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prorevenge · 5 years

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Shitty neighbor bullies struggling immigrants for 15 years. Their kid gets revenge, and the shitty neighbor loses custody of her kid & is forced to move out of their house.

I'm sorry it's long, but I think it's worth it!

Spoiler alert: I'm the kid.

A bit of context first:

I'm an only child, born in the USA to older parents (they were both 45 when I was born) who immigrated from Venezuela in the 90's. When I was 2, my Dad was shot in the head. He lived for another 13 years, but the incident permanently damaged certain parts of his brain, and he was a completely different person for those last 13 years. He went from being the most loving, incredible, caring, compassionate person around, to an aggressive, violent, asshole who blew up over the smallest things, but only ever at his inner circle (me, my mother, or other close family). He always managed to keep his composure around strangers for fear of someone calling the police and him getting arrested, but he would later let it all out on my Mom and myself (admittedly mostly me). After the shooting, he could never work again, and my Mom was forced into the position of being the family's sole breadwinner. We lived in poverty for many, many years, because the USA wouldn't recognize her college degree and she couldn't afford to go to college again, so she couldn't work in her field and had to start "at the bottom of the ladder." Dad eventually died when I was 15, of issues related to his shooting.

Now, when I was 7, my parents decided to move into a town with a better reputation for their schools than the one we were currently living in, so that I could attend a better school. They bought a house literally on the edge of town. Most of this town is incredibly expensive, but because on the other side of our street (and across the town line) there's a big complex of government-subsidized housing, our area is much cheaper. This is the house with the asshole neighbor. The house is a three-family. For the last 16 years, we have owned and occupied the first floor, while the terrible neighbor lived on the second floor (until recently). The third floor has been occupied by over 10 owners and tenants over these years; None have stayed more than 3 or 4 years and some have stayed as little as a handful of months.

Now, the second floor bitch, let's call her "Karen." Because, obviously. She has a husband, who we'll call Bill, and they have a young son, Henry.

Here's the story:

When we moved in, Karen and Bill had already been here for a few short months. The three of us (us on the first floor, Karen and Bill on the second, and the original third floor's owners) bought the house from the same crew, who had bought it and turned it into a three-family, "fixing it up" in the process.

Karen quickly showed her true colors as a bully. Over the years, there's been countless examples of nasty shit she's pulled. Her husband, Bill, is an immigrant himself, and doesn't speak very good English. He's very submissive to her and does whatever she wants, but in front of other people makes himself out to be physically dominant. In our first years here, they used to fight a lot, which we regularly heard from downstairs. They would yell, sometimes for hours, and occasionally it seemed like things got violent. Henry was born maybe 10 years ago. He doesn't factor into the story until much later. But anyways, the point is: Whatever Karen's done, she's always gotten away with it. Here are some highlights:

My Mom always took pride in how well she took care of our trash bin & recycling bin. Every month she'd give them a quick rinse after that week's trash day, just to make sure that they wouldn't develop a smell or a colony of bacteria wouldn't move in. Karen, apparently, wasn't so diligent, and one time, her recycling been got really nasty. And I mean really nasty. So, she just left it out back (context: Behind the house isn't a backyard, it's just pavement with a parking spot designated for each unit), and began using ours. Lo and behold, ours started to get nasty, and Mom quickly went from spending a quick 3 minutes rinsing it out every month to about 45 minutes scrubbing with soap and water to clean it out. Eventually, we decided we'd had enough, and she and Dad sent Karen and the third-floor-tenants of the time a polite, but firm, e-mail, that basically said, "Whoever started using our recycling bin, please stop and use your own. You never asked our permission, and we take good care of it, and ever since you began using it it's become disgusting." We knew it was Karen and Bill, but Mom & Dad figured it was more polite without a call-out and they "didn't want to start anything." Within a week, 2 things happened: Karen & Bill got a brand-spanking new recycling bin, and one week we found ours had been mysteriously destroyed. Someone took a knife to it and cut it to pieces. We had no way of knowing who it was, but we had a pretty good feeling we knew exactly who it was. (Yes, we had to get a new one.) Because we had no evidence of who did it though, my parents didn't say anything about it.

Back when we could afford a car (we haven't had one since our first few years here), we used our parking space out back. Every time that Karen & Bill hosted a party (which back then was surprisingly frequently), they would toss their trash over their balcony "into the general vicinity of the trash & recycling bins out back," which is literally right next to our designated parking space. Most of the dents we had on our old '88 Toyota were from bottles thrown from the second floor balcony. We had windows break a couple times; Same deal. Each time it happened, my parents would politely go upstairs, knock on Karen & Bill's door, and respectfully ask them to stop throwing stuff over the balcony because "sometimes it accidentally hits our car." Each time they went and did that, Karen & Bill stopped, but they would do it again until they got caught during their next party. Again though, my parents never wanted to escalate the situation, so they never justified taking it further than knocking on her door and politely asking them to stop.

This is another example of Karen's utter shit behavior, but it's also relevant for the revenge part of the story, so I'm putting it after the bullet point section. Our basement is shared between all 3 units. Each unit has its designated space boxed out (kind of like office cubicles), and there's some designated "common area" in between. Years ago (maybe like 8 or 9), Karen and Bill completely filled their designated basement cubicle, so they just started piling shit all over the common area. Eventually, they developed this enormous pile of junk in front of Unit 1's (our unit) oil tank (for heating). My Mom & Dad never said anything because it happened over a long period of time and they didn't want to start a fight, and as far as I know none of the third floor folks ever said anything either, but it got to the point where she and her husband were taking up common area space that was easily twice the size of their designated cubicle.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that for many years my parents and I weren't great neighbors, either. We didn't bully anyone, but due to my Dad's condition, he could be triggered (ayyyyyyy) by seemingly anything, and suddenly he'd be in a rage and we'd all be yelling. I grew up in that generally chaotic environment, and, yeah, there were several times when the police were called to our house for noise disturbances. But we kept our shit to ourselves, and we were nothing but polite and respectful to all our neighbors, always.

That said, you can imagine that our first priority was always my Dad and his stability, and we had enough on our hands with that, so he & Mom always swallowed their pride and avoided doing anything to antagonize Karen, no matter how shitty her behavior got.

After my Dad died, I developed my own issues for a while, with mental health. Growing up in a constantly chaotic, violent, aggressive environment took its toll on me, and for a time I had deeply depressive tendencies. I struggled with suicidality for years, and eventually wound up graduating high school after 8 years of attending classes in some form or another. Similar to when my Dad was sick, I became my mother's top priority at that point, so again, Karen and Bill kept getting away with all her bullshit.

I got better though. Nowadays, I'm even off my psychiatric medication. I got my shit together and graduated high school, and even college. I have my Bachelor's, and I'm doing some postgrad stuff for a Master's. Most of the way has been paid for by scholarships. But, I recently decided that, as an adult now and therefore as someone with a little more say in things around the house than when I was a kid, I had had enough of watching Karen bully my parents, particularly my mother, for so many years. I want revenge.

Phase One of my plan was to ease my way into the adult, condo-administration dialogue. I began helping out more around the house -- as in, around the common area parts:

I single-handedly redid the back porch's flooring (it sounds like more than it is -- I just pulled out all the floorboards and nailed new ones in).

I replaced both storm doors (about 6 months apart) when each one began having problems (different kinds of problems, it doesn't matter what they were).

I also took care of some comparatively smaller things -- I weedwhacked out back for a couple hours, cut the grass out front a few times, and got up early so that I could beat everyone else to the shoveling every time it snowed one winter (not '18-'19, but '17-'18). I also began wheeling back everyone's recycling & trash bins after trash week every week, not just our own.

After the first 2 bullet point stuff, each time I sent out an e-mail to everyone in the condo to let them know that I had taken care of it, and that all I asked of the other 2 units was for them to reimburse me 1/3rd of the cost of materials, on their timetable, because of course I hadn't given them a heads-up so it was only fair that I allow them to pay me when they can. The smaller stuff from the last bullet point I obviously didn't need to announce, the idea was just that over time, the neighbors would see me taking more initiative in things and being more active, which would go on to justify me participating more in inter-condo politics. I also made a point to keep conversations to e-mails, so that there would be a written record of every interaction.

Phase Two of my plan ran pretty much concurrently to Phase One, but had an entirely different purpose and was overall entirely different: I began gathering evidence of everything I could.

I asked my Mom to track down all the old e-mails she & Dad had exchanged with the neighbors, documenting many instances that Karen & Bill had pulled shit

I went downstairs and took a video of Karen and Bill's shit all over the common area, particularly emphasizing all the highly flammable wooden and cardboard shit they had piled up in front of our oil tank.

I dug up and pored over the deed to our apartment, specifically the sections that detailed the rules around common areas and the limitations of our unit as compared to the others and vice versa.

To my utter joy, Mom & Dad never threw out that old recycling bin that Karen and/or Bill had knifed up, apparently because they just never knew what to do with it and never wanted anyone to ask questions. Naturally, I dug it up and took plenty of photos.

I did one other evidence-gathering thing that needs a bit more explanation: Karen & Bill are awful parents. Mom & I regularly hear the shit they do to Henry through the very thin ceiling we have here. I'm decidedly not going to go into detail because, even though I changed his name, he's still underage and I feel it would be disrespectful to him to do that, but let's say it crosses far into the realm of child abuse. This is a topic I'm particularly sensitive about because I grew up in a shitty situation myself, so believe me when I say this part is the most satisfying part of my revenge. Let's just say that every time I could hear shit through the ceiling, I took out my phone and started a recording until it stopped.

Finally, Phase Three of my plan was basically to bait Karen and/or Bill into a trap I set, that, as it turns out, would have humongous consequences (for them).

Mom & I have this old treadmill that we got for free. It's in the kitchen, and lately we've come to the conclusion that it just takes up a little too much space. We both use it a little, but not enough to justify keeping it. She wanted to toss it out, but I argued hard to keep it around, because I knew I could use it for this plan. It would be my only shot.

Remember how I mentioned we haven't had a car for years? Well, eventually, I convinced Mom to let me put the treadmill outside, in our parking space out back. I bought a large tarp to cover it with, so it would be protected from the rain, and I told her I'd start using it more if it was outside because it's nicer to do exercise in the fresh air.

I also sent out an e-mail to Karen, cc'd to Bill and the current third-floor-folks, asking her to move all the things in front of our oil tank in the basement "somewhere else." Despite the fact that those things had been there for many years, I justified addressing it now because I'm the one addressing it, and that's different from before because before I was a child and now I'm an adult who actively participates in the inter-condo dialogue. I asked her to because the way she currently had it set up is a safety hazard, and "I'm just following the rules." I further let her know that if she and Bill didn't take care of it within a handful of weeks, that I would have no choice but to take care of it myself. In the same e-mail, I let everyone know that I was putting our treadmill in our parking space out back, so that if anyone had any trouble with getting into their spot to please let me know. The same day I sent out the e-mail, I put the treadmill out back.

Now, I figured nothing was going to change from all the other e-mails I had sent about matters regarding the condo's administration, and nothing did: She and Bill never acknowledged anything. The current third-floor guy didn't want anything to do with going up against Karen, so he just thanked me for the heads-up about the treadmill and said nothing else.

It's also important to note here that my real reason for mentioning the treadmill in that e-mail wasn't "in case anyone has trouble getting into their parking spot." Needless to say, sure, a treadmill in a kitchen is pretty fucking big and obnoxious, but a treadmill off to the side of an automobile parking space isn't really big at all. Plus, I placed it in such a way that it wasn't in anyone's way, giving everyone ample room to maneuver around. It was just there, off to the side. The reason I mentioned the treadmill in that e-mail was to alert her to its presence, and perhaps associate it in her mind with my request for her to move all her shit in the basement.

I also began using it, at least three mornings a week. I timed it so that sometimes, Karen and Bill would run into me as they left to drive Henry to school. Every time I saw them, I waved and greeted, to ensure they'd notice me on the treadmill. Mom also used it a few times, but she wasn't part of my plan so I've no idea if she ever ran into them while on it.

Here's the other thing I did: I set up a video camera in our laundry basket. See, we have it permanently in the pantry, next to the pantry window that faces the back area. I buried it beneath clothing so that from outside you can't even see it, but I bought a few massive (memory storage wise, not physically) SD cards and kept the thing recording 24/7, with a timestamp.

For 2 weeks, nothing happened. The camera recorded nothing suspicious, and Karen & Bill didn't move their shit in the basement.

Their time was up, so one night, I got up at around 1AM when everyone else was asleep so nobody would hear me, and went downstairs to move their shit.

Reddit, I can't express to you how much I enjoyed this. I bought a GoPro, put it on my noggin, and carefully recorded the entire hour and a half of moving shit around. I took the enormous pile of junk in front of Mom & I's oil tank, and found a way to fit all of it into their designated storage cubicle. In the end, it was packed. I have mild OCD and I nearly had an orgasm at the end from how well organized (physically) everything was, so that everything was neatly packed together and all the space was used at maximum efficiency. It was glorious. Packed from floor to ceiling, and almost wall-to-wall all around. If you can just imagine one massive, near-perfect rectangular prism of junk, that's what I had created. It was a masterpiece. I was so proud. On the side the door was on, there was enough space to walk to either wall, but you couldn't move "into" it anywhere.

I got back upstairs to our apartment and couldn't sleep the rest of the night. I was beyond excited. I wound up watching Infinity War to prepare for Ant-Man and the Wasp's then-upcoming release. Ayyy.

Sure enough, Karen & Bill took the bait. I must've been at school or work when they first discovered the basement, because I never heard a thing about it. In hindsight, it's probably best I was out, even though I would've savored those angry shrieks like nothing ever before. In any case, within a few days, we discovered our treadmill destroyed. Similarly to the recycling bin of years past, it had been knifed up. I can imagine they probably wanted to straight-up take a hammer to it, but they didn't want to make much noise, so they wound up just tearing the thing apart with a really big and really sharp knife. They had seen that we were using it, and aside from our trash & recycling bins it was our only property that they had access to at that point (several years back I filled up the rest of the wall of our basement cubicle and installed a door with a lock, so our cubicle is now sealed off to everyone else but the others are open and anyone can enter), plus I can imagine destroying a $1000 treadmill is infinitely more tempting than a trash or recycling bin, so they went for it in retaliation for my stunt in the basement.

After moving their shit in the basement, I started timing my treadmill use differently so that I wouldn't run into them. As soon as I saw it after they destroyed it, I went straight to the camera I had set up in the pantry. It caught the whole thing. In true fashion of their relationship, Bill brandished an enormous knife and single-handedly destroyed the whole thing himself, while she stood next to him and seemingly ordered him to do it.

With that in hand, I called the police, reported the incident, told them that my mother and I felt threatened by their presence and we filed a restraining order against both Karen and Bill with the police that same day. I turned over all the evidence I had gathered of all their shit over the years, and I also turned over all the audio clips I had of Karen & Bill terrorizing Henry. I figured since it was all audio and no video, it wouldn't be enough to get him out of their care, but maybe it'd at least get the Department of Children & Families involved.

Karen & Bill immediately claimed that I had broke a bunch of their shit while moving it around in the basement (shit that they no doubt had broken themselves), so I offered my GoPro recordings as proof that I had not, in fact, broken any of their shit while moving it at all.

The restraining order a person is allowed to file with a police report is always temporary, but you can always petition the court to extend it. Once Mom & I did that, it was granted. At that point, Karen & Bill hadn't been legally allowed to go back home for about a week, and since it became a longer-term restraining order, they were basically not going to be allowed to live in their own home for several years, so they made the obvious choice to sell the house and move elsewhere. Needless to say, selling a house you're not allowed to be near is a difficult task, and moving all your stuff out of said house is even more difficult -- particularly when you have so much of it. They wound up coordinating the entire house's sale from afar, with their realtor being the only person who came around to show the house. Once it was time for them to move, some relatives of theirs came around and packed everything up and loaded it into a truck.

Also, I was right, based on my recordings alone Henry wasn't taken from their custody, but DCF did get involved. I heard from their family that came around to pack up their shit though that Karen & Bill did wind up losing custody of him. They didn't say much as to why, but they basically implied that the abuse ramped up a lot after everything went down between me and Karen & Bill (which is the only part I feel guilty about, but in the end I hope this is a situation where the end justifies the means), at which point DCF was already sniffing around, so they wound up losing custody of him anyways. I've no idea where Henry wound up, but wherever he is I obviously have nothing against him and I hope he winds up in a much better situation than he was.

Finally, I will say, for two such inordinately obtuse and disgusting human beings, they had surprisingly decent family members. The few times I ran into them and made small talk when they were around they were pretty apologetic about the whole thing. I got the impression that this isn't the first time they're apologizing on Karen & Bill's behalf. I hope Henry is taken in by one of them, and not chucked into the foster system. Here's hoping, kid.

(source) story by (/u/dorkofthesnorkelkind)

#prorevenge #by /u/dorkofthesnorkelkind #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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tracyk13 · 4 years

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36 and what a world I have seen

Honestly I’ve been terrible at journalling lately. Love handwriting in quill and ink style, but my current life leaves me exhausted after work and most of my time spent in education. But currently the Covid-19 pandemic made me consider the important world events I have witnessed.

Born in 1984 I lived in a world of rapidly changing technology but still being forced outside to play. We always had an Apple computer in our house for as long as I can remember. Played the Oregon Trail in black and white, then in color. That was the standard computer game of my childhood. Mom got us Mario Teaches Typing, probably the only “video game” I ever played at that point. AOL was a thing. All those CDs in the mail with updates. I never really got into it, but my twin sister did.

Also a child of the Disney Golden Age of animation. Dramatically influenced my life to the point I went to work for Walt Disney World after college. Still a Disney fanatic to this day.

Apparently my family visited Yellowstone National park (age 4? too young to remember anyway) then not too long after the park had the fire.

Was alive though not conscious of world events when the Berlin Wall fell. Watch the birth of CNN during the first Desert Storm when my dad was there overseeing some of the first drone flights. The military required a pilot on hand for those flights. He told us later how some Iraqis would surrender to the drone plane, not that it was ever one of the ones he supervised. And according to my mom I frequently asked to NOT watch the 24 hour stream of news because it was too depressing and I knew that’s where dad was.

Really started to pay attention to news (not that l enjoyed it but that’s the timeline for how chidden develop) during the O.J. Simpson trial.

By that point I had lived on both coasts of the USA, crossed country twice, lived in many different environments from Washington’s cold wet seasons to California’s deserts California’s coast to landlocked suburbia of Georgia.

Where I learned to drive, had a single Nokia phone for me and my twin in our tiny Cabrio convertible (I hate convertibles). Got a personal computer for the first time, where before it was a single family computer. The iMacs were coming out right when we were heading to college. My sister got the desktop, I got the laptop and have never looked back. Still have my gumstick shuffle iPod floating around and it still works.

Got to watch the insanity of Indecision 2000 and appreciate political humor for the first time.

I’ve been to 9 different schools for 12 years of school, not including college. That would make it ten. Was a freshman in high school when the Columbine shootings happened. Some weeks later we had a pipe bomb threat at our school which forced all the students out to the football field. From the top of the bleachers we could see the bomb squad and their dogs entering the school. All I could think of was if someone really wanted to kill at lot of people, there on the bleachers would be the place to do it. Then at some point in my adult life someone did it at a movie theater showing The Dark Knight.

Saw the images of the Oklahoma City bombing. Heard about the Unabomber. Watched the Waco Texas incident.

But my senior year was the time of 9/11. My math class was out in the hallway doing a math related science type experiment, can’t tell you what it was. But that day was the only day I have ever heard a school of nearly 5,000 students absolutely silent during class change. Thus Desert Storm part two happened.

Right before I headed off to college. So I wasn’t super savvy about applying to colleges. I only applied to one. Didn’t have a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve done a wide variety of sports, been writing fiction since at least 10 years old, drew and painted fairly well, thought about doing animation or architecture (did a semester learning thing with a local firm, decided it wasn’t for me).

Ended up getting a degree in two foreign languages but not fluent in either. It did greatly improve my understanding of the English language. And I had the privilege of an exchange program for a school year to Japan, plus of study abroad summer to Germany. Would never regret any of that. Even if it didn’t get me a degree that got me a job.

Instead I went to Disney World as part of their internship program. Been in foods and hospitality for a significant portion of my life (thus far). Loved working there. Got to work with the Characters and it was fabulous. Even with the frustrations of all work environments.

But it couldn’t last. Minimum wage was raised, but the cost of living out stripped the earnings for a single person living alone. Prompting a move back home with parents to get another degree. Then the Housing bubble burst, loans defaulted, mortgage crisis, resulting in the Great Recession. It did get me a house in my name but basically an income property for my mom as her inheritance from my grandmother. All the while I’m going to school to be a nurse.

Now let’s not forget about the many weather crises I’ve witnessed via the news. Hurricanes Katrina, Sandy, Harvey, Maria to name the ones I easily remember. The Class 5 tornado that wiped out a midwestern town. The volcano in Iceland rerouting planes. The tsunami in Indonesia and Sumatra. The massive earthquake in Haiti. These are only the ones that easily come to mind without researching what happened during the years I’ve been alive.

Not to mention the diseases that I’ve seen via the news. First to mind was the Ebola outbreak while I was in nursing school. Saw the hype on the Swine Flue, SARS, Avian flu to name a few easily remembered. Those never reached me personally. Now it’s Covid-19 unfolding. Called SARS-CoV-19 now, but that later.

But its not all disasters. Went to the Atlanta Centennial Olympics still have the t-shirt. Was alive during the first black president.

Took part in the massive phenomena that was Harry Potter and still love it to this day. It showed me that fiction/fantasy could be a mainstream genre to write for. I started writing FanFiction at that time to fill in the long spaces between books. Started when fan fiction.net had the 7or 8 main characters to choose from for tagging. It was like the Wild West of figuring out what you were about to read. Learned about Slash, yaoi, lemons and such the hard way. But being exposed to it that way did open my eyes to what goes on in other people’s heads. Knew immediately that just because I didn’t like something didn't mean I had to hate on it. I left it alone once found and kept going. Really helped increase my tolerance to other cultures and thoughts.

Met my best friend on a role playing site and we wrote nonstop during our college years. Went to her wedding, have a lovely Renaissance style dress as a bridesmaid gift. Still am in touch with her. We don’t write together any more as we have moved in our lives with adulting. But I still have all those stories and hope to turn them into something.

Had my first camera cell phone in Japan as just a basic free phone. Was shocked to find cameras in the States were not standard. One of my friends in Japan kept doing selfies before they were called selfies. Blind positioning of the camera for pictures. Then came the iPhone and the world never looked back.

Joined Facebook when it required a college email. Used MSN messenger and Yahoo messenger to communicate with people around the world. Didn’t join the Twitter or Tumblr movement until after they became established. Saw the boom and bust of the Dot.Com bubble. Watched the Dow Jones numbers increase without the income to invest the way they said to.

Lived right above the poverty line during the Recession. Not knowing if I could make it the next month. Never being able to claim poverty on the tax forms. Caught in the income dead space of not being able to afford health insurance from the markets but in a state that didn’t allow for Medicaid expansion.

But I do not have the worry now thankfully.

Jobs wise I’ve been a telemarketer, dishwasher, a line cook, a hostess, server, janitor, assistant manager, and now I’m a nurse. I started on med/surg, ED, Cardiac, and ICU. In a small rural hospital getting smaller in a time when rural were shutting down because of no funding. They serve areas with a high rates of unemployment, uninsured, drug and alcohol abuse.

Worked at a busier hospital were no bed was left empty. Sicker patients. Work in a mid-size place. Some days super busy, some slower.

Covid-19 had the affect of somehow doing both. First few days was almost empty, now it fluctuates. Mostly rule outs. And the protocols are changing hourly which makes life frustrating for us. It’s the constant unspoken threat of going into work not knowing if you’ll have the right equipment to do the job. I’m not scared of the virus itself, not even of the collapse of the economy. I’m scared of the surge that will put my coworkers at risk.

I live alone (my little sister lives with me now) so very little contact with others. But they have kids and a much closer physical distance to their older parents. I know I will add days to my weeks if they have to stay out for any length of time.

So this is the first time a world event as truly affected me. It is a terrifying time which prompted this summary of my life so far.

I went into a restaurant and saw no one. I never thought I’d see that day. I don’t want people to loose their income, but if people were to go about their daily activities we would loose so many in one go. All I can do is my job.

The more I watch the more depressed and stressed. At work is worse.

I’m teaching myself a new craft because of this. I have taken up leather working to make masks. It helps the creativity outlet. I started drawing class early in 2020 and was set to continue drawing and add painting when the social distancing started. I admit it felt overblown in the beginning. Now the numbers are changing rapidly and we are really seeing what happens in close communities. Just keep working. It’s part of life now. No matter how much if feels like a movie plot line.

But back to other things I’ve seen.

LGTBQA and others coming into the forefront of society. Saw legalization of gay marriage. Quite thrilled with that.

Didn’t hear the term Asexual in reference to a sexual preference until my early 20s. Immediately recognized similar stories to me. Never had an interest in sex or having a partner. A name did make things more relatable, but I will never fully understand people who seem to base their entire existence on their sexual preference.

I’ve been call sir many times based on how I dress. I still sound like a female. Can’t fault anyone for using the appropriate pronoun for what they see in front of them. But that’s a culture that’s growing. Preferred pronouns. But I have to admit that an online friend referred to me as “they” despite a lady being in my username and it felt nice. So in honor of the Special Snowflake term that floated around, I’m an nonbinary aromantic asexual. Probably with a fem-romanitic leaning.

Saw the rise of the Millennials. I’m caught between Gen X and the Millennials. Now that all the Millennials are of age to vote, perhaps change is underway?

I’m back in college for my 3rd and then 4th degree. In nursing. Online. Watching the world combat a virus.

A US that is split down the middle politically. A world with more pollution problems than we can handle. Governments preferring to coverup mistakes and corruption than help their citizens. The term Public Servant is obviously not taken seriously in some places. See Flint, MI and their water. Lobbyists creating bills that benefit corporations rather than people. Politicians that never retire and keep getting lucrative reelection donations from those very corporations.

The rise of narcotic drug use, prescription drugs. Pill mills.

Sex scandals taking center stage in the news rather than things that actually affect daily life. Among things I will never understand is the fear of Transgender women in the women’s restrooms when it was always a straight conservative man who was the center of all these sex scandals.

Asexual brain at work. I simply do not understand. Conclusion: If you look like a certain gender, you’ll most often be treated as that gender.

What I do miss were the kid shows and cartoons in the 90s. They were super progressive with great literature themes. I knew the story of some of the greatest classic literature simply by the references in those shows.

Also the era of War on Drug commercials. Recycling promoted.

My favorite: Captain Planet. Not only was it pushing for a cleaner earth it had different nationalities. Stereotypical, but a far better representation than what I am seeing in kids shows today. It was diverse in that multiple skin tones were seen on screen together rather than specific skin tones marketed to that specific demographic. Now I do like how many more cultures are represented, I just want them shown in ways where color and culture is not the primary focus.

It also surged a desire to protect the planet. The knowledge that we need clean water and air. Educational shows like Magic School Bus and Bill Nye explained what is happening in the environment long before Global Warming became political. With the global shut in we see the world cleansing itself.

Now the marijuana legalization issue. No one has died from overdosing on weed. Unlike Alcohol. Yes smoke isn’t good for your health like cigarettes, but the complications are not as prevalent, well studied, or as life threatening with what is known. The disconnect of state legalization and national illegalities is mind blowing. I hope to see that break so we can study it.

Overall I know I have seen a lot of historical events and I hope to live another 36 plus years to see more. 3 decades, the change of a century and the change of the millennia. Y2K hysteria included.

The world is changing. The outcome is unknown. Peace be upon us all.

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doomednarrative · 5 years

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2018: A (Personal) Year in Review

I put off writing in general so much, but I’ve put off this particular post long enough.

And no, this isn’t about the general world or the country. It’s about my personal life, and it’s mainly a vent/personal rambling post, so I’ll put under a read more. If you don’t care to read it, that’s totally fine.

But anyways. Here we go:

2018 was...a fuckin ride, to put it in simplest terms.

For those who are new and unaware, lemme briefly bring you up to speed about the end of 2017 for me, cause it’s important to the context of this entire thing:

December 17th of 2017, when I was on my third day home for Christmas break from college, I packed a backpack, and I left my dad and stepmom’s house for good.

Their house had been abusive for years, and my mental health was in the absolute tank in college. I was feeling casually suicidal and had a full on breakdown about having to come home for winter break. After a fight I got into that night with my stepmom after she found me texting some friends on Discord (which I wasn’t supposed to have, even tho I was almost 19 and an adult at the time,) she got Pissed, and so did I. I had finally had a group of friends who supported me and helped me out so much, and I didn’t want to loose them. And I couldn’t stand the abuse, the treatment of me like I was a child with no privacy or personal autonomy, the constant pushing for me to date my one long time friend and to be straight, or my parent’s inability to accept me as their son and not their daughter any longer.

I was given a choice, and told if I decided to leave, I wasn’t welcome back. A few months before, my best friend had said that their parents had a safe space for me to go if I ever needed it. They had been aware of how bad some things had been with my parents and feared for the worst, so they offered me a home if it came down to that. And that night, it came down to that choice.

I packed one backpack of stuff I was allowed to bring (solely because it was stuff I bought) and I walked to my friends mom’s house, and by the next morning, I was at her dad’s house, safe and sound.

2018 became the year of learning how to be an adult in a house that treated me as one, and in a house that didn’t put my personal safety and mental health in danger.

2018 was...well, it was simultaneously the worst and best year of my life.

Early on, I could tell my parents weren’t going to let my off easy for leaving. My mom wasn’t a problem, she had been out of my life for almost two years at that point, and hadn’t attempted to make contact with me for a long time.

But my dad and my stepmom? Oh, they were determined to make my life as bas as they could while not being physically around me.

First thing they did? They tried to take all of my possessions from my dorm at college without my knowledge, because they thought that They owned that stuff. I only found this out because I called the college to formally drop out and ask when I could pick up my stuff, and they informed me my parents were already planning on picking up my stuff for me.

Me and my now adoptive parents ended up making an impromptu trip, four hours up and four hours back, that night to my college campus to make sure that I could get my possessions before they could. And we were successful.

Next thing my dad did to screw me over after moving out?

That bastard stole about 700$ from a joint bank account I had with him to use for college. That was money I earned from about 7 months of work at my summer food truck job. And he took it because he legally could since it was a joint account, and didn’t tell me. i found out when I went into the bank to withdraw that money and open a separate account.

So I was starting off the year with already some setbacks.

Thankfully, I Was able to replace my birth certificate and social security card relatively easily, so that was in my favor at least.

Then, come my birthday on January 26 last year, I got a letter. Two letters to be specific. One from my stepmom, and one from my dad.

Both were full of manipulation and guilt tripping language and just. Gaslighting and more emotional abuse. They had somehow gotten my address from when I had set up my separate bank account and changed my information in the bank system. And they decided to send me abusive shit as a birthday present.

I’m not gonna lie, it hurt a lot.

They continued to try to do stuff like that. They called me multiple times from different numbers, they called police on my adoptive family to say that I was crazy and that my parents were like. concerned for my safety because i had blocked their phone numbers after the first two phone calls. They texted me from different numbers, just. A lot of different bullshit.

February was the first time I saw my dad since leaving. I had gone to a screening of Love Simon, as it was really important to me, and somehow thru some stalkery methods, he knew i was there and he confronted me in the theater lobby after the film. (When I asked how he found me there, his answer was ‘I have my ways.’ I never posted about this encounter when it originally happened.)

He proceeded to be transphobic to me in public, demeaning me and humiliating me in front of everyone in the theater, told me I was the reason my siblings were now in therapy (which is a lie, my brother was already in therapy for anxiety long before I left), calling me crazy, telling my adoptive mother that I “needed help” and that “she’ll outstay her welcome.” He said a lot of awful things, and eventually I left the theatre in tears after screaming at him that I was his son and that this shit was why I left in the first place, and that he should go fuck himself.

Thankfully, I didn’t see him for months afterword, not til october, right before I left my retail job that he and my stepmom found out I worked at. I saw my stepmom three times at that job, once with my siblings (which is the only time I’ve seen them since leaving and that was. Very hard to deal with and a very emotional time), and twice without my siblings. The times she came without them, she was an absolute fucking asshole to me, still spewing her abusive rhetoric about how I was in the wrong for leaving, and how my father did nothing wrong when he saw me in February.

She and my father only left me alone after I told them that I would not get into an argument while I was on the clock, and that if they didn’t leave I’d call the store security guard.

After that, they haven’t done anything else. Yet. We’ll see what 2019 holds.

But, aside from the bullshit with my parents, 2018 had its other ups and downs. More ups than downs, but it still had it’s rough moments.

I got a job in early May as a sales associate/cashier/fitting room attendant for a well known Coat Factory chain store.

That job was pure fuckin hell, and I’m glad I don’t work there anymore. The last week that I was supposed to work there before leaving for my new job, I got pulled into the side office by the manager on duty (she wasn’t an actual manager, she just had closing priviledges) and she Screamed at me about how a customer complained about me, she hated me, my coworkers all hated me, all three of my managers hated me, and how she was tired of my attitude and how she couldn’t wait til I was fuckin gone. The whole issue that night had started because of her and how she couldn’t properly communicate to me where she wanted me to be that night and what duties she wanted me handling. She took out her frusteration at her own mistakes on me, and I had had enough. I stood my ground with her and didn’t let her walk all over me, but I went home that night, bawled for about two hours because being yelled at is a trigger for me, and she had been all in my personal space like she was going to hit me, and then I emailed my general manager the next day and told her she could replace me for my last two shifts and I wouldn’t be coming in for them.

I haven’t stepped foot in that goddamned store since I left that night.

I have a different job now. I work as an overnight personal care assistant at a nursing home, but it’s a higher end one, and it’s not bad. It can be stressful and super draining at times, but enviornmentally its a better job than the retail one ever was, so it’s good.

My mental health has been a wild ride as well. I won’t get into the full details here, but let just say that uh. I’m 99% sure that I’m both ADHD and autistic, and I’m thinking I have some form of ptsd as well from years of trauma shit. I’m not suicidal anymore, but I have bouts of depression and anxiety and sometimes anger that last for days to weeks at a time. It’s...rough, to say the least. And dysphoria doesn’t help any of that.

But I’m alive and fighting, and that’s the important part.

Not everything this year has been bad tho. There’s been a fair amount of good too, and I’m greatful for it.

December 23rd I celebrated my first year aniversary with @curious-corvids, and i couldn’t be happier about that. He��s been there thru this Entire ride, and he’s been such a positive force in my life, and I hope to keep him around for years to come.

Similarly, March 18th this year will be my one year aniversary with @sinclair-solutions, and that I’m immensely happy about as well. They’re such a wonderful person and just. i’m very lucky to have them, I really am. they’ve also been here thru everything, and I could never thank then enough for that.

I made some friends in the past few months that I can’t imagine what my days would be like without them in it. Kathy, Jay, Fi, and Evan are such great people, and I’m lucky to have them around.

I got the chance to meet Ren, Lu and Erin in person for the first time at DragonCon, and went to both my first comic convention and my first out of state trip alone with them, and it was honestly the best five days of my life. I can’t wait to do that again with them this year.

I’ve been steadily improving at art this year and took commissions for the first time, and that’s been a very fun thing to do.

I’m actually able to like. Afford to buy things for myself and spend my money without interferance, and thats such a change from how my parents used to control my finances.

Overall 2018 was just..a wild ride.

2019 is sure to bring better things. With luck this month, I should be starting the process of legally changing my name, and that will be a very freeing thing to do.

I turn 20 on January 26th, and just.

I didn’t think I’d actually make it to 20. That’s a personal milestone for me, to have made it this far.

Whatever this new year brings tho, here’s to hoping it goes better than 2018.

Here’s to hoping I’m better this year than I was last year.

#me talking #vent #rambling #this took a lot out of me to write so...good for me for finally doing it.

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5hfanfiction · 6 years

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The Last Person You Love - Chapter 1

Summary:

It started at a coffee shop, as all cliché love stories do.

Despite it being mid-September, remnants of summer’s heat still lingered for a few hours a day before the crisp air from the fog took over. It was typical San Francisco - one moment the sun would be shining and all of a sudden a blank white sheet was covering the sky. Camila worked downtown near the Bay and, from her view from the hospital windows, she would often admire how rays of sunlight reflected off the water and skyscrapers to highlight the bridge connecting the city and Treasure Island. As she would bike back to her apartment through nearly sky-high hills, Camila’s lungs heaved for oxygen and would be relieved when the fog rolled in to cool down the sweat falling down her face.

She lived in the western part of the city - opposite the Financial district where all the booming tech companies were taking over and where tourists scoured for the best clam chowder near Union Square. She lived in the residential area by the ocean and just a ten minute bike ride to the beach - although, it was nothing in comparison to the beaches back in her hometown, Miami. Ocean Beach’s sand was too coarse and - as ridiculous as this may sound - the Pacific Ocean just felt different from the Atlantic. It was not as warm and the water against her skin did not feel as smooth. Nonetheless, she still loved it. It was one of her favorite places in the city. She and her best friend, Dinah, often found themselves there, playing reggae and entertaining themselves with a few joints because it was San Francisco and smoking weed in public was as common as wearing headphones on public transportation.

After graduating from New York University three months ago, Camila returned to San Francisco to be with her mother, Sinuhe, and younger sister, Sofia. The three of them moved to the city after Camila’s father died from lung cancer the summer before her freshman year of high school. He was an architect for houses along the coast and, after he died, their home simply felt like a house. So they packed their things and moved to the first job offering Sinu got, which was not too hard considering she was one of the nation’s most renowned cardiothoracic surgeons.

The whole situation was overwhelming for Camila - one moment she was saw her dad take his final breath in a hospital bed and the next moment she was in the middle seat of a plane, admiring Sofi admire the window view from their high altitude. However, San Francisco did her well. She cannot explain it, but it helped her grow in more ways than she believed she would have had she stayed in Miami.

They went from a three-story mansion with a backyard the size of a park to a two-bedroom townhome that was half the size of their previous home, yet double the cost. Camila took the bus every day to her high school, which she had to apply to despite being a public school rather than being assigned by proximity to her home. Her school emphasized service learning and critical diversity, and the foreign language department offered various languages rather than just Spanish. Their field trips were to community centers, museums and gardens, and tech headquarters in Silicon Valley. Camila loved Miami for its rich Cuban culture and laid-back aura, but San Francisco always offered something new. There were endless opportunities and so much autonomy to navigate self-discovery, which is what Camila needed after losing her father.

San Francisco made her realize she was a city girl and, ultimately, made the transition to study in New York City not as overwhelming than if she had moved straight from Miami. At NYU, Camila studied Global Public Health and Science with a track in Biology - her goal being to follow in her mother’s footsteps and be a doctor, too. Maybe not surgery because Camila wanted to form relationships with patients and be part of their lives - not just seeing them once or twice, and saying goodbye after that. Her dream was to foster her passion for underserved healthcare and social justice through comprehensive and compassionate care to long-term patients.

Since Camila finished her undergraduate studies in three years, Sinu let her daughter take a gap year to apply for medical school and gain clinical experience during what would have been Camila’s fourth and final year of college. Through her mother’s connections, Camila was able to get an internship at the hospital Sinu practiced at. Camila was a medical scribe, which was a fancy term for “personal assistant to her mother, who she could not call her mother in front of patients, so basically she was Dr. Cabello’s bitch, which really was not any different than from when she was living home.” Her main responsibility was charting her mother’s interactions with patients, documenting all important notes from their discussions. The job is perfect for her considering she spent most of her high school years typing away her feelings on the Internet. Sinu used to always take away her laptop when she was a teenager because she spent “too much time staring at a screen” and, now, Camila loves to rub in her mother’s face that her word-per-minute count can keep up with how fast Sinu talks thanks to all her tweets and Tumblr posts.

With her mom being her supervisor, though, Camila’s hours were lenient - mostly because her mother dismiss her early to pick Sofi up from her middle school and take her to all her extracurriculars. In between piano lessons and soccer practice, Camila often found herself waiting for her younger sister at her favorite coffee shop near Golden Gate Park. The coffee shop was just another hole in the wall, but she loved its minimalist interior design, fairy-light-adorned patio, and lavender white chocolate mocha. She has been going to this place since she had to study for the SAT. However, with her studying in New York, she never considered herself a regular until she moved back home after graduation. She spent all summer working on her medical school application and published article about her undergraduate research on educational neuroscience, but, now, with both submitted, Camila was able to actually enjoy the ambience of the charming coffee shop.

Taking a break from watching YouTube videos on how to properly water succulents, Camila looked up from her screen to sip her mocha and take in all that was around her. There was a table of three adults in business suits, talking animatedly about the stacks of papers next to their mugs. A woman was breastfeeding her baby as her toddler was playing with the banana bread in front of her. Camila’s eyes scanned the room when they stopped to soak in what had to be the most beautiful being Camila had ever laid her eyes on.

The woman was dressed casually - faint jeans and a white tank top partially covered by a black leather jacket that matched the raven hair twirled halfway down her back. The look was so simple, but Camila could not help but squint her eyes to try and focus on the woman standing in line a few feet away from her table. The mystery woman was texting fervently and her left foot tapped with what Camila assumed to be annoyance. Every few seconds, the woman would let out a long sigh or run her fingers through her hair - both of which were only noticeable to Camila, who tried to hide her gawking behind her laptop and mug.

She could hardly hear what the woman had ordered when she stepped in front of the cashier, but Camila could make out raspy mumbles that intrigued her even more. She looked around her table for an excuse to get up and quickly stuffed the rest of her croissant in her mouth so she could bring her empty plate to the bar. This was her idea of flirting: Sneaking glances at a distracted woman with her mouth too full to even talk. Camila gave a tight-lipped smile to the barista as she finished chewing and swallowed in time to turn around to face the stunning woman waiting for her drink. The woman looked up from her phone to meet Camila’s eyes and it was as if time stopped for a moment.

Camila blushed for having been caught staring, but managed to give a small smile before scurrying back to her table without looking back. The woman stood perplexed at the elegant features of the other woman, wishing she was able to admire more before she basically ran back to her table. Her breath caught at her throat and she was not brought back to reality until her order was called out. She grabbed her dirty chai latte and glanced back at the tables to try and see the woman’s face once more before she had to go to work. Her eyes landed on the woman, but was only able to see the white bow clipped at the top of her light brown hair as she was looking down to write some notes.

The raven-haired woman smiled at how simple yet cute the other woman looked and left the coffee shop knowing it was going to be a good day.

Still catching her breathing after her bike ride from work, Camila entered her apartment to find Dinah sulking on their couch with a bowl of ice cream and “Moana” playing.

“Rough day?”

“I miss Mani,” Dinah looked at her best friend and pouted.

Camila simply rolled her eyes at how dramatic her best friend was being. Dinah was so in love with her girlfriend, Normani, that she could not even handle a few days without the older woman. Normani had left just the night before to visit her family and best friend, Ally, back in Texas and Dinah has been acting like a complete baby ever since.

“It hasn’t even been 24 hours, Cheech.”

“You don’t understand!” Dinah threw a pillow at Camila. “What’s the point of living without her by my side?!”

“Okay, calm down, Juliet,” Camila sat down on the couch and instantly rested her head on Dinah’s shoulder. “Put the dagger away and just go FaceTime your girl.”

“I can’t. I know she’s having fun and I don’t want to take away time from her family and friends. I just feel so empty, you know?” Dinah sighed and leaned her head against her best friend’s. “Please tell me something interesting that happened today so I can distract myself.”

Camila thought about her day. She just finished a brutal bike ride because there was some convention that caused traffic along her normal route, so she had to take an alternate that included more hills than usual. Her mother was her typical self and kept pestering Camila to have dinner at their house because Sofi was being like any moody middle schooler. Not that she did not love her younger sister, but Camila knew the last thing Sofi needed was some staged intervention by their mother. Sometimes, things just sucked and you needed to be a bitch.

Nothing about her day was out of the ordinary except for the “flirtatious” moment she had with the stunning woman at the coffee shop earlier in the morning. Was their three-second gaze even considered a moment? Maybe it would have been if Camila had not fled in attempt to hide the flush of red that crawled across her face.

“I don’t know, there was this girl at the coffee shop.”

“A girl?!” Dinah’s head instantly snapped up and she bent her head down to look at her best friend with eager eyes. “Spill!”

Camila sat up and shook her head at the mischievous look on Dinah’s face. She shrugged and mumbled, “It’s nothing. We just looked at each other and I ran away.”

“Ugh, not again, Chancho!” Dinah buried her face in the palms of her hands. She groaned at how awful her best friend was at interacting with anyone she found even slightly attractive.

They have been best friends ever since Camila had initially moved to San Francisco and they ended up living in adjacent townhomes. They hit it off right away despite them going to different high schools - Camila at a randomly assigned public school while Dinah went to a private performing arts school on the opposite side of the park. Their families got close as Dinah’s parents always welcomed Camila and Sofi into their homes when Sinu had a night shift, and Camila tutored Dinah in basically every subject except Dance and Music Theory.

With Camila not being the one to really go out and Dinah always getting stuck babysitting her younger siblings and cousins, the two of them basically spent every moment with each other outside of school. They maintained their friendship via constant texting and daily FaceTime sessions while Camila studied at NYU and Dinah stayed in San Francisco to become a dance instructor at the children’s dance studio a few blocks down from their homes. When Camila returned from New York, she knew she would go absolutely insane if she moved back home on top of already working every day with her mother, so she proposed to Dinah that they live together.

It really was not hard to convince the younger woman to move out of her family’s small townhome with twenty other people.

Their two-bedroom apartment was just five bus stops away from their families, but it was enough for them to feel somewhat independent and in their 20’s. They were able to finish a bottle of wine on a weeknight and not have their mothers scold them for displaying borderline concerning alcoholic tendencies. They rolled and smoked on their fire escape after a rough day - much more convenient than when they would have to sneak out in high school to light a joint at the neighborhood park. They did not have to be second mothers to the little kids running around their homes. They were able to simply enjoy being out of school and somewhat adulting.

Normani lived with them, too, but, with her working at a major tech company as one of the best computer engineers, she went on several business trips to the company’s other offices - from Seattle and Chicago, to Shanghai and Berlin. You would think with all the business trips the older woman has gone on, Dinah would be used to her absence, but it seemed that the younger woman’s separation anxiety only got worse with each trip. Sometimes, Dinah would be so miserable that Camila sucked up her pride and put on the tightest dress she owned just to take her best friend out clubbing.

Camila may not be able to dance, but her ass was big enough to not have to do much and still have guys fighting over her. She cannot lie and say it did not boost her ego to watch extremely desperate guys gawk at her as she tried to sway her hips the way Dinah so effortlessly did. There would always be a few handsy guys who would grab her waist from behind and try to slam their boners against her, but “D” in “Dinah” basically stood for “Dick Deflector."

The younger woman never let a guy get their way with her best friend - always shoving them away and grabbing Camila to dance with. Sometimes, Dinah would push Camila against a wall and grind on the older woman just so no guy could get at Camila from the front or back. Sometimes, Dinah would hold Camila from behind and bend her down just to make it clear that her best friend’s Cuban ass was off limits. It was hot for most guys to watch and, honestly, if they were not practically sisters, it would really look like Camila and Dinah had something going on between them. Normani would murder her girlfriend in a heartbeat if Dinah ever danced with anyone the way she did on Camila. The two best friends just worked - there was no other way to explain it. They balanced each other out, always had each other’s backs, and never failed to have the times of their lives together.

So, when Camila admitted she ran away from a girl at the coffee shop, Dinah was not surprised, considering the older woman always ran off to the bathroom whenever someone tried to pick her up at a bar or club. Camila was not experienced with intimacy and romance. In high school, she "dated” a basketball player, Austin, for less than a month before he dumped her because she denied his sexual advances. During her three years of college, Camila only went to a total of seven parties - only four of which she got drunk at and only two of those four instances did she drunkenly kiss someone. She gave Shawn a quick peck on the lips as a rule for King’s Cup and she hooked up with Hailee after she took a body shot from the girl’s cleavage. The girl took Camila to an empty room and showed her what is was like to be with a woman, being the first person to ever see Camila in such a vulnerable state. Camila did not regret having sex for the first time with Hailee, but, prior to their hook up, Camila never considered the thought of being attracted to girls. She always thought girls were pretty and felt more comfortable around them than with guys, but, after experiencing the sheer bliss and passion with Hailee, Camila could not help but think that maybe she was only attracted to guys because that was expected of her and being with a girl was what she truly desired.

This reveal was not surprising to Dinah, who always noticed how flustered her best friend got around boys and caught Camila staring at the cheerleaders more so than the football players when they would go to Friday night games back in high school. She did not care how her best friend identified - all Dinah cared about was that Camila found someone deserving. This was hard to determine when Camila could hardly even flirt. If a decently looking guy tried to converse with her, Camila would stutter and make some excuse about having to pick up her younger sister. Whenever a pretty girl passed by her, which was all the time because women are just so effortlessly beautiful, Dinah would have to physically close Camila’s mouth for her. The younger woman has tried to teach her best friend the basics, but Camila always froze in the moment and resorted to what she knew best: Running off to be by herself.

“I really tried this time, I swear!”

Dinah crossed her arms and gave her an incredulous look. “How?”

“Okay, so I was learning how to take care of succulents, which is much more complicated than you would think, and then I saw her,” Camila stood up to reenact the morning. “She was standing in line on her phone like this and I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something!’ So I did what I thought was the best thing to do in that moment and shoved half a ham and cheese croissant just so I could give the plate to the barista at the bar, where the girl was standing, waiting for her drink.”

Dinah’s mouth hung open at how ridiculous her best friend was, but she let Camila continue.

“When I turned around to go back to my table, our eyes met and holy shit! Dinah, her eyes! Her eyes were like, fuck, I don’t know how to explain it!”

“What color were they?”

“They were green, but not just green!”

“Oh, so like hints of blue?”

“No, no, no,” Camila shook her head furiously as she paced back and forth in front of the TV. “It’s not as simple as that. They were so full. I don’t know how to explain it except that it felt like magic and bliss and warmth and eternity! We looked at each other and time stopped and I felt a rush of comfort take over me as if I have been scouting the universe for centuries and finally found my home.”

When she stopped her movements and looked at Dinah, whose eyes were as wide as saucers, Camila shook her head in frustration at how she could not fathom into words how gorgeous this mystery woman was. She knew she sounded crazy, but, of everyone she has encountered - from Mexico, Cuba, Miami, San Francisco, and New York City - this woman was surreal. You know how everyone has a celebrity crush or that dream person that stars in every fantasy? This woman blew every face imaginable for Camila. Camila did not even understand how a face so perfect could exist - it had to be chiseled by God himself and topped with Midas’ touch.

After moments of silence, Camila plopped face first back into the couch and groaned into the cushions as her best friend rubbed her back.

“Oh, honey…” Dinah cooed. “Should I pop open the red or white?”

“White."

A/N:

This is going to be a very long story… Get ready for an agonizing slow burn…

I hope you enjoyed - thanks for reading!

Wattpad: nodustollens7

#UPDATE #series #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #humour #romance fluff #submission #The Last Person You Love

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end-o-the-line · 7 years

Text

A Captain America: the First Avenger Timeline for Fic Writers

(I’m so sorry I erased the original post I’M SO SORRY! You can read this without the visual aids on AO3.)

March 10, 1917 - James Buchanan Barnes is born, and we were all officially fucked.

July 4, 1918 - Steven Grant Rogers is born, and somewhere in Brooklyn Bucky's mother wept . . .

June, 1924 - Steve's mother is bedridden from illness associated with Tuberculosis.

September, 1930 - 12-year old Steve and 13-year old Bucky meet for the first time in Hell's Kitchen, where Bucky scares off bullies trying to steal Steve's money. What were they doing in Hell's Kitchen? No one knows. Steve tells Bucky he's been living in the orphanage 'on 8th' since his mother's death. Which is odd since Bucky was apparently at her funeral when they're both legal adults in a flashback scene from the Winter Soldier. For the purpose of this timeline, info from the movies will take precedent over info from the various tie-ins. Meaning Sarah Rogers is basically Schrödinger's Ma for the next 6 years.

1936 - Shrodinger's Ma finally actually dies fo sho of Tuberculosis. Bucky breaks everyone and their mother's heart with his 'til the end of the line' line. (Also, per MCU canon, Bucky's 'folks' are still alive . . . and own a car.)

February ish, 1940 - Colonel Phillips first approaches Howard Stark, in Los Angeles, about working for the SSR. (Stark Industries was formed in 1939, and 'a year later' Howard is at a nightclub in West Hollywood called Ciro's, demonstrating the properties of Vibranium. Ciro's opened in January of 1940. So keeping in line with the MCU canon and with real world history, as you do, January 1940 is the absolute earliest that Howard could have been recruited.) They're pursued and Stark deploys rockets from the ass-end of his car to escape them because Howard Stark.

Agent Margaret "Peggy" Carter, aka Agent 13 is already in deep cover working for Schmidt as a maid in his personal mansion.

November, 1940 - Peggy rescues Dr. Erskine from Schmidt's mansion two days after Johann Schmidt forces him to inject the experimental serum, proving that we all could have saved a lot of time if Peggy had done that three fucking days earlier, Jesus.

May 25, 1941 - Steve goes to the Dodgers-Phillies game at Ebbets Field. Was Bucky with him? We don't fucking know. It was a Sunday, so maybe. It’s not like Steve knew other people . . .

December 7, 1941 - Steve and Bucky are in an art class - like . . . how can anyone write these two as dirt poor when they're fucking around on their Sundays at baseball games and art classes? By this point the economy was booming as the work force was being drafted left and right, these two would not have been in need of jobs. And two Irish-Catholics (honestly, Bucky is probably Scottish, lbr) skipping church? tsk tsk - when the class is informed by a runner that Pearl Harbor has been attacked.

Okay real talk here, for a second. The draft officially started in 1940, pulling men 21 years of age and older. In 1940, Bucky was 23. He was single, no kids. He absolutely could not have given conscientious objector status as a way to avoid it because if he had, when he was drafted later on he never would have seen combat. He should have been drafted in '40 or '41. The only reasons he wouldn't have been was if he was a student, or if both his parents and/or his siblings were considered his dependents. Since some sources say both Bucky and Steve were orphans, then it is entirely plausible that both Bucky's parents died close to the time Bucky turned 19 or 20, in which case he could have become the legal guardian of his younger siblings.

PS: Bucky is not an orphan in the MCU (nor is he poor in that suit, jfc):

So either Bucky was working like a damn dog supporting his family, in which case the fuck are you doing in an art class, kiddo? Or he was actually a student at a college or university.

.....he could also have, during the years the US was gearing up in case they were forced into the conflict, held a job that was considered vital to the coming war effort. This sort of deferment was limited to jobs in war production, and jobs that involved national 'health, safety, or interest'. Literally the only job I can think of without actually like . . . researching it, that Bucky could have been in where he would have been skipped the first few times but taken in '42, is if he had been a police officer. That would fit very well with his ability with a gun, plus explain why he made sergeant so fucking fast, with prior training other inductees would not have had.

Considering what a golden child Bucky was in Brooklyn, all three of those scenarios would be a perfectly valid reason for Bucky to have avoided the first several waves of conscription. Just thought that was interesting.

Anyway! Steve wants to enlist right away, so Bucky (a three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champion, suck it) trains him for two whole weeks because Bucky is apparently of the opinion that Steve is an idiot who won't get in anyway so why fucking bother going hard.

*at the time, under the regulations of the New York State Athletic Commission, welterweight was a weight class of 147 to >160 pounds. Meaning post-war Bucky gained about 40 pounds of pure muscle after getting the serum....dude.

December 24, 1941 - Bucky is right and Steve's first attempt to enlist fails so hard. Go to Midnight Mass, Steven.

March, 1942 - Red Skull fucks shit up in Tønsberg, Norway and finds the Tesseract.

September 21, 1942 - Bucky receives his draft card, and takes it to an intake facility and enlists in the US Army. The following dates are literally nowhere in canon, but I have research to back up what is essentially pure speculation on my part. His serial number is 32557038. There is a real world counterpart who actually had this particular serial number, and he was enlisted on this date. So, in order for Bucky to have gotten to the number before this guy, Bucky probably woke up early Monday morning to get shit done.

Desperate Historian's Note: I always assumed that since he was a Sergeant when he first shipped out, Bucky had been in service for at least a year and a half, which is still pushing it within the constraints of the timeline. Most NCO's at the start of US involvement in the War, Corporals and Sergeants, already had years of Army service under their belts. But no. 9 months. So. Bucky basically kicked ass and took names to become a Sergeant in 9 months of non-combat training (which took place at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin btw). That, or every NCO in his regiment came down with a sudden case of the Deads and he got promoted.....Bucky would have needed a special recommendation from the company commander - TWICE in 9 months - to reach that rank. Jesus. It is canon fact that Bucky was indeed an absolutely phenomenal soldier (and leader) . . .

He would have been sent to basic training and been gone for ten weeks, meaning it would have been over by the 1st of December, 1942, or thereabouts.

December 1, 1942 - Give or take a week or two, maybe, depending on how quickly he was whisked away after enlistment, Bucky would have been given a week's furlough after training at Camp McCoy ended.

December 8, 1942 - Since he is a designated marksman (not a sniper, the US Army didn't have those in WWII. A designated marksman was just a guy in a regiment who was an excellent shot and stuck with their regiment at all times and was used situationally, never went off alone to shoot people in the head and stuff), he absolutely would not have been sent to any sort of sniper training because, again, the US did not have those in WWII. He wouldn't have stayed in NYC, though.

He would have been on an Army base somewhere, with the occasional week-long furlough to return home. There were 114 mobilization camps by 1942, and only three of those in New York state; Madison Barracks, Camp Upton, and Pine Camp, with three more in New Jersey; Fort Dix, Fort Monmouth, and Camp Shanks. 17 were in California, 14 in Texas. Anyway. So, before Bucky leaves for war, he and Steve wouldn't have seen a whole lot of each other for the year before that, either.

June 7, 1943 - Bucky probably arrives in NYC on a final week's furlough before being sent to War. With the way Steve looks at him when he sees the uniform later on, and Bucky's cocky little head tilt, it's probably safe to say Bucky received his sergeant's chevrons not long before this furlough. (Honestly . . . I have never understood this part. Bucky damn well knew he was 107th from the moment he reported, and Steve should have as well. Also, ‘getting his orders’ had nothing to do with his uniform, soldiers were required to wear that shit everywhere they went. Unless Steve knew he’d gotten his orders simply because he was there and shouldn’t have been....whatever, movie exposition, blah blah)

June 14, 1943 - Steve's fifth attempt to enlist fails spectacularly because he had to claim to be from New Jersey. He then goes to get the shit kicked out of him in an alley behind a movie theater, that's what you get for saying you're from Jersey, Steven. He and Bucky attend the Stark Expo that evening, where Steve ghosts like an asshole - even though for all he knows this is literally the last time he will ever see Bucky alive!! - and is chosen by Dr. Erskine as a candidate for Project: Rebirth.

June 15, 1943 - Bucky and the 107th ship out for 'England'. Now, the troop transport Queen Mary left NYC on June 1, 1943, heading for Gourock, Scotland and carrying the 1077th Signal Company Service Group. It took 5 days; they arrived on June 6, 1943. On July 16, 1943, the Edmund B. Alexander carried 5,000 replacement troops to Liverpool, England. That journey took ten days; they made land on July 26, 1943. Maybe. The records are full of literal question marks, so I dunno. That's the closest thing I can find to Bucky's stated journey. Most of the troops leaving from NYC at this period were actually heading for Africa, landing in Casablanca, Morocco.

I know Bucky says he's shipping out for England in the morning, but it makes so much more sense that the 107th would have been sent to Africa and then swept up into Italy in the next four months of fighting, where Steve finds them later. It would be easy to deal with this by either saying Bucky's an idiot, or (my recommendation) that Bucky knew exactly where he was heading and he just wasn't telling Steve that he was being sent into the heart of the brutal African and Italian campaigns rather than a nice balmy Liverpool in the summer. The journey from NYC to Casablanca, Morocco would have been anywhere from 11-15 days.

June 20-25, 1943 - Bucky would have hit Liverpool, England right around this time, if that's the way he was sent.

June 25-30, 1943 - Bucky would have docked in Casablanca, Morocco, if this is the way it went instead. So I guess you could safely say he made landfall in the European Theater on June 25, 1943? Haha right in time for Mussolini to get his ass arrested and the Italian Fascist government to fall.

June 22, 1943 - Steve is injected with the super-soldier serum, right Steven? (Meaning he only had a week of basic training, at most, and everything else he knows about being a soldier he taught himself with all those books he brought to Camp Lehigh with him.)

September, 1943 - Ugh, okay, history nerds cover your ears, because there is just no way to make the real invasion of Italy match up with the MCU invasion of Italy. Unless the 107th just said fuck those guys and marched right into German territory past the . . . bombs and stuff. On September 9, there were Allied landings at Salerno and Taranto, Italy, and they didn’t enter Naples until October 1. I mean, is it really all that shocking that they got their asses kicked in Azzano? NO. But having a fucking USO show that deep into Italy means the MCU said fuck it, so you too can say fuck it when it comes to the real WW2 timeline in Italy, idfc. This is apparently what the MCU lines looked like at this point in time, and let me just tell you, see that bulge there, right under the Hydra flag? Those fuckers would have been surrounded and cut off so fast, so fast, just like in Bastogne. Assholes....anyway.

October, 1943 - The Battle of Azzano results in Hydra declaring war on anything that moves, including Nazis, and takes prisoners from various different regiments that historically were either still in training or in the Pacific Theater at this point, but that's fine. Prisoners are taken over 120 km away to a Hydra weapons factory in Kreischberg, Austria, where their Hydra captors separate the men into cages according to their nationality and other factors. The purpose of this is for the bickering hodgepodge of Allied soldiers to keep each other busy with in-fighting so the Hydra guards can forget to train and get beat up by Captain America in a month or so.

Dum Dum Dugan almost immediately makes a joke while Cage Team Howling Commando is introducing themselves, and a brawl breaks out. As you do.

In Bucky's cage are the following:

Jacques "Frenchie" Dernier, French Resistance, born January 2, 1911 (32). The fuck was your French ass doing in northwestern Italy, son? To my knowledge the French Resistance kind of worked mainly . . . in France. The Italian Resistance was very active in this period, so they could have been collaborating, but that's not what the Resistance did, mostly. So the only logical conclusion we can come to with Frenchie is that he was captured somewhere in France by Hydra and transported to the factory as labor. He lived in Marseilles before the War, and likely would have stayed close to it.

Major James Montgomery "Monty" Falsworth, born January 2, 1914 (29), of the British 3rd Independent Parachute Brigade, which historically first saw action in June of 1944, ha. Anyway, Monty was from Birmingham, England and was known in the comics as Union Jack, and the pin on his beret is a nod to that. Teeeechnically? Monty outranks Steve, but since they're not even part of the same Army, that's kind of a moot point. He winds up with the rank of Brigadier, which wtf, that means he outranked Colonel Phillips when the war ended . . . four for you, Monty.

Private Gabe Jones, born August 14, 1918 (25), was 92nd Infantry Division, a segregated unit that historically first saw action in September of 1944, haha. Gabe was from Macon, Georgia and was fluent in French and German thanks to pre-war studies at Howard University. Just as proficient in hand-to-hand as the others, he was often part of the team’s frontal assaults, as well as handling the radios . . . and he boned Peggy Carter in the comics.

Corporal Timothy 'Dum Dum' Dugan, born April 11, 1912 (31), was a member of the 69th Infantry Regiment, which is also known as the 165th or Fighting Irish, recruited solely from NYC, who were making landfall in the Pacific right about now. Frustrated historian's note: Had he been a real boy, Bucky Barnes would have been enlisted into the 69th Infantry as well, just like Dugan. Canon-wise it makes sense that Bucky and Dugan were from the same unit, even though canon thinks they weren't because canon made up the WWII-era 107th? Anyway, the fact that both Dugan and Bucky were in the same foxhole when the Hydra tank hits in the cut scene from First Avenger is all fucked up because you don't put your NCOs where they can be blown up together, okay. It's bad strategy. Add to that the fact that Dugan calls him Bucky like they've been buddies for a while, but the tie-in comic is still on 'Jimmy' and also states that Dugan and Barnes were in the same company after all, that cut scene is frustrating. Or I guess the comic is frustrating? Something's frustrating, anyway. I think the best way to deal with this is just to say that the 107th IS the Fighting Irish regiment because fuck it. Dugan will eventually take over leading the team when Steve goes splat, leading the Howling Commandos and being involved with SHIELD, and Nick Fury personally, well into the Cold War.

Private Jim Morita, born October 20, 1919 (24) - also, Happy Birthday here's a Hydra weapon NOW ASSEMBLE IT - wasn't in the same cage as the others, but he served in the US Army's Nisei Squadron as a Ranger, aka the 442nd Regimental Combat Team. Their real fight in the European Theater began in June of 1944, so who the fuck knows how his ass wound up in Austria. And since the whole unit was made up of men of Japanese descent, it's safe to assume there's a 50/50 chance Morita was given the choice back in Fresno between enlisting and an internment camp. A lot of fics write Morita as the team medic, but I'm not entirely sure why. In WWII, medics held a rank of Private, Private First Class, or Technical Sergeant. So, the medic would either have needed to be Morita or Gabe Jones in keeping with this. But there is literally no canon mention of him being any better at triage than any of the others, and he is definitely not a medic by trade. None of them are. The more likely scenario here, because none of them wear the insignia of a combat medic, is that all of the team were equally trained and capable at the most basic of field triage, but the team itself probably flew without a safety net and used the medics from whatever regiment they were shadowing at the time.

Sergeant James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes (26) - who you will notice is literally the fourth James in a team of 7 men - contracted what can only be assumed to be walking pneumonia on the battlefield of Azzano, and as his condition gets progressively worse in captivity, hastened by the hard labor of the weapons facility, he eventually becomes so weak that he drops several components in front of the officer in charge of the Facility, identified only as Colonel Lohmer. Lohmer beats Bucky like a rented mule, and when he's deposited back in his cage, the other four realize that if he's made to work again the next day, he'll die. They devise a plan to kill Lohmer, which would put one of the kinder Nazi assholes in charge who would allow Bucky to remain in the cages until he was able to recover. Their plan works, crushing Lohmer under a ton of machinery and symbolism and signifying the first time the soon-to-be Howling Commandos had worked together successfully. The soldiers return everyone to their cages after the accident to keep order, and Dugan tells Bucky that he's safe from Lohmer now, with the only punishment being a reduction of the POWs food rations for a week since there was no one specific to punish. Bucky is an ungrateful dick and not only asks Dugan to stop calling him "Jimmy", but graces him with the nickname Dum Dum in the process. Bucky is saved from dying on the manufacturing floor only to be singled out by Arnim Zola and taken to the 'examination rooms'. And we all know what happens there.

August to Early November, 1943 - Steve Rogers sings and dances his way through over 200 shows and makes several badly conceived films while his best friend is slogging his way through Italy.

November 3, 1943 - Steve disappears behind enemy lines to go find his Bucky.

November 8, 1943 - The Man With A Plan dramatically re-enters the Allied base camp where Colonel Phillips is fixin' to tear Peggy Carter a new one for losing Captain America over enemy territory. If the Battle of Azzano happened on a goddamn Earth map at the real Azzano in the Province of Udine, and assuming the Allied camp was somewhat close to that area, the march from the factory back to the Allied base camp would have been well over 120 kilometers as the crow flies. Those prisoners were metal af.

I'm getting that date from the assumption that walking over 120 km back to (supposedly because in reality they'd have needed to walk to goddamn Naples) Allied territory with 400 sick and wounded men would take a few fucking days. An American unit in Sicily in WWII (30th Infantry Division) marched 54 miles in 33 hours across country. But it's safe to assume that the company Steve rescues from Kreischberg would not be moving at top speed, but rather a steady pace that would keep them moving, but not fucking kill them.

The closest thing I can get to this incident is in July of 1944, when the German armies began a forced march of POWs across Germany to delay their liberation by the approaching Red Armies. Groups of 250 to 300 men marched over bombed out roads in a meandering route because they were forced to skirt around various battles, kind of like what our POWs would have to do in enemy territory. The groups would march between 20 to 40 kilometers a day, with very little food, clothing, shelter or medical care to speak of. Using 30 km/day as our benchmark, that's at least 4 days that it would have taken to get back to the Allied encampment. If the Hydra factory went boom on the night of November 3rd, and Steve flounced into camp in daylight, November 8th is a very safe bet.

November 15, 1943 - Steve pinpoints the Hydra facilities on the map in the SSR bunker in London (which was located in the Cabinet War Rooms in Whitehall) and is given permission to form his own elite special ops unit. Sidenote, the Howling Commandos were never called the Howling Commandos until after the War ended, they were merely called the 107th Tactical Team. Another nickname bandied about in 'non-canon because it contradicts the movie ahahahahahah' was The Invaders, which is probably what other soldiers would have known them as when encountering them. Neither Steve nor Bucky would know what the fuck a Howling Commando even is until they read up on history, and even then neither of them would likely ever think of himself as a Howling Commando.

Now, in trying to find this date, my inner frustrated historian has begun to weep, because I just cannot find a base in Italy that makes sense for any of these damn movements to have been based out of. The Allies hadn't even gotten through the Gustav Line at this point, which ran across the boot and through the town of Cassino, south of Rome. For them to be in Northern Italy close to the Austrian border, dude. WTF were they doing there? And how did they get in and out?? I mean was anyone really surprised when their straying asses got pounded by enemy forces deep in enemy territory??

I have no idea how to judge how long it would have taken for the future Commandos to get to London and drink in a pub because there is literally no rational logic to pinpoint their starting location, and therefore no way to guess what modes of transport were even available to them so close to enemy territory. The easiest way to find this date would have been to find out what date Captain America was awarded his Medal of Honor, but . . . even I'm not that good, apparently, 'cause I can't dig up shit. The Medal of Honor ceremony that happens at the same time as this scene would have been at least a week and probably more from the action on the night of November 3rd simply because it took that long for the paperwork to travel back to Washington. It was usually months before soldiers received their Purple Hearts, for instance. But let's assume this was fast-tracked because it's Captain goddamn America. Let's also assume they didn't have Howard Stark fly them back to London in his plane and tell the other 400 POWs to go make like a leaf and fuck a tree or something.

So the trip back to London probably took at least 7-10 days. We also need enough time to have passed that they expected Steve to get from the front lines all the way back to DC for the ceremony. My first instinct is to say up to a month could have passed when this scene comes around, but a month just seems way too long when looking at the context of the scenes, from the celebratory pub crawl of the POWs to the fact that Steve is being debriefed here, which would have been literally the first concern of an agency whose job is gathering intelligence.

TL:DR version, this could be anywhere from a week to a month later, idfk.

It's safe to assume this is also the night of the pub when Bucky reveals how heterosexual he is not by asking if Steve is going to keep his stage suit for no apparent good reason.

Mostly I'm putting this date here because it is the day the Allied Expeditionary Force for the invasion of Europe is officially formed. Having the SSR gearing up for - or as a result of - that meeting seems to make a lot of sense.

November 15, 1943 to March 4, 1945 - Steve and the Invaders, often along with other military forces, plow through HYDRA factories like an enraged ex with a John Deere tractor and a bottle of Jim Beam, and also join the larger battle against the Axis Powers on the Western Front. Essentially this period is Band of Broooos: Howling Commandos Edition. This period is where you can really have your fic fun, because canon doesn't tell us fuck all about it.

Well . . . that’s not necessarily true, though. Through the (paltry imo) Howling Commando montage of the movie, we see at least 10 distinct missions, and in clips from TWS there are hints of a few more; as many as 15 total. There are 6 Hydra facilities on the board, labeled 1-6. #4 was never taken during Steve’s time. But we can assume at least 5 of their missions were blowing the rest up. One was ‘in Poland, near the Baltic’, the other was ‘30-40 miles west of the Maginot Line’, thanks Steve. That doesn’t give us shit, son. But I will try.

1. A Hydra facility raid, #2. This is the one 30-40 miles west of the Maginot Line, labeled #2 on the map. West, in fact, of Liechtenstein, and southeast of Innsbruck, in a town that begins with RES. I think this is Resia, Italy, and the Reschen Pass (Resia Pass in WW2), which would make sense, tactically. I’d like to point out that they show Bucky entering with the team, show the team running out, show Steve riding out on his motorcycle, and then the place blows up. No Bucky. Take better care of your marksman, boys . . .

2. An approach with additional military forces through a forest, in the snow. Look at those BAMF motherfuckers. I got no clue what this mission could be, though. This has the feeling of a patrol, rather than a directed attack on anything. Bucky doesn’t even have his rifle.

3. A direct attack through a forest of exploding trees . . . no snow. This is probably a frontal attack intended to push at the enemy lines. With mortars like that coming at them as they advance, there’s no way whoever they were facing wasn’t dug in on a forward line.

4. This is most likely a harassment mission. They’re shown disturbing the lines of supplies to somewhere, and taking care to be covert, which is . . . not usually how Steve rolls, lbr.

5. Another Hydra base raid, Base #5. This is shown through only film, with Steve planning an approach to somewhere and a whole shitload of troops mobilizing with them. From where they are, he’s pointing south. God help me. Looking at the map he’s pointing to, the best guess I have based on the coastline is that it shows the northern bits of Belgium, and he’s pointing toward Hydra base #5, which is somewhere in the northeast corner of France, right below the border of Luxembourg.

6. Seek and destroy mission. This was another battle, not a base. Despite the fact that they’re in rubble, but then . . . most of Europe was rubble at this point, lbr. Peggy pulls a ‘Hydra battle lines’ flag from the map after this mission, so this was about pushing the forward line back. And we know this was the Hydra line, not the Nazi line. The scene we see was likely after the battle itself was over, when the search for the wounded and intel begins; that’s when enemy snipers made their last stand, like the one seen stalking Steve’s oblivious star-spangled ass. Bucky almost kills Steve for saluting at him and giving away his carefully chosen position.

7. A pitched battle in a town, somewhere. Steve is seen kicking ass and stuff.

8. Cool guys don’t look at explosions . . . The only reason I am separating these three clips is because the middle one is obviously in a forest, where the other two are in towns. We’ll call them three separate skirmishes. I would imagine all three of these are about pushing back that forward line.

9. The mega huge tank in the middle of town. I can see the team being sent out just to take care of this thing. Historian sidenote; the Nazis did indeed cook up some monster tanks. Hitler had a size kink. The Tiger II, or as the American GIs called it, the King Tiger, was . . . I mean, you were fucked if one of these rolled up into your path. They were damn near indestructible and they carried a big fucking stick. The problem with a heavy tank is that a Europe that has been bombed back to Creation for several years is a muddy Europe . . . if that Hydra tank wasn’t stuck in 5 feet of mud it was made of aluminum or something.

10. A last Hydra base raid, Base #?. This is shown only through the resulting smoking husk of a destroyed base and Red Skull being a diva. I don’t know which one this was, other than knowing it had to be #1, or #6. I hate to tell Steve, but I’m not sure any of the flags on this map are in Poland near the Baltic Sea, my dude. It would have to be #6 that he was talking about, though. #1 is just northeast of Lübben, Germany, in what appears to now be Briesensee nature preserve.

The only other hints we get at their missions are the clips of footage from TWS.

11. Hydra Facility #3. #3 is in the south of fucking Greece, near the northwestern tip of the body of water called Maliakos Kopos. There’s a marina in that area, Agia Marina, that would make a very convenient Hydra facility if I do say so myself. Now, this looks like a water landing! And it’s not an ocean landing, so that marina at facility #3 might be the ticket.

12. I’m going to call this a Hydra Facility Raid. Look at him go. There he go. Again, this is either #1, or #6. idfk anymore.

13. Prisoners. Cap is seen escorting surrendered German soldiers, It’s notable that they’re not Hydra, so that would be one of the ‘regular’ missions they ran with other troops. It could be part of any of the above missions, though.

14. Clearing out a town left by retreat. Those soldiers are not particularly the kind of alert that possible enemy combatants in the weeds will make you, so that town has probably been cleared.

15. Troop Transport/Advancement. This is notable because it’s a bridge, and not a little stone bridge, either, it’s a big one. In fact, this is the Ludendorff Bridge over the Rhine. (You can learn more about the capture of this bridge by looking up the Battle of Remagen.) Bridges were kind of a big deal at this stage when the German army was pulling out all the stops trying to prevent the Allied advance. Bridges large enough to convey heavy artillery got blown up but quick. This bridge in particular was front page news when it was captured by the Allies. Unfortunately, we can’t place Steve and his team at the Battle of Remagen, or at the Ludendorff Bridge, because this happened just days after Steve nosedived into the Arctic. So. We’ll call it an MCU bridge! This was either coming back from the front and they were deeper in Allied territory, or more likely after a battle, but on the way to the new front lines, as established by the winning of the goddamn bridge. Doubt this was a Hydra mission, either.

All in all, Bucky and Steve have 16 months of battle side-by-side. Bucky would have had 20 months total of combat service in the War.

I'm going to list some real events from the War during this time that the team might have been involved with or nearby for that could fill in some of those non-Hydra missions above, and some things they would definitely have at least talked about. You can skip these if you like, just scroll down to the next bolded bit. I am copying and pasting these because I can:

December 2, 1943: The Germans conduct a highly successful Air Raid on Bari, Italy. One of the German bombs hits an Allied cargo ship carrying mustard gas, releasing the chemical which killed 83 Allied soldiers. Over 1000 other soldiers died in the raid.

January 17, 1944: The first Battle of Monte Cassino begins when the British X Corps attacks along the Garigliano river at the western end of the German Gustav Line.

January 20, 1944: The U.S. Army 36th Infantry Division, in Italy, attempts to cross the Gari River but suffers heavy losses.

January 22, 1944: Allies begin Operation Shingle, the landing at Anzio, Italy. The Allies hope to break the stalemate in south Italy, but they are unable to break out of the beachhead and the line holds until late May.

February 15, 1944: The second Battle of Monte Cassino begins with the destruction of the historic Benedictine monastery on Monte Cassino by Allied bombing. The Allies believed the grounds were used as an observation post by the Germans

February 16, 1944: Germans launch a major counter-attack at Anzio, threatening the American beachhead.

March 15, 1944: The third Battle of Monte Cassino begins. The small town of Cassino is destroyed by Allied bombers.

April 27, 1944: The Slapton Sands tragedy: American soldiers are killed in a training exercise in preparation for D-Day at Slapton in Devon.

May 8, 1944: D-Day for Operation Overlord set for June 5.

May 11, 1944: The fourth battle of Monte Cassino begins led by general Anders of the 2nd Polish Corps.

May 18, 1944: The Battle of Monte Cassino ends in Allied victory. Polish troops of the 2nd Polish Corps led by general Władysław Anders capture Monte Cassino. German troops in west Italy have withdrawn to the Hitler Line.

June 4, 1944: Allies enter Rome, one day after the Germans declared it an open city. German troops fall back to the Trasimene Line. Meanwhile, Operation Overlord is postponed 24 hours due to high seas.

June 5, 1944: Operation Overlord commences when more than 1,000 British bombers drop 5,000 tons of bombs on German gun batteries on the Normandy coast in preparation for D-Day. And the first Allied troops land in Normandy; paratroopers are scattered from Caen southward.

June 6, 1944: D-Day begins with the landing of 155,000 Allied troops on the beaches of Normandy in France. The Allied soldiers quickly break through the Atlantic Wall and push inland in the largest amphibious military operation in history.

June 10, 1944: At Oradour-sur-Glane (a town near Limoges), France, 642 men, women, and children are killed in a German response to local Resistance activities.

June 13, 1944: Germany launches a V1 Flying Bomb attack on England, in retaliation for the invasion. The V-1 attacks will continue through June.

July 3, 1944: The Allies find themselves in the "battle of the hedgerows", as they are stymied by the agricultural hedges in Western France which intelligence had not properly evaluated.

July 24, 1944: Operation Cobra is now in full swing: the breakout at St. Lo in Normandy with American troops taking Coutances.

August 15, 1944: Operation Dragoon begins, marked by amphibious Allied landings in southern France. Elsewhere, the Allies reach the "Gothic Line", the last German strategic position in North Italy.

August 19, 1944: The French Resistance begins an uprising in Paris, partly inspired by the Allied approach to the Seine River.

August 25, 1944: Paris is liberated. The German military disobeys Hitler's orders to burn the city.

September 2, 1944: Allied troops enter Belgium.

September 6, 1944: The "blackout" is diminished to a "dim-out" as threat of invasion and further bombing seems an unlikely possibility.

September 9, 1944: The first V-2 rocket lands on London.

September 17, 1944: Operation Market Garden, the attempted liberation of Arnhem and turning of the German flank begins.

October 18, 1944: Hitler orders a call-up of all men from 16 to 60 for Home Guard duties.

November 1, 1944: "Operation Infatuate", an Allied attempt to free the approaches to Antwerp begins; amphibious landings take place on Walcheren Island. It would become a major supply port for the Allies by the end of the month.

November 20, 1944: Hitler leaves his wartime headquarters at Rastenberg, East Prussia, never to return; he goes to Berlin, where he will soon establish himself at the bunker.

December 16, 1944: The Battle of the Bulge begins as German forces attempt a breakthrough in the Ardennes region. The main object of Hitler's plan is the retaking of Antwerp.

January, 1945 - The only mission the MCU gives real details about comes from the Smithsonian Exhibit's interview with Peggy Carter (which you can watch in its entirety btw). The 'difficult winter, 1945' has to be January, and they were outside Stalingrad, Russia. During - or possibly in the aftermath of - a blizzard, Steve (and presumably the Commandos but fuck those guys amirite Agent Carter?) fight their way through a Hydra blockade that had been there 'for months', and saved half a battalion, over 1,000 men, who'd been penned down behind German lines. That's literally all we've got for mission details, and none of that makes any sense. Like any. At all. Why the fuck were they near Stalingrad?? How did they get to the Eastern Front, STEVEN???

February 1945 - Bucky falls from a goddamn train in the Alps. There is no resource to tell us how much time passes between Bucky's fall and Steve's supposed death in the Valkyrie. So let me get my history on for a second. On February 17, 1945, the British Special Air Service executed Operation Cold Comfort, a parachute drop raid near Verona, Italy with the objective of blocking the main rail lines through the Brenner Pass by landslide. The Brenner Pass is a mountain pass through the Alps which forms the border between Italy and Austria. Sounds familiar, right? (It's also featured on one of the Captain America covers, Captain America No. 33, 1943).

The operation would ultimately be a failure, but since Schmidt wouldn't have known that, hearing rumors of this operation, or even word that it had been attempted and fearing a second try, this could have been the inciting incident behind why he had Zola hauling his evil ass along that railway at a speed described as 'moving like the devil'. So we can safely put Bucky's fall between February 15 and February 25th. You could also stretch and say it was February 14th, if you are the reborn incarnation of Satan.

Now, by the end of February, the Red Army was sweeping through the northern regions of Poland toward the German border, moving north and west. It's a Russian soldier who finds Bucky in the Alps, so either that patrol was way the hell out of their lane, or . . . Bucky laid there for a while, folks. Seriously, the Red Army didn't even sniff the border of Austria until March 31, 1945 with the Upper Silesian Offensive. Which leads one to postulate that, a. the Russians who found Bucky were lost as fuuuuuck, b. the Russians who found Bucky were a rogue group who defected to Hydra after Hydra declared itself a separate entity from the Axis forces (doubt it), or c. neither Steve nor any of the rest of the team ever actually looked for Bucky's body, even after Steve went down in the Valkyrie, and he laid there for weeks. I honestly choose to believe one of the former, since the latter is just . . . I can't.

[No, you know what? Fuckin......frustrated historian meta addition.]

It's always bothered me that they might never have looked for Bucky's body, y'know?

I always assumed the arm got ripped off when he hit the side of the ravine. Like maybe he grabbed for or hit a ledge and the speed/height of his fall was just too great and it got ripped off. Because it's not crushed like it would be if he'd landed on it, it's a traumatic amputation. It almost had to have happened during the fall. Which could mean he'd have landed close to the edge, or maybe like hit higher up and tumbled until he was at the bottom instead of freefalling the whole way?

In his flashback, you can see he's still bleeding as the soldiers are carrying him. Bleeding a lot. If he'd been in the water or motionless in the snow for any amount of time, the bleeding would have at least become sluggish. He'd be hypothermic; his body would route blood away from his extremities to protect his vital organs, plus the blood vessels in the wound would be constricting due to the cold. But, if he'd been moving under his own power trying to get to help, it would explain why he's still bleeding; his movement kept the blood circulating where it would otherwise have clotted up.

In this gif, it looks almost like the blood trail starts just a few meters away. If we take a leap and assume that when they started moving him it jogged him awake, then this scene shows where the Russians found him. Those are trees, aren't they? Meaning he moved under his own power after he landed. Meaning he got the fuck up after falling off that train, and walked through that ravine toward help. What a fucking badass, jfc.

Two things I think we can say with certainty; one, the Russians were definitely searching for someone. He's on a stretcher, which wasn't something a normal patrol would've been carrying, especially over rough terrain. They had it with them for a reason. And two, the Russians weren't there because of Zola. Between Bucky falling and Gabe taking the control room, he had very little time to get off a communication with sitrep and location. And even if he was able to, it would have been to Hydra troops, who would have shown up wearing Hydra gear. And Russians are almost certainly not part of Hydra at that stage in the War.

Those Russian soldiers were probably an Allied search party that was sent out to find Bucky. That would tick off a lot of problem boxes, wouldn't it? It would mean someone - the SSR, the Army - did order a rescue/recovery for a damned war hero like a fallen Howling Commando, and Allied Russian troops were closest or something. It would explain why Russian soldiers were in such a remote area, with a stretcher, when they had zero other reason to be there! It would explain why Bucky is listed as KIA instead of MIA even though they obviously never found his body. It would also explain why Bucky didn't struggle as they were carrying him off; he thought they were on his side, rescuing him.

My theory after writing all this up? He lost the arm in an impact with the side of the ravine, but contacting the ravine walls also slowed his landing and put him on dry ground. He then got up like a BAMF and moved, either until he found shelter under some trees, or he simply collapsed from shock or trauma or exposure or all of the above. An Allied rescue/recovery party found him, but they were Russian, and they reported him KIA and kept him because they knew he must be enhanced to have survived that sort of fall, cold, and blood loss, and they wanted their own Captain Comrade.

March 4, 1945 - The SSR and other forces raid the secret Hydra bunker and Steve Rogers boards the Valkyrie on his way to getting fridged, literally haha, so Peggy Carter can become a hero . . . good job Captain Cannonball.

March 15-24, 1945 - The Commandos assist in Operation Undertone, which was part of the Allied invasion of Germany by the U.S. Seventh and French 1st Armies of the U.S. Sixth Army Group. It was a very real operation, so info is easy to find about it if your heart is still in your chest after watching both our boys plummet to their supposed deaths.

Some time in April probably?? 1945 - Dugan and Morita head to the last known HYDRA facility, Facility #4 bitches!, known simply as the Fortress, located some the fuck where in Austria, with Peggy Carter. They capture HYDRA General Werner Reinhardt and take possession of the first known classified 084, the Obelisk. We don't see the Obelisk again until Agents of SHIELD.

May 8th, 1945 - VE-Day. The remaining five members of the team gather in a pub to toast 'the Captain', suggesting that they did indeed just leave 'the Sergeant's' body rotting in the Alps somewhere, fuck that guy. (It is notable that one of the tie-in books for the movie states explicitly that they toast to both 'the Captain' and 'the Sergeant', so it's probable that they gave each man his own, individual farewell. We just didn't see it.)

(If you want more timeline! Trying to track the Winter Soldier through both canon and history.)

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #Howling Commandos #history nerd rants #research #fic reference #history sorta #timeline #meta maybe?#captain america #ca:tfa #MCU detail references

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xtcpanda · 4 years

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Seriously, is playing Video Games as BAD as mom says?

If you grew up playing video games like I did … you’ve probably heard lots of conflicting information about games from your parents and people. Some say too much gaming will ruin your vision or rot your brain … While others claim it improves your hand-eye coordination, response time and can even make you smarter so what exactly does gaming do to our brain and body?

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with video games.

I would stay awake for more than 48h till I wake up with keyboard marks on my face, red eyes and my body is so tired to even get up and drink some water... trust me I am not exaggerating. After all that I would go to sleep only to dream about the perfect headshot with that “AWM”.

But there were physical effects, too. My thumbs turned into machines, quick and precise. During especially difficult levels of play, my palms would sweat. My heart would race. I’d have knots in my stomach from anxiety. It was the same feeling I’d sometimes get from watching scary movies or suspenseful TV shows.

These days the gaming industry is booming and becoming more like sports with fans, medals and everything! and thanks to smartphones and free games like fortnight and League of Legends … Gamers are increasing more than ever before. So, given that we can play virtually anywhere at any time How is all this gaming changing us physically?

Scientists are discovering that playing video games can change the way we act, think, and feel. Whether these changes are good or bad has become a subject of intense debate.

Action games like counter-strike, overwatch and PUBG are some of the most popular with gamers these days and probably you’ve heard once or twice your grandmother says “these games will make you more violent from all the blood you see!”

Whenever a wave of teenage violence strikes, movies, TV, or video games often take the heat. Some adults assume that movies, TV, and video games are a bad influence on kids, and they blame these media for causing various problems.

But media don’t necessarily cause violence, says James Gee. Gee is an education professor at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

“You get a group of teenage boys who shoot up a school—of course they’ve played video games,” Gee says. “Everyone does. It’s like blaming food because we have obese people.”

Video games are innocent of most of the charges against them, Gee says…

Well, based on 15 years’ worth of study researchers have found that action games biggest positive effects were on perception: how our senses interpret external stimuli like sights and sounds, spatial cognition: which helps you orient yourself in navigating 3d environments and top-down attention: the ability to focus on one object while ignoring distractions.

A good video game is challenging, entertaining, and complicated. It usually takes 50 to 60 hours of intense concentration to finish one. Even kids who can’t sit still in school can spend hours trying to solve a video or computer game.

“Kids diagnosed with ADHD because they can’t pay attention will play games for 9 straight hours on the computer”, Gee says. “The game focuses attention in a way that school doesn’t.”

The captivating power of video games might lie in their interactive nature. Players don’t just sit and watch. They get to participate in the action and solve problems. Some games even allow players to make changes in the game, allowing new possibilities.

Different games have different impacts on the brain and that has to do with what you’re asked to do … just like food it doesn’t have the same vitamins after all, does it?

“Failure is key to success”.

Ask anyone who has ever had any success in anything if they have ever failed. You will get a big clear “Yes!” because everyone has failed at something. Most people probably know about Thomas Edison and his spectacular failure rate but here are a few other examples:

J.K. Rowling -known for writing the Harry Potter fantasy series- was rejected by 12 publishers

Einstein didn’t speak until he was 4 and didn’t read until he was 7

Van Gogh only sold 1 painting in his lifetime

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

In games you get 1000 lives and more! We don’t stop playing till the game says “Game Over” but then we click on “New Game” or new try.

“Gaming could be good for pain relief”.

a 2012 literature review published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that in the 38 studies examined, video games improved the health outcomes of 195 patients on every front, including psychological and physical therapy.

Plus, in 2010, scientists presented research at the American Pain Society's conference, which found evidence that playing video games, especially virtual reality games, are effective at reducing anxiety or pain caused by chronic illness or medical procedures.

"The focus is drawn to the game not the pain or the medical procedure, while the virtual reality experience engages visual and other senses," said Jeffrey Gold from the University of Southern California.

“Better Decision Making”.

Shawn Green from the University of Rochester wanted to see how games affect our ability to make decisions.

The study had a group of young adults with no gaming experience play an action game for 50 hours.

A second group of the same age played a slow-paced strategy game instead.

After the study, Green had nothing but good things to say:

“Action video games are fast-paced, and there are peripheral images and events popping up, and disappearing. These video games are teaching people to become better at taking sensory data in, and translating it into correct decisions.”

A colleague of his even went on to say that shooters can change the brain by dramatically enhancing many of our low-level perceptual functions. Definitely good news for all the Halo and Call of Duty fans out there.

“Games Can Help (Not Hurt!) Your Eyesight”.

Who grew up without ever hearing their parents say “you’re going to go blind watching that screen all day”.

For a while, it did seem like they had a point since we tend to blink much less frequently while playing a game.

This can cause serious problems like eyestrain and dry eye syndrome.

Another team of researchers from the University of Rochester sought to prove if games really worsen our vision.

The 2009 study involved having a group of experienced first-person shooter gamers plays Call of Duty and Unreal Tournament 2004 while more casual gamers played slow games like The Sims 2.

After testing, those who played the first-person shooters showed signs of having a better vision than the others.

Daphne Bavelier, the leader of the study, discovered that playing action games improves an ability called contrast sensitivity function.

This ability helps us discern between changes in shades of gray against a colored backdrop, which is very beneficial while driving at night.

“Video Games May Help Treat Depression”.

A few years back researchers in New Zealand sought to find out if video games can be used to treat mental disorders like depression.

This was done with SPARX, a game specifically designed to provide therapy to teenagers in a way that’s more active and enjoyable than regular counseling.

Over 168 teens with an average age of 15 participated, with all of them having shown previous signs of depression.

While half of the group received traditional counseling, the other group got to play SPARX.

The game involves creating avatars to rid the virtual world of enemies representing gloomy, negative thoughts.

Every stage also introduced general facts about depression, including ways to relax and deal with negative emotions.

Here’s their conclusion after discovering that SPARX players did better at recovering from depression than the other group:

“SPARX is a potential alternative to usual care for adolescents presenting with depressive symptoms in primary care settings and could be used to address some of the unmet demand for treatment.”

“Games has a purpose, meaning and can actually help!”.

Darfur is Dying is a video game made in 2006 by Students at the University of Southern California that provides a window into the experience of the 2.5 million refugees in the Darfur region of Sudan. It is designed to raise awareness of the genocide taking place in Darfur and empower college students to help stop the crisis. The game was developed in cooperation with humanitarian aid workers with extensive experience in Darfur.

First, you choose a Darfurian character to represent your camp. Next, you are instructed to go out and get water, which is the goal of the game. You are warned about the implications of some of the game's rules,

In the game, the user chooses a Darfurian character out of 7: a guy at the age of 30, a 26 years old woman, 5 kids from 10 to 14 years old from both genders to find some water... but watch out hide yourself from the Janjaweed militia! Upon success or failure, they learn that their chances of succeeding were predetermined by their gender and age if they are still young the militia takes them, if they are adults they get killed or raped. The navigation system in the game enables the player to learn about the situation in Darfur, get involved with stopping the crisis.

As we saw no one plays a game and doesn’t gain something ... either you get a positive impact or a null impact. We haven’t seen any area that has been damaged where there is worse performance.

Playing video games can be very high speed, can create a lot of chaos, create a lot of multiple environments where you have to make decisions, and all of these are forming skills in brain so … No, I think games really help improve our cognition and awareness training our brains making us better Human beings.

But of course, too much of anything is going to be bad after all.

You will get more learning gained from smaller sessions spread out over time than one BIG block.

When it comes to my own experience, I’ve played games for more than 13 years never suffered any gaming related injuries. While may I never know if gaming helped my brain, I do know it didn’t destroy it … so take that mom!

— Moaaz Akram

#games #serious gaming #gamedev

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paulc1st · 5 years

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World Mental Health Day 2019

I did post this post as a status update on my Facebook and on my Twitter feeds (@Paulc1st and @Paulc2nd) both on 10th October for it being World Mental Health Day 2019 on that date but I thought I would do a blog as well to mark the occasion even if it is a couple of days old - I am posting this on Saturday 12th October. I thought I would explain about the mental health conditions that I suffer from - see my previous blogs:

http://itspaulc1stmyautism.blogspot.com https://itspaulc1stmyhoarding.blogspot.com https://itspaulc1stmyanxiety.blogspot.com https://itspaulc1stwaaw.blogspot.com https://itspaulc1stwmhd.blogspot.com https://itspaulc1stmhaw2019.blogspot.com

and give an update to the help I am getting.

So, without further ado, here is what I suffer from and the help I get:

1.) Autism with anxiety - I was diagnosed with Autism and Anxiety in May 2016 at the age of 36 - see my blog above. At the time it was explained that I am at the higher end of the scale and that a few years ago I would've been diagnosed as having Aspergers but now everybody is classed as being on the Autism spectrum. Although my autism with anxiety isn't as bad as a lot of people, I do still have my problems with it. It was obvious to my Mam and Dad, and a lot of my mates, due to their reaction on Facebook in 2016 when I posted my diagnosis, that I had it as they had noticed it in me for years but I refused to get help until 2015 when I was put on the list to see a specialist and was diagnosed on the same day as my appointment in 2016. I manage day to day and it hasn't effected me loads.

The main things that I suffer from with my autism with anxiety are: 1.) Routines - Examples of my routines are things like where I have to upload my vlogs to my YouTube channel on a Sunday night and fill in my diaries and organisers and start all of my other tasks like tidying my flat on a Monday night. If I don’t do this, I couldn’t do it on another day. I would have to wait until the following week. This may be difficult for people to understand if they don't have it themselves but it is hard. 2.) Anxiety - See my blog above about this.The way I would explain about my anxiety is that I worry a lot about certain things and I have to confirm things a lot and double check things a lot. An example of this is if I try and ring someone and I can’t get hold of that person straight away I don’t think what any normal person would think and leave it until that person sees my missed call and rings me back.I will ring several times until I can get hold of the person. To the person that I am trying to get hold of this may be annoying but I cannot help it. It is part of my anxiety.

Another part of my anxiety is confirming things to make sure things haven’t changed. For example, if I am due to meet someone on a certain day at a certain time, even though I know what time the appointment is, I always have to ring and confirm several times in the days leading up to the appointment or on the day of the appointment to check everything is still okay.

These are the main parts of my anxiety so if you ever find me ringing you several times or find me confirming plans several times, please be patient. I don’t mean to be annoying. It is part of my anxiety. Another thing for the anxiety side of things was I was referred to my G.P. who asked me to contact Talking Therapies.I did this and was put on a waiting list in July 2016 and saw a woman who I didn’t think helped at all from November through to December 2016.I did see an employment advisor as well through Talking Therapies who helped me a lot more with issues I had at work at the time.

2.) Hoarding - See my blog above about this. Although I haven’t had a diagnosis of it, it is pretty obvious I suffer from this condition. I had kept this hidden up until recently and when I put photos of it on Facebook I was given support from my mates about it.

At my Autism diagnosis I was asked if I needed help with anything and I said I needed help with tidying my flat. At the time of my diagnosis, it was in such a condition that someone I know in the police said it looks like the type of place they would break into to find a dead body. The specialist asked my Mam and Dad if my bedroom was like this when I lived at home and they said yes. Because of this, I was referred to get help from Adult Social Services at North Tyneside Council who in turn referred me to the Mental Health Renablement Team and Safe and Healthy Homes, both services provided by North Tyneside Council. Safe and Healthy Homes arranged for a fire safety check to be carried out on my flat.

In 2016 when the fire brigade came out they told me that they wouldn’t enter my flat as there was no safe passage and was more of a risk to them getting injured. Through the Mental Health Renablement Team I was assigned two mental health renablement officers who came in twice a week to help me tidy my flat. However, the mental health renablement officers were only meant for short term so in December 2016 and January 2017 I was assessed by North Tyneside Council Adult Social Care to see if I would pass for a personal budget that I wouldn’t see but would pay for a Personal Assistant to come in and help me. I passed for that and got a P.A. who used to help me twice a week with my flat.I fell out with that P.A. in February this year when I called her bluff on something and she said she didn’t want to work with me anymore. I then got another P.A. in March this year from the same company for only a month. The reason it was only a month was I only get 10 hours with my P.A. and she didn’t have any car insurance for work so if I needed to go anywhere she said we’d get the bus which would cut into my time so I got rid of her. I then got a Support Worker from a different company in June this year but she was taken out after a month for health and safety.

At present I am in between support workers.

In August 2017 I had a second fire safety check carried out on my flat and the fire officer carrying out said they would enter but my living room was highly flammable with all the material in it like DVDs and books. I had a third fire safety check carried out on my flat in August of 2018 and the fire safety officer who came out said my hoard isn’t the worst he’s seen and, again, said they would enter. For my living room he used the term “fire loading” which means there are a lot of items that would feed a fire and he said if a fire ever broke out in my flat, by the time they got here, it would be well ablaze. I had a fourth fire safety check in my flat in August 2019. The fire safety officer who came out said there were obstacles in the way for the fire brigade to get past and said each room in my flat is “fire loading” because of the stuff in each room. He did say they would enter though. Considering that when I was first diagnosed with my autism in 2016 and was told then that the brigade wouldn’t enter due to it being too cluttered and there not being a safe passage to them saying now they would enter, there is definitely an improvement because of the help off my support workers but it’s just such a long process and the fireman who came out in 2018 said having hoarding and trying to sort it is like having a full time job. Also, with the fire safety check this year being carried out and the fireman saying each room in my flat is “fire loading”, it goes to show that I do need constant support to deal with my hoarding.

Another big help that I have gained help in is a couple of benefits:

1.) Personal Independent Payment (P.I.P.). It took two years, three knockbacks and two mandatory reconsiderations but in June 2017 I received a letter to say I had been accepted for Personal Independent Payment due to my disabilities - epilepsy and autism with anxiety.

2015 - I first applied for Personal Independent Payment in the summer of 2015 and went for the assessment in November 2015. Funnily enough, when I went for my assessment behind the Laing Art Gallery in Newcastle, I came across a film crew which, I didn't realise would become so big - I, DANIEL BLAKE. They were using the Newcastle Building Society opposite as the jobcentre. I, DANIEL BLAKE is also about what I was going for but in a different way. Anyway, back onto Personal Independent Payment. I had based the application purely on my epilepsy.

2016 - In January I received a rejection for my application as I didn't score any points. I did a mandatory reconsideration and was turned down again.

May - I receive my diagnosis for autism with anxiety.

June - I applied again for Personal Independent Payment, this time with both my epilepsy and my autism with anxiety. My learning support mentor at Newcastle College helped me fill in the form section by section. She asked me questions on each section and said I had missed a load of information out originally.

September - Went for the assessment with one of my mental health re-enablement officers.

December - Received a rejection again.2017 -

In January I put another mandatory reconsideration in.

April - I sent further evidence in to go alongside my mandatory reconsideration - a letter from my mental health re-enablement officer and a report for a PA from North Tyneside Council Adult Social Care.

June - Awarded Personal Independent Payment. 😊It's for extra help for people with disabilities.I know I am entitled to it and I am glad the DWP finally saw sense. 😊

2.) In January 2018 I was referred to a company for debt issues and the support worker who came out, as soon as she saw the state of my flat, said I needed to be taken off Jobseekers Allowance (JSA) and to be put onto Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) for people on the sick. I made an application in April 2018 and was transferred and my support worker came with me to my face to face assessment in June 2018 which resulted in me being put on the sick for 18 months up until December 2019. I am unsure what will happen after then but I will wait and see as it is not a miracle cure. At the end of the day, I could be a lot worse.Although I suffer from these mental health conditions and I am on the sick at the moment for it, I do still volunteer to keep busy through a couple of charities. On the subject of mental health. One of the charities I had been volunteering with since March 2018 and I thought was very positive with mental health decided to dismiss me from their company in May of this year as they couldn’t manage my condition which I was highly disappointed in.

Here is my blog on what happened:

https://itspaulc1stbtdboad.blogspot.com Finally, I would like to give a shout out to some people who are always there to help me for support: Cheers to everyone who helps me. I would like to thank some people for helping me and giving me support:

1.) My family. My Mam and Dad, my brothers and sister-in-laws - For having to put up with me and the way I am. I have put them through a lot and they still stick by me. I do sometimes wish though that my Mam and Dad, especially, understood my autism with anxiety and that it’s not me being “awkward” but is part of my condition. Also, my little Nephew and Niece who always brighten up the day when I see them.

2.) Meegan-Paige Hall - I will always be grateful to Meegan. Meegan was my manager at the Marie Curie shop in Forest Hall from 2014-2015 when I was volunteering there. She had worked with children with special needs in the past in America and said I was displaying classic signs of having autism as mentioned in this blog: http://itspaulc1stmyautism.blogspot.co.uk

My Mam and Dad had noticed it in me for years but when your parents say something you normally block them out but it was at this point, when an outsider noticed it that I thought I should get help and I was given a diagnosis a year later.

3.) My mates - I don’t mean to be putting people aside here but good mates like Christian, Gayle and Helen who we all had a BELTAAAA holiday at Seahouses in 2001, Adam from the D.H.S.S. who I am still in touch with as well.

Also Kerry and Shaun who always stick up for me if I need it and always ask if I am okay if I post a down update on Facebook.

Julia - although we see each other only every few months, you are always there to text as a good mate.

All my other mates but these ones stick out in particular.

4.) Ellie Langford - A special mention has to go to Ellie again. Why ? Well as many of you may know, I upload my vlogs to my main YouTube channel, Paulc1st, every Sunday night, as part of my routine with my autism. If I didn’t do that I would have to wait until the following Sunday. In 2018 I asked Ellie, a graphic design student, if she could design a logo and banner for a second YouTube channel to which I could upload to during the week and get out of a routine. All I said to Ellie was it must contain my new channel name and a picture of a Westie in memory of Charlie.She created a lovely logo and banner which I not only use on my new YouTube channel, Paulc1st Instant Vlogs, but also on a new Instagram, Paulc1stInstant Instagram so I can upload to straight away unlike my main Instagram account where everything has to be in order as well as an Instant blogs account.Just by Ellie doing this small thing it has made a big difference in my routine.

Next year she is going to be helping me on another venture as well and I highly recommend her as a designer.

5.) My support workers - Although I am in between support workers at the moment, if it wasn’t for my previous support workers, I don’t know where I would be.

Although it is two steps forward and one step back with my flat and my hoarding, I wouldn’t know where to start.

6.) Sarah Cushnahan - I will always be grateful for Sarah who was my Learning Support Mentor at Newcastle College when I was given my diagnosis of autism with anxiety.

When I was given the diagnosis she sat down with me over several sessions to go through a draft copy of an application for Personal Independent Payment (P.I.P.) in detail and asked me questions on each section.

It needed extra evidence a few months down the line but if she hadn’t sat down with me and gone through it then I would never have got it as the previous year I only applied on the basis of my epilepsy and missed a load of the form off.

7.) Jacqui Rogers - Like Meegan and Sarah, another person I will always be grateful for is Jacqui who was my support worker through the Monkey Project from January 2018 for debt issues and as soon as she saw the state of my flat realised I needed to be taken off Jobseekers Allowance (JSA) and to be put onto Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) for people on the sick.

She came with me to my face to face assessment in June 2018 which resulted in me being put on the sick for 18 months.

8.) Paul Irwin - Paul was my boss when I was working at Eastcoast Taxis and when I received my diagnosis of autism with anxiety I sat down with him and let him have a copy.Although I knew what I was doing in the job, I didn’t have the best telephone manner but Paul stuck up for me left, right and centre which I

very much appreciated. In the end though, he had to let me go as the job was getting to me but I will always be appreciative of him.

He also runs Tyne Idols, a bus tour that puts on different events which I love going on.

9.) Billy Shiels - One of my favourite places to go for escapism is Seahouses - maybe it stemmed from the May Bank Holiday Weekend up there in 2001 with Christian, Gayle, Gary and Helen as mentioned above - but I love going up there to try and spot dolphins or just on the Farne Island trips on the Grey Seal cruises and, one particular boat operator, Billy Shiels, is always welcoming when I go up so thanks to them.

10.) Ben Burville - One of my passions is spotting dolphins and during the summer into October, since 2015, I have been going out on the Ocean Explorer to the Farnes Deep to spot White Beaked Dolphins and Ben is a GP based in Amble who has a special licence to dive with the dolphins for research.

I love hearing about the passion he shares with me and when I am out on the boat, again, it’s escapism and great for mental health when you see these mammals close up in the wild just off Northumberland.

11.) Martin Kitching - Martin owns a company called Northern Experience Wildlife Tours who, during the summer months, charter a boat called the JFK Two from the Royal Quays to spot dolphins off the Tyne and in the Farnes Deep.

Off the Tyne we see Bottlenosed Dolphins and White Beaked Dolphins and, again, in the Farnes Deep, White Beaked Dolphins.

From June through to August Northern Experience Wildlife Tours runs 4 hour evening trips from the Tyne up towards Creswell and, even if we don’t see anything, you see the coast from a different point of view which is good in itself and a chance to relax and escape life for a bit.

12.) Film crews - One of my other hobbies is following film crews around the North-East and watching behind the scenes to see how it is all made.

See the blog below:

http://itspaulc1stfriendlystalking.blogspot.co.uk

I would like to thank certain crew members that know how passionate I am and appreciate me for it. Crew members such as La’Toyah who I first met in 2012 when I was an extra on a Newcastle Brown Ale advert that she was working on, Mark and Davy who I have known since 2001, and some of the Titan lads from the old days. Finally, the two charities that I volunteer for at the moment help me a lot by keeping busy whilst on the sick:

13.) CLICSargent - I have been volunteering with these since 2015, first as a bucket collector at various events and now as a Tin Manager approaching businesses to see if they will take on a charity tin for the company and I have support from a lovely area manager, Dee.

Dee understands my condition and the fact that I have routines which sometimes means the tins are banked a week or so late and this is appreciated.

14.) Springfield Centre in Forest Hall - This community centre is near to where I live and I volunteer as a photographer when they have events on. Although I have my conditions, this blog shows I do have a good support network around me.Having the conditions won’t change me as a person.I have said this before and I will say it again. This is who I am and what I do.I am still the same old Paul - at least it will explain why I act the way I do sometimes. Yes. I have a few mental health problems and I am not afraid to hide away from them as they make what is me as a person. 😊

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just-another-film-buff · 7 years

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Top Eight Favorite TV Shows

Though I am mostly a film blog, I do binge watch quite a bit of shows and it has got me thinking about what my favorite shows are currently. I watch new shows and shows that have long ended, so this should be an interesting list.

8. American Horror Story (2011- Present)

American Horror Story is one of those shows, where if it is good, it is a force to be reckon with, but when it is bad, it is god awful. Though I have not seen the latest season, due to my lack of cable at the moment, I will binge watch it on Netflix once it becomes available. Seasons one, two, three and five were the best, though season five was hit with mixed reviews. American Horror Story is just a captivating show that plays off the element of horror, which I absolutely love. Though the stories may sometimes fall short, there is always an amazing cast to admire. Ryan Murphy really does cast amazing actors and actresses and they hold this show together so amazingly. Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson are just two of the actors who have been in every single season of this show and they really are given the chance to shine. If you are looking for horror, then give this show a chance, because even if you get disappointed, you are still pulled in to continue watching it and giving it multiple chances to shock you.

7. Skins (2007-2013)

I found this show right before I started high school and it pulled me in deep. This is one of those shows that I binge watch as soon as I sit down to watch it and it is such an intriguing show about teenagers and how they fit into their own reality. Unlike most shows, this show got a new cast every two seasons, once the previous cast ended their final year of college (high school pretty much) giving us new stories to look into and new characters to relate to. This show was never one to shy away from the painful truths of what teenagers can go through and because of that it may be why it is one of the most relatable teen dramas out there. Though I am no longer a teen, I still enjoy watching this show, because it does remind me of my youth in both good and bad ways. It also started the careers of several still working actors (Nicholas Hoult, Kaya Scodelario, Kathryn Prescott, Jack O’ Connell, Hannah Murray, Joe Dempsie, Jessica Sula, Sean Teale, etc.) Definitely a much watch on a rainy day.

6. Salem (2014-2017)

I just recently finished this show and I am absolutely mad at myself for taking so long to watch it. I previously viewed it as boring, just from the season one trailer and I finally sat down to watch it and saw it for the true underrated masterpiece that it truly was. It is a new spin on the Salem Witch Trials and the lead actress: Janet Montgomery really does take this show and make it her own. Her role as Mary Sibley is one of the greatest performances that I have seen. Growing up, Charmed was always my go-to for witch drama, but after watching this show, I must say that even with only three seasons, it does outshine Charmed and I really do wish that it featured more than three seasons, because it had so much potential, but I am very satisfied with how they ended the show, including it in my top ten favorite series finales. However, this show does get pretty violent and gory (no complaints from me) and it does features some adult content, but it truly is a must see.

5. Shameless (2011- Present)

I have seen the original series that this US remake is based on and without a doubt, I prefer the remake to the original. Shameless is dark humored filled drama about an extremely dysfunctional family. It has amazing characters with spectacular character development. It is another show that does not shy away from shocking its viewers and for that, I love it. It has one of the best casts that I’ve seen in present shows and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of season eight and it is a show I am obsessed with. I do not have the energy to type up everything I love about this show, but if you love dark humor, inappropriate humor and are looking for a good drama, this is the show to watch and I promise you, it will not disappoint.

4. Game of Thrones (2011-Present)

I do not believe I need to hype up this show, because I believe everyone knows at least one person who is obsessed with this show and is always recommending it. Outside from amazing actors who bring these well-written characters to life, there are solid stories that leave you at the edge of your seat, wanting more and begging George R.R. Martin to finally finish the books. This show puts all of their time and effort into making the show absolutely beautiful, with each episode (of season six) costing 10 million. The cinematography is great and the scripts are full of such brilliant dialogue. However, I did not watch this show until the summer of 2016 and I made the mistake of watching all six seasons in less than a month....so needless to say, I am really waiting for season seven to premiere.

3. Thirteen Reasons Why (2017- Present)

This show was released on Netflix, on March 31st and I have already watched it twice. Firstly, the book which it is based on, I read when I was thirteen and it made a huge impact on me, because it was the first book I ever read that I related to on a personal level. The show expanded on the book and with the author’s praise, it has become one of- if not the best Netflix Original. The story follows Hannah Baker, a girl who has just killed herself and left behind tapes that will be sent to one person after another, with one of the tapes detailing what role they played in her decision to end her life. That description alone is intense, but this show is absolutely astounding. Honestly, it would be higher up on this list if I hadn’t already formed such a strong bond with other shows. I believe this show is so much more than a show and if you search “13 reasons why” on tumblr, you find a such a massive following begging and waiting for more from this show. On my other tumblr blog, I posted about this show for four days straight and it has still been on my mind and I want to watch it a third time already, because of the impression it has left in my mind. This is the show that today’s society needed and has raised such a positive awareness for mental health, which is always a plus in my book. I highly, highly, highly recommend this show to everyone, but fair caution, there are a number of triggering scenes (I hate that word) but Netflix has provided trigger warnings at the beginning of episodes to warn you ahead of time.

2. My Mad Fat Diary (2013-2015)

This show. This show is without a doubt the only show with a character that I have without a doubt related to on so many reasons. It is a British show about Rae Earl, a teenager who has just been released from a hospital, after attempting to kill herself. This show deals with eating disorders, body issues, a normal desire to have sex, wanting to be normal and it is set in the 90′s. Despite having such heavy and intense scenes/storylines it is full of great humor and the characters are an absolute joy to watch. I found this show at a time when I really needed it and since then I watch it at least three times a year, because it is like a security blanket that is always there for me and will help me get through whatever emotional distress I happen to be in. All the episodes are on Hulu or YouTube and this show is rated so highly in my books.

Honorable Mentions, Before #1

Reign (2013-2017)

Once Upon A Time (2011- Present)

Stranger Things (2016- Present)

The IT Crowd (2006-2013)

1. Dawson’s Creek (1998-2003)

I know exactly what you’re thinking “You listed all those amazing shows and that is your favorite show?” Yes, yes, I know. I never claimed it was the most amazing show ever to grace television, but it is sentimental to me. I first watched this show in 2011 and bought the entire box set later that year. I am bound to this show whether or not I watch all those other amazing shows. Why? I have absolutely no idea, but I am infatuated with this show. I think it is because I relate to Dawson (even though he is one of the worst characters ever) because I was that kid in high school that everyone knew for only one thing...screenwriting/films. I tried filming several of my screenplays through high school and unlike Dawson, I had no luck. I just relate to the determination that this character has to achieve his dream of being a filmmaker. Also, the other characters are awesome, especially Pacey. Another thing is that this show was created and written by my favorite screenwriters who went on to create/write the Scream movies, I Know What You Did Last Summer and The Vampire Diaries. He is an amazing writer and he is incredibly diverse in his writing. This show is not the best show in the world, but I love and I am required to watch the entirety of the show at least once a year.

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lindyloowho · 7 years

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Hey there! I hate to bug you but awhile back I asked for advice about learning to Lindy. I am actually going to the Beantown Camp this summer and was wondering if you had any tips, pointers or advice for an event like that

Hi! I actually saw that you said you were going but didn’t want to seem too overeager! I’m very glad you asked.

I’ve been to Beantown twice, and it was a wonderful, phenomenal experience both times. So much learning! So much dancing!

I don’t know how much dancing you’ve done. If you have some experience under your belt, you may want to audition (and they base this on what you’ve said your dance history and habits are). If you don’t want to audition, you don’t have to, and it means you’ll be in a beginner track. (This isn’t bad! The beginner tracks are super great.)

Beantown has classes every day. They generally come in three types. Some of them will be with your track (made up of dancers that should be on the same or similar level as you are). Every track gets a chance to take a class with every teacher, so you won’t miss out on anything.

One of your classes every day (or almost every day) will be learning a routine. At the end of camp you’ll get to perform that routine!

The next type of class is a one-off elective, which are noted as “beginner, int, int/adv, advanced” or something similar on the schedule. These can be really great, but you don’t have to take any of them. None of them are cumulative (generally), so you can take one here and one there as you like.

There’s also a type of performance track class based around learning a routine. These are generally for people who want to challenge themselves to learn more things. I’ve personally never done any of those.

At the end of camp, all of the tracks and all of the performance track classes have a performance. Pretty much everybody in camp performs, but you don’t need to if you don’t want to (you’re an adult!). You may want to make that decision in the first couple days, because generally you end up choosing partners for the performance, and it’s always bad for a person who wants to perform have their partner drop out (though sometimes it’s unavoidable!).

Everybody is super supportive, and it’s definitely a learning atmosphere.

In the evenings, there are evening dances, usually with live bands. It’s super great! The dances can last really late into the night.

There’s a beach nearby (like, across a street and down a hill), and if you’re feeling pooped you can go hang out in the water or on the beach.

Without further ado, here are my tips for having a real good time:

1. Take care of yourself, body and mind.

This is honestly the most important thing. I don’t know how much of an active lifestyle you lead, but my body isn’t used to dancing all day, standing that much, and walking from end-to-end of campus. Plus, my brain isn’t used to cramming as much fresh information in all at once. I needed to pay attention to myself, and when my ankles were like, “please stop” and when my brain was like “if you try one more new thing today, I’m going to cry.”

Also, the dancing and music is so great, and I love to do all the things. But if I want to be up in time for breakfast/morning classes, I do need to sleep.

Oh, and I do recommend eating a lot -- at least your normal amount, probably a little more -- just to keep your energy levels up.

Don’t injure yourself! Some things are unavoidable, but if you can keep from pushing yourself to the absolute limit, you will be less likely to get hurt. (Stretch! Massage your muscles!)

2. You don’t have to go to every class.

The world won’t end if you don’t make it. Your mental health is more important than some of these classes, and sometimes making friends is more fun. Depending on the size of the class, generally, nobody will even know you’re not there.

3. Performing is different from social dancing is different from learning in a class

All three of these skills will get a workout! Understand that you’re asking a lot of yourself, and that if you need to take a step back from one or the other, that’s okay. But also, challenge yourself! This is a very cool place to level up, learn new skills, and try new things in a very supportive atmosphere (literally every performance gets a very heartfelt standing ovation).

4. Attending the evening activities isn’t required, but it is cool and fun

There are often educational talks or fun evening activities. There’s a talent show and a teacher’s showcase, and all of them are a ton of fun to get to.

5. Do you remember your first few weeks of college where you didn’t know anybody? Welcome back!

Yeah, unless you come with a pre-made dance community or group of friends, you’ll have to make them new. Good news is, everybody’s super nice, generally willing to hang out at mealtimes, and you already have something in common to talk about (dancing!). Not everyone’s going to be super into making new friends, but there are a ton of people who are there who will be.

That’s it! It’s a super great experience, and I can’t wait to hear how it went for you. Also, I might go this year (haven’t quiiiiite decided yet), and if I do, I’ll let you know so you’ll have a mealtime buddy sometimes!

Oh, and a few (many?) last minute thoughts: the dorm bathrooms have no soap/shampoo in them, so bring it. Bedding is provided (sheets and a blanket) but not towels (I don’t think). The weather can be really warm or really cool, so be sure to bring comfortable clothing for a variety of temperatures. People generally dress up a little for the evening dances with bands -- dresses or nice shirts/blouses and slacks or a skirt -- but for classes it’s fine to wear whatever you’re most comfortable in. Depending on what color track you’re in, you will be encouraged to wear that color to the performance -- here’s blue track from last year -- or white or black. Bring sunscreen, and beach things. During weekdays the campus bookstore will be open. You’ll need to have a deposit (cash or check) for some amount (I think it’s $35? $20? I forget.) for your dorm room key that you’ll get back when you check out at the end of camp. Bring dance shoes that are comfortable, and maybe bring a couple pairs (but I usually end up just wearing the one pair). My favorites are the ked knock-offs from Target with suede glued to the bottom and insoles inserted. After dinner the only food available to buy is at a cash-only concessions stand at the evening dance, so bring a few bucks of cash with you (or there’s a Bank of America ATM on campus). Generally, there’s another camp going on at the same time, but you’ll likely never interact with them. There was a lacrosse camp the other year, full of teens who ate breakfast at 6pm and occupied the big track field. My favorite non-dance elective was tai chi. You’ll need a bag to carry around your dance shoes (it’s bad form to wear your dance shoes to walk from class to class, even if they’re just street shoes -- you don’t want to muddy up the dance floor!), maybe an extra tee shirt, a water bottle, and your schedule (a print-out). Everybody gets a name tag, and most people wear it all week long. There is a grocery store and a CVS nearby, but in this case, “nearby” means a couple miles away -- unless you have a car they’re a nuisance to get to. There are a bunch of retired people who have been coming to the camp for years and years. There are competitions some nights, and entering those is entirely optional. (The “novice” usually means “I’ve been dancing very seriously for a year. “Intermediate” means “I’ve been dancing for three to eight years” and “Advanced” means “I’ve been dancing for a decade and I teach people how to dance.”)

Hmmmmm that’s all I can think of right now! Let me know if you have any more questions.

#llamatheodd #beantown

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littlemissshortypants-blog1 · 7 years

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#18 - Is Drama School for The Elite?

Is Drama School For The Elite? We all know drama school is an expensive process. I've been auditioning for half a year and it's a journey I've thoroughly enjoyed, however I want to put into perspective just how much my auditioning process has cost me and so here's an estimated breakdown of what I've spent over the past 6 months: To register with UCAS: £24 To register with CUKAS: £24 Audition Fees: Royal Conservatoire of Scotland - £45 Guildhall - £63 Drama Studio London - £47.50 Central School Of Speech and Drama - £55 (This was the only place I got an audition fee waiver therefore I didn't have to pay anything to audition but I'm sure LAMDA do this too) Mountview - £45 PPA - £35 LAMDA - £54 Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama - £47 Guildford School of Acting - £55 Acting Coach Scotland - no fee RADA - £46 (£86 for later applications) In total that's £437.50 I've spent purely on the audition fees. Now, in my opinion and many other people's opinions, that is a lot of money. Especially when some of these auditions literally consist of being in the building for a grand total of 10 minutes to perform your monologues then leave without any form of feedback. Travel: (Excluding any extra taxi fare needed to get to the venues) Luckily, I did manage to book early enough to get myself onto the regional auditions. This meant some of my auditions were held in Manchester and I didn't have to travel to London as much as I could have but I still went quite a bit... Train to London (at least 5 times for first round auditions) - £60 Train to Guilford (3 times including once for a recall) - around an extra £10 Train to Glasgow (twice including once for a recall ) - £51.60 Hotels: I wouldn't normally mind staying in a cheap £10 hostel if I was just travelling for leisure but I wasn't prepared to do this when auditioning so it cost me around £40-£70 a time. Fortunately I do know some people who live in/nearby London who let me stay at theirs on occasion. Now total that all together and we've got approximately £1,028.70 which is a LOT of money to spend when the chances of getting recalled are very slim, never mind being offered a place. So, why am I writing this post? Not only do think this is a good insight for other people who want to audition for drama school, I want to express my thoughts and feeling. I've got through the hardest part. I've done the work, I've paid the audition fees. I've proved I've got enough talent to get in. However, I'm concerned that now I've gained a place, I will be unable to go due to lack of available funding. The course I hope to join, doesn't qualify for a student loan as its a private institution. It does however offer a career development loan but only for years two and three. Leaving no funding option available for year one (excluding scholarships which could potentially reduce the fees), how is a working class individual, with unemployed parents due to health issues and who already currently holds a full time job, expected to pay just over £10,000 for the course alone, excluding living costs? The arts are constantly suffering with unjust government cuts resulting in less attention being given to subjects which are vital in helping both children and adults develop creatively and in many people's opinion is becoming for the elite only. This is exactly the reason why. Students are encouraged to go and study and there's nothing I want more than to study acting at drama school so I can better myself as a performer. However, I find it extremely unfair, after the amount on money I've spent on auditions, that there is a potentially heartbreaking chance, I'll be unable to start studying again after already taking a year out. I'm by no means pin pointing this at the school I hope to go to because I know there are options which include monthly payment and I'm going to try my very best to ensure I've done all I can to enable me to make this work. I refuse to not start studying again in September after all of my hard work. I will go to drama school.

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jordblorg · 6 years

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two months ago, i wrote something i intended to write four months ago

in early march, i did my belated 2017 recap post, mostly (no, let’s be honest: entirely) for my own edification, but then i kept forgetting to post it on here because i live in a house without wifi and when i do have wifi i don’t have my laptop, but i spent the weekend housesitting and so i’ve been aimlessly on my laptop for an hour and i just remembered, oh, hey, that thing! i should do that thing.

so. anyway. 2017:

from 2013 to 2016, i ended each year (or started the new one) with a recap post in some form. there were years where i didn’t feel much like doing it, but i always felt like the act of forcing myself to sit down and reflect, or at the very least remember and record, would be a useful one, if not in the present moment then certainly later. and it’s already proven true: every so often, bored and scrolling my own tumblr to try and see what it tells me about myself, i stumble upon these yearly recaps and remember something about the year that i had forgotten. sometimes it’s a specific event. other times it’s a feeling or something as specific as a food. and on a few occasions it’s been particularly delightful to see a self who has no idea what’s to come -- in 2013, for example, i visited d.c. with a friend. we spent hours walking around the supreme court building, hoping to spot a justice, to no avail -- until the moment we left, at which point we saw clarence thomas from a distance, and mainly just the back of his head. and it was thrilling.

(a year and a half later, i would spend an entire semester working at the supreme court. it was one of the happiest semesters i’ve ever had. on the first snow day of that winter, i talked about the weather with the justice standing in front of me in the cafeteria line.)

so for all these reasons, i wanted, or felt that i should want, to write a brief post recapping my 2017, in words or in photos or in memes, watercolors, you name it. and i never did. and since the new year began, every week or so, i’ve thought to myself, well, hey, this one in particular is kind of an arbitrary deadline, you should still do a lil recap. and i’ve also spent a few evenings reading the super-old entries of bloggers i’ve followed for a few years - not even people i know well personally! - because watching people learn and grow online, if that’s how they should choose to do it, can be fun.

perhaps at the end of 2018 i’ll write a post about this being the year i simultaneously wanted to bloviate endlessly about all of my opinions, and also wanted to take myself off the radar screen completely, where every day i want to quietly delete all of my social media apps from my phone but haven’t as of this writing because of some vague fear that something will happen? that i will want to know about right away? or that if i take my ear away from the ongoing conversation of smart and angry people on my twitter feed, i’ll lose learning opportunities, and then say something i should know better than to say, but not know better, because i deleted my twitter account? i tried to download two apps yesterday that severely curb one’s ability to access other apps, the Bad Apps, on one’s phone, but neither had the functionality i desired unless i paid for premium, which, at that point, can i justify paying to outsource my self-control when reality i feel like i should be able to do that myself? (is this a healthy framing? i don’t think i’m wrong, but i could probably stand to be more generous to myself, except that i don’t want to be generous, i want to have the willpower of teddy roosevelt, he who cured his own asthma basically through sheer force of will, absent all of the historic toxicity and baggage with which he must also be inextricably associated? except i also know better than to frame recovery/health narratives as a matter of willpower?) i’ve lost the thread completely at this point, assuming i was ever holding a thread in the first place?

one time, years ago, an older male relative asked me if i exhaust myself. and oh my god. i do.

anyway. here’s some free association about 2017, the year i keep accidentally thinking it is, after reminding myself that it is not 2016, which is the year in my heart that i believe it to be.

i. the beginning of 2017 feels like it was a hundred thousand years ago, and at this point last year i had no idea that i’d be in alaska and out of my old field completely, and at this point this year everything that happened to me in the first half of the last one feels like a dream.

when i think about the months of january through may, i remember the weeks on end where each day i woke up and felt a void in the center of my stomach where normally the feelings that motivate me go. i had a hard time with basic self-care. on more days than i am comfortable admitting, i would go home at the end of a workday where i’d achieved nothing, sit on the couch in my living room, surf the internet until i fell asleep, and then wake up, only to do it all again. i felt empty and blank, and underneath those thick layers of emptiness and blankness i felt the licking flames of self-hatred and terror, and so there i would sit, watching the hours go by, on my couch.

sometimes i saw my friend nathalia, and we would laugh, and that would take some of the edge off of the tension that was winding its way around my stomach and my throat.

(eventually, i saw a psychiatrist, and started treatment - and medication, which, by the way, please talk to me if you’re reading this and feel some weird internal resistance to taking medication for mental health issues, because i get it and i’ve been there, and your feelings are valid, but oh my god it was absolutely the right decision to start taking medication and i will gladly tell anyone why - but the point is that eventually, i broke down, and my dad got me into an appointment. i have never felt more exhausted than when i was trying to navigate health insurance and the mental healthcare system in this country while mired in a particularly vicious period of anxiety and depression. and yet: i could afford it. and yet: i had a parent to call, who had the time and energy and means to help, who had a friend in D.C. who made a recommendation, who was able to get me an appointment two weeks after i finally broke down to another person on the phone. i cannot imagine how i would’ve gotten through the past year without the many, immense privileges and outside support systems that i so often take for granted. i’m fighting with my own brain every day, still, and yet i am still luckier than i will ever know.)

i can still picture my short walk from the metro stop nearest my office to the building where i worked. my stomach sunk every day.

but there were some good days, too, where i didn’t have to go to the office, or even worse, the capitol, and instead got to go to my favorite building in the city, and do something i knew i was good at. they don’t let you keep the tickets you get when you’re admitted to the supreme court as a member of the press corps, because you have to turn them back in to the security guard once you’re seated, but after my first visit i tried to remember to take pictures. i knew what i was doing, and i felt like it mattered. i got some work linked by a website i admire. on at least one occasion, i wrote a story that included the voice of a source none of the national reporters on the case had chosen to include, and it was an important voice, and i felt pride in the story and in myself. in february, rupsha came and visited me and the rest of her friends on her birthday, and mollie flew into town for the celebration. we got day drunk at a local bar, and successfully begged off a slice of birthday cake from the strangers who were celebrating their own camaraderie at a different table. i found a framing co-op near my neighborhood, and it felt very adult to know how to get to the place where i could get nice things framed. nathalia and i fell in love with an exhibit at the hirschorn about ragnar kjartansson, so we went twice and stayed for hours, and both times it mattered less that i’d spent so many nights and weekends unable to muster the willpower or even desire to leave my apartment, to explore the city where i lived. sometimes, often, i felt afraid. i never went to the monuments at night. the first five months of 2017 proceeded apace.

another shiny moment in the muck: i spent new year’s eve and new year’s day in brooklyn, first at a neighborhood bar and later on a rooftop and eventually in my best friend’s apartment. i made nathalia laugh so hard with a joke about potatoes that she snorted champaign out of her nose. i slept in a tent set up on the kitchen floor, and did almost nothing, but very happily. we had a spontaneous bachelorette lunch at the MoMA. i spent the night of january 2nd curled up on a tiny loveseat in a tiny apartment, with my college roommate and her boyfriend, and the next day i borrowed a blue dress, and the three of us took the bus to city hall and bought flowers on the way, and then we helped another of our old roommates get married. i could write about my memories of this day for a very long time. it was easily one of my happiest memories of the year. after the vows, we went and ate italian food in a near-empty restaurant. after we parted ways, i went to books of wonder, made my way to the bus that would take me back to dupont circle, and read a book bobby gave me for graduation, and cried and cried and cried.

later in january i covered the protest beat at the inauguration, and watched about 50 reporters swarm a single burning trash can, and later one single burning car. i wondered how many other cars were burning in the city for reasons less obviously political. speaking of, i read this poem about four billion times. the things that bothered me at the end of 2016, including but not limited to the privilege of perceived neutrality, continued to bother me well into the new year. they bother me still. on the day in the present that i am writing this, it is international [working] women’s day, according to whoever decides these things.

also in january: after five reporters covered every conceivable angle of the inauguration, i was sent alone to cover the women’s march. i made the front page and i thought the print headline was weird and off-putting. i don’t think back on any part of january with fondness, except for the part where i saw a drunken astronaut give an amazingly concise speech. the president tried, and mostly succeeded, to ban refugees from entering the country. my brother slept over in DFW airport, passing out water bottles and screaming at the top of his lungs. my parents got home, weren’t sure where he’d gone, and then spotted him in the background of the coverage on the TV news. my cousin got her first period at the women’s march.

in february, zach was deciding where to go to college, and we gathered in austin on the flimsy pretense of data-gathering. it rained the whole time. most nights, on my walk home, i’d pass by protests. i went on a handful of unmemorable dates. rupsha’s aforementioned birthday, the best weekend of the month by far. more work.

in march and april: coverage of a new supreme court justice. some watercoloring and some beautiful weather with nathalia, and some time, but nowhere close to enough, with others. three different passover seders, many hours spent listening to aimee mann. the white house press secretary referred to concentration camps as “holocaust centers” and said, out loud, to other educated adults, that hitler “didn’t even sink to the level of using chemical weapons.”

just kidding: four different seders, including the best one, with rupsha, in new jersey. boo wore pink and miles found the afikomen. the anchor stayed in my stomach until the very end, but i saw more live music: overcoats with liz, the wild reeds with nathalia, where we stood right in the front, holding a plate of nachos and singing along.

in may i could see the light at the end of a tunnel and i flew to san francisco and i wanted to stay forever. at brunch, the young couple to our immediate left let us hold their sweet baby while they ate chicken biscuits. we went into a pirate-themed store and the department of imagination and we found a man in a storefront at the alleyway, embroidering at the end of the world. my stomach was hurting but it felt inevitable and fine.

i left my job two weeks early and drove home and didn’t feel better, and my brothers graduated high school. josh spent the week wearing dresses that suited him and walked the stage at graduation in well-fitting black heels.

the summer was a mixed bag. i sat and felt anxious in a workplace in which i felt i was not thriving, and sometimes i went home and had panic attacks. but my roommate was a comical nightmare, and i felt loved and embraced by a community that spread its arms in all directions. i crashed on couches and in beds every night of the last three weeks. i went to museums with my college roommates. we went to clubs and stayed out all night. K, still happily married, prodded me onto a surfboard. we went to lake placid and it was wonderful; we were in brooklyn and it was wonderful; i studied for the LSAT i still thought i would eventually take and stayed out late and it was wonderful. S visited and it was sometimes wonderful, and we had a conversation we had needed to have for a long, long time. by the time he reached the point he’d been avoiding, two days later, we were separated on the phone, and i stood on the street outside of rupsha’s apartment. i took notes and cried.

and then...what? i spent a week in malala, oregon, sleeping outside and flinging myself as far away from everything as i possibly could. i cried again in the airport and i wasn’t sure why. i moved to anchorage, alaska, and gradually fell in love, and maybe a post about this city is coming another day. i wrote a tiny bit about my job. i take two buses to work every day, and two buses home. i decided to run a 5k, and i half-walked half-ran with some regularity, and felt good about my body and also weird about my body. i ran the 5k. i went on more dates. i felt happy and unhappy. i went on a handful of hikes before the snow came down. i slept in a freezing cold and wind-battered tent. i made toddlers laugh and then i learned their names. we threw a birthday party for avril lavigne and watched old meg ryan movies on VHS. i listened to more great music. i made latkes and sufganiyot for hanukkah. one day erin and i came home from the gym one frosty morning only to find everyone standing on the back porch, watching two moose, a mama and a baby, taking a nap in our back yard.

on the last week of the year, i house-sat for a family with two high-energy dogs and one low-energy cat. i took allergy medicine and made good use of the borrowed car. i walked the dogs past streets named after the solar system and i drove the car down the highway and to frozen patches of beach along the coast. i spent new year’s eve in sweatpants at the blue fox. none of us wore any makeup and erin sang three karaoke songs with gusto. the countdown to 2018 took us all by surprise. i started reading more often. that was also very good.

#2017 #year in review #very belated #i'm not even bothering to reread this NOW

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captain-spookycandycollecti-blog · 6 years

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Can I still be on my parents car insurance policy if they are in a different state?

"Can I still be on my parents car insurance policy if they are in a different state?

I live in California while my family lives in Utah. I have been on my family policy and about a year ago I registered my car here in CA. CA requires insurance (which I have, but in UT). My family is still paying for my insurance but the license plate listed is my old Utah plate but I am unsure if that counts now that I have CA plates. Does anybody know details behind this?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Hey i just bought a 1992 3 litre twin turbo<--- they don't know that bit Toyota supra 2 door 2 seats black. I am 19 and the cheapest insurance policy i can find for it is 7 grand i have a years no claims and pass plus, so that seems a bit stupid to me, Anyone have any name and or numbers of insurance companies in the uk that are likely to do me a good deal 3rd party, Thanks guys.""

Do I need car insurance...?

I have a car that will not run at my residence but is still in my name. Do I still need to have car insurance on it? I have a personal insurance that just covers me but not on any specific car. I live in Florida if that helps.

Plz recommend good/affordable health insurance for 55+?

Looking for a good health insurance for my parents who are 55+. Is there such a thing as good and affordable??? Thanks!

""In North Carolina, do I need to have my own car and insurance to get an original license?""

I don't own a car, nor do I have insurance. I was planning on using my Dad's car to take the test. The handbook says that I need to present proof that I have insurance. I'm too poor to buy my own car.""

Can i getmy licence removed and get my vehicle inspected and get my car insurance on the same day?

ok here is the dilemma im a marine stationed at camp lejuene and im going back to new york in a few days. i need to get my license and my registration, inspection and car insurance in a few days(like 3)will my license go right into the system so i can go call my insurance company (usaa) and get insurance on it the same day then go back to the DVM and get the car registration. thxs kinda freaking bout this""

Adding someone to your car insurance policy?

I'm a new teen driver and as you may all know insurance rates are sky high. I was wondering if a family member, who doesn't live with me, can add me to their insurance policy? If yes, does the car have to be in their name? Or do I have to have the same address in order for them to add me?""

Going to buy a new car tomorrow. Insurance Question.?

I will be getting a new car tomorrow. (It is actually a used one from a dearership, but new to me). Anyways, I was wondering about insurance. I live in Minnesota where it's state law to have insurance and also I need insurance because I took out a loan. My plan was to get the insurance the next day. Would this be a problem? I would be driving my car around without insurance for a whole day. I still have my current car which is covered and I will be getting rid of quite soon but I wont be driving that tomorrow after the purchase is made. My questions are, would I get in trouble if I were pulled over and don't have insurance, and what happens if I get in an accident on my way home from the dealership?""

How much is classic car insurance in Ontario?

Hi, I'm looking at making a car purchase for the summer. I'm looking at a couple cars, including a '72 Dodge Dart and a '69 (?) Chevy Nova. I like both because they are, a) under $2000 dollars, b) are both in need of some TLC, and c) I've heard that classic car insurance CAN be cheaper than regular insurance. I'm 20 with a perfect driving record and a full G-license, but I know that doesn't usually matter to insurance companies. Any advice? I'd be buying for a daily driver, so is it even worth the effort despite the serious increase in cool-factor?""

Where can I get the best deal for auto insurance?

Currently my wife and I get our insurance through SafeCo. We're both in out mid-30s and have great driving records (mine is perfect). We're paying $188/month ('07 Pilot, '00 Tundra). Any recommendations on where we can get a better rate?""

Need inexpensive motorcycle insurance...?

I recently bought a Honda CBR600F4I and am looking for inexpensive insurance. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

What can I do about uninsured motorist?

I was driving at a green light and the person made a left turn into me without a turning signal. I swerved right to avoid them, but we still crashed. A car then hit me from behind because of it. Their car has no damage, but I'm pretty sure my car and car 1 is totaled. I'm worried because car 1 might not have insurance. I have a dislocated thumb, that I need surgery on and won't be able to work for a while. My job won't give me short term disability. I have liability insurance in PA. Do I find car 1? Can I go to car 2's insurance and get anything? I heard PA is a no fault state but I don't understand any of that. If anyone could explain anything to me and let me know what to do next, I would really appreciate that.""

Cheap auto insurance for new driver?

I was just wondering of anyone knows of an insurance company that will insure new drivers for a low cost. I know it's hard to find because it always costs more to insure younger drivers due to the likely hood of them getting into an accident. I don't have my license yet, but will have it estimated by June of 2013, by then I'll be 17. I'm going to get my permit sometime in January so I would need the insurance by then.""

What is the cheapest motorhome insurance to purchase online?

I just bought an older 26 ft. class c motorhome and need to get insurance just to put a plate on it so the city ordinance officer cant screw with me because it is parked in my driveway.I live in Michigan.I wont be using this until fall and dont want to insure this yet through my regular insurance carrier.Does anyone know of a online insurance company thats fairly cheap?

Which companies do temporary car insurance for under 21 year olds?

Everyone i find wants you to be over 21. Is there a company that give me temporary insurance? I am 18 years old Thanks

How much does your insurance go up after a DUI?

Also does old insurance let you back on or they kick you out? I think I was kicked off my dad's insurance... Is there a company I should look at that wouldn't be as expensive as others would since I have a DUI on my record? I'm a 21 yr old female from NJ

Can you buy/insure a car without a drivers license?

My bf and I are buying another car in November, which will be for my use when I get my full license (I currently only have my G1.) I would like to have it registered and insured in my name. Am I able to do this when I get the car or do I have to put it in his name and change it over when I get my full license? I live in Ontario. Thanks in advance.""

Would a Peugeot 406 1.9 Diesel 75BHp cost alot on insurance 4 a 17 year old lad? plz?

i want a pug 406, badly!!""

What does full auto insurance cover?

hi, i bought a 2005 saturn on sat. i am tryng to get insurance quotes, so what i need to know what exactly does full coverage include? details please!! NO RUDE ANSWERS!!!""

What's the best car insurance company 2 get the lowest price rates on a 74 caprice classic?

Question about car insurance?

my wife is new to this country and will just be getting her license soon. I am 27 and my insurance has just dropped below 100/month. How much would adding my wife who is 33 but never had US license and doesnt have credit make my insurance go up?

""CAR INSURANCE FOR A 17-YEAR-OLD, 5000 quotes. Genuinely can't find any quotes less than 5000.?""

1.3 KA 2002, immobiliser, no tracker fitted yet (intend on). Not bought the car. 17-year-old as the main driver and owner, passed a month ago (roughly). I know it's obvious, but KAs are the easiest cars to buy, the car is valued at 995 (the one in mind). I can literally find 5000 quotes. The car is worth less than one fifth of this. And yes, I know that car insurance will be expensive, but reading over forums etc, some people have managed to get it down to 2000. I've tried Diamond, elephant, comparethemarket, gocompare, literally everywhere. Admiral won't give me a quote and places like Tesco will only quote 18-year-olds. I will literally LOVE anyone who knows of any quotes around 2000-3000. And I realise that insurance companies take the Michael, but please don't state the obvious with a comment like Insurance will be expensive - 5000 is about right , surely it can't be, I've found so many forums of people saying they have quotes from 2000, but not telling me where from. ):""

Cheap V8 cars to buy? (under $15k)?

I am looking to buy my first car in about April and I need something cheap to start with as I will be selling it for a better car once I make the money. I am going to start working after April so need a cheap car to get to work. I have always been interested in V8's because of the sound. I would like a 4 door too. What do you have in mind?

What is The Cheapest Auto Insurance for A Beginner?

....

Can I still be on my parents car insurance policy if they are in a different state?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/would-insurance-cheaper-normal-car-marieke-fleming"

0 notes

sherristockman · 6 years

Link

Is Cognitive Training the Answer for Dementia? Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola Could computer-based cognitive training reduce your risk for dementia? According to recent research, it might. The study, said to be the first-ever randomized controlled trial to demonstrate an intervention effective at reducing dementia risk, found a specially developed brain exercise program lowered the risk by 29 percent over the course of 10 years.1,2,3,4,5 The research was led by Dr. Michael Merzenich, professor emeritus at the University of California, who has pioneered research in brain plasticity for more than 30 years. I’ve included my previous interview with him, in which he discusses these principles, for your convenience. With regard to this latest study, The Guardian writes:6 “The training was designed to speed up people’s visual information processing, for example by having them spot a car on a screen, and a truck on the periphery of their vision, at the same time. Those who are claimed to have benefited trained for an hour, twice a week, for five weeks, and some went on to have booster sessions at the end of the first and third years.” Too Early to Tell if Brain Training Is Effective Form of Prevention The participants’ cognitive ability was evaluated after the first six weeks, and again one, two, three, five and 10 years later. Participants who received memory training or reasoning training did not experience the same beneficial results. The benefit really appears to be limited to training that targets processing speed. As noted by lead researcher, psychiatrist Jerri Edwards, “We need to further delineate what makes some computerized cognitive training effective, while other types are not.” While the results are encouraging, the study does have its limitations. Science Alert explains:7 “First off, the finding that speed of processing training reduced dementia risk only just scrapes by in terms of statistical standards. Scientific convention holds that a p-value of 0.05 is the threshold for statistical relevance — any higher and it's possible the same result could occur by chance. Here, the reduced risk p-value was 0.049, meaning the result would almost be considered statistically irrelevant … Second, participants in the study self-reported their dementia, meaning they weren't clinically diagnosed as having the condition … ‘It's positive that this study compared several types of brain training and was both long term and large scale in nature,’ says the director of research at the Alzheimer's Society in the U.K., Doug Brown, who wasn't involved in the research. ‘However, as it relied on self-reporting of dementia in many cases rather than a robust clinical diagnosis, the results should be interpreted with caution.’" Others, such as Rob Howard, professor of old age psychiatry at the University College London,8 have pointed out it seems rather implausible that mere hours of cognitive training could translate into cognitive benefits 10 years later. “[I]t is worth bearing in mind that the results could have occurred by chance or as a consequence of uncontrolled confounding factors,” Howard says. “On the basis of this study, I won’t be recommending speed of processing training to my friends or patients.” Personally, I wouldn’t discourage anyone from doing cognitive training. Every little bit certainly helps, but you likely need to do it consistently, long-term. You also need to combine it with more foundational prevention strategies such as diet, exercise, sun exposure and electromagnetic field (EMF) avoidance. That said, if you want to try out some cognitive training, you can find a list of suggested programs in “Brain Health: Can These Tricks Make You Smarter?” Your Brain Keeps Growing and Changing Throughout Life While the results of this study clearly need to be replicated, there’s ample evidence to suggest you have the capacity to improve your brain function at any age. Until recently, it was believed the human brain could not generate new neural cells once brain cells died or were damaged. This old model is no longer relevant, as it’s been proven that your brain not only can generate new cells (neurogenesis), it can also create new neural pathways. This ability of your brain to change and adapt in response to experience is known as neuroplasticity.9 You can think of these neurological changes as your brain's way of tuning itself to meet your needs, which change over time. One example of this is when you’re learning a new skill. The more you focus and practice, the better you become, and this is a result of new neural pathways that form in response to your learning efforts. At the same time, your brain is undergoing “synaptic pruning” — elimination of the pathways you no longer need. This phenomenon applies to emotional states as well. For example, if you have a history of anxiety, your neural pathways become wired for anxiety. If you develop tools to feel calm and peaceful more of the time, those anxiety pathways are pruned away from lack of activity. “Use it or lose it” really does apply here. Besides life experiences and/or mental training, your brain’s plasticity is also controlled by your diet and lifestyle choices such as exercise. Despite what the media tells you, your brain is not "programmed" to shrink and fail as you age. The foods you eat, exercise, your emotional states, sleep patterns, your level of stress and exposure to EMF are all factors that influence your brain from one moment to the next. All of these factors also influence your genetic expression. It’s important to realize that any given gene is not in a static "on" or "off" position. You may be a carrier of a disease-activating gene that never gets expressed, simply because you never supply the required environment to turn it on. As previously explained by neurologist David Perlmutter: "We interact with our genome every moment of our lives, and we can do so very, very positively. Keeping your blood sugar low is very positive in terms of allowing the genes to express reduced inflammation, which increase the production of life-giving antioxidants. So that's rule No. 1: You can change your genetic destiny. Rule No. 2: You can change your genetic destiny to grow new brain cells ...You are constantly growing new brain cells … throughout your lifetime, through the process of neurogenesis.” How to Protect Your Brain With Wise Lifestyle Choices A number of simple lifestyle strategies have proven to promote neurogenesis, which will help protect against memory loss and dementia. This includes but is not limited to:10 • Exercise, especially high-intensity interval training. • Calorie restriction (intermittent fasting and/or multiple-day water fasting appears to have many of the same benefits while being easier to comply with). • Cyclical nutritional ketosis, i.e., a ketogenic diet high in healthy fats (including and especially animal-based omega-3 fats), low in net carbohydrates (non-vegetable carbs, especially grains and sugars) with a moderate amount of high-quality protein. According to Perlmutter, who wrote the book “Grain Brain,” a low-carb, high-fat diet is a key component of Alzheimer’s prevention. Gluten appears to be particularly problematic for brain health. • Sleep. Research11 shows sleeping well helps you retain information by growing dendritic spines, connections between brain cells that make it easier for information to pass across the synapses. Deep sleep is also essential for brain detoxification and waste removal. This includes the removal of amyloid-beta, proteins that form the plaque found in the brains of Alzheimer’s patients. If you do not sleep well or long enough, your brain will not be able to perform these basic cleanout processes. • Mnemonic devices — memory tools to help you remember words, information or concepts by organizing information into an easier-to-remember format. Examples include the use of acronyms (such as PUG for "pick up grapes"); visualizations (such as imagining a tooth to remember your dentist's appointment); rhymes (if you need to remember a name, for instance, think "Shirley's hair is curly); and chunking, which is breaking up information into smaller "chunks" (such as organizing numbers into the format of a phone number). Are You Getting Enough of These Important Brain Nutrients? Certain nutrients are also really important for optimal brain health. In addition to animal-based omega-3s, these include: • Vitamin D. Researchers have located metabolic pathways for vitamin D in the brain’s hippocampus and cerebellum; areas that are involved in planning, information processing and memory formation. In older adults, research has shown that low vitamin D levels are associated with poorer brain function. Patients with vitamin D levels below 20 ng/mL (50 nmol/L) were more likely to suffer cognitive impairment and slower reaction times. Studies have also confirmed vitamin D can help improve dementia, including its most severe form, Alzheimer’s disease.12 Keep in mind that if you take a vitamin D supplement, you may also need to increase your magnesium, calcium and/or vitamin K2, as all of these work in tandem. • Astaxanthin, a carotenoid that’s very good for reducing free radical-mediated damage to fat (which is what most of your brain is made of). Astaxanthin has also been found to reduce the accumulation of phospholipid hydroperoxidases, better known as PLOOH — compounds known to accumulate in the red blood cells of people who suffer from dementia13 — and some scientists believe astaxanthin could help prevent dementia, including Alzheimer's. The human diet does not contain very high amounts of astaxanthin, unless you eat loads of microalgae and sea creatures that consume the algae (such as salmon, shellfish, red trout and krill). The typical dose of astaxanthin when taken in supplement form is 2 to 4 milligrams (mg), but emerging evidence suggests you may need a lot more, depending on your health status. Dr. Robert Corish, author of “A Guide to Men’s Health: Easy Tips for a Long and Healthy Life,” believes 12 mg may be an optimal dose for brain and heart health. • Choline, an essential nutrient your body makes in small amounts. To get enough, you need to get it through your diet. In adults, choline helps keep your cell membranes functioning properly, plays a role in nerve communications and reduces chronic inflammation. Eggs and meat are two of the best dietary sources. If you do not consume animal foods, you may be at risk of a deficiency and want to consider supplementation. Last but not least, the state of your gut can also have a significant influence on your brain function. Your gut is quite literally your "second brain.” Just as you have neurons in your brain, you also have neurons in your gut, and gut bacteria transmit information from your GI tract to your brain via your vagus nerve. In addition to avoiding sugar, one of the best ways to support gut health is to consume fermented vegetables, which are loaded with beneficial bacteria. Mitochondrial Dysfunction Is at the Heart of Alzheimer’s Download Interview Transcript I recently interviewed Dr. Dale Bredesen, director of neurodegenerative disease research at the UCLA School of Medicine and author of “The End of Alzheimer’s: The First Program to Prevent and Reverse Cognitive Decline.” If you missed it, I highly recommend viewing it now (for the full interview, see the original article, linked above). Bredesen has identified more than four dozen variables that can have a significant influence on Alzheimer’s, but at the heart of it all is mitochondrial dysfunction. This makes logical sense when you consider that your mitochondria are instrumental in producing the energy currency in your body, and without energy, nothing will work properly. Your mitochondria are also where a majority of free radicals are generated, so when your lifestyle choices produce higher amounts of free radicals, dysfunctions in mitochondria are to be expected. The accumulation of mutations in mitochondrial DNA are also a primary driver of age-related decline. Importantly, Bredesen’s work sheds light on why amyloid is created in the first place. Amyloid production is actually a protective response to different types of insults, each of which is related to a specific subtype of Alzheimer’s. Bredesen explains: “If you’ve got inflammation going on, you are making amyloid because … it is a very effective endogenous antimicrobial. [I]n that case, it’s not really a disease … [It’s] a falling apart of the system. You’re making amyloid because you’re fighting microbes, because you’re … inflamed, because you are decreased in your trophic support (insulin resistance, and so on) or because [you’re toxic]. Guess what amyloid does beautifully? It binds toxins like metals, mercury and copper. It’s very clear you’re making [amyloid] to protect yourself. It’s all well and good if you want to remove it, but make sure to remove the inducer of it before you remove it. Otherwise, you’re putting yourself at risk.” The program Bredesen developed is a comprehensive approach that addresses the many variables of Alzheimer’s at their roots. Interestingly, if you have the ApoE4 gene, which increases your risk for Alzheimer’s, you would be wise to implement intermittent fasting or do longer fasts every now and then. In fact, this gene appears to be a strong clinical indication that you need to fast on a regular basis to avoid Alzheimer’s. The reason for this is because the ApoE4 gene helps your body survive famine. Unfortunately, it also promotes inflammation. Fasting appears to help cancel out this inflammatory proclivity. Alzheimer’s Screening Tests Bredesen also recommends a number of screening tests to help tailor a personalized treatment protocol. For example, if you have insulin resistance, you want to improve your insulin sensitivity. If you have inflammation, then you’ll work on removing the source of the proinflammatory effect. If your iron is elevated, you’ll want to donate blood to lower it, and so on. Alzheimer’s Screening Tests Test Recommended range Ferritin 40 to 60 ng/mL GGT Less than 16 U/L for men and less than 9 U/L for women 25-hydroxy vitamin D 40 to 60 ng/mL You can get the test here High-sensitivity CRP Less than 0.9 mg/L (the lower the better) Fasting Insulin Less than 4.5 mg/dL (the lower the better) Omega-3 index and omega 6:3 ratio Omega-3 index should be above 8 percent and your omega 6-to-3 ratio between 0.5 and 3.0 You can get the omega-3 index test here TNF alpha Less than 6.0 TSH Less than 2.0 microunits/mL Free T3 3.2-4.2 pg/mL Reverse T3 Less than 20 ng/mL Free T4 1.3-1.8 ng/mL Serum copper and zinc ratio 0.8-1.2 Serum selenium 110-150 ng/mL Glutathione 5.0-5.5 μm Vitamin E (alpha tocopherol) 12-20 mcg/mL Body mass index (which you can calculate yourself) 18-25 ApoE4 (DNA test) See how many alleles you have: 0, 1 or 2 Vitamin B12 500-1,500 Hemoglobin A1c Less than 5.5 (the lower the better) Homocysteine 4.4-10.8 mcmol/L Photobiomodulation for Brain Health I also want to touch on the topic of photobiomodulation which, if preliminary findings are any indication, offer tremendous hope for dementia and Alzheimer’s patients. It also appears to be a powerful preventive strategy. Earlier this year, I interviewed Dr. Lew Lim about the use of near-infrared therapy to treat Alzheimer’s disease, and how you can use light therapy to radically reduce your risk. Recent animal research has shown that introducing gamma frequencies into the brain significantly reduces the amyloid plaques associated with Alzheimer’s.14 Lim hopes that by targeting the hippocampus and other memory consolidation areas of the brain with gamma frequency, he may be able to achieve better outcomes in people with more advanced Alzheimer’s — people for whom there is currently no hope whatsoever. Near-infrared light is thought to work by interacting with cytochrome c oxidase (COO) — one of the proteins in the inner mitochondrial membrane and a member of the electron transport chain. COO is a chromophore, a molecule that attracts and feeds on light. When you eat food, the nutrients nourish your cells and provide fuel for biological functions. But food is not your body’s sole source of fuel. Sunlight is also a source (about 40 percent of the energy in sunlight is near-infrared). Unfortunately, few clinicians have any idea that light is a powerful fuel for your body. In my view, this ignorance is one of the reasons why Alzheimer’s disease is skyrocketing in prevalence, as so many are routinely avoiding sensible sun exposure. The same can be said for the last topic I want to address, namely EMF exposure. EMFs — A Wildly Underestimated Contributor to Alzheimer’s Last year, Martin Pall, Ph.D., published a review15 in the Journal of Neuroanatomy showing how microwave radiation from cell phones, Wi-Fi routers and computers and tablets (when not in airplane mode) is clearly associated with many neuropsychiatric disorders, including Alzheimer’s. The way microwaves emitted from devices such as these end up harming your health in general, and brain specifically, is by increasing intracellular calcium through the voltage gated calcium channels (VGCCs) in your cells. The tissues with the highest density of VGCCs are your brain, the pacemaker in your heart, and male testes. Once VGCCs are stimulated, they trigger the release of neurotransmitters, neuroendocrine hormones and highly damaging reactive oxygen species, significantly raising your risk of anxiety, depression and neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s. Based on this mechanism, it seems clear that chronic exposure to EMFs can play a significant role in dementia, and that as a society we need to take this very seriously. On a personal level, be sure to limit your exposure to wireless technology. Simple measures include turning your Wi-Fi off at night, not carrying your cellphone on your body and not keeping portable phones, cellphones and other electric devices in your bedroom. I also strongly recommend turning off the electricity to your bedroom at the circuit breaker every night. This typically works for most bedrooms unless you have an adjacent room, in which case you might need to shut that off too. This will radically lower electric and magnetic fields while you sleep. This will help you get better, more sound sleep, allowing your brain to detoxify and cleanse itself out each night. As you can see, there are a number of things you can do to prevent dementia and Alzheimer’s, but it does require you to be proactive.

#VitalityPath

0 notes

careergrowthblog · 6 years

Text

Teachers describe their worst injury at work

For some reason, when I ask a question about people’s worst experiences I get far more clear answers to the question, alongside complaints about that I have a sinister agenda and demands that teachers be silent.

My latest question was:

What’s the worst injury you’ve suffered while working as a teacher?

I’ve had fewer complaints about this one, although somebody did sarcastically ask why I didn’t ask for people’s best injury. I’ve ignored the many responses where people discussed damage that was only to their pride, credibility or dreams. I haven’t included discussion of mental health as that’s been covered in previous posts. Also most (but not all) of the people telling me about their paper cuts have been left out. As ever, I followed up the more suspicious ones, but may still have been fooled. The thread can be found here.

I shot myself in the arm… though it wasn’t with a firearm. With the top of an exploding 2 L[itre] bottle. Lab coat had the bloodstains to prove it. I was utterly, utterly mind-bendingly stupid and learned a very great deal in about a third of a second

30 mini whiteboards fell out of cupboard onto my head – 1 at a time – 4 hrs in A&E and head glued back together – very painful … my fault for not putting them away properly

Caught a ring on a door handle and it cut into my finger so deeply it needed to be cut off by a mechanic at the garage across the road.

Paper cut… on my eyeball. Child did it by accident. It was horrific! Needed anaesthetic drops for a few days.

Basketball hit me full in the mouth…whilst I had a whistle in it…lost two teeth. The cost of getting them replaced was the real shock of the whole ordeal. My savings took as much damage as my mouth did.

Last Friday of this half-term – college laptop trolly rolled into my 2 biggest toes on left foot. Same foot as plantar fasciitis & Achilles tendinitis issues. I didn’t use the ‘f’ word as student was with me.

Hypermobility + a few months of sitting on tiny children’s chairs caused lower-back go into semi-permanent spasm. Had to ask for adult chair Policy was for child-centred classrooms with no adult desk or chairs- teachers to be ‘working with group or individuals at all times’ Was told ‘If we give a teacher a chair, the problem with that is that they will sit down and not get up from it’ So, the ideal was for T[eacher] to stand or kneel near a table, or sit on a child’s chair, or sit on the floor.

As new H[ead]T[eacher], went to U[pper]K[ey]S[tage]2 Xmas party, vaulted over bench to leave hall and removed 4 square inches of skin from bald head on door frame. Was away at a meeting with the L.A. the next day, by the evening local rumours were that I was in hospital with head injuries

1) Staple in my finger. 2) Banged my knee a few times.3) Catching my arm on door handles.4) Heart attack.5) Trapping my finger in a drawer.

1) got tangled in cables like a giant fly in a spider web 2) slipped down a muddy slope in front of the entire school while on bus duty. Massive bruising and huge embarrassment both times. Although a kind Year 11 helped me up out of the mud & didn’t laugh while the other 1499 students pissed themselves.

nearly lost my left hand in a horrendous accident on school trip! 10 ops later it’s as good as it will be. there’s the proof. …had hold of the seat in front as the coach rolled and then slid down m6… window broke…. Had to have it stitched into my stomach for 4 weeks for a flap to cover I know even I gulped when the doc suggested it! I was a ‘little teapot for a month. it was a nightmare!! They needed the blood vessels to join… 9 hour op too! I should add the NUT were fab … Their solicitor was superb

Slipped a disc lifting student into water ambulance during school trip to Venice. Contracted TB (possibly not at school, but sounds good).

I was hit by falling scaffolding once.

Grade 3 tear of gastrocnemius. Happened on sports day. Exactly coincided with pistol to start 100 m[e]t[re]s. I thought I had been shot. True story.

Broke a burette off in my thumb last year and severed a nerve. Still no feeling in it.

Definitely a student moving chair onto foot whilst sat on it

Concussion- could see children messing around for TA & glared at them-ch[ildre]n stopped- missed footing on last 5 steps…cue pratfall/f[ore]w[ar]d roll

Exhausted by overworking and unreasonable demands, I completely missed a step and fell down stairs. Thought “Didn’t get a degree for this”.

Pulled my back celebrating a spectacular comeback by the Y[ear] 8 football team was coaching back in the day. Took 3 month’s chiropractic to sort.

Missed a step covered in a drift of leaves & fell full length.Usual hilarity from students tempered by fact that I was 8 months pregnant.

Broke a finger attempting to stop a rugby ball from hitting a spectator. Still hit her, but on the back rather than on the head.

Crashed my motorcycle on the way to school. Still got in. My form saw the blood on my leg. Got ambulance. Came back from hospital to teach.

Ruptured my thigh muscle taking a penalty against a year 7 on lunch duty. Went top corner though so not all bad [this was from my former form tutor, but I’m assuming I’m not implicated as it was “1st year” not “year 7” back then]

Prolapsed disk when the caretaker used the wrong polish on the floor turning it into a skating rink!

Husband snapped achilles tendon, teaching football on astros…

Temporarily blinded as lid came off the copydex mid shake. Shouted “Shit!” loudly which shocked kids more than my eyes covered in glue.

Spine surgery from writing too many schemes of work without good back support. I took on a dept[artment] in 2nd y[ea]r of career, managed all of SLT and there was nothing. Had an op in 2009 and learned a lot about life in that year!

Accidental broken toe. Me vs. heavy box of music stands. Helpful child said ‘you can swear if you like miss – looked like it hurt’. It did.

I scraped my shin and badly injured my pride falling-off a chair balanced on a table, as I put up a display… as a class quietly worked… and I dislocated my knee in a Staff Vs Parents hockey match.

Almost broke fingers and arm, grassboarding down a slope on y[ea]r 7 activity holiday session!

being bitten. Also having a chair leg land on my foot (sandals

Molten jelly baby flew out of boiling tube onto my hand during open evening demo. I kept smiling

Sort of injury, kidney stones from not drinking enough water during school day. Agony for 2 days. Now I know opioids REALLY work.

slipped on a wet corridor and broke a finger pride also suffered considerable injury. After year 11 stopped convulsing with laughter following my very slapstick slip they did show great concern and sympathy

Sewed through my finger on a sewing machine whilst helping Year 11. Just about managed not to bleed on her coursework!

Ice skating lesson with a school group in 1988 & stuck the rear right boot spike through my left boot. Stab wound & 2 broken bones in foot!

Fractured my arm after falling off a ladder putting Christmas dec[oration]s up or scalded my foot after dropping an urn of hot water.

Electric shocks from various electricity experiments, and falling over and hurting my thumb.

Ran a ski trip to Italy and chair lift bar fell on my head, lots of blood and was taken down the slope in the blood-wagon. Tried to walk through a swing door which was normally well oiled, unfortunately this time it wasn’t and I went head first into the glass!

Stitches in a finger due to a stubborn classroom locker. Expletives were used. Entire Year 4 class were shocked. Hospital swiftly attended.

cracked patella jumping rope with 3rd graders

Mild concussion. Projector screen fell from roof hit me on head.

A bruised backside when I slipped on ice taking Tutor group to Xmas carol service. They kindly picked me up.

Slipped a disc standing up from my chair whilst teaching a PSHE lesson. Needed [other teachers] to carry me away from class!!

Fell off a table whilst putting up a display. Did my knee good and proper

I stapled my finger when putting up a display. Ive also caught thousands of colds (but that’s illness not injury).

My funniest injury at sch[ool]: stapled my fingers together whilst holding a stapler & teaching.

Electric shock off a whiteboard…it certainly made me jump!!

Torn my knee ligaments jumping on a trampoline

During my PGCE I dislocated my shoulder from stopping a pass in a lunchtime basketball game.

Fractured my humerus, two ribs and cut my eyebrow… I fell

Trapped arm in a door while restraining a student (Special needs School) [went to] A&E

Regularly I have bruises mid thigh from walking into tables

I slipped in the dining hall on a sausage and did a strange somersault, a plate crashed to the floor bounced up & and sliced open my cheek

Tripped up stairs on the way to a lesson, laptop went flying, smashed my head on the handrail, knocked myself out, in front of students

Punched in the temple by a y[ear] 8 boy. Headbutted (didn’t connect) by an angry y[ear] 11. Wallet nicked by a y[ear] 11 that I had spent hours supporting.

Lice, scabies and flea bites. All in a days work. Oh yes. And a tub of black powder paint with no lid, fell off a shelf on my head. Scary sight.

Torn [anterior cruciate ligament] in right knee whilst separating two Year 9 boys fighting!

Once thought it good idea to remove OHP bulb immediately after it blew. Fingerprints returned after a few months

I ripped a muscle in my lower back moving a filing cabinet. Had waited for the site agent for 5 days and got tired of waiting. won’t make the mistake again, will just wait nicely!

Bumped into a table (fixed to the floor). Bruise on my thigh is about 10 cm long, 5 cm high. Done this almost every month, for 20 y[ears].

Broke a tooth on school pitta bread…

Dropped a recycling bin on my foot and lost a toenail.

Got slapped around the face and then kicked twice one morning.

Burnt most of my hand when I didn’t use a long enough fuse for a flash powder demonstration

I fell off my bike in front of the main entrance, causing moderate but prolonged reputational damage.

Put a staple through my finger while putting up a display.

Badly cut knee and ripped suit after attempting to show Y[ear] 6 boys,playing football on the playground, ‘how it’s done’.

Took an “accidentally released” rounders bat to the gentleman’s area. If I wasn’t the recipient it would have been funny.

Partially tore ligaments while mucking about being a wolf in the playground

Tripped on cracked car park tarmac, burst knee wide open. Lots of stitches

I broke my foot at 7am at school on a dodgy paving slab and then walked around on it for the rest of the day before getting an X-ray. I also once dropped molten hot sulfur on my hand while doing a demo,had to teach the rest of my lesson with my hand in a bowl of cold water

Fell 2 steps walking down unlit stairs and twisted ankle. Had an xray and 2 days off work.

Cut my finger open whilst shutting a toilet door I spotted was ajar. Kid in my class provided me with loo roll from his bag that he kept there with a torch in case he needed to go for a poo in the dark! Not sure which event was the weirdest.

Fell off a chair doing a display- Huge bruise black on arm…despite just saying to students always use a chair for its intended purpose!

I broke my ankle in the middle of one of my [physical education] classes.

Broke bone in coccyx. Also got pneumonia from sewage has when basement flooded. Illness rather than injury really.

My eye got cut from a student’s nail when playing basketball with them. Lost a high % of peripheral vision in my right eye.

I’ve suffered a cut lip when a child I was sitting next to shot his hand up a little enthusiastically. Still think he did it on purpose

There have been a couple of reasonably serious injuries in the staff-sixth form football. Not to me though.

Banging my head – It’s not easy being a giant.

[From a school business manager] There was the time I was walking along a corridor & a teacher opened an outward opening door & pole-axed me. They were mortified..

Got punched by a parent, but wasn’t injured, and in retrospect she was probably in the right. Who was I to tell her son to tuck in his shirt?

Shut the filing cabinet in my classroom and trapped my nipple in it. No idea how I managed that..

Teachers describe their worst injury at work published first on http://ift.tt/2uVElOo

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karlyhokes · 7 years

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GENERAL WOMANHOOD:

i ANSWERED THE QUESTIONS IN 1 HOUR AND 19 MINUTES...

1. Do you like the color pink? No I do Not 2. Did you play with Barbie dolls as a child? YES, I LOVED MY BARBIES 3. How easily do you cry? SEMI EASY 4. What is the silliest thing you’ve ever cried over? FEAR. WHEN I AM REALLY NERVOUS I CRY OVER THE SILLIEST THINGS AND NOT SAYING THAT FEAR IS SILLY BUT IT’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO BECAUSE IF YOU COULD CHANGE IT THEN YOU WOULDN’T BE AFRAID IN THE FIRST PLACE. 5. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad? I DON’T EAT 6. How moody are you when you are you are on your period? I AM NOT SURE I HAVEN’T HAD A PERIOD IN 5 YEARS DUE TO MY MIRINA. 7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? YES, WITH TORREY I THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT TWICE AND I WOULD OF PROUDLY HAD AN ABORTION BECAUSE I KNOW HE WOULDN’T HAVE WANTED IT. HE TOLD ME. 8. Have you ever been on the pill? YES I HATED IT. MADE ME FEEL SICK EVERY MORNING 9. Would you ever want to have children someday? YESSSSS, NOW THAT I HAVE THE ONE I LOVE THE MOST. SHE WANTS CHILDREN AND I WANT CHILDREN. MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS THAT I WOULD BRING CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD AND MY SPOUSE WOULD LEAVE ME, CHEAT ON ME, OR SOMETHING STUPID AND HONESTLY!!!! I CAN’T HANDLE THAT AND IT’S NOT FAIR TO THE KIDS. I WAS A VICTIM OF A BROKEN HOME AND IT BROKE A LOT OF ME… 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? NO I HAVEN’T BUT I WOULDN’T MIND IT. I PROBABLY WILL CRY THE WHOLE TIME AND HOLLER AND SCREAM I AM NOT SURE LOL. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WILL BE VERY SCARED.. 11. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? TO BE 22 I HAVEN’T MADE ANYTHING THAT I COULDN’T COOK. 12. What is your favorite thing to cook? SPAGHETTI 13. Can you sew? NO THAT’S WHAT I HAVE MY DAD FOR AND MY GRANDMA 14. Do you consider yourself a feminist? YES VERY!!! I CAN’T STAND MEN WHO FEEL LIKE WOMEN AREN’T EQUAL TO THEM AND I CAN’T STAND WOMEN WHO FEEL BELOW A MAN… EFF THEM 15. How do you define “girl power?” IF WE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT WE CAN DO ANYTHING A MAN CAN DO. CUT GRASS HELL YEA I CAN GET A TAN WHILE DOING IT, PLANT FLOWERS, COOK, CLEAN, CHANGE A DAMN DIAPER, EVERYTHING. I ALSO BELIEVE A WOMEN WITH POWER IS A WOMEN OF CLASS AND CONFIDENCE. IF YOU LACK EITHER ONE OF THEM YOU DON’T HAVE POWER BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE RUNNING YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN. IF YOU ARE CONFIDENT BECAUSE OF THE CLOTHES ON YORU BACK OR BECAUSE YOUR “MAN” GIVE YOU MONEY WHEN HE WANTS AND LETS YOU DO STUFF WHEN HE TELLS YOU CAN THEN THAT’S NOT POWER. POWER IS WHEN 2 ADULTS CAN MAKE EXECUTIVE DECISIONS IN 1 HOUSEHOLD, POWER IS WHEN A MOTHER CAN RAISE 5 KIDS ON HER OWN JUST LIKE A MAN SHOULD BE ABLE TOO, POWER IS YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SLEEP WITH A GUY TO FEEL ACCOMPLISHED YOU SHOULD BEABLE TO GET OFF BY YOURSELF. THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS TOWARD POWER BUT MOST OF ALL MY FIANCE AND I ARE EQUAL IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I BELIEVE THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT SO HEALTHY. 16. Have you ever wished you were born a male? – HELL NO. 17. Breastfeeding or formula? TRY BREASTFEEDING BUT I WILL NOT ONLY NURSE. THEY WILL ALWAYS RECEIVE BREAST MILK UNTIL THEY ARE A YEAR AND A HALF YEARS YOUNG. BUT, THEY WILL BE OFF THE TIT AT 3 MONTHS CONSISTANTLY MEANING IF I AM HOME AND THE FAMILY ISN’T DOING MUCH I WILL NURSE BUT IF WE ARE VISITING FAMILY ETC THEN I WILL PUMP BOTTLES FOR THE MUNCHKIN TO BE FED BY OTHER PEOPLE. AT 6- 9 MONTHS I WILL ONLY NURSE TWICE A DAY AND THE REST WILL BE FROM BOTTLES. I WILL NURSE THEM IN THE MORNING WHEN THEY ARE WAKING UP, AND AT NIGHT BEFORE BED. I PLAN TO STORE MILK (AS MUCH AS I CAN) FOR OUR NEXT BABY WHICH WILL BE IN 2-3 YEARS SO I WILL KEEP IT IN A DEEP FREEZER SO I DON’T HAVE TO PUT MY BREAST THROUGH SO MUCH. 9-18 MONTHS THEY WILL BE NURSED AT NIGHT ONLY AND THEY WILL HAVE A SIPPY CUP OF BREAST MILK FOR BREAKFAST AND FOR LUNCH. SO THAT’S WHAT I PLAN TO DO FOR OUR LITTLE KIDDOS. MY WIFE WILL PROBABLY BE DIFFEERNT. 18. What is your opinion of equal pay? – HELL YEAH WE BOTH WORK EQUALLY SO I SHOULD GET PAID THE SAME WAY AS JOHN DOE 19. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? PRO CHOICE. IF YOU ARE A WHORE AND CONSTANTLY GETTING ABORATIONS THEN YOU NEED TO HAVE A RESTRITION BECAUSE 1. IT’S NOT FAIR TO YOUR SPOUSE ONE DAY WHEN THEY WANT A FAMILY BUT CAN’T HAVE ONE BECAUSE YOU WERE LOVING THE CREW. 2. TO EVERY CHOICE IN LIFE THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES AND SOME GIRLS LIVE BY OH PLEASE DON’T LET ME GET PREGO NOT BITCH YOU NEED TO BE SAYING PLEASE DON’T LET ME GET A STD. PREGO PEOPLE USUALLY IS GOD’S WAY OF SAVING YOU AND TRYING TO GET YOU TO CALM DOWN. BUT, IF YOU ARE SICK AND YOU KNOW YOUR BABY WILL BE RETARDED OR DUE TO YOUR ILLNESS IT WILL BE HARMFUL FOR YOUR BABY THEN YOU SHOULD ABORED IT I AM SORRY BUT HEALTH COMES FIRST AND YOU CAN ALWAYS RETRY. SO TO ME IT’S CHOICE BUT ALSO BASED ON CIRCUMSTANCES. 20. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. – Have I? OH YES I GET IT ALL THE TIME. I LEFT MY LAST JOB BECAUSE OF A MAN RUBBING HIS PENISE WHILE LOOKING AT ME DURING MEETING. LIKE UHHHHHH IT PISSES ME OFF SO PLEASE KNOW I HAVE. HE TOLD ME YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MY HOUSE BITCH SINCE YOU ARE BIRACIAL AND HE SAID HE WOULD SLEEP WITH ME EVERY SINGLE NIGHT UNTIL I GAVE HIM BROWN BABIES AND ONCE I WOULD DELIVERY HE WOULD EJACULATE IN ME AGAIN. UM NO SIR. THANK’S THOUGH. 21. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? HOW EMOTIONALL FUCKED UP THEY ARE… HE’S SO SAD BECAUSE GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND BUT I BELIEVE THEY DON’T UNDER BECAUSE THEY HONESLTY DON’T KNOW. 22. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I’m a woman because I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM FULL, I AM FREE, AND BECAUSE I AM HAPPY. LIFE EXPERIENCES: 23. Have you ever been a Girl Scout? –MY MOM LIVED BY GIRL SCOUTS 24. Have you ever been a ballerina?YES I DANCED FOR 19 YEARS AND 16 OUT OF THE 19 YEARS I WAS A COMPETITOR. IT WAS REQUIRED TO DO BALLE WHILE COMPETING. 25. Have you ever been a cheerleader?YES THROUGH COLLEGE, THE BEST EXPERIENCE. 26. Were you ever voted as a homecoming or prom queen? –HOMECOMING I WAS NOMINATED TWICE BUT NEVER GOT IT. I WENT TO A MONEY HUNGRY HIGH SCHOOL SO IF YOU DIDN’T COME FROM MONEY THEN YOU DIDN’T WIN ANYTHING. I ALSO COMPETITED IN PAGEANTS THROUGH MY LIFE AND I WOULD WIN LIKE MISS. SOUTH CAROLINA ETC BUT WHEN I COMPETED IN HIGH SCHOOL I NEVER WON BECAUSE EMMA WEBB’S PARENTS WERE IN THE PTA AND THEY WOULD BUY HER OUT SO SHE COULD WIN. I SWEAR I HATE POOR LOOSERS. HOW DO I KNOW THIS STUFF? UMM I WAS GREAT FRIENDS WITH 1 OF THE JUDGES AND THEY SHOWED ME MY SCORES AND THEY WERE 5 POINTS HIGHER THEN EMMAS. 27. Have you ever hosted a sleepover?MATTER OF FACT I AM HOSTING ONE TONIGHT AND TOMORROW NIGHT. UH I AM GOING TO BE TIRED. BUT IT WILL BE FUN 28. Do you belong to a sorority?HELL NO, I AM NOT PARTICIPATED IN A GROUP OF GIRLS WHO I HAVE TO PAY TO BE MY FRIEND 29. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal?YES I STILL DO CURRENTLY INSTEAD OF IT BEING MY JOURNAL IT’S MY PERSONAL GROWTH DIARY 30. American ladies: did you vote for Hillary Clinton?YES I DID BUT IT’S NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS A WOMEN. I DIDN’T WANT D. TRUMP TO BE PRESIDENT BUT WE DON’T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: 31. What is the longest your hair has ever been? –THE LENGTH IT IS RIGHT NOW. PAST MY BRA. I AM GOING TO SEE HOW LONG IT GETS BY THANKSGIVING AND THEN MY BIRTHDAY AND IF IT’S LONG ENOUGH I AM GOING TO GET LAYERS PUT IN IT. 32. Have you ever cut your hair super short?THE SHORTEST I HAVE EVER CUT MY HAIR, IS TO MY SHOULDERS AND I CUT 7 INCHES OFF OF MY HAIR. 33. What hairstyle do you wear the most? –CURLY I WEAR IT UP IN A BUN IF IT’S STRAIGHT I WEAR IT DOWN 34. Have you ever dyed your hair? –NOPE MY HAIR NATURALLY CHANGES COLORS DUE TO THE WEATHER. WINTER IT’S DARK DARK BROWN, FALL IT’S SANDY BLONDISH BROWN, SUMMER IT’S REALLY LIGHT BROWN LIKE REALLY LIGHT, AND SPRING IT’S SANDY BLONDISH BROWN. SO THERE’S NO NEED FOR DYE. 35. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?WHAT I WEIGH NOW 148. UHHH I AM GOING TO START RUNNING AGAIN. BACK TO THE GYM I GO NEXT WEEK. 36. How muscular are you? –I HAVE FORM IN MY ARMS AND LEGS. I HAVE 21% BODY FAT WHICH THEY SAY IS GOOD. 37. Are your ears pierced? -YES 38. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ears?YES BELLY BUTTON 39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? –NOPE – IDK IF I WANT ANY EITHER 40. How often do you wear lipstick or lipgloss? –ABOUT 2- 3 TIMES A WEEK DEPENDS ON HOW BUSY MY WEEK IS 41. How often do you paint your nails? –Never! I get my nails done once a month 42. Have you ever worn any fake eyelashes or fake nails? –FAKE EYELASHES YES BUT THEY ARE A PAIN SO I HATE WEARING THEM. FAKE NAILS NOPE! I GET POWDER OVER THE TOP OF MY REAL NAILS AND THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. 43. How often do you shave/wax your legs? –ONCE A WEEK – SHAVE I DO NOT WAX BECAUSE I AM NOT THAT HAIRY 44. How white are your teeth? –SEMI WHITE I NEED TO BLEACH THEM THIS WEEKEND 45. What do you think is your best physical feature? –MY CURVY BODY AND MY LIPS 46. What do you think is your worst physical feature? –I STRONGLY DISLIKE MY THIGHS 47. Do you have a “look” (i.e. a mad/annoyed/upset stare)? –YES I HAVE A MAD LOOK 48. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? – THAT’S ALL I DO FASHION STYLE: 49. What is your favorite fashion brand? –ANYTHING JESSICA SIMPSON OR JENNIFER LOPEZ 50. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? –YES ABOUT ONCE A WEEK 51. What is your dress size? -4 52. Do you wear any high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often?2-3 TIMES A WEEK 53. Have you ever worn high heels casually? YES LOVE IT 54. How often do you wear a bra?EVERYWHERE 55. Does it matter if your bra and panties match or not?NOPE UNLESS I AM GETTING BUSY 56. Which are you more likely to go without: a bra or panties?PANTIES 57. How much of your underwear is white?ABOUT ½ I LOVE WHITE 58. Have you ever worn a skirt or a dress without any panties underneath?NOPE 59. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? –Mid thigh 60. How expensive was your prom dress? –CHEAPEST DRESS I’VE EVER OWNED. 61. What clothing item do you own the most of (if shirts, be specific to what kind)?MISS ME JEANS 62. How much jewelry do you typically wear? –WATCH, 3 PANDORA BRACELTS, 1 DECORATIVE NECKLACE, MY CROSS NECKLACE & MY ENGAGEMENT RING 63. How much makeup do you typically wear? –EYE SHADOW, BRONZER, AND MASCARA WITH LIPSTICK 64. Do you like eyeshadow? -NAKED BABY 65. Do you carry a purse? -YES 66. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: In your hand, on your elbow, or on your elbow?ELBOW OR SHOULDER 67. How big is your closet? –ROOM SIZE 68. Have you ever looked through your closet an thought “I have nothing to wear”?ALL THE TIME 69. Have you ever worn the same outfit more than once? –DON’T LIKE TO BUT I BELIEVE I HAVE 70. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? –I LIKE BOTH 71. Have you ever worn a mismatched bikini?YES 72. Do you like tube and halter tops-YES 73. Do you like crop tops? -NOPE 74. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage?HELL YES THAT’S SEXY WEDDING CRAZE: 75. Have you ever been a bridesmaid?NOPE 76. Would you ever want to get married?YES AFTER I AM 25 77. For how long have you thought about your wedding?NOW 3 MONTHS 78. How much of your wedding do you already have planned out?COLORS, USHERS, BRIDESMEN, LOCATION STATE, A LOT OF IT. 79. Indoor or outdoor wedding?OUTDOORS 80. Would you want to have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple?A LOT DATING & RELATIONSHIPS: 81. What is your current relationship status?ENGAGED 82. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic?NO I DON’T 83. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to?NOPE – TECHNICALLY I LOST IT TO BOTH GENDERS. A MAN AND A WOMEN A FEW YEARS LATER. 84. What personality trait are you most attracted to?CONFIDENT, JOCK, BUT FUN 85. Have you ever been on a blind date?NO I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN 86. Has anyone ever tried to set you up on a date?YES AND IT DIDN’T WORK I AM TYPE A PERSONALITY 87. Do you kiss on a first date?NOPE 88. How often do guys hit on you?ALL THE TIME 89. Have you ever kissed another woman? If so, did you like it?JUST SHELBY 90. Have you ever dated another woman?JUST SHELBY 91. Is sex before marriage wrong?NOT IN MY OPINION. 92. After how long would you start to consider a relationship to be serious?FROM DAY 1, BUT PROBABLY MOVING TOWARD THE NEXT STEP SUCH AS LIVING TOGETHER AT THE 2 YEAR MARK. 93. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate or flowers?NEITHER ENTERTAINMENT: 94. What celebrity do you most admire?JENNIFER LOPEZ. 95. Do you like romantic comedies? Any favorites? -NOPE 96. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? –YES PRETTY WOMEN 97. Who is your favorite Disney princess? –BELLE FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 98. What is your favorite Disney song? –BEUATY AND THE BEAST SOUND TRACK 99. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? –I SHOULD 100. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? –OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW – MY FAVORITE SHOW/ MOVIES 101. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model?NOPE 102. Do you read romantic novels? If so, do you have any recommendations?NICKOLAS SPARKS 103. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? –I LIKE BOTH BUT I WOULD GO WITH BEYONCE 104. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? –ELLEN ALL DAY….. A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 105. Are you named after anyone?NOPE 106. How many male friends do you have?USE TO HAVE LIKE 15 NOW I HAVE NONE 107. Have you ever called your female friends your girlfriends? -1 108. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, dear, babe, or darling?YES 109. Have you ever dotted your I’s with a heart or a smiley face?WHEN I WAS YOUNGER 110. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design?HARDLY ANY 111. Name five things you always have in your purse.DEBIT CARD, CREDIT CARD, LOTION, HAND SANITIZER, LIP BALM, & A HAIR TIE 112. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse?LOOSE MONEY 113. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse?NO 114. What is the most amount of money you’ve ever spent in one single shopping trip?$1000 115. Do you consider shopping a sport?I DO BECAUSE I SWEAT, RACE, AND COMPETE FOR THE BEST SALES 116. Have you ever used your cleavage or a bra as a purse? -NO 117. Coffee or tea?I EQUALLY LIKE BOTH BUT TEA PLEASE UNLESS IT’S STARBUCKS THEN COFFEE 118. Can you do the splits?YES- LEFT RIGHT AND MIDDLE 119. Do you do any yoga?YES ONCE A WEEK 120. Have you ever been told that to have cute handwriting?ALL THE TIME 121. How well can you write in cursive?SEMI GOOD 122. Have you ever successfully been on a diet?NOPE BC THEY ARE UNHEALTHY FOR YOU. I EAT CLEAN ALL THE TIME 123. Do you or have you ever belonged to a book club?YES 124. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticket by using your looks?NOPE 125. Have you ever drank a non-alcoholic beverage out of a wine glass?WELCHES GRAPE JUICE IS THE BEST THAT WAY 126. Showers or baths?BUBBLE BATH 127. Have you ever tried using a toilet while standing up? YES I HAVE GREAT AIM 128. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends?ALL THE TIME 129. Do you own any sex toys?YES ABOUT 20 RATINGS: 130. From 1-10, how feminine do you consider yourself?8 131. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother?8 132. From 1-10, how much do you look like your mother?9 133. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 8 134. From 1-10, how polite are you?10 135. From 1-10, how cute do you consider your laugh?1 136. From 1-10, how strict are you about manners?9.5 137. From 1-10, how much of a neat freak are you?6 138. From 1-10, how much of a hopeless romantic are you?4.5 139. From 1- 10, how healthy do you eat?8.8 140. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?10

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