#*points to when it happened to me irl & how i got erased out of my own identity and the thrown back into the straight category for being bi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

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SAGAU / Isekai Genshin:

You can still use your characters! ... as in possessing them 👻

(all art by me down below, hope its decent lol - did it for u guys and myself i mean what )

Edit 9/7/23: 1,500+ NOTES??? BRO WHAT!! THABK YOU <3

Edit 12/24/23 + 4/5/24:

☆

My dumbass forgot to put this here .-.

Anywya this is a full length fanfic now ;)

PART 1 (you're here!) / Part 2

So.

You got sucked into a video game.

Crazy, but it happens ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

yknow how it issss

...you very quickly discover that unfortunately video game rules still apply...

which wouldn't normally be an issue! like, needing to use the bathroom in the middle of a fight? Nope! minor cuts and bruises like papercuts, only actual enemies or fall damage counting? hell yeah that'd be great (theoretically no chronic pains if you got that?? hmmmm unsure)

see the issue comes when you realize, you as a player, don't have a "character" that's all your own

there's aether/lumine yeah.. but bc the game's real now, they're their own people, and you didn't wake up to find yourself as a blonde twin...

the closest you can describe your form as is .. like a seelie?

or like the way ghosts look in game?

but a lot more "starry"

like your specterlike, but you look like you got filled up with stars and the milky way, maybe a reference of you being from another universe/world? (aether/lumine/dainsleif/khaenriah star symbol reference secret thEORY-)

but yah.

you also got just, white eyes.

like, not iris, not pupil. like your pupil and iris got erased

you gotta admit, at least you look really aesthetic now.

(u also got a little cape and hood on at all times, and you cant take it off to see your starrified hair >:/ ,very Blue Diamond-esque, look up Steven Universe, Blue Diamond if you dont know who im talking about)

so needless to say, as soon as you sort of glitched your way into existence you were HYPE

i mean ur ACTUALLY IN TEYVAT WITH THE BOYSSSS

...then you realize your a spooky-no-character-to-pilot-around-thus-no-character-model-body-for-you thingy

and that you cant touch stuff!! >:(

like wth!!!

thats just downright unfair.

so, you figure if you got no body to be.... you gotta find a new "character" to pilot >:)

...

I choose you, yellow fungi!

...

....

you're in the fucking woods (Sumeru somewhere obv, u knew that the moment you opened ur eyes),

what'd you expect?? an archon??

..wait a minute. can you possess an archon-

these kinda thoughts plague your first few days of irl genshin impact playing

a rishabold tiger? yep.

a sumpter beast? kinda slow and heavy feeling but yeah.

...you also try a ruin machine LOL

by far, the fungi and ruin machines are the best to possess, mostly because you can remain upright with those

(tho u did find some type of flying monkey that wasnt in game, but its like,, a real world and jungle now so that makes sense there'd be more complexity + stuff)

you do eventually think you should try and possess a person at this point... but ur kinda nervous 👉👈

its ur first time doin this okay nobody explained the basics to you youve been winging for a week now!

will your mind be replaced with theirs? it hasn't been so far with the creatures/bots

and as far as you can tell, they kinda just-

forget what happened or "wake up" after you possess them

(the tiger you were for a day looked confused as hell when it realized that there was a new pile of fruit next to it when it "woke up", it was your way of saying thank you to the animals of the jungle, u left them little piles of food you collected running around as them)

so THEORHETICALLY-

you should be good to go and possess a random poor eremite

... you figure you want to possess something human-like eventually even if you get a puppet body like wanderer/raiden so...

here goes nothing...

♤

so it's been 2 weeks since you've been forcefully yanked into teyvat, and by the second week, you were trying to possess eremites

which! worked out!

mostly..!

you kinda convinced the entirety of two eremite camps that a certain part one of sumeru's forests is hella haunted bc ppl keep "blacking out" and doing things they don't remember doing, yknow... like possesssion LMAO

they kinda ran off to escape you but, hey!

experiment #2: people possession, success!!

now you were kinda convinced of this when you realized no matter the angle the animals and machines of sumeru didnt react to you getting super close to them (you dont have to touch something to posses it, just look at it really, but you wanted to test limits, so you walked up to sumpter beasts and fungi and ruin machines)

but no one can see you.

you don't have a "character" most of the time, you can float and glide around the ground like scaramouche lol

you cant touch stuff bc of this, you cant smell stuff (u saw the eremites campfires & couldnt smell the smoke until you were them)

you cant eat stuff w/o a body, so.. it makes sense that the eremites and passing merchants, cant see you when you float around, trying to reorient yourself after 2 weeks of experimenting

:( ur only a lil sad about it... but mostly not bc lol u got possession powers so trade off u guess

the first time you see a vision-bearer you literally scream

LMAO

ur so lucky u cant be seen or heard

bc Collei would have def screamed back lol

needless to say u stalk the forest ranger- ALL DAY.

Collei goes on patrol around the woods? you go on a patrol.

collei goes to visit other forest rangers? you "visit" other forest rangers at base (lol u def possess a guy who was asleep on a bench nearby & wake up to go talk to Collei "in-person", poor guy was so worried he sleep walked/talked so hard he went to see Tighnari an hour later lmao)

welp, you decide this is your life now, follow Collei everywhere, talk one-sided to Collei until you can possess a forest ranger w/o it being suspicious (dont wanna turn the poor rangers into the terrified eremites from a week or two ago...)

then, after you get the courage and erase the paranoia that tighnari can just... somehow hear your ghostly bullshit-

u do the same to Tighnari (then Cyno when he visits! no u didnt squeal, so what, nobody can hear you- )

♧

Tighnari begins to get suspicious about 3 weeks into this routine.

he's been starting to collect and start a file on all the rangers or nearby villagers that've started randomly "blacking out/sleep walking" in the evenings usually

(u possess as close to nighttime as u can so it seems like sleepwalking)

So when Cyno comes back from a mission gone wrong,

having nearly been decapitated by a rogue flying ruin machine, only to black out and come to standing calmly 10 feet further than he remembered being 1 minute ago...

Tighnari's suspicions are confirmed, and he launches into researching this phenomenon.

his first thought is something like the aranara, but that doesn't account for the effect this thing is having on people

after all, what little forest spirit is strong enough to-

-control humans??

Tighnari begins to get the sense he's in over his head after he finds himself pushed into going into Sumeru City in order to collect more library books or ask around if the blackouts have spread to the city people

he answer is negative, on both accounts.

and he spends about one half of the day walking around, and the other reading up all he can on mythical creatures or ailments

Tighnari gives up for the day, and as he makes his way back to Ghandarvaville, he almost gets ambushed by some particularly nasty muggers

...and then he wakes up 20 feet away, his denro vision thrumming with power, full of worry and fondness for himself??, (just like Cyno said he felt happen to him..)

...Tighnari decides he needs reinforcements.

YOU GUYS-

UR LOCAL ZODIAC SIGN OBSESSED W/GENSHIN HIT A CHARACTER LIMIT ON A POST FINALLY. 😦

??? THIS WOULDVE BEEN LONGER BUT I BARELY GOT SPACE FOR THIS- I- EVEN THE QIQI POST DIDNT HIT LIMIT-

uh cya ig!!

Safe travels lmao,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist @revonie / @hat-on-a-cat / @takottai / @sickly-falling (?) / @iruiji

(Sorry about the late tag! I forgot to update my taglist before i posted this 💀 my bad guys)

Also if the people who got put there who i couldnt find a blog for see this, idk what went wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - maybe check and see if ur setting for "being able to be searched/looked up" is turned on?? Idk man

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courtney-deserved-better · 3 months

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thoughts on the gen2 cast? hope ur having a lovely valentines day btw!

thank you! i had to work on valentines day but my coworkers had a little dance party and passed out chocolates and flowers and it was very sweet. anyway here are my thoughts:

anne maria - love her!! she's so fun and deserved better. i feel like i struggle to write her though

b - he also deserved better. trans and deaf king in my heart

brick - i feel like we'd get along irl. also deserved better but it was nice that he was respected for his elim by mike zoey cam

cameron - i wish i liked him more but he annoys me at times. has some great funny moments!

dakota - not a fan of the dakotazoid arc but i enjoyed her before that. i hc her and anne maria as latina and like to think they would chat in spanish while getting ready in the bathroom and sometimes mike (who i hc as latino) will join in (i love spanish-speaking hcs if you can't tell)

dawn - wish we got to see more of her. wish she was eviller. wish she had a proper rivalry with scott.

jo - she's so funny!! i feel like i struggle to write her too. if only i could get a better handle on her and anne maria i would write more jomaria

lightning - at first i thought he was annoying but now ive realized hes so fucking funny i wish he wasn't made a villain though that felt very shoehorned in

mike - pretty neutral, don't have a lot of dislikes when it comes to him but don't have a ton of likes either. i think if there was more time to explore his personality outside of his did i would enjoy him more (i would also love to see more of his alters they're so silly) he needs more screentime to just be mike outside of zoke and his did (but i understand why that didn't happen in a 13 ep season) (also that's not to erase his did i think that's an important part of him but for most of the show it feels like its the ONLY part of him) (this is a lot of description for a character im pretty neutral on. anyways)

sam - another character that annoyed me at first before i realized how delightfully silly he is

scott - funny scheming bastard man. wish we got to see a bit more sympathetic side to him

staci - pretty neutral, there's not much to go off of in canon but ive read some interesting headcanons/reworks of her personality

zoey - hmm. complicated. i would like her more if the narrative didn't overly favor her and could point out when she was being judgmental (and if she actually had growth, i read this great analysis years ago about how zoey as a character never internally changes from her first appearance to her last) it also bugs me how she has all these skills simply to serve the plot with no real explanation (i have a similar problem with julia but that's a post for another day)

#revenge of the island #ask #anon

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mattyknees · 10 months

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For the ask game, every multiple of 5.

bestie that's so many

5: what does your latest text from someone else say?

"This robot is trying so hard" in response to a youtube shorts link i sent

10: when is the last time you played the air guitar?

people actually do this??

15: do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind. always. i fucking hate getting my picture taken. froggie can attest to this after she made me get after i got BeReal

20: what is your greatest weakness; greatest strength?

damn we're going with the serious ones tonight aren't we? i like to think that, in face-to-face irl situations, i'm a good listener. i just fucking suck at responding. especially after my covid infection, i can't brain-to-mouth words anymore. the edit feature on imessage has helped this significantly since 99% of my interactions happen over that text platform but hooooooly shit i'm so bad at speaking

25: do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i really like facetime but i fucking HATE looking at myself in the little window so i'll usually point it directly at my ceiling unless it's with One Specific Friend, mostly bc she's already seen me naked so her seeing me at Not My Best isn't a big deal and also like. idk i just fucking Hate My Face lol

30: stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? do the same with your left.

since i'm in bed and the only thing to my right is... the air. pumpkin is directly in FRONT of my right arm so i'll go with that. my phone is in front of my left arm.

35: to you, what is the meaning of life?

dude i don't even know. fuck around and find out. see more than twelve thousand trees. don't tell your friends they do too much yoga. own a cat. have at least one sex-induced medical emergency. confuse a seagull for an eagle when you're high as shit and get laughed at for it. drink a truly on the beach and watch the tide come in. eat so many cherries you shit yourself forty five minutes later and don't regret a single second of it. buy all of the notebooks you see in the bookstore and don't write in any of them. sleep outside when it's warm enough. take care of a houseplant. go far enough away from the city to actually SEE the stars. work with children. cry because of a dumb movie. breathe.

40: do you drive? if so, have you ever crashed?

yes: coming home from the seattle/tacoma metro area i got hit by someone going 90mph (145 kph) on the interstate. genuinely thought i was fish food that day.

45: what's the worst injury you've ever had?

probably the time i attempted rifle and caught it w/ my skull instead of my hands.

50: do you believe in magic?

55: love or lust?

insert "why not both" gif

60: is there anything pink within ten feet of you?

yes, a couple things. a couple of bowls, a bag of potting soil, my sharps containers, some animal shaped erasers, a solid 50% of my sex toys are pink for some reason.

65: top five favorite blogs on tumblr?

peach, froggie, lou, steph, and vati

70: are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

i would choke me out without hesitation i do not understand how froggie tolerates me to be honest with you

75: what are the last four digits of your phone #

what are you a cop???

80: what size shoes do you wear

i don't know bc it's changed since i've started t and now none of my shoes fit

85: what's the last song you listened to?

i wanna get better by bleachers (title of my current wip comes from this song!)

90: you wake up to find that you're surrounded by mummies. they aren't doing anything, just standing around your bed. what do you do?

assume i'm dreaming and try to go back to bed

95: you just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. you have to depart right now. where are you going to go?

do i HAVE to??? i don't have a passport and i don't like airports :(

#asks #answered #anonymous #my post

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wixelt · 1 year

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Main thing aside from procrastination stopping me getting on with Hermitphibia is False’s lore. Feel like I need to wait things out before I write more for her & Anne.

...that said, i’ve had this one rattling about my brain for weeks, & recent revelations in the HC-Empires crossover have added to it:

Picture a time in mid-Season 1, before meeting Sasha & Scar, or even Grian. When False is the only Hermit Anne’s met, but definitely after the Snow Day incident.

False’s training of Anne is progressing well. Anne’s natural ability is impressing False, & the teen’s enthusiasm’s keeping things moving. False has even been trying to curb Anne’s less healthy tendencies, though doesn’t yet know their full extent & won’t for some time.

However, one thing False has noticed that’s really getting under her skin is Anne’s growing hero worship of her.

It was subtle at first in a “cool big sis” way, but its becoming clear Anne Boonchuy’s starting to see “Badass False Symmetry” as something to strive for. Comments made on Snow Day about how she would “never leave anyone to die” aren’t helping at all.

And putting aside False’s personal feelings, Anne’s done things that False recognizes as some of her own shortcomings. Things that have in past & present only caused problems.

And one evening, in the middle of Anne going on about how awesome her teacher is... False snaps.

She rather sharply exclaims that she isn’t some ideal to be looked up to. She might try to do the right thing & she knows her way around combat as if she were born to it, but she’s done things in the past. Bad things.

Things she can’t take back even if they were done with noble intentions, that were Anne to know the full extent of them would erase any ideas she has about False being a good person (i’m thinking both leaving Gem behind in S8 & the whole Empires!False debacle).

This completely throws Anne off as False is basically calling Anne a fool for liking her, & the blonde storms off before she can form a response. Cue an episode’s worth of shenanigans stemming from a crisis happening (maybe Night at the Inn) while both Anne & False are emotionally preoccupied, that’s largely resolved by Anne learning when to do what she views as right rather than following someone else’s moral compass, as well as teaming up with False & proving to the blonde that despite past mistakes, she is a good person at heart.

After this there’s an emotional talk, & False opens up a bit more to Anne about her past & the Hermits. At some point, Anne comments that the Hermits sound like one big dysfunctional but happy family & admits to being an only child. Sprig’s also a part of this conversation for a non-only child’s perspective, & gets a tad too invasive with questions:

“...Soooo, do you have any siblings, False? Um, actual ones, I mean.”

“Sprig!” Anne hissed.

“...One.” False replied quietly, suprising girl and frog alike. “A sister, but...”

False trails off, pulling an almost pained expression, & Anne gets the feeling this is a tricky subject that False isn’t quite ready to talk about with her, so lets it go for now.

Or in IRL terms, i’m waiting for the Twins!False arc to wrap so I can avoid contradictions, though i’m going to assume for clarity’s sake that by the time of the AU the other Hermits have long since discovered pre-S9 False was twin sisters living under one twin’s name, though i’ll avoid outright stating that in case False’s final lore proves to be a little different.

For now, though, the air’s been cleared between teacher & pupil, at least until the next crisis rears its ugly head.

And that’s more or less all i’ve got in the tank, for now. As always, i’ll happily answer any asks should anyone have any off the back of this. :)

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #hermitcraft au #hermitphibia au #falsesymmetry #empires!false #anne boonchuy #sprig plantar #amphibia #amphibia au

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blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda · 1 year

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idk if i’m being ridiculous. i truly just don’t know if im being ridiculous so i’m venting, but idk if im fucking being ridiculous. it’s hard to tell sometimes bc i feel sooo misunderstood is mostly it, but i also feel so alienated. i don’t feel like talking anymore. about really anything irl. im gonna be vague with this but i have invisible disabilities and trauma that make it so i don’t have much to give anymore. my energy is depleted. my energy reserve is depleted. i don’t have stored energy i have whatever i get from whatever sleep i get, if i even wake up with any energy, i have whatever’s left after my disabilities and trauma take what’s apparently theirs and not mine. i don’t have energy, but i still have to live and be an adult. and i’ve been dealing with this for a long time. im not optimistic about where things can go from here. and i think people just want to talk and say what they think and come up with all these build-it-yourself solutions that don’t play out that way for people like me. they want it simple and it’s not. it’s fucking twisted and complex. and i’m so, so tired. i’m tired of talking. i don’t want to talk to anyone around me and go in circles and leave feeling like it’ll never matter bc it’s easier for them to say i just want to be this way then, instead of the help isnt out there and it seems impossible to actually get what people like me need then what??? what do we do as a people?? what happens when we’re so without what we need and no one wants to give it and not enough ppl want to (or even can) do what it takes to fight for it?? not really. then fucking what??? that’s a harder conversation and if i bring that up to them i have to be able to answer that question and i’m just one very fucking exhausted, very fucking traumatized, very fucking disabled person in a world that wants to erase me. wants to silence me. wants to point the blame elsewhere if i end up dead bc it can’t be the state’s fault. i have to take responsibility for myself. rather than we as a community taking responsibly for the fact that we have deviated so far from who we used to be and how we used to support disabled people amongst our people. no, centuries and centuries of undoing that communal dynamic now falls on the shoulders of individuals who need help, but can’t fucking get it. and I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. not even with people who say they’re concerned bc their concern is always conditional. it always turns out to be conditional. and truly what can they do. it seems it has to be, to some extent, conditional. like honestly they fighting for their lives out here too. i just don’t want to talk about it with them bc i recognize they fighting in ways they shouldn’t be, but they think i’m choosing my unhappiness (as if it could be so simple as to just fucking be unhappiness fuck) if i don’t get past symptoms that come with being who i am then that’s what i chose for myself. bc i’m not allowed to say it’s just how i am, not to them. i’m not allowed to say to them that this is what having the disabilities and trauma i have does to me in particular. it’s different for everybody. I DIDN’T FUCKING CHOOSE THIS. but they found a way to live in their way so i have to be able to too. when really i just want [REDACTED]. i don’t want to fucking talk anymore. i don’t have anything to say anymore. sharing my thoughts here about this vampire show is what i got right now and i’m surprised my brain is even coming up with anything to say here bc when i say for months and months my brain had nothing! no ideas! no thoughts! no anything other than the darkest fucking shit to say if it did have a thought at all! i’m so, so tired. i don’t want to talk. i just don’t. and i’m tired of feeling like i’m being ridiculous when really not saying anything feels like self preservation.

#mw posts #mdl

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something-about-sunflowers · 2 years

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I appreciate you taking the time to answer but respectfully “Izzy doesn’t have the power to hurt Ed/didn’t say *what*” he was going to do” does not land for me. I was once “threatened” by a coworker IRL (I use quotes because my boss said “idfk why this guy would say something this creepy”) and his comments were easily as ambiguous as what Izzy said. “Better watch your step” is a power play, a reminder of your place. (1/2)

[And maybe Izzy was powerless because everyone hated him, but everyone hated this guy too, and he felt desperate enough to look me in the eyes and pull the institutional violence choke chain. Small, petty little men can still hurt you. I won’t bother you anymore and I appreciate your time, but I cannot go down an endless mental rabbit hole of semantics. I did not carry a box cutter in my work coat pocket for a year over semantics. (2/2)]

Anon, genuinely, I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. I've been through something similar, not the same, but similar enough I can commiserate.

That said? It's really. . . not the same? And I think you're maybe projecting your own feelings onto the characters in ways that don't entirely fit, given the context? Because the context is important.

I'm sorry, I suppose, that my response didn't 'land' for you but, like, that doesn't erase the validity of what I said? In the context of the show, where this all matters, Izzy can't actually hurt Ed. Point blank. His threat is an empty one because he can't act on it. I'm not saying Ed didn't treat like it was an actual threat (Though I will maintain that premeditated, hours after the fact, maiming isn't the go-to response to a threat, and I think that sheds some light onto how Ed perceived it, regardless of his words.), only that Izzy talks a lot of shit but won't follow through.

Its not 'maybe Izzy is powerless because everybody hates him', he was literally going to die because everybody hates him. That's the text. He is powerless on The Revenge. Sure, 'watch your step' is a power-play but Izzy has no power to back it up. He is not your co-worker who lives in the modern world, where 'murdering a guy you don't like/who insulted you/who threatened you' is frowned upon. He's a pirate. I'm sorry it seems like your co-worker got away with his shitty behavior (its hard to tell with your phrasing) but Izzy is not your shitty co-worker.

Its not 'semantics' to point out when someone is making an empty threat. And I think its poor form to base your media analysis on your trauma informed interpretation (as in, you are viewing it through a biased lens because of this traumatic thing that happened to you), and to dismiss other reads because they 'don't land' with you. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you, I wish it hadn't, but this is not the same situation.

#the dork is being a dork #the dork answers #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #this is going to come out harsh so im going to say this in the tags but #the world does not center around you and your experiences #nor do other people's stories and/or interpretations of those stories #your bad experience does not inform what the story is actually saying #i have plenty of trauma that colors my initial reaction to a lot of the story being told #but i also know that this story isnt about MY trauma and im able to separate the two #to both enjoy the show and the characters #and to not let it color my ACTUAL interpretation of the show

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wingsofescape · 3 months

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DVD Commentary: "They’re trying to erase history.” Ed sounded horrified. “Anything that could counter their arguments would be destroyed, so it looks like everyone agreed with them.”

“You got it. They’re taking books and works from universities, too. Al told me–”

Winry froze. The sound of a body slamming against the wall rang in her ears, followed by Ed’s furious sneer.

“You know where Al is?!”

———————————————

“I’m sorry,” Fritz said as he rearranged his monocle and massaged his shoulder. “Al told me not to say anything until you’d gotten your drinking under control. I was going to tell you tonight.”

“How did you even know–”

Fritz cast him a long look. “Edward. No offence, but it was becoming glaringly obvious.

“Al called me the night he left. He asked me to keep an eye on you in case things got really bad. He hoped you would have a wake-up call and finally quit, but he was worried it might be your breaking point, too.”

Ed stared at him, feeling every muscle relax one by one and his anger be washed away in a syphoning sound of relief and shame.

Al was okay. Al still cared enough to ask Fritz to keep an eye out for him. Al had been worried about his shitty excuse of a brother. It made Ed’s heart break into a million fragments, a kaleidoscope of undeserved love and crushing guilt.

“Where- where is he?” He croaked." What were some other Fritz scenes that you considered for this? What behind the scenes can you share between Al and Fritz and what it was like for Fritz to watch his friend/employee descend into alcoholism and then later be left alone with no clue about a sobriety journey? Very intrigued!!

Hello hello and thank you for your question!

SO (I had to dig out my outlining notebook for this) in the very first version Fritz was supposed to voluntarily say that he had heard from Al and that would be the thing that prompted Ed's recovery and withdrawal process. But then I thought that Ed's motivation had to be as internal as possible and it would make more sense to have him already started the process and hearing about Al is the thing that prompts him to really take his recovery seriously. Also I found the thought of Fritz getting slam-dunked into a wall for hiding stuff really funny.

On another note I find Fritz's dual function as both comedic relief but also historical exposition really fun to use. He gets thrown into a wall but we also get to learn about the world in 1933 and his struggle as a Jewish person living in Nazi Germany. His divorce with Thea Harbou was finalised on April 20th, 1933, and she did give a pro-choice speech a few years prior. And yes, his meeting with Goebbels actually happened (also parallels a similar meeting Winry had in her past hint hint if you've read chapter 11)

That's a very good question! Fritz has known Ed since Ed was 18 and Al since he was a teenager. He's watched them both grow into adulthood and likely used Ed for research purposes into his films (he had Oberth as a consultant for Woman On The Moon IRL). He's seen Ed struggle to find the balance between being a brother but also having to parent Al through the teenage years, he's seen Ed be in love with Noah and have a home with her and Al and seen that home be obliterated by Ed's own actions. I'm sure Fritz has both facilitated the drinking (after all, he and Thea used to throw huge parties) until he realised it was becoming a problem. Then he likely tried to have conversations with Ed - and I'm sure Al also came to him and expressed his worries about Ed - which Ed probably shut down and dismissed. Ed and Al also travelled quite a bit so I'm sure there have been times where Fritz was anxiously wondering if they were both okay.

So I don't think he was surprised when Al called him. Relieved in a way for Al, I think. But probably just as terrified for Ed as Al was, and it must have been hard not to incessantly call Ed to check up on him and tell him to get his act together. Ed (behind the scenes) went on a complete bender and didn't answer any calls post-chapter 1 so Fritz was extremely relieved to hear his voice and have an excuse to get him to come to set (namely Winry). And Fritz also recognised the potential between Ed and Winry and called Ed a jerk before he could do irreparable damage to his relationship with her.

Anyway before I write another novel, I hope this answered any curiosities!

#ask and ye shall receive #in the cracks of light fic #itcol trivia #i have put way too much thought into this MY GOD

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arcadianmoonshadowjedi · 3 years

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ROTT Thoughts

I know that there's a lot of heat in the TOA fandom and mixed opinions on the ROTT ending and other parts of the movie. Honestly I'm totally cool with everyone whether they enjoyed or disliked all of it, or parts of it, but here are some of my honest opinions. Most importantly, I do NOT condone any attacks on the team that created the movie or anyone with a different opinion.

⚠️ Spoilers and a LOOOOONG post below!

Ok so I'll be completely honest, for the most part, I enjoyed the movie until the very end. I loved the animation and the score and the overall plot with the titans. I loved all the fight scenes with the titans and seeing Nari being a badass!

And of course all the characters arcs minus Mpreg Steve (that was super creepy and ruined Staja in the movie) and I also feel like Eli barely did anything. It just felt like reverse character development for them esp after seeing them grow in the TOA series.

Everyone else was great! I loved seeing Jim lose his confidence after reverting back to a human and no longer having Merlin's amulet and seeing him grow to see himself as a capable hero. Claire was a total badass with her shadow magic! Ofc Jlaire was amazing as always!! I loved seeing Douxie with his cool magic. And the Gun Robot giant was AMAZING!! And the Excalibur scene was fantastic!!

Now I'll get to the death scenes. Each and every one made me an emotional mess! Especially since Nomura and Strickler started out as antagonists and grew so much! And I was excited that Strickler and Barbara were finally getting married (I thought the movie would end with their wedding 😭💔). And Toby's death hit me so hard! I absolutely loved his scene where he went to disable Bellroc's magic! And him dying in sacrifice was so beautiful and emotional.

Now to the end. I absolutely hated it and pretend it never happened. For me it felt like a slap in the face. For me, the TOA series were perfect for the most part! There was so much character development, magnificent plot, lots of adventure, romance and friendship, such an amazing story. And with that ending, it just felt like it threw everything out of the window. Like Jim's the only one who remembers everything, like apparently all TOA was just his dream. But what about everyone else? Like Claire? Their romance and her devotion to Jim? Her growth from a popular girl who tries so hard to please her parents and watching her grow and mature throughout the series and become a badass with shadow magic? Steve growing from a bully to a creepslayer and being with Aja? Eli growing from being bullied to Earth's ambassador on Akiridion 5? Aja and Krel coming to Earth and joining the gang? Douxie joining the gang? Jims friendship with Blinky and Draal?? Toby's friendship with Aaarrrgghh and his beautiful sacrifice to save the world?

Speaking of Toby, I strongly disagree with the whole 'he was nothing more than comic relief an a sidekick to Jim' rhetoric in the fandom. Yes he maybe a comic relief sidekick but he rocks his war hammer and has helped Jim with alot of missions. He helped Jim kill Angor Rot, he found the birthstone, he destroyed the shadow staff, and he shined a lot in 3below too! These are a few of the things he's done but honestly he's the best sidekick and best friend I've seen written in fiction and got so much character development leading up to his sacrifice in ROTT. Yes there are points for improvement but that doesn't deny that he's a badass character! And the ending erased all of that too! I get that him becoming the trollhunter seems 'Toby rights' but I feel that with how the entire show was written, it just went against both Toby and Jim's characters.

Like why would Jim throw all this load on his best friend? Especially after accepting his destiny and responsibility as trollhunter? Why would he throw away his relationship with Claire after all they've been through? There was so much loss throughout the series, like Jim losing Draal, Aja and Krel losing their own parents, Douxie losing Merlin who was his own father-figure?! They were extremely painful but each of them had to move on and grow while still honoring their lost loved ones. I know Tobes was super important to Jim but I feel like he should've been able to grow and move on and honor his friend for the rest of his life. Or for writing purposes, for a happier storyline, maybe the kronosphere could've been used to save Toby and maybe even Strickler and Nomura as well without resetting the whole entire timeline of TOA. Since ROTT was finale for all of TOA, maybe a fast forward to when they rebuilt Arcadia and are finally living happier adult lives would've felt so satisfying, it would symbolize growth and happiness even after the worst apocalypse like the one they were in (Even irl people grow after a war or natural disaster, despite the trauma). But the problem with ending we got was that it not only erased all the events of TOA, but it left us with an indefinite plot hole which was completely unsatisfying and feels like a reverse growth. It left me feeling bitter and empty rather than saying goodbye to my faves on positive note.

Hopefully this clarifies why I (and perhaps others in the fandom) feel very negative about the way it ended. If you've read this far, thank you much for taking the time to read my opinion and rants, and excuse any typos I might have, I typed this on my phone on low sleep lol! 😅

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

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Hey! I’m currently writing a Jewish character and was wondering if this would be offensive: my character has a family where her mother is Jewish but her father celebrates Christmas, so they fuse their holiday celebrations to bring their two families together for any holidays that fall in line with eachother. Would this be a problem? I’m basing her off of irl friends who’s family does this, but I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m erasing her Jewish heritage and pride. Thanks so much!

Celebrating Hanukkah & Christmas in interfaith family

No problems from me other than to note that I hope you meant to say that they're both celebrated, not that they're literally "combined." Because putting Christian ritual into a Jewish holiday would bug me, as a reader, but someone watching Mom light the menorah before going out caroling with Dad would not--for example. Does that make sense? There are plenty of interfaith families out there that do both, but keeping the actual practices separate is the best way to keep the Jewish ones Jewish. (And in my example I was picturing both parents there for each activity, so it's not like I'm calling for that much separation -- just, not bringing up "the meaning of Christmas" while you're literally telling the Chanukah story.

You may also want to decide if the character themselves is drawn in one direction or the other, or neither yet. (You said "Jewish heritage and pride" so from this I gather that's how she believes? In that case, is Christmas totally just a fun secular thing for her or is it something she regards as an outsider, religiously speaking?)

--Shira

I'm going to start by saying that interfaith families exist, and have a variety of ways of expressing their combination of cultures. I'm absolutely not here to argue with that, be negative about that very real way of life, or invalidate those experiences in the slightest.

With that being said... people outside our community really, really love to show us celebrating Christmas, and Easter, and eating bacon, or doing anything else that might code us as assimilated (regardless of our internal identities). These are things that some Jewish people do, and I think it's absolutely good to show the breadth of the community, and the varied ways we express ourselves, but I do not, at all, trust someone outside the community to do that mindfully.

In wider media, whether books, television, movies etc. Jewish characters are so often shown to be either assimilated, or from an interfaith family. Interfaith does not necessarily mean assimilated of course! But the fact of their interfaith relationship is often used as a convenient way to get the Jewish character into situations that are intended to show how "not really" Jewish they are. There is an obsession with showing us as assimilated, a delight that is taken in trying to prove that we either are exactly the same as the broader culture, or that our differences can be erased and eroded until we are.

A Jewish person remains Jewish, whether they go to a Christmas party or not, whether they have shrimp at dinner or not, whether they marry a non-Jewish person or not, but the intent behind constantly showing Jewish characters doing this is suspect to me. This asker may not have this ill-intent, but frankly, it's hard to come by a character, written by a non-Jewish person, that says "I'm Jewish" in the beginning of a work, and then "oh, no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas" in the middle, let alone even continuing to say "I'm Jewish" by the end.

When I read a work about interfaith families, and their specific traditions by a person inside the community, or coming from an interfaith background themselves, I'm interested, happy to learn about the characters, and their lives. When I read a work like that by someone outside the community it leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and the feeling that even fictional versions of us are being gleefully, voyeuristically, intentionally assimilated.

-- Dierdra

1) If your character is invested in their Jewish heritage, celebrating Chanukah is not enough to show this. Please please please research our other holidays and traditions, talk to Jewish people who feel the same level of connection to their Jewish roots, consume #OwnVoices materials.

2) Agree with Dierdra that interfaith families exist and deserve representation, but that writing an assimilated character requires a lot of research and sensitivity; any blatant disregard of halacha should probably be avoided in case it is consumed in that voyeuristic way by the reader.

3) And with Christmas in particular, you can be close to touching a nerve because not all Jewish people have fond memories of Christmas, to say the least. To people of minority faiths, it can be the time when our othering is the most blatant and impactful (we’ve included some personal stories below).

It would be best to listen to many Jewish experiences of December shenanigans, from people who celebrate Christmas partially or fully, to those who are indifferent, to those who have mainly negative associations and memories.

-- Shoshi

Our personal experiences with Christmas (Jewish Mods)

Also, as a note from all of us, discussing this question brought up so many stories about our own experiences with Christmas, and the culture surrounding it. A selection of them are below, just to give an idea of what it can be like:

- Just not having lights up was enough to get our neighbor asking our then roommate if we were "you know... sorta..." When our roommate confirmed that we are indeed Jewish, he reassured him that it was "fine." It didn't feel fine to be told that though. I also had a neighbor ask what we were doing for Christmas once, and I said "oh, we do Chanukah in this house" just to keep it casual. She excitedly yelled back "JEWS!!" Even without Covid I was getting to the point where December was just a month where I tried to stay in, and avoid getting grumpy at people who are just enjoying their holiday (they just happen to be enjoying it everywhere, all the time. And sometimes kind of aggressively). God forbid you correct someone when they wish you a Merry Christmas.

- Me too, it's the marketing, it's so aggressive. Last year I got so fed up with Christmas music being on in the office that I decided to bring a dreidel and spin it casually on my desk throughout the day, just so that my own space could feel like it was somewhat reserved for my own identity, you know? On day two of this, a colleague I didn't know that well came up to me and said, "Please could you stop doing that? It's really loud." I wanted to yell "NOT AS LOUD AS YOUR MUSIC!", but I didn't, I just stopped spinning it because I'm a darn pushover at times. I had to sit through my first hand-wringing 'how will we do Christmas with Covid?' conversation in about September, even though Pesach and Eid were both during the height of lockdown in this country and no one said a thing until after the fact.

- I've had people scoff, and sniff, and make snide comments to my face in my old workplace when I politely reminded them that I don't celebrate Christmas. It can get so uncomfortable, just existing in the world, and Christmas can end up a really miserable time.

#minemelody #Chanukah #Hanukkah #Christmas #interfaith #Christianity #Jewish #Judaism #holidays #assimilation #asks

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cenestpasaudrey · 3 years

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Review: Teen Wolf

I started watching Teen Wolf two Saturdays ago (May 29th?? I think) because I was bored out of my mind and I wanted something entertaining and light that I could listen to while I work on my work files. I was actually thinking of just playing The Vampire Diaries in the background since I've already watched it a couple of times but it was gone on Netflix. Then I checked out the recommended list of similar stuff and then I found Teen Wolf; so I was like, hey, why not.

Luckily (but not surprisingly), I liked it. Also, I found out that I finished the series during its actual 10th year anniversary which is dope. If I was watching it during its actual run, I think I would have been a little obsessed with it.

Few episodes in, I swear I really was like "Stiles is such a great friend! I want him as my friend." a couple of times. He's one of my favorites and I liked watching him so much that during the time when Void Stiles happen, I could totally feel how dark the episodes were. He's like one of the sources of comedy in the entire series and I felt that that was taken away too. Regretfully, he was missing during most of season 6 and to be honest if I was watching this during the actual run, it would've affected me. Deeply. The episodes that made me cry was when they were trying to remember his character because he was erased (6x8 & 6x9).

My second favorite character was Malia Tate. She's just so candid and frank. She has no filter which made her actions and suggestions either funny or ridiculously rude and yet, she didn't care. She had her own agendas and issues to deal with but her loyalty to the pack was always there. I loved her highlighter scenes and you could tell that she really was like Stiles in a way. When Dylan O' Brien was not present, she brought a lot of the comedic essence in the show.

My third favorite was Danny Mahealani because he was just so loyal to Jackson and at the same time, was a funny and kind character to others. He's a nonjudgmental character to the point that he knew his friends had supernatural powers and he didn't do anything about it. He just went by as if everything was normal and treat them exactly the same. Too bad he had to leave after season 3.

I think one of the things that separate Teen Wolf from the other supernatural series/show/movies that I've watched is that they've dealt with money problems. Like sure, Scott McCall was really powerful because he was the "True Alpha" but he had real life problems as well which couldn't be solved with him being a werewolf. Despite all the adventures that both him and Stiles had surpassed, there were still some issues that they can't get away from like hospital bills, rent and other stuff money-wise.

I agree that the ending is quite open-ended and there are still stories to tell about the characters. (Step-brother for Scott, maybe? Haha.) But I probably have a different reason why I want another season/movie/whatever. I wanted an extension because I wanted to see to it that that SOB Tamora Monroe got what she deserved. Haha. I hate her! Possibly because she was a guidance counselor who disguises herself as a concerned person but is really a big hypocrite trash that every word she let out is total BS. Like, she hated the sheriff for covering up the real identities of the people saving their small city but Gerard Argent hiding some things from her was fine. Girrrrl.🤨

Lastly, for the ships, I started to ship Malia with Scott when he was able to make her transform into a human after being a coyote/werecoyote for 8 years. I was like this is totally a meet cute. I mean, with all due respect from Stalia (I like them too but I really was going for Stydia because I think they were totally endgame), I thought that they could be together and that would be awesome and they did! I was like... "Finally! A show that pulled through!!! A good slow burn romantic relationship with no one dying on their wedding day, no one had to sacrifice his/her life to save a family member and no one had to be a gossip monger website administrator irl."😤

Okay, gun to the head, I ship Scalia but I ship Shelley Hennig and Tyler Posey more--not in an obsessive way, of course. Just in a "if-they-would-be-together-that-would-be-nice" way.

Anyway that's it. Photos ctto.

Rating: 4/5🌟

#reviews #tv series #teen wolf #tyler posey #scott mccall #dylan o'brien #stiles stilinski #shelley hennig #malia tate #malia hale #danny mah #keahu kahuanui #tamora monroe #sibongile mlambo #stalia #scalia #stydia

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ilovebeingcalledawhore · 3 years

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Content: Fluff, Highschool au

Summary: Just a snapchat confession story

Snapchat is fun and games, from ceiling pictures to nudes, fast repliers and some who don’t even open the snaps anymore. It’s stupid—entertaining until you talk to a boy that’s pretty goddamn cute and catch these dumb feelings that you know would fade away anyway.

It’ll fade won’t it? So might as well let yourself fall.

Huang Renjun was a boy in my class that I fancied, he was quite charming, no...erase that, he was very charming. Every single girl in class has once thought he was attractive and if any girl was asked who they would date it’d be him.

The boy had a sense of humour, was smart, attractive, sometimes snappy but it was the friendly banter that gave me the chance to talk to him. A month ago I finally decided to make a snapchat account, a day after that I asked for everybody’s accounts and his was the first one I got.

It was a calm week of me and Renjun asking about each other’s day or the cliche “wyd?”, a few weeks later he made me nickname and I dumbly didn’t want to make one from his actual name so I called him, “hunny”.

Bold, I know.

We laughed about it but I did back off and say, “sorry I just couldn’t think of something creative, everyone’s made a nickname for you already.” He agrees so I just stuck with his real name.

In school we’ve become much closer.

He speed walks to me and greets me, asks about my plans for the day or how I am, and boy! You don’t know how much I’ve walked away smiling so hard the ends of my lips could touch my ears.

I was falling quite fucking hard—but he was a charmer, girls in class liked him and he was friends with most of them. Some girls are touchy and gives him casual hugs, yes they make me jealous but he knew them before he knew me. They had a bond since years ago, we didn’t.

Then something happened—

A few more days pass by and me and my friends notice how his friend group seemed to tease him when I’m around.

It’s even come to the point where we’d hear Donghyuck screaming, “Do you like Y/n?”, during homeroom. You wouldn’t hear the response but seconds later his group would be screaming.

My friends said he liked me, I denied it.

Well, they were right. A week after that, I built up the guts to confess to him and not chicken out. Taking a photo of a ceiling and typing out the words, “I like you.”

I press the send button before I start doubting myself again.

1 min ago

2 min ago

3 min ago

“Fucking open it already,” I whisper to myself.

opened

1 min ago

just now

“He replied!” I squealed.

I press his snap full of worry; waiting for rejection but instead he sends this.

“About that...”

Fucks sake, I swear I screamed into my pillow so loud my saliva got on it. “Yes?” I replied with annoyance evident in my face, I wasn’t having any of it. I was worried and frustrated.

opened

15 sec ago

just now

He replied, ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, should I open this?’ I thought to myself, my whole hand shaking. I decided to push my phone to a corner and lay in bed to think.

If he says he doesn’t like me then it’s not the end of the world, he’s a nice guy, we won’t be awkward in school——but what if he says yes, then maybe we start talking and date——no he doesn’t like me why would he?

I roll off the bed and take my phone, still worried but reassuring myself that no matter what, I’ll be fine. I get into the app, his name beside a red box getting ready to be opened.

I press it.

“I like you too” I screamed and screamed and screamed.

He likes me too!

Renjun likes me too!

_____

[A month later] Winter break

I’m dating him! After a few solid weeks of talking and getting to know each other, I’ve learned about his likes-dislikes, family, goals, hobbies, peet peeves, little habits and kinks (but we’re not gonna talk about that here).

It was a moment at 2 am, talking about life and what not until he asked me out through a snap. I would’ve complained and said “you should ask me out irl,” but he beat me to it.

“I’ll officially ask you out when were back to school,” the rest of the night was filled with me giggling to myself in excitement.

Sometimes shooting your shot is the way to go.

It’s scary, you don’t really know what they’re gonna say.

“I’m sorry I don’t like you”

“I like you too”

“I’ll think about it”

“I’ve liked you since years ago”

But in the end you’ve got nothing to lose, in ten years time they wouldn’t talk about the girl or the boy who asked them out unless it turned serious. In ten years time, some people wouldn’t even remember you.

No one would remember how you wore your hair that day, what shirt you put on, if you were wearing this new weird coloured lipstick or if you carried around a new book everyday. In the end most things will be forgotten and it wouldn’t matter.

So fuck it and say what you feel.

Maybe—just maybe, send the snap.

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hopeshoodie · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking about Boat Party a lot lately. I really /really/ loved the ‘after the villa, after the sparkle of new relationships has faded’ dynamic with all the couples (including MC), and I liked that it was basically a mini-season instead of three episodes. LOVED the podcast framing the story instead of the narrative, and obviously all the characters were far more fleshed out than they were in the main season. But my issues with it are

- It felt like they ran out of story and started rehashing the same thing (MC’s LI going from wanting to work on the relationship back to avoiding her) and using filler (the carnival is cute but doesn’t have any notable moments), so there were episodes where a bunch of things happened and episodes where nothing really changed

-The backsliding of the relationship issues really framed our primary LIs’ to be in the wrong. I loved most of the initial conflicts, how serious and mature MOST of them were. And I did really like the push and pull of trying to reconcile. But then around day 6 our LIs agree to work on it, then the next episode go back to saying they’re “not sure if it’s going to work”. That was super frustrating and unsatisfying because it felt like our progress was erased.

-The secondary LI being forced on us. I’m only here for Lily, but because the story FORCED me to take Yasmin on a walk now suddenly the narrative is insisting I’m cheating on Lily. I get why we have secondary LIs, but it felt kind of like it did in the main season- literally everyone is interested in MC and when you switch to a new person there’s no narrative tension or differentiation between the different people.

-the premise of a Boat Vacation kind of framed this very post-LITG story in a LITG way. LITG is formulaic because it’s a reality show- a bunch of people who don’t know each other are thrown together on vacation, and as they do Vacation Things they build different relationships. Boat Party was really unique from any other season because it wasn’t a reunion focused only on MC getting with new people or being happy with her LI. It was a story about people, post-production, in the real world navigating real issues. But them being on vacation innately framed it in a LITG way, with ‘outings on the mainland’ taking the place of challenges. This is the key idea that got me thinking about how I would re-write Boat Party.

Because as much as I enjoyed Boat Party, I don’t think it really delivered on either its themes or the themes of the main season. Boat Party’s themes were realistic relationship conflict, it was about CHOOSING to love people, whereas the main series was about friendships and respecting platonic relationships. Maybe that’s just my interpretation because there was so very little nuance in the romantic stories of S3, BUT ANYWAYS. So if we wanted to better honor those two points (that platonic relationships are important to respect and irl relationships are hard), here’s how I would reframe the S3 reunion-

It's a wedding episode, but not for MC. I feel like Seb and Genevieve are a better couple and were way more serious than Nicky and Elladine, so we’ll make it a Sebevieve wedding. We still do the same opening with conflicts that Boat Party does (but take out the personality test because that really didn’t impact the story very much and imo broke immersion), but instead of storming off your LI says “what, so you don’t want to go to the wedding together?” MC recoils in confusion, and they say “I brought it in from the mail last week, it’s been sitting on the counter for days. You didn’t read it?”. MC walks over, reads it (the player gets to see the ‘save the date’), and then there’s the first choice of the game. You can either tell your LI you want to go with them, or say you want to go alone.

I think Boat Party proceeds much like as written after that, but now we have a huge emotional THING that all the characters can react to. We still learn that Elladine’s family is having issues, but we learn it in the context of them questioning their relationship with Nicky because ‘why won’t he commit? I thought we would be the first ones to get engaged’. Because we got that little teaser after stealing the money in S3 of Nicky being down, maybe we get some more noncommittal bs from him. From Seb we get genuine excitement about the wedding, but a little bit of concern about what’s going to happen to the podcast after he’s married to Viv. Viv is all excitement- school is ramping up and now she’s getting married. She definitely gives some good advice to MC about the LI situation. All the other little conflicts are happening in the background, but suddenly everyone’s questioning how legitimate their own relationships are.

But at the heart of everything is MC and her LI struggling more intensely with presenting happiness to everyone else, while trying to figure out if their relationship is as serious as Seb and Viv’s, and if they even want it to be. Instead of not talking for major swaths of the game, they’re forced into situations like the rehearsal dinner and bachelor/ette party, where they have to pretend everything’s fine and devolve into tension and arguing. Maybe the different LIs like Bill, Lily, Camilo, Ciaran want to get married eventually, while LIs like AJ and Rafi want to pump the breaks and keep things more casual. Instead of backsliding, there’s this mounting tension of increasingly serious conflict which kicks off the night before the wedding. Maybe it’s the ‘I made you food but oops forgot you were vegan’ thing or it’s the LI going ‘I don’t know if I want to keep pretending we’re together’, but there’s a really intense argument scene and THEN the LI storms off for the first time.

You can choose to either go to a specific LI for comfort (which designates them the secondary LI) or sit alone (in which case Viv or Seb will come out to comfort you). There’s a sweet moment of debriefing from the fight, and you can choose to cheat on your partner or not. If you go to Elladine, Seb, or Viv and try to cheat, they’ll be shocked and reject you. We need consequences for feeling entitled to others romantically so bad, so here they are.

Then the entirety of the wedding, your LI is avoiding you. It comes to a head at the reception, when they approach you and ask you to dance. If you say yes, you can try to reconcile with them. Or you can reject them, in which case the secondary LI will ask you to dance. There’s a really sincere conversation on the dance floor, either apologizing for the fight and resolving to do better (MC’s worried that this is all happening because they’re at a wedding, is it going to get better in the real world?) or trying to comfort MC and feel out the new relationship. It culminates at the end of the reception, where the secondary LI asks MC to leave with them. MC’s original LI is there, and she can make eye contact with them and go with the secondary LI, or refuse.

#final trash dump #idk what this even is

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imme-youareyou · 2 years

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@someone-worth-racing-for I am so sorry for taking so much time to answer your tag but, as you will read in the following questions, I'm having a bit of an hard time to have some time to sit down and write (write fics but also to answer to these questions 🙈)

To be fair I loved to answer to them!!

Here's my take on my own fanfictions 👇🏻

1) Which of your fics you wish had more kudos/comments/bookmarks?

I think Operazione CARLANDO and My knight in a shiny hoodie.

The first one because I spent so much time on it for some reason even if it’s not one of my longest fic and I loved the concept to pieces, the second one because when I wrote it I was kind of annoyed about the matter and I poured my feeling into the Lando in the story because of course I couldn't say those things directly to IRL Carlos and I kind of used Carlando in the story to make myself feel better. Not gonna lie, I do this thing way too often and this is why I have too many WIPs in my google drive.

2) Which of your fics do you feel is overrated?

In the Cavallino’s lair.

I loved the concept when I started writing it. It was for the Winterbreak Writing Challenge and as soon as I read the prompt I knew I was going to write that, but the actual execution? Not so much. I’m not completely happy with how it came out so I think it has way too many comments and kudos but I think everyone has different tastes and I’m happy people liked it!

3) What is the fic that took you the most time to write?

Two WIPs and He is coming with me.

I had some changes in my life, work life mostly and I have been having a sort of writing block so those things all combined He is coming with me, that is the last thing I posted, and the two WIPs I’m still working on are the ones that took/are taking me way too much time.

4) What do you think is the best fic you ever wrote (until today)?

Ops, I did it again.

I love it to pieces. I love how I wrote it, I love that I managed to add the fake Instagram posts, I love the “we are trying to keep it a secret but I want to share my love for you with everyone else too” concept so much… So, yep, I love it!

5) What do you think is the worst fic you ever wrote (until today)?

Intervista doppia (it’s the first one I ever wrote on AO3 and not it was not about F1 but two Italian singers), Finding the fitting shoe is a tough task (again here, I liked the concept but not the way it came out in the end) or, as I said before, In the cavallino’s lair. And for whatever reason, Intervista doppia apart, people liked them more than me so that made me feel a bit better about how they came out.

6) What is the saddest thing that happened to you related to a fic (may it be success, a draft that erased itself and so on…)?

Not being able to finish one that I loved the concept of writing.

I always have way too many ideas, I always write them down to try and not forget them but most of the time I am not able to actually write them or finish to write them (seriously you should see how many Doogle docs I have on my Google Drive with five lines of text and some bullet points).

7) What is/are the comment(s) you received that you can never forget even now (negative and positive)?

I don’t have a specific comment that I’ll never forget. I love all of the comments I get, long and articulated, small and simple and even the ones that are not completely positive are okay because it means the person has taken some time to read and even some more to leave their opinion. Of course I don’t tolerate complete hate or criticism if done in a rude way, but luckily enough I never got something like that under any of my stories.

8) A fic you’d dream to write even if you know it wouldn’t get much readers/feedback?

A friend of mine asked me to write something a bit peculiar and I wanted to try my hand with it even if it’s about a specific kink that I don’t think a lot of people will enjoy. This person even gave me some tips and stories to read to make me understand better how it works (I am no expert on it and I always like to be informed about what I’m writing as to not make big mistakes, or at least trying to) and I’d love to write it, I even started writing about it but I got to the main scene and I got a bit stuck. My inability to write apart, I’m not sure how it’ll be perceived from other people but I accidently sent it to my lovely beta (sorry again @loveyouhomex) and I didn’t get such a bad feedback from her so maaaybe I’m a bit more motivated to finish it in the future.

9) Coming back to the last question, did the fact that a fic wouldn’t get many readers (rare ship/different dynamic and so on) already stopped you from writing it?

Nope, I am almost done. Like ¾ down at least, I just need the main scene and the aftercare part. The ship is the same as always, I think I am impossibilitate to write anything that is not Carlando, but the kink is a bit different from the usual BDSM or Daddy!kink so... yep. I need more research and my brain needs to understand how to explain some things that are in my head but I don’t know how to translate into written words.

10) Which of your fics represent you the best?

A bit of smooching, My knight in a shiny hoodie, Ops I did it again.

I have the bad habit of putting myself into my character to try and write them in a more human way and not too “fiction-y” and I also use my writing to let out my feelings and emotion because I’m not the best at talking about it with people around me so I just take poor Lando or Carlos and make them say/do what I’d really want to.

In A bit of smooching the story’s Lando is literally me around Christmas, I love making cards, I always get tangled up in fairy lights and I get called Santa’s elf way too many times. The only thing we don’t have in common is that I don’t get any amount of smooching by anyone under the mistletoe (to be fair we don’t even hang mistletoe in the house here).

As I said before My knight in a shiny hoodie is me trying to express how I was feeling about the comments on Carlos' and I did so "using" Lando as my vessel.

And Ops I did it again is me loving Monza, me loving the concept of introducing some fake posts to make the reader more "present" and there in the moment, me posting things on the wrong accounts (work/personal) all the time.

11) What is your main source of ideas?

Real life.

I have the bad addiction of taking the biggest inspiration from what I see and what actually happens and than writing my “sequel” o “prequel” to it. I wrote a couple of fics that were completely AU but adding some things that happened IRL is something that I love to do. Sometimes the real thing is the main part of the story, sometimes it’s only a small easter egg but it’s difficult to find any of my writing without at least a tiny detail that actually happened.

12) Is there an author that inspired you?

I don’t have a favorite author because, to be fair, I read the fics because I read the summary and it takes me in, not because of the authors.

13) Is there a fic you wish people to read, because it left a big impression on you?

Cold water after crying.

It’s one of the first fic I read about them and I still love it at this time. It really hit home for some reason (I know the reasons, just ignore me) and the way Lando’s feelings are portrayed and how Carlos was with him.. I just can’t ok. I love it and it’s my comfort fic even if it’s a bit peculiar for it to be a comfort fic.

14) What is your favorite topic to read? And to write?

Love.

I love to read and write about love of any kind. Soft and cute, hard and hot, sad and pining, happy and bubbly. I don’t care what type of love but, as long as there’s a happy ending, I’ll read and write about it.

15) What motivated you to make your works public?

To be fair, boredom.

I’ve always written for myself but only in Italian and one day I was bored and decided to try my hand at writing something in english. I liked how it came out and decided to post it on AO3.

16) A word you’d like to say to people who pass by/who follow you/who read your fics?

Be patient.

Be patient if your favorite author has yet to update their fic, they might have had some problems, they might have had a writer's block or they might just need a bit of distance from writing, from the fandom or from the social media you are following them.

Be patient if going to your favorite couple’s tag on AO3 and sorting by last update you can’t find something new and you have already read all the other fics in the tag. People that write fics do so because they enjoy doin it and not to do you a favor and maybe now is not the right time for them to write or maybe they are preparing the best soty in the world and need some time to do so (if you’ve ever felt like that I invite you to try your own hand at writing something, I’d be happy to read your ideas!).

Be patient if the story you are reading is not going in the direction you’d like for it to go (at least if you are reading one of my works) rest assured that the happy ending is just around the corner.

Be patient and if the fandom, the community, the people you are following are not helping you anymore and you are not enjoying what you loved anymore, take a step back, deep breath and come back when you are in a better place or don’t came back if it’s getting to toxic or too much, that’s totally ok.

#personal #tag game #fanfiction #long post

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oranges8hands · 3 years

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It's Not Your Life to Give: Booker Edition

I'm assuming somewhere out there is already meta for why the exile wasn’t wrong, but fuck if you can find shit on tumblr anymore, so here's mine:

I'm not denying Booker needs help; he's suicidal, he's depressed, he's tangled in his own grief and loneliness, he’s got survivor’s guilt, he's likely got complex-ptsd along with his alcoholism and probably some other stuff. I admit, the shorthand of "fuck Booker" is not nuanced to that. That said, I am really not a fan of this fandom narrative that his depression, grief, etc, is a good reason for his actions [1], that his victims owe him enough immediate forgiveness to continue to help him in the aftermath of his actions, that he is the only hurting person in this situation, or that his (self)-destruction - obviously a common symptom - didn't blow up a very basic foundation between him and the others that doesn't just get waived away by an apology. (Which... he never actually offers? Fandom posits he apologizes and feels bad for what he does in the aftermath, but that's one interpretation, and canon can just as easily be read that he gets a little bit of a rude awakening when Andy is mortal, but frankly he comes across as someone who is sorry it didn't work out and he ended up in a worse place, not for what he did.)

Plus, I think a lot of fandom mindset works under what happened [2] and not on what he either planned or did not see the obvious pathway was going to happen [3], as well as ignoring some of the context he put into the situation (his resentment of Joe and Nicky didn't just magically disappear after they escaped), and are looking at his end result (even less familial support than before, in the apartment getting drunk - and shit knows loneliness/isolation is an esp hot button for people right now) and not on the fact he just sold out his family to experience their worst nightmares (a fact he's reminded of again in the middle of his betrayal) and that they can't trust him.

THEY CAN'T TRUST HIM. They had no way to see this coming because it would never have occurred to them, but that barn door is open now. What keeps him from calling in their new safe house? maybe finding a different kind of partner, leading them to another trap on a job? hell, maybe contact Kozak again [4] and see if she made any progress. share their secrets with someone new. do they have to hope Andy's mortality (which is the only thing that made him pause) will reach him enough when apparently their love and affection didn't before? what happens when she dies? what sign are they supposed to somehow intuit if he tips from bad mental health to making actionable decisions to try to die and dragging everyone else into it with him again? if someone picks up this trail of breadcrumbs Copley and Merrick left, is he going to help clean up or go with it? Basically, what stops him from doing this to them again? Like, I can arguably make a list for reasons I don't think they should have 100 year exiled him (though again, time works on a different scale for them [5]), but at this point I am definitely pushing back on the dominant fandom idea that the exile in and of itself was wrong [6], or that it was only a punishment. They are going to feel guilty for what they did/didn't do to help him, for not seeing how bad it got [7], (in Andy's case esp) for helping him lean into the bad coping mechanisms, and yeah some of that does need to be owned, but they should not feel guilty for him betraying them or needing time away to deal with that betrayal. It's funny, cause my immediate response after seeing the movie was that the betrayal story line did not work for me, but it's canon and the response that they should put aside their reaction to help him definitely feels like it ignores the severity of what he actually did to them and how long it could take to (emotionally, mentally) recover from it. That they owe Booker to put it aside to help him. That the others are wrong for the choice they made because of a situation he put them in. [8] He didn't mind them being tortured, being separated, or being dead; if they want a 100 years to figure out how to continue to love and welcome someone who would do that to them, how to trust someone like that again, they get a 100 years. And at the end of the day, even Booker understood that.

____________ [1] mental illness does not cause you to try to murder someone (and it is very clear that even if he thinks Andy wanted to die, he knows Joe and Nicky do not, not to mention Nile), and that's frankly a very harmful myth used to dismiss larger violent patterns irl

[2] 2 days of medical experiments, Andy being (luckily!) non-lethally shot, I'd add Nile's general mental well-being but lbr that doesn't tend to factor into it for fandom

[3] Joe, Nicky, Andy, and later Nile be taken and medically experimented on/tortured until... well, forever, cause honestly it's a big assumption they'd let them go or kill them even if they discovered the secret to their death; earlier on, Nile either being left alone - yanno, the thing he said was his reason for doing this (even if it's obviously just a part of the tangled reaction for why he did it) with no answers and forever dreaming about their torture and/or more specifically Nile being left at the mercy of the us military/govt with no answers and forever dreaming about their torture while experiencing her own.

[4] them not killing Kozak or destroying the lab was hollywood-sloppy - even though I totally love the hc that either a) their spilled body parts disintegrate after a bit or b) there is absolutely nothing in their system that shows their immortality - but it does mean there's a little more clean-up needed than Copley erasing some tapes.

[5] which is not an excuse to infantilize him? he's a grown man. he may be young compared to the others, but he's not actually a "teenager" and he's esp not too young to realize the ramifications of his actions (aka that his family won’t react well to him selling them out)

[6] maybe not the smartest choice in terms of safety since they'd have even less ability to see if he betrays them or himself again, and being split up makes them more vulnerable, but also not wrong; it's basically a load of shitty choices and that's the one they picked. cause like he said, what else can they do? frankly, now or in a 100 years, Booker is the one that needs to rebuild trust, but at least 100 years gives the rest of them some time to deal with their own trauma before having to deal with him either trying (or not) to fix what he broke, leaves them possibly more open and receptive to changes he’s made.

[7] though as someone whose been on both sides of it, the idea you should be able to just tell how bad it actually is for someone (or even tell that it is bad) is frankly not actually that realistic or fair; people are very often good at hiding and/or downgrading how bad it is

[8] and specifically that Joe is wrong for the choice they made. like the fact Andy and Nicky both want to get him out the building or that Nicky isn't vocal in his reaction means they didn't reach this decision together, that Joe is the only angry one, that Joe is the only one to aggressively pursue this course of action. like, come on, the pattern of this definitely comes from fandom's racism

#this is both a) a response to a comment of a comment on someone's fic and b) something I've been thinking about for awhile #I feel like this is less anti-Booker and more anti-fandom's prioritization of Booker's pain (which is what I am) but ymmv #I am back on my footnote bs #haha just kidding I never left it #cross the street #fandom repeat fight #in a very real way they kind of have to forgive him #or at least learn to live with it #a kind of preordained forgiveness #how fucking galling is that #to not get to decide forgiveness #to not get to decide how to *give* that forgiveness #and he knows it too #what are they gonna do kill me?

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emilx311 · 3 years

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Life Update

Hey all, so I pretty much vanished off the internet for the past few months (whoops sorry about that) but things have been crazy irl! Here’s a bit of a summary for those who were wondering what happened to me:

So, for context sake a few fun facts about me. I work as a night auditor at a hotel and have done so since August 2019, I graduated Uni with a degree in Justice Studies in 2018, and I have several minor but chronic health issues that lead to me being very low energy-ie having less spoons than a normal person and needing more sleep.

Aside from the issues already inherent with 2020′s....everything we had several more personal issues at my (I say my because I work there) motel. Mainly around staffing, and especially around night audit staffing.

Since I was hired we’ve gone through 5 or 6 other night auditors (I think? maybe more). And they often.....quit with barely any notice. So, being our only consistent night auditor I’ve been called in last minute several times over the past year leading to 6 or even 7 day weeks. (Not Fun!)

Even when we have had another trained night auditor with us they often also do day shifts since we only need them for 2 nights a week. Turn over for day-shift people has been barely lower than turn over for night shift, which has led to them having to be called in last minute to cover day shifts when people left which means I also had to be called in last minute to cover the night shifts they were no longer able to do, leading to us all working 6 or even 7 day weeks (Super Not Fun!)

In summary: I’ve worked more overtime days than I have had vacation days in this last year. Heck, the last time I tried to go on vacation for like 5 days I got called in every other day and my boss (our regional manager) paid me double for the shifts I worked and refused to touch my vacation pay because even he acknowledged that was in no way a real vacation at that point (this was at the beginning of September btw...)

This was all compounded when our general manager (gm) left in late July. Her reason for leaving was super fair since she got a better job offer, similar pay to what she was making, less work since she would no longer have to do all the duties our boss should have been doing but was instead pushing off unto her. Super sad to see her go but wished her the best (still miss her) :(

This left our under manager (gsm) and me as the main people in the hotel (ie those who have been there the longest, only the gsm and housekeepers had been there longer than I had at that point-and I had not even reached my 1 year yet). Which, not super great, but the other people we had were okay so we would manage. So the gsm and I held things together and started basically running the hotel (shout out to the gsm here because I love her and she is actually like 5 years younger than me but has accomplished so much more, I am in constant awe of her tbh). Our boss (who is....kind of dumb sometimes) realized this. We became his golden girls (he plays favorites hard).

It is at that point that someone above our boss’s level in the company (he’s in charge locally, but we do belong to a large corporation, ah capitalism) hired disaster #1 as our first new gm. Disaster #1 was creepily cheerful and utterly dismayed to find out his job actually involved him doing work! Like working at the front desk during his shifts and doing manager stuff instead of it just being him sitting in the back looking important and giving us encouragement occasionally. He payed no attention to his training. He did very little of his basic work let alone the manager stuff. He took credit and praised “the team” whenever something went right and pushed blame off him unto everyone else as hard as he could when something went wrong (I once pointed out he forgot to do something and he legit said to me “can you prove it was me?” I said “yes” very firmly.)

Now, as the auditor my job is to spot, point out, and fix errors. He hated coming in to to work after me because I spotted and pointed out everything he missed or did incorrectly. At first just because I happened to notice them. Then it became personal, he cornered me one morning at shift change and told me that he dreaded coming in to work after me because I was always so critical, and he had so much to do during his shifts other than just front desk stuff (he did not, most of the “manager” stuff he was even trained in doing at this point he shoved off unto the gsm) he then disparaged the gsm. I was done, I was pissed (you do not say mean things about my gsm, nope, not okay, I will cut and slab you*) and kind of hurt (why are you taking my corrections as personal attacks? Why are you saying I’m mean for doing my job?) So, if he wanted to make it personal I decided to make it personal and made it my mission to find and point out everything he did wrong, no more overlooking small things as I had been. The pressure of actually having to work made him quit (shocking, not!).

It was also around this time that I signed up for an LSAT prep course. Because I hate myself and now that I’ve been working for a couple years and have some money saved up I want to follow through on my plan to get either a Law Degree or a Masters Degree and so am working on taking the LSAT and applying to law schools. No, studying has not been going well, time and energy have also been preventing that.

Fast forward a couple months and 2 of our best employees went on holiday (one they had scheduled months before). It’s the start of January, they will be gone for two months. In that time our boss had hired our next gm, idiot #2. Just as these two leave the other front desk person we’d been training quits with no notice. We are short staffed....again (yay more 6 and 7 day weeks, ack). To fill in this gap our boss brings in idiot #3 from one of the other 2 hotels in the area our company owns.

Idiot #2 is semi okay, he is not manager material, even months after he was hired to be gm he does not have the training and is basically just a front desk agent. He is bad about doing things himself unless you specifically direct him to with very clear instructions, but he can do the minimum (although he failed the coffee test. After idiot #1 I wrote out very, VERY specific instructions for how to clean our coffee station....he is not able to follow them. The gsm and I joked about the coffee test after I first wrote the instructions, that someone actually failed it....we despair). So, he does not think ahead, do any extra, or solve many problems but at least he rarely creates problems.

This brings us to idiot #3. I do not know what goes on in his head (very little likely) but man oh man. Some examples: the time he-after being asked like 4 times-actually sign off on the checklist after cleaning the laundry room (as everyone is supposed to once a shift) but did so in sharpie instead of one of the many dry-erase markers left around the front desk for no other reason than the clearly laminated sign off sheet. Or the time he decided on his own to give someone a satisfaction refund, far larger than it should have been (which only managers and those with special permission can do in any of the hotels, so he should know better but somehow....)

We have a book for front desk to write messages on about issues for the next people. Usually we have a note or two on any given day. Pretty much every day he worked it was full and even going onto the next page. Idk how, it’s like he touched something and issues sprung up. and Guess who got to be the one to fix all of them (woooo).

For the past few weeks I have had 2 days a week where the only people who worked were me and idiots #2 and #3. It’s been horrible. In addition, my days off were changed for these months so I haven’t been able to meet my one bubble inclusive friend to vent like we usually do once a week, because that time no longer fit in my schedule. I have been living in exhaustive hell for the past couple months, and even before that as I tried to lighten the gsm’s load as much as I could as she took on a lot of the gm stuff. My house is a mess, tbh my life is a mess because work has left me so tired and stressed that I basically get home, shower, collapse onto bed, read a bit, sleep, wake-up, find some sort of food, get ready for work, go to work, and repeat. Even on my days off I’m sleeping 75% of the time and resting to try and shore up my spoons (of which I already have fewer than most people) to get through the work week.

tl;dr Due to ridiculousness I ended up unofficially co-running a hotel and it’s sucked up so much of my energy that all my free time is pretty much spent sleeping just to ensure I’m able to get through my work weeks semi-functionally. Everything about my life has been a mess, to the point where I’m legit not sure how I’ve been keeping myself fed, clean, on meds and just generally....alive.

#personal #emi says #life update #about my 2020 and early 2021 #it's been hell #and not for the usual reasons #no #I'm not okay #but that's fine #that's pretty normal at this point tbh

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