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7ndipity · 4 months

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Their Ideal Types

Ot7

Summary: What I believe the members ideal types would be.

Warnings: Swearing, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Please bear in mind tho that these are just my personal opinions, based on what I’ve observed from their personalities and with some references to their astrology charts(if you’re not into that, just ignore those points on each list)

Masterlist

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Jin:

His Capricorn venus means that he’s a little old fashioned in his style of romance, which I think reflects in his statements in the past about being a classic hopeless romantic. He wants someone who he can sweep off their feet and eventually settle down with.

I don’t think he has a huge preference on age, I feel like he’d kinda want either a little older/younger rather than the same age tho.

He’s said once that he wanted someone a little on the chubby side(granted, this was years ago, so I don’t know if that’s still true), he also strikes me as someone who would be drawn more to the classic ‘girly’ vibe(pastel colors, flowy layers, fluffy sweaters, etc) but I think the main vibe he’d look for in a partner is comfort. I don’t quite know how else to describe it other than ‘Ghibli vibes’ if that makes sense?

He would want someone with a classy/graceful air, who’s confident in themselves and not afraid to take the lead sometimes and stand up for themselves.

Someone mature, but not too serious, with a good sense of humor and who’s not afraid to be silly sometimes. Someone affectionate, but not overly clingy.

Someone patient and understanding, who makes it easy for him to open up and be vulnerable.

Yoongi:

Pisces are already very deep feeling signs, but coupled with his Venus in Aries, Yoongi can sometimes come off rather intense in regards to relationships. He’s very matter of fact about his feelings sometimes, and I think he wants someone who can match his frankness. He doesn’t have patience for mind games, if you’re into him, fucking say it.

He’s said before that he doesn’t really have a type, at least when it comes to physical appearances or styles. Imo tho, I feel like he would be into someone with a casual, more tomboyish style(oversized hoodies/sweaters, layered shirts, sneakers, shorter hair)

Doesn’t really have a preference on age either.

He’s said before that he wanted someone similar to himself, with a deep passion for music and creating. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you have to be a professional artist/musician(I actually think he would prefer someone outside the industry, or at least outside the Idol/Kpop sphere), but he definitely needs someone who’s a fellow creative type who can understand that side of him.

Someone patient and warm, with an infectious energy that can help bring his mood up(kinda like Hobi), with a sharp sense of humor like his own.

I think he would like someone who’s somewhat independent, who knows what they want and isn’t willing to take shit from anyone.

Hobi:

His Pisces Venus means he’s very go with the flow when it comes to relationships, so he would want something very relaxed, without any chase or mind games, or anything too rushed either. He wants someone he can just ‘be’ with.

I think he’d prefer someone slightly younger, not significantly tho, just a couple years or so.

I think he’d be into someone ‘cute’, though maybe not necessarily in fashion sense, moreso just their general energy. Style-wise, I think he’d like someone who similar taste as him, more streetwear type clothes.

Someone bright and easygoing, who’s equally happy with going out or staying at home and doing nothing. Someone energetic, who not afraid to be silly at times.

Someone very sweet, kind and gracious(lowkey think he would be into the “mom friend” personality)

He’s said before he wanted to feel cherished in a relationship, so I think he would want someone he can take care of, big fan of skinship(bordering on a little clingy). Someone who makes him feel needed/wanted, who dotes on him over little things.

Namjoon:

Namjoon is like a textbook Virgo, very grounded and practical. However, his Venus in Scorpio means he’s quite intense emotionally and sexually, so he would want a partner that can balance or match his intensity.

I think he would prefer someone his age or slightly younger.

I remember Jk saying once that Joon was into the ‘cute but sexy’ vibe, and I think that’s still true to an extent, he finds people with range very attractive. I don’t know that he really has a preferred style, maybe something more simplistic like his?

He would definitely like someone confident and independent, who can hold their own in a conversation or argument, but still polite and open minded. Someone that can challenge him and his own perceptions.

Someone intelligent, career/goal driven, and creatively minded, someone who he can go to museums/art exhibits with.

I think he would also really like someone who’s into fitness and working out like he is(lowkey loves the idea of gym dates), but it’s not a necessity for him.

Jimin:

He’s a classic Libra to his core(which I love abt him but it also drives me crazy). As much as he loves to tease, he doesn’t have the patience for too much chase or playing hard to get. He wants someone who’ll be honest about their feelings.

I think he would want someone close to his age, a little older/younger doesn’t make much difference to him.

He said before that he tends to prefer cuter appearance/vibes, but with his Venus in Scorpio, I think he would be drawn to someone with a bit of a darker, sensual contrast in their personality or looks, kinda like him.

He’s a hopeless romantic,(his favorite movies are the Notebook and Like Crazy, he’s a major softie) wants someone he can fall with and yeah, be a bit melodramatic with.

Someone warm, but slightly introverted, maybe even a little shy. Someone kind, open minded, and patient, but willing to stand up and speak their mind when they need to.

Someone who makes him feel needed(another Libra trait) Someone who can keep up with, or even match, his flirty nature.

Taehyung:

As an Aquarius Venus, he tends to be drawn towards people with unique, unconventional beauty/style. He wants someone who’s not afraid to go against the norm to be themselves(tho he would love it if you have similar love for vintage aesthetic like him)

Idk why, but he gives me “When Harry met Sally” vibes. Like, despite his fascination with romanticism as an aesthetic, I think he really prefers to go the friends to lovers route. He wants someone he feels comfortable with first and foremost. He falls slowly and then all at once.

I don’t think he has much preference on age, but he’d probably like someone his age or maybe slightly older.

I think he’d kinda be into the “mom friend” personality. I’ve said it before, he really likes being taken care of, even if it’s just in little ways like fixing his hair or buttoning his coat before he leaves in the morning.

Someone slightly more extroverted, who makes friends easily, likes kids and animals.

Someone sensitive and mature, but who he can still be goofy and random with, who’ll play along with his skits and tangents(like jimin does)

Jungkook:

Although he seems more drawn towards classic feminine style, I think he’d actually find someone with a similar style to his really attractive, even if it’s just in color palette. I don’t think he really has a type stylistically tho.

Despite Libra Venus’ tendency to look for partners that they have an immediate connection with, they actually prefer the ‘friends to lovers’ route, and I think that’s very accurate for him.

He’s kinda into the chase(literally the entire Seven video like👀), so he likes a partner that plays a little hard to get and teases/challenges him sometimes, but only sometimes.

I think he’d prefer someone his age, or maybe even a little older(He has a noona/hyung kink, I will die on this hill)

Like Joon, I think he’d really appreciate who’s into fitness/working out/boxing(lowkey, if you can hold your own wrestling with him, he’s got heart eyes)

Someone confident, independant, and artistic with a good sense of humor. Someone well mannered and patient(rudeness is an instant turnoff for him). Someone who can challenge him, but in a gentle, non-critical manner.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

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selfishdoll · 5 months

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━━ ❛c’mon baby, let the camera see how pretty you are for me...❜ ⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

NO LOOKING AWAY ft. HANGE ZOE

୨୧ SUMMARY ━━ your lovely significant other bought some fun glasses & can not wait to try it out with you!

୨୧ AUTHOR’S NOTE ━━ hange with a dick has been on my mind for a HOT MINUTE. and they just seem like the type to record sex for.. scientific purposes. as always please excuse any typos & grammar mistakes <3

The cold air circulated the room, emitting a shiver from you each time it licked at your barely covered skin. Your hand grasped the blanket strewn across you lazily, pulling it up higher whilst your eyes were glued to your phone. You were mindlessly scrolling, enjoying the random book a friend of your’s recommended.

That was until you heard hurried footsteps heading in your direction.

The familiar sound caused a sweet smile to pull your lips, shutting off your phone and placing it to the side. You looked up in time to spot your partner rushing into the living room, cloaked in a simple black t-shirt and sweats. The smile on their face was breath taking, eyes gleaming under the glasses perfectly perched on their broad nose.

“[Name]!” The excitement wasn’t only clear on their features but voice as well, pitch rising as they approached you. Without a second thought they were climbing onto the couch, resting in your lap with their hands settling on your shoulders. You weren’t given a moment to complain about the sudden weight since Hange leaned closer, “Notice anything different about me?”

You blinked slowly, gaze dancing about their form in search of something different. You’ve been with Hange for about two years now, so you were sure you would have noticed just about anything.

Except.. you didn’t. Not a thing looked different, out of place,— nothing.

You slowly shook your head, lips pursed just a tad. “No baby, I don’t see anything different.” You watched as their eyebrows pushed together, a subtle pout even forming. Wordlessly, they obnoxiously tapped the stem of their glasses— causing your gaze to click to them. Your eyes slowly widened, finally noticing what was different.

The usual color of their glasses was a chocolate brown, which you believed reflected perfectly off their olive colored skin. But now, they were black; sleek with curly white writing on the right stem.

You smiled, reaching over and playfully poking the edge of the rim. “They’re very nice, where’d you get these?— also can you get up?” You huffed softly, hips rising just a bit to hopefully elevate the pressure. Hange unfortunately didn’t move, even getting a bit closer. You complained softly, hands falling to their waist in an attempt to push them off— only for their much larger hands to grab your wrists.

“These are special glasses..” Hange drawled, cold nose brushing your own the closer they got. You huffed softly, eyebrows pushing together as you gave your best attempt at an annoyed glare.

“How so?”

Their grin deepened, releasing a hand of yours to shove into their pocket. You watched as they snatched their phone out, showcasing the screen to you. You pulled back a bit and squinted, confusion settling in your form. That was until you quickly realized you weren’t just looking at your face, but instead your face— from Hange’s point of view.

You blinked wildly, eyes tearing away to glance at them. “The glasses have a camera in them?”

“Yep!” They spoke, excitement hugging their words. Hange pulled back to straddle your waist properly, eyes tracing down your form not so subtly. “Everything I see, the camera catches..” They spoke slowly, tapping their finger against the glasses before directing your attention back to the phone

“—which I can then, save on my phone. Cool, isn’t it?”

“Very cool..” You breathed softly the moment your eyes flicked back to their face, catching the far too familiar look they were giving you. So that’s why they were so excited, you thought— shivering the moment their hips rolled. The growing bulge inside their sweats brushed across your thin blanket, the friction causing you to feel incredibly warm beneath your skin.

“How about we test them out? I wanna see how long they last,” They rose from your form while grabbing you by the thighs, lifting you before sitting down onto the couch— manually wrapping your legs around their waist. “—if the glasses can pick up every angle,” Hange then peeled the blanket from your body, hands gliding across your form covered by a thin tank top and black Juicy Couture shorts. “— every shiver, every twitch..” They crawled over your body, now hovering with their hands sinking into the pillow under your head.

“—every sound.. You’ll indulge in my little experiment, right my love?”

How could you say no? With those dark eyes drawing you in, clear excitement and want glittering inside them. Your tongue brushed your bottom lip, hands rising to place onto their strong arms. “Mmhm.. I would love to.”

The smile they flashed you was far too sweet, leaning down to capture your lips in a deep kiss. Lips locked, moving slow as your gentle commingled breaths entered the other’s mouth. Your breathing hitched however the moment their hips rolled forward, allowing you to fully feel their bulge brush across your barely clothed cunt.

Hange pulled away for a split moment to breathe before devouring you in another kiss, tongue slinking into your mouth and coating the cavern in their saliva. Your tongues tangled and played, your lover gently sucking on your wet muscle to hear your breath quicken once again.

Keeping you focused with their kisses for a moment, a hand lowered to your neck, thumb brushing across your throat whilst holding the side in their palm. Hange pulled away, blinking and slowly licking away the string that connected the two of you. “Oh, I can’t wait to look back on this.” They breathed heavily, so, so excited.

Their hand rose from your neck to adjust the glasses, assuring they got your perfect form laid out on the couch. Hange’s hands ghosted your body, finally finding purchase on your hips just below your shirt. Carefully they plucked the thin fabric from your body, revealing your chest.

You were all too aware of the focused eyes on you, and even more so of the camera. Your hands spread and gripped the cushions the moment Hange leaned down, gasping as their wet lips caressed your breasts. “Hange..” You spoke softly, feeling their hand grab one of your boobs; thumb rising to roll against your hardening bud.

At the mention of their name Hange’s face was pulling away from your chest, head tilted as their eyes bored into your own. An intense stare you couldn’t return, eyes fluttering shut as they continued the gentle ministrations upon your chest. Such an act caused a sound of disapproval to leave your lover’s throat.

“C’mon [Name], don’t be shy..” They pulled back to sit in between your legs, a hand still remaining on your chest whilst the other carried down the plane of your stomach, fingers hooking on your shorts and panties to tug down. Your soft, wet cunt was soon on display— Hange pushing at your thighs to assure they — the glasses — got a clear view.

“Look at that..I’ve barely touched you.” Clear adoration and amazement circulated their words, fingers carrying along your wet slit gently. Two digits parted your folds, another finger pressing against your hardening nub. Hange watched carefully as your legs twitched, hips rising up to feel more of their finger. They flicked at your sensitive bud delicately, all while continuing to grope your chest; tweaking your nipple between their digits.

The pleasure danced up your spine, feeling their pace quicken as melodic moans thrummed against your lips. Escaping the moment their fingers moved to push inside your wet entrance, curling to brush against that gummy spot inside you. Soft squelches entered the room with each push of their thick digits inside you, and as Hange’s thumb brushed against your clit— your eyes finally opened once again, lips parted as the sweet moan of their name escaped you.

“There she is..” Hange spoke so sweetly, far too gentle compared to the pace of their fingers. Muscles moving, fingers thrusting and scissoring inside you to brush against your velvety walls. “So perfect, so perfect and beautiful— I wish you could see yourself in my eyes..” A soft snort escaped them after their rambling all while the movement of their fingers never skipped a beat.

“— well.. technically you’ll be able to.”

Hange was such a talker, even during sex. Words of praise and encouragement spilling from their bruised lips, looking down at you with clear worship in their eyes. They were completely smitten by you, a sentiment that was undeniably mutual.

Your hips rose into Hange’s hand, hand lowering to their wrist to feel the muscles pulse against your palm with each thrust. Honeyed gasps escaped you, eyes squinted and barely being able to see their form above you. “Fuck—! Hange please..!”

“Hm?.. Please what, what’s wrong? Is it too much— want me to stop?” Your lover spoke slowly, mock-concern clear in their voice. The moment their fingers even threatened to stop, you were shaking your head back and both;

“N—no, no! Please, keep going.. ‘m so close!” Tears threatened to spill over your curly eyelashes, hips rising and practically fucking yourself on their fingers. The band inside your stomach was tightening even more, walls pulsing around their digits as hurried breaths escaped you.

Hange’s other hand fell from your breast, taking your thigh and pushing it up, all while their face grew closer to your cunt. They watched intently; camera catching it all. The arousal that coated their fingers which each thrust, how your walls fluttered around the digits, and how your essence leaked from your pussy the moment you came— a sharp moan following the action.

You panted softly as the high ran through your body, head sinking into the pillow and whimpering as their fingers slipped from inside you. You felt them come to hover over your body, hissing as their broad thigh brushed against your sensitive center. A soft whine escaped you as strong fingers grabbed your cheeks, directing your attention to their face. Their eyebrows were furrowed, thumb coming to brush against your lips as a soft hum escaped them.

“It’s unfortunate I didn’t get to see your face..” Hange spoke softly, leaning down and placing a firm kiss to your messy lips. “It’s no big deal.. I’ll just see it this time.” Their words came out in a whisper, causing a shiver to run down your spine all the way to your toes. Hange was enjoying this far too much, as if further stirred by the camera resting in their glasses.

However.. you couldn’t fault them. Since, truth be told— you felt the exact same way.

Your body went hot as their hand rose to your cheek again, a thumb swiping right under their thigh and slowly getting off the couch— leading you to sit on the cushions. You watched intently as their free hand fiddled with their sweats for a moment, lazily pulling at the strings just to watch your perfect eyebrows furrow in impatience.

A languorous grin painted your partner’s features, fingers gliding to your chin and lifting your face to meet their eyes— all while tugging their sweats and undergarments to their thighs. Hange leaned down, thumb pressed against your chin to open your mouth; delivering a heated kiss to your lips. Their hand slowly stroked themself, precum beading at their pretty red tip.

Hange pulled away slowly, licking away the string of spit whilst rubbing your commingled saliva across your lips. “Gonna get it all nice and wet for me, right baby?” Their breath fanned across your skin, watching that pretty head of yours bob back and forth quickly. Hange grinned far too wide, rising to their full height whilst moving closer. Their eyes— the glasses— were focused intently as the tip of their cock brushed your lip, making an even glossier mess.

Your lips parted slowly, eyes fluttering shut as they fed you inch by inch of their cock all while a soft praise of being such a good girl, fell from Hange’s lips. Your hands rose to their thighs, nails gliding across their skin as you breathed through your nose— struggling not to gag. Finally they were fully inside your wet mouth, tip brushing against your uvula for a moment before they were pulling their hips back; slowly thrusting back inside.

Hange watched you carefully for a moment, searching for discomfort— but found nothing. So, their thrusts continuined; the wet sounds of your mouth echoing the room as well as their pleased groans each time your tongue glided across their dick. Your cheeks were hallowed at this point, little tears forming in your eyes as they fucked your mouth— spit mixed with cum creating a sticky ring around the base of their dick, tainting their trimmed hairs.

Their hand rose from your cheek up to your hair, grabbing a gentle handful as their strained words entered your ears; “C’mon beautiful.. let the camera see— fuck. Good girl, look at you; sucking me off so well.. shit—!” They struggled not to throw their head back in ecstasy, other hand rising to pushing at the glasses to catch everything. The sweet expression on your face had their cock twitching in your mouth, soft, soaked claps following the strained sounds escaping their bruised lips.

Hange was so close, grip unintentionally tightening as their release approached. Except they didn’t allow themselves to tip over the edge, quickly pulling out of your mouth before they could finish. Heavy pants escaped them, grip loosening in your hair a bit whilst they hunched over.

“You di—“

“Only inside you, princess— do I wanna come. You know that.” Hange spoke through bated breath, taking you into a gentle kiss while pushing at your shoulder to lead you to lay on the couch again. You sunk into the cushions, breathing heavily into their mouth the moment they crawled over your form. Their hands treaded to your thighs, hitching them to their waist whilst their drenched cock brushed against your folds.

Teasingly so, bumping against your clit before leading down to your hole; resting there for a moment, before leading back to your swollen bud. Your hands rose to their messy ponytail, fingers curling into the brown tresses and tugging. Hange groaned into your mouth, pulling back when you gently tugged again; “So impatient, baby..” They grinned, leaning over to rest their forehead against yours.

You simply whined in response, watching as they rose to rest on their haunches. A hand lowered to grab the base of their dick, slowly pushing inside your awaiting entrance. The camera took in everything, from how your body twitched from the stretch to how your walls clung to their length far too greedily. Hange’s hips moved back a smidge before pushing all the way down to the base, teeth caught on their lip to suppress their moan.

You attempted to wrap your legs around them, only for their strong hands to travel underneath your thighs, pushing you up and open; knees brushing your chest. You weren’t given a moment to complain seeing as they were pulling their hips back and driving them forward in one go. The spark of pleasure eliminated any pain you felt from the stretch, nails clinging to the cushions as a languid pace begun.

Hange always started off slow, as if being introduced to your body for the first time, every single time the two of you fucked. The thrusts long and deep, drawing little moans from your bruised lips as your walls clung to their length. Soon enough you were begging for more, clit throbbing with need each time their pelvis brushed against it.

Squeezing your legs tight, Hange wasted no time in obeying your wish; trading their slow pace for something much faster— hips slamming against your skin as their cock drove into you. The moans that escaped you were heavenly, their eyes finally tearing away from your pussy stretching on their length to your face — and fuck was it a sight.

Hange moved to let your legs lay on their shoulders, slamming deeper inside; brushing against that special spot that caused stars to interrupt your vision. They got close, hand laying your throat and tilting to take you in fully. Their lips were parted, sharp sounds of pleasure escaping their throat as the pace of Hange’s hips never ceased. “You’re a mess, baby.. such a— pretty fucking me—mess..” Their words were strained as your walls clung to their length.

Your toes were curling the moment they went deeper, pressing up against your cervix and fucking you harshly. The pain and pleasure fought for dominance as cries escaped you, hand moving to their waist to drag your nails along their heated skin. Hange groaned softly above you, relishing in the way you gulped under their thumb.

“Feels good, baby?.. Yeah, keep clenchin’ my dick like that— don’t wanna let go do you?” Hange drawled, thrusts switching back to long and deep strokes; assuring you felt every single inch that was currently ruining you. Your hands rose to their back, nails dragging across their skin as the prettiest moans escaped you. You were pretty all over, really. Simply perfect, someone Hange could never get enough of looking at.. or watching cry all over their cock.

“Ha—hange..!” You whined out, eyes flying open the moment their thumb nudged your clit. The little nub throbbed under their digit, soon being rolled into tight circles by your lover. You felt your stomach tightening as the pleasure contained, arousal dripping down their length— making a mess under you.

Hange pulled back just to capture your pussy again, their cock twitching just from the sight. They hummed softly, free hand pushing at your thigh even move just to get a better look of their dick disappearing inside you. “Shit..” They groaned heavily, steady thrusts turning sloppier as they felt their own end approaching. It didn’t help your walls were spasming around them, clear you were close as well.

“— mm.. don’t close your legs, baby, keep ‘em wide and open for me.” Hange hissed, hips rocking into you as their head slackened, assuring their eyes were focused on your pussy. “Let the camera see you milking my dick..”

Tears dribbled down your cheeks, hips rising uselessly before creaming all over Hange’s length all while a drawn out whine of their name escaped you. Your walls clenched around them tightly, emitting a groan from your lover— struggling to move their hips. But they managed; rutting into you desperately before painting your insides white, thrusts stuffing the cum that threatened to spill out of you.

You whimpered softly, gripping their arms as you twitched from the sensitivity. Finally Hange let up, slowly pulling out of you and watching ever intently as your mixed essence dropped out down to your ass.

Hange’s eyes flicked to you, a sweet smile on their features as they crawled to hover above you; placing a feverish kiss in-between your eyes. “Did so good for me, [Name]. Can’t wait to see how the video turned out.” Their hand went for their sweats tossed to the side, grabbing about for a moment before snatching their phone from the pocket.

They opened the device, rising to lean on their knees and looking at the screen. Eyebrows furrowing slowly..

You blinked up at your lover, rising up from your laying position. “What’s wrong, baby?”

A nervous, maybe even playful chuckle escaped Hange; gaze switching to your form. “I never pressed record.”

“Hange!” You huffed, watching as they tapped something on their screen before leaning to place it on the table beside you. You opened your mouth to speak again, only for them to swallow your words; leading you back to the couch all while sinking back into your soaked entrance— ignoring your whines.

“Looks like we’ll just have to do another trial for our.. experiment.”

COMMENTS & REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED <3

#mani writes ━━ ★#black!reader #aot smut #black writers #x black reader #x chubby reader #hange x reader #hange x black reader #hange x black!reader #hange zoe x reader #hange zoe x black reader #hange zoe x black!reader #black reader #anime x black reader #anime x black!reader #aot x reader #aot x black!reader

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preeningpisces · 1 month

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Choso NSFW Headcanons

Lemme know if you want me to elaborate/write something about any of these ♥️

18+ content below, mdni, implied chubby f!reader

❥ Choso is extremely submissive in the way that he will do whatever you want in bed. If you want to be dominated, through your guidance and some trial & error, he’ll do it for you happily. If you want to tie him up & make him cry, he’ll gladly cry the prettiest tears for you

❥ You have to remind him he needs to discover his own wants & desires, rather than going along with whatever you want

❥ Can be very dirty because he doesn’t really have a sense of shame when it comes to sex. For instance, he sees licking your neck no differently than licking your foot, and is confused when you react negatively. He wasn’t exactly raised with any societal/cultural influences on his sexuality

❥ He does some odd shit like bite your armpit and when you chastise him he turns into the sad hamster meme

❥ We all know he busts in like 3 seconds, does it need to be said? He can’t help it—his dick is brand new, fresh off the shelf

❥ Bro cannot get enough when you first start having sex together; he can be pushy at times LOL but will relent & be respectful if you ask him to

❥ Very INTENSE. He prefers positions where he can make eye contact, and this mfer will stare into your soul the whole time. Also likes positions where he can get your tits in his mouth

❥ Doesn’t tend to be playful in bed, but will try to match your energy if you are

❥ Period sex makes him go craaaaazy. He’s all up in there in every way. He earns his red wings immediately

❥ I know in my soul that he’s hairy. He’s a hairy guy! No way he isn’t. Exfoliate your face with his hairy titties

❥ Lowkey into body hair himself, and doesn’t get why people are so obsessed with shaving. Likes feeling your legs when they get prickly, or if the hair is grown out. Absolutely LOVES an 80s bush

❥ On that note, anything that is naturally so human gets him going, like sweat. Kind of into musk too. He’s the type that likes it when you’ve marinated a bit LMFAO kind of pouts if you insist on showering before he goes down on you. So cute

❥ His cum doesn’t shoot, it leaks, and there’s a fuck ton of it. Stroking him through his orgasm is really fucking messy, and really fucking hot

❥ Oh my god he is awful at dirty talk at the beginning, bitch has NO CLUE what to say

❥ He learns tho, don’t you fret. Like I said, he doesn’t really get embarrassed when it comes to sex, but he also has no concept of what’s considered sexy and what’s not. You just have to survive the awkward stage (and maybe share some source material for him to reference)

❥ Fucking loves titties. Even when you aren’t having sex, just cuddling, that’s where he likes to rest his hands the most. If you have heavy tits he’ll offer to support them for you. It’s a genuine act of kindness, but also one he benefits from greatly. Rests his head on your chest when he needs to unwind

#Choso smut #choso x reader #choso x you #choso x chubby reader #chubby reader #divider by k1ssyoursister #dreams of choso ☁︎#headcanons ☽#choso headcanons #dreams ☽#wet dreams ☽

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cherryredstars · 8 months

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Requested by @/sukioyakio

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x Chubby!fem!reader

Warnings: Lots of Judgement towards Reader, Descriptions of Body Type, Small Smut, 18+, NSFW

Summary: The right kind of tight fit.

A/N: Again, another piece written from an outside perspective, so I apologize if I use any terms or reference anything that offends anyone under the “chubby” body type.

Word Count: 1.7K (Barely Edited)

You hate it here.

A deep sigh leaves you as you walk through the kitchen doors, balancing a serving tray in your hand as you try to maneuver around other servers, customers, and tables in the busy restaurant. As you pass and angle your body, people glare at you and it takes everything in you to not accidentally stick up a finger or to give them the dirtiest glare back. They act like it’s your fault they’re in your way. You roll your eyes, quickly masking it with a smile as you arrive in front of the table in your section.

You pass out the food on your tray, telling the group to enjoy their meal before you turn around and let out a breath. You try to psych yourself up, mentally preparing yourself to go through the obstacle course of a restaurant again. As you begin your journey to the kitchen, a table begins to file out, pushing out their chairs with no regard for anyone else. A frustrated breath leaves you as you’re trapped against another table, the edge of it pushing into the skin of your back, causing some of your back fat to bulge around it.

You prepare an awkward smile, turning to apologize to whoever is seated at the table, but your breath gets caught in your throat. Sitting at the table is a man who is most definitely a certified panty-dropper. He has silky dark brown hair, tanned skin raised with muscle, and dark eyes that roam your body. He looks exactly like the type of man to stop you in the middle of the street to ask you if you’ve tried working out or dieting, or just straight up mansplaining the fact you’re fat to you. But, he’s not looking at you like any of those people do, or really any rudeass customer in this establishment does.

His eyes hold no judgment or disgust, they’re just looking. His eyes slowly scaling the length of your body as he sips his water, his gaze reaching yours. A deep blush creeps onto your face and you clear your throat, “I’m sorry, I’m just waiting until I can pass through.”

The man nods, a faint hum leaving him as he sets down his glass. You give him another awkward smile before turning your head back around. The last of the group files out, the ones closest to you giving you dirty looks as they try to move past you, harsh as they shove past you. You have to tighten your hold on the table to not be knocked to the side as they push past your stomach, sucking it in as much as you can to let them pass. One of them snarls something ugly under their breath and it takes everything in you to not twitch your eye.

Once they’re gone, you quickly move back towards the kitchen, only stopping when the man speaks up, “What section do you cover?”

The question makes you furrow your brows and you turn around. The stranger is still staring at you, fingers drumming over the side of his glass. You confusedly point over the general area you cover, before he nods and looks away from you. You turn back around and continue walking to the kitchen, going to dish out more orders and catch your breath.

On your way to make another round trip of refills for one of your tables, you pass by one of your empty tables, walking past it before pausing and slowly walking backwards. Sitting at the not-so-empty table is the handsome stranger from before. He stares back at you, eyes trailing to the drinks on your tray before looking back towards you. You follow his gaze to the drinks, clearing your throat and mumbling out, “Uh, I’ll be with you in a minute…”

You quickly give the group their refills before walking over to the man again. You hesitantly pull out your notepad, feeling an uneasy sweat building on your body. “Is there anything I can get you?”

The man gives you a lazy smile that eases your nerves the tiniest bit. His eyes wander to your name tag, tracing the shape of the letters. The attention makes you sweat and you can feel the sweat sticking in the folds of your skin, making you shift uneasily. “What time do you go on break?”

The deep sound of his voice almost makes you stumble back. You’re sure if someone held a mirror to your face right now, it would be the perfect visual representation of what the fuck. You have to resist the urge to look around to see if anyone else is experiencing this with you. You tilt your head sideways, a look of suspicion painting your eyes as you hesitantly tell him. He nods, looking at the watch on his wrist in a calculating manner. “Okay.”

Okay? You stand there numbly for a few minutes before slowly nodding your head and hesitantly beginning to walk away. You look over your shoulder at him, almost bumping into another server. He’s still staring at you, a heated and lazy look on his face that causes your skin to glow in a blush. When you push through the kitchen doors, you have to fan your face from the sweat you feel covering your skin. Through the reflective material of a steel table, you can see the flush on your face and you quickly look away. From the small window on the kitchen doors, you can still see the gorgeous man sitting and watching the doors, a look of disappointment crossing his face when someone that isn’t you walks out.

When your break comes, you walk out of the kitchen doors, still in your uniform. You have your bag with you, making your way towards the restaurant exit before a shadow comes besides you. You look up and find the gorgeous man next to you. You’re so busy looking at him that you don’t notice you're about to walk into a group of people being led to their table by another waitress. His hand comes and grabs at the chubbiness of your side, pulling you flush against his body to make room for them. Your eyes widen and your face darkens with a blush as you thank him quietly. “I’m Miguel, by the way.” The stranger grumbles down to you and you bashfully give him your name. He only lets out a knowing smirk and flicks the nametag still pinned to your clothes with a whispered ‘I know’.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵

Yup, he definitely knows it.

The thought breaks through the foggy mess in your brain as he grunts your name repeatedly into your ear. You have no real idea how you found yourself in the restaurant’s family bathroom, your uniform pants a baggy clump of fabric around your ankles as you try to keep your body from sliding off the sink counters. Miguel’s hands are overflowing with the folds of your skin, fingers worshiping the shiny skin of your stretch marks as his cock is swallowed by your thighs.

A muffled noise leaves you as you bury your head into the curve of his neck and shoulder, your nails running down the back of his shirt. In response, he squeezes the skin of your waist, cursing out as his other hand falls to the back of your thigh to hike your leg up. He has to readjust his grip to keep it from slipping out of his hold, but he eventually has a stable grasp on them. “Fuck, hermosa. You’re so fucking soft.”

A whimper is all you can reply, throwing your head back to rest against the wall as he continues to bully his cock into your pussy, his eyes trained down to watch the way your thighs recoil with each thrust. When you clench down around him he closes his eyes and moans happily. “That’s it, babe. So fucking tight for me, so perfect.”

In seconds, you’re coming around him, a dragged out moan leaving your mouth. A satisfied grunt comes from Miguel as you call out his name, his hips stalling as your walls flutter and milk him. He leans closer to your ear, whispered praises and affirmations about how perfect you are as his hands massage your skin. A small smile graces your face as you feel him twitch inside of you.

He grunts out something about being close, right on the brink of exploding, when you both jolt to a pause as a loud shriek can be heard outside. It’s eerily quiet as you and Miguel snap your eyes open to look at each other before turning towards the door. The quiet only lasts for a few seconds before more shouting and commotion sounds. You and Miguel quickly separate, struggling to put on your pants as you move towards the door. Miguel lets out small curses as he tucks his swollen and angry dick back into his underwear.

You’re the first one out, fingers running through your hair as Miguel trails behind you. His eyes are downcast as he tries to loop and buckle his belt as you look out the windows at the front of the restaurant. A deep gasp leaves you as you throw your hands over your mouth, watching as people outside run away in terror from some unknown threat. Miguel’s head snaps up at the noise, looking at you to see if you’re hurt before following your gaze outside.

He lets out a sharp curse as the both of you watch some super villain zoom past the restaurant. It causes everyone inside to freak out, crowding towards the window to look. You’re so shellshock that you don’t fully process it when Miguel turns you to face him and he sharply orders you to stay inside the restaurant and to go somewhere safe if you need to before he’s shoving something in your hand and running away. You shakily shove the piece of paper into your waitressing apron as you turn around to look out the window.

You barely register the sound of the back exit closing as Miguel leaves, only focusing on the swinging of the red and blue superhero that flashes in the sea of people as he chases the bad guy a few minutes later.

Super rushed I’m so sorry!

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel ohara x you #across the spiderverse #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman 2099 x you #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o hara #spiderman 2099 #spiderman 2099 smut #chubby reader #cherry's requests🍒

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letstalkaboutfandomsbaby · 9 months

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I just found your account, and I love your writing especially the ones with Geto!! (I love that man!!)I do apologize for asking but do think you would ever write more of chubby reader Geto? Especially the one where chubby darling is trying to make herself useful in his temple? I love that one especially!

I actually wanted to write a fic for that prompt for a LONG time but i never found the strength to finish it, so allow me to expand upon chubby reader who works in Geto's temple 💕

CW: chubby fem reader, non-sorcerer reader, Geto refers to reader as a "monkey" once, allusion to suicide, bullying, the twins are around 10-12 yrs old, smut (mostly implied)

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Let's start by saying that you're nothing special. You are not the type of girl that Geto would see himself with. It would take a miracle for him to fall for someone like you.

And yet, miracles happen every day, don't they?

Your family has acquired some debt. They have been paying Geto to exorcise curses for them, and he has always delivered, but they have run low on funds and there's still a nasty curse to take care of. They beg and plead with him to remove it, but he refuses to lift a finger until they bring him a hefty donation again.

That's where you come in.

You can't see or sense curses, but you've felt their effects, dealing with the repurcussions of your family's awful attitude. This latest curse is the worst of them all, feeding off of every negative thing your family spews, weighing you down with their toxic energy. You'd do anything to get rid of it, to finally know peace again.

So you offer a trade. You promise to provide your services to the sorceror if he exorcises this curse for you and your family.

Geto ponders this deal for a while. He believes that monkeys are only good for providing curses or money, so he doesn't see the appeal of you at first. But then he remembers that he recently disposed of his maid because the twins disliked her, so he decides to make the deal. He will dispose of the curse if you act as his maid, cooking, cleaning, the works.

You have no other choice, so you accept.

The work itself isn't hard. Dusting, sweeping, mopping, polishing. You cook breakfast and dinner, lunch if requested. You're starting to get callouses from the work, but that's the least of your worries.

The twins hate you. You don't expect them to like a non-sorcerer like you, but they're cruel without reason. They tip over your mop bucket and run off laughing, they leave worms in your bed, they once took scissors to your hair and cut a piece off. They are awful, but you know you can't fight back. You have to take the high road, be the bigger person, endure their hatred so you can get by. If you step out of line, Geto will kill you without hesitation, you know this for a fact. So, you don't fight back. You show no reaction. You pray they get bored of you before you jump off the roof of the temple. At least then you would find peace.

The girls get into a fight one day. Nanako ripped Mimiko's doll as payback and now the both of them are sobbing and yelling at each other. You think it's karma for how they've treated you.

And yet, you take the high road once more.

You separate the girls first, sending Mimi to the kitchen and Nana to the living room. You quietly sew and mend Mimiko's doll, eyes watching you as you did so. Once the doll was fixed, you coaxed Nanako to take the doll to her sister and apologize. Surprisingly, she did so, and the girls hugged. They went on their merry way, not hurling insults at you for once. You go back to your chores.

The girls ask, no, demand lunch a few days later. You comply, making onigiri and cutting fruit into fun shapes, adding a cookie for dessert. The girls coo about the hearts and stars on their plates before digging in. They take their plates to the sink when they're finished and linger for a moment, staring at you. You ask what's wrong, but they scamper off before you can get an answer. You wash the dishes in silence.

Nanako falls and scrapes her knee on a rock. The other workers are shocked still, terrified of what Geto will do now that one of his precious girls has been injured, but you don't fret. You take action, bringing the young girl inside, grabbing a first aid kit, tending to her small wound. You clean it, apply a bandage. She requests a kiss to make it better, so you comply, pressing your lips gently against the bandage. She seems satisfied, getting up and running off with her sister again, throwing back a "thank you" as she does. You're surprised at her gratitude, but you think little of it.

You become a beacon of sorts. The other workers saw how well you handled Nanako's wound, and now they come to you whenever they don't know how to handle the twins. The girls are fighting? You are retrieved to break it up. They want lunch? You're always the one who makes it. They're getting ready for bed? You are now the one who ensures they brush their teeth, tucking them into bed before Geto bids them goodnight. You don't think much of your new role, chalking it up to just being a new part of your job that you have to take care of.

It's not until they call you "Mom" that you look at your role differently.

Mimiko calls you "Mom" first, after she finishes her lunch and puts her plate in the sink.

"Mom, I want a cookie."

You pause, frozen, processing what she said.

"Um... what do you say when you want something?" The young girl rolls her eyes.

"May I please have a cookie?" You smile softly at her compliance.

"Yes, you may." You take down the cookie jar, pulling out two and handing them to Mimiko. "Take one to your sister."

"Okay!" And she's off, leaving you to think about your new label.

Later that night, when you're tucking the girls into bed...

"Goodnight, Mom," Mimiko mumbles from below her sheets. You pause at the door, hand on the handle.

"Night, Mom," Nanako speaks up, hiding her face with her comforter. You swallow, inhaling deep.

"Goodnight, girls. Sleep tight."

You hesitantly close the door, hearing it click softly. You sigh, turning around, running into someone.

It was Geto. He stared down at you silently, eyes boring into you. You quickly bowed, moving out of his way, gaze glued to the floor. He watches you for a moment before grabbing the door handle, pushing the door open. You hear the girls chirp with delight as the door closes. Once it clicks shut, you bolt out of there, not looking back.

You become a maternal figure for the girls, someone they look up to, someone they rely on. You take care of them daily, tending to their every whim, scolding them gently when needed. The girls begin to follow you, insisting that you play with them, that you give them time and attention. Other people start taking on your chores so that you can entertain the twins and keep the peace.

At the same time, Geto starts to notice you more.

He notices how the girls light up when they talk about you, how they ask for you at night to read another chapter in their book, how they cling to you whenever they have a free moment. He thinks it's silly for them to enjoy the presence of a non-sorcerer such as yourself. Of all the people to become attached to, why you? There were plenty of socerer women that wandered these halls, so why did they choose you? What was so special about you?

It bothers him for a bit, but ultimately he's just happy that his girls are happy. He even began to appreciate your presence, your maternal instincts allowing you to care for the twins better than anyone else could. He came to value having you around to give his girls the love and attention they lacked when they were so young.

But there were other perks to having you around. Geto found himself delighted whenever you smiled, silently hoping you could direct that smile towards him. He began speaking with you casually, enjoying the sound of your voice more and more with each conversation. And you were attractive, to say the least, bright and lovely. He savoured being able to see a pretty thing like you so often, your round cheeks, your glittering eyes, your delicate hands, your bountiful hips. His mind began to wander to your body during his little meetings, wondering how soft you were under that cheap, coarse uniform. He imagined how your thighs would squish as you sat or kneeled before him, gazing up at him, willing to take whatever he would give you.

That's when he started fantasizing about you in earnest. He started thinking about you late at night, about your plump frame and how it would feel under his fingers. He thought about your thighs warming the sides of his face, your ass bouncing as he thrust into your, your mouth forming a perfect 'O' as you came over and over again. He thought of all of this as his hand trailed down his body, wrapping around his cock and tugging it, groaning at the sensation. You'd be so much better than his hand, soft and warm and wet. He wanted to feel you, to brace you against him, make you all his. God, what he'd give for just a taste of you.

He does this for a while. He doesn't know how much longer he can go. Maybe he'll make you his personal maid, have you draw him a bath, make you massage his scalp as he soaks. Maybe he'll be forward and tell you exactly what he wants. Maybe he'll force you into his bed; people will do anything if they're threatened properly. Maybe he'll woo you with gifts, perhaps a few dresses, maybe even a kimono, something traditional to match him. He's not sure, there's so many options, he can't decide.

The girls want to go to an aquarium. They want you to come along.

Maybe he could court you properly.

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#ask #smut #geto suguru #chubby reader #fem reader #chubby fem reader #☀️ asks #geto suguru x reader #geto maid au

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batnoise · 4 months

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[🦇 / june 2020 ] the year of the dragon is upon us, so now's as good a time as any to show off our collective sona, kanis!! 💙💜⭐

[ID: a detailed reference sheet featuring kanis (he/him), a blue and white fluffy dragon with starry eyes, a short, chubby body type, torn ears, short striped horns, and purple and pink accents. the reference sheet features a back and front of his design, a headshot with an alternate eye design, color palettes and a close up of his eye design, various outfits, a spiked bat as his weapon of choice, and a few accessories.

information on the reference sheet reads as follows: male, he/him, intersex; 5 foot 2 inches; fluffy dragon; XNFP, gemini, chaotic neutral; headstrong, emotional, loyal, short-tempered, outwardly arrogant and abrasive; breathes fire (any color); fur is actually scales, like a moth; hoards stuffed animals, cool hats, and knives. /end ID]

#batnoise art #furry #anthro #cleanfur #weirdfur #dragon #fluffy dragon #refsheet #sona:kanis #a:bel #complete #2020

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jadevine · 3 months

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Medieval Warhorses, Repost + additions!

Since people loved my "Preindustrial travel times" post so much, I decided to repost my "Realistic warhorses" info separately from the original link, where it was a response to "how to get the feel of realistic combat."

The original link is here.

The "Warhorse" post on my blog, plus a recent addition, is here.

And here's the text for people who want to go down my "grown up horse-girl" rabbit hole right away!

Medieval Warhorses:

First of all: DESTRIERS WERE NOT DRAFT HORSES. Horse/military historians are begging people to stop putting their fantasy knights on Shires, Belgians, and other massive, chunky farm-horses! The best known instance of “a knight needs to get lifted onto their 18-hand draft horse” is a SATIRE (A Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, if I remember right), but somehow laymen decided to take it seriously.

Hell, I think the film’s historians knew that this was extremely inaccurate and begged the director not to do it.

For the purposes of this post, I will not get into the different TYPES OF WARHORSES. That is a hyper-fixation for another day, lol.

—

First problem with “Draft horses as warhorses:”

The bulk of modern-day “breeds” are far too recent for a medieval or medieval-fantasy story. Modern horse “breeds” began around the 1700s-1800s, so that’s in the EXTREMELY late-medieval/early-modern period. Before that, most medieval horses were referred to by “TYPE/PURPOSE” and maybe a “Country/Region.” “Spanish/Iberian horses” (the ancestors of modern-day Andalusians, Carthusians, and Lusitanos) were overwhelmingly popular for combat, and other baroque horses were also esteemed.

Destriers are physically average-height at 15 hands high (about 5 feet tall at the shoulder/withers), but the important part is that they are STACKED at 1200-1300lbs when most 15-hand horses are only 900-1000lbs, so that’s a quarter to a third more weight in muscle.

And remember, muscle will not make a given horse look “chubby!” Good ways to get across a warhorse’s muscles in writing is 1) how ROCK SOLID they are when you touch them, 2) their chiseled shoulders, necks, and butts, and 2) when they get into motion, especially for a fight, their muscles will flex and get REALLY defined. The three regions I mentioned are usually the most visible if they’ve got horse tack or a rider on them.

Think of the difference between “regular horse” and “destrier” as “regular Tom Hardy, who looks fit but normal,” versus “Tom Hardy playing Bane, where he put on thirty pounds and his torso and arms look like a fucking tree-trunk.”

Warhorses had nerves of steel, and the best-trained warhorses used could sprint and turn on a dime–they’ve been called “the sports cars of the medieval world.” This is a far cry from huge, sweet, and lumbering draft horses.

Besides Spanish horses, modern-day candidates for destriers would be European cobs (heavier all-purpose horses, large Welsh cobs are the best-known modern breed), and Foundation Quarter Horses (working/stock horses that can herd cattle and race and actually USE their muscles, not the bloated halter-horses who are mostly bred to look “good” to judges).

—

But if the destrier was supposed to be the horse equivalent of “Tom Hardy as Bane” and not “The Mountain from Game of Thrones,” then how could they carry a knight’s armor as well as their own?

First of all, human combat armor is different from JOUSTING armor and it is easily half the weight for better mobility. Warhorses from proper medieval times aren’t shown wearing much horse-armor, even in jousting. The stuff you see in museums is also frequently the custom-made armor for wealthy nobles, who either 1) wore it once or twice a year for public celebrations, which is also why the armor’s in pristine condition instead of dented and bloody like combat armor would be, or 2) wore it because they were rich enough to not want themselves OR their expensive horses to die too soon in combat.

Assuming that all destriers needed to carry 150lbs for an adult armored man, PLUS another 150lbs of the horse’s riding tack and armor, is like people from the years 2500-3000 assuming that everyone with a “car” must have a Lamborghini or a Ferrari that takes up a lot of maintenance (if you want to keep it looking nice, at least) and can go 200 miles per hour.

So the vast majority of realistic warhorses/destriers didn’t get much if any armor, because 1) horse-armor is for princes and dukes, not Count Whoever’s third son or his nephew that he tossed out on adulthood with barely any money, and 2) horse-armor is going to weigh down your FAST and NIMBLE warhorse. (Remember: Knights wanted sports cars, not tanks!) Take a look at the horses and knights of the website called “Destrier!” Most horses there aren’t notably tall, and they mostly wear head-armor and fancy but not heavy horse-tack like capes, instead of full barding.

Another reason average/short warhorses were preferred is for medieval safety issues: You wanted to mount your horse from the ground without help. The famous knight Jean Le Maingre was so dedicated to fighting that he could VAULT onto his horse in armor, without touching the stirrups. His instructions are, essentially, “put on your armor, find your horse, put your hands on the horse’s back/saddle, and FUCKING JUMP.”

Unless you’re seven feet tall or a gymnast, you’re not jumping onto an 18-hand draft horse.

So all those Red Dead Redemption animations where you get to alley-oop your way onto your loyal steed? POSSIBLE, IF YOU ARE CRAZY/ANGRY ENOUGH.

Quick note: In ancient Ireland, they refer to a “steed-leap” that nobles, warriors, and other “people rich enough to own RIDING horses” were trained to use–with the important distinction that Gaelic nobles often took pride in either using saddles without stirrups, or NOT USING SADDLES TO PUT ANY STIRRUPS ON. So the bulk of Gaelic Irish nobles could theoretically go Red Dead Redemption on your ass.

—

And the third reason most combat-ready warhorses didn’t get armor is because infantry (the vast majority of most medieval armies) just had a low chance of hitting them in the first place.

First of all, most horses are already faster than people. Destriers were EXCEPTIONALLY fast as the cream of the crop. For the horse to need armor, someone needs a good chance of hitting the horse.

Second, most horses are hard to kill physically because horses don’t tend to like getting stabbed or shot at, so they will likely try to kill YOU, which means that a knight and his horse are TWO fighters who are both very angry and very protective of each other. Most people love their horses, and many combatants share intense bonds! IMAGINE IF YOUR HORSE IS ALSO YOUR SQUAD-MATE!

And last of all, most horses are hard to kill mentally because when you want to use cavalry, you ALSO want the other side’s infantry to get consumed by panic and bolt for their lives, away from their companions and AWAY FROM THE CHARGING HORSES. (Which routinely leads to a slaughter, often called a “rout” in period literature, or a “curb-stomp battle” on TV Tropes.) While most knights could dish out one-on-one duels against EACH OTHER, a knight against a foot-soldier is going to have a huge and explicitly unfair advantage if the soldier is not specifically trained and equipped to take them on.

See, when you get a herd of knights on their steeds, the noise and the wave of horseflesh charging at you is going to make your reptile-brain instincts scream “NOPE NOPE NOPE, WE GOTTA GO!!!”

That instinct is so strong that infantry ACTORS in movies–who know that this is not a real war, and the riders don’t actually want to kill them–still routinely break formation and run.

It was possible to stop cavalry with infantry and end up slaughtering them instead of getting routed–it was just extremely notable.

Also, unless you’re specifically going for blood: You don’t WANT to slaughter a whole formation of knights! That means you’ve just pissed away a WHOLE lot of money that the knights represent!

You killed the horses that you could have used for your own side, and possibly bred for more high-end horses! You ruined the armor that you could have used for your own side, or at least melted down for high-quality, already-mined metal! You killed the knights that you could have sweetened up and used for your own side–or more likely, told their families to pay you if they wanted them home intact.

Barely anyone remembers that knights were as good for HOSTAGES as they were for actually fighting. (Except for Game of Thrones, and it’s still only plot-relevant for Jaime Lannister and Theon Greyjoy, and they explicitly did NOT get the protection a noble hostage should have.) It’s noted that Agincourt was a GREAT ending for England because capturing all those French nobles earned them TWENTY YEARS’ WORTH of regular income in ransoms. If they hadn’t won and gotten all that sweet, sweet French money, they would have been bankrupted and depopulated instead.

—

Two more strikes I’d feel are appropriate for “not wanting draft-type horses in combat:”

-Logistics 1: Too much food, too much hassle. Horses are already notorious for eating a lot, and a DRAFT horse that’s 2000lbs instead of 1200lbs will eat twice as much. No army wants to use their fodder for only half the number of horses they’d expect.

-Logistics 2: Too much hair, too much hassle. Shires and other British horses often have feathering on their legs, and anyone with long hair knows that loose hair/fur is a fucking PAIN. You can braid a horse’s mane and tail, but if you’re one of the many average/poor knights who DON’T have servants to take care of your horse for you, do you want to spend extra time cleaning and combing out your horse’s LEGS instead of necessary things? Like feeding them, grooming them, and checking for wounds? Nope, you’ll probably shave the feathering off or just pick a horse that doesn’t have it.

-Extra note on Friesian horses, who are RIDICULOUSLY common in “medieval” movies: Friesian horses are technically baroque horses in body form (Strong-boned! Big necks and butts!), but they’re also over-used in general, so most horse folks are sick of seeing them in movies. And if you don’t have the right kind of MODERN Friesian, you’ll probably be a laughingstock in addition to an eye-roll.

Some strains of modern Friesians are from carriage-horse lines, often referred to as “big movers.” This means “fun to LOOK AT, but terrible to RIDE.” Because, you know, those strains of Friesians weren’t meant for riding, but for PULLING CARRIAGES. Their movements are big, dramatic, and flashy… and their trot is notorious for bouncing people out of the saddle with every step. Not something you want for a knight who fills his opponents with terror.

A good riding horse’s movements are usually smooth and low to the ground, often described as “floating” and “effortless.”

—

A horse-note that I can’t figure out where to put: Many Western cultures love the idea of fiery stallions (intact male horses) for their noble knights and kings to ride into battle on, but realistically, stallions are only half of a given horse population. Many Western stallions are also gelded if they’re not the cream of the crop (which is probably at least the bottom half of the male horse population). So mares can be used by at least half of a realistic formation who just wants a warhorse, and doesn’t care about aesthetics or masculinity.

Also, mares can be ruthless and stallions can be nervous wrecks! Horses are living creatures, with personalities and feelings!

Horses also aren’t very sexually dimorphic, so a 1200lb war mare is DEFINITELY a match for a 1300lb war stallion. And remember how Loras Tyrell used a mare in heat to distract The Mountain’s stallion? That happens with a lot of stallions… almost like they’re living creatures, with instincts that they can’t always control! So if you know when your girl is ready to go every month, you can play dirty in a joust, too!

Just remember that you’re taking an equal risk, since your mare will possibly try to let a stallion mount her instead of fighting. You will either need to bail when she starts making googly-eyes, or you need to know you have ABSOLUTE loyalty from her, and she will listen to YOU instead of “the hot dude I just met five minutes ago!” HORSES ARE LIVING CREATURES, WITH INSTINCTS THAT THEY CAN’T ALWAYS CONTROL.

Then geldings will be used by at least another quarter of “the knights who cannot afford a horse good enough to keep his testicles,” so that leaves “a quarter or less” of knights who can realistically be mounted on stallions.

WORSE NEWS: If you geld a stallion too late (usually once they’re MOSTLY physically mature at 4-5 years old), that risk may never go away–so you’ve got a gelding who’s not breeding quality, but he’s still chasing mares in heat and fighting other stallions in turf battles, without understanding that he can no longer make babies!

On the other hand, some cultures don’t geld stallions because they view it as unnecessary or outright unnatural… but they also don’t want half the horse population distracted by pretty mares, or fighting with other stallions who walk by the pasture, so those cultures breed them to be sweet and easily managed (outside of battle, at least).

In short: ALL HORSES HAVE POTENTIAL TO BE WARHORSES, WHETHER THEY HAVE BALLS OR NOT.

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Update, Feb 2 – Another day to expand on that “Different types of warhorses” mention!

Much like the common misconception of “all knights must be at least 6 feet tall and have 200 pounds of muscle” varied in real life due to genetics, cultural values, and logistics problems, the assumption that “all knights MUST have top-quality destriers that cost seven times the price of a normal horse” was not the case for the vast majority of “knights.”

Knights would have either “the best horse they could AFFORD” or “the best horse FOR THEIR SPECIALTY.”

A poor knight, or one of the early Middle Ages, would have “one horse that they’re with all the time;” that horse may not be pretty or come from fancy breeding lines, but they would get the job done and most definitely be taken care of. A wealthy knight of the later Middle Ages, when everything got more expensive and status more codified and finicky, would have two or three horses–one horse for warfare and one for regular riding, with the really wealthy knights having a third packhorse to carry all their stuff. (Moreover, they would have at least one servant to help take care of three horses.)

A muscled sprinter like a destrier is better in tight quarters and for short bursts of speed; to bring in the modern example of a classic/Foundation Quarter Horse, who are ideally “short-legged and low to the ground,” these dudes can literally hit the ground running and reach top speed in a few steps/seconds, so compare that to a sports-car going from zero to sixty miles. The tradeoffs?

1) You need to be able to hang the fuck on… and to avoid getting pitched into a wall/enemy WHEN THEY STOP.

2) That full-throttle gallop will really wear out your horse. A good commander will not bring out their heavy cavalry right away, because you also have to figure out how to get them back from the enemy’s side of the field.

In very simplistic terms, this is one of several problems that the battle of Agincourt had for the French; you had a bunch of hoity-toity noblemen with no proper battle experience who all wanted to do things their own way… and how do medieval noblemen usually want to fight a war? JUST FLOOR IT AND HIT THINGS AS HARD AS YOU CAN.

That went so badly that the recorded death-toll for the French side of Agincourt has been commented as “a roll call for French nobles.”

A destrier would not be suitable for a scout or light-cavalry; they’d need lighter and ground-covering horses to cover rough terrain, and to chase down the enemy for long stretches–akin to a modern-day Thoroughbred. For period pieces they might resemble an Akhal-Teke or “Turkmene” horse. A modern-day Thoroughbred horse can “only” reach forty miles per hour at a gallop, but they can keep that up for a whole mile or longer. So now your knight’s problem is “Hanging on for two or three whole minutes,” and anyone in performing or athletics will explain how long and agonizing a few minutes would feel on a rampaging horse. Have you seen how stacked a racing jockey is? The general consensus I’ve seen from equestrians is that barely anyone in any other horse-discipline is that built.

Meanwhile, an ideal light-cavalry horse would need longer legs for a ground-covering stride, and they may or may not be taller as well; as seen in the Akhal-Teke article, many endurance horses tend to show a lot more ribs and bones than other breeds, due to how lean they are. But think of them less as a dainty riding horse and more like a hunting greyhound/sighthound–all muscle, no fat!

The other type of light-cavalry horse would likely be a pony, used to going for miles on rough terrain, with little if any feed.

EDIT Feb 4, 2024: My post got cut off, so here's the rest of it!

The other type of light-cavalry horse would likely be a pony, used to going for miles on rough terrain, with little if any feed.

A period-accurate scout's horse was known as the Irish hobby, ridden by their eponymous hobelar troops. These little dudes were VERY little and about 12-14 hands high (48-54 inches, or 4 feet tall to bit under five feet tall). They were known to cover 60-70 miles a day in their raids, which my "preindustrial traveling" post notes is the EXTREME upper end of mounted distance travel. Their modern descendant is likely to be the Irish Connemara Pony.

Very wealthy and/or lucky European horsemen could probably manage to buy/steal an Arabian horse, as they remain exceptional endurance horses to this day. However, excessively cold/wet climates will need a lot of upkeep for a desert-bred horse to stay healthy.

While Arabians are known for their adorable "dished faces," this is not actually required! Many well-bred native lines have a regular face (ie, a "straight nose/profile") but they are from well-bred parents and have the capabilities of other Arabians. To the other extreme, you have some modern show/halter lines with REALLY exaggerated heads that hit a lot of people's "Uncanny valley" buttons, and they find it creepy/weird instead of refined. This kind of "seahorse face" would NOT be seen in a period piece.

Notice how the smaller a horse gets, the more ground it can cover? This is partly because size only matters TO AN EXTENT for "how long a horse goes," and partly because of physics! Less weight for a horse to drag around on its own body means more energy for putting miles behind them!

#writing #writing reference #medieval #preindustrial #horse riding #medieval warfare #horses

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