#I’m trying to challenge myself to do more complex things

[eddiesxangel]

Take Me to the Lakes | E.M x reader part 5/6

Summary: This summer was supposed to be the summer to work at your favourite place in the world with your best friend. But things take a turn when it isn’t your best friend you end up working with.

Master list

cw: angst, dirty smut and more angst. 3.9k words

You’ve been grappling with yourself for days. The emotional turmoil is akin to a never-ending struggle. You are torn between two opposing forces—one driven by love, passion and desire to be with Eddie while the other grounded in reality. You know that leaving this idyllic bubble of happiness will mean facing the challenges and complexities of real life, which is causing you mental and emotional anguish.

You do, in fact, love Eddie. You have ever since you laid eyes on him. Even back then, pure infatuation turned into lust, which in turn made you fall in love with him all the same. This makes this decision that much more difficult to swallow. Your pride and reputation meant everything to you, but how could your two worlds coexist? 

You played along, pretending to ignore your worries when you were around Eddie. You wanted to take advantage of all the time you had left before summer ended. Only a few more weeks, time was running out, yet it stood still when you were with Eddie. Eddie made you feel safe and wanted. Eddie makes you feel alive and free. You always felt a sense of calm whenever you were with Eddie. There was something about him that made you feel like you could be your true self around him without any fear of judgment. You never had to put on a façade or pretend to be someone you're not. 

Eddie was your well-needed reminder that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and accepted. He appreciated you for who you were, flaws and all. Being with him was a source of comfort and reassurance you could always count on.

No matter how much you try to push it away, that little warning bell in your mind keeps ringing. It reminds you of all the things that could go wrong. It's like a constant companion that never leaves your side, always lurking in the back of your mind. 

The fear of the unknown was overwhelming and paralyzing at times, especially at night when you were alone with your thoughts, making you feel helpless and trapped.

With Eddie, you felt like you could let your guard down and be yourself. Eddie was also judged and tried; he was nothing of the man everyone blamed him for being, but you were only you; you couldn’t make the town see him for who he truly was. Or maybe you could? But the burden would be too much, ruining the status you’ve built up your whole life. Was it worth the risk? You know Eddie would risk it all for you, but deep down, you wouldn’t be able to do it for him…

—

Today, you were on Field duty with Robin, Ashton and Eddie. Not much had happened besides the four of you supervising the soccer game between your groups. So when you and Eddie asked them to cover for you for about twenty minutes, they reluctantly agreed. 

You and Eddie snuck off to the barn because you were running out of places to have sex. The cabin was mysteriously boarded up the last time you tried sneaking off, so you needed to get creative. 

“You’re always so horny” You giggle as he grabs your ass.

“It’s not that I’m horny…you’re just that sexy, I can’t help myself.” 

“Shut up and kiss me,” You giggle. 

Eddie presses you up against the raw wooded planks of the barn wall. It was stuffy and hot in there, but you only cared about Eddie. Eddie made you feel alive, wanted, and protected. You wanted him to feel the same. All thoughts are thrown out the window. You don’t worry about getting caught; you don’t worry about life after camp; your entire being is absorbed by thoughts of Eddie.

“I want you in my mouth.” You moan as Eddie kisses you deeply. You’ve made it to the barn and pulled him into a dark corner. 

“You wanna get on your knees for me, Princess?”

“Mmmmmmm,” you drop down, quickly taking off the tiny green gym shorts of the camp uniform. 

You could smell Eddie when you pulled down his shorts; the pheromones made your head spin. Sure, it was hot and sticky, but you needed Eddie's sweaty balls in your face. The stench of the barn didn’t even phase you as your mouth watered for him.

“Sucha’ good girl, f’me,” He praised as you took his hard cock in your mouth. Slowly, you swirl your tongue around the deep pink head before taking more of him in your mouth. 

You pine for his affection, his touch, but mostly his words. 

You and Eddie discovered you were both pretty nasty when it came to fucking one another. Eddie loved that you could keep up with him and his dirty fantasies. 

“You always wanna be a good girl for me, don’t ya, princess.” 

“Yes, Daddy.” You say before going back onto his throbbing cock.

Eddie’s head falls back as your lips latch back onto his leaking cock.

“Fuck that’s good” Eddie slowly thrusts his hips into your mouth so his cock hits the back of your throat. “You’re perfect, Y/N.” 

Hearing him say your name makes you pine even more; the butterflies it gives you only makes you want to be all that much better for him, to him. 

“Thank you, Daddy,” You hum, pulling away to work his cock with your hand. 

Eddie can’t hold off any longer. You didn’t have much time, and someone might walk in any second. 

Without warning, Eddie quickly stands you up and walks you over to the back wall. You let out a small whimper because you aren’t done yet.

“You were being such a good girl, don’t make me punish you.” He growls low in your ear. “You want your little cunt fucked, or not? Want daddy to make you feel good?”

You nod your head silently. 

“I know, baby girl, you just need your little pussy to be played with, huh. Is that it?” He caressed your cheek before manhandling you onto the hay bail in the corner of the barn. 

You squeak when Eddie flips you and covers your mouth with his large hand to keep you quiet. 

“Shhh, we can’t have anyone walking in now, can we?: 

You silently shake your head no, and Eddie's hand falls from your mouth to grip the fat of your ass. 

“I want to do bad things to you,” He growls. 

“So do them” You push your ass into him.

“I’ve been waiting for this all day,” He tugs on your cotton shorts. 

“You’re not wearing any underwear?” 

“Better for you, no?” You smirk.

A low curse leaves Eddie's throat before his hands dip lower.

“You always get this wet from sucking my cock?”Eddie glides his hands along your wet folds. “Yes, Daddy,” you gasp as his fingers make contact. 

A loud screech is heard in the distance, probably a camper playing tag, but you and Eddie freeze. You both are brought back to reality; you don’t have any more time to waste. 

“I want your cock inside me, please” You reach as you look back over your shoulder to kiss him. 

“We might get caught.” 

“Good, then everyone will know I’m yours,” you smirk.

“You freaky little minx” Eddie slides his cock between your soaked folds before slowly pushing his way inside. Inch by inch, he stretches you out. 

Even though you’ve been fucking like rabbits, your body still needs time to adjust to its size. 

“You okay, baby?” 

You bite back hiss; it burns so good. 

“Yeah, just give me a minute. 

“Don’t think we have a minute, Princess.”  

“What? You going to blow your load already” You giggle, only making your already tight puss get tighter around eddies cock. 

“No, we are running out of time; Birdie and Rooster will kill us if we don’t hurry.” 

“Fine, then fuck me like you mean it.” 

The brush of Eddie’s thick cock on your inner walls was something you would never get used to. He would make you forget about everything and everyone that wasn’t solely him. Not your life outside the camp, not the pressures you felt of being perfect, not the way you are made out to be the Princess of Hawkins and certainly not the weight you felt in your chest when you think of life with Eddie after summer is over. 

All those hours you spent dreaming about being with Eddie, you never thought it would come to fruition, so you never thought about the consequences if it did happen. Now that you’ve claimed you both have claimed each other as their own, you’re struggling with what to do once you return to the real world. 

Would your parents accept him? No. You knew for a fact that they worked hard to get you where you are today, and they would never understand how loving Eddie makes any sense.

But none of that mattered right now; none of that even crossed your mind because Eddie had a way of making you feel like you were floating on a cloud of euphoria. 

“You still with me, Princess?” 

“Mmmhhmm,” you bite down to keep from moaning. 

“You know I love those sounds you make, baby, but we gotta stay quiet. 

“I’m so close, baby, please.” 

Eddie came to know your body almost as well as you did. He knew you needed extra attention to help you get over the edge, so he reached down to work your clit with his rough, calloused fingertips.

“Shit, baby, you’re so close. I can feel your pretty little pussy squeezing my cock so good.” 

“Please,” You beg as you grab Eddie’s wrist to brace yourself for your orgasm. 

“Come for Daddy.” His breath brushes past your ear, and you melt under his grasp. Your body quivers as your pussy clenches, and your brain spits out endorphins through your body. 

Eddie’s not far behind; the grip in which you clamped down on him was so delicious he couldn’t help it. Without thinking, he came inside of you, making sure all of it was pushed up far inside. 

“Did you just?” You ask breathlessly. 

“Fucking take it” He thrust every last bit of his seed into your pussy. 

“Eddie,” You whined. 

“What baby girl?” 

“I—I’m going to be all messy; I don’t even have panties…” you can already feel it dripping out of you. 

“Good. I want you to be thinking about me for the rest of the day.” 

You want to wipe that cocky smirk off his face. You would have to walk around with a puddle at the bottom of your shorts… 

“There you guys are!” It’s been like thirty minutes, so let's go!” Robin scolded, and you hiked up your shorts around your ankles. 

You hear a “gross” as she walks away, and you and Eddie can't help but laugh. 

“I’m so done covering for you guys; this is getting way out of hand.” Robin said as Eddie rejoined his campers and Ashton by the creek.

“Birdie, I’m sorry, we got carried away.”

“You always get carried away.” She rolls her eyes. 

She was right. Your relationship with Eddie was distracting you from your responsibilities.

“I’m sorry, I promise. We won’t sneak off again. I owe you so many times. Whatever you need, I got it.” 

Her facial expressions soften. “Fine. Only if you really do promise me?” 

“Cross my heart.” 

“What about lover boy?” 

“I also promise he won’t do anything to misbehave.” You smirk “during camp hours.” 

“You think we have time to stop by the cabin quickly before dinner?” You mumble. 

“Yeah why?” She glanced at her watch 

“Uh… I need to change my shorts. 

“Ugh gross, ”

—

As the weeks passed, your and Eddie’s relationship became more serious. He would like to take you on dates after hours. Even if nothing was around, he thought of ways to get creative. Much of it involved stealing from the kitchen and borrowing the projector from the supply cabinet for movie nights, but none of that mattered to you. What mattered was that he put in an effort you could only dream about. 

Last night, you snuck off to his van. There was a mattress, blankets, and some pillows. Eddie insisted you sleep together all night and set an extra early alarm so no one would notice you’re not in the cabin. 

It was risky, but you caved. How could you say no when he whispered sweet nothings into your ear while also telling you what exactly he would do to you in the privacy of his van? Eddie had a way of getting you to do anything, not that you minded. The last thing you wanted was to get into trouble, but you wanted to sleep next to him. To feel his body next to yours, to hold you. 

As you awaken from a deep slumber, you feel surprisingly well-rested. You slowly open your eyes and squint as the sun's bright light peeks through the van's windows, illuminating the small space. You realize that you're tangled in the sheets with Eddie, and a wave of happiness washes over you. As you take in the sight of him sound asleep beside you, you can't help but smile.

However, your joy is quickly interrupted by the nagging thought of the alarm that was supposed to go off. You push it to the back of your mind and take a moment to appreciate this peaceful, intimate moment with Eddie. You know that time is running out, and you must make the most of the time you have left together before it inevitably comes to an end.

You've realized that this time together is incredibly precious and fleeting. The pressures of reality are beginning to weigh heavily on you, and you understand that things won't always be this easy once you return home. With only two weeks of summer left, it's important to treasure every moment together.

You hear your name being yelled out in the distance, and you panic.  snap up quickly, reaching for Eddie's writs to see it is already 9:45 am. You’re supposed to be on the clock. 

“Get up, oh my god.” You find your shirt and pants while Eddie stirs.

“Baby, get up! We are late!” You shake him some more, and Eddie snaps awake. 

“What?? what?!”

"It’s almost ten we slept in!” You yell, throwing his shirt at him. 

“Bambi?!” You hear your name yelled along with Eddies. 

“Fuck” you’re freaking out as you scrambled out of the van, Eddie following close behind you. 

When you stepped out, Billy was there. 

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” He smirks.

“Billy, please, don’t say anything.” You beg.

You knew Billy had not gotten over things. He would still comment when Eddie wasn’t around; he tried more than once to get you to come with him instead of Eddie. 

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s already camp hours; everyone has been looking for the two of you, and it seems you’ve been fornicating on Camp Murdock’s dime.” 

“Billy.” You warn. 

“What’s happening?” Eddie joins you once he is fully dressed. 

“You tell me? You and you’re little whore here—“

Billy didn’t get to finish before Eddie charged at him. He tackled him to the ground. You scream for him to stop, and you beg as you watch the two men roll around in the dirt, watching their fists make contact with one another’s faces. 

Your screams must have been heard because Robin and Steve came rushing over, along with a few others, including Carol.

“Please stop! Eddie, baby, please, he isn’t worth it!” You cry. 

You watch Steve and Ashton pull the two men apart, holding them back. 

“What on earth is going on here!” Carol yells once the commotion stops. 

“I don’t know, boss? You tell me,” Billy smirks. “Found these two playing hooky, and the next thing I know, I’m the one getting sucker punched.” 

“You little—“ 

“Stop,” Carol cuts off Eddie before he can continue. “Is that true?” Carol turns to you with a look of disappointment in her eye.

“Not—No, not exactly… our alarm didn’t go off, and we accidentally slept in…” You look down ashamed. 

“Our?” She raises a brow to you. 

“Uh— mine and Eddie’s…”

“How exactly did that happen?

“We didn’t sleep in our cabins,” you mumble, embarrassed that you were dumb enough to risk this. 

“I’m very disappointed in you Y/N.”

“I’m so sorry; it will never happen again,” You try to speak, holding back your tears.

“You’re right; it won’t happen again because you, gentleman…” you watch as she turns to Eddie and Billy, “Are you going home.” 

“What?!” They say in unison. 

“You can’t seem to be civil; we can make do with only a week and a half left.” 

“But Carol—“

“That’s final!” She turns to you. 

“As for you, young lady, I’ll give you a warning… I like you, Y/N, and seeing as your little boyfriend is leaving, I would like to think the tardiness will correct itself.” 

“Yes, Ma’am.” You bow your head in shame. 

This was not like you; you don’t break the rules, you don’t disappoint people, and you definitely do not get into trouble. 

“I don’t want to waste any more time. Get back to work...and boys, pack your things. I want you out by lunch."

—

You rush over to Robin to return to your campers, whom Nancy and Cassie are looking after. 

“Girl, what happened.” Robin looks at you worried. 

“We slept in; Billy found us in the van and called me… it doesn’t matter— and Eddie attacked him.”  You sniffle. 

Robin hugged you and tried her best to comfort you, but it was useless. Everything was ruined. 

You went through the motions the rest of the morning until lunch. You decided not to eat so you could say goodbye to Eddie. 

Billy had already packed up and left while Eddie brought his stuff to the parking lot. 

“Baby,” you whisper, trying not to startle him as you walk up to him from behind. 

“Hey.” He sounded annoyed. 

“I’m sorry, I tried to tell you we would get in trouble, but I—“

“I get it, it’s my fault, and now I’m being punished. It is what it is.” He flung the duffle into the mattress where he made love to you the night before. 

“Eddie, listen to me,” you beg.

“What?” He snaps at you. 

“Oh my god, this is exactly why we can’t be together when we go home. You’re too unpredictable, and your temper is too hot.” You snap back at him.

"What do you mean we can’t be together when we go home?” His face fell. 

“I—I”

“You were planning on breaking up with me when summer was over?! Was that it? Perfect little Princess can’t be seen with the town freak! God forbid I taint your reputation.”

“Eddie—wait.” 

“So what was your plan exactly? Make me fall for you just so you can rip my heart out? You’re sick, y/n.”

“No— please let me explain!”

“I care for you, don’t you get that!

“And I don’t!? God, Eddie, I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen.”

"If you told me that yesterday, I would have believed you… but now…. I feel like I don't even know who you are." 

"Believe me, please.” You beg, “I love you."

“Then act like it!”

“I can’t, don’t you get it? I can’t be me at home. Have you ever seen me like this in Hawkins?” You pause for his response, but he stays quiet. 

“Exactly, no. and there is a reason for that!”

“This isn’t high school anymore; the world is much bigger than Hawkins. You can be whoever you want. You don't have to please mommy and daddy anymore.” 

“I can’t”

“Why? Give me one good reason.”

“I—I—just…I can’t.” You really couldn’t. Eddie was right, but you were so scared. You were a coward. 

“Fine, I’ll save you the trouble. We are done. That’s what you wanted. You’ll return to your perfect life and move on without me.” 

“Eddie, please,” You cried. Tears were blurring your vision as you watched him get into the van. 

None of this was supposed to happen this summer. You were supposed to be with Ashley, getting over Eddie Munson and not falling more and more deeply in love with him, only to break your own heart. 

You made a terrible mistake.

“Where are you going?”

“Home. I have a long trip ahead of me.” he slams the door shut. 

“Baby, please,” you grabbed his door handle to open it, but it was already locked. 

“Let go.” He tells you when he rolls down the window. 

“Can’t we talk about this? Please, you need to understand,” You begged. 

“No, I understand it perfectly, baby; you don’t want me.” 

“Baby, please, I am so sorry. I love you. I didn't mean it!” You cry. 

You cry and cry, and Eddie can no longer watch. He is hurt, he is broken, and he can’t watch you sob any longer, so he puts the car in drive. He didn’t believe you when those three words fell from your lips.

You froze as Eddie drove off without so much as a goodbye. This was not how you wanted things to end. You didn’t want things to end. Eddie was the best thing to happen to you. You needed him in your life. You could not go through life without him now that you’ve had a little slice of heaven with him this summer.  You fucked up; you fucked up badly and needed to fix things. 

tags: @winchester-angel @josephquinnsfreckles @lemme-slytherin-that-dick @emma-munson @littlexdeaths @siriuslysmoking @peachysink @nailbatanddungeon @leelei1980 @daisy-munson @taintedcigs @take-everything-you-can @strangerstilinski @bl0ssomanddie @seb-buckybarnes @chickenandsheep-blog @lokis-army-77 @ali-r3n @erinekc @rowanswriting @snowflowersstars246 @micheledawn1975 @princesatracionera @bells-28 @kellsck @ezzynf @oneforthemunny @brxkenartt @ktiutsa @sofiaadela @guineveresghost @nabiiturner @eddiesguitarskills @comeonatmebruh @sky-full-0f-fl0wers

#eddie munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson series #eddie munson au #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x cheerleader!reader #eddie munson x popular!reader #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson fan fic #eddie munson fan fiction #take me to the lakes

[redditreceipts]

hi, I’m not sure how to word this right…I’m a transmasculine (NOT TRANSMALE) woman, it’s hard to explain exactly what it means but that’s the closest I’ve gotten, gnc works too I guess though doesn’t fully articulate it.

But I’ve identified as a lot of things since a really early age, generally always circling back to a trans man. Im a survivor of sexual abuse/exploitation, and I would always find myself identifying as the “stereotypical feminine woman” when I was in a worse state and wanted to be objectified, then identifying as a trans male when I wanted to be treated like a human. I figured this meant trans-manhood was what was really right for me, that womanhood was something I only went to as self harm, but recently I thought “would I want to be a man if women were treated like people too” and I realized I wouldn’t.

I support transgender and transsexual rights fully, but I really wish that there was more acknowledgment of sexism. Not just misogyny…sexism.

I thought I was above misogyny, but I’m only recently realizing at age 19 that I didn’t view women as human the way I viewed men as human, and I felt this way because of how I’ve been treated as a female all my life. The way people treat you from birth goes beyond anything a male could comprehend, and it’s so engrained that no one even notices it. We’re not allowed to express emotions or opinions because it’s “too much” and we’re “too loud” especially if we’re not white (which I’m not), we have to do so much more work to be considered an equal by men, we’re talked about in society as objects to be obtained rather than living breathing complex humans, we’re not given margin for error like men are, we’re held to higher standards, we’re constantly forced to prove ourselves in every single capacity in a way men never have to, we’re treated as objects and toys and constantly referred to only with degrading misogynist slurs, we’re aborted for our sex and not given the same education as male classmates and shut out of conversations and objectified before we can even walk, When it’s laid out like that, yeah it’s no wonder so many women (myself included) feel like manhood is the key to humanity. Because It is. Because in society there are people and women, and the current queer community is all too comfortable to bulldoze over this oppression and pretend there’s no such thing as sexism because acknowledging that means challenging their “everyone is valid uwu” shit. Im not saying there aren’t just actual trans men, of course there are, but come on.

Hey :) sorry for the late answer, I've been a bit busy so yeah

I think I kinda get what you mean when you say that you are transmasculine, and I personally think that if that's the best word to describe it, you should go for it! Identity is always a personal matter. I would however argue that identity does not override material reality, and in political terms, we are defined by our biological sex, amongst other things :)

And yes, you are so right when you say that there should be more of an acknowledgement of sexism in the trans community! Women are seen as subhuman, and a woman has to do much more than a man to just be considered a person. That is especially true in the intersection with race and sex.

And well, the trans gender community relies on upholding gender. How many transmasculine people do you see being annoyed when they're being called "she", and they say stuff like "You're calling me she? With my short hair? Dressed like this??"

the recognition of a member of one sex as a member of the opposite sex is much, much harder without gender steretoypes. Abolishing gender leaves us with the cold, hard reality of the oppression of the female sex. I feel like gender is all the pretty fluff and mystification of a brutal truth: Women are seen as less than human.

And yes, I also sometimes feel like I have to be super androgynous to be considered human. But I'm not, and trying to change your sex instead of changing the oppressive systems is like trying to be straight instead of challenging homophobia.

Anyways, I'm glad you're here :) Here's a cat with an octopus on it's head for you :)

[my-head-is-an-animal]

The Climb

Summary: You're a scientist, an engineer to be exact. Called to a meeting you had no real right to be at, Optimus Prime takes an exclusive interest in you, but you can't help but ask yourself at every turn, Why?

Rating: 18+ 🌹🩸🍆

Story Masterlist

Chapter 3

The next few days were spent resting and recovering from a hard day. I was a little dehydrated, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be dealt with by the doctors on base. Theo and I spent the time trying to compile a list of suitable candidates that had volunteered for the mission. It was important that we not consider anyone who did not think the climb was possible.

     We spent nearly a week interviewing candidates, testing their endurance and getting to know each and every one of them, but the nagging feeling that none of them truly believed they could do it was starting to make me think that the plan really would fail. Theo was starting to think the same thing, and it looked as if we were running out of hope on all fronts.

     I took a walk out to the training grounds one evening as the sun began to set. I looked up at the climbing wall and thought on how difficult I found it to scale. The person we were looking for would have to be able to climb more than two hundred times that in record pace. Maybe what I was asking really was impossible.

     ‘Ready for another climb, Dr Jane Harding?’ The voice of Optimus Prime boomed from behind where I was standing. How I didn’t notice his menacing shadow, was beyond me.

     ‘Optimus Prime.’ I chuckled, awkwardly, having not seen him since the day I first climbed the wall with Lennox. ‘You can call me Dr Harding, you know, or just Jane is fine… I was just… well, I was just thinking about what I’m asking someone to do.’ I confessed.

     ‘Do you no longer believe it possible?’ He almost seemed disappointed in the question.

     ‘No, I do.’ I nodded. ‘I just… I don’t think anyone else really does.’ I sighed, watching Optimus kneel down to listen to me. ‘Theo and I have interviewed and tested soldiers and athletes, even scientists who were fit enough to complete the tests, their scores were good, and they each showed the potential to make the climb.’

     ‘Yet, you would not ask them to take on this mission?’

     I shook my head. ‘No, I wouldn’t.’

     ‘And why is that?’ He leaned closer. I could see that same complexity that held my attention the very first time I’d seen him. Those blue eyes that, to most, displayed only a mechanical miracle, but to me, contained such brilliant life.

     ‘Because they all say they believe it’s possible, but none of them have the faith that they can do it.’

     ‘Mmm.’ Optimus mused, turning to see the sunlight for a moment before turning back. ‘And what about you?’

     I frowned. ‘What about me?’

     ‘Do you have faith that you could make the climb?’

     I thought for a moment, my first answer was that I wasn’t a soldier, but that wasn’t the question. If I trained for six months to make that climb, if I pushed myself the same way I pushed myself through that training session, to make it to the top of the wall, then there was nothing stopping me from doing anything I wanted.

     ‘Your silence suggests more than you may think.’ Optimus gave the hint of a smile. ‘I cannot ask you to complete this mission, but I know that should you choose to take it on, your world’s chances of survival, would skyrocket.’

     I felt that same pang of nervousness and fear fill my chest. ‘I’ve never done anything like this before.’

     ‘I witnessed your training session with Lennox and his men,’ Optimus argued gently. ‘You could have given up any time, you were given every opportunity to quit, yet, you continued, knowing you might fail, knowing your body would feel the consequences of such a challenge and you went on until the end. You did so in the hopes that if you could see the same internal determination in your volunteers, then they would be a suitable candidate for this mission, but you have drawn the conclusion that none are mentally capable.’

     I felt my jaw clench with doubt. ‘I don’t know if I’m physically capable of this.’

     ‘You told me that this mission would be mind over matter,’ he said, firmly. ‘If you truly believe in your heart that this is possible for one human being to complete, then it is up to you to prove it, Dr Harding.’

     I thought about what he was saying and realised he was right, I couldn’t ask anyone to do this, not unless I was willing to do it myself. Six months suddenly seemed like no time at all, but I had no choice.

     ‘Fate waits for no one.’ Optimus continued. ‘But it rarely calls upon those who are not ready. If you believe you can do this, then you have my faith also, and I would not go into battle with any other. Do you accept the challenge?’

     I swallowed nervously. I had always heard he was a great leader, someone you’d die for on a moment’s notice and now I knew why.

     ‘I accept.’ I said, simply.

     ‘You are a brave soul, one I would gladly give my life for. I will keep the enemy distracted for as long as you need to complete your mission in the knowledge that you will succeed regardless of cost.’ I felt my whole being ignite. ‘It will be an honour to serve with you, Dr Harding.’

     ‘And you, Optimus Prime.’ I nodded, knowing that this would be one of the hardest things I would ever do with my life, but someone had to do it.

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#optimus prime x reader #optimus prime x ofc #transformers #optimus prime fic #optimus prime

[power-chords]

[...] But something else caught my attention in your letter, and it’s something I’ve been eager to have a discussion about: trauma.

I’m not trying to scold you or to diminish anyone’s struggles. We all have struggles, and they are not to be dismissed. But I think “trauma” has become a linguistic workhorse that’s pulling way more weight than any one word should, and the way it gets deployed to explain away conduct is a phenomenon worth unpacking.

[...] It feels like there is a lot of emphasis, in general, placed on the part where we identify our trauma, and awareness has become the primary goal. Indeed, trauma is often conflated with identity, becoming another avenue for self-expression, like astrology or sexuality. It’s a way to communicate to others: This is who I am, and this is why.

The why of it all is why (ha), I think, trauma has become such a popular identity marker for many. Individual human behavior is complex, motivated by any number of factors. We contradict ourselves. We are inconsistent. We do things that sabotage our own happiness. We harm ourselves, and we harm others. This is confusing, and like anything that causes confusion, it makes people anxious. So we seek easy answers and justification.

“Trauma” does it all. It links behavior to innate identity, flashes a sympathetic backstory that explains and justifies an individual’s actions. Maybe I’m a cynic, but it seems to me that we are in an era of justification, where people aren’t so much interested in changing anything about themselves, but in explaining themselves. I’ve come to think of this as “validity culture,” which is chiefly interested in affirming that the things you were going to do anyway are fine, or even good.

The language of therapy and self-improvement is an appealing device on this front, because it makes it sound like something healthy and productive is happening. I think, for example, of the way people will file selfish or antisocial behavior under the label of “self-care.” But all this behavior, self-destructive behavior, self-centered behavior, would occur with or without the cosmetic language of awareness. Touting awareness of your actions does not alter their impact. It just paints them as beyond your control. “This is just who I am.”

Personally, I do not identify with my trauma. My trauma is something I struggle with every day, something I want to challenge and overcome. My trauma informs my behavior in ways I hope to disrupt, because that behavior is often a detriment to myself and to others. The existence of my trauma does not erase or excuse the harm I do to others. Most people hurt others because they themselves are hurt. This is neither new nor unique, and it does not become more interesting or complex because we can identify trauma as the root of the issue.

[13thdoctorposts]

Sacha Dhawan Panel Part 1

Please note this IS NOT word for word, but so you can get a general gist of the panel.

Whovians of all ages got to ask him questions.

This post is just Sachs’s part of the panel there is a seperate post for Michelle’s panel and Michelle and Sacha’s panel.

How do you over come embarrassment?

Being part of Doctor Who, I do think I struggled with quiet a bit of anxiety and I kept it quite private, but weirdly doing Doctor Who allowed me over come it a little bit probably because of the nature of the character where he’s gotta do these confident crazy things so you throw yourself in the deep end. But it immediately felt, being a part of Doctor Who it’s such a welcoming community, not just you guys but also the people who make it. I felt they allowed me to over come my anxiety a little bit. It’s not that it will ever go away but I was just encouraged to be bold and fearless and yes I was doing it in my performance but it made me realise with my anxiety in real life those who are suffering from anxiety lose confidence in themselves so I guess playing the Master allowed me to find my confidence again and not really care to much about being embarrassed and embrace it and from that magic can happen.

So you just met the greatest Master of all time, she just left the stage

Sacha: Oh wow, 😂

What was it like following her?… I mean you are like the second greatest.

Sacha: before Doctor who, yeah I was an actor but I felt like the average guy on the street, when you get the call saying not only are you coming into Doctor Who but your coming into play this iconic character, it’s absolutely terrifying and initially your like how am I going to do that, where do I start? And then people are telling you oh do you know who played him before, people like Michelle, Derek Jacobi, Eric Roberts, John Simm and then I’m like… me? This dude? (Points to himself) so it’s really nerve racking so I started watching little bits and then I though ok I’m not going to be as imaginative if I just think about all of that, I have to approach it like I would any role and over the last couple of years I’ve tried to be just be bold and make crazy choices and sometimes it doesn’t work and that’s cool cos something even better happens. So once I let go of the prestige of the role it really freed me up and I had a lot of support from the creators to put my own stamp on it which they kindly asked me to do it. And it’s only now having done it and stepped off the Whoniverse that you can really take it in sometimes, I’m like how did I do all that, you know from getting the costume to being in the TARDIS, to working with Jodie, having some of those intense scenes. I look back and I think was that me that did that, so yeah it feels great to be able to be a part of it and sitting with you guys.

What was it like going from something like Doctor Who into something like Wolf?

Sacha: It was actually the producer of Doctor Who who was working on it. It’s great I always like to keep challenging myself and playing different people, that’s what I really get excited about a project where I go, that person is completely different to me, I have a moment of panic and wonder how am I gonna play it, I love the idea of just chipping away at it and the ahhhh… that, that’s who that person is. Whether it be a psychopath or a police officer, I think the more complex they are or the more challenging they are going into it the more exciting I find it. Even with the Master I always try to find some truth in it. With the Master I was really interested in the relationship with the Doctor I think that was the real kind of hook point for me.

Moderator: You master was the first time where I actually thought the Doctor might not get out of it, even with Simms you know the Doctor would figured it out but I honestly didn’t see how it was going to happen. That was the terrifying part of your portrayal

Sacha: I was chatting to Chris about it, I felt what I liked about playing the Master, well my version, he was already in such a dark place he had nothing left to lose so it was like to die for the cause and bring down the Doctor with him then it was a win for him so that made him utterly terrifying.

Do you think you can take me on? (Kid is dressed as Darth Vader)

I think you could take me on actually, I’m a bit scared of you.

Does the 4 heartbeat tap on the microphone

Sacha: oh yeah the tap

Moderator: now your scaring me

Sacha: I’m not sure if I want to take you on or to be your best friend

Does the 4 heartbeat tap on the microphone

Moderator: I think that’s psychological warfare

You’ve played a lot of different characters which did you enjoy playing the most and why?

Sacha: I’d probably say the Master actually, it’s the only character I’ve played that has such an emotional range, and then he also appears in so many different time periods, there was so much range to play and also the character has so much fun doing it so yeah playing the Master. Even going back to do the Centenary Special I couldn’t wait to get back into it again.

Did you come up with the choreography for Rasputin on the spot and by yourself? And did you enjoy it?

Sacha: I did yeah, I didn’t plan anything I was gonna do I just couldn’t wait, it was such a big scene. Such an emotionally charged scene. Between me and you I was in London and I was listening to that song constantly just kind of like jamming out, feeling it on the tube so when they played the music, what’s amazing when we came to do the scene filming in the amazing studio and they blasted it through huge speakers so you couldn’t help but just go for it and you know, listen, you put me in front of an audience and I’m going to throw some serious shapes, I loved it and I’m really glad people responded to it as well.

Sacha who do you like better Daemon (the moderator) or Michelle?

Moderator: easy answer

Sacha: You know what, we did the zoo interview, it was lovely doing that interview because we were in lockdown and everything. I can say this now I was a little bit intimidated meeting Michelle, it’s the first time we’ve meet and even though I’ve played the Master, I’m just like the average guy now and I think my god she played Missy! So I think I adore you both. But coming away this, being in NZ I’ve come away with a little soft spot for Michelle I think she’s so sweet.

Given that you’ve been able to travel around the world and meet a bunch of different people have there been any colloquialism that you grew up with that you’re surprised aren’t else where and are there any in NZ that you don’t know or understand?

I think it’s amazing that I’m literally on the other side of the world and I think you guys really get British culture don’t you? It feels oddly like I’m home from home.

Moderator: we’re still part of the commonwealth remember…

Sacha: oh yeah… I don’t know are there some colloquialism that I should know?

Moderator: um…. yeh, nar… sweet as…

Sacha: what other colloquialism are there let’s hear them

Moderator: Yeh, Nar… which is yes, no but then there Nar, Yeh, or we might go Yeh, Nar, Yeh.

Questioner: it means whatever the last word is

Moderator: Sweet as

Sacha: Sweet ass 🤨

Moderator: no not sweet ass, sweet as, like in sweet as sweet thing

Sacha: oh sweet as, I get that

Moderator: chur bro

Sacha: Cheers?

Moderator: no Chur, it’s like a cheers, or a sweet as. Now the word mate

Sacha: I say mate a lot

Moderator: mattttte, Nar mate, now what else have we got?… it’s gone to custard. A nik minute.

Sacha: nik minute? 🤨

Moderator: there was their guy who was a bit of a skateboarder and he said “I took my scooter to the Dairy and went inside nik minute someone stole it” and it became this meme, and now it’s a thing.

What do you think are the motivations for your Master?

Sacha: in terms of the story?

Yeah

Sacha: For me it was the timeless child and all of that and realising the Doctor wasn’t really one of us, and was regarded as so special when it felt like it should have been me. So that, the origins of all of that was really the main motivation. And like I was saying earlier I’d already lost so much I really got nothing else to lose so why not go out with a bang. So I think one of the motivations was to create chaos and even though it seems kind of messy, underneath it all it was extremely organised and it felt like the Master, even though he presents himself as chaotic there’s a lot of… he’s incredibly intelligent underneath all that, so there’s so many different things and the relationship with the Doctor was a huge part of it for me, you may have noticed it was very playful, chaotic, but for me it was very emotionally charged as well, so those things together were a really interesting concoction.

Moderator: here’s a question for the audience, doesn’t the timeless child mean that prior to the timeless child’s existence the gallifreyans couldn’t regenerate? Doesn’t that mean technically the Doctor created your ability to regenerate? How did that happen? Were you subjected to a bunch of experiments and injected with DNA?

Sacha: so partly yes, that’s the thing, they are strangely connected in a way, the thing that really frustrated me (as in the Master) was like the part of her in me, in terms of our story anyway so I was really frustrated.

With your master I got a a vibe of split personality, mentally unstable did you approach the role with a mental health spin to it?

Sacha: I think the character is certainly complex so I wasn’t afraid of leaning into that to be honest, I think I found it really trusting and made him very bold, imaginative, intelligent I couldn’t label him as one specific thing but I utilised a range of different things and just made sure not to be afraid of going there and I did want people to feel slightly intimidated by him.

You came across as really unhinged but when you’re watching it, it’s almost like you kinda feel for the guy but at the same time he’s destroying the universe.

Sacha: yeah, that’s the thing I wanted that and by the end of it you kind of realise he’s just a damaged young boy really

He just needs a hug

Sacha: yeah, lol, that’s really the stem of it I think, he’s totally unloved and incredibly lonely I think, his purpose is to constantly chase the Doctor and once the Doctor was out of the picture and he was the Doctor it didn’t really give him the happiness that he thought it was going to be because he had nothing to chase anymore.

Iron fist is the first time I remember seeing you on screen how did you get the role and how did it feel to became part of the marvel universe?

Sacha: yeah it was amazing, when you audition for Marvel you don’t it’s Marvel because they are really secretive they give you dummy sides, the script is made up, so it’s only until you get later down the process you get “it’s the new marvel show” and I did this thing where they said to me how is your martial arts, and I said it’s amazing and I had never ever even done any martial arts in my life and the most embarrassing thing happened I was in New York and my screen-test, my final audition for iron fist and it went ok and then they said oh before you leave our big stunt coordinator wants to see your martial arts and I thought oh my god, and asked them to give me 5 minutes so I could go get my trainers and I was thinking what do I do. And guys if you could have seen me in that test, when you’re under that much pressure because you want the part, you should have seen the kicks, (demonstrates on stage… they are terrible, lol) and I could see the stunt coordinator was like this guy can’t even throw a kick, but I was filming Sherlock at the same time with Benedict Cumberbatch and we had a fight scene and I had footage on my phone so I showed him that, and asked him to just give me the chance, I’ll learn, and luckily he gave me the chance and I learnt, I spent about a year or so learning. It was amazing.

Did you get really recognised after that?

Sacha: yeah I did a little bit, it’s such a big franchise, it was the first step into me being able to play characters I never thought I would be able to play, I always thought I’m always going to be limited by how I look, we don’t really get to play those kinds of interesting parts, I think the world is shifting slightly so to be able to play a marvel villain or the Master in Doctor Who it’s pretty iconic. And it’s only when I get to chat to your guys I think oh wow, and I feel so incredibly honoured to be a part of two amazing universes.

Who’s your favourite Doctor?

Sacha: My favourite Doctor? I really like Matt Smith. I think he’s great.

Audience: what about Jodie?

Sacha: Jodie is amazing. But if I had to work with another Doctor I’d say Matt Smith I think he’s again, he’s so playful and so sharp I’d love to be able to do scenes with him he’s such a good actor and a really nice guy.

If you had your own TARDIS and the chameleon broke what would you like your TARDIS to be stuck as?

Sacha: I don’t know, I’d have to think on what that would be… I don’t think a police box can be topped honestly.

Moderator: I’d go with a kombi

Sacha: or a mini like Mr Bean drives

Do you have any funny behind the scenes stories?

Sacha: they told me everything was really secretive (on Doctor Who) and I didn’t tell anybody anything and I was also filming a show called Dracula at the same time and I went to dinner with Steven Moffatt and in my head I just presumed he would be working on the show and I must admit my knowledge of Doctor Who was a little lacking and so somethings I didn’t realise the importance of, so we’re having dinner and he said “oh you’re filming Doctor Who” and I was like “yeah yeah yeah, I’m doing Doctor Who they’ve given me this like tissue compressor eliminator thing, you know” and I could see in his face he was like oh my god he’s playing the Master, and I didn’t realise, then I got a call from the BBC saying “could you not be telling people” “I was like yeah but it Steven and they were like yeah but he doesn’t work on the show anymore” So yeah I gave it away some.

Moderator: so you’re the Tom Holland of the Doctor Who universe.

Sacha: yeah, lol

I love The Great, we’re a little behind here in New Zealand, but I thought Rasputin was even funnier because of the link to The Great. Was there actually a link did they do it deliberately?

Sacha: no, there wasn’t, I remember reading it and thinking god there’s such a connection, but no, I think Chris always felt Rasputin would be.. is the perfect kind of Master, the perfect kind of person for me to be disguised as, he’s quite evil, quite manipulative, so yeah it was pure coincidence.

Do you have any any weird or funny fan interaction?

Sacha: they have all been pretty good, I think I had in a picture line up someone said can I pick you up, is it alright if I carry you and I was like “yessss please”. The fan interactions, were the one thing people spoke about but didn’t quite prepare me for is just the community and the fan base is so amazing on Doctor Who and it’s like on Twitter if anyone says a bad word, I don’t have to do anything because I’ve got my own security! Everyone’s great, I’ve had great fan interaction.

That’s it for part 1 of Sacha’s Panel, part 2 will be up soon, and I promise Part 2 will be worth the wait.

Also if you ever defended our little Spy Master on Twitter he’s seen you and appreciates you!

If you wanna know what went down in the other panels they are linked below

Michelle

Michelle and Sacha

VIP Panel

#sacha dhawan #dhawan!master #spymaster #spy master #13th doctor #thirteenth doctor #thirteen #13 #dw

[caitibugzz]

How did you know you were on the asexual spectrum?

it’s still a mystery to me as i am still figuring out myself, but something that really struck me was that i never had desires for anything really?

just the way my friends who were in relationships talked, tv shows, i never desired anything like that. when i looked at anyone, i never felt a sexual attraction really, and it’s something i believe i could live a fulfilling life even without it. i rarely even thought about it in all honesty. realizing that, and realizing that not everyone felt the same way, made me start to research a little.

i also began to realize i have very little romantic interest in general, only ever had 2 real crushes. but i have always longed for romantic connection (a hopeless romantic who struggles with romantic interest. imagine that.)

i took so many quizzes, i remember all the way back in 2020, and read up on asexuality, demisexuality, i even figured i was lithromantic at a point. it was all (and still is) very overwhelming for me.

i struggled so hard to label myself because i felt doing that was the only way for me to finally know myself and be understood. i felt i needed to have a label to be valid, to fit in the community because i realized i wasn’t the standard, i didn’t have the default settings everyone else did (i honestly believe nobody does, but that’s a rant for another time..)

from personal experience, i find it much more relaxing being unlabeled, because trying to label such complex feelings that go on in my mind would be impossible. so i do consider myself unlabeled, if my feelings were to change in the future i like not being tied to a label. that being said, i am open to broader terms, such as spectrums! hence why i mentioned being on the ace spectrum, and why i’m willing to talk on it! plus i believe talking about things i have considered myself, or describing my feelings that may relate to a certain label (like asexuality) can help people who do prefer labels.

anyway…..

because of my struggle, i find myself living vicariously through fiction and media when it comes to things like dating.. (loser)

it makes it really hard growing up like this, even trying to figure out what part of the spectrum you are on, trying to figure out myself. i never allowed myself to get comfortable enough to someone in order to even start exploring. this day and age trying to date while considering being on the ace spec has been a challenge for me, and i’m sure many can relate. dating is black and white in most of the populations mind, and there are certain things to expect when dating, and differing from that standard is insanely hard. and anxiety inducing.

it’s very apparent that most people do have desires i don’t and if i were to pursue someone i like, they expect me to have them as well (because that’s what people who date do, isn’t it?)

in the past this has been a fear of mine because i have been accused of “leading people on” because of the way i am, so i shy away from dating in general nowadays, and that is why my sexuality (figure out if i’m really asexual or even just other sexualities) is still a mystery to myself as i am too scared of doing the wrong thing and hurting people. i hope one day i can build up the courage and start the journey to finding myself! whether that means lgbtq+ or not!

and i hope everyone, ace spec or not, has the chance to do the same. don’t ever be afraid of doing the wrong thing because finding happiness is never wrong, is it? and know things like sexuality can be fluid, don’t feel bound to labels unless you find comfort in them, and don’t feel scared to change.

love u all

#unlabled sexuality #unlabeled #sexuality #acespec #ace pride #asexual #arospec #aromantic #aroace #lgbtq #finding yourself #sexuality struggles #exploring sexuality #demisexual #lithromantic

[lukethompsonupdates]

He is best known for Netflix hit Bridgerton, but Luke Thompson’s theatre pedigree encompasses Shakespeare, Greek tragedy and Ivo van Hove’s marathon A Little Life. He talks to Fergus Morgan about his passion for the stage and his worries for its future

Luke Thompson might have shot to stardom thanks to his role as Benedict in Netflix’s smash-hit series Bridgerton, but the 35-year-old actor is most at home on stage.

“I spectate on myself,” Thompson says. “I always have done. It’s been a bit painful in my life. And the only place on earth it doesn’t happen is on stage when someone else is spectating instead and so I don’t have to worry. You’re watching me so I don’t have to watch myself. I feel free. Those are the best moments of my life.”

Fortunately, Thompson has not been short of stage work. Born in Southampton in 1988, he grew up just outside Paris, returning to the UK to study English and drama at the University of Bristol, before training at RADA. He landed his first job almost immediately after graduating in 2013: playing Lysander in Dominic Dromgoole’s staging of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at Shakespeare’s Globe in London.

Since then, alongside screen roles in BBC One’s In the Club and Bridgerton, Thompson has starred in Julius Caesar at the Globe, Oresteia and Hamlet – opposite Andrew Scott – at London’s Almeida, and King Lear and A Little Life in the West End. Both he and co-star James Norton were nominated for Olivier awards for their performances in Ivo van Hove’s acclaimed adaptation of Hanya Yanagihara’s hard-hitting novel.

“A Little Life was such an intense experience,” Thompson says. “Intense in a good way, I mean. The material was very bleak, but acting is always pleasurable because you are indulging in a fantasy, even if it’s a dark one, and that is inherently fun.”

Thompson also thinks that theatre has lost some of its belief in itself. “Theatre is supposed to be provocative. I’m not on social media, but I think it can be very aggressive and vicious, and I think theatres cave to that a bit. Deep down, theatre is the opposite of social media. It is about people being in a room, exchanging opinions and emotions. I worry that social media is spoiling that a bit, which is a shame.”

What production made you fall in love with theatre?

I remember standing in the Yard at Shakespeare’s Globe in 2009 and watching Thea Sharrock’s production of As You Like It, and thinking: ‘Oh, wow, this is really funny and it actually works. When done simply and confidently, Shakespeare still speaks to us today.’ For my first job to be at the Globe a few years later was magical.

What are you finding inspiring at the moment?

I love watching Ivo [van Hove]’s company do stuff. There is something so wild about the acting in his shows. We get very bogged down with facts in this country, but Ivo understands the dream logic of plays. Some of the most moving things I’ve seen don’t completely make sense. I find that inspiring.

What do you wish you could change about the performing arts industry?

I wish theatre had more confidence. Right now, it feels unsure about how useful it is and about how taboo, complex and provocative it should be. I feel as though theatre has lost confidence in its societal function.

What is the worst thing that has happened to you on stage?

There was a scene in A Little Life in which James ran around naked for a bit, then I would bring him clothes. During one show, I couldn’t find his underpants, so I just brought him his trousers and he put them on. But I forgot that people pulled his trousers off again later and they were expecting him to be wearing underpants. James knew it was coming and I knew it was coming and we couldn’t look at each other for the rest of the play. I hope he doesn’t mind me telling that story. It was so funny.

What is the best thing that has happened to you on stage?

There are so many. That sounds naff but I don’t care. I love the challenge of going on stage night after night and trying to make something feel alive in front of an audience.

What role do you really want to play?

I would work with Ivo again at the drop of a hat. And there are loads and loads of roles I would love to play. I did a reading of a rewriting of The Seagull the other day. The role of Konstantin is really beautiful. I’d love to play that. I’d love to play Iago one day, too. Of course, I’d love to play Hamlet but it’s boring to say that.

What projects are you involved in at the moment?

I’m playing Berowne in Emily Burns’ production of Love’s Labour’s Lost with the Royal Shakespeare Company. She has set it on a Polynesian island owned by these big tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk, of which I am one. It’s a really smart concept that unlocks a lot of very interesting stuff in the play. Season three of Bridgerton is coming out in May and June, too. And we will be filming season four soon after that. There’s a lot still to come.

Source: The Stage

#luke thompson #interview

[middlenamesage]

A dilemma that probably anyone who’s ever read peoples’ charts is familiar with:

Seeing the issues, and even having insightful information of how to try working with them or how to embrace gifts, is not the same thing as having the magic influence that person needs to swipe a wand and solve those issues, in arenas that are transforming for them over a lifetime. And it can actually be arrogant to think just because we can point out where we see the issues and articulate how the person might be happier to conduct themselves differently, that they are at a current stage where they are even capable of making those changes. Most people with most of their challenges probably already were very aware they had that challenge, before an astrologer brought it to their attention. So to assume we can help heal a person simply by pointing out the problems, and even also by pointing out what a person should/could do differently (something else that person quite likely could already know) is a little bit asinine.

I think I’m learning that generally the most helpful approach in astrology is to not try to help “fix” someone or heal them, but to recognize and let them know that they are walking a complex evolutionary path with the Universe, as we all are. If people are merely open to continual change and growth, the issues shown in the natal chart tend to naturally find healing on their own divine timelines.

Rest assured if there’s something in your natal chart that’s really haunting you, the Universe will make sure you get many assistances from the transits throughout your life to begin to work those things out.

As someone reading charts (although teaching is my true love!) I feel the most helpful “advice” (more like influence) I can try to impress on anyone is to have self compassion. It’s not easy for any of us walking this human journey. And without any self compassion and forgiveness, you could be blocking gifts from the Universe in the form of transits to help you grow or heal.

On that note, I think gratitude for the Universe is another worthwhile thing to try to impress on others.

Personally, my spiritual healing journey kicked off when I found self compassion and gratitude for the Universe while looking at the astrology. I don’t use astrology to try to manipulate my life around it or “fix” myself. (Ok the second I have made attempts with😂) I use astrology to know that I am one with the Universe and to cultivate my more nuanced understandings of situations and people, with an underlying sentiment of gratitude and faith.

There really is divine order in the Universe. I used to assume the world was merely chaos. Astrology completely busted open and tore down that worldview. 💫💖

#astrology #astrologer #astrology blog #astrology tumblr #astrology community #chart reading #the universe #zodiac #learn astrology

[christabelq]

'SOULSTAR' BOOK REVIEW...

I haven’t done a review for a while, but I felt I should for this book, as I didn't like it and wanted to explore why. The book’s about a necromantic witch called Robin, who is fighting to make the country of Aeland a better place. At first she tries to do this by working with the new king, who appears to be quite progressive, but as time goes on, it becomes clear he’s not the person she thought he was and she needs to take a different route. She takes over as the head of the Free Democracy party when the previous leader Jacob is assassinated and ends up bringing about a revolution. The blurb for the book describes it as A WHIRLWIND OF MAGIC, POLITICS, ROMANCE, AND INTRIGUE, which sounded right up my street, but it totally didn't live up to my expectations and here are some of the reasons…

One of the villains (a terminally ill old man) is tried near the end and sentenced to hang. I find the idea of capital punishment deeply troubling, so this was never going to sit well with me. I think it’s inhumane, and when mistakes happen (which they totally do), there’s nothing you can do about it. The trial also left a bad taste in my mouth. It’s what I believe is commonly referred to as a kangaroo court, when the accused isn’t given a chance to defend himself and the verdict’s pretty much decided before anyone says a word. To make matters worse, Robin traps the man’s soul in a tree for a thousand years after he’s been hanged. This isn’t part of the court’s decision and there’s no consultation. She just does it. For me this little display suggests that power has totally gone to her head and Aeland has simply traded one arrogant despot for another, which I’m sure wasn’t what the author had in mind.

The pacing feels off. Parts of the book seemed rushed (e.g. the revolution and a lot of the magic stuff), while other parts felt bloated and unnecessarily drawn out. The author seemed unable to tell what to focus on to best serve the story, and if there was any editorial guidance, it must have been pretty poor judging by how it turned out.

Complex issues are dealt with in what for me seems like a totally simplistic way. The revolutionaries are holier than thou and the people they’re fighting against are like pantomime villains, when in the real world, almost everyone is somewhere in the middle. You only really hear one viewpoint about stuff and the whole mess gets cleared up in a ridiculously short amount of time.

The character of Zelind. Zelind is non-binary, which on the face of it sounds great, but the sense I got was that khe was a token character. I had no clue about kher appearance or what kher life as non-binary was like (e.g. the specific challenges khe faced). I noticed that the author used the wrong pronouns for kher a few times (usually SHE/HER, but also at least one THEY), which made me wonder if KHE was once a SHE and the non-binary element was added quite late in the writing process to be on trend or something. It certainly doesn’t add to the plot in any way. If it wasn't a late change, then it's another example of sloppy editing. You expect that kind of slip in self-published books, but not when they're from a big company like Tor and not when its something people might be sensitive about. I also wondered how everyone the character meets seems to immediately know which pronouns to use for kher. I don’t have any direct experience of this myself, but I’m guessing it doesn’t always work that way for real non-binary people, so it doesn’t ring true. Another thing that didn’t seem realistic was the way the character rustled up a machine to generate electricity at the drop of a hat, when others have been trying for years and utterly failing. It’s not properly explained how khe is able to do it and it all happens off camera so to speak, so you don’t get to see what it actually involves. This character could have been so much more and for me was a big disappointment.

The plot feels contrived. I knew all along where the book was headed, so getting through it felt like a chore. There were also quite a few times when seemingly hopeless situations were quickly resolved by unlikely events, e.g. Robin happening to know there would be a hidden door which would allow her and Grace to escape from a burning room, or footsteps lying undisturbed on a snowy rooftop for days, so Robin can solve the mystery of Jacob’s assassination (luckily there hasn’t been any snow in the meantime and it hasn't melted either). Magic also felt a bit convenient at times and the rules around it seemed to shift to fit the plot.

So those are my biggest gripes. I won’t tell anyone they shouldn’t read the book, because I’ve seen a lot of glowing reviews and I’m sure a lot of people will 💜 it, but for me it just didn’t work. I haven’t read the other books in the Kingston cycle and I won’t be doing now. This one was more than enough. 2/5

#follow for follow #follow back #like for like #christabelq #christabel simpson #soulstar #soul star #kingston cycle #lgbtq books #queer author #c.l. polk #good idea badly written #revolution is super easy #tor need new editors #book review #book recommendations

[neverluckygoldfish]

47 -

Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of peace within myself. It’s really nice but I can’t help but wonder when it will go away and I’ll be back to the me as I’ve always known myself: melancholy, aloof, insecure, anxious…

But what if it stays?

Been trying this new thing where I trust my intuition (my greater She) in how I behave, the decisions I make, the things I say. I’m starting to trust in myself to choose the right thing over what’s easy or simply status quo.

I have faith that if one door closes, a window will open. Because it always does.

While I don’t have it all figured out yet, not even close, I’m trying to relish each present moment - the joy of figuring it out.

Happiness is a choice, it’s a mentality.

Not to downplay my own struggles or past regrets/mistakes - but I have a lot to be proud of. I’m not perfect by any means but that is okay too. Because I continue to try, be open minded, stay unassuming, learn and challenge myself. I don’t give up on myself.

Even if I think I am, I’m not. Because I’m still here and I’m still taking on the next day.

Does this mean I’m a good person? Or does this mean I am just human, with all the complexities.

A big thing I noticed is that black or white thinking. I’ve had a hard time forgiving myself for anything really….because it didn’t jive with me “being a good person” or “being worthy”. I couldn’t be one without the other.

But then I’d forgive others in a heartbeat. Second chances? More like 3, 4, to infinity. Because I believe in the power of people changing. I’ve been trying to view myself as how I’d view someone else. I’m much kinder to others than I am to me.

Like I have it all ass backwards haha.

Now I realize that I have to cheer myself on. No one else will do it for me. And if I don’t, I’ll never get anywhere because I’ll always be too scared.

So if anyone is reading this, do what you need to let it all go. The expectations of what “should be”or how you “should be”. Scream in the car, delete that person from your friend list, go on a road trip by yourself, write affirmations on sticky notes and post them everywhere, cry your heart out, listen to your favorite song on repeat, throw yourself into your favorite hobby or start a new one, write all your worries on a piece of paper and burn it, break some shit then break some more shit, journal all your feelings on a random tumblr blog (haha), do something that scares you, make conversation with a stranger….I don’t know - just do something! Anything.

If it doesn’t work, do it again. And again. And again. Until it does.

Don’t worry if you look stupid or silly or uncool doing it. Do it for you. Forgive yourself for it all. You were and still are doing the best you could.

And don’t laugh at me when I say that because I used to make fun of all the people on social media who would say “X and X” solved all my problems and now I’m just this happy little leprechaun finding rainbows and gold everywhere. It’s not that simple but it also is.

Way easier said than done am I right *rolls eyes*

Know that you don’t have to have all the answers and you sure as hell don’t need to be perfect.

You are the one who writes your story so you get to decide who the main character is. Who you are. Who do you want to be?

As I’ve been healing, slowly but surely, people have fallen off. It really sucks to lose people. But the right ones have stayed & our relationships are so much sweeter and truer.

As I’ve accepted what I can do and what I can’t do, it’s been so freeing to feel like I’m not disappointing the world.

One day it will work. And then life will feel like magic.

Because lately, the thought that crosses my mind is: this is what it was meant to feel like all along.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #spiritual growth #love letter: my true feelings #love letter to myself #i am worthy of love #love your life #love yourself #love your body #inner peace #higher self #authentic self #authenticity #attitude of gratitude

[s-uccubus-mommy]

What is a boy to do when he has chronic depression and is going through one such episode, yet can only 'work on himself' so much alone? For there is nothing more healing than love, and when I had someone close to me, I was able to make great progress that has regressed significantly as I am alone once more. I ask for little besides a warm embrace, yet reaching that point with someone new requires overcoming several gates where my attractiveness is judged - gates which the symptoms of depression add additional locks to. It adds a lot of 'negative rizz', so to speak. And thusly, I tend not to bother women, even if I know in my heart I could learn how to make her happy if only she could believe I was worth investing attention into.

There are a... lot of unkind words said about sub boys who 'expect a partner to fix them', yet these always perplex me. Are we not social creatures who depend on strength from each other? For I truly believe I am missing only this last piece to become something beautiful and worthy. For I have great love in my heart, and just want to be able to go and take her out to get cake or something when she's feeling sad.

I am also curious about the intersection between depression and attractiveness to the opposite sex from a woman's perspective, if you or anyone else reading this has such experience.

-👑

I feel for you. And I’ve felt just like you before. I brought it up to a therapist actually- are attachment issues and codependency really that bad? There is a book called Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson that made me question this. The author seemed to encourage you and your partner to accept these things about yourself more than I had heard anyone do before. And my therapist agreed. Of course there’s a limit to everything, but really, almost all of us struggle with attachment issues. Not to mention things like depression and anxiety. And I’m not the person to tell anyone “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. Because so many of us struggle with this shit and it can be years and years before major progress is made. I don’t think having mental health struggles should stop you from finding a partner.

The key here, I think, is to work on yourself at the same time. You need to try to be the best partner you can be, and that means working with mental health professionals and doing the work they ask you to do. That also means being an equal partner, even if you’re a sub.

Codependency can also stunt your personal growth though. In the past few years I’ve challenged myself to be less codependent on romantic partners, and I do encourage everyone to try to do the same. One big part of this was working on developing more friendships. So I suggest doing that. You can also dive deeper into your personal interests and goals and try to focus on doing things that make you happy on your own.

As far as how depression is seen from a woman’s perspective… well everyone is different. Since I struggle with depression myself I don’t mind at all if a partner does too. But I wouldn’t want it to be so crippling for them that I would end up having to take care of them all the time, ya know? I wouldn’t expect my partner to do that for me either. And if it really is that bad that you feel a need for someone else to take care of you, than there are things you need to work on personally with professionals. Like I wouldn’t judge a partner for that, but I would ask them to seek help separately from me.

Sorry I wrote a novel but it’s an interesting topic! Something that I think is much more complex and nuanced than most people think. I hope there’s something in there you found helpful.

#mommy k!nk #bd/sm mommy #domme mommy #gentle fdom #bd/sm advice #relationship advice

[honesttoblogjuno]

Hope your doing well Juno!! As someone who loves your writing process, what is your process for writing Enid? And how has that changed since concentrate and ask again to TSN (Greek tragedy being in the middle) ❤️

Hello anon!! 🫶 thank you for your question!! I’ll answer under the cut!

And p.s. for anyone reading, I unfortunately am going through some tough personal circumstances at the moment and so the upcoming chapter is delayed for a little while until I’m emotionally competent enough to write intimate moments without having a tiny mental breakdown! I appreciate all of your patience! I have fallen victim to the ao3 author curse of everything going wrong in my life at once 😌

I think that, for me, the best writing is the type that can draw from real life to bring some of those everyday spices to the flavour of the description! So, when I write, I try to write what I know, even in circumstances that are purely fictional.

In that way, I find I think more like Wednesday and my natural speech is more like Enid’s! So, I have a lot of fun writing her dialogue, because it feels more true to my actual use of language. When I’m writing her, I try to imagine what the lines sound like spoken out loud, and if they sound natural to what a teenage girl/bubbly adult woman would say, including filler and natural pauses. For her thought process and memories, I try to remember key moments that show her emotional range from the canon material so she doesn’t get flattened into a golden retriever character.

She’s had a tough life being what the Wednesday universe would call a medically complicated child, being the only daughter and youngest child, and having parents with high expectations for her. And, being a werewolf adds a social challenge to her childhood in a world full of non-outcasts as well. I try to keep those things in mind and ask myself WWED, and I usually come to the conclusion that she would try to spin the best out of what she has but know where to draw the line! She’s a much more complex character than I think fanon syndrome has eroded her into, so I like to add even more dimension where I can.

Overall, to keep the characterisations consistent, I try to find evidence in the canon material for every move I make. If there isn’t a direct parallel, I try to find evidence that can reasonably support an extrapolation. For example, we’ve seen Enid emotionally react with a pretty broad range of things. We’ve seen face-in-the-pillow exaggerated crying, humiliation-turned-anger violent outbursts, quiet disappointment, sting covered by deliberate optimism, justified last-straw frustration, and even vulnerable understated crying. I try to remember what age I’m writing her at for any given story and use those types of supporting evidence to age her up or down based on what I know about the process of emotional maturing!

Another key piece is pop culture and social media references. The fanfiction paradox is that every story for a contemporary setting has to take place in the present day because, even in TSN where they are like 12 years in the future from the canon, I can only make her modern by referencing what is current now. Even with that plot hole aside, it’s fun finding little ways to slip colloquialisms and references into her thoughts and dialogue!

When I wrote CAAG, I didn’t pay much attention to being super true to their characters. I wrote the story on a total whim over a couple of days mostly just for fun, so I wasn’t dedicated to making sure it was a truthful portrayal of them. I just used my gut instinct to write what I thought they might do and say.

But, for TSN, I dedicated a lot more time to really thinking through how they’d act in different circumstances outside the canon, and then how they’d act if they were adult women with years of emotional development under their belts. Where Wednesday might have made a sharp but terrifically mean comment or sabotaged something when the cover was leaked in the canon, maybe she would have gained the ability to just walk away. And, just maybe, she would have learned to attend to Enid’s feelings during that whole process too. That sort of thing!

For Greek Tragedy, I’m doing that same sort of thought process, but scaling them back down again. I’m most intimately familiar with a version of them that I invented for their aged-up story, so I’m trying to find a realistic middle ground! Having a beta reader has also been really helpful because if I’m not sure I’ve nailed it, I have a second opinion to weigh in!

I hope this answered your question, and thanks so much for sending it!!

#asks #ask

[thecasualauthor]

Jilytober 2023 Bittersweet challenge Part TWO!

My second prompt for the @jilytoberfest bittersweet challenge! My prompt was fluffy, and therefore I got to turn it into something depressing! I'm also counting this as a @jilymicrofics because it's fairly short.

Prompt:

"How about a kiss?"

Read on AO3 or under the cut!

“How about a kiss?” 

Lily freezes in her tracks, her Hogwarts robes swishing ahead of her on the stone floor of the corridor. James Potter's words positively drip with sarcasm and coldness, a tone that hasn’t been directed at her in years. And then her heartbeat quickens, because how does he even remember? 

An image flashes before her eyes then, one of James in the hospital wing, lying on a bed, half delirious, covered in blood. 

“Why did you take that curse for me?” she’d asked, gripping his hand tightly. 

“You know why.” And then he turned to face her, eyes half-closed , meaning to say something else, but Lily had cut him off. 

“I– you nearly died,” she had said. “ How can I ever–” she’d broken off then, unable to continue, and James had squeezed her hand weakly. 

“Maybe you’ll just owe me a favor,” He’d said, and then an idea had rushed to the forefront of Lily’s mind so quickly she didn’t have time to force it back down. 

“How about a kiss?” 

She hadn’t known, and still doesn’t know, where the words had come from. It was like they had just fallen out of her lips of their own accord. She’d wondered then, and does wonder now, why on earth she had said such a thing in a moment like that, with James recovering from a spell Madam Pomfrey barely knew how to cure. 

She’s been kicking herself every day since. 

“If that’s your best offer,” James had said then, trying for a joke. “Can I call in that favor right now?” 

So she kissed him. 

But that was a mistake. It had been a spur of the moment decision, made in an emotionally charged situation when she’d let said emotions take over. That can’t happen. They can’t happen. She knows that. She can’t put him in any more danger than he’s already in. He’d nearly died because of her, and she won’t let that happen again, even if it hurts her in the process. 

“You really must be out of your mind.” Lily’s words are sharp, cutting, and she whirls to face James Potter. His arms are folded, and his gaze is as sharp as her words. 

“What? Doesn’t that sentence sound familiar?” 

“I already said no,” Lily says through gritted teeth. “I don’t care what you– I’ve never–” Heat rises in her cheeks, and James takes a step closer to her. 

“Really, so you’re just going to pretend it didn’t happen?” Lily lifts her chin.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Cut it, Evans,” James says sharply. “You know very well what I’m talking about.”

Lily’s frustration twists and burns and builds inside of her, and it’s all she can do to keep herself from yelling at him. 

“It doesn’t matter though, does it?” she snaps. “Because that can’t happen. We both know it.”

“No,” James says, taking another few strides toward her. “It absolutely can, you just have some sort of complex that’s keeping you from accepting it.” Lily’s face heats up.

“How dare– you can’t just– I’m trying to protect you, James!” she says furiously. “Don’t you get it? You almost died because of me!”

“I can take care of myself, Lily,” James replies. “You aren’t protecting me by shutting me out. I’m going to fight in this war, whether I’m with you or not.” 

“I can’t let you get hurt again,” she says, forcing the words out.

“This is war, Lily,” James says flatly. “People get hurt. People die. It doesn’t matter if–” 

“But it matters to me,” Lily says, raising her voice. “It matters to me if it’s my fault. If you were with me, and they came after you because of it, then I’d never forgive myself.”

“Why can’t you see,” James says, jaw clenched, “That I’m in this fight whether I’m with you or not.” 

Lily’s anger surges, and she takes several steps towards him. 

“Don’t you get it?” she hisses. “I can’t be the reason you die, James!” 

There's silence after that. A silence so thick and heavy that it’s almost suffocating. A thousand emotions seem to pass through James’s eyes, and it seems, for a moment, that they’re the only two people in the world. 

“Lily.” James says her name softly, like it’s a prayer, and it very nearly breaks her resolve. She tightens her jaw, still glaring at him. She’s keenly aware of how incredibly close the two of them are. They’re practically nose to nose, breaths mingling, and all Lily has to do to bring her lips to his is stand up onto her tiptoes. 

She doesn’t though. 

Because they can’t. 

Instead, she takes a step back from him, cheeks flushed, and whirls around. 

“I’m going to bed,” she says, stalking away. 

“You can’t pretend forever, Evans.” 

She stops then, and she fights the angry tears that are threatening to spill down her cheeks. James’ voice is still full to the brim with bitterness, but there is a note of sorrow as well, and it takes all her energy to keep her voice steady. 

“Maybe not,” she says. “But I can try.” 

James doesn’t call after her. 

#jily angst #jily #james potter #lily evans #jilytoberfest2023 #angst #bittersweet challenge

[andro-dino]

I think this is a good one, if you like to rant a little, what are the (in your opinion) the 5 mfb characters that get misunderstood/mischaracterized the most, by the fandom?

oh my! surprise 5 things? in my inbox? more likely than you’d think

also this is such a good one I have so much to say on this

5. Kira’s frequent mistreatment makes me sad because he’s a very interesting and complex character with SO much to explore in regards to his upbringing and trauma and how that affects his character in the present and going forward, but a lot of people tend to portray him as a very one note crAaAaAzy villain and sexualize him to some of the worst degrees just because of his character design. It’s really unfortunate because there’s so much to love about him but it is a minefield trying to find anything for him

4. I’m not gonna blame people for misunderstanding and mistreating the garcias bc the show doesn’t even respect them but I’m still gonna be upset about it. I could go on and on about why the garcias were so poorly handled but like, when you think about their characters a little harder, you can really easily understand them from a more sympathetic view and how not only their environment but the way they were treated and used by the adults around them shaped how they behave throughout the series and like. Again, not blaming anyone for disliking them or seeing them solely as static villains bc they are not well written at all but I do wish people would give them a little more nuance, yk? I’ve taken the liberty of taking sole custody over them bc I could treat them so much better than the show, so I might be on of the only people who really sees this perspective just bc of how much I’ve diluted myself with my own noncanon analysis but yk.

3. I’m gonna go ahead and lump kyomado together because while I do think people don’t treat them with the nuance they deserve on their own, it is 10x worse when it comes to people shipping them specifically. And that makes me especially mad because kyomado was one of my first ships in any fandom and I still really like them together, but Jesus Christ people take them in the worst direction possible. It’s always so stereotypical with Kyoya being the cool hot closed off and aggressive one and Madoka being sweet and kind and submissive to him and it’s like. No!!! NO‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥 They’re characters are so interesting together in my eyes because they’re relationship is built on mutual respect and ability to stand up to each other. Yes Madoka can be sweet and caring to him, but she is in no way submissive and is readily able to challenge him and call out his bullshit. Yes Kyoya can be cold and aggressive but he is not some abusive shitty YA male lead, he’s an angsty teen who genuinely recognizes Madoka’s abilities and respects her. I think you could make a similar argument for how people treat him with Hikaru as well but I personally find it far worse with Madoka, which makes me so sad bc I love this ship but hate a lot of the shippers and content for it :(

2. Gingka i dont think is as prevalent today, but I have seen the horrors and my god are they rough. The woobification of Gingka Hagane is an actual crime and should be treated as such. Im not even that big a Gingka stan or anything but I become fucking enraged whenever I see him portrayed as some soft and submissive uwu boy because there is so much more complexity and depth to his character and yaoifying him does that such a disservice. Idfk what show they were watching because in no universe is Gingka some sweet and innocent soft boy.

1. Damian. DAMIAN 100% IS THE WORST AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD. IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT HIM THAT ATTRACTS FREAKS BUT 99% OF DAMIAN STANS ARE ABSOLUTELY VILEEEEE AND I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS IN SAYING THAT. It genuinely makes me so viscerally upset because I love Damian, he’s one of my favorite characters and I go absolutely rabid every time I think about him but OH MY GOD the way this fandom treats him is so awful. I mean it when I say it disgusts me how much people oversexualize him and mischaracterize him as some dominant and cool sex god or whatever because it is just so far from what he actually is and HES LIKE 13 ALSO????? LIKE YOU CANT EVEN KID YOURSELF INTO THINKING HE MIGHT BE ON THE OLDER END HE IS GENUINELY PINT SIZED AND ACTS LIKE A SPOILED CHILD THAT IS A FUCKING KID. Damian is an incredibly complex and interesting character with so much depth and lore. He is a deeply traumatized child with a godcomplex who screams when he gets dirty or his worldview is challenged, he is not some sexy flirtatious guy who’s got everything together. It’s one thing to focus solely on the power scaling side of him and disregard his character, but it’s a whole nother thing to sexualize him and remove him so far from the context of his story for the sake of whatever these freaks are on about.

#axel’s silly little thoughts #sorry I got heated with that last one but. it’s still a prevalent issue and continues to make me mad every day #also chalk idk if you realized I never reblogged the 5 things post but regardless I enjoyed this #I wanted to tbh but didn’t bc I have a hard time placing things on an ordered hierarchy #but I like ranting and talking about things and this was fun

[charliethomascoxuniverse]

I’m currently rewatching ep 2 S2 of Kin for like the 4th time (so happy we got so much more Mikey goodness this episode!), and I think this little exchange between Michael and Jimmy is my favourite of the episode.😂

Jimmy: I’m telling you, Michael, wait until you f*cking see this! Coming in?

Mikey: Do I have to?

Jimmy: Yes! You’re my brother. I value your opinion on these things. 

Mikey: F*ck’s sake. 

Jimmy: Yeeeaaaaaah, that’s the attitude! 

The sheer exasperated sibling quality of this scene cracks me up - Michael being a grump and Jimmy compensating with mockingly extra enthusiasm. 😂

And then once they get inside, what are they there for? A baby Burmese python! Naturally, Jimmy’s just dragged him along to torment him with snakes again. lol

(Is this the face of a man who has any opinions to offer on the matter of snakes? Except that maybe buying one that’s going to grow to be 20ft long and keeping it as a pet is not a great idea.)

The Jimmy & Mikey scenes are always among my favourites (both for the brotherly affection and the greater complexities of their relationship), so I hope we get more of them this season. 

I do find myself worrying about the rift their father’s return from prison is likely is cause though. Michael obviously already has Bren’s number when it comes to what the man’s capable of and immediately took the initiative to try and make sure the rest of the family is united against him. 

Despite Michael’s trepidation over Bren’s return, he also seems to be the only one who’s not afraid openly go toe-to-toe with him. Other than Amanda (and maybe surreptitiously Frank), he seems to be largely standing alone thus far.

Jimmy’s obviously aware of what Bren’s like, but perhaps not to the same extent. Plus, his relationship with Bren - despite it’s tensions - doesn’t seem quite as adversarial as Bren’s with Michael. And I can’t help but notice that whenever Bren’s going off about something, Jimmy is always the one most conspicuously closed-mouthed. 

The juxtaposition of the scenes in episodes 1&2 where Jimmy and Michael separately accompany Amanda to the Turkish money transfer store just speaks volumes about the difference in their characters. 

When Jimmy’s told only one person can go in the back, he just accepts it and remains behind (despite looking uncomfortable about it) while Amanda conducts the rest of their business. Whereas Michael, in same scenario, just silently stares the store clerk down as if daring him to stop him from going with Amanda; unsurprisingly the man doesn’t challenge him. One brother is an insecurely submissive follower, and the other is a self-assured Mr F*ck-Around-and-Find-Out. xd

But it’s Jimmy’s insecurities that ultimately weaken him, and thus make him so malleable to Bren’s manipulations. Manipulations that can only serve to drive a wedge between he and Amanda - who will then just be driven even more firmly to Michael’s side, resulting in further conflict between he and his brother. 

All of which is great for Bren, because in playing Jimmy off against Michael he not only gains himself an extra lackey (who Mikey will be unwilling to take out), he also checks him as a support to Michael and Amanda. 

At least until Bren crosses the line and Jimmy finally wakes up and realizes he needs to find his courage and stand up to the man. And that he needs to stand with Michael to bring him down. ~

(*screeches* In case it’s not obvious, I really NEED the rest of those episodes!! I am in torment okay- Netflix bingeing has ruined me! 😭😬)

And speaking of Mikey and Jimmy, here’s some interesting things Charlie had to say about their relationship and his role as Michael:

“It really helped explain Michael (the brotherly dynamic). How Jimmy handles being around Michael, how he’s protective and also kind of feels threatened by him, was so revealing to me. I think that their history with their father is very, very complicated. I think that Michael has done stuff that is almost unforgivable in the past towards his brother, but at the same time, weirdly, he kind of - I think Jimmy knows Michael took the brunt of the father’s abuse. And in a way Jimmy can’t ever, you know, can never not try to be protective of his brother.

There was a version of a lot of the Jimmy and Michael scenes where we could have played them with much more tension. And much more kind of chest-puffing, like try to be the top dog, and neither one of us felt like that was right. We didn’t discuss it necessarily, but I think that we both felt that like ‘these two have been through so much’. That really they just love each other, and they want to support each other. What that means sometimes - and this is true of a lot of siblings, a lot of families in general - it means you have to find a way to forgive things that once seemed unforgiveable.”

~

“One of the things I liked about Michael, I’m fascinated by what he doesn’t say as much as what he does say, you know? And in a family where everyone’s got opinions and everyone’s giving their input, and he just kind of sits back and takes it all in and keeps his opinions to himself most of the time.

I’m not, as a performer, I’m not afraid of that. I’m not sitting there counting my lines in a script wanting more. (laughs) You know, I quite enjoy that. I did a similar thing with Boardwalk Empire - you know, the character in that doesn’t say a huge amount but he’s very influential.”

~ Charlie Cox

(That said, I’m thrilled to see Mikey stepping up so much more this season!!! 🔥❤️🔥)

#less than a day to go until the next episode 😮💨 #*vibrates with impatience* #it's almost 6 am and I've been awake all night...I've no faith the coherency of anything I've just been rambling about btw #*sits here talking to myself about Kin* LOL #michael kinsella #jimmy kinsella #bren kinsella #charlie cox #emmett j scanlan #kin amc #kin amc spoilers #my random ramblings #Mikey & Jimmy #quotes #interview

[theambitiouswoman]

Title: Need Relationship Advice - Long-Distance Relationship Dilemma

Hey

I’m a 24-year-old female in a long-distance relationship with my 24-year-old boyfriend. We’ve been together for four years, but lately, I find myself facing some uncertainties and concerns about our future.

The issue is that every time I bring up the topic of marriage, he seems unsure and tells me he’s not sure about what to do. While he claims that we would be the best couple if we got married, he also mentions feeling less free and uncertain about marriage in general.

Our relationship has been a rollercoaster due to the long-distance and his busy work schedule. He has been diagnosed with perfectionist syndrome, which further adds to the complexity of the situation.

I’ve tried to communicate openly with him about my feelings and needs, but the responses remain unchanged. I feel that he loves me, but I also struggle with the lack of investment and time in our relationship.

I’m at a crossroads and unsure about what to do next. Should I keep trying to work things out, or is it time to consider moving on? Have any of you faced similar situations, and what advice would you give me in navigating this challenging phase?

Any insights or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Thank you for trusting me with advice on something so important to you.

I totally understand how difficult this feels. Long distance relationships can be tough on their own, and it's natural to have concerns about your future together. The fact that your boyfriend is unsure about marriage is something you need to think about carefully.

It's great that you've been open about your feelings with him. It's important to be on the same page about your future.

I can't speak for your boyfriend, or pretend to know what is in your mind. From an outsiders perspective, I ask myself if you are ready for marriage? Or if you are struggling with the long distance and therefor placing much more urgency on your future together. I also wonder reading your message, if maybe he does not feel like he is ready for marriage. I know you guys have been together a long time, but you are also young and being where we want to be in life is an important base for this decision, especially for men.

Ultimately, this is an important decision and you need to think about what you want for your life and your relationship. If marriage is important to you, and you feel like you are ready now, and know he does not want to. Then you need to decide if you want to continue to invest in the relationship or not.

Personally, I don't think you should compromise on what you want, but also don't wait around for him to change his mind. You shouldn't have to beg or pressure someone into marriage.

At the same time, given that your boyfriend has been diagnosed with perfectionist syndrome and has a busy work schedule, it's possible that these factors could be affecting his ability to make decisions and invest time in your relationship. Perfectionism can create a fear of making the wrong choice, leading to hesitancy and uncertainty. The challenges of long-distance can be very straining on the relationship, making it harder to see eye-to-eye on important matters.

As you mentioned, you feel that he loves you, but you also struggle with the lack of investment and time in the relationship. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and well being in any relationship. If you find that you're consistently feeling unfulfilled and unsure about your future together, it might be worth evaluating whether the relationship is meeting your needs and if it has the potential to grow into the partnership you desire.

It's okay to take your time and reflect on your feelings. The decision of whether to keep working on the relationship or move on should be based on what will bring you the most fulfillment and happiness in the long run.

I really sympathize with you because I know how emotions can cloud our judgment, but have an honest conversation with yourself about how you feel in this relationship. Don't forget to stay true to yourself and don't sacrifice your needs for someone else.

<3