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callsigndragon · 2 years

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Home | Jake "Hangman" Seresin

A/N: Thanks to @bibissparkles for requesting this! Sorry for the delay, I've been bussy lately. I'm not really sure i like the final result but here it is so enjoy it!

A/N 2: Also i'm sorry for all the random things i just throw out there as 'your favorite things' if you don't like those things, just imagine your own answer <3

Warnings: fluff, mentions of alcohol, nothing more i think?

Hangman met Jackpot at the academy. Jackpot (call sign given by the rest because if they wanted an easy win at poker, they just needed to go against you. You really sucked at the game) was a good girl, better pilot and one of those sunshine people you want to surround yourself with. He didn't think it was necessary for him to brag around you. You didn't care who was better. And that was something new in Jake's life.

His family was full of veterans. They were expecting him to be the best everywhere he went. To finally found someone who was willing to ignore his rank, his medals and his skills... It was a relief.

He could be him, for once. And even though that was exciting, to finally be able to express himself and show his true colors was something scary if you have never done it before.

Luckily to Hangman, you were the nicest, kindest, warmest soul to ever cross paths with him. He allowed his heart to do as he pleased. And his heart did the most unthinkable thing: it fell in love you. Jake had never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loved you, but he did. It was a love that kept him awake at nights, that made him search for you whenever he entered a room. It made him learn everything about you: favorite songs and movies, books that you loved, how did you have your coffee in the morning and what were your favorite snacks so he could always have some around in case you got hungry. It made him put you behind his body whenever a creepy guy approached you, even though he knew that you were capable of defending yourself. He just wanted to make sure you were okay. He just wanted to make sure that you were happy.

And because of that, Jake Seresin could never allow himself to confess his feelings. He was scared that you only saw in him a friend. He couldn’t even imagine a world without you in his life. So... he kept his feelings hidden from the world.

For him, you were like some kind of forbidden fruit that he could never get. The hugs became longer. His hands were always attached to some part of your body, normally hips or the small of your back. He would whisper silly things on your ear to make you laugh. At that point, everyone thought you two were dating.

And at some point, you wanted those rumors to be true. When you two became close, you thought he was way out of your league. That man could pull any girl and you knew he wasn’t interested in you. He just wanted a good friend. And that’s what you became for him.

However, the way he treated you, how sweet and caring he was, how he always seemed so interested and whatever you had to say, even though if you were just babbling about the last chapter of your favorite Netflix show... it made you fall for him. But you knew that your feelings were one sided and you had to keep them to yourself.

When the academy program ended, however, each one of you had to return to their own base. That meant that you had to say goodbye to Hangman. It hurt, though, having to leave someone that had become such an important part of your life in so little time. You cried; he laughed a little trying not to cry too and after a long hug that felt like it would be the last, each one walked away.

After that, you two kept in contact through text, calls and face time if you two had the time for it. But sometimes it is complicated to keep a long-distance friendship. You two worked, got deployed, signal was a nightmare and, eventually, you two talked less and less.

Now you texted once a week if you were lucky.

You got an offer to be an instructor at Top Gun. You accepted immediately, and got there in time to learn that some of your old friends were back, and in the middle of a difficult mission in some carrier in the middle of the ocean. You hoped for them to be okay and come back safely.

A few days later, you are at the bar with Penny when you hear the voice that followed you in dreams, the one that you had almost forgotten.

Jake

“Oh, c’mon Rooster, I saved you ass I shouldn’t be paying any drink tonight” you hear him say, walking straight to the pool table.

“You’re not gonna let that go” retorts Rooster with a tired voice.

“Never”

You watch him intently. He hasn’t changed a bit. Well, his smile is less cocky and more genuine. He seems to be doing well with his team, sharing jokes and playing around. You smile. You are so glad that he’s able to be his own persona and not the arrogant douchebag he was all those years ago.

You grab your beer and get close to the team. “Care if an old friend joins in?” you say out loud for all of them to hear.

Phoenix is the first one to realize that you are really here. She hugs you really tight and calls the rest of the team to make some introductions, as you don’t know all of them. Rooster also hugs you, even Coyote. Hangman, however, remains behind the rest, looking quietly at you.

“You know I don’t bite, right?” you joke, looking at him.

“It’s just... weird. You’re here.” he admits, walking closer and stopping right in front of you. You thought he was going to hug you, but he doesn’t.

“You didn’t know she was coming? I thought you were best friends” questions Rooster looking at the both of you.

“Let’s say we really suck at being long-distance friends” says Jake, not once moving his eyes from yours.

“...you’re really thinking that I'm going to disappear”

“At any given moment” he whispers, his voice trembling a little.

“Come here, you big boy” you laugh, hugging him and patting his back. He puts his arms around your waist, bringing you closer. Your heart beats faster, like you were back at the academy again, secretly in love with a cowboy.

“I missed you” he mumbles close to your ear.

“I missed you too”

You spent hours with them talking, bringing up memories from the academy days. Some of them remember how Hangman and you were always together. Joined by the hip. It seemed that you were the only person who didn't had to suffer from Jake's cockiness. Every single story about Hangman they had to share with the new members of the group had you in it. You were always there for him.

“I bet he still remembers a lot of things about Jackpot” says Phoenix while elbowing Hangman.

“Try me” he simply responds.

“Okay. I’ll make the questions” says the brunette, leaving his beer on the pool table. “Favorite ice cream”

“Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough”

“Favorite book”

“Pride and Prejudice”

“Favorite color”

“Blue”

“Favorite song”

“At Last by Etta James”

“Wait, you still remember that?” you ask him, really impressed by all those trivial things he seems to remember about you.

“Honey, I always had that song in my phone so we could listen it together” he says, smiling.

You smile shyly, sipping from your drink. The rest of them keep talking, you and Hangman look at each other, his hand softly caressing your arm until his fingers intertwin with yours. It’s like you are in your own bubble, leaving the world outside and just relishing each other’s presence. You don’t even talk. There’s no need for words, just need for contact. Skin to skin. Knowing that you’re still there.

“Bag man, can you admit that you’re in love with her already so we don’t have to see you two being all lovey-dovey in front of all of us, single people of the world” whines Rooster.

“He’s not in love with me, Rooster. I’m his friend” you explain, letting go of Hangman’s hand.

“Are you sure?” says Hangman, making your heart skip a beat.

“About you not loving me? Well, I think that I would know if you were to have such feelings for me”

"It took me being years separated from you and put randomly in a room with you again to know"

"Know what?"

"You're my home, y/n. You've always been. All the time I spent away from you; something was missing in my life. I forced myself to stop texting you so often. I always asked you the same questions: ‘how are you’, ‘how’s work’, ‘how’s your family’... and I was scared you thought I was annoying when all I wanted was to know how were you.” he confesses, talking fast and with a lot of emotion in his voice.

“Jake...”

“I had to keep you as my friend because I didn’t want to risk everything and lose you if I confessed my feelings and you didn’t feel the same”

“You wouldn’t have lost anything, Jake” you reveal to everyone. “I never said anything because I thought you were out of my league and you would never date someone like me”

“Sweetheart, all I've ever wanted it’s to date someone like you” he smiles coyly.

“Can you just kiss already” says Bob, tired of all your conversation and lack of action.

Jake laughs and shakes his head while reaching for your hand. You grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him down to kiss him. You can feel his smile against your lips.

“I guess he just hit the Jackpot” says Fanboy.

You pull away from Jake to look at him, the rest of the group doing the same. “Way to ruin the moment, Garcia” you say, going to the bar to ask for some new beers for you and your best friend. Well, boyfriend now.

#top gun #top gun maverick fanfic #top gun x reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #hangman seresin #jake hangman x fem!reader #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #hangman fic #jake seresin imagine #jake seresin fluff

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againstacecilia · 1 year

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Hey everyone. Back to explain my hiatus again. I'll put it under the cut with a tw for pet loss.

Anyone who has a pet knows that you end up loving them more than it feels possible to love something. 13 years ago, my grandma's dog had a litter of puppies and we kept one for my sister and another one that just ended up bonding with our family and we couldn't let him go. In 2015, I took that little dude to college after I moved off campus and he's been with me and my husband ever since. His name is Sherman.

About 6 months ago, we had to take him to the emergency vet after he temporarily lost use of his back legs. He was diagnosed with something called intervertebral disc disease, fairly common in older dogs. We started him on a medication and a supplement and it worked really well for a while. Then, mid-January, he had his first seizure. It was horrible and fairly traumatic, but he was seizure-free for 2 months after and we hoped it was a one-off thing. Unfortunately, a couple weeks ago he had another one and then a third before we could get him into his vet. We've had him on anti-seizure medications since then. Earlier this year, he also started showing signs of canine cognitive dysfunction (or doggy dementia) and we started a new medication for that as well. We think the last two seizures pushed the doggy dementia further along than it was and, with the seizures under control, his mental struggles have increased exponentially. He's constantly pacing, whining, and barking, and showing a lot of other signs of just being confused and scared. The anti-seizure medication makes it even harder for him to use his back legs which means he's having problems accomplishing daily tasks. His dementia also culminates in something called sundowner syndrome, which means that his nights and days are getting a little flipped and he's constantly stressed and scared at night.

After an extensive talk with his vet, and a lot of tears and soul searching between my husband and me, we've set an appointment to help him over the rainbow bridge this coming Tuesday.

I'm not sure I've ever known grief this strong. For the last 8 years, he's been my constant companion. Without needing to be trained he also stepped into the role of my emotional support animal. Laying on my chest during panic attacks, waking me up out of nightmares, and being a soothing presence while I worked through whatever traumas I was ready to face, he also kept me company during the summers that my husband was across the country coaching at a summer camp in Maine. I keep trying to rationalize that there are still some bright spots and worrying that we're doing this too early. But I look into his eyes and there's none of the life there that you used to be. He's still existing, yes, he's still eating and drinking and every once in awhile will cuddle with me on the couch after work, but he isn't living. He can't go on walks anymore, we can't take him on trips to his favorite places or to see his favorite people because his body can't handle long stretches in the car.

I'm beyond heartbroken. I haven't known an adult life without this little guy and I'm terrified of the first day I get home from work and the house is silent. I'm dreading the moment he closes his eyes and I know they'll never open again. And I don't think, even in my most hormonal teenage years, that I've cried so much so many days in a row. I know we're doing the best for him. I know this is the biggest act of love we could provide for him and he deserves to not be scared or in pain anymore. I just wish we had a couple more years with him. Even just a couple more days of the happy pup that he used to be. But, young or old, I'll love him forever and I want to make sure that he doesn't suffer any longer than he already has.

I'll be back. I know I've been gone for so long at this point already but I will be back. If you have pets, please hug them so close for me. Please love them with everything you have because whether you have them for a year or 13 years, it's never enough. I'm so lucky to have had this perfect dog and to have been unconditionally loved by something- someone- so loving and pure. If you pray, or believe in some sort of vibes, please send them to me and to Sherman. Please wish him safe journeys over the rainbow bridge.

Love y'all. 💖

#ceci talks #tw pet loss

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #130

Is there a person you talk to everyday? Mom and Girt without fail. I'd say most days some messages go between me, Mazzy, and Tez.

Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent? My mother will take any opportunity to talk shit about my dad, yes, meanwhile Dad NEVER has while I've been with him. As a matter of fact, all my dad ever has to say about her around us kids is that she did a damn good job raising us/is a wonderful mother. I honestly would not be surprised if Mom, meanwhile, would prefer him dead with how she handles the topic of him. I know I don't know everything about why they split, but how she is about Dad nearly a whole decade after they split is kinda ridiculous. It's uncomfortable showing in any way that we care about him in her presence because she VERY obviously hates it.

If you have a webcam, do you take more pictures or make more videos with it? I've never used this webcam and historically have also avoided using them at all costs. I only ever really have for virtual appointments.

Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to? Actually Kelsee today; she's the daughter of my favorite teacher. Basically an impossibly sweet human being.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? Yeah, he's worked at the same place for very nearly a decade.

Do you ever visit people at work? Thus far I've brought lunch to Girt at work once, and I plan to keep doing that occasionally forever. I just don't do it a lot now because his work is rather far and Mom has a super shitty car that doesn't need to drive that far, but also I don't have my own income and am not having Mom pay for it. The one time I did do it was with gifted money.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? I fully intend to invite Mom over for dinner like once a week, and I'd absolutely come back here if she wanted me to for something. It breaks my mom's fucking heart how Ashley and Nicole are, generally acting like she's no longer important, and I'll fucking die before I let her feel like I've left her behind, too. I'd still visit Dad too, probably occasionally invite him over. It's a hard situation to imagine just because I already very rarely see him.

What is one thing you hope never changes about you? How much I care about people.

Who was the last person you were mad at? Me.

Why did you break your last promise? Honestly, I feel like the only real promise I HAVE broken (that I remember, I'm sure it's happened more than just once, realistically) is the one I made with Sara, to keep her straight-up diabolical political stance a secret. I broke it because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis/very literal Hitler fangirls. I never should have kept it secret in the first place.

Has anyone ever told you that you were really pretty? Yeah, somehow.

Do you listen to a wide variety of music? Not really, but I've been more open to pop music in recent times... granted, they're primarily songs I grew up with lmao, but still.

What holiday are you looking forward to next? So I'm not very big on the 4th of July just because I'm not this country's biggest fan, but it's more appealing knowing I'll probably spend it with Girt's family, like last year.

Did you ever go through a phase when you didn’t want to take medicine? My problems have always been just being upset over how many medications I've been prescribed during certain periods. There have been many occasions in the past where I've gotten verbally pissed off and even cried over just how many medications I was waking up to and having to take before bed. 100% convinced my memory and focus problems hold DEEP roots in just being so grossly overmedicated by the time I was just a young teenager, and it remained that way for a very, very long time. Thankfully, I'm more at peace with the number I take now; I'm not happy about it, but it's absolutely nothing like it used to be.

Do you love popsicles? They're fine.

Do you like your smile? No, entirely convinced I look high as shit and I know I have a lazy eye when I do smile.

Was the last book you read good? Yup, it was. Jesus, I need to start reading more again... I've been on the same book for SO fucking long.

Does sunlight make you feel happier? Yes, it absolutely does. This was something I learned around the time I started recovering from the breakup and my worst level of depression: I used to be the person who kept the shades closed, lights off always, and just live in the dark. Then I started keeping my shades open and just in general stay in decently-lit rooms, and it made a pretty profound impact on my happiness, eventually. It's why I'm not even big on rainy days anymore; they used to be my favorite, but nowadays I will absolutely feel a difference if it's gloomy outside.

What helps you fall asleep? Fucking nothing. I finally almost cried last night over just how atrocious my ability to fall asleep has been lately; I'm regularly not falling asleep until early morning hours. I just lay in bed for hours on end tossing and turning and being completely fucking miserable. Thankfully I'm starting a new medication tonight that is meant to help me fall asleep... I just hope it works, because historically, meds meant to assist in good sleep have had zero effect on me. I'm one of those people that isn't even knocked out by Benadryl, and you always hear about how that'll knock you flat on your ass.

Do you have stomach problems? Yes.

Do you enjoy editing photos? Yeah, that's basically mandatory to be a notably successful photographer lol, as much as many people don't like to admit.

What was the last photo filter you used? I think it was this one called "Honey" that's on my phone for a picture I took of Girt's sister's dog Onyx.

Do you live a simple life? I'm sure it looks like it on the very surface to people who don't know me well whatsoever, but you realize pretty fucking quickly it's astronomically far from "simple."

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Rein raus" by Rammstein.

What are three of your favorite toppings for a pizza? Pepperoni, sausage, and jalapeno are all good.

What are three of your favorite ingredients for a salad? Besides the lettuce, I'm assuming? Cucumbers, bacon bits, and uh... that's it lmao I am MEGA basic with salad. WELL I will say I do absolutely love the jalapenos that are in Olive Garden's salads, like that's my favorite part of the whole thing haha, but idk if I'd enjoy them in every salad.

Do you express yourself better out loud or in writing? Oh there is ZERO competition here, my ability to express myself in writing is indisputably WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than my capability to do so verbally. I can barely make a normal sentence when speaking.

Do you sing in the shower? No.

What are three random things you are good at? Writing, taking pictures I'd hope, and understanding animal body language, generally.

What is one thing you’ve been waiting patiently for for quite some time? Finding a job, I guess. Though I've been less patient about it lately. I've been doing daily (and I do mean daily) checks online for around three months now for various job titles I feel I could realistically do, and I'm just not getting lucky at all.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? Uh idk, honestly.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and one of the states Yellowstone is part of; I'd have to research more about each state.

What color is your camera case (if you have one)? It's black.

What are three things you like that start with the same letter as your middle name? MEERKATS (are you even remotely surprised), music, and mountains.

Which do you use more: Facebook or Instagram? Facebook.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Today actually; I did hydrotherapy today at PT because there were no land slots for this week when we were scheduling. Well, I guess I didn't really swim because I couldn't get my tattoo wet (it's a saltwater pool), like both my feet never completely left the bottom, but still.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing; I'm not even really a "hail thyself" person just because I think it puts too much divine worth on just us insignificant humans. We're nothing special in the grand scheme of the universe and I think that mentality feeds the ego too much.

Do you know a Ted? Yeah, that's the name of one of my childhood friend's dad.

Have you ever swam in one of the Great Lakes? No.

What is one thing you wish were more easily accessible? ADEQUATE FUCKING HEALTHCARE.

Have you ever chopped something with an axe? No.

What is one mistake you’ve made that you hope to never repeat? Hand my entire identity and worth over to another person.

What was the last thing that kept you awake? My brain doesn't know how to shut the fuck up whenever I try to sleep; that's the primary problem, and it's been that way since I was a literal child. My brain is just always, ALWAYS going, even when I try to tell myself to just concentrate on sleeping. Then there's also the fact my tattoo is starting to scab, and just because of the location, I can really feel the scabbing pull when I roll around in bed, and that obviously hurts.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night? Roman generally does, and sometimes Cookie decides to sleep in my bed instead of Mom's. Venus' terrarium is also in my bedroom.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up? Only if it's something on the quieter side and monotonous, like a fan. I definitely struggle with like, a TV being on.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make? Mom made popcorn shrimp and white rice tonight.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make? I made eggs once when Sara was here.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) Y'ALL I fucking hate wrestling and find the acting cringy as shit, including whom's I'm about to mention (I know because my niece and nephew like watching????), but Rhea Ripley could RUIN ME and I would thank her

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) I don't think I'll ever be able to explain my level of attraction towards Richard Kruspe even though he could literally be my dad h e l p

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Probably Deadpool.

Favorite DC character? Harley Quinn.

Who has been your favorite actor to play Batman (live-action)? No opinion, I haven't even seen them all.

Who has been your favorite live-action Joker? Heath Ledger was MADE for the role imo, even if it did cause him a lot of harm. I probably also just have a bias because Heath Ledger's Joker was Jason's favorite thing on the face of the planet.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)? [TW: RAPE MENTION] There's only been one that has, and that's only because it fed off my pregnancy phobia: The Rite. Doubt it's spoiler material with just being a big part of the plot and it's an old movie now, but a woman is raped by either a demon or just straight-up the devil and it's EXTREMELY fucking gross, like I could not handle it. I still wouldn't watch it to this day, I'm pretty sure I didn't even finish watching it when Nicole had it on. Like obviously I don't believe in supernatural impregnation but I still couldn't handle it.

What was the last horror movie you saw? Well Girt and I startedThe Black Phone but didn't finish it, I've told this story enough.

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it? Hmmmm... it might have been the OG Paranormal Activity movie. At least, that's the first I remember. I liked it; I tend to like "paranormal evidence" horror films, the ones that seem like they actually happened and can't be explained. I find those much easier to put yourself into/imagine them happening to you.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? I don't care enough about history for this lmao.

What is your favorite historical film and why? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas because it tears my fucking heart ENTIRELY open every time I see it. I'm crying without fail.

Do you usually enjoy historical films? Not usually, or at least they're not the sort of movies that I seek out.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that? Shrek 2 lmao, the first movie is absolutely legendary and I love it but the second is just more fun to me.

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why? Greek. I think it's just because that's what I know most about, though. I will say what I know of Norse is awesome too; it has total potential to be my favorite if I actually knew more about it. All I do know comes from the two most recent God of War games, and while I'm quite sure it is a rather accurate representation of key roles and events, I'm definitely not sure.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting? ... You're making me realize I actually don't remember a lot of Greek mythos lmao, it's been too long since I was in mythology class. With Norse though, I think Jörmungandr as well as Sköll and Hati's lore are very cool.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection? Meerkat stuff is my primary collection; I think the last thing I got relating to meerkats was a shirt. I also collect Silent Hill merch, but I can't recall what the last thing I added on was.

What is your favorite vampire movie? I don't really have one.

Your favorite fictional couple? This is BASICALLY impossible, but I thiiiink I can pick one: Woo Young-Woo and Lee Jung-Ho from Extraordinary Attorney Woo, like that is just a STRAIGHT-UP wholesome, genuine relationship that warms my fucking heart to mush.

Do you have a favorite historical couple? Nope. Again, just don't know enough about history or care enough to dig into their personal lives, especially.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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vexelier-suix-cipher · 3 years

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"Could you do Teruteru, Hifumi, and Ryoma getting drugged by a love potion and falls (even harder) for the reader (who has already fallen for them)?"

100% I can!! :D

Warnings: Mentions of love drug/potion, slight obsession(?), and swearing.

===

Hifumi Yamada

•Proceeds to rant about how amazing Hifumi is

•Fanfic boy loves you very much!! (Though he did his best to hide it)

•It felt like when a cat loved it owner. Celeste went out the window. This man would get on his hands and knees for you. 🙇🏽‍♂️

•You also loved him very much!! (Literally Taka had to keep Mondo from lunging at you two and screaming "JUST DATE ALREADY!!")

•Oh but what's this? A drink on his desk after a hard day of drawing and writing manga?

•Well of course he drank it!! He chugged that drink and felt quite satisfied after.

•And back to work he goes :›

•He had some music on and his script for his next manga, scribbling out the sketches for his newest manga when he felt the sudden urge to go see you.

•It was nothing too new. Could've been he just wanted to show you the script for his manga!! A beta read!

•So Hifumi happily found you and sat you down, showing you the script for his manga!

•He felt a bit- different.

•He felt like he needed to have you in his arms.

•He needed you closer.

•He needed- you.

•The even more clingy behavior continued for a few days.

•Though you didn't mind, you did find it a bit strange.

•Why was he so clingy?

•You already read this script-

•And read that one too-

•Didnt he have things to do?

•He was going to fall behind in his schedule if he continued like this!!

•So when you saw him walking over to you once again, you pulled him to the side and questioned him.

"Hifumi, you've been acting kinda strange these past few days. Are you okay? Don't get me wrong, I love having you by my side but you're going to fall behind in your schedule."

"Well...I don't really know how to explain it. I feel like I've got to be with you all the time!! A-And I'm getting work done!!"

•He huffed and whined for a while longer as you continued asking him things before he got frustrated with himself and finally blurted it out

"Fine!! Fine. I like you, okay? I have for a while a-and I just didn't know how to tell you-...I found this drink on my desk one day and now that I think about it, it could've been one of those love potions that I've been hearing about...could've made my feelings stronger.."

•He started muttering towards the end but you could understand the gist of it.

•You reassured him it was fine and that you accepted his feelings.

•Which was returned with a loud,

"HUH?!? YOU DO?! WHEN- HOW-"

•*Once again has to calm fanfic boy down*

•After calming him down (again) you went over your own feelings.

•He had the brightest smile on his face I swear

•He just couldn't hold back!

•So he picked you up and held you close, hugging you sweetly

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"

===

Teruteru Hanamura

•AGGRESSIVELY RANTS ABOUT HOW AMAZING HE IS

•Love Potion exists?

•He probably bought it.

•This boy is already so head over heels for you it's absolutely adorable.

•He 100% cooks for you.

•Breakfast? In bed.

•Lunch? Made your favorite food.

•Dinner? You can eat with him! :D

•And his food is just 😩 to die for

•He does his best to tone down the sexual comments a bit, though he can't help if one or two slip out!

•Compliments you every 5 minutes no lie.

•Though he does turn cherry red if you compliment him

•If you allow petnames, he WILL call you darlin' and sugar the most.

•Now for the fun part

•He was most likey cooking and was working with the oven.

•Ovens hot. His clothes are pretty hot.

•So he stripped got something to drink out the fridge

•He blindly took a glass out the fridge and drank it.

•Drank the damn love potion-

•He knew he accidentally drank it. He read the label he had put on the glass right after he drank it.

•Unlike Hifumi, he tried staying away from you

•Poor boy doesn't know how to show such strong feelings :(

•He still does cook for you though

•And leaves you little snacks

•Did yelp when you came into the kitchen once without him knowing (it's true I was the dust on the oven window)

•Alot more fiddly and nervous when he has to go ask you something

•His gaze is towards the floor and he's playing with the ends of his scarf as that adorable accent decorates his speech

•Hes so nervous oh poor baby

•You found him scurrying everywhere once trying to find his hat when you had to point out it was on his head-

•He was so embarrassed-

•He apologized and walked back towards the kitchen

•He cooks his feelings away

•That is alot of food-

•Once he disappeared into the kitchen you went after him

•You had been wondering why he ran away from you every time you saw him

•You were worried :(

•As he went back into the kitchen, he paused hearing someone else's footsteps.

•He turned around and jumped slightly when he saw you

•Begin the anxious southern rambling and questions.

"O-Oh! S/o! What brings you to the...the kitchen??"

"Teru, what's going on? You keep ignoring me."

"W-Well I don' mean to cher' I-Its just I' been kinda stressed lately a-an' I don' wanna bother you with tha'-"

•Oh sweet boy almost cried just talking to you

•He wanted to confess so badly!!

•He just wanted to hug you and bury his face into your neck!!

•But he was so scared :(

•After a good talk, the confession just slipped out of him mid-sentence

"I already apologized cher'..."

"C'mon Teru, what's been REALLY happening with you?"

"W-Well...the truth is I accidentally drank a love potion and since I love you so damn much it strengthened my feelings...I-I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable so I stayed away in case I-"

"Did you just say you love me?"

"I-I did..?"

•Oh certainly he did. And when he realized, he apologized 10x more.

•You had to shut him up by squishing his face

•After a good explanation about you loving him too, he clung onto you with a laugh.

•He sat in your lap (and after some consent) kissed your face all over, muttering a soft 'I love you' after each kiss

•You two sat together like that for quite a bit, just laying in each other's presence

"Thank you so much....you don't know how much that means to me...how much YOU mean to me..."

===

Ryoma Hoshi

•Ah yes. Tiny, edgy, ex-tennis, cat loving, deep voiced boy

•Where do I start?

•Lets start with

•He's absolute shit at feelings.

•Like really.

•He refused to believe he fell for you.

•His heart was racing? No it wasn't. It's probably because he was out of breath.

•He's flustered and blushing? Kinda hot in the room y'know.

•You get the point.

•He hates the fact he fell for you. He doesn't know what to do.

•He lost almost everyone he ever loved before. Why would this be any different? He didn't want to put you in danger.

•Ryoma hanged around with you though. He was a bit quiet but he went basically everywhere you went

•No one really messed with you when little man was with you.

•This was okay. He could hide his feelings. You wouldn't be in danger and he wouldn't ruin his relationship with you.

•Then the world announced a love potion was now available!!

•Ah shit.

•That damn Kokichi.

•All he wanted was some water and that little panta-loving gremlin switched it out with the new potion.

•He had already chugged around half the bottle before he realized it wasn't his juice.

•Ryoma would've just left it at 'Oh I just poured the wrong drink in' if it wasn't for Kokichi coming up to him about an hour later.

"Nishishishi....how's the love potion working Ryoma?"

"The what."

"Oops~"

"You little-"

•Kokichi went to the nurse with a bump on his head from Ryoma hitting him with a tennis ball.

•You thought Teruteru hiding away was bad?

•Ryoma refused to leave his dorm.

•He came out at around lunch time to get food, go to the bathroom, and then back to his dorm.

•No one was allowed in.

•He could feel the effects of the potion working.

•He wanted to get out and cling to you so badly. It almost physically hurt

•Fucking hell-

•Him. Ryoma Hoshi. The guy who basically gave up on life, wanted to run into your arms like a little kid.

•He almost cried.

•Of course you were worried!! He locked himself in his dorm without warning!!

•And he refused to talk to you!!

•You came to his dorm door almost daily, trying to pry open the damn door.

•With no avail.

•Goddammit.

•It wasn't until a few weeks later which he made a plan.

•He'd confess and leave right after.

•If you said no, that would be the end of it.

•If you said yes, ...well he didn't really plan that far.

•Ryoma met up with you at the back of the building, looking down at the ground as he heard your footsteps.

•It took a minute of small talk before he started speaking

"Listen, Kokichi switched my drink out a few weeks ago for that new love potion they're selling. I already had really strong feelings for you but with the potion they increased. I know you probably don't feel the same way but I wanted to tell you because it was starting to get too out of hand for me."

•He rambled on a little about how you would never like him and that he apologized for having such feelings and-

•You yanked his beanie down to his face, letting out a small huff.

"Ryoma Hoshi you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to confess. You're an amazing guy Ryoma, and I really do wish you confessed sooner since I feel the same way. Now shut it with all the sad shit and come here."

•You told him, tugging him closer by the sleeve as you engulfed him in your arms

•Ryoma felt like his face was on fire. Butterflies in his stomach and a giddy, tingly feeling throughout his body

•He let out a low chuckle, hugging you back and sighing softly

•This was nice. He felt....loved.

•He liked this feeling quite a bit....he had missed this feeling quite a bit.

"Maybe I should've confessed sooner."

===

AHHHHHHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED IT-

I absolutely adore these three.

If you want me to add or fix anything just say the word!!

I had a great time writing this!!

Thanks for requesting!!!

-Vex ∆

#ryoma hoshi x reader #ryoma hoshi #hifumi yamada #hifumi yamada x reader #teruteru hanamura #teruteru hanamura x reader #danganronpa #dr2 #goodbye despair #danganronpa x reader #thank you for requesting!#-Vex ∆

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julyarchives · 3 years

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Among Flowers || (M)

If you had to pick a favorite place on earth, it would be your boyfriend’s flower shop. A new relationship can come with a few insecurities, but nothing that would be a problem for you and Hyunggu

→ Pairing: Hyunggu (Kino) x Female Reader

→ Genre: Smut and fluff.

→ Words: 1.7K

→ Contains: fresh established relationship; florist!Kino; sentimental smut.

→ A/n: Thank you for the sweet anon who left us this request, soft kino is everything <3 We had a great time writing this story, so we hope you guys like it!

If you had to pick a favorite place on earth, it would be your boyfriend’s flower shop. It was a small business, but for you, it was heaven on earth. Hyunggu always put so much passion into his work, always treated every client with attention and kindness, you could simply watch him work all day long and not get tired. You two have been dating for just a little longer than a couple of months and yet you already loved to visit him at work.

That’s why you were excited when he asked if you could help close up the shop - which was just an excuse to spend time together, and you both knew that very well.

As soon as you stepped in, the flowery smells that invaded your nostrils brought a smile to your face, which mirrored the pink-haired boy’s when he saw you coming in.

“Hey, there, beautiful” He stepped out of the counter and hugged your waist, kissing your cheek.

"Hello" you answered shyly, your hands immediately went to hold yourself against his shoulders, this type of action already very familiar.

What you still didn't get used to is eye contact. Kino looked at you always so dearly, deep into your eyes, and every time it happened butterflies danced around your stomach. He always makes you feel special, just by looking at you the way he does.

Closing up was a quick task, so not 10 minutes later you two were just hanging out around the flowers.

"These daisies are new" you pointed at the vases filled with beautiful white blooming flowers, and you were always curious for him to tell you more about his plants, which he does very passionately every time. "They weren't here last week"

'They are Shasta daisies, they are just in season now, so you'll see them around a lot." He explained

"That's good, they are so pretty" you watched the delicate petals closely, holding yourself back to not touch them.

"You think so?" He asked amusedly "they are my favorites."

You looked at him, who had the sweetest smile on his face.

"You have an amazing taste. You're the best florist I've ever met" you praised him, followed by a peck on his lips.

He stared at you again, putting a strand of hair behind your ears, always so tenderly.

"You're too good for me." He whispered and kissed you again.

You couldn't help but smile, the feeling of being cherished overwhelmed you.

The night was pleasant, Hyunggu ordered food and you two had a nice simple dinner in the back room, the best part was just being able to enjoy each other's company.

"So, I have something to tell you. " he said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"What is it?' You tilted your head in curiosity

"I've had this planned for myself for a long time, but I don't know how you'll feel about it."

You heard him patiently, waiting just to see what was his point, a little bit nervous yourself for not knowing when to expect.

"That's why I called you here, actually, to show it to you in person. I understand if that's not something you approve and it's a deal-breaker, but-"

"Baby" you interrupted "I highly doubt anything about you is a deal-breaker, so just quit making me curious, and please show me" you said jokingly.

"Okay," he chuckled "but please be honest about it, ok?"

You nodded. You watched him carefully pull up the sleeve of his button-up shirt, exposing a few freshly done tattoos, probably done earlier that day, or maybe the day before.

You could see daisies, just like the ones you pointed earlier, and the word "florist".

"Oh my God' your eyes widened, not expecting that at all "they are beautiful!'

Hyunggu exhale loudly

'Thank god, I was so scared you weren't gonna like it"

"Of course I like it, they are so perfect for you!" You giggled, finding his concern rather endearing. "The way you said sounded like you were going to tell me you're a drug dealer or something"

His loud laugh filled the room

"I just love your creativity" he said, embracing you again, his arms strongly wrapped around your waist

"I told you, nothing about you could be a deal-breaker, you're too good." You reassured him, gently cupping his face and caressing his cheek with your thumb

"I'm so lucky that I've found you" he leaned and pressed your foreheads together, just basking in your presence.

You tiptoed, pushing yourself closer to him, and planted a kiss on his lips, to which he hummed in satisfaction. He deepened the kiss with sure in his movements, pulling you closer against him and flushing your chests together.

without breaking the contact, Hyunggu backed you up until you reached the table where he makes the arrangements, where you let him help you sit on, gaining height advantage towards him. Your hands rummaged through his hair while he grabbed your thighs with want.

"Are you sure this is a good place for that?" You broke the kiss, chest already rising up and down fast from the heated action. "Don't wanna break anything in here"

"It's fine, baby" he trailed open mouth kisses down your neck, and you quickly forgot any worry.

Taking the chance, you took off his shirt, and his hands started exploring under yours, breaking the kiss just to take it off of you.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, nibbling your earlobe, "so good to me"

"Hyunggu" his name rolled out of your tongue with a small whimper as his hands squeezed your breasts.

Your hands traveled down his back, cupping his ass, pulling him closer as you rolled your hips against his. Hyunggu skillfully unhooked your bra and was quick to remove it, now catching your nipple in between his lips, swirling his tongue around it.

The touches were now more urgent, both of you not having enough of each other, and you grabbed his semi-hard member under his jeans, palming it gently and teasingly. He hissed against your skin, gripping harder the other breast and showing you he was enjoying it.

You laid your back against the table, and Hyunggu pulled down both your pants and his' after fishing a condom out of his pocket.

"I just hope we don't break your table" you giggled, watching him pump himself before unrolling the rubber down his member

"It wouldn't be the worst" he opened a smirk full of mischief

Hyunggu climbed up the table and positioned himself on top of you, gasping when he finally entered you. He kissed you tenderly, letting you adjust to his size with patience. When you were finally ready you bucked your hips, and the sounds of pleasure that he let out against your lips was the hottest sound you have ever heard.

He finally started moving, bodies flushed together and his forehead rested against yours, and you hooked your legs around his hips, allowing him to go deeper inside you.

Watching him as he supported his body up, looking so sexy, biting his lips and moaning loud enough just for you was a show itself.

You reached your hand to his face, touching his soft cheeks, and he turned it to kiss your palm. He looked at you, the way only he did like he was worshipping you, like there was never going to be someone else he would look the same, and you knew that you could trust the sincerity you saw in it. You were in love with him and that was that.

It was then that Hyunggu angled his hips just right, hitting the perfect spot inside you, and the loud moan that escaped you was your tell. He smirked at the reactions he was getting from you. You touched your clit to help build up your pleasure and by now you were a whimpering mess.

"I'm so close, Hyunggu." You cried, clenching yourself around him

"Let go, baby. Let me see how good you look when I make you cum." His voice came out husky and seductive, pushing your right buttons.

You grabbed his nape, curling your fingers around his hair, and soon you were exploding with jolts of pleasure, noises now uncontrollably leaving you, all you could focus on was him and how good he made you feel. You clenched harder, bringing him to his edge as well, riding it off as he pleased.

He collapsed next to you and you two just spent time cuddling up to each other and kissing in silence. After a while, you two just pulled yourselves back together and cleaned around a little, getting rid of any traces of what happened, since it was still a shop and he had to open it in the morning, but in the end, you two just went back to cuddling like you were before, neither one of you rushing to leave.

"There are some flower petals on your hair" Hyunggu giggled.

You leaned your head on his chest and you realized that you could see his tattoo really close to your face as he picked your hair around for loose petals.

When he rested his arm on his stomach, you couldn't help but reach a finger and trace the flower design around.

"I can't believe you thought I'd break up with you because of a tattoo" you chuckled

"I just don't want to lose you ever." he said before kissing the top of your head.

You were surprised by his confession. The relationship was so new to you, but what you felt for him was so strong, and his words gave you the reassurance that he felt the same.

Being in silence, just the two of you, surrounded by the smell of earth, wood, and flowers - and his perfume - you've never been so sure about your feelings before like you are right now.

'Hyunggu, I…" you choked on the words, thinking again that it might be a bad idea and scare him off.

But he knew what you wanted to say. He knew because inside of him it was the same butterflies dancing around every time he looked at you. He caressed your hair to comfort you.

"Me too, Y/N." He whispered against your lips after softly kissing it.

Feeling grateful that you two could always understand each other beyond words, you were showered with comfort and happiness that you were lucky enough to have found love 2 months ago when you stepped into the most beautiful flower shop you've ever seen, not having a clue that it held for you the most precious person in your life.

#ksmutclub #kino #hyunggu #smut #pentagon #pentagon smut #kino x reader #hyunggu x reader #kino smut #hyunggu smut #pentagon fanfic #pentagon scenarios #pentagon imagines #pentagon kpop #kpop imagine #kpop fanfic #kpop scenarios

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joyfeelstheocean · 3 years

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overcap

it has been awhile since I last updated u guys,,, so um a lot has happened. currently I am sitting on the floor of my moms house in my room that I have lived in for like 10 years, sitting typing this update listening to my fav songs and chilling next to this pile of dust. it is 100 degrees outside and I can't wait to move to LA where it is constantly 70!

thinking about all the firsts I've had in this room, all the sad times, the times I cried over a break up and break ups from people I never even dated, speaking of the office dilf. we said goodbye but it wasn't what I wanted or expected at all. I know I just know I felt he had feelings for me but because of the age difference and the work dynamic I knew he was hesitant to show affection, before months ago before I did the candle love magic for him he would stare into my eyes with his big blue eyes and just talk and talk and talk about his travels and his life and things and places he wants to do and go see. but ever since I lit that pink candle he became distant, he wore pink shirts when he told me his least favorite color is pink, I asked the universe, if he feels something for me let him wear pink and he did every time I saw him. it was crazy, but then the relationship, the dynamic between me and him because stale. it was sad it was lonely and depressing, he no longer talked to me as much as he did no longer told me his weekend plans, no longer talked about his vacations or his interests and hobbies, he no longer looked me in my eyes but instead at his feat or towards the door, he would briskly walk towards the door to avoid having to have a conversation with me so he can just leave, and when he did talk to me he was in his office so he did not have to make eye to eye contact with me. it made me feel abandoned and lonely, honestly wish I didn't light that candle, I wish I would have said something but I didn't want to get in trouble. I want to add him on social media but I doubt he would interact. I want to leave him in my mind the way I left him, nice, friendly, sweet ( he called me sweet :(.. ) I want to leave it like that in my memory not having him leaving me on read or just looking at my friend request awkwardly. ill just leave it, I just left him and he left me. and not its over and I miss him, and I will always miss him, I will NEVER forget him because I truly do believe he was meant for me, every card I pulled suggested him in my past life, and every reading I got I was told he was in my past life as a lover, he was my twin flame my Capricorn and I will always miss him and he will probably forget about me and let me slip from his mind but I just have to accept that. I know I sound crazy and absurd but if you would have felt what I felt you would be writing the same thing I am right now, just trust me, this was more than a crush, it was a connection and he's gone.

I'm moving, I am moving, there has been. bumps like huge bumps like were moving to another place tonight for a couple of days because the apartment were meant to go into has not contacted us yet and made a decision, but we are going to move in there in the end of this week I know we are I cant wait to move into there I am so excited it is such a dream apartment!!!! ughhhh I cant wait to move into there!!!

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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etlunainmorte · 4 years

Text

First of all, thank you so much, anon, for sending me this request. It means so much to me.❤❤❤

And I hope these oneshots make you feel better soon.❤❤❤

***

Part 1 - Dante

***

The Legendary Devil Hunter has been working non stop since the last week.

Of course, you know it's a good thing. For once, you knew that Dante was beginning to have a sense of responsibility. All of his bills were getting paid in time, his debts were diminishing little by little, even Morrison was speechless as to his change of attitude towards his professional working behavior.

It's a good thing, yes. You wanted to believe that.

But, why did you feel even more empty deep inside? His sporadic appearances were not helping with your situation, as it was. Yes, you were happy that he was doing his best for the both of you but,...

... you need him. You needed your beloved so, so much.

But, then again, the Legendary Devil Hunter has been working non stop since the last week.

With your heart feeling even heavier than ever before and your eyes feeling so tired and swollen after all that crying, you climbed on the huge, cold, and empty bed, and turned to the side away from the spot that used to fill your lover. You took the clean white sheets and covered your trembling body with it, imagining it was his warm and strong body that covered and protected yours from the blithering cold instead of the soft fabric. You raised your legs, hugged your knees, and imagined your arms around his body instead of your shaking legs. You closed your eyes, letting all the crippling emotions consume you once more.

Then, you felt it: fresh, hot tears coming out of your eyes, reminding you that no matter how much one cried, the human function will definitely find a way to release the pent up emotion that was keeping one from being completely happy.

However, you knew deep down inside that it was impossible for you to be happy now.

Oh, why does it hurt, so, so much?

You were still deep within your highly protected shell of emotions when the door slowly and quietly opened. Your body was still trembling with the silent tears that won't stop falling when the mattress dipped around you. You were still thinking of the man you needed the most right then when the same man in your thoughts smiled at you and gently pulled down the sheets that covered your face.

And then, you realized, he was there.

"Aww, trying to sleep, already?" Dante's voice tried to penetrate through your mind as he gently ruffled your hair. "Come on! Get dressed. We're going somewhere."

"But, isn't it late already?" You asked, turning away from him to wipe away the tears with your sleeve.

"Late? Nah! Late is never in our vocabulary, right? We used to stay up so late to binge watch your favorite shows, don't you remember?" The man said as he got off you and offered you a hand to help you stand.

"You,... remembered?" You asked, finally taking his hand.

"Of course! Now, let's go."

A few moments later, you found yourself being dragged by this tall and handsome devil towards one shop just across the Devil May Cry shop where you lived with him.

And, apparently, you were right about the time being totally late: almost all of the shops were closed in the immediate vicinity, save for the one he was leading you to.

And it somehow looked,... like an old diner, or something.

Not letting go of your hand, the man opened the door of the diner and you were greeted by a very warm light that slightly blinded you. However, the moment you opened your eyes once again, you saw your lover's friends surrounding you with such warm and happy smiles. And they were all wearing the same pastel pink uniform with matching pairs of roller blades. Now, where have you seen that uniform before?

Oh! Was it from,... ?

"Hello, (Y/N)!" Patty greeted as she took your arm and led you to one of the tables in the middle of the empty shop. "We have something special for you for tonight. Come with me!"

"Eyy, don't forget about me!" Your lover complained with a boyish and mischievous smirk as he followed the two of you towards the table.

Morrison at the other end of the room took this as his cue and started to play something on the jukebox.

One, two,... one, two, three, four!

Your eyes widened at the pleasantly familiar sound that effectively brought life to the empty diner. And you were sure that the song was from,...

Give me more lovin' than I've ever had.

Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad.

Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not.

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad.

Barely gettin' mad,

I'm so glad I found you.

I love being around you.

You make it easy,

It's easy as one, two, one, two, three, four!

"So, what are we having for tonight?" Lady, who was dressed in the same pink uniform asked you as she readied her pen and her little notebook, as if to take your order, asked with a wink and a bright smile that also made you smile, even for a bit.

"Ahh, what are you offering?" You asked, feeling the anticipation and excitement that you haven't felt in ages in your system right then.

"We're gonna have,... a mix of everything!" The man, who was sitting across from you, confidently declared as he raised one finger.

"A mix of everything?!" You asked, surprised at how he was willing to splurge like this. "Are you sure that - ?"

"A mix of everything! Got it!" Lady repeated your lover's order with another charming smile and a wink as she hid her notebook and went to the kitchen.

There's only one thing, two do, three words four you.

( I love you ) I love you!

There's only one way, two say, those three words, and that's what I'll do.

( I love you ) I love you!

Not even a moment, or a minute has passed when Trish came out of the kitchen bearing a really huge box of pizza in one hand. She skated towards you and brought the box down on the table, opening it and letting its delicious smell waft to your nostrils. Making you really hungry.

"One mix of everything, served with a smile." Trish announced as she curtsied and skated away.

You took a good look at your pizza, and to your surprise, you found out it was, indeed, a mix of every flavor you could think of! From Hawaiian to Anchovy - filled, to 4 - cheese,...

It really was a mix of everything!

Just like that time when - !

Give me more lovin' from the very start.

Piece me back together when I fall apart.

Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad.

Best that I've had.

I'm so glad that I found you.

I love being around you.

You make it easy,

It's easy as one, two, one, two, three, four!

"This is going to be so bad for my diet, I can tell."

"Diet?! What's that word again?" The man asked, making you giggle as he cupped the side of his right earlobe, pretending he couldn't hear you quite well. "Oh! Do you mean Pepperoni? Well, why didn't you say so? Here!"

You laughed as you received a huge slice of Pepperoni pizza from him. You took a bite, and you swore you've had this pizza before!

Why are you doing this?

There's only one thing, two do, three words four you.

( I love you ) I love you!

There's only one way, two say, those three words, and that's what I'll do.

( I love you ) I love you!

"This is,... just like that time," You said as you stared at the huge pizza box before you, emotions flooding your chest once more, but not of sorrow. It was different. It felt,... lighter. "Just like - "

"Sshh, it's okay." The man told you as he took one of your hands in his and squeezed it. "Enjoy the moment."

"Wait! If this is really like that time, then there's - !"

The man smiled and winked at you. "How could I forget?" He turned to the left, and when you followed the direction of his sight, you saw both Lady and Patty coming out of the kitchen bearing a huge glass of ice cream.

And not just ice cream,...

... it has every possible flavor in it!

Again, a mix of everything!

Indeed! Just like that time!

The two ladies brought the huge glass down on another table next to you, and you swore you could no longer hold the tears of happiness back.

And this made your lover smile warmly.

You make it easy,

It's easy as one, two, one, two, three, four.

There's only one thing, two do, three words four you.

( I love you ) I love you!

There's only one way, two say, those three words, and that's what I'll do.

( I love you ) I love you!

"D - didn't you like it?" Patty asked with knitted eyebrows, worried when you suddenly burst out crying.

"I like it! I really do! It's just,..." You looked up and glanced at all of your friends before you. The very same people you helped in your own, little way. The same faces who smiled because you made them happy in your own, unique way. The very same friends who are now here for you to make you smile, and make you happy this time.

And it was all because of this man, this Legendary Devil Hunter, who worked non stop for a week to put up this really awesome surprise just for you.

Everything,... was all for you.

You stood and threw yourself at the man before you, who held you as close and as tight as he can.

"You remembered our very first date!" You cried, never wanting to let go of him ever again. "You,... remembered the song! The pizza with everything in it! And the ice cream! Thank you so much! Thank you!"

"Anything for the woman I love." The man whispered close to your ear, making you feel really warm deep inside. "Anything for her, to see her lovely smile once again."

You faced your lover and gave him a kiss that made Morrison and the rest of your friends all giddy inside. "I love you so much, Dante Sparda!"

"I love you, too, dear (Y/N) (L/N). And happy anniversary!"

You reluctantly let Dante go for a while and faced your friends. You just wanted to celebrate this very special day surrounded by all of the people who loved you.

And the loving with your man, Dante? You're afraid it has to wait for now.

"What are you standing there for?" You asked them with a huge and genuine smile on your face. "Let's eat this massive pizza and that monster ice cream together!"

One, two, three, four

One, two, three, four I love you.

( I love you ) I love you!

I love you!

***

💙 Next up, Vergil! Please, look forward to it! 💙

***

❤❤❤

***

#devil may cry 5 #dante sparda #a mix of everything #dante x reader #dante x you #devil may oneshot #anon ask #ask the dying moon #request

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iveneverbeenanatural-13 · 4 years

Text

Update for today

Lockdown for Covid-19 March 27th

I guess I'm writing the story of my life...?

Things are better. Last night was rough because of depression and anxiety... I got to thinking why do I do this to myself? To be honest there is a lot I don't share with people and as a result I tend to break down at random times. I'm not looking for pity, more just friends... People who get it. I'm glad I started to post more on here as it feels sorta like a diary. And maybe right now that's what I need. Even if no one reads this that's ok.

Maybe I will just spell it all out. See what comes from it. So here it goes.

I haven't had a bad life. I'm only 23 but it just feels like a long life with many extra bumps in it... Things just manage not to go the way id like it to most of the time. So now I'm just used the noise. I had a good childhood but many many memories of a broken family. An angry dad (not necessarily towards us kids) a mom who coped with alcohol. I often took care of my siblings as the eldest of five. And there are many other things I won't mention... It was hard. It was dysfunctional. We'd have money then didn't. We'd have food then didn't. We'd have a week of no fighting with my parents and then they would be at each other's throats the next several weeks. We'd have moments of joy but usually short-lived moments. I'm not saying it was all bad. I have good memories too. Singing Taylor Swift songs to my mini laptop webcam is a memory I have. Making music with my brother was a good memory I have. And spending time with friends too.. it wasn't all bad...

Fast forward to about 3 years ago I thought I met the love of my life. Things seemed fine. But it was the calm before the storm. After my ex and I got together things sorta slowly started to get worse. My dad didn't support my relationship. He thought we were moving too fast. My mom wasnt happy and coped with more alcohol. And even tho they had briefly separated a couple years before I thought they wouldn't ever get divorced. Well I was wrong...

My ex and I tried so hard to make our relationship work. And I think I pushed things because I wanted some kind of happy ending. Most of my friends had gotten married or were in happy relationships. This was my first real relationship. So I thought this could be the last. There were constant fights and bitterness started to grow between us... We were co-dependent. We tried to live on our own but due to a mental illness he had, he had a hard time keeping a job. So we were just CONSTANTLY STRUGGLING. It just became not a safe place anymore. We did get engaged after about a year. My dad didn't agree and we didn't have any wedding help. My friends tried to help but it was almost like people didn't take us seriously. Which hurt because I was always there for them whether I agreed with their decisions or not. My mom straight up left my Dad and moved into her own place. I was in between a lot when it came to my mom and dad. Trying to help them to get along for my sister's sake. But there were many fights or my mom getting so drunk that the police were called... DISCLAIMER: I want to say. My parents aren't bad parents. They're just broken.

My ex and I were under so much never-ending stress. We broke up and got back together several times. It was awful. Words were said, feelings were hurt, then we'd forgive and start all over again. I like to think that was the burning Red Taylor was talking about. We loved each other so much. But it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. You lose yourself. You lose who you want to be just so you can help keep the other person from drowning. After two years my parents were officially getting divorced. My dad had gone through severe depression so I moved into his place because I honestly was afraid he would kill himself. That was rough. I had also briefly moved into my moms to help her. This was the breaking point for her. And I had to get my sisters who were living with her at the time and help them to pack up and leave. They no longer wanted to be there. Leaving her behind and closing her apartment door while glimpsing her looking so sad was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Time went on. We finally got through that. I got through that.

During this time I had lost friends. Or at least we didn't talk much anymore. I think they just didn't know how to approach me. And I know they didn't mean it. I was in a place where I couldn't be reached. Later my mom had left our state of NC and moved about 45 mins away to SC with her new Boyfriend. We like him. He's nice. And she's doing so much better! My dad had met a lady and got engaged rather quickly in my opinion lol. But as long as he's happy. When things finally started to calm down a bit with my family the damage had already been done in my relationship. It wouldn't stop. The fighting the arguing. Even after we had moved to our own little house. But it was still my home. I had my cats and my own space. I loved it. Well, back in November a huge fight had occurred and we believed we shouldn't be living together for the time being. I moved in with my grandmother.. I went back and forth a lot. Set up for Christmas and we even got to go on a little vacation. I hadn't been on a vacation in so long. Yet again, it was the calm before another storm. One night in December, the Friday before Christmas (my absolute favorite holiday) I got a call. It was my ex. He said he couldn't do it anymore. And that he was breaking up with me. He said he couldn't tell me face to face because it would be too hard and he probably would change his mind. And I cried. And begged him not too. This all happened after a particularly hard argument we had the day before. Where I had done something wrong and I did apologize for it. But it just wasn't enough... And that was it. The end of my 2-year whirlwind relationship. I was heartbroken. He got really angry and was just saying really mean things to me. Personal things that really affected me. I had to go get all my stuff. Leave one of my kitties behind and give the other one up because I couldn't bring her with me. She is rehomed to one of my best friends. She had been there through pretty much all of it. I'm so grateful I have her. I saw my ex went on a date after 3 weeks. And yeah. It was awful. I felt like the scum of the earth.

And I thought that was it... Hahaha It wasn't. I missed my period for the whole month of January. I didn't even think anything of it. Then I finally took a test. And LOW AND BEHOLD it was positive. My whole life took a fucking turn in one second and I was literally losing my mind. So yeah. Fast forward to now. I'm 16 weeks. Working through my severe depression and anxiety. I had had plans to really work on myself but now that I'm pregnant you can't really take many medications during this time. And that's very hard as I have trouble functioning normally day today... I was looking for a job for months and when I finally found one Covid-19 showed its ugly head and I lost that job. And now I'm here. Not sure of how I'm going to provide for this baby. But the father and I have much a better relationship then we've ever had. We are not back together tho. There's still struggles and obstacles but at this point it's just part of my life. So that's it more or less. That's where I'm at now. I'm very grateful that even tho my family isn't together we all still show up for each other. And even tho I sometimes still get stuck between my dad and moms problems they're still alive and well. And now I have a baby. Which was my ultimate dream. I guess I just want to know that I can provide a really good life for it. As these are not the circumstances I had wished for myself. And that it's childhood is better than my childhood or even my ex's. He struggled too... I'm scared right now because I can't work and I'm constantly battling these demons. But at the same time I know somehow it'll all work out... Eventually... You know what I hope for myself tho? That I find a love that's golden. Not red.

#taylor swift #Anxiety #depression #mental health #swifties #swiftie #covidー19 #struggles

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

In Case You Didn't Know

(Based off In Case You Didn't Know by Brett Young)

Summary: Shawn's so in love with you, but he doesn't know how to say it.

A/n: this is all over the place, theres time jumps and flashbacks and no real distinction between them, so yeah. I actually really like this song and I might end up writing some more stories based off songs, so let me know if you want that.

Requested: no

Warnings: just fluff

***

I can't count the times / I almost said what's on my mind / but I didn't

She's sleeping soundly on the couch, head laying on the arm rest, blanket up to her shoulders. She's absolutely beautiful, I think to myself. Her hair falls messily in her face, lips parted with a soft snore, and even though she's covered, I know her arms are wrapped around her middle in an attempt to keep warm in this arctic apartment of mine. I make a mental note to turn on the heater after I take her up to bed. She couldn’t even make it through half of the movie before her eyes became heavy, and if I was interested in watching the movie, I wouldn’t have even noticed, but I was watching her the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see her this way, completely exhausted from studying for her exams, hair a mess, face bare and slightly red and blotchy from stress crying.

I want so badly to wake her sleeping figure and tell her to just quit, come on the road with me for the second leg of tour. I’ll take care of everything; I’ll take care of her. Anything she wants, it’s hers, no questions asked. But I can’t tell her that. Because no matter how stressed she is now, I know it doesn’t change how incandescently happy she is when she talks about her favorite class, her favorite professor. The way she talks about all the things she’s going to change when she finishes school.

Just the other day / wrote down all the things I’d say / but I couldn’t / I just couldn’t

Being with her only a few months, eight to be exact, I keep finding myself refraining from telling her how I feel. And I know that being on tour for six out of the eight months we’ve been together is definitely taking a toll on her, and me too. I’m never here when she needs me, and to see her the way she is right now, I know that I can’t keep these feelings from her much longer.

Because if she’s crying over a test that she’s about to take when I am here, I’m scared to know what she cries about when I’m not. Does she cry about me? About me not being here? When I left before, she held in the tears - so did I - but we’d only been together a month. Maybe she didn’t want to seem too attached. I know I didn’t, but Brian knows how much leaving her put me in this week long funk. I called and texted her constantly until I realized that doing that only made it even harder to be away from her. So I calmed a bit, not by choice, but by necessity.

Seeing her sleeping so peacefully, now curled in my sheets, hugging my pillow, I can’t help but smile. I could write a million songs just about this moments alone, and that’s exactly what I go back to the living room to do. To write yet another song about the girl in my bed, hoping and praying that she’ll still be there come daybreak.

Baby I know that you’ve been wondering / mmm, so here goes nothing / in case you didn’t know / baby I’m crazy ‘bout you

Sheets of paper litter the top of the piano, the coffee table, literally any surface that was once clear isn't now. I'm scribbling out a new lyric, and start strumming the melody that's been stuck in my head since she fell asleep next to me.

My mind is a jumbled mess. She has me feeling every possible emotion and I can't convey it in just one song. So every new idea gets written down and I hope I'll find a place for it in another song later. I'm going crazy, my mind working faster than my hand can write, and the song doesn't sound right with the guitar riff, but then it doesn't sound right with the piano. It's all wrong. None of it is good enough for her and I need it to be good enough.

And I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you / even though / I don't tell you all the time / You had my heart a long, long time ago / in case you didn't know

I know it hasn't even been a year and I sound like a love sick puppy. And that if you ask anyone that doesn't know me personally, they'd say that this relationship is all for show. That I'm doing it for the publicity. That she's getting paid. None of it's true.

She's everything I have ever wanted. Ever needed. And its so hard for me to think back to even just nine months ago. I wonder how I did anything before her. How did I cope with my anxiety when she wasn't there coaxing me through it, lulling me back to reality and not the fucked up place my mind always wandered to?

If I can't think back to nine months ago, before she became my everything, how am I supposed to look forward and not see her in every possible situation that I could be put it?

The way you look tonight / that second glass of wine / that did it, mmm

Dinner at her apartment is everything. Except she won't let me actually cook. She's scared I'll burn the building down. Which, to be fair, could very well happen. So I'm only allowed to cut things, and of course pour her wine. She's stirring the rice while I sit at the little bar area, head resting in my hand while I stare lovingly at her. Her cheeks are slightly pink from both the heat from the stove and from the glass of red she's sipping from.

"You're staring," she says softly, and looks over at me.

I clear my throat and look down at my half empty glass, "Sorry. Can't help it. You're just so pretty."

She looked down at her outfit, and squinted skeptically at me. "Jeans and a two-sizes-too-big flannel? Oh yeah, I'm sure I look real cute," she replies sarcastically, with a disbelieving eye roll.

"You do," I say, matter-of-factly. "With you hair pulled up like that," I gesture to pony tail that was currently falling because she didn't wrap the rubber band around enough. "And your eyes just being as beautiful and bright as ever. How could I not stare at you forever?"

This causes her to become even more red, if that's possible, and I pull out my phone, swiftly snapping a picture of her because she is just so pretty and I want to see her like this forever.

"Stop it!" She whines, turning away from me.

"But you look so cute," I say, turning my phone around so she can see the vibrant blush on her cheeks.

She just shakes her head and takes another sip. I can't help but watch the way her lips curve around the lip of the glass, and my whole body tingles at the promise of those lips touching mine later.

There was something 'bout that kiss/ girl it did me in / got me thinking / I've been thinking

I pull her body close to mine when she puts the dishes in the sink. "Thank you for tonight," I mumble into her shoulder.

She hums and her hands cover mine on her stomach. "You're welcome bub. So glad you could make some time for a meal this week. I was starting to think you didn't eat," she says teasingly.

I manage a small apology, pressing my lips to the soft skin of her collar bone. I know I've been literally everywhere but with her this week and it's been killing me. But even just a night like this was enough to make me forget about all my stress up to this point.

She turns her head to face me and plays with my currently overfluffy curls. "I adore you, my little rockstar," she whispered into my hair.

I look up at her with a sleepy smile and hooded eyes. I only have a second to react before her lips press to mine in a soft, passionate kiss. And all I can think is that I could stay this way for the rest of my life and never get tired of the feel of her lips.

One of those things that I've been feeling / mmm, it's time you hear 'em

I'm still watching her as we wash the dishes together. She's washing, I'm drying. It's the simplest of systems, but it's also so domesticated and it makes me sad knowing that I can't give her that domestic life one day. Husband a d kids, nice suburban home to come to every night. I'm traveling too often to give her that simple life that she so desperately deserves, even though she's told me before that she doesn't care about that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks after washing the last plate, handing it to me. I smile sheepishly at the way she's leaning against the counter, one leg crossed in front of the other, hands playing with the neck of her shirt.

I finish drying the plate before I speak. I place the towel I was holding on the counter and reach for her hands. "Can I tell you something, pumpkin?"

You've got all of me / I belong to you / yeah you're my everything / in case you didn't know

"Anything," she squeezes my hands reassuringly.

I can't look into her eyes, so I stare at our linked hands and sigh contently at the feel of her small, soft, cold hands in my large, calloused, hot hands. I don't know why telling her this is so hard for me, it shouldn't be. I write about love all the time.

But I've never felt it. Not like this. Not when my heart feels like it's literally about to burst out of my chest when she smiles at me. Not when I can't help but stumble on my way to her because I'm staring so hard that I trip over my own feet. Not when an interviewer asks me what my favorite thing about going home is and my immediate thought is her. She's my home. Whether we live together or not. She's it. She's my everything and that's fucking terrifying. I never thought I would become this dependent on someone else.

"Bub, what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" She asks, breaking me from my own thoughts, trying to catch my eye.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and finally meet her intense gaze. If I had to decipher what that look meant, I'd say she was looking at me the same way I look at her. With that endless amount of love, lust, compassion, and adoration that my expression hopefully conveys. Why she chose me of all the people to be with, I'll never know. But she did. So I say it.

"I love you," I finally manage to say, but it's so low I don't even know if she heard me.

She doesn't respond for a while and I'm searching her face for any sign that it'll give me, saying that I crossed a line, that we weren't ready. But just as I'm opening my mouth to apologize, her lips cover mine, tongue slipping effortlessly into my mouth. And I hold her body tight against me, so tight I don't think she can breathe properly, but she makes no move to leave my arms and I have no intention of letting her go. So I hold her while we kiss under the harsh light of her kitchen and I let out a low whimper when she goes to ultimately pull away.

"Say it again," she begs.

And I do, kissing her cheek. "I love you." Her nose, "I love you." Her forehead, "I love you." And finally, once again. Her lips. "I love you."

She sighs, eyes fluttering shut while her fingers trace my jaw and then the curves of my mouth, my nose. "I love you, too." She kisses both of my eyelids before she says it again. "I love you so much."

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

I've literally been writing this since February and it's not even the way I wanted it 🤷‍♀️ but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. A little fluff to counteract with the angst I gave y'all on Wednesday.

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

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taenamseok · 5 years

Text

Small droplets ping against the metal bucket that sits in the middle of my living room, slowly filling it up. The landlord refuses to fix the leak in my roof, saying it'd be too expensive. I don't mind it though. Some may think my apartment isn't the greatest. The lack of insulation making it slightly difficult in the winter, but I'm not bothered. I keep many thick blankets in my house, so when it gets cold, I get to bundle up in them to stay warm. I also have a large window in my kitchen that faces the street. This is where I sit, watching the rain pour down outside, splashing on the pavement. Few people pass by, their colorful umbrellas adding beauty to the dull grey surroundings. I think of the water, how far it must've travelled just to fall onto my street. The rivers and oceans it must've flown through, the wonders it could've touched.

Life is beautiful

I carry my mother's frail body from the couch to her bed, empty bottles clinking as my foot bumps them. I've been doing this since I was fifteen. My father was gone before I was born, and my mother hadn't taken it well, drowning in alcohol. I've never once seen her sober. Through my childhood, I didn't even see her that much. She worked so many jobs to keep us alive, she was rarely home. Whenever she was home, she yelled at me or hit me whenever she looked at me, saying I looked too much like my father. I always hid in the closet with a flashlight, reading books that I got from the school library. My love of literature has only grown since. As I lay her down, she groans, rolling over to face me. "Namjoon..." she whispers. "You're such a disappointment." Those are her last words before she slips into a deep slumber. I kiss her on the cheek before I leave, stepping into the warm sunshine. Being able to walk out of there, no longer trapped in her clutches is the best feeling. I am free, able to do whatever I want.

Life is beautiful.

As I sit here, surrounded by my sobbing family members, I stare at the closed casket containing my grandfather. They lower it down into the ground, and my grandmother screams, sobbing into my uncle's chest. I've kept it together for so long, not letting go of my emotions. Her wails cause a single tear to roll down my cheek, her heartbreak causing my own pain. My grandfather was a great man. Out of all my family members, he was the only one that actually seemed like he cared about me. He would give me old books, read me to sleep whenever I went to their house because my mother got into trouble, he even taught me English to broden my horizons, being able to read more wonderful books. As the funeral ends, I walk through the graveyard, thinking back on fond memories. As I walk, I spot a small sapling protruding from the ground. I kneel down to examine it, and I smile. One life is taken, one is started. This sapling will grow into a strong tree, and I will come visit it, as a memorial for my grandfather.

Life is beautiful.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kim, I don't know how to say this." The doctor says, looking over his clipboard. I sit across from him, wondering what he's reading. "The tumor has grown to a size that would be impossible to operate on. I'm so sorry, you have maybe a year at most." He says. I let his words sink in. I thank him and shake his hand before exiting the hospital. I walk over the bridge with my hands in my pockets. A year at most. At twenty five, I'll be gone. It wasn't long, but it was good. I sit down on my favorite park bench, watching people pass by. I spot a young couple sat on a blanket, having a picnic together. They look so happy, laughing and smiling at each other. Love radiates off of them, and I smile, their happiness warming my heart. What a wonderful feeling that must be, being loved by someone, loving them.

Life is beautiful.

I sit in the small diner, chatter from it's regular occupants reverberating off the walls. I sip my coffee as the waitress cleans the bar around me. I've been coming here for years, the aesthetic relaxing me. As I look around, I see a new face. A young woman tucked into a corner booth, resting her head on her hand as she pokes at her food with a fork. She looks out the window, a small smile tugging at her lips as a dog on a leash passes by. She licks her chapped lips as she turns back to her food, yawning as she rubs her eyes.

She is beautiful.

I start to come to the diner more often, and she's there most of the time. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she just has a coffee and reads. It took three weeks to gather the courage to talk to her. I sit down at her booth, and her eyebrows raise. "Can I help you?" She asks. Today was a coffee and reading day, and I notice the title of her book. "Les Miserablés. That's a great read." I smile. "You've read it?" She asks, shifting in her seat. "I read it three times." I reply. "Isn't it amazing? The structure is phenomenal, and the description, the imagery, just, incredible." She rambles. She seems so happy. It's great to see a genuine smile on her typically somber face. We sit for hours talking about our favorite books. Her voice is so soft and sweet, I feel like I could listen to it every second of every day. Sooner than I expected, the waitress came to tell us it was closing time. We nod, standing up so she could clean the table. We stand outside, saying our goodbyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I say, not wanting her to leave. "It's Y/N." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She is beautiful.

We start seeing each other more. Instead of just the diner, we see each other at our houses, go out together, we even had a picnic together. I've never been so happy in my life. She's told me her past, how her parents abused her and kicked her out of the house at only fifteen, how she had to drop out of school to work full time to support herself. Through all she hardships she's faced, she still came out strong with a positive outlook on life. Through the darkness, she always saw the light, and focused on that, no matter how dim it was. I admire her for that. She's like me. Even with all the negativity in the world, there is always something positive, and she understands that. She is brave and sweet and caring.

She is beautiful.

She loves me. It took a month, but I finally told her how I felt, and she feels the same way. "I love you, Kim Namjoon." She said that. I kissed her too. Her lips were so soft against mine, like a rose. I want to be with her forever. However, I don't have forever. I told her about my tumor. She cried, and I apologized for making her sad. I never want to see her sad. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. Seeing her so upset hurts, and I make her look at me as I wipe her tears. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. I couldn't help myself that day. I shouldn't have wrapped you into all of this but I did. I'm so sorry." I tell her, a tear streaming down my cheek. She reaches up, holding my hands and placing a small kiss on my palm. "Namjoon, I want to stay with you until it's time. I will be with you until the end. I love you and I will never leave you." She says. I hug her tightly, shaking slightly as I cry silently.

Her words are beautiful.

These past months have been the best of my life. Every time I see her my heart warms up, my smile never fades. Knowing she still loves me makes the last year of my life worth while. I've learned everything about her, and the more I learned, the deeper I fell in love. After a few months she wanted me to move in with her, so I did. being able to hold her in my arms every night is the best feeling. She's treated me amazing, and I've given her the same treatment. I want to prove to her as much as I can how much I care about her. I can tell that everything is taking a toll on her. Even though she is drained, she still shows that she loves me. I don't want to leave her.

She is beautiful.

She brought me to the hospital. My head hurts so bad, I collapsed yesterday. I have a feeling today is the day. It's too soon. There's still so I wanted to do with her. I wanted to marry her, have a family with her, grow old together. She holds my hand as I lay in the hospital bed. She hasn't left since she brought me here. "Y/N, you need to eat something. Please, go to the cafeteria and get something." I beg her. "No. I'm not leaving your side. I promised you, until the very end." She insists. I smile sadly at her, and rub her hand softly. This woman has given me the best year of my life. I'm so lucky. "Tell me something beautiful." I request. She thinks for a moment, smiling when she gets an idea. "Do you remember the day we met? How windy it was out? The trees looked so beautiful swaying in the breeze, the leaves drifting through the air." She describes. "That picnic we had next to your grandfather's tree. The lilies we left there for him. I'm sorry, I must be doing a terrible job at this." She sniffles. "No, you're doing an amazing job. Please, keep going." I asks. She nods, and thinks again. "That night we were in the park, and it started to rain, and instead of running like everyone else, we splashed in puddles, danced, and sat and watched the droplets fall. The sound was so calming, and sitting on that park bench, the water soaking through our clothes, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain again without thinking of that day." She starts to tear up again. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you changed my life. Everything got so much better when I met you. Maybe in another life I can try to make it up to you. I'm so sorry." All of the good times we had were coming to an end. I'm so thankful she came into my life

She made my life beautiful.

A/N: We take so many small things for granted in our lives, not realizing that any day could be our last. Please, take this as a lesson of sorts, and enjoy the minor things in life. Watch a sunset, play in the rain, have fun. Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the time you have.

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rage-against-the-meyer · 4 years

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Breaking Dawn (2008)

So, I've reviewed the other Twilight Saga books already, but I promiss you, this is gonna be the worst one yet. I must admit, as a 13-year-old girl this was my favorite book (don't kill me yet). I was growing up in a Dutch small Christian town that had had a big infuence on my views. In my mind, it was perfectly logical that the story ends with a child against all odd. As a grown-up Biomedical scientist, this does not go anymore. As such, I now view Breaking Dawm as the absolute worst one yet and here, I will tell you exactly why.

Breaking Dawn is a big fat book that consists of three different books. I will discuss the books seperately in fear that it might be too much otherwise.

Part I from Bella's point of view

It's no surprise that I actually do like this book. We get 6 chapters of sheer happiness and joy. Very much Edward/Bella intimacy and they finally have sex (woohoo). So what can I bitch about?

Well, actually not too much. I loved the wedding, the secret goodbyes (yes, I cried). I just believe that after the first 6 chapters Bella should have struggled with the decission to change instead of the pregnancy. Yes, Chapter 7 is the cursed chapter for me. It's the onset of all pending misery. Also, it is the first time that menstruations are mentioned and the weak excuse SM gave to explain the never-having-killed-her-due-to-smelling-period-blood on Edwards part is just that, weak. So, all-in-all, I hated this chapter but what comes after is exceedingly worse.

Part II from Jacob's point of view

I hate Jacob. That much hasn't changed. I hated the cold Jacob that is so prominent here very very much. Personal sun my ass. I have always loathed this POV but it offers us some interesting views on the wolves and the Quileute people. It was good to see the communication between the wolves, but it was also nonsense. The big difference between you can't hide what you think and thinking in directed full sentences became a blurry line that never really made sense to me. What was good about it, is that we saw how pure Seth's mind is and how deeply hurt and actually good Leah is. Seth, a mere teenager, is objectively one of the purest characters I have ever read and that's on that. The faint influence of the coming Gen Z was shimmering through in his defiance of made boundaries in communication: Seth saw the good in the Cullens and defied his tribes prejudice. Good for him. Leah, of course, is one of the most denied characters in the series. Such a fierce young woman that has suffered so much is the only character that does not get redemption. It is absolutely outrageous and I agree with many that it shows SMs prejudice against women of colour. She gets literally nothing. She stands on her own in a group of men that mock her for her guard as she has to suffer through knowing her ex's love for his new love. Then, of course, she cannot have children and she gets no love interests. To through all these (in SMs mind) limitations only at one of the few POC is not great. I do like the fact that Leah and Jacob become closer and that Leah cares most for Seth. It's not enough, though. Leah should have gotten the trip to go to college somewhere far away, paid for by the Cullens out of sheer gratitude. She should have everything and all but through Bella's (read: SMs) mind she is still depicted as sad, lonely and bitter. To show a woman's anger like that is straight up misogynistic. Great start.

Jacob's story skips so many valuable parts of Bella's story, which we have been focussing on until now, and it makes so little sense that Jacob would be there for all the important interactions.

In Jacob's part, some shocking facts become clear. As a biomedical scientist, I have been holding back the outrageousness of this one: the chromosomes.

Vampires are frozen in time; after the change, their bodies don't change anymore. They also don't grow new or longer hairs, new teeth, anything. They are frozen in time. Curiously, they still have a need to feed (blood) and their consumption influences four things: their thirst, the colour of their eyes, their strength and their behaviour. I will tell you why this makes absolutely no sense. In humans, we feed for much the same reasons: we don't get hungry, we stay alive, become stronger and we are nicer when we aren'r hungry. This influence is exerted by the distribution of food molecules throughout the body; to the brain, to the muscles, the organs, you name it. Vampires don't have blood, their distribution of food molecules would be so slow that it would take days if not weeks for the molecules to get to the eyes or the brain. We know vampires aren't mushy inside to increase the distribution so how does it work? It eludes me, I'll tell you. Also, every part of the vampire body is supposed to be solid. Where does the liqud from the blood go? A human averagely holds 5 litres of blood. That is a lot. And since the body doesn't change, where does the liquid go? Aside from the distribution, it makes even less sense that any of these factors should be influenced by anything at all. It is likely that vampires still have cells, their bodies still need to create impulses, movements, talk etc. But their bodies don't changes anymore, so after the change the cells stop producing hair molecules? Why don't the hairs drop anymore? It is so dumb that SM suggested a certain balance between the actiond that continue and actions that don't. We still move the muscles but they can't grow anymore but the cells in the muscle stay active?? This brings me to the chromosomes.

So, Carlisle has tested human, vampire and werewolf (without consent) blood. He found that vampires have 25 chromosome pairs, werewolves 24 and humans 23 chromosome pairs. His findings and his tone suggest that he attributes all the vampire qualities to the 2 extra chromosomes. Now, with everything that I have just explained, I see no possiblity behind that. The venom of a vampire just adds two pairs of chromosomes to your cells? One from your mother and one from your dad? And then, these chromosomes are able to pinpoint exactly with genes to silence and which to activate and that is enough to make your skin hard as granite? No way. The body makes strong pieces, but still the strongest is the teeth. Strong but not as strong as SM thinks.

All-in-all this science is straight up the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever seen. There is just no logic behind the logic SM gave. It doesn't stop here, though. No. I am 100% convinced that SM has not had any sex talk ever in her life. She started with Edward's 100-year-old sperm being vital enough to produce a baby. This sperm is saved at approxomately the temperature of a rock/as cold as ice. This is far far far too high a temperature to preserve sperm cells for long, let alone a 100 years. So, No. No, again. Then, Edward's dick is magically able to get hard without any liquids in the body? No. And THEN, his human sperm cells (human but also vampire?) are able to make a zygote with Bella's egg cell??? A zygote with 24 (!!!) chromosome pairs???? So, it's one of each of Bella's, one of each of Edward's and then just one of the two vampire pairs?????? No. Nah-ah.

I haven't been this vocal about any of my other issues, including racism and other forms of discrimination. Somehow, I have accepted that these concepts come from very well-preserved ideas and I can plainly discuss this matter. However, the pain Stephenie Meyer has put me through as a scientist is still very unknown to me and it annoys me to the core.

I suppose, while I'm on the matter, I should address the elephant in the room. Resumé. Renesue is the embodiment of everything Bella didn't need. The book should have ended before the pregnancy. A story of a woman that found a love in a vampire and she needed nothing else in her life but him. This was the story we were promissed. And then, SM takes her turn to make the last non-conservative woman in the book a mother (her being a mother will come later).

In conclusion, this part stretched every nerve in my body and made me cringe so hard I felt sick.

Part III from Bella's point of view

I'm not gonna lie, I have been pretty dark about the last part. But I LOVE Bella as a vampire. The tranquil chapters where she learns everything about being a vampire made me confident I wanted to be one. I loved Bella more confident and comfortable. I loved the new ease between Bella and Edward. Tranquil, as I said.

Of course, these chapters are overshadowed in part by Rususme. I don't mind the child. It seems nice enough - SM made it pure. But Bella is not a very caring mother. She meets her daugther and then, both Edward and her really don't mind her. They have no urge to be with her and have no trouble letting her go. They go have sex the whole night instead of looking at Relsume's dreams. Then, there is the fact that all tense and loaden discussions are held in the presence of the exceptionally perceiving child. Edward can SEE that she understands tensions. It's so fucking dumb. It really bothered me the last time I read it, maybe because I've matured or maybe because I didn't really care the first time.

When it comes to the final battle approaching, I enjoyed that. I loved Alice's plan. I like the Volturi and their grand dramatic scheming and such. I loved the new characters very much. I think they added a whole new demension to the story. I would have been there for Edward and Bella traveling around the world meeting these people with the oncoming thread of genocide for a child as well though. Of course, the racism is back. The Amazonian and Egyptian vampires are so blatantly racistly described. In that aspect, the movie deserves way more credit for giving us the straight up prettiest actors ever to cover this.

Wrongness continues as Jacob imprints (as the second wolf) in an infant. I know some people see no issue with this. SM tried to make it clear that it was just about her happiness by letting Edward see that Jacob wasn't thinking sexually about his equivalent-of-a-three-year-old child. I mean. Looking at this logically, it's disgusting and there is no changing my mind. Personally, I feel Jacob could have imprinted on any other female character (with the exception of Leah). For all I care it was a 35-year-old woman. But, reversed pedophilia (Jacob was still underage) isn't fun for SM so she sticks with what she knows.

I think I have adressed my most important issues. Please inform me if I've missed any. As usual, I urge you to inform yourself on the Quileut Tribe as it is and donate to them for SM has wronged and exploited them.

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: I curse Stephenie Meyer for creating that incredibly stupid child as a way to project Jacob's love to something of Bella. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to them via the links above; SM has wronged them.

As a final note, I am a biomedical scientist at heart. I am always interested in a challenging topic, so fire away.

#breaking dawn #bella swan #bella #edward and bella #edward cullen #edward #the cullens #rosalie cullen #esme cullen #alice cullen #emmett cullen #jasper cullen #bella cullen #renesmee and jacob #renesmee cullen #resume

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edourado · 7 years

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Hey! i've been gorging on your gorgeously written karedevil fic, and i think you've ruined all other karedevil fic not written by you for me, you just get them, it's crazy how the writing just sucks you in and leaves you in a puddle of feels. anyways in case you're taking any prompts, can i please get an angsty/bittersweet fic where Karen this time has to confess her secrets to Matt and how matt reacts, preferably after season 2. Thank you so much for your fics and writing. Love it :)

Hello, darling.

Let me tell you this, your message warmed my heart. A lot. Because the Karedevil fandom is pretty small, I don’t really get a lot of feedback. I do get a lot of prompts, but feedback is rare, so this right here made me smile a lot a lot a lot. So thank you, very very very much.

I have your prompt for you, finally. I’m sorry it took so long. I’m not in the most Karedevil of places right now. After The Defenders, it became kinda hard to write for them. But, luckily, you asked for angsty/bittersweet. So, hopefully, that’s what this is. I hope you like it.

Let me know what you think. It is set after The Defenders.

Much love.

Wall

He was still stuck in bed when she came over.

There were a lot of injuries. He could barely move without a million things hurting at the same time, and Claire had threatened to use the whole extent of Luke’s strength if he didn’t follow her instructions - and the doctor she had approved of - to the dot. So he wasn’t allowed to get up by himself. He wasn’t allowed to try and sit up without help. He wasn’t allowed to do anything, really. He was lucky she let him go to the bathroom alone, at least, even if she did insist on baths, not showers.

Foggy came first, and went on a rant about being an asshole, his best friend, irresponsible, impulsive, stupid and too noble. He also went on a different rant about abusive relationships and when it was time to let people go. Claire yelled at him when he flung himself on Matt on a hug she had told him he couldn’t share.

Danny was like a kid who could not stop talking. Jessica was stoic, but she offered to smuggle a drink for him and threatened to punch him into seeing again, which showed she cared. She sat with him a lot.

Karen came almost a week after he could get visits.

She had been out of town, working on a “story” - she was working with Frank. Foggy couldn’t lie to him before, he can’t lie to him now - and Matt tried not to keep asking for her, but he couldn’t help himself.

“She was so relieved, man”, Foggy told him. “You gotta believe me. She was wrecked when we thought… You know, when we thought you were really gone, she really never gave up hope. I did, I’ll admit it, but she didn’t.”

Which made him happy, he supposed. But he wanted to see her. He needed to talk to her, to apologise, again, for lying, for not letting her in, for pushing her away even when he told himself he was trying. He wasn’t, not really.

He just… He really wanted to see her.

Count the hours as he did, he was asleep when she finally came.

He woke up, his head foggy because of all the meds, and she was sitting there by his bed, soft sobs coming out, her face wet with tears.

How long had she been there?

“Karen…” he calls, but it’s barely above a whisper, and she jumps up, moving closer, sitting by his side on the bed, suddenly crying harder, but her hands are soft on his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks, fingers combing his hair back.

“Oh, my God, Matt-”

He has time to offer her a few reassuring words while she caresses him and cries, but then she’s leaning in and pressing a kiss to his mouth, and suddenly he wants to cry, too.

Why is this so difficult? There is a part of him that had known, pretty much since the beginning, that it was her, it was always gonna be her, but he keeps making everything so complicated. Even when he doesn’t want to, life just keeps-

“I thought I lost you”, she says against his face, and her embrace is soft. He can’t really tell, because he’s so focused on her, but if Claire is watching, there would be no reason to come and make her back off. “When Foggy called me, I was so… I wanted to come back right away, but… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

There’s a tear of two running from his eyes and into the pillow under his head, but he chuckles anyway.

“Why are you apologising?”

“Because I wasn’t here for you when you woke up, I-”

“Karen, Karen, no. Stop. You don’t have to, you thought I was dead, I would never ask you to… It’s ok. I’m just glad you’re here, now.”

He liked having her this close, her hip by his, a hand on his chest, the other one over him, supporting her own weight on the mattress. Matt held the hand she had over his heart, weaving his fingers with hers, caressing her skin with his thumb, squeezing, feeling her bones shift in his hold, the warmth of her skin making him feel better than he had since that building collapsed on top of him.

“I owe you an apology, not the other way around”, he said.

Moving to adjust her own weight by his side, her left hand found his face and she wiped the tear that had rolled towards his pillow.

“Listen to me”, she said, very softly, her voice shaky from her tears, but clear. “I’m sorry for not seeing… For not realizing that this… This thing you do, this huge thing you do, is important to you. I never meant to keep you from it, I thought… I thought it was something that was eating away who you really were, something that was keeping you from your life. I’m sorry, ok? I know what it’s like to have people telling me I’m not supposed to do something, but really it’s what I’m meant to be doing.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that. He fought for a long time, so hard, to create this man, this version of Matt Murdock that fit in what he thought was right, that people thought was right. Only to torture himself when he feels alive when his mask is on.

“The only thing I ask, is that you tell me the truth. Ok? You don’t have to lie to me, ever, I will never… I will never turn on you, Matt, no matter how bad you think it is. Ok?”

With a funny feeling inside him, like gearing up to lift the heaviest of weights when it is, actually, very light, he nodded, still holding her hand.

He’s fighting the meds Claire has him on. He would be in a lot more pain than he is if he didn’t take them, so he doesn’t complain. But it’s hard to stay awake, he can’t really fight it, he can feel his body going under again.

“Stay”, he asks, squeezing her hand. “Please, stay.”

“I will”, she promises. “I’ll be here, don’t worry, I’m not leaving you.”

When he falls asleep again, her hand is tight around his, and she’s readjusting again, lying by his side, and Matt tries to focus on her heartbeat.

It lulls him to sleep in less than a minute.

.:.

He was having an intense dream he can no longer remember the moment he opens his eyes.

“Matt”, she’s saying, and he doesn’t want to wake up. Maybe this is a dream, how warm she is, the smell of her skin and her hair around him, her face there so close to his. “I have to go, Matt.”

He lets out a small groan of protest.

“I’ll come back later, I promise.” There is a kiss on his face, another on his lips, then another. “I promise, ok?”

“Stay”, he asks as she untangles her hand from his.

“I’ll come back. I’ll be right back, I promise you.”

When he falls asleep, she is halfway out the door.

.:.

Foggy wakes him up to eat, and, really, as much as he loves his friend, Matt prefers when it’s Claire taking care of him. Foggy means well, but it’s just not the same.

“Since you’re bed ridden, I figured I’ll abuse my position as the healthy one and force you to help me on a few cases while you have your soup.”

“Foggy”, he says as his friend puts the tray with the bowl of soup in front of him.

“No, I’m dead serious. I need your help, man, I’m so behind on a shit load of things, and it’s a little bit your fault, so open your ears and turn your brain on.”

Matt sighs while Foggy sits on the floor and opens a file.

“Where’s Karen?” he asks, chasing the lingering perfume she left on his sheets.

“Work. Says she’ll be back later. I need you to focus now, man, I’m really swamped here.”

With a sigh and a silent prayer that she comes back soon, he picks up his spoon.

“Alright.”

“Great. Let’s start with the small ones. Mrs. Riemelt doesn’t think her ex-husband is being generous enough in his alimony. She wants the house in the Hamptons and another ten percent of his shares. Or a seat on the board. Here’s the offer we have from his lawyer.”

.:.

This one is his favorite. Waking up with the tip of her finger running around his face, slowly, a very light touch.

“Hi”, he greeted and heard her smile in her voice.

“How do you manage to be charming even when you’re waking up, all banged up?”

He was, really, just waking up, so he didn’t come up with an answer fast enough, just lied there and smiled.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired”, he said honestly.

“How can you be tired, you’ve been lying down for two weeks.

“Foggy made me work today. We spent the afternoon working on his cases.”

“Yeah, he told me.”

They lied there for a minute of two, and he was unashamed in enjoying her caresses on his face, but there it was, again, something in her voice.

“We have to talk, Matt”.

He didn’t want to talk. Whatever it was that she wanted to say, it sounded serious, it sounded not as good as this, not as comfortable as this, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“I asked you to tell me the truth from now on, so I think it’s fair that I do that, too.”

He was on his side, turned towards her, and even then, even when she was so serious, he liked that so much, having her there, in bed with him, he wanted that every day, forever, for the rest of his life, he wanted her here with him, near him, where he could reach her.

“I never told you why I came to New York.”

.:.

It was a lot. Certainly a whole lot more than he ever thought she had to say. Never had he thought that Karen, sweet, fun, loving Karen had lived through such horrible things.

At her own pace, she told him about her life, about the accident, about her brother, about running, about Wesley and Fisk and her nightmares. She told him, she cried, he held her.

“It doesn’t matter”, he said when she was done, his hands wet with her tears. “None of it matters. You’re here now, you’re safe, I got you, I promise you, this will never happen again, I won’t let it.”

With a deep breath, to calm herself down, to center herself, she let him kiss her, shallow and long, intense, and he gathered her in his arms, an overwhelming need to protect her, to shield her of everything, from the world, from any harm that could ever, one day, come her way.

She let him. But then, incredibly, against his chest, her hand light on his back:

“No, Matt.”

Stunned, he asked why, why, why not, what does she mean, they’re here, she’s here, he’s here, for her, she never has to go through that again, he’ll keep her safe, he-

“I know”, she interrupted. “I know, I’m not doubting you, I know you… I know, ok?”

“Then why, just let me be here for you, please, let me take care of you.”

She smiled inside his kiss, but he smelled the fresh tears welling under her lids.

“I need to figure myself out first”, she argued, soft, ever so soft, never trying to get away from him. “I need to fix this mess, I need to learn how… You know, how to take care of myself.”

“You’re always saying you can.”

They smiled together, his nose against her face, please, please…

“I know. And I can, but there’s so much I need to fix, there’s so much you… You need to do.”

There it was. That thing. Ever present, ever… Between him and her.

“No.”

Even while he said it, even while he shook his head to deny it, he knew it was true. That she was right.

“Karen, listen to me. I’m here, now. There’s nothing-”

“Yes, Matt, there is. There’s a lot, actually.”

“No, there isn’t.” And then. “I love you.”

The breath left her slowly.

“I know you think you do-”

“No, Karen, please-”

“I know, Matt, but… But there’s so much still going on, with those Japanese guys, with Elektra…”

Hearing her name in Karen’s voice was a little bit of a shock. He froze, realizing he hadn’t been told what had happened to Elektra after Midland Circle. He knew that she had made it out alive, but he didn’t even know how he had survived himself, he still didn’t know anything about it, really, details were a mystery to him.

“Why… What do you… Elektra, I-”

“I met her, when I first came to see you.”

Those words sparked some sort of panic inside him. But, to his own surprise, they also sparked longing. Suddenly he needed to know about Elektra, if she was ok, how they had managed to get out alive. Suddenly, right when Karen is right there next to him.

“She told me you guys are leaving”, she went on.

That took him out of his sudden state.

“What?”

“She said you’re just waiting until you can travel, and then you’re going to her place in France, I guess? I’m not sure.”

“No, that’s not- I never-”

“I think it would be good, Matt. You need some time, to breathe, to think, it’ll be good for-”

“I don’t want to be away from you.”

Just like that. Simple, effortless, it just came out, the truth - one of the many truths - lodged inside him, on the back of his throat and in the base of his heart. He wants to be near her, plain and simple.

“I think it’s a good idea”, she whispers, but her hand slipped away from where it touched him, and that wall, that wall that was invisible, but solid, the wall that he hated with all his might, made itself present between them again. “Maybe some space is good, for you, for me, too. Maybe…”

“Karen”, he tried, trying to keep himself in check, trying to not raise his voice, trying to convince her, as calmly as he can, that he doesn’t want this, he wants to stay right where he is. Right here. “If she told you this, she decided it on her own.”

“She told me it was something you guys talked about before, before she… Died. That you talked about going-”

“We- yeah, we did, but that was before. That was-”

“But”, she went on, interrupting him, voice as soft as cotton, but with the strength of a tractor. “Don’t you think it’s… All messy, here? That it would be good for you to take some time away?”

“From you?”

There was a silence that followed his question, and he could tell she was looking at him, with that face, thoughts running wild inside her head, with nothing he could do about it.

“You want me to go and be away from you? For you to be away from me?”

He wanted to hear a “no”. A “no, of course not”, he wanted a kiss and the decision that they were not gonna talk about that anymore, not gonna think about it anymore, they were gonna be together. Instead,

“I think it would be good”. Her hand, down his throat, twisting everything inside him painfully. “Don’t you? We’re not… We’re not going anywhere. Every time we try, every time we decide to start over, something stops it, something… I don’t know, gets in the way?”

“Yeah”, he agreed, trying to tear that damn wall down. “Yeah, her.”

“No, Matt, it’s not her. It’s not. But that doesn’t matter!” she hurried when he made to interrupt. “I think you should go with her. I really do. Even if it’s to be sure, or to change your mind, but you should deal with this, right? With the elephant in the room. In our room.”

She accepted his hug, his kiss, even hugged him back, but then she pulled back.

“You go with her. Ok? As soon as you’re better, you go with her, and do whatever you need to do.”

“Why are you crying?” he asked and she smiled as the tears rolled down.

“I’m allowed to cry, I think. I’m sending you away with another woman. And I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna come back. So yeah. I’m crying.”

“I’m not going away.”

She pressed a kiss on his lips and sat up.

“Yes, you are.” Arranging her hair, she wiped her face and got up. “Bye, Matt.”

He called her name, called her back, but she walked away, out of the door, out of his apartment, out of the building, into a cab, away from him and he lied there, thinking about everything she said, everything she was right about.

Maybe this was the answer. Maybe he should go wherever with Elektra. If he wanted to stay, to be with her, to live the life he thought he could only live by her side, this was the moment to find out. And if not, if he really wanted to be Matt Murdock, lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen, working to help the people of his neighborhood, that needed his help, with his best friend, wearing a suit and a tie, he would come back, back to all of this. Back to her.

The only question is, would she be here, waiting for him? Would the world stop around her, would she stop being herself, good, amazing, Karen, would everyone else become blind to this woman, the best woman, and just leave the path free for him? Would she not meet another man, one that recognized the chance he had right in front of him, one that would not jump at the chance to be with Karen Page?

Very, very unlikely.

He fell asleep eventually, and woke up to a hand, a finger twirling a short lock of his hair around itself.

“Hello, Matthew.”

#karedevil #kasredevil fic #karedevil ff #karedevil angst #drabble #karedevil drabble #Matt and Karen #Karen and Matt #Hell's Kitchen Chronicles

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