#Bc like. I’m not very knowledgeable on being an adult in the big bad world but one can only assume pursuing your own fashion line

[transmascissues]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

#when i say i love helping people beat their fears about t this is what i mean. i will simply write a whole essay about it #some people might think it’s silly to answer a question like this so extensively #but i don’t think it is! i feel like this is a really common fear but also one i don’t see talked about much #maybe because it’s so common among cis guys that people don’t see it as a question to ask in trans spaces? idk #but i think we should talk about it more. especially when transphobes use it as a way to talk shit about t #ask answered #testosterone #hrt #ftm hrt #hair loss #trans men #transmascs

[zehl0w]

It’s my comfort character I get to decide the bestie

#they would be such good friends I’m right and I need to say it #+yamaguchi but I didn’t feel like drawing him #this was originally supposed to be part of a comic I was going to draw but. again. broken record here. I don’t know how to do that #I like entertaining the idea that yachi is a big reason as to why asahi got into fashion school/was actually able to. succeed #Bc like. I’m not very knowledgeable on being an adult in the big bad world but one can only assume pursuing your own fashion line #in the midst of tokyo is more than a little difficult #but !!!!!! yachi has connections !!!!!!!!!!! her mom has her own design company !!!!!!! #I like to think that yachi heard in passing that asahi was interested in fashion and was like hey I can introduce you to my mom if u want !! #also the fact that asahi is one of the very few people that calls her yacchan 💞💞💞 #asahi and yachi are literally the biggest instance of gay/lesbian solidarity and also. anxiety #I like thinking that when they get closer he’d call her hitochi or hitochan #also asahi would defo be really protective of the girls like he’d make sure they feel safe walking home alone #Asahi said fuck u my sisters now !!!!!!!! #every time I ramble in the tags I forcibly realized how vulgar I am I apologize for saying the f word every two seconds #I have such a good comic idea for these two but I don’t know how to go about it #it’s asanoya/kiyoyachi and I always feel bad for my kiyoyachis bc they’re always one sided )): #was thinkin of maybe doing a hanahaki kiyoyachi at some point but I probably won’t #mostly bc I don’t like drawing flowers like. at all. which is really funny considering I am a firm believer of plant dad asahi #also nobody ever appreciates the little hearts I draw in asahis hair buns. disappointing

[saphirered]

Hi welcome back! Hope you’re doing well. Random question b4 my request, bc I want to give back as thanks for the great writing: are you a coffee, tea, or hot chocolate/cocoa drinker? I prefer hot chocolate and sweet tea.

How would the m9 respond to an SO/friend with a kid? Where the reader is a single parent with a child of at most 10 years old. Thanks :)

- 🐋

This took a while to write so sorry for that 😅. I'm so glad you like my writing! I love writing for you lot. I'm definitely a hot cocoa person. I hope this one turned out to your liking 😘.

----------

Caleb:

You never hid the fact you had a child from Caleb, if anything you’re proud of them. Though, you do know in certain company it’s better to keep that fact a secret for safety reasons. Caleb understands that fully he respects and admires you always put your child’s best interests first.

This is why when you began getting more involved with Caleb you kept your child out of it and took a good amount of time before introducing them to the wizard. You didn’t want to set expectations for both sides and wanted to protect and preserve them both should what you and Caleb had going not work out after all.

It’s no surprise Caleb is good with children. He takes a gentle approach when it comes to all things good in this world to the point of almost being afraid to ‘ruin it’. You assured him many times he was in the clear and how could his heart not warm at the curiosity and search for knowledge your child was already displaying.

With your permission Caleb began teaching your child some things here and there. The theoretics of magic and eventually simple spells. The smile it brought to their faces while they worked couldn’t make you happier. Caleb definitely earned your child’s approval to stick around.

Beau:

At first Beau is surprised. She knows children come from somewhere of course. She’s not stupid but actually tying a child to their parent let alone being very close to that parent is a whole new story. Especially learning you raised your child on your own and seeing you want to provide what’s best for them definitely earns you her respect, not having a parent with the same motivation herself and all.

The day of introductions came along and as expected Beau is the most awkward, trying not to be a terrible influence and be on her best behaviour, makes her very much on edge. An perceptive child picking up on this awkward behaviour calling her out leaving her cursing like a sailor, then apologising for said curses, even less of a surprise. You had to assure her many times it was fine.

Beau makes a promise that no matter what, she’ll make sure you’ll be returning to your child and make sure they get the love and support they deserve. Growing up without loving parents is one thing. Growing up an orphan another. She’d do everything in her power to keep you safe.

It may have began with joking comments such as ‘finish your homework’ to ‘do the dishes’ and ‘be nice to your parent while I’m gone’ but it didn’t take long before Beau was helping them with their homework or cleaning dishes after you cooked.

Absolutely treats your child as someone capable of making decisions of their own and speaking for themselves. No baby voices or cooing like too many adults tend to do even to a child regardless of their age. Your child has thoughts and opinions of their own and for the love of all that is sacred, can speak for themselves. You’re glad Beau treats them with a sense of maturity.

Fjord:

Fjord may have done what can only be referred to as a spit take the moment you said you had a child. Clearly didn’t expect it but giving him time to recover and process he’d ask all sorts of questions. What are they like? What do they like? And of course the dreaded question about your partner.

Supportive Fjord for the win. After finding out you’re on your own he’d always have your back, checking in with you and making sure you’re doing alright amidst the stress of the world and raising a child in the mix of it all. He’d open up to you about his past and being raised without any kind of proper parental figure. What he wouldn’t have done to have someone like you around when it counted for him.

Introducing them went rather smoothly. Fjord is surprisingly good with children. While some might find him intimidating, he nearly melted when your child embraced him as a thank you for looking out for you. Fjord was happy to answer any and all questions your child asked.

Whenever you’d be swept away for a while having to leave your child in the care of your trusted ones, Fjord would tell your child to ‘have the wheel, sailor’ which they would return with a salute before biding you both goodbye. Fjord slowly transcended into a bit of a father role and none of you minded in the least. You were happy.

Veth:

When she spoke of her boy she left behind you pitied her. A child shouldn’t be without their family. They deserved to be loved and sheltered from the darkness of the world until they are ready. When you told her you had one of your own Veth really felt safe to confide in you with her worries and troubles. You bonded over it really, drowning out all the sad stories and struggles with fond memories of both your families. Sadly for you, that would only extend to you and your child, the memories of their other parent perhaps somewhat painful to share.

You wondered what it would be like if your children ever got to meet in person. Then the day came. Nicodranas really had a way of bringing families together didn’t it? First time may have been a bit strange, your child being fully aware of Veth’s need for a disguise with her son, played their part well. Both you and Veth may have wiped away some tears when Luc claimed your child their big sibling from now on, and you his third parent.

Work and life are a difficult combination for Veth. She wants nothing more than to be with Yeza and take care of her boy but as long as the world’s in peril and her other family needs her just as much if not more, she’ll have to leave them behind. Knowing that you and your child are with her husband and son when she can’t be eases her mind a lot and she’s forever grateful.

It goes unsaid that Veth’s time away from children and in the presence of adults, specifically the Mighty Nein may have left her a bit out of the routines of raising a child as shown by giving Luc and your child fireworks, promising them to teach them how to shoot a crossbow and more. You did have to hold her back a little with the help of Yeza and keep things a bit more contained for their safety, but mostly yours.

Jester:

Of course upon learning you’re raising your child all by yourself Jester goes onto a rant about how her and her mom were always alone and how Marion used to read stories to her and do you read stories to your child and do you sing to them and draw with them and give them hugs and cuddles after nightmares and… You have no idea how that girl doesn’t run out of breath.

Jester couldn’t be anyone but herself when meeting your child asking about their interests, do they like to draw and sing and dance and… You ran out of breath just listening to her talk and your child replying in similar fashion. Everything went quite well and the two of them got along. Jester would be singing them songs and teaching them how to draw resulting in many dick drawings randomly appearing in your books, notes and other places, followed by mischievous giggles.

Having bought your child a lovely green cloak and letting them pretend they’re the Traveler here to spread mischief and fun and leave behind many phallic shaped objects drawn and carved wherever possible sent you all in laughing fits but you swore you heard a more masculine chuckle and saw a green cloak fade into the shadows. Odd.

What only can be summed up as the combination between big sibling, fun wine cupcake aunt and mom, remained a constant in your life and you couldn’t be more thankful to have that ray of sunshine be there for all of you.

Caduceus:

Caduceus is very calm and collected about learning you have a child. Less of a response than perhaps anyone else perviously unknowing. “That’s nice.” He’d nod. You’d almost start thinking he may have been able to read it off you for some reason. He confirmed he was, the tired eyes, and the recovery of exasperation at times but sense of accomplishment and reward was a look he had seen from his own mother many times.

“You’re weird.” A stare down ensued. “You’re weird too.” Eyes sharpened. “I like you.” The ice broke and smiles followed. For a moment you were afraid that maybe your child wouldn’t like the odd firbolg and thinking about how you would keep friends and family separate but a wave of relief went over you knowing that all was well between the two most valuable people in your life.

You’d be handed a fresh cup of tea by your child, a plate of snacks by Caduceus, all too innocent smiles on their faces but all it took was a raised eyebrow from you to have them come clean about the kitchen being covered in soil from the two of them potting new plants, turning your home and garden in what can only be described as a greenhouse and rather ask for forgiveness than permission. You weren’t mad of course, but did make them clean the mess they made.

You’re still unsure whether or not it was a good or bad idea introducing your child to the extended Clay family as you got some insight in the chaotic prank wars between the siblings and all together sibling rivalry among some of them. It’s all fun and games of course but some moments you were glad you weren’t the one pelted with mud pies by Calliope or pushed into the spring by Calliope herself. Instead you could just enjoy Clarabelle’s bug collection with your child while laughing at the other’s being covered in mud and soaked to the bone.

Yasha:

Poor Yasha doesn’t recall much of a family. In reality she never really felt like she had one until the circus, and after them the Nein. When she saw you and your child together, the unconditional love you had for each other, she felt like she finally realised what she had been missing, and something she perhaps would never have. She learned the value of such a relationship.

Yasha has no idea how to interact with children at any level and by default tends to treat them as either adults, or cute animals. No in between. It took her some time to get the hang of it but you couldn’t deny both you and your child rather enjoyed the unconventional relationship.

The wastes and hardships of Xhorhas may force a child to grow up quickly in the tribes but that doesn’t mean children outside of those regions have to learn how to wield a sword and what bugs you can and cannot eat or how to best skin an animal before eating it… It took some convincing why that was not a necessary skill to learn at the tender age of ten.

You compromised with Yasha on the fighting in the end, persuaded by the woman and your child to allow her to teach them some fighting basics because someone’ has to have your back when Yasha’s not there. You did manage to hold them off on purchasing a sword perhaps too large for your child despite the ‘they’ll grow into it’ reasoning and instead settled on training equipment instead.

Mollymauk:

Oh Mollymauk, nothing surprises this one. He felt rather sorry for you going through the struggles of raising a child alone. He may not remember his own family but he’s traveled far and wide enough to know the hardships. He knows poor Toya and he admires you for being able to do what so many can’t or won’t.

It goes unsaid that Molly is perhaps the worst of influences when it comes to people but you’ve seen him interact with Toya before and know well enough he’s a kind and caring soul who wants only the best for those who can’t just yet fend for themselves. It’s a good foundation that leads to a better person. He jokingly claims himself proof of that through the carnival and him ‘being an absolute asshole’.

Molly’s soft side really does come out whenever he’s around your child. He doesn’t deliberately censor himself but tries to contain certain words and avoid certain subjects that should never be discussed around your child knowing you’d appreciate it and if he does let something slip and your child ask questions he’d gently explain it as certain things should definitely not be described in gory detail to someone of their age.

This circus man is not afraid to put on a show in any circumstance and will happily do so to cheer you or your child up whenever you’re feeling a bit down or overworked. Whether he’s making a fool of himself, giving you bogus card readings, juggle his swords or tell the most ridiculous stories ever he’d do it without a second thought because it brings you and your child joy. You’re part of his family and he’d go to hell and back again for you.

#critical role #critical role x reader #mighty nein x reader #mighty nein #caleb x reader #caleb widogast x reader #beauregard x reader #fjord x reader #veth x reader #nott x reader #jester x reader #caduceus x reader #yasha x reader #mollymauk x reader #critrole x reader

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Fair Folk

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR: 

Iida, Uraraka, Bakugo, Kirishima and Midoriya taken away by quirk traffickers, convinced they are a family of specialized quirk users. Turns out, the truth is a little bit more complicated than that: they're fairies. With Midoriya the only one able to get free is up to him to find help. Who better than the hero All Might, a man so famous among the giants that even the fae know of him?

The Folk are born with weak but variable magic, able to learn almost any class of spell but without any great talent in any area. Sometime between the ages of 4 and 15 (they age at the same rate as humans but live a touch longer) their magic specializes into an area they have a calling for. The strength of this specialization is varied, with some Folk being totally unable to use magic outside their niche and others with only a reduced aptitude for anything unrelated to their field. There has never been a case of one of the Folk not specialising.

Kirishima: Gem Creation and Rock Manipulation - gem creation is just an aspect as he can alter the way the molecular bonds in rocks are formed

Bakugo: Fire - with a particular aptitude for explosions

Iida: Wind – his control isn’t particularly powerful but hes very good at using currents of wind to propel himself to incredibly impressive speeds

Uraraka: Flight - very rare aptitude. Not only can she give wing’s their enchantments, she can make other things float. Very useful for moving heavy things.

Izuku: Nothing.

Culture (brief):

They hide from the ‘Giants’ - humans - and see them as dangerous and strange, particularly as they terraform massive areas, stripping them of their natural magic.

Settlements are found in forests, abandoned places and parks, hidden from sight with a mix of magic and clever design. Children shouldn’t leave the safety of the settlement without an adult at any time.

Wings are not actually something they are born with - instead, they are fashioned from other things and bound to their magic. If they run out - spend too long away from a source of magic + burn through their own ability to create it - they fall away and that member of the Folk can no longer fly, at least until they find more magic. It’s traditional to use leaves for a baby’s first set of wings. Wing makers are valued and rare with skillfully made sets of wings being traded from settlement to settlement in exchange for other goods. They can be made from anything really, and are mostly made from a mix of natural materials and things scavenged from Giants.

Our Folk:

Uraraka is a fledgling wing maker - too young to have an actual shop, she makes wings for her friends. She’s very good at what she does: most wings are form over function but she takes care to make sure they are just as practical as they are pretty. Iida’s are made of spider’s silk - light and strong, good for reaching high speeds. Kirishima’s have beetle wing cases to protect them from dislodged rocks. Bakugo’s are fire-resistant, Midoriya’s are balanced so they’ll be practical no matter his specialization.

Kirishima wants to help people! He uses his magic to build houses and walls and often visits other settlements to help with their protections.

Iida wants to be a guard like his older brother - guards protect the settlement from animals that might want to eat them, natural disasters and help hide them from Giants. As the five of them are currently the only children in the settlement, hes assigned himself big brother.

Bakugo has 0 idea what he wants to be, but he’s skilled in just about everything he tries so it’s not a big issue for him.

Midoriya wants to research giants and magic and try and discover all it’s forms. Folk can only specialize in types of magic they know about, so he wants to know everything that can be done to help other Folk struggling like himself. Despite the fact he doesn’t have a specialization yet, his magic isn’t half bad and the number of forms he knows is staggering. He mightn’t be particularly good at anything, but he can do everything. He’s also a big fan of heroes, even if his knowledge of them is limited to torn scraps of newspaper and thrown-away toys.

Inko passed away when Izuku was 10 (he’s now 13) and he’s lived with the Bakugos ever since. Izuku and Katsuki have a pretty brotherly relationship and give eachother shit all the time.

Plot:

kids get kidnapped by quirk traffickers who think they are just a little group of specialized quirk users. Izuku is the only one who can get free (courtesy of teleportation magic, letting him blink through the bars of their cage). Lost, hurt and so far from home, he has nowhere to go. All Might ends up saving him from a crow. Izuku - recognising the hero - asks for help. Thus begins the journey of them trying to find the quirk traffickers and All Might accidentally acquiring a tiny magic son.

The first thing All Might does when he finds Izuku (after like, saving him and making sure hes ok) is has a quick crisis bc holy shit hes so small and so sweet and fuck he’s so t i n y. Then he panic calls Nighteye, a man who he has not spoken a word to in 3 years.

dude just nighteye being like "all might why are you so focused on this one group" and all might, the worst liar to have ever existed, a miracle that he made this far, responds with "oh you know just reasons not like i have a tiny son-boy who is totally not some sort of fairy like creature hahahahahahahah" and nighteye just fucking stares at All Might while he tries to process this nonsense.

All Might can lie but no to people he knows lmao, one look at Nighteye and the man just crumbles. Izuku, who was literally just hiding in All Might’s backpack, pops out to say hi! Both Nighteye and Izuku have to take a moment because Izuku forgot just how tall Giants are and Nighteye is trying to process ‘four inch tall flying boy’. He has to sit down.

Izuku, the helpful soul he is, summons a nice, cool breeze for him because he looked pale, then Nighteye has another quiet freak out because this definitely isnt a quirk.

Nezu gets involved in the hunt for the quirk traffickers and quickly realises something is Up with All Might hunting down this random group so single-mindedly. He gets Aizawa to take a look into it. Aizawa runs into Izuku who, upon seeing a Giant he thinks is going to try to kidnap him again, throws dirt in his eyes and bolts. Aizawa is Displeased.

Yeah! All Might fills him in and he’s super embarrassed and ends up leaving a tiny ‘I’m sorry!’ note on his bedside table.

Ignoring all the stuff that happens in the middle, after the Fair Folk are saved and like, find their settlement and let everyone know they aren’t dead, the five of them actually join UA! 50% because their time with the quirk traffickers was scary and they want to save people from that, 50% because Izuku is so enthralled with Giants and their world he’d be heartbroken if they never got to return.

Under the cover of them being siblings with variations of the same quirk, they do all end up in 1A and become heroes in their own right. While they are getting caught up to speed on normal school stuff they missed, Izuku kinda ends up with 3 whole dads including Nighteye, same with the other kids to be honest. They like to hide in Aizawa’s scarf.

Some random things:

Izuku, the smallest of the bunch, is not quite 4 inches tall.

The group of them sneak out together to collect things - Izuku’s favourite thing is a tiny but detailed golden fox charm he found near a shrine.

Uraraka’s room is covered in half-finished wings and designs.

Bakugo secretly wishes his specialization wasn’t so destructive - he accidentally burnt a hole in Izuku’s second set of wings.

Iida secretly loves racing the birds nearby. Hes not meant to because they can be very dangerous, but by now they are used to him and look forward to when he shows up.

#full au #bnha au #Fair Folk AU

[h2oishealthy]

Everytime I see the arguement that :if Lilly didn't exist then he would be a deatheater 'I genuinely get confused on like why is this the hottest tea that they have when it's just cold water.

So the reasons why I think snape would enjoy the dark arts (without Lilly) it's like for: recognition, academic interest, security. It's all based on self interest okay cool whatever people have been selfish before Coolio.

Assuming that the mauruaders don't target him because constantly because there is no Lilly therfore he's just another slytherin. Snape still would have to deal with all the other shit : he still will be isolated in his house, the house he is in has already been isolated from the rest of the school, he is still poor, he still is the scrawny scrapper who wants to make a mark, he has no strong sane adult presence, he has friends of the same background which makes him susceptible to group think.

You really thought you got a big brain moment when the mud blood incident is what proves he can be a deatheater. No lol mauruader stans were right he would be a death eater because where else does he go then? Also do you have any idea how much of a target snape is just by being out casted, poor, isolated - cults thrive on vulnerable people like this. Like there is no other better alternative for him. That's the sad part love, even if the mud blood incident didn't take place snape would choose any option that fits his self interest (it's a very him against the world), he doesn't win there is no support system that allows him to be safe or to choose differently .

You know those posts in early 2013s where people could ask : poor but happy or rich but sad. And people just simply commented poor but happy because money can't buy happiness :). It's like absolutely absurd that there is such an outrage for people who believe that joining a cult (that provides them with what they are looking for) when they are vulnerable and in circumstances where there is no support for them.

No shit he would be a loyal death eater : his entire world view is shaped by those around him, he has changed his views at some point be feel recognized, to disagree would mean to start again, it falls in his own interest. Lilly shows him what it means to see the good in people, to see the good in humanity that's why he switched and kept that belief for so long. He knows that something good exists because his ex best friend was good. And she died fighting for that belief. Because like If I told you: if you have been isolated and you were easily persuaded by cults that have the same it's us against the world mentality you would absolutely not try to ruin what you have - who would do that? Who would want to just make their place in the world or the sake of it ? Why not just endure it? Why fight? .

Lilly was fighting for her right to be in the magical world its very much an us against them but it doesn't matter to her if she dies fighting because she has a strong morals. Her unwillingness to give in to what the majority were saying is what let's snape know that he can participate in the right side in the war and endure what he has to go through. Because if someone who he knew was good did this and died for this he knows he can maybe do this as well.

wow, thank you for this! i’m not very good with putting things into words so i hope i can get it out right

the whole “what if” argument is so dumb bc you can say that for anything. if lily hadn’t been born, sev would or wouldn’t have chosen the same path, we just don’t know, but people love to use that excuse as a way to prove that snape is a horrible person who would always choose the death eater path which is so dumb bc like ?? if snape had a good home life, supportive parents, wasn’t bullied and had friends and adults who cared about him maybe he wouldn’t have chosen to be a death eater. if kreacher wasn’t hurt, regulus would never have turned against voldemort. if something happened to draco, narcissa would have turned against harry. it’s just a useless argument which will never get you anywhere bc, while they can chose to believe it, that the matter of the fact is it’s not canon, it’s a headcanon, which they can have but it should never be used in a debate or a discussion. it just won’t get you anywhere.

and you are right, snape was very much a product of his environment. even if lily hadn’t existed, he was still poor and abused and not entirely safe amongst his slytherin peers, esp at this time where voldemort was actively recruiting and spreading propoaganda. but who knows, bc as i said, it’s all what ifs.

him having an intrest in the dark arts never seemed like such a big deal to me? idk if this is just me, but it’s like u said, i always thought his interests were acedemic based, he’s the type that wants to know everything about everything and does his own independent researches and he hones his skill. and it comes in handy too - when dumbledore got cursed bc of the ring it was snapes knowledge of the dark arts that saved him and allowed him more time to live. for a child with an abusive muggle father and a pureblood mother, he was probably grateful for anything magical that he could get his hands on to feel closer to his roots and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. however, dark magic is dark magic and it’s dangerous - it was the responsibility of the adults in his life to shelter him from that but no one ever cared enough to do that for him so he was let loose to do as he pleased, and that is what caught his interest which developed and progressed into something more as he grew older, which we see with him inventing his own spells (specifically sectumsempra).

the odds were really against him from such a young age :/ it’s sad

#h2o ask #severus snape #pro snape

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

#the number of these which I hate with a passion now #fuck my life #HATE SJM #MAD about grishaverse #ASHAMED of bridgerton and the feminism leeched from my soul after reading this

[cindyburman]

How do you think the Arrowverse Justice League would react to seeing a fifteen year old superhero? Would they include courtney in the team or take her to world ending fights? If you have any headcanons hand them over please

omg i absolutely love this ask. disclaimer though, i’ve never watched arrow or flash so my knowledge of them is limited to crossovers so i’m just gonna. ignore them for now. that being said...

the legends are like “oh another jsa? cool.” and that’s it. they’ve seen weirder shit.

the legends are all such enablers but wbk. courtney’s like “yeah i blew up an evil guy’s car accidentally :/” and sara’s like “nice. go for his house next time.” yolanda’s five seconds from having an aneurysm the whole time they’re on the waverider (“i hoped that courtney would become more responsible as she gained more experience, but you guys have been doing this for YEARS and you’re just as bad”)

courtney tried to convince lita to join and she almost succeeds but then mick is just like “no. it’s a school night.”

all the other heroes are like “wtf you guys are actual children you can’t be heroes” and lock them up in the batcave or the deo or whatever

if they’re in the batcave then courtney and beth are freaking out over all the tech and luke is all “please don’t touch that it’s VERY volatile... oh god they touched it.” mary is v mad that they were all just allowed into the batcave (“kate, do you even know them or are you just letting random strangers in at this point??”). rick is Living because he’s basically young batman in terms of backstory and moodiness and of COURSE he always wanted an underground lair

if they’re in the deo then alex and lena (bc we’re just going to pretend she’s still working with the deo here) are like “teeenage superheroes?? this is so interesting” and they try to take the cosmic staff to do tests on it but it is Not Happy about that and blows up some shit to show that. courtney’s just like “yeah the staff is just Like That sometimes. i can’t really control it” and alex and lena are like “hmm. cool. so we’re just going to back away really slowly.” they try to do tests on them next and beth is like “sure! :)” and yolanda is like “i guess if it helps” but courtney is like “no time! we have to go defeat the villain!” and rick is like “yeah, pass.” nia is all “awww they’re so cute!” and they’re very “we aren’t cute, we’re superheroes!” and nia’s just like “adorable :)”

nia and beth bond over being super optimistic bubbly types. okay this next part is all just what i want to happen and def not canon lol, but i think that alex and yolanda would bond as well bc (thanks to the one anon who pointed this out!) they’re very similar in that they both repressed their sexuality for like forever and thus were (and still are, in yolanda’s case) unhappy teens bc of all the comp het they experienced. okay wishful thinking over.

the batsquad and supersquad obviously try to keep the kids contained while they find out more about the Big Bad but we know how courtney deals with orders from adults (that is to say, she doesn’t). so courtney and co. break out to go confront the villain (yolanda is all “shouldn’t we wait for the actual superheroes until we go do this” and courtney’s like “we are real superheroes! >:(” yolanda’s like “we’ve been doing this for like a week.”)

the superheroes realize that the mini-jsa is gone and they’re like “oh fuck” and go after them, reaching them in the nick of time.

after that, kate is like “whatever, you’re in” but kara is still very “no i can’t let you guys get hurt you are CHILDREN” (she comes around after about five times of the jsa escaping wherever they try to keep them)

okay that’s all i got! but that was super fun to think about and if we do get a crossover between stargirl and the arrowverse shows i hope this is what happens :)

#stargirl #legends of tomorrow #batwoman #supergirl #stargirl headcanons #legends of tomorrow headcanons #batwoman headcanons #supergirl headcanons #courtney whitmore #yolanda montez #wildcat #beth chapel #rick tyler #hourman #sara lance #lita rory #mick rory #kate kane #luke fox #mary hamilton #kara danvers #alex danvers #lena luthor #nia nal #dreamer #asks #anonymous #doctor mid-nite #headcanons

[vegalocity]

What would happen if Syntax actually did get cured of the venom? Would he still want to hang around Huntsman and Goliath or would he Think 'huh. Maybe having the people who KIDNAPPED ME around me and my family Probably isn't the best idea.' - Pixel Anon

Uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah I think the answer is Not Good Things Will Happen. I think the answer is ‘Y’all are down an integral clan member hope you didn’t have any plans that hinged on technology or science in general right now.’

Honestly I think you don’t even need to throw Minyi and Xiuying into that equation to make that the answer. Even if you assume Syntax was essentially just alone in the world before spiderfication if he got the spider limbs pulled off and the venom drained from his system, no matter WHAT his Backstory is i think he’d just book it, he’d be OUTTA THERE he is GONE. He’s running before the purple has fully faded from his skin.

And when you THROW IN the ladies, then… well even more so. He’s got Minyi in one arm, a duffel bag in the other and loading into the gd car headed for Xiuying’s cabin to lay low for awhile.

(this gets long so it's under the cut)

Like, most people like to assume that there was a sort of… adjustment period when he had just been spiderfied, usually the flavor of ‘someone (usually Huntsman) reminding him of how he is at his base a human, not a spider, not one of them, and the second he stops being useful is the second he’s only good for how he’ll taste’ and even if he wasn’t afraid of whoever it was in the moment, confident in his ability to manuver extra limbs that aren’t there anymore and speed that wasn’t there either, all the physical additions that being a Spider Demon had are suddenly gone and that threat about being the next meal for the clan suddenly feels a lot more real. Even IF the others had actually grown attached to him and Minyi and even Xiuying, the fact of the matter is if these people decided to kill them all he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Something I could see having kind of a ‘disney channel cartoon’ resolution in this setup is a thing idk if i’ve mentioned before involving Minyi or not. Bc Minyi, as i know i have mentioned, fucking HATES Spider Queen, and at first for awhile there she was very vocal about it, she hated that her dad was working for her, she hated that he wanted her approval, and most of all she hated that whenever she’d say any of that to him, he’d just sort of… not listen.

Even when even Minyi knows what she’s talking about is silly or irrational, she never really feels like Daddy isn’t listening. Even when she’s wrong and he has to explain to her what it was that was wrong, she still felt like he was listening to her as she talked. But not this. Never this. Minyi’s an observant child, her plotline hinges on it, so she knows when Adults tune her out, she knows when she’s being condescended to. And when Daddy tells her that of course he wants to stay Loyal to Spider Queen and she’s Really Cool Actually she can tell he wasn’t listening to a word she’d actually said. Because he never mentions forgiving her for stealing him, or that he knows it might look like she pushes him around but he knows he’s always in control of the situation, or anything that would actually ANSWER her questions or settle her worries. She just… might as well have stomped her foot and yelled like she was half her age.

And now that his head is clear he can look back on that and be… embarrassed? guilty? His daughter was warning him that whole time out of honest fear and concern that she only barely had the vocabulary and emotional complexity to understand And he brushed her off as if it was nothing. And to rub some salt into it now that his head is clear and the unrelenting force of the Spider demanding subserviance to the Queen is gone it’s obvious that his fucking six year old was right about his ‘boss’ being bad news. So of course he figures he owes Minyi an apology, but Minyi’s just happy that he’s listening to her again so it’s all okay in the end.

And if this is the Cyberhunt timeline then can I get an F in the chat for Huntsman? Bc he ain’t even getting a breakup scene, i don’t think he’d even get a letter outside of the ‘I’m leaving the clan and leaving the city with my family. Don’t try to find us’ that goes out to all of the clan (maybe even still implying that Syntax DOES still have that Spider amplification in him so it’s not just a flimsy ‘stay away’ from an equally flimsy human)

I could see Syntax as being pretty mad at himself for letting the relationship happen at all in that context. Like yeah, his brain was all scrambled up and he can’t ACTUALLY be held accountable for decisions made with the fact that he wasn’t really in his right mind for the whole thing, but it still happened. But now it’s over, and- and it was just some echo of venom that hadn’t quite metabolized yet that left a bitter taste in his mouth to acknowledge that those people weren’t really friends, that he wasn’t really-... His brain is still re-adjusting, he’ll be fine in time.

Minyi I don't think would quite get certain parts about this, in her mind, the big boss is always the bad guy and the other people around are just as scared of the big boss as the person they’re bullying. So to her only Spider Queen was the bad guy. So when Daddy turned back to normal and said that they weren’t safe from the bad guys anymore and needed to go stay at Auntie Xiuying’s cabin for awhile she’d thought that Uncle Huntsman and Uncle Goliath hadn’t come along simply because Uncle Goliath didn’t fit in the car. That they’d catch up with them soon. Because surely, they’d ALL be running away from the REAL bad guy together.

So, she figures they must have gotten lost and had to head back home. Thats not good, surely that means she needs to help them find their way here like how she helped Daddy find his way home. Auntie and Daddy were both too scared of Spider Queen finding them to contact her uncles, but Minyi knew how to evade that!

She knows Uncle Huntsman likes to hang out at their apartment because he loves Daddy (she’ll keep that to herself for now, grownups don’t believe in happily ever afters) so if she mails a letter to the apartment he might find it when he eventually comes over.

She knows Uncle Huntsman doesn’t like puzzles, but he’s good with them when its something important. So she makes a cipher and writes the letter in it, copies down the decoder, and chops it up into distinct shapes, seals it all up in a letter closes the envelope with a sticker on it, and slips it into the mailbox.

Eventually Huntsman does find the letter, written in childish scrawl, the puzzle to decode the letter, and the knowledge that theres only one child on this entire damn continent that would be this obnoxiously enigmatic about sending a fucking letter.

But whatever, he wasn’t gonna do anything except sit in the apartment surrounded by things left behind and feel sorry for himself--er, that is, scavenge for anything that could be used by the Queen and take advantage of the internal heating. So he may as well do something. So he puts together the decoder, she’d just sliced it into fourths. Then translated the letter.

“Hi Uncle Huntsman! If you’re reading this that means you unlocked my letter! Yay! I knew you could! So I know you and Uncle Goliath want to leave the bad lady’s clan too and I know you’re only not here because you guys got lost.” and she just… gave them the coordinates for the place her family was hiding away. (not REALLY hiding, it wouldn’t have taken much to track down the cabin’s whereabouts through Xiuying, but the secluded nature of the cabin may as well have been)

I guess… the way the story ends depends on how you want it to end. Because Huntsman has three options, but really only two. Does he accept defeat and burn the letter, or does he do something with the information he now has? Either way he’d be betraying the queen, but he doesn’t have it in him to turn in the coordinates of their lost clan member and his family. Not this time.

There’s this youtuber i like called Breadsword, he does movie analysis, and in his video about Millenium Actress he says something along the lines of ‘My favorite moment in a romance is somewhere in the last ten minutes, after we’ve followed our characters through the buildup, payoff, and premature destruction of what they had, as they go their separate ways and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t meant to last, one rejects it and takes flight in pursuit of the other... our dreams and our love are the only things truly worth running in the name of.

#Yeah i think Cyberhunt's gonna pull the win for this timeline #this is some good shit man #letters to vega #OC: Minyi #lmk Syntax #LMK Huntsman #cyberhuntshipping

[ziracona]

Pretty sure your sudden spike in Fate content is gonna be like the third time I check something out bc you started posting it (I know next to nothing about Fate. In fact, I think I now know less than before you started). I'm rly not sure what the best starting point to get into it is, though. Any recommendation? (also I got Moriarty on your quiz and now I want to know why he's so beloved)

Oh sick! Awesome! I hope you enjoy it! 

Uhm, so, Fate notoriously swaps out like their whole creative team from work to work, so some of it is really good, and some is really bad, and some in the middle, because it’s made by very different people. The things I am most into are UBW, and Fate Go. Fate Go is a little gatcha phone game, that suffers from the fate of the whole fate franchise but as a single unit. They swap out writers from arc and event to arc and event, so sometimes you’re living and thriving, and sometimes you’re like *thousand yard glazed, pained stare* ‘why the fuck did I download this game?’ Very mixed bag. I enjoy it because I just kinda blow through any arc I don’t like and skim, and then go hella into the good ones, but it’s very much an individual matter of taste one. It’s very fun to collect spirits and get to know them though, and some of the arcs are fantastic. Also, they have made/are making some of the Fate Go arcs into shows, and I expect the ones that are of good game arcs are good? But I haven’t actually checked any out myself yet--I really need to watch E Pluribus Unum, because it was an easy top 3 arc for me in the game.

I’m big into Fate, but I actually have approximate knowledge of many things? And have not consumed as much media as you’d think. I tend to hear people really like Fate Zero, and very mixed reviews of Apocrypha, but I would wholeheartedly recommend the Fandom Classic(tm) and my personal fave as where to start, which is Unlimited Blade Works.

Sorry this is so long. Okay, so. Originally, Fate Stay/Night was a visual novel with three paths/routes: Fate, Unlimited Blade Works, and Heaven’s Feel. All of these are shows now. Unlimited Blade Works was made twice. Do not watch the early one; it’s bad. Watch the 2014 TV series--it’s on Netflix right now. Don’t watch the English dub--the VAs are...not great. 110% recommend watching it in Japanese/original dub, with subtitles. (This one)

My usual pitch is that if you’re a normal person, you’ll probably go “This was a little confusing, but I really got into it: 8.3/10″, and if you’re like me and you never really gave up on wanting to become a superhero and save the world some day, you’ll go: “It was fantastic, 18/10, but it also ripped out my soul and left me wounded but somehow in an okay way.” Either way very worth watching. Since it’s not the first route, there are some things they don’t explain about the world because they kind of assume the viewer will know, but that’s pretty minimal--it’s def coherent enough that the more confusing bits are more of a “Uh, okay. I think.” than a “W-What the fuck is going on?”

It’s really good. Two seasons, the most beautiful fighting in almost anything I’ve ever seen, phenomenal soundtrack, and one of the best show opens (Season 2′s) of any show I ever saw. All around a just big blanket rec from me. It’s a long-time fan favorite for a reason. It’s one of my fave shows ever :’-] It was. Very personal to me.

Uhhhh what else--okay so, on Netflix if you watch it there, and a lot of streaming sites, they list “Episode 0″ or “Prologue” as the first episode? This was originally bonus content, not the first episode. It’s basically the first episode from not the MC’s point of view, but a different major character. It’s got some really great character moments and insight into Rin and Archer, and it’s fun, but since it was originally bonus, the pacing is super weird? So I would recommend you start with actual episode 1/Winter Days, A Fateful Night instead? Unless you just want to. Like it won’t mess up the show, but it might give you a weird idea of what the pacing is. So you can watch it first if you want, or later whenever you’re curious about those two, just like, if you start on it, don’t get overwhelmed by the stuff they’re not explaining, or the weird pacing. It’s supposed to be bonus content haha.

Very happy you’re interested! I really love UBW so I hope you enjoy it! If there’s anything else you want to ask feel totally free! I just don’t want to ramble for eight years about my special interest and fall into a black hole unprompted haha. : D Very happy you’ve been intrigued by my weird spike of fate content WAIT YOU ASKED ABOUT CRIME GRANDPA HOW COULD I FORGET.

Woof this is gonna be a long ask answer. Uhhhh, so Moriarty is from Fate Grand Order/Fate Go, the phone game. The game has three major arc sets so far: Grand Order, Epic of Remnant, and Cosmos in the Lostbelts. He’s from Epic of Remnant, and he’s universally beloved because he’s amazing. The MC in Fate Go is like 16, but he or she (you get to pick) is constantly having to risk their life and be hurt and traumatized and watch people die to save the world because there’s no one else to do it, and usually people are...not super nice to them. Moriarty shows up in the first of the second set of arcs and is like ‘Haha that’s a wholeass human child tho. Guys. Guys, a-are you sure about this?’ and he’s really there to pull of a massive evil culmination-of-my-life’s-entire-work-and-value scheme, but this kid is nice to him, and has nobody who looks out for them, and Evil Has Standards, so (Arc End Spoilers for that one ahead) he ends up giving up basically at the last minute. He had a plan that was totally working and could have won, but can’t really pull the trigger, because winning would mean this kid who has been nice to him and is already a massive pile of trauma and pressure and mental illness would die, and he cares more about them than his life’s goal. In Go usually boss fights are progressively harder, but his is super easy because he throws it, and chooses to lose, and basically throws away his life’s work for this one kid because nobody else is taking care of them, and lets himself get killed. This is a pattern with him. Other high points include later being 5 seconds into a scheme when Frankenstein (the girl one, who in fgo is like 14) stops him to call him Papa and asks for help, so he adopts her on the spot and just is her dad forever after that. He’s very goofy and I love him; he’s evil, but I’d trust him with my life, because he’s more good than he is evil, even though he’s both. Basically he’s just a very interesting and well written villain, but he’s also like, the /best/ dad in the game at the same time, and his dialogue is amazing. Evil Has Standards team dad poster man. He’s like the only adult in Fate Go who actually is responsible, which is fuckin wild. I’ll try to find some good screenshots of his dialogue. Anyway he’s incredible and I’m so happy you got him; Crime Papa is life.

Here have some Moriarty junk: (Shinjuku arc you have 3 partners, and the other two are adults but harass the MC constantly, and this was the dynamic. Bless Moriarty) 

And here’s some him roasting Sherlock memes and being good dad to the MC

#ask #tathracyn #fate #long post

[flying-elliska]

S5 Review pt.1 : the Good

Arthur season is over, time to analyze it as a finished story ! This meta in 3 parts will go over the good, the bad and the mindboggling. My general impression of the season : excellent beginning, very meh middle, interesting ending. In short :  flawed but I feel people calling it a total disaster really are not making any effort to see it objectively. So ; let's dig into the why and how.

What I liked about this season :

A story made with and for Deaf people : It’s pretty evident when watching the interviews that Winona and Lucas really really enjoyed making the season and that it offered them an unprecedented level of representation. The creators obviously did their research, working with the people of the IVT. Personally I feel like I learned so much and the clips showing aspects of Deaf culture were among my favorites. It felt like a nuanced, rich, in-depth perspective, with details like choosing to get a cochlear implant or not, the testimony evening, the sign language class, Noee’s sign dance, the different ways to enjoy music, how to speak to someone who is Deaf, etc...showing that not everyone within that community has the same story or opinion, that they’re just people with their unique challenges but shared needs, as well as the really awesome culture that is part of being Deaf. It felt really respectful and a thousand miles away from the usual miserabilistic clichés - it brought up some concern about how difficult it is to be rejected/invisible in today’s society, but it was balanced with emotions like curiosity, admiration, and awe. I came to SKAM for the representation but I absolutely love getting educated about groups I’m not part of and I feel this is truly where the season shines. Learning from Deaf fans was also hella interesting. 

A complex discussion about disability : A central plot point, and one of my favorites, was Arthur learning to overcome his (now internalized) ableism. We see that Arthur is an overachiever and this change in his life upsets this idea of the perfect life he has in mind. He repeadedly lashes out at the other Deaf people he meets, makes fun of sign language, underlines how he is ‘not like them’ at the beginning because he is still clinging to his own self image. We can understand where this comes from when we see how condescending towards any sort of weakness, and focused on performance over empathy his father is. But as he learns to meet actual Deaf people and see the diversity and beauty of the community, he learns there is no shame in that sort of difference and learns to stand up for himself and that was amazing to see. Another important part was Laura and Melchior’s inclusion and beyond being very funny, they highlighted the idea that although disabled people have different, sometimes competing needs, they also have things in common, and that deep wish of not being discounted/othered/excluded. All the disabled characters this season were complex, real people, not there just to teach others a lesson or inspire them or be pitied or the butt of a joke, and that is so sadly rare nowadays. Even though some bits did feel a bit like a PSA, I feel like overall it was very well done. 

The politics of desirability : A theme running through the season is the idea that who we are attracted to is socially constructed and can really be biased by our prejudices. Alexia expressed this idea (albeit clumsily) in the bar scene early on, and this came back when she talked about her insecurities. This was also present in Laura’s insistence that disabled people have certain needs like everybody else. And finally, it’s present in Arthur’s own struggles - his fear of not being able to sleep with his girlfriend with his hearing aids, and his own difficulties in seeing what is happening with Noee and him saying ‘she’s deaf’ to the question ‘is she beautiful’ even as he is obviously into her. Our society gives us this incredibly narrow set of criteria for who is considered attractive - thin, white, able bodied, etc - but people’s actual real patterns of attraction and finding beauty are, when you set those prejudices aside, and see the beauty of people for who they are and not how well they fit a box, so much more broad and generous and diverse and I loved how this season highlighted that. 

Technical excellence : God, the cinematography this season was absolutely off the charts, it makes me wish they could redo previous seasons with this amount of style. Shots like Arthur under the shower, or that party at the Asso with the blurry dancing, the shots in the pool, or the ones from the farm episode...INCREDIBLE. The sound editing was used sooooo well to put us in Arthur’s shoes, it was a wonder and I really felt how intense the change must have been for him because of that. And the acting is impeccable. You can really feel how well these actors know their characters by now, they have total mastery of their portrayal. Robin did an awesome job with tough scenes, but just...everyone was on their best game really. 

A nuanced portrayal of abuse : Arthur’s relationship with his father was thouroughly heartbreaking, and it felt very real. I am very grateful that they didn’t try to redeem him - it’s important to show that even if you are trying your best, some people are toxic abusers and the best thing you can do is take your distance. I felt it right away, in the subtle way he was dismissing and belittling his wife and son, in the ways he was asserting his control over them, and I wasn’t surprised at all when more came out. It surprised me in the beginning that so many people were arguing that the father was caring, just strict - I feel like the signs were so obvious but I guess that’s the point. Abuse is a pattern that becomes visible over time and abusers can be perfectly charming and reasonable to people who don’t know what it’s like. Growing up with that is isolating and terrifying and it does awful things to your self esteem and your capacity to be in tune with your feelings. We can see that when Arthur basically defends his father’s actions because he is still so eager to have his love and placate him. Arthur’s behavior did not come from nowhere and it was inspiring to see him grow past that and realize he did not have to perpetuate the pattern and make his own choices. Also, his relationship with his mom was very sweet, supportive (her smoking weed with him was awesome) but complex - the way he was mean to her sometimes, condescending bc of her lack of studies ; the way she blamed herself for not seeing sooner - she must have been subjected to Patrick’s more emotional abuse, and so she will probably feel like she should have reacted sooner or known and that’s like...painful ugh. This whole thing was so raw and real. And it was incredibly important to see the nurse and her Jerome - adults, with medical knowledge - see Arthur’s situation and tell him that sometimes you just have to leave. 

Highs and lows of friendship : Basile !!!! I was not a fan in s3 but the great aspect of POV shift is allowing us to see some characters through a different angle - even though I think Basile went through a lot of growth too. In Lucas’s season he was meant to be the annoying gross overly straight guy as a contrast - but for Arthur he is this devoted friend that is so open and sincere in his affection that his awkwardness comes off as endearing instead. You really understand why those two are friends : Arthur is smart, sarcastic, he can help Basile with social awareness and hype him up, but he’s also so painfully guarded and finds it hard to express emotion, I think, and it makes sense he loves Basile’s spontaneity and big heart. Meeting his grandfather was also so funny and endearing, as were all the marks of more physical affection he wasn’t afraid to show Arthur. I think having a friend like that is part of what allows Arthur to finally stand up on his own - whether against his father or deciding he needs to be single to figure himself out. As for the Gang in general, I loved the moments where they were all happy together (the early graffiti clip is truly one of the shining moments of the season for me) but their later spat is also quite understandable to me. I find it very realistic that although they are trying their best to accomodate their new friend’s disability, they’re going to mess up, that’s part of the process. The most important thing, I think, when faced with someone who is different from you, is to engage with it (respectfully) - ask questions, not assume. And communicate ffs.  I also really liked those moments where the Crew and Gang came together, it gave this big end of high school vibe where all the squads merge and there is this feeling of having gone through an ordeal together that makes everyone closer.  There were also so many funny moments  that were absolute gold (the wheelbarrow ! the dinosaur balloons ! Imane getting attacked by chickens ! Emma and her horse! ).

Arthur on his own : I liked the more introspective moments we got this season. The successive alarms while he was angsting about his hearing coming back were such a clever way to put us in his perspective - there is already a lot of stress linked to a morning alarm, isn’t there ? We all know that moment in the morning where we don’t want to get out of bed and face the world, and taking that emotion and adding Arthur’s absolute stress at realizing that this change is lasting, it was really effective. Arthur’s link to water, as a symbol of another world where sound is much more diffuse, is quite interesting too. And the moment in last episode where he puts his glasses back on, too, as a more obvious sign of a disability that is very socially accepted and that is just part of who he is, just as his hearing loss is. We also got a moment with the bench of loneliness that was an interesting parallel with s3. (I love how the Buttes-Chaumont parc has become this double symbol in Skam France of both loneliness/alienation/putting on a mask and growth/return to authenticity.) And I like that he ended up the season single and deciding to figure himself out. It’s a big aspect of his character that he has spent too much time trying to conform to expectations and that he was super walled off as a result, that he hurt others without realizing, that he found himself boring, that he didn’t seem to open up to his friends, etc...and in the end he is a lot more open but he also knows there is a part of growth that being in a relationship cannot bring him. He can’t use women the way his father did. I respect that a lot, honestly, it’s what saved the end of the season for me, that they didn’t end up putting one girl above the other and made it about Arthur being lost and needing to find his way on his own. 

The tornado and the sunshine : The new characters were awesome. Her role in the plot set aside, I really liked Noée as a character concept. I think Winona was awesome, and I liked Noée’s mix of warmth and feistiness. I like that they let her be angry at the way the world treated her, and compassionate at the same time. Also her headbutting that guy in the club that didn’t want to listen to her was !!! iconic. I loved her style, too, and that dance was so beautiful. Camille was a great addition to the team too, Arthur was lucky to find someone that patient and his dry humor but sunny disposition were great too. It was cute to see him with Mika as a couple of gurus - that we did get a Deaf/hearing couple was a good addition to the season, I think - and I hope we’ll see both of those new characters next season, too. 

Queen Alexia : She was definitely one of the characters I had the most emotions for this season. She’s just so cool and her perspective on life is just so mature and interesting, her acceptance of herself and others so inspiring - a lot of the early clips with her were adorable. I loved how supportive she was in such a creative, playful way - that game she made for Arthur, the boards she brought, etc. The moments she talked about her insecurities, if bittersweet because of what happened later, remains one of my faves from the season. She was so beautiful framed by rainbows (also apparently that’s her sign name ? Amazing.) And the moment where she sings was just...oof. She was really brave and strong to be able to do that, to express her emotions and hurt in such a public, dignified and creative way. It was a moment of reckoning for Arthur, putting him on the spot and recognizing how much he hurt her, but it was done in such a graceful way - the way she signed to signal her acceptance of his Deafness, the reminder that she loves him and won’t be able to forget that immediately, and a rejoinder to recognize his feelings towards Noee, etc. She wasn’t perfect (organizing that meeting without asking really pushed it a bit too far - you can’t rush someone else’s self acceptance) but she was just ...really good. 

Elu as an established couple : One of my biggest reproaches to s3 is that they didn’t give us enough fluff after all the drama (time constraints, I know, etc.) But this season they really delivered. And listen I know some fans love to blather about fanservice but fuck it, I just love seeing a healthy domestic queer couple on screen !!!! It’s just so bloody healing, because they feel real and in love like nothing I have ever seen on screen before. Maybe because so often straight actors are so awkward at playing queer intimacy and they’re really not. Seeing them in their new appartment was like a pure shot of serotonin - morning croissants ! fairylights everywhere ! but I also liked that it wasn’t too fluffy one note. We can still see that Eliott struggles with MI, that Lucas has some insecurities, but yet their devotion to each other is still as strong, as in “he’s my boyfriend and I love him.” It was a hopeful note throughout the season, Lucas being persistent and devoted all through the challenges of being with someone who is mentally ill. Also, I really liked Eliott’s role this season, as a sort of...provider for the Gang ? Getting them a van, bringing them to the cool graffiti place, making this fresque for them...you can feel he’s not 100% part of the gang because he’s older, already in college, etc, but at the same time he has sort of an observer role that can give them things no one else can. I feel like Lucas confided in him about the troubles they were going through and Eliott can empathize with being treated different, the fear of losing your friends...so Eliott helped them in his unique way, through art. And him having this new secret place he can bring more people to, and so full of color and sharing his art with people and !!!! God I’m emo he’s just my fave character ever really. 

The pressure of the future : Listen the last year of high school in France is horrible, there is the pressure from the BAC + half the people are passing entrance exams and doing interviews for the stuff you want to do later and it’s so stressful and I’m glad they touched on that at least a little. Emma really embodied this theme this season, of the pressure of not wanting to know what you want to do later. It’s really when you realize that they’re all so young and being asked to make such big decisions for their entire lives is really sort of fucked up, and I think her being there is a way to dedramatize not knowing, and gives Arthur the freedom to see he doesn’t want to be a doctor ; I liked the apt comparison with Imane’s passion for medecine. I wish we’d seen more of Arthur figuring out his real passion (did he make that painting or what ?) but I appreciated this storyline. 

Overall, I think this season was full of excellent moments - either funny, heartwarming, heartbreaking, or edifying - and it provided some much needed quality representation for the Deaf community. In that, and having educated a lot of people, it is at least somewhat a success. However, as a whole, it did not quite come together for me, which is what I will analyze in my next post. 

#skam france #skamfr s5 #skam france meta #my meta #arthur broussard

[haec-est-fides]

Filodox’s Trials of Apollo Reactions [Part I]

Welcome to part one of a reflective journey through Trials of Apollo ft. my original ebook annotations! I’ll be your host, 2020!filodox.

For this first episode, we’ll be going back to May 2016, the beginning of it all: The Hidden Oracle.

Annotations for this round are brought to you by 2016!filodox.

Is there anything we should know before we begin, 2016!me?

2016!filodox: I swore on the Styx never to read another Riordan book after he killed Octavian. And yet here we are.

... Alright then! Let’s get started.

But first, a more detailed overview on how this series will work: I will excerpt bits and pieces of the books based on what I highlighted / annotated on my first read. Beneath each quote, I will share what I wrote in the annotation. Below that, I will (occasionally) laugh at my past self, clarify the note, or say how my view has changed.

I encourage questions, comments, and concerns (of which there may be many), so go ahead and use that replies feature if you feel so inclined! However, these are just my opinions and (occasionally) emotional reactions, so no hate pls. <3 (Or, if you do send hate, pls make it funny.)

Now, diving right in with Riordan’s dedication!

To The Muse Calliope. This is long overdue. Please don’t hurt me.

2016!filodox: Hurt him. He didn’t even name the chapters.

As you can see, I had yet to experience Lester’s haiku and was already mad based on the table of contents alone. I went into this series very salty...

I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy.

2016!filodox: At least he did something right. Once.

I was just,,,extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill. (Though I was a huge Troy / Aeneas stan before all this, just to be clear.)

Is anything sadder than the sound of a god hitting a pile of garbage bags?

2016!filodox: I actually find this particular god crashing into a dumpster quite amusing.

I also blamed Apollo for what happened to Octavian. I think that had a lot to do with how Apollo acted on Delos in Heroes of Olympus, basically disowning Octavian and whining about how some “creature” scammed him? That was bullshit. Apollo needed to own the fact that he blessed Octavian, but he just abandoned him and denied all the blame. TL;DR I had a grudge, okay?

My mind stewed in confusion, but one memory floated to the surface -- the voice of my father, Zeus: YOUR FAULT. YOUR PUNISHMENT.

2016!filodox: Wait, is this bc everyone blames Octavian and therefore Apollo? Bc lol but also no?

*cough* Octavian did nothing wrong 2k16 *cough*

Zeus will reconsider, I told myself. He’s just trying to scare me. Any moment, he will yank me back to Olympus and let me off with a warning.

“Yes...” My voice sounded hollow and desperate. “Yes, that’s it.”

2016!filodox: Apollo is a self centered frat boy, I forgot...but it is slightly...endearing? *narrows eyes*

Ah, how close I was to stanning Lester in the first chapter, when he was at his most “goddy”. You know, I actually made a rule for myself when I started reading Trials of Apollo that I would not under any circumstances stan Apollo. That was a naive goal, because it was never really a danger.

Regardless, Zeus had held me responsible for Octavian’s delusions of grandeur. Zeus seemed to consider egotism a trait the boy had inherited from me. Which is ridiculous. I am much too self-aware to be egotistical.

2016!filodox: I am going to Murder him.

*chef kiss* the hypocrisy ! the lack of self-awareness !

“I just...I assumed -- I hoped this would be taken care of by now.”

“You mean by demigods,” Percy said, “going on a big quest to reclaim the Oracle of Delphi?”

2016!filodox: That sounds like a decent quest, or you know, QUESTING FOR THE SIBYLLINE BOOKS

I’ve always said I can see the future but an inch to the left. Also, I don’t like Ella.

It warmed my heart that my children had the right priorities: their skills, their images, their views on YouTube. Say what you will about gods being absentee parents; our children inherit many of our finest personality traits.

2016!filodox: AND HE’S MAD ABOUT OCTAVIAN?!

I mean ?

Apollo, when Austin and Kayla show ambition: THEY GOT THAT FROM ME <3

Apollo, when Octavian (or Nero, or Caligula) shows ambition: srry i don’t know him ??

He had a weak jawline, an overlarge nose, and a beard that wrapped around his double chin like a helmet strap. His hair was curly and dark like mine, except not as fashionably tousled or luxuriant. His lips curled as if he smelled something unpleasant. Perhaps it was the burning seats of the bus.

2016!filodox: Nero ???

Not quite sure how to feel looking back at this moment. Call out post @ myself for instantly recognizing Nero, when afaik this scene was before we had any hints that Roman emperors were even a plot point? But here’s the thing: I don’t remember why I could recognize him so easily. I don’t remember where 2016!me obtained this ancient Rome knowledge. A mystery.

On another note entirely, did Nero really like,,,astral project into Apollo’s fever dream to address him directly? Because Rhea does. And sometimes Python does. But Nero? Can he do that?

The man laughed as flames licked at his purple sleeves. “You’re not sorry yet, but you will be. Find me the gates. Lead me to the Oracle. I’ll enjoy burning it down!”

2016!filodox: I too enjoy burning things down. # Nero confirmed

My only comment here is “oh you sweet summer child,,,”

Oh. Perhaps some of you are wondering how I felt seeing [Will] with a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend.

2016!filodox: No, actually. I wasn’t wondering. I was plotting how to kill you, them, and quite a few other people. Do you think I could trade you for Octavian?

Oh man, back at it again with the salt. XD

I could only remember my conversations with Octavian, the way he’d turned my head with his flattery and promises. That stupid boy...it was his fault I was here.

A voice whispered in the back of my mind. This time I thought it might be my conscience: Who was the stupid boy? It wasn’t Octavian.

2016!filodox: I can’t really...explain my emotions upon reading this. I’m still not quite okay, but this...it’s bittersweet in a way. I don’t know if this is a poor attempt at a proper closure, the author’s way of beating a dead horse, or just a way to make Apollo seem pitiable. Whatever it is... Octavian was important enough to remain in Apollo’s mortal memory. He somehow made promises to a god and had Apollo wrapped around his finger. And despite being so much like Apollo, the god blames him. Like everyone blames him. But Apollo also realizes, accepts on an infinitesimal scale, that “it wasn’t Octavian”. He wasn’t perfect, but neither is Apollo. Apollo is (at least) subconsciously admitting his own guilt in the whole affair.

...yeah. I will note that this bit isn’t meant to develop Octavian, but rather uses Octavian as a prop to support Apollo’s development? Which is why it still stings. Like thanks, I guess.

“Your judgement in the past has been...questionable. I wonder if you have chosen the right tools for this job. Have you learned from your past mistakes?”

2016!filodox: Nero has made plenty of mistakes to learn from

Love how I just assumed it was Nero back in chapter 10 and went with it, zero hesitation. Also love how I heard Python say Nero has made mistakes and went “oh absolutely”. In fact, here’s something funny in retrospect that will become more and more apparent: I did not like Nero in 2016. Or, at least, I thought I didn’t. There’s something really odd going on here that baffles me, looking back...

“A triumvirate is a ruling council of three,” I said. “At least, that’s what it meant in ancient Rome.”

“Which is interesting,” Rachel said, “because of this next shot.” She tapped her screen. The new photo zoomed in on the building’s penthouse terrace, where three shadowy figures stood talking together....

2016!filodox: Is it bad that I’m smirking? Because it’s getting interesting ~ *clear malicious intent*

Wow, edgy. Triumvirates are just a neat, Roman thing and I stanned.

“The last triumvirate I dealt with included Lepidus, Marc Antony, and my son, the original Octavian. A triumvirate is a very Roman concept...like patriotism, skullduggery, and assassination.”

2016!filodox: THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE. MODERN OCTAVIAN IS A VERY GOOD ANCIENT ROMAN. POLITICS, ESPECIALLY SHADY AF POLITICS AND POWERPLAYS, ARE QUINTESSENTIALLY ROMAN. Also, I’d like to note that it’s confirmed, in this universe’s canon, that Augustus was a son of Apollo.

Ohhhh, wait. I think I’d watched the HBO series Rome by 2016, which would at least partially explain my ancient Rome knowledge. (Amazing tv show btw!)

“He heard them talking in Latin.”

“Latin? Were they campers?”

Pete spread his hands. “I--I don’t think so. Paulie described them like they were adults. He said one of them was the leader. The other two addressed him as imperator.”

2016!filodox: !!!! (obligatory 💕)

I was such a simp for Latin in high school. And the Roman Empire. Still am, but hey.

“The Beast is planning some kind of attack on your camp. I don’t know what it is, but it’s going to be big.”

2016!filodox: Runs in the family I guess

The Octavian / Triumvirate parallels are everywhere... 👀

“The emperors made themselves gods. They had their own temples and altars. They encouraged the people to worship them.”

2016!filodox: # deify me

*smacking my past self with a stick* You stop that! Edgy child!

Anyway, a much better point here is like,,,the Imperial cult was huge in the ancient Roman world. Looking at Apollo’s explanation here, why did only the “worst” three emperors get to be immortal? Did famously “good” emperors like Augustus and Marcus Aurelius have the option of becoming minor gods, but they chose Elysium or something? Are there slightly less infamous emperors just hanging around anywhere as minor gods? A lot of Roman emperors live on in human memory is all I’m saying.

“Wait!” Will said as I reached the door. “Who is the Beast? Which emperor are we dealing with?”

“The worst of my descendants.” My fingers dug into the doorframe. “The Christians called him the Beast because he burned them alive. Our enemy is Emperor Nero.”

2016!filodox: I honestly can’t believe it took this long to reveal this? Was anyone surprised?

Nero’s reveal is rather late in the book compared to Commodus, Caligula, and even Tarquin iirc? But it makes sense, being the first book of the series. Also love how 16-year-old me was like “this reveal is silly because everyone, like me, recognizes Nero on sight” and didn’t question that assumption at all.

“Germani.” Instinctively, I moved in front of Meg. The elite imperial bodyguards had been cold-blooded death reapers in ancient Rome. I doubted they’d gotten any sweeter over the centuries.

2016!filodox: BITCH. See? This is why I love Rome. They knew what they were doing.

Ngl, as someone of Germanic heritage, I felt really represented by the Germani, which is hilarious on so many levels.

He tried to compensate for his ugliness with an expensive Italian suit of purple wool, his gray shirt open to display gold chains. His shoes were hand-tooled leather, not the sort of thing to wear while stomping around in an ant pile. Then again, Nero had always had expensive, impractical tastes.

2016!filodox: I don’t exactly like Nero, and actually think he was quite the shitty emperor, but I guess I mildly respect and “like” him on principle (in this book at least).

OH YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I was so convinced that I didn’t actually like Nero, despite all of the lowkey evidence to the contrary? Who hurt you, past me? (Lmao, it was Tacitus, Suetonius, and Cassius Dio.) My working theory is that I was too much of an Emperor Augustus stan at the time to admit liking Nero. It’s hysterical. Look at me equivocating like a champ.

I’d been so proud of my son, the original Octavian, later Caesar Augustus. After his death, his descendants became increasingly arrogant and unstable (which I blamed on their mortal DNA; they certainly didn’t get those qualities from me).

2016!filodox: I’m glad Apollo and I can agree on something. Augustus was amazing and those who came after him...significantly less so.

See! The propaganda really got to me, what can I say?

Nero clasped his hands as if in prayer. “Oh, my. It seems we’ve had a slight miscommunication. You see, Apollo, Meg brought you here, just as I asked her to. Well done, my sweet.”

2016!filodox: This was obvious but I still find it...gods, the only word I can think of is “delicious”

. . .

“The Beast killed my father. This is Nero. He’s -- he’s my stepfather.”

I could not fully grasp this before Nero spread his arms.

“That’s right, my darling,” he said. “And you’ve done a wonderful job. Come to Papa.”

2016!filodox: Okay, but we should have known this since it became apparent her weapons were Roman. Also, oof. Also also, WHY did Riordan feel the need to add that last line? Why?

ASDFGHJKL: I CAN’T

“After the fire, we’ll rebuild,” he said. “It will be glorious!”

2016!filodox: The amount of times I have used this very logic is worrying.

For (some) context, Firelord Ozai is my favorite character from AtLA. <3

The scene might have been funny except that the Germani were now back on their feet, five demigods and a geyser spirit were still tied to highly flammable posts, and Nero still had a box of matches.

2016!filodox: Oh, I find this plenty amusing!

The emperor stared at his empty hand. “Meg...?” His voice was as cold as an icicle.

2016!filodox: The various ways his tone / voice have been described throughout this conversation are just 💕

*looks at camera like I’m on The Office*

Seriously, though. Nero’s voice is like the central descriptive element of his character because he’s so manipulative. It’s really cool and a great use of detail.

[Meg] turned to Nero. “You told me never to lower myself to my enemies’ level.”

“No, indeed.” Nero’s tone had frayed like a weathered rope. “We are better. We are stronger. We will build a glorious new world. But these nonsense-spewing trees stand in our way, Meg. Like any invasive weeds, they must be burned. And the only way to do that is with a true conflagration -- flames stoked by blood.”

2016!filodox: Real 👏🏻 Gods 👏🏻 Require 👏🏻 Blood👏🏻

I was way too enthusiastic about this whole situation, wasn’t I?

Nero grinned. “Good-bye, Apollo. Only eleven more Olympians to go.”

2016!filodox: Wait, shit, WHAT

Having read Tower of Nero, this probably had something to do with Python interfering with the Fates, huh? But does that mean it’s more Python’s plan or Nero’s? If this was Nero’s plan (with his 12 kids literally replacing the Olympians) that’s,,,really fucking bold.

Then I heard the screaming from Camp Half-Blood.

2016!filodox: Music to my ears ~

I’m presenting every edgy detail of my annotations so I have a proper case file when I inevitably have to face the question “On a scale of one to ten, how relatable is Emperor Nero and why should you have realized it’s a ten sooner?”

In a flash of silver light, the camp’s magical barriers collapsed. The Colossus lurched forward and brought his foot down on the dining pavilion, smashing it to rubble like so many children’s blocks.

2016!filodox: Payback! Dear gods, I can’t stop smiling! I’m just like “YES!” I know this will all probably get fixed or whatever but I’M HAVING A MOMENT.

I’ve learned to appreciate the small wins. <3

Percy grabbed one of the crown’s sunray spikes. He sliced it off at the base, then jabbed it into the Colossus’ forehead.

2016!filodox: As much as Nero is FAR from my favorite, I really don’t like defacing ancient (or replicas of ancient) statues and art...

This is where I just start laughing at myself tbh. I was so insistent on not liking Nero. Like, I sound like I’m in denial. Peak equivocation. What happened to that heart emoji a few chapters back? Why did I suddenly make it about *checks notes* ancient art? Updated translation: nooo don’t ruin the Colossus Neronis it’s so sexy aha

Just as the [arrow] reached its apex and was about to fall back to earth, a gust of wind caught it...perhaps Zephyros looking kindly on my pitiful attempt. The arrow sailed into the Colossus’ ear canal and rattled in his head with a clink, clink, clink like a pachinko machine.

2016!filodox: HOW MANY EX MACHINAS IS THIS ?! The dryads, the arrow, Percy, the enchantment, and THIS ?

One of my criticisms of Trials of Apollo in general is just that the stakes are so much higher and Riordan usually solves that problem by having his heroes win on long odds. The chances of them succeeding at like,,,anything they attempt are astronomical, but of course they manage. It’s not surprising but it does get a little tiring.

“Yo, Nico,” Leo called, “please tell me that’s it for the physical abuse.”

“For now.” Nico smiled. “We’re still trying to get in touch with the West Coast. You’ll have a few dozen people out there who will definitely want to hit you.”

2016!filodox: Oh I’d love to hit him. With the flaming, Imperial gold payload of an onager. Preferably WITHOUT the Pontifex Maximus attached to it -- unless of course you mean the false pontifex, Jason Grace.

Leo was the salt in the wound for this one, ngl. He rekindled my undying ire over Octavian’s death. As I said at the beginning of this, I was extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill after Heroes of Olympus. That sentiment sticks around for a while...

And we can call that a wrap!

Though it may seem like it, my annotations are not, in fact, a compilation of Nero’s greatest hits. There are a lot of scenes of his that I love (naturally) but I didn’t have anything to say about them when I first read the series. Maybe I’ll share those another time.

In any case, I hope you got something out of this ridiculously long post! Until next time! <3

#trials of apollo #toa #filodox! #I don't know what any of you were expecting but this is what I've got #no these are not all of my annotations #I tried to pick the best ones #oh also #I'm sorry to everyone with hard copies of the books #since I have ebooks it's no problem to search for quotes and page numbers are imaginary #if you want me to put chapters with the quotes I can

[texanredrose]

I’m curious bc i’ve seen a lot of opinions and you seemed to have some great insight regarding ironwood,,,,what are your thoughts on winter’s characterization this volume(and overall ?? Also what do you think of her dynamic with weiss has evolved and her new dynamic with penny

Winter is my favorite dumbass.

I mean this with all sincerity; while most thought her introduction in V3 was some flavor of badass, I was headdesking because ‘holy shit, you stupid Private, what are you doing, this is why you need an adult, where’s your NCO?’ so I definitely have a different take on Winter overall than a lot of people. That being said, I spoke back during the V3-V4 days that Winter was a lot of things, like 1) a very young, very stupid soldier, 2) a big sister who was earnestly trying but, also, very bad at being a good big sister, and 3) still very much a product of her upbringing and hadn’t yet broken away in the same manner Weiss had. This volume has taken the next logical step on all three points.

Winter is aware of her role as a young, stupid soldier. She talks to Weiss about it, and how she’s taken the mission handed to her and made it her own. Something I’ve spoken about regarding the military in general is that, if you try to join the military without a clear reason, a driving force that ties you to your service, it’s just going to be pain and misery, or you’re going to reach a point where continuing to serve just isn’t worth it. Generally speaking, the military targets young, poor people with few avenues to escape or better their life situations. That driving force- the idea that, no matter how shitty your situation is, it’s better than where you came from- keeps a lot of people going, keeps them in line, allows them to fit the soldier mold. That’s not Winter; she has other avenues to pursue now that she’s armed with the skills and world knowledge to do so, much in the same way Weiss has. Winter initially used the military as an escape from Jacques, and that was her driving force prior to being designated for the Winter Maiden powers. Something I said last week was that, if she continues to follow orders, then she’s traded one set of chains for another, and this is what I was talking about when I said that. If Winter’s truly taking this mission as her own, making it her driving force- that is, actually becoming the Winter Maiden- then she’s going to rebel against Ironwood. It would be regression of her character to fall back in line; not only that, it just wouldn’t make sense in general, because she’s not in, say, Emerald’s position, where there’s nowhere to go back to if she breaks away. Winter has her huntress license, she has been earning some manner of money outside of Jacques’ allowances (remember her conversation from V3), and she’s well traveled, having been to/lived in at least Atlas, Mistral, and Vale. She has options and she’s about to have the powers of the Winter Maiden. The moment those powers are in her hands, she’s not a soldier any more, and I think she realizes that. It’s playing a long game, in a sense, but if temporary obedience secures her power that will ensure no one can chain her again, it really puts her behavior throughout the show in a more sensible light. Her criticism of Qrow, fighting him in public, watching over Penny- she’s proving herself constantly as someone who will safeguard whatever she’s told to... but not without keeping her own priorities in mind.

Her own priorities being: Weiss. Winter’s a big sister, but not a good one in some sense, and that’s not exactly her fault. Given the home situation for the Schnee family, Winter’s attempts to support and teach Weiss are tough love bordering on abusive, though I’m certain there’s no intent on Winter’s behalf to be anything other than a stellar role model for her younger sister. It’s just an unfortunate side effect of their upbringing. We see this characterized most clearly when Winter’s trying to offer commentary on Weiss’ differing form that continuously comes off as condescending. It isn’t until Weiss’ flippant, almost teasing replies that Winter appears to realize what she’s saying is not what she’s trying to say. Arguably, this could be a result of her interactions with Penny but could also just be that Winter’s genuinely bad at interpersonal relationships. For the former, Penny doesn’t have the baggage that Weiss and Winter have; she doesn’t have years of being subjected to thinly veiled insults and constant diatribe to shape her own inner voice. Ergo, when Penny hears something, she takes it at face value. For example: “I counted three missed strikes.” Weiss took this as a criticism, because, let’s face it, it sounded like a criticism. It was blunt, harsh, and a statement that could’ve definitely been worded to be more constructive. Penny, on the other hand, would probably be interested in which strikes were missed, because she doesn’t instinctively take criticism to be a bad thing. Winter’s extended interactions with Penny, I think, have made it easier for her to open up and explain, offering more than the clipped, blunt responses we saw in V3- understandable, as Penny would logically need more explanation, as her world knowledge is markedly less than everyone else, on account of her unique beginnings- but they didn’t reteach her how to be mindful of her words. It’s when Weiss teasingly responds that Winter’s like ‘oh, shit’ and starts paying more attention to her word choice. As I said, she’s genuinely trying to be a good big sister and role model, but she’s been bad at it in the past to varying degrees. However, Weiss has forged her own path, and Winter recognizes that, and it’s in this manner that they start repairing their relationship as sisters. I have more than one AU where Winter is Penny’s surrogate mother in one form or fashion, primarily because I realized at their introduction that Penny could be the one to help Winter realize her own faults, especially juxtaposed with Weiss. This volume’s nailed that on the head, giving enough context that we can easily fill in the blanks on Winter’s off screen character development and where it stems from.

Now, as I said, Winter and Weiss forged their own paths through life. Now, they stand as equals of a sort, pioneering their own ways forward, and choosing for themselves what to fight for and what to protect. Unfortunately, among other things, this volume has wrapped up- in a sense- Winter’s character arc. Winter was initially introduced by name only in V2, where Weiss was hesitant to talk to her even though she obviously regards Winter highly. In context, we can take this to mean that Weiss thought she hadn’t progressed enough to impress Winter at that point in time, so opted not to talk to her. In V3, we see Weiss trying desperately to earn Winter’s approval, and getting a facsimile of that just before they part. In V4 and V5, we see Weiss dealing with the concept that she can’t rely on Winter to help her and must fight her own battles. Here in V7, Weiss has grown beyond needing Winter’s approval and validation, but gaining both all the same. Winter’s gone from being a strict, harsh older sister who genuinely cares about her inexperienced younger sister while not being able to communicate that well to a more relaxed, more open older sister who sees her younger sister as an equal. I would love to see Winter take the Maiden powers, desert the Atlesian military, and go into hiding to train with her new powers while RWBY continue their hunt for the artifacts, as I think this would open up a new avenue for both Weiss and Winter- essentially, the next chapter in their evolving relationship, not only sisters overcoming trauma but allies in a global war- but I’m also not holding my breath, as I would find it especially amusing if Winter’s been using her time with the current Winter Maiden to talk about Weiss, knowing her sister would be a better candidate for the powers (which may have something to do with why she was so adamant Weiss learn how to develop her semblance on her own, so she’d know how to hone the Maiden powers) and standing ready to feign surprise when she doesn’t inherit the powers herself, thereby undermining Ironwood without him being any the wiser as to how.

Ultimately, though Winter’s character development is mostly off screen and has to be tied together using context, I think she’s come a long way as a character and as a person, and she’s an excellent example of how people who undergo trauma may make some mistakes born from that trauma but can still heal and rise above it. They just need to be called out in a way that’s going to help them realize what they’re doing, and it’s gratifying that it was Weiss who’d matured faster and to a point where she could help Winter take the last steps towards making herself a better person.

And if Winter takes the Maiden powers and then remains loyal to Ironwood, she’s literally just a dumbass soldier and I’m going to keep calling her a fucking butter bar. Would it undo a lot of her character progression? Yes and no, as soldiers are, by definition, kinda mcfucking stupid, so it wouldn’t surprise me if, in that soldier mentality, Winter makes the dumb decision instead of the right one.

#TRR asks #Winter character study kinda #the bottom line is that she's a dumbass and I know this #I have no illusions that I've decided to stan a fucking moron #But I'm also VERY real about her flaws and her strengths and that's why I love her so much

[millennialzadr]

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

#in this trying time of shippers being stressed over discourse #i offer a gift<3 because i love you guys #and we should spread the love #i want yall to go OFF #tell me every little fuckin thing about zadr that makes ur heart doki OK #LETS GO 👏👏👏 #invader zim #zadr #text post #my post #long post

[in-tua-deep]

are y’all ready for a showerthoughts au?? a little brain wiggle that decided to invade my brain once water hit by body?? well buckle up kids bc here we have a bizarre au where five both is and isn’t the main character

SO we start with the premise that, when Five worked for the Commission, he had health checks and doctors visits and all that. In the comics he was genetically experimented on and his aging is halted, but I don’t think they’re going that way in the TV show bc young actors age

but my whole point is: they probably have samples of Five’s genetic materials

(disclaimer: i am not a scientist and don’t know how any of this stuff works)

and wouldn’t it be so useful to have trained and loyal soldiers with the same ability to jump in space and time who are completely molded to your will? Isn’t that a brilliant idea? In this au, the Handler definitely thought so (and if she had grand plans to eventually sick her new assassins on Five and give him the shock of his life, well that’s too bad isn’t it)

except it doesn’t entirely work. Five’s DNA is actually kind of unstable? From his space jumps and time jumps, every time they attempt to clone him it fails and they end up with nothing. They keep tweaking things, but they have a limited supply of usable genetic material and they rack up failures. They almost give up when one child finally, finally, succeeds and makes it through the fetal stages and takes his very first breath surrounded by breathless scientists who are whooping and hollering in joy

They don’t name him. He’s a weapon. But they refer to him as ‘The Boy’ and the Handler is so tickled pink by the comparison with Five’s hero name that she refuses to name him anything else, even a project name or experiment number.

The Boy grows up. He’s trained. He goes through grueling training to become the perfect assassin, with the Handler standing over his shoulder and smiling the whole while - likely imagining the day he would be old enough to take down her original nemesis. 

And Boy doesn’t know anything else. He grows up, and he ends up getting sent with other agents on missions. Sometimes as a prop, a child helping them blend in and get closer to a target, and sometimes as the assassin. 

The theory is that raising him in isolated Commission environment, without siblings to care about, without a world to care about, he will be perfect.

(They shouldn’t have sent him on missions.)

He knows something isn’t right. He knows something is missing. He gets check ups every week until he’s six and then it becomes every month. And scientists talk. They marvel at his stability where ‘the others’ failed. He knows he isn’t the first child they tried to make.

And for whatever reason, the idea that at some point he wasn’t alone is an important one. And he’s curious. He wants to know about the other children who failed, the ones who didn’t make it, the ones who were his siblings. It’s an idle curiosity, of a child who went on missions and saw families and recognized something that he didn’t have.

He’s perfect. He was raised in the Commission. There’s no reason to believe he’ll defect, because there’s nothing for him to defect to. His entire life is the Commission. 

(Sometimes, the Handler takes his face in her hands. Her nails dig into his cheeks in he tries to look away and so he doesn’t, standing perfectly still with a thousand yard stare. Sometimes, she calls him ‘five point two’ with a delighted smile and he doesn’t know what that means.)

No one expects him to rebel even a little bit, and really picking the locks on the record room and reading old logs barely counts. 

(He can’t jump, not in the building. The first thing that the Commission did is figure out a way to sense when he jumps. They can’t figure out where he goes, but they know when it happens. If he jumps unauthorized, his punishments are severe. Hence: the lock picking.)

He wants to find records of his siblings, of the experiments and the failures. He wants to know how many came before him.

Instead, he finds a photo of himself. Except not quite. It’s him but older, obviously taken from a security camera and cropped. It’s an incident report, which shouldn’t be filed here. Something that slipped through the cracks. He reads the report, and his eye catches on the name. Five. Status: Unknown, the report proclaims, but it’s an old report.

The Boy’s first thought is not that Five is the original. Because the Boy has been around long enough to know what normal names are like, and as an experiment it would make sense for them to be named numbers, experiment numbers. The Boy doesn’t look at the picture and think that’s where I came from.

Instead, he looks at it and he thinks - brother. 

He thinks that he wasn’t the first success that the Commission had with jumping kids. He looks at the teen in the photo and thinks that Five is another Commission experiment. And the Boy is so lonely. He tucks the picture up his shirt with care.

He scours through the rest of the piles for any information on this Five, but comes up empty handed. The report with the original mention was filed incorrectly, he wasn’t supposed to see it at all. But the report didn’t say deceased, didn’t say mission closed or objective complete or anything like that. It said that Five’s status was unknown. Which meant he escaped. Which meant he might still be out there.

The Boy might have family that was alive. 

He keeps his knowledge close to his heart. He breaks into every records room he can get his hands on. But the Handler was thorough in her classifying of Five’s existence (until the time was right to kill him, of course) and the Boy doesn’t find another hint for a long time.

And then, like magic, he does. He’d been looking through old reports and, on a whim, decided to look at the newer ones. There was a mission to kill someone in a city in 2019, and there was a special note to be careful and extra covert because former agent Five was known to be hostile to Commission Agents.

Which meant that Five was alive. And that he was in that city. In 2019. The Boy had a time and a place and a date and, for the first time, hope. 

In the end, it’s a crime of opportunity. He’s sent on a mission with an older agent who is mean. The older man is unimpressed with being assigned to, in his words, babysit a child. So it’s maybe a tiny bit vindictive when the Boy grabs the suitcase and jumps, leaving the man behind and stumbling out into an alley in a city he’s never seen before. 

He destroys the suitcase, knowing it can be used to track him. And maybe he was a bit impulsive - because it’s a big city and there’s only one of him and he has no idea where to start looking. 

But luck is on his side, because the Boy has been living homeless for weeks trying desperately to keep under the Commission’s radar (it helps that they tread carefully as well, unwilling to draw attention to themselves) while also looking for his one family connection. And he’s squatting illegally in a building, and he gets busted.

And he’s tired, and exhausted, and hungry, and jumping right now is a terrible idea. He could kill the officer with ease, but that would draw even more attention to him and just. Ugh.

But he’s taken to the station, and there’s a woman there who blinks at him and says - “Five? What are you doing here?”

And all the Boy can do is blink stupidly at her. 

The woman, Detective Patch her desk says, sighs deeply at him and shakes her head. She waves off the officer who brought the Boy in, “I’ll call Diego. What they hell were you doing in that abandoned building?”

“Uh - ” The Boy tries, because she asked him a question, but words are escaping him right now. This woman thinks he is Five. This woman knows Five. His brain is running at a million miles a minute and this is the best lead he’s had since he landed here and somehow he can do nothing but stare at her with wide eyes. 

“Never mind.” Detective Patch says, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I’m sure I don’t want to know. Just sit tight a minute, okay?”

His body moves on autopilot to sit down, used to obeying orders and never questioning them. Even so, he’s almost vibrating in place in excitement.

The detective is on the phone. The detective nods. The detective hangs up.

“Someone will be by to pick you up in a minute.” She informs him, “Don’t go traumatizing my coworkers in the meantime, you hear? You know where the bathroom is if you need it.”

The Boy does not, but it’s easy enough to figure out. He ends up staring at himself in the mirror, and quite frankly he looks like hell. He’s been homeless for weeks, and while he’s better off than many due to his skills as a thief it’s still not great. And he’s about to meet Five, his family. He has to look presentable! He runs the faucet and scrubs at the dirt on his face and runs his hands through his hair to try and look presentable. It doesn’t really work, but it’s the best he’s going to get.

By the time he comes out, there’s a man standing at Detective Patch’s desk. He’s wearing all black and has - knives? The sight automatically makes the Boy wary. But surely a Commission agent wouldn’t be so obvious? The Detective sees him, and the man turns to follow her eyes.

He has a scar on the side of his head, the Boy observes. He wonders where he got it. 

“I don’t have time to be bailing your ass out, Five!” The man barks, and he sounds angry. The Boy can’t help the flinch - it’s never good when adults are angry with him. It always leads to more pain. The man tracks the small movement and frowns.

But he does soften just a little bit. “C’mon.” He says, still gruff. “Klaus is waiting in the car.”

The Boy doesn’t know who Klaus is, but if following the man will get him closer to Five then he’s going to do it regardless of personal discomfort. The scarred man goes around to the drivers side, and the Boy is left hovering uncomfortably between the passenger and backseat door.

He hasn’t been told where he’s allowed to sit.

“Don’t worry!” The man in the back, presumably the Klaus that was mentioned, hollers through the door, “Ben’s good wherever!”

And yeah, that makes even less sense and the Boy still doesn’t know what to do.

Thankfully the scarred man rolls his eyes, “Just get in the back.” 

The Boy does so, sitting gingerly on the leather seat and trying not to stare at either of the two strangers who now have him inside an enclosed space. The glittery man, Klaus, looks towards the empty passenger seat with a confused crease to his eyes.

“What happened, Five?” The scarred man asks bluntly as he pulls out.

The Boy... doesn’t know how to answer that either. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out even though he was asked a direct questions. 

“You have... an episode?” The man asks almost gently, tiptoeing around his phrasing like a man afraid of setting off a live grenade. The Boy is sure it would have been helpful, if he knew what the fuck the man was talking about to begin with. As it is, he’s even more confused. 

Klaus coos softly, looking concerned from what the boy can see of his reflection in the window. Not knowing how to respond, he stays silent. Clearly though, that means something to both of the men because the scarred one nods and they both drop it. 

They pull up outside a big house. Both men get out of the car, and look confused when the Boy stays in place. He hasn’t been given permission to exit the vehicle yet though, so he’s not sure why they look concerned. These two aren’t very good Handlers, he hopes they’re not the ones in charge of Five. 

“Uh,” The scarred one clears his throat, “We’re home dude. C’mon.”

That’s about as much of an order as he’s going to get around here, probably. And if the scarred man says that we’re home, including who he assumes is Five in that sentence, then that means - his search is over?

Suddenly eager, he jumps in a flash of blue over to the door. It’s not allowed, and immediately icy shock goes down his spine and his brain is alight with anxiety, but nothing happens. He’s not in the Commission. They can’t track his jumps outside of it. 

Before he can spiral further into panic, the door is opened and he’s being swept inside. It’s big. It’s really big. 

“Is that you, Diego?” Someone calls from within the house, “Dinner’s almost ready! Five said he’s gonna be late - ”

A woman emerges from a room, a towel in her hands. She’s tall, is the first thing the Boy notices about her. Her hair is curly - he likes it. 

“Patch called me.” The scarred man - Diego? - informs the woman, who immediately frowns at the Boy. He hunches his shoulders in a little. “I think he had an episode or something, I dunno. He’s acting weird.”

Somehow or another he’s ushered into the kitchen. There’s even more people in there. There’s a lot of people in this house. There’s another woman, who is short and mousy. She gives him a small smile when he enters. There’s a man as well, tall and broad and scary looking. The Boy tries not to look him in the eyes.

There’s fussing and suddenly everyone is sitting down at the table except for the Boy. 

He shuffles his feet, and all eyes are on him, and he has to speak he has to. He’s here. It’s important. He hasn’t been asked a question, but the other homeless people didn’t hurt him for talking, so. It’s a risk he’s going to have to take.

“Uh,” He says, voice small and eyes darting around the room, “Where’s - I mean. Where’s Five?”

“What do you mean where’s Five?” Klaus exclaims, looking confused. Everyone is looking confused. 

“I want - uh, I’d like to meet him. If he’s here.” The Boy stumbles, and he knows it’s a misstep to says words like want and like but it’s the truth.

The scarred man has slowly put his hand to the knives still strapped to his body, looking especially alert. It kind of makes the Boy want to run in the opposite direction, “Are you saying you aren’t Five?”

“He jumped from the car!” Klaus protests, looking from a single point in thin air to the Boy and back again. Which means that Five can also jump? The idea that someone else has the exhilarating and terrifying ability to jump is somehow an incredible relief to the Boy. He’s not alone. Klaus looks the Boy directly in the eye with an intensity that has the Boy’s eyes darting away, “Are you having an episode right now?”

A few people at the table nod their heads as if agreeing but that’s not what the Boy wants. He’s so close. He shuffles his feet again. 

“I’m - I’m sorry. For not telling you at the station.” He finally offers, “Detective Patch called me Five, and then she called you, and just - please.” The sorry made them look alarmed but it’s the please that really gets everyone attention and Diego has drawn a knife that he holds loosely in his hand. 

There’s a flash of blue off to the side and suddenly the Boy is looking in a mirror and his mirror image stiffens in alarm. Another small flash and his doppelganger has a knife in his hand as well, face twisted into a snarl.

“Who the hell are you?” The boy who must be Five bites out.

The Boy’s eyes dart around the room. Everyone’s standing now, moving automatically to stand behind Five, recognizing him as the real deal. 

“I’m - I’m the Boy.” The Boy says, and the fact that all of the faces react in a weird way make the Boy wonder what that’s all about. “I think - I think you’re my brother?”

Well that sets the cat among the chickens.

It takes a while, but eventually they all gather in the living room and the Boy is sat on one of the comfortable couches and Five is across from him peppering him with questions.

“You - you came from the Commission, too, right?” The Boy interrupts hesitantly.

Five frowns, “Sort of. Not in the way you did, I imagine. I worked for the Commission.”

The Boy nods, and pulls out the picture that he kept. The one with security footage and the very first inkling that he might not be so terribly alone in the world. Five plucks the picture out of his hands, and the Boy pretends it doesn’t give him anxiety. 

“The report said status: unknown.” The Boy tells Five as if he doesn’t already know, but the nerves keep the words coming. “Which means - which meant you didn’t die. They always told me I was the only one that survived but - but they lied! You’re here! You’re like me!”

“I don’t understand.” The big man - Luther, apparently - says, crossing his arms. The Boy almost forgot he was there for a moment (stupid) and flinches. “Where did the new Five come from?”

Five shrugs, “Alternate timeline, maybe? Steal me as a baby and raise me as a Commission weapon?”

The Boy blinks. Does Five not know? Not know they were grown in a lab? Maybe Five never knew about the possibility of siblings?

“The Scientists grew us.” He tells the man, because if he has more information then he has to share it. “The - The DNA was uh, unstable though. ‘Cause of the jumping. So they kept failing. Except then they succeeded! They said I was the only success but they lied.”

There’s a heavy silence in the room.

It’s broken by Five, who looks at the Boy with a sort of softness that the Boy gets the feeling isn’t all that common. 

“They didn’t lie.” He tells the boy softly, as if he isn’t dismantling the Boy’s entire world view. “You said they had DNA, right? That DNA had to come from somewhere, right?”

The Boy processes that, and suddenly he can’t believe he was so stupid. Of course he had to come from somewhere. There had to be an original. And the Handler’s comments about five point two make a stupid amount of sense.

“But - ” The Boy stutters, shoulders hunching, “But your name is Five? That’s an experiment name.”

There’s some kind of reaction going on in the background, but the Boy only has eyes for Five, his - his original?

Five just nods, “I wasn’t a Commission experiment, but the man who took me and raised me - he didn’t think of me as a person, either. And when I worked for the Commission, they were - interested in my abilities.”

So the Commission stole an experiment. Tried to recreate an experiment they didn’t own. The Boy was a copy of something that wasn’t supposed to belong to the Commission in the first place.

“I came from you.” The Boy says, slowly, looking at his feet as he turns the thought around in his head. “Does - does that make us... still family?”

There’s a heavy silence.

It makes the Boy nervous enough to just blurt out his thoughts. “I don’t - I don’t want to go back! They’re scared of you. Please, I won’t bother anybody - you won’t even know I’m here, I promise.”

Because that report had told the agents to be wary, to be careful, to not cross Number Five. The Commission didn’t mess with Five, and if the Boy stayed close then that meant they probably wouldn’t try get him back, right?

Suddenly there’s a weight next to him and an arm slung over his shoulder and he’s still as a board as he whips his head to look around at - Klaus?

“Aw kid,” Klaus coos at him, and even though the proximity is weird it’s also kind of nice? Klaus squeezes his arm and for some reason it doesn’t feel like a threat. “We’re not gonna make you go back, right guys?” Everyone mumbles their agreement, though Five stays silent.

“You’re Five-o’s clone, right? And if Five’s family that automatically gives you a free pass as family as well!” Klaus grins, “I know you only expected one sibling, but mi familia es su familia, ey?”

And somehow, that’s that. It’s agreed that the Boy gets to stay and there’s a flurry of activity and somehow throughout it all Five sticks around just enough to ease a little bit of the Boy’s anxiety. 

It’s not going to solve the Commission problem, and every time the Boy brings up something about his life at the Commission or is confused about something mundane the family’s heart break a little bit more, but honestly their entire family existence has been a wild roller coaster of a ride so this might as well happen

and if Five is furious enough at the highkey violation of getting an unauthorized clone and decided that maybe it’s time once and for all to get rid of the Commission well. Dismantling a shady government organization is practically what passes for family bonding to them all, right?

#for some reason my shower brain was stuck on the thought of a clone of five #maybe bc of the robot five au where i mentioned about him hiding his robot-ness bc a Commission with a fleet of Five's is terrifying #so here's an au about a clone five #who is raised by the Commission to be the perfect weapon #who eventually defects because trying to find family is basically written in his DNA #just a whole baby who just wanted one family member and ended up with seven #Klaus: does this mean five's a dad #Five: technically we have the same genetic material. he's my twin. #Allison: regardless of anything he needs a PROPER NAME #i feel like the boy ends up being close to Klaus #bc Klaus provides hugs #and the Boy doesn't really know what hugs are per se but they feel really nice #Klaus: lmao y'all have fun wrecking the commission i'm gonna sit on the couch and eat cheetos #the boy: i don't know what a hug is #klaus: actually you know what it's time to take the commission the fuck DOWN let's DO THIS i have DYNAMITE #tbh the family probably do end up putting the boy on a more claire level of family #'smol child related to us: to be protected and loved' #tua #the umbrella academy #tua au #five hargreeves #number five #klaus hargreeves #diego hargeeves #the handler #the commission #the commission boy au

[quidfree]

Hi! Thinking of Dumbledore + Sirius, do you think Sirius would feel sympathy for Dumbledore if he knew about how torn he was btw his siblings + feeling trapped? I judged him harshly at first, but now I think about the difficulty about losing both parents + sibling, but not wanting to sacrifice everything to step in as parent + guilt that comes with that. I do think Dumbledore loved his siblings + I was happy when his bro said he did a good job with their sis before her death.

hi! this is an interesting one hm

the thing abt dumbledore is that i’m pretty sympathetic to him all things considered- i’ve never really taken the time to explain my feelings about him on here but i definitely don’t think he’s snape levels of “fandom should see he’s irredeemably terrible!”, though i have a lot of qualms about him. he’s certainly not the hero rowling thinks he is, but he’s also not the guy rita skeeter says he is, to put it succintly.

on the one hand, i do think canon mostly fails to acknowledge that he was very manipulative/calculating and made a lot of very cold (or just plain terrible) choices- everything to do with sirius, for one, as well as the whole dursley situation. i know there’s a couple of reasons harry had to live with them (supposedly...) and i can’t be bothered to go into them, but even then i never understood why he couldn’t have done to petunia what he does in OOTP (?) sooner- send a letter to scare the shit out of her and remind her to treat harry decently or at least leave him to his own devices. like, there was so much he could have done in the years between the potters’ deaths and hogwarts- that squib neighbour was already spying/reporting for him, so he was fully aware of it all, idk. i just find that whole thing exemplary of his callousness. it’s more unforgivable to me than raising harry knowing he might need to die for the cause- because that was necessary to defeat voldemort, but giving harry an escape from abuse was so avoidable. his handling of other characters also doesn’t paint him in the best light, sirius as most obvious suspect- there’s a good piece on tumblr about sirius being a liability in his eyes because he’s not loyal to dumbledore or his cause above all else, but to the potters (and ultimately harry) and his own code, and i really think it’s the best reading of dumbledore’s handling of sirius in OOTP, because i always found that kind of insane. it’s brain-dead obvious that the worst thing to do with sirius (especially if you were worried about his unhinged state and whatnot) would be sticking him in grimmauld place- even if they had to keep him hidden, they could have let him floo between order hideouts! see other people! prowl london as a dog! it’s insane that dumbledore of all people would be that dumb about it, so it makes the most sense to me as him locking sirius up where he’s the most contained.

on the other hand, dumbledore was both a quirky schoolmaster and a wartime militia leader, and i think a lot of the weirdness in his character is bc rowling set out to write a much more child-like series than she ended up writing. dumbledore is a pretty iconic guy in the books, manipulations included- he’s such a chessmaster, and he has flair, as kingsley would put it. most importantly he clearly tries very hard to orchestrate the best possible outcome for the entire world- not based on arbitrary beliefs or personal whims, but because he’s sort of the main bastion of hope in the wizarding world. i don’t necessarily think his actions in this context are all excusable, but he’s a war-time leader, and pretty much knows it’s all down to him- although the order is certainly competent, it’s a very ragtag group of people dumbledore holds together, and in terms of skill, knowledge and aura he’s their biggest asset. he’s already been through a wizarding war where he probably set out to murder the love of his life, another wizard supremacist wackjob! we know he’s long past egoism- he’s genuinely For The Greater Good, and he clearly cares about harry; his choices are undoubtedly not made lightly. it’s also important to note just how bad wizarding society as a whole is on these issues- even the most muggle-friendly wizards are remarkably ignorant about them (arthur weasley), and everyone else is at least marginally bigoted; bigotry is built into the fabric of their society, and their government is extemely complacent/corrupt, so the order and their ilk are very much on their own, while people like the malfoys are tolerated despite the open secret of their wartime alliances. dumbledore has a tough job, and he doesn’t know all the things the reader knows. so i think the op-eds calling him Just As Bad As Voldemort or whatever are missing any nuance.

then we get into dumbledore’s backstory. it explains a lot about him, i think. it’s interesting to me that he’s so consistent as a character- he has always been about The Greater Good, and he’s always had an ego, but as a child he let the latter dictate the former and as an adult he forever attempted to substract it from himself lest he repeat the same mistakes. some more questionable rep from ms rowling in having her (1) gay character be the guy literally seduced into wizard supremacy by his evil boyfriend, but i always liked that beat of a very isolated extremely intelligent character drawn into a warped sense of righteousness- it’s also very consistent of dumbledore to believe he’s doing the best for someone when he’s not really thinking about that at all, which is the case with his sister. obviously his family’s story is tragic, and then he gets pulled into this fake vision of a better world, validated in his brilliance, and then there’s his mother’s death, and then his sister, and suddenly it’s all come crashing down and he spends the next years of his life slowly realizing he’s the only one who can stop a project he might have been overseeing once. aberforth lays into him for it, and fair enough, but jesus, what a shitty spot to be in fresh out of hogwarts. i don’t know if it’s because i’m an older sibling, but i can understand the horrible burden of knowing that it’s always on you to think of yourself second, even when you’re inches away from the best thing in your life.

getting sidetracked- the question was about sirius and dumbledore. the thing abt LMV is that i try to keep my own opinions out of it; the marauders-dumbledore dynamic is a difficult one. they all respect him endlessly, and in school i think they adored him, but as a wartime leader it gets complicated. i think in canon their relationship was better, just a little strained (and a little more for others) bc of his style of leadership- you know, keeping secrets, playing games etc. in LMV, though, his machinations got them personally into some shit, so i wagered things would be more terse. james i think thinks most positively of him, as he is wont to do so, except where he is somehow at odds with sirius, because his loyalties there are clear and he is far more violently protective of sirius than he lets on. lily is a close second, because she’s a big picture thinker and gets how hard his job is, but she tends to be wary of his reasoning. remus is a more distrustful person by nature, and dumbledore using him for werewolf stuff wears him down. sirius is not a fan of authority, does not like secrets, and hates people using him as a pawn, so things are most strained for him, obviously. i think a lot of dumbledore introspection in LMV is from sirius’ POV, somewhat accidentally, so he gets a harsh rep.

to finally get to the specifics of your question: would dumbledore’s backstory get sirius to sympathise? arguably not much. sirius is a tricky guy, esp because i write him in a period that we know nothing about. he’s not a cocky slightly feral 15 year old, and he’s not a traumatised 30 something prison escapee; i try to get a plausible balance, so i don’t lend sirius in LMV so much of OOTP sirius’ world-weary wisdom. he’s 21, and in a war where the other side are wizard nazis he’s mostly related to somehow; he sees things in blacks and whites almost necessarily. so either you’re good or bad, trustworthy or not. peter crossed the threshold, so he’s dead to him; regulus turned himself in, but he’s one of them, so sirius doesn’t know what to do with him. sirius might understand how hard it is to have younger siblings you love fiercely who don’t understand your commitment to a higher goal, but dumbledore was on the wrong side of things that time, so i don’t think he would draw any sympathetic parallels- i don’t see why he of all people would feel bad for where dumbledore’s youthful aspirations of wizarding supremacy lead him, despite his good intentions. he’s not very forgiving of bigotry, i think especially because he’s cut all ties with his own background so harshly.

tldr; i feel for the guy, and his life was fucked, but sirius probably would not, and dumbledore got enough unwarranted hero worship considering his dodgy actions that i don’t resent sirius for holding that grudge.

#qui repond #lmv #sirius #dumbledore #meta #hp #so loong

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Jonah Magnus begrudgingly becomes a trans ally after putting himself in the wrong body “as a joke” and suffering

Concept: Dramatic Bastard Jonah “Hubris” Magnus decides to put his eyeballs in a female body for one of these bodyhops because he “thought it’d be fun”  (and also perhaps make that snippy young librarian Gertrude stop commenting on the fact that the Institute has never had a female Head and that she feels it’s high time they got their heads out of the Dark Ages and stopped ignoring half the population) and it BACKFIRES HORRIBLY 

(long post under the cut)

For one thing, half of his (actual, unstated) reasoning behind the switch was to spice up his third marriage with Peter, but Peter is Too Gay to Function(TM) and just takes one look at the new body and immediately books a year-long voyage to Siberia and leaves the country without so much as touching Jonah. 

And then Jonah has to deal with having a female body to take care of and absolutely no idea how one works because despite serving the Watcher he is, also, Too Gay to Function(TM) and has not prioritized information on how to handle having a coochie. He didn’t think it would be a big deal. He was wrong.

See, up until now Jonah Magnus has always picked young, twink-ish bodies that have at least a superficial resemblance to the young Jonah Magnus, and has assumed that being able to adjust to the slight differences just fine and even enjoying the changes means that he’s immune to dysphoria. 

Jonah Magnus is convinced that gender dysphoria is bullshit and that he’ll like a female body just fine because he wore drag once and had a fun time. Jonah Magnus has not thought this through. Jonah Magnus has not considered that “wearing drag as a man who enjoys being a man but also likes dresses” is actually different from “actually not being a man or comfortable in a man’s body”. 

Jonah Magnus figures out the difference very quickly. 

Jonah Magnus, King of Denial, writes it off as “needing to adjust to the new body” until he catches himself wishing he had that Leitner that makes you disappear bc he doesn’t want to be seen, or to have to see himself, in this body and he just wants it to disappear. 

The first barista at Jonah’s favorite coffee shop to call him “ma’am” gets to watch a grown woman visibly flinch at being properly addressed and then rush out of the store. The barista then violently remembers something embarrassing that happened to her in high school, and spends the next week suffering from nightmares about her worst memories. 

A man makes the mistake of catcalling some academic-looking librarian dame. She gives him a freezing look and suddenly he’s having violent flashbacks to all his worst experiences at once. He falls down on the street and has a nosebleed and eventually has to be picked up by the police and brought to a mental hospital because he’s raving like a lunatic. 

Jonah “Cannot Admit I Made a Mistake” Magnus, still trying to convince himself this isn’t that bad actually, catches himself making a mental schedule for showering As Little As Socially Acceptable so he doesn’t have to see himself naked. Jonah Magnus is usually fastidiously clean, and can’t stand the feel of going more than two days without a shower. Jonah Magnus suddenly prefers that to seeing himself naked any more than necessary. Jonah Magnus finally admits that he made a mistake. Jonah Magnus is starting to understand what the words “gender dysphoria” and also “male privilege” mean and he’s hating every moment of it. 

And then he forgets to take the birth control that this body was on and its period comes back with a vengeance and he does something he never does and calls Peter, screaming about how he’s LITERALLY DYING and Peter is like “you know women have periods right.” 

“WHAT” 

“Yeah they bleed every month” 

“They WHAT?? EVERY MONTH???” 

“...Jonah you serve the Eye. How do you not know basic human biology” 

Jonah “Too Proud to Admit that the Information on Coochie is Buried Under Years and Years of Occult Secrets and Sexy Robert Smirke Moments” Magnus: “I KNOW!! I JUST--IT’S COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL THAT IT HURTS THIS MUCH” 

“Yes” 

“THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL” 

“Yes it can” 

“I’M DYING AND ALSO I’M STAINING ALL MY SHEETS THIS IS HORRIBLE” 

“All of these are things I’ve heard my sisters say.” 

“NO IT--wait really” 

“They talked way too much. Really weren’t suited for Forsaken. I was so glad when they left. Partly because I was a squeamish little boy who really didn’t want to hear about their girl puberty issues any more” 

“Hang on, I’m NOT dying?” 

“Probably not. Do you have any painkillers? Get in a hot bath and wait it out.” 

“HOW LONG???” 

“Euuughgjs I dunno maybe like a week? Ask a woman” 

“A WEEK?? WHAT?? I’M GOING TO DIE PETER I CAN’T ENDURE THIS FOR A WEEK” 

“You.... didn’t think about this BEFORE you stole the body?” 

“Y-YES OF COURSE I DID” 

“Jonah Magnus, world’s greatest occultist and scholar, forgot to do his research?” 

“THAT’S NOT IT, I JUST DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD BE THIS BAD,,, PETER YOU’RE LYING TO ME PETER PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE LYING I CAN’T TAKE A WEEK OF THIS PETER” 

“I said I don’t know. A week sounds right but I could be totally wrong. Ask a woman.” 

“I DON’T KNOW ANY WOMEN THAT I CAN ASK AWKWARD QUESTIONS OF” 

“Go to the library” 

“I CAN’T I’M IN PAIN AND BLEEDING ALL OVER EVERYTHING” 

“Oh, yeah, there should be stuff for that. You’re in, uh, the former body’s apartment right? She’s probably got like, what are they called? Feminine pads?” 

“WHAT? PETER I’M AN ADULT I’M NOT WEARING A DIAPER” 

“Okay, have fun getting the bloodstains out of everything you own.” 

“HOW DO WOMEN LIVE LIKE THIS” 

“I don’t know. Rather impressive really.” 

“FUCK” 

He caves and goes to young Gertrude and is like “listen if you tell anyone this I’ll destroy your life but I’m actually an ancient bodyhopping bastard and this is my first time in a female body and I’m in hell please help me” and that’s how this Gertrude finds out who Jonah Magnus is

Elias Bouchard gets snagged for the next transfer because, yeah he’s kind of a weird pick for next Head of the Institute and people might talk but Jonah is Desperate at this point and Elias more or less fits his MO as far as physical traits go at least 

Peter is so relieved to have A Husband when he gets back that he doesn’t even complain about Elias picking a blond just because he knows Peter doesn’t like it. And for once Elias didn’t even do it on purpose, he was just in a hurry to get out of the Hell Dysphoria Body and took the first option he saw. 

The formerly-plagued-by-nightmares barista at Jonah’s favorite coffee shop stops seeing the increasingly depressed-looking woman who’d been coming in, but now there’s a nice young who smiles like the sun when she calls him Sir and it’s such a nice smile that she feels a deep sense of warmth and contentment and only thinks good thoughts for the rest of the day. She falls asleep content in the knowledge that all her friends love and appreciate her and that she makes the best coffee in London and for the next week she has pleasant, restful dreams that she can’t remember but that she wakes up from smiling. 

Elias Bouchard quietly starts offering trans-inclusive health benefits to employees of the Magnus Institute. Martin Blackwood, Broke Trans Guy In Need of a Job, instantaneously appears on the doorstep. 

#elias bastard bouchard #peter lukas #lonely eyes #gertrude robinson (briefly mentioned) #I love trans martin headcanons they're Good #joke post #long text post #the magnus archives #personal #alternate headcanon where Joanna Magnus was actually trans. but this was funnier #raise your hand if you would work for a shady paranormal archive that gave trans health benefits *slowly raises hand*