#Not sure if it counts as a vent post because I'm not upset about it I just wanted to share the info no one asked for

[its-monster-mash]

You know, between talking about the funeral in House of Wax and writing my Horror novel(where the deuteragonist is a retired serial killer turned priest), it's REALLY funny to me personally how weird be religious upbringing was.

Like my parents divorced when I was three, but my dad got me on weekends, so every Sunday until I was 11(Great-Grandparents moved to California) I was forced to go to church (because my Great-Grandfather was the priest) BUT MY DAD DID NOT ATTEND WITH ME. HE JUST DUMPED ME OFF AT THE CHURCH.

My dad is this big, 6'1 death metal dude, long hair, always wears black clothes and a perma-scowl, would drop a tiny girl version of him(I insisted on black shirt red skirt EVERY CHURCH DAY since I was little) at the steps of the church and bail before he had to see his Grandparents(Fun fact, they raised him, because my Grandma--while she is the most loving soul on the planet--is not a competent parent).

Putting the rest of this under the cut because it's just a rant about my weird relationship with religion as a child, if I'm being honest.

The religious weirdness started at my baptism, actually.

When I was that age, apparently my FAVORITE toy was a little Hades figurine--a McDonalds toy from the movie Hercules. My mom, while carrying me up to the big water basin or whatever where my Great-Grandfather(we just all called him "Grandfather", our family had a huge "Head of the Family" complex until he passed), noticed that I HAD HADES WITH ME, so she tried to take it away from me really quickly, because Grandfather was already kind of rude to her(fun fact, she's been a wiccan my whole life and hid it from me until I was like 12).

Well, like ANY child with a comfort toy in an unpleasant situation when the toy is being taken away, I held onto that toy with all my might and mustered my tiny lungs to scream "THAT'S MY HADES"...as loud as possible, in my Great-Grandfather's church.

I should explain that my Great-Grandfather was an Episcopalian Priest. Episcopalianism shares all the aesthetics of Catholicism, with mostly superficial differences (The MAIN differences being that Episcopalian priests can marry, an they don't do confessional).

ANYWAY, it only got worse.

I attempted to accept communion wine all of TWO times; once as a very small child, and once when I was around 8 or so(memories of my childhood are very spotty due to Trauma, but I know I had to be younger than 9 because my brother wasn't born yet). Anyway, BOTH TIMES I tried to take the wine, I projectile vomited all over the velvet altar, as well as my Great-Grandfather's vestments. BOTH times old ladies whispered shitty things about it, and no one tried to comfort me. It was some bullshit then, but it's a hilarious inside joke with my close friends and I now. Funny part is? I'm not a puker in general, and those were the only times in my whole life I ever PROJECTILE vomited.

FUN FACT: When I was little, I believed the Christian God and Santa Claus were the same entity. Both beings are always watching you to judge your merit, and I equated Hell's Brimstone to Santa's Coal for naughty children.

I wouldn't say it got WORSE after my Great-Grandfather retired, but it WAS weirder for me. I was still forced to go because he and my Nana still attended services(I was allowed to stop going when they moved when I was 11), but because I was his Great-Granddaughter I was like...church famous?? I was always highlighted in Sunday School, and special attention was always drawn to me when they'd round the kids up to send us off.

Problem is, I HATED the new priest. He creeped me right the fuck out, and I was not shy about showing that.

I made a scene EVERY single time I got bad vibes, and the congregation always laughed like it was some kind of staged act.

On the flip side, every winter I would always ask my favorite priest to get the shovel for me because I shoveled the ramp and steps every sunday because I was afraid the advanced elderly people would fall; so I was very much A Good KidTM, just HATED every second of being in church.

My Great-Grandfather was a VERY interesting person, but most of that I didn't know until after he died, because all he ever wanted to talk to me about was Jesus. It really hurt my feelings, because I was a science kid--I got GREAT grades--and I worked really hard for it, yet this most revered person in my family only ever responded to any of my achievements with "Thank Jesus for your Gifts." (I was nominated for a Student Ambassadorship that would have taken me overseas to study three times in a row. I was never able to go because we were broke as shit, but like, I worked fucking HARD and all he ever saw were the "gifts from Jesus", and I full on hated Christianity for it)

Now, on my MOM's side of the religious stuff, I mentioned already how she kept it under LOCK AND KEY that she was Wiccan until I was twelve. The reason being, because she didn't want my dad to point at it and tell people she was getting me into Devil Worship, because she was SUPER paranoid about me being taken away (that did not stop HER from abusing the hell out of me, but long story short that was psychosis and memory loss from a medication she was on long term; we are on good terms NOW).

Funny story, I DID have a Satanism phase, but that was a direct result of hating Christianity and wanting to piss off my family, if we're being honest.

ANYWAY THOUGH; I have been Pagan since I was ten years old, and went YEARS guarding that as a well kept secret, because I was afraid I'd get in SO much trouble for not being Christian, until one day when I was 12 I had come into my mom's room when she still had her books out and I was like !!! "WITCHCRAFT!!???!?!?". It was one of our biggest parent-child bonding moments tbh lol.

I went hardcore Atheist for a brief time during a massive mental breakdown I had in college, which was IMMEDIATELY followed by Performative Satanism, but when I Calmed DownTM I went back to general paganism. I have a very loose spirituality and a hyperspecific belief system, but I don't need to get into that here.

ANYWAY RANT OVER. I just think it's really funny that I grew up the way I did and now I write nasty blasphemy kink shit lol OOPS.

#Praey screams #Yeah this is just a big ass rant but it might be fun who knows #religious trauma #vent post #Not sure if it counts as a vent post because I'm not upset about it I just wanted to share the info no one asked for

[chaithetics]

The Millers Buttercup Chapter Three

Pairing: outbreak/commune! Tommy Miller x F reader, (more in detail mentioned) Joel Miller x F reader

Word count: 4.3K

Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, pregnancy loss, angst, smut (P in V intercourse), pregnancy, mentions of injuries (nothing major). Also unedited because I refuse to proofread.

Note: I'm so sorry for how long this took! I was planning to finish writing/post this on Friday night but it's been a really full on weekend! But also I've started writing chapter 1 for a Javier P series!

More importantly, this chapter does deal with a miscarriage so it is pretty serious. If you've gone through this or this chapter upsets you you're more than welcome to message me for a chat/vent and I'm more than happy to help you find local/appropriate support services. Thinking of you all x

P.s if you want to be added to the tag list feel free to comment or message. I hope you enjoy, let me know your thoughts :)

Joel was sitting in the living room, watching the two girls interact. While Ellie was defensive with everyone, it was becoming clearer and clearer that she genuinely liked younger children. She was more patient and relaxed with them. Ellie was going through her treasured pun book with Isabel. Joel found it quite amusing, given Isabel’s age there was no way she got essentially any of these jokes but she still laughed as if her life depended on it and she looked up at Ellie expectedly each time Ellie told one. 

After not too long, Tommy came back into the living room. He looked over at Ellie and Isabel smiling, then he made his way into the kitchen. Joel stayed, he noticed that Tommy seemed to have a bit more pep in his step. After what felt like an eternity more of bad jokes you finally came back down. 

“Mommy! You were right! Ellie is so cool and sooo funny!” Isabel said with a big smile on her face. “I know, she’s super cool.” You said as you came over to sit near them, Ellie’s smile grew more and she blushed at the attention and compliments she was receiving. 

“What’s your favourite pun mom?” Isabel asked. 

“Hmmm, I’m not sure honey” 

“Oh I’ve got a good one Isabel! I wish I could be a doctor like your mama,” Tommy said as he came out of the kitchen with a glass of water “but I just don’t have the patients” he had a growing smirk on as he finished his pun. Isabel giggled at that and you knew that that was a pun she understood, it seemed to have Ellie’s approval as well, and you couldn’t help but laugh at it. 

“That’s so bad it’s almost good,” you said looking at Tommy. He chuckled and you could see all the love he had for you and your family in his warm brown eyes, if you’d had a frozen heart you knew it would only take a second of eye contact to thaw it out. 

“You love it,” Tommy playfully retorted back as he sat down and drank from his glass. You couldn’t help but watch his throat as he drank but then quickly looked away back to Isabel. Joel noticed this and then watched you, you were sitting next to Isabel stroking her hair, looking at her and Ellie. You were glowing but Joel could see another glow on you, one he recognised, you had a freshly fucked glow about you. Joel felt himself frowning over this, you weren’t his, you were his brother’s, and you had a life with Tommy that was about as close to normal, as before as it could get. Tommy was the one fucking you and you were the mother of Tommy’s child, soon-to-be children. Joel didn’t know if he felt more angry or saddened by this, how everything worked out. 

“Alright, buttercup?” Tommy asked as you got up and started to walk towards the kitchen, this pulled Joel out of his mental spiral and both the Millers brothers had their eyes focused on you. 

“Yeah, I’m alright.” You said with a smile aimed at Tommy, you squeezed his arm softly as you walked past him. You poured yourself a glass of water and then started to drink it when Joel came into the kitchen. Your eyes locked and you felt taken aback again by his presence. Joel noticed this, for a moment you looked like a deer in headlights, it was almost amusing but Joel couldn’t laugh over it due to the context. He did that to you, and it was not a good thing. 

“You know, Tommy never told me about her,” Joel said leaning against the bench doing his best to give you some space but still trying to keep a level of intimacy. 

“He tried.” You said softly, taking another sip of water. There was a quick furrow of Joel’s brow but it softened into what you assumed was confusion. “Your contact has been sporadic at best. He tried to bring it up when I was pregnant with her, he said talking to you was difficult. Felt bad and just could never do it.” You said softly, trying to avoid his gaze. 

“Was…” Joel started to say, trying to search your face, “Was it-was it my fault then?” Joel asked, you met his gaze and all you could see was sadness. The part of you that was uncomfortable and hurt by his presence just wanted to immediately say yes, not knowing exactly what he meant. As soon as he’d said it you could think of a dozen things that were his fault at the top of your head. But you restrained yourself from that impulse, he seemed too hurt, you’d never seen him with sadness like that and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. 

“Was what your fault, Joel?” 

“The miscarriage.” He said quietly. 

You felt yourself freeze at that and you searched his eyes to gage what he was saying but you couldn’t help but be flooded with emotions and memories. 

************

You were a doctor for FEDRA, and you disagreed with the philosophies but it enabled you to finish your study and to feel like you were contributing to society in some way by working in the field. You weren’t ignorant about the corruption or brutality and it made each day harder to stay. You offered more accessible care after-hours in your home in the QZ, this care was how you became properly acquainted with the Millers. 

You don’t remember exactly what moment started it all with Joel, maybe it was the very first second your eyes met, or it was literally when it physically started. You weren’t sure and it felt weird to think about it how things turned out. You’d immediately been charmed by Tommy, it was clear from the get-go that he was both the more outgoing and empathetic of the duo. While both men were attractive, you had thought due to Tommy’s nature he possibly relished more in the attention than Joel did. 

You’d fixed numerous wounds for both Joel and Tommy, sometimes it would be joked about that they’d injured themselves just for the sake of justifying paying you a visit. There was a night that Joel had come by himself, it was the first night he’d touched you, you had a feeling that this visit was more of an excuse to visit you than anything else as the injury didn’t seem to bother him. 

After you’d finished looking at his arm, he’d grabbed your wrist, it wasn’t painful but it was firm. You met his eyes shocked, and as your eyes met you saw a hunger in the deep brown irises of his. You understood it and you felt it melt the loneliness inside of you, his hand then eased up on your wrist and his fingers started to trace lines on your hand as he watched you. You hadn’t felt anybody look at you like that in so long or had somebody touch your hand like that, you couldn’t help but think how nice it was. 

You hadn’t rejected his touch, so Joel moved his hand to rub up the side of your hip and thigh, and his other hand moved to the side of your face, tracing along your jaw. You sighed softly against his touch, at that noise you felt his grip tighten on your hip. 

“I want you.” He said in his deep baritone voice, you nodded, feeling speechless at this attention. He pulled you closer, down to him, his hand wasn’t stroking your face but now firmly holding onto the side of your face and his grip on your hip was intense, you were certain there would be bruise marks there soon. He pressed his chapped lips to yours, hungrily, you moaned out against his mouth as you felt yourself starting to fall into his lap. The sound of your moan delighted him and he kissed you fiercely. You couldn’t remember the last time somebody kissed you like that. 

You tangled your hands in Joel’s messy hair, being touched like this, with such hunger was warm, it felt fuzzy, almost how a sip of strong alcohol pleasantly burnt your stomach and warmed you up. Joel groaned against your mouth, he was fully hard now and started to undo his jeans. 

“Th-the bed is…” you whispered against him as you broke the kiss, he nodded and put his hand on the back of your neck as he kissed you again before standing up. You walked over to the bed with him following, his hand firmly planted on the small of your back. He pulled his jeans and boxers down, hovering over you Joel started to undo your own pants and pulled them and your underwear down. You were already wet, you felt it happen as soon as he’d put his hands on you. You were needy and this contact had further pushed you, he saw the soaked patch in your underwear and smirked, “good girl” he mumbled and then pushed you down onto the bed, you felt your cheeks immediately heat up at his comment and the boldness of what was happening. 

He pulled your shirt up as he hovered over you, leaning on his elbows, his hands then moved over your breasts, and you sharply inhaled at the touch. Your nipples perked up and became sensitive, he then teasingly tugged at one which made you gasp out and moan. He groaned softly at the sounds you were making and you felt his hardened cock twitch against you. He then lined his thick head up at your wet entrance, he watched as the head started to push in, lubricated with your arousal. He let out a low moan then his eyes flicked up to watch you, you sharply inhaled as he pressed in and your eyes closed as you let out a soft, melodic moan. 

“Don’t close your eyes, I want to watch you,” he said in a firm, commanding voice. You opened your eyes up and moaned out, nodding. He then started to bury more of himself into you and you continued to moan out, gasping as he filled you. “God, you’re so tight…” He breathed out as he stretched you out, feeling you squeeze him, as you began to squirm slightly with each deepening thrust. 

“Joel…” You moaned out his name as your hands then dug at his arms, clawing them slightly, you scratched him as he started to increase the pace of his thrusts, finding his rhythm. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him in further, your eyes rolled back and you let out a loud moan that almost sounded more like a whine. Joel groaned and you felt his cock twitch inside of you at that. 

“You feel so good baby,” Joel said, and he meant it. You were a pretty thing he thought and there was no denying that, it was known around the QZ. Tommy knew it and had said it a couple of times and both of the brothers had heard people talk about the pretty doctor or those who seemed a little too eager for medical care hoping that they’d catch you on your shift. Joel wouldn’t say it to you but he did like that it was him who had you sprawled out like this under him and not anyone else, he couldn’t help but admire how good you looked under him and felt around him. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, it had been too long since he’d felt someone. 

“Deeper Joel, pl-please? Oh, fuck…” You moaned out as you moved a hand to the side of his face. Joel grunted out, thrusting even deeper into you, making you moan louder. Joel then pressed his mouth to the side of your neck, he grazed his teeth along the skin, then bit down which made you gasp out as he continued to pump in and out of you. The slick of your juices and his thrusting make squelching noises. Joel started to suck on your neck, kissing it and grunting into it. Joel stopped for a moment to gruff out your name and to say he was close in his deep voice. You nodded and tugged on his curls as his thrusts sped up until he cursed out “fuck!” And then you felt his warm load shoot up inside of you. 

You moaned out as you felt it, you watched him as he shifted his body weight then gasped out again as you felt him pull out of you. He let out a weary breath as he moved to the other side of the bed, you shifted slightly for him. He didn’t meet your eyes and you started to feel self-conscious, pulling your shirt back down. He just looked up at the ceiling, catching his breath. You studied his face but had no idea what he was feeling and started to feel your mind spiralling. Joel had always been nice to you but this felt cold, you’d had flings and a couple of one-night stands in College before the outbreak, normally there was a conversation and a bit of cuddling afterwards. 

You opened your mouth to say something and then Joel got up. You sat up, confused, he didn’t look at you but he started to get dressed again. 

“I should head off, night,” he said, briefly looking at you and he noticed the questions written on your face. He then made his way to your door, “uh, goodnight?” You said meekly, he didn’t respond unless him opening the door and leaving counted. Which you guessed it did. 

After the door had closed and silence filled your apartment, the moans and squelching from your intimate encounter had disappeared with his presence. In the heat of the moment, you thought this would have fixed the loneliness that you’d been plagued with for years but you just felt emptier. You didn’t think it was possible but you did. 

You started to wonder why you’d done this, it started to feel like a silly mistake. You knew Joel was reserved but you didn’t expect him to be this dismissive. You thought about Tommy and his warm smile, he had a warm nature and would flirt with you, you were sure that he was also a flirt with others. You thought about what it would be like to be intimate with him, you were certain that Tommy would not do that but that he’d be affectionate and he’d spoon you afterwards. 

You wished he’d held you, at least for a moment after. 

Then you felt bad for thinking about Tommy like that minutes after being fucked by his brother. 

You cleaned yourself up and tried to head to sleep. You had an earlier shift in the morning that you now weren’t looking forward to. 

********* 

You’d cursed when seeing the large lovebite on your neck that Joel had left. You hoped you’d be able to spend the day in a turtle neck with your hair down, you usually had it pulled back and you’d have to do so if you needed to change into scrubs. 

Your day at work, fortunately, meant that your little neck secret wasn’t exposed to anyone but you did stay longer than you were meant to but you didn’t mind it. You needed the distraction. 

As you were walking back from the QZ’s medical centre to your apartment, taking the longer route to delay being alone in your home with your thoughts, you heard a warm, booming voice call your name. 

“Hey Tommy,” you said as you turned around, meeting him. He gave you that charming 1000-megawatt smile. You looked into his eyes, they were similar to Joel’s but filled with so much more warmth. 

“You’re awfully bundled up buttercup,” he said taking in your more layered than usual getup. You smirked playfully at his use of the pet name he’d quickly gifted you, you were sure he used it on everyone but you’d only heard him call you it so far. “I’m a bit cold today,” you said, it wasn’t the warmest day the QZ had seen so it was only a white lie. Tommy nodded and took his jacket off then placed it around your shoulders. 

“Thank you but you don’t need to,”

“‘S okay,” he said flashing you a warm smile, “heading home?” He asked and you nodded. He then offered an arm slightly and you took it gingerly. You felt a little tingle at the feeling of your hand on his firm arm. You had friendly chatter with Tommy, he excitedly spoke to you and for the not long enough moment of him walking you home, you’d forgotten about that empty pit inside of you. 

When you’d gotten to your apartment you looked into his gorgeous brown eyes and you felt your cheeks heating up at his act of kindness, it was small but it meant so much to you. 

“This is me, as you know,” he nodded, you went to take his jacket off but he shook his head, “no, keep it buttercup. It looks nicer on you anyway.” He said with a cheeky wink, you laughed and thanked him. 

As he left, you thought to yourself; Tommy Miller is something else. 

************ 

It had been at least a few months since the first time you and Joel had slept together. 

You had abandonment issues and it was clearly showing in your relationship, if that’s what you could call it, with Joel Miller. 

Joel hadn’t been happy when he’d seen Tommy’s jacket in your home, and a later time when you had worn it while attending to a genuine injury of Joel’s. He felt possessive over you even though you weren’t exclusive, you were barely anything. 

Joel ignored you most of the time and he noticed how you seemed to have a slightly more reserved air about you since that night he’d come over. After a while, Tommy also picked up that something had happened. Joel liked coming along if Tommy ever needed anything, there was something about watching you smile in Tommy’s presence, it was more real and warmer than the emptier, sad look in your eyes whenever they met his. He envied Tommy for getting that from you. 

Joel ended up coming over some nights, he always seemed to have frustrations over everything that he needed to fuck out. You turned him away most nights, you didn’t want to feel as empty or as rejected as you did that first night. You started to wonder if you just slept with Joel because there was some comfort in him being emotionally unavailable and because of the loneliness you felt. The nights you did sleep with him tended to be when you were depressed and lonely or had a particularly difficult day at work. He never stayed long but always felt entitled to you. There were a couple of nights in which he stayed a bit longer, he’d lay in the bed and you’d spoon him, burying your face into the back of his neck. 

Eventually, you knew you’d truly fucked up, your cycle was late and you’d become dizzy. You wanted to tell yourself it was nothing to worry about and that your cycle just wasn’t perfect because of the stress and living conditions of an apocalypse. But the dizziness was new and you just had an awful gut feeling. 

You took a test at work discreetly, it confirmed your fears. You were pregnant with Joel Miller’s child. It felt like the most horrifying thing you could think of. Being pregnant in the apocalypse, let alone with his child. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t have a lot of time but you knew you had some time still. 

You became more reserved as a coping mechanism and it was noticeable, everyone picked up on it. Your relationship was becoming stronger with Tommy, you were starting to suspect that his flirting was more genuine than the playful banter you’d initially taken it for. You spent more time with him and you wanted to tell Tommy, it felt like a safer and easier thing to do than telling Joel. Especially with the distance growing between Tommy and Joel, Tommy spoke about Joel’s actions and the haunting violence and you felt yourself becoming more freaked out. Joel was still cold with you and after finding out you were pregnant you hadn’t slept with him, you’d tried to have a conversation with him but he shut you down immediately. 

You estimated that you were around 11 weeks pregnant, nearing the end of your first trimester. You had gained a small amount of weight around your stomach but it was mostly unnoticeable. You had cramping in your stomach and felt a little light-headed. 

Tommy and Joel were in your apartment, Joel had done something to his wrist again, it seemed minor, fortunately, just a bit of strapping you thought. The cramping got worse and you looked down. 

“I’m sorry, I need to go-I need to go to the toilet…” You said as you walked off. You weren’t sure what was going on but it felt miserable, it wasn’t until you got to the bathroom that you then saw the blood. There was too much of it. 

You felt your breathing intensify, part of you wanted to scream, you didn’t know what good that would do but it gave you such a fright that you let out a small yell of fright and shock. You felt the warm tears streaming down your face. Both men heard the scream and came over to the bathroom door. 

Joel called your name, “are you alright?” You let out a choked sob as you pulled your pants back up then unlocked the door opening it. 

“I-I’m bleeding…” you said in between cries with a hand tentatively pressed against your stomach. 

“Where?” Joel said searching your face for some injury.

“Down there.” You said quietly. Joel looked at you, thinking this was a dramatic overreaction. “Yeah, I thought they would’ve told you about that in med school, I didn’t think FEDRA was that bad.” Joel said. Tommy glared at him sensing something was off. You wiped at your eyes, the tears were just raining down. 

“It’s-it-it’s not a period Joel. It’s a…” You said, your voice was shaky, you tried to make it as level as you could but that was impossible. You searched Joel’s face, wanting some emotion, some sign of empathy. Tommy’s eyes widened he looked at you warmly then glanced at Joel briefly before returning to you “Oh shit, buttercup, I’m-I’m so sorry,” he said and you felt Tommy’s warm arms wrap around you. You breathed him in as you pressed your head into his chest and cried. After a moment you looked up at Joel, there was still nothing on his face. 

“Joel…?” You said it felt like a whisper like you didn’t have the power to say anything louder but it was somehow miraculously heard by Joel. “I suppose, that’s fortunate for both of us. Wasn’t meant to be.” 

You gasped out at that and Tommy stepped away from you. 

“What the fuck Joel?!” Tommy said anger from his brother’s words was evident in his voice and on his face. This was the last straw with his brother. Joel didn’t say anything, he just grunted quietly looking at you briefly then leaving your apartment. 

That was it, Joel Miller did not deserve another ounce of your time or kindness you decided. 

********** 

You remembered that, that tragic walk down memory lane and you were back in the kitchen with Joel. Back in the kitchen of the home you shared with Tommy, that was the only home Isabel had ever known and would be the same for the future bundle of joy you were carrying. 

You thought about that night before you answered Joel. Tommy had stayed with you that night, he held you and did his best to soothe and comfort you. You were grieving and regretted giving Joel Miller the time of day that you had in the past. 

Tommy and Joel had fallen out, it was very messy, over that and Joel’s growing coldness and inhumane nature in work. After the miscarriage, you and Tommy started to leave the platonic territory and he eventually brought up the Fireflies, the ideology seemed somewhat better, and more optimistic than that of FEDRA. You followed Tommy, being the kind, loving voice of reason to his optimistic, selfless dreams. You’d have followed Tommy anywhere and you still would. 

You looked Joel in the eyes, he’d caused you to hurt with his coldness, remarks that you wouldn’t think about and wouldn’t admit to yourself that he said. But he was family, you felt bad for him and you would not enable his suffering over any of this. Nobody deserved to feel guilty, like a pregnancy loss was their fault. 

“That wasn’t your fault Joel.” You said matter-of-factly yet softly. You then dared to squeeze his shoulder softly, “pregnancy losses… they happen all the time. So many pregnancies end that way. I think before all of this it was estimated at like a fifth.” He looks at you taking in your gorgeous but sad features, he hated how he always seemed to just depress you, unlike his brother. “It wasn’t either of our faults. Not that.” You said softly, your hand left his shoulder and you finished your drink of water. Then left the kitchen, you needed to go. You needed a break from this again, this time to maybe cry a little rather than sleep you thought. 

Taglist: @thesapphirequeen @read4funz

#gabriel luna #tommy miller x you #tommy miller fluff #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #tommy miller fic #tommy miller #joel miller fic #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller smut #tommy miller smut #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou tommy #tlou x reader #tlou fanfiction #tlou series #joel tlou #tommy tlou #angst #tommy miller x female reader

[wildissylupus]

Can I vent? Imma vent. I had to ask my friends to hold off on playing story modes bc we had planned out the night to play together. (I bought snacks.) Hell, I even received a gift card from how much I've been ranting about the lore that's about to drop. I got a tad bit upset I wasn't able to buy the pack (I'm a Cassidy main, the horror.).

I'm whining aren't I? Probably. But besides that, when we were playing role queue, I realized that,

Cassidy, Sojourn, Genji, etc. All have some new voicelines in queue, and I'm shook. Lol. Shook.

I have a feeling you'll be reviewing them soon, so I would love to know your analysis on them. Lol.

Ok so these are all the interactions I've found so far, so please tell me specific combinations if you remember. Some of them could also be phrased wrong but what I write is the gist of what they're saying. Also I'm leaving out Illari's voicelines for a separate post.

Cassidy: Things might get tricky out there, can I count on you to watch my back? Genji: Of course, you are like a brother to me. Cassidy: You told me about your family... not sure if that's a complement.

Genji: You haven't slept Cassidy: Yeah, was up all night thinking about who we used to be Genji: I like to think about the good times Cassidy: Hey yeah, there were some good times!

Cassidy and Genji being a sibling dynamic is something I didn't expect but I do like that the writing team finally confirmed they were close in Blackwatch. This is something that is going to be it's separate post but some things I like is Genji taking notice of Cassidy's bad habits in present time, something I don't think he could do back when he was first with Overwatch. Also this somewhat confirms my theory that Cassidy was the only member of Blackwatch Genji stayed in contact with. Something that catches my eye though is that Cassidy seemingly forgot there were some good times in Blackwatch, probably because he's pesemistic but is is interesting in context to how he talks about Deadlock, only ever talking posotivly about it.

Ana: Is Fareeha getting enough rest in between missions?! Mercy: Ana... Your daughter is more than capable of caring for herself Ana: She never napped when she was little, she was cranky all the time. Pharah: Mom! Everyone can hear you!

This would be cute if it wasn't for the fact that we have another voice line with Torb that has Pharah refusing to rest. Again this is another post coming up but I think this shows that Angela doesn't really know Pharah as well as Pharah knows her. Pharah made an accurate judgement on what Angela was thinking when she joined up with the others in Paris, she also corrected herself by realizing she shouldn't have expected a goodbye from Angela because Ange is bad at goodbyes. Meanwhile Angela makes the incorrect assumption that Pharah is getting enough rest when we know form other interactions that it's not true. Again this is something I'm going to fully dive into in another post so I don't want to spoil much here.

I couldn't find any for Sojourn :( please help-

If anyone has any idea on what the other interactions are please tell me!

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #overwatch lore #overwatch headcanons #analysis #cole cassidy #genji ow #genji overwatch #genji shimada #genji #pharah overwatch #overwatch pharah #pharah #ana overwatch #ana amari #ow mercy #mercy overwatch #mercy #angela ziegler #sojourn #overwatch sojourn #vivian chase

[randomscpventblog]

If it's fine, I want to vent here. I'm getting upset every single day since this whole shit started. You know why this all started? because people refuse to accept someone's boundaries to the point the person has to constantly repeat themselves not to use this tags not to name this person this person, not to do this as they were a fictive, a kin, a irl. But people won't listen and claim it's guilttripping. It got to the point where people started attacjg this person and their partners even to the point where someone is still actively attacking someone's partner. seriously, can we all fucking grow up and drop this shit? At this point, no one can't claim theyre a victim of anything if theyre the one who keep bring up the drama and keep pouring gasoline into the flame. How about everyone stop pointing at people and actually do what they promise to do. stop being snowflakes, leave each other alone, and respecting boundaries. we are going in circles. The rewrites WANT to have fun, WANT to be left alone and happy with their creations as it's something they do for fun, FOR THEIR FUCKING SAKES. FICTIVES, IRLS, PEOPLE WHO HAS EXPRIENCE PEOPLE GROOMING THEM WITH CHARACTERS. NO ONE WANT TO DEAL WITH DRAMA AND LIVE IN FEAR THAT THEY'RE GOING TO GET DOXXED AND STALKED NEXT FROM A CERTAIN BRIGHT FAN. The Bright fans, THEY CAN'T FUCKING HELP IT! SOME OF THEM ARE FICTIVE AND KINS! They did change the brights and made it better that AB, That's enough. It's counts and that's all it matters. They're not going to change the name Jack or Bright because it feel wrongs to them. PLEASE RESPECT THAT BLOCK THEM IF YOU'RE SO UPSET PEOPLE, IF THERES DO NOT INTERACT FOR SO AND SO. DON'T FUCKING INTERACT. IF THERE'S TAG SAYING DON'T TAG AS THIS. FUCKING DO IT. IT'S SIMPLE AND YOU'RE ALL MAKE IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT THAN IT HAS TO BE. GROW THE FUCK UP. IT'S 2024 AND IT THIS IS MAKE YOU 'DEPRESSED' OR MAKE YOU WANT TO DIE. GET THE FUCK OFF OF TUMBLR UNTIL YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT MINDSET. THIS IS A DIGTAL SITE. YOU CAN LEAVE WHEN YOU WANT TO. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO STAY HERE. OVER A FUCKING CHARACTER. A SINGLE FUCKING CHARACTER. GROW THE FUCK UP. Rant over.

I think some context is missed here the drama that happened a few days ago didn’t happen because a few rewrite creators asked people to respect their boundaries, it happened because a Bright fan made a vent post about how the drama was affecting them and a different Bright fan decided to be disrespectful in the comments of that vent post, which then in turn caused someone in support of the removal/rewriting of Bright to reblog that vent post with evidence of AdminBrights behavior, as well as stating that people can’t use the character in good conscience which is where the guilt tripping part came in, along with another post being made calling it a “moral failing” on anyone who continues to use Bright. Also keep in mind all this along with all the reblogs in support of the removal of Bright are being seen by the original poster who just wanted to vent about how the situation was affecting them.

While I do agree that everyone should respect other’s boundaries, saying that absolutely no guilt tripping was happening just isn’t true, it might’ve been easy to miss but it was there.

Also no one should be sending death threats or any hate to others regardless of if they use Bright, Shaw, or a rewrite. As always it’s up to the individual to curate their online experience and that means blocking and simply not engaging with people and concepts you don’t agree with. As for tagging I truly hope the people tagging rewrites with Bright were just doing it out of a misunderstanding but also as always make sure you read and respect each blog’s rules before sharing/rebloging their content.

As for the last part I believe that everyone has a right to feel safe and accepted here on Tumblr so no one should be ostracized into leaving regardless of whatever character/‘s they like. Even though Bright fans shouldn’t interact/follow people who ask them not too it doesn’t mean they should be forced off Tumblr the same goes for Shaw fans. Everyone here should feel safe within their own communities and none of those communities should feel threatened or ostracized from the platform, that includes the rewrite community, Bright fan community, and the Shaw fan community.

#scp discourse #anon scp confessions #anonymous #scp dr jack bright #scp drama #scp dr bright #scp fandom #please be kind #be respectful #dr shaw #dr bright #scp 963 #scp dr Shaw #scp dr bright discourse

[smolchildlevy]

I'm here to request because I'm having a hard time: Mikasa and reader have always considered themselves as sisters, but when Mikasa and Eren start planning their marriage, reader starts fearing she could be left behind and the day of their wedding, she isn't invited, but she goes to the ceremony the same, but ends hiding in the labyrinth in the garden of the place everybody's attempting the wedding.

Not sure if you want to make it with a happy ending or a sad ending, gonna leave it up to you, but this may be a true story if my friend will get married for real. Thank you in advance and sorry for venting, but as you know I already lost a lot of my beloved ones and I don't wanna lose her and her bf's friendship.

I’ll try my best! Sorry this took so long- school has been so exhausting lmao

Best Friends, Right?

Mikasa x Eren (ft. Reader)

Warnings: angst?, fluff, cursing, modern AU :)

Word count: 923

You and Mikasa were always together, best friends stuck at the hip. You were basically considered sisters.

Mikasa’s parents treat you like part of the family.

Even now, you’re always visiting each other.

You knew she started dating Eren, he treated you like you and Mikasa were sisters, as everyone did. You and him got along pretty well.

He wasn’t a bad guy to be fair, but this was the beginning of something you weren’t too happy about.

Then, one afternoon you get a text from Eren.

You had thought it was strange, but you still invited him over anyways.

Not long after you texted him, he knocks on your door. He looked a little nervous.

“Cmon in” You say, smiling.

“Thanks.”

He sits on the couch and you get both of you a can of soda (your choice, if u don’t like soda just think of any drink)

“So what’s up?” You ask, talking about the sudden text.

“Well..” He sighs, “I’ve been wanting to do something for a long time, but I don’t know how to do it.”

“And what would that be?”

“I.. I want to propose to Mikasa. And well I thought I should ask for your blessing and advice before I talk to her parents-“ he chuckled nervously.

Your heart dropped a little, but you kept on a soft smile.

“That’s wonderful! I just know she will say yes.”

“I hope.. but anyways, I wanted to see if you could help with the way I would go about it?”

“Of course, I’d be happy to.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate this.”

You and him plan what he’s going to do— a classic picnic date, then watch the sunset. That’s when he’ll ask.

“I think I can do that. I’m happy you could help me and accept this even if it’s sudden.” He smiled at you, getting up.

“It’s no problem, I want you guys to happy!”

“I’ve got to head out, I’ll text you later!”

“See ya.”

And with that, he leaves.

You feel bad for getting a little upset. I mean Mikasa is your best friend, and you want the best for her.. but you can’t help but feel like you will be cast aside once they get married.

..

Time flew by since you had that talk with Eren.

He recently proposed to Mikasa and she, of course, said yes.

You were beyond happy for her.. but something in your heart still felt wrong. The thought of being left behind.

And then, the week before the marriage between them came just as fast as the proposal.

But, you seemed to have not gotten invited. You saw others posting and talking about their excitement for their engagement.

You thought you two were as close as sisters, treating each other as such in the past.

But.. for some reason, they didn’t invite you to their wedding. The very thing you helped make happen.

Even knowing that, you thought of just going anyways.

And you stuck with it.

—TimeSkip—

It was the day of the wedding now and still no invitation, of course.

So you are putting your plan into action.

You were kinda nervous about getting caught, but you’re there now so there’s no going back.

Don’t get me wrong, you were happy she found the one, but it seems like there’s wall dividing you.

When you arrived, you went to hide in the beautiful garden of the place.

You decided to play it cool and call her on her phone, while also heading away from the scene, out of peoples earshot.

“Hey, Mika?”

“Hi Y/N!”

“..Why didn’t you invite me?”

She went quiet for a second.

“What do you mean..?”

“You’re getting married.. but you never invited the one person who was always with you?” You tear up.

“Y/N.. I did invite you.”

Your eyes widen. “No.. you didn’t?”

“I sent you an invitation through the mail, did you not get it?”

“I didn’t..”

“Oh, Y/N.. I’m so sorry— maybe I sent it to the wrong address, or maybe something got mixed up.” She sighs, sounding upset.

“Mika..”

“I would never do that on purpose. You’re my best friend, my sister not by blood but by fate. I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t like you anymore..”

Her voice shakes.

“No, no, don’t apologize. It isn’t your fault. I jumped to conclusions too quick.. I should have told you I didn’t get it.” You wipe your tears.

“I need my best friend.. would you please come? I want you to be here for this.. and be by my side.”

“Of course.” You freak out a bit considering you’re already at the place.

But you run back home and put on more formal attire before going back.

When you get there, you head to her dressing room. You knock first and hear a “Come in!”

You open the door and see Mikasa, and the others preparing for the wedding.

“Hey..”

“Y/N!” She runs to hug you.

“Mikasa.. you look so beautiful! I’m sorry for the whole mix up, I just thought you were going to leave me for good.”

“I could never!”

You smiled, hugging her tighter.

After the ceremony, Eren apologized as well, not knowing you didn’t get the invite.

You made up with him as well, and that broke the (metaphorical) wall between you and them.

You were happy to get to see your best friend and friend walk the aisle together and get married officially.

And the friendship between you guys is priceless.

#smols friends <3 #aot #eremika #eren x mikasa #aot imagine #aot angst #aot fluff #aot x reader #attack on titan fic

[readingaftermidnight007]

(Long Overdue) Reading Update!!

Ahhhh I've been meaning to post for a while but I'm just super lazy soooo....

Last time I updated this, I had just finished reading DJATS I think? Hold on I'm going to check. *pause for me checking*

Ok yeah, the last time I updated this was when I finished Daisy Jones (which i never actually talked about how I felt about and who knows, maybe I'll finally make a post about it)

Anywaysssss.....here's my reading update. We may or may not be eight books behind. Whoops. (Seven if we don't count DJATS and for these purposes I'm not going to talk about it right now)

also dont worry abt spoilers for anything. it's completely spoiler free :)

~~~~~

First up, we have....

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry

(completed February 23) (i know im sorry 😭)

(3/5 ⭐️)

I read this for a class, and overall I really enjoyed it. I was in a weird place mentally though, so I don't think I fully processed a lot of it otherwise this would have a much higher rating. Its a very enjoyable play though, and it's a beautiful story and beautifully written. Definitely would recommend if you enjoy plays that are grounded in realism and focus a lot around familial themes.

The Crucible by Arthur Miller

(completed March 8) (again im sorry ive been super fucking busy)

(4/5⭐️)

Honestly, I loved reading this play. I also read it for the same class, but I found this one more enjoyable, which is probably because one of my first childhood hyperfixations was on, oddly enough, the Salem Witch Trials. Which if you didn't know, that's what The Crucible is about. Anyways. It's very good, and I would definitely recommend reading it. Its a long play, but it's worth it. It explores a lot of themes of grief and paranoia and sins and it's just so fascinating and there's so much to explore within it.

Homeward Bound by Elaine Tyler May

(completed March 17) (i swear i have good reasons for not updating but im not gonna get into that unless you wanna go check up my vent blog @queenofshadows077)

(3/5⭐️)

i read this for my history class, and i have to say, i enjoyed it a lot more than i was expecting. sure, there didn't need to be a 20 page chapter about premarital sex statistics in the 1950s(seriously, why 20 pages???), but i found it very interesting otherwise. the book basically delves into the post-WWII suburbanization of American families and gender roles and societal roles, etc and I would recommend if youre looking for a nonfiction book about that particular time period.

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennet

(completed March 22)

(5/5⭐️)

I genuinely LOVED this book. Like, seriously. Read it. IT'S WORTH THE HYPE I PROMISE. I could not put it down the entire time I was reading it. I was having way too much fun with it and i was so sad when it was over. Like, so upset. I loved the story of the twins and their lives. It's truly a beautiful, compelling novel and I want everyone to read it. It is 100% ending up on my favorites list of 2023. Please read it. Please. I beg of you. I dont wanna get too much into the plot or anything spoilery so if you wanna know more, read the overview on goodreads please! (and then read the book. do it. do. it.)

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

(completed march 31)

(4/5⭐️)

Ok so this is the third TJR book I've read, and I absolutely loved it!!! I read this over the course of a week on a trip I went on, and it was the perfect book to read for it. I love the way she organizes her books and the way she writes her characters. Compared to Evelyn Hugo and DJATS it's definitely not my favorite, but it was still excellent.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

(completed April 6)

(5/5⭐️)

This has always been one of my favorite books. This is my third time reading it, and I was inspired to reread since I had just finished Malibu Rising and had recently read DJATS. I love this book. I love Evelyn and her story and I love how TJR writes very complex characters. Always brings me to tears, it's soooo good. it's an incredible novel featuring an incredible story of a queer woman and her journeys through success, love, fame, and so much more. if you havent read it, you need to. Like, it is literally a requirement. :)

And finally....

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

(completed April 11)

(5/5⭐️)

This was a beautiful story. Beautifully writen, characters that bare their soul and that you cant help but love, and super addicting. I literally could not put it down. the pacing was wonderful, the storytelling was so vivid and touching and i will remember this one for a long time. it's the story of two boys, Ari and Dante, as they grow up and start their journey into adulthood while also battling their own personal wars. Ari is a really interesting narrator to be in the head of and I honestly think that this author is so insanely good. So yeah. I liked it A LOT.

~~~~

That's all of them!!

see you next time!!

~Scarlett

#reading update #scarlett's books #reading with scarlett <3 #scarlett's recs #djats #evelyn hugo #taylor jenkins reid #bookblr #books #booklr #booklover

[softxsuki]

Umm hey, uh slight urgent request ask ?

I’ve been getting into a few violent arguments with my mother recently and it’s only been getting worse for the past few years..I have no clue what I did to make her mad but I guess it just happens..I don’t have the heart to let anyone know incase it gets worse though,

Could I request Tsukki and yams (separately ofc ,,) comforting a year after getting into an argument with their family member ?? I apologise sincerely if this is too much

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi (Seperate) Comfort Reader After They Get Into An Argument With A Family Member

Pairings: Tsukishima x Gn!Reader, Yamaguchi x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of family conflict

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 580

Summary: How Tsukki and Yamaguchi would comfort you after you have an argument with a family member

[A/N: Hey! I'm so so so sorry for the wait. Writing for characters that I'm not really focused on when I watch an anime IS HARD. I didn't really pay attention to either of them until later on in season 3 and season 4. I really need to rewatch from the beginning because my first fixation was on Nishinoya and then Oikawa and Kuroo :/. We basic over here </3. Anyway, never apologize for sending in a request. I'm willing to write whatever for my urgent requests so long as I'm familiar with the topic. Family members can say and do some hurtful things without even realizing it. I'm sorry you have to go through that with your mom :( I've had my fair share of horrible arguments with my mom as well and they can really get out of hand FAST. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to! As for your request, I write my multiple character requests as headcanons, so I hope that's okay!! Again, it's hard to picture in my head how these two would react in any situation bc I haven't really sat down to daydream about it, but I did my best! Hopefully it came out all right and this is able to give you some comfort :( <3.]

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima is the type to get angry for you

At first when you tell him what’s wrong and say that you got into an argument with a family member, he physically appears to be unbothered; however, as soon as he hears that it got violent/physical, he’s pissed

Not at you of course, but at the family member who keeps arguing with you for no apparent reason

Moving his anger aside, his main priority right now is you and making sure that you’re okay

He brings you somewhere private so you can talk it out with him if you need to, or if you’re already somewhere private, he’d sit down with you and let you vent to him

The more you explain the argument, the angrier he gets; he might let out a few insults about your family member who made you upset, but that’s just his way of showing his support for you

He’s 1000% on your side about the whole thing and thanks you for feeling comfortable enough to tell him about it

“If it gets any worse, come to me. I’ll let you stay over at my place if you need to get away from home,” he’d say with a frown

His concern for you is probably more than enough to cheer you up as you were grateful that at least one person out there cared for you to the point where they’d become upset in your stead, especially if you physically couldn’t be angry at the family member that you were getting into arguments with

Get ready for soft Tsukki—he knows you like his soft side that he only shows to you, so once his anger has passed, he’s ready to hug you and keep you close so long as no one interferes

Yamaguchi:

Yamaguchi on the other hand tries looking for a reasonable explanation as to why your family member is so upset with you to the point where they frequently try to start arguments with you

He does it for your sake so that you don’t find any faults within yourself that might make you blame yourself

“Maybe they’re just going through something and the only way they know how to deal with it, is by letting their anger out on you. I know it’s not the best solution, but it’s a possibility and unfortunately that’s just how some people deal with their issues. Just please know that it’s not your fault and you aren’t doing anything wrong.”

Seeing you so hurt and down, genuinely hurts him as well; your smile and just having you around was enough to make his day better, so seeing this issue weigh so heavily on you was disheartening

He wished he could ask your family member for you and get a straight answer as to what their problem was, but he knew it wasn’t his place to get involved in your family issues

Yamaguchi tries his best to cheer you up—whether it’s buying you your favorite food, or doing something fun with you to distract you, he’s making it his mission for the day to get you to smile again, no matter what it takes

Since this is Yamaguchi we’re talking about, this precious bean has you smiling in no time, which is a huge relief for him

He makes sure you know he’s by his phone if things start getting bad at home again so he can talk to you and comfort you whenever you need it

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 1/19/2022

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #hq x reader #tsukishima x reader #yamaguchi x reader #haikyuu #tsukishima kei #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyu x you #haikyu x y/n #haikyu x gn!reader #hq x you #hq x y/n #hq x gender neutral reader #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x gender neutral reader #yamaguchi x y/n #yamaguchi x you #haikyuu headcanons #haikyu headcanons #hq headcanons #tsukishima headcanons #yamaguchi headcanons #hq comfort #tsukishima comfort

[chihirolovebot]

a huge smile on face(s) when the kiss ends from the kiss prompt for shuichi and hajime? ty :)

— 𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 + 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓.

word count: 1.6k

content: gender neutral reader, hinanami friendship my beloved, light cursing, flustered hajime <3

notes: will do shuichi in a separate post bc this got away from me. what can i say im a hajime simp thru and thru. thank you for requesting!!

"ah... you should just tell them you like them, you know?"

hajime's hands slip on his console; it goes clattering, unheard, to the ground. he stares at chiaki with wide eyes and silent lips, but the girl doesn't even have the grace to look up after telling him something so ridiculous.

he'd just been venting! he didn't expect her to call him out like this! face burning, he retrieves the console with a mutter of apology. there's a crashing sound from chiaki's, and then the familiar chime of a game over. with a small sigh, she slumps against the back of the bench and regards him with gentle, knowing eyes.

"i can't." hajime's mouth moves before he gives it permission. "it's - they're - you know."

"what?" chiaki says demurely. "too good for you? is that what you were gonna say?"

"w-well!" hajime dithers uncomfortably, hot under the collar. "it's true, isn't it? i mean, they're an ultimate, and they're in the main building surrounded by all the other talented people, and..."

"and what?" chiaki blinks. "i'm an ultimate, aren't i? and i like hanging out with you just fine. besides, y/n likes you too. don't say i told you so, but they're always talking about you. fuyuhiko is just about sick of you and he's never even properly met you." as she speaks, she's fiddling with the buttons on her console, rebooting the game to try the fight again.

meanwhile, she has effectively knocked the wind out of hajime. he gapes at her, game forgotten on his lap. "what?" he croaks. "they - they actually talk about me?"

"all the time," chiaki confirms. "they're a pretty simple person, you know. i doubt you'd have to go all-out with your confession, or anything. maybe flowers."

"chiaki," hajime says seriously. "i'm not going to confess. i can't."

for the first time, chiaki frowns. hajime's stomach flips; he hates seeing her upset, because it happens so rarely, and it makes him feel like maybe the worst person alive. she pauses her game and turns to look at him.

"why not?" she asks slowly, as though trying to puzzle it out in her own head. "i mean. you like them, and they like you. if you don't confess, isn't it just going to torment both of you?"

"but." hajime's mouth is dry. "i'm nothing. right? i - i'm just some reserve course student. i can't..."

"sure you can. i think you're being pretty silly about this," chiaki tells him gently. hajime grimaces. chiaki is soft about it, but she always speaks her mind. it's one of his favourite and least favourite things about her. "sorry if that was rude. i just... well, i think it would make everyone happier if the two of you were together. including me. i'd like to see two of my friends happy together, you know?"

hajime's heart stops. "friends?"

chiaki's wide, amber eyes blink slowly. "of course we're friends," she says mildly. "you play video games with me." and with that, she turns her attention back to her console, and hajime is abruptly forgotten.

he can't even go into the main building to find you. how pathetic.

he has to wait outside, getting eyed and scrutinised by security who see his reserve course uniform, who plainly want to rag at him but can't because he isn't technically breaking any rules. he glares over at them whilst simultaneously hiding the bunch of flowers wrapped in cellophane at his side.

he hopes you like them. you're nice enough that you'll pretend to even if you don't, but he wants you to actually like them. wants you to have them in your room with pride. his eyes sting, suddenly. he's so stupid. drooping flowers wrapped in cheap cellophane. you literally have the ultimate chef, mechanic, photographer in your class. he's sure any of them could come up with a better gift than this. this is an awful idea, why did he ever listen to chiaki? he'll dump the flowers now, and—

the doors fly open, and a sea of brown-uniformed students come pouring out. hajime, flustered, nearly drops the flowers in shock. he keeps an eye on the crowd; most of them give him odd or disparaging looks as they flit past, but he barely sees them. chiaki wanders past, absorbed in a game already, but she pauses when she spots the flowers at his side before he can whip them out of sight. she stops only long enough to give him a brief, encouraging smile before carrying on with the crowd.

is he sweating? the hand clutching the flowers is slipping on the cellophane. he can't do this, he can't do this can't do this can't do this—

"hajime?"

he yelps; one of the last students out, you walk alongside akane owari and nekomaru nidai, who pause to eyeball him. they're not judgemental, at least - mostly curious. akane's eyes zip from you to hajime, as if wondering what on earth he's doing here.

"y/n." he can only thank his lucky stars that he didn't stammer. his face is absolutely burning. "do you - i mean - can i talk to you for a minute?"

you blink, surprised. it's not unusual for the two of you to hang out, of course. he suspects the only reason akane hasn't throttled and questioned him is that she already knows who he is. but he's never waited outside the main building like this before, and certainly not with flowers in hand. your heart skips a beat. "um. yeah, of course. hang on." you turn to akane and nekomaru, who have split identical shiteating grins. "you guys go on, i'll - i'll catch up with you tomorrow, okay?"

nekomaru claps you heartily on the shoulder as he moves past, which almost sends you flying into the asphalt. akane cackles and bellows, "use protection!" over her shoulder, which, great, now the both of you are blushing like fools.

"uh," hajime says eloquently, realising he should speak. "i. uh. shit. this already feels like a bad idea and i haven't even - okay."

"hajime," you say patiently. "don't rush yourself. i'm not gonna get annoyed, or whatever it is you think."

his eyes are a lovely shade of olive-green in the sparkling sunset, you realise unhelpfully when they widen a little in surprise. he's visibly nervous, picking at a stray thread on his jacket, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. you can't stop staring at the flowers, and your heartbeat picks up. are they... is this... is he possibly...?

mouth suddenly dry, you wait for him to gather his thoughts.

"okay," he swallows after a minute. "okay. i'm just gonna do it. y/n." and his gaze nudges up, and he's suddenly staring you straight in the eyes. it's strangely intimate, makes you feel as though he's looking right through you, and your whole body is flushing under the contact. "since we started school, you've, erm, you've always been so nice to me. i mean, more than nice, that doesn't seem like the right word, but. you know what i mean, right?" he doesn't give you a second to answer, beginning to pick up speed. "and - and at first i didn't really get it. i mean, you're an ultimate, and you're surrounded by all those talented people, and i'm just me, so i thought - i don't know, but i just really didn't get it at first. but i think i see it now. like, you're just kind. to everyone. and, uh, what i'm trying to say is - fuck. shit. okay. you know what i'm trying to say, right?"

he's bright red in the face, more flustered than you've ever seen him, even more than the time you accidentally fell asleep against his shoulder whilst the two of you watched some horror movie. it seems to be a great effort for him to look at you, but he's making himself do it because, you know, he's brave. even if he doesn't admit it to himself, he is brave. you look from his flushed cheeks, to the flowers in his hand, to the barely-concealed sparkle of hope in his lovely eyes.

and suddenly you can't not kiss him. it seems like the strangest thing in the world that you aren't kissing him right now. so despite the lurking fear that he might genuinely have a coronary if you do so without warning, you tug him forward by his tie and slot your mouth against his.

the reaction is instantaneous - he yelps, muffled against your mouth, and his hand flail like a distressed octopus. thanks to losing all motor function, the flowers go tumbling out of his grip, landing in a morose, colourful puddle at his feet. the kiss ends before he can figure out what to do with his limbs, and when you pull back he's gaping like a fish, so red that he's in real danger of overheating.

a beat. you think you may have made a mistake. and then, like waking up from a dream, hajime blinks slowly --

and then he smiles.

you rarely see him smile so genuinely. it's as if you've let the sun into a dark room; his eyes lift up, and his mouth lilts, and the violent blush on his face cools somewhat into a mild, lovesick pink. your hajime is practically glowing in the dying light; you've noticed that he's handsome before, sure, but here in the sunset with the taste of him on your mouth, he's practically ethereal.

"oh," he says absently. he's still smiling.

"oh," you echo, and you realise that you're smiling, too.

#danganronpa headcanons #danganronpa x reader #hajime x reader #hajime hinata #hajime hinata x reader #hajime headcanons #hajime imagine #hajime oneshot #hajime hinata oneshot #hajime hinata imagine #hajime hinata headcanons #hinata x reader #hinata oneshot #hinata imagine #hinata headcanons #danganronpa fluff #danganronpa imagine #danganronpa oneshot #danganronpa #sdr2 #sdr2 hajime #izuru kamakura #🗞; writing tag.

[jimalim]

1/2 ‘I know I probably sound like I’m whining but’ no it really is you just whining. And you’re presenting your whining as you being on a crusade against the general issues of fandom consumption in order to hide that the actual problem here is your personal entitlement. All of your recent leatin fics have bettered the 10% kudos/hits ratio that is generally accepted as being the bar for engagement. So many of your fics do. You are not hard done by

2/2 You just think you are because the fic you expected to go down well on the basis of you liking it the best and working on it the hardest actually didn’t go down well. It be like that sometimes. Suck it up. There is no requirement for people to hit the kudos button. And you having higher expectations of when people will kudos certainly doesn’t create the requirement for them to do so

ok, so anon I get what you're saying, and I wouldn't say you're entirely wrong. hell, I even agree that yeah, I did have higher expectations for this fic, and yes that higher bar does factor into why my disappointment is greater in this specific instance. however, that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel that way. It's a perfectly normal, human response to feel upset and/or frustrated when something you put a lot of time and effort into doesn't live up to your expectations. feeling this way and expressing it doesn't make me 'entitled'. I never compared myself to others specifically or negatively bashed anyone. I merely stated how it sucks that this fic seemingly 'performed poorly'-compared to my other fics.

you bring up my hit/kudo ratio, a metric that 1. I never brought up in my post, 2. do not even pay attention to anymore as it's a wildly inaccurate stat because it does not account for people who reread fics, multiple chapter hits, page reloadings, bots/google search hits, that you can only leave one kudo per user (2 if you sign out and leave aa guest kudo) etc. and most importantly 3. should not, and does not have any bearing over the way I'm allowed to feel about my work. just because my ratio is what some people consider 'good' or even 'better' than the typical fandom average doesn't mean I have to "suck it up" and be happy/satisfied with that. If a movie director makes a passion project that does poorly at the box office, are they not allowed to be disappointed it wasn't received as well as they liked? that kind of thinking is frankly petty and ignorant in my opinion. and if you personally take issue with me venting my valid feelings on my personal blog, then just unfollow me, assuming you do since you're complaining about a post I made with no distinguishable tags-posted at the time tumblrs tag system was broken (thankfully that looks to be fixed now!)

when I mentioned the kudo count on this fic, I said it in relation to the number of kudos I have on my other fics for this fandom. I have never written more than 5 or 6 fics for one fandom, it is a first for me having now 30 for this fandom. sure it's still a small sample size, but it's significantly larger than any body of work I've done before, and thus I have a much better understanding of when a fic 'does well' for my existing body of work. out of the 30 fics, all but 8 have over 100 kudos. the average across all my fics for this fandom is 130. so yes I am disappointed that the fic I worked the hardest on and feel is my strongest work has the least amount of kudos at 70 (at the time of the original post, now its 73) because yes, that indicates that it either wasn't as well liked or just not enough people have seen it yet, granted it is still one of my newest works (only 2 months old) so there's still plenty of time for that to grow. my mistake for not better clarifying those particular stats

my main issue being, and this is really what that post was about, the actual ratio that matters to me-the reblog/like ratio here on tumblr. take this post for example-it's the post I made when I published this fic to promote it here and hopefully drive traffic to ao3 so more people would read it. It currently has 93 notes: 59 likes and 32 reblogs. now that looks like an amazing ratio! however, if you look at those reblogs-13 of them are me trying to signal boost. so if you take me out of the equation that's 59 to 19 which is easily my best ratio on original content posts, but it still isn't moving the needle.

tumblr doesn't have an algorithm that shoves popular content in your face the way other social media sites do (and I love them for that!) so that requires organic user sharing to get any real traction. likes on tumblr do not make posts show up to new users the way you might see a tweet someone you follow like or same with a facebook post. you have to reblog a post for others who do not follow op to see it, not everyone checks the tags and half the time that shit doesn't even work.

as I said in my original post "everyone’s all for reblogging posts about how we need to support creators-but how often does that actually translate to a change in the way people consume this media?" I certainly haven't seen a change. but what I do see is the frustration from other creators who reblog those support posts to my dash, and the even larger number that then reblogs that post from me. I just want people to share the media they enjoy-and yes leaving a comment/kudo is also greatly appreciated, these things work in tandem: more reblogs on a post, the greater probability of engagement because it's being seen by a larger audience which in turn leads to more motivation for a creator to keep writing, drawing, making gifs, and videos, and edits, and so on an so forth!

TL;DR: fandom creators are allowed to be disappointed/upset/frustrated when their work doesn't get the engagement they were hoping for regardless of how 'popular' or 'well received' their other work is/perceived by people. low engagement can discourage people from making new stuff, and frankly I don't fucking blame them cause this shit hurts

#was this post too long? probably but I'm so tired of having to defend such a common sense position #you like something? please engage with it #people make these things for free and it's nice to get some validation as a little reward

[topsytervy]

I Know ~ Rafe Cameron

Blurb: despite you two being acquaintances, you two still look out for each other.

Word Count: 1,500??

Warnings: mentions of drinking, junping off a roof into a pool (does that need a warning?), swearing, i think thats it.

~~~~~~~

Rafe was in the middle of what he like to call his post-fight-with-dad-so-I'm-stealing-a-bottle-of-whatever-and- going-to-the-beach-to-have-a-pity-party when he saw you sitting in the sand, hunched over and drawing random shapes in the sand.

You were new to the island. Well, new may be the wrong term considering you moved to the island three years ago but still. To him, you were still new. You were a kook like Rafe but slightly -okay, a lot- nicer than him. You made friends easily and always felt the need to walk on eggshells and sugar coat everything. You were never too blunt -unlike Rafe- and always felt as if your issues should come last to discuss in your friend group, which often meant they were never discussed in your friend group.

"I see you've found my spot." He said, causing you to jump.

You looked up and met those infamous and alluring blue eyes that all the girls seemed to talk about. Blushing slightly, you stood up and brushed the sand from your butt.

"I'm sorry. I'll go somewhere else." You turned to leave but Rafe made a face.

"Why?"

"I figure you want to be alone."

Rafe shrugged. "This is the best spot on the beach when you need to think or just forget about the world. I don't mind sharing."

A small smile found home on your lips and you sat back down, Rafe joining you. He opened the bottle of wine he snagged earlier and took a sip before holding the bottle out to you. 

You stared at it and Rafe chuckled. "What? Scared I have cooties?"

You rolled your eyes but took the bottle from him and took a sip. "What brings Rafe Cameron, a man who prefers country club over the beach, here at this hour?" 

"The usual. What about you, Y/N Y/L/N? You don't seem like the type to be at the beach alone. You meeting someone?" 

You shook your head. "Just...here to be here."

"Somethings bugging you. I can tell." He took the bottle from your hands.

"You can?" 

"Yeah. I do have two sisters you know. You kind of get good at reading body language and reading into words. If you're not meeting someone then something has gotten you upset." Rafe took a drink from the bottle. "So, tell me whats wrong?"

"Why do you care?" You asked, trying not to make it sound rude.

"I need something to distract me from my problems and you need to vent. Seems like a win on all fronts." Rafe gave you the bottle.

You sighed, taking the bottle. "Do you even care?"

Rafe looked at you. "From what Topper and Kelce told me, you were the one person who never talked bad about me and defended me before even knowing me. Believe me, you are one of the few people I care about here." 

It was true. Rafe did, in a weird and distanced way, care about you because what Kelce and Topper said was true. He even overheard a conversation about him once where some random girl said the only thing he was good at for sex and you quickly told her that that wasn't true. That he probably was great at many things but people chose to ignore it. 

All those times you felt eyes on you at a party was because Rafe was making sure you weren't in any situation that could be dangerous. He practically had a heart attack and almost killed Topper because he dared you, in classic Topper style, to jump off the roof into the pool below. When he looked up and saw you up there, he was quick to push his drink into Kelce's hand and find his blonde friend. 

"Get her down from there!" He yelled, grabbing onto Topper’s shoulders.

"She's fine. See?" 

Rafe looked up and saw reluctance and fear on your face. "Fine? That's what fine looks like."

"She said she'd do it."

"She's been here a year. Of course she did. It's you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Topper, that if you don't get her down and tell her it was a joke, I'll make sure that you're up there and you hit the concrete instead." Rafe glared.

Topper rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go up and I'll stay down here?" 

Now it was Rafes turn to roll his eyes. "Now I see why Sarah chose John B over you." He mumbled, before making his way inside and into Toppers bedroom to get onto the roof.

He knocked on the window to announce his presence to you before climbing out. "Topper was just kidding you know." He lied, taking in your trembling state. 

"Everyone already saw me up here though so now I have to." You shivered.

Rafe shook his head. "No you don't. Don't let them pressure you into this shit when they wouldn't even come up here." 

You bit your lip, debating on chickening out and risking everyone making fun of you or doing it and risking a broken bone, which was one of the less fatal outcomes of this stunt.

"If you really don't want to chicken out, I'll do it with you." Rafe offered.

You shifted your eyes to his. "Really?"

Rafe took off his shirt and tossed it into Topper's bedroom. "Yeah. Why the fuck not." 

You smiled as Rafe walked closer to you, offering you his hand. "Ready?" 

You placed your hand in his, nodding.  

"One…" Rafe swung your arm, "Two…" another swing, "Three!" 

And then you two were off the roof and falling into the pool.

When you surfaced, people were cheering and you let out a breathy laugh, pushing your hair out of your face.

Rafe looked over at you and raised his hand. You slapped it with a grin.

"I'm Y/N." You hollered over all the noise.

"I know, I'm Rafe."

"I know."

That was the first conversation you two had. You two weren't really friends, more like acquaintances, but that didn't stop you from defending Rafe and didn't stop Rafe from looking out for you. If anything, it only made the urge to defend and protect the other stronger. 

"One of my friends just informed me that one of my closest friends has been talking bad about me back home." You broke the silence and Rafe's train of thought.

"Really?" You nodded in response, bringing the bottle to your lips. "Why would she talk bad about you?" 

You shrugged. "I don't know why he would. He's been my friend since forever and we vented to each other all the time and I thought it was okay to vent about my problems to him but I guess not. He's been telling everyone my business."

Rafe felt his jaw clench before he unclenched it, taking the bottle back. "That's fucked up."

"Yep," you breathed, "he's coming here tomorrow and staying for a few days."

"Are you gonna talk to him about it?"

You laughed, "God no. I don't really do confrontations."

"I do." Rafe smirked.

"Please no. Your confrontations end in fights." 

"Listen, all I'm saying is anyone who's spreading your business deserves to maybe lose a tooth." Rafe held up his hands. 

You rolled your eyes and gave him a shove, a small smile on your face as you looked ahead of you.

"So what? You're just gonna act like nothing happened when he gets here?" 

"That's the plan." 

Rafe shook his head. "You're too nice for your own good." 

You turned your gaze to Rafe. "Is that really a bad thing?"

Rafe looked back at you. "Only because people will use it to take advantage of you and I don't want that to happen." 

Silence fell among the two of you for a while as you continued to pass the bottle of wine back and forth.

You were the one to break it. "Rafe?"

"Hmm?" 

"Can I hug you?"

 Rafe bit his lip and nodded. You scooted closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck as his found home around your waist. His head rested on your shoulder and you sighed.

"I needed this." He mumbled into your neck, blinking back a tear.

"I know." You whispered. "If you ever need a hug, you can come to me anytime Rafe. You know that right?" You felt him nod and hold you a little tighter. "Whenever you need to get away, even if it's two in the morning, I'm here for you."

You felt a tear fall on your neck and one of your hands went to his hair. "You deserve all the love in the world Rafe."

He pulled away and wiped at his cheek as he nodded.

"Say it."

He took a small, shaky breath. "I deserve all the love in the world."

You smiled at Rafe. "Remember, anytime."

He smiled back. "I know. And you deserve a better friend than that douchebag." You let out a little laugh. "I'm serious, Y/L/N."

You nodded. "I know."

~~~~~~~~

#rafe obx #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader #drew starkey #drew obx

[iwillbeinmynest]

I posted 238 times in 2021

81 posts created (34%)

157 posts reblogged (66%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.9 posts.

I added 348 tags in 2021

#iwillbeinmynest - 85 posts

#marvel - 53 posts

#bucky barnes - 50 posts

#mcu - 32 posts

#loki - 25 posts

#tfatws - 23 posts

#sam wilson - 22 posts

#bucky x reader - 21 posts

#tfatws spoilers - 20 posts

#steve rogers - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 86 characters

#i also don’t officially know if it’s a girl but for now that’s what i’m going with lol

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Rough Day - Steve Rogers x Reader

Author's Notes: I feel like I'm really bad a writing fluff so I hope this turned out okay @unleashthebeees. I adore you and I hope you are doing well!

Prompt: (not from the list) You snap at Steve after a bad day, fluff ensues. ;)

Word Count: 450

If one more thing went wrong you were pretty sure you were gonna combust.

You’d managed to spill your coffee on your favorite shirt, run late to your morning meeting because Susan from accounting wouldn’t stop talking about her knitting club, You’d lost your earphones, Been yelled at by you boss for something that wasn’t your fault and now You stood at your apartment door looking for your keys.

“I swear if I lost them I’m gonna scream,” you mumbled.

“You okay?” Steve asked.

You jumped and screamed.

He chuckled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

You cursed. “Why did you do that? You know I hate being scared! Why are you even here!?” You screamed at him.

He stepped back and swallowed.

It was then that you saw the flowers in his hand. You were too angry to care. You rummaged through your purse again and finally found your keys. You opened your door, rushed inside and slammed it behind you.

You threw your stuff down, fell onto your bed and cried.

At some point you must have fallen asleep because when you woke up it was twilight outside. You heard noises in your kitchen and remembered Steve.

You felt sick. You didn’t mean to yell at him.

When you walked into the kitchen you saw flowers on the counter and takeout on the dinner table. He’d even lit candles.

“Hey,” he said quietly when he saw you. “You okay?”

That was all he had to say and you teared up again.

“I’m so sorry!” You walked to him and he held you in his arms.

He kissed the top of your forehead and rubbed your back. You told him about your awful day and listened as he led you to the table. You continued to vent as you ate and then he ushered you to the couch.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that,” he said as you lay in his arms.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

You felt him shake his head. “I understand. Listen, I’ll draw you a bath and you can relax for a bit while I clean up here, okay?”

You sighed. “Are you serious? What did I do to deserve you?”

He kissed you deeply. “Go on. I’ll be here when you get done.”

When you finished Steve had cleaned the kitchen, and set up the living room for a movie night. You curled up against him and he let you pick your favorite film.

“I love you,” he whispered mid-movie.

“I love you too.” You said with a quick kiss. And you fell asleep in his arms while his thumb drew little circles on your palm.

113 notes • Posted 2021-10-13 22:40:21 GMT

#4

A Decent Apology - Clark Kent x Reader

Authors Notes: Thanks for this request Anon! I hope you like it!

Prompt: 9. You'd better have a good reason for waking me up at the crack of dawn.

Word count: 510

You hadn’t meant to upset him. In fact, you weren’t exactly sure what you’d done. You and Clark had been in the kitchen at his mother’s house helping with dinner. He hadn’t been all that chatty, so you tried to lighten the mood by dancing around when you bumped into him. He glared at you and told you to quit acting like a child. His mother chastised him, but it didn’t help. He just huffed and left the room.

You didn’t stay for dinner.

You sighed and ran your hands over your face.

“Just go to sleep, y/n,” you mumbled to yourself.

You fell back onto your mattress, pulled the sheets up over your head and groaned. “Clark Kent, you are an idiot.”

A gentle hand on your shoulder woke you sometime the next morning.

“Y/n?”

You knew that voice. “Clark? What are you doing here?” You looked at your alarm clock. “It’s 5:45 in the morning!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” His voice was off. Almost regretful.

You sat up straight in the bed. “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” You could only assume the worst.

He chuckled. “No, no. It’s not- Everything is fine.”

Your shocked expression shifted quickly to aggravation. “Then you’d better have a good reason for waking me up at the crack of dawn.”

He smiled softly. “Technically, it’s not dawn yet.” He held his hand out for you.

You wanted to smack it away and be petty. Or maybe you’d settle for throwing yourself back down to the warm bed calling your name. But instead you took it.

He led you outside then pulled you close to him. He lifted the both of you off the ground and flew you to your roof.

Your small Kansas farm home was nothing special but the view was to die for. Nothing but trees and fields as far as you could see. You loved it.

As you and Clark settled on the shingles you noticed the beautiful gradient sunrise. The sun was just below the horizon and would break at any second.

Clark pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you. He kissed your cheek. “I’m sorry for last night. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.”

“It’s fine-“

“No, it’s not," he said firmly. I’m sorry.”

You looked up at him to see the reds and oranges tint his cheeks and nose. If you hadn’t seen them red before, you’d have been shocked at the color of his eyes.

“Thank you.”

Clark looked at you and in his eyes you saw the sun break and the sunrise begin.

“I love you, y/n.”

You smiled. “I’d say, as apologies go, this one is pretty good. Did you plan for me to watch the sun through your eyes, or?”

He chuckled. “Well, I figured since I see it in your eyes everyday, I should repay the favor.” He winked down at you.

See the full post

120 notes • Posted 2021-10-13 15:56:15 GMT

#3

Trend I saw on TikTok said:

“Forget your Zodiac sign. Tell me what three Marvel characters make up your personality.”

Answer and tag your friends!

Mine are Hawkeye, Pepper Potts, and Mantis

Tagging: @girl-next-door-writes @itsanerdlife @that-sokovian-bastard @cassiopeiassky @sarahwroteathing @unleashthebeees @sgtbxckybxrnes @meganlpie

123 notes • Posted 2021-06-22 00:25:37 GMT

#2

Words Hurt - Clark Kent x Reader

Author’s Notes: This was super fun to write! Thank you for this request @widowvinter​! Hopefully, I did the ending justice. I feel like my writing got cringey but I tried to push through it. So I hope You like it.

Prompts:  12. I just want to be alone right now,  13. Don’t you dare ever do that again, 18. I came here to explain what happened, and I’m not leaving until you listen,  34. Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?

Word Count:  1.2k (oops.)

Clark had his back turned. He was shooting lasers from his eyes and killing hordes of goblins. 

 You saw the rogue goblin grab a rocket launcher from the rubble and aim it at Clark.

 “No!!” On instinct, you jumped in between Clark and the threat. You pulled your balled fists in an X across your chest and then tossed them out with a shout as you threw the biggest forcefield of your life.

 The rocket exploded against the holographic wall, and the force threw you into Clark, who’d since detected the threat and turned in horror to see you defending him.

 He caught you and annihilated the final goblin. He looked down to see you slowly waking from being knocked out.

 He flew you to the rest of the league and Arthur took you from him and set you on the ground. 

 You groaned at the headache you’d acquired. “That was dumb.” You tried to chuckle but it made your head throb.

 Clark let his feet touch the ground as he examined your head. “You have a concussion.”

 “I’m fine,” you smiled at him but he scowled back.

 “You shouldn’t have done that.” Clark said angrily.

 “What are you talking about?” You looked up at him with a squint. “I was just trying to-”

 “I wouldn’t have been hurt but pushing your powers that hard was dangerous and now look at you,” he grimaced.

 “Easy, big guy,” Arthur started. “She was-”

 “I don’t care!” Superman began to rise from the ground. “It was reckless and stupid. Don’t You dare do that again! You put the whole team at risk and you are a liability out here. We can’t save the world if we’re constantly picking you up and saving your life!”

 Tears welled in your eyes and you looked to Barry.

 He nodded, and in a flash he took you and left.

...........

 You sat curled up on the couch. 

 Barry had brought you to a safe house not too far from the Wayne manor. And he’d been trying daily to convince you to come back.

 Barry brought you a cup of tea and sat in a chair across from you. “It’s been a week, y/n,” he said quietly. “How long are you gonna pretend to avoid him?”

 “Pretend?”

 He ticked his head to the side. “You and I both know he can find you like that.” He snapped his fingers.

 You did know that. 

 “You don’t have to stay,” you said. “But I’m not ready to go back.”

 He sighed. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to-”

 “He made his point very clear,” you snapped.

See the full post

134 notes • Posted 2021-10-13 22:03:28 GMT

#1

Behind the Wall - Minho x Reader(f)

Authors notes So apparently this fandom is my muse for now. I haven’t written this much in a long time. It actually feels really good to finally write something easily. This fic takes place during The Maze Runner (book). Bold words are direct quotes from the book. I do not take any credit for Dashner’s work. 

Word Count: 1.4k

Notes/Warnings: Angst! crying, fighting, fluff at the end

Masterist

  Something was wrong. He was usually back by now. “I don’t like this.” You said to Newt who stood beside you.

You could hear footsteps  in the grass behind you, the other gladers were gathering at the door.

“They’ll be back.” Newt said with very little hope in his voice. He was probably trying to convince himself.

“No he won’t, it’s too late.” You said honestly. It made you want to puke but it was the truth.

“He’ll make it. He always does.” Newt reassured as he leaned on the garden hoe he’d carried with him.

You shook your head. Something was wrong.

The doors rumbled and began to move.

You jerked forward but Newt grabbed a hold of you. “Don’t!” He said as you struggled against him.

“I can’t leave him out there!” Tears welled in your eyes. You were going to lose him.

Another pair of hands helped Newt and you looked over to see Gally holding you back.

“Let go, slinthead!�� You screamed. It was no use, though. Gally was way stronger.

“I can’t do that, Y/N.” He said firmly. “Not gonna lose you, too.”

“Look!” Newt cried.

You stopped struggling long enough to see two figures way beyond the wall. Mihno and Alby, but something was off. Was Minho carrying Alby?

“Newt!” You didn’t know why you called for him, there was nothing he could do.

There was a commotion from behind some of the gathered Gladers and then you heard Newt call out, “Don’t do it, Tommy. Don’t you bloody do it!”

Suddenly a body was running into the maze. Thomas.

While everyone was shouting for the greenie, you cried out for Minho.

You saw him find you in the crowd. He grabbed hold of Alby and tried to run faster but he fell and didn’t get back up.

Soon, you couldn’t see him anymore, just the closing doors and Thomas’ back. Then, the doors were closed.

You screamed louder than you ever had before. Minho was gone. Lost to the maze.

Gally let go of you and muttered a quiet, “I’m sorry.”

You sobbed on the ground, the world blurry around you.

Newt placed a hand on your back. “He’ll be alright, Y/N.”

You tried to compose yourself. Letting all the boys see you break like this wasn’t good for morale. You could almost hear the words coming from Alby.

See the full post

152 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 20:16:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #im surprised I didn’t post more #But also not surprised #I needed the respite from social media #But I do need to get back to reading on here more and sharing my mutual’s posts #Thanks yall #its been a great year!

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

#pinecone anon #ask #mod kait

[bovaque]

Today, I woke up and checked one of the servers I'm in's vent page and there was this post discussing (other actresses too but I haven't researched it yet and will be focusing on Anderson since she was mentioned first) how Gillian Anderson (X-Files, Hannibal, Sex Education) is transphobic. Here's that post from tumblr users @spiroandthelacktones & @caainhurst

So like a reasonable person should, I decided to do my own research before blindly believing what someone else says is true and because I believe that there's a difference between saying ignorant things about trans people and actively using your platform to hurt them.

Oh boy, did I find some shit.

So, the examples of Anderson's transphobia will lead you this this page:

And tumblr user @thedeadflag is more than happy to expose Anderson's dyed in the wool transphobia. I will be going through their points one by one.

First Point:

First off, great work on linking another tumblr that doesn't exist anymore instead of directly linking the tweet which hasn't been deleted and is very easy to find. You'd have to go to the comments to find the tweet (someone had to do your work for you it, seems)

Here's the tweet the comments shared:

Old Gregg is referring to a character from British comedy troup BBC3 show in which a swamp spirit who has a "mangina" and that is a reoccurring gag. All this along with her tweet is admittedly a bit transphobic. Her saying "fortunately" she doesn't have a mixed up downstairs is transphobic. However, the context of when this tweet was sent is missing from the photo.

Here's when it was sent. This will come up later:

On to point two:

Now if you click the link, it takes to a clip from a comic-con in 2013 (this post is from 2016) where Anderson is talking about how "they [the mighty boosh] could show "a mangina" before laughing. Hmm, this would be another point against her and be the start of a pattern except for the fact that she's referring to OLD GREGG again. OP thought they could pull a sneaky and use the same point twice without notice.

The next point is where things get...weird and where I started getting upset:

OP starts blaming her, not the writer or the director of the episode, but ANDERSON for a lame (maybe transphobic out of context) joke in the X-Files reboot that her character DOESN'T EVEN SAY. OP apparently doesn't understand how showbiz works and how tv shows and movies have ALWAYS found ways to get rid of actors, yes even big name ones, from roles of any size for putting up a fuss. But sure, it's her fault for what the writer wrote.

Now, I started getting upset when I read this line:

"Guess trans people don't count," OP says when referencing Anderson's book WHICH AT THEY TIME THEY POSTED THIS WASN'T EVEN OUT YET, but has no problem calling it transphobic without even READING IT. The SLIGHTEST amount of research will bring you this press release in promotion of it.

LIKE HOW INCLUSIVE CAN YOU GET WITH THAT STATEMENT?!?? The lack of care the op goes into proving their statement makes me mad.

So, hopefully needless to say, I deeply encourage people to do their own research before coming to conclusions about people's character. If you don't do your own research, you're not really giving your own opinion just parroting someone else's.

In the end I'm more upset at the person who used this a definitive source of Gillian Anderson's transphobia and either not bothering to fact check or not caring to. Again, I believe there is a huge difference between someone like Gillian, who said some ignorant things back in 2016 and then learned from her mistakes to and someone like JK Rowling, who actively uses her platform in order to harm the trans community.

So yeah, I don't know how to end this so hope everyone has a great day💕

#rant post #do your own research #don't just believe me because of this💕

[crqstalite]

From the prompt list? I'm sending in something simple with will, hopefully, just go in any direction you want. And that's "Always." For whichever pairing you wish :)

posting this before i chicken out, because i’ve been at this for like eight hours already lol. trying my hand at a little shakarian [petrakarian, in this case], and there’s a sprinkle of happiness if you squint ;)

edit: i’ve also never written garrus before honestly. definitely tried my best but i’m sure there are mistakes in there somewhere. regardless, happy to provide.

pairing: brione petrakis/garrus vakarian. word count: 2,611

-

She's putting it off. Leaving, as it was.

Honestly, she doesn't know why. Her bags are all packed, her dress blues are pressed and folded on the cot next to her. Her datapad has been prepped to send all of her reports straight to Alliance Command. Yet she's left her comb in her duffel, hair decidedly unbrushed around her shoulders, still sitting in her fatigues and they're only an hour out from the Citadel. She could be in the crew quarters, going over any possible assignments they could give her. She could be trying to get another couple of winks in. Anything other than being here, and desperately hanging on to what felt like the last thing she had in the galaxy.

It would've been so much easier not to be here right now, but nothing in the last year had been easy. It's harder to force herself out, hell she's been sleeping in here for the last week or so.

The lights flicker just above her, the battery still stuttering in a way that frustrated Garrus to no end. Not that they had much need for it these days, but she'd offered to take a look at it. He'd been content to let her sit nearby. Talking about trivial things during the first few days after the suicide mission with some of her senses glossed over by pain meds, maybe more than a little wine in their systems. Then it waned into painful silence as they grew closer to the station, wine bottle empty and all sentiments aired. All the things she knows she can't say, all the things she wants to.

She rolls another bandage around her hand, pulling taut. It'd been her good hand too, a lucky shot taken by a Collector that had left her unable to snipe properly during the last leg of the base assault. Still bruised and trying it's hardest to bleed through. Mordin hadn't been there to do it properly, so it had been her, hearing gunshots against the barrier they'd set up, blood gushing from her hand with Garrus asking her if she was alright. Medi-gel spilling from her shaking hands, only being able to offer suppressing fire with her Carnifex before Shepard told them to retreat. Her wrist whined from the motion, and she barely catches a blue eye darting between her and the UI when she groans.

"Still bothering you?" His voice is softer than usual when she catches him in the act, hands stilling over the keyboard, "Chakwas should really take a look at that."

"She can once we're back in Alliance space," Brione haphazardly cuts off the end of it, tucking it under one of the other wraps. She tests a smile with the nearly healed scar on her lip, "Besides, you're the one who was apparently up and fighting with Shepard not even two days after you nearly died, Garrus."

Another beat of silence before he starts again, mandibles flaring as he sighs. Exasperated with her, maybe. He'd been bothering her about it for days now, usually asking how it was and if she needed anything, "We Turians are a bit hardier than our human counterparts," He gestures to the scarred side of his head, bandage recently removed. "Brione-"

"Don't." She lays the gauze down next to her, unable to meet his eyes. She doesn't want to think about the fact these are their last days together, the fact this could very well be the last time she hears him say her name. There wasn't much guaranteed after their non-human crewmembers stepped off the ship, nothing saying he had to stay with her, even over light years separating them, "I'll see Chakwas once, once everyone is gone. Shepard will have my head if I lose a hand before we get there anyway."

"You can't hide in here forever, Brione," Is all he says, giving her a concerned look but finishing his diagnostics on the console first, "No reason in putting it off."

This talk has been a week coming. He hesitates, unsure of himself while she tries to will the tears away, turning away from him. What was she, six? She could handle a suicide mission (which they'd all nearly died on), so why was saying goodbye, saying see you later, saying that she'd see him again soon so hard? She was a captain of the Alliance military, not a babbling schoolgirl with a crush.

Except, that's what it felt like, navigating a relationship with him. She'd downright giggled at something he'd told her.

Does he know just how much he means to her?

It wasn't as if extranet access would be blocked for her when she got back to Earth. By every law that Shepard had learned (and in turn exploited) surprisingly quickly, most of the human operatives aboard the SR-2 wouldn't be arrested under the same duress she would be. Brione could still send messages to Palaven, could still say hello every once and a while.

Hello wasn't the same as being able to sit in a comfortable silence with one at the console, the other completing her daily reports with her legs folded under her, hair tied up in a messy bun at the base of neck. Hello wasn't the same as finding leftovers from the dinner prepared earlier and pulling all-nighters just to spend some time together.

Brione wasn't sure when this had turned into more, when she had started to want more. When she couldn't think of a tomorrow without him. At first, she'd just entertained it as little more than a fling, if she was going to die at the end of the year, then she could cross a few things off her bucket list. And, he was a friend. They'd met a few years before the SR-1, a one off meeting during her shore leave. Then they'd been squadmates, fighting their way through waves and waves of Geth, two snipers snipping at each other for their aim. It boggled the mind that it'd been so quick after Alchera, that she started to discover little things about him when she had little else to do. The small visits about the battery that turned into hour long conversations once she'd rejoined the Normandy. One or the other venting about a minor problem or a large one they'd held onto for so long they'd made a joke of it.

He'd patiently listened when she recounted the dressing down she'd been given after Torfan and the therapy sessions she'd attended afterwards. That, she'd never told anyone about in detail. Hated reliving the day, but it slipped from her mouth so easily while she'd been sitting on the crates. Then she'd sipped on some sort of tea Shepard had picked up on the Citadel, listening to him about Sidonis, about his time on Omega in general. That by the time they were within range of the relay, she'd simply decided she didn't want to let go. That there wasn't anyone like him, that there was so much left that she still wanted. They'd spent the night on the cot he'd dragged in here sometime ago, and she'd never felt so alive.

Then they'd survived. And then there was a whole new life expanding before her, with the Reapers looming over them. But she'd lived, they'd lived, and now she wasn't sure what they were. It wasn't a fling anymore, but she didn't know where he fit into her life.

Whether he wanted to fit in her life. She's sure he could have just about anyone, and he hadn't seemed too upset, giving her the way out of asking whether she wanted something closer to home.

How did he become her home? It could've been anywhere else, on Earth, in London, on the Citadel. But instead, it was a certain Garrus Vakarian.

"This isn't -- it isn't the end, Brione, not if you don't want it to be," He holds a hand out to her, "If I know Shepard, and I'd assume I do, she'll get us back into the thick of it within a couple months. If that."

"That might be a little optimistic," She responds, toying with her hair for a moment before grasping his hand, pulling herself up off the cot to look at him properly. She gently holds a hand against the scarred side of his head, brushing the rough plates with her thumb, "I would've been rather stupid to think this would last forever, running into the sunset. I'm just glad we had what we did, Garrus."

He leans into her touch, his other arm snaking around her waist. Why did it have to be him that she'd become attached to? The first person that'd make her feel more like a living being than a cold blooded killer that remained a few seconds from death every time she stepped off the ship?

Why is he all she can think about these days?

"I," He pauses again, "I'll always just be a comm away. If that's what you want, of course."

"Always, hm?" She asks, "Don't know how timezones work from Earth to Palaven, but if you haven't noticed, I'm not much of sleeping person. You could lose a lot of it, talking to me. But you've never minded it before now, I guess."

"It'd be better than nothing." He responds, when she drops her hand and instead pulls him closer to her. Maybe it's not the most comfortable with him in armor, and her still regularly needing their dwindling supply of pain meds, but she just wants to feel something, anything. She can't go back to the way things were, alone, and cold in an alliance apartment with nothing but her next meal going for her.

"I don't want to leave you, Garrus," She admits, her voice cracking. Brione won't cry, she wills herself not to, even as the dam strains against them, "You, damn you, you're...everything."

"You're...lovely yourself, Brione. Not like I'm itching to leave either, not when everything's already going right for once," He responds, the words thrumming through what she thinks are Turian subvocals. If Turians even can whisper, she's pretty sure he is while gently running his hands through her hair, then trailing down her back, "But I'm not sure I look all that good in...what was it Shepard called it? 'Jumpsuit orange'? Not sure how friendly the Alliance would be to me either."

"Probably not very," She tries to laugh, tries to force anything out at all, but instead all she gets is a choking sound that she could compare to a varren. A rogue tear slips out anyway, and all she hopes for is that Garrus can't see it. Why is she falling apart? Why now? She has a million and three battles under her belt, and this is what shatters her? Not a shotgun, not a scion, but this.

She'd said goodbye to so many people before. To her various adoptive parents over the years, her old COs, even Alenko more recently. None of them destroyed her like this was.

Relationships. They're impossible. They're weaknesses and vulnerabilities that your enemies are just waiting to take advantage of. Even more if your's is a cross-species liaison, one that shouldn't have become everything that it was now.

Brione doesn't want to live without him.

She can't bring herself to say it out loud, so she doesn't. He holds her a little while longer, they don't say anything but reassuring the other all would be well. Or at least they try, and it dissolves until silence when there isn't anything to say but repeat themselves ten times over. They sit for a while after that, time whittling down all the while. Her hands fit a bit oddly in his, but she can't find herself wanting to let go all the while.

Shepard's voice comes over the comm with a timer on their arrival, and she has to pick up her things, fastening the last button on her jacket and throwing her duffel bag over her shoulder. Garrus offers her one last lingering forehead touch when they reach the airlock, and she kisses him softly, knowing if she stays any longer, she won't be able to leave.

But she does. She has to be able to.

She sees him off, the glint of his blue armor the last thing she sees. She thinks she's the perfect picture of someone who was trying (and inwardly failing) to stay afloat with a forced grin and a wave as he walks off. Brione doesn't care, as much as the crew teases her about calibrations in more than one capacity. A few get a smile out of her, but she feels numb the rest of the way to Earth.

Cold. It settles in like an all too familiar blanket. The chill of not really seeing the faces of the people around her, nor acknowledging what they had to say.

She slips back into her normal routines, after the hearing. Doesn't even realize it at first, but without her usual visits to someone who wasn't dolled up in Alliance blue, there's nothing to it. She's shuttled back to the Citadel after a month, sent to work with Udina. A liaison to Alliance and from the Council, is effectively her job description. It's like clockwork, sleep, work, find something to eat if she was feeling physically up to it, work until she couldn't, then reluctantly sleep again. Fix up her sniper rifle on the weekends, take it to a range to keep herself sharp.

There's no Turian on her six though. No one there to bother her that her shot is off just a few inches so that clips the outside of the target.

She sees his face in every single one that walks by until they all blur together. She hears his voice in every C-SEC officer that speaks to Udina, to her.

It isn't until two months later that she receives a mail on her comm. Right in the middle of another one of Udina's tirades about the lack of Council support and funding, she opens it like any other email she'd received before. Calculating, tired, she reads over the sender, the subject line and is halfway through scrolling through it when the glaze over her eyes recedes and she realizes just who it is. Her breath catches in her throat, taking her leave for the afternoon.

She finally gets a call after work that day. And just as suspected, it keeps her up all night. There's so much to say, so much that she hadn't known. Her new job, his new task force. And yet, he still seems so indescribably happy to see her. That her eyes are barely being held open to focus on him, but that he's here, as much as he can be.

"Sure you don't want to take back that offer of always being on the other end of the comm? Now that we've done it, I might get a taste for it," She says, yawning as she absentmindedly rubs an eye. Udina will give her shit for being there late in the morning (in a couple hours really), but she doesn't care.

"As long as you want me to be," He nods, "Well, hopefully you don't start calling me at the oddest hours of the night or in the middle of meetings, but always, yes."

"Hm. I'll file it under consideration," She perches her head on her palm, taking in every detail the vid would let her, "Always?"

"Always. Now get some sleep, Brione," His voice softens, mandibles flaring into a smile as her vision blurs, "Good night."

Five months after that, communication to Palaven goes dark. The Reapers attack, and she watches wide-eyed as they touch down in Earth.

And her always becomes an empty promise with every refugee she watches come in during the days afterwards.

Garrus is not among them.

#mass effect #mass effect oc #original character #oc #brione petrakis #petrakarian #female original character/garrus vakarian #f!shakarian #mass effect 2 #mass effect fanfiction

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Sorry to bother you but I'm just kind of... Idk, frustrated? And I guess I need to vent. I just published a fanfic about three weeks ago, and it still barely has any views and likes, and let's not talk about the nonexistent comments. It honestly bothers me a lot mostly because I've never seen someone do anything like my idea before and I really think I'm the first one to come up with this storyline (it's a Vld fanfic btw) but like... Literally no one it's reading it and that frustrates me a lot-

Pt 2- and I know I should be patient and everything, but it just brings me down a little bit, mostly because I haven't been this excited about an idea in a long time, and I really think that if I manage this well, I can have a great fanfic but so far no one it's paying attention to it. And I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or something, but I've just always been lucky enough to have a lot of views, likes, and comments on my fanfics before, but particularly not on this one (...) (...) and I just really don't know why, (again, don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but it's necessary for context of why it frustrated me so much) because I have around 1.48K followers on Wattpad, but the story only has about 37 views so far (in total, with the 4 chapters I've published so far) and it just leaves me thinking about how maybe it's because my fanfic it's not appealing or interesting to anyone and how maybe I shouldn't continue with it... ... And just- yeah, I know I don't have the right to be frustrated when it's only been three weeks and I've only published 4 chapters so far, but it's just never been like this with my past stories so far. But again, I just... I don't really get it. Then why the f*ck is people following me if they don't like what I do? Anyway, sorry about my depressive rant hun, I just needed to let that out. Have a good night/day/life!

Hey! No need to apologize. First off, it's great that you have such a huge following!

Second, it's completely fair to feel upset when soemthing you put effort to doesn't get the recognition you want it to. That's human nature I think.

It sounds like you've tried to rationalize through it, but emotions don't care much for rationalizing.

I'm not really sure what results in lags with readers. It could be posted at times when many are busy, the app itself might be soemthing they've dropped, they might be waiting for more chapters to be up, or maybe you need more/different tags.

I would say try to promote it more. On other sites, with the announcements to followers that Wattpad lets you do, and to any friends who know of your writing (that doesn't always work, and I know that trust me. I dont think any of my friends have stuck with a story I've written but they are supportive).

I hope that venting about it eased some of the frustration as well. If it would help, and if you're comfortable, I wouldn't mind sharing a link to the work.

Again, it's reasonable and fair to feel how you feel. I hope that the reads pick up and please dont drop the story. You dont know what it could become. I nearly dropped a series I'm working on because I was running out of ideas or also at times when reader count was low, but there are also times where i realize how important the story is to some people. If this story matters to you and if it's one that held effort, dont drop it. Keep writing it. Even through that frustration. Because maybe at chapter 50 you gain 2k readers ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

♡♡♡

[acadieum]

so I saw your recent vent about your meme art vs serious art, and I went back through your blog and hearted the recent pieces that i had missed. I'm terrible about Reblogging because all of my followers already follow you, but I will do my best to fix that habit starting now. You're a really good artist, and it's a shame most people dont appreciate that

omg no no there’s no need to apologize, seriously! personally, i’m very thankful for the notes i receive on my art posts

it just upsets me bc i follow some fandom tags and i’ll see some extremely good art posts that are SERIOUSLY underappreciated in respect to their note count and then, a post that i put little time and effort into drawing has a considerable amount of notes without even really trying? like, that’s kinda messed up. 

i’m not saying you can’t rb meme art, bc personally, meme art makes me laugh and i enjoy seeing it but it’s kind of upsetting when that’s the ONLY thing getting reblogged, y’know? 

also, i’m not saying you HAVE to reblog my art or anything like that! i appreciate those who do but everyone controls their own blog’s content and i’m not going to force anyone to do anything. but it sure does help and motivate content creators when we see that people are actively supporting our work through reblogs as well! especially the one’s we work hard on versus the one’s that were drawn in under an hour. 

i’m speaking from personal experience, so maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone, but when we see that our less dedicated projects are more loved than the others, it’s kind of discouraging and can lead young artists into drawing things they don’t really want to do and they can lose their love and drive to create things. 

i went on hiatus multiple times during my art career because it became more of a task than something i enjoyed so i mean? while notes on content is good, what’s ALSO good is supporting things that the artist enjoys creating. while you may not personally be invested into EVERYTHING an artist may be into, if there’s something they do that you also enjoy, let ‘em know! small things like that really can go a long way

anyways i talked a lot in this so im wrapping it short but i hope this makes sense?? seriously though, there’s no need to apologize! i appreciate all the support i’ve received on my work and you contributed largely to that so thank you! :)

#adrien replies #sooptea