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jo-harrington · 9 months

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On-the-Job Training (A Store Manager Verse Story - Steve Harrington/Reader)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: Steve has a crush on the Dippin' Dots cashier.

Warnings/Themes: AU where the Upside Down doesn't terrorize Hawkins. Late Summer of 1985, Steve and Robin work at Scoops, Reader works at Dippin' Dots, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Enemies to Lovers(sort of?), Tie in with the Store Manager Verse

Note: Ok what started off as a silly little conversation about what flavor chapstick each ST character would use turned into this and I typically don't write Steve...but I had to give him some love.

Tagging my loves who were integral to that convo to thank them for inspiration especially Drac who started it all. This is for you bb. @dr-aculaaa @mopeymopeymouse @chestylarouxx @somnambulic-thing @fracturedarkness @br0ck-eddie

Technically slightly anachronistic because Dippin' Dots didn't open until 1988 but I'm a stickler for accuracy in the regular series. This is just a fun little do-dad.

You can find my masterlist here for more fics featuring pretty much exclusively Eddie Munson content but also a little Steve.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Largely unedited; I didn't even re-read it. It's might suck. Enjoy!

---

"Ahoy! One U.S.S. Butterscotch!"

Steve never thought that this would be his future after graduation.

This summer he should have been living it up before he went away to college and made something of himself. Lifeguarding at the pool, going to all the parties, hanging out with his friends.

Instead, his life went to shit, Nancy Wheeler had broken up with him, he had gotten rejection letter after rejection letter from the schools he had applied to...and instead of working at the pool like he had every summer since he turned 16, he had a crappy job slinging ice cream at Scoops Ahoy of all places at the new StarCourt Mall.

"Thanks so much," the sweet lady who had placed the order smiled at him and handed the sundae to her son. "Look at that Frankie, your favorite." The little boy shot Steve a grin complete with his two front teeth missing and Steve melted a little bit.

Alright, it wasn't so bad. He got to make people smile, he got some spending money--which was nice since his dad had pretty much cut him off, although his mom was sneaking him some cash on the side.

"Look alive dingus," Robin called from the window separating the front of the ice cream parlor from the backroom. "Your schmoopsie poo is here."

"Shut up Rob!" Steve groaned through gritted teeth.

One of the perks of working at the mall was that he got to interact with people of all shapes and sizes and yeah...Steve had tried to use it as a means to get over Nancy. He'd had little hours-long crushes on fellow mall employees, customers, Robin--although working with her made that difficult--hell there was even a manager that had caught his eye towards the beginning of summer except he'd seen Eddie "The Freak" Munson of all people hanging around her.

Although after a few months of seeing Eddie around StarCourt not being a wastoid menace, Steve had to admit...well he wasn't that bad either.

The one who'd caught his eye the most though was you, and yeah...he'd developed an actual big little long-lasting crush.

You, who came around for a root-beer float most afternoons.

You, whose smile made his heart skip a little.

You in your pink polo, teal apron, and white visor with the words Dippin' Dots emblazoned on the front.

The enemy.

And you never let him forget it either.

Steve had been heart eyes over you the first time you had entered into Scoops territory to order your float. Undercover in casual summer clothes a week after the mall had opened. There was just something about you, your smile, your laugh.

Robin teased that he said that about everyone; Steve ignored her.

Then you opened your mouth and said the float was good but the service could have been better. That Steve should stop by Dippin' Dots sometime and see how it was really done.

Shots fired.

It really hurt at first. This was his first real job outside of the community pool, one he had been excited to get. He was really nice, tried his best; why didn't you think so?

"It's called flirting," Robin insisted. "God, you really suck, you know that? How can you ask people out willy nilly and then miss someone flirting with you right in front of your face? Flirt back next time."

So he did.

Every so often he'd mosey across the mall to your kiosk, order a small vanilla cup, and throw a little insult of his own your way. Usually something about how tiny balls of ice cream could never beat an actual scoop. Or about how you didn't count his change the right way, or that your visor was on crooked.

You wouldn't hesitate to get your own comment in. Especially about his choice in flavor.

"You work at an ice cream parlor and you order vanilla?" you questioned. "A hundred flavors to choose from at scoops; do you only get vanilla there too? Vanilla...is good but when you have variety? Order something exciting one day, and then we can talk business, Stevie."

Oof, it steamed him.

But not enough to stop playing the game.

And it left you both grinning so who was he to end the fun.

So when you showed up at Scoops today after not being around for a few days and your smile didn't reach your eyes like it usually did...Steve was suddenly overcome with...well he didn't really know.

"Ahoy, uh, sailor," he greeted and tried to put on his biggest award-winning, tip-earning smile.

"Ahoy," you replied weakly.

"Root beer float?" he asked, already heading over to the case to start scooping ice cream into a cup.

"Uh," you hesitated. "No, just...just a small vanilla cup today."

Steve froze and looked at you. Your shoulders were slumped, you had your visor in your hand, and you were pointedly avoiding eye contact with him.

What was...what was wrong with you?

Where was your fight? Where was your fire? Why, all of a sudden, was your game over?

"Hey, uhm," he coughed awkwardly. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, Steve," you nodded absently.

"You always get root beer."

"I just want vanilla today."

"The special is salted caramel? I can give you a sample if you're--"

"No, I just want vanilla," you cut him off and rolled your eyes. "You always get vanilla. Why is it a problem if I suddenly do? Vanilla is good too. Maybe vanilla is just...what we both want ok? Nothing else."

He was shocked. That wasn't playful annoyance in your voice; you were just...annoyed.

"Sure," he agreed. "Sure. One small vanilla coming right up."

He got your ice cream and rang you out, and as you were about to leave, he called after you.

"See you in a little while?" he asked.

"If you want." You waved goodbye and headed out of the ice cream parlor.

Steve turned and looked at Robin who simply rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"What just happened?" he asked.

"You're hopeless," she sighed and slammed the shutters on the window closed.

---

Steve roamed around the mall on his break.

Typically, he'd make his way to Dippin' Dots but...that just seemed like a waste of time today.

He'd fixated on your visit for the rest of his shift until his break, analyzing everything he said, everything he did. Everything that could have made you mad at him.

Once he got Robin out of her hiding spot in the back room, he monologued all of his thoughts to her.

She watched him pace back and forth, called him a dingus a few times, a loser a few other times, and then finally sent him on his break with some last words.

"I know you're hearing everything they're saying Steve," she began. "But are you really listening? You just keep...ordering vanilla."

"Uh. Yeah. That's the game."

"It's not a game you...ughhhhh! GO!" She pointed to the exit. "Before I throttle you."

Why couldn't she just tell him? What had he done?

In his rumination, he'd been chewing at his lips. A habit he had pretty much done his entire life when he got nervous.

Shit, and he'd left his chapstick in the car; it was hot, it probably melted by now.

That was one of the little ways you made his life a little better...through your teasing. You had told him, once, that his lips looked dry.

"Maybe invest in some chapstick or something."

He'd gone to Melvald's that same night that you told him and got a 3-pack of strawberry chapstick. All the while wondering if it meant you had been looking at his lips for a while or...

But it was...just another little jab right? Another little flirt? Another part of your game?

Still, he never knew when you might show up so the chapstick became a constant--something that soothed him even, gave him courage--and he always had a tube tucked into the pocket of his shorts, or on the register, or in the cupholder of his car. To swipe on if he knew he was about to see you...or hoped he was.

And now...he desperately needed it, needed his strawberry chapstick--needed you--and it was nowhere to be found.

Steve stopped in his tracks and looked at the stores around him.

WaldenBooks, Regis Salon, JH Camera Repair.

Claires.

Bingo.

He'd seen little kids with their play makeup and sparkly plastic jewelry post up in one of the booths at Scoops after they spent their allowance money at Claire's. He had to find strawberry chapstick there. He'd even take cherry. Something.

Anything.

Steve crossed into the pink-and-purple-and-pop-music-filled oasis to a melodic "Welcome In" from the employee helping a little girl by the ear piercing booth. And as out of place as he felt, he was immediately relieved to see a wall full of eyeshadow palettes and glitter hairspray.

He closed the distance and frantically searched the wall, but it was all novelty makeup. There was one package of Dr. Pepper lip smackers, but the package was half-ripped and the cap was missing; he was a little worried but he figured it was better than nothing.

He was about to snatch it off the hook when that voice sounded behind him.

"Did you need help finding anything?" He immediately turned on his heel to find the employee--the manager, Eddie Munson's girlfriend--standing there in a flourish of tulle and fluorescent colors. "Oh! That's a customer favorite...looks like it's damaged though, let me just..."

She reached out to take the package but Steve reacted instinctually. He quickly grabbed it and clutched it to his chest.

"I don't mind," he tried to reason. "I don't care if it's missing the cap."

"Listen, I can't sell it to you if it's damaged," the manager explained. "It's just not safe. Is there anything else I can help you find though?"

She reached for the package again but he held it back.

"I need this," Steve tried again.

"Oh...kay."

"Because I messed up and this...you know the cashier down at the Dippin' Dots kiosk? Well...I don't know...I pissed them off or something and I just need to...go down and talk to them and I can't."

"So the lip balm is a gift for them? To make amends?"

"No...it's for me because my lips are dry." Steve sighed. "I...ok I know it sounds crazy, but I swear. It's...they got me to start using chapstick because they said my lips were dry and it's this thing we do. We go back and forth and we tease each other.

"But they're mad at me now, and they didn't...I mean they ordered vanilla. They never order vanilla. They hate it when I order vanilla."

"Uh huh." The manager's eyes went a little soft. "I'm not...really following the logic...but I get it."

"You do?"

"You like each other. But you're just...going back and forth. And no one has really...admitted it," she observed. She suddenly burst into laughter and Steve cocked his head to one side in confusion. "Sorry, sorry...it's just...whatafuckincoincidence.

"So are you the one who's afraid of being rejected? Or...are they...or..."

Cue the record scratch in Steve's head.

Rejection.

All summer...all year actually...Steve had been faced with one rejection after another. First Nancy, then all of the college applications, his dad and now...all of the little fleeting mall crushes that he'd asked out that had said no.

Robin had even made a scoreboard that sat in the back whenever someone turned him down.

He thought all this time...he'd become immune to it. But with you...it was easier to think it was just a game than to possibly face the reality that if he asked you out...you'd say no and then the little game would be ruined. And his hopes would be dashed.

He didn't realize that all of his waffling could potentially be hurting you too.

"Why don't you," the manager continued when Steve hesitated to answer, "go down there and talk to them? Even if they're mad at you. Communication is very important. I'm sure if you explain everything, or even...just show that you're willing to bridge the gap, they'd be willing to listen. The worst they could say is no, but if they're already mad, you have nothing to lose. See if they'll give you a chance."

"So I...shouldn't order vanilla this time?" He looked up at her and asked, recalling your words.

Order something exciting, and then we can talk business.

The door had been open for him to ask you out this whole time.

And that's why you ordered vanilla earlier. Because Vanilla meant...meant that this...flirtation...this game...wasn't going anywhere. He hadn't made a move, so you didn't want to wait anymore.

God, he was so stupid.

"Uh, no...don't do that," the manager smiled kindly. She reached out for the broken lip balm and took it from him. "I'll just...damage this out."

"Wait...but my lips are still dry," Steve floundered. "I still need chapstick."

"Do you think there's gonna be some kissing happening?" the manager's eyes narrowed. "I said talk to them, not...plant one on them."

"I just need...something," he begged. "Strawberry...if you have it."

"I think we have strawberry flavored lip gloss by the register."

"I'll take it."

---

So there Steve was, in the concourse by JCPenney, patiently waiting in the line for Dippin' Dots with sticky, strawberry-flavored lips tinted a very nice shade of pink.

As soon as he had swiped the gloss on...as silly as he had felt...he had been reminded of you.

"Next!" your voice sounded every so often and the line got shorter and shorter, and Steve's courage got weaker and weaker. The Claire's manager had been right though...communication...the worst you could tell Steve was "no."

"Next!" You'd be just another tally on Robin's scoreboard. And she could call him a dingus again. She really enjoyed doing that. So some good would at least come from his failure.

"Next!" He'd also get...a cup of Dippin' Dots which...if he had to admit, he kinda enjoyed. He got all the Scoops ice cream he wanted for free but this was different. Ice Cream of the Future and all that. He sort of expected Henderson to come up with something like this, the little nerd; well, if he could never show his face here again, he'd ask the kids if they could figure out how to make some kind of futuristic ice cream for him.

"Ne--oh!" Steve finally got to the front of the line and saw your shocked face. He smiled and waved as he approached the register.

"Hey," he greeted. "I told you I'd see you around."

"You did," you said flatly and scrunched your nose. "So...the usual? Small vanilla cup?"

"Uh no..." Steve said hesitantly. You raised an eyebrow in question. "I uh...can I get a large..."

"Large vanilla?" You sniffed.

"Large Rainbow Ice," he recited after squinting at the menu board. "It's time for something new."

You stared at him silently and Steve couldn't help but doubt himself.

What if Rainbow Ice was the wrong answer? Should he have gone with Banana Split? Shit he should have just stuck with Strawberry. It was his favorite. Strawberry chapstick, strawberry gloss, strawberry ice cream. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Yeah," you finally answered with a beaming smile and Steve's heart soared. "Yeah it is time for something new, isn't it?"

Next Part: Incremental Planning

#stranger things fic #Steve harrington x reader #Steve harrington fic #store manager verse #Steve harrington fluff #scoops steve

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 1 year

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The Perfect Halloween Look - Gerard Way x Reader

Summary: You are attending the college Halloween party, not sure where you are standing with your friend Gerard, when he asks you to do his make up Reader: should be gender neutral (no pronouns used, Reader wears a dress and a hairband as a custume) Word count: 4 177 A/N: This didn’t post on Halloween for me and I don’t care what, it makes me fucking angry, because nothing since I got up went right and this is just the last straw. Take it or leave it. I’m off for today.

With furrowed brows you looked at your reflection in the mirror. For the past thirty minutes you had worked on your face paint for the college Halloween party. You planned on going as a dead cheerleader, already dressed in the short, red and white dress, which you had splattered with fake blood. You had applied a thin layer of white make-up all the way down your neck, giving your natural skin colour a sickly touch. Your eyes and hollows of the cheeks were powdered with black, green and blue eye shadow, making them look fallen in. All in all, you really did not look very healthy anymore. Maybe it was a bit too much though, not natural looking.

But who cared? This was not costume make-up for a realistic movie but for a college party. Nobody would care if it was a bit too much. It looked good.

You just hoped Gerard would think so too.

Gerard and you had been friends since your first year in college and had somehow ended up sitting next to each other in almost every class you took. You knew he loved dressing up and playing around with make-up, but much to your surprise he had been rather hesitant about answering your questions as what he wanted to dress up this Halloween until he had finally confessed that he just didn’t feel like dressing up at all. You had offered to help him with a bit of spooky face paint if he wanted, but he had turned down your offer.

Honestly, you did not have a lot of experience with make-up at all, but you had worked out some techniques by now, and any excuse to spend more time with Gerard alone was good enough. The way he had rejected your offer had just sounded a bit too annoyed for your taste, and now you were not sure if he even wanted to hang out with you at the party at all.

It was fine, you told yourself, as you applied a bit of blue eyeliner as lipstick, coating it with lip-gloss, and contemplated the result. You had other friends to spend the evening with, other friends who you could laugh and have a good time with.

But the truth was that it was not fine. None of them understood you quite as Gerard did, none of them made you feel as accepted, as noticed as Gerard. Your heart ached at the thought of him maybe not wanting to hang out with you. You had known for a while that you had developed a crush on the cute artist.

The way he was so passionate about his projects, be it for art school, comics, or music was enthralling and contagious. The way he talked about certain topics, you could just relate to him. And maybe that was what had prompted him to be more open with you recently. He had begun talking about more personal stuff recently, stuff you really hadn’t expect him to ever share with you. But maybe he had felt the same, and instead of feeling good about having confided in you, he had pulled away, drawn back.

Or maybe he had noticed you liked him and tried distancing himself in order for you to not get your hopes up.

Either way: his behaviour these past weeks made your stomach churn. With a sigh you grabbed the small tube with fake blood and slipped it into the box with the rest of the make-up which you planned on taking along to the party since you had offered a few girls from your class to do some low effort face paint for them. More white powder, black, green and blue eyeshadow, black lipstick and the fake blood should be enough. But you didn’t dare bringing up your hopes that maybe Gerard would ask you to do his make-up.

~*~

You were one of the first people to arrive at the party. It was held in one of the college buildings, a whole corridor of classrooms unlocked with each room offering different activities. One room had mostly snacks and drinks, one karaoke, and one even beer pong, even though the party was rather small and intimate, since it was only off your department at college. That meant about fifty people max, plus maybe a few friends and acquaintances. It also meant that you knew almost everyone there, and as soon as you had stepped foot into the building you got pulled into conversations.

An older student handed you a red solo cup filled with coke as you were discussing the new professor you both had, and how he seemed rather overwhelmed and unprepared for his classes, when the first of your friends arrived. Like promised, you helped them with a bit of face paint.

It was strange being so close to them as you tried to apply the different products to their face. You could smell their perfumes, and a few of them seemed to have had coffee not too long ago, since you could still smell it on their breath.

The task of getting your friends touched up made you forget about Gerard temporarily, and only after about an hour you noticed that he still had not arrived. You could not help but feel strange about it. You had noticed he had kept his distance recently, obviously you had, but that he would not even turn up the Halloween party because he would meet you here? The thought stung, and you bit your lip hard to hide its quivering, quickly reaching to a bowl with crisps to distract yourself.

That all your friends had left you hanging once you had done their Halloween make-up, and decided to get as drunk as possible in the first hour did not help your mood either. You didn’t feel like drinking. You didn’t even feel like being here at the party anymore, now that everyone had migrated to talk to other people, and not even Gerard was around. It was ridiculous really, how all of a sudden you felt lonely, even though the room was semi-crowded with people looking for snacks that were lined up on the table underneath a window.

You were just about to reach for the bowl a second time, already chewing on the salty crackers, when suddenly you spotted Gerard. His hair was black and dishevelled, just like always, and he wore his normal everyday clothes. One of your classmates walked up to him, doubtlessly commenting on the lack of Gerard’s costume, but Gerard’s eyes flickered through the room, until they landed on you. Quickly you sent him a smile and lifted your hand in greeting, your heart hammering in your chest. Gerard nodded at you, and – without taking his eyes off of you – made his way across the room to where you were standing next to the table on which your friends had sat while you had done their face paint.

“Hey,” Gerard greeted awkwardly, running his hand through his hair. A nervous gesture of his. “You look great.”

You felt your cheeks heat up as Gerard’s eyes skipped over your body, the tightly cut dress, your exposed legs, the white sneakers, and back up to your face. A smile tucked at his lips as he saw the red bow you had tied into your hair, perfectly matching the red of your fake-blood splattered dress.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, fidgeting around with one of the eyeshadow pallets you had used on your friend a few minutes ago.

“Your make-up looks really good too,” Gerard added, as if he wasn’t sure what else to talk about.

“Took me long enough,” you joked, rolling your eyes. “You didn’t dress up?”

Gerard shrugged. “Didn’t really feel like it…”

His eyes wandered from the eyeshadow palette between your fingers to the other make-up products you had still spread out over the desk besides you.

“Is there a chance I could still get a make-up appointment though?”

Your heart missed a beat and almost you would have dropped the palette you had been fiddling around with.

“What?”

“I mean… I know I said I didn’t want to. But seeing everyone else with this cool Halloween make-up on…” Gerard pulled up his shoulders, slipping the sleeves of his hoodie jacket over his hands insecurely.

“Uhm, sure,” you quickly, answered, trying to calm down your racing pulse, and gestured to the desk. “Sit down.”

Before this evening, when you had imagined doing Gerard’s make-up it had all been nice and cosy, but after having done the make-up for about half of your friends, you had realised how close you sometimes had to get if you wanted to get the details and everything else right. You had stood between their legs, sometimes leant in so close that their breath had fanned over your face, or spread some of the make-up with your fingers, since that had worked better than with sponges or brushes. It had not been weird with them, because they were your friends, and you were not interested in any of them romantically. But with Gerard…

Following your invitation, Gerard hopped up on the desk, letting his legs dangle like a little kid.

“What do you want me to do?”

Gerard furrowed his brows for a moment and looked across the room for inspiration.

“Just a skull, or something like that. Or what you did for yourself. I like that a lot. I can just be dead me.”

You laughed quietly at that, before you grabbed the white eyeshadow. You had experimented with theatre make-up, but the eyeshadow had worked best for your limited experience. And it made adding other colours easier.

With shaking hands, you dipped a little sponge into the eyeshadow (the cheapest you had found) and moved close to Gerard. You had wanted to stand beside his legs, positive standing between his legs like you had done earlier with your other friends would give you a heart attack, but he already had spread them for you to stand between them, so you did.

You could tell he was watching you closely as you began dapping the white powder all over his face. He was pale already, but the additional white made him look sickly. He was leaning back on his hands, drumming along to the music that was playing from the other room.

“Okay, close your eyes,” you demanded, and when he did, you gently dabbed more of the white eyeshadow over his lids, so you had an even foundation. It was tempting to use the moments in which he had closed his eyes to study his face more closely. His dark lashes were incredibly long, framing the curve of his eyelids perfectly. Quickly you focused back on the task at hand, and gently dapped more eyeshadow onto his skin.

“Whoa, why is it so bright here,” an older student, who had helped organise the party, suddenly exclaimed. Indeed, all the ceiling lights of the classroom were on, making the room look like a normal evening, instead of a Halloween party. “Let’s make this a bit more spooky, shall we?”

And with that he turned off almost all the ceiling lights, immediately covering the room in mysterious twilight.

Gerard was about to protest, that they should turn the lights back on, so you could see, but you shook your head.

“Let’s look for another spot, and let them have their fun,” you suggested, and he nodded obediently.

Quickly you gathered your make-up products and shoved them into the little bag you had carried them in, before stepping out into the corridor. The party spread along the whole hallway. The room you had just left was illuminated only by a single lamp now, the next room over by the reflections from a silver screen on which a few people were singing karaoke. Further down the corridor were more rooms, all comparatively dark, and probably swarmed by a few couples making out in the dim lights.

The only room that was probably well lit and empty was the bathroom for the disabled. A few doors down were the normal bathrooms, but this one was usually not used by regular students because most of the time it was lacking toilet paper. Which meant nobody would be bothered if Gerard and you occupied it while you finished his face paint.

You pointed to the door, and Gerard followed you into the small room. Inside were no booths, instead a toilet with a handle at the side, a shower, and a low sink. You had never understood why there was a shower in here, and your best guess was that it was due to the fact the building had been a residential building before it had been integrated into the campus of the college.

“Sink or toilet, where do you want me,” Gerard asked after he had turned on the lights and locked the door behind you.

Quickly glancing between the two options, you pointed to the sink, and Gerard hopped to sit on its rim. In the back of your mind, you wondered if the sink would break, since it certainly had not been made to be sat on, but when there were no suspicious noises, you relaxed, and stepped closer to Gerard again.

In the small bathroom the light was better than it had been in the classroom, and you could see just how spooky Gerard already looked with the bit of white make-up.

“I’ll add some green, blue and black around your eyes and to your cheekbones, so your face looks more fallen in,” you let him know while grabbing the first colour, making him nod.

“Sorry for not spending so much time with you lately,” Gerard suddenly blurted out, just as you began adding a thin layer of black to around his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” you shrugged, pretending like this was not exactly the conversation you had feared for weeks. “We’re all pretty busy right now, I guess.”

“No- I mean yes, but… I could’ve made time, and I didn’t.”

“It’s okay. We don’t always have to hang out if you don’t want to. Don’t worry about it.”

You could tell Gerard was shivering slightly, as you kept working.

“Everything okay,” you asked worriedly, dapping more colour onto his skin.

He just hummed in response.

“You’re shaking. Are you cold? Did you have enough to eat? Low blood sugar?”

“I’m fine. Sorry if I’m making this harder for you.”

“That’s not the problem, Gee,” you pulled away from his face, taking a look at your work. “’s just that I’m worried.”

“I’m okay. Really,” Gerard assured you, opening his eyes, when he noticed you had pulled away from him.

He looked sad, you suddenly realised. Sad and a little lost.

“Okay, if you say so…” not really believing him you packed away the brush for the eyeshadow. “We’re almost done, the last thing missing are the lips.” Suddenly self-conscious you pressed yours together, noticing how Gerard mimicked you, his eyes shortly flickering to your colour-coated lips. “Do you want to do them yourself? There’s a mirror behind you…”

Gerard couldn’t possibly feel comfortable with you applying make-up to his lips, with your bare fingers no less.

“Uhm… could you do it? If you don’t mind…”

You shrugged. “I don’t,” you lied, “but I’d have to do it with my fingers…”

“That’s okay.”

You shrugged again, and motioned Gerard to scoot a little, so you could quickly wash your hands. Once you had dried them well enough to be able to handle the colours again, you stepped back between Gerard’s spread legs. So far you had managed to stay a safe distance away from his face, but the lip make-up was a delicate matter. With the lips the whole look could either look great or absolutely terrible.

Taking a shaky breath, you dipped your finger into the colour, and brought it up to Gerard’s lips. They were warm and soft under your touch, almost plush. As you ran your finger along his lower lip, leaving a faint shimmer of blue, you concentrated on keeping the colour on his lips, and not accidently slip. But the intense stare with which Gerard was watching your face contort in concentration made focusing difficult. You pretended not to notice it, the way his eyes skipped over your face as if he tried to memorize every little Halloween make-up covered crease and pore.

It was only when you reached for the last colour, that you couldn’t take it anymore, and for a moment your eyes flickered up to his. That was when you froze. Your face was only inches away from his, and his eyes were taking you in with a sense of wonderment and…

“Your pupils are huge,” you whispered, not sure if you had meant to say that out loud.

Gerard blinked a few times before he answered, speaking just as lowly as you. “They are?”

You nodded with an affirmative hum. Somehow it was impossible to look away. It was as if Gerard was pinning you in place with his stare.

“Did you know our pupils dilate up to 55% when we look at someone we love?”

His words were but a breath in the silence between you. There was the humming of the neon tube of the bathroom lights, and the hammering of your heart in your ears, and Gerard’s stupid little fun fact, that almost made your heart stop as you wondered how wide your pupils were right now. Certainly dilated beyond normal. He could absolutely tell you felt attracted to him just by looking into your eyes alone.

But before you had time to realise that the statement was true for him as well, that his pupils were dilated because he looked at someone he loved, and the person he looked at was you, he had already closed the last inches between you, and pressed his lips to yours.

A quiet sound of surprised escaped you, before you dropped the eyeshadow pallet you had been holding into the sink, and wrapped your hands into his hair, kissing him back.

How often had you dreamt about this moment, of kissing Gerard? Far more often than you wanted to admit even to yourself. And you had certainly not imagined it to happen while you both were wearing layers and layers of carefully applied Halloween make-up.

His lips tasted powdery from the colours you had used, but when he kissed you deeper, a note of coffee and indescribable sweetness overwhelmed your senses, making you dizzy. As if Gerard had felt the reaction his kiss had on you, he brought his hands to your waist, pulling you closer to him, and kissing you harder. His body was soft and warm against yours, his clothes smooth under your hands. As you ran your fingers from his hair down his neck, you could feel tiny goosebumps rising underneath your fingertips, and he shivered, before he kissed you even harder.

He knew exactly what he wanted, you realised, as you let him take complete control over the kiss. He moved as if he had planned every single moment of this, as if he had imagined kissing you just as often as you had imagined kissing him. Both of his hands were placed at your waist now, pulling you in as close as possible, until your hip was flush to the cold porcelain of the sink he was seated on. His legs were on either side of you, not quite wrapped around you yet, just pressed to your side, warm, strong, stabilising you on your wobbly knees and keeping you close. You did not stop kissing until both of you were out of breath, but eventually, your lungs aching for oxygen, you pulled away.

Only then it really hit you, what had just happened. Gerard had kissed you, as if his life depended on it. Confused and shocked you stumbled a step back, taking in the man before you. His eyes were wide as he nervously tried interpreting your expression. A soft blush shimmered through the white powder, and the colour you so carefully had applied to his face was smeared around his lips in a mixture of the eyeshadow you had used for him, and your lip-gloss. He really did look like a Zombie who had just made out with someone with blue lipstick. If you could have seen your reflection in the mirror behind Gerard, you would have found you did not look much different.

With his feet dangling in the air, a few inches over the ground, Gerard watched you closely, as you blinked a few times in irritation and surprise before you carefully spoke up.

“What was that for?”

You could still taste him on your lips and tongue, the coffee and the sweetness, something so typically him and at the same time so much different from what you had imagined him to taste like.

Gerard gulped audibly at your question and averted his eyes embarrassedly. Fiddling around with the sleeves of his jacket, he took a deep breath, before looking up at you again.

“I know I hurt you by trying to distance myself from you recently,” Gerard suddenly blurted out. “I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t actually in love with you. But I am. And I’m sick of pretending I’m not.” His voice shook slightly as he talked, his still darkened eyes, pupils blown impossibly wide, staring at you, pleading you to understand. “I’m sorry if it makes things weird between us, but I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. And I just happen to be someone who’s totally, head over heels, helplessly in love with you.”

His words took a moment to register for you, took a few seconds for you to understand them before you could reply.

“It doesn’t have to be weird,” you told him, stepping back closer.

Slowly you brought a hand up to his face, careful not to destroy the make-up you had made such an effort of applying. Immediately he snuggled into your touch, his eyes not leaving yours, until you moved forward and pressed your lips to his again, shorter, sweeter this time, but with just as fast beating heart.

Gerard’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and his lips pulled into a smile. When you leant back again, you took a closer look at his face once more. His cheeks were pink underneath the white make-up, making him look more alive than he was supposed to look.

“I’m in love with you too,” you whispered into the narrow space between you, making him smile. “So, so much.”

You weren’t sure if you had ever seen Gerard smile as brightly as he did in that moment. His face was all crunched up, teeth showing, eyes glimmering happily. With a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh he nudged his nose against yours, before he pulled you into a hug. His arms around you, his chest against yours, his nose buried in your hair were so familiar, so well known, and yet at the same time something entirely new. Before, when he had hugged you, it had been quick, casual good-bye hugs. But now he lingered, deeply inhaled the scent that clung to your hair as you tightened your arms around him.

When you eventually pulled away, you brushed your finger over his lips, spreading the colour which your kiss had left a little more evenly, before you gave him a nod.

“You’re all good to go,” you let him know. “The perfect Halloween look.”

Gerard grinned and shimmied off the sink he had been sitting on, watching you as you put away the products and utensils you had used. From the corner of your eyes you could see Gerard biting his lower lip, and almost you would have scolded him for endangering the face paint you had applied so carefully, but he spoke up quicker.

“Is it too bold to ask you to be mine?”

Surprised you looked up at him, before you smiled again and stepped closer to Gerard. Immediately his hands came up to your waist, and you could not help but feel like it was a motion he had waited for ages to be allowed to do.

“It’s not,” you whispered and softly pecked his lips again, intertwining your fingers with his.

Together you walked over to the door, and as you unlocked it, you couldn’t help but think about how about thirty minutes ago you had stepped in here, thinking Gerard might have enough of you. Turning around to him, it seemed as if he had read your thoughts, because his eyes met yours and he lifted your hand up, pressing his lips to your knuckles, the expression on his face an almost dreamy, happy smile. He didn’t have to put it into words, with the way he was looking at you now, to eradicate all doubt, but you could see it in his eyes: the promise to never pull away from you again.

Taglist:

@alexstyx @jayloverthe3rd @robinruns @lookalivefrosty @butterflycore @omgsuperstarg @fivelegance @deadlovers @casmustdiee @cmtryghoul

#gerard way x reader #gerard way x you #gerard way imagines #gerard way imagine #gerard way fanfic #gerard way fanfiction #mcr imagines #mcr imagine #mcr fanfiction #mcr fanfic #my chemical romance imagine #my chemical romance fanfic #my chemical romance fanfiction #my chemical romance imagines #halloween #halloween fic #halloween fanfiction #fluff #hurt/comfort

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redolentgrove · 10 months

Text

Bijoux sat beneath one of the trees in the forest grove, thumbing through one of her new class textbooks. Several others sat in a neat stack, her right forepaw stopped upon the top of said stack, toes tapping nervously as she studied. A small part of her doubted that she needed to study anything before the school semester began, but she also figured that it never hurt to at least know some of what she had gotten herself into with this new schedule of classes. She probably would have remained sitting silently, save for the intermittent turn of pages, had a voice not interrupted her concentration.

The taur poked her head out from the book briefly. "Oh yeah, I'm one of the incoming freshmen at Hhhhhhhhhaaajjddbabhbbbhazha?????"

To say that Bijoux had been starstruck from seeing a Mew in front of her was a bit of an understatement. Any sort of cool demeanor she could have attempted to salvage was lost the moment she uttered what one might describe as a "key-smash" reply to the pink legendary's first question. And not to forget, the taur's book had gone flying out of her hands, landing a solid six feet over to her left, along with that neat stack of textbooks now looking more like a haphazard pile. "Uh… scuse me…" she murmured, a hot blush coating her tan face, the white-freckled tips of her ears also glowing a pinkish hue.

Bijoux spent about a half-minute straightening her book stack before getting the book she had thrown, more relieved than anything that it had landed spine-down and appeared to have no real damage to its binding. She closed it in her hands, placing it carefully atop the reformed stack and nervously slashing the air behind her with that absolute feather duster of a tail located on her backside.

"I… sorry, sir, I'm just… I don't see a lot of legendaries or mythicals around other than Mom. And even when I do, it's usually just Mom talking to them… I need a second." She took a few deep breaths, focusing herself a bit before returning her gaze to Lucifer. Though her tail continued to dart wildly, it too began settling into a rhythm with each passing breath she took. And after a few more pauses, she felt composed enough to speak, this time with actual thoughts and coherent words.

"Sorry. Uh… y-yeah. Yes. I'm going to be a freshman at Harmonia University this fall." Bijoux nodded curtly, regaining a more matter-of-fact tone to her voice the longer she spoke. "I can't speak for every other region in the Pokemon world, but I know Harmonia University is a school designed by and for anthropomorphic Pokemon. There are a lot more Pokemon like me and Mom and Cascade than I think most visitors give credit for existing. And even more of them stand on bipedal bodies with hands and more of a 'human' shape instead of being their more commonly found 'standard' body shape. Not saying you wouldn't know that given that you're uh… a Mew, and all, just… you're not the first Pokemon to be surprised that I go to school."

"So basically, there are a bunch of schools all around Unova like that, mostly ranging through four levels. And you have to complete each level before moving onto the next. It goes like this: elementary, middle, high, and finally there are colleges or universities, depending on what the school calls itself. Harmonia University is that fourth level of school. And, well… not every Pokemon goes to college, or even gets accepted there if they apply. There's a whole process you have to follow before you can even apply, let alone get accepted."

The Cinccino-taur smiled broadly, ears perking. Some of her blush had been disappearing while she spoke, and by now it was only really slightly tangible as a hint of pink upon her freckles. "Luckily, since I got a lot of good grades, did a lot of extra things on my time out of school, and was valedictorian, I had a pretty strong chance of going just about anywhere I wanted. It would have taken an act of Arceus or a completely disgraceful application essay for me to get rejected."

Bijoux cast a somewhat apologetic glance at the Mew, clearly a bit worried she sounded arrogant with all of this self-praise. "Not everyone has that chance, though. I shouldn't brag… but I mean, I did work my four legs into a frantic mess doing everything I did in high school. Archery team captain, math bowl, community service, computer club, choir, yearbook editing… I don't think I had much free time at all between one meeting to the next over the last four years. Not to mention the battling team… and of course, a lot of senior year practicing for the spring talent show with a song I didn't want Mom hearing. That was tough, keeping her from hearing which song I was singing for it until the day of…"

The taur once again blushed hotly, realising how much she had been talking. "Oh no, I started rambling, I'm sorry! Well, actually, I mean, I just.. I don't usually get a chance to talk about a lot of this stuff other than with family. And with another legendary, no less. I'm still just trying to get used to being more open about things. I spent the better part of my first three years of high school somewhat closeted since I began transitioning into a girl right before it. I guess it's been… weird, trying to get used to finally being myself and having everyone else recognise it."

"It got awkward when I introduced myself to everyone in freshman year as 'Bijoux,' since there were a few kids who knew me as my old deadname from middle school, and a couple of them wouldn't let it go and thought I was faking it or just going through a phase. Luckily, I had a lot more Pokemon who supported me for who I am and the bullies usually shut up pretty quickly once bigger and stronger Pokemon made them a target. So as tough as it started, once things started really taking hold, it got a bit easier, day by day."

Bijoux sighed and looked over at Lucifer with a shy, downcast gaze. "School has this weird way of testing just how strong you are, mentally and physically. If 'mons detect weakness in you in some fashion, or sense that you're uncomfortable or unhappy with yourself, they latch on and beat you down with words and sometimes fists or moves. I was able to put on a brave face most of the time, but there would always be the oddball day where it felt like nothing brought me a smile. Luckily, I had Mom and friends around to listen when I needed someone else's ears to do the listening instead of my own."

"Basically, to paraphrase some quotes I used in my graduation speech, school has been a trial, one that I've been able to pass, even if felt like it was by the tiniest hairs on the tips of my ears. I’m not very good at lying; a lot of high school sucked. But I learned, if you’re lucky enough to have good friends and a family that cares, it doesn’t suck nearly as much. I tell everyone I meet: stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. When the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not 'sort of the same thing.' There is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can’t be improved with pizza, a song in your heart, or anything else that you enjoy. Even the smallest joy, or tiniest bell of positivity ringing in your heart, can flourish into the exact cure for what gets you through the most difficult portions of your day."

"No matter how perfect someone else's life may look, everyone has their own battles. Some are just better at hiding the scars of their failures and masking the effects of time's ever-forward march. It doesn't invalidate said scars or make them any less worthy of help when they, too, reach out a paw in need. Sometimes the solution is a good conversation, and a carefully tuned ear. Other times, someone needs a more 'material' solution. But in the end, many battles are impossible for a single 'Mon to solve, no matter how strong or perfect in every aspect they may be. Not a legend, a mythic… not even Arceus themselves can solve all. That's why we have others, and why I'm always going to be thankful for those who helped me along the way, whether with paws large or small."

The taur shook her head, adjusting her glasses slightly. That bright crimson hue remained hot upon her snout and cheeks, and she clasped a hand to her forehead. "Hfff, there I go again… I'm really sorry, sir… I just… you know, Mom was telling me that she got to talk to an old friend for the first time in centuries and how good he was at listening and empathising with her about some of the tougher things on her mind. And she said that friend was a Mew, with greenish eyes, round ears… and you matched that description. I just hoped, maybe, it would happen to be you, and…" Bijoux held her hands up to her chest. "Well, I'm just glad that I was able to get some of that out in the open, if I'm being totally honest. Again, I just… don't get a lot of chance to talk to others about things unless they're Mom or Cascade… I really want to get better about talking about myself when I talk to other Pokemon."

"Oh! I totally forgot to answer the other thing you asked me…" She slunk backward slightly, tail fluttering nervously. "Subjects, classes… oh, yeah, absolutely!!! I can't wait to see what advanced math and science classes are going to be waiting in college! And of course, being able to sing for more people will be nice." Bijoux's eyes closed in thought, a tinge of red still dotting her face. "Uh, sir… if you ever went to school, what do you think you'd want to study? I'm sure you'd do really well, with such a careful attention span, wherever you went! I just worry some of the students might try and treat you like a kid if you did… you don't look like you'd enjoy being viewed childishly. And I wouldn't blame you at all."

You can sense a palpable relief in Bijoux's words and facial expressions, but the part of "being honest about herself when talking to other Pokemon" seems to stand out especially strongly. She clearly hasn't discussed her transition much, but what else might she be hesitant in admitting?

(( @ask-no151 ))

((Art credits: The picture of Bijoux was drawn by Leche (the mod of ask-n) as a commission! Click their name for more info and perhaps get in touch with them if you'd like some fantastic art of theirs as well!))

((Ask hints have been updated!))

#bijoux cinccinotaur #lucifer mew #can you tell we watched 'daria' a lot #i wish i had a friend like luci in my life tbh #he just has that natural vibe to him #where you can be honest with him and not be scared #not my art

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omni-scient-pan-da · 1 year

Text

Okay so new college post instead of reblogging that infinitely long one but here's the gist of the situation under the cut, it's a ramble, and I'm mostly just trying to get my thoughts coherent so no need to feel obligated to offer your sympathies or anything like that because of the situation kinda thing @omni-scient-pan-da

Okay so-

I applied to 10 schools because my guidance counselor got me a fee waiver

I applied to 5 in state schools and 5 out of state schools (four of which were Ivy Leagues and one of which was Ivy Adjacent so like a long shot)

So far I've been accepted to all 5 in state schools and rejected from 1 out of state school and I'm waiting to hear back from 3 Ivy Leagues and the 1 Ivy League Adjacent

But see... The thing is, Michelle also got accepted to one of the in state schools, aka the most prestigious school in our state, and that's like her dream school and she already committed and everything, and we had joked in the past that we should room together if we went to the same college but since we both got in, Michelle has been like... Seriously talking about us rooming together

And she understands and supports the fact that I'm still waiting on admissions decisions from 4 schools, but ALSO (backstory time)

My parents are separated and my dad is an asshole

Unfortunately he's also an asshole that makes all the money, we live off of like pure child support and then my part time job is used to pay for things for myself that way I don't have to ask my mom for money

My dad is such an asshole that he refuses to fill out the fucking financial aid documents so I can afford to go to college

The ONLY way I'd be able to warrant going to an out of state school is if I have financial aid because they'll take the cost from like 60k-80k down to like free with the bracket we fall under

My father refuses to fill out the financial aid, there's no way to get financial aid without him filling it out, regardless of if I get accepted to these four schools, I don't think I'll be able to afford to go

Anyways, my mother is very upset about this but I've more or less come to terms with it, I've applied for every scholarship I can to go to the prestigious in state school and I would very much like to room with Michelle and start planning dorm layouts and fun things like that, but like--

If I get accepted to any one of those four school's I'll have to decide to not go

Like I'll have to choose to not go because of financial aid or whatever reason

And it'll have been my choice

But if I get denied from all four of those schools I don't have anything to worry about because it makes sense for me to stay in state then, and the only "choice" I have to make suddenly becomes a no-brainer

Apparently the Ivy Adjacent school is announcing their decisions a week from today, which is much sooner than the Ivys who aren't releasing their decisions until March 30th kinda thing which is stressing me out

On one hand it would be really nice to get in, it would be proof that all the hard work and effort I put into school all these years, all the tears I've cried all the late nights I've pulled away worth it to get perfect 4.0 grades in advanced classes

... but on the other hand I would have to make a decision that will probably end in me denying the opportunity to go to a very prestigious school with a good genetics program and I... I really don't want to have to make that decision

So it's not like I don't want to get in, because I'd be very grateful for the opportunity I'd have to attend an out of state school

But for the first time in YEARS I can actually picture a future for myself? And I haven't been able to do that since I was a kid and I really don't want to have to choose between that future I've envisioned for myself and all the what ifs I'd be missing out on if I didn't push myself out of my comfort zone and leave the state to go to school

Idk it's just... A lot of decision making and even though I put a lot of time and energy into those applications, part of me hopes that I just get rejected that way I don't ever have to make the decision between the two and I won't have to wonder what would have happened if I made the other decision

Idk if that makes any sense but yeah, we'll see what happens next Tuesday and then at the end of March with admissions decisions and... Well, here's hoping for an easy decision 🤞🏽

#panda posts

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queenharumiura · 1 year

Note

Dream + tears :0

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((OOC: Oho. Ohohoho Also, time to exercise my Lambo-muscle again))

Haru answers the door to see little Lambo standing there. No one else was there with him, so he’d obviously made the travel alone.

She ushers him to not keep him outside. “Lambo-chan? Why were you alone? Didn’t you have someone to walk you here?” She would have a stern talking to if he did ask someone to walk him over and they rejected him.

They’d best have a good explanation for letting a child walk around alone. It was dangerous in general for kids to wander the streets alone, much less one that was affiliated with the mafia! Lambo grabs onto the bottom hem of her shirt, “When are you coming back?”

A pause, as she’d given the excuse that she was busy studying for exams. She wasn’t necessarily lying, but it wasn’t the full truth either. She needed some time to herself, and the timing just so happened to work out.

In order to sort out her feelings, she had stopped visiting the Sawada household for a while, and if anyone asked about it, she said that she was studying hard for exams. She wanted to have good marks for when she starts applying for colleges.

Knowing that Haruyoshi was a professor, and that Haru has always valued her studies, it was convincing enough that everyone left her alone, aside from the occasional words of encouragement regarding her studies. She appreciated the sentiment, but what she really needed was some time.

All will be fine afterwards.

“I-- I still need some time, sorry Lambo-chan.”

“When are tests over? I miss you, Haru.” The childish imploring of this child was so hard to disregard. How can she ignore him when he was giving her the dreaded puppy eyes? She holds her breath as she tries to ground herself. Find her center.

The others were considerate enough to give her space and not give her any distractions, but Lambo was the one kid who was selfish and stubborn enough to act out on his own whims and seek her out.

For someone else, they may have gotten mad at the tiny cow child for being inconsiderate, but not Haru. She adored Lambo, and it was nice to see him after a while of her not visiting. She missed him and everyone else, but she didn’t have the confidence to showcase her classic carefree smile around them- not at the moment.

Haru was the one that was normally tasked with babysitting Lambo because she had a good handle on him and her patience for the child was practically a godsend. Not only that, she was someone he trusted. He could be as bratty as he wanted and he knew that she’d still care for him and do her best to understand him. She wouldn’t instantly judge him as a bad child, but try to figure what the root of the problem was and talk him through it.

No matter what, she was someone who would support him every step of the way. An older sister figure who he could rely on and be a little braggart to. Haru never scared him or was mean to him.

Maybe it was because they spent a lot of time together, Lambo was pretty keen on picking up on changes in Haru. It wasn’t that hard, considering she let her guard down around him when she thought he wasn’t looking.

He may be a child, but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid! When he noticed she was feeling down, he’d do something silly to make her laugh, or be a little brat to take her mind off whatever was making her sad.

The frown she was making was the kind she makes from time to time.

It didn’t feel right to not have Haru around. He missed having his big sister figure around. When he manages to accomplish something, he liked to get praise from everyone, and Haru was one of the first he would turn to.

With her not being around, it felt lonely. The others noticed her presence too, of course, but it wasn’t the same. He liked hanging out with the older guys when they didn’t try to shoo him away, or get annoyed with him, but he really liked to be around Haru.

(Admittedly, her stash of candies was a big factor here)

Haru could tell that her absence had truly been bothering him if the fact he came to visit her on his own was any indication. If she had to bet, Lambo had already asked to come visit her, but the others dissuaded him in order to let her focus on her studies. At the tipping point, he came by himself, though he knew he really shouldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Lambo-chan... I... might be a while longer.”

The tiny tears threatening to fall broke her heart to see. He’d been trying to be a ‘big boy’ and stop crying so often, but their crybaby cow couldn’t break his habits so easily. “Why?” Those tears he was trying to keep at bay start falling down his cheeks.

Sniffle

“Do you not like us anymore? You were sad.”

It wasn’t until then that Haru realized how much she dropped her guard around him if he noticed her mood prior to her avoiding everyone.

“I can be better. I won’t bother you.”

Ah... someone must’ve said he’d only be a bother. Did he take it the wrong way and think she thought of him as a bother? She scoops the tiny child into her arms, feeling guilty for allowing the child to think of such things. “No no, you’re no bother, Lambo-chan. You’re a good boy.”

Affected by his tears, she started crying too in the doorway.

“I’ll be back, I promise.” It was hard, finally coming to terms with the fact that no matter how hard she tried, or how long she waited, he wasn’t going to look her way.

It was time for her to give up and move on, and that was the hardest part. It hurt, a lot, but she needed to do this.

Snif- “Really?”

“Of course. Give me a bit more time, okay? Pinky promise.” She holds out her pinky, and he interlocks his smaller pinky with hers. The anxious fear of her never returning subsides slightly.

Surely, Lambo wasn’t the only one who noticed. Sometimes, Haru would low in energy after interacting with Tsuna. She’d be sad on occasion and it wasn’t really anyone’s fault.

No one owed anyone else feelings being returned. It was no one’s fault for feeling the way they did towards another.

“Are you still sad?” He asks, patting her arm, like she would for him when he was crying.

This tiny child was more observant and considerate than people gave him credit for. He was a brat, and a bit obnoxious, but he always knew what was important.

“Yes, but i’ll be okay soon.” She wasn’t going to lie to him when he was genuinely concerned.

“Can I help? I have bandaids.” He starts rummaging through his hair. “I can give you my candy.”

She giggles at his silliness. “How about this instead? When Haru finds someone she likes, she’ll introduce them to you.”

Lambo looks at her for a moment, before thinking it over. He mulls it over for a minute before he makes his choice. Who didn’t know that Haru had feelings for Tsuna?

That wasn’t a secret.

She was moving on and that wasn’t lost on the younger boy. “Okay! Introduce Lambo-san to them and I’ll judge them for you! If they make you cry, Lambo-san will punish them! Nyahaha!”

“Will you do that for me? Thank you, Lambo-chan.” She pats his head affectionately. He was such a cute little boy. “It’s a promise then. When I find someone I like, I’ll introduce them to you so you can judge them for me.”

Haru wakes up groggily and she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. “Odd-- I wonder why I dreamed of that?”

Tired, she shrugs it off and rolls back over to fall right back to sleep.

#Yuuwen #Meme answered #Answered ask #Thanks for the ask!#Haru speaks #((This is my blog canon that Lambo has dibs on judging whoever Haru ends up liking next. Tis his right as a younger bro))#((He will stubbornly judge anyone and be like are you any good for Haru? She's too good for you. BYEEE!!!!!!!))#((He's got his resources and he's not afraid to use them to chase away someone who isn't good for her))#Haru HC drabble corner #Neo drabble

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togeqii · 2 years

Note

the advice i would've most liked to hear when i was choosing my major is that you don't have to have it all figured out !!

...which is probably not what you wanna hear while stuck in the thick of it,,,but it rly is true.

the second piece of advice i would offer has like a practical/"logical" part and a more intuitive part: essentially, part A is to write down a list of your options for a major on paper (important to feel how You feel writing it) and research the degree/course requirements for each one and whether they're feasible for you/courses you want to do (could reasonably survive doing; bc obv you can't Love every course, but reasonably surviving is a decent baseline).

part B is basically to dial down the logic and practicality and any external forces that could be influencing your decision (pressure from those around you, the notion of "profitable" vs "unprofitable"/"dead end" degrees, etc etc) and to let your intuition go to work. write out the list again, or go onto your college site, go thru them, and act out a scenario as if you're going to select each one of your options, one after the other; pay attention to how you Feel while doing this (and nix majors accordingly).

if the major causes even slight dread, heaviness, a pit burrowing underneath your ribs, then i would say that's probably not the major for you. you'll probably know the difference between dread and just anxiety here. i guess the aim is to find a major that has an absence of dread? makes you feel neutral, fine, content even? as long as it's a positive feeling, and something you find interesting, in any way. and if it doesn't work out, change it! i changed mine from fine arts to sociology, anything can happen :). i also cannot recommend seeing academic advisors enough! it's their job to help with stuff like this, and they have a wealth of info.

your first choice doesn't always have to be the Right choice; even if you figure out it's not what you want, you might learn some cool things along the way, and create a clearer path for near future you.

anyway i will get off my soapbox now !! best of luck :)

ghwkdkdjfkekd me when i start crying over this . like sobbing buckets at 2am . thank you so much for your advice :"") i think a problem with me is like . i thought i knew what i wanted to do coming into college and then i applied to my major and then i got rejected and i got my second choice which like..... truthfully in principle i like it a lot but i feel so pressure on time and the courseload is just so hard and i ... 😭 and its like the next option for me is either sticking with it and seeing how i fare or choosing a different major which . could also go 2 ways because the ones i'm interested in are all capacity-constrained & one of the ones i have as a backup is just So capacity constrained (28% :"") ) that the best option is to move campuses and i Really don't want to do that so i just feel so . So .... stuck .

but enough with me complaining hhhhh i will definitely talk to my advisors about this :"") i guess i'm just stressed because theyre not readily available during the summer so i'm just . stewing in my own misery HHHHH but thank you...... i Always appreciate your soapbox 🫂🫂🫂🫂

#.xx #auden !

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welcometomy20s · 1 year

Text

March 8, 2023

Back when I was a baby, my mom would carry me through a climb up a mountain in my neighborhood, and both my mom and I have loved climbing ever since.

Once on a climb, my mom talked about her philosophy regarding climbing. She said that every step on a climb is a commitment to make that same step back down home.

Everytime I open my ‘third’ eye and start to head down the abyss of thoughts, I would have to remind myself that nothing useful would be done unless I head back out. I guess the same is true for drugs, taking the stuff is fine but you need to get back to the trailhead.

There is a story published in n+1 magazine called The Feminist by Tony Tulahimutte that basically describes a descent into the far right by supposed feminist, and it’s kind of a mystery trying to figure why someone would fall down that path, and the answer is pervasive, but it only glimpses in the forefront - it’s very beautifully constructed.

My glimpse to the answer comes with the protagonist’s interaction with his QPOC agender friend from his college co-op… which from his description tells us that he only thinks of them as a series of labels and not as an… person. His scenes with them always reminds me of those Daily Show routines, which have Jon, the everyman, interact with a correspondent of some ridiculous pursuit. It’s a gentle rib at the whole situation, but oddly perpetuates them.

Once you know the answer, the behavior pops right at you at the first paragraph. Someone had a crush on the protagonist and he rejected her because it wasn’t ‘his type’, not because she wasn’t compatible, or had no interest in common, but because of her body figure.

Right there, the predators are going ‘that’s the mark’. One of the fascinating things about the group I just mentioned is their fascination with aesthetics. They care what they come off as, rather than who they really are. Another thing, which the protagonist exhibits plenty and something I am preyed on far too often, is how he focuses heavily on his sensational experiences but rarely on others’. It’s as if, as with many things about these people including myself, I can’t stop thinking about myself… There is a new derogatory term called NPC, but I think a significant advantage of neurotypicals is that they can imagine themselves as NPC, as a non-player character in someone else’s story and somehow maneuver themselves around that.

In part, I understand his persuasions. My head lies in physics and mathematics after all and Leibinz’s law is strong there, the objects are defined by their properties, but real things can’t be defined that way simply because these properties change all the time. People grow, they adopt new styles and attitudes, and yet they are still one. People are narratives, which are unconstrained by rigid properties… In fact, narratives only exist in hindsight in reality.

Reading that story again makes me downright uncomfortable, and also deeply more relatable, which adds to the horrifying feeling. I feel like I am being comfortable in my loneliness… and I notice people leaving me behind, but most importantly there is a rekindling of the deep fear that I have, my lack of empathy… but it’s not really empathy, but something more than that.

So why? Can we save him? The story deliberately starts out in high school, where he is already far too gone. You might notice a rise in autism in the recent decades, and there have been very bad explanations about this, but in actuality there is a social cause. We think complexly to understand ourselves and our place in the world, but starting in the late 70’s, there was a thought in leading institutions that we had solved everything and therefore introspection and outro-spection was not necessarily, the goal was efficiency not finding the goal.

As Thatcher said, there are no alternatives. This was the solution, and any attempt to think otherwise would be a waste of time. Humans need not apply, but not the reason it was originally said. We still needed Homo Sapiens, AI was still in infancy and there are many challenges that still need to be overcome and some that can’t, but they didn’t need to be humans.

So humans were made… lean. They still processed like humans, they could empathize, they were intelligent, but they were left off of thinking complexly, trying to understand his place in the world, so they were easy to manipulate into tools of the state, or go rogue in some cases.

#personal #feminism?#society

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karma-and-faith · 1 year

Text

“I don’t know, I was recommended a few projects to personally work on but I barely survived the last round.” Carmafe sighs, kicking her legs up in frustration. “I don’t want to think about fucking torsion and tolerances for another week- ugggggh!!” Her friend on the end of the call let Carmafe get all of her whining out before responding, already knowing that otherwise she’d be interrupted every other minute.

“Why don’t you just take a vacation? When was the last time you had one? When we all went to the summer islands 3 years ago?”

“I- Fuck, I guess it has been like 3 years.” Carmafe rubs her eyes and swipes her arm across the bed until she finds her discarded phone, “Maybe I do need a break. Would you want to come along?”

“Sorry sweetheart, I’ve got a big-“

“Project and the deadline’s coming up,” Carmafe finishes for her with a sigh. That’s the problem with half of your friends being contracted engineers and the other half being engineering consultants- someone always has a project and there’s always a deadline. Getting even 2 friends together for a lunch date was a 2 week affair. Of course she shouldn’t complain- how often had she rejected plans for the same reason?

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take the day to think about where I want to go and then make the calls to see who’s free.” She rolls out of bed and steps into her slippers before heading out the door, “Call me back if you want to play hookie.”

“I’m literally working with explosives, I can’t!” Carmafe laughs at her friend’s distress before snapping her phone shut. She walks downstairs, pointedly looking away from her home office and goes straight to the kitchen.

“Water, soda, lemonade, y agua de jamica. So many options.” When the pantry turns out to be equally barren, she digs out a frozen lasagna she had prepped last week. “Really need to pick up groceries today, gonna be eating lemonade ice cubes for dinner if I don’t.”

While the lasagna bakes, she takes a minute to dust off her social media sites and check up on her other friends. As always, she goes to each page and scrolls down, liking every single post. No deaths, a few promotions, and a handful of photoshoots to honor the new season. After her little role call, she goes to aimlessly scroll through videos for a while but upon opening the app is immediately met with a girl crying about how she hadn’t been chosen and that there must be a bias because her essay was perfect. Carmafe checks the tags and then had to double check the date.

“Wow, they’ve already picked out the exchange students huh? But how does she know she didn’t get in?” Carmafe mulls over the video and decides to watch the promotional videos as she ate her lasagna.

The Royal Academy of Diavolo is proud to present its esteemed student council. It is our honor to open the doors of our school and welcome in a new generation of demons and humans alike to-

For as much as the video hyped up the program and intrigue of going to school in a different dimension, it didn’t say much about the school and kingdom itself. Everyone that went and came back was sworn to silence but had given generally positive reviews. Most of the negative ones were over petty shit like food preferences and the amount of walking and studying you had to do, but isn’t that just every college campus? The thought of returning to college and getting to study topics like magic and deadly toxins sent shivers up her spine, and Carmafe wonders for the hundredth time if her essay had been good enough.

As the leader of the “Fuck Around And Find Out” club, of course she had applied. Nothing on earth could compare to the thrill of just imagining going to live in a place with magic and demons, the moon looming over you for eternity. Another shiver of excitement course through her as she threw her plates into the dishwasher and scrolled back to the video of the crying girl, checking her comments for hints on how to know if you’d gotten in. Almost every comment was some kind of whine or complaint about not getting in, and those that weren’t were condemning everyone who applied. She switches to her email app but catches her breath form steam in the air. In under a second the room had darkened and she was chilled to the bone, a large purple portal tearing itself open in front of her.

“I guess that’s my acceptance letter.”

#carmafe.ozera #OMNG #PrincessOzera

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limitlessgoddess · 2 years

Text

How i attracted the college of my dreams ( without even realizing it )

long story coming so be prepared. there's a little bit of strong language so please read at your own discretion.

let me begin by telling you an account of how it started. i'm gonna be honest, my self concept was shi at that time but i still ended up manifesting what i want because i've always had the assumption everything always works out in my favor. i am gonna tell you all the barriers in my way, the mistakes you should NOT make, and my success story.

SO LESS GOOO

my barriers:

a toxic ldr ( my sc got bad because i was gaslighted way too many times and made to believe i couldn't live without them but i turned out just fine, don't let your SP tell you shi about yourself and get away with it 💀 i called them out and there was Lotta f*ckin drama but then they came begging back 2 months later wanting to be friends like girl i forgot about your existence whatchu doin in my empire 🤡 )

online school ( my concentration was 📉 pls + that person was an attention wh*re )

only above average grades ( around 80% )

medium SAT score ( 1140 )

severe migraines ( i don't have them anymore MUHAHAHA )

i revised and changed them, now they only feel like a bad dream i had ages ago.

Mistakes to AVOID

don't say i didn't, say i didn't warn ya

MISTAKE #1:

basing my sc on my sp. the worst thing you can do. it's not YOU that wants them, they want you. they're begging to have you so STOP PUTTING them on a pedestal. i have seen a lot of SP fanatics being like i can't live anymore blah blah after their SP blocks them or says something they didn't want to hear. they merely acted on your assumptions and you can easily shift into a reality where they never did or said that, okay?! YOU ARE THE MFING BOSS.

MISTAKE #2:

letting circumstances dictate what goes on in your head. ngl there were several instances i wanted to give up on my college application and future but I DIDNT. it was stressful at times ( because my assumptions were so ). my higher self knew that i could do better and i deserved better so i began to focus only on my sc for a month.

MISTAKE #3:

caring about what people thought. i live in india where majority of students go abroad for their postgrad but i was one of them who was going for her undergrad abroad. i was doing something out of the box, that was alien to the ordinary people around me. i was asked a lotta times about my future and i told it every single time im going abroad and they would suggest me to study in a top indian uni. that created doubts in my head, whether i should be really doing it but i reminded myself every single time that i am meant to be great, i am meant to be extraordinary. After all, I AM GOD AND NOTHING CAN HURT ME. i hate being told what to do so i ended up making them look second- rated lmao

tip: YOU MAKE YOUR OWN RULES SO PLEASE CREATE RULES THAT MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR YOU, NOT COMPLICATED ( LIKE I DID 😭 )

Finally the success story y'all been waiting for:

i applied to around 12 universities. 2 hard, 5 moderate, 5 safety.

initially i got rejection letters but that turned around after i started affirming that i was admitted to all my colleges/ unis with a full tuition scholarship.

i got accepted into 2 moderate and 3 safety. i got waitlisted in one safety and rejected in the rest. all my safety unis were public so they usually offer $ 9000-11000 to international students as scholarship. The 2 moderate unis i applied to were private so i achieved REALLY HUGE SCHOLARSHIPS from them. i achieved 50% tuition scholarship from one and 90% tuition scholarship from ANOTHER!!!

ever since i was in 8th grade, i've wanted to settle in a big city with a high paying job in a country abroad ( either Canada, USA, or South Korea ). the college i got a 90% scholarship from is just a few hours away from New York City. it's in a rural area and has got a strong knit community ( to help me feel like home ). not only that, they have got excellent facilities for international student. i learnt from my college counsellor about the internship and career development opportunities as well and they are HONESTLY FANTASTIC!!! i have always wanted to start working, earning, and investing since a young age because i love money way too much 💀

i won't work for my money, my money's gon work for me.

remember, you should never be ashamed to have it all. you should not be ashamed to choose a career where u get lots of money. money is a necessity and the world functions because of economies. the base of an economy is MONEY 💸🤑 so affirm for that paper without feeling bad about wanting it.

THAT'S IT FOR THIS POST.

KEEP MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE, PEACE, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. YOU DESERVE THE BEST, DONT LET YOUR CURRENT SELF TELL U OTHERWISE BECAUSE YOUR HIGHER SELF KNOWS WHAT'S THE BEST FOR YOU.

TRUST YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

I LOVE Y'ALL 💖💖💖

#law of assumption #law of attraction #manifestation #manifesting #success story #neville goddard #mindset #mental diet #self concept #specific person #college #college acceptance #belief

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chaeryybomb · 3 years

Text

TRAITOR

pairings: female reader x lee heeseung

summary: you thought lee heeseung was the best boyfriend you could ever wished for. but they did warn you about long distanced relationships. at first, you convinced yourself that it was just your insecurities taking over. but your gut feeling has never been wrong

genre: college au, lovers to exes, fluff, angst, sad ending

featuring: kang hyewon, shin ryujin, lee chaeryeong, lee daehwii, yang jeongin & zhong chenle

word count: 10.4k

warnings: breaking up, mentions of insecurity and cheating, arguments, strong language

the sour series masterlist

Setting down the final box on the ground, you released a sigh of relief and stretched your arms upwards. The satisfying sounds of your joints popping gave you a sense of relief as you stretched. Then you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. You smiled as you took in his familiar scent. You reached up to touch his neck as Heeseung pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you for your help, lovely," he mumbled in your hair.

You turned around in his arms and clasped your hands behind his neck, toying with the back of his hair. Lee Heeseung was looking at you with pure love in his eyes and you couldn't be more happy. "I can't believe we're both finally in university," he said, squeezing your waist.

"Hmm yeah, finally out of high school," you hummed. "It's sad that we didn't get into the same university though," you cupped his left cheek, rubbing his cheek lovingly with your thumb.

Heeseung nuzzled into your hand, slowly drawing you closer. "I can always drive to your dorm, it's just a three hour drive from here."

"Or I can drive to you," you replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah if you get your driver's license," he teased.

You rolled your eyes and softly punched him on the chest before pushing yourself away from his embrace. "Listen, not all of us can miraculously pass on their first try okay," you defended yourself but Heeseung just laughed at you.

Although you tried to act like you were mad at his joke, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you sat down on his bed. Currently, the two of you were in Heeseung's dorm. You wanted to help him move in before you had to leave. Heeseung and you were high school sweethearts, the school's loveliest couple. And you've been together ever since then. Today marked a new milestone for the both of you as you had finally graduated from high school and now both of you were accepted into different universities.

The both of you had decided to do what's best for each other and went to different schools. It was for the sake of your future, you didn't want to cause a commotion just because you guys were three hours apart. Plus, it was just three hours. Heeseung could always come visit you and video calls were a thing. You're friends were scared that the both of you wouldn't survive a long distance relationship but you had faith in each other. And that was enough.

Heeseung was lucky to have a room all for himself, whereas you had to share a dorm with two other girls. His room was small but big enough for one person. You knew Heeseung was a simple man, if it had a bed and a table, that would be enough for him. A knock on the door caught your attention, you suddenly remembered that you guys had left the door open when you were moving boxes.

Outside the door stood a pretty girl with long blonde hair. She was really pretty, you noted. She looked so natural as a blonde as well, you couldn't help but thought. The pretty girl sent both of you an awkward smile and waved. You stood up and walked to her, somewhat excited to make a new friend.

"Hi!" You greeted her with a smile, you felt Heeseung behind you.

"Hi," she mirrored your smile. "I'm Hyewon, I'm from the room next door," she pointed out.

"Oh! I'm Heeseung," the taller boy introduced himself. "And this is my girlfriend, Y/N," he smiled at you.

"It's nice to meet you, are you both music majors too?" Hyewon asked. It was common for Hyewon to ask that, considering the university Heeseung applied for is known for their music stream. Heeseung was extremely talented, being blessed with a heavenly voice and all. It was his dream to pursue a music career. Thanks to you, he found the courage to do so,

"Oh no, just him. I don't actually go here," you immediately told her. "I actually go to George University instead."

"Oh! So you're a theatre major then," Hyewon said, surprising you a bit. You nodded in return and Hyewon's smile seemed to grow wider. The university you applied to was quite well known for its theatre arts course. "That's so cool, I'm a theatre major too!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement and you stepped closer to the blonde, eager to learn more about her. But before you could ask her anything, your phone chimed. You gave her an apologetic look before checking your phone. "It's my mom, she's asking when I'll be home. I still have to pack up," you said disappointed. You really wanted to talk more with Hyewon so the both of you could geek out. (And spend a bit more time with Heeseung.) Hyewon looked disappointed too that you couldn't stay longer.

"Let me drive you home," Heeseung started to move to get his keys but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

"Nah, it's fine," you shook your head. "I can take the bus home."

"Then I'll walk you to the bus stop," Heeseung said with determination. He was gonna make use of whatever time he had to spend it with you, even if it was for five seconds.

You realised that there was no way of rejecting him, so you just chuckled and said, "Alright, let me grab my bag then." But Heeseung was already one step ahead of you as he had already gone to get it for you. You sent another smile to Hyewon. "It was really great to meet you, Hyewon. I hope we can talk again soon," you told her.

"Likewise Y/N, have a safe trip home," she bid you goodbye before returning to her room.

Heeseung appeared behind you once again, sneakily slipped his fingers through yours and pulled you out of the room. He locked the door with your bag on his shoulder, he looked like he had the intention of not letting you hold it.

"C'mon," he tugged your hand and you giggled, falling into step with him.

The walk to the bus stop felt quicker than it should be, much to your dismay. The bus stop was empty besides the both of you. As the two of you stood under it, you mindlessly swung your intertwined hands back and forth. Heeseung laughed at your action. He released your hand and you looked up curious on why he did it. Heeseung moved so he was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, effectively back hugging you.

Your lips tugged upward at the position you were and you held onto his arms. Slowly, he started to rock you back and forth. "I'm gonna miss you," he suddenly said.

You couldn't help but let your smile falter. You were gonna miss him too, you're gonna miss him so much. "This is the first time where we'll be so far apart, I think I might die without you," he rubbed his face into your hair as you laughed at his words.

"I'll call you everyday, Hee. I promised," you assured him with a pat on his arm. The taller boy only hummed in reply but you felt him move his arms to your middle so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. You giggled when you felt him peppered small kisses up around your neck.

"I love you," he mumbled before pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

"Love you too," you leaned back into him.

Just in time you saw the bus in the distance, which meant your time with Heeseung was ending. As the bus slowed down in front of you, your boyfriend finally reluctantly let you go from his slip. "I'll see you soon, okay?" you promised him. He nodded and leaned down to give you one more kiss before you entered the bus.

Sitting down, you waved from the window and he gave you a smile. Oh god, you already missed him. Heeseung watched as your bus left the station. You sighed, leaning back into the seat. This was the beginning of a new chapter of your relationship, and you have faith that the both of you will be okay.

"Thank you," you said to the barista as she handed you your coffee. With your free hand, you pushed the front door open. The November breeze welcomed you once you stepped outside, your coffee warming your fingertips. Your phone then started to ring in your pocket. You fished your phone out and a smile crept onto your face when you saw the contact name.

"Hello, love," Heeseung greeted as soon as you picked up. You smiled at him, holding your phone in front of your face.

"Good morning, Hee. I just got my coffee," you showed him your coffee like it was a little trinket. Heeseung laughed at your child-like action. The second semester was almost ending and your relationship was still going strong. The both of you were consistent with the video calls and text messages. You'd be calling him at the end of every day and the two of you would talk about your day till one of you fell asleep. (Spoiler: It was usually you.)

And now your second semester as a couple is ending, the both of you had decided to retreat back to your hometown during the break like you did during your first break. So you could bask in each other's presence and visit some old friends. It was slowly starting to become a tradition and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"So, how was your audition?" Heeseung asked as you walked past a group of band kids, sending them a smile as they waved at you.

At the mention of the audition, your smile turned into a pout. "Rejected, as usual," you sighed. You have auditioned for almost every play in your school but you were always rejected or chosen as a background character if you were lucky. You knew that there were a lot of talented students in your school, but you felt dejected each time.

"Sorry, love. I'm sure you'll have better luck next time," Heeseung told you with a sad smile. "I wish I could hold you right now."

You looked at him with a sad gaze, "Me too, Hee." You couldn't lie that long distance relationships were hard, everyday was spent through a screen and you yearned to be next with him physically. During the first few weeks, you told yourself that you would get used to it after a while. Spoiler alert, you still haven't gotten used to it. "But enough of that!" You said, waving away the depressed aura and taking a long sip from your coffee before letting out a sigh. "Our break is coming up and I can't wait to see you."

At the mention of the break, you noticed how Heeseung visibly flinched. His eyes suddenly weren't looking at you anymore, averting his gaze to the side instead. "We are going to be seeing each other, right?" You inquired. But you were met with silence, you stopped in your tracks when Heeseung didn't say anything. "Hee?"

"Actually, Y/N," he started to say and you felt your heart sink already. He didn't call you "love". Some may say you were being dramatic, but Heeseung only used your name whenever something was serious. You're not going to be able to see him during break, your mind told you. You knew it was the most possible outcome, but you hoped that you were wrong.

"I'm not going back during break."

And there it was, what possibly could have been the worse news for you. "Oh," was all you could say, your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic cup before you plastered on a fake smile. "Well, there's always next semester," you assured him, but it felt more like you were reassuring yourself. This was going to be your first winter break without Heeseung.

Heeseung smiled at your reply, a twinge of sadness in him but he brushed it off. "The reason is cause a senior from the film department asked me for help," he explained. "You see, there's a music video competition and he asked me if I could write a song for it."

Your eyes lit up in excitement. "No way! So they're gonna shoot a music video for your song?"

Heeseung nodded with a big smile. "Yup! It's such a big project, like they're bringing in some of the theatre kids as the actors and we're gonna start filming, like next month."

"I'm so happy for you, love," you told him truthfully. Internally, you were scolding yourself for feeling sad that he wouldn't be free during the break when he has something big going on in his life. Stop being so selfish, your mind scolded. Of course you felt a bit blue but this was a big opportunity for Heeseung, imagine if they won the competition. He would finally get some recognition for his music. And the fact that the senior chose him to write the song meant that people were already starting to appreciate his songs and his voice. You were being selfish, like a child.

As Heeseung continued to tell you about the project, you resumed your walk back to your dorms. You listened to him intensively, capturing every small detail in your heart. It was rare for you to see him speak so passionate. Music was his passion, his safe place. You knew that and you wanted him to live a life where he could make his dream a reality. A singer on the bright stage with thousands, no, millions of fans to appreciate his vocals.

You managed to reach your dorm just as Heeseung was being called for off screen. A feminine voice was calling from him and you easily recognised it. "Is that Hyewon?" You asked.

A few seconds passed and a familiar looking pretty blonde came into view. "Y/N? Y/N, hi!" The blonde waved at you enthusiastically, Heeseung was slowly being pushed out of the frame. You could tell he was scooting over to make space for Hyewon. An uneasy feeling slowly sprouted in you when you saw how Hyewon and Heeseung were sitting too close, but you shoved it down when the blonde girl grinned at you.

"Y/N!"

"Hyewon!" You responded with the same enthusiasm, which made the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing your time but Chan is looking for you," she apologised, the last part directed to your boyfriend.

"Ah, it's okay, I understand," you said.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you," Heeseung said once Hyewon was out of frame.

"Love you too," you replied and your phone screen turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. You were frowning. With a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your phone pocket to unlock your front door. Your coffee was now cold in your hands and the uneasy feeling from before was slowly creeping back in. You did not like it one bit.

Chaeryeong and Ryujin thought you were being dramatic, they were right in a way. But you were too busy missing Heeseung to be bothered. You missed his warmth, his voice, the way his hands perfectly fit yours when he held them. you missed the way you laid your head on his chest when he sat behind you, you could always hear his steady heartbeat. It always lulled you to sleep in seconds.

You let out a long and loud sigh as you flipped onto your back on your childhood bed. You had returned to your hometown one week ago, which also meant another week without Heeseung. Your best friend and roommate, Chaeryeong, was the one who drove you both home. The last time you saw her was when she dropped you off at your parents home. And you've been dwelling in your Heeseung-less days ever since.

Reaching over to retrieve your phone, you moved to open your chat with Heeseung. The last text message from him was from this morning. It was just a simple "good morning" text, and you replied with the same message except you added a heart emoticon at the end. And the message was on delivered. Not even on read. You don't know which one was worse.

Your phone suddenly dinged and you immediately sat up straight, thinking it was Heeseung. But your shoulders sagged in disappointment when you saw it was just a message from Jeongin. If Ryujin had seen you right now, the short hair girl would have called you a "lovesick fool". She was right, of course but still.

[2:42 pm] jeongin: guess what

[2:44 pm] chenle: what

[2:44 pm] jeongin: guess

[2:45 pm] chenle: no

[2:45 pm] chenle: just tell us

[2:46 pm] jeongin: g u e s s

[2:46 pm] chenle: n o

[2:46 pm] jeongin: guess goddammit

[2:48 pm] ryujin: jeongin i stg

[2:48 pm] ryujin: i will break ur kneecaps just tell us

[2:49 pm] jeongin: ugh fine theres a amusement park and i wanna go

[2:50 pm] chenle: its winter

[2:50 pm] jeongin: yeah and

[2:50 pm] jeongin: is there snow? no

[2:51 pm] jeongin: so therefore, amusement park

[2:51 pm] ryujin: i-

[2:52 pm] chaeryeong: where is it

[2:52 pm] jeongin: its like a 2 hours away from here

[2:54 pm] ryujin: and who tf would be driving us genius

[2:55 pm] jeongin: y/n bc she loves us

[2:56 pm] y/n: since when

[2:56 pm] chaeryeong: and shes alive, great job jeongin

[2:57 pm] chaeryeong: u pulled her out from her depression

i[2:58 pm] y/n: hey im not depressed >:(

[2:59 pm] ryujin: hm sure

[2:59 pm] y/n: >:(

[3:00 pm] y/n: also i dont have my drivers license yet dumbass

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ah right i also forgot y/n cant drive

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ryujin it is

[3:02 pm] ryujin: whAT I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS

[3:03 pm] chaeryeong: lets meet up at jeongin's place then

[3:03 pm] chenle: cool with me

[3:05 pm] ryujin: HEY DONT IGNORE ME

[3:04 pm] y/n: sure!

You stifled a laugh as you read Ryujin's message. Then, you switched to check your chat between Heeseung and you. It was still on delivered. Maybe he's just busy with filming and recording. Yeah, he's probably busy. Stop being so selfish, Y/N.

Yang Jeongin just had to choose the coldest day of the year to go to the amusement park, didn't he. You silently thanked yourself for dressing up in an extra layer, unlike Chenle who looked like he was about to die from frostbite. Whereas Jeongin had a huge grin plastered on his face as he looked at the Ferris Wheel ahead. You rubbed your hands together, bringing it to your mouth to blow hot air at it. You heard the car door slam shut behind you and Ryujin walked next to you.

Families lined up at the ticket booth, laughter and chatter filled the atmosphere. You spot some couples around the area as well, the sight of them tugged at your heartstrings. You wished Heeseung was here with you, he would've wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel with you.

Chaeryeong linked arms with you and Ryujin, leading the two of you to the entrance. The boys already beat you guys to it, you realised. Once Chenle handed you your ticket, you were immediately dragged to the first ride that caught Jeongin's eye.

After a couple of hours, you found yourself resting on the bench with a cup of hot chocolate at your side. Your social battery was empty and you didn't know where the rest of your friends had gone. Ryujin may have mentioned going to the restroom, you're not sure, you were too tired to keep up. So here you were, on the bench next to the Teacups Ride.

You watched as the visitors walked past you. Some were students with their friends laughing as if it was their last day on earth, children giggling as their parents lifted them up in the air and couples sharing a loving look. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether you wanted to text Heeseung or not.

The both of you had called each other last night. You couldn't see him but his voice sounded tired. You felt bad for calling him. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't. You picked up your hot chocolate, the warmth spreading through your fingers as you blew on it. Your body relaxed once you took a sip, enjoying as the warmth spread through your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a very familiar looking coat.

You saw a couple walking together, he was wearing a coat that looked identical to the one you gifted Heeseung last year during Christmas. It was almost as if that was Heeseung, well his back kinda looked like his and Heeseung was about that height as well. But it couldn't be him, his school was almost three hours away from here. Plus the girl beside him was blonde, she kinda looked like Hyewon.

What are the odds of those two being here, you laughed. But when those two stopped in their tracks to look at the Ferris Wheel, your entire body froze right there and then. That was Heeseung and Hyewon together. What were they doing here?

Your body reacted immediately by standing up. Heart beating rapidly, you were about to walk towards them when you saw Heeseung laughing at something the blonde said. A gnawing feeling grew in you, he was laughing with her. He was at the amusement park with her. Not you. Her.

And he never mentioned anything about going to the amusement park, let alone the same one you were going to. Your feet stayed glued to the ground as you watched them get into one of the carts. Why was he here? Why didn't he tell you? Why was he with her? Why? Why? Why?

You saw Hyewon stopped from getting into the cart and she stretched her hand out while she looked up in the sky, Heeseung following her. It was snowing. It was the first snow. And Heeseung spent it with Hyewon, while you watched from the sidelines. They looked like an actual couple. Snow started to fall, your hot chocolate was losing its warmth and jealousy filled up instead. The noise drilled out of your ear so all you heard was a low buzz, your gaze burning on the two. You didn't notice Ryujin walking towards you.

"Jesus, the line was so long that I-" Ryujin stopped mid sentence, her eyes following the direction of your gaze. "Y/N?"

You walked past her without saying anything, chucking the drink into a trashcan.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you paced around your room. You knew your eyes weren't wrong. It was Heeseung and Hyewon at the amusement park, you could tell it was him from a mile away. After that incident, you went to find your friends and told them you wanted to go home because you weren't feeling well. It was partially a lie anyway, you didn't feel comfortable. You don't know what you would do if you had stumbled upon them.

Thousands of questions echoed through your mind. And you couldn't bear to ask Heeseung. You knew you had questions but you didn't know what to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you with Hyewon? Why wouldn't you tell me?

Your phone suddenly rang, causing you to jolt in surprise. The phone screen lit up with his name in bold. He was calling you. Without thinking, you accepted the call.

"Hey, love," Heeseung's smooth voice greeted you.

"Hey," you replied, making sure your tone was steady. You were silently grateful that it wasn't a video-call so he couldn't see the nervousness in your eyes.

"How was the amusement park?" He asked.

You bit your thumb, hesitant to answer. Should you tell him that you saw him today? "It was fun, a lot of people thought," you hummed, moving over to sit on your bed.

"You know, funny story. Today we actually went to an amusement park too," he suddenly said and you froze on the spot. "They decided to film there so we went there in the afternoon, it started snowing too!"

You felt a weight was lifted from your heart. So it was just a pure coincidence. Heeseung never planned to go to the amusement park, he just went with what they said. "It would've been funny if we bumped into each other, don't you think, love?" He laughed but you couldn't find the energy to laugh along.

"Yeah," you mumbled, leaning back into your pillows. He was there to film for the music video. He's busy with the music video. It's always for the music video. You trust Heeseung, don't you?

Winter break went by like the cold breeze and now cherry pink flowers occupied the empty branches. Flowers were blooming from the left and right, the cold winter was now in the past and you welcomed (the still cold) spring into your arms. Which meant you left whatever uneasy feeling and doubts in the past.

You were currently in Heeseung's dorm. Today was a big day, it's the day where they were gonna upload the music video and Heeseung wanted you to be there to watch it with him. Heeseung picked you up from the bus stop and then took you out for lunch. Thankfully it was the weekend so you could stay for the night.

Heeseung was at his desk, his thumbs typing away as he laughed silently at his phone. You wondered who he was texting. Maybe he's texting Hyewon, your mind taunted. You shook your head to drive the thoughts away, you were not going to be paranoid. You already left the bitter feelings in winter, you agreed with yourself that you'll leave it behind. You trust Heeseung.

"Who are you texting?" Yet the question slipped out of you either way.

"Huh?" Heeseung looked up, like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, uh no one," he quickly said, turning off his phone and placing it on his desk. "I think the music video is uploaded," he added before you could question him more.

He moved to his bed, where you were sitting. You scooted over to make space for him as he sat next to you with his laptop propped on his lap. He clicked into his senior's channel, Jeong Yunho, you took note. And there it was, the music video, uploaded forty five seconds ago. You let out an excited noise once you saw it.

"Not for sale," you read the title out loud. Heeseung had a proud look on.

The music video started off with a frame of Heeseung and Hyewon facing each other, then he handed her a note with the words "Not For Sale" on it. The camera then panned out to film the sky where the title appeared again in bold, and the song started to play. The song had a bubbly beat to it and Heeseung's angelic voice accompanied it. The music video was filled with pastels and some scenes were filmed at the amusement park. Specifically, at the carousel. There weren't any scenes of the Ferris Wheel though, you noted.

The video ended with Heeseung and Hyewon holding hands as they face the sunset, while the camera slowly zooms away from them and into the sky. The last scene was a black screen with all the credits listed out. When you saw Heeseung's name being credited for writing the song, you felt a sense of pride inside of you. Your boyfriend wrote this song, of course you're going to be proud.

Once the video ended, you threw your arms around Heeseung. Heeseung laughed as he wrapped an arm around your middle and the other holding onto his laptop. You planted a big fat kiss on his cheek and he tightened his hold on you.

"The song was so good, Hee! I'm so proud of you, babe," you complimented him, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair while the other cupped his cheek.

Heeseung smiled and leaned into your touch. "Thank you so much, lovely. This song means a lot to me," he kissed your nose. "I actually thought of you when I wrote this song," he confessed.

You blinked at him, your heart beating faster as you processed his words. You were kneeling on his bed as he looked up at you, pink dusted on his cheeks. Instead of saying anything, you threw yourself onto him, tightly wrapping your arms around his torso to buried your head in his neck. Heeseung let out an "oof" when you knocked him back onto his bed, his laptop on the edge of his bed.

"I love you," you mumbled.

"I love you, too," he said. His hand reached up to stroke your head as the both of you laid there in each other's embrace.

A few minutes passed and Heeseung tapped on your head to get your attention. "Hm?" you hummed in reply.

"I need to go pee, love."

"No," you said stubbornly, tightening your arms around him.

"Please, love. I'll be back fast, I promise," Heeseung told you, looking down on you.

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his chest as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Hng, fine," you pouted before you rolled off him.

"Thank you, lovely," he pecked your lips before pushing himself off his bed, not before moving his laptop to his desk.

You watched as Heeseung left his dorm to go to the restroom. You stretched your arms upwards, making grabby hands in the air before sitting up. You reached over to his desk, which was next to the bed, to get your phone when you saw Heeseung's phone lit up. You knew you shouldn't have looked but when her name was in bold white, you couldn't look away.

[4:47 pm] hyewon: can't wait to do it again hee!

"Can't wait to do it again?" You read the message out loud. Can't wait to do what again? And since when did Hyewon called him "Hee"? That was your nickname for him. The bitter feelings from winter crept back into you like the cold seeping in through the crack of your window. Why did you feel so uneasy whenever Hyewon was alone with Heeseung? Was there something going on?

No, they're just friends, Y/N, you reminded yourself. Just friends.

The door opened and your eyes snapped up to see Heeseung returning from the restroom. Suddenly, you wanted to get out of here. You don't know why, but that text message from her just rubbed you the wrong way and you wanted to get out of there before you say something you regret.

"Ryujin just texted me that she needs my help," you lied. You stood up to grab your coat and bag from the chair.

"Woah, woah, what's with the hurry?" Heeseung took a hold of your wrist as he looked at you. But your eyes didn't meet his.

"Ryujin has an emergency, she needs my help," you said again, this time firmly.

"Oh," his grip on you loosened and you pulled your hand back to you. "I'll drive you back-"

"No, it's fine," you cut him off. "I-I'll take the bus home. I'll call you tonight," the words rushed out of your lips and soon enough you were out of his door.

You did not call him that night.

You ignored Ryujin's questions when you reached your dorm, she didn't press on. Now it was Sunday morning and Ryujin had left for breakfast. You felt bad for leaving Heeseung like that and ignoring Ryujin when she just wanted to help you. And you knew you should've talked it out instead of walking out. Sighing, you curled deeper into your blanket.

After a few minutes, you threw your covers off and sat up. Maybe some warm breakfast would make you feel better. So you went down to the cafeteria to see your friends all huddled up at the corner.

"Y/N, just in time!" Jeongin called out. Curious, you walked towards them and saw that they were watching Heeseung's music video.

"The song is so sweet," Chaeryeong cooed, leaning onto you.

You let out an awkward laugh, not quite sure what to feel because of the act you pulled yesterday.

"It has almost two thousand views. I bet you must feel so proud, huh," Chaeryeong said.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded. Now you feel even more bad, Heeseung wrote this song for you and you should've stayed at his dorm to celebrate with him. Instead, you left because you saw one text message without context. You were being a bad girlfriend, you should apologise to him.

"Who's the other girl? She's really pretty," Jeongin suddenly asked.

"Ah, that's Hyewon. She's his neighbour," you explained.

"Hyewon? As in Kang Hyewon?" Daehwii suddenly said. He was passing by when he heard you say her name and pulled a chair across Jeongin. You nodded. "Oh, I know her," he casually said.

You tilted your head to the side. "You do?" Jeongin leaned forward. You heard Ryujin mumble "simp" under her breath, and you bit back a laugh.

"Mhmm," Daehwii nodded and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he showed his phone screen and it was Hyewon's Instagram. "I went to the same high school with her, she was really popular. All the teachers said she had the face of an actress. There was a rumour that she even got scouted by an entertainment company."

Ryujin reached over to grab his phone to scroll through her account. "Woah, she has like two hundred thousand followers," she said in amazement. You leaned closer to Ryujin to check, Hyewon sure was popular.

"Yeah, she's a free-lance model and I think she models for smaller brands," Daehwii added.

You couldn't help but feel very small next to her. She was beautiful and she had somewhat of a reputation in the entertainment industry, a rising model. Imagine what kind of connections she could get for Heeseung…

"I bet Heeseung wrote this song for you," Ryujin suddenly said, smoothly switching the topic back to the song.

You felt your cheeks to warm up at her words. Sheepishly, you nodded. Your friends immediately reacted with a chorus of "ooh"s and Chaeryeong playfully nudged your shoulder. "Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have," Jeongin quoted and the rest of you fell into laughter.

After breakfast, you and Ryujin strolled back to your rooms with your arms linked together. She was telling you about what happened when you weren't here yesterday. "And then he said and I quote "sometimes bullying is okay" just as a family was walking by, the mom was literally glaring at us," you laughed as she told you. "And then- oh," she stopped, and you stopped as well. She was looking ahead of you so you followed her gaze.

"Heeseung?" His name left your lips before you could even process the whole situation.

Heeseung waved awkwardly at you, internally wincing when you used his full name. You and Ryujin exchanged a look before Ryujin pushed you towards him. You stumbled right into his arms but you took a step out of his arms, you rubbed your forearms instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him.

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to surprise you since you left early yesterday. I hope you were able to solve Ryujin's problem."

At the mention of Ryujin's "emergency", you stiffened because you didn't mention that you had used her in a lie. You could feel her eyes on you and mentally hope that she got the message.

"Uh, yeah. It was solved," Ryujin replied with an awkward chuckle. "Actually, I forgot I had to meet up with Chaeryeong so it was great seeing you, Heeseung." You turned around and mouthed a "thank you" at her and she gave you a look as if to say "we are going to talk about this later".

And then the two of you were left alone in the empty hallway. Was it always this awkward?

Heeseung stood awkwardly in your room. This was the first time he looked so out of place. Usually, you were the one at his dorm. He doesn't come over to yours that often since he was more busy than you. So it truly was a surprise when you saw him outside your door.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked.

You hummed in reply. "I'm doing fine," as you sat down on your bed.

"Great! That's great," he coughed while he played with his fingers.

And then the awkward silence returns. You knew it was your fault for walking out yesterday, you probably made him think he did something wrong. When really it was just you refusing to communicate. You gripped your sheets, your mind running laps on what to say. But he beat you to it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Your eyes snapped up to finally meet his eyes, he was looking at you with brown innocent eyes. Your heart broke a bit at the sight. "It's not you," you assured him. "It's…it's just me," you told him truthfully.

Heeseung looked at you with confusion, he didn't understand what was wrong. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. So instead, he slowly moved to sit next to you. When you did not move away, he took it as a sign of permission. So he took your hands into his, slowly rubbing circles on top of your hand.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Love, what are you even sorry about?" He softly asked.

"I saw you at the amusement park that day," you confessed.

Heeseung's fingers stopped moving. "Oh," was all he could say. You bit the inside of your cheek, the atmosphere shifted but you can't read him at all.

"I'm sorry," you whispered again because you didn't know what to say. "Ever since that day, I've been feeling weird whenever I see you with Hyewon and I don't like it."

"Love," he softly cupped your cheek to make you look at him, "are you perhaps jealous?" he asked with a teasing tone. You shifted your gaze to the side, you were jealous but you were reluctant to admit it. But your avoiding eyes already sold you out. Heeseung chuckled and brought you into his embrace. "There's nothing to be jealous of. Hyewon and I are just friends," he assured you.

His voice was genuine when he told you and you felt a sense of relief hearing him say those words. You fell forward to hug him and Heeseung immediately accepted you. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and sighed. "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay."

Heeseung was right, honesty was the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, Heeseung has been nothing but truthful to you since the start, and you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your insecurities instead of talking it out. This reminded you of when Heeseung once shut you out because he didn't want to burden you.

He hid his passion for music from you because he thought you would react like his parents, against him. He refused to tell you the truth which left you confused and hurt. Did I do something wrong? The question was constantly in your head. It wasn't until you forced it out of him, and it was the first time you saw his composed figure break down in tears. You embraced him and assured him with comforting words, you loved him at his worst.

And you told him the exact same words: "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

Exam season was the most painful time of your life. Everyday was the same routine: wake up, eat, study, sleep and repeat. You're starting to spend more time in the library than in the comfort of the dorm. Heeseung was just as busy as you, the both of you rarely have enough time to check up on each other. But you tried and so did he.

You plucked out your earphones and let it fall into your lap as you stretched your arms upwards. Chaeryeong and Ryujin were scattered around your shared room, with the latter laying face down on her bed. The three of you had spent your entire morning studying for your own examinations. You had sent Heeseung a quick good morning text before telling him that your phone will be on silent mode until you were done.

That was six hours ago. You pushed your laptop away from you as you reached over for your phone. You smiled when you saw your first notification was from your boyfriend.

[8:15 am] hee <3: okay remember to stay hydrated love! and take some breaks in between!!!

"Look at her, smiling all lovey dovey and shit," Ryujin sneered at you in disgust as she lifted herself onto her elbows.

You stuck your tongue out at her before typing a reply.

[3:52 pm] y/n: guess who's done studying??

While waiting for his reply, you decided to scroll through Instagram. Tapping through people's stories, you stumbled upon Hyewon's one. (She had followed you a few weeks ago.) Your thumb pressed down on your phone screen as your breath hitched. It was a photo of Heeseung, it looked like he was in the library and he was reading a book. The words "with mr. hardworking" positioned above his head. You tapped through to the next slide and it was a candid of Heeseung looking up at her with a smile, his hand outreached to grab her phone. This time the words "oops, got caught" were written on the side. You checked and saw it was posted ten minutes okay.

You frowned at the two photos. You knew Heeseung said they were just friends, but you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling away. Your mind was telling you that they weren't but your heart was with Heeseung.

"Who's that?" Chaeryeong suddenly asked.

You jump, startled. Since when was she behind you? Chaeryeong ignored your expression and leaned towards your phone. "Isn't that Heeseung? Who's he with?" She asked.

"Hyewon," you answered.

Ryujin crawled over to plop down next to you, her curious eyes peering up at your phone. "The same girl we saw at the amusement park?" The short-haired girl asked.

You looked down at her, shocked. You never told her about what you saw last winter. Ryujin understood your expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dumb, Y/N," she said.

Chaeryeong looked between the two of you with confusion. "Did something happen when we were at the amusement park?"

"Y/N saw Heeseung and Hyewon getting on the Ferris Wheel together."

"Ryujin!"

"What?" She shrugged at you. "We did see them there and it was the reason you were upset," she stated with her arms crossed, now sitting crossed legged next to you.

Chaeryeong gasped beside you and placed her hands in front of her mouth. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Chaeryeong!" Ryujin hissed at the other girl. "Heeseung isn't the kind to do that," she defended him despite what she said before, "right, Y/N?" Ryujin nudged your elbow.

You opened your mouth to defend your boyfriend but no words were said. You bit your lips, Heeseung wouldn't be the kind to cheat, right? Then why were you hesitating? You wanted to agree with Ryujin and say that Heeseung would never cheat on you. So why were you doubting him?

"I'm just saying, long distance relationships never work out. Like Yeji and Soobin, they broke up like six months later," Chaeryeong shrugged innocently and leaned back on her hands as she spoke.

"But that was different, Yeji never really liked him anyways!" Ryujin countered.

"Vivi and Haseul! Everyone thought they were gonna last but they broke up the moment Vivi went home, and they were together for four years. Four years, Ryujin!" The younger girl exclaimed. "Point is, long distance relationships rarely work out."

Before Ryujin could retort, your phone lit up and all three of you looked down. It was a notification from Heeseung.

[4:01 pm] hee <3: hey sorry i was with taehyun

The three of you blinked at the message, Ryujin and Chaeryeong exchanged a look. While you just stared at the notification, refusing to tap into the chat. Did Heeseung just lie to you?

Something shifted in your relationship, you could tell. Calls with Heeseung were now cut short and text messages got short. At first, you blamed it on the upcoming exams and you told yourself that Heeseung was equally busy as you. Sometimes you were too tired to send a text because all you wanted was to sleep but when you tried to give him a call, he always brushed you off with a "I'm busy" text.

Text messages now never got past the "how was your day" before he said that he was going to sleep. Ever since that day with Ryujin and Chaeryeong, you turned a blind eye to the text message. Maybe he really was with Taehyun, you wouldn't actually know.

But that's the thing, isn't it? You would never know what really happens because you're not there with him, your mind taunted you. You shook away the thoughts and tried to be positive. Exams had ended a few days ago and Chaeryeong suggested that you should surprise him with a visit.

So here you were, on the bus to Heeseung's university. You could barely contain your smile, it's been so long since you last saw him and you just missed him so much. You could imagine how happy he would be to see you. An hour later, the bus came to a stop and you thanked the bus driver before boarding off.

Tightening your coat around you, you looked at the road ahead of you with a determined look. You were gonna surprise Heeseung today. And nothing was going to stop you from doing so. You reached the entrance of the school and sent a friendly smile to the security guards.

You made your way towards Heeseung's dorm, your feet have walked this path multiple times. You were familiar with these hallways. Soon enough you reached his door, you patted your clothes and fixed your hair before raising your fist. Your hand hovered in front of the wooden door, Heeseung was one door away from you. Knocking precisely three times on the door, you took a step back and clasped your hands behind you. You couldn't wait to see his smile when he sees you.

"Surprise!" You said, doing jazz hands the moment the door opened.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Heeseung asked you.

You blinked, slightly lowering your hands. Heeseung wasn't smiling at you like you thought he would be, instead he was looking down on you with furrowed eyebrows. His hair was dishevelled, like he ran his fingers through it multiple times and he wasn't opening the door fully, like he was blocking something.

"I was going to surprise you, since exams are over and all-"

"Why didn't you text me beforehand?" He cut you off.

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, annoyed that he was questioning you instead of being happy to see you. "Because it was a surprise, Hee, that's the whole point. I wasn't supposed to tell you, surprises don't work like that."

Heeseung opened his mouth but cut himself off with a sigh, he turned his head around to look inside then back at you. "I didn't mean it that way, I just wished you would've told me before," he repeated with a softer tone this time.

You frowned and dropped your arms, you shouldn't have listened to Chaeryeong. Maybe you should leave, the next bus would be in two hours. Heeseung was still leaning against his door, you couldn't see past him. "Whatever, I'll leave then," you mumbled and waved him off, turning on your heel to walk away.

"Y/N! Wait!" Heeseung called after you but you ignored his calls and just continued forward. The taller boy caught up with you and grabbed your wrist.

You tried to shake him off but his hold on you was strong. "Let me go," you said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're mad," he said.

"Of course, I am! I wanted to surprise my boyfriend after not seeing him for weeks but he doesn't even look happy to see me!" You sneered at him, still trying to shake his hand off your wrist.

Heeseung's hands moved to hold your shoulders instead to keep you in place, forcing you to look at him. "Hey, I didn't say I wasn't happy to see you. I am happy to see you, okay? It's just that today's a busy day, love," he explained to you softly.

You stopped squirming and sighed. "Sorry, I just…I just really missed you okay," you told him. You overreacted and got mad at him without letting him explain himself. "Sorry," you said again.

Heeseung smiled warmly at you and pulled you into a hug. "It's okay, love," he planted a kiss on top of your head. You rested your chin on his shoulder and returned the hug.

Then, you watched as a certain blonde walked out of Heeseung's room. Hyewon stepped out of his room and waved at you with a smile. Was Heeseung hiding her? You slightly pushed Heeseung away and he took a step back in confusion. He turned around to see Hyewon and then back at you.

"Hyewon and I were working on a project," he quickly explained.

"Yeah," the other girl nodded in agreement. "If I had known you were coming today, I wouldn't have bothered Heeseung," she said.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for interrupting the two of you," you apologised, slightly ducking your head. You're not sure if you meant the apology. Should you be sorry that you interrupted them? But Heeseung was your boyfriend.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Hyewon smiled at the both of you before walking away.

You watched as Heeseung smiled at her and how his eyes followed her figure until she disappeared down the stairs. You bit your lower lip and clenched your fist together, feeling uneasy in your chest once again. Your hand reached to tug on his sleeve and he finally looked at you, like he forgot you were there in the first place.

He moved to hold your hand and lead you into his room, not before smiling softly at you. Instead of the usual feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever he smiled at you, there was a sinking feeling. Because he smiled at Hyewon the same way. Your lips raised a small smile for him but it didn't reach your eyes. He doesn't seem to notice.

The door closed behind the two of you and you swung your arms before clasping your hands behind you. "So, what was Hyewon doing here?" You tried to ask naturally.

Heeseung wasn't looking at you when he replied, "She was here for a project," he hummed.

"What project?" You continued to ask more.

"For school," he simply replied, taking a seat on his bed.

You leaned against his desk while nodding your head. "Ah, so you're helping her?"

"Uh huh."

"Ah, didn't know you guys were this close…"

"Well, we are neighbours so it's just natural that we grew close, you know," he shrugged.

"Close enough to get on the Ferris Wheel with," you muttered under your breath. You thought Heeseung wasn't able to pick up what you said but his eyes snapped to look at you. You gulped, knowing you were caught.

"Love, I already said that we were there for the music video shooting," he told you with a tired sigh.

"I know, I know but I can't help feeling jealous, Hee," you explained yourself.

Your boyfriend sighed exasperatedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I already told you that we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, you would be jealous too if your boyfriend didn't mention that he was going to the amusement park with you and you found him hanging with another girl!" You scoffed sarcastically.

"I already told you it wasn't planned, Y/N. Why don't you trust me?" His voice was slightly raised when he spoke the last sentence, his expression was begging you to drop the topic.

But your stubborn self refused to let it go and stood up straighter. "Because you're making it really hard to trust you."

"What?" He looked at you in disbelief as he stood up as well. "How am I the one being hard right now? You're just being paranoid and you're letting your insecurities get the better of you!"

"Can you blame me?!" You raised your voice at him. Anger clouded your eyes as you begged him to understand your point of view. "We're so far apart and we rarely get to talk to each other and you're always brushing me off! It's almost like you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung groaned in frustration and dragged his fingers across his face. "How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends, Y/N? Hyewon literally has nothing to do with this! I don't get why you hate her."

"Cause you talk to her while we're together," you knew that sounded childish and selfish but you were blurting whatever that came to mind.

"Oh, so now I'm not allowed to talk to other girls?" He curled an eyebrow at you while crossing his arms.

Your words were caught in your throat. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what do you mean, Y/N? You never acted like this before," Heeseung rubbed his temples.

"Because!" You threw your hands out in frustration, trying to convey your words out, "I don't know what's happening in your life because we're not in the same school and I'm scared that you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung knitted his eyebrows at you, you don't know if it was from confusion or annoyance, maybe both. "Cheating? No, you just don't trust me! Never once did I doubt your relationship with Jeongin, so why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't bring Jeongin into this," you sneered at him, "you knew Jeongin since we were in high school. Hyewon is a completely different story. You…you look at her like…you're in love," your voice slowly died at the end, it was the final hit on the nail. You looked up at Heeseung, his eyes widened at your words.

They said the eyes are the window to your soul. Brown guilty eyes just stared at you, because you were right. Heeseung couldn't figure out his feelings and you just did it for him. Your boyfriend was falling out of love with you and he was falling for someone new. And you watched as he realised it right in front of you. You swore you heard your heart crack.

He held his head and took a step back from you, silence fell upon the both of you. "I-I think you should go," he managed to say.

"Yeah," you croaked out, your throat was swelling up. You walked past Heeseung in hurried steps and out the door to the stairs. You never saw how Heeseung dropped to his bed with his head in his head as guilty tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

God, you wished he had thought this through before you went and fell in love with him.

You haven't talked to Heeseung since that day, you knew that your relationship was over but your heart refused to believe it until those words came from Heeseung himself. A dark cloud hung over you and your friends didn't dare to ask. You felt betrayed by him.

You loved him at his worst, but that didn't matter. He gave you his word, but that didn't matter too. You were bitter, angry, devastated, heartbroken. But you couldn't cry, your heart was full of tears yet nothing came out. A single piece of tape holding back your fragile heart. A small sign of hope that you were wrong and Heeseung still loved you.

In the middle of a cold winter day, you were nestled between your warm sheets. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had left for lunch, not before promising to get you something. In the midst of your dark covers, your phone screen lit up and caught your attention.

[2:23 pm ] hee <3: We need to talk, I'm outside your door right now.

What? Your head snapped up to look at your front door. There's no way he was standing outside right now. Gulping, you pushed yourself up and walked to the door. Your hand hesitated, hovering right in front of the silver door knob. You already knew what was coming. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

The same brown guilty eyes looked at you, and the little white lies from before all came crashing down at once. You stepped to the side to let him in and closed the door. Your back was facing him, you refused to look at him. Your hope was wavering, you don't know if you accepted it or not.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to break the silence. you still refused to turn around. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lies, lies, lies. You shut your eyes closed, your hand was still on the door knob, holding it tightly.

He inhaled a deep breath before saying his next words, "This is the end."

The words pierced your heart and it started to fall apart. This doesn't feel like a break up, it was the end of your story. It was him telling you that he was removing himself from your life. Falling out of love hurts, but losing a friend is the worst.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" You finally turned around, your glossy eyes looking right at him.

Without a heartbeat, he said, "No."

And when you were alone again in your room, your heart finally shattered and the tears poured out like a waterfall. You fell to your knees with your hands clutching your heart, ugly sobs escaped from your lips. You were crying out the pain as big fat tears dropped onto the wooden floor,

Chaeryeong and Ryujin nearly dropped the food when they found you broken on the tear stained floor.

Two weeks later (after being forced to get out of bed by Ryujin), you found your friends huddled at the same place of the cafeteria like when the music video was released. They were surrounding Daehwii with their heads ducked, whispering to each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ryujin's voice caught their attention and their heads lifted to see the both of you, eyes widening at the sight of you.

Everyone exchanged nervous glances whereas you and Ryujin were left confused. You tilted your head to the sign to show that you were confused while Ryujin raised an eyebrow as if demanding an explanation. Chaeryeong shoved Daehwii's shoulder and gave him a look, silently telling him to break the news.

Daehwii nervously looked between you and his phone before sighing, his shoulders dropping. Instead of saying anything, he showed you his phone. Ryujin reached over to take the device from him before you could see anything and squinted her eyes. The short haired girl inhaled a sharp breath and looked at your friends, finally understanding what was happening. She then looked at you, deciding whether she should tell you or not.

"What?" You asked her, your eyebrows furrowed as your patience was running thin. What were they not telling you?

But instead of telling you, she showed you. The phone screen displayed an Instagram post with a person holding hands with someone else. The caption was a simple "with him". At first you were confused on what it had to do with you, then Ryujin tapped on the post to show you the person tagged in the post. Heeseung's username appeared, your eyes travelled up to the owner of the post and it read Hyewon's name.

"Oh," was all you could say.

Your gaze averted down and you don't see how your friends exchange worried glances. "Y/N..." Chaeryeong softly called out to you while she walked towards you. She angled her head to look at your face with her arms around you.

Your mind was a mess, it took him two weeks to find someone new. No, not someone new. It took him two weeks to go off and date her. He talked to her when you were together. And you knew if he truly loved you, there was no damn way he could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ryujin and Chaeryeong embraced you but you felt numb. He betrayed you. And you knew that he'll never feel sorry for the way you hurt.

"He cheated on you," you heard Jeongin say, but you shook your head as you tried to rub the tears away.

"Guess he didn't cheat but he's still a traitor," Jeongin rephrased.

The girls hugged you tighter when you let out a choked sob. Jeongin was right, he didn't cheat but he was a traitor. You played dumb but you always knew that he'd talk to her, maybe did even worse but you kept quiet so you could keep him.

God you wished that he had thought it through, before you went and fell in love with him.

a/n: this took so long to write and i wrote more than i expected. thank you for waiting and reading this, see y'all in "drivers license"!

#chaeryybomb; the sour series #enhypen #lee heeseung #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung imagines #lee heeseung x reader #heeseung #heeseung imagines #heeseung x reader #enhypen angst #lee heeseung angst #heeseung angst #kpop imagines #enhypen scenarios #lee heeseung scenarios #heeseung scenarios

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ptergwen · 3 years

Text

love is more than a word

w/c: a very ouch 3.6k

warnings: so so so much angst and an unhealthy (ish) relationship

summary: after nearly four years together, peter has stopped trying

a/n: listen y’all i don’t know what came over me when i made this but i think it’s the saddest thing i’ve ever written? uh try to enjoy tho

you never thought this would happen, but you’re getting tired of peter. it isn’t your fault. that cliche it’s not you, it’s me line doesn’t apply here.

at first, you actually did find yourself believing the it’s me part. you’d came to the conclusion that you expect too much from peter. he goes to class, he works, patrols, sometimes parties, takes you out when he can. he’s got a lot going on for a full time college student, which is a busy life to lead on its own.

it’s why you don’t complain when he wants to spend the night in and order a pizza instead of cooking together like you’ve been wanting to try. it’s why every time your friends ask you two to hang, you have to reluctantly explain that peter is passed out at eight o’clock on a saturday.

there’s a lazy “wanna make out?” some nights, if peter isn’t yawning when he steps through the front door. even that has lost its enjoyment. kissing peter doesn’t give you the rush it used to, the taste of his strawberry chapstick not flooding your senses and intoxicating you. it’s become predictable. comfortable. boring.

peter is boring.

you’ve slipped into unspoken routine. say your hello’s, work on separate assignments in different rooms. peter eventually yells something like “babe, you hungry yet?” across the apartment, his passive way of asking you to make dinner. you usually order takeout because why make an effort if he doesn’t?

you might watch one of the ten movies peter has liked since before the start of your relationship. he’ll usually fall asleep during it. no surprise there. his overpacked schedule exhausts him, which you’ve talked to him about spreading himself too thin. peter is too nice and can’t say no, so this is where it leaves him.

the main reason you’ve stayed with him is that he can’t take care of himself. he’s clueless about paying the bills, sorting his laundry, simply remembering to drink water. peter wouldn’t be able to go a week without you. he even says it himself.

“crap, i totally forgot about these,” when you picked up his special ordered textbooks from your school library. “can food go in the garbage disposal?” a rare time you didn’t wash the dishes. “thank you, y/n/n. you’re literally a lifesaver,” whenever you do a task for him that someone in their 20s shouldn’t need assistance with.

you didn’t used to mind much. he watches over the city every night. you felt you should return the favor. spider-man could use some help, too. after the almost four years you’ve been together, peter has become completely dependent on you. it only got worse when you moved in together your junior year. you’re concerned how he’ll manage later in his adult life.

you’d think he’d be a little more passionate about your relationship considering how much he needs you. you know peter still loves you, of course he does. that’s not what the problem is. he’s become content with the mutual feeling, so he doesn’t try anymore. he expects the spark to keep itself lit.

no more random joke of the day texts that he used to send you. he stopped surprising you with your coffee order in the morning, the one that he memorized the first time you two went to a starbucks. what you initially found most endearing about peter was that he remembered every little thing you told him.

he put whatever energy he had into showing you that he listened. he’d do it all with rosy cheeks and that toothy smile of his. it seems now like he’s under the impression that being in a long term relationship means none of that matters anymore. there’s no need to impress you, keep you guessing, make you feel special.

tonight is your breaking point. as you go over all of this in your head while peter lays peacefully next to you, you can’t take it. you’ve been making so many excuses for him. you lie to yourself. you’re desperate to believe this is okay and normal and you can work this out, and you can love whatever version of him this is.

but, you can’t. you can’t do it. you need to tell him now because if you sleep on this, you’ll end up feeling bad and be stuck under these suffocating blankets forever.

“peter?” you whisper his name, your back turned to him in bed. you haven’t cuddled each other to sleep in a while. his arms don’t make you feel held now, they make you feel trapped. you’ve been forcing yourself to ignore his look of hurt when you reject his open embrace.

“peter?” you speak louder after a moment of silence, except for his occasional snores. a loud one escapes him before they stop altogether. his eyes stay shut as he mumbles out a, “uh... huh?” your heart is thudding through your entire body. you take a breath in from your nose. “i wanna break up.”

the breath you let out next is one of relief, those three words that have been scratching your throat for months finally out. peter slowly turns his head over his shoulder. he blinks rapidly at your motionless figure. you’re still not facing him.

“what?” is all he says. his voice is surprisingly steady, the confession not yet registering with his sleepy mind. his eyes are burning into you. “i wanna break up,” you repeat and squish your face further into your pillow. peter suddenly sits up, flicking on the lamp on his side. he tries to sling an arm around you. you move further away until you’re at the edge of the bed.

“i’m serious, peter. everything we had, it’s gone.” your words cut through him harder than literal knives he’s been stabbed with. “i- i don’t understand. where is this coming from?” he rakes a hand through his mess of curls. you turn onto your back, looking up at peter. his eyes are fixed on your lower half.

he’ll most definitely cry if he meets your eyes. he really doesn’t want to cry, not ever again when you won’t be here to make him feel better.

“it’s been coming,” you almost scoff at him as you prop yourself up against your pillows. peter’s teeth tug at his lower lip. “all we do is this.” you gesture to your bed, slapping your hand down at your side. “i get tired,” he speaks quietly, refusing to look at you. “i know you do, peter. i know, but you’d be a lot happier if you ever listened to me.”

your statement comes off as condescending to him. he works up the courage to look you in the face. “are you kidding? all you do is boss me around, and i take it. i’ve never once complained.” anger is coursing through his veins and voice. at the situation, that he’s about to lose the one stable part of his life. you’re getting pissed, too.

“that’s because you can’t do anything yourself!” you throw the blankets off you and swing your legs over the bed in one motion. peter hops out of bed entirely. “my whole life, i’ve been on my own half the time,” he spits as he comes over to stand in front of you. “sorry for taking you up on your offers to help.”

your peter would never spew that shit out. he wouldn’t guilt you for something he’s in the wrong about. this peter takes you for granted. he has no clue how fucked he’d be without you.

the first time you spoke to peter was on your way to history 227. you’d recognized him from your class, much more interested in the pretty boy taking notes with his tongue stuck out than whatever war your professor would lecture about.

he was carrying some books, a pencil case that didn’t fully zip, and a five subject notebook. you watched him do his balancing act through the halls until his legs started to wobble. a knowing smile on your face, you tapped his shoulder. it was a gentle one so you didn’t scare him and make all his things fall over.

“can i carry something for you?” you laughed out and pushed one of your backpack straps up on your shoulder. peter only stared at you, his doe eyes prompting you to reach for his pencil case. “uh, no, it’s fine. i got it. see?” he proved that to you by hiking everything up in his arms. he gave you a smile of his own.

“are you sure? we’re going to the same place,” you’d checked again and pointed at his impressive pile. “i’m not gonna steal your sharpies.” “really, i’m fine,” peter insisted with a heart clenching chuckle. “you can have one, if you want,” he offered and attempted to unzip his case, one handed. you put your hand over his to stop him.

“wait until we get to class,” you let go of him, leaving the tips of peter’s ears a shade of pink you’d later fall in love with. “i’ll sit with you.”

peter was once determined to do things on his own, to be self-sufficient. it used to be something he was proud of. now, he’s completely incapable of holding his independence.

“we’re done, peter.” your tone is short, you getting to your feet. “you’d probably forget how to fucking breathe without me, but call it bossing around, i guess,” you laugh bitterly and go over to your drawers. peter’s face falls as he grabs your wrist, stopping you when you pass by him. “where are you going?”

no answer. you pull yourself out of his grasp with your lips pressed into a stern line. peter follows you step by step over to the dresser. “wait, wait. don’t leave, baby. please,” he begs you, getting onto his knees beside you. you’re pulling random clothes out as quick as you can. a science t-shirt peter outgrew is in your hands.

peter used to give you all his old clothes. the signature smell of his cologne lingered no matter how many times you washed them. they kept you calm on nights he was out late patrolling or away on missions. peter would sport a smirk whenever you wore them out in public, pulling you closer to him and complimenting the look.

it started when he was packing for his first mission since you two had begun living together. he’d realized he became too buff to fit in some shirts. remembering how many times you’d giggle at their funny sayings, peter gave them to you. you threw one on and thanked him with a peck on the cheek. it became your tradition.

peter would set off for a new continent, but a piece of him would stay home with you.

the stretched out hoodies and ripped sweatpants just sit in your drawer now. another meaningful thing discontinued. whatever he doesn’t want goes to may for donations now. the memory of what they used to mean to you makes a fit of rage burst through you.

you slam down his ‘find x’ shirt in the space between his knees and yours. you’re on a mission of your own this time. you aren’t going anywhere until you get rid of all the stuff that went from him to you.

“y/n, don’t do this. i- i love you. i love you.” peter chokes out, tears filling his eyes. his vision is clouded while you toss more clothes to your side. “i love you, y/n/n,” he whimpers again, and this time you briskly push the drawer shut. the whole dresser shakes. this is the most emotion either of you have shown in the past few months of your relationship. it’s a little too late.

“love is more than a word, peter. you have to back it up with actions.” you’re doing your best not to cry. the memories of how loved peter made you feel play in your mind. he briefly wipes under his eyes and shakes his head. he’s so oblivious. “i thought i- i did.” “exactly, you did. you gave up at some point.” your voice gets weaker as a tear drips down your chin.

you didn’t plan on breaking down when you imagined this moment. part of you wishes you could give him another chance. most of you knows it wouldn’t do any good for you or peter. you’re not right for each other anymore. he outgrew some sweatshirts, you outgrew him.

that takes you all the way back to it’s not you, it’s me. it’s really both of you.

for the last time, you pull peter in for a hug. the two of you need this. he loops his arms around your back, keeping them loose around you as he tucks his face into the side of your neck. you’re a mix of tears and sharp breaths with your chin on his shoulder. you bring a hand up to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of curls.

he sobs right into your ear, effectively destroying whatever composure you had left.

even though you’re not in love with peter, you haven’t stopped loving him. somewhere inside of him is the goofy boy who asked you out on a post-it during class. the kindhearted man who gave so much of himself to the world and saved enough for you. the one whose fingertips left goosebumps on your skin with every touch.

seeing him like this, having caused it feels like a dull pain rippling in every part of your body. you’ve been there to soothe him during countless breakdowns over the years. you managed to stay strong for all of them. this is the only exception. he lost people, felt down about life, made mistakes. you were there to pick up each piece and put them back together.

the one mistake peter made that you can’t fix is not loving you right. you became his rock, his anchor whenever he let grief and sadness rule over him. you’d get him back to himself. he could’ve at least bought you flowers once in a while, or done anything that showed his gratitude. every iteration of awful put together isn’t enough to describe how he feels.

“i’m so- i’m so fucking sorry, baby. i don’t deserve you. i never have,” peter murmurs as he cries, wetting your skin that his face is still pressed into. your fingers pull roughly at his hair. hot tears overflow from your own eyes. “i should’ve done more.” his voice cracks on the last word. “that’s all i wanted to hear, pete,” you breathe out and pull away from him.

“does that mean you’ll stay?” he croaks, arms still wound around your body. his eyes are hopeful when they lock with yours. a frown pulls at your lips. “only for tonight. i should... one of us should sleep on the couch.” “oh,” his voice is gravelly, so he clears his throat. “i’ll do it.” you’re not going to fight him on it for once.

peter removes his arms from your waist, you sitting back down on your thighs. you give him a blink and you’ll miss it smile because you can’t keep one for long. it’s to let him know you’re not mad. you were at the start of this conversation, then he took accountability. you also came to terms with the fact that the downfall of your relationship was a joined effort.

there are more factors than peter not giving you what he should have. time, different goals, new outlooks on life. you can’t hate only him because a whole bunch of things lead to this.

instead of a smile, since he physically can’t put one on his splotchy face, peter brushes the pad of his thumb over the corner of your lips. he gets up to leave the room, but you stop him with a “wait!” he freezes in front of you. you get out a hoodie from his pile of old clothes and stand up. “it’s cold.” you put it in his hands, earning a grin that he didn’t think was possible.

“thanks, y/n,” peter sighs and holds the hoodie against his chest. “goodnight. um,” this is the part where he’d usually say i love you. “sleep well, okay?” the replacement stings for both of you. you’ll have to learn to fall asleep without hearing that phrase first. as much as you didn’t feel it anymore, you’d become used to it. “you too, peter. night,” you say softly.

you head back to your bed while peter walks out the door. he glances at you once, and you’re already settling under the covers. he shuts the door behind him before finding his way to the couch.

your bed has always seemed too small. it’s gigantic without peter. you aren’t sure how you feel about that yet.

peter lays across the couch, the hood that doesn’t quite fit him pulled over his head. he’s only wearing it because you gave it to him. you doing that not even five minutes ago was how you backed up your love with actions. it’s so easy. silent tears spill from his eyes at the realization.

he wishes on every star that he could’ve figured out he wasn’t doing enough sooner. you’d be together right now, had he just caught on. there was a time he prided himself on knowing you fully and completely. how to turn you into the shy one with certain combinations of words, what your schedule was each week so he could plan his free time around it.

your relationship became something he thought would last unconditionally. if only he was able pinpoint the exact moment he went wrong.

you’re right in the other room. he can go in there and bawl, plead for you to take him back. how could he do that and claim to love you, though? you’ve made it clear you‘re over him.

the best way for peter to show you he loves you is by letting you live your life, without him in it.

you don’t see peter again for weeks. he moved back in with may, and you got to keep the apartment. you were the one who took all the care of it, anyway.

your semester ended at the perfect time because peter isn’t in any of your new classes. the city is too big to bump into each other. you’re free from the hold he had on you, which would’ve been four years long since yesterday. you’ve been good at picking up his broken pieces for too long, and now it’s time to pick up your own.

for all the hangouts you missed on his behalf, you made up for it. you called mj the day after your breakup and met for lunch. she never explicitly said it, but she took your side. peter had a feeling because when he had the same idea as you, to lean on his friends for support, she never reached out.

betty is indifferent, ned stays cordial with you. his real loyalty is to peter. you can’t blame him.

peter hasn’t been doing well since you broke up. he’s not eating enough, he can’t focus on work of any kind. you were right when you said he would forget how to breathe without you. he often wonders how you’ve been.

he finds out today.

you’re walking around campus, heading in the direction peter just came from. he has a class in the building your last one was. the two of you are on the same sidewalk, opposite sides. he almost doesn’t recognize you.

mj is on one side of you, a guy he’s never seen before with an arm around your shoulders. you’re all laughing about whatever dumb thing your professor said during the lecture. your hair, which is done in a new style, flows behind you in the spring breeze. a smile takes place on your glossy lips. the smile is directed towards that guy. your new boyfriend, peter assumes.

you look amazing, and not only physically. you seem happy with your small group of people. peter hadn’t been able to give you that happiness in years, so it’s nice to see you got it back somehow.

he must have stared too long because you notice him. you fall behind mj and your potential boyfriend, both of them wrapped up in discussing your next project. peter stops walking. you do the same. he’s not sure if he upset you, or what’s going on. his instincts tell him to apologize. his mouth stays closed.

that infectious smile of yours appears once again. you thought about peter yesterday, it being your anniversary and all. you’d only let yourself remember the good things. they outweighed the bad ones when you look back on everything.

“aye, grandma! get over here!” mj calls to you, your boyfriend nudging her side. “take your time, y/n/n. i’m not in a rush to write seven long ass pages.” you laugh to yourself at the two of them. peter fiddles with the zipper on his jacket. it’s from the drawer of things you used to wear. “one sec!” you yell back.

“hey,” you turn to face peter, who’s giving you a tight lipped smile. “how’ve you been?” “i’m okay. just, you know,” he shrugs and clasps his hands behind his back. there’s a short silence before peter says, “you seem good. really good.” he smiles for real this time. “yeah, i am. i hope you are, too,” you tell him and genuinely mean it.

you’d like to catch up soon, but it’s not right yet. you both need more time. “i’ll see you around?” you’re already starting to walk, backwards so you can see peter. “uh, sure. bye,” he gives you a quick wave and continues on his way.

you get back to mj and your boyfriend, his arm returning to your shoulders. they waited for you by the stoplight. “what’d ya get up to over there?” he teases, mj suspiciously watching your face for any tells. you carefully think through your answer with a grin. “love.”

#tom holland #peter parker #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #spiderman #marvel #peter parker angst

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starlighthan · 2 years

Note

hi there! can i request number 18 with minho please? (also congrats on the milestone! i hope you’re doing well <3)

WHERE WE BELONG

pairing: prince!minho and gender-neutral!reader (ft. twice dahyun)

genre: fluff, angst, modern royalty au

warnings: mentions of committing arson and one curse word

word count: 1.8k words

note: omg hello tysm!! i gotta admit, i was SO surprised when you sent a req (bc i love ur works very much <33 aaah) so i hope you'd like this! it was so hard to pick what plot should i use for this prompt since it can apply to so many stories lmao pls </3 i hope you're doing well too! :DD

prompt/s: #18 - “i love you.” “you shouldn’t though.”

you can still request here!

destiny is really messing you up. you badly want to keep your life to yourself but like what your friends tell you, a royal gets affected by external factors too.

“did you say yes?” your friend beside you asked, sipping her wine.

the question is so inevitable, but you never had the guts to answer it. you got that question several times now from your friends tonight, yet it always ends up assuming the right answer.

“to be honest, no. but who am i to reject an offer that would benefit my whole family?”

ah, the arranged marriage once again. every royal’s heart is doomed with this setup unless you’re brave enough to turn your back against your family and the people.

your own friend never fails you to remove that frown on your face and maybe this time, she wouldn't be able to do achieve that, unfortunately. “having the most strict parents is the worst.”

snickering, you agree, “i’m jealous of all of you, dahyun. you guys have the freedom for everything, yet i do not have the freedom for this single important thing.”

you glance to your wine and sip it ‘til it’s gone. “if only i wasn’t in this horrible set up as if it’s like a bad blind date, i would’ve gotten the courage to ask minho out,” you sigh.

“maybe you still can,” dahyun moves her head to the garden in front of you, ��i think your parents don’t have the right to step into your own love life if you have somebody you actually like.”

looking down at your glass, you see your own reflection. a mirror of truth enough to tell you that you’ll be the most miserable person ever. if you can’t even get to fight for yourself, what more for your undying love for somebody?

“i’ll go back. i might drown myself in wine tonight,” you stand up from the garden’s wooden benches, “do you want me to refill yours?”

dahyun silently answers you, shaking her head. “i’ll let you do your own thing this time.”

nodding, you slowly walk back to the ballroom. on the way, you saw a silhouette against the ballroom’s shiny grand chandeliers.

the silhouette becomes smaller, the person coming to light under the moon. “i’ve been finding you.”

minho.

clearing your throat, you continue walking to the ballroom, “really? i didn’t know you’re coming today.”

minho catches up with you very quickly, walking beside you. you look at him and he might’ve taken your breath away for the nth time. why does this prince always look so nice in formal events?

the boy beside you hums, “i thought of the same, i still have things to do tonight but i decided to abandon them.”

you laugh, looking in front to keep up with the trail to the large room, “oh, you mean your assignments? college be sucking the life of us, eh?”

“right. but i truly don’t want to miss this gala,” minho now looking at you, “every event is an opportunity.”

“what do you mean opportunity?” you asked, making minho stop in the middle of opening the tall glass door to your ballroom, “you just dance and talk to me every time, what do you gain here?”

minho brings his arm down and scratches his head, “about that...”

he finally thinks about whether to confess already or not. minho’s mentally arguing with himself for the whole day about this.

he didn’t want to delay every chance that he gets to say those three words. he didn’t like the fact that you might partner up with someone else for the rest of your life.

“is this the right time to confess?” minho asks on the spur of the moment. with shaky eyes, he waits for your approval.

you question him, squinting. “what are you going to confess? have you burned down our uni already?”

minho chuckles, disagreeing with your question. “something else to confess, not committing arson like i’ve said a million times before.”

please, anything but a love confession, you thought to yourself.

“are you into courting? it’s okay if you’re not into it or you don’t feel the same. i’d like to ask you out before being actually together because,” minho starts moving awkwardly around you, flimsy hands wriggling around, “i really like you a lot.”

you’d like to say it again, destiny is really messing you up.

“can you... give me another glass of wine to remember?” you wave your glass in front of him, “what did you just say?”

with hopeful eyes, he drops the three words he always wanted to say to you. “i love you.”

you grip tightly to your wine glass, almost dropping the fragile object. holy shit, it’s real. is this man for real—

the last three words made you put your glass to the cemented floor, holding yourself back from tears.

you freeze at the moment, very speechless at the sudden revelation. you don’t want to bring up that excuse to reject him even if you’ve been feeling the same for the longest time.

feeling so many things at the same time never felt this uncomfortable. you don’t know where to begin.

overwhelming enough to say, you feel butterflies in your stomach, your heart breaking into pieces, your chest getting heavy, and a mind that’s on an intense marathon.

you carefully hold onto the single hand that’s been around yours. the touch has been so familiar, yet you probably wouldn’t be able to feel his soft hands in the next few decades. it hurts so much.

stopping the painful silence, you tell him, “you shouldn’t though.”

minho seeing your bittersweet smile and watery eyes also hurts him. without even knowing the reason behind it, he knows you’re hurting.

“what do you mean? i shouldn’t love you?” minho softly asks you, getting closer to you.

you slowly nod. all you know is he’s gonna ask you why. and once again, you are certainly not ready to share about the arranged marriage.

if you even had the guts to say it, you’d rather not let him know. surely, it’s gonna damage both sides.

wanting your touch, minho slightly raises your hand and leans his face on it very delicately. “why?”

taking a deep breath, you close your eyes. you really swore to yourself that you’re not going to tell him but he has to know. you can’t leave him with a blank answer for such a question like this.

minho wipes the single tear that fell from your eyes, “it’s alright if you’re not ready to tell me the reason. you know i’d be very patient with you.”

he rubs your hand with his thumb, still leaning to your hand. “i’m willing to wait. always.”

even if you lack the courage to spill about your family’s agenda for you, you refuse. “no, you don’t have to wait. i’m gonna tell you.”

opening your eyes, you blink a few times. the view in front of you has been the most ethereal you’ve seen in such a long time. the man in front of you just does it and it breaks your heart for another time.

“i feel the same,” your other hand reaches for his own, finally holding on to each of his hands. “but my parents have finalized that i’ll be marrying someone else.”

minho feels his throat get dry, finally realizing why you’ve been so devastated for the past few minutes with him.

he still wants to pursue you, his heart still wanting you. he won’t let this simply pass.

minho usually goes with the flow in things, but this could be an exception. he won’t let you go with someone else; he wants to be with you in his whole lifetime.

minho clears his throat, “why won’t i step in and tell the king and queen to discontinue it?”

his eyes filled with the smallest hope looks at yours filled with despair. he badly wants to see you happy; he will never allow anybody to make you have those eyes.

“that’s impossible, minho. i even try to speak for myself and they still didn’t let me have my say.”

furrowing his eyebrows, watching you get more hopeless. “how disrespectful of your parents. it’s not supposed to be them always having the spot to decide for everything.”

he moves away from your hands, finally leaning his forehead to yours. “you are a part of the royal family here. you have the right to speak too. putting a boundary between you and the family plans is absolutely infuriating, especially with a plan that involves you.”

“i won’t let this slide, _____. i’d be willing enough to go to your home and tell the king and queen to stop whatever nonsense they’re planning,” the prince tells you, squeezing your hands to give you enough comfort.

“they really want me to get married. if you want to stop it for me, i still have to find someone else,” you say to him, eyes moving to look at anywhere but minho.

“you mean me?” minho grins.

not sure of what you just heard, you look at him, “excuse me? we’re not even together!”

“same with that mystery person you’re gonna be married to!” minho smiles, “at least you know me personally. plus, the feelings are mutual, right? isn’t that better?”

what a dream to be with him for the rest of your life. you were so down and helpless a few minutes ago and here you are, finally fighting for what’s yours (and his).

you nod, “that doesn’t sound bad.”

“your parents love me and my family. they have to take that mystery person out and put me as your fiancé,” minho says, “if they’re still not okay with me as your fiancé, i would definitely commit arson this time.”

chuckling, you drop his hands and hug him tightly. your arms around his neck, minho puts his around your waist. “i hope this would be easy. it’s been so rough standing up on my own.”

minho places his head on your shoulder, mumbling, “you don’t have to stand up on your own sometimes. you have me, i’d stand with you for every obstacle you’ll face.”

you softly hit his back with your fist, “you’re making it sound like we’re married, stop it.”

the boy laughs, “well, we’re going to get married soon. i would do everything to be the one proposing and be with you forever.”

“god, you are so cheesy,” you laugh out loud.

you really do love him, huh?

“are you willing to join me in getting matchy engagement rings tonight?” minho pulls away, looking at you, “you’ll get to pick.”

with the brightest smile you ever shown tonight, you agree right away. “i’d love that. are we escaping?”

minho nods, shortly pulling you away to get out of this compound and finally give you the freedom you wanted.

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