#I just want to finish the book and have dedicated writing time EACH week

[strangerays]

am I doing preptober well I guess now I am

#nanowrimo is 20 days away I GOT this #I wanna finish this goddamn story so bad #not only because I’ve been writing it for three years but also cause I wanna know what happens !!!! #plus I think I can do this at least **semi** well???? #well enough that i have something to edit over winter break #now #I am a student #so I won’t be going for 50k #I just want to finish the book and have dedicated writing time EACH week #my little heart will love this 💚✨✨

[flowercrowngods]

Prompt that has been eating my brain: Eddie finishes his book, and he hasn't shown it to anybody. Steve knows about it, but he doesn't really know much about it at all. And of course, dedications and acknowledgements. Eddie has been wandering around the apartment grumbling to himself for the best part of two weeks trying to figure them out. What if they fall apart the week after the book comes out? What if they end up hating each other? What if every time he goes to sign his name he's reminded of the boy he lost? I need your thoughts because you have better thoughts on this than me.

you have better thoughts on this than me what the fuck dude 😭 i mean i do have thoughts. i hope they get the bats out of your brain

“Eddie,” Steve’s voice gently breaks through the eerie silence that has oh so mockingly settled in the room. It’s silent because Eddie is staring at the screen, unmoving and petrified. He’s been staring at the word Acknowledgements for so long it has long since stopped looking like a real word, the concept disintegrating while its meaning is only gaining weight, cutting off his throat at the worst of times and making him frown in frustration at the best of times.

The book is finished. It’s done. How come he’s only hitting the hardest part now? It’s fucking laughable.

“Babe,” Steve says again, and this time there’s a warm body at his back, leaning into him until arms wrap around his shoulders and Steve’s cheek comes to rest on the crown of Eddie’s head. “Come to bed,” he whispers, and Eddie leans back briefly, soaking up Steve’s warmth.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he murmurs.

“Liar.” Steve huffs against him and then shifts to press a kiss to Eddie’s hair before moving back to his original position. He must be looking at the screen, and Eddie wants to reach out and hide it, close the windows, shut it all down. “I thought you were done?”

“I am,” Eddie says and sighs.

“But?”

“But I’m being stupid about it.”

Steve makes an unhappy noise and wraps his arms tighter around Eddie. “Wanna talk about it?”

Does he? He doesn’t, it’s stupid, it’s literally not a big deal. He’s just all up in his own head about acknowledgments, because that’s like breaking a wall. Writing a book can be all about the characters, about the setting, about the message or the journey or whatever.

But when you open a book and on the first page it says, For Anna, then that makes it a real thing that happened in this world. It’s not isolated anymore. And when you finish the book and are about to close it, but then it says, I’d like to thank a whole bunch of people without whom this would not have been possible, then that’s sort of the most mortifying thing Eddie has ever had to confront.

Because what if he thanks Dustin but then something happens and they stop being important to each other? His name will forever be in this book, immortalised as long as people know to read these letters and words. What if he dedicates this book to Steve and then they fall apart? Eddie doesn’t want to build the immortality of art on the fragile pillars that are his heart and soul.

But he can’t tell Steve that. Because Steve would look at him, cup his cheeks and tell him not to acknowledge him like that, then. Easy as that, Eddie, now come to sleep.

But it’s not easy as that.

“That depends,” he says at last. “Are you feeling particularly philosophically inclined tonight?”

“Hmm? How’d you mean?” Steve sounds sleepy and wonderful, and Eddie wants to wrap himself up in it. Wants to write a thousand more books and dedicate them all to Steve, because even if it doesn’t last, it exist right now. Their love is worth to be immortalised for what it is.

Okay, maybe he does want to talk about this pretty badly.

“Let’s get ready for bed and then will you let me ramble at you until we fall asleep?”

“Hmm, deal,” Steve says, smile evident in his voice, and he presses another kiss to Eddie’s hair before they head into the bathroom to get ready for bed together.

When Steve pulls the covers over them and cuddles into Eddie’s side, they spend a few minutes just basking in each other before Steve pulls back to look at Eddie.

“Okay, what’s got you so up in your head, hm?”

Eddie explains. And Steve listens. And he doesn’t take Eddie’s face in his hands to tell him not to worry about mentioning him. Eddie is glad he doesn’t.

“There’s enough of everyone I know in these characters already, but still somehow this is different. What if you’ll hate me some day? What if we don’t make it? I don’t… I don’t want to immortalise something that will cause me pain. But I don’t want to run from it either, because no future version of either you or me could change what we have right now, right this second. You will always have been lying next to me just now. Nothing can change that. So it’s really not a big deal, but…”

“But it sort of is,” Steve finishes for him, and Eddie sags into the mattress a little because Steve understands.

If not everything, then the part that matters.

But Steve isn’t done yet, and he has tis thinking face on, the rare one that allows Eddie to lie back and listen as his Stevie will be the one with the rambles tonight.

“I get why you would obsess over that, but I think you might know the answer already, too. And maybe you’re running from that? Because no matter how hard you try, you can only ever immortalise the present. Or the past. But you can’t do that with the future. So what you have to do is to hope and to trust and to try.”

He intertwines their fingers and Eddie pulls him close, nudging Steve to lay his head on his chest the way he loves to do even as he continues talking the thoughts right out of Eddie’s head.

“I mean, obviously I can’t promise you that we will last forever. I wish I could, but time and life are just too tricky to be recklessly challenged by such promises. But I can promise you that no one will leave you because you loved them hard enough to put it in black ink on a paper in the back of your first ever book, Eddie. I know it’s terrifying to communicate to the world that you care about people and to hope that they care right back, but in the end that’s what… That’s what got you to write a book, isn’t it? You talk, very dramatically at times by the way, about the relationship between art and love and life. Obviously, writing the book is art, influenced by life and love. There is no shame in framing your art in a little bit of life and a little bit of love. With the dedication and the acknowledgements. Because you’re you. And you’re loved and you love. No future will change that. Maybe the people will vary, but what you immortalise aren’t necessarily the people themselves. You immortalise for yourself a reminder that good things exist in your life.

And when they leave? They’ll be replaced. And maybe you’ll have a collection of acknowledgements one day. Of all things good. All things life and love and family. And, I don’t know, but I don’t think that’s too bad. Mortifying, sure. It makes you vulnerable, definitely. But most good things do when they’re worth being acknowledged.”

It still baffles him an unfair amount, time and time again, how existential Steve can be sometimes. How much he listens to Eddie to use his exact terms, how much he understands from the barely intelligible mutterings and ramblings that Eddie loses himself in almost immediately, getting all wrapped up in the golden thread until there’s no unwinding anymore and he has to give up.

Buts it’s fine if he gets it all twisted because Steve will be there, right there by his side, and carefully disentangle Eddie’s limbs with a confused little frown because to him it all makes sense somehow, and he doesn’t really understand how Eddie got here.

So when Steve says all of this, Eddie feels gutted. He feels seen. He feels a bit stupid for worrying so much. The weight on his chest is lifted and the obsessive worrying that has made his head all fuzzy is retreating.

Can it be so easy? Can it just be a collection of who he is, whom he loves and who cares for him enough to let themselves be immortalised by a shapely blotch of ink? Can it be okay in the end? Can it be that sixty years down the line, Eddie looks through all his books and reads the dedications and acknowledgements, and think kindly of everyone?

The image makes him long for that kind of peacefulness. A serenity, a love, a lifetime acknowledged.

“No, that’s not so bad at all.”

Eddie’s eyes begin to sting for some reason and he wraps his arms tighter around Steve. A silence settles between them that tastes a lot like freedom.

“Hey, Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

Eddie swallows and smiles into the darkness of their room. “I think I’ll dedicate my first book to Wayne.”

A happy hum reverberates through Eddie’s chest, and Steve, half asleep by now, says, “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” For being the smartest person I know. For loving me. For acknowledging.

#steddie #steddie fic #stranger things #this is not exactly 4am floaty fic but i do intend to get a couple more hours of sleep tonight so you’ll excuse me i hope #okay it’s a written between midnight and 1am floaty fic. is it even floaty? just steve being existential smart #dio words #at this point i’m writing all these weird little fics for your eyes only and you might be the only one who reads them but that’s fine 🤍 #we’re both lucky i didn’t include the ‘almost acknowledged’. wasn’t ready to spiral again lmao i should sleep

[writeblrfantasy]

writeblr celebration!

it's been an incredible year for writers everywhere, and in a time when it's harder and harder to get recognition for your work, during a year that has given so much to me, i just wanted to give back and shout some people out. this is just a very, very small chunk of the writeblr pie!

first off, a huge congratulations to @ashen-crest for the explosive and incredible launch of a rival most vial. watching this go from your brainchild to the blorbos on my dash to a fully formed book to a viral sensation on indie lists and fantasy contests everywhere. it was, no question, my favorite read of the year. there is genuine magic in those pages, i am convinced. it's been magic to watch the book soar just as it deserves.

i hope the success continues to follow you in the new year!! you deserve every bit of the reward for all of your hard work. congratulations, and i can't wait to see what you come up with next!

next, @magic-is-something-we-create finished whispers, a lifechanging and deeply emotional read that i still think about 7 months later. watching you write this was inspirational and incredible to witness, you are an absolute Writing Beast. it's my favorite book of yours now. in my head, whispers is still just a concept that you'll write someday. it's crazy to remember that it's fully just. done. whoa

(go beta it for him if you have the time to read a Thick novel! you won't regret it. like i said, lifechanging) in addition, your drawings only get better and better with each one. watching how fast and how amazingly you completed each one was the best part of my week. you are a stunning artist in every way, and i wish you the best of luck in 2024 <3

@aritany, congratulations on surviving the tradpub trenches and emerging on the other side with your book!! your book is gonna be out in the world so soon! that's so cool, and so hard, and i'm so proud of you for making it through. i know your publishing career is going to be incredible.

(congrats on slaying nanowrimo, btw!! 10th novel is no joke) and i just can't wait to see what you come up with in the future. every idea and concept of yours is god tier. i always get so excited talking to you when you have a new wip, it's literal magic in the air. happy 2024 to you, may it be prosperous physically and mentally!

to the lovely @abalonetea, congrats on publishing your novels this year. the success of IDS85 has been incredible to witness; you deserve every bit of that reward. i only wish that all of your books got such recognition! it's always so fun to see what you're doing, what wonderful ideas are cooking up in your brain. no one does horror like you do, and the fact that you do it while balancing your day job is so impressive. i'm wishing you luck and love and ease in 2024!!

and for my good friend @ettawritesnstudies, where to begin! it was such a pleasure to meet you in person this year, a pleasure to watch and cheer you on as you graduated (!!) and worked on runaways. i hope i get to hold that book in my hands someday soon, or whatever else you publish. if you have one fan, it'll be me. if you have one person buying your books, it'll be me.

(i need to be like sleepy and have a dedicated shelf of writeblr friend books.) all the luck and vibes and love to you for 2024, i'm so excited to see where you go next.

and last but not least, @sleepyowlwrites holds this whole community together. writeblr is made so much better because of you, how inclusive, thoughtful, and kind you are to each one of us. thank you, sleepy, for everything you do and your gentle soul. i think of you often. i wish you the best of luck with your wips in 2024 and beyond, and i hope the best of successes touches you!

life is busy, and we all get caught up in the day to day, but i'd love if you could take a moment to spread the love! reblog with your favorite writeblrs and their greatest accomplishments. i want to end the year/start the new one with a vibe of positivity and sharing the successes we've all had. let's pass it on <3

#writeblr #writing #fantasy writeblr #original fiction #writers #indie authors #fantasy #fiction

[nanowrimo]

Unlocking the 8 Secrets of Web Novels

If you’re looking to try something new this Camp NaNoWriMo, why not a web novel? Participant Eitan Estheim talks about what a web novel is and how to get started on your episodic writing adventure! The act of writing has been with us for a long time, but that doesn't prevent us from learning different ways to approach it, especially when we take advantage of the new technologies that are emerging.

Web novels (and their variants) are original stories that are published on the internet in chapters, instead of offering the finished product from the beginning. They resemble self-publishing because the author takes care of the entire process (writing, editing, publishing, promotion), and fanfiction because they maintain close contact with the readers.

Generally, authors usually offer their content for free on the internet. However, some authors will publish in advance on Patreon to offer incentives and get monthly paid subscriptions as if it were the Netflix of books.

I've been doing this for a while now and, although I don't have the impact of other writers, that hasn't stopped me from learning a lot in the process. With this in mind, I'm going to tell you what I’ve learned, both on my own and thanks to others.

1. Choose where to publish your web novel. Nowadays, there are several platforms such as Wattpad, Royal Road, Tapas or Kindle Vella, among many others. Some are more suitable for romance and contemporary stories, while others highlight fantasy or litRPG. Keep this in mind before deciding where you want to start.

2. Be prepared. Unlike other ways of publishing a book, a web series requires regular updates. This means you need to create content frequently. As a result, many authors choose to have several weeks of chapters prepared. This ensures they can continue publishing while writing the next chapters, along with all the additional tasks that this entails.

3. Be realistic with your time. Referring to the previous point, we need to take a moment to consider everything we must do: write new content, make sure it's in good condition for publication (editing), promote on social media, etc. Many of us have jobs and responsibilities, so we must be aware of how much we can accomplish each day.

4. Every story is unique. What works for one author may not work the same for another. Some decide to publish short chapters from Monday to Friday, while others prefer to do it once or twice a week. Consider your situation and learn as you go to figure out what works best for you.

5. Take care of yourself. If you push yourself too hard, both in external obligations and in your own projects, you will reach a point where you will exhaust yourself (and that's if you're lucky). Just like in life itself, prioritize your physical and mental health, fulfill your responsibilities, and give yourself the opportunity to write under the best possible conditions.

6. Share your story. Maybe you're like me and prefer to dedicate your time to writing, planning, and editing because that's what you enjoy the most. It's understandable, but how will you get others to read your work? Get moving! Use social media, Facebook groups, and other methods because if you want others to value your work, you must make them aware of it.

7. Find your balance. Just like in any other writing project, there will be times when you write less and dedicate more time to editing or preparation. You may have periods where you write less, but that doesn't mean your productivity is lower; it just means there are other equally important tasks you must perform. Finding the right balance will allow you to progress in your short, medium, and long-term projects.

8. Take care of your readers. Remember what I mentioned about Patreon? It's not only a way for authors to receive some compensation for their work, but they also offer incentives to their followers. Most choose to offer chapters in advance, but they can also provide exclusive access to Discord/Guilded servers, EPUB/PDF files to continue reading on other devices, unlimited scenes, and a variety of other things. Just think about what you would like to have as a reader, and I'm sure you'll come up with many ideas. All of us here know how complex and exhausting writing can be, regardless of the project we're working on. However, it's equally rewarding to see our story taking shape and sharing it as if it were our own TV series. You just need to mold it in the way you desire and keep on writing!

Eitan Estheim, a passionate web serial writer hailing from Spain, is a humble virtuoso of storytelling. From an early age, armed with nothing more than a trusty notebook, Eitan embarked on a literary journey fueled by lots of chocolate. His insatiable thirst for knowledge knows no bounds, as he tirelessly hones his craft to captivate readers. Eitan's web books, spanning fantastical realms and heartfelt LGBT dramas, written in Spanish and English, mark the beginning of his promising writing career. Follow his journey on Patreon! You can also visit his website, Tumblr, Instagram, or Pinterest. Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels

#nanowrimo #camp nanowrimo #self publishing #online publishing #web novels #by nano guest #eitan estheim

[pastel-peach-writes]

Hi I really love your writing!!

I have an Adora x Fem R request in which reader is a very shy and tiny but also an incredibly talented musician (she can play guitar and sing really well) who tends to isolate herself to play alone when she’s stressed out.

She is part of the best friend squad and she has a huge crush on adora but she’s a stuttering mess around her, and adora thinks she’s adorable and teases her to see her reactions.

One day Adora finds the reader playing and singing a love song (that she wrote for Adora) alone and she’s fascinated by seeing her so confident and in her element, so when r finishes Adora compliments her and asked her who the song was dedicated to and reader freaks out but then it all ends with a confession and a kiss.

Sorry if it’s dumb, you can just ignore the request if you want😅😅

I hope you have a great day!!✨

ummm a year late and i havent wrote adora in such a long time so i am more than happy to do this for ya anon!

The Guide To Confidence (You Must Have a Guitar) | Adora x Reader

╰┈➤ PLOT: It was a long day fighting for Etheria. You and Glimmer were at each other's necks and on top of that, Catra nearly pummeled you to the ground while you were distracted. After a much-needed shower, it was time to destress and the only way you could do that was in a corner of your room with your guitar.

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Not Proofread, She/Her Pronouns, No Use of Y/n

⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ

You let your tired bones and sore body sink into your oversized beanbag chair. The fuzziness of the beanbag brushed against your calloused skin. Who knew accepting Glimmer's invitation to be a part of the best friend squad in grade school would cause you to fight the world with a princess, her best friend, and an ex-Horde officer? You sure didn't.

You grabbed your guitar from the side of the beanbag. This was often the place you resided in to play guitar, so instead of putting it up where it belonged, you laid it beside your chair for an easy pickup.

With one hand wrapped around its neck and the other around the belly, you warmed up by plucking and strumming the six-string instrument.

When you first started playing guitar, you didn't care to warm up. But as your skill advanced and your days were filled with fighting the enemy, you found that warming up was a great way to remind your body of your skill and to unwind faster.

As you pluck, strumemed, and occasionally tuned your intrustment to make sure you had the right sound, an idea popped into your head: Hey, why not flip through my songbook and sing the first one I land on?

It's been awhile since you sang a song from your book. Hell, it's been even longer since you wrote a song, but it would be fun to reflect back onto your memories.

After fifteen minutes of searching for the blue journal, you finally found it, sat back in your beanbag, and flipped through. The song you landed was a newer one. One you wrote maybe a couple of weeks ago.

You plopped the book open and onto the floor before strumming and singing along to the lyrics.

-

Oh, man. Adora whined as she scrubbed a towel on her head. The princess had just come from the showers where she needed not one, but three servants and guards to help get the gunk and goo out of her hair.

When did Catra have the time to curate a sticky slime that hardens just moments after it attacks its victim, Adora didn't know but dang, it's as effective as it is annoying.

Only in her leggings, top, and socks, Adora shuffled her feet down the hall. She continued to scrub and whine. Although her helpers did a superb job of getting the slime out of her hair, Adora felt as if it was still there and buzzing on her scalp.

Oh, no... what if Catra put a tracking device into it?! What if she's tracking me right now and planning her attack?! What if-- oh! What is that sound?

Adora's steps softened as she tiptoed up to your open room door. You were shy when it came to Adora, which first upset her seeing how you interact with Bow and Glimmer, but after careful observation, she figured it was because you had a crush on her.

At least, that was what she thought. She could be wrong, she tends to be egotistical sometimes, but you were always stuttering around her and looking up at her with those doe eyes of yours.

Adora wanted to squeeze you, wrap her arms around you, and twirl you around like her own personal doll. She even referred to you as her doll when talking to other people.

After figuring out, or blinding wishing, about your crush on her, Adora teased you a lot. She called you cute and adorable, got really close to you when she didn't have to be, and smirked down at you a lot all to see your flustered face and to hear your stutters.

Honestly, Adora didn't have to do anything to get you to stutter. You stuttered on your own around her. It kinda boosted her ego, just a little bit.

Because she's rarely heard you not stutter, she was amazed to hear how powerful and bold your voice is when it came to singing.

You're taking ownership of your musical talent with confident strums and notes. You're loud, but not too loud to annoy. Just loud enough to own the stage, as if you were on one.

Adora peeked her head inside of your room to see you engulfed by your beanbag and guitar. Your small fingers moved expertly on the frets of the guitar and the part by the hole. Adora never knew what that part was called. Does that part even have a name? Adora made a note to ask you about it later.

Obviously, the song meant something to you. You were singing with emotion and passion. It was similar to how you fought sometimes. You're strong and precise in your fighting style and you're just as strong and precise here too. It was like you made sure to go above and beyond in certain parts of the song.

Adora didn't know what came over her when you finished the song. All she knew was one second she was peeking her head into your room to be nosey and the next she was standing in the middle of your room clapping and cheering.

"Whoa!" she giggled. She continued to clap despite your efforts to shush her or usher her out of the room. "You're really good at singing and playing the guitar! Who would've known?" she continued to giggle and laugh.

Your heart was in your stomach when she clapped you out of your music trance. Your eyes must've been closed because you didn't even notice her come in. Let's just hope she wasn't listening too closely to the song.

"Th-Thank you! Goodnight now, Adora!" you exclaim, pushing her on her back. Adora wasn't moving at all. Maybe it was her stubbornness or maybe she was just stronger than you thought, but your pushes didn't even make her budge.

She was wearing socks! She should be sliding around the tiled floor like soft butter on a hot roll!

"Oh, wait now," Adora laughed. She turned around to face you and grabbed your hands. "You have to tell me what song that is! It's so beautiful and your guitar playing literally touched my soul. I didn't even know that was possible until right now."

Her childlike wonder about your song made it very hard for you to kick her out of your room. Who could say no to those blue eyes and blonde hair that just goes past her shoulders?

With a sigh, you look to the floor. "I... m-made it," you told her at a barely audible volume.

Adora's eyes bulged out of her head, and her jaw sank to the floor. "You made that?" she exclaimed. "No way! So, like, if you made that song which was obviously a love song, who was that song about?"

Despite having a hunch on who your crush is, Adora was still oblivious to the fact that was song was about her.

Come on, Adora. The song was literally an acrostic, (a name poem), about you!

"Uh," you stammered over your words. Your gaze was no longer on your floor but instead dashing to every nook and cranny of your room. You would look at anything, literally anything, to avoid her gaze right now.

With every movement of your eyes, Adora moved her head to meet your gaze. Maybe your stare would somehow reveal who the song was about. Perfuma? Entrapta? Oh! Maybe it was Glimmer! Or Bow?

"Come on," she whined. She squeezed your hands. Oh, yeah. You're still holding hands, by the way. "Can you tell me? I won't tell a soul. Shera's honor."

You met her gaze with a heavy sigh. You didn't believe that she wouldn't tell a soul; Adora can't keep a secret to save her life but those puppy eyes and pout were very convincing.

Adora could feel it. She could feel that you were about to spill her guts to her and it's all because she's holding your hands and pleading like a kid in a sword shop-- oh, update that phrase. Glimmer told Adora the right phrase was a kid in a candy shop. Not sword. (Thanks, Horde).

"The s-song may or may not be ab-about–" Oh, come on. You're so close! Just one more syllable. "you?"

Adora hummed. She took her hands out of yours and stroked her chin. Her? The song was about her? Meaning you actually do have a crush on her and she wasn't being delusional. Her lesbian crush on you was reciprocated and you liked her so badly that you had to write a song about her.

While her mind was spinning with different ways how to tease you about this, you stood in front of her sweating bullets. Did she not like that you wrote about her? What if your gaydar was wrong and she actually wasn't into girls? One, that would be a total loss for the gays and theys and two, would that mean the best friend squad finally had a straight person in the friend group? Interesting.

Moments of silence later and Adora was still stroking her chin with an unrecognizable look of her face. Sweating out your armpits and soon the back of your shirt, you decided you couldn't take it anymore.

"I-I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable!" you yelped to her. Adora murmured a "huh?" but you were too in your own world to hear it. "If you want me to destroy the song, I will! I-I'll take the book, rip-rip the pages out, and then throw it in-into the dumpster and light it on fire! I swear! I'd do that!"

Your tangent of accidentally offending Adora and destroying your song threw Adora for a loop. Why would she be upset? Why would she want you to destroy the song?

Adora hasn't heard much music in her life, but your song was the best thing she's ever heard. Destroying that would deny the world of art and Adora was one for the arts.

The blonde tried calling your name and speaking to you to snap you out of your tangent, but you were in too deep, nothing would be able to pull you out.

Out of words to say to get you out of it, Adora took matters into her own hands. Literally. She cupped your warm cheeks and pulled you in close to her body.

Your breath hitched and shook as she caught you by surprise. Her breath was warm yet cool, thanks to the minty freshness of her toothpaste and mouthwash. She was a winter mint person. You took note of that.

Just centimeters apart and your eyes staring into each other's, you were surprised you were the first one to speak. "Why'd y-you do that?"

Adora shrugged. Her eyes danced between yours. "I don't know," she whispered. "I just need a way to shut you up." You went to pout, but the sound of Adora's chuckle stopped you from doing so. "No, I don't mean it like that. I mean that I want to tell you something but in order for you to hear what I gotta say, you gotta stop talking first. You think you can do that for me?"

No words came out of your mouth as you hummed and nodded.

Adora smiled endearingly, her eyes slimming and her cheeks puffing up. "I like you too," she whispered. "Have for a while. I like the song and I'm not offended or weirded out or even grossed out by you writing about me. I think it's cute. You put what you want to say into a song. You're in touch with your emotions and music and I think that's beautiful."

Were you dreaming? You had to be. Your biggest crush of all time had your face in her hands and was telling you that she had a crush on you. You! The stuttering girl who could only say what she wanted through song. She liked you. She really liked you.

"If... If you like me... then why didn't you kiss me?"

"Huh?" a soft chuckle escaped past her lips.

"I mean, if you like me, you should've kissed me to get me to stop talking. Not just grab my face."

Adora smirked, tilting her head to the side. "Oh, yeah? Is that how this is supposed to go?" You gave her a little chuckle and nod. "Okay, well, if you must know, I didn't kiss you because I wasn't even sure if you wanted to be kissed by me. You know, consent?"

You grinned. You put your hands on top of hers. "If kissing me is the only way to shut me up, then you have the consent to shut me up anytime."

Adora's smirk only grew. Her blue eyes shined and sparkled in the lighting of your room. The moment she's been dreaming of ever since she laid her eyes on you was finally coming true.

She leaned in and you met her in the middle to have your lips touch. Both lips were soft on each other. While hers tasted like mint, she thought yours tasted like caramel. You were always sneaking into the kitchen to get late-night candies.

A day that was full of fighting and disputes ended with a night full of songs and confessions.

WC: 2,002

#pastel-peach-writes #pastel peach writes #lesbian #adora x reader #adora fanfic #spop adora #smug adora #she ra adora #shera fanfic #shera x reader #she ra spop #shera and the princesses of power #adora x fem!reader #fem!reader #reader insert

[userholland]

between the lines | frat!tom

finals week is here and you’re an emotional wreck, to say the least. not only is your schedule jam-packed, but there are things going on in your life as well. you need to cram, you need to meet due dates and frankly, you could use a drink to get through it all. the night you go to a frat party, you see a cute and familiar face that you have to see every time you go to the small bookstore and he’s behind the cash register.

PAIRING : frat!tom & college!fem!reader

GENRE : college, book shop, love at first sight, dramatic love confessions, wedding date, & a long (too long tbh) slow burn

WARNINGS : tom being sarcastic but cute, lots of fluff + corny dialogue, toxic parents and divorce, a light/tasteful make-out, cursing, drinking, trust issues, both reader and tom being bibliophiles (annotations & recommendations blah blah), etc.

WORD COUNT : 13.9k

A/N : mostly, inspired by an another great idea @venomsilk gave me <3 🧸🌤 🍰 dedicated to her. this is for her valentine’s celebration (a few months late, oops. but school / mental health checks happened so respectable hiatus on this fic) and i was so happy and excited to write it tbh ! i've been more into the romance ya novels lately so i really wanted to give this fic a lot of love and filled it with inspiration from books i've read. pls rec me some bc this summer i want beach reads. anyways adore and appreciate my venomsilk besthie so much. bear with me in this fic, but hope everyone enjoys ! also this header is originally from here! i just added the shredded border

𑁍 masterlist 𑁍

Books. They were a common comfort you turned toward in times of stress, sadness or simply something to make the time go by on the bus ride to campus.

The small bookstore, that you often went to on the weekends, was unique. Most books were donated or found, then there was a small selection of brand new editions on the circular table when you entered the shop.

From the tall shelves filled with fictional adventures to the big, voluptuous, and green plants decorated around the front window, everything about this place was perfect. But, the dark, curly-haired cashier with a soft smile was a bonus to your shopping experience.

Every time you approached the counter, heat would suddenly radiate from your face and your heart fluttered when the boy rose his head to meet your eyes. Sometimes, you caught him reading a classic novel, other times, he was taking his time to finish homework when the store didn’t have but one or two people browsing.

His name is Tom, once overhearing one of his co-workers call him Tommy. You didn’t know anything about him, but it fit his charming yet approachable appearance. He wore a bunch of flannels with the sleeves rolled up and a solid color tee to match underneath, the occasional baseball tee or henley if the temperature in the store was too warm.

You didn’t mean to giggle the time you walked up to him and his cheeks were bright pink from how hot it was inside compared to the coming winter chill changing the fall weather.

Once or twice, you wondered if he remembered you. It sounded egotistical, questioning your importance to some stranger, but you couldn’t help it. He gave you recommendations or comments on the books you purchased, persuasive enough to burn a bigger hole in your pocket for decent literature.

The way he smiled and giggled when you had small talk, all from asking each other how your days had been. If it was a selling tactic he used; it was working.

Some days, romanticizing simple interactions like this made life less lonely and stressful. Tom was simply a crush; just another cute guy you could think about when you think about your future and the little fantasies in between your daydreams. It was nice for a bit and then you snapped back into reality, concentrating on your studies and looking forward to getting a degree. 

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

Tom took advantage of the lazy afternoon shift between his classes.

There were little to no customers, free time to study and complete silence unless he turned on the music over the speakers throughout the store. While the minimum wage didn’t seem worth it, Tom much more preferred working at his Aunt and Uncle’s bookstore than to getting ripped off from writing English essays for his “so-called” fraternity brothers. 

As he sat at his post behind the register, comfortably wearing his black Carhartt jacket, with his head lowered so his brown curls hung down. He unknowingly pouted as he made bright-red corrections on his rough draft for one of his final papers. Even though Tom had three to four other final papers of his own to do, he was doing essays for other people. 

His final paper for his Advanced English Romanticism class was way more important and frankly, all he wanted to do was pass with high grades, but earning money for next semester’s tuition by easily bullshitting Shakespeare’s literature theories or creating basic fictional, short stories for people who were barely sober 12 hours out of the day made his eyes wander to the rough drafts in his worn backpack.

The ink imprinted his, sloppy but small, handwriting on the side of his hand, and the end of the pen had a few bites when he was re-thinking his sentences and paraphrasing.

Suddenly, the bell above the entrance door rang, not phasing Tom to look up since people came in and out, but he glanced up when he noticed the familiar color of the jacket you wore. He had seen you a few times, wearing that same navy blue jacket with a red and black stripe going down the sleeves. 

A gloss filmed over his bright-brown eyes but looked away once you walked toward the back, admiring the books placed perfectly around the best-sellers table at the center of the store. You were the same, pretty girl who wandered around the stop for an hour, maybe two, seeking a book and nothing else. 

Each one that came to Tom’s counter was a different genre from a worn-out classic or a fairly used historical fiction– it intrigued him so, he’d list a few recommendations. After a bit of, what he considered, flirting, you left with a big smile until two or three days passed and there you were again, searching and reading in between the numerous aisles.

“Think fast!”

Tom already flinched, but a soccer ball thumped against the side of his head and he immediately pressed his palm on his temple.

“Jesus…” Tom hissed under his breath, his eyes giving a dirty look toward his friend, “A ‘hello’ would have sufficed.”

“What? You’re not happy to see me?” Harrison grinned, holding the ball under his arm.

Tom quickly retorted, “Why are you bothering me at work?” 

Harrison tilted his head.

 “Because I cherish every second we spend together…” He smiled before rolling his eyes, “What do you think? We have a meeting at the house in twenty minutes. C’mon, no one is even here, it’s your family’s store and you can leave when your manager is on his phone in the back office–”

Tom opened his mouth, but no words came out. His eyes shifted to you, past Harrison’s figure, watching as you flipped through another book on the same shelf; a hardcover version of The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Basic, but not a bad read. Tom thought.

“Who’s that?” Harrison asked, “She’s pretty.” He glanced over his shoulder, but you had no idea that the two boys were glaring as you concentrated on the text.

“No one.” Tom said in an annoyed tone, messily pushing his books and paper into his worn-out backpack.

The rosy pink tint of the apples of Tom’s cheeks made Harrison slowly smile, “Oh, Tommy. You’re squirming. Is she an ex? Hookup? Maybe TA?”

Tom sighed, “If we leave now, I’ll still help you with your sports management paper tonight.”

Harrison nodded, “Geez, she must be someone if you make that threat.”

You couldn’t help but lift your head at their commotion, watching Tom lead the way. Harrison trailing behind with his duffle strap on his shoulder and spinning the soccer ball in his hands, but your glances connected as they passed. Being the brother he is, Harrison announces, “He has a thing for you! Big ole crush! Do you have his number-”

Tom pushed on Harrison’s back hard, forceful enough to get him through the door. He wanted to avoid you noticing the bright tint red painted on the apples of his cheeks from the embarrassment he couldn’t escape.

Your heart was in your throat, a warmness spreading throughout your body from the attention. Half-smiling, you looked back down at the book in your shaking hands. While it wasn’t your first choice, this happening made you want to buy it to remember this moment.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

The feeling of falling shocked your nerves, jerking your head up to make sure you were still in your seat. You hadn’t noticed you fell into a catatonic state, blankly staring at your laptop with little to no brain function. The brightness of the small screen gleamed against your face, making you blink your eyes a few more times before hearing the multiple cracks break in your back.

This was being a university student. More specifically, an English major.

As much as you loved a hardcover book, money thought differently. Instead of flipping through thick pages with a smell that comforted you, those same texts flashed on whatever device you could afford it on. 

The biggest misconception of being an English major is that you like to read everything and anything. Completely wrong. You liked to read the books that were like a warm hug after a rainy, cold day or made you weep until mascara burned the corners of your eyes. 

The details you paid attention to within the novels you kept close are the reason you loved to read. But, classics and sonnets that you were forced to analyze to write papers about what they mean bored you mindlessly, wondering why picking English was even an option when it’s just reading a language you know.

You turned to your tall bookshelf, perfectly placed in the corner of the room, and books of various sizes overflowed it like a garden. Some rest on the top of it after you ran out of room on your shelves.

Each had their own story as to how they were placed on the old wooden ledges; buying them brand new from bookstores, finding worn-out classics from the thrift store or they were collecting dust in your parent’s attic. But, lately most had come from the Joel & Anne’s bookstore–you blamed Tom.

Just as you wanted to pick up The Picture of Dorian Gray, a notification popped up in the corner of your laptop’s screen. It was a brief email from your professor, granting an extension to the midterm paper due for those who requested it and you couldn’t have been more revealed.

Thank God, you thought.

The pace of your heart slowed down, the cracking of your spine as you straighten your back at your desk.

Falling on top of the fluffy comforter of your bed, your body’s muscles relaxed. The tension disappeared from your chest as your heavy eyes fluttered close. In and out of sleep, the buzz of your phone caused your head to quickly rise. Half-awake, you leaned up to grab it then plummet back into the soft sheets.

“Since there’s an extension for your paper, does that mean I’ll see you at the Delta Epsilon ABC party tomorrow?” Your best friend, Lillian, texted.

“ABC?” You typed with a furrow brow.

“Anything But Clothes.” She replied with a tongue emoji.

Reluctant, you wanted to say “no” and take the extended due date seriously, but from how stressed out the paper was making you, a party didn’t sound like a bad idea.

You sealed your lips while typing, but once you sent “What should I wear?”

After Lillian pitched a few last-minute ideas, you exited from your text messages then placed your phone on the bedside table. Rubbing your dry eyes, you get back up to turn off your lamp and other lights. 

As you stroll to the desk, you trace your finger over the trackpad of the laptop to exit from the email. Surprisingly, you forgot about the already-opened browser of the book you’ve been hunting down for your paper. You were so exhausted, you spaced out in those few minutes to probably forget about it.

Shakespearean plays were the subject of your paper, researching for hours on end about this ancient man’s entire collection and existence. His missing years, his creation of words we still use today, anything that pinpointed a significance in the English language was stored somewhere in the paper your fingers cramped to write for the past week.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

Tom downed the last Red Bull from his mini fridge, compressing the aluminum can in his hand then throwing it in trash. There it sat with the other empty cans and overflow of crumbled drafts.

He couldn’t remember the last time he blinked today yet his fingers were typing any of the words coming up in his head. The sixty bucks he was being paid for it was his only motivation to finish the last lines about the rise of the Roman Empire.

Shockingly, it wasn’t as difficult as told to him– but usually, it’s the people who don’t pay attention in their classes that find it hard and in their way. At least if he did it, there were rewards other than a high grade.

As Tom pressed tab to indent, he thought of how you smiled at him. He hoped it was him and not Harrison being cocky from what he said. He pondered what would happen if he stayed, walking back to you and saying that his attraction was true. But, Tom was more confident in his mind and he couldn’t actually imagine seeing you after how embarrassed he felt from Harrison’s announcement.

“Hey!” Harrison said as he knocked on Tom’s open door, expecting nothing but what he saw– Tom’s ass glued to his desk chair and the bright, white screen of his laptop staring back at him.

Tom turned his head, rolling his eyes at the blonde, blue-eyed devil, “Come here to make any of my other of my secrets known to the public?” He continued to jot down any last corrections on the paper he’d been working on for hours.

Harrison chuckled, jumping onto Tom’s bed, “It’s not like you were going to say anything to her if I didn’t, now she knows. ‘You’re welcome’ would be the correct answer, Mr. English smartass.” 

“See, you’re saying ‘you’re welcome’ when I didn’t ask for your help in the first place. She’s just a girl that comes to the store a lot and I just…” Tom shrugged, tossing his pen down, “I happen to notice her.”

“Happen to notice?” Harrison scoffed. “Dude, you were staring at her so hard at her that I thought your eyes were going to pop out. Blink once in a while so if this girl does notice, she doesn’t think you’re creepy.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “She’s not some girl, her name is Y/N.”

Fuck. Tom thought, now realizing how much he corrected Harrison out of habit.

Harrison instantly smirked, “So, you know her name too? What else are you hiding so I can brief her in on it… but more subtle this time.”

“H, why are you in my room at one in the morning?” Tom asked with furrowed his brows.

“You’re going to the ABC party, right? You’ll be there, participating for once, and having fun. Maybe getting high or laid will loosen you up. ”

“I can’t, I have these papers to finish for the guys who will be partying downstairs all night and if I’m lucky, I can get paid double if I ask them for their fee while they’re drunk.” Tom smirked.

“C’mon. One party! It’s a few hours out of the whole semester… Before you have to go back home for the holidays and do nothing but watch Christmas movies and read books for pleasure.” 

Tom replied with silence.

“Maybe you could invite Y/N. It could be a nice romantic gesture that your books talk about, right?”

“So, invite her to a party where everyone is wearing anything but clothes and shit-faced within the first hour.” Tom took a pregnant pause, “Yeah, I’ll pass on that.”

Harrison knew not to pry anymore, not planning to give Tom shit for wanting to do well in school. Unlike most of the trust-fund raised kids, Tom paid his dues from paycheck to paycheck. Maintaining high grades wasn’t only for his pride, but his academic scholarship that discounted his tuition. 

He admired Tom for his natural work ethic despite it interfered with his social life. Luckily the other brothers saw Tom as an asset, but it was for their own selfish reasons. Harrison was a month younger than Tom, but still felt protective of him as if he were an older brother.

“Okay, well. I have a ‘Beware of Dog’ sign if you want to use it as shorts tonight.” Harrison winked before leaving to his room.

Tom chuckled, but his smile slowly turned into a frown. The desperate need to earn cash for his two semesters’ tuition consumed him the past four months, realizing that this term was practically done and he had done nothing else but work.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

You could say that having caution tape wrapped around your body was ironically hazardous. The plastic was constricting, too afraid to bend over or you may fall and never get back up. While it was cute in thought, you looked in the mirror from head to toe and knew this could end in disaster. 

With too many intrusive thoughts, you were about to change back into your grey sweatpants and grab an oversized shirt from the dryer. But, just as you took a last glance at your reflection, Lillian came right through the front door and sported a dress made out of bright green and white condom wrappers fastened together with tape and safety pins. 

It was totally Lillian.

You furrowed your eyebrow, “Did you walk all the way here wearing that?” 

But she ignored your comment from the stun of seeing you actually wearing a costume.

Lillian gasped, “You look hot! That caution tape was a good call.”

“I feel like this tape is going to fall off at any second.” You groaned, grabbing your college t-shirt from the basket on top of the dryer, but Lillian held your wrist.

“What are you doing?” She retorted. 

You sighed, “Changing into something that lets me breathe and walk.”

“Oh, don’t be a party pooper. It’s only a few hours.” She said as she walked to the mirror, fixing her strawberry-blonde waves. She pushed them from the front of her body then behind her shoulders, wondering if the prominence of her collarbones made a difference.

“A few hours of guys asking me what’s underneath this caution tape.” You mumbled under my breath, and she moved you in front of the mirror.

“Y/N, I made a promise to you at the beginning of the semester to make sure you have an amazing last year of college… and I always keep my promises.” She said, her head resting on your shoulder as the two of you glanced at your absurd outfits  in the mirror, “And you look too good to not go out...”

You chuckled, “Are you pouting?”

“Depends, does it guilt trip you want to go to the party more?” Lillian jeered, giving you a light squeeze around your waist.

You scrunch your nose, “Only a little.”

The two of you pre-gamed with a fruity, alcoholic seltzer, which barely gave any buzz, then ventured downstairs to the Uber waiting in front of your apartment building.

As Lillian snapped photos of herself from the lighting of the warm streetlights passing by, you noticed Joel & Ann’s bookstore in the darkness. It made you think of what Tom might have been doing tonight, wondering what his life was like outside the store.

You blushed thinking back at the fond moment of his friend shouting he liked you, keeping your head up for most of the day. As harmless as it was, it lingered in your mind and turned into scenarios of how you would enlighten that comment. 

Would you make the first move? or has he already and you didn’t notice? Overthinking didn’t help, but you needed to come up with something good to respond to it whenever you’d see him again.

Once you arrive on Fraternity Row, the Delta Epsilon house was anything but quiet. Everyone was following the rules of the party, wearing anything but clothes in different and creative ways.

A brunette passing by wore a makeshift dress, the sparkling Christmas wrap tailored with tape to fit around her slim body. Another guy wore paper-mache shorts made from Superman comic book pages— even a couple of girls sporting the same outfit idea as Lillian which didn’t make her happy.

You hold back a laugh, “Well, at least your wrappers are green. Hers are purple… and Trojan.” 

“Ugh, now I’m gonna blend in.” She pouted her glossed lips, “C’mon, let’s go see where the drinks are.”

The music played loud enough that you could feel the bass vibrating your teeth. Lillian hooked your arm around hers as she pulled you toward the bar set up in the corner of the dim lit room.

Everyone managed to commit to the theme of tonight, impressed by the sustainability people reached like wearing a dress made of streamers with your university’s colors or pants made out of cardboard beer boxes. The surprises and creativity seemed limitless tonight, but there was no one who caught your attention.

“Are you looking for someone?” Lillian asked as she poured brown liquor into her plastic cup, spilling a bit on the counter when she shifted the pour into your cup on the counter.

“Kind of.” You mumbled, “You know that guy at the bookstore that I talk about? Tom?”

Lillian giggled, “Oh. The guy you practically stalk.”

“I don’t stalk him.”

“Yeah, right. You’ve just never spoken to him other than giving him money for a book and your literature small talk.” She joked, but it sort of hit a nerve. You almost wanted to prove to her that you could talk to him, you were just nervous as to what to say past your total amount and tax.

“Okay, but you don’t have to put it that way.” You pouted, but she handed you a drink.

“Well, you can forget about bookstore boy, and we can have a little fun tonight. Cheers!” She diverted your attention to your cups, pushing them together before she took a long sip.

You watched her, but didn’t drink with her. Instead your eyes shifted around the excited crowd, but no luck in finding your crush with brown curls and shiny brown eyes to match. You twisted your lips and took a small sip of your bitter beverage, squeezing your eyes shut as it burned the inside of your throat.

“What is that?” You hissed.

“I don’t know, but it gets you loose.” Lillian jokes, hugging you quickly before she pulled you to where everyone was dancing… or what could be described as dancing. It was more like drunken movement between strangers while flashed by neon colors in sequences. 

Trying to dance with Lillian in a restraint costume didn’t help until there were two taps on your shoulder. You quickly turned around, acquainted with Tom’s blonde friend— just dressed in shorts made out of the big cloth from Twister.

“Hey! You’re the cute girl from the bookshop, right?” Harrison chuckled.

“Yeah! And you’re the best friend of the cute guy at the bookstore?” You confidently said, raising your eyebrows.

Harrison shared the same expression, “Cute?” He smirked, “I bet he’d love to hear that if he were down here… Hey, why don’t you do him a favor and try to get him down here to have fun.”

“Why? Where is he?” You asked over the music.

“Upstairs in his room, working on his papers… C’mon, I bet he’d be happy to see you.”

Harrison winked at you before turning back to the girl he was dancing with, tipping his head back to down his beer. When searching for Lillan, you saw her dance with some of your shared friends by the unlit fireplace. 

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

With the door cracked open, Tom listened to the muffled music below as well as the occasional conversation passing by to find an empty room. The bright light from the lamp on his desk shined against his paper. Although you remained silent, Tom took a quick sip of his to-go coffee and blinked his tired, dry eyes a few times. 

After two light knocks, Tom assumed it was Harrison, once again, asking him to come downstairs, but instead his heart shot up to his throat when he saw you standing in his doorframe. He was even more surprised seeing caution tape wrapped around your body like a tacky, shiny dress.

“Hey! Hey, nice to see you… especially with your new look.” Tom jeered.

You giggled, “I could say the same, never really see the bottom half of you.”

The two of you shared a warm laugh before Tom shyly asked, “What- What are you doing here?” 

“My friend sort of invited me at the last second, then your friend told me that I should come up here and try to urge you to come downstairs… possibly in a costume.” You trailed.

Tom licked his lips, “I appreciate it, but I’m working on some papers tonight. I want to get them done before tomorrow morning”

“A few papers over a party in your own fraternity?”

He hummed, “Well, papers I write for ten dollars a page. Paid in cash or credit… usually.” Tom smirked, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

“Do I even want to know the other options?” You joked, slowly walking further into the room.

His blush was hard for him to hide, so he lowered his head down to hide the rosiness on his cheeks when he stood up to stretch. As Tom reached his arms over his head, the end of his shirt lifted a bit and you could see his v-line that disappeared past the band of his Calvin Klein boxers. 

Making you blush in return, you rub the back of your neck and look at some of the posters lazily taped on his dull, baby blue-colored walls. Shockingly, not one model from Playboy or Sports Illustrated was staring back at you in a tiny string bikini, rather there were posters of his favorite bands, a few classical authors by his bookcase and distressed movie posters of The Empire Strikes Back and Jaws above his full bed.

“Sorry, it’s kind of a mess.” Tom tossed a few t-shirts on his bed in his hamper by the door.

He said that, but it was probably the cleanest guy’s room you ever saw. Besides the clothes scattered around, the bed was made and his desk was fairly organized. There was even a trash can–with a trash bag to line it.

“Mess? I wish my room looked like this half the time.” You jeered, walking over to his bookcase, “A bookcase says a lot about someone to me.”

Tom chuckled, leaning on his desk, “And what does mine tell you?”

You awkwardly sat down on the end of his bed, trying to cross your leg over the other. You tried not to show that the plastic coiled around your body was uncomfortable, but one wrong move and you thought that you may expose yourself to Tom at any second.

“You okay?” He asked, “I don’t want to assume, but you look very tense.”

“Wow, it’s that noticeable.” You joked back, Tom chuckling in return. “Yeah, it wasn’t my idea to come tonight so, I got stuck wearing this.” You added, running your hand over the material.

He could see the pout on your face, maybe even a bit of embarrassment, so he suggested, “Do you want to change? I can give you something to wear. Not as much plastic, but more comfortable.” He joked.

Your face heated as you stood up, watching him pull clothes from his drawers. He grabbed a dark-blue Tottenham sweatshirt with a faded logo and baggy, gray sweatpants with your university logo embroidered by the hip.

“Here, hope these are okay.”

“Trust me, anything but this dress is fine.” You grinned, taking them from him. Your hand grazed his, making him gulp as you pulled the clothes to you, “Do you mind if I change in here?”

Tom raised his eyebrows, not realizing he wasn’t responding until he nodded, “Yeah! Yeah, I can just turn around.” He reassured, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes searched around his room, trying to fixate on any small object.

Like the vinyl player in the corner on top of the rack, something he bought out of being impulsive. At the time, his dad had given him some old records that he had found in the attic from spring cleaning, music that was popular when he was Tom’s age. Tom stopped listening to them after–

“Well, I certainly look the part of being a frat dude.” You jeered, turning for him.

“I think you look pretty...”

Way to sound creepy, Tom thought.

“Pretty nice!” He quickly added, trying to save himself from embarrassment.

You smiled at his shy compliment before glancing at the papers scattered around his desk, “So, what are you working on?”

“Uh, themes in Frankenstein. It’s actually my final paper.”

You arched your eyebrow, but admired how he had three different drafts and all of them were marked in red. As you leaned further down to read, Tom quickly shuffled the papers, “It’s not really my best. I’ve been through every book talking about Mary Shelley and her reason for this book... It’s pretty scandalous if you ask me.”

God. He was so dorky, it almost made him charming.

Just as you were going to say your joking comment, the music got louder downstairs and you two could feel the heavy vibration of the bass through the carpet.

“Is your paper the only reason you’re up here by yourself?”

“Well, technically you’re up here with me so, am I really by myself?” Tom shrugged.

You chuckled, “Don’t deflect.”

Tom licked his lips, letting out a long sigh, “I just need enough cash to cover tuitions, and saving up for grad school too. My family has gotten tied up in money and my friend, Harrison, said that he could help me be in a frat and I could make more connections. So, I’m not really here to have fun, more like just doing what I can to make some money and add to my resume.” 

“I know we just met, but… Can I give you some advice?” You sighed.

He naively nodded, his eyes turning glassy.

“You need to have some fun while you’re still in college.” You giggled, not meaning to sound mean, but you didn’t have to touch Tom to know he was a tense guy.

Tom responded with a nervous chuckle, “I’ve had… fun. I have fun. This party theme just isn’t really for me.” He protested.

“Well, I can’t disagree with you there.” You grinned, glancing at your now-cozy outfit, “Then what do you want to do tonight? What’s your fun thing?... other than reading the Mary Shelley scandal.”

His eyes searched around the room, then hummed, “It would be nice to have some peace and quiet… maybe work on my papers–”

You interpreted, “Okay, no, no. You’re not working on any papers, it’s about having fun. So, let’s go somewhere you think is fun.”

He smirked which made you think that he had a good idea, rather he said, “We can go to the bookstore.”

Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea.

You leaned against his desk, “Really? How?”

“My aunt and uncle own it.” He smirked.

“Ah. So, you’re like a bookstore nepotism baby. How lucky.” You grinned, cringing at your own jokes on the inside. But, it’s not like flirting was either of your fortes.

“Some kids get into movie premieres and have luxury cars, I have books and the cat that hangs in the front window until he goes back to his owners across the street.” 

“I always wondered if that was your guys’ cat.” You smiled.

Tom nodded, “His name is Milo and he loves eating our plants and sleeping on the classic novels.” 

You shared another light laugh before you said, “What are we waiting for? Get your jacket on.”

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

Once you took a step outside the house, the night breeze felt cool against your sweaty skin. The fresh air was a relief to your lungs once you walked out of the humid-filled frat house, like you had forgotten how clean it could smell outside. 

Although the bookstore was a few blocks away from campus, Tom made you comfortable as he made you. Both of you weren’t sure if there were feelings, but there could be since your interaction isn’t ending with you leaving him behind a counter.

Tall street lights guided the way, and the only people passing were stumbling from the few bars lining your college town. There was little small talk between you two on the way, but Tom stopped in front of a convenience store, one he frequently went to if he wanted something to snack on during his shifts.

He walked toward the door, opening it, “You want anything?” He asked.

You nodded, walking in as he held the door open. The two of you walked into the small store with white walls and bright lighting over all the aisles. He walked around the chips and candy, heading to the big freezer with the familiar ice cream brands around the case.

The two of you gazed over it, smiling at the variety of choices like two kids. You couldn’t remember the last time you picked from the freezer– probably before you were even given an allowance. You were seeing another side of Tom, one that was a bit goofy when the stress faded from his character.

“Which one do you want?... I think I’m gonna get a cookie sandwich.” He hummed.

“No way. The strawberry shortcakes with the oats? Or the gelatos? Way better options.” You giggled.

He chuckled at your wit, “Okay, you pick for me. I pick for you. Does that sound fair?”

“Hmm…” You smirked, sticking your hand out, “Deal.”

Tom smiled as he shook yours, both your fingers trailing when you pushed open the glass case.

“Okay. Turn around…” You said, circling your finger to signal him to face back.

The curly brunette rolled his eyes with a small smile on his face, taking a slow turn around with his arms crossed. He stared at the rack of colorful packed snacks, reading the brands and flavors.

You grunted as you shoved the sliding window, then grabbed an ice cream bar of your choice. Putting it behind your back, you tell him, “Okay, your turn.”

Tom smiled to himself, seeing you try to conceal your ice cream bar under the hoodie as you headed toward the counter. He could hear your exchange with the cashier before Tom grabbed an ice cream bar out of the freezer, quickly closing it and hiding his pick behind his back.

“I hope you got me something good.” You teased, facing him and your hands behind your back holding the plastic convenience bag..

He sweetly chuckled again, “I think I did okay… I think you should be worried.”

“Ah, are you hard to please, Tom?” You continued to jeer with him.

All he could do was turn pink, chuckling out of embarrassment like an elementary boy in school. There was a glimmer in his brown eyes and you weren’t sure if it was from the bright lights in the store, but it made your heart pang at how innocent and sweet he appeared.

The two of you walked outside, sitting on the bench under the awning of the convenient store. There was a space between you as the bags crinkled when both of you reached into them. Counting down, you pulled out your ice cream bars for one another and it left you both with smiles and light laughter.

“Great minds think alike.” Tom grinned.

Both of you held the same ice cream bar, still exchanging the treats and opening them. As you ate on the bench, there was silence– but it was comforting silence. Better than surround sound music and drinks being spilled everywhere, preferring the sound of crickets and watching some stray cats walk by the alleys.

You tried to prevent any drops of ice cream getting on the hoodie he let you borrow, leaning out as you bit down and it made him chuckle.

“It’s okay. It’s an old hoodie.”

“Yeah, but, I don’t want to be a slob.” You grinned, trying to ignore how nervous you felt.

“Here, I got it.” He said, leaning over to wipe your chin with a napkin.

You glanced into his eyes again as he came close, holding your breath.

“There, now you are a presentable member of society again.” He jeered, putting the napkin in his wrapper before tossing it in the bin next to the bench.

The two of you stand up together, pulling and adjusting your clothes before continuing the venture to the bookstore. Street lights shined down on the red brick sidewalk, and a few cars passed by as they headed toward the center of town as you both walked further out from the noise of the bars and partying. 

Chirping from the crickets was peaceful and the rest of the way was lit by the full moon, making you glance at the glowing orb high above the clouds and surrounded by the stars. The shine reflected off your eyes, smiling at the breathtaking sight but unknowing to you, Tom was glaring at you.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” You asked.

“Yeah.” He trailed, not taking his eyes off you as he shyly grinned.

Tom wished he had spoken to you sooner, not knowing how to express right then and there how he had some sort of feelings for you. 

You turned back to him, “Are you okay?”

Embarrassed, he quickly nodded, “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Great.”

You grinned back at him, “Good.” you said before the two of you continued to walk to the bookstore.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

The soft warm glow shined on Tom’s back as his keys jingled when he unlocked the front door.

“You got it?” You ask him, watching him turn the key both ways until there was a click.

“Yeah, it’s pretty old so-” 

Tom pushed enough of his weight with his shoulder against the door, opening the seal the door created from how cold it was outside. He half-smiled before walking into the dark room and you followed close behind him.

With how many times you’d been in this store, you could bet Tom that you knew the layout better than him. You carefully stepped around the racks of books, leading to the counter before you heard a loud thump.

“Ow!” Tom hissed under his breath, instantly rubbing his knee from cutting the corner too hard.

“Are you okay?” You giggled.

“Lovely.” He groaned, rubbing away against his soon-to-be bruised skin.

He turned on the reading lamp on the counter, the warm glow against his freckled skin. You noticed how he was able to smile with his eyes, the crinkling next to them when he laughed or smiled. Although you didn’t mean to observe that, it was hard to not notice. He radiated some kind of shine in the way he carried himself– at least from what you gathered.

“So, I’m sure you have some weird stuff behind here, huh?” You teased him, squatting down to look at the shelves.

“Nothing weird, but I hoard books… without telling anyone.” He admitted in a low tone, scratching the nape of his neck.

There was a collection of books down here filling up two rows, most of them had bright tabs on the sides to indicate some annotations between pages. The books ranged from recent autobiographies and novels to ones with broken spines and the names of classic writers on the covers.

You came back up, “I think you have a problem.” You jeered, smiling at him.

“As if being interested in literature is a problem.” 

“...Touché.” You nodded, “Do you like working here?”

“Yeah. I guess.” He trailed, “It kills time, it’s quiet.”

“As opposed to going home?” You asked out of curiosity. He was sort of like a guessing game. One clue led to another, intriguing you as you went down this mystery path of a person.

“Uh, I don’t… I don’t go home anymore.” He nervously chuckled, “Haven’t been for a while.”

Heat burned his cheeks and neck, not realizing he was venting in the moment.

“Sorry to hear that.” You gently replied and sensed his discomfort as he looked down.

Tom hummed, “It’s alright. I feel less lonely here.” He shrugged, picking at his fingernails before looking into your eyes.

“Well, now you have me so… it’s a little less lonely than that.” You smiled, scrunching your nose. “...and that may have been the corniest thing I’ve said ever.”

“Yeah, just a little.” Tom nodded, and a sweet chuckle followed, “But, thanks.”

He had a bit of a twinkle in his caramel-toned eyes, and his jaw was incredibly sharp. When he looked away, he’d clench his jaw and you noticed how tense he seemed.

Tom smiled, blushing a bit before he pushed the book on top of the counter toward him. It was an old copy of Pride and Prejudice that he found on a top shelf a few weeks ago. He re-read it three times, and each time felt like a different experience. He rarely annotated, but Tom genuinely loved reading this book and wanted to write down any thought he had about it.

“A favorite?” You asked him.

“Can you tell?” He chuckled, passing it to you.

You skimmed the pages, running your fingers over the different colored post-its sticking out. His handwriting was a bit small, but you could make out what he noted and you found it incredibly cute. You smiled to yourself as you read through them, and Tom hoped there was nothing embarrassing in there– not that there would be but he was already nervous around you.

Just as you got to the last page, a picture fell out and you turned it over to its front. The frame was cardboard with the Disney logo on it and the picture was of Tom and his parents. Sporting a Mickey Mouse baseball cap, he showed a huge smile and held a melting ice cream. His mom and dad were smiling too, his mom with her arm around his small structure and Tom gulped.

“Are these your parents?” You asked.

“Yeah, I was wondering where I left that picture.” He smiled, taking it from you.

You watched him grin at it, but the smile slowly faded the longer he glanced. It didn’t seem so much reminiscing, but feeling more sad. He didn’t want to get down on himself, but he put the picture underneath the counter.

“It’s cute. My parents never took me to those kinds of places growing up, but I was never the Disney princess lover either.” You pouted. 

He chuckled, “What? You didn’t want a Disney prince? Something like Prince Eric?”

You hummed, “You do resemble a bit of Prince Phillip.”

Tom furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms, “The boring one?”

“Okay, okay. Maybe Prince Charming… you look like you can treat a girl to a dance,” you teased.

“The one time I slow danced was at my prom in year 13 and I remember stepping on her feet most of the night.” He told, trying to deflect your compliment

You rolled your eyes, “Oh, please. Now you’re being dramatic like a prince.” You grinned at him. 

Hesitantly, you moved your hand toward his face and pushed back the curls laying on his forehead. Your fingers carded to the back of his head, feeling his soft coarse hair and his brown eyes sparkled. It was a bold first move, but you wanted to know if this intense crush was too good to be true.

All this passes through Tom’s head is “do it”, his instincts scream. Kiss her.

You brought your hand back to his cheek, and you brushed your thumb over his bottom lip before leaning in to kiss him. Tom slowly moved his hands up your sides, pulling you closer to him as the two of you continued to makeout. He lightly pushed you against the counter, your bodies pressed together as he tasted your cherry-flavored lip balm.

With your foreheads against one anothers, Tom pulled away to take a breath, but it caused you both to let out this warm giggle. Just as you were about to kiss again, there was a sudden knock on the door along with the doorknob jiggling.

You quickly ducked under the counter while Tom stood there, trying to fix his hair as well as rub the lip balm off his mouth. He saw his uncle walk through the door, turning on the lights and Tom’s embarrassment flooded his body.

“I thought we were getting robbed. The silent alarm went off a few minutes ago.” His uncle told him, pretty light-hearted once he saw it was Tom.

“No, it was just me.” Tom gulped, glancing down at you hiding under the counter.

“Good, good. Why are you here so late? Your mom told me you had some party tonight.” His uncle trailed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“It was getting… loud and I just left to get some air. Work on some papers.”

You could audibly hear his uncle sigh, then say, “Is this because of… the divorce?”

Tom sealed his lips, it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about right now– especially since you were unknowingly in the room. Although divorce was a common thing, it was different going through when you’re already grown up and that was Tom’s struggle. He knew his parents had underlying issues, but he didn’t think he would get sat down and told his parents would separate their lives then and now.

“I know, it’s hard. But, you have to talk to someone about this. We don’t want you… hiding away, missing out on opportu-”

“I’m not, I just… wanted to be alone.” Tom shrugged, trying to grin and bear it.

His uncle didn’t want to get more into it since Tom was still going through it, but he nodded.

“Alright, make sure to lock up when you’re done. See you tomorrow, kid.” He sweetly said before he walked back out, the bell above the door ringing. Tom was only left with a bright red face, and a sudden racing in his heart. It’s like he realized how lonely he had made himself to be rather than people avoiding him altogether. 

Coming from under the counter, you dusted off your shirt at first. You didn’t want to immediately face Tom, sensing there was a bit of awkwardness created. He rubbed the back of his curls, but you finally broke the silence.

“Sorry, my lip balm kind of… got all over your lips.” You joked, taking your thumb to wipe the smudge of gloss from his chin.

Tom smiled, but nodded, “Well, I’m more sorry you had to hear that, but it’s no big deal. I don’t know why my family has so many issues.”

“I think they’re just genuinely worried about you. I mean, you don’t seem much of the talking type.” You confessed.

“It’s ironic. They don’t ask about any of this stuff until I just don’t say anything at all. Maybe, I just want to be left alone and be able to think about how the only two stable people in my life just choose to not be with each other anymore.” He trailed, trying to humor himself.

You could tell he’d been hurt by people before, but this was something he was expecting. It was still shocking, but he chose to close everyone off. 

Tom thought if he didn’t have to talk about these feelings, they’d go away. But, by telling you, basically a complete stranger, how he felt— his hurt was more on the surface than he thought.

“Well, you don't deserve to feel this way.” You told him with honesty, rubbing his tense shoulder, “If I can promise you one thing.”

There was a bit of comfort in that. At least someone acknowledging his feelings over their own.

“Thanks.” He grinned.

“Please, you’re one cigarette away from being Holden Caulfield. I felt like I needed to step in now… because he was the worst.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “He witnessed worse.”

“Well, luckily he’s a fictional character. Meanwhile, you need to worry about how you feel, and not be so… scared of thinking the world is going to get you.” You trailed, running your hand from your shoulder to the back of his curls.  

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*

A week and a half breezed by and all you did was hang out with Tom at the bookstore, the library, or his room at his fraternity house. Occasionally, Harrison would pop in, trying to tease him, but also try to get to know you since Tom cared about you. It was actually a bit cute the way Harrison would pinch at Tom’s cheek, trying to make him flustered in your presence. You could tell he cared about him too.

Once your finals were finished and Tom was paid for his essays, it was nice to hang around the bookstore without the added tension. You could hang out for hours and read books in the cozy corner of the store, near the cat by the window and the sunlight would kiss against your skin. Sometimes Tom would get lost in the mesmerizing scene–like being with you meant more than fate. Something like he read in novels.

The sun was starting to set when the two of you entered the pizzeria where Harrison worked. Both of you nodded your heads over at him behind the counter before finding a booth by the window.

“Look at him in his cute apron.” You teased, sliding into the booth.

“Trust me, he thinks it’s a magnet for girls. I wouldn’t let him know.” Tom chuckled.

Although you and Tom were having a fun time, you hadn’t talked about the kiss you shared. Not that it wasn’t on both your minds, but felt better left unsaid than having to figure out what’s going on between you two and ruining this blossoming friendship. It already took long enough to talk to each other outside the bookstore, neither of you wanted to taint that.

“So, do you have any plans for the weekend?” You asked him.

Before Tom could answer, Harrison slid next to him already sporting a cheeky smile and wiped some flour on Tom’s cheek from his apron.

“What are you two gossiping about, huh? Or just miss me?” Harrison winked at you, but Tom wiped the flour off his face.

“We just wanted to grab a slice.” Tom cheeks tinted pink, feeling as if he’s being embarrassed by his dad.

“Calm down, Tommy.” Harrison smiled, “You’re too easy to mess with sometimes.” Harrison jokingly retorted.

You giggled, “Don’t worry, I’m gonna go and order.” You tell them before getting up, heading to the counter.

The two boys watched you walk up to the counter, beaming at the cashier as you made small talk before ordering. Tom’s look glistened, sparkling when he kept his eyes on you and Harrison snickered at his doe-like gaze.

“So, you guys made out and nothing happened?” 

It was no lie that Tom regretted venting Harrison–moments like this reminded him of that.

Tom gulped, “I think what’s going on is fine.” He lied.

“Fine?” Harrison asked, “You’ve been crushing on her for weeks and she obviously likes you too.”

“You can’t know that.” Tom trailed.

“She’s been to the bookstore everyday to hang out with you, going out to dinner, spending time at the house and you know no girl likes hanging out there, look at the bathroom for God’s sake, it’s disgusting. No woman willingly stays there unless she’s basically in love.” Harrison explained.

Tom nodded in disagreement, “I don’t think she… likes me. I’m not gonna mess up just talking to her.”

“You’re not. You just need to figure out how to make the right move.” Harrison stated before quickly asking, “Hey, you got invited to Steven’s wedding, right?”

Steven was one of the alumni of the frat house and a close friend of both the guys. Tom was a “baby-faced” freshman when they met and was still teased to this day for looking so young.

“Yeah. I did, but I don’t know if I’m going. It’s kind of far.” Tom trailed, scratching his nail against the table.

Harrison smiled, “No, you should go and Y/N is your plus one. Bam, matchmaking.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “Yeah because a two hour car trip would really make me less awkward and weird.”

“You need to be a little hopeful. It’s not like your strangers anymore. You guys hang out at the store for hours with no problems. C’mon, she’d love it. It’s a nice countryside wedding and lots of our friends will be there so it’s not like you’ll be the odd one out. Introduce her, and maybe find some romantic spot to makeout, huh?”

Tom thought Harrison was a bit in over his head, but trying to make him see the other side of his pessimistic thoughts. Tom liked you, you like Tom. The problem was finding the moment to say that outlook to each other.

He twisted his lips, “How do I even ask that?”

“You’ll know how to say it when the moment comes… which seems like right now.” Harrison smirked.

As you walked back with a table timer in your hand, already wanting it to vibrate with your order since you were starving. You slipped into the booth, noticing both boys getting quiet which made you giggle.

“Am I interrupting something private?” You teased them.

“Actually, we were talking about a wedding we’re going to next weekend.” Harrison immediately said.

Tom wanted to sink into his seat.

“A wedding? Aw, that’s nice.” You smiled, “Who’s wedding?”

“Our friend, Steven, is getting married and I think Tom wanted to ask you something…” Harrison insisted.

Tom’s eyes widened, but Harrison quickly said, “I gotta get back to work. I’ll bring your food right out.” He flashed a cheery smile, something Tom wanted to slap off his face if he could, before leaving you two to talk– more like Tom improving what to say.

The feeling could be compared to dropping a baby into the deep end, trying to teach them how to swim and all Tom could do is internally panic.

You thanked Harrison before facing toward Tom’s pink-tinted face, and you tilted your head with a cheeky smile, “Something to ask me?”

He sighed but nervously smiled, “Not to impose, but… I was wondering if you wanted to… go with me? To the wedding. I know it’s last minute and all, but I would really like you to go… with me.”

You giggled at his shy question, “I’d love to go with you, Tom. It sounds like fun.”

There was a relief in the air for Tom, not thinking you would accept so quickly and with an assuring smile.

“ Really?” He still asked.

“I don’t know why you assume the worst of me. Maybe being your wedding date will change that. Weddings always give people a bit of optimism” You chuckled, tilting your head at his shy expression.

A light chuckle left his lips, “Remember, optimism isn’t my thing. Then our personality equal us out.” He joked.

“Exactly why I’m the perfect wedding date. I make the conversations and you hold your drink and nod. It’ll be adorable.” You grinned back as heat radiated from your cheeks.

Tom can’t hold back his smile once you look out the window. His eyes traced your jaw then up your perfect cheekbones, trailing to your eyes as the streetlight reflected off the irises. He feels that moment again where he could confess everything he felt for you right there in front of everyone at the pizza place, a small amount of courage whispering in his ear to do it. Just to say it out loud.

“Here’s your complimentary garlic bread, love birds.” Harrison interrupted as he placed the plastic basket on the center of the table.

“Thank you for your incredible service.” You jeered at the cheeky blonde.

Tom laughed off his sudden thought, nodding at Harrison before you two started talking about the wedding plan since you were going now. The rest of the night was hanging out and eating together, talking about the future with classic rock playing over the old speakers in the restaurant.

There was a coziness that radiated the more you were vulnerable, even showing through being more relaxed while sitting in the booths. You felt like you could tell him anything and for once not have to think twice about what you revealed or said. No one could compare to Tom and you wish you could tell him that. 

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

A breeze brushed past your face as you waited outside your apartment with your bags. You were sat on the front step, waiting for the two boys to pick you up on this nice summer day. Tempted to text them for a time of arrival, the door opened behind you and you glanced up to see Lillian.

“I went through the back only for your roommates to tell me you’re already waiting outside. I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.” She jeered as she sat next to you on the stoop.

You sighed, “Sorry, I’ve been hanging out with Tom.”

She chuckled, “Of course. I’m not surprised. It’s been this way ever since you ditched me at the party-”

“I didn’t mean to di-”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Lillian giggled, putting her hand on top of your knee, “I know you really like him.”

“I don’t… like him that much.”

“I can’t remember the last time someone could actually get your attention away from books or studying so, I like to call it fate that you met at the party.” She teased and scrunched her nose.

You rolled her eyes before turning your head, seeing the car come down the street and you quickly stand up. As you brush off the back of your pants, Lillian picks up one of your bags and the two of you slowly walk up to the curb. Once the car stopped, the two boys got out and Tom immediately greets you with his pearly smile.

“Hey Tom, Harrison,  this is my friend, Lillian.” You introduced them, gesturing your head.

“Hey there.” She greeted both of them, moving her hair behind her shoulders, “Don’t let anything happen to her.”

“We promise.” Tom grinned, lowly chuckling before he took your bag she gave to him.

After giving a goodbye hug Lillian, you slid into the backseat of the car. You sat on the left side so you could sit diagonally from Tom’s view, already creating terribly awkward scenarios in your head for what this two hour drive may be like.

What if we don’t talk at all? What if I’m in over my head? What if this isn’t real or what I thought? What if this whole trip was going to be a big mistake?

Tom was pondering the same, but he tried his best not to doubt his own feelings. Especially after the, what Harrison would call, pep talk he gave him on the way to your building. Nevertheless, it made Tom especially when he already knew he was being incredibly shy, but knew Harrison meant well.

“Alright so, I found out Cami Bernet was coming and I wanted to stay in her room so… It’s just the two of you sharing the hotel room, yeah?” Harrison announced, making you and Tom share a sudden glance.

“I don’t mind…” You trailed, your eyes shifting.

“Yeah, no problem.” Tom quickly added.

Harrison smiled at your reactions, “Don’t worry, there’s one bed and a pull out couch.”

Tom’s face beamed a light pink, making him turn his head toward the window. But, you did the same by turning your face to see the street passing by as you were leaving town. Harrison couldn’t help but smirk to himself at how antagonizing he could be yet trying to be a perfect matchmaker.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

Toward the end of the drive, you laid down in the backseat wearing the cozy hoodie Tom stuffed in his backpack. With your head sunk into your pillow and your legs curled up, you looked as comfortable as someone could on a road trip. A few times, Tom glanced over his shoulder to make sure you were okay when there was a sudden bump in the road, but you also looked cute nuzzling your face into your pillow. 

Once you arrived to the hotel, you stirred in your daze as Harrison pulled in front of the huge front doors. Two valets walked up to the car, one on Harrison’s side then another by the trunk. As Tom got out, he quickly opened the back door and lightly shook your leg.

“Hey Y/N, we’re here.” He softly spoke, giving his hand for you to hold.

You blinked a few times, but lazily smiled as you wrapped your hand around his and pulled yourself up from the comfortable position you lied in. You pulled down your hoodie when you got out of the car, grabbing your bag on the floor while watching the valets take the rest of them to put on a luggage cart.

“Jesus, Tom. What’s in this?” Harrison asked as he gave Tom his duffle.

“A few books, some shoes…” He trailed.

“You brought books to a vacation wedding? How adorable.” Harrison teased him as he gave the valet his keys before entering the hotel doors.

You giggled, “What literary fix did you bring on a two day trip? Romantic novels, I bet.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s just my genre.” Tom chuckled, his eyebrows raised at his comment.

The entrance to the hotel was grand, to say the least. There were two large, revolving glass doors trimmed with gold that entered into the main lobby with renaissance art against the woven wallpaper. Both your heads tilted up toward the ceiling, admiring the pale murals along the lavish lights.

You could only hope to get married at such a beautiful place in the future, and you were pretty optimistic that you would find someone for that to happen.

Harrison faced the two of you walking toward him, noticing the way you glared at Tom and your eyes looking so bright. Although he was still looking at the scenery, your eyes were just on him. It made Harrison smirk, but turn back to the hotel front desk manager.

“Thanks.” Harrison grinned, taking the key card. He turned to Tom, “Here’s your key. Don’t be too loud and rowdy. This is a classy place.” He teased, seeing Tom already turn a tomato red.

You snickered, “Thanks, Harrison. You guys planned doing anything?”

Harrison nodded, “I’m meeting Cami by the pool then we’re gonna go back to her room before the rehearsal dinner. What about you guys?”

“I actually saw on their website that there’s a historical library on the second floor, a bunch of old collections.” You turned, “Tom? Interested?” You asked him with a beaming smile across your face.

Tom glanced at Harrison, who also was smiling, then back at you, “Yeah, of course. Sounds fun.”

“Wow, you guys really know how to get out of your comfort zone. Have fun with that.” Harrison, obviously sarcastic, stated before leaving to meet Cami.

Quickly, the two of you took the large, carpeted staircase on the second floor and followed the signs that directed toward the library. It wasn’t as fancy as the hotel, but it did look pretty old from the traditional style of the room.

You looked up at the high ceiling before heading toward the back shelves of familiar British authors. Although most of these titles triggered him back to all the essays he was paid to do his last year of college, he glared back at you completely mesmerized by the complete collections.

“Look, Williams works. All his romanticism in one set. I bet that’s like a dream to you.” You smiled to yourself, flashing back to your late night ramblings over the phone about literature. You never thought you’d meet anyone with a bigger opinion on themes of romance– and Tom was pretty convincing in his arguments. Truly adorable when you he went on his tangents, just wanting to listen to his soft voice all day.

Tom traced his fingers along the spines of the books before selecting one to read. He breezed through the pages, noticing the pictures within the text before he glanced up and didn’t see you straight on.

“Y/N?” 

“Over here!” Your voice echoed.

He followed the sound of your tone then seeing you sitting in a comfortable nook that overlooked the beach and pool area.

“I found the best seat in the house.” You jeered, pulling your legs to your chest with your back against the wall of the nook.

Tom joined you, sitting down on the cushion within the space and facing you from the opposite side. The natural sunlight came through the window beautifully, so much so that he was already in the reading mood.

You grin, “I bet a bunch of writers came here and just wrote their hearts out.” You said as you looked out to the calm ocean.

“Or where a lot of people hid from their brides.” Tom jeered.

You rolled your eyes, then crawled over to his side. You instantly curled up next to him, your head against his chest as the two of you glanced at the page of the book together. Tom didn’t expect you to get so close, but he wasn’t complaining. 

Within that time, you learned that Tom is the fast reader between you two. Dorky enough, you were a bit envious of that. Everytime he tried to turn the page to tease you, you’d quickly put your hand up to stop him and plea that he stop moving his eyes so fast. 

About thirty pages in, Tom hadn’t realized he was flying through the pages with how in depth he was of the text. He turned his head and saw you fell asleep, smiling down at you and not knowing the short car ride really tired you out. He didn’t move though, he wouldn’t dare to with how peaceful you appeared. He chuckled at your light breaths, napping against him with your hand at the center of his chest.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

A few minutes later, you woke up in Tom’s arms and almost sprung up from the embarrassment.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I passed out.” You chuckled, lifting out of his arms.

“No, it’s okay. I was just reading away.” He shrugged, showing that boyish smile that made your heart race.

The two of you came to the conclusion that you were starved, so you thought of the only bougie thing to do on a wedding weekend– ordering room service. Giddy and smiling, both of you went one of the three huge elevators in the hall and headed to the eleventh floor.

When you entered your room, your luggage was lined up by the door. Neither of you wanted to gawk, but it was probably one of the more fancier places either of you stayed in your lives.

There was a deep tub in the bathroom and robes hanging on the door as well as a king-size bed with an incredible ocean view and balcony. The sofa was in the corner with the mini-fridge next to it, making you curious as to what else they could offer.

“Do you think if we take from here Harrison will kill us?” You asked Tom, opening the small fridge door.

“Kill, no. Strangle? Maybe.”

You giggled, but saw a few sodas and healthy snacks. As you checked out the selection, Tom walked back to the bathroom and turned on the light. His eyes widened to a bottle of champagne on ice set on the counter. There was a tiny card next to the bucket that said: Happy Wedding Everyone! From us, to you! XO The Bride and Groom.

Holy shit, how much was Steven paying for this. Tom thought.

“Wow, that’s for us?” You asked peaking from the doorway.

“I say that we toast. It only seems right.” Tom trailed as he checked the label on the bottle.

Maybe this wouldn’t be as awkward of a night as the two of you dread. Thank God.

Tom already popped the cork, making you hurry back with a bit of a pout on your lip.

“Well, couldn’t find wine glasses but I did find hotel coffee mugs. Much more sophisticated.”

After pouring both cups at least half, the two of you sat on the balcony to admire the scene. The view from your hotel room was beautiful, as if it was a green screen. The sun perfectly setting below the shorelines and the winds blowing the tall grass in the dunes. It reminded you both that it was the summertime; a period of time to relax and destress from the fast pace environment of school and warm up from the previous harsh winters.

There was a freedom in the air, almost confusing from how much time you suddenly had.

“This is definitely the kind of view I want for my wedding.” You trailed, a bit mesmerized.

Tom nodded, “Really?”

“Yeah. A beach wedding is romantic… well, until it gets windy, but I know I’ll get my planning down.” You said before turning to him, “Where do you want to get married?”

His heart skipped a beat, “I’ve never thought about it.”

You scoffed, “Never?”

He nodded, “Never ever. My dad sort of said that it’s what the woman does and the man just nods and agrees.”

“God, your dad sounds like a joy… No offense.” You quickly corrected yourself.

“He’s always been like that. Then I wonder why they didn’t work out.” Tom tried to humor himself.

Your lips went to the side before saying, “Hey, that’s their issues. It doesn’t fall on you or anything. I personally think they did do a great job at raising their son. He turned out pretty okay.” You grinned, holding your cup with both hands.

Tom smirked, “I can agree with okay.”

When he looked at you, it’s like he had this crush on you for years. He thought for a moment that maybe if he believed in his gut feeling, there could be a chance with you. He couldn’t keep backing out each time he wanted to ask you that simple question.

You wondered the same just a few feet away from him. You didn’t want to think so highly of yourself in his perspective, but the thought of getting over this crush would make you feel nothing but regret.

Something was there. The word for it was unknown at the moment. Ultimately, it was now or never. 

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

In the early hours of the day, you and Tom found yourselves in a rush to get ready. As you tried to do your makeup in the bathroom, Tom was in the main room looking in the long mirror while trying to perfect his black tie. He wore a nice navy blue suit with a white button up, feeling like he was playing dress up since he never went to many fancy occasions other than important fraternity meetings.

“How are you doing in there?” You asked him, contorting your face to make sure there were no creases in your concealer.

“I remember why I wear clip-on ties.” He mumbled as he pulled at the end of the tie, but the knot was too crooked by his collar.

As you put down the brush, you grabbed one of your earrings and tried putting it on as you walked out to see where he was at. You saw how he struggled to figure out what shirt to where, seeing the two other unbuttoned ones on the pull-out coach he slept on last night.

“Here, let me try.” You trailed, standing right in front of him so you could align the tie. Tom glanced at you, your eyes focused on the centering as your fingers moved the knot around to get it just right. He gulped with how close you were to him– the last time being when you two had a short make-out before being interrupted. If he kept thinking about it, the more red his cheeks would get and he tried to let his mind go somewhere else.

“There, that’s better. A wedding date has never looked so handsome.” You teased, patting down his tie on top of his shirt. He nervously chuckled, both of you sharing a shy smile before you touched his gelled curls to fix the stray strand of hair by his forehead.

“Now, how do I look?” You asked him, dramatically posing with your hands on your hips. You wore a knee high dress, a pale blue that complimented Tom’s shade of blue where it still matched.

“You look beautiful.” Tom complimented in complete awe.

Heat rose your face, genuinely flustered, “Good, we should probably head down there… before Harrison can think of any comments to throw our way.”

“You’re right.” Tom groaned.

Well, Harrison’s insinuated comments were well in his head anyways so, you two got a few of those before the three of you headed to the wedding venue outside by the beach. Harrison briefly mentioned Cami, not getting into too many details which was for the best (at the moment). 

The three of you took your white fold-out seats toward the middle of the left side, Tom and Harrison pointing out Steven’s family in the front row. You picked up the pamphlet that sat on the chair, the cover showing a professionally taken picture of the couple.

Smiling, you read through the brief summary of the ceremony and Tom kept giving you short glares. He really couldn’t believe how beautiful you looked, especially in the warm sun and beautiful setting around you all.

Once everyone gathered, the wedding started and eventually everyone stood up for the bride’s entrance. You saw her already tearing up, almost making you want to shed tears as well, but you held it together. It was nice to see this woman so happy and you didn’t even know her– you just knew she was happy.

All went well and thorough, everyone awing at the ring bearer and flower girls, but then the vows came and there was nothing but silence.

“I promise to love you today as much as I did yesterday, as much as I will tomorrow and years to come.”

Both you and Tom got shivers up your spine, relating those words. You glance down at Tom’s hand resting between his legs, watching him pick at his nails, and you carefully placed your hand on top of his wrist. He didn’t even realize he was doing it, a shy smile to show his bit of embarrassment. You quietly giggled, squeezing his hand before bringing your hand back to your own lap.

Tom let out a shaky sigh, gulping and thinking his tie was now strangling his throat.

The ceremony would end in a beautiful kiss before the bride and groom left back down the aisle. Everyone slowly moved over to the reception which was only a few feet away under a huge white tent. The cake was set as well as the food and free bar, everyone, including Tom, able to loosen their ties and even take off their shoes to dance.

“That was really nice. Anything like you want at your non-thought of wedding?” You jeered at Tom, walking next to him.

He nodded, “I took a few mental notes. But, my eyes may have been concentrating too much at what color pink the bridesmaid dresses were.” 

“I was thinking between a light flamingo or cotton candy.” You scrunched your nose.

With booze and food being passed around, all the wedding guests were having a great time. With the sun set and the fairy lights beaming around the tent, everyone was having fun and embracing the bride and groom’s special day. Their first dance together was sweet, applauded and wooed before the real party started. 

Hooked on A Feeling by Blue Swede began mid-verse, making everyone laugh at how random the song was. People linked together, swinging back and forth with happiness painted on every face.

“Do you want to dance?” You asked Tom, getting up from your seat and giving your hand out to him.

He nodded, “I’m good right now.”

“C’mon. One dance.” You pouted, “Don’t leave me hanging here.”

“Maybe later.” Tom chuckled, turning a bit pink. 

That was one thing he forgot before the trip– how to dance with rhythm in his step.

“I’ll warm you up and maybe makeTom realize he’s missing out.” Harrison jeered, stepping in to take your hand.

Tom dazed in pure awe of you sway back and forth with Harrison. He wasn’t envious, confident knowing that his bestfriend wouldn’t do that to him, but just being able to see you gracefully dance was like seeing an floating angel glide on clouds. Harrison spun you a few times, throwing your hand back in laughter just from the positive atmosphere.

A minute or two passed in the song, and Tom leaned his arm on the back of his seat, grinning at your smile, but you suddenly made eye contact across the room.

He blushed as you and Harrison walked back over, hoping he wouldn’t be making a fool of himself.

“It’s your turn.” You smiled, taking his hand and Tom got out of his seat. Harrison purposely cheered for both of you loudly, making a scene to tease Tom, but he was happy that Tom was happy. Brown Eyed Girl started playing when you both planted your feet and instantly grooved to the fast beat. Sure, the songs were kind-of cheesy, but it’s expected at a wedding and all you could do was embrace it.

You two merged into the dancing crowd, everyone happy and spinning around as well as kids jumping around between their parents. You wrapped your arms around Tom’s neck, both of you moving and swaying and people passed by singing some of the lyrics. Even Steven and his bride cut in, making everyone cheer for them and laugh.

Once the night calmed down, with kids and older folks heading to their rooms, slower songs played for the guests still enjoying their time. As nice of a night it was, you looked out at the beach from afar and Tom was nursing his drink next to you.

“Do you want to… go see if we can sit on the beach?” You hesitantly asked, wondering if it was cheesy.

Tom nodded, “Sure. Yeah.” He half-smiled.

You both walked together from the wedding tent, heading down the unlit path. Tom grabbed one of the folded blankets displayed in a bin for people who wanted to sit on the beach any time of the day. 

As you two got closer to the beach, Tom couldn’t help but notice everything going on. The moonlight, the leftover pink petals and rice in the sand, even dolphins fins going by within the waves.

No one could make this up as the most perfect moment to ask someone out. Tom cracked his knuckles, the two of you listening to the crash of the waves against the shore, before he stuttered out his words.

“D-Did you have fun tonight?” He shyly asked, not looking at you.

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun. I’m glad you invited me…” You trailed.

Okay, this was the moment. Tom thought, This is when you tell her.

He gulped, but you spoke before him.

“Are you okay?” You furrowed your brow.

Tom cleared his throat, “Yeah! Yeah, I just… I want to tell you something.”

You giggled at his sudden shyness, getting closer to him, “What’s going on?” You grinned, but a bit concerned. You couldn’t gauge if his tone was happy or upset.

He didn’t want to take a completely dramatic pause, but there wasn’t enough air in the world for his lungs to feel like they were working. His tongue felt dry, his skin felt cold, holding his breath until it just all slipped out.

“I really like you and… I haven’t been able to figure out how to say it. I read these books about love and what it is but, I couldn’t think of anything to say for shit.” Tom chuckled, his neck and cheeks heated, “But, now I know that I want to be with you and I’ve known that ever since you came into my life wearing some caution tape and gave you my hoodie… I think that you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

He couldn’t believe he admitted it out loud, feeling a bit faint from letting it all out at once.

You chuckled in relief, “I like you too, Tom. We’ve spent so much time together and you’re so fun to be with that I’ve been tripping over myself wondering if you felt the same.” You thought your heart was in your throat and butterflies bursted in your stomach, “I didn’t want to be that weird girl who just thinks she’s in love with the cute guy at the bookstore she spends too much time at during the day.” 

Tom gulped, surprised by your response, but he had to catch his breath again when your eyes met again. The moment was still a bit awkward, not knowing what to say next, but you bite your bottom lip, “I think this is the part in books and movies where we kiss and ride into the sunrise on your beautiful steed.” 

He cracked a smile and leaned in, his hand against your cheek before your lips met. You would be lying if you said you weren’t dying for this kiss to happen. Like that end at any sappy romance novel you read for pleasure, they always ended in these kind of passionate and satisfying kisses. Although you didn’t think those type of scenarios were real, this was enough to make you start believing.

*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ*✭˚·ﾟ✧*·ﾟ* 

Your eyes fluttered open, surprised by the sound of the waves still crashing onto the shore and salty but gentle breeze brushing across your face. You two must have fallen asleep from how tired the night made you between the dancing and drinking, but you weren’t complaining instead smiling at the coincidence.

A few moments later, Tom would stir from his sleep. He didn’t believe how loud and close the waves were, but his eyes fluttered open to you sat up and looking out at dawn. The wedding arch still stood between the soft sand of the beach, both of you watching the glowing sunset begin its descent under the horizon. 

Another cold breeze set the relaxed mood even more as you two sat there admiring the start of the morning. Tom stretched his back, both of you comfortable with the silence between you two. Feeling refreshed and happy, you turned your head to Tom and the orange light made his brown eyes shine.

“Yesterday happened, right? It wasn’t just an amazing dream I had.” Tom joked, turning to smile at you.

“Truly real. Nothing fictional about it.” You smiled.

Tom placed his hand on your cheek, cupping your skin softly before placing his lips on yours. Your smile faded as your noses brushed together, your heart fluttering as you paced your sweet kiss. It was your happy ending that no book could write.

#tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland fics #tom holland x reader #tom holland x female!reader #tom holland angst #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagine #college au #bookshop au #one shot #frat!tom #tom holland au #tshwritersnet

[tleeaves]

Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine - how it would have ended

Hello, folks! As some of you already know or have heard me mention previously, my TLH fanfic WBITHOM is coming to an end. I am no longer comfortable with it being in the public eye since it involves a lot of personal stuff for me, and so I have decided to delete the fic entirely on every platform it's been published on (that's Quotev, AO3, and Wattpad) rather than rewrite the entire thing. This will also finally give me the chance to focus on other written works. Maybe I'll return to fandom with a rewrite one day for anyone interested, but for now, the future is dedicated to other things. The fic will be deleted in 48 hours, so readers on Quotev and AO3 have a chance to download the unfinished fic if they so desire before then or just have one last read. I ask that no one rewrites or adds an ending to my fic and publishes it anywhere without my knowledge and permission. Never put an author's work through AI either. I still have several copies of my fanfic and its outline, so I will always have evidence of where the story comes from.

WBITHOM is a monster, with the master document coming to well over 150,000 words and the fic so far being ~146,000 words (the entire outline and all my notes makes up over 4,000 words, yes). I predict that, had I finished the fic, it would come close to 188,000 words (so, there was a decent ways to go still). It's the biggest thing I've attempted, but because of that, it is also the most time-consuming (it's been almost a year and a half of writing, and each chapter either takes two full days to write or weeks) and it takes up the most space in my head, not really leaving room for the other ideas I want to explore.

So, as someone suggested, I thought I'd give readers who were hoping to see the fic to its proper end some closure. That's what this post is for: how it would have ended. Along the way, I'll explain some things too about recurring themes and motifs and all manner of behind the scenes and thoughts behind my ideas.

Character Arc Summaries

As readers know, this story follows the characters of Lila Raftis, James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs, and Matthew Fairchild. They're all the most significant figures, though we do see other perspectives and side characters too. Essentially, Lila Raftis struggles with loneliness due to a myriad of other issues she has to work through, and James Herondale's arc starts with his depression and turns into a journey to authenticity where he feels like his own person and not just what he has been written or expected to be. Cordelia Carstairs' physical state of being lost extends to how lost she is within, and she ends realising that she has been continuously defining herself through other people. I see her as leaving London and the love triangle with James and (unconfessed) Matthew (and Lila) to deconstruct a lot of the ideals she was trying to live up to and why. As for Matthew Fairchild, I made the deliberate decision for him to turn into a werewolf and have that separation from Shadowhunter society so that he could pursue the arts and build a better life that he would find more satisfaction with, also eventually becoming sober. I took inspiration from his time at the academy, particularly when he turns to Lila in one of the earlier acts and asks if it's so bad to not be a Shadowhunter. At first, he regrets turning, but I planned for him to wind up relieved.

Honestly, while this work is very self-insert (and that's not a bad thing generally, but I've been finding it uncomfortable as time goes on, so that's why I prefer to take it down and keep it to myself), it was also my way of going How It Should Have Ended for the TLH series as a whole. I started it before ChoT, yes, but that book only led to minor changes and alternate paths taken -- I was already using ChoI as a base to steer these characters in the directions I thought they should go.

The Rest Of Act Three

The rest of Act Three of the fanfic is summarised below (...at length. It's a lengthy summary).

We ended the fanfic on the chapter where James and Lila returned to London, 1903 of his dimension. He was gravely wounded in his left arm, which ends up being amputated despite the efforts of Lila and Lucie (and Gus' help too). This is, of course, a reference to the recent fan art of James where a headcanon went around that the reason we couldn't see his other arm was because it just didn't exist. I took it and ran, which was not planned. I knew I wanted James injured so that Lila could return the care he once had shown her when she was wounded badly, but it wasn't going to be as severe as it ended up being. This is how we ended up at the Institute instead of 48 Curzon Street as I had previously planned for the chapter. James was going to be fine, but Cordelia had decided to confront Lila about several things, and they'd end the night having kissed -- which in turn leads Lila to going for a walk to clear her head and her subsequently getting kidnapped by Jonathan Bell (the Other James from another dimension). Anyway, the change did make some of these plot points awkward (😭) hence why I spent ages editing the make out between Lila and Cordelia because I could not decide how it should start and end. It was a nightmare. As Silver pointed out, it didn't make a whole lot of sense in the order of events (Cordelia should have gone to see James first), but I was in a mad rush to finally release the update since I knew people were waiting. The kidnapping also was not quite as dramatic as I envisioned it, but oh well. I'm actually quite happy with the rest of the chapter though.

From there comes the rest of the fic that readers probably will not get to experience, so that's why I'm writing this out, so you at least know the mysteries that I won't get to reveal and how we get to the end.

Jonathan Bell kidnaps Lila and, through the use of shadow, they end up in Paris, France. This is where Matthew also fled after his mother released him from the Silent City cells after he persuaded her into it. Lila ending up there and being away from both James and Cordelia, and spending more one-on-one time with our antagonist and Matthew since the earlier parts of the book was always intended.

Jonathan is revealed to have possession of another silver pen, which is a reference to a previous fanfic I wrote (also deleted) called Chain of Lies, where the pen could literally rewrite reality if you used your own blood for ink. In Jonathan's dimension, Lila ended up staying in his world and marrying him, but she also dies of a mysterious sickness during their honeymoon, so he uses the pen to go back in time and cancel their honeymoon, under the impression she would not get sick. Instead, she was hit by a car several days earlier, and died in the accident. Jonathan goes back again to stop that from happening, but Lila ends up dying again anyway, over and over again in different ways, every time Jonathan reverses time to prevent each event from occurring. Eventually, he goes so far back in their timeline together that he's reliving the December when they met, and that's how he knows how to divert the accidents in WBITHOM that threaten harm to this other dimension's Lila (are you still with me?). But before that, he created a time loop in that December of his dimension just trying to keep Lila alive for two years of his life whereas everyone else remained the same, but stuck in time. It's supposed to be very angsty and tragic, and it's a demonstration of one of James Herondale's core traits eventually twisting horribly wrong: how he would do anything for those he loves, whether that be family, friends, or lovers.

This character flaw/strength is something I reference lightly a few times throughout the fanfic, mostly in the ways he is concerned about the safety of his family and friends which he tries to find out from Lila, who has read Chain of Iron and knows what the future is supposed to be, and then how he reflects on how he does not know what he would do when someone he loves dies. Honestly, the issue is that he cares too much about people, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, depending on how far it goes. Jonathan is the literal embodiment of what would happen if James' care went too far, if it bordered on obsession, if he wanted to keep someone from dying so bad that he would sacrifice everything else, even the universe.

So, Jonathan finally confesses to the time-loop and explains that as a drastic measure, he tried finding Lila in another dimension to see if he could save her there, but this tearing of the time-loop to escape it worsened a tear that Cordelia had already created in her fight with Belial and the Mandikhor to such a point that it started growing and expanding and destroying the fabric of time and space between dimensions and the universe as a whole. You know, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff (Doctor Who reference for those who get it). The thing he did not realise though is that in this timeline, Lila is not meant to die, so long as she goes back home instead of staying in 1903 (he still doesn't know this, it's just a fact I would have explained to the readers when we meet Circe, the employer of Poppy Morad (P.M.) and Saint Nicholas). This is supposed to leave Lila conflicted, because as much as she wants to hate his guts for being the reason for her family disappearing and the worlds ending, even this Other James is a reflection of her own nature, which is another thing that's been lingering beneath the surface for the duration as the fic: while James has a doppelganger that demonstrates who he might become if he cannot accept loss, he and Lila have similarities boiling beneath the surface that go unnoticed until an outburst we saw Lila have where she basically accuses James of being just like her (not complimentary at the time).

Lila as a character is someone who cares deeply, but is willing to sacrifice herself and others to protect what or who she cares deeply about (yet we also see her choose self-preservation over self-sacrifice a few times before she truly starts acting in service of others). Her circle of people she cares about is more limited than James', but the shared sentiments still stand. Plus, the way Jonathan has acted this entire time has always bordered on unnerving or odd -- I did that on purpose. He's been driven to obsession, where he's basically an extreme of what James and Lila believe in. And he is both James and not James in this way, if that makes sense. We see in one of Lila's nightmares earlier in the book Jonathan saying it does not matter which version of him he is or which version of her she is -- they belong together. Fully delusional at this point, but it's meant to be scary. I'm kind of obsessed that Jonathan is also a mirror for Lila to see how she might look to her James: someone who knows you way too well, but you've also never met nor know much about at all (she might know James but she does not know this one), who's inexplicably fixated on you (granted, James did not even begin to guess Lila's feelings, and hers were rather superficial in a way until they spent more time together).

Anyway, basically, the start of this rewrite of Chain of Lies pretty much began with these dynamics between the two Jameses and Lila. It was a whole thing with diagrams and late night ranting to my poor sister and everything.

So, of course, Lila is conflicted and she also does not know how she's supposed to get Jonathan to reverse the problem he has created -- whether he's also supposed to go back to his dimension and whether that will be enough to repair the tear. Most of this happens in the Notre Dame cathedral because I said so (I like cathedrals as settings, sue me if you dare).

Meanwhile, Matthew has been in Paris and totally avoiding Charles, so he also hears nothing of Will and Tessa being notified about James' injury in London and leaving by portal. But he does hear some French Shadowhunter gossip about the Consul's werewolf son's disappearance when he discovers Lila being taken to the cathedral by a masked man. Then ensues a solo rescue operation. Honestly, I always have a lot of fun writing Matthew, it's hard not to include him more. Anyway, the rescue is successful, and he takes Lila back to his hotel room to lay low for the night before he gets her back to London with the others (since he recognises that they must have no idea where she is, what happened, and she's an integral part of solving this whole mess, as people are still disappearing in this world).

I had a really nice scene planned that I'd been waiting the entire book to write, but basically Lila and Matthew spend a sober night together (as opposed to their time in the Silent City together) where they talk about all their woes, including their love lives, and eventually they get on to the topic of how they could have smoothed over both their dilemmas if they just had each other as lovers, if only their similarities were not such that would probably be self-destructive at this point in their lives. Because we've seen often in the book other characters compare these two, but it's these two themselves who recognise that, yes, they are alike in some ways, but not the ways it counts in order to have a healthy romantic relationship. They settle on being good friends. Matthew also takes her measurements so they can pick up some quick changes of clothes since Lila's still wearing her grimy outfit she wore during the explosion. And she also brings up that she knows he's an artist, but asks that she have the chance to sketch him, and he offers to do so in return, so they spend the rest of the night drawing, which I just find so sweet. There's not much significance in that at face value, it's just cute, but I also see Matthew embracing an old hobby as one of the first steps he takes in moving on from all his pain and finding better outlets for it.

Also, the platonic nature between Lila and Matthew, the complicated romance with James and Cordelia, and then all the familial themes and side-plots going on are all part of an idea I had going into this that I wanted to demonstrate many facets of love and the importance of each in their individual right. If anything, given the extreme slowburn I've come at James/Lila/Cordelia with particularly, I want to end this book purposefully with none of them winding up together because so many other things mattered more than their romance, and even the kind of loves they have for each other are a reason they don't end up staying because they would all rather see each other safe and not see each other at all than know they might cause other problems by being in the wrong dimensions.

Anyway, because I do multiple perspectives for everything, while Matthew and Lila and Jonathan have their bit going on in Paris, back in London we see James coming to terms with his disability and in all his rumination over what's happened and Lila being missing but him being unable to go out and find her, James finally (FINALLY!) realises his romantic feelings for Lila. This also leads to a scene between him and Cordelia where they both discuss Lila and their feelings for her. Cordelia also confesses how she has felt for James for a long time, but she also explains that she wants nothing to come of it anymore because she does not see herself settling down with him like she previously thought. James is a bit stung by this (I mean, my guy had no idea about Cordelia's true feelings until now and then she also springs a rejection on him at the same time when he's just begun to realise some of his own feelings around her) but is ultimately relieved since he feels he needs more time to figure out who he is and the life he wants without the bracelet numbing him.

We also would have seen Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas again and their increasing distress and alarm with how difficult Jonathan Bell has been to track and control since he's hared of to Paris with Lila.

When Jonathan finds out Lila's gone, he feels betrayed and frustrated by his failure. Because while he feels he has saved her, she's refusing to be his as she once was in his dimension (also why he was confused and then against her leaving and going home earlier in the story). The world is breaking down around him (we start to see parts of Paris going up in flames, not unlike London 2021 of Lila's dimension) and he's about to go track Lila down again (but now he's going a bit more heavily into Villain Mode).

We also see Poppy Morad closing in on Jonathan as he returns to London when she's defecting orders from Circe, her higher up, to take him down instead of corralling Lila's effects on the timeline.

Lila and Matthew return to London on Christmas Eve just hours before the end of the world properly starts in 1903. This is also when she and James interact for the first time since he passed out on the bridge several days ago. I was a bit undecided on how I wanted this scene to look, other than I needed them to finally confess their feelings for each other in the rain like a cliche after they have an argument where Lila says that James has everything she wants (and this is where we realise the root of her problem in this whole book is not simply loneliness, but a dissatisfaction with herself and her life, which has lent itself to the more superficial issues she's been having) but that ultimately she also just wanted him though she knows she cannot be with him without risking everything. So, when James confesses his side, they decide to spend what little time they have left with each other as best as they can. (And this where I as an author push them together like Barbie dolls and go "now kiss").

Have I mentioned this story has too many layers and plot points and it's been driving me mad this entire time I've been writing it? Anyway.

They quickly determine with The Gang™️ that "Belial" and "Lilith" are not who they seem to be anymore, because while Alastair just got arrested for the murder of Lilian Highsmith (oh yeah, that happens while Lila and Matthew are in Paris, because I wanted a reversal where it's Thomas who stands up for Alastair when he's accused of murder, just for funsies) everything else that has happened seems to be related to whoever this P.M. (remember when Cordelia was also accused of murder because Filomena thought she saw Cordelia when she was attacked?) and Matthew body double is (spoiler: Poppy Morad and Saint Nicholas are codenames for other versions of Cordelia Carstairs and Matthew Fairchild in another timeline, I'll explain more about this later, but what you can probably surmise already is that this alternate Cordelia has taken the place of Belial within this dimension and is the one murdering all the victims (including her father. That was a difficult point, because we see in a PM and Saint Nick scene that he's concerned about whether she can go through with it) and Matthew has taken Lilith's place in some minor ways (like hiding and then handing back Cortana at the right moments)).

Anyway, because Lila's kind of behind on some events, she goes to confess to Cordelia (but explain how she also feels about James), when Cordelia says there's a lot more she wants out of life before she pursues romance again. That she's been so consumed by it, by finding love, by getting married, she's lost who she is beneath it all. (Have you noticed the theme for every character in this fic is basically authenticity and finding oneself despite whatever circumstances they find themselves in?)

Then, we also would have seen Lila dedicate herself to taking down Jonathan herself since he's the main problem that's tearing things apart and perhaps if he's killed then he can no longer influence time and reality.

Vaguely, I had planned that James and Lila would have what my outline says is "an emotional night together" because it could mean literally anything and I wasn't totally sure where I wanted it to go. So. Interpret that one how you will with whatever you prefer, honestly. Anyway, while that's happening, we see Matthew go home to his mother who is, understandably, worried sick and mad because he never wrote to her like he was supposed to and Charles return without him. We see Matthew collapse into her arms and just sob. That was the plan. It's important to me that he's actually vulnerable with her for once and that he, a young man too big to be in his mother's arms, lets himself be held anyway. There was also supposed to be a wholesome Thomastair moment that I hadn't really planned, though I knew Alastair would go home with Cordelia afterwards and she would start her journey to forgiving him. We also would have seen her kneel in front of Sona to confess A Whole Lot Of Things about what's been happening in her life, from as early as the marriage blanc and the Blackthorn Manor incident. Basically, everything is supposed to be hopeful even if it hurts just a bit and feels a little bittersweet. Because then in the chapter this all would have taken place in, we'd end with Saint Nicholas and Poppy Morad collecting the pithos from Christopher who picked it up in the background of everything (basically, all the Belial storyline has still been operating as it should, except it's being orchestrated by PM instead of Belial), when Jonathan sneaks up on them and fatally wounds (he had the intent to kill) Saint Nicholas, who he is shocked to find out in that moment is an alternate Matthew.

AND THEN, next chapter we would have had at the tolling of midnight, signaling Christmas day, PM the alternate Cordelia (whose character is the way it is because she's been hardened by some long and traumatic years -- she and alternate Matthew have a tragic backstory that I've been keeping in my back pocket that wasn't really necessary to be explained in the story, but if you want to know more, just ask) drags a dying alternate Matthew back to their tent where Circe, their mysterious employer, is torn away from her work elsewhere to start enacting emergency world-fixing in this timeline. This is also when we find out Circe's identity: she is Cassandra Clare, once again (if you read Chain of Lies) who's codename was derived from the common shortened CC she's referred to in fandom, who has universal powers and basically controls (to an extent) a good portion of the universe. Like a god. But also not. It's a whole mysterious thing that I never intended to explain because I think some things are better unexplained.

THEN, Jonathan shows up to 48 Curzon Street, covered in blood and calling for Lila. A fight between him and James (and sort of Lila who's attacking Jonathan though he refuses to attack her) ensues before he ends it all by taking out a silver pen (The Silver Pen) where we see 'Nikoletta' engraved on it, and writes a time-loop which snaps the final threads keeping all the timelines and dimensions in order.

Act Four Explained Slightly More Briefly

This is the final act of the book and also the shortest. It was planned to only be about six chapters long. Now, I was most excited about this part of the book because I had ✨visions✨. No, literally, the entire inspiration of this entire fanfic came from a dream I had about James Herondale as Spider-Man, me impersonating Cordelia Carstairs and not knowing how to do Shadowhunter things, Santa Claus as Father Time, and the end of the universe, and this is where we would have finally get to see it all come together.

We kick it off with an entire chapter dedicated to a lot of scenes similar to what I've written earlier in the book with Lila and James' nightmares, where nothing makes complete sense and yet the reader is meant to feel on the cusp of understanding something alongside the characters before the dreams usually end. Only they don't here. The dreams are reality, but reality is broken, and there is no waking up because there is also no sleeping and there is no normal but faint memories of what came before. So not only is the environment ever-shifting (think of it almost like a kaleidoscope and you have maybe a quarter of my vision here), but the people also keep "glitching" between different versions of themselves at different points in time and in different realities even (sometimes the doubles join and then they split apart, it's a weird nightmareish sort of thing in my mind), and so they also have different memories and levels of knowledge about things that have happened and what's going on. We see it mostly through Lila and James' perspectives. There's supposed to be a lot of angst and a feel like everything is a fever dream.

In the next chapter, things only start to get slightly ordered when Jonathan Bell finds Lila and says he'll rewrite the universe she wants so that it's perfect for her, and can have it be anything she wants, so long as they are together (major creep vibes though, honestly, as sweet as this might sound to some). This is also me addressing a problem from my original fanfic before this one, Chain of Lies, where I basically gave that silver pen waaay too much power, and now I'm demonstrating what it can do and so, like the one ring to rule them all, it must be destroyed (once Lila or someone else gets a hold of it to rewrite and fix the fabric of everything). Alastair saves Lila from Jonathan this time (he's still a bit prickly, but we see he still cares about Lila anyway), and demands she go find Cordelia to end Jonathan (Cordelia has Cortana which can cut through anything, which is important). Then we also would have seen that James is stranded somewhere with a fluctuating Matthew (the vision is that he keeps changing states from a werewolf to a living corpse to himself at various ages) and they are attempting to find PM, the alternate Cordelia, who knows Circe who should be able to fix everything as PM explains (she got separated from Circe and Saint Nicholas when the world went crazy). She leads them partway before she's taken by the collapsing world (she disappears basically, because that can still happen to people). When Lila finds her Cordelia, she's in the Paladin state (imagine glowing eyes and a vague aura of scariness with a glowing sword and you've got it) and it takes a bit to get through to her so they can make a plan to take down Jonathan.

Chapter after that, we have Cordelia distracting Jonathan so Lila can steal the pen, but she realises she does not know how to write an ending that does not kill all the Jameses since, as Jonathan once put it in her nightmares, "it does not matter which version of him I am... we are the same". This hesitance gets Cordelia fatally wounded, though she's not quite dead yet, but it's the final push Lila needs to kill Jonathan with Cortana (as also seen in a dream she had ages ago without realising it), and Circe finally manages to pull enough worldly strings in this chaos to pause time long enough for James and Lila to reunite to do the re-writing with her.

From there, we have two alternate paths. I called these basically "the happy ending that could have been" and "the bittersweet ending that was", which I was inspired to write by The Umbrella Academy (if you know, you know, I won't spoil it for anyone else who doesn't).

In the happy ending that could have been, we see the characters a couple years down the line. We also find out that Lila would not have died like she did in the other universe. She and James are together and they end up planning to propose to each other on the same day, which is the day after Lila successfully ascends. Then we see Cordelia and Matthew travelling together across the world as friends. After that, we would have seen Thomas and Alastair having dinner at the Lightwoods'. Finally, the Raftis family believe Lila is missing, presumed dead, but after a couple years they are finally moving on.

The bittersweet ending that was though is where Lila goes home. The friends she's made in London 1903 see her off before James takes her back to her dimension where they'd have one final goodbye on Blackfriars Bridge. That night, Cordelia gets on a train to set off and travel on her own. We also see Matthew, who has already picked up Oscar a couple days earlier, going to Gus' flat to complain that Oscar misses Gus and would not stop whining until they came by. We see Matthew finally tentatively suggest a first date, and Gus would accept. We close this part of the ending much like we started the book, with James walking alone in the night, just as he was when he left the Devil Tavern and his story took a different direction to canon when he found himself outside Cornwall Gardens where he met with Alastair. This time, James is alone, and he's feeling a little hopeful about the future ahead.

We get one final chapter before the epilogue where it's mostly Lila's perspective as she finally gets to experience Christmas with her family in 2021 and I planned for the beginning of some family healing and bonding to occur. Then we would have seen future James once more, who it turns out is now tasked by Circe (CC) with maintaining the space between dimensions, but this means he can't be in any one for very long since it's a lot of work that takes up time.

And now we get to the epilogue. Every time I imagine this, I get a little emotional. The epilogue would have began several years in the future with Lila dropping a bi-annual letter into the Thames, which I liken to the River Styx, in that it's where all lost things end up. We see, rather comedically, that she has moved out with the money she gained from some things she "stole" from Curzon Street, as well as her mysterious finding of the adamas, which scientists in her world are still amazed by. We are surprised to see though that when she goes home, she's living with the version of Matthew who nearly died in his previous role as Saint Nicholas, because CC gave him a chance to live out a new life elsewhere, in a dimension where there was not another version of himself. He and Lila seem to be doing well.

We cut to James of around December 1905 who has gone to visit his family at the Institute, where Lucie and Jesse are pouring over Cordelia's latest letter from abroad. James says he was just at Matthew's flat, and Gus was telling him about theories of time travel that the mundanes at the university Gus attends were discussing. We also find out that James himself has written a book, a science fiction piece with a ridiculously long title, about different worlds and the doubles of people that exist. After the dinner, he goes to Blackfriars Bridge and produces several of Lila's letters out of a pocket before stowing them away and shadow travelling to her dimension to leave a letter for her.

The fanfic would have ended on James' letter, which mentions briefly that he is having nightmares again of Belial's return since they have heard nothing have what happened with CC. Aside from that, the letter is rather sweet. But we see that Lila never gets a chance to read it, because CC collects it first and burns it with a lighter while humming "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas".

Concluding Words

And that, ladies, gents, and fair folk, was how Wasting Beats In This Heart Of Mine would have ended. It has potential for a sequel. One I never want to write except in my head because, man, I am so exhausted by this fanfic alone after I already did it as a rewrite of Chain of Lies. If anything, this is the sequel to Chain of Lies and the next potential story would be the third book. It's been a long few years, I'll tell you that.

Some final things:

If you're wondering about that green coat I was always mentioning: it was supposed to be my tell, along with the gold-ringed eyes, for Saint Nicholas being an alternate Matthew, who is also the leader of the SoHo wolf pack in his origin universe. For Poppy Morad as the alternate Cordelia, who worked as Matthew's partner in time shenanigans, it was the fact that people forgot her face once they saw it because of a facial rune she applies (one that does not exist but she has courtesy of working for The CC). That's why people often knew they saw Cordelia, but could not remember the details of that meeting, if they managed to remember her at all.

The reason Lila has essentially what I call "a death aura" is because of her alternate selves, many of whom die, and it's something that leaks between worlds as the walls steadily break down.

At some point in Le Grand Reveal Of The Time-loop, Lila realises that the detailing on Jonathan's mask matches the floral detail on the back of The Joker card she's been carrying around with her sister's initials this whole time, which hints at just how significant some of the objects in this story are and the meanings they can give (The Fool and The Master being other common names for the card, related to its unpredictability and capability of being anything).

Jonathan wears, obviously, his crimson cape, but his clothes are a deep navy blue and this is part of my reference to Spider-Man and the original dream that inspired all of this.

Future James does indeed have diamond stud earrings. I said so.

At the end of the book, CC would have reinstated Lilith and Belial (whom she removed for previously causing problems in other dimensions where they became too aware of alternate timelines) with altered memories, so the stories can generally continue where they left off (some a couple years later, which has some interesting effects if I wrote the next book, in theory).

And I think that's all I have. But if anyone has any questions at all, feel free to reply to the post to ask, message me, or put it straight into the ask box, I'm more than happy to answer since I'm already depriving you of a properly written-out neat ending to everything. Reminder that I am deleting the fanfic WBITHOM in roughly 48 hours from the time of this post, so after that it will not be available on any public platforms for reading. I am not taking down any of my other fanfics (except for the few that I already have some weeks ago).

Thank you to the readers who have supported me on this longass journey. You were often the reason I kept going when I wanted to give up on writing fanfic, especially writing this one, which has been a very trying process (I mean, it took me half a day just to explain the last approximate third of the damn book, for crying out loud). I appreciate the kudos, the comments, and all the enthusiasm. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Take care now, and I'll see you in the updates of other works in the future.

-- streettealee

P.S. special thank you to @thevagabondexpress who endured many hours of me blabbering way too much about this fic and these characters, who I pestered to give me feedback as I fretted over whether I was doing everything right (spoiler: there's no right way, just better ways), and who cared about this when I struggled to. You suggested I might find a way to give readers some closure. And so I also give thanks to @faithfromanewperspective, who went nuts for an Australian OC (understandably, as I would too) and blazed through my entire fic and encouraged me inadvertently to start updating again after a long dry spell. You still absolutely get to see my drafts and outline next time we catch up in person, but I hope for now that this is a good description of the rest of what the book would have been and it gives you some closure, as well as for the other readers. Thank you also to @quantummeep for reading and commenting! I can never get out of my head how even early on in your reading you recognised all the plot threads that I had been weaving together, and it meant so much to me that you appreciated the level of detail I tried to work with.

Thank you all and to the other readers who also supported me 💛

#wasting beats in this heart of mine #wbithom #the last hours fanfic #tlh fanfic

[canbean-enby]

I feel like I need to post so here is some Stardew Valley fluff for my favorite writer boi

Elliot had been working on his new novel for the past few months. Because of his dedication, he had become more and more closed off the closer he came to finishing it. He always pushed himself too hard when it came to his books. He thought that if he didn’t finish them that he would be a failure and the entire reason that he moved to the small town would be a waist. He also thought that he would be a bad husband to you if he wasn't able to provide funds for your crops for the coming season. Of course, you could hold your own, you were good with saving and your crops always sold for a pretty penny because of the new fertilizer that you were able to get. It was safe to say that you were financially in the right place, however, Elliot always concerns himself with the “what ifs”

What if you get into an accident on the bus? What if your crops die earlier than they were expected. What if the fertilizer stops working? What if your animals weren’t able to provide enough milk this week?

The what-ifs consumed him and pushed him to continue writing. But the progress he was making on each chapter, caused you two to grow further apart.

Some days you two would barely speak. Others, you could not get a single word out of him. He would always forget to eat so you had to make sure he was doing that while also taking care of the farm. You were getting exhausted. And today caused you to pass out.

You decided to get your farm duties done early so you could get something nice for Elliot in the mines. You know he doesn’t like to show it, but the man loves being spoiled. Especially with crab cakes and some jewels. So, that’s what you decided to get. You understand his determination to get books done when he has the idea in place. You’ve seen him when he has to discard a book because of the loss of direction and you never want him to be that sad again. Even if it costs you quality time to spend with him. You have your farm to distract you anyway.

While thinking about your darling husband, you got distracted and a slime snuck up on you. While you attacked it, there was another that snuck up behind you. You managed to fight both of them off but they messed you up pretty good. Your body was torn and your energy was depleted. You need to go home. You don’t need another $1000 charged because you wanted to complete a task. That would be the tenth time this month and you know Harvey would scold you until your ears bleed. Plus, there is always someone stealing in the mines. No one knows who but if you pass out, you wake up with less than you had before. You found that out the hard way and there is no way you are going to let that happen again.

So, you dragged your sluggish body back to your house. Your feet cried at the fact that your house was so far from the mines. Your stomach yelled at you for not eating before coming here. You thought it would’ve been a quick trip. Didn’t realize that crabs were so hard to come by. Then again the TV did say that your luck would not be good today.

You didn’t even notice that you got home until your head banged against your front door. You opened it and suddenly your legs gave out as soon as the indoor breeze hit you. You didn’t even care at this point, your body was just so exhausted.

In your fog of exhaustion, you didn’t notice that your husband was trying to get your response to see if you were okay. He heard the bang at the front door and knew it was you, what he didn’t expect was the collapse that followed right after that. He knew you worked yourself hard but this was going too far. What could you possibly need that you would risk passing out in a place like the mines?

Once you gave your husband a quiet whisper that you were okay, he walked you over to your shared bedroom and set you on the bed. He pressed his fingers on top of your forehead to see if you had run a fever but everything seemed fine. So he ran to the kitchen to grab you some food that you left in the fridge for him. You did not hesitate to eat it. You didn’t even realize how hungry you were until the plate of food met your eyes. Once you were finished, you set the plate aside and tried to sit up only to be pushed down by the ginger.

“Darling you need to rest”

“I’m okay Elliot, really. I just need to remember to bring some more food with me when I go to the mines. And I probably need to go the adventurers guild to see if I can get a new weapon. Who knew slimes could be so-“

“My love,” he places a hand on your cheek and a thumb on your lips to stop you from talking. “I don’t want you out of my sight for the rest of today, okay? My eyes need a break from the screen and you need to rest. Why not help each other out hm? How does that sound?” You couldn’t help the smile that crawled onto your face or the heat that spread across your cheeks as you looked at the man you loved. “Depends, do I get a kiss out of this deal or?” He only chuckled before pressing his lips to yours, filling the kiss with passion and love, something you both have needed for the past few months. Once he pulls back, he moves into the bed next to you and pulls you close to him, playing with your hair gently to try and lull you to sleep. Of course, it was working.

After a few moments of silence, you can hear the hesitation in his voice. The way he opens and closes it prompts you to ask what is on his mind.

“I am sorry for my neglectful behavior these past few months. It’s just…I feel that if I do not make this book better than my last, I won’t be able to financially support the farm and I would eventually become a burden to you.”

You look up at him and see that his eyes are full of tears and his breath has quickened. You move your hand gently onto his face and slowly make him look at you, giving a small kiss to his nose to try and ground him from the thoughts that continue to rack his mind.

“Elliot, we are fine financially. You know this. You are not and never will be a burden on me. The house is already paid for, the farm is just something I feel the need to do. There is nothing you need to worry about when it comes to finances my darling. Everything is covered. You do not need to worry.”

Though you said this, a smile did not appear on his face like you expected it to. So you did what you know would bring a smile onto his face. You moved your hand into your pocket and felt around for the receipt that Pierre provided when you sold your crops. You showed it to your husband and his eyes lit up in surprise.

"How- you made all of this from the farm? Was this from this month?"

"Darling...that was just from today." You didn't think his eyes could get any bigger, but they did. He sat in shock, looking over the numbers that were inked onto the small piece of paper. The guilty feeling lifted away as you slipped the piece of paper onto the night stand next to you.

"If you ever need help on the farm. Do let me know. Maybe if you showed me how then we can make even more than that."

You giggled at his excitement, moving you hands around his waist and pulling him in closer to you as you close your eyes.

"Yea but you have to learn to remember to water your crops every day my love. And not with salt water..."

He kissed the top of your head and angled his arms around you, getting comfortable as multiple yawns were shared between the both of you. "I guess you are correct. Maybe I should stick to writing."

#stardew elliott #stardew valley #Elliot fluff #Elliot x reader #stardew valley fluff #gn!reader #if you couldn't tell im a Elliot lover #any Elliot slander is not tolerated #let Elliot farm #farm boy Elliot 2023

[completelybooked]

This month I read the Bronte sisters to do as many have done in the past and compare them to one another. I chose the most popular work from each and took my time going through them, dedicating about a week to each one. Here are the results:

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: I read this one first. Like many, I went in with the (perhaps wrong) belief that this was a love story. But it isn’t. Not really. And my expectation dampened my appreciation of it when I saw just how violent and dark the story gets. Personally, I’ve never been drawn to Byronic hero types. Their brooding, violent natures have always turned me off and so viewing Wuthering Heights as a love story did not allow me to appreciate the depth of what this book is. After I finished the other two, I went back and reread parts of this one and took my time with specific passages. I read essays and watched videos and over time, came to appreciate this story more and more. Now, I’m in awe of what it is; not a love story, but a literary masterpiece. It is shocking, complex, and, for its time, revolutionary. 5/5 stars.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte: Widely considered as the first truly feminist novel, TOWFH was repressed in its time by none other than Anne’s sister Charlotte, who believed that the writing and reception of this book led to her sister’s demise. That being said, I thought this book was brilliant. It is wildly unlike anything her sisters wrote and comparing it to either of the other books is futile. There are no supernatural influences, no wild moors, no wives in the attic...instead, this book is a very real portrait of the effects of alcoholism, and a poignant statement on the state of marriage in the Victorian era. It is extremely readable, even today, and features a much more believable love story in terms of pace than most other books of its time. 4.5/5 stars.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: This was a reread for me. I read this book back in high school and loved it then. Therefore, it carries with it the kind of nostalgia that makes forming an objective opinion difficult. That said, I still love this book. The playfulness between Rochester and Jane is so endearing in the beginning and Jane herself demands respect both from the reader and from everyone around her. However, once again, our Byronic hero brought this down a notch because this one really is a love story. More specifically, his insistence on making reference to how young, small, and childlike Jane is is a bit...ick. His violent reaction when she wants to leave him and, of course, his treatment of his wife and his lies, make this love story twist in the gut a bit. But this is a character study of Jane as much as it is a love story and therefore I can’t condemn (in my modern context) what was, at the time, a genuine expression of gender roles. 4.5/5 stars.

All in all, comparing these books is a disservice to the three young women who wrote them. We would do better to compare them instead to their peers at the time, none of whom dared to write about the kinds of things these women tackled. The female characters presented to us during this early part of the Victorian era were those of Charles Dickens who has often been accused of oversimplifying the women in his books. Or Elizabeth Gaskell, another female author, whose women were more complex, but lacked the depth of Jane Eyre or the controversy of Helen Graham. And what complexity they did have comes, in part, from the fact that she herself was very close friends with Charlotte Bronte. Comparing the Brontes to each other, or really to anybody else, is an exercise in futility. One that I myself am still grappling with, having spent a month with these three women with no clear winner in sight.

#bronte sisters #jane eyre #tenant of wildfell hall #wuthering heights #books

[petitelepus]

Writing A Love Story, Part 2

MODERN!KYOGAI X FEM!READER

Summary: Kyogai learns that you are not only a teacher but a writer also, much like he used to be and you soon learned that. You want to read something he has written and despite feeling reluctant he lets you read something. He just didn't expect to care so much about what you thought about his work.

Warnings: None

A/N: Modern!AU, Female Reader, Teacher Reader, Teacher Kyogai, Sanemi Shinazugawa, Goto, Tengen Uzui

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5

You and Kyogai, the two of you had been friends now for about a week or two, and while you didn't hang out outside school, you were talking and on pretty good terms together. Whenever you were having a problem you couldn't solve alone or if you didn't understand something, he was the first person whose help you asked.

Kyogai kind of liked it, helping you and being needed by you. It made him feel like he was important to you… And why did he care so much about it?

But students absolutely adored you and no one had anything bad to say about you. Some even liked you a little too much sometimes… But you had really blended into Kimetsu Academy's life and the Academy accepted you happily.

All of you teachers were doing some paperwork, grading, and such while students had their club activities.

Kyogai was just about done when he heard you whine for some reason. He glanced at you over the mountain of books and noticed that you were stretching, arms high in the air and chest pushed out-!

He quickly returned his gaze to the computer screen in front of him before you could notice him staring. As soon as you had worked out the kink on your shoulder you returned back to your work at the computer, writing harder and faster than he had ever seen anyone else write.

The music teacher admired your dedication and he thought that he should aim to be as productive as you were, so he returned back to his work.

…Though it looked like no one other than you was as productive as you were being. The teachers were talking amongst each other, one way or another putting off their workload.

Finally, one teacher had enough and that was the math teacher Sanemi Shinazugawa. "Fuck, everyone, focus! We need to get everything done before the day ends or else!"

"Don't worry about it Sanemi!" Tengen the art teacher laughed, "There is still plenty of time before we have to return all the work."

"That's what you say now, but in the end, you end up rushing because you were taking too long!" The silver-haired teacher shouted as he pointed at you, "You all should take the example of the young Lady here! She may be new here, but she is doing her best with her work!"

"Oh, thank you Shinazugawa sir, but, I finished my work ages ago." You replied and every teacher turned to look at you in shock, "So fast!?"

"Ha ha, yeah, I was feeling like writing so I finished my work so I could use the rest of the time for my hobby!" You laughed in a good manner.

"Leave your hobbies back home!" Sanemi snapped but you weren't shaken by his shouting. No, you just smiled happier, "But Shinazugawa sir, writing takes passion and inspiration and those two can strike at any given moment!"

"You're…" Kyogai blinked as he registered your words, "You're a writer?"

"Hm?" You glanced at him and nodded, "Not an official one, but kinda? I don't get paid much and it's mostly my way of venting and expressing myself."

"Kyogai used to write." Goto, the English teacher quickly added to the conversation, much to his red-eyed colleague's horror.

"Goto!" The music teacher glanced at his fellow teacher, shocked that he was called out like that, but it was too late, you had heard about Kyogai's past as a shameful failure.

"You're a writer also?" You asked as you looked at your friend who avoided eye contact with you, "I used to be…"

"That's amazing!" You cheered happily, much to his surprise. He willed himself to look at you and to his shock, you were looking at him as if he was a famous movie star.

"What did you write, if I may ask?"

"Nothing worthwhile mentioning…" He averted his gaze as he got ready to be ridiculed by you, a successful writer…

But then he saw you got up from the corner of his eyes and next he felt your petite fingers wrap around his hand and he turned to look at you in shock, only to be confused by the twinkle in your eyes as you looked at him.

"Please Kyogai, may I read your work?" You asked and the music teacher was stunned. You were being genuine and not mocking him for failing as a writer. The man frowned a little as he averted his gaze, not standing to look at you in the eyes when you looked at him so adoringly.

"Alright… I'll bring it tomorrow." He finally gave in and your smile just grew as you nodded, "Thank you, I'm so excited to see what you have written!"

Kyogai nodded and you let go of his hand and returned to your seat and despite Sanemi's shouting, you continued writing. The music teacher turned back to his computer and sighed as he continued his work, nervous about how you would like this writing.

The next day came quicker than he anticipated and each step he took towards the teacher's office increased the butterflies in his stomach. Once by the entrance, his red eyes immediately went to your workspace in the room, but you weren't there yet. In fact, it looked like he was the first teacher there.

Kyogai sighed in small relief, but the nervousness in his stomach didn't go anywhere-!

"Good morning Kyoga!"

The music teacher nearly jumped out of his skin as he quickly turned and saw you walking down the long hallway. You were waving as you approached him and the man could feel his heart go out of control in his chest.

"Good morning young Lady," He greeted you as you stopped before him with a huge smile on your lips, "I'm so excited to read your work, I barely slept!"

Well, that was one way to make him even more nervous and self-conscious.

"Just a second, please," He said as the two of you entered the office and went to your own places across from each other. Kyogai grabbed his shoulder bag, pulled out his script, and offered it to you over the tables, "Here you go."

"It's on paper?" You asked as you accepted the bundle of papers and Kyogai felt insecure.

"I… I like doing things old-fashioned…" He looked aside, "Sorry for the inconvenience-"

"No no, this is fine!" You smiled at him, "I actually prefer books this way!"

"You… You do?" Kyogai asked and you nodded eagerly, "Yep! I own many books and comics myself because why not? Like, what would happen if one day I wouldn't be able to go online and read my favorite work?"

"You wouldn't… Be able to read them?"

"And that is why I own real books and not just eBooks! Besides, it's way nicer to own a physical copy of something you like."

"I…" He nodded, "I can relate to that."

You smiled as you nodded and looked at his script in your hands and opened the first page, "I'll start reading it right away!"

The music teacher nodded and he left you be, focusing on his teaching plan for the day. It didn't take long for other teachers to turn up to work and you happily greeted every teacher as they entered the room.

You reminded Kyogai a little of an excited puppy, always so happy and full of positive energy no matter what. Hopefully, your positivity extended to his work. He could still vividly remember how his friend had given him harsh criticism by calling his work dull and boring…

And just like that, he got nervous again about you reading his work.

The day went on just like any other school day, but every time Kyogai stole a glance at you he saw you reading his work, your pretty eyes glued to the words on the papers before you.

You weren't smiling, your face neutral and not revealing anything you might have felt as you read. It was more nerve-wracking than anything, not seeing you smile as you usually did.

And then the worst happened and his fears turned out to be true. He saw you yawn.

Just like his friend, you must have thought his work was boring… For the rest of the day, Kyogai was feeling down. He knew it was childish to get upset because of something as simple as another person's opinion, but he was only a human and for some reason, he really wanted your approval. Maybe because unlike him, you were actually a successful writer, or maybe because he liked you?

Wait, did he like you? But you had only known each other for a couple of weeks… But he had read about people falling quickly if they had plenty in common with each other.

No, he should ignore those feelings for now and prepare himself for your criticism. The day went on and he waited nervously… Until the school ended and you were still reading.

Kyogai sighed as he picked up his bag and turned to leave. "I'm heading home." He said and the teachers who were still there waved him off and he left quietly. The hallways were already empty as he walked, so when he heard his name being called it almost echoed.

"Kyogai!"

The music teacher flinched and turned around to see you running at him with his script in your hand. You stopped right in front of him and smiled, "I read your work!"

"Okay?" The man nodded as his gaze fell to the floor, "It was boring, wasn't it?"

"No, not at all!" You shook your head, "I liked it!"

"You don't need to lie to me." He said, "I'm an adult, I can take rejection."

"I'm not, I swear!" You sounded so distressed, so he raised his eyes and saw you frowning before you repeated yourself, "I'm not lying!"

Oh, how genuine and honest you sounded…! Could he have been wrong?

"But… I saw you yawning earlier…?"

"That's because I barely slept, silly!" You smiled as you looked at his script in your hands, "I really liked your work, Kyogai. I can tell you put your heart and soul into it and into every word and sentence there was."

Kyogai's eyes widened and he felt a sting as tears rose to them. You recognized his work and complimented it? No one had done that before and it filled the music teacher with such joy.

"H- hold on, are you crying!?" You gasped and then panicked, "I- I'm sorry, did I say something wrong? S- Should I get someone-?"

"Thank you…"

"Huh?"

"Thank you," Kyogai repeated as he raised his head and you flinched as you saw tears running down his face, but they were tears of joy, "Thank you for your kind words. I… I never received them so forgive me if I'm a little emotional."

"Oh…" You blinked and a blush rose to your cheeks as you looked away and the tall man used this as his chance to wipe his tears off to the sleeve of his shirt.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something." You said and he looked at you, "What would it be?"

"You know I'm a writer and that writers are constantly looking for inspiration?" You asked and he nodded, understanding what you meant really well. You smiled as you tucked his script under your arm and gently grasped his hands in yours.

The man blushed slightly at the contact and you smiled as you looked straight into his red eyes, "Kyogai, would you do me the honor and let me use you as my muse?"

Kyogai blinked, confused as his brain slowly registered your words. You wanted him to be your source of inspiration and passion? Him of all people?

"R- Really-?" He stopped himself and corrected what he wanted to say, "Are you certain? I'm not that interesting or anything really-?"

"You're to me!" You declared with an excited smile on your pretty shiny lips, "You can say no, but I would love to write something with you in my mind!"

"Well… In that case…" He swallowed nervously as he nodded, "But please, when you're done, would you let me read what you have written?"

You nodded happily as you squeezed his hands gently, "I will! I would love to hear your opinion about my writing!"

"I'm looking forward to it." He smiled a little and you let go of his hands and picked his script so you wouldn't drop it.

"Well, it's time to head home. I'm gonna go back to the teacher's office to pick up my stuff. I guess we will see each other tomorrow?" You asked and he smiled a little as he nodded, "I'm looking forward to it."

And he really was.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #kyogai #demon slayer kyogai #reader #reader insert #fem!reader #modern au #modern!Au #writing #my writing #story #my story #sanemi shinaguzawa #goto #demon slayer goto #tengen uzui #ENJOY!

[holdmeclosertinytaron]

RHW: Chapter Ten

Story Page / Playlist / Wattpad / AO3

PLEASE READ: I don't quite have the words to describe how I feel right now. After 14 months of planning, writing, editing, reading, and editing some more, Right Here, Waiting is finished. Other than the epilogue, which comes out next weekend, the story of Liliana and Taron has come to a close. I have had the best time with this story and I love that you have all loved it the way I have.

And I just want to throw an extra special thank you to the one and only @brayndilyn. Not only has she become a close friend this past year, she has also held me up at times when she didn't know I needed it. Without her and her dedication to this story, it wouldn't be half as good as what it is. She gave me knowledge on New York, and she's been the smut queen for me.

Word Count: 7.8k

Warnings: Smut, explicit language

May 20th, 2022

It was early evening by the time they drove into Fort William. Both Liliana and Taron were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep until the following day. They had been on the road for almost twelve hours, and they hadn’t slept much the night before. 

After spending so much time thinking about things that they could potentially do on their weekend excursion, it was nice that they were finally close enough to rest and spend a couple of days together just the two of them. They had nothing else to worry about except one another.

Taron had intended to surprise Liliana with the trip at the beginning of the month, but with conflicting work schedules and commitments that they couldn’t get out of, they weren’t both free at the same time until a couple of weeks later. He had planned for them to celebrate six months since they first reunited at the book launch. 

He also wanted to celebrate Liliana and her having handed in the first chapter of her second book. She had worked tirelessly to come up with a new concept, and had spent more time in meetings and at coffee shops writing than she had anything else. Taron wanted her to have a couple of days to relax and not have to think about anything.  

When he’d come up with the idea to surprise her with their first trip away as a couple, Taron had talked to his mum constantly trying to think of places to go for the weekend. It wasn’t until Liliana had suggested they head up to Edinburgh for the Christmas Markets that Taron thought of the Scottish Highlands. 

Liliana had spent some of the most pivotal years of her life in Scotland, but had never managed to take a trip to the Highlands like she’d always wanted to. She had mentioned to Taron that it was a place she would love to visit, so Taron knew that he’d found the perfect getaway for them. 

It also gave him the perfect excuse to introduce her to one of his favourite pastimes, weekends in the campervan where they could stop wherever they wanted to take in the views or have a break. 

He hadn’t wanted to tell Liliana about the trip until the day before they left, but when he’d left a tab open on his laptop on the one day that Liliana got home from work early and saw it a week before the trip, he had to tell her. Liliana couldn’t have been more excited if she tried. 

For days she researched things that they could do, and the best places to eat. They were only going to be in Scotland for three days but she wanted them to have options and to know where things were so that they didn’t have to spend much of their time looking for places to eat. 

The closer the trip got, the more Liliana’s excitement grew. She kept looking at photos of places where they could park the campervan and she would show Taron each of them. When she wasn’t looking at photos, she was looking up the best service stations that they could go to on the drive for bathroom breaks and to buy more snacks to get them through. 

On the morning that they left, Taron made sure that they had enough fuel to get them a decent way up the country and made all of the necessary checks to the campervan so that they knew they would be safe, and Liliana made them both a flask of coffee to help them stay awake on the journey. 

They left the flat at six thirty that morning but didn’t pull into the Morrisons car park in Fort William until almost six in the evening. Taron had hoped to get there a couple of hours earlier, but on their lunch stop, they ate and then decided to have a quick nap to refresh themselves for the afternoon stint of driving. 

The nap wasn’t enough to stop them from being exhausted when they got to Scotland. Liliana couldn’t imagine how much more tired Taron was than her, as he’d been the sole driver. Many of the stops had been so that he could stretch his legs and gain feeling in his bum that had gone numb multiple times. 

A little while before they got to Fort William, Liliana had compiled a list in her phone of things that they should buy to put them on for the weekend. Taron let her take charge in the shop, following her around as she put food in the trolley. 

‘So we’re only getting stuff for breakfast and lunch?’ Liliana asked as they got to the sausages. 

‘Yeah,’ Taron nodded. ‘I was thinking we could grab pizza on the way to our first stop tonight, and then tomorrow we could go to a pub or something. Then Sunday we’ll be on the way back so we’ll be getting food on the road.’ 

‘Fair enough. Do you have a gas cooker or something in the van?’ 

‘Yep. But the pans in the van are quite small.’ 

‘That’s fine.’ Liliana grabbed a pack of sausages from the fridge and started to head towards the bread section. ‘Sausage sandwiches for breakfast tomorrow? We could use the leftover sausages to make that hash that I cook and you love?’ 

Taron’s eyes lit up and he nodded dramatically. ‘We could have that for breakfast on Sunday before we set off home? That way we’ve got something hearty in us. There’s some spices and stuff already in the cupboard too.’ 

‘That sounds like a plan. I just need some tinned potatoes and a tin of beans then and that’s breakfast sorted.’ 

They continued around the shop getting bits that they would need, and a few extras that they could enjoy. Liliana grabbed some marshmallows and digestive biscuits. Having not had S’mores in years, she felt it only fitting that they have them at least once while they were away. 

While Liliana was looking at bottles of wine, Taron slyly put a bottle of Champagne in the trolley underneath the rest of the food. He knew that Liliana wouldn’t pay attention to anything that happened at the tills so she wouldn’t see it until he wanted her to.

Taron had already planned where they were going to stop that first night, and it was only a short drive to get there. Once they were a safe distance away from the side of the road, and in an area where it was legal to park overnight, Taron opened the back doors of the campervan so that they could eat while looking out at the River Lochy. 

Liliana grabbed two plates from the storage box and plated their pizza. The bottom of the pizza boxes were covered in grease from the pizza and she didn’t want them to stain the bed sheets. 

As they lounged on the bed eating, they enjoyed the gentle breeze that floated across the water and into the van. A few leaves that had fallen to the ground danced around in tiny swirls before they landed on the water and drifted to waters unknown.

Liliana rested her head against Taron’s shoulder once she’d finished her pizza, and Taron let his hand move to her knee where he squeezed it gently. 

‘Thank you for this, my love,’ she said softly as a leaf found its way into the campervan. 

‘You are more than welcome, Love Bug. What do you think? Should we make a campfire tonight? It’s still quite early and the sun will set soon so we’ll have plenty of time to relax and enjoy it?

‘I meant it that I wanted you to have this weekend to relax. I want us to be able to spend forty eight uninterrupted hours of us. You, me, the waters of Scotland, the campervan, sex. Lots and lots of sex.’  

Liliana let out a laugh before she leaned up to press her lips to Taron’s. His tongue ran along her bottom lip and she granted him access, twisting so that she could climb over him and straddle his lap. 

Taron chuckled into the kiss as his hands roamed down to grip onto Liliana’s bum. She gasped into his mouth and he swallowed it whole, leaning forward just enough that Liliana had to wrap her arms around his neck to hold herself upright. 

Pulling away just enough to rest her forehead against Taron, Liliana moved her hands to cup his neck softly. ‘A bonfire sounds good.’ 

‘All of that and all you got out of it was that a bonfire sounds good?’ Taron questioned with a guffaw that filled the camper. Liliana basked in the sound, and wished that she could listen to it on repeat for all of eternity. ‘Really?’ 

‘The sex sounds alright too, I guess.’ Liliana teased Taron and she knew it worked when he squeezed the flesh of her behind. ‘Forty eight uninterrupted hours of sex with you?’ 

Taron nodded against her before he pecked her lips three times in quick succession. ‘Who else would you be having sex with?’ 

‘Nobody as good as you.’ 

‘Fuck, Lil, where have you been hiding all this time?’ 

Taron tensed the second the words left his mouth. Liliana tensed at the same time and pulled away from him slightly. But she remained on his lap, looking at him with an intense concentration that left Taron concerned and curious. 

It had been a while since any conversation relating to the time where they weren’t talking had been brought up. They’d gotten into a good routine of being able to ignore it, but Taron knew that mentioning hiding would have Liliana reeling and her feelings all over the place. 

He looked at Liliana who looked back at him. She bit the inside of her mouth and took a deep breath before reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. Taron immediately leaned in to the touch and Liliana smiled at him a little. She had tears in her eyes and Taron wished for nothing more than to be able to reword everything. 

‘Lil, I’m so sorry.’ 

‘It’s fine,’ Liliana sniffled through a tiny smile. 

Taron shook his head firmly. ‘It’s not fine, Liliana. I should have thought about what I was saying more. I didn’t mean it like-’ 

‘I know you didn’t. That’s why it’s fine.’

A tear managed to escape down Liliana’s cheek despite her best efforts to stop herself from crying. Taron wiped it away as fast as he could, and Liliana shook her head at him gently. 

‘I worried that coming to Scotland would bring up a lot of old memories for me. That’s why I went really crazy about looking at things that we could do and eat. I didn’t want to have a moment to think back to being a teenager and everything.’ 

‘Oh shit,’ Taron sighed. He pulled Liliana into his arms and rocked her softly. In all of his haste to plan the perfect trip for them, he hadn’t even thought about what being back in Scotland could do to Liliana and how she would feel. ‘I didn’t even think about that. I am so sorry. Do you want to go back home?’ 

Liliana shook her head with as much firmness as Taron had previously. She curled into him a little tighter but tilted her head up so that she could look at him. Her hand was still on his cheek and she could feel his heart beating against hers. 

‘Don’t be sorry. I promise I’m okay. I’m a little embarrassed because I’m emotional and trying to hold back the tears, but they aren’t the kind of tears that I expected.’ 

Taron’s eyebrows wrinkled in the middle and Liliana rubbed them away with the pad of her thumb. ‘How so?’ 

‘I expected being here to make me feel like the person I was back then. I felt small and unseen. My entire world came crumbling down when I got on the train. But it wasn’t my world of being at home. It wasn’t because I was leaving my family behind. It was because I was leaving you behind. You were my world, and leaving you broke me. 

‘It took a lot of therapy time to come to terms with everything I went through, as I’ve told you before. I’m not going into that because this is our holiday and I’m trying really hard not to be a party pooper right now.’ 

‘You could do no such thing,’ Taron whispered. He kissed the top of Liliana’s head and her eyes fluttered closed for a short second. ‘I mean it, if you want to talk about everything that happened, then by all means tell me. If you’d rather not, then you don’t have to.’ 

Liliana took a moment to respond. She looked out at the river and allowed her breathing to sync up with the slow current. Everything she said here would be whisked away by the breeze and the water. The thought alone made her feel a little better. 

‘I always wondered what it would be like to have you in Edinburgh with me,’ she continued after she was sure she wouldn’t cry any more. ‘Or what it would be like if I hadn’t left when I did. The past few months have been amazing and it makes me wonder if we would have admitted our feelings earlier if we’d have been together.’ 

Taron’s chest rose and fell against Liliana’s cheek as he looked out over the water. The sun had started to set and filled the campervan with a beautiful orange glow. 

‘I don’t know,’ he answered truthfully. ‘I was so scared to confess how I felt back then that I potentially wouldn’t have said anything in pure terror that you’d have laughed in my face.’ 

‘I would never,’ Liliana said quickly. 

‘I know but I wasn’t much to look at back then, was I?’ 

‘Yes, you were.’ 

Taron laughed as though he didn’t believe a word she was saying, and Liliana twisted again so that she could look at him face to face.

‘You were the most gorgeous boy in our year,’ she told him truthfully, her hands moving to cup his cheeks. ‘I didn’t look at any other boy but you. Nothing has changed in that respect.’ 

She laughed to herself and leaned forward just enough to capture Taron’s lip with her own. 

‘Don’t flatter me like that, Love bug.’ 

‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’ Liliana smiled up at him and kissed him once more before moving to straddle him again. ‘You were, and continue to be, the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. And it’s not just your looks, because you are stunning beyond belief, it’s how whenever we’re in a room full of people, you’re always already looking at me when I glance at you.’ 

‘It’s the way you send me songs when they remind you of me. It’s the way that you pull me into a dance whenever there’s music playing and we’re out, or when we’re at home. It’s the fact that you’re my best friend. 

‘It’s you driving me around on a night time when I’ve had a shit day and just need to cry. It’s the way you caught me when I fell. The way you kiss me like your life depends on it. 

‘It’s you buying books I love and reading them just so that you can talk to me about them. I know you didn’t think I knew, but I knew, and I love it. But most of all, it’s the fact that I know you’re here to stay. After everything we’ve been through, I know that you’re not going to let go of me just as much as I’m not going to run away again. 

‘There’s no genuine evidence for thinking that. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen. We don’t know what’s going to happen two days from now, or two years. But I believe it anyway. I love you.’ 

Taron blinked back the tears that had filled his eyes. Liliana cupped his cheeks and wiped the ones that fell away as she leaned forward to kiss his lips. Taron sniffled quietly while he held Liliana impossibly close to his body. 

Her heart beat hard against his chest, and his eyes fluttered softly down at her. She looked at him with big eyes as she continued to wipe away his tears. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled against his ear. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry.’ 

‘They’re not sad tears.’ Taron sniffled again and moved Liliana so he could kiss her again. 

Her lips were soft against his and she granted him immediate access when he traced her lower lip with his tongue. Liliana ran her hands through the hair at the nape of Taron’s neck, and he roamed his hands down the length of her back until he cupped her bum again. 

Liliana moaned into his mouth and he chuckled softly, pulling her hips tightly over his. The response in his dick was almost instant, and Liliana ground against him on her own to try and get Taron to make the moans that had her weak at the knees. 

‘I can tell what you’re doing,’ he mumbled against her lips when he pulled away for breath. 

‘I am merely loving on my boyfriend,’ Liliana smirked, grinding her hips once more. Taron held her hips tightly to still her movements so that he could lean her backwards to lay on the bed. ‘I can tell what you’re doing, mister.’ 

‘Me? I am merely loving on my girlfriend.’ 

Liliana raised her eyebrows at Taron who simply winked at her before leaning to capture her lips once more. He was hard against Liliana’s core and she moaned into him when he moved their hips together. Taron loved the sounds that left her, and wished for nothing more than to be the one to make her moan that way for the rest of her life. 

‘Love on me all you want, T.’ 

‘Well if you insist.’ 

Liliana hadn’t realised just how small the campervan was until they attempted to undress one another in the space. Taron’s head hit the roof multiple times, and Liliana almost knocked over everything on the one shelf as she lifted her arms when Taron removed her top. 

In the end they decided against trying to be sensual and to just undress themselves to save from anymore injuries. They both laid on the bed and shimmied their bottoms and underwear off at the same time which made them both giggle like school kids. 

When they were naked, Taron tucked a piece of hair behind Liliana’s ear and let his fingers drift down her neck and to her collarbone where he leaned down to kiss. Liliana’s eyes closed shut and her hands found their way to Taron’s hair. She tugged it softly and Taron groaned delicately onto her skin. 

His lips planted kisses down her chest until he got to her breast. He let his tongue run around Liliana’s nipple before he sucked it into his mouth. Liliana moaned loudly and tugged his hair tighter. 

‘That feels so good,’ she whimpered when he took her other breast in his hand and pinched her nipple. ‘I need you, Taron.’ 

‘Patience, Love Bug. I want to take my time with you today. I haven’t had the chance to do that recently, and you deserve all of the love and care I can give you.’ 

Liliana peered down at him and protruded her lips into a small pout. Taron, used to her always begging for the end, was not deterred by her action.  

‘Not yet, sweet girl. Like I said, we have forty-eight uninterrupted hours of just us, and I am going to savour every single one of them.’ 

Taron continued his tour of Liliana’s body, kissing all of his favourite parts of her. Because that was all of her, it was a long, drawn out expedition that had Liliana moaning next to him. Taron loved every second of the journey, and he loved it more and more each day. 

By the time he got to the tops of her thighs, he was laid between her thighs and Liliana squirmed above him, but he took extra time licking and kissing her skin on his way to her centre. Though he never kissed exactly where she needed him to. 

He used one free hand to steady her squirming underneath him and the other to rub small, delicate circles into the thigh he wasn’t kissing and nipping. 

‘Taron, please. I need you, baby.’ Liliana begged Taron as the inferno grew hotter between her legs. She was desperate to feel the fullness of Taron inside her. It was her favourite feeling. 

‘I haven’t quite finished my worship of you. Now, if you please, stop squirming and let me continue this or I promise, it will take a lot longer than you’d like. I could do this all day.’ Taron looked up from between her thighs and grinned as though he were the devil. It was a sweet smile laced with desire and passion. 

‘You are such a tease, Egerton,’ Liliana whimpered above him. Her hands had found their way to his hair and she massaged his scalp, smirking to herself when he struggled to keep his eyes open. ‘But just know the next time I get my hands on you, you are getting the same treatment.’ 

She huffed in playful frustration before she pushed herself back into the covers to begrudgingly admit defeat. Taron only smirked at her with a wink so small it was almost unnoticeable. 

‘Oh, baby girl, I very much look forward to it.’ 

With Liliana still above him, Taron continued to kiss down her leg until he got to her ankle. The hand that had held her stomach trailed down her leg until he could squeeze her foot lovingly. Liliana sighed above him before tilting her head to look at him. 

Taron looked up at her through thick eyelashes and the sight was enough for Liliana to need to press her legs together to get some friction. But Taron stopped her, using his hand to anchor her legs apart. 

‘I don’t think so. You’re going to be a good girl and let me do this, or you don’t get to cum until I say you can.’ 

Liliana gulped as her eyes widened slightly. Her heart beat ten times faster in her chest as she looked at Taron. He watched her for a minute before he started to kiss back up her leg where he settled himself comfortably between them both. 

He held onto her thigh as he leaned down to press a kiss to her entrance. His nose brushed against her clit and Liliana’s legs jerked under him. Liliana’s hands gripped the covers by her side. The sensation sent her into overdrive and all the pent up emotion and teasing pushed her close to her release. 

Taron let his tongue run from her entrance to her clit where he licked and sucked at a pace that he thought would tease Liliana. But along with everything else she felt that night, it brought her orgasm on faster than she had been expecting. 

Liliana moaned above Taron and her hips lifted away from the mattress and into Taron’s face more. Taron grabbed onto her bum and held her in place as he continued to kiss and suck her core to help her ride the waves of her orgasm. 

He watched her chest rise and fall rapidly as she came down from the high, and he let his thumbs massage the sides of her thighs to help calm her down. 

When Liliana had come back down to earth finally, Taron moved himself up her body so that he could kiss her. Liliana tasted herself on his lips and her eyes fell closed. It was such an intimately erotic action and she couldn’t get enough. 

All of the teasing had affected Taron as well, and he was harder than he thought possible. He’d started to leak pre-cum and was getting increasingly uncomfortable the longer he waited to do the one thing he wanted to. His patience had worn thin and as he looked at Liliana, the desire was bright in his eyes. 

‘I’m not quite finished with you yet, Love Bug. Ready for another? Maybe two?’ 

Liliana nodded through a dazed look. ‘Always ready for you, my love.’ 

Taron lined himself up with Liliana’s entrance and let out a deep groan at the feeling that shot through his body. Liliana gripped the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss her again. He obliged and let his lips linger as he entered her. He pushed up into her so hard that the bed shifted and Liliana knocked her head on the metal wall that separated them from the cab. 

Liliana rubbed her head to ease the pain that formed while she let out a strained laugh. Taron’s eyes widened and he stilled inside her while he pulled his lips into his mouth. He tried to hold back a laugh while he placed his hand on top of Liliana’s. 

‘Are you okay?’ 

Liliana slapped Taron’s chest playfully. ‘You need to be more careful. There’s less room here than at home.’ 

‘You’re the one that jumped me in this tiny van.’

Liliana’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. ‘Piss off. You know that you’re the one who started this.’ 

‘Touché,’ Taron laughed softly, leaning down to kiss Liliana once, twice, three times. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ 

Liliana nodded. ‘Yeah. Please move, you’re killing me here.’ 

Taron pulled out of her until only the tip of his dick teased her entrance. 

‘T, what are you doing? Stop teasing me and get on with it already,’ Liliana whimpered. She was so riled up from one orgasm already that having the full feeling of Taron buried inside her being snatched away so quickly made her need for him even stronger. She clawed at his back to hold him close. ‘Please.’ 

Taron leaned in close to her ear, grabbed a fistful of her hair and tugged it slightly while growling, ‘I told you before, be a good girl for me…or I won’t let you cum until I say so.’ 

Liliana had seen Taron take control with her before and she loved it, but he had never been so dominant. She didn’t think it was possible considering how sweet he was, but it was making her even more soaked. No matter how much she tried to squeeze her legs around Taron, he used his hips to keep them apart. 

His eyes were a deeper shade of green when he pulled away from Liliana’s ear, and she looked at him with a shaky breath. ‘I’ll be good, T, please let me cum.’ 

‘We shall see,’ Taron said as he cocked an eyebrow and slammed back into her at the same time. 

To keep her in place, Taron grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them to the pillow next to her head while he thrust in and out of her. Not having control of her hands normally would have made Liliana uncomfortable, but with Taron she felt safe and it turned her on more than she cared to admit. 

‘Fuck, Taron, that feels so good,’ she moaned loudly. Taron kept his pace but thrust into her so hard that she could feel him in her stomach.

Taron moved his hands from her wrists and intertwined their fingers instead, kissing her with a ferocity that caught him off guard just as much as it did Liliana. He knew that he wanted to coax at least two more orgasms out of Liliana before he reached his own climax, so he slowed his pace slightly and reigned himself in so he could last longer for her. 

He could tell that Liliana was close to her second orgasm thanks to the constant stream of moans that Taron adored so much. Her walls clenched around him and he kept the pace as he leaned down to kiss her once. 

‘That’s a good girl. Now, cum for me, Lil.’ 

It was unusual for Liliana to orgasm from penetration alone, but Taron’s commands had her coming undone for a second time. This second one was stronger than the first. Their hands were still intertwined next to her head and all Liliana could do was absorb the pleasure. She let out multiple, noise defying moans with some expletives mixed in. 

While it was unlikely with how remote the area they were in was, Taron leaned down to swallow her moans with kisses just in case someone was around and could hear them. The back doors of the campervan were still open and a chill breeze drifted in and whispered against their clammy skin, but they were so caught up in each other that they couldn’t care less. 

‘That’s my gorgeous girl.’ Taron continued to thrust through Liliana’s orgasm so that she had no time to recover. Watching her come undone underneath him made his entire body ignite in a fire he hadn’t known before. ‘Keep going.’ 

‘I can’t,’ Liliana whimpered pitifully. ‘I can’t.’ 

‘You can,’ Taron nodded. ‘I know you’ve got it in you. You could let go at least four more times.’ 

Liliana shook her head. 

‘You can. I know you can. Just give me one more, baby girl. Gimme one more like the good girl you are.’ 

Holding himself at bay through two of Liliana’s orgasms was not an easy feat for Taron and he now became a man on a mission, keeping his thrusts at a constant pace. Liliana moved her legs up to wrap them around Taron’s waist to pull him in deeper and to keep her knees from hitting the side of the van. 

‘Feels so good, T. You make me feel so good.’ 

‘Fuck, yes, Lil, you feel amazing.’ Taron could feel himself getting close to his own climax and he knew that it wouldn’t take long for Liliana to fall into her third orgasm of the night. He moved one of his hands down between them where they met to rub circles on her clit, knowing that it was the fastest way to get her going. 

Liliana wrapped her arms around Taron’s neck and arched her back off the bed so that they were chest to chest. She could feel the pleasure building in her core as Taron continued to rub circles into her clit and she let herself fall into an abyss of pleasure, shouting out Taron’s name. Her orgasm squeezed Taron and his own orgasm washed over him. He emptied himself inside Liliana and rode out both of their orgasms with a few final thrusts. 

Completely spent, they both laid there for a few moments, their breaths heavy and their skin sweaty and sticky. After a few moments, Taron very carefully flipped them over so that Liliana was laying on his chest. 

Taron landed a playful slap on Liliana’s bum and praised her, ‘Good girl, you took me so well. Told you that you could give me another.’ Liliana’s wits were still too scrambled to form a coherent thought so she just let out a few moans and mumbles while she nodded into his chest. Taron chuckled and kissed the top of her head. 

They laid together in complete silence, just letting the soothing sounds of nature surround them. Liliana couldn’t help but notice how peaceful the moment felt. By all accounts, she should have felt incredibly shy. She just had three orgasms with the doors of the campervan open, while Taron commanded her and she enjoyed it. She had never known this side of her, but instead of feeling awkward, she only felt safe and loved. This was the life she was supposed to be living and it felt calm. 

After a few more moments of silence, Taron leaned his head up, ‘What do you say we just skip the bonfire tonight and get some sleep?’ 

‘We were going to have a bonfire? I thought you just wanted uninterrupted sex?’ Liliana looked up and winked at him as she said it. Taron chuckled softly and rubbed his hands up and down her back until Liliana drifted off to sleep in his arms. 

When Taron was sure that Liliana was fully asleep he moved her as gracefully as possible so he could get up and shut the campervan doors and close the curtains. Once that was done, he climbed back into the bed and pulled Liliana’s back to his chest and covered them both. She adjusted slightly and scooted her bum right up to his hips, but didn’t wake up. Taron shook his head to himself and whispered, ‘Sleep well, my love’ before drifting off himself. 

May 21st, 2022

Liliana woke to the sound of the rain that pelted against the roof of the campervan. She pulled the covers around her to keep out the chill that had made its way into the space despite the doors being closed and the curtains being drawn. Taron remained tucked tightly at Liliana’s back, and his light snores mixed with the rain lulled Liliana back to sleep. 

The rain had stopped by the time she woke up again. It was silent outside besides the rushing of water at a small stream that had formed off of the river, leading to the campervan. The silence was loud, and Liliana grabbed her phone in an effort to stop her mind from racing. 

She’d taken a series of photos the previous day of the drive through Scotland and she wanted to post them to Instagram, but before she could, she saw a post that stopped her in her tracks. 

In all of the excitement of getting to Fort William and spending time with Taron the previous day, she’d somehow forgotten that the new Harry Styles album had dropped and she’d missed it. For six weeks she had listened to As It Was on repeat and had done nothing but talk about her excitement for the full album. 

It was just past seven and Liliana knew that Taron wouldn’t be awake for another hour or so at least, and then the chances of him falling back to sleep were high, so she knew that she would have time to listen to the album the way she’d wanted to, song at a time with a short break between each one to really think about it.

When she opened Spotify to listen to the album, the rain started up again and created a gentle beat against the metal roof above her. The sound of the rain and the comfort of Taron being curled up into her back made for the perfect time to listen. 

Her earphones were in her bag and with Taron’s arms wrapped around her naked middle as tightly as they were, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get them to listen. So she turned her volume down even more on her phone before she pressed play on the first song. 

The opening notes of the first song had her hooked immediately. It was upbeat and fun, and by the time Harry belted out ‘You know I love you, babe’, Liliana had a huge grin plastered on her face. She thought about the man who slept so peacefully behind her, with his breath tickling the back of her neck, and how much she loved him. 

The second song took her back to the beginning of the year when they spent many a late night talking on the phone. When they weren’t on a phone call, they were texting or just sending photos to one another to describe their evenings. Liliana had loved every second of that time. 

‘Now you’re in my life / I can’t get you off my mind’ had Liliana reeling. Two lines of a song had never summed up how she felt so perfectly. She wondered how Harry had managed to inject everything she felt into the album, and she was only two songs into the album. 

The first few songs had her bobbing her head softly and wiggling her feet to the beats of the songs. When Liliana’s phone lit up with a text message notification from Evelyn, she did a double take at the title of the song that just started. 

Matilda. 

It took a matter of seconds for Liliana’s emotions to get too much for her and for tears to stream down her cheeks. By the end of the song, her entire body shook as she sobbed. She tried her best to calm her breathing so that she wouldn’t wake Taron, and she had to pause the album so that she didn’t miss anything while crying. 

Liliana couldn’t quite comprehend how one song could make her feel so many conflicting emotions. For a second she was tempted to wake Taron so that she could talk through it with him, but he got so little time away from work and was always the first person to comfort her so she let him sleep for a little longer. 

She played the song for a second time so that she could be sure she heard it properly the first time. The second listen made her cry even more. It was a song that spoke to her on a visceral level, and she was unsure how she would ever be the same again after hearing it. 

When Harry crooned ‘You can let it go / You can throw a party full of everyone you know / You can start a family who will always show you love / You don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own’, Liliana’s breath caught in her throat. 

Taron had gone above and beyond for her for so long, and it took until then for Liliana to know just how badly she needed everything he’d offered her. She finally took the time to acknowledge that she was ready to accept everything he offered her, no matter how scary it was. 

One of her favourite quotes from university pops into her mind. ‘It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go’. Listening to Harry tell her that she can let everything go made everything click into place. 

She’d spent so much of her life worrying that she’d been weak for leaving and running to Edinburgh. To Liliana, she had left the hard life to move on to a new life. But now she knew that wasn’t the case. It had taken strength to leave. 

Liliana stared at the curtains on the campervan. Tears still clouded her vision but she was a little more in control of her emotions by that point. She thought about everything that had happened with Taron, and what could still happen. 

Liliana was finally ready to open up completely. She wanted to start a new life with Taron, and to let all of the pain from her past go. The thought of being free from the guilt of leaving and not seeing Matilda made her shake a little in her spot. 

In the past few months, her relationship with Matilda had grown even more, and they were closer than ever. Liliana had bought Matilda her own phone so that she didn’t have to use Eliza’s to contact her, and they texted at least once a day, if not more. 

Liliana also accepted the fact that she could spend time without having to spend time near her mum too. The two weren’t mutually exclusive. Liliana could go to Wales and take Matilda out for the day. Eliza never had to be a part of her time with her sister. 

The final song in the album was yet another moment where Liliana stopped in her tracks, and her breath caught in her throat. Yet another song had Liliana wondering how Harry had managed to inject her life into it. 

‘Baby, you were the love of my life / Maybe, you don’t know it’s lost til you find it / It’s not what I wanted / To leave you behind / Don’t know where you’ll land when you fly / But baby, you were the love of my life’. 

Taron was the love of her life. They had only been dating for a couple of months, but everything from their past led Liliana to believe that she would never love anybody the way that she loved Taron. She hadn’t realised how much she loved him when she left for Edinburgh, until she was there. 

Now that she had him back, she wouldn’t let him go. Not if she could help it. Taron was everything Liliana had ever needed, and she was willing to do anything she could to show Taron that she wanted him and that she would love him with everything in her being. 

***

After an afternoon of hiking up Ben Nevis and an evening eating food in a local pub before they headed to their second stop off for the night, a bonfire by the water was just what Taron and Liliana needed to unwind. 

Liliana had listened to the album another two times during the day, once on her own when they were headed up a particularly difficult part of the mountain, and once with Taron. The entire time he listened to it, Taron looked at Liliana. 

He had just as many conflicting feelings as Liliana had the first time she’d listened. And when he heard Matilda for the first time, his shoulders dropped and he pulled Liliana into his body to hold her close. 

While they listened, he had whispered numerous times how much he loved her, and she’d reciprocated that love. It wouldn’t be the last time that they would listen to the album together. 

The heat from the bonfire warmed Liliana through to the bone as she looked over Loch Eil. It had grown chillier near the loch as the evening drew closed and nighttime ascended upon them. The moon shone bright in the sky and lit up the water’s surface with glitters of silver and white. 

It was silent except for the crickets in the hills across that surrounded them, and the breeze that still wrapped around the area as though it were a warm blanket. Liliana basked in the serenity she was bathed in while Taron added more sticks to the fire to keep it alight for a little longer. 

Liliana had grabbed blankets from the campervan that she and Taron could curl up in while they sat around the fire. She showed Taron how to make the best S’more and he ate so many that his stomach hurt. Liliana could only chuckle at him as she took another bite of her own with a huge grin on her face. 

‘Those are good,’ Taron smiled at her. He kissed her lips and then licked his clean from the melted marshmallow that had transferred. ‘I’m just going to go grab another drink. Do you want one?’ 

Liliana shook her head and held her mug up at him. ‘Still got some. Thank you though, babe.’ 

Taron nodded as he stood from his seat and walked over to the campervan. Rocks crunched under his feet with each step. Liliana watched as he went, and bit the inside of her cheek when he wiggled his butt at her. She tittered softly and turned back to the water as he climbed into the back of the camper. 

‘I’ve been thinking a lot about something,’ Taron said when he made his way back to Liliana a few seconds later. ‘I love you.’ 

‘I love you too,’ Liliana responded instantly. She never had to think about whether she loved him or not, it was just a fact. ‘But what’s got you thinking about that?’ 

Taron shook his head as he sat back down. He held his arm at the side of him and Liliana eyed it curiously. Taron ignored her glances and continued to talk. 

‘I’ve been thinking about us–don’t worry, nothing bad. It’s just…what you said yesterday really struck a chord. About me and how you just know that I’m here to stay? I realised I never answered anything you said.’ 

‘Yeah because you were too busy giving me three orgasms,’ Liliana mused. 

Taron smirked but quickly shook his head, ‘I could have made it four. Anyway, as I was saying, you are the best person I’ve ever known. You make me feel like the happiest version of me. And I honestly think that had it not been for our time apart, we wouldn’t be where we are now.’ 

Liliana smiled knowingly. ‘I know. I keep wondering what would have happened if I’d have stayed but I think we would have been stuck. I wouldn’t have admitted anything to you because I never would have gone through the things I did when I was in Edinburgh. I wouldn’t have gone to therapy and pieced everything together.’ 

‘I was so in love with you back then that I was scared I would have scared you away if I said anything. It took me losing you to realise how big of a pedestal I’d put you on back then. Not that I was wrong to, I mean, look at you.’ Taron paused to look Liliana up and down. Her cheeks grew a deeper shade of red and she pulled her lips into her mouth. ‘You are, and have always been, perfect. And you are by far the strongest person I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

‘When we listened to the album earlier, I listened and all I could think was, there’s this woman who has gone through more than I could ever comprehend and she’s still going. You’re so strong that you left and did what you needed to. Leaving made you stronger, and if I’m being honest, it made you an even better person. 

‘You’re no longer the person you were back then. You’re an adult who is whole. You know what you need in a person and I hope that I can be everything for you.’ 

‘You are,’ Liliana whispered as she wrapped her arms around one of Taron’s and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘You’re more than everything. Everything I’ve ever wanted and needed, you are.’ 

Taron beamed at her words and grabbed the champagne bottle that he had been hiding and popped the cork with a flourish. ‘I bought this yesterday to celebrate six months together and all of your achievements with the second book.’ He filled his cup and Liliana’s with champagne and raised it to toast her.

‘Cheers to you Liliana, and to us, I’m so glad that we found our way back to one another,’ Taron said sincerely. ‘You are the love of my life.’ 

Liliana kissed his shoulder and looked at him, ‘And you’re mine. Forever.’

#rhw #right here waiting #lilianaesme #taron egerton blurb #taron egerton x reader #taron egerton fluff #taron egerton #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton fic #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton fanfic #taron egerton writing #taron egerton smut #my writing

[wrienne]

State of the writing 2023!

Hi, everyone!

This is my post on the status of my writing, scheduling of posts and writing, which projects I've got ongoing, and what I intend to do in the nearest future and beyond. This can all be sorted into the following topics:

Posting Schedule

Current Projects and Workflow

My Future Plans (Writing Tips? Patreon? The Essence Thief Series?)

This will be a long-ass post, so I'll keep the most important thing, which is about the Posting Schedule, just up top.

1. Posting Schedule

Three Fridays in a row, I'll upload a chapter of my work, be it AHPH, DL, or my personal work. Then there will be a week without posting so that I can catch up on other stuff or take a break. This will be on a rotation.

AHPH: will be posted by the first Friday of the rotation until I finish DL, which is when I will dedicate both update slots for AHPH. AHPH has a very long story which I do not plan on finishing any soon. Who is your favorite hybrid so far?

DL: will be posted by the second Friday of the rotation. DL is actually reaching its end relatively soon, meaning a majority of the story has been posted already. Who is your favorite suspect?

Original work: will be posted by the third Friday of the rotation. I am either going to post here or on Wattpad. I've got so many projects I want to write about that I simply don't have time, or worse, procrastinate on all. I want to publish a book before the end of this year, however.

You can read more in detail about each project (and others in the works) in the next section.

To visualize the schedule: Week 1: AHPH Week 2: DL (until i finish it, then it will be AHPH) Week 3: Original work Week 4: Buffer

Now, this is not to say that there may be exceptions. Life happens, and I may miss a deadline. Or life also happens, and I post more than once. But I wanted to have some structure to it all so I don't leave anybody wondering if I am gone again or why I am not posting on the specific story.

For more clarity, I will configure some sort of progress bar/status on my page so that you can peek in at any time to see the progress of my work. I will also add dates for the expected updates!

2. Current Projects and Workflow

Currently, I can divide my work into two sections. Ao3 and my original work. As such, I will discuss them separately.

On Ao3, I have no plans currently of adding another story other than DL and AHPH. While I have considered and planned out a sequel for DL, I don't know if I can handle it currently. My research for DL, while extremely interesting, is also very morbid. And that sort of thing tears at your mind. Though, this is not to say never. I know a lot of you really enjoy AHPH, but surprisingly, most people say they love DL the most. So it might be subject to change.

AHPH has a different sort of setup than any of my other writing pieces. I'd consider it more like a TV series, with plenty of episodes you can look forward to and with no end quite in sight as of yet. I do have an idea for a larger, overarching story plot, but that won't be relevant for quite a while, and won't be essential to anyone just reading it for the easy fun.

Regarding my personal work, I have an insane amount of stuff I want to write. But to keep things relatively brief, I can disclose three series I plan for the future. I could give more of an in-depth explanation of these in another post if anybody's interested.

A Beauty and the Beast fantasy retelling with the roles reversed. It will be a trilogy, and it is currently the story I've gotten the farthest on. There will be fae, demons, and gods and spirits, but also geopolitical conflicts and court intrigue.

A historical/fantasy series set in the 14th century. I call this a "continental fantasy", because it has to do with discovering a new wild continent away from the known world. Will contain witches, telekinetic mages, and an ancient advanced civilization of godlike beings that disappeared mysteriously in the past. This is also something I started a year ago, and will be a many-part series.

A high fantasy series with an urban fantasy concept (?) is how I'd explain it. It's set in a multiverse where all the worlds are connected through ley lines, with all of them centering in this one city. It is possibly my most ambitious work, containing anything from the Seelie and Unseelie Court, the Wild Hunt, to vampires, elves and monsters. But it's also been my most giving as I've gone through worldbuilding and storyboarding with ease. It will also be a multi-part series, and I've already got a sequel series in the works.

I am currently in the process of trying my best not to write on all three and just stick to one story. Let me know if any of these stand out to you!

3. My Future Plans (Writing Tips? Patreon? The Essence Thief Series?)

So, what are my future plans?

I want to keep on posting on Ao3 and writing my own thing. I will obviously not be able to publish my Ao3 work, but since I dream of becoming an author, I will be spending the majority of my time and energy on that (and obviously my studies and mental and physical health), which I hope is understandable.

In order to branch out more as an author, I have also been considering getting out there on other media platforms! But this is something I have to get back to you with.

I wonder if there's anyone interested in learning more tips and tricks on how to write. I used to do a segment called Writing (Writer's?) Wednesdays, where I'd make a post on a storytelling aspect and describe how to plot a chapter, make characters, figure out ideas, how to world-build, etc. If that's something that you'd be interested in, let me know!

Another topic I have been considering is Patreon or Ko-fi. For a small fee, I'd offer the following:

The Essence Thief in eBook format

Exclusive posts of the AHPH crew (such as camping trips, birthdays, requests, and gratuitous NSFW) These would be canon but otherwise hard to include in the current flow I've got for AHPH.

Take writing requests of X amount of words for people

Early access view of all my writing (personal, Ao3)

Any other book I publish will also be available here weeks before the official release

Personal help and assistance with your writing

And more!

Obviously, times are incredibly rough for all of us, so this is just a suggestion! The main goal of the Patreon would be so I could write more.

Regarding The Essence Thief series, I am currently putting it on hiatus. It was not until a few days ago that I finally managed to free myself from the last of the negative influences that have been haunting me for many years. I can honestly say, that it's not until now, after 25 years of living, that I've felt somewhat liberated. Somewhat free. And right now, TEP reminds me too much of all the horror that's still lingering there at the periphery of my mind. I won't cancel TEP entirely, as I still feel like there will be a time when I can return to it, but as of now and in the nearest future, it is not part of my writing plan.

As always, thank you for reading!

#wrienne #SOTW2023 #update #announcement

[full---ofstarlight]

tagged by @sun-marie for this "people you'd like to know better" tag game! ty for the tag :3c

--

THREE SHIPS: 

resisting the urge to fill this with my oc x canon ships, sO:

Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist I recently finished a book where within the first few chapters, I looked up on the subway and put the book down and squinted, thinking to myself wait. Is this Royai fanfic? Turns out, it probably was! The author posted about finishing the manga back in 2019, the book came out in 2022 (I think) and was billed as Fullmetal Alchemist meets (Something I can’t remember). Anyway, Royai has my entire heart, because if there’s one trope that has a stronghold on me it is Dedicated Leader with a Mission x Their Unflinchingly Loyal Second-in-Command Who Will Literally Follow Them Into Hell. The mission comes first! They cannot admit their love to each other! They’re also childhood acquaintances????? An apprentice x master’s daughter????????? And atoning for war crimes?????????????????? AHhHHHHHhHHhHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Haymitch Abernathy x Effie Trinket from The Hunger Games: Listen. Listen. I’m rereading the series now and apparently what happens when you read them ten years later is that instead of having a big crush on Finnick and shipping Finnick x Annie, you notice that Haymitch is a fantastic smart, snarky, tortured character and Effie is way more resilient and clever than she lets herself on to be and IDK I JUST. Must resist the urge to write the events of the Main Trilogy, but oops Haymitch and Effie were secretly hooking up the whole time. I have stuff to do. I have other fic to write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leorio x Kurapika from Hunter x Hunter: At any given moment, they are constantly in the back of my mind. I have my bad HxH brainworms from 2021 to thank for getting me back into fic and tumblr fandom and I just pulled a 35K fic outta my ass in 2021 somehow and even though I'm not writing for them much anymore, I love them with my whole damn heart and I can summon that love with a snap of my fingers.

LAST FILM:

I had to watch a movie for work last week that is out this week and I really wanted to like it but it disappointed me SO MUCH. :’( 

CURRENTLY WATCHING:

I’m kicking off Season three of The Legend of Korra! I finally at long last watched ATLA this year (I KNOW I KNOW), and now I’m working my way through Korra. I’m also watching Spice and Wolf and the new seasons of JJK and Spy x Family. 

CURRENTLY READING:

I am rereading the Hunger Games trilogy! I also checked out three new books from the library and I'm torn on which one I should bring on Thanksgiving vacation (it's an Agatha Christie, a dark contemporary fantasy, and a witchy rom-com). Might go with the Christie since it is the Lightest (like, physically).

CURRENTLY CONSUMING:

Chunky Monkey Ice Cream <3 (I have a pint in the fridge that my husband specifically got just for me since he's allergic to banana)

Ibuprofen for my sore shoulder :(

Coral Island

CURRENTLY CRAVING

A vacation that doesn't involve traveling to two different large Thanksgiving celebrations

A massage for said sore shoulder

A cup of tea (this one, at least, can easily be fixed)

--

taggingggg @theladysarmor @kelofmindelan @maryxoliver @rowingtherubicon @cynda-queer @gwaindrifter @birbycakes @n7viper @gwynbleidd and uhhh anyone who wants to do this!!!!! i will read your thing!

#will i catch up on my tag games #maybe so #you know its been a busy work couple weeks when im behind on my tag games lmao <3 #tama tags

[foundress0fnothing]

Chapter 2 of "more thicker than forget" is here, featuring an awkward reunion, a lot of academic worldbuilding, and a tentative truce between our favs.

I thought this fic would be a two-shot, but as I got further into the story, I realized that some of the scenes I had planned needed more time/deserved their own chapters, so the expected chapter count is now 5 as Eris and Azriel re-meet each other after 5 years apart. This chapter is relatively short, but the next ones should allow our two more time to interact and come to terms with each other. I don't have an upload schedule for the other 3 parts yet, but expect them soon--I'm starting a new writing project sometime in July and want to have this story finished before I move on.

Read here on AO3, or continue below the cut.

5 Years Later—Eris

Late August

Eris checked the time on his office computer, sighed, and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes briefly. He only had a few moments alone before he had to pull himself together to greet the visiting scholar Prythian was hosting for the semester.

Or—to be more accurate—the visiting scholar he was hosting for the semester.

Thankfully this would be the last time he’d ever have to do something like this—in two months, he would finally, finally have tenure, not just be on a tenure track, and he could slow down—could stop working so hard to have a new publication every other month, could stop worrying so much about what students wrote on their course evaluations, could stop having to volunteer for every little thing the department needed, all to prove that he was—how did they put it?—“an asset to both the department and the university at large” and worthy of tenure.

Helping visiting scholars like the one coming that day was one of the volunteering responsibilities that he had taken on. The weeks or months spent playing host were typically monetarily and intellectually thankless time sucks, but they at least earned him a fair amount of good will—the senior scholars in the department were more than willing to pawn off the visiting researchers and the responsibility of making them comfortable to an underling whenever possible. And it’s not like the work was particularly hard at this point: Eris took them out for drinks, made polite small talk about whatever their niche research was, helped get them set up in their office and hotel, and was on-call to answer any question about university bureaucracy that might come up during their time on campus. Easy, distant, and—typically—quite dull.

At least this final scholar actually promised to be interesting. Eris couldn’t remember the man’s name—the department had certainly told him when he agreed to help him settle in, and he was sure there was an email buried somewhere in his inbox that would have the man’s CV and relevant publication information—but he remembered enough for their meeting today. 

He was another modernist, albeit an independent scholar, working on an accessible reading guide to Finnegans Wake (a pointless task, Eris thought, not that anyone had asked him—no one tried to read the book except for the most dedicated Joyce scholars, and even then, it was more of a curiosity than a work of serious literary merit. It was just too strange—he first read the book one summer as an undergrad and felt drunk for a week after). Apparently, the project was in its final stages, and since Prythian housed the largest collection of Joyce’s letters and drafts, the scholar had requested a visiting position to have access to the archive. He and Eris would be co-teaching an undergrad survey class on Joyce as well, thus necessitating their meeting today—who would lecture when, what they would ask the students to read versus what the students would actually read, how harshly they wanted to grade essays—all the usual logistical nonsense that came with teaching a class. 

At the sound of a soft knock on his office door, Eris snapped his eyes open and shrugged his blazer back on, the tweed slightly itchy at the back of his neck where the jacket rose over the collar of his shirt. As settled as could hope to be, Eris called out, “Come in.”

“Dr. Vanserra!” Thesan Aubade, the department chair, greeted him as he opened the door and stepped into the cramped space. The office was clean, and as elegantly outfitted as an 8 by 8 cell could hope to be, but Eris was victim to the occupational hazard that befell anyone making a living off of their words: every spare foot of space was devoted to books, each wall lined with overflowing shelves that intruded into the already too-small room. There was room for his desk and a single chair for students coming in for office hours, but not much else. “I come bearing your charge for the semester, Dr. Azriel Moreno.”

Eris took a moment to study the man who followed Thesan into the room. He looked vaguely familiar, tall and broad and with an unfairly beautiful face framed by rounded tortoiseshell glasses, wearing a white oxford tucked into black jeans with a black blazer over top. Eris had probably seen him on the conference circuit at some point over the last few years, but at this point, the names and faces of the minor scholars who attended those blurred together. Deciding that it wasn't anything worth worrying about, he smiled and said, “It’s good to meet you, Dr. Moreno. I look forward to working with you this semester.”

The man held Eris’ gaze for a beat too long, not offering a greeting in return, his hazel eyes boring into Eris’ own before he slowly raised a brow as if in challenge. 

Before Eris could start to make sense of the man’s expression and the odd hostility it conveyed, Thesan cut in. “Facilities couldn’t find him a space in the building with the construction in the east wing, but I assured Dr. Moreno that you would be more than happy to share your office space for the semester.”

Eris blinked at Thesan, who had the gall to meet his confused expression with only a bland smile. “Is that so?” Eris said slowly, biting his tongue before he said anything ruder. Because god, it was just like Thesan to spring this on him here, in front of the scholar, rather than giving him time to argue or plan or figure out literally any better solution than cramming two people into the same small working space.

Moreno, however, simply smiled at Thesan. “I’m sure Dr. Vanserra and I can make it work. Who knows?” He said, cutting his eyes over at Eris again. “Perhaps we’ll find we enjoy such close quarters.”

Eris almost rolled his eyes at that bullshit, ingratiating answer, which would have wrecked the image of careful control he had cultivated over the last five years of dealing with departmental politics. Thesan, though, pleased that he wouldn’t have to do any mollifying, clapped his hands and started moving toward the door. “Well, that’s excellent. I’ll leave you to it, then. Can’t wait to hear what you plan for the Joyce class.”

There was a beat of silence in the wake of his departure as Eris stared after Thesan’s retreating form, silently seething as he imagined the intrusion that Moreno’s presence would present to his routine: a person in his space and in his business, for whom he’d be expected to give up his desk and his peace of mind whenever the other man decided he needed it, nevermind how snowed under Eris was with trying to keep up with teaching responsibilities and research and preparations for his tenure review. 

And that wasn’t even taking into account that the man himself was apparently going to be insufferable—oddly standoffish with colleagues like Eris, irritatingly sycophantic with higher-ups like Thesan. Any enthusiasm he might have felt about working with Moreno this semester was rapidly draining away.

Still, he had a job to do, but Eris was not about to tackle the rest of the day sober. “There’s a bar a few blocks away that the undergrads haven’t discovered yet. Why don’t we do this over a drink?”

Eris saw something flash briefly over Moreno’s face—again, that strange, brief hesitation—before he said simply, “Lead the way.”

A few minutes later, they had settled into a booth with their drinks, both men slightly sweaty from the walk to the bar through Prythian’s late summer humidity. Their conversation on the walk over had been stilted: Eris made some innocuous comment about the weather and Moreno agreed brusquely that, yes, it was quite hot; Eris asked after the general details of Moreno’s travel to Prythian and Moreno informed him that it was “fine;” Eris asked after the details of his research project and Moreno told him that it was “almost finished.” And that was it. 

Perhaps the man was just awkward, Eris mused as Moreno raised his pint glass to his lips to take a sip while staring at the street outside of the bar, just someone who never mastered the politicking and the small talk and the conversations that came with academia. It would explain why he wasn’t at a university, at any rate. 

Even so, he didn’t relish the thought of spending any more time with him here than he had to—sharing an office and a class with Moreno all semester would be enough of a headache and, if the walk over was any indication, this meeting would be much the same, with Eris carrying the discussion about semester logistics while the other man grunted agreement instead of offering real answers and insights like an actual person. He sighed internally— only two more months until tenure . 

Pulling out his laptop, he said, “So. The Joyce class. I figured we’d alternate lectures rather than splitting them, and I’ve made a tentative weekly lecture and reading breakdown. What’s your email? I’ll send this to you to review.” 

Turning back to Eris, Moreno looked at him blankly for a moment, apparently not quite ready to jump into the work of the meeting, and Eris resisted the urge to sigh and scold him like he was a distracted undergrad broodily gazing out of a window.

“Of course,” Moreno said, shaking himself slightly and pulling out his phone. “Email is [email protected].” 

As Eris typed in the email, he noticed that Moreno began to roll up the sleeves of this shirt, the sunlight streaming into the bar having made even the indoor space uncomfortably warm. 

And then—fuck .

Because the man had tattoos across his forearms, intricately swirled and somehow elegant in their brutality, and Eris had only seen tattoos like those once before—years ago, at another bar, in what felt like another lifetime—and he realized why the man had seemed so familiar back in his— their —office.

Eris dragged his eyes away from the man’s arms only to find Moreno studying him. With a smirk, Moreno asked, “It was the tattoos then?”

Eris felt his mouth go dry as he remembered the last time he was with this man, was with Azriel Moreno. He was high on his job offer and cool and articulate and utterly in control. But now? Now, he could only rasp out, “They made an impression.”

Moreno barked a mirthless laugh at that. “I suppose they did.”

Silence stretched between the two men after that for a few beats as Eris, caught wrong-footed, scrambled for something to say to salvage the meeting, hoping desperately that Moreno wasn’t petty enough to say something to Thesan about the disaster this was becoming.

To Eris’ surprise, however, Moreno was the one to break the tension. “Look, Vanserra, I’m here to continue my research and finish my book and teach this class. Nothing more. I haven’t been with a university in five years, and I just want this to be simple and professional and uncomplicated.”

Eris hoped his relief didn’t show too clearly on his face. “I think we can manage that.”

“Good.” With that, Moreno turned his attention back to his phone, pulling up the email from Eris and skimming through the document. “I have some thoughts.”

#azris #azris fanfiction #academia au #five years later #one bed trope? NAH one desk trope

[e-s-willswriting]

2024 Weekly Writing Tracker

New Year, New Me, New Writer. (And a new phone).

I feel like last year, mainly on account of finishing university and some other commitments, I wasn't fully disciplined on my writing craft than I could be. This year I've got no excuse. This is it, the year I fully commit to my craft. I will actually finish things this year.

And I find an actual use for this blog.

I'm very determined not to let this resolution just be a typical sort of New Year's Resolution that I'll abandon quickly, so I've spent time doing some brainstorming and even maths to figure out how to make this work for me. And for the sake of accountability, I'll also start making weekly round-up posts to track how each week went and post segments I'm particularly proud of.

WRITING GOALS:

Current Main Writing Project: The Crypt Archives Book 1.

Writing Deadline: I've calculated that if I use the average novel size of 90000 words, what I've currently produced is 25.9% of the way through the draft (a quarter of a novel!). If I am able to produce 1000 words per day (not accounting for days where I might write more than that) it will take me roughly 68 days of continued effort for me to have a finished draft (and they say only 30 is enough to build a habit).

Therefore my deadline for a full or near complete draft of The Crypt Archives Book 1 will be March 10th 2024 (Mother's Day).

Writing Daily Goal: 100 words absolute minimum, 2 pages main goal (roughly 1000 words). Somewhere around 25 mins to 1 hour daily dedicated writing session.

READING GOALS:

Reading Daily Goal: 1 page absolute minimum. Chapter ideal goal (varies per book). Probably bedtime reading or pre-writing session. Weekday evenings will probably be structured as Writing, Gaming, Reading for example.

Reading Yearly Goal: 12 Books (1 per month. Achievable, I'll very likely go way over, but it's better to have realistic goals and I'm mainly focusing on building the habit over hitting X amount of books).

Reading mini-goals (aka. what I want to get out of reading):

Read more short stories.

Horror

Crime novels (I will finally read Agatha Christie)

Learning new words (Will write down words I don't understand and look them up afterwards).

Other notes (aka. methods how I intend to build discipline):

Keeping a writing diary

Habit-tracking visual aid in aforementioned diary.

This weekly round-up post (likely overview of weekly goals hit, things learnt/observations and samples of writing).

Will attempt to keep up Storygraph account for visual tracking of reading.

Microsoft Word as main software (for portability reasons).

Daily Reward: Gaming sessions. Larger rewards for 50% completion and hitting the deadline reward.

I would like to write more short stories too but fitting it in alongside a main novel project might be hard. I do want to look up writing competitions to see if there's any with deadlines that I can send some work off for.

I'd like to do weekly exercising too to account for a largely sedentary lifestyle (I used to walk to work but I can only do it when it's bright out). I'd like to aim to go swimming at the weekends with my partner.

That's everything for now. Hopefully this will be quite fun and might be a good resource for people. I'm really interested in breaking things down into core components so this might be good for me.

Bonus: page 1 writing tracker :)

#writeblr #writer #writing blog #writers on tumblr #writing #books and reading

[six-of-ravens]

vague list of goals for the new year:

made a list of reading goals on the book blog but overall they kinda boil down to "have fun and also maybe reread these 3 series." no numerical goals this year cause I wanna just enjoy books lmao

try and be REALLY GOOD about budgeting this year. unclear if things will get easier or harder economically, if I'll be able to keep my apartment or not, but I want to develop just the tiniest bit of restraint and self-control so I'm not causing myself additional stress by making stupid decisions.

try and be healthier in ways that I think will actually improve my life. so like, exercise more so I don't feel like a shrivelled pain pretzel and to improve my stamina and strength so I can do hikes without being drained for like a week after (also can I get a liiiiittle buff? just a little?). try to wear my nightguard more regularly so my teeth stop deteriorating at such an alarming (and expensive) rate (even though it's uncomfortable and will take time to get used to sleeping with). eat more fruit and leafy greens. start moisturizing and drinking more water so my skin doesn't feel awful.

on that note, would love to start my exercise bike + reading routine again as it's a good way to decompress after work and also gives me dedicated Reading Time each day that's not my questionably long/undisrupted lunch break.

try to improve my mental health by pushing back against the negative self-talk more, man I can be a real cunt to myself and sometimes it literally feels like there's a two year old tantruming in my head. also try and take work less personally. like I'll still care about it but try not to get so very upset at things lol.

try and get better at cleaning things up as I make messes (ie. doing the dishes every day or at least putting them in the dishwasher) so I don't feel like I have to dedicate a whole day of the weekend to cleaning.

try and do at least 3 courses relating to skills I want to improve. I have Maggie Stiefvater's novel writing course that I got during Black Friday, but also might look up Masterclass or something similar and see if there's anything cheap or free on there for writing or cooking or maybe something else I haven't discovered yet.

try and do more crafty hobbies that I've been neglecting, like knitting or embroidery or something. I have the supplies I just never *do* any of them.

try and watch at least 1 movie or show (episode , not a whole season) a week that's either a) new or b) I haven't watched in the past 3 years. also try and catch up so s15 of spn in time for November 5th lmao. this is a good time to ALSO do handcrafts as spn is occasionally painful to pay too much attention to.

try and dedicate at least half an hour a day to writing - even if I don't write, at least spend some time thinking about the story in a productive way. would really like to finish a draft of North this year, like, finish my current rewrite, edit it, and feel like someone else could read it.

try and resurrect this idea I had in 2019 to do 1 interesting thing per month. like, go to the theatre, movies, a museum, to a new restaurant or bar, the science center, zoo, or even for a hike in a new place or road trip. doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, just something to get me out of my comfort zone a little.

#as usual trying to be vague and not make too many concrete goals lol #any progress is progress! #im sure there are vague thoughts ive had on other things that ive also forgotten lmao