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convolutedblasphemy · 2 months

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I wasn't shitting you guys btw I actually made the one-sided radiostatic playlists

here is my lyrical masterpiece. both the vox version and the alastor one. done my best to make it as lyrically accurate as possible. @styrofauxm @onesidedradiostatic i hope you enjoy this (go check out the full lyrics for the songs on google if you can't listen to it but i recommend it because all of these are bangers) feat. my stupid commentary and vox's pathetic wet cat energy

Click to listen to the Vox one on YouTube

1. the hearse — matt maeson

thought this one fit so well lyrically. the "what was it like to feel in love" part i interpreted as vox asking himself that rather than alastor

❞ i am the man we both couldn't stand, i can't wash off the dirt from my hands, what was it like to feel in love? [...] i will never go backwards, i will never be free, i will never run faster; will you sink down to me? ❝

2. i'm just ken — ryan gosling

i'm not even adding lyrics to this one, everyone should have seen the barbie movie and this song at this point. this just HAD to be in there. can you feel the kenergy?

3. too many friends — placebo

less about alastor, more about vox's existential crisis

❞ my computer thinks I'm gay, i threw that piece of junk away on the champs-elysées as I was walking home. this is my last communique, down the superhighway. all that I have left to say in a single tome... ❝

4. creep — radiohead

i mean isn't this literally his theme song?

❞ when you were here before... couldn't look you in the eye. you're just like an angel. your skin makes me cry. you float like a feather in a beautiful world. i wish I was special. you're so fuckin' special. but I'm a creep, i'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doin' here? ❝

5. where evil grows — the poppy family

y'all seen the sonic movie? we need to see vox do that dance.

❞ i like the way you smile at me, i felt the heat that enveloped me and what i saw i liked to see. i never knew where evil grew. i should have steered away from you, my friend told me to keep clear of you but something drew me near to you ❝

6. one of us — ava max

i had to edit this one a bit in the video and cut out the part about the kissing because that for sure didn't happen

❞ one of us would die for love; one of us would give it up. one of us would risk it all; one of us won't even call. one of us could say goodbye, never even bat an eye... ❝

7. colorblind — amber riley

more pathetic wet cat energy brought to you by yours truly

❞ i don't think that i'll ever find that silver lining or reason to smile. you know i used to paint such vibrant dreams, now I'm colorblind, colorblind. when did my heart get so full of never mind, never mind? did you know that you stole the only thing I needed? ❝

8. arcade — duncan lawrence

more pathetic wet cat energy brought to you by yours truly

❞ a broken heart is all that's left. i'm still fixing all the cracks. lost a couple of pieces when i carried it, carried it, carried it home. i've spent all of the love I saved. we were always a losing game; small town boy in a big arcade, i got addicted to a losing game... all i know, all i know: loving you is a losing game. ❝

9. if i can't have you — skylar astin

i picked the version from zoey's extraordinary playlist on purpose because the context of this scene is that the dude who sings it hires a bunch of singers and dancers to confess in a public space as you, the viewer, sit there and cringe at him as he gets rejected. if that doesn't have vox energy, i don't know what does.

❞ i'm good at keepin' my distance (lie), i know that you're the feelin' I'm missing. you know that I hate to admit it but everything means nothin' if I can't have you. i can't write one song that's not about you, can't drink without thinkin' about you. is it too late to tell you that everything means nothing if I can't have you? ❝

10. do you want me (dead)? — all time low

when vox asks himself whether alastor wants him or wants him dead it's definitely the second option.

❞ i let it ride on a bet, i doubled down on a sinking ship; need a second to catch my breath: do you want me? or do you want me dead? oh, give it up for at least a second; i'm getting sick of your bullshit attitude and how you walk around like you shine brighter, it's killing me, so what do you say? do you want me? or do you want me dead? ❝

11. push — ryan gosling

i can't just put one musical number from the barbie movie in and not include the other one that fits equally as well.

❞ said, i don't know if I've ever been good enough. i'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is cavin' in. and I don't know if I've ever been really loved by a hand that's touched me, and I feel like something's got to give and I'm a little bit angry, well, this ain't over, no, not here, no; not while I still need you around. ❝

Ice-cold rejection & vicious mockery: Alastor's version

the contrast of this is the best part.

Click here to listen to the Alastor one on YouTube

1. little big boy — madds buckley

he doesn't go easy on him. this is 0 compassion and 100% roast.

❞ brimstone fire and eyes aglow, little big boy's making the whole world know his name. raised on pillars and shining lights, breathing smoke for the right to keep his place. never satisfied 'till they all see how big this little boy can be. well the water's rising; tide's comin' in. does little big boy know how to swim in a pond filled with fish bigger than him? ❝

2. i help you hate me — sunrise avenue

he's so helpful fr but it's not working unfortunately

❞ i broke many hearts throughout my days. yours was the hardest one to face. though, I've never been a saint, i still love you every day, just not the lover kind of way. i know you wanna see me falling out, falling out the window. i know you wanna see me crashing down, crashing with my plane. baby, i'm way too young to die but I'll help you get over me. ❝

3. no surprise — daughtry

this is one of my favorite bands, i'm glad i got to include this.

❞ it came out like a river once i let it out when i thought that i wouldn't know how. held onto it forever just pushing it down, felt so good to let go of it now. not wrapping this in ribbons, shouldn't have to give a reason why: it's no surprise i won't be here tomorrow, i can't believe that I stayed 'til today. there's nothing here in this heart left to borrow. there's nothing here in this soul left to save. don't be surprised when we hate us tomorrow. ❝

4. go screw yourself — avery

i can picture him 1:1 delivering a swing version of this when vox confesses to him

❞ i know i've been holding it in, the way i feel about you. something i've been dying to say but I don't know how you'll take it; oh please don't go; you should know these three words i've been holding back; trying to fight, i'mma let 'em out... these three words, gotta let you know, here I go: go screw yourself. i've had enough, yeah, now we're done. ❝

5. the audacity — emelyn

this one's such a bop honestly. had to cut it in the video because i can't picture alastor realistically crying over anything vox-related.

❞ think your opinions should be broadcast... even though no one's subscribing, listening or liking but by all means, keep whining. must be tough if life's so rough. you should buy a mic, start a podcast, even though, wait, nobody asked. [...] where do all these men find the audacity? no actually, i'm stunned by your stupidity. ❝

6. friends — halocene

this one had to be on here.

❞ have you got no shame? you're looking insane turning up at my door. it's two in the morning, the rain is pouring, haven't we been here before? [...] so don't go look at me with that look in your eye, you really ain't going away without a fight. you can't be reasoned with, i'm done being polite. i've told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times. haven't I made it obvious? haven't I made it clear? want me to spell it out for you? f-r-i-e-n-d-s ❝

7. can't catch me now — olivia rodrigo

he likes the attention def especially after his return

❞ bet you thought i'd never do it, thought it'd go over my head. i bet you figured i'd pass with the winter, be somethin' easy to forget. oh, you think i'm gone 'cause i left but i'm in the trees, i'm in the breeze, my footsteps on the ground. you'll see my face in every place but you can't catch me now. through wading grass, the months will pass, you'll feel it all around. i'm here, i'm there, i'm everywhere but you can't catch me now ❝

8. take a hint — victoria justice & elizabeth gillies

this is on every rejection playlist and it's gonna be on mine too. a bop even after all these years.

❞ ask me for my number, yeah, you put me on the spot. you think that we should hook up, but I think that we should not. you had me at "hello", then you opened up your mouth and that is when it started going south. [...] what about "no" don't you get? so go and tell your friends i'm not really interested. it's about time that you're leavin', i'm gonna count to three and open my eyes and you'll be gone ❝

9. no — madilyn bailey & megan nicole

more rejection for y'all. the world needs more mean aroaces and this playlist is my contribution.

❞ first you gonna say you ain't runnin' game, thinking i'm believing every word; call me beautiful, so original, telling me I'm not like other girls, i was in my zone before you came along, now i'm thinking maybe you should go ❝

10. oh no — marina and the diamonds

a classic.

❞ don′t do love, don't do friends; i′m only after success. don't need a relationship, i'll never soften my grip [...] i know exactly what i want and who i want to be. i know exactly why i walk and talk like a machine. i'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. ❝

Reblogs are appreciated!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #aroace alastor #hazbin hotel vox #one sided radiostatic #onesided radiostatic #staticradio #radiostatic #hazbin vox #vox

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 6 days

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You should post the full screenshots, in light of everything that has happened. Not to start drama, but people should know who not to continue having a relationship with on here and block. The community feels so unsafe now that we know anyone you are talking to could be laughing at you on discord or doxxing you on social media. I only come to tumblr for the hotd fandom and it just seems to get worse here every month.

Hello, anon.

I was going to let this lie, truly I was. I was reached out to by the person behind the comments made approximately half an hour after posting, an exchange in which I was gaslighted and levied with implied threats in a style I am very much familiar with from this person. I did, however, state that I would not escalate matters without provocation. Learning about past events, while upsetting, is not a new provocation.

That has changed upon learning that my good friend Ange, @ewanmitchellcrumbs, has been receiving screenshots of specific things these users have been saying in a group chat with originally six members, now five, via burner accounts. Presumably, this is the efforts of one/two members trying to deflect from what Ange has learned about @rafeism's doxxing efforts by suggesting it was another member in the group responsible. And in the last hour, burner accounts have been attempting to share very obviously doctored screenshots attempting to assign mean-spirited comments about other writers in the community to Ange. I believe this is the work of one or both of the original two people I called out in this post, and I strongly suspect that my answering this ask will invite continued instances of this behaviour or even a direct public post incorporating edited screenshots to defame us and divert from accountability. And finally, I was informed via anon that a lawyer would come after me on the basis of lies and misrepresentation, which is a direct threat and something I will not abide.

I said I was going to expose it all if I learned of any fresh fuckery. And alas, I have. This was asked for, and now my hands are tied.

My original post was about Bel, otherwise known as @succnfuccubus or @valeskafics, and Fae, @eyelinerandcigarettes or @barbiedragon, both of whom have been historically prominent figures in the House of the Dragon fanfiction community on Tumblr.

In July of last year, Bel made a commentary post criticising fanfiction writers who did not write anal intercourse with an appropriate amount of attention paid to preparation. This was perceived to be an attack against another fanfiction writer with whom she had noted enmity at the time, @arcielee, who had written a fanfiction work that arguably did or did not meet this criteria. I do not know and cannot claim expertise on this, as @arcielee and I have mutually blocked each other some time ago. What I do know is that several of @arcielee's mutuals observed the possibility that Bel's post was about this fic; the user Cal, @bucknastysbabe or @bnb-atnite, despite having had absolutely no prior connection to Bel, decided to call her out in a public post for it. Ange, with no context other than thinking a mutual of hers (Bel) had been targeted by this user, defended Bel, believing at the time that the post was not aimed at this writer or at any specific writer she was aware of.

This prompted Cal to divert her attention from Bel and turn it toward Ange, claiming that she had been told by "dozens of people" that Ange was quote-unquote toxic and abusive, claiming to have screenshots of this though she never shared proof, and essentially spending a good several hours (the specificity of which I can no longer recall, though it was certainly over the span of 24+ hours) responding to asks that 'came forward' with incredibly inappropriate commentary about Ange's personal life and friendships under the guise of "exposing her", without however actually committing to concrete proof beyond this. I will note that several of these posts discussed the nature of Ange's marriage to her husband and outright stated that Ange was parasocially fixated on Ewan Mitchell, without proof of this. I was a peripheral target of this, though it was clear the issue was with Ange specifically. This seemed to be the efforts of a few isolated users with personal grudges against her, masquerading as anonymous users to create the perception that this toxicity was widespread. I still do not know what prompted this explosive behaviour, and have absolutely no interest in hearing from this user directly to find out.

All in all, this served to bring Bel, Ange and I together, and we created a group chat on Discord on the 26th of July 2023 so that we could discuss the effects of this effort.

Fae was added a day later, as a close friend of Bel's and an ongoing mutual of both mine and Ange. Fae had previously had a conflict with another user named Shruie over her perception that Shruie had borrowed elements of her story writing to create her own works. Shruie received hate over this, which Fae had previously stated to me was not her work. Shruie went to Cal's blog, submitted an ask publicly slandering her and us by association, and thus it was decided that Fae would join the group too.

This group originally revolved around venting over the ongoing effects of Cal's decision to publicly slander us, and the fallout of this. We received a few hate anons and several people unfollowed or distanced themselves from us all because of it, and we were all understandably angry and upset about this. This anger is justified, and I absolutely still maintain that.

However, I and others in the writing community learned that Shruie had received a number of anons with racist connotations, specifically that she had been called a 'paki' and sent rat emojis. I still am not aware of the culprit behind the 'paki' anon, but Bel herself admitted to sending the rat emojis to Shruie:

I would like to note that Fae reacted to this with the react.

I did not call this out. I should have. But given that Bel was capable of this, the idea of addressing her behaviour directly made me nervous, and so I ignored this revelation and tried to cling to the hope that if I concentrated on building closer friendships with these two women, the hate Cal was levying would die down. Eventually, it did.

However, the vitriol these two women would participate in over the course of the months we identified as 'friends' was nothing short of ugly. They did not want to speak about writing-related topics at all; the entirety of their conversation revolved around making inappropriate and at times downright nasty comments about other writers in the community, many of whom I was completely unaware of. A great deal of the time, I would ask who someone was, as I did not know them at all. Other times, I would 'lol' at a comment to further the conversation along, and I will admit to also participating in some unkind venting about people I feel had been unfair to myself or to Ange. I have already reached out to these people specifically and apologised for this behaviour, as it does not reflect who I am as a person.

Further complicating things, Bel shared the private details of a user whom we had all blocked due to her association with Cal, including the sharing of her full legal name and her private social media account. I have screenshotted this and redacted heavily as evidence it exists, but I do not wish for this information to be known public. I have already initiated conversations privately with this person to provide them evidence.

I need to be clear. This is a crime. The ONLY fortunate thing about this matter is that this information was shared specifically to Ange, Fae and I, and Ange nor I are the type of person to have acted upon the sharing of this information. To this user, I am sorry I did not reach out before now. I am sorry that I allowed our previous longstanding enmity to fuel my inaction. To this user, I promise that my knowledge of your real name or social media presence will not be revealed to anyone. I have not shared this information in any way whatsoever, though you are already aware I have spoken to a close friend of yours and asked them to pass the bare facts forward to you.

Even worse, Bel has also shared this person's image and mocked her physical appearance, which again I have a redacted screenshot of:

During the months in which I was friends with Bel and Fae, I was influenced to believe in several untruths. First of all, Ange and I were informed by Bel that a user we shall call E had deliberately chosen to speed-write a fanfiction work about Ettore in order to post it before Ange could finish her Ettore series as a means to 'drown out' her update. This fact had originally made Ange upset enough to complain without naming E directly in my public Discord server, something which spurred E to receive numerous hate anons and spark the conflict that I currently believe eventually spiralled into Cal's decision to publicly slander us. I requested evidence of this from Bel while I was writing a public post about it, so I could attach evidence. I should have known that her inability to provide it was a problem.

I was influenced to believe that another user, @targaryen-dynasty, had created her server as a means to spread inappropriate rumours about me and Ange to her mutuals. I created a falsified Discord account and joined her server to see if this fact was true; when I failed to find evidence of this after a period of time, I exited the server. I have already apologised to Laura for this, and freely admit it was stupid of me to do so. She has not engaged in inappropriate commentary about me on her server and I am happy to publicly share this. We have mended bridges, and moved on. I have also apologised to Sam, @randomdragonfires, for being unkind about her in response to Fae's upset that she had written a Daemon fanfiction work. There are many people I have been unkind about that I earnestly wish I had not been, and I have done my best to apologise for these things.

What I have not done is engage in the following.

I have a number of screenshots wherein these two women admit to sending anonymous hate messages to various users. I have reached out to who I can to provide them unredacted versions, but I will be redacting names for privacy reasons. These are throughout and as I have a photo limit, I cannot provide every single one. Here is an example:

I wish to also share the further evidence I have of racial escalations from these two women against a writer of German heritage. I have reached out to this user to share directly, but will redact the name for privacy reasons.

There are numerous instances of further hate to many, many writers. To those of you who suspect you may have had comments made about you, I invite you to reach out to me in private if you wish to know exactly what has been said. To those of you who I have already informed, I am deeply sorry I allowed myself to be silent.

Over the course of this 'friendship', I began to pull away from the internet. I barely interacted online, even with Ange, who is one of my absolute best friends on here. I did not write at all. I couldn't. I was paranoid, anxious, full of anger and fear. I was ruined. Fandom was ruined. These women ruined me. I watched on from a distance as Ange began to grow distant with Fae and Bel in the group chat, as it had been MONTHS and they were still behaving in the exact same angry, bitter way they had when they first joined the group chat. Ange grew increasingly frustrated because Bel had commenced a pattern of using Ange's content to heavily inspire her own.

It all came to a head when Bel learned that her 'enemies', Jo and Karina, had unblocked E and @arcielee and mended bridges. She decided to do the same, and in doing so apparently informed E that Ange was at fault for any and all conflict that had occurred, and I presume any and all hate anons that had been sent to E. Ange learned this because E reached out to her and sent a barrage of furious messages telling her that Bel had 'told her the truth', which Ange was completely bewildered by. Here is the exchange that effectively ended the group chat:

You will note that Bel's story is different here. I do not have screenshots verifying what Bel specifically told Ange the conversation was about, as it was a private conversation. If Ange wishes to add to this and bring this conversation up specifically, she is invited to do so.

Not long after this, seeing little point, I ejected Fae from the group and decided to leave it for the time being. You see, after learning this last fact as above, I had a very unfortunate suspicion that things were going to turn sour for us. I was right, and boy am I glad I have the evidence to dismantle the lies that have been told about us.

For a time, we existed in limbo. Bel and Fae and Ange and I had a series of lukewarm interactions that were largely brief in nature. I think we all knew that the friendship was about to come to an end.

Then, Ange reblogged an opinion post about her dislike of the bimbo trope being used for Michael Gavey fics, believing many examples of this to be an incorrect and wildly offensive representation of what writers thought was the ‘bimbo’ trope. This prompted Cal to go on another rampage, ugly and public, and one I will not post screenshots of because let’s face it, everyone is aware that it occurred. I do have them, though. I can provide them if anyone insists. She spent further time calling Ange out for being ‘toxic’, eventually having it die down when her posts failed to gain much attention. I did hit out at a few of her mutuals who tried to claim for some reason that Ange was a racist (?) because she expressed worry about Ewan attending a Con, and hoped his fans wouldn’t behave inappropriately to him. I digress. Irrelevant. The result of this all was that Bel, without warning or notice, reached out to Cal to ‘make amends’, despite having gone through all the above. Despite the fact that she was supposedly friends with Ange, who had had her marriage, her life mocked and insulted by this woman. Over what? A perception that Ange was insulting her for her love of the bimbo trope.

Ange told Bel directly that she wasn’t a fan of it but that she didn’t care either way that Bel wrote it if it made her happy, and Bel told her this was fine. Bel choosing to befriend Cal was something Ange and I felt was a massive, massive betrayal. We blocked Bel, and we moved on.

This was one of my final interactions with Fae:

I ended up blocking Fae because I learned she unfollowed me, and I presumed it was because of her friendship with Bel. I knew what Fae was like, didn’t want her to have access to my anon inbox, and so I blocked. For a very brief time, things were somewhat approaching peaceful. Until I started learning that people I barely associated with were being targeted. I learned that @marthawrites had been blocked by Chris and from her, that Bel/Fae/Cal/Chris had made reference to a quote-unquote “frightening degree of hatred” for me and Ange. From her, I also learned that Bel evidently had a burner she used to “camp out” on my blog and make screenshots of everything I said so she could mock it in her group chat. She did the same to Ange. I received a number of strange or unkind anons during this period, and so I can only speculate as to the person involved. I also learned that Bel has a habit of calling me “pedo” or “Pedo Em”, which I can only assume has something to do with the fact that my main character in my fanfiction is 17 when she is married. In A Song of Ice and Fire, this is tame.

I was deeply upset to learn this, and I made a vague-post. Within hours, I received the anon from this post, prompting me to respond in the manner I did. See, me being called a pedo is not a widely-circulated insult from my knowledge. It had to have been Bel to send it. Interestingly enough, she reached out to me not even an hour after my post went up, claiming she’d been sent a screenshot of it. I don’t believe this. Here is the exchange:

What surprised me most was when a formerly incredibly staunch friend of Cal and Chris, and Bel and Fae by association, reached out to me via a different account before completely deactivating. She grew tired of the relentless hatred circulated in the group chat she previously shared with them, and left. This prompted the entire group to block her, only after Chris called her names and Cal had what was described to me as an “absolutely psychotic” rant at her. She is struggling. She was very close friends with them, and despite having engaged peripherally in the commentary they have circulated against me and Ange for a while, I cannot hold it in my heart to be angry with her for believing lies her friends have told her. She has told me that they would repeatedly mock me and Ange, constantly trash-talked about us for months, make claims of all manner of insane things, and yet never provide a SINGLE instance of proof for this.

I would like to now provide clarification for some of the specific rumours that this former mutual informed me have been spread around about me and Ange.

Ange and I are racists who told Bel off for wanting to write Bollywood HOTD fanfiction. This is categorically untrue: see this screenshot for proof that this was never mentioned.

Ange and I bullied Fae whenever she mentioned getting her treatments for her condition (which, by the way, she has discussed online and is therefore ALSO not doxxing). See the screenshots for proof that Fae has never once mentioned it. There are specific phrases that can be searched for also, but because she has not been specific about her illness online I will not disclose the nature of this.

I have made nasty comments about Chris’s child. See the screenshot below for evidence that it is in fact Bel who called the child “a little fucker”, among other things.

Ange and I have doxxed people. See…… all the above as proof we have not. This was likely a pre-emptive deflection, and I am disappointed but not surprised by it.

That I have sent hate anons to the group, which they claimed was verifiable through their 'hacker' mutual. However, the former mutual of theirs that reached out to me has sought professional feedback about this claim, and it has been concluded that the so-called hacker was "right-clicking on page analytics" in a manner that cannot possibly reveal the identity of the anon-er. Furthermore, I didn't. They have been blocked by me.

I am responsible for @emilykaldwen blocking Cal and others. See this exchange wherein Nat informs me she already had Cal blocked. As for the accusations of a block list, this is categorically untrue. I have no screenshots to share because there are no screenshots at all. Because I did not do this.

I don’t know at this stage what else has been said. If anyone has anything further they’d want clarification for, I’m sure I could find evidence to disprove it. There are further statements that are wholly untrue that, as I do not believe they have been disclosed by any party in public, I will not share here.

None of this should have happened. None of this should have happened. How DARE you all. You have spent FAR too long abusing this fandom for your own sick, selfish amusement, and I am done. Nothing that has ever happened here was begun by either myself or Ange, and the fact that even NOW you are all attempting to redirect the blame on us or even on each OTHER is truly, truly shameful. I have owned up to the part I have played. I have apologised to the people who I have hurt, whether they had known I did it or not. That alone makes me better than you will ever be, because even now, you fail to take accountability for the full scope of what you have done. You have minimised, redirected, falsified and manipulated everyone because you do not know how to admit you were wrong without taking whatever opportunity you can to get 'the last dig' in.

What was the purpose, ladies? What is possibly going on in your life that being so angry, so hateful filled you with so much joy? Now, you’ve gone past the point of no return. You cannot come back from this. You cannot deflect from this. I’m sure you’re going to try to, maybe even to come up with “evidence” that none of this is true. You’ll lie, you’ll scramble, and you will not apologise, I’m sure. You should. Do you understand how far past the line you have crossed? Do you understand that we are actual, real people? This isn’t a game where you’re making sport out of upsetting a bunch of pixels. Ange is a journalist. I am a teacher. We are adults with full time jobs and full time lives and full time human experiences, and you have done your absolute level best to destroy us. I don’t understand why. I don’t understand how you could do this to another person. I don’t know what to do to make you stop. Do I need to deactivate? What do I need to do? You have terrified me beyond belief. I am so, so afraid of you. Does that make you happy?

I’m just speechless.

And to those of you still—STILL—clinging to supporting these women… You’re either stupid or just as horrible. The fact that people on "all sides" of this fandom have reached out to me and cleared the air should be telling enough, but I cannot change what you refuse to accept. I really don’t know what your problem is with us. With me. We’ve been holed up doing nothing for months, and that STILL wasn’t enough for you. This isn’t a game. This isn’t something you can win. This is real life, and you are making people suffer. For fucking fanfiction.

I am open to letting bygones be bygones if you genuinely didn’t know any of the above information. However, to the four of you—Bel, Fae, Chris, Cal—I do not wish you kindness. I do not wish you empathy. I do not wish for anything at all but for you to leave us alone, finally. You have burned just about every bridge possible, and the only people at fault are you. If you attempt to ‘reconcile’, your burners will be reported. If you attempt to further slander us, your posts will be reported. We are in the process of figuring out what legal recourse there is, because this has gone beyond ‘mean’ and straight to cyberstalking and criminal offence. I want you to take a good, long think about why on earth you ever thought any of this behaviour was okay. And then, I want you to stop. Stop. No one’s safety is worth your ego on Tumblr.com.

To everyone else. Please don’t get involved. Do not send any anons, any messages, any vitriol to these women. Let them reflect in peace and silence. Or let them bang at the walls of the prison of their own making. Let them lie to themselves as much as they wish.

I don’t know what to do anymore. But if anyone does have a similar story to tell about these women, please reblog this and share it. It'd be nice to know I'm not alone.

#hotd fandom drama #hotd writers #hotd writing community

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alostlittleriverlotus · 1 month

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what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)

Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.

It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!

All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.

We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.

It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?

Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.

To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.

Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.

It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.

Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.

We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.

Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.

Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.

Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.

Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.

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ultfreakme · 2 months

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Actually you know what, thinking on it, Sokka's sexism in the original was really weird and when writing fic, I had a hard time understanding where that even came from. We've been told Gran-gran left NWT because of the sexism and stayed at SWT, Hama was a fighter, Hakoda didn't condemn Katara for fighting or learning bending, there's a trivia thing where we learn Hakoda actually wanted to find a waterbending teacher for Katara. Now sure you can say fighting doesn't mean sexism wasn't present, but Sokka's conveyance of that sexism didn't work if that's the case.

Sokka specifically underestimates girls in fighting. That's how his sexism is largely expressed. Kanna wouldn't have raised Hakoda that way and in turn Hakoda wouldn't have raised Sokka like that.

He would be overprotective of Katara and stifle her as a bender, but not because he's sexist, but because Hakoda said "Hey you're our last warrior"- and this is actually the crux of his character.

One big argument people make is that Sokka's character arc with Suki apparently won't happen. But interviews state that the new focus on Sokka-Suki would be about them finding strength and solidarity as non-benders. In the original we do see Sokka trying to figure out his place and part in the war and among Gaang, he does feel insecure about his strength and ability to protect people. I think taking the new direction would connect well with the Serpent's Pass reunion.

I understand why people are hesitant but I just saw posts saying Sokka's sexism is inherent to his character as Toph's blindness is!?!?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU????? There's so much to unpack there I don't even know where to begin. Like this is getting ridiculous and in trying to say Sokka's sexism is good actually, you guys forget that the original was kinda fumbling its way through Sokka's sexism arc. It's not that fast or easy to make someone dismantle sexism, and the Kyoshi Warriors + Suki are playing into the idea that a woman is only equal to a man when she has combat prowess (I still kinda cringe at Suki saying "I'm a warrior....but I'm also a girl" she says that about her romantic interest in Sokka and kissing him, like why is being a girl or romantic interest associated with 'girl'?). They could've stretched out the arc and included Yue in helping Sokka learn that women aren't inferior but all talks of women's equality was restricted to combat.

I ADORE the Katara v Pakku fight and I think that was a far better discussion and showcase of misogyny and commentary on inequality. Because yes it was a fight, but it was, underneath all that, about Kanna and Yue.

It is the first time we see that actually, Kanna and Yue should get to choose because that is a fundamental right they should have. Healing was allocated entirely to women, but Katara learned it and it was never seen as an inferior form of bending. Everyone should get to pick if they wanna fight or they wanna heal or both. Katara'a fighter, a healer.

So I just wanna ask; Do you want Sokka's sexism to be there to comment on the unfairness of gender inequality? Do you want it there to give this one male character a character arc (because Sokka never talks to Katara- the one whom he hurt most with that attitude- or acknowledges his contribution in suppressing her advances in bending after this little lesson he learned from Suki)? Or do you want it there because the og did it so it has to be there? Because if it's the first, KATARA's arc does it a million times better and that's still in the show.

#atla la #natla #atla netflix #avatar the last airbender #atla live action #sokka #atla

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kindestegg · 1 year

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"Maybe if I ask her real nice, I won't have to turn her into a puppet!"

So... this line has been puzzling me for a WHILE because it feels like it goes against the idea Collector's go-to default is to just puppet-ify everything.

UNTIL someone in a server I was a part of pointed out that hey, doesn't it seem like Collector is also actively trying to nudge King to play something else? That they're tired of this game?

And I thought about the capture the flag game suggestion.

"What if we switch it up? We could play capture the flag! Us versus... everyone on the Isles!"

Okay, aside from the obvious commentary that Collector sees himself and King against the world (which is. another thing. I need to write up on *biting down on my arm*), it's interesting this implies the people would probably not be puppets anymore, since you'd probably need people who are conscious to actively play in the game, and the whole "people breathing on the moon" discussion doesn't seem like it would happen if they were considering the people as puppets.

It's also worth noting that Collector turning Lilith and Hooty into puppets happens immediately after King tells him The Owl House Game is like playing pretend...

And also, after Collector asks King what role he gets to play, and King presumably tells him, he uh, does this...

Which I'm guessing means he was pretty happy to hear he's going to be the main character. And then immediately after...

... Do you think there's a possibility Collector's go-to isn't in fact to just capture people as puppets, but interpreted this immediately from King's talk of the Owl House Game?

He also lashes out at King for criticizing him over turning Terra into a puppet, claiming he's just "playing pretend".

And considering how, from King's talk with Eda and Lilith, he's only losing his fear of making Collector mad NOW...

It's possible most of this was born out of a misunderstanding. Collector interpreted the game as having "lots of players" as puppets, the whole Isles as King put it, and King was too scared to tell him that wasn't it. No wonder Collector lashes out when told not to do so, to him it makes no sense because this is how the game is played in his view.

If he's getting tired of this game though, it also explains why he suggested not turning Eda into a puppet first, why he wanted to play something that would keep people free from such a spell, and even why he seemed slightly disappointed that he ended up turning Terra into a puppet too by the end, which is another sentient playmate lost, even if she made him angry.

So... if all of this could have been avoided if King had told Collector that this game shouldn't entail turning people into puppets, I think I have a hunch of the narrative purpose of all this.

It's telling the truth. King has to tell the truth. That there was no Owl House game, that he made it all up, that he was a scared kid desperate to save the people he loved and the Isles and that yes, he did use Collector.

King wasn't in the wrong for lying of course, because it was this or losing everything he loves. But things have been regardless severely more complicated because of this lie.

And I suspect he knows this, as he says he wants to talk to Collector to solve things. Maybe this talking is him telling the truth after all. He does say this directly after communicating that he's losing his fear of making Collector mad. Maybe he's finally gotten courage to confess the truth.

It's also worth noting again that Collector... doesn't care that King is lying about some things? He barely reacts with anger or shock at him talking to Eda and Lilith and seeing that they're keeping this as secret from him, he only cares when it sounds like King might want to hurt him.

It sounds silly when you put it this way, but the biggest obstacle keeping their relationship from fully realizing and them resolving things is just a misunderstanding. King wrongfully believing Collector might hurt him and Collector wrongfully believing King is happy playing pretend with him.

Once they actually talk this out, they can finally resolve things.

... the only problem is that I think if King approaches Collector saying he wants to tell him something now...

Collector might just think it has to do with King getting rid of him, and things might turn for the worst.

#the owl house #toh spoilers #toh analysis #toh theory #the collector #toh collector #king clawthorne #commander's orders

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 1 year

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The Art of Humiliation (M)

Part two of Pathetic series (you guys responded so positively to Pathetic I cranked this out as fast as I could 🫡 and I think it is of good quality)

Simplified tags: 7.7k words, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry gender-neutral friends), heavy degradation, light masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, mild pain kink, vaginal fingering, cunnulingus, creampie, spitting, slapping, spitting, mentions of safe words but they’re never used, big dick!Jeonghan, blowjob, slight public play, phone sex, y/n has a humiliation kink, mentions of aftercare but I don’t write it happening he just says what he’ll do

Officially dub con but off the book I think the consent is pretty explicit, again just tagging it so because it is an intense fic.

Guys I didn’t think I could outdo the filth that is Pathetic, but I really think I did and I don’t think I’ll be able to top this.

“Yoon Jeonghan?” Jeongyeon blurted, dropping her burger onto her tray. You shushed her not wanting the entire University cafeteria to know exactly what you had gotten up to on Friday night.

“Sorry, it’s just…” Jeongyeon whistled. “Jeonghan sleeps with a lot of people but not just anyone. And you- you don’t ever sleep with strangers.”

“It was a frat party,” you grumbled. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at frat parties?”

“That’s what I do at frat parties,” Jeongyeon corrected. “But you? I don’t know it’s just uncharacteristic.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “Maybe… Can we just focus back on the food?”

Jeongyeon sighed and picked her burger back up between for fingers. She went to take a bite but stopped.

“Are you going to see him again?”

You choked on your sprite.

“See Jeonghan?” You blurted. Your head dropped, your face burning red. Now you were the one too loud. “I highly doubt he’ll want to sleep with me again. Doesn’t he… Sleep around a lot?”

“Yeah,” Jeongyeon agreed, nodding her head slowly. “I don’t think he’s ever slept with anyone twice.”

You shook your head in disbelief.

“Imagine being so attractive that you have that many people at your disposal willing to sleep with you,” you said in awe. “I bet his one night stands beg him for a second turn.”

“Is he actually that good?” Jeongyeon asked, her eyebrows briefly disappearing beneath her bangs. “I always assumed that the rumors were dramatized.”

You snorted.

“No, not dramatized at all,” you said with a shake of your head. “I never thought a man would make me come.”

“See, that’s the good thing about Jimin,” Jeongyeon said. “As much as I hate to say it- He uses his fingers very well.”

You rolled your eyes at the mention of Jeongyeon’s enemy but that was all the commentary you placed on it.

“I suppose if he reached out and wanted to…” you trailed off, one of your fingers subconsciously brushing against one of the bruises that he had left on your hips. On the bright side of the whole night, he hadn’t left any visible bruises on you.

You swallowed a little too hard, remembering the way that he had looked at you as he drilled into you.

Maybe the lack of visible bruises was a con.

“It doesn’t matter,” you said dismissively. “Everyone knows that Jeonghan doesn’t fuck the same person twice.”

“You look troubled,” Seungcheol observed. Jeonghan sighed, a bit dramatically he would admit, and rested his head on his hand.

“I guess.”

“Last night’s girl not up to your standards?” Jihoon observed. Jeonghan shrugged.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but, my already boring escapades have felt even more boring since our party last week,” Jeonghan admitted. Jihoon’s eyebrows shot up.

“Really? Since you stole y/n from Chan?”

Jeonghan nodded, not even bothering to argue the statement that he had stolen you. Even though it wasn’t remotely true.”

“She…” He trailed off. “Well, she was everything I wanted and more.”

“Romantic,” Seokmin commented, knowing full well it wasn’t that.

“Well? Are you gonna sleep with her again?” Seungcheol pressed. “Is she the long awaited…” He took a deep sigh of regret before saying: “Whore?”

“I don’t sleep with anyone twice,” Jeonghan dismissed. “She’ll be out of my system by the time I get the next girl in my bed.”

The room groaned.

“And here I thought our school population was finally safe.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, his thoughts turning back to you.

He wondered what he would do if he were to find himself in the same room as you again.

“Alpha Mu, Alpha Mu, Alpha Mu,” Jeongyeon chanted, running around the small dorm room excitedly. You rolled your eyes at her, trying to bat away her hands.

“Come on, can’t I have one Friday night of peace?”

“Jimin was-”

Your threw your hand over Jeongyeon’s mouth, your eyes wide.

“I’ll come if you just promise not to tell me whatever dumb thing Jimin did.”

Jeongyeon’s tongue darted out to the palm of your hand, making you squeal in protest. Jeongyeon just smiled sheepishly at you.

“Alpha Mu!”

You didn’t really understand why Jeongyeon insisted on inviting you to these parties, because she almost never actually spent any time with you at the them. Jeongyeon dragged you into the party, tugging down your short skirt, fluffing your hair and readjusting your crop top before dropping you off with Kim Mingyu and rushing to Jun’s side.

Mingyu was a nice guy. Fun to be around at parties when you were drinking, but you weren’t in the mood for a hangover when you knew you had to work tomorrow. You ended up just wandering away from him.

There wasn’t anyone at this party that you knew- that was practically immediately noticeable.

Sure, there were familiar faces, but aside from the Alpha Mu boys, you couldn’t really name anyone. You couldn’t even name all of the boys in Alpha Mu.

You had been at the party for about an hour, considering just leaving before your eyes fell on just the person that you had been hoping you would see.

Jeonghan was standing, a water bottle in hand as he tucked his dark hair behind his ears. He smiled at Soonyoung, saying something that you couldn’t make out.

You looked away from Jeonghan.

This was why you hadn’t wanted to go to the party. You knew that you would see Jeonghan and you knew that you would want him all over again. Just looking at him you felt your core begin to heat, wondering what he would do if he put his hands on you again.

It didn’t help that you had stupidly avoided touching yourself all week. Your thought process had been something that you could only blame on mind break. You were so drunk on the idea of Jeonghan’s dick that you had refused to do what he should be doing yourself.

You risked a glance back at Jeonghan, hoping that no one would notice the look. You were desperate for his attention and at the same time terrified for him to notice you.

But you supposed you weren’t doing a good job of hiding the fact that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of Jeonghan. You felt someone nudge into you, shooting you a sharp glare.

“Are you looking at Yoon Jeonghan?” The girl snapped. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Maybe,” you said. You felt your chin tilt up slightly, trying to show this girl that you were obviously much taller than her. You weren’t really sure what she wanted, but you could tell by the way she was looking at you that she was ready to fight you if needed. “Why do you care?”

“Because I’m going home with him tonight,” the girl said back. “So stop eyeing him up like you have a chance.”

You scoffed, unable to help it.

“I think you’d break in half if you went home with Yoon Jeonghan,” you insisted. “There’s no way you could handle him.”

“Oh, I get it,” the girl replied, not even hesitating between responses. A small smile crept on her face. “You’re one of his used toys. He tossed you aside because you weren’t good enough and now you want what you can’t have.”

The girl laughed, and flipped her long dark hair out of her face, hitting yours with it.

“Well, at least one of us will be of use to Jeonghan tonight. After all, everyone knows...” She leaned close to your ear. “He doesn’t double dip.”

She turned away from you and began to walk away from you. You watched her, your chest heaving as you tried to calm yourself down. Your face was burning red, and your fingers were balled at your side.

You watched as she walked up to Jeonghan, placing her hand on Jeonghan’s chest. She slipped her hand beneath the collar of his shirt, getting on her toes so that she could brush her lips against his cheek.

Jeonghan didn’t seem upset by the touch but he seemed surprised. His arm came around the girl, his hand falling on the small of her back. He murmured something to her, his eyes trailing around the room as if to try and find the reason for her sudden affection.

His eyes stopped when they fell on you.

You cleared your throat in surprise, turning your attention away from the two to try and make it seem like you weren’t looking and like you weren’t jealous, but when you glanced back towards him, he was still staring at you.

His eyebrow quirked when your gazes met and he tilted his face down so that his lips were against the girl from before’s ears.

He whispered something to her, something that made her look embarrassed and glance over at you. You looked away quickly, but you could feel eyes still on you.

You needed to disappear.

You wandered over to the punch bowl, picking up a cup. You looked at the liquid in the bowl, unable to help the way that your fingers tightened around the cup in frustration.

God, how pathetic were you to be wet? Jeonghan hadn’t even done anything to you. He was spending all of his time paying attention to that dumb girl and yet… If he asked-

“Someone looks frustrated.”

You glanced over your shoulder, surprised to see a man you had never seen before. You squinted at him, trying to place him even as someone you passed in the halls but he was ringing no bells. He seemed to notice your confusion and held out his hand. “Yongtae.”

Your nose wrinkled slightly.

“Not interested,” you commented. Yongtae laughed in surprise, throwing his hands in the air.

“I hadn’t even proposed anything yet.”

You sighed. He was right, but still. You didn’t really want Jeonghan to see you talking to someone else. It was stupid but if he did, it might dissuade him from fucking you again. You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration.

“I suppose not.”

Still you put a little bit of space between the two of you.

“Your boyfriend must be pretty possessive for you to be so closed off to a guy talking to you at a party,” Yongtae observed. He took a cup from the table and lifted it towards you. “I mean as he should be. Look at you.”

He gestured towards you.

“The short skirt? The crop top? People are practically fighting to keep their eyes off of you,” Yongtae continued, turning his hand to wave and to the crowd. “I hope I don’t sound too much like a pig.”

“I’ll certainly complain about this conversation to my best friend,” you commented. He nodded, scrunching his nose.

“Deserved. Sorry.”

He was silent for a moment.

“But if you have a possessive boyfriend that makes you not even want to talk to other people at parties, why is he making you stand alone?”

“Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to talk to you for my own reasons?” You snapped. Yongtae’s eyes widened slightly.

“Okay, okay, sore topic,” he agreed. “Look. I’m just super bored. The Alpha Mu boys are practically untouchable. I don’t know anyone here.”

“Look, I-” You sighed. “You seem... Better than most people here.” That wasn’t saying much. “But I’m not looking for company tonight.”

“But... We could talk another time?” Yongtae asked. “I’m new to school, I don’t really know anyone. Genuinely just need a friend to talk to.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at him but you couldn’t really find malice in his eyes. Yongtae proceeded to produce a sharpie.

“Have a paper?”

You shook your head, offering him your arm instead.

“I’ll just lose a paper.”

Yeongtae seemed surprised by the suggestion but didn’t hesitate to take the sharpie and write his phone number on your arm. You looked down at the numbers and nodded.

“Okay, cool. I’ll call you.”

“What do you want to do?” Yeongtae asked, leaning on the table beside him.

“Get lunch or something... I don’t know...” You trailed off. “I need to keep moving.”

“Who are you worried about seeing you anyways?” Yeongtae’s eyes trailed through the room. “The only one looking at you right now is Yoon Jeonghan.”

Your eyes widened, and you tightened your grip on the cup.

“Fuck can I-” You looked down at the drink in your cup. “Can I throw this on you?”

Yeongtae’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Well, I guess-”

You threw the drink in his face practically instantly.

“Now stop talking to me!” You said loudly. Then, a little quieter: “I’ll text you or something.”

You turned away from Yeongtae on your heel and once again pushed through the party before stopping in the corner. Your face was hot with the stress of having been caught talking to Yeongtae. You were so screwed.

If Jeonghan had been even considering sleeping with you tonight, those thoughts were in the dust now. You hadn’t been good enough. You wanted to scream. Jeonghan was going to go home with that stupid bimbo and she was going to be just like you were the week before: Desperate and begging for his cock.

“What are you doing here?” You looked up, your mouth going dry when you realized who was standing in front of you. You stepped back, eyes wide.

“Je-Jeonghan,” you managed to get out. Your eyes dropped to the ground and you cleared your throat. ”Jeongyeon brought me.”

“Ah, yeah, I thought I saw her earlier,” he agreed. You looked back up at him, noticing that he had you fixed under an intense gaze. “She always finds someone to take home. I suppose you’ll need a place to stay tonight.”

“I’m practically used to hiding underneath my comforter,” you said with a sigh. “What about you? I saw you hanging out with that girl.”

“Who?” He asked, his eyebrows raising. “You mean, Chaedom? She was in the books. But she seemed to think she had some competition... What do you think? Do you think she has competition?”

As Jeonghan spoke he stepped closer to you, his arm wrapping around your body. He tugged you up close to his chest.

“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “I think... I think that you shouldn’t take her back to your place.”

“You sound jealous. Do you think I’m yours just because we spent one night together?” Jeonghan sounded amused as he spoke. “Don’t you know?”

“You don’t fuck anyone twice,” you replied immediately. “I know.”

Your eyes dropped back to the ground, obsessed with the feeling of Jeonghan’s hands on your exposed back. You cleared your throat.

“I just... Haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, is all.”

Jeonghan hummed.

“Do you think you even deserve to be fucked again?” He asked you. “Do you really think that you deserve that?”

Your face was burning all over again.

“I mean...” You trailed off. “I would try my best to make it worth your while.”

Jeonghan’s fingers dipped underneath your shirt, searching for your bra. You looked up at him, just as he realized what you knew he would.

“You’re not even wearing..” He interrupted himself with a laugh. “Why’d you turn down that guy earlier, huh? He seemed like he would have taken you if had let him. That’s all you want isn’t it? Just a little bit of cock to fill that stupid cunt.”

A shiver wrecked through your body. You started to feel even more of your body warm, your fingers itching to touch Jeonghan the way that he was touching you.

“I didn’t want his cock,” you murmured. “I want yours.”

Jeonghan snorted.

“Beg for it.”

Your eyes widened at the request, but you weren’t above doing so.

“Jeonghan, I really want you to fuck me,” you spoke immediately. You hesitantly raised your hand to his chest. “I’ll do whatever you want me to. I’ll take you however you want. I just need you. I’ll be better then that stupid bitch would be in a million years. And-”

You raised yourself up a little so that you were closer to Jeonghan’s height. You lightly breathed in his face.

“Not a drop of liquor-” Jeonghan interrupted you by raising his hands to the back of your neck, smashing your lips together. You immediately melted into his touch. “Please, choose me,” you mumbled into his mouth. “I’ll be so good, anything you want-”

Jeonghan raised his grip to your hair, pulling back sharply.

“You-”

His eyes trailed down your body before suddenly stopping.

Jeonghan’s eyes darkened as he grabbed you by the forearm, sharply exposing your arm for him to see.

“What’s this?” He demanded. “You were being good all night but clearly I missed something.”

“That’s just-” You stammered over yourself trying to find your words. “He just wanted to be friends. I told him I wasn’t interested in anything else.”

Jeonghan didn’t look very convinced.

“Get it off.”

Your eyebrows shot up.

“What?”

“Get. It. Off,” Jeonghan repeated.

He didn’t have to say it again. You were quick to rush through the party, desperately searching for the kitchen. You rummaged through the cupboards, trying to find something that would help get it off. Why had you let that man write in sharpie on your arm? Why hadn’t you just taken his phone number in your phone? Where you stupid?

You found an alcohol wipe and grabbed it, rubbing frantically at your arm. The color faded but, unfortunately, didn’t completely disappear. You rushed to the sink and grabbed a sponge and some soap, rubbing your arm desperately with the sponge under some hot water. You scrubbed at it quickly, but despite your efforts the most it did was smudge the numbers.

You felt frantic but before you could try even more you felt yourself get roughly grabbed. You turned around to find Jeonghan standing there.

He exposed your forearm to himself and snorted.

“Stupid slut.”

He pulled you close to him again, looking down at you with narrowed eyes.

“You want to be fucked tonight?” He hissed at you. Despite it all you nodded eagerly.

“Please.”

As Jeonghan dragged you through the party he mumbled to you a few things, the most important of all those things being a safe word.

“If you use it at any point of the night I will stop immediately. No shame in my actions being too much for you, okay? No matter what I won’t be upset at you.”

You nodded. He made you promise that you knew what the word was, making you repeat it at nauseam before finally you were in his room and he was slamming the door shut behind you two.

“Now strip.”

You practically ripped your clothes off, excited to find that once you had turned around Jeonghan’s clothes were off too. You tried to hide your excitement but your core was burning in a way that was practically uncomfortable. You needed to be touched so badly, but you had to be patient.

Jeonghan wandered to his bed, sitting at the edge, with his legs spread wide.

“Come here-” You took a step forward but before you could get far, Jeonghan raised a finger in the air.

“No, no, no,” he laughed. “Crawl.”

Your eyes widened but you dropped down to your hands and knees, crawling over to Jeonghan. He laughed at you again, shaking his head.

“You’re so pathetic,” he said. “Don’t you have any sense of shame? You’d really crawl for me huh?”

Once you had closed the distance between the two of you, you situated yourself in between Jeonghan’s knees. His eyebrows furrowed at you and he roughly grabbed your chin.

“I spoke to you,” he snapped. “I expect an answer, or I will force an answer out of you.”

“I would do anything for you,” you replied immediately. “Ask me to do anything and I’ll do it, I will, I just need you to touch me.”

Jeonghan snorted, pulling his hands away from you.

“Then prove you deserve it,” he stated. “Come on, show me how good you can be. Can you take my cock like you did last time huh?”

You nodded.

“I can, I will-”

You wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock, your mouth practically drooling as you looked at his long thick cock. You whined, as you raised your eyes back up to him.

“Can I... Can I please suck your cock?” You begged. Jeonghan’s hum was guttural.

“You better be good.”

You eagerly sucked the tip of Jeonghan’s cock into your mouth, and began to tease the slit on the tip of his cock with your tongue. Your could feel wetness seeping out of your pussy as you sucked his cock into your mouth, but you did your best to ignore that agonizing urge to be fucked. You began to work more of his cock into your mouth but Jeonghan sighed.

“I appreciate that you are trying to be a stupid little tease, and I admire the fact that you are trying to be good and patient but every other girl I’ve slept with has been so fucking unsatisfying.”

He tightened his fingers in your hair, ripping you off his cock.

“I’m going to use your throat like a fucking flesh light. You think you can handle that?”

You nodded excitedly, your fingers curling and uncurling against his thighs.

“Please.”

He smiled.

“And what should you do if you need me to stop?”

“Tap your thigh twice,” you replied immediately.

“Good girl,” he said, his voice airy. “You remember so well.”

He guided your mouth back to his cock and you opened your mouth obediently.

Jeonghan roughly pushed you all the way down on his cock. You gagged immediately but reminded yourself that you needed to breathe through your nose. You were quick to gather yourself, but just as you were getting comfortable Jeonghan was pulling you up on his cock and practically slamming you back down. He placed his hands on the sides of your face so that he had a better grip and true to his word began to use you as if you were nothing but a toy. His grunts filled the room, tumbling out of his mouth in a way that only made yourself leak more on Jeonghan’s floor.

“I want you to touch yourself whore,” Jeonghan said. “You want that don’t you? Your stupid pussy needs some attention. Go on and touch yourself for me.”

You lowered one of your shaking hands between your thighs, your fingers pressing on your clit. You moaned out at the feeling, and began to rub your clit in small circles, careful not to stimulate yourself too much, knowing that it would just make you cum.

“I don’t want you to just play with your clit,” he snapped. “I want you to fucking fuck yourself as if I’m fucking you.”

Jeonghan pulled your face off of his cock and you gasped for air, nodding.

“Right, I’m sorry,” you mumbled. Jeonghan’s hand lowered to your chin, his fingers spreading your spit all over your face. You looked at him, panting as you slid two fingers into your pussy. A whine left your lips at the feeling.

“You sure this isn’t too much?” Jeonghan asked, his voice soft like it had been after you two had finished last time. “Your mascara’s running.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. You raised your free hand to wipe away the tears that you hadn’t even realized were running down your face but Jeonghan’s hand caught yours.

“Don’t apologize,” Jeonghan said. “I like how it makes you look. Pathetic.”

You felt your face heat at his words, knowing that it wasn’t necessarily a compliment but it felt like one anyways.

“Get up on the bed,” Jeonghan said after a moment. Your eyes widened and you pulled your fingers out of yourself scrambling onto the edge of the bed. Jeonghan hummed, getting down on the floor himself.

“My biggest regret from last time?” Jeonghan asked, his voice low again. “Not getting to taste your pretty little cunt.”

Jeonghan situated himself between your knees this time, pressing your thighs apart with the palm of his hands.

“God, your cunt is gorgeous you know that? For a slut you are so fucking beautiful. Impossible not to stare at you at a party,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Can’t imagine how many boners men must get when they see you.”

He reached forward, his fingers sliding between your leaking folds.

“And if they knew how dirty you are? I would have trouble keeping you to myself,” Jeonghan commented. You moaned as two of his fingers slipped into you. He pulled them out and slid them between his lips. A smile crossed his lips. “And if they knew how good you taste?”

Jeonghan leaned forward, his tongue darting out to flick over your clit. You whined, leaning back as his lips attached themselves to your clit. He sucked hard on it for a few seconds before his mouth trailed down.

He always criticized you for being sloppy but he wasn’t any different. He practically devoured you, his fingers digging into your ass as he held your pussy as close to his mouth as he could. He dipped his tongue into you and flicked your clit, and practically sucked you dry.

You couldn’t help the tears that sprouted from your eyes at the pure pleasure.

“Jeo-Jeonghan,” you stuttered out. “I can’t- I’m going to-”

You panted hard, forcing yourself to keep focus.

“I’m going to c-cum. Can I? Can I-”

Jeonghan growled against your lips.

“You want to come all over my face?” He murmured against your pussy sending vibrations through your core. “You think you deserve to be the first to come?”

You shook your head no, even though Jeonghan couldn’t see what you were doing at all and he didn’t really seem to care.

“Come all over my face baby,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Let yourself go. Don’t think about anything. Just think about how much you love my mouth on your cunt.”

Your fingers clenched tightly at the bed sheets as your thighs shook around Jeonghan’s head. You felt your pussy clenching as you came all over Jeonghan’s mouth.

You were sure he would be mad at you for it but instead he wiped his lips with his hand and then pressed two fingers into you.

“You’re so messy,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Can’t help your cunt leaking out everywhere. I make you like that don’t I? Desperate and wet.”

You mewled as he slowly worked those two fingers in and out of you, the sensitivity at having just come starting to disappear.

“Fucked stupid and I haven’t even actually fucked you yet,” Jeonghan mumbled, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at you. Your brain was already starting to feel a little hazy but you tried your best to focus on Jeonghan’s face, on his eyes.

“You know this is your fault right?” He asked you softly. “You’re fault that your making a mess all over my room, your fault that I’m hard, your fault that I have to punish you for being such a slut and letting another man write on your arm.”

As he spoke he accentuated each word with a deep press of his fingers into you, curling them deep inside of you. You moaned loudly in surprise, your fingers clenching the sheets so tightly you felt like your fingers were gonna break.

“Jeonghan,” you murmured, your face burning. “I don’t want your fingers.”

Jeonghan’s expression darkened and he roughly thrust his fingers into you. You cried out.

“You think you get to decide what you get? Are you about to tell me you want my cock? Pathetic whore thinks she deserves to get off on my cock?”

Your toes curled as Jeonghan pushed his fingers impossibly deep inside you.

“I’m s-sorry,” you managed to get out. “But pl-please. I want to make you feel good so badly.”

You felt tears of frustration sprouting in your eyes again as you tried to fight your own hazy pleasure to focus on the overall goal you were trying to achieve.

“You think that a little cock sleeve like you is good enough for me?” Jeonghan asked. “I could fuck anyone at the party and come to the same outcome… What makes you think you’re special?”

“I don’t,” you responded instantly, your thighs shaking. “But please Jeonghan, I’m here. I’m the closest. I’m the easiest. I’m currently at your disposal, use me, please. I’m yours.”

Jeonghan’s fingers came to a still inside of you and your eyes widened, worried you had said something wrong. He leaned forward, dragging you into a hard kiss.

“I like hearing you say that… You’re mine…” He pulled back, slipping his fingers out of you and giving your pussy a smack.

“Fuck.”

“On all fours. Now. Before I find someone else to finish me off.”

You didn’t think you had ever turned around so quickly. You pressed your head down into the sheets, shifting your knees apart so that you were spread out for Jeonghan. He hummed, one of his hands rubbing over your ass.

“You’re so lucky that I’m wasting my time on you,” he mumbled. He slapped your ass, so hard your whole body jolted and then rubbed his hand back over the spot. Before you could think too much about his words he was sliding his cock into you: fast and hard. “Thank me for my cock.”

“Thank you,” you gasped out. “Thank you so much Jeonghan, I need this so badly.”

“It’s almost disgusting how desperate you are,” Jeonghan chided. He slowly pulled his cock out of you and then slammed it back in. Again your whole body jolted, and you struggled to keep yourself upright. “Are you finally happy? Finally sated with my cock in you?”

“Yes,” you admitted desperately. You could hear the smile in Jeonghan’s chuckle as his fingers dug into your hips.

“You’re such a good little slut.”

If you had thought Jeonghan had fucked you hard last time, he was a literal animal this time around. His thrusts were sloppy but they were so hard and deep that it was making tears roll down your cheeks with every thrust as your body buzzed with pleasure.

You couldn’t think about the party you had abandoned, or think about the pride that you had certsinly left at the door. No, all you could think about was Jeonghan’s grunts and moans and practical growls as they filled the otherwise quiet room.

Suddenly, Jeonghan grabbed something. He thrust his hands forward, holding out a phone.

“Call him.”

Your eyes widened.

“What?” You blurted.

“Call the guy who you let write on your arm,” Jeonghan hissed. You failed to take Jeonghan’s phone fast enough and his fingers buried in your hair, pulling you back by it. “Your orgasm depends on this phone call, so you better make your decision fast.”

If you were thinking clearly, you would have probably safe worded and gotten out of the phone call. You would be crazy, after all, to willingly call someone you had just met while getting railed by some frat boy.

But you weren’t think clearly. You were with Yoon Jeonghan.

You clumsily took the phone in your hands, heavy pants leaving your lips as Jeonghan relentlessly pounded into you. You looked down at your arm, the smeared numbers barely being intelligible. You typed in the numbers with shaking hands, putting the call on speaker phone.

The phone rang and you silently begged for him not to answer. Jeonghan was in no way easing his pace on you. His hand still fisted in your hair as he bounced you on his cock, driving so deep inside you that you were once again barely able to think, much less able to hold the phone to your face.

Unluckily for you, the phone rings stopped and a “hello?” Echoed out from the phone’s speakers.

“Tell him who it is,” Jeonghan instructed. You nodded the best you could.

“It’s uh, it’s y/n from the party,” you managed to get out trying to keep your voice steady. The effort was not lost on Jeonghan, his hand came down on your ass and you yelped.

“Tell him what you’re doing,” Jeonghan continued. Your eyes screwed shut as your face blazed with embarrassment.

“I’m getting f-fucked,” you stammered out.

“Uh…” Yeongtae was at a loss for words it seemed. But then again, that was fair. You had no clue how you would react if you were to get this phone call. You hoped that he would just hang up.

“Tell him why, tell him who.”

“It’s by Yoon Jeonghan. I’m getting fucked by Yoon Jeonghan and he made me call you because I was bad for letting you write your number on my arm.”

Tears sprouted at the corners of your eyes. Not because the call was too much but because you were so desperate to come. Desperate for Jeonghan’s approval in your actions.

“It’s my pussy I’m fucking, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” you cried out in agreement. “My pussy belongs to Yoon Jeonghan. I belong to Yoon Jeonghan.”

“What a little slut,” Jeonghan chided with a few clicks. “Tell him how much you enjoy this, hm? Tell him how you get off on me hitting you and telling you how pathetic you are why don’t you?”

“I-I-“ You tried to get the words out but you were so blissed out you could barely keep your head straight. “Jeonghan, Jeonghan, please.”

You were babbling nonsense at that point, and it earned you a slap across your face.

“Do what I tell you to,” Jeonghan reasserted.

“I’m sorry, I love this so much Yeongtae. I love it when Jeonghan humiliates me and hits me and treats like a whore,” you blurted out. “It’s all I could think about tonight. I need his cum so badly. I-“

Before you could finish Jeonghan hooked his fingers into your mouth.

“Shut up.”

His grip in your hair loosened and you fell forward on the bed, gagging around Jeonghan’s fingers. He sighed and with his now free hand took the phone from your hand.

“You can be friends with y/n all you want,” Jeonghan said suddenly, his voice gruff. “But she is mine to fuck. Only one person is good enough to make her like this and that’s me. So if you have any other intentions with her you can fucking forget about it.”

You heard Jeonghan toss the phone to the side and he grabbed you by your forearms.

“Aren’t you even the least embarrassed of what you just did?” Jeonghan taunted. “What do you think Yeongtae is going to think of you now? He isn’t going to think you’re some innocent little girl is he?”

You didn’t respond. You didn’t physically think you could anymore. You just let moan after moan leave your lips, your head hanging at the pure stimulation.

“But he will know that you are a very good little slut.”

He lowered one of his arms, his fingers pressing firmly down on your clit. You cried out at the contact.

“J-Jeonghan I need to come, please let me come today,” you begged lightly. “I haven’t come since the last time we fucked.”

Jeonghan leaned forward, pressing his chest to your back. He hummed against your cheek.

“Really?” He asked, a pleased tone leaving his lips. “Not even when you were alone? Touching yourself?”

Your face blazed hot.

“I didn’t...” You trailed off. “I didn’t touch myself all week.”

Jeonghan’s hips stuttered against you, his breath hitching.

“You’re lying,” he whispered.

“I’m not!” You cried out. “I needed you to tell me I could. I need you to let me or else I c-can't.”

Jeonghan scoffed.

“Stupid whore,” he mumbled but even as he said it. You felt his cock pulsing inside of you. “Can’t do anything unless I tell you to. Can’t do anything without me to help you do it. Go on then, come you stupid whore. I guess you deserve it.”

You felt yourself go limp against Jeonghan as pleasure washed over your body. For a few seconds you felt like you had stopped breathing, only able to blabber Jeonghan’s name on repeat as you quite literally milked Jeonghan’s cock. Only a few seconds after you had regained sensation, you felt Jeonghan’s cum begin to squirt deep into you. You arched your back in pleasure at the feeling, expecting Jeonghan to ease up on you, but instead he just pushed your face down in the sheets, his palm on your cheek.

You whined, your body shaking at the over stimulation but instead of safe wording, your fingers tightened in the sheets. You began to mumble thank you’s, defaulting into the mode of making Jeonghan cum.

Jeonghan’s grunts filled the air as he pummeled your pussy, only lasting a minute before he spilled his cum in you all over again. Jeonghan’s thrust started to slow down, but the feeling of being so full of his cum was absolutely intoxicating. Jeonghan slid out of you, sitting back on the bed, his hands holding him up but before he could completely relax you straddled him, lowering yourself down on his cock.

“I know, I know,” you babbled as you sunk down on his cock. Your breath hitched as his cum got push deeper into you again. You pressed your hands on his shoulders and began to shakily raise yourself up before dropping yourself back down on his cock. “I just n-need more cum. I need you to feel really, really good. I need to be better than every other person you’ve ever slept with I-”

Before you could finish Jeonghan’s fingers gripped on your hips and he stilled your motions. For a second you thought you were going to really get it. You tentatively raised your eyes to Jeonghan’s, only to find that they were glossed over, and a small smile was on his lips.

“No one I’ve ever fucked has taken three loads from me before,” he said.

He began to raise you up and down on his cock, his fingers digging bruises back into your hips. His movements were hard and rushed and a little clumsy but your moans and incoherent begging dragged a third orgasm out of him anyways.

“I know you want to,” Jeonghan mumbled in your ear as he fucked you. “Go on- Come again. You deserve it.”

You obliged instantly, unable to believe that you were given a whole third orgasm. Your arms wrapped around Jeonghan’s chest as you came again, pure bliss warming your body.

You and Jeonghan were silent for a while, your chests rising and falling against one another. After a few minutes Jeonghan lowered the two of you down in his bed, his limp cock still keeping his cum from seeping out of you.

You weren’t really sure what you were allowed to do. With former boyfriends, there was no question that you would cuddle into them. Maybe even fall asleep. But this was Yoon Jeonghan and you had managed to even exhaust him. What was the protocol?

You unsurely tilted your head up, intending on glancing at Jeonghan. Maybe you needed to suck it up and get out of his bed? But you were startled to find that he was looking down at you with a surprised expression on his face.

You blinked.

“What?” You asked him, suddenly acutely aware of everything that you had let Jeonghan do.

“Just wondering what to do with you,” Jeonghan replied, his voice soft. One of his hands lowered to your face and he closed his thumb and index finger on your jaw. He moved your face from one side to the other.

You didn’t do anything to stop him- Honestly feeling the pit of your stomach coil at being so casually toyed with.

“You’ll just let me do anything to you, won’t you?” He asked.

“I have limits,” you insisted with a roll of your eyes. “You’ll just haven’t pushed me there yet.”

Jeonghan loosened his grip on you his thumb brushing your bottom lip. He pulled your lip down.

“Can I hit you?” He asked.

“We’re alone,” you replied. “You don’t have to ask.”

Jeonghan’s hand came across your cheek, but it wasn’t as much of a slap as it was a sharp pat. He squeezed your chin again between his fingers.

“Good girl,” he mumbled. “You’d do anything for me wouldn’t you?”

You wished you could look away from Jeonghan but even if you wanted to, his grip was tight.

“Jeonghan, you’re embarrassing me,” you murmured, your voice quiet. Jeonghan laughed and his grip loosened on your chin so that you could look away.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just genuinely surprised. I’ve never slept with someone who let me do so much to them and liked it so much. I’m starting to think you don’t remember our safe word.”

You repeated the safe word under your breath, just to prove that you still knew it.

“Where does the control stop?” Jeonghan asked. “How often can I do this sort of thing to you?”

That earned Jeonghan your gaze back.

“How often...” You trailed off. “Like, we’re going to do this again?”

You couldn’t keep yourself from being surprised.

“But you never sleep with anyone twice?”

“We’re not going to be dating really,” Jeonghan said. “If you agree with it, I mean, but I want to see you at parties. I want you to be my eye candy. I don’t want you fucking other people.”

You nodded.

“Done, done, and done,” you agreed. “You can be controlling in public. I don’t mind the way that you physically move me around, and I like it when your grip is tight on me because you don’t like the attention I’m getting...”

You trailed off.

“But you can’t hit me in public. You have to let me talk to who I want to. The reaction with Yeongtae was...” You cleared your throat. “Hot... As long as you don’t actually mind me talking to him.”

“You’re going to talk to Yeongtae after that phone call?” Jeonghan asked, his voice high.

“Absolutely not, I’d rather die,” you laughed. “But you know what I mean.”

You glanced away from him.

“I... You...” You sighed. “I don’t think any man has ever made me come before,” you admitted. “I’d do anything to still be your fuck buddy.”

Jeonghan stared at you for a little bit.

“Give me a phrase for if I’m doing too much in public.” Jeonghan stated. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in a way that you don’t like.”

“I think Jennie texted me,” you replied instantly. Jeonghan nodded, his eyes drifting to the side for a moment in thought.

“Done.”

Jeonghan’s hand slid down to your neck, his thumb pushing up your chin. His nose brushed against yours and he pressed his lips to yours. It wasn’t chaste like you were used to after sex. It was heavy, controlling, almost as if Jeonghan wanted to turn you back on all over again.

But before he could do much his lips pulled away from yours and his thumb rubbed your neck.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so drained by a partner,” Jeonghan said with a laugh. He shifted, slipping his cock out of you. You whined in protest, but Jeonghan completely ignored you. He pulled away from you, stretching once he was standing upright.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he said. “You have to take a shower.”

You groaned in protest.

“I don’t need it. I’m fine.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes and without warning dipped two of his fingers into your pussy, pushing his cum deeper inside of you. You mewled at the feeling.

“So you just want to keep this inside you, huh?”

He withdrew his fingers, shaking his head.

“I’ll come back for you, so you can get in the shower,” he said. “What do you want to eat?”

“I’m not really that hungry,” you stated, but that wasn’t really true. You were starving.

“Don’t care. What do you want?”

You sighed.

“Mac and cheese?”

“Done,” Jeonghan said. He smiled at you. “Now be a good girl and put on one of my shirts.”

Waking up before Jeonghan, you decided to just let yourself out. Jeonghan hadn’t really told you when he wanted to see you next but regardless, you didn’t want to find yourself in an awkward post one night stand situation. You weren’t really sure how to act around Jeonghan if you weren’t being railed by him after all.

You didn’t quite escape without being sighted. You sent an awkward smile to a tall boy sitting at the kitchen table, shooting you a scrunched nose look.

“You can walk after that night?”

Your face blazed, and all you could manage to murmur was an apology and a good bye.

After a second shower and a breakfast with Jeongyeon recounting your night in as little details as possible you went to work at your job on campus. By the time your shift was over, your memories of the night before were hazy at best.

“...Y/n?” Confusion riddled across your face and you turned around, taking one of your airpods out of your ear. You searched for the source of the voice and when you found it, your face paled.

“Oh my god-”

And yet, those memories weren’t nearly hazy enough.

Yeongtae smiled at you, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck.

“It’s good to see you,” he greeted. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes ran over the part of your body that he can see. “I’m surprised he doesn’t leave bruises on you that people can see. He sounded possessive on the phone.”

“I-” You weren’t entirely sure what to say. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what comes over me when he’s in control but I just can’t help but do whatever he wants me to and-”

Yeongtae raised his hand in the air.

“It’s fine. People have their own things they’re into,” Yeongtae said. “Some of the things... Weird and disturbing, but their own things nonetheless.”

“Have you had lunch yet?” He continued. “Would your boyfriend care if we got something to eat?”

“Jeonghan and I are not dating,” you denied with a roll of your eyes.

“You know that makes the phone call I received worse right?”

“Why were you on the line for so long?!” You snapped back. Yeongtae laughed at your quick clap-back, and the smile on his face actually made a smile appear on yours. “You’re fucking weird Yeongtae.”

“Weird, and hungry. You down for a lunch date or what?”

You thought over the invitation, but the decision ended up being easy when your stomach grumbled in protest at the lack of food.

“Yeah, okay but cool it on the weird shit.”

“Says the one who got off to telling me they were a slut over-”

“Okay, what did you want to eat?”

Part Three: Not a Friend

2K notes · View notes

dotthings · 21 days

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Congrats to the fans of the wee woo show. I don’t go here but it makes me happy to witness how this arc for Evan Buckley got to bloom and I’m happy because I hope this reflects another shift in the TV industry.

For some media commentary context for you: ABC network is owned by Disney. Fox network was owned by Rupert Murdoch. So I can see how the network change for 911 can easily be a factor on how this got greenlit, after years of creator Tim Minear’s intention to work in hints, on the off chance he could take it there. (I don’t go here, but I did my reading). Oliver Stark who plays Buck also revealed he's been for it and couldn't say anything, until he was sure they could do it, until it aired and was out there. (*steeples fingers*)

For further context, Bob Iger—with George Lucas’ vocal support—just fended off a right wing coup on the Disney board from the kinds of people (like Peltz) who complain “why do we need so many female leads” “why do we need movies with all Black leads.” While it doesn’t mean Disney is no longer an evil megacorp, I’m pointing out that its CEO defended inclusive Disney brand content to the shareholders and the board, as well as dismantling the idea that it can’t be entertainment while being diverse.

The ripple of this goes outside of the wee woo show fandom. I’m seeing the joy on my dash from people who don’t watch the show or don’t watch it regularly, as well as from people who have been watching a long time and noticed things and realized there was a progression and it was there all along, and I know how much this must mean to a lot of people. With the world being how it is, with what people are facing inside the US from the far right, in their real lives.

It’s very hopeful in general for inclusion levels on a major network TV show, owned by a big evil megacorp. Representation matters.

Also I'm aware the wee woo show already had a queer couple, plus it's already an intersectional inclusive series, that’s great.

There shouldn't be limits placed on inclusion though. “But you already have X” shouldn't be weaponized to tell people to shut up. There is no “enough” or “too much” when it comes to inclusion. While I'm not for undermining the inclusion that's there, I've seen that weaponization used with a series that hasn't been great on inclusion, and I've seen that weaponization used for 911, which is. It's a sus argument.

Indirect and unintentional as it is, also bi Buck shut down every concern troll, every gaslight, every denial, every rationale I've ever seen people deploy against bi Dean. Everything from people who don’t understand what bi actual means—“but he likes girls so he can’t be bi”—to “but he wasn’t declared bi from the start of the show so he can’t”—yes he can and the wee woo show just did. On one of the original big three networks. Or people who say it would "ruin the character." Really? “But he’s an action hero”—so what? Evan Buckley is a hero, Dean is a hero, both badass action heroes. “People who see this as canon are delusional”—Evan Buckley went O RLY? Not so delusional now, is it.

Evan Buckley avenged bi Dean.

It’s self-evident. It’s right there. Different show, different network, but the concepts are familiar, the situation has a certain familiarity. This turn of events on an ABC show didn't just make bi Dean fans valid. bi Dean fans were always valid, the bi Dean reading was always valid. But I appreciate how much what happened on the wee woo show bonked people with a truth stick, about self discovery, character arcing, queer readings, queer coding, and the validity of merely noticing things.

#bi Dean #dot trolls the media #dot trolls fandom

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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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By god do I just need to scream into the ether about the Heart and co. confrontation scene.

First, the tension, incredible. Gemini and Fourth are phenomenal actors. Heart and Li Ming know they are walking in to a very emotionally fraught situation and their hesitation is palpable.

It's scene breakdown time babyyyy! Let's start from the beginning

For a boy who admitted last episode that he has no idea what he is doing, he sure keeps doing things right. He's letting Heart know he's going to talk. Now, granted I don't know what he is saying here precisely if he is just simply saying "I'm going to talk for us/first", "I'll interpret," or if he's saying "I'm going to talk?", I don't think his face moves in any way that would imply a question, but his face is partially obscured. Either way he is at the very least keeping Heart in the know, and at the most asking for Heart's explicit consent to lead this conversation. You can't see it from pictures, but I appreciate the fact that before they cut back to the wide shot, Heart nods, so we as an audience, and Li Ming as the speaker here knows that Heart is okay with the power dynamics at play, with Li Ming talking for both of them.

It's a blink and you'll miss it moment, thankfully I'm obsessed with this scene and therefore have been looping it endlessly, but I feel compelled to point out the way eye contact in this moment goes a long way in conveying how Heart's Mom and Li Ming view Heart. When Heart's mother points to her son she doesn't even look at him. The most she does is cast a downward glance at his bandage, and that's before she even points. And you can argue all you want that she doesn't look at him because she's specifically talking to and addressing Li Ming. But I call bullshit on that because Li Ming is specifically talking to and addressing Heart's mother, and he's looking straight in to Heart's eyes when he refers to and gestures towards Heart. I'm sure that both of these characters believe they love and care about Heart, but of these two characters which one actually recognizes Heart's personhood?

But uh oh! Li Ming stood up for himself and for Heart, and talked back to not just an adult, but a powerful adult. And now she's mentioning past debts, and now there will be more to pay as a result. And Li Ming can only work so much with school and life and everything. He clearly doesn't know what he's getting himself in to, or what he has gotten himself in to. Li Ming and Heart's Mom are both getting angry, tensions are rising, something needs to happen to de-escalate the situation or this might go wrong. Uncle Jim absolutely must intervene (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice). Interesting note: Guess who else doesn't look at their child when making a decision for them. Jim does look at Li Ming directly after this though, but it's to ask him why he did it. It's to place the blame for the accident on Li Ming. "You Li Ming, why did you do it?" "Heart asked me to." "Stop saying that."

Jim is scared, Li Ming is pissed. "He was bored at home" "I said stop!" Jim is used to the way powerful and wealthy people can control and punish the poor. Jim and Li Ming have had conversations before that indicate this very mindset. Jim has mentioned power to Li Ming before and Li Ming's response has always been "what, so we just let them?" "He's a police officer so he can just do anything he wants to us?" to a young adult like Li Ming, this is an absurdity, to an older man like Jim, this is a reality. "he can just do anything he wants to us?" the answer is yes. Which is why Jim is so desperate to get Li Ming to stop talking here. But it just serves as a reminder to Li Ming that Jim thinks he's a child, and that he needs all his battles fought for him. If Li Ming doesn't keep pushing, nothing is going to change (social and political commentary anyone?)

"There you go again," Heart's mother says, and this is Li Ming's initial reaction. This moment of annoyance and anger that this woman who doesn't even know him is once again accusing him of something he didn't do. This woman who is pointing once again to her son without even a glance in his direction "You know that he's mute, so you can say whatever you want?" First of all, even people who are mute have ways to communicate, so it's not like even if he was mute Heart would be helpless. Hell, even if Heart was mute he still has fucking sign language.

The face of a woman who was, in fact, not aware that deaf people dislike being called mute.

GUESS WHO FINALLY LOOKS AT HER SON AFTER THAT!!!! Please please if the writers are kind and merciful, this will be the point in the show where Heart's mother does so deep deep introspection and realizes how much she has fucked up. "He's just deaf," Li Ming says, loudly, and he steps forward, to try to engage Heart's mom in further conversation, in more dialogue. And what does Jim do? Pulls him back, takes him off his even footing "I said stop,"

The face of a man who is very scared for the trouble his nephew might be getting himself in to, and the face of his nephew who is very disappointed that his uncle keeps not only backing down, but forcing him to back down as well. Who keeps asking him, in these small ways to lie instead of tell the truth. To remain quiet, to take the blame, to stick to the status quo.

And then the part I hate (emotionally) begins. Heart asks Li Ming to tell him what they're saying. And I hate it because Heart's parents refusing to learn sign language does not only hurt Heart but it hurts everyone around him, themselves included. But specifically here, it hurts Li Ming, because he has to be the one to look Heart in the face and repeat the words his mother said, knowing that to do so will hurt Heart. Knowing that he has to be the one to hurt Heart.

And this moment is also a great reminder for the audience as well that no one else knowing sign language creates really uncomfortable power dynamics between the person who is able to interpret and the Deaf person. Because Li Ming is hesitant to repeat it. Heart has to repeatedly grab his arm, repeatedly ask Li Ming to tell him what was said. Li Ming has absolute power over Heart right now, to refuse to say it, or to flat out lie. He doesn't, but it also should not be Li Ming's decision whether or not Heart knows, accurately, what was said. Even after we see it in his face that Li Ming agrees to translate, he still hesitates for a few seconds to move, to reach for the notepad, to have to write it down.

And once he writes it down, Li Ming's eyes do not leave Heart. He is honed in on Heart, on Heart's face, on his shoulders, hell even on the back of his head until Heart asks him to translate. And god as much as I hate this moment in the scene for the pain that it causes Li Ming, I hate it even more for the pain that it causes Heart.

He is fucking livid. Rightfully so, because HE'S NOT FUCKING MUTE, HE'S HAD LANGUAGE THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME. He just wants to live his life like everyone else AND HE HAS TO TELL HIS PARENT'S THAT USING SOMEONE ELSE'S VOICE. Because they have refused to use his own. GOD. I'll be surprised if anyone makes it this far down in the post but I just...AHHHH I have no coherent thoughts about this moment, I just....Heart's parents do fucking better. Damn. And the worst part of this scene is yet to come because his Mom tries for like 0.2 seconds, but it looks like she's going to start signing something and Heart just looks SO surprised.

He's so focused on it, he's paying so much attention to it. Is this it? Is this the moment he finds out that his mother has actually been trying? That she has learned and is ready to start using sign language with him? To talk to him, to understand him?

No.

She can't do it. She doesn't know how to. And it's just..it's so easy to see how much hope he had for just a second, how much that one millisecond of effort obliterated all the logic in his head that told him they didn't know it, they didn't care. And how quickly that disappointed anger snaps right back in to place. So Heart starts talking, in sign language, like he has been able to do for years, and he speaks his mind, and his mother still can't understand him. And we see the same dynamic here as with the "mute" comment. Heart's Mom wants Li Ming to translate, Heart wants Li Ming to translate, Li Ming knows how hurt Heart is, and yeah, probably some of his hesitation in voicing what Heart said is because he knows what Heart said will hurt her. But more so because I think it hurts Li Ming to know how much pain Heart is in.

God, poor Heart, literally having to beg to be heard.

"He said you are ashamed of him being deaf,"

His mother shakes her head and says "Heart, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, dear," and therein lies the problem. She doesn't know what to say, she never has. She has never bothered to learn how to communicate with him since he went deaf. She has kept him locked away. And it doesn't matter if she thinks she did that to keep him safe, Heart feels like he's being hidden away. And she doesn't say "No. No I'm not ashamed. I have never been ashamed." she doesn't know what to say. Because she can't say that. She can't deny that, and it just confirmed everything that Heart has known. So he leaves, because that's too much to handle.

Bullshit 'he'll be fine, honey'. Your fucking son just told you that you never bothered to learn sign language in THREE FUCKING YEARS, and stormed away after admitting that he feels like you are ashamed of him, and you think no need to go after him, he'll be fine??? Fuck you. ACAB.

Does this...

look like...

he's fine, to you?

No. I didn't think so.

I don't really feel like I need to say much about this last shot. It stands on its own so strongly. Mirrors reflecting back, Heart and Li Ming only ever being able to see each other, to be seen by each other. Warm light at Heart's back, Li Ming in front of him, sandwiched between warmth in all of that blue, isolating coldness. All that evidence of how much time and the energy Heart has spent learning sign language. I don't know what the post-its say, I don't know that I want to know.

I don't know if they are notes Heart has written to himself when he was learning, and this is just what remains of his effort. Honestly I hope it's that, because if it is what I think it is, general, every day responses that he might have to give in reply to his parents that he can just pull off his wall and return, that is so much fucking worse. Because then its just the evidence of all the effort Heart has put in to communicate with his parents on their level when they have not put in the same effort to communicate on his. Even if it's something cute, even if it's all the notes that he and Li Ming have passed back and forth to each other over the last few months, serving as a reminder that someone cares, you still are left with the heartbreaking shot of two young men, desperate to be understood by their families, only having each other to hold on to, surrounded by reminders that they are the only two people that can understand each other. No matter how hard they try.

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norrisleclercf1 · 2 months

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When I finally get around to catching up on DTS I know it’s not nearly going to be entertaining as your commentary on it 😔🤧

Okay this is stuff they should've had in and my thoughts

Carlos saying "it's on purpose"

building up to Mclaren actually winning, like what was that episode ???? It was okay, but come on build it up over the episodes

Alpine vs Oscar where was that whole drama

Sorry but all the drivers knew that DTS only cared about Daniel coming back and could have cared less about the rest

Logan struggling and finding himself ????

Barely any Haas episodes? What happened to them being up Gunthers ass???

Toto and Lewis radio message in Austria, come on that would have been perfect considering Lewis is now going to Ferrari

Singapore should've been talked about more

Oscar, Lando, and McLaren and their amazing turn around, should have been talked about more

Checo struggling ???? I'm sorry but holy hell where was that

this entire season felt like just one main build up to having Daniel come back, it truly did. Like I love Daniel but mmmm something about this season doesn't sit right with me

Alpine episode has been the only truly good episode that I paid attention too

should've seen more of Lance struggle and his healing process

Did they even cover Charles DNF in Australia

I know we didn't like it, but they just ghosted over it like nothing almost

any episodes with Daniel, CH was just up his ass in love with him which is odd, he's never really shown favoritism to his drivers

Where was Lando's other podiums and how well he did? What was Silverstone the only one that meant something

okay I'm done

#again just my own opionin #f1 #formula 1 #f1 fandom #dts6 #formula one

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foundfamilywhump · 6 months

Text

serious word of warning about a server that's been making the rounds

i've debated about making this post a lot, for a lot of reasons. i'm concerned about making it as a trans person and as a relatively new blog, though i've been involved in the whump community for years. i hope you'll hear me out and i'm not looking forward to whatever backlash may come my way, should anyone actually pay attention to this at all.

the short version is: the whump discord server 'whump lovers collaborate' (@/whumplovers-collaborate) is unsafe and hostile to trans people and the server owner will not take action to shut down transphobia, nor will she allow her mod team to do so. i am certain this would apply to other bigotries as well. i know this because i am trans, and when i called out some disgustingly transphobic commentary being made by a member of the server i was blamed for causing drama, essentially, and there was a rule added to the server not to talk about 'controversial topics' or get into arguments, and that was all that was done.

the much longer version is under the cut. i just can't sit on this anymore after seeing that the server got advertised in the whumptober server (to no fault of the whumptober mods who didn't know about any of this, they're fine) and also seeing hundreds of notes on posts broadcasting it. this server is unsafe for trans people and the server owner is actively enabling bigots. given the whump community has a bit of a transphobia problem in some places, i wanted to make sure no trans person or ally was unwittingly walking into that without warning. i'd appreciate it if you would spread the word as well, to keep trans community members and allies safe.

so, here's what happened:

i was in the whump lovers collaborate server for a while earlier this year. in february, a member of the server started spouting off some extremely transphobic rhetoric, including talking about inherent biological differences between men and women, that women are inherently and unchangeably weaker than men, that men have a 'biological instinct' to protect women, and other things. (there was also some bizarre commentary about how abuse or assault committed against men was inherently less upsetting, and often funny to witness because of this).

seeing this and being unwilling, as both a trans person and someone who believes it is important to not let bigotry go unchallenged, i stepped in and called out these statements for being both factually untrue and steeped in both misogyny and transphobia. this person and i went around and around in circles as he asked 'genuine questions' which were just thinly veiled excuses to continue needling me on the subject. eventually, i shut it down by saying that this was not the appropriate venue for a transphobic cis person to get educated about the nuance of the trans experience and trans issues, but what he was saying was transphobic and he needed to stop now that he'd been told that.

throughout this interaction, mods were emoji-reacting and responding to other things. at no point did any mod step in to help me or shut down the transphobia or at all intervene in what was happening. after i shut things down for good, one of the mods said 'thanks for keeping everything respectful' which was a truly laughable thing to have said in that situation.

after this, the server owner made an announcement that said, among a few other things about Not Fighting: "Friendly reminder that we are all here because of what we have in common, our love of writing We are not here to debate controversial issues Or say harmful opinions If you cannot hold a conversation without being civil and without escalating conflict, back away from the channel, and cool down All involved in a conflict are responsible for turning a chill space sour No matter how right you think you are (I’m not saying no mention of controversial things is allowed per se, I’m saying be civil, if that means avoiding controversial topics, avoid away)"

this is not an appropriate response to one person espousing blatant transphobia (among other disgusting views) and being called on it. a rule was added that if a mod or the server owner asked you to change the subject from a topic, you had to do so immediately and there should be no more discussion of it 'by any of the participants'. no rule was present to begin with making clear that bigotry was not tolerated, nor was one added.

subsequently, the server owner made it clear she had no interest in protecting marginalized community members, and that she blamed me for what happened because i refused to allow rampant transphobia to proceed unchecked.

when either asked by other server members about what happened or when asking server members who left why they left (which is a weird thing to do on its own) the server owner responded by essentially throwing a fit and asking what she was supposed to do? kick the transphobe out? she whined about how the person saying something should be done about the transphobe was assuming that she hadn't already done anything.

(she also said that she hadn't done anything. the person was not warned, muted, banned, there were no consequences. but she whined about the assumption that she hadn't done anything about it.)

she also said that it wasn't just the transphobe's fault. "[transphobe] was not the only one at fault there in that others contributed to the conflict by engaging them, drawing out more of their unpleasant opinions. If I punished [problem person] alone, the others might think that they were in the right" that is a direct quote from the server owner. i was clearly the person she was speaking about, and she refused to enforce consequences on the transphobe because that might lead to me thinking that it was okay to call out transphobia and protect myself and other trans people in that space.

when i spoke to a few of the other mods about what happened, the response was disappointing, to put it mildly. the mod team had apparently tried to argue with her and get her to enforce a no bigotry policy but she was afraid of causing arguments and didn't want to deal with conflict, and so refused to do so. this is not acceptable behaviour for someone who is in charge of such a large space. you cannot be this conflict-averse and also run a server of hundreds of people, especially if the outcome is protecting bigots.

the mods i spoke to also got defensive and upset when i pointed out that by not expressing disagreement with the owner's actions and by throwing up their hands and saying 'oh well, nothing we can do!' they were also tacitly endorsing transphobia and a community that protects transphobes at the expense of trans people. they were unwilling to do anything in the moment, and failed to do anything after the fact either.

i have screenshots and proof of all of these events, but i didn't add them here bc i didn't want to make this even longer. please feel free to contact me directly if you would like any further information or to see proof of what i have mentioned here.

in short:

please do not join this server. you will not be protected there, as the server owner cares more about making it as big and as popular as possible than she does about keeping her server bigot-free. please do not promote this server or allow this server to be promoted in your own spaces either. please do your part to keep trans people in the whump community safe.

#whump #whump community #whumpblr #idk what else to tag this with ugh #long post

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irregularcollapse · 14 days

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read through your previous answer and was wondering: how do you write laurent (from hold (me), please?)

thank you for all your work!

When I was writing even in another time, I wrote a lot of things about how I approach Laurent, because he was the POV character! Everything I've said about EIAT Laurent is applicable to any Laurent, really, because it's all based in character analysis:

this answer about Laurent's bunions

this answer about Laurent's approach to sex as a survivor of child sexual abuse

this answer about Laurent and Nicaise

this answer about Laurent and Auguste (with added commentary/analysis by my forever-beta reader @sulkybbarnes)

this answer about the abuse which Laurent inflicts on Damen in book 1 and where it comes from

and also this post I made about Laurent's motivation in book 1, because he is not actually getting revenge for Auguste's death when he repeatedly punishes Damen in book 1; he thinks he is getting revenge for years of sexual and psychological abuse.

What is always in consideration when I write Laurent is that he is an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. I’m not going to beat around the bush with this; he isn’t just “damaged” or “hurt” or “bitchy.” He was repeatedly raped and psychologically abused by his uncle from the age of 13, likely until the age of 15, after losing his mother, father, and brother within the span of a few months. He then was obliged and made to continue living under his abuser’s control, in a place where it is impossible that no one knew what was done to him, witnessing his uncle be enabled to continue abusing other boys.

The narrative about him at Arles was completely controlled by his abuser, which is shown to the reader initially first-hand in book 1 when Damen witnesses the Regent manipulating and directing council members to see Laurent as out of control and worthy of punishment; the Regent is even shown, on page, deliberately manipulating Damen. Laurent is unable to retreat from the reminder of being sexually abused: the entire court are open in sexualising and objectifying him despite his best efforts to close himself off and become effectively repulsive, he says since the age of 15; rape itself is glorified as entertainment, and everyone in the place where he lives sits around and cheers for it—is even aroused by it. Since he was 15, everyone else in the court being adults. Everything from the way people talk about him to the hypersexual environment of the court is a reinforcement to Laurent that his uncle’s version of events is the correct one: he asked for it, and he deserved it.

People love to bring up how Damen “didn’t realise” or “didn’t notice” what happened to Laurent, and deride him for not connecting the dots even after he knew that the Regent was a pedophile. It is much more pertinent to Laurent’s story, and indeed Damen’s as well, to ask why no one at the court did anything to protect any of the boys abused by the Regent, including Laurent. People knew. There is evidence throughout all three books that people knew—grown adults, not teenagers like Laurent (him being merely 20 years old throughout the trilogy) and they did nothing. The Crown Prince has his ear pierced like a pet, specifically noted as a taste of the Regent, and there are readers who think it was a secret? We know that Laurent was made to wear paint; we know that he was made to drink and take drugs. It would not have been spoken about, it would not have been acknowledged, but people in the court would have known.

That is why Laurent is a “cast iron bitch” to the people of the court: they stand in front of him and call him “your highness” when they not only failed to intervene when he was his uncle’s target, but now ignore and enable the continued abuse happening right in front of them. They also gossip and talk about him, actively engaging in ongoing and persistent sexual harassment. The only person who doesn't do this is Damen, and even then Laurent has a difficult time letting go of the idea that Damen only wants him for sex. This is not a reflection of Damen specifically; it is a reflection of Laurent's entire life existing around adult men.

Laurent isn’t cold and vulgar and sharp without reason: it is a defense mechanism. He does not act out of inherent spite or delight in the misery of others or just because he likes seeing people humiliated for no reason. It’s interesting that people think of Damen as a black and white thinker who has to be taught to see nuance, because actually in that respect, he and Laurent are the same: the teach each other to see nuance, and to be moderate, because until Damen arrives Laurent has a very tit-for-tat view of justice and a broad brush with which he paints. Damen is more inclined to see the good in people; Laurent is more inclined to see the bad—but they both share an unshakable sense of justice and a belief that people who hurt others need to be punished. There are reasons for both of them to be this way: the societies they have been raised in both put punishment at the forefront of the response to perceived crimes, and the punishments are largely physical and based on arbitrary decisions of proportionality. They teach each other the value of forgiveness and nuance.

This is more than I intended to write, but I've got more energy this morning than I did answering the ask about Damen so my thoughts are connecting a bit better. I guess what I'm saying is that writing about Laurent and sex and relationships is always going to require a foundational understanding of and compassion for trauma caused by sexual abuse. That is as true in canon as it is for me writing even in another time as it is for hold (me) please.

#asks #anonymous #my writing #laurent of vere #i have more energy today but not energy enough to find references for all of this #but believe me. there ARE references for all of this #captive prince

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novelmonger · 3 months

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Continuing to watch through the Writer/Director commentary of LotR (with Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens, and Fran Walsh) and jotting down any new-to-me information I come across. Here's what I gleaned from TTT:

When they got the New Line logo to put on the movies, it was very old and scratched, so PJ gave it to Weta to touch it up. They joked about how they should bill New Line for it XD

Originally, the studio wanted TTT to start off with a prologue too, with Cate Blanchett narrating what sounds like it was basically going to be a "Previously on..." spiel, even though they didn't like the idea of the prologue in the first one. Thankfully, these three ignored the studio's advice both times XD

The Uruk who says "Manflesh" is also the guy in Sauron's armor in the prologue!

In the scene where the Rohirrim find Theodred, it's not actually raining! They used rain towers for the close-ups, but any wide shots just have CG rain. I would never have guessed!

Andy Serkis did the voices for the Uruk-Hai who says the "maggoty bread" line, and the orc who says, "Yeah, why can't we have some meat?" (The actor in the suit for the latter is, of course, Jed Brophy, who went on to play Nori in the Hobbit movies.)

Somehow it never registered for me that Orlando Bloom has brown eyes, and so he had to wear blue contacts when he played Legolas ^^' But sometimes he wasn't able to wear the contacts (or forgot), so there are some scenes where they had to fix it in post.

PJ called the Treebeard from the animated Bakshi movie "a walking carrot" XD He also said that Treebeard is his favorite character!

The scene with Smeagol killing Deagol was originally going to be a flashback right after Frodo says his name, and then the Nazgul shriek would pull the audience out of the flashback. They decided not to do that for pacing reasons and because we haven't spent much time with Gollum yet, so that's why they put it at the beginning of RotK instead.

Bernard Hill had his son with him on the shoot and would play with him in his downtime on the Edoras set. Puts things into perspective when you hear that he was the one who came up with the line "No parent should have to bury their child."

They were originally looking at Bernard Hill for Gandalf! (I feel like I've probably heard this before, but anyway.)

They filmed a flashback to Aragorn and Arwen's first meeting?! Viggo shaved to make himself look younger, and it was a scene of the two of them "frolicking about the forest." It was originally going to be put in the Lothlorien sequence, but they cut it out in favor of that scene between Aragorn and Boromir, because they decided it was more important to earn Boromir's death scene than to remind the audience of the romance. I agree with that decision, but it would be cool to see that footage! (I say as someone who prefers to skip the TTT Aragorn/Arwen scene entirely XD)

Originally, the warg battle was going to happen at Edoras itself. It was going to be at night, everything was going to be on fire, and ultimately that was going to be the reason everyone evacuated and went to Helm's Deep. Also, a warg was going to be set on fire and end up dragging Aragorn through the streets, and that was going to be how Aragorn would be left for dead. Ultimately, the reason they did it the way they did was because the studio wasn't sure Weta could do a flaming warg (something all three of them laughed about, considering everything Weta did manage to do with flying colors), and because it would have been a nightmare to light the Edoras set at night, because that location was so remote and so windy. Which is why every scene in Edoras takes place in the daytime!

In the scene where Faramir talks about his dream where he saw Boromir in the boat, you can see a sort of pinkish color in the water around Boromir's body. That's because the dye from his shirt (surcoat? idk) was leaking out into the water! XD

When Andy Serkis did ADR for the Forbidden Pool scene, he couldn't manage to sing the song off-key, so they had to use the audio from the motion capture footage XD

They shot some additional footage of Aragorn unconscious on Brego's back, riding past an orc encampment, that they never ended up using.

Theoden was originally going to give a speech to the soldiers in the armory, but Bernard Hill's performance was so inspiring that it defused most of the tension they were trying to build up before the battle, so they took it out. Would love to see that footage!

So the boy Aragorn encourages before the battle ("There is always hope.") was Philippa Boyens' son, who was 13 when they filmed the scene. But by the time they went to do ADR, his voice had broken, so they had to get a different child actor to say his lines.

Aww, the extra who was missing an eye said he always felt self-conscious about his missing eye, so he always wore an eyepatch. But then after they gave him a close-up and the guy saw the movie, he said he felt much better about his appearance! :')

Treebeard's line "I always like going south; it feels like going downhill" was ad-libbed!

When Saruman turns and reacts to all the water pouring in and washing his machinery away, that shot was actually a reaction shot to Wormtongue on top of the tower from the RotK movie that they repurposed for this scene instead, since they hadn't shot any reactions to the flood.

At least at the time of the recording of this audio commentary, the final shot of Gollum, where he's arguing with himself and ultimately decides to lead Frodo and Sam to Shelob, was the longest CG shot in any movie. (I tried to google what the current record is, but couldn't find anything, so if anyone knows, I'd love to hear about it!)

Fran Walsh: "All cinema storytelling, to a degree, is shallow. That's the nature of the medium. You've got two or three hours to present a world and a dense story with a hundred themes and a ton of backstory, in this instance, and 22 characters...so you can only really have the veneer of depth. You really can't have anything that comes close to the depth of the books, or the experience of the books. So I think what we attempted to do was to use the language of the books where we could and to certainly invoke them, the iconic images, where we could, but to keep the storytelling very much...to modernize it, if you like, in terms of cinema language. So we didn't, for example, use the style of storytelling that was in the books between these different after-the-fact storytelling, of Sam and Frodo and then a chunk of the Aragorn story. We completely undercut it. That was a far more immediate and engaging way to connect it to the audience. You can't really hope to satisfy people who adore this book, with the movie. You can only ever give them the sense of what might have been. That's all a film can do. I think, in that sense, films...I mean, they're entertainments. They're just not going to give you the pleasure that a book can give you."

#lord of the rings #lotr #the two towers #peter jackson #philippa boyens #fran walsh #i feel like i learned more with this one than the fotr one which was cool!

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suzie-shooter · 11 months

Text

Screaming Meals - Le Mans commentary highlights 10.06.23

J: It's quarter to three, race is due to start at three o'clock. Obviously, you know, told Marcus to get here at two. C: Still not here.

J: I think the Cadillacs should have a good race. I mean it broke down in qualifying yesterday, it couldn't manage to do 45 minutes and now it's got to do 24 hours.

C: Roland Garros, women's finals, at the moment. J: Who's in that? C: Swiatek and [...] I don't know the other person. J: I went to school with someone called Swiatek. [...] But he was called Matthew so it's probably not him.

C: Why am I eating? Bit of a rough morning really. J: To say the least. Clem's parked up on struggle street.

C: Hoping for a moist affair.

C: Damn, my ramen's going to go everywhere. J: Ramen's going to be great ASMR as well, slopping and slurping everywhere like some kind of deranged ignoramus.

J: "What were Marcus' thoughts on James' last stream?" I think he quite liked it - I don't think he watched it 'cause he was racing so I don't know if he has too many thoughts on that stream. Nothing really happened, and yeah from his point of view he was a bit busy, so...

C: "Did Marcus like the Detroit track?" J: He loved it actually. C: D'you know what, you can ask him when he arrives, but, fucking, probably won't arrive. J: He's not officially late for another seven minutes.

C: So James is doing a 24 hour stream. J: I'm not.

C: Great mouthfeel. If I could paint a picture with words for ya, it's ah, it's really good. J: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a real career waiting for you in food blogs.

C: I'm gonna take a couple of the old chillies out there. J: What an absolute - front cartilage. C: No, listen, I'm a backbone. Oh! Front cartilage, that's the opposite of a backbone. J: There you go, well done.

C: Loving the shorts too. J: Thank you. They were on sale. In 2014. C: Where'd you get those? J: I believe these are Billabong actually? C: Billabong? I didnt take you for a surfer. J: Yeah, I actually, I thought about learning surfing in September of 2017 and then quite quickly had the realisation that I was due to move to London in 2 months and it would be absolutely pointless.

J: [Marcus has] let us down, he's let himself down, but more importantly - C: He's shaving his legs. J: He's let you guys down.

J: Let's see if Bourdais fucks it. C: That's not very nice James.

J: I'd love to see a replay of it, 'cause it was actually quite funny [...] oh it'd really tear your undies, on lap one of Le Mans, to put it in the wall like that.

C: Yeah, no, Dyson Airwrap, allows me to really straighten my hair in the mornings there and, er, allow me to have a bit more of a - bit more control. J: Control's important. Just tell that to Jack Aitken.

C: We've just got a slight issue really, getting new guests on. J: Yeah, no one seems to be keen. C: No one seems to be keen these days. J: I'm not sure what's happened...

J: I left for Monaco, and I packed two hats and I returned with four. And I didn't even buy one.

C: Not only is it absolutely massive but it's also bent. (Alain Prost's nose)

C: Shall we give Marcus a call, see what he's up to? [...] Yes mate, you've got 750 people waiting for you to arrive, but you seem to be 40 minutes late [...] ah, fuck him. *hangs up*

C: Thing is, we promised Marcus and he's just not quite delivered. J: Yeah...I feel sorry for the woman who ends up with him.

C: A lot of people asking whether I should be sitting their Business A Levels - I actually participated - partake - ah - partook in the business exam a couple of years ago. J: Must have done well in your English one as well.

J: As an organisation, two thirds of us - well, three quarters with Rory - do care about you, the fans. Marcus is a scoundrel and a traitor. C: He's a sort of a Han Solo character. J: What, he gets it on with his sister? C: Yes James. J: I'm not accusing anyone of anything there. I regret I said that actually, but I've said it now. Okay, so they're saying I was wrong there. C: You've fucked it up again.

J: I'm thinking that we're gonna need to reach out to the Serbian star and maybe start some kind of merch line: Novalak Djokovic.

J: So hot as well. Turned himself into a real DILF actually, Dan Carter. C: Absolute DILF. Dan Carter. Who's the biggest DILF for you? J: Ah what, just full stop, or in a certain area, or field? C: Full stop. J: It's probably got to be, um, Ryan Reynolds. C: Yeah, I was going to go with Ryan Reynolds. J: Yeah, he's a total DILF. C: Toto Wolff, in the comments. J: I feel like he'd be pretty boring in the sack. Patrick Dempsey, I mean you want to talk about hot old dudes and Le Mans, he's obviously got this team racing here.

J: Kimi Raikkonen there getting an honourable mention for, I'm assuming the DILF chat. C: Ah Kimi - pretty - I mean - probably not a - I wouldn't say he's a very vocal lover. J: Nah , he'd be a very silent lover. He'd be - I mean similar to Formula 1 media he'd communicate only in grunts and groans I believe. Very monotonous in his delivery of his love.

C: "Josef Newgarden qualifies as a DILF now." J: He does technically qualify as a DILF if - if he floats your boat, and you know, just speaking for myself there he's certainly floating mine.

J: I'm sure somebody knows what's going on here but it's not us. C: I've got no fucking idea.

(Screaming Meals technical gremlins make an appearance, giving us a brief glimpse of their kitchen)

J: Fixed! Fixed! How good! Just like the Formula 2 championship. C: I'm distancing myself so far away from that comment.

J: Where were we? I think we were talking about DILFs? C: Tom Hardy. DILF? J: Yeah, he's actually not my flavour of crisps to be honest, actually, Tom Hardy. He's quite short. I mean, you know, I'm not on the market, I'm just saying. C: You never cease to amaze me.

C: "Marcus being a male bimbo again." J: That would imply that at some stage he's actually stoppped being - 'cause you've said again - that implies that he's stopped being a male bimbo, whereas he's not.

J: "Marcus is Ken coded" - do you know what that means? C: Nope.

J: Clem's shades not quite dark enough to hide the fact that his eyes are now closed.

*Clem keels over sideways* J: Seem to have momentarily lost Clement Novalak, but I'm sure he will return.

J: 4.09 arrival predicted from Marcus Armstrong. C: Which is currently another 15 minutes. J: That's actually bang on 69 minutes late from Marcus Armstrong, you'd expect nothing less to be perfectly frank.

C: "Take a shot each time Clem yawns" - you're gonna be dead.

C: You're looking pretty moist.

C: Max Fewtrell. Doing the cooking. Probably doing a stream on cooking. J: Caged in his gimp suit on a leash.

J: I've been getting vastly mixed reviews on my long locks. C: It sort of looks a bit pubey at the back. J: Ally hates it. Ally fucking hates it. Which is why I'm keeping it.

C: First time he's actually text me since - hold on hold on - 17th May. J: There's a text string of Clem - I hope you don't mind me exposing this - there's three texts in a row from Clem to Fewtrell going - "Brother, I have an idea, a good one too" and he's just blanked him, he's not replied. Wise man. When Clement Novalak texts you to say he's got a good idea, don't fuckin' respond.

J: It really gets deep inside my goat. C: You do have a nice goat.

J [talking about buzzcuts]: Do you think it has like the same effect as like your downstairs, where it makes it look much bigger? C: I wouldn't want to have a massive head. J: Yeah exactly, that's what I'm thinking. C: 'Cause then it would make my massive honker look even larger. J: Yeah, no you don't want that. I can't afford my honker to look much bigger. I'm talking about my nose.

J: You do a good impression of a whipcrack actually. C: I just spat all over myself. J: Tune into Screaming Meals and watch two guys spit all over each other.

C: If I get a Pret [coffee] I'm gonna throw my phone out the window. J: Actually no you shouldn't do that it might kill someone. We're 28 floors up.

J: Actually I'm going to put the shot glasses in the freezer. Do you think I should put one in for his - his friend as well - do you think she's with him?

J: Yes it is a massive bottle of Corona, your eyes aren't deceiving you, Clem's not actually that small.

J: Is that our doorbell? I've never heard that before.

J: I had dinner with Marcus and a friend of his yesterday - can't remember her name - and he was still trying to insist that he's 6 ft tall.

J: "James show us the snazzy shorts you're wearing"

M: How are ya? C: You're three minutes late so that's three shots. J: No, no, no you're an hour and thirteen minutes late.

M: How are you feeling? C: Pretty rooted. Where are we going tonight?

M: I'm not having any shots. I'm not drinking today. I've got to do some stuff later.

C: You disappoint me. M: I know. C: Every day. M: Yeah, I know.

J: My back is absolutely destroyed from carrying this shit. C: Yeah James, you do carry.

C: Marcus? M: Yo. J: Where do you stand on DILFs?

J: Up in the hypercar field it's been real bumper to bumper. C: C&B, bumper to bumper. J: Is C&B meaning what I think it means?

J: I hate to be fussy but could you two bastards move over a bit? C: I need to lie back and have a wee sleep.

M: Did you tell them we did a pod yesterday? J: No. M: Were we keeping that a secret? J: Yeah, we were.

M: Is this slaving away? I can't think of anything better than sitting back, watching the race, feet up on the table. C: No, get your grippers out! M: Oh the grippers are out by the way everyone. C: Disgusting, piece of filth. J: [...] five minutes, and it's underwear off, shoes off, grease in the hair.

J: "Marcus is raw-dogging his shoes" - yes!

M: By the way I have actually - I've started washing my hair everyone. You'll find out in the pod. C: And wearing deoderant. M: And wearing deoderant as well. C: And do you know what, you look better and I'm starting to think that - M: I am better. J: You might even just taste better. C: Pfffff what the fuck?? J: I was just going with the senses there. You said look, the obvious next choice was taste.

M: When we went to Long Beach weren't we meant to do an intro video? J: We wanted to do something like that, but we did run out of time because we were being cancelled and you had an indycar race to do.

M: Do you still have this as your background? J: HoyteyJ and Minougey? Hoytey. C: You've taken Hoytey off yours M: I've had to change mine. C: Yeah, I know why. J: What is it now? M: It's a dog. J: Well that's a bit rude. C: That's a bit rude. *James screams* M: It's literally like - no - it's a labrador, it's literally a little baby labrador, no! C: Oh shit yeah [chat's] just gone off. M: Come on!

C: I don't have a CV. I arrive, I say - Clement Novalak, enchante.

J: What? M: Heart rate J: Is 34? M: Yes. J: Are you alive? M: When I'm sleeping it dips down. J: When you're asleep your heart rate is 34? M: Yes. My Oura ring stops counting when it goes under 33. J: Does it assume you're dead?

C: It was the first night I had redbull vodka in about six months [...] I was doing a long distance run mate, in my bed. J: Don't need to know any more details than that.

C: Can you fucking - leave your grippers away from my grippers? J: Yeah, that's quite aggressive. C: With that fucking massive toenail. M: I just wanna play footsie [...] yeah, we're playing footsies everybody.

J: Imagine having the audacity to leave people waiting an hour and a quarter, and then just being on your phone.

M: Clem are you okay mate? Good.

J: Fuckin' hell, you selling tickets there mate? M: Gun show there. J: Watch Marcus now get competitive and not be able to resist getting his guns out.

J: What's going to run out first, our countdown to 22 hours, or the iPad battery? That might be the most interesting battle we've got going on here.

J: Thanks so much for sticking with us for the last couple of hours [...] we don't know anything that's going on in the race and we've made almost no effort to find out.

#screaming meals #clement novalak #marcus armstrong #james harvey blair #screaming meals recap

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