#And again‚ what the fuck is up with the orphanage torture scene? How did they knew Atsushi had an ability when it didn't manifest?

[diabolikpersonals]

kou cl endings!

euphoria end:

ruki, with the use of shin’s super good nose, is chasing kou and yui through the forest. yuma and azusa were left behind to fight ayato and kanato. kouyui reach the church and rest there, and kou talks about how pathetic he feels that he couldn’t protect her enough :’( but yui’s like “nooo! u came to rescue me and you were so cool!”

just when kou is talking about how he can’t stand to fight ruki, who saved him when he was in the orphanage, ruki shows up like “tough shit, we’re fighting anyway.” kou pulls out his sword and ruki asks if he thinks he can win, to which kou replies, “NOPE but I have to try!!!”

during the sword fight, kou can tell ruki isn’t seriously trying to kill him. so he lowers his sword to let ruki strike him, but as he expected, ruki stops right before his sword makes contact. but even though that proves how close he is, it’s still not enough to bring back ruki’s memories. so kou takes drastic measures and gets himself hurt on purpose!!! ;-; and that works! ruki is back!!!

…but it looks like kou is, uh, dying. ruki thinks it’s all his fault. yui is inconsolable. but then ruki’s like, “wait a sec.” and he tastes the blood (lmfao I was so shocked) and then asks yui to taste it too.

I know this sounds like I’m making shit up but you have to believe me. it’s not blood, it’s ketchup. kou fucking pranked them. kou used the ivy to make armor underneath his clothes, so he’s totally fine. yuma taught him how to make that. everybody say thanks, yuma!

(if there was ketchup everywhere, wouldnt it smell like ketchup? like, really strongly? especially to a vampire nose?)

kou and yui kiss in the church, and u might remember that that’s the key to leaving this place, so the world falls apart and we wake up in eden. in the order im playing, kou is only the second one so far to complete socrates’ experiment in the “proper” way, so socrates is like “hell yeah, great job!” then he explains his whole plan as usual. kou’s like “FUCK you, dont EVER do that again” and socrates peaces out. he says he won’t appear again. that’s kinda sad, he’s a great plot device :’)

so everybody goes to their respective homes and stops fighting. the final scene is kou and yui deciding they’d be late for school so they can cuddle on the couch some more. yui prays these days will last forever.

it would’ve been really nice to get a mukami family reunion scene…!! but I guess we dont always get what we want, do we? lol

labyrinth end:

…kou can’t fight ruki :( he drops his sword instead. he apologizes over and over, because this means giving up yui, but yui tells him he’s done nothing wrong.

so kou and yui are taken and locked up separately. ruki tortures kou for several days, trying to get kou to give him info on how to become the overlord. eventually, shin comes to check on yui (who isnt eating) and to tell her that kou died. tortured to death! yui’s like “but he’s a vampire!” and shin’s like “vampires can TOTALLY die from that.” but yknow, he’s lying, as shin tends to do

well, yui fell for the lie, and shin just so happened to leave her alone with the knife that came with her dinner. shin is a fucking idiot. yui kills herself like immediately. was it worth the stupid joke, shin?? did u have fun??? everybody’s gonna yell at him later, I just know it.

everybody (kou included, cuz he’s NOT DEAD) is in eden. kou wakes up and sees his gf bleeding from her neck. she wont open her eyes.

karl heinz shows up and explains what happened. kou says that he’d rather stay trapped in that fake dimension if it means being able to see yui again, and he begs karl heinz to make that happen. karl heinz is like “okay sure” and he sends kou back in to live with a fake yui forever. this experiment was a failure, but for now, he’ll let adam dream.

so kou lives forever and ever with fake yui. he doesnt care if it’s a dream or an illusion or whatever, he just wants to drown in it </3

#text #cl kou

[justiceforvillains]

Just a thought I had, but before you read this

TRIGGER WARNING (MENTIONE OF DEATH, TORTURE AND CHILD ABUSE)

BUT IT WILL GET BETTER PROMISE

----------

OK hear me out a Aizawa cursed ring/ thriller au (no quirks) where Aizawa is a cop, there is a case where children are being kidnapped and killed, Aizawa is sicken by the idea that some sick psycho could hurt innocent little kids, he has nightmares of the little dead bodies he sees.

But they found a trail, they found one women innocent looking at that, with a soft gentle smile playing on her lips, talking to the victim she gave the little boy candy, then left. that was the last person the boy talked to before he was killed, and turns out that "kind" women had a criminal record

He looks it up

“At the age of 13 she set the orphanage on fire, killing 31 children. The only survivors were her (y/n + l/n) and the caretakers.

They said she had a history of violence against other children”

Aizawa clenched the paper in anger “sir, she's in the interrogation room” he looked up at the voice “did she resist?” “No, sir actually she didn't say anything, she's been very cooperative" he raised an eyebrow at that “nobody will question her but me, understood?”

Once he went inside the room, he tried his hardest to breath through his nose, he can't get angry, can't afford it if he wants to get information out of you “so y/n I heard you've been pretty cooperative, I hope you stay like this and tell me why exactly you did it?” when he sat down, he noticed that you looked more like a little girl but from your records you should be about his age you were looking at the table completely silent

There was something strange in your eyes, they looked… sad? Bullshit it's all an act “you do know if you don't say anything we will have to take you into custody?” Still no reaction

“of course you're no stranger to that, you did the same when you burned down the orphanage” at the mention of the orphanage he saw you flinch, he also noticed you tugging the sleeve of your (way too oversized) shirt down, but Shouta caught a glimpse of the burned skin

He didn't feel sorry for you not one bit “I promise you I will make your stay in prison a living hell, I will torture you with all these souls you've taken, you will regret the day you were born” he didn't wait for a reaction this time just leaving, trying to contain his anger

they took you into custody, you didn't struggle, you didn't look at anyone, but you had the same broken look on your face and it bothered Aizawa “sir, we found this” he took hold of the bag “what is this?” “It's a ring sir, we asked the victim’s family and they said they have never seen it”

He nodded “ok you can leave” he looked at the ring it was big and brown, not thinking much he took it home with him

A few days past and you still didn't say a word, they were starting to doubt your ability to speak, but Aizawa fought to keep you away from the outside world “Shouta you really need to go home this case has been driving you crazy”

“Hizashi..” “No please go home, you're starting to scare the young officers here, you look like a zombie just sleep” Aizawa sighed he knows his friend won't drop it, he got up and left

He couldn't sleep, he's used to staying up to finish his work, he got up and turned on his computer, he was rewatching the video of the victim again and again, he doesn't understand how could you smile so sweetly at the boy then kill him

He could feel a headache approaching, he opened the drawer aimlessly searching for his aspirin, until his hand caught something, he pulled it out, it was the ring, wait last time he remembered it was brown, why is it black now?

Maybe Hizashi was right he's starting to hallucinate, he turned the ring around and found something engraved on it, he squinted trying to read the small letters

“Light A Candle Don't Curse The Darkness”

What the hell is this ring, he put it aside and tried to search it, the picture of the ring immediately popped up

“the Nirvana ring, a cursed ring, that will relieve to the owner, one secret they really want to know. Making them live through the experience”

“That's it?!” the officer said out loud, there wasn't any information on it, he looked back at the ring “relieve a secret that i really wanna know, ha?” he massaged his face in frustration “you're crazy Shouta”

TRIGGER WARNING CHILD ABUSE

He sighs, taking the ring in his hands again, he carefully places it on one finger, he chuckles, nothing happened, he closes his eyes again, but when he opens them he isn't in his room, where is he?

He looked around then he heard screaming and crying

He ran only to stand in a room where two grown ups were beating a child, and the crying and screaming was coming from another child that looked equally beaten up watching the scene unfold, Aizawa completely forgetting how he got here shouted “STOP!!”

He ran to grab one of the man’s shoulders, but it was as if he was touching air, he tried again but nothing happened, suddenly they stopped “shit why isn’t he moving?” “Shit i think we killed him” the other child a little girl sat their in complete shock only sobs escaping her lips now

Aizawa's eyes widened the child was in fact not breathing, he ran to the other child trying to block the view “hey hey hey hushh don’t look” but the girl didn’t look at him she looked behind him, one man took a hold of her and shook her “if you tell anyone you will die like him!”

The girl nodded hurriedly “what are we going to do?” The man who was holding the girl let go of her looking Aizawa dead in the eye “burn him” he felt like he couldn't breath what was going on? He closed his eyes hoping that this nightmare ends

When he opened them again, he found himself in a burning building Terrible screams of agony echoed from the child in front of him, she was holding onto one girl trying to carry her, her small body having no strength at all, he saw the same two men running away and grabbing the girl

The girl apparently burned her arm trying to save the other little girl, suddenly a loud creaking sound above him, distracted him, to his horror, the rest of the building was coming down on top of him, he screamed in fear, looking at the ring on his finger trying to take it off

But it wouldn't budge he closed his eyes and threw his arms above his head, when he opened them again he was in a police station? And he saw the same little girl alone “we are going to take you into custody"

When the girl turned around to follow the officer, Aizawa's breath hitched, those eyes, the same broken sad eyes, it couldn't be...

he closed his eyes again and suddenly he was back to his bedroom, he looked at the ring, color now ruby red

He tried to take it off and it did this time, he looked outside the window and saw it was morning, with that he ran to the police station, not giving two flying fucks about the ring that lays on his floor, when he made it, Hizashi stopped him “what the hell is up with you-”

“WHERE IS SHE?!” screaming in Hizashi's face “who?” “Y/N!” Hizashi gave him a look “in the integration room Toshinori is talking to her, why-” before he could ask aizawa had walked passed him and into the room “Toshinori get out”

“Wha-” “now” he demanded, as soon as the door clicked he sat down, he looked at you, the same sad eyes were staring at the table in front of you “you didn't do it” he whispered, still no reaction, and he understood why you were too broken to care, it tugged at Aizawa's heart

He took a deep breath before continuing “you didn't set the orphanage on fire either” and like a switch, you snapped your eyes looking at him in surprise mixed with fear

“How..” This was the first time the cop has heard the other's voice “why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell anyone what they did to the kids… ” He Paused, there were tears running down your face now, you looked exactly like the small girl he saw, he continued "what they did to you..."

You were sobbing now, completely broken down, he felt disgusted with himself thinking that you were the killer, a broken vulnerable soul “I will help you… ”

---------------

Did I make myself cry writing this? Yes

Must you all suffer with me? Also yes :D

Will I continue this? Probably not, feel free to write It just Tag me please

#aizawa x reader #aizawa x y/n #aizawa shouta #shoto aizawa #aizawa imagine #my hero academia aizawa #shouta aizawa #eraserhead #aizawa angst #aizawa comfort #hizashi #present mic #hizashi yamada #i made myself cry #bnha angst #bnha comfort #i might write something about this #Might make aizawa cuddle y/n #aizawa fluff #death tw #tw childhood trauma #aizawa drabble #aizawa headcanons #mha aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa hcs

[fanfictionsrookie]

...FUCK

Fuck don’t do this to me.

So Cinder lived in an orphanage for about ten years of her life. Since the beginning she was forced to constantly work under harsh conditions while the other children were free to play and hurt her. So this already gave rise to Cinder’s temper and tendency to lash out when provoked by people of lesser power than those keeping her captive.

And when someone does come around...

A woman who can give her a life she only dreamed of?

Well it turns to be just that, a dream, a fairy tale.

For this woman didn’t want another daughter to begin with. She wanted a servant, The woman does not even consider Cinder as a person who needs something as little as food. Cinder has to go out and ask for these things, and when it is given, it is simply enough to scrape by.

It is at this moment that Cinder realises that her life here, will be no better than the life she lived at the orphanage. It might very well be worse.

But even no, with no options but to do as she is told, Cinder is intrinsically defiant. She is looking for an escape.

Just like her fans, Cinder is forced to live off of crumbs. I’m sorry guys.

But seriously, this just hammers in the fact that Cinder has been taking care of herself, surviving since the beginning. She wouldn’t even dare risk asking for food, which will never be enough, and still get punished for it.

And there he is guys, Cinder’s prince.

Fuck this breaks by heart.

So Cinder has already unlocked her semblance. I’ve said it before, but to me, Cinder’s semblance is the subconscious manifestation or need for emotional warmth that she never got to experience as a child.

And what she got instead was torture. Like this is literal torture. And I can imagine like, just being adopted, Cinder is given this wonderful gift, a new home, a beautiful necklace. Only for it to turn into a cruel means of controlling her.

And this is giving me horrible deja vu.

Fuck me. Rule of three.

This scenes clearly cements the lasting effects of mental and physical abuse, especially when someone never escapes her abusive environment. Cinder presently knows what Salem is doing to her. But it’s something she doesn’t want to face, because of a desperate need to be free.

Just this reaction. This instant reaction of fear and always being on guard.

Cinder’s arc has multiple facets. The realisation that power does not guarantee victory, that hurting others does not heal your own pain, and as we’ll later see, that in doing so, you’ll forever be forced to go on the run. That one should peruse constructive methods in achieving one’s goals.

And what Cinder has always wanted is freedom.

I guessed her to be about 12 in the first snippet in the previous episode, but good grief this is heartbreaking.

Even more so when you realise that through everything, Cinder did look for a positive way out. She wanted to be a huntress. Just stop and think for a minute how different her life could have been. This is what she wanted. Freedom to live her own life, free from anguish.

And by the gods did she work hard for that dream. It’s not just seven years of training and waiting. But seven years of continuous torture.

And the effects of that is showing, slowly but surely the bottled up hatred is showing and she is trying so hard to bottle it up.

Then it happens. Cinder is so close. She has grown up into a beautiful young woman and she is on the verge of fulfilling her dream. Getting a taste of freedom. But, a dream once again.

Then it happens. Cinder is so close. She has grown up into a beautiful young woman and she is on the verge of fulfilling her dream. Getting a taste of freedom. But, a dream once again.

And to what a cruel reality Cinder has woken up to.

Now I would just like to point out fifteen minutes. Not just the fifteen minutes in which Cinder killed her ‘Mother’ and ‘Stepsisters’ but fifteen minutes in which Cinder most likely desperately tried to convince them otherwise and hold onto her goals which is is in her grasp.

Of course, what happens when Cinder is pushed into a corner with no way left to go? She attacks.

Another detail, but again, think how this ‘shock collar’ had Cinder on her knees in the beginning. Not only has she gotten used to it, but she still has the will to fight back.

Now, I very well know that who one becomes is because of who they are and their decisions, but up until this point, Cinder is right, what she is, is what they pushed her to become. What they deluded her into thinking, that the only way to freedom...

...Is to get rid of those who have power over you.

Fuck guys, I wanna cry.

Cinder knows what she did was wrong, she knows it. But she is still holding onto the possibility that everything will be alright now that her abusers are gone.

But then one obstacle turns into another. And at this stage, there is no turning back. At this moment, Cinder will do anything to make sure she isn’t locked into another cage yet again.

Let it be knows that Cinder has always been a crafty fighter. that was has always been her strongest, when she was at her weakest.

Cinder just killed a Huntsman.

The first person to ever care for her. The first person to show her any kindness. Because she was afraid that he’d turn out like all the other’s. And yet, he showed her that kindness up until the very end.

And here’s where is starts, burying her guilt, shutting out her emotions because Cinder finally got the freedom she wanted.

She is free. Her shackles are unbound. But all she can do is run.

Now, I wonder, if volume 1-3 had the same budget, or if CRWBY knew for certain that this was the direction they’d be going, would they have shown these scars on her neck? And are they still there?

Here we are. Back to the present and our view on Cinder is forever changed.

I can only assume that Cinder’s response, the fear of realising where she is after her failure, is because of the effects of her memory. That she hasn’t had the time to slip on that façade of hers. That underneath, Cinder is still a scared little girl.

Despite everything Cinder still has someone, one person who still cares for her and her feelings towards losing Mercury as an ally couldn’t have been clearer. Cinder wants people around her, to care for her. But she has yet to realise that, that means caring for them too.

But what would she know about that? The only prominent ‘caretakers’ in her life has been her ‘Stepmother’ and Salem. And that’s what Cinder is, or is trying to become, even if she doesn’t realise it.

And despite everything...

...Cinder is back where she started. Caught in the cycle of abuse.

Nothing has changed. Cinder swapped one abuser of another. One pair of chains for another.

And she is so close to realising it.

But Salem knows Cinder, she knows how to manipulate and make Cinder think that she is any different from her abuser. And Cinder believes it, or at least she wants to. Cinder wants freedom so bad that she would justify Salem’s abuse as such.

Now this shot.

To me this symbolizes Salem forcing/ manipulating Cinder to trust her. That isn’t Cinder’s hand. Those are the chains that binds Cinder to her. But Cinder still seems them as gifts, and I can only hope that’s she’ll tear it apart.

Another, Cinder’s third possible face off with Penny. Now, how will this go?

Considering Cinder’s recollection of what she learnt from Rhodes, and the Hound backing her up, I would want to belive Cinder will succeed, but CRWBY loves proving me wrong. If Cinder succeeds, then it could act as a further reinforcement that more power is not what she needs. Of course this means Pietro dying to most likely giving his last remaing Aura to Penny, but I very much doubt Penny will lose this fight. But at the same time, this episode feels like a shift in Cinder’s direction, and I’m not even sure to where.

Salem has reaffirmed Cinder’s trust in her, or so it seems, because right now they couldn’t feel further apart. Because of this shift I feel like Cinder would win, but not in the way she expected, perhaps not even by using Salem’s teachings,. But by her own cunning. This could mean blackmail. Cinder’s fear of failure could outweigh her need for the Winter Maiden’s powers, so she somehow tricks Penny, assuming she regains consciousness, into giving her the staff.

 ...

In short, I don’t know what is in store for Cinder.

To me, Cinder would break away from Salem the moment she realises what Salem is doing to her. But that means accepting that she isn’t free. And that is something Cinder is so terrified of that she won’t even consider it. The only way to get Cinder to realise this, is to take away the remaining person at her side, Emerald. Cinder needs to fear something else, more than she fears feeling powerless. But she also needs to realise what true freedom is like.

As for what that looks like for Cinder... I don’t know.

...

But CRWBY has done a fantastic job this episode.

We’ve waited for years and to me, it’s everything I expected, wanted, hoped for and more. This episode truly feels like a new chapter in Cinder’s story.

She might have gone from one abuser, one cage to the second, but we will be waiting for the third time.

For when she finally breaks free.

#rwby #rwby8 #cinder fall #rwby8 spoilers #fuck guys #im typing this in mozambique paying out the ass for data #T-T #but weve waited so long #and it was so worth it

[alison-anonymous]

I Want to Write a Mikayuu Series

Okay.

So um.

If you're reading this, HELLO. All of you long time ONS fans probably don't know me, but I'm Alison and I'm a hardcore Mikayuu, Mitsunoa, Gureshin, etc shipper. I've been in the ONS fandom for almost a year and dear god. The amount of people telling me that Mikayuu is queerbait is just making me really sad 😅 I'm a writer, and I'm the type of person who honestly feels like the author of a series should have the ability to choose how a story ends without influence of their readers. I mean, if it's their story, then it should be their ending, right? However, I also do have some qualms when it comes to how this "love triangle" between Yu, Mika, and Shinoa is being portrayed. This is entirely my personal opinion, but I feel like Shinoa seems to be forcing herself to love Yu. I honestly don't think she cares for him in a romantic way, but more of a very deep-rooted admiration or even envy that she's trying to convince herself to be romantic love. And Yu has said multiple times that he values Mika's life above his own, that he doesn't know what he would do without him if he were to die again (I mean the fact that he suffered seeing his best friend and potential lover die a first time was definitely scarring enough, PLEASE STOP TORTURING OUR POOR BABIES). And it's basically confirmed by now that when Mika said I love you in the manga, it was in the romantic sense. Even though I wish, I hope, I dream, and I pray that Mikayuu will become canon, I honestly can't say for certain what I think will happen. I think it could sway any way, with Mikayuu becoming canon, Yu and Shinoa becoming canon, or it being one of those ambiguous endings where it's heavily implied but nothing actually happens. And in order to make myself feel better when stuff like this happens, I tend to rewrite the entire story with the ending that I would have liked to see ;)

You're probably wondering where the hell this stranger is going with this. Well, I want to write a book. A series, actually.

One that's inspired by Seraph of the End.

Now, if you're interested in hearing me out, then feel free to keep reading. But if not, continue on with your scrolling, no hard feelings. But if you do, and I really hope that you do, give me a chance to explain.

I want to write a series inspired by Seraph of the End called Bloodsucker (working title, obviously). And this series is going to be a reimagination of ONS with an ending that I would have loved to see in the anime and manga. I plan to have three main characters (please keep in mind that I'm going to have name changes): Yuichiro, Mikaela, and a brand new character, Epic.

Now, I would begin this series a bit before the anime and I'm assuming the manga begins. I'd start with introducing our main three characters as they meet in the orphanage (yes, Epic would be a part of this orphanage as well) and how Epic and Yu try to make moves to run away only to be stopped by Mika and Akane.

I plan to include a scene between Epic and Akane where Epic tries to run out in the middle of the night only to be stopped by Akane, and this is what caused Epic to develop a crush on her (Epic is a girl btw). Then I would begin the whole shit with the vampires and how they set the world on fire and shit, but instead of the apocolypse, I'd make it so that most of the adults died in the fire while the kids were taken alive (because young blood is better and whatnot). This includes our little Hyakuya family. The directors would have tried to trade the kids lives for their own, and due to their selfishness, the vamps killed them and took the kids anyway.

This would begin my first story arc: the prewar.

Epic, Akane, Mika, and Yu would all be living under the vampires at this point along with the rest of the kids in their orphanage. I plan to include lots of moments of bonding that heavily imply Epic loves Akane even though she doesn't know it yet and Mika loves Yu, but Yu is fucking oblivious. The four begin to plot their escape, but while Mika and Akane (yes Akane too) are making deals with the vampires to help out with their family, Epic is constantly finding herself getting dragged along to visit Queen Krul. The pink haired vamp has a soft spot for her for some reason and often tells her that Epic and her family are "special" or sum shit. And she's super confused and semi grossed out. But none of the vamps ever dare to hurt her so she thinks it's fine. Then one day they all plot their escape and it's much more planned out and lengthy and less rushed than it is in the anime. Things almost seem to work out until the vampires stop them

And Mika and Akane DIE.

I know. I'm horrid.

Epic is standing here in shock as she watches the love of her life die before her and Mika BEGS for Yu to take Epic and run while they can. So while in the series only Yu survives, he obeys Mika and both him and Epic survive this. They're found by Guren (a new character I haven't come up with yet lol) and Yu is super protective over Epic, not wanting anyone to take the only piece of his family he has left (he's a fucking mess without Mika let's just be honest) and Guren ends up taking them under his wing.

Now we hit the second arc. Still with me?

The War.

Hold onto your hats everyone because this is where shit is about to get complicated. So I do plan to have a bit of a time skip into the current spot where Yu and Epic are attending school with Guren as their father figure and they've become very close. So close that Yu refuses to work with anyone else but her. They end up getting onto Shinoa Squad (obviously going to be completely different in my version) and they get put onto the battlefield. But here's the catch. Well, two catches.

Yu and Epic do have demon weapons. I do plan to try to incorporate that into this. BUT the backstory is different. I plan to make it so that the vampires obviously see the humans as fies. Insignificant things that are more playthings than threats. And they didn't want to have to deal with killing all of them, so they sent demons in their place to handle it. But the humans were able to form deals or "contracts" with the demons and therefore turned the vampires' own secret weapon against them.

Now, catch no. 2

So, Epic, Mika, and Yu aren't seraphs in this. But they are something else. I'm going to try to explain this as simply as I can, but each of them (besides Mika since he doesn't have a demon) have 3 souls inside their body:

Soul 1 is their current soul, the one that identifies as Mika or Epic or Yu.

Soul 2 is their demon soul, like what Asuramaru is to Yu.

And soul 3 is their archangel soul (I might change that name later on).

So I'm just going to come right out and say it. In this series, Epic is the villain.

Yes.

You read that right.

Epic is the villain. But she doesn't know that she is. These Soul 3s were reincarnated into the current bodies of Mika, Epic, and Ari (and I know that's not exactly how it works but screw logic this is just a fucking concept) from their lives centuries ago.

These souls existed way before vampires existed and Epic (or Essie) was very close friends with Yu (or Aytigin). Aytigin was in love with Haru (Mika) but for one reason or another, they couldn't be together. Essie wanted to do something, willing to do anything to make the two of them happy. So she made a deal that brought the vampires into creation so that Haru and Aytigin could be happy. She was willing to sacrifice everything that they stood for so that the two of them could be in love together.

She had good intentions, but of course Haru and Aytigin were furious because now the vampires were turning against the humans and they all basically died. Until they were reborn respectively, but unknowingly.

Now picking back up in the present, Yu and Epic are fighting in one of the main battles and the two are very confused when the vampires make a very deliberate attempt not to hurt Epic. They're unsure as to why, but Guren tells them not to worry about it.

Suspicious bastard.

Anyway, it's revealed finally that MIKA IS ALIVE

BUT HE'S ALSO DEAD

Yes he is a vampire. And Yu falls in love all over again upon seeing him, and after a bunch of struggling, Epic gets kidnapped. At first she gets strangled by Lacus and then she gets kidnapped by Ferid who doesn't kill her surprisingly.

Oh and uh... Ferid is nice in this. He's still a fucking creep, but he's a lot nicer than he is in the series. I plan to make Queen Krul or whoever I turn her into be the villain.

Anyway, they take Epic back to the vampire palace or whatever and Queen Krul and Epic are reunited! And Krul is the one who reveals to Epic exactly who she, Mika, and Yu are and this is what sparks Epic's fall to insanity.

I mean, she's the killer. She's the one who brought them into this world. She's responsible for every death the vampires cause.

I would go crazy too.

So, she manages to escape (partially thanks to Mika) and the two join Yu and the others again and it's revealed a second time exactly what is going on. And while no one actually blames Epic on the Shinoa Squad, that doesn't stop people like Kureto and even herself from blaming.

And this causes her demon to go haywire.

She begins losing her marbles, almost killing her teammates and trying to kill herself, all while the three begin to experience dreams or visions of their Soul 3s.

While all this shit is going on, there's heavy romance between Mika and Yu because these two lovers just got reunited and FUCK did they have glow ups but yes -

Oh. And there is another spark for Epic, even though she doesn't think she's worthy of love.

Okay. I'm just gonna say it.

Lacus falls in love with Epic. Yes. You read that correctly too.

I plan to make the two of them get trapped together at some point and they have to work together to escape. It's during this time that Epic realizes he's not all that bad and has some form of self control and he realizes that she's the most interesting thing he's ever met in this disgusting and boring life and damn do her eyes look pretty-

But yes. She forms a permanent alliance with him that he jokes about as marriage and they meet on other occassions too, but lol yes.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more fall to insanity, the Soul 3s take over their bodies on multiple occasions and there's a lot of bonding and fighting and Epic and Mika somehow manage to get some of the vampires on the human side.

And in the end, Epic and Yu basically sacifice themselves to save the human race and kill Queen Krul. It's a very rough ending I haven't quite perfected yet, but Yu has a moment like he did with the King of Salt. But though he inflicted a lot of damage, it's not enough. So while the team is worried about him, Epic takes this opportunity to fix her and Essie's mistakes.

She allows both Essie and her demon to take control of her body and dies on the battlefield. Queen Krul is eliminated. Most of the vampires are gone. The humans won.

Horray.

Epic is dead.

Kinda. Yu and Mika take her back home and this is the preview to the last arc where everyone's in the hospital and Epic's in a coma. Mika and Yu barely ever leave her side and it's only when Lacus of all people comes to visit that she fucking wakes up.

Okay. Are you still with me? Now come with me to the final arc.

The Post-War.

No my friend. It doesn't end there. Because Mika and Lacus are still vamps and life still sucks and I drank too much coffee this morning.

No it's not over yet.

So flash forward a couple years and Kureto and Crew are working as the heads of this city. Stuff is being rebuilt, people are settling down in homes, Lacus and some of the other "good" vampires find jobs, and Mika, Yu, and Epic get a house together (in case I didn't mention before, Epic is pansexual. She loved Akane dearly and I plan to include scenes where she sees her in her mind and dreams like Mikayuu so she's never truly gone, but she falls for Lacus too when he's not being a sadistic asshole). Things are going strangely when

BAM. Epic and Yu come up with a cure for vampirism.

How, you may ask? I don't fucking know, I haven't read about it in the manga yet but before we come up with an idea for it, imma say they came up with it through a spell. They share their findings with Guren and soon all vampires are being cured, most notably Mika, Lacus, and even Rene.

BUT and there's always a but, Kureto passes a new law claiming all vampires to be property. That any vampire or previous vampire or even vampire supporter/owner that tries to disobey these new laws is to be killed immediately. Now Epic and Yu are in jeopardy because their ex-vampires are in danger (Epic and Lacus have been hanging out a lot more and he's proven himself to be a decent guy. Contrary to popular belief, I headcanon him as not really knowing what to do when he actually cares about someone since he's been a heartless vamp for so long. So when he turns to Mika and begrudgingly asks him for LOVE ADVICE of all fucking things, Mika is ready to die). So basically, Mika and Lacus end up getting locked up along with the other ex-vamps (including Ferid which was a pain in the ass) and did I forget to mention that there's a proposal?

Oh yeah, Yu proposes to Mika and the blond still has yet to give him an actual answer because poor baby is still having a hard time accepting that Yu can love a "monster" like him.

But anyways, now Epic and Yu are furious and SHINOA SQUAD IS BACK IN BUSINESS. With the help of Guren and Shinya and everyone, they form a sort of rebellion and blah blah blah they manage to get Mika and Lacus and everyone out and blah blah blah they all get separated and Lacus begins to get INSANELY protective of Epic and ends up confessing his feelings to her before he nearly dies and blah blah blah did I forget to mention that I'm making Mitsunnoa and Kimizuki x Yoichi canon and blah blah blah.

Epic kisses Lacus as an instinct. Lacus kisses her again. Mika accepts Yu's proposal then almost dies AGAIN. I kill off some characters for emotional tugs and after a ton of more fighting and revenge and psychological breakings later, Kureto is killed. And Guren (or someone else haven't decided yet) is the new head of their city.

Epic, Mika, and Yu finally let Akane and the kids go. There's a lot of Shinoa Squad bonding but this is a summary so I haven't included much besides the main three. Epic and Lacus becomes canon. Mika and Yu get married. Guren and Shinya get married. Shinoa gets pregnant.

And everyone gets the FUCKING HAPPY ENDING THAT THEY ALL FUCKING DESERVE BECAUSE FUCK

I do plan to be slightly ruthless like the creator and include a lot of heartbreaking scenes, but it's going to be much different than ONS but I still want it to hold on to some core relationships.

I just want them to be happy. And I just want to make other people happy because fuck I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY

So. Yeah.

That's Bloodsucker...

So my question to you is... if I wrote this shit.

If I sat down and typed about 30 books roughly inspired by Seraph of the End and Mikayuu and Mitsunnoa and shit...

Would anyone read it?

♡ a.a.

#mikayuu #yuumika #mika x yuu #yuu x mika #owari no seraph #owari no straights #owari no serafu #seraph of the end #seraph of the gay #Mitsunnoa #i wanna write a book #reimagination #fml #send halp #lacus #new character #akane #what am i doing with my life

[thenorthernrecords]

Family Matters

[ The following  is a log of a scene between Jacob and Carolina, shortly after the Sargenis family meeting. ]

@seawitchtales​

Well that was exciting! Carolina’s heart hurt for Lani, she could completely understand the pain she felt from her Brother’s actions. Sea-colored irises watched Jacob as he told everyone goodbye, and closed the large doors of the long house. “...I don’t really know what to say about all of this. What a mess..” Using her arms she pulled herself up to stand using the help of the table. With a little wobble she’d reach into the pocket of her dress to pull out a flowered crown. With a weak smile she’d extend it out to Jacob. “... I was able to make you this..” And she was proud! (D)

So, dinner had been served, and he got to do some chitchat with the two elder 'cousins', which was nice, and for the most part, as messy as the situation was, dinner wasn't so bad! Riley had chosen to stay in a spare room in their home, and she went in for the night (probably to cry more) while the Areli family went to stay in the inn. Jac practically looked drained by the end of it. He rubbed the back of his neck, as he approached the table. "The man was a fucking prick. I'm glad you didn't get to meet him. The way he insulted his own sister?" He still got pissed off over it. Now, Michael Blackwood was horrible, but Eamonn Sargenis had an edge to his cruelty that made his blood boil. "Lani's holding up better than her two older sisters. It's a fucking mess, but his departure means we never have to worry about that idiot ever again." Good riddance! Jacob sat down with a huff, but the sight of a flower crown did make him feel better. He took it and just placed it on his head. "Look at you! You've recovered enough to start making me these again." Plus she was standing! He looked so proud of her progress. [d](edited)

When Jacob sat down Carolina took the opportunity to sit back within his lap, but this time she faced him. Gently both of her hands held his face with thumbs toying with his beard. For a long moment she looked into his eyes. She had thought she was damned to be trapped forever within the horrors of her mind. “...I’m so happy that you are real, Jac..” Her voice squeaked just a little bit as tears were held back. Her arms would wrap themselves around his neck so that a tight embrace could be given. “...I’m also glad that I never met him. He sounds like a real peach..” A rotten one. (D)

Jacob frowned, and reached up to stroke her cheek with his thumb gently. "Of course I'm real, sweetheart, and I'm not going anywhere." He smiled a tired, yet sincere smile, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly for a moment, reflecting just how damn happy he was that she was wake and with them again. Then, he scoffed. "Oh he was. The man was miserable -- I still can't believe I'm blood related to that man." Plus, they looked a little similar too, which annoyed him further. "I actually felt bad for him for a moment, but after today? Fuck that, and fuck him." He turned his head and spit on the ground because he was super serious! "That's another destructive relative I don't have to worry about anymore." [d]

Slowly Carolina leaned back so that she could lean against the edge of the table to watch Jacob as he spoke. “...what is it about Brothers? I mean everyone we know has the same issues including myself. We’ve got to make sure Erik is a good Brother, or I swear to Odin that I will hang him from his toes..” Because fuck this shit, their children would NOT be like this. Headache city. “..you look exhausted, my darling Jarl. We could go get close under the furs and sleep..” Before their darling children woke them up at the ungodly hour of the morning. (D)

Jacob let out a short sigh, leaning his head back so he can look up at the ceiling. "I don't know. Each case I know about has this odd sense of unearned entitlement, and maybe, their sisters have made them feel insecure, so they had to lash out." Jacob let out a snort, "But it proves just how weak and ball-less they were. This one --" Meaning Eamonn, "--respected me more than his own sister, but that's not saying much. Did you read the letter? ‘Jacob may carry our name if he wishes.’ As if I need his permission when I have Slania's already." Jacob simply chose not to carry it. "No, our children will be better because I'm making sure Erik never harms his sister, or lets harm come to her. I'm not going to coddle him and shit if he does." He raised his head to look at her. "We could, but we haven't had any time to just be together. It's been so long since you and I just spoke like this, without a care in the world. I missed it." Did he pout? Yes. Yes he did. [d]

A brow perked as she watched her Husband, pout? Carolina couldn’t even hold back a giggle. “...what’s this, Jacob Adair?” A content sigh was given as she leaned forward so that her face was directly in front of his. Her finger reached out and poked his nose. “...I missed it too, Jac, and I missed you. Don’t get me wrong..I missed our children. But the love I have for you is just different if that even makes any sense at all. I thought that I was going to die that night in the fire, and I was...well..never mind about all of that. Tell me everything that I missed, even if you think I wouldn’t be interested..” She had missed a whole lot, she was sure! (D)

The pout vanished almost instantly, and Jacob shrugged. "What's what? I don't know what you're talking about." He said casually, as if the pout never had occurred in the first place. But, he still smiled and gave her a wink. "Are you saying I'm more lovable than a child? Carolina Adair, I never!" He teased her, grinning ear to ear like the dork he really was inside. "Well, as you heard, Lani got hurt, but that big big guy, what's his name ... Keiran, saved her. You should have seen it, He came in with her in his arms, bleedin' all over him, and the man was worried." Which surprised him because it looked like Keiran had a sour grape in his mouth at all times. "But she recovered, thankfully. Benjamin Areli got hurt too, but he was nursed to health by Harper Maxson I believe." He raised his brows at that one. He had a feeling Katy wasn't feelin' too happy about that. "Oh, we rebuilt the orphanage, or rather, made it bigger and better.  Most of the city is rebuilt, with newer defenses too.  Leviticus has a brand new forge now -- the apprentice has become the master." And they totally did not want to give each other the biggest hug ever when Jacob told him he was to have a new forge because that would be crazy. Jacob then looked pensive, as if trying to decide something. He then let out an annoyed groan, and decided it was best to let Carolina know what had come in for her. He fished a letter from his pant's pockets and held it up to her. "So... this was for you. I normally would not open your letters but ...It's from your brother, Michael." He looked so disgusted just saying his name. [d]

“...you are the only man I will e v e r love the way that I love you, Mr. Adair...” Forever and always this fire would burn. Carolina watched Jacob as he explained the happenings over the past few months. “...Keiran is a good man, so I’m glad that he has decided to stick around.” Destiny would of never summoned him if there had been any doubt. Now a brow rose when Jacob mentioned Leviticus, followed by another giggle. “...you guys are disgusting, you’re going to have to control yourself with your mistress. She’s still a newlywed.” Oh ho! Quick with the jabs, lulz. And then her stomach fell. For a long moment she peered at the letter that Jacob held out to her. Slowly a hand would reach out before her gaze fluttered across the words that her Brother had written. By the time she was done reading, her whole body was shaking.

Rage.

The letter fell against the floor as she quickly stood from Jacob’s lap. That might of been a terrible idea because she was still way too weak to support herself. Both of her knees were shaking. “...why..why did HE kill Andrew. That was supposed to be..this motherfucker!” Carolina hissed, tears rolling down her cheeks. The one thing that had been promised to her was stolen. Andrew had only tortured her for almost her entire life. She always had to stay one step ahead, sleep with one eye open, and he still managed to catch her. Not once, but twice he almost succeeded in killing her. Because of him her whole family had been murdered. “...and I couldn’t even see the look on his face as he took his last breath..” Her knees gave way as she collapsed to sit on the floor, pulling her legs up under herself a bit. “...I’m going to have to go home, Jacob..” There was an emptiness to her voice, she couldn’t even look at her Husband. (D)

Jacob had frowned at the whole mistress bit. "Pfft. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. That man is an asshole." Said another man who was also an asshole. Now, when Carolina stood up, on instinct, Jacob reached out and put a hand on her waist, trying to keep her steady, but also, it would give him a chance to catch her if she stumbled. Jacob had a deep frown on his face. "If there's anything I know about your brother, it's that he acts before he fucking thinks. He also thinks he knows whats best." Which is a quality he shared with the shit brother he had just finished talking about. He began to rub her back, to comfort her, but then, he stopped. "Carolina, first of all, this is your home now. I thought we had talked about this," Jacob began, already beginning to feel that anger begin to boil, "You don't have to go home, and you don't have to fix his fuckin' mess. Didn't you just see what happens when you run and fix a shit brother's mess?! We just had a dinner with a set of sisters who did just that, and look how well that turned out!" Jacob was shaking his head. He didn't like this one bit. [d](

Carolina winced hearing Jacob’s tone, but she still never rose her gaze to look at him. Again her eyes scanned the letter as if somehow it would change. “...I cannot allow my Brother to be punished for killing a man that should have been hung in the Palace Square for his crimes. My parents are dead because of him, he’s tried to kill me multiple times. This is bullshit..” And in a small struggle she stood on bare feet, standing as strong as she could for the moment. “...family is always the most important thing, Jacob, even if they don’t deserve it.” Finally she looked at him, her long chestnut tresses spilling over just one shoulder. “If Caspian made these arrangements then there’s a serious problem brewing, and even if I wanted to ignore this..I cannot, nor will I.” Even if he was furious with her, she didn’t care. (D)

Jacob just stared, his face blank for a moment, but soon, he was breathing a little more heavily than usual -- an indicator of his growing exasperation. "He chose to kill the man, and even the right choices have consequences." He first state firmly. Oh, but the family bit? That made Jacob stand up and step away, his back towards Carolina for a moment. He tapped his foot, trying to not let his growing anger get the best of him. "What about our family?" He said slowly, strain in his voice as he turned around to glance at her, "Let's say something happens to you while you're out saving your idiot brother. What of our children? Shall they go motherless because you wanted to help the one family member who failed you time and time again? You just fuckin' came back to us, Carolina." He turned his face away, balled his hand into a fist and began to tap his fist into his other hand. "Just when I thought I was rid of all these cocksuckers." Yep, he was mad. His entire body was tensed up, but he was trying his hardest to keep it all from just lashing out. [d]

Irises narrowed slightly as she listened to her Husband. Oi, YES, my Brother is a fuckin’ douche...and then she sighed. Slowly the distance between herself and Jacob was closed as she stood in front of him. Both hands rose so that she could gently take his face and pull him closer to her level. “...Jacob, I will n e v e r leave you, nor our children. I love you more than I have ever loved anything else, and that is the o n l y reason I am standing before you today...” For a long moment she searched his face, her eyes starting to well up with tears. “...maybe I can bring a group with me. Harper needs to get her ass home instead of playing house with Ben..” Heh, trying to lighten the mood. “...we have peace for a moment, and I swear that this will be the one and only time that I return to Snow. If you allow it, I will never go back after this..” And she meant it. (D)

He crossed his arms tightly, and when she put her hands on his face, she would feel that his jaw was clenched. He studied her face silently, and when he saw the tears? He began frown, and looked away for a moment. He was trying to remain mad, but it was difficult to do so when his wife was being vulnerable. It made him feel like a dick. "... Tears won't work on me, Carolina." He said, but by the way he slightly pursed his lips? Yeah, it worked, much to his dismay. He let out a groan and aggressively rubbed the nape of his neck. The prospect of never having to worry about her going off to Snow Mystic was incredibly tempting. "Fine! Fine." He grumbled, extending his arms and letting them fall to his sides in defeat. "Yes, I want you to go with a group -- with at least one person I Trust." He crossed his arms again because he meant business! Clearly. [d]

“Really?!” Whoa! Mark this shit down in history, MARK IT DOWN. This was the same man that used to fight hard to push her away from him, y e a r s of being a dick. Carolina couldn’t help but to smile wide, wrapping her arms around his neck, basically climbing him so that she could wrap her bare legs around his waist. The Jarl’s wife may have attended a family meeting with nothing but Jac’s tunic on, heh. She was recovering! “...you can pick whom ever you want to, Mr. Jarl...Sir Jarl? Jarl Studmuffin..” Oooo, Daddy! Slowly she used her nose to turn his face back towards her so that the softest most sweetest kiss was offered to his lips. “....thank you, Jac..” Heh. Carolina’s cheeks may have been a little pink, but she was so...content. (D)

Naturally she started to climb him, he unfolded his arms and held her against him, with his hands in place beneath her. "Hah, now you're just patronizing me." He started with narrowing eyes, "If anything happens to you, I'm killing your brother. That's a promise." More like, the entire of Snow Mystic would burn to the ground if anything happened to his wifey, dammit. He'd have the army there in seconds, somehow. And like the softy that he begrudgingly was, he smiled slightly and gave her a peck back. And then another.  And then a third for good measure. What a sap. "...I love you too. I only get angry because I'm tired of bad shit happening to you and the rest of our family. But, if you doing this means I don't have to hear Caspian Fucking Maxson's name ever again, then I suppose it's a reasonable risk." Imagine?! He smiled at the thought.  "I'll pick, but you'd have to agree. I wouldn't want you to be in company you don't like either." [d]

Carolina giggled after the third kiss, but made sure to return every damn one. Honestly if she could ride around like this on Jacob, everyday, she would do it! If she had to move Heaven or Hell for him, well, y’all get it. “...I know you were scared, Jacob, I felt it..that’s how I stayed connected to you. And you’ll still be connected to me when I leave. Plus I know you’ll have a pair of beady little eyes watching for you. If anything happens I know you’ll come for me..” This War had done a number on the both of them, and she knew this wasn’t the best time to be going to a whole other country on some fuckshit, but it had to be done. “...and I will be okay with anyone from here. I know and love all o u r people..” Daw, she was so proud of Jacob, and now he’d know. She hadn’t really had the chance to tell him anything, ya know, comas and stuff. (D)

The war had basically almost wiped out the family he gained, through marriage and discovery. So, he was terrified deep down for sure! One bad brother had caused a shitstorm, and now another was causing another. it never ended! He didn't have to say it, it was all over his face how much it had all affected him. "A certain crow would be wise to watch over my wife lest he wants to be a stuffed animal!" He said in a raised voice, knowing the black feathered friend had heard it somehow. "I have someone in mind, but I gotta convince 'em first." He was worried about that part. But! That was a worry he'd deal with in the morning. "We should get some rest. If you want to go on this journey, I want your fully recovered, and ready. I want you to be ready to give them all hell."

#Jacob #Carolina #Jac's tired of his girls cleaning up after their dumb brothers y'all

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Playing With Fire ~ Part 4

Pairing: Michael Gray x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Talk of Cheating

__________________________________________________________

“Y/N! I need to show you something!” Michael drove up next to you as you walked along the street. You had been completely taken aback by his sudden presence, just expecting a quick run to the market. 

“Michael, what on Earth?” You asked, confused. 

He motioned for you to come to him, “Get in the car! I have to show you something!” 

You walked up to the car, leaning against the door, “What do you need to show me?” 

“It’s a surprise.” He said cheekily, “Just get in the car!” 

“Just tell me!” You whined, wondering what he could have to show you. 

Michael rolled his eyes, “That would ruin the surprise, now wouldn’t it? Now stop leaning on the car like a whore and get in.” 

“Excuse me?!” You asked, pushing back from the vehicle. “Michael Gray, you did not just call me a whore.”

Michael quickly realized his mistake, “I’m sorry, love. Please, the love of my life, will you get in the bloody car?” 

You cocked your eyebrow, crossing your arms. Finally, you rolled your eyes, opening the door and sliding inside. Michael leaned over, placing a quick kiss on your lips and shifting the car into gear. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” 

“You’ll find out when we get there.” He said, enjoying torturing you. 

“Fine.” You grumbled in defeat. After about ten minutes of driving, you’d noticed that you were on the outskirts of Birmingham, where the city met the suburbs. You looked around curiously, wondering what he could have up his sleeves. 

Getting out of the city felt wonderful. It wasn’t something you got to do often but it was such a welcome vacation when you did. The houses here were pretty, the air was clean, the people didn’t look quite as miserable. 

Soon the car came to a stop, pulled just off the main road. You looked up, noticing you were at a house. “Are we meeting someone?” You asked. 

Michael hopped out of the car and ran over to open your door, helping you out. He walked you to the sidewalk, facing the house, “Welcome home.” 

“What are you talking about?” You asked, not sure what he meant. 

“We need somewhere to live after we get married, don’t we?” His arm found your waist. 

It finally hit you what he meant, “Did you buy us a house?” You were in absolute shock, He bought a house! Yes, you knew you would be moving in together after you were married but you hadn’t really talked about the logistics. Clearly, Michael had thought about it. 

Michael didn’t say anything, just smiled as he led you to the front door. “Welcome home, darling.” He opened the door and you covered your mouth in disbelief as you stepped in. 

The house wasn’t huge but it was perfect for your small family. When you stepped in, you found yourself in a small foyer. Right ahead was a larger open living room that was fully furnished already. In all honesty, you weren’t a fan of the fabric on the couches and seats but that was an easy fix for you, given a few days. To the right of the living room was the kitchen and dining room and to the left were three bedrooms. “Michael this is amazing. How did you afford this?” 

He shrugged, “Work is going well and this is something that we need for our future,” His hands softly found your swollen belly, “For our family.” After a brief pause, he added, “Do you like it?” 

You turned to him, finding it difficult to take your eyes off the house around you, your house. “I absolutely love it. I can’t believe you’ve done this. It’s perfect.” You walked up to him, grabbing both sides of his face as you kissed him deeply. His strong arms wrapped around you and picked you up, your toes hovering inches off the floor. 

When he set you back down, he smiled, completely unable to take his eyes from your beautiful face, “I figured we had to get our own place before we get married.” 

You couldn’t help but grin at the thought. As you stood there in Michael’s arms, all you could feel was love for the man. “Two more weeks then you’re stuck with me forever.” 

“I better run now then.” He teased. You feigned offense and hit his chest with a scoff. 

“Don’t you even think about it.” Michael leaned away a little but you grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him back into you, kissing him again. 

Michael reached down and grabbed your hands before spinning you around, pressing your back to his chest and keeping his arms around you. He rested his chin in the crook of your neck and you closed your eyes, leaning back into him. “Welcome home, darling.” 

____________

Michael sat back against the table, rubbing his face and trying to hide his anxiety. “Father Hughes cannot be allowed to visit the children in the orphanage.” He demanded matter-of-factly to Tommy. 

“I don’t have a choice, Michael. I’m doing everything I can but at the moment I need to make the Economic League think that we’re working with them and the only way to do that is to do what the priest says.” Tommy explained, not too pleased with the way that Michael was talking to him but he understood where Michael was coming from. He didn’t want Hughes near the children any more than Michael did but with Michael about to become a father and being a victim of the pedophile himself, he knew how much it bothered him. 

“Let me kill him.” Michael said suddenly. 

Tommy shook his head, “No. I swore to Poll that you wouldn’t be involved in any of that.” 

“I am not a child. I’m a Peaky fucking Blinder and I will do what I need to do to as long as my family is safe. Please, Tommy. Let me be the one to kill him.” Michael pleaded. 

Tommy was silent for a moment, thinking. “Alright. Alright, fine, Michael. You get to kill the priest.” 

Michael sighed in relief and nodded a thanks to his boss. He was going to be the one to end the man who’d tormented him as a child and the idea was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. 

“Only two more weeks Michael!” Arthur burst into the room loudly and ran up to Michael, punching him in the arm. It wasn’t a hard hit but it still sent an unsuspecting Michael tipping over a little bit. He’s probably done some cocaine again, Michael thought. “You’re a lucky man there, Gray. Y/N’s a real beauty there. Of all the girls you could’ve knocked up in Small Heath, you probably picked the best.” 

Michael scoffed but couldn’t help the chuckle that mixed with it, rolling his eyes at the high man he’d come to consider his brother. “You look like you’re feeling pretty good there, Arthur.” 

“Why, of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t test my contribution for the night for quality control?” Arthur’s eyes bounced all around the room and his energy seemed to be going insane. John and Isaiah came in with some of the other Peaky boys.

Michael was confused, “What do you mean ‘your contribution for the night’?” 

John wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him in tight, “Michael, you’re getting married. We’re throwing you a night you won’t forget!” 

Michael couldn’t remember anything. He woke up the next morning on the floor of his new home that he’d bought for you two, face stuck to the wooden floor by some sticky substance he hoped was dried whiskey. He sat up slowly, squinting in the bright sunlight and trying to ignore the pounding in his head. What the hell happened? 

John was passed out in a rather uncomfortable looking position in the armchair. Arthur was face down on the table, lines of cocaine drawn up next to his nose that was still powder white. Oh God, was he still alive? Michael crawled over and checked his pulse, which seemed to be beating normally. 

Next was Isaiah. He was lying across the long couch, his pants undone but nothing hanging out. Over his body, a mostly nude woman with her breasts fully visible laid asleep. Around the room, he noticed at least two other naked women, all of whom he recognized from around town. The other Peaky boys were still asleep too, some with coke covered faces, some with bottles of whiskey just barely being held by their fingertips. 

Michael stood slowly, bracing himself on furniture as he made his way up.  When he stood, something felt off though. His pants hung loosely on his hips, his suspenders were off his shoulders, and his pants were unbuttoned, just like Isaiah’s. Suddenly, panic hit him. He didn’t sleep with a whore did he? He didn’t cheat on you right? There was no way he would! … Right? 

Suddenly, the front door was pushed opened and he could hear your voice, “Okay, mom, this is it! It’s absolutely beautiful!” 

Before he could react, you’d already seen him. Both you and your mother froze in shock at the scene before you. John, Arthur, Isaiah, and other men you’d seen around the shop were passed out in various positions around the living room. Your living room. Bottles of alcohol were strewn around (as were several puddles that had been spilled), lines of cocaine and blades they used to cut it were all across the coffee table, and naked women who you’d assumed were prostitutes were asleep all over the room. 

But worst of all was your fiance standing in the middle of the room, his hair a mess, dark circles under his eyes, remnants of white on his face, and his pants undone. “Michael…” You choked, not knowing what the hell to say. 

“Y/N! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I-” 

“Michael, what the fuck?! Is that cocaine?!” You yelled, stomping over to him, thumb running across the white under his nose. “And are these fucking whores?!” 

By this point people had started waking up. “Y/N?” Isaiah asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The naked girl on his chest slipped off his body and landed on the floor with a thud, hair sticking up in every direction, and makeup smeared all across her face. She let out a still drunk giggle and you couldn’t contain yourself anymore.

“Shut up, Isaiah!” You hissed, shooting a poisonous glare at him. 

Your mom followed in disbelief, unsure of what to say or how to react as well. You were absolutely distraught. 

“Michael, I can deal with the drinking and I can deal with the cocaine but I cannot forgive you fucking some whores!” Tears streamed down your face and you weren’t sure how much of it was just hormones. “I don’t need you, Michael. I’ll raise this child on my own. Enjoy your fucking drugs and whores.” You reached down, throwing the little container of blow at him before spinning and storming your way out. 

Michael reached for your hand, and you stopped just long enough to send him a death glare, “Y/N, please. I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you.” 

“Apparently you would.” Your voice cracked as you ripped your hand from his grip, leaving out the door. 

He began following you but your mom stepped in his way, “Don’t come by the shop. I don’t want to see you around anymore.” 

Five days passed and the hurting never stopped. Everything had been going so well. You were going to be married in two weeks! You had a house and the most wonderful man and a baby on the way! And then, as if it were nothing, Michael had ripped it all away. 

You refused to go back to that house. He bought it, it was his. If you weren’t going to be together, you weren’t going to live in his house. You refused to talk to him. He had come over the next day to try and apologize but your mother refused to let him in. 

You hadn’t left the house in five days either. The last thing you wanted was to accidentally run into Michael. You’d made yourself busy with work and you’d never gone through orders so quickly in your life. You just zoned out, stuck in your own head, thinking about the situation, and before you knew it, the piece you made would be done. 

But you were at the point where you knew you had to get out, even if only for a few. You were sore from hunching over and your mom had been insisting that sitting around for so long wasn’t healthy for you or the baby. “Mr. DeLuca requested for his son’s suit to be dropped off. Why don’t you go run that order to him. It’s not too far and it’s on the opposite side of town from Shelby Limited so you shouldn’t run into Michael.” 

She was right. It was a good excuse to get out of the house and shop for a few. “Alright, I’ll be back in a few.” You pushed yourself out of your seat, officially finding yourself wobbling a little bit from the size of your belly. You grabbed your coat and the suit before leaving the shop. 

You’d quickly turned left, the opposite direction of Michael’s work, and hurried your way as far away from it as possible. Mr. DeLuca’s was about four blocks away. After two blocks, you turned right just to bump into Arthur Shelby. You groaned, knowing where this was going. 

“Y/N!” He said, surprised to see you. 

“Arthur.” You responded coldly, avoiding eye contact and continuing walking down the street. 

Behind you, you heard him jog to catch up with you, “Y/N! I need to talk to you.” 

“No. You’re part of the reason my relationship is ruined. I don’t want anything to do with you.” You brushed him off. Before you could step further, you felt yourself being pressed against the wall by your shoulders. 

“Y/N, Michael didn’t sleep with anyone.” Arthur told you. 

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, sure, like I’m gonna believe you. You were all gone on blow and I’m sure you boys were the ones who set the whole thing up! You’re just trying to help him cause he’s your mate but he made a decision and now he gets to deal with the consequences.” 

“Will you shut up?” Arthur asked, the gentleness of his voice a stark contrast to the demand, “Michael didn’t do anything. I’ve had many nights like that night, enough to know how to remember them. Michael hasn’t. Yes, we threw him one last wild night before you got married and yes, there were prostitutes, but Michael didn’t touch them-” 

“Bull shit! His pants were undone!” You called his bluff. 

Arthur shook his head, “No. One of the girls was trying to get him to bed with her but he kept saying no. She tried undoing his pants to get him to do it but he pushed her away. He passed out right after from the blow and the girl ran off with John.” 

You scanned his face, unsure if he was lying. You wanted to believe that he was telling the truth so badly. You missed Michael beyond words and all you wanted was to marry him still despite how badly he hurt you. But you also couldn’t let yourself be in a relationship with someone who’d cheat on you. 

“Why don’t you try talking to him?” Arthur suggested, letting you off the wall finally. 

“You’re lying?” You asked. 

Arthur shook his head, “On my mother’s grave, Michael Gray did not have sex with anyone that night.” 

You knocked on the backdoor of Shelby Limited hesitantly. If Arthur swore on his mother’s grave, you knew he wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t. The door opened to reveal Tommy. “Y/N.” He said, surprised. Apparently, he’d heard. 

“Can I talk to Michael?” You asked, eyes moving from the steps to his face. Without a word, Tommy stepped back, letting you in. “Thanks.” You muttered quietly, dipping down the hall towards his office. 

Michael Gray. The words across the door made your heart skip a beat. Gosh, just his name still made you feel giddy. You rapped your knuckles slightly on the wood, hearing a quiet, “Come in.” 

You slowly opened the door, swallowing when you saw him realize it was you. “Y/N…” 

“Hey Michael. Can we talk?” You asked quietly. He nodded, closing the book of accounting records he was keeping. 

“How are you?” He asked, unsure of what else to say. 

“Arthur told me you didn’t sleep with anyone.” You tore off the band-aid. 

Michael sighed, “Yeah, he told me that too. He and John both told me what happened.” 

“I’m sorry for not trusting you but you have to know how bad that looked.” You explained. 

He nodded, “No, I know. In all honesty, I didn’t know what happened either and I was terrified that maybe I did make a drunk mistake. But I’m glad I didn’t.” 

You smiled a little, “Yeah, me too.” 

His eyes brightened a little, “So does this mean that things are back to normal? 

You nodded, “Just over a week until you’re stuck with me.” You teased nostalgically, thinking back to a week ago. 

Michael stood up and walked over to you, hands running along your arms as he stared lovingly into your eyes, “I wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.”

Taglist: 

@bat-shark-repellant

@awwhhsnapple

#michael gray x reader #michael gray fanfic #Michael Gray imagine #Michael Shelby #michael gray #michael gray x pregnant!reader #pregnant!reader #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders fanfiction #Peaky Blinders #playing with fire

[kathyprior4200]

Helluva Boss Episode Remakes!

 Not too far away from Pentagram City lay a shady place in the bowels of Hell. “Welcome to Imp City: est. 1981” was posted on a worn wooden sign with a white painted eye toward the top. Under a crimson sky, a wide array of buildings made up the city, some with spikes on the roofs. Downtrodden imps of various colors and sizes mulled around the streets and ghettos. Mugging, sex, drugs, poverty, and murder were common aspects of their everyday afterlives. Indeed, being considered “lesser demons” and the “lowest of the low,” not very many had opportunities granted to them.

 Well, save for a unique family of imps, trying to get their business running.

 Just who were these imps?

 A nearby screen showed old fashioned numbers ticking down, 3, 2, and 1. Blitzo, a red and white faced imp, appeared on stage in front of purple open curtains. “Hi there! I’m Blitzo! The “O” is silent, and I’m the founder of I.M.P.!” He put out his hand and the logo appeared above it. The “M” in I.M.P. looked like imp horns, black and white in color. Down below were the words “Immediate Murder Professionals.”

 Blitzo spoke again. “Are you a piece of shit who got yourself sent to Hell?”

 A picture of Blitzo with a mustache and two black top hats over his horns was grinning evilly as a building burned in the background. The sign nearby read “Orphanage for elderly, blind, and newborn dogs.”

 “Or are you an innocent soul who just happened to get fucked over by someone else?”

 The next image showed Blitzo in a white angel costume, happily throwing away a Styrofoam coffee cup in a wastepaper basket instead of a recycling bin in an office.

 In the next shot, Blitzo held up a sign which read “Some guy who hired us!” A buff horned red demon wearing a white Ohio shirt stood not too far from the camera, a 666 News billboard in the background. He punched one fist into his hand.

 “After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you can imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body.”

 Blitzo appeared again, this time with his fellow imps Millie and Moxxie in the background. A white-clothed altar with a mirror and skulls on it was in the very back. White candles were spread around the room. The two imps were sitting at a pentagram drawn on the floor. Blitzo held a blue Satanic ritual book in his hand.

 “Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company’s special access to the living world…”

 He waved his hand and a flaming portal appeared in the center of the room, causing Moxxie and Millie to scatter.

 “…we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!” He happily fell through the portal on his back like it was a mosh pit.

 Then the musical jingle started:

 “When you want somebody gone

And you don’t wanna wait too long

Call the Immediate Murder Professionals”

  “Hand grenade or cyanide

We’ll make it look like suicide

The Immediate Murder Professionals”

 “We do our job so well

‘Cause we come straight up from Hell…”

 “We’ll kill your husband or you wife

We’ll even let you keep the knife,

 The Immediate…Murder…Professionals.

 Kids die for freeee!”

  A white person appeared with a thought bubble of his enemy with a red x. A demon fell to the floor and the person looked up. The I.M.P. logo appeared, silhouettes of Millie with a spear, Moxxie with a gun and Blitzo in the middle, spreading out his arms to make an “M.”

 Fast paced shots flashed through the ad.

 Moxxie throwing a grenade out a window as his companions grinned.

 Blitzo hanging a person in an office building while Moxxie watched. Millie held a suicide note in her hand.

 Then more killing scenes flashed: Blitzo electrocuting a person, Millie using a mace, Moxxie choking his victim.

 Blitzo led the way through a portal to Earth, Millie and Moxxie following. Moxxie tripped on a book and landed on his face while the others posed. They then stood up shocked…at the people in a church staring at them in confusion.

 Millie killed a naked couple with a chainsaw while Blitzo looked greedily at a woman’s underwear.

 Blitzo repeatedly stabbed someone else tied up near a “Blitzo show” sign at a circus.

 The three imps used more methods to kill Earthlings: Medieval torture racks, shark attacks, fire and gasoline on someone, pillow suffocation, crushing someone to death with a grand piano, the electric chair for a prisoner…

 “Kids die for freeeee!” ended the ad.

 Moxxie and Millie sang a murder love song in their living room before the meeting. Moxxie played on his purple demon-face guitar as Millie watched him with love in her eyes. It reminded them of the good times when they would shot at demons together in the streets, drag a bloody sack behind them and when Millie got a grenade as a present and used it to blow up a building.

  “Oh what a thrill when the crimson starts to spill

And my Millie goes in for the kill

She takes away my breath

She’s the angel of death for me

Oh Millie

She a queen, it’s like a dream

When I hear her victims start to scream

Get him out of the sack

She’s a maniac for me

Oh Millie

When the blood starts dripping down the sides

And the bodies start to fall from the skies

My heart skips a beat

When my Millie’s guns a blazing in the night

That’s in love

She makes the murdering fun for me”

 Both of them hummed before Moxxie finished,

  “Of all the imps in Hell…

Millie joined in, “It’s for him that I fell…

“Oh Millie.” They leaned in for a kiss.

  They paused. Moxxie yelled, while looking out the window. His boss, Blitzo was pressed against the window with a video camera. “Are you fucking filming us right now?!”

 Moxxie sighed, as a smiling Blitzo held up a sign which read “Meeting in 20 min: nice job banging yo’ wife!”

  Just before the meeting, the head imp, Blitzo walked into the receptionist room.

 “Blitz!” called Loona, the hellhound, holding a bone shaped phone in her hand. “That clingy rich asshole’s on the phone! Says it’s urgent and wants to talk to you!” Then she added in a lower voice, “Sounds a little DTFy.” (Down to Fuck)

 Blitzo spilled water on himself as he talked with Moxxie by the water cooler. “Oh god that was one time! We wouldn’t have access to the living world…if I hadn’t slept with that privileged asshole!”

 “You what?” Moxxie asked in disbelief.

 “Blitz!” Loona barked in outrage.

 “I heard you already!” Blitzo yelled. He stomped into his office and picked up his red cell phone. He played with little bobble heads of his imp coworkers, Moxxie and Millie. Signs were tacked to the wall, reading: “The Incredible Blitzo! One night only! Tickets now at the Big Top!”

 “So…” Blitzo beamed nervously, “What can I do you for this time, Stolas?”

 The owl overlord replied, lounging on his couch in a royal red robe and a crown.

 “Remember that time when I told you that a political candidate was causing problems up on Earth for a few of my associates? That he tried to convince people that global warming existed?”

 “Yes?” Blitzo answered.

 “And that it does, but more people die when nothing’s done about it? Oh, how lonely I felt.”

 “Okay well, yeah that makes sense,” Blitzo said.

 “But now…” he hooted in laughter. “There are tons of new sinners coming down here every day! I just had a feast and a murder party several nights ago. I wondered why a horde of people arrived and it’s because of a disease called the coronavirus! My, it’s the best thing to ever happen since my wedding with my queen Melody and my darling daughter Octavia’s graduation from flight school. Oh, how marvelous!”

 “Well…I’m very happy for you, sir,” Blitzo said. “I hope that…corn-ah virus does its thing.”

 Stolas sighed. “My wife wasn’t happy with me, though. She said you fell onto a cake in the middle of a lunch with her and the royal officials. What did you say to her?”

 “I said…’sorry I fucked your husband.’” He gulped.

 A tense silence.

 Blitzo examined his chest and arms. “I still have the talon scars and peck marks to prove it.”

 “And she also said that you stole one of my books, is that true?”

 “No! No way!” Blitzo lied, with a nervous laugh. “That was another imp long ago. Can I tell you how great it felt…sleeping with you?”

 “Indeed,” Stolas agreed with a contented sigh. “Your sharp horns and claws ruffling through my feathers, and my talons and beak exploring your multicolored flesh. You know what happens when I’m lonely, Blitzy?”

 “Oh, god fucking dammit…” Blitzo muttered to himself.

 Stolas’ eyes grew red. “When I’m lonely, I become hungry. And when I’m become hungry…I want to choke on that red dick of yours!  **** your ***** then lick all of your *****, before taking out your **** and **** with more teeth until you’re screaming ******** like a fucking baby!”

 Blitzo hung up the phone, the words on Stolas’ picture reading “creepy mouth: aka one night stand bird dick.” and smashed it with a rotary phone. He threw the pieces into a blender and mixed it up.

 “Eat this!” he told Loona who walked in and drank the red liquid.

 “And then you know that bridge over the freeway?” he asked.

 “Yeah?”

 “Shit off it! It’s time for the meeting, let’s go.”

  The imps currently resided in a tall office building that seemed to stand out among the other structures. Along with spikes jutting from the roof and sides, there were a pair of giant black and white imp horns attached to the sides of the building for decoration. The lights inside near the top floor were on.

 Posted on a door were the words “I.M.P. Headquarters” with “IMP Meeting in Progress” written on a piece of paper taped to the door, a smiley face off to the side.

 On a white board was a bar graph and a line graph, the line graph pointing lower at a drawing of a raging horned demon. “Fix this shit!” was written in big bold letters that took up much of the board. “Blitzo is the best, by Blitzo” was scribbled off to the side. Several tall chairs with spikes jutting from the top boarders were set near a brown table in the center of the room. A white pentagram was drawn in the center of the table.

 Up front, a black, white, and red colored imp paced back and forth, sprouting long curved striped horns: Blitzo. He wore black fingerless gloves with what looked like a yellow eye design on each glove. He was dressed in a slender navy blue business suit with light red buttons. A small round pink pin with black eyes and a stitched mouth was attached onto a red undershirt below his slender chin. What looked like a black two-clawed print mark lay over his red forehead. Along with sharp teeth, the imp has red iris eyes with yellow sclera. Like a typical devil, he also had a red pointed tail. He had four red finger-shaped claws on each hand.

 Blitzo began to speak, pacing back and forth. He looked toward his audience of two imps and a hellhound sitting on chairs around a table.

 “Alright, now I know business has been…a bit slow, lately, yes.”

 He mentioned to the board at the downward sloping line. “In fact, there seems to be less people seeking out our services; 1,056 in comparison to the 1,066 from last month. We’ve basically spiraled from the True Blue Market to that of the Raging Bull.” He pointed at the roaring demon head drawing on the board.

 “Shouldn’t it be the Bull Market is good and the Bear Market is bad?” said a voice.

 “Loona, nobody cares,” Blitzo said. He continued.

 “Any decrease could spell disaster for us, not to mention how lots of people use our services and yet look down on us.”

  Blitzo cleared his throat and spread out his hands. “It’s no one’s fault, okay? I’m not naming any names here…Moxxie.”

 Moxxie raised his eyebrows in a “what the hell?” gesture as Blitzo looked at him. The serious imp had a red face, yellow eyes, white hair framing his face and stripped horns jutting off to the sides in slight curves. He wore a large red bow-tie and a navy blue suit. White freckles were present under his eyes.

 Blitzo continued, “Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?”

 Millie, the bubbly imp raised her hand. She had a red face, messy black hair with a white flower patch near the top, and short black horns with faint white stripes. Her eyes were also yellow and she wore a black top, black torn pants, high heeled shoes and a little black choker around her neck. Her eyelashes extended past her face.

 Millie waved her hand and beamed, eyes shining. “What…about…a car wash?!”

 “This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay?”

 Just then, there came a coughing from the other room. A small cyclops demon with hot pink hair with a patch of yellow opened the door and walked in. She brushed off soot from her hot pink skirt and waved at the group, who stared in surprise.

 “Hi, I’m Niffty! It’s nice to meet you. Are you part of I.M.P.?”

 “Uh yes?” Blitzo replied, unsure of what to make of this random maid.

 “Oh great, because one of my friends sent me here to investigate, he’s a busy chap, you know, and oh so dreamy!”

 She darted around the room and began removing cobwebs from the windows. “It looks like there are two men, a woman and a dog here, a nice balance.”

 Loona, the grey hellhound glared at Niffty, narrowing her red eyes. “What was that, you little shit?”

 Loona had a red cell phone in her clawed paws, the back of the phone displaying a black upside down cross. She wore a grey top with black strings in the shape of an inverted pentagram. A spiked collar was around her neck. Her pants were dark and torn, with a white crescent moon on them. Her feet were bare and her hair and tail were thick with white and dark fur.

 Niffty stopped in her tracks. “Now, did you guys need any cars to be washed?”

 Blitzo shook his head. “We don’t have any cars here, we’re broke as fuck.”

 Millie stared at Niffty and cupped her own cheeks with her hands. “Oh my Satan! She’s so adorable! Can we keep her?!”

 “No!” Moxxie and Loona said at the same time. The two workers then glared at each other.

 Moxxie crossed his arms. “We’re in the middle of a meeting right now. Do you mind?!” He pointed to the door.

 Niffty laughed nervously, “Oh okay, sorry about that, hehhehheh. I’ll be outside if you need me!”

 She scurried out of the room.

 Blitzo paused for a moment, then said, “Oh right! Ideas for our company!” He waved his hands, his eyes shining. “Ooh, what about a billboard?”

 Moxxie crossed his arms. “We can’t afford a billboard, sir.”

 Blitzo rushed over and held Moxxie in a headlock. His voice was rushed and sarcastic, “Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you’re in the room right now.” He shoved Moxxie away.

 Blitzo stared in frustration. “Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?”

 He picked up a remote and turned on an old fashioned TV.

 After static appeared on screen, the footage showed the group killing off individuals.

 Blitzo bashing a red demon’s head with a mullet.

Moxxie shooting a blue person tied up to a chair.

Loona grabbing a red person in her mouth and shaking the person side to side like a wolf.

Millie beheading a blue person with a spear and laughing.

 Blitzo watched with a relaxed smile on his face, holding up a blue bowl of popcorn. Loona sat on the table, popping popcorn pieces into her mouth. Millie was perched on the table, enjoying the show, but Moxxie stood off to the side with a grumpy face.

 Posters hung from the walls, one showing Blitzo and his two sisters, Tilla (an imp with long black hair) and Barbie Wire (a smiling imp with ram-like horns.) It was a picture of them at a circus, the banner reading “The Amazing Imp Siblings!” Blitzo remembered the good times he had with them when they performed on stage. Barbie Wire would balance on a tightrope, holding a pole with flames on either end. Tilla tamed and evaded manticores, dragons and other beasts that were released into the arena. Blitzo would sing songs about murdering people and they would all pose and bow at the end as the crowd cheered.

 That was before Blitzo moved on to form I.M.P. recruited Moxxie and Millie, and adopted Loona.

 Blitzo moved his hand toward his chest and sighed with content. “Ahh, those were the good times.”

 Moxxie spoke up as Millie ate a piece of popcorn. “I don’t need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel, nobody watches.”

 Blitzo turned his head, insulted. “Uh, hey, excuse me.” He stood up. “What’s “obnoxious” about a super-fun jingle, all right? It’s a fun distraction when an advertisement’s spittin’ bullshit!”

 He walked across the room.

 “People love musicals, sir,” Millie added.

 Blitzo smiled. “Exactly, Millie, and we’re basically doin’ a musical.” Blitzo did jazz hands before pointing rapidly at Moxxie with a scowl.

 “Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?” He lowered his head.

 “Sir…” Moxxie began, but his boss cut him off.

 “Because right now, all I see is just my dad’s asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.” He turned his head away.

 Millie leaned in toward her husband and spoke with a teasing tone. “Are you trying to crush his dreams, Moxxie?”

 “I…what?” he asked, looking at her. Millie leaned in close and stuck out her tongue, tail curling. “I thought I knew you.” Moxxie rolled his eyes; his wife loved to annoy him.

 Blitzo turned back to Moxxie, tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe you, Moxxie. After I made you employee of the month!” He held a picture of Moxxie with his mouth open in a roar, snake tongue showing.

 Moxxie threw up his hands, “Okay, sir! I’m sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles.”

 “I liked it!” Millie pipped up.

 Moxxie turned to her, finger shaking, “Do not…do not agree with him in front of me.”

 Loona sat, bored, playing on her phone. Moxxie’s head appeared on the screen but was crushed by a weight and then blown up by a bomb. At one point his face was sliced in half as “boom!” flashed across the screen.

 “Remember when we shot that kid on Earth?” Blitzo asked.

 Moxxie got a flashback. “Oh, right. I shot that boy who was walking around licking strawberry ice cream. It was an accident. He was taken on a stretcher to the hospital.”

 The pink haired nurse had said, “Doctor, he’s not responding!”

 “Cool water, stat!” The blue-haired man had said next. He slammed water down on the boy and said, “It didn’t do anything!”

 The doctor had said, “Damn it! I’m not losing another one! “Clear!” Then they had shocked him and the boy somehow woke up with a gasp. The doctor said “Holy shit, it actually worked.”

 Millie then explained that the three of them sat in the waiting room. Blitzo read a magazine while Millie comforted Moxxie. The doctor had said to the imps, “He appears to be in stable condition, but he’ll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?”

 Then Blitzo asked, “The fuck is insurance?”

 Moxxie sighed, “…and then they kicked us and the boy out and we fell back into Hell.”

  A moment later, Moxxie spoke, hands forward in front of him. “I’d like to go on record and say that incident was Loona’s fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It’s very simple.”

 “Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie,” Loona replied without looking up.

 Moxxie stuttered angrily, looking for a comeback. “You sit! Sit on…a… and the d...do your job!” He slammed his palm on the table.

 Blitzo scolded him. “Hey, now we don’t blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay? She didn’t do anything wrong!” He hugged her and nuzzled his head against her cheek, the hellhound growling at him to get off.

 Moxxie stared in disbelief. “Are you kidding me, sir? She’s awful.”

 Lonna looked at her phone. “The other day, right? I answered the puppy barking phone and said ‘Hello, I.M.P.’ Millie was yelling, ‘Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox…’ and then I hung up. Wasn’t my problem. My Hellhound Monthly magazine was much more interesting.”

 “Don’t forget about my adoption anniversary gift I gave you,” Blitzo said, scratching his neck.

 Lonna seethed. “Don’t remind me. It wasn’t a cure for syphilis, I didn’t want it, and it so happened to be black spiders, crawling all over me!”

 “Again, I’m sorry it was spiders,” Blitzo said.

 “God damn it, apology not accepted.”

 “You should be thankful that I rescued you after your hellhound family kicked you out,” Blitzo remarked.

 Loona’s ears twitched. Millie stared nervously. “I was perfectly capable of fending for myself,” barked Loona, looking up from her phone for the first time. “There was nothing special about them, other than all the alcohol, meth and drugs they took. My parents never cared about us. I mean, they sent off my other siblings to work for other overlords and were never seen again. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to not have to deal with them.”

 Blitzo had tears in his eyes. He hugged her again. “Well, at least you’ve got me, Moxxie, and Millie as your new family!”

 Loona hid a smile and just bared her fangs. “Get off of me before I bite your face off!”

 Blitzo stepped back.

 Loona then smiled and looked at Moxxie, a look of mischief in her red eyes.

 Moxxie scowled. “Excuse me, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss the other day?”

 “No,” Loona answered. “I was busy watching the princess sing.”

 “Wha-Why…Why would anyone send me that?!” Moxxie argued.

 “Come on, you know why.” She smirked.

 “I’m not chubby, thank you very much! Not to mention, you were the one who ate my avocado salad lunch! How rude.”

 “I took it because I had the worst hangover.”

 “But why would you drink on a work night?” Millie asked.

 “I was hungover from that morning, dumbasses!” Loona said to Moxxie and Millie. “I couldn’t take your assaults. So I decided to blow some fucking steam! I kicked a baby in a carriage and caused some destruction. Felt good afterwards.”

 Blitzo mentioned to Loona. “Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and you don’t get rid of family.”

 “We aren’t a family, sir!” Moxxie pointed out. “You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she’s some troubled teenager! She’s more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phone!”

 Loona flipped him the bird.

 “That is offensive!” said Blitzo, walking to the window, pulling open the blinds. “Without homeless people, I wouldn’t have half the joy and laughter I do in this life!”

  Outside, a homeless imp with a broken horn and ragged grey clothing held up a sign that read “Monee helps. Satan Bless.” An imp woman with black clothing and little bat wings blushed at Blitzo who waved and did a playful raise of eyebrows before closing the blinds.

 Moxxie crossed his arms. “While we’re on the subject of “family,” can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?”

 “Come on, sweetie, it’s not that big a deal!” Millie said.

 Moxxie’s eyes grew wide. “Excuse me, what?! I asked you, ‘Honey, can you get the butter?’ You said, ‘sure sweetie’.”

 “Spoiler alert, the butter’s spoiled!” Blitzo added. Millie giggled.

  “He was in our fucking fridge! He was spying on me while I was asleep. And worse, he fucking filmed me and you while we were singing and about to kiss!”

 Blitzo giggled. “I still have it on camera.”

 “It’s fine, honey,” Millie replied to Moxxie, patting his shoulder. “The “spoiler alert, butter’s spoiled!” was a funny use of wordplay Blitzo used.”

 “Why was he in our fridge anyway?” Moxxie countered. “And then I was dreaming that my parents were being murdered and Blitzo interrupted it. I wanted to get back to that.”

 “I was just curious,” Blitzo responded.

 “Just. Stop. Doing. That,” Moxxie growled.

 “I don’t see what the issue is!” said Blitzo. “Is there something you don’t want me seeing?” A mischievous silly look crossed his face.

 “No!” Moxxie spat, eye twitching.

 “You a baby weiner havor?” Blitzo asked, another term for a small dick.

 Loona giggled under her breath.

Moxxie was fed up. “Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!”

 Millie pulled him down gently. “Calm down, Mox, you’re gonna have another panic attack!”

 “I am calm!” he yelled.

 Millie rubbed his head and soothed him. “Shh, there, there.” Moxxie whimpered.

 Blitzo spoke again with a childish grin, making a hole with two fingers and tapping the opening with one finger. “Look, I don’t judge the boring couple stuff you do outside of work hours, so don’t judge me.”

 Veins popped out of Moxxie’s yellow eyes. “Oh I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually.” He crossed his arms as Millie gasped in horror.

 “Mox, he’s our boss!”

 “No, no, no, it’s fine, Mills,” said Blitzo with a wave of his hand. “Your husband is just…how do I say this without being offensive…retarded.”

 “Does immaturingly insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single, life?”

 Blitzo leaned in toward Moxxie. “It actually does.”

 Loona appeared to agree, because she added to Moxxie, “The only reason you have a wife is because you’re easy to manage!”

 Moxxie gasped. She had called Moxxie submissive.

 “No he’s not, you bitch!” Millie yelled, holding up two middle fingers.

 “Do not talk to my assistant that way!” Blitzo demanded. “She’s sensitive!”

 “Yes I am!” Loona barked.

 Then a squeaky voice sounded from nearby: “You guys are all fucking assholes.”

 Everyone turned and stared at a boy wearing an orange shirt with a planet on it. He had brown hair, a blue baseball cap on and was connected to a monitor.

 Blitzo pointed at him. “Oh shut up, kid, you’re lucky to witness this.”

 Moxxie pinched his nose and sighed in frustration. “Ugh, this company is such a mess!”

 “Did someone call me?” Niffty’s voice rang from the hallway. She opened the door a crack. “I can clean up any messes you may have!”

 “No!” Moxxie called. “Go away!”

 Niffty slowly closed the door.

 An awkward silence…

 “Alright, let’s get back to talking about my outfit!” Blitzo said out of nowhere.

 “Nobody was talking about that,” Loona mentioned.

 “Which is why I’m trying to get that ball rolling. So how does it look? It’s good, right?”

 The kid pointed his finger at Blitzo. He ripped off the wires from his stomach.

 “It’s been a literal hell pretending to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn’t kill me, but now? I want that. I want death. You!” he pointed to Blitzo. “You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I’m a kid! We’re supposed to like clowns…even the creepy ones!”

 Moxxie scoffed. “Hey now, that’s not very…”

 The kid cut him off. “If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I’d rip out your spine and ask you some shit.”

 Moxxie shivered in fear.

 “That’s my husband you’re talking to!” Millie yelled.

 The kid snickered. “That’s your husband?! I figured you for a slut, but I didn’t know you needed dick that bad!”  

 Millie fumed at her husband being called ugly and weak. To think that she would have sex with anyone else at random…

 “And you!” The kid pointed at Loona.

 “What? What about me?” Loona asked.

 The kid crossed his arms. “Nothing. I don’t talk to dogs. I’m a cat person.”

 Loona whined.

 “Wow,” said Blitzo. “You know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit.”

 “Yeah, after all, he’s kind of a piece of shit,” Moxxie muttered.

 A ding came from Loona’s phone. She smiled. “Oh fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all.”

 “Who?” Blitzo asked.

 “Him.”

 “Me?” asked the kid.

 “Yep,” she confirmed.

 “They wanted us to kill an actual child?” Blitzo asked.

 “That’s what they’re sayin’,” Loona said.

 Blitzo grinned and twirled a gun in his hand. His job just got more fun and easier. “Well Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!” He fired and shot the boy in the chest. He flopped down dead in a pool of blood, smoke and sparks lingering in the air.

 Blitzo spoke about I.M.P.: “You know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we’re capable of doing the same things anyone else can! Like killing people! So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money… is gone and you’re never getting it back and you can write us a bad review, but we’ll play dumb to it because it’s Hell and no one fucking cares.”

 Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie kicked the dead kid on the floor, enjoying themselves. Loona snapped a picture with her phone and recorded the scene. After the imps left with the body, Niffty came in and gasped.

 “Well, time to clean this up. What a mess!” She hummed a happy tune as she mopped up the blood at rapid speed.

 Blitzo and Moxxie wore gas masks and green suits as Blitzo sawed off the boy’s arm and Moxxie sawed his chest, organs spilling out into a sack below. Millie tossed an arm into the sack and Loona helped hold open the sack. Moxxie dropped the boy’s severed head inside and shared a loving smile with his wife.

 Etched in red graffiti on a dumpster behind them were the words “Devil,” “Hell,” “Happy Hotel,” and “I’m always chasing rainbows.” A pentagram, and wide smiles were also doodled on the surface.

 Blitzo embraced the entire group in a forceful hug, knocking the phone from Loona’s hands.

 “You know, even though this kid was a target, he’s still a child. It’s important that we’ve handled this going forward, respectfully.” He wrapped his long tail around the group, all of them smiling genuinely. For despite all their problems, they were still a company family.

 Back in the human world, a crying blonde mother wearing a pink shirt and a necklace held up a paper saying “missing boy.” Below in large letters read on the news: “Mom sucks at drawing own kid!” Words say “There is a missing boy!’ and “Yet another missing kid!”

 The mother spoke into the microphone, “Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at…”

 She gasped as a sack dropped into her hands. She and the news reporter looked up to see a smiling Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie through a portal up above.

 “You’re welcome!” Blitzo called with a wave before the portal closed.

 The mother looked inside the bag and screamed. “My son! He’s dead! Noooo!”

Part One: Mrs. Mayberry

Once upon a time, there was an innocent lovely blonde teacher named Mrs. Mayberry who taught at a typical schoolhouse. She was born many years ago on July 24th.

 She taught at a red schoolhouse with a little golden bell at the top of it. “Learning is fun,” was written in bright yellow letters on the side of the building with art of colorful kites and a rainbow on it. A sign at the front read “Puppies Junior School” in sunlight. There were tall green trees and a playground off to the side. The golden bell rang for the start of the day. A blue jay and a cardinal sang from a tree branch as the teacher opened the white curtains.

 The Vivziepop lookalike woman wrote “Good morning!” in white chalk on the green blackboard.

  “Good morning!” She twirled in a dance, catching her piece of chalk. She wore a white shirt with colorful red cherries and a long blue-gray skirt. A green pendant rested on her shirt. She wore cherry earrings and round yellow glasses. Her blonde hair was tied back in a flower-like shape behind her. “Have a bright and sunny day” was written on a poster with a large smiling sun with big eyes on it. Nearby was a calendar and an old boxy computer on a desk. A white daisy was in a flower pot. “The word of the day is harmony,” was written on a schedule posted on a board behind the children sitting at desks. The orange curtains by the windows had white math symbols on it. The schedule read “math, history, reading, grammar, science, art and music” as the many school subjects for the days of the week.

 “I hope you all did your homework!” she trilled.

  The children nodded with a dance to their bodies. One boy wearing an orange shirt spun around in a stool wearing a dunce cap and he faced the wall. The class broke out randomly into song.

 “We love to do our homework and we love our teacher too!”

 The teacher sang, “And when I throw out these fun questions, you should know just what to do.”

 “Okay!” they cheered, arms in the air.

 She wrote on the board 2 + 6 = 8 and added,

“Two plus six is…”

 “Eight!” the class answered.

 “And good behavior’s…”

 “Great!” they chimed in.

 “And now it’s that part of the class when we say the time of day and date.”

 “It’s nine in the morning,” sang a blonde boy…

 “On January 8th…” added a black girl.

 “The sun is out smiling,” said a brown haired girl with a bow.

 “And it’s your husband’s birthday!” reminded the dunce boy with his tongue out.

 As the class sang “la la la,” the teacher found herself scrapping her chalk down in a line on the board. Sweat coated her forehead as the chalk was almost completely broken down. The singing was a constant drone in her head. Her right eye twitched and she turned around.

 “Oh my stars, stop singing children! Hush up now!”

 The class fell silent.

 She put a hand to her forehead. “I forgot it’s my husband’s birthday! I didn’t get him anything special.”

 The brown haired girl stood up and said, “Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday surprise!”

 The teacher and kids gathered around the boxy computer. At the husband’s house, a lone sock fell on the call screen that read “wifey” on it.

 The screen turned on, and everyone gasped in disbelief.

 The teacher’s husband was in the process of having sex with another lady!

 A tie, a bra and a condom flew against the screen as they straddled naked in their bed.

 “We won’t be needing this,” a voice said as the condom hit the screen with Mrs. Mayberry’s face on the other side.

The teacher sat at her desk, looking stunned, her face turning red. The other woman was so young and beautiful. There was her husband, clad naked and showing off his muscles and parts to her.

 “Oh yeah,” the husband giggled, “Not there, not there.” They seemed to be also playing with sex toys.

 With a blank shadowed look on her face, the teacher suddenly stood up and walked away. If she wasn’t going to be able to divorce that cheating bastard…

 “Wait! Mrs. Mayberry!” called the brown haired girl. She took hold of the teacher’s hand. “Remember what you taught us…think before you act.”

 Dark thoughts suddenly festered within the woman and she gripped the girl’s neck before tossing her up in the air through the roof. She stomped out of the room and shut the door. The children ran to the window to watch as she got in her old green car and plowed through a white picket fence. “I love school” was on her license plate. The children rushed to the computer.

 The door to the bedroom was quickly pulled open.

 “Oh shit, sweetie!” said her husband, caught in the act of fucking the young lady on their master bed. “What are you doing here?”

 “Shut up, Jarold!” A newfound rage flared in her eyes. A deadly looking riffle was in her hands. She fired several shots.

 The blonde lady shrieked as Mrs. Mayberry moved closer.

 “You scream like a fish!” the teacher mentioned to the blonde haired lady.

 With a demonic yell, she brutally shot the younger woman across multiple areas of her body. Thick blood splattered everywhere.

 Her husband gasped. “Oh god, what have you done?! She had a family!”

 “We could’ve had a family!” the teacher sobbed, in a flood of despair and rage. She picked up a bullet and shot her husband square in the head. He collapsed to the floor, dead.

 “Oh god, what have I done?” she asked, frazzled, whipping away the blood from the screen. She saw her children stare in horror and disgust. “In front you all.” She broke down into tears, seeing her dead husband in a pool of blood.  She spoke her last words through sobs. “I’m so sorry my children. Don’t forget to work on your timestamps.”

 Mrs. Mayberry knew there was nothing left for her but jail time and grief. There was only one other option. With shaking hands, she shot herself in the chest with a yelp. The children fainted on the floor one by one at the traumatizing sight. The policeman took the wailing blonde lady to the hospital…and found Mrs. Mayberry’s body lying next to her husband’s on the blood-stained floor.

 The blonde lady Martha stared lovingly with a brown uncovered eye at her new muscular husband Ralphie wearing an orange plaid shirt. He had brown hair and an athlete/superhero build. Their two children stood by her bedside as she recovered. The room had bouquets of colorful flowers in every corner. Camera flashed as news reporters talked to her.

 “How does it feel to have survived such a crazy bitch?” a newswoman asked.

 “I just hope that sick woman finally found peace,” Martha drawled in her hospital bed.

 Her husband comforted her, head lowered.

 “You are so brave,” the reporter commended to Martha. “Here’s $2 million dollars!”

 The woman’s face lit up as she was handed a large golden check. “Oh thank you!” She smiled at the cameras with her husband like she was a movie star.

 The stereotypical America family lived in a house near the woods and by a lake. Martha dressed like a housewife with a long polka dot skirt. Her daughter had brown pigtails, a lavender shirt with a tie, and a red skirt, with boots. The younger boy had a beaver-skin cap, a white shirt, brown pants and camouflage boots. On the outside, they were the perfect typical family.

 “You’re a hero,” said more news people as she stood elegantly at a VNN (Vivienne News Network) podium.

 “You’re a hero, girl,” admired a brown skinned jogger with short blonde passing Martha by. Martha basked in the attention and wealth. Who knew that getting shot at would change her life for the better.

 “My mama’s a hero!” declared the son.

 “She is a hero!” The brown haired casher agreed down to him as the family went grocery shopping.

 “Ooooh…You’re a hero!” moaned her husband as he thrust his penis wildly in and out of her as they made love in their bedroom. Their walls were covered with pelvises and newspaper clippings of Martha under “local hero” headings.

 “You’re a hero,” smiled an old praying priest who stood by her at one church meeting.

 Even worse for Mayberry, a new class of children cheered, “You’re a hero!” to Martha when she taught a “How to deal with trauma 101 class.”

 “Oh you’re a hero!” another man groaned as he wildly gave her anal.

  Mrs. Mayberry woke up staring at a crimson red sky. Her form had completely changed… Mrs. Mayberry was now a purple demon with stripped curved horns on her head, wearing rectangular glasses. She wore a pale red shirt with x stitches on it, along with an eye where her pendant was. Her hair was long and white and pulled back with a black bandana. She wore a dark skirt with an upside down cross on it and heels. She also had sharp yellow teeth.

 After finding a place to live and shying out of sight from shady strangers, Mrs. Mayberry had the chance to continue her career where she left off. So she did. It took some learning and adaptation to Hell’s culture but fortunately...it was pretty simple.

 Mrs. Mayberry was soon hired at “Pentagram Penitentiary Place,” one of the top public schools in the district. It was a large school for grades K-12. The name of the school was in black letters surrounded by a red downward facing pentagram over the black front doors. “All grades in one place!” read the slogan. The building was of red-orange brick with three rows of low cracked windows facing the front. The outdoor playground consisted of rusted basketball hoops, a jungle gym, dark asphalt and a swing set that made squeaky sounds every time it was used. The slide was high up and made of metal, so that it was always painfully hot for the young demon children to slide down. A barbed wire fence with swirls of wire at the top surrounded the prison-like school.

 A bunch of middle schoolers were bouncing a demon skull around and tossing it into the basketball hoops. Little preschooler demons rough-housed on the grass-less ground, laughing. One small green dragon kept making burping sounds, emitting orange sparks much to the delight of his peers.  A dinosaur used his tail for a black eyed doll girl to use as a jump rope. There was even a little scary-go round that furry bird-like kids went on to test their flying and spin out of control in the air. One white bird crashed against the fence and slid down with a flop.

 “Loser!” taunted a bulky blue cyclops kid wearing a baseball cap. He spat on the bird’s upside-down head and laughed with his goons. An older demon with a rhino’s horn was spray-painting teal blue penises on the walls.

 “Watch your back!” he called out to a centaur who fired an arrow from a bow, startled. The green lizard demon tied to the target glanced down at the arrow that had almost gotten him in the crotch. He sighed with relief, only to have an ax lodged into his head, thrown by an orange goat teenager.

 Nearby were two purple demons with silvery snake hair sitting on a concrete window ledge, wearing blouses, sequined navy skirts and shoes. They were listening to music from their Eye-Pods. One of them was painting her nails and the other took a drag from an e-cigarette. Every kid had a multiple digit number temporarily tattooed on their necks. An E, an M and an H were before the numbers, for elementary, middle and high school. The following number indicated their grade and the last two numbers were their position in alphabetical order. K or a P next to the E stood for kindergarten and preschool.

 A loud buzzer rang at the top of the roof, signaling class starting. The children were lined up in front of their respective teachers. Mrs. Mayberry stood in front of her line of preschool demons.

 After singing a song about a demonic turtle drowning in a bathtub with the class, she counted each child as they made their way to homeroom. They all filled in and sat at their wooden desks. The demonic alphabet was listed on a nearby poster with translations into English and other languages.

 “Good morning!” Mrs. Mayberry trilled in the windowless classroom, scrapping her chalk against the blackboard before catching it with a twirl. “I hope you all did your homework.”

 The kids fearfully nodded.

 “Hmm, I don’t think you did, EP-04,” she scolded a demon boy wearing an orange shirt with no paper in front of him. “Go sit in time-out.”

 The boy groaned and sat on a stool facing the wall. The white dunce cap burned on his head.

 “The pledge of allegiance,” Mrs. Mayberry led. The class stood up with their hands on their hearts.

 “I pledge allegiance and my soul to the banner

Of His Majesty Lucifer and Her Majesty Lilith

And to the unholy Inferno

For Pentagram City

One nation under Satan

Indivisible

With liberty and chaos for all!”

 They sat back down.

 “Now let’s sing,” Mrs. Mayberry ordered.

 The demonic class broke out into song:

 “We love to do our homework and learn stuff every day.”

 “And when I throw in these hard questions, you should know just what to say,” Mrs. Mayberry sang.

 “Okay!” they cheered.

 She wrote an equation on the board. “Divide this number by…”

 “Zero!”

 “Our favorite paint is…”

 “Bloody red!”

 “And when there’s a stranger danger…”

 “You stab them in the head!” they answered, making stabbing motions with their arms.

 “A poison for a deep sleep?” she asked

 “Wormwood! Does no good!”

 “The geological components of Hell?”

 “Fire and brimstone!” added a girl.

 “If you can’t use love…”

 “Use hate!”

 “Now it’s time for us to say the day and date.”

 “Your death day was on January 8th, right?” piped up a boy in the back.

 Mrs. Mayberry stopped short. “Hush up! We don’t mention that date.” She turned to the class. “Go on.”

 “It’s 3 in the afternoon…” said a boy.

 “On October 31st,” said a green girl.

 “Hell’s heat is still hot,” said another girl, sweating.

 “Let’s watch the episode first!” reminded the dunce boy.

 The demons went “la la la” as Mrs. Mayberry stared at the board, red eyes wide.

 “Oh my suns! Stop singing children. Shut up!”

 The demons fell silent.

 “I forgot it’s the new episode! I’m supposed to be off to pursue my revenge!”

 “Maybe you could scare your enemies at a death-day party!” a girl suggested with her hands up in the air.

 Mrs. Mayberry looked at her hell-phone and saw the last seconds of an I.M.P. commercial. She stood up to walk away.

 “Wait! Mrs. Mayberry,” said a girl, taking hold of her hand. “Remember what you taught us. Act before you think.”

 Mrs. Mayberry pat her head. “I think not. Work on your timestamps and assignments, children. I’m off to pursue a little education of my own.”

 A horn-covered sub man walked in and bellowed, “200 pushups on the double! Or it’s back to your cells!”

 The demons got up from their seats and bent down to do the pushups.

 Mrs. Mayberry called a taxi outside and it drove her off.

 Up on a screen outside her window, Mrs. Mayberry saw a full commercial where she learned of an assassination company called I.M.P.

 “Hi there, I’m Blitzo, the “o” is silent and I’m the funder of I.M.P.! Are you a piece of shit that got sent to Hell? Or are you an innocent soul who just so happened to get fucked over by someone else?”

 The next shot showed a bulky red demon with horns, wearing a white Ohio shirt/jersey. A sign read, “Some guy who hired us!” The demon spoke:

 “After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you could imagine my surprise when I wound down here, after the State of Ohio killed me.” He rammed his meaty fists. “I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body!”

 “Guess I’m not the only one who murdered my spouse,” she thought. “I’ve also never seen a guy with…such muscles before…”

 Blitzo appeared again. “Well luckily for you, thanks to our company’s special access to the living world…we promise to take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who may have screwed you over when you were alive!”

 The sounds of the imp jingle motivated Mrs. Mayberry as the taxi pulled to a stop in front of the I.M.P. building. She got out, climbed up the stairs and knocked on the office door. It opened and out popped Blitzo.

 “Is this I.M.P.?” she asked.

 “Yes,” Blitzo said.

 “I figured, since I saw the commercial. I have one bad bitch that needs to be killed. And I’ve got a lot to say.”

 “Well, come on in then,” he said.

 Mrs. Mayberry paced Blitzo’s office at I.M.P. headquarters as she told her story.

  “I was a good person before it all went down,” she narrated, pacing to and fro. “I was good my entire life.”

 She continued on, adding details about her personal life. She held a cigarette in her hand. Apparently, it was easy to get into unhealthy habits in Hell.

 “You do everything right in life, play by the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world. After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that’s why I’m here. To get my revenge.”

 “I mean was she hotter?” Blitzo remarked with a smirk.

 The demon’s eyes flared red in anger, her face partially in shadow by the drawn blinds. A lemon tree was in the background with a sign that read “no whores” beside it. Blitzo casually lounged in his office chair.

 “I’m just saying I had a hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits,” Blitzo chuckled.

 Mayberry growled and her body briefly glowed red. Her cigarette bent in her hand.

 Blitzo rolled his eyes. “Anyway I don’t think you quite understand how we’re operating down here.” He stood up and Mrs. Mayberry glared at him. “You see we take revenge on the living and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop.”

 He bonked her on the nose.

 Mayberry’s pointed tail twitched, her purple claws clenched. Her skirt was torn with holes and her feet were cloven hooves. This imp guy was worse than the demonic children she taught.

 Mayberry extended her left claws. “Not all of them. That whore survived. Now they all call her a hero.”

 She continued. “Between the talk shows and bullshit donations she made so much goddamn cash. Getting shot was the best thing to happen to her.”

 Mayberry bashed her fists into the ground, creating cracks. “She’s not a hero!” Mayberry yelled, getting in close to Blitzo’s face.

 “Yeah, okay, yeah, my thoughts exactly,” Blitzo stuttered in a rapid nervous voice. He frantically pressed a red button under the desk multiple times. The red light flashed under the “Deranged Client” label on a dashboard. The other labels read, “More Coffee,” “Soiled My Pants,” “Horny Client,” “Client Giving Birth,” “Ghost,” and “Stolas.”

 Blitzo later burst through the door, followed by Mrs. Mayberry. “Guys, I’d like you to meet, our newest client!”

 The room suddenly burst into flames…Blitzo was furious. He quickly led Mrs. Mayberry outside where she hopped into a taxi to wait back home.

 “Bye and don’t worry,” called Blitzo to her, “We’ll get that skank in less than 24 hours or your first kill is free!”

 She could only hope that crazy imp and his team could do their job.

 As it turned out, Mrs. Mayberry later found out that not only had I.M.P. killed Martha, they also killed her crazy Satanic family. Mrs. Mayberry was very impressed. She held a piece of cake and laughed with the I.M.P. members for a special celebration. Millie talked about how it was okay to kill someone if they tried to kill you back.

 “That’s messed up,” mentioned Mrs. Mayberry. Then she smiled. “But I paid for it!”

 Everyone laughed again. Mrs. Mayberry felt good among her new allies. She had embraced her past at last.

 After the celebration, she got back into the taxi but instead of heading home, she headed further into town.

 There was a red Ohio demon for her to thank.

 Part Two: The Imps’ Adventure

In another room, Moxxie was holding a black and red crossbow in his hands. In front of him was a picture of a smiling family: a father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms were shaking as the reflector hovered around the man’s crotch area.

 “Moxxie, stop shaking!” Millie chided. “You’re gonna shoot our only hellhound!”

 Loona lay on her back on a gray couch. The family picture was in one hand and her phone was in the other. On the wall were drawings of Blitzo as a horse and a drawing of Robo Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it.

 Loona spoke in a sarcastic tone, “Wow. I feel so loved here.”

 “Just take a deep breath,” Millie told Moxxie, inhaling, “and let it out.”

 “But, it’s a family,” Moxxie argued. “Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?”

 “I mean if that’s what the client wants,” Millie began.

 “Maybe like a shitty dad,” Moxxie suggested. “Or a mob family.” He spoke through his teeth, “That’s understandable.” He then spoke normally. “But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly innocent, upper middle class family bloodline?”

 Loona stared at the picture for a moment before pointing to Moxxie.

 “Hey! You don’t know their innocent.”

 She pointed to the boy. “This kid probably sets dogs on fire.”

 She pointed to the girl. “Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online.”

 She pointed to the father. “And this guy…” She narrowed her eyes and spoke lower. “This guy definitely watches.”

 “Exactly!” Millie agreed. “Humans are full of secret nasties. It’s why so many of them end up here. But guilty and innocent aren’t our business, Mox.” She cupped his cheeks. “Killing who we’re paid to is our business. Choose a target.”

 She kissed him before stepping aside. Moxxie positioned his crossbow again.

 “I just think it’s a bit excessive and we could be a bit more selective, is all.”

 Just then, Blitzo barged into the room, followed by Mrs. Mayberry.

 “Guys! I want you to meet…”

 Startled, Moxxie fired the arrow and it ricocheted around the room. Millie jumped into Moxxie’s arms as the arrow hit a computer. It then flew and poked a hole in the family picture that a startled Loona held. The arrow made impact with the bottom of an eel tank, causing it to wobble dangerously. The arrow speed toward Mrs. Mayberry but Blitzo calmly caught it in one hand.

 “…our newest client!”

 The eel tank suddenly fell down, glass and water pouring onto the floor. The eels burst with electricity, casing the room to erupt in flames. Loona, Moxxie and Millie cowered in fear.

 “Dammit, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!” Blitzo yelled in anger.

 Soon, imp firefighters rushed to the scene to put out the flames as the group waited outside. The firefighters also carried the eels away to their red fire truck. Although imps were immune to fire, the buildings were not.

 Mrs. Mayberry climbed into a taxi cab.

 “Bye,” Blitzo waved, “and don’t worry, we’ll get that skank in less than twenty four hours or your first kill is free!” He waved as the taxi drove away.

 “When did we start implementing that deal?” Moxxie asked.

 Blitzo turned to glare at him. He pulled him close, holding his face.

 “When you set fire to my office in front of a…” Blitzo screamed, “client, you fucking dipshit!" He shoved Moxxie out of the way in anger. “Now someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!”

 Loona stood against the wall, typing on her phone. “You mean our only ticket to the other side?” She pulled out a blue book from behind her. “Yeah, got it.”

 Blitzo came over to her and started to baby talk to her. “And that’s why you’re my favorite, Loony. You get a treat now.”

 He held up a dog treat in his hands, tossed it in the air and caught it with his long tongue.

 “Ew, stop it,” Loona said with disgust. Blitzo pulled the biscuit into his mouth and chewed.

 “You’re so gross!” she remarked.

  A nearby billboard with Blitzo’s face on it read with misspellings: “Goat an asshole in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on the rite side. Don’t fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo”

 Millie drew a pentagram with chalk onto the wall. The pentagram glowed red and a portal to the human world appeared.

 “Aw stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist,” Blitzo told Loona before she left. He mentioned to the other imps, and moved his fist in front of him. Now let’s go lick some ass!” He pressed his hand into Moxxie’s face.

 “The expression is “kick some ass.” Blitzo,” Millie mentioned before she stepped through the portal. Blitzo let go of Moxxie’ face.

 “Mine’s better,” Blitzo said before following her.

 “Aw, fuck,” Moxxie sighed as he followed them through the portal.

 All three imps stood in front of a small red house by the lake as the sun set. Blitzo and Moxxie leaned against the side of the house, rising from the bushes. Blitzo stood up and peered into a window. A row of white flowers were on a planter on the ledge.

 “That’s gotta be her,” Blitzo whispered. He then chuckled darkly. “This is too easy.” He looked over at Moxxie. “Moxxie, do you want this one?”

 Moxxie looked stunned and smiled nervously. “Me?”

 “Yeah, this one’s simple enough for you to handle. It’s just a happy mother who just got out of the hospital.”

 Moxxie stood up and looked through the window. His face fell as he looked at the happy family enjoying dinner. A pig’s head was at the center of the table. The house was decorated with axes and guns on the walls. A lamp stand seemed to be made out of a spinal column. Ralphie and Martha affectionately rubbed each other’s noses, Martha holding a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitated; there was no way he could kill any one of them.

 “You snooze you lose, Mox!” Blitzo called out.

 He got out his gun, which was black with flames painted on it. The reflector was an upside down cross and it hovered over Martha’s face. She smiled with large doe eyes and blinked innocently.

 “And I’ve got you, bitch,” Blitzo murmured.

 “Wait, are we actually killing a family?!” Moxxie asked in disbelief.

 “No, don’t be a puss, we’re just killing a mother,” Blitzo remarked. “We’re running a family.” He grinned and clicked his rifle, positioning it.

 “But…” Moxxie began. “Hold on, hold on, let’s just think about it…”

 Moxxie lifted up the rifle just before Blitzo fired. The bullet hit a glass mirror in the house, causing the family members to gasp in fear.

 “What was that, Ralphie?” Martha asked her husband, who sat at the table.

 Ralphie shook his head. “I don’t know Martha, but whatever it is…”

 He stood up with a sharp-toothed grin, holding a rifle in his hands.

 “They’re gonna be tomorrow night’s dinner!”

 Martha set the platter down on the table, downed a glass of wine and smashed the glass on the floor.

 “Alright, kids! Gun’s out!” She called with an evil grin. The kids, too, grinned evilly as they pulled out smaller guns. The boy pulled out his from his brown beaver-skin hat.

 “Looks like we’ve got some rabbits to catch, youngins!” Ralphie said with an evil chuckle.

 Back outside, Blitzo was fuming. “What the fuck was that, Moxxie?”

 Moxxie breathed anxiously before letting out a croak, his snake-like tongue flickering. He fell to his knees, hands over his face.

 “I’m sorry. They just seemed so wholesome and happy.” Tears fell from his eyes. “I panicked.”

 Blitzo face-palmed. “Oh who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth, you’re already a parasite leeching off your momma’s tits.”

 He grabbed his chest in an imitation of holding breasts. He leaned in and poked Moxxie painfully on the head. “Now get the fuck over yourself you baby dick prick!”

 A bullet fired through the wall and shot Blitzo in the arm. He cried out as black blood splattered.

 “A new hole!” Blitzo cried in terror. “Scatter!”

 Blitzo and Millie leapt into the air just as another gunshot created a larger hole in the wall. A grinning Martha and Ralphie leapt through the hole and chased after them, guns drawn. Moxxie peered out from behind the bush, rapidly looking around. A child’s hand grabbed Moxxie’s pointed tail and he yelped. He only saw a barrage of fists from the children before passing out.

 Millie flipped backwards along a cobblestone trail before diving into the lake.

 “There you go, little critter!” Ralphie called, firing another bullet. He stepped onto the wooden dock. “Y’all can’t hide long from me!”

 Millie had her head above the water under the dock, a knife in her mouth. She broke through the dock with a crash before landing with a grin, knife at the ready. Ralphie swing a beer bottle at her, but she moved behind him out of the way. Millie jumped up in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swung the bottle upwards, hitting her in the head. The glass shattered and she fell to the ground with a loud yelp. Millie struggled weakly to stand, but collapsed onto the dock, eye twitching. Ralphie grinned down at her as the sky spiraled red. He picked her up and headed deep into the woods.

 Moxxie opened his eyes and gasped with a squeak to find his hands and body tied with rope. He appeared to be tied to a stitched up headless dead body sitting on a chair. Moxxie’s face fell in fear as he stared at the boy and girl in front of him. Both their eyes were red and devious grins formed on their faces.

 Moxxie tried to defuse the fear. “Oh. Hello there little ones. Aren’t you cute?”

 The children spoke in low distorted voices, the boy finishing shortly after the girl.

 “It’s nice to have a new critter to play with.”

 Moxxie glanced up in terror at a red spotlight above him. The light revealed a human head high up and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls were stained with red blood. Tow plaques held stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displayed a dead man with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest was connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones displayed another face made of skin inside it. Human skin was tacked to the wall with “bless this mess” stitched onto it. Moxxie looked and saw a dead human body on a platter, an apple in its mouth. Organs were displayed in a nearby bowl.

 Moxxie took one look at the dead body and whimpered. “Aw. Crumbs.”

 Meanwhile, Blitzo was running for his life in the woods. Four gunshots rang out as Blitzo darted through a bush, leaves falling to the ground. Martha’s evil echoing laughter quickened his pace. The imp slide down a grass hill, landing on his feet. He crouched under the bushes, looking around. He panted, catching his breath.

 “I know you’re hurtin’, little devil,” drawled Martha in a sing-song voice.

 Blitzo darted behind a tree, taking in deep silent breaths. His back was pressed against the bark. He covered his mouth, not daring to move.

 “I promise that I can make that pain go real quick.”

 Martha walked through the woods, not too far away, in shadow. “Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in that pretty little skull!”

 Blitzo sighed in relief after hearing the footsteps fade.

 Ring! Ring! Ahh!

 A startled Blitzo scrambled to retrieve his yellow cell-phone, which was ringing a yelling ringtone. He eventually caught the phone before pressing it to his ear. The phone had a GFY (Go Fuck Yourself) on it and a laughing devil emoji with imp horns.

 “This is a really bad time,” Blitzo whispered.

 At Stolas’ palace, the owl prince was currently lounging in an ornate bathtub, several lit candles with blue flames positioned around the edges. Astrological symbols glowed white in a circle on the floor. The midnight blue curtains looked like the night sky, with starry designs on them. Floating constellations hovered around the room. He was the prince of astronomy as well as being horny.

 “When isn’t it a bad time, Blitzy?” he mused, stretching his long slender arm. He held a rotary phone to his ear, the speakers shaped like sunflowers.

 Blitzo sighed in frustration. “What is it?”

 Stolas’ four red eyes blinked. “I’ve been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my grimoire?”

 Blitzo’s angry face appeared in a bubble.

 “What did you just call me?” Blitzo asked. Stolas popped the bubble with a finger. “My book, Blitzy. The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours?”

 Blitzo ducked as a bullet flew through the tree he was behind. Martha’s shadowy figure appeared in the hole, her eyes and mouth glowing red.

 “I can hear ya, darling!” she called out.

 “Shit,” Blitzo muttered, scurrying off.

 “Anywho,” Stolas continued. “I have been thinking. You know, I have been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for quite some time now, but I do need it back to fulfil my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some sort of exchange?”

 He ran a finger along the edge of the tub. He then did a walking motion with his fingers as they glowed red.

 “Favors for favors? Doesn’t that sound…” He spoke seductively, “…enticing?”

 Blitzo skidded to a stop as another bullet hit a tree. He ducked behind another one and frantically whispered, “You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I’m trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my hay!”

 Bam!

 Another bullet hit a spot on the tree.

 “Then let me keep it simple,” Stolas explained. “Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me, followed by a night of…”

 His eyes glowed red, his beak open in lust…

 “…passionate fornication.” He briefly slid lower in the tub with a blush before rising up to lean against the tub.

 “And…you get to keep it the rest of the time. Sound fair my little imp?”

 “Fine, whatever!” Blitzo replied.

 Blitzo let out a happy sigh. “Oh Blitzy! I’m so excited! I cannot wait to fill your slimy **** inside of my *****…”

 Blitzo cringed as Blitzo went on about the sexual things he planned to do to him.

 Out of nowhere, Blitzo found himself being pinned against the tree by the bottom handle of Martha’s gun.

 “Got ya!” she grinned. Bltzo’s phone was on the ground, Stolas still talking.

 “So, you’re a little devil, huh?” she asked, a wide grin. “Come to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well not today, Satan!”

 She pressed the gun further into Blitzo. “Gonna send y’all back where ya came from!”

 She hit Blitzo hard and he slumped to the ground. She took him and headed off into the woods.

 Back at the house, Moxxie struggled to free his tied up hands and body. In the reflection of the window, he could see the orange yellow lights of fires. He gasped.

 “Millie!”

 The two kids stared deviously at him. He froze when the girl revealed a long sharp knife in her hands. Moxxie glared, determined. As the girl raised the knife, Moxxie shoved her backwards with the chair. There was a thud as the chair toppled over onto the floor. Moxxie grabbed the knife and cut the rope loose, freeing himself. A “Live, Laugh, Love” sign and a hangman’s noose hung from the wall. Moxxie burst through the round window, a shadow silhouette with glowing yellow eyes. Wasting no time, he raced into the woods and toward rows of torches. Hanging from the trees were red Satanic symbols. There were also tents around the area.

 A full moon appeared in the sky from behind thin clouds. Down below, Blitzo and Millie were tied to a stake decorated with black spikes at the top. Ralphie laughed as he poured gasoline onto the ground by their feet. Martha stood nearby, holding a torch in her left hand. Her blouse was torn and low cut, with polka dots on them. Her eyes were red and she wore skull earrings.

 Blitzo groaned in frustration. “I had that fucking shot. God dammit, Moxxie.”

 “Satan!” Martha declared. “We return your filthy creatures back to the pits of Hell!” She raised her torch. “May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!”

 Martha tossed the torch underneath Blitzo and Moxxie, who still struggled to free themselves. Ralphie laughed again. The stake soon lit up in flames…

 …leaving the imps unscathed.

 “Yeah, that’s not exactly how it works, lady,” Blitzo explained. “Sorry, your fire doesn’t really hurt us, but I mean I could fake it if that’ll get your dick hard.” He smirked and Millie giggled.

 “Oh. Shit.” Martha stared confused and rolled her eyes. “I don’t have one.”

 Then she got a better idea and grinned. “Well, I’ll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!” She held her rifle in her hands.

 “That would be more effective,” Blitzo mentioned.

 “Blitzo!” Millie spat.

 Martha laughed again as she raised the rifle, two barrels pointing at the imps. The imps closed their eyes and flinched.

 A loud bang and a yelp was heard. Martha’s eyeball flew from her socket and she collapsed to the ground.

 “Moxxie!” Millie cried, seeing Moxxie hold a gun in his hands. Moxxie raced over and untied Millie and Blitzo.

 “You’re not getting your goddam paycheck for this one, Mox!” Blitzo mentioned before he fell down. Moxxie and Millie embraced each other with small smiles. They slowly moved their heads against each other in affection. Ralphie tripped over Martha’s body before fleeing the scene.

 “Oh yeah, thanks! I’m fine!” Blitzo spoke out in sarcasm.

 Moxxie helped Blitzo up, supporting him.

 “I’m sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm’s way. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

 Blitzo pulled Moxxie into a hug. “Apology accepted.” Then he spoke to Moxxie in a low threatening voice. “But if you ever pull off a stunt like this again, I’ll fuck you and your wife.”

 Just as fast, Blitzo separated from Moxxie and announced, “Alrighty! Job well done! Now let’s get off.” Millie lifted her arms in a cheer. From his chest, Blitzo pulled out a gray horse figure with a back mane like a My Little Pony toy. He put it back and retrieved his cell phone.

 “Eh. Yeah give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house,” Moxxie said.

 “Okay, fine but hurry up,” Blitzo said. He put his cell phone to his ear and spoke loudly, “Loona! We’re ready to come home, dear!”

 Moxxie raced through the woods, determined to set things right. In the background, Stolas was talking to Blitzo, mentioning, “You and I on…peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all night.”

 Back inside the house, the boy and girl were in their father’s arms in a corner.

 “Don’t move!” Moxxie demanded, pointing his rifle at them. The boy and girl looked scared and innocent. The girl even had a dark gray stitched up teddy bear with her.

 Ralphie chucked. “What are you gonna do, little guy? Kill us?”

 “I should!” Moxxie replied, stepping back. “You people are monsters!” Then he lowered the rifle. “But… you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children. They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes, justly.”

 He picked up a remote from a stand. “I am calling your earthly authorities and they will make sure you are dealt with, fairly. I am handing this, my way.”

 He pressed a button and a television turned on in the adjacent room. A black and white program played. Moxxie gasped in surprise, then looked down at it.

 “Oh shit,” he muttered. The black remote had pink and white buttons reminiscent of a smiling goofy face.

 “Uh do you…do you have a phone to summon 911?”

 “Yeah, it’s in the kitchen,” Ralphie mentioned behind him.

 Moxxie held the remote. “Then what’s this for?”

 “It’s a universal remote,” Ralphie replied. “Got it for the kids.” The kids smiled and he pulled them in a hug.

 “Aww,” Moxxie smiled, eyes shining.

 He called the police and hurried back to the portal in the dark woods.

 “There he is,” Blitzo said. “Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?”

 “Excuse me?”

 Blitzo walked over to him. “Well I don’t care where you cum in the living world, just come to your job on time, alright?” He poked Moxxie several times for emphasis. “See you at the office!” He ran through the portal.

 Millie placed a hand on Moxxie’s cheek. “You doing okay, sweetie?”

 “Better now, honey,” Moxxie replied with a smile. “I think I just needed a minute to process.”

 Millie tenderly touched Moxxie’s chest. “You have a good heart, honey.” She playfully pinched Moxxie’s nose. “Just a fuzzy head.” She kissed him and Moxxie’s heart fluttered. He smiled happily as Millie walked through the portal.

 Moxxie heard the whirl of blades and flashes of light. He turned around. There were police cars and a helicopter in front of the house.

 A voice over a loudspeaker said, “We got em’ boys!”

 A missile fired at the roof and the entire house exploded in a fiery inferno. Something hit Moxxie in the face. He stared at the ground and found the head of the teddy bear that had flown off. He stared with a shocked look of disbelief on his face. The family that had a chance to be better was now dead.

 Blitzo grabbed Moxxie hard by the neck and pulled him through the portal.

 Later on, everyone was laughing and celebrating back at I.M.P. headquarters. They were all wearing birthday party hats. Loona and Mrs. Mayberry held slices of cake on plates. A white banner read “Killed the bitch,” in red letters. A white and blue cake sat in front of Moxxie, the blue icing read “We did it! :)” Everyone seemed joyful except for Moxxie. He still felt awful that they had killed an entire family. An evil family, but still…They had come close to being killed or caught. Now here they were celebrating human death.

 Moxxie wasn’t sure if he agreed to the “senseless killing” morals of I.M.P. anymore.

 Millie squealed for joy and hugged Moxxie tight around the neck. “Did you see my little Mox, Mox? We did it! Oh Moxxie!”

 “Well here’s to another mission accomplished,” Blitzo announced, “…and Moxxie finally learned not to fuck up.”

 Moxxie just stared wordlessly at his plate, dark circles under his eyes.

 “And killing people isn’t that big of a deal if they try to kill you back,” Millie added, rubbing Moxxie’s white head of hair.

 “That’s messed up,” said Mrs. Mayberry, “But I paid for it!”

 Everyone except Moxxie chuckled at that.

 “Yeah, fuck that family!” Blitzo declared, raising a fist.

Helluva Boss Episode Two: Loo-Loo Land

Part One: Octavia

 Hundreds of years ago in Hell…Stolas’ Palace

  Before Octavia Goetia was a 117 year old owl princess (Mentally turned seventeen supposedly August 15 2003), she was a cute little child owl living with her mother and father.

 At night, faint blue constellations illuminated against the exterior of the estate. On the lower jutting wall structure supporting a balcony, Stolas’ sigil symbol also glowed blue in the dark. The balcony itself was spacious and decorated with hanging see-through drapes along the pillars. Spirals and a few eyes were also part of the design above the pillars. Bushes were lined up in rows on an upper row above the balcony, with little rows of coffin-shaped windows behind them in another wall. The borders of the building were decorated with difference phases of the moon in gold. Finally, the double doors on the balcony were stained glass in yellow and orange, with a sun on the left and a crescent moon on the right.

 Inside the estate, three candles cast a dim teal light in the darkened master bedroom. The spacious room had a white tall couch off to the side and a rotary phone on a nearby dresser. Hanging on the wall was a mirror and several large portraits of Stolas dressed in red robes and a crown. Rows of small red banners hung around the top of the bed and four red curtains with gold royal symbols were draped tight around the bed. The bedspread matched the curtains.

 “Mommy! Daddy!”

 A child’s cry from another room roused the owl prince from his slumber. One of his red eyes opened halfway, another one a slit near the top of his dark feathery head. His face was white and heart-shaped. He turned his head to where his wife was sleeping. She was a white owl with long eyebrows that extended past her face. She was curled up in most of the blankets.

 “Via’s calling us, Stella,” Stolas groaned sleepily.

 Stella let out a sigh. “You get up,” she replied tiredly.

 Stolas sighed and rose out of bed, briefly putting his fingers to his head. He opened the door to Octavia’s bedroom. The wallpaper consisted of several columns of moons and stars. Astronomy books lined a shelf while tapped drawings on the wall showed stick figures of Stolas and Octavia, labeled “Daddy,” and “Me.” A nearby portrait showed a smiling Stolas giving an overjoyed Octavia a piggy back ride against a blue background.

 Stolas opened the white door, wearing his red housecoat and a pair of demon face slippers.

 “Dear? What troubles you, my owlet?”

 Octavia’s room was small, with a bookcase and strings of lights hanging around. A white and pink chest and telescope were decorated with stray feathers. Her bed was decorated with small stars and a pink crown on the white headboard, sparkling curtains on either side. A stuffed cat lay on the floor. A lavender blanket with yellow stars on it was currently quivering on the bed. A small frightened face popped out from under the covers: little Octavia. She wore pink jammies with white stars on them. Her face was white and her eyes were large and pink with white pupils. Three gray feathers stuck out from her feathery head and she also had a little tail.

 The little girl sobbed and climbed out of bed.

 “Daddy! Daddy!”

 She ran into her father’s arms.

 “I had a dream! A really bad dream!” Her mouth quivered in a whimper.

 Stolas scooped her up into his arms and yawned.

 “A nightmare.”

 He wiped a tear away from her face.

 Octavia spread out her arms. “I was looking all over the palace and…I couldn’t find you anywhere! You weren’t there!”

 Tears appeared from her eyes and she hugged her father around the neck.

 “There, there, Via. It’s okay; you’re okay.”

 He pat her several times on the back and carried her into the room. A blue grimoire with a golden crescent moon on the cover floated into the room in a purple cloud of magic.

 Stolas sat down on the bed, Octavia in his lap. The book hovered next to him and he waved his hand to turn the pages. Stolas looked at Octavia.

 “When you’re sacred and you don’t know where I am, you must remember: I will never be far away from my special little Starfire.”

 He playfully poked her on the nose and she giggled.

 Stolas waved his hand and magic surrounded it. He moved his hand to the ceiling and created a starry portal above their heads. Octavia looked up with wonder in her eyes. It was then that Stolas started singing his lullaby: “You Will Be Okay.”

 “It always seems more quiet in the dark”

“It always feels so stark”

 Both of them floated upward through the hole. A brilliant indigo night sky filled with stars was revealed. A small bright sun and a distant ringed planet hovered in the distance. Stolas stood on the surface of a large white moon dotted with craters of various sizes.

 “How silence grows under the moon

Constellations gone so soon”

 Stolas’ feet made talon bird tracks on the surface as he carried his daughter.

 “I used to think that I was bold

I used to think love would be fun

Now all my stories have been told

Except for one”

 Stolas looked down at Octavia’s innocent eyes as their faces shone from the pinkish light of the nearby star. Octavia was the ongoing part of his life that Stolas continued to live for, day by day. In all the centuries of his long life, no sexual conquests, no battles nor royal duties could compare with the unique experience of raising a child. In a sea of constellations, Octavia was a guiding light to a greater purpose.

 The ringed planet hovered beside another planet bathed in purple-pink light. A rocky meteor caught on fire and soared toward a molten planet.

 “As the stars start to align

I hope you take it as a sign

That you’ll be okay”

 Stolas sat down on a small rock and held his daughter close.

 “Everything will be okay.”

 The meteor slowly dipped into the molten planet, turning a fiery orange. The meteor broke through the planet, causing it to break into rocky pieces. Stolas and Octavia sat on a floating chunk of rock as light burst upward from between the gaps of the planet debris.

 “And if the Seven rings collapse

Although the day could be my last

You will be okay. When I’m gone you’ll be okay…”

 Octavia yawned and nestled into her father’s feathery chest with a small smile on her sleepy face. Stolas knew that even a powerful demon like himself could not live forever. Angelic weapons could kill both Hell-born and Sinners in Hell. The higher class Hell-born could respawn like the Sinners but unlike the dead previous humans, the Hell-born aged slowly and could die of natural causes like mortals.

 Stolas was a part of a powerful ancient clan of demons, one of the first in Hell. The Ars Goetia brothers in arms were very numerous and powerful…desirable targets for enemies like Valentino and the lot. The family living for so many years didn’t lessen the potential sadness that permanent death would bring.

 Like any good parent, Stolas wanted what was best for his child; to pass down some existential knowledge for her to remember later on.

 “And when creation goes to die

You can find me in the sky”

 Seven planets flew toward the sun, creating powerful impacts. The planets turned ashen black before everything burst into an explosion of light. Stolas’ vocalizing face was illuminated by the large pink smoke from the galactic explosion.

 Tears pooled in Stolas’ eyes as the portal closed behind him, now back in the bedroom. A red and gold metallic model of a solar system hung from the back wall. Stolas lifted the starry blanket and draped it over a sleeping Octavia.

 “Upon the last day

And you will be okay…”

 Stolas walked toward the door, looking at her lovingly again before closing it. Octavia slept peacefully in her bed like a happy chick in a nest.

   Stolas’ palace, Dec 9 2020, present day

 Octavia jolted awake suddenly, her pink eyes angular with constricted white pupils. Her hand rested by her face. Her eyes narrowed in anger, her fist clenched as piercing yelling from another room echoed off the walls.

 Her parents were having yet another fight.

 She got out her phone and texted Loona: “Parents fighting again. Fuck my life.”

 Loona replied: “Srry 2 hear that. Currently dealing with asshole boss and Moxxie the dick. Hang out at concert Friday?”

 Octavia: “Hope so. Mom has grudge against imps and hellhounds, what a royal bitch.”

 Loona: “Smh. Hang in there, my friend.”

 Octavia knew that her regal mother, Stella was pissed that Stolas had fucked the imp Blitzo behind her back. Octavia often worried that Stolas would go on some honeymoon with that creature and leave her behind with Stella. Stella wasn’t cruel but she was sterner than Stolas was. Octavia didn’t know which was worse, her father’s childish attitude laced with a perverted nature…or her mother’s cold critiques of Octavia’s behavior. Stella loved her but expected her to mold into the royal role she was given from birth. Stella was more concerned with tea parties, fashionable attire and her appearance than Octavia’s many thoughts.

 Currently, Octavia was just a typical emo/goth teenager who had to deal with a lot of stuff going on.  

 Octavia’s room was different as well. More spacious, it had a couple of slanted windows between purple drawn curtains that let in some light. A solar system mobile hung from the ceiling in the center of the room. A mirror hung on the wall along with several banners with suns and moons on them. A long couch in the style of white feathers sat off to the side, complete with comfy cushions and pillows. There was a smaller purple telescope as well. Her bed still had the sparkling starry drapes and above that, were hanging purple drapes with a small moon on it and a large pink eye at the very top. Her bedspread was midnight blue with crescent moons on them and the chest by her bed was plainer than before.

 Octavia sat up in bed, with her feathers ruffled, quite literally as well as figuratively. With a grumpy look on her face, Octavia inserted earphones into her ears and held a blue phone in her hand, decorated with a yellow crescent moon. Octavia got dressed in her usual pink shirt with stars on it, black pants, shoes and a crown on her head.

 A playlist of songs appeared, the majority of them were by My Chemical Romance and some were by Lilith. An icon with flames and a sad face appeared on the screen and she pressed the play icon. Pop music played in her ears as a person sang: “My world is burning down around me.”

 The screams grew with intensity as she got out of bed and walked down a hall lined with Venus Fly Trap plants of different colors. They were arranged in a pattern of brown, magenta and purple. One poor potted planet crashed to the floor in front of Octavia. She stepped over the mess as she continued listening.

 She could hear the vehement arguments form her parents as she walked into the spacious kitchen.

 There was her mother, Queen Stella in a white dress with the top part of her outfit a light pink. A crown was on her head and light gray feathers fanned from her head like long hair.

 “I can’t believe you slept with an imp, in our fucking bed!”

 “It was unexpected!” Stolas replied. “I didn’t have time to go to a motel!”

 Stella seethed in disgust. “A motel?! Like a fucking plebian?!” (Roman word for commoner)

 “You want to fuck this one too?!”

 In a fury, she grabbed a small white dressed imp butler and tossed him at her husband.

 Stolas flinched, holding up his hands. “No! Of course not!”

 Stella pointed a finger at him. “You are a god damn embarrassment! I’m not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, imp-sucking face!”

 Stella stormed out of the room, tossing and breaking more of Stolas’ beloved plants as she yelled.

 Stolas sighed in exasperation before turning to look at his sulking daughter who was sitting at a table with a box of cereal.

 “Good morning, Octavia!” he greeted. “Did you sleep well, my owlet?”

 “Was that a serious question?” she deadpanned as she drank coffee from a mug.

 “Mm-hmm…” Stolas began as he walked to an old fashioned white refrigerator with the royal crest on it. He opened the door and took out a slab of zebra meat on a plate. In a corner shelf was a can of soda and a cartoon of chocolate milk. In a zip-lock bag were three white dead mice for a later snack. (They are owls after all!)

 “What’s that you’re listening to?” he asked, with a snap of his fingers.

 “This song is called “My World Is Burning Down Around Me.” It’s by Fuck You Dad. It’s a band.”

 “Oh…how charming…” Stolas chuckled bemusedly. He shut the door and fed the meat to a large white potted plant in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pet it. The satisfied plant closed its three eyes. A starry calendar hung on a nearby wall.

 “So…you two done screaming for the day?” Octavia asked.

 “Um…” Stolas began as Stella let out another scream of anger along with a crash.

 Stolas walked over to Octavia, who had a box of Robo Fizz’s Greed Seed cereal next to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “You know what I haven’t done in a long, long time? I haven’t taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don’t we go to Loo-Loo Land?” He mentioned to a portrait of Stolas, Stella and a happy child Octavia in a dress at an apple theme park.

 “I’m not five anymore.”

 “You always were so happy when I took you to Loo-Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us!”

 “I’d rather kill myself,” she deadpanned.

 “There we go!” Stolas beamed, bypassing her comment. “Anything but staying in this house.” He lifted a finger. “Now, I’ll arrange our security.”

 He picked up a white rotary phone carried on a platter by the battered imp servant.

 “Security for a theme park?”

 “We are rich, and we’re hot. People want our money and our bodies!”

 “Our money, maybe,” Octavia said under her breath. Stolas rotated the dial a few times.

 “Speak for yourself, Princess. Now, I’m calling the only man who can fuck me!”

 Octavia looked with disgust, cereal falling from her hand. “What?”

 “Who can protect me! Us. Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.” The imp collapsed.

 Octavia groaned and pulled her hat down over her eyes.

 At the I.M.P. office, there was a picture of Blitzo wrapped in a towel with the words “#1 bitch” on it, with the word “boss” in red over the letters. A paper crown rested on one corner of the picture frame.

 Blitzo played with crude representations of Moxxie and Millie made of office supplies. “Millie” was made from a stick and clips while “Moxxie” was made from an eraser.

 “Oh, Blitzo, you’re such a good boss!” Blitzo impersonated Millie. “Yeah, I really want you sir,” he impersonated Moxxie. “Me too!” he said as Millie. “Let’s three-way!” he said as himself before lowering the office puppets to his crotch. The screaming ringtone of his cell-phone interrupted his pansexual fantasy.

 “What?!” he yelled into it. He lounged in his chair, legs propped up as he drank iced coffee from a bloodstained mug. A poster with SpindleHorse on hind legs with “Wild and Free,” hung from the wall.

 “Why hello, my big-dicked Blitzy!” Stolas spoke lustfully.

 Both Blitzo and Octavia forcefully spit out their coffee.

 Blitzo spoke angrily, “What…”

 Octavia said, “The…

 Blitzo: “Fuck…”

 Octavia: “Dad?!

 “Language! Everyone!” Stolas shouted out loud before speaking into the phone. “I have a special request.”

 “Aw look,” Blitzo mentioned, “I just had a chemical peel, so you’ll have to find someone else’s face to plant that feathered ass!” He was in no mood for another intimate session.

 “It’s for my daughter.”

 A session with Stolas’ daughter? “Ah, well make sure she washes it.”

 “Oh! No! No, no, no!” Stolas cried taken aback. “I’m taking my daughter to Loo-Loo Land and I was hoping you brave little imps would accompany us.”

 “We’re assassins, not bodyguards, okay? Don’t invite us to shit unless someone’s gonna die.”

 “I’ll pay you.”

 “With what?”

 “Money.”

 “Done!” Blitzo yelled in confirmation, accidentally smashing his phone against the desk. He glanced in annoyance at the shattered pieces before producing a white megaphone with a painted monster mouth on it. He put the crown on his head.

 “M and M, get in here! We’re goin’ to Loo-Loo Land!”

 Moxxie opened the door to respond. “Loo-Loo Land?” he asked in concern. An excited Millie smashed her head through the glass window of the office door. “Loo-Loo Land!” Her eyes were shining.

 “Loo-Loo Land!” Blitzo yelled excitedly through the megaphone, his long snake-like tongue flickering.

 “Shut the fuck up!” Loona yelled from another room.

      Part Two: Loo-Loo Land

Loo-Loo Land was a knockoff apple themed park located in Mammon’s Ring of Greed. The sky was blue instead of red like it was in the Ring of Pride. Indeed, there were Seven Rings in this Hell ruled by Archdemons and named after the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy, Lust, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Wrath. Only sinners could dwell in the Ring of Pride; it was Lucifer’s punishment since he hated mortals. Lucifer, Satan, Leviathan, Mammon, Asmodeus, Belphegor and Beezelbub were the Archdemons…but Lucifer was the Ringmaster of all of them!

 A wide array of attractions spun, lit up, whirled and roared to life, some of them reaching toward the sky. There was a large Ferris wheel with a large blue star structure in the center. A star flyer swing ride spun people on swings, while a towering red roller coaster contrasted against the blue sky. A brick tower displayed an eye with pointed ears on the top of it. A white and red stripped circus tent stood between two tall pillars with red painted caramel apples on top as part of the design. Two smiling red apples wearing straw hats were the pillars that flanked the entrance. A teal sign with blinking lights around the border read “Mammon’s Loo-Loo Land” in white, the last “o” hanging lopsidedly. A cardboard cutout of Robo Fizz had an extended hand in an arch holding a welcome sign. A sign read, “Legally he have to say this,” and another sign said “Not affiliated with Lu Lu World.” Another sign read “Money please!” by a ticket booth.

 A dark gray van pulled into a parking spot and Moxxie got out. He walked with a blank expression on his face, wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses like his imp colleagues. A bold red I.M.P. decal was spray painted onto the van door. Moxxie slid open the door.

 There was the hunched black silhouette of Stolas, his four red eyes glowing menacingly in the dark. He got out of the van, a happy tall owl wearing red shorts and a white Loo-Loo Land shirt. There was a brief silhouette of Octavia, her two eyes glowing violet. Octavia seethed in annoyance as she peered out through the door. Blitzo and Millie came along as well, getting up from the red seats. Stolas put on an apple hat with big eyes and excitedly mentioned for his daughter to come along. Octavia covered her face with her black hat before following.

 In a black suit and sunglasses, Blitzo strolled by Stolas with a serious expression as they walked by a booth that sold apple Loo-Loo hats. By a clock with a black crown on it that read 7:30 AM, was another booth with “Balloons Attack” on it.

 “Now remember, this is work and work only,” Blitzo reminded Stolas. “Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?”

 “Hey, dad, do we have to…” Octavia complained before Blitzo cut her off.

 “Okay, yeah, hold on right there, sweetie.” He turned to Stolas, holding an accusing finger at him. “If you try fuckin’ my little ass in that park, I swear to…”

 Stolas leaned down and playfully tapped and booped Blitzo on the nose. “You are so cute when you are serious!”

 “I am literally going to be sick,” Octavia deadpanned.

 “Oh crumbs!” exclaimed Moxxie, rummaging through his small gray bag. “I knew today would be a lot! What do you need?”

 Moxxie fished around in the bag, retrieving pill bottles. “Antacids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?”

With a sharp toothed grin, Moxxie showed Octavia eight hypodermic needles with a glowing green substance in them.

 “That was figurative, old man,” Octavia replied, arms crossed before walking away.

 “Oh, right,” Moxxie chuckled sheepishly as he casually tossed the needles into a baby stroller by the cotton candy booth. A red baby imp wearing a bib with a pentagram on it stuck out his tongue and cooed as he reached playfully toward the deadly looking needles.

 “But she said it was ‘literally,’” Moxxie muttered under his breath.

 On a wall of a Plush booth were Robo Fizz posters and several taped signs that read: “Not Lu Lu World! Stop showing complaints,” “Does Lu Lu World have a sex robot? No! Stop asking!” “I would never do that to my BFF Lucifer.” “Everyone is so mean to me.”

 Millie took off her sunglasses and beamed. “Wooow! I haven’t been to this place since I was a tot!”

 An R on an “Apple Core Roll” sign fell off and squashed a poor teen imp below it. Moxxie flinched.

 “It hasn’t changed a bit! Oh! Look! It’s Big Lovely!”

 Near a gray Extermination booth with exterminator plush heads stood a blue animatronic T-Rex dinosaur wearing a shirt with a planet on it. It had yellow lopsided eyes. Three imps stood to watch it. It suddenly opened its mouth and let out a fierce roaring shriek.

 “That is…deeply upsetting,” Moxxie mentioned. Millie pulled him toward her. “Oh come on! It’s fun! You’ve never been here?”

 “No,” said Moxxie. “Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots,” he shivered.

 The park’s apple mascot suddenly appeared behind Moxxie. It was a large red apple with a big row of teeth with several holes in them. The top of the apple was green and a black top hat rested on top of the costume. The eyes were big, the black pupils shaped like Pacman symbols. The mascot also wore gloves.

 “Well hey there!” the mascot called in a goofy southern accent.

 Moxxie screamed in fright as the imps both turned around.

 “I’m Loo-Loo! Welcome to Loo-Loo Land!” said the mascot, spreading out his arms. “If y’all get hurt here, just try and sue us!” The mascot stood on an apple design on the ground as the animatronic head fell onto another imp. Stolas and Octavia stood near a carousel with monstrous looking horses and a small triceratops dinosaur. Some of the horses had bat wings, painted eyes all over and fiery shaped manes.

 Stolas’s eyes glowed with childish excitement, while Octavia stood embarrassed. “Look! Via! It’s Loo-Loo!”

 “I have a question,” Octavia stated, holding up a finger.

 The mascot leaned in close to her. “Well ask away, little girlie!” The mascot bounced around, an eyeball hanging out as he made “a-hyuk, a-hyuk a-hyuk” sounds.

 “Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer’s far more popular Lu Lu World?” Octavia smirked as Stolas looked at her with a pleading frown.

 The mascot paused. “No?”

 Octavia narrowed her eyes and scoffed. “This place reeks of insecure corporate shame.”

 Stolas chuckled in embarrassment before leading Octavia away. “Why don’t we go check out the rides?”

 “That chick’s creepy, huh?” the mascot asked.

 “Ah, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes,” Blitzo deadpanned.

 “What’s that mean?”

 “Don’t talk to me!” Moxxie called in suspicion, poking a finger at him. “I know you’re a pervert under there!”

 Moxxie and Millie left. The mascot hung his body in dejection as he sighed “Yeah.”

 Moxxie and Millie headed down a pathway while a sweating Moxxie stopped to catch his breath. “You really like this place, huh?”

 “I love this place!” Millie exclaimed. “My parents would bring me and my siblings here, when they could swing it, Money-wise.” Willie and Lillie were Millie’s brother and sister and sometimes they were just as excited as she was. Unlike Blitzo’s mean father Donner and Moxxie’s parents, Millie’s parents tried to do what was best for their children while also attempting to survive.

  An imp wearing loose clothing and a baseball cap pushed a wheelbarrow full of money into a nearby toy shop. A nearby sign on a brick wall showed a Robo Fizz doll and the words, “New! Fizzy Buddy! He laughs, he sings, he swears! Tell your parents to buy me! Over 100 lovable phrases! Posable! Only 48% asbestos.”

 The two imps approach a window where apple plushies and apple shaped novelty cups with Ls on them were sold for $29.

 Moxxie mentioned, “Yeah, the prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup you use one time?”

 “’Cause it’s Loo-loo Land!” Millie said excitedly. Blitzo walked over, slurping from a straw in a novelty cup. He wore a hat with an apple on it and two can holders and straws attached to it. Loo-Loo Land brought back memories of him and his sisters doing jokes and performing at the circus.

 “Listen to your ho’ Mox,” Blitzo said, mentioning behind him. “How ‘bout I take the first watch while you two…” he winked, “have a little fun.” Stolas held up a white shirt with an apple on it to Octavia who frowned.

 “Oh!” Millie cried. “We gotta do my favorite ride!” She picked Moxxie up and carried him as she ran.

 “Oh yeah? Whi-Which one?”

 Millie and Moxxie raced over to The Lawsuit roller coaster, the carts were red with the front displaying a green grin. The ride plunged at a sheer 90 degree drop while on fire. A lone rider hung on for dear life and screamed as the ride plunged into a tunnel in the ground. The mascot posed by a height rules sign. Later on, Moxxie threw up in a trash can as an angry vomit covered imp family glared at them. Even the red three eyed dragon from the petting zoo glared at Moxxie.

 Stolas happily carried a balloon in his hand while Octavia slouched on. They walked by a stand that read “Funnel Cakes: Eternal Suffering” with popcorn and a sausage on a fork. Blitzo snuck around like a secret agent with his sniper rifle. He appeared on a teal-green tent roof of an “Ice Cream Bugs” stand. Blitzo slid with his rifle and knocked over cups at a “Hot and Cold Drunks” stand. The imps glared at him as he toppled backwards onto the ground. A nearby blaster game was titled “Stop that Soul” and showed a frowning sun and cardboard angels in clouds with xs over their eyes. Another sign read “Hax Away.”

 Five grinning imps with knives and weapons peered out from an alleyway at Stolas, itching to kill him and steal the prince’s money. Blitzo slid along the floor, then glared at the imps, causing them to scatter away. Blitzo aimed his sniper again, near a game where imps could knock out mechanical clown’s teeth at “Teeth Off!” Stolas tilted his head upside down and stroked Blitzo’s horns from above. There was a game where one could toss balls into skulls and a ring toss with real spikes to toss them onto.

 “You know, it’s quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.”

 “Save it, bitch. I’m working.”

 Octavia rolled her eyes. “You both need to get a room.”

 “Hey!” Blitzo called. “I am not a day-hooker!”

 A nearby imp mother and her baby glared at Blitzo.

 “What? I just said I’m not one, prude!” He flipped her the bird. A nearby film sign read “Pirana.”

 Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie walked along a line of booths, one read “Muppet” and one read “Knock a Bottle.” Millie suddenly beamed and pulled Moxxie toward another vendor. A smug imp wearing a yellow hat and a red shirt spotted them.

 “Hello, hello!” he called. “Step right up and win a thing!”

 Millie’s eyes shone as she gasped and pointed upwards. “Oh, look Moxxie! A thing!”

 The “thing” was a purple stuffed animal wearing pink overalls with stripped imp horns. It had a yellow beak, an upside down cross on it and a tag with “Thing?” on it.

 Moxxie looked at her with a grin. “Oh, you like that thing?”

 “Yessss!” Millie exclaimed, drawing out the word. “I don’t know what that thing is, but I want that thing!”

 Moxxie straightened his bow tie with a smug look. “Finally something I can handle.”

 He walked up to the vendor, took out some money and handed it to the carnie. “Okay! One game, please!”

 The carnie rolled his eyes and handed Moxxie a clown-like blaster with his tail. Moxxie pulled the trigger with one eye shut and the cork projectile hit the bullseye on the cardboard smiling apple’s behind. Millie clapped in the background. Moxxie made a “ricochet” noise and blew the black powder smoke clear of the gun.

 The carnie just grinned. “Strike one, little man!”

 Moxxie stared in disbelief. “But I hit it!”

 “Hmm, I don’t know what to tell you, buddy. The target, see? It didn’t go down. So yeah, no go, bro.”

 Moxxie slammed another dollar bill onto the counter, picked up the gun and fired again. He hit the bullseye but the cardboard apple stayed in place. He slapped the pistol in annoyance. “The Heaven’s wrong with this thing?!”

 The carnie smirked. “Oh man, a real shame I tell ya. Whaa, whaa!” He pretended to cry and rub his eyes.

 Moxxie hissed in anger and slapped another bill on the counter. “Another!”

 Again and again Moxxie tried to hit it, but the carnie rigged the game, not making the apples go down. Soon, the carnie was holding 600 souls of Moxxie’s money, the dollar bills had Robo Fizz on them. He rolled one bill up into a cigar and put it in his mouth.

 “Wow! Man, you’re really starting to make this sad. You know, if you suck, you suck! Guess you won’t win your honey here a prize.”

  Moxxie seethed in anger.

 “Let me try!” Millie said, taking the blaster from Moxxie. She fired it and the cork flew far off between the apples. The carnie grinned mischievously, and pressed a foot pedal, making an apple target go down.

 “Oh, look at that! Lucky shot, baby,” the carnie said. He wiggled the rolled up bill against Moxxie and dropped it. Millie laughed and clapped.

 Moxxie yelled, “Are you kidding me?! You…you…charlatan!”

 The carnie pressed his hand into Moxxie’s face. “Hey, uh get lost pipsqueak, I’m talkin’ to the lady.”

 He leaned toward her and made a purring sound, causing her to flinch back in disgust.

   Meanwhile, Stolas pulled Octavia close with a gasp, letting go of his balloon.

“Look, Via! You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!”

 Stolas mentioned to a large circus tent with promotional signs of Robo Fizz on either side. A mother imp tried to drag her crying child toward the tent.

 “Oh no…” Octavia breathed, her white pupils constricting. A flashback of when she was a young girl came back to her. She was pushed against the stage by other cheering imp children. Robo Fizz was a robotic imp jester who posed on the stage with his arms spread out. An animatronic band was behind him. A neon sign above read “Fizzarolli and Friends,” with the “R” burnt out which made it look like “Fiends.” Robo Fizz sparked and cackled, wiggling his fingers and leering over a crying Octavia. Off to the side, a scowling Blitzo was dressed in clown makeup and attending a food cart.

 Back in the present, Octavia and Blitzo muttered at the same time: “I hate that fucking clown!”

 Meanwhile, Stolas happily waved as he was being held captive in the air by the gang of imps pointing weapons at him.

 “Oh Blitzy! I need my bodyguard, please!” Stolas smiled unconcerned before another imp jumped up and put a purple cloth sack over the owl’s head. Another imp grinned and held Stolas’ wallet. One imp jumped, trying to skewer him with a pitchfork. Blitzo turned around and fired his rifle, shooting the imp in the torso. Black blood splattered against the cloth sack over Stolas’ head. The imps dropped him and quickly scattered away. Blitzo carried Stolas into the tent and set him down on a wooden bench before leaving. Octavia sat next to him, rolled her eyes and removed the blood-soaked cloth form Stolas’ head. The owl blinked, wondering where he was.

 Two spotlights merged into one on the stage and Robo Fizz flapped open the curtains. He wore a jester outfit and his horns were covered with stripped cloth and little bells hung from the ends. A happy face and sad face pin were by his shoulders along with a string of lights as a necklace. His pants were stripped and he wore gloves. His shirt had small white hearts near the bottom and his eyes glowed an eerie green.

 Six lit up arrow signs pointed to him and read: “Fizzarolli,” “Robot property of Mammon,” “Look at him go!” “Yes! Love 2 c it!” “Wow!” “He.”

 Robo Fizz held up a sign with “Lu Lu” crossed out in red with “Loo-Loo, the better one,” on it. He also briefly held out a red and gold contract signed by Mammon: “This is a statement regarding the unfair accusations that my theme park “Loo-Loo Land” is trying to profit off my friend and ruler Lucifer’s park Lu Lu World. This is false. These allegations are baseless and untrue. You are all just dicks. Fuck right off and stop saying that, alright? They are legally distinct. I checked. Signed Mammon.”

  “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey implings!” he said in his showman voice. “It’s me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Mammon’s factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo-Loo Land (spelled with O’s to avoid lawsuits!) Hit it!”

 Rows of spotlights lit up and he began to sing. The curtains opened and Robo Fizz’s Five Nights at Freddy’s band played. An open clown mouth served as the stage backdrop. Robo Fizz rapidly pointed at a boy imp and a girl imp and made his rounds toward Stolas and Octavia. He moved back to the stage just as Blitzo aimed his sniper at him in warning. The band played on a rising structure shaped like a cake, decorated with eyes and sharp spikes.

  “Loo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!

Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!

Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man

Loves Loo-Loo Land!”

 An animatronic bear and a smaller rabbit meshed together played a red banjo with a pentagram on it. A lopsided dinosaur played a guitar decorated with flames. A green frog with large human teeth played the Robo Fizz head drums and a brown dog played the triangle. The two speakers on either side were shaped like weapons and had skulls on them. “Fizzarolli and Friends” sign glowed at the top.

 “Loo-Loo Land! Loo-Loo Land!

Everything is beautiful in Loo-Loo Land!

Ugly children holdin’ hands

In Loo-Loo Land!”

 Robo Fizz briefly pulled a crowd of imps into a hug before spinning around and tossing them aside. They crashed back into the stands. He hugged the animatronic dinosaur which fizzled and slapped the bear and rabbit, which squirted black ink at a nearby imp.

 He poured gasoline onto a pile of “cease and desist” papers, causing them to go up in flames.

 “Everybody’s friendly, and nobody is mean

No copyright infringement’s ever seen!”

 In an imitation of Princess Charlie, Robo Fizz then posed on top of a piano. He stood on top, hand over his heart in the spotlight.

 “I have a dream (he has a dream)

I’m here to tell (he has to tell)

About a magical fantastic place called Loo-Loo Land!”

 He spun his body around and landed in a pose with arms and legs spread out. Octavia watched with disgust and boredom.

  “Loo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!

Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!

Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man

Loves Loo-Loo Land!”

 The show ended with a pyrotechnic display. Green flames ate up one of the curtains and Robo Fizz laughed as he did a final pose up front. Octavia leaned her head back and pounded her fist on the bench in annoyance. Stolas cheered and rapidly clapped.

 “Ohhohohoho! How delightful! Haven’t had this much fun since the last Harvest Moon Festival…” Octavia hid her face in her hat again.

 Behind Stolas, an imp armed with a wave-shaped keris sword rose from beneath the seats, ready to stab him. The imp’s head was quickly blown apart by Blitzo at the back seats.

 “Oh! My, what aim you have, Blitzy!” Stolas praised.

 “Ugh! I can’t do this anymore!” Octavia shouted in frustration.

 “Octavia!” Stolas reached out in concern as the owl teen stormed off. Stolas chased after her as Blitzo followed suit. Robo Fizz cackled as he spotted the imp dashing along.

 “Ha ha ha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo my sensors spot up there?” He emphasized the silent “O” in his name. “I bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh?”

He spun his head around in loops and cackled.

 “The “O” is silent now!” Blitzo stopped and yelled.

 Robo Fizz mocked him some more and did wild dance-like poses. “Uh huh! Just like your audience always was when you to-told your lazy jokes here!”

 Blitzo tossed his sunglasses aside. “I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass ripoff of an overrated sell-out jester!”

 “Oh ho ho! Someone’s salty! Real or not though, people love me! Does anybody love you…”

 His face turned dark and his eyes glowed menacingly, grin stretched wide, “Blitzo?!”

 “No. But I’m really good with guns now!” Blitzo took out his sniper. “Dance, bitch!”

 Blitzo slammed a new magazine into his rifle, switched it to full-auto and opened up on Robo Fizz, who cartwheeled out of the way of the rounds. He rapidly spun like a wheel up the stairs to where Blitzo was. He coiled himself around Blitzo like a snake, before using his momentum to launch the imp out of the tent.

 “Fuck meeeee!” Blitzo yelled.

 Outside, Wally Wayford, an imp with a southern accent was selling lit torches. There were two posters of Robo Fizz, the first was “Fizzarolli and the Handy Dandies.”

The other showed Robo Fizz with handcuffs:  “Robo Fizz Personal Companion. Gives and receives. Ribbed for your pleasure. Real tentacle action. Ten speed vibration. BDSM feature. Machine Washable.”

 “Torches, I say, I say!” Wally said in a southern accent. “Get your inconvenient torches here!”

 Blitzo landed on the cart with a yell, which scattered the green torches everywhere.

 “Ow…I say ow!” Wally yelled.

 The flames lit the big top of fire. The flames rapidly spread to all corners of the park. Burning animatronics fled the tent as Robo Fizz cackled with demonic glee at the chaos.

 Back at the blaster game, Blitzo had crash landed through the roof and into the pervert carnie just in time, saving Millie.

 “Sir?” asked Moxxie, surprised.

 “Oh hey guys!” a dazed Blitzo replied. “You should probably go and uh…make sure Stolas is okay! I got some…unfinished business to take care of.”

 Blitzo stood up and drew a brown flintlock pistol and fired. Robo Fizz swayed creepily toward Blitzo, a red eye showing on his burning grinning face, green flames behind him. The impact spun Robo Fizz’s head around…but the jester was unharmed by the shot.

 “Oh what a mouth!” Blitzo exclaimed as Robo Fizz caught the bullet in his mouth and spat it out. Blitzo grimaced as Robo Fizz rolled at him again. Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo jumped out of the way as the jester hit the booth, destroying it in a large explosion. Shrapnel and several white imp head prizes flew through the air on fire. The piece of a stuffed animal hit a young imp boy on the head, leaving him unconscious. The photographer then snapped the picture of the imp family.

 “Goddammit Nathan!” the fat father yelled. “You ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!”

 Stolas wandered around other booths: Aim and Fire Shoot Apple, Happy Ducking, and a bomb themed Knok Knok game. One was called Eggs in the Basket, Poison Apples sold caramel apples decorated like slimy skulls and a dunking game was called Drown the Sinner.  

 Stolas then gasped. “Octavia!”

 Octavia ran into a fun house shapes like an elongated head of Lucifer. The face was white with the blushes on the cheeks and the eyes were green and snake-like. The steps were positioned onto a long tongue and the fun house entrance was shaped like Lucifer’s fanged mouth. A top hat and an apple reading “Fun House” was at the top. Stolas followed her inside as two grinning imps held rope and weapons close behind.

 The neon interior was filled with eyes, tubes, swinging pendulums, mirrors and disembodied hands. Stolas went further into the room and looked around. A sign reading “Smile” had an arrow pointed down at a tunnel. A shadow appeared behind Stolas as a random imp jumped onto his shoulders.

 “Um, I think I’m supposed to be body-guarded right now!” Stolas said, annoyed.

The imp covered Stolas’ mouth with his shirt sleeve, but was shot in the head, falling to the ground. Moxxie and Millie appeared in the entryway, Millie had just shot the imp.

 “Ugh. That’s better,” Stolas said, brushing his sleeve. “Where is Blitzy? He’s my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.” Even his apple hat got an annoyed expression on it.

 The imps came over to him, Millie hugging the thing stuffed animal. “He’s…uh busy.”

 “Being a fool,” said Moxxie.

 “What kind of fool?” asked Stolas.

 “The “everything is now on fire,” kind,” Moxxie replied.

 Stolas left the imps, dodging two swinging pendulums, and headed down a tunnel into an adjoining room filled with eyes on the wall. He then spotted Octavia sitting in one of four apple-themed rail cars, crying.

“Octavia…” Stolas breathed. He took off his apple hat and it fell to the floor, the goofy face now a sad face, reflecting Stolas’ emotional state.

 Stolas scooted next to Octavia, leaving a bit of space between them. “I take it you are…not having fun.”

 “I didn’t even want to come here!” Octavia protested.

 “I’m sorry, sweetie. I thought you loved it here.”

 Octavia glared at her father. “When I was a kid and my parents didn’t hate each other, and my dad didn’t flirt with some weird red dickhead the entire time.”

 Both owls looked downcast.

 “I’m sorry, Via,” Stolas said. “I’m sorry for everything happening right now. I know it’s a lot but I…uh…I should have listened.”

 “I just want to go home, but home doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You ruined it.” More tears fell from Octavia’s eyes as she shook her head and wiped more away with her arm.

 “You need to understand, you mother and I…” He stroked the back of his head, nervously. “I just…I felt…she’s always been…I haven’t been” He stuttered, “…we weren’t in…” He buried his head in his hands, “I’m sorry, I-I-I don’t have the words.”

 “Are you going to run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where I can’t find you?”

 “What? No!” He pulled her close. “No, no, never. I’d never do that. Never.” Both of them embraced in a tight hug. “I think it’s time to leave this place,” Stolas said. Octavia smiled a bit through her tears. Despite his mistakes, her father loved her dearly. It wasn’t too hard to forgive him. Stolas lifted her up into his arms and continued, “You were right. You are too old for it, anyway.” He walked through an apple shaped opening.

 Stolas carried Octavia out of the Fun House as an imp grinned manically in the space above the drop-ceiling. The imp dropped down and flicked open a switchblade behind him. Stolas immediately turned around, his red eyes glowing brightly. The frightened imp was turned to stone on the spot, then was knocked over by a pendulum.

 As dusk feel outside, the park was reduced to pandemonium. Millie tried to shoot Robo Fizz who wildly rolled around. The red dragon picked up Robo Fizz, tossed him into the air before catching him and swallowing him whole. On the dragon’s back, Moxxie gaped in terror.

 Stolas and Octavia left the park gates.

 “So, what would you like to do now?” Stolas asked.

 Octavia smiled. “Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there.”

 “Hmm,” Stolas said reluctantly, but then said “Okay.”

 Octavia let out a small laugh. “Thanks, dad. You’re okay sometimes.”

 Stolas smiled down at her, his face bright against the starry sky above. It was nice to get a compliment from her. “Thank you Via. Thank you…”

 A massive explosion rocked the park, sending green flames shooting up into the air. The I.M.P. imps hurtled through the air, screaming before all three landed in front of the owls. All three were covered with smoke.

 “Way to ruin another good thing, sir!” Moxxie strained at Blitzo.

 “Worth it!” Blitzo replied, holding up a shaking finger. “That slutty toy clown had. It. Coming!”

 Moxxie and Blitzo then fell unconscious.

  In the darkness, Valentino’s hairless black dog Queef sniffed the unconscious Millie, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her still form away…

 Helluva Boss Episode Three: Spring Broken

Part One: Verosika

 The ground-shaking rock music blared as a gray van rolled along the street at high speed. The front hood of the van was loose and rattled up and down, showing a dark opening. The front headlights looked like a dark grate with a few yellow lights at the very ends. The small license plate at the front read “IMP-666” in black letters. Two red stripes streaked across the side of the van while the bold red and white I.M.P. decal was proudly displayed on the side door.

 “I love this song!” exclaimed the leader imp, Blitzo. He was wearing his usual work outfit; a navy blue coat with red buttons and a red pin at the front. Above Blitzo hung small red and white flags. In the center was a white toy horse with a blonde mane and tail. With his hands on the wheel, Blitzo belted out the lyrics:

 “You were the little spicy…uh… demon with the bleach blonde hair Fiendin' for some semen when I caught your stare Thought it might be love but you went too far Fucked all of my friends and blew up my car

 Lit me on fire made me watch rom-coms Made a secret sex tape and showed it to my mom You were a bitch kinda generally Now I'm a wet wild stallion and I'm running free

 You stepped on my nuts and you tore me apart Slapped up my booty and tangled my farts Cut off my dick when you shattered my heart But it grew back twice as long

 MUSTANG DONG!”

 Memories of him and a former lover were already rushing back to him. The song perfectly described his previous love life and though not very pleasant, was still fun to sing to. There were many times in his life where he considered horses to be better companions than his peers. An array of endless horse names and adventures he could conjure up in his head…

 Blitzo made “horn” rocker symbols with his hands as he nodded his head to the beat. In shotgun, Loona made a face of annoyance as she glanced at her black and white cell phone in her hands. She wore her usual shorts, torn gray tank top and black strings in the shape of a downward facing pentagram below her neck. In the back of the van, Moxxie covered both ears as he sat in the long red seat. He wore his usual dark coat and red bow tie. Millie rolled down her window and smiled as the breeze blew through her wild black hair. She had on her black tank top and torn pants as well.

 Blitzo drove the van into a reserved parking lot, surrounded by graffiti-sprayed buildings. A worn white banner on one building read “Buck you Flitzo” in bold capital letters. One of the buildings was decorated with a large red eye made of glass. Bizarrely enough, there was a billboard that advertised holy water. Blitzo haphazardly drove through the lot opening. He was just about to pull into the remaining empty space to the right when a pink convertible car beat him to it.

 “Holy shit! F…” Blitzo yelled, he and Loona both fearful. Blitzo rapidly turned the wheel and the horn sounded. He slammed on the brakes and the van skidded to a stop. The pink car had a red heart with gold trim on the back and a golden border. The license plate read “SUCK-4-LIFE.” The wheels had small white hearts on the dark inside, white rims surrounding them.

 An angry Blitzo rolled his head and turned off the radio.

 Oh, you “suck for life,” do ya?!” he asked as he glared at the car. He pulled out his white megaphone and leaned out the window.

 “Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump!” he yelled through the megaphone. “You have three goddamn seconds to get your dick out of my parking spot…”

 A pair of tall high heels lowered to the ground. The shoes were black with pink hearts on them. The figure wore black tight pants with three pink xs on the side. She wore a black and white dress, a black star on the lower half and a large X and O over her breasts. A sparkly light pink fluffy coat covered her shoulders. Her face was dark pink and a black choker was around her neck. She had a pointed tail, little bat wings and curved pink horns with a few black stars on them. Her hair was long and pinkish white, and sunglasses with pink hearts on them obscured her eyes.

 Blitzo lowered his megaphone in shock at the sight of the familiar succubus.

 “Oh shit! Verosika?!”

 The succubus blew a bubble of pink gum before it popped.

 “Blitzo,” she greeted, arms folded. She had pronounced the “o” on purpose to annoy Blitzo.

 Blitzo glared. “I should have known you’d be here. I could smell fish for miles. Which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is…”

 Blitzo fell out through the window, face-planting onto the ground. He quickly stood up, pointing at the ground, “…three rings down!” He was referring to the Ring of Envy where the oceanic ruler Leviathan resided.

 “And I should have known you’d be here when I heard the Amber Alerts,” Verosika retorted. She held a white and brown flask bottle in her left hand. It was decorated with a small red and white heart near the top. “I.M.P. is a scam!” and “Swear word” were painted on a nearby brick wall.

 “Oh yeah?” he asked. “I’m surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab. I can see you’re still a drunken whore, clutching onto that beelzejuice juice bottle like it’s the last cock in Hell.”

 “They let me out because I’m still famous,” Verosika bragged, flipping back her long hair dramatically, “and rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups.”

 She took a drink from her bottle and wiped her black lipstick mouth with a gloved white thumb.

 “So your sister says hi,” she smirked, implying a temporary sexual relation with Tilla or Barbie Wire.

 Blitzo stomped over toward Verosika. “Why are you parking here?” he growled. “This is the only parking spot my company has. So take your tampon race car somewhere else.”

 Verosika leaned slightly toward him. “Actually prick, it has my name on it.”

 She pointed down at their feet, where “Verosika” and a heart was spray painted in purple over the previous black “I.M.P.”

 Verosika stood up. “I’m doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building…”

 “No way,” Loona breathed as she peered from the van.

 “…and they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break.”

 “A week?!” Blitzo exclaimed. “No, no, you are not parking here for a fucking week!”

 Verosika removed her sunglasses, revealing pink irises with yellow sclera.

 “Aw, you mad, Blitzo?” she cooed in a mocking tone. “You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car…”

 Verosika and Blitzo talked over each other, “…and run three Rings to Wrath and back and max my credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!”

 Blitzo stomped his foot. “God dammit whore, you will not let that go!”

 Verosika walked past him, showing a middle finger. “Choke on a sandpaper cock.”

 Loona lowered her head as she walked by. Blitzo angrily followed Verosika.

 “Hold on, you better move that pussy wagon right now or I’m gonna…”

 Blitzo froze as he heard a low growling sound behind him. Towering over him was a beefy dark gray Hellhound man. He wore a torn black jacket decorated with red spikes along the shoulders. A black tattoo of a wolf with sharp teeth and a tongue out was on his left shoulder. He had thick eyebrows, torn pointed ears, a black nose and a scar over his milky left eye. His right eye was red.

 “You’ll what?” he grunted, showing his sharp white teeth.

 Blitzo stuttered and looked around, fearfully. “Or I’ll…um…I’ll…I’ll call HR.”

 Blitzo, Verosika and the Hellhound burst into sudden laughter before they calmed down.

 “Anyway,” said Verosika, “Meet my new Hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well.”

 Vortex walked by Verosika’s side as she left. She flipped off Blitzo again before saying, “Ta ta, fuck stain.”

 “Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that,” Blitzo muttered in annoyance.

 Just then, Loona stepped out of the van. “You know Verosika Mayday?!”

 “Huh?” Blitzo asked. Then he casually answered, “Oh yeah, her, yeah, we dated.”

 “Was it before or after she became a pop star?” Millie asked in curiosity.

 Blitzo crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

 “You dated a popstar?!” Moxxie added as he stepped out of the van.

 “Okay, why are you all acting like that’s such a shock?” Blitzo asked.

 “Hello. It’s Verosika Mayday?” Loona replied.

 “It’s you?” Millie said. Moxxie and Millie were surprised that a famous person like Verosika would consider dating someone who was perceived to be far below her league.

 Moxxie scratched his head. “I just…Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?”

 “Okay look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be,” Blitzo said. “I don’t pry into your stupid personal lives.”

 Loona, Moxxie, and Millie did overlapping yells:

  “You do that all the time, sir!” yelled Moxxie.

 “Come on, you do that,” added Millie.

 “You totally do that,” Loona agreed.

 Millie grinned mischievously, her eyelids lowering. “What was sex with her like?”

 “Millie!” Moxxie yelled, taken aback.

 “What?!” Millie shrugged. “It’s a pop star! You’d wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.”

 Moxxie paused in mid argument. “Touché.”

 “Okay look, let’s just drop it!” Blitzo demanded. “Millie, find a temporary spot for that truck.”

 He tossed a pair of keys to a gleeful Millie, who caught them and scampered off.

 “Okay, Loonie, Moxxie, let’s go handle this shit.”

 In the building, Loona led the way between the imps as the three stepped out of an elevator. The dark brown walls were decorated with yellow webbed cracks. I.M.P. was painted in red on an office door window. The Hellhound nervously stepped forward, hands together.

 “Did they see me? Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today!” she muttered. Blitzo stared at her with shining eyes.

 “Oh you look perfect, Loonie. Like always.”

  She flinched away from him, arms crossed as she passed by a water cooler. A look of annoyance crossed Loona’s face at Blitzo baby-talking her.

 “Oh shut up da…” Loona began before seeing a look of adoration and wide eyes on Blitzo’s face. She had almost said, “dad.”

 “Urgh!” she caught herself and shoved him aside. “…Blitzo!” She checked her face in a small hand mirror, a wolf design on it. She then bumped into a long furry arm.

 “Oh. Whoa,” she breathed. Glancing down at her was none other than Vortex. Redness crept up to her cheeks and she wagged her tail. Blitzo briefly smiled at Loona before gasping in shock. He dashed between Loona and Vortex, arms out.

 “Hi big man,” he said. “Where’s your bitch bag of an employer?”

 “She’s in her office,” said Vortex in a low voice. “There wasn’t room on the second floor so they rented one here on this one. It’s way cheaper.”

 Vortex mentioned toward a room down the hall, across from the I.M.P. office. Three neon hearts stood right above two blue double doors. A large pink “V” and a pink “M” were painted on the door windows, standing for Verosika Mayday (and Vivienne Medrando, creator of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss!)

 “Oh come on!” Blitzo yelled.

 Vortex chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders. “Sorry man,” he said before walking away.

 “Oh no you don’t, bitch,” Blitzo muttered.

 “Sir,” Moxxie began. “How about you let me go in and try to reason with her. I don’t really listen to what’s classified as “pop genre” music, so her status to me is…”

 Blitzo tuned out Moxxie’s rambling.

 “Moxxie,” he said, “Shut the fuck up.”

 “All righty then,” Moxxie replied, pushing open one of the blue doors and going inside. Electronic music briefly sounded from inside the room. The room had been converted into a dimly lit recording studio, with mixing consoles, effects units, microphones and separate booths. The neon pink border just under the ceiling gave it a club-like atmosphere, as did the rows of beer bottles on the counters. The silhouettes of Moxxie, Verosika and her gang of demons were visible from a large glass window.

 “Hello Miss Verosika was it?” Moxxie asked, his eyes golden and glowing. “I work for Imp and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned because…”

 A woman succubus with a bob of hair pointed at Moxxie. “Aw, look at the little one. He’s got a wittle bow tie!” The gang snickered.

 “Please don’t condescend me, ma’am,” Moxxie replied. “I…”

 A male incubi leaned close to Moxxie. “Wanna kiss, you little guy?”

 Moxxie stepped back. “A…A kind offer, but…I’m married.”

 Verosika stepped forward as her gang surrounded Moxxie. “Hey, why don’t you send a little message from me back to your limp-dick boss?”

 Verosika and her gang hissed with sharp shadowy mouths over Moxxie. The imp screamed “Don’t touch that!” Blitzo raced over and pressed both hands on the window pane.

 “Moxxie, do not let her access any of your holes!” he cried.

 Moxxie raced back into the hall, his back against the closed doors. He was shaken and battered, with red lipstick kisses all over his face.

 “I…I gotta go lie down…now,” he stuttered as he walked away.

 Blitzo fumed, veins popping in his yellow eyes. “Oh this won’t stand!”

 He boot-kicked both doors open, gaining the attention of his ex and her crew. There were other succubi and incubi with reddish pink skin, horns, pointed tails and small bat wings. A white-haired man wore a black collar with a black upside down cross around his neck. He wore a black short sleeved shirt with a red logo that read “burn forest burn” on it. His taller male partner wore a ripped black tank top with a circled X on it. His hair was black and he had a black goatee. Two demon women partners sat together as well. The first had long dark hair and wore a fishnet top and leggings. The white-haired succubi next to her wore short revealing overalls. Verosika stood poised in the middle.

 “Alright, (censored)! That’s it!” Blitzo yelled, marching over toward Verosika. “If you’re gonna be shitty to my employees…” he pointed a finger at her, “…then I challenge you to a fucking…challenge!” He leaned his head back in frustration. “Fuck, I said that twice.”

 The woman with long dark hair chuckled. “Is this imp boy starting a demon duel?”

 “I think he is,” Verosika replied with a snicker. She bent over toward the imp. “What’s the game then, Blitzo?”

 “Every year, you STD spreaders go topside for easy pickings while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!” Blitzo responded. He grinned, “So I bet…you succu-bitches can’t fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day.” He briefly made a hand gesture of a gun.

 Verosika and her gang burst into laughter. Blitzo glared in determination. Verosika and the others stopped laughing. “Oh, you’re serious?” Verosika asked. She leaned in and spoke to Blitzo in a low whisper, “Game on, bitch.”

 Later at I.M.P. headquarters, Blitzo stood in front of an easel full of paper and a large whiteboard flanked by bat wings near the top. There was a large bar graph drawn on the board along with horse drawings. On the left hand corner, Blitzo had written, “Potential Horse Names: ‘Grape Fiesta’, ‘Paperclip’, and ‘Soap’, -32.”  Moxxie, Millie and Loona sat in their usual spiked chairs around a long table to listen.

 “Alright, shut your assholes, here’s how were gonna do this shit,” Blitzo announced.

 “First, we find a fuck ton of clients…”

 The animated childish drawings on the paper showed Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona standing together. A crowd of imps and clients surrounded them and gave them hugs and piles of money.

 “We portal up…”

 The Blitzo drawing snapped his fingers and the I.M.P. figures fell down to earth.

 “We have our fun murder time as per usual…”

 The I.M.P. figures used guns to kill the human figures around them.

 “We pile all the bodies into a big fucking canoe…”

 Drawing Blitzo tossed the dead humans into a canoe that read “S.S. Cum Gutter.”

 “We push said canoe into some water. We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles and maybe a goose, too. Fuck it…”

 Animated drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and a goose ate at the bodies on fire. A large octopus sea monster snapped the boat and everything up in its mouth.

 “They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet…”

 The I.M.P. figures cheered, while the Loona one wore a party hat and blew a noisemaker.

 “We rub it in that sloppy bitch’s drunken whore ass face.”

 The Verosika drawing burst into tears on her knees as the I.M.P. figures flipped her off several times.

 “Do you have any questions?” Blitzo asked as the real meeting continued.

 “Uh yeah, why was that nonsense?” Moxxie deadpanned.

 Blitzo walked over to him. “That wasn’t a question.”

 “That wasn’t a plan,” Moxxie retorted.

 Blitzo put a hand around Moxxie. “I’m sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It’s not my fault you’ve got a smooth little brain upstairs.”

 “A what now?” Moxxie asked, eyebrows raised.

 “I’m calling you slow, Moxxie. God, why don’t you learn to take criticism, you talentless baby dick troll?” He pointed his finger into Moxxie’s chest several times as he spoke.

 An angry Moxxie stood up on the table. “Well why don’t you take an art class?”

 Blitzo grabbed Moxxie by the collar and threw him back onto the chair. “Why don’t you see how expensive they are?!”

 Loona interrupted the argument, still holding her cell phone. “Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?”

 Blitzo crossed his arms in disapproval. “Absolutely not. I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of freaks up there who drool all over you.”

 All four characters glared into the camera, breaking the fourth wall.

 “Well, I can blend in with humans easy enough,” Loona explained. “Just let me tag along.”

 “Wait, say that again,” said Blitzo.

 “I can blend in?” Loona reiterated.

 “You have a human disguise?” Millie asked.

 “Yeah. Don’t you?”

 The three guilty imps nervously looked at each other, eyes darting from side to side.

 “You three have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time, without human disguises?!” Loona asked in disbelief.

 “Okay, new plan!” Blitzo called, rapidly scribbling on a piece of paper. He placed the paper on the easel, showing Loona surrounded by human figures with tiny hearts around them.

 “Loonie can help lure the humans to us and we’ll take care of the rest. Okay how about that?”

 “Flawless logic,” Millie smiled in agreement.

 Moxxie held up a clawed finger. “I think you’re missing the biggest issue, sir. Isn’t it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren’t just going up to massacre.”

 Blitzo smirked in response. “I got that covered, Mox.”

 Not long after, Blitzo stuck a flyer onto a pole. It read “Spring Break Victim 50% Off!” It had a drawing of Blitzo, a dead victim and little cartoon horses.

 Blitzo strode to Moxxie. “Now, we wait.”

 Moxxie shook his head. “Sir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled bad grammar flyer!”

 Both Moxxie and Blitzo paused and looked over to see a line of a dozen creatures looking in curiosity at the flyer under the Pride Ring’s blood red sky. They arrived in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some of them were imps and others were sinners. There was a pink fluffy monster with black eyes, an orange fly trap plant wearing librarian glasses, a fox with thick white hair, a humanoid dog with pointed ears and a hook for a hand. Next to a teal lizard lady with dyed hair stood a tall man wearing a blue suit with a deer skull for a head. Even Travis, a gray owl demon, was there.

 Blitzo elbowed Moxxie with a smug grin before strolling over to the other demons. “Now, who’s first?”

  Part Two: At the Beach

 The beach in the human world was alive with humans from everywhere. Men, women and children happily walked around, relaxed under umbrellas, or had snacks. Several surf boards stood up in the sand by a decorated teal wall with a wavy orange design taking up the center. The crowd was positioned between a wooden dock and a makeshift stage. Two women wearing sunglasses got comfortably close and kissed each other in the shade. A muscular dark skinned man talked with a red haired woman while a blonde guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap shook a bottle of pills into his mouth. Above the beach lay a small row of shops. One sign read “Pawn Paradise.” One sign read “hotel” in red letters while another sign read “Sea cream” with a teal ice cream cone structure next to it. Another sign read “Pico Puncho Pizza” and another read “Dagon Juice” and had a green fish with a sailor’s cap on it.

 In the shadows under the dock, the I.M.P. crew emerged from algae covered rocks.

 “Now remember, we can’t be seen, alright?” Blitzo reminded them. “And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off them. You got the list, Loonie?”

 Loona skimmed the list in her hands and gave it a sniff. “Got it.”

 She dropped the paper, stood up and walked into the light. A rush of swirling blue magic enveloped her before it vanished.

 Loona was now in human form. She opened her red eyes and brushed her thick light gray hair with her hands. She wore her same dark crop top and high black shorts but she now had white skin, two bars in her right ear and a partially shaved head. She had gray eye makeup on and a black choker around her neck. Her pale midriff, arms and legs were visible.

 All three imps stared in amazement.

 “Oh Loonie, look at you!” Blitzo breathed. “You look downright awful!”

 Loona glared at him.

 Blitzo wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m so proud.” He pointed ahead. “Now go fetch!”

 Loona peered in front of her with a hand over her eyebrows to help block out the light. Her target humans were outlined in red in her vision. Loona smirked and strolled over to a tall dark haired muscular man wearing sunglasses. She moved a finger toward his chest and gave him a flirtatious grin. She mentioned behind her to a private alleyway. Loona led him into the alleyway and leaned casually against the wall. The man reached out to grab her in lust but was immediately shot in the head by Blitzo spying on the roof. He gave Loona a thumbs up.

 Later on, a blonde man ran to Loona in an alleyway with a hungry lustful look on his face. He was caught in a noose by Blitzo. A random “music band” poster hung on the wall. On a rooftop, a brown haired man leaned in to kiss Loona, but Millie knocked him off the roof with a kick. The man fell into a green dumpster that Moxxie slammed shut. Loona walked with a fat man down the sidewalk and a flower pot crashed fatally into his head. Blitzo killed a woman with a knife, Millie killed a white haired woman with a spiked baseball bat, and another woman got shot in the head.

 Blitzo and the gang put the bodies in bloodstained dark trash bags, closing them. In the background, Millie happily jumped on another body.

 “That’s nine kills in the bag!” called Blitzo. “I’d like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many…”

 The imps froze when they heard a voice through a microphone. It was Verosika Mayday on stage, in her human form. Her shadowy silhouette in the clearing smoke resembled her demon form. She had blonde hair, tan skin and wore black leggings and high heels. She wore a pink skirt and a matching frilly top that revealed her right shoulder. She had a small black heart on her right cheek. The background lights were pink, giving the appearance of moving hearts. “Verosika Mayday” was on a pink banner overhead. Verosika appeared on two screens on either side of the stage, showing moving hearts of red, pink and white for the background. Six pink spotlights shone on her.

  “All right spring breakers! Are y’all ready get fucked up and make some bitching bad choices?!”

 The crowd cheered in affirmation. A white teen boy with short blonde hair tore off his shirt and yelled “Verosika!” He had her name written in pink on his bare chest.

 Verosika sang her song:

 “All aboard

 Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown

 V-time, free time, baby relax

Self-care, no hair, Brazilian wax

Hardtop succu-bus to the beach

Catch some rays while catching some D

 Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown

 Hot dog, hot bod, sausage and buns

Threesome, fivesome, having some fun

Back to my place, welcome to Hell

Sun’s out, hormones out, how does it smell?

 Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown”

  Verosika performed her song on stage and took a drink from her bottle. “Fuck you Blitzo” appeared on the screens as Blitzo seethed. The humans made out with others around them. The humans kissed, hugged, and gave each other anal. One dark woman succubus showed a love-struck man a popsicle with semen-like saliva on it. She grinned and threw herself onto the human male. An incubi with dark hair in human form smiled and snapped his fingers at a blonde man…his sunglasses fell off his surprised sunburned face. Several more succubi and incubi grinned and snuck up on the humans.

 Blitzo was furious. “God dammit, that bitch started her godish mating call! Now she’s gonna win all those sex maniacs. We gotta pick things up, guys! He on the list, Loonie?”

 Blitzo mentioned to a vomiting long haired blonde man in boxer shorts.

 Loona appeared distracted, not even looking at him. “Huh? Yeah I think so.” Loona was staring at a tall muscular black skinned bouncer by the stage: a human Vortex.

 “Good!” Blitzo called.

 The blonde man looked up at Blitzo in a stupor.

 “Whoa, what are you? A leprechaun? Hahaha!”

 Blitzo raised a sharp black and red ax. “Oh yeah, pretty cool, huh?”

 Blitzo smashed the man’s head open with the ax, causing blood and brains to splatter.

 “But you sure as shit ain’t gonna tell nobody.” He looked over. “All right, next one, Loonie, come on.”

 Blitzo rapidly glanced around, but Loona wasn’t where she was a moment before.

 “Where’s my baby?!” he cried in a panic. Millie pointed toward the stage. “Look!”

 Loona nervously made her way through the crowd, avoiding a French-kissing couple and tossing aside a bra that landed on her head. A squealing fanboy ran toward Verosika but Vortex punched him into the ground, head first. He dragged the teen away in the distance as Loona watched. A male incubus appeared as a white skinned human with short white hair. Putting both hands on her shoulders, he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her. With a roll of her eyes, Loona landed an uppercut on his chin, causing him to fall.  

 “Now, who wants a piece of this?” Verosika called as she took one last gulp.

 She tossed her flask into the ocean, creating a small golden portal. A fish appeared, which rapidly grew in size.

 Loona walked sideways over toward Vortex.

  “Hey, you,” she tried.

 “Hey,” Vortex replied. “You’re the hound working for my boss’s freaky ex.”

 “Yeah. Sorry if that’s weird.”

 “It’s cool,” he shrugged. “Her beef ain’t mine. I’m not paid enough to care.”

 Loona laughed nervously. “Yeah. Yeah.” She pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m Loona!”

 “Okay.” In her giddy tone he repeated, “I’m Vortex!” Both chuckled.

 “That’s hot,” Loona said with a grin. Then her face turned red and flustered. “I mean like literally you know because vortexes, you know, they give off heat. Probably.” She pointed both fingers in a snap, trying to act cool.

 Vortex chuckled lightly. “Uh, yeah. I guess. But my friends call me Tex.”

 “Oh yeah. I wish I had friends. I mean no, I mean, I don’t. I…I don’t have friends.”

 Just then, Blitzo arrived, moving himself between them.

 “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Nah man. Just having a conversation,” Vortex replied.

 Blitzo narrowed his eyes and wagged a finger at him. “’Conversation’ leads to HPV!” Loona clenched her fists in frustration.

  Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie hid behind several metal beer barrels.

 “And… we lost him,” Moxxie declared. “Huh, it’s looking like it’s up to us handle this list.”

 Millie’s face shone in excitement. “Hell yeah! Team M and M, getting shit down, making the money!”

 Moxxie and Millie ran off holding hands in the sunset and killed more people. A sign read “Senpai, notice me.”

  Loona pinched her nose. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Loona said to Blitzo in concern. “You’re gonna get us all into shit.”

 “I just wanted to see what was so important that you’d be distracted from your job.”

 Loona angrily pulled Blitzo away from Vortex.

 “What, I can’t have a break?”

 Blitzo yelled at the top of his lungs. “We have a parking spot on the line!”

 “Hey dude,” Vortex mentioned as he walked over. “Why don’t you chill out?”

 Blitzo wagged a finger. “Why don’t you stay out of it?”

 He turned back to Loona.

 “Okay, this is our business.” He pointed to the ground and in his tail was a drawing of Blitzo killing a person, a horse followed by an equal sign and dollar signs. “Literally.”

 Loona clenched her fists and briefly leaned forward in anger. “Oh fuck Blitzo! Why can’t you stay out of my face for like five minutes?!”

  “Because I adopted you! And that should mean something.”

  “Oh what does it matter? You’re not my real dad! I was almost eighteen.”

 “It still counts.”

 “Well it shouldn’t. I didn’t need you then, asshole! I don’t need you now.”

 A tense silence followed. Both of them crossed their arms, their backs to each other. Both faces showed hurt expressions.

 As a young pup, Loona had been left to fend for herself by her real neglectful parents. She had lived a life of meth addiction, sex, fighting and insecurity with no real friends. Blitzo was perhaps the first person to truly care about her. He took her in as a teen and adopted her…and she had worked at I.M.P. ever since. Loona already felt bad at what she had just said. But there was no taking it back.

 She stuttered, trying to say something.

 “Uh, Blitzo…I…”

 “Enjoy your break, Loonie,” he replied. “I’m gonna go kill something.”

 Loona sighed sadly as he left.

 “Damn, girl. That was savage,” Vortex remarked sympathetically. He placed a large comforting hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

 Loona blushed heavily, forcing a smile.

 “Yeah, I’m fine. He’ll get over it. He usually does.”

 “I’m glad you could stick up for yourself, at least,” Vortex mentioned. “Hmm. Takes guts.”

 “Thanks,” Loona smiled.

  Meanwhile, Moxxie looked to the left and right from behind the beer cans on a table. Beer can and bottles were everywhere. Moxxie ducked back behind them, watching as Millie loaded her crossbow. The two imps smiled and kissed.

 A man with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a tie-dye shirt that read “Kool” threw down a beer can. “Yeah! Party!” he yelled. The man pointed both fingers in the air and then promptly flipped the table, sending the imps flying. Moxxie landed on the ground as the beachgoers stepped back.

 “Eww!” exclaimed a red haired woman in disgust, pointing down at him. “Oh my god! It’s a fucking possum!”

 Moxxie tried to scurry off, but a man picked him up. “Oh crumbs!”

 “I got it!” called the guy with “Kool” on his shirt, holding up Moxxie in the air. A muscular blonde man held a large beer barrel. The first guy tossed Moxxie inside while the second one closed the lid. “We put him in the keg,” one of them said. The other people cheered as Moxxie was carried away. “Beer is awesome!” they cheered. While he was inside, he gulped down the beer around him. The people tossed the barrel and played catch with it before leaving it behind.

 Millie dashed from behind the beer cans, arriving at the barrel Moxxie was in. The barrel wobbled, surprising Millie. She placed her ear to it before tipping it over. Moxxie spilled out on his back with the remaining beer.

 “Moxxie!” Millie cried.

 “Millie! Hi! Hey!” Moxxie slurred, rolling onto his back and looking at her upside down. “Hey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss ‘em!”

 He made smooching noises before Millie picked him up.

   Suddenly, a large gush of water rose up from behind them. A dark shadow passed over their faces, darkening the sky. The humans glanced up in shock. Even the demon gang and Verosika looked on in fear and surprise. A woman pointed upwards and several people ran off. A giant foot crushed a man lying on a turtle towel. Blood splattered everywhere and onto the crowd of humans. Another woman screamed and the humans ran for their lives. Blitzo was in the process of chocking a drinking man from behind, when he, too, stopped to look.

 It was a giant black Leviathan fish monster!

 The fish had large teal eyes, fins, white whiskers and dozens of blue sharp teeth. The beast let out a fierce, ear-shattering roar.

 “Oooh, fish,” Moxxie grinned stupidly in his drunken haze.

 Like a deadly vine, a long spiked tongue wrapped around Moxxie and pulled him toward the fish. Millie watched in horror as Moxxie was wrapped up above the large maw before the fish snapped its jaws shut.

 Millie got into a fighting stance. She glanced to her left and spotted a fat man drinking and wearing sunglasses. She stabbed him with a knife and tore off a piece of his towel. With her knife in her mouth, she lit the cloth on fire over a vodka bottle, creating a Molotov cocktail. Millie tossed it toward the monster, sending the fish stumbling and crashing down into the sea.

 Wasting no time, Millie swam toward the monster and cut upwards along its scaly body with her knife. Using all her strength, she pried open the monster’s mouth. Moxxie was punching the monster’s uvula, still wrapped up in the tongue.

 Millie reached for him with her hand. Moxxie reached too, then gave her a high five. Millie grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him up. She used her other hand and foot to support herself on the monster’s teeth. She pulled as hard as he could, but Moxxie wouldn’t budge.

 Just when she lost her grip, she slashed her knife across the tongue, slicing a piece off. In a roar of pain, the monster spat Moxxie out. Moxxie spread out his arms, enjoying the feeling of flying. Back on the beach, a man flinched as the tongue piece landed on the ground. Moxxie landed in Blitzo’s arms. The man cheered before Blitzo shot him with a gun. Moxxie cheered drunkenly.

  Back inside the monster’s mouth, Millie rapidly punched at the tongue, trying to get out. The monster roared in pain and anger, slashing around as Millie wrestled with it.

 “I love that woman!” Moxxie declared.

 Blitzo smirked. “Oh she totally pegs you, doesn’t she?” Indeed, Millie was dominant in the bedroom and Moxxie loved it.

 Millie leapt into the air, knife aimed downward. She fell back inside the mouth…then sliced off the fish’s head from the inside. A gush of blood flowed out from the monster before it landed with a final thud into the water. Millie walked back to shore and dropped her knife, exhausted.

 Blitzo and Moxxie cheered. “Oh yeah, way to show off, Mils!” Blitzo called.

 “Is Mox okay?” Millie panted.

 Blitzo glanced at the drunken Moxxie. “Oh yeah, he’s fine,” he casually said before dropping him onto the sand.

 Millie raced over and held Moxxie in her arms.

 Moxxie grinned at Millie with a doped expression. “This is funny. I’m soooo… drinky.”

 Millie just smiled and hugged him.

 Blitzo scowled and crossed his arms. “Okay, this is too wholesome for my liking.”

 “Blitzo!” Verosika called.

 “Oh perfect,” he said sarcastically. He turned around to the human-disguised gang of seducer demons. “That must be the whores!”

 Verosika was flanked by four succubi and an incubi disguised as humans. “That was handled rather…obvious, don’t you think?” She grinned a smug grin.

 Millie held up Verosika’s flask. “I don’t think this belonged to any of us.”

 Millie tossed the flask to Verosika who caught it with one hand. She dropped it into one of the succubus’ hands.

 “Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world,” Millie added with a grin.

 Even Moxxie laughed out loud, pointing at them. “Oh Satan! You all be so fucked!”

 Verosika briefly looked concerned, then sneered. “Yeah, well you three nasty ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises.”

 Moxxie fell to his knees and face-planted into the sand. He lifted his head up. “A human called me a possum. I am not a possum.” He face-planted again.

 Blitzo stepped forward and moved Moxxie out of the way with a foot. “You know, we could keep this little B movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space.”

 Verosika, not wanting to get in trouble, relented with a sigh. “Fine.”

 Blitzo raised both arms in the air. “We fucking won!”

 “Fuck yeah!” Millie cheered.

 “In your face, bitch!” Blitzo taunted Verosika, who scowled.

 She glared at Blitzo one last time. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Tex!”

 Vortex stood with Loona not too far from the empty stage. “Well, guess it’s time to bounce, but hey, if you’re ever down to party, I’ll give you a ring sometime.”

 Loona smiled in excitement. “Really? I mean, Yeah. Yeah.”

 “Yeah. My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties.”

 “Nice. Can’t wait for my first one.”

 “Let’s get you some friends, girl.”

 Vortex gave her a playful punch before following Veroskia. Loona looked downcast at seeing Vortex leave and being reminded of her confrontation with Blitzo. Vortex already had a girlfriend and he wasn’t coming with her. Now she would go back to doing her usual secretary work. With Hell being “every demon for themselves,” it was hard to make true friends, especially if one was of lower class and lost in dark thoughts all the time. Loona could not deny to herself that she often felt like a lone wolf.

 Millie carried Moxxie and jumped into the portal.

 “Come on, Loonie tooney!” Blitzo called to her. “Let’s go back and park our fat fucking car in our fat fucking space!” He ran off into the portal.

 Loona followed Blitzo and fell through the portal on her back.

 Blitzo mockingly gave Verosika double middle fingers through the portal from behind her. Verosika growled in anger after noticing. She and her gang made their way up the stairs and onto the street.

 A policeman yelled, “Put your hands up, you sick deviants!”

 The gang huddled in fear as guns were trained on them. They were surrounded by police cars, a SWAT team, men on horses and a helicopter. A clown and a mime robot were also with the police.

 Verosika sighed in defeat. “Alright, sluts, get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.”

Her gang members groaned in disgust as they raised their hands in surrender.

#helluvaboss #hazbinhotel

[countessrivers]

I’ve got to stop reading comments on basically any Jim fic, because it’s inevitably just people (the author often included) talking about how much they actually hate Jim and how he’s an irredeemable piece of shit who is way worse than all the actual murderers and abusers who feel 0 guilt over the people they hurt, because it just bums me out.

(Like, it’s wild to me that people equate Jim doing the occasional morally questionable thing, literally always in the service of protecting people/the city, and then afterwards feeling bad and conflicted about it, even as he tries to push on and make something good of it, with the kinds of people who murder dozens with no remorse, or commit cannibalism, or hold the city to ransom, or send serial killers after those that cross them, or manipulate and try to kill children, or abuse literally every single one of their romantic partners, all for their own personal gain. Fucking. Wild.)

Totally not word vomit:

Like, the stuff with Sofia in S4 was definitely a bad idea, one stemming from how desperate Jim is to help the city, how alone he feels, and Sofia’s manipulation is made that much easier by how depressed and hurt Jim is at that point. But he had good intentions - the reason was always about helping the people being victimised by the licences, and ensuring that the GCPD and the other systems within the city were doing their damn jobs and supporting/protecting the citizens. 

Jim didn’t know the full extent of what Sofia was up to. He thought they were partners, he trusted her, which was obviously a mistake, but just because we as the audience knows that in hindsight. Plus, that’s what Jim does, he trusts people, believes them when they say they have good intentions, wants them to be better, encourages and pushes them to be better. All he knew was that she’d opened an orphanage and was integrating herself with Oswald in order to help take down the Pax Penguina. For all that people claim he’s thinking with his dick, or that he slept his way to the Captaincy, Jim never asked for the promotion, is uncomfortable, if not disgusted by the whole thing (not to mention she only did it so she’d be able to hurt him later) and he decided to stop sleeping with her altogether once it happened, having realised that she was manipulating him. He cuts her off completely once it all comes out - even with the blackmail and the threat of exposure he tells her no, refuses to help her, or be with her, for which she punishes him. Sofia tried to control the GCPD via Jim the way Oswald did with Harvey, but he didn’t let her. The first thing he did upon becoming Captain was to pull the GCPD back in line and get them out from under Oswald’s thumb.

Because, real talk, while Harvey had his reasons, understandable reasons at that, he fucked up too. He failed in his duty as Captain. He’d done an excellent job before, but come season 4, he made major, consequential mistakes that arguably made him unfit to lead any longer. He took bribes, he let criminals walk free and serious crimes go uninvestigated, he failed to send anyone to Arkham during Crane’s attack, which was a major failure of duty - it was a police matter, lives were in danger, and as Captain, Harvey should have responded, ordered officers to go, regardless of what Oswald wanted, because that’s his job, because they’d been asked to help, and because he didn’t, Jim, the staff, the inmates, and even civilians had there been a breakout, could have easily been hurt, if not killed. He brushed off the assault of an officer within their own precinct by other cops, and his on-the-job judgement calls and refusal to listen/trust his partner led to multiple officers being injured.

The whole thing is tragic and the consequences damage Jim and Harvey’s relationship. It takes time to mend that relationship, and it changes how Jim sees things a little (I mean it basically makes him that bit more hopeless, which sucks, but he still doesn’t give up, and he kind of needs to be in that place for him to welcome Batman), but Jim still wasn’t wrong to take command, no matter how it came about. No one cares more about protecting Gotham than Jim, and as soon as he had that power, he started working to make things better. He took a shitty situation that he didn’t ask for, and tried to do some good with it.

Another thing that confuses me is how Jim is so often painted for refusing Oswald’s party invitation, because he has a damn good reason - he’s not just doing it to be mean to poor innocent Oswald. Because aside from an understandable desire not to get overly close with a known criminal, the invitation comes on the heels of the mess with Flass, where Jim went to Oswald for help, actively trying to keep it transactional (like a regular cop and CI) and clearly uncomfortable with the possibility of getting too close, and got burned. Oswald is the one who made it personal, who pushed the “friendship” angle, and at Jim’s insistence, promised that no one will get hurt. But he lied, straight up lied to Jim - an innocent woman was tortured, a family threatened, for way more than Jim ever asked for - and Jim found out. He’s horrified by what happened, probably angry at himself for trusting Oswald’s word, and so he tries to push him away, cut off contact. Even when he later goes to Oswald for help once again, he’s careful to keep it all business, offering a favour in order to keep that distance, and setting stricter parameters on what Oswald can do, in order to prevent a repeat of last time (as far as he’s aware).

Plus, Oswald isn’t the fragile wilting flower he’s so often portrayed as in fandom. In that scene he straight up gets threatening when Jim rejects him. Oh, he genuinely wants Jim there, gives him the biggest heart eyes on the regular, but in that moment, he lets his mask drop, lets Jim see it, issues a thinly veiled warning to Jim not to upset him, not to push him away, or he’ll regret it. And by the look on Jim’s face after, he clearly picks up on it. (Like, come the beginning of season 2, Oswald’s manipulating Jim into a situation where he knows he’ll have to kill to protect his own life, and in doing so, put himself under Oswald’s control. Oswald plans that, admits as much straight to Harvey.) 

Jim and Oswald’s relationship isn’t as one sided as people like to claim (usually as they trash Jim). From the get go Jim tries to keep his distance (and honestly, how can you blame him?) but he is always trying to keep it professional and business-like. He’s the one who offers up favours in exchange for favours, and he’s willing to do them, willing to offer Oswald something in exchange for his help. He just has limits to what his conscience will allow, what his ideals and empathy will allow, and for most of season 1, Oswald is still pushing the “friend” angle, which, again, Jim doesn’t want, doesn’t want to let himself want, for all that they share a connection, particularly the more he discovers just how dangerous Oswald is.

Also, Jim is a bad partner? Sure he has some communication issues, is self-destructive, his job will usually always come first, and he should probably see a therapist, but I really think that should be the other way around. Various kinds of abusive behaviour from 3/4 romantic partners, long before any eventual breakups, that escalated majorly into outright murder attempts? Yeah, Jim’s not the problem here.

#hell jim and barbara talked constantly about work and what jim was going though before she left #he confides in lee regularly too #whew this got long #i just needed to get it down #jim gordon #gotham #this is a jim gordon stan blog #don't ever forget that

[tanstar]

Rambling about RE2R and RE3R’s cut content part 1

Part 1: RE2R

So the original re2 is my favourite RE title. It introduced me to the series (I watched my dad play it) and it was the debut of my favourite RE character, Claire Redfield. So I was overjoyed when I learned it was getting remade. Now all I really wanted from this remake was a melding of the original scenarios to create the true canon storyline of re2 and some fun interactions between our characters and I thought that would be a given... So you can imagine my disappointment at what we got. I also love the original re3 and was looking forward to RE3R for similar reasons though I also wanted to see how they’d update Nemesis. Now I’m not saying either are bad games at all, I think both are worth experiencing and purchasing. I just want to air my grievances with both remakes and their cut content but I will also share what I did enjoy. 

Also want to say that I know these games are more like reimaginings or retellings but even from that perspective there’s still issues.

Spoilers ahead. 

Just a quick list of RE2R’s cut content:

No proper B scenarios that offer a cohesive narrative. A severe lack of notes/files/diaries for lore and worldbuiling. No zapping system. No bowgun. No explosive rounds for the grenade launcher. Robert Kendo’s death isn’t shown. Leon and Claire’s interactions are severely trimmed down. Marvins transformation cutscene isn’t shown. Two playable segments as Ada and Sherry (Sherry’s second playable segment maybe has the darkest scene in the game, as she collapses after falling down the trash disposal chute her mutated father lurches towards her, stands above her and we cut to black and shortly after this we learn from Annette that William is trying to find Sherry to implant his embryos in her). Multiple unique boss fights depending on scenario. Irons’s death is far more gruesome in both scenarios in og 2. Ben has far less screentime. No super lickers. No giant moth and it’s larvae. No spiders. No crows. Barely any music. No classic iconic lines (“You lose, big guy” etc). Plant 43 has lost it’s iconic yonic design in favour of looking like a rainforest or something. The ivy’s are now human plant hybrids instead of mutated plants. No super ivys. The alligator is now a RE6 style chase sequence instead of a boss fight. No factory. No marshalling yard. Birkin’s transformation by injecting himself with the g virus and the cause of the T virus outbreak are far more clear in the original. No street section for the opening of the B scenario and no cutscene or explanation for the helicopter crash. Leon no longer saves an infected Sherry from the sick room and brings her to the train. The train no longer self destructs and Sherry no longer saves the day by stopping the train.

That’s a lot of cuts right? Now of course not all of these cuts were bad decisions. While I like the crows for atmospheric purposes, i can understand their removal. Same with Kendo’s death and Marvin turning into a zombie, they wanted a different approach with these characters and I can accept that. Even the zapping system’s exclusion I can understand because although it was a cool little gameplay element that added to the cohesion of the overlapping story, it’s really not that neccessary. And the exclusion of iconic lines is understandable as I believe narrative should always take precedence over fanservice. 

I’m fine with content being cut as long as it’s in favour of the story or is replaced with something else. RE2R did neither of those things. RE3R gets a ton of shit for it’s cut content but RE2R not only did it first but also cut waaaaay more content than RE3R.

RE2R fucked up it's story bad. Og re2 has the strongest narrative of the ps1 trilogy imo with two separate scenarios per character that integrated into two strong narratives. The game throws you straight into the deep end as you navigate the city streets filled with zombies, you watch Kendo be eaten alive as the zombies break into his shop and finally you reach the RPD. And that’s only the A scenario, the B scenario has you witness the cause of the helicopter crash as you make it to the east side of the RPD. From the beginning the og re2 puts in the effort to tell the whole story of whatever scenario you choose. Like the remake there are certain story beats only one character will face, Claire is the only one to meet Irons and Sherry, Leon meets Ada and Ben( he does meet Sherry in the B scenario but we’ll get there). Also in the original due to Leon giving Claire a radio both characters are able to keep in contact and therefore keep each other up to date on their progress. 

So let’s talk a bout the marshalling yard and factory. The marshalling yard is one of my favourite locations in the original. Its atmospheric music, its industrial design and the iconic shot of the train on the turntable with the moon in the background. It’s so foreboding and it leads to an iconic fight with Birkin as you descend to the lab, while protecting either Ada or Sherry (and depending on which scenario you are playing his form will be different). The factory is a small but crucial area to the worldbuilding of og 2 (It’s a cover were Umbrella employees access the underground lab) whereas RE2R has... a sinkhole in the middle of the city. And it’s important in keeping a cohesive overlapping narrative as the reason our protagonists don’t encounter each other in the lab is because the B scenario character has access to the factory. It also contains two iconic scenes for the B scenarios for each character (it should be noted that in the og 2 Mr X is exclusive to the B scenarios). Claire saves Sherry from Mr X, taunts him and then tricks him into falling over the railing into a vat of what looks like molten iron, it’s so badass and it cemented Claire as my favourite character. In Leon’s scenario B Ada arrives to fend off Mr X and protect Leon, she succeeds and Mr X falls over the railing but in the process he nearly kills her, this leads to the kiss between Leon and Ada. No manipulation, just genuine affection for each other. In either B scenario the self destruct sequence is set off by MrX instead of it being exclusively Leons fault like in RE2R. And the factory is important as it gives access to the elevator for the B scenario character to escape to the train. The A and B scenario characters have different methods of escape that make more sense in the original and that comes down to the factory’s inclusion.

So now let’s talk about cut character interactions. In the original Marvin relays to the player the events of re1, I’m fine with this omission as it’s not super important to the overall narrative of re2. Claire and Leon can either reunite in the STARS office or the hallway behind the spade door (Leon also encounters Sherry here but she runs away). Regardless Claire finds out her brother isn’t in the city by reading his diary, Leon gives her a radio so they can stay in contact (which they do, throughout the entire game) and they split up, with Leon looking for an escape route and Claire looking for survivors. Claire’s encounter with chief Irons is very different. The mayor’s daughter’s dead body is sprawled over Irons’s desk as he talks about dealing with the undead and then brings up his hobby of... Taxidermy. It’s just very unsettling and what makes it worse is that earlier before you could access the room, you very clearly hear a woman scream. Once you head into the adjacent room Claire encounters Sherry and radios Leon to tell him. Sherry warns Claire of a monster that is chasing her and runs off again. When Claire returns to Irons’s office he is gone and so is the body of the mayor’s daughter. In Leon’s scenario he meets Ada in the parking lot and she tells him she is looking for her boyfriend John. Now for players who had played re1 this was a neat little reference that tied both games together. With Ada’s assistance Leon gains access to the Cells and meets Ben. Ben willingly locked himself in his cell for safety and won’t leave until Leon finds a way out unfortunately Ben is attacked and either implanted with a G embryo or fatally slashed by Birkin, however he was able to hand over his investigative notes on chief Irons’s corruption and involvement with Umbrella. Likewise when Claire encounters a now crazed irons in his torture chamber, he explains the G virus, Umbrella’s involvement and that Sherry is the daughter of the man responsible for the outbreak. Irons is then either killed from being cut in half by Birkin or from the G embryo. There’s just a lot more build up, subtlety and payoff in the original game that just feels rushed in RE2R and I don’t know why. 

Sherry and Claire’s relationship is portrayed pretty well in RE2R. Although their time spent together is severely cut short, like seriously they only know each other for a whole two minutes before Irons drags Sherry off to the orphanage. The original has Claire and Sherry interact way more, with Sherry travelling by your side through parts of the sewers and the entirety of the marshalling yard. Still a good portrayal overall though.

So we have to talk about Ada and Leon. In the original she is at first portrayed as aloof but eventually from her time spent with Leon, she shows her more vulnerable and genuinely caring side. She is a spy and secretly after the g virus but she also genuinely cares for Leon’s safety, almost dying in the B scenario as she protects him from Mr X. RE2R almost get’s this right. She is initially abrasive but warms up to Leon’s sincerity and kindness. The problem is she is far too manipulative. Their first kiss in og 2 only happens the B scenario and is 100% sincere, Ada might be dying from her wounds so it might be the only chance they get. The remake on the other hand comes across as really skeevy and manipulative. In og 2 when Ada confronts Leon on the bridge he doesn’t believe for a second that she’ll hurt him and he’s right, after she falls off the side of the bridge you can inspect her pistol and find out that it wasn’t even loaded! Also I find Leon to be just a bit too naive in RE2R, he acted like a police officer in the original but in the remake he feels more like a boyscout. I can see what they were going for with his arc for RE2R but is just misses the mark for me personally. Not to say he’s awful or anything, he’s still very likable just a bit of a let down in terms of how he’s used in the story. Namely that he really doesn’t get much to do. He saves Ada, sets off the self destruct sequence, kills Mr X with Ada’s help and gets forced to fight G3 by Annette. The most useful thing he does is willingly fight Birkin on the train in the 2nd run to protect Claire and Sherry. In the og 2 B scenario per Claire’s request via radio, Leon carries an infected Sherry to the train, activates the power and opens the gates, fights the super Tyrant and kills it with Ada’s help and then activates the train to finally escape the underground lab. Then he fights G5 Birkin, when they find out the train is going to self destruct he directs Sherry on how to stop the train and our trio are able to escape. The game then ends on Leon’s iconic line “ It’s up to us to take out umbrella.”

And that ending... Oh boy did it not land for me. It’s almost comical how chipper it is considering what’s to come for these characters. Our trio promises to stick together except canonically Claire heads off on her own like five minutes later because Leon knows if she gets taken in by the government it will hinder her quest to find her brother, so he tells her to leave while he looks after Sherry. So Claire leaves and we get the events for Code Veronica. And as for Leon and Sherry, we know from Darkside Chronicles that Leon was blackmailed into working for the government through threats of experimentation on Sherry. He agrees to work for them to protect her but guess what they still turn her into a test subject anyway! And re6 confirms that the experiments where more than Sherry could bare, as she herself tells Jake. Also the fact that Leon and Claire’s friendship never got any developement in RE2R really works against this ending imo. 

 So what did RE2R get right? Well it has enjoyable puzzles and the solution changes depending on what run you’re playing! While I do miss the soundtrack and think it could have been remixed to fit the tone of the game, the ambient sounds used are spooky and effective. The gore effects are phenomenal. Marvin's expanded role is great, he’s an actual character this time around and it’s sad that we can’t save him. Sherry is adorable and her voice actress does a great job, she’s just incredibly sweet and likable. While Claire can come across a little Moira-ish sometimes, she’s great for the most part. She still get’s to be incredibly caring towards Sherry while also being a total badass who willingly faces down G3. The G3 fight is great and the remixed boss theme is beautiful. William Birkin's transformations are great (though I do wish dog birkin was more like the original), just the detail of his mutated bones and tissue is amazing and grotesque. Speaking of Birkin, the scene where he uses the last of his willpower to kill Mr X and protect Sherry before being overtaken by the g virus completely is so fantastic and perfectly directed. Backtacking/exploration is enjoyable (except the fucking sewers). It has variety of unlockable costumes which is my favourite kind of unlockable. S+ is a fun challenge. The fourth survivor and Tofu modes are really challenging yet fun and have great music, like seriously Hunk’s theme “Looming dread” is fantastic and probably my favourite song in the game. It’s always a joy to see Hunk and he is portrayed perfectly. It’s still an enjoyable game and a good starting point for newcomers, I’d just recommend they play or at least watch a playthroough or the cutscenes of the original to get the full story. Also if you want a fun reimagined, abridged retelling of og re2 then you should look up Darkside Chronicles. The premise is what would happen if Leon and Claire never got separated.

This got waaay longer than I expected so in part 2 I’ll discuss my problems with RE3R and its cut content as well as what I liked.

#resident evil #resident evil 2 remake #resident evil 3 remake #resident evil 2 #rant

[fangzeronos]

Young Justice Outsiders finale

Ok, guys. Here’s the finale wrap up for Young Justice Outsiders! Massive spoilers under the cut, so read at your own risk.

 Episode 24: Into the Breach

 Ok, so this picks up just before M’gann’s teams infiltrate the Orphanage from Ep 23 Terminus. The Outsiders, minus Static (who’s been with Black Lightning), and Geo-Force, who was with M’gann’s team, infiltrate Building 16, a props department with no surveillance. Vic’s powers come in hand to get rid of the illusion and find the Apokoliptan tech, leading Granny to show up after putting the Outsiders in the X-Pit’s Ghost Dimension.

 Gar and Granny fight, and since when can Gar turn into a Ma’ale’fak? We haven’t seen one of those since M’comm tried to fight M’gann back early on in the season. I know he can turn into things from other planets, like that weird bird thing from Rann, but this was new. I really enjoyed the fight, even yelling “GAR GET YOUR ASS UP!” several times.

 Vic, while all this was going on and they were being tortured, worked his technomagic on Overlord and kicked it’s ass, breaking Granny’s hold on the Ghost Dimension and causing them to win the fight. After he and Beetle destroyed the tech he’d found earlier, he boom tubed to the Orphanage and found Violet and Granny, whose two selves (Granny Goodness and her “avatar” Gretchen Goode) fused back together. He blasted the control goggles off of Halo’s head, and y’all this is where it got good!

 MY GIRL WENT SUPER SAIYAN! All of her auras, lookin’ like motherfucking Rainbow Brite before laying a hurt on Granny’s candy ass. She cleansed the Anti-Life Equation, freeing her friends before she, Vic, Superman, and Captain Atom blew up the device on the Orphanage. The reunion with Brion was sweet and I’m glad they’re together again, even though I know something bad is about to happen later on.

 Connor and M’gann, however, aren’t so kosher. He’s still dealing with her hiding the Anti-Light from him, and who knows how they’re going to end up. I know a lot of people hate SuperMartian as a ship, but we already lost Spitfire and BluePulse isn’t going to happen, so can we please leave at least one ship intact?

 Vic officially joined the Outsiders too! Cyborg is now officially born!

 Episode 25: Overwhelmed

 Ho, boy. Let’s start with the easy and get to the emotional stuff, because that’s where the meat of the episode is.

 Connor and Forager go to Geranium City, a city created and inhabited by Genomorphs, the same ones that were under Cadmus’ control back in the early days. Forager’s trying to find his place on Earth since Mantis was arrested at the end of the last episode for helping Granny Goodness, and he’s torn between returning to his home world or staying on Earth. He and Connor have work to do regarding both of them coming to the light, so to speak.

 Metron returned long enough to basically kidnap Vic and Violet, and unfortunately little Lian since she was in Violet’s arms at the time. Turns out, since they’re both “children” of MotherBox and FatherBox technology, they’re technically Metron’s grandchildren, which is something I never thought I’d hear. He warns them that they may be the key to stopping Darkseid’s plans if they don’t die in the process.

 Gregor Markov is back. He’s with Brion and Tara in Beverly Hills, meeting his siblings in secret. The first time all of them have been together in years. Tara, however, has other plans and tells Deathstroke Gregor’s out of the country, allowing them to put their plan into action in Markovia, allowing their uncle, Baron Bedlam, to stage a coup and take over the country. It’s going to be interesting to see how they pull this off.

 And now the emotional stuff. Artemis. After coming home and seeing Will had made dinner and set up candles and shit, the two talk before kissing. She breaks the kiss and apologizes, running off to her room and grabbing the picture of her and Wally and apologizing to it. She called Zatanna and meets with her, M’gann, and Rocket under the willow tree they met Dr. Fate under early on in the season. Zatanna casts some magic (or so we think) and Artemis goes into Limbo, seeing Wally.

 She’s only got until sunrise, so she imagines their house, they’re engaged, she’s pregnant, and then ends up with a nameless baby. She knows it’s fake, because the tv in the mindscape has Zatanna saying she’s going to cast a spell to “raise the sun”, and then it turns to an episode of “Hello, Megan!” which should have been a clue as to what the hell was going on.

 Wally tells her its time to wake up, step through the door and find someone to love again, saying she deserved a chance. “I already had my chance” fucking hurt. She walks through the door (all that’s left of the house after everything faded from around them) and comes back under the willow, and she walks off with the girls.

Rocket questions what happened, and Zatanna admits she cast a spell, but it was all M’gann’s doing. She created a mindscape in Artemis’ head that let her get the closure she needed to be able to move on after two years. The day Artemis finds out that her best friends did that to her, I can very easily see it blowing up in M’gann and Zatanna’s faces and Artemis either threatening her friends or just outright cutting them out of her life.

 Violet got home with Lian who was sound asleep, and she tells Will it was “an average night” before going to lay Lian down. Artemis arrived a minute later, her and Will talking about the kiss and what happened, but they both agree it was wrong and felt wrong the moment it happened. They’re still in-laws, after all.

 Side note: Can you please bring Wally back already? The Goode Goggles hallucination for Garfield in ep 12, Dick’s fever dream in ep 23, and now a fake limbo by M’gann in ep 25, I am tired of being teased about my boy. Bring him back or stop fucking with our emotions, you bastards. Seriously!

 Episode 26: Nevermore

 Other than sharing its name with my favorite Teen Titans episode, let’s dive into the big finish!

Three teams lead the charge into Markovia to deal with Baron Bedlam. Tara, Garfield, Victor, and Brion are one squad, M’gann leading El Dorado, Blue Beetle, Traci 13, Static, Wonder Girl, and a couple of others are a second, and Connor, Artemis, Dick, Forager, and Violet are the last. Connor’s squad faces off with Bedlam who takes off running, Count Vertigo coming in to keep the squad down.

 Bedlam runs right into Gar’s team, and he’s confronted by his niece and nephew. Brion knocks him out of the window after Bedlam backhands Tara, and the two fight in the courtyard where it gets publicly broadcast. The fight goes either way, but Brion finally manages to get the upper hand on his uncle. Despite everyone telling him not to, Brion executes his uncle on international television! We find out later it’s the Ambassador using a low-level psychic ability to influence Brion’s actions, but the damage is done. Brion is now king of Markovia, estranged from his sister and broken up with Violet who is horrified at his actions. We see later the Ambassador is now a member of the Light, controlling Brion for a puppet government, along with Dr. Jace back in the picture looking happy to have her “Son” back. I honestly fear that Brion is going to be a season 4 antagonist.

I’m so glad to see that Tara’s not going to end up betraying everyone to Deathstroke and we’re not getting Judas Contract again. IT’s about time to do something new with her character, and where she is now is a good place to give her a new direction.

 Nice to see Luthor getting what he deserves. Connor outing himself as a clone created by Luthor was a nice touch, and it’s good that Troia might be getting the big chair.

 I’m glad SuperMartian is going to stay together. At least two of my ships continue to sail. I was so worried they were going to split for good at the end of Ep 24, and I’m happy to see them going to last.

 Dick outing everything they did to the Team and the League was a nice way to end it. Everyone coming back together, and Black Lightning getting the League chair was great. Dude has had a shit run the entire season and it’s good to see him get a win.

 A FUCKING LEGION OF SUPERHEROES RING IN THE END SHOT?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? Are we getting the Legion in season 4?! That would be so crash!! We almost got Slobo! And Lobo showing up and squashing his clone made from his severed finger was goddamn hilarious.

 Overall, this was a great season. There were some slow parts, a few things that could have been expanded on and shortened, but all in all I loved it from the word go. I’m glad we got to see a handful of “one-off” characters in Spoiler, Arrowette, and Orphan, and I hope to see them get more screentime in Season 4. Loved all the new characters, Cyborg was great, Halo was my all time favorite, loved Forager, and up until the end of Ep 26, I enjoyed Brion.

 Hats off the all of the voice actors this season, man. Stephanie Lemlin did so good as Artemis still struggling with Wally’s disappearance, and every time she talks about him, you feel the weight and emotion behind each word. Zehra Fazal, if you guys follow my twitter, you know how I feel about this woman. She voiced like a dozen characters, and she did such a damn good job in each scene she was in, and you felt the weight she was carrying trying to discover who and what she was. Zeno Robinson had some big shoes to fill as Cyborg, but MY GOD did the due kill it! From either of the spectrum, Zeno quickly rose up in the ranks of my favorite VA’s.

 I’m sad to see the season end, but let’s look forward to Season 4!!

#Young Justice Outsiders #Young Justice Outsiders Spoilers

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.5

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 4, Maki opened up about her past, she and Shuichi and Kaito were ADORABLE FRIENDS, Kaito was a huge hypocrite on the topic of burdens, twice, Kokichi helpfully suggested some improvements to Monokuma’s script like an absolute moron, and Kaito’s bonus training for his sidekicks was totally not him desperately trying to prove that they still need him or anything.

Now for the last of chapter 4’s free time!

Shuichi:  (What can *I* do? The only thing I’m good at is solving mysteries, but I can’t figure out this academy.)

That’s not the only thing you’re good at, Shuichi! Your detective’s brain also makes you pretty good at coming up with plans. That plan with the cameras in chapter 1 was really not a bad plan if you ignore the fact that the entire premise of it (that the mastermind wouldn’t have a way of knowing about it) was flawed. But of course Shuichi wouldn’t think that or want to attempt something like that again since it indirectly got Kaede killed.

Keebo:  “What can we each do to make sure that we all survive…? We all possess Ultimate talents. There *must* be something we can do.”

YES IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE ULTIMATE ROBOT COULD GET US OUT OF HERE OR SOMETHING.

Geez. I was mostly not being too mad at Keebo because I figured he was largely oblivious to the difference his weapons could have made anyway, but this makes it a whole lot less excusable. (And again, there is no indication given that he’s not doing so because of his inner voice, which is the only truly justifiable reason that would make sense within the story.)

So that’s even more reason for me to not hang out with Keebo here like I wasn’t going to anyway, because that should by all rights lead to Shuichi persuading him to use his weapons and get everyone out of here today. And that’s obviously not in line with canon.

Gonta:  “Hi, Shuichi! How can Gonta help you today?”

Heh, this mostly just sounds like a polite, gentlemanly greeting, but in this chapter’s context, it definitely has undertones of “please tell Gonta he can help you today, Gonta really wants to be able to help you today”. Sorry, Gonta, I’d love to, but we’re already best friends; Shuichi needs to spread his friendship around others too.

Miu is in the computer room as she was all day yesterday as well, but interestingly, right now Kokichi’s hanging around in the corridor not too far from it too. He does apparently help her set things up for their Virtual World trip, so maybe that’s what he’s doing right now.

Despite Kaito not showing up anywhere on the Monopad’s map due to what is presumably a programming oversight (even characters who aren’t available should have their locations shown, with the understandable exception of Kokichi in chapter 5), he does exist during this free time slot and is perfectly available to hang out. The wiki says he is unavailable right now; the wiki is wrong. He’s in the warehouse. You’re welcome.

(The first time I played through this game myself, during which one of my missions was to find every piece of optional dialogue I might not have seen from Youtube playthroughs, I was determined not to give up on finding Kaito here and resolved to manually check EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE SCHOOL IF I HAD TO. Thankfully I started from the bottom up and the warehouse is on the first floor.)

Kaito’s reason for being in the warehouse probably has something to do with the fact that it apparently contains medicine. Like, you know, painkillers and stuff.

Kaito:  “I can see my training is already having results for you and Maki Roll.”

It is, and Kaito has every right to be proud of himself for that!

But it’s also interesting that while a lot of the characters are focusing on thinking about what they can do, since that’s what they discussed at breakfast, Kaito is instead focusing on what he already has done. Almost as if thinking about what he can do in future is painful and discouraging because there’s almost nothing he can do (short of suggesting even more bonus training for his sidekicks, which still isn’t going to help them escape), and so he doesn’t want to dwell on that.

Kaito:  “But don’t slow down here! It’s important to keep up your training every day.”

It is! Shuichi and Maki (with the addition of Himiko) are absolutely going to keep up their training every day when they get out of here.

(Also, remember back in chapter 2 when I mentioned that I’d started doing exercise myself thanks to Kaito? I’ve been doing that every single day for a little bit over a year now, and it’ll be several months more than that by the time this part I’m writing actually gets posted. Kaito is the best.)

Anyway, we’ve been on a roll with Maki lately in the rest of the story (pun totally intended), so let’s continue that by hanging out with her, shall we?

She happens to be in the dining hall, which is just across the corridor from the warehouse and therefore tantalisingly close to where Kaito is. They could all hang out as a trio again! Kaito would also want to hear more of Maki’s heartbreaking backstory! No? No. Silly game mechanics.

Maki:  “Something only I can do… I can think of just one thing. …I know what you’re about to say. But… that’s the reality.”

Oh, Maki. That’s not the only thing you can do!

Maki:  “Of course, I’ll think about… other things I can do.”

Exactly! You can fight and protect us!

Shuichi:  “I didn’t know that assassins were scouted.”

As the event proper begins, Shuichi just straight-up continues the conversation they were having last night. This is why I had to save Maki’s third FTE until now at the earliest – because having this before that scene just does not make sense.

Maki:  “It’s better if you didn’t know. Also, there’s no need for you to know.”

I dunno, Maki, if more people knew that there were child-slave assassins out there then maybe some people would be able to do something about it and this horrendous practice might stop. She just can’t see it that way, because she’s had to accept this as her reality in order to cope.

Maki:  “The orphanage I was raised at was run for that reason.”

Shuichi:  “…What do you mean?”

Maki:  “To raise potential candidates for assassins.”

Yup, that’s the truth of her orphanage. That’s not remotely fucked up at all.

Shuichi:  (How much is Maki carrying on her shoulders…? Such small shoulders…)

Heh. You sound like Kaito, Shuichi.

Maki:  “The basic training forces your body to go beyond its human limitations. They physically beat us to help us withstand torture, and taught us how to die when needed…”

Happy fun Free Time with upbeat music as our friend casually tells us about how she was tortured.

(It really is a shame Kaito couldn’t be here to hear this too. He would 1000% want to help her carry this awful burden just like Shuichi is doing, even though all they can do is listen.)

Maki:  “The only option left when you fail a mission is to die, right? Dying sooner is the nicer way out. It’s much better than being tortured alive.”

…I mean, she failed that one mission with the katana and didn’t have to die for it. I guess what she’s really talking about is if she were to get captured by an enemy of the assassin cult that would use her for information.

At least this means that when they’re all considering group suicide in chapter 5, Maki would know how to also kill herself painlessly at the end of it. You know. Reassuring thoughts.

Shuichi:  (I can’t bear to think of what Maki had to go through…)

I know, Shuichi. It may have never really happened to her, but she’s still having to live now with the memory of it, believing that it really happened to her, and that’s not fucking fair at all.

Maki:  “They tried to drag my dignity and tear it… To make me feel empty…”

They were trying to turn her into an empty, cold-blooded killer without a heart. And they didn’t succeed.

Maki:  “I wouldn’t have accepted the job in the first place if I knew I couldn’t do it… But most importantly… If I broke, then *that girl* would replace me…”

We’ll hear more about this next time, but she’s talking about her best friend from the orphanage. She put herself through what she knew would be literal torture and refused to break under it because if she did, then her best friend would go through that instead. God, Maki is amazing.

(Again, technically none of that really happened to her, but thanks to those fake memories, the person standing here is someone who really would do that kind of thing.)

Shuichi:  “That girl?”

Maki:  “… Sorry… Pretend you didn’t hear any of that just now.”

But it seems like, at least for right now, she’s not quite ready to open up that much. She’ll get there, though.

Kokichi:  “I bumped into Kaito, and he ended up giving me a lecture. He told me to think of a way to escape…”

Kaito has still been trying to get through to Kokichi! He still hasn’t given up on Kokichi and believes there’s some semblance of a decent person inside him who actually wants them all to escape! Kaito is so good.

(It also seems that, despite his earlier declarations, Kaito realised that punching him again might give off the wrong impression and decided to just stick to words this time.)

Kokichi:  “But the only idea I can think of is becoming the blackened myself.”

And… Kaito’s not wrong about Kokichi, but he is underestimating how massively, completely inconceivable it is to Kokichi to actually acknowledge that buried part of himself and start being co-operative. What’s about to happen tonight isn’t going to be for lack of Kaito trying to stop it, but even Kaito isn’t enough here.

Kokichi:  “That’d entertain everyone.”

Which is exactly what Monokuma wants, you are playing right into his hands and you should know this, you goddamn idiot.

Gonta:  “Nrgh… Gonta tired… Gonta think too much…”

Awww, Gonta. He’s been trying so hard.

Gonta:  “Rest is important, too… Gonta have to make sure he not useless when everyone need him!”

“When”. He’s still managing to stay so optimistic that that time will come. (Which it will. Sooner and far more tragically than you think, Gonta. Gaaaaah.)

Anyway, this time, in the very last chance we have for it, we’re hanging out with Kaito. Come on, now – you didn’t really think for a second I was going to go through the story without maxing out his FTEs, did you?

Kaito:  “O-Oh, Shuichi… What’s the matter?”

Just like he did a day ago, Kaito doesn’t seem super-thrilled to suddenly encounter Shuichi wanting to talk to him.

Kaito:  “Yeah, I don’t mind talking, but… My stomach hurts a little. Can we talk somewhere I can rest?”

But this time, he’s actually being somewhat honest about what the problem is. That’s pretty remarkable. Sure, for Kaito to be admitting to Shuichi that his stomach hurts a little, it must really be hurting one hell of a lot, but still. Kaito being willing to show even just a tiny bit of vulnerability in front of his sidekick is such a big deal and warms my heart. It’s okay, Kaito. Shuichi isn’t going to be any less inspired by you just because you’re struggling with a lot of things yourself, you absolute wonderful moron.

Shuichi:  (I spent some time with Kaito… Didn’t he say his stomach hurt last night too? I hope he’s okay…)

I’m sure Kaito hates the fact that his tiny nugget of honesty is making Shuichi worry about him and doesn’t want him to do so at all… but Shuichi absolutely should be worried about his friend.

Kaito:  “Hey, you got a minute? I got something to talk about.”

Shuichi:  “Ah, okay…” (He seems upset…)

Shuichi’s already getting the sense that there’s something more forceful about Kaito than usual as we start the event proper, and boy is there a reason for that.

Shuichi:  (Did I do something to make him angry?)

This, however, is not that reason. But of course Shuichi is lacking enough in self-assurance that he would immediately think this is somehow his fault. Of course it wouldn’t ever occur to him that maybe Kaito has issues and problems of his own and that might be what’s at the root of this rather than Shuichi having done anything wrong. (And this won’t be the only time Shuichi misunderstands Kaito in literally exactly this way.)

Kaito:  “I’m just gonna say it! What are you moping around for!?”

Shuichi:  “What?”

Kaito:  “When my sidekick is moping, it really ticks me off!”

Shuichi:  (I’m… moping?)

Shuichi isn’t moping. He’s still not a shining paragon of confidence or anything, but he’s been able to be a lot stronger and more positive lately. His own reaction to Kaito’s accusation just now shows that even he didn’t really think there was anything he was being particularly negative about, even though Shuichi is usually his own biggest critic.

Kaito disapproves of moping because it’s just wallowing in your negative feelings without making an effort to make it better. But in this context, the effort to make it better that Shuichi is supposedly avoiding would be asking Kaito for help. Right now, “Why are you moping?” really translates to “Why aren’t you letting me help you?”

Kaito:  “I told you, man! Don’t hesitate to talk to me if something’s wrong. But you’re still keeping stuff from me! Am I not reliable enough!? Spit it out! If you bottle everything up, it can’t get fixed!”

What this whole thing really is is Kaito projecting weakness and worries onto Shuichi in another desperate attempt to show that Shuichi still needs his help. His “Am I not reliable enough!?” in particular shows what’s really going on. Kaito is terrified that he really isn’t reliable enough, not now that he’s dying and Shuichi solved the previous trial entirely without him and is seemingly strong enough that maybe he doesn’t really need Kaito’s support any more.

(It could also perhaps seem like Kaito is projecting his own behaviour of hiding his illness from his friends, but like last time, I don’t think the fact that he is incidentally being hypocritical here is the point. If the point was Kaito deflecting, that’d mean that acting like he wants to help Shuichi would just be an excuse to distract from his own problems. But of course Kaito wanting to help Shuichi could never be an excuse – Kaito always wants to help Shuichi, and that’s the real problem.)

Shuichi:  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not looking for advice…”

Kaito:  “You’ve got some guts trying to lie to me.”

Shuichi:  “…”

He’s not lying! Shuichi wouldn’t lie to Kaito, not about his own weaknesses and struggles, nor about wanting Kaito’s advice for his problems. He may sometimes hesitate to talk about what’s bothering him until Kaito prods him a little, but he has never and would never outright lie about it once prodded if something really was wrong. And if that wasn’t proof enough, Shuichi’s staring at Kaito here with a sceptical face like he’s wondering why Kaito even thinks this.

Kaito should know perfectly well that Shuichi isn’t lying here. So it’s really quite delightfully messed up that he would rather tell himself Shuichi is lying to him than face the idea that Shuichi doesn’t need him.

(Even though the only way in which that’s really true is that Shuichi happens to not particularly need his help right now. That’s a completely different thing from not needing him at all… but Kaito doesn’t seem to realise that.)

A couple of times previously, Kaito did a similar thing of starting off a conversation with someone by trying to make it about him listening to their troubles and helping them – once with Kaede in an invitation dialogue, and once in his first FTE with Shuichi. Both those times, though, when they didn’t need to talk to him about anything, he accepted that and was happy to start talking about something else. But not this time.

Kaito:  “Fine then! Listen up…”

Shuichi:  (Kaito encouraged me, complimenting me about my talent.)

If Shuichi isn’t going to ask for Kaito’s help despite Kaito insisting that he totally should be doing so, Kaito’s going to help him anyway, aggressively complimenting him and telling him he’s awesome so that Shuichi can see how inspiring and encouraging and important Kaito still definitely is. (Really, Shuichi had no reason to have ever stopped thinking that about Kaito in the first place, but apparently Kaito doesn’t see it that way.)

You may have noticed from the way I’ve been talking about this event that I’ve been casually assuming despite the flexibility of FTEs that this is definitely taking place during chapter 4, and that all of this is a part of Kaito’s canonical arc that I’ve been talking about the rest of the time. And the thing is, this event really does have to take place in chapter 4, going by the keeping-FTEs-in-line-with-canon logic I’ve been using. Kaito’s fourth FTE mentioned Shuichi being his sidekick, putting that in chapter 3 at the earliest, and while there are two slots in which Kaito is available in chapter 3, the second of those has him already feeling too unwell for it to be believable that a proper FTE would have canonically happened then. So this fifth and final one has to happen, not necessarily this late, but definitely during this chapter.

But even if that weren’t the case, I’d still consider this event practically a canonical part of this chapter. While nothing in it explicitly mentions chapter 4-specific details, this is so clearly written for Kaito’s chapter 4 state of mind as he desperately tries to compensate for the fact that he’s dying by being as helpful as he can to his sidekicks. It fits in beautifully with the rest of the hints toward that we’ve had so far up to this point – in fact, this event is significantly less subtle about it than anything else has been, which is why I’m happy I saved it until the end like this.

Shuichi:  (I should tell him… Then he’d understand why. I told him all about the case that got me the title of Ultimate Detective. I told him everything… so that he would know how untalented I really am.)

However, it seems like all of Kaito’s aggressive compliments just made Shuichi feel like he doesn’t deserve them and actually start to feel bad about himself. Now, at least, he has something to talk about that Kaito might be able to help him with, even though he genuinely didn’t need to talk about this when this conversation began.

(I don’t think Kaito was deliberately intending to bring Shuichi’s issues out by complimenting him, though. That’s far too underhanded and manipulative for Kaito to do no matter what state of mind he’s in. Plus, I’m not sure he’s even that consciously aware of the reasons he’s been acting this way, which he’d have to be for this to be deliberate.)

Kaito:  “I see… So you were chosen after you solved a case.”

Shuichi:  “Yes, and the most important part… I just happened to find some evidence that was missed. I accidentally solved the puzzle. It was all coincidence, happenstance…”

As soon as Kaito says something that puts things in a vaguely positive-sounding light, Shuichi’s immediately jumping to insist that no, that’s not the point, he barely even deserved to solve that case. It’s hard to know how true it is that it was all just a coincidence, but I’m inclined to think it wasn’t. Even if it is just a matter of Shuichi noticing something everyone else missed, that’s still him having better observation skills than anyone else on that case, which is something that’s important for a detective to have. Shuichi’s just likely to not want to give himself enough credit what with how much the outcome of the case traumatised him.

Kaito:  “Geez… You worry about the most trivial stuff, man.”

Kaito, you’re the one who was fishing for Shuichi to be worrying about even the tiniest thing so that you’d have an excuse to help him.

Shuichi:  “You have no right to say that! You don’t know what I’ve been through!”

Kaito:  “Hah! Nice! It’s good to see you actually have some bite to you.”

Shuichi’s response is a dialogue option that I picked, but I like this one, because I enjoy Kaito being proud of him for being able to stand by his own feelings, not even caring that Shuichi doing so involved snapping at him.

(Mind you, Shuichi was also standing by his own feelings earlier when he was asserting that he didn’t need any advice from Kaito right now, and Kaito was much less on board with that, but, you know.)

Regardless, when Kaito said “trivial”, he was really talking about the culprit’s feelings.

Kaito:  “He killed someone and was trying to get away with it! He’s a bad guy!”

This is an instance of Kaito’s often fairly black-and-white way of thinking, but even so, him putting things this simplistically helps Shuichi move away from worrying about how the culprit felt. Even if the guy wanted revenge, that still doesn’t justify murder, so Shuichi was right to expose him for it. Kaede and Kirumi’s crimes so far during this killing game were much less black-and-white, such that Shuichi has a decent reason to feel at least a little bad about cornering them, but that one guy? Screw him, he’s nothing like them.

Kaito:  “If he’d gotten away with it, he’d be crushed by the weight of his guilt. But you got him before that happened! He should be thanking you!”

It’s also very appropriately Kaito of him to see Shuichi’s job of catching criminals as important because it forces the criminals to take responsibility instead of running away from their own actions and the pain they caused. I especially love that Kaito even sees this as a good thing for the culprit himself. This will be a very relevant idea during this upcoming case in particular, in terms of a certain someone Kaito has already been trying to get through to a lot.

Kaito:  “I’ll support you all the way! I know you did the right thing!”

This might still be Kaito overzealously trying to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority, but it’s adorable all the same. This is all Shuichi really needs from him at this point – not necessarily major advice on specific problems, but just knowing that Kaito’s there for him and on his side no matter what. You’re already doing enough, Kaito. Just keep being you.

Kaito:  “And not just with that guy! From now on, if anyone holds a grudge against you… I’ll kick their ass!”

This is not ironic foreshadowing to the extent that one might think, because Kaito is never going to hold a grudge against Shuichi, however much it might seem that way. Of course, Kaito would also definitely want to kick the ass of anyone who even seems to hold a grudge against Shuichi, even briefly, just because doing so would hurt him. So… that’s a thing.

Kaito:  “So you just gotta follow the path you believe in! You’re my sidekick. So don’t hold back, and rely on me whenever you need to!”

These are Kaito’s voiced lines for his final event, and they couldn’t be more appropriate. They’re adorably full of him believing in and supporting Shuichi, with just a dash of that delightful undertone of him desperately wanting Shuichi to still rely on him even if maybe Shuichi doesn’t need to quite as much any more.

Shuichi:  “Kaito… thank you.” (Alright, so he’s foolhardy. But he supports me and expects nothing in return… He does so much for me… I could never turn my back on that. I will never betray his support and trust. I will never break my bond with Kaito!)

While Shuichi is completely oblivious to what’s going on with Kaito and why he’s being so aggressively supportive right now, it’s still just absolutely heartmelting how grateful he is for everything Kaito does for him and trusts him so wholeheartedly in return. For all of Kaito’s issues that this event has been subtly full of, they’re still incredible, adorable friends, which comes across so strongly here. Most FTEs, when they end on emphasising how much the protagonist has become friends with the subject, are kind of dampened by the knowledge that this is just an optional side thing that isn’t really there in the canon storyline. But here, this just serves to highlight the canon adorable friendship between these two even more and I love it.

And if only Kaito could hear everything Shuichi is thinking here. He would never turn his back on you, Kaito! No matter what weaknesses you might have and no matter what mistakes you might make! You have so much less to be afraid of than you think.

Shuichi:  “…I understand, Kaito.”

…Shuichi doesn’t really understand. He only understands the fact that Kaito will always be there for him, and while that’s true (or at least, Kaito has no intention of ever making it untrue), that’s not remotely the full picture here.

Shuichi:  “I will always depend on you.”

This sounds adorable on the surface, but is potentially pretty messed up if you think about it too hard. Ideally, what Shuichi means is, “I will always depend on you when I need to”, which is the healthy way of looking at it – everyone needs to depend on other people sometimes, and it’s great that Kaito will always be there for him during those times.

But… that might not actually be what Shuichi means. I’ve mentioned multiple times that Shuichi is pretty overly dependent, hence him latching onto Kaede and Kaito so easily… so he might be okay with the idea of always needing to depend on on Kaito. Which he shouldn’t! Nobody should want to be constantly dependent on someone else their entire life, and it’s especially unhealthy if it’s on one single person, no matter how reliable and genuinely well-meaning that person may be. Shuichi should want to become someone who doesn’t need to depend on someone else most of the time, even if that someone else is Kaito.

Kaito:  “Yeah! Just leave it to me!”

Under normal circumstances, Kaito would probably be able to pick up on this and recognise that it’s unhealthy and assert that Shuichi should be striving to become more independent. After all, his former sidekicks he mentioned last FTE no longer need him any more, and he seemed perfectly happy with that.

But in the state of mind Kaito’s in by this chapter, he’s not about to do that. Kaito may be a little bit like this even at the best of times, but right now especially he has become incredibly co-dependent – meaning, he’s pathologically dependent on the idea that someone else depends on him. He needs to be needed. And that’s pretty messed up of him too. There is definitely a large part of Kaito that’s worried Shuichi already doesn’t really need him any more – but he’s not letting that part have a say and continuing to insist that of course Shuichi should be constantly depending on him.

Shuichi’s dependency and Kaito’s co-dependency make them a perfect match for each other in a wonderfully messed-up kind of way, and that dysfunctionality lurking beneath the surface is another of the many reasons I enjoy their friendship so much. If it weren’t for this, things wouldn’t be about to fall apart like they do, and this chapter and the beginning of the next wouldn’t be nearly as delightfully heartwrenching.

Shuichi:  (Kaito’s smile was as bright as starlight. I couldn’t help but smile back.)

Bright like he’s a luminary or something! Space imagery! FRIENDS.

Shuichi:  (…Everything is going to be okay. As long as we have this, we can move forward.)

Oh boy, it sure—

isn’t going to be even remotely okay barely twenty-four hours from now.

Shuichi:  (Sometimes I feel as though I’m dragging him down, but I know I’ll catch up one day.)

You’re not, though, Shuichi! This could not be more completely opposite of how Kaito sees things! Kaito feels like he’s the one dragging Shuichi down, which is precisely why we just had this whole event of him desperately trying to show that he isn’t and that Shuichi can still benefit from his support! But Kaito has apparently managed to successfully convince Shuichi that he’s completely invincible and doesn’t have any problems of his own, so Shuichi has no goddamn clue.

Shuichi:  (I bet he’d laugh and tell me I have a lot of nerve for a sidekick.)

He wouldn’t, though. The entire point of Kaito’s sidekicks is supposed to be that one day they’ll reach even greater heights than him – we went over that in his previous FTE. Kaito should laugh and then tell Shuichi how proud he is of him for coming this far. I guess Shuichi genuinely never did realise that most of the reason Kaito was telling him about his former sidekicks was to imply that the same thing applies to him.

Or, at least… Kaito should show pride in Shuichi if Shuichi ever overtook him. But that’s Kaito at the best of times, and those are not the times he’s in right now.

In the report card summary for this event, there’s also a very similar line to the one from before:

“Kaito, I know it seems as though you’re dragging me along, but I’ll be right there beside you.”

This is such a delightfully ironic line, and the writers clearly knew exactly how important it is since they essentially included it twice. Oh, Shuichi, if only you had any idea just how completely backwards you have it. If only Kaito would tell you what’s really going on in his head, and then you could support him in return and help him figure things out. But then, this is Kaito we’re talking about here.

All of Kaito’s previous FTEs featured him talking about himself, like FTEs are supposed to. And in general, the final event in particular is meant to involve the subject talking about their biggest issues now that they feel comfortable doing so because of their growing friendship with the protagonist, and maybe having the protagonist help them a little with that. But in Kaito’s final one, he doesn’t talk about himself at all. Because of course Kaito would never talk about his issues, especially not to Shuichi, who needs to see him as strong and invincible in order to be able to rely on him, or so Kaito is irrationally convinced. (And if he somehow miraculously did talk about his issues and Shuichi helped him with them, that’d probably mean that what’s about to happen in the main storyline shouldn’t happen the way it does any more, which we absolutely can’t have.)

Yet this final free time event of Kaito’s still manages to be thoroughly about his issues, not even despite the fact that he doesn’t talk about himself and makes it all about Shuichi’s issues instead, but precisely because of it. It is so appropriate for Kaito that things should be this way, and I love it.

---

[Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 4 #daily life #free time events #commentary

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

#long post #charlyspeaks #charlys cesspool of interests #team fortress 2 #team fortress #medic #pyro #heavy #engineer #scout #spy #demoman #sniper #soldier #zhenna #tf2 #drabble #my opinions #ooooo

[sean-gaffney]

Tatarigoroshi:  Changes between the Original and the PS2/3 Version

Again, this is something of a work in progress as 07th-mod is still working on the differences.  I will say, though, it is somewhat mind-boggling to see some of these cuts.

Part 1:

Once again, Kei-kei is changed to Keiichi.

Part 2:

A removal of yakuza here.  Get used to this, as I’ve said.

I hate minor kanji differences.  Something about K1’s bento having a fatal flaw is different, God knows what.

Keiichi describing the manga he’s imaginarily buying as “slightly perverted” is cut.

The boys calling the girls ugly was cut.  No objections here.

Satoko says the meal has “ready-made” side dishes in the original, but “poorly made” in the update.  Perhaps to avoid denigrating ready-made side dishes?

Part 3:

All references to Kameda being from Oshima are changed to remove the actual place.

All K1’s lines about being a pervert are toned down.

A lot of K1 and Kameda’s dessert description is toned down, including a few references to lolitas.

Part 4:

In the original, Mion is called “unhealthy”, and K1 encourages Rena to get a “sproingey” body.  In the update, Mion is “underdeveloped” (?!?!), and he says breakfast will give Rena a “sexy” body instead.

Irie saying he would “re-educate” Satoko into a “maidservant” is made a bit less creepy.  Only a bit, though.

Shion interrupting their conversation is hella censored.  In the original, pretending to be Irie, she says she’ll put Satoko on a wooden horse and make her a sex slave.  She and K1 then have an extended conversation about being careful when doing BDSM, and remember the rules.  Needless to say, the update has this be “pretty maid”, and she and K1 get into a discussion of the fact that she used an English loan word.

Tomita and Okamura use Sakoto’s first name in the original, her last name in the update.  Politeness censorship!

Irie’s “disciplining” maids is changed to “domestication”.

Part 5:

Keiichi asks Tomita and Okamura is they want him to explain how to remove the black censor bar from porn in the original.  In the update, he wonders if they need help to see what Chie will put on the test.

The “Great Ariake Exhibition” loses its specific place name.

“Drug addict” changed to “deviant”.

“Staying with a lover” becomes “staying with an intimate lady friend”.

Part 6 (1):

“Parasite” becomes “Slob”.

“Bullying” Satoko becomes “be more serious” or something similar.

Again, the update removes the suggestion that Teppei and Rina are lovers.

“Is it really bad?” becomes “How’s the situation?”, and I am finding myself in disbelief that the PS version of this is removing the mentions of abuse from Satoko’s own arc.

“Abuse” becomes “a problem”.

In an odd instance of the PS version becoming MORE explicit, the references to the “regional” child welfare center are changed to Okinomiya, presumably as that’s a fictional town and therefore it’s OK for them to be as uncaring as they are here.

The person visiting the Houjous from the child center is made a “staff member” in the update, they’re a “commissioner” in the original.

Waiting for Teppei to “hit Satoko and leave a mark” is made just “wait”.  All the abuse is not removed per se, but it’s made super, super vague.

“Orphanage” is made “institution” or removed entirely from several lines.

More removal of “drug addict”.

Satoko’s bruise on her hand is changed to a fever, making this more “neglect” than “physical abuse”.  This affects a number of lines.  And my blood pressure.  What the actual fuck?

Again, Irie’s use of the word “abuse” is changed.

Satoko being described as an “empty husk” is removed.

K1 says if Satoko is in danger he will “take action” without asking anyone.  In the PS version, it’s “report it”, because he is a good boy, like everyone else in Higurashi!

Part 6 (2):

Nothing!

Part 7 (1):

As with Watanagashi, the PS arc pretends Keiichi has met Tomitake before, the original has a “who are you” conversation.  I assume this is due to actual branching choices in the game version.

Tomitake’s Maebara is changed to Keiichi in the PS version, presumably as he is an adult speaking to a child.

Again, abuse mention cut.

Again, Child Welfare officer changed to just a staff member.

Part 7 (2):

“You’ve ever got housekeepers” is changed to “maids”.  I assume this is nuance that would be understandable in Japanese.

Part 8 (1):

Once more, Mion’s drunken shenanigans are changed to “I’m just tired”.

Let’s change “officer” to “staff member” again.

More deletion of abuse.

Satoko inflicting wounds on herself before she calls the center about her stepfather is made “making up a false story”.

And the original says Satoko sent an “SOS’, this is simplified to call.

Part 8 (2)

Nothing!

Part 8 (3)

Aiko specifically recommends “And Then There Were None” and “Murder on the Orient Express” to Keiichi in the original, in the PS version she avoids a specific title.

Part 8 (4):

Drunk changed to tired AGAIN in “Mion’s” phone call.

Let’s make that drug addict a lowlife.  Again.

Part 9 (1):

Kraepelin test changed to a generic one.

Part 9 (2):

Nothing!

Part 9(3):

Nothing!

Part 10:

More removal of underage drinking.  No one drinks, they just stay up too late!

Shion is downgraded from a blockhead to a troublemaker.

Irie still injects girls with chemicals to make them maids in both versions, but he also says “slaves” in the original.

Continuing on with creepy Irie, his line about :”secondadry sex characteristics” is changed to “puberty”.

Specific sedative names removed from the PS version.

More removal of Gifu.

Ooishi’s “only whores do both at once” became “people from the red light district” in the new MG version, and “stage actors” in the PS version.

Part 11 (1):

Nothing. Which means it’s OK to have Satoko boil herself alive in the bath, as long as it’s made clear no parental figure is hitting her.

Part 11 (2):

In the original, Irie has “incontinence” as a symptom of his death.  In the PS this is changed to “dilated pupils”.

The line about if Irie used sleeping pills regularly is cut.

As we infamously know, Satoko’s nudity in the original was changed to “like this”, i.e. in a towel.  And thank God.

“Walking to the festival in my sleep” is changed to “half-asleep”.  Buh?  Is sleepwalking taboo?

More adding a towel to Satoko here as well.

Part 12, Epilogue 1, and Epilogue 2:

Nothing here at all.

Tea Party:

In the original, Takano describes the gruesome scenes of the gas coming in and the villagers foaming at the mouth and dying, in the PS version this is “the tragedy unfolding”.

In the original, Rena introduces the new “character sprites” that appeared, in the PS version it’s “new guests”.

In the original, Satoko says Irie had too many appearances and too much dialogue to be a minor character.  The PS version adds “too strong a role”.

Again, the PS version removes the fourth wall, as “the next scenario” is changed to “from now on”.

Rena introduces Chie as not having a character sprite till this arc, which isn’t true in PS, so that’s changed.

In the original, it’s lampshaded that Chie is a ripoff of Ciel, and Rena laughs nervously about the suggestion.  In the PS this is changed to a curry joke.

Ooishi mentions Angel Mort by name in the original, this is changed to a generic resturant in the PS.  Did a restaurant use that name?  This can’t be copyright, can it?

In the original Rena used watashi (I assume), the PS changes it to her using Rena in the 3rd person.

Irie calls Higrashi a “sound novel” in the original, in the PS he calls it an “adventure suspense” game.

Some rewriting of K1 giving Mion the doll, making it more obvious it’s a choice.  (In PS, I think it is.)

Still can’t call Rina Teppei’s lover.  “Cohabitant”!

In the original, Satoko states “if Keiichi gave Mion the doll”.  In the PS, it’s “if he understood her feelings properly” (I think), which is pretty much more accurate.

In the original, Mion says next time she’ll pound nails into Shion, and even says “bang bang”.  This is made into more general threats in the PS version.

“Sacrifice” is changed to “Offering”.

Tomitake “dying” is changed to “Dropping out of the story”.  No one dies in Higurashi!

Irie standing in for Teppei is lampshaded more in the PS version, where Teppei has a sprite.  They say it’d be a pain to go get him.  Also, Irie’s heavy breathing in his maid line is cut.

Again, Rena is made to speak third person when she punches everyone to death.

Keiichi and Shion revealing the new arc is changed a bit in the PS, but it doesn’t seem to be censorship, just rewriting.

In the original, K1 and Shion announce she’s the next main character as if it’s a big deal.  In the PS, Shion says “it’s no big deal”.

Shion says the late-appearing younger sister has been more popular since the days of TH (aka To Heart) in the original, changed to “galge” in the PS.  Copyright avoidance.

There’s some confusion on my part as to whether K1 says he’s not the main character – this may be due to the way the order the arcs play out on the PS.

In the original, Shion mocks Keiichi and insists he’ll still have no sprite; in the PS she’s far nicer to him.

Rena talks about this being the end of the first half, and the next arc being the “Investigation Arc (Temporary Name)”  It became Answer Arc eventually.  In any case, the PS version mentions Someutsushi and is vaguer about how far into it we are.

Mion predicting Shion getting tortured and meeting a violent death is toned down in the PS version.

TIP 1:

Mion saying Satoko was a Soviet military advisor is changed to a generic country.

“Vietnam” becomes “a guerrilla battlefield”.

TIP 2:

Tomita and Okamura’s voice actors weren’t available, I assume, so their revenge on Satoko is silent, as K1 lampshades.  It even says their mouths are full of lime, which is why they aren’t speaking.  In the original, of course, they speak.

TIP 6:

It’s our two most popular contestants, “drugs” and “lover”!  Both changed.

#higurashi #higurashi no naku koro ni

[thetomarrylibrary]

An Assortment of HPLV/HPTR Recs

Some random recs are under the cut. :D My thanks to the Squad(TM) for suggestions!

Harry Potter and the Fuck Boy Dark Lord by TheLastNero | 7K | WIP | Explicit

Upon discovering his archenemy is actually a horcrux in the graveyard following his resurrection, Voldemort decides to create a different plan for his domination of Wizarding Britain. What he did not account for was his horcrux being so... desirable, nor how difficult it would be to finally get a piece of that ass.

The Emerald Connection by TheLastNero | 57K | WIP | Explicit

What binds Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort together goes deeper than a simple prophecy. As Harry struggles to learn the true nature of their bond, he eventually discovers the true prophecy that was hidden from him. Whether he chooses to accept it or fight it, he must act or risk losing everything he's already fought for and everything that could have been. Is this connection a gift, possibly enabling him to prevent a war and save those that matter most to him? Or is it a curse, a burden to bear, to weigh him down and enslave his very being?

The Impossibility of Parallels by Angel_of_Mysteries | 16K | WIP | Mature

Harry Potter by day, Hadrian Peverell at night. Two sides of the same coin; one a Gryffindor destined to defeat the darkest wizard of all time, and the other a Slytherin trying to prevent the future at any cost.

It's impossible to live in two times at once, though, and bad things happen to wizards that meddle with the past.

As Harry's sixth year in school draws to a close and the lines between both worlds blur, Harry realizes that sooner or later he'll have to choose between the life he's always known and one he shouldn't want to live.

Before it's too late.

In Between the Cracks (I See) by Katsitting (Nekositting)  | 41K | Complete | Explicit

It made him pause, unsure and pensive as to how this particular piece was left untouched by the atrophy that had consumed every other thing in the room. Golden lanterns and silver jewelry had all been made the home of tenacious bugs and vermin―forgotten by owners long since dead, but not abandoned by the whims of decay.

But the mirror was unspoiled, radiating a kind of elegance that made Harry’s lungs feel tight with awe.

The Fall by Lostfadingthoughts  | 24K | WIP | Mature

A last minute desperation causes the downfall and kidnapping of Harry Potter. Instead of killing him, Voldemort decides to keep him but why won't he talk to Harry? Why does that bother Harry at all? Alternate route from the Forbidden Forest scene. Rated M for later chapters. Harrymort. A slight bit of Drarry. Torture to come, please be aware.

The Man in the Diary by Reneehart  | 28K | WIP | Teen

Harry pulls the diary from Ginny's cauldron after having seen Malfoy slip it inside.

It was something so simple. Something so unassuming, so innocent seeming. It was just a book after all, and what harm could ever come from a book?

What We May Be by darklordtomarry (das_omen)  | WIP | 89K | Mature

The pureblood nobility are known as the Sacred 27 and they have ruled magical Britain without a monarch for centuries.

Lord Thomas Slytherin has appeared out of nowhere with a strong claim to the throne; he has aroused the interest of the nation, and of Harry Potter; A seventh year Slytherin who occasionally works as an information broker. Like everyone else Harry wants to know more about Lord Slytherin, but will he like what he discovers?

The Night He Left by VanillaGhost  | 28K | WIP | Mature

After waking up in a forest to discover he’s been missing for twelve days, Harry must recover his memory if he’s to believe an old enemy and the little girl who show up the next day claiming to be his husband and daughter of nine years.

Kaleidoscope by RenderedReversed  | 28K | WIP | Teen

In a world where the only dark lord of the 20th century was Gellert Grindelwald, Harry Potter finds his soulmate: the intelligent, supercilious, enigmatic Tom Riddle, a man fifty-four years his senior.

The Librarian by ValloryRussups  | 14K | WIP | Mature

A wrong choice at the train station throws Harry into another universe where Tom Riddle is a Headmaster. He decides to spy on the bastard and, wait, is the vacancy of the Hogwarts librarian open?

He just doesn’t expect the library to be alive.

Or: a young man’s tale of riddles, friendship, old ways, and magical books that are more sentient than a book should be.

Smiles of Plated Gold by leontina (Leontina)  | 20K | WIP | Explicit

When Harry is four he is sent back to the year 1932 where he is adopted by Gellert Grindelwald. Harry grows up with his loving father and housekeeper, Percival, and attends Durmstrang where his father encourages his studying of Dark Magic. Harry's world falls apart when Dumbledore defeats Grindelwald, and Harry vows to get revenge and collect the Deathly Hallows for his father. He travels to Britain from Hungary, where he meets a beautiful boy named Tom, who has his own mysterious Dark side.

Pick Your Poison by TanninTele  | 14K | WIP | Mature

In a world with no magic, Harry Potter is dragged along to galas and events to serve as a pretty face beside his schmoozing Uncle Vernon. Tonight's gala promised to be as miserable as the last - until Harry notices a member of the Minister's secret police slipping poison into the glass of Thomas Riddle; leader of an underground criminal operation.

Thrown into a world of politics, assassination attempts and devastatingly handsome aristocrats, Harry must decide to fight for what's right . . . or succumb to his fatal attraction.

Beautiful Crime by DandelionAdrian  | 500 words | Complete | Not rated

Harry Potter was always destined to be Voldemort’s soulmate. No matter who he was then, or now.

The Glass Serpent and the Dark Horse by KaedeRavensdale | 85K | WIP | Mature

In which Tom Riddle Senior never could fully put Merope’s claims of being pregnant out of his mind and set out to bring his child home, unwittingly changing the fate of both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds and laying waste to the machinations of a certain scheming old man.

The Dark Lord Inside by Melodramaticx | 56K | WIP | Explicit

If he had been anyone but Harry Potter, he might have thought he was dreaming. But apparently, having the past conscience of the most evil wizard alive stuck in your mind was an everyday occurrence for the Boy Who Lived.

His Twenty-Eighth Life by Lomonaaeren | 26K | WIP | Mature

Harry Potter has been reborn again and again into new bodies as the Master of Death, some of them not human, none of them exactly like his old one—but he has always helped to defeat Voldemort in each new world. Now he’s Harry Potter again, but his slightly older brother is the target of the prophecy, and Harry assumes his role is going to be to support Jonathan in his defeat of Voldemort. At least, that’s what he thinks until Voldemort comes that Halloween night, discovers what Harry is, and kidnaps him. The story of a long fight between Voldemort’s sadism and Harry’s generosity.

Prized by Nahiel | 83K | WIP | Mature

Severus Snape's loyalty has always been to Harry, not to Dumbledore or the Order. When he finds out that Harry is a horcrux and Dumbledore intends to have him killed, Severus goes to the Dark Lord with the information in an effort to save Harry's life, and in doing so changes the fate of the world.

The Flaw in the Plan by Little.Miss.Xanda | 3k | Complete | T

In the end, Harry could do nothing but surrender.

Una Animarum by whitedandelions  | 12k | WIP | Teen

For each person, there’s another holding the other half of your soul. It was foretold in the legends after all, that a soul was split into two and each half given to a human. And they always find one another, in each and every lifetime. But sometimes, when a soul breaks, the connection is lost.

Harry is born with the ability to see souls and their connections to one another. In a world, ravaged by Voldemort's takeover and dictatorship, it's hard to take advantage of this ability since no one in power would ever listen to him. But, it soon becomes evident that his ability to see souls may be the one thing to save Voldemort from his horcruxes and thus, Wizarding society as a whole from the incoming threat of the Muggles.

Charity, Thou Art a Lie by Nocturnememory  | 300K | WIP | Explicit

A story of obsession, lust, love and a monster who can't be named.

Harrie learns the word mother at school, her aunt sneers at the word. "She’s dead, you don’t have a mother."

A Sky Far Away by SeaDreaming  | 133K | WIP | Explicit

Harry is mysteriously sent back in time on the night his parents are murdered, without any knowledge that he's from the future. He ends up in 1927 and is found on the doorstep of Wool's Orphanage. Growing up in an orphanage is never easy, especially when the resident bully, Tom Riddle, hates him for no apparent reason. It doesn't help that Harry can see into Tom's mind and he's often haunted by strange dreams. It isn't until several years later that they start to notice different feelings for each other, and even then they still have many challenges to face — such as Harry suddenly being thrown back into his own time. How will he adjust to the future and finding out what really happened to his parents? More importantly, what will happen to him and Tom? TMR/HP slash.

Reaching Through Time by Ethril  | 45K | WIP | Not Rated

When two abused souls cry out for each other, not even Time can keep them a part. But time travel is tricky and one can not stay in the past forever without suffering terribly.

Abused by his relatives, a young Harry Potter finds a way to escape for brief moments. He finds himself far away from the people that are supposed to protect him and spending time with another with an equally painful past. But eventually he is always forced to return to his relatives on Privet Drive.

Abused by other children and neglected by adults Tom Riddle has grown cold and is disgusted by the vast majority of people. That is until one day he comes across a softly crying child with beautiful deep green eyes. He is amazed by how this boy appears and disappears from his life and finds himself growing protective of him.

But Time is fickle and one can not stay in the past for very long. Death will come for one or both of them in time.

Stab Right Through by Yuudan  | 10k | WIP | Teen

Getting lost in old memories is a dangerous thing for anyone, but in Harry's case the whole situation is slightly more literal than usual, and - as it always tends to be - much, much worse.

Hidden In Plain Sight by kmoaton  | 4K | WIP | Mature

Secrets have a way of destroying everything when they finally break free. LV/HP

#tomarry #harrymort #hplv #hptr #recs #four for you glen coco! #you go glen coco!

[calledchaos]

VILLANELLE IS NOT A PSYCHOPATH, IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

Okay, so Killing Eve is currently my favorite TV show, but there's one thing that's been bothering me since season one and it's the INCORRECT assumption that Villanelle is a psychopath.

First things first, please note I'm not a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, but I've done a lot of research for this show (if you listen to the parcast's Serial Killers podcast, you saw what I did there 💁🏾‍♂️).

While I don't know a lot about hired assassins, I do have a fair amount of knowledge on serial killers and their traits. So let's break Villanelle's character down so I can explain why I don't believe she's a psychopath OR sociopath, for that matter.

Actually, before we even to that, let's clarify WHAT IS a psychopath. For starters, the correct medical term used, as in, when you get diagnosed it's not as a psy/sociopath but rather as having antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). A person with ASPD can be born like that (that's what we usually call a psychopath) or can become like that (that's the sociopath). Their main difference is that psychopaths are most likely to be organized and calculating, whereas sociopaths are more "react in the moment" type, they're sloppy and messy.

Here's some patterns of ASPD:

* Superficial charm;

* Dishonesty;

* Lack of empathy;

* Coldness;

* Inability to form honest relationships;

* Poverty of emotions;

* They don't think through the consequences of their actions and they don't care about them either.

* They break rules, laws, moral codes, etc.

Now you're probably going like "well, you just described V before she met Eve", BUT NO, my dear fellow gay, NO. What really sorts a person with ASPD out is their inability to FEEL REMORSE.

They CANNOT FEEL IT. It's been scientific proven that their brains are wired in a different way than the regular human. If they're in a relationship it isn't based on love, but rather some kind of profit, whether it's financial or sexual, or whatever. If they're with you it's because they WANT something FROM you. They don't form relations as in "I vs You", but rather as "I vs It".

Now what normally shapes a person's personality besides their nature it's their nurture. Villanelle grew up in a toxic home with an abusive mother. That's like... mental illness starter pack (a very familiar field for tumblr users, ain't it? Have you taken your meds today btw?). Did yall see her mother? It's pretty easy to understand why she looks for validation so desperately and why she's attracted to older women with wild hair. Mommy issues at its finest.

Now to be diagnosed with ASPD a person necessarily needs to also be diagnosed with conduct disorder before the age of 15. For what we've learned, Villanelle was a difficult child and she did set the orphanage she was living in on fire, which is one of the patterns to qualify her. But if you suffer from some kind of abuse at an early age, you will act out, one way or another. They didn't make it clear, but I don't believe she used to torture animals and commit petty crimes when she was a kid, and those are the most common behaviors of children with conduct disorder. So if she didn't behave like that, she couldn't be diagnosed with ASPD after she turned 18.

When she killed Anna's husband it was from a place of jealousy, which's pretty common for female murderers, you don't have to be a psychopath for that, could very much be a crime of passion. His castration, however, indicates she perhaps needed to set a ritual to get her point across - which she repeated when she murdered Frank, but then again that was staging the body to shock Eve... Did she want to shock Anna as well or did she want to emasculate the husband? Honestly, I don't remember what that was about. BUT had her not be recruited by the Twelve, would she had killed again? She seems to be questioning that herself and from where I'm standing, I'd say maybe no. Because SHE ISN'T A SERIAL KILLER. I mean, now she is by definition, considering she's killed a ton of people, BUT LIKE serial killers kill because that's all they know, that's the only thing that brings them fulfillment and even that it's a tricky statement, because MALE serial killers kill for satisfaction; FEMALE serial killers normally kill for profit, like a tool to reach their goal. There are very few female serial killers that I know of that kill for the sake of it or even less so, for sexual gratification.

It's difficult to follow a pattern with a character, because you don't know how accurate the writer intended to be or how vast is their knowledge on people with ASPD, but because she has shown empathy for various characters so far (Konstantin, that kid she killed in the hospital so he wouldn't have to live without his family, her brothers...) and also because she fell in love with Eve, she CAN'T have ASPD. I mean, sure when it comes to human behavior nothing is 100% certain. Gary Ridgway, aka The Green River Killer, was convicted for murdering 48 women, but by the time he was caught he was married to a woman who pretty much said he was a great, loving and caring husband and he did say he actually loved her too, but he kept soliciting service from sex workers and killing them afterwards.

The thing is, specialists say that killing can be addictive. Though I don't consider Villanelle a psychopath, I'm okay with her having psychopathic tendencies. When she said she doesn't feel anything, she's just so bored, remember? It could very much be the reason why she got stuck in killing. Her first kill, Anna's husband, got her in jail where she would've stayed if it wasn't for the 12 recruiting her. They taught her how to do the job and I believe that gave her some kind of fulfillment. It made her finally feel something and that's why she kept killing. She had to learn how to disassociate herself from what she was doing in order to keep doing it. People became just subjects. But once she felt connected with Eve, that all started to crumble down.

Okay, so the first two seasons we don't see her really loving Eve, we see her obsessing over her. And that's pretty easy to crack: there was a middle aged woman with beautiful hair dedicating her days to find Villanelle. For someone who so desperately needed reassurance and attention, that was probably a burst of excitement she wasn't used to feeling.

The game changer happened in season 3, though. That scene when Konstantin told her Eve was still alive was SO WELL DONE. The camera angle tilting to the side, the slow motion, Konstantin's voice fading away. You can actually see in her eyes she's SPIRALING and that single tear rolling down her face while she smiled... IT'S A GOOD SCENE. I think in that moment she realized her feelings for Eve were a lot deeper than just her need to have someone to control and play with. She learned that her actions almost made her lose the one person she actually loves and probably also actually loves her back and she doesn't want to blow the miraculous second chance she got.

Since she thought she had killed Eve she was even emptier inside and killing wasn't giving her satisfaction anymore, but the thought of Eve surviving made her burst with emotions. She didn't need to kill anyone now, she just wanted Eve back.

Needless to say that's NOT how ASPD works. They're literally incapable of these kind of feelings. SO the pattern I THINK fits better is NARCISSISM.

Now, see... There are 10 personality disorders divided in three groups: clusters A, B and C. Antisocial Personality Disorder is one of the four disorders in cluster B and withing this group their common trait is narcissism.

There are two kinds of narcissists, the one that concerns us here are the ones that are charming, confident, they'll do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if means emotionally abusing their peers, manipulation, lying, cheating... They think they're the very apex of the world, people that only know them on the surface love them, they're the life of the party and yada yada yada. They're normally very successful, because when you don't care about people around you, you will climb to the top way faster (most - if not all - CEOs are narcissists btw). You're gonna noticed that this description is pretty similar to ASPD, but the big difference here is that narcissists CAN FEEL REMORSE AND SHAME, people with ASPD CANNOT.

BUT being a narcissist doesn't mean you have a personality disorder, it just means you're probably a fucking jerk. What will give you a diagnosis though is when your narcissistic behavior causes you impediments. When it causes you trouble in all areas of your life, professional, personal, familiar, etc., when it makes you miserable it's when you can be diagnosed with another cluster B disorder: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

It is incredibly difficult to diagnose someone with NPD, because these people very rarely see themselves as having a problem. Like I said, they normally live their best lives, no need to change anything. So when it comes back to bite them in the ass (which sometimes never happens, because the universe is unfair) and if by a miracle they realize that THEY are the problem, that's when you get a NPD ticket. If you're following my thought process you know where I'm going with this...

VILLANELLE ISN'T A PSYCHOPATH, SHE'S A NARCISSIST WHO DEVELOPT NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.

While being an assassin was giving her everything she wanted, Villanelle was just fine with her nice life, cool flat and fun job. The only thing she was lacking was someone to watch movies with and being a narcissist she thought she had to control someone in order to be loved by them (narcissists are actually very insecure, that's why they're so extra with the manipulation, they don't deal with rejection well). Once she felt actual feelings, when she realized how her explosive ways almost costed Eve's life, that's when she understood that her actions took her to a place she didn't quite like anymore and if she wanted to have a another shot and do things right, she needed to change.

In real life people with NPD need a lot of therapy and even so, they won't impruve much tbh, 'cause that's just how their brains work. But for the sake of the poetry, I'm more than okay with accepting that Villaneve's connection is so strong it made an skilled narcissist assassin to come down from her high horse to put Eve as a priority. Villanelle giving Eve the option to walk away for good to have a better stable life away from the chaos their feelings for each other created is probably the most romantic thing I've ever seen and I can rant about that season 3 finale for hours too, don't try me.

#There's probably a lot of grammar errors in this I apologize in advance English is not my first language #Also it's a LONG rant if you read until the end you're a keeper #And probably have a lot of free time in your hands #Jodie and Sandra's acting is so good I could go on and on about all their facial expressions #Also there's a lot more about cluster B to dig into I just scratched the surface #Killing Eve #Villaneve #Villanelle #eve polastri #oksana astankova #Personality disorder #Antisocial personality disorder #Narcissistic personality disorder #ASPD #NPD #Narcissism #Cluster b #Mental illness #Sandra oh #Jodie Comer

[miserelysia]

So I watched the Netflix Death Note adaptation...

And I did a liveblog because that’s how I cope with bad adaptations of things I love. It’s pretty long but so was the movie. Also swearing.

HERE WE GO~

- Setting: Seattle. I'd say you already failed, Netflix, but I was prepared for this. And alright, so we have a re-imagining of Deathnote. - Our hero creepily hangs out right behind cheerleader practice and does homework, awesome - also he a nerd who does other people's homework and judges them - cool - chick who smokes and gives him eyes is Mia - and Light doesn't know how to smile - well it really does seem like Ryuk CHOSE him in this version instead of just randomly throwing his Death Note down to earth - why are we all afraid of rain we're in SEATTLE - super awkward, tortured troubled nerdy white boy, gotcha - ...light are you not reading the other rules. that's kind of important. THERE ARE RULES FOR A REASON. - oh shit it's time for willem dafoe's big debue - HI FRIENDDDD - LMAO LIGHT'S SCREAM - I MEAN, RELATABLE BUT - RIDICULOUS - why didn't they just name him Larry ffs "Light" just sounds weird for an American kid - I'm gonna call him Larry - okay let's jump right to DECAPITATION LOL DAMN SON - DAAAMMMMNNNN SON - THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF HORROR I WAS LOOKING FOR IN THIS MOVIE - OMG LARRY U KILLED KENNY - way to trash the classroom Ryuk - what happened to my friendly bored shinigami - he got Americanized(TM) - LARRY YOU GOTTA READ THE WHOLE TERMS & CONDITIONS ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS FFS BOY - i mean granted we don't have the whole terms & conditions because they weren't all written out in the manga - or were they?  i never read them - bUT THEN I WASN'T THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO FUCKING DECAPITATE PEOPLE BY WRITING THEIR NAME DOWN - thank you Ryuk for giving the correct pronunciation of your name - so either Ryuk is lying about the rules of the Death Note, saying it HAS to belong to a human, orrrrrr this is another Adaptation Thing - okay well Larry definitely isn't any Light Yagami but his character is.... pretty realistic for a Troubled White Boy(TM) - just wondering how the heck Larry is gonna be smart enough to avoid detection - also is he going to take a chip and eat it - lol damn how'd you know Antony was at a dinner party, Larry? - AWWWWWW HIS DAD LOVES HIM YAY - okay Ryuk's design is..... okay - LARRY WHY R U BRINGIN IT TO SCHOOL - AND WHY ARE YOU SITTING IN THE BLEACHERS DURING GYM??? - or are you creeping on cheerleaders again boy wtf - "you saw a guy decapitated? damn that's hot" mia what's wrong with u - LMAO YEAH SURE SHOW HER THE DEATH NOTE????? - OKAY - ugggghhhh come on, anyone who TOUCHES the death note can see Ryuk not just the keeper. why change that rule???? you could have so many more amazing "HOLY SHIT AN 8 FOOT TALL DEMON?!?!?!??" scenes - "i have a death god" well i'm glad they're not trying to make everyone say "shinigami" the whole time - "you of all people want to see this" HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT CAN YOU TELL SHE'S A SOCIOPA--okay granted, she did talk about wanting to see Kenny's decapitation - "you snot-nosed little douchebag" that is.... such a tame insult for a guy who's holding a gun to a lady??? - um why was that rogue SWAT truck just driving through at top speed you can't control other people i thought??? - also why did he just fuckin EXPLODE when it hit him like a damn garbage bag damn Netflix - holy shit Mia what's your damage why are you so hype about this - lmaoooo nerdy virgin boyyyyy - no longer a virgin boyyyy - having weird sociopathic sexytimes with his weird sociopathic girlfriendddd - white boy saviour complex is go - AYYYY GOD COMPLEX IS GO - time to get busyyyyyyy KILLING PEOPLE - um did you really target EVERYONE IN A NIGHTCLUB WTF BOI SOME OF THEM WEREN'T EVIL - or are they just saying someone shot up the whole place BUT YOUR VICTIM'S ACTIONS CAN'T RESULT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S DEATH I THOUGHT??? - i do like that L is a black man - why is Watari kinda creepy - AWWWWW GOOD THEY KEPT THE CANDY OBSESSION - "you'd kill him? you'd kill him for me???" omg mia seriously WHAT IS UR DAMAGE - my precious boy L and his rainbow candies - this is all i wanted. quirky L dealing with the police - HE'S PRECIOUSSS - OOOOOHHHHHH BURNNNNNNN"CHILD WEILDING POWER HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND" - "now i'm rooting for this guy" THANK YOU RYUK, ME TOO - i'm in love i love L I'm rooting for him too - u gonna kill ur dad larry? - "i think you can tell when you're sitting across froma killer like kira" he says to his CLEARLY SOCIOPATHIC SON - mia U HAVE ISSUES WHYYYYYYYYY - r u serious - relationship issues now too - da fuq - how is mia EVEN WORSE OF A PERSON THAN LARRY - HOLY SHIT GIRL - THE ENTIRE DAMN TEAAAMMMMMM - omg larry it was MIA not ryuk - seriously are you serious are you saying it's ryuk are u FUCKING SHITTING ME NO - "just making sure you hadn't died" lmao thanks L for ur concern - "light turner is kira" okay then L, i mean i guess we had to make the conflict go fast but okay - "i don't do check, only checkmate" nice - "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MEEEEE" lmao larry you aren't light - "you're the one who flew into the sun, I'm just here to make sure you actually burn" I LOVE U, L - U NEED HIS FULL FUCKING NAME NOT JUST WATARI. FUCK YOU DID THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THIS NOT READ THE DAMN MANGA - I'M SO ANGRY THIS IS SO POINTLESS - L IS SO SAD -MY BOY - BBY - HIS FRIEND IS GONE - lmao this got overdramatic real friggin fast - r u serious MIA IS A MUCH BETTER LIGHT THAN LARRY IS - LIKE THE ORPHANAGE WOULD JUST LEAVE THEIR INFO LYING AROUND???? - AND WHY HAS L NOT REALIZED WHERE LARRY WOULD SENT WATARI IT'S SO OBVIOUS - DA FUQ IS WRONG WITH THESE CHARACTERS - why is there cell reception in that place - why did that guy kill him THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS??? - WHY DID KNOWING WATARI'S FUCKIN NOT EVEN REAL NAME WORK - AND IT WAS POINTLESS - POINTLESS LOW QUALITY BADLY RESEARCHED WRITING - Larry u fuckin idiot you don't deserve to be Light and I need the plot twist to be that the death note was actually mia's all along - "you don't get to feel superior for being a pussy" omg mia - hot damn she killed everyone - HOLY SHIT SHE GONNA KILL HIMMMMMMM - HOLY SHIT - MIA - HOLY SHIT - HOLY SHIT - "now go get my goddamn book" HOLY SHIT - I LOVE THISSSSSSS IT'S WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG - BADASS GIRL IS A BETTER LIGHT THAN LARRY FOR REAL - L MY PRECIOUS BABY I'M SORRY - ummmmmmm larry you could just burn the page urself u know??? - car chase & foot chase nice added unnecessary drama - Y U HIT L IN THE HEAD RANDOM MAN THAT'S NOT NICE - "NOW GIVE ME MY FUCKING BOOK OKAY" HOLY SHIT MIA - LMAO HE PUT HER NAME IN - LMAO TAKIN DOWN THE WHOLE FUCKIN FERRIS WHEEL - "I TAKE IT BACK" LMAO LARRY U CAN'T - RYUK WHAT THE FUQ - LMAO AND HIS HEART IS GONNA STOP AT MIDNIGHT WHILE HE'S HOLDING HER RIGHT - SUCKS FOR YOU MIA - oh oop no she falls instead - SHE REALLY LIKED THAT BOOK I GUESS??? - BYE KIDS - oh nice image with the flowers exploding - "innocence destroyed~" or w/e guys please she was already a crazy sociopathic monster - R U SERIOUS THE ONE PAGE - THE ONE PAGE WITH HIS NAME - FALLS PERFECTLY INTO THE FLAMES - FOR REAL - WHO IS MYSTERIOUS MAN????? - great yeah just put the death note on his chest and then the nurse can find it - why'd he magically wake up from a coma - why is no one responding to his increased vitals - YEAH U KILLED UR GIRLFRIEND WAY TO GO - i mean she sorta killed herself but - oh wait nope he actually killed her - wow - so that last bit of plotting almost earned you the right to be called Light, Larry - but not quite - anD WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ENDING IS THAT??!?!?! - I HATE OPEN ENDINGS - LARRY IS ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT - I DECIDED IT. LARRY DIES. - EXCEPT THAT MAKES L A KILLER - BUT L'S CHARACTER HAS ALREADY CHANGED DRASTICALLY SO... - YEAH, LARRY DIES - i mean the other option is that his dad's like "wtf" and locks him up forever - but then American Ryuk just gives the Death Note to someone else and now that Kira is a thing they'll think it's up to them or something??? - who knows - whatever - i'm done with this weird ass convoluted mess. - well the beginning of the credits was cute at least, with the bloopers and the fun times

Okay this wasn't a complete waste of time but they absolutely lost me as an adaptation at the point where Larry was able to control Watari wITHOUT KNOWING HIS FULL DAMN NAME I MEAN COME ON THAT'S WHY HE'S CALLED WATARI. Also constantly screaming "THERE ARE SO MANY RULES" like hey maybe you should take the time to read them Larry wtf is wrong with you. L losing it was interesting but man I miss the calm, 5-steps-ahead-of-each-other cat and mouse of the actual Death Note. I think I'm gonna go watch that now.

#netflix #death note #light yagami #aka larry turner #netflix death note #liveblog