#her personality always drained me and i honestly can say that i probably did the same to her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spookyserenades · 4 months

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I’VE NEVER WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE SKULL MORE-

but I wanna punch u in like a loving way ya know 🥹🥺🙈🙊🙉😭

ok i didnt have time to talk abt last chapter, but honestly all u have to know is that i loved every single word, every punctuation mark, every period, every space-

omg this chapter was wild i cant-

yoongi and y/n, I’ve never met a couple whose good and bad at communication at the same time i cant- no cause like him writing a song for her bc of her, when he played it i imaged Butterfly for some reason, the melody is so beautiful on the piano 🥺🥹 omg not him with his shirt off at the b-ball court. He rlly flexing huh, yeah sure ur too HOT 🥵 omg she got a vision, LIKE HER MOM! Will this be a reoccurring theme with her? Oooo. OMG THAT FIRST KISS WAS SO SWEET WHEN IT SORT OF CAME FULL CIRCLE WITH YOONGI ASKING HER TO KISS HIM! AND THEN HIM ASKING FOR MORE OMG ITS SO HOT WTF I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS HORNY YET BUT UR WRITING IS JUST 🤌🏼 💋 THEY ARE IN LOOOOVE FR LIKE WE KNEW THEY BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS, SO HEAD OVER HEELS THEY COULDNT GET SLEEP FOR WEEKS/DAYS~ OH MAN SECRET RELATIONSHIP YEAH WELL-

omg wtf yeah secret relationship went down the drain lol. Either hobi’s hearing is super good and he’s near the room or everyone heard y/n fucking whining into yoongis mouth dam. Or he saw that quick kiss in her room omg ur cliffhangers dana drive me INSANE! Hobi is such a tease too! Now him teasing her for her heart palpitations poor girl cant handle all the handsome men around her like same girlie pop-I do wonder how this will effect the hybrids dynamics with each other and her 🤔

omg jinnies b day he deserves the world. Not him feeding her, he KNEW what he was doing and in FRONT of everyone too 😏 him warming up her hands with his breath i cant- and then going to take cooking class in February. HIM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HERRRR 😭 him saying lets go home bc home is smth he never truly haddd and he feels safe mow eeek😭😭😭😭

Omg not tae driving the way home- KNOWING THE WAY HOOOME. No cause like you can tell they probably all know the way home by heart bc they cherish her and the house sm its means so much to them i cant i actually had to stop reading after that line bc i got so emotional. Omg tae is taking his photography seriously 🥰 im so glad hes really delving into his passion! Omg their ID’s lol they must be so cute and funny 😆

ofc jimin is a responsible cutie we love, cant wait to see more scenes with him later~ but him saying y/n looks good in any photo ✋ stop sir u are such a charmer i cant- eeeeeek

omg joonie so cute. He cares for her sm and he’s the type of person to not beat around the bush. He cares and wants her to be straightforward when shes upset 😭 eeeek

omg the scene with jk- i LOVE BANTER SM and their scenes always crack me up. Jk’s dialogue is so fun! No not her giving the puppy dog eyes 🥺 and it not working… or maybe it did 😏 omg and her being bold with that KISS ON THE CHEEK- i was imagining jk when he gets surprised or zones out 😲 its so funny 😂 omg y/n has W Rizz for sure~

omg ben already predicted this my mans was just waiting for her to catch up- its so good to see him again I love y/n’s friends. Him lifting her up but also humoring her is SO what i would do if my friend was in a similar situation! Like Y/N GIRLIE POP I ARE THE IT GIRL U GOT NOTHIN TO WORRY ABT!

THANK YOU SM FOR THIS UPDATE I LOVE U SM DANA!!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Remember, make sure to take care of urself first and foremost! 😤 Love you byeeee~

FDJSKAFHDSAF I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO PUNCH MY SKULL LMAO!! I'm so so happy that you loved the last two chapters, there was SO much that went down, I can't wait to chat about them hehehe 💜

SO fhdjsaf you're right on the money with Yoongi and MC not knowing how to communicate with each other for SHIT. Like I think they rely on telepathy or vibes too much, neither of them are mind readers... so much of their conflict these past two chapters could have been resolved if they just sat down and talked calmly about things for an hour or so!!! 💀BUT stop it right now Butterfly is one of my favorite BTS songs, so so gorgeous on the piano, and I could imagine a very similar melody that Yoongi would write for MC being something like that too. 🦋

HNNNNGGGFF Yoongi all sweaty on the court without his shirt.... damp long hair....teasing MC the whole way UGH I just know that I'd be drooling! 🥵And with that vision WHEW I'm so happy I could incorporate that into MC's character finally, I will say that this is something that will begin to happen more frequently for MC-- ever since she has been diving more into her spirituality and practices, her psychic abilities have been getting stronger.

The kiss. THE KISS!!! I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE SOME ROMANCE FOREVER NOW MY GOODNESS IT TOOK 13 CHAPTERS!! I just feel like Yoongi is such a 0 to 100 kind of guy when it comes to kisses, sweet and tender to begin with, then BAM super passionate and intense. I really really loved writing that scene, I'd say that Yoongi was truly desperate and yearning for MC for so long that he couldn't help but beg for more hnnnnngggg. But now they have to tip toe around for a little bit until they figure out how to tell the others, which turns into MORE yearning and AH I wanna chew on my drywall!!!! 👹

djkafdakfdask I'm excited to continue off where we left off! You know I always gotta leave you all on a cliffhanger. I wonder how MC is going to dodge Hoseok's questioning, and we don't know if he heard those two making out (he shouldn't have been able to, the music room is soundproofed...) or was perceptive to how weird MC and Yoongi were being with each other. I also feel like if Hoseok heard them, some of the others would as well, and I can think of a few (Namjoon, Tae, Seokjin for ex.) that would probably bust down that door!!! But also your theory of Hoseok possibly catching their kiss in the hallway is something that could have happened eeeee. Also I love teasing Hoseok as well he raises my blood pressure... poor MC can't even hide her heartrate from them!

UGH Jinnie's birthday he's such a sweet darling, I love that he was able to go out somewhere yummy to eat and spend time with everyone. I also really love when he feeds MC... it's so hot to me idk why like yes PLS grab my face and stare at me and treat me like a princess Jin!!! Always making sure she's warm, wanting to go to the cooking class with just her, and feeling truly at home with her and in their house I CAN'T He's just such a love. 😍

Tae baby... just like Jin, he knows where home is now and AH they're just all getting so close. You're so right, they really cherish her so so much. Tae and his photography too is so fun to write about, it's nice that he gets to express himself creatively and the other hybrids let him take their ID pictures was a sweet hidden moment that I'm happy you noticed!

Definitely more Jimin on the way!! It's been the Yoongi show for a bit, but that's just how I've planned these few chapters. Don't worry, each of them will get their turns to be the stars, which I'm super excited about in the future! Charmer Libra Jimin is my Roman Empire, totally more of a flirt and a romantic as time goes on. Joon UGH!! My little wolf, he's warmed up so much to MC, and he's very straightforward and stern like you said-- ever since the Incident, he seems to be very concerned about weather or not MC is feeling upset.

HA I love writing MC and Jeongguk's interactions, they're both such little shits and you can tell when they get on each other's nerves, but it's less antagonistic these days and more playful. He totally called her out for pouting, and while it might work for some of the others, it doesn't on him LOL. But she got him back with that kiss, huh? I bet she's been dying to do that for months...

I'm PSYCHED you mentioned Ben. He's my favorite side character to write, and it's nice that MC is able to confide in him about any of her worries. You're right, he totally caught onto her having crushes on all of them (it's probably dead obvious to him) But ahh it makes me so happy that you love him as well!! I agree, I'd probably act the same way towards MC if I were Ben-- teasing her but trying to encourage as well. 🫣

FDJAKSFH THANK YOU FOR READING AND SENDING ME SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS!!! As always I look forward to what you have to say about updates, and I love you sm as well! Hope you had lovely holidays and a fun new year my sweets! 😘💜

#asks #trouvaille #dana's thoughts

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hellsbellschime · 9 months

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So I'm really at the end of my rope, bitching and moaning under the cut

So for those of you who haven't been around since the stone age or just aren't in the know, my mom is bipolar. Her doctors in their infinite wisdom decided to test taking her off lithium, and shock of all shockers she is now manic as fuck. Like I just got an email from my landlords threatening possible eviction if her erratic behavior doesn't stop even though we haven't even been here for six months level manic.

So, given that she's literally mentally ill and is a selfish, manipulative, uncaring asshole even when she's medicated, she took my brand new car (it literally doesn't even have 1k miles on it yet) probably like 17 hours ago at this point (I have a time-stamped DM about it from like 13 hours ago), did something to damage it enough to need one of the tires replaced (and she says it's fine but somehow doubting it) EARLY YESTERDAY AFTERNOON and she still hasn't come home. I have called repeatedly, she has occasionally answered, and even giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt in the world it should have taken her about 20 minutes to get home when I called two hours ago.

Honestly my level of stress is just unreal, not only has she managed to abscond with and fuck up the most valuable thing I have ever owned in my life that is brand new and was a pretty huge thing for me to even get in the first place, but as you can imagine, this is not my first rodeo so the childhood trauma triggering is A LOT. And I just can't help but hate myself for not disengaging from this mess, deadass I moved to California as soon as I graduated from college specifically so this would not have to be my life anymore, and now here I am going through this same shit years later and never fully being able to enjoy my life and accomplishments because I have to wrangle a literal crazy person who has no one else.

It just sucks, I never asked for this, and unsurprisingly every other person in her life has tapped out over the years because it's too much and she's just too unkind for anyone to power through it for her so-called good times. She has said many times that she would have literally died at some point if it weren't for me, and while I obviously don't want her dead, that is an ENORMOUS amount of responsibility that I never asked for, and it is a responsibility that has drained a lot of good out of my life. I know everyone has to deal with shit, but having to deal with a mentally ill person who just takes and takes and takes and will tell you you're an asshole every time you try to genuinely help them just completely sucks the life out of you. At this point I wish she would just go off and live her dream crackhead life and leave me out of it, FFS we've been living in our new apartment for 5 months and she hasn't given me rent money once so at least I know I can do it on my own if necessary, and I'm just so fucking SPENT. For god's sake, I just called her again in the process of writing this damn post and she started yelling at me as if I'M the asshole in this scenario.

I just want to sit and cry and have the biggest pity party in the world and more than that I JUST WANT THIS FUCKING SHIT TO END and I want to feel like I can have a full life rather than trying to play cleanup crew for a person who treats me this way. I never dislike myself more than I do when I'm around her, and I hate that pity for someone who is frankly a complete asshole even on the best day has kept me trapped in a situation where I always feel like I'm my worst, saddest, meanest self. I'm just so fucking over it and don't want the responsibility of holding someone's life together when it feels like all I've done and dealt with since I was a kid. So all of you mfers better send all of your pity feels my way because literally no one on planet earth has a more difficult life than I do!

#real life woes

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chaotic-super · 2 years

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Live With Me - Chapter 2

Summary:

When a pipe bursts in Kara's apartment she is forced to move into her girlfriend of only a month's apartment temporarily but things take a turn when Kara and Lena realize that something more sinister may be at play.

Read Live With Me on Ao3 here!

Jess follows Kara around the store morosely. The cart squeaks with each corner they take, and with each item that is tossed inside the cart, Jess takes a deep breath to prevent herself from getting diabetes just by looking at what Kara is picking up. She definitely shouldn’t criticize her boss’ partner’s snack choices.

“Kara, are you sure we need this many snacks?” Jess imagines that this is what she would feel like if she was the mom of a very stubborn toddler.

Kara stops when she hears Jess’ question and evaluates the amount of food in the cart. They may have grabbed more than just a little bit of cheese.

“Oops. We should probably go check out before I buy the whole store.”

Jess gives her a look that says, you think?

Kara can sense that Jess is in a bad mood and works to begin rectifying that. “Can I get you something in particular?”

“No thank you, Kara.”

Well, that didn’t work. “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”

“Not really.”

This is not easy. Well, if she can’t get on her good side, she can at least badger her for advice. “Do you think Lena actually has a problem with me moving in but doesn’t want to say it?”

For the first time since they left the penthouse, Jess actually takes more than just a glance at Kara. She isn’t really sure how the other woman’s brain works for her to go from awkward small talk to deep, personal questions. “What makes you ask?”

Kara begins to fidget, picking at the skin around her nails nervously. “I guess I’m just worried that she is only letting me stay out of pity and that I’m just sort of…” She struggles to find the right words. “…encroaching on her space and she is too nice to just tell me to go find somewhere else to go quickly.”

Jess stops the cart. She is far too tired to be dealing with this, but Lena is a dear friend and if that means she has to reassure her golden retriever girlfriend then that is what she will do.

“Honestly Kara, I don’t think that it is an issue at all.” She watches Kara look up at her hopefully. She is pretty cute, she can see why Lena likes her, when she’s not talking at least. “Lena has only ever let one person have unrestricted access to her and that is you. She has always told me that if she has visitors I have to come in with an excuse to end the visit after forty-five minutes because she can’t tolerate it for longer than that, but she told me not to do that with you.”

Kara scrunches her nose slightly. “I’ll have to talk to her about that forty-five-minute thing.”

“What I’m trying to say is that you are the only person she not only tolerates being around her for long periods of time but also enjoys being around.” Jess smiles at her softly when Kara ducks her head as her cheeks flush.

“Thanks, Jess, that really helped me feel better. I guess I will just talk to Lena about it anyway to make sure we are on the same page still.”

Jess carries on walking, “she once told me social interactions make her feel drained but after your visits, she is always ten times happier than she was before. You don’t drain her, you make her feel invigorated.”

Kara smiles brightly and is about to respond when she sees something out of the corner of her eye.

There is a camera poking out around the corner of the aisle, pointing right at her. She takes a second to understand what she is looking at and when she does she taps Jess’ arm and points at it. When she does it is clear that the owner of the camera knows they just got made because they whip it back around the corner quickly.

She follows it, heading over to where she saw it. Jess stays right beside her.

“Did you see that too?”

“Yep, is it a good idea to go after it?”

They keep on moving, reaching the end of the aisle and looking both ways. They see a man dressed in all black with a baseball cap on and a camera in hand duck into another aisle a little ways ahead of them, glancing back over his shoulder with wide eyes when he sees them coming after him.

“Probably not, so we won’t tell Lena that we did.”

“Deal.” Jess agrees.

They ditch the cart, they can always come back for it in a few minutes after all. They turn their heads as they pass each aisle, looking for the one the cameraman turned down. There is no way he isn’t shady because you don’t run unless you’re doing something bad.

They reach the end of the store and the last aisle and find it empty, so they head back the other way, still searching for the man but alas, he appears to have escaped.

“Can we both agree that dude was definitely up to something bad?” Kara scratches her head in confusion at the scene that just occurred.

Jess looks equally perplexed, that is a new one for her. “Yeah, let’s just go get the cart and check out. I don’t want to stay any longer than I have to with a psycho on the loose.”

That’s a sentiment Kara is one hundred percent on board with. “Ok, let’s go.”

They immediately head back to where they left the cart, still swivelling their heads down each aisle as they pass it but not expecting to see him. He’s long gone.

Within a couple of minutes, they are back at the cart but something strange catches their eyes. It has been messed with. The snacks have obviously been rearranged into an order where everything is clearly visible.

“Oh god, that’s super creepy.” Jess doesn’t even want to touch the cart now. “I think he came back and took a picture of what was in the cart. He was certainly taking a picture of you. I have no doubts about it now.”

Kara stands wide-eyed, looking between the cart and Jess frantically. “Me? He could be after you.”

“You’re the weird one, it’s unquestionably you.” Jess is absolutely convinced, she is relatively normal whereas Kara is more…eccentric.

Kara pushes the cart away from them. “I’m not taking that now, let’s just go back.”

“That’s for the best, he might have put a tracker in your Oreos or something.” They make their way out of the grocery store, their eyes looking out for anything odd.

“Don’t say that!”

The door is pushed open quickly and locked behind them. Jess and Kara share a look of relief at being back before heading into the living room.

“Hey guys, you took longer than I thought you would. Where’s the charcuterie board?” Alex smiles up at them from the couch.

Kara sits next to Lena, acknowledging their other friends now that they have arrived. Nia and Brainy are sitting together on the couch and Winn and James are on the floor in front of the coffee table.

“We were…um…just trying to find one, they didn’t have one, so we just came back. Right, Jess?” She shoots her a pointed look. She doesn’t want to worry everyone and would rather just tell Lena and Alex in private.

Jess sits next to Alex. “Yeah, I convinced her not to just fill the cart with garbage instead.”

“Oreos are not garbage.”

“I beg to differ.”

Kara turns to Lena, who looks a little worried. “I’m never going grocery shopping with Jess again.”

Jess calls from the other side of the room. “Good.”

The others are looking between the two like they are watching a verbal table tennis match.

Alex lets out a long drawn-out ��right.”

She takes a sip of her drink and prepares the game Jess picked out earlier. Monopoly is going to get everyone tearing each other to pieces very quickly so it should be fun to watch at least, if not to play.

They jump right in, Kara and Jess exchanging a look every now and again that Lena pretends that she doesn’t see and that it doesn’t bother her until Kara excuses herself to get a drink and asks Lena to help her.

They reach the kitchen in record time and Lena leans into Kara. “What’s going on? I can tell that something is happening, and you don’t want to tell me for some reason.”

Kara holds her hands out. “I know, you know. I just wanted to wait until we could get away from the others.”

Lena takes Kara’s hands in hers, angling their bodies away from their friends as they keep on playing, ignoring them since they went bankrupt a while ago. “Did something happen at the store?”

“There was a guy trying to take pictures of us and when we spotted him he made a break for it. All I could see was that he was wearing all black and had a baseball cap on.”

Lena gasps, immediately checking Kara over to make sure there isn’t so much as a single hair out of place. “Are you alright? Did you get hurt?”

“No, nothing like that but we checked the store after to see if we could see him but couldn’t find him and when we got back to our cart it had been messed with.” Kara tries to reassure Lena that she is alright, rubbing her forearms soothingly.

Lena scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. “Messed with in what way?”

“Like it had been laid out so he could take a picture of what was inside. We left it there in case he did anything else to it.”

Lena brings her hand to her head, raking her fingers through it from the stress. This fully confirms what Alex had theorized earlier. Someone is after Kara. She goes to answer but they are interrupted by James.

“Hey ladies, what are you doing hiding over here?” He comes up behind them, placing an arm over each of their shoulders.

Lena immediately shrugs it off, so he puts a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “Well, I never.”

“We’re avoiding you, can’t you tell?” Kara laughs, her smile wide but ingenuine. Lena can tell she is still shaken from what happened but is putting on a brave face for the sake of the group. James takes it all at face value.

“Alright, I can see where I’m not wanted.” He turns away dramatically, sauntering off but shooting them a smile over his shoulder to show he was only kidding.

Lena wants to find out more about what happened, but Kara is already pouring them more drinks and dragging her back over to the others by her hand, this time dropping them down next to Jess and Alex.

Kara is directly next to Jess and whispers to her. “I told Lena, did you tell Alex?”

“Yes, I’m really glad that’s what that strange wide-eyed eyebrow raise you gave me meant, it was very baffling to decipher.” Jess elbows Alex lightly to get her to join the conversation.

“Kara Danvers, you are never allowed outside ever again, do you hear me?” Alex points a finger at her and she looks to Lena for help but instead, she gets betrayed.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m ready to keep you hostage in here with me forever. At least I know you are safe here because of how much security I have downstairs.” Lena keeps a tight grip of her hand on kara’s thigh.

It is a clear sign that Lena is feeling scared and stressed about the situation and that fact alone makes Kara feel bad, despite knowing that it isn’t totally her fault, but Kara does enjoy the feeling of Lena’s hand nevertheless as it helps to keep her grounded and calm.

Kara sulks back into the couch. “At least I can add this to my article.”

Lena, Alex and Jess all look at her like she has two heads.

Alex jams her elbow into her ribs. “Want to fill us in on that?”

Kara sends her a puzzled stare. “What?”

“The article, dummy. Do you think it’s related?”

“Oh!” It clicks in Kara’s mind. Today has been stressful so she has a reason to be a little off. “It’s about a new deal made between Maxwell Lord and the government. According to a few inside sources, they are working together to use prisoners for human testing for his science projects.”

Lena scoffs, disgusted. “I’m going to guess that they aren’t about to give the prisoners a choice in the matter based on the fact that the government is hiding the deal? That’s morally reprehensible.”

Kara points at her. “Gold star for Lena. I talked to a few past employees, and it has all been building up for the past few years. They are planning on opening a new prison designed with a science lab and only transfer prisoners with life sentences there that have never had any previous visitors and familial contact, so they don’t get exposed by their relatives.”

Jess shakes her head, visibly outraged. “That’s sick.”

“I know, that’s why I was doing an article to expose them, but someone must have reported back to Maxwell Lord that I was planning on outing his plan.”

The other three women sink back into the couch too, joining Kara in her sulking.

“I don’t think it was any of my sources, I didn’t get a read on any of them that would suggest that they were still working for Lord, and I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering people,” Kara says with an even tone.

Alex leans back forward again. “So, the only other people that knew about the article would be your co-workers at CatCo. That gives us a place to start looking.”

Before they could ask her what she is looking for they get interrupted by Nia whooping across the room, having won the game. “I win! Come on guys, you can gossip later, I want to do Pictionary next!”

They join the others, putting on fake smiles. Lena leans over and whispers into Alex and Jess’ ears. “If Maxwell is working with the government then this is going to be really bad, I’m going to need both of you to help me if we are going to stand a chance at keeping Kara safe.”

They nod quickly in agreeance before they are rapidly dragged into a competitive game of Pictionary.

Lena sits on the couch, slouching back into the cushions. Kara is snuggled under her arm, head resting against her chest as she holds her close.

Reruns of an old sitcom they’ve watched a bunch of times murmurs on in the background, but their eyes are already half closed as they enjoy the quiet closeness of their snuggling.

Lena turns her head to press a kiss to Kara’s forehead. “If you think that you’re ever going to be let out of my sight again then you’re wrong.”

A tired chuckle escapes Kara’s lips. “I’ll keep that in mind but unfortunately, I will have to leave for work tomorrow.”

Lena’s face takes on a guilty expression. “Actually…”

Kara turns her head so she can see Lena’s face. “What have you done? Why do you look guilty?”

“…I may have contacted Cat and had you approved to work from home.” Lena avoids eye contact, afraid that Kara will be angry.

Kara looks at her without saying a word, waiting for her to look back at her. It takes a few seconds, but she does eventually sneak a glance. “Well, you’ve saved me a job, I was going to do that myself, but I still have to go in and get some of my files. You’re welcome to come with me though.”

Lena lets out a relieved sigh that Kara can’t help but find adorable. “Of course, I’m going to come with you.”

“Good.” Kara mumbles, already burying herself back into Lena’s comforting grasp. Another kiss is dropped on her head then she feels the pressure of Lena’s head resting atop her own.

“Good.”

They step out of the elevator together, ignoring the questioning glances they receive as they enter the bullpen. Lena keeps a steadying hand on the small of Kara’s back as they walk.

As they are about to head to Kara’s office, they are summoned with a sharp snap of lithe fingers.

They redirect their steps to enter Cat Grant’s office instead, a little bit off-put by the number of eyes watching them through the glass walls.

Cat must sense it because one stern look and the clearing of the throat send all of the heads in the bullpen swivelling in the opposite direction. “Hello, ladies. Based on our previous communications, I was under the impression that I wouldn’t be seeing you any time soon.”

Cat delicately perches on one couch and offers a hand to the other, directing them to sit. They do so with haste, wanting to be out of there and back to the safety of the apartment as soon as possible, especially since it looks like there is a rat within CatCo.

Kara answers first. “Yes, I was planning on sorting my work-from-home status with you myself today as I need to grab some of my files for my articles however it was brought to my attention that it was already handled.” She side-eyes Lena, a little amused.

“Understandable, however, you have been taken off all of your previous articles and I will personally assign you new ones,” Cat says so casually that Kara doesn’t know whether or not her anger is founded.

She stutters for a second. “Y-you can’t do that! Those are my pieces, I already started on them, and I have done all of the legwork.”

Lena can sense the building rage and presses a hand to her arm to try and calm her. “Cat, do you really feel that this is necessary at this time?”

Cat nods resolutely. “I think the pair of you have known me for long enough to know that I don’t do anything without a purpose. In this particular case, that purpose is to keep my star journalist safe.”

Kara furrows her brows, trying to come up with an appropriate response. “With all due respect, Ms Grant, I believe that should be left up to me.”

Both Cat and Lena are taken aback by the stern tone from Kara, she has never been one to stand up to Cat. Cat, herself, takes the time to come up with a response, staring Kara down as if she is reading her soul.

“I disagree. I am under no illusion that you are being targeted based off an article you are writing and that there is a CatCo employee spilling information on you left and right. The only way to take you out of the equation and keep you safe is to make it very obvious that you are having nothing to do with the article.”

Lena nudges Kara’s shoulder as though she can literally knock some sense into her. “She’s right, darling. It’s the best way to keep you safe in this instance.”

“Who would take over the article on Lord? It’s too important of a piece to scrap altogether.” Kara rakes a hand through her hair and Lena catches in between her own as it comes back down.

Cat nods at the question in approval, happy that Kara seems to be at least thinking it through instead of arguing blindly. “I will personally be taking over the investigation and article as a whole.”

“That’s absolutely not happening…” She trails off and the women allow her a few seconds to finish her thought before she continues. “I’m giving you a counteroffer. We work on it together or you take over and I keep doing what I’m already doing but without your approval.”

The only movement from Cat is the stiffening of her upper lip and the scraping of her heel against the carpeted floor. As much as Lena wants to intervene and make Kara give up the article for her own sake, she knows her girlfriend and she knows that this isn’t something she can let go of so all she can do is support her in her decisions and see how it all plays out.

Kara grows increasingly unsure of herself the longer Cat stares at her. She evaluates every twitch of her face just as she had trained herself to do when she was her assistant, but it seems that she has lost her touch because she can’t read her at all.

Cat finally takes an overexaggerated breath before she speaks with a hint of sharpness in her tone, showing that she means business. “I accept your counteroffer, but I am in charge, if I tell you to do something, you do it. If I tell you to run and hide then you do it. If I tell you to jump, you ask how high. Got it?”

Kara beams a smile that juxtaposes the atmosphere of the room. “Got it.”

She reaches out her hand for a handshake. Cat sneers at her hand but shakes it nonetheless although she does wipe her hand down her own pant leg afterwards as if it is now covered in a thick layer of muck and grime.

“Awesome, I’ll go get the files, I’ll be back in a minute.” She jumps to her feet, smiling at the two women before making a beeline to the door. “Keep each other company!”

Lena and Cat share a look.

“Ms Luthor sometimes I really do wonder what you see in her and other times I want to steal her from you.”

Lena smiles at her wryly. “You couldn’t handle her if you tried, Grant.”

Cat smirks back. “But boy would I try.”

She earns a glare in response but doesn’t get the chance to respond as Kara rushes back into the office. “The file is gone, and my office has been torn apart!”

That has the two CEOs on their feet in seconds and marching their way to Kara’s office. They peek their heads around the door to find that Kara was most definitely underplaying it. Her office isn’t just torn apart, it is practically destroyed.

Her desk is completely broken where they have pried the locked drawers open, and every single piece of paper has been either shredded or had water poured all over it so it’s unreadable.

Kara sneaks past them and into the office. She picks through the soggy papier-mâché on the floor and pulls out her picture frame. The glass is shattered but the picture is still mostly intact.

She holds it to her chest and squelches back over the paper to the doorway. “I already checked and the file on Maxwell Lord is gone, the rest must have just been to try and throw us off the scent that they didn’t want us to know about that specific case.”

Cat’s eyes scour the room, always a journalist at heart, searching for clues. “Is there anything else missing?”

“Not that I can tell but I haven’t gone through the rest of my stuff, I just checked for the file.” Kara shrugs and takes Lena’s hand.

Cat walks away back to her office, snapping her fingers to show that she wants the women to follow her.

“I want you to spend the afternoon figuring out if anything else is missing and in the meantime, I will get in contact with your sources and see if we can get another copy of the file you had. Lena, please go find Kara’s dwarf friend in IT and get him to find any footage he can from the last few days showing anyone in or around the office.”

Lena turns to do as she’s told but is stopped by Kara’s hand on her wrist. “I already have the file.”

Cat tilts her head in more of a dog-like fashion than her namesake but raises her eyebrow in a silent question.

Kara pulls the photograph of herself and Lena out of the frame and hands it to Lena, who takes it with a fond smile as she recognises the picture from their first date. It is of them huddled up together in front of a dinosaur skeleton from the National City Museum and staring at each other with beaming smiles.

She pries the frame apart and reveals a small USB from within the wood, holding it up triumphantly once she has it completely free. “This story was too important to lose the data so I made backups, I had one at my loft too but can’t check if it’s still there since I haven’t been able to get in the building since the night it happened.”

Lena turns to Kara, concerned. “If this article is that important that you had hidden copies of your files hidden then why didn’t you suspect anything when the pipe burst?”

Kara looks a little guilty. “I didn’t want to worry you and I was also kind of hoping that it was just bad timing. It’s also why I’m not sure if staying with you is a good idea, I don’t want you to get dragged into anything because of me.”

Cat interrupts. “That’s out of the question. The two most heavily guarded apartment buildings in National City are my own and your girlfriend’s so that’s where you will be staying. Despite how I have treated you over the years, Kara, I do hold a certain fondness for you.”

Uncertainty clouds Kara’s expression for a minute and she moves away from Lena for a second to grab Cat into a hug before she has the chance to push her away.

She ends the hug after a few seconds and Cat pats her clothes down. “Well, that’s enough of that. Get to work.”

Lena takes her hand again as they leave Cat’s office, and they make their way to Winn’s desk together. He looks up at them with surprise when they appear beside him. “Hey guys, what can I do for you?”

“Someone broke into both my loft and my office to destroy evidence for a story I was writing.”

He looks completely and utterly bewildered by the blunt response.

Lena takes pity on him. “Can you hack into any cameras from the day before yesterday around Kara’s loft and review any CatCo security tapes since that time around the area of Kara’s office please?”

He nods rapidly and sets to typing quickly on his computer. “I will text you when I have anything.”

They stood there for another few seconds before concluding that he was dismissing them, so they head back to the mess of an office, grabbing some empty cardboard boxes and cleaning supplies on the way.

Lena enters first and maps out how they should organize. “The water was poured over the top after the paper was shredded and the shredded paper was purposefully drenched so whatever was on it, they don’t want us reading it.”

Kara takes a closer gander. “I can see a page number on that one piece so jokes on them I suppose.”

“How does a page number help us?” Lena queries, peeking over her shoulder at the number. Two hundred and thirty-four.

“Because, my love, I only had one other file that had enough pages to go up to the two hundred mark and that was one where I had documented as many staff member profiles from Lord Industries as I could find. Nobody even knew I made that since I did that the day of the flooding and never told anyone.”

Lena takes a deep sigh and drags Kara into a deep hug. “This is getting more dangerous the more we find out, I might have to change the rules from never having you out of my sight to never having you out of my arms.”

“I could be persuaded to go along with that.”

Lena ties up the last trash bag with a tight knot. They couldn’t find much in the office that wasn’t completely ruined so they only have one small box of things to look through whilst they have several bags to dispose of, all full of work papers and Kara’s own personal effects.

She can see the sadness in Kara’s eyes as she has to lose more of her things, but not once does she complain, she simply gets on with the task at hand and moves on.

Kara is currently standing over the now dry desk and is trying to piece together the remains of the papers that haven’t been completely soaked through. “Hey, Lena?”

“Yeah, darling?” Lena looks up at her from where she is crouched on the floor, doubled checking that they have cleared everything up.

“I’ve been trying to think who would know about the employee files and I think that the only people that would know are people that I trust.”

Lena stands and leans against the desk, trying to understand the point that Kara is trying to make. “I thought you said that you didn’t tell anyone.”

“I didn’t but there are very few people that could walk into my office without being suspicious, even the janitor doesn’t come in here without me present.” Kara lets herself fall into her office chair, face scrunching as her butt lands right into a forgotten pool of water.

Lena winces as she realises what just happened. “I think that’s our cue to get out of here, here take my coat and tie it around your waist.”

Kara sighs as she stands up and holds back a shiver as the cold water runs down her legs. “Alright, let’s go.” She takes the offered coat and secures it around her to hide the giant water stain on her backside. The last thing she needs right now is for all of her co-workers to think she peed herself in the office.

Together they grab the trash bags and toss them beside a garbage can in the hallway to be taken by the janitor when they come around later in the day. She grabs the box from the desk, she can always go through it once they get home. She makes sure to lock up after herself despite the fact that there is nothing left in there except for her soggy desk and chair.

Lena leads her back through the building with a comforting hand on the small of her back. “I’m not going into Cat’s office with wet pants. Can you please tell her we’re leaving, and I’ll meet you in the car?”

Lena smiles at her fondly. “Of course, darling. The car keys are in my right coat pocket, lock the car once you get in.” She senses the eye roll she is about to get so she continues as earnestly as possible. “Just in case, it will make me feel better.”

Kara smiles back at her, giving in before even pretending to put up a fight. “Anything for you.”

They part ways, Lena going to say their goodbyes and Kara aiming for the stairs. She is not willing to be stuck in an elevator with other people and have to explain why there is a coat tied around her waist like she is a middle schooler.

She can count on one hand the number of times she has taken the stairs whilst working at CatCo and it was only because they had one day a couple of years ago when they did maintenance on all of the elevators at once.

Cat put a stop to them shutting them all down at the same time after she found out she would have to walk up to the top. If her memory serves her right, Cat didn’t actually climb the stairs, she turned on her very expensive heel and worked from home that day after having someone fetch her work from her office for her.

Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t see anyone else on the staircase, like her, they know they probably couldn’t survive walking up and down all of those steps all day without feeling like their ass cheeks have been torn apart from the strain.

She meanders down, just taking in the unfamiliar space. It is pretty boring, just a few old, framed articles and magazine covers here and there but nothing too important, the important ones are kept in offices or hallways of each floor, not the stairwell.

There is one major thing she does notice. Or doesn’t notice. There is a distinct lack of cameras so if the perpetrators used this route, they would be practically undetectable.

Whoever did destroy her office would have still been caught on camera, but it brings the window of capturing them down significantly. The more she thinks about it the angrier she gets, this psycho has taken so much from her in the last few days that it is unreal.

The joke is on them though, after everything she’s been through she isn’t going to give up now because she’s being fuelled by pure spite. Her steps turn into stomps as she finishes going down the main stairwell and walks across the lobby to the second stairwell that leads her to the parking garage.

As the door at the top of the stairs closes behind her with a slow thump she becomes aware of a quiet murmuring coming from below her. She takes quiet steps so as not to disturb them as whoever they are, they seem to be in the middle of a conversation.

She is grateful to have reached the very bottom of the stairs and heads right for the door into the garage, finding it propped open as it usually is since it is an emergency exit.

The further she walks the more she hears of the stranger’s conversation.

“I can’t get back up there to wipe the footage-“

She can’t hear every part of the conversation but can see the hooded stranger pacing between cars.

Something about this person puts her on edge so she slows down and ducks behind a truck, hoping to make it back to the car without alerting them of her presence.

“They found the office quicker than I thought they-“

Her ears prick up. That does not sound like an ordinary phone call.

“The target was supposed to be out of work, our information told us she switched to out of office-“

Holy crap. This is not good for her. She surveys how far she needs to go to get to the car and whether or not it would be better to simply head back to the lobby or not.

The problem she has is that she can’t get safely to either place because she will have to run right out into the open. The car is closer, just a few metres ahead of her.

She takes casual steps, trying not to draw any attention as she heads towards the car, keys in hand. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see that she has caught the attention of the man on the phone. He is dressed very similarly to the man from the grocery store and could very well be the same person.

She quickens her pace as the man begins to come towards her. The small distance seems to take hours to reach as she scurries over and clicks the button on the fob. She realizes her mistake when she pulls the handle open and is greeted by a rapid clicking sound.

Out of pure instinct, she throws herself away from the car and to the ground. She slams against the concrete floor hard, the force exacerbated by the fiery force of the car exploding before her.

Her ears are ringing with a violent force, making her unable to hear anything except that awful sound. It is almost more overpowering than the rush of pain across her body.

Her eyelids burn as she pries them open, trying to see where the stranger went but the overwhelming pain stops her from sitting up enough to see. She tries her best to see him from her position, but her range of view is blocked by a couple of security guards who must have rushed down once they heard the explosion.

Their lips are moving but she can’t decipher what the security guards are saying. She feels warmth and a slow dripping sensation down her face, the smell of burning fuel filling her nostrils.

Kara tries with all of her might to keep her eyes open, to get up and find safety and to figure out what in the world just happened but she feels completely drained of energy. Her eyes begin to flicker closed, but she gets a surge of energy when she feels familiar hands on either side of her face.

“Kara? Kara, can you hear me? It’s Lena. I’m here. I’m here.”

Lena’s words cut through the ringing, her voice the light at the end of a hallway. Her eyes won’t focus but she can make out the outline of pale skin and dark hair as she leans over her.

“L-Lena.” It’s a struggle but she manages to show her that she can hear her and that she is still with her.

“Shh, don’t speak. The ambulance is on its way and I’m right here. I’m not leaving your side, ok?”

She tries to move any part of her body she can and struggles. Lena must be on her left because she can feel the soft material of her pants against her left hand. Her fingers inch as close as possible, grasping onto the material, holding onto her with what little energy she has.

Lena’s hands don’t leave her, they hold her cheeks gently and once the paramedics arrive, she holds her hand.

As the minutes pass, she becomes minutely more conscious but with the clarity it brings, she feels an increase in pain from the wounds the shock prevented her from recognising. Sirens fill her ears and the bumps in the road jerk her a little but Lena’s hand grips hers tightly as though she could ground her by sheer power of will.

The time goes by in a blur, one second she was in the ambulance, a bustling paramedic tending to her, and the next she is on a gurney in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and she can feel a burning ache in her abdomen. She can only assume it is from the impact since it feels like she has been struck with a baseball bat.

She must have either been given anaesthesia or passed out at some point in the chaos because the next thing she knows she is awoken by the steady beeping of her heart rate monitor and her dry throat plaguing every breath she takes.

The awful feeling in her throat forces her to cough as she wakes and her eyes water as she opens them from the sharp scratch. She isn’t sure if her throat is just really dry or if she has swallowed a handful of nails.

“Kara?”

There she is again. Her angel is right there with her, by her side. Her unfocused eyes find her quickly, finding comfort in her favourite person.

She tries to speak but another painful cough escapes her. She doesn’t know that Lena was holding her hand until she feels a rush of cold air on her palm, but it is quickly replaced by the sensation of a cup being pressed into her hand.

“Here, it’s water. Just take small sips.” Lena pushes her hair out of her face and helps her sit up slightly, wincing with her when the pain in her abdomen takes over.

The water feels amazing down her throat, and she wants to chug the entire cup and the pitcher beside her bed to keep her throat soothed but Lena reminds her to take it slow and to pace herself.

“Crazy day, huh?” Her voice is raspy, but her joke still lands.

Lena lets out a relieved sigh and smiles at her tenderly. “I see your humour survived the explosion.”

The mention of the explosion wakes her up from her stupor. “Did anyone else get hurt?”

Lena wastes no time before soothing her fears. She knows that Kara would blame herself despite it being nowhere near her fault. “No, no, darling. Everyone is alright, you were the only one by the car when it happened.”

Kara shakes her head, despite the stiffness in her neck from being in one position for so long, she really must have been unconscious for a while. “There was someone there, he was talking on the phone about me, and he looked like the guy from the store-”

Lena cuts her off. “I know, baby. We’ve looked through every last minute of footage from that day and we saw everything. I’ve got everything sorted and everything is going to be alright. All I need you to do is focus on getting better.”

That day? What does that mean? How long has she been out?

“How long ago was it?” She can feel herself growing tired again but can’t let herself rest until she knows.

Lena hesitates to tell her, which is an answer in itself and not a good one at that. “It’s been three weeks, now rest. Please.”

How the hell has it been that long? Was she hurt that badly? How is Lena so put together? Kara’s mind is racing as she only wants one thing.

“Please come cuddle with me.”

“I don’t think that’s a—“

“Please, I need to feel you.” She stares into Lena’s eyes, begging her to give in. She just needs to be held, to have Lena piece her back together.

With a nod Lena carefully positions herself beside her, delicately placing an arm around her chest, obviously avoiding letting it go further down and showing Kara that she has some damage to her stomach area since she is avoiding touching it.

She lets the thought drift away in favour of relaxing into Lena’s safe embrace and closing her eyes once more.

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grimm-rider · 10 months

Text

Entry 24

On our way out of Edeya’s manor (it’s so funny to think she has a manor—I mean I knew it mentally, that her parents were major players and she’d been raised basically like a princess, but to actually see it’s another thing) Nestian stopped us. He told us there was a complication that had come up. I thought at first he was just going to reiterate the fact our families were in danger, that Elvanna had put a hit out on them. But he told us that his human mother was in danger. Apparently in the mirror dimension Nestian had met a summoned creature called an Eidolon that was his mother’s partner, and she had tried to get his assistance to save his mother. But he had refused, because he needed to save Edeya. Because he was afraid that Aenland wouldn’t make it to help try to assist us. Because he didn’t know where I was or what my status was—and even if I was okay I think he didn’t trust in me to get through a fight by myself. Which, given that quintessence golem the Mirror Edeya had become there at the end, honestly his instincts probably aren’t far from the mark. I wouldn’t have been able to affect that thing, it would have been up to Talsune and Roscoe if I’d been the only one there. And I would have had to deal with all of the swarm spirits on my own without Nestian’s handy Lightning Javelins. Which means if Aenland were there I’d have needed to rely on waiting for Nevra’s lightning breath to gather enough energy to be used again, and in the meantime we’d have been dealing with spirits throwing Harm at those who weren’t shielded from it by my power, and draining the lifeforce of those they touched. And if Aenland weren’t there we would simply have no possible way to destroy all of the spirits, unless I could lure them all together to hit them all with chain lightning at once.

Fortunately, that is not how it went. Nestian was there, and while he took a bit of a beating (I had to cast Restoration twice—once for him and once for Aenland, due to the spirits’ life draining effects), he was in one piece. Enough to be embarrassed and try to make an escape when Aenland and I implied that Edeya’s parents were his future in-laws.

As we talked, I mentioned casually that I thought that Elvanna was more afraid of us than she let on. The others agreed, but Nestian asked what made me say that. So I told them about my little venture into Abaddon to meet with Queenie. Edeya joked around, jabbing at me asking if I’d betrayed them. She obviously knew better. None of the others even insinuated that I would have considered it.

Funny. When did it get to that point? A few months ago I would have sacrificed Aenland to a talking tree for safe passage in a heartbeat—or for no reason at all, really. He was unbearable back then. I’m actually fond of that idiot now, even if he still grinds on my nerves sometimes, it’s in a less…volatile way. Nestian was just kind of a stick in the mud who I vaguely appreciated having a mindboggling protective streak. Now…I don’t know. Things are a bit complicated where Nestian is concerned, considering my master killed his father. But I respect the way Nestian always moves forward with what he believes and doesn’t let anything dissuade him once he’s set his mind to something if he believes it’s right and good. I might not care about all that moralistic stuff, but I can appreciate how much it takes a person to stick to their principles. I don’t have any, and it’s easier that way, but I know Nestian’s are important to him, even when they are utterly baffling to me. So I am…trying to respect them.

Edeya was the only one I liked from the start. My fellow Irriseni, a would-be Winter Witch who threw away centuries of tradition to walk her own path. It figures that I’d like her. It helps that before she took up her new semi-pacifist ideals, we tended to see eye-to-eye the most out of the group (now strangely it’s Aenland who tends to see things my way most often). Not that I told her everything. I do worship Norgorber—a few secrets are mine to keep.

Except for Greta. I’ll let her in on my secrets.

…

I miss Greta.

On our way to the rebels’ hideout, I cast Sending as we flew invisibly towards the clocktower. I asked Greta if she was okay and where she was. She replied immediately and confirmed she was okay. She didn’t confirm where she was, but instead apologized for fake dating someone whose name got cut out of the Sending as she ran out of words.

I’m glad she’s okay…I wish we weren’t running around so much right now. I’d like to try to find out where she is and meet up with her. Get her out of whatever situation she’s stuck in. Meet her ‘boyfriend’.

I’m not jealous, that’s ridiculous, Greta is free to do as she pleases. I’d be a damned hypocrite if I got possessive of Greta when I already introduced Cesseer into our relationship.

Aaaaand Edeya and I may have fake dated while Greta was away too, so we’re even anyways.

We arrived to the clocktower not long after that. We landed silently in the overlook where we’d once slain Logrivich—and where I’d made my favorite skeleton. We found the trapdoor leading down locked, and no one responded when Nestian tried knocking—because of course he did.

I think he just thinks it’s funny at this point.

No. Maybe if it were Aenland. Nestian just genuinely considers it the best course of action because he hasn’t died yet from all the times a door’s swung open and someone’s swung a weapon at him shortly afterwards.

I mean, I suppose if it works it works. But if he dies from it one of these days his girlfriend is reviving his ass, not me.

I used the Chime of Opening to unlock the trapdoor (it worked on the first try for once—good thing, I get a feeling it doesn’t have many uses left in it), and we piled down to the floor below. Where we’d once meet the captive singer Bella Belvorica.

Nestian began making a beeline for a bookshelf by the far wall. When Aenland dropped to the floor, he drew his bow and an arrow in one swift action, whispering something to his arrow as he drew it back, then released it. It shot past Nestian and straight through the bookshelf—which vanished as the illusion making it appear there was dispelled, as was an Explosive Rune behind it.

Behind there the bookshelf had been was an opening that appeared to have been created with Stoneshape, which led into a passage containing a spiral staircase leading down, deep down below the clocktower.

We followed the staircase to the bottom and came upon a large set of rooms that appeared to be made for a decent sized force.

But there was only one man there, who seemed particularly jumpy. However he seemed familiar with Aenland, and he accepted our explanation when we told him that Edeya’s parents were former Winter Witches and were harmless.

The rebel was awaiting the return of Solveig, who was still alive and their leader it would seem.

Unfortunately, a moment later another rebel came in with some scouts, and reported breathlessly that Solveig, Bella, and Donya has all been captured and were going to be executed imminently. Scout…the scout…directed us to where they were to conduct the execution, and we raced out.

We made it just in time. We split up to pincer strike the Winter Witches, with Talsune, Roscoe, Aenland, Nevra, and I swooping down from behind where the captives were tied. On the opposite side Nestian and Edeya would run in.

And we got some unexpected help. As the winter sorcerers who were acting as executioners readied their spells to end our allies’ lives, a woman with unusually colored skin stepped from a building and raised what looked like a gun but sleeker—almost like something you’d see on a Dominion ship, minus organic bits. When she fired it, an X was burned into the face of one of the sorcerers and then his head exploded.

It was spectacular.

That was our cue to swoop in. Aenland began firing, taking out one of the sorcerers immediately before they could get their wits about them. Talsune and I flew low over the heads of the captives and landed just in range for Talsune to run a blade through another sorcerer, and I crushed her bones in the same moment. I’d heard the woman with the gun mention that the sorcerers had put up fire protection and that was going to be an issue for her. So looked like it was going to be up to us to cut through them.

I didn’t have a problem with that. I was feeling bloodthirsty.

As Nestian darted onto the battlefield, bringing his axe down on the final sorcerer, the ground began shaking. A reverberating rumbling came, growing closer—enormous footfalls. Then an unbelievably large Rune Giant cressed the horizon, lumbering towards us. It was here to do Queen Elvanna’s bidding.

She had told me that she *was* Irrisen. Apparently the Rune Giants, at least, agree.

Unfortunately for the guardian of Irrisen, we had Aenland. And faced with the archer, the giant was slain with his usual brutal efficientness—just a hunter felling another beast.

While Nestian and Aenland were dealing with that, Talsune and I had lined up the remaining four Winter Witches and caught them in a deadly mix of flame breath and Mass Inflict. They were still standing, so I quickened a Boneshaker on the nearest for good measure. It was maybe a little petty—that particular spell caster had tried to polymorph me into a sheep a moment prior. And one of her buddies had tried the same on Talsune. But we’d both resisted—me with the help of the barrier of fate Vigliv had woven around us, and Talsune through sheer force.

Two of the Winter Witches stepped out of formation, one aiming what looked like another polymorph, but whoever he aimed at clearly resisted because none of us randomly became sheep or whatever. The other one caught Nestian, Nevra, and Aenland in a Cone of Cold. A moment later they, too, had arrows sticking from them.

Talsune slashed through the final Winter Witch, and when I saw she was still alive on the ground, just barely, I cast another Boneshaker to smother the last sparks of life in her.

Another life snuffed out.

I didn’t feel much better. I still missed Greta, and in the back of my mind I was thinking about needing to contact our families to warn them about Elvanna’s threats. It was hard to savor the deaths of a bunch of nobodies right that moment.

While we’d been dealing with the witches and giants and such, the prisoners had been escaping from their bonds. They were mostly all out once the battle was over. The woman was helping Donya with the last of his binds, and Solveig and Bella were already free.

The woman with the strange gun that could pop people’s heads introduced herself as Zernebeth. Now that I got a better look at her, not in battle, I also saw that one of her arms was like a construct’s arm, entirely made of metal. Either that or it was a very strange very flexible gauntlet that covered her entire arm. But seeing as she soon enough told us she had come to Irrisen from Numeria, I think it’s safe to say her arm is technological. One of the strange wonders hoarded by Numeria’s Technic League.

We quickly departed from the scene of the deaths of eight agents of the crown—after I used Decompose Corpse to make them all into much harder to identify skeletons (and perhaps giving a silent nod to the Pallid Princess, in making the bodies decay away). We reconvened back at the rebel base. Edeya’s parents had made themselves at home, having chosen a room for themselves from the ones available. Solveig told us she would have something she needed to go over with us, but she wanted to give us a little time to gather ourselves first.

So I took the moment to take stock of our new acquaintance—possibly ally. I asked her what her story was. After all, it’s not every day a blue one-armed lady pops up and starts shooting Winter Witches to save a bunch of rebels from execution. She must have a reason to be helping us.

Zernebeth was very open with us that she was a former captain of the Technic League, which she called a ‘vile organization’. We let her know we’d had some indirect dealings with them, as Queen Elvanna had been working with that raptor looking man at Artrosa. Zernebeth looked mildly disgusted with the idea of the person, identifying him as ‘Prosser’, and stating that explained where he had been. She confirmed that he was a terrible person. But, she also told us that the Technic League likely didn’t exist anymore as of two days ago.

Apparently the king of Numeria, one Kevoth-Kol, had been woken from his drug induced stupor and he’d done away with the Technic League who had been controlling things in his absence.

Now apparently an elite task force was being sent into a mountain at the capital of Numeria to deal with a different potentially world ending threat than the one we’re dealing with, with Elvanna. So if they fuck up, we could do everything right and save the world from being frozen over just to have whatever they’re fighting take control of the entire world. Apparently.

Not a very reassuring thought, but Zernebeth said not to worry about it. She seemed very confident in the abilities of the people handling it. So I suppose I’ll just have to trust they’re competent and won’t fuck this up for everyone.

I suppose they could say the same about us, but I’m confident in our ability to see this through, so I’m not worried on our end. I just don’t like the idea of leaving my potential life or death or freedom or whatever in the hands of utter strangers I don’t even know the capabilities of.

Zernebeth doesn’t seem worried though, and she seems like an intelligent woman—joining an ill-fated league of technofascists aside.

Zernebeth told us she would not be of much help to us at the moment—she was a powerful wizard, but she was currently sans her spellbook. If she could get that back she’d be a force to be reckoned with. For now she just had that blaster gun thing, which apparently had limited uses. I asked Aenland about the guns we’d collected for the rebels, thinking we could give one to her, but apparently he handed them off to Nadya before they separated, and we hadn’t seen hide nor hair of her since then.

In fact, all of our companions who weren’t our core ‘four riders’ were missing. Nadya, Greta, Jadrenka, Cesseer, Anastasia, and Dimitri were all missing without a word.

According to the two rebels Aenland had saved, those who were with them seemed to hear something and then gathered up all the guns they had brought and left for somewhere without an explanation. It sounds like they received a Sending. We’re theorizing it was from Jadrenka, because they were seen leaving with a black-haired half-elf woman—and with her skills Jadrenka could have easily switched out her Winter Witch disguise for a half-elf form to continue keeping a low profile.

Aenland suggested we Sending them. I told the others I could, but I had been planning on saving my uses of Sending today so we could all contact any family members Elvanna might be targeting to warn them. Nestian pointed out that our companions might be in more immediate danger. He said that if it came down to it, he would give up his uses of Sending.

Why does he always do that? Put others first and give up things? Doesn’t he ever get frustrated giving and giving and letting himself get hurt for others and never letting anyone else do the same for him? I don’t understand him. I just don’t.

I agreed, however, since clearly this is what everyone else wanted. We’d do it after we’d talked to Solveig.

Zernebeth seemed legitimately remorseful for the things she’d done in the past. Apparently, whoever was in this elite team had really made an impression on her. She told me that she first thing she was going to do when she got her spellbook back was make it up to Donya—she even had the diamond for it already.

The implication was clear. And that’s, I think, all the motivation any of us need to get her spellbook back. As if getting the help of a powerful wizard wouldn’t have been motivation enough.

That haunt we’d seen all those months ago, of the child who Nazhena had murdered…that all could be wiped away.

Zernebeth said she hoped even though redemption was dead, she could do this much. I told her she didn’t need gods to seek redemption. That’s a bunch of bullshit. If you want to be better, you do it. You don’t wait for a god to tell you it’s time, that’s lazy, that’s just making excuses.

Zernebeth seemed to like that.

As for me…I hope that bringing back that kid will smooth over the lingering sickness I feel every time I think about having worked with Nazhena—even if I only did it to get to Elvanna. I don’t know what all I did back then, how much I helped her when I pretended to be her friend, how much I got my hands dirty to keep the mask firmly in place. I know myself. I know if I had a role to play and I needed to not get caught under any circumstances then I would do whatever I had to in order to play the part—although I might have also done whatever I could to undermine her where possible when in her blind spots.

But since I’ll probably never get my memories back at this point, I’ll never know exactly what I did while rubbing elbows with the most vile people in Whitethrone. I could probably ask Baba Yaga…but I don’t know that hearing it would help any. It’s not productive.

I left Zernebeth to tinker with her gun thing. Aenland went off with Nevra somewhere, and Nestian told Edeya maybe she should go talk to her parents. She agreed, and grabbed Illivor to go catch up with the family she hadn’t seen in years. It’s hard to imagine what she must be feeling right now. I don’t know what I’d been feeling in her shoes.

Nestian and I were alone in the main meeting room. Nestian told me that he had something he needed to talk to me about. He explained there was something he’d left out from his story about meeting his mother’s Eidolon.

When he’d been returning back to reality from wherever he’d met this being, for a moment he saw many white tails.

We only know one person with multiple white tails. Especially someone connected to Nestian’s family in any way.

Nestian told me he’d originally come to the decision that he wasn’t going to kill Master Keisuke. Because I cared about him. He didn’t feel like revenge was worth hurting a friend by taking someone away from them.

But, he said very seriously, if Keisuke has his mother and she’s in danger, he will kill him. That’s different. That’s not revenge. He will do whatever he has to, to protect her. To save her.

I told Nestian I understand, and that he should do what he thinks is right—regardless of how I feel about it. He should go with what he feels he should do.

I’m never going to be happy about having to fight Master Keisuke. I’m never going to want it to come to that. But I understand…to an extent. I don’t understand Nestian foregoing revenge—that’s something I would personally never do. If someone killed a member of my family I would hunt them down and kill them, and if I were feeling particularly vindictive I’d kill their close family too—first, before I kill them, so they’d have to see it. And I don’t put nearly as much weight on family as Nestian does. That’s why Elvanna had better be ready for a storm if she actually touches my family, because she’s not going to break me that way, she’s just going to make me want to be more creative in the ways I kill her and perhaps ways to make her afterlife torment.

…I wonder if a wish that would affect Elvanna’s afterlife would count as a wish for my benefit…I could get very creative with ways to hurt her with a wish…

No I’m not wasting a wish on her.

Anyways…

I don’t understand him foregoing revenge. But I understand that he needs to save his mother. If someone I cared about were in danger, or harmed, I would tear whoever had caused that apart—and I expect no less from others.

Nestian seemed to accept my response. He asked me if I knew where Master Keisuke might be keeping his mother. The only place I could think of was the Nonagon—but if she was there then we had no way to get to her, its wards were far too powerful to try to brute force our way past from what I’d seen the one time I’d been there. I told him I knew of one place, but I didn’t know what the chances were he was holding her there, and if she was there I didn’t have any way to get there. I did tell him that if he wanted me to try speaking to Master Keisuke—maybe gather some information subtly—I can Send him without using any spells, so that option is always open. For the time being, he wanted to be more certain of things before he went that route.

That’s fine, although I will have to Sending Master Keisuke soon enough. He’d requested I reach out when I get back to Golarian. Once I’m not running around like crazy I intend to do so.

Solveig gathered us up shortly after Nestian and I spoke. She told us about the fact the rebels were fairly scattered at the moment—currently it was just the small handful they had here. The Iron Guard had been utterly decimated in the early days of the rebellion, and the other followers of the Everbloom had been scattered to the winds when the last base was compromised. Fortunately for them, Solveig had been granted a vision ahead of time by their patron deity and was able to evacuate and set up shop elsewhere for the handful she was able to track down again—but most of the rebels were scattered.

As for the Crone Queens, they had split Whitethrone amongst themselves and now most of them spent their time in fortified strongholds across the city. Only two could be found outside of strongholds: Vain Betyrina would flit from one social event to another—and kill anyone who dared comment on her desiccated visage—and Desperate Velikas controlled the Royal Library, which was surprisingly still accessible to the public.

The Royal Library was also where Zernebeth’s spellbook would be.

Solveig told us she would have a mission for us later tonight, but we’d have some time to rest before then. She had two powerful associates coming into town we needed to meet up with. A cleric of Cayden Cailean and a warpriest of Calistria. They would be arriving to a Winter Witch bar late this evening. And she expected a fight to break out—apparently trouble had a tendency to follow them.

I asked if a Winter Wolf would be out of place in this bar, and Solveig said they would not be—in fact the prince of the Winter Wolves and his entourage drank there sometimes. I filed that away for later. That would be perfect. I hadn’t planned on using the Rimepelt again without Greta’s go-ahead, but this was not the sort of situation to get caught up in thoughts like that. I was too recognizable without a disguise—and given my skin’s pallor it would take a lot of time and make up to make a passable disguise for me. But I was also the best at talking us into places (and talking us out of trouble). I could use the hat of disguise, but with Winter Witches anyone could have True Seeing on, or a dragon around, or a summon with True Seeing—relying on an illusion was a risk. The Rimepelt was a true transformation—looks, scent, and all from what Greta and Nestian have said. It would be a lot harder for someone to see through that disguise—especially since I know Winter Wolves intimately well at this point.

So we decided that I would go in with Nestian and Edeya, while Aenland, Nevra, Talsune, and Roscoe would wait for a signal on the roof across the street.

But that would come later in the evening.

As we split up to rest, I brought up the Sending spells again. I thought it would be a good idea to message the people who were in danger now. Nestian thought we should start with our missing companions. I agreed seeing as this seemed to be what everyone else wanted.

First I messaged Anastasia—my logic being she was a fairly clear-headed woman, on top of the fact that we desperately needed to know where the heir to the throne was. I asked her very basically where she was and what the plan was.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t taken into account one thing when choosing Anastasia as my target: she doesn’t know anything about magic. Not even the basics everyone in Golarian learns at a young age. Like the fact that a Sending is only 25 words long. (Unless you’re me or Master Keisuke and can bend those rules a little, but that’s a whole different story.)

I had to force me message through some resistance—the feeling of sending a message between planes. So that told us one thing: she was somewhere that wasn’t on this plane.

When Anastasia replied, she rambled on, and only got a little bit of actually relevant information to me. Namely that Baba Yaga had given her instructions to go to some sort of cache, and she didn’t know where she was exactly.

We figured based on what we knew, it was likely that Dimitri, Nadya, and Jadrenka were all with Anastasia. Which meant since I’d already checked in with Greta, only Cesseer was unaccounted for.

Aenland left, uninterested in hearing how Cesseer was doing, because he’s still being a total brat about monks. I messaged Cesseer and received a much more succinct answer from her. I could tell she was still on this plane. And she answered that the mirror had sent her to some sort of arena, possibly a jail of some kind. She was having to fight to survive. She was going to try to bust out when the opportunity presented itself. She was as okay as she could be.

So that’s…not optimal, but she’s in her environment, at least. She’ll be fine until we can find her, I don’t doubt that for a moment.

I conveyed this to Nestian, then asked him if he would like for me to message one of his family members. He told me that Aenland and I still needed to contact our families—he would go after us. I told him he doesn’t always have to sacrifice himself and put others first in every little thing. Nestian argued that his family could take care of themselves the best of ours—my family were just average people, innkeepers not fighters or magic users, not in any way prepared to defend themselves, and Aenland’s mother was in a fragile state. Nestian’s family were bears, and Peanut was apparently a powerful druid in his own right, so they were the best protected.

I wanted to argue. Not because he was wrong but because it bothers me that he keeps doing this. But I didn’t have an argument for that—he was right, loathe as I was to admit it. So instead I took a seat and cast Sending—channeled through the pocket watch for the final time I could this day, to steal away as many words as I could for this message.

To my mother.

I know myself. I wouldn’t have contacted my parents in the last year. The things I had gotten myself into weren’t for them—the life of a partially-undead double agent serving Baba Yaga was an entirely different world from the simple life of an innkeeper my parents were living. It would have been dangerous for them to even know about most of what I was doing. And how would I have explained it anyways?

So I knew as I cast the spell that this would be the first time my mother heard from me in over a year. With no idea I’d been through two deaths, a bout of amnesia, and made the deal to be one of Baba Yaga’s riders twice over in that time.

“I’m sorry I haven’t reached out. I’m fine, but you both need to take shelter. Ustalav was not far enough, Elvana has set her eyes on you.”

It was the best I could do with the words I had.

It only took a moment before I received a reply. I heard a voice I hadn’t heard since leaving for Irrisen, over a year ago. It only felt like a few months ago with my memory loss. It felt like a lifetime ago.

“Calio, it is good to hear from you. We will take shelter in our way. We have enough money for a wand. Will Send if anything occurs.”

That was good. That was exactly what I needed to hear. A tension curling inside that I had barely registered lessened slightly. Slightly. They weren’t safe yet—merely informed. My parents—and my friends’ parents—would not be truly safe until Elvanna had been dethroned.

Nestian pointed me in the direction of Aenland—because of course Aenland had to go first—so I made my way up to the roof where Aenland and Nevra were talking. Nevra asked me about Cesseer, so I told her what I’d learned. Then I told Aenland that I’d finished contacting my mother, and asked him if he’d like to reach out to his.

Aenland gave a bitter laugh and said that even if she were no longer comatose, she wouldn’t want to hear from the runaway who got her husband and favorite daughter killed.

I had nothing to say to that. I don’t know his mother. I couldn’t deny his assumption about how she’d feel, for all I knew he was right. I suppose I could have pointed to the fact he left to get a weapon to end Treerazor’s life rather than ‘running away’, but what difference would those semantics make?

Nevra filled the silence by suggesting we reach out to a Huntmaster instead. So that at least someone was informed of the danger. Aenland reluctantly agreed, and gave me some long-winded elven name with FAR too many titles, which took the combined brain power of both me and Talsune to even try to remember. I’ve already forgotten it. Huntmaster Grell Sun-something-something-shadows-and-something-about-leaves. Anyways I remembered it well enough at the time to get the Sending through. I warned the Huntmaster that foreign assassins from Irrisen’s current regime were targeting Aenland’s family, and to be on the lookout.

I got a very rude reply. This man is fortunate he is all the way in Kyonin, or I would have taught him some manners. He said he doesn’t know who I am, and he doesn’t know why anyone would target Aenland’s family—said in a tone that very much implied he didn’t think highly of my friend. But he agreed to be on guard.

I don’t know if I believe that he will take the threat seriously, given his tone. But I told Aenland that the Huntmaster was informed and would be on guard—and left out how rudely he’d reacted to Aenland’s name.

Aenland apologized for being such a downer. So I told him that he carries his sadness better than most people.

Hell, if he hadn’t said what he did, I wouldn’t have realized just how much all of this weighed on him. He always seems so above it all, so chipper and quick to bounce from one thing to another. It’s easy to forget that his father and sister were killed by Treerazor’s minions, and his mother left comatose. He doesn’t stew in it—at least not openly. If it were me, I’d be consumed by it. I’d throw everything I was into destroying Treerazor and getting sweet vengeance. I don’t think I’d be able to swallow down my anger in the way he somehow masks his sadness behind such a jovial persona.

I don’t know if I said the right thing. He seemed…confused, maybe? I don’t know. Edeya, or even Nestian, would have been better suited for this conversation than me. I don’t know how to comfort people, it’s like speaking a foreign language I never learned and I can’t cast tongues to cheat my way through it. I’ll make observations or point out facts, and sometimes I can think of an observation that might help deescalate someone’s emotions like I did for that lovely gentleman who was going to shoot himself in front of my friends. But comforting someone, trying to just make them feel better, whispering empty promises that everything will be alright and things will get better and ‘you’re going to be okay’, as if you can know that…that isn’t me. I prefer to act and to fix things than to talk about feelings.

As far as Aenland goes, fixing things could either be seeing his mother alive and well—which isn’t a guarantee. Or killing Treerazor and getting his much-deserved revenge. That second one, at least, I can help with. If he doesn’t just run off to do it with his mushroom girlfriend without any help from the rest of us, that is.

Anyways, once I was done Sending the Huntmaster, I returned to Nestian. I told him I had sent every single person we needed to Send except for anyone Nestian wanted to contact. I had two uses of the spell left, just for him.

First Nestian contacted Peanut. He asked for his mother’s and her Eidolon’s names, and let them know she was in danger. Peanut replied that Nestian’s mother’s name was Hilda and the Eidolon was Jiji. There were apparently quite the pair.

Then Peanut told us that he was going to be in town in two days—and that he was finishing this.

Those last words had a biting air of finality to them, and I felt like they were partially aimed at me. Or perhaps, more accurately, at Master Keisuke.

I told Nestian exactly what Peanut told me, not leaving anything out. Then I suggested since he knew his mother’s name now, he could use the final Sending to try to reach out to her.

After some hesitation—some worry she wouldn’t know who he was—he agreed.

He sent a message informing her that it was a message from her son via a friend, and asking where she was and if she was unharmed.

The Sending was received—I am positive it was received. But something kept the receiver from responding. I passed this information on to Nestian. She was alive, I could tell that much, but something was blocking her off from me.

That was enough for him for now.

We parted ways to rest until our evening mission.

That night we made our way to the Winter Witch’s bar. We ran into a patrol, but nothing we couldn’t handle—just some shapechanging golem in the shape of one of the Crone Queens, a couple of ice elementals, and some sorcerers. We got the drop on them and dispatched them without breaking a sweat.

As we neared the bar, I activated the Rimepelt and returned to the Winter Wolf form I’d used last time we’d been in White Throne. I wished it was Greta on my arm instead of Edeya—not that Edeya isn’t a lovely woman, she is incredibly attractive as well. But Greta would have loved kicking up some trouble in a Winter Witch bar.

At Nestian’s suggestion, Edeya and I were pretending to be together, while Nestian—in human guise—played the role of our bodyguard. Edeya joked about me seducing her away from Nestian, but quickly dropped it, saying she was sorry but Nestian was more her type.

I would hope so, seeing as Nestian is literally her boyfriend.

Not that I’d say no if the idea of having a third were ever floated, but neither of them strike me as the sorts who are into that sort of thing.

Anyways, we walked right up to the bouncer like we belonged there. He stopped us, noting that he’d never seen us around before. I told him that I was just in from Red Tooth. Edeya added that she was showing me the sights. Nestian remained silent—the picture of a strong and stoic bodyguard.

The bouncer gave us a once over, then stepped aside. He let me know that some of the patrons were a bit jumpy about Winter Wolves being in their wolf form in the bar, so it would be best if I stayed in human form. Although the venue was a popular place for the prince of the Winter Wolves and his entourage to make an appearance, so Winter Wolves were hardly a rare or unexpected sight there. As we walked past, he asked if we were here for the VIP event. I didn’t dare ask about it and risk blowing our cover, so I simply smiled and said of course.

Our little trio made a bee-line for the bar. I subtly scanned the room as we walked. There were a number of Winter Witches here, as well as an unexpectedly high number of Ice Devils which appeared to be for protection and intimidation purposes. By a back wall there was a curtain that seemed to lead back to some sort of VIP area, and two blonde brutes were standing guard.

In the middle of the bar was a man who seemed to be having an animated conversation with some admirers, a mug of alcohol in one hand and a small glass of wine on the table. I pegged the Caleanite immediately. He looked like a fun guy to have a chat with.

In a dark private corner of the room an elven woman was sitting with a man at her arm. She looked closed off and uninviting.

I knew who I was going to talk to first.

When we got to the bar Edeya ordered herself some wine, and me spiced wine, with a wink saying she knew it was my favorite. She’d taken note of Greta’s preferences, it seemed. I don’t know if ALL Winter Wolves favor spiced wine, necessarily. But I will say I’ve certainly gotten a taste for it, drinking with Greta, so Edeya wasn’t entirely wrong either way.

I took my glass when it was brought to me, and then made my way to the Caileanite’s table, taking a seat across from the man without waiting for an invitation. The man greeted me jovially, introducing himself as Joseph Molot, and I greeted him in kind, noting that he seemed to be the life of the party. We had a little back and forth—it may have dipped into a hint of flirting, it’s a bar these things happen—but it was purely for show, to keep suspicions low—as I reached out to his mind and telepathically told him that I knew he was here for the resistance. His grin grew at that, as he responded by saying his ‘little flower’ was reaching out.

He sent his admirers away, telling them to go ahead and get another drink at the bar. I asked him what brought him here, exactly? He told me that he knew that the big man himself was going to be here, so this is where he was going to be. He asked, what about me? Did I ‘ride’ here? I gave a sharp grin at how much he knew—or had surmised—and confirmed his guess.

Then Joseph decided he was going to stir up the hornet’s nest a bit. Make things a little more interesting before we left. He got up onto the stage, where some band or another was playing, and clinked his glass to get the room’s attention as he made a toast. He toasted to this fine city, thank goodness the riots had been quelled so soon so they could keep the downtrodden populace beneath them. And to Queen Elvanna—may she choke on her own blood.

I couldn’t help but grin at the immediate effect that single curse had on the room. Everyone froze. The Winter Witches rose from their seats, hands going to their wands. The two blonde brutes began cracking their knuckles. The Ice Devils didn’t seem to react—but I suspected they were buzzing with anticipation as well. I stood, drinking down the last of my wine and then dropping the glass to the floor as Joseph asked if it was something he said.

No one knew I was on his side yet. I could work this to my advantage.

A moment later the woman from the corner of the bar stormed up onto the stage. The woman began telling him off about the things he’d said—saying she couldn’t believe he’d say such things and get everyone all riled up…without her. In the blink of an eye there was a whip in her hand, glowing with some sort of greenish light.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nestian and Edeya approaching me. Nestian was motioning for me to use the Stone of Farspeech. So I did, telling Aenland up on the roof that shit had just gone down. Although I’m sure Talsune was already well aware and on his way to swoop in and join me for this brawl.

Someone charged the stage and all hell broke loose.

And as it did, the curtains to the VIP suite opened.

And out stepped Vain Betyrina—one of the remaining ten Crone Queens, asking who had dared crash her party.

#pathfinder #reign of winter #journal entry

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chuulord · 2 years

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My Experience in Loona's Mexico City's Show!

First of all I gotta say, I'm still crying over everything that happened yesterday. Both in a happy and a sad way. I'll be talking about all the good and the bad in a chronological way.

Just as I arrived I felt Orbit's incredible atmosphere and energy, we were all just filled with love for them and you could feel it a block away. There were posters of Chuu around with "Have you dreamt of this woman?" and the overall love was felt. Even as we were told that Hyeju and Yerim wouldn't be able to join the show there was a purple and grey sea of lightsticks and the cheers the entire show never ceased for any of them. We where all respectful when they talked and cheered as loud as we could when it was time to cheer.

So we start the show with nine of them. Now, I... How can I even put this into words? They are a thousand times more gorgeous in person, I was bawling my eyes out the instant they stepped foot on the stage. It's just, seeing my personal supports there, in person was overwhelming. And for that one concert, and especially with their physical and mental condition in mind, it felt like I could return that to them, even for a bit.

You could tell they were tired, I even commented that Yeojin didn't really look well and probably wouldn't be there the entire show. And even if I was unfortunately right, I would rather see her take a break and I was still incredibly thankful she endured as long as she did just to see us.

Nonetheless, they were all lifted by the energy at the venue. Before the heavier choreography songs block Yeojin was seen happy and smiling and jumping around. There were times Haseul couldn't contain herself and stood up to dance a bit with the girls because you could see the excitement in her face. Yves usually ran back between songs, but you could see she didn't want to, Vivi, Kim Lip and Gowon also exited the stage a few times. Heejin, Hyunjin, Jinsoul looked the more energetic during the entire show, but you could tell they wished to feel better.

I want to give an special shout out to both Jinsoul and Haseul, because you could tell they were trying their entire best to, as they said it themselves, 'Fill the empty positions of the missing members'. Wouldn't be surprised if the show drained them the most.

And I'm not complaining with or about the girls at all. It feels like I'm somehow married to them because I know I'm with them in sickness and in health, the good and the bad. I love them so much and I, and the entire venue, really enjoyed our time in there with them. We really did. I think both sides truly want to see each other again, but they taking care of their health right now would be the best present they could give us.

When Playlist started playing and we raised our proyect banners, not only the girls were crying, we were too. It was our promise. That no matter what we would stay with them. They said they would be back, we promised we would never leave, and at least on my part I don't think that's happening ever ever.

I'm pretty sure Gowon and I made eye contact once, Hyunjin has now ascended to my bias list and honestly I fell a thousand times more in love with Heejin. And like I didn't even know that was possible.

I just don't think that a lot of you know, but Loona saved my life. I don't like to base my happiness on others, but when I was on one of my lowest points in life, somehow, I was recommended one of their music videos. "Do not accept the fate of the moon," it said, "Burn Yourself" it said. So I did. And to everyone that eventually left my life because of it I said "So What."

I walked the trails of life that I feared with their songs on my headphones, and always stepped forward to their rhythm. And while everyone was vibing and shouting around me, I was sobbing my soul out. There was around 8,000 orbits right there, without them... Only the world would know there would be 7,999.

They girls kept asking themselves if they really deserved all that love. They saved my life, I'll give them as much love as I am able to give out for the rest of it.

And of course, I'm just glad Heejin got to eat her esquites. If she didn't I was going to personally take her for one, no matter the cost.

To end in a sweeter note... I only recorded once. The ending. And that's a moment I'll forever cherish in my heart.

#AshRambles #Sorry if this gets a bit sentimental towards the end.#I just can't really get over it

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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here's my (very late) review of snc's second episode of season 2

aka "Our Terrifying Encounter at Most Haunted Hotel"

(which now reading back as a title, doesn't make sense lmao)

so after the quasi-high that i felt like episode one was, i was excited for this episode; even if it included amanda who i haven't always loved.

starting off the episode, i actually really like that snc started with a flash forward into later in the night to give the viewers a look at what's to come. i think that was a nice touch.

one thing that i do find funny is why do snc always do the history of a hotel in the middle of hallway? like, what's the point of that. you couldn't go into your room and just do the history there haha

the lady in red's room was honestly my favorite room, both bc of decor and also bc of the history in it. hilariously, i kinda think the lady in red's room looks like colby's, just in an au lol

i do find it a bit strange that amanda and mackie didn't feel welcomed in the hotel. my only thing with that is, i've been in situations like that before with the paranormal, and i just don't understand why they didn't (or at least amanda who can talk to the spirits) say that they weren't there as competition and were just there to investigate.

i also think it's a bit strange bc personally, and this is just me, if i felt like the ghost was trying to one up me, or make me feel uncomfortable, i would probably just back down a bit. no need to puff my chest out and prove i deserve to be in a building or room to the spirits.

the joke about the minors/miners ran thin very quickly.

also, it's so strange to me that the clown motel and the mitzpah are so close to each other. that's so weird.

i sometimes wonder why snc and co always feel like everything that happens to them in a haunted location is related to the paranormal. like the knocking or creaks, the light turning off in the bathroom, literally anything small, their immediate reaction is "omg it's a ghost". mind you, they go to these hotels that are like 100+ years old. are they expecting the hotel to not make a single sound or have the occasional faulty wiring??

onto the investigation/tour:

"did you just call that elevator?" ….. HOW SAM? HOW WOULD SHE HAVE DONE THAT??? i swear sometimes, i want to reach thru the screen and shake sam to death and scream "JUST BELIEVE IN SOMETHING ALREADY"

tour guide… i like her.

again, small stuff like a beaded dressing swaying…. c'mon lol

i kinda wish snc would show when they start to feel drained or their emotions changing during a paranormal investigation. bc that's a huge sign that the spirits, regardless of good or bad, are effecting you.

colby just commenting "little dicks" about the kid ghosts lmaoooo

so down in the basement, this is where the beginning of every girl in this video feeling like their head or hair is being played with. and can i just say… i grew so tired of this so quick. like, once or twice, sure. i can see that happening. but after the fourth or so time, i was like "maybe your hair is just tickling you and it's making you think you feel something". i've had long hair my whole life, and i've felt shit like that before. hell, i've felt like there were bugs crawling in my hair when in reality it was just my hair moving from being up or stuck on something.

those fingerprints were 100% there before hand. in the words of zak bagans: DEBUNKED.

so for the session they did in the basement - was a bit strange, but nothing too crazy. the rem pod, i'm starting to believe is either off or broken bc it does this like almost every investigation. also, why did they put it in such a weird corner of the doorway? why not in the dead center? or further down where they could see it?

and all the little bumps and bangs they heard… i feel like i said this before, but if not, i would PAY snc to use another external microphone and just place it somewhere in the room they're in when they investigate. that way they have another one going that isn't directly next to their mouths so all you hear is them screaming.

and then the bank vault, that was a dud. sorry. like nothing happened, that room wasn't even scary. and what is it with colby leaving money for dead ppl lol

then whatever that one little voice box session was, while they did get some stuff, i don't think it did anything either. also colby pointing at himself when sam said "if you come up to the fifth floor with us, we'll give you a good paycheck"… that man really wanted to get fucked by a ghost lmao

the conference room - i actually thought this room was really interesting. first them walking in and hearing the jumping or multiple knocks was really cool. however sam saying "is someone on the couch" while literally pointing the camera to an empty couch was………. annoying lol

so the boo buddy thing, i'm sorry, i don't believe it whatsoever. but it is interesting and kinda funny to just listen to a bear say "can you touch my tummy" multiple times. and then all the crazy stuff that followed was really fun. it did seem like whatever was in the room with them was playing around and just touching everything. it felt like they left this room really early or abruptly, which sucks. but i actually really enjoyed this room.

that jumpscare clip that used to transition from the conference room to the fifth floor… i hate them so much for it.

all of them splitting up and going to different rooms on the fifth floor, i think that was a smart move to make. what wasn't was giving amanda and mackie the lady in red's room. like, clearly she doesn't like them and also, colby wanted to get his thang on so why not have them in different rooms lol

colby feeling off in any haunted location always makes me feel both bad for him and nervous. bc it usual means that place is off kilter for sure. but i do find it hilarious that he was willing to soldier on in the hopes that he vomited on camera sksks

i thought it was a bit weird that amanda and mackie both thought they were getting ignored just bc they had residuals in their room instead of rose or an intelligent spirit. clearly rose was in colby's room. and sam…. was doing his own thing lol idk, sometimes i wonder how sam's mind works bc he just starts spit-balling things and i just end up side eyeing him the whole time bc what are you on good sir?

colby and his charm is really gonna get him fucked by a ghost one of these days. i find it so funny he was just saying all this shit only for him to be like "wtf am i doing".

@xplrvibes pointed this out, but colby was a goner if he had stayed in that room longer than he did. miss rose was about to tko his ass to sleep. literally when he ended up answering the door, he looked stoned. like, what did that spirit do to him lololol

can i be honest? i would have loved if snc had either ask hotel employees or just looked up the history to see if there ever was a terry in this hotel at some point. that way they would know that that name coming thru would have made sense.

so the estes method was actually really cool, and i do think it was one of their better ones. the beginning, right when colby first started, sounded… very sexual to me. especially when he said "you feel it inside of you". that… was just so strange sksksks

also… idk why colby laughing when he said red made me very uncomfortable but… okay.

it was clear to me that i think they were talking to rose, but also to either other guys that used to be at that hotel or just someone else in general. i think rose was the main person, but someone else was talking to them too. or they were picking up residual ppl.

so once colby said "they were interested" it immediately made me think that there are men spirits that still linger around in the hotel and that's who was touching the girls' hair. not rose, but the men that used to go there.

the discussion they had at the end about rose not being able to move on until she finds someone new made me really sad. that's such a shame she was killed. and knowing how history can be twisted, i wonder if she actually cheated on her husband, or if he just got jealous and killed her.

overall, i think i'm gonna rate this one like a 3.5/5. it was decently good, but something about it was just… missing. idk what, but i just wanted more from it. i think a lot of cool things happened, but…. idk how to describe it, i just wanted more. but that doesn't mean i think this episode was bad, i actually genuinely enjoyed it a lot.

and as for the next episode… when i saw the preview, i knew i wasn't gonna love it. but oh boy, i didn't know it would be that low lol i'll try to post my review for it sooner rather than later.

#sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #season two #personal #text

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