to hunt us as fast as that, doesn't that mean he's around here lately?" Sokka said. Azula raised an eyebrow.

"He… was in Ba Sing Se?" Azula said. "Huh. Then, if he's here… we have the way clear to the Fire Nation, at least, for a while. Ember Island isn't my usual area of operations, it might not be as protected as other cities…"

"See? It's not that bad if we're careful," Sokka grinned.

"We're not returning to the city to get the hot-air balloon, are we?" Azula asked.

"Oh, no. Too risky. Just as it was risky to fly out on it, they might have taken us down if they were watching for us by the walls," Sokka said. Azula sighed.

"Then what are we going to do? Do you have custody over the shaggy beast anytime soon?" she asked. Sokka snorted.

"That's not how that works, so no. But… hot-air balloons, you say?"

"We can't get it back and stealing another one's going to be…"

"I didn't say anything about stealing."

Azula frowned. Sokka smiled as he sat up, a proud smirk spreading over his face – Azula's damn stomach somersaulted over that confident expression on his features.

"I know a guy," he said, proudly.

"Again? Who?" Azula raised an eyebrow.

"Literally, the inventor of the balloons. If you'd like to know… I actually had a hand in their development and design, back in the days of the war."

"You… you're pulling my hair," Azula smiled.

"I'm done brushing it, so clearly, I'm not pulling it anymore," Sokka smirked. Azula rolled her eyes, but she failed to contain a chuckle. "Heh. You laughed."

"Fuck off," was her eloquent response, to which he laughed even harder. "You're serious? You can get us a hot-air balloon?"

"Problem is they'll know where we're going even if I do get it," Sokka reasoned, frowning. "We're close to where he lives these days, after he left the Northern Air Temple. I could go there, ask for a balloon, he most likely will give me one to borrow… and then we'll be very easy to track for your brother's forces."

"Not necessarily," Azula reasoned, raising an eyebrow. "Not if we… split up."

"What?" Sokka winced, his amusement receding.

"Just for a few days. Goodness, you're that worried about not being near me nowadays? That's terribly clingy of you," Azula smirked. "I could misdirect them away from you and the inventor. The Mechanist, right? Same one who made the Drill…"

"That's the guy," Sokka confirmed.

"If I flashily use my blue fire to lure them southeast… you can collect that balloon, then snatch me up one night, maybe, around the Fighting Cliffs," Azula said. "You know, the mountains right below Ba Sing Se? If we time it right, if you don't even land, they shouldn't notice the balloon at all and they won't know where we went. Will take a while for them to realize what we're doing… and if we need supplies, be it coal or food, we'll be free to land to get them once we're far away from Ba Sing Se. At least, far enough that word wouldn't travel quickly to Zuko and Kuei even if someone recognizes either of us all the way over there."

"That's… a good plan," Sokka said, begrudgingly. "But I would rather not leave you anyway."

"Don't be so silly," Azula smiled at him. "You'll be stuck with me in a balloon for weeks afterwards. Take this as a well-deserved respite from me."

What she didn't know was that Sokka actually didn't want a break from her at all… a notion that caught him by surprise as she continued lining out their plans. The urge to take her hand and not let it go should not have been so overwhelming… but it was, somehow. He had to put his everything into not telling her as much, into not acting on that impulse, as he agreed to her strategies.

Thus, a few hours later, she took off carelessly, carrying her pack, undoubtedly ready to bring about as much attention to herself as possible. Sokka sighed as he watched her leave, a burst of loneliness striking him so abruptly… since when was he so prone to missing people's company? Or was it just… her?

He shook his head and set out to the Mechanist's new home: the sooner he arrived, the faster he would be back with Azula.

The jolly inventor welcomed him gratefully into the small town he had taken residence at, and he provided him with supplies and a stylish hot-air balloon, with the latest upgrades to its design. Sokka offered him no end of gratitude before climbing aboard, relieved to sort out that predicament quickly enough. The plan was proceeding perfectly smoothly for him… and after three days apart from Azula, which was how long it had taken him to reach the Mechanist's home, he was more than ready to come find her.

He succeeded a day and a half later: by nightfall, he steered the hot-air balloon to one of the tallest peaks of the Fighting Cliffs to find Azula resting there, holding the mirror in one hand. Sokka smiled fondly at her before loosening his rope, lightly brushing it over her face until the discomfort caused her to snap awake, scowling…

Her eyes brightened visibly once she saw Sokka had returned.

"Been a while," Sokka smiled. "Ready?"

She couldn't help but grin too as she handed him her bags, first: he opened the balloon's basket, reaching down to hoist Azula aboard without landing at all, just as planned.

"Everything went swimmingly, I take it?" Azula asked: she hadn't let go of his hand yet after boarding, and that didn't bother him one bit. "This balloon is… nice, actually. More spacious, too."

"A new model," Sokka grinned. "More aerodynamic, from what he told me. We'll get there in no time."

"Then… go on and dazzle us with your piloting skills, why don't you?" Azula smiled: she set the mirror up on one of the available seats, as she sat down as well, and Yue smiled eagerly at the grand hot-air balloon… at the chance to see Sokka at work, handling the vehicle expertly once more.

The journey was faster this time, as they had enough supplies not to need to land at all until they reached Ember Island. Their time aloft in the sky proved amenable too, as they talked about just anything and everything, sharing stories about the war that startled and amazed Yue alike. Their strange journey, and the banter they shared, was proving enough to bring Azula to smile more honestly, more earnestly, than she had in years.

She'd sleep while cradling the mirror sometimes, and she even dozed off with her head on Sokka's lap once, the mirror resting on her chest. It almost felt as though the two girls were asleep… and it warmed Sokka's heart to feel the connection between them growing stronger than ever. Where Azula had been openly hostile and reluctant to host Yue at all, at first… by now, he had no doubts she had grown to fully, earnestly cherish her connection to the Moon Spirit. Instead of Azula being an outsider, in between him and Yue when she didn't belong there, now it was Sokka, instead, who appeared to be the odd one out…

And he actually kind of liked that.

He couldn't truly communicate with Yue, even if she could hear him and see him, as long as he was within her reflection's line of sight. But the more time went on, the less he longed to speak with her directly, to interact with her as Azula did… because Azula was there. That was Azula's role. Yue had never had friends before… not truly, not the way she did now, with Azula. He didn't want to be the only important, valuable person in Yue's life… and the more he grew to treasure Azula, the more he hoped she would be even more important for the Northern Water Tribe Princess than he ever had been. The two of them were so different, starkly so… but he had the feeling that Yue's influence on Azula was even more powerful than his own could ever hope to be. She inspired Azula to do better, to be better… to find joy and bliss in the simplest pleasures of life. Instead of locking her up, instead of hounding her and chasing her down… maybe that was what Azula needed, instead. A friend who would show her there was so much more worth in living life freely than by serving some old fart's wretched designs for nationalism, social superiority and Fire Nation control over the entire world.

Perhaps she'd go back to old habits once they reached her homeland, Sokka figured… but as they began their descent on Ember Island, a week later, the Princess's demeanor didn't change in any worrisome manner as she eyed the island with uncertainty.

"Is it…?" she started, running a hand over her hair. "What day is it, Sokka?"

"Uh, I've kind of lost track of time, so… no real clue," he smiled awkwardly.

"I think… we've arrived at a strange time in this damn island. I don't think I've ever been here for this before," Azula said, eyeing the place with uncertainty.

"It looks like… there's a procession across the streets? A celebration?" Sokka asked, intrigued. "What's that about?"

"It's… a celebration, yes," Azula said, tense. "A slightly less dignified one than most of what you might have heard about in the Fire Nation, though."

"What?" Sokka asked, amused. "That sounds dangerous… or amusing."

"Might be both," Azula said, with a dry grin. "It's a yearly tradition, particularly noisy and messy, in Ember Island. Lots of drinking, lots of gambling, firebending accidents…"

"What? What are they celebrating, exactly?" Sokka asked, confused.

"Uh, well, the technical, traditional explanation is found in the legend of the volcano from which the Fire Nation spawned?" Azula said, biting her lip. "And of course, Ember Island has a small volcano around which people convene, firebenders launch fire into the dormant volcano, as a manner of tribute to the land for giving us everything it has. It's… a celebration of life, you could call it?"

"Heh. Sounds fun," Sokka smiled. Azula bit her lip.

"Of course, well, celebrations of life tend to be a little… peculiar," she said. Sokka crooked an eyebrow. "By which I mean, well, people aren't simply going to chant songs and run around the island happily, they're going to, uh…"

"To…?"

"Create more life?"

Sokka's eyes widened. Azula's cheeks flushed.

"… This is a fertility festival," he concluded. Azula gritted her teeth.

"You know, we could always turn back," she suggested, with a dry grin. "Go to another island, where they don't celebrate this at all, and come back in a couple of days instead. That might just be…"

"I want to see it!"

Yue's sudden declaration caused Azula to wince and snarl. She turned towards the mirror, finding the eagerly smiling teenage princess closer to the mirror than ever before…

"It sounds like such a lively event!"

"Yue, half the people are going to be drunk, and the other half will be horny, some will very much be both things at once. I don't think you…"

"Well, it's still early. We can see everything before it comes to that!" Yue beamed. Azula huffed, and Sokka chuckled.

"The Water Tribes have some rites of this nature, you know? But probably none like this," he said, patting Azula's back. "Can't blame Yue for wanting to see it. I'm a little curious, myself. You and your people always prided yourselves on being oh so advanced and modern…"

"Well, I'm afraid we're not quite so modern yet that we'd know how to procreate with anything but sex," Azula said, cheeks flushing upon speaking of the subject as she did. Sokka laughed. "Either way, if you two are quite sure about what you want, fine. But… be careful, Sokka. Desperate girls might throw themselves at you if you're not."

"No worries, I'll just… stick with you," Sokka smiled. Azula blushed. "If anyone tries, I'll just say I'm with you and they'll back off."

"Hopefully," Azula said, cheeks red: it wasn't a lie, he truly had come with her… but evidently, he'd say the words to imply there was a relationship between them that didn't actually exist. As far as she knew.

She glanced at Yue in the mirror, finding her grinning eagerly. Azula swallowed hard: she wasn't about to do something stupid that could hurt the girl. And she wouldn't let Sokka do that, either. They'd be distant witnesses to the damn festival, that was that.

After safely tucking their balloon away in the Royal Family's private beach, they left their luggage in the house that, to Azula's surprise, appeared to be far more livable than it had been in her last visit. They cleaned up after the long journey, changing into fresh and light clothes, and they took off together to check out the sights in the island while showing as much of it as they could to the eager, delighted Yue.

The warm weather didn't disappoint, for they were drenched in sweat simply by walking down the streets. That moist heat of summer always compelled Azula to wish she could jump into the water, hoping the sea would ease the high temperatures slightly. The tall palm trees, the chirping of insects… she described that which Yue couldn't see or hear, while showing her as much of the colorful island to the Moon Spirit as possible through the limitations of the mirror.

They were immediately assailed by the salesmen from the stalls once they entered Ember Island's main streets, most of whom were eager to sell aphrodisiacs or even accessories for sexual purposes, most of which Azula didn't even dare guess the use of. She clasped Sokka's arm, reassuringly smiling at the sellers that they were just sightseeing, and she dragged him away quickly before he got any wild ideas in his head about any of the lotions, oils or harnesses some of those stalls were eager to sell to shameless customers.

"This is unreal. I'd heard it was messed up, but… it's weirder than I thought," Azula said. Sokka chuckled.

"I can't help but think it's kind of funny. I thought your people were very repressed about a lot of things… but not this, sounds like," he said.

"Honestly? This festival wasn't banned because it had a purpose in the times of the war: if you make your people procreate more, you get more soldiers to send out to war. It's bound to be the only reason why my forefathers didn't outlaw it as a crime against public order and morals," Azula explained, glancing about herself. "But… actually, there ought to be one area that's not so raunchy!"

She dragged Sokka eagerly in that direction to find foods that weren't being advertised for their sexual potential: there was even a small puppet play, where the children could witness the story of the volcano without any implications regarding how most fully-grown people actually celebrated this strange festival. They found something to eat there, and they rejoiced far more in the family-friendly activities than in looking for anything strange to spice up the bedroom life they didn't actually have.

But there was one particular stall that caught Azula's eye once they paced through less busy streets, by midafternoon. A woman in perfectly sober, proper clothes, sat with a disgruntled expression in a stall that nobody appeared to want to approach: 'Public Morals Protection Stall.'

"You! You two! Come, come, come quickly!" the woman exclaimed, startling them once she noticed they were staring.

"Uh… what's this?" Sokka smiled awkwardly as he obeyed her command.

The woman didn't answer him: instead, she stuffed his hands with a surprising assortment of objects with purposes he couldn't even fathom.

"At the very least, you two shall be safe!" the woman almost squealed, startling Azula with her passionate declaration. "Safe intercourse is possible! But these imbeciles…!"

"W-wait… safe? What do you mean by that?" Azula smiled awkwardly.

"I mean your husband there is holding a good assortment of measures to prevent pregnancy and diseases when you happen to copulate," the woman said: both Azula and Sokka winced upon hearing her declaration.

"W-wait, we're not… I mean, we're not exactly married?" Sokka said, with a weak smile. The woman yelped.

"All the more reason for you to use them!"

"What?!"

"If you're not married you should not be procreating and having children yet! Get married before you even start! Don't be like the rest of these fools who… who just keep making sure that this island thrives in countless, thousands, millions of babies...!"

"I'm quite sure there can't even be a million people living in this island, let alone a million babies…"

"There will be soon, when these fools have their way!" the woman exclaimed, shaking her head. "You have no idea how many girls will turn up two months from now in the sanatorium, having broken up with their mediocre boyfriends, begging for help with… well, reversing pregnancy."

"Oh," Sokka said, eyes wide.

"And do you even realize that the most common months for children to be born in our island are the tenth and eleventh months?! It's like a perpetual birthday celebration in every family!" the woman exclaimed, exasperated. "Care to guess why?"

"Because… this is the second month, and everyone procreates around the time of the festival?" Sokka smiled awkwardly.

"A smart lad indeed! See, you'll use protection for sure, yes you will!" the woman exclaimed, finally smiling proudly at him. Sokka's cheeks couldn't have been redder.

Then, she proceeded to explain the use of each of the objects and gadgets she'd given Sokka, including a manner of thin membranes he would be expected to wrap around his manhood, fruits that could affect male sperm and render its components temporarily inert, as well as seeds Azula would be expected to eat, or boil into tea, to prevent herself from conceiving any children. A few of the products were medicine in case of infections or diseases caught after the fact, too. The woman was delighted to hand them everything she did, free of charge, no doubt desperate to spread awareness to the rest of the island that there were far more responsible ways to indulge in their fun… but unfortunately, it looked like only a handful of people were willing to listen.

Sokka and Azula ambled out of that particular street five minutes later, winding up taking a corner quickly and hiding there with their load of new goods. They glanced at each other in surreal disbelief… and then they burst out laughing. Azula supported herself on his arm, as Sokka rested against the wall of a building, tears blinking in the corners of his eyes.

"That poor woman…!" he said.

"Let's hope her wisdom spreads one day… but with this kind of reckless crowd, I wouldn't bet my money on that," Azula said, wiping the tears in her own, too.

"Say… the stalls are pretty fun, but maybe we should do what we came here for," Sokka smiled, nudging Azula's pocket: Yue's mirror rested there. "Didn't she say she wanted to go to the beach?"

"Well, she did, but… I'm not exactly dressed for it, am I?" Azula said, tugging at her Earth Kingdom clothes. Sokka smirked.

"We can buy some new clothes for it now! There's stalls for that, too!" he exclaimed. Azula sighed.

"You love shopping far too much for your own good," Azula determined. Sokka snickered, leading her back into the streets.

An hour later, they had returned to the house with the results of that day's outing. They left their haul of equipment for responsible sex on a table by the living room, and they changed out of their casual Earth Kingdom clothes into classic Fire Nation garb. It struck Azula how long she had gone without wearing anything quite as bold as a swimsuit… all her last Fire Nation attires had been sober and formal, or combat-oriented. There was a tall mirror within the bathroom where she changed, and she blushed slightly upon realizing that a sneaky Moon Spirit was glancing at her with appreciative, raised eyebrows.

"Is it too bold?" Azula asked Yue, her voice deadpan and dry. Yue bit her lip, failing to stifle a mischievous smile.

"Bolder than anything you've worn around me. But you look amazing!" she exclaimed, beaming. "You really are beautiful, Azula."

"I don't feel beautiful, most days," Azula sighed, running her hand over her hair… finding she might actually not be so hard to convince of that right now. Staring at herself just now wasn't as unnerving, unpleasant, as it typically was…

Was she finding some peace with herself? Some manner of tranquility she hadn't really experienced for years, if ever before? It was still difficult to fathom thinking of herself as beautiful… but she'd have to try. At least, Sokka and Yue appeared to be visually impaired enough to think so…

"Are you okay with this?" Azula asked Yue. "I mean… me being around the guy you like, dressed like this? Or, uh, undressed, because honestly it almost feels like I'm not wearing anything, in this thing…"

"Why… I don't have anything to worry about," Yue smiled warmly. "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you enjoying yourself in the beach too!"

"Uh… hopefully. Maybe," Azula said, swallowing hard and breathing out heavily. "Okay, then. Fine. If he ends up being a perv and a creep or so, you'll have yourself to blame for pushing me at him."

"What? Sokka isn't either of those things!"

"We'll see about that," Azula smirked slightly. "You should get some, uh, spirit swimsuit of your own. You're bound to reflect on the waves, you know?"

"Oh… maybe. But probably only if they don't move around too much," Yue smiled awkwardly. "But I'll be fine like this. I approached Aang once when he was in the ocean, you know? And I didn't dress any differently than I do right now."

"Heh, fair enough," Azula shrugged, shaking her head. "Anyways… let's get going."

She wore a sarong over her waist that would at least conceal most her legs from ogling gazes. Not that she expected to draw many of those… but Sokka did say she was beautiful. Perhaps she really should cover up her torso further… who knew what Sokka might react more to, anyway? He'd see a lot of her skin, more than he ever had before… she needed to stop feeling self-aware about that, she really did.

She marched out of the bathroom to find Sokka standing by the living room table, still checking out the birth control and safe sex supplies, with a slight smirk on his face…

But she couldn't really register the expression when her eyes were entirely enticed by his strong, broad and muscular back.

"Oh! You're… b-back."

They froze for a moment, gaping at each other. Awkwardness settled between them as they took in the other, the bare chest Sokka presented for Azula – curses, he had grown far too fit in his adulthood – and the smooth abdomen she showed off before him – the dip of her hipbones, hiding under that skirt, sent his mind flying in some rather raunchy directions…

But they reeled it in. They reeled themselves in. They blushed, recognizing each other's interest… and stashing it aside. It wasn't the time for that.

"I've got the mirror here," Azula said, showing Sokka at Yue, as though that would suffice to remind him that she wasn't supposed to be his. At least… not yet. Not until Yue's situation was sorted out and they could take their time to figure out what to do with what was brewing between them.

Though, unfortunately, that resolve was slightly more difficult to stand by now than it ever had been…

"Right. Right," Sokka said, waving at Yue. "Hope I'm not too gross nowadays, compared to what I used to look like…"

"Gross?" Azula repeated. Sokka shrugged.

"She never did see me without a shirt, true, but… she's still sixteen," Sokka smiled awkwardly. "Might be I'm not exactly appealing to her right now."

Well, if Yue wanted to skip on that, Azula certainly would be happy to take over in her stead… 'gross', of all words, wasn't how she'd describe his surprisingly alluring body. She truly wanted to reach out to touch him and… and she wouldn't do that. She couldn't do that. She refused to do it at all.

Yue in the mirror, however, giggled and startled Azula. The Princess glanced at her to find the Moon Spirit smiling brightly in Sokka's direction.

"You really did grow up to be so handsome, Sokka," she said, beaming. "I… I hope you two can swim a lot! And maybe build a sandcastle? That's what people do in beaches, right?"

"Well, you can tell us what you want us to do, and we will," Azula said, with a careless shrug. Yue clapped happily.

"Then… a sandcastle!"

Yue's request proved tricky to fulfill: Sokka's ability to work with sand was astonishingly poor, to Azula's utter amusement. They discussed the possibility of heading out to the public beach, but instead, they stayed in the private one by the Fire Lord's villa, for it would be safer. Talking to Yue would draw less confused stares that way. It also meant that Sokka's skills at molding sand would only be judged by Azula, rather than by a large crowd.

"No, no, no! That tower is crumbling, Sokka, damn it!" Azula huffed, reaching over with the bucket to fix the tower that Sokka couldn't seem to compose properly. "Water! Use more water!"

"If I use too much it just crumbles anyway!" Sokka pouted. "You're such a perfectionist…"

"And you're not one at all. You… you meant that as an insult, too?" Azula scoffed. "Being a perfectionist is far better than being mediocre, just so you know…"

"I'm not mediocre!" Sokka's voice cracked, and Azula smirked as she knew she had successfully stoked his pride. "I'll do better than you! My own castle against yours! You'll see!"

It was a hilarious competition, one that Yue couldn't seem to stop laughing over as both struggled with different aspects of the composition of the castle – Sokka's castle certainly was a misshapen mass, more than anything, while Azula's frustrated her constantly, as she couldn't fully bring her vision to reality – instead, she would have to settle for a smaller, simpler building that she couldn't help but find frustrating.

And so, they tried again and again and again, and once they were finally close to success…!

A potent wave rushed in, without warning, and slammed into the side of both castles, nearly knocking Sokka and Azula off their feet.

"Nooooooo!" Sokka cried, hands up his hair as his grand work of sand architecture crumbled. "Not again! How dare you, sea?! How dare you?!"

"Oh, forget it! I'm not starting again, I'm done with…!" Azula exclaimed, turning towards the mirror…

… To find it was no longer there.

Azula's eyes widened: the foam was receding, and the water returning to the shore… and in it floated a surprised Yue, carried away by the ocean.

"YUE!"

Azula rushed out into the water, probably unnecessarily so: technically, Yue wouldn't go anywhere, even if her mirror did. But she still sprung out in a hurry, eager to pick up the mirror that kept going deeper into the water.

"Azula! Azula!" Sokka followed her, watching in surprise as the Princess loosened her sarong, tossing it aside before jumping fully into the water.

She certainly had a good form as a swimmer, but Sokka wasn't sure she'd be fast enough to reach the mirror right away. The water level would rise the deeper she went… and more waves were coming.

"Damn it…!" Sokka rushed after her, diving into the sea and swimming quickly to reach Azula. "Deep breath!"

Azula glanced back at him in confusion upon hearing him say that.

"Wave incoming!" Sokka explained.

Azula only had a small moment to obey his suggestion: the breath wasn't all that deep, but the wave crashed against her, she broke it with her body… and then she opened her eyes to realize the mirror was nowhere in sight.

"N-no… no!" she glanced back, trying to find it in the wave that had just rushed in, but she couldn't see it. Just as she couldn't see Sokka. "Sokka? Sokka?!"

Something rammed into her legs, not too violently, but hard enough to be noticeable: a shape underwater gave away that Sokka was floating below her, kicking fast and hard on his way… somewhere. Azula breathed deeply before sinking in, rushing in after him.

She reached for his back, touching it gently. He turned around, recognizing her with difficulty, squeezing her hand and urging her to catch up to him. Their breaths wouldn't last forever, but if they were going to find the mirror…

Something gleamed, deeper into the sea. It was falling lower and lower, dropping through the liquid… but the sun still gleamed upon its surface. That was enough for them to know where they had to go.

They kicked fast, speeding up further, and the mirror dropped lower still…

Their hands gripped it at the same time before they began kicking upwards instead.

Sokka wrapped an arm around her waist, and Azula wondered if he needed help… but when she surfaced, she realized he wanted her to break out of the surface first, instead.

Her hair whipped back chaotically as she took in a deep breath, cleansing her lungs. Sokka surfaced afterwards, his hair all over his face, and he shook his head violently to make the strands flop aside. They were floating deep in the ocean, and more waves would come next…

But they raised their hands, and the mirror sat between them indeed. Relieved sighs left both their lips.

"There… there! We've got it! We…!" Sokka gasped… when he felt the water receding again, reeling them deeper into the ocean.

"Sokka…!" Azula shrieked, grabbing onto him in a panic.

"Azula… I'm sorry," Sokka said, forcing her to let go of the mirror. "I hope this isn't a huge mistake…!"

He reeled his arm back, and he threw the mirror as powerfully as his arm could take it, all the way to the shore. Azula gasped as she saw it fly, partially grateful that his arm was strong enough to send it out of the water's reach… but hoping, just as well, that it wouldn't break against the sand after he'd thrown it quite so powerfully.

But they were still being dragged in, still in the currents' control.

"Breathe!" Sokka warned Azula: his grip around her tightened, and he dragged her under water.

He didn't go much lower than that: they felt the push of the surface wave, large and messy as it might be, and Sokka followed it as best as possible, letting the wave itself carry them closer to shore. They didn't make it too far, but they progressed towards the sand all the same as they resurfaced and continued swimming.

"We'll do that again…! Let the sea do the work for us…!" Sokka panted heavily. Azula nodded: his grip around her remained tight, their legs crashed when they kicked…

Another wave, and this time, they rode it carefully enough that Sokka's feet finally touched the sandy ground underneath them once again. He sighed in relief, walking a little further until Azula could stand properly in the water, too.

"Fuck… fuck," Sokka sighed, gripping Azula tightly. "You okay?"

"I'm… maybe a bit bruised. Hair's a mess. Got water in my ears, I think," Azula said. Sokka smiled awkwardly. "You?"

"Same," he laughed, though he glared at the sea with frustration. "It was a perfectly calm sea just a little while ago and now it went bonkers! What the hell was that about?"

"Huh… maybe the Ocean Spirit was trying to reclaim Yue," Azula proposed, playfully.

Sokka's eyes widened. The next wave rose, prepared to rush in once again.

"You're not saying…" Sokka glared at the water, and Azula smirked at his reaction.

"Sounds like your ex's new partner doesn't particularly care for us…" Azula said.

"You… HEY! If you want Yue for yourself, woo her properly, you bastard!" Sokka roared, splashing angrily. Azula laughed in his arms, pressing her face to his chest. "You're not taking that mirror, and I'm not handing it over, ever! You…! Uh… uh-oh."

Azula glanced again: apparently, Sokka's threat did not sit well with the Ocean Spirit, for a larger wave still rose in the distance…

"Run! RUN!" Sokka roared, grabbing Azula's hand and racing out of the water, knowing they would be goners otherwise.

The sea had receded enough that they could run across the wet sand without resistance. They kept going, they kept running, the wave broke, it was coming over them…

And it did exactly that, as good as drenching the entire bay and, of course, knocking Azula and Sokka off their feet once the last legs of water crashed hard against their calves, violently enough to break their balance and send them rolling across the wet sand. A rather wicked display by the Ocean Spirit, but an effective one to command proper respect from those who hadn't offered it any.

Sokka rolled over the sand, the water seeping through them and drenching them all over again. He clung to Azula nonetheless, shielding her from the impact with his body as best as he was able. It took him a moment to realize she was hugging him right back, face pressed against his chest.

"Now… now we're more bruised than before, heh," Sokka said, hand touching her flank, keeping her in place. "You okay?"

Azula breathed heavily and nodded. She sighed, eyeing him remorsefully after a moment.

"I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that, after the mirror, I… fuck. I can see her whenever, wherever. The mirror isn't the only way…" Azula whispered. Sokka hummed, rolling them slightly so Azula would lie on her back.

"It's not. And I can get you another one too, if you lost this one," Sokka said. "But it's okay. We're fine, and hopefully the mirror is too… wherever it landed. I'll go fetch it in a bit…"

"Please," Azula said, with a small smile. "I… I don't want to lose it."

"I figured, but…" Sokka said, sitting up beside her. Azula sat too, shaking her head – sand clung to her hair, which was certainly more chaotic now than it had been before. "I still think I could've gotten you a new one, if you had. Maybe a prettier one, with a better finish? A little bigger, I don't know…"

"Heh," Azula smiled a little, lowering her gaze. "Didn't even think of that. I guess I just…"

"What?" Sokka asked, when she trailed off. Azula breathed out slowly, her heart pounding when she dared share her actual train of thought.

"That mirror is… the first gift anyone's given me since before Sozin's Comet."

Sokka froze in place. Azula bit her lip, breathing deeply as she forced herself to share more… to explain where this strange, unlikely bout of sentimentality had come from.

"I just didn't want… I mean, I don't even like it much, you already know I don't, but I didn't want to… to lose it anyway. Because you gave it to me. So… that. I'm sorry I was such a–…"

She couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't convey her full thoughts: she felt his hand reach for her neck, the other her cheek, and he raised her face so it would meet his as he leaned in to press his lips to hers.

The impulsive kiss caught Azula off guard entirely. Her eyes widened, and she raised a hand to push him away at first, by instinct alone…

Only to realize he was, indeed, kissing her.

A euphoric feeling she had not anticipated seemed to take root in her chest, roaring with a fierce, powerful emotion that brought her throat to thicken with tears, no matter how triumphant she might feel. The hand that had almost pushed him now fell upon his arm, upon the chest that had enticed her so…

She dove in, kissing him back without restraint.

She didn't care if he was pitying her, for once. The thought didn't even form fully in her head: he was kissing her. He had chosen to do it, so it was on him. She had kept her distance, she had sensed the feeling of intimacy and closeness developing between them, but she hadn't done anything out of place. She had behaved herself… but he didn't want her to. Clearly he didn't, or else he wouldn't be doing exactly what he was doing right now. And if he wanted her lips, she'd give them to him gladly. If he wanted her body… she might as well give him that, too.

His hands roamed her back, as he pressed her smoothly on the sand. He kissed her passionately, eagerly, ignoring the new waves that tickled their toes, pinning Azula in place as though to ensure that she wouldn't be able to run away this time, or shirk him off, or dismiss what was happening between them. He'd had enough of holding back when he could tell they both wanted the same thing…

This was new to her, entirely new. Her first kiss had happened in this island just as well, but it had been nothing like this. She had damn fished for it, hoped to catch his eye… now, she was on the receiving end of a passion more powerful than the waves that had rolled them earlier. He was as imposing as that ocean, and she welcomed him as the shore might, her cliffs finally eroded and ready to receive him.

Though the truth was that she didn't quite know what they were doing once Sokka's lips left hers, latching onto her neck instead. She gasped, knowing that was an avenue of intimacy she had never experienced… his hands moved over her flanks, slightly higher now, and – his thigh slipped between hers. His thigh was…

He gave her no quarter, no room to run away from the latest of their battles, if this could be called that at all. Her hands remained as good as inert upon his body… but she dared do more shortly, even if the tongue that jousted with hers threatened to throw her entirely out of balance. There was a danger to his bold touches, to the impulsive way in which he had pounced on her…

A danger she liked. A danger that set her heart on fire, racing at full speed.

Sokka was ready to have sex with her. He wanted to sleep with her.

And she wanted him to do it, just as well.

She moaned at last, when his lips found a weak spot on her neck. He sucked on it gently, then more intensely as he savored her, tasting her body as best he could, regardless of the saltwater that clung to it. Her hands finally moved, caressing his pectorals, his abdomen, his waist… she reached the hem of his swimming trunks, knowing that was all he wore. Her fingers dipped past the band, boldly daring reach down to touch, to grope his rear and squeeze it deviously. Sokka groaned: he wanted to do that too, did he? His hands indeed slipped down lower, to her waist… then, they jumped over to her thighs and from there, he raised her legs so they would lock behind his back.

While it wasn't ideal, he still could touch her like this. Her swimsuit bottoms were small, leaving very little to the imagination, and his hands cupped each buttock smoothly as he groaned against her neck. He growled hungrily before switching back to her lips, tasting her thoroughly once again, just as his hands massaged her intimately, touching her in ways no one had ever touched her before. Was this what desire felt like? Her cheeks flushed crimson, never having truly conceived that the day might come when someone would want her quite this badly. She didn't truly know why Sokka had gone wild on her this way, but she certainly had no complaints on that front so far: every daring, bold gesture on his part startled her, leading her to reel back out of fear of the unknown… only to discover that the unknown in this case was actually a surprisingly pleasant thing, instead. She trusted him, more than anyone… and so, she spread her legs wide open, pressing her chest into his, hoping he would continue to elicit sensations unparalleled upon her skin.

His groans into her mouth might just be having a stronger effect upon her lower body, for the warm tingles in her core strengthened each time his sounds echoed inside her. Likewise, his trunks tightened with every sensual moan that slipped from her throat. He couldn't have enough of those soft, shrill sounds, of eliciting that kind of response from his new lover… She gripped him more tightly, nails digging slightly in his skin, and Sokka hissed as he pressed his brow to hers.

"Hey, now…" he managed to say: she answered with a wicked laugh, one he found delicious enough to kiss off her mouth at once. Curses, he had to be losing his grip… but he found her laughter so seductive, much like everything about her was. He bucked his body against hers, and she responded with more of that moaning… he was losing it. He was really losing it…

Her head was buzzing with delight when she finally dared do something she truly didn't know how to do… oh, but how hard could it be? She allowed her hand to slide to the side, leaving the other one in place, fondling and rubbing his rear… while the other one slipped between their two bodies, touching coarse hair first until she finally found what she was seeking.

Sokka gasped, looking at her in surprise when her fingertips touched his manhood's base. Azula swallowed hard, smiling slightly at him.

"Guess… I found something," she concluded. Sokka swallowed hard.

"Can I…?" he asked. Azula shivered: he was seriously asking for permission now? The bastard truly knew how to make her legs feel like hot water, truly… he wanted more of her, more intimacy than they'd already found…

She nodded. She wanted more, too.

He responded to that permission by kissing her fiercely: one of his hands slid over her body, trailing inside the hem of her swimsuit bottom, and boldly slipping lower until the fingers dipped into her folds.

Azula gasped, and Sokka caught the sound with his mouth. He stared at her as he kissed her, and when she opened her eyes, she found his: she couldn't decide whether his finger's touch was more erotic or if the way he watched her, eyes so full of greed and lust, happened to be more powerful still…

She wanted to be naked with him, for him. She wanted to shed her every layer and let him see her as she was. He wouldn't run away: he wanted to see it all, too.

But before anything of the sort could happen, Sokka's fingertips rubbed smoothly, teasingly, over her folds. Was he trying to memorize her weakest spots, perhaps? Was he mapping out the way her body jolted and shifted with each caress? The clever bastard might just be doing exactly that…

She couldn't hold herself back at all. She couldn't help but surrender to the erotic situation: she threw her head back, and when his fingers rubbed her clit again, she didn't hold back from reaching the finish line right then and there.

Sokka gasped in surprise upon hearing her desperate, orgasmic moans. He was even weaker for her upon hearing them, and his curious fingers dared dip lower… he bit his lip as he dared enter her with one finger, finding her soft and tender, and thoroughly soaked.

"Hell…" he whispered. Azula's chest heaved against him as he continued to crush her to the sand.

She closed her eyes, and he dreaded the climax might just clear her head and she'd realize exactly what they had been doing, and that they'd been doing it out in the open…

Her hands rose to the back of his head, and she kissed him fiercely again, as though her earlier breathlessness had become a rather amusing addiction rather than a cause for concern…

"Azula…" Sokka groaned into her mouth, thrusting against her hand as though to sate his throbbing manhood: fuck, but he wanted her. He wanted to see just how compatible they truly were, on every level of the act…

"Sokka… Sokka…" she called for him, her voice a mere whisper unless his touch caused her to cry out louder. "Fuck…! S-Sokka, fuck… fuck me. Fuck me…!"

He hadn't actually expected her to ask for it, let alone after she had just finished. It suited her, of course, to be as unexpected as possible. He smiled in relief, heart pounding as he nodded eagerly.

"I want you. Fuck, I want you so badly…" he whispered: he tugged his trunks down properly now, and Azula wrapped a fist around his base: he was as good as fully erect already, and Sokka only groaned further as her hand helped him grow harder and larger still…

She could feel his size, she certainly feared he might be too big for her to accommodate him properly… but she didn't care. Oh, she didn't mind. She felt so smooth and supple now, as though she were made of rubber… and she certainly wanted more. She needed to know how it felt. She wanted to do exactly that with Sokka. She had wanted it for so much longer than she had let herself accept she did.

He tugged her swimsuit bottom aside, exposing enough of her core for him to breach: Azula gasped at the awareness of where they were being quite so inappropriate, realizing again that the water, while not as fierce and dangerous as before, still lapped at their feet on occasion… she gripped him, anticipation building as he kissed her reassuringly, finding the right entrance angle at last.

He pushed his way inside her.

Azula clenched up at first: the invasion certainly was complete now. If only this had been his long-term plan, she would have called it a resounding success. But where she had fought him off without fear ten years ago, today she didn't want to fight. She embraced him, instead… and he whispered warm words in her ears as he adjusted inside her.

"There… there. You okay? Breathe… loosen up, okay?"

Azula's breath hitched as she nodded, trying to obey him. The tension in her lower body might recede slowly, but there was a chance that he'd have to help with that. Maybe he didn't dare yet, but… oh, she wanted him to. She truly wanted him to…

"M-my… m-my breasts," Azula whispered. Sokka winced, pulling back as if fearful that he might have been crushing them. "T-touch them. Touch me. Sokka…"

"Oh… oh," Sokka smiled a little: she slapped his rear with the hand that remained there, as though encouraging him to get going already. He laughed, kissing her once more before thrusting slowly inside her…

His head moved to her neck as his fingers slid up finding the lower hem of her swimsuit's bra: he didn't settle for touching them under the cloth, instead yanking it up at a lack of knowledge of how to remove that precise swimsuit style… but with that, her breasts were delightfully exposed, and he pulled back just to admire them with a greedy, wicked smile. Her cheeks flushed as he ogled her: he liked what he saw. He really did…

"You're so… so damn perfect," Sokka whispered, startling Azula by his use of the word: she couldn't have been more imperfect as of late if she tried. Right now, she was covered in sand, her hair an unkempt mess… but he didn't lie. He couldn't have said it unless he meant it, so… maybe his notion of perfection was that removed from reality. Surely that was all there was to it…

His hands caressed her intimately, distracting her entirely from the light pain resulting from that initial penetration: it helped all the more when his lips latched onto her nipple, and Azula nearly screamed in bliss at the sensation. Oh, he had to do that again, and again, and on both sides, and…

He thrusted, and the pain seemed to fade to oblivion as he did. Its very final ripples were replaced by the booming arousal that threatened to run away with her for a second time already.

She gripped him tightly, and he was startled when it was her who thrusted upwards, as good as begging him to claim her.

And so he did, kissing her fiercely, giving free rein to the hands that caressed her intimately, to the hips that rolled recklessly into hers, his manhood dipping deeper and deeper, making his way through her as she opened up further and further… she had never been so excited in her life. She had never experienced anything on par with this. She damn near screamed with each hitch of pleasure, delighted to be fully pressed to the sand by him. Thankful, too, for his refusal to run away when she had nearly done that out of confusion at first: this exhilarant sensation was dangerously addictive, a high she wanted to chase without fail, knowing the fulfilling culmination would be even better than the one he had gifted her already…

He thrusted harder, faster, losing his grip on reality as his need for her overwhelmed him. His brow pressed against hers, his lips trailing all over her face, letting hers suck on his lower lip, a rather weak manner to stifle her own cries of passion…

His hips bucked, hands leaving her breasts briefly solely so he could hoist her hips carefully: the change in the angle of entry had her crying out even more desperately as he brushed more weak spots, as he claimed every part of her body she had never allowed herself to be ruled by… until today. Until that afternoon, when the shroud of dusk and the distance they kept from the rest of the beach's visitors might still not suffice to conceal Azula's next peak…

Her walls jolted so violently and pleasantly around his shaft that Sokka couldn't help but lose himself in the sensations, surrendering and succumbing to his primal need, unleashing himself deep inside her mere instants after she'd done the same thing.

He thrusted still, accompanying her as she navigated that climax, much as they had ridden the waves earlier. He didn't slow down until her walls slowed down, until they were no longer jolting… and by then, Sokka leaned over her chest, pressing soft kisses upon the exposed mounds he had wanted to explore so very thoroughly… maybe she would let him still. Maybe his failure to hold out for much longer wouldn't be punished all that harshly… but she truly hadn't made it easy at all. As far as he could tell, the past weeks of their relationship, probably since their drinking spree in Ba Sing Se's rooftops, had been the longest foreplay of all time.

"Sokka…" Azula called him. He groaned in response, still pressing his face to her breast: she would tell him he wasn't allowed to do that anymore, wouldn't she? Now that they were done, surely she would shove him off… "We… shit. We didn't use… any of that."

"Any of…?" Sokka blinked blankly, raising his head in confusion.

"The safe-sex stuff that woman… gave us," Azula admitted, cheeks flushed. Sokka's eyes widened.

"Uh… oh. Uh, heh, well… next time," he said, before his stomach sank: would there be a next time?

The smile on Azula's face suggested he wasn't wrong to hope for that, and his heart soared to see it.

"Well… better late than never, I suppose," she said, with a slight laugh. "Sokka…"

He smiled warmly, and she did the same before reeling him closer, arms wrapped around his neck. She kissed him again, unconcerned with how uncomfortable the sand was, careless about how shameless they were, letting themselves get carried away out in the open this way…

"Let's go… go inside," Sokka suggested, licking her lips. Azula hummed. "Come on. We can get the stuff and… and go again, when you're ready. If you want…"

"I want to. I… t-that was…" Azula said, with a small smile. Sokka grinned. "You know I'd never, well…"

"You're way too bold already for someone who's new at this," Sokka laughed, kissing her cheek. "I can only wonder how much wilder you're going to get in a couple more rounds…"

"Guess we'll see," Azula smiled: what the hell was this? She had no idea. She didn't think there was a rational explanation for it either. She just… liked this. Liked him. She wanted more of his thrusts, plowing into her with abandon… her heart raced with unbridled excitement upon knowing he wanted more of her, too. How much more? Would he grow bored of her? She hoped not. She truly hoped not…

Sokka sat up, and their bodies uncoupled. Azula gazed at him as he moved, knowing she remained exposed to him… doing absolutely nothing to change that. The way his greedy eyes locked on her nipples sent a special kind of shiver down her spine.

"Come here," Sokka whispered, slipping his arms underneath her body and hoisting her into his embrace.

She kissed him willfully again once he did that, and while he stumbled slightly while standing up, carrying her, he managed to do so in the end. They laughed together, brows touching, as Azula caressed his cheek gently.

"Weak on the knees?" she asked.

"Maybe a little," he admitted, earnestly. "Your fault for being so…"

"So?" Azula asked, amused by the sudden accusation.

"So seductive, I suppose that's the right word," Sokka laughed, kissing her neck as he marched her back towards the small road that led to the house. Azula moaned, wrapping arms and legs firmly around him. "Like it when I do that, do you?"

"Still haven't done anything I didn't like," Azula smiled. "I'll bite you if you do."

"And what are we going to do if I happen to like it when you bite me?"

She burst out laughing again, and Sokka smirked as he carried her inside, letting himself explore her body even if his hands had to remain firmly locked on her rear, keeping her in place. Azula had better chances to do it, caressing his shoulders, his chest, his strong neck… she claimed kisses off his lips constantly, and Sokka surrendered them generously each time, squeezing her ass when he did. If her mouth wasn't busy claiming his, his own would press to her collarbone, to her upper chest… and a couple of times, to her mounds and the nipples that were smoothly pressed against him.

"Like those, do you?" Azula asked teasingly, as they finally entered the house anew.

"Like you said… still haven't found the first thing I don't like about you," Sokka smiled, leaning in and sucking on her nipple teasingly. Azula moaned, arching back slightly as Sokka finally reached the living room… and the table filled with contraceptive methods, too.

They laughed as Sokka set Azula down on the table, and their adventures deciding which ones to use began then. They laughed together as they realized they'd mixed up some of the methods, with him eating the seeds while she ate the fruit at first, then switching it around. They decided to settle for that for the time being, though Azula was curious, regardless, about the membrane that Sokka didn't seem convinced by…

"I don't know if it'll feel the same, but fine, we can try it, we can…" he said, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her again. "But right now…"

"Yes…?" Azula asked: she had rested plenty by now. She certainly was ready to go again…

"We should clean up."

Azula raised an eyebrow, and Sokka chuckled as he hoisted her into his arms again.

"We're going to keep doing this, aren't we? Why not clean up after…?" she asked: Sokka groaned, pressing his face to her neck and kissing it softly.

"Because… we've got sand everywhere, girl."

She winced and glanced towards the trail they'd left on their way inside the house. Indeed, there was sand scattered leading up to the table, and plenty on the table too, where he had placed her. She laughed, shaking her head, and the sand spilled down her back, out of her hair, causing her to shiver at the sensations.

"That's… a compelling argument," she conceded, laughing as Sokka carried her away. "As you wish."

"Bet it's going to feel a lot better without sand grains sticking into us everywhere," Sokka chuckled. "If we do it again out there, we'd better set down a towel."

"A good idea," Azula smiled, kissing him earnestly again.

They cleaned up together in the bathroom near Sokka's room: they finally dared be fully naked together, shedding the very exposed clothes they had still been wearing – Azula hadn't even fixed her top to cover her chest so far, and now she wouldn't bother doing it anyway, either. They washed each other thoroughly, intimately, though Sokka proved himself all over again as a grand catch for a lover once he focused particularly on cleaning her hair properly. Azula smiled: she hadn't indulged in the feeling of someone washing her hair for her in so long… what a delightful privilege to reclaim, and by the hands of her lover, who covered her neck in warm kisses while whispering wickedly delightful things in her ear…

Most people took their time to relax in the tub after cleaning up thoroughly: the eagerness led Sokka and Azula to forsake doing that. Instead, they marched into Sokka's chosen room, unable to get their hands off each other at all, trading no end of deep kisses as they finally fell into a comfortable, smooth bed.

All the while, their hearts didn't seem to stop racing. The thrills they felt in each other arms seemed unlike anything they had ever experienced – Azula, naturally, had known this would be an unprecedented matter for her… but Sokka could only smile brightly as he nibbled on her neck, as he fondled her chest, as he stirred her arousal, caressing her core: this was what he had been missing all along. This excitement, this thrill… he had never known he had been looking for it, but he had found it indeed. The cumbersome, dark year he had endured, begrudgingly, suddenly seemed so bright… for she was making it brighter. And she was dangerous, and chaotic, and wicked, and her sense of humor could be as unrefined as his… every single one of those things convinced him further that he was exactly where he always wanted to be, with the right person to be with, just as well.

They determined to spend the night in bed, then, learning each other thoroughly, touching intimately, finding their shared kinship could become something so much deeper than that. They hardly seemed to stop kissing, and they laughed together without restraint at each other's occurrences without fail. After two more rounds of sex, each smoother and more pleasant than the last, they lay together, with Sokka resting atop Azula, comfortably nestled atop her breasts, occasionally pressing soft kisses or even toying with the nipples – Azula even urged him to do it at times, prompting him to laugh as he pleasured her anew.

"Hope your first time was a lot better than you expected," Sokka chuckled, smiling warmly at her as he palmed her chest gently. She smiled, running her fingers through his smooth hair.

"I never expected one, frankly. Thought I'd die a virgin and I wasn't exactly upset about it. Didn't think I'd meet anyone worth doing this with," she whispered, kissing his brow softly. "You make it your life's mission to be contrarian to anything I'm resolved to do, as far as I can tell."

"Isn't it worth it, though?" Sokka grinned goofily. Azula laughed and shrugged.

"You're making it worth it, yes. Smug asshole," she whispered. Sokka snickered proudly.

"Safe to say Ember Island isn't that bad when you go with the right person, huh?" he asked, hand dipping lower, resting on her waist instead. Azula hummed in agreement, reeling him in for a deep kiss.

"Or the wrong person, for the right reasons," Azula laughed. Sokka scoffed. "What?"

"You're just being contrarian like me," he decided. Azula snorted. "You're going to pretend otherwise, are you?"

"Sokka… I'm not sure anyone's ever thought I'm the right fit for anything. Well, other than my father, when it was about sending me to do his bidding," Azula sighed. "We've had great sex, no doubt, but… you think that means I'm right for you?"

"No… I think everything else we shared before that means you're right for me," Sokka whispered, startling Azula. "What? You thought I'd only started wanting you right now?"

"W-well, no, but…"

"Didn't you hear I'd drawn Suki firebending once before?" Sokka smiled, leaning close to kiss her cheek. "The only girl I'd met who could firebend is in this bed with me, right now…"

"Pfft! You're not saying you wanted me like this all along! Sokka…?" Azula said, eyeing him skeptically. He snickered and shrugged.

"I'm not going to pretend I did it consciously, but…" he said. Azula scoffed.

"Sokka… you didn't have a crush on me, did you?"

"I…! Might have?"

"You're ridiculous," Azula snorted, bursting out with laughter again as Sokka groaned, pressing kisses to her neck.

"Well, you slept with the ridiculous idiot who has a crush on you and still has it and would love to keep on sleeping with you, so who's more ridiculous now?" he said.

"Still you," Azula decided. Sokka sighed and shrugged.

"Guess I'll live with that," he said, with a slight smile. "Did… did it never cross your mind? Back in the war, I mean. Ever looked at me and thought: 'oh, what a handsome peasant! If only he had been born Fire Nation, I would be expecting him to ask my father for my hand in marriage…' or so?"

"You really have some wild fantasies, don't you?" Azula smirked. Sokka chuckled and shrugged.

"An imagination is a healthy thing, Princess," he smiled, kissing her lips softly.

"Well… relinquish it a little bit as I tell you the truth," Azula said: Sokka's eyes widened.

"The… huh?" he raised his eyebrows.

"You… were indeed handsome. And when I realized you were actually with Suki, I was disappointed. If just a bit."

Sokka's eyes widened at her confession. She laughed, shaking her head.

"I did enjoy our clash in the tunnels far more than I should have. You're terribly dominant when you want to be," Azula smiled, trailing a hand over his flanks. "It's a good trait in a man… knowing when to stand his ground, as well as when to submit? Fascinating. So… yes, I liked you far more than I should have, I dare say. Never expected anything to happen, of course, and I wasn't about to admit it aloud to anyone, it was treasonous to so much as wonder what it might be like for you to kiss me, but…"

"Well… it's not treasonous now," Sokka smiled, pressing his lips to hers. "And you don't need to wonder much anymore."

"Still treasonous, actually," Azula said, with a slight smirk. "You're in bed with a wanted criminal, didn't you know that?"

"Oh, they can piss off," Sokka growled, and Azula laughed at his reaction. "They sure as hell don't want you as badly as I do."

"Is that right?" Azula laughed, before he kissed her long and tenderly.

The comfort they found together was next to none: Azula wanted more of this, more of him, maybe another round or twenty… her body might not be up for it anymore, she might need a break, but curses, if he asked for another, she would gladly push her limits just for him. Her arms looped around his neck, reeling him in, showing him she wanted him just as badly as he had said he wanted her…

He smiled warmly at her once they pulled back – no one ever smiled at her that way. She knew no one had done it before. Her heart tingled with hope, with bliss, to know that someone did now…

"I just…" he started, before smiling and shaking his head. Her heart jolted with anticipation and eagerness, wondering if he was about to admit he was as hooked on her as she was on him… or would he say something else instead? Who could ever hope to know…?

"What?" Azula nudged him. He laughed, shaking his head. "If it's that funny you should say it. Then, if it's not actually funny, I'll pinch you for getting my hopes up…"

"It's not funny, no," Sokka smiled, cupping her face. "But I think you don't want to hear it, actually."

"Unless you're about to say you were messing with me the whole time and none of this is real? I'm not sure I understand why I wouldn't want to hear it," Azula said, a sense of trepidation rising inside her. Even so, Sokka kept smiling, shaking his head.

"It's not a bad thing, it's just… I'm not sure you're ready to hear it," he said.

"Well… I did say I liked how honest you are, from quite early on actually," Azula said. "Might as well be honest and tell me what you were thinking rather than messing with me this way…"

Sokka breathed deeply, gazing at her with heartfelt emotion. He didn't want to tell her what he was thinking… but once he did, she'd understand exactly why that was the case.

"Very well. Might as well do it," he said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "What's on my mind, you ask? Well… that I'm pretty sure I love you, that's what."

Of all things he could've said, that hadn't so much as crossed Azula's mind.

Where she had forced herself to feel his touch in ways she wasn't used to, only to realize how pleasant it could be after it was done, this time she didn't restrain her impulses to run away. This time, she sat up on the bed, pulling back from him, leaving Sokka to hover where her chest had been moments ago while she pressed against the headboard, as though someone were threatening her rather than making a positive confession. Sokka sighed, gazing at her helplessly… to find immense fear in her eyes. Inexplicable fear, at that.

"Y-you… no. You don't," Azula said, shivering. Sokka raised an eyebrow. "No. You think you do, and you're crazy if you do, but that's not… no. Sokka, you couldn't possibly be… you didn't just say…"

Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth with a hand. Tears bloomed in her eyes:

Someone had told her he loved her.

Sokka loved her.

The initial denial shifted into a burst of disbelief: this wasn't true. It couldn't be true, only…

Sokka didn't lie.

It was a dream, then. It had to be. This couldn't be happening for good, not for real, not to her, because this wasn't what happened to her. No, granted, she didn't sleep with people either, considering this was the first time she'd done that, but… that was different. Sex wasn't love. It didn't have to be. And yet… and yet it might just be for Sokka.

And she had just rejected his confession by refusing to believe it, hadn't she?

"Sokka…!" she gasped, watching him sit up on the bed. He breathed out slowly, offering her a sad smile.

"I know what's going on in my heart, Azula," he said, reaching out to take her hands in his. "And I know it's… not normal, you know? It's… it's really wild, and reckless, and unexpected, and… and I'm enjoying it like nothing I've experienced in my life. You… you've made me happier than I remember being in ages, Azula. And I'm not saying all of this to get you to say the words back to me… I'm saying it so you know that I'm not impulsively blurting this out now because our sex is mind-blowing. It's… it's because I know I feel this way. And if it seems awful to you, and you don't want me to feel like this, I get it but… I can't do much about it, as it happens. You didn't really leave me much of a choice other than falling for you, so…"

"I didn't leave you a choice?" Azula asked, perplexed. "I… I didn't do anything."

"Exactly," Sokka smiled. Azula raised an eyebrow. "You didn't have to."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She stared at him in disbelief, perplexed, and Sokka smiled as he leaned in, pressing his lips softly to hers.

"You don't have to say it back. You don't even have to feel the same way about me," Sokka whispered, caressing her face affectionately. "If you did, well, I'd be a lucky bastard, but it's fine if you don't, too. Whatever makes you happier, whatever you want to do… we'll do it. This is… on your terms. Even if it's my impulsiveness that got us here to begin with…"

He chuckled, eyeing her with a tenderness that struck her deep down in her heart. Azula shivered, raising a hand to clasp his…

"I… I don't know how to love someone," Azula said. Sokka's smile receded. "I… you'd be better off if you didn't feel that way about me, of all people. I've never… Sokka, no one has ever said that to me before."

Sokka gritted his teeth: the revelation came as no surprise, considering everything he knew about her past, about her life until they had converged together as they had. He hadn't loved her all along, regardless of the guilty attraction he constantly tried to stifle and never acknowledge as such from years ago… he had believed she was dangerous, just as everyone else did. He hadn't given her much thought outside of knowing that, whenever she turned up, any given situation was bound to grow more complicated.

So it shouldn't have outraged him that she had never heard those words before. Her brother wasn't likely to speak them – he couldn't remember hearing him say them to Iroh, whom he certainly loved, so how would he ever say them to Azula? Her relationship with her mother was troubled in ways Sokka had scarcely understood, since Zuko didn't often talk about it, and when he did, he appeared not to understand it either. Her father, evidently, was out of the question entirely.

No one had ever loved her. If anyone had, she certainly had never felt it.

Sokka sighed, cupping her face and kissing her softly. He dreaded that she might shove him off, that she might reject his feelings, not out of distaste towards him, but out of fear. This was new territory for the Princess. She had reasons to be uneasy, uncertain… his heart pounded for her, and he longed to wipe away every sorrowful moment she had ever endured. When he pulled back, she appeared unusually lost and vulnerable.

"I don't know if I can… if I can love anyone to begin with," Azula whispered. "In the asylum, the things they said, well…"

"Nothing you've said about that place sounds like they had your best interests in mind at all, Azula," Sokka said, stroking her hair affectionately. "Sounds more like they were glorified jailors, trying to keep you out of Zuko's path for his peace of mind."

"That… might be accurate," Azula said, raising her eyebrows. "Doesn't mean they weren't right about me, though."

"Doesn't mean they were, either," Sokka said. Azula laughed softly.

"You keep giving me so much credit… Sokka, I'm not a good person," she whispered. "If you intend on pursuing this crazy idea of loving me… then you'd do best to keep that in mind. I won't make it easy for you. I haven't so far, as far as I can tell…"

"You'd think… but maybe that's true for anyone but me," Sokka smirked smugly – oh, how she hated the way her heart jolted at the sight of that confident smile upon his face. "I've already told you… I love the way you challenge me. I love that you make me work for… well, everything, really. It's crazy to say it, but… maybe I'm my most authentic self right now because you're with me. And while I'd never say I love myself, I… kind of like the man I've become ever since I've been by your side."

Azula swallowed hard, closing her eyes as though to hold back the tears.

"I'm… not sure I can do this. I don't want to hurt you," Azula said, her voice small. Sokka smiled.

"Well, I'm pretty hardy. I'll roll with the punches until we figure out how this works, how about that?" Sokka said. Azula sighed.

"Is that what a relationship should be like?" she asked. "I mean, I wouldn't know, but it sounds like a chore…"

"I'm a pain in the ass, I make bad jokes, I'm reckless and impulsive when I want to be, and I scold you when you do crazy but fun things like tampering with the tea in your uncle's shop…"

Azula couldn't stifle a chuckle at the memory of her mischief. Sokka smiled, caressing her hair and pressing his lips to her brow.

"If you can endure me at my most irksome… because, well, so far you've never said you won't," Sokka said, with a slight smile. "I'm pretty sure I can take you on no matter what."

"We'll have to test that thoroughly," Azula said, shaking her head. "I trust you in a lot of ways, but right now it sounds like you want to say all the right things, even if you do mean them, but you have an ulterior motive…"

"Do I, now?"

"You know, that you just want to make sure you have cleared the way to get into my pants," Azula declared, haughtily: she feared she might just piss him off, but that was exactly the point: he needed to remember who he was dealing with. Several rounds of incredible sex didn't erase that she…

He snorted and laughed, wrapping his arms around her tightly still, burying his face in her neck.

"S-Sokka…?"

"Test my resolve, then… go on," Sokka smiled, gazing at her warmly once he pulled back. "I dare you."

"You're… infuriating," she said, unable to hold back a slight smile.

"Am I?" he asked, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. Azula sighed.

"I… I'm sorry if I'm being a pain right now, but… Sokka, I want this," she whispered, earnestly. "I want you. I just… don't know how to make love work, I guess. I'm too new to it, too scared of fucking it up…"

"We'll figure it out together," Sokka smiled, taking her hand into his. "And if it's not working? We can always just… have sex anyway."

"Oh, really?" Azula laughed, and Sokka smirked shamelessly. "You're an opportunistic piece of work, Sokka."

"Come on, we're too good at it to stop just because you don't love me," Sokka laughed. Azula scoffed, taking his head in her hands to press an intense kiss to his lips. He responded gratefully, giving as good as he got, and they rolled back on the bed, this time with Azula atop him.

"I never said… I didn't love you," she whispered. Sokka smirked.

"Well, that's a promising start at least," he said, hands on her hips as she blushed, hovering above him, her breasts dangling temptingly in front of his greedy eyes. "Though we can finish that conversation later, I think my brain's just stopped working because, well…"

"What? Something the matter with the landscape?" Azula asked, amused by the sight of his lustful gaze.

"It's a glorious, perfect landscape, yep," Sokka said, smiling slightly as he raised a hand to fondle her chest.

Azula sighed: she could certainly do this, as he had told her. She could succumb to the need of physicality, of feeling his lips on her, his hands raking every curve upon her body, his manhood impaled firmly inside her. Even if she was as fucked up as the damnable asylum said she was, she could try this and defy their beliefs about her, too. Nothing would be quite as gratifying as proving Zuko and his goons wrong… though sleeping with Sokka might just be better than that, actually.

She leaned in, pressing him against the bed, and he laughed as she seemed to suffocate him between her breasts, pressed to his face. She smiled as she let herself forget the heavy matters, to instead unwind by basking in the very thing Sokka wanted to persuade her to do…

Her body would certainly charge her quite expensively for the extended exercise she was subjecting it to: she wasn't used to this, to everything Sokka awakened in her body. The arousal, the new discoveries she was making… she might just be overstimulated, and yet she couldn't have enough of hearing the wicked sounds of his mouth working upon her skin, feeling his warm, teasing tongue darting back and forth across her nipples anew…

She had started bucking her hips against him when she heard a startling sound, coming from deeper in the house.

She jumped away immediately, to Sokka's disappointment. He groaned in frustration, sitting up as she glared towards the door they'd left carelessly open.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Hopefully, just something dumb we misplaced, or that got misplaced ages ago and finally just… fell over?" Sokka said, pressing his face to her chest again. "We'll check it out after…"

Her heart was racing, and not solely because of the excitement Sokka elicited inside her: she pulled back, bringing her fingers to her mouth to urge him to be quiet. Sokka blinked blankly – his leisurely demeanor dwindled over her urgency. If Azula was that worried…

He glanced over too… and then they heard the sound of the front door, closing abruptly.

"Oh, shit," Sokka gasped: Azula yelped, climbing off him at once.

"Isn't Zuko looking for us in the Earth Kingdom?!" she asked Sokka urgently, scrambling out of the bed as he did the same. "What do I…? What do I wear? Sokka…"

"I've got my things here, give me a second," Sokka said, dropping by his bags, pulling them open as he began rummaging for clothes…

Footsteps. Dubitative ones, approaching the room.

"Who the hell would…?" Azula gasped, gritting her teeth and yanking the sheet off the bed – if nothing else, that would help cover her body while Sokka offered her his clothes to wear…

But by the time he flung a long tunic at her, while jumping into a set of pants of his own, the shadowy silhouette of whoever had arrived could be seen through the threshold of the room already… and it wasn't all that dark anymore: the sudden arrival brought a lantern along, and Azula's heart sank – she wouldn't have enough time to put anything on, curses, Sokka had barely just pulled his pants up when the third occupant of the house stepped into the room.

Her heart sank.

Her stomach too.

No, perhaps they imploded.

She had never quite wanted to be deleted from existence quite as badly as she did when her eyes met those of her mother.

Ursa stood in place holding up the lantern, confusion plain across her features as she glanced across the room… at first, she didn't recognize them. No surprise that she wouldn't have, of course, she hadn't seen Azula in a fairly long time and certainly not with her hair in utter disarray as it was… nor had she seen Sokka in this shape, either, holding up his pants awkwardly, his own hair down too. She must have thought they were drunk travelers, sneaking into an empty house for the sake of it…

But Sokka yelped with recognition, paling quickly… even if not as violently as Azula did.

Ursa's jaw dropped slowly. Azula shuddered, gripping the sheet around her body even more tightly. Of all people to walk into the damn room, of all possible people…!

"… Azula?"

The embarrassment of being caught by someone would have been bad enough. The mortification over it being her own mother, with whom she hadn't even spoken in ages, only made everything a million times more unbearable. Whatever progress she had made emotionally on that day with Sokka was poised to backtrack entirely because of this.

Ursa had enough sense to leave them to dress up, and Azula wistfully hoped she would just have taken off altogether. Panic flared in her when she wondered if she might have brought her wretched family too… but after leaving Sokka's room to dress up in her own, and then inspecting the house again, she heard no other voices, no sounds: no sign of Noren and Kiyi. She certainly preferred it that way, even if she would have actually preferred for her mother to not show up at all…

And now they sat on the steps that led outside to the beach, where she and Sokka had gotten carried away wonderfully and delightfully by their mutual attraction. Azula glared in the sand's direction, wishing to turn back time, to go back to feeling cherished and wanted and desired… rather than judged, despised, regretted, as she no doubt expected her mother would feel.

Sokka sat between them, his awkwardness palpable. No doubt he wanted to tell Ursa that he hadn't done anything harmful to Azula – he could even share that they'd tested some birth control methods, as suggested by the woman they'd met earlier that day – but he didn't dare. This tense situation was entirely unprecedented for any of them, and his occasional glances at Ursa revealed that she, clearly, didn't feel any better about it than he did.

He wanted to talk things over. So did Ursa. Azula, most likely, wanted to hear none of it.

"I…" Ursa started, her voice grating on Azula's nerves at once. "I had heard that you were in the Earth Kingdom. I didn't realize you would be, well… here."

"We're traveling a lot," Sokka responded, as calm as he could present himself. "Did, uh, did you know I was with her?"

"There was confusing information on the matter," Ursa smiled awkwardly. "It rather sounded like, uh…"

"Like I'd kidnapped, gagged, drugged him and dragged him with me everywhere?"

Azula's cutting tone sent shivers of the bad kind down Sokka's spine: he wanted to hug her, tell her everything would be fine… but he knew she wouldn't take well to that right now.

"Well… I hoped that wasn't the case," Ursa admitted. Azula let out a bark of sarcastic laughter.

"You hoped? Well, it's not, so I suppose you must be happy now," Azula growled.

"I'm… confused, if anything," Ursa said. Azula scoffed.

"If what confuses you is the obvious? My personal life is none of your business," she snapped. Ursa winced, and Sokka glanced at Azula mournfully.

"I… I guess not, but…" Ursa whispered, gritting her teeth.

"No. No, don't give me that damn tone, I'm not having it," Azula snapped: she pushed herself up, shaking her head and pacing in front of the stairs.

"Azula…" Sokka called her, but she ignored him. As much as she might have grown to care for him, this did not call for his intervention.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Azula asked, turning towards Ursa. "And without your damn family, too? What, are you sick of them as well by now? Did they finally bore you and you were looking for something more invigorating in Ember Island? Eager to replace your husband and daughter yet again, maybe?"

"Azula, I didn't…" Ursa started. Azula scoffed.

"Don't lie. That's exactly what you did. And don't pretend that you're sorry for it now," Azula growled. "I… I was a damn terrible daughter, sure I was. And my father? He was a nightmare of a husband to you, I'm sure! Everyone in your life was making you miserable, everyone but precious, perfect Zuko! Oh, Zuzu, the light in everyone's lives, the only person worth anything carrying Sozin's rotten blood…!"

She let out a laugh, shaking her head and turning away from her mother: the dark night left the stars to gleam brightly above them, and Azula shuddered as more words she should have withheld, that she should have never spoken, spilled from her lips.

"I'm under no delusions that I deserved a better mother," Azula hissed. Ursa winced next to Sokka. "Regardless of whatever nonsense you think of me, Sokka? I truly am not worth any of that. I'm a terrible person, a mess, living my life just for the sake of it, knowing I'm fated for nothing grand, nothing worthwhile, nothing significant! I don't have a purpose, not for myself, not for real! All I have is ten tons of baggage that I most likely deserve to carry, and yet…! And yet no one, ever, thought that maybe I didn't want to carry it. That maybe I just wanted… to find some stupid boy I might like, someone to have a normal life with, someone I could just be myself with, settle down without needing to be on the run, fleeing from a brother who wouldn't shed a tear if his bounty hunters and soldiers slaughtered me under his orders!"

"What…?" Ursa gasped.

"So I'm quite sorry, Mother, but I don't want to hear whatever excuses you want to make for everything you've done, or haven't done!" Azula exclaimed, glaring at her. "I don't need to hear it. I don't want to. If you get to be selfish, to run away with the man you actually wanted, and have a life of leisurely carelessness while forsaking your son and daughter? Then I get to be selfish and tell you I don't give a shit! I get to be selfish and fuck whoever I want to! I get to be selfish and sabotage Zuko and Iroh in whatever stupid ways I can, if I still can, because they vex me! And I get to walk away, just as you did, and forget that I even had a mother if I feel like it, just as you forgot about me! How does that sound?!"

Ursa gritted her teeth, lowering her gaze. She said nothing, and neither did Sokka. Azula dreaded her outburst might just chase him away, but as uncomfortable as he looked, he hadn't said anything still. He hadn't fled. He hadn't come to Ursa's rescue, either. That last thing was probably the most surprising of them all…

"There's… so much I never got to say," Ursa whispered at last, and Azula snarled. "But above all, I… I don't blame you for my mistakes. That's the main thing I need you to understand, Azula."

"You don't blame me?" Azula smiled slightly. "Well, that's too bad. I blame you for a ton of things, myself."

"You're right to," Ursa said. Azula huffed, shaking her head. "Azula, I know it must be annoying, frustrating to hear me say it, but…"

"It is, yes. Thanks for noticing," Azula said, sardonically.

"There's nothing I can do to make up for the past," Ursa said. Azula scoffed.

"Which is why you won't even try."

"I didn't say that…"

"Might as well have. You didn't come here to see me, you had no idea I was here, and I'm sure the first thing you'd like to do is run for the hills at once," Azula growled. "And I know that because that's how I feel about being anywhere near you. And I'm unloading all this on you, right here, right now, because I know the chances are I'll never see you again. So, mind you, while you're not the only person to blame for the fuckup I've become, you certainly are responsible for plenty of it."

Ursa gritted her teeth, lowering her gaze again.

"I… I know this is something you've carried with you for a long time," Ursa whispered. Azula frowned. "It's only grown worse, I'm sure, as time goes by. I… I can acknowledge I wronged you, Azula. I never did right by you…"

"Nobody did," Azula cut her, cleanly. "And yet… I suppose you assumed my father, of all people, would be able to raise me into being a respectable, dignified Princess one day?"

"I… I had no such expectations from your father, no."

"So you forsook me while knowing that he was a bastard who would have sacrificed my life in a heartbeat, if it had ever come to that, to win so much as petty victories in the war," Azula concluded. Ursa grimaced, lowering her gaze. "And I… I would've accepted it, yes. I served a greater purpose, after all! The Fire Nation's cause, furthering our march of civilization all across the world…! That was all that mattered, the only thing I should've spent my life doing, and instead, I wound up losing everything and becoming a wanted criminal, a complete wreck of a human being, if I'm even that, because you think I'm a monster after all…!"

"I don't…! Oh, Azula…!"

"That's fine, I must be one. Why deny it now?" Azula laughed sardonically, looking at Ursa mercilessly. "If I wasn't one all along, which I probably was, and you were most likely right about me the whole time, then I sure became one later, right? Because the moment someone was crazy enough to… to say he loved me? I felt like saying it right back and yet I was terrified, terrified right out of my mind because how could I possibly say that?! It would be a lie, a monster wouldn't possibly love someone and… and if I did? If I did, I'd fuck it up somehow! I'd hurt him, I'd mess up, because that's just all I can do, all I've ever done, as the monster I've become. And you know what? I own up to that fact… to being one. But don't you dare pretend… don't you dare pretend you're not responsible for who I am. You, my father… the two of you, hell, my uncle for underestimating and then despising me! My brother, for constantly trying to prove himself better than me instead of ever just being my brother?! None of you… none of you get away with pretending I was too far gone, that I could not be saved! If you had bloody tried, maybe I wouldn't have seen you in mirrors and in reflections, maybe you wouldn't have haunted me the way you did until I knew, for sure, that you had never cared about me and that you never would! 'I'm sorry I didn't love you enough'? What kind of blasted mother would say something like that?! You had a choice! You could've done better, and you didn't! And this… this is your retribution for it. The daughter you revile, letting you know you're never going to live down the shame of your responsibility in who she has become. Because, believe it or not, I'm not all good now. I'm not, even if I'm trying to fulfill someone's dream, I…"

She faltered suddenly.

Her words brought back something that had escaped her mind blissfully, carelessly, so far.

She froze up, covering her mouth with a hand. The rushing disgust that overwhelmed her, that overtook her, was so much worse than being caught by Ursa…

"Azula?" Sokka frowned, standing up and approaching her: she held a hand out, stopping him at once.

"Stay… stay put. Stay there. I…" Azula said, snarling. "I can't do this right now. I can't do this anymore."

She marched back inside, an anguished expression across her face. Sokka raised a hand as though to stop her, but he didn't have the heart to do so. Instead, he sighed as he watched her leave, longing more than ever to hold her in his arms and protect her from everything that might harm her… even if it was someone who appeared to be as tame and unthreatening as Ursa.

The woman stood up, wiping tears from her eyes, but she released a heavy breath as she turned towards him.

"You'll… go after her?" she asked. Sokka nodded.

"I mean to. But I'll give her some more time," he said, biting his lip. "I have a feeling I know what… what's bothering her right now."

"I can leave," Ursa said. Sokka frowned. "Though… I mean to come back tomorrow anyway, provided you'll stay a little longer."

"You'll… leave? And stay where?" Sokka asked.

"There are plenty of inns. If that fails… Lo and Li might just have me," Ursa sighed. "Not the best place to stay, but it would do. I just… was she talking about you? When she said that… that someone told her he loved her?"

Sokka grimaced, nodding slowly. Ursa sighed, offering him a watery grin.

"Good. I'm glad… I'm glad you feel that way," she said.

"Do you feel that way, too?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. Ursa's face fell again, and she lowered her gaze.

"My heart breaks every time I think of her," she whispered. "And the more time goes by… the more I realize just how much I wronged her. In fact, I… I needed to hear everything she said. She would likely think I'm patronizing her, no matter if I'm being fully honest…"

"She does have a tendency to think everyone's lying to her," Sokka admitted. Ursa winced. "Guess I'm lucky I'm the only one who's such a bad liar that she knows there's no way I'm being anything but honest."

"Well… she needs people like you in her life. Without a doubt," Ursa said, earnestly. "And I won't shirk away my responsibility in her state of mind. Which, well… has it improved, do you think? I've never done anything to help her with that, though, honestly… it sounds like I was the source of her mental disturbances, if anything."

"I don't know if the source, or the sole one, if you were, but… she's better," Sokka said, nodding. "She does see visions of someone else, not you, these days… but as much as I can't see her myself, she's really there. She's no mirage like you were."

"Wait… what?" Ursa frowned. Sokka sighed.

"I'm only telling you that because I assumed that you would want what's best for her. But if you say that you'll have her locked up in the asylum for seeing things, I…"

"That's…! I wouldn't have said that, not even years ago, Sokka. Though… what would you do, if I had said it?" Ursa asked. Sokka's eyebrow twitched as he glared at her distastefully.

"Honestly? Probably scooped her up and ran for the hills before either of us did anything we'd regret, whether to you or to guards or whoever came to get her," Sokka said. "But you won't do that, then?"

"No. I… no one can take her to that place anymore to begin with, I thought Zuko would've told you about that. But more than that, I know I've failed her, Sokka, but I want to do better. I want to do right by her," Ursa said, earnestly. Sokka raised an eyebrow, puzzled by what Ursa had implied about the asylum, but choosing to focus on Azula instead. "Even if I have no idea how, right now. But… I'm done running away. I'm responsible for my daughter. I can do better for her sake. I want to. I just… don't even know where to start."

"Saying you'll come back tomorrow is a good start, I think," Sokka said. "Not wanting her hunted down… that's also good. But she's going to need much more than that. And mind you… while I'm willing to try to smooth some things over, I'm her ally, not yours. I'm with her. Don't ask me to help you build bridges between you two. It'll only anger her more."

"I understand," Ursa said, breathing deeply and nodding. "Thank you, Sokka. For your candidness… and for helping Azula as you have. I… well, I don't really know what kind of relationship you have, it seems to be, well…"

"We're not really sure yet either," Sokka admitted, cheeks red. "But we'll figure it out."

"I hope so. Just… take care of her," Ursa whispered. "None of us have, so far. I know I ask for more than I have any right to… most of all when I'm to blame for so many of her sorrows. But… don't leave her alone. Stay with her. Stand by her side and… and make sure she knows she can be loved. It won't be easy… but if she's already opened up this much to you, and you understand each other well, then… as long as she has you, she might just find true happiness, true peace, one day."

"I intend to bring them to her, yeah," Sokka said, with a small smile. "As much as I don't know what we are yet… I do know I would spend my life with her. I've only done it for a few months and I can't imagine my future without her in it anymore."

"That's… that's marvelous," Ursa smiled warmly, nodding at him. "Then… go. Go to her now and… and let her see that she's not alone. I'll go, and I'll come in the morning again. What I have in mind might not work out, but if it does, maybe… maybe I can start building those bridges after all."

"If you already have a plan in mind… that's good," Sokka said, smiling a little. Ursa nodded. "Good luck, then. See you in the morning."

"Have a good night, Sokka."

She was shockingly civil for someone who had just faced so many harsh accusations from her daughter, Sokka thought… accusations that might not have been off-base at all. But Sokka couldn't help but worry about Azula anyway: she wasn't fine, not only because of Ursa…

But because of Yue.

He found the Princess in her own room, unused as it had been, sitting in a corner, hugging her legs to her chest. He sighed, approaching her and taking his seat by the edge of the mattress.

"She's gone," Sokka said. Azula winced. "Says she'll be back in the morning, though."

"Right. As if," Azula said, shivering. "Doesn't even matter if she does, because I… S-Sokka, just… go back to your room. Go and…"

"Azula," Sokka sighed, as Azula sobbed and shook her head. "I know what's wrong now. At least, I think I do and…"

"Did you so much as think about her at all? Did she even cross your mind?" Azula snarled, raising her head, glaring at him almost accusingly. Sokka grimaced. "Because… she didn't cross mine at all. I bloody went into the water for the mirror and then… and then I forgot all about her. I was just so lost in what we did, what we had, how I was completely swept up by the whirlwind of it all and…!"

"I did think about her."

Azula froze, staring at Sokka in confusion and chagrin. Sokka climbed off the bed, kneeling before her.

"I knew what I was doing every step of the way," Sokka said. Azula's jaw dropped. "Problem is... you seem to think I'm not over Yue. And that's not true… not the way you think it is, anyway."

"The hell does that mean?" Azula said. "W-well, even if you're over her, you…!"

"I was in a relationship for ten years with another woman, Azula. If Yue didn't hate Suki, why would she hate you?" he asked. Azula scoffed.

"Because Suki didn't even know her! I… I'm the only person she can talk to! I'm the only one who can see her! I've spent all this time telling myself that no matter how many times you bat your eyelashes at me, how often you make it look like you want me just as much as I wanted you, it could never happen! I refused to be… t-to be a traitor. To hurt my… my friend. She is my friend, and I… I betrayed her."

"You didn't betray anyone," Sokka sighed, but Azula shook her head. "Azula, this between you and me isn't some wild affair behind my wife's back: Yue and I were kids! I loved her, yes, but how am I supposed to know if things between her and I would have lasted? Maybe Arnook would've shut things down if Yue hadn't sacrificed herself! Maybe he wouldn't have accepted a man of the Southern Water Tribe marrying his daughter! Maybe she would have changed her mind and found someone else… hell, she was supposed to marry someone else! And she was kissing me anyway, and leading me on, and spending time with me and then breaking my heart every time she walked away by telling me this thing between us couldn't last!"

Azula stared at him in astonishment after his tirade finished. Sokka breathed deeply, hands trembling as he struggled not to reach for hers until he knew for sure that he could do it.

"I told you already… I'm not traveling with you, I didn't join your journey, because I thought I'd get Yue back as a result," he said. "This is…"

"About doing right by her?" Azula cut him off, startling Sokka. "Do tell, how exactly are you and I doing right by her when I…? I can't even fathom… she must have noticed what happened. When we cleaned up, at least, there was water and I didn't even look. A mirror, surely, and I was so swept up with you that I couldn't…! I forgot all about her! Just like my mother forgot me!"

"Well, you're not Yue's mother…"

"No, I'm her friend! Her only friend!" Azula nearly screamed, shivering. "And I stabbed her in the back with you. Not because you think it was fine does it mean it really was. This isn't… it's not excusable. It's not forgivable! If everything was different, if she hadn't become the Moon Spirit, she would be with you! And then, you would have never taken one look at me because you would've been all about her! And I might as well have died alone, without anyone ever saying those damn words to me, without ever knowing what it felt like to… to connect with anyone! To feel like I was real, for once in my damn miserable life…! Like I… l-like I actually mattered. Like I…"

Sokka huffed, shaking his head and staring at Azula sternly. She didn't meet his gaze, hands going up to her hair.

"I'm… I'm unforgivable," Azula said.

"You think Yue would want me to live my entire life without experiencing anything properly just because I can't be with her?" Sokka asked. Azula laughed.

"I know I would… if I were in her shoes. I'm selfish like that, don't you know?" Azula said, glaring at him again. Sokka snarled.

"Selfish? If you were selfish you wouldn't be grieving for Yue's potentially broken heart as you are right now," Sokka said. "You'd have gone to a mirror to rub in her face that you've gone further with me than she ever had a chance to. You could do that, couldn't you? So why aren't you?"

"What kind of… unreasonable bastard are you?" Azula asked, glaring at him. Sokka raised his eyebrows.

"What? Want me to bring you some water, then, so you can do it?" he asked.

"I'd throw it at your face if you did," Azula hissed. Sokka smirked.

"And then I'd take you into my arms anyway. And if there were a reflection upon the water you flung at me, she'd see everything we're doing…"

"She wouldn't…! Not like that! She wouldn't see from the reflection of water on your body just because…!" Azula scoffed. Sokka chuckled, rising to his full height. She snarled, pushing herself up as she supported herself on the wall. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"What? That I know you're wrong, that's what," Sokka said, with a careless shrug. "About everything, actually."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Azula snarled.

"I know Yue doesn't hate you because you and I have any manner of connection or relationship," Sokka said, firmly. "Toph was standing near the cell for a very long time, you know? While you confessed all the things you did. The mirror was in Toph's pocket then, and Yue surely overheard what you said. Before that? You set the mirror down that night, when we were drunk. We talked, and I said you were beautiful. She must have heard all of that, you were close enough that she would have…"

"Shut up…" Azula said, eyes widening.

"What did she say about any of those things?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows.

"She must have missed it…!" Azula said. Sokka smirked.

"Or she didn't. And she just… didn't hate you for it."

"That's not…!" Azula exclaimed, glaring at him in disbelief. "If that were the case, she'd be even more foolish than I thought! Who the hell would think it's fine for their best friend to sleep with the man they love?! What kind of…?!"

"Maybe the kind of person who knows that their material life had to be sacrificed, and who cherishes the people they left behind, and hopes they can live on to their full potential, whether they're around not!" Sokka exclaimed. Azula's eyes widened. "And mind you, I wouldn't call that foolish. I'd call that… wisdom. Soulfulness. Compassion. But I bet you think… it's just pity, right? All over again?"

"I didn't say that," Azula hissed. Sokka huffed. "I don't believe you."

"Then she's been lying about how miserable she is about you and me?" Sokka said, raising his eyebrows. "You're going to accuse her of lying again? Well, then, why do you care?"

"What do you mean, why do I care?" Azula scoffed. "Why wouldn't I care? What kind of monster do you think I am that…?"

"If she's lying to you, and pretending something's fine when it's not, maybe it's on her for not making things clear in the first place," Sokka said. Azula winced.

"Or maybe it's on me to not hurt someone the exact same way I was hurt? How is this so hard to understand, Sokka? Are you that eager to get back to where we left off?" Azula asked, eyes wide. "Men. Guess it's true that's the only thing you think about."

"Find Yue," Sokka said, firmly. Azula shook her head. "Talk to her. Hear what she actually has to say…"

"I won't."

"Azula…"

"I won't look in a mirror! I won't look at liquids, or metal, or… or even go to sleep!" Azula exclaimed. Sokka frowned. "I'm not seeing her again. I refuse. I couldn't possibly…! What kind of shameless piece of shit would I have to be to just go up to her and try to make her understand just why I made you cheat with…!"

"It's impossible to make you understand, is it?" Sokka sighed. "You really think that, across the ten years I spent with Suki, I was cheating on Yue?"

Azula shivered. She shook her head, glaring pointedly at the floor.

"I already told you… it's different because of… of the connection I have with Yue. Suki didn't have that," Azula said, closing her eyes. "As I do… as she's the sole reason why you're even here to begin with, I can't… can't disrespect her like that. I can't shame her, I can't…"

"Then say all that to her face," Sokka suggested. Azula frowned. "You know that's what friends do? They own up to their fuckups and accept whatever punishment they're deemed worthy of…"

"I don't need you to patronize me or lecture me about basic nonsense anyone knows," Azula hissed. "I said I don't want to see her. And she'd better not want to see me, either."

"What if she does?" Sokka asked. Azula snarled. "You can't run away from her forever and you know it. Even if you covered every cup of water you drink, she'd be able to speak to you as she has so far. Even if you stay awake for ten days, you'll end up passing out of exhaustion sooner than later. One way or another, Azula…"

"I don't…!" Azula gritted her teeth. "I'll just walk away! I'll leave you here, and when I have to face her again, I can do it by telling her that I'll never see you again!"

"Ah. Is that how it is?" Sokka asked, raising his eyebrows. Azula winced, covering her mouth with a hand. "Okay, then. Go on ahead and leave… but ask yourself why, exactly, you're crying just to think of doing that."

Azula winced again: her hand forcefully wiped the tear that spilled down her face, and Sokka approached her again, almost pinning her to the wall anew. Azula glared at him begrudgingly… not knowing whether she wanted him to leave or stay more.

"I don't want to go anywhere," Sokka told her, bluntly. "I wasn't lying earlier. You told me you were too complicated, too difficult to love? Well, I'm sure this is what you meant. And you know what? I'm ready to face it. To chase you all across the world if I must. To have my heart broken time and again… and even then, I won't give up on you. I gave up on Yue because of her duty, because she asked me to let go: I refuse to do the same with you. I learned my lesson. I'll be selfish… and I'll keep you to myself."

"I thought… you'd said this would be on my terms," Azula said, frowning. Sokka breathed deeply. "If my terms stipulate that you'd better get lost…"

"You'll have to convince me that's what you want," Sokka said. "You're supposed to be a better liar than that."

Azula gritted her teeth: Sokka leaned closer, a hand above her on the wall. She shook her head.

"Get out," she said. Sokka pressed his brow to hers.

"I won't leave you," he whispered. Azula snarled, more tears blooming in her eyes.

"You'll regret it if you don't," she said, with a slight sob. "I already regret enough things as it is…"

"I regret enough things too. Like not running to you in Omashu as soon as I saw how beautiful you were," Sokka said. Azula winced, confused by his claim. "Or fighting you when I had to, when I just wanted to get to know your name. Or resisting against you, when all I wanted to do was surrender. Pinning you to walls without kissing you senseless… leaving you behind in prisons, or temples, instead of reaching out to you and hoping you'd want to come along."

"I wouldn't have. Ever;" Azula said, firmly.

"No, you wouldn't have," Sokka said, with a smirk. "But I should have tried, anyway."

Azula gritted her teeth: he was infuriating. The way he spoke, the way he looked at her… all of it urged her to do the one thing she was resisting constantly, more so upon remembering, realizing, what a betrayal she had committed against Yue. But that was just who she was, wasn't it? The shameless fool who hurt everyone she cared for, who kept proving over and over that she wasn't worth their time… their love.

She snarled, raising her hands to grab Sokka's shirt. The expression on his eyes gave away that he expected her to shove him off, to reject him even though he intended to stay near her, to ensure she wouldn't run away or do anything reckless…

But she could certainly do something insanely reckless by pushing him violently.

Sokka gasped, falling heavily on his back on the bed.

A moment later, Azula climbed over him, her mouth ravenously claiming his.

It was just one last go… one final taste of the forbidden. What was one more? She was a traitor already. She had done something unforgivable as it was. If Yue would forgive her for the first slight, she'd have to forgive the second one too. If she wouldn't forgive her at all, what did it matter, in the end, if she fell into bed with him a second time?

She would be selfish. She would peel off his clothes, she would kiss him fiercely, she would devour his body much as he would do the same to hers, and then they would grind together lustfully, recklessly, knowing their time was limited, that every second that passed as they were entangled together brought them closer to the last. Her body shouldn't have been able to take it, after so much passion and excitement from mere hours ago… but she gave herself to him, regardless, one more time, and then another, and then…

She fell asleep in his arms. She couldn't tell he wasn't even close to dozing off yet once she was unconscious, eyes still open for a while longer as he clung to her firmly, refusing to let her go.

________________

The dark forces gripped her, holding her down, as they always did. Her hair no longer properly groomed, instead running loosely, spilling white, all around her body. But it was paler than before. Everything was darker, as though the restraints were spreading from farther away from where they had begun…

Azula gasped. She was part of this, whatever it was. She could feel Yue's lifeforce, somehow, beating in her own heart. Her guilt reared its head, but it grew even worse at the sight of her in such distress…

"Yue," she called: the Water Tribe Princess raised her head, her blue eyes meeting hers. "Yue… I…!"

"Go," Yue said, her voice tender and earnest. "Leave, before he returns. Go. I'll be fine."

"What? N-no, I… I can get you out. I will get you out, I… I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…"

A cruel cackle: Yue's face paled further. Azula winced, recognizing the panic in Yue's features. She shook her head.

"Wake up. Wake up. Azula, please wake up…!"

"Yuuuueeeee!"

Azula gasped awake, eyes flying fully open after that unsettling vision… a stranger vision than any that had preceded it. She had never taken such physical shape within dreams… Yue had told her to leave…? To leave before someone else came back? She frowned, uncertainty gripping her chest as deep dread and fear swirled in her gut…

Sokka's arms were still firm around her, but Azula slipped out of his grip without much struggle, if only because he was heavily asleep by now, having passed out at some point after she did.

She couldn't fight the swirling fear in her heart right now, though. Even if she hadn't meant to do this, she had to right now. She would bear with the judgment and the hatred… but she needed to make sure Yue wasn't in danger.

Never had her dreams found any follow up in reality: too often she had seen Yue in darkness, particularly at first. Slowly, the dreams had shifted and she would be restrained by darkness, instead… but seldom would she speak. Never would she express that someone was a threat to Azula's safety. And that shrill laughter, then the deep voice calling her name at the end… they had felt inhumane. Surreal, unnatural…

She pulled her sleeping gown, dressing herself hastily in it and nothing else, before rushing to the bathroom. Dread swirled and threatened to break her as she finally reached the room… as she glanced into the mirror.

A perfectly well-groomed Yue, with no restraints to speak of, smiled at her when Azula finally raised her gaze.

"You… you're okay?" Azula asked. Yue smiled.

"Azula," she said, simply. "Isn't it late? You should be sleeping right now."

"I… I was. I just… had a dream. About you," Azula admitted, frowning. "I didn't really want to see you, whether in dreams or not, but…"

"Oh… huh," Yue said, eyeing her mournfully. "Well, you don't have to talk with me if you'd rather not do it. But I always like talking to you. What happened?"

"Nothing's… no. Sokka is right. Sokka… the bastard is always right when it comes to this kind of shit and I hate that about him, I…" Azula said, covering her face with her hands. "Yue, I'm sorry. I… I'm really sorry. I… I betrayed you."

"Me?" Yue asked, perplexed. "How, exactly…?"

"I… I was intimate with him. With Sokka." Azula gritted her teeth hugging herself, unable to hide the shame. "I was weak! He's… he's far more charming than he has any right to be, and he's affectionate, and kind, and I… I haven't had anyone show me that sort of kindness before. The way he reads me so clearly, the way he challenges me, it all just blurred and blinded me to the fact that… that this would be awful for you. And he says… surely you've overheard things. That you know that he and I… t-that we were fighting some damnable attraction for all this time. But we gave up like fools, and… and I should have told you about this. No, I just…! I shouldn't have done it at all."

Yue remained silent, watching Azula apprehensively. The Fire Nation Princess snarled, shaking her head.

"This isn't what… what a friend should do. I know it's not. I'm not a good friend, Yue. I'm not. You deserve better than this and… and he's an idiot. He deserves better than me too, but hey, if he was down for betraying you this way too? He definitely isn't worthy of you either. No more than I am. So… I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She had made mistakes she couldn't take back. She had done terrible things Yue would never truly forgive her for. Unfortunately, Yue was still stuck with her despite that…

"It won't happen again," Azula swore, tears surging in her eyes as she said the words. "I… I will know my place. I won't slip up like that again, I promise, I…"

"Azula…" Yue called her, her voice carrying a strange, unusual tone with it. Azula swallowed hard, daring gaze up at the girl in the mirror…

Her expression wasn't that of outrage, or displeasure. Instead, it was…

"How was it?"

Curiosity. That's what it was.

Azula gawked at Yue as her jaw dropped. Yue shifted in place, blue eyes gleaming eagerly in the light of dawn as she waited for Azula to share…

"W-what the fuck? What did you just…? How was it?" Azula asked. Yue pouted. "Are you for real?!"

"I am! I never got that far with Sokka, evidently!" Yue pouted. "We were too young and there was no time and… you know, if I had lived long enough, I would have been happy to test those waters, but it never did happen. So, well, I thought I'd ask you! I hope he was a good lover…"

"You cannot be serious," Azula said: the dread that swirled in her gut seemed to freeze over. Yue blinked blankly.

"Why not? You just slept with him, why would you think I wouldn't be serious about it if you just did it…?" Yue huffed. "And don't start with your silly claims of having higher standards than I do: you're the one who slept with him after all."

"I…! Why are you acting like it doesn't matter that I did this?" Azula asked.

"What? Of course it matters!" Yue exclaimed. "It's very important and I'm really, really… curious. Intrigued. I really wondered if you'd share… but, well, other than a couple of glimpses of you two in the bathroom, I didn't get to see much…"

"T-that's…! That's private! What were you looking at?!" Azula exclaimed, cheeks flushed. Yue chuckled, covering her mouth with a hand.

"Honestly, I was a little curious about a lot of things," she laughed. "But I admit, it got a little too intense after a moment so I covered my eyes and then you were out of my field of vision when you were washing up or so. I only overheard a lot of kissing, and funny moans, and…"

"You might as well just kill me now. Smite me with your moon powers so I can get out of this conversation, please," Azula said, hiding her face behind her hands. Yue giggled.

"You don't understand?" Yue asked. Azula shook her head.

"You love him," Azula said, firmly. "He was supposed to be yours."

"He wasn't supposed to be anyone's," Yue said. Azula frowned. "That's… that's not how love works, Azula. It's up to Sokka to decide who he wants to be with. And right now… it looks like he really, really likes you! I really hope you two will be a great match…"

"Why?" Azula said, her heart pounding in her chest. "Yue, w-why would you…? Please tell me you understand why this makes no sense to me. I… I'm your friend, aren't I? Your first friend, you said? Why would you…?"

Yue gazed at her in perplexity… and then Azula's words seemed to sink in.

She smiled.

"Well… you're not wrong: I love Sokka," Yue said, earnestly. "But… I guess what you don't realize is that I love you too."

Azula froze. Her eyes widened, and she took a step back. Yue smiled warmly, hands by her chest.

"The truth is… well, I might have known more about what was happening between you sooner than you or Sokka knew I did," she said, with a guilty smile. "It's not just what I've overheard of you two when you thought I wasn't listening… it's how much I've grown to know you both. And you know what? I… I know you better than I know Sokka, actually. I didn't realize how little I knew of him until this journey started. I've come to learn so much more of him, of the man he has become, than I ever imagined…"

"Because of this trip?" Azula asked, perplexed. "But even then… you loved him before, didn't you?"

"I looked forward to getting to know more about him. To finding out if… if we were truly a good match or not," Yue laughed, with a shrug. "That can't be anymore. It has been the case for well over ten years now. When he first started out with Suki, well… I saw him hesitate. At first, I was jealous, yes, but… when he pulled away, I realized what the memory of me might do to him, if he couldn't move on. At that point… I couldn't be selfish. I didn't want to be. Instead… I hoped for his happiness. I knew it wasn't up to me to grant it to him anymore… but I hoped Suki could. And then it turned out that she didn't, to both of our surprises… but you? You… you and Sokka are better suited for each other than I ever imagined. So… maybe you're the answer, Azula."

"I… I'm not the answer for anyone. For anything," Azula said, tears spilling down her cheeks again. "It shouldn't be me, Yue, it should be…"

"Nobody gets to decide what should or shouldn't be," Yue said, firmly, if kindly. "Sokka has spent years suffering the guilt over failing to save me in the North Pole, for not defeating Admiral Zhao before he could kill Tui. Do you think it was his fault? Do you think Admiral Zhao was fated to do that, just as he pretended he was?"

"I… I don't know. I… I hope not. I don't think you could have ever been fated to just… die," Azula said, snarling. Yue smiled kindly at her.

"Nobody gets to decide what fate will turn out like for us," she said. "And if it was my fate to live my life with him, and misfortune changed that… then I want Sokka to find happiness in his life, all the same. I want him to find love… and I know he found exactly what he was looking for with you."

"I'm not… n-not worthy of this. Of your understanding," Azula said, covering her face with her hands. "I've been breaking things, constantly, hurting people deliberately, doing awful things without fail…! Why are you so compassionate? Why can you look me in the eye without… without disdain? Without hating me?"

"Because I love you," Yue said again, warmly. Azula shivered, shaking her head. "Because I see you, Azula… I see you so much more clearly than you think I can, stuck in these mirrors and bodies of water and metal. I really do. I've seen the kindness you don't want anyone to witness… the vulnerable sides you hide from those who would exploit them. I've seen your helplessness, your need for a purpose, your loneliness! And there's one thing I've never seen, in this year I've spent by your side: I've never seen a monster."

Azula shivered, her hands lowering as she dropped to her knees: suddenly, it was as though she were the teenager, the child, while Yue was the wise, older figure who could offer her guidance, who could show her the way no one else had ever bothered to point her to. Her throat closed in as she broke down in desperate tears…

She wasn't lying. Yue wasn't lying.

Azula crumbled, a hand upon the mirror, as though wanting to reach her… as though wanting to hug the Moon Spirit, offering her the kindness and compassion she had craved desperately, for so long. To think her mistake had been answered this way… as though it were no mistake whatsoever. As though she had made the right choice to fall in love with Sokka.

"I'm here for you," Yue said, warmly, earnestly. "I want you to be happy. I know just how much this means to you, because… it means just as much for me, too. We really do have so many things in common, Azula… down to even loving the same man. How could I ever blame you for feeling the way you do towards him, when I never could hold back, myself?"

She laughed guiltily, kneeling before Azula too. The Fire Nation Princess's dark hair spilled over her features, but when she raised her face, her eyes were earnest, emotionally charged like never before.

"You… you forgive me for this? You won't… w-won't tell me I can't be with him?" Azula asked. "You think I could…?"

Yue smiled tenderly: she raised her hand… and placed it right against hers. Azula's heart jolted for it.

"I'd be cross with you if you decided not to be with him because of me," Yue smirked slightly. "I don't have a chance with him anymore: you do. Don't waste it."

Azula's heart trembled upon hearing those words. Her generosity made no rational sense to her… but it was a shocking revelation, an offer she couldn't refuse… she wasn't strong enough to do it. She wanted Sokka, she craved him… and she didn't want to lose Yue either. She truly didn't want to. She…

She didn't want Yue to leave. After a year of trying to get rid of her… now Azula didn't want her to leave at all.

"I… I've never had a friend like you," Azula admitted, between sobs. Yue smiled kindly.

"And I haven't had one like you, either," Yue said. "It's kind of… thrilling, isn't it? Exciting?"

Azula trembled as she gazed at her friend, between tearful eyes. It looked like Yue was moments away from crying, too.

"I… I'll keep fulfilling your dream. The purpose you gave me. I promise, even if… i-if Sokka and I do go forward like that, I… I won't set you aside," Azula said. "I promise… I'll keep going. I'll do right by you. I'll take you everywhere… we'll see this world together."

"And you'll live all the experiences I couldn't," Yue said, beaming. "You're still in the material world… you really have to make the most of it. Eat all the wonderful foods… and have fun in the craziest places! Katara once talked about otter penguins in the South Pole… you and Sokka should go see them! And maybe even ride them…!"

"That sounds unreal. Riding a penguin…?" Azula repeated, and Yue laughed while nodding enthusiastically.

"She said it was doable, so I hope it is," she said. "You went swimming already, and you tried to build sandcastles…"

"They weren't anything noteworthy," Azula smiled. Yue giggled and shrugged.

"There's bound to be so much more… oh! You promised you'd try to see me in a drink!" Yue exclaimed. Azula laughed. "I want to try that too. Maybe I won't get drunk at all, but I could act like I am, and then maybe it'll be funny anyway."

"It might be," Azula said, earnestly. Yue grinned. "You… you want me to live my life. To… to actually live it, rather than sulking over what I lost, or trying to find petty revenges? To… to finally close the door to those stages of my life that… that no longer can be fixed? You can't reclaim what you lost, and neither can I… but we can look for a new future. Maybe one that… that you could be a part of, too."

"That would be wonderful," Yue said, with a heartfelt, pained smile. "But as it is… I'll just go on and experience life through you, somehow. That's enough for me, for now."

Azula shivered, nodding as she pressed her hand to the reflection of hers. Yue grinned kindly.

"I'm glad…" Yue whispered. "I'm really glad it was you. That the one person who could see me… was you."

Sokka had said those words first. He had told her he was glad Yue had connected to Azula, of all people… Azula's heart pounded heavily in her chest as she felt more tears spilling down her eyes: they loved her. They thought she mattered. They cared about her… in ways no one else ever had.

"I'm glad too," she finally said. "I'm glad I… I'm glad I can see you. I'm glad you're with me. I'm glad you're okay and not… n-not like in my damnable dreams where you're always in pain. I… I won't subject you to my nonsense with Sokka, I promise, but… please, stay with us. Stay. No matter how my bond with him might change, you… you're someone I treasure. I don't even know how it happened, or when, but I just… I really care about you, Yue. I…"

She couldn't believe herself. She laughed, pressing her brow to the glass as she knew the sentiment to be true. To be true to one more person, too, besides the one she would speak it to now. And while the feeling certainly could have different natures, and she was experiencing those differences already, the truth was one and one alone:

"I love you, too."

Yue giggled, beaming brightly upon hearing those words from Azula. The Princess smiled back at her, her tears finally drying as the darkness that wore her out, that dragged her down, seemed to slowly relinquish its grip upon her heart.

Just as the sun was rising, Azula's vision cleared. She saw Yue over her reflection's shoulder, and the heavy guilt, the unpleasant thoughts and emotions that had dragged her down faded away with astounding ease…

"Thank you," Azula said. Yue giggled again.

"I'm the one who's grateful," she said. "Now, though… might be good if you go back to Sokka. He might be scared that you're leaving him if he wakes up without you."

"He… oh, well," Azula smiled warmly. "He'll see that's not the case soon, I guess. I… I'll go fetch the mirror first, though. He threw it somewhere, I hope it didn't break…"

"Oh, I can tell you where it is once you come closer to it, like we did with the coins!" Yue exclaimed, beaming. Azula laughed and nodded.

"Very well."

It was a rather amusing quest, one Azula undertook with a cup of drinking water in her hands. Whenever Yue felt herself slipping into another reflection, she'd let Azula know and the Princess would rummage through the foliage and bushes to look for the mirror… until, at last, they found it sunken halfway into a small cluster of fortunately soft sand. It was intact. Azula grinned at Yue in it, drinking the water to quench her thirst, but not to chase her friend away, unlike how she used to do it before…

She was halfway back into the house, making up her mind to talk to Sokka about what happened with Yue, when she overheard a cluttering sound in the kitchen. The Princess frowned, a sense of dread rising in her chest: well, it was one thing to sort out her problems with Yue and Sokka, a whole other to deal with her mother, the likeliest culprit for those sounds…

At least, she thought so until she reached the kitchen to find Ursa, wearing an apron, her hair fastened awkwardly underneath a bandana, struggling to cook something in the stove.

Azula watched in perplexity, intrigued by her mother's clumsy kitchen work. Apparently, she wasn't a good cook… but how, exactly, had she survived in Hira'a with her new husband without knowing how to do that? Azula watched with confusion after Ursa cracked an egg and dropped half the crust in the frying pan.

"Not again…" she groaned, struggling to remove the crust with her fingertips.

"Guess we have one thing in common after all," Azula said, startling Ursa upon speaking to her. The woman turned nervously, finding Azula with a small smile, almost too small to be noticed, leaning on the door frame.

"Azula?" Ursa whispered her name with uncertainty. "You're… already awake."

"Need to dress up, though. Didn't expect you this early," Azula said, lowering her gaze: strange how her conversation with Yue had placated so much of her strife… to the point where her earlier unwillingness to be anywhere near her mother, and her immense guilt over her longing for Sokka, were suddenly, blissfully, gone… "I'd offer to stick around and help but I wouldn't be much use. All I can do effectively in a kitchen is… pour togarashi chili powder in tea, apparently. The one time I did anything related to cooking and the result was exactly what I intended it to be."

"I… do not follow," Ursa admitted, puzzled. Azula smiled and shook her head.

"I'll be back in a moment," she said. Ursa swallowed hard and nodded.

Sokka was still in bed once Azula returned to her room. She sat by the bedside for a moment, caressing his loose hair, before leaning close to kiss his brow softly.

"Hmm…?" he groaned. Azula smiled.

"Stay in bed. It's okay," she said.

"You okay…? Feels… damn early," Sokka said.

"I'll try and do something about breakfast," she said, brushing his hair out of his face. "You can sleep for a while longer."

"Hmm. 'Kay…" Sokka said, opening one eye and gazing at her with curiosity. "You… alright?"

"I'll explain later," Azula smiled.

She leaned in, and she pressed her lips softly to his. Sokka would truly be confused over her clarity, her tranquility… but he would likely understand where it had come from shortly. First, though, she had to handle her mother… and while she would cherish having Sokka's support during that conversation, it might be better if she faced Ursa alone. She had put Sokka through enough of an emotional ride since the past day, as it was.

"Sleep. I'll come fetch you in a bit."

"Okay…" Sokka said, with a gentle smile. "See you in a bit."

Azula breathed out slowly, watching over him as he closed his eyes again. She truly should tell him soon, too… just as she had told Yue. It was strange, going from never uttering those words to anyone… to suddenly hearing them from two people who had elicited the same feelings inside her, too. Love truly was a confusing, if fascinating thing…

She returned to the kitchen to find her mother anguished by her burning rice this time. Azula sighed, tending the flames and restraining them so Ursa wouldn't struggle as much… but it appeared to be pointless.

"I'm so helpless at chores like these… it's unbefitting of me, I know that, but I truly thought…" Ursa sighed.

"Did you not cook when you were living in Hira'a?" Azula asked "Or did you swap out memories somehow? While you're Noriko, you don't remember Ursa, and while you're Ursa…"

"No, no, I remember everything from both lives right now. Which means I remember I was in charge of cleaning while Noren handled the food," Ursa said, with a guilty smile. Azula laughed softly. "I hope Sokka is a better cook than us, if you truly aren't much of one, yourself."

"He's… not," Azula admitted, with a guilty chuckle. Ursa sighed, shaking her head.

"Well, may you always have ready foods to eat whenever you're hungry, if cooking is too hard," Ursa said. "I… well, wanted to make some things that aren't working out, of course. I'll keep trying, though! I brought many ingredients…"

"You really didn't have to bother," Azula said, taking her seat by the kitchen's table: Ursa truly had brought a pile of ingredients with her, most of them resting on the table in question.

"You may say that, but… I disagree," Ursa said, proudly. "I wanted to make… well, spice rice."

"Spice rice?" Azula raised her eyebrows, turning towards Ursa in confusion. "For breakfast?"

"I know, I know… a complicated conundrum," Ursa smiled guiltily. "I remember you asked for it, once. When we were staying in this house, during vacations. I told you spice rice was a meal for lunch or dinner, not breakfast…"

"And then we didn't have it for lunch, or dinner anyway," Azula remarked, with a slight pout. "Was it because you couldn't cook it?"

"More… because I had other ideas for meals in mind," Ursa confessed. Azula raised an eyebrow. "Servants helped with our meals back then, as you'll recall… I didn't really have to make anything. But I was terribly stubborn about certain things… still am, I suppose. And instead of listening to you… I did whatever I cared to and thought you were the selfish one instead."

Azula's eyes widened. Ursa sighed, smiling sadly at her.

"I won't ask you to forgive me, Azula. The spirits know I'm truly sorry, and that you're not wrong about so much of what you said last night," she said. "I knew I wasn't the best mother I could have been… but the true extent of the harm I caused you had never truly sunken in. If you felt any guilt over what you said, or how you said it… I assure you, you had every right to be as clear, as forthright, as you were. It was time I stopped pretending that I could hide from my worst mistakes the way I have for over a decade now."

"Well… that's not really what I expected to hear, but I'd rather hear that than 'you're just unreasonable and unfair', or so," Azula said, watching as Ursa sighed, stepping closer to her, standing beside her by the table.

"I don't want you to think I have excuses. Nothing I say would ever justify what I did to you, or what I didn't do, as the case might be," Ursa said. "But… the truth is, my failure to resolve our conflicts has been taking a greater toll on me than I was ready to acknowledge."

"That so?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow. Ursa offered her a sad smile before pulling up a chair, too.

"You wondered… why I'm alone in Ember Island?"

Azula frowned: she wasn't sure that any answer to that question would satisfy her, or aid her mother's case…

"Thing is… I thought I could sort out this emptiness inside me," Ursa smiled, shaking her head as she gestured at her chest. "I thought I could do it by… by confronting your father. By visiting him in prison and telling him exactly what kind of heinous monster he was. By calling out what a selfish, heartless bastard he had been, and how he had hurt our children without remorse… I was right about everything I said, of course. And at first, I felt better. A slight relief, maybe, enough that I could hold Kiyi again without the same kind of dread as before…

"But a week later, it was back. Even if Kiyi didn't hate me as much for no longer being the mother she remembered, the unsettling feeling inside my gut couldn't seem to go away. And my mind kept returning to that moment, to standing at his prison cell, speaking out as I did… his accusing glare gave away that he didn't care about any of what I was saying. As though he thought it was… well, rich, I suppose, that I would say any of that. And once I realized why that bothered me… it hit me that every word I'd spoken against your father could so very easily be turned against me."

Azula froze, a fist tightening over her lap. Ursa gazed at her remorsefully.

"He was selfish… but so was I," Ursa said. "He was a monster? Well… a mother who forsakes her children ought to proudly own up to being one, too. I left you with the monster, too, so… I'm not blameless. I'm not simply his victim… I'm responsible for the pain you and Zuko felt under his control. And what's more, when it comes down to it… I'm to blame for so much more than that. I didn't do right by you, Azula, not even as you were a child. I… I painted a target on Zuko's back that caused Ozai to treat him as though he weren't his son! I… I could've done so many things differently, and I didn't. So, with so much that weighed on me, what right do I have to judge anyone else? Even if nothing I did compares to waging war upon the world… ultimately, I was far from the best person to pass judgment on Ozai when I was his accomplice at times, a willing witness, even…"

"Were you truly that?" Azula asked, perplexed. Ursa shrugged.

"I don't think anyone would judge it any differently than that, considering it was by my poison that your grandfather was killed," Ursa said. Azula's eyes widened.

"Huh. Well, then… that's somewhat close to what I suspected, I suppose," Azula said, frowning.

"Do I really get the right to pass judgment on anyone else when I'm responsible for something so heinous? I kept giving your father weapons to use as he pleased… even when you and Zuko weren't weapons at all, that's all he ever saw you as," Ursa said, shaking her head. "And while I doubt I could have stopped him, even if I'd tried… the truth is that I never really did. I pretended you would be safe because he preferred you over your brother… that you were no cause for concern when that couldn't have been further from the truth. I abandoned you, and… I can't even make up for it. I can't turn back time to fix that. My guilt, my remorse, my misery… Noren and Kiyi don't understand it. Zuko? Oh, he's… he's even worse, I'm afraid."

"Zuko is?" Azula asked, perplexed. Ursa shook her head.

"He has bottled up his feelings about what I did. He acts like he's fine with it. If he truly is, he's in dire need for a rude awakening," Ursa whispered. "And if he's not fine? Then he ought to do what you did and just… tell me everything. Just like Ozai does."

"Ozai?" Azula repeated, her chest tightening at the present way her mother spoke his name… she had never felt quite such sense of dread upon thinking of her father before. "What do you mean, 'does'? Do you…?"

"Do I visit him, still?" Ursa said, with a helpless smile. "Weekly. Sometimes more often than that."

"W-why? Why would you…?" Azula grimaced.

"Because he's the only person who won't mind my feelings and will tell me everything he thinks of me," Ursa laughed, smiling helplessly. "Despicable as he is… he's so much more honest than everyone else. And I need to hear the truth… I need it so badly, Azula. I'd rather be called every insult, every name he can think of, because I can just go ahead and do it right back at him. It's twisted, it's messed up… but I feel so much more alive, so much more real when I'm there, facing my true sins and flaws instead of pretending I never did anything wrong and that Zuko is right to act as though that's the case. When I sit at home, with Noren and Kiyi… they don't understand that I don't belong there. That I'm not Noriko anymore… not the person they need me to be. And the truth is… I don't even know who I am. Not anymore."

"And you came to Ember Island thinking you'd figure it out?" Azula asked. Ursa sighed.

"I come to Ember Island whenever I'm… overwhelmed, I guess, with the pretenses and the undeserved peace," she said. "They're used to it by now. I've been doing it for years. I take breaks… I try to meditate here, and then inevitably return to bad habits upon returning to the Capital. I know I should stop visiting Ozai, but… it's hard to help it. It's twisted to find that I appreciate him far more now than I ever did when he wasn't behind bars…"

"Well. Nice to know my parents are getting along great lately by screaming and calling names at each other," Azula said, crooking an eyebrow. Ursa sighed, with a hopeless smile.

"I wish I knew… how to do away with this strange urge to be around something that punishes me. I want to make use of this guilt, Azula… to turn it into something useful instead of moping with it or making anyone uncomfortable. You, in particular, I… I want to help you. I want to fix what I broke. I can't really do it, I know I can't… but I wish I could. If I can't do anything about the past, maybe I can about the future, I thought, but… that hinges on whether you'd ever want me to be part of it, too."

"Of my future?" Azula asked. "You do remember that I'm a wanted criminal, right?"

"I intend to have a word with your brother about that as soon as possible," Ursa said, with a frown. "He told me he was hunting you down to bring you home, strictly that. This you said about… his bounty hunters killing you? I cannot possibly fathom… I will have words with him about that, I promise."

"Well… if he'd listen to someone, it'd be you, I think, but who knows," Azula sighed, running a hand over her hair. "He thought I'd captured Sokka, so he thought I deserved to die for it, apparently. Dead or alive, says the poster…"

"Unbelievable," Ursa scowled.

"I had no intentions of letting him get to me. Though I don't know what else awaits me in the future besides… well, traveling more. Yue would want to…"

"Yue?"

Azula gritted her teeth: this would be difficult. She wasn't exactly trying to argue that her mental health was fine, but her mother was bound to want to lock her up in that asylum again if she thought she was hallucinating once more…

But she had to be honest. Ursa had been, so far. She might just surprise her.

"I told you I… I'd seen you in visions and dreams and reflections, right?" Azula said. Ursa nodded. "I was… well, in a bad place. After I found out the truth about you? Well, that ended. I didn't see you anywhere anymore. It helped, admittedly… I was no longer plagued by some random delusion telling me my future was going to be glorious… felt like even the hallucination had given up on me, heh. But then, about a year ago… I started seeing another person. Someone I didn't know. And it's… well, the Moon Spirit. Princess Yue."

Ursa frowned, though not with disgust. She seemed intrigued, instead.

"Sokka… well, he had a short-lived relationship with her, when they were teenagers. She died to take the Moon Spirit's place after Zhao killed it," Azula explained. Ursa gasped, covering her mouth with a hand. "So, well, she's a sixteen-year-old girl, basically, and she's been showing up in every reflection I see. In dreams, too, even if not all of them. At first, I just… wanted to get rid of her. But then, after I bumped into Sokka in the north? The two of them convinced me that if we tried to fulfill all of Yue's final wishes, mainly to see the world through our travels, well… we might just be able to offer her the peace she needs so she can return to her duties as the Moon Spirit properly, and the moon can glow fully again in the sky."

"Is that why… it's been so faded?" Ursa asked. Azula nodded. "My goodness…"

"I've… stopped causing as much trouble with my antics lately because I've been busy with this. Though, uh, I did cause a slight mishap in Ba Sing Se," Azula admitted, with an awkward smile. "That's what I was talking about earlier. I, uh, sabotaged one of Iroh's workdays by briefly infiltrating his teashop and pouring spice in all his teacups…"

"Azula…!" Ursa gasped. Azula smiled guiltily and shrugged.

"I don't have any excuses. It was a petty revenge, and I thought it was funny at the time…"

"It… oh, goodness, all those customers…" Ursa gasped, running a hand over her hair. Azula snickered. "You're so mischievous still, goodness, but… that's not exactly an act of terrorism. Just… a prank."

"Well, thank you. If Zuko returns to the Palace by the time you get there, please advocate in my defense by saying so," Azula smiled. "I got captured for it, Sokka and his friend Toph broke me out eventually. He and I ran away, and I suppose Zuko showed up at some point after we left and sent his soldiers after us. We figured, once Yue asked to see the summer, that we could come to the Fire Nation to show her the place while Zuko wasn't around… I didn't exactly intend to bump into you."

"Nor I into you… but I'm glad I did," Ursa said, warmly. Azula sighed.

"This is our most civilized conversation for as long as we've known each other, isn't it?" she said. Ursa smiled sadly and nodded.

"I'm afraid so," she said. "I'm glad you've found Sokka, and Yue… that they're both helping you. Maybe I wouldn't have been as effective as they have been… doesn't change that I should have tried anyway. But that you have such good friends is… uh, well. I suppose Sokka is more than a friend…"

"I don't know what's going on any more than you do, so… don't overthink it," Azula said, cheeks flushing. Ursa laughed.

"Well, as long as you're happy…" she said. "If you want any advice…"

"Relationship advice? From you?" Azula asked. Ursa shrugged.

"Learn to cook," she said. Azula snorted and laughed. "Also? If some prince tries to steal you away from him, well… don't let him."

"I have the feeling Sokka would be too threatening for anyone to… well, I'm too threatening for anyone who would want to take me anywhere," Azula said, rolling her eyes. "In itself… I have no idea how he's ever convinced himself that I'm worth, well, everything he's done for me. He had a life of his own, and he gave up on it fully just to join me on this journey."

"Maybe, just as he's helping you figure out who you are, you're helping him do the same thing without your awareness," Ursa smiled fondly at her. Azula raised her eyebrows. "That would be suitable, I hope. He's definitely taken with you."

"And like I said, I have no idea how," Azula shook her head. "I haven't been exactly the sweetest person in the world…"

"He might like you better because you're not," Ursa suggested. Azula laughed, shrugging at her idea.

"He's weird if that's how it is, but fine," she said, cheeks still red over discussing her romantic attachments in this way, and to discuss it with her mother, of all things… "You… you feel lost too, though? That's why you came here?"

"Well, yes, but… focus on yourself, Azula. If I never sort out whatever's messed up in my head, it'll be nothing less than I deserve," Ursa said, with a defeated smile.

"You're not serious," Azula sighed. "You… you could come with us too."

Ursa's eyes widened. Azula grimaced, rubbing the bridge of her nose after words she hadn't intended to say spilled out of her mouth.

"I mean… you and I probably have more things to talk about and resolve. And I would expect you to handle it with full honesty too, just as I'll be as blunt as you need me to be. If you're getting nowhere with Father, and of course you aren't… well, you could join us, maybe. Sokka might be fine with… w-well, I mean, we'll behave ourselves. I'm sure that he can show some restraint…"

"Hopefully," Ursa laughed. "Though, truly, I welcome the offer, but I wouldn't want to tag along just like that, Azula. I'm not sure where I'd fit in your group, and I really wouldn't want to cause you any trouble…"

"You wouldn't, I think, but… maybe it's time we stop screaming at each other and start actually looking for solutions," Azula decided: she didn't know where this good-natured, reasonable behavior was coming from… but she guessed it might just be Yue's influence, shining through her in its own way.

"You… you're sure?" Ursa asked, with a small smile. "I… well, wait. I might need to make a more compelling argument yet to truly earn joining you on this journey."

"What?" Azula smirked, as Ursa excitedly rummaged through her bags, the numerous shopping goods she had brought… before depositing a box in front of Azula.

"I would try to make them myself, but… I don't know how, as you've noticed. And I really didn't want to mess that up, particularly," Ursa smiled. Azula frowned, reaching for the box and opening it.

"You did not…" she gasped.

A cluster of mochi sat snugly inside the box, catching the fallen Princess by surprise entirely. Ursa laughed.

"You were going to buy me over with mochi. You… you are dangerous. Clever. I definitely take after you, this is the most effective manipulation technique anyone's used on me," Azula said: her stomach growled, and she only realized how hungry she was now that she had a chance to eat mochi to her heart's content.

"Try to… pace yourself. But it's okay if you don't, too," Ursa smiled sadly. "I owe you quite a lot of mochi, for all the times I forbade you from eating any. Those stomachaches of your childhood were something to behold…"

"They may have been, but this is… oh, I'm not holding back. I'm not strong enough. Sorry," Azula shook her head, picking up the first mochi and nearly dropping fully on the table in sheer bliss at the taste. "Coerced… by mochi. I'm so easily bought and paid for…"

Ursa laughed fondly, smiling at her daughter in a way she most likely hadn't before: what had changed in Azula through the night had opened the gates, the possibilities, of a true and proper reconciliation between them… and Ursa wouldn't waste that chance. She meant to make the most of Azula's offer, even if she'd have to send word to Noren and Kiyi about where she'd go…

She had been moments away from saying as much to Azula, proposing to go into town for a messenger hawk, when the front door blasted open violently.

The placid mood between mother and daughter, as they amended their estranged bond slowly, froze entirely when that abrupt noise caught them off guard. Azula jumped upright again, wanting more mochi but deciding to wait and assess this threat, instead…

She froze in place when a squad of Imperial Firebenders filed into the kitchen's area, hands raised threateningly.

"What…?" Azula gasped. Ursa snarled, stepping forward.

"What's the meaning of this?!" she asked: then it wasn't Ursa's doing that they were here? It couldn't be. She wouldn't have been so dishonest and shrewd, Azula would have picked up on it if there had been any subterfuge in her demeanor so far…

But no soldier responded to Ursa's demand for an explanation. Instead, someone else stepped out from among them. His hairpiece glowed under the rising sunlight, his cloak fluttering haughtily in his wake…

Azula's stomach sank. There was no way he was here now… no way he had tracked her down all the way here.

And yet Zuko stood before her and Ursa, a heavy scowl upon his face as he locked glares with his sister.

"Finally," he hissed, his tone foreboding and hostile. "Was about time you turned up, Azula."

#sokkla saturdays 2023 #sokklasaturdays #sokkla #sokka #azula #with a hint of teasing toko this time around #I have not done enough with that ship in my life so what can I say #mostly for comedy's sake #messing with Zuko should not be as fun as it is #also this is where the ssssmut is at #so if you wanted this story to go there here you go (?) #lots of plot twists in this one I think #and a likely surprising new addition to the story's cast #mostly surprising since I doubt most people expected me to ever bring her in voluntarily #but #we have learned to say fuck it to the comics in respect of her bland characterization #and give her proper dignity and respect #so I hope you guys shall enjoy her! #and I hope you guys will enjoy the whole chapter tbh #might be my favorite of the whole story...

[slynbarnes]

Embers: Season 3 Episodes 11-20

S3 E11: 

(You are still sitting on the floor of the training room when the lights go out. You can’t help but to think something is wrong and Hydra has something to do with it. You stand and start out to the hall to find Lucas.) 

Y/N: Lucas?! (You shout into the hall.) 

L: Over here! (He waves as he peeks his head out the door with Bucky right behind him.) 

Y/N: Oh thank God! Are you guys okay? 

B: Yeah, we are all good, doll. Is everything okay?

Y/N: The lights went out, what if it’s Hy-

B: It’s not them, it’s been downpouring for the last hour. It’s just an outage. 

Y/N: (You sigh in relief.) I didn’t even realise. 

B: It’s okay. Let’s go see if Tony can get the generators working. 

(All 3 of you walk down to the lounge where you find everyone sitting around mingling.) 

Sam: Power is out. 

B: Thank you Captain Obvious. I would never have guessed that given the dark halls, lounge or stairwell and nothing electrical working. 

Y/N: (You snort as you try to hold in your laughter which also fails.)

S: A smile? Does that mean I can hug you now without you trying to hurt me?

Y/N: (You hold out your arms) I guess you will have to find out. 

(Steve cautiously hugs you) 

Y/N: I’m really sorry.

S: I forgive you.

W: Okay come sit back down, have a drink. 

T: (Walking in) Okay, the generator is in the basement. I will go get that started up but in the meantime here are some more candles that I found in Pepper’s closet and please don’t have too much fun without (He stops as soon as he see’s you sitting with the others.) 

Y/N: Hi.

T: Hi. (There is a long pause) I’ll be back. (He then walks towards the stairwell.) 

S3 E12: 

B: Doll, you want a drink? 

Y/N: That would be great thank you!

L: I want one too! 

B: Okay give me just a minute.

N: We should play some music.

Y/N: I can play some. 

L: No you don’t. (He says stealing your phone.) You’re taste in music is horrible, it’s old. I can play something. 

Y/N: (You dramatically gasp) I’m so offended. My music is great! 

N: Ehhhhhh

Y/N: What?

BB: It’s not the best.

Y/N: I like a lot of the same music you all do. 

Thor: Your favorite music is old.

Y/N: You're one to talk Mr. God man. You’re what 1500?

Thor: I may be 1500 years old but even I like modern music. 

B: I like your music doll.

Y/N: Thank you!

N: You don’t count. 

Y/N: Why doesn’t he count Nat? 

N: Do you really want me to answer that?

B: (Walking back over with drinks for the 3 of you. He hands Lucas a cocktail glass with a cherry in it.) 

Y/N: What is that? 

B: It’s a mocktail don’t worry I just thought it would make him feel special. It’s just cherry sprite. (He whispers in your ear.) 

Y/N: (Looking at him with a smile.) Clever. (You whisper.) 

S3 E13:

(Everyone is talking in their own small groups since things are still clearly a bit tense after the last few months.) 

Y/N: How has school been going buddy? 

L: It’s good. They are still holding classes in the cafeteria and the gym while they finish rebuilding the roof upstairs so it’s kind of hard to concentrate with so many of us in one room.

Y/N: Wait, they are still rebuilding everything? That happened almost 7 months ago now…

B: They sent out a letter saying it may take a while for classes to resume as normal due to a funds issue. They are doing their best to fix it with the resources they have. 

Y/N: Are they anywhere close to having it finished? 

B: Last I heard they are going to try and have it be finished by the end of summer break which is coming up here soon so hopefully at the start of the new year Lucas and his friends will be back in their classrooms. 

Y/N: Friends? 

L: Yeah, I made a few friends. There is Caleb who is in Mrs. Vals class and he loves the Avengers and I told him I lived with them and he said no way and I said Yes way! I showed him a picture of all of us and me with Uncle Tony and Uncle Steve and he freaked out! I also have this friend Violet. She is always really nice to me and she plays with me when we go outside. 

B: (Whispering to you) I think he has a crush on her. 

Y/N: (You smile) That's amazing bubs. I'm so happy that you made some friends here. You should have them over som-

(The lights come back on) 

Clint: Thank God I felt like I was on some weird group date with my colleagues with all these candles.

T: (Walking back in.) Let there be light. (He starts counting people) Good so we have everyone and we are the only building in the city with power. 

N: It’s days like these that I really enjoy living here. 

Y/N: Hold that thought, I'll be right back. (You stand up and walk over to Tony) Hey, can we talk?

T: Later. Enjoy tonight, it’s nice to see you finally smiling and with everyone. Tomorrow is going to be stressful for you anyhow since Ross will be here to determine your status. 

Y/N: My status? 

T: It’s an important meeting so be in the conference room by 9 am sharp. 

Y/N: Thank you. I will be there. 

S3 E14:

(You are looking in the mirror while you slip into a t- shirt, it’s nothing special, just something easy and quick for you to meet with Agent Ross and Tony. You’re worried they will try and remove you from the Avengers initiative or worse after everything that happened. You are surprised they haven't locked you up yet for killing Leo.) 

B: (Sneaks up on you, somehow you didn’t see his reflection behind you until he was already beginning to whisper in your ear.) You look beautiful. (He says quickly turning around to leave.

Y/N: Wait… You’re just gonna come in here and tell me I look beautiful and then leave… 

B: Yep. Good luck in your meeting. (He then disappears down the hall.) 

Y/N: Bucky…(You look around the room wondering what just happened.) What the hell?

(You try to put that in the back of your mind as you try to focus while walking down to your meeting.) 

Ross: Good Morning, Ms. Y/L/N. 

Y/N: Good Morning, General Ross, Tony. 

T: Good Morning. 

Ross: I am going to make this as painless as possible and read you what the official courts decision was for your charges as well as what your status here will be. The charges being pressed by Mrs. Harrington, Leo Harrington's mother, was ruled in favor of you. No charges will be pressed.

Y/N: Wait what? How?

Ross: That would be thanks to the testaments of your witnesses who came to your defense explaining the role Hydra had played in the tragic event. You will not be charged with 1st degree murder like Mrs. Harrington had attempted so you are free in that regard but in the case of your status as an Avenger you are on a temporary leave until the following are completed: Ms. Y/L/N is required by S.H.I.E.L.D. to attend mandated therapy with Dr. Christina Reynor once a week until Dr. Reynor has given a statement clearing you to return. Ms. Y/L/N must also clear a physical with her physician Dr. Bruce Banner that states she is in the physical conditions to return to active missions with The Avengers. These mandates are being put in place for Ms. Y/L/N’s safety and the safety of her team. She may only return once both of these conditions are met and signed off on by Dr. Bruce Banner, Dr. Christina Reynor, General Thaddeus E. Ross being myself and Director Nicholas J. Fury. 

Y/N: (You sit there staring in shock.) 

T: You okay kid?

Y/N: Yeah… I just… thank you. (You look at them sincerely.) Who testified? 

T: Everyone who was on the mission that day and Bucky wrote a letter so he could stay to take care of you and Lucas.

Y/N: (You look up at General Ross) So I am free?

Ross: You are. 

Y/N: Tony? Can we talk now?

T: Of course we can. 

S3 E15: 

(Walking down the hall) 

T: What did you need to talk about? 

Y/N: I’m sorry, Tony. For yelling at you and for pushing you away. I was hurting and I took it out on everyone who was just trying to help me. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at. 

T: You had some good points though and thank you for apologizing, kid. 

Y/N: I may have had some good points but so did you. I was just mad and I was trying to punish myself… I still am in someways but I’m trying to be better for my son and for you guys… my family. 

T: We all just want whats best for you. And next time you yell at me like that I will yell back. 

Y/N: Please do. (You laugh) I was out of line for yelling at you. 

T: I forgive you kid. 

Y/N: (You hug him) Thank you. But since I am here, I should probably make my next apology. 

T: I’ll see you later. 

Y/N: Bye Tony. 

(You stare at the door in front of you for a moment before knocking.) 

W: Hey… (She gives a weak smile.) 

Y/N: Can I come in?

W: Sure. 

Y/N: I know you are mad at me. 

W: Yeah well, can you blame me? 

Y/N: No, that’s why I am here. I owe you an apology. I never should have said those things to you. You were not being a bitch, you were trying to help. I was the one being a bitch about things. I was just so angry about everything… angry at myself. I blame myself for what happened. I wasn’t under Hydra’s mind control and I still killed him. 

W: I get it but next time instead of pushing everyone away and yelling at us or assaulting us, let us be there for you. Lean on your family for support. We all wanted to be there for you and we all wanted to understand but we couldn’t when you were shutting us out. 

Y/N: I know, I am so sorry. 

W: I forgive you but if you ever take your crap out on me again like that I will put you in your place.

Y/N: And I will deserve it but I promise it won’t happen again. (You pause) You know…I regret ever bringing him into my life. (You admit) He would have been better off never knowing me. His whole family would be. Especially Mia, I made the poor girl an orphan. If we never would have met he would still be here. Mia would still have a father, I wouldn’t have hurt any of you and I would have just faced everything instead of hiding from it. I… well… I wouldn’t have made a choice out of fear from my past. I was scared… (The realization is finally hitting you.) I was so scared that if I didn’t move on from everything in my past, Hydra would always have their claws in me but… I was just hiding and making excuses because I was scared to be happy. So I settled the moment I chose him. I ran from passion, adventure, love, comfort, security, happiness and a life full of moments I couldn’t forget even if Hydra brainwashed everything away again. (A tear falls down your cheek.) I lied to myself, trying to convince myself I could be happy with Leo when…

W: When what you really wanted was right in front of you this whole time? 

Y/N: He was going to ask me to marry him and I was ready to end things with him… Even though I loved him… and deeply loved him…. it was in a way a friend loves their friend and I tried to convince myself otherwise.

W: I can see how you felt guilty… 

Y/N: (You look up at her) Have I seriously been this blind the whole time? 

W: It’s about damn time, y/n. (She pauses giving you a smile) Go get him.

S3 E16: 

(You run down the hall to the stair well knowing it will be faster on foot than taking the elevator. You run all the way down to his room and stop at his door with a nervous smile playing on your face. When you finally knock it only takes a second for him to answer. Especially since he knows how you knock.) 

B: Hey, doll. What’s with the cute smile? 

Y/N: (You blush a little) Well, (You pause when you see Lucas on the floor playing with Legos.) 

B: He wanted me to help him build something Tony had bought him that has a million little pieces to it. 

Y/N: Hey, bubs. Go see Aunt Wanda, she is going to hang out with you for a bit. Dad and I have something we need to go do. 

B: (Whispering to you) We do?

L: Okay. When will you be home?

Y/N: Tonight sometime. 

L: Okay, I love you. 

B&Y/N: Love you too Kiddo. 

B: So where are we going? 

Y/N: We need to talk. Well, I need to talk… (You realize how ominous that sounded.) It’s not bad I promise. Drive me somewhere? 

B: Where? 

Y/N: Anywhere. 

B: Okay.

S3 E17:

B: Can you please tell me what we are doing? 

Y/N: Just be patient. I will tell you when we get where we are going. (You really are just stalling to figure out exactly what you plan to tell him.) 

B: You’re killin me smalls. 

Y/N: (You laugh) 

(You and Bucky arrive at the beach and start walking down along the shore.) 

B: Time’s up, doll. Are you going to tell me what’s going on yet?

Y/N: (You take a deep breath.) Yeah… So I’ve been trying to figure out where to start and I think the beginning is the best place. I was so hell bent on escaping my past that I wanted to leave everything dealing with Hydra behind… and in a way that included you. 

B: I thought you say this wasn’t a bad conversation? 

Y/N: It’s not, I promise. I tried to deny the truth to myself and say that Leo made me happy. He did but like a friend makes you happy not in a way that… makes you feel alive. Everything with him was safe and when my memories came back that’s what I felt was best for me and Lucas. We had slept together and I felt guilty because I had cheated but more so because I knew what I wanted was well… attached to the thing I was trying to escape. You asked me to figure things out and I somehow in a moment of being thoroughly upset I chose to play it safe and convinced myself that safe was what I needed and wanted. Thing is, it’s not either of those things. What I want is someone who understands me and doesn’t have to ask me a million questions to know what I am thinking and someone who loves my kid and someone who makes me laugh… even when I don’t want to. I want someone who is ride or die for me and who likes my music and…. And someone that when they are in the room with me, nothing else exists. Someone who sticks by my side even when I don’t deserve it… Leo was never that for me. I think that’s why I felt so guilty especially knowing he loved me enough to even think about marrying me and I hadn’t even wanted to move in with him although he was trying to get me there. The whole time I loved him… I was IN love with someone else. I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I even took a moment to second guess what I already knew I had wanted. What I am trying to say is that I am sorry for putting you through hell while I did the same to myself. And Buck… I am IN love with you. In the most ridiculous sappy kind of way. I am IN love with you. 

B: (His little grin turns up into a full smile) When did you realize?

Y/N: Just about an hour ago. (You laugh) As soon as I did I knew I couldn’t waste a moment to tell you, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of Lucas just in case you didn’t-

B: I am in the most ridiculous sappy kind of way IN love with you too, Y/N. Just in case that wasn’t already clear. (He leans in, cupping your face in his hands and kisses you. It’s perfect. It’s tender and romantic but still needy and longing.) 

Y/N: I’m sorry it took me so long. (You whisper onto his lips.) 

B: Stop apologizing and kiss me. 

(His words make you smile into the kiss that follows. The rest of the evening is spent watching the sun set on the beach wrapped in his arms. The world is just right.) 

S3 E18: 

(The entire way home is filled with a million kisses and non stop smiling.) 

(At the tower) 

(You and Buck walk in together standing extra close but not touching just to keep things under wraps. You find Lucas hanging out with Steve and Wanda in the lounge.) 

B: Hey bud, it’s time for bed. 

L: 5 more minutes?

Y/N: Not tonight. You have school in the morning. 

L: Fine… (He groans and stands from his place on the couch to saunter out of the room with you and Buck.) 

B: Did you have fun while we were away? 

L: Yeah, Aunt Wanda was showing me her magic and Uncle Steve was telling me about what you were like back in the olden days.

Y/N: He called you old. (You snicker at Buck) 

L: So are you. 

B: (Bursting out into laughter.) He told you. 

Y/N: Hey! I am still younger than your dad!

L: True but you both are ancient compared to me. 

(In Lucas’ room) 

B: Okay bud, we are both old, but these two ancient beings love you so very much. 

Y/N: More than anything in the whole world. 

B: So you get some rest. 

Y/N: And we will see you in the morning. 

(You and Buck both place a kiss on his head.) 

L: Good night. I love you. 

B & Y/N: We love you too.

Y/N: To the moon and back to infinity. 

L: And beyond.

Y/N: And beyond.

(You shut off his lights and wander back to your room.) 

Y/N: Stay with me? 

B: (Gives you a wide grin) Like I was going to sleep alone with you right down the hall?

(You pull him by the collar into the dark room, his lips press tenderly into yours until you find the bed. Hands roam one another, not filled with lust but with longing. Longing for him to be near, longing for him to stay, to entangle with him. You spend the night tangled in each other cuddling and staring deeply into eachothers eyes. Bucky plays with your hair while your faces are smooshed together and you run your fingers along his bare back until you both fall into a deep peaceful sleep.) 

S3 E19: 

(Your eyes flutter open to the light peering in through the window. A smile graces your face as you realize that Bucky is soundly asleep next to you. You reach over and grab your phone checking the time. Looking back over at the golden light adorning his beautiful face you can’t help but snap a photo of him sleeping peacefully in your bed beside you. His eyes flicker open with a smile crossing his lips and you begin pressing kisses along his shoulder.) 

B: Morning. 

Y/N: Morning. 

B: You’re still here. 

Y/N: Why wouldn’t I be? 

B: (Letting the memory pass so he doesn’t ruin the moment, he savors the sight of you being his and next to him for the first time in almost 10 and a half years.) No reason I am just glad you are. 

Y/N: Okay you dork. (You say getting up to go to the bathroom.) 

B: Noooo come back. (He says grabbing onto your hand.) 

Y/N: I have to pee. 

B: Fine but you better hurry back. 

(You run off giggling.) 

S3 E20: 

B: Okay before we go have breakfast we should probably figure out what we are telling our son.

Y/N: I can’t lie to him or hide things from him. Last time didn’t go over so well. 

B: Plus he has been adamant about us getting together…

Y/N: But we also shouldn’t make it a big deal either… even though it is a big deal to me it-

B: To us. 

Y/N: Even though it’s a big deal to US it needs to come off as something we are trying. Not that things won’t work out because I am sure they will but I just want to be careful with what we tell him. 

B: We tell him that we have been closer recently. 

Y/N: And that the love has found it’s way back to us. 

B: To you. 

Y/N: Shut up. 

B: Hey, I never stopped. 

Y/N: Neither did I. (You say defensively.) 

B: But it did take you forever to see it. 

Y/N: Okay well how about we say it found it’s way back. Not to me or to us… just back. 

B: Deal. Now we are taking things slow and we are trying things out… together. 

Y/N: Perfect. 

B: (Kisses you and whispers onto your lips) I’m never letting you go again. 

Y/N: Is that a promise? (You whisper back) 

B: It’s an oath. An unbreakable one.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

too soon to tell, chapter t w o

You dropped your bag in the foyer of Harry’s house after work on a Thursday. It was quiet--he wasn’t home yet and you’d keyed in knowing that you’d have some time to yourself.

You felt a vibrating in your pocket when you shrugged off your coat, your visible reflection told you it was a FaceTime call, Alyssa’s name danced across the screen until you slid your thumb to answer.

“Hello, hello,” you greeted, walking to find a seat on the couch.

“Where are you?” She furrowed her brows as she took in your surroundings.

“At Harry’s--he’s out, though.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I will never get sick of you lounging in his house when he’s not there.”

You rolled your eyes at your old roommate’s antics--she’d always been the number one supporter of your relationship and when you texted her earlier saying you needed advice, she promised to call on her lunch break.

“I’m not lounging,” you informed with a shake of your head. “I just got out of work, we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Mr. Popstar isn’t too busy?” She teased, aware of the tension both of your schedules had been causing.

“Apparently not.”

She forked a bite of food into her mouth, the sun was shining through the window behind her, the walls of your old apartment were redecorated now with the art of your replacement. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Sort of,” you leaned back and let out a breath. “I mean, it’s all connected--”

“What is?”

“I’m getting to it,” you made a face at her through the phone. “So--don’t freak out, okay? Cause I don’t even know if anything will come from it and Harry doesn’t know yet.”

She nodded and gestured with her hand for you to get on with it.

Knowing Alyssa, she was already jumping to conclusions in her head. You were pregnant, you were engaged, you quit your job, you had a huge fight with your sister. No, no, no.

“I interviewed for a job in LA...and I haven’t told Harry because all our friends have been so excited about us being in the same spot again but--”

Her eyes went wide at the mention of a US city, she did her best to hold back her smile until it faded when you said: “I don’t know. Something feels off between us.”

“Off between you and Harry? More than just being busy?”

“I’m probably overthinking it but,” you looked around his living room. Pictures of his mum, his sister, his cousins--even his manager--were tucked in frames and placed on shelves. There wasn’t a trace of you in his house except for the toothbrush upstairs and the key on your keyring.

“It feels like we’re not moving forward. And we’ve both been busy, like I’ve told you, but since we don’t live together sometimes we go days without seeing each other and it’s fine, I get that he’s busy, obviously, but--”

“But you want to move in with him.”

“Well, I don’t know--I did, sort of, I think--but then I heard about this job in LA and it sounds amazing but Jessie just moved here and no one will shut up about how great London is.”

Alyssa offered a sympathetic frown and repositioned the bowl in front of her to get another bite. “What’s the job?”

You almost didn’t want to tell her, sure she’d get excited and eager to have you back in the same country. You winced a little, bracing for her reaction. “S’with E! News,” you shrugged. “It’d be on-air.”

“Shut up! Are you serious?!”

“Yes m’serious,” you rolled your eyes. “But I haven’t told any of them because you know how they are.”

She nodded, “Jessie will not want you to take it.”

“God love her, but of course not. And Harry spends time out there, so it might be okay, but it’s not like I could ask him to go with me.”

“Why not? He’s famous, Y/N--he belongs there.”

“It’s too soon,” you whined. “He’s not my fiancé and we don’t live together, so--I don’t want to make it weird.”

“But you love him,” she reasoned.

“Yeah, but s’been weird lately!" You tried to drive home the point. "He’s made no mention of moving in and we’ve been dating for a year and a half, I’ve been in London for over a year now. He’s not even mentioned it, Alyssa, I swear. He’ll say things like ‘one day we can go on vacation,’ and ‘what should we do for Christmas?’ But he’s made no concrete plans to actually have a future with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“Maybe he’s not ready,” you volleyed.

“Maybe,” Alyssa shrugged. “But you won’t know if you don’t ask him.”

“But if I ask him and he’s not on the same page I’ll look like an idiot and he’s busy with the album and now I’m thinking about moving to LA and--”

She watched you, waited for you to say more, but you were out of words. You changed gears.

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be long term.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned. “Not this again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your whole ‘we should have left it in New York’ shit.”

You lifted your eyebrows to demand further details.

“You were freaked out in the beginning that you’d move back there and it would be weird.”

“And?”

“Was it weird?”

“Not at first, I guess. But I mean, come on---don’t you think we should have taken some kind of step forward by now? Even just mentioning the idea of moving in together?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “Maybe it’s different with someone like him.”

You rolled your eyes--what if that’s what you were sick of?

People always said that: it’s different because of his job, it’s different because he’s on the road, it’s different because he’s famous.

Of course it was, and that was fine, for a while. But what if Harry’s job always got in the way of feeling normal? What if you couldn’t have a real wedding because of it? What if you could never send your children to summer camp because of it?

Were you willing to sacrifice your own future to live an unconventional life with someone just because you loved him?

“When will you hear back about the job?”

“Dunno--talked to them last week on Monday and they said this week at some point. S'been a while, so hopefully soon.”

You’d been keeping busy, trying to avoid your personal email at all costs and also making sure that Harry had limited visibility of your screen at all times.

“Do you want it?”

You thought on it for a second. Being offered a job at a company like E! would certainly be an ego boost, but the mere thought of having to explain to all of your friends that yes, you’d been back in London for 18 months and now you were packing up and moving even farther away than before wouldn’t be easy. That seemed to be the one certainty in the whole situation: no one would take it well.

“I don’t want to leave everyone here, especially Harry--but I also don’t want to be stupid and think that this relationship is going somewhere if it’s not.”

Alyssa nodded and let out a sigh. “I get that, I mean, of course you have to do what’s best for you. But I’d hate to see you not be with him just because things are hard right now.”

You leaned your head back on the couch and sighed. You didn’t want to break up with Harry. If anything, you wanted to move forward and move in with him and do what you’d always imagined: have a good job, have a few kids, try to be happy.

But what if you’d been naive enough to think you could have all of that with Harry and what if this is how you were finding out that you couldn’t?

Were you still stuck in your teenage fantasy of marrying the boy you'd long been crushing on?

She watched you for a second before she reassured: “you’ll figure it out.”

You smiled, glad you’d called Alyssa if only to have someone talk you off the edge a little bit. You missed waking up one room over and her love for basketball games and New York 99 cent pizza.

“Well it’s not like I have to make a decision right now,” you said. “I haven’t even heard back from them. For all I know they could never reach out again because I bombed my interview.”

She rolled her eyes at your self-deprecation and offered a few final words of encouragement before you hung up and promised to catch up soon.

Ever since you’d left, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to keep you up to date on the ins and outs of New York. New restaurant? She’d send you pictures and a 200 word review. Crazy subway rats making the news again? Articles and video proof would be sent your way in a matter of hours.

She’d gotten a new roommate to fill your bedroom and apparently things weren’t always peachy between them. Peyton was quiet and shy--according to Alyssa. She was up every morning at 6am and in the shower at 6:30. She did yoga in the living room and hated it when Alyssa left empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Alyssa was starting to lose her shit, swearing up and down that she needed to either pull the trigger and move in with Owen or find a new place altogether. It was my apartment first, she’d say. She should leave, not me.

It had been hard that year to leave the city you’d grown to love but harder to leave Alyssa and Carly and the things that made New York feel like home. It was also, in hindsight, hard to leave the place where you and Harry reconnected and built the foundation of your current relationship.

You heard commotion from the front door only a few minutes later when you rummaged through Harry’s kitchen for a snack.

“Hi,” he called from the other room, a close-lipped smile when you stuck your head around the corner to greet him.

“Hi! How was the photoshoot?”

“Good,” he nodded, watching as you stuck your hand into a box of crackers. “What time are we meeting everyone?”

Right--Thursday also meant dinner somewhere downtown with everyone in tow.

“7pm--but Jessie said we should try to get there early since it’s a new place and no one’s ever been.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of your words but seemed distracted, like his mind was somewhere else and his body was the only thing tying him to the room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking back up at you. “Just a busy day and a busy week.”

You nodded, unsure if he wanted to say more or if you were supposed to have more of a reply than a simple nod of your head.

You’d both been stammering out awkward sentences and trying to dance around the elephant in the room for a few weeks, but now, under his gaze, you felt more uncertain than before.

“Are you okay?” He turned the question around and watched you closely.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, moving to sit on the couch.

“You seem--off.”

You didn’t know what it was. Could he possibly sense the tension in your shoulders as you waited for an email either way? You got the job! We regret to inform you…

Or was he just aware that you felt awkward since it had been almost two weeks since you had any considerable amount of alone time and even longer since you were able to have a date night that wasn’t interrupted by Jeff or Erica or someone who needed something from him.

He took a few steps closer towards you, a look of concern etched on his features. “What’s wrong?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue when he looked at you, eyebrows lifted as he waited for you to spit it out.

“I guess I feel like we’ve been distant.”

He pushed his head forward, almost like he hadn’t expected that to be the issue. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, caught off guard by his pushiness. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You don’t know?” He pressed.

You broke eye contact with him for a minute, wondering why you had to state the obvious. “Well, you’re busy all the time, Harry.”

He let his shoulders rise and fall in defeat, looking around the room in frustration. “I told you that finishing the album would be busy.”

“Yeah, but you forgot to mention that you’d also be busy when the album is done once promo starts and then tour,” your voice was quiet, not so much angry as you were upset.

You were tired. You wanted nothing more than to spend a night on the couch with him and only him, tell him about LA and about the sudden itch you felt to see more of the world than just London.

But with Jake and Adam always around and Bryn and Jessie, too, paired with interruptions from Jeff and Erica--it felt as if there was no hope for a private or honest conversation.

He came to sit closer to you on the couch now, took your hands in his. “I know my job is a lot, okay? I know it’s annoying that I don’t necessarily get weekends off or have a typical schedule, but once the album is out and the promo is done I’ll have a bit of a break before the tour. We can go on vacation somewhere, just us.”

It sounded nice, maybe a tropical island or a cabin in the woods. But before you could nod in agreement the thought of Los Angeles popped into your head.

His album was due out in December, promo from now through the New Year, some time off in February and March for both of your birthdays and then tour. You had no clue where you’d be by then.

Would you be in LA? Would you be in London? Would you be stuck in this same spot on his couch with decision paralysis and a crushing sense of uncertainty about the future?

He knew you were over-thinking and tilted his head. “What?”

You blew out a slow breath of air, twisted a ring on your finger and then looked up at him again.

You didn’t even have a chance to be more honest, a buzz on your phone on the coffee table in front of you both broke the room in half, the name of the woman you’d spoken to was in bold next to your email icon. You reached for it quickly, Harry’s brows furrowed when you pulled it close to your chest so he wouldn’t see.

“What’s that?”

Hi Y/N, thank you so much for your patience over the last few days. We would love to offer you a position with NBC Universal - E! News as an on-air correspondent in our Los Angeles headquarters.

You looked up at him quickly, cheeks red and heart racing.

“What’s happening, are you okay?”

“I got a job offer,” you said quickly, still holding the phone close to you.

“What?” He smiled, “why didn’t you tell me you were looking? I didn’t even know--”

“It’s in Los Angeles.”

His smile faded instantly, he blinked a few times like he must have misheard you. The leather of his couch felt cool beneath your legs, a clock on the wall ticked and for a second, you wondered if he could hear your pulse as loudly as you could.

He pulled his eyes away from you but then quickly scanned over your face. “Are you taking it?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence, words filled your brain and crawled up the back of your throat, desperate to be said out loud, in real life, instead of just circling in your head.

Because I don’t know what we’re doing or if we’re moving forward. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I can stay in London forever. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Only the last part made it out between your lips. “I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he stood up, more angry now as he looked around the room and scratched at the base of his neck. “This kind of feels like a bombshell to drop on someone.”

“I was going to tell you--but we haven’t had a second alone, I just didn’t want to have to tell everyone before I knew what was happening.”

“You didn’t even tell me you interviewed,” he said.

“The last time I saw you alone we got interrupted by Erica three times in one conversation.”

“Probably for a good reason--”

“But you seriously can’t even put your phone down lately when we have dinner, even when everyone else is there!”

“I can’t help it that my work is insanely busy right now!”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” you said this quickly, voice higher than usual and a heat on your skin that he normally didn’t provoke, at least not in a bad way. You stood from the couch and put your hands on your hips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t even know if this job is right for me and under no circumstances are you allowed to tell anyone. Especially Jessie.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What’s the eye roll for?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just got back and now you might leave and--”

“I said I don’t know if I’m going to take it.”

He was quiet at that, clucked his tongue in thought but then disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

The car ride over was awkward, he asked how your day had been and you told him you talked to Alyssa, he bristled when you admitted you told her about it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, you were sure of that. You’d likely end up at his for the night and he’d apologize for being busy, you’d apologize for not telling him and maybe, you hoped, he’d ask you to stay over.

When you greeted Adam with a hug, you ignored Harry’s sour mood and opened the menu in front of you.

“My first dinner as a Londoner,” Jessie smiled, shimming her shoulders in excitement when Bryn looked over the specials across the table from you.

“This is on you, right? New job, new salary?” Jake teased.

“Maybe if I hadn’t just bought a whole new bedroom set,” she rolled her eyes.

“How’s everything with you?” Adam eyed Harry, his question veiled to avoid too many details in public.

Luckily, Harry’s ability to go out in public in London was similar to that in New York. As long as a private room or a table in the back was requested, he could typically get away unscathed if dinner was less than 2 hours and if he had his back to the dining room.

“Fine,” he shrugged, eyes still down at the drink menu.

“Fine?” Jessie leaned forward, her tone insinuating that she didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working really hard all summer and now all you say is ‘fine?’”

He glanced up at her, lips in a forced smile. “S’all good, Jess--just tired.”

Bryn gave you a look, one that asked what stick is up his ass?, before she changed the topic.

“Let’s not tell our server how fit she is tonight, yeah?”

Jake let out a snort of a laugh and sipped at the water that had already been brought to your table. “Alright, you thought the one last week was just as hot as I did.”

“I did,” Bryn agreed seriously, “but I didn’t offer my number unsolicited. How do you know she’s even straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Jessie chimed in. “Remember when you asked that girl to dance in the club when her girlfriend was right there with her arm around her?”

“I thought they were just mates!” Jake defended.

“You also have the worst radar for gay women ever,” Bryn nodded.

“When was this?” Harry asked, the hint of a smile on his face when he watched Jake adjust his napkin on his lap.

The words came out of your mouth without thought. “You weren’t here--you were in LA.”

He met your eyes when you replied, nodded, and then leaned back in his chair, effectively bowing out of the conversation without saying another word.

You weren’t trying to be short with him. You looked over to Jessie, who undoubtedly sensed the tension, and offered a smile. “How’s the flat?”

“Good,” she nodded. “Glad that all my furniture got put together without any scratches,” she reached over and patted Adam on the shoulder.

“We’re not children, Jessie, we can handle some furniture.”

“You broke my dresser when I asked you guys to move it into another room,” Bryn reminded, a look of confusion on her face at Adam’s retort.

“Only because it was already half broken and a piece of shit,” Jake said. “I love you, Brynnie, but that dresser was already knocking on Heaven’s door.”

Harry let out a laugh at that, another memory that he had missed while on a trip to a studio somewhere north of London. He excused himself to the bathroom after you placed your orders, and once he was out of earshot, Jake leaned down and looked at you.

“What’s going on with him?”

You forced a cheesy grin and blinked a few times. “He’s just grumpy.”

“‘Bout what?” Bryn asked.

“Guys,” you leaned back in your chair, hoping you didn’t have to say too much. “I can’t tell you every single thing that happens in our relationship.”

“Well, when it affects us I think we have the right to know,” Jessie shrugged, playing the typical we don’t like when our parents fight card.

“It’s not affecting you,” you shook your head, eyed her seriously over your glass of Pinot Noir.

Adam shrugged, a smirk on his face let you know he was trying to rile you up. “He’s grumpy at dinner and we’re all here and we’re all aware of it. We don’t like tension between you two.”

“Alright, leave the woman alone,” Jake waved them off. “As long as everything’s alright.”

“It’s totally alright,” you nodded, wondering when you’d gotten so comfortable lying to them. “He’s just busy with the next phase of work.”

With Harry’s album yet to be announced, you couldn’t sit around in a London restaurant and divulge details--even if you were all acutely aware of the work he’d put in and the upcoming announcements and events.

Adam let it go. “How’s work for you, Smalls?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “s’good--I told you all about my November cover story, right?”

“Yeah,” Jessie sipped a glass of Cabernet. “But you said you didn’t know who it was going to be with.”

“Well, s’cause I had to drop the bomb on him first,” you nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be sitting down in a few days with Ms. Gigi Hadid,” you lowered your voice and leaned forward to say her name.

Bryn’s eyes went wide, Jake grimaced.

“How’d he take that?” Adam asked.

“He’s not thrilled,” you admitted. “But I’ll talk with his team about what to avoid specifically, I guess. Her team will probably have a list of off-limits items too.”

Bryn let her elbows rest on the white tablecloth. “Yeah, but, you can’t just ignore the fact that she’s dating Zayn.”

“I also can’t just barge in and stir shit up,” you said.

Harry pulled his chair out next to you and sat back down. “Who are you stirring shit up with?”

Everyone chose to be quiet now--Adam looked down at his phone and Jessie reached for her wine again.

“Just telling them about my cover story,” you admitted, watching his face for a reaction.

He nodded, a tiny smirk in your direction. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stir shit up,” he said, reaching to put a hand on your thigh beneath the table.

Those were the moments that made you feel less panicky--the realization that he was still choosing you and even when the tension was high and the mood was low, he’d reach over and remind you that yes, he cared. Even if he was late to dinner or distracted.

Which is why, when you got back in his car that night and headed for his house, you were surprised when his mood shifted again.

“I’ll just drop you at yours?”

“Oh--yeah, sure.”

“Did you want to come to mine?” He looked over at you like he hadn’t expected any resistance to sleeping separately.

You were quiet for a second--not if he didn’t want you there. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t read your mind, Y/N.”

“You don’t have to,” you said quickly, a prickly tone to your words when he made an unreadable face.

He drove in silence for a few minutes, closing in on your neighborhood when the street lamps disappeared for the sake of suburbia.

Eventually he cleared his throat and that sent you over the edge.

“What do you want me to say, Harry? Do you want me to apologize for interviewing for this job?”

“No,” he said simply. “I just don’t know why you thought you didn’t need to tell me about a huge decision like that.”

“It wasn’t a decision until today when they offered it to me.”

“Just seems like something you talk to your boyfriend about.”

You looked over at him in the dark of night, the glow from the dashboard didn’t help you see his features as he turned left onto your street.

“Well, sorry that we didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it between your work schedule and Jessie moving in and group dates--”

He slowed down on your street, put his flashers on when he stopped in front of your building. “I don’t want to keep secrets from each other,” his voice was softer now. “I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life. I did enough of that for two years when we weren't talking.”

You sighed at this, the sentiment broke whatever anger was lurking inside you and when you looked up to see him, you wondered if you should ask him.

Are we ever going to move in together? Are we ever going to get engaged?

You figured the lead up to his sophomore album wasn’t the best time for that conversation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you climbed the stairs to your flat alone.

**

A few days later you sat nervously in a conference room and watched as beads of sweat formed on the water glass in front of you. Tyler had brought you in, offered you a breath mint, and promised you’d be fine. When you asked him if the whole room was hot he said it was just you and your nerves--but the droplets of water that raced towards the wooden conference table begged to differ.

You’d gotten email after email this morning: one from Jeff with the rules he and Harry had come up with and eight from Gigi’s team with requests for snacks, topics to discuss, topics to avoid, lunch request, arrival and departure time, and a few extra regarding booking her photoshoot the next day.

A text lit up your screen when you tried to smooth your your hair in the reflection of your screen.

Jake Newcomb (10:42am): In case you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, a video of Gigi Hadid saying she loves me would be perfect!

You ignored his text and felt a pang of disappointment in your gut, you thought it would have been Harry with words of encouragement.

He was fine with you doing the interview, he seemed to come around to the idea when he met with Jeff and had a chance to mark some things as off limits.

So far, his list was as follows:

Don’t publish anything too negative about anyone in the band (if she says anything negative about anyone in the band)

Harry and Jeff got to listen to the taped interview

Harry and Jeff got to read the article before you sent it off to your editor and could make suggestions to cut things if they felt it necessary.

It seemed silly, but you’d long been used to the lingo of contracts and riders and ground rules for things like these. You knew both Harry and Jeff trusted you, in fact, Jeff was now choosing to see this as a good opportunity for press before the announcement of Harry’s album.

Your biggest concern, truly, was not looking/sounding/acting like an idiot in a room alone with Gigi Hadid. Your second biggest concern was conducting a unique interview and writing a unique article.

You knew that Naomi and Tyler were nearby for support if needed, Tyler had already walked by the conference room three times to see if your subject had arrived and likely to make sure you hadn’t sweat through your blouse. You thought the commotion in the hallway was him until you saw a group of busy-looking people with cellphones and sunglasses.

“Hi,” you stood from your chair, extended a hand in her direction and offered your best professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Gigi, thanks for doing this interview.”

She seemed hesitant at first, smiled a little and shook your hand. “Happy to,” she said. She turned over her shoulder and locked eyes with the woman who seemed to be the most in-charge of the group. “I’m good,” she nodded.

They hustled out quickly, you stood frozen in place and watched as she took off her coat before sitting in the chair you’d pulled out for her. Once the door was shut behind her posse, she let out a sigh that bled into a frustrated laugh.

“I could never do an interview with all of them just loitering around--wouldn’t that be so weird?”

You nodded, mirrored her smile and had to remind your body how to move. Left foot, right, breathe, sit in the chair.

You weren’t really one to get star struck, but then again, you didn’t spend too much time with celebrities that weren’t Harry or his close friends. You certainly never sat down with a model like Gigi to have a conversation that could be as awkward as this one.

She checked her phone quickly but then put it face down on the table. “I am happy to do this, I know it might feel weird for us to be hanging out--but boys are stupid anyway.”

You smiled at this, immediately relaxed when she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Did you also get a whole list of things to not talk to me about?”

She stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Zayn can be a man of few words but,” she looked down at your phone on the table. “Off the record--he had quite a bit to say when I told him you were doing the interview.”

“Off the record,” you laughed, “Harry did too. But how is Zayn?”

“He’s good--thinking about getting back in the studio at some point to start working on a new album, he’s been writing a bunch. Harry’s doing the same I assume?”

“Yes, yeah, he’s been really busy.”

“I know things might not have gone great between all of them at the end, but I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”

“Me neither. You can say as much or as little about the band as you’d like.”

She nodded, you figured it was time to give your pre-interview spiel.

“So, I’ll record us in a few seconds, you can obviously say ‘off the record’ if there’s something you don’t want me to include, but I like my interviews to be like conversations, basically. I’ll send someone on your team the recording when we’re done and a typed transcript. You’ll have 48-hours to look over it and revoke any statements that you don’t want me publishing or to clarify anything. After that I’ll write the story, send a final copy to your team before it gets finalized here, again, 48-hours to look it over and request any changes but at that time we don’t have to approve the requests. This is all in a document somewhere that someone probably signed for you--I’m sure your team is used to it, they know what they’re doing.”

You reached forward and pressed a few buttons on your phone, she watched until you looked up and told her: “It’s on now, so we’re recording and today is September 10th, 2019.”

She smiled like you were old friends. “Where do we start?”

“Is there somewhere you want to start?”

She leaned her head to the side. “We can jump right to it--”

“To what?”

“Oh come on,” she laughed. “Us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “It’s funny that us just sitting down together will be a big deal, right? As if we’ve got nothing better to talk about than them.”

“Sexism at it’s finest,” she admitted.

“Do you find that a lot in your industry?”

She thought on this for a second, looked out the window but nodded. “It’s unavoidable, in a lot of ways. I think there have been a lot of changes over the last few years to at least move us in the right direction, but we’ve got a long way to go.”

“How would you want to see it change for the better?”

“Well, I’d love to have more privacy about my love life, for one,” she caught herself, looked to you quickly as if she felt bad. “Off the record, we can talk about it here, it’s fine. It’s different to talk about it with a woman, number one. And you’re you, you get it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you offered.

“No, I don’t mind. Unless you plan on asking me stupid things like how amazing is it to be dating someone as handsome as him or do I find that his job overshadows mine, we’re good. We can be back on the record, too,” she looked down at the numbers on your phone, eyeing the ticking of the recording clock.

“But do you know what I mean? No one asks guys questions like that--or they’re different, at least. People just want to know everything about your relationship when you’re a woman and they view you in the context of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I get that.”

She smiled, “it’s hard to date someone famous, isn’t it? Lots of rules around it.”

You were surprised by the genuine look in her eyes, despite her own status and contracts and income, she seemed to be acknowledging that the two of you shared a unique experience and were now brought together under strange circumstances.

“It’s definitely hard for me--but, isn’t it easier seeing as you also have an assistant and a manager and people to, I don’t know, facilitate things? Not to invalidate how hard it still is.”

She laughed at that, “Yeah, in some ways, probably. He’s really private though, which is good for us. We focus on ourselves and do our own thing most of the time.”

“Right--you seem pretty private about it for the most part.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, reflecting on your words for a second. “I think to me it feels weird that my relationship status can make so much news, you know? Modeling is my job and obviously that’s not your typical nine-to-five but--I like to focus on my work and when male journalists are continuously obsessed with my love life, I find that weird. I mean, you get that, right? I’m sure it’s no different with Harry.”

You bit your lip, embarrassed at how she’d managed to turn it around. She was right--you’d been getting more and more annoyed with how much your relationship with Harry was dictating your life--and for some reason, you admitted this to her.

“People are much more interested in me because I’m dating him--but they’d be just as interested in you even if you weren’t.”

“Would they?” She tilted her head to the side, another rise and fall of her shoulders as she looked around the room. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it feels like dating him gave my career a huge boost. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I totally get it. I feel the same way. I was building my career in New York and it was going well and I was writing fun stuff and making a name for myself and then I started hanging out with him and--”

“Everyone started to care more about you?”

“Exactly.”

You thought about the headlines, the articles, the pictures in tabloids that undoubtedly helped your name spread like wildfire through London and New York. You had to ignore it, most of the time, reassure yourself that you were a good journalist and a good employee and the good things in your career were not just a byproduct of the boy who slept in your bed.

She smiled knowingly, her lips in a thin line when she looked down to the tape recorder, almost like she felt guilty for steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, sitting up straight. “Back to business.”

The conversation bled into more normal things: the upcoming fall fashion week, how she manages self-care when she’s busy jetting from city to city, and, try as you might, the two of you wound your way back to your commonalities a few times: sexism in your industries, life as young women dating famous men.

You thanked her profusely at the end and promised that Tyler would be in touch to confirm the date and time for her corresponding photoshoot later that week. She draped a Versace leather tote over her shoulder and seemed to float out of the office with a posse of beautiful people behind her.

You stood--still awestruck--in the hallway and watched as the elevator doors slid shut.

“She’s prettier in person,” Tyler said from beside you, a notebook in hand as he stared at the air she’d once occupied. “I didn’t know if that type of thing was possible but she’s definitely one of the prettiest humans I’ve ever seen.”

“She was nice,” you turned around to see Naomi behind him, also eager for more details. You headed back for your office in a trance, they scurried behind you as you thought aloud. “I mean, I didn’t think she’d be rude--but I didn’t know what to expect with the whole band history stuff.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“Less about the band and more about--” you blinked a few times and sat down at your desk, “sexism, what it’s like to be a woman dating a famous man and how that affects your career.”

Both of their eyes went wide, a smile tugged at Naomi’s lips when Tyler put a hand over his heart in shock.

“I’m sorry, so you’re telling me that you just had a heart to heart with Gigi Hadid about sexism and your boyfriends and--”

“I guess so,” you shrugged, just as surprised as they were.

**

You gave Harry fewer details that night over FaceTime as you brushed your teeth. He was somewhere in New York, disappointed that he’d miss Jake’s birthday dinner and celebration, but he promised to make it up to him when he got back.

He lifted a cup of tea to take a sip, light shone through the window behind him on your screen and he scrolled through emails on his laptop.

You spit into the sink, an ocean between you.

“Have you thought at all about the offer? You have to tell them by tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, wiped at your mouth with a towel and then crossed your arms. “I can stay, I mean--if you want me to.”

He made a face at that, leaned forward and furrowed his brows together. “Of course I want you to stay, Y/N, but I don’t want to be the reason you pass on something important."

You were quiet for a second, uncapped lotion before spreading some across your forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't react well when you told me. I'm proud of you and it sounds like a phenomenal opportunity...I don't know, it's just the timing of it--"

You cut him off, “well none of this is ideal timing, Harry.”

“Do you mean with my album?”

“I mean with any of it,” you said truthfully. “The album, the job offer--”

“Well the album existed before the job offer,” he trailed off.

Only a matter of seconds and a handful of words had managed to get you elevated and angry and ready to fight. That was happening more easily, these days.

“So what am I supposed to do? Always come second? Make every decision in my life based off of your career and your music?”

“S’not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that--I dunno--I thought you knew what you were getting into.”

Quiet, your hands gripped the counter in your bathroom. Your bare feet were on the floor and you wondered why you were trying so hard to make everything work if things were only getting harder.

“That came out wrong,” he shook his head, the look on his face let you know he wanted to take it back.

“No, it didn’t." You let out a sharp laugh. "I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Take the job,” he said quickly, like he saw you reaching for the button to end the FaceTime call.

“What?”

“Take it. If it’ll make you happy, take it.”

“And what about us?”

“We figure it out,” he shrugged. “We try.”

You sighed, unsure what to say.

"It's Los Angeles," he said. "Not Antarctica."

You blew air between your lips, looked up at him for a second. The curl of hair that dipped onto his forehead, the way his mouth pulled up in the corner like it always had.

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His words didn’t offer any relief and you spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning and wondering how on earth you were supposed to make a decision.

Leaving him in London felt stupid. A few bumps in the road and you were ready to jump ship?

But staying and hoping for a ring or a shared address felt even stupider, somehow. You couldn’t pass up a dream job and hope that things would go well for your career if you weren’t going to work for it.

A few hours of rest came after 3am, your morning coffee was a tad bitter and the clouds in the sky seemed to match your mood. Maybe you should have spent more time thinking it over, talking it out, even calling your mum or Katie for advice.

But you couldn’t have told everyone about the job offer without a certain answer, and unfortunately, the person you wanted to talk to the most didn’t seem like he could be impartial.

You’d been upset, you’d been feeling disconnected from him, but that didn’t erase all of the good times and the happy memories you’d made, right?

Naomi and Tyler locked themselves in your office for lunch on Friday, they promised that they’d never tell your boss and they swore they supported you either way. Tyler used an expo marker to make a pros and cons list of staying in London and Naomi came up with a points system for each bullet on the list.

You stared at it, looked at the names of all of your friends, your family, your favorite cafes and restaurants in London. At the very bottom of what had become a long list of reasons to stay was his name.

And on the other side, Tyler’s poor drawing of an engagement ring sat beside a big question mark.

You didn’t know what the future held for you and Harry, and maybe that was okay. You didn’t know what would happen when you packed your life into a suitcase and moved to New York, but you’d survived to tell the tale.

They were quiet, eyes darting from the board back to you as they waited for you to say something.

You sighed, Tyler shifted on the couch in your office and Naomi smoothed out her blouse.

“I can’t take it,” you said.

Tyler’s eyes went wide, “really? You’re staying?”

“I can’t leave,” you shrugged. “I can’t leave him behind and leave my friends and start all over in a new city right as I’m really finding my groove here again.”

“Okay, I know we said we’d support you either way but I would have been fucking pissed if you went,” Tyler admitted, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

You laughed, let him squeeze you before Naomi joined in.

“Me too,” she confessed, a smile on her face when she pulled away. “But I would have at least faked happy for you.”

You bit back the doubt and second-guessing, used their excitement to fuel a regretful email.

Thank you so much for the opportunity, but after careful consideration I cannot accept this position due to the geographical location.

Your thumb hovered over the small blue arrow, a wave of panic flooded through you when you hit send, like somehow, something inside of you knew that everything was about to change.

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AN: apologies in advance for the cliffhanger......except I'm not sorry lmao

#tstt #tytl #idkthisisjustforfanfic #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles fic author #harry styles fic #harry styles fiction #harry styles fanfiction #hsfic #hs fic #harry fic #1dff

[feelingisshit]

Don’t Know Me - Stan Uris x Reader

Warnings - swearing, sexual mentions, victor and belch, this is my first time writing for IT

Stan and I had never really got along, it wasn’t like we always hated each other but we really never clicked as I did with the rest of the losers. We just never really had anything in common except our friends which obviously wasn’t enough because those friends started to become what was pushing us even farther apart. A snide remark from Richie here and there and then the rest of the group opting to believe Stan more often than not put more tension on our relationship and soon enough both of us did hate each other. 

“God, why do you have to correct everything I say? You’re such a fucking know-it-all Stanley!” Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes so aggressively that I thought maybe they’d fall out of his damn head. “All you do is try to take control of everything I do or say! And you know what else Stan?” I ask, moving towards him and poking a finger into his chest. “What? What nonsense do you have to say this time (y/n)? Really I’d love to know!” this makes me fume and if we were in a cartoon you’d most likely see smoke shoot out of my ears. “That! That’s what else Stan! You act like I’m so ignorant when really I get the same grades if not better than you do. Just because I don’t like to use my free time to study new things like you and Ben do doesn’t mean I’m an idiot!” I stomp and all the losers shrink back away from us.

I look over at them and my eyes immediately when I see that Eddie and Ben are visibly worried. I turn back to Stan who’s looking down on me with an expression I can’t quite read. I sigh heavily before grabbing my bag off the dirt-covered planks of the clubhouse and heading to the ladder up. “W-Where are you y-y-you go-going (y/n)?” Bill stutters out and I shoot Stan a glare before looking back at Bill. “I need a breather so I’m going back into town, probably home. If you guys want to hang out again later that’s fine by me.” I say before taking the ladder back up to the surface and walking back towards town to get ice cream.

“Why? Why the fuck does he hate me so much?” I cried, leaning over my ice cream. God Stan pisses me off to no end but at least I’m really the only one who he treats this way. At least he’s nice to the rest of the losers. “He’d be so pretty if he wasn’t scowling all the time…” I say to myself before finishing my ice cream. As I finish my cone and start to get up I get pushed back down onto the curb. I look up and see the two remaining boys of Bowers’ gang above me with hesitant smiles and shifting eyes. They look down on me with much more venom than I’ve ever seen in Stan’s eyes when he looks at me. “What are you doing all alone on the pavement? Your group of fuck buddies tired of you already? Ya get too used for their liking?” Victor spat at me and I let out a laugh without thinking. He grabbed me by my top and pulled me closer to him, so close that I could smell the liquor he had been drinking. The scent hit my nose so hard that I didn’t get to hear what he had said before he slapped me, threw me to the pavement, kicked me in the side a few times, then ran for the hills with Belch following closely behind.

“Are you alright (y/n)?” I didn’t get to register who had said that to me before I started crying again. Whoever had come to check on me just sat beside me quietly listening and rubbing a hand over my back to help soothe me. While I cried I let everything go to this stranger, I told them about practically everything that had been bothering me. Like part of the traumatic events of earlier that summer and how much Stan being a major dickhead was affecting me. All they did was rub their hand up and down my back and before I had realized it, the sun was already almost set and I would need to be home soon for dinner.  I quickly got up, wiped my eyes, gathered my belongings, and shouted a quick thanks before running off in the direction of my home without thinking to take a quick look back.

The next few times the losers club hung out Stan was fairly silent, opting to read a book instead of listening to mostly just Eddie and Richie bickering. The fourth hangout all Stan could seem to do was stare at me over the edge of his big book of birds. Yet, every time I locked eyes with him he looked away quickly, acting as if he hadn’t just been peering at me for at least fifteen minutes straight. That was about all I could stand to let him stare me down while I was trying to have a conversation with Ben and Beverly. “Why is he staring at you like that? Did something happen after you went to take a breather?” Bev questioned and Ben shuddered from the memory of how angry I had gotten. “I have no fucking clue to be completely honest with you. I really wish I did know what was going on in that pretty head of his…” I said without really thinking too much and both Ben and Bev did a double-take after I had said it. I regretted my words as soon as they had absentmindedly come out of my mouth and I laid my head in my hands, thankful that Stan was sitting on the other side of the clubhouse from us.  

“(y/n)? What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.” Bev teased and Ben pushed her a bit but all she did was laugh and then lean onto Ben’s shoulder to listen to what I’ll have to say. “Seriously tho, Bev’s teasing aside, I never thought I’d hear you say something like that about one of us and especially not Stan.” I groan and lift my head to look around. Everyone was still caught up in their conversations to pay us any mind. The only person who even thought to give us attention was still just Stan. When I caught his eyes with mine he didn’t look away immediately like he had before, like he somehow knew we were talking about him. I wave my hand awkwardly and he simply nods back at me and then looks back down to keep reading his big bird book.

I leaned forward towards the two so that hopefully only they could hear me. “Yeah…” I sighed and shook my head “I think Stan is cute but that doesn’t change the fact that we still basically hate each other.” Ben nodded thoughtfully with a hand to his chin. Bev butts in, “I don’t know, I think something has changed. He’s never kept his distance like this.” She stated plainly, leaning back against the wooden post with her hands laced behind her head. “He usually just sits with everyone and then argues with you if you bring something up. Are you sure nothing happened between you two after you had left?” She asks closing her eyes to rest them, a soft smile resting on her lips.

“I mean yeah i’m sure, unless you guys sent him after me. Someone, I didn't get to see who, checked up on me after I got pushed around a bit by Victor and Belch outside the ice cream shop.” She coughed and sat straight up looking at me with wide eyes, trying to catch her breath. “Victor and Belch got to you and you didn’t think to mention it to any of us?!” Bev shouted which quickly gained the rest of the boys’ attention. The only eyes that didn't look up at Bev were Stan’s. In fact, he actually shrank even further into his book if that were even possible. I tried to wave everyone’s attention off but none of them even started to look away until I had proved that I was fine other than a few bruises. After they had all finally gone back to their prior conversations I told Ben and Bev what I had ended up saying to whoever was kind enough to comfort one of the loser kids. Ben and Bev exchanged looks but neither of them seemed to want to make an effort to express what they were thinking.

The next time we all got together again was at Bill’s place for a sleepover. And by then whatever remorse Stan had for me had passed because he was back to being obnoxious as usual, correcting my grammar, and whatever else he thought I was wrong about. “Ya know what Stan?” I finally spit out after he had corrected my grammar for maybe the twelfth time already that night. Everyone looked nervously between the two of us, scared that a screaming match would start soon. Stan cocked an eyebrow at me and my eye twitched before I started to answer, “Stan, I have no idea why you had mercy on me for a few days and I have absolutely no clue what crawled up your fucking ass and died that put you in a shit mood but I really don’t want to be in a bad mood tonight. Do you think you could at least be a little nicer to me for your friends so you don’t fuck up their time?” I was exhausted already and we had only been at Bill’s for maybe an hour. “Honestly I might just head to bed now so Stan plays nice since he only ever seems to really be upset with me. Or maybe I’ll just head home even so I’m not even in the same house to be upset with. Oh, and Stan?” He tilted his head questioningly. “Maybe get to know a girl a bit more before you hate her cause honestly you don’t even really know me.” I breathed and gathered my belongings. I tried to leave too but Bill was one step ahead of me.

“P-please do-don’t leave (y/n). You can go l-lay down in-in my room if y-you need a bre-breather.” I nod and smile softly, “Thanks Billy.” I say before setting my bag back down on the floor by the couch and heading up to Bill’s room for a break from the chaos. After a few minutes of getting to lay in silence and stare at the ceiling a knock sounded at Bill’s bedroom door. “Come in,” I say, half expecting Ben, Bev, or Eddie to be the one at the door but when I look over at the door after it had opened I see Stan standing there awkwardly in the frame of the door. “I said you could come in Stan, I don’t know why you’re up here but believe me you’re welcome to come in none the less.” I say looking back up at the ceiling. I hear the floorboards creak and feel the bed dip beside me. I hear Stan mumble something and I sigh and sit up on the bed. “I couldn’t hear what you said, you’re mumbling.” I state, looking straight at Stan whose face is red and his golden brown eyes are shifting quite a lot. “I’m sorry, okay!” he suddenly shouted and it startled me since he doesn’t usually get very loud.

“What?” I say more out of confusion than anything else and Stan stands and starts to head towards the door. I jump up and grab at his wrist to stop him. “I didn’t come in here to fight you, I’m sorry. I’ll try to leave you be from now on. That’s all I came to say.” he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand nervously. “You sure? It sorta seems like there’s more you want to say.” I ask and he sighs, “I was the person who was with you after Victor and Belch got to you  and I didn’t realize how much what i said actually affected you. So, I’m sorry for everything I’ve said to or about you.” He apologizes with a red face and I chuckle lightly. “I’m sorry too Stan, I haven’t been all that honest with you either.” He tilts his head in confusion and I shake my head and continue, “I don’t hate you Stan, I honestly wish I did after everything you’ve done and said to me to piss me off over the years. Really I,” I pause, taking a deep breath before I admit this to him. 

“I  honestly think you’re pretty cute, handsome, pretty, whatever word you’d prefer.” I manage to spit out with a heated face and this time not from anger but from slight embarrassment of admitting something I’ve only told Bev and Ben. He just stands there staring at me in awe or shock, I couldn’t quite tell which. I place a hand on his shoulder and pull him down to my level. I place a soft kiss on his cheek before starting to head back to the group sitting in Bill’s living room. “I guess you do know me huh Stan Uris?” I whisper to myself before walking into the living room and sitting down among the other losers.

#stanley uris x reader #stanley uris #it #it chapter two #it fanfiction #fanfiction #x reader #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #mike hanlon #it chapter one #pennywise #shit's fics

[spookysanta]

The TA. - one. (c.e, h.c.)

Summary: she just wants to make a good impression. clearly, she’s made more of an impression on the two of them.

Pairings: Professor!Chris Evans x Black!Reader, student!Henry Cavill x Black!Reader

WARNINGS: swearing

updates will be sporadic because it’s a wip, but here’s part one! enjoy! :)

UNEDITED

****

 To Whom it May Concern:

Good morning. My name is Dr. Christopher R. Evans and I’ll be your supervising professor for section D346-0 of Chemistry class for the Fall semester. I’m sending you this e-mail to introduce myself as well as get to know you a bit before classes start next week. Would you be willing to meet me in my office (Franklin Hall, 3210) this Wednesday at around 3 p.m.? I’d like to go over the syllabus as well as your requirements as my TA.

Please let me know if that time works well for you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc.

[phone]

  *** 

Professor Evans:

Good morning! It’s nice to hear from you. I was in the process of getting your contact information to introduce myself. Thank you for taking me on as your TA, also—I appreciate that you’re giving me a chance. I’ll avail myself on Wednesday to meet with you at 3 p.m., I don’t want to change your schedule on my behalf. I can also provide you with my class schedule if you’d like so that you have my availability when you need to meet with me.

I’m excited to be working with you this semester!.

 Best,

(Y/N) (Y/L/N)

  ***

“Hi, my name’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Is Dr. Evans around?” She entered the lecture hall, approaching the podium where another professor was packing up her things. “I’m his new TA.”

“Yes, his office is through that door. Go in, make a left, and it should be the first door on your right.” The professor instructed, “He should be in there.”

“Okay. Thank you, ma’am!” she hurried across the room and pushed through the door, following the professor’s instructions and finding his classroom much easier than she had initially. She knocked on the door to his office. “Dr. Evans?”

“Come in.”

She opened the door slowly. She found him at his desk, typing on a computer. He paused for a moment, looking up toward the doorway with a small smile.

“Hi. You must be (Y/N).” he stood and crossed the small room stalking over to her and offering his hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Great to meet you as well, Dr. Evans.” She shook his hand eagerly. This was her first professional job, and well…it’s helpful to have him as her boss.

Mainly to look at, but that’s beside the point.

“Oh, please. You can call me Chris.” He waved her off politely. “It’s just you and I here.”

She cleared her throat. “Okay.”

He made his way back to his seat behind the desk. “Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the chair that sat on the opposite side of the desk.

She sat down tightly with her hands flattened under her thighs—she’s a picker.

“What’s wrong?”

She shook her head tightly. “Nothing.”

He noticed that her face read differently than her words were saying. She looked almost uncomfortable, unsettled. “Are you sure?”

“This is just my first TA job so I’m a bit nervous,” She was almost hesitant to tell him the truth. She rushed out, “hopefully that doesn’t compromise my position.”

“Not at all! In fact, I think this is one of the easier classes to TA for, but maybe I’m biased.” He chuckled. “So, with that said, let’s go over your requirements. Hopefully I can put your mind at ease, okay?”

“Okay.” She smiled politely, trying to make herself relax but failing because Dr. Evans—Chris—was quite different that was she thought he would be. He was tall, built, and had the prettiest eyes she’d ever seen.

She’d assumed that he would look like Ebenezer Scrooge from the way her friends said he ran his class. By their record, he was a strict guy—very unwavering with deadlines and course policies, sticks to his syllabus schedule, assigns a ton of work, and has an even stricter attendance policy.

But they also said he was nice, which was hard to come by with professors in this field. They could tell he was a good person deep down and liked what he taught but he was a hard ass.

And by her analyzation, that was true.

His desk was quite neat and polished; it smelled of air freshener in the room; there weren’t any papers scattered about—which she was thankful for, because she cannot work with people who were unorganized—and, most notably, there weren’t any kind of photos hanging up. It was hard for her to determine whether he was a bachelor, or a married father that just kept things private.

Not that it mattered…but she wanted to know.

“So,” he turned one of his monitors to face her so that she could see his screen. “here’s the syllabus. It seems like a lot, but I swear, it isn’t.” he chuckled.

She hummed in response, beginning to read the lengthy document in her head as he spoke.

“Basically, your job will be to help me grade quizzes, labs, exams, and other assignments. You’ll also be required to proctor exams; I have another TA, Henry—he’s a graduate student—that will come in on exam days and proctor with you.”

She thought for a moment. “So, if I may ask, what will you do?”

“Teach the class.”

“Well, I know that. I just meant…it seems like a lot for me to do, and I’ve heard about some professors on campus having their TAs run the class.”

“Oh! Definitely not. Look, you seem great, and I have a feeling we’d get on well, but there’s a specific way I want my material taught so that’s not something you’d have to worry about.” He reassured her, noticing her body begin to relax. “What I will say, is there is a lot of content in my class, but the major graded assignments are few and far between, if that makes you feel better.”

She cocked an eyebrow.

“The class is mostly lab-based. You’ll be grading lab prep work, mostly—then comes the occasional homework or quiz, and exams.”

“Oh, okay. That makes more sense.”

He nodded. “Good.”

He scrolled down further into the document, showing his class policies.

“Now, these, I can’t break on.” He sighed. “I’m sure you’ve heard that I’m a strict guy.”

“What?” she replied incredulously. “No!”

He wanted to laugh. He could tell she was analyzing him, and she had to have heard something about him before the two of them met. “Well, it’s because a lot of the precautions are for the safety of us and the students.”

She scanned a random sentence on the page that read:

Students are required to be fully clothed on lab days—no t-shirts, ripped clothing, or closed-toed shoes.

10 points will be deducted for wearing clothing that does not meet the above dress requirement. More than one violation on the lab dress requirement will result in a deduction from the LAB grade.

Yikes, she thought, he’s not joking around.

She found it understandable nonetheless—she imagines it would be difficult to have a completely safe lab in a stuffy room while it’s still hot outside.

And she’s heard that a lot of the laboratories on his side of campus don’t have air conditioning, which was quite unfortunate this time of year.

“The dress policy is the most heavily enforced one.” He shrugged. “I can’t be held liable for students’ recklessness during labs.”

“Has the dress code been an issue previously?” she asked.

“Not for me, but I know it’s been one for the department, so I’m just tryin’ to keep my name off the “injury list”.”

She nodded in understanding.

“I think that’s pretty much it as far as the basics are concerned. I’ll send you a copy of my syllabus and calendar for the semester, as well as your contract.” He turned the monitor to face him again, typing quickly on his keyboard. “Oh! And I should send you Henry’s information, too.”

“Who’s Henry again?”

“Henry is a graduate TA. I’ve had him in my classes for a couple of years, and he’s a great student. I think he worked in the library over the summer, so you may know him.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Well, he’s a great person to know, not just for my class, but for your upper-level math and science classes.” He gushed. Clearly, he really liked having this “Henry” as an assistant.

“Okay, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“Great. And if you have any questions, shoot me an e-mail or a text and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Alright.” She replied simply.

He stood, holding out his hand again. “I’m looking forward to working with you this semester, (Y/N).”

She took his hand, this time relishing in the softness of his skin and the firmness in his grip. “I am, too.”

**

Later that day, after she’d completed the last assignments for her summer math class, she checked her e-mail’s inbox and found two messages from Chris and another from Henry, the godsend of a grad student.

***

 From: Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc.

Miss (Y/L/N)—

I hope this message finds you well.

Attached is my syllabus and class calendar, as well as your contract.

Please read through all of these. Sign the contract when you’re ready and e-mail it back to me at your earliest convenience.

Regards,

Chris

***

 From: Dr. Christopher R. Evans, D. Sc

Miss (Y/L/N)—

I meant to send you Henry’s information as well:

                Henry W. D. Cavill

                Phone: [phone]

                E-mail: [email protected]

Please message him at your earliest convenience. Like I said, he’s a great person to know!

Regards,

Chris

**

 She replied a quick “thank you” before continuing through her inbox.

***

From: Henry W. D. Cavill

Hi, (Y/N)! It’s nice to “meet” you, I’m Henry.

Chris has told me that you’re the new undergrad TA! That’s pretty impressive, honestly—you’re one of four undergraduate TAs in the entire Sciences department. Anyway, I just wanted to send you this e-mail to introduce myself and let you know that if you need anything, I’m always available. I worked in the school’s library over the summer so if you need me immediately, that’s usually where I spend my free time nowadays.

I’m excited to work with you this semester! Maybe we could grab coffee and get to know each other better before classes start next week? Let me know.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Best wishes,

Cav

**

“Cav?” she read aloud in disgust, “What the hell kind of a nickname is “Cav”?” She hoped that he didn’t expect her to call him that because that was stupid.

At any rate, she could tell that he was much more laid back than Chris, which she was bound to enjoy. As nice as Chris was, she could tell that he was a bit…uptight. Henry, on the other hand, seemed more laid back if she used “Cav” as a form of evidence.

She could tell that he was a bookworm, too, because no-one—no-one she knew, at least—stays in the library unless they had to, or just liked reading.

Clearly he was a different breed.  

She opened a new message to send a quick reply to his.

**

 To: Henry W.D. Cavill

Hi, Henry.

It’s nice to hear from you as well. I’ve heard nothing but good things about you!

I’m free tomorrow afternoon if you want to meet at The Bistro for coffee.

Let me know if that works for you.

Best,

(Y/N)

**

 There. Sweet and simple.

Don’t be confused, either—she wanted this position. It would open some doors for her down the line, especially if she can get on Chris’ good side like Henry clearly has. She just hated formalities. The emails, the “talk to you soon! ”s, the “hope you’re well! ”s… it was too high-strung for her.

She is, though, determined to start everything on a good foot. So she’ll be polite, she’ll wish them well, whatever—she just wanted to ensure that her success as an undergrad student wouldn’t be hindered or jeopardized by her desire to be casual with who’s really her boss and co-worker.

**

The next day, she mustered up the courage to throw on clothes and meet Henry at The Bistro, a café in the main square of the campus. She decided to dress nice, not entirely sure who she was meeting and wanting to make a good impression. Because “Cav” seemed like a decent guy, but you never know.

Honestly, she wanted to cancel but she knew that wouldn’t look good.

She stepped through The Bistro’s doors, the cold air practically smacking her in the face. Normally she would despise the cold, especially on a day like this where it wasn’t too hot and not at all humid; but today, she was grateful for the cold air that enwrapped her frame that was dressed in a black blazer and matching slacks.

She sent a message to Henry letting her know that she was there and sat at a table by the window.

Then she waited.

Ten minutes, then twenty, then thirty.

After forty minutes passed, she gathered her tote, phone, and keys, and made her way to the front door.

Before she could get to the door, a figure bumped into her, her body colliding with his hard chest. “Oh, shit, sorry!” the mass of flesh exclaimed, “I’m running late for a meeting and I didn’t watch where I was going.”

Her eyes met his as she took a step back. He was tall. His long brown hair was brushed behind one ear, cheeks flushed and pale, brown eyes wide.

He was cute.

“Wait,” she replied, “are you Henry?”

“Yeah…so?”

“So?” she glared at him. “I’m (Y/N).”

His eyes widened even more, as if that were possible. “Oh! I’m so sorry I’m late. My car broke down and I ended up having to walk here.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But listen, if you’re still free, I’d love to still talk with you.”

She didn’t have anywhere to be, so why not? “Sure.”

He let out a breath. “Thank you.”

The two of them sat down at the table she picked, him slugging his shoulder bag off his body and onto the floor next to him. He folded his hands on the table and looked at her, watching as she fumbled through her bag for her planner and a pen.

“So,” he started, “it’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“You, too.” She replied, her eyes not looking up.

“I’m usually the only TA in Chris’ class, so it’s really cool to have someone else around. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be the only one proctoring an exam in a class of three-hundred people.”

“Three-hundred people?”

“Yeah. Sometimes it’s less, but that’s the average. It’s full of freshmen, too.”

She finally found her planner and a pen in the depths of her bag. “Are freshmen bad?”

He shook his head, “Not really, they’re just…odd.” He shrugged. “Some of them want to learn, some don’t, and you can tell right away. The ones that want to learn don’t want help—it’s always the procrastinators, the slackers, the ones that don’t care that need you.”

“How is that odd?”

“It’s strange to me, honestly. I didn’t really care either way my freshman year. I wanted to learn but I didn’t care enough to actually try.”

“So what changed? Chris made you seem like you were some mythical being.”

He laughed. She’ll admit, she was lost in his smile for a second. The glint in his eyes and the crinkle in his nose made her smile. “A mythical being?” he repeated. “I’m far from mythical. I think he gushes about me because I take over his office hours for him most days.”

That made her laugh. “Well, he seems to be appreciative of having you around. Hopefully I can be helpful.”

“I’m sure you can be,” he waved her off, “he probably told you that his class wasn’t that bad, but he’s totally lying. My first year helping him was rough—too much shit to do, and not enough time for it to get done.”

That sounded more accurate compared to what Chris told her yesterday. “I figured.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s a great professor, and an awesome mentor to have—but sometimes he downplays stuff. He’ll say it’s “no big deal”, and it’ll be like Armageddon for us.”

She nodded slowly. “Any advice for getting on his good side?”

He chuckled. “If he likes you, you’ll know. And if he likes you, he’ll help you out. He’s not at all unreasonable, either; so just tell him what’s up when you have a problem, or if you’re overwhelmed, and he’ll do what he can to help.”

“That’s not what I heard.” She mumbled.

“Well, his students from last year will say he’s a dick, but—and you can’t tell anyone I told you this—” he leaned in closer, whispering, “he went through a nasty divorce last fall.”

So he isn’t married.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah. He wasn’t in the best place, but I’ll admit he’s eased up quite a bit so you should be fine.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Anything else you want to know?”

She thought for a moment. “Not really, no.”

He smiled again, “Alright. Well it was great talking with you, and I’m sorry again for being late.”

She shrugged, “Shit happens.”

“You’re exactly right. The meter maids are probably having a field day giving me tickets.” He stood from the table, putting his bag over his shoulder that was covered in a dark green jacket, brushing his hair behind his ears and away from his face.

She stood shortly after he did. “Good luck with that.”

“Oh, trust me, it wouldn’t be anything new for me to have a ticket by now. I’ve gotten five since May.”

Her eyes widened this time. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. The parking on campus is shit, you get in where you can. Open parking spaces are scarce, especially by Franklin Hall…so sometimes I park on the street.”

Street parking is decal only. By the number of tickets he’d obtained, she deduced that he most likely had no decal. “Hence all the tickets.” She finalized.

“Yeah.”

“Criminal.” She shook her head jokingly.

“Guilty as charged.” He held out his wrists to her as if she was putting him in handcuffs. “See you around, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then he turned and left, moving quickly down the pavement.

—

Tags (dm to be removed): @lady-x-red @justtwhst @lokisbitch27 @boundtomyfate @cyberdoshee @liquorlaughslove @heroine-of-color

#The Ta #henry cavill x black reader #chris evans x black reader #chris evans x black woman #henry cavill x black woman #the ta fic

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

#seasintro #addiction tw #alcohol tw #drugs tw

[caslikescoffeeandfreckles]

Stealing is a Good Habit

#spnstayhome Monday 3: thief @pray4jensen @bend-me-shape-me @helianthus21 Read on Ao3

Elementary

The first time Dean steals from Cas, they’re five years old and blowing off steam on the playground before nap time. Cas is playing with his action figures near the swings, lost in a world of talking puppies and grand adventures. 

He’s distracted for only a moment when a little boy falls off the swing and everyone holds their breath to gauge his reaction. Luckily, he just brushes himself off and jumps back on the swing. No teacher intervention needed.

Cas goes back to his toys only to notice that one is missing. 

Instant panic floods his body and he feels sick, his heart beating, as he gazes wildly around the swing area. He knows he had his toy. It was just here a second ago!

And that’s when he spots it - just a tiny flash of orange clutched in the hand of another kindergartner. It’s not a lot to go on but Cas just knows deep down that’s his toy!

He’s up before he can even think, dashing to the other side of the swings where the boy sits. He’s moving the toy through the blades of grass like it’s on some amazing jungle adventure, whispering nonsensical dialogue to himself, but Cas doesn’t care.

“Hey, that’s mine!”

The boy looks up at Cas’s shout, big green eyes round with fear. “W-what?”

“That’s my toy!” Cas shouts, pointing at the figurine still in the other boy’s hand. “You stole my toy! My big brother says stealing make you a thief!”

“I’m not a thief!” the other boy shouts back, looking less scared now and more angry. “I found it!”

“No, you stole it!”

Unlike the kid falling off the swing, this argument does require teacher intervention. Cas and the other boy are taken off to the side where they continue screaming at each other until Ms. Summers is finally able to get them to take a breath and explain themselves. 

“I’m sorry,” the boy who Cas has learned is named Dean says, in a very soft and quiet voice. “I’m sorry for being a thief.”

Big, fat tears well in his green eyes and Cas can’t find it in himself to be mad anymore. “Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, the way his mommy speaks to him when he gets upset. “Don’t be sad. I’m sorry for yelling.”

Dean had relinquished the toy a while ago but now Cas offers it to him, smiling brightly and moving closer. “We can share if you want?”

Dean doesn’t seem to believe him at first but when Cas tilts his head and keeps smiling, Dean starts to smile too, all crooked teeth and crinkled eyes. “Okay!”

Middle School

Cas is sitting alone at his unofficial lunch table. His tray sits in front of him, mostly untouched, as he chooses to immerse himself in the library book he brought with him. He knows most people find him weird for liking to read, especially when he could be eating or talking to friends, but Cas had never minded. He prefers stories to the company of others. Well, except for one person.

Another tray claps down across from him and Cas waits until he finishes the paragraph he’s on to lower the book and greet his best friend.

“New book?” Dean asks casually before shoveling a handful of fries into his mouth.

Cas hums and flips it so Dean can see the title. “I got it from the library yesterday. It’s about a boy who rides dragons.”

Dean’s eyes sparkle. “Oh, dragons? I’ll have to check it out after you!” Dean has always been a sucker for tales of fantasy and anything with a dragon is a literary masterpiece to him. 

Cas smiles. “I’ll make sure to hide it for you.”

They both grin, remembering the last time they got chewed out by the librarian for deliberately putting books in the wrong spot so no one else could find them. 

“You going to the game Friday?” Dean asks as he continues to eat. 

The mention of it makes Cas wrinkle his nose. He’s never been a fan of sports and has nothing but bitter memories of his older brothers’ hectic schedules and stinky laundry and late nights spent shivering on cold metal bleachers while people kick, throw, and hit balls in every such direction. 

It was not what Cas would consider the ideal way to spend a Friday night. 

But then Dean had joined the soccer team. At first, Dean hadn’t been happy about it either, knowing his mom was making him do it as a way to blow off some of that 12-year-old energy. But over time, Dean has come to actually enjoy the sport and his teammates, likes the competition, the motivation it gives him to keep working and building his skills. 

And Cas likes anything that makes Dean happy.

“I’ll be there,” Cas says at last, not trying to hide his put upon sigh. “But will it take forever like the last one.”

“Depends on how good the other team is,” Dean says.

“Then I hope they’re just awful because I would like to get home before it becomes an ice age again.” It was getting too late in the fall for these kinds of games and Cas could only carry so many blankets into the stadium. 

Dean chuckles and reaches over to Cas’s tray to pluck some of his fries. “Told you to join the cheer squad. They always manage to stay warm,” Dean teases, his eyes sparkling, and he tosses the fries into his mouth.

Cas rolls his eyes and whispers, “Thief,” but then smiles. “And I’m not joining the cheer squad. I would look awful in those skirts.”

Dean laughs, head thrown back and eyes watering, and Cas watches, a voice deep in the back of his mind whispering about how he hopes he can always have Dean like this even if he’s too young to understand what that means. 

High School

No one ever talked about how oddly relaxing school dances could be. Cas has always avoided them, always believing they were loud overwhelming affairs, too hot and too crowded. And they certainly are, he notes as he steps into the high school gymnasium transformed into an impressive ballroom for their senior prom. But there’s something about the volume of the music, the darkness, the heat... it’s like being deprived of your senses and so Cas is able to quietly melt into the background, surrounded by people he’s known all his life and yet alone at the same time and he just watches.

He watches friends and couples dance, line up for picture, toast sparkling cider in their plastic glasses like this is the last and greatest night of their lives.

Dean finds him at some point, face covered in sweat and grumpily pulling at his collar.

“I’m so fucking glad I never have to come to another one of these again,” he grumbles before stealing Cas’s water bottle and guzzling half of it.

Cas smirks and eyes the crowd. “I think it’s charming.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Because it’s your first and only high school dance. Trust me, the charm wears off by your second one.”

“But this one is different, isn’t it? It’s just for us. The tired seniors about to embark on the journey of adulthood.”

“I guess so?” Dean shrugs and turns so they’re pressed shoulder to shoulder. “Where’s Meg?”

“Making out with someone somewhere,” Cas says, waving his hand toward the locker rooms. “Said it was one of her last chances to finally get through the sad art kids before they go discover what a personality is.”

Dean throws his head back and laughs. “Carpe fucking diem.”

Cas hums. He knew the risk of being ditched was high when he invited Meg to accompany him to the dance as a friend. Well, really when Meg made him ask her because, as she had reminded him so kindly, just because you can’t find a date with a dick doesn’t mean your gay ass can’t suffer with the rest of us. No one could ever accuse Meg or being unthoughtful.

She didn’t need to know that Cas had had his eye in a date. The perfect date, really. Someone he’s known since he was five. But someone he also couldn’t have because, well...

“Where is Lisa?”

Dean snorts and glances around the gym. “Hopefully somewhere with her friends forgetting who the came with.”

“Do I sense relationship problems?” Cas asks, trying to sound concerned but playful.

“Yes... no,” Dean amends. “I mean...” He runs a hand through his hair, letting it rest on the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I think I just haven’t been feeling it for a while? I actually kinda... wanted to break up.”

“With Lisa?”

Dean nods and Cas can see his shame, feels his own shame for the coil of excitement warming in his chest.

“Why did you come with her?” he makes himself ask.

“Because she asked me to prom before I could end things and I didn’t want to be a dick. But I think I’ve just made myself a bigger dick by leading her on?”

Cas can only hum and nod gravely like he understands. He’s never had to deal with relationships, one of the few reliefs when you’re one of the few gay kids at your school. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to do the right thing,” he assures his friend.

“Even...” Dean starts rubbing his neck, nervous now. “Even if it’s because I think I might... like someone else?”

Well this is interesting news. “Does Dean Winchester have a crush?”

It’s not that Dean’s never had a crush before, but with his looks and personality they never had to wait long before something came of it (i.e. Lisa, Tessa, Anna, even Cassie from sixth grade — that one had stung for reasons Cas had been too young to understand).

Dean glowers at the teasing. “Don’t be a jerk. It’s... I really like them. I think I’ve liked them for a long time.”

“Like a few weeks?” Cas hedges, trying to get a grip on both his and Dean’s emotions. “Months?”

“Um,” Dean looks away, “more like years?”

“Years?” Cas nearly shrieks. “Dean that’s really significant. And you never told me?”

“I didn’t really figure it out until a little while ago. It’s... hard to explain.”

He’s looking at the floor so intently, hands into his pockets now and Cas knows a defeated Dean Winchester when he sees one. Whoever this person is, they’ve done a number on his friend without even realizing it.

“Dean,” Cas says at last. “You know you don’t have to tell me anything, but if you ever want to talk about it, I’m always here for you.”

Dean nods. “Yeah. I know, Cas. Thanks.”

The way Dean says it is as if Cas’s offer is fruitless and it hurts to think that he can’t help his friend.

Dean looks up suddenly, eyes guarded and pensive ans Cas doesn’t look away. Dean is thinking about something, deeply and carefully, weighing his options. Cas knows because he’s seen this look when Dean is playing soccer, trying to figure out the best next five moves. He’s always been a critical thinker, scarily so.

“Cas, I-”

“Dean!”

Cas doesn’t even have to look to know it’s Lisa, could recognize her pleasant tone anywhere. What does surprise him is Dean’s reaction because he practically bristles at his girlfriend’s voice. And he doesn’t look away.

“Dean?” Cas asks carefully, eyes shifting to wear Lisa and her friends stand just outside the throng or dancers, looking at them expectantly. “Lisa is calling for you.”

Dean’s eyes close and when they reopen, gone is heavy burden of his unmade decision. He looks crushed. Lost. And then smiles. “Yeah, I guess I better go.”

“I’ll be here,” Cas calls after him, more than a little confused at the way Dean walks way from like like he’s marching toward his death.

He’s left alone again with nothing to do but ponder the news that Dean has a crush. A pretty big one from the sound of it. He can’t help but wonder who she could-

Wait. Them. Dean has said them, not specially she. Interesting.

Before he can think more of it, Meg crashes into him and he can smell the liquor on her breath before she even speaks.

“I take it sad art boy and his friends managed to sneak something in?” Cas asks.

Meg just grins. “We all have our role to play,” Meg says. “And speaking of roles, I’m about to roll out.” She thumbs over her shoulder to the the doors.

“Will you be safe?”

Her snort is not surprising. “Please. I had like one beer. I’ll be fine, Cas.”

Cas doesn’t bother to argue. Meg has always been bullheaded and impulsive but never reckless. “Okay. Call me when you’re home if you remember.”

She stretches out on her tiptoes and smacks a kiss on his cheek. “No promises!” And then she’s gone.

The dance starts to wind down in another half hour, the music slowing and inviting couples to wrap each other close and sway.

Something in Cas’s chest drops as he watches the show of high school love and affection, marvels at how simple it looks but knowing just how complicated and nerve-wracking it truly is.

And how he’ll never have it.

Deciding that’s his cue to leave, Cas finally pushes himself away from the wall and starts for the door.

“Wait, Cas!”

He turns when he hears his name and waits for Dean to catch up with him. He frowns when he sees the near panic in his friend’s eyes.

“Dean? What’s wrong?”

“Are you leaving?” Dean asks instead.

“Yes? Figured I’ve experienced about all I can at a dance by myself. Are... you leaving?”

“No- I mean- I wanted to uh...” he trails off, hand rubbing his neck again.

“Dean?” Cas asks again, carefully.

Dean’s shoulders shoot back and he sucks in a deep breath before looking Cas in the eye and asking, “Cas, do you want to dance with me?@

It takes Cas a moment to decipher the words and even once he knows what Dean said he’s still not sure what Dean meant.

“I... what?”

“Dance,” Dean repeats, face falling. “I understand if you don’t want to but I- I wanted to ask.” He starts to back away. “I’m sorry, I’ll just-”

“Dean,” Cas says, just barely catching his friend before he can escape. Dean is terrifyingly still in his grasp and when he looks back at Cas with fear and apprehension, pieces start to fall into place. Cas smiles. “I would love to dance with you.”

They stay near the outside, not really interested in sharing this moment with their classmates. It’s awkward at first, neither sure where to put their hands until Cas finally decides to wrap around Dean’s shoulders and Dean’s arms naturally fall around Cas’s waist.

They sway slowly, not attempting any turns or fancy steps, it’s enough to just hold each other.

“I know this isn’t the time to ask...” Cas starts slowly and hates himself for asking at all, but it will drive him insane if he doesn’t. “But where is Lisa?”

Dean blushes something furious. “She went home with her friends.”

“Oh.” Cas nods. “Is you two... okay?”

“We broke up,” Dean confesses. “I told her I might... be interested in someone else. That there’s always been someone else.”

Cas’s breath hitches and he looks down at his toes where Dean’s word have warmed his entire body. He feels like he’s tingling all over, body alight with excitement and longing and every feeling he’s ever kept repressed and secret.

“Hey, Cas?”

Cas looks up and before he can blink there are lips on his, so soft and Cas’s enter body temples under it, under the weight of his first kiss with the first boy he’s ever loved.

He thinks even saints don’t get moment’s this perfect.

When the kiss ends, they’re both blushing.

“I-I- I’m sorry,” Dean sputters. “I should have- shouldn’t have asked before...”

Cas feels a little drunk, his body looser than before and leaning closer, until their lips just barely brush again and he whispers with all his affection, “Thief.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “Bad habit.”

Cas pushes his lips closer, taking a kiss for himself. “Never stop.”

College: cas steals dean’s sweater

The alarm clock is utterly unpleasant and Cas feels no remorse slapping it into snooze mode multiple times. Until he sees the wrong number in the hour position and has to scramble up. He starts throwing on clothes before running to the bathroom to brush his teeth and throw some water in his face.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Dean greets from the kitchen as Cas barrels out of the bedroom.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Cas snaps, struggling to slide his shoes on.

Dean arches an unimpressed brow. “Because I would like to live to see the grand old age of 22.”

Cas just rolls his eyes and starts looking for his backpack. At a whistle, he turns to Dean who is holding it along with a thermos and some toast in a napkin. “There’s a granola bar and an apple in your bag too.”

Cas is not unused to Dean’s we’re gestures but he still finds himself tearing up as he slows down for the first time since his feet hit the ground and approaches his boyfriend.

“What would I do without you?” he asks, burying his face in Dean’s neck.

“Probably starve,” Dean says lightly. “Other than that though, you’d be fine.”

“No,” Cas argues. “Not even a little.”

He shifts so he can kiss Dean, short and sweet but just as loving as their first and hundreth.

Dean’s hands have fallen to his hips he he looks down with a dopey smile, eyes lighting up. “Is that my sweater?”

Cas looks down and recognizes Dean’s high school soccer hoodie. “Oh. I hadn’t realized.”

“Now whose the thief?” Dean teases.

Cas rolls his eyes and steals another kiss for good measure before accepting Dean’s offerings. “I’ll see you later. Thank you!”

“Love you,” Dean calls after him.

“Loved you first,” Cas returns, smiling and dashing out the door.

#spnstayathome #monday 3: thief #destiel #deancas #drabble #fic #au #friends to lovers #first kiss #childhood friends #fluff

[curvydolleros]

How Shaggy met Scooby

Young Plus Size Reader x Young Micheal Kelso

I kind of wanted to explain how Kelso and Y/n meet, because I feel like it’ll make more sense why they act the way they do together in comparsion to when they are w/  the rest of the group. Hopefully you like it! ( the Hyde x Plus Size Reader fic should be done by Monday 😅). Sorry if it’s a little out of character, I promise Kelso is gonna be the goof he is when they’re older. Again sorry if it’s a bit cringey I still getting the hang of this.. :) -  💡

(f/b/b/n) - 1st big brother’s name

(s/b/b/n) - 2nd  big brother’s name

(italicized words are their thoughts)

                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~✿~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n L/n met Micheal Kelso the summer before eighth grade while she was at the park with her family.

She had walked over to him with her Scooby-Doo stickers as a peace offering, she had been a shy girl but she decided that she wanted to get a fresh start in Point Place.

Kelso had been kicking at rocks when he noticed the chunky (h/c) haired girl come up to him. He stood up straighter and tried to look as friendly as possible.

When there were only 4 feet of distance between them both teens stared awkwardly at each other, 

“ I was wondering-”

“Hi I-” 

They both smiled at each other, “ Uh you go first, man.”, he told her happily. She still had the Scooby-Doo stickers in her hand, “ So I was just wondering if you… um..maybe might want to have a sticker?”. 

Great job y/n how embarrassing can you be?!, before she could have a full freak out in her head, “ Far out, man I love that show! Can I have a Shaggy one?” blinking she quickly handed him the sticker and went to introduce herself. 

“ I’m y/n l/n! I uh just moved her from (h/t) and I’m trying to um make some new friends ya know.” she was so proud of herself for not completely stumbling over her words. “ That’s so cool! I’m Micheal, but my friends call me Kelso.”

“ Do ya want to chill with me on the bench, y/n?” he asked as he put the sticker she had given him in the wallet his dad had given him for his 14th birthday. He waited for her reply a little anxiously, of course, he loved the gang but they weren’t always the nicest to him and they liked to joke about him being dumb, maybe y/n would be his friend and they could be nice to each other. “ Yeah! I mean… yeah, that would be groovy.” she had never been happier than she was at that moment. As they made their way to the park bench the two new friends turned to talk. 

“ So how come you chose Shaggy? Most um people think he’s kind of a Spaz.” y/n didn’t mean anything by that just that she thought a guy like Micheal or Kelso would like Fred because he was the handsome one or Daphne because of how beautiful she was. “ I guess cause he’s kind of the annoying goon who no one except Scooby takes seriously but uh...I mean he’s a cool dude.” his new friend looked down at her sticker sheet and peeled the Scooby-Doo one off of it and onto her cheek. “Well then, I’ll be the Scooby to your Shaggy. Ya know cause he’s a cool dude.” she smiled widely and gave him a thumbs-up, Kelso looked at her with his eyes bulging from his head, that shocked look turned into a grin that matches his chubby counterpart.

“ That’s far out, man!” he yelled out in his excitement, he didn’t mean to be so loud but he couldn’t help it! His new friend had made him feel like he could do anything. He took out the Shaggy sticker and put it on his cheek and smiled at y/n.

They spent what felt like hours talking about the show and giggling at how silly their favorite characters were. After a while a nice silence came over them.

“ So Kelso, is there anything fun to do around here?” She asked as she kicked her feet, and looked up at the tall boy, “ Huh, usually I hang out with the gang at the Forman’s basement.”, This reminded Kelso that he had promised his friends that he would go over so they could talk about Pam Macy.

“Oh, uh that’s cool uh we could maybe hang out together...sometime?” not her best delivery but Kelso just smiled at her, something she was eternally grateful for. Maybe they could be best friends. So far he hadn’t made fun of her for her weight or called her a klutz so it was one of best days of her young life. “ That’d be far out, man! But I do have to head to meet up with the gang..” Kelso didn’t want to cut their conversation short but he also didn’t want to break his promise (he also thought Pam Macy was a hot chick, but that’s not the point). He noticed the change in his new friend’s demeanor “ But since I’m your Shaggy and you’re my Scooby, like maybe I should walk you home.” Kelso asked a little nervously, he wasn’t usually a shy guy but he didn’t want to mess this up! y/n seemed like a cool chick maybe Eric and Hyde would think so too! 

“ Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home, Kelso?”, y/n was normally a very shy and quiet person but her Kelso seemed to get each other, she didn’t need him to walk her home though, she came from a strong and overprotective family that wouldn’t be too happy if she got home with Kelso by her side. “ Well, sure I would feel better if I could walk you home… uh please?” 

Y/n took a minute to think it over, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if Kelso walked her home. She could just explain that he was a new friend that wanted to make sure she got home safe, so she nodded at Kelso and they started on their way to the chubby girl’s new home.

It wasn’t too long of a walk from the park to the blue house with a big moving truck parked out front. As they got closer, Kelso saw two muscular men carrying piles of moving boxes into the house that they were heading toward, No way could these huge buff guys be related to y/n not because she was ugly or anything, he thought she was cute, but they seemed like they would be able to break every bone in his body with a glare. He couldn’t imagine the sweet girl that gave him the sticker as a friendship offering as being related to these scary looking guys. They’re probably just movers, chill out Kelso.

“ Kelso? Michel? Uh Shaggy?” he hadn’t even noticed that he had stopped walking and had been standing behind the short chubby girl as she had been talking to him, in his moment of denial.” Hey man, are those buff dudes… like  movers or something?” y/n gave him a look of confusion and followed his gaze. She didn’t notice them at first, they had gone back into the moving truck, she glanced back at Kelso, but looked back at the truck and saw (f/b/b/n) and (s/b/b/n) step out and stare back at her. She waved and (s/b/b/n) waved back while (f/b/b/n) glared at the suspicious man (at least in his eyes) by  his little sister’s side. 

“ Oh, yeah! Those are my big brothers the rest of my family should be inside I think.” Kelso was still hiding behind her and she tried not to laugh, sure her brothers were muscular but they were big softies, add that to the  fact that Kelso was practically using her as a human shield. “I’m going to head in Kelso, I’ll see ya later!” she yelled to him as she hurried to her front door, a little laugh escaped her mouth and Kelso snapped out of his scared trance and yelled back, “ Catch ya later, y/n!” he smiled as he made his way to the Forman’s.

It was the start of the best friendship of all time, y/n had spent the whole night happily telling her family about her new friend.

Her new friend had stuck his scooby sticker back in his wallet before Hyde could tear it up or call him a sissie, something he couldn’t let happen because he wanted to remember this day forever. 

#micheal kelso #steven hyde x reader #steven hyde x plus size reader #that 70's show imagine #that 70s show #imagines #love imagines #platonic #kelso #friendship fic #best friends #shaggy and scooby #x plus size reader #plus size #reader #hyde x #hyde x reader #friendship #that 70s show fic #happy fic #first meet fic #first meeting #silly fic #sorry if it sucks #first fic #scooby doo reference #stickers

[zuucc]

SOMEONE YOU LOVED: W. Nylander I FLUFF/SMUT

Words: 8K

Angst meter: I wrote the word tear(s) 25 times (honorable mention: heart - 19 times)

Summary: Being in a relationship with a professional hockey player wasn’t easy. In fact, it was too hard. To protect your heart, you’d ended the relationship. Having had you to fall back on during the hardest time of his career, William now found it hard to cope when life got too hard - now that he didn’t have you.

Author’s note: I’ve had the song “Someone you loved” by Lewis Capaldi on repeat for two four weeks straight and this angsty shit is the result of that. Also, I started this before Babcock was fired (THANK THE GODS). Hope you like it<3

Special thanks to @mcdraisaitl​ for not only being my spell check but also my personal thesaurus (unfortunately there are no synonyms for tear/s)

Masterlist linked in bio.

It was way too late for William to still be awake. The morning practice and his teammate’s waiting car getting closer every time he looked at the numbers on his phone screen. Too close. He was so ridiculously tired. There was no way he could keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds, but he still couldn’t sleep. He still couldn’t shut his brain off.

He didn’t understand why he had to go through all of this all over again. He’d been playing well enough, making assists in almost every game, scoring – making his teammates better. Still, he felt the same as the season before.

Terrible.

But this time it was worse, even if he felt he didn’t really deserve it this time. Last year he’d had someone to fall back on, someone who would hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. Last year he’d had someone to save him from his darkest thoughts, someone who helped him escape – made him laugh, and smile. Made him forget, just for a few hours.

Last year there was always someone waiting for him after his worst games, even if they weren’t there, at least they were just a phone call away. There was someone in his bed when he came home, opening their arms to hold him, or pressing their body against his for him to get lost in something else for once.

Last year he had you.

But you had left a long time ago. You left when it got too tough. When the challenges of being with someone who was never there, someone who would leave for weeks – for the entire summer – got too difficult to deal with.

You were two years deep into university when you’d met; the pressure of exams, lectures and a pending dissertation resting on your shoulders. Along with that you had a part time job and friends. And living as far away from your family as you did, had you holding onto those friendships for dear life. Making time for all that was hard, in general. But trying to make time for a boyfriend that had an even worse schedule than you made it even harder.

So you took the hardest decision you’d ever made and disappeared from his life. You left, with tears streaming down your face for days on end and the weight of not only having broken your own heart, but his as well. You’d protected yourself, protected your heart.

And he couldn’t blame you.

“I have to protect myself Will,” you’d cried, pressing one last kiss to his lips before you’d crawled out of his bed, throwing on your clothes that laid scattered all over the floor. He’d laid awake all night, tears falling silently down the side of his face and onto his pillow as he tried calling you for the twentieth time that night without any luck. And then he’d gotten up and gone on the longest flight to Sweden of his life. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried to his mom, but he’d broken down the second he got in her car at the airport.

That was nearly five months ago. William thought that maybe he’d gotten over you, but as soon as the hockey season started again, and life came crashing down on him again with the pressure of the entire city of Toronto looking over his shoulders, and a coach that only pushed him down further.

His mind returned back to what wasn’t there anymore to help him stay away from his darkest thoughts during the last season, the only one that could help him forget them. The one that had helped him get through last season and all that came with it... The one that made him feel so loved that whatever the media had said, or the comments on Instagram and Twitter said – what Babcock said - didn’t matter at all.

~

“Can I sleep here?” he asked.

To say you were at a loss for words was an understatement, already in shock when you opened the door and found your ex-boyfriend standing in the hallway of your apartment building.

“I don’t sleep anymore. I have a game tonight and I haven’t slept for even one second tonight because life is pretty shitty right now and you’re not there to fix it. Life is so fucking hard right now and I can’t sleep without you.”

His words break your heart all over again. You’d struggled for so long trying to forget him, that you broke his heart. You’ve never really forgotten him though. It’s pretty hard when his face is plastered all over the city – on a poster at the bus stop, or an ad on TV – his name on the back of someone who just walked past you. And every time you’re reminded of what you had together; and what you did to him.

You finally open the door fully, letting him step inside. He walks past you, kicking off his shoes and hanging up his coat before he takes your hand and leads you to your bedroom. He motions for you to lay down, and you do - opening your arms for him like you’d done so many times the year before - letting him rest his head on your chest while your legs tangled. Your hand found its way into his hair as his face nuzzled into your neck.

Your body tensed up as you felt the first tear soak through the thin material of your t-shirt, your arms tightening around him as you fought to keep your own at bay.

“I need you,” he weeps, letting his arm curl around your back and pull you to him.

“I know,” you swallow the giant lump in your throat, just barely getting the words out in a whisper before your resolve breaks and there’s a stream of tears cascading down the sides of your face.

Just a few minutes later his body starts to feel heavier on top of yours and you can hear his breaths change. And as he sleeps with his head on your chest and his leg intertwined with yours, you struggle to keep your crying from turning into sobs. You struggle to keep still and quiet and not let the overbearing regret, guilt, and heartbreak from seeing him again – from seeing first hand how badly you broke him – wake him up.

Somewhere in the middle of the four hours that you laid there, clinging onto his sleeping form, your roommate came home. The door wasn’t closed all the way and she opened it, peeking inside in confusion. As you met her eyes, more tears started streaming down your cheeks, and you lifted your hand from his hair to hold a finger against your lips, begging her to not say anything, and with a worried look she backed out again.

It was the least you could do. Just to let him sleep when you were part of the reason why he couldn’t.

He didn’t wake up before the smart watch on his wrist started buzzing, an alarm telling him that he needed to leave soon. He groaned, nuzzling his face into your neck for a second before he tore his body away from yours. Your eyes met, and you could tell that he noticed your blood shot eyes and wet cheeks by the way his face fell when he looked at you. His hand came up to your face, cupping your cheek in his big palm – a thumb coming up to catch the drop that fell from your eye. He then leaned in, placing a kiss on your salty, tear stained cheek, before whispering a “thank you” and leaving.

You finally let the sobs break through you once you hear the door close, and only seconds later your roommate is in your room pulling you into a hug.

“Hey, what happened? What was he doing here?” she asks, her voice soft and filled with worry.

“I broke his heart, Jess,” you cry, struggling to breathe through your sobs, “he’s struggling and I’m not there to help him. He came here asking if he could sleep here for Gods sake,” you choke out, “He hadn’t slept all night, and then five minutes in my arms and he sleeps for four hours,”

“Honey, you didn’t just break his heart when you broke off the relationship, you know that right?” Jess says, letting her fingers slide through your hair in a soothing manner.

“I broke mine, too,” you breathe, finally calming down.

“Yeah, and if you love him so much… why aren’t you with him?” she asks the question you’d answered so many times before.

“You know why, Jess,” you sigh, drying your face with the backs of your hands.

“Yeah, I know that you didn’t have time – that your schedule didn’t work with his – that finding time for him while also finding time for Uni, work, and friends was damn near impossible, I know. But you’re not in Uni anymore. You have your degree, and you have your nine to five job. You can fit him into your schedule. And even if he’s gone for a week or two for road trips, don’t you think it’s better than being miserable without him completely?”

You sigh again, trying to keep your breathing slow and steady as you let your roommate’s words sink in. You pride yourself with being right most of the time, but this time you thought maybe you weren’t. It was hard to admit but, like she said, being without him was harder.

You shove your phone into her hands before getting out of bed and dragging a chair over to your closet, climbing on top of it and reaching into the very back of the top shelf.

“Can you see if you can find me tickets to the game tonight?” you ask her, finally getting hold of the blue hoodie with the number 29 on its chest that he’d let you steal.

“What’s your plan?” Jess asks while searching for tickets on your phone.

“I’m going to put on this hoodie that I’ve neglected for nearly six months, then I’m gonna go to the game and hopefully not cry myself through it, and then I’m going to go find him after,” you explain, releasing a deep breath.

“And then?” she asks, looking up from your phone.

“And then we’ll talk,” you whisper, lifting the hoodie to your face, breathing in the very faint smell of cologne, that you could probably only smell because you knew it was there.

“I found a seat,” she says, breaking you out of your trance.

“Buy it. I don’t care where it is,” you tell her.

Jess hums, confirming that she was already in the process of doing so. You pull the old Toronto Maple Leaf hockey hoodie over your head, shoving your arms into its way too long sleeves and letting it fall down over your torso. Seeing it on you in the mirror sent tears running down your cheeks again.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Jess reacts quickly as you sit down on the bed, your head falling into your hands while you sob.

“He doesn’t even wear this number anymore,” you weep, leaning into her as she once again slides her arms around you.

“Hey, you’re gonna go to the game, and you’re gonna find him after and then you’re gonna talk and fix everything. And by the time you’re back here you’re gonna have a new hoodie with the number 88 on it, right?” she tries to cheer you up.

“But what if he doesn’t want me back? He might miss me and need me but I broke his heart… I left him,” you cry, overthinking everything in the hopes of not letting yourself get any expectations for the conversation you were hoping to have with your ex-boyfriend in a few hours.

“Babe, he came here to sleep in your arms, he- he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t want you back; hockey game tonight or not,” Jess tries, but you can’t let yourself believe her.

After having been force fed Chinese take out by Jess and after having washed your tear stained face at least four times, you make your way to the arena, taking the longest route you know just to give yourself more time to think about what you were going to say. The music playing on a low volume through your car speakers not exactly helping with lightening your mood. At some point the playlist shuffles to a song you can faintly remember William humming along to while he helped you make dinner sometime during the first months of your relationship and once again you’re crying.

You dry the tears off your face before leaving the car and making your way into the arena. You fight back the tears once again when you see him on the ice during warm ups, but make it through with glossy eyes. The game is harder to watch though, but you make it through that as well, only letting one tear slip when you see his tired face on the jumbotron.

You manage to get to the locker rooms, happy that the security guards are the same old men that were there the season before. All the wives and girlfriends are there waiting, but you stay as far away as possible in the hopes of going unnoticed. With the schedule that you already had trouble fitting in William, you’d barely met any of them – so you were most likely safe.

Alannah notices you, though, and makes her way over to you. Zach and William spent a lot of time together outside of the rink, and therefore you actually got to know her quite well. When you made it to games, she would make sure that you didn’t feel alone and that you were introduced to new people. But when you and Willy broke up, the contact between you faded away quickly.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” she asks.

Her voice is soft, though, and just the sound of it makes you want to cry. She sees your blood shot eyes and red cheeks and pulls you into a hug when your eyes gloss over with tears once more.

“Are you okay?” she forgets her first question and tries a new one.

You shake your head quickly, drying off a drop before it even leaves your eye.

“He came to my house today because he needed to sleep and he couldn’t without me,” you told her, answering her following questions and telling her your plans of hopefully making it all right again.

Zach isn’t as forgiving as his wife though, stopping in front of you with the same question as Alannah, just with an harsher tone. But he had every right to question you, to be mad at you. You’d broken his best friend’s heart and he was protective.

“She’s trying to make it right, Zach,” Alannah said softly, whispering you a quick ‘good luck’ with a squeeze of your hand before leading her husband away.

William comes out just a second later, freezing in the middle of the hallway when he sees you. Tears are spilling down your cheeks the second your eyes meet, and he walks over to you. Your arms are thrown around his neck as soon as he’s close enough and he pulls you into a tight embrace.  

“Can we talk?” you whisper, finally letting go of him when you feel him nod.

You step away from him and his hands come up to your face, drying your wet cheeks. He then takes your hand in his and leads you out of the arena. You follow him back to his place, and just seeing the building in front of you makes you want to start crying again – but you’re not sure you have any tears left.

You stand in silence in the elevator, neither of you ready to talk just yet. His arm slides around your shoulders a few floors into the elevator ride, and by the time it’s stopping, your body is flush against his and his lips is pressing a kiss into the top of your head. He leads you to his apartment with his hand in yours, even if you remembered exactly which door belonged to him.

Inside you’re lead to the couch where you wait for him while he changes out of his suit. Being back in his apartment brings back so many memories that you’ve tried so hard to forget, just sitting on his couch almost rips at your heart again – the memories of lazy nights with take out on the table and Netflix on the TV, cuddling after breakfast, and kissing him goodbye when he would sit on the couch with some kind of game on in front of him. The memories of your first time together comes flooding next, the images of lazy kisses on the couch turning desperate and being carried into his bedroom.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts when William comes back, a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants having replaced his suit. He sets down a glass of water in front of you before he sits down next to you.

“You wanted to talk?” he says, urging you on.

You nod, fighting the lump in your throat that’s keeping you from actually talking.

“I’ve thought about what I was going to say to you every second since you fell asleep on my chest today, but I still don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry,” you start, taking a sip of your water.

It’s not a great start, but it’s a start.

“I’m sorry that I left you. It was hard being with you because of our schedules but I think being without you has been a lot worse,” your voice is barely above a whisper but he listens.

“I’ve tried so hard to forget you, forget what I did to you, but it’s not fucking easy when I’m reminded of your existence everywhere I go,” you have somehow been able to keep calm, but you’re not sure if you can keep it up much longer, “Then you showed up today and it was like being smacked in the face with everything all over again – with breaking your heart, my own heart – with how much I still love you,” you tell him, somehow still remotely calm, but silent tears are sliding down your face.

He’s been looking down the whole time, just barely looking up for a second or two, but now he’s looking up – meeting your eyes. The sad look in his eyes has the tears spilling with more force.

“I love you so much,” you sob and he reaches out, pulling you closer and hugging you to him, “I’m so sorry,” you choke out and cling onto him with your arms around his neck.

He holds you until you calm down again, until you stop shaking, the tears stop coming.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, his fingers running through your hair, “And I miss you so much, especially now that I’m having a hard time again - I’m just reminded that you’re not here like you were last year,” he tells you, his voice low and soft as he keeps you close, arms firm around your body.

It surprises you how openly he talks about his feelings; still. It had taken you a long time to break down his walls, to get him to talk to you, but it seems the walls were still crumbled for you.

“I want to be here again,” you breathe, pulling back far enough to look at him. His eyes are filled with worry as he looks at you, and he’s just barely able to keep his eyes focused on yours, “I don’t want to be without you anymore, and I wanna be here for you,” you tell him, your voice a little bit stronger.

You move your hand to cup his cheek, and he looks away with glossy eyes.

“If you’ll have me,” you add, watching as a single tear slides down his cheek.

“I’d take you back no matter what,” he sighs, his head falling to rest against your shoulder. “Because that’s how much I love you,” he adds, and it feels like your heart is breaking for the hundredth time today. “I just need to know that you’re not gonna do that again, please,” he says, his voice so low and vulnerable that it brings tears to your eyes once again. “I love you so fucking much, and it wouldn’t have mattered what you did because I’d take you back anyway – fuck, I’ve already taken you back – but I need to know if I can trust you to not leave me again. I can’t go through that, not again,” his voice is strong, even if there’s a wet stream down each of his cheeks.

You climb onto his lap, straddling his hips and pulling him into a hug – his arms sliding around your waist in an embrace not even seconds later. You pull back slightly, placing your hands on each of his cheeks, your eyes meeting his and you just sit there for a couple of seconds, just gazing into each other’s eyes. You don’t know what he’s looking for, but it looks like he’s searching for something. Truth? Any sign that you don’t mean what you’re saying?

But then his eyes flicks to your lips, and you’re pressing yours to his in a heartbeat. It’s slow and deep, and long. His arms tighten around your waist and you hold him to you with the best of your strength. The next kiss is with more force, harder, but somehow so soft and vulnerable. You lean back and away from the kiss, his lips following you, begging for more.

“Wait,” you stop him, pressing your forehead to his and letting your hands slide back and into his hair.

His eyes clench shut and you pull him back into a hug, letting him rest his head on your shoulder again.

“I’ll stay. I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me,” you start, feeling his arm tighten around you again, his face pressing into your neck. “The fact that I hurt you hurts just as much as being without you hurts me, and I’ll live with that guilt for a long time. But I’m here to stay, and I’ll love you with everything that I have and everything that I am,” you whisper, your fingers running through his hair.

“But what if it gets hard again?”

“My situation is so different now than it was before. I was finishing university, I had friends that I was terrified to lose because of my family being so far away, and I had to take every shift that I could just so that I would be able to both pay my rent and buy necessities – a relationship just didn’t fit into the equation, especially when there were weeks when you were gone, and when you finally came back I had an exam to study for or essays to write,” you tell him. “But now I’m done with all that. I have a job with steady pay that’ll never make me pick up an extra shift. I have a nine to five job that’ll never keep me longer. Half my friends have moved away, some of them I don’t even talk to anymore. It doesn’t even matter, you’re more important anyway. I have time now. For you- for us,” you make him look at you again.

“I know that you’ll still be gone a week or two, but I can manage. I can’t not have you in my life anymore though. And I’ll do everything in my power to make you trust me again, to make you understand how much I love you,” you finish and his lips are pressed to yours again.

He kisses you desperately, his hands traveling all over in hopes of touching every single piece of you he’d missed after having been without you for six months. You still remember the last time you had sex, the night of all heartbreak and regrets. It was slow and desperate all at the same time, much like your actions now.

Every now and then his hands stop moving, and yet he somehow pulls you even closer, kissing you deeply as he holds you. You let him take it all out on you, his feelings – anger, hurt, love; maybe some combination of the three. It all comes out in desperate kisses and lingering touches.  

“Will you just stay here tonight?” he asks, his voice barely audible, his forehead pressed against yours.

And even if you’ve told him that you would stay forever if he’d let you, even if you’re offering to love him with all your might, he still asks you to stay like you’re leaving in the morning and never coming back.

“Yes, I promise,” you say, as clearly and confidently as you possibly can with the weight of your lost trust on your chest.

You climb out of his lap, planting your feet on the floor again. With his hands in yours you pull him up as well, and the two of you make your way through the apartment like you used to before, without a word being exchanged. You make sure the door is locked, while he takes the empty glasses to the dishwasher. You switch off the lights on your way to his bedroom, and while he stops to move some stuff off his bed you make your way into his en-suite.

The sight in front of you tugs at your heartstrings for what’s probably the tenth time that day, and you’re frozen in your spot in front of the mirror. William’s voice is what snaps you out of your trance, even if his voice is low and soft, shy and almost defensive.

“I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away,” he says, motioning to your old toothbrush that’s still taking up space in the cup with his own, along with the toothpaste.

You can feel his body coming up behind you and you immediately turn around and bury your face in his chest, letting his arms embrace you.

“I’ll get you a new one tomorrow,” he whispers into your hair, like the issue at hand is the fact that your toothbrush is over six months old - not the fact that he still has it after six months.

“Come on, let’s get ready,” he whispers into your hair, placing his hand on your neck, tilting your head up with his thumb placed on your jaw.

He looks stronger – more secure, but still vulnerable when he tilts his head to the side as he studies your face before he leans down and kisses away the stray tear on your cheek. His other hand moves from your waist to your face, pointer finger lightly stroking a few strands of hair behind your ear, then using his hand to guide your lips to his. He kisses you softly, once or twice. And then another kiss placed on your forehead before he places his hands on your shoulders, turning you around and leading you the rest of the way over to the sink. You brush your teeth together, and he hands you a fresh towel after you wash away the tear stains.

You hang the towel and when you turn back to him, he’s watching you. You smile softly when you meet his eyes, and it warms your heart when a smile tugs at his lips as well. He pulls you into him by your hips, placing a kiss on your lips before pulling back again.

“You know, I don’t wear this number anymore,” he smiles, even though there’s a sad truth behind his words.

“I know,” you chuckle, “that was the reason behind one of many breakdowns today,” you tell him, returning his smile.

Your words has him pulling you into a hug, “I’m sorry if me showing up today made everything worse for you,” he mumbled into your hair.

You sigh, hugging him harder, “It was a lot, and it has been a tough day, but I’m happy you did. I’m here now, and I wouldn’t have been if you didn’t,” you tell him, pulling back to look at him.

“It has been a tough six months,” William sighs, and you’re immediately pulling him back into the hug – this time your hands are around his neck.

“Yeah, and I’ll never stop apologizing for it,” you sigh in return.

His lips touch your neck, and you find yourself nuzzling into the crease between his shoulder and his neck, breathing in the smell of him.

“I love you,” he whispers, both the feeling of hearing him say those words and his breath and lips moving against your skin gives you goosebumps.

“I love you, too, baby,” you hum, the pet name just slipping out so naturally. His arms tighten around you and his lips press another kiss to your neck – a lingering one.

He pulls back, his hand coming up to push the hair out of your face while he still holds you close. You can’t read the look on his face, but a small smile tugs his lips upwards before they’re pressed to yours. The kiss is soft at first, but after a deep intake of breath, he comes back stronger – with more force. With one hand curled around you, holding you close with his flat palm on your lower back, his other hand travels up your body until it’s positioned on the back of your neck, fingers tangled in your hair as his kisses advance to the next level.

You’re clinging to his t-shirt, asking yourself if it’s too early to let your hands wander underneath the fabric. While you ponder, your kisses became more demanding and you can feel his tongue on your bottom lip as you’re already opening your mouth, waiting to feel his tongue against yours. The hand on your back moves up, arm sliding around your waist and you’re pulled even closer, to the point where you’re on your toes to accommodate the height difference between you two. You hum against his lips, loving the feeling that having his body so close to yours gives you. Your hands disappear underneath his shirt finally, palms spread flat on his back, his defined muscles moving underneath your fingers as his arms move to touch you all over.

Your hands slip away from him when he bends down and grips the back of your thighs, lifting you up and letting you lock your legs around his waist. You’re carried into the bedroom where you’re placed onto the bed, his body following closely after. His lips find their way back to yours immediately, open mouthed kisses and tongues sliding against each other as his body presses to yours. Before you let your fingers tangle in his hair, you find the hem of t-shirt, pulling it up to the point where he gets up on his knees to pull it over his head and throw it to the floor.

You admire his body in the low lighting, the room just barely illuminated by the still open door into the en-suite, where you’d left the light on. Before his body pushes close to yours again, you let your fingers slide over his torso, to his chest and up his neck, until they end up on each side of his face. You bring him back to you, lips meeting in another open mouthed kiss. His hands find their way underneath the hoodie that once had been his, his big palm moving over your skin as he’s hovering over you. Your eyes meet for a second before he sits back on his knees and uses both his hands to rid you of both the hoodie and the t-shirt you had on underneath. As soon as it’s off, you start the process of taking off your jeans, popping open the bottom and sliding the zipper down. William takes over, slowly pulling them off your legs one leg at the time.

With a strong arm around your waist, he manages to move you underneath the comforter, following closely after as soon as he’s ridded himself of his sweats. This time, when his lips touch yours, it’s not desperate. Your kisses are slow and soft. His hand slides down your side while his lips stay glued to yours, every emotion poured into the way he touches you and the way he kisses you. Curling your leg over his hip, you pull him closer to you – the motion has his hardened member pressing into your thigh, making you moan softly into the kiss.

While you arch into him, searching for more, his hand slides to your back, finding the clasp of your bra. You help him get the straps of your arms, and he lets your bra fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes. Rolling to the side, he slides his thigh further up between yours, making you moan against his kiss. Missing the sounds he would make in the dark on nights just like this one, you let your hand slide down his torso, moving over his abs and all the way down to his hardened member – covering the bulge with your hand, giving him a little sense of pleasure.

The sound escaping his lips, vibrating against yours, sends another wave of warmth and need through your body. Your hands on him and his bare body pressed against yours must have the same effect on him as it has on you, making him press his body even closer to yours as he deepens the kiss and his hold on you tightens. His palm covers one of your boobs, your nipple soon pinched between his thumb and pointer finger. The action has you gasping, making it possible for William to slip his tongue into your mouth again.

He’s rolling over you and kissing down your neck as his hands wander further down your body. One of his hands slip down your back and into the back of your underwear, pushing you against him while he simultaneously roll into you, making his need for you more known. One of his long fingers slip between your legs, feeling the wetness between your thighs. This has another soft moan slip from your lips, and you can feel the result of your effect on his body.

Desperation takes over and your panties are being pulled down your thighs. As soon as they’re off, he’s moving to lay between your legs, rolling his hips into yours while his lips are back on yours in a deep and open mouthed kiss that has you clenching your legs around him in the hopes of some release.

No words are being said, but he knows exactly what you need. One hand slips between your bodies, two fingers slipping inside you as he pulls his lips from yours only to continue leaving kisses down your neck and chest. He spends time on both your nipples before continuing his trail of kisses down your torso while his two fingers are sliding in and out of your soaking hole. Your fingers clench in the hair on top of his head immediately – naturally – as he finally reaches the place that needs him most right now.

His tongue slides up your slit, finding your clit expertly, as if you hadn’t been apart for six months. His lips closes around your sensitive nub and with the help of his thick fingers, your thighs are closing around his head and you’re already balancing on the edge of your climax. He knows the signs still, having memorized the unique sounds of your different moans and the way your insides clench around him, and how your body tenses before you’re about to hit your high a long time ago. He knows what the desperate but soft moan that slips from your throat means, especially when it’s combined with your fist tensing in his hair – he knows that if he pushes the tips of his fingers against your g-spot and sucks on your clit, you’ll come.

So he does, and he pushes himself up from being mostly hid underneath the blanket just in time to watch you while you’re still in it. And with his fingers still inside you, he makes it last longer, makes another couple of breathy moans fill his ears. You open your eyes and they immediately find his, and within a second his lips are on yours in an open mouthed kiss, letting you taste yourself. He leaves a trail of wet kisses down to your ear, and he listens to you gasp as he lets his fingers slide out of you.

“I could listen to you cumming all night long,” he mumbles, the first words shared between you since before you left the bathroom. His words making another breathy moan slip out of you. He kisses your jaw before he pulls back a few inches, leaning on one arm as he places a hand on the side of your cheek, brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Most beautiful sound I know,” he breathes, a small smile on his lips as he watches your cheeks heat up.

You shake your head lightly with a smile tugging at the ends of your lips, sliding your arms around his neck and pulling him back down and into a deep kiss. A couple of minutes with your lips on his and you’re tugging at his boxers, pushing them as far down as you possibly could from your position under his much bigger body.

While he works on kicking off the last article of clothing keeping you apart, you curl fingers around his shaft, watching his reaction as his movements halt and he clenches his eyes shut for a second. Once he manages to get rid of his boxers, he surges forward – attaching his lips to yours. Simultaneously you spread your legs wider for him, and he takes over – replacing your hand with his. He teases your entrance with letting the head of his hardened member slide through your folds. You gasp, your mouth on his, and he slides into you fully – his hand coming to cup the side of your face again.

When you’re both accustomed to the feeling, his lips press to yours, the hand on your cheek holding you to him as he pours everything into the kiss. Once he’s ready, his fingers move down the side of your body, reaching behind your thigh and hiking it up over his hip. He starts moving, pulling out almost all the way before he pushes back in. He finds a steady rhythm, kissing you deeply while you keep your hands in his hair.

Everything contributes to the feeling of being completely full – being complete; His lips on yours, his beard softly scratching against your face, his calloused hands on your body, his grip on your thigh, his breath against you, his chest against yours. And on top of that, being with him again. Being his and him being yours. Just knowing that he still loves you like you love him.

He sits back on his knees, bringing you with him and making sure he’s still deep inside you. He grabs your leg, and you think he might put it over his shoulder, like he used do when he wanted to go a little rougher, but instead he moved it to the other side where it could join your other leg. He swallows a groan as the new position has you clenching around him, but then he slides down behind you – his arm sliding under your head as he spoons you.

He pulls the covers back over the two of you, before he’s back to gripping your thigh – this time to help you hold your leg up as he starts moving again. He buries his face into your hair and neck, lightly biting at your skin as he muffles his moans and groans. Everything about the new position feels amazing. It feels close, and so good. And it feels like love. His arms around you, the way his arms are curled under your head and over your chest, holding you so close to him – it feels like being safe. Like you’re safe for the first time in half a year. And you wonder if it feels like that for him as well, or if it feels like exact opposite.

You unclench your fist, letting go of the sheet you’ve been holding onto for dear life. Instead you reach up and curl your fingers around his hand, hoping that he’ll feel as safe as you do. He kisses your shoulder, again and again, and every time you’re filled to the brim with how much you love him. And how much you’ve missed him.

“I love you,” you breathe softly, your voice so low and airy that you’re not sure if he heard you.

But he does. He let’s go of your thigh bringing his hand up to help tilt your head towards his, pressing his lips to yours as soon as he gets the chance – stopping his movements for a couple of seconds just to kiss you; to say it back; “I love you, too, so much,” he said between two kisses.

When he pulls back from the kiss, he pushes into you with more force. He rolls over you, to the point where you’re almost on your stomach. His hand slips down your torso, and all the way until he can put two fingers on your clit, in the hope to help you closer to your climax.

“I’m so close, baby,” he almost whines, his words vibrating as he’s speaking into the skin of your shoulder.

With his fingers working on your clit, a moan is the only answer you’re able to get out. Soon, he’s burying his face into your neck and hair again, clenching his teeth as he uses the last of his energy to send you over the edge with the use of his fingers combined with his thrusts.

As soon as he feels the familiar feeling of your insides clenching and unclenching, over and over again, around him, he lets go. His body feels heavy as he’s almost on top of you. His arms give out under him, and even if he’s heavy against you, you love it. You love that he’s there, that you can feel him. You love the way his heavy breath feels against your neck, the way his chest moves against your back with every breath he takes. And you love how he kisses your shoulder when he’s gathered enough strength and willpower to push himself off you.

But as soon as you turn around, he’s putting more of his weight back on you – much like he’d done earlier that day when he came to your apartment. Nuzzling his face into your neck, pressing his lips to the junction between your neck and your shoulder. You slide your arms around him in an embrace, pressing your lips to his forehead – like you wanted to this afternoon, but felt like you couldn’t. Or felt like it wasn’t your place.

You stay like that, your arms around him, fingers tracing soothing circles on his shoulder blade, until you have to get up and use the bathroom. You can feel his cum sliding out of you and onto your thighs, and you would rather not have it on the bed.

“Mm, get up,” you murmur, pushing at his shoulder.

“What? Why?” his head shoots up, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“I have to use the bathroom, Will,” you tell him in confusion, not sure why he’d reacted that way.

“Oh, yeah,” he nods, leaning on his arm to let you slide out from under him.

It’s first when you’re sitting on the toilet of his en-suite that you realize why he reacted that way. And you bite your lip as you try to swallow the ball that’s growing in your throat and making it hard to breathe. You can’t handle more tears for today, and you’re not sure you’ve got any left.

“Hey, you okay?” his almost naked form shows up in the doorway, meeting your eye in the mirror.

He’s put on a fresh pair of boxers, and he’s leaving a pile of both your clothes and his in his laundry basket, except for your jeans and your bra, which he hangs over the edge of the bathtub. You turn towards him, nodding bravely, just hoping that he’ll take it. You step closer to him, reaching up to slide your arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug, in which he pulls you into, tightly, with his arms around your waist.

“I’m gonna stay, I promise,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his jaw before you pull back, landing back down on your feet after having stood on the tip of your toes.

You leave him in the bathroom, planning on crawling back into bed. William follows you out after turning off the light and closing the door behind him.

“Do you want something to sleep in?” he asks, stopping by the door that leads into his closet.

“Yes, please,” you smile, and the side of his lip tugs up into what you assumed he meant to be a smile. It’s forced, and his reaction earlier is still burned into your mind, sending your thoughts into a spiral.

He comes out with a pair of boxers and a big t-shirt. You pull on the boxers, and even if you have the weight of your betrayal nagging in the back of your head, you can’t help but smile to yourself at the familiarity of the fabric and the memories that comes to mind – of the first time you stayed the night and you’d spent the entire next day in a pair of his boxers and a hoodie, because neither of you wanted you to have to leave his apartment. Next, he’s helping you put on the t-shirt, pulling it over your head and letting you shove your arms into the wide sleeves.

This time, when the side of his lip is tugged up to the side, it doesn’t look forced, and he leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, before pushing you towards the bed. You climb into the middle, laying down on your back and spreading out, inviting him to press his cheek to your chest. He smiles again, fully, climbing in after you – letting his strong arms slide around your waist but stopping to hover above you. His pointer finger runs over your cheek, brushing your hair behind your ear and letting his hand stay put on the side of your face while he kisses you sweetly.

“I love you,” he says, leaning in for another kiss before you can say the words back to him. This kiss lingers, leaving you with tingling lips as he lays down, placing his head on your chest.

“I love you, too, Will,” you hum, pressing your lips to his forehead and moving your arms around him, one hand resting on his back and the other on his bicep. “So much,” you add, deciding to take every chance you could to let him know how much you really did love him. He hums back, nuzzling into your neck and then he’s asleep.

~

“I really did a number on you, didn’t I?” you mumble, his head rested on your chest as you lay back on the many pillows of his bed, your arm over his shoulder, your palm rested flat over his abs.

It’s morning again and even if he fell asleep the second he closed his eyes, you barely got an hour of sleep, your mind racing all night. His silence confirms your statement.

“You wake up every time I move, turning around or lifting your head up, looking straight at me. I could be all tangled up with you and you still didn’t wake up when I got up to pee in the middle of the night or get up to go to school. It’s like you’re just unconsciously waiting for me to leave you again,” you speak, thinking about how the man who could sleep through a hurricane woke up every time you moved more than an inch.

“I’m not doing it on purpose. I can’t help it,” he whispers after a while.

“I know,” you breathe, kissing the top of his head. He takes your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips.

“It’s just that no one has ever hurt me like you did,” he starts, and you have to clench your teeth together to stop yourself from breaking out into sobs immediately. “But then again I have never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, squeezing your hand.

After a minute of silence he turns around, finding you with glossed over eyes, and the second your eyes meet his you can’t hold back any of the tears or the sobs for another second. You’re pulled into his arms, and he lets you cry it all out.

“I wish I could take it all back,” you sob, ”I’ll do everything in my power to make you trust me again,” you add, a little bit calmer.

“I know, baby, I know you will,” he coos, threading his fingers through your hair, kissing your tear stained cheek.

#william nylander imagine #william nylander smut #william nylander #hockey smut #hockey imagine #hockey #angst #writing #william nylander owns my ass

[anxiouslymalicious]

Losers Club Plus One Part 5

A Richie Tozier x daughter!reader series

To read the previous part, click here and for the complete Masterlist, go here.

A/N: I am so sorry this has once more taken so fucking long but things happened and then more things happened and then word and my computer crashed and I had to rewrite like a lot so here we are.

Anyway, thank you guys so much for all the sweet comments and messages and asks, I appreciate them all so much, I appreciate you guys so much. 

This has a word count of 3,000 ish words just for your information and there are descriptions of anxiety, however there is also some fluff in here that’ll hopefully make up for the little kind of angsty parts. 

Enjoy!

A pregnant, solemn silence took over the losers as they held the shower caps in hand, thoughts of Stan flooding each of them uncontrollably. Memories of the first time they admired Ben’s hard work that he told them was nothing. Remembering Richie and Eddie fighting over the hammock, even the smoke-hole ritual didn’t seem nearly as far away anymore.

Ben was sitting with Y/N, animatedly telling her about how much effort he had put into the small club house. Her eyes travelled over the construction, a wondrous gaze raking over the dusty items, the faded posters, the carvings and blemishes that the place had endured over the decades.

“This is fucking incredible.” She breathed. “You’re a genius”

Ben chuckled, tearing his own eyes away from what he had created at such a young age to look at the girl next to him. He, like many of the losers, hadn’t really taken the time to look at her. She didn’t look much like Richie, possibly she took after her mother more look-wise, but the way she talked, the way she acted, the swearing, the messy hair, were so much like her father, it was almost scary. Like a female version of teenager Richie had gotten lost in Derry ages ago, but never aged. Ben’s eyes fell onto a spider in the young girl’s hair, an involuntary grin spreading on his lips.

“What’s up Haystack?” asked Richie suddenly, effectively breaking the comfortable silence.

“Stan really was ahead of his time.” Ben replied, slowly trying to plug the spider away from the mop of hair on the girl. The girl shuddered when she spotted just what he was doing as the other losers chuckled. Those weren’t the happy, almost childlike chuckles Y/N had heard more times than not coming from the members. No. Those sounded broken and, although not watery, they were still thick with unshed tears. Tears they didn’t want to cry. Not again. Not out of disappointment or disrespect towards the man they grew up with, quite the opposite really. Remembering who he was as a kid also made each of them remember what a kind and compassionate soul Stan was. Smart, often acting more like an adult than a child, but the one thing that was crucial about Stanley was that he had reasons for doing what he did. Reasons he carefully thought about. So, although no one dared to speak, they knew that Stan had carefully thought about this and had a reason for doing what he did. They just couldn’t figure out said reason.

“Hey Mike, what are we doing here?” Richie spoke up, finally, diverting the attention, changing the painful topic to another dreadful one. One that scared each of them more than they would like to admit.

“The ritual. It requires a sacrifice.”

“As a sacrifice we can take Eddie.” Richie dryly said, motioning towards the smaller man who now looked at him in a state of shock and something Y/N would almost identify as fear.

“Wait what?” Eddie asked. As Ben, under his breath, mumbled ‘Peep-peep, Richie.’

“You’re little. You fit on a barbeque.” The taller man replied, making his daughter snort in shock. Ben ruffled up her hair at that, a smile on his lips at the sincere reaction of the teen.

“I’m average height in most countries.” Eddie waved Richie off, slightly offended at the comment. “Besides, why are we not sacrificing Y/N? She’s literally my height!”

“Because I still have hopes of growing taller, unlike you.” Y/N fought back, an incredulous smile on her face, trying to hinder the giggles bubbling up inside her from surfacing.

“It’s not that kind of a s-s-sacrifice.” Bill interrupted the bickering, much more serious than Y/N, Eddie and Richie had previously been.

“Your past is buried. But you have to dig it up. Piece by piece. And these pieces, the artefacts, that’s why we’re here. That’s what we have to sacrifice. And since Stan isn’t here to find his, I think that we should all be here together to find his artefact.” Said Mike, his voice dark, rough. Y/N knew that it was taking a toll on everyone to be back. How bad it was the first time around, she still didn’t know, but she was curious to find out. 

Her eyes travelled to Eddie, shower cap in hand, then to the tin can on the ground, next to his feet. She got up from her seat next to Ben and moved to sit next to Eddie instead, following his thought, and fishing one of the caps out of the can.

Both of them pulled the caps onto their heads. They shared a glance. Then, their eyes landed on Mike.

“I think we just did that.” Replied Eddie and Y/N nodded along.

One after another, the losers plus one climbed out of the club house, Y/N being the last, gratefully taking Mike’s hand in support. Hastily, she took a few deep breaths, her airways silently thanking her for finally breathing in fresh, clean air. It wasn’t bad, but she had to admit that breathing in the dusty and musty air was getting quite exhausting and she rarely appreciated the cool air in a forest as much as she did in that moment.

“Okay so where do we find our artefacts?” Eddie asked, nervously pacing over the soft soil. Mike took another second, making sure that the girl he had pulled up was alright on her own before considering Eddie’s anxious figure.

“Yeah, I gotta be honest, man,” Richie started, scratching the back of his head, his lips pressed into a tight line, “all due respect, this is fucking stupid, alright? Why do we need tokens, alright? We remember everything. Saving Bev, defeating IT, I mean we’re caught up.”

“That’s not everything.” Mike tried to calm Richie, get him to admit that he didn’t know as much as he liked to say. There were still things Richie, like the other losers, didn’t want to remember. “We fought. But what happened after that? Before the house at Neibolt?”

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Y/N, not knowing how to feel, stood behind Mike, watching the scene unfold. The group looked dumbfounded for a moment, not even remembering the fight. Slowly, carefully, she strolled a bit away from the group, not wanting to interfere with a moment like that, with a moment as important as that one would be. Once more, she felt like she didn’t belong and she almost started regretting even suggesting as much as following her father to Derry. But what choice did she have? It was in those moments that she felt pitiful for herself, for the lack of a mother, a family. Of course, she was incredibly thankful for her father. She loved Richie dearly, but there were certain moments when she really needed a female adult in her life. Like when she had gotten her first period. Oh lord, how uncomfortable and awkward she felt that day. And how much it hurt to know that her mother had just left her, not wanted her any longer when she was just a baby.

How much it hurt knowing that she didn’t have grandparents like the other kids in class.

How weird she felt when the only family pictures she could bring to primary school while other kids brought pictures of themselves with their grandparents, with their aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, whatever kind of family they had. She also remembered feeling shy in front of her father that day as she had to ask him about his parents for a homework assignment.

How lost she felt when Richie took her shopping for bras and other clothing. Richie did offer to ask one of his female friends to take her or ask her friends’ mothers to help her out, but Y/N refused. She would have felt even weirder going shopping for underwear with people she barely knew. Hell, she didn’t even want to take her friends in fear of being embarrassed.

The girl felt anxiety building up in her veins, her chest growing tighter, troubling her breathing. With nervous eyes, she searched for her father, who was vigorously shaking his head.

“I’m not letting her alone. I’m going to take my daughter with me.” Richie told Mike before stomping over to her, gently grasping her arms and making her sit down on a tree stump. Richie had noticed that his daughter was breathing unevenly, erratically. He was torn between staying and making a point to his friends and taking his daughter to a quiet place, away from all the trouble that caused her anxiety to skyrocket. The look she gave him was one he understood perfectly though. She didn’t want them to be alone.

“I gotta say… Statistically speaking, if you look at survival scenarios, we’d do much better as a group.” Eddie joined into the conversation, almost anxiously uttering his opinion. From the corner of his eye, he could see Y/N grasping her father’s arm tightly, eyes wide like a young doe, as she was fighting herself. None of the Losers dared to get close to her though, too afraid that Richie might lash out at them.

“Yes. Splitting up would be dumb, man. We gotta go together, alright? We were together that summer, right?” Richie looked to his friends in hopes of them agreeing with him, getting Mike to see how stupid his idea was. Eddie nodded in agreement and Richie got his hopes up. Until Bill spoke up.

“N-no. Not that w-whole s-summer.” And with that, they remembered the fight. They remembered how they physically had to separate Richie and Bill so they wouldn’t smash each other’s heads in, how they spent time separated from each other, each of them too stubborn to face what, deep down, each of them knew would be necessary.

“What happened?” asked Y/N, voice shaky, eyes innocently looking up at her father, then the other Losers. She had managed to calm down enough to speak, but she knew that she was still on the verge of breaking down. No one answered, each of them just let their gaze wander over the greens surrounding them. The trees started losing their leaves and they instead graced the ground, covering the soil in endless shades of red, yellow, orange and even a few brown spots.

“I’ll bring you back to the hotel, then get that stupid token.” Richie finally said, reaching out a hand to help his daughter, who suddenly seemed a lot smaller than she really was, up. Gratefully, she grasped it before sliding her hand up, trying to find some steadiness and comfort in grasping her father’s arm until they were out of what she felt was a danger zone.

The forest made her feel alerted. Something could be lurking behind every tree. 

Behind every bush. 

Behind every tree stump. 

There was room to flee, yes, but at what cost? If they ran and were to be separated, she would easily fall victim to whatever IT was. Y/N didn’t know her way around and Richie wasn’t sure he still knew the place like he did when he was younger and spent almost every day of a whole summer lurking in the shadows, hiding away from the Bowers gang, making plans of how to kill IT and just enjoying the warmth of the summer that took not only his innocence, but also his friends’.

“I’ll join you.” Eddie spoke up, stepping closer to the leaving pair as each of the Losers awoke from their little trance, daring to move now that Richie accepted that he had to find his token on his own. Neither Richie nor Y/N said anything, instead, they started walking, hoping that they were somewhat on the track they had taken earlier to get to the clubhouse. Once they had reached the edge of the Barrens, however, the Losers wordlessly split up and went their own ways. Where to exactly, no one knew. They went wherever their feet, their subconscious brought them. Maybe it wasn’t even that. Maybe something bigger than each of them was leading them, something that they knew existed, but they couldn’t remember yet. It was irking them. Teasing them. Lost somewhere in the back of their minds with the rest of their memories of the last summer. About to burst through that thin layer of blissful ignorance, it just needed a little push to break through to the surface. 

All of the Losers gave in and started their little journey through the place they grew up in. Well, everyone except for Richie, Eddie and Y/N.

“Eds, I appreciate your concern, but Mike said that we all have to do this on our own. You should get a head start, we all know your little legs slow you down.” Richie said, sluggishly joking around. He didn’t have the energy to make fun of his friend now. Not now that his heart was beating restlessly like a kid on Christmas morning and he knew that he had to leave his daughter, the only family he had left, to fend for herself.

“Don’t call me that. I want to be there for you two. She’s your daughter, that makes her a Loser by blood. Besides, I just wanna make sure that you don’t up and leave with her.” Eddie smiled at the pair and, with that, Y/N felt how her chest filled with warmth. She hadn’t ever known a family bigger than her and her father, but knowing that at least one more person, if not the whole Losers Club was right beside her, made her feel like she belonged. Like she had an identity, was a person important to something bigger than being your average high school student.

Y/N gave the man a warm, genuine smile. “I wouldn’t let him leave.”

“I know, little one. I know.” Eddie smiled back at her, laying a hand on her shoulder, not sure how affectionate he could be with the girl without it becoming weird. After all, she was almost like a new addition to the mismatched family of losers and he didn’t want her to feel left out just as much as he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or suffocated by the affection shown.

“Watch it, I’m going to outgrow you. There is still hope for me.” She smirked as they slowly started making their way to the hotel. Richie scoffed, hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“Don’t get your hopes up too high, squirt. I don’t think you’ve grown in the past six months and- “

“Fuck off, dad.”

“Don’t tell me to fuck off, without this smart mouth here, you wouldn’t exist.” Richie reminded both her and Eddie, making the pair cringe.

“Beep-Beep, Richie.” Eddie said as he felt himself shudder against his will. Only moments later, a harsh wind blew their way, sweeping the hair from their faces, creating ripples of shivers on their bodies.

“I think I’m gonna leave you guys alone. It’s not far anymore and I feel like I have to go elsewhere.” Eddie said, awkwardly mustering the father-daughter-duo.

“You’re not gonna make sure that I won’t run off with her?” Richie asked, confused at Eddie’s sudden change of plans.

“I trust you, Richie.” Eddie replied, lips twitching up into a playful yet shy smile. Y/N couldn’t hold back her grin at the gentle exchange between the men and watched happily as Richie stepped closer to the smaller, insecurity-ridden man, wrapping his arms around him in an almost therapeutic hug. Obviously, they hoped to see each other again later that day, but were they sure they actually would?

“Come here, squirt. Group hug.” Richie motioned for her, lifting one of his arms to give the girl room as Eddie nodded encouragingly. Joyfully, she complied and wrapped her arms around the two men, as far as they would reach.

“Stay safe.” Y/N whispered as she felt a sudden pull in her chest. It was unexpected, hit her out of nowhere and coating her in an uncomfortable cold. The uncertainty of the situation, the dangers connected to each of them going their own way finally caught up to her and, as it seemed, not only her. As the men heard the raw concern in her voice, they hugged her just a little closer and a little tighter in hopes of consoling her in some way.

“Don’t worry, I will. I’ll see you later in the library and all of us will be fine, alright?” Eddie replied, knowing that he wasn’t speaking the truth. He knew that splitting up was the most dangerous thing they could do. He knew that they might not all return to the library that day. He knew that IT was after them – and IT was seeking revenge. But he felt that, in that situation, it would be more important sugar-coating the whole situation and not worrying her too much rather than telling her about the actual risks of the situation.

“You two stay safe. I’ll be waiting for you.” Eddie told them as he pulled out of the comfort of their arms, leaving to go his own way, not knowing which horrors would be waiting for him as he would be looking for a simple artefact to sacrifice. Richie smiled, nodding a little, then laid a hand on his daughter’s back, pushing her forward. Not before she could wave to Eddie one last time though. Eddie smiled and nodded in reply.

The Tozier-Duo walked in silence for a bit. Until Y/N decided that she couldn’t stand the tension for another moment and decided to speak up with a question that she had been dying to ask for a bit now.

“What is it with you and Eddie, Dad? Have you always been this close?”

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[solavillain]

Pas de Deux Chapter 9: The Return

+pairing: Spinel x fem!Reader +genre: Drama, romance, angst, slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers +warnings: mentions of shattering +word count: 6.5K +Chapter 9 / 10  previous || next

As Spinel leads you down to the beach hand in hand, you can’t help but stare at the back of her form in wonder. Just a few weeks ago this Gem had shaken up your whole life, ruined your summer plans, hurt your friends. And then just as you were starting to warm up to her, she kidnapped you- hell of a first date. You honestly thought you could never look past that, and granted, it was a pretty horrible thing to do. But then something just... changed. Or rather, she did.

And now... now you feel so incredibly lucky to have her. Everything is still new to both of you, her especially, but the prospect of getting to learn together absolutely thrills you. And though Spinel isn’t as talkative or open about her feelings... you suspect she feels the same.

The two of you burst through the tree line, almost sprinting towards the water. Spinel turns slightly to give you a grin over her shoulder, and your stomach flips happily.

“God, she’s trouble for my heart,” you think warmly as you return the smile.

You stop at the ocean’s edge, and release Spinel’s hand as she morphs her pinky into the horn to call the injector. It rises from off the coast- much closer than you ever imagined she’d leave it.

“Has... that been there the whole time?” you ask incredulously, turning to the pink Gem.

“Uh... y-yeah?” she replies sheepishly, shifting her pinky back to normal.

You shake your head with a small smile. “Dang. Could have escaped at any time,” you joke.

Spinel’s answering smile spreads across her face. “Oh yeah? Go ahead, get up there on yer own,” she replies, accent slipping in as it always does when she teases you.

“I’ll do It right now!” you exclaim, and begin to race through the surf. You look back in surprise as Spinel grabs your middle and pulls you back to her, both of you giggling and laughing as you pretend to try to get away.  

You sigh and try to calm your laughter, turning in Spinel’s arms to look up to her. She unwraps her arms and rests her hands on your hips, gazing down at you with a soft expression.

“Are you... sure about this, doll?” she asks you softly, “I know you were nervous a few days ago...”

“Spinel, I... I know, and I’m sorry for that. It was just me being irrational but... I really want to go back with you. Besides the pluses of being able to be back in society again, I want to show the others that you’re a good person and that... I care about you,” you finish, blushing and ducking your face into the crook of her neck.

She wraps herself around your shoulders, settling her chin on the top of your head. “Okay, doll. I’m nervous, but... I want that too. And apparently someone needs a shower?”  

“Pff, maybe...” you reply, burying your face more in embarrassment. After a moment you pull back and take her hands off your shoulders, holding them between the two of you.

“Spinel... I just want you to know I really care about you. And whatever happens, I’ll be by your side. We’ll show everyone that you’ve changed. Okay?”

Tears well up in her eyes and she flings herself around you once more, squeezing you tightly. You shift a little so her Gem isn’t pressing up against you too hard, and rub small circles into her back.

“Ok, c’mon Miss Dramatic,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood, “don’t want to be crying when we get back to Beach City.”

Spinel lifts her head from your shoulder reluctantly and cups a hand to your face.

“Ready, doll?”

x * x * x * x * x

After scooping you up rather deftly and leaping to the top of the injector (which, you have to admit, was kind of fun), you’re soon setting off for Beach City. Or rather, the direction Spinel thinks is towards Beach City.  

“If you know how to get back to Empire City from here, I could probably direct you towards Beach City?” you suggest, scooching closer to Spinel so she can hear you over the rush of wind. She nods, and directs the injector slightly more towards the left, wrapping an arm around your waist once she’s done. You smile at the contact and lean into her, settling in for what you know to be a long flight.  

It had taken at least a couple hours on the way to the island; Spinel having taken you in the early morning since you’d been up all night racing from the concert to the Garden and back again. You don’t know how long it was for her trip to Empire City, but it must have been at least an hour, since it had taken her around 3 hours to return to you with all the definitely not stolen goods.

You muse silently for a while, enjoying the sun beating down on you and the feeling of Spinel holding onto you- maybe a little too tightly.  

“Probably worried about me falling off the edge or something,” you figure. You swing your legs around so they’re lying over her lap instead of dangling off the edge, and you see her visibly relax.

“Aww, were you worried?” you tease, poking her on the shoulder.

She rolls her eyes but can’t fight the smile that finds its way to her face. “Mm... Maybe a bit,” she replies, pulling you closer to her and moving the both of you more towards the middle of the injector.  

You place your hands on top of her arms, holding her against you. You look up at her and smile, watching as she concentrates to try to remember the way she needs to go.

“Are you nervous?” you whisper after a moment, startling her slightly.  

“Bout what?” she asks absent-mindedly, still gazing out over the horizon.

“Going back. Having to... face everyone,” you say, trying to keep your voice from wavering.

“W-well, yeah. Can’t say I’m not,” she says with a slight chuckle, “but I’m also... Oddly calm. Having you with me right here, right now...”

She trails off and idly runs her hands over your arms, making you shiver even in the hot sun.

“I know it’ll go great,” you reply, eyes fluttering closed at her touch.  

You float like that for a while, head against Spinel’s shoulder, just reveling in the feeling of her gentle touches. You resolve not to drift off, to just enjoy being with her in the simplicity that is the moment. As you gaze across the ever-approaching horizon, you can’t help but smile to yourself at the way things have turned out.

You’d fallen for a Gem or two in your time, sure- namely, Pearl- so you didn’t find being with one like this particularly odd, but... what you did find odd was that you ended up with a Gem that you hadn’t known for long in comparison. But in a way, that made this all the more exciting- you got to discover everything about each other.

And god, were you looking forward to that.

After an hour or so of idle chatter and lots of cuddling (while, of course, hurtling through the air on a giant injector), you start to see a city peak up over the horizon.

“Oh! Spinel, look! It’s Empire City!” you exclaim, getting as close to the edge as you feel comfortable with.

“Oh yeah, wow! Guess I remembered the right way after all,” Spinel replies with a light chuckle. “Okay, toots, it’s all you now. Where do we go from here?”

Spinel directs the injector up higher, just above the clouds- enough that you can still see the land below but hopefully high enough that you won’t be easily spotted.

You look for a road you recognize, the main highway that you usually take to get to and from Beach City for the summers. It’s harder to tell from up so high, but you figure the general direction should suffice anyway, since you’ll be able to see Beach City in the distance as long as you go the right way.  

It’s still a ways away, so you sit back with Spinel once more, this time simply holding her hand while you gaze down below. After a moment, you notice Spinel fidgeting next to you, crossing and uncrossing her legs, clenching your hand in hers, her other hand reaching up to her hair.

You turn to face her once you check that the highway is still directly below you.

“Spinel? You... you doing okay?” you ask gently, reaching out to take her other hand from her hair.

“I... I’ll be okay, Y/n. Don’t worry ‘bout me,” she gets out breathily, voice shaking.

“Spinel. You’re clearly not okay,” you stay sternly, cupping her face in your hands. Her eyes focus on yours, and she relaxes slightly to your touch.

“I’m sorry. I’m... just freakin’ out a bit, is all. I don’t know what’s gonna happen when we get back and I’m terrified... that they’ll send me back somewhere. Or they’ll just hate me forever and...”

She trails off and averts her gaze back to the world below. You sigh and lean back a bit, clasping your hands together in between the two of you.

“Spinel, I know these thoughts are hard to ignore sometimes. And you have every right to worry about this stuff, I’m... a little nervous too. But when things like this come up, I want you to know you can talk to me, ok? You don’t have to sit next to me in silence when you’re suffering. I want to try to help you through it as best as I can.”

Spinel turns back to you and nods, and surprisingly, you see no tears in her eyes this time.  

“I don’t mean to keep stuff from ya... It’s just habit, I guess. Not used to having someone to talk to, y’know?”

She squeezes your hand softly and offers you an apologetic smile.  

“I know, Spins. But whenever you can, try to remember I’m here for you, all right?”  

She lets out a shuddering sigh and meets your eyes with resolve. “Thank you. And I will always be here for you too, ok doll?”

You open your mouth to start to reply, when the injector suddenly rushes through a particularly thick cloud. It’s hard to see much of anything, and you’re startled from finishing your thought.

“Did we lose the direction?” Spinel calls out.

“I don’t know, I can’t see the ground!” you reply, frantically searching for any break in the clouds below you.

“It’s ok, I’ll keep it steady until the clouds-”

She cuts herself off as the sunlight rushes back in. You squint at the sudden brightness, before your eyes widen and you gasp.

“Spinel! It’s right there! We made it!” you exclaim happily as Beach City quickly comes into view. You sound happy even as your insides flip. No going back now, no matter how nervous the both of you are.

“We... we did make it,” she replies, sounding every bit as worried as you feel.

As you loom closer to your favorite city, your face falls as Lighthouse Park comes further into view- you'd forgotten about the damage that last battle had done to the ground there...and the surrounding ocean still had traces of pink in it. You glance over at Spinel to gauge her reaction, and her face seems... crestfallen.

“Spinel, it’s ok. We can help undo this,” you say softly, taking her hand in yours once more.

She simply nods and morphs her pinky to direct the injector. Finally you were going to be home safe and-

“HEY!”

Your knees almost buckle at the voice that sounds behind you. Amethyst!  You turn to greet your friend, who is riding with Peridot on a large piece of metal, floating just behind the injector. Instead you’re met with an expression that is decidedly unwelcoming. But her gaze isn’t focused on you- it's on the Gem sitting next to you, who is recoiling in fear.

“Give her back to us!” Amethyst calls out, much to your dismay.

“Amethyst, wait-”

Before you can finish your thought, Amethyst is pulling out her Gem weapon, and you can only guess what she means to do with it. Your gaze shifts to Peridot, who you note is holding the retracted rejuvenator slightly out of sight. This is not how you wanted this to go. How were they even ready this fast? Had they been following you or something?

You turn to Spinel, who is already one step ahead of you. The injector zooms forward, and you hear the snap of Amethyst’s whip behind you, just narrowly missing the pink Gem.  

“Bring her back you clod!” a scratchy voice calls out as you race forward.

“Spinel, wait! We have to talk to go back and talk to them! Remember?”  

You grip her arm frantically and look up at her with pleading eyes.  Her face falls as she registers your expression, and she sighs heavily.

“I know, doll, but... they’re tryin’ to attack you! Us! Peridot... she had the rejuvenator-!”

“No, no, I think they think you’re still trying to hurt me for some reason! But if we talk to them, we can explain!”

Spinel closes her eyes for a moment, and you feel like you can see the thoughts racing through her head.  

“Yeah. Ok, you’re right. We can-”

“Y/n!”

You immediately groan and roll your eyes, turning once more to face the voice. This time you’re surprised to see the Gem calling your name- flying in what looks like a modified Peridot ship?

“Pearl?!” you exclaim incredulously, “What are you doing?”

“Saving you!”

“Pearl-”

“I can’t do this!” Spinel exclaims, interrupting you. You turn back to face her, and she’s already blowing on the horn, directing the injector to speed off again, this time over land, thankfully.  

You huff in anger and turn back towards Beach City, where you can see the two groups of Gems racing to catch up, joined by Lapis carrying Steven.  

“It’s all of them,” you mutter. “Spinel, we can’t leave again! Find somewhere to land!”

She doesn’t answer you and continues pushing the injector faster- faster than you thought it could go, honestly. You hold on to the Gem and brace yourself, shutting your eyes against the wind whipping across your face.

You turn back after a moment, away from the wind, to see if you’re still being followed. You heave a sigh of relief when you realize you can no longer see Pearl’s ship, Lapis, or Amethyst and Peridot. Your relief is short lived, however, because Spinel has apparently picked a spot to land.

The injector comes to a swift halt over top of a giant field, way out in the countryside. You grip Spinel’s arm tighter as it lowers into the ground, luckily having no poison left to use on the Earth. It settles with a loud rumble, and you finally relinquish your grasp on the Gem.

She takes the opportunity to slump down, wrapping her arms around her knees and hiding her head between them. You sigh and sit down next to her, gazing out across the landscape and watching the wind blow through the tall grass below.

“I... I’m sorry,” Spinel finally says after a few minutes.

“I know, hun, I know. It’s ok,” you reply quietly, circling your arms around her middle and pulling her closer to you.

“I just... that was so scary,” she continues, her voice small and pitiful, “I couldn’t see a way to make them listen and I didn’t want them to take you away from me...”

“I wouldn’t have let them,” you retort sternly, trying to reassure her. “Even if they had been able to grab me, I could have talked them down... I think,” you add, suddenly unsure.  

“What... what do we do now?” Spinel asks, lifting her head and wiping the tears from her eyes. Your heart melts at the sight- she's been through so much and still has the drive to keep going, to keep asking ‘what’s next.’ You truly admire her for that.

“Well... we have to go back,” you point out, “or we could let them find us I suppose, but that might end pretty poorly.”

Spinel doesn’t answer, so you continue, “We can probably spare a few more minutes though, if you need a chance to calm down?”

The pink Gem nods and snuggles in closer to you, burrowing the top of her head under your chin. You wrap your arms around her small frame and hold her, hoping the beat of your heart can be as calming as it once was back on your small island of paradise.  

You let her sit there for a bit, but once you feel her trembling start to subside, you move a hand to the back of her head and give her a few soft pets.

“We have to be strong now, okay Spins?” you say gently, prompting her to lift her head and meet your eyes.

Before she can say anything, you give a quick kiss to the tip her her nose, earning a light chuckle. You smile and squeeze her tightly for a moment before standing.

“All right. You can do this, Spinel. We can do this. I believe in you.”

You reach out a hand to her which she takes, pulling herself up off the top of the injector.  

“All right. Yeah. We can do this,” she repeats back, trying out a confident smile.

“That’s the spirit!” you exclaim, “Now... we may not want to fly back on this big intimidating injector... you up for a walk?”

x * x * x * x * x

Twenty minutes into the walk back to Beach City, and you’re already regretting your life choices. The tall grass is much rougher to walk through than it had looked, and you had apparently severely underestimated how far Spinel had flown the damn injector, what with your eyes being closed most of the ride.  

After bringing you down from the injector in her arms, Spinel had offered to carry you the rest of the way, which you of course refused- you weren’t sick anymore and could walk fine on your own, thank you very much. Now you almost wish you’d taken her up on the offer, just so you could reach Beach City faster. But you weren’t one to relent so easily, so you kept trudging on.

Spinel had been silent most of the walk- most of the day, really. You knew she was incredibly scared of going back, and though she had felt ready this morning, you can’t imagine the ‘greeting’ the two of you received had done much to ease her nerves.  

“I’ve done all the comforting I can do,” you think, looking over to your favorite Gem sadly, “she has to figure out the rest on her own.”

The silence as you walk is... uncomfortable, to say the least. You don’t seem to have much to talk about outside the current situation, and you don’t really feel like talking anyway- you're too wrapped up in your own worries to be concerned with how the Gem is feeling at the moment.

You had tried to avoid considering it before, but you had to face reality now- what if they really don’t accept Spinel? Disregarding the whole relationship thing, if they don’t even let her stay in Beach City... or even on Earth? What if they poof and bubble her before you can get a chance to do anything?  

You don’t have any answers to these questions that are building inside you. You can guess, but ultimately, you decide that things are going to play out as they will, and all you can do is help them get to where you want them to be.  

You can only hope Spinel will feel the same way.

The nerves return to ravage your system around 45 minutes into your walk, when you can start to see Lighthouse Park peeking up over a hill. You want to stay strong, present a unified front to the Crystal Gems, but you can feel yourself unraveling on the inside.

Still, you manage to keep it together as the two of you walk up the peak of the hill overlooking Beach City. You stop to catch your breath as Spinel walks up from behind you, and gingerly takes your hand in hers.

“Ready to try again, doll?” she asks softly.

You huff, rather exhausted from the long hike, but nod in agreement. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

You start the journey down, being the first one to break from her hand. Spinel may have all the grace and balance of a perfect lifeform, but you certainly do not, and this is a pretty steep hill.

You almost trip over a protruding rock that you hadn’t noticed, and Spinel quickly stretches her arms to support you, holding you in place until she can make her way to you.

“Woah there doll, havin’ a little trouble walking, huh?” she teases as she releases you, leaving you to your own devices.

You furrow your brow and stick out your tongue in response, knowing full well you look ridiculous. She laughs heartily, the loudest you’ve heard all day.

“Never seen that face before, love,” she comments in between giggles, “it’s certainly... a look!”

“Yeah, yeah, I make dumb faces,” you huff, continuing down the hill more carefully. You know you’re being a bit childish, but the closer you get to home, the more on edge you feel. You’re not really in the mood for joking, and Spinel seems to register this, as she falls silent after your comment and continues walking behind you.

You reach the base of the hill with no more mishaps, thankfully. As you wait for Spinel to catch up, you sigh heavily, gazing out at the city you love so much. Whatever is waiting for you upon your return... you just hope you’ll be strong enough to face it.

A hand closes around yours, soft and unsure. You look up to your left to see Spinel giving you a tentative smile, and you give her a curt nod before beginning to lead her down the path to Beach City.

As you walk towards the town, you notice it’s eerily still. You have no idea what day it is, so it could very well be a weekday and people are still inside at work or school, but... the fact that the Gems were nowhere in sight either was concerning.

You grip Spinel’s hand tighter, and the two of you make your way down onto the boardwalk. You want the Gems to see you and Spinel together, wherever they are. They need to know not to attack first, and they definitely won’t when you’re this close to the pink Gem.

You hear the slight flap of wings before you see her- Lapis makes her way down from the air, with Steven behind her- for a moment you’re startled, but then you recall his floating powers; something you had only seen a few times years ago.

Next come Pearl and Garnet in the new ship, probably worked on in tandem by both Pearl and Peridot, judging by the green exterior. The front opens and you lock eyes with Pearl, a blush of embarrassment creeping onto your cheeks before you can stop it. You’re gripping Spinel’s hand impossibly tight now, and you’re glad that she doesn’t feel as much pain as a human; you’re sure you’d be crushing her hand right now if she did.

You have to avert your gaze from Pearl as your stomach sinks- she's looking at you exactly as you had feared she would. Confusion, mistrust... you can’t believe this is happening.

Peridot and Amethyst fly in last, zooming over from somewhere else in the town. You look almost pleadingly at Amethyst, hoping she’ll try to take your side on this- or at least meet you somewhere in the middle. Her expression is unreadable to you, which with her is... usually not good.

You sigh softly and decide to get this over with. No use delaying the inevitable.  

“So, uh...hey guys,” you say quietly after clearing your throat, “Long time no see?”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Amethyst says with a roll of her eyes, stepping off Peridot’s floating metal.

“How... how long has it been?” you ask, glancing around the group.

“About seventeen days, nine hours and... fifty-five minutes,” Peridot answers swiftly, glancing at her strapped-on wrist tablet.

“Oh...gosh.”  

You genuinely hadn’t realized it had been that long. The days all sort of blurred together, especially with the sickness. It was no wonder they looked concerned and pissed off that you saunter in holding hands with your captor.

Subconsciously, you let go of Spinel, and take a step towards Pearl’s floating ship.

“Guys, we need to talk. Spinel-”

“Spinel what?” Pearl spits out rather aggressively, leaving you taken aback and wide eyed. “Spinel took you, we don’t hear from you for weeks and now you come back holding hands? What is this, Y/n?”

You suck in a breath and turn to Spinel, whose face seems to be shifting between expressions of anger and worry. This time it’s her turn to reach out and grip your hand too tightly, but unfortunately you can be hurt- the sudden pain causes you to yank your hand back from her grasp involuntarily. She startles backwards, and shoots you a pained look. Your heart sinks and you shut your eyes for a moment, trying to regain composure. This is not how you wanted this to go.

“Ok, look, everyone stop for a second and let me explain.”

You pause and watch for the groups’ reaction, nodding slightly when they all seem to agree to stay silent.

“All right. Thank you.” you turn to the pink Gem who has recoiled into herself, looking more nervous than you’ve ever seen her.

“Spinel, hon? Do you want to say anything?”

She closes her eyes and sighs, a resolute look passing over her features. She quickly unwraps her arms from herself and steps in front of you, looking at each member of the group before finally locking eyes with Steven, who stood next to Lapis.

“I am... so sorry for all that I’ve done,” she says, her voice quivering in fear, “I h-have no excuses, but I’d like t’make things right in any way I can. If you’ll let me.”

You look to Steven, the first person you’d expect to extend the olive branch.

He sighs and shakes his head, and your eyes go wide- is he really going to refuse?

“Spinel, I want to give you that second chance. Well, third chance at this point,” he says with an awkward chuckle.

“I just... the Gems and I need to talk to Y/n and hear what happened while you were...gone,” he finishes, giving Spinel a shrug.

You turn to your companion and she glances between you and Steven frantically for a moment, before clasping her hands tightly in front of her.

“Fine,” she says, voice louder than before. “Just... don’t try to pull a fast one and take her away from me, yeah?”  

Pearl furrows her brows as she ushers you a couple feet away, leaving Peridot and Lapis hanging back to watch over Spinel.

You form a sort of circle with the Crystal Gems, hands on your hips and glancing between them expectantly.

“Well? What’s up with everything, Y/n?” Amethyst spits out, “What the hell is the deal with all... that?”

“Y/n, it just seems... like a really weird situation,” Steven admits, scratching the back of his neck.

You heave out a sigh- something you’re doing frequently today, you’ve noticed.  

“I told you guys I could take care of it,” you reply, giving them a pointed look. They need to know that you’re not incapable just because you’re human, and while you appreciate the protectiveness, it’s time to back off a little.

The group reacts... much differently than you had expected.

“Oooh,” Pearl breathes out, a look of realization crossing her features.

You tilt your head in confusion, and mutter out, “Huh...?”

Amethyst looks towards Pearl, who motions her forward to whisper in her ear.

“Oh, I gotcha!” Amethyst exclaims, looking your way.

“What? What are you getting?” you ask, clearly missing something.

“Don’t worry, Y/n,” Garnet says, speaking up for the first time since you got back, “We can handle it from here.”

“O-okay...” you stutter, still terribly confused and a little concerned.  

They lead you back to Lapis, Peridot and Spinel, who seem to have been standing in silence the whole time.

You try to meet Spinel’s eyes, but she looks downcast, avoiding your gaze.

“So!” Pearl exclaims, clasping her hands together, “We’ve figured out what’s going on!”  

“What? I barely told her anything,” you think, wondering what she could have surmised from what you said.

“We just need to sort everything out with some... things...” she glances towards Spinel at the last word as she trails off, and you cross your arms in front of you. Whatever she is thinking, she very clearly has the wrong idea.

“I heard,” Spinel cuts in before you can speak your mind. She turns to you with swirling eyes, and a sense of dread and déjà vu washes over you.  

“I heard what ya said- when I took you. ‘I can handle this.’ Yeah, that’s what it was.” Her voice grows deeper and she narrows her eyes, but doesn’t move.

“You can handle this... as in, you can trick me into thinkin’ you care about me to get me to take ya back? To play with my feelin’s like I’m just a toy that you need to get rid of as soon as possible?”

Your stomach sinks, and you feel nauseous. How is this happening again?

Suddenly, a springy pink arm shoots forward, but not towards you. Spinel catches Peridot by surprise, grabbing the rejuvenator from her grip before she can react. The Crystal Gems get into position around you, ready to protect you and each other if need be.  

She looks at you sadly, her eyes returned to their normal pink hue. Glancing between you and the rejuvenator in her hand, she shakes her head, then suddenly turns and runs back the way you had come from.  

“Spinel!” you call out hopelessly. She’s too fast, springing through the outcropping of trees and out of sight before you can even move.  

Tears well up in your eyes as you turn on the other Gems.

“What the hell?” you scream, not caring about keeping it together at this point.

“You made her think- I wouldn’t... why would you think I would manipulate her like that for weeks just to get back here?” you screech, tears freely falling down your cheeks.  

“Y/n, no, I...” Pearl whispers pathetically, placing a hand over her mouth.

You glare at her before rounding on Garnet. “And you! You have future vision, yeah? How the hell didn’t you see this coming? That Pearl had completely misinterpreted what I meant?”

Garnet sighs and removes her visor, gazing at you with her trio of multicolored eyes.

“You know I see possible and probable futures, not certain ones. I didn’t...see things going like this,” she finishes, putting her glasses back on. You roll your eyes, but you realize she’s right- it was just a giant, dumb misunderstanding. Granted, Pearl could have actually asked you to clarify everything instead of immediately assuming, but...

“Ok. Here’s what’s gonna happen,” you say sternly, addressing the group. Pearl casts her gaze downward, and you avoid looking at her all together.  

“I’m going to go find Spinel, whom I care about deeply. I don’t care what any of you think, so please just let me find her.”

Steven steps forward, placing a hand on your shoulder. “We’re not going to stop you, Y/n. Is there any way we can help?”

You give him a small smile and glance up at the forested hill you had traversed down to get back to the boardwalk.  

“Well, I could use a lift...”

x * x * x * x * x

After going through the various options of transport, you all decide the safest for you is the small ship that Pearl had been piloting earlier, much to your disappointment. You didn’t really want to be alone with her right now, but you had no choice.

You climb into the small opening and give Pearl a grimace of a smile.  

“Can only hope Spinel isn’t too far away...”

Pearl sends the ship straight up, and you have to grab onto the surrounding seats to keep your balance.  

“Geez, careful,” you mumble, righting yourself once the ship has steadied.

“Sorry.”

You sigh and roll your eyes, deciding now is not the time to press any issues you have with her. Your focus needs to be finding Spinel- fast.

The ship crests over the top of the hill, and you look towards the way you came, back towards the injector. No pink Gem, as far as you can tell.

“Y/n, look...”

Pearl calls you over softly, pointing out her side of the small circular ship.  

“She’s on Rose’s hill,” the Gem remarks, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Pearl, can you... please bring me there? Not too close, and don’t let her see the ship,” you direct, and Pearl follows your request immediately. She pilots the ship expertly, landing at the base of the hill.  

You clamber out awkwardly, earning a fond smile from Pearl.

“I really am sorry,” she retorts stiffly, before flying away and leaving you to your own devices. You watch her leave for a moment, hoping that no lasting damage had been done to your friendship. Turning towards the hill, you take a deep breath and begin the climb.

“My journey with her began at the base of a hill. I suppose this is only fitting.”

You stare at the back of Spinel’s form, much as you had this morning before you’d left the island. She’s perched on a rock, staring at something in her hands, presumably the rejuvenator. You don’t want to startle her, so you wait to approach a moment, observing from afar.

After a moment, she heaves a loud sigh, loud enough for you to hear from your place slightly downhill. She gazes forlornly out over the city and moves closer to the cliffs edge.

Your eyes go wide, and suddenly there’s only one thought in your head.

“She’s going to try to shatter herself off the side of the cliff.”

“Spinel!!” you screech, rushing forward, a hand outstretched.

Spinel jumps back in surprise, clutching the rejuvenator to her chest.

“Y/n?! What are you d-doin up here?” she asks, eyes going wide.

“What do you think? I’m coming after you, Spinel. I wanted to explain-”

“Oh, don’t bother. Heard everythin’ you had to say.”

You roll your eyes. “That’s the thing though, you didn’t. I said one sentence and they all assumed what they wanted to assume, because none of them really wanted to believe that I could have learned to care for you so quickly. But they were wrong.”

Spinel turns back to face the city, and the cliff’s edge. “Yeah, well. Can’t say I blame ‘em. Pretty damn unlikely, you and I.”

Your face blanches as she stands on the precipice, and there’s only one thing you can think to do.  

“Spinel, please, please don’t!”

You dart between her and the cliff’s edge, making sure you have proper footing.  

“Please don’t jump... please don’t go and leave me...”

Spinel glances behind you and then meets your eyes, one eyebrow raising.

“What... did you think I was gonna do?”

“J-jump, and... try to shatter yourself,” you stutter out, tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

Spinel sighs and turns away from you, plopping back down on the rock she had been sitting on earlier.

“No, doll, I... considered it, but I’m not that eager to cease to exist. I just thought...”

She trails off and glances at the rejuvenator in her hand.

“Thought it might be easier on everyone if I went back to the way I was before. Cheery, fun...”

“...Stupid?” you offer with a small smile, recalling another time she’d compared her current form to her previous.

The joke doesn’t take, and Spinel rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Just... something that’s not me. I want to forget. I can’t... I don’t want to live with all these painful memories anymore.”

Her voice cracks on the last word and she breaks into silent tears, burying her face in her hands.

“I’ve just d-done so much wrong here. I just want t-to start over.”

You gaze sadly at the Gem you’ve come to care about so much, and wish you had the magic words to make everything better, to help her see the value in herself. But you had no such words, and could only offer what you knew.

“Spinel.”

You touch her shoulder gingerly as you say her name, and sit next to her on the rock, wishing you could just hug her right here. But you suspect she might need some space.

“Spinel, I won’t lie, you’ve messed up a couple times.”

A sob wracks her body, and your heart just about breaks right then and there.

You hurry and continue, “You’ve messed up but you’ve also grown so much! You’ve learned from those mistakes and are bettering yourself through them. Just like humans do. Humans constantly learn and change, our entire lives. It’s part of why Rose loved this world so much, I think.”

“And you don’t need to worry about everyone else, I sorted everything out with that. We’ll need to talk more later, but for now... they’re not going to do anything to you, or attack us, or send you somewhere else.”

At that, Spinel finally lifts her head. “Yeah?” she asks hopefully, wiping away a tear.

“Yeah,” you say gently, taking the opportunity to move the rejuvenator from her hand to the ground, replacing it with your own hands.

“And we can have... a life here, Spinel. We can do all those fun things we talked about, and you can see snow, and... isn’t that just exciting?”  

Spinel sniffs once and sits up slowly, turning not to the city, but to you.

“Yeah. It’s amazing,” she says softly, cupping your face in her hand. You lean into her familiar touch, blinking away a few tears.

She pulls you to her shoulder gently, and you rest your head on your favorite spot, snuggling in close.

The two of you gaze out over Beach City as the sun sets on the horizon, illuminating the faint pink ocean into a brilliant magenta.

“Hey, Y/n?” Spinel asks shyly.

“Yeah?”

“...I love you.”

Well. That was unexpected.

“I love you too, Spinel.”

#pas de deux #spinel #spinel x reader #spinel reader #spinel steven universe #steven universe #spinel fic #spinel fanfiction #spinel x reader fanfiction #shattering #shattering mention #shattering tw

[eddiesasspbrak]

When I’m With You Ch. 20

Eddie can’t stand the barista at his favorite coffee shop. Richie has fallen in love with the man he sees twice a week. Stan is dating someone but won’t let his friends meet them. Ben is in love with Beverly, but is so afraid of scaring her away he’s not moving forward. Chaotic friends navigating college together. \

NSFW content to follow. minors don’t interact

Ch. 1

read on AO3

5k+ words

Richie had been anxious the rest of the day. He’d stayed to help out until the rush died down and then gone into the back to bake. He wasn’t on the schedule, he probably wouldn’t even get paid for it, but he didn’t want to head back to the building. Sonia Kaspbrak hadn’t been what he was expecting. She was much, much worse. He’d heard all of Eddie’s stories about what a menace she was growing up and how afraid of her he was but seeing it in the flesh was so different. Eddie seemed so…small when in her presence. Afraid to speak. It made Richie sick, made his chest hurt and he just knew that if he was face to face with her again he wouldn’t be able to keep it inside.

He loved Eddie and the last thing he wanted to do was make things more difficult for him. It took every bit of self restraint not to go after them when they left the café. It also helped that Mike knew him all too well and held on tight to his wrist until they were out of sight. That last look Eddie set on him was very nearly heartbreaking. Who knows what he would have done had Mike not been holding him.

Baking helped him clear his head and think things through. It was part of the reason he’d started baking in the first place. Having something to focus on pushed all other worries from his mind. Wasn’t there a musical about that? Baking all your troubles away. He was into stage acting but knew little about musicals. Still, he was sure he’d heard someone listening to a song like that. Either way, it definitely described the way he felt about baking.

Even so, Eddie was on his mind while he measured, poured, mixed, folded, cut and iced. He knew that once his mom went home the following day, things would go back to normal. Eddie would smile again, and they wouldn’t have to hide. After pining for him for so long, not being able to interact with him normally for even one day was torture. Especially after the night before when they’d been so carefree, wrapped up in each other only seeing the other for a blissful moment. Also, it was hot as fuck and way better than the fantasies he’d been jerking off to for the past several months.

Richie had always pictured the morning after being filled with naked kisses and cuddling and maybe a blow job or two. Definitely not being woken up by a panicked Eddie who he couldn’t even take the proper time to comfort.

It was Bill, coming in to check on him after a few hours of letting him be, that broke him from his cycle of baking and worrying. “Richie, what the f-fuck? We’re never going to sell all of this before it goes stale.” Bill was exasperated, looking at the tables and cooling racks full of trays holding various baked goods.

“Run a two for one sale?” Richie shrugged, taking a look at the pile of dirty dishes he had to run through the washer.

“Alright, I’m c-calling it. Go home. I’ll deal with all of this.”

“No, I can’t go home yet. I’ll stay till closing.

“Absolutely not. You weren’t even supposed to be h-h-here today. We appreciate the help, really. But if you b-bake anymore the owner is going to k-kill you and maybe m-me. Leave.”

Richie sighed and untied the apron, lifting it over his head and handing it to Bill as he walked to the door. “Fine. But if I get drunk and text pictures of my dick to Eddie and his mom sees it, I’m blaming you.”

“Or you could just not get drunk!” Bill called after him, to which Richie only shrugged.

He said goodbye to Mike and headed out into the rapidly darkening evening. There was nowhere to go but home. He was sure Bev and Ben were together doing who knows what. Ladies and the Tramps would be closed, and he hated showing up at their place unannounced. So, he dragged his feet heading home, hoping that Sonia was in for the night and he wouldn’t have any unpleasant run ins with her in the hallway. Still, as he exited the elevator and made his way to his apartment, he slowed down in front of Eddie’s door, listening for any voices. All he heard was the TV and he couldn’t even be sure it was coming from Eddie’s apartment without pressing his ear to the door.

Once inside his own place, he kicked off his shoes and dropped his coat on the closest beanbag chair, tossing his keys on top. He was starving, having not eaten anything but a few pastries at work, and grabbed the takeout menus that were clipped together from his counter. He was content to flop down on one of the chairs and search through them while watching something dumb on TV but before he could commence the flopping, a knock sounded from his door. Tossing the takeout menus aside, he made his way to the door, unsure of who would be knocking at this hour.

Package delivery, Bev, nosy neighbor, all possibilities but he didn’t think Eddie was on that list. That is, until he opened the door to reveal his small boyfriend standing in the hallway, shoeless, tear streaks on his face and eyes red.

“Richie I…”

He didn’t have to say anything else before Richie was pulling him into his arms and closing the door behind them. He scooped him up and made his way to the beanbag chair, settling down with Eddie in his lap. He clung to Richie so fiercely he could hardly breathe but he didn’t care because Eddie needed him, and he’d sit there as long as it took for him to feel alright again.

*

“What am I going to do?” Eddie sat with his knees pulled to his chest, a cup of coffee sat on the floor beside him. His eyes were still wet though the tears had more or less stopped.

Richie was angry. He couldn’t recall a time in his life that he was this angry. How could someone treat their own child this way? Sure, he had his ups and downs with his parents, but they supported his choices for the most part. He’d found his own way, but had he been dependent on them, he couldn’t foresee them doing something like this. All Eddie wanted was to find where he belonged with a group of people he loved and who loved him. He’d found that and now she wanted to rip it away.

Even as the fire raged within him, Richie knew it wouldn’t do any good for him to be angry right now. Eddie needed help, calm rational help. Taking a sip of his own coffee to hopefully extinguish some of the flames, he finally spoke.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Eds. I wish I could have been there with you.” He was mentally kicking himself for hiding out at the café when Eddie needed him. Fearing the answer, he asked, “what is it you want to do?”

Eddie’s gaze dropped to the floor between them. “I don’t know.”

“If…if you want to break up so that nothing changes I completely-.”

“No!” Eddie’s eyes snapped back to Richie’s face as he fell forward on his knees, closing the small distance between them. “I don’t want that! That’s not an option and will never be an option!”

Richie placed a hand on his cheek, soothing his thumb over new tears that were beginning to fall. “Ok, it’s ok. I just wanted you to know that I wouldn’t stop you. I want what’s best for you.”

For the first time in his life, Eddie heard those words and actually believed them. He knew how much Richie cared for him. He could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at him. He’d pined for so long before Eddie gave him the time of day and began to find him charming rather than obnoxious, or at least a mixture of both. So, he knew that letting him go wouldn’t be an easy task but here he was, offering it up as a way to save Eddie trouble. It made his heart clench in a not entirely painful way.

“I won’t let her ruin what we have I just…I just meant that I may have to apply for some grants and financial aid, get a job, maybe go back to living in the dorms. Not…not give in to her ridiculous requests to give up the one person who makes me feel sane.” Eddie leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Richie’s shoulders and letting himself be pulled onto his lap with arms around his waist.

“Guess I kind of jumped to worst case scenario, huh?” He chuckled. “I can see if Rose and Jen will give you a job or maybe we could use more hands at the café?”

“Either would be nice, but I’ll put in applications anywhere I can. I have a little experience from summers back home when I’d work at the theater with Stan.” Eddie sighed. “I wonder if I can afford an apartment somewhere. I loath the idea of going back to the dorms. College students are disgusting.”

“Yes, we are.” Richie grinned, before adding, “Why don’t you just move in here with me?”

Eddie felt like the air had been swept from his lungs as Richie’s words tumbled down onto him. For a second, he’d wondered if he’d heard him correctly, but what else could he have possibly said?

Living together. It wasn’t a terrible idea; they’d spent many nights together since they started dating. That wasn’t quite the same though. They’d have to cram both of their belongings into Richie’s already cluttered apartment. Richie would have to get used to Eddie’s obsessive need for cleanliness all the time and he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. As Eddie leaned back and looked Richie in the eyes, he looked completely serious. Not a joke then.

“Richie I…it’s only been like a month.” He reminded him, still finding it hard to catch his breath.

“I know, but you need a place to stay and…I love you.”

Eddie’s eyes grew wide in surprise. Part of him kind of knew they were headed to this point, but actually hearing it had tears springing to his eyes once more. He loved his friends, he knew his friends loved him, but no one had ever loved him like this. Not familial or platonic, but romantic love. Years of denying who he was and unable to find anyone to date followed by one-night encounters with strangers lead him to wonder if he’d ever find this with anyone. Would he ever hear someone say those three words that would have the room spinning around him? He was at a loss of words. What does one even say in a situation like this?

“You…love…really?” was all that he managed to force past his lips.

Richie grinned. “Yes, really. I would do anything for you, Eds. If you need your own space then we can look for a bigger apartment with two rooms. You can throw out all of my furniture and replace it with your own if that will make you happy. I’ll even get rid of the beanbags.”

“No, they’re growing on me. I like them.” Eddie chuckled, wiping at the tears on his cheeks.

“So…?”

“So…I…want to. I definitely want to because I love you too, Richie.” Before he could say more, Richie was pulling him in, pressing his lips hard against Eddie’s, wasting no time pushing his tongue past his lips.

Eddie sighed blissfully into the kiss, winding his arms around Richie’s neck. He didn’t care where he lived. Richie was his home. They could manage staying here or upgrade to a bigger place, though two rooms wasn’t necessary. Eddie liked sharing a bed with Richie, waking up to his face in the morning and falling asleep in his arms. Though they would definitely be getting a new mattress when they were able to. Richie’s was lumpy and had a broken spring. Maybe they could steal the one from his place before she could stop them.

All thoughts of planning for their apartment left his mind as Richie stood, taking him with him. He always felt light as a feather when Richie picked him up. Eddie tore his mouth from Richie’s as he walked back toward the bedroom, instead focusing on marking his neck. Richie grunted, his hands tightening on Eddie’s thighs as he sucked and nipped at his skin. Neither flipped the light on as they crashed down on the bed, the only light from the hallway and the string lights hung up around the ceiling.

Richie’s hands were on him all at once, pushing his shirt up to his armpits and barely giving him time to lift his arms before he was pulling it up and over his head. Then his mouth was on him, marking a trail from his ear to his navel. Eddie let out a long, trembling breath as Richie sucked a bruise above the waist of his pants while his long fingers hooked beneath them and his briefs, dragging them down to discard on the floor. It was cold in the room, but Eddie only felt a slight chill as Richie’s hands and mouth left his body feeling hot.

He knew better than to try and go too far given that the night before was Eddie’s first time, and he was likely to be sore. But as he took the head of his cock into his mouth, he hooked his fingers on his cheeks, spreading them against the mattress. Eddie’s thighs clenched on either side of Richie’s head, a raspy “fuuuuuuck” drawing out of his mouth followed by a low moan as Richie hollowed his cheeks and pressed the flat of his tongue against the underside of his cock.

Richie loved hearing Eddie’s sweet moans spilling from his lips like he’d lost all control. His muscles went rigid beneath him, his hips bucking ever so slightly, held down by Richie’s strong hand. His hands fisted in the sheets, resisting reaching for Richie’s hair and tugging on the strands. His stomach turned to water, his mind going blank filled with only Richie, Richie, Richie until he felt like he was going to melt away into nothing. Richie let go long enough to suck a finger into his mouth before taking him back in and far as he could to the back of his throat and easing the wet digit into Eddie.

Flinching, Eddie gasped, trying his best to lift his head and look down at Richie. He was so focused on making Eddie feel good, making Eddie cum, and once again Eddie felt that rush of adoration surge up within him. If he weren’t about to bust he might have grabbed him by the ears and hauled him up for a kiss. Instead, he dropped back down to his back, his head pressed against the pillows and his back arching up off the mattress. A string of “oh god, Richie, Richie, fuck” came from his lips, all the warning he could provide from his muddled brain before he was spilling onto Richie’s tongue and down his throat. Richie sucked him through each spasm until he was overly sensitive and whining.

Richie wiped his mouth on his sleeve, sitting back on his heels and taking in the disheveled mess that was his lovely boyfriend. His cheeks had bloomed into a bright shade of red, his lips wet and open panting heavily. His body was covered in a layer of sweat despite the cold of the room, his eyes unfocused. Richie hovered over top of him, a hand on either side of his head.

“Don’t suppose you’ll kiss me now, huh?” He grinned.

Eddie rolled his eyes and lifted up on his elbows, a little shaky, and captured Richie’s lips with his own. He ignored the part of his brain that told him that it was gross and dirty because he didn’t care. Honestly, he barely even tasted anything when he opened his mouth for Richie. He felt a flutter in his stomach, a pleasant ache in his heart as Richie kissed him soft and slow.

Pulling back just enough to separate their mouths, Eddie cupped Richie’s face with one hand, stroking his thumb over his cheek. “I want to try…with you…I mean…”

“Come on Eds, can’t be too hard to ask for right? We’ve already fucked, what more is there to do?” Richie chuckled, rubbing his nose against Eddie’s.

Frustrated, Eddie closed his eyes. “I want to try…a bow job. I’ve never…wanted to before and…I don’t know if I’ll be any good, but I want to try.” When he opened his eyes again, Richie was smirking in a way that made a chill go down his spine but also made him kind of want to hit him.

“I’ll never say no to you giving me a blow job my sweet Spaghetti. Just try your best.”

Eddie nodded and Richie rolled off of him, quickly undressing himself. Sitting on his knees, Eddie came to realize just how nervous he actually was. It wasn’t so much having a dick in his mouth because it was Richie and he loved him. He was more afraid of being bad at it and accidentally hurting Richie. As he leaned forward, staring down at his stiff dick, he remembered how Richie wrapped his lips over his teeth and did the same after licking his lips thoroughly.

Richie was bigger than him, thicker in the shaft and longer. He wasn’t brave enough to attempt to take him too far in this time. He focused his attention on his head, swirling his tongue over his tip whenever he drew back. With one hand, he pumped the rest of his length in time with the bobbing of his head. He was still anxious but above him Richie was rambling, his hand on Eddie’s cheek.

“Fuuuck, Eddie baby you’re so fucking beautiful on your knees like that.” His voice was rough and low, his eyes focused on Eddie. “Just like that, keep going.”

He was clumsy, unsure of himself and repetitive, but Richie didn’t care, he was so enchanted by Eddie trying so hard. Months ago, he never even thought Eddie would look his way, now he was doing his best to suck Richie off and he loved him. He loved him! The angry little man he pined over loved him so much he was stepping out of his comfort zones to make Richie feel good. It wasn’t perfect, but Richie did feel good. He felt good because it was Eddie, desperately battering the head of his cock with his tongue while his hand smeared spit and cum down his shaft.

“Shit, fuck, baby I’m gonna cum.” Richie tensed, refusing to give into the urge to close his eyes and miss even a second.

Eddie didn’t stop, determined to do the same for Richie as he’d done for him. Moments later, Richie was coming across his tongue. It was thick and made Eddie gag a bit and as he pulled off his dick it drippled from his lips. Richie, mesmerized, reached out and wiped at his lips with is thumb. Eddie swallowed the bit that remained in his mouth and wondered how Richie managed to swallow so much without gagging.

Drunk from his orgasm, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him down on top of his chest. He planted kisses to the top of his head, stroking his hand down his back to the curve of his ass. Eddie sighed against him, feeling content for the first time since that morning waking beside Richie. He felt sleepy and wanted to sleep there in Richie’s arms, but he knew it wouldn’t end well if she woke in the morning and found an empty couch.

“I want to stay here.” He said quietly against Richie’s chest. “Forever. Don’t want to go back.”

“Then stay. Stay with me.”

After basking in the afterglow, repeating sweet words to each other, kissing until he lips felt swollen, Eddie finally tore himself away and dressed. Richie followed him to the door clad in only briefs, pressing one last breath stealing kiss to his lips before letting him return down the hall. After he disappeared behind the closed door, Richie close his own and leaned against the cold wood, typing out a text in their group chat.

*

Sonia woke Monday morning in her son’s bed. He’d been nice enough to change the sheets for her the night before. She wouldn’t have complained but then again, she didn’t know what had transpired on the previous sheets the night before. Had she known, she would have likely taken the entire mattress out back and burned it in the alleyway. Eddie had made up an excuse about her deserving fresh, clean sheets to sleep on. She didn’t fight him on it.

It was 9am. Eddie could be heard moving around somewhere down the hall. Muffled voices drifted through the door. The TV or maybe the radio. She remembered Eddie liked to listen to music when he did homework as a teenager. Though she tried to discourage it, telling him it was a distraction from his studies.

Normally when she came for a visit, she’d smell breakfast already cooking when she got up. As she slipped into her slippers and threw on her robe, there were so smells of eggs, bacon and toast in the room. Odd. Perhaps Eddie wanted to take her out for breakfast again.

When she opened the door, before she could step out into the hallway, someone rushed from the bathroom, a box in their hands. She watched them head into the living room and disappear when they turned. She didn’t see their face; wasn’t sure she knew who it was. Surely a burglar wouldn’t steal toiletries. However, if it was a thief, what of her son who slept on the couch?

She steeled herself, and stomped down the hall, letting whoever was in the apartment know that she was coming. The living room was full of the people Eddie called his friends. They were putting things into boxes, some carrying them out into the hall. Eddie wasn’t there. They each looked at her but didn’t greet her or acknowledge that they saw her.

A clink in the kitchen had her heading that way. Eddie was near the pantry, pulling out boxes and bags and putting them into a box on the floor. That obnoxious boy with the glasses was wrapping coffee mugs in kitchen towels and putting them in another small box. He looked up when he saw her, his eyes growing slightly wide.

“Uh…hey Eds.” He called.

Eddie poked his head out from behind the pantry door and when he saw his mother standing there he merely turned back to Richie and shrugged.

“Leave the plates and bowels. The drinking glasses are mine though.” He instructed, lifting the full box of food onto the counter and folding down the top.

“Eddie, what on Earth is going on?” Sonia demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’m packing.” He didn’t even look at her.

“Packing? For what?”

“You told me to break up with Richie or you’d stop supporting me. So, I’m moving in with Richie.”

Sonia’s mouth fell open, then closed, then back open much like a fish out of water gasping for breath. Eddie ignored her. It was killing him not to look at her face to see how she was reacting. His heart was beating so fast and he was barely able to control the shaking of his hands. He couldn’t break. Wouldn’t let her know he was still afraid of her, of what she might do. He wasn’t the little boy who might be kept home “sick” from school for a week because he was playing tag on the playground and came home with a scraped knee. He was an adult. A fairly new adult, still figuring things out on his own and making mistakes, but old enough to not be under her control anymore.

Richie, on the other hand, was watching her every move. Daring her to do anything that might hurt Eddie. After another moment of staring with her mouth hanging open, she finally turned on her heel and marched back down the hallway. Eddie let out a little shaky breath, looking to Richie for silent support.

He wasn’t sure what she would do, but a few ideas had run through his head the night before. Taking everything from the boxes and breaking it, calling the police to say she was being robbed or he was being kidnapped, or going completely out of her mind and attacking Richie. Not saying anything and going back to the room was not one he’d planned for. He peeked into the living room at the others. The front door was open, Ben and Mike were out in the hall, boxes in their hands, waiting. Bill, Bev and Stan were in the living room. She was folding a blanket to carry down the hall, Stan was sat in front of the TV, loading DVDs and books into a box. Bill was at the hall closet, an arm full of coats and jackets. They were all looking at Eddie, waiting to see how he would react. Whether or not things were about to get bad. He shrugged and shook his head, indicating he didn’t know what was happening.

Distant thumps could be heard from behind his closed bedroom door. Maybe she was breaking things after all. He didn’t care. Everything he had could be replaced. He just wanted whatever was going to happen to happen so he could be free. Maybe she’d beg. He would say no though. Maybe not a no to seeing her again, but no to staying under her thumb. She might say she was wrong, and he can keep seeing Richie, but he knew better. She’d change her mind later; decide he couldn’t be with him and she would threaten it all over.

How many times in his life had she done the same thing? Giving him false hope just to snag what he wanted out of his reach again. Like the time in eighth grade when the entire grade went to an amusement park before middle school graduation. He’d begged her to let him go, promised to stay off the rides and just play games. She took the permission slip and said she’d think about it, discussed it with him at dinner every night the week leading up and then the day the permission slip was due, told him it was too dangerous and he couldn’t go. She’d known all along she was going to say no but let him believe he had a chance of having fun with the rest of his class anyway. He’d been so upset he’d spent lunch that day hiding in the dugout on the field with Stan and Ben, crying. They’d brought him a t-shirt and some fried food they’d smuggled on the bus. It just wasn’t the same though.

Eddie jumped when the door to his bedroom slammed open, smacking against the wall. Richie abandoned the box he’d been packing and stood in front of Eddie, just in case. Ben and Mike cleared the doorway, joining the others in the living room. A second later, out came Sonia with her bag, angrily putting on her jacket. She looked into the kitchen at Eddie, flames alight in her eyes.

“You think they care about you now, but just you wait. They’ll turn on you and cast you aside. They’ll take everything they can from you until you’re broken and alone and then who will you crawl back to? Me.” She was practically spitting, her hair a mess and getting worse with each jerky movement she made. “No one will ever love you as much as I do, Eddie. No one.”

With that, she turned and stomped to the front door, kicking a box out of her way and disappearing into the hallway. They all stood silent, waiting a heartbeat until they heard the elevator ding. The doors opened and then closed, followed by silence. Ben peeked out into the hall to be sure she was gone.

“Coast is clear.” He smiled.

Everyone visibly deflated and let out a collective sigh. Eddie was a bit in disbelief that it had been so easy. He knew she wouldn’t give up too easily and would most definitely call him every hour for the next few months, but she’d left without much of a fight. He brushed past Richie and headed toward his bedroom to assess any damage. Surprisingly, nothing was broken or missing. The bed was disheveled from sleep and her hastily putting her things together but that was all.

Richie appeared beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You ok?”

Eddie sighed. “Yea. I’m good. Just kind of…shocked. She didn’t even try to force me to go with her.”

“I mean…it was seven against one. She probably figured the odds of success were against her.”

“She’ll just wait until I’m alone then, throw a bag over my head and force me into the car.” Eddie was only half joking. She was more likely to use chloroform.

Richie’s face would have been comical if tension hadn’t been so high just moments before. “Alright, so what you’re saying is, we can’t leave you alone for even a second.”

“What are you going to do, surround me like the secret service?” Eddie grinned, then upon seeing Richie’s own smile, immediately followed with, “no, no. That was a joke. Do not do that.”

“Sorry Eds, but you know you shouldn’t put these ideas into my head. Whatever happens now is out of my hands.”

Eddie was ready to pummel him when Mike appeared at the end of the hall. “Hey, we’ve got everything you said from the living room, closet and bathroom packed up. Should we just run it down the hall?”

“Yea, thanks Mikey.” Richie said, handing him his apartment keys from his pocket. “Just start piling things up in the living room.”

“Got it.” Mike took the keys and a second later his voice was heard in the living room telling the others what to do.

Richie turned back to Eddie. “Wanna start on the bedroom now?”

Eddie looked back into his room. “Yea, but…are you sure there’s room for me? I don’t want to impose.”

“There is more than enough room for you. Besides, I’ve been meaning to go through and get rid of some things. They can complete their life cycle with me, back at the thrift shop for the next broke guy with no taste.” He grinned when Eddie laughed. “If it gets too cramped we can start looking for a bigger place, ok?”

“Ok.”

Eddie looked toward the living room, his smile falling away and his eyebrows furrowing together. “What are you thinking?” Richie asked, reaching out to smooth the line between his eyebrows with his thumb.

“I’m wondering if she’ll notice if we steal the couch.” Eddie said, looking back to Richie.

Richie put a hand to his chest, mouth falling open in mock offence. “Are you saying that you’re too good for my beanbags now? I thought you liked them.”

“I do, the beanbags stay, I’m saying I want something to sit on sometimes that doesn’t hold onto my ass and refuse to let go.”

“Now you’re too good for my lap too?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but the smile was too obvious to hide. “Shut up and help me pack, asshole.”

*

Several hours later when everything was safely down the hall in Richie’s apartment, Eddie did one more walk through to make sure they didn’t forget anything. They treated their friends to pizza and beer before seeing them off for the night. Eddie flopped down on one of the beanbags feeling drained. It had taken longer than he’d expected to get everything together. Richie was insistent on getting rid of a bunch of his stuff, a plan for the following weekend when they’d both have free time again. They both had a week of classes, work and job hunting ahead of them.

Eddie dragged one of the beanbags over next to Eddie and sat, handing him a newly opened bottle of beer. He mumbled a thanks as he took it. It didn’t feel real yet. He’d spent nights at Richie’s before and that’s all this felt like. Another night at his boyfriend’s place…surrounded by boxes of his belongings. Belongings that would have to stay in boxes until they could find space for everything. Perishable foods were the only things to be put away before exhaustion took over.

“How are you feeling?” Richie asked, grateful for their friends but also glad to finally have a moment of peace with just Eddie.

“Tired, anxious. I don’t want to go to class tomorrow. I’ve never skipped it but…I don’t know, maybe I need a day.” He sighed.

“So, take a day. The last two days have been stressful. If you need a day to sleep and recover mentally then take it. Unfortunately, I can’t blow off work, but I’ll skip my class too and come home. Maybe bring lunch and some coffee?”

“Well, I’ll feel bad if I’m the reason you skip but that does sound nice.” Eddie said, leaning over and resting his head against Richie’s shoulder. Richie’s arm came up around his back, landing softly on top of Eddie’s head and slowly stroking down to his neck. “Bring me some baked goods too?” He asked.

“Absolutely. We’ve got way more than we could ever sell right now so I’ll bring home a bucket full. We can sit on the beanbags, watch dumb movies and get fat all afternoon and evening.”

“Sounds perfect.” Eddie hummed.

After they finished off their drinks they cleaned up the remaining mess from dinner and collapsed into bed, shucking off jeans in the process. They’d ended up deciding the steal the mattress after all. Ben had helped Richie switch them out, carrying the old one down to the dumpster. Eddie didn’t even mind Richie’s mismatched sheets because it smelled of him, though having the real thing next to him was so much better. With the lights flipped off, the only noise from the busy street beyond the window and Penny moving about her home, things were peaceful. Richie wrapped Eddie up in his arms, pulling the blanket up over their shoulders to prevent the cold from seeping in and they slept.

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #It (2017) #it (2019) #Ro writes

[parkaiur]

Snowy Days - Jihoon

❀ genre: college life + romance + a dash of angst 

❀ word count: 5491

❀ a/n: just read the tags below but if ur too lazy to basically: don’t expect lots of updates and i just wrote this as a form of therapy for me. i guess i missed writing and needed to rant /shrugs/ 

also this title sucks but idk what to do with it either LMAO 

❀ ❀ ❀

It was a quiet, winter evening; the snow was gently falling outside and the laughter of college students filled the dorm hallways. 

I, on the other hand, was curled up in a ball on my bed, reading a book. The soft sounds of my hand turning the pages lulled me in a dreamland of swoon-worthy boys. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud bang. 

I flinched and jumped up on my bed to see what had dropped. 

“Sorry! Just dropped my pan, how’s it going?” I sighed thankfully, realizing it was just my roommate, Naeun. Naeun was a freshman like me; we hadn’t talked much before rooming together. We got along most of the time, but being around people just irked me sometimes.

I pointed at the book, trying to hide the girlish daze in my eyes. 

“Just reading, like usual.” I kept my words short, hoping she would get the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It wasn’t like I was mad at her or anything, but I need my breaks with all the socialness of college. I don’t think people understand how tiring it is for introverts to have to be “on” all the time; “on” meaning social. 

She nodded. “What book?” 

“It’s called ‘Win Some, Lose Some’ by Shay Savage. It’s a really amazing novel about a boy who was Autism and a girl who ...” I trailed off when I realized she had her back towards me. The sound of her pots and pans flying into her drawer was distracting. “A girl who befriends him basically. How was your day?” I asked politely. 

I braced myself for her long winded answer. Most people just say “good” or “it was pretty alright” but not Naeun, she pops off and talks about things no one really needs to know, and no one really cares. 

“It was okay. I saw one of my friends on campus and I waved to her because it’s so weird, right? Seeing people you know on such a large campus. And then I walked to English and my professor was just such in a good mood today, she’s so nice, I love her.” 

I smiled carefully, hoping she doesn’t realize how much I do not care about who she waves at or how her professor looks. 

“Then, I went to the library and did some of my math homework and I got started on the next chapter. And then I started to do my English homework which I got kind of stumped on. Anyway, all I could think about is this big burrito when I was studying.” She took out two large burritos and plopped them on a blue plate. 

I nodded and told her I was going to go back to my book. She nodded and right as I was about to plug in my earbuds to drown out her voice while I read, she stopped me with her voice.

“Hey, I’m bored, do you think Ahyoung and Somi are busy?” I took out my earbuds once more and shrugged. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm. Is it cool if I invite them over? I mean, you don’t have to say yes if you just want to be alone, I know how you get like that.” 

I forced an awkward smile. “Um, I actually want to just chill and be alone, but you can always go to their rooms... they live in the same building.” I tried not to let my annoyance show in my voice, but it was rising. 

She furrowed her brows and sighed. “Yeah, but they’re so far...” She whined. 

Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t roll your eyes. 

“I mean, they always come to our dorm, maybe go to them today?” I really didn’t care what she did, I just wanted to be alone. 

I turned on my music and opened my book so I didn’t have to hear her complain. She went back on her phone and I was content reading in peace. 

Five minutes later, I heard loud knocking on the door. 

What? She did not just...

“Oh, hey, Ahyoung! How’s it going?” 

No way, she did not just invite people over after I told her not to. 

I felt my blood boil, but I tried to keep my calm. I was not going to make a scene, especially since Ahyoung was my friend. 

I locked eyes with Naeun, who I visibly glared at. 

“It’s chill, y/n, you don’t have to talk we are just gonna hang a bit and then go watch some TV.” 

I bit my tongue to not snap at her. Her insensitivity was rubbing me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to blow up. We were all adults here, I didn’t want to seem like a child who got irritated when they were forced to socialize with their mom’s friends. 

Soon, I heard another knock. 

“Hey, Sooyoung! Come in, we are picking a show to watch.” 

I tried to calm down and read my book, but when I say I want to be alone, I really mean I want to be alone. 

I felt myself boil over in anger as I could still hear them over my earbuds. Their laughter and constant chatter couldn’t be tuned out. 

“Ok, we are gonna go to the lounge and watch TV. High five!” Naeun held her hand right in front of my face and I hit it just to make her leave. I swear, I’d rather hit her face instead. 

As soon as I heard the door slam shut, I pulled out my earbuds and went to rinse my face. 

How insensitive of her! I explicitly told her not to invite anyone over to the dorm, and there she goes. She can’t walk up one flight of stairs to see our friends?? So fucking rude. 

Living in the dorms as an introverted person was terribly hard. I don’t even know if introverted is the right word for it anymore if I want to go days without talking to people. And it sucks when no one truly understands me and doesn’t take my words seriously. 

I groaned and stared at myself in the mirror.

“Just two more quarters and you’re free for the summer.” 

I sighed and wiped my face on my towel. 

College was hard. 

I had found my group in college, but unfortunately, I had made the same mistakes as I did in high school. First, I stayed connected with some friends from high school who I had planned on cutting off. And most importantly, I put too much time and effort into people who disrespect me and don’t care for me. 

And now I live with someone like that. 

It angered me to feel so out of place, so alone in the dorms even when I had friends. Whenever I wanted to escape, there was no where to go. All my friends were here. 

I clenched my fist. 

All of a sudden, I couldn’t just sit down and read. I glanced over in the corner of the room and saw the camera from my photography class sitting there. 

I looked outside my window and saw the soft snow falling down. 

I quickly pulled on a warm, puffy jacket, jeans, and headed out to take some photos with my trustworthy camera. 

-----

The air was colder than I remembered. I felt my nose crinkle as the wind blew snow into my nose. 

The city was beautiful; it was painted in white sparkles. I snapped a few photos and took a deep breath. 

I loved being outside and having no one notice me; this was one of my favorite things about living in the city and college in general. I snapped pictures of groups of people walking across the street. The blur of the street lights combined with the softness of the snow captivated me. 

“Some nice pics you got there.” 

I jumped at the voice and almost dropped my camera; thankfully, it’s always wrapped around my neck.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so scared.” 

I looked up and saw a boy around my age staring at me. And dang, was he cute. 

I thanked God for the weather because my cheeks were already red. 

“Uh, um, it’s fine.” I fibbed quickly. I felt awkward because I didn’t know how to act around guys my age, especially ones as cute as him. 

Be friendly, be friendly. He just wants to be friends.

“Um, I’m y/n by the way.” I took out my hand to shake his. He chuckled and reciprocated the action.

“Jihoon, Park Jihoon. You live in this building too?” He pointed at the building next door to me. I shook my head and watched as the snow fell onto my shoulders.

“Oh no, I live in this one.” He nodded. “Are you a freshman?” I asked. 

He laughed heartily. I liked how he didn’t hide his emotions. “Oh no, I’m a sophomore this year but I’m an RA in this building.” 

I made an “O” shape with my mouth. “Ah, a resident adviser. I’m applying to be one next year, kinda nervous but hopefully I’ll get the job.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh really? I rarely meet people who want to baby a bunch of freshmen.” I laughed at his comment. “But hey, it’d be cool if we were in the same dorm next year. You could teach me to take such pretty pictures.” I laughed and flipped through the photos on my camera out of habit.

“Don’t get your hopes up, I haven’t even been accepted for the job yet. Also, I’m taking photography 101 with Professor Lee Miyoung, I’m sure she’s a better teacher than I am.” I teased. 

He shrugged. “Well, I doubt she’s as pretty as you.” 

My heart froze. 

W-what? Did he just flirt with me? Oh god, what do I say now? How do I flirt back? I-

“Sorry, was that weird? I wanted to call you pretty but I didn’t mean to lowkey talk about a professor’s beauty either.” He looked mildly embarrassed when he shook out his hair full of snow. 

I gave him a small smile. “Um, no, not weird, it was actually kind of smooth. I don’t really know how to respond to flirting.” 

Oh my god. I just said that. 

His eyes lit up mischievously as I tried not to blush even harder.

“Oh flirting? Is that what we are doing?” He teased.

“Technically, that’s what you are doing.” He laughed loudly and his voice echoed throughout the streets. I only hoped to have that loud of a voice as an RA. 

“You got me there.” He then looked down at his watch and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

He looked up at me with his soft brown puppy eyes. I swear this guy is too cute to be real. “Um, my shift is starting soon.” He then took out his phone. “I know we just met, but you seem pretty cool-”

Before he could finish, I took his phone and typed in my number.

“There, now you can teach me how to be an RA and I can teach you how to take photos.” I said as confidently as I could. 

He seemed a bit surprised at my voice, but nodded.

“Sounds great, see you later.” He waved to be as he walked away, but slipped on a patch of snow. 

“Ah, be careful!” I shouted. He gave me a small smile and walked back into his dorm.

Well, at least this day ended on a high note. 

-----

“Hey, where’d you go last night? We were wondering where you were at.” 

I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go.

I bit back the words and forced a small smile. “Oh, I just went to take some photos for my photography class. The snow looked really pretty last night.” I left out the minor detail that a cute boy started to talk to me. I wanted to keep the giddiness to myself. 

“Oh cool. I just came back from the gym. I saw a really cute boy in there. He was really fit, dark skinned, dark hair. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. We didn’t get to talk because I was so out of breath, but I hope he’s at the gym again.” She went off without me asking her too. 

I understand that I’m being a bit tough on her, but she irritated me first by inviting people over when I told her not to. People always talk about communication in college, but sometimes people just don’t listen to you. 

“Cool, hope you see him again.” I said nicely. I have to put on a nice face with my roommates, as I don’t want to be in an awkward living situation. 

“Yeah... how was your day today?” 

-----

“And then she just invited you guys over, disregarding what I had just said before! Isn’t that rude?” I voiced to Ahyoung, my best friend. I’d known her before going to college, well, I’ve known her since we were 8. 

She looked a bit hesitant on what to say. 

I went on about the situation. “I’m not saying I hate seeing you guys, but you know how I get when I want to be alone. I...I just want to be alone and it makes me crazy when I see people. Plus, I told Naeun I wanted to chill out and be alone and then she just invites you guys over, without telling me?? I’m not crazy.” I ranted. 

Ahyoung sighed and took a sip of her coffee filled with milk and sugar. 

“I mean, she did say she was inviting us over in the groupchat.” 

I glared at the younger girl. “Excuse me, I was sitting right next to her, she knows I didn’t check my phone. It’s rude to not tell your roommate you’re inviting people over, and it’s even ruder when we just talked about how I didn’t want her to invite people over. It’s not like she forgot within the five minutes.” 

“True. That wasn’t nice of her.” I noticed she hesitated on saying anything bad about her. We were all friends, but I was the one who had problems with friends in the group, as usual. I didn’t like very many people, but I was civil and nice to everyone; that’s what being an adult is all about. 

“Yeah...” I trailed off. I don’t know when it got so weird between us, but it felt like I couldn’t talk to my best friend about things in my life. I didn’t even tell her about the cute guy who flirted with me. Deep inside of me, I knew she didn’t deserve to know these things about me when she didn’t want to hear the bad parts of my life. 

It felt like everyone wants to be around me when I’m laughing and joking, never when I’m serious and want to talk about my feelings. No one wants to listen when I want to rant about real things in life, yet they love when someone rants about some “dumb” thing a girl did in the hallway. 

I didn’t get why they judged people before they knew them. I always tried to talk with people before I made judgements, yet people think it’s weird when I judge people I talk to. That’s the way you’re supposed to judge people... when you get to know them personally. Duh.

As I was talking, I saw her eyes focused on something far away from me. 

I turned around and saw her crush standing there. She stopped listening to me as he waved at her. I saw her eyes bright up when she saw him and I grew annoyed. I was telling her about something that was bothering me, and then she chooses a boy over me. Not cool. 

“Hello? Earth to Ahyoung??” I teased. She shrugged me off. 

“He’s so cute. I know he doesn’t like me, but I can’t help myself.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, he doesn’t like you and actually, he only dates white girls and you my friend, are not white.” I knew I was being harsh, but I hear about him every single second and it angers me when I want to vent about something in my life and she doesn’t think I’m as important as her crush.

She flinched at my harsh words. 

“You just wouldn’t understand, you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never been in love before.” She said matter of factly. 

Ouch. 

This was all true, but it hurt when she said it like that. I’ve never felt romantic love, wow, thanks for reminding me. Maybe I’m too busy taking care of my dumb friends who don’t care about me. 

Maybe.

-----

“Bye, see you later.” I waved her off as we both went to class.

As soon as I turned around, I saw a familiar face. 

Jihoon. 

I fixed my hair and prayed none of my mascara had smeared on my face. 

Be confident, make friends. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” He turned around with a confused look on his face. I felt a leap in my heart when he smiled at me.

“Oh hey y/n, it’s weird to see you without a camera.” He joked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat when he said my name; I was so used to people forgetting about me. 

“Hah, well it’s weird to see you in the daylight.” I joked. When I saw him left an eyebrow, I knew I said something wrong. 

I felt my face burn up at my own words. 

“Not like that.” I blubbered out. He let out a light laugh. 

“Well, I mean, you’re right.” He took note of my embarrassed state and changed the subject. “So, what class are you headed to?”

“History of the Ancient Greek and Roman worlds, how bout you?” 

“Woah, what an interesting class. I’m heading to choir practice actually.” That made me stop in my tracks.

“Wait, you sing?” 

He chuckled. “Yup, that is what you do in choir.” I felt a bit embarrassed at my statement. “I’m joking, I’m joking, but yes, I do sing. Have been doing so for my whole life.”

“I did choir up until high school, I didn’t feel good enough for college. I still don’t know how to read music and it’s been years.” 

“It’s hard, but you get used to it. You should give it a shot if you really want to though. Or come watch one of our performances.” I smiled at him.

“One day.” I stopped walking and pointed at the building in front of us. “This is me. I’ll see you later?” 

He nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you later.”

-----

Two weeks had passed and I hadn’t seen much of Jihoon. We waved to each other in passing, but it was midterms soon, and exams were the only thing on my mind. We sent each other memes daily though and we just got each other’s humor- that was rare. 

I was filling out my history study guide until I heard my roommate, Naeun, walk in.

“Hey, y/n~ Ahyoung, Sooyoung and I saw you talking to a boy yesterday~ Oooooooo what’s his name?” 

She sat right in front of me, not giving me any personal space. 

I tried not to blush but honestly, my face was turning red because I was so annoyed at her.

“His name is Jihoon. He’s an RA in the dorm next to us, we met at an RA informational meeting.” I lied. I didn’t want to tell her I ran out of the dorm because I couldn’t handle her and people.

“He’s cute, nice body too.” I felt a an overwhelming sense of jealously and protectiveness wash over me. I hated it. I didn’t want to be this person. I probably only felt this way because I didn’t like Naeun right now. 

“Yeah, you can have him if you want. I’m not into him.” I lied. 

She raised a brow. “Really? Don’t be upset if he falls for me then.” I knew she was joking when she flipped her hair dramatically, but I wasn’t into it. 

I felt my buried insecurities rise when I stared intensely at her face. Her eyebrows were neatly plucked, which I was always too scared to do. Her skin was tanned and even, not blotchy and red like mine. Her fashion was trendy and most boys liked her because of her socialness, on the contrary, I was awkward and mean to boys, unintentionally. 

I just went back to doing my homework, shaking off the comparison. 

-----

Later that night, I saw a message pop up in my texts which was weird because I usually mute everyone.

‘hey midterms are killing me and i dont understand anything... want ice cream?’ 

I tried not to laugh even though both my roommates were at the library. 

‘uhhh shouldnt u be studying if u dont understand anything?? mayb??’ 

‘LOL thats not how it works young padawan’ I rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s so much older than me. 

‘also I don’t eat ice cream, i don’t eat dairy’

‘... aight imma head out’ 

I snorted and tilted my head back in laughter. 

‘ok, no ice cream... what DO you like?’

You. I like you. 

... Definitely not sending that.

‘UMMM i like hot chocolate?’ 

‘okay, i’ll be at your dorm in 5. what is your room number again?’

‘303′ 

‘aight’ 

I looked down at short shorts and tank top and then at the harsh winds outside. I threw on a pair of cute leggings and a heavy sweater. I put on a black jacket over it and placed a beanie on my head. 

I did my brows and put on a few swipes of mascara. I carefully applied my lightly colored lip balm and sprayed face mist to look dewy and cute. 

Is this a date? Or is this just two friends being adventurous? 

Whatever, I want to look cute at least.

Seconds after I finish, I hear a knock at my door. I took a deep breath.

This isn’t a date. This isn’t a date. Calm down.

I opened the door. 

He was wearing a puffy jacket and dark black jeans that outlined his thigh muscles. Yum.

I also noticed he was wearing a gray beanie... which was identical to mine.

“Cute hat.” I noted. He grinned and tugged on my beanie. 

“Same goes for you. Ready for some hot chocolate?” 

“Yes, where are we going to get said chocolate caliente?” 

Jihoon gave me a weird look. “Chocolate what?” 

I stared at him, stunned. “Chocolate caliente. Caliente means hot in Spanish. Therefore, hot chocolate. You didn’t take Spanish in high school?” 

He shook his head. “Nope, I took Japanese because I’m a weeb.” I snorted. 

“Wow, I should be surprised but I’m not.” He pushed me playfully and I tried not to freak out over the warmth of his skin. 

“You’re telling me you don’t watch any anime?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I watch some anime. But am I full blown weeb... no.” 

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I can change that, don’t worry.”

“You still didn’t tell me where we are going.” My fingers felt crisp from the cold air. It wasn’t snowing tonight, but the ground was still white. 

“Aha, we are going to my favorite cafe called ‘Pink Heart Cafe’. It is decked in pink hearts.” 

“As expected from a Pink Heart Cafe.” I joked. In the near distance, I noticed a sign that had a baby pink heart that wrote ‘Pink Heart Cafe’ in cute lettering. 

I crinkled my nose from the cold air. “What, you don’t like pink?” 

“No, no, I love the color pink actually. It’s just kinda cold out here.” He nodded. 

“Maybe it would be warmed if we held hands... maybe.” 

For the first time, I felt comfortable with someone’s flirtatious comment.

I smirked and hooked my hand with his. I felt my heart beater faster. Much faster. And I loved it. 

I saw him smile widely and hide it with his hair. 

“I’m a lucky guy.” He whispered. 

We walked into the cafe. 

“Hi! Welcome to Pink Heart Cafe, for here or to go?” 

“For here, please.” The woman nodded. 

“Please take a seat. We will come take your order soon.”

We took our seats in the corner, next to the pink fairy lights. I was in love with the aesthetic. 

“Cute place. And fancy it seems, they come take our order at the table.” I sang a bit of Twice’s Fancy. 

“Oh gosh, you love Twice?? Me too!” I shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I mean, I like them, their songs are cute and catchy but I’m not a diehard fan.” 

He frowned. I can change that too. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically. “Wow, it seems like there are a lot of things you want to change about me. What do you even like about me?” I teased. 

He smiled harder and I noticed a blush on his face. 

“Uhhh, that’s a good question. I like... I like how you’re honest with your emotions. I like how you’re good at photography. I like that you want to become an RA because of the money and--” I gasped and pushed him on the arm.

“That’s not the only reason! Yes... the pay is good, but I like helping people.” 

Our laughter died down as he gazed at me intensely. 

“You like helping people? Tell me more about that.” 

I paused. No one had asked me that before. 

“Um, no one’s asked me that before. I guess I just like to see people happy. I like appealing to people’s emotions and most times, I’m pretty good at making people like me.” I said honestly. I saw his face light up at my words. “And I also want to be a teacher after I graduate, so being an RA would help improve my social skills and teach me how to interact with those younger than me and work through their problems. I don’t know, people say it’s hard and that it can be tough if kids come to you with suicidal thoughts and feelings of anxiety and depression, but I mean, I just want to do it and give back to the community somehow... I don’t know. ” I mumbled off, feeling like I said too much.

His gaze was so serious, I was scared I bored him to death.

He leaned closer to me and I freaked out. I held my breath, waiting for what was next until he spoke. 

“You’re so awesome.” He finally said. 

That... that was surprising.

“Um, thanks?”

“I’m serious! That’s so amazing why you want to be an RA. Honestly, I took up this job because it pays well and I’m good at talking to people, but sometimes I couldn’t care less about my residents. I like how you’re so kind to people.”

I laughed, “I’m not that nice.” 

“Yeah right, you were nice to me the first time we met. And I could’ve been a creepy dude and I almost made you break your camera.” 

“Well, I was nice to you because you are a cute boy.” He choked on his drink at my blunt words. I grew shy all of a sudden and laughed with him. 

“Jesus, give a boy a warning before you say such words.” He was pink in the face and I felt my heart warm. 

“It’s true, you are attractive. But it is also true that I’m not nice. My roommate is irritating the heck out of me and I have to tell myself every time I talk to her to say nice things and not hurt her feelings ‘cause she’s so damn sensitive.” 

He paused for a moment. I was nervous he would think I was a bad person. Which... technically is what I’m trying to convince him of. 

“Wow, you just got ten times nicer.” Now it was my turn to choke on my drink. 

“What? I just told you I have to force myself to be nice to my roommate even though I just want to snap at her all the time.” 

Jihoon leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face. “Exactly! Most people would’ve just called her a bitch and moved on! Moved out or from what I’ve seen, some girls do mean shit like throwing another girl’s clothes out of her closet or flirting with her boyfriend. You... you just be nice when someone is mean to you.”

“She’s not mean, just rubbing me the wrong way.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“See? You are still defending her even though I’m sure she’s putting you through more than other people would take.” 

I shrugged. “I don’t know, most people don’t take me seriously when I talk about it.” 

“Try me.” 

I hesitated at first, but when I saw his open and honest look, I spilled.

“Well, I’m quite an introverted person so I need my alone time. And when I told her, this was actually the night that I met you, um, I told her that I wanted to be alone. And then she invited people over to the room and yes, they left soon, but when I’m in my isolation mood, I just... I just don’t even want to look at people.” 

He stared at me with a curious look so I rambled on. “I know, it’s dumb-”

He placed a gentle hand on top of mine.

“No, that’s not dumb at all. She should’ve respected your words. I would be so mad. Give me more!” He pounded his fist on the table for dramatic effect. 

I felt my heart lighten when he wanted to hear more of my words. I was so used to people ignoring me and brushing over my concerns.

“Uh, well, just... well not just Naeun, my roommate, but some of my friends in the same dorm as me. They are just really judgmental and the negativity just pains me. I don’t like judging others before getting to know them, so hearing them talk bad about random people they don’t know just pains me. And I’m no saint, yes I judge people, but I make sure I talk to them first and get to know them before I make judgments.”

Jihoon smiled. “You keep getting better the more I get to know you. I do the same thing, my friends think I’m crazy when I say ‘hey that dude looks kinda mean and no one likes him, i’ll be friends with him’!” 

My eyes widened. “Oh my god, that’s how I met most of my friends!” 

We laughed as we bad mouthed our friends and the people who have hurt us. 

“Why do you stick with such crappy friends? No offense, you deserve so much better.” 

I shrugged. “I mean, everyone says that to me and truly, I don’t even know. I just feel so connected to them now and they have their good moments-”

“Good moments aren’t enough if they consistently hurt you.”

“I know, I know! I just... maybe I’m not that good of a person then if I stay with them. Like people say, you are who your friends are.” 

“That’s bull, you’re a good person, I know that. And your friends don’t even care to listen to you rant, I can tell I’m the first person you told all this stuff too because you have flames in your eyes. You deserve friends you can trust and are able to rant to. I promise.” 

I bit my lip, thinking of what to say. 

“Thank you, I guess I just think I am helping them by staying with them. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” 

“Just know that you have me now, and if you ever need to rant or vent or whatever, I’m here for you. You have me now.” 

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. I know he meant it, it was written all over his face. 

I nodded slowly, accepting the moment we were having. 

We sat in a moment of silence until the waiter came for the check.

I dug through my pockets to get out the ten dollar bill I stuffed in there. 

“Hah funny,” Jihoon chided when he whipped out his card before I could do anything. I gasped. 

“Ah, Jihoon, I brought money!” 

He tsked and stood when the waiter gave him his card back. “Yeah right, I’d never let a girl pay on the first date, that’s like... illegal.” I rolled my eyes, until I realized what he had just admit.

“Date?” I questioned carefully. 

He looked away from my gaze, like he didn’t mean to say the word. 

“Yes... date. Do you have a problem with that?” 

I grinned.

“Nope.”

#treasure #ygtb #yg treasure box #park jihoon #treasure scenarios #park jihoon scenarios #jihoon scenarios #ygtb scenarios #yg treasure box scenarios #treasure imagines #jihoon imagines #park jihoon imagines #... coming out of a hiatus for a bit? #dont expect any more stories from me tho... #i just wrote this when i was going thru a tough time #i needed to write for therapy #i contemplated a lot b4 posting thi #but my college life has been good and bad #/shrugs/ #idk man im just acting how i feel rn #i may delete later but who knows #ig feel free to send in asks if u rly want to #if anyone even cares abt my blog anymore LOL #this feels so weird to do again #update: i privated this story a while back but im angsty again so here u go

[tirednotflirting]

(hopefully did this right? we’ll see)

i was tagged by @escapesos​, @clumsyclifford​, @lukehummingbirdz​, and @simp4calum​ to do this guy! so thnx pals <3

haven’t been online much to know who has done this yet so I’m gonna tag @kaleidoscopeminds​, @calumcest​, @mashlums​, and anybody else still wanting to give it a go :)

here’s the link to do ur own !!!

alright and now onward with my rambling :))))

1. 1989 (deluxe edition) - taylor swift: picking a taylor album was HARD and ultimately 1989 probably isn’t even my favorite taylor album but its the one with the most impact in my life i think. i have this insanely clear memory of sitting in my car the first time i heard ‘wonderland’ and ‘clean’ and just crying like a BABY. up to that point it had been the biggest leap and risk she had taken in her sound and it was just such a joy to step into the planning of a new phase of my life with this album playing in the background. i had always been a taylor fan but for some reason this was the first of her albums (likely due a lot to age but eh) that i heard myself and my experiences in.

2. meet you there tour live - 5 seconds of summer: so (perhaps?) oddly enough this was actually the 5sos album that got me here into this space online. their first two records just didn’t really end up on my radar and while i loved youngblood when it dropped earlier that year, there was something missing in the sound of it at the time to really pull me into the band and their fanbase. and then i got babylon (live) our national anthem on a discover weekly or something and just FELL IN LOVE. like listened to this album only for probably 3 months straight fell in love. 5sos has been the first band whose fanbase i’ve found a home in and quite literally the people i’ve had the opportunity to cross paths with bc of this band are some of the only ones who have made these last six months tolerable. i’m so stupid thankful to 5sos and idk i’m kinda glad that this was the record they put out that brought me in. there’s a lot of them in this live record in a different way than their studio records.

3. BADLANDS (Live at Webster Hall) - halsey: okay anybody in the club seeing this specific choice is not even the slightest bit surprised like i am literally listening to it AS I TYPE THIS. as i’ve discussed many times with miss meg aka @kaleidoscopeminds​ i miss live music so much IT PAINS ME. so for one of my favorite records of all time to be released as a live concert album last month to celebrate five years since its release is basically a DREAM. the goddess that is halsey and her debut album found me at a hilariously low point in my life and it really brought me a sense of security i’ve never really gotten from another record. it’s so dreamy and LOUD and the perfect highway driving album it was such an ESCAPE. i could talk for days about this album but i’m just on another planet w this live album like she creates such a VISION w the live show for this and you can HEAR IT. more live albums 2k20

4. melodrama - lorde: our LORDE AND SAVIOR AMIRIGHT. this is another one kinda like badlands that sends me off into like a dreamland of color and sound and escape. lorde i think is only really capable of making perfect albums (perfect places amiright??? sorry). she’s such a patient and practiced artist with the way she writes both lyrics and music and it’s an album that i know i’ll be able to turn on in 40 years and just be swept back into my soph year of uni with the blink of an eye. supercut hits particularly deep but also sober and the louvre have such a youthful energy like they’re BURSTING w it. 

5. modern vampires of the city - vampire weekend: so excluding the ones i got once i had my car bc i didn’t have an aux in that car, this was the last CD i think i bought with the intention to listen to it on a CD player (still objectively late for that it was 2013). my favorite music moment in like modern times is on this record. it’s at 2:42 in ‘hannah hunt’ and i think it’s just the most happy/sad piano melody i’ve ever heard. last summer i had the chance to see this band for the first time while they were touring their most recent record and it was at a taping for ACL Live and no one was allowed to have their phones out during the taping and i think it was one of the most perfect moments i’ve ever experienced. VW just makes such simply good and beautiful music and this record shows that especially.

6. bad ideas - tessa violet: tessa’s music says so many things but i think most importantly it says “you’re going to experience bad things and they might even be your fault for some reason or another but it’s okay because you will be okay and you will grow and be better for it”. her music is so much about accepting the way your brain works and using that knowledge to better yourself and your decision making rather than letting it tear you apart. i saw her last fall and all i could think about when i left the show was how important it felt for me to be there. like i had been told and seen something impactful on a personal level, not just because it was a damn good show. i suggest listening to this album front to back bc it tells a really specific and detailed story that way. i’ve learned a lot from miss tessa.

7. some nights - fun.: (god i pulled it up just to get in the zone for this one and jesus christ). so in 2012 my life changed a LOT. so much good and bad that its hard to pick out what was what but i DO KNOW that the music was incredible. in 2012 i met the first person who would break my heart (i think?), i started high school, i met some of my best friends at camp, my dad moved and i had to move into a really toxic environment, i had my first marching season, and i spent three months straight that summer listening to this record. i hear this record and i think of climbing up on the roof w my best friend to sing and laugh and watch the stars and make up stories of how amazing perfect high school was going to be. i don’t have those stories or even that friend anymore. but i have this album. it’s like 50 min of pure nostalgia and impossible to not include here. and OF COURSE it’s a jack antonoff project djfkalgfj

always saying too much and nothing at all amiright? a regular ashton irwin over here. if you actually read this ur a real trooper lol

#i got so rambly on this omg sjkdfjaldfj #i love music so much wtf #makes life worth living ya know? #wow i really said jack antonoff rights with almost half of this list lmao

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

#spinel x reader #spinel #su #steven universe #spinel self insert #fic #my fic #devils ballroom #look. im not sorry yall. i promise next chapter youll get what u want LMFAO