#Because from the perspective of one of your ex-friends: you are self-centered and do not give a flying fuck about your 'friends"

[tempesthreads]

I'm so tired and need to work but I just want to say how...relieving the process has been for me this few weeks or so of letting go of toxic people, making new friends, and reaching out and reconnecting with old friends. After being in a particularly shitty 'friendship' (it honestly felt more parasitical than anything sometimes), it was so weird to meet people who respect my boundaries and listened to what I had to say, rather than just use me to satisfy their own wants or needs. I'm still working on making sure I set and keep those boundaries up, but yeah. I'm glad I'm making progress.

#tempest talks #Mutuals i love you so much. #You know who you are. I love you so so so much. Thank you for bearing with me. #very long vent in tags: #I gave this toxic person a second chance because technically I had a friendship breakup with them once before. #But ultimately realized how unhappy I was talking to them #And how fundamentally different our ideologies were. #It's not to say people with different opinions can't be friends with each other. #But this person checked off so many of my personal 'red flags' and I just ignored them #because I felt bad about breaking up a relationship they seemed happy in #but spoiler alert: I was not happy in that relationship at all and it almost definitely wasn't healthy. #Ending that relationship was probably the best thing I could've done for myself. #And I'm so so so proud of myself for actually standing up for myself for once and getting myself out of a situation that made me unhappy. #Like this person is blocked from my blogs but if they're somehow reading this: #No I don't have regrets about ending our relationship. You have a lot of stuff you need to work through #and you really need to ask yourself how you view 'friends' and how you treat them. #Because from the perspective of one of your ex-friends: you are self-centered and do not give a flying fuck about your 'friends" #Correction: You do give a few fucks. But you're still self-centered and fail to listen to them when they set boundaries. #And you expect them to comfort you in a crisis when you offer the bare minimum back when they need help. #You also display a very concerning amount of ignorance when it comes to current events and history that is very important to acknowledge. #And yet for some reason you think you know better about the politics and injustices in my country than *me* a person living there? #All because you asked your parent? Who is also not from my country or living here??? #You have a lot of privilege due to the way you were born. And you don't acknowledge it. #Anyway please stay off my blog thanks. #Yes this is loaded with salt #but I wish you the best with whatever you're up to now. #and I hope you learn and grow to be a better friend and human being in general.

[pridepages]

Give and Take: A Power Unbound

I finished A Power Unbound by Freya Marske. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers

What do we know about love?

No, seriously, I'm asking. The more stories I hear--both real and fictional--the less sure I am that we have any idea what it is we're talking about.

Because love may be patient and kind...

But it also might be dirty degrading sex and someone to argue you into submission.

Meet Jack Alston and Alan Ross: the last couple in the found family of disaster gays trying to save the magical world in Freya Marske's The Last Binding trilogy. The third volume, A Power Unbound, centers the love story of Jack and Alan amidst the final confrontation that will decide the fate of the magical world.

(I actually find the magic and politics the least interesting thing about these books, so let's stick to kinky sex and power dynamics.)

At a surface level reading, Jack and Alan are an opposites-attract trope. Jack was born to power and privilege in every sense, titled and magical, while Alan scrambles to survive in a world where he literally repels power (both figurative and literal). Rather than fall into the temptation of a beauty-and-the-beast narrative or a cinderella story, Marske has the two of them lean into their inequality.

They get off on power struggle.

These two have the kinkiest role-play I've seen in traditional publishing. Full credit to Marske for writing a romance that says: "You can have all the deviant sex you want between safe, sane, consenting adults." (A radical notion when we're reluctant to increase the perception of gay sex as 'deviant,' but seriously, fuck respectability politics!)

But the mastery of character development here is how the push-pull of their chemistry translates outside of the bedroom.

When we first meet Jack Alston in book one, he's cast in a more villainous light. He's nasty and hurtful to his ex, Edwin Courcey. It would be easy to write Jack off as simply cruel, but from his perspective, the whole dynamic translates differently.

Jack is a "mean friend." His love language is to tease, to bait, to skirmish. He grew up jabbing his way through life, all knees and elbows. But every time he tried to draw Edwin out...he only ended up pushing him away.

It couldn't be more different with fiesty Alan. "They fit in ways they shouldn’t ever have fit. Even when they fought, they fit–there was no mockery falling on soft, malleable ground…Only the knowledge that any volley would be met and thrown back, brighter and better."

Jack and Edwin were fundamentally wrong for each other, their chemistry toxic. By contrast, Alan understands the love language of insults and banter. He's strong enough to take it.

But strength and weakness are their own sort of power, and both Jack and Alan are keenly aware of it. During one of their intimate scenes, Jack cuts the moment short because he realizes they are not in a moment of mutual pleasure. "When I fuck, it's because it's what I want. Not because I'm punishing someone, or too angry to be safe." Nor will he let Alan turn their intimacy into self-harm, refusing to be "used...as a rod to make stripes on your own back."

It's a critical piece of self-awareness. Jack knows he has a responsibility to use his power with the utmost control to create mutual pleasure and do no harm.

If Jack's journey is one of learning how to share power, then Alan's arc is about learning how to accept it. "Size and strength, station and wealth. All the advantages possible," Alan marvels as he looks at Jack. "Do you know how hard it is to believe someone won’t use it against you? To put your heart into someone’s hands knowing that?"

Alan may like to play at being overpowered, but that play is a consensual illusion: he knows that at any time he can voice the safeword and end the game. When it comes to sex, he can maintain control. But you can't safeword out of falling in love with someone. "Alan had never needed to lean on anyone. It was intolerable that he now kept turning out the pockets of his soul and finding caught in their seams the desire to let someone take his weight. The desire to be held, even kissed."

It's safer to lock yourself up: to stay in control by keeping the rest of the world out. But you can't have love without putting your innermost self on the line, making yourself as vulnerable as possible.

To take of someone else, you have to give everything of yourself.

I don't think it's a binary switch. The ways and means of how we create a give-and-take change depending on the people involved. Some people need soft and gentle love. Some need bright and sunny love. And some people need to be "kissed like an argument. Alan slid his hand to the nape of Jack’s neck and argued fiercely back."

All of them are good. Because all of them have the power to give and take what we need...and what we want.

Jack can be "masterful in the bedroom" and "take your heart between my ribs and guard it like my own." Alan can be a fighter and submissive, can hold his own and still want Jack to "kiss me until you know me, and unmake me, and love me anyway."

I don't know anything about love. But I think these guys just might.

When it comes to love, you'd better give as good as you get.

#a power unbound #the last binding #freya marske #mlm #gay #lgbt reads #queer lit

[burningtheroots]

Hey, I'm a cis lesbian and I used to be a radfem. I was sexually harassed by a man during my middle school years and it made me so angry at the world, and thus I started hating all men and thinking they were evil and they should die. Despite the fact I had male relatives and friends who were nothing but kind and supportive and loving to me.

After some therapy and reflection, I realized that I was just taking the easy way out. It's easier to turn your trauma and fear into hatred and anger towards a scapegoat group instead of actually doing the hard work of self reflecting.

Are there evil men? Of course. Is the patriarchy a problem? Definitely. Are there transgender people who are only trans to pray upon others? Inevitable.

But just as there are bad people in every group of people, that doesn't define them. Most trans people I've met know genitalia preference is a thing and respect that. The ones who don't are just full of themselves. Most of them just want to live their life the way they want to live it. In such a short amount of time on this earth, why waste it being hateful to others?

Continue to fight for female-sex rights, that is important. Fight for gay rights, fight for women rights. But all of these can be achieved without fearing or hating all men and transgender people. If anything, that just gets in the way of achieving real change.

Sorry for sending such a long ask. I'm not trying to be rude or mean. It's just, I worry sometimes about the young people in this community because I see myself in it, and how scared and unhappy and angry I was all the time because I refused to actually work through my trauma....and of course, like I said, this is not me saying there aren't things wrong with the world. There are. But not everyone is out to get you, this world is beautiful.

I'm not trying to invalidate in feelings you may have. As women we are dealt the short end of the stick from birth, and it is important we keep fighting. But fight against the real enemies; the lawmakers, the corporations, societal expectations. But "men" and "transgender" as a group as a whole are not your enemies...and using intentionally proactive language like that, it harms your chance of people wanting to listen since you're insulting people based on something as fundamental as their gender or sex. I think all of you could achieve great stuff for women if hating the "other side" wasn't in the equation.

Anyway, sorry again for the length. You might think I'm being ridiculous and this may never change your mind. And that's fine. I just felt sharing my perspective as an ex-radfem may be interesting or helpful, or something.

Hey! I‘m sorry for the late response, I wanted to have enough time to reply throughoutly & was quite busy this week.

First of all, I‘m sorry that this happened to you and I‘m glad that you had support from your family and friends.

However, I think the assumption that radfems, and me in particular, blindly turn their trauma into hatred is incorrect and doesn’t take into account that radical feminism is a feminist theory which analyzes, exposes & fights systemic oppression.

It‘s a fact that every man is complicit in & benefits from misogyny and patriarchy to a certain degree, which doesn’t mean that we think every man is an evil predator. As for me, my standard is that a man has to be 0% misogynistic — which is the minimum, I expect further allyship — to be "good". Somehow women are looked down upon when they have such "high" expectations when it comes to members of their oppressor class, and I‘m aware that it‘s nearly impossible to find a man like that in our current world, but does that mean I should tolerate even 0.00001 of misogyny from a man? No. It means I‘m perfectly justified to center women & particularly like-minded women in my life.

As for transgender people, I don’t hate any dysphoric (!) person for being dysphoric and trying to live their life. I actually care a lot about the well-being of dysphoric people, but I‘m also well-aware that the TRA ideology (which doesn’t equal individuals with actual dysphoria) blatantly attacks women‘s rights & protections, and while many trans-identified people respect sexualities as they are, my criticism of the movement is still valid.

And I understand & respect where you‘re coming from, though I think that radical (=root) feminism is often falsely mistaken for extremism, which it is not. Since discovering radical feminism and other radfems, I actually feel much more understood and safe.

Women‘s rights & liberation don’t have to be palatable to men, and everything I share and say on my blog is backed up by facts. I don‘t "hate men", I hate misogynistic men — and it‘s on them not to be one of those.

Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience and being friendly. It‘s quite refreshing. xx

#women deserve better #radfem #radblr #radical feminism #feminism #radfems do touch #radfems do interact #radfems please touch #womens rights #sex based rights #anon

[alyjojo]

March 🌞 2024 Monthly - Taurus

Preshuffle: You’ve been going over something in your head, why someone won’t work with you, cooperate with you, why are they being unfair to you? I’m getting it’s not even about you, or it’s just unfair. Some people suck sometimes, and that’s all there is to it. But you’ve carried this with you for a long time and have either reached a new perspective as you’ve healed, or that’s the goal now. Could be regarding a parent.

Meditation: Your door was on the hill of a beautiful meadow, pretty white flowers all over the ground, and a lamb outside of the door. There was a baby something too, I can’t remember what, another lamb perhaps. Inside your door, there was a snarling lion 🦁 in mid leap, I just screamed and slammed the door. I think the saying is “in like a lion out like a lamb”, but here it’s switched.

Main energy: Page of Wands

For some this is gonna be really deep, for some it’s work, and for others it’s more like a refreshing self-care moment. Page of Wands clarified by The Star is a giddy excitement, you definitely know yourself and the path you’re meant to be on, it fills you up with joy and happiness. *Now* because you’ve probably been through a lot of shit, it’s shown you’ve healed from that. No matter which lane this goes down for you, you’re excited for your future, in a happy and growth centered way. You can see how you’ve changed over the years and like where this is going, directing things towards even more healthy outcomes with Organization and Order, you are the one in charge of your life and how this goes. I don’t see toxic or control, just earth energy, abundance, The Empress, it’s beautiful. The Emperor is at the bottom and marriage is here too, some of you are married, some might be getting married, some are just healing from a past marriage or parents’, maybe children, and it’s over with, some phase of life is anyway. You’re still moving along beautifully, excited for what comes next.

What’s going on in March:

6 Cups rev:

You’ve healed from very painful things in the past, we all have them. Temporary connections, people that moved, people that changed, things we had to leave behind or things that left us behind. Probably several. Ace of Pentacles clarifies showing real potential, a solid opportunity for something, and Page of Wands can show communication. This could be a really healing sort of conversation that brings closure to some things, either with an old friend or a matriarch in the family, mother/aunt/grandmother etc. You could be healing wounds you didn’t even know still existed. For some this could be a spouse or ex spouse. If a marriage is ending, or has, you’re not pressed anymore, Relaxation and The Empress both show you know your worth, so someone either fits with you or they don’t, or didn’t, it doesn’t change how you’re growing, or you’re grateful in the ways it has.

For work, you probably got screwed over in the past, had to heal from a job that didn’t work out for whatever reason, or you didn’t get that opportunity you had your heart set on. But then something else came, or something else is coming, Ace of Pentacles, that is going to make you see why it’s better *this* way. You’re excited for it, you can see limitless options now, or you will in March 🌺

7 Cups:

Limitless potential! You could be confused about which path to take, but you’re excited nonetheless. Ace of Wands & Page of Pentacles clarify, you’re excited to plan - heavy earth energy here. You may not know exactly what goes where and how or when you’re gonna do xyz, there’s a lot of planning to be done. But this is a new beginning you have reason to feel a fire 🔥 relit under your butt, you’re motivated, inspired, and I’m hearing SpongeBob yelling out “I’m READY!” 😆 Page of Wands again at the bottom, something has shown you your purpose, maybe not the details but you’ve got Organization & Order, both earth energies, I think you’ll be fine sorting through those cups.

5 Wands rev:

You could be mending fences with someone you’ve fallen out with, if there’s been an argument or standoff with someone, that’s healing. Some of you are simply refusing to deal with jealous or competitive types of personalities, The Empress is a glow up, she’s beautiful, worth the effort, and knows it. It’s not beauty in a way that’s in your face, she just is, male or female, you’re dressing how you want, looking how you want, maybe buying new clothes or changing your hair, getting a new tattoo, or lip injections if that’s your thing, or just working out and working on your health & body, all beauty related things can fall under Empress territory. You don’t care how it’s perceived, and if that’s negative it’s like “now you know” - avoid that person. Unhealed. Petty. You’ve healed a lot of things privately, spiritually, inwardly, and you keep it to yourself. If not beauty, this can be a mother figure of some kind, or even your own children if they exist, you could come across a situation that triggers an old wound you’re healing from, or are realizing you already have. Things are different now, better. Work related things where competition is the vibe, isn’t your thing. You don’t chase after that (or anything) but you allow what’s meant for you to meet you when it’s time, and you’ll accept this Ace of Pentacles opportunity you’re being given.

The World:

It’s beautiful 🥹 Best reading this month so far (I’ve only done three but it’s hard to beat). The World is the end of a whole cycle, could just be an argument, could be competitive vibes with someone or feeling insecure or like you have to be something you’re not, no. Self Care is at the bottom of the oracles, you’re not giving to anything that’s not giving to you, and you’re not reciprocating toxic bs either - you’ll just walk away, remove yourself, 8 Cups. You deserve better than that. What does give to you, healthy emotions, actual gifts maybe, support, kindness, your cheerleaders, you’ll just take all of that love & double it, triple it, turn it into gold - that’s what The Empress does. Birthing creativity, art, business growth and ideas (or kids) into reality, growing and beautifying what exists into even better than it was.

The Empress:

Clarified by THE 👏 MFN 👏 SUN 👏 byeeee Taurus, you don’t even need me here 🧡 You’ve learned the lesson/s. Some of you are even discussing some of the things you’ve been through, observed, struggled with, bringing light to the pain you’ve endured and overcome. All with positive intent, especially for those healing a connection of some kind. Idk about the other person/s involved, you’re doing your part to be positive and do right by you, attempt healing something that’s fallen out or someone that’s acted out perhaps, shining light on issues for the purpose of growth. Could be a parent, grandparent, child, childhood friend, school mate, spouse, whoever. Some of you are getting the positive attention you’ve worked for and deserve, maybe even a promotion or some financial benefit, I don’t see you having to do much to even get this. You know your worth and so do others, your flowers are coming 💐

Signs you may be dealing with:

Taurus, Scorpio, Leo, Libra & Aquarius

Oracle: ✨

18 It’s All Good 😌

Every experience you have in your lifetime has the potential to be a teaching tool. By remembering and embracing this idea, the situations you encounter become less fraught with unneeded emotion and drama. By not attaching labels or expectations for people and situations, you allow the pure divine energy to flow unimpeded. While you have little control over what happens to you at times, you always have control over how you react. Do you react on an impulse? Strike out at others when you feel hurt? Do you crawl into your safe place when the world seems mean and hurtful? Face this challenge in your life head on. Be thankful for the opportunity to experience whatever it is that is happening. Set yourself a goal of learning from every situation in your life. Find that silver lining. It’s there.

Marriage 💍

Sweet Love - Couple - Dependency

Relaxation 😌

Peace - Tranquility - Easiness

Organization - Mercury Capricorn

We enter into March as:

Rhonda Rhino of Amethyst 🦏:

“The road to divinity is paved in forgiveness.”

The true essence of Rhonda is that her dreams came true because she never harbored resentment, this card is about forgiveness. Because she didn’t take her mother’s suffering personally, she didn’t have to work it out. There is a lightness to staying reasonably detached from another’s anger & pain. We only need to forgive ourselves if we have judged others. Rhonda focuses on what her dream is, not what others have done to her, she is the essence of goodness and forgiveness, nothing changed that about her.

What is to be learned in March:

Princess of Amber 👸🏽:

“I quietly sizzle and shine.”

You are connecting with your passion. It is time to focus on the task at hand and not divert your attention. If you are being of service to others, you will reap great rewards. This is a sign of great abundance with selflessness. Put your eye on the work and not the rewards. You’re also being urged to stand up for what you believe in. If you are being asked to compromise yourself, you must not. You are correct to feel passionate about your position, you know intuitively what a fair request is. When your intentions are good and true, you will always land with two feet on the ground. You may be up against pretty big odds, but you mustn’t give in to what you know is not correct. Others see your worth, it’s time for you to, and have faith that you are doing the right thing.

Orange/Amber may be lucky colors 🧡🤎

#Taurus #monthly tarot reading #march 2024 #monthly #tarot #astrology

[alostlittleriverlotus]

~Post ends with positivity~

I was in a YouTube thread with someone that used the term narcissist in a derogatory way for someone toxic/abusive. I saw some people try to educate them. The person started trauma dumping to defend themselves as if having trauma suddenly makes your point correct and then claimed that we were silencing people telling their stories.

I read through that thread. It was literally just "Don't use this. Using it in a condescending/derogatory way stigmatizes people with NPD and is harmful to the mentally ill." Like.

It's amazing how anti-narcissist folks always act like their definition of a narcissist. They get defensive when called out or when someone tries to educate them, can't take criticism, use their trauma as a defense mechanism for their crappy actions (in this case stigmatization and ableism), and won't listen to other perspectives. No one was being accusatory or rude or mean. Whether you feel justified or not, it isn't good to use narcissist as an insult for bad person or toxic person or abusive person. Replace narcissism with any other disability, physical or mental, and you will see how ableist it it.

And yes, there are people claiming autism abuse and borderline abuse and ADHD abuse. Subreddits for em exist. Those are the people you are siding with if you claim narcissistic abuse is real.

I gave a general education comment and tried to share some good alternatives like egotistical or self centered, but I'm not looking at that thread, man. They can learn from it or they can stay stuck in their ways.

But also in that same comment thread were people saying narcissists can't think of anyone but themselves and they can't actually care about others and NPD is all about how it hurts other people around them.

Like, yes, unstable relationships are common with any personality disorder since it's such irrational behavior and trauma responses. But that doesn't mean the disorder SHOULD be about how it affects others. Cause I've dealt with a lot of depressed people where it does affect others and I have been affected by it. A lot of toxic people I've known have used the label depression or were diagnosed with depression. I hated being diagnosed with ADHD and GAD cause my abusive ex boyfriend had them too. But I never once went on about ADHD abuse or anxiety abuse or depression abuse. I acknowledged my trauma based biases and reminded myself that these are people I never met and just cause my brain associates the disorder with my abuse doesn't make it right.

Your gut reaction if you are traumatized is not always right. That's where a lot of personality disorder behaviour comes from. My friend gets distracted cause of her ADHD and my first thought is that she's abandoning me. Someone corrects me and my first thought is that they're trying to humiliate me and mock me.

It's just a lot of anti-narcissist folks fall under the narcissist category they set up (not saying they have NPD, I'm saying that THEIR definition of narcissism is where they fall under.) Cause if anyone tries to educate them, they get so defensive and will ramble about their trauma to justify it.

Now for people reading this, if you are someone that believes in narcissistic abuse, I implore you to listen to those with NPD and try to work on this gut reaction and bias. Please. We are not your enemy, we are not denying your trauma, we are trying to ask you to think critically and realize the harm you are doing.

My personal story is being called a leech, told narcissists are empty and hollow, and told they can't feel real love. These are so common. There is no correlation with anyone with a personality disorder being more likely to be abusive than anyone else. You also need to realize how your trauma will affect you. I have shown abusive behaviour because of my abuse. With personality disorders, it is more likely to be inherited from a parent with it (my mom has NPD and so do I.) There is a lot to do for working on yourself and unlearning these biases especially when leaving the narcissistic abuse section.

Narcissists are not your enemy. They are not every bad abusive toxic person you've known. There are other words to use. Listen to us and people who support us. Because it starts with one thing like narcissism and antisociality. But it still happens to borderlines and it does happen to other neurodivergencies. You being the "good one" or you being the "good victim" will not help you. You are siding with ableists, people who will say other disorders are bad. You are throwing allies under the bus. It'll start with narcissists being the big thing now, but has happened to others and will happen again to them. Just like any marginalized group, you cannot throw one section under the bus for "being that bad" and expect it to not come to happen to where you fall under too.

There are people better explaining it than me especially since irl stuff is giving me overwhelm right now. But I ask you to think and listen. And trust me, it'll help way more in healing than holding on to evil narcissism and demonizing people and acting like we are trying to silence your abuse.

For anyone else reading this, I love you and I hope that you, whether you are a narcissist or not, are doing well. I love you narcissists. I love you antisocials. I love you borderlines. I love you histrionics. I love you paranoids. I love you schizoids. I love you schizotypals. I love you obsessive compulsives. I love you avoidants. I love you dependents. I love you anyone with a scary demonized disorder. I love you whether you're professionally diagnosed or self diagnosed. I love you systems. I love you systems with personality disorders. I love you anxious peeps. I love you depressed peeps. I love you autistics. I love you ADHDers. I love you neurodivergent peeps. I love you disabled peeps. I love you everyone. You are not broken or bad for having a disorder you didn't ask for. You are not broken or bad for being different than neurotypicals. You are not broken and bad for having a demonized disorder. You are not broken or bad for being the way you are. If you want, you can always be better. It is never black and white. You don't need to fit into the bs idea of a "good person" to be worthy of love, care, protection, compassion, etc. You are fucking amazing.

#npd #aspd #bpd #hpd #histrionic #borderline #narcissistic #narcissist #antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #borderline personality disorder #histrionic personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissists #narcissistic abuse #narc abuse #npd stigma #actually narcissistic #narcissist positivity #support personality disorders #support cluster b #support cluster a #support cluster c #this is mostly about npd but there is love for everyone #actually antisocial #actually borderline #actually histrionic #actually avoidant #actually paranoid #actually schizoid

[butch-reidentified]

Honestly I I feel that some of my problems would go away if I just... go on T. I'm a woman in STEM and I know how male voices and male names are prioritized over women's, I know that I would be better respected in my field (mathematics) if I had a male presentation. I already dress masculine and go by a male preferred name but I still "identify" as a woman (pronouns, etc. this ofc raises some eyebrows from my friends and uni faculty, as if GNCmity aren't a thing.) People typically think I'm a man until I open my mouth to speak. I know it's selfish, and it's cowardly, and it's society's misogyny, and other women are suffering too. But God the easy way out is so tempting. I wish I could have a male voice so that my female friends can safely call me when someone is following them at night. I remember my bestfriend calling her (ex-)friend when an old guy was harrasing her, and how he immediately asked for sex in exchange for helping her. I see my friend who has PTSD from sexual abuse afraid of leaving relationships because she believes she needs a man to protect her from 'the next rapist.' I've been successful in helping her get out of bad relationships so far and offering her a safe place. All the women in my life are in somewhat similar positions... having to rely on a man for their own survival... It's an irrational thought but maybe I can give them a sort of social protection if I present myself as a male person they can go to when they need help.

Do you feel/know if other detrans radfems feel the same way? Sorry deeply emotional as I write this and I needed a different perspective.

Have a nice day!

Hey, I'm sorry to hear you're going through these things. While I don't really feel the same, I've heard from many, many women who do. I'm gonna go one topic at a time here.

STEM-related:

To be honest, my being a woman in science is actually a major part of why I HATED the idea of being viewed as male even when I was on T and a libfem. I never ever wanted to be a guy. First off, because ever since I was really really little and boys were mean to me for being a girl, I've been completely convinced that we are the superior sex, no matter what anyone told me. Men always struck me as weak, easily manipulated (they'll do literally anything if you challenge them or imply they're cowardly or wimpy), impulsive, rude, emotionally volatile, childish, self-centered, etc. They brag about things they have not earned. Boys I knew in elementary would brag about their ALLOWANCE. Like... bro, your mom gives you that from her income, you ain't did shit for it 💀 In STEM in particular, I felt that my accomplishments would be less deserved, less earned, if I were viewed as male. I HATED that idea with a passion. I read about that one FTM researcher who was told his work was "so much better than his sister's." He didn't have a sister. Fuck that, I want to make my name on as true merit as possible. So while I can't say I relate to your feelings on this, I certainly understand where they're coming from. The only advice I have is to try to see from the persepctive I described above and see if you find peace in that.

Social Protection:

This is a bit more complicated. Again, I've never wanted to be a man, but I am fiercely protective of other women and girls, so I get why you feel that way. I understand feeling powerless to help in some situations as a woman. You may not be able to pull the "back off man, I'm her boyfriend" card or similar, but you can still look out for the women you care about, as you've shown by helping your friend get out of relationships before. It took time and conscious effort, but I trained myself to be brave and confrontational with men. With enough practice, it's become instinctive and reflexive. Meaning if I'm with a friend walking downtown at night and a man says some shit to her, I don't stop to think before I get in his face and tell him off. I will absolutely get in physical fights if necessary and have before. I also carry a knife and 1-2 pistols on me most times, which helps with the bravery bit, though I was doing this before I bought my guns or got my concealed carry permit. You might not be able to intimidate men by being one, but you absolutely can still intimidate or frighten them by being loud, aggressive, bold, and a little unhinged. AND you get the element of surprise as a woman.

As for the calling you when being followed, they should do that regardless. The threat isn't a male voice, it's the existence of a witness. If you're talking to a friend and she says she feels unsafe or threatened, then mysteriously the call cuts off, you're immediately going to call 911. I've found that even just faking being on the phone dissuades most creepy follow-y men.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this is helpful to you at all, but it definitely works for me. Please feel free to hmu if you have any questions or want to talk. Oh, and don't apologize for having emotions. You didn't do anything wrong, that's just femsoc & it isn't benefiting you 💕

If anyone else has anything to contribute please do!

#ask #anon ask #mine #femsoc #detrans support #detrans #radblr #radfems interact #radfems do touch #radfem safe #radical feminism #radfem #detrans woman #ftmtf

[bayindex5]

Apartment Features You Want To Avoid To Away On

You'll would like to eat could probably need to enjoy the beautiful sights and spots. This will probably take another $1,000 out of the pockets a person have are thrifty. If you want to achieve a blast, you'll really have to spend a little more. For example, a typical meal set at a good restaurant will set you back $20 1 person. If you'd like to go shopping, stores on Montana Avenue await you. No matter how you can also find cheaper shops. Unfit items . is that expensive you can find good merchandise at decent! Remember any time you do live with someone i know you are splitting vnpt internet line for rent linked to obesity . and atmosphere with i would say the. Do you possess a problem the following? Some renters don't gain benefit from the company of others. Alert is the truth with you, you need to try renting a studio or small one bedroom apartment home. An individual have not a problem dealing with another person living a same quarters as you, then should certainly be high quality. https://vnptvinaphone.net.vn/chuong-trinh-khuyen-mai-lap-mang-vnpt-ha-noi-thang-1-2021/ My friend told me that the apartments to rent were very practical and rich. It was just like helping your own property but in the foreign region. I needed to see this for myself and immediately opened Google to lookup sites where these self-catering apartments were for rent payment. It turns out that lots of the apartments are private rents by ex-pats possess bought property abroad and just rent it all out to cover the running costs. Remember that merely because carrying out apartment room may be larger than another, doesn't mean it more classy. Keep in mind you need to compare all apartment homes you visit with calculations. Never sign a lease at your initial apartment community you session. There are several apartment homes in a crucial city. Leasing agents will ever try and influence you to lease one on lots of. Spend a few days scouring over several apartment homes. Attempt to view only 4 or 5 day after day. If you see too many, you will forget what apartments had certain amenities and qualities. Many renters today take pictures with their camera phones to remind them within the communities possess viewed. This may appear like a visual one, nonetheless is an issue that a lot of people neglect to really investigate. Sure, finding an apartment is facts to consider about "where get to live", but it's similar to from every perspective. Particularly location. That complex a fairly short distance may be beautiful you may know a associated with people that recommended it, but how good are you going to enjoy your commute to school or work? A thirty minute drive sound like a long time when you need to do it every big day. Not to mention all of the money if you find yourself dumping to the gas equipment. It is considerations such as this that way too many people fail to consider. There as well people that offer apartments for rent situated their particular own includes. In case your property is far too big for starters family only there is absolutely nothing bad in converting it into a duplex or triplex and renting out there. And many we have done so ,. But the critical downside of these kinds of is becoming said in fact one house they have very thin inner walls that allow noise to spread easily to another units absolutely no one actually has any privacy their. Your best choice when in need of a bargain is to obtain as a long way away from metropolis as you can. This isn't state you must be move out into the sticks, however, you won't in order to be next to the largest shoe store or cultural center also. Think about the amount you're for you to pay for location alone, because that is what you're paying when ever you decide to live on these areas.

#lắp mạng vnpt cho gia đình nhanh nhất

[captainstarkky]

Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post

Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media.  But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.

For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.

And Myeol Mang represents that.

When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.

And remember what Myul Mang said?

“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”

It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)

That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.

Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.

According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.

Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?

Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about. 

The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.

By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well. 

There are five stages of grief as per the theory.

Denial

Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.

Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.

She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.

That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.

That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’

You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.

Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.

Anger

Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?

Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes. 

She blames him for everything - for a moment.

She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.

But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.

Because anger helps us cope.

Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.

The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.

She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:

People would forget about her when she die.

Wanting to live

Happy Ending

For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.

End of the world.

But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?

No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.

Depression

This is the interesting part.

What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.

Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.

Oh no, it did.

This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.

Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.

From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing. 

But why can’t we see it?

Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.

That makes sense.

And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness. 

The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’

And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.

Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.

And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.

We can hear her say:

“I’m not scared anymore...”

On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.

Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.

Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.

With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.

If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.

You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.

I hope it’s not like that.

Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.

You will enjoy it, I promise.

#doom at your service #tvn doom at your service #seo in-guk #seo in guk #park bo young #park bo-young #tak dong kyung #tak dong-kyung #myeol mang #kdrama #kdrama conspiracy theories #conspiracy theories #kdrama theories #tvn

[moon-kissed-witch]

Hey, can we have some of your thoughts on the signs and their quirks? It can be one from someone you know or just one you think they'd have

Thanks for your content!

Hi thank you for actually saying that this is content because I am aware that this is my free time and that this is gibberish but I do in fact take requests and take time to think about responses so thank you

And now:

- Libras are not as nonconfrontational as you all seem to think. They're going to even the scales and usually the best way to do that is to stay calm, be validating, and gently correct the situation. But sometimes someone is out of line and this is the sign that inspired Lady Justice. If ass kicking is necessary it'll fucking happen.

- If you hand an Aries dark chocolate they will act like it's an offense against their person.

- Yes Sag is the most likely to make plans for adventures but they're also the most likely to bail on them for whatever new plan has caught their interest. If you want a fully planned, aesthetic type adventure you need a pisces because they'll dream about it for months beforehand.

- Cancers have trench coat energy. You either understand what I mean or you don't.

- A virgo hurt my feelings months ago and I have hated her since.

- One time I was complaining that someone was way hotter than me (Yes I'm a Leo. Let's move on with the story) and I vented to both a virgo and a taurus and the taurus tried to tell me attractiveness is subjective and the virgo just went "lmaoooooooo she's not hotter than you"

- This same virgo once said "Why do girls think we care" in the context of prickly legs from not shaving for a few days

- Taurus is the most likely to start a project early, abandon it, and then finish it all in one night months later. Maybe it's a school thing. Maybe it's fanfic. Doesn't matter. They be like that.

- Aquarius is the sign most likely to give you an insult that sticks with you forever. Not like "You're ugly" but something that speaks to your soul on an intimate level, like "You're the kind of person who recycles in public but not in your own home" and it hurts every time you grab a plastic bottle for the rest of your life

- Geminis aren't two faced or passive aggressive. They say and act how they mean as they mean it and their opinions change with every piece of new information given.

-Leo suns and risings are most likely to have their lives revolve around themselves and therefore seem more self centered, but Leo moons emotions are nearly always seen through the perspective of "how does this affect me?"

- If you have Leo placements in your big three or your mars, you need to accept that your ego is fragile or you're going to be an ass every time someone drips on your tissue paper thin sense of self. Control yourself.

- I knew someone with a Leo sun, Cancer moon, cancer rising and she was the literal worst person I've ever met. I'm not blaming her lack of morality on her signs but this is the smallest way I can vent about her. I'm still friends with her ex though. He's cool.

- When I found out my boyfriend's moon and rising I was disappointed. He changed my mind about how much I hate my two least favorite signs.

- If you're a virgo rising but a gemini, Scorpio, or fire sign sun you're not the mom friend you're the drunk aunt.

- All aries are either the drunk aunt or the disowned cousin

- I've never met a pisces who didn't care about their hair.

- Capricorns aren't as obsessive about saving money as virgos are.

- (this one is sexual. If you're not okay with that don't read this one) Scorpios aren't the horniest sign of the zodiac, that's taurus. Taurus is the "Netflix and chill but we turn off the TV when we fuck" and scorpio is the "I will rail you but we're learning about Ted Bundy right now, please be quiet" brand of Netflix and chill. Virgo is the "get off me, I don't wanna bang while I'm watching Pride and Prejudice. Maybe before bed."

[bloodbenderz]

Can I ask what your season 1 Lok reboot looks like?

this is about 3k words i checked lmfao dont say i didnt warn u

a key part of the whole thing is that korra gets way more perspectives and more experiences representative of like, normal people in republic city bc i think something that really defined what a good avatar aang was was how many people he met and got to know and how he didnt exclusively or even mostly associate w cops and bureaucrats and leaders. so mako and bolin. well first of all their backstories are a little more fleshed out and we get a less black and white view of the “triads” (lol) and mako and bolin’s experiences w them. cuz the show very much does the whole thing of like Criminals Bad but dont worry even tho mako and bolin did commit crimes theyre not Criminals!! so just a little more nuance on the alleged gang problem and the poverty in the city

korra does start out very naive w very black and white ideas (ex. “you guys are CRIMINALS?”) i think a really good way of developing her away from her sheltered naive worldview is putting her in whats clearly an incredibly complicated city w an absolute cesspool of political conflicts, ethnic tensions, the lasting effects of colonization, etc and having her try and understand the needs of “the people” in a more complicated way than “i have to save the good guys from the bad guys” ykwim? and i think the absolute WORST way to do that is what they did. bc we get mako and bolin who could contribute genuinely compelling thematic elements to the story: one parent who was indigenous and one who was from a colonizer background in the decades directly following the end of the war, kids who grew up in poverty apparently without any familial support, and who now are trying to be “respectable” members of society (especially mako). and then most of that is pretty much tossed aside bc asami swoops in w her capitalist dad and her piles of money and the class issue is just never talked about again.

so the way i’d fix all that is like. introducing more, like, normal people. some nonbenders, more workers, more immigrants, etc, to show what daily life is actually like for people. because. we dont know! we dont have any context about whether the nonbender oppression thing is actually an issue bc we dont KNOW any nonbenders with normal lives! and spoiler: the nonbender oppression thing is not an issue. bc it doesnt make historical sense. lok is set 7 decades after the end of the war. that is not by ANY stretch of the imagination long enough to heal from the scars of imperialism, ESPECIALLY not when lok is also set in a settler colonial state. like that fact should have featured PROMINENTLY in the political and social setting! realistically, nonbenders arent an oppressed class, earth and water nation people are, regardless of bending status! as in all settler colonial states, the colonizers and their descendants (in this case fire nation people) retain most of the financial and political capital, leaving the colonized and racialized immigrants (in this case earth kingdom and water tribe people respectively) generally impoverished and politically suppressed. like aside from the fact that theres no way toph would have become a cop, it’s so ridiculous to think that an established privileged class of fire nation colonizers would EVER accept being policed by earthbenders!

imagine how much more nuanced and interesting it would be to set republic city as a remnant of a colonial past still fraught w the violence and tension that colonialism and the associated ideology imposed?? instead of some vague ideas of criminal who wear 1920s outfits and harass shopkeepers think about why extralegal and violent groups like that might form! earth kingdom people trying to push for the reclamation of their land? ethnic groups protecting themselves against corrupt cops? ESPECIALLY w the history that the fire nation has of SPECIFICALLY jailing and killing earthbenders and waterbenders BECAUSE of the potential they have to resist against fire nation imperialism like it just makes no sense at all that earthbenders would be privileged on land that, 70 years ago, they would have been imprisoned on! like these various paramilitary groups falling along these different ideological or ethnic lines, fire nation or earth kingdom or water tribe, pro colonization or anti colonization, pro cop or anti cop, pro immigrant or anti immigrant, and then you juxtapose that w depictions of a govt thats failing to keep this all under control w tenzin trying desperately to keep it together despite the fact that it’s becoming increasingly obvious that the state has no interest in taking the conflicts seriously and would rather just point vague fingers at criminals and gangs? and THEN you bring in korra, who has no idea about any of this and thinks that all its gonna take is kicking some ass every couple days, meeting normal people who offer all kinds of different opinions abt the efficacy of the state and the different violent or nonviolent groups and ideologies clashing in the city and the way all this shit is affecting people’s lives and livelihoods and relationships w other citizens??

theres so much good shit there so many incredible things u could do w that like Where do we go after colonial atrocities? is it possible for a settler colonial state to take revolutionary or indigenous ideas seriously? is liberal reform enough in a state like this? and then all the growth that korra could do going from a simple black and white life about mastering the elements to this messy complicated sociopolitical knot of a city? and all the different kinds of characters u could introduce in this city? like why would u EVER think that the most interesting characters that this story has to offer is a police chief a congressman and a billionaire????

but anyways. that’s what the Setting of my idealized version of lok is. as for the actual plot, it is as follows

it starts out similarly as the show. republic city is MUCH more fraught w political tension and violence and korra knows this but assumes that it’s just a matter of throwing a few gang leaders and corrupt officials in jail. tenzin manages to come see them in the south pole and intends give korra real lessons while he’s there but they receive news of a terrorist attack in republic city only a few days after he gets there so his family has to pack up and leave again.

korra stows away to republic city (katara catches her leaving and gives her blessing im a SUCKER for that moment). she does have a hard time adjusting but she doesn’t do what she did in the show lol the first person she meets in the city is this older woman who works on the docks, directs her to a place where she can eat and gives her a roof to sleep under for the first night. so korra’s first exposure to republic city is just about forming connections w ordinary people like ship workers and a family owned restaurant and people practicing their bending in the park. and by the time she reaches air temple island a day or so later her head is spinning w all this new information and the way that nothing is really what she expected it to be. tenzin gives her his own perspective on everything and pema gives her her own perspective on everything and even those two seem wildly different from all the people she’s already met. and so korra starts to get a kind of outline of the conflicts plaguing the city as extremely complex and a lot more influenced by older ideas of fire nation imperialism and earth kingdom land reclamation than she had any idea about.

mako and bolin are still pro benders but not like. super famous like they are in the show. korra’s picked up a couple friends by now and one of them takes her to a gym where a lot of amateur pro bending (is that an oxymoron? lol) matches happen and thats how she meets mako and bolin and joins their pro bending team. Unfortunately for korra, this gym is run by lin beifong, and also has the distinction of being one of the most notoriously anti settler state organizations in the country. lin beifong is NOT a cop but she runs this gym (and the pro bending league) as a way to offer support to local earth kingdom/water tribe youth, teach self defense skills, a center of community organizing, and sometimes to act as a front to hide revolutionary/combat organizing against the pro fire nation paramilitaries/police force. tenzin is DISTRAUGHT that korra does this and this is where the friction btwn them comes from bc (from tenzin’s perspective) she does things like this without thinking or even fully understanding the context behind them and tenzin will have to deal w the political fallout of the avatar openly aligning herself w a very divisive figure in the community and (from korra’s perspective) tenzin is too unwilling to take sides in a conflict that’s claiming lives and when the state is clearly not taking sufficient steps to protect people well then why the hell shouldnt she align herself w lin beifong, who IS taking steps to protect and support people?

as korra more fully integrates herself into the city and learns more abt how different people think abt everything going on this is where the real exposition abt the equalists begins. they’re a paramilitary group w an ideology thats gaining increasing support among middle/upper class fire nation people, esp nonbenders. on the face theyre abt putting checks on “bender oppression” but really it’s an excuse to persecute and surveil earthbenders waterbenders and airbenders, bc fire nation people have all this leftover fear about benders who arent fire nation Rising Up Against them and these people who r using their Savage Excuse for Bending to terrorize good innocent (fire nation) people. theres all too frequent terrorist attacks that the equalists claim credit for mostly against monuments to earth/water/air nation people and earth/water nation community centers (one like it was the event that forced tenzin back to republic city) but also like the govt doesnt take a lot of these seriously or if they do only a couple people are charged without doing damage to the entire organization

this is also around the time that they meet asami and she becomes part of their friend group. asami likes pro bending but her dad HATES it so she sneaks out to watch matches at lin beifong’s gym (korra says ironically like don’t u know how ~divisive~ that is and asami answers that the only reason its Not divisive is that gyms like beifongs are the only place where nobody recognizes her). and asami alongside korra is also kind of developing a more nuanced perspective on the city that she lives in cuz obviously the only worldview she’s ever been exposed to is her father’s right? and she keeps pushing it off making excuses not to bring mako and bolin and korra around to her house or even not to be seen w them in certain neighborhoods until they call her on it and she’s like Well honestly my dad might do something awful to u! and i dont wanna risk it!

and as time goes on we see more abt asami’s home life like her father’s hyper conservative politics and asami keeps these secrets abt her hobbies and her friends from him but she’s still clearly under his influence and mako bolin and korra r getting increasingly worried abt it cuz like...asami seems to tend to make excuses for him so that she wont have to be drawn into conflict and originally they think its just her being privileged and thats def part of it but the more they find out abt it the more they realize what a tight fucking grip he has on her and the way that like. asami sneaking out once or twice a week is the Only thing she does for herself. and it really starts freaking them out how influential this billionaire is and all the information theyre getting from asami abt what a piece of shit he clearly is. and so that whole plot thing comes about and shows us how deeply embedded these “equalist” ideas are in conservative republic city politics and how much influence theyre actually having in policy making and law enforcement.

asami suffers in the aftermath of this like being forced to truly confront the harm her father is doing both to the city and to herself. and she ends up leaving home when this discovery really breaks. but bc of the deep corruption in govt and police sato isn’t really....dealt with? like this big story breaks and everyones like Oh, My God! Hiroshi Sato Is Funding An Illegal Paramilitary Group! and theres all kinds of inane political discourse about it and he’s arrested but he bails himself out immediately and his finances are examined but he maintains control over them and after a few weeks the gang (bc they Have become close among all this w much less interpersonal drama lol) has to admit that this news story hasnt done what they thought it was going to it hasn’t dealt the equalists a real hit its just given them a very high profile ally

and this is when things really start to ramp up in terms of action like up until now korra’s daily activities are mostly like hanging around in the city w her friends  (which in part entails doing little avatar stuff that people dont feel comfortable going to police with, like Can you help me my ex husband wont pay child support or Please help i got robbed and i really needed that money for rent next month or Help my son keeps skipping school can you talk to him cuz im worried abt him being safe and doing well in school) and pro bending and airbending lessons (which i know ive neglected this part of the story in terms of her whole spiritual/physical conflict but it’s more of a subtle thing like it’s one of tenzin and korra’s more frequent arguments like tenzin says she needs to focus on spirituality and korra asks why she even needs to bc republic city is a sociopolitical problem not a spiritual one) but now the equalist threat seems to really be looming on every level of society like the storyline of equalists preventing pro bending matches happens here and everyones just at a total loss of what to do next. plus increasing and scary rhetoric about tenzin and his family that destroying the last airbenders is necessary to preserving the integrity of the united republic

and so theres the equalist takeover of the city. the people who are mostly resisting this are lin and ragtag group of people who have been resisting colonial rule for a long time (including suyin, who is part of a communist anti colonial community outside the city, because i said so and i think it would be fun), people who have been visiting her gym for years, members of her amateur pro bending league, plus asami and korra and tenzin. korra and tenzin have a sweet moment (bc they do genuinely care abt each other a lot even if their relationship has been marked w a lot of tension and arguing) where tenzin says like you know i think that ive lost focus on the kind of spirituality that might actually help you. korra says what do you mean? and tenzin kind of gestures to where theyre sitting with people buzzing around organizing to take care of innocents and civilians and to fight the equalists and he says this is a kind of spiritual too, isnt it?

and something something plot plot blah blah i havent decided on the details of the plot climax yet but that’s the climax of korra’s character development and what helps her connect w her spiritual side in order to protect the city: the realization that community is its own kind of spirituality. and it kind of represents the real development that i want her to have going from somebody who thinks that the world is divided into criminals and victims and she has to save the victims Into the kind of avatar who understands the people that she’s bound to serve. she becomes an avatar of the people!

and then happy ending lol korra and asami get together lin and tenzin reconcile after years of being at odds the show ends on a hopeful note that the inhabitants of republic city and the united republic as a whole Can move on from the scars of colonialism by reckoning w the remnants of fire nation colonial ideology and reparations to the earth kingdom people whose land this is and destruction of colonial systems that have maintained and enforced colonial violence all these years

#the ending of this isnt as detailed as the beginning and middle bc ive drafted the first couple chapters but i havent thought out the #logistics and details of the climax lol #asks #lok

[murdereraisuha]

Final Chapter 5 Reflection

This will have my personal opinion/thoughts on:

The VDC outcome, Rook’s actions, and what could’ve made it better

The Rook reveal and Neige

Kalim, Jamil, and Epel’s development

The Grim scene

Total word count: 2134 words

--- 1 ---

So, RSA won the VDC. My feelings on this are mixed.

Looking at it in relation to the whole plot of TWST, it makes sense. It moves the chance for NRC to finally beat RSA to the upcoming magift tournament, which gives NRC’s potential victory a large amount of excitement/importance which it wouldn’t get from this middle of the year championship.

Furthermore, Rook’s actions do make sense based on his personality. If Vil really didn’t believe that he himself was beautiful, Rook of course would vote for the team that exhibited pure joy in their performance and therefore exhibited a heartfelt beauty. It would be a lie to vote for NRC, and it would disgrace both Rook and Vil. Rook’s actions plot wise also lead to the discussion about Vil valuing himself vs seeking value from others, which I think is a crucial thing for Vil to remember. While trying to gain recognition for hard work is good, and Vil certainly does deserve recognition, it’s much more important to maintain a good perception of yourself even when things happen or people wrongfully say things that might tear down your self-esteem

However, I still have issues with how this played out in relation to the plot of chapter 5. It’s unrealistic for all of Vil’s misgivings about himself to get fixed through the power of friendship and beating each other up. But, still, the team went through a lot in order to get to the championship united and ready to perform. It feels like a slap in the face for them to lose after all that. Especially the scene with Kalim and Epel crying while Ya Hoo cheerfully plays in the background, it's so comically dissonant. Though we already got an explanation from Vil about how Neige’s performance appeals to viewers, I was still shocked. At least it was a close competition rather than a crushing defeat. 

Also, while Rook’s message was sound, the timing was rather bad. Vil and the rest of the team just had a massive battle and then went through a whole song & dance performance without major blunders while still injured. Focusing on Vil’s self-esteem there makes it seem like Rook is just brushing all that determination and effort away. Though Vil doesn’t seem to truly hold it against Rook since he offers the handkerchief back to Rook when he cries, the situation still feels off.

In conclusion, I think that the plot events made sense. However, the execution of them could have been improved. As is, it’s hard to understand Rook’s motivations in this part due to the ridiculousness of RSA’s kid’s song winning. To fix that without just completely overhauling the plot, I believe that the admirable qualities of Neige and the dwarves should have been shown more clearly. For example, while the Pomefiore CM shows a glimpse of their bond, that’s nonexistent in the game. I think that incorporating that into the game (ex. a short scene of Neige reassuring the dwarves that their performance will go well before they step on stage) would help people understand Rook’s point of view better by showing instead of just telling us about the belief Neige has in his friends.. 

Moreover, alongside better reasons for why Rook choose RSA, I think it should be clearer why he did not choose NRC. It seems an attempt at warning of the “betrayal” was done with Vil menacingly saying he’ll win the VDC during the voting, followed by the shot of Rook just going “........”.  To make this less sudden, I think I would change episode 66. Though that episode has Vil saying that he’s ugly, because the team contradicts him and keeps him as the leader it makes it seem like the problem is solved there. Therefore, to better lead to Rook’s speech, I would change episode 66 to have Vil show more hesitation and signs that he still doesn’t believe in himself. 

--- 2 ---

Anyway, on to the reveal about Rook. I wasn’t sure what to think about the name slip up during the previous part, but I just guessed that maybe they’d met before and that meeting is related to RSA and Rook having light magic. Nope, we get Neige simp Rook. I think this reveal was really surprising, but more in a funny way than a “ruins Rook’s character” way. It’s nice to see Rook seriously caught off guard by Neige just nonchalantly exposing him in front of everyone, and everyone’s reactions were extremely funny.

I think that the chapter did a decent job of making it clear that Rook’s relationship with Neige as a fan of him is vastly different from Rook’s calm admiration of and friendship with Vil. I’m kind of curious now about how and when Rook became a fan though. Him being the 2nd member of the fan club implies that Rook found Neige when Neige still hadn’t gotten much fame yet. 

I loved everyone’s Ya Hoo too. Ace and Jamil having level 0 enthusiam, Kalim and Rook having level 1000 enthusiasm, Deuce being startled but slowly getting into it but still being kind of eh, Epel just keeping that wide-eyed confused expression the whole time. ボーテ、１００点. For Vil, I understand that he was probably faking his big smile for the benefit of the audience. However, I still hope his opinion of Neige has improved somewhat or will improve. Neige telling Vil that he’s still number one in the eyes of the people who voted for him was really sweet and their interactions with each other are pretty cute/funny when Vil isn’t trying to murder him.

Unlike other minor characters like Chenya and Farena who either weren’t involved in the plot or were only involved as backstory, Neige is Vil’s present rival and motivation for doing the stuff he does and over blotting. With such a large presence that continued all throughout the chapter and the Rook reveal, it would seem strange for Neige to suddenly drop out of existence come chapter 6.

Therefore, assuming that the Grim situation doesn’t derail the current patterns we’ve seen in the story, I think that Neige will be included as part of the Pomefiore involvement in chapter 6. Of course, it could be something small like getting called in for a favor near the end or just mentions of Rook continuing to write him fan letters. However, I’m hoping it’s something larger. From my analysis of the previous part:

Vil’s team’s performance had a lot of cohesion and rehearsal put into it, but it was very competitive focused. On the other hand, Neige and the dwarves obviously had a lot of fun with their performance. However, it was clumsy and they were ill prepared. Therefore, Vil could teach Neige more discipline and planning while Neige could teach Vil about how to not lose sight of finding joy in your work. 

Now that we have confirmation that Neige is a genuinely nice guy, I really want Vil & Neige friendship to happen, or for them to at least be on good terms with each other. It might just be my personal love for relationships where one person tries to be all rival-y but then the other is like “nope, I’m going to friend you whether you like it or not,” but I think this sort of development in the story of TWST would be really enjoyable to watch.

--- 3 ---

For the performance of Absolutely Beautiful, I love that Jamil got to be in the center for a bit. However, that also just makes me more disappointed that we didn’t get more Scarabia or anything about how their families are watching this. With the stuff in 5-30 and 5-34 focusing on Kalim’s perspective on things and his relationship with Jamil, I thought that at some point we would get a final scene focusing on them and how they’ve developed since chapter 4. What we got with  Jamil swooping in to the rescue with the magic carpet then talking about how he could sense that Kalim was about to do something stupid was better than nothing, but idk. I just love the writing and complexity these two have gotten and I wanted that to continue to the end. I still have hope though! If we can get a thing about Leona noticing the traces of magic in the arena, then we can get future appearances from the Scarabia boys too!... please...

Now, for Epel, I also have mixed feelings about his development throughout the chapter. I absolutely loved the beach scene with Deuce and Epel, it was so cute and I liked Epel realizing the power of beauty because of the apple juice Magicam post. However, I think the narrative missed something important. Though Epel’s views had a lot of improvement to be made, Vil’s treatment of him was also terrible and should have been addressed. I believe Vil saying that “throwing a tantrum and taking it out on others was terrible of him” in episode 66 implies that he’s realized that all his actions, not just the overblot, were wrong. However, it’s not clear enough that that was the intention. Vil does not apologize specifically for how he attempted to force Epel to conform to his own beliefs. Though there’s always chapter 6, it still doesn’t seem like the story will ever really address this issue, which is a shame to say the least.

Furthermore, in this final part, Epel offering to take the center position was really good and showed how much he’s grown since the beginning of the chapter. However, it still didn’t bring the whole “poison apple” thing to fruition. Absolutely no one made any comment on his cuteness or how it might rival Neige’s cuteness. Did they plan something with that but scraped it? Like, this is way too little pay off for such a focus on Vil shaping Epel into a way to best Neige. My disappointment with this ending might have to do with these past 3 main story updates being the only ones I’ve been in this fandom for, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whatever the cause of my disappointment may be, my disappointment still does exist.

--- 4 ---

To top off this roller coaster of a chapter and end this reflection with a more neutral analysis, we have the stuff with Mickey and Grim. Mickey seems really nice, I’m glad that Yuu seems to have made an ally in him. We certainly need one after whatever the hell just happened with Grim. I really have to give props for how unsettling both Grim’s appearance and the sounds during that scene were.

Though we’re obviously getting close to the endgame, the Ignihyde sneak peak that we got seems pretty normal and related to their personal problems rather than the plot. Though it would be interesting for a big change to happen like Yuu being out of commission for the chapter, I think it’s more likely that Yuu will be rescued, Grim just goes missing, then we don’t get much more info on that whole thing until the end of chapter 6 leading into chapter 7.

Anyway, for the scene itself I understand if it just because silent protagonist, don’t want to make them talk/do too much, but it feels kind of weird that there wasn’t really any indication of a struggle? Just standing there, staring at Grim, getting clawed, then black out. Nothing to indicate trying to step back. There was some weird clopping??? sound after he attacked but since the camera didn’t move that wasn’t Yuu collapsing.

Also, it might just be supposed to be “Grim’s laugh but creepy,” but his ケヒッ、 ケヒヒッ laughter sounds unusually distinctive? Idk, I just had the thought that it could be in reference to some other disney character with a similar laugh but idk who that would be since I’m not big into disney movies.

Right before he attacks, Grim also shouts “this is my stone!!!” Firstly, assuming that this stone is the same small size as the others, shouldn’t he already be done eating it? Yuu’s not exactly gonna stick their hand down his throat to retrieve it. So what stone is he talking about?

Well, we know that the magic crystal on the magic pens is supposed to collect blot so that it doesn’t built up inside someone, right? Blot accumulated from outright eating it instead of blot accumulated from casting magic is probably different, but what if some of the blot from the black stones did get gathered up by Grim’s crystal on his collar? We know how crazed he has been getting about the black stones. Is it so much of a stretch to think that he might be trying for more? That he might be trying to create instead of just find? 

How would a black magic crystal taste?

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #neige leblanche #twst theories #twst grim #update screaming

[letterboxd]

Careful How You Go.

Ella Kemp explores how film lovers can protect themselves from distressing subject matter while celebrating cinema at its most audacious.

Featuring Empire magazine editor Terri White, Test Pattern filmmaker Shatara Michelle Ford, writer and critic Jourdain Searles, publicist Courtney Mayhew, and curator, activist and producer Mia Bays of the Birds’ Eye View collective.

This story contains discussion of rape, sexual assault, abuse, self-harm, trauma and loss of life, as well as spoilers for ‘Promising Young Woman’ and ‘A Star is Born’.

We film lovers are blessed with a medium capable of excavating real-life emotion from something seemingly fictional. Yet, for all that film is—in the oft-quoted words of Roger Ebert—an “empathy machine”, it’s also capable of deeply hurting its audience when not wielded by its makers and promoters with appropriate care. Or, for that matter, when not approached by viewers with informed caution.

Whose job is it to let us know that we might be upset by what we see? With the coronavirus pandemic decimating the communal movie-going experience, the way we accommodate each viewer’s sensibilities is more crucial than ever—especially when so many of us are watching alone, at home, often unsupported.

In order to understand how we can champion a film’s content and take care of its audience, I approached women in several areas of the movie ecosystem. I wanted to know: how does a filmmaker approach the filming of a rape and its aftermath? How does a magazine editor navigate the celebration of a potentially triggering movie in one of the world’s biggest film publications? How does a freelance writer speak to her professional interests while preserving her personal integrity? How does a women’s film collective create a safe environment for an audience to process such a film? And, how does a publicist prepare journalists for careful reporting, when their job is to get eyeballs on screens in order to keep our favorite art form afloat?

The conversations reminded me that the answers are endlessly complex. The concerns over spoilers, the effectiveness of trigger warnings, the myriad ways in which art is crafted from trauma, and the fundamental question of whose stories these are to tell. These questions were valid decades ago, they will be for decades to come, and they feel especially urgent now, since a number of recent tales helmed by female and non-binary filmmakers depict violence and trauma involving women’s bodies in fearless, often challenging ways.

Emerald Fennell’s Promising Young Woman, in particular, has revived a vital conversation about content consideration, as victims and survivors of sexual assault record wildly different reactions to its astounding ending. Shatara Michelle Ford’s quietly tense debut, Test Pattern, brings Black survivors into the conversation. And the visceral, anti-wish-fulfillment horror Violation, coming soon from Dusty Mancinelli and Madeleine Sims-Fewer, takes the rape-revenge genre up another notch.

These films come off the back of other recent survivor stories, such as Michaela Coel’s groundbreaking series I May Destroy You (which centers women’s friendship in a narrative move that, as Sarah Williams has eloquently outlined, happens too rarely in this field). Also: Kata Wéber and Kornél Mundruczó’s Pieces of a Woman, and the ongoing ugh-ness of The Handmaid’s Tale. And though this article is focused on plots centering women’s trauma, I acknowledge the myriad of stories that can be triggering in many ways for all manner of viewers. So whether you’ve watched one of these titles, or others like them, I hope you felt supported in the conversations to follow, and that you feel seen.

Weruche Opia and Michaela Coel in ‘I May Destroy You’.

* * *

Simply put, Promising Young Woman is a movie about a woman seeking revenge against predatory men. Except nothing about it is simple. Revenge movies have existed for aeons, and we’ve rooted for many promising young (mostly white) women before Carey Mulligan’s Cassie (recently: Jen in Coralie Fargeat’s Revenge, Noelle in Natalia Leite’s M.F.A.). But in Promising Young Woman, the victim is not alive to seek revenge, so it becomes Cassie’s single-minded crusade. Mercifully, we never see the gang-rape that sparks Cassie’s mission. But we do see a daring, fatal subversion of the notion of a happy ending—and this is what has audiences of Emerald Fennell’s jaw-dropping debut divided.

“For me, being a survivor, the point is to survive,” Jourdain Searles tells me. The New York-based critic, screenwriter, comedian—and host of Netflix’s new Black Film School series—says the presence of death in Promising Young Woman is the problem. “One of the first times I spoke openly about [my assault], I made the decision that I didn’t want to go to the police, and I got a lot of judgment for that,” she says. “So watching Promising Young Woman and seeing the police as the endgame is something I’ve always disagreed with. I left thinking, ‘How is this going to help?’”

“I feel like I’ve got two hats on,” says Terri White, the London-based editor-in chief of Empire magazine, and the author of a recently published memoir, Coming Undone. “One of which is me creating a magazine for a specific film-loving audience, and the other bit of me, which has written a book about trauma, specifically about violence perpetrated against the body. They’re not entirely siloed, but they are two distinct perspectives.”

White loved both Promising Young Woman and I May Destroy You, because they “explode the myth of resolution and redemption”. She calls the ending of Promising Young Woman “radical” in the way it speaks to the reality of what happens to so many women. “I was thinking about me and women like me, women who have endured violence and injury or trauma. Three women every week are still killed [in the UK] at the hands of an ex-partner, or somebody they know intimately, or a current partner. Statistically, any woman who goes for some kind of physical confrontation in [the way Cassie does] would end up dying.”

She adds: “I felt like the film was in service to both victims and survivors, and I use the word ‘victims’ deliberately. I call myself a victim because I think if you’ve endured either sexual violence or physical violence or both, a lot of empowering language, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t reflect the reality of being a victim or a survivor, whichever way you choose to call yourself.” This point has been one many have disagreed on. In a way, that makes sense—no victim or survivor can be expected to speak to anyone else’s experience but their own.

Carey Mulligan and Emerald Fennell on the set of ‘Promising Young Woman’.

Likewise, there is no right or wrong way to feel about this film, or any film. But a question that arises is, well, should everyone have to see a film to figure that out? And should victims and survivors of sexual violence watch this film? “I have definitely been picky about who I’ve recommended it to,” Courtney Mayhew says. “I don’t want to put a friend in harm’s way, even if that means they miss out on something awesome. It’s not worth it.”

Mayhew is a New Zealand-based international film publicist, and because of her country’s success in controlling Covid 19, she is one of the rare people able to experience Promising Young Woman in a sold-out cinema. “It was palpable. Everyone was so engaged and almost leaning forwards. There were a lot of laughs from women, but it was also a really challenging setting. A lot of people looking down, looking away, and there was a girl who was crying uncontrollably at the end.”

“Material can be very triggering,” White agrees. “It depends where people are personally in their journey. When I still had a lot of trauma I hadn’t worked through in my 20s, I found certain things very difficult to watch. Those things are a reality—but people can make their own decisions about the material they feel able to watch.”

It’s about warning, and preparation, more than total deprivation, then? “I believe in giving people information so they can make the best choice for themselves,” White says. “But I find it quite reductive, and infantilizing in some respects, to be told broadly, ‘Women who have experienced x shouldn’t watch this.’ That underestimates the resilience of some people, the thirst for more information and knowledge.” (This point is clearly made in this meticulous, awe-inspiring list by Jenn, who is on a journey to make sense of her trauma through analysis of rape-revenge films.) But clarity is crucial, particularly for those grappling with unresolved issues.

Searles agrees Promising Young Woman can be a difficult, even unpleasant watch, but still one with value. “As a survivor it did not make me feel good, but it gave me a window into the way other people might respond to your assault. A lot of the time [my friends] have reacted in ways I don’t understand, and the movie feels like it’s trying to make sense of an assault from the outside, and the complicated feelings a friend might have.”

Molly Parker and Vanessa Kirby in ‘Pieces of a Woman’.

* * *

A newborn dies. A character is brutally violated. A population is tortured. To be human is to bear witness to history, but it’s still painful when that history is yours, or something very close to it. “Some things are hard to watch because you relate to them,” Searles explains. “I find mother! hard to watch, and there’s no actual sexual assault. But I just think of sexual assault and trauma and domestic abuse, even though the film isn’t about that. The thing is, you could read an academic paper on patriarchy—you don’t need to watch it on a show [or in a film] if you don’t want to.”

White agrees: “I’ve never been able to watch Nil by Mouth, because I grew up in a house of domestic violence and I find physical violence against women on screen very hard to watch. But that doesn’t mean I think the film shouldn’t be shown—it should still exist, I’ve just made the choice not to watch it.” (Reader, since our conversation, she watched it. At 2:00am.)

“I know people who do not watch Promising Young Woman or The Handmaid’s Tale because they work for an NGO in which they see those things literally in front of their eyes,” Mayhew says. “It could be helpful for someone who isn’t aware [of those issues], but then what is the purpose of art? To educate? To entertain? For escapism? It’s probably all of those.”

Importantly, how much weight should an artist’s shoulders carry, when it comes to considering the audiences that will see their work? There’s a general agreement among my interviewees that, as White says, “filmmakers have to make the art that they believe in”. I don’t think any film lover would disagree, but, suggests Searles, “these films should be made with survivors in mind. That doesn’t mean they always have to be sensitive and sad and declawed. But there is a way to be provocative, while leaning into an emotional truth.”

Madeleine Sims-Fewer in ‘Violation’.

Violation, about which I’ll say little here since it is yet to screen at SXSW (ahead of its March 25 release on Shudder) is not at all declawed, and is certainly made with survivors in mind—in the sense that in life, unlike in movies, catharsis is very seldom possible no matter how far you go to find it. On Letterboxd, many of those who saw Violation at TIFF and Sundance speak of feeling represented by the rape-revenge plot, writing: “One of the most intentionally thought out and respectful of the genre… made by survivors for survivors” and “I feel seen and held”. (Also: “This movie is extremely hard to watch, completely on purpose.”)

“Art can do great service to people,” agrees White, “If, by consequence, there is great service for people who have been in that position, that’s a brilliant consequence. But I don’t believe filmmakers and artists should be told that they are responsible for certain things. There’s a line of responsibility in terms of being irresponsible, especially if your community is young, or traumatised.”

Her words call to mind Bradley Cooper’s reboot of A Star is Born, which many cinephiles knew to be a remake and therefore expected its plot twist, but young filmgoers, drawn by the presence of Lady Gaga, were shocked (and in some cases triggered) by a suicide scene. When it was released, Letterboxd saw many anguished reviews from younger members. In New Zealand, an explicit warning was added to the film’s classification by the country’s chief censor (who also created an entirely new ‘RP18’ classification for the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, which eventually had a graphic suicide scene edited out two years after first landing on the streaming service).

“There is a duty of care to audiences, and there is also a duty of care to artists and filmmakers,” says Mayhew. “There’s got to be some way of meeting in the middle.” The middle, perhaps, can be identified by the filmmaker’s objective. “It’s about feeling safe in the material,” says Mia Bays of the Birds’ Eye View film collective, which curates and markets films by women in order to effect industry change. “With material like this, it’s beholden on creatives to interrogate their own intentions.”

Filmmaker Shatara Michelle Ford is “forever interrogating” ideas of power. Their debut feature, Test Pattern, deftly examines the power differentials that inform the foundations of consent. “As an artist, human, and person who has experienced all sorts of boundary violation, assault and exploitation in their life, I spend quite a lot of time thinking about power… It is something I grapple with in my personal life, and when I arrive in any workplace, including a film set.”

In her review of Test Pattern for The Hollywood Reporter, Searles writes, “This is not a movie about sexual assault as an abstract concept; it’s a movie about the reality of a sexual assault survivor’s experience.” Crucially, in a history of films that deal largely with white women’s experiences, Test Pattern “is one of the few sexual-assault stories to center a Black woman, with her Blackness being central to her experience and the way she is treated by the people around her.”

Brittany S. Hall in ‘Test Pattern’.

* * *

Test Pattern follows the unfolding power imbalance between Renesha (Brittany S. Hall) and her devoted white boyfriend Evan (Will Brill), as he drives her from hospital to hospital in search of a rape kit, after her drink was spiked by a white man in a bar who then raped her. Where Promising Young Woman is a millennial-pink revenge fantasy of Insta-worthy proportions, Test Pattern feels all too real, and the cops don’t come off as well as they do in the former.

Ford does something very important for the audience: they begin the film just as the rape is about to occur. We do not see it at this point (we do not really ever see it), but we know that it happened, so there’s no chance that, somewhere deeper into the story, when we’re much more invested, we’ll be side-swiped by a sudden onslaught of sexual violence. In a way, it creates a safe space for our journey with Renesha.

It’s one of many thoughtful decisions made by Ford throughout the production process. “I’m in direct conversation with film and television that chooses to depict violence against women so casually,” Ford tells me. “I intentionally showed as little of Renesha’s rape as humanly possible. I also had an incredibly hard time being physically present for that scene, I should add. What I did shoot was ultimately guided by Renesha’s experience of it. Shoot only what she would remember. Show only what she would have been aware of.

“But I also made it clear that this was a violation of her autonomy, by allowing moments where we have an arm’s length point of view. I let the camera sit with the audience, as I’m also saying, as the filmmaker, this happened, and you saw enough of it to know. This, for me, is a larger commentary on how we treat victims of assault and rape. I do not believe for one goddamn minute that we need to see the actual, literal violence to know what happened. When we flagrantly replicate the violence in film and television, we are supporting the cultural norm of needing ‘all of the evidence’—whatever that means—to ‘believe women’.”

Ford’s intentional work in crafting the romance and unraveling of Test Pattern’s leading couple pays off on screen, but their stamp as an invested and careful director also shows in their work with Drew Fuller, the actor who played Mike, the rapist. “It’s a very difficult role, and I’m grateful to him for taking it so seriously. When discussing and rendering the practice and non-practice of consent intentionally, I found it helpful to give it a clear definition and provide conceptual insight.

“I sent Drew a few articles that I used as tools to create a baseline understanding when it comes to exploring consent and power on screen. At the top of that list was Lili Loofbourow’s piece, The female price of male pleasure and Zhana Vrangalova's Teen Vogue piece, Everything You Need to Know about Consent that You Never Learned in Sex Ed. The latter in my opinion is the linchpin. There’s also Jude Elison Sady Doyle’s piece about the whole Aziz Ansari thing, which is a great primer.”

Sidney Flanigan in ‘Never Rarely Sometimes Always’.

Even when a filmmaker has given Ford’s level of care and attention to their project, what happens when the business end of the industry gets involved in the art? As we well know, marketing is a film’s window dressing. It has one job: to get eyeballs into the cinema. It can’t know if every viewer should feel safe to enter.

It would be useful, with certain material, to know how we should watch, and with whom, and what might we need in the way of support coming out. Whose job is it to provide this? Beyond the crude tool of an MPAA rating (and that’s a whole sorry tale for another day), there are many creative precautions that can be taken across the industry to safeguard a filmgoer’s experience.

Mayhew, who often sees films at the earliest stages (sometimes before a final cut, sometimes immediately after), speaks to journalists in early screenings and ensures they have the tools to safely report on the topics raised. In New Zealand, reporters are encouraged to read through resources to help them guide their work. Mayhew’s teams would also ensure journalists would be given relevant hotline numbers, and would ask media outlets to include them in published stories.

“It’s not saying, ‘You have to do this’,” she explains, “It’s about first of all not knowing what the journalist has been through themselves, and second of all, [if] they are entertainment reporters who haven’t navigated speaking about sexual assault, you only hope it will be helpful going forward. It’s certainly not done to infantilize them, because they’re smart people. It’s a way to show some care and support.”

The idea of having appropriate resources to make people feel safe and encourage them to make their own decisions is a priority for Bays and Birds’ Eye View, as well. The London-based creative producer and cultural activist stresses the importance of sharing such a viewing experience. “It’s the job of cinemas, distributors and festivals to realize that it might not be something the filmmaker does, but as the people in control of the environment it’s our job to give extra resources to those who want it,” says Bays. “To give people a safe space to come down from the experience.”

Pre-pandemic, when Birds’ Eye View screened Kitty Green’s The Assistant, a sharp condemnation of workplace micro-aggressions seen through the eyes of one female assistant, they invited women who had worked for Harvey Weinstein. For a discussion after Eliza Hittman’s coming-of-ager Never Rarely Sometimes Always, abortion experts were able to share their knowledge. “It’s about making sure the audience knows you can say anything here, but that it’s safe,” Bays explains. “It’s kind of like group therapy—you don’t know people, so you’re not beholden to what they think about you. And in the cinema people aren’t looking at you. You’re speaking somewhat anonymously, so a lot of really important stuff can come out.”

The traditional movie-going experience, involving friends, crowds and cathartic, let-loose feelings, is still largely inaccessible at the time of writing. Over the past twelve months we’ve talked plenty about preserving the magic of the big screen experience, but it’s about so much more than the romanticism of an art form; it’s also about the safety that comes from a feeling of community when watching potentially upsetting movies.

“The going in and coming out parts of watching a film in the cinema are massively important, because it’s like coming out of the airlock and coming back to reality,” says Bays. “You can’t do that at home. Difficult material kind of stays with you.” During the pandemic, Birds’ Eye View has continued to provide the same wrap-around curatorial support for at-home viewers as they would at an in-person event. “If we’re picking a difficult film and asking people to watch it at home, we might suggest you watch it with a friend so you can speak about it afterwards,” Bays says.

Julia Garner in ‘The Assistant’.

But, then, how can we still find this sense of community without the physical closeness? “It’s no good waiting for [the internet] to become kind,” she says. “Create your own closed spaces. We do workshops and conversations exclusively for people who sign up to our newsletter. In real-life meetings you can go from hating something to hearing an eloquent presentation of another perspective and coming round to it, but you need the time and space to do that. This little amount of time gives you a move towards healing, even if it’s just licking some wounds that were opened on Twitter. But it could be much deeper, like being a survivor and feeling very conflicted about the film, which I do.”

Conflict is something that Searles, the film critic, knows about all too well in her work. “Since I started writing professionally, I almost feel like I’m known for writing about assault and rape at this point. I do write about it a lot, and as a survivor I continue to process it. I’ve been assaulted more than once so I have a lot to process, and so each time I’m writing about it I’m thinking about different aspects and remnants of those feelings. It can be very cathartic, but it’s a double-edged sword because sometimes I feel like I have an obligation to write about it too.”

There is also a constant act of self-preservation that comes with putting so much of yourself on the internet. “I often get messages from people thanking me for talking about these subjects with a deep understanding of what they mean,” Searles says. “I really appreciate that. I get negative messages about a lot of things, but not this one thing.”

Michaela Coel in ‘I May Destroy You’.

* * *

With such thoughtful approaches to heavy content, it feels like we’re a long way further down the road from blunt tools like content and trigger warnings. But do they still have their place? “It’s just never seemed appropriate to put trigger warnings on any of our reviews or features,” White explains. “We have a heavy male readership, still 70 percent male to 30 percent female. I’m conscious we’re talking to a lot of men who will often have experienced violence themselves, but we don’t put any warnings, because we are an adult magazine, and when we talk about violence in, say, an action film, or violence that is very heavily between men, we don’t caveat that at all.”

Bays, too, is sceptical of trigger warnings, explaining that “there’s not much evidence [they] actually work. A lot of psychologists expound on the fact that if people get stuck in their trauma, you can never really recover from PTSD if you don’t at some point face your trauma.” She adds: “I’m a survivor, and I found I May Destroy You deeply, profoundly triggering, but also cathartic. I think it’s more about how you talk about the work, rather than having a ‘NB: survivors of sexual abuse or assault shouldn’t see this’.”

“It’s important to give people a feel of what they’re in for,” argues Searles. “A lot of people who have dealt with suicide ideation would prefer that warning.” While some worry that a content warning is effectively a plot spoiler, Searles disagrees. “I don’t consider a content warning a spoiler. I just couldn’t imagine sitting down for a film, knowing there’s going to be a suicide, and letting it distract me from the film.” Still, she acknowledges the nuance. “I think using ‘self-harm’ might be better than just saying ‘suicide’.”

Mayhew shared insights on who actually decides which films on which platforms are preceded with warnings—turns out, it’s a bit messy. “The onus traditionally has fallen on governmental censorship when it comes to theatrical releases,” she explains. “But streamers can do what they want, they are not bound by those rules so they have to—as the distributors and broadcasters—take the government’s censors on board in terms of how they are going to navigate it.

“The consumer doesn’t know the difference,” she continues, “nor should they—so it means they can be watching The Crown on Netflix and get this trigger warning about bulimia, and go to the cinema the next day and not get it, and feel angry about it. So there’s the question of where is the responsibility of the distributor, and where is the responsibility of the audience member to actually find out for themselves.”

The warnings given to an audience member can also vary widely depending where they find themselves in the world, too. Promising Young Woman, for example, is rated M in Australia, R18 in New Zealand, and R in the United States. Meanwhile, the invaluable Common Sense Media recommends an age of fifteen years and upwards for the “dark, powerful, mature revenge comedy”. Mayhew says a publicist’s job is “to have your finger on the pulse” about these cultural differences. “You have to read the overall room, and when I say room I mean the culture as a whole, and you have to be constantly abreast of things across those different ages too.”

She adds: “This feeds into the importance of representation right at the top of those boardrooms and right down to the film sets. My job is to see all opinions, and I never will, especially because I am a white woman. I consider myself part of the LGBT community and sometimes I’ll bring that to a room that I think has been lacking in that area, when it comes to harmful stereotypes that can be propagated within films about LGBT people. But I can’t bring a Black person’s perspective, I cannot bring an Indigenous perspective. The more representation you have, the better your film is going to be, your campaign is going to be.”

Bays, who is also a filmmaker, agrees: representation is about information, and working with enough knowledge to make sure your film is being as faithful to your chosen communities as possible. “As a filmmaker, I’d feel ill-informed and misplaced if I was stumbling into an area of representation that I knew nothing about without finding some tools and collaborators who could bring deeper insight.”

Carey Mulligan and Bo Burnham in ‘Promising Young Woman’.

This is something Ford aimed for with Test Pattern’s choice of crew members, which had an effect not just on the end product, but on the entire production process. “I made sure that at the department head level, I was hiring people I was in community with and fully saw me as a person, and me them,” they say. “In some ways it made the experience more pleasurable.” That said, the shoot was still not without its incidents: “These were the types of things that in my experience often occur on a film set dominated by straight white men, that we're so accustomed to we sometimes don’t even notice it. I won’t go into it but what I will say is that it was not tolerated.”

Vital to the telling of the story were the lived experiences that Ford and their crew brought to set. “As it applies to the sensitive nature of this story, there were quite a few of us who have had our own experiences along the spectrum of assault, which means that we had to navigate our own internal re-processing of those experiences, which is hard to do when we’re constructing an experience of rape for a character.

“However, I think being able to share our own triggers and discomfort and context, when it came to Renesha’s experience, made the execution of it all the better. Again, it was a pleasure to be in community with such smart, talented and considerate women who each brought their own nuance to this film.”

* * *

Thinking about everything we’ve lived through by this point in 2021, and the heightened sensitivity and lowered mental health of film lovers worldwide, movies are carrying a pretty heavy burden right now: to, as Jane Fonda said at the Golden Globes, help us see through others’ eyes; also, to entertain or, at the very least, not upset us too much.

But to whom does film have a responsibility, really? Promising Young Woman’s writer-director Emerald Fennell, in an excellent interview with Vulture’s Angelica Jade Bastién, said that she was thinking of audiences when she crafted the upsetting conclusion.

What she was thinking was: a ‘happy’ ending for Cassie gets us no further forward as a society. Instead, Cassie’s shocking end “makes you feel a certain way, and it makes you want to talk about it. It makes you want to examine the film and the society that we live in. With a cathartic Hollywood ending, that’s not so much of a conversation, really. It’s a kind of empty catharsis.”

So let’s flip the question: what is our responsibility, as women and allies, towards celebrating audacious films about tricky subjects? The marvellous, avenging blockbusters that once sucked all the air out of film conversation are on pause, for now. Consider the space that this opens up for a different kind of approach to “must-see movies”. Spread the word about Test Pattern. Shout from the rooftops about It’s A Sin. Add Body of Water and Herself and Violation to your watchlists. And, make sure the right people are watching.

Brittany S. Hall and Will Brill in ‘Test Pattern’.

I asked my interviewees: if they could choose one type of person they think should see Promising Young Woman, who would it be? Ford has not seen Fennell’s film, but “it feels good to have my film contribute to a larger discourse that is ever shifting, ever adding nuance”. They are very clear on who can learn the most from their own movie.

“A white man is featured so prominently in Test Pattern as a statement about how white people and men have a habit of centering themselves in the stories of others, prioritizing their experience and neglecting to recognize those on the margins. If Evan is triggering, he should be. If your feelings about Evan vacillate, it is by design.

“‘Allies’ across the spectrum are in a complicated dance around doing the ‘right thing’ and ‘showing up’ for those they are ostensibly seeking to support,” Ford continues. “Their constant battle is to remember that they need to be centering the needs of those they were never conditioned to center. Tricky stuff. Mistakes will be made. Mistakes must be owned. Sometimes reconciliation is required.”

It is telling that similar thoughts emerged from my other interviewees regarding Promising Young Woman’s ideal audience, despite the fact that none of them was in conversation with the others for this story. For that reason, as we come to the end of this small contribution to a very large, ongoing conversation, I’ve left their words intact.

White: I think it’s a great film for men.

Searles: I feel like the movie is very much pointed at cisgender heterosexual men.

Mayhew: Men.

White: We’re always warned about the alpha male with a massive ego, but we’re not warned about the beta male who reads great books, listens to great records, has great film recommendations. But he probably slyly undermines you in a completely different way. Anybody can be a predator.

Searles: The actors chosen to play these misogynist, rape culture-perpetuating men are actors we think of as nice guys.

White: We are so much more tolerant of a man knocking the woman over the head, dragging her down an alley and raping her, because we understand that. But rape culture is made up of millions of small things that enable the people who do it. We are more likely to be attacked in our own homes by men we love than a stranger in the street.

Mayhew: The onus should not fall on women to call this out.

Searles: It’s not just creeps, like the ones you see usually in these movies. It’s guys like you. What are you going to do to make sure you’re not like this?

Related content

Sex Monsters, Rape Revenge and Trauma: a work-in-progress list

Rape and Revenge: a list of films that fall into, and play with, the genre

Unconsenting Media: a search engine for sexual violence in broadcasting

Follow Ella on Letterboxd

If you need help or to talk to someone about concerns raised for you in this story, please first know that you are not alone. These are just a few of the many organizations and resources available, and their websites include more information.

US: RAINN (hotline [phone] HOPE); LGBT National Help Center; Pathways to Safety; Time’s Up.

Canada: Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centers—contacts by province and territory

UK/Ireland: Mind; The Survivors Trust (hotline [phone]); Rape Crisis England and Wales

Europe: Rape Crisis Network Europe

#promising young woman #violation #emerald fennell #carey mulligan #ella kemp #shatara michelle ford #test pattern #women directors #female director #directed by women #non binary director #non binary filmmaker #lgbt #trigger #trigger warning #content warning #censorship #empire magazine #letterboxd #empire online #terri white #courtney mayhew #film publicity #film marketing #birds eye view

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

Confessions of the Fox. By Jordy Rosenberg. New York: One World, 2018.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, queer fiction

Part of a Series? No

Summary: Set in the eighteenth century London underworld, this bawdy, genre-bending novel reimagines the life of thief and jailbreaker Jack Sheppard to tell a profound story about gender, love, and liberation.

Jack Sheppard and Edgeworth Bess were the most notorious thieves, jailbreakers, and lovers of eighteenth-century London. Yet no one knows the true story; their confessions have never been found. Until now. Reeling from heartbreak, a scholar named Dr. Voth discovers a long-lost manuscript—a gender-defying exposé of Jack and Bess’s adventures. Is Confessions of the Fox an authentic autobiography or a hoax? As Dr. Voth is drawn deeper into Jack and Bess’s tale of underworld resistance and gender transformation, it becomes clear that their fates are intertwined—and only a miracle will save them all.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: sexual content (as in sex acts, not the mere presence of lgbt+ people), blood, graphic depiction of top surgery, violence, racism, gender dysphoria

Overview: I didn’t know what I was expecting when I picked up this book, but something about it just hit all the right angles for me. I adore historical fiction that not only aims to imitate the aesthetics of the period, but also focuses on underrepresented identities, such as queer, non-white, and working or poverty class people; thus, it was inevitable that I would find Confessions of the Fox would be so engrossing. I do understand that this book might not be for everyone, as Rosenberg plays with a lot of academic ideas that usually fall in the realm of theory, but personally, I loved that this book wasn’t just about trans identity. While gender and identity and queerness were at the heart of this book, Confessions was also about archives and policing and commodities and so much more - things that were related and engaged the more academic part of my brain, but somewhat complicated for casual reading. Nevertheless, it was ambitious and smartly-constructed, so I’m giving it a high rating, even if I have quibbles here and there.

Writing: As a former academic and lover of history, I very much enjoyed Rosenberg’s approach to genre, form, and writing. It would have been easy to simply write a story using modern aesthetic tastes, but Rosenberg goes out of his way to imitate the prose style of the 18th century. I loved the richness of the vocabulary and the complexity of the sentences, as well as the juxtaposition of the sacred and profane. It was refreshing to read such beautiful prose that the author clearly put a lot of love into, and if you want to be so immersed in a story that you feel like you’re reading a historical document, I think Rosenberg does a wonderful job.

I also really loved the way Rosenberg wrote about trans identity in the 18th century. There are passages, for example, where Jack’s attention wanders while being dead-named, where Jack expresses feelings of confusion or freedom when talking about his physical body, where he talks about the process of coming into being when he heard Bess use his name, etc. I thought these passages were the most beautifully written and impactful, and they stayed with me the most after I finished the book.

These 18th century “confessions” are accompanied by a number of footnotes, written by a character named Dr. Voth in the present day. In these passages, Rosenberg shifts his tone and style, thereby differentiating between past and present without having to constantly remind the reader that Jack and Bess’s story is told through something of a frame. I think the choice to have footnotes instead of chapters where Voth’s POV takes center stage was a good one - it more effectively created parallels between the 18th century story and Voth’s personal story, and reminded the reader that history (especially trans history) evolves as a result of a kind of archival work, collected in pieces by many different people. In that sense, form matched function, which I am always delighted to see in my novels.

That being said, I can’t say I enjoyed Voth’s voice all that much. This criticism is probably a personal preference rather than anything Rosenberg did wrong - I just think Voth’s voice felt a little too conversational, like he was talking to someone instead of writing.

Plot: Most of Rosenberg’s novel follows Jack Sheppard and Bess Khan as they discover Jack’s identity, evade arrest, and disrupt a horrifying commodity trade (so to speak). In my opinion, the plot points surrounding Jack’s personal journey were incredibly well-constructed; I felt that the evolution of Jack’s gender identity, the romance between Jack and Bess, and their evolution as criminals were all very compelling and touched on a number of engrossing themes, from gender to poverty to anti-capitalism. Granted, there were some areas where I think the pacing dragged, but part of me thinks this was due to the 18th century style and genre conventions, more than anything Rosenberg was doing wrong.

In Voth’s footnotes, we also get something of a personal story which includes Voth being coerced into working for an exploitative publishing company at the direction of his university administrator. As we go through the footnotes, Voth recounts conversations he had with these figures while also disclosing details about his failed relationships - with one ex in particular. While I did like the parallels that exist between the manuscript and Voth’s own life, there were some things that challenged my suspension of disbelief. For example, I would never expect an academic to record personal anecdotes and intimate confessions in footnotes for an academic project. Maybe that happens in academic circles outside mine, and I understand it needs to happen for plot reasons (just reading references to critical theory or secondary sources would be boring for most people), so this criticism is coming from a place of being too close to the setting surrounding the text, in a way.

I also think that there were some passages where sexual activity would be mentioned where it was not needed. I do understand, on some level, that sex and sexuality is an important topic in trans studies (and queer studies as a whole), and I don’t want to appear too prudish. However, I think random references to a character masturbating, even if they were making a point, were a bit egregious. I was especially put off by the story of a 15 year old masturbating (in the present-day footnotes), and though I understand the story was illustrating an academic concept and books should acknowledge that (many) teens do have sex drives, it was also a bit much for me, personally.

Characters: Jack, our primary protagonist, is interesting and complex not just because he struggles with his identity as a trans man, but also because he struggles with acting in ways that are not out of self-interest. Though he is a thief and thus acts in self-interest in understandable ways, he eventually uncovers an operation which involves the production of a drug-like substance (or something - that’s the best I can describe it). Bess demands that he destroy all samples so that the substance can’t be reproduced by others, but Jack wants to confiscate the samples for himself to make a huge profit. I liked that this conflict existed, not only because it showed Jack as having other challenges in his life other than his gender identity, but it also spurred character growth and emotional turmoil.

Bess Khan, a prostitute and Jack’s lover, was written in a way that respected sex work and provided commentary on race and policing. I really liked that she had a strong set of principles and desires that were larger than herself, and I liked that she was confident and forceful where Jack could be meek and unsure.

Other rogues were equally loveable and admirable. Jenny, another prostitute, was a nice example of women forming networks of support within the criminal underworld while also showing how white women (even prostitutes) are treated differently than non-white women. Aurie, a black queer man, was also a supportive friend to Jack who is frequently instrumental in his survival. There is also a wide variety of named and unnamed rogues who were non-white and/or queer in some way, providing a rich array of characters that dispels the assumption that 18th century England was homogenously white and straight.

Our main antagonist, Jonathan Wild, is a bit less interesting in that he’s mainly just corrupt. I personally didn’t care for the chapters from his perspective, though I do understand that he functions as an important, symbolic figure that embodies all the things Jack and Bess work against (capitalism, police corruption, etc.).

Voth, our modern day commentator, has his moments, but sometimes, I would waffle back and forth between finding him engaging and finding him pretentious. I understand that he is supposed to be flawed, and I sympathize with a lot of his plights - mainly the pressure from his university and the anxiety he suffers from. But also, I found his voice to be somewhat combative, and if the point was to make a complicated, likeable-sometimes-unlikeable-other-times character, then I think Rosenberg succeeded.

TL;DR: Confessions of the Fox is a beautiful debut novel that engages with trans identity and history, though it does so in a way that may be a bit too academic for some readers. But while it definitely demands much of your attention, Rosenberg ultimately delivers a rich, engrossing story that reaches beyond the historical and textual boundaries of the page and invites the reader to see themselves as part of a vast network that is constantly “making” and “becoming” itself.

#book reviews

[fingersinmyhair]

Full Tilt by Neal Shusterman

My rating: 6.5/10

Rated: Child - Teen

SFW or NSFW: SFW

There are spoilers under the cut! You have been warned!

Overall Review:

At the request of a close friend, I read this book alongside them, as they'd read it once years ago on assignment in class. They swore by the book and said I'd enjoy it, and I couldn't agree more. This book was an easy read, but still keeps your eyes on the page wanting to find out what happens next.

I was impressed by how much happens in the book, as it's only around 120-135 pages of reading, but every chapter was eventful and detailed, giving the reader a clear vision of almost everything that happens.

As the main character, Blake, searches for his brother in the metaphysical amusement park where he and his friends must ride seven rides before dawn, he finds inner strength where he once only found cowardice and fear. The park conjures his worst memories and fears, using even his interests and insecurities against him and his friends, Maggie and Russ. The book ends with a clear resolve and a happy ending all wrapped in a pretty bow, but it wasn't forced or undeserving.

The characters and plot worked well together, in my honest opinion. There were many chuckle-to-myself moments and it was nice to root for the main character, not only to reach his goal but in pride as he found his strength.

Characters:

Blake: The main character and the biggest show of character development aside from Quinn and Cassandra. The park and his love for his younger brother push Blake to act entirely out of character in the perspective of the first few chapters. It's said multiple times through the book, even by Blake, that he's a coward, fearful and skittish, yet he storms into every adversary to his health - physical and mental - and perseveres only to save his brother and his friends from Cassandra and her park. It's also worth noting that Blake also finds comfort in having complete control of his environment, needing everything to be comfortable, neat, clean, and organized. He makes a remark to himself that he doesn't "have some weird disorder" about it, and it felt like it was meant to sound like he's in denial about it. It doesn't address this again in the book. At the beginning of the book, he is unsure if he will actually go away to college, but he's decided wholeheartedly that he wants to go and will be by the end of the book.

Quinn: Quinn is my favorite character in the book. It's said in the beginning and end of the book that many, for a long time, thought he was autistic when he was young because he was nonverbal, had poor social skills, and refused to make eye contact. The reasons for him, apparently not being autistic, are that he stopped being nonverbal when he was three and a half (after experiencing a roller coaster for the first time, an intense stimulus that he enjoyed greatly) and is now "self-centered" (as he thinks and acts impulsively based on his own emotions and needs). Since Quinn's first roller coaster ride, he was attracted to high-stimulus things, such as having a large number of piercings in his face and ears by age 13 (his age in the book), loud music, neon-bright colors, and eating mainly things with a large amount of sugar. I fully believe he is neurodivergent in the vein of either ADHD or being on the spectrum, if not comorbid. That being said, Quinn shows a lot of character development in the book. He goes from reclusing and even suicidal (he goes to the amusement park and willingly leaves Blake behind after learning that if he stays he will die, stating emphatically that he doesn't want to live in the real world anymore and so be it if his soul is trapped in the park for eternity) to being cooperative and working with his brother actively to find a way out of the park and beat Cassandra at her games. He tells his brother he loves him for the first time by the end of the book as well because of this development in his character.

Maggie: One of Blake's two best friends, his other being her boyfriend, Russ. Maggie is all but introduced as insecure and unsure of herself, but a good friend to Blake. She takes his side in most arguments that he gets into with Russ, as Russ usually starts them and is wrong, to begin with. She's very kind, though her insecurities in her appearance and how unsure of herself she is comes back later to bite her in the ass, physically altering her appearance to look how she feels on the inside. She is also a love interest to Blake, as they share a kiss while she looks like a monster and he tries everything he can to save her before failing to do so and having to move on due to time and urgency. Russ asks Blake if something is going on between him and Maggie when they're all out of the park, safe and sound, and Blake says, "I don't know. Maybe." She's the first person Blake comforts and assures when they reach safety as well.

Russ: Russ is introduced as a jock with no chosen sport, more so having the physique and interest in physical activity, but not having the attention span to focus on staying in a sport for too long. He's also, from the get-go, not very smart. (He interprets Blake's news of going to Columbia University as Blake would be moving to Columbia, making a remark that he didn't know Blake spoke Spanish.) At one point in the amusement park, he breaks before any of the rest of the group. He leaves Maggie behind when he sees her turn into a monster, not caring that it was her. When he gets on the Ferris Wheel, he sees something not detailed or described that shakes him to the core enough that he strikes a deal with Cassandra. If he saw Blake's death or demise, Russ would be released from the amusement park. Despite this, Blake still forgives him. Russ is absorbed by the park moments later for failing.

Mom & Carl: I do not like Blake and Quinn's mother. Several of her exes physically abused Quinn, and most likely Blake as well, and she knows this. It isn't detailed if she knew while it was happening or later on, but the way she handles Quinn not being comfortable around her new fiance and being "too" wary of him as a person in general due to her track record with me and him believing Carl will leave like all the others, including his father, is uncomfortable. She even complains to Blake about Quinn's attitude to the news she and Carl gave him, saying that not everything is about Quinn and that he essentially needs to get over it, negating Blake saying that not everything is about her to defend the way Quinn feels. If she's aware that her exes, including the father of her children, have either been physically abusive or have left her with no warning, why is she being harsh about Quinn being wary that the same thing is going to happen, not letting Carl's sunny disposition make him drop his guard? Carl himself is nice and tries to understand, so I don't have a problem with him.

Cassandra: A timeless, beautiful being that invites Blake to her amusement park, specifically so she can right the only wrong she's ever had. She's a fantastic antagonist, aloof and flirtatious (and even helpful) the first few times she's seen, but she slowly devolves into an angry and fearful being that wants Blake to stay with her, period. She goes from wanting to claim his soul to be absorbed by her park to wanting him to rule alongside her and bring balance to both her and the park, giving Blake the opportunity to carve out a realm of peace and fun for his loved ones trapped in the park, but he declines, infuriating her further. They even share a kiss intended to convey determination and the denial of her offer. Her world falls apart because Blake is, for lack of a better phrase, the one that got away.

#full tilt #neal shusterman #book review #ya novels #character analysis

[androgynousblackbox]

The anon tries to listen to POC, but often there's an extreme distance between how their Asian colleagues interpret a piece of media and how it's interpreted by American diasporas. For example, Asian friends interpreted the anarchist themes of Joker and praised the film, while the American fans focused on the fandom grown around the character and the "white characters get away with murder, Black characters don't get away with shouting" epidemic in American fandom and hated the idea of it. (1/2)

Anon observed similar situation with Shadow and Bone fans - Asian fans disliked how the racism subplot was executed, while American fans loved how the canonical couple is between two Asians (both actors are mixed & none of them is American, but fans neveral talk about the nuances). The anon's Russian self can't help but laugh at the Russianess being little more than poorly applied decorations in the setting. Of course, they're generalising, but those are the trends they observed happening. (2/3)

So, there's this. In Russia, Japanese teachers teach students how to wear a kimono properly and how to perform a tea ceremony while many Japanese Americans hate the idea of foreigners doing it. In several Asian countries, Joker became the face of rebellion while many Asian Americans see him as face of far right. Shadow and Bone has many Asian American fans, but the series is seen as clumsy at best by many Asian and Russian viewers. What do you think takes priority? (3/4)

The anon cannot write reasonably short, for which they are sorry! They remembered an earlier discussion about how Captive Prince is anti-Black and arguments like "it's not chattel slavery and the characters are not Black" are sealioning. But the story is written by an Australian and rooted in Australian understanding of race (the author is of the same raciallized ethnic group as the protagonist). The anon, who knows USA realities only from social media and fanfics, is really worried. (4/4)

Okay, this is a lot and before saying anything, I think is fair for me to say that I am nothing but a white latino on the internet trying to navigate english speaking fandom so there's only so much I can even say at all because my own knowledge is limited. I try to educate myself whenever possible but there's stuff I still have yet to learn. Having said that, yes, discourse such as any of these are always going to be vastly different from one culture to another because any form of racism is always intrinsically tied to the culture of the place where it happens. This is not to say that there aren't universal forms of racism, like how darker skin is generally considered less attractive or desirable on many places (including Latinamérica), but a lot of it is related back to the history of each country and whatever relationship they have to any particular race. The issue you mentioned of cultural appropiation is a very american one because america reunites so many people from so many different cultures that want to be seen and respected like everyone else. Again, not to say that it's not an issue on other places, but the way the discourse is handled and talked about is very much an american because of the way America is at the center of so many discourses and also the history of America dealing with different cultures, which is to say, not good. Anti-asian racism is a very well and alive thing right now that has resulted on hate crimes against asian just trying to live their lives, promoted and kept alive by even people in power who don't care about what happens to them. Imagine how terrible it is to hear a ex-president of America blame you, your family, your country, everyone who just looks like you, because of a disease that is killing other people. Your culture gets mocked, you get told cruel jokes about the food you eat, about your broken english, get questioned about stuff you had nothing to do with... and the same people who do that, then turn around and are using that same culture they treated less for to make themselves look cooler and trendy? And that doesn't translate at all in you being treated any less shitty, it just means that any meaning your culture had before is reduced to pretty things for other people to use and then forget about the moment other pretty thing caughts their attentions. Wouldn't that make you feel like shit? When asian american or black american or native americans talk about cultural appropiation, it's not about just saying that you can't do this or that because they are meanies who don't want to share their fun pretty things. It's about asking people to please reflect in why it's only cool when others do it but they don't, in how it feels insulting to see things that have a cultural significance to you reduced to a gimmick like any other, on asking why their fun pretty things can't be enjoyed by them and get mocked, insulted and ignored when they tried to do so. Sometimes it also means literally taking away business from communities that needs them without any recognition or payment. I have no clue about the history of Russia with Japan specifically, but if it's a Japanese person the one chosing to share that element of their culture with other people who, I assume, respect it and want to learn about, then that sounds like cultural appreciation for me and it's not at all what anyone in America is talking about when they talk about appreciation. Using a kimono and serving tea on a traditional way is a neutral act that only gains significance because of environment where it happens. About everything else... it's complicated and I am 100% with you when you say that it's very difficult to navigate as a non american don't wanting to come across as insensitive or uneducated or a full blown ass without meaning to. Unfortunately for us, the online discourse is not especially gentle for anyone who doesn't know everything American related and all the intrincated race relations on a first moment. I know this is especially hard for asian fans when americans ones want to insert their own

intepretations into their works just to make it look worse. I get it, because people say "listen to POC" but that really doesn't tell you shit of WHAT to listen for and how to understand when different cultural perspectives clashes with each other, which is almost entirely inevitable because we all come with our own cultural baggage. And even between two black americans or two asian people from the same asian country you could have vastly different opinions about the exact same topic because of them prefer to concentrate on different aspects of it. I guess the best thing to do is... do try to know what people are saying. If these group of people are saying this show is this or that, try to come to understand why they say it. And if other group is saying otherwise, listen to why. Sometimes you don't need to interject at all, sometimes your own opinion is not really needed, but at least try to see where everyone is coming from and realize that everything is an ongoing conversation where nothing is set in stone forever, especially when you account for reclamation, parody and other things that influence the way we percieve anything. Ask questions if you are confused, because you are going to be confused a lot and I am sorry, but that is part of the process. Read books if you need to. Google a lot, but also talk with people, watch videos of people talking about it and, if you want to engage, do it with a mentality of wanting to learn and understand. I hope any of this can be helpful at all. If not, I am sorry. I am still trying to figure out things myself.

#long post #racism mention

[susiephone]

okay so i was thinking about why, out of all the ZEP characters and their many, MANY mistakes, max’s tend to irk me the most. (and while i wouldn’t call this character bashing, i will acknowledge that he’s my least favorite main character and i’m pretty “blah” on zomax, so if you’re a big fan of max or zomax, and you don’t like reading criticism of your fave.... scroll past.) 

and i think it’s because max, while not exactly “selfish,” is really quite self-centered. however, because he’s a friendly, approachable guy in most contexts, it doesn’t come out the way you’d expect -- he’s not a gaston type by any stretch. mostly it comes off in him being extremely clueless and insensitive, and downright boneheaded.

first, the obvious: the damn flash mob. i personally think it’s in character that max would find this romantic and cute. he’s a cheesy guy. i totally buy that max saw a viral video of a flash mob proposal or something and thought it was adorable, and would probably be super-flattered if a girl did it for him. but you know who decidedly would not like it? zoey! shy, awkward, hates being the center of attention, not good with people zoey! also known as max’s best friend of five years. if he’d thought this through for even two minutes, he should’ve been able to realize that, hey, maybe declaring his love in song to her in a very public place would be overwhelming for her. maybe he should just ask her if she wants to have dinner sometime instead! 

so we either have to buy one of three options: that max genuinely didn’t get that zoey would hate this despite having been her friend for five years, that max realized she might be uncomfortable and decided to do it anyway, or that he just plain didn’t think this through -- which still isn’t good, because grand romantic gestures work when they’re tailored to the person they’re aimed at, not the person making them.

also, the fact that he expected an answer right then and there. like, jesus, give the girl a second to think. especially since he didn’t even go the “i know we’re friends but i think we could do something more, maybe we could go on a date and see where it takes us?” route, he went straight to “i love you, please be my girlfriend” -- that is a BIG jump, and a hell of a lot of pressure to put on zoey.

second: autumn. oh, poor autumn. while max’s breakup was as kind and gentle as it could have been, the way he handled it afterwards was, again, ridiculously insensitive. “don’t go where your ex works for at least a couple months” is Breakup 101. not only did max genuinely believe he’d done “the greatest breakup ever,” it didn’t even occur to him that autumn might still be upset one day after the breakup, until she explicitly spelled it out for him.

third: while it’s perfectly understandable to be sad when your crush turns you down, he spends so much of “zoey’s extraordinary confession” wallowing and refusing to acknowledge zoey’s feelings, or even give her the benefit of the doubt.

fourth: despite knowing that zoey has had a crush on simon, as well as a genuine emotional connection with him, he is utterly shocked she could have feelings for both of them, or be torn between them -- or just not want to date either of them!

fifth: he really has not been looking at things from zoey’s perspective at ALL. for example, getting pissed for setting him up with autumn because she knew he had a crush on her (zoey). while setting him up with autumn was a questionable move on zoey’s part, he’s specifically mad she didn’t tell him she knew he liked her. so....he wanted her to be like “so i know you’re deeply in love with me, and i’m telling you i know so i can make it very clear i am not into you”? she could not have more clearly been trying to spare his feelings.

and the promotion thing! zoey said, “i’ll be sad to see you go, but you should take the job if you want it,” and he said, “wrong answer.” like. HOW IS THAT THE WRONG ANSWER? he was clearly fishing for her to ask him to stay, but that would’ve been very selfish of her -- to tell him to give up such a great opportunity for her sake. not to mention, given that she’d just turned him down, it would’ve sent a mixed signal. she made it clear she values him and his friendship, but she won’t hold him back.

overall, max frequently comes off as someone who thinks, “i’m a nice guy, i work hard, i try my best -- things should generally work out for me,” and gets pissy when they don’t.

and this is fine! these are realistic flaws for someone to have! but the problem is, unlike pretty much every other character, max has yet to be called out. when zoey loses her temper or makes a bad call, she’s called out, realizes her mistakes, and tries to make amends. when leif and tobin are douchebags, everyone tells them they’re douchebags. simon is repeatedly called out for his emotional cheating. joan is demanding and rude, and while it’s never called out directly, but that has an in-universe justification; she’s their boss, and it’s hard to call out your boss. and it’s heavily implied she is not exactly Miss Popular around the office for exactly those reasons. there are consequences. but max? so far his only consequence has been.... zoey won’t date him. like yeah, zoey called him selfish for not giving the code back to the fourth floor, but zoey was clearly in the wrong there -- his code, his call, and he did just start a new job. and zoey was meant to be in the wrong. the way the show is written, i can’t tell if the writers see max as being in the wrong or not! if so, why has he not gotten a wake-up call like everyone else?

do i think he’s a bad person? no. but someone needs to lay all this out for him so he can get his damn head on straight.

#zep #zep meta #zoey's extraordinary playlist #anti max richman #if you REALLY don't want to see it #long post cw