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gh0stsp1d3r · 2 days

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ℳ𝒶𝓎𝒷𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝒾𝓈𝓉ℯ𝓇

Part 2, chapter 6- eviction notice

Series masterlist

Warnings- This one’s a lot more jj centered, but some rafe and reader moments (: two exes still pining for each other Is my favorite

Summary: you’re finally back home, the pogues missed you and Rafe can’t get over you

A knock on the door interrupted your nightly routine, you sighed, standing up and opening the door.

“Hi.” You said, a little shocked at Rafe’s appearance this late.

“Okay, so…” he pushed past you, sitting down on the bed, next to you. “we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“You mean… back to Kildare?” You asked him.

He nodded. “I- I already asked if you could use a phone, but, my dad doesn’t really trust you right now. But… I can…” he sighed. “I can see if I can try and email one of them or something.“

You nodded at him. He stood up, going to the door before you called his name.

“Rafe.”

“Yeah?” He turned to look at you.

“Thank you.”

A million thoughts ran through his mind as he walked back home. When he got there, he saw yellow tape on the door, along with an eviction notice. Going up with furrowed eyebrows, he held back tears.

“What?” He mumbled, confused. You told him that you were paying for it, that you were just staying at Ricky’s because you couldn’t bear to be at the house. Not because you lost it.

He looked on the back when he saw some marker bleed through, you had written on it.

“I’m sorry, JJ.” You scrawled out on it, he saw some tear stains on the paper as well. With a small sigh, tears threatening to spill, he entered through the window, grabbing the pills from the counter, sitting on the couch, and throwing them.

He ran his hands over his face, beginning to cry into them while taking a sip of the beer his dad had left.

He was outside, fixing his bike with Kiara came up behind.

“Eviction notice. For like, non payment or whatever. My sister didn’t even tell me.” He stood up, facing her now. He sighed, looking back at the house.

“Doesn’t matter. This place sucks anyway. Great to be back in the outer banks, right?”

“So get this. I uh, had an email waiting for me when I got home. John B actually found Big John. He’s alive..”

JJ paused, turning his head to Kiara now.

“Seriously?”

Kiara nodded. “Yeah. He’s at the Chateau.”

JJ smiled, standing up again. “Damn.”

“Yeah, he thinks we’re close to the same treasure Singh was talking about.”

JJ nodded, sniffling as he grabbed a towel.

“Hey, look. My parents didn’t even wanna let me out of the house. But I told them I had to come check on you.”

“Well, it’s not me you have to worry about.” He exhaled.

“JayJ, what’s up? Is it something Pope said? I know he’s not all obsessed about what happened between me and him. We’re both past that, but something’s bugging you. And it’s not just your sister.”

“It was just weird, what almost happened on the boat with us. It was just weird.” He said, inhaling.

“Yeah, Yeah, I mean it was… it was weird for me too, but… not bad weird.”

“No. Not bad weird.” He came closer to her, the both of them staring at each other.

“What are we doing?” He asked, heart picking up. “What are we doing? We shouldn’t be doing this, nah.” He repeated, moving his face away from hers, walking away. “We shouldn’t do that.”

“Yeah..”

“We shouldn’t!”

“If you say so.”

“I mean, it would like all blow up anyway. You know? Like…” he panted. “Look at you. You got your new threads on, look at me what do I got? This?” He pointed to the house. “This piece of shit?!” He picked up a rock, throwing it at the house.

“Getting kicked out of this place in like a week anyways. Shit, I don’t got parents right now, or my sister. Why would you care? Why would you care? I’m just some loser that- that-“ he stuttered.

“jj…”

“You don’t do care.”

“I do-“

“No, you don’t!”

“I do care!” She argued.

“No, you got parents that live in figure 8, you know? You know… you…”

“That’s not my fault.”

“That’s your future. You got that.” He walked away again, his hands on the back of his head.

“Look if you need us, we’re gonna help you. I’m… I’ll help.”

“It’s that right there! Okay? Like- it’s so easy for you to say that. You know why? Because you’re a kook. You’re a kook, Kiara!”

She nodded, looking down. “Yeah, I’m a kook. I was such a kook when I was living in a cave with you for a month. Soaking in the kook life.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. God!” He threw on his hat, getting on his bike, and starting the engine.

“JayJ, don’t leave.”

He didn’t listen, just ran away. The only thing he knew how to do.

On the dock, he paced, staring out, even breaking it and throwing things down, kicking and throwing shit.

He paused, looking over you sleeping for a moment. You looked peaceful. He missed this. He would do anything if it meant he could have you so peaceful like that with him again.

It would take time, though. Even Rafe knew that.

“Rise and shine,” Rafe spoke, hitting your shoulder to wake you up.

You mumbled something incoherently, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and sitting up with a yawn.

When you opened your eyes, you had a small smile at the sight of the island. Finally.

His eyes were set on you, while you looked out at the island.

When you got to Tannyhill, you helped Rafe with the boat and went up the dock.

Rafe lead you to to the front, both of you standing in front of each other now.

“Thanks, again.” You told him, staring into his baby blue eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved it off.

“You know, Rafe, you could be a really good man when you try.” You told him when you began to walk away.

He rolled his eyes, a small smile gracing his features when you turned. “Whatever.”

But when you left, you spotted Sarah leaving as well.

“Sarah?” You questioned, making her turn to you.

She said your name, her tone confused and shocked.

“Holy shit, y/n?!” Kiara practically shouted when you came up on the boat with Sarah. You smiled at her, and she came up and embraced you.

“Hey, Kie.” You said with a laugh,

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to push you off-“

“It’s fine. I know.” You shrugged.

“I went to go grab some clothes and a phone, and I found her, but…”

“Rafe is back.” You finished her sentence.”And the cross is coming back. To Wilmington tomorrow night. I heard him on the phone yesterday.”

“And I heard him not that long ago.”

“What?” She looked at Sarah and back at you.

“I was gonna tell Pope at the Chateau.”

“He can’t. He’s on lockdown.”

“Okay, um… then.. I’ll hit up Pope, and then maybe you go to the Chateau and tell John B. And JJ?”

Kiara swallowed at that.

“Wait, is he.. at the chateau?” You asked them.

Kiara shrugged. “I don’t know. He blew up on me earlier. He… uh.. was at the house.”

“Shit..” you murmured.

JJ pulled up to the Chateau, whistling for John B. You stood up, Kiara was inside, not wanting to intrude on you two.

“JJ.” You spoke quietly.

He turned around at the sound of your voice. He whispered your name, repeating it louder now as he came up to you.

He wrapped his arms around you, tears falling down his face.

“Holy shit. You’re- you’re-“

“Yeah.” You laughed, tears falling down your own face now.

“You didn’t tell me we got evicted. I would- I would have helped..” he told you, looking at your face now.

“I didn’t want you to. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” You shook your head feverishly. “I’m saving up for a better house, now.”

He smiled and shook his head again.

“I missed you so much, dude.” He said, pulling you in for another hug.

Kiara came out, waiting. He turned to Kiara now, clearing his throat and wiping his tears.

“Is uh… John B not here?” He asked with a sigh.

“Nope.”

Kiara cleared her throat, cutting through the awkward silence.

“What’s up?”

“Uh, Rafes what’s up.” Kiara spoke.

“He’s back on the island, JJ.” You continued her sentence. “He said he’s staying for a little, for business or some shit.”

“Spectacular.” He said sarcastically.

“It’s not just that. I overheard him saying the cross is coming into Wilmington tomorrow. Wards trying to sell it.” You said.

“Great. Does Pope know?”

“Yeah. Sarah went to tell him. He’s locked down.” Kiara told him. “And I guess John B and his dad went and got the Twinkie. They’re off to God knows where.” Kiara handed him the envelope.

“Yeah, of course. Just when we need them.” He threw his hands up, staring out into the water.

“Wait, hold on though.” He stopped, turning to you both now. “We know where the cross is gonna be. That means it’s still on the field. Okay, alright. So we can come in and swoop, we’re still in this. We gotta get everybody together, then we’ll come up with a plan. Get our asses to Wilmington.”

Kiara looked at you. You urged her as he walked away.

“Hey, hey, JJ, before we can formulate some crazy plan, can we talk?” Kiara spoke, catching up to him.

JJ took a deep breath, talking was never really his thing.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can talk.”

“Something almost happened. Between us on the boat.”

“Mmm-hmm..”

“And I know that’s got to freak you out. It caught me off guard too. And I know, your whole life, I know you freak when people get close, and I get it. I don’t blame you.”

He looked away, because he knew she was right.

“Just please don’t ever say that I don’t care about you. And you called me a kook…”

“Okay, well, hold on-“ he started.

“Which is lame.”

“I know. That was lame..”

“It was uncalled for. Yeah, it’s a low blow.”

“All right, Kie. Look, Kie,” he put his hands on her shoulders. “You’re right. I flipped. You know how I be. Just uh.. just… look. We should just… just call it a truce. Just.. etch a sketch it. Clean slate. Truce?”

“Truce.” She held her hand out.

“So, how we gonna jack this cross?” You came up to them suddenly, both of them jumping at you.

“Jesus! You just got back and you’re already trying to give me a heart attack?”

don’t like this chapter too much ugh

Tag list:

@cassie0sstuff @rafesgiirl @fals3-g0d @tiaamberxx @callsignwidow @saintnourah

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe fluff #rafe x you #rafe fanfiction #obx series #jj obx #obx rafe cameron #rafe obx #obx x reader #obx fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron series #rafe x reader #drew starkey x reader #dre

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mammonsrockstargf · 23 hours

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Hey, i was wondering if you took angsty fluff requests. If so, i was wondering if you could do obey me lucifer with a teen reader who got diagnosed with degenerative arthritis in the back. I recently got diagnosed with it and wanted to request something while im stuck in bed for the next couple days lol. Its oke if you cant tho.

Hi, love, hope you're doing alright <3 Here's some soft Lucy for you. Obviously, I do not know what it's like for you but I did some research and I hope you like it! :D

It's evening when you knock on Lucifer's door. "Come in," he says and you gingerly do, looking at him from the door.

"My back hurts and I can't sleep," you say and Lucifer beckons you closer. "I have some painkillers somewhere around here," he says, shuffling around in his desk drawer. "Why do you have painkillers?" you mumble, sitting down at the edge of his desk. "For you, of course," he says as you get comfortable, your feet no longer touching the ground. He says a small "aha" as he finds what he's looking for and hands you the painkillers. Before you can even ask, he hands you a water bottle and watches as you swallow the pills. "Better?" he asks and you nod. "Yeah, thanks," you say while fiddling with your hands in your lap.

"What's wrong?" he asks and you sigh. "Nothing," you say and Lucifer frowns. You look up and purse your lips, crossing your arms. "Fineeee," you say. "I'm just scared I'll be like this forever," you say. "What if I never get better?" you murmur. Lucifer takes your hand in his own and gives it a soft squeeze.

"You're going through something very tough right now," he says softly. "It will not be easy, but you will get through it all right? You are not alone in this. Lean on me, lean on my brothers," he says and you sniffle. He stands up from his chair and pulls you into a hug, pressing a soft kiss into your hair. "We'll take it one day at a time, yeah?"

—

You stop when you drop your pen, looking down at it. "You gonna pick that up?" Lucifer asks standing next to you, looking at the pen as well. You nod slowly, unable to tear your eyes from the pen. "Yeah, I'll pick it up right in a second or two," you say, but you wince when you feel a sharp sting in your back. "Or maybe I'll just leave it there, who needs a pen anyways," you say and laugh bitterly. Lucifer scoffs and picks up the pen for you, handing it to you. "Don't be silly, you can't just leave a perfectly good pen behind," he jokes and you give him a pointed look, taking the pen. "Thanks," you say and he smiles at you, before heading out of the room.

The next time you open your pencil case in class, there are at least twenty pencils in there, that you're certain come from Lucifer. You're definitely not running out of pens at this rate.

—

You whine when your blanket is pulled at and cling to it like a cat. "Leave me alone!" you say and Lucifer grumbles, letting go of your precious blanket. He says your name in a sharp tone and you open your eyes, glaring at him.

"You have school,"

"I. don't. care."

You have a staring contest for a while, which you essentially lose because demons barely blink.

"Why won't you go?" Lucifer finally asks but his tone is stern and mean. You frown at him some more, for good measure. "Everything hurts, I hate it here," you say and turn to your side, before immediately making a noise of pain and turning back. "If I could I would turn my back to you, but this is the only comfortable position for me to lay in," you say and the corners of Lucifer's lips turn slightly upwards.

"What can I do for you?" he asks and you roll your eyes. "Well, for starters you can let me skip school," you say.

"Okay,"

"And some painkillers would be nice,"

"Got it,"

"Also a heating pad,"

"I can get that for you,"

"..."

You look at Lucifer. He looks back.

"And some chocolate,"

"Deal."

—

"Everything hurts, Lucy, I can't walk," you complain, stopping in the middle of the street and crossing your arms. Lucifer stops and his eyes narrow at you. "You were walking perfectly fine a few minutes ago," he states and you roll your eyes. "Yes and now I'm telling you, my joints hurt," you say and a deep sigh leaves Lucifer. He pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"All right," he says. "I guess it can't be helped."

Lucifer kneels in front of you, with his back turned towards you. You stare at the back of his head for a while, before he turns to look at you over his shoulder, his hands motioning for you to come near.

"Don't make me wait, get on," he says and your mouth opens then closes again. You're completely speechless. The avatar of pride is literally kneeling in front of you. "O-okay, yeah, whatever," you eventually say, getting on Lucifer's back. You wrap your arms around his neck and his hands hook under your knees, keeping you in place. "There we go," he says and stands up, beginning to walk down the path to The House of Lamentation.

You walk in silence for a while, (or well, Lucifer walks) as you rest your head on his shoulder. "Thank you," you murmur and you catch the corner of Lucifer's lips turning slightly upwards. "Gotta keep my little human comfortable, right?"

#perse fics #perse fluff #perse requests #perse inbox #lucifer #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me lucifer #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me x you #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x you #obey me lucifer fluff #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer angst #obey me angst

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maximoffcarter · 3 days

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Now that you're here.

Pairings: Alex Cabot x reader.

Summary: Anxiety and insomnia were two of the things that kept Alex Cabot awake at night. Sometimes pills had to be her comfort to be able to sleep through the night; that was until she met reader.

A/n: This was requested by an anon, Alex having a hard time sleeping until she meets reader. I gotta admit that I love writing Calex but also reader inserts are comfort for me haha. Don't be afraid to send me an ask or message if you got any requests, I'm up for anything for now. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblog, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

“Alex, you look like crap.” Olivia said as Alex walked into the precinct, a bit of concern behind her words.

Alex looked at her with a raised brow. “You sure know how to compliment a woman.”

“Sorry.”

Alex sighed as she shook her head. “Sorry, didn’t actually get a good night sleep. What do you have for me?”

It was known that Alexandra Cabot was devoted to her job. She could stay hours in her office without a problem, as unhealthy as it was. She basically only got home to ‘sleep’, take a shower, and have some sort of food, whatever she could find really. She barely knew what free days were, not wanting to skip any work day in case they really needed her. But she was also conscious of how this affected her physically and emotionally, it could be draining, but there was nothing a couple of pills couldn’t do for her -also very unhealthy-. Today, she had been called to the precinct for some advice, frustrated as she figured they had nothing she could work with and she just wasted time in walking all the way here, almost running out of the building as she had some arraignments she had to get to. The day had felt so long and draining, she felt exhausted to the point where she could literally drop asleep in any place, but knew that once she was home, there was no way she was going to sleep.

So after leaving her office, she opted for stopping by a small bar that was near her apartment. The thought of a good scotch drink made her feel a bit more relaxed. It was a Tuesday, so of course the bar would be almost empty, which also was to her favor as she really didn’t feel like dealing with drunk people. As she sat down, she noticed a girl who sat just two seats away from her. Alex could definitely move to another seat, but she just wanted the drink so badly that she didn’t really care. As she ordered the drink, she couldn’t help but study the mentioned girl; she was wearing scrubs which meant she was either a nurse or she worked in the health area, her head was in a ponytail, some hair all over the place, but still cute. The girl was entranced in her drink, just staring at it.

“Hard day?” Alex said before she could even figure out that the words were coming out of her mouth. She was supposed to enjoy a drink or two and then leave, but now there was the possibility that she just engaged herself into conversation.

The girl looked up and her eyes fell on Alex, offering a tired smile. “You could say so.” She raised her brow as she noticed the drink. “Guess it was for you too?”

Alex scoffed, nodding, and taking a sip of her drink. “You could say so.” She grinned as she turned to look at the girl again.

The girl huffed a chuckle, turning her body to face Alex. “Judging by your drink and clothes…I dare to say you’re a lawyer?” She raised her brow.

Alex grinned as she nodded. “Is it that obvious?”

The girl shrugged. “Just a bit.”

Alex raised her brow. “And judging by your drink and clothes, I dare to say you’re a nurse?”

“Is it that obvious?.” She smiled softly and extended her hand. “Y/n.”

Alex chuckled as she took her hand. “Alex.”

They held each other’s hand for a little longer than expected, just staring into each other’s eyes. Y/n couldn’t help but get lost in those baby blue eyes, Alex was beautiful, she was sure she was the most beautiful girl she has ever seen in her life, and she sees a lot of people every single day. As for Alex, she felt attached to her, something called her in and she couldn’t help but study every single feature of y/n, even with the tiredness in her face, she looked beautiful. They finally let go of their hands and giggled quietly, their eyes going back to their drinks.

“Done with your shift or you’re heading there?” Alex decided to speak again, looking back at y/n.

Y/n sighed in relief. “Done with my shift. Almost 20 hrs cause I needed some extra hours. And drinking is not allowed before a shift.” She grinned as she looked back at Alex. “What about you? Done with…court?”

Alex chuckled as she nodded. “Yes. We don’t really do court that late, though. Just paperwork and preps.” She smiled.

“Private lawyer or…?”

“Assistant District Attorney. I work for Special Victims.”

Y/n tilted her head as she smiled. “So you know Liv.”

Alex raised her brows at the name and nodded. “I do. You know her too?”

“They call me in whenever they have a victim. I mostly work ER, so.” Y/n smiled. “So now I know the famous attorney they always mention.”

Alex shrugged and grinned. “Nice to meet you.” She chuckled.

What was supposed to go for half an hour or an hour, turned to three hours. Alex had said a drink or two would be enough, but now she was involved in conversation with y/n, which she did not mind at all because she was enjoying this more than she expected. She wasn’t one to give up information about what she did or anything about her life, but as y/n started talking about her life, she felt safe to talk about hers too. It wasn’t all work, it was also things they did out of work, which in Alex’s part, she really didn’t have much to talk about since her whole life was work but listening to y/n talk was enough for her.

After the last call, both women decided to take a walk in direction to their apartments. Alex knew she had to grab a taxi at some point, but she didn’t want the night to end even if she had an early morning. Y/n kept going on about some work thing, and Alex just stared at her the whole time. They finally got to a corner and in front of a building, Alex sure this is where y/n lived, and they stood there, smiling at each other.

“Here is my stop.” Y/n turned to look at Alex. “Thanks for keeping me company.” She smiled softly.

Alex smiled. “I should say the same. Sorry I kept you until late.”

“It was worth it.” Y/n blushed as her words left her mouth, she cleared her throat and then looked in her backpack, getting a small notebook and a pen. “You can throw it away or do what you please with it but…here’s my number.” She then gave her a small paper and smiled. “If I don’t answer, it’s not because I’m avoiding or ignoring you. I’m working.”

Alex giggled as she grabbed the paper and stared at it for a moment before she looked up. “Noted.”

“I’ll see you around, Alex. Be safe.” Y/n smiled.

Alex saw y/n get into the building and turning to say a final goodbye to Alex before she disappeared. Alex stood there for a bit more, playing the evening in her mind and smiling. After all the stress and tiredness, the least she had expected was to meet someone at a bar and staying with her for hours just talking and laughing. Definitely worth the tiredness for the morning.

********************

Alex groaned as she took off her glasses, putting them on her desk and then groaning as she rubbed her eyes. Not only was she tired, but she was frustrated. The trial hadn’t gone as she expected, there was still a chance to win but at this point, her options were limited and the only thing she could do was push through it and try her best. She was also frustrated because she had to cancel on y/n last minute, her desk flooded with paperwork that she needed to finish, so she had to call y/n to cancel.

After that night at the bar, Alex couldn’t help and she called y/n the next day, while she was at her office doing paperwork she had called y/n and they had a conversation for a whole hour, and before saying goodbye, Alex had asked her out. The date went smoothly, and it had been better than they expected. For a whole month, they tried to go out every week, but today that was not possible. She had enjoyed every minute she spent with y/n, her day being a lot better just by seeing her, even if she had not much to say, she could listen to y/n over and over again. She looked at her watched and sighed, it was pass 10:30 pm and she was nowhere near finishing. She looked down at her paperwork and was about to dive in again, but a knock on her door startled her, making her look up at her door.

“Y/n?”

Y/n smiled softly as she leaned over the door frame. “Hello, counselor.”

“What are you doing here?” Alex smiled, moving her hand to let y/n know it was okay to come in.

“Well, since a pretty girl canceled our date today, I thought maybe I could show up in her office with some takeout. Cause I’m pretty sure she has not had any food all day.” Y/n walked to the desk, raising her brow as she looked at Alex. “I took the liberty of ordering Chinese, hope you don’t mind.” She showed the bags she had in her hands and smiled.

Alex felt her heart beating a bit faster as she listened to y/n, smiling softly. “Any food sounds amazing. Thank you.” She stood up and moved to the small table beside her desk, followed by y/n. They both sat down, and Alex then looked at her confused. “I have a suspicion on how you got into the building, but how did you know where my office was?”

“I’m not gonna confirm or deny that I had to stop by every floor to find it.” Y/n grinned as she got the food out.

Alex furrowed her brows. “You didn’t.”

“Baby, I asked the guard.” Y/n chuckled softly.

Alex blushed softly at the pet name, grabbing the boxes that y/n handed her. “Right. Sorry, my mind is kind of screwed at this point.” She looked at y/n and smiled. “I’m glad you came here.”

Y/n smiled. “My pleasure. I wanted to see you, and if this is my chance to see you, then I’ll take it.”

Alex tried to hide the big smile she had on her face and looked down at the box of food she had in her hands, grabbing some sticks and started eating. They ate in silence for a moment until they started talking about their days, Alex complaining about the trial and then the whole paperwork, and y/n talking about her day at the hospital. There was a moment where Alex went back to paperwork just to finish up and y/n stayed there reading a book and finishing her food. Every now and then, they look at each other without them noticing, time to time they’d lock eyes and just smile, trying to hide their smiles. Alex felt like a teenager, both doing their homework or studying and just keeping each other company, looking at each other and then going back to it. But even then, she felt happy.

Pass midnight, Alex finally said she was done, grabbing what she needed to take home and cleaning up their empty boxes of food. Unconsciously, as they left the office and waited for the elevator, Alex grabbed y/n’s hand and intertwined their fingers, only noticing once they were inside the elevator. She turned to look at y/n, who was already looking at her with a smile on her face. Once they walked out of the building, they kept walking hand in hand, talking about everything and nothing at some point. After walking a few blocks, they were waiting for the green light to cross the street and that’s when Alex turned to look at y/n.

“Would you like to come over? To…my apartment?” Alex bit her lip as she looked at y/n.

Y/n smiled softly. “I’d like that.” She whispered softly.

Alex smiled, noticing the light was green and they crossed the street. At some point, Alex decided it’d be quicker if they called a cab, so they did. Alex never let go of y/n’s hand, sitting close to each other in the cab and just looking out the window, the silence was comfortable, something both women were growing into. Once in Alex’s building, they went into the elevator and waited for the doors to close. Alex just stared at the doors for a moment, until she felt y/n’s hand on her cheek and the next thing she knew, her face was getting turned in y/n’s direction and she felt a pair of soft lips on hers. Alex gasped quietly, but right after, her free hand went to y/n’s waist, pulling her closer as she kissed her back. The kiss was slow and sweet, with a hint of passion in it, nothing either of them had experienced before. They had shared cheeks kisses while saying goodbye, but Alex was too shy to kiss her properly, so to say she was thankful that y/n kissed her, it was an understatement. y/n broke the kiss and Alex tried to follow her to keep kissing her, opening her eyes as she heard y/n giggling.

“What are you laughing at? You kissed me.” Alex grinned.

“I did. But you’re cute.” Y/n smiled as she pecked her lips. “I’m sorry if I didn’t ask, I just been thinking about kissing you for so long.”

Alex smiled. “I have too, but I was shy.”

“You’re welcome.” Y/n chuckled and just as she was leaning in again, the doors of the elevator opened.

Alex pulled her quickly out of the elevator and walked to the end of the hallway until they were at Alex’s door. As soon as they were in, Alex turned to look at y/n but before she could do anything, y/n had the same thought as Alex and she placed her hands on Alex’s waist, pushing her against the door, her lips attaching to Alex’s in a heated kiss. At some point they kicked the bags off onto the floor, not really minding where they landed. Alex moaned softly as her hands went to y/n’s hair, her hips thrusting into y/n’s as she tried to get her impossibly closer to her. y/n pulled away for some air, but soon enough started kissing Alex’s chin and went down to her neck, biting and licking every inch of skin she found. Alex threw her head back, giving her a bit more access to kiss her.

“W-We should move to my bed.” Alex moaned out as she looked down at y/n.

Y/n looked up at Alex and grinned. “Okay.” She pulled away from Alex and took off her coat, Alex doing the same thing and grabbing both of them to put them on the rack beside her door.

Alex took y/n’s hand and pulled her to her room, as soon as the door was open, she turned to kiss y/n again, her heartbeat racing as y/n’s hand found the buttons of her shirt and she started undoing them. Alex pulled away for air, looking at y/n as she panted. Her hand stroked her cheek for a moment, her fingers then moved to y/n’s chin to make her look up.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Alex asked softly.

Y/n smiled softly, her heart pounding on her chest at the questions. “I’m sure. Are you?”

Alex smiled as she nodded. “I do.” She lost no time and went back to kiss her, her hands landing on y/n’s shirt.

********************

Alex woke up to the sun hitting her face, she forgot to move the curtains when she got home so now the sun was in a part of her room. She stretched a little and groaned as she moved, only to feel that she had no clothes on her and the only thing covering her was her blanket. She took a moment to register what happened the night before, and it clicked when she turned to look at a sleepy and naked y/n beside her. She smiled softly as she remembered the night before. Not wanting to get up yet, she laid on her stomach and faced y/n, her smile never fading away as she studied every single feature in her face.

Then her mind started wandering and she almost gasped at the realization that she had slept the whole night. It could’ve meant nothing, but she had been having a lot of trouble sleeping because of the cases they’ve had, her anxiety being present every single night making her have insomnia. But tonight she had slept, and she felt relaxed and rested, she could get used to this. She closed her eyes for a bit, not feeling like moving or doing anything at all. But then she felt the bed moving, she could hear y/n groaning softly and she couldn’t help but grin. She kept her eyes closed, the grin never leaving her face which gave her up, y/n knowing she was awake.

Y/n moved close to Alex and kissed her naked shoulder softly. “Morning.” She whispered.

“Morning.” Alex finally opened her eyes and looked at y/n, smiling.

“How long have you been awake?” Y/n laid her head back down on the pillow as her hand made patterns on Alex’s back.

“Not too long. I just didn’t feel like moving. Though I know my phone will go off anytime soon.” Alex chuckled.

Y/n smiled. “And I need to get home to change. My shift starts at 2 pm.”

“Why don’t you shower here?”

Y/n grinned as she raised her brow. “With you?”

Alex realized the insinuation of her question, she didn’t mean it like that, but she wouldn’t be opposed to it. “I don’t see why not.” She moved to sit up and stretch, looking back at y/n. Y/n stared at her and smiled, making Alex chuckle. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.” Y/n whispered softly as she smiled. “I don’t mean to come off as a creep, but even if you always look beautiful, right here…right now…you look the most beautiful.”

Alex bit her lip as she tried to hide her smile, she leaned down and kissed her lips softly. “You’re just as beautiful.” She smiled softly. “Now, let’s go to shower before my phone goes off.” She whispered against her lips before she pecked them.

********************

Alex sighed as she laid on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. She had been trying to sleep for the last 2 hrs but sleep was definitely not on her side. She had tried everything at this point, even had taken some pills for her anxiety but sleep was definitely not an option. She couldn’t quite understand why she was not able to sleep when in the last few days she had been sleeping just fine, but today they beat her up at trial and she had been a bit stressed about it. Also she had not been able to get lunch with y/n so that had added to her anxiety since she was now used to their little routine. She took her phone and stared at it for a moment, until she dialed the number and waiting, hoping she wouldn’t grab her in a bad moment.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Alex smiled as she heard y/n.

“Lex! Hi! I’m so glad to hear your voice.”

Alex chuckled softly. “So glad to hear your voice too.” She smiled. “Are you busy?”

“No, I actually just finished with a patient, and I came to the on call room to lay down for a bit.” She sighed softly. “How are you? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Alex bit her lip softly. “I can’t.”

“Is something bothering you, love?”

Alex smiled softly at the pet name, they randomly came but she loved when they did. “They beat my ass today. I worked with Liv and Elliot all day to try and find something that could help us.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something.”

“I know, just…” Alex sighed. “I cannot let this man walk free.“

“And you won’t. You got this.”

Alex smiled softly. “I wish you were here.” She whispered softly, almost to herself, but she knew y/n had heard her.

“Just a few more hours till my shift ends and I can go visit you at your office.”

“You don’t have to do that. I know you’re exhausted as it is.”

“I told you before…I’d do anything to get to see you for at least a minute. I can sleep later.”

Alex shook her head as she smiled. “You’re too cute.”

“And cheesy, but you seem to not mind it.” Y/n chuckled.

“Not one bit.” Alex smiled as she sighed. “I’ll let you get some sleep and I’ll try to sleep too.”

Y/n stayed silent for a moment. “Alex?”

“Yes?”

Another moment of silence and then Alex could hear a small sigh. “I’ll see you later.”

Alex furrowed her brows but nodded as if y/n could actually see you. “I will.”

Alex hung up the call and sighed softly as her eyes went back to looking up at the ceiling. Part of Alex’s work was to figure out people whether they were lying or not, she could either notice it in their body language or the way they talked, and their voices slightly changed. She had now been dating y/n for the last 4 months, they’ve made it official after the second night y/n had stayed over with her and she couldn’t be happier about it, but in the last week she could see that y/n was battling with herself about something, but Alex was not one to pressure her into talking -even if that was mostly what she did with her job-. At some point Alex closed her eyes and fell asleep, her mind clouded in thought of y/n.

********************

Y/n knocked on Alex’s door and smiled softly as Alex looked up and offered a smile. “Hello, Ms. Cabot.”

“Hello there.” Alex smiled softly as y/n closed the door behind her.

“I brought you some coffee and a sandwich. You can leave it for later.” Y/n said as she walked to Alex, putting her coffee in front of her and the box of the sandwich on the small table beside her desk.

Alex sighed, a smile on her face. “You didn’t have to.” She stood up and wrapped her arms around y/n’s neck.

Y/n smiled softly as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist. “I wanted to. You should be used to it by now.”

“You’re just too good to me.” Alex whispered softly as she closed the gap between them, giving her a sweet kiss.

“How are you doing today?”

Alex sighed. “Apparently Liv and Elliot are getting somewhere, Fin and Munch are trying to check on some records. Maybe we’ll get something out of it.”

Y/n leaned up to kiss her nose and smiled. “You got this, Lex. And I’ll be here for you.”

Alex smiled as she nodded, kissing her forehead softly. “Thank you.” She then chuckled. “What’s your height again?” She looked at y/n teasingly.

Y/n rolled her eyes. “You know, you might be a bit taller than me, but the heels are helping you. I’m not even short, you’re just too tall.”

Alex laughed softly as she nodded. “Okay.” She ran her fingers through y/n’s hair as her eyes stayed glued on hers. “Was there something you wanted to tell me earlier?”

Y/n’s breath hitched as she looked at Alex, thinking she might’ve forgotten. “I uh…well, sort of. But it wasn’t important.”

“You got all nervous. Sounds important. Anything I can help with?”

Y/n raised her brow. “You say that like you’d actually get me out of trouble. Will you get me out of jail if I murdered someone?” A playful tone in her voice as she kissed her cheek.

“I’d probably do it. Can’t say I won’t.” Alex grinned as she kissed her forehead again. “But don’t avoid the question.”

Y/n sighed softly as she closed her eyes, begging anyone that this would go okay. “Okay…I did want to say something, but I thought maybe it wasn’t the best moment to say it since it was through the phone and it was literally 3 am in the morning, so I held myself back from saying anything.”

Alex nodded. “Okay…I’m listening.” Y/n looked up at Alex and bit her lips, a hint of fear could be seen in her eyes and for a moment Alex regretted that she brought it up.

“I know we’ve been only dating for 4 months but…I love you, Alex.” Y/n smiled. “And you definitely don’t have to say it back. I’d understand entirely if this caught you off guard. I don’t expect anything back.”

Alex’s face softened at the words, her heartbeat racing as y/n spoke. She placed her hands on y/n’s cheeks and chuckled softly. “My love, stop rambling.”

Y/n sighed. “Sorry.”

Alex smiled. “I love you too.”

Y/n looked at Alex with a relieved expression, smiling softly. “You do?”

“Of course I do. How could I not? You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Alex pulled her close and kissed her lips softly.

“Now who’s cheesy?” Y/n whispered against her lips, kissing her again.

Alex chuckled softly as she pulled away, stroking her cheeks softly. “Hey…I know you want nothing but to sleep all day but…how about you sleep at my place tonight?”

Y/n tilted her head. “Sure, what time do you want me to meet you there?”

Alex bit her lip softly as she smiled. “How about I give you my keys and you wait for me? Get some sleep, something to eat, and I’ll get home after 7 pm.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know I’ve stayed there but-“

“I’m sure.”

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.” She tilted her head. “Do you mind if I shower there?”

“Not at all, you know where the towels are.” Alex went ahead to her purse and got her keys out, going back to y/n and handing her the keys. “Went grocery shopping already so fridge is kinda full, use whatever you need, and get some rest.” She kissed her forehead softly. “And thank you for the sandwich and the coffee.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Y/n chuckled as she leaned in to kiss her lips softly. “I’ll see you later. Will go to my apartment first for a bag.” She kissed her lips one last time. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Be safe.”

Alex smiled and blushed slightly as y/n blew her a kiss as she walked out of the office. She sighed happily as she returned to her desk. Never in a million years would she think that she’d be all in love with a beautiful girl, but things were definitely getting serious, and she was happy about it.

********************

Alex stood in front of her door trying to find her keys on her purse, cursing under her breath as she tried to remember where she had left them. Then a heavenly smell made her look up at her door, a smile appearing on her face as she remembered y/n was inside. She knocked on the door softly and waited, hearing footsteps approaching the door. As soon as the door opened, Alex looked up at her and her heart warmed at the sight of y/n smiling at her. She had spent the weekends with Alex before, whenever she didn’t have any shifts, but seeing her dressed so casually, was probably one of Alex’s favorite things.

“I love the way you’re looking at me, but I don’t think the pasta I’m cooking will agree with us.” Y/n grinned.

Alex chuckled as she walked into the apartment, pecking her lips softly. “Hi baby.”

“Hi.” Y/n whispered against her lips. “Back to the kitchen, your keys are in its place.” She went back almost running to the kitchen.

Alex closed the door behind her and locked it, putting both her coat and purse on the rack beside the door and taking her shoes off. She moaned quietly as her feet hit the cold floor, finally getting off those ridiculous heels she’s been wearing all day. She massaged the back of her neck as she walked to the kitchen, wanting to see what y/n was making for them. She smiled softly as she saw y/n working around her kitchen; y/n was definitely better at cooking, she always made sure to make either breakfast or dinner for them, knowing perfectly that it was the only times Alex actually had a proper meal that wasn’t a grilled cheese or take out. Alex couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing her Harvard hoodie, the smile never leaving her face; she definitely looked better in it, but she wouldn’t admit it. She walked to y/n and wrapped her arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck softly.

“I see you got a new hoodie.” Alex whispered softly.

“Don’t tell my girlfriend, but I actually stole it from her closet. She’ll have it back, I just forgot to bring a hoodie and was cold.” Y/n chuckled softly and grabbed a bit of the pasta she had in front, blowing in it and putting her hand under it so it wouldn’t fall, turning slowly to Alex. “Taste it.”

Alex took the bite and sighed softly, closing her eyes. “Delicious.” She smiled as she looked at Y/n. “My favorite.”

Y/n shrugged. “I wanted to spoil you.” She smiled.

“Did you get some sleep?”

Y/n nodded. “I took a shower and then I was dead to the world for about 8 hrs. I got up and I decided to make dinner.” She smiled. “Go get changed while I serve dinner.”

“You really didn’t have to, but I appreciate it, love.” Alex kissed her cheek softly and disappeared into her room.

Once Alex was back, they both had dinner quietly at first, just enjoying each other’s company until y/n asked about Alex’s day, knowing that Alex had been stressed and maybe she needed to talk about it, so the rest of the dinner went with Alex letting all the stress and frustration she felt inside. As they finished dinner, Alex cleaned the kitchen telling y/n she’d meet her in bed soon. Even after all these months of getting to know each other and dating, Alex hadn’t had the guts to tell y/n that she normally took anxiety and sleeping pills to help her out a bit. It’s something she had put out there before, that she had both anxiety and insomnia, but somehow, telling y/n about it seemed a bit too much at the moment. She checked that doors and windows were closed, lights out and she then headed to her room, finding y/n reading a book while she waited for Alex. Alex stood there for a moment, thinking that she really could get used to this. She first went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and then walked to the bed and sat down, moving closer to y/n as she tried to see what she was reading.

“I thought you’d be reading a medical book or journal. Didn’t think you were a fantasy fan.” Alex grinned.

Y/n chuckled as she closed the book. “Well, sometimes it’s nice to get out of reality for at least a second.” She looked at Alex and smiled. “And it’s a romance novel.”

“Which are mostly based on fantasy. They make it seem too unrealistic, like in the movies.” Alex raised her brows as she teased.

“You’re no fun, Cabot.” Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and placed the book on the nightstand, turning off her light. She turned back to Alex and leaned in to kiss her lips softly. “So, what is realistic for Alexandra Cabot when it comes to romance?”

Alex sighed as she thought about it, grinning as she looked at y/n. “This. Us. Just…I don’t know. I like the way we work together.”

Y/n smiled. “I do too.”

“I wouldn’t change it for a thing.” Alex caressed y/n’s cheek and gave her a soft kiss. “C’mon, I’m sure you still want more sleep even after the 8 hrs.”

“It’ll definitely be better now that you’re here.” Y/n smiled and moved to Alex’s arms, resting her head against her chest. “Love you.”

Alex smiled softly and wrapped her arms around her tightly, kissing her forehead softly. “Love you too.”

The moment she felt y/n’s slow breath, she smiled and closed her eyes, falling asleep right after.

********************

Alex opened her eyes slowly, the sun coming through her window, making her groan a bit as she figured that she had to get up soon to get ready for work. But then something hit her, making her furrow her brows as she looked at the window; she hadn’t taken her sleeping pills. She opened her drawer trying to figure out if she probably didn’t because she ran out of or because she just forgot, but the bottle had enough for the next few weeks, so maybe she just forgot. She put it back inside and turned to look at y/n who was sound asleep. She laid there for a moment, a faint smile on her face as she thought back to all these months they’ve been together. She thought she was truly stupid or just an idiot, how could she not figure out that she slept so much better whenever y/n stayed because she was with y/n. It was the best sleep she got, feeling her close to her, whether she was in her arms or Alex was in her arms, just her presence made Alex feel so safe. And it took her all this time to figure out y/n helped her sleep better.

Alex laid there for a moment until she moved closer to y/n, her arm sneaking around her waist and pulling her closer, laying kisses on her naked shoulder and up her neck. Y/n sighed softly as she moved back into Alex, smiling softly but kept her eyes closed. Alex noticed and chuckled, leaving more kisses in her neck and up her jawline, she felt a bit bad about waking her up, but she really wanted to enjoy her morning before she got a call from someone from the precinct.

“I won’t mind waking up at all if this is the way you wake me up.” Y/n whispered softly, the raspy tone noticeable.

Alex kissed her shoulder and smiled. “I’d love to do that every day then. Sadly, I cannot do that when you stay at the hospital.”

Y/n chuckled, opened her eyes, and turned enough to look at Alex, one of her hands laying in Alex’s so she would leave it there. “Fair enough.” She leaned up and pecked her lips. “Morning.”

“Morning.” Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss her lips more properly. “I’m feeling some pancakes. Why do you say?”

“I can make some.”

“No, I meant I could order some.”

Y/n smiled. “You spoil me too much.”

“I love doing that a lot.” Alex kissed the tip of her nose. “Regular, chocolate or blueberry?” She moved to grab her phone and sit up in bed.

“Surprise me.” Y/n did the same and kissed Alex’s shoulder before she got up.

********************

“Alex?” Olivia asked softly as she knocked on her door.

Alex looked up and smiled. “Liv, hi. Can I help you?”

Olivia furrowed her brows as she walked into the office and sat down on one of the chairs. “I need a search warrant for the Levy case.”

Alex nodded. “What do you need it for?”

“We discovered that he might be hiding evidence, he collects prizes after rapping the girls and he could be keeping them in a special box. He also collects the underwear, so that might give us enough for an easy win.”

“And where did you get this information from?”

“One of the victims.”

Alex nodded. “Okay, I have an arraignment in an hour, I’ll try to find Petrovsky before that, and I’ll send it your way.” She smiled softly and went back to her paperwork.

Olivia furrowed her brows. “How’s your day been?”

Alex looked up at Olivia and smiled, a confused look on her face. “Uh…good? I guess?”

“A few weeks ago you looked like if we said something wrong, you’d throw us whatever you had on your reach. And now you look so…happy.”

Alex blushed slightly at the comment, knowing perfectly why she was like this. She took off her glasses and cleared her throat, looking down at her hands for a moment. “I’ve uh…I’ve been seeing someone. In the last few months. And…I figured out that whenever she stays for the night…I feel safe and comfortable that I wake up feeling so much better and well rested.” She smiled as she looked up at Olivia.

Olivia smiled, everything making sense now. “Does she lives with you now?”

Alex sighed as she looked down at her glasses, her fingers playing with them. “Not exactly. I mean- she has been coming to see me whenever her shifts end and then she goes back to my apartment.”

“So she basically already lives there.” Olivia chuckled.

Alex huffed a chuckle. “I’m an idiot for not asking her, huh?” She looked back at Olivia. “I’m afraid she’s not in the same page and I’ll ruin everything.”

“Alex, honey, she’s already staying with you every now and then. What if you’re also her comfort and that’s why she goes back to you every end of shift? Have you ever thought about it that way?”

Alex stared at Olivia for a moment, thinking back that she hasn’t. “Not exactly.”

Olivia nodded. “Ask her, and I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

Alex smiled. “I will.”

“How long have you been thinking about it?”

“Uh…2 months?” Olivia tilted her head. “Alex.”

“I know, I know. I will ask her.”

Olivia nodded. “You better, or I will for you.” She grinned as she chuckled, making Alex laugh.

********************

After the conversation with Olivia, Alex had in mind for 4 days how it would go down, or…overthought about how it could all go really down. She kept thinking over and over again how she could ask her. Was she supposed to just drop the question? Give her a key? Make a long ass conversation about it and then ask? Alex had never asked anyone to move in with her, hell she hasn’t even mentioned her anxiety and sleeping pills. She knew they’d come up at some point, but she didn’t know how to bring them up, she didn’t know how to ask y/n. Y/n had been braver than her when she told Alex she loved her, because it would’ve taken Alex another 2 to 3 months to tell her, just like the last 2 months that she let pass by and now she was having a hard time figuring out how she could ask her. She kept checking the time, waiting for it to be 9 pm, which was when y/n ended her shift. She knew today she was not coming to her apartment since it was late, and y/n’s apartment was closer to the hospital than Alex’s.

Alex sighed and went to her room, sitting down on her bed and looking at her pills. Was it too early to take them? Would she need them? She knew she’d definitely need them, but she was still in denial of taking them, but they had been so busy these past few days that y/n had not been able to come back to Alex’s, so she has been having a hard time to sleep. She sighed softly as she grabbed them and was about to grab the pill when she heard a knock on her door. She furrowed her brows but left the bottle in bed and walked out of her room. For a slight moment she felt a bit frightened because not everyone knew where she lived, but the moment she looked through the small hole in the door, she felt her heartbeat calming down and she sighed softly as she opened the door.

“Y/n, I was waiting to call you to ask if you were home safe.” Alex smiled softly but then her smile disappeared as she noticed y/n’s face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Y/n swallowed hard as she looked up at Alex, trying to hold back her tears. “I uh- I know I was…not supposed to come today. I’m…I’m sure you’re exhausted. God, I’m so exhausted.” She covered her face with her hands as she sighed. “But I needed to see you.” She said softly almost in a cry as she looked back at Alex, tears forming in her eyes.

Alex quickly wrapped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her into the apartment, closing and locking the door quickly to give full attention to y/n. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Y/n shook her head, letting Alex take her backpack and her coat off her. “I lost someone. In the ER.” She finally let the tears roll down as she sobbed. “S-She was so y-young. She was only ten. And I…I tried to help to stop…to stop the bleeding. We took her for an emergency surgery and she…she didn’t make it.”

Alex sighed softly as she wrapped her arms around y/n. “Love, I’m so sorry.” She kissed her forehead softly.

“It’s not the first patient but…Alex she was okay when she got there. And 10 minutes later, she was complaining about a pain, and she passed out. She looked so terrified and I…I couldn’t do anything else.” Y/n wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist and buried her face on her neck. “I should’ve done more. I should’ve hurried up and not think she was okay.”

“You did what you could. And I’m sure anyone would’ve done the same things you did.” Alex kissed her forehead again, walking them to the couch.

Y/n sighed softly as she leaned into Alex again, trying to stop her tears. “They already talked to me and said I did every possible thing but just…god.” She rubbed her face. “They saw me so bad that they gave me a week off, paid. They told Anika to take the week off too, she was as freaked out as I was, I mean…she was in charge, it was her OR.” She chuckled sadly. “

You need some rest and to clear your mind. You’re amazing, love. You all did everything.” Alex whispered softly, grabbing her hand.

Y/n nodded as she sniffled. “I’m sorry I…I just…I didn’t want to be alone. I just needed you.” She whispered softly as she pulled away enough to look at Alex. “I’m sure you’re tired and just wanted to sleep.”

“No, baby. I was waiting to call you.” Alex smiled. “And I’m actually really happy that your first thought was to come to me and not go to your apartment.” She let go of her hand and stroked her cheek softly. “I’m here whenever you need me, and when I’m not, I’m just a call away.”

Y/n smiled softly. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” Alex smiled and pecked her lips softly.

“I didn’t bring any clothes, I uh…I just came straight from the hospital.“

Alex thought for a second and thought it was now or never; could be the worst time but it could also be the best chance. “Maybe you should have clothes here. I mean…I don’t mind sharing mine. You look lovely in them.” She chuckled.

Y/n furrowed her brows as she smiled. “So I should just…bring my clothes in here? For when I stay?”

Alex bit her lip softly for a moment as she stared into those lovely eyes she loved so much. “Yes. But…maybe…maybe you should always stay.”

Y/n grinned softly. “Alex, baby…I know you can talk better than this. I’ve seen you in court.” She chuckled as she wiped away the last tears from her eyes.

Alex chuckled softly as she shook her head. “I’m sorry I’m…a bit nervous.” She smiled as she sighed. “What I mean…I’d like for you to move in, with me.”

Y/n’s face softened, tears forming in her eyes again. “Really?”

Alex nodded. “You know…I love the fact that you first thought about coming here because you needed me, because I need you as well.” She took a deep breath. “I suffer from anxiety, and I have trouble sleeping, insomnia. I took pills and I…I never told you because I didn’t think it’d be important. But when you’re here…when you stay with me, it’s the best sleep I have and I just live having you here with me. And if I can do the same for you…I’d do it every single day. Because I love you. And I’ll always be here.”

Y/n smiled through her tears. “Alex.”

“Oh, my darling. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Alex wiped her tears and kissed her forehead softly.

“They’re happy tears.” Y/n smiled. “I’d love to move in with you. I wish you could’ve told me about your anxiety and trouble to sleep. I’d have moved in since our first date.” They both laughed.

Alex shrugged. “I wouldn’t have minded that.” She grinned as they laughed. “But I mean it. I don’t want you to ever go.”

“Then I won’t.” Y/n smiled. “My lease is due next month actually. So…guess it was the perfect time to bring this up.” She chuckled. “I…wanted to bring it up but I was also a bit nervous.”

“Guess we both overthought so much about it.” Alex chuckled.

“Well, I’m glad you brought it up.” Y/n leaned in and kissed her lips. “Thank you.”

Alex tilted her head. “For what?”

“For being you. For loving me. For being here.” Y/n smiled.

“I should thank you for the same things.” Alex smiled. “Hey, how about we order something. I’ll ask for tomorrow off so I’m here with you.”

Y/n nodded. “Sounds good.” She smiled. “Could we…maybe…take a bath together?” She bit her lip as she looked at Alex.

Alex chuckled and nodded. “I don’t see why not.” She kissed her forehead softly before the two of them headed to her bedroom. Their bedroom.

#alex cabot x reader #alexandra cabot #alex cabot #svu fic #law and order svu #svu #alex cabot fic

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venturelovebot · 3 days

Text

A/N: This took me longer than I wanted it to but it's finally done! That means there's only one fic left to finish before I open up requests again. :•) Enjoy!

Premise: Depressed!GN!Reader finds out they're not as worthless as they think they are.

Warnings: None! Pure fluff.

You scribbled on the corner of the page to test your ink pen.

I have to vacuum the floor again soon. Dishes need to be done again today. I don't know what I want to make for dinner. More chores need to be done tomorrow. Is it even worth it anymore?

You pause. Every entry from the start of this week looked exactly the same. Flipping through the pages you notice that the beginning entries aren't much different either. Seems like every day has turned monotonous and bleak for you for a long time now. When you really think about it, when was the last time you were truly happy to wake up in the morning? Nothing came to mind.

The amount of hopelessness that filled your mind, body and soul was immense.

"Good morning!" Sloan sets down a coffee mug with a cat meme on it for you. Their smile had genuine happiness behind it– not something you could relate to.

"Good morning." You mimic their smile and watch as they take a seat next to you.

You're not sure how they could be so happy to wake up to the same burden every day of their life. Surely they must of thought you were baggage at this point. You were just waiting for the day they got tired of your presence and finally packed up and left. Everyone did. It was only a matter of time for them, too.

You bookmark the current page of your journal and close its cover.

"Don't forget your medicine!" They set your pill case next to your cat meme mug.

"Thanks."

They give you a kiss on the cheek.

You want to cry. Instead, you just watch as they take a seat next to you at the dining table for breakfast.

"Not hungry?" They ask.

They fork small bites of waffle into their mouth.

"I already ate." You lied.

"Oh? What did you have? I didn't hear you making anything."

You knew they were worried about you, but your brain didn't accept this.

"Just toast."

They're quiet for a moment. "Just toast?" They repeat.

"With jam. I'm not completely tasteless." You halfheartedly joke.

In order to dodge more conversation you open your pill case and down everything on an empty stomach.

"You have therapy today, right?" It feels they're playing a game of Twenty Questions.

"Yeah. I can make it there on my own, though."

"Well, I don't have anything to do right now. Why not let me take you?"

Right. You forgot. You were used to them being gone for weeks on end because of field work, studying or traveling. They took a couple weeks off to spend time with you. It seemed to be happening increasingly often as of late.

"It's alright, really. I don't want to bother you with it." You insist.

"It's not a bother! I promise!"

They're smiling again. It's hard to say no to that face.

"Alright."

...

Your therapist gives you back your journal after reading the last few entries. Nearly fifty minutes had already gone by and you don't feel like you've gotten everything off your chest yet.

"So, you feel like nothings gotten any better then?" They inquire.

"How are things supposed to get better at this rate?"

You collapse into the sofa and stare at the wall behind your doctor.

"I'm a burden. I can't do anything right. Everyone else already has everything figured out. What am I supposed to do? I'll never be good enough at anything."

Your therapist jots down everything you're saying before looking back up at you.

"If it's okay to ask... what do you want to be good at, exactly?"

You think about it. "Anything."

"Do you really think that's true, that you're not good at anything?"

You nod.

"You woke up this morning. You're breathing. You're very good at doing those two things. You're taking up space and existing. You're listening. You're feeling. You do these things without even thinking about them. Is that not a sign of skill?"

"That doesn't make me a worthwhile person, though." Tears start forming in your eyes and your therapist hands you the tissue box.

"You don't have to do anything well to be a worthwhile person. You exist, and that enough makes life worth living. If you want to learn more then you can, but knowing everything won't increase your value. You're valuable just by being here. Your worth as a human being is not determined by what you can or cannot do, or what you do or don't know."

Your therapist stays quiet as you sob into multiple tissues. It takes several minutes for you to calm down enough to continue your session.

"I still can't help but feel like a burden to everyone though." You still find it hard to speak after crying so much.

"Those who see you as a burden will never be worth your time. People who want to be around you will stay around you, even if they can't be present in your life at all times."

Rain begins gently tapping at the office window.

"... wouldn't it just be easier to shut everyone out, then?" You point out.

"Well, sure... but then you would never find out who truly loved you, or find others who are going to love you despite it all."

Another moment of silence passes between the two of you before the clock chimes in the distance.

"Same time next week I presume?" Your therapist fills out an appointment card for you.

"That sounds good."

...

You forgot your umbrella. The rain has already begun to pour.

Y/N: Alright. I'm ready.

💛lil meow meow💛: ᕕ( ՞ ᗜ ՞ )ᕗ

💛lil meow meow💛: ON MY WAY!!!

A car speeds by while you're waiting and splashes you from head to toe in puddle water. You're lucky enough that your phone case is water proof and that your journal is in your bag, otherwise everything would've been ruined.

Weird. You haven't thought about the positives in a long time.

You carefully wipe the droplets from your phone before another text message pops up.

💛lil meow meow💛: [Uploaded a photo at 3:56 PM].

It was a photo of you from behind.

💛lil meow meow💛: Omg? There's just a cutie pie standing outside? Do you think they're single?

You turn to look in the direction the photo was taken, then Sloan snaps another photo of you.

💛lil meow meow💛: OMG they noticed me!!!

💛lil meow meow💛: They're walking towards me!!!

You open the car door and the warmth hits your damp face.

"Wow. Now there's a cute person in my car! No way!" They grin and gesture over to you.

You can't help but smile.

"Sorry I wasn't fast enough to pick you up before the rain started..." They add.

They reach over to hold your hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

"It's okay. I can shower later." You reply.

You look out the passenger side window at the world covered in gray. The sooner you could get home, the better.

"So, how did it go?" They ask.

For a moment you replay the conversation with your therapist in your mind. You're not sure if you want to bring it up.

"Well..." You start to say, but you choke back the rest of the words.

Tears form in your eyes and you turn farther way from your beloved to hide them. You attempt to focus on the street lights passing you by instead.

"It was okay."

A brief silence passes between the two of you.

"You can be honest with me." There was a genuine concern for you in their voice that you were all too familiar with.

You bite your lip and think about your therapist again.

"Do you think I'm a burden?"

The question seems to come from no where for Sloan– but for you, it's all you've been wondering for a very long time.

"No! Of course not! Why would I ever think that about you?" They answer almost a little too defensively.

"Because you're smart, and you already have your life figured out– and I'm just a nobody, really..."

"No, you're not. Not to me."

You wipe the oncoming tears with your sleeves. The weight of the world comes baring down on your shoulders once again. Hot breaths escape between choking sighs and you can't stop yourself from sobbing all over again.

"I'm sorry–" That's all you could repeat, over and over again, like a broken record.

"[Y/N]..."

You can hardly hear them over the sound of your downfall.

The crisis seemed like it lasted forever to you. Everything you've been keeping bottled up for so long comes pouring out all at once without any warning. Even though your heart still hurts, you can feel it becoming lighter with every passing minute.

You can't form words. All you can do now is cry, cry, cry.

So cry, you did.

For minutes on end, tears flood out from underneath your swollen, bloodshot eyes. Your face was pink and pain pounded in your head from all the upset. It felt like forever until you were calm enough to form coherent sentences again.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Once again you find yourself apologizing for things beyond your control.

"There's no need to say you're sorry. Let's just get inside so you can get out of those wet clothes."

You didn't even realize you had made it home already.

...

One mental breakdown, shower and ibuprofen later you felt like a brand new person.

In the same cat meme mug from this morning your beloved sets down some hot chocolate for you to help you cheer up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" They ask.

You can feel them wrap a blanket around you before sitting down and scooping you up into the warmest hug you've ever received. You close your eyes and melt into their affection while placing your head on their chest to listen to their heartbeat.

"I guess I just feel worthless most of the time." You admit.

"But why? You're not worthless to me. Not one bit." They comfort you the best they can.

You can feel Sloan place their hand on the back of your head and gently stroke your hair.

"I feel bad for taking time away from you. You have everything in your life figured out. I can't imagine why you still come around to visit me."

"Because I love you." There's a softness to their reply that makes your heart feel safe and secure. "I love spending time with you, so I take time off to visit you. If I didn't want anything to do with you I'd be gone already."

You think about their words for a minute and wish you had something equally as nice to reply with, but instead drowsiness begins to fog your mind.

You open your mouth to speak but a yawn escapes first.

"Rest, mi vida. Don't let those thoughts bother you anymore. I love you so much–" They place a kiss to your head. "– and I'll love you even more when you wake up."

They let you lay down and listen to their heartbeat for a little while longer.

"You mean the world to me. I don't care about anything else right now– just you. I'm here for you. Everything else can wait."

"Promise?" You nuzzle into their chest, ready to fall asleep at any moment.

"I promise. I'll write it on my tombstone." They reply.

"I'll hold you to that."

"You'll have to wait and see. I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, first."

For the first time in a long time you felt yourself genuinely smile.

#this took me rewatching my entire comfort game to finish oof #overwatch #overwatch 2 #venture x reader #venture x you #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #sloane cameron #sloan cameron

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sensitivegoblin · 11 months

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I'm having a bad day cus I slept all day and no one's on a schedule here so autistically speaking I'm fucked up

Vent below

#I'm feeling a lot of sad feelings #I had a really good dream (I keep having this dream of a much more exciting life so they're good and bad dreams) -#- that I was ordering a really meaty chicken sandwich with gravy and now I've woken up to the fact I only have old Lomein to eat🫠#that's not my biggest problem regarding dreams but it's getting under my skin #now I'm hungry and it's too late for food #my sister keeps being like 'oh get a shower!!!' but she's made it fuckin impossible #she freaks out if the shower isn't pristine like nobody was ever in there #and with my chronic pain it's really really really hard to do all of her shitty lil extra rules #I wish I was dead honestly I'm so tired of this and I'm tired all the time #I need to take my pills but what's the point #nothing is ever gonna get better.....#for 24 years I've been sad all the time with no explanation #I wish I could kill myself now honestly why am I such a pussy #I'm so cooped up in this house too #my dad had a set schedule so I could look forward to getting out at least once a week #now I'm just rotting in the basement 24/7 cus my sleep is off and I never get to go anywhere fun #I hate my life so much :(#I don't see the point in staying alive but I'm so fucking scared of failing

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arttrampbelle · 6 days

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Shang tsung doesn't need to be a "good guy" to be sympathetic or do nice or "good" deeds.

Y'all should understand that not everyone needs to be a hero to be redeemed.

That's some bullshit propaganda that y'all tend to fall for.

It's like that feeling of "if you pray to jesus,all you're sins in OUR eyes will be forgiven" type indoctrinated shit. Like no shade thrown,even as someone who is spiritual myself. I find people thinking that a villain in a story should become a hero in order to be redeemed,kinda suspicious.

Shang tsung,to me,has ALWAYS BEEN NUANCED. And already had benevolent qualities and traits. Y'all just only see one damn part of it because the writers suck at showing them properly.

Not to mention if a character isn't obnoxiously nice or mean,y'all don't pay attention to them.

It's like most of mk fans I've noticed,at least as of late. Feels like I'm talking to 3yr olds in media literacy.

So no. Shang tsung needs to be a NEUTRAL CHARACTER. not good,not evil,just self serving and even quite helpful as a tournament master as he is supposed to fucking be.

He is supposed to be that "keep your friends close,keep you enemies closer" type. He is the "the enemy of my enemies are my friends" type. He's scary intelligent,cunning,a master martial artist,a brilliant alchemist,and one badass mofo you do not wanna cross.

But most of all,he is courteous,a gracious host on his island,and his punishments are as great as his rewards. He does keep his end of the bargain,but he also gets compensation.

If anything you need to worry about earthrealms warriors more than him. Half of them now(due to piss poor writing) are hiding behind heroic deeds and false statements of peace yet they have unclean hands too.

With Shang tsung you know what you are dealing with,it's on the table. If you cant read the obvious,you are indeed a foolish one.

No matter what iteration of shang tsung you have. One thing is clear,made clear,and that is when you deal with him. You deal with the devil so to speak.

So if you're not smart nor prepared. That's on your ass honey. Not his. Do not blame him for your stupidity.

But if you know how to play the game,play chess with the serpent. And know these archetypes. Then you may have a better shot. But that's all on you.

Either way,in your favor or not. Do not blame him for telling you exactly what is needed to be said,not what you wanna hear. Honeyed words or not,there's always a sliver of truth and bitter pill of truth in his words. And he's good at making either people hate his guts or bow and worship him.

THAT IS WHY HE'S DANGEROUS. not because of magic,or experiments and other trival bullshit.

Nah.

It's because shang tsung is good at talking. Good at trades and making you believe whatever is what he wants you to see.

Even if it may go against him. He wants you to fuck up,get angry at him,attack,be unbalanced,so he can fuck your shit right up!

Holy shit this mans whole ass moveset is zoning and keeping you in a certain place in the stage even!

It's part of his whole damb character.

I could go on and on. But do not blame to serpent for telling you information for questions you ask him. You're the one who chose to bite his apple of enlightenment and knowledge so to speak.

Which is why the gods,titans,etc want these kombatants,warriors to be stupid. So they are easy to control,to get what they want.

Like it's glaringly obvious that mortal kombats story has these type of tropes and symbolism in it. But people are too blind,for various reasons. To see it.

I could get deep. It's a videogame,i know. It is what it is.

But the more i look at mk12/mk1 shang tsung. The more i feel its a missed opportunity to showcase these themes better for him.

Like holy shit dude. Shang tsung pointing out the hypocrisy of the gods. And whispers in our earthrealm warriors ears. And maybe convincing a few to join his side. Or even better. Our heroes,kung lao and mortal raiden to question liu kang and not blindly follow like fucking idiots. Sure just trust this dude right? Bruh.

Shang tsung is the only one with a brain once again. And i hate them making everyone else so stupid to make him seem better in the shithole plot of theirs. If you can call it a plot.

It burns me,that it's a waste of potential.

But i digress.

Anyways. Shang tsung,way more than an evil conjurer of tricks my dudes. Waaaaaay fucking more.

#mortal kombat #shang tsung #mini vent #mortal kombat shang tsung #mk12/mk1 #mk12/mk1 shang tsung #mk1 shang tsung #mk1 2023 shang tsung #mk1 2023 #like god damn it y'all love these type why can't you seem to write them better?!#y'all seem to take stupid pills around this shang tsung for why? like y'all wrote devil and luciferian characters so damn well....#why not apply that to shang tsung? like it's obviously right there in plain sight of what that is #ugh #i dunno guys i just feel there can be so much more for shang than “all evil” or “ all good” it's boring #like he doesn't need to change his whole fucking character to have sympathy or do heroic things ffs like let my dude be neutral!#i feel people throw around antihero too fucking much to a point that archetype lost it's meaning #he is by no means a fucking antihero nor will he ever be #if anything he's a tragic villain or just a neutral grey character period

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lonesomedotmp3 · 1 year

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guy who didn't take their stop getting panicked and freaking out at everything and having unbearable heart palpitations and being unable to sleep pill voice guess who's feeling panicked and won't stop freaking out at everything and is having unbearable heart palpitations and can't sleep!! el oh el!

#i was like it's fine i don't even need them. dude there is a reason you went to all that effort to get them...#IDIOT!!#i know i complain on here alllll the time (follow for more complaining!) but you have no idea the extent to which i get through the day by #just not thinking about it. or thinking about it for two minutes then forcing myself to just. move on to anything else.#if i let myself spiral (like i did february) all of the time i simply would stop taking part in my life #because it's unbearable if you think about it. so i don't. but the constant pointed Not Thinking About It is exhausting #and the constant enduring is exhausting the constant Taking What I Can Get is EXHAUSTING (hence. the february breakdown)#and now nothing is BETTER it's just. child psychology voice kill yourself or get over it. and so i got over it. but that's not LIVING.#and my parent's think i'm just fine now because i'm fucking on the pill or whatever and i'm trying anxiety meds etc etc #but fundamentally the truth is the same (i'm not built to be happy and i wasn't built for this life)#and i'm just back to the trying! the trying and trying and trying and swallowing pills and practicing tai chi and #opening the windows and eating oranges and sharing poems and appreciating the little things #i'm tired of appreciating little things. i want big things!#and no i won't kill myself. if you keep living there is some chance life will become worth living at some point however low #and if you die then that chance drops to zero. so fine. whatever. i'll get over it #but this isn't good. this isn't a good life! every day i have to wake up and remember there's nothing here for me!!!!#YES every day is a renewed chance that life will become good but how can i not be burdened from every day that came before that was just #nothing?#something has to change and I'VE tried changing i'm ALWAYS changing it's always ME #a new mindset a new coping mechanism and new positive mental attitude #but that doesn't fix that fundamentally life as it is for me is Not Worth It. ok. if i have to live the rest of my life trying to rewire my #brain so it feels whatever sense of hope it can from the Tiny Little Things that aren't completely miserable and desolate like a stranger's #kindness or a nice treat from a shop or a pretty skyline. if that's all i'll ever get?#what are we doing.#in conclusion: let's create life 2 where everything is so so beautiful for everyone

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dogbunni · 1 year

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if I have been a little quiet this past week that is bc life is swinging a giant cartoon mallet at my head and cackling like the joker experiencing the adrenaline rush of batman driving the batmobile towards him at 120mph. thank you

#my parents went away on holiday and left me in charge of my siblings and the house #which is fine and has happened before and my siblings are basically adults anyway #but my cat got sick again and had to go to the vet to the tune of hundreds of £#turns out he has a skin condition caused by flea bites which idk how he keeps getting them he is an INDOOR cat #the amount of flea pills i have given him in the past 6 months cannot be good for his health #so ive been spraying the whole house down with flea killer and washing all the bedsheets and laundry on the hottest settings #and then this evening he trotted downstairs with two bald paws where he has LICKED THE FUR OFF and it is raw and bleeding in spots #idk wtf to do at this point #he had another seizure too so his meds need adjusting again #so im going to spend more £££ at the vet #to top it all off i have non refundable coach tickets to visit my dad tomorrow so i kind of have to go #fucking. 8 hour journey. kill me #so my sister is going to have to take my boy to the vet instead and im anxious abt that #my special little boy shouldnt have to go to the scary place without me :(#but anyway losing my mind at the emd of my tether have barely picked up my phone the past few days #like what am i doing wrong does my cat just want to die or does he hate me #one thing after a fucking nother #and i have to go into fucking CENTRAL london tomorrow id rather eat fibreglass insulation xx #at least i get to read while im on the district line my beloved <3 #dogbunni diary log

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rotted-candy-hearts · 2 years

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Being a trans nb demiboy with an 3d is just this:

Me: *takes birth control so I can try sex because getting pregnant would be bad for me and the dysphoria would kill me before the baby would*

Me: *reads that birth control will heighten estrogen levels, lower testosterone levels, and make me fatter*

Me: *looks up how to get the pill to not do that, because those 3 things will make me commit violent thing*

Website: do not get stressed. It raises estrogen.

Me: *gets more stressed because I know I won't be able to stop myself from getting stressed*

Website: also you should lose as much weight as possible😐 your fat contains estrogen

Me:😐

Website:😐

Me:☹️ *dysphoria and body image issues increases by 100%*

Website, holding a gun to me: oh and it'll lower your sex drive so you might not even want to do the thing that we're supposed to help you with

#traumacore #ventcore #weirdcore #not a poem #disordered eating #e🦋#vent #birth control #dyphoria #trans 3d #whats the point of taking birth control so i can have sex and not feel dysphoric if its just gonna lower my sex drive and raise me estrogen #its stupid and it makes sex even more unappealing to me than ever before #i just wanted to experience it once so i could know what the big deal is #but i dont need the pill to be fucking me over while im doing it #for fucks sake #FUCK #a lot of venting #a lot of swearing #very big vent #vent meme #hatred towards all #if my breats enlarge I'm ending the world myself #i will be the rapture ragnarok or whatever else you call the end of times #and theres a high fucking chance the pill won't even wirk #vent in tags #angriest ive ever been in my entire life #life is a fucking nightmare #if sex isnt even that good I'm burning something down

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sw1mmingfoolz · 2 years

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spending the night at my parents since I got an urgent drs appointment in the morning and I live an hour away n ooh boy the creative juices are coming back

#i spent a decade writing here of course this is what i needed to write again #also i wrote some lee know dating headcanons for a request and they were nostalgic too lol #the bullet point format n all #in other news i am terrified I won't make rent this week the heat is trying to kill me and tmi but i have my period for some reason #i take the pill without breaks i have no idea why this is happening but for a swer? not ideal lmao #here's hoping my weekend is a good one but yknow what. writing really keeps me sane #the question is will you get fairy au felix zombie apocalypse soonyoung or very angsty hospital meet mark first lol #or none of the above who knows uwu #a/n #sorry for all the personal posts i rant on here too much i think lol #i am simply having a bad week

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sad--tree · 6 months

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last time i filled a particular prescription im pretty sure the pharmacy used a diff manufacturer/brand/whatever and now my pills taste So Bad and i can even smell them as soon as i open the bottle :(((((

#they were tasteless b4..... whats even the POINT these arent like my old vyvanse where i assume they make them bitter 2 prevent abuse or w/e #its my fucking. mirtazapine. of all things. aka my Make Food Good Again pills :/ which i havent been taking. bc they taste bad.#and now my appetite sux. again. :'(#i know I KNOW that was a bad idea but. i also maybe fell prey 2 the ol 'i feel better maybe i dont need these pills anymore' folly :| oops.

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pussy-ache · 10 months

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probably should talk to my sister sooner or later

#i need to get myself to care first #my life is absolutely no different without her in it and like. that’s a hard pill to swallow #like i guess it’s the Point. that i should just let it go. but at the same time i honestly just don’t fucking care #like the ONLY difference is the fact that i’m now bearing the weight of elderly dogs by myself #and that’s probably a problem #her personality always drained me and i honestly can say that i probably did the same to her #but again i know that’s Not The Point #it just makes it harder for me to care lmao. it’s like trying to forgive my father. and i’ve been working on that one my whole fucking life #so basically she probably shouldn’t be holding her breath #cuz this whole time my parents have been taking care of the dogs i have been wracked with guilt #thinking about my moms shoulder and my dads knees and just how hard my dogs pull #and now that it’s been temporarily taken out of my hands for 1-2 weeks at a time i see it’s super convenient for my sister to not have to #i’ve had this shared responsibility with her for almost 12 years #this is the first time i’ve had a break (save when i went out of the country a couple times lmao)#so that means i now know how easily she’s choosing her own convenience over being fair with me #her entire point is ‘’this shouldn’t have anything to do with me anymore. they’re not even my dogs’’#like. what? how are they not YOUR dogs and MY dogs and MOMS dogs and DADS dogs. they’re THE FAMILY DOGS like what does that even mean #and then she goes and gets her own 10 pound looking ugly little kick me dog the size of our dogs head #no sorry apparently not ‘’our’’ dogs head #like jesus christ. i just do not have the energy to speak to her #like the amount of allotted energy i have every day literally just exists for work. bed. masturbation. and then work. bed. masturbation.#truly. i can barely function as an adult. she can wait until i have more energy to deal with the low empathy selfishness she exudes

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waughymommy · 2 months

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WM: Breastfeeding Kink & Diaper play

Disclaimer: all characters depicted in this story are consenting adults over the age of 18. If you are NOT 18 or older, Don't Read if UNDER 18

I startle awake from a throbbing pain in my breasts. Quietly groaning as I turn over onto my back not wanting to wake my sleeping little prince. My hand moves up to my big tits and oh god are they swollen. I’m not sure what’s been going on but for the past few days my breasts have been so tight and swollen and it’s just getting worse. I slowly begin to massage them in an attempt to ease the pain. “Oh fuck this isn’t helping at all” i whisper to myself.

I pull my loose tank top away from my breasts and look at the swollen mounds. The only time I’ve ever seen breasts look like this were when my best friend breastfed her little in front of me… wait. It can’t be can it? There’s no way I haven’t even been taking the special pills she had to take to induce lactation!

I open my phone to Google and type in “what can cause you to lactate?” I click the first site that pops up. “There are many things that can induce lactation such as Yada yada yada medications such a birth control… FUCK.” I whisper yell. I did not just accidentally induce lactation with the new birth control I’m on. Oh god we haven’t even had this discussion yet I’m not sure it’s even something he’d be into. But my breasts hurt so bad I need some relief.

I get up from bed as quietly as I can and walk into the adjoining bathroom. I flicker the lights on and keep the door open just the slightest bit incase my little prince needs me. I look in the mirror and slowly pull my tank top down. My tits spring out all heavy and full. “Fuck” I hiss quietly as I press down in the swollen flesh.

I slide my finger down to my nipple and begin to stimulate it. A milky liquid starts to drip out and I almost can’t believe it. I moan as my finger squeezes some more out. Oh fuck that feels good.

A quiet voice interrupts my ministrations “Mommy?” I look over to my left side and my little prince is at the bathroom door just in his princess t shirt and full diaper staring at my dripping nipples in wide eyed wonder. Fuck he looks so beautiful with his bed head and sleepy eyes. He rubs at his eyes and hold the door frame.

“Mommy what’s that?” He points to the liquid still dripping from my hard nipple.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about baby boy just turn your little tush around and go back to bed. I’ll be right there.” I say as I walk toward him and turn him around with my hands on his shoulders walking him back to the bed. He throws his head back and whines lowly, “but mommy I’m thirsty das why I woke up!” He says as I set him down back in bed.

He looks up at me and his eyes move back to my nipples and his lips part and drool seeps out. “Okay baby you just wait right here and mommy will get you a drink of water.” I move toward the door but he grabs my wrist and with those doe eyes of his staring up at me and says “But I wan mommy’s milkies!” He whines again. His tonight peaks out and he licks his lips. “I’m not sure honey we havent really spoken about this.” I say as I softly caress the side of his face. He leans his head into my hand and pouts.

“Please mommy please I just wanna try and see what it’s like. If you don’t like it or If I don’t like it we always have our safe word!” He trues to reason with me. And he’s not wrong so what could be the harm? I’ve secretly wanted this so badly for the longest time. I sigh and smile at him and nod.

“Okay sweetheart you won, let mommy get comfy in bed first.” He claps his hands in excitement and slaps a sloppy wet kiss on my lips. I laugh as I crawl into bed and settle against my pillows. I pat my lap for him, “come here sweetie and lay side ways in mommy’s lap. Put you head right there in mommy’s elbow.” I maneuver him a little till he’s sitting just right, I cover him in the blankets and turn the low lamp on. A soft glow covers the room as he looks up at me with his lips slightly parted. I can tell he’s just as excited as I am. My sweet little boy.

“Alright baby boy open those pretty lips for mommy.” I hold my boob up and my nipple leaks as I pull it and drop it in his waiting mouth. His lips close around my nipple immediately and he begins to softly suck. It takes him a few moments to really get the hang on how to latch on but soon his tongue is working in overdrive and hes suckling away like his life depends on it. I a gasp at the strength of his suckling and softly run my hands through his brown hair. “Sweetheart mommy isn’t going anywhere you can drink slowly, I promise I’m not going anywhere.” He closes his eyes and the suckling gets softer as soon as he realizes I’m not gonna snatch my nipple away from him. I moan quietly as I watch him drink.

He’s such a sweet little boy suckling on his mommy’s nipples. I slide my hand down to his diaper and rub at his diapee covered cock. It’s so hard. I won’t lie my panties have absolutely socked through at this point. The feeling of his tongue lapping at the milk from my tits is just so erotic. He moans as my hand continues it’s rubbing.

His hand reaches for my other leaking breast and he begins to fondle the nipple. Pulling and clutching at it, the milk dribbles done his fingers soaking them. I can’t help but moan out at the feeling. “Oh sweet boy that feels so good. You’re such a good boy just keep playing with mommy’s nipples like that.” I say a little breathless.

I slip my hand into his diaper and just as my hand reaches the tip of his little cock he begins to piss right into my palm. I laugh a little and look at him a she pauses his suckling. His cheeks flame red, “I’m sorry mommy I couldn’t hold it.” He’s so fucking cute.

“It’s okay baby you can go pee when you need to you know that. It’s why you have a diaper on to be able to lose control over your bowels and bladder whenever you need.” His stream continues as it hits my hand and I press down on the slit it’s pouring out of feeling the force of it. His piss is so warm on my hand as it fills his already soaked diaper.

He smiles and nuzzles my breast and begins to suckle again as he pisses in my hand. He’s so fucking sexy sometimes I can’t believe he’s all mine.

My sweet little boy.🍼😍💦🥰

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pseudowho · 5 months

Text

(MASTERLIST DISCONTINUED- PLEASE SEE PINNED POST ON MY BLOG FOR NEW RESTRUCTURED MASTERLIST!)

Pseudowho's Original JJK Masterlist

Scroll through to see...

Nanami Kento

Higuruma Hiromi

Suguru Geto

Choso Kamo

Aoi Todo

JJK multi-character fics

Nanami Kento Masterlist

Updated: 28th March 2024

REQUESTS CLOSED

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🔥 Smut 💔 Angst 💕 Romance

☕ Comfort/Fluff 🤡 Clowning

🐙 Monsterfucking. 📚 Education (*dirty laugh*)

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1st of December 🔥☕💕 -- No-Nut November is over-- but Nanami Kento won't let you get away with it that easily.

7:3 🤡 -- Nanami Kento never thought about his 7:3 pattern...a fourth wall breaking moment.

"Dad Reflexes" Ask and Drabble 🤡💕☕-- Nanami Kento can catch anything.

Daylight Robbery 💕☕🔥-- when Gojo asks Nanami to cuckold him and his fiancée, things don't go the way Gojo planned...

Debellatio 🔥💕-- a Nanami x Reader x Higuruma sex-pollen threesome.

Ditch the Party 🔥💕-- Nanami Kento hates parties. But the drinks? The drinks make him bold.

Domain Expansion theory-- Pseudowho's vision of Nanami Kento's domain expansion.

Edging Nanami Kento 🔥💕-- The reader drives Nanami Kento to the edge and back again.

Fire and Iron 💕☕🔥-- AU!Nanami Kento is the town blacksmith, and the reader is forced to stay the night after tending to his wounds.

Full 🔥☕💕-- Nanami Kento treats his pregnant wife like the goddess she is.

Glory Glory 🔥☕💕-- "Help, I'm stuck!" on a mission with Kento, and he takes full advantage of the compromising position.

Good Boy 🔥💕-- after a bad day, you know exactly what Kento needs to help him relax...

Good Girl 💕🤡 -- a drabble

Grandpapamin ☕💕-- Nanami Kento as a grandfather, Headcanons.

Grey 🔥💔💕-- The reader lives a vigilante life; so does Nanami Kento, a changed man after the events of Shibuya. When she is sent to hunt him down, Nanami Kento has a proposition for her.

Grey! Nanami Headcanons Part One ☕💕💔-- post-Shibuya Nanami Kento x Reader headcanons.

Grey! Nanami Headcanons Part Two ☕💕💔-- post-Shibuya Nanami Kento x Reader headcanons.

Grey! Nanami Christmas ⛄🎄 Headcanons ☕💕💔-- post-Shibuya Nanami Kento x Reader Headcanons.

Hanahaki 💕☕💔-- being in love with you is killing Nanami Kento.

Hide and Seek 🔥-- Game night gets spicy.

"How well can you drive?" 🔥 -- the reader takes matters into her own mouth so Kento can prove his driving skills.

Infiltration (MULTI-CHAPTER) 🔥☕💔💕

(COMPLETE!) --the reader and Nanami Kento must pretend to be married, infiltrating a Curse-user cult to take it down from the inside.

Chapter One: Introduction

Chapter Two: Pillow Talk

Chapter Three: Deadly Games

Chapter Four: The Rumbling Shrine

Chapter Five: Breaking Point

Chapter Six: Exposed

Chapter Seven: The Captive Goddess

Chapter Eight: Unchained

In From the Cold ☕🔥💕-- The reader wanders in the snow, lost and injured after a mission gone wrong; will Nanami Kento save her?

Kento Comes Home Drunk 🔥💕-- and the reader handles his advances like a total champ.

And, its sequel... Reader Comes Home Drunk 🔥 💕-- where Kento manages the reader's advances like an absolute champ.

Knismolagnia 🔥💕-- Kento has a somewhat...erotic response to being tickled.

Last Moments 💔☕-- Nanami Kento remembers a childhood holiday.

Nanami Kento, and the Curses of an Unusual Nature (MULTI-CHAPTER) -- Nanami Kento is deemed the only Sorcerer sensible enough to handle some frankly weird Curses

- Chapter 1: Gone Shopping 🤡 -- locals are going missing at a large shopping centre; Nanami Kento is sent to investigate.

Nanami Kento's Massive Squeezable Man Tiddies 🔥☕-- the reader being casually obsessed with Kento's chest...repost link HERE!

Operation Babymaker (a new series!) 💕💔🔥☕ -- Nanami Kento takes trying for a baby very seriously indeed.

A Trip to the Tailors-- the reader reveals she's been off the pill for months, and Kento cannot contain himself.

Benchpress-- the reader interrupts Kento's workout, and is manhandled into submission.

Ditch the Party...again-- tipsy Kento is back, and deadlier than ever.

Wet Dreams-- Kento gives the reader a free-pass for when he's asleep...and he returns the favour

Raising You ☕💔💕-- When the reader is de-aged by a Curse, Nanami is forced to raise her like a daughter.

Red 🔥💔-- Nanami Kento, the infamous Curse-user, has been on the run for years...what will you do when he catches up to you?

Resolute ☕💔💕-- The reader helps Nanami to accept that he has a drinking problem.

Seasons of Grief 🔥💔💕☕ -- The reader supports Nanami Kento through the anniversary of Yuu Haibara's death, and afterwards, when Kento nearly loses the reader

Shirtsleeves 🔥 -- The reader steals Kento's last shirt, and receives her comeuppance.

Still Got It ☕💕-- The Nanami kids' parents are boring...right?

Stoic 💕🔥-- Kento is furious when Gojo assumes that his lack of PDA towards the reader shows a lack of desire.

The Accumulation of Little Despairs ☕💔💕 -- The reader struggles with low-mood; Nanami Kento comes to the rescue

The Chase 🔥💕-- The reader has insisted on No-Nut November; Nanami Kento gets his revenge by hunting her down and taking his reward.

Why I love Nanami Kento

Yet Another Sex Pollen Fic, PART ONE 🔥💕

And...PART TWO 🔥💕 -- the reader has a problem... and only Nanami Kento can help her scratch the itch.

Higuruma Hiromi Masterlist

Updated: 6th March 2024

REQUESTS CLOSED

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Calamus et Gladius (the pen and the sword) 🔥💕💔☕-- slow-burn, enemies to lovers Culling Game smut with Higuruma and a foreign reader

Daddy 🔥☕💕-- dating apps are a hazard for men like Higuruma Hiromi...

Debellatio 🔥💕-- a Higuruma x Reader x Nanami sex-pollen threesome

Fellatio 🔥-- the bathtub lawyer receives head in his office.

Fumus et Ignis 🔥💕-- sometimes, Hiromi smokes and ties you up while he makes you ride him.

Glory Glory 🔥☕-- 'Help, I'm Stuck!' with Hiromi, two bottles of wine and a compromising position with his gavel.

Hiromi and Nemo ☕-- tales of Higuruma Hiromi, and his little black cat.

Hiromi Higuruma Relationship Headcanons ☕🔥💕

In Flagrante Delicto 💔☕🔥💕-- Higuruma struggles to adapt to life as a sorcerer, refusing all of your offers to help...until he needs you.

"I've Committed a Crime" Ask and Drabble 🤡💕-- Higuruma is a ruthless tease

Jus in Bello: A Judicious Domain 💔🔥💕-- The reader throws Higuruma out of their home after they struggle to adapt to his new Cursed power...and the reader must then hunt him down in the Culling Game, to bring him home.

Men with Big Noses 🔥💕-- you reveal a kink for Higuruma's nose, and he shows you exactly what he can do with that.

Milk and Honey 💕🔥-- Hiromi is obsessed with your milk, and loves you while you sleep.

Office Besties ☕💕-- Hiromi and you are just friends...right?

Sanguis et Vinum 🔥💕-- period sex with Higuruma

Shower drabble ☕💕-- Higuruma comforts you after a bad day.

The Stairwell 🔥💕-- You've been teasing Higuruma all day at the office; he catches up to you, eventually.

Vinum Rubrum 🔥💕-- wine is better when you share a glass...and your mouths.

The Widow's Keeper ☕💔💕-- The reader and Higuruma traverse the complexities of love and grief, after the death of Nanami Kento, her first husband.

"Your Honour" Ask and Drabble 💕🤡🔥-- Hiromi forgets your name as he cums.

Suguru Geto Masterlist

Updated: 23rd February 2024

REQUESTS OPEN!

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Deadly Nightshade 🐙🔥💕-- a Suguru Geto "sex pollen" fic.

Kamo Choso Masterlist

Updated: 28th December 2023

REQUESTS OPEN!

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Glory Glory 🔥☕-- 'Help, I'm stuck!' on a mission together, and virgin Choso is offered the opportunity of a lifetime.

Snowhere to Go ☕💕-- When your date plans are foiled by the snow, you and Choso make your own fun with a stack of old board games.

Aoi Todo Masterlist

Updated: 27th January 2024

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Act of the Soul 🔥-- Aoi Todo uses his Boogie Boogie on the reader during sex.

JJK's Multi-Character Masterlist

Updated: 31st March 2024

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Being gross in long-term comfortable relationships ☕💕-- with Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Yuuta, Maki, Megumi, Nobara, Yuuji and Ino

"Cumfaces" Ask and Drabble 🤡

Defending Your Honour ☕💕-- the JJK boys are sick of the creeps and perverts who harass our dear reader.

Nanami, Todo and Geto

Higuruma, Ino and Yuuji

Gojo, Megumi and Nobara, Inumaki and Toji

Firemen 💔☕💕-- the JJK Crew rescue the Reader, and fall in love at the same time.

Nanami and Higuruma Aesthetics: ☕ 'Besto Friendos' dichotomies

Neat Suit/Messy Suit

Cold Anger/Hot Anger

"Stay down!" Fighter/"Get Up!" Fighter

City-Skyline Penthouse/Converted-Factory Penthouse aesthetics

IKEA Flat-pack Aesthetics

How They Ejaculate 🔥📚-- a physiological ejaculation study of Gojo, Nanami, Geto, Choso, Toji, Higuruma and TrueForm!Sukuna

Penis Synonym Smutfics 🤡🔥 -- with Nanami Kento, Hiromi Higuruma, Takuma Ino, Gojo Satoru and Inumaki Toge

Penpals (a Panda fic) 🐼☕-- he didn't mean to Catfish you. Honestly.

Shower Mat 🔥💕-- the reader buys an 'old lady shower mat'...that makes shower shenanigans suddenly possible.

Takuma Ino as a Young Dad ☕💕-- when Takuma unexpectedly becomes a father...

The Rebounds 🔥💕-- Yuuta and Maki show you the date of your life, after you're dumped

They Find You Wearing This...Unsexy Monstrosity 🤡 -- with Itadori Yuuji, Satoru Gojo, Higuruma, Sukuna, Toji, Nanami and Suguru

2K notes · View notes

bettsfic · 2 years

Text

today is my birthday! i’m 33 today and i have done an ungodly amount of stupid shit in my life that honestly probably should have gotten me killed. so here are 33 hard-won things i’ve learned that i wish someone had told me sooner.

whenever you buy an object, you are going to own that object for your entire life unless you make the conscious decision to throw it away or give it a new home. maybe other people don’t struggle with this as much as i do, but i’ve grown to become a little exhausted by finding a thing and realizing i don’t want it anymore, but i don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it. signed, a woman with a packed 10x10 storage unit who is now extremely hesitant to buy new things.

food, and by that i mean good food (and by that i don’t necessarily mean healthy food, but food of good quality that you love), is necessary to live, and buying it, preparing it, and eating it is not a chore. the sooner you accept this and make food a priority in your life, the healthier you’ll be.

speaking of food, not everything you buy should be the cheapest version of it. personally i’ve found it’s always worth it to splurge on good olive oil, butter, and canned tomatoes. for years i thought i was an awful cook because i was cooking with cheap, disgusting olive oil that made my food taste like shit.

speaking of food part 2, i can’t BELIEVE how long this took me to figure out, but mise en place is the real real. get your shit out and organized and prepped *before* you start cooking, even if it makes things take longer. and yes, it is always worth it to do the dishes as you go, which pisses me off.

when i was teaching myself how to cook and feeling daunted about it, the best advice i ever got was to aim to learn 15 recipes and then put them in rotation.

this is the most horrific and awful truth i have forced myself to accept: there may come a day you can no longer digest your favorite foods, and you will either have to stop eating them, or remain very close to a toilet. i’m sorry.

other people are always going to misperceive you and misunderstand you, sometimes willfully. other people’s opinions of you don’t actually have anything to do with you. they’re not your business, and you don’t have to worry about it or change yourself.

when innocuous or neutral things make you irrationally angry or upset, step back, realize you’re having a big reaction, and then when you’re ready, pay very close attention to the thing that upset you, because you’re about to learn something important about yourself.

a pill sorter can save your life. i don’t know how i managed my meds without one.

sometimes college is about learning stuff, and not about becoming something.

no matter how many perfectionist tendencies you have, it’s worth it to remind yourself that no matter how much of a mess you actually are, you deserve to be loved.

if you’re always forgetting to do important but tedious things, set an alarm and set aside one hour of each week, not to do the important tedious things, but to assess what needs to be done, and *schedule* the important tedious things for the following week. this literally changed my life.

during that hour, make a meal plan too. the point of doing this is condense the time in which you’re making decisions (what to do, what to eat, etc) so you don’t have to burden yourself with them throughout the week. decision fatigue is real. any way you can alleviate that is a good thing.

learn the difference between aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive behavior. recognize when you’re being one of the first three, re-assess and aim for being assertive, even if it’s hard.

you can tell you’ve processed trauma, not when the traumatic thing stops upsetting you to think about, but when the traumatic thing takes up the same size in your brain as all your other memories.

if you’re one of those people who never seems to finish projects or follow through with things, there’s a chance you may just grow out of it naturally. until then, follow your interests and don’t feel bad about putting down a hobby to pick up another.

if you love stickers but have sticker anxiety, buy vinyl stickers. you can re-stick them.

there are only a few careers i can think of that you have to commit to early in life because getting the undergraduate credentials is a pain in the ass (teachers, doctors, and engineers, from my research). nearly everything else you can switch to later, which takes a LOT of pressure off having to figure out what you want to do with your life.

people say there’s no money in becoming an artist, writer, musician, etc. actually there’s a ton of money in all of those things, it’s just in the stuff other people want you to make and never what you want to make. it’s still worth it to develop the creative skill and not force yourself into business school because it’s more “practical” or whatever.

sleep when you’re tired. SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE TIRED. don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t be tired or that you’ve already slept too much, just take a fucking nap. you would never say “hm i’ve already had enough water today, therefore i should not be thirsty” so don’t treat sleep the same way.

when you build a piece of furniture from target or ikea or whatever, the first thing you should do is count all the little screws and things to make sure everything’s there that should be. it sucks to get halfway into putting something together only to find there’s a piece missing and you have to go buy it.

learn to travel by yourself, go out to eat by yourself, see a movie by yourself. in my early 20s i was scared to do these things, but i do them so often now i don’t even think about it. it’s the most fulfilling skill i’ve ever learned.

adding to the above, if you’re a people-pleaser, being alone is especially important, because you’ve probably developed the habit of making the people you’re with more comfortable and happy than yourself, and you’re missing a lot of the beautiful and interesting things around you. when you’re by yourself, you can focus on what *you* want without guilt.

sometimes you’ll want to break things off with a friend for reasons that are no one’s fault, and you don’t want it to be volatile or make a big thing of it, in which case the goal is to simply fade out of their life. it is okay to let people go.

shame is useless. get rid of it.

no matter how much of yourself you put into your art (or writing, or music, or whatever), when people criticize it, they are not criticizing you. they are having a reaction colored by their own tastes and perspectives. their opinion of your work has nothing to do with you. you don’t have to take everyone’s feedback. in fact you don’t have to take anyone’s feedback. the other side to this coin unfortunately is that compliments don’t have anything to do with you either. it’s good to accept this because it means you’ll stop seeking validation from other people and won’t let anyone else’s perspectives impact your work. anything nice anyone says about your work is merely a bonus to an already good thing.

if you’re an artist of any kind, take one day a year to look up opportunities like grants, funding, residencies, workshops, whatever. put the due dates of all of them on a calendar for the year following and get into the habit of applying for stuff. getting rejected sucks, application fees suck, but in all the years i’ve been doing this, it has always, always been worth it. these things give you a chance not only to help fund and support what you’re passionate about, but they force you to take your own work seriously, and that is something that’s absolutely necessary in order to be successful.

you must become your own greatest advocate. in all respects--in health, in love, in happiness, in freedom, you must. no one will ever fight as hard for you as you will. this in turn will give you the strength and motivation to help others fight for themselves too. the only way the world will ever get better is if every person on this planet learns to see themselves as equals to everyone around them.

brag about yourself as often as you can. for one, people develop their perceptions of you based on how you treat yourself and speak about yourself. but for two, it’s the fastest way to figure out which people to keep in your life, because they’re the ones who are going “oh hell yeah, you’re awesome.”

be the person other people want to brag to.

at some point in your life, someone is going to hurt you, and it’s going to be willful and intentional. it is not worth it to waste brain space figuring out why they did it or why you think you deserved it. all you have to do is let yourself feel that pain, acknowledge it, and try to move on.

no matter how bad off you think you are, recovery is possible. the first and hardest step is to learn you’re worth the time and effort it takes to recover from the awful things that have happened to you.

developing an expertise does not mean you’re getting objectively better at something. becoming an expert is only the process of seeing your mistakes and having the patience to sit in the discomfort of not knowing how to fix them.

#writing advice

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