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nine-of-diamonds · 4 months

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A List of References in Keep Your Enemies Close (Wait, Not That Close)

Since it’s somehow been a year since I posted KYEC (to the warmest reception I’ve ever gotten from a fic!! Seriously y’all are the best—I can’t believe I’m still getting comments a year after publication), I compiled a complete (as far as I can remember, at least) list of all of the references (with a few explanations about my writing choices) within the fic for funsies (and also bc I put Way Too Much effort into melding all of these elements together and wanted a full list of all the things I put together that were not intended to be put together lmao)

Oh, and if it wasn’t obvious… spoilers for the fic lol — if you haven't read it but are interested in what the heck I'm talking about, it's here on ao3!

(I’m just calling every segment separated by a line break a scene even though some of them aren’t reallyyy an actual scene for the sake of clarity)

Scene 1:

One line in and I’ve already name-dropped the Watchers: not much to say about them at this point since it’s pretty much the usual “godly beings that resemble indigo biblically-accurate angels that watch people.” All I really added here was the threads of Fate mention that’ll become relevant later

Scene 3:

Grian-proof vault: this one’s a double reference! The obvious one is from Season 9 (Grian’s ep 10) where Mumbo challenges Grian to get into his vault without breaking blocks and it turns out to be a decoy vault, but the second one is from Season 6 (Grian ep 100), where Grian, Bdubs, and Iskall (as the Dragon Bros) break into Mumbo’s vault to induct him into the cult club by guessing the code to be 1-2-3-4 (the “I didn’t plan for someone to come in and start jamming codes in” and KYEC!Grian’s response, “It was the second thing I tried” are reworded from their follow-up convo about it in the next episode)

KYEC!Grian’s stolen diamonds: okay I’m pretty sure this Season 6 arc started in Grian’s ep 73, where he mentions for the first time that his diamonds have “mysteriously gone missing” — KYEC!Grian’s got the same problem, only most of his diamonds are accidentally stolen and are causing more problems than economic deficits lol → we’ll get to the completion of this arc wayyy later, but this was the very first plot point to fall into place for this fic

Detective Grian: going even farther back into Season 6, we have the Sherlock Grian arc (begins in Grian’s ep 56) — once again, we’ll get back to this one

Fun fact: the moment where KYEC!Grian’s “skin prickled with the distinct sensation that someone was watching, waiting for him to do something” was meant to be foreshadowing that would become obvious at the end bc I originally planned to have KYEC!Grian’s time traveling be onscreen — that scene was meant to show Future Grian traveling to the past to steal his diamonds, but getting the timing slightly off so he was still in the apartment when this convo takes place, and is therefore the mysterious watcher mentioned here; I didn’t end up writing out that scene, though so now it just looks like another surface level Watcher reference

Scene 4:

KYEC!Grian’s powers: the wings don’t require explanation but here’s my rationale for the “perspective-shifting” (which, lemme tell you was cool in theory but SO annoying to figure out what to call/describe) → it’s basically just being able to go into F5 mode (the range limit for him is basically that he can move what I’ll call his mental camera to any point provided that at all times, his body is visible to the mental camera from some angle, i.e. he can’t see into the next room if there are no doors/windows but he can see around corners and objects); this power’s another Watcher parallel but also a contrast to Scar’s in that it’s good for revealing “the truth” while Scar’s power is deceptive in nature

Scene 5:

Hotguy!: fun fact, I actually started writing this fic before I knew about Scar’s Hotguy persona (I was grievously behind on Season 9 when I started this fic in mid 2022) so KYEC!Scar’s original hero name was Goodfellow and he used a staff, not a bow — but obviously, I swapped it to fit the Hotguy we all know and love (and for the sake of keeping track of episode references, I’m naming Scar’s Season 9 ep 5 as the first Hotguy mention in canon, don’t @ me if I’m wrong lol)

KYEC!Scar’s powers: alright, here’s a lil secret, there’s actually smth going on with his bow that never gets brought up in this fic and that I will be keeping secret bc I may or may have smth in the works. I can, however, talk about his illusions! While KYEC!Grian’s power lets him change how he sees things, KYEC!Scar’s lets him change what other people see. The illusions are also a nod at Scar’s terraforming + building skills since he can create intricate landscapes

Xelqua (as KYEC!Grian’s villain name): other ideas for KYEC!Grian’s villain name included Poultry Man + Watcher but I settled on Xelqua since it’s commonly associated with Watcher!Grian but feels more like a name than just plain Watcher, and then afterwards, I developed the actual Xelqua lore

Xelqua (the lore one): obviously we have the nod at our tried and tested fanon “he was only meant to watch” but the mention of him “engineer[ing] countless games… with gods and men alike” is a blink and you’ll miss it Life series reference (I suppose it could also be a reference any of Grian’s other minigames but the Life series was what I had in mind lol) → also, the whole “Ultimately, the Watchers located Xelqua after he succumbed to his nature and began stirring up trouble again” bit of lore was just me riffing off that fable about the frog and the scorpion, which traumatized me as a kid and therefore lives in my brain rent-free

Scene 6:

Harmless pranks: rapidfire references, let’s go! “a bit of ‘misplaced copper’” = Mumbo’s copper “lagging” into Grian’s inventory (Grian Season 8 ep 13), “a few disappearing doors” = Grian being a chronic door thief (...pretty much all of Season 7), “a few chests filled with eggs” = Grian + his quest to clog up his messaging system with Mumbo (Grian Season 6 ep 22 + many, many more instances)

Scene 7:

Roofed forest: very, very random but I did write this scene with Scar’s first Third Life episode in the background and was imagining the roofed forest he and Grian decimated as the scene he projects here

Also, I need you to know this fight scene was fully rewritten at least four times ;-;

Scene 9:

Mumbo unlocking Grian’s handcuffs: this wasn’t a reference when I wrote the fic but now it’s a reference to the Mumbo side fic I wrote for this au that writes out this scene

Scene 11:

KYEC!Grian’s comment: “I was broke and in need of a flatmate so he could’ve been an arsonist for all I cared, as long as he didn’t touch my stuff” → can I just cite all of the Life series here

Okay, I SWEAR the line, “You watch, Mumbo, I’ll be so subtle that you’ll forget I’m a supervillain” was based on an actual Grian line (or several) that start the same way but I can’t remember where it’s from

Scene 13:

More stolen diamonds: here’s the unofficial start of the Jangler plot lol — the moment this fic’s foundation really “clicked” for me was when I noticed mysterious diamond thievery appeared in both the time travel arc and the Jangler arc, and I was like “I can work with that”

Jellie: I want you to know the staging of this scene was specifically so I could have a reversal of the “villain stroking a cat while scheming” trope where Scar is a) wanting to do a good deed not a villainous one and b) basically getting a plan fed to him

Scene 14:

Okay pretty much this scene’s basically the transcribed version of a scene from Grian’s Season 6 ep 56 lmao but ig I’ll just talk more about how I thought to include the Jangler plot in the first place; originally, the premise of this fic was adapted from an abandoned non-MCYT fic draft I had floating around in my WIP folder, where the two characters were university dormmates who were unknowingly also vigilante partners + there was a whole Miraculous Ladybug style love square going on (on second thought, I was basically just making MLB with vigilantes lmao). When I got the idea to adapt it to a Desert Duo-centric superhero trying to catch supervillain fic, I wanted to make it platonic since most of the superhero aus I’ve read for the pair are romantic and I wanted to do smth different — the problem was that getting rid of the romance also got rid of a lot of the tension between the characters, so I needed smth to replace it — hence the detective/Jangler dynamic being included to make sure both characters were actively hiding a secret from the other at all times

Scene 16:

This is probably a little obvious on second read but I did leave a comment to myself on one of my draft docs pointing out that KYEC!Scar decided to continue going out as the Jangler (even though he’d already technically fulfilled the returning diamonds thing he’d invented the persona for) because he overheard Grian talking about how he’d prefer to have more to work on + would get money from it

Scene 18:

Attempted murder: back on the Season 6 reference train we go! This is from Grian’s ep 12 where he pranks an AFK Jevin by putting him on a flying machine and the game glitches and sends Jevin falling to his death

Scene 20:

The foreshadowing here is very obvious but this scene was a last minute addition I did not plan to include but was compelled to write bc I needed something to lighten the mood a bit since it was getting too serious and also bc I wanted to include the “sweet job” pun. Yes, I know it’s terrible. Yes, I laugh at it every time.

Scene 21 + 22:

Cookie trail: here’s another “mostly transcribed” scene from Grian’s Season 6 ep 57 — I ran into a little problem logistically since flying isn’t the norm in this world but is in Hermitcraft, so I had to shove in the whole “flying machine to reach the top of the cookie” thing lmao

KYEC!Stress: she does not make an appearance but I gave her ice powers bc of her ice castle base in Season 6

Scene 24:

This entire scene is just Desert Duo dancing around each other trying to keep their secret identities secret but KYEC!Scar’s comment, “I always forget what information’s public” is a bit of irony that made me laugh while writing bc it comes straight after he accidentally reveals he knows where the cookie was

Scene 25–28:

Hitman after KYEC!Grian: yep this goes back to Grian’s Season 6 ep 14 where Jevin puts out a hit on Grian after the AFK prank that Iskall tries to carry out

Grian’s trap: this is obviously just the trap for Iskall that Grian makes to stop him but I would like you to know that I went back to the episode to count the number of pistons used to make sure it lined up lmao

Scene 28 is also basically just a very dramatic version of the chase scene in this episode with some Watcher paranoia for spice

Scene 30–31:

Time machine: time to circle all the way back around to this plot lol — I didn’t think it made sense for KYEC!Grian to build a time machine himself during all of this but he still gets access to one in the end thanks to Mumbo. Grian’s Season 6 ep 79 has him go back in time to stop his diamonds from being stolen, only to realize he’s the one who stole them in the first place, and I thought it was a fitting way to end the fic after all the diamond stealing shenanigans

And hey, that's it! That list totally didn't take me like two hours to write up and find the episodes for! No wonder I had to restructure this fic like seven times when writing it!

Anyway, if you read this far, thanks for indulging my madness :) And to anyone who's engaged with any of my fics, thank you thank you thank you for every hit, kudos, comment, and bookmark!

#fanfic writing #ao3 #KYEC #hermitcraft fic #wow this list is longer than anticipated #okay then #i had to dig through all my notes and draft docs for this #it was an experience

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golbrocklovely · 1 year

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i was curious as to what (possibly) the occultist saw in snc's future, especially for the next six months. so, i did my own tarot card reading.

honestly, i thought my reading would be nice and pleasant or would just basically show something entirely different but…. oh boy, the guys are in for it. but idk if it's demon related.

disclaimer: obviously idk what the occultist said to snc, minus the tiny fragment they shared on twitter. so, idk how close to her reading i am. also if you are someone that doesn't believe in tarot reading, or thinks that this is all bs, or that i shouldn't be doing one on snc bc they didn't agree to it, or maybe you don't want me to do a reading in the case that it ends up being bad for them - i get it. you're valid to think that. that being said, don't read this then. this is for pure entertainmet purposes only. take everything i say with a grain of salt. i don't claim to be right, i'm just telling you what the cards are telling me. i'm an extreme novice just having fun.

okay, this is definitely gonna be a long one, so strap in lol

i think for this reading, i'm gonna give the briefest descriptions of the cards, bc i feel like that's why these readings, while i'm writing them, feel super long and just genuinely are. that means that if a card is in reverse, i'm just going to explain it as it means reversed, not what it means upright along with reversed.

as i've stated in many readings before, i use this website and some books that i own on tarot to get a better understand of the cards since i'm not super memorized on them. obviously someone might read these cards a slightly different way, so if you are someone that does do tarot readings, feel free to send in how you interpret these cards !

okay, so the first question i asked was "what are the next six months of snc's lives gonna look like?" the reason for that specific of a question is bc in their tweet they talked about the occultist seeing the next six months being filled with sadness and heartache for them. so i wanted to hone in on that specific time period and see what was coming at them.

now, i'll be honest. highkey i thought i wasn't gonna get anything remotely negative. maybe a hiccup or two, but nothing quite like what i got. again, i'm gonna give the briefest of run downs on the cards so i suggest doing more research if you are interested.

i ended up getting eleven cards. the first one was 8 of pentacles. this card means putting a lot of hard work and focus into the next period of your life. but this doesn't mean it in a negative, just more that you have to buckle down and get things done.

the second card was the 9 of pentacles reversed. this card means financial issues. even tho you should be in a spot where you can relax financially, you can't for whatever reason. one of the interesting things that the site said was that this could also be showing a lack of work/life balance, which… let's be honest, snc don't have.

the third card was the 8 of swords. this card is overall a warning to not make important decisions right now. basically, you're in a situation that you can't change or feel helpless in. it can also mean that the fate or god you handed over control to isn't "helping" you like you think it should be.

the fourth card was the ace of cups. this is a new beginning card, like all aces. and it's about letting go of emotional baggage and starting fresh. this card is usually a sign of overcoming an emotional loss or something major that hurt you deeply.

the fifth card was the ace of swords reversed. this is yet another card saying not to make any major or hasty decisions. your thoughts are confused and unsure, and your lack of clarity isn't a good time to make decisions with. this is also a call to try and be rational when you do anything.

the sixth card was 10 of swords reversed. this card is interesting bc it appeared in their friendship reading. this is about defeat, but in it's finality. basically, you've hit rock bottom, but now realize that since you are there, there is no where else to go but up.

the seventh card was the queen of cups reversed. this is showing a lack of emotional sync. and bc your emotions are out of whack, you shouldn't trust them bc you might overreact. this is also a time of high stress.

the eighth card was the 7 of wands reversed. this about feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities. this card can also mean that you feel like you are being judged and being compared too much to others, which is adding on to the stress you feel.

the ninth card was the ace of pentacles reversed. another sign of financial loss. this is a hella warning to not take risks or make rushed decisions.

the tenth card was the queen of swords reversed. this card means that you are thinking too much with your heart/emotions and that this is a time for you to be objective. this also heeds the warning that while you might want to isolate, this could be taken the wrong way with by others so to be open.

and the last card was the magician, and omg i can't believe how weirdly important this card is (and i'll explain why). so this card is telling you to tap into your full potential and that great change is coming. new things are coming your way.

so…. what does all of this mean?

snc, assuming that nothing changes and everything plays out like this is entailing, they are going to go thru a major financial loss - or at least have the possibility of doing so. they are going to be overworked, stressed out, emotionally in the shitter, and losing money for one reason or another. there might be a time or two where things will look better, but it can and might go back to being bad. the magician card, however, at least shows a light at the end of the tunnel. that while the months might be shit, as long as they keep persevering, they will overcome the problems they faced.

according to snc, the occultist claimed that something negative was attached to them. and what is very interesting is while i was writing this, snc posted a video on xplrclub with the occultist. i won't give too much away, but the one thing that stuck out was that she said at the very end "it's time for you guys to become magicians now." which…… highkey made me almost shit myself bc clearly she also saw this card in their future lol

my personal feeling is that snc don't technically have an attachment, like a demon or something. but i do think a negative cloud could be hanging over them and is just draining them. and bc of this, it will lead to some possible in-fighting between them. this negative energy might also want to see them fail or see them get into a negative spot in their life bc obviously it will be fed better off of that energy.

so i also did some follow up questions to this initial one. the next reading i did, i asked "what do snc need to know", assuming i could tell them or give them any message.

the first card was the world reversed. this is showing an emptiness towards your successes, being unfulfilled despite financial comfort, and even tho you accomplished a bunch you still don't feel like you have.

the second card - the page of wands. have courage, you have a lot of drive so go out there and show the world it.

the third card - the queen of wands reversed. this is showing a lack of motivation in a career or a lot of obstacles at work. this is telling you to not let these things stop you.

the fourth card - 2 of wands. keep moving forward with your plans. keep progressing.

the fifth card - ace of cups reversed. in the first reading, we had this upright and now it's reversed. this is about something that was once bringing you joy no longer doing so, a lack of creativity. just an overall loss of some sort, a showing of emotional instability.

the six card - the queen of swords reversed. this card came up before so it was interesting seeing it again.

the final card was the ace of pentacles reversed. and again, this card was also in the previous reading.

i think what the cards are telling me (to tell snc, i guess) is that what they need to do is a) not take any financial risks bc it's not gonna end well for them (or at least be very aware of what they are doing/make a list of pros and cons when they plan to make a major deal), b) try their best to keep their emotions in check bc the amount of stress they are going to be under (or are currently putting on themselves) is going to cause them to lose it emotionally or go thru a lot of pain, and c) …they might want to consider taking a break. i know, shocking to ask those two to chill the fuck out in any way, shape, or form. but i think it might be for the best. while i think it's great they want to shoot for the stars, they might be aiming too high. or they are giving themselves too much to worry about when there is enough on their plate. you do not have to reinvent the wheel, especially when you have as loyal of a fanbase as snc does.

or, crazy concept, if you plan to do all this crazy shit, you NEED to rely on other ppl as well. it can't just be the two of you. you both can't do everything all at once. you're not gonna make it, and it's gonna put a strain on your mental health and your friendship.

i don't see snc breaking up, or anything like that. but i could possibly see one of them (my guess colby… sorry) needing a break of some sort half way into the year. or at least a couple months in with the amount of things the boys seem to want to get done this year. and i can see that possibly either affecting their friendship and or their business bc you can't have one without the other. this isn't a one man show.

i think this is also telling them that they might want to consider changing things up, especially if they start to feel bored with the content they are making. this could also mean possibly going solo or doing content outside of one another. now, i know they kinda teased about going back to abandoned videos. my things is, i love them dearly, and i loved those videos. but did you pay attention to how i worded it?? LOVED, not love. that content is in past for a reason. while i understand it's a fan favorite, maybe they shouldn't go back to it. realistically, even if they do, it ain't gonna be the same as it once was. also, sorry, but yall are old lol you're 26 years old. i don't want to see almost 30 year old men breaking and entering. especially previously convicted ones. like, nothing about that screams content to me. i know they would most likely find a legal way of doing abandoned places, but the charm of xplr was the fact that everything was little bit dangerous, a little bit risky. so taking those elements out kinda defeats the whole point in doing abandoned videos. not fully, of course, but a huge amount of the overall vibe just won't be there in that content.

i also asked some follow up yes/no questions, and i do find it interesting what cards kept appearing. now depending on what info you read up on asking yes or no questions - some say each of the major arcana cards have a yes or no meaning. but the way i do it is whether the cards are in upright or reversal - upright being yes, reversed being no.

i asked if they had attachments, it said yes. that's not a shocker really. i asked if this year was gonna be good for them and it gave an immediate no (like the card jumped out when i asked) and then i asked again and another no came out. so… that kinda sucks, but that can also change bc i did ask are there things snc can do to change this outcome and it said yes three times. one of those cards was the magician card too.

i then asked is their financial situation or job in trouble and it gave me a yes and no. and that to me tells me that while they might have problems with their finances (clearly as both readings said) i don't think they are in any major jeopardy. i then asked if their friendship was in trouble… and it said yes. now, while that is concerning, it doesn't seem like snc are gonna break up to me. they might take a break, maybe even go off and do other things outside of each other (which is something i talked about in their previous reading here) but i don't see them just completely cutting each other out of one another's life. and bc, again, things can change.

if they actually take breaks, rely on others for help, change up the content if and when they start to feel bored, and emotionally center themselves - they're gonna be okay. they might loose some money, but they'll be alright.

the magician card appeared a lot when i asked questions about them and i think that's the prime thing with snc - they are very headstrong. they go out and get what they want. their friendship motivates one another to keep going, and i think that passion for both life and the careers they have is gonna keep them going as long as they stay confident in one another and their abilities. but they also need to be able to have an open conversation with one another before things hit a wall.

also please take a fucking break when you need one. and i don't mean go walk around the block and come back, i mean like a week off or something. if you mentally aren't there, you're gonna lose it eventually.

#sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #snc tarot #personal #text

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daydadahlias · 3 months

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3, 12, 19, & 23 for the 2023 fic ask game? -megs 💙

hi Megs thanks sm for asking !!

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

well I guess I theoretically already knew this but I further learned how much I loveee writing chaptered stories. Every time I write a chaptered story and get to spend so much time with the characters I'm like "ugh!! why don't I write more of these!!" and the answer is just that they take so much time but they're soo much fun for me :)

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

there were a couple fics for me that were really hard and the answer is No, I did not finish them and I am working on them right now to hopefully post them this year instead of last. Of the fics that I actually posted, my 70s AU Honeysuckle was the most difficult but that was because I had someone proof read it and they pretty blatantly told me it sucked dfghjk so I had a really hard time getting out of my head enough to edit it and share it because of how insecure I was about the fic <3 but that one I did finish !! and I did end up posting !! and I'm still <3 insecure about it <3 but that's life lol

19. Share your favorite opening line

OOO FUN QUESTION !! I actually worked pretty hard this year on having good opening lines so I really like all of them :) I learned some really great advice about how all opening lines should have "curiosity + clarity." which sounds contradicting but, through an opening line, you should give your reader something they can hold onto and something they can be curious about. and one of the opening lines I like the most that does that is the opening of John Dough:

The deadline for the book is in three months and Luke is still a virgin.

the reason is bc now the reader has the clarity of "ok there's a deadline for a book" and you also get the clarity of the character of Luke and also that he's a virgin lol but THEN you have the curiosity of "okay so how do these two things coincide??" and I think that's fun :)

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

this is a pretty hard question because I don't really think about my writing like that?? like in such small details. I more Struggle with overall scenes not so much line-by-line details. and most of the Tiny Paragraph-level things that I struggle w/ are smut related but I don't want to go into detail about that bc I don't think people would be super comfortable with that haha. I think I'll say that I really struggled w/ the ending of my chaptered fic because, y'know, this monster is 220k, how are you supposed to wrap that all up?? so here's the final paragraph of the fic:

He thinks of every piece of their lives they stitched into each other, that they gave over and won’t ever give back, that they hold onto just for the sake of keeping. Every piece of Ashton that was built from a scorching small-town sun shining on soft skin until it burned that he’s slowly given over to Calum, piece by piece, that Calum has given right back, parts of themselves they traded like trinkets and kind words. Every bit of him that he chose to let bloom into someone new in Calum’s palms like a Magnolia out of Mississippi mud.

and to be totally honest I do think it's a little too Overstated so if I went back and rewrote it, I'd make it a little more subtle sdfghj I'd probably cut these sentences down a bit and cool it w/ all the alliteration. you can DEF tell I was in a poetry class at the time.

#gOOD QUESTION CHOICES MEGS!!!!!!#megs #pigeon #i luved answering these thank u :)

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ghost-town-story · 5 months

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Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now

So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.

Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)

So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.

A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:

A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D

Alright, les go

And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*

At least the wine is good lol

Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"

I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward

Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?

Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh

Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah

Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it

One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao

Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)

Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????

James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him

Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name

Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol

RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself

Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!

Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol

babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao

James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with

“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????

this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans

Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment

Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot

AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE

okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)

and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions

yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it

thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"

I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah

Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol

you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!

Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao

For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!

Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)

Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol

Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????

Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)

Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet

Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3

And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21

I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol

Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!

Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol

I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.

Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness

And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")

Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)

OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL

also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits

oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*

Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude

also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)

heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz

This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.

Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol

And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well

oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this

Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like

Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.

goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably

also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo

James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp

I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!

Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic

Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through

"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden

Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man

"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol

Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)

and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs

“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!

Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet

It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.

THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!

so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break

Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol

they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)

Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P

also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!

meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol

Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from

James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)

90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works

seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol

and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)

absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral

ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol

I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol

Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol

There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"

oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol

okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)

okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?

Whump time!!

ah yes, overprotective James

yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh

whump whump!!

ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"

babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)

"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child

okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!

lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably

Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight

but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.

oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married

Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice

and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.

also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now

Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*

and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol

whump and trauma time!!

damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old

that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3

yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)

another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?

James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now

okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol

Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol

Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol

Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys

Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!

goddamn nerds lol

Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec

"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)

Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship

lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname

Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol

Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol

Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!

and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way

Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit

i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi

“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao

welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably

hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me

You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me

That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)

yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol

anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!

oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!

poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet

god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment

Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs

I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"

more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww

"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol

Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit

sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol

And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol

James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol

oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD

and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh

they are both such stubborn bastards omg

yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P

Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P

yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are

oh those nerds

so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!

oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?

good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways

anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol

So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️

#writing #shitposting #specifically:#shitposting.#cofas #ramble ramble

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folklauerate · 1 year

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Hey, just read your response about an ask regarding the infidelity AU. I was one of the people who wanted to see all 3 POVs - not for the smut, though. I mean, I love Kanthony smut as much as the next person but I was mostly intrigued to see how two people who value duty above all else and usually claim to have a moral high ground in most situations fight with their feelings and how they lose their fight. I'm only speaking for myself, but I have seen this sentiment reflected in most readers, the reason I read fanfiction is because I couldn't get enough of Kate and Anthony on the show, they had the kind of explosive chemistry I've rarely seen before and there were so many elements of the show that I wanted to change and I found that a lot of fic writers agreed and wrote amazing fics doing just that. Sorry, I digress - the point being, in most fics, I'm majorly interested in Kate or Anthony's POV. They're the characters I'm interested in reading about. Their journeys are what I get invested in. I know Tom and the Bridgersibs are great, and I love it when they're used to further the plot. But I haven't been able to bring myself to read any story that doesn't focus on Kanthony and only read other ship stories to support writers whose work I admire. I don't lie in bed thinking about how those characters would react in a specific situation in that particular AU but I sometimes write thesis in my head about how, say, King Anthony would react when Kate has to give up her acting career, or how All's well Anthony would do something, or how LDB Anthony looks like as a committed boyfriend. Anthony, in particular, is such a complicated and fascinatingly flawed character who follows his own rules and code of conduct that I was interested to see how he would deal with finding his soul mate who is already in a committed relationship. I know the fic was a character study and it's focus was Tom but I just kept thinking about Kanthony the whole time and I think it speaks to your ability as a writer that I was doing that and feeling conflicted about wanting a HEA. I apologize if it made you feel skittish. That was not my intention, I just have bad brain rot with these two. Tysm for sharing your work, I appreciate the time and effort you put into it :) and sorry for this longass essay lol

First of all, thanks for taking the time to leave such a really sweet message and explainer :,) I’m with you in wanting a more in-depth look at Kathony that the show didn’t really provide, and wanting more of that chemistry and tension. They’re really fascinating and flawed and fun characters for a reason! So I’m totally with you there.

Honestly, I really did not mean to imply that everyone asking for a follow-up was doing so for the same motivations, and I do regret saying that bc I don’t want to offend everyone. And I know you’re a longtime reader and so so sweet and definitely don’t want you to have implied I thought poorly of you or anyone and I think I accidentally did 😭 all to say; I appreciate your message and I hate that I did make you feel like you needed to explain yourself and also I’ll just need to be more careful moving forward haha. Thank you for being so sweet and supportive always, I really do appreciate it. And thank you for taking the time to send this ask because you definitely didn’t have to and I think it’s very kind of you to take the time to respond anyways.

I’m sort of leaning towards finishing the Kate POV oneshot up now, since there seem to be a lot of unanswered questions and about their motivations, and it might be more satisfying for everyone who read it to get that perspective! Like just because I have an idea of what happened doesn’t mean everyone has arrived to those conclusions too and there’s other background that the reader couldn’t know about, so I’ll prioritize finishing it, and hopefully it’ll provide some clarity for everyone :)

Just want to add that I am honored to even be mentioned in the same breath as Jo and Amanda’s iterations of Anthony and their fics :,) I feel lucky to call them friends and their work really is commendable. I’m also very lucky to know you, so thanks so much for being so sweet and taking the time to send this, and I’m really my own ramblings to that initial ask came across so insensitively 😭 that isn’t my intention at all and I feel so immensely, massively lucky to have a community of really nice people who read my fic (I’ve only gotten a handful for hate comments, thank goodness), and I feel very grateful for that! Thanks for being here, friend 🤍

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luciehercndale · 9 months

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hey there! realising, long story short, that i really need to get into creating art as a way to regain my sense of autonomy and get into motion the habits leading to the mental health benefits down the line. but i'm honestly so stuck, even creating graphics for my profile here on this site seems like so much effort that I feel like it'd be more of a task (and the minute I start thinking of something like that I go into Fawn Mode and lose all creative ability) rather than something fun to do. i've got a million fragmented ideas of things i think would be fun to do in theory, but in practice whenever i remember the real world and its demands i immediately go numb and lose interest and it's just hard to connect with my creative side.

just reaching out because you are so brilliantly artistic and i can tell that everything you put out is such an expression of who you are. and i also know you're very open to the 'what is good for my brain' conversations. so if you have the bandwidth to give advice/suggestions can you think of any low-demand/low-effort ways to reconnect with my creative side and build my confidence to feel safe to express myself (i know it's in there somewhere!) are there any things you've found you can still do when you have limited spoons? or are feeling too tense or tired to think properly? tysm xx

hi!!! I'm glad you reached out to me because I love giving creative advice <3 creative block often happens to me too and sometimes I can't really help it and that's okay. Sometimes we need to recharge in order to feel creative again. If you're looking for a creativity boost that works for writing and editing pictures, I try to look at Pinterest for inspiration. I usually start with a word that maybe stuck in my brain or simply something I like (like purple for example) and it's a chain from there lol more images pop up and I add the ones that speak the most to me to a board (like an aesthetic board). Or I start from a song that stuck in my head and won't leave me. What I can do about it? What does inspire me? Bc sometimes there is a story behind that! Another way is to try to write freely too and without thinking about punctuation or grammar. Stream of consciousness-like. Just write about what comes to your mind after choosing a picture you really like or a concept or starting from a song you like. But this last bit may not work all the time because if you feel stuck, it feels like you can't bring anything outside of your brain on to the page.

Since you love to read, I would also suggest two books. The first is "Drawing with the right side of the brain" by Betty Edwards and "The artists' way: a spiritual path to higher creativity" by Julia Cameron.

The first one is more about drawing but I think it can also apply to writing as well because the author explains how the sides of the brain work and how you can "unlock" your right side to visualize what you wish to create on paper with more clarity. She is convinced that even the most talented people sometimes use the left side more and this hinders their creations and doesn't help to unlock their full potential. I think you might love this since you like neuroscience :)

The second book by Julia Cameron could also be helpful because it's like a weekly course and every week she asks you to do some tasks in order to slowly reconnect with your creativity from inside of you. I still haven't read this but someone said it wasn't bad especially if you are trying to find yourself and your muse.

I hope these help 😀

#posta

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castle-dominion · 8 months

Text

castle 6x16 room 147

the cult hypnosis episode liveblog

(side note I can't believe they didn't have dever & huertas-- heck I would have loved the OTHER dever to do an audio commentary. The castle's dad one had the audio instead which, like, valid ig.) Anyway I'm on a new dvd now, which is why I am complaining about the lack of (my preferred) bonus features.

Not QUITE the same mess lol

KABOOM I loove alexis sm <3 <3

Oof I'm quitting my job to go to school I can't imagine having a job & a non-job & a tutoring gig & paying a lease & holy crap I am so privileged

Yay calling him Sito.

were not was

Jane: He didn’t have to. Good looking guy, no bags, checking in for one night?

that's a flip phone... Plenty of people have their own website. too bad the guy doesn't have imbd tho

random lady yelling.

Love esposito's outfit! so chill!

You never get a confession this early in an ep. u KNOW smth's going to go down. Is there going to be another one really fast like this where they solve it hella fast & after the third murder with an instant confession they get suspicious?

Ah she has an alibi! Is she confessing to cover for someone else?

Love the doodle. Maybe it was a code to whoever is going to read her confession I love the flashbacks. While I'm here, the door opened on the left, attached on the right. I don't think it was like that in the crime scene. wdym you don't think so?

someone is making her confess to their crime that's why this stuff is happening.

Yeah that's how addiction is alright.

I loooove how she doesn't remember! Anita Miller: No, from me!

RC: What about forensics? Did CSU come up with anything? JE: Yeah, a hotel room in New York City? (he shudders) They found all kinds of fun stuff. (not clipping)

Clipping the theory part. unless there was a tall/cext to the phone you don't have!

Doc holloway's back!!!!

Ryan & me: Two weeks? Wait a minute, that’s how long Anita says she’s been feeling blurry.

RC: As much as I love a good mystery, a small part is hoping he can give us some clarity on what the hell is going on.

idk why I find the "ask for help" poster with the guy crying in their hands so humerous. Maybe bc it reminds me of the cotton eyed joe meme I made. Me: *just commit autosurgery trying to cut off my own breast* My surgical tape: *won't stick* Me: *crying* my adhd: IF IT WEREN'T FOR COTTON EYED JOE I'D BE MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO

Love background artists.

I need details.

I love love love the way it goes with the filming. POV filming. (markiplier moments, girl hand, man hand, we also need a black guy. Like that aone scene where you have three hands at some point bc you're picking up the artifact, swapping the teddy bear, holding his nose so he doesn't sneeze, & every single movement is a different person's hand. for Diversity. We need a left-handed person now tho.

Because he did what to you? aiy dee kay. Love the music sm KB, explaining like bonvolio: Yeah, you and Anita Miller are working together on this. You’re either covering for each other or you’re covering for someone else out there.

love how there are two interrogation rooms. She's very adamant that she did this. Why not take the out? "So I didn't kill him? I'm hella confused after all..."

Get doc holloway back here. RC: What if their lives intersect, just not in such a literal sense? Me, just participating in the fictional canadian character poll: ramona flowers? powers? renata? Hold on... scott pilgrim dreams is what I'm saying.

RC: (dryly) Really? Alternate universe? That’s how little you think of me? RC in a future episode: *goes to an au where lanie is preggo & rysposito is canon. unless that was just a fanfic i read...)

I love her ring KB: (off is look) I’m sorry, it’s just, you got excited. It’s kind of cute. RC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how I like the weird stuff. Me: SEASON ONE

WHAT'S nothing? on your phone there?

I LOVE this kid, this absolute child. radar oreilly vibes off him, esp with castle's psychic link theoryu.

OUTSTANDING! LOVE THE WORDS! consistency bc of slaughter! "I need to confess!" 'take a number'

"She remembers bc she thought it looked suspicious" that's the only reason someone WOULD remember! & the only reason they'd take a pic.

a big bald man!

It's just a doodle. It is a celtic knot holy trinity sign, no? the van you've been disoriented. How long have you had that symbol in your head? KB: this is important! Dwight: *I killed a guy but fuck ok bestie*

Assertiveness training I love this tranny sm. He needs to get on testosterone.

Sometimes THEY scrub footage, sometimes it's the detectives...

her phone again. what is even going on with that?

I love it. love the way she picks up her jacket, the boys, she's coming back to work this late at night in an hour... I love these folks this family their dynamics their movements & body language I thouht it was jim not alexis. Peter's cafe/bistro

Her face. she is rolling her eyes & I love alexis & I love her bangs & I love alexis & the alexis-kate relationship kjsdflkjkldjfsd It IS pride! Ooh music!!

Love those two cops smiling in the elevator. IT implies that there was a conversation in there that we missed.

Me: native Esposito: also technically native EHI: *kills ppl in their "sweat lodge initiation"*

lmao SO culty he talks so slow. Need to speed this up. good gravy. Ooh I only just noticed her eyeliner. love it.

this place reminds me of japan. Why is he expecting? Oh maybe bc he killed the guy! ooOOooh! SHUT THE DOOR SHUT THE DOOR BY WHICH I MEAN NO DON'T SHUT THE DOOR YOU'RE GOING TO BE TRAPPED THIS IS MY PARANOIA KICKING IN.

Love the art of himself on the walls. Where is that? Sweden? years????

Bauer: I’m struck by the level of your hostility, Detective. It’s not healthy. RC: You know what I’m struck by is your total lack of curiosity as to why a homicide detective is asking about your employee. "little group" THOUSANDS of members across the globe! RC: Wow. That’s – amazing, how you would just know what off the top of your head. Bauer: I make a point of meeting every member of my EHI family. The people you mentioned are not among them. Me: thousands of members & you have met every one sure but u remember every one?

Bauer: *looks to the side offscreen* RC: *looks to the side too* *realizes* *rolls his eyes up* Me: I do the same thing when my brothers are standing behind me irl & annoying me so I whip around to face them...in minecraft

btw what is that glass thing on there?

grande poobah??? his what???

RC: So all three of our confessors have had problems in their lives. Alcoholism, anger management, assertiveness issues, all things that they could have gone to EHI to treat.

that's true! RC: Wipe memories. Think about it. The fogginess, the confusion over the last two weeks? KR: So you’re saying that a glorified self-help group can erase memories? How? Doc H: With drugs.

Me: *seen the s7 premier* Memories actually change all the time. Outstanding! Love the words! KR: Castle, do you have any idea how insane that sounds? I would clip that but meh RC: Just not in person. Me: Not your psychic theory again!

"Ok he did NOT flirt with me" (why does the woman's vers need to be flirty tho? /gen q for EHS or w/e their name was)

Just letting them continue to argue lol

KB: Yes, a genius at annoying me. (not clipping) RC: Yes, a genius at annoying me. KB: (aside) I’m starting to feel the urge.

the door opens the wrong way THE DOOR OPENS THE WRONG WAY THEY MENTIONED IT RIGHT AFTER MEEEE (tho I have seen it too) wait all these rooms have the same painting? srs?

the way ryan says "su'm" instead of something, I looove it. kinda hate it tho.

CSU: Detective, I traced the signal from Bauer’s video conference with Beckett. JE: So where in Stockholm is he? CSU: That’s the thing. The signal was routed through Stockholm, but it looks like it originated from a local IP address. JE: Local, as in Manhattan? CSU: As in inside this building.

Love esposito's giant coats & layers & stuff.

that hand is slim, but pretty masculine. He smiles but idk if it is flirtatious. None of the suspects said that the bathroom door was open. Why do they know his name tho? Two versions, one for women & another for men? You don't have one for left-handed ppl or someone who maybe can't use or doesn't have their right hand, for Black ppl, for any poc, for ppl who are women but don't want to smile flirtatiously with justin, for fat ppl...

Someone from the crew, yeah you do need a bunch more ppl than just justin, the suspects, & the head of ehi.

At least she pronounced her T. Oof the music. it's so good.

Aw dwight never got to confess slkdjfslkdfjl these three have become friends & I love it sm. Friendship forged in a situation like this.

KB: It’s okay, Castle. You know I like the weird ones. Me: YES YES SJDLFSJKDFLSJDKLFJDS THIS IS THE SERIES

KB: (slyly) How do you know what I do to you when you’re sleeping?

Alexis!!!

#mom no look #castle 6x16 #castle 6x16 spoilers #castle 6x16 quote #the cult hypnosis episode

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togamicrying · 1 year

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honey you e got a big storm coming

35, 39, 47, 48, 51, 56, 83 hee hee

MAPLE.

35. A character who should’ve got more character development?

like. sooooo many of them lol. can i say the entire cast of v3? because honest to god that's my answer -- even my faves in v3 leave Something to be desired

beyond that, i actually think that thh and gbd do a really good job of stretching characters to their maximum narrative utility before killing them off, and i do feel like in both games the most narratively flexible ones are the ones who live. i think if i had to say anyone from those games it'd probably be leon or sayaka just because the way the free time events work in trigger happy havoc work mean they get like three events and then they die and you never get to know more lmfaoo (but even then i still don't think their characters are Lacking in the way that the v3 cast is for me. sorry for being a v3 hater lol)

39. Smartest murder plan?

komaeda's, obviously LMFAO. god every time i replay sdr2 chapter 5 im struck by it all over again. like they literally had to guess!! even with nanami revealing herself! even then! they still had to be like well. hope his luck actually worked out! king popped off and the entire trial is SO good for advancing the plot and tying off hinata's dynamics with BOTH komaeda and nanami! the moment of sickening clarity when hinata realizes that he DOES understand how komaeda's brain works, and knows what his intentions really were? nanami and hinata's final goodbye? uuuugh sdr2 chapter 5 i love youuuuu.

rest under the cut bc Long.

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

*pushes two million unfinished drafts of Togami Headcanons to the side* i am going to talk about komaru. i think she's a butch lesbian and every time she's depicted as feminine in fanart my soul dies a little even though butch komaru exists solely in my head. i also think she's really sporty, but i've talked about that elsewhere hehe.

ok i'll talk about togami a little bit. it's 100% projection but i think he's agender. not in a way where he like. actively thinks about it -- even at Full Self-Actualization i'm not sure if i ever see him actually realizing it and actively thinking about himself in that way -- but i just dont think he as any particular connection to being a *man* outside of how it plays into his attraction to other men/his family's expectations of producing heirs. like he just kind of is how he is and doesn't feel compelled to make any particular effort to present as masculine. i could make a joke here about his gender just being Togami, but genuinely i do think that rings true. he's not a boy or a girl but a secret third thing (byakuya togami™️) does this make sense. like. to anyone (<- projecting and insane) whatever. i think he would look nice in a floor length skirt.

48. Favourite OST?

i... usually play the games on silent :X legit i know like 3 songs including mr monokumas lesson. just tried to remember what beautiful days sounded like and the wii sports theme is what my brain supplied (<- embarrassed)

i WILL say that i think drv3 has the best opening track of any of the games. its so jazzy and fun hehe

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

mmm. hard to say, honestly? it's been so many years since i formed first impressions of the thh and gbd casts that i kind of dont even remember what i first thought of them? i have a lot of v3 characters who i thought i would like and wound up feeling kind of ehh about, but that's not the question lol

i think, Big Terrible Writing Choice aside, i was really surprised by how much i wound up actually *liking* korekiyo? like okay OBVIOUSLY they took his character in a terrible direction but before that when he's just like, a weird little freak? that ruled lol

in terms of characters that i've had full turnarounds in opinion over the course of 2012-2022? i remember not particularly liking/caring about kirigiri, sayaka, fukawa, souda, or gundam when i first read the playthroughs of their games, and now they're some of my favorites hehe. but that's less about me going *into* the games thinking i wouldnt like them -- because in both cases i went in completely blind -- and more about them growing on me like a fungus over successive playthroughs lol

56. Best free time events?

ok. take this with a grain of salt because i'm stalled out in my sdr2 replay rn so i haven't redone the free time events for that game in awhile/haven't done any v3 ftes besides maki's and ouma's because im a hater.

i think kirigiri has really good fte's. i love that she gets a little sillay in them and how subtle her progression from "why are you talking to me" to "i care deeply about you" is. i also really appreciate how the game cutting her off as an option for free time at certain points serves to make that progression feel really natural with the game's actual plot. love you miss kirigiri.

mondo's are really great as well, he's such a fun guy to interact with and him talking about wanting to be a carpenter and loving his stupid tiny dog and being too nervous to ask girls out all add such levity to his character and make it SO sad when he dies. like damn that biker gang leader trapped in a murder game really is just like. some guy in high school :-( i also loved that they brought him wanting to be a carpenter back in dr:s! made my heart soar uuuuugh i love you mondo, sorry i never ever talk about you

komaeda gets an honorable mention for his botched love confession. buddy you did So Bad.

83. Least favourite chapter?

[staring myself down in the mirror] i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on v3 this time i will not hate on--

chapter 4 of v3 was soooo boring guys. i hated the virtual world and idk if it was just me but the controls for it were just. nightmarish. whatever lets talk about the games i do like.

i also agree with @ovidiomedes about thh's c3 kind of dragging. it's one of my favorite trials, but the actual chapter is. really slow lol. i think part of that is due to the anticipation of chapters 4-6 which are some of my all time favorites across all three games, but i think it has larger narrative problems that contribute to that dragging feeling ://

#op #asks #THANK YOUUU MAPLE THIS WAS SO FUN

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cricketwrangler · 1 year

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Ok I've actually thought about that a lot though like. I think it affects most trans people actually, both because of the same reasons talked about (no term feels dignified in all settings). But also for obvious reasons trans people might have difficulty describing/hearing/being comfortable with language used to describe our bodies.

Like personally all of them make me cringe if referring to myself, but for the sake of clarity it's necessary sometimes. Even back qhen I talked to people on grindr for a bit, most asked what word(s) to use and like. All I could say was idrc.

Even with me and my boyfriend we don't know what to use and sometimes just say front, which is still awkward. And to any cis people we may be sexual with, they probabky wouldn't understand, and it would come off as more discomfort about our bodies than we actually have.

Only preference I have is using dick if not in an obviously confusing situation, esp cause it can be a bit vague how much it's referencing part of the body versus a hypothetical add on. And I feel like it reinforces how I want said body part(s) interacted with. But also bottoming can mean needing more clarification lol. And I think in this situation cis people might see it as an insecurity thing, like "I have to pretend it's a dick bc I'm so sad I don't have one". And when the only options are clinical (feels like the whole "biologically a woman" thing), or not only derogatory but derogatory toward women--not super fun. Or sexy lol.

And obviously transfem people and any trans person regardless of assigned sex are gonna have similar internal and external pressure whether to use those terms or anything else.

Feel like I've come across a handful of terms trans people use for our bodies specifically, but not in a widespread way and nothing I particularly like. I think that'd be ideal tbh if we had those cause then it would be less associated with cis gendered bodies and also express a pride in trans bodies. Or people would make infantilizing cutesy terms. Or start gendering them anyway.

#chugged a lot of coffee and im high so sorry if theres a lot of weird rants

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sanstropfremir · 2 years

Note

Couldn’t find a playlist this time but here you go!! :)

WDBZ: https://b23(.)tv/IAkdoGt

Mbitious: https://b23(.)tv/f66vOZX

Eoddae: https://b23(.)tv/XDXLMSQ

Bank 2 Brothers: https://b23(.)tv/iv0Defx

1 million: https://b23(.)tv/Ln339wG

Just Jerk: https://b23(.)tv/lenysMX

YGX vid (not shot on mnet stage): https://b23(.)tv/q1sCCgb

Also I just found the choreographies they did for Rain’s song, adding them for fun (also I would never have guessed that was Rain singing if it didn’t say..)

Just Jerk: https://b23(.)tv/0bF4leT

WDBZ: https://b23(.)tv/t9tQrKQ

Bank 2 Brothers: https://b23(.)tv/etAdORO

Eoddae: https://b23(.)tv/Ir2HsUV

1 million: https://b23(.)tv/iwBf4Og

Mbtious: https://b23(.)tv/xEgVGOf

i wasn't expecting to see the return of so many swf crews, but i should not have been surprised bc i think they need someone to save the show's tanking popularity. mostly the matchups are pretty good, except for prowdmon that was a fucking WASTE of their skills holy shit. just jerk, eoddae, and ygx's are my faves! just jerk as always does an excellent job with the choreo but also incorporating the guest dancers' style into that choreo. the clockwork horror theme + very percussive music also suited both their styles really well, all in all just a very slick and well made package.

LOVE eoddae's intro with vogue (the song) and the picture frames!! really great and simple way to set up and image and it tells you what you're gonna get immediately. obvs both were the same/very compatible styles so there was no surprises there.

i actually liked wdbz's, but i think that's because it feels WAY more like a hook choreography than one of their own. it has a lot of the hallmarks of a hook choreo; there's a lot of big flashy formations that look very cool, but it still has the feel of looking at a series of images rather than a whole flowing choreo. granted i think that problem is much more minute and this is probably one of hook's best performances on the show(s), but also there's no real reason why it HAD to be wdbz, yanno? like as a crew they don't have a ton of character, and you could have swapped in bank 2 brothers ygx or even 1million here and it wouldn't have mattered much to the end product at all. i guess in a way that means they were successful in showcasing their guest dancers' style, but....eh. it doesn't feel as much like a collaboration as just jerk's or eoddae's.

1million had the toughest challenge of everyone lol, it's surprisingly hard to integrate latin into street dance styles bc it's predominantly partnered, and street styles are not. the only time i've seen it work semi-successfully is with waacking, which 1million did encorporate a little bit of. i think it was a great choice to use iron in the beginning bc it has a lot of heavy percussive elements that work great for syncing rhythms to, and i think they did a great job overall, given the difficultly of the task. i think they were probably one of the better choices for taking up this challenge in the first place so i'm glad that these guest dancers picked them.

bank 2 brothers...............prowdmon why. how could you do this to me. like i can sort of see some of their influence in having the concept be very literal and tied to the song + an unusual choice of song, but i just.....don't think b2b are at their level. imo they're the weakest crew on the show now and they don't have the same 1) skill level and 2) clarity of intention with choreo to match up with prowdmon and make this an equal collab.

i also did lke ygx's choreo as well, it's solid hiphop, and probably bc it was filmed by someone who was not mnet. i'm assuming it wasn't bc they were eliminated?

#smf #bank 2 brothers has not done a single thing i've liked lol #text #answers #every time i watch a style collab with latin i always have the aggressive realization #that there's no real good way to separate it from being a partnered style #so the strength of the collab pretty much solely rests on how good the partnerwork is #and 1million do a good job. a better job than i've seen most street dancers do actually. but it's not totally perfect #and it goes to show just how fucking hard partnerwork is

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coccyodynia · 10 months

Text

things:

i cried so much last night that my eyes were so swollen this morning that they wouldn't open all the way and i was convinced i had pink eye, so i went to the dr and they said no they're just irritated and swollen that's it

i had a follow up appointment with my spine care team this morning and they said they didn't see any obvious reason for the pain i'm having so they're scheduling me a Ct scan to see the hardware from the fusion better bc it's possible the screws are loosening lol

in the meantime they did notice i have a bulging disc above the fusion which might contribute to some of the issues i've been having

they also saw signs of "wear and tear" which i dont like the sound of

so i have to do physical therapy and have another steroid injection or whatever and i'm not happy about either of those things

they did offer to give me a muscle relaxer prescription which i think will help

anyway

i had my annual review at work today and i got a small raise which is cool i guess bc i thought the owners hated me now but w/e

in one month i will be lakeside making s'mores and that might be the only reason i haven't offed myself yet

still not entirely sure what the fuck is going on with justin bc he got pretty overwhelmed when i asked him for clarity and he sort of shut down so for now i'm just taking it a day at a time, idc what ends up happening i just want him in my life somehow either way

ive been working really hard on my mental health stuff, my therapist has even said she can tell i'm taking it more seriously and putting in more effort than usual

im just so tired of feeling bad, and it turns out that sometimes journaling or making crafts (instead of getting drunk and fucked up) is actually fun

still having a hard time feeling really connected to people i love especially when i feel very much 'in distress'

not sure if that's just me or if it's an actual issue

i've taken my meds pretty gosh darn consistently for over a month now tho!!!! that might be the first time in my adult life i can say that

just really making a conscious effort to surround myself with as much of the things and people i love and it's helping

i haven't seen justin since pride and that sort of makes me sad but i'll see him soon probably

ok that's it guess bye

#things #long post

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syubub · 3 years

Note

Hey I'm not sure if readings are open now, so feel free to ignore if they're closed, but can you do what you think bts will do for their weddings? Like will it be big and formal or small and spir of the moment. Thank you I love ur blog and all your readings just feel right if that makes sense!💛

I love this so much???

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation~

Seokjin

Sun and starseed.

Right off the bat it's gonna be lively and full of jokes and fun

Very light

Leaning a bit towards traditional

Maybe a bit...extravagant?

Like the outfits and decorations will be very cool

Probably a lighter color scheme or some fun pop of color!

Probably all the friends and family come so it big but not BIG

Probably a really fun reception with great food and I wouldn't be surprised if it was in a venue that has a nice outside?

Even outside tbh

I could definitely see it happen in the summer time!

Just so nice and inviting

Maybe on the beach

Yoongi

Ace of cups, death, chariot and take a break

I pulled death and was like ??? Imma need some clarity on that

Now it makes sense

So cute and lovey and he probably wrote the most heartfelt, emotionally raw and beautiful vows known to man

Formally informal

The experience itself at the ceremony almost transports everyone to a whole new plane of existence lol

Like everyone in the room is 100% drawn into the intensity of the moment

The wedding might not happen in korea

Think destination wedding/ in a place that isn't korea

Very relaxing and just cozy, lovey and nice reception

Obviously lots of fun at the reception too but yoongi and his newly betrothed are just in a world of their own

A darker color scheme

I could see him and his betrothed both wearing black

Wouldn't suprise me

It's a bit untraditional but so very them

I wonder too if the ceremony itself might utilize a mesh of traditions?

You know the music would slap.

Definitely smaller and more intimate

(What if yoongi wrote a song to preform??? Or the members made a song without telling him and they suprise him???)

Maybe in an old building or something with a beautiful view.

Hoseok

HOBI

The lovers and align your self

So romantic

Like every cliché kinda romantic

He 100% cries

It would be very hobiesque?

Like its cliche and everything but in a hobi kinda way

Probably a romantic color scheme??

Twinkling lights and dreamy vibes

Pretty traditional and formal at the ceremony

Hobis reception would be so crazy fun

Infections laughter

Dumb childhood stories

Nostalgia

Just so much happiness

It's the shit you would see in a movie

Probably a wedding hall or a "classic" wedding venue

Namjoon

Lol

2 of wands, 2 of cups, queen of swords, council of light

All these came out together

2 of cups is romantic partnership so I think honestly it's so centered around him and his betrothed just being in love that they wouldn't care what the wedding was like?

Like I'm sure they'd care but it's the kind of, "I don't care as long as you're by my side" kinda thing

Very future oriented? So I think they get married simply bc the legality of it? Like by the time they get married, it's like they've practically been married for a long time before that

Maybe a bit spur of the moment

Very straightforward

Idk about where yall live but in America you can just go to the courthouse and be married

So... that might be a thing

Or just a very simple, no fanfare kinda wedding

Maybe a very natural color scheme?

Jimin

Omg

The star, two of coins and awakening

So jimims wedding is an EVENT

and I think it will be a blend between him and his partner you know?

Like, so extravagant

I feel like everyone would want an invitation

A lot of people but still exclusive

Big but exclusive

Not a cheap wedding at ALL

It's very much the most libra wedding the world could think of

Gold and black would be a good choice

It's very much something for people to look at but also very sweet and delicate too

Bold and delicate

Luxurious for sure

I wouldn't be surprised if jimin had 2 weddings?

Like one to actually be married and say the honest vows

And one for the experience and spectacle of having a fantastic wedding

It's extra and so so so fairytale meets bad and boujee

So charming too?

Like it is in no way obnoxious, it's just an experience!!

A cool ass venue or an absolutely decked out wedding hall

Taehyung

Cute

Strength, play and the fountain

Everything you could ever dream of tbh

It's very beautiful and might even influence a new generation of wedding culture?

Like the wedding will be traditional ish but very... modern? Like morphing the beautiful traditions with some newer and unique things

So very tailored to him and his person

Probably a nice uplifting atmosphere

Very romantic and joyful

So. Much. Fun

Dancing and singing and the whole 9 yards

The fountain card is about oneness and being absolutely awake. It's not having to search anymore because you've found it

I honestly don't no what else to say

It's just a beautiful and perfect wedding

Probably not a million people but its full of the people that have been important to them in whatever way

Like, the people that are ment to witness it

Marriage is definitely something special and almost spiritual at this wedding.

Really nice

I would like to think its at a farm or a wedding hall

Jungkook

Three of cups, four of cups and get grounded

Very chill

Definitely with family and friends and not many more people

Everyone is enjoying and celebrating and being themselves

The ceremony might be pretty traditional or formal but it's kinda like when jk had his school ceremony and he was all nervous but everyone was cheering him on

Could also be an informal "wedding" at a Vinyard

Very close and comfy and just love

Sharing an important moment with important people

Maybe sings a song

Maybe plays pop punk and edm at the reception lol

It's just so nice

Wouldn't be surprised if purple was in the color scheme

Definitely lots of drinks to go around as well!

Everyone cries

Maybe an outside reception or even an outdoor ceremony?

I think fall or spring would be the perfect time for his wedding!!

Very familial

Very nice

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