#I didnt even spend 30 minutes on this it's being held together by nothing but wrapping tape

[kzyit]

Purple twinks are good. Two emo purple twinks? I'm thriving. This was the result of an incredibly unhinged conversation and I'm not explaining the context

Octavo not upside down version under the cut

#Vaati #Octavo #loz #zelda #I didnt even spend 30 minutes on this it's being held together by nothing but wrapping tape #something something reflection idk #kzyit art posting

[hearteyesbowen]

hiii! there’s this trend going on where if someone’s boyfriend is on a zoom class or playing on the ps4 their girlfriend flashes them and i thought it would be a cool idea to write what would happen if joshs girlfriend flashed him while he was on live and he get flustered and ends it to hang out w her if you know what i meannnn!! thank youu ur amazing

attention ☆ joshua bassett

how else is y/n going to get the attention of her boyfriend?

warnings: swearing , suggestive fluff

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“On my left, on my left!”

“No, no no!”

“Shit!”

Come over, he said.

It’ll be fun, he said.

We’re going to spend the whole day together, he said.

Bullshit, you said.

You could have done something else today, something more productive. Study for the tests you would have and inevitably fail the next week, maybe work out like you said you would this past New Year’s, clean your room from the mess you made while looking for your charger. Today could have been a productive day.

That said, you were never one to back up from being with your boyfriend. His schedule was pretty hectic with all the filming, interviews, and whatever it is that celebrities do, you didn’t pay much attention anyways. So when your usually busy boyfriend offers to hang out with you on one of his free days, it’s a steal.

Then he got an invite to play some video game with Matt and Larry. Then he asked if he could play a quick round, It would only be five minutes, babe. Then that one round turned into two, then five, then he doesn’t realize he has been playing for nearly an hour. Then you’re lying down on his bed behind him as he plays, and wonder if this was worth the procrastination you could have done at home. The answer is no.

You huff, staring at the ceiling above you, hoping there was something more interesting on the walls than hearing Josh laugh as he gets another shot in. Your legs dangle off the side of his bed while you lay on your back, strands of hair in various directions over your face.

“Josh?” You groan, tugging the hem of shirt and seeing a little bit of his back.

“Fuck off!” He screamed, smashing the buttons of his controller angrily.

Surprised, you sat up, making him turn his head. He gave you a quick look, pushing his headset away from his ears slightly so he could hear you better.

“Did you say something, babe?”

“I thought today would be just us, not us and your friends screaming at each other.”

He didnt respond for a few seconds, not until he was shot down and the round ended, erupting more profanities leaving his lips, and his controller leaving his hand.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you.” He picked up his controller and fixed his headset, waiting for his match to start in 30 seconds.

“Are you going to give me any attention today? Or should I just go home?”

His head shot back towards you, eyebrows furrowed. “Already? Ok, I’ll just do one more round. Then we can watch a movie later.”

Without another word, he whipped his head back to the tv. You rolled your eyes, fixing your messy hair. Reaching for your phone beside you, you decide to scroll through your Twitter. Endless tweets from friends, celebrities you follow, and ads from various brands. Then a certain tweet caught your eye, retweeted by one of your hometown friends:

when your boyfriend won’t give you any attention 😂😂

Followed by a video from Tiktok, which was a girl recording her boyfriend in a similar situation as Josh, and from what you could assume, she was naked, which immediately caught the eyes of her boyfriend.

As if a lightbulb popped up from above your head, you smirked. You might as well give it a shot, he said one more round 20 rounds ago. Maybe you wouldn’t just completely strip in front of your boyfriend, let’s take some baby steps.

You stood up, stretched out your arms and back a little, and scanned the room. Josh’s desk was right next to his tv, so you thought that would be the perfect place for your little plan. Before making your way to the table, you unclip your bra from under your shirt, the tight feeling around your chest being relieved. You toss your bra on his bed, Josh not even noticing what you’re doing.

Casually striding to his desk, you lean against the counter, hands on the surface. The shirt you were wearing was a bit oversized, so your chest wasn’t as visible. You stare at Josh for a few seconds, wondering if he would even give you a glance. Of course, nothing.

Alright, initiating plan now.

“It’s a bit hot today, isn’t it?” You asked, changing your voice to sound more innocent compared to the annoyance you had earlier.

His eyes stay glued to the screen, his tongue caught in between his teeth. How dare he look so hot right now.

“Yeah, a little.” He mumbled.

You grab your shirt’s collar and start to fan it against yourself, hopefully making him look at you. You play with your hair, fluffing it out to make it look fanned, overall just trying to make yourself look as appealing as possible right now.

Still, no response.

Step two, here we go.

“It’s super hot right now, could we turn on a fan or something?”

You proceed to lift up your shirt over your head, throwing it across the room. You play with your hair more, looking anywhere around the room but him.

That was when he noticed. At first, it was a harmless peek as to what you were doing, then he took a second glance to fully notice you. His mouth hung open and his eyes widened, and suddenly nothing else mattered. Not the video game going on in front of him, not his friends’ muffled yells through his headphones, not even the fact that his character died seconds after he averted his eyes away from the screen. Just the way you looked, whether or not you had a shirt on, it was like the first time you met all over again.

When you looked his way, you couldn’t help but giggle at his red face. What else could you have done to get him away from that controller?

You looked him up and down and smiled, sending him a wink before you looked away.

“Yeah, uhm, guys? I have to go now, see ya.”

He ripped off his headset, turned off the tv, and left his controller on top of his console before practically running to you. He held your waist, his warms hands coming into contact with your cold skin as he stood in front of you. His face stayed the same since he first saw you, making you hold in your laughter.

“Wow, you’re so beautiful.” He whispered in awe, taking in all of you.

“I would hope so, seems like this is the only way for me to get you to notice me.”

“I’m sorry, no more video games when it’s an ‘us’ day, promise.”

You leaned up to gently press your lips against his, holding his cheeks in your hands. He smiled against your lips, and pulled away. His lips grazed your cheeks, leaving small kisses from your cheek to your ear.

“Why don’t I make it up to you, would you like that?”

His lips then trailed down your neck, painfully slow. Each kiss lingered even longer, his path stopping at your collarbone. He looked up at you with a smirk, noticing you nod rapidly. He moved up, kissing along your jaw and lightly sucking right by your ear, making a soft moan leave your lips.

“You said it was hot earlier,” He started, kissing your lips quickly.

His hands traveled down to under thighs as he effortlessly picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his torso, your hands around his neck.

“You better get used to it, because it’s about to get a lot hotter.”

“You’re so stupid.” You laugh.

“Did you expect anything else from me?”

A/N - this is a really late one , im so sorry to whoever requested this . but i hope u like it, it was fun to write (: this is also somewhat unedited so bear with me . also also i passed my drivers test so watch out road , im now a danger to society (; anyways love y’all xx

taglist - @love-joshy @mzzjads @seaveyssparkle @iamveryborrrreddd

#ricky bowen imagine #ricky bowen x reader #ricky bowen #ricky bowen blurbs #ricky bowen fluff #ricky bowen angst #ricky bowen oneshot #joshua bassett x reader #joshua bassett #joshua bassett oneshot #joshua bassett blurbs #joshua bassett fluff #joshua bassett angst #hsmtmts imagine #hsmtmts #joshua bassett imagine

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 36

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: idk what to write here anyway no one reads it lol! but yea im posting this for Isa because she’s probably the only one who still cares about this story lmao ILYSM!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some requests i didnt add because i didnt want to spoil this. theyll be added in the next chapter and probably at the END of the chapter lol

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 36 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

April 7th, 2018

I fell asleep on the bed as soon as we got done with diner. I finally had a day off and an other one the next day but I had been working non-stop for 6 days until late at night (or early in the morning) and I was exhausted.  I shivered and woke up slowly, feelings my lips curl at Niall's touch. His fingertips were brushing up and down my arm, making goosebumps appeared on my skin, and I let out a low whimper.

"I missed you. How long have I been sleeping?" I asked in a mumble, forcing myself to open my eyes.

"You've been asleep for two hours." he pointed out before chuckling.

"I don't care." I let out with a childish voice. "I missed you anyway."

I squirmed a bit and ended up with my head on his lap. My lips curled into a smile when I felt his fingers slip in my hair and I breathed in, inhaling his scent and his expensive perfume.

I knew I was already fucked. I knew it was over for me and that if Niall and I broke up again at some point, it would kill me. At this point, being official or not didn't change anything anymore. I remembered back then, before I dated him, I always tried to suppress my feelings for him, I always managed to put a wall in front of them to hide them from everyone and especially myself. Right after One Direction's last tour, the walls collapsed and crashed, exposing my feelings to practically everyone, and at that time, it shocked me how much I loved him, how deep, real and intense my feelings were. They grew even more when we dated and remained stronger than ever for so long after he broke up with me. I was there with him now, my walls completely wrecked, and it made me realize that I had put my walls back in front of my feelings when I started dating Dylan but that wall was not that strong and Niall easily tore it apart without even knowing it. I was tired. I was exhausted to keep that wall there. Perhaps I had even helped him taking each brick off, one by one. Yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I was sure it was a team work.

"I was thinking we could go out tonight."

I groaned and wiggled a bit to press my face on his stomach, making him chuckle. "I'm tired."

"I know, but Louis says he misses you." he pointed out, making me groan again. "Come on, I'll buy you a few drinks."

I remained silent for a few seconds, wondering if I should go or not. I was pretty sure it would be fun but at the same time, spending time in bed, cuddling with the man I loved seemed even better. I moved a bit to lay on my back and look up at him. He was the only person in the world who looked good from this angle.

"Are you gonna stay with me the whole time?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes."

"You'll hold my hand under the table?" I added, staring at him and making him smile.

"I will."

"You're gonna dance with me whenever I ask you to?"

"Baby, we're not going in a club." he pointed out. It made my eyebrows raise up more and my lips part. "Fine, yes, I'll dance with you whenever you ask me."

My facial expression turned into a happy and satisfied one and I quickly got up, reaching for his closet.

"We have a deal, then!" I just said, trying to find something decent to wear before deciding on a pair of jeans and a band shirt (not a One Direction one, this time). It took me about 20 minutes to put make up on and when I joined Niall in the living room, I tilted my head as he got up.

"You look so good." I pointed out, moving closing and putting both my hands on his chest, my palms pressed on his blue dress shirt. "You're so classy and here i am, wearing jeans and a shirt."

He laughed a bit, moving his chin up slightly. "You want me to get changed?"

"No, I want you to get naked."

He laughed. "That's not happening. Louis is waiting and you know damn well he can show up just to annoy us." he explained with a smirk as I chuckled. "Tube?"

"Cab?" I argued, raising my nose up.

I didn't want our pictures taken, I didn't want to meet people, or get caught by paps. All I wanted was a nice evening with my friends and mostly, with Niall. He moved his arms around my waist, intertwining his fingers on my back and nodded slowly before sighing.

"Anything you want."

I smiled at him and moved closer to kiss his lips. He tasted good and I felt his hands move up on my back before smiling against his lips. If he changed his mind and asked me to stay home, I definitely wouldn't be against it. Unfortunately, we ended up at the bar quite quickly and after a while, I just stared at my glass, lost in my thoughts, before Louis leaned closer to me.

"'Dans la lune'?" I smiled and looked up, meeting his blue eyes. His lips curled too and he raised his eyebrows. "I've been practicing. How's my accent?"

"Almost as bad as Niall's." I just said, laughing when I saw him frown as his lips parted in shock.

"Hey, wait!" I heard, turning to Niall who was frowning too, clearly insulted. "I'm very good at that!"

"Honestly, no you're not." I admitted, raising my nose up and shrugging. "I'm sorry but you both suck at it."

"Well, you know what I'm good at?" Louis asked, getting up. "Paying beer for everyone."

He left and I turned to Niall, frowning a bit when he was looking away. I followed his eyes and my heart skipped a beat when I realized he was looking at a girl, sitting afar at a table. I took the time to look at her and bit my bottom lip before sighing. I couldn't be jealous, not now, and I couldn't pretend the girl was not beautiful. Still, it did hurt me and at the same time, it was ridiculous to expect him to never find an other girl pretty in his whole life.

"What are you looking at?" I asked low, getting his attention back.

His eyes roamed on my face and he blinked a few times. "Oh, no one."

"I didn't ask 'who', I asked 'what'..." I pointed out, licking my lips. "You were looking at that girl? She's pretty."

It was a lie. She was more than that, but it was too hard to admit.

"Yea, not bad." he replied, making me roll my eyes.

"Look, I know you think she's sexy, don't lie to me."

He sighed and reached for my hand under the table, making the left corner of my lips raise up. It was hard to be mad, or feel sad, when Niall was looking at me like that and I just tilted my head, staring right back at him. It didn't matter if he found other girls pretty, all that mattered was that he loved me, and that he wouldn't go back to his old habits.

"Okay, she's hot. But you're sexier." he bent closer to kiss me and I held my breath before he moved back slowly, remembering we weren't supposed to tell anyone that we were sort of seeing each other. He looked away, but not in the direction of the girl, and I just licked my lips as I watched him grab his beer and take a sip of it.

"Have you ever thought about having a threesome?"

He choked slightly and swallowed hard before wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. The sight was endearing and I chuckled.

"What?"

"I don't know, I was just saying." I proposed, shrugging a shoulder and making his eyes open slightly more.

"Would you be willing?"

I let my eyes move on his face and started questioning myself. I had no idea if I was and somehow, I felt like our relationship, whatever it was, was still very fragile at that point. Not our love, of course, that was strong, but the trust I had for him was still shaky and it scared me.

"I had a threesome before and it ruined the relationship I had with one of the girls. I think it's the main reason why me and her broke up."

He nodded and pressed his lips together. "Yea me too. Although I was pretty hammered I can definitely say it didn't help our couple, or whatever it was that we had." he paused and looked down before looking up in my eyes. "But we could make rules."

"Rules? Like what?"

He shrugged. "You tell me."

I stared at him again and I suddenly wished I never proposed that. I glanced at the girl on the other side of the room and felt something stir inside me. Yes, I was more confident about my body, but at the same time, I knew the bodies Niall was normally attracted to had nothing in common with mine.

"You.. can't kiss her. Or get your dick inside her." I pointed out, licking my lips nervously. "I don't want her to touch you, or-"

"Okay!" he laughed, shaking his head. "It'll be faster if you tell me what I'm allowed to do instead."

I groaned low and grimaced but I felt a bit better when he squeezed my hand again. I felt ridiculous for that feeling and I was wondering if it was my self-confidence that was getting low again, or simply the fact that it would hurt me to see the man I love making out naked with an other girl. I had seen Niall with other girls often in my life, and it has hurt me enough in the past, didn't it?

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to." he shrugged with a fond smile. "It's just a discussion for now. I mean, you know it's you I love, right?"

"Put yourself in my shoes, Niall." I tried to explain. "I mean we could have a threesome with a man."

"I'm not.. so sure." he replied with a frown.

"See?" I pointed out a bit louder, leaning against my chair and making him roll his eyes, amused.

"It's different, I'm not into men, but you're into women."

"But that's not what it's about." I explained a bit lower, tilting my head. "It's about us, and the feelings we have for each other. I've shared you so often before. I even lost you a few times. What if it happens again this time?" I sighed and shook my head. "I'll think about it."

"Hey, hey." he whispered, moving closer to me and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Don't stress over something so futile okay? I'd be totally fine watching you have sex with an other girl while I just sit close on a chair and jerk off f like a fuckin’ loser."

This time, I laughed and I just had time to see his lips curl into a smile before I tapped on the front of his cap, making it move down over his eyes. He placed it back and I noticed his eyes were shining. I tilted my head and my lips parted but just as I was about to say something, he kept talking.

"And yes, it would piss me off to see you get fucked by an other man." His gaze dropped to my shirt and moved up to my eyes again. "I'd probably throw him out."

I laughed again, feeling the sudden urge to kiss him. He smelled so good, he look beautiful and he was so close... All I could think about was grab his shirt with both hands and pull him close to feel his lips crash against mine. With all the strength in me, I got up and nibbled on my bottom lip for a few seconds.

"I'll be right back."

Quickly, I walked to the lady's room and leaned both hands against the counter, letting my head fall down slightly and closing my eyes. It was so tough to stay away from him all the time and it was starting to drive me insane. Of course, I didn't want our relationship out in the open but if our friends knew, it would make things a lot easier. I was so sure it was the right thing to do a few weeks ago but now, my certainty was faltering. It was harder and harder as the days went by and even if it was just to protect me at first, I knew it was useless now. I loved Niall. I always would. And being official or not wouldn't stop me from hurting if he decided to leave again.

Without thinking, I grabbed my phone in my pocket, moved my shirt up and bougfht my phone up too, to snap a picture. I quickly sent it to him before unclasping my bra and moving it up, taking an other picture. I sent it too just as I was getting a message from him.

'Fuck petal show me more'

My lips curled at his words and It only took a few seconds to get a second one.

'I want to suck on your tits so bad pet'

I swallowed hard and felt my whole body throb as I typed an answer. 'Do it now, then.'

I leaned against the counter and waited but when the door opened, I felt my heart jump in my chest, hoping it was not someone else. I sighed when I saw it was him and his eyes roamed on me for a few seconds. He turned around and locked the door, making me chuckle and I held myself back on the counter with my two hands.

"I hope we don't get caught."

"I don't care." he replied, making me smile more.

He took a few steps closer and even If I should have expected it, I held my breath when he bent down quickly. His lips wrapped around one of my nipples and I felt my legs tense as a short whimper got out of my throat. I felt his tongue flick on it before he sucked on it gently and when he moved to my other one, I glanced down only to see how hard the first one was. I remained motionless, my eyes half-closed, as his mouth, lips and tongue focused on my tits and after a while, my lips parted, my eyes closed completely and I let my head fall back on my shoulders slightly.

He stopped and I felt his hands on my hips, helping me up on the counter and when he moved between my legs, I felt my heart jump in my chest. His lips found mine and his hands reached my breasts as he kissed me deeply. He had moved his cap around and I just reached it to take it off, leaving it on the wet counter and slipping my fingers in his hair.

"Why didn't you wear a skirt, lover, it would have been easier to fuck you."

The sweet nickname made me smile against his mouth. I loved how impatient he was and I could feel his hard cock press on one of my thighs. He rubbed himself gently against me and I moaned again in his mouth before pulling away and licking my lips. I pushed on his chest gently and got off the counter before taking a step back as I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans quickly. He stared at me, his gaze moving from my hands to my face and back to my hands as I pushed my pants and panties down to my knees and raised my eyebrows.

"I can bend down for you."

He walked up to me, turned me around and pushed me against the wall. I held my breath as his hand moved between my thighs to reach my pussy and he groaned, grabbing my waist and pulling it closer to him before spanking me one time but hard. I pressed my palms on the wall and closed my eyes when I felt the tip of his cock press on my walls and let out a curse word when it slipped inside me. My fingers curled and my short nails scratched against the wall as he started fucking me hard and fast. His hands found my breasts again and he grabbed them hard as a balance to fuck me deeper.

I was happy both of us hadn't drank too much and when he leaned against my back, I felt his lips brushing near my shoulder as he grunted.

"No one turns me on like you." he let out, making me hold my breath again. "No one makes me cum like you."

He pulled me away from the wall and pushed down on my back, holding me there with a hand on one of my shoulders as he spanked me again a few times. I could feel myself throb around his cock as he remained still and when his other hand reached for my other shoulder. I bent down more, making sure I was far enough from the wall, knowing he was about to go harder.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum."

He started fucking me so hard I had to put my own hand over my mouth to make sure I wouldn't moan too loud and I felt myself reach an orgasm as he fucked me deep. I shook against him for a few seconds and he groaned, waiting until I relaxed a bit to pull out and jerk off quickly. It took only a few seconds before I heard him groan louder, the tip of his cock rubbing against my ass, and my eyes fluttered close when I felt him push himself back inside me, fucking me for half a minute before his thrusts faltered.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." he apologized as I moved up. He wrapped his arms around me and I could feel his cock brush against my ass. "I came all over you. And then inside you."

The thought made me shiver and he ran his hands on my breasts before pulling on my shirt to cover them. He took a step back and I saw him tuck his dick back in his pants as I turned around. I moved my panties and pants up and then worked on my bra when we heard someone push on the door. I held my breath and my eyes got bigger but Niall just chuckled.

"Liv? It's El!"

Without hesitation, Niall unlocked the door and opened it, leaving Eleanor speechless. I had to admit it was worth it and I laughed a bit.

"Uhm when you two are... well, done, I guess? There's shots waiting for you..." she grimaced and shook her head. "Okay. Bye. Gross."

I laughed and walked up to Niall, getting on my tiptoe to kiss him. "Now she knows." I whispered.

"It's okay, I'm sure she won't tell." Niall tried to reassure me as I chuckled.

"Yea, like she'll keep that from Louis!"

We both laughed and shook our heads and I finally went back to grab his cap on the counter before we walked back to the table. It was useless to pretend we weren't together or anything. At that point, I knew we were fucked and that everyone probably knew about us.

"Finally!" Louis said when he saw us before pushing shots closer to us. He waited until everyone had one and he moved it up over his head to make a toast. "To Neil and Olivia, who literally can't keep their pants on when they're around each other!"

Everyone laughed and I kicked him under the table. It only resulted in him laughing and smirking at me but we all drank and I turned to Niall who was smiling fondly at me. Fuck it, why should I care if my friends knew?

                                                     ---

"I want to write a song about that." Niall said as we walked in his house.

I let my purse fall on the floor and walked slowly to the bathroom to take off my make up. "Write a song about what?"

He walked up to me and leaned against the door frame, just looking at me as I washed my face and it reminded me of that time I was too sick to do it myself and he had done it for me. It made something stir in my stomach and I sent him a fond smile in the mirror.

"A song about sex with you." he explained, pushing his hands in his pockets as I chuckled.

"Make it more general, maybe? And don't use my name!"

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Do you know me at all?"

I grabbed my phone to check the time and it's only when I saw the date that I frowned. Today was april 7th (now 8th), and I was sure I had something planned on the 6th. When I remembered, I felt my heart jump in my throat and held myself against the counter.

"Liv, hey, are you okay?"

Niall was close to me, I could feel the heath of his body against mine and his hand on my back and I swallowed hard before moving my body back up and turning to him, blinking a few times as he frowned. Could I really tell him that? Would I have the guts to say it out loud?

"Niall, I'm late."

He frowned for a second and then he understood. His lips parted and an expression appeared on his face. It looked like fear.

"It's... it's stress, right? You're on birth control?" he seemed panicked and I swallowed hard, feeling suddenly extremely guilty.

"Yea but those pills aren't a hundred percent safe." I pointed out, shaking my head before my traits softened. "No it's probably just stress, I've been working a lot and not sleeping much..."

He nodded and searched for his phone in his pocket before dialing a number quickly. I frowned and walked closer to him, wanting to ask him who he was calling but I didn't dare. He turned to me and showed me his forefinger, telling me to give him a minute and he left. I leaned against the counter again, head down between my shoulders, and felt myself tear up. I had been through so many things recently and I was exhausted. Adding a pregnancy to my life was not a good thing at the moment and I was also scared it would break something between Niall and I, and I was not ready to lose him.

He came back and wrapped his arms around me, leaning his chin on my shoulder. I looked at his reflection in the mirror and he sent me a loving smile that I sent back.

"I called the drug store. They're sending us a few tests. We'll be fixed tonight."

I felt relieved but also nervous and when the doorbell rang, we argued on who was going to answer. He won and I waited for him to come back, sitting on the couch and shaking my leg. He sat next to me and took a box out, handling it to me. I just stared at it for a few seconds until he pushed the side of his upper body gently against mine.

"Petal, it's okay. If you're pregnant, we'll adjust."

"It's gonna ruin what we have." I let out in a whisper.

In half a second, he was kneeling in front of me, searching for my eyes and when our gazes met, he raised his eyebrows.

"Nothing will ruin what we have anymore. Nothing. I won't let anything bring us apart. I want to be with you, Olivia. Okay, kids weren't planned before a few years but if you're pregnant, like I said, we'll make the best of it." he paused and sighed, noticing I was still nervous and he licked his lips. "Do you love me?"

"More than anything in the world. More than anyone I ever loved, or will ever love. You know it." I admitted, feeling my voice break slightly.

"I love you too. I'm in love with you." he stopped talking and handed me the box. "You can do this."

I was shaking when I got out of the bathroom and quickly put the stick in his hands. I was near tears, and I had been for about an hour, but I was not really sure why. His words should have made me feel better and they did, but somehow, I still felt extremely vulnerable and fragile and I was not sure why.

"Please, look at it for me, I can't do this."

I turned around, my back now facing him, and let a few tears fall before wiping them quickly. It felt like an other hour had passed and I finally turned around and sighed.

"So? Niall? Is it positive?"

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #sorry it took me so long to update

[neo-culture-mafia]

She’s Mine (l.ty)

Requested: Yes

Warnings: |Cuteness|    |Some Swearing|

Songs Listened to While Writing: She’s Mine by VAV (SONG IS A BOP [another group who shouldn’t be slept on]) Her by Block B

I made a bunch of scenarios to make up for me killing people in my writing...so sorry...again. But I hope you enjoy!!💚

~J

--------

You got ready to go out with all the rest of the girlfriends from the unit. Taeyong had gone to an important business meeting with the rest of the 127 unit, so he was gone for at least another day. You were taking your small window of freedom and you were running with it.

Your makeup, hair, and outfit were perfect for the feeling of a night time club. You twirled yourself down the hall in your favorite pair of heels; the clanking sound echoing on the marble floor. You twirled a final time, putting your hand on the front door handle, so close to freedom.

"Where is my princess going so late at night?" You heard from behind you. Your shoulders instantly fell as you leaned your head on the wooden door. You softly banged your head against the door in order to wake yourself up from this 'nightmare'. Yet, a hand was met in between your forehead and the door. "Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself, honey." He said and you whined.

"I wanted to go out with the girls." You said motioning to the door. "But I'm home early and wanted to spend a night in with you." He said grabbing your waist and pulling you closer, using his big pouty eyes to lure you into his loving trap.

"And plus," he began trailing a finger down your neck and across your exposed collar bone. "I should be the only one to see you in this type of outfit."

-----------

You danced around the kitchen in one of Taeyong's hoodies he left for you to wear; always freshly sprayed with his cologne.

He came home early from a mission, so you sent him to take a nap while you cooked a nice hearty dinner for the both of you to share together. The music blasted in the kitchen so only you could rock out and not disturb your sleepy husband.

Yet, your fooling around left you with a burnt hand; you had completely missed the pans handle and touched the hot iron of the pan itself. Your yelp broke through the music as you clutched the hand to your chest.

In less than 10 seconds, you were in the arms of Taeyong who had woken himself up from your whimper of distress.

"Let me see." He gently grabbed your hand. You whimpered at the lightest touch. "Here, let's run it under cold water." He said picking you up with one arm and setting you on the cold marble counter next to the sink.

He had to gently pry your hand away from your chest. He turned on the water, and slowly brought your hand under the stream. You yelped again, your hand retracting to your chest as your body turned so you were fully on the counter. Your legs were folded like a 5 year old as silent tears welled into your eyes.

The water was shut off. "Awe my baby." He said grabbing the back of your knees and pulling you to the edge of the counter. He situated himself between your legs and rubbed your arm and thigh soothingly. "Awe don't cry baby girl." He whined along with you, his thumb coming up to wipe your already fallen tears away.

"We have to wash it off, baby." He said and you sighed, knowing it had to be done now rather than later.

Your hand was now independently hovered under the non-running faucet. You squeezed your eyes shut and looked the other way. "I'm ready." You said and you heard him chuckle. "You're too cute." He said lightly pinching your cheek.

He held your hand away from the faucet as he set the temperature. "What are you making for dinner, baby?" He asked and you though for a moment. "Chicken...and vegetables...and noodles...and-" "Done." You heard him say.

You looked to him quickly where he held your soaking wet hand. "Already?" You asked in shock. He patted your hand dry. "Yep." He spoke before kissing your palm sweetly.

He grabbed your waist and pulled you down gently. He leaned against the counter and ran a hand through his hair. "Now go relax while I finish dinner." He said holding your hip loosely. You pouted, pointing to the food you were making. "But-" "No 'buts'...go relax and I'll tell you when you need to wash up because dinner is almost ready. I don't want you getting burned anymore." He said letting go of your waist and putting his hands behind him on the counter.

You opened your mouth to fight against him, but his cocked eyebrow made you rethink. He was ready to fight against anything you had to say. Once you realised this, you shut your mouth quickly.

You sighed and turned away to go out of the kitchen. "You're forgetting something, little lady." He said and you turned back around, stomping over. You leaned up and pecked his lips before running out of the kitchen and into the living room.

-----------

You were with Taeyong at one of the usual business parties he had with other groups in the area.

He was surrounded with men he held close to him, and you were with other women of the business.

Taeyong always told you to stay with 2 other people he trusted, or stay within his eye sight. You agreed, knowing you could never win against his wanting of protection for you.

So when the 2 girls you were with had to leave with their husbands, it was time for you to start heading back to Taeyong.

He didnt even falter when he felt your presence next to him, if anything it looked as if he relaxed even more. His hand instinctively found your waist and his hand gripped lightly. "Men, I'd like you to meet my beautiful wife, y/n." He introduced you. You bowed politely and sweetly. "Wow. You are so well mannered compared to other women of the business." One of the men said and the others hummed in agreement.

"Well one thing me and my wife model to our members -- of all ages, is respect. We would go no where without it." Taeyong said and you nodded, ultimately agreeing with him.

After a few minutes of the men talking, you were thirsty. You tugged on Taeyong's suit jacket lightly. "I'm thirsty. I'm going to go get a drink." You whispered in his ear once he leaned down a little for you to speak quietly.

"Okay, just make sure to stay where I can see you." He said and you nodded. He kissed your cheek softly and you were off to the bar to get a water; not wanting the burning of alcohol in your throat tonight.

You called the bartender over. "One water please." You asked and he nodded, going to the end of the bar for the water.

You scroll through your phone, messaging some of your friends what you had been up to lately. The man returned with a glass of water. You picked it up and was about to take a sip, before the cup was in the hand of your husband.

"Why don't you drink it?" Taeyong asked, his death stare coming out towards the man. He made sure you never saw this side of him, for the fear of scaring you...and it did scare you.

Taeyong's hand found yours under the bar, where he put you behind him a little bit. "...uh..." the man stopped at your husband's request. "What did you put in her drink?" He asked and you finally understood what was going on.

"N-nothing. How dare you accuse me of doing such a thing!" The man yelled, getting everyone's attention in the gala room.

"...then drink..." Taeyong cocked his eyebrow at the man.

The man just looked down to the ground. "I can't do that." The man spoke softly. Like lightning both Taeyong and the man pulled out guns toward each other, causing the rest of Neo Culture to run to their leaders side.

Taeyong still held your hand tightly. "You mess with her...you mess with us...you mess with me." Tae seethed and it was shocking to see this new side to him. You knew he cared...just never this much.

"Mark, Hyuck. Take y/n home and make sure she is alright and not hurt anywhere." "Got it, boss." They both rushed to your side, ushering you out of the gala where people stood shocked at the stand off.

---------

You walked around the house, reading a book while making twists and turns through the hallways. Yet, you missed the corner and stubbed your pinky toe on the corner of the turn.

You dropped your book and held your foot. Taeyong's office door opened and he rushed out, reading glasses still on. "You okay?" He asked holding you steady on one foot. "Y-yeah. Just...stubbed my toe is all." You waved him off.

"Awe my poor clumsy baby." He said helping you stand on your uninjured foot. "Hey!" You turned quickly and ended up landing on your butt like a 3 year old, both legs outstretched infront of you. "As I said..." He trailed off, picking you up in his arms. He walked across the house to the bedroom and threw you on the bed softly.

"It's 1 pm...take a nap so you can't hurself you big baby." He kissed your forehead. "...im not a baby..." You pouted. He started walking out, "Yeah whatever you say...baby." He mumbled. You groaned but decided a nap wouldn't be the worst.

~~~~~

You woke up, the pain in your small toe minimized to a dull ache. You got up, rubbing your eyes and seeing it was 4:30. You got up and slipped on one of Tae's hoodies that was laying on the arm chair in the room.

You opened the door and walked down the hall to be met with a chaos. EVERY SINGLE CORNER IN YOUR HOME WAS BUBBLE WRAPPED.

"Taeyong!" You yelled, walking down to his office. You didn't bother knocking and walked straight in.

"You basically baby proofed the whole entire house?!" You screamed and he had a smirk on his face. "Yeah...so you can't get hurt anymore." He said as if it was no big deal. You just sat there, with your mouth hanging wide open at your husband.

"Now go drink some water before you get too worked up."

-----------

You walked down the long hallways of the base to the main meeting room where a huge meeting was being held. Tae had you run and get an important document in his office as the meeting carried on.

You were dressed how you usually were for the office days where you worked on base - skirt, dress shirt, and heels ( basically what everyone else wore ).

But you always got more attention than the other women. You were gifted with a beautiful body ( A/N: guys...everyone is beautiful, and everyone has an amazing body ) and other men who didn't come around often kind of forgot who you were here for in the first place.

You walked into the meeting room, a person from finances was talking in the front of the room. You snuck over to Taeyong at the head of the table and put the file infront of him. "Here you go." You smiled sweetly. "Thank you, Mrs. Lee." He smiled and read the documents.

"Could you go make a copy of this listed document?" He asked quietly, pointing to a list. You bent over a little to get a better view. "Which one?" You asked, and he pointed it out again. You nodded and made a note of it on a piece of paper.

"Anything else?" You asked. "Just one more thing, and it's super top secret." He said and wrote it down on a piece of paper. You looked once he was done and you giggled quietly. "What's for dinner?" It read. You looked down. "Well, what do you want?" You asked quietly.

"I think you know." He winked. You rolled your eyes. "Chicken it is then." You say and he quietly punched the air in happiness.

"I'm going to copy this." You said and started to walk out, but everything was stopped once a loud slap came around the room. You stopped, feeling a sting on your bottom.

You also knew that Taeyong didn't have elastic arms...and you knew that the giggling boys standing next to you wouldn't make it another week in Neo Culture.

You slowly turn around towards the meeting room again, and was met with stares...at you...Taeyong...and the younger recruits...waiting to see what would happen.

"What?" The young men asked, realizing that everyone was staring. Taeyong just sat there, his gaze fixed on the young men.

"Men...do you know who I am?" You bent down towards them a little. "Mrs. Lee...from the personal filing department?" One of them answered.

"Yep...Mrs. as in I am married..." You began and caught the other staring down your shirt. You gripped the clothing to your chest, and you heard a deep sigh come from Taeyong's chest.

"Now...I'm married to one of those fine gentlemen sitting at that table...could you possibly guess who it is?" You asked and they shrugged.

You heard a chair roll from behind you. You sighed, dropping your head in disappointment.

You felt a hand on your lower back, so you stood up. "Me...you dumbasses. She's married to me." Tae said getting close to the men's faces. "And you touched what was mine...no one touches her except me...she's mine."

/////////////

Well damn...I guess me writing fluff isn't that bad...

....also Domestic!Mafia!Taeyong is a concept...

You guys actually don't know how hard this was for me to write. I usually make the other admin write all the mushy gushy stuff because I usually end up killing someone ??

I might take more fluffy reactions because I now realise it's not that bad...it just take me some time to become all soft and gushy.

Love,

~J

#nct #nct 127 #nct mafia au #nct taeyong #lee taeyong #mine #fanfic #nct imagine #imagine #kpop mafia au #kpop au #kpop fluff #neo culture technology

[peacedolantwins]

Can’t Unmiss You but I Need You Now (E.D.)

A/N: for the anon who sent in the request for I’m so Tired, here is it, I know its like.. two weeks later BUT I FINISHED! i definitely feel like I got off track oops so is it my best? no I dont think so but let me know what you guys think, enjoy maybe?

You dont even know what you two were fighting about at this point anymore. Your day had started off so great, you and Ethan both excited about the plans you had for later on tonight. It was Valentines day and the plan was to have a nice dinner together then come back to the house and finish showing each other just how much you loved the other. Somewhere along the way both of you ended up getting way more stressed than either of you should have been. Ethan forgot about something last minute he needed to do with Gray, which turned into two more tasks. You were feeling stressed because the dress you had planned on wearing had a huge rip in that you know wasnt there before so you were trying to find something else in your closet and not only that, but when you had gone to the store to pick up the gift you got for Ethan the store couldnt find it in all the orders they received. During this time you had been texting James who said he had a dress you could borrow, you were about to ask why he had a dress on stand by but he just said it was one Laura had left over before and he thought it would look good on you. He offered to do your makeup for you but you knew it would take way too long and time wasnt something you had right now. You still had to go back and finish getting ready for tonight but you thanked him nonetheless.

Ethan had come home a while ago and was waiting for you in the living room. You were finishing putting on your makeup when he came barging into the room.

“We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago Y/N- you’re not even dressed?” He raised his voice towards the end which was putting you on edge considering the day you had.

“Give me five minutes I promise I’ll be done,” you sighed. He never told you what time to be ready by to be completely fair but you didn’t want to start something when you were supposed to be having a nice time together.

“Just forget it completely, there’s no point now,” he started taking off his jacket.

“Excuse me?”

“You already took too long to get ready, we were supposed to be there by now and the restaurant wont take us if were late to the reservation and at this point were-” he stopped to look at his watch, “five minutes late.” He looked at you like all of this was completely your fault and you were in no mood to be putting up with this.

“Ethan you never told me what time we were leaving at! Sure we may have missed the reservation, but babe we can go somewhere else,”

“Why? So we can wait for hours with everyone else who didn't care enough to plan for today?” He spat back at you. “Just forget it. Do whatever you want, I'm gonna go to James's party with Gray so dont wait up,” with that he grabbed his jacket again and walked out of the room leaving you shocked and confused as to how this day went so bad so fast.

You didnt want to just sit around the rest of the night so when your girl friends texted in the group chat about their plan to go bar hopping you said you were in and they would be there to pick you up in half an hour. You finished your makeup and went to put on the dress your friend gave you and you took a moment to take in your appearance because damn. The dress was a bit short and hugged you in all the right places and you can definitely see why he gave you this one to borrow for tonight because you had to admit- you looked good.

The red satin dress ended just inches away from where your legs met you body, the plunging v-line cut let nothing to the imagination and it showed off your waist in all the right ways and once your friends texted they were outside, you threw on a cropped leather jacket and out the door you went.

~~

Ethan arrived at the party with Grayson and after a questioning look from James he left to walk around the house. He knew he had gotten a bit over dramatic with you earlier but he was stubborn and as much as he wanted to, his pride wouldnt let him go back and apologize and try to make things better. He was surrounded by people he barely knew and most of them were here with their significant other. They were playing some sappy love song in the kitchen and a few people were dancing along to it. He watched on as a couple just held one another and swayed together to the song. Every song they were playing seemed to remind him of you and he couldnt help but think about how he just left you at the house alone. Ethan knew he had over reacted but he had wanted this day to be perfect for the two of you and as the day went on, nothing had gone as planned and being late to the dinner was the final push. He was upset with himself for how he talked to you and he knew it wasnt your fault since he never did say what time to be ready but the damage was already done.

He wasnt even having fun at this party, Grayson had even come around a few times to tell him to stop looking so down because people were getting worried about him. Honestly at this point he just wanted to go back home and try to apologize. As he was about to take out his phone to text you, he got a notification that you had posted to your instagram.

Your friends had tried to cheer you up and you were doing your best to not be such a buzzkill when they were trying to have a good time, and apparently the only solution you all could come up with was to make sure you were the first one drunk. As soon as you had all gotten to the first bar, they were already ordering a round of shots and also trying to pick which drink they should make you drink and since they couldnt decide, you ended up with two cocktails. You had all taken a few pictures in the bathroom mirror, as a group of drunk girls naturally does and ended up posting a few to your story. Now, a few hours and way too much alcohol, the idea of getting you drunk enough to have fun worked. For a while. You all seemed to forget that while you were fun drunk, you also had a habit of getting extremely emotional. You’re friends had already cut you off after the amount of drinks you had already had and once you started for asking the bartender for something stronger after every drink you had.

While one of your friends sat there with you to take care of you before the night was over, you heard the song you and Ethan would always play when you were in the car going somewhere. It was something you would always do together and now here you were listening to it without him on what was supposed to be a happy and good night for the two of you. There really was something that made it that much more sad listening to it by yourself now.

You couldnt help but think about how he was spending his night. Was he having fun with Grayson at James’ party? Did he even miss you? Was he spending his night talking to other girls while you sat here, drunk and tired on your friends shoulder? Was he going to come back to the house tonight or would be spending the night there? You had so many questions but you were scared about what the answers would be. You had wanted to text him earlier but your friends had taken your phone within the first 30 minutes of picking you up and saw how much you kept checking it to see if maybe he would text you first. That was about 4 hours ago and even though you had gotten into an argument, you missed him.

You missed spending time with him. Sure, you two had had fights with one another before in the past, but you never left each other upset. You two usually just went to opposite sides of the house to calm down before one of you ended up apologizing to the other. This was the longest one of your fights had ever gone on and it was worrying. Even though you didn’t think the fight was your fault, you didnt care right now and just wanted to talk to him.

Your friend finally gave you back your phone because the notifications kept going off.

E: Babe, I’m sorry

E: I saw the picture you posted, you look good

E: I hope you’re having a good time

E: Call me when you get the chance please?

E: It’s been a few hours now, if you’re still mad thats okay, just let me know youre okay

E: Y/n, please call me or text me

E: I know this is my fault but let me know you’re okay please? I’m getting worried

E: Its been over three hours baby and y/f/n isnt answering either please call me

You knew he was used to you having your phone on you at all times so you not answering him must have had him pretty worried. You might have planned on giving him the cold shoulder for a little bit, but you never wanted to make him worried about you.

You: I’m okay, sorry didnt mean to worry you

His reply was almost instant.

E: It’s okay mama, glad to know youre okay, have fun with your friends just text me if you need anything, I’ll see you at home

While you did have a good time with your friends, you were done for the night. You just wanted to go back home and cuddle up in bed ideally with your boyfriend even if things weren’t so great with you guys right now.

You: Will you come pick me up please?

E: Is everything okay?

You: I’m fine, I just wanna go home

E: Sure, send me the address and I’ll text you when I’m there

After you sent him the address, you found the rest of your friends to let them know you were leaving soon. They were bummed out you wouldnt be there with them for the rest of the night, they all said goodbye and gave you hugs before they went back to dancing with some guys they found. You waited by the bar nursing a glass of water, already knowing your head was going to be killing you in the morning. When your phone went off, you walked outside to find Ethan waiting by the entrance and he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m sorry about today babe, I didnt mean to talk to you like that earlier.” He placed his head on top of yours after placing a kiss on your forehead.

“S’okay.” You were already falling asleep and he was just so soft and warm.

“It’s really not, but okay, come on lets get you home before you fall asleep right here.” He lead you back to the jeep and helped you in, making sure your seatbelt was on. On the ride back, he kept the volume low and he felt your hand slip into his when you’re guy’s song came on. He brought your hand up and kissed the back of your hand before putting your hands back down and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. Somewhere along the way, you fell asleep with your head resting on the center console and didnt even notice the car had stopped moving.

Grayson had already gone back to the house so Ethan texted him and asked him to come open up the front door so he could carry you in without having to wake you up. While he had carried you before in the past with no problems, turns out carrying you drunk and completely dead weight wasn’t the easiest. After struggling to figure out how to lift you out of the car, he figured he could put Gray to use.

“Watch her head,” He stood right there next to Gray while he picked you up, not wanting you to get hurt.

“Dude chill, I’ve got her, relax,” Grayson easily carried you to Ethan’s room and placed you on the bed before leaving you two in the room. He took off your makeup the best he could and grabbed you one of his shirts but he couldnt figure out how to get you of your dress without waking you up because it really was tighter than he first thought it was. He didn’t want to wake you up but he knew that was the only way to get it off you.

“Y/n c’mon get changed then you can go back to bed,” he gently shook you awake and couldnt help but laugh at your annoyed face before you begrudgingly stood up to take off the dress. He watched you struggle for a minute trying to get the zipper down before he went over and unzipped it for you. Once it was down far enough you practically ripped off yourself before throwing yourself back down on the bed in only your underwear, not even bothering to put anything else on. Having already woken you up enough, Ethan decided to just let you be and put the blanket over your body before grabbing another one and getting ready to head to the couch.

“Where are you going?” you sleep filled voice startled him since he thought you were out like a light.

“Shh, just go back to bed babe, I’ll be on the couch,”

“You don’t want to sleep with me?” His heart broke at hearing how upset you sounded and he knew he had to fix this before you got worked up and started crying. He knew drunk you had a tendency to cry a lot and he had to work quick.

“What? No mama, of course I do I just didn’t think you would want me here with you. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay here with you. I wont leave I promise.” He came back over to his side of the bed and climbed in and soon found himself with you already draping yourself over him.

“Stay,” you mumbled into his neck, getting comfortable.

“Always,” he placed a kiss on the top of your head before pulling the blankets up to cover you both and went to bed feeling so glad that everything was going to be okay with you two.

#fic #mine #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan #dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #ethan dolan fanfic #dolan twins fanfic #ethan dolan fic #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fic

[nureyevapologist]

Hiyaaa, if you want an aftg prom still, pls consider: Neil coming home to his and andrew's apartment with one of his newest recruits, and they boy is beaten and battered and neil's first instict was to take care of him because no one ever took care of neil, and andrew's reaction to this! ❤

thanks for this!! i might have veered from the specifics a little and this is like, 70% a character study of neil and 30% Andreil Content but i hope this is okay!!

Neil Josten felt that he owed a lot to the idea of coincidences.

Coincidence was Neil taking an uncalculated risk on the Millport Dingoes the very same year that Riko Moriyama finally snapped and took the bones in Kevin Day’s hand with him. Coincidence was falling into the same orbit as the man who had watched Neil’s father slice a man like lunchmeat and coincidence was him being so single-mindedly focused on Exy that he didn’t notice Neil’s terrible dye job or the white ring around his contact lenses. Coincidence was Andrew Minyard being the single-most observant person Neil has ever met, and coincidence was Neil being forced into his field of vision.

Coincidence was also Neil here and now, stopping off at a convenience store to grab a packet of cigarettes and accidentally witnessing his potential new recruit fall victim to a heavy, parental hand. 

It had only taken one video on a grainy, digital camera to show Neil that this kid had the raw potential to be one of the greatest backliners Palmetto State would ever see. Not fifteen minutes into the footage had Neil shoved aside his other folders and said to Wymack, one thumb jutted at the screen, we have to have him. Wymack had shrugged, assented with a nonchalant you’re the captain, captain and the very next week saw the two of them riding out to Georgia in Neil’s shiny new Lexus.

(“Having a Pro Athlete for a boyfriend sure does have its perks, huh kiddo?” had almost gotten Wymack elbowed bodily out of a moving vehicle.

“Above your paygrade” in a smooth, Andrew-esque tone had Coach laughing for the next ten minutes of the drive, safe and unmoving in the passenger seat.)

So they had approached the boy, Josh, after hanging back in the shadows to watch his high school team completely demolish their opponents. Wymack had loitered, no doubt trying to catch the name of the opposition’s only saving grace, a furious offensive dealer, and Neil had attempted to look cool and friendly as opposed to cold and menacing.

Naturally, the kid told Neil to fuck off four times before Neil backed him into a corner and told him to stop squandering his future by being unnecessarily abrasive. There was something in the complicated ice of this boy’s eyes that Neil connected with, an innate fear that ducked for cover behind aggression and hunched shoulders. One minute he stood every inch his five feet and ten inches and the next, body folded in on itself like he was willing it to disappear, he looked to stand no taller than Neil himself.

“I don’t know what your deal is,” Neil had said, arms tucked across his chest with all of his patchwork scars on show, “but I come from Palmetto State. I’m not here to judge, or pry, or fix. I don’t give a shit about your tragic backstory, I give a shit about the way you single-handedly held up your team’s defense line and I give a shit about putting you on an NCAA Class I Exy team. If you can get over yourself for five minutes, I suggest you sign first and cry later”

Every fibre in this kid’s body twitched like he wanted to run and Neil was hit, not for the first time, with jarring memory of himself in this position, shadows of a dark locker room curling in around his ankles, Wymack promising a future he’d never stayed still long enough to know he wanted. Sentiment was lost on Neil, most of the time. Still, if his family of Foxes had taught him anything, it was that sometimes you had to save people despite them not wanting to be saved. At this point, that may as well be the Palmetto State Motto. Neil had given the kid a few hours to think on it. Go home, talk to whoever you need to talk to, think about it. Just remember that we did not drive out here for a no.

Wymack had, of course, grumbled about having to spend a few hours sweating my damn ass off in the pleasure of your company but had mellowed somewhat when Neil had taken him for a suitably greasy dinner and showed him how to use his new phone to FaceTime Dan. He had allowed himself a few moments to enjoy the scene; Wymack, his face far too close to the screen, cursing Dan out for not texting him all week because saying I miss you is too overrated. Dan, a pixelated blur of joy and exuberance, showing her father every single corner of her new apartment and zooming in on one Matt Boyd, tangled helplessly in the middle of an Ikea side table.

With Wymack occupied, Neil had called Andrew, who answered on the very last ring because he was a certified asshole at the best of times. “Am I to assume you will be elsewhere when I get to the dorms?”

Andrew always makes him feel so known. “I managed to pick another stubborn one”

“Yes,” Andrew says, his voice a slow rumble over the familiar, quiet growl of the Maserati, “because you were so quick to acquiesce”

“I might have been running to grab a pen,” Neil replies. Andrew doesn’t laugh, but there’s a puff of air that Neil recognises as amusement, and his own mouth curls. “I think I sold him, though. A few hours and I might finally have secured a backliner”

“You should hope so,” and then there’s a beat of silence and the tell-tale flick of a lighter, “because I refuse to listen to you whine about it all weekend”

“So you admit that you do listen, when I talk?”

“Absolutely not” and when the silence stretches for a beat too long, Neil lifts the phone from his ear and realises Andrew has disconnected the call. Typical Andrew, but now Neil’s fingers twitch to hold a cigarette and he distinctly remembers leaving them behind at the behest of Wymack’s disapproving frown. Beneath his thighs the sticky vinyl booth creaks in protest when he shifts his weight and he waves a round-about hand at Wymack before ducking out of the diner, knowing that Wymack will see him cross the road toward the convenience store and put two and two together.

It says a lot for how far he has allowed himself to sink into safety and familiarity and family that he doesn’t immediately notice the shouting. He’s caught up in realising his ID is somewhere in the glove compartment of his car and wondering if his sharp scars and sharper expression will dissuade the cashier from asking questions. Behind the front counter is a door, all peeling red paint and a half-hearted Staff Only sign, and the slight space between the door and the frame is the source of the noise. Neil has no interest in interfering. Neil has no interest in even listening to some inane disagreement between cashier and colleague, and is considering returning to the diner empty handed when he hears a sharp crack, followed by a sharper, you are never leaving me, Joshua, not ever and the unmistakeable sound of hands pummelling flesh. Something in Neil twitches to intervene but he isn’t stupid enough to walk into a small room with flying fists so, in a bid of panic, he thumps the bell by the cash drawer once, twice, three times.

A man appears from the back, face flushed the red of barely-swallowed anger, eyes a little wild and searching. Neil smiles something icy and the man is stupid enough to misread it. “Sorry ‘bout that, had’ta catch up on some paperwork in the back. What can I do ya for?”

There’s a moment where everything slows down and Neil files away details like his life depends on it. Blood, smeared across the knuckles of one large, meaty hand. A row of scratches, three raised and red, sit tucked against his chunky neck in an indication that someone had raised a hand to defend themselves. A gold ring, thick and faded, shaped to spell out DAD. Neil doesn’t know what makes him say it, but he opens his mouth to ask for a packet of Camel Blue and what comes out is “someone round the back is casing the place, you might want to check that out”

A self-righteous rage takes over the man’s expression, clouding his eyes and the twist of his mouth and he claps Neil on the shoulder as he passes on his way to the door. Men like him, Neil thinks, are far too predictable for their own good. Something like a memory tugs at his subconscious; Neil at age sixteen, dropping a similar line, waiting for the all clear to stuff his pockets full of food and hightail it out of there before anyone noticed. That, Neil thinks, was a far more sensible plan than whatever this was. He rounds the corner of the cashier desk, nudges the back door open with the flat of his hand and comes face to face with the cowering, crumpled body of his newest recruit.

The kid, Josh, is folded in on himself in the far corner of this office, schoolbag tossed a few paces away, face hidden in his hands. At Neil’s entrance he starts so hard Neil almost feels it like a physical thing and then his face does something complicated when he realises it isn’t his father; relief warring with shame warring with anger warring with hope. One of his eyes is beginning to blacken and there’s blood pouring from a cut in his eyebrow – the ring, the fucking ring – and from one side of a crooked nose. His wrist doesn’t look particularly healthy and the way he holds himself tells Neil that this is not a one off occurrence.

“What do you want?” asks Josh, and Neil has no fucking idea. There are scars on his skin from the hands of his father and the hands of his mother and there were long years of his life where he was so accustomed to being beaten within an inch of his life that he never stopped to think that maybe, he didn’t deserve it and maybe, it wasn’t normal and maybe, someone should have helped him. How many teachers saw his black eyes, his split lips, his bruised arms, and how many of them said nothing. How many strangers saw his mother grip his wrist so tightly that it popped, pulling him into a car or a hotel or an alley, how many men saw his father pummel him like a punch bag?

Without thinking about it too much, Neil holds out a hand. “I want to help you. I want you to come with me”

Josh scoffs, gesturing loosely to his face. “This is nothing compared to what he’ll do if he comes in here and I’m gone”

Neil frowns. “Look at me,” and he points to his own scarred face with equally scarred hands, “look at my face and tell me you don’t think I’ve survived worse than your piece of shit father. Come with me, now, and don’t ever come back. Let us help you”

And there it is again, the flurry of anger-fear-shame-hope. “Why?”

“You’re a damn good backliner,” Neil tells him simply, “and if you let that pathetic excuse of a man beat you any harder you won’t be, anymore”

Hesitation twists his features into something ugly. Neil knows that he has minutes, maybe seconds until the man outside realises he’s been set up. If Neil has to pick saving himself over saving this kid, he’ll probably save himself, but Josh drags himself to his feet and looks Neil squarely in the face. “If I do this…he will come looking for me”

“And he will find an entire team of angry, troubled Exy players who know their way around a racquet” Neil replies. “I can protect you, but we have to leave. Right now”

His jaw goes tight but he nods, once. Neil nods back and together they make their way toward the front of the store, Neil pushing ahead, body strung-tight with focus. Outside he nudges Josh ahead of him, watches him adjust his gait around a lopsided limp, reels in his anger for another day.

They reach the Lexus across the street and a voice from behind calls “Joshua, get back here this goddamn instant.”

Three things happen.

Josh, in a bout of incredible bravery, flips his father the middle finger and falls over himself to clamber into the back seat of Neil’s car. The father, in a bout of incredible anger, starts for Neil like he means to snap his head from his body. Wymack, in a bout of incredible exhaustion at the familiarity of a situation such as this, appears at Neil’s right shoulder and swings a right hook up and under the man’s jaw.

It sends the man on his ass and in a split-second shared glance, Neil and Wymack make the mutual decision to get the fuck out of there.

Over the course of their drive back to Palmetto, Neil explains the situation with their new backliner, Wymack assures Josh that he will be resolutely protected, and Josh leaks blood all in the fancy seats of Neil’s car. When it doesn’t seem like it will stop, Neil shucks off his hoodie and throws it at the kid, telling him to hold it fast to the wound – after a brief, whispered argument, Neil pulls over and hands Wymack the keys and throws himself into the backseat to try and assess the damage. The ring hadn’t cut his eyebrow so much as it had gouged out a chunk of skin and his nose and lip are bust but mostly dried up. There’s a patch of blood at his side, seeping through his white t-shirt, and he waves that away as split stitches. From what, Neil doesn’t ask. He tries to staunch the bleeding but succeeds only in covering his own fingers in the blood, and in the end Wymack has to drive them straight to Abby’s house.

“Abby is our team nurse,” Neil explains, while Wymack tries to parallel park a Lexus under a blanket of colourful curses, “she patches up sprained ankles but she also patched up every wound visible on my skin, so you can trust her. I can stay, if you want, or I can leave you in her capable hands while I go back to campus and make preparations for you. There’s a spare bed in one of the freshman dorm rooms, or you can stay with Abby, or you can sleep on my sofa. Whatever you need”

Josh tucks his arms around himself, bravado stripped for the day. Neil assumes it will come back, that things will be difficult, that the kid’s attitude will fling itself all over the place, but for now he’s looking at Neil like Neil just saved his life and Neil thinks he just might have.

“You can go,” Josh says, “I have more shit under here I don’t wanna flash to anyone but a nurse, right now. Uh, I don’t…maybe I can stay on your sofa? For a bit. I don’t…”

“Hey,” Neil interrupts, “you don’t have to explain. Sofa it is. Though, I should tell you, my…my boyfriend is visiting right now, and he isn’t the friendliest person you’ll ever meet-”

“Understatement,” Wymack interrupts, “fucking understatement”

“-but,” and Neil flips off Wymack, “as long as you don’t give him any reason to distrust you, you’ll be safe”

He watches the kid for a minute, waiting for something. Protest, anger, homophobia, acceptance. Instead he shrugs, tired, overwhelmed, and climbs out of the car. Wymack follows him out, with a parting jab about Neil’s use of the term boyfriend, and then Neil is left to drive back to campus alone.

Maybe it should be embarrassing that the sight of the Maserati fills Neil with a fuzzy sort of warmth but this past half-a-year has begrudgingly taught him that distance makes the heart grow fonder, or whatever, and that he should allow himself to recognise that he misses Andrew and likes it when he comes home.

Or maybe Bee had taught him that, but he wasn’t about to admit it to Andrew.

The man in question is leaning up against the hood of his car, sleek and sharp in his black jeans and leather jacket, one booted-foot propped against the license plate, a cigarette between his lips. He’s gotten broader, since Neil last saw him, bulkier in the arms and shoulders and if Andrew is feeling up to it, Neil wants to relearn the shape of him with his fingers, maybe even his mouth.

Andrew doesn’t look up when the Lexus pulls in, feigning a nonchalance the set of his jaw doesn’t quite convey, but he does look up when Neil steps out of the car and his face transitions from smooth to thunder so fast it gives Neil whiplash.

“What happened?”

Neil blinks and Andrew’s hands are on him, fingers tilting his jaw this way and that, skimming down the sides of his body, eyes roaming for injury. Neil belatedly realises that he has Josh’s blood on his hands, a little on his shirt and he curves his own fingers around Andrew’s wrists, meets his eye with a calm stare. “It isn’t mine”

“That,” Andrew says, shoulders settling away from tension, “is not as reassuring as you seem to think it is”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Had some trouble with the new recruit. He’ll be staying with us”

Andrew arches a pale eyebrow, studying the blood on Neil’s fingers with a calculated disinterest. Neil huffs. “His father was beating the shit out of him”

“Where is he now?”

“Abby’s”

Andrew studies him for a long moment. Then, “I thought taking in strays was my thing”

“Well,” and Neil smooths his thumbs down over the fine bones of Andrew’s wrists, “someone had to pick up the slack. I couldn’t leave him there. So many people must have seen my mother backhand me and no one ever stepped in. How could I-”

“Stop it,” Andrew says, and Neil stops. “You cannot take responsibility for every single person in the world. It will never make your mother un-hit you”

Neil flinches, but he knows Andrew is right. Still, “I can help him. I can help this one. I want to”

“Alright”

“Yeah?”

Andrew gives him a look. “What, were you asking my permission? Are we adopting this child together?”

Neil laughs, a new thing, tipping his head back, teeth slipping past his lips. “You don’t think we’d make good parents?”

Andrew steps close enough that one of his boots rests between Neil’s two sneakers, their hands still clasped between them becoming squashed between their chests. “I would be a textbook parent. You would be a nightmare”

“I resent that,” Neil tells him “We’re never having kids”

“Obviously”

“Cats, maybe”

Andrew blinks. “Cats? You’ve thought about cats?”

Neil shrugs, once, but can’t fight the smile spilling back onto his face. “We’re getting cats. You said yourself that you like taking in strays”

“No,” Andrew says, firm. “I do not like it. The last one I took in continues to test my patience, so I will not have another”

“I’ve been testing your patience for four years and you’ve yet to get rid of me” Neil reminds him, “I think you’re getting soft”

“I think I am getting back in my car and leaving you here” Andrew replies, allowing it when Neil’s hands wiggle up between their bodies to frame his face.

“I think you’re going to help me make use of my empty dorm room before a freshman backliner moves in onto my sofa”

Andrew doesn’t respond to this either way but he allows it when Neil stretches to press a small kiss to the corner of his mouth and he allows it when Neil takes him by the fingers and leads him into Fox Tower, and he certainly allows it when Neil peels him out of his leather jacket before the door is even closed behind them.

(Later, when Josh announces his presence with a tentative knock at the door, Andrew answers it. Neil watches them size one another up and then Andrew reaches up into his armband for a knife. “Use this on anyone other than your father,” he says, “and I will use it to remove your hands”

If the expression on his face is anything to go by, Josh has no idea what he’s agreeing to in taking that knife, but he does it anyway. Neil has to hide his smile in the collar of his newly-acquired leather jacket.)

#answered #prompt fills #andreil #fic

[tehnardier]

enemies to lovers headcanon — steve  harrington

you and steve had never really seen eye to eye 

his condescending pretty boy attitude went against everything you stood for and got under your nerves

besides, you were best friends with jonathan so you absolutely despised steve for breaking his camera and for treating him like shit

and steve didn’t like you because you’re the only girl who wouldn’t fall for his tricks and treated him like the asshole he truly was

in all realness, it wasn’t that steve hated you, he just felt intimidated and vulnerable around you (something that the king of hawkins couldn’t afford to be), so he treated you like he would treat everyone that dared step under his spotlight: with snarky remarks and rude comments

basically, you couldn’t be in a room together for less than 30 seconds without starting a screaming match

it all changed when you, nancy and jonathan tried to kill the demogorgon 

you had heard about steve and jonathan’s fight from nancy and couldn’t help but feel proud of your best friend for beating the shit out of steve harrington

nancy had also told you about the things that had been written about her on the marquee of the movie theater and you were so mad that once this demogorgon thing was over, you were ready to find steve and beat the shit out of him yourself

then steve suddenly arrived at the byers’ home while you were preparing for the demogorgon, asking jonathan for forgiveness and that completely took you by surprise

and the surprises didnt stop there

he stayed and helped you three fight the monster even though he had no idea what it was or why you were fighting it

and seeing him swing that nailed bat at the monster had made you feel things 

you knew you found steve harrington attractive and it wasn’t just because you hated his guts that you wouldn’t admit that

so you told yourself that those things you felt had been just pure and primitive sexual attraction towards steve, based on his looks and only on his looks

it was definitely not because you felt safe when he protectively put his arms in front of you and how your heart fluttered when he asked you if you were ok afterwards

the moment you decided you didn’t hate him anymore was when jonathan told you that steve and nancy had given him a new camera

after christmas break, you shallowed your pride and went up to steve to apologize

you reached a mutual agreement where you both would just try to forget the past and start over for the sake of nancy (who you had grown very close to after everything that happened)

during the following year you and steve somehow became close friends

not close enough that you’d hang out at his house or he’d hang out at yours, but close enough that you’d spend your lunch and free period with each other

it turns out steve was not the complete douchebag you thought he was, being actually quite thoughtful and sweet

the first time you hugged steve was at tina’s halloween party, when you saw him running out of the bathroom and didn’t think twice before following him outside

you grabbed his arm to stop him and ask what had happened but he just pulled you closed and hugged you

and you let him do it, putting your arms around his neck and holding him close

you didn’t know how long you held him, just that when you let him go your shirt was soaked with tears and steve’s eyes were red and swollen

after that, you made sure steve got home ok and made him promise that you’d be the first he’d call if he happened to not feel ok

you didn’t expect him to show up at your doorstep with flowers in his hands though

before you could question him, dustin also showed up and lead you to steve’s car, murmuring something about a code red and about you being his last resort while steve just looked confused but went along with it nonetheless

you and steve ended up having to help dustin capture some kind of creature that had eaten his cat

seeing steve with his bat again made the feelings come back and this time around you weren’t sure they were only sexual attraction

while steve is giving him relationship advice, the little shit dustin asked him how’d he ask you out and show you he was interested

“y/n’s different” steve answered him and didn’t say anything else

steve didn’t meet your eyes until he tossed you the lighter in the junk yard and ran out of the bus to face the demodogs alone

that was the moment you realized you had fallen in love with steve

you thought that was the last time you would ever see him and all you wanted to do was wrap him up in your arms and tell him how much you loved him

you did just that when the demodogs were gone and you were all safe, except you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words outloud

you hoped that a hug would be enough for now

a few hours later, when you were put in babysitting duty while the others were off to save the world, was when you could really think your feelings for steve over

those few minutes of peace were enough to make you admit to yourself that you had indeed fallen hopelessly in love for one steve harrington and there was absolutely nothing you could do about that

when billy got out of his car and saw you and steve standing in the porch, he immediately called you steve’s “new girl”

instead of denying, steve just put his arm around your front protectively (as he had in the year before with the demogorgon) and pushed you behind him

your first instinct was to throw yourself at billy the moment he dared to lay his hand on lucas

that didn’t end well for you because billy forcibly threw you off him, making you hit your head

you didn’t see steve angrier than he had ever been before and punching billy as if his life depended on it

the next thing you know, steve’s beaten up face is screaming bloody murder in your ear as billy’s car comes to a sudden halt next to the hole hopper had dug to the upside down

inside the tunnels, steve made sure to hold your hand and not let go of it in any circumstances, saying that the floor was slimy and he didn’t want you to fall

steve was scared to let you get hurt again after seeing billy knock you out cold

when you all got out of the tunnels safe and sound and everything was ok, you grabbed steve’s shoulders and smashed your lips with his (now you knew that a hug would never ever be enough) 

steve kissed you back just as fervently and wrapped his arms around you

you ignored the kids’ cries of disgust and you continued on kissing until you were out of breath and had to pull away

steve looked at you with nothing but astonishment and love

you were looking at him the exact same way

you breathlessly said your i love you’s at the same time, making you laugh in both relief and frustration about how long it had taken to get your shit together

in conclusion, imagine you and steve going from hatred to love with nothing but trust, respect and a knowledge that you’d follow the other to the ends of the earth if need be.

#this is really long oops #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington headcanons #steve harrington headcanon #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things x you #stranger things headcanons #stranger things headcanon #my headcanons #my-headcanons

[pinkwatchblueshoes]

Garvez Fluff

Just a little quick fluff that I desperately need to see but wont. Margaritas and Mix Ups Penelope Garcia told herself not again. After an intense but platonic relationship with her best friend Derek Morgan, she knew she couldnt care so deeply for another person when they could, and eventually would, just up leave her. Penelope often beat herself up for feeling this way because she loved Savannah and little Hank but her heart could only take so much after all the losses the team had gone through. She already had enough worry for her family and team as is. Newbie was trying his hardest to chip away at her "fluffy armor" as he called it. What killed Garcia was that she found everything he tried so endearing but she always stopped herself before she got in over her head. On top of everything SSA Luke Alvez was another gorgeous strong superhero, just like Derek, yet totally different. His smile knocked her off kilter, but a man like that would never look at a woman like her she lamented. After a particularly hard case Garcia was staying late to finish paperwork so she could spend the entire weekend focused on de-stressing and relaxing, NOT thinking about the young women of this case. She was pulled away from her computer screen with a knock on her lair door. "Still here?" A familiar deep voice asked. "Obviously." She snarked back but Luke only smirked at the feisty blonde. "I would ask if I could join you but you'd just say no so I'll just take a seat anyway." Penelope only snorted knowing he was just as stubborn as she was. When she finally finished up and shut down her computer and its many screens she found him intensely studying one side of her office that held pictures of friends and family, even hand drawn pictures from Henry. Garcia could see the sadness behind his dark eyes. Was this case just as bad for him? Or was he missing someone, his family? The offer flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself. "Do you want to go get a drink?" Luke turned to her surprised. "Really? I-I would love that." "Good lets go." Penelope grabbed her purse and Luke followed closely to the elevators. As they descended to the garage level in the elevator Luke's stomach growled loudly. "I'm sorry about that." He said embarrassed. "Do you think we could go somewhere with food also?" "Soo needy Newbie." Penelope groaned but smiled letting him know she was kidding. Little did he know she was starving as well. "Well lucky for you I know a little Mexican joint with the best margaritas and they serve dinner late." When they arrived the hostess recognized Penelope right away. "Oh Miss Penny!! So good to see you. Your table is available." Penelope blushed. "Come here often?" Luke chuckled quietly. Once seated the server arrived right away. "Your usual Miss Penny? Peach Margarita and the veggie fajitas?" Penelope's face got even redder but nodded yes anyway. The server turned to Luke expectantly. "You know what? That sounds delicious. I'll have the same." Luke turned to see Penelope's shocked face. "Hey it must be good if you come here often and have a usual. I trust you." Penelope couldnt stop the warmth that the statement "I trust you" put through her, even if it was just a food choice. Plus she knew Luke ate meat and drank beer so he was going outside his comfort zone for her. "So how is miss Roxy?" Penelope started with a subject she loved. "She's good. I'm leaving her at the sitter's tonight since its so late. She misses you though. I swear she knows who the dog cookies are from when I give them to her." "Well as long as she enjoys them I'll keep making them." Penelope said with a smile. There was a silence but Luke was just smiling at her, then the food arrived breaking the moment. The conversation was surprisingly easy and comfortable for Penelope. She laughed hard when Luke told her about helping out a older neighbor with some chores who then came on to him. Being the nice guy Luke was he was stuck dodging her advances until all the chores were done. "I think I like Mrs. Corgin." "Of course you would. You'd love anyone who gave me a hard time." "True." The teasing was light and fun. Penelope appreciated his sense of humor. But what really touched her was when they accidentally got on the topic of work and this last case, he listened patiently as she described having to go through the victim's lives intimately to only see them dead in the crime scene photos feeling like a failure for not saving them. Luke reached over and held her hand as she wiped her tears with her other hand. "Its never easy when we lose victims but I know those women will be remembered because of you Garcia. You are the most caring person I know and the heart of the team. You keep us going time and time again." Penelope just stared at him with awe. After a few minutes she realized they were still holding hands and oddly she didnt want to let go. As it got later the pair reluctantly parted ways. She left him with a quick hug because if she held on longer she might not let go. Penelope spent the rest of the weekend replaying the night and actually looking forward to Monday morning. When she arrived at work she put down her purse and coat in her office and headed to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. She saw Luke talking to JJ and Spencer but as she approached with a smile Luke's eyes grew wide. Even before Penelope could say good morning Luke mumbled gotta go and quickly left. Penelope visibly deflated but quickly recovered so JJ and Spencer wouldnt ask. The snuff hurt her more than she cared to admit. "How was your guys' weekend?" JJ told her about Henry's soccer game and Spencer rambled on about a new book he read and wrote a paper on for fun. Later that morning JJ visited Penelope in her office, she leaned against Penelope's desk and asked how she was. "Fine." "Uh huh." JJ wasnt convinced. "And how was your weekend? You left before I could ask." "Fine." "Okay spill." "Its nothing." "Its not nothing." "Oh yes it is. Clearly from Luke's reaction this morning, the completely meaningless dinner we had together was nothing." "Oh sweetheart." "Please dont oh sweetheart me JJ. I know. I know that I got my hopes up and I knew it was stupid to do so yet here I am again. A guy like that would never be interested in a girl like me. Dont worry JJ, I'll be fine." "You need to talk to Luke." Before Penelope could respond her computers and her phone chimed indicating a case. Penelope gave the team the details of the case. Prominent local figures were being kidnapped, killed, and left in public areas in Phoenix, Arizona. Penelope managed to ignore Luke, even when he asked a question she answered addressing the group rather than him. Prentiss closed the meeting with the traditional order of 'Wheels up in 30'. Penelope quickly headed back to her lair but with the high heels she was wearing Luke easily tracked her down. "Hey can I talk to you real quick?" "You're on limited time Newbie." She replied not looking him. "Garcia stop. Stop please." Luke gently put his hand on her elbow halting her. "Please listen. I want to apologize for this morning." "Why? Nothing happened." "Penelope look at me." Penelope did but showed no emotion except annoyance. "I, uh, well I just wanted to say." Luke stumbled over his words and rubbed the back of his neck. "Damnit I wanted to do this better." Penelope was now confused. "Luke its fine. You better get to the jet." "No its not fine. Let me explain. I ducked out this morning because you walked in on me talking to JJ and Spencer about our date." "Our date?" "Yeah well, no I mean it wasnt a date per se but I was wondering if we could go on one? Together I mean. A date." Penelope's confusion faded away to giddiness. She'd never seen Luke Alvez so inarticulate and it was because of her! "Are you asking me out, Newbie?" "Yes." Prentiss appeared down the hall. "Alvez, let's go." Luke looked bummed but moved towards the elevators. "Dont answer yet, just think about it." Penelope was sure she looked like a fish with her mouth gaping open. Later in the day after the team landed in Phoenix she got a text from JJ. -Told you. What are you going to say? -I'm so confused. -Why? Dont you like him? -Well yes but what was going on this morning? -Penelope you're a smart girl. He was embarrassed, nervous to talk to you. Now call him and tell him you'll go out with him when we get back. Even though Penelope had trouble believing that Luke Alvez was nervous around her she took JJ's advice, well sort of. She didnt call him, but he called her pertaining to the case. After she finished answering his questions about the victims' backgrounds she stopped him from hanging up. "Wait Luke." "What no newbie?" Luke chuckled nervously. "Were you serious?" "Very serious Penelope. Why do you think I've been trying so hard to get you to like me? I loved spending time with you just us Friday night. I have to admit I wish I wouldve been much more smoother with it all." Penelope finally let out a breath and laughed. "Well that was pretty bad." She teased. "Yes it was, but I'm glad you know now. Anyway I better get back to the team." "Hey Luke." "Yeah?" "I can't wait till you get back." Penelope couldnt contain her smile. "Is that a yes?" "See you soon Luke Alvez." "See you soon Penelope Garcia."

#garvez #criminal minds #penelope garcia #luke alvez #garcia x alvez #penelope garcia x luke alvez #fluff

[fmdxjerome]

hello people from old and new! naomi is back in action with her son jerome. i’ve been stuck in my sisters house for the last weeks of my absence because she went on vacation and i had to take care of a sick rabbit who peed everywhere. i might have a disease now at the amount he bit me but what can you do. im joking. you might ask “but naomi doesnt your sister have wifi” yes she do but i’m an anxious wreck so spending my days on a first floor apartment  with my sister on the other side of the world w an infected foot had me fucke d upppp boiii but now i’m back in my own home and my sister + her boyfriend are safely home!! foot all fine!! and everyone is calm again!! so!! i can return with a good heart. i’ll be sliding in the dms of the people who bear emoticon’ed me 600 years ago and bc i suck w introducing myself to new people i’ll just hi!!!!! i think when i wake up i’m gonna do a “bio reading” marathon as i write bc i need to appreciate. also shit i need more threads wow i suck might see me replying to some open starters and def need to get back to plotting bc there are some people i’ve been dying to thread with ;^;

its like 6am now so i might b heading 2 bed now but under the cut there will be a reintroduction to jerome (one i promised in januari i believe) as im rewriting his bio (no major things change really its just minor things nd its time for an upgrade) so yes! hello (ims will come tomorrow as well ;3;)

also fact. mullet daddy jaebum is jerome rn dont drag him dont @ him its gone before you know it. probs after idolized its a look tho wow i love- a chic farmer (... the short bangs are tragic tho jerome honey i kno u liked them on wren but ur not wren. jerome: but i- me: no. this this not this jerome: :( ok fine me: fuego 

anyway before i pass out here is reintroduction. the triggers are; adoption, racism themes??? like yeah ok!! apologize if this is shit. hope everyone is having a good day though you all are great!

Jerome Gauthier aka Yuddy

-Anti idol

-Has an okay reputation but that’s because he’s smart about things.

-BC eyeing him tho *eyes fake friends with good reputation for him to hang out with* (hmu for fake friend plots. funny the person w the best rep of all actually likes jerome. bless jisoos christ. guess that praying on knees worked out in the end huh jerome. /dont/ sainthood is waiting)

-Talented™. (ask him to write songs for you) (Actually have a few songs in my library i want him to write but not sing so *eyes*)

-Passionate as fuck don’t mess with him in the studio (passionate all over tbh)

-Adopted and in search of his bloodlines

-Hoe but not really

-Actually, scrap that. Nicknames him JerHOEme

-Is actually lovely

-But acts like a shit

-Slips up and is soft to people sometimes before being a complete and utter asshole the next second

-bc soft jerome whOMST i only know deMON

-Suave Fuckboy who’s nonchalant about everything

-French™

-Will call you baby at some point in your life

-Signature smirk

-Egotistic???? Narcissistic??? a lil bit don’t stroke his ego

-Secretive™. not much info on his time in france

-Secretly a dad without children (except for his actual biological son insoo aka chorizo sausage who he goes to play ball with- i mean work on songs in the studio. seriously catch him picking up his son from soccer practice i mean shit no i mean- ok insoo is really his son dont fight me on this.)

-And also has a daughter an Oriental shorthair cat called Edith who he is so soft with he kicks out girls to cuddle with her. (one meow and he’s home)

- we support WISH hating jerome in this household. please people who have girls in WISH dont let them like him (or be a rebel and go against the mothers wishes but you’ve been warned)

-Dont let him get in your pants too like ask wren you dont want that (or i mean with the list of kinks i peeped maybe idk who am i to say what your muse wants or does not want idk im just protecting people from satan)

-Unlikely he’ll get in any pants now anyway tho bc he a proud shopper at papa juliens pizza and y’all some other brand type ish domino lookin asses NAH *throws hands up* rome’s in the house (no but guys. this is his soulmate THIS IS HIM. dISgUStiNG- )

-In 2016 interview took him out of context and it looks like he hates all idol rappers but is not true. He just doesn’t like companies making rap out to be like this thing you can do if you’re pretty and you can’t sing and he doesn’t like it when said pretty idols know nothing of it. he gets the grind but will side eye (benjy nd jerome already have a rivalry bc of this shit thank u interviewer)

-Dating scandals?? EHH. He almost had one with a Japanese model called Momo in the beginning of his career but BC did well of spinning them as friends and he legit had one with his ex last october which?????????? shit she touched his *spoiler* and it was *spoiler* . BC about to ban him from fashion shows damn. yoonah and him have to go to paris fashion week quick

-BC has yet to force him into a relationship tho. but damn he gonna be angry when that ever happens yoo. 

-Studied to become a cinematographer. Now is annoying as fuck during recording MV’s bc he butts into everything (BUT thats why his his mvs so AESTHETIC. eye for beauty bois)

-Holler at ya boi if you want a nice mv he’s involved like that

-Also to the girls who have been in an MV with Jerome.. know he probably flirted with you between takes bc during he’s grade a professionalism but he still a ho

-Actual catlady no questions asked (he feeds stray cats and gets cut up by edith when she smells other cats on him rip)

-Actual wife material no questions asked (to quote the great Halit Yilmaz during that time Jerome stood in the kitchen for hours making baklava and other Turkish treats for Halit’s Eid al-Fitr: “Shit, Jerome if you were a girl i’d marry you in a heartbeat.” and its true. we would ALL marry jerome. who says no is lying. )

-Smooth™

-Ok the ego thing btw its weird its an act but hes weird about it dont ask

idk what else to write ok short rundown of his bio as again i’m writing a new one and i cringe every time i look at my old one. im probs forgetting a lot but EYO ITS 6AM WHO CARES

CHILDHOOD age 0 to 10

-Born to a single mom who got fucked over by a smash nd dash dad. (we side eye Ok Chanwook in this household.)

-Moms family discouraged her from taking care of him herself so putting up for adoption it is.

-Very emotional not ok mom boram cry a lot pls. (got v angry too like boi if she ever sees chanwook again he can change his name to no dick larry)

-Adopted by a French couple called Lucas and Daphné (previously named Annelies). pretty kool peeps

-JK racist assholes who fetishize jerome a lot. PLEASE. the yellow fever runs deep. take him away from them,

-Raised in a small town in France and knew 0 Asians growing up. so thats nice

-Loves his adoptive grandpa to death tho (who’s he named after u3u)

-Actually hates the rest lol

-Ok uncle Rémy pretty cool bc he laughs at teen!Jerome shit talking his parents and aunt Camille. She a sweety ;3; a bit odd but a sweety #stanauntCamille

-Basically the people on the Gauthier side and born from Jerome and Clemintine are ok, the rest is shit (except for his dad Lucas. He a Gauthier but he shit)

-Junior/Senior relationship w granpda ;3; “Pépé!!” “Junior!!” *tiny jerome swings around grandpa’s neck* LOVE

-Grandma passed when he was 9. (he loved her very much and would always show her his drawings on her bed ;-;)

-Hard time adjusting at first when he was a tiny toddler. had a lisp talking french. ;3; baby rome

-young jerome had a bad case of the abandonment issues he literally held onto his dads leg for like 30 minutes before the teacher finally peeled him away from him. my smol boi

-Elephants. remember this. is important. /sob

-TLDR; biological mom didnt want to loose him. adoptive parents and dad are fucks. grandpa is kool. jerome had a good childhood until he didnt. thank u ignorance

TEEN YEARS age 10 to 20

-middle school very nice

-j FUCKING KKKKK EMO JEROME INBOUNDDDD

-kids are mean. teens are mean. young!jerome v lonely

-honestly he had no friends. except for like maybe this one kid on his sport called mattheo but he kinda a weeb so uhhhh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-the time comes that he feels uncomfortable with everything korean. he already learned korean along side french and english when he was growing up but now distances himself from further learning. he clings to french culture a lot and even to this day he refers to himself as french and european, and rarely refers to himself as korean or asian.

-feels disconnected from both though. its like.. his parents took his korean culture away from him by using it for their own amusement. it was not his to have basically. and french- a lot of people around him give the vibe he’s not “allowed” to call himself fully french. they see him as korean, korean-french but never just french. he feels very misunderstood. lack of identity and just not fitting in

-around this time (or earlier i’m musing still) his cousin Antonin (moms side) kind of fell out on him. like. wow. not good. fucked jerome up a lil. (issues intensify)

-inferiority complex inbound/ is he ok? no he isnt. he starts writing to get his emotions out.

-Blessed Freddy rolled in teen jerome’s life like: guess we need to do history homework together jerome: aren’t you gonna make a ‘do my homework bc you’re asian’ joke freddy: why would i jerome:

-they bond over music, freddy is the one who gets him serious about getting into it (we thank our lord freddy for this gift of life we call singer/songwriter jerome. pray to freddy 10 times a day *srry jisoos christ but ur out*)

-literally young jerome would be a great soundcloud artist in this day and age. he was like joji meets rei brown with more of an rnb tinge. he liked ambient because it calmed him.

-in his old bio thats still up bc im a slow writer his old name was some dumb shit like l.only DUMB its romeles now (get it.. jeROME LESlie gauthier. im smart)

-OK IM GONNA GO QUICKER NOW

-eMO FOR A LONG TIME BC OF LONELINESS AND OTHERING FREDDY IS HIS BEACON OF HOPE WE LOVE FREDDY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!!!!!

-had a big ass fall out with his parents when he was around 15? was like “UHHH FUCK Y’ALL” and moved in with his grandpa (he was very disrespectful like damn boy but you know what. i support)

-best decision of his life because grandpa v lonely after his wife died and Jerome^2 is… so soft.

-Jerome dancing/singing to old tunes and being engrossed with old movies

-Learning how to cook ;3;

-I mean bc his middle and highschool were in Laval he spend a lot of his time w his grandpa already so he already had a bed and ;-; #jerome^2

-Halit rolls into his life. Braces, huge smile, lil prepubescent stash ohmygod. My child.

-BLANC is born. Freddy/Jerome/Halit’s musical trio. Stan the Three Musketeers

-Found his first best friend and a purpose in Freddy. Found a home in Halit. (sob)

-Finds solace in rnb and hiphop. People start noticing him because of it. Writes songs and performs them in café’s. Found his niche. 15 to 19 where his “best”  years

-THE BIG MOVE. After a concerned halit mom, a proud freddy mom and a “WHAT THE FUCK JEROME NO DONT GO” jerome mom they pack their bags and PARIS HERE WE COME

-Enter ex who haunts his life, Seo Yumi aka Marie (now model, v pretty, makes me cry)

-Spots her in the summer doing yoga in the park and boi he an assman so he got fucked up (jk he saw her face and was like wHAT love at first sight

-enrolls in film school, meets her there again and wow falls in love hard like wow calm down boy

-Dating~~~v possessive not good at ALL cALM DOWN JEROME

-ok he got his issues nd marie was the first one who openly listened to his problems and understood and made him appreciate his korean heritige bc she’s korean and showed him cultural aspects without the gross fetishizing that came with his parents and he just- he got intense ok. he already got a v intense personality so- still not good tho he needs to dial it down

-she thought so too and like after a year she was !!!! what the fuck. she is not one for serious relationships but jerome was like ehhh why not in the beginning its v nice to hear nd be seen as the most beautiful ok but then it got suffocating but instead of breaking up with him she kept him around. he a safe haven ya know. reliable. someone to built on later. *i wanna say she also didnt break up w him because his emo stories but marie,,, eh...* (funny tho like she got a thing for bad boys so she just “this is the fifth time you called me beautiful just degrade me lil like choke me idk” and jerome just “w-why would i do that you’re beautiful i dont want to hurt you” ah *looks into the future* ohhowthetableshaveturned.mp4 )

-Marie cheated on him the second she got the chance which was when jerome went to america w his bros

-Got offered a job as a songwriter when in ny. Wouldnt think he’d take it but after getting kicked out of school for beating the shit out of the guy marie cheated on him with and with marie out of the picture nothing held him back from starting a new life.

-TLDR; emo era. silver era. emo era 2 emo harder

ADULTHOOD age 20 to now

-Seoul make way for the rise of YUDDY™

-the name yuddy is from the film days of being wild. the character is kinda yuddy-ish too so he saw the film again and yep. thats my name

-Fuck_love.mp3

-Visits his orphanage. they like “nah boi u aint got no papers boi”

-Parents can give him access to his birthmother btw, aren’t doing it lol

-EMO

-Drinks. Sleeps around. Gets a reputation. You kno how it is. (gr8 ride tho. highly recommend. 5 out of 5 stars on yelp)

-SMASH ND DASH. Chanwook is that u??????

-One girl who he got with multiple times reminded him of Marie tho and that fucked him up for a bit (PSST ITS A PLOT WINK SO IF YA GIRL OF AGE IN THE 2013′S HMU BC ITS DRAMATIC HE GHOSTED THE SHIT OUT OF HER)

-Writes a lot of songs, a few for BC (knight baes). BC like *eye emoji* who dat boi who him iz

-Gets sign w BCreate and is like eyy life pretty good

-but lmao he debut and oh who’s that pretty girl promoting that lipstick?? oh.. its marie ;3;

-imfine.jpeg

-Joins main label and literally joins w a blessing stream limbo on spotify

-wgm era was a great era of jerome lmty his hair was great, shared cute personal things, manager was happy, slept with his best friend, was married to a sweet beautiful girl ya know the good stuff  👍 no im not crying you are

-triple fantasy era was awful we dont talk about that he looked like his brother and i’m still emotional about him wow. 

-instagram is a great song

-Interviewer: u mention an ex in ur song tell me more Jerome: *SWEATS*  

-Marie: my short hair DOES look pretty thank u babe ur red hair was cute too <3<3

-The fact she linked to him now is spook

-But ok he still flirty, still daring, still yuddy™ but definitely less of the whole “sleeping around” thing now bc he… he uhh closetoyou.mp3

TLDR; he turned into his dad but romeo is rising AND HE IS SCARED!!!!!

also never forget jerome is the messiest king in this ok non y’all are as messy as him. he fucked his ex’s friend oK THERE IS NOTHING MORE MESSY. dONT COME FOR HIS CROWN

#Writer Speaks. #ooc. { i dont want to reset the clock again it says 6am in this post its almost 7am i've been here since 4 i'm slower than usual wow } #{ almost 7 its 7.30 i got to stop ok } #{v sleepy now so!! goodnight talk to everyone in a few hours}

[mypersonalthoughtse30]

11/5/2020 9pm

Dear bub

I start this with a warning, this is my perspective and this is long. I have not decided If I will show you this. If you are reading this then well I guess I did, please read it all.

I cant find the strength to be what you need. Which kills me inside because I love you so much. I thought I was strong by holding things in and acting strong but I was wrong. I held things in; I should have told you about my depression.

I hit an all time low in my life around february, I thought I wanted to die for a little while. I could never bring myself to that, I would seek help but that doesnt stop on the worst of days having that thought. This all amplified by incessant alcoholism.

Then I got out of his house. Alot of pressure was taken off my shoulders. I may have left because it was gross but I didnt move in with you for any other reason then I love you and wanna be with you day and night.

You are my best friend and I love spending every minute with you. BUT I was still on a downward spiral. There was clear signs of extreme depression, I was unmotivated in every way: work, life, moving from the couch. You experienced it. You watched me drink myself into the ground. I had no control. I was losing myself and no one was realizing it but me.

Now let me tell you a side comment, I had a miserable childhood outside my home. I never fit in, I was bullied, while I am strong, it still did its damage. I was so deeply hurt by california that when I ran to Kansas it was alright. I went from millions within 30 mins of me to less then 100k. While I struggled initially in Kansas I made friends and was just happy to not be in socal. As I went through college I was not bullied this time by students but by our faculty. Not in the direct way but they made our lives alot harder ask mr Jones. By the time we met I resented kansas so much I prayed for relief.

Welp then we met. Really the first and only good thing to have come out of going to kansas.

Skip ahead, When I got back to my hometown I realized that all the cruel and evil people from growing up were distant memories, the amount I remember is lessened by the day. The amount of people here also means I'm heavily unlikely to even see these douches anymore. I was suddenly no longer angry at my home. While I had this sigh of relief and removal of stress, I inherently knew I was going back to kansas with you guys but, I realized I'm better off here healing. While kansas has become what california was to me.

I have been so fucking damaged this year that it was unfair to you. You didnt get the 100% package you deserved and so I felt i had to stay and get better. Many factors led into why i stayed tho. Alot of it was my family and I really needed their support and to be in therapy.

While i love you to death, theres something's only a brother's love can heal. I never wanted to stay this long but I was getting better. I was waking up and doing things. I was going out and finding motivation. I was starting to cheer up and heavily research a job, In texas. But none the less a job.

I have tried to save money but it is expensive to even exist here so I have maybe 200$. Not enough sadly. Honestly I hate that I wasnt helping but I was so broken. The thing is I am not telling you this for pity. I dont want to be pitied. I didnt lie to you about any of this. But like an idiot I pushed you away. I told you you couldnt help when you always did.

Wtf have I done. Honestly I am only smoking at night lately and since you left I've gotten drunk maybe 4 times. When you dumped me I said I was going to get high and drunk, but I just sat there and stared at my tv not turned on for an hr after. I knew what happened and that i caused it trying to help myself and i began to feel alot of shame in myself. Shame because I was trying to help myself and I felt Its what I got for being so self absorbed. Then I felt shame for mucking up such a good thing.

Needless to say our break up has hurt me, I lose my breath in anxiety when I think of what has happened and I just hate it.

I figured because I am writing out my perspective, that I would express my apologies for some things I feel I did or said that was inappropriate or awful of me.

Boob job and boobs jokes

I love your body I never should joke about it I need to stop. This also targets all other body comments I shouldn't do that to someone I love.

Wedgies wet Willie's and spanks

While I was being playful it got excessive but alot of this was a cry for attention. I was just trying to get you to tackle me and hug me I was so sad inside. I was screaming internally, save me.

The many times I said I'd finish your car and didnt.

Honestly this was alot of the depression and lack of motivation destroying me. I literally didn't have the will power. I'm sure if you look back you'll notice sometimes I'll have a good day and get alot done then 3 days of nothing and it was me have a good day for once.

I feel bad about many of my jokes and If I ever get the chance would like to work on changing my troll behavior, I think it is partially a side effect of depression though I am to blame.

Now, while neither of us want marriage, I always wanted to maintain a relationship and bond between us that was as strong as marriage. I thought we did but I was wrong. While I dont want marriage it's not actually for the reasons I openly say. I just say them cause they're funny and partially true I guess. I plan to take alot of financial risks in the coming years and do not want to risk my partners way of life. I usually blame divorce or how miserable people are or what not. Believe it or not there was a time I really wanted to get married and there will be a time again but I am not at that point in my life just like you arent which is something I always felt helped our relationship so much. It allowed us to really focus on each others soul and not just be together but to actually enjoy each others presence was something that is once in a life time.

I keep writing. If I'm not careful I will end up with a novel. If I showed this to you: I love you Emily. I want to talk to you but I do not have the words to express why I have done what I did. That is why I have written this. I felt I could Express myself better in a written form.

Whether we get back together or never talk again I wanted you to know that you are amazing and I didn't stay here because I felt else wise.

Love,

Me

I am very afraid for what lies ahead right now.

[svtthename]

for anon who requested something super fluffy about vernon and his long distance girlfriend. i had so so much fun writing this and may have gone a lil overboard, but im still excited. i hope you like it! (also, sorry for any typos or weird grammar errors, i still need to do a lil bit of editing but i didnt want you to wait too long before i posted it <3)

genre: the fluffiest fluff

word count: 1,256

warnings: none <3

     It was early. It was cold. You were tired. Honestly, by this point, the only thing you wanted was food that wasn’t from an airplane, but you still had 3 hours to go. Staring out the window at the perfect, fluffy clouds eventually got boring, so you shut your eyes and tried your hardest to get another nap in. When you woke up again, the plane was just about to land. It took you a second, but once you came to your surroundings, your heart jumped. You were gonna see him again. Biting back a grin, you waited patiently for the plane to land, and once it did, you were desperate to get back on land. Coming out of the airport and into a taxi, you had realized a terrible mistake in fashion. Where you lived, it was really warm, but it was still chilly in Korea. You wrapped your arms around yourself and hoped that the dorm the boys stayed in was relatively close. To your relief, the taxi quickly made it to the dorm where your boyfriend and his 12 band mates lived. Biting back nerves and any fears, you swallowed, and raised your hand to the door. A couple short knocks seemed to echo inside until the door opened to a very shocked Seungcheol. Before he could say anything, you interrupted him, praying that he wouldn’t ruin the surprise. 

     “Please, don’t be too loud. I want it to be a surprise,” you said, in very broken Korean (hey, you were trying.)  His face lit up and a quiet ‘aww’ escaped his lips.      “What should I do?” he asked quietly, stepping outside and shutting the door almost completely. You thought for a moment before responding in an equally hushed tone.

     “Could you go get him for me? Don’t say it’s a surprise or anything, just say there’s someone here for him.” You replied, beaming (and still in pretty bad Korean). He nodded, still smiling, and disappeared back into the dorm. You had a little bit of time before he got here. In that time, your heart started to swell just thinking of being with him again. The thought of being in his arms, soft kisses in the middle of the night, telling each other stories to make the other one giggle, playing video games under mountains of blankets… everything about spending time with him made you happy. 

Your train of thought was cut when you heard the door opening, and before you could say anything, you were engulfed in a bear hug. Vernon’s arms wrapped around your waist, making you feel safer then anywhere else in the world. You buried you head in his neck and breathed in. Oh, how you missed him. The two of you barely moved and said nothing for almost 3 minutes. You were just glad to be together again. Overwhelmed with emotions, tears threatened to fall. A few escaped and rolled down your face and you let out a short laugh. Finally, Vernon pulled away from you. One hand lingered on your waist, but the other rested on your cheek, letting his thumb brush away any escaped tears.  

     “Is everything okay?” He asked with a light, delicate smile packed full of emotion that you could never put into words. The sight of you crying broke his heart, even if it was happy tears. He loved your smile too much. You laughed and rested your hands on the back of his neck, practically cradling his head and bringing it closer to you. 

     “It is now,” you replied, pulling in for a sweet, chaste kiss. He eventually pulled you inside, but not without several more kisses. The members all soon were crowding around you, each giving you a bone-crushing hug. Each hug was great, and you loved your friends, but none of them could compare to Vernon’s. After all, even if he was your boyfriend, he was your best friend too. 

     After several minutes of loud chatter and catching up, Vernon ushered the others out of the room, so you two could spend some time alone. Upon hearing this, Seungkwan raised his eyebrows and gave you (what he thought was) a knowing smile. You shot him a glare. Vernon shot him a glare. Seungkwan stuck his tongue out jokingly. It was all around an odd exchange.

     Everyone was finally gone, and Vernon pulled you into a hug once more. But this one… this one was different. While just 30 minutes earlier, his hugs were engulfing you, and strong. Now, he held you as if you were about to break. His touch was so delicate and so soft. In his eyes, you were everything. You were his entire world, and he could never let anything happen to you. The way he held you, his hands rested so softly on your hips and softly pulling you into his chest, never failed to make you smile. He rested his head on yours, and you could be his chest rumbling when he spoke softly. 

     "You have no idea how much I've missed you," he said, "I'm so happy you're here that I could start crying." You giggled. 

     "Please don't... because then I'll start crying, and it'll just be a mess." 

     "I won't, it's okay." You could hear the smile in his voice. You slightly pushed yourself away so you could look at his face. God, he was so beautiful. He seemed sometimes like a real angel sent to protect and love you. So kind, so funny, supportive, energetic, understanding. So beautiful, with gentle features carved perfectly into his golden skin. Nothing could measure up to how much you love and adored him.

     "What you you looking at?" He said, teasing you. 

     "Nothing..." You hummed, kissing his nose. He raised his eyebrows, giving you a classic Meme Look™. Staring even longer into his eyes (that you could get lost in forever) made you practically lose it, you loved him so much. Laughter started building up in your chest, and you couldn’t help but let it tumble out of your lips. Vernon joined in, and the refreshing noise of both of your laughs echoed down the halls of the dorm. To add to the madness, Vernon’s fingers danced around your stomach, tickling you relentlessly. Your laughter turn into shrieks as he easily (and rather impressively) slung you over his shoulder, only to toss you down on the near couch. As soon as you hit the softness of the couch, his hands returned to your sides. The laughter never ceased between you two. Sadly, both of you got tired fast. To no-one’s surprise, you ended up cuddling on the oh-so-familiar couch. Putting on both his and your favorite show, you prepared to be stuck there for a while.

                                                      ooo

     It was 7:15 in the morning when the rest of the boys sleepily stumbled in. Their hushed voices soon turned into soft laughter and a small chorus of ‘aww’. You had fallen asleep with you head resting on Vernon’s chest, and his arms tightly wrapped around your torso. Judging by his undisturbed and heavy breathing, Vernon was still asleep.

     “Wake up lovebirds~” sang a familiar voice. Vernon mumbled something that you couldn’t understand before realizing what was going on. Seungkwan let out a loud laugh and said something in Korean that you didn’t understand. Vernon jumped up and lunged at Seungkwan, all while Seungkwan continued laughing. More and more laughter built up from the members witnessing the strange ‘fight’ (if you could even call it that). Your boyfriend was such a dweeb, but a dweeb that you loved with all your heart.

#request #vernon #hansol vernon chwe #hansol vernon choi #dating hansol #dating vernon #seventeen #seventeen imagine #vernon imagine #hansol imagine #seventeen fluff #vernon fluff #vernon x reader #hansol x reader #seventeen x reader #vernon scenario #hansol scenarios #seventeen scenarios

[dracimalfoy1988292]

3

Allison Mayhem24

"Wake up!" Hermione shouted while shaking me out of my deep sleep, causing me to jump slighlty. I looked at my watch realizing it was 8:45 am. Class began in 15 minutes. "We slept in!" She gasped. I quickly jumped up and out of the bed and threw on my robe. I put my wand in the side of my boot and quickly did my makeup to the best of my capabilities with the limited amount of time I had. The two of us quickly rushed down the stairs, and past the Gryffindor common room. We hustled as fast as we could to our first period, Defense Against The Dark Arts with Snape, of course. He finally got what he had always wanted, to teach DADA, which made me despise one of my favorite classes, making one more thing to be disappointed about this year. As we hurried down a corridor, I looked down at my watch.96

"2 minutes!" I shouted as we rushed past the Great Hall. But before I knew it, I was on the ground with my books scattered all around me. I looked up to see a grim face staring down at me, with a smug smirk plastered all over it. "What the hell, Malfoy?" I shouted, standing myself to my feet, as Hermione helped me, shooting him a dirty look as well.42

"Sorry, Mayhem. Didn't want to make you late." He scoffed with a wicked grin. I noticed Blaise standing nearby, smirking to himself.66

"You got something to say too, Zabini?" I shouted at him, as he lifted his hands up in surrender, still smirking slightly. Hermione handed me my things after gathering them from the floor. "Get bent." I rolled my eyes to the two of them, as Hermione grabbed my wrist and we continued hurrying to class.150

"30 seconds!" Hermione shouted as we could just barely see the entryway. I felt like this was the most exercise I had done in months, so I couldn't help but feel out of breath. And finally, right at the last second, we dashed in. A feeling of relief washed over me, as Hermione gave me a quick low five. Before suddenly, our excitement was let down within a matter of moments.21

"Late." The eerie voice greeted us. I was still trying to catch my breath, as I bent forward, with my hands on my knees, breathing in slowly, and out. Maybe I really should start watching how much food Ron and I try to eat in one sitting.10

"By like, one second." I finally muttered in rebuttal, as I looked up and noticed how the voice I had heard, turned into a face, and that face turned out to be Severus Snape. Of course, story of my life, am I right?78

"What was that, Mayhem?" He asked, stepping forward slightly. I couldn't help but smirk. He just made it too easy for me to not be scared of him. I mean, he really thought he could make me intimidated but I knew that sometimes I intimidated him more, by being the only student who had the courage (and the balls) to say my mind. "Take your seats." His voice echoed, in a clear tone of annoyance, but hey, at least he wasn't arguing back. So Hermione and I quickly found our seats, as we were told to. The class was boring, of course, since Snape was teaching. What makes matters even more worse is the fact that Draco is in this class, and he just showed up about 20 minutes late and Snape didnt even say a thing about it.98

"Pst," Harry whispered from behind me as I turned to face him, wondering what he wanted so bad, knowing we will get chewed out if Snape hears us. "Are you trying out for Quidditch again?" He continued, clearly hoping for a yes.18

"I'm the best chaser you've got. Of course I am." I winked playfully. He smiled in response and went back to his notes. I turned back to face the front of the classroom but instead, I was faced with Snape 3 feet away from me. He really could not leave me alone.89

"Are you done chatting up Mr. Potter, Mayhem?" He asked in a sarcastic tone.53

"Yes, Severus." I smirked, knowing I definitely was in for it now. He just made it too easy. His face now turned a dark red and I could see the metaphorical steam blowing out of his ears like the Hogwarts Express.265

"Detention." He said sternly, standing himself straight up, and turning his back to me. You've got to be kidding.14

"What?" I gasped. "For calling you by your name?"168

"Make that double. I will see you after dinner, Mayhem." He snickered. I was so tempted to shout out how my mother would just love to here that he was giving me detentions on the very first day. But I held it back because that would be involving deatheater business. And people obviously can't know that our families know each other.90

The day dragged on, as I was now not excited for it to end. As classes passed, and supper came and went, I found myself walking down to Snape's office, with Ron, thankfully, escorting me there, walking me all the way. He really was the best.61

"He's a bloody psycho." He stated, with a shake of his head. "I mean, you were brilliant though." He proceeded to laugh, as I quickly remembered the snarky remarks I couldn't help but make.25

"I deserve it." I shrugged, as I reached my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "See you at practice tomorrow?" I continued to ask, cocking my head slightly to the left.105

"Bloody right, you will." He nodded with a large grin on his face as I waved and let myself in to Snape's office. The familiar pale blonde sat right up front and I realized that this night couldn't get any worse. He turned to face me and I wanted to stab myself with my wand. Snape, Draco and I. All in one room after spending the whole summer basically together. And that just sounds wrong within itself. But, Draco's smug look just fueled the fire within me. I've never held so much dislike for someone before.215

"Are you going to sit?" He whispered to me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes and do as he asked, making sure I distanced myself far from him. But I couldn't help but wonder what he did to land himself in this room as well.19

"You both are being reckless fools." Snape said as he came from around the corner. "And you, Mayhem, will be taking the next train back to your estate to find out your assignment." He informed me and I couldn't help but let out an irritated groan. It's been one day, and I'm already being assigned to things, when I'm not even a death eater yet.11

"And when would that be?" I leaned back, in question.1

"Tomorrow." He stated simply, as I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.5

"Oh. Definitely not. I have Quidditch tryouts." I insisted. They both looked at me like I had just found out how to use the Lumos spell like a first year.26

"You think the dark lord will pause everything just so you can play some game involving sticks and balls?" Draco spat, clearly trying to make it sound more sexual than it obviously was. I rolled my eyes and he winked at me with a smirk plastered across his face, causing me to make a gagging noise in the other direction.357

"I hate you." I snapped at him only making his smirk widen into a full blown evil grin.21

"I can not handle children." Snape shouted. "You will meet with the dark lord tomorrow! No exceptions!" He demanded, as I quieted down, surrendering. "Now go, before I report back to both of your parents." He threatened. As if that was so intimidating, considering the fact that I defied my parents so much at this point, it'd be odd if I hadn't. So I stood up, and began walking back to the Gryffindor corridor. My mind was racing a million miles a minute. I felt my body shake slightly with anxiety and nerves. Why am I being involved in this death eater business? I wasnt even one yet, and my parents know I don't take orders very well. I mean, what possibly could Voldemort want with me?73

"Mayhem!" A voice broke my inner rambling, as I turned to see Draco had been following the entire way.33

"Dungeons are that way." I rolled my eyes, pointing behind him.4

"Mayhem, seriously," he began but I didn't have time for his games. I just wanted to sleep.1

"What?" I snapped.1

"We need to talk. When you get back from your meeting, meet me in the room of requirement." And with that, he walked away, leaving me in the hall, curious as to what he could be wanting to talk about, as I had nothing to say to him. I continued on, as I finally arrived to the Gryffindor common room, and walked up the stairs to my room. Hermione was laying in the dark, with a candle lit, reading yet another book when I opened the door.101

"How was it?" She asked, refusing to remove her eyes from the pages as I fell into the bed across from her in defeat.4

"Miserable." I groaned as I threw the sheet over my head and buried my face, miserably, into the pillow below.4

"That bad?" She laughed a little. I nodded with yet, another dreadful groan. "Well, goodnight, Allison." She told me as I rolled to my side and smiled at her.6

"Night, Hermione."

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 48

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: i know my last chapter didnt get many notes but the chapter is ready so why not post it you know? sex is vanilla again. thought it was cute. sue me lol. theyll have kinker sex dont worry hahaha! i would LOVE to know what you think of the characters and their reactions and stuff. so please, message me!

here are the requests for this chapter! for the instagram one, i changed it a bit because i dont think her character would want to be in the spotlight like that i hope its ok! also i had already talked about their first time and such so I added the others :)

Chapter 48 : His chapter

NIALL

"Oh my god! Look at you flirting with that woman like she's not 30 years older than you!"

I started laughing and let my head fall back slightly. My arm was on the couch's back right behind her head and I brought it closer, pulling her to me by her neck.

"Is that the tone you use when you're jealous?"

I noticed her nose raise up in a grimace but she kept staring at the tv, making me laugh even more. For some reason, Olivia wanted us to watch old One Direction interviews, pretending it would help me for the ones I had planned in the next few weeks. It didn't really help, all it did was make us laugh and I had to admit it was quite entertaining and I was pretty sure I had never watched most of them.

"It was tough watching interviews back then." she admitted, raising a shoulder. "Especially the older ones. You were such a horny kid."

I frowned slightly at her comment. I could hear a lot of pain but also a bit of blame and it bothered me. I was young, I was newly famous and not shy at all. Of course, I was a bit stupid and I tried to be funny but out of all the people in the world, I thought she'd be the last one to comment on it.

"I just enjoyed flirting." I let out, shrugging too. "I don't do that anymore."

It took her a few seconds but she turned my way, staring at my profile.

"How many times did it work?"

I frowned, still looking the old 60 minutes interview we did a few years ago playing on screen. Did I really want to have this discussion?

"What are you asking?"

I held my breath and turned to her, noticing how painful it was for her to ask me something like that. I felt my annoyance falter a bit but not leave completely.

"How many girls did you have sex with?"

We had never talked about that before. I thought about asking, especially when we started dating, but I was scared it would start shit between us. When I was younger, I didn't mention my stories mostly because I didn't want to hear hers. Now that I think about it, it was probably out of jealousy, too.

"Liv, please-"

"More than 10?"

I stared at her a few seconds and nodded a bit. I watched her lick her lips and breathe in and nervously, I felt my fingers play with the fabric of the couch. I hated this, it could only turn wrong.

"More than 20?"

I could feel myself getting angry and I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. I didn't know why I was so touchy, it was not in my nature, but perhaps the way she asked me didn't help. It was not just a casual conversation, there was clearly a reason why she asked and I suddenly regretted that we never talked about these things before.

"20 sounds about right." I just said, impatient to talk about something else.

"That's more than twice my number."

We remained silent for a few seconds and I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Am I supposed to answer something to that?" I just wondered a bit rudly. "I don't know what you expected Olivia, but clearly you're delusional. I've had a lot of opportunities it's true, and no of course I didn't jump on all of them, but you don't ask an 18 year old boy to be reasonable after being thrown into fame. I don't think you can really understand what it's like."

I shook my head and sighed louder than needed before getting up a bit roughly. I felt her fingers wrap about my wrist and stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry."

I stayed motionless, standing up with my eyes closed as her fingers pressed around my wrist more.

"I'm just scared. And insecure." she added low as i felt her fingers slip and free my hand. "I don't understand why you're dating me, Niall. You could date so many girls or just fool around with anyone you want. But you're here with me and it just makes no fucking sense to me. So when I see how things used to be for you, it scares me for the future and at the same time, it reminds me how much I cried during those years."

I sighed and slowly sat back down next to her, still not being able to look at her.

"Why did you propose we watch that then?"

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed her looking down and swallowing. I couldn't pretend I knew how she felt, not now and not back then, but I was dating her now, I had been dating her for over 9 months. The fact that she was still doubting me... doubting us, was tough to accept.

"I thought i'd be okay, I thought since you were next to me, holding my hand, that it wouldn't bother me." she explained in a low and ashamed tone. "I was wrong."

I sighed again and rubbed my eyes before getting up again. Her head shot up quickly but I just held my hand out to her. It took her a few seconds but slowly, she slid her palm against mine and I pulled on her hand, helping her get up.

"Let's go outside, okay?"

She didn't say anything, she just let me bring her outside, in the backyard. I took my socks off after letting go of her hands and sat on the side of the pool, putting my feet in the water and waited for her. It took her a few minutes but I still didn't turn to her. The night was calm and warm enough, especially for late september, and I looked down at her feet moving slowly in the water.

"At the lodge, I saw you and Harry making out naked on the side of the pool. It made me very jealous, even if I didn't really realize it back then. Not really because you two were having sex, but mostly because he had your full attention, and I was so used to have it all for myself that losing it was like a slap in the face." I admitted, licking my lips. "I'm not saying I know how you feel, Liv, or how you used to feel. I just think that holding on to that is changing you and stressing you for no reason."

"Maybe."

She didn't comment on the part about Harry and I closed my eyes.

"The first date I ever went on was with a girl from school." I added low.

"Grace, I remember."

"The whole time, all I could think about was kissing her. I didn't care about anything else. I was young, I can't even remember if I liked her, but I wanted my real first kiss and it's all that mattered." I made a pause and sighed. "Then I had girlfriends when I was a bit older, and then I joined One Direction and met other girls. And whenever I hung out with them, I was never jealous, I thought 'hey if it doesn't work then it wasn't meant to be' and that's it. I didn't expect it to last because I didn't want it to last. I had nothing to lose. I thought about sex and having fun."

I turned to her and sighed louder when I noticed tears falling down her cheeks. I moved my body her way slightly and shook my head.

"Olivia, why are you crying? I'm trying to tell you that it's different with you. I care about you. And the first thing I thought of when it came to you was not sex, it was not kissing you. It was making you happy, it was how good I felt around you. Why would you cry for that?"

"Because you seem to forget that I was there, Niall. I saw you with these girls. I cried myself to sleep because I desperately wanted to be in their shoes. My first kiss was with a guy at school who was harassing me to go out with him and when he kissed me, all I thought about was you. The first time I had sex with Rian I wished it was you. Every single decision in my love life seems to have been related to you. I'm not blaming you, it's all on me, but its still not easy for me."

My eyes roamed on her face and I watched her wipe her tears and sniff a few times before clearing her throat.

"We both need to make efforts. You can't spend all your time asking questions about my past that's gonna hurt you, you know."

"I'll work on that." she whispered. "But you're gonna have to be patient with me."

"Okay."

We remained quiet again for a while, just looking at the lights of the pool shining on the water. I knew I should reach for her hand but I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Remember the first time we got drunk together?" she asked with a chuckle, moving her feet a bit more vigorously and making the water move around her. "You were so cute, and so damn tactile. At some point I was so close to tell you that I loved you that I got scared and hid in the bathroom for half an hour."

I smiled at the memory and chuckled.

"You were so dramatic and I didn't even know!" I let out, making her laugh too. "I don't know how you kept it inside for so long."

"Fear of losing you." she shrugged. "I just looked at you, both of us totally pissed, and I thought 'everyone wants a piece of him but he's with you right now, don't ruin this Olivia'."

"You were cute, you had that really high ponytail. I remember because whenever you'd turn around, your hair would brush against my arm and I was so drunk it made me shiver every time."

My eyes found hers and she was not smiling anymore. Her lips were parted and her eyes were glued to me. I raised my eyebrows and moved my face closer to hers.

"Yes, I remember things. Not the same things you remember, and maybe not for the same reasons, but I do remember things."

Slowly, she pressed her lips together and they curled as she kept looking at me.

"I love you, Niall."

I moved my upper body over hers, forcing her to move down on the hard cement but she didn't complain. I placed both my hands on each side of her chest to hold myself over her and bent down to kiss her.

"I love you too." i answered, moving up to a bit to look at her.

Her eyes traveled on my face until my lips and she licked hers.

"You said you'd make love to me whenever I'd want." she whispered so low i barely heard. "I really want it now."

"It's not really comfortable." I pointed out, the right corner of my lips moving up.

"Then you're gonna have to be extra gentle with me."

I nodded and sat up, immediately reaching for the hem of her sweatpants and she moved her butt up to help me. She brought her feet off the water and placed them on the ground, her knees up, and my eyes roamed between her legs as I let out a low groan. I took my shirt off and didn't even react when it fell in the pool. It made Olivia chuckle and I just moved gently over her, placing myself between her legs.

One of her hands ran on my chest as I pressed myself against her. I felt her grind up slowly against me and bent down to kiss her. I could feel myself get harder with every move of her hips, even if she was barely moving and I let my lips brush on her jaw and down her neck.

"You should keep your shirt on, I don't want your back all scratched."

I brought my mouth back on hers and I noticed her lips curling in a fond but amused smile.

"You don't want to see me completely naked?"

"Don't be silly." I chuckled again, glancing down and noticing her hard nipples through the fabric of her shirt. "I really fucking do. But you don't need to be naked to turn me on."

She smiled more and I moved down on my elbows, moving her head up gently and placing my hands under it to make sure her head wouldn't rub against the cement.

"Are you sure you want to try it here?"

She didn't say anything, she just kept looking at me as her hands moved between us. One of her palms pressed on my cock and I groaned low. She started nibbling on her bottom lip, slowly pulling my pants down and I pushed myself into her. I was surprised at how wet she already was and how easy it was for us to do this, like our bodies just seemed to fit perfectly together.

"I love you."

I bent down again, kissing her as I started thrusting in and out of her so slowly that I could feel everything incredibly well. So well that it brought sensations in me that I hadn't felt before. I felt impatient and my whole body throbbed even more than usual. It was definitely different than what I was used to but I loved it. I could really see all of her facial expressions and ended up letting out a very low curse word when her lips parted and her eyes fluttered close. I watched her as she moved her chin up and I could feel the back of her head rubbing slowly against the palm of my hands, making a mess of her hair. She looked amazing, all fucked beneath me, and it made me realize how much I loved her.

"I love you too." I whispered back. "So much."

"Just me?"

My movements faltered and her eyes opened slowly. I stared at my best friend, laying under me, and I thought of all the things we went through together and all the things we'll go through together too. I thought about our friendship that turned into love, I thought about us when we were young, I thought about everything I missed with her and everything I lived with her, and I could swear I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Yes, only you."

Her hands traveled on my back until my ass and she let out a short whimper as her thighs pressed on my side to keep me close. I could feel my elbows and the back of my hands hurt from rubbing slightly on the cement but it was really the sharp pain in one of my knees that made it worse. I tried to push it out of my thoughts to focus on her and when she arched her back and started shaking, I knew she was cumming.

"Oh god Niall... I.. I'm..."

I tried to keep my movements slow and steady but it was pure torture until I felt an orgasm reach me. I felt it coming and held my breath as my eyes closed and I groaned again as it spread inside me slower than normally. I could feel it until the tip of my fingers and in my toes and when I came down from my high, I blinked a few times.

"I'm literally seeing spots." I let out with a short laugh.

"Me too." she chuckled just as my sight was getting clear again.

I looked at her laying under me and sighed. Now that it was over, I was more aware of the pain and I grimaced. I let myself roll on my back next to her and she moved her upper body over me with a frown.

"You okay? You're not bleeding are you?"

I brought my hands up to look at them and shook my head.

"I'm sorry." she added, raising her nose up. "We should have tried on the grass. Do you need ice or something?"

"And pizza." I pointed out with an exaggerated pain expression, making her laugh.

"Alright i'll bring all that in the living room."

She was about to get up but I put my hand on her thigh to stop her, my fingers brushing gently on her skin.

"Wait." She stopped and turned to me. "These girls, they mean nothing. You need to trust me."

She sent me a sad smile and shrugged a shoulder very slowly. I was tired to fight and I was scared it would ruin things between us.

"I'll try."

                                                         ---

I was driving the first time I heard 'This Town' on the radio and she was sitting next to me. I didn't know why but I felt incredibly lucky that I was not alone, and even luckier that she was the one with me. Her face illuminated and she let out a short scream, making me smile even more. I parked on the side of the road and she threw herself in my arms awkwardly since we both still had our seat belts on and we looked at each other the whole time it played until the very end.

"This is so fucking good Niall i'm so proud of you!"

I cupped her face and brought her closer a bit roughly, crashing my mouth against her and making her laugh. She grabbed the front of my shirt and deepened the kiss slightly, making me smile through it.

"Fucking hell."

She laughed as we pulled away slightly and smiled more.

"It's a big deal. Your first solo song." she whispered. "And you worked hard for that."

We remained in the car for a while, just flabbergasted by what had happened and a bit ecstatic. I looked at her reacting almost as intensely as me and it made me realize so many things that I just leaned against my seat and sighed. Despite all the fights we had, despite my almost total absence in the past few weeks, despite the fact that we had it hard recently, she was there, she supported me, and she was happy for me.

"A few drinks tonight to celebrate, how's that?" she proposed as I started the car again. "We could invite a few friends?"

"Yea, yea good call!" I let out, glancing at her. "Hey take my phone and go on instagram!"

She frowned a bit but she was still smiling and she did what I was told before looking at me again.

"You want to add something to your story?"she asked as I nodded. "Okay, go ahead!"

"Hello lovers, so we just heard 'This Town' for the first time on the radio a few minutes ago and we went completely crazy!" I just said with a laugh, trying to focus on the road as I passed one of my hands in my hair and shook my head. "Let me just get back home and I'll do a live and answer a few questions!"

She stopped filming and played with my phone for a few seconds before looking at me again.

"That's a very good idea."

With a smile plastered on my face, I parked the car and unlocked the front door before quickly getting my laptop. She put her purse on the couch and I sat next to it right before she disappeared in the kitchen. It took me a few minutes to go live but when I finally was, my smile hadn't faltered not even for a second. I started answering questions, glancing from time to time at Olivia that remained away from the camera. I knew she didn't like to be in the spotlight and that a lot of times, I brought attention to her without meaning to, but the fact that she was still there, in the shadows, to support me, meant the world.

"I was with Liv, it's her you heard on the video." I explained, answering an other question.

I saw my girlfriend grimace when she realized everyone had heard her voice and her probably her laughter when we recorded the small video in the car and my eyes found her again, her expression making me chuckle.

"From the face she's making now, it was clearly not intentional." I pointed out, laughing again.

My eyes caught a comment that made me frown but I tried to ignore it until I saw an other one and I finally closed my eyes, breathing in.

"Okay, i'm normally not the type to give attention to bad mouthing but we're trying to have a nice time and reading shit about my girlfriend is no fun."

I could feel Olivia tense near me as my eyes roamed on the comments.

'No Niall pls stay!!!'

'Ignore them we love her! OTP!'

'Fuck whoever talks shit about her'

'They don't deserve your attention!'

I didn't add anything else but kept on answering questions about an upcoming album, more songs, the process of writing and tour. After over half an hour, I said goodbye and turned my computer off. Olivia had left and I joined her in the kitchen, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. My lips reached her neck and I squeezed her tighter against me.

"Hey, darling." I whispered. I heard her sniff and my heart twitched. "It wasn't that mean. I promise."

I watched her fingers grip the side of the sink more and suddenly felt extremely bad. I shouldn't have commented, that way, she wouldn't know about the mean comments, but when I saw them, I didn't think, I just reacted. It was not like me but reading shit about her made me a bit impulsive and now I regretted it.

"That's what I mean when I say I don't understand why you're dating me." she murmured after swallowing hard. "No one understands why you're dating me."

"People who know nothing about you or our story don't get it, so what?" I just replied, nuzzling her nape. "Fuck them. I know why i'm dating you and i've got a shitton of good reasons."

"Don't tell me you don't doubt us, sometimes, Niall." she shook her head. "Don't tell me it never crosses you mind that you should be dating someone who's in your league. A tall, skinny, gorgeous actress, model, singer... I don't know."

She moved away from me and turned around, her back still facing me. I let my arms fall on each side of my body and sighed a bit loud before rubbing my eyes. I was trying to comfort her but it seemed like nothing i'd do would change anything.

"I'm telling you it's you, okay? I love you!" I argued, getting annoyed again. "I don't get how it's so hard to understand!"

She finally turned to me slowly and I felt a pain at heart when I saw the tears on her red cheeks. I didn't know why it was affecting her that much and I felt like i'd never understand.

"Love is not everything. Contrary to popular belief, love is not all you need." she pointed out, her arms crossed on her chest. She shook her head again and licked her lips as I stayed still, holding my breath. "I don't get why you don't understand how I feel, and I can't seem to explain it. It's useless, Niall. I'm useless."

Without waiting for an answer, she turned around and walked in the hall. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the beating of my heart. I should have ran to her and took her in my arms. I should have tried again to tell her how much she meant to me. I should have begged her to believe me and trust me. Instead, I sat on a chair and sighed loud. I felt defeated and exhausted at the same time. I just wanted us to be happy like we used to be but I didn't know how.

After a good twenty minutes of thinking, I got up and walked to our room, opening the door slowly. She was laying in bed, on her side with her knees up. I took a few steps closer only to realize she was asleep. I put my hands deep in my pockets and stared at her for a few seconds. Her lips were slightly parted and I could hear her breathe a bit louder than usual. I sighed again and found a blanket before putting it over her and bending down.

"You're so much more than you seem to believe." I murmured close to her ear. "I wish I knew how to show you. Maybe i'm the useless one."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #amc #my fanfics #is this chapter even worth it? #is this STORY even worth it #ahh i always doubt myself whenever its time to post a new chapter

[skiasurveys]

407.

What’s your current boy situation? Taken and engaged.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Im not sure lol

Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?Yes.

Have you ever been out past curfew?

Not rly, I never had a true curfew cus I never rly went out hahahah unless i stayed at a friends house

Who was the last person you cried in front of? Maybe Connor.

What’s your relationship with the person you last texted?

shes my friend

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? No.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Nope.

Latest you stayed up in the past week? And why? it was like 4 am? which is rare cus lately i go to bed at 8 PM LOL

Do you cry a lot? Have you recently? Yes i cry way too much tbh

Do you think that you’re a good person? I think i am

What was on your mind most today? honestly, thinking of ending a friendship.

Have you held hands with anyone today? Nope

Last thing you and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend talked about? fuck idk, I think I saw his mom and told him that lmao. that was a long time ago though, like 4 years.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? Nope.

INTERESTED in anyone at the moment? i am i guess? were together.

Have a best friend? I think so.

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time? no. 

Is a best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment? nope.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I just have a family dinner i am doing.

For the rest of the week? working.

Are you in a good mood right now? I guess so. I am bored

What’s bothering you right now? I am itchy haha

Are you on medication for anything? Birth control and anti depressants 

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone for over an hour? i dont rly talk to anyone for over an hour lol

If you were upset, who’s the first girl you would go to? it depends on what

Do you need to say anything to someone? yes.

What was the worst mistake of your life? quitting my one job

When was the last time someone yelled at you? idk lol

How many kids do you want to have? None but if i were to i would have 2

Have you kissed someone in the past month? yes

What made you sad today? nothing

When was the last time you were disappointed? every day of my life hahah

Is the last person you kissed also the next person you’ll kiss? yes. 

Have you ever liked someone older than you? my bf is 6.5 years older

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i do.

Do you believe exes can be friends? depends. I think you can but sometimes feelings are too strong.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yes even if they dont work out, you learn from them.

Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader? hahah no

Will you talk to the person you like/love on the phone tonight? I just did. But we live together so 

What woke you up this morning? just natural

Did your last kiss mean anything? yes

What are you looking forward to in the next three months? Money

Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you? yes :)

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? i have. its been almost 4 years..

If you were pregnant, would your parents make you keep the baby? im 23 so..

Would you like to fall in love in the next few months? i already am

Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? nope!

Do you have a favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie? idk tbh i like all his films

What was the reason you last received flowers? valentines day i think

Have you ever donated blood? no but i want to

What did you do for Valentine’s day? we didnt do anything because we dont celerbate valentines day just cus its so expensive and i dont like the idea of forcing each other for a capitalist society...we do stuff around the date like get thai food and watch a movie lol

Have you ever joined a gym? yes lol I need to be more active at it.

Do you eat breakfast daily? no like maybe once n a while but i just get sick from eating too early. maybe ill have toast

Are you Irish? nope.

List the people that live in your home from tallest to shortest? me.

Who was the last person to cook dinner? meeee

Is having sex on your mind? yes lol

What color is your bra? burgundy 

Do you answer the phones at your job? no thank god.

How many times have you actually been in love? once (this time)

Other than an ashtray, what else have you used? huh

What was the last type of vodka you consumed? i had blueberry vodka. Its actually super good with pepsi!

What movie do you really want to see? none atm maybe frozen 2

What time will you be getting up this morning? Tomorrow at like 5:30 AM

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time? okay.

Forget having a drunken night in Mexico-have you ever actually been there? no.

Did 11:11 already pass? yup

Does your car have a name? no i never rly got into that

What’s on your agenda for tomorrow? just work then dinner with a friend.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? no. Maybe next 3 hours

Who is your best friend? Sasha

Who was your last crush? my bf now?

Can you sing at the top of your lungs right now, and not get in trouble? i could but that would annoy my neighbours hahaha

When was the last time you saw your butt? today

When was the last time you went to the zoo? a few years ago

Can you kill someone if you had to? i dont think so. unless it was like defense

Have you ever sworn in front of your parents? by accident

Have you ever smacked a best friend across the face? no

What sport did you last play? idk hahahaha

Have you ever seen a guy take a survey? no

Do you know any fake, annoying girls? yes

Last thing that really hurt you? my nerve damage neck haha

Are you ever afraid to be yourself? depends

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? not yet

Does your heart ever ache for anyone? yes

What makes you happiest right now? Just money hahahaha 

How many people have told you they were in love with you? Maybe 2 people.

Is any part of you sad at all? yes.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone? just my bf lol

Honestly, if you could go back one month and change something would you? theres nothing to change

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008? fuuuck no!

Has anyone told you they missed you lately? - Nope.

Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? yeah like rape, cancer jokes, etc

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? yes

Is love really worth fighting for? I guess so? but sometimes you just cant fight for them.

Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? i wouldnt answer. I would maybe text and be like tf

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you? Yes

Do you have a bad temper? i dont think so.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? not everyone..

What are you drinking right now? - Pepsi. <-- same lol

Are you the funniest of all your friends? hahahaha maybe.

Have you ever gone to work with a hangover? no

What pisses you off the most? being rude tbh

What is your favourite trait about yourself? I am empathetic

Who was the last friend to walk out of your life? daniel, will and cora.

Are you emotional? yes.

How do you get when you’re really mad? I get peeved. i need to be alone.

What’s something you wish you could go shopping for right now?

myself  LOL i need stuff for my apartment tbh.

Something you want right now? nothing

When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Depends. Connor or my friends.

Have you done anything illegal in the last three days? no

Do you ever get shy around the boy/girl you like? i used to when i was younger

#survey #dec 17

[threethousandfans]

I would do anything in my power

After New York, Natasha has issues with sleep and her and clint talk about their future.

*

Their lives had turned upside down since the new york events. Tony had offered all of the avengers an apartment in stark towers and natasha and clint were no different. They shared a lavish apartment with a shared living room, kitchen and bathroom. But each had thier own spacious bedroom with a humongous kingsize bed.

Not that this mattered to Natasha. She rarely managed to get sleep. Her mind was always too awake and ready to jump into action when clint became possessed again. Of course Loki was gone and clint was perfectly fine, but that didnt stop her restlessness. So she spent most nights pressed up against the floor-to-ceiling windows of their shared apartment, watching new york being rebuilt.

She often found her mind wandering to the events of the last couple of months. She had felt so lost when clint was taken away from her that she was almost unable to do anything, useless during the time when new york needed her the most. Natasha had been trained not to feel emotions. She was condtioned to be a mindless drone. A killing machine. She had snapped necks with her bare hands. She had stuck a dagger in some guys chest and watched the light drain out of his eyes. So why couldnt she deal with it when her mission partner were brainwashed?

It was maybe the fourth night since the new york disaster, natasha was sat at her window watching taxis drive past on the street below, when she heard a noise. It could only be described as the ruffle of fabric. She reached for the knife that she always kept in her belt.... except she wasnt wearing a belt. She was wearing an oversized ACDC t shirt that she borrowed from Clint, and nothing else. She mentally cursed herself. Natasha rose into a crouch and poised herself ready to attack.

All that was going through her head were thoughts that clint might be in danger of being abducted again. This just justified her insomnia and her paranoia. Natasha stood up, spun on the ball of her feet and threw her fist forward. It connected with something firm with a thud, and a "what the hell." at that moment, natasha realised that It was clint that was stood before her. His eyes were the usual storm grey color and, curiously, he held a woolen blanket. "I thought you mind need this." He said after she had apologised.

Clint had feelings for natasha, except he had never told her. He liked her spark, he liked how she surprised him every day without fail. They had always had a special bond that could only have been formed through stake-outs, sharing a hotel room and generally annoying the crap out of each other. Clint always had her back. He was always in the rafters, with his bow ready, just waiting for someone to glance at Nat the wrong way. He knew perfectly well she could deal with missions alone. But they both agreed, they liked him being her cover. However, clints experience with being around tasha meant he could always tell when something was bothering her. "Whats wrong Nat?" He said gently.

She really couldnt find the words to explain how she felt. The lack of sleep and the tidal wave of emotions caught up on her as she sank on the floor and sat crossed legged, facing the window. "Im fine." She muttered. Clint opened up the blanket and draped it around her shoulders and then sat next to her on the floor.

They paused for a moment, watching the three am hubub of new york, the city that never sleeps. "What do we do now?" Asked Clint. He didnt blame natasha for not being able to verbalise her feelings. He knew that she couldnt help how she was programmed. But most of all he knew that her emotions were what frustrated natasha the most. He had witnessed many tantums, wall punches and knives stuck in doors during their partnership.

"Well i cant stay here forever. I already feel like sinking a throwing knife between starks eyes." Clint laughed and natasha smiled slightly. "I think im gonna get a new apartment. Start over again".

"You could always come live with me. On ranch." It slipped out. He didnt mean it. Clint always dreamnt of a future where him and natasha lived on his ranch. Retired just as they turned 30. Kids. A dog called lucky. A perfect life. Natasha would be the most incredible wife. The chances of her sharing that dream was incredibly slim. She couldnt settle. She always had to do something. Clint was ready for her to shoot him down. Maybe she would ignore him completley and they could forget about it.

Instead, she set her head on his shoulder and sighed. He was wearing a snuggly grey robe that was soft against her face. Her heart was telling her exactly how it felt. Her head was telling her not to say a word. Instead natasha stared at their reflection in the glass. Clint wrapped a reassuring arm around her shoulder. One of the best things about their relationship, natasha thought, was the way clint always listened to her. No matter how jumbled her words were.

"I dont think im the type of person to settle down."

"Dont you have dreams of the future?", clint asked.

"I dont know. Im scared of the future. All i want is the right person to live out the rest of my life with." She closed her eyes, they were starting to feel heavy. Clint smelt nice, it always relaxed her. "I lost you for a few days. That was the scariest thing thats ever happened to me, because i rely on you so much. Youre the only person i can open up to. What happens if i open up to someone new and i loose them?"

"You know, if they loved you, theyd do anything in their power to protect you?" He buried his nose into her hair. There was a small flutter in his tummy, just from being so close to Nat.

"I want a proper house. Not a flat. Somewhere in the suburbs." She muttered.

"A nice big kitchen that you can mess up." She laughter and elbowed him in the ribs. Clint responded by digging his fingers into her sides. Natasha squealed and fell into his lap.

They stayed for a minute, natasha looking up into clints eyes. Her eyes were the most amazing green. Like the meadow at the back of his ranch. She didnt make an attempt to move, she just adjusted her blanket. "I want a huge garden."

"Not gonna lie. My ranch is in the middle of a field Nat.". She giggled. The black widow didnt giggle.

"Who said we were moving in together?" She exclaimed. "If we were to live together, you can cook." She laughed.

Clint grinned, ignoring the bubbles in his chest. "Fine. But you can watch the kids."

"Fine. I want one girl and two boys." She said definitivley.

Clint was surprised shed even thought about it. "And a dog. Called lucky."

"And a dog called lucky." Repeated natasha. Something in her head slotted into place. Why was she so worried about settling down when she had everything she wanted right here.

"Also the sex would be amazing." He said with a smug grin. She sat up and punched him in the chest, laughing. Natasha definatley thought that clints muscular body was a perk of the job. She had never considered anything sexual happening between them. But now that she thought about it.... natasha smirked.

Clint didnt know where to go next. Did he just leave it or did he propose on the spot. He did what he always does in these situations. He tries to make a joke out of it. "Honestly. With my expertise. Itll be great. All youll have to do is lay there and look incredible."

Natasha giggled "why are you making me think about having sex with you?!" She blushed beet red. "It would be great, though."

Clint pulled natasha onto his lap. She lost the blanket and her tshirt rose up and revealed even more of her thighs. She tried not to think about how she wasnt wearing any underwear. Natasha buried her head into the crook of clints neck.

They stayed there in silence, no sound but the horns honking on the street below. Clint finally had Natasha in his arms. Natasha finally felt like she had a clear head. "Nat?" He whispered. She looked up and he pressed his lips to hers. Natasha found something she never thought she needed.

As the kiss intensified, clint began to stroke her thighs. Natasha wound her fingers into his blond hair. They broke apart gasping and flushed.

They rested thier foreheads together. "I love you clint. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Honestly, clint couldve cried.

"I love you too. I promise that ill do anything in my power to protect you."

#clintasha #clint barton #natasha romanoff #black widow #hawkeye #blackhawk #shield #avengers #avengers fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #fluff #fanfiction angst #fanfiction fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #new york #loki #threethousandfans #own work #part one #to be continued

[morningpages-louise]

November 01 - Setting intentions for November, looking back at 2018 so far, and Reminders and affirmations of life.

it's fucking november. what the fuck. this month, no this year, it went by so fast. i literally say that every year tho. we all do. why is that? the worst part is, most of us, including me, go by it without being mindful. without appreciating the things happening before us. we just kind of let these moments slide right through us. we forget to be mindful. we forget to take a breath, look around and appreciate. appreciate all that we have. appreciate this moment right here which will never ever be replicated. instead, we thinkin about what's lacking. we think about what could make these moments better. we bring in negativity into an otherwise perfect moment. it's annoying as hell but we all do it, we do it unconsciously. this negativity should not and will not rule over our lives. that's why this November, I VOW TO BE MORE MINDFUL--take deeper breathes. take things slower. not overthink every single fucking situation and just allowing each moment to pass. i really want to spend less time infront of my screen too. engaging in mindless social media which is so damn bad i dont know why im sucked into it so much :( but yeah. i just want to go back to the basics. slow down. appreciate. and cherish these last 2 months that I have left. because i will never have these months left. appreciate and take into grattitude.

i would also really like to just look at this year that went by because it's almost coming to a close. 2 months. you know what i find myself being so busy but I must never forget who i am and who my values are and what i value and why i took up all these opportunities in the first place -- for growth, to develop myself, to step out of my comfort zone and become more of the person who i am bound to be, whoever that is. sometimes i really feel like im being sucked in the system. it's like i forget the reason why i decided to do this work in the first place. and it's so damn important to never lose that. never lose that meaning and that reason and that drive that pushed us to try this new thing out in the first place. so damn important. huhu i feel like im on my flow. i love it when these moments come. work starts to be on autodrive and my mind is clearer, and i feel more motivated to work and all. but yes, it's november 2 now. i started writing this november 1.  I feel like when i started this term, i had a grip on my life. i had so much free time. i had a routine set in motion, but then it felt at times like i was just doing certain things for that tick on my planner, which is one of the reasons i stopped using my green bulletjournal. and i was just setting myself up to do so many things -- listen to the news, meditate, write, yoga, and all that stuff and the reality is, as simple as these tasks may be, i just didn't have the time to do most of the stuff and i wanted to do it out of impulse and not out of force, although i do know that that force is what makes certain tasks habits but you get what i mean. so yeah ive completely gotten rid of that way of living. now, it's just me and a black empty canvas and i kind of just choose how i go about my day. the things i want to do more of are

--> Find more time to Read. god, it's been so hard to slip in a quick 30 minutes or even a goddamn chapter :( i get so anxious man gud. so even if i do find a little hole for me to do what i love doing so much, i get an anxious feeling in the back of my mind which is annoying as hell.

--> Indulge in creative projects. no, not write for the sake of my damn internship and shit but create projects that give me joy. i feel like its so important to find time to do these things because being creative is a sort of portal to your soul. it taps into your consciousness and what interests you, what aspects fascinate you and all that stuff. for me, i'd really love to create more personal videos about important moments in my life. i've only done one video about my birthday but it felt so damn great to be honest. the next one i would like to do would be a video about my unit because that unit i hold so close to my heart man. so many memories. so many moments. so many people whove spent a certain amount of time at one point of their lives. im really obsessed with memories. i love saving them. i love keeping them and organizing them so i can look through them from time to time. yup i guess im floating. that's the song im listening to now. it's awesome. it feels like im stuck in a particular moment. held within time. that kind of stuff. god writing feels so good. it gives me a fucking high. makes me tap into my consciousness and check in on how im feeling. okay anyways getting a bit off track.

--> spend more time appreciating things and being in the moment rather than on social media. cmon guys, it's practically the last 60 days of 2018 and im gonna spend it attached to my goddamn phone? nuh-uh. the time for living should be now. the time for being aware and savoring every little moments and creating memories and cherishing them and just taking moments to feel goddamn alive you know. make this year worth something.

but honestly, it's hard to really look back at this year and see the growth that has transcended over the course of the few months. it's hard to look back because im living in it right now and i don't know. right now, it doesn't really feel like much has changed. it doesn't really feel like ive grown. or ive changed or ive bloomed which was literally this year's motto dba. that's why my peg for the whole year was a sunflower, inspired by tylor the creator's album sunflowers or whatever it was called. i still feel the same. i have felt like im the same person for so long to be honest. it never really feels like ive changed, but i bet i have. i just fail to see it. but honestly in terms of headspace, i can honestly say that i feel like im in a better place. im more at peace with certain aspects of my thoughts. ofcourse, i don't think we can ever really be fully at peace with ourselves, but in some way i feel like ive mended certain parts. i'm not in so much pain anymore. when i started the year, i had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost three years. ofcourse i still think about him every now and then, how can you not honestly especially when you spend so much time with a person like that, and it does still pain me when he chats with me to ask something or when i see him because i get a little hope extinguished in me of us getting back together even though i know in the end, despite everything, that we're better off apart. we're better off not together. because it was getting so bad. there was no fire. there was nothing. i felt like i was just forcing myself at times to like him. i didnt even look forward to seeing him whenever i came back from Manila, and that's not a good sign at all. so yeah, i know the most annoying advice ever is when people say time heals. it's so frustrating because you can't really do anyhing but let time heal you and well, it's true. it sucks but its so true. in time, you will just hurt less. there will be a time when his name comes up and it doesn't hurt so much or your thoughts don't start jumping up into nostalgic memories of the both of you. strangers again. it sucks but its the reality, i guess. i knw we shouldn't be together. we weren't a good match no matter how much nstalgia tells you otherwise. but i really really really hope to become good friends with him atleast. not be so fucking scared whenever im about to see him. not feel like i have to drink a whole fucking liter of beer before i see him. because in all honestly, he was such a good friend. so caring and so kind and he always tried to make a positive situation out of something so negative. his optimism sometimes annoyed the shit out of me especially when we were together because it's not as easy to just say like oh don't think about it like that. life is so much more complicated than that. its' a lot more complex. hay i really miss talking to him. he was such a good person to just let everything out to. i miss that the most. but it's okay. i have this morning thoughts now dba? to let everything out and just dump my thoughts and whats been circulating nonstop in my mind. cge anyways, what else. i feel healed. i feel like my headspace is better. well--i also feel like ive gotten better with regards to my connections. i love how this year, ive added new people to my circle. my favorite part. i love how this year has opened me to meeting more people. it has also let me become closer to my existing relationships. made it stronger and that makes me so happy. probably the most important thing i learned this year was the importance of connections, and that no man is an island. no matter how introverted we may be, we can't survive without having connected with other people. i really just want to have more of those throughout my life--genuine connections. where i can be myself and they can be themselves. and where we actually enjoy each others companies. not lackluster, shallow relationships that never seem to go beyond a certain level you know. i want deep, loving, intimate connections. i wish to find a tribe of people where i feel supported and everything. my life goal. but yeah im happy ive opened myself up to meeting new people. probably the biggest development of this year is well the fact that i now have an internship-say what? and or a company ive been following for quite some time nonetheless, mad travel. this whole year i feel like ive been trying to get a job and now i finally have found the time to do so and it makes me happy :) atleast. i know i am capable of gainig jobs and putting myself out there. i feel more confident applying for my jobs and my resue is looking fine. and although my internship is actually sort of a source of stress and anxiety these days, i shouldnt take it so goddamn seriously because in 2-3 years i will just look back at these moments and it wont even matter. what mattered is i did my best. i shouldnt take my work so seriously gyud. that's why i hate turning down friends or turning down invitations for my fucking work because in the end we all fucking die. in the end whatever titles we may have at the moment wont even fucking matter you know. we all die in the end so just live unapologetically and bear yourself to the world. that's so damn difficult and i feel like we take life so damn seriously. we really need to loosen up and have fun and not overthink every single fucking thing. why are we all so damn anxious? it makes me so angry like goddamn get it together. we have lost the true essence and meaning of our lives. we have forgotten why we are here in the first place. to love. to feel. to experience. to learn and most of all, to enjoy. okay that's my ted talk. goodbye and sayonarra.