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prettymindset111 · 1 year

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at your command by neville goddard highlights

the awareness of being is the door through which the manifestations of life pass into the world of form.

This is the truth that makes man free, for man is always self-im- prisoned or self-freed.

If you are dissatisfied with your present expression of life the only way to change it, is to take your attention away from that which seems so real to you and rise in consciousness to that which you desire to be. You cannot serve two masters, therefore to take your attention from one state of consciousness and place it upon another is to die to one and life to the other.

The second, as we are told in the story of Mary, is to “Magnify the Lord.” We have identified the Lord as your awareness of being. Therefore, to 'magnify the Lord' is to revalue or expand one's present conception of one's self to the point where this revaluation becomes natural. When this naturalness is attained you give birth by becoming that which you areone with in consciousness. The story of creation is given us in digest form in the first chapter of John. “In the beginning was the word.” Now, this very second, is the 'beginning' spoken of. It is the beginning of an urge – a desire. 'The word' is the de- sire swimming around in your consciousness – seeking embodiment. The urge of itself has no reality, for, “I AM” or the awareness of being is the only reality. Things live only as long as I am aware of being them; so to realize one's desire, the second line of this first verse of John must be ap- plied. That is, “And the word was with God.” The word, or desire, must be fixed or united with consciousness to give it reality. The awareness be- comes aware of being the thing desired, thereby nailing itself upon the form or conception – and giving life unto its conception – or resurrecting that which was heretofore a dead or unfulfilled desire. “Two shall agree as touching anything and it shall be established on earth.”

You are ever sent into expres- sion by your awareness and your expression is ever that which you are aware of being.

To do this you take your attention away from all that is now your problem or limitation and dwell upon just being. That is; you say silently but feelingly to yourself, “I AM.” Do not condition this 'awareness' as yet. Just declare yourself to be, and continue to do so, until you are lost in the feeling of just being – faceless and form- less. When this expansion of consciousness is attained, then, within this formless deep of yourself give form to the new conception by FEELING yourself to be THAT which you desire to be.

The only way to change your expressions of life is to change your con- sciousness. For consciousness is the reality that eternally solidifies itselfin the things round about you. Man's world in its every detail is his con- sciousness out-pictured. You can no more change your environment, or world, by destroying things than you can your reflection by destroying the mirror. Your environment, and all within it, reflects that which you are in consciousness. As long as you continue to be that in consciousness so long will you continue to out-picture it in your world.

you can only be to others what you are first to yourself.

but as your true self, a faceless, formless awareness, and free yourself from your self- imprisoned prison.

That is why it is constantly recorded that Jesus left the world of manifes- tation and ascended unto his father. Jesus, as you and I, found all tings impossible to Jesus, as man. But having discovered his father to be the state of consciousness of the thing desired, he but left behind him the “Jesus consciousness” and rose in consciousness to that state desired and stood upon it until he became one with it. As he made himself one with that, he became that in expression.

Just as a branch has no life except it be rooted in the vine, so likewise things have no life except you be conscious of them. Just as a branch withers and dies if the sap of the vine ceases to flow towards it, so do things in your world pass away if you take your attention from them, be- cause your attention is as the sap of life that keeps alive and sustainsthe things of your world. To dissolve a problem that now seems so real to you all that you do is re- move your attention from it. In spite of it seeming reality, turn from it in consciousness.

Become indifferent and begin to feel yourself to be that which would be the solution of the problem.

For instance; if you were imprisoned, no man would have to tell you that you should desire freedom. Freedom, or rather the desire of freedom would be automatic. So why look behind the four walls of your prison bars? Take your attention from being imprisoned and begin to feel your- self to be free. FEEL it to the point where it is natural – the very second you do so, those prison bars will dissolve. Apply this same principle toany problem.

I have seen people who were in debt up to their ears apply this principle and in the twinkling of an eye debts that were mountainous were re- moved. I have seen those whom doctors had given up as incurable take their attention away from their problem of disease and being to feel themselves to be well in spite of the evidence of their senses to the con-trary. In no time at all this so-called “incurable disease” vanished and left no scar.

“I am” is he that will save you. If you are hungry, your savior is food. If you are poor, your savior is riches. If you are imprisoned, your savior is freedom. If you are diseased, it will not be a man called Jesus who will save you, but health will become your savior. Therefore, claim “I am health,” in other words, claim yourself to be the thing desired. Claim it in consciousness – not in words – and consciousness will reward you with your claim. You are told, “You shall find me when you FEEL after me.” Well, FEEL after that quality in consciousness until you FEEL yourself to be it. When you lose yourself in the feeling of being it, the quality will em- body itself in your world.

“For I am not a God afar off. I am nearer than your hands and feet – nearer than your very breathing.” I am your awareness of being. I am that in which all that I shall ever be aware of being shall begin andend. “For before the world was I AM; and when the world shall cease to be, I AM; before Abraham was, I AM.” This I AM is your awareness.

“Except the Lord build the house they labor in vain that build it.” 'The Lord,' being your consciousness, except that which you seek is first estab- lished in your consciousness, you will labor in vain to find it. All things must being and end in consciousness.

Put not your trust in men for men but reflect the being that you are, and can only bring to you or do unto you that which you have first done unto yourself.

Man has always blamed others for that which he is and will continue todo so until he finds himself as the cause of all. “I AM” comes not to destroy but to fulfill. “I AM,” the awareness within you, destroys bother but ever fills full the molds or conceptions one has of one's self.

Life does not care whether you call yourself rich or poor; strong or weak. It will eternally reward you with that which you claim as true of yourself .

Such acceptance of your desire is like dropping seed – fertile seed – into prepared soil. For when you can drop the thing desired in consciousness, confident that it shall appear, you have done all that is expected of you. But, to be worried or concerned about the HOW of your desire maturing is to hold these fertile seeds in a mental grasp, and, therefore, never to have dropped them in the soil of confidence.

If you would catch that which is beyond your present capacity you must launch out into deeper waters, for, within your present consciousness such fish or desires cannot swim. To launch out into deeper waters, you leave behind you all that is now your present problem, or limitation, by taking your ATTENTION AWAY from it.

Another story is told us; of the widow and the three drops of oil. The prophet asked the widow, “What have ye in your house?” And shereplied, “Three drops of oil.” He then said to her, “Go borrow vessels. Close the door after ye have returned into your house and begin to pour.” And she poured from three drops of oil into all the borrowed vessels, filling them to capacity with oil remaining.

You, the reader, are this widow. You have not a husband to impregnate you or make you fruitful, for a 'widow' is a barren state. Your awareness is now the Lord – or the prophet that has become your husband. Follow the example of the widow, who instead of recognizing an emptiness or noth- ingness, recognized the something – three drops of oil.

Then the command to her, “Go within and close the door,” that is shut the door of the senses that tell you of the empty measures, the debts, the problems.

Recognition is the power that conjures in the world. Every state that you have ever recognized, you have embodied. That which you are recogniz- ing as true of yourself today is that which you are experiencing. So be as the widow and recognize joy, no matter how little the beginnings of recog- nition, and you will be generously rewarded – for the world is a magnified mirror, magnifying everything that you are conscious of being.

“I AM the Lord the God, which has brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage; thou shalt have not her gods before me.” What a glorious revelation, your awareness now revealed as the Lord thy God! Come, awake from your dream of being imprisoned. Realize thatthe earth is yours, “and the fullness thereof; the world, and all that dwells therein.”

You have become so enmeshed in the belief that you are man that you have forgotten the glorious being that you are. Now with your memory re- stored DECREE the unseen to appear and it SHALL appear, for all things are compelled to respond to the Voice of God, Your Awareness of Being – the world is AT YOUR COMMAND!

#law of assumption #neville goddard

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deathbyyoongx · 10 months

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everytime; chapter 5 — myg

╭ chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ...

╭ word count: 6.6k

╭ summary: Everyone knew Min Yoongi as the guy who wouldn't say no to a nice pair of tits. His cocky attitude and stunning looks made it hard for most girls to resist. And even though you would like to say you're not like the others in that aspect, you unfortunately happened to be his ex. But even though you despised his guts for the last 3 years or so, he somehow managed to find himself a way between your legs on one semi-drunk night.

╭ pairing: fuckboy!yoongi x ex!reader

╭ genre: smut, angst, bit of fluff, more smut

╭ warnings: enemies to fwb, dom!yoongi, sub!reader, jealous ex!jungkook, bestfriend!jimin, hate sex, yoongi has a degrading kink but so does yn, brat taming, hair pulling, spitting, slapping, hickeys, choking, unprotected sex (STAY SAFE GUYS!), creampie, praise kink, hand kink, possessive yoongi, sexual content ofc, mentions of drinking, ...

╭ author's note: this fic is inspired by the song everytime by ariana grande. I also recommend using the chrome extension InteractiveFics for a better reading experience ;)

I know it's been a while since I updated this fic, but when I tell you a lot happened with me this year, I really mean it lol. But hey, I'm back :) <3 I haven't reread this chapter, so there may be typos.

03/08/2023

“Taehyung has been snoring the whole night, I can’t.” Jimin complained as he took another bite of his sandwich.

“I’m sorry I have a stuffy nose.” Taehyung pouted, his mouth still full of food.

Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin have been roommates ever since college. At first, they shared a place to cut the budget of their rent, but now they are just too lazy to search for something else. Even though, I think they enjoy living together and just use it as an excuse now.

Jimin took a sip of his drink. “Jungkook slept through the night though.”

Taehyung waited for you to add something to the conversation, but he noticed your absent mind ever since you guys lunched together. “You don’t seem excited to see us.” He frowned.

You snapped out of your thoughts, quickly shaking your head in disagreement. “I am just-“ You couldn’t find words to add.

“I see you recovered quickly from being sick.” Jimin said, lips curled into a smirk, making it very clear to you that he knew it was just bullshit.

Taehyung took a bite of his sandwich. “Yeah, I heard you were very sweaty.” He said innocently, not knowing the underlining truth behind Jimin’s comment.

“I…was indeed, yes.”

Jimin thought for a second, wondering if he should say what he was about to say. “I don’t want to be that guy, but you should really talk with Jungkook. The guy has been very on edge lately.”

Of course, Jungkook again. “It’s not my fault he’s like that.” Even though it felt like it was though. And the more you started to think about it, it really felt like your fault.

“Yeah, I know. But the least you could do is text him a ‘leave me alone’ instead of not responding at all.” Jimin explained. Ever since Hoseok’s party, You started to respond very drily or not even at all to Jungkook’s texts. You really had no good excuse as to why you’ve been so absent lately, especially since Jungkook knew your work schedule. ‘You’ve never been so busy, do you have a new hobby?’ Areone of the things he would ask you. Sometimes you just wanted to text him a quick and short ‘shut up’, but that would just add more fuel to the fire.

He had a point.

“I will.” Even though you said you would, you were still not sure if you’d actually do it. Jungkook had the habit to keep asking questions and you were not a great liar. And the more he’d ask, the more suspicious he’d get about what truly happened that night.

Taehyung noticed that there was a lot on your mind. “If you want to, you can come over to our place tonight. We’re going to watch that weird movie that Jin has been suggesting for the last few weeks.” He suggested, hoping it would get your mind off of things for a moment.

However, his question made the nerves kick in. “I-uhm can’t.” Clearing your throat as you said that, before taking a quick sip of your water.

Jimin narrowed his eyes, feeling a bit suspicious. “How come?”

Help me find the right excuse, someone. “I have uhm-plans.”

“Why are you stuttering so much?” Taehyung asked innocently as usual.

“With whom?” Jimin asked, but his gut feeling already knew with whom.

You just started to play with the leftover food on your plate, twirling it around with your finger like a toddler, not looking at either one of the boys. “Just…someone.” The silence after you denied to give any more information became a bit too unbearable for you. You sighed and looked up to look at them. “You’re not letting me leave until I tell you, huh?”

“Of course not.” They said in unison.

You hesitated for a sec. “Just don’t go around telling everyone, alright?”

“Come one y/n, we’re not teenagers anymore.” Jimin said to convince you.

“Okay…”It’s no big deal, right y/n? You’re just going out with your ex, nothing wrong with that. “I’m going out with Yoongi tonight.” The painful silence after that statement was killing you.

Shit.

“Wait…” Jimin said as his mind started to connect the dots. “So the guy you hooked up with the night of Hoseok’s party was Yoongi?!”

Taehyung almost choked on his drink. “They hooked up?!” He then thought for a second. “I’m surprised, but also, I’m not.”

“Are you guys going to get back together?” Jimin asked, almost sounding concerned. You low-key started to regret your confession.

What was your answer to this question? “No, I don’t think so-“ The question seemed to linger around your head. Were you? Was that what you wanted? Would Yoongi even want to get back together? I mean, the man can’t seem to keep it in his pants. Think about all those girls who probably have an unrequited crush on him, they would all pray for your downfall. And most importantly, Jia, how could you go back to work if she’d found out?

Confusion spread over Jimin’s face. “What do you mean you don’t think so?”

You were starting to get fed up with these questions which where you did not know the answers to yourself. “Look, Yoongi doesn’t seem to be interested in a relationship right now,” You say slightly annoyed. “Or so I’ve heard.” You noticed Taehyung and Jimin looking at you with a doubtful look. “And I can live with that.” You reassured.

“Can you though?” Taehyung asked a bit skeptical.

“Look if I get my heart broken it won’t be anyone’s fault but mine.” They noticed you started to get more and more defensive by the second.

“You’re out of your mind.” Jimin added.

A worried gaze started to appear on Taehyung’s face. “Does Jungkook know?”

“Of course he doesn’t.” You said defeated. “I’m not obligated to tell him.”

Taehyung and Jimin exchanged a worrisome glance at one another before turning back to you. “Look I get where you coming from, but he won’t take it that way.” Jimin explained.

“I know.” Ever since that night, a feeling of dread started to eat you up from the inside. You felt guilty, even though you shouldn’t. You told Jungkook multiple times you were just friends, but people continue to be protective about his feelings. But what about your feelings? “I’ll just…tell him myself. He needs to hear it from me you know.” You said defeated. Taehyung nodded in agreement, but Jimin just gave you an awkward smile, knowing this won’t end well.

What have I done to myself?

Work stalled and the only thing you could focus on was the ticking sound of that dreadful clock. Yoongi was planning to pick you up from work after your shift, but the idea of Jia still walking around on the work floor made you nervous as hell. How were you going to explain to her that her casual fuckbuddy used to be your boyfriend and that ever since a few days ago, you started seeing him again? The more and more you started to think about this situation, the more fucked it seemed to be. The clock hit 5 ‘o clock, which meant it was your time to head home. You quickly checked if you missed anything on your to-do list before checking out. You quickly freshened up, and if anyone was watching you right now it looked like you were running late for something. But in reality, you just didn’t want anyone to see you looking like this. Because you hated to admit it, but you did pick your best outfit for tonight. You quickly fixed your makeup and walked out of the changing room.

To your surprise, Yoongi had been waiting inside the café for you. He was wearing a nice dark blue dress shirt and black trousers. Yoongi told you to wear something nice, but not overly formal, so you just chose a nice top in combination with a skirt. And when he noticed the effort you had put in for him, a sly smile appeared on his face. “You look good.”

Your cheeks were getting a bit flushed by his compliment. “Thanks.” You looked around a bit stressed as you walked up to Yoongi, making him frown his eyebrows, wondering why you were behaving so anxious. “Let’s go though.”

“You seem to be in a hurry, but not for the right reasons.” Yoongi said as if he could read your mind. “Worried Jia will see us, huh?”

You forced a smile as you linked your arm to Yoongi’s. “Let’s just go.” You repeated. Yoongi just scoffed but did as he was told since he didn’t want to piss you off already.

Your mission of nobody of work seeing you leave with Yoongi was successful, making you feel more at ease. Yoongi let you to his car and to your surprise it was a very nice one, coming from someone that doesn’t give two shits about cars. He opened the door for you, giving you a small smile as you hopped in. He closed the door and you didn’t know why, but your anxiety was getting the best of you. Who were you kidding, of course you knew. You were going on a date with your hot ex that everyone seemed to either want or hate.

You stepped into his car, but before starting the engine he turned to you, a small chuckle leaving his lips. “Relax, it’s just me.” He placed his hand on your thigh, slightly caressing it to ease the tension.

You expect your uneasiness to be that obvious. “I know, that’s the problem.” Why did I say that?

You thought Yoongi was going to snap back at you, but instead, he just smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, you’ve done this before.” He said in a joking manner in combination with a wink, making you smile as well as memories of your past relationship flooded through your mind.

Yoongi started the engine and began driving, and what I sight to see it was. Seeing him drive shouldn’t be that attractive, but here we are. The older he got, the more handsome he got. You still remembered that shy quiet guy from high school, one that was not capable of being such a player. But look at him now, he had grown into a man, and what kind of man…One that women can’t seem to get enough from.

“Jimin and Taehyung were quite surprised when I told them we were going out tonight.” You said to break the silence.

Yoongi tilted his head in a slight surprise, his eyes still focused on the road. “You told them about us?” He almost didn’t believe it.

You rolled my eyes and chuckled. “It was hard not to. Especially after Jimin found out about the hickeys you had left on me.”

He proudly smiled at the thought of that. “My hard work shouldn’t go unnoticed.” He joked, making you smile at his stupid comment. “You seem to have covered them well though.” He added, noticing the lack of love bites on your neck, even though he knew they were still lingering.

You couldn’t help but pout as he said that. “Yeah, because of you I have to wake up earlier to cover them up with concealer.” You whined, making his heart melt by the way you said that.

“Cute.” He whispered under his breath. “I guess I’ll apologize for the inconvenience.” He said oddly formally, making you well aware he didn’t really mean it.

This was nice, you thought to yourself, but then your mind decided to ruin it for you again. Don’t feel special, he’s probably like this with all those other girls. Overthinking had become your specialty over the couple of years, especially when it was around the topic of ‘Min Yoongi.’ And now it had become a threat to fully enjoying your night. As you were staring out of the window, you started to notice the streets were getting oddly familiar. You narrowed your eyes as you carefully examined the buildings and street signs, trying your best to recognize why it all felt so familiar. But that’s when it hit you…

“Wait, are we…” You softly spoke, almost inaudible to Yoongi, but just loud enough for him to hear. However, he didn’t say anything and just started smiling at himself until you arrived. And that’s when your speculation got confirmed. A small restaurant hidden in the city, the outside covered with plants and fairy lights. “Oh my god, Yoongi.” It was the place where you had your first date.

Yoongi parked the car before he asked. “Don’t like it?” He was a bit unsure if this was the right move.

“No, I…do.” You were in awe as you looked a the place with wide eyes. “It is the same as how I remember it.” You smiled, turning to him, seeing his eyes were already on you. Shit. You were feeling those damn butterflies again.

“I’m glad you like it.”

As Yoongi and you stepped out of the car, you couldn’t help but get a little bit emotional about this place. Not only did you have your first date here, but many dates after that. You came so often that the boss started to recognize you every time you came, even stopping by sometimes to join in your conversations. A soft smile painted your face the more you thought of it, the feeling of nostalgia hugging you.

“Wait-“ Yoongi spoke before you walked in, gently pulling you in for a kiss. “Now we can go.”

This man…

The waitress outside greeted you with a bright smile as Yoongi asked if there was still a spot free for you two. She let you to a free table outside and you two happily sat down. “I don’t know why, but being here again is kind of weird.” You opened the menu, seeing nothing had changed from the last time you two ate here.

“I know right.” He chuckled, happy he had chosen this date idea. “Just pick whatever, I’ll pay.”

“It’s fine, Yoongi. I don’t care about these gender roles-”

“I don’t either, but I want to pay.”

You looked up from the menu for a second, noticing two piercing eyes looking at you. Your eyes widen, frozen in your current pose as your eyes met hers. Oh no…The woman quickly walked over to your table. Oh no…

“I thought I recognized you two! I haven’t seen you in ages, I thought you had moved to another city or something.” The old lady spoke with joy, almost sounding emotional at the sight of you. “It warms my heart you two are still together. How have you been?”

You moved your eyes over to Yoongi, not sure how to respond to this. However, he just smiled at her, ignoring the fact you were unsure what to do. “Yeah, we both were just so busy the last couple of years, plus we also wanted to save up some money to move out so that’s why. But luckily we finally found a free slot in our busy schedules to enjoy some time together again at our favorite place.”

You’ve never heard so much bullshit coming from someone’s mouth at once. However, Miss Kang was completely eating this up. “I’m happy to see you again. Can’t believe it’s been so long, you’ve really grown into adults, it’s making me slightly emotional even.” Were those tears in her eyes? “I’ll let you two be for now, enjoy the food!”

With a tilted head, you looked back to Yoongi, giving him a ‘what-was-that’ kind of look. He just shrugged his shoulders. “If you want to tell her the truth, go ahead. But then you’ll break a poor lady’s heart.” He said to toy with you, holding onto his chest as if his heart hurt.

“I don’t think I have the heart to do so.” I said, putting on my best act to sound emotional, making Yoongi chuckle.

Shockingly enough, there wasn’t a moment where you two fought or anything close to that. This was actually…really nice. But your mind knew its way to ruin it for you again. He better have not brought any other girls to this place…But then again, if he did, the owner wouldn’t have been so surprised to see us. Stop thinking! Just enjoy this for a second. You barely went out lately. It had just been work, work, and more work. Taking on more shifts you could actually handle. Jimin liked to tease you for it, saying you barely had any time for him and the boys. He then would follow up with a fake cry and dabbing away his fake tears.

The night flew by, and how darker the night got, the brighter the fairy lights shone. It seemed like a scene out of a movie, how romantic. After dinner, Yoongi invited you to his apartment, and not to do any funny business perse, he quickly added after suggesting that. So after him paying for your food, a car ride, and some more flirting, you two were standing in front of his apartment complex. You looked up at it in awe, seeing it must have cost a nice amount of money…

“You live…here?” You ask, almost in denial that this was where Yoongi lived.

He was searching for his keys as the two of you head inside. “What? I’ve been working hard.” He said nonchalantly as he noticed your wide eyes. And that’s when you realized…Yoongi didn’t live in an apartment, this was a penthouse. “Don’t forget, when you were still in college, I was starting to create a name for myself, so this just didn’t happen in one two three. And it’s not the biggest around, so no need to be so in shock.”

“But still!” You didn’t care if it wasn’t the biggest or the most luxurious, it was still something you could never afford with your café money. The two of you took the elevator to the seventh floor and you couldn’t hide your amazement at Yoongi’s living space. “No wonder girls like to spend the night with you.” You said without putting much thought behind it.

He just scoffed. “Are you saying my wonderful personality isn’t enough for them?”

You rolled your eyes and smirked. “I bet it is.”

Yoongi opened his front door, letting you into his penthouse. “Ladies first.” You stepped your first foot in and already were impressed by how nice it looked inside. It was decorated with a lot of dark and wood undertones, but you didn’t expect anything else from him. You awkwardly stood in his living room, waiting for him to say “Please, take a seat. Make yourself at home.” You carefully sat down on his sofa, watching Yoongi walk over to his liquor cabinet, and pour a drink both for him and you. He walked back to you with two glasses in his hand. “Drink up, It’ll help you loosen up.” He said as he handed over the alcoholic drink. “So tell me, how has y/n’s life been doing ever since she and Min Yoongi broke up.” Yoongi placed down the liquor bottle and placed himself next to you, nonchalantly putting his arms around your shoulders.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his weird way of asking that. “Well-” You spoke “After graduating, I just continued working at the café. And to be honest, I really enjoy it there. I’ve even been considering opening one myself, but first I need to do some more research and save up some more money to do that.”

“So you tell me, all those nights you were busy studying instead of going out, were all for a bachelor you ended up not using?” He teased. “So all those nights you could’ve been spending the night with me-”

“Augh, shut up!” You interrupted.

Yoongi laughed before taking another sip from his drink. “I’m joking, getting a bachelor’s degree in the first place is really impressive. And I’m just happy you found something that you like doing.”

“Thank you.” You smile, circling your finger on the rim of the glass. “I see your music producing has gotten you far.”

Yoongi always stayed humble. “I just got lucky, it took me a while to get here.”

“I’m not surprised though, you always had talent. I think it was just a matter of time for you to be successful.” When you said that, you spoke from the heart. On Yoongi’s free days, he would spend the night at your dorm, making you listen to whatever draft he had worked on that day. You always loved it, no matter if it was a biased opinion or not. You just felt confident he was meant to be successful.

“Is that why you’re back?” He teased. “I always knew you were a gold digger.”

“Augh-“ You playfully sighed. “You know that’s not true.” You took another sip from your drink, noticing yourself getting more lightheaded. “Does that occur often? Girls just wanting you for your money?”

“No, this all just happened recently. They are always impressed though.” Another sip. “Besides, I don’t have enough to be someone’s sugar daddy, if that’s what you’re thinking about.”

“You’ve made yourself quite the subject around the girls I know.”

“Did I?” You smirked, not because he felt proud about being the number one topic in Jia’s friend group, but more out of sheer curiosity. “Tell me more.”

“Well, especially Jia. One time she was even telling me about how great the size of your dick was.” A sign of you getting more and more intoxicated by the minute, was the fact you started to say everything unfiltered. “It drove me nuts, especially because I could imagine every single detail she described.” You said with a look of disgust. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” You say, turning to Yoongi with wide eyes and your hand covering your mouth.

However, he found this rather amusing. “No, no, it’s fine. Please, continue.” He chuckled. “Didn’t expect I was such a hot topic.”

“She also told me some of her friends had done the deed with you. Can’t believe you.” You said with rolling eyes before emptying your glass. “They talk about you in a way that I could never imagine.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“They act as if you’re this sex god or something.” You say with a confused expression on your face. “I’ve heard them talk about you once and I never knew people could say such filthy things in one sitting. You really got them wrapped around your finger, I got to give you that.”

Yoongi just laughed, a bit embarrassed to be honest. He noticed your face getting redder by the minute, and not because you were embarrassed, but because of the alcohol. “Your mind probably thinks, fuck, not that bastard again.” He said jokingly, even though he knew there was some truth behind it.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction. “Initially, it does.” Your smile faded into a softer one as you reminisce about the former version of Yoongi. “But then I think about how you were in high school. That sweet boy in the back of the class who was even too shy to ask me out.” The smile Yoongi noticed appearing on your face made him feel appreciated, since now he knew how you really thought about him whenever his name got mentioned. “I only started to think you were a bastard after we broke up the first time.”

Yoongi just scoffed as he took another sip of his drink. “That’s when it all went south.” He laughed. “I guess I’ll have to show you the best of me from now on.” He teased as he eyed down your glass, noticing the lack of liquor left in it. “Should I pour more for you?”

You happily nodded as you handed him your glass. “Yes please!” He just smiled as he went back to his cabinet to fill your glass for round two. You just studied Yoongi’s anatomy as he was pouring the drink. How his shirt accentuated his back muscles, how broad his shoulders became as he got older, or how beautiful his long black hair was. What a sight to be seen. Yoongi turned back around, handing back your drink as he sat down next to you, in the same position as before. He took another sip from his drink, something obviously gnawing on his conscious.

That’s when he decided to ask it. “How are things between you and Jungkook?”

You couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy whenever Jungkook’s name got mentioned in conversations. Especially since you got together with Jungkook after the break up with Yoongi…“Good, we’re best friends now.” But you noticed the weird look Yoongi gave you after you gave your answer. “What?”

“Nothing.” He quickly said to shrug off any suspicion. “Why did you guys break up though?”

“Eh, it’s my turn to ask a question now” You didn’t want to keep talking about Jungkook anymore, especially when it came to Yoongi. Why would you want to be honest about your emotions?

Yoongi was a bit taken aback by your reaction. “Didn’t know we were taking turns. But all right, go ahead.”

You felt your heartbeat increase by the question that was lingering in your head. “How many other girls are you seeing beside me.”

Yoongi moved a bit closer to you. “Wouldn’t you like to know, huh?” He said he locked his eyes onto yours, noticing the seriousness on your face. “Well, that’s private.”

Your eyebrows frowned as he said that. “Private?!” You said baffled.

“Hmh? What? Aren’t you the one being secretive about us too?” He asked in the most unserious tone.

“fine”

He chuckled before emptying his glass as well. “Now, back to my former question. Why did you two break up?”

“Uhm.” The thing was, no matter how much alcohol you drank, there was no way in hell that you could tell him the real reason you broke up with Jungkook. Oh, I quickly discovered that he was just a rebound and that I was actually still in love with you. But when I wanted to get back together, you were already busy fucking half the girls of the town. So I just came to the conclusion we weren’t meant to be to start with. Yeah right. t“We just didn’t match.”

“That’s all?”

“Yup.”

Yoongi would’ve believed you if you said that statement in full confidence. But the mixture of you waiting too long to respond and saying your sentence with hesitation made it very clear to him that there was something you weren’t telling him. But he also knew he wasn’t going to get it out of you tonight. “Alright then.”

After your second glass, you realized you really shouldn’t have had another one. Because unsurprisingly enough, you couldn’t really handle alcohol that well. “Can you kiss me now though? I’ve been dying for you to give me another one but without much success.” You tried to say in your most seductive tone, but due to your drunkenness, it came out a bit funny.

“So needy all of a sudden, huh?”

“Hmh, kissy kiss please.” You pouted your lips like a fish as you leaned into Yoongi to plant one on him.

Yoongi frowned his brows as he suddenly backed away from you, a sinister smirk formed on his lips. “Wait, are you drunk already?” He said bewildered, not believing anyone could easily get that drunk.

You scoffed. “You’re a silly man with silly questions. I don’t think I am. Which means we can take this further, right tiger?” Stroking your index finger from his chest to just above his groin.

He shook his head in disbelief. “Alright, You’re drunk y/n”

“Maybe a little.”

“Well, I’m not, so there won’t be any funny business tonight.” You suddenly felt the touch of his hands around your wrist, holding your hand back from touching him any further.

“Heh!” You couldn’t believe it. “But you know I like to fuck when I’m drunk.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but smile out of embarrassment, not expecting you to have said that. Min Yoongi being a bit shy? “I know, but it’s weird when I’m sober.”

“But I’ve been dying to kiss you, touch you, fuck you.” You leaned in even closer to Yoongi, the distance between your faces being minimal, hoping this would reel him in.

But to your disappointment, it didn’t work. “I’m flattered, really, but don’t worry I won’t be going anywhere soon.”

You pouted, your heart aching from the idea that he didn’t want to touch you. How dare he. “Can we just hug then?”

“Hugging is fine.”

You quickly wrapped your arms around Yoongi, pressing your cheek against his chest, appreciating the softness of his shirt. You were listening to his heartbeat as if it were a lullaby. With every thump the relaxer you got. “I haven’t spoken to you for three years and it feels like yesterday we were together.” You mumbled.

“Weird huh?” He said softly.

Something in you wanted to tell him you missed him, but your little heart couldn’t get itself to do it. It would’ve made you too vulnerable and you didn’t want to ruin this moment to speak up about your complicated feelings for Yoongi. It could mean absolutely nothing to him, but you were just happy to be able to lay in his arms tonight. Cause after tonight, you knew he was just going to the next girl on his list. But the sudden feeling of his thumb caressing your arm as he held you made your eyes water. He wasn’t talking, just watching admiring you. The silence felt far from awkward. It was more comforting than something else.

You felt your eyelids getting heavy though. “Would you have a problem with me if I fell asleep right now?”

Yoongi chuckled, not surprised you were already going to crash. “Of course not”

“We’ll the chance of that happening is very high.” You mumbled. “Why do you smell so good.” You said it as if it was a bad thing. Which for you kind of was, because it made you crave for more of him. You looked up to him and when his eyes met yours, a smile appeared on your face out of reflex. “You’re so beautiful.”

The moment you said that, you saw Yoongi’s features soften up. His eyebrows turned into a pleading kind of expression, his eyes twinkling and his mouth slightly open. “Oh y/n…” He said as if his heart was hurting.

“What?”

He let out a defeated sigh as he tucked a strand of your hand behind your ear. “Nothing. I’m just happy to see you again.” You saw his pupils move from one place to another as he was examining your face like a work of art. “Maybe we should head to bed.”

“Ooh, we?” You teased, still trying to get him to do all those things he said he would over the phone.

“Come on.” He moved up from his seat, reaching his hand for you to take it, which you did in seconds, of course. He led you to his bedroom, seeing how luxurious it looked, making you even madder he didn’t want to do anything with you tonight. “I’ll give you my shirt to sleep in.” He walked over to his closet, grabbed a black shirt, and handed it to you.

You accepted it in full grace, happy to be wearing his clothes again. He used to do this as well when you came to his place three years ago. It almost felt like a privilege. “Turn around though.”

“Are you serious?” Yoongi said appalled, almost sounding offended. Not because he really wanted to see you naked or something, but rather because he had seen you naked multiple times, Hoseok’s party excluded. But he just guessed because it had been a long time, you had lost that comfort in him.

“Yes, this is very exclusive content!” You pouted. Yes, you knew Yoongi had already seen every little crevice of your body, but because of his abundance of experience, you became a bit insecure.

“I’ll go ahead and brush my teeth already then.” He said, respecting your needs.

“Oh, I don’t have a toothbrush.”

“One night won’t ruin your dental hygiene.”

As Yoongi headed inside his bathroom, you quickly changed into his shirt. You were blushing to yourself, feeling rather proud to be able to wear his shirts. I hope no other girl has worn this. A moment later you were lying down on his bed, quickly realizing the sheets smelled like Yoongi. You really were on Cloud 9. After a few minutes, he came back wearing only a pair of briefs. Even though you’ve seen his chest multiple times, you still were too timid to look, making you turn your head to the side. “What’s the matter? First time seeing a bare-chested man?” He said sarcastically

“I’m feeling violated.”

He placed himself next to you, hovering over you. “Next time you’ll be drinking the weak stuff first and I’ll just drink the hard stuff myself, lightweight.” He gently grabbed your face and planted a kiss on your forehead. “Then we can get drunk at the same pace, how about that?”

You smiled, pulling him in for a kiss on the lips. “Sounds like a great idea.” This felt weird. This whole night felt weird. Not because of you or Yoongi in particular. But because it all felt like weird déjà vu. “Alright, goodnight y/n.” He said before turning off the light

“Goodnight Yoongi.” You rubbed your face against the pillow, creating a little malt to fit your face nicely to sleep in. The sudden feeling of his arm snaking around your waist almost made you cry. He pulled you a bit closer, feeling his heartbeat against your back. You smiled. Cause tonight, you were his and his only.

“Don’t kiss me I have morning breath.” When you found yourself in Yoongi’s arms, and a painful headache, the next morning, you realized how bad of a combo you and alcohol are.

Yoongi chuckled before leaning in closer to you. “Like I care Besides, yesterday you were very persistent on me kissing you.” He teased with a smirk.

“I talk a bit too much when I’m tipsy.” You pouted as you felt Yoongi’s lips on your neck.

“Tipsy?” He teased.

“Shut up.” You sat up straight, stretching your body to wake yourself up. “I can’t stay long though, I have to be at work at 12.” Your heart was feeling sad you had to leave already.

Yoongi sat straight as well. “It’s fine, I have a meeting in the afternoon, so I couldn’t stay either,” He gently grabbed your chin, pulling you in for a kiss. “unfortunately.” Yoongi moved up from his bed, stretching at well. “Let me take a quick shower before I drop you off.”

However, you did not hear that last sentence Yoongi just said. Because Yoongi was indeed, a healthy man. And healthy men would occasionally get morning wood. It was not your fault it distracted you for a minute. You quickly moved your eyes away from his clothed erection and decided to keep your focus strictly on Yoongi’s face. “Sorry, what?”

Yoongi smirked at the sight of you being flustered. “I said I was going to take a quick shower, but it seems that you were a bit distracted.”

“Just go shower, please!”

Yoongi just shook his head in disbelief. “You’re a lot of talk when you’re drunk, but sober you’re such a pussy.” He said before closing the door behind him. During Yoongi’s shower, you put back on your own clothes as you heard the shower head running. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, noticing the rubbed-out mascara that made you look like a raccoon. You tried your best to tame your hair but without much luck. You heard a notification noise coming from somewhere, but it wasn’t from your phone. Curiosity got the best of you, so you quickly took a glimpse at the text Yoongi received.

[09:21] Eunha: Yoongi~ I hope tonight is still on. I haven’t heard from you yet so I’m getting worried ㅠㅠ

The urge to text her back yourself to tell you that he was busy with someone else, was immense. But you just bit your tongue and ignored it. It was the universe telling you that you were, indeed, not special. Being Yoongi’s one and only was too good to be true. You just sighed, laying back down and trying your best to get your mind out of the gutter. After a few minutes of waiting, Yoongi was done with his shower and decided to come out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist. You really are testing me, aren’t you? You took a little peak, before covering your eyes with your arms, making Yoongi chuckle. “You can look you know? I don’t mind.”

“I feel more comfortable likes this.”

His lips left a little ‘tsk’ sound as he started to get dressed, telling you after a few minutes it was safe to open your eyes again. You sat up from the bed, smiling innocently at Yoongi as if you didn’t want him to rearrange your guts yesterday, but now you were chickening out. “y/n-” You hear Yoongi whisper, making you turn your body to him. You felt his hands creep onto your waist as he leaned in a bit. “Before we go, can I just…” He pulled your body closer to his, making you hold onto his shoulders as he gently pressed you against the door. You could feel his breath against your lips, waiting for a second before pressing his lips against yours, his lips slowly moving against yours. A rush of excitement went through your body by Yoongi’s sudden need for you. You could feel his hand squeezing your breast as if he had been waiting for the opportunity to do so, making you let out a small wince. His lips left yours and a grin painted his face. “Alright, let’s go.” You weren’t sure what just happened, or why he suddenly had the need to do that. You’d be lying if it didn’t leave you wanting more, but neither of you had the time for it anymore. Making you think he did this on purpose.

After the two of you left his apartment, he drove you back home, which didn’t take that long. Conveniently enough, his house was that far from yours. After holding the door for you again and walking up to your front door, you couldn’t believe this was already over. “Thanks for last night, I really had fun.” You said before opening the door.

“So did I.” He smiled before it turned into a slight grin. “Now that you stopped pretending you don’t want to see me, how about I come over to pick you up this Friday?”

Suddenly, the text from that girl named Eunha popped into your head, altering your answer. “I’ll think about it.” You said with a hint of sadness.

Yoongi leaned in closer, holding your waist for a second before planting another kiss on your lips. “Let me know, okay? See you soon y/n.” He smiled before letting go of you. You watch him drive off before heading into your home, leaning against the door as soon as it’s closed. But when you caught yourself being a little bit too smiley, you mentally slapped yourself out of it. Don’t do this to yourself No, you weren’t going to fall in love with him again. No matter how nice he would be to you. He was an upper-fuckboy and you should know better. You were just another one in his long contact list of girls. So tonight you made a promise to yourself. The moment you started to catch feelings for Yoongi, you would cut him out of your life.

Simple.

Taglist; @flowerblu00, @brinda-9, @seokjinkismet, @sugainmybowl, @mxxxnshine

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