#I get angry with mom and dad for not Having dealt better the bullying but i think they didn't helped because they also didnt knew what to d

[celibibratty]

bullying is such a fuck up type of phsychological abuse(i hate that people don't take it seriously to call it an abuse but it is a type of abuse), you don't know what to do, is helpless, when we were kids, everybody used to say(mostly our mother) "just ignore them, they will eventually stop, they will lose interest if you show no reaction", but don't do anything/show no reaction also makes things worse(i hated it, it never helped), it only proves how much of a victim you are, it shows that it won't have any consequences, they can do anything with you whenever they want CUZ YOU ALWAYS WILL DO NOTHING, but if you do react things can go two ways round (or you intimidate them in a way that they will stop trying messing with you(very difficult) or will make worse cuz they will find entertaining), is a no escape situation, you feel stuck, theres nothing to do, every little move or word makes things worse(the advice that i hated the most and mom always used to suggest was "just play along with it, smile, find it funny too", i never bought it that bullshit, they werent my fucking Friends, i not gonna let myself/ourselves being a joke,what they do it/say it hurted me, i can't just pretend it doesnt upsets me)

#reflection #Just a Random thought of the night #I say that our bullying was pretty much psychological but it was also starting to get it phsical #I always remember of an episode that a girl pushed marina to the ground the girl pushed very aggressively(it was kinda dangerous the ground #I just remember me running to her direction kinda worried the girl just walked away as if was nothing she didnt give a damn #I was like are you okay?And marina stand up very calm a little upset (it was weird it seemed like we were so used that we didnt even react #I used to fight with people(in this case i was the aggresor the one that get phsical idk if people fighted back i dont remember) #mom and dad dont even know the rest of it it was so many mess up things i never tell them and both of us has a story #Why do i remembering the bullying phase? Its our/my birthday i shouldnt be thinking about that #I get angry with mom and dad for not Having dealt better the bullying but i think they didn't helped because they also didnt knew what to d #Funny how you can be a family but everyone in it has a different reality #Like my mother suffered a type of bully by her family (uncles) she uses that experience to prove that she understand us... #No mom! suffer bullying from parents its different from suffering bullying by society it mess with your head diferently #Both are bad but they affect differently its not the same thing you don't know how it is/was

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

do you think we should forgive people who havw hurt us? even if they aren't sorry or even aware of the hurt theyve caused? you dont hava to respond to this if you dont want to , but i am just thinking, is it actually wise to let specific people exist in my life , (a parent) when they are delusionally unaware of the lifelong damage theyve caused me (and will never understand), or anyone really. Is there a point in.. getting angry, when they oncr again show that they really dont know or care. Still, i enjoy talking to them. So im thinking that maybe forgiving would be better . but i feel like that way i might be gaslighting myself. Have you ever read anything on this?

there is a good book on this anon, "adult children of emotionally immature parents", u can read it online for free if u google the PDF. it is monumentally eye opening. other than that, i can speak from my own experience w/ my parents. i'll put it under readmore cus im bout to get a lil personal;

so, basically, i have one parent, my mom, because my dad has been dead for over 15 years. my parents were alcoholics who worked full time dead end jobs and we never had a close relationship, but i was closer to my dad. when he died, my mom absolutely lost her mind, like, maybe this is dramatic but i do pretty much consider myself an orphan because in 2006 i lost both of them. my mom chose booze, despite the fact that it made her act completely volatile and disturbed, she chose the liquor over me n my sister. my sister is an extrovert and she started spending All her time at other ppl's houses so i was constantly alone with my mom. the emotional abuse she dealt me after my dad's death i think are the wounds within me that truly can never be healed. worse than having to watch him die. my mother would berate me for everything i did, my appearance, the fact i was flunking school, my friends, and most of all, she would always remind me that i am a bad daughter who doesn't love her enough. once i started w the suicide attempts her abuse and guilt trips only got worse. i made a lot of reckless decisions just trying to get away from her. i still feel immeasuable guilt that she is my only living parent but i can't be her daughter. i havent seen her in 3 years..

now that the context is out of the way, here's how i feel about forgiveness: you HAVE to forgive. you have to. for your own sake. to free yourself. for me, when im so so belligerently angry at my mom, i imagine her as a child. i think of her childhood where she was born to a 16 y/o polish ww2 orphan girl and a 17 y/o fatherless boy who had already been thru several detention camps + was forced to join the navy to avoid jail time. i think of the stories she'd tell me from her childhood where she constantly moved from trailer park to trailer park, the caretaker of her 3 younger sisters while her parents worked, her dad often disappearing for months at a time w no explanation, her mother in and out of psych wards. she's always casually bringing up how her parents would beat her if the trailer wasn't spotless when they got home. she was mercilessly bullied at school for being poor so she's never had many friends. she never got any education and has worked retail/cashier positions her whole life. she had to watch her husband slowly waste away, then go right back to work so we could just barely afford to eat. i think of all these factors and it's so so easy to forgive her, despite it all. like if i could reach into her chest and grab her heart and pour all of the forgiveness inside of me into her body just so she could feel happy and light for one single day, i would do it. we are all so broken and forgiveness is the only way we can ever put things back together.

that being said anon...i still have an immensely hard time talking to her. every time we talk on the phone she immediately just starts dumping all of her problems onto me, like how she used to do when i was a kid and she was drunk. she refuses to acknowledge she could ever possibly benefit from therapy. she can't even begin to acknowlege the ways she hurt and abused me. she is deeply, deeply emotionally immature. when i talk to her it rly feels like im talking to a severely damaged child. our conversations are short. i dont tell her anything about my life, i never have. we'll never be close, i've accepted it. sometimes i have days where i'm so angry at her that im ready to send myself to the psych ward over it. but the damage is done, it cant be taken back, only moving forward. and at the end of the day, i forgive her. and i want her to be ok.

i'm not sure what's happened to you with your parent anon, but just know, you can forgive from afar, you don't have to keep engaging with them if they continuously harm you. i really really reccomend reading adult children of emotionally immature parents. its only like 200 pages and you'll fly through it. like i said, available for free as a pdf online. i wish you the best anon and im sorry you have to go thru this but you're not alone. #<333

[loubrary]

Billy Hargrove x Male Reader

Headcanons: You’re new in town and help Billy become a better person.

Warnings: mentions of violence and homophobia, hints of smut.

A/N: This doesn’t really follows the ST timeline but who cares about canon or accuracy, am I right?

[ Masterlist ]

Your parents move you a lot due to their jobs, they’re always researching something in some strange corner of the world. You can’t understand how you went from living in South America for the last six months to living in middle-of-nowhere Hawkins Indiana.

You’re out to your parents, and they’re very supportive. You consider yourself lucky, they’re very modern and open-minded people.

The kids at your new school don’t know what to make of you with your different clothes, hair and accent. Some of the teachers are fascinated to learn of the places you’ve been to. 

When you met Robin your gaydars went off and you’re both excited to have a Fellow Gay in town. She introduces you to her friend Steve and the three of you become very close. Soon you are also helping Steve take care of his kids.

Billy hears of this strange new kid and goes to look for him to show him who owns this school. When Billy sees you he is enthralled, the world stops and all he sees is you, he feels a strange sensation inside, and he hates it.

In the days that follow, Billy makes his moves. He is mean to you, calls you names. He tries to intimidate you and scare you. But you’ve dealt with his type many times before and you have some tricks up your sleeve. 

Billy hates that you don’t react to his taunting. You just smile and laugh.

“F*g!”

“You too?! Wanna go on a date, darling? Bad boys with pretty hair are totally my type, Hargrove.”

His words don’t work, so he changes his tactics. 

You’re walking through an empty hallway when he attempts to grab you and slam you against the wall. Only to find himself on the floor completely immobilized. He had no clue you had trained in various martial arts. 

Putting the pain aside, Billy is turned on by the feeling of being dominated, he feels himself hardening against the cold floor. 

You lean down and whisper in his ear, “think twice before daring to touch me, pretty boy.” You let him go. 

One side of him wants to fight but when he sees the determination and fearlessness in your eyes he backs down. “This isn’t over,” he huffs and leaves stomping the floor.

Billy leaves you alone after that. He only glares at you and curses at you under his breath. He hates that he can’t stop thinking about that day. He hates that he enjoyed being under your control. He hates how he can only cum to images of you. But at this exact moment he hates seeing you with Steve laughing. 

You feel his eyes on you, how they follow you as you move. When you face him his face hardens and his fists clench, but there’s something in his eyes you can’t decipher. 

One day you’re alone in the showers, or so you think. You turn and see Billy checking you out from the other side, completely frozen. You notice his hard-on and his eyes open wide. He thinks you’ll say something but you just smile and wink at him. He leaves hurriedly trying to control himself. 

That confirms your suspicions and you know what is up with Billy. You’ve met guys with internalized homophobia, but never like Billy.

After that, teasing Billy becomes one of your favourite activities. You pay him visits at the pool, making sure he gets a nice view of you. You notice when he covers his lap with his magazine, and tries to focus on something else. 

“Why do we come to the public pool? We both have pools at home,” Steve complains. Robin laughs at the clueless boy, and proceeds to explain the situation.

One day Billy finds you alone and he attempts to make a move on you. He was so confident believing you’d accept his advances. 

“I’m not some desperate lonely gay boy, Billy. I don’t bend over for any hot guy that offers me his dick.” “So you think I’m hot?” He smirks. You scoff leaving him there.

Billy hates that you rejected him. How is it possible? He thinks of the guys he tormented and then fucked back in California, how easy they fell to their knees for him. 

Billy has never met a gay guy as confident and unafraid as you. Deep inside he feels jealous and admiration for you. He secretly wishes he could be as open and be free as you.

You get paired for a project, you are prepared to do all the work and let him take part of the credit. You’re shocked when he asks if you want to get together to work on the project. You’re even more shocked when you learn that he actually understands the material and is quite smart. 

Against your better judgement you invite him to your place. You’re surprised he shows up on time.

When he greets your parents, it’s like he’s a completely different person. He laughs at your dad’s jokes, compliments your mom, and even asks about what they are working on.

Billy is even more jealous of you when he sees how loving and caring your parents are, how happy and peaceful your home life is. 

The second time he comes over he has to excuse himself and go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and calm down. All he can think of is everything you have that he doesn’t.

He finds you and your parents sitting tightly together as your mother reads a book out loud in french for you and your dad. 

“Sit down honey, I’ll translate for you,” your mother says. 

By the fourth day he accepts your parents’ invitation to stay for dinner. He has fun, he’s fascinated by your parents’ stories and their research work. 

You get a glimpse of the real Billy and can’t help but smile. 

One day during dinner your mother talks about your exes trying to embarrass you, and asks Billy if there’s a special boy in his life.

Billy’s breath hitches and starts to sweat. He stands up quickly bumping into the table, saying he has to leave. 

Your mom tries to apologise and your dad asks him to stay. 

You follow him outside the house. “Billy, wait!” 

He turns around to face you and his eyes are red as he tries to hold in the tears. “Hey, it’s all—“ “I’m not a... I’m not.” he grunts before getting in his car and speeding off. 

Billy parks somewhere secluded and hits the steering wheel with his fists, he cries and yells in anger. He’s angry, sad, jealous. 

He cries for his mom, for a life he wishes he had, for the love and support he yearns for. 

Billy returns the following week to finish the project. He plans to just focus on the project, finish it and never return. 

Your mom answers the door. “So good to see you, love, we’ve missed you,” she says warmly rubbing his arm, “sorry about the other day”. He almost doesn’t hear the last sentence, he hasn’t heard those words or felt that way in a long time. Someone being happy to see him, missing him, calling him love. 

Your dad greets him and calls him son, and asks him to join him later in the study to show him their latest findings. 

You and Billy don’t talk about what happened. You focus on your project.

“Have you always been out to your parents?” Billy blurts out.

You decide to be honest. “Yeah, they sort of figured it out when I was little.” You tell him how growing up you met all kinds of people through your parents. You tell him about your parents’ gay friends that you call uncles and aunts. Telling him how you always felt free to be yourself with your parents even though you know the world is cruel and unaccepting. 

After a moment of silence Billy speaks. He talks about the only openly gay person he ever met, a friend of his mom back in California. He tells you about how his father hated his mom’s friend and got in fights with his mom about it. 

He tells you about his dad, how aggressive and angry he is. He doesn’t tell you about the physical abuse. He went on about how unhappy he was, and how different your lives were. 

You start to see why Billy acts the way he does. Bullying others is his way to feel he is in control.

“How do you do it?” 

“What?” 

“Being gay like that, you don’t hide.” 

“We only live once, I’m not gonna let a world full of bigots tell me I can’t be myself and be happy.” You pause. ”Billy? You can always be yourself here.”

After you finish your project, Billy keeps coming to your place to hang out. 

He’s more relaxed and tones down the attitude. He even starts being nice to Max.

He’s still the bad boy to everyone else, but when he enters your home all that stays outside.

You learn more about the real Billy. How he likes science and music. How curious he is. How funny he can be. And you slowly start to fall for this Billy.

One day Billy and you are in the living room listening to music lying on the carpet and giggling when your mom comes in. “Honey, your friends are here.”

You both look up and see a shocked Steve and the kids, and a grinning Robin. Max is especially shocked by the whole scene.

“Oh hey guys, you know Billy, right? We’re just listening to this new album.”

Billy panics, and stands up to escape, “I have to go.” You understand, not wanting to force him into anything. 

The others sit down looking suspiciously at Billy as he leaves. Billy avoids all eye contact. “What did I get himself into?” Billy thinks. 

Meanwhile Robin and you have each other’s arm over your shoulders as you sing dramatically.

“Is anyone going to talk about how you were on the floor giggling with Billy Hargrove?” Mike asks. 

One rainy night, Billy is driving to your house. His eyes sting, his knuckles turn white gripping the wheel. He feels his cheek and eye starting to swell. He stays on the driveway debating on what to do. He sees your bedroom light on and goes to ring the bell hoping that you open the door.

It’s your mom that opens the door. “Billy? Come on in, love, you’re soaking wet.” When he steps into the lit hallway your mom finally sees his face. “Oh my god, sweetheart. What happened?” 

“Who is it darling? Oh Billy!  Are you okay, son?” Your dad asks him.

Billy wants to lie, he had this planned, he would have said how he got into a fight with another guy and didn’t want to go home looking like that. “I got—I...” he tries. But he can’t keep it in anymore. “It was... My—my dad...” he chokes as he lets out a cry. 

He feels two sets of arms engulf him, and he lets is all out. He cries like he’s never cried before. He thinks he hears your name being called. He hears your parents’ voices, encouraging and supportive words he can barely make up. He cries even more when he think of how these people that he met not long ago care more about him than his own father. 

You find your parents consoling Billy. Your mom is holding him while your dad rubs circles on his back. And Billy holds on to them like his life depends on it.“Billy?” He looks up to you and you see his broken face, all the pain and suffering he has endured and your heart breaks for him. 

You help him get up and walk him to the living room. Your dad goes to prepare the guest room and your mother prepares some tea. Billy is curled into a ball under a blanker with his head on your lap. You run your hand through his hair as you rub his arm comfortingly. 

When he calms down, he starts telling you of everything his dad has done. All the punches, the bruises, the hurtful words. 

Later you take him to the guest room, you help him get his clothes off and rub some medicine over his bruises. 

“Can you stay with me?” 

“Of course.”

You hold him close, his face pressed on your chest. 

For the first time in a long while Billy sleeps peacefully.

After that day your parents take action, they’re on the phone with their lawyers, looking at how they can help Billy and Max.

Your parents help him get custody of Max. 

The both of them move in with your family. 

“Can’t believe you’re taking me to live with your boyfriend,” Max tells him. “He’s just a friend,” he groans. “Yeah, right.”

That night Billy is in your bed as you read to him, his head on your lap. “Thank you,” he says pulling your book down to look at you. “What for?” You ask, running a hand through his hair. “For saving me, and Max.” You smile and kiss his forehead and continue with the story.

In the morning you wake up to Billy facing you, looking at you and he smiles. 

“You okay?” He nods and reaches for your hand, holding it tightly as he scoots closer to you.

You move a loose strand of hair behind his ear, caressing his cheek, feeling how soft his skin is. 

You two stay like that for a while just enjoying each other’s warmth in silence, playing with your hands and looking into other’s eyes. Neither of you can’t stop smiling. 

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Billy.”

#Billy Hargrove #billy hargrove x male reader #stranger things #tw: violence #angst #fluff

[maybe-itll-be-someday]

Teenage Dreams

The one where someone disrespects Emily and Jack remedies it by punching them in the face.

Read on AO3

Emily was a great Mom.

Despite the fact that they weren't related by blood, she was the only mom he truly ever know. He never really knew his actual Mom since she had died so long ago now. He had snippets of memories, barely threads now since it's been over a decade since she passed, and the stories that his Dad would tell him. About how they first met in the Pirates of Penzance play in high school, how she supported him through law school and the Academy, and how she loved strawberry ice cream and will always love him.

But Emily had always been around, on the sidelines of his soccer games and baseball tournaments, wiping his tears and kissing his bandages when he scraped his knee or slammed his finger in the car door. They had gotten married almost five years ago now and it was only in the last three that Jack had insisted on calling her Mom.

"You're the only Mom I have." He had said when she was stunned into silence as he tested the moniker on his lips on a Wednesday afternoon. He doesn't think he'd ever seen Emily cry so hard before.

The only thing Jack Hotchner didn't really like about his mom, is all the snide comments and half whispers among his friends whenever they came over. He was aware that Emily was beautiful, if the way his Dad always told her was any indication.

It was after school and Mom had come to pick him up after his first soccer practice, his friends quickly starting to elbow each other as his Mom made his way towards them, still dressed from work with her FBI badge hanging off the side of her blazer.

"Hi sweetie." Emily greets. She smiled brilliantly at all his friends, some of whom quickly averted their eyes at the sight of her.

"Hey Mom. These are my teammates." He says, introducing her to the gangly group of teenagers who were either outright staring or doing everything in their power to not make any eye contact.

"I just need to go grab my stuff from the locker room. I'll meet you at the car?" Emily nods, knowing that now that Jack was getting older he was starting to enter the phase where everything his parents did embarrassed him, even if it was just something as simple as picking him up from practice. If Emily were a betting woman, she would wager a large amount of money that Jack wanted her to park down the street so his friends never saw her.

If only she knew exactly why Jack was keeping his friends far away from her.

His friends immediately start whispering to themselves as Emily makes her way back towards the parking lot to wait for Jack.

"That's his mom?"

"Holy shit."

"That is a MILF if I've ever seen one." Jack is quick to shoot an angry glare at his teammate, who at the stern look in Jack's eye, had the decency to look embarrassed before they made their way into the locker room.

Jack could still hear the rumblings among his friends, catching the words sexy and red from the direction of the showers. He tries to block it out, but he can feel the tips of his ears go read as his teammates swapped remarks about their list of hottest Moms and somehow, his own makes it on the list.

He's still bright red when he hops into the car, Mom with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you alright, Jack? You're not catching a fever, are you?" She frowns, checking his temperature with the back of his hand as he swats her away.

"Mom, I'm fine. It's nothing." Emily tuts, Jack's tone toeing the boundary between upset and disrespectful.

"Jack, you know that as a profiler I can tell when you're lying to me, right?" She says, her eyebrow raised and Jack grumbles to himself. Emily smiles at the muttered words, but for her benefit, she asks him to speak up.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said yes ma'am, I am well-aware."

"And you also know that I won't force you to talk about anything unless you want to talk about it?"

A small smile breaks on Jack's lips. Mom never did push him to talk about anything, always just letting him know that she was available when he eventually did want to. Her only condition was that he would talk to her eventually, no matter how long that took. It was one of Jack's favorite things about her, since she could really calm his Dad down when he had that vein bulging from his neck whenever information was withheld from him.

"I'm aware of that too."

"As long as you know." She says, before turning up the radio and singing in an off-tune pitch to the latest pop song on the radio, clearly unaware of the actual lyrics or which key the song is supposed to be in.

Okay, maybe there were two things he didn't like about her.

--

The next time someone makes a comment about his Mom, they make it to Jack's face.

Dennis Smith was one of those kids you'd consider an outcast in school. Always dressed in torn jeans and black, followed by thin cronies who were too afraid to stand-up to the kids who picked on them so they ended up hiding behind a larger bully. He had been taunting Elliot, Jack's lab partner, for the past three weeks. Elliot had run into class that day, his shirt torn and bag half-opened as he rushed to sit next to Jack.

"Dude, what happened?" Jack asked when he spotted the torn pocket and the hastily stuffed belongings in his backpack. Some of his books were wet and if Jack had to guess, they had roughed him up in the boy's bathroom.

"Dennis." Elliot just mumbles, pulling out his notebook and cursing when he realizes that they took his wallet.

No one was going to pick on his friends if he could do something about it.

At least, that's what his Dad taught him.

So when Chemistry ends, he stalks Dennis and finds him bent over a water fountain, his friends chatting away while leaning on the locker next to him. Jack reaches over and taps him on the shoulder, a bewildered expression on Dennis' face.

"What do you want, Hotchner?" He spit out, puffing his chest to make him seem bigger than he actually was. Dennis didn't like him, since he was one of the only ones who wasn't scared of the bully. Jack found it hard to be scared of him, considering the fact that both of his parents were in the FBI and dealt with much scarier things than insecure teenage boys with an anger issue.

Jack crosses his arms, Elliot hiding behind him as he stares Dennis down.

"What's your problem with Elliot?" He asks flatly, interested in getting to the bottom of this. The hallway slowly starts to flood with students exiting their classes and the commotion causes a small crowd to form. In the corner of his eye, Jack can see cellphones being pulled out and aimed right at them.

"My problem is that little pipsqueak told Ms. Gardner that I was cheating." The bully stares directly at Elliot, who cowers further behind Jack despite the fact that Jack was only a few inches taller than him.

"But you were cheating."

"Well, if he learned to mind his own business, then maybe we wouldn't pick on him so much." Jack sizes Dennis up - he notices the muddy state of his shoes and pants that dangle just above his ankles, clearly too short for him. He smells faintly of body odor and some form of energy drink and if Jack had to guess, no one was providing him parental supervision at home.

He was angry, and had no one to direct that anger towards except for a student who was just doing his due diligence.

"Look, Dennis. I get it - your parents don't spend enough time with you, they leave you alone a lot, and you're angry about it. Can't you find something better to do with your time? Like actually studying so you don't need to cheat?"

Dennis flushes bright red and Jack turns and motions for Elliot to follow him. Hopefully, that would be enough to stop them from bullying Elliot. It's only then that he hears what Dennis mutters under his breath.

"Not all of us have a hot ass stepmom to tend to our every need. If I had a stepmom like that-"

Jack's fist connects with his nose, his knuckles flashing in pain at the contact. He feels a white hot rage spark under his skin, directed at anyone who would think to badmouth his family. The crowd gasps as Dennis falls to the floor, clutching his nose and yelping in pain. Jack flexes his knuckles and winces at the dull ache that settled in his joints. He freezes when he hears a familiar voice call out his name.

"Jack Hotchner!" Jack's eyes close and hopes that it isn't who he thinks it is.

He plasters a smile on his face and turns around, hiding his swollen hand behind his back.

"Hi Principal Gibbons."

--

"You are grounded for at least three months." Aaron says, his knuckles white around the steering wheel. It was just his luck that his Dad would be the one to pick him up. Apparently, Mom was off on a case with the BAU and Jack had a feeling she would be more understanding of him breaking Dennis' nose after fifth period.

After all, she was the one who signed him up for self-defense classes.

"What were you thinking Jack? Breaking a kid's nose?" His Dad had been furious upon arriving at the Principal's office. To the normal outsider, he looked calm, but Jack knew the fury that lay underneath. Dad had an excellent poker face and he managed to keep his anger under wraps until they got back into the car.

"He was being a dick."

"Language." His Dad warns and Jack sighs, knowing that swearing probably wasn't going to save him from the thin ice he was already on.

"Look, he was bullying my friend Elliot and I stood up to him."

"So, instead of talking it out, you punched him." Aaron says in disbelief and Jack shakes his head in frustration.

"No, I told him that his parents weren't around and that he was angry, so instead of picking on Elliot, he should just study."

There's a beat of silence.

"You profiled him?" Aaron curses the pride that blooms at the realization, not wanting Jack to get off that easy. After all, he did get suspended for three days and had to visit the school counselor with Dennis upon his return for 'mediation'.

"I did. Then I walked away."

"Then why did you punch him?"

"Because he said something about Emily." Jack's arms cross, his gaze out the window and Aaron sighs. He had been ecstatic when Emily came to him with tears in her eyes because Jack wanted to start calling her Mom. It was a decision that Aaron always left entirely up to Jack, not wanting to force him into feeling like they were replacing Haley since they were getting married. She had always been perfectly fine at being called Emily, not wanting to infringe on Jack's view of Haley. Jack only reverted back to calling her 'Emily' when he wanted to distinguish Emily and Haley.

Aaron lets the silence sit for a minute, his anger deflating. "What did he say?" He eventually asks.

"That not everyone had a hot ass stepmom to tend to their every need."

A different flash of anger runs through Aaron, his grip around the steering wheel tightening a little bit and his knuckles flashing white.

"That's why I punched him. I don't want anyone to talk about Mom like that."

Aaron lets out a breath, the last of his anger dissipating with Jack's words. He had always taught Jack to stand-up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves and he did just that. He stood up for Elliot and he stood up for Emily as well, not tolerating any disrespect for the people he cared about.

"Hot ass stepmom?" Aaron asks, a curious eyebrow raised.

"Oh Dad, you have no idea."

--

Emily comes back home to the angry marks on Jack's hand settling into purple and yellow bruises.

"You did what?"

"He punched a kid at school. He'll be suspended until tomorrow." Emily crossed her arms, disappointment in her expression. "Did this kid attempt to hit you first?"

Jack shook his head, hung low from the stare his Mom was baring into him. Aaron chuckles, rescuing Jack from what he is sure is a tongue lashing with a gentle hand placed on her shoulder.

"He was actually defending a friend." Mom's stance softens ever so slightly and eventually, she uncrosses her arms and sighs.

"As long as it was for the right reasons. But I still don't condone the violence and you're grounded until next week." Jack nods, knowing that it was a lenient punishment considering he spent the last month grounded because he had snuck out to see a girl.

Later, when Jack is in bed, Aaron tells Emily the true reason why he had gotten in trouble. Her heart swells with pride and an absolute adoration for the boy she's watched grow up and felt honored that he would defend her from his peers.

"Hot ass stepmom, huh?" She teases as Aaron bristles. She loved that even after years together, he still got jealous. Many cops and detectives have been the end of the Hotchner glare when he caught them checking her out and somehow, it doesn't surprise her that a few harmless teenage crushes would cause his heckles to rise.

"Oh sweetheart." She coos, snaking her arms around his neck as his hands land on her hips. She doesn't miss the way his grip is just a little tighter and giggles as he grunts in acknowledgement.

"You don't need to worry about a bunch of teenage boys stealing me away."

"Who says I'm worried?"

Emily just laughs, smoothing the frown on his forehead.

"Whatever you say, sweetie."

--

Later that week, when Jack's friends come over before they head to the high school football game, Emily comes home from her run. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun, her sweat slick on her skin and her running shorts hugging her behind tightly. Aaron walks into the living room to greet her to see two pairs of eyes glued to Emily's form as she walks into the kitchen to get some water.

He throws them a death glare and doesn't fight the smirk on his face when Emily presses a kiss to his lips in greeting.

--

#hotchniss #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jack hotchner #aaron x emily

[misssakurapetal28]

#Sabrina Raincomprix Deserves WAY Better...

You know...

I find it SO FUNNY how this fandom preaches about “peace and tolerance” or “let these bullies learn and grow” or “They are are just misunderstood!” when it comes to characters like Chloe and Lila. It doesn’t matter what they did or always do, people have faith in them no matter what. However, when it comes to Sabrina, ANOTHER mistreated and misunderstood girl (in my opinion), just because she’s no “important” or “one-dimensional” or “not developed enough”, no one bats an eye, no one doesn’t care, no one gives a shit, NO ONE SEES HER mistreatment and potential and completely turns their backs on her. Even when a small handful of people DO care, it’s suddenly “not that serious” because she’s not that important, it’s a kids show, or people will try to make it about Chloe in some way.

It makes me mad because...most of us have been bullied and mistreated in school. Some of us been manipulated, intimidated and belittled by people that we once loved, cared about or saw as our friends and I’m sure of it. Some of us, we were kids once and sometimes we did things that we didn’t want to do, but we DID do in fear that we would get bullied or have something be taken from us. Sometimes, we were misunderstood or wronged for things that could of been or should of been at least understandable. Sometimes, we did wrong things to keep toxic things or friendships.

Now, of course you can say that some of this COULD apply to Chloe and Lila too. It VERY likely and possible, but in my opinion this fits Sabrina’s situation a more than Chloe and Lila’s. Also, I would have been a lot more fine with this applying to Chloe and Lila IF Sabrina gotten the same amount of sympathy, empathy and compassion for that too. You see, I bet A LOT of people dealt MORE with people like Chloe and Lila in school. And I know at least 1 person AT LEAST saw people like Sabrina too. 

My point is...when I see all this passion, controversial opinions, constructive criticism and even hate when it comes to Chloe and Lila, people always say that “their children, let them grow and learn” or sayings like that all them time. They want to defend them, no matter what they do because “they had it hard”, “they’re relatable” or “because they’re children”. However, Sabrina??? It’s always the same kind of answers:

“She’s undeveloped” 

“She contributes nothing to the story”

“She knows what she’s doing but doesn’t care”

“She WANTS to do bad things”

“She’s spineless”

“She one-dimensional”

“Chloe is better than her”

“She’ll be terrible with a miraculous”

“She doesn’t feel sorry for what she does”

“She only uses Chloe’s friendship to benefit from being friends with a rich girl”

“She’s not important”

Like, even if ANY of that was true (which I admit it might be to a CERTAIN DEGREE), not only people don’t look at the subtext of the situation, but where are you guys compassion, sympathy and empathy for HER though??? As teens???? AS ADULTS????? Not Chloe, not Lila, SABRINA? Why does Chloe and Lila deserve 78 chances when you can’t even give Sabrina even 1!?!? It means she’s undeveloped, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have potential! She does bad and questionable things sure, but that’s what happens when you have bad influences in your life and no real responsible adults -___-. 

Is Sabrina competely innocent? Of course not! Sabrina is responsible for her own actions and she owes everyone SHE has personally hurt an apology, but I still believe she has a chance to gain confidence, grow a backbone and change for the good. I don’t think Sabrina is a bad kid, just misguided. Maybe she doesn’t deserve a miraculous at this point of time neither, but neither does Chloe. I’m so sick of the double standards when it comes to Sabrina and other bully characters in the show.

And you know what??? 

Even though I do feel sorry for Chloe to a degree, even though I DO stand of Chloe over Hawkmoth/Gabriel/her creator (Thomas) now, even though I DO think Chloe had potential to be great and developed, I really don’t like Chloe as a character. 

Never did. 

I don’t think she deserves a miraculous and I personally don’t think she deserves more attention or better in general than Sabrina. I’m not afraid to say it anymore. If you want to go after me for that, fine, but I don’t care anymore. I like Sabrina, I relate to her and I think she deserves MUCH better than the show and the fans give her. 

Regardless of you like or dislike Chloe, you can’t deny that she has shown time and time again that Sabrina isn’t truly her friend outside of what Sabrina can do for HER or if it boost her ego in someway. Sure, they might have their nice moments every now and then, but come on??? She basically admits to her mom that not only she’s using Sabrina (Queen Wasp), but she also has said that Sabrina would be NOTHING without her (Evillustrator). 

“BUT WAAAA! SHE CAN GROW!!!” 

And OK! I’ll give that to you! She CAN grow, but that does NOT mean that people don’t have the right to say anything about her behavior or be irritated/disappointed/angry when she does something wrong! YES, her actions do have UNDERSTANBLE REASONS, but they aren’t JUSTIFLIEABLE REASONS. It means it’s understandable why she’s this way (mom issues, absent mother, spoiled, her dad is a bad influence, fear of being bullied so she does it first etc), that doesn’t mean she gets to get off scot free and keep doing/acting the way she wants (the show won’t do anything about, so fans do, which is why I sometimes understand the Chloe hate). 

Also, what are the chances of ANYBODY (let alone Chloe) having any development at this point??? 

It really baffles and annoys me how much attention this fandom gives to these girls (Chloe and Lila) because of “redemption/reformation”, “what they’ve went through” or because “it’s much more interesting”, but then gives SO MUCH LESS attention to an very underrated character who can have just as much as a good redemption story as Chloe and Lila can. It’s even you like Chloe over Sabrina or you equality dislike both of them. I NEVER hear more than a handful of people liking Sabrina more than Chloe. 

Also, we barely know anything about Sabrina outside Chloe. How about we try to ask for some development for her? Some development? Some backstory? SOMETHING for Sabrina??? 

So basically the “let the children grow” argument only implies to characters that you like and are interested in apparently and you ignore their “followers/friends”, even though they themselves have potential and understandable reasons to THEIR actions too 🤷‍♀️ People only care about Sabrina when it comes to shipping or if it has anything to do with Chloe’s development, and it’s not fair.

Seriously, you have people still having faith in Chloe and Lila, who HAS arguably done more harm than Sabrina, with or without Hawkmoth’s influence, but then dislike Sabrina MORE for what? Just being someone’s sidekick because they don’t have a spine yet? Because she’s just simply bland or undeveloped? YES, Sabrina has done some messed up stuff too, but she NEVER did that stuff without Chloe specifically telling her to. And if she does seem mean? It’s just to blow smoke up Chloe’s chimney. 

I don’t think she does mean things because she’s a toxic and mean person, she does it for Chloe’s approval. Sabrina just has a twisted mindset on how friendship works. It doesn’t make it anymore right, but can you at least TRY to understand where Sabrina comes from instead of focusing on Chloe and Lila all the time???  God, as much as I do like it when people notice/don’t ignore/callout the bad writting in MLB, this fandom when it comes to Sabrina REALLY pisses me off...

And before you say “why are you so serious about a nothing character from a show for children????”

1). Why are YOU when it comes to Chloe and Lila???

2). If None of you are going to defend Sabrina, who will???

As for Lila, I’ve already said my reasons on why I don’t like her as a character/person neither in the past, but I’ll just make a separate post about her in the future. My point being in this post is that Sabrina really isn’t that bad like people make her out to be. At least not as worse as Chloe. I belive that both girls have the possibly of growing and changing for the better (now Lila is a different story, but I digress), but I just think Sabrina deserves more attention and love. In short:

#SabrinaRaincomprixDeservesBetter

P.S. I am looking forward to see her with the dog miraculous, but I know it’s probably not going to be good...

#sabrina raincomprix #Sabrina deserves better 2021 #Sabrina Deserves Better #sabrina raincomprix deserves better #sabrina #anti chloe bourgeois #anti chloe #anti lila rossi #ml salt #ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #pollen deserves better too #pollen deserves better #you can't change my mind #amethystqueen25 #amethystqueens25 #big rant #big mood #anti ml fandom #ml fandom critical

[unmaskedagain]

Marinette Vs Santa

A quick Christmas drabble.

  How did Marinette find out she was adopted? Well… her little half-brother tried to kill her.

           Also, that’s how she found out her biological dad was Batman. Because… why not. As if her life wasn’t weird enough already.

           And to think Marinette had been secretly writing Santa every year since she was three to like nine asking for a sibling of her own. She didn’t think it would ever happen

           Then one day, on a cold December night, as Ladybug ran across rooftops to see as many of the Christmas decorations as possible. Suddenly every instinct she had told her to duck. And she did just narrowly avoided a sword to the throat.

           Marinette readied herself to fight an Akuma, only to see an angry ten-year-old with a sword and a mask. He was dressed in green, red, and gold.

“Die, usurper!” He roared and attacked her again.

           Ladybug dodged and jumped every attempt to kill her and tried to resist the urge to punch a child.

           Eventually she got the better of the kid, and ended up hog tying him.

           Marinette put her hands on her knees as she struggled to catch her breath, “Who. Are. You. Nightmare. Child?” She asked in between breaths. Ladybug picked up the fallen sword and pointed at him. “And what is your problem? What did I even do to you?”

“You are Marinette Dupain-Cheng, first born blood child of our father.” He hissed at her, “I am our father’s rightful heir; not you.”

           Our father?  Did her dad have a lovechild? Did he cheat on her mom? No, Tom Dupain would never.

“What?” Marinette pinched her nose. “You want to be head baker?”

“Fool!” He tsk’d at her. “I’ve no interest in your adoptive parents’ holdings. I will follow Father’s footsteps and rule the night. I will be Batman. Not you, sister. Kneel before me and renounce your heirship, and I will spare your life.”

           …Wait Adoptive? Batman? Sister?

           Marinette just stared at him. Not saying a word. For a while. Awhile he insulted her.

           She looked out at the colorful lights that glowed against the freshly fallen snow and sense of peace that filled the air, and Marinette whispered the only thing on her mind…

“Fuck Santa.”

           The boy stopped struggled and gave her a perplexed look, “What? What does the jolly fat man have to do with anything? Why has he made you angry, sister? I will avenge you.”

You just tried to kill me, she wanted to say.

           Marinette just rolled her eyes, “Never mind. We need to talk.” She picked him and tossed him over her shoulder. “In my room.”

           Running across Paris with a struggling kid on your shoulder and a sword in your hand wasn’t easy.

            When she got to her room, she dropped the kid on her bed as gently as possible. “Do not escape,” She ordered. “If you do, do not destroy my room. I’m going to ask my parents if…” If they’re really her parents. Why didn’t they tell her?  Why? Just Why? “What you say is true. I won’t mention Batman.”

           Or the psychotic ten-year-old she had tied up in her room. Who may or may not be her brother.

           Marinette de-transformed. Tikki hid in her hair before anyone could see her.

           She came back to her room half an hour later with a cheese plate, full of veggies, fruits and crackers. And a tray full of chocolate chip Christmas cookies and two glasses of milk. She sat them down at the desk.

           The boy glared at her.

“You were right,” Marinette sighed. “I was adopted. My birth mom was just nineteen when she had me. The sister of one of my mom’s friends.”

           The news had been a blow. Her parents had kept repeating how much they loved her and how they had been planning on telling her when she was older. Older than fourteen. They wanted to know how she found out. She said her little brother had gotten in contact with her.

           Marinette eyed the still tied up boy… her brother. He no longer struggled against his bonds, just stared with an angry expression on his face. “I don’t want to be Batman,” She told him. “The title is all yours. I like being Ladybug. It’s a name I earned, worked hard for. A name I’m proud of and will not part with easily. Is that something you can understand?”

           He stared at her for a moment before nodding slowly, “You created your own hero persona to find the terror entrapping your city; all by yourself. …Father did the same.”

           He said the last part with a sad tone that Marinette’s new found big sisterly instincts go haywire. “And you think just because you’re his… partner,” She said, instead of sidekick because she was sure that word would get her killed. “And not a solo hero, that he will find you unworthy of being his heir.” Marinette sat down next to him, and patted his hair softly. “Did you ever think that because he is the one who’s training you, that because you fight by his side, that he’d trust you more? Trust you to take up his mantle in the way he can’t trust me. He doesn’t know what I’m capable of entirely. But he knows exactly what you can do because he taught you.”

           Her brother scoffed but his face lost some of its anger and he seemed to relax.

“I’m going to untie you now,” She told him. “Do not attack me.”

           When he was untied and given back his sword, which he sheathed, Marinette brought over the food. “You know my name,” She said after he took a bite a cookie and seemed pleased with it. “What’s yours?”

“Damian,” He answered. “Damian Al-Ghul Wayne. How did you obtained magical powers? And what is the creature that thought it could hide from me?”

           Marinette just blink. Because Dammit Tikki. The pink ball of fluff out with a chastised look on her face. Unfortunately that look meant nothing as all the other Kwami Marinette now protected as Guardian thought that meant they could come out to.

           Plagg straight to Damian and sat on his lap, “Cheese. Now.”

           Marinette face-palmed. The Kwami had taken trying to declare dominance ever since Ladybug took the ring back from Chat Noir.

           Damian could only stare at the being, animal, and sprite as he reached slowly for a piece of cheese from the selection of food and handed it the small creature. That was all the other Kwami needed to rush to him for attention. Damian was easily mesmerized by the little creatures and saw no issue in showing them affection. Apart from the fact that Oracle, and Father, and thus the rest of the family were watching the feed, through the mask, while they attempt to locate him. Damian could only disable their trackers for so long. Annoying as she was, Oracle was a genius.

“Okay, little brother,” Marinette shrugged. “You tell me your story. I’ll tell you mine.”

           And so they did. The two siblings spent the next few hours telling the other all about their history. Neither were happy.

           Marinette was beyond furious that her little brother was raised by ruthless assassins, cast into the role of Robin (though mostly by his own doing), constantly risked his life, and had little no childhood.

           Damian was pissed, which was putting it nicely. His beloved sister had no training when she was charged with the task of defending the city as the hero Ladybug and fight a supernatural terrorist, dealt with sexual harassment from her once trusted partner, then her master died in battle but not before he bestowed one of the most powerful magical artifacts of all time to a teenager. To top it all off, his sweet sister was being bullied by a pathological liar who turned all her friends against her, nearly got her expelled, leaving her with little to no Allies to aid her in her fight against evil. Marinette had cried at the end of her tale.

           …He was going burn Paris to the ground.

           Little did he know, the Batfamily found it hard not to agree as they watched the livestream from the Batplane?

           Dick had gone from jumping up and down at the sight of his adorable new sister, Marinette. She was a hero called Ladybug, how cute was that? To being rather angry at what she had to put up with. It was too much pressure for a kid, superhero, superpowers, or not.

“What do we do?” Tim asked.

           Batman was still having trouble processing. He had another daughter; a beautiful little girl who seemed to have taken after him without ever having known the man. Nature versus Nurture, he supposed; nature won. Marinette who had been fighting to save her city like he fought to save his. Who was her mother? Why didn’t she tell Bruce he had another child? Granted Brucie wasn’t who most people thought would be an ideal father but still… Hadn’t he proved himself?

“Find Hawkmoth,” Jason growled. “Punch a hole through his face. And Send Steph and Cass to have a “Talk”, he air quoted. “With that Lila chick. While we have a little talk of our own with Chat Noir. End of story.”

           Cass nodded, gleefully, that little girl would pay for what she did to Cassandra’s sister. And if she was lucky, Lila would even live to tell the tale.

           Stephanie was wondering if the Batfamily, her sort of-adopted family, could really get away with murder.

           …Who was she kidding? They totally could.

“We don’t… kill?” Batman said as he turned around and stalked away. “I’ll inform Alfred of the development.” Maybe have him prepare a room, he thought with hope. He’d like his daughter to visit and feel at home whenever she could.

           When Batman left the area, Tim looked around at his siblings, “Did that sound like a question to anyone else?”

           Marinette and Damian fell asleep next to each other, with the Kwami cuddled close. The next morning she woke not only to sound to the sound of the Kwami but to the sight of five additional vigilantes heroes, in addition to the one from the night before, hovering around her room.

           Two girls who were discussing with Trixx and long about their abilities. A hero in mostly black and red, who sat on Marinette’s top bunk with Marinette’s laptop on his lap, and Pollen on his shoulder. Damian still had Plagg with him, which Marinette wanted to tsk at because she told him not to play favorites. A blue, clearly the oldest, was laying on the floor playing with the remaining Kwami like they were puppies.

           She sat up in her bed and tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She glared at Damian, “Want to explain?”

“Mornin, sunshine,” A guy in a redmask said, with Barkk on his shoulder, as he chopped on a leftover cookie, not noticing the way Tikki glared at him. “Name’s Red Hood. Real name Jason. Dad’s downstairs talking to your parents.”

           Dad?

           She glared even harder at Damian. He shrugged, “Marinette, these are our… brothers and sisters.” He said. “They were adopted.”

“You should get better security on your computer,” The hero on her bed said. “Name’s Tim. I go by Red Robin.”

“Cassandra,” One the girl introduced. “Blackbat.”

“Stephanie. Batgirl,” The other said.

“I’m Dick!” The one on the floor laughed. “Nightwing. Welcome to the family.”

Tim continued, “I’ve located all personal information on Lila Rossi. I believe we can now move forward with the plan.”

Jason clapped his hands together, “Awesome. Operation: Get That Bitch is a go.”

Marinette just started at them. Six. She had six siblings. One for every year ever asked for a sibling for Christmas. She just had one thing to say as she tossed the covers back over her head to hide from the world…

“Fuck. Santa.”

           Finding out Bruce Wayne, cough Batman cough, was her father was one thing. Meeting him in person was another. He stared at her with cool blue eyes that made Marinette realize she probably should’ve questioned where she got her own long before.

           Her parents had been surprised when Bruce Wayne walked into their bakery and asked to speak with them alone. Even more so, when he claimed to be the biological father of their daughter. It had been long conversation between the three. But Bruce made it clear that he had interest of just taking Marinette from them. However, he would like visitations and for her to spend time with him over the summers. And to take her out for the day so she could meet her siblings. Also, about adding Wayne to her last name.

           So that was how Marinette found herself sitting in one of the most expensive restaurants in all of Paris, in the best dress she ever designed herself, with her… family.

           The initial awkwardness was broken up by all her siblings. Though they seemed to know to how to behave in public, they had no problems messing with each other and teasing.

“How long have you been into fashion, Marinette?” Bruce, her Papa, (As her dad would always be her dad).

           She smiled, “Since I was really little. It’s my dream to have my own line.”

           Bruce’s eyes got bright at the chance to help his daughter, “I can help you with that. I can drum up a connect or two, to get you started.”

“He’ll throw money at it until someone cracks,” Jason translated which cause Marinette to laugh and Bruce to glare.

Marinette discovered Damian had snuck Plagg with him to the restaurant.

           Marinette just groaned.

“You brought Tikki!” Damian defended.

“I’m the holder of her Miraculous,” She hissed back as low as she could. “Paris’s main and sometimes only hero. I need her.”

           Damian huffed, “That’s no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to attend as well. He’s with me.”

           Before Marinette could continue the arugment…

“Wayne?” Gabriel Agreste asked, tailed by Natalie, Adrien, Chloe, and Chloe’s parents: Audrey Bourgeois and André Bourgeois. “Bruce Wayne?”

           Bruce put on his most charming smile as he stood up, “Yes and you are?” He put out his hand.

           Gabriel shook it, clearly wondering why the billionaire was there. “Gabriel Agreste.”

           Bruce nodded, “The fashion designer.”

“This is my son Adrien,” Gabriel introduced. “My assistant Nathalie. My longtime friend Audrey Bourgeois, of the Style Queen, and André Bourgeois, mayor of Paris, and their lovely daughter. We’re here for a quick lunch.”

“Same,,” Bruce nodded. “I’m here with my children. My eldest Dick, followed by Jason, Cassandra, Stephanie, Tim, Marinette and my youngest Damian.” He introduced them.

           At the sound her name, all the newcomers eyes went to Marinette. She gave them a small wave, “Good to see you again.”

“Dupain-Cheng!” Chloe gasped.

           Damian growled, “Dupain-Cheng-Wayne.” As he glared passed her at the blond boy, the former Chat Noir.

           The blond girl was stunned, “How could you not tell me?”

           Hadn’t the two moved passed their difference and become friends? The two girls, and Kagami and united together when the liar seemed to take hold of the rest of the class.

“No one knew,” Marinette defended. I didn’t even know, she wanted to add. But they had discussed and agreed on the story that Bruce and an unknown woman gave up Marinette to the Dupain-Chengs when she was born. Nothing scandalous about it.

           Gabriel paused as he tried to think of what to say. How did he not know there was Wayne living in Paris, that his son was classmates with a Wayne. The girl had power in her pinky when she was still in Nappies, then either of the older Bourgeois had currently in their entire bodies. She would’ve been a much better playmate for his son than Chloe; the vapid, girl that she was.

           Audrey was thinking nearly the same thing. “Such a brilliant daughter you have, Brucie,” She smoozed. “I still can’t believe she turned down the internship I offered her. I want her to come to New York with me, you know?”

           Bruce beamed, “I’m glad someone sees her brilliance.”

           This went on for a while as each of the parents tried their hands at flattering the billionaire.  Bruce finally had enough and all but dismissed them

“I’m glad our children our such good friends,” Gabriel said finally as he turned to leave.

           Marinette fought he urge to scoff. Adrien was not her friend.

           The boy in question looked anywhere but at Marinette as he left. He had chosen to side with the other students when the Ice’d out Marinette until the girl stopped being a bully and being mean to Lila. Even if he knew it wasn’t true. Most declared they weren’t her friends anymore. Alya said she’d never be friends with Marinette again.

Coward, Damian nearly hissed. When they were gone, he turned to Marinette, “The blond girl is your alley, correct?” He asked. “Your Queen?”

           Marinette nodded, “There’s Luka and Kagami as well.”

“I will test to ensure they are worthy to fight at her side,” He declared.

           The others nodded. Bruce got a dark look on his face, “We all will.” He would not allow his daughter to suffer another Chat Noir.

           That was it, Marinette thought as she threw down the sliver napkin, she was starting to hate Christmas.

           The end of the weekend the entire world knew that Marinette was Bruce Wayne’s daughter. This made going to school Monday morning a huge spectacle as paparazzi crowded the outside the bakery and outside the school. Each one trying to get the attention of Wayne’s crown jewel, new Princess of Gotham, as the media dubbed her.

           Suffice to say, Bruce had taken her to school that day flagged by Dick and Tim as her other siblings combed the city for traces of Hawkmoth.

           The principle had practically fallen over himself to speak with the Bruce Wayne. But quickly hid in the shadows, when the first thing Bruce said to him was, “Ah, yes, you’re the man who expelled my daughter without a proper investigation. I’ll be talking to you later. So will my lawyers.”

           Marinette tried to hide her blushing face her father walked her to class. Students did everything they could to get a look at her. Chloe and Kagami waited outside her classroom, that was practically bursting with noise.

           However She practically drop dead when Tim complimented Kagami’s sword fighting skill and offered to duel her, and Kagami blushed. Blushed. Kagami?

           Marinette shook her head as she kissed her father and brothers goodbye. This world just didn’t make sense anymore.

           The two other girls flanked Marinette’s side as they walked into class. All noise stopped instantly. Marinette didn’t even bother spare the other kids a glance as the three took a seat in back of the class.

           Chloe quickly pulled her into a conversation of the places she’d see that summer in New York.

“I’ll be spending the end of Christmas break in Gotham too,” Marinette said shyly. “I’ll open my presents there. Papa wants me there for the Wayne Ball was I can be properly introduced to society.”

           And not because Bruce Wayne was scared of what Alfred would do if he didn’t get to mean his new granddaughter before the new year. That and Martha Kent were the ultimate overprotective grandparents.

“A Ball?” Lila squeaked, poorly concealed jealously on her face. She still couldn’t believe the little twit was Wayne. IF she had, Lila would’ve been a hell of a lot nicer. No wonder Marientte always knew when Lila was lying. She probably knew the celebrities through her father. “You’re going to the Waynes’ Annual New Year’s Ball.”

“Everyone goes,” Rose awe’d. “It’s basically a red carpet event. I watch every year. And Selena Gomez had the most beautiful dress on last time.”

           Juleka hummed in agreement, “Clara Nightingale looked like a princess.”

           Marinette just shrugged as each of her classmates offered their input on what the Ball would be like. She wasn’t about to make nice with them. They had turned their backs on her, betrayed her trust. Her brothers and sisters had warned her to be watchful for phony friends.

           Alya, who’s face had been turning steadily more red, as the classmates speculated who Marinette would meet. “Girl!” She burst. “How could not tell me?”

           Marinette raised a thin eyebrow, “We’re not friends, Alya, by your own declaration. I don’t believe I have to tell you anything. And even when we were friends, I only knew you for two years. Why would I tell a journalist anything important about me?”

“She was right not to,” Kagami stated, “With how quickly you all turned on her, I’m surprised she ever told you anything at all.”

           Alya flinched back as if slapped. So did a few other students.

“It’s not fair,” Alya continued as if nothing happened. “I could’ve gotten so many interviews. OH! I could with you to the Ball. It’ll be bomb.”

           The three girls in the backrow just stared at her.

“We. Are. Not. Friends,” Marinette repeated slowly. “Kagami and Chloe, and their families are invited because Kagami. And. Chloe. Are. My. Friends. In fact, my only friends in class. Luka is invited as well as well as his family,” She turned to Juleka who turned bright red. “Luka will receive invite tonight. If you attend with him, I will do my best to be polite. My father allowed me to invite them so I would have additional company if it gets too busy. The Ball is invitation only.”

           Allowed? He insisted. Marinette doesn’t even know how he found out all their names and who their families were. For reason, Marinette had the gut instinct to blame a redhead and Tim. Batman wanted to test his daughter’s team. And if they were lacking… Well, he’d promised to shape them up. Or else.

“I’m going to the Wayne Ball!” Chloe shouted. “And you didn’t tell me. It’s mere weeks away. I need a dress. I need to tell Mother.”

           Kagami had frozen. She knew well that the Wayne Ball wasn’t just any high society event. It was the High society event. Her family had never been elite and rich enough to receive an invitation. “I thank you for the invitation,” She bowed her head. “It will be a pleasure to attend.” She paused as she pulled out her phone and stood up. “I must also tell Mother.” And with, she quickly left the room.

           Which was much more polite than Chloe who called her mom then and there.

“Mama!” Chloe sang, “Marinette invited us to the Wayne Ball this year!”

“WHAT!” Was heard from the receiver.

           Marinette giggled. She ignored the glare Alya sent her.

           Rose grasped Juleka’s arm and jumped up and down. “You’re going to the ball. Ahhhh!” She screamed. “What will you wear? Your hair? You have to take pictures.” Rose suddenly reared back and took a deep breath. “You’re going to walk the red carpet.”

“You know, Marinette,” Lila smiled sweetly. “I would be honored to help you navigate the world of a celebrity. The ball will be so stressful. If you needed me there, I’d be happy to attend.”

“No, thank you,” Marinette said. “My siblings have promised to guide me through. It will be a bonding experience.”

           Lila forced a smile on her face, “Of course.” She fought the desire to scream and throw a tantrum. How could this happen?

           Adrien on the other hand fought to keep the smile on his face. His father would not be pleased. He had instructed Adrien to get close to Marinette, and thus the Wayne family. Adrien hadn’t had the courage to tell his father that they weren’t friends anymore. And that because of the lack of friendship, the Agreste were not invited to the party of the year.

           Marinette went to bed that day with a smile on her face. The Christmas season may have started off rocky but it would get better.

           Suddenly her phone started buzzing like it was on fire.

           The first text she read was from Chloe: You’re dating Roy Queen?!!!!

           Marinette’s entirely body froze. Who?

           Suddenly, she got another text… From Jason: Hey Baby Bats, I need a favor! Can you fake date my friend Roy. I already told everyone you guys were a thing. Bruce is freaking out! Thanks! Love you.

           Her mouth dropped, raged filled her entire body. And then she remembered how she joked with Alya that she wanted a boyfriend last year for Christmas last year.

“FUCK SANTA!”

#ml salt #batfamily #Marinette deserves better #Marienette Dupain Cheng #bruce #bruce wayne #damian wayne #alya salt

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Attention

You’re Jacob’s twin and always get the short end of the straw, but your dad gives you no choice but to tell him why you’re such a troublemaker.

-

           “Promise me you’ll be good today?” Andy asked, looking over at you. You looked back at him and rolled your eyes as you opened the Audi’s passenger side door.

           “I’ll keep her in line,” your twin sighed.

           “He’ll keep me in line,” you reiterated. Your dad sighed, took a sip of his coffee, and watched the two of you start to walk inside the building. “You really don’t have to watch me, I’ll be fine on my own.”

           “You heard what the principal said, though. You’re one problem away from a suspension.” You walked backwards into the school’s doors, making sure no one was behind you, and watched as your dad pulled away. The two of you used to be close, really close. Actually, you used to be close to both of your parents. And then you started growing up and they picked a side. Jacob’s side. All you really knew was that Jacob was the favorite of the two of you. You were known as the troublemaker, the one who was always doing something wrong even if you thought it was right and nobody would ever listen to you about it. You always got the short end of the straw and you were sick of it. You loved Jacob, he was your best friend, but he was your mind’s worst enemy.

           “I’m really not that much of a bitch, am I?” You asked him. He scoffed.

           “The ninth graders are scared of you, y/n,” he said.

           “As they should be. I’m going to history.” You walked away from your brother and went to the school’s history wing, where your first period was. Jacob did have the same class until about three days in when they decided the two of you shouldn’t be in any classes together because you just talked to one another. You’d ended up in the same English class, though.

           You sat down and looked around to see that none of your friends were there yet. Most of them were usually late since they took the bus – not everyone’s dad was the assistant DA. You and Jacob were some of the luckier ones at Archer, or so you were told, because your parents actually cared. You weren’t sure how true that was, at least about your dad, because he never seemed to unless it was impacting him. Today was going to be an example of that, but it was also going to be the turning point.

           “Hey, little Barber, your daddy put any innocent people away again?” Brett, one of your least favorite people ever, asked from behind you. You turned around and rolled your eyes.

           “Don’t you have anything else to be concerned about? Like your grade or… football or something?” You shot back.

           “Yeah. Like how I’m going to plow the shit out of your brother on the field at flag today.” That was right. It was flag day in gym, meaning they were going to drag your whole grade out onto the field and play capture the flag, which gave an excuse for all of the football players the chance to prey on anyone who wasn’t them. You didn’t stand for that shit, but your brother wasn’t exactly going to stop them.

           “You try that and the only thing getting plowed is your body off the field,” you responded with your arms crossing over your chest. You tried to forget about Brett, and the rest of the people on the football team, as they all sat down behind you. They sat behind you in your other two classes before lunch and you noticed them eyeing you as you went to sit down across from Jacob.

           “Why is half of the football team looking at you like you flashed them in the locker room?” Jacob asked as he drank some milk. You kicked him underneath the table.

           “Because I threatened them.”

           “You know not to…”

           “I’m not going to do anything and they’re not going to do anything, Jake. It’s fine. I promise.”

           “As long as you promise.” You two ate the rest of your lunch and went your separate ways – him going to find Sarah, who he had an insane crush on, and you going to your English classroom. Your daddy issues led you to be good friends with your English teacher, Mr. Marx, and you were supposed to help pass out copies of Catcher In The Rye. You were looking down at some meme Jacob had sent you when you literally ran right into Brett.

           “Whoa, little Barber!” He said. You felt your breath turn to pure fire as you sighed out, kneeling down to pick everything up that you’d dropped. “Better watch yourself.”

           “Yeah, you too.” You rolled your eyes and started walking away, toward the classroom, and for a few minutes you forgot all about Brett. You saw Jacob sit down a few minutes later and went to sit beside him, at least until the bell rang that it was time for the capture the flag game.

           You were lucky. You were on Jacob’s team, thankfully, because the person who was choosing knew that the two of you had some kind of twin telepathy. You were against Brett, which gave you the chance to kick his ass.

           “Come on, little Barber. Daddy’s not here to protect you now. You and your big brother are all alone now, and nothing is going to stop us from stomping on the two of you like a couple of cockroaches.” That was it. You’d had enough of the taunting, enough of the teasing, enough of the fucking bullying. Something just rose up inside of you and your fist collided with Brett’s face.

           “Miss Barber!” One of the coaches yelled, grabbing your hands and putting them behind your back like you were about to be handcuffed. “Miss Barber, that is enough!”

           “No, I don’t think so!” You said loudly, lunging back at Brett. He was laughing, even as his nose was bleeding, and he wiped the blood away.

           “You’re going to wish you hadn’t done that,” Brett said. You rolled your eyes and walked to the principal’s office, right through the double doors and right into the actual office. The coach sat you down in one of the chairs and walked off, leaving the principal to tell you how things were going to go.

           “Who am I calling? Your mom or your dad?”

           “My dad, I guess,” you shrugged. Usually it was him that dealt with things like this since the courthouse wasn’t too far from school. He was also a lot nicer to you than your mom was, and the earlier he came home the later she was able to work. You watched as the principal called your dad and hung the phone up after he said he was coming.

           “So you’ve progressed from acting out in class to punching other students?”

           “A natural progression, don’t you think?” You said, crossing your arms against your chest. You heard the bell ring and not a minute later, your brother was walking in there, still in his gym clothes.

           “What did you do, Y/n?” He asked you. You could tell that he was angry.

           “I punched him because he was being an asshole.” You looked behind you to see that he was looking at the principal.

           “Mr. Barber, you should go back to class. Your father will be here soon too deal with your sister.” Jacob looked at you this time. You nodded and he left, turning and walking out of the office. “Miss Barber, you do realize that this is a suspension?”

           “A suspension? You’re kidding me, right? He provoked me. I didn’t just try to break a guy’s nose!”

           “You did break his nose, regardless of your intention,” the principal said.

           “I’m not saying anything else until my dad gets here,” you replied, sitting back in the chair, arms crossed.

           “Fine by me.” The principal left you in the room, probably to go complain to one of the ladies at the front office who just agreed with everything he said because he was kind of creepy, and you sat there. You texted Jacob back, saying apparently you were getting suspended, and he only responded that your mom was probably going to be pissed. You were counting on your dad being a little less angry at you. He always understood. You just hoped this wasn’t an exception to that.

           Your dad walked in a few minutes later, obviously not happy, in his suit and tie. He sat down beside you, barley looking at you twice, and the principal walked in behind him. Then he adjusted his seat at his desk, turned his computer monitor the other way, and glared at you. He looked from you to your father and then back again, finally sighing and clasping his hands together.

           “So, Miss Barber, are you going to explain what happened to your father?”

           “Brett kept attacking me, verbally, until I lost my temper. Apparently I broke his nose.” Your father turned toward you, a look of disgust on his face.

           “You what?”

           “Did you even hear me? He was attacking me all day, he always does and he always gets away with it because he’s a linebacker and they get away with everything,” you explained further, hoping that your father would just fucking listen to you. But he wasn’t having any of it. He glared at you, rubbing his temples, and shook his head.

           “I’m proposing a one week’s suspension for her. Her brother can get all of her work for her, but for the next week she is not allowed to step foot on school property. And on top of that, she’s going to write a letter to Brett explaining that she’s sorry for breaking his nose.” You sighed.

           “Un-fucking-believable,” you muttered under your breath.

           “LANGUAGE!” Your father turned to you and grabbed onto your arm. “I need to get you home before your mom starts to wonder.”

           “But I-” You started to say. But your father yanked you up, barely giving you enough time to take your backpack with you, and nearly pushed you out of the school. His car was parked right in front of the doors and you got in, kind of afraid to hear what he was going to say. He drove aggressively, even by his standards, and pulled into the house a little bit father than he normally would. You didn’t want him to talk to you, so you tried to get your key out. But he came up behind you and pressed his palm to the kitchen door. You looked behind you before letting the door swing open.

           “What the hell, Y/n?” Your dad asked you.

           “I don’t want to talk about it. I already tried and you didn’t listen to me.” You started walking up the stairs, trying to prove your point, but your dad wasn’t in the mood for games. He ushered you over to the couch, all but making you sit down, and you could tell that he was absolutely fuming as he walked back and forth.

           “Why would you do that, Y/n? You already knew you were on thin ice with us. You know your mother was looking at boarding schools for you? So we could keep you out of trouble?”

           “If you’d listen to me you would know that I didn’t just punch him to punch somebody!” You said over him. Tears were coming to your eyes and you knew you were about to break down and cry even though you didn’t want to. You wanted to stop being such a crybaby at everything.

           “So you’re telling me you did this, for what? To get attention?”

           “No, I did it because he was bullying me and Jake and he wouldn’t leave me alone! I just got mad and I reacted.”

           “You just reacted. Right,” he said, hands on his hips, shaking his head. “This isn’t a reaction, Y/n, this is assault.”

           “I didn’t do it just to do it! I’m sorry!”

           “Sorry isn’t good enough!” You stood up then, tears in your eyes, and walked away. You knew that wasn’t what he meant. You knew he meant that you weren’t good enough. He never saw the good things you did, only the bad, so why would this be any different? Why would he actually fucking listen to you this one time?

           You slammed your bedroom door and slung your backpack onto the floor, making sure you didn’t hit your laptop, and you took out your phone. You opened up the text messages between you and Jacob – Week’s suspension. Dad still won’t listen to me.

           A whole week? It’s not even that bad!

           That’s what I said! He hates me J.

           He doesn’t hate you.

           He thinks I’m doing it to get attention.

           You are doing it to get attention.

           Not like that! The blue bubble said that Jacob was typing for another few seconds before you got a ping.

           I’ll talk to him when I get home. Mom said she’d be late so maybe everything will be fine when she gets home.

           Thanks. You shut your phone off, knowing that your dad was probably going to do something crazy like log into your account and try to say that you were planning all of this all along, just to get his attention. You kind of were, but not in the way that he thought. You just wanted him to fucking listen to you about this, to listen to why you had punched the guy instead of focusing on the fact that you’d done it.

           You heard the door open and shut in another few minutes and looked at your phone, realizing Jacob must be home. You didn’t even notice you were crying until you wiped your tears away. You were sitting on the floor of your bedroom, crying, and you were absolutely ridiculous. All of this over a stupid bully, but all of it came down to the simple fact that your dad just didn’t listen to anything you said. And if he couldn’t even listen to you about this, what would he listen about?

           You couldn’t really hear what was going on downstairs, but there was no yelling. Of course there wasn’t. Sometimes you thought that maybe things would be better if it was just your parents and Jacob – no you, no problems. That’s what you were, to all of them, even if Jacob didn’t want to admit it. A problem. A big fucking problem.

           There was a knock on your door a few minutes after that and your father walked in, looking at you on the floor, and he sighed. He took a seat across from you, crossing his legs, leaning his back up against your bed. He looked you up and down, noticing that you’d been trying to be quiet and there were little half-moon shapes on your arms from your fingernails digging into your skin. He noticed that you were crying.

           “Jacob told me what that guy said to you.” You sniffled.

           “What, that the kid called us cockroaches? Or said that Daddy wasn’t around to protect us? Or the cracks that he makes all the time and expects me to be okay with it?” Your dad sighed.

           “He didn’t tell me all of that.”

           “I can’t believe that it took him telling you for you to stop hating me.” Your father thought about it for a minute, eyebrows furrowing, and shook his head.

           “I’m sorry. I should’ve listened to you from the beginning. But I’m listening now, so tell me what happened.”

           “I just lost it. And I knew I would be in trouble because he never gets in trouble, for anything he does. And he does this all the time, not just to me and Jake. He does it to everyone. And I just got really really mad. And then the principal didn’t listen to me, and you thought I was just doing it for attention, which brings us back to the fact that you don’t listen to me. You never listen to me. And the only reason you are now is because Jacob is making you, because let’s be honest, everything would be so much better if I wasn’t such a problem.”

           “A problem? Sweetie, you’re not a problem.”

           “Then why won’t you listen to me? Why do you always assume I’m the one to throw the first punch?”

           “I don’t know. Maybe it’s easy to believe that you’d be mad at us instead of some other kid. But that’s our fault. That’s my fault for not listening to you and believing you. But that also doesn’t change the fact that you got physically violent with a kid just because he talked you into it.” You nodded, knowing that he was right.

           “I don’t know if I’m doing it for attention or not, but maybe if you’d pay me some I would know.” Your dad reached his arm out for you to come hug him so you did, leaning against him as he hugged you to his side.

           “I’m sorry, sweetie. But you still can’t punch him. Even if he is a stupid linebacker.”

           “I know. I just got mad.”

           “You’ll have to work on that.” You both sat there for a few more minutes before your mom’s car door shut and your dad sighed. “I’ll go talk to your mom. Everything’s gonna be fine, okay?”

           “Okay.” You watched him leave your room and sniffled once again, ready to face your mom the same way you’d faced your dad. Jacob walked into the open doorway, leaning against the frame.

           “I didn’t hear any yelling. Is everything okay?”

           “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

A/N: I’m sorry this took so long to get out! I’m having a lot of family things going on at once so I haven’t been able to write. I hope you like it still!!

Taglist (if you’d like to be added, send me an ask or a message!): @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

#andy barber angst #andy barber x daughter!reader #andy barber imagine #defending jacob imagine

[lotusthekat]

Help is just around the corner (for us)

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: G

Relationships: Platonic Lars & Steven

Characters: Steven Quartz Universe, Lars Barriga, Lion; other characters are only mentioned

Summary: “Hey, it’s not a big deal. I’ve been through worse,” Steven insists.

“Dude, you’ve been wincing the entire time, don’t tell me it’s not a big deal,” Lars mocks, annoyed.

Steven can’t help shivering inside - both at Lars’ observation and his tone. He’s seen Lars angry, of course… but never because of this.

--

Sometimes, Steven's healing powers don't quite work, but it's nothing he hasn't dealt with before. Yet Lars is... surprisingly upset about it.

Word count: 2.226

AO3 / Fanfiction

A/N: Don’t mind me writing self-indulgent stuff for my boys in the very year of 2021 *peace sign*

Half inspired by loubuttons’ “Rare and Sweet As Cherry Wine” and a comment on another Lars & Steven fic, Novantinuum’s “The Brother on the Other Side”. Both are great fics and they’re on AO3 :)

Title is from Help Is Round the Corner by Coldplay.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - past bullying/abuse, major character injury, flashback and trauma

--

“Hold on – what the heck is that?”

The outraged question was so far from expected, that Steven almost drops the bowl he was supposed to grab. The boy wonders if there’s something wrong with the bowl, until he realizes that Lars’ eyes are glued to his arm. His pink sleeve has fallen off, revealing the wound from earlier.

“Oh, I- I got in a gem fight earlier, but it’s nothing really!” Steven reassures him, “My healing powers will take care of it… eventually,” he then doesn’t sound as confident, admittedly.

Immediately after, Lars grabs him to the nearest chair and rushes to find a first-aid kit somewhere in his house. When he returns, Lars is inspecting his arm with desperate focus.

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I’ve been through worse,” Steven insists.

“Dude, you’ve been wincing the entire time, don’t tell me it’s not a big deal ,” Lars mocks, annoyed.

Steven can’t help shivering inside - both at Lars’ observation and his tone. He’s seen Lars angry, of course… but never because of this.

Basically, Steven got into a fight with a group of gems in outer space. He’s received plenty of reports of gems that turned against Homeworld’s new system – and Steven’s decisions specifically – yet he found out too late that a specific group was larger than he anticipated. There was no time to call for help when he was attacked mercilessly, but he called the Diamonds after it was over, at least.

His healing powers usually do most of the job for him after battles, but lately they haven’t been working as well as they should - even though Steven consistently watches over his hydration and health. He’s not sure what’s happening, but he believed he could figure it out for himself, so he hasn’t told the gems… yet.

Regardless, Lars works on soothing the wound as gently as possible, despite his serious frown. Steven struggles to swallow through the pain, though it eventually gets better once Lars is almost finished.

“Are there any other injuries you’re hiding?” The pink boy demands.

Steven shakes his head. Lars then begins bandaging the former’s arm, and it’s definitely better now that it’s not burning… yet Steven can’t help raising an eyebrow at his friend’s behavior.

“Hey, don’t be mad,” Steven tries to tell him.

It’s no use in saying that, because Lars promptly and angrily ignores Steven as he insists on bandaging his arm.

“Lars,” the younger boy tries again, “I’m okay, you don’t need to–”

“Except I do, because you’re a knucklehead .”

Steven blinks and frowns, affirming, “I can take care of myself.”

Lars simply stares at him with an unamused look.

“What? It’s true!” Steven exclaims in defense. “You don’t believe me?”

As a response, Lars shakes his head in disapproval and looks away. Before the other thinks through it, Steven’s voice raises, “Fine, it’s not like everyone else takes me seriously!”

The older boy’s eyes widen. “Wait, Steven, that’s not what I meant–”

“Oh, really? Because I’m tired of everyone treating me like a baby!” Steven steams. “I’m sixteen now! I saved the entire galaxy! What else do I have to do for you to realize I grew up?!”

“That’s exactly the problem, Steven!” Lars argues. “You can’t keep doing everything alone because you think you have to!”

“What do you know? You’re not a Diamond!”

“But I know you’re still a kid and you deserve help!”

“I’m not a kid, and I didn’t ask for your help!” Steven pushes his hand away, harshly.

Instead of yelling more, however, the look on Lars’ face disperses Steven’s anger. He looks… hurt. Really hurt, like those particular words left a wound on him. Steven’s heart drops in regret.

“Lars… I…”

The other boy looks away and mentions nothing for dragging minutes. Steven doesn’t know what to say, because what he feels is true, but he didn’t mean to sound so ungrateful, either. This is why he’s never confronted anyone.

When Steven senses a hand hesitantly reaching his, he almost flinches.

“I think you should go rest, at least,” Lars suggests, not demanding like before; yet his voice is awfully quiet. “We don’t want you getting worse, right?”

Steven would have protested but he genuinely doesn’t know what to say to make up for it.

“... Right.”

Lars nods in silence. “Do you want to go home?”

Maybe he shouldn’t, Steven considers. He should really apologize to Lars; he’s not one to run away from his mistakes.

“Yeah… okay,” The sixteen-year-old replies.

There’s no other argument. Steven gazes at his bright, messy pink hair that covers his friend’s eyes. Sighing, Steven enters the pink, hairy dimension and arrives home in no time. When there, he greets Lion taking over his bed. This time, the half-gem doesn’t tell him to get off.

Lion’s gaze already tells him the big cat is looking through him as usual. Steven knows Lion can’t talk, but it’s not like there’s anyone else.

“I shouldn’t have been so hard on Lars,” Steven admits. “I know he cares, it’s just…” he pauses once remembering Lars’ look from earlier.

It hurt, but not only because Steven was rude. There was something else about it, too. It was a different kind of hurt. A pain so ingrained, so deep that words might not be able to describe it. And to think Steven brought this hurt to Lars…

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Steven whispers wetly. Right now, he doesn’t sound like he’s sixteen.

Lion snuggles against Steven to comfort him. The boy leans back on him, tears filling his eyes.

You’re still a kid and you deserve help!

(Does he?)

--

Honestly, it doesn’t look that bad.

He manages to sneak to the bathroom, after quickly replying to the usual “how was school today?”. His parents don’t really check in on him – though he doesn’t know if he’d want them to.

Because Lars knows he’s just a stupid, whiny kid. He cries too easily, he yells a lot and gets pathetically hurt too often. Who would want to help him? His teachers certainly don’t. If he went to the nursery again, they would call his parents and he’d be exposed and punished. He’d be even more humiliated for having both of them baby him in front of everyone.

Lars locks himself in the bathroom, contemplating his dirty t-shirt, his scratched arms and the ugly purple smudging his face. Well, it’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with. He’s hidden some of his mom’s make-up to cover the worst of it, and the first-aid kit can be easily found. It’s far from perfect but it’s enough not to raise too many questions. As for the t-shirt, he could lie he was playing in the dirt and tripped. He’s said this for so long, they believe everything he says.

Problem is, he won’t stop crying.

He knows it’s his fault. Everyone tells him that. Lars has to deal with this alone. So what? This shouldn’t make him so emotional.

Yet his head hurts from crying too much, even more so than the purple in his cheek. The tears are burning hot, and all Lars wants is to hit something, yell, do anything because he wants so badly to give up .

… but he can’t. He shouldn’t.

Lars is twelve , for crying out loud. A teenager. School has never been easy. He should’ve learned at this point.

He can’t keep being lame.

He’s…

He’s a big boy now. It’s what his dad tells him.

Lars dries his tears with his arm, and glares determinedly at the mirror.

Yeah, he’s a big boy now. He doesn’t need coddling.

Lars will prove to everyone he can be cool and he will finally be accepted. Yeah, that’s right. He’ll get over it and be great.

(Lars tells no one, however, that he might still cry himself to sleep some nights.)

--

This time, Steven takes the longer path to Lars’ house – because he can think of something to tell him on the way. Today is cloudy, with high chances of raining. If anything, it makes him a little more uneasy.

Steven shouldn’t have left Lars alone yesterday, but at the same time he knew he couldn’t do much. He still hasn’t quite processed what Lars meant – that Steven deserved help, and the way Lars reacted to Steven’s outburst… he didn’t want to assume anything, so the half-gem figures it wasn’t the right time to ask. Well, that’s what he’s telling himself. He can only hope Lars is okay.

When he gets to Lars’ home, Steven swallows the hardest lump he’s… ever swallowed. He has to do this, though. It’s the right thing to do, and he cares about Lars. He’s not going to run away.

… but then he notices Lars isn’t inside. No, he’s actually standing on the porch, gazing at seemingly nowhere in midst of the many other houses. He holds the same distant and pained gaze from yesterday. Steven takes a deep breath and heads on awkwardly. Lars doesn’t seem to notice him until Steven has already climbed the few stairs.

“Steven?” Lars greets him with relative shock.

The younger boy clears his throat. “Hey… are you, um, doing okay?”

Lars exhales, in what sounds to be exhaustion and… fondness. “Yeah. Yeah…” As soon as Steven rubs his arms, though, his reaction is quite another. “Does it still hurt?” he asks, eyes wide and worried.

“No, no! It’s fine now, I swear,” Steven tells the truth. Lars believes him and sighs.

“Right. Okay.”

They both look away.

“D… Do you mind if I…” Steven nervously gestures at the space beside him. Lars thankfully gets it as he nods.

Steven settles in close, almost enough for their arms to brush. He plays with his hands for quite a while, unsure how to begin. Lars lets out no words, either. He’s as quiet as the town today.

“Lars,” Steven tries, “I’m…” His eyes begin to twitch. He swallows again, “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lars speaks up, tone low. He pauses for a moment before saying, “I shouldn’t have called you a knucklehead.”

“No, you’re right! I am a knucklehead. I always take up a lot more than I can. It’s…” He sighs as he rubs the back of his neck, unsure if he should go on. “Everyone always expects me to do all these- these things, because if I don’t…” Steven swallows, “I feel like I won’t be worth it. I fear everyone’s going to pay for what I do wrong.”

He senses Lars staring back at him, maybe in shock over how strong these words are. Steven has never quite admitted it to anyone else, and never so clearly to himself.

“And I didn’t expect you to be upset, either,” the half-gem continues. “Like, it’s become so normal to me that I feel like I’ve convinced everyone not to worry about me. So, they don’t. I don’t get many questions and then I’m…”– he clenches his fist –“I’m alone.”

Steven leans on the porch, isolated raindrops hitting the wooden house. He smells the rain, the wet plants and flowers from afar. Some of the rain hits his face softly. The ambient noises are the only ones to speak at the moment. Despite the rain, everything seems so… clear.

Eventually, though, Lars is the one that approaches him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Listen, I… I get it,” Lars tells him. “Maybe not the ‘being a Diamond’ part, or the ‘savior of the galaxy’ part, but I get you have wounds you can’t show others. Even if you want to, even if you’re hurting badly”– his eyes fall upon Steven’s arm sadly –“you’re not ready to show them. You might not be ready to show in a long time, you don’t know.”

At this, he turns Steven around slightly to face him.

“I just want you to know, you can trust me with that stuff. You don’t need to hide your wounds from me,” Lars reassures him. “I might get upset, yeah… but I’d rather know than have no idea what’s going on with you. Because I care about you, Steven, and I can’t stand the thought of you hurt and me not being able to help.”

Steven won’t lie, he might cry right now. He hasn’t realized how badly he needed to hear this. That it’s okay to hurt. Because, being honest, he’s so tired. Nothing ever ends, and his happily ever after might never come.

“But, uh, you don’t have to come to me, if you don’t want to. I won’t judge. Just… know that I’m here for you, okay?” Lars adds. Right after, Steven replies with a jump hug, because he wants this. He does.

They hold one another while the rain goes on outside. Once it’s gotten worse, they go inside, and soon after Steven is wrapped up in a blanket and he’s glued to Lars on the couch.

It’s nice.

#steven universe #steven universe future #steven quartz universe #lars barriga #su lion #fanfiction #bullying tw #abuse tw #flashback tw #brotp

[86-was-his-year]

Totally Rad | p.s.h

Warnings: Bullying, near sexual harassment, violence, swearing, domestic violence, anxiety, lots of crying, if you have an issue with any of these please don’t read this isn’t the right book for you.

Summary: It’s 1985 and arcades are the perfect place to meet your soulmate.

A/N: This took like 2 months and it’s like 12,000 words please don’t let this flop. Sorry for spelling errors I proofread as much as I could handle. 

The wind blows harshly as I make my way to the small arcade around the corner. It's a chilly October morning in 1985 and my thin sweater isn't doing enough to keep the wind out. I watch as the cars pass me by, all looking ahead ready to get to their desired destinations. They barely turned an eye toward a freezing kid on the side of the road, nobody trusted each other anymore. The small arcade came into view and I saw the doors filled with flyers and posters for new games that came in, as well as a small logo dead center.

'Pips Arcade'

The perfect job for a senior in high school. It was easy to work around here but I'd rather do this than scoop ice cream for the annoying kids down at the mall or be an assistant in a small news office. They treat women like slaves over there, my friend Betty told me so. She can't get a better job so she's currently stuck there.

"Y/N! You made it!" Maria, a small 15 year old girl stood behind the counter giving some kid their coins before telling them to have fun. She was always optimistic when it came to working, especially with the kids that came in.

"I'm five minutes early." She acted like I wasn't coming at all. Sometimes people really did leave her there and she called me at home to take her shift because she couldn't be out late. It wasn't her fault she was paranoid but it irked me just a tad to think that she thought I wasn't coming.

"I know. You're always early." She signed off on the slip of paper and I signed in before setting my things in the back room.

"Have a good night, Maria." The gave her a wide smile before shooing her away.

"Hey, my family is having a bonfire to burn all of our junk. Do you want to come. My parents would really like to meet you!" She held the door open for some more kids before turning back to me.

"I'll think about it." My response was short but I didn't hurt her feelings. I didn't plan on going but there was no reason to tell her that. Knowing her she'll invite five more people before hearing an official response from me. She's always been the type to make friends no matter who they were. It was kind of a gift if I was being honest.

"Bye!" She waved and let the door shut on it's own a small drift catching it's way in causing me to shiver behind the counter. It was really time to invest in a coat but with the stress of trying to buy a car and help my parents stay afloat it really wasn't the time to be selfish.

My family. An easy way to explain them would be dysfunctional, abusive, selfish. My older brother had left when he got the chance, but not before sticking it to my dad. I got beat for that one. We occasionally talk but its usually on holidays or if I can get access to a phone. Sometimes if the arcade is slow I borrow Pips landline and call my brother, he seldom answers. I look around at the kids and wonder why they get it so good, how a 10 year old can get two dollars from their mom or dad to get coins at the arcade. If I found money as a kid it was going straight to my parents no questions asked, the scar on my right hip reminds me of that.

"Excuse me miss?" I was pulled from my thoughts as a small kid walked up to the counter, "May I have some more coins please?" He put a dollar on the counter and I took it with a smile, handing him six coins back. Pip likes to be real generous so instead of the regular four coins he has us give them six, hes nice like that.

"Have fun." He laughed and ran away to give some to his friend. Sometimes I envy that. The look he gets when he has someone to talk to, someone to share with. I never had enough to share anything. I was about to go back into my thoughts when the bell in the door rang I turned to say a greeting and I stopped when I saw four teens walk through the door. They were jocks and anyone with a pair of eyes could see that, their varsity jackets clinging to their arms like a medal.

"Hello." I got over my shock and said a mandatory greeting, Pip likes us to be formal.

"Hi!" One of them shooed the others away and walked towards me. The closer he got the more intimidated and fidgety I became. At school jocks were known for unnecessary violence and bullying, I was always a target.

"W-what can can I get for you?" I felt my eyes slightly widen at my stutter it hadn't come out in years yet here it was crawling back up my throat. It was something I learned to control a while ago, my father insisting I not speak until I dealt with it. The boy looked at me and I saw something flash across his eyes it didn't look malicious to harmful but it looked different. Not like when my dad got angry after hearing my stutter. It was something else, something warm.

"Can I get some coins for a five?" He pulled out a five dollar bill and slid it across the counter putting his hands back into his pocket after I took the bill.

"Sure." I put the bill into the register and typed the number into the coin slot. I grabbed a small bag and put it under the receiver just to make it easier for him.

"Hey, you go to OS right?" I stopped in my tracks, "I think I've seen you around." I pressed the button and let the coins fall into the bag.

"Yeah, I do." I looked back and saw him watching me. I turned back to the coins and pulled them away from the receiver once it was done filling. I twisted the back and put it up onto the counter.

"You're a senior right, I think we have AP US History together." I looked down at my hands before looking back up at him.

"Maybe I'm not sure. I don't really talk to anyone in that class." I smiled lightly before looking away, keeping eye contact was so hard for me it almost felt impossible.

"Hey, Park!" He turned back and shooed his friends away for just a second.

"Well, I'll keep an eye out for you. You got a name?" I took a breath and pushed my fear away. I wasn't just going to leave him hanging I know it would haunt me for months to come. I wasn't going to be that girl.

"It's Y/N." I smiled at him and he smiled back, his teeth shining so bright I could almost think they were fake.

"Pretty, I'll see you around, Y/N." He took the bag from the counter and smoothly walked away. The way my name rolled off his lips made my heart skip a beat or two. I had never gotten attention like that and I couldn't help but want more of it, for some reason it felt good to be acknowledged by him. All my life it was beat her, call her names, make sure that she knows she's trash and soon I began to believe it but hes making me feel different. He even called my name pretty.

I scolded myself. I couldn't be thinking about this I didn't even know his name, I mean I know his last name is Park but only because it says it on his jacket. His last name with a big two on the back in black, white, and red, OS colors. Why didn't I see it before logically I should've known as soon as he walked in. I guess my fear just blinded my brain. I really wanted to look at him again and I looked up to find some of his friends looking at me, a small smile on their faces. I quickly looked away and went to cleaning under the shelves. Maria really needed to learn how to keep organized.

Time passed in the small arcade and kids came and went with smiles and laughs. It was great to see them happy. Them talking about girls or boys that they had crushes on or how their math teacher sucks Donkey Kong's dick, yes that's something I've actually heard. All their juvenile fears and worries are something that I have envied for so long. Sometimes my brain thinks of what my family could have been and honestly it's just my subconscious throwing a pity party for myself.

"Hey Y/N?" The boy from earlier came up to the counter with a little girl had to be no more than 8, her black hair pulled up in two ponytails secured with a pink ribbons. He smiled and slid another five over, "Can I get some more coins please?" I smiled and nodded taking the five and repeating the process over again. I put the coins in the bag and slid them back across the counter.

"Now," he crouched down to her level and handed her all the coins. "go take these and share them with the rest of the kids okay. You'll have so many friends you won't even believe." He patted the little girls shoulder and watched her as she ran off the coin jingling in her grasp.

"Thank you mister." She waved and went over to a small group of kids, offering the coins to play with her they all screamed in glee and hugged her. So, it was that easy to make friends huh?

"Why did you do that?" I couldn't hold back the curiosity he spent 10 dollars here today, 10 dollars. That's a lot for an arcade and money usually isn't tossed around like that.

"She was crying over there. She had no coins and no friends it's hard out there if you have no friends. Look at that," he pointed to the gathering at Pac Man. The girl was laughing and watching some boy play. "instant happiness."

"Why are you so nice?" The question came out like rushing water. I didn't want to push him because for all I know he could come out and be a total jerk.

"Where would I be in life if I was rude? There's really no point." He shrugged and leaned on the counter, his stance was calm. He watches his friends mess around at street fighter and he watched the girl with her new found friends at Pac Man.

"But you're a jock. You have every right to be rude." I sounded defensive and I urged myself to relax, my shoulder were tensed and my hands were crossed at my chest, my body basically telling him that I didn't trust him.

"I mean I play a sport yeah, and I have a bunch of friends but that doesn't give me the right to be rude. I think it's just a stereotype to be completely honest, based on some assholes who were jocks you know. Being a jerk only gets you alone." His words really rang true, I was stereotyping him and I found myself disgusted with myself.

"I'm sorry." I let my hands fall against the counter, finally relaxing.

"Its alright. I mean it's a stereotype for a reason. Some jocks do think they can get away with being rude. Not this one." He smiled and pointed to himself.

"I never got your name." I said pulling over the stool that sat there for slow days.

"Oh, its Seonghwa. Park Seonghwa." He pushed out his hand and I took it with a smile. He went back to leaning against the counter but this time he was facing me.

"Do you live around here?" He asked smiling. He held my eye contact and I found my heart skipping a few beats again.

"Um, no it's like 10 blocks away." I pointed in the direction my house and I finally took notice of the sky outside. The sun had set and it looked pitch black except for the dim yellow street lights that lit the roads.

"I didn't see another car in the parking lot, do you walk?" Worry flashes across his face and I found myself not wanting to tell him the truth. I had a feeling it would worry him even more if I confirmed his suspicions.

"Yeah but it really doesn't feel like a long time." I waved him off and smiled. He opened his mouth to say something but his friends interrupted him.

"Hey, Hwa I gotta get home. My moms got a casserole in the oven. Wanna join, you know she loves you." A short boy with blonde hair came up to Seonghwa and put an arm around him.

"No, I can't I got family plans tonight but I'll take you home." He stood up fully and the guys arm fell back to his side, not being able to comfortably sit on Seonghwas broad shoulders.

"And who's this pretty lady?" I found my cheeks heating up at the compliment. He seemed slick and his feline eyes held deep brown orbs. They are soft but sharp at the same.

"Guys this is Y/N, Y/N these are the guys." He moved out of the way and I stood up to politely greet them.

"Wooyoung." The blonde haired boy waved and moved to the side.

"Yeosang." He has beautiful auburn hair and brown eyes that I could stare into forever.

"Hongjoong." The last guy had light brown hair that came to a mullet at the end. And on his hand I saw one painted fingernail.

I hated to make the observation but Seonghwa really was better looking than all of them. With his tanned skin and heading highlights nobody in this group matched his complexion, he was almost unreal.

"It was really nice to meet you Y/N. We'll see you around." Seonghwa held the door open for his friends and waved to me as the door shut, letting the cold night air in again. I waved back and sighed my gut telling me that they were just going to tall about how ugly I was on the ride home. My brain really wouldn't let me have anything good.

"Hey kids, I'm gonna have to ask you to finish up your games." I went out from behind the counter and started shutting down the games that were being used, alas it was closing time at Pip's Arcade. One by one the kids walked out the door to their parents or I saw groups of them riding away on bikes the ideal transportation for kids these days. I began to wish that I had a bike when I was younger, the thought of being able to ride away from my parents whenever I wanted to because a little fantasy of mine. Maybe that's why they never let me buy a bike, I mean if I ever learned how to ride a bike that's what I would be doing.

I began to do small chores like wiping down the screens of the games as well as the windows and doors to the arcade. The keys and joysticks have already been disinfected and all the coins that were used today were put in a separate bucket to keep inventory. I refilled up the coin machine and double checked that everything else was stocked.

The bathrooms were usually the worst part, sometimes kids didn't flush and there was literal shit everywhere or the paper towels and toilet paper were thrown haphazardly around the room. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as it usually was, a couple napkins and candy wrappers here and there but nothing too bad and for sure nothing that I couldn't handle.

The last thing to do was to do a once-over of everything to make sure that it was all good before locking the back door and taking the trash out of the front, locking the glass doors behind me. Each one of the closing staff has a key of their own so we could just close up and Pip wouldn't have to worry about coming to close it up at night. I put the trash in the side bin and turned to go home.

"Hey, pretty girl!" I turned around in shock to find Seonghwa sitting on one of the small decorative poles we had set up at the front, a bag of colorful candy in his hand. He looked me straight in the eyes and pulled some of the gummy candy out of the bag before popping one side in his mouth, stretching it until it broke off his his teeth.

"Seonghwa, what are you doing here? Don't you have family plans?" I tightened my grip on the backpack strap on my shoulder and took a deep breath. This is where he takes me around the corner and slits my throat and no one will ever find my body like with that one handsome murderer. What was his name again?

"Just thought you might like a ride. It's too cold to walk without a coat now." He finished off his gummy and put the rest in his pocket. He hopped off the pole and walked over to me.

"You really don't have to. I can walk." I looked you at him and I finally realized how tall he really was. My neck had a small stretch from looking up at him and I literally just started. His skin was also so smooth I wouldn't believe he was a teenager, it was almost like he was a robot. I mean my dad was saying that Russia made robots already but that was only when he was drunk.

"Well, I really want to." He looped his arm around my shoulders and guided me to the car opening the door for me to slide right in. His car was actually really nice it was clean which was a really big plus. The seats were black and the outside was a light blue a really good match for him.

I sat on the plush leather seats and held my bag on my lap, not knowing till now how uncomfortable it was to sit in a bar with a backpack. He opened his door and hopped in putting on his seat belt and then started the car. The engine sounded impressive for how the car looked but then again I haven't sat in a car for long time.

"Seat belt." He looked over at me with expectant eyes. Like I was meant to do something for him.

"What?" I looked at him in confusion and he smiled lightly.

"Here," he reaches over my chest and pushed my bag out of the way a little before grabbing something next to me and pulling it across my chest. It clicked by my hip and I looked back up at him, "seat belt." He smiled and then pit the car in reverse looking back before smoothly pulling out of the parking spot.

I guess I hadn't been a car in longer than I thought. My dad's car didn’t have seat belts or if it did he never told us. It also felt weird I was so used to walking so seeing everything go by so fast was crazy, I looked out the window to see if I could catch every single house with my eye.

"How do you get to school Y/N?" Seonghwa had his hand on the little console nub, occasionally shifting the nub making the car change in speed and the other on the steering wheel.

"I walk every morning." I looked over at him and his eyes were focused on the road.

"Your parents don't take you to school?" He shifted gears again and I gave him a small direction to turn left.

"They don't have time to take me to school anymore," like they eleven did in the first place, "I'm really fine with walking. It wakes me up in the morning." He sighed and shook his head.

"Its gonna start getting really cold soon. Do you have a coat?" He looked over at me and caught me looking at him so I turned towards the window again. I put my forehead against it and found that it was freezing, it soothed the beginnings of a headache.

"No, why do you care so much?" I didn't want to sound defensive but with the way he sighed I knew that I did.

"I don't know Y/N. You just can't go around walking in winter with no coat." He said and I pointed to the he small house at the end of the street. The rotting shingles of the cream colored house were hidden bu the darkness of the night but everyone could see the house. It looked like the drug house, every neighborhood had one. This one just happened to be my home.

"It's not winter yet." I grumbled and he chuckled.

"You are just so stubborn aren't you?" He pulled into the driveway and put the car in park.

"I mean I think I'm pretty reasonable." I shrugged and smiled at him. He looked at me and rolled his eyes with a light smile.

"I'm picking you up from now on." He turned to look straight ahead at the garage door which house an old 1950 car that my father only used to go to the bar.

"Seonghwa you can't. It's completely out of the way. It's a waste of gas." I turned to him in my seat and tried to reason with him. Even him being here now was a risk if my dad saw him taking me home we were both toast. He would kill both of us.

"It's okay. I have a good paying job. I can't just let you walk in the cold. I'll let you walk again in the springtime." He let his hands fall into his lap and he turned to me for the first time since he started this conversation. His eyes were warm and genuine, it felt calm and serene it was like the moment in the movies were nobody speaks but they just know and they kiss and gross shit. I just knew he was being genuine.

"Fine. Just park across the street and I'll walk to your car, okay?" I looked down at the seat belt and began to try and pull it off. It just kept getting tighter and tighter and I sighed looking for something for it to unlock.

"Deal." He reached towards my hip and the pressure on my lap disappeared. The buckle went back to its place by the door and I smiled, I was so dumb. I grabbed the handle and opened the door.

"Bye Seonghwa." I grabbed the frame of the door and was going to shut it when he stopped me,

"Hey wait," he reached into his pocket and pulled put the candy, "for making my day." I took the bag with a smile and gave him a small wave before heading into the house.

The door creaked and I turned around to watch Seonghwa pull out of the driveway and back down the street. I shut the door quietly and locked it up, knowing my dad would have a fit if he woke up and it wasn't locked. He was asleep in his easy chair the light snoring in the living room telling me to go nowhere near there. I put my bag back on my shoulders and walked quietly into the kitchen grabbing a plate from the fridge before making my way up the stairs.

My mom was one of the exceptions to the abuse and the dysfunction. She married my father when they were young, she had no idea what he would become. She told me once that she was going to just run away and leave but then she found out that she was pregnant with my brother and she stayed. She was a flower in the desert, it's what I like to call her.

"Mommy?" I put the plate and my bag in my room before taking to the hallways to find her.

"In here dear," I followed her voice to the bathroom. She was in the bath her hair pulled up and a book in her hands, "I borrowed this from your room. Hope you don't mind but I've read all mine twice already." She laughed and folded the book to show me the cover. IT by Stephen King. It came out earlier this year and has been one of my favorite books up to date.

"Not at all, mind if I eat in here with you?" I waited until she nodded to go grab my plate. It was meatloaf and mashed potatoes my father's favorite. He must have been in a bad mood today, the fresh bruise on my moms arm was also a dead giveaway. She knows that I see it and yet I don't say anything. I know it breaks her heart.

"So, this Stephen guy is kind of messed up." She flipped the page and then folded the corner, which made my heart die a little but I let her do it because I love my mom.

"Yeah, I think he's made a couple of others and there all messed up. They have like murder and like spiritual powers and stuff. He's the new King of horror. Get it?" I laughed at my own joke and she began chuckling as well.

"How did I make something so perfect?" He grabbed my cheek and caressed her fingers against it. They were soft and warm comforting, like ever mothers touch.

"I mean have you looked in the mirror? Look at all that beauty." I knew that if I let her indulge in how much she loved me I would begin to cry. We often cried together because we both know we deserve better than this. We deserve a nice house in a cul de sac with a good dad and husband who cooks while my mom takes her baths and reads.

"Oh shut up." She laughed and patted my head before finally putting her hands in the bath and relaxing. "How was work?" She closed her eyes but I knew she was listening. I reached over and shut the door lightly.

 "It was good. Maria thought I wasn't coming in once again." I leaned against the tub and began to finish my dinner.

"That girl needs to relax." My mom shifted in the water and the sound of water moving around instantly relaxed me.

"Well, they've left her there alone three times. That's three times too many." I put my plate off time the side and took a deep breath. "I also met a boy." My mom sucked in a deep breath and I shut my eyes tight.

"You can't bring him here. You know that right?" My moms voice turned serious and I sighed.

"He wants to pick me up every morning. He's worried cause I walk alone at night in the cold." She shifted in the water again and I knew she was looking at me.

"Y/N, you remember the last time you brought someone over? He hurt you so bad, you were so young." She caressed my hair and I felt the water droplets fall down the back of my neck.

"I told him to park across the street. Hopefully hes here after dad leaves." I sighed and leaned into her touch, a small tear leaving the corner of my eye.

"Good. Now, tell me about him. Is he cute?" The rest of the night went smoothly we talked for hours or until the water in the tub got cold then we went to her rooms after doing the dishes together and I braided her hair. We talked about Seonghwa and what I want to do when I'm older. It was really anything and everything. I fell asleep in her comforting arms as light rain began to pour from the sky.

I woke up to my mom shaking my arm. It had to be before the sun was up because the only light in the room was the light coming from the bathroom. She stood above me with a pile of clothes, "I washed these for you. Go put them away. Your father's gone." I sat up and took them from her, a fresh pair of underwear sat on the top of the pile. That meant I was able to shower today.

The water was nice and warm against my back. It has been about three days since my last shower and I was already beginning to feel grimy. After sweating at work and in my gym class it was time to take care of myself a bit. I never showered when my dad is here you never know when he'll pop in to go pee even when there's a bathroom downstairs.

My mom insisted she brush my hair and style it, something she's done ever since I was a kid. She put it in a half up half down look that was becoming more and more popular. She even sprayed a little perfume on my neck, something she only did for special occasions.

"You know I love you right?" She smiled and gave me a hug. He made eye contact in the mirror and I could see her eyes were full of love.

"I know, mommy. I love you too." I hugged her arms and then turned around for a full hug.

"Go wait for your friend. I'll see you when you get home." She kissed my forehead and I grabbed my bag from my room, the bag of gummy worms still in the front pouch. Turns out my mom had excellent timing, Seonghwa showing up right as I reached the window to watch.

"Is this a good time?" I opened the door and he greeted me with that." I nodded and put my bag on my lap reaching for the seat belt while looking for what it clicked into. The silver metal box with the red button on it seemed like a good spot and I got it in on the first try.

"So, do you live around here?" I wanted to know how far away he lived so I could measure how much has he was using to pick me up.

"Yeah, actually. Its really just right around the corner. About 3 blocks that way." He pointed to the right and I nodded. That was the rich people neighborhood, everyone knew that.

"Okay that's not horrible." I looked out the window again and watched the trees go by. It was gloomy today, the remnants of the rain still dripping from the tree branches.

"Hey, so me and a couple of friends are going to see a drive-in movie tonight. Wanna go?" His eyes were still on the road when I looked at him. Is the asking me out on a date? It was honestly a foreign concept to me but first dates are always to the movies. But he said his friends were going so it wasn't just us.

"I don't have any money." I felt embarrassed at the fact that I truly didn't have money for things like that.

"I can pay for you. Its gonna be rad." He chuckled and looked at me for assurance.

"Are you sure you want me to come?" I looked at him and found him staring at me, the look in his eyes much like the one of my mother's but different.

"Of course. I hope you like horror though." He turned back to the road and pulled into the school parking lot, finding a spot close to the door. Student athletes get privileges what can I say.

"Which one is it?" Not that I really would have an idea of what it was. I haven't seen a movie in theaters since my fifth birthday, the last birthday party I ever had.

"Aliens, it came out a couple years ago. They’re just now allowed to show it at the drive-in." The way he talked about it made me excited. His smile pulling his cheeks up and making his eyes squint. Stop. You can't think like that, hes just trying to be nice. Befriending the loner girl would make his reputation soar.

"Hey, we're here." He out his hand on my shoulder and I instantly flinched. I chuckled and shook it off.

"Sorry I was thinking about how cool that movie is going to be. I'll come." I could stick it to my dad for one night. Tell them that Maria asked me to take her shift tonight. Easy enough.

"Awesome!" I couldn't help but think about the look in his eyes after I flinched at his touch. It was just so natural to be afraid if anyone's touch but my mother's. Her loving hugs and touches were the only good contact I had with people in this world. Even my brother couldn't compare.

I got out of the car and instantly felt eyes on me. Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Hongjoong were all waiting by the doors for him and a couple of others standing next to them as well. They all waved and smiled and walked over to us. They were positively magnetic, wherever they went new eyes followed their movements and in turn they all went to me the new person in the group.

"Hey Pretty Lady!" Wooyoung out his hand up in the air and recoiled a bit before realizing that it was just a high five I pulled it off by doing some weird hand movements to reach his high five. They laughed and whooped causing more attention to shift to us.

"So, Y/N's going to be coming to the movies with us today. Is that cool with everybody?" They all agreed and nodded. I felt accepted already into this large group of jocks and I couldn't help but feel a little powerful.

"Oh, this is Yunho, San, Mingi, and Jongho." Wooyoung pointed at a bunch of different people and I shot a small wave to all of them.

"I'm Y/N nice to meet you." I smiled and laughed as they all shot greetings my way.

"Alright guys let's go." Hongjoong led the way into the doors and I felt Seonghwas arm slip around my shoulders. Honestly I was thankful for his touch, as all the eyes and the whispers began to become too loud to my ears his warm arm was there to pull me back to him. Almost like a gravitational pull.

"I'll see you in US history." He branched off the other way and I was back to being alone. In a sea of monsters who all wanted to stop me and talk but I brushed past until I finally got to my English class where my isolation began all over again. It was really nothing special everything the teacher taught I knew already, I was way ahead in the book we were reading so all there was left to do was stare out the window and hope that the bell would ring soon.

The halls were way more crowded than I remember them being, everyone trying to get to their lockers or whatever class they were going to, lines behind the vending machine and the bathroom doors swinging open and closed. It was all so much and all the eyes staring at me made my skin crawl with unease. Around every corner it was "the girl who is friends with the football team".

"Hey," an arm slipped around my shoulders once more but I knew who it was, "how was your class?" I leaned into his shoulder and sighed.

"It was fine. Really nothing interesting, it's senior English." I chuckled and breathed in his scent. He was wearing a grey turtleneck and black pants, no varsity jacket to be found a plain outfit but it was nice. It smelled warm and calm, and mixed with his natural scent it was practically heaven. Maybe it's weird to like the way he smells but I didn't tell my olfactory senses to hop on it.

"I get that much. I take that third and fourth term. Maybe you can help me, cause you're just too smart." His voice turned to a mocking tone and I chuckled, hitting his stomach lightly.

"I did not say that." I pushed a little closer to him and he stumbled a little but caught his footing before it was an issue.

"Sounded pretty similar if you ask me." I put my head fully on his shoulder and just enjoyed the moment. He was walking me to class with his arm around my shoulders, saying that yes this is my friend. We looked around the class and saw only two available seats next to each other so I sat in front of him and he sat behind me. The bell rang and I got out my stuff and that's when I began to feel his hand in my hair.

At first it was light pressure against my scalp, he was twirling my hair in his fingers I really didn't mind either on of the ways my mom helps he relax after my dad gets angry. He was twirling and braiding the strands of my hair together and then he moved up, his fingers grazing the nape of my neck causing me to flinch a little at the sensitivity there. He rubbed small circles into my skin, telling me that it was okay he want going to hurt me and I relaxed in my seat.

His fingers then went into my scalp and that's when I felt really calm. The teacher was droning on about some president or whatever but my eyelids were dropping and I couldn't care, the way he was rubbing circles into my scalp had my body loose like a goose and that's when my head fell back in his hands and I was out like a light.

"Hey, pretty girl." Someone was shaking my arm and it was then that I remembered where I was. I opened my eyes to see Seonghwa crouching next to my desk, his eyes warm and sweet like always.

"Did I fall asleep?" I yawned and sat up in my desk, multiple places in my back popping.

"Yeah, you really didn't miss much. I can give you the notes." I looked around at the class and the rest of the students were packing up, getting ready to go to lunch.

"Thanks, Seonghwa." I put my books back in my bag and zipped it up before standing up and putting in on my back. I yawned once more and Seonghwa opened his arms. Without a second thought I went into them and put my ear against his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. He put his arms around me and held my head to his chest, playing with my hair once again.

I can't imagine how we looked right now. Last night I was telling him that he couldn't pick me up or take my home but without the fear of my dad shadow over my my heart was so open to him. It felt like I had known him for years really, the way it was so easy to talk to him and have him hold me like he does was something that I couldn't wrap my head around.

"Let's go to lunch." He pulled away lightly and turned me around, lightly pushing me to walk towards the door.

"Alright alright I'm going." I groaned and walked faster until his hands fell off my shoulders. He walked next to me and grabbed his backpack straps.

"What are you gonna get? He asked while waving to some guys in the hall.

"I've got some stuff in my bag." I shrugged and looked towards the cafeteria doors. Really I was just going to eat the gummy worms that he have me yesterday. I don't have the luxury of packing a lunch, surprise surprise.

"Alright you wait here and I'll find the gang and lead you there." He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I was actually grateful that he did that for me. One of my biggest anxieties was trying to find somewhere to sit during lunch. It's not like I had friends to find during lunch.

"Hey sweet cakes." I turned around to find a guy standing there. His hair shagged against his forehead and his blues eyes burned into mine. They were close and unforgiving, it made me take a step back.

"Um, hello?" I looked around for someone to save me but the hallway was empty.

"So are you and Seonghwa a thing?" He put his hands in his jean pockets and leaned against the white wall.

"No." Part of my heart desperately wished that I could say yes but I guess it was for the best.

"Oh that's sweet. Wanna go out back and show me a good time?" He licked his dry lips and looked me up and down.

"No thank you." I took another step back but that prompted him to take a step closer.

"Of come on. You need all those men to satisfy you? I can give you what you want more than those jokers can." He moved a step closer and I put my arms up trying to tell him to keep a distance.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Seonghwa rounded the corner and in two strides he was gently pulling me away from this guy.

"Hey Hwa. I was just offering that sweet piece of ass a good time behind the bleachers. Give the old one two football ritual?" The guy laughed and licked his lips again. I watched as Seonghwa pulled the guy by his shirt and whisper something in his ear. The guys face turned from smug to terrified.

"You ever come near her again I'll break your nose." Seonghwa placed his hand on my shoulder and lead me into the cafeteria.

"That guy was a creep." Seonghwa put his arm fully around me and led me through the cafeteria.

"That's Nate for you. He didn't touch you did he?" Seonghwas eyebrows were firmly set in the middle of his forehead and his jaw was clenched.

"No, I think you got there just in time. I mean I told him no but he just kept coming." I looked up at him and saw that was still looking ahead.

"Its okay. He won't come near you again. And you tell me if anyone does that again, okay?" I nodded and he looked back to guide me to a table in the middle. It was chaos, San, Mingi, and Wooyoung were playing swords with their pencils, Yeosang, Jongho, and Yunho were trying to throw food in each others mouths, and Hongjoong was shaking his head as he watched this all fold out.

"Hey Y/N!" Wooyoung waved and in the process got stabbed in the hand by a pencil. Hitting San has he began to celebrate.

"I'm going to find something to eat, I'll be back." Seonghwa rubbed my head before going to join the small lunch line.

"So, you met Hwa at the arcade?" Yunho stopped throwing his food at Yeosang and Jongho choosing to talk to me instead.

"Yeah, I also met Hongjoong, Wooyoung, and Yeosang." The boys began to turn their heads as I said their names.

"Are you sure you guys didn't know each other before?" Yunho stabbed a grape tomato with his fork and brought it to his mouth and popped it in after he was finished talking.

"No, I don't think so. I just feel really comfortable with you guys." I pulled out the gummy worms from my bag and began to slowly eat them. I can't remember the last time I actually had candy.

"Well, you guys seem very close. Like best friends for years close." San joined in in the conversation while chewing on some of Wooyoungs french fries.

"Guys I'm convinced that the lunch lady has a crush on me." We all laughed and talked through lunch Seonghwa looking down at the candy every so often with a smirk on his face.

Without Seonghwa on my side I found how boring my life actually was. I didn't move from class to class and have friends in each one like most people do, different moments of happiness. I moved through the rest of the school day sluggish and bored without Seonghwa I mean, even Hongjoong or Wooyoung would be an improvement from all these girls whispering in each others ears while looking back at me. Acting like I was some sort of endangered animal that they could just gawk at.

The white walls seemed yellow and the bright red lockers looked crummy and gross without the filter of Seonghwas happiness. I guess I was looking too far into this friendship thing I've never really had a friend before. Having plans after school, having people that enjoy my company, it was all very new to me.

"Y/N!" Wooyoung stopped me in the hallway and threw his arm over my shoulders like Seonghwa does. He was wearing red shorts and a black t-shirt, gym clothes.

"What's up Wooyoung?" I followed him down the hall and watched as more people stared. Honestly it was getting old.

"The basketball coach what's a small practice today so Seonghwa was going to come get you but I offered instead. It's not fair that he gets you all the time." Wooyoung put his head on mine and pouted into my hair. It was really nice to hear that he wanted to spend more time with me, and to be honest I liked how they already argued over my attention. It made my heart beat too fast to be normal.

"I'll try and hang with you more." I put my arm around his wrist and pulled him closer. "So, will I just sit and watch this practice?" The gym was within sight and I saw all the boys bouncing basketballs and shooting hoops it immediately made me feel nervous. I have a really bad reputation and basketballs always seem to find my head like a magnet.

"Yeah, we're just gonna run through some drills and see if they work okay for us." We walked through the doors and Seonghwa looked over and waved with a big smile on his face. "Want me to grab a chair for you?" Wooyoung unraveled his arms from mine and pointed to a closet which, I'm guessing held all the chairs.

"No, I'll pop a squat on the floor. Thanks though!" I dropped my bag on the floor and took out a book, something I just grabbed from the library today, it seemed good enough.

"Alright boys! Balls away let's line up." The coach walked out in skin-tight red shorts and a white shirt, neither left any to the imagination. "Hey kid, are you just here to watch?" He walked over to me a crouched to my level.

"Yeah, my ride is practicing." I pointed to Seonghwa in the lineup and the coach smiled.

"He's a good kid. This shouldn't take too long." He stood up and gave instructions to the boys while I started read the first words of my book.

"Alright! Start running!" He blew the whistle and the boys began running around the gym, occasionally pushing each other because that's what boys do. It was cute watching most of them keep up with boys like Seonghwa and Hongjoong, Mingi sticking out in particular. He was sweating buckets and breathing heavily, for being a tall skinny boy he sure didn't have good endurance and I laughed as Wooyoung hooked an arm around his shoulder encouraging him to go faster.

Seonghwa was doing so well and I finally understood why he was such a star athlete. He ran about 5 laps and he wasn't even breaking a sweat yet, his legs moving effortlessly against the gym floor. He talked with Hongjoong about anything and he wasn't huffing and puffing like I would be if I was in that situation.

After a while the boys stopped running and spread around the gym to stretch and things before the coach distributed pinnies. The old material looking and smelling like death in the musty air. I wished that the coach actually took time and washed them for the boys and for the bystanders. Maybe his mustache covered up the funk and he couldn't smell it. That could be it.

Even as he worked out Seonghwa looked great, which was a heard feat for some people the activity being too much often giving them a red face that is less than attractive, like Nate over there. The boy who stopped me in the hall and was being awfully disgusting was over there with his hands on his knees trying to catch is breath. I think he caught me staring because he straightened up and winked. I could’ve thrown up in my mouth right there and then but Seonghwa came over, refreshing me like a cold glass of water. 

“What are you reading?” He tipped the book and looked at the cover, finding the women on the front clearly in distress. 

“Something I just picked off of the shelf.” I closed the book slightly and looked up at him. There was something so sweet and protective in his eyes and it made me feel safe from Nate, from my Dad, from the world. He opened his mouth to say something before the coaches words cut through the thick air. 

“Park let’s get back in the game!” He smiles at me and taps the tip of my nose with his finger. He gets up and takes the ball from the coach before officially starting the game. I turned back to me book and didn’t pay much attention to the boys anymore, finding their game to be very repetitive and a little boring for my taste. 

The book was bringing in so many characters that my head was spinning, the mention of all these characters confusing the mental list in my head. All these people fighting over the main protagonist that really didn't want to have anything to do with these men. She was really ready to just pack up and leave with her younger sister. A princess with a "duty" to her country and her family but she doesn't want to. Just as I was getting into the book I heard someone call my name and I look up to see the ball come soaring towards my face.

"Watch out!" I dropped the book and went to cover my face, ready for the ball to hit me where ever it wanted. There was a loud thud but the pressure wasn't there at all. I slowly opened my eyes and let my hands fall to my lap. Seonghwa was standing in front of me, his back to me while he stared back at the boys.

"Play ball." The coach tried to defuse the situation and held his hands out so Seonghwa could lightly toss the ball to him. He didn't join the game, instead he picked up the book and handed it back to my shaky hands.

"Are you alright?" He crouched down once more to look in my eyes.

"Just a little scared is all." I laughed quietly and just watched as he brought his hand to caress my hair.

"It was Nate, he threw the ball at you." He sighed and just looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my reaction.

"It's okay. Some people are just assholes and that's okay." The words made me think of my father. He was an asshole for no reason and I felt like I was defending him. Every swing he took at my mother and me felt justified by my words.

"But people should pay for their wrong doings." Seonghwa tapped his fingers against my forehead and cheeks causing me to laugh at the ticklish sensation.

"Alright boys, practice is over. Nate stay back with me." The coach blew the whistle and the boys ran away to go change, knocking into each other and slapping backs of heads. Just boy things.

"You can wait outside the bathroom until we're done, okay?" Seonghwa stood up and offered me his hand which I gladly took. He waited while I gathered up all my stuff and I threw my backpack onto my shoulders. He hooked his arm around me like normal and led me to the outside of the changing room.

I held my backpack straps in my hands and took this time to think. I thought about my mom and how much I loved her and I wanted her to have a better life than what she had. It was something that I thought about way too often and when I told my mom that I do think about it she just scoffs and tells me to focus on more important things, like she's not the most important thing in my life.

I thought about Seonghwa and how he made me feel safe and loved and how he is taking care of me even though he doesn't have to. Thinking about how he brought me to this group of people who accepted me even though I'm not rich or not on a sports team. I don't have a Letterman jacket and I don't have fancy clothes and sometimes I wear them two days in a row.

"Hey, are you ready?" His grey turtleneck and black pants were back on and the rest of the boys were filing out of the locker room.

"Yeah." I smiled and followed him to his car. Once we got there he grabbed the bag from my shoulders and threw it in the backseat while I got situated in the front seat.

"So, we've still got a bit of time before the move so we're going to go out to eat." He sat down on the seat and buckled up before starting up the car.

"Seonghwa-"

"Before you say 'I don't have money' I don't care. I'm paying." He pulled out of the school smoothly and started driving.

"You don't have to do that." I gripped my shirt between my fingers and looked out the window, watching all the cars pass by.

"You're stubborn." He chuckled and pulled into a diner it was small and really hidden between the mess of libraries and newspaper outlets. It wasn't that far from school but I don't go out to eat so it wasn't a surprise that I had no idea what the place was.

"The Travelers Diner." I read the sign out loud as we passed by. There was barely any one there so that told me a bit about how popular they were.

"Yeah, Jongho works here on the weekends and let me tell you its super busy. We just missed the dinner rush." Seonghwa pulled into a parking spot and turned off his car, hopping out and running around to my side. He grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car before shutting the door and locking it. My hand was still in his as he led me into the diner and I felt my cheeks and neck heat up at the simple touch.

The patrons were mostly the elderly all of them enjoying an early dinner or a late night cup of coffee. The shop smelt good fresh coffee grounds were being poured into the coffee machine and the grill had sizzling meat on it. The whole atmosphere was warm and cozy, the small chatter between a husband and wife and the old man on the counter lightly humming to the song coming from the boombox behind the counter.

"Seonghwa! Who's it going buddy?" A man with an apron cane from behind the counter and have Seonghwa a deep hug. He was much older then the both of us but he seemed ecstatic to see his friend. He had to be about 40 and he had a bit of a guy but it really suited the vibe of this place.

"I've been amazing how about you, Sergio?" Seonghwa pulled away and joined hands with me once more, not even parted for a minute.

"Business is booming thanks to you. I'm still waiting on that picture." He laughed and grabbed two menus from the counter.

"You don't have to do that. I'm just here to help." Sergio led the way to the tables and Seonghwa pulled me along behind him while I let the situation sink in. I was going out to eat for the first time since I could remember.

"I was going bankrupt and you swooped in and saved the day. I owe my success to you, kid." He set down the menus and smiled at us, before walking back behind the counter and into the kitchen.

"Who's that?" I looked around the table and saw small little designs that made me smile. The table was a bright red and had a small black border along the inside. 'Jake' was messily carved into the middle and in could just imagine the boy taking a knife and marking his territory.

"His names Sergio. Family friend." Seonghwa smiled before bringing the menu up to his face, searching over what they had. I really already knew what I wanted and it was definitely not meatloaf. I

"Hey kids. What can I get you to drink?" A middle-aged woman came over wearing a bright red uniform and a tag that read 'Cindy'. She was smiling and smacking on some bubblegum as she brought out her notepad. 

“I’ll get a Dr. Pepper.” He smiled at Cindy and then turned to me. 

“I’ll get the same with a lemon please.” I remember hearing some kids say that Dr. Pepper was super good with lemon and now would probably be they only time to get to try it so I might as well. 

“Alright and are y’all ready to order?” She looked up form her pad and looked to Seonghwa. 

“I’ll have whatever the chef’s special is today.” He put down the menu and nodded to me.

“I’ll have a cheeseburger with everything on it and the waffle fries with a side of ranch.” I looked to Seonghwa and he smiled back at me, nodding slightly at my choice. 

“Alright kids. It’ll be right out for you.” She took the menus and went behind the counter to put the order in. 

The diner was great. Seonghwa and I talked about anything and everything, the socializing bringing back a side of me that I couldn’t remember existed. I almost made Seonghwa spit soda out of his nose at least six times with all the jokes I was cracking all while actually having my first cheeseburger. We laughed until the sun was setting and we were heading out the door to join the rest at the movies. 

The laughing didn’t stop at the diner and it carried on into the car, him talking about funny stories with his parents and me adding onto that with funny stories at my old school, choosing not to talk about my parents. We pulled into the entryway of the movies and he purchased two tickets for Alien. 

“So is this movie like really scary?” I looked around the parking spots and saw Yeosang and Mingi waving their arms in the air, telling Seonghwa to park there. 

“I’m really not sure. I heard that it’s scary but I didn’t have them go into detail.” He put the car in park and turned the station that the attendant said the movie would be on. 

“What took you guys so long?” Hongjoong rolled down his window and hooked his arm out of it. 

“We went to grab a bite to eat.” Seonghwa had me roll down my window so he could talk with Hongjoong. 

“And you didn’t invite us?” Wooyoungs voice cute through the wind and he went over to my window. 

“Yeah, it was just Y/N and me.” Seonghwa smiled and then rolled down his window, Mingi knocking on it lightly. The boys were so excited, the sun had set and the screen was flickering to life. Seonghwa had us roll up our windows and turned the air conditioning on a low blast. The movie started and I immediately  curled up into the seat, listening the beginnings of the movie. 

I can’t remember how long it’s been but I just remember leaning into Seonghwa more and more, the events of the movie getting scarier and scarier. Baby aliens were popping out of peoples stomachs and I just couldn’t handle it. I jumped and pushed my head into Seonghwas neck, wrapping my arms around his torso. I squeezed my eyes shut and just listened to the sounds of the mans stomach popping open,

“Hey pretty girl it’s okay. It’s just a movie.” His hands came around my shoulders and ran his hand through my hair. He turned down the radio and brought his lips to my hair, running them across the smooth expanse of my head. 

“I know, I know.” I pulled away from his neck looking back at the movie only to turn away again. I laughed against his chest and rolled my eyes, I was being so stupid. It was really just a movie. The sounds of the movie played quietly in the background but I decided to focus on his heartbeat which was faster than normal, probably because he was scared. 

“Hey, Y/N?” Seonghwa was rubbing small circles onto my back and occasionally my arms, traveling around a bit. 

“Yes?” I looked up to him and I found that he was already looking at me. His hand snaked up to my cheek and held the flesh gently in his hand. He was looking at my eyes watching as I flicked them from his eyes, to his nose, and finally to his plump lips. They turned up into a small smirk and my cheeks heated up at the fact that he caught me looking at his lips. Part of me just wanted to lunge forward and connect our lips but I didn’t want to misread the feelings in the air. Maybe he was just laughing at me because I was scared of the dumb movie, or maybe he was laughing at me cause I actually thought he maybe likes me.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he brought his lips onto mine. The soft flesh melding together as my stomach turned in circles. Butterflies had infected my belly and they had taken flight after being dormant for so long. It was nothing like I had ever felt before, his lips moving lightly against mine virtually showing me what to do and I just kind of went with it. Our mouths were moving together naturally now, messily bumping noses as we turned our heads to follow the other. He pulled away and set his forehead on mine breathing onto my face as he settled down. 

“I’ve wanted to do that ever since I met you.” He chuckled and held my head in his hands.

“Seonghwa, please don’t leave me.” I let my words fly as I let my head fall to his shoulder. 

“I could never.” He held me and turned up the radio, hearing the terrible screams of the people that were dying on the spaceship. 

After the movie we all waved to each other through the windows and one by one we all pulled away when traffic presented the opportunity. Seonghwa could not stop smiling throughout the drive home and I couldn’t help but watch as he gently bobbed his head along the songs to the radio. The silence felt comforting like something big had happened and we both needed a moment to let it settle in. 

“I wanted to thank you for tonight, Seonghwa. I don’t get to do this a lot.” We pulled into my driveway and I instantly felt all the blood drain from my face. My dad was sitting on the porch, a bottle of something hanging from his hand. 

“Y/N,” Seonghwas whole mood instantly changed. His voice got quieter and darker, all while watching my dad on the porch lightly sway back and forth. “Don’t go in.” Seonghwas hands were braced on the steering wheel and he didn’t look at me. I watch the side of his face as his eyebrows scrunching in discomfort. 

“Seonghwa you don’t understand.” I clicked the seat belt and grabbed the door handle to leave but he grabbed my knee. 

“If I let you go in that house right now, are you going to come out?” He finally looked at me and I saw the tears that were threatening to spill from the corner of his eye.

“What are you taking about?” I played dumb. He couldn’t know about my family, nobody knew.

“Y/N, I know what your father does to you and your mother.” He took a breath and squeezed my knee lightly. “My mother told me who you were.” My dad had gotten up from the porch and was waving me inside. 

“I can’t stay here. My mother.” I opened the door and let his hand slip from my knee, even if it was the last time I ever got to touch him I had to take that chance for my mother.  

“Where have you been?” My dad grabbed the back of my arm and drug me inside, the flesh of my arm already beginning to sting.

“Dad you don’t understand.” I gripped his wrist and tried to alleviate the pain that was steadily getting worse.  

“Do you think I’m stupid? I knew that boy dropped you off last night. You didn’t think to tell him to leave you alone? Am I not good enough?” He threw me on the ground and slammed the door. My mom was in the kitchen sobbing over the sink. 

“N-No. I told him no but he came anyways.” I put my hands up as he brought his foot down against my side. 

“Anything to get away from dear old dad.” He smashed the bottle on the ground and used both of his hands to land punches to my head.

“Derek stop!” My mother ran over and pushed my father onto the ground, part of his leg landing on the broken glass. My mom pulled me away and caressed my face shushing me into a calm state, the tears still running down my face. My dad got up and spit onto the floor. 

“You bitch!” He went to charge at me and my mother but the door swung open causing him to stop and look. 

“No!” Seonghwa threw his hands around my dads waist, tackling him to the floor. I saw the tussle of bodies and I couldn’t see what was happening beyond the flood of tears. I turned my head into my mothers neck and sobbed as I heard the sound of bones cracking and the sound of flesh against flesh. 

“Derek?” My mother called for him and let go of me. I opened my eyes as Seonghwa was sitting on the ground his knuckles bloody and his nose was dripping blood down into his open mouth. 

“Seonghwa!” I crawled over to him and held his face in my hands. He was still occupied with my father like he was waiting to see if he would get up and begin the fight again. He was holding his right wrist in his hand flexing it back and forth to see if any damage had been severely done.

“Are you okay?” He stopped looking at my father and turned to me, his expression solemn. It was his turn to hold me head in his hands as he looked at the damage that had been done to my face. It wasn’t much just some minor bruising here and there but it really hurt like a bitch. 

“I’m fine,” I took a breath and closed my eyes trying to calm my heart down. “Why did you do that?” I sat back on my heels and let him look at me, his eyes softening and filling with tears. 

“I don’t want you here anymore. The police are on their way and they’ll be taking him into custody. I want you and your mom to stay with me for a while. Just until he is put in jail for good.” The words were coming out of his mouth and zooming right over my head. He wanted me to come with with him? The police were on their way? So many things were happening at once so I just nodded. 

“Mrs. Y/L/N, can you go pack your stuff please, we’ll be leaving. The police are going to talk to you at my house.” He stood up and took me hand, helping me off the ground with ease. my stomach clenched and I cradled my bruising ribs. 

“Okay.” She shakily got up and slowly walked up the stairs, her hands shaking by her sides. 

“Why did you do that?” I turned to him as he watched my dad. He looked back, his nose was going off to the right a little and his eyes was beginning to swell shut. The blood was running down his face and accumulating into the alcohol and glass mixture on the ground. His pant legs was torn and he had a big gash on the side of this leg, the glass sticking out in parts. he really wasn’t getting up even if he wanted to. 

“Y/N, I thought he was going to kill you.” He didn’t look in my eye, a thing that he did when the situation was serious. 

“Seonghwa we would have been fine.” I felt tears prick my eyes again, the trail on my cheek becoming warm again. “You don’t understand what you’ve done. My dad is very powerful and he knows people you can’t even dream of.” My voice got louder and louder the fear in it increasing every second. 

“Y/N.” His voice brought a light warning . 

“You don’t understand what you’ve done. He’s going to kill you!” I pushed him and beat my fist onto his chest until he caught them in his hands and pulled me close. His hand flew to my hair and gently rubbed soothing circles. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be afraid, he’s not going to hurt you anymore.” He let me cry into his shoulder and to be honest I really didn’t want to do anything else. I was able to cry and finally be comforted in the night without being told to be quiet or my father might hear. 

“He hurt you.” I looked up at his face and grabbed his cheek for comfort. His nose had stopped bleeding and the dried just stuck to his face like a tattoo. 

“Listen to me, I don’t care who hurts me or beats me up. He could’ve broken my arm and I would still fight for you.” He pulled away and held my shoulders. “I will protect you.” He pulled me back in and held me once more. Sirens in the background telling everyone that something went down. 

“Police!” A man in a dark uniform came in with a pistol, “Search the house!” I let Seonghwa hold me in his arms as they passed around us, going through the house, trying to find anything else to put my dad away. My mother came down the stairs with two bags on her shoulders. 

“Can you all please step outside. We’re going to have to do some thorough searches in those bag in case he decided to hide anything in them.” Another police officer came through the door and held out his hand. My mother nodded and handed over the bags without a fuss. Police after police showed up at my door and began searching the house. 

“You know their going to bring you to the hospital, right?” Seonghwa put his hand around my shoulder and rubbed my arms.  

“We can’t pay for that.” I put my head on his shoulder and shook my head. As if on cue an ambulance pulled up into the driveway, next to all the police cars and pulled out a gurney. 

“Don’t fight them please. I don’t wanna have to hold you back.” He laughed and started leading me over the ambulances. Another ambulance pulled up and one of the police officers lead my mother to it, she was limping clinging to the officer. 

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N?” They pulled me away from Seonghwa and put me on the gurney, more tears rolling down my cheeks. 

According to doctors I’ve made some miraculous recoveries, my body healing my fabulously. I guess this time they could help me. Seonghwas injuries weren’t as severe as mine so they just wiped off his nose and gave him some ibuprofen, telling him to use his right arm as little as possible. His mom was on his way and they were going to take me and my mother home with them. A police officer came in and told me that my father was officially behind bars. He had a broken nose, a broken arm, and a couple of bruised ribs from when Seonghwa tackled him. 

“What did the officer say?” I was laying on a crisp white hospital bed, my light blue gown covering everything nicely. 

“He told me that I had a nice right hook.” Seonghwa chuckled and pulled the boring brown chair over to the edge of my bed. 

“You aren’t getting charged with anything?” I put my hand out and he took it gingerly. 

“No. The only one getting charged is your father and I’m making sure he gets put away.” Seonghwa pulled my hand to his mouth kissing each finger before intertwining our hands together. 

“And my mother?” I closed my eyes and let the tears well in my eyes. I’ve cried way too much today, over Seonghwa, over my father, and multiple things hitting me at the same time. Today was the day that I let myself feel everything, all the hurt and heartache that me and my mother had to go through. 

“She’ll be okay. She still has wounds that need to heal so she’ll be here but you’re coming home with me.” I could hear the smile in his voice and I let the tears fall. 

“I love you.” I squeeze his hand and hope that I didn’t scare him off. I couldn’t deal with anything if he left me here. I wasn’t scared of commitment but he may be, most boys were at this age. 

“I love you too. And I’ll be here to make sure nothing ever hurts you again.” We sat in the hospital room holding each other until the sun came up and we headed home. 

#ateez #kang yeosang #kim hongjoong #song mingi #park seonghwa #jung yunho #choi jongho #choi san #jung wooyoung #ateez smut #park seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa smut

[dc41896]

Like Father, Like Daughter

Pairing: Lewis Tan x Black Reader

Warnings: Mentions of bullying, but none other than that

Training in his home gym, DaBaby blares through the speakers overhead as he hits the punching bag. Throwing his last few punches and kicks before his break, he hears the door slam across the room as your seven year old daughter, Nova, places her bag down before sitting on the mat with a huff.

“Hey little bee, you ok?,” he asks wiping the sweat from his face with a towel and pausing the music.

“Yea, well no not really. Daddy do I have to go to school? I could help around the house!”

“Sorry love, but you have to go,” he laughs sitting down on the mat across from her. “But tell me what’s going on that you don’t want to go anymore.”

“It’s this boy in my class, Ryan. Lately he’s been messing with me and pulling my hair and today he tripped me in the hallway when we were going to the library.”

Like any protective father, hearing that his baby girl was getting picked on made Lewis want to find out where he lived and talk to little Ryan himself. He knew he couldn’t do that though, unless he wanted his face plastered all over every news outlet that is.

“I’m sorry that’s been happening to you sweetie. Have you told him how that’s not nice and asked him to stop? Or told your teacher?”

“Yes! When he first started pulling my braid I told him that I didn’t like it and wanted him to stop, but he just mocked me as if I was a baby. And I would tell the teacher but I don’t want to be a tattle.”

“Well you’re not a tattle if something is bothering you, so don’t be afraid to tell someone ok?”

“Ok daddy,” she softly smiles as Lewis kisses the top of her head, getting up to fill his water bottle.

After a few moments of silence, what his daughter says next brings him close to tears.

“Can you teach me how to fight?”

The fact that she was now interested in martial arts, even if only for defending herself, made him so happy that he was sure his heart would explode from happiness. Ever since she was a toddler, he tried to sneak in moves to teach her, like kicks, or show her old fighting movies as she got older. However, nothing ever stuck and all Nova wanted to do was watch cartoons and play dress up.

Whatever she liked, he’d always support no matter what, but he did always imagine him and his child stretching and practicing moves together as sort of a bonding moment, just like he and his dad used to.

“Of course I can teach you! But there are rules though, main one being that you only use what I teach you in dangerous situations where you have to defend yourself ok? Not just whenever you like.”

“Yes sir.”

“Next rule, let’s wait a while before telling mom about this ok? We don’t want her going level 10 when she’s just getting back in town tonight.”

“Deal,” she laughs, shaking her dad’s outstretched hand.

———

“You punched your classmate in the nose?!,” you ask looking at your daughter sitting between you and your husband, dark curls covering her face as her head hung low with her hands in her lap.

You weren’t sure why you and Lewis were called to Nova’s school, but from the tone of the principal’s voice you knew it wasn’t because she made honor roll again.

“I was just as surprised to find out myself Mrs. Tan. I mean I’ve never seen her display such behavior and wonder where she learned it from,” the principal, Mrs. Winthrow, adds tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

“Huh I wonder that too,” you ask too low for her to hear as you look at Lewis. Expression clearly conveying what you were thinking from him nervously smiling. “Nova baby, why did you hit him?”

“He’s been messing with me mommy! He pulled my hair, tripped me, and today he pushed me down so when I got up I punched him.”

“Listen Mrs. Winthrow I know you guys typically frown on violence, but if someone messes with our kid, like in this situation, we want her to be able to defend herself. Especially when it seems like nothing is being done about the other person involved,” Lewis explains.

“Which is understandable, and Ryan will be dealt with later accordingly-,”

“Wait later? So you mean to tell me that Nova is here getting punished, while Ryan is back in class just going about his day when him and his parents should be in here too?,” you interrupt crossing your arms in front of you.

“Yes, but-,”

“And with that, I think we’re done here,” you reply standing up with your purse in hand and family standing by your side.

“I understand you’re upset Mrs. Tan, but just letting what Nova did slide sets a bad example for her and her other classmates,” she tries to reason only making you angrier.

“The only bad example Nova has to worry about is the one I’m gonna show if you don’t let us leave,” you snap causing the principal to sit back in her leather office chair. “And if I find out Ryan didn’t get a harsher punishment and is still messing with my child, we’re gonna have a little private conversation.”

“Daddy it’s level 10,” Nova whispers while being held in Lewis’ arms.

“No sweetie, that’s level 50,” he whispers back following you out the office.

———

Sitting in bed reading a book, both Lewis and Nova silently enter the bedroom as to not disturb you if you were still upset from the events earlier. Neither one of them had ever seen you get that angry before and were a bit nervous to say anything to you in fear of sparking an encore since they both felt that they messed up today.

“You guys gonna come keep me company or just stare at me all night?,” you laugh peeking up from your book. Patting the space next to you, Nova runs to climb into bed snuggling into your side while Lewis slides in after.

“I’m sorry I got in trouble mommy, I promise to apologize to Ryan when I go back to school.”

“That’s very nice of you to apologize to him Nova, and I want you to know that although your teacher and principal don’t agree with what you did, I think I speak for both me and your dad when saying we’re proud of you for defending yourself like you did.”

“But also next time please tell your teacher or someone when something first happens. Like we talked about earlier it’s not tattling,” Lewis adds kissing her small hands, making her giggle.

“I will. Love you,” she smiles wrapping an arm around both of you to make a group hug.

“And we love you too! Now if you don’t mind, mommy and daddy need to have a little talk,” you reply kissing her cheek as she begins climbing out the bed.

“Don’t hurt him too bad, we have practice tomorrow!”

“You still want to train love?”

“Yea, I really like it! Plus we have fun together,” she answers before leaving and closing the door behind her.

“Listen I know you’re upset and I’m sorry and promise to do better, but you heard what she just said right?!,” Lewis excitedly says, his dimples on full display from how bright he was smiling.

And just like clockwork, there he was making you laugh and thus making it difficult to be mad at him. Not that he ever did anything to make you mad really, but anytime you weren’t in the best mood he always managed to say or do the slightest thing to make you smile and forget why you were upset for the moment. Depending on the situation, it could be a blessing or curse.

“Yea I heard and that’s great, but next time our kid is having problems I’d like to know ahead of time. We’re a team remember?”

“I know and I’m sorry. I should’ve told you that same day she told me, but you were just getting back in town and I didn’t want you to be worried or think that I couldn’t handle things on my own.”

“Anything dealing with Nova is gonna make me worry in some way, as a parent I can’t help that,” you reply making him chuckle. “One thing I don’t have to worry about though is you handling everything. You’re a great dad and husband, and I honestly couldn’t do this without you.”

Leaning over, you playfully peck all over his face before finally ending on his lips.

“Aww thank you love,” he smiles, lightly pinning your body to his to kiss you again. Interrupting your sweet moment, you both hear the crash of something falling followed by your daughter’s footsteps scurrying up the stairs and entering your room.

“Um everything’s ok I promise!,” Nova innocently smiles flashing her own set of dimples before running back to her room.

“And there goes your little bee,” you laugh returning back to your book as Lewis sighs before getting up to check on his “mini me” in training.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @lovelymari4 @melinda-january @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @nina-sj @itshinothey @wildfirecracker

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, or only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for just let me know🤓!

#lewisxwoc #lewisxblackreader #lewisxreader #lewis tan

[ilikelookingatthings]

Is Adrien cursed?

So...anyone feeling like Adrien is cursed because everytime he tries to do something based on his feelings he is punished for it? and I don’t mean the romantic ones.

The dude wanted to experience a birthday party for once in his life. It got his best friend banned from the house, akumatized, al the adults kidnapped. and he tried experiencing the party a little longer instead of transforming and realized that was selfish because his best friend was a akuma and everyone was held hostage.

He wants to sped time with his dad on the first christmas without his mom and he understandably gets upset and runs off. He stops himself from catacysming a tre instead hitting a poster. they got stuck out in the cold and plagg was cheeseless. but then just when he hit some luck. talking to a kind old santa claus who helped inspire him about his problems who gave him a ride home. it turned out his dad was a dick to the santa, Ladybug had jumped to conclusions and refused to listen to him that the santa wasnt a akuma and attacked the kind man on adrien’s behalf. which then caused that kid ma to become a akuma.

though a positive was everyone who was trouble was allowed to stay over and his dad had a real talk with him.

His outing with his friends are often canceled last minute by his dad like in glacatiour.

He invited nino out to the wax musuem.both alya and mari tag along but alya and nino ditch adrien and mari ran from adrien and adrien doesnt know what he did wrong and his friends aren’t helping. then he tries a trick to cheer mari up likewhat plagg does and ended up embarrassing mari even if mari tried to fib her way out of that. and he opens up on a rare occasion about the girl he likes who doesnt like his jokes to marinette and mari isobviously distressed again and leaves.

Adrien wants to see his mom’s movie and his dad canceled. yet due to a perfume add he was tracked down by fans. he got his friend mari embarrassed because she was helping hi in pajamas. and he was almost died jumping off a building.

He trieds the advice of changing targets before he was ready with kagami before and we know he ended up asking his crush for help and is helping push her toward luka.

He tries to be mature and understanding of his dad’s happyness if nathalie and gabriel are a couple by giving his blessig and it made his dad made and we know it distracted his dad from telling him about the mom.

Adrien takes the kwami book for research. It gets stolen by lila. then ladybug. he tried to deal with lila as a civilian because he had a idea but ladybug escalated the situation. hhen when he tranformed into chat to do his job ladybug got convinced he was kidnapped and almost doomed paris over a illusion him. all because he wanted to talk super heros with the new girl. and then ladybug is the one who tkes the book to master fu and finds out all this context whie he’s left in the dark(probaby to not risk they figuring out eachothers identities due to the book). but he was taken out of school for a while.

He joins a gamer tournament. Max gets akumatized and adrien gives up his place in the tournament when mari tried giving her to max because adrien admired mari’s skills. even though as talented as mari was she only joined bcause she wanted to have a excuse to train with adrien one on one.

He tried to tactically and in a unofenvive manner get theo to think  chat and ladybug were a thing to give up on ladybug out of jealousy(which was wrong becaus ladybug and chat aren’t a thing and it was lying and not chat’s jjob to turn people away). but you have to admit that chat’s way of dealing with it had tact especially compared to certain tactics other jealous people use. but then he dealt with everyone believing he could be a criminal and he couldnt handle a akuma by himself at all aand then ladybug saying the real chat wouldnt love her. proof ladybug hadn’t been taking any of his flrting seriously(and I like this episode alot because he did wrong and got karma but I do think it fits into the catagory).

He snuck out with kagami in desperada to have fun and tried to liv up to being chosen by ladybug as adrien. but it resulted him stuck in a loop for more than 1000 tries. failing to save her til he gave up. and her having very different reactions to his jokes.

He has terrible timing trying to stand up for his right to have emotions and that he desereves better treatment and should be let in on more things. things that are progress that he doesnt get to do often as adrien. but has really bad timing during akuma attacks as chat. like in glacatiour, or siren ect.

dude has fun modeling his talent friend’s hat? he gets turned into a gold statue and plagg makes up a lie that makes chat sound incompetant for why plagg wasnt with chat to ladybug.

Adrien trries dancing with marinette at chloe’s party one time and it gets chloe angry enough to lash out at her butler, cause a akuma. and he almost catacylsms ladybug.

Chat tried to confess to ladybug in darkcupid. he gets hit with a arrow, says mean stuff to her, almost cataclysms her. doesnt get to confess and he doesnt even find out he was kissed until ages later from a interviewer.

He tries to be understanding to his cousin but his cousin blamed him for not going to the funeral when it ws gabriel who didn’t let him go. and Felix deletes the nice videos hat adrien never gets to see, and then pretends to be him and is cruel enough to his friends it caused  a few of themto lose complete faith in him. and three got akumatized. and his cousin messed with ladybug and tried to make a deal with hawkmoth.

Adrien tried to be understand toward new girl lila and thats backfired ALOT.

He wants to make a relationship work in chat blanc after finding out ladybug is mari and she likes him and it resulted in his dad bullying mari into breaking up with him, his identity being found out when she almost got akumatized. and he accidentally destroyed the world when he was conflicted about helping his dad save his mom or taking down his dad who went too far to save the mom and lost himself. and he was stuck alone for ages and then wiped from time.

tris watching a race with friends he gets absorbed by timetagger.

He snuck on a trip to go to a fieldtrip to London with his friends. a akuma snuck on and got everyone sent to space which would get his dad even more over protective.

Adrien and kagami and mari had a good time together and he wanted to hang with them as friend together with some icecream. Not realizing Mari would over think the icecream part and try to put them together when she wasnt ready to. enough that she got distracted by them and lead hawkmoth to fu unintentionally. if adrien and kagami hadn’t been close mari wouldn’t have been distracted so the guardian wouldn’t have left. and he had been encouraged to try to movie on and find someone actually interested.

like the dude’s dad is a villian and his mom is in a magical coma and his side job is stoppng his dad from finding a way to wake her up.

gets a party with just the boys at the house and a whole bunch of stuff happened.

Biggest situation was the new york special. Adrien only wanted to spend a few days with his friends on this trip in New York. He agrees to watch over Paris while ladybug is gone just to find out he can go on the trip. He was honestly considering not going because he didn’t want ti disapoint ladybug until plagg convinced him that adrien could go. all he’d have to do is watch the app and fly to Paris while notifying her. Plagg didn’t even convince adrien to just tell her and that she wouldnt be disappointed.

then Mari doesn’t want to sit next to him despite him being excited to hang with her. He gets trapped so it unable to go to Paris in time. Ladybug told him that she can’t trust him anymore due to him leaving Paris. this got him distracted enough he was thrown and catacsymed a girl. the adults rip into him telling him he doesn’t deserve the miraculous. Him leaving and not notifying ladybug meant the damage in Paris couldn’t be reversed. and he gave up his miraculous.. and was then told he had to go back to Paris by his dad.

Like the dude just wanted to go to New York with his friends but it felt like alot of bad stuff happened because he went and he felt shamed or selfish for wanting to go when you consider everything that happened.

Like its just really interesting though process to think about.

makes me think of how when adrien helped fu in origins he was caught and taken from the school

#miraculous ladybug #ladybug #adrien #marinette #kagami #chat noir #aspik #selfish

[hpdabbles]

Kindness and Remorse

Dudley Dursley never realized just what terrible people his parents are, how terrible he is as well, until the day his cousin had them move for their own protection. Harry Potter was the house freak, barely a boy and more of a toy that he could take out his aggression out on without a hint of punishment for all of his life.

The target of Harry Hunting, a game he and his friends like to play and the little oddball living under the stairway in the cupboard wasn’t a child in his mind. Not like the kids at school, who he also tormented but not nearly as bad as Harry. Those kids had parents or friends who would attempt to stand up for him, and there were times they did get him to back off.

Dudley was a bully. There wasn’t another way to describe him. He liked hurting kids; thought it was all just some big joke. He felt powerful, in control and had the disillusion that people who didn’t agree with him were in the need to be corrected by any means. 

He ruled the playground with a group of numbers then when he was ordered to lose weight and join boxing he ruled the school with fists and threats. Kids his graded hated him, but they were too afraid to do anything in retaliation. The teacher either didn’t care or thought it was pointless to try. He wasn’t worth the effort, just another bad apple that would rot away on his own.

His parents never minded, they let him get away with everything which could be a form of abuse some claim in their own way.  

But the point being Dudley was a bully who had no limits when it came to Harry.  Just like his parents. 

Because in the house found at 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey England, Harry Potter wasn’t and never would be considered a human. Not a little boy, not a young man, and certainly not someone worth anything.

Despite all of this and every problem they left in the bloke’s mind, Harry still wanted to protect them. He stopped that terrifying ghost thing from attacking them (though at the time he couldn’t see them. Dementors they were called) breaking his world’s law about magic and sent them away. 

He stayed behind to fight some lunatic that killed his parents- wasn’t that a shock? His aunt and uncle weren’t drunks who died in a car crash but were instead murdered in their home with Harry the sole survivor- standing at the door with a grim face as his parents complain every second about it. 

As if though they weren’t leaving behind a child to fight a monster. As if though that same child who is filled with so much kindness was willing to save them when in all honestly he had every right to let them die. 

Harry, the one treated the less human in that house, was more of a man than Vernon or Dudley could ever be.

He stayed behind to fight a secret war against someone the adults should have dealt with and all Dudley could have offered him was an awkward farewell and stumbled “I don’t think you’re worthless”. For the first time, his parents were torn with letting him get away with whatever came out of his mouth and outrage that their child would say something so “terrible”.

As they drove away, he glanced back at Harry, who had gone from a scared scrawny kid to a young man with a straight back and haunted eyes without him noticing. The same young man who hated the Dursley family, who had every right to hate them and yet still could not allow them to be harmed.

A boy who was too darn kind for his own good. 

Afterwards, he didn’t hear from his cousin for a long time. 

Dudley continued his schooling and went to university. There were some troubled times, for the first time his parents couldn’t afford whatever his heart desired and he was forced to pick up a job for his studies.

The value of money was something he never had to face before until it was smacked into his face with every angry customer who wanted a low-fat latte at five in the morning.

On-campus, away from his parents, he realized just how horrible and not normal his childhood was. The things that came out fo their mouths weren’t funny or true. The sneers at anyone that was slightly different, the harsh punishments they demanded, the need to be normal and right, wasn’t how the world was.

The way his dad and mom behaved wasn’t supposed to make the house feel suffocating even when they let him do whatever he wanted. But he still loved them, because at the end of it all, they were his parents and they loved him. 

Dudley fumbled in his adult life. He had expectations that were more fantasy than reality. His so-called friends spent more time in and out of jail then he thought possible. He had no idea what he wanted in life, other then what he knew such as have everything handed to him and the world scoffed or laughed at him.

Dudley was only twenty and he was falling apart unused to have mommy or daddy pick up the pieces for him. This was something he needed to do on his own. He found he had no idea how.

It was his godawful job that he met Tiffiny. She first came into his life with a bright smile, and cheerful spring in her step. She was a year younger then he and the cafe manager had wanted Dudley to train her.  

Tiffiny isn’t a stunning beauty but she was pretty when you took the time to give her more than a passing glance. She was attractive in a comfortable way, one that could make a man’s heart melt when she smiled up at him. Motherly too, with just enough devil-may-care mindset that made her interesting and rebellious but never cruel. 

She wore shirts with cartoons, ripped jeans, dangling earrings and pretty dresses. She knew all the old Star Wars movies line by line, adored superheroes and wasn’t interested in dating but wasn’t put off by it either. 

Once upon a time, Dudley would have called her a loser or a prude but that was when he was young and foolish.  

Dudley, now as an adult who understood things better, fell in love with her instead. Luckily for him, she felt the same way. 

After two years of dating- with his mother insisting that it was too long for her to be serious about him.- they got married. Around that same time, Dudley completed his studies and became an accountant. He chose this career after learning he was good at math when he put his mind to it and didn’t mind spending days calculating budgets. 

Dudley did his parent's taxes and ran their finances for them as well.  He made a horrible discovery. The reason his parents were able to give him everything he ever wanted as a child was because those extra funds came from Potter family wealth. 

His family lived a comfortable life on Harry’s money when he was a child. And yet, Harry was barely financially taken care of. It made him sick to think about. but he was glad his cousin cut them off the moment he turned eighteen. 

He closed the old documents and tried not to think about it again.

Tiffiny made more money than he as an eye doctor much to his father’s horror but she loved every second of it and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. So what if his wife was amazing at what she did and was rewarded with the appropriate paycheck? That’s how it should be. 

His parents had some problems with his marriage but it never got in the way of their love and visits. They were part of his life and he adored them all the same. Then Tiffiny gave him his first child, a sweet little girl named Daisy.

Dudley had heard his mother say over and over again throughout his life that he was the greatest thing to happen to her but he never really understood until Daisy opened her eyes for the first time. 

His princess was a scrapper. Smart and sociable in ways her parents weren’t. Daisy luckily inherited most of her looks from her mum, sharing only his hair color and smile. Dudley thought she was the most adorable thing to ever grace the earth. 

Petunia Dursley wholehearted agreed. She spoiled her grandaughter something rotten, more so then Dudley which was a horrifying thought to Tiffiny.(his mom and wife were often butting heads about the proper way to be a mother and wife. Tiffiny did not like her advice on what a proper wife/mother should be)

 But his daughter loved her grandmother so much, and always, always wanted to make her proud. She often made them her grandparent's gifts or chatted with them on the phone every evening if she could. Daisy was beside herself when Tiffiny got pregnant again with a boy.

This child he named Josh after Tiffiny’s late father. Things were going great for a while, he had a loving family, a respectable job and people liked the new him. 

Then one day, Daisy made her drawing that she created for her grandmother flout at the age of eight when she was being babysat by the woman. Dudley had arrived to his little angle sobbing in terror while his mother screeched things he hadn’t hear in years. Things that she used to scream at Harry.

His father refused to have Daisy anywhere near Josh, scaring the little girl with threats that he used on Harry. The baby in his arms crying for his sister, even though he too had no idea what was happening.

The second he learned his mother had attempted to “break the freak” out of Daisy, he had to do something he never thought he would. He cut his parents out of his life.  Prohibited them from ever coming near his children again. 

Tiffiny didn’t know about magic but she did know enough to swear up and down that if Veron or Petunia ever tried to lay a hand on her child again she would carve them with the kitchen knifes like a Christmas Turkey. They moved away just to make double sure the kids were far away from their grandparents. 

Dudley ignored all of their pleas and messages, not willing to bend on the matter. 

He had seen what they did to Harry, and he would not allow the same to befall onto Daisy. 

As much as he wanted to protect her, he couldn’t fix the damage they had already inflicted on his daughter.

Daisy spent weeks crying and apologizing. She didn’t know what she had done to make her beloved Grans despise her.  “What did I do Papa? What did I do? Why don’t they love me?”

It broke his heart.

More so when he looked at his sobbing little girl and thought of the boy under the stairway. Was this what he allowed to happen? How could anyone do that to a child? They were so defensive, so tiny, and they didn’t understand why someone could be so cruel.

Good Gods, why did Harry Potter ever thought they were worth saving? There was too much good in him, maybe from his father’s side. There was no way Harry learn to be kind from their side of the family.   

He sat Tiffiny down, explained everything to her that he knew about his cousin and together came to terms that their daughter was a witch. They never spoke to his parents or saw them ever again.

It broke his heart all over again, but to make sure that Daisy never felt the way Harry did, he stayed away. 

A few years later, a wizard arrived at their house to give Daisy Dursley her own letter to Hogwarts.

Professor Longbottom is a kind, soft-spoken man who did his absolute best to answer all their questions. Things he should have known because Harry went to Hogwarts but he knew next to nothing about the wizarding world. Dudley hadn’t the slightest clue of his daughter’s new world. 

He should have. Had his parents and himself not been absolute monsters. 

 Professor Longbottom came back to take them shopping for Daisy’s school supplies. 

For the first time in his life, Dudley was introduced to the world Harry Potter is a part of and disappeared into. Watching the bricks move out of the way he couldn’t help but wonder how his parents possibly thought this world could be bad. 

Everywhere he looked, magic was being used and it left him breathless in wonder. Magic, he had at a distance known was real, but to see it was nearly overwhelming. As it were, Daisy who was having the time of her life looking at everything would glance back at them as if though it helped her stay calm knowing her parents were there for this big new change in her life.

He wondered with a pang of self-hating guilt if Harry felt just as overwhelming need to have someone reassure him this new world was going to be alright. Tiffiny squeezed his hand, something she did whenever he thought back to his cousin.

She knew now what his parents had done and what he had done to other magic user in his family. Tiffiny didn’t approve but she told him that lingering with regret wouldn’t change the past. He could only one day find Harry and maybe make amends. 

Daisy left that September for her schooling. The house felt emptier without her but his little girl always wrote home. She had been put in the house of the hard workers, Hufflepuff they were called.  

While reading her letter, he wondered which house Harry was in. Every summer his things were locked away so he didn’t even know the color of his old robes. Daisy said the color told the House. 

The last thing in Daisy’s letter hurt. She was having the time of her life meeting kids that are just like me Papa! I’m normal here!

That night he held his wife just a little tighter, crying into her shoulder. People like me. A place where one could be normal. 

Tiffiny knew he was bisexual, had known long before they married but he didn’t share that knowledge with anyone. His parents made sure he never felt normal for noticing blokes and even in this day and age he couldn’t stand the idea of anyone besides his wife knowing.

 His daughter would never feel that way. She was ina world that didn’t care apparently, according to her letter. 

Had that been what Harry found? Did he know that he now lived in a world that cared little about sexuality and cared more about blood statues? Did he too, meet bigots who turn their nose up at his “muggle” upbringing?

Daisy, as a muggle-born, had a lot of idiots try to shame her for it but she was nothing if not resilient. At least she claims so, in her letters, and he thought about all the kids he tormented as a child.

His daughter now had to face idiots like her own father. It made his stomach turn and shame burn every nerve of his body.

One day, Daisy wrote about the dreamy (his baby was too young to think about boys! Even if Tiffiny found it all quite cute)  six-year perfect. A young man named Teddy Lupin, who had been an enormous help to Daisy and had made settling into Hogwarts easier.

-A shapeshifter called Metamorphmagus! He’s also Harry Potter’s godson, the Savior of the wizarding world. But I try not to make a big deal about it because Teddy doesn’t like people going all gaga over his godfather.

Dudley nearly spits out his drink, eyes widening as he re-read the same passage again and again. It took Josh’s head butt to his knee in a misguided attempt of a good morning hug that snapped him out of his shock.

“It’s been almost fifteen years,” Tiffiny said looking over the letter. “maybe it’s time to face the person you were in the past.”

He sent Harry a letter through Daisy. His daughter was downright shocked that they were actually related to the Harry Potter, and she swore she would get Teddy to pass it along. If not him then she would give it to James Sirius Potter, Harry’s oldest child and fellow first-year though he is a Gryffindor.

A few weeks later he meets up with Harry in a small pub, the entrance of the two worlds. Before his cousin could say anything he blurted out “I’m sorry for everything. I wish I could go back and change all of it. I hate who I was and I hate how my parents acted. You deserved so much better.”

Harry looked bewildered.  “You already said that in the letter”

“I need to say it for the rest of my life. I need to make up for what I’ve done” 

His cousin started at him for a moment before pulling out some paperwork. Harry’s smile is tight, uncomfortable and he looks worn out like those veterans he sometimes saw. 

He does want to be here, but he is, because Harry is one thing many people in this world aren’t. He’s too kind.  “Let’s talk about something else. You want me to help you find someone to be Daisy’s magical guardian in case anything happens to you and your wife right?”

Dudley swallows. He knew that Harry wouldn’t forgive him. But he is grateful none the less he’s still here, still willing to try.  “Yes. I can’t have Daisy be given to my parents if we were to die. They...you know what they are like about magic.”

Harry’s eyes turn dark  “I can never forget.”

He winces.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine-” Harry stops, shakes his head and starts again.  “It’s in the past. Let’s leave it there yeah?”

Leave it that they do.  They stay in contact- Harry agreed to be the temporary Magical guardian until they find someone- and though they aren’t friends he can at least say he made amends with his cousin. 

Two years later, Dudley has to do one of the hardest things is ever had to do. He’ has to say goodbye to Tiffiny. Has to hold his children while they lower her into the ground, a victim of an unknown infection in her lungs that they caught on too late and wonders what in the world is he going to do know.

Josh is but six, and Daisy is only thirteen. They need their mother.  He needs their mother. But she’s never coming back. 

Live goes on but he keeps thinking she’s just around the corner. Wakes up in the mornings expecting her to be at his side. 

Without Tiffiny Dursley he feels like he’s falling apart, and then to make matters worse, Josh makes his oatmeal exploded three weeks after her funeral. His son is a wizard. Dudley puts his head into his hands and he screams. 

Daisy jumps into the fireplace with tears in her eyes, holding her baby brother and her mind filled with the last time she spoke to her grandparents. Dudley is left feeling like they were moving onto a world he could never reach and sits miserably sobbing into his hands. 

Harry shows up the next day, with a kind understanding eyes and offers to let him stay with his family. 

“I know what it’s like to lose someone important.” He says and Dudley thinks of the stories that Daisy has about the Boy-Who-Lived and the Battle of Hogwarts. It’s all so unfair. Why does he have to suffer so much? How many did Harry see die and why is it that it only took one person for Dudley to break? “Come on Big D, I’ll help.”

 He’s too kind. Much too kind. Dudley doesn’t deserve any of that kindness. 

The Potters are lovely.  They help put himself back together, help him get out of bed and be there for his children. Tiffiny would have had his head if she could have. The thought doesn’t hurt as much as it did when her death was still fresh.

Magic is part of his life now. Will always be. With both his children having it. Sometimes he can understand why his mother was so jealous of his aunt Lily. The things magic can do, the wonder they bring. 

 Harry and Ginny have agreed to be their permanent magical guardians. He’s grateful, one less thing to worry about. A year with the Potters allows him to breathe easier. He moves out again with Daisy and Josh. A small but no longer broken family.  

Dudley is finally come to terms with his past, his present and he hopes his future will be better for his kids. 

Then his car gets hit.

As he’s sailing through the air, having been flipped from the impact he is suddenly confronted with everything all over again. He’s not going to live he knows, and he thinks that Harry will take good care of his little ones. He thinks he’ll see Tiffiny. He thinks of Daisy and Josh who lost both her parents much too quickly. He thinks of the people his kids will marry and the grandchildren he’ll never meet.  

He thinks of Josh getting his first wand in three years, of him going to Hogwarts, of  Daisy being made Head Girl, graduating and earning her Potion Mastery without him being there. 

He thinks of magic and how he still even after all this time wishes he could save Harry from his childhood.  

He thinks, magic, Daisy, magic, Josh, magic, Harry, magic, regret, magic. 

Dudley Dudley thinks all this when suddenly something in his chest feels like it squeezes and fire burst from deep within him. There is a bright light of silver sparkles whirling around him just as the roof of his car caves in. 

He wakes to find himself a year and half suddenly being smothered by his mother’s voice and arms. Sitting in a corner is a toddler with wild hair and green eyes crying.

What happened? He wonders. Where am I? 

His mother tries to put him to bed, but he's not having that. Not when he sees his father attempt to drag the other toddler into the cupboard fo bed. He thinks of Harry’s kindness and finds that while nothing is making sense he’s not going to allow it to happen. 

Dudley’s parents always let him get away with anything. Helping his cousin into his bed, so he can hold onto the baby version of him is no expectation. Petrina's lips press close together but she can’t say no to him and Harry falls asleep in his arms.  

Making sure the green-eye boy is well covered by the blankets, Dudley stares up at the ceiling and thinks. 

Magic has been apart of his life for years now. He can recognize it. But it doesn’t make sense. In that car, there were no magicals, only he.

He turns his eyes to toddler-Harry, who is clinging to him with all the might a child can. Dudley is reminded of those early nights when Daisy and Josh were born.

Turn his arms don’t quite go around his young cousin since Dudley finds himself in a toddler's body as well now, he still makes sure to tuck him closer to him and swears.

If this is real.  I’ll make sure this time, you have someone who cares about you.

#hpdabbles #Harry Potter #Kindness and Remorse Au #Part 1? #time-travel #dudley dursley #Ocs #Wizard!Dudley #Mentions of child abuse #Bisexual!Dudley #This is radnom but here ya go #It got supper long

[polygamyff]

55. Part 3

I really wanted to go to bed, snuggle up to Maurice and sleep but no, my mother has invited him here “really mom? Could have waited” I am not ready for this right now, dealt with Leon and now this “he came, I didn’t invite him Robbie, he wanted to see you and I couldn’t just say no if he is here already” looking at Thomas and our eyes met and I looked away “I came here, Terry didn’t invite, I just want to talk to you Robyn” I sighed out “Reign has grown a lot, walking and even talking a little bit” side eyeing him “she was here Robyn, I couldn’t hide her. She was walking around” my mom knows I am not happy “she was quick to walk away from me, I guess I am a stranger to her now, but she is beautiful. Reminds me of you” rubbing my face “I don’t want to do this right now, no” I said “Robyn, just hear him out and then you can go about your night, just please” rolling my eyes “is Reign asleep?” I asked my mom “yes she is asleep” I swear to god, I don’t want this right now “right, ok” making my way to the couch, I huffed out sitting down “I just want to speak to you” Thomas said watching my mom sit next to him, I don’t know how she is able to sit next to a man that belittles her “which you are” Maurice sat next to me “my family” he added “I don’t get it?” I frowned, what does he mean “I don’t want no trouble, I just want to speak to my daughter” he looked at Maurice “he is staying here, he is family. It’s you that has no family” Thomas didn’t expect me to say that, he put his head down “constant bullying is still there, you think I am going to send Maurice off? He always gets me involved with his family business, but I send him off. This is what strained us in the first place, he is not a child. He will sit here, because he is family, to me, my daughter and my mother” Thomas does not like it, he doesn’t like that I am like this, he looks so annoyed  “I told Thomas that Maurice will be here, I don’t know why you had to mention it” my mom said “because he wants to know he still has a hold over me, no” I added.

This is terribly awkward now but what did he expect “I am here and I am listening, we won’t say anything” holding Maurice’ hand, who does he think he is that I will just send Maurice upstairs like a naughty school child, I am so annoyed with it “you know what I want to know, at what point I lost the person I called dad? At what point did you become such a horrible man?” I want to know “when Maurice entered our lives, I felt he took my family well broke my family. I made a mistake by lashing out and bringing up things I wish I didn’t, I regret it so much. I didn’t agree to him, I still don’t agree to him because he got my daughter pregnant and he wasn’t there as he was, and when he was I felt he didn’t respect me, he hurt my daughter. He was married Robyn, as a father I reacted like any father would, I am sure Maurice would be angry too” he pointed at Maurice “If my daughter is what twenty five and is pregnant, yes I will be angry but I wouldn’t constantly be an asshole to the man that is stepping up and belittle him in every sense. I wouldn’t either call her a whore, that is just me though” Maurice said “you took me in as your own Thomas, you took care of me. I called you dad, you were the only man I knew. I met Maurice and I told him I want my child to have a dad like you, you ruined it for what? Because I got pregnant and I started being with a man you hated and then my mother, she tells me you have always had issues with the fact she couldn’t have your babies? I am upset she lasted with you, she is beautiful and can do so much better. She did it for me! And what did you do? Made sure I knew I wasn’t yours because I have moved on, I didn’t become what you wanted me too but what did you gain from this Thomas? Nothing, I am a Surgeon. A mother, and a soon to be mother of two, a wife. Wasn’t that what you wanted from me!? To be happy? Or is the issue Maurice, you just didn’t like him?” I don’t get it.

Thomas’ eyes widened “you’re pregnant again?” he asked “I am, you know what. Thank you, I now know my real family. They came to me, and I met my real grandparents that could not stop crying, I got to see my uncle, I felt a real connection for once. I felt love, so thank you” I have to thank him for it” Thomas put his head down “I am sorry” he lifted his head up “I regret it, I jumped and I wanted you, Reign and your mother and myself to be happy. I feel like you can do better then Maurice Robyn, you have so much to give. I know my daughter and I know you can do better; he was a married man with money, a dysfunctional family. The only thing that sells it to me is the money, he is not a well man Robyn. He has hurt you on several occasions, you’re just going to be his carer and yes I wanted better for you. Any father would want that because I am not money hungry, his money doesn’t sell it to me. It’s him and his family” I am surprised how quiet Maurice is being “I gave Robyn the choice to not be with me, I don’t want her to be my carer” Maurice spoke, I didn’t expect him too but he did “you just came here all dramatic and wanted to sign your rights away, looking for attention that you got” he is just bullying Maurice now “nigga, you don’t know me and my life. I was doing the right thing at the right time; you don’t know my family. You are right to hate them because you think they would leave Reign alone? You can think what you want because you don’t know me, but I was protecting her, I didn’t ask Robyn to come to me. I set her free, it’s you that has this obsession with belittling me, but I don’t care my nigga, I am ok. I don’t ask for Robyn to look after me, trust me I don’t. I don’t get what you think you are getting out of attacking me bro? It’s not funny and you don’t gain. My family is dysfunctional, now what? I have hurt Robyn, but I am still trying to make it up to her. When I am not well and in pain, I stay away and be on my own it’s Robyn that comes to me, she is not my carer and if you trying to hurt me then so be it but it’s not helping your case. You hate me, I get it, but I am not your issue, I am not your son. I don’t care to attack you” my poor baby, squeezing his hand a little “I am good, I don’t have an issue. Attack me all you want; I am sorry I destroyed whatever image you had in your mind for Robyn. I do love her, and I have tried to let her go, I mean you saw and laughed but love wins” Thomas swallowed hard, he is annoyed.

This is not going to solve much at all “did you come to attack Maurice then?” I mean what else “not exactly, I was telling my reasons and I am proud of you, that you became what I always dreamt for you. I am happy for you that you are marrying the man you clearly love a lot, I have regrets and I am sorry I did and acted the way I did; I was trying to protect you. In my heart you are still my daughter, I swear Robyn I made a mistake, I was acting like a fool and I hurt you and Terry, I just was protecting you. You had such a good future ahead and I just got angry that you got pregnant and I hated him for it” staring at the man I once adored so much, it kills me inside. All of those years, the man that helped me with everything, a dad that I was so proud of and he ruined that “you hurt me” my voice broke “I didn’t need to know, I didn’t need to know about Rell. You forced my mom to tell me because you refused to back down, even now. You attack what I love, this hurts me. You could have backed down, this didn’t need to happen, but you pushed and pushed. That is not love, you stayed with my mom for what? Her looks, this must have been hard on her. This has nothing to do with Maurice because it’s me that is hurting the most and I don’t understand on what you are going to do with this? How can we start being the normal family now huh? I have met my real family and that is on you!” I pointed at him.

“Don’t get all upset, don’t stress yourself” Maurice said as he took the tissue from me “I am not, I am hurt. I lost a dad, you know. But I don’t see how we can start being a normal family now. It’s not logical really” I said to Maurice, he touched the side of my cheek with the back of his hand “I think it is best I do go” overhearing Thomas say to my mom “Robyn” Thomas turned around to look at me but I was already looking “I think it is best I go, seems like there is really nothing I can do. I made a mistake, out of anger and I have lost something I did really love” it’s always about him “imagine how I feel, you knew the truth when you took care of me. Imagine how I feel when all those years you was the man I looked up too and you ruined that over anger? It never had to be this way did it?” Thomas shook his head, staring at the man I called dad. He has hurt me so much, he ruined every good memory I had and it hurts me so much. Placing my hands over my face as I cried, it does hurt me a lot that this is happening.

My mom allowed me to calm down from crying before she even spoke, she just sat and waited “it’s ok” Maurice patted my thigh “are you ok Robbie?” my mom asked “erm” I paused thinking, I mean it’s hard to explain “I am not celebrating that I have now lost a guy that I call my dad but I also can’t accept his apology when he didn’t need to treat me the way he did and he still sat there and made sure to downgrade my husband, I think that yes he is sorry and he made a mistake but he can’t accept Maurice and he has made that clear, this is something I will heal from with the love around me but years mom, I have known that man for years. I am still hurt and, you know” I sniffled “Robyn, if you want to still have him around you can?” Maurice said “no, I think it’s a lot of hurt then. I don’t know to be honest. I don’t even think time will heal, he hurt my mom too and then he hurt me more by saying what he said about you, I just need time to think and sleep, I have had a lot to process and now this. I just want to go to sleep” I got up from the couch “I will join you, I will come up” Maurice said as I walked off “goodnight mommy” I said, a lot has happened and I need time alone and time to digest this, I knew this was going to be hard but I didn’t think I would feel like this.

I can’t believe how calm I was, I can’t believe I didn’t want to punch him because he is still so fucking cocky and I am honestly annoyed with it all but I remained calm for Robyn and I did what I need to do “I need to leave Cali” I said laughing as I stretched out “it’s not going well at all, just seems like there is a lot of issues and my body is not settling at all, the climate here and all that but Robyn loves It here” I said breaking the silence “true, I am sorry that Thomas said what he said to you, it was wrong but I didn’t want to add to it so I stayed quiet” Terry said but she was so quiet, didn’t even say one thing at all “I understand but how do you feel to this? I mean you are wanting to be with him. Why didn’t you tell him to go?” I mean it is odd he was here “I wanted Robyn to get this over and done with, also he did but I think Robyn is way too hurt to even forgive such a thing and I didn’t want him to come but he did, and I think I have seen a lot today, I have seen the side to Thomas that is still there. I can’t have that” nodding my head “Terry, I am not telling what to do but we have a lot of space in our home, you can stay with us. I can help you get work in New York. That way you can closer to us. And I know Robyn would love that” I am not even checking with her on this “I am happy here, even if I am without a man. I want you and my daughter to have the happiest time now, this is her time. Once she becomes your wife, these issues disappear, and she moves on. I am ok here; I have my family here still. I just also have things to think and I hate to see my daughter so hurt. Thomas is a bastard” I hope Terry is thinking of leaving this guy, I mean what the hell she keeping him around for when he is a dickhead “you know I am here for you if need anything, I better go and see to Robyn” getting up from the couch.

Walking into the bedroom “what did I expect from this Maurice” closing the bedroom door behind me “what do you mean Bonita?” I knew my baby would be so sad still “this, meaning seeing Thomas. Why do I feel more hurt then I did before?” sitting next to Robyn on the bed “I think because, it’s over?” I know that is the reason “mhmm, yeah. You are right, how can he say I was just being a father, there was no reason for him to tell me the truth. I loved him Maurice, I really did. He spoilt me so much and he did that to me, how could he” placing my arm around Robyn “this is why I said if you want him around you can, I won’t mind” I feel she does “I will get over it but all of those years he wasted for what? His hate for you” I am sad for Robyn, I don’t like that she feels that way because I don’t mind if she wants to keep in contact with him.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[flick-does-things]

Remember

Holocaust Remembrance Day happened recently, and in light of that, I'm going to tell a story. I have this really good friend. They are amazing and I love them a lot. We're the same age, and they're really awesome. They told me about this, once, and it took a while to get the whole story. This is a story about bystanders, the unnecessary cruelty of children who are uninformed, and how the blind eye of teachers can be really, really harmful.

-------

My friend (We'll call them Mor) was in first grade. They were starting at a new elementary school in the same area because their old school had been shut down due to budget cuts. The school district had done a poor job of distributing the kids across the three other elementaries in town for the kindergarten class (we were all affected by this) from that school, and so at the time, the elementary school (we'll call it Washington Elementary) had 56 kids in one grade.

That was 1) really unusual and 2) not able to be split between the two 1st grade teachers they had already. So, to fix this, they brought down a teacher from 4th grade, as that class was small, and had her teach 1st instead. This meant that there would be three 1st grade classes.

Mor says they don't really remember how they dealt with the need for a new classroom, only that it was solved and it wasn't a big deal. (And yes, Mor knows what I'm doing and they gave consent.)

Now, Mor is... bad at letting other people answer things they know the answer to now, and they aren't the most patient person in the world. They say that it wasn't better when they were little, shock of shocks. Also, Mor is Jewish, which is, I suppose, something I should have started with. The teacher (we'll call her Mrs. Alligator) didn't like smart kids, at all. She also didn't like Jewish kids, as Mor later found out.

From what Mor tells me, it all sort of started when everyone in the class had to draw a part of their favorite holiday and write a sentence or two about it. When everyone was done drawing, they went and sat on the rug in a circle and everyone shared. Mor had drawn a dreidel and had written a sentence about Hanukkah, at the time their favorite Jewish holiday (this is no longer the case, but that has nothing to do with this story). They say they remember everyone staring at them.

From then on, whenever something non-Christian was mentioned, Mor or their friend Lilia (again, not real name) who is Muslim were stared at and singled out, either by the teacher or by their classmates. Mor says they hated the feeling of being stared at without being able to stare back, and so Lilia and Mor sat in the back corner of the rug, away from everyone and far away from Mrs. Alligator.

This didn't fix the staring issue. It just meant that instead of everyone staring uninhibited, they all had to turn around.

Now, this is right about where Mor tells me that they only remember bits of that year.

They remember that Mrs. Alligator would not let them move ahead in their work until everyone was done, relegating Mor to either help the other kids in the class (that already had an LTA) or sit at their desk, bored out of their skull, until Mrs. Alligator moved on.

They remember that the LTA was really nice to them. (Mor still loves LTAs and respects them a lot.)

They remember that other kids were mean to them because they were Jewish and that Mrs. Alligator stood by and watched. She never said anything to the class. Mor recalls that it happened to Lilia, too.

Mor does remember that Mrs. Alligator let her and Lilia advance in reading by reading Charlotte's Web. This mostly meant that because of poor inter-school curriculum communication, by 5th grade Mor had read Charlotte's Web about half a dozen times for school, not counting for fun.

That didn't stop the bullying, both intentional and unintentional. Mrs. Alligator sat by the whole time and watched it happen.

From what Mor has told me their mom said, Mrs. Alligator was pretty bad to her too. The only reason their mom says that they didn't try to get Mrs. Alligator fired for what she did was because she and Mor's dad decided they didn't want them to spend their whole summer in court, reliving the past year. Mor's mom says she remembers how upset Mor was about the whole thing, and she didn't want to have to watch that again in court. (Mor's parents are pretty reasonable on that front, actually.)

But here's the thing: this wasn't just a shitty year of school for a 7-8 year old. Mor still has habits and fears left over from that.

They can't sit in the front of a room without panicking unless one of their best friends is right behind them. This is horrifically embarrassing to them, especially because many teachers give assigned seats, and in smaller classes, sitting in the dead last row isn't an option when the teacher wants everyone near the front.

That same fear also pertains to other situations: they need to have their back to a wall at almost all times to feel safe. They sleep with their back to a wall most of the time. They always pick seats in restaurants with their back to the wall. If they can't see the door, they almost certainly won't be able to sit there calmly

Every time something about religion is mentioned, they practically hide. They say it's gotten better, but they got singled out all through elementary school for being Jewish by other kids who stared at them.

They hate Christmas, The Beatles, and baseball with a burning passion. Christmas has gotten better for them over the years, but for a long time, other kids called them the Grinch.

For a long time, they didn't show facial emotions except very rarely.

They are aggressively honest and brutal and sarcastic, and it's meant to keep people out. It works, mostly. They have a reputation for being a violent bitch and a jerk, although that's left over from elementary school but is a hard reputation to shake.

They are cruel with their words when they are angry or scared. Damaging type cruel. Again, it's gotten a lot better, but they got in trouble for it a lot as a younger kid.

They absolutely avoid telling people they're Jewish at all costs. (This is a big point of contention with their dad.)

Trust of teachers? Yeah, they don't really have lots of that.

---------------

Long story short: they were emotionally affected, hard, by this teacher who wouldn't stand up for them and the fact that nobody else caught on.

-------------

This isn't about Mor. It's about me. I am Mor.

This isn't a call to "get this teacher fired!" for what they did. This is a call to remember and to acknowledge that anti-Semitism is still out there and still hurts kids, just as much as adults.

We have to remember the past so that it doesn't happen again in the future.

Never Again.

#school #jewish #antisemetism tw #islamophobia tw #mine #my story #holocaust tw #never again #judaism #holocaust remembrance #okay to reblog #please dont repost #long post #bullying tw #im so sorry if the formatting is trash

[calpalirwin]

According to Plan

A/N: Let’s check in on our girl Mads.

And away, and away we go!

~~~

Chapter 11

Madison

~~~

“Hey, how’d he like the gift?” Mike asked as I climbed into the passenger seat.

I didn’t say anything. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. My breath came out in shudders.

“Hey,” Mike said once he got me to open my eyes. “What happened?”

I think we broke up. I fumbled with the locket around my neck. I don’t understand… Then, all the emotions poured out and I started sobbing.

At home, I relayed the hospital events to Mike and our parents in shuddery breaths and hiccuped sobs. I didn’t think he’d choose for me to leave, I finished. I know he’s upset, but I didn’t think he’d ever tell me to go.

“Oh, honey,” my mother mused. “He probably didn’t mean it, sweetie.”

“Yeah,” my dad agreed. “Just give him time to cool off and to cope, baby. One fight doesn’t always mean it’s the end.”

But, I meant it. I told him if he let me walk away, I wouldn’t come back.

“That’s okay, Mads. It’s okay to say things you don’t mean. It’s okay to take them back. You’re seventeen. It’s totally normal to let emotions get the better of you.”

This wouldn’t have happened if we never moved here. I got up from the couch and went to my room. I didn’t come out until spring break was over and I had to go back to school. My phone stayed silent. I don’t know what I would have done had Ashton messaged anyway, so it was probably for the best.

Monday morning, I emerged from my room at 6:40 to go on my run. I went about my normal morning routine, finding solace in doing what I had always done. I was finishing getting dressed when Mike popped his head in my room. “Hey,” he smiled. “You feeling okay?”

I shrugged. My fingers felt restless from a week of no signing.

“Nothing, huh?”

I shook my head sadly, blinking away tears.

He walked over and stared at me through my mirror, his chin resting on my head. “That’s okay. You don’t have to communicate if you don’t want. Just… well… you have to stay motivated, okay? They won’t let you get the implant if you start slipping into a depression. I know it sucks. But, September isn’t that far away. Keep your head up.”

I nodded and wiped at my eyes. I felt awful. Like my heart had been ripped out of chest, leaving nothing but a gaping hole of nothingness. But, I needed to pull myself together. Even if Ashton was too stubborn to see the good he had, I wasn’t. I still had Yale. And my surgery had been approved and was scheduled. I had to keep to the plan I had before Ashton. I worked too hard to ruin my life over a boy. Even if I really loved that boy and I’d feel better if I still had him, too.

I don’t know what I expected at school, but Ashton hunched over crutches at my locker with a giant grin on his face wasn’t on the list. “Hey,” he greeted warmly. “How was your break?”

I jerked away as he tried to reach for me. I looked up at him, my fingers itching to move, then thought better of it. I shook my head and walked to homeroom. I’d just have to manage without my locker for now.

“C’mon, Mads… talk to me,” he pleaded when he finally hobbled his way into homeroom.

I opened my bag and pulled out a book, determined to ignore him.

He waved his hand in my face until I dropped my book. “So, you’re not gonna talk to me?” he continued to badger once I was looking at his lips.

I picked up my book, shutting him out.

A note slipped over my book, landing on my desk. I glanced at it. 

Mads, I’m sorry. 

I looked over at Ashton who reached over to grab my hand. He was able to give it a quick squeeze before I was able to snatch it away.

I shook my head, suddenly feeling angry. He didn’t get to do that. He didn’t get to yell at me, tell me to leave, ignore me for a week, and then pretend like everything was normal. As much as I wanted for things to go back to the way the were; as much as I wanted to accept his apology and tell him how sorry I was myself; as much as I wanted to feel his hand on mine, I just couldn’t. Something in me was broken and I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to fix it. I took his note and crumpled it in my fist.

“Aw, what’s wrong, Irwin?” Ben Anderson sneered at us. “Trouble in freak paradise?” Ben’s hands slammed down on my desk and he grinned a nasty grin as he said the word ‘freak’ staring directly at me as he did so.

“Aw, what’s wrong, Anderson? Claire leave you again?” Calum shot back. I imagined the words sounded just as nasty as Ben’s, but Calum’s face looked as tired as both mine and Ashton’s. Almost like he was heartbroken, too.

“Cal, don’t,” Ashton told him. “He’s not worth it.”

“Yeah, Hood. Listen to the cripple with the freak girlfriend,” Ben continued to sneer.

I’m not sure what compelled me to do so, maybe the way his mouth contorted around the word ‘freak’. Maybe it was the way he called Ashton a cripple; maybe it was for all the years I had dealt with crap from people just like Ben; maybe it’s because I had been so angry lately that if I didn’t let it out I thought I’d explode; maybe this was me exploding; Whatever the reason, I clenched my hand in a fist, cocked my arm back, and socked Ben straight on the nose. “Douchebag…” I muttered.

Ashton and Calum looked from me, to Ben cradling his face, to back at me. Their eyes were wide and their mouths hung open as the teacher walked over to see what all the commotion was about. “What is going on over here?” Mrs. Hemmings demanded.

I curled and uncurled my fist a few times, becoming more aware of the pain shooting through it with each flex.

“Well?” Mrs. Hemmings demanded again, impatiently.

Ashton and Calum broke into nervous laughter. Ben started to speak rapidly, “She just hit me! The bitch just hit me!”

“Whoa!” Ashton said, “1.) She’s not a bitch. Call her that again and I’ll break your nose myself. 2.) He started it, Mrs. H. Mads was just defending herself.”

“Bullshit!” Ben spat, “she broke my nose!”

“You could use an improvement,” Calum sneered.

“That’s enough out of you three,” Mrs. Hemmings said before turning to me. “Miss Clifford? Would you care to explain.”

I quickly scribbled a note. 

He called Ashton a cripple and me a freak. I don’t like bullies.

“So you thought hitting him would be the answer?”

I shook my head and packed up my stuff, deciding to go to the office on my own accord seemed better then him ordering me.

She held up his hand to stop me. “Miss Clifford, stay in your seat, please,” Mrs. Hemmings said.

I stopped moving and sat back in my seat.

“I’m a firm believer in dealing with incidents in my classroom within the walls of my classroom,” Mrs. Hemmings said. “Mr. Anderson, I suggest that you go to the nurse and get yourself cleaned up. And I expect to see all four of you later for detention where we’ll continue this conversation. Understood?”

We all nodded.

I sighed as Mrs. Hemmings walked away and Ben went to the nurse. I had never hit anybody in my life. I had never had detention before, either. But, it was probably better than being suspended.

“Nice punch,” Ashton whispered to me, grinning.

I looked at him blankly before I picked up my book again.

Ashton sighed and put his head on his desk. He had that same defeated look in his eyes that he had in the hospital.

It made my heart hurt knowing that this time it was because I was ignoring him. But what was I going to tell him? I could forgive him for saying the things he had said out of anger. But, could I ever forgive him for letting me walk out like I meant nothing to him? Could I trust him not to take his anger and frustrations out on my every time something upset him? Could I trust that he wouldn’t let me go again? Could I trust myself that I wouldn’t run scared when he pushed me away like I was doing now? And even if I could, it didn’t change the fact that we were going on two different paths in a few more months. Even if we could move past this fight, it didn’t change the fact that I was going to Yale and he to Duke. 

I thought about what he had told me at the lake house- about how we’d make it. I thought about the little apartment near Duke we would maybe live in when I came back from Yale in 2 years. 

I quickly shook away the thoughts as I felt a smile creep onto my face. No. It would mean another goodbye and I was barely surviving this one. Us being over now would save us both a lot of heartache. Well, it would save him the heartache. As for me, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get over him.

“You punched someone? Have you lost your goddamn mind?” Mike scolded me during first period, as he looked at my hand that was bruising up rather nicely.

“It wasn’t her fault,” Ashton interjected. “Anderson was way out of line.”

“And you just let her deal with it herself? Smooth move, Irwin…” He glared at Ashton before turning back to me. “Have you absolutely lost it? What if you’re suspended? You think Yale wants somebody who breaks people’s noses when they look at her the wrong way?”

I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t like he’d never gotten in trouble for punching someone.

“Drop it, Mike. Luke’s mom isn’t going to suspend anybody. We’ll spend a few days in detention; it won’t even get reported to the office,” Ashton tried again to come to my defense.

“Oh, put a sock in it, Irwin! This is your fault, you know! All of this!” Mike yelled at him, his own hands clenched into fists.

I finally snapped myself, my fingers grateful to be moving. Shut up! Both of you! Mike, you can’t get mad at me for defending myself and you can’t get mad at Ashton for not defending me either, when Ashton made it very clear that we weren’t together anymore. Now, both of you, zip it!

“Mads… I didn’t mean… Are we broken up? Is that what you want?” Ashton asked.

I sighed, suddenly very confused, along with angry and frustrated. He had a point. We had never actually said the words that we were breaking up. But between the fight and ignoring each other all break, I had assumed we were. Can we not do this now? I asked, feeling my eyes water as my vision went blurry. A wave of new anger rolled over me. God, I was so sick of crying!

“Yeah, we can talk later. Maybe after detention we can go figure all this out?”

I nodded. I didn’t sign for the rest of the day.

In Mrs. Hemming’s class after school, she had us all sit in different parts of the room. “So, have we all calmed down?” she asked after we took our seats.

I nodded, along with Ashton and Calum. It was Ben who shook his head. “She just gets away with punching me?” he asked.

“From all accounts I’ve heard and seen, it was self defense,” Mrs. Hemmings told him. “Mr. Anderson, you have a history of acting aggressively. Miss Clifford does not. If I report this I’m certain it will affect your future much more than it’ll affect hers. But, if you’re so inclined...” she let the words hang in the air.

“No, it’s fine,” Ben huffed.

“That’s what I thought,” Mrs. Hemmings smiled. “Now, as for you, Mr. Hood and Mr. Irwin. You two didn’t really have anything to do with this, so you’re both free to go.”

Ashton and Calum exchanged a look, grabbed their stuff and left the room.

When the door closed, Mrs. Hemmings turned his attention back to Ben and me. “So, are we in agreeance that this won’t happen again, and to move past this particular situation without retaliation?”

I nodded, and after a glowering look from Mrs. Hemmings, Ben also nodded.

“Good,” Mrs. Hemmings clapped her hands together. “See you both in class.”

I grabbed my stuff and left the classroom. Ashton was there, waiting for me. That was weird.

“Yeah, Luke’s mom is like that. You ready?”

I nodded and followed him to his truck. I sat in the passenger seat, everything feeling so familiar I almost forgot what we were doing. “So… look, I’m really sorry. About everything,” he blurted. “I was angry, and I took it out on you. And it wasn’t right. Especially when all you were trying to do was make me feel better. I just… needed time to be miserable, I guess.”

I nodded, taking in his words. I’m sorry, too. I could have been more sympathetic.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I was a jerk. I would’ve left me too.”

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I want so badly to move past this.

“Then let’s do that,” he practically begged. “Don’t give up on us.”

But college… we’re going to two different places. I thought I could do it, but honestly, I don’t think I can say goodbye to you again.

“Who said we had to say goodbye?”

2 years is a long time to be away from someone you love. And what if I decide to do grad school?

“You want to do grad school?”

I don’t know. Maybe. Yale has a really good Masters program for photography.

“But, the apartment at Duke…” his lips stopped moving.

I sighed a heavy sigh. This wasn’t the plan, I signed more to myself than to him, beginning to cry. The plan was always Yale… I didn’t plan to fall in love. I didn’t plan to have my heart broken. What do I do?

He wrapped his arms around me, and I let him hold me. Despite the past week, he still felt so safe. “Do you trust me?” he asked, tilting my chin so I could see him.

I don’t know. I want to. God, I want to…

“Madison. Do you know that I’m sorry? Do you believe me?”

I nodded.

“Can you give me another chance? To make it up to you and show you that we can handle whatever distance we’ll be facing?”

Why didn’t you message me during spring break? I wiped my eyes.

“I was angry. I was angry at myself for letting you walk out. I was angry at you for being so level-headed when I just wanted you to be there for me; to let me be angry. I was scared that I just fucked everything up. Then, when I finally calmed down, I didn’t think texting was going to be enough. So, I went to your house, but your parents said you were sick.”

You came to my house?

“Yeah. I thought you were actually sick. Stupid…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, something I had learned he did when he was embarrassed by his actions. God, a matter of months had all it taken for my world to take a complete 180 and all over a boy. A boy I knew I would spend the rest of my life loving. “I’m so sorry…” he was saying.

I leaned my head back and stared out into the parking lot. Was it worth getting back together when I knew what it felt like to lose him? Was it worth the risk? What would happen if we had a fight like this with states between us rather than a few street lights? 

On the other hand, what if everything got even better? What if Ashton made me happier as time went on and we only feel deeper for each other? Could I live with myself if I called things off without knowing what we were actually capable of?

I thought about each question, grateful that Ashton remained quiet so I could think in peace. In the end, I decided that I owed it to myself to listen to my dad’s advice, as well as the advice I’d yelled at Ashton while he laid in a hospital bed. That one fight, didn’t mean it was over, and that one little setback didn’t automatically spell disaster. As fearful as I was about our suddenly very unstable future, I wasn’t ready to let this be our ending. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the only boy I ever loved.

Okay.

“Okay what?”

I’m willing to give us another chance.

“Good, because I’ve really missed you.”

I reached over to kiss him. I’ve really missed you, too. But, can we not push each other away when we’re angry? I really didn’t like that. Or you, to be honest.

“I didn’t like me either,” he half laughed. “No ultimatums either. You can’t threaten not to come back if I need time to cope with things. No matter how angry I sound and how angry it makes you feel.”

I nodded. Honesty and no being jerks to each other. Simple.

“Simple,” he agreed.

#according to plan #chapter 11 #ashton irwin #5sos #galcal irwin

[witchspiritualwhatami]

Valentine’s Day:

Signs of Truth (for me)

It’s weird, but Valentine’s Day has become a day that if I was in a relationship and it was doing poorly, if it wasn’t healthy for me, I would often get sick during Valentine’s Day. The week of, the day before or the day of, I would end up sick.

Seems sketchy when I have said that and not consistent. But there’s a pattern and it depends on the degree of how horrible things are going. It’s happened with three different guys.

Understand I never got incredibly ill till I was 16 and it often happened around Valentine’s Day, but keeping track, it’s when the relationship was going bad.

💔 Boyfriend A- he was emotionally abusive, manipulative, had anger issues, and sexually molested? Assuaged me (I say this and not rape, because clothes never came off, and he never went underneath underwear that I can recall but I still felt violated often and dirty).

The morning of Valentine’s Day while still dating him, I got the flu for the first time in my life. It was the stomach flu, had to go to the hospital I was doing so bad for I couldn’t stop throwing up and keep anything down. It was horrible.

Asshole only got me a card and it was half assets to where he just signed his name in it. In anger I kept the chocolate I originally got for him and ate it myself. Broke up with him months later in July.

Yes, I know too long, but hey, that’s how emotional abuse and manipulation works.

💔Boyfriend B- we had dated before Boyfriend A, but Valentine’s Day had been good for things were going good. He broke me heart in the fall of our first time together

We got back together and our first Valentine’s day, things were going well. I wasn’t sick.

By the next Valentine’s Day were had been struggling. He was being a piece of shit. We Both in college and there was drama involving my ex. Boyfriend A (he was talking to my ex about me and him{ boyfriend b}. To get into it more would be something I rather not do.

I got a sinus infection that Valentine’s Day.

A month later, a week after spring break, when I just went back home and spent time with him, I got back to college and within a week of being back at college, he broke with me over the phone. Despite I was just there last week.

This was the second time he broke my heart. (Yes, I know, why go after him again, but hey I thought ‘people change and I did still care for him).’ After that, I was fucking angry at him and a tiny bit at myself.

More so angry at him, for he took my second chance and blew it.

💔Boyfriend C- Ah, this is a fucking saga in itself. I was with him a long time. A long time. Longer than the average length that people are married in the United States (7-8 years is what I keep finding).

So for many years despite struggles things were going well. Than I became chronically ill after I got an illness that would forever change my life. Now, I separate that and don’t use it as a sign because it didn’t happen around Valentine’s Day, it didn’t start as far as I am aware.

Months earlier my exes mental state was growing concerning. I always had wanted him to go to therapy, but he would always put it off. He had a drinking problem and had gotten better, but he was getting worse again. To where even in my state of illness I would have to take care of him when super drunk despite being so ill myself some days I could bathe or feed myself.

Like I would find him drunk on the bathroom floor and passed out.

He also had anger issues and other undiagnosed mental illness he wouldn’t get help for that was growing worse. I knew he had depression and possibly paranoia, but his other behavior was scary and it had grown increasingly worse since I became sick.

I began to find tactics to help him calm down, out of fear he would hurt me. He had punched a wall in the past and would later in 2016 (long after Valentine’s Day) crack my headboard as he hit his head against in anger over something stupid.

Take note, this is now on top of chronic illness I dealt with.

❣️February 2016- the week of, I got the flu. It was bad and I felt miserable the whole time.

❣️February 2017- I was sick with a sinus infection starting the day before I believe.

(That year with being at home all the time because of chronic illness, I had a lot of time. I began to question the fact I had always wanted to kiss Lucy Lui starting at ten and thought her freckles were. The same when Natalie Dormer after I saw her in the tudors years later.

However with being bullied by girls so often more than I had by guys prior I grew to fear them, especially if pretty girls. I did find myself liking one girl and wishing to be her at the same time cause she was so pretty and smart while in high school, but I quickly glossed over that, than with growing up in a conservative household; my ignorance on lgbt issues, and how my mom also had a distrust of girls for she faces a lot of bullying growing up as well. Both of us were quiet awkward people.

This confusion was[ is] bound to be a thing....

I think the fact I had become so nervous of either gender thanks to my awful dating history and dealing with girls bullying me a lot when younger... I realized I may be bisexual. I know that’s very odd and long winded summary, but to put every detail down would just give me away.

Apparently there is a thing that you are so far in the closet, you don’t realize it? Yeah, that was/is me.)

❣️February 2018- I was sick for most of the month. I first got a sinus infection, then dealt with the flu and then developed bronchitis. That was a fun month.

(That ear I really began to confront internally the Catholic Church I grew up in and always struggled to accept in my heart since I was 12.)

❣️February 2019- got a sinus infection that week.

Broke up with his ass in July of 2019. He stated that he supposedly fell out of love with me, but still loves me. (Aka, I love you, but not in love).

Since I read other couples can face this during times of struggle and I was dealing with issues with him, I asked if he was willing to try to help make things work and fix things. He was indecisive like usual, I had enough and broke up with him.

He moved out in December and I could see the regret on his face as he was leaving, not out of what he had done or how it ended, but he realized we were no longer going to be a thing. I felt no sympathy.

Was painful when he moved out, but I was also relieved.

💖 💖💖February 2020💖💖💖

I’m single this year. For the first time in a very long time. I have so far not been sick this month save for usual chronic illness. It’s been really nice.

I got some things for myself prior to this day to enjoy. I’m going to see an opera tonight with my mom. She and dad never do anything on Valentine’s Day for they hate crowds, but I asked if we could spend time together since I knew otherwise it would be a difficult day for me. We are seeing Romeo and Juliet.

I still don’t feel like I have my shit together, but I am happier than I have been in a long time.

With being bisexual (I still feel weird saying that. I live with my parents because of my chronic illness and I haven’t come out yet. Although becaus I haven’t dated a girl before, [although I have kissed one and yes, I liked it....] I don’t know if it’s normal for it to not feel real.)

With being torn between agnostic and deists in my beliefs, I’m still trying to figure things out.

Either way, whatever I am, I’m okay. I can now work on myself, figure out myself, and begin love myself. Whatever I am.

This Valentine’s Day, I hope whoever reads this, doesn’t forget to love themselves. I’m working on trying to do this. Not let the abusive negative talk overwhelm me and rule my mind. Years of bad dating and relationships have contributed to my mental illness I already had since eleven years old.

After I broke up with my ex, I said- “No Dating.” Unlike others I have known and know that keep jumping from relationship to relationship like they are frogs in a lily pond fearing they will drown.

It has confused one friend who suggested within a month I create a dating profile. She recently suggested it within the past month and I said again, “I want to heal and take care of myself first. Love myself. I don’t need anyone to be happy.”

No, I’m going to learn to love and care for myself first. Even if I’m single forever, I rather be that than be with a piece of shit or someone who doesn’t deserve me ever again. I may not be the best of the best, not gorgeous like a Hollywood celebrity, not a genius, not wealthy, but I’m human and I still deserve to be treated with respect.

You can’t have a loving relationship, if there is no respect. Not just from your partner, but from yourself.

Whether in a relationship, dating, or single, I hope you remember you deserve love and respect. You deserve it and fuck anyone that says otherwise.

Take care.

Happy Valentine’s Day

#valentines day #love #self love #signs #tw: assault #tw: abuse #coming out #?