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#Or at least a neutral mental attitude. better to give yourself no expectations than BAD ones!!!!!
theswedishpajas · 5 months
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Really liked this recording and thought I might as well post it?
There are a some extra high notes in this though so be careful!! I'm a very squeaky goat!!!
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What's a common thread between ADHD and the asexuality spectrum? The answer might surprise you.
A while back, an ADHD user said in response to my question, “how did mindfulness exercises go?” a single word, “dissociation.”
It was only long after I had replied, that I had to remind myself that people think of dissociation as a scary thing.
I had to remind myself that a psychotherapist I once knew was pretty unorthodox, and gave me perspective on the matter that defused all the mysteriousness and internalized socialized discomfort surrounding it, which is ultimately rooted in both fear of the unknown or unfamiliar, and maybe a little bit of stigma, too.
Naturally, I do not talk about these sorts of things with general people IRL, so newly having a ‘conversation’ online about it did not jostle my awareness of others’ attitudes like it probably should have.
Things like anxiety and ADHD are, let’s say, more “ordinary” neurodivergences. (remember, the word applies to ALL mental illnesses, also, not just traits. Many don't consider most cases of ADHD an 'illness,' nor a lot of presentations of autism)
Those are more "ordinary." They don’t mash that “this is weird” button, so much as simply “this is very unpleasant.”
But dissociation can be the former, and not the latter.
Let me back up and explain that a bit.
People see dissociation as undesirable.
But why is it, you should ask.
Leave aside questions of physical safety. I’m just talking about sitting down somewhere, and there is no risk to you.
In the typical view, it’s not just another operation the brain can do, or an altered mind state, as we discussed it, rather, it is somehow considered a “bad” outcome.
When, ironically, for many forms of mind training, which we’ll put under the umbrella term “meditation” for simplicity’s sake, the end goal is a type of on-command dissociative state.
Whether you are internalizing your attention, externalizing your attention, or just trying to get that danged mind chatter to shut up for once and give you some peace, whichever way you are sliding along that scale, there is always the route open to you to pursue this ultimate peace.
So this person, who was trying out mindfulness?
Think, if you switched all the aircraft cockpit switches to check if everything was lighting up correctly. But instead of being an experienced pilot, you had no idea what would happen once you started testing everything out.
Accidentally withdrawing your physical senses, and seeming to distance your “self” from your body, which experienced practitioners do without batting an eye, (pun intended) would seem like a dysfunction rather than a built-in feature.
Quieting those areas of the brain dedicated to sense perception is quite a lovely experience, when you are educated on it, do it on purpose, and expect it.
Whereas anxiety is almost never a positive experience, unless it’s not really overwhelming or potent, and you’ve 'reframed' it such that it’s exciting, like any other adrenaline junkie bender.
The milder forms of dissociation, termed depersonalization or derealization, that seem to be quite common among asexual people, are also often considered as a negative thing, instead of just the current, value-neutral state of mind, which is trainable.
A much more common and even milder form happens when we sink into routine. Ever had a stretch of weeks on a job where you look back and you feel like you were sort of “automated”? Like you weren’t really present? You’re somehow a little surprised that that much time has passed?
That “time dilation,” accompanied also sometimes by a distorted sense of chronological sequence happens a lot with ADHD people, regardless of circumstances, but most everyone in the populace has experienced it at some point, barring perhaps the super privileged who have never been forced into a literally “mind numbing” job.
Maybe you’ve also experienced the sensation where you get into a car, perhaps when you’re on a familiar route you’ve driven a thousand times, or especially on long road trips, and you seem to zone out and lose time.
The brain is pretty good at conserving energy.
This is what she tells her patients, to calm their sympathetic nervous system. It circumvents that distress, that health-sapping stress response to this ultimately harmless “weird” experience, vastly improving their quality of life:
Dissociation is a continuum- many forms of it are common. Not some super strange thing corralled in a small corner of the sum total of human experience.
“Reframing” these things is essential to attaining incrementally improved mental health.
Clearing away all the internalized judgement, the feelings of wrongness, etc.
Just one more step out of the norm.
Just another neurodivergence.
It is conceptualized as unnerving when it happens suddenly and sharply, though, because it is so different from “ordinary” everyday experience.
The same way one person who hasn’t been around dogs much might react to a large dog barking with fear, and another person standing next to them having the exact same experience, trained and knowledgeable in recognizing true aggression versus excitement or mild warning, would not feel threatened.
Yes, having that particular toggle out of your grasp may be annoying and to those not given this perspective, frightening. (And if other personalities are involved, that gets much more complicated!!) But, consider. One of my mentors said calmly once, that she lost time for, say, 10 or 15 minutes while sitting down quite regularly, and felt very recharged and energized afterwards. It’s not exactly like sleep, because there’s not that head nodding and relaxation of muscles. Almost instantly gone, and instantly aware again, not that feathery transition as happens when drowsing or gradually falling asleep.
I hypothesize to her that this had probably started up because she’s involuntarily dropping into a deep delta or theta brainwave state for a bit, because that’s what she does in ‘brain entrainment’ recordings. (The frequencies are very good for relaxation when you're anxious and have a hard time unwinding yourself, others are good for focus during studying, and are therefore used by ADHD people) Unless she wants to pay some big lab to measure her neuron firing frequency though, there’s no way to tell for sure. The point is, that she directly benefits from this ‘taking a break’ from thinking. She is not bothered in the least by her mind occasionally saying, ‘you know what, I’m overwhelmed right now, gonna switch off for a bit.’ When someone gives their mind this permission to pause from its worries and senses, each the internal and external input, sometimes this is the outcome. It is not a problem to her whatsoever that this toggle occasionally moves of its own accord.
People are afraid of what they don’t understand.
But she understands it.
People are afraid of new experiences.
But to her, it’s old hat. On an MRI, each of the parts of the brain dedicated to the senses dim. Occipital lobe for sight, temporal lobe for hearing, etc.
If I were brushed up on the neuroanatomy of this process better, I could also name the parts dedicated to internal imput that would grow dimmer as she entered that state. Heck, they study this stuff so much, when interviewing meditation practitioners and testing for stuff like blood flow changes as their attention shifts, those images probably already exist.
Dissociation is not a mysterious thing.
It serves a purpose.
It’s your brain’s ‘energy saver’ mode.
Or in some cases, ‘recharge.’
So, to the person who argued that ADHD people should be cautious about using mindfulness? I must ask again, why?
Why would you forgo the benefits? Why would they tell others to do so??
Usually the main reasons dissociation causes problems, that aforementioned therapist says, is that people are overloaded to the point where it happens not when they’re relaxed, and can daydream or drift, but randomly when there’s too much pressure in their lives.
The fear response to it is just like any other overactive fear response or phobia- with time and therapeutic work, they are all resolvable.
/////////
#this post is NOT about dissociative identity disorder #only mentioned it in passing to separate it from the discussion
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twstlotus · 4 years
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hello, lotus! mayhaps i would like to request a scenario of ace and mc (gender neutral) where they share an accidental kiss :D bonus: that ace secretly has a crush on mc thank you in advance and congrats on your blog! 🤎
This one is a bit of a slow-burn, but I hope you enjoy either way!
I apologize if I wasn’t able to catch Ace’s personality. Feedback is always welcomed, though! I look to perfect my writing and be able to catch the characters and personalities of each of the twst boys (and girls) accurately.
Huge thank you to my friend @liliisacutieowo for helping me in coming up with ideas. You’re a lifesaver!
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Ace Trappola; Accidental Kiss.
Spending your free time with Ace was, of course, pleasant in its own way.
Tutoring him? That was a different story.
“Uggg…, why do we have to learn this again?” Ace grumbled, resting his head on the book Professor Trein handed to you during class. “Because of the upcoming test, dummy,” you crossed your hands. “Don’t tell me you’re going to go to make a deal with Azul again for this?”
“Well, that’s one idea out of the list,” A sigh runs dry from his lips as he rests his head on his hand. You were assigned with the task of tutoring Ace for the looming history test Professor Trein announced yesterday. Of course, you knew how much mental weightlifting you had to prepare when tutoring the Ace Trappola, but you didn’t expect it to be nearly as exhausting as this.
Initially; Ace was at least eager in having you tutor him—mostly because of his untold crush on you. Tutoring him meant that you’d spend more time with him, and that was pretty much all that was processed in his head, and all that he looked forward to—until he saw how much he actually needed to study, and so that immediately pulled him out of the initial excitement.
Ace cocked his head, “Why can’t we just ask the others about this? Like Cater, or Trey, or Jack?” He questioned, pushing away the massive book from him discreetly. “Cater and Trey are busy, and Jack’s trying to study on his own, so we shouldn’t bother him,” You stated, taking notes and identifying keywords in the pages of your book. “And I doubt you’d ever ask for Deuce’s help with this sort of thing.”
He groaned in response. Throwing his head back and using his hands as a headrest, “You got one thing right, at least. How much do you wanna bet his mind’s blowin’ up from all this reading?” He cocked a smirk with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “He’s doing better than you, probably. At least I know he’s trying to make an effort ever since the incident with Azul…, even if the guy gets distracted a lot,” A sigh slips from your lips. It was obvious that Ace was trying to dodge having to go back to reading the book by all means, and with this attitude, it’d be difficult to get him to study, let alone remember anything from this session.
You swiftly closed your book in a defeated manner while side-eyeing the redhead from across the table. “I know what you’re trying to do here, Ace, but fine—we can have a break,” you declared while tidying up the table for the next session. Ace immediately stood up with a cheeky smile. “Hell yeah! You just know exactly what I’m thinkin’, huh? You a mind-reader or something?” His cheeky smile changed to his usual mischievous one. You gave him an obvious dry laugh and hopped off your chair.
“Ha-ha, very funny. Now go get some snacks for us or something—I’m hungry and I know you have your secret stash in here,” You commanded, moving from your working space to the floor and lying against Ace’s bedside.
“Jeez. So demanding! Y’know, with an attitude like that, you’re gonna get old like Professor Trein,”
“What was that?”
“Nothing!”
Sweat made itself visible when Ace quickly spat out his last word as he shuffled through his previously locked part of his desk. From afar, it really did seem like what you two had was purely platonic—but Ace was damn good at concealing how he truly felt about you. Sure you had a few “romantic” moments together, but the possibility that Ace might have liked you in a romantic way had never struck you, even if you saw him in that way, too.
“Oh, found it! I saved this one for us.” He proudly announced with a cheerful grin on his lips while holding a bag of chips. “Eh, what’d you get there? I’ve never seen that brand before,” A curious expression crossed your face as Ace sat next to you. “Duh you haven’t seen it before, they don’t sell it here—these are Bringles! I got them from a supermarket yesterday,” He stated, passing the bag to you as you took a piece. “They’re hard to look for since a lot of people buy them. This was one of the last bags they had until it was completely sold out…, think about it—making tons of money just from chips! I could do that myself,” Ace cheered.
“You can’t even figure out half the chemicals in science class, how are you gonna make the chemicals for chips?” A playful smile tugs on your lips. “Yeesh, so distrusting. I’m not an idiot, at least I didn’t think eggs still had fertilized chicks inside of them.” He joked, causing you to remember the mini-dilemma Deuce had when he realized that eggs didn’t have chicks inside of them. “Pfft...don’t make fun of Deuce like that, Deuce is—well, he’s Deuce!” You stifled a laugh. “Oh, c’mon! I know you still find that funny! I remember you laughing your ass off when he said it, don’t make me the bad guy!” A chuckle ran from his tongue which eventually had you laughing as well.
“Haha.., fine, fine, maybe it is still funny to me.” Your laughter died down and the room became quiet.
Too quiet; until, that is, when Ace began;
“...Hey, (Y/N)? I got something to say,” He started. His expression formed into an intense one, but you didn’t take notice. “Go on. I’ll get us a drink while you’re at it,” You stood up and grabbed two cups of water from yours and Ace’s working space.
“Right, so—me and you, we’re pals, right?” His tone is different from the one he usually speaks in. “...Uh-huh,” You shortly respond, curious as to where this is going. “Yeah, yeah. So now I’m going to tell you something important. So listen up, ‘kay?”
You step forward to him with drinks in your hand and nod. Yet you fail to see the small stationery on the floor in front of you.
“I li—” He halts in his words when he realizes you didn’t see the item that eventually led to you tripping because of it. The cups fall out of your hand and you quickly steady yourself for impact. However, Ace is already reaching out for you with his body to fall on, which creates a small situation.
How small? Well, it was as small of a deal as seeing a peacock on the streets.
You fell on top of Ace and was currently kissing him.
It took a few moments for that fact to dawn on you, but when it did, your cheeks immediately flushed a deep red. Yet, even so, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away from him. Ace laid there and it was as if he was kissing back. Even giving you a sly smile into the kiss when he realized just how red you were!
After a while, you recoiled and covered your mouth in embarrassment. Thoughts were flowing in your head—“Wait, shit! ...Did I just kiss him!?” Were one of them. But Ace’s voice calling out to you brought you back,
“Jeez. You’re so clumsy,” He muttered with a seemingly bored expression before his intense one came back.
“..But that’s also why I like you.”
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Congrats on 100 followers!!! If it's no bother could I request head cannons for how protective the BL group is over their s/o? Thanks :))
[I’m assuming that these are just general jealousy level / worry-wart head-cannons? We’re not tapping into yandere on this blog lol. I’ll keep it simple, how ya like it :3] 
Dimitri: 
11/10
Boy worries 
People out there want him dead = people out there want you dead too
Some might even try to take advantage of you due to his high status 
Makes him hella clingy sometimes. Nightmares when you’re in ‘unfavorable’ circumstances aren’t rare
Even in his emo phase he’s still like this- just even more because the world is basically his enemy 
Don’t let feral dima be around when soldiers talk smack to you. He will put them in their place without mercy 
Doesn’t help that you’re basically the closest to family he’s got aside from Dedue
Dude you’re his future and he knows it. There is no one else who would stick with him through everything like you do 
Even if there was, he wouldn’t want them. No one can ever replace you
He’s not so much concerned with someone else putting the moves on you 
Okay, wait--hold that thought 
He trusts you but goddess forbid someone makes you uncomfortable. He will use his authoritative presence to make them feel like a pebble next to a boulder 
Totally glares at anyone with wandering eyes when you’re not looking. He’ll put one arm around your waist and nudge you away from them without hesitation 
  Dedue: 
3/10
He can’t stop people from making advances- he knows that 
He also can’t take action on your behalf
Sure, he doesn’t like it when people make advances towards you. The whole point of being in a relationship is so people know that you are each other’s partner 
Most of the time he just lets you deal with it. You can take care of yourself 
His mood goes foul if people dare to do it in front of him. If people thought he looked intimidating before then d a m n 
He’ll casually place a hand on your shoulder (which if you know him well is actually the most unusual thing) and ask if you need anything else before dismissing himself 
Just a little expression of clarity that you’re with him, you know, chase the bugger off  
Surprisingly not a worry-wart in any aspect aside from health 
It’s easy for someone to neglect their health; mental and physical
Don’t be surprised if he encourages you to get check-ups ritually 
If something’s an issue he expects you to come to him when you’re ready
Not pushy in the slightest 
Felix: 
8/10
Asserts d o m i n a n c e towards all threats 
His attitude is one of the top three causes for any arguments. You know the snarky remarks are part of the Felix package, but would it kill him to have some restraint occasionally? 
Despite his intelligence Felix tends to make quick assumptions. The guy has a bit of a superiority complex and doesn’t like when other people get cozy with his s/o 
Pity the fool who challenges the Fraldarious 
He views it as them not taking him seriously. 
Also slightly afraid you’ll ditch his difficult ass
He can and will tell them off. Doesn’t matter the time or scene- if he feels someone’s being too buddy-buddy then he’ll make them to get lost 
Hence the arguments. It can get bothersome when he acts out towards someone you’re friends with or if he causes a scene 
He knows that it’s out of line and that you can make your own choices, but he can’t help it 
Will apologize begrudgingly, but only to you. The other person can just live with it 
You might be able to milk it and get an apology hug lol 
In other aspects of life he’s the same way. If a politician tries to screw you over he’s right there watching from the sidelines, if you’re in battle then he’s constantly glancing at where you’re stationed, etc. 
Ashe: 
7/10
He’s your silent protector lol
Not because he’s ‘quiet’ but instead out of fear. He doesn't want to annoy you 
Ashe has a lot of insecurities. No matter how many times you tell him otherwise he’ll always think you’re out of his league 
If anyone flirts or makes suggestive comments towards you he’ll get upset 
Like, really upset 
extremely upset 
 He’ll watch from the sidelines as you diffuse the situation, lacing one hand with your own with a smile. Just you’re normal not-confrontational-at-all-Ashe. At least that’s what you see 
On the inside it’s a raging storm of emotions going on. He’s so afraid that one day you’ll wake up and realize that he’s not good enough. That he’ll have to watch you walk away and return to an empty home again 
Que nervous sweating 
He becomes a doting mother if you’re ever ill or in danger. For weeks on end he’ll become you’re second shadow 
If someone ever dares to hurt you while he’s nearby they’re getting an arrow in the back. No mercy. The fury borderline snaps the arrow between his fingers 
Hates leaving you behind or being away. Not knowing if you’re safe, happy, healthy, etc. eats him up inside 
Literally fragile glass. He can’t even tinker with the thought of you dying or he gets a stress-induced headache 
Sylvain: 
5/10
He’s so neutral towards everything that it’s honestly scary 
The fellow Lions would even say ‘creepy’ for some occasions. It’s so far off from how he behaved towards his past partners and other friends 
With his past and reputation people would think he’d at least get defensive when other people flirt with you 
He knows what players are looking for since he was one. He’s been in their shoes
Yet??? He’s indifferent towards everything???
It takes a lot to get Sylvain worked up. His laid back way of approaching conflict tends to rub off on those around him and therefore helps in avoiding arguments 
It would take either you expressing your discomfort or for the other party to attempt physical contact to make him hostile 
Even then though he’ll simply push them back before leading you away. No harm no foul,  just in and out before things escalate 
When it comes to big decisions or outbreaks he also follows a neutral approach. He waits for you to express your own wants before giving his opinions 
You want to fight in the next battle? Cool, you’re registered. What battalion are you with? Well, looks like your going a different route than him. Are you sure that’s the one you want to follow? Yeah? Nothing he can do then aside from wish you luck. 
Doesn’t mean he won’t be concerned at all though. I mean, it’s natural to be. 
His mindset is that if he doesn’t worry then you won’t either. Anxiety is contagious and you don’t need extra stress in bad situations. 
Annette: 
7/10
She doesn’t w a n t to be like this, but sometimes it’s hard to hold back jealousy 
Annette is one of those people that likes attention from the person she cares about. It makes her happy, so being ignored for someone else would really hurt 
She’s nothing special in this regard. Like any person in a relationship she’ll have her moments, but for the most part everything is fine and dandy 
The whole reason she’s above average is because of other reasons
She’ll nag you about safety precautions with logic from her studies. Being a goodie-two-shoes from a young age has her nerves spiking whenever you take needless risks 
If she wasn’t reading up on faith magic before then she is now 
The fear of being left behind is also something to chalk up on this list. If you’re gone longer than expected she’ll become antsy 
The others can always tell when she’s worried. Annette isn’t very good at hiding that kind of aura from taking over 
All in all, she’s not a very protective person. A better term would probably be “anxious”
Mercedes: 
10/10
While she isn’t the staple of ‘overprotective,’ she is still exceedingly mindful of possible disasters  
Are you really surprised? Mercedes cares about everyone no matter who they are.  
She legit prays for the souls of her enemies. The woman is a saint in human skin
This also negates any jealous bone in her body. If she ever does feel uneasy it’s just a quick pang in the chest and then it’s gone 
She doesn’t like to dwell on ‘what ifs’ because then she can’t live in the present- where people need her  
She can seriously be a bit much other times though. If you even sneeze near her she’ll ask to take your temperature 
Doesn’t matter where, who, when, etc. Mercedes takes care of everyone 
Don’t ever deny her either. She can be pushy if the situation calls for it and sometimes it’s just easier to let her do what she wants 
She’ll pray to the goddess for your safety before any battle, and send you off with extra healing potions for the times she won’t be near 
During these times she’s extra vulnerable and is more open to showing her own personal strife to others. She tries to keep optimistic but nobody’s perfect. If it becomes too much she may seek to talk with a close friend (aka Annette) 
However, her thoughts remain unclouded when others are in need. She suppresses her personal feelings until those in front of her are taken care of 
Ingrid: 
0/10
She isn’t worried 
You know better than to wrong Ingrid 
Enemies know better than to wrong you 
Either happens and someone’s gonna die 
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k347 · 4 years
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A little note for all the wonderful people who are taking a moment out of their precious time to visit this little online space I created...
(I felt the need to write this because of some 'not so great' anon asks I've been getting ever since I started here and also because I've witnessed several of both, the good and bad fandom meltdowns in these couple of years)
From My Heart To Yours-
If it isn't clear to you by the kind of things I post or if you are new to this page, let me clarify it in one single sentence. This Is A Stucky+Evanstan Blog. There will always be mostly (if not all) evanstan and stucky content posted here. If you are uncomfortable with the ship, feel free to filter the 'evanstan' / 'rpf'/ stucky tags. I completely understand why it can be bothersome, icky for people, why some of you might disapprove of it. I acknowledge, respect and understand your views, feelings and opinions, I truly do. All I am asking out of you is to not be disrespectful, dissmissive about those of mine. Please understand that you don't have to see the things/content you don't want to on your dash. The block and unfollow buttons, options for filtering tags are there for a reason. Feel free to use them if you are uncomfortable with a blog or person (including me). It'll be taking the high road and bowing out gracefully if you make a habit of using these available options instead of passing around judgements and unnecessarily cruel critisism about people whom you've never even met/ know nothing about.
Personally I adore both of these Fandom Ships. I have for a long time. But it doesn't mean I don't support you if you love/are a part of some other fandom. I don't mean to disrespect or hinder any of the other ships even if they are regarding these same characters. I try and make sure to not intrude on anyone's creative space and expect that the same attitude & decency will be returned.
This blog is my way of letting out, expressing all that love, adoration I feel. I strive to be more creative with my thoughts, my way of expression as a person with each passing day. And being a part of this fandom helps me immensely with that. I've met some amazing people online because of this. Made good friends. It is a very dear thing to me. I have talked to folks who've experienced online hate from unreasonable, anonymous sources, I've also experienced a fair share of it myself. As someone who is a psychology-enthusiast-&-student-for-life, I can assure you the (good/casual/neutral/bad/hateful) things you say to or about people leave their impacts. Not just on them, but on you too. It might seem insignificant or small, irrelevant even; but it does change the way your thoughts work in daily life. Be careful and stop before you train your mind to naturally focus more on the bad things about other people rather than the good ones. So again, I kindly request you to not be mean or hurtful to anyone you meet online (or even in real life, actually.) Offering disrespect and negativity never made anything better in the history of ever.
Lastly I would like to give my two cents about another issue (that I feel can get really toxic if we are not careful) with the fandom culture. I have made no secret of the fact that I am a fan of Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans. Yes, I have and will always post a lot of appreciation posts about them (solo and together), their works and projects, some old tbt moments. You will even find imagines, headcanons, theories, fanfics about them along with the ones about the fictional characters they have played/continue to play.
But that doesn't mean I am going to act delusionally and ignore/ unacknowledge the fact that both of them are their own person. Two actual, real human beings. I don't mean to project any of this content that I am creating on them and their lives. Making anybody uncomfortable is not my intention behind doing this, not at all. I prefer to look at it this way- "This is a world that I've created in my own mind. For fun and entertainment. Sort of like an AU. Parallel Timeline. But please understand that the stories, theories, things I'll post and write on here are pure conjecture, a lot of speculations. Hypothesis and supposition. I don't want to lose the grasp on reality and be drawned in it too much or completely, up to the point at which violation of real people's boundaries starts to become a usual routine and doesn't feel wrong."
I do not agree with the mentality of blaming, hating on people/past partners in their lives for no other apparent reason than the fact that 'they know my favs'. I completely agree that there are actions and things which people need to be held accountable for at times. Yes, you can talk about it with me but please try and remain respectful (if not that, at least be decent enough) toward all the parties involved.
Even though we as fans have invested a lot of our time, creative efforts and emotions in these two men; It does not mean they owe us, or need to explain every part of their personal/professional lives.
Please remember and don't let it be hard for you to accept the fact that these two people are not the exact fanfic versions of themselves that you read about on tumblr, they are not some experminted and perfected, flawless personalities that you've created in your own minds. It is possible for humans to mess up at times. It is only natural. Don't judge people based only on their worst mistakes, or more precisely the negative stuff you read 'online' (which 9/10 times is pure speculation and made up. fake. not facts.) Chris and Seb do not need to cater to every whim and need of the fans, they do not need to make decisions based on what people feel about them online. They can and should do whatever they want to with their lives without having to experience judgement and public scrutiny about every little step taken. Please stop putting celebrities on a pedestal and measuring them up to some impossible, unrealistic standards. If you feel too much devastation, hurt over some action of your 'fav', my advice would be to take a step back. Relax. Distance yourself from the Fandom for a bit. Do not let the 'stanning' consume you, your behaviour, rational thought process and most importantly don't let it ruin your kindness.
I love the analogy that there lives a good and a bad wolf inside every human being. Your reactions, response to things, all of it depends on which wolf you decide to feed and empower at the given moment. Choose kindness. Choose gentler responses. Choose Love over Hatred. Always.
I think the lovely @musette22 (who btw, is one of the most compassionate, talented and creative people I've met here, because of our shared love for these boys 💙) voiced this thing better than I ever could.
My apologies, if the note got too long and too deep for your liking.
I promise I am not always this boring and 'let-me-lecture-you' kind of a person 😂
On this Blog you'll also find-
A lot of silly Ramblings, Scribbles and Rants
Lot of terrible jokes and puns (you know the kind where they are so bad that they're good😅)
Fluff and smut
Q and A with the anons.
AUs
Speculations, ideas and a lot of gushing
Reblogs from all these great, talented, amazing people in the fandom
A lot of 'Marvel' things
Incorrectly placed correct quotes
Sometimes extreme use of emoticons and gifs
😂♥️😄🔥😜👻💌💦💪😇🤷
Running commentary, discussions about newly released information, keeping tracks, meltdowns, breakdowns, again rambling! , ocassional full doses of sarcasm
Sometimes going 'too much in detail' 😉
My attempts at writing stuff
A lot of content for Evanstan and Stucky
Drawing parallels, a lot of 'connecting the dots' between Chris and Seb content. Weaving the pieces of informations together.
Headcanons and stories inspired from that.
Low key, actually at times very very high key roasting of Endgame.
Lots and lots of love + appreciation showered on the movies in Captain America Triology.
Getting nostalgic and adoring the good old memories, Celebrating the present moments and Wishing for many more happy ones in the future.
All of you are very welcome here!
My ask box is always open for anyone and everyone who is interested. Send asks, questions, prompts, requests, suggetions, your ideas, theories anytime you want.
I am always up for conversations and discussions.
Lots of Love,
@k347
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arknights-imagines · 4 years
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The new OP's are alright to send in? If so then this ask is for May, HC her as Squad Leader under Doctors commands. Will she be alright ?
Tysm for the request anon! 🥺 And yes the new Operators are okay to send requests for! 🌸 I liked the idea of May leading a squad and she's such a cute character so I hope I did her justice!! 😭🥺 Happy reading! 🍡
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May as Squad Leader
Headcanon format; written in second person but mostly from the perspective of the Operators
Contains: May, Gender neutral Doctor who's meant to be the reader, Doctor supporting May sjsjjs 🥺
Word count: just about 1.5k!
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MAY
・ May is a bit of an oddball, afterall, not many know too much about her, since - regardless of whether it's legitimate, she's pretty busy with her detective business more often than not.
・ Still, you weren't bothered by her. In fact, on top of being quite fun to be around as a person, May had a lot of good potential and genuine intent, at least in your eyes.
・ You had faith in her, but people wondered where it came from. The Liberi wasn't exactly the most reliable Operator around, nor was she the most experienced, but everyone respected the fact that you saw potential in her.
・ With that being said, no one was expecting you to assign her as Squad Captain; not ever, really. Despite, during an Operation, everyone had turned to you for orders as expected, only to have their jaws drop at your quick order; "Ms. May is in charge until the Operation has ended."
・ Now, you were known for being a little outlandish in your plans, but to assign May in charge of everyone? Some of the Operators were mumbling about how you must've still been a little disoriented from waking up from the rescue mission in Chernobog.
・ Even May herself was taken back for a split second, almost dropping her little Taser, but the Sniper Operator recovered quickly, confident as always, "Ehehe, sure sure, I've got it!" Turning on her heel, she began pointing fingers and yelling orders, "All troops move out!! All troops move out!!"
・ You left the Operators in May's hands, but no one could really understand why in the world you were so lax about the situation. Nevertheless, they had their orders, and those were to listen to May while they carried out your tactical plan. That didn't mean they were particularly enthusiastic in listening to her, however. Thankfully, the Liberi was decent at knocking some sense into them.
・ "Heeeyy, heeeyy!! Be careful of shady people!" With that, May was off toward the front line, the others following, albeit with hesitance.
・ To their shock, she wasn't horrible at leading them. Her talk about needing to 'solve the case' and 'bring the criminals in' earned her a few lifted brows and odd looks, but her orders were easy to understand and execute, and were actually decently well thought-out.
・ "Split up!" "Observe carefully!!" "Forward!!" "Wait for my signal!" - The Liberi managed giving orders while looking out for her and everyone else's safety to impressive extent.
・ By some miracle, May and the squad she was leading took care of the threat; the mission was a success.
・ You reunited with May's little squad to find her glowing with a confident, victorious smile while the other Operators regrouped, surprise on their faces as they looked around the battlefield, almost in utter disbelief that they managed to win while following May's orders.
・ You already could see that she had done well, but you still had to ask, "May, mission report?"
・ Standing straight with her grin broadening, the Sniper Operator replied; "I'm a Royal Detective, Doctor! For me, there's no case that can't be solved!"
・ Word of May's success as Squad Leader that day spread quickly around Rhodes Island. Had she really led the team to victory? Even the Operators she had on the Squad were in disbelief, not denying or confirming anything. You, yourself would simply reply that May had successfully helped bring victory that day, and that everyone else should have a little more faith in her like you did.
・ You were very, very pleased with how her leadership that day had ended up. So much so, you had approached her a few days after with an offer.
・ "May?" The Liberi turned on her heel, suddenly brandishing her Taser out of nowhere, "Hey, hands where I can see 'em-...ah, sorry, Doctor." Your lips pulled into a small grin at her reaction - you were used to it by now.
・ May put her little Taser away before looking at you again, "I was on my way to go investigate that penguin, but did something happen?" You shook your head lightly, "No, I just wanted to ask; how would you like to be a permanent Squad Leader?"
・ The Liberi blinked, lifting a brow, "Hey, I'm a Royal Detective! And you're not my actual boss, Doctor, so why are you promoting me like this? Are you planning something shady?" Even though she was looking at you with her eyes narrowed to slits, you laughed lightly, "I'm not planning anything shady, May, I swear. You did very well on that other Operation where I left that squad under your care, and I think you'd be a great Squad Leader for our future Operations."
・ The Liberi seemed to hold back a huge grin, "Ehehe, a real Detective never fails a case, Doctor! But, mmm, about that offer…" Discreetly clearing her throat for a moment before looking back up to you with an aloof expression that was hiding one of utter joy, the Sniper Operator went on, "Well, I would be able to keep an eye out for shady people and look cool while going on all those mission as a leader, so…I accept! I'm very grateful for the opportunity; Thank you, Doctor!!"
・ You were very pleased, and May seemed excited to start. She slipped up a few times during her exams for the promotion, but after a few tries she passed with flying colours, officially being assigned as a Squad Leader under your command.
・ May's squad didn't stay the same all the time; she had a few permanent members that were always under her order, but the rest of the spots in the squad were left open and were filled with whatever Operators were also assigned to the Operation they were completing. Everyone who experienced being under her command were always pleasantly surprised with how the Liberi operated.
・ May only got better with each Operation she took part in. Soon enough, you began giving her orders and instruction less and less, and before either of you knew it, she was acting independently for almost every Operation. No one expected the outcome of the her successfully leading a Squad during tough Operations to be a good one, but no one could really complain either.
・ Amiya had spoken up about the whole ordeal one day, "Ms. May really did very well on that Operation, Doctor." She tilted her head at you as you watched May complete drills with her squad, "How did you know promoting her to Squad Leader would work out so perfectly?" You only smiled at Amiya, heart swelling a bit at the confident grin that May's lips curled into when the drill was successfully completed, replying simply, "Just a really good hunch, Amiya."
・ The Liberi was always a good addition to the team; her leadership skills had some room for improvement at times, but her optimism and her ability to adapt quickly even after failure was deserving of recognition; recognition those who experienced being part of her Squad soon began showing her.
・ The mentality regarding May being clumsy and unreliable broke with every victory she helped obtain. She received praise much more often, by experienced and inexperienced Operators alike.
・ "May, good job today." "Hey May, that could've been pretty bad, thanks for the save." "Wow, I would've never thought of that May! A great plan indeed!"
・ At any compliment she received, the Liberi smiled confidently, "Of course! A Detective never leaves the case unsolved or let's criminals escape!!"
・ Though she didn't show it too much, her joy about how successful and helpful she had really been to both you and so many other Operators was basically tangible.
・ May truly was grateful for the trust you had put in her, and with every person she gained the respect of, her motivation to do even better just grew.
・ After a particularly tough Operation, the Liberi left her squad to their own accords to go find you. When she did, you spared her a moment of your time; it looked like she had something important to tell you, after all.
・ "Doctor, there you are!" You smiled at her, "Hi May, I hope you've gotten some rest, that Operation sure was tiring." The Liberi stood straight, shaking her head a little lightheartedly, "Crime doesn't sleep, so neither can I! But Doctor, I came to say…" May quieted down a little, attitude a little more serious, "You aren't my real boss and even this promotion won't wash away any crimes you commit, but…you trusted me, and I'm grateful for you faith in me, and also…" She smiled lightly at you, "..well, it's just a hunch, but I think we have some good things ahead of us!"
・ May - and oddball she was. But you truly were proud of her, and you were beyond happy that she had come so very far. Placing a hand on her head and patting gently, you nodded, "You're very welcome May. I think we have good things waiting for us too."
・ Though she still had places she could improve, you were sure she'd be able to pull through, no matter how tough the situation.
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rogerrachel1995 · 4 years
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How To Avoid A High Conflict Divorce Stupendous Ideas
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Should I Stop My Divorce
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siliconwebx · 5 years
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How Responding vs. Reacting Can Improve Your Business
The biggest react vs. respond writing challenge I’ve ever faced was in a DM with my ex-roommate. She was wordy and angry, insulting and dramatic. My thumb hovered over the keyboard and I willed myself not to type. “Stick with the plan,” I told myself. From the get-go, my intentions were to clear the air and move on. Defending myself, arguing about details and repairing the friendship were not on my list. Instead of meeting her words with a flurry of my own, I kept my responses short and to-the-point.
That story packs itself nicely into one paragraph, but that situation went on for three days – three whole days to come up with about five sentences. Five calm sentences.
Stopping yourself when you’re fired up and ready to fire back is an extremely hard thing to do, in personal life as well as in business. Emotions are high, you want the problem over with and that upsetting comment is lingering there, taunting you, tempting you to smash it with a comment of your own.
Whether it’s an ongoing issue or a one-time conversation gone bad, this type of react vs. respond communication obstacle is exhausting. It can knock your energy right out of your body, make you question everything you know about your career and leave you with a stress-induced eye twitch.
In the spirit of halting a problem in its tracks, I’m going to start with the takeaway: waiting to respond will have a better outcome than reacting in-the-moment. Your rival will still be there when you’re ready to reply. Let cooler heads prevail.
React vs. Respond: Which to Choose?
Reacting is…
Emotional. Aggressive and defensive. Tense. Fast and sub-conscious. Unaware of the long-term consequences.
Responding is…
Soothing and non-threatening. Constructive. Conscious and self-aware. Considerate of everyone’s well-being.
When it comes to the “react vs. respond” debate, responding is clearly better. Your choices aren’t neutral – they’ll either improve a situation or make it worse. Reactions lead to more reactions, while responses lead to discussions and solutions.
Wait Before You Make a Decision
Articles on responding vs. reacting will give you touchy-feely checklists of what to do before you react. “Acknowledge that you’re angry. Forgive yourself for your feelings.”
You’re seeing red, though. That person just said that infuriating thing. Your head is radiating heat and your mind is swirling. Are you going to breathe deeply, meditate, journal it out and then talk to yourself in the mirror? I didn’t think so.
I’m going to simplify this for you. The one and only thing you have to do when you’re triggered and ready to blow is just wait. Wait and scream, wait and cry, wait and call your mom to complain, whatever. But wait before replying.
What happens if you don’t wait to reply?
The email you sent has the wrong “your,” you haven’t used any punctuation and you look entirely unprofessional.
You say “yes” when you mean “no” (or “no” when you mean “yes”). You agree to things or turn down opportunities without giving them the time and thought they deserve.
Points that you meant to make, that are meaningful and helpful to the conversation, are left out.
Professional relationships may be severed. Or, you may be so quick to beg for forgiveness that you repair a relationship you don’t actually want.
What happens if you do wait to respond?
You assert yourself in a way the other party respects. You get what you want and they get clear on your boundaries.
The issue is dealt with and ends swiftly, no back-and-forth necessary.
A professional relationship that you value is salvaged or one that’s run its course is professionally ended.
You set an example (and even guidelines) for the rest of the team to follow.
Whether you reply immediately or give the situation room to breathe, you’re building a habit and solidifying your go-to reaction. If you opt to wait, you’ll train yourself to always wait in these situations. Eventually, allowing for that cool down period will be your involuntary reaction.
Consider this, too: you don’t want to be the person who’s unpredictable. Successful CEOs of major businesses get fired because they lose it and fly off on a Twitter rant. “I never know how he’s going to react,” isn’t the mark of an admirable businessperson. When you choose responding vs. reacting, other people know they can rely on you to stay professional.
Crafting the Perfect (or at Least “Better”) Response
1. Revisit your values.
Remind yourself of your goals and intentions. Think about the attitude you want to have in life in general, not just in this one interaction. This will help you separate what’s important from what’s not.
2. Put the situation in context.
Now’s a good time to get super honest with yourself. What’s going on here? Is this a situation you truly care about and should care about? Can you walk away from this one without any business repercussions?
And here’s the hardest one, the question that requires a dose of truth serum: does the other person have a point?
There’s nothing harder – or more productive – than sifting through the vitriol to uncover a useful tidbit. If it’s beneficial, tell them they’re right. Either way, fix the problem for your own future.
3. Write a draft.
Write out your impromptu response, but do not send it. If the comment doesn’t require a response, throw that draft out once it’s out of your system. If you need to send something back, pull up a second document and rewrite your initial response, this time keeping your brand and voice in mind. Who do you want to be in this exchange? How do you want to come across? What would you write if all of your customers, clients or co-workers were reading it?
It’s still not time to send the second draft. Wait for a bit – you’re probably worked up again after revisiting the situation. Give it an hour or a day, then reread it. Revise it as much as you need to in order to stay in line with your goals.
Responding vs. Reacting in Common Business Scenarios
Dealing with touchy business communication gets increasingly hard the more “live” the conversation is. Here’s how to handle negative comments whether the person’s online or right in front of you.
Blog Comments
In my opinion, the negative blog comment is the easiest one to handle, both emotionally and response-wise. The resolution can go one of two ways. If it’s obvious the commenter didn’t read or understand the article, let it go. No response (or stress) necessary. Commenters who clearly read the article but have something negative to say about it or your business in general may have a point. Take a day to consider it. If they do have a point, decide which changes have to be made. Post a response that shows you agree with what they said and that you’re taking steps to fix the problem. (If they don’t have a point, you can still post a response to acknowledge the comment, but keep it neutral.)
Want to show off a bit? Check out our article about highlighting your blog’s best comments.
Emails
Emails are trickier – they’re more personal and there’s an expectation of a quick response. Here are a few tips that work for me:
If you feel like a not-so-great issue is on the horizon, avoid checking your email if you know you won’t have the mental energy or actual time to deal with it. For example, if I have an important deadline and I predict another client is going to send me a bothersome email, I’ll pause my inbox for the afternoon. This completely removes the react vs. respond debate.
Don’t reply on your phone. Even if you’ve let some time pass and you know what you’re going to say, your response is important. Mistakes slip by so easily when you’re writing and proofreading on a tiny screen.
Think about what you need to get down in writing. It’s common for emotions to run high during negotiations – money and legal issues can bring out a person’s edge. Remember that this is business, keep it professional and err on the side of being thorough instead of vague.
Live Messaging
Remember that DM conversation I told you about at the beginning of the article? Instagram’s read receipts made it difficult to pause between responses – I’d read and then take time to think, but she continued firing, assuming I wasn’t going to respond because I hadn’t said anything yet. In business, you can’t delete the barrage of messages without reading them, like I did. You have to face the music.
You have a few options, and the one you choose will depend on how difficult the conversation has become and your relationship with the person. You can stop reading what they write for now and respond later on; set your status to away; or say something simple like, “I need to take some time to think this over. I just wanted you to know that I’m not ignoring you. I’ll be in touch later this week.”
Phone Calls or In-Person Conversation
When you’re on a phone call with someone or talking to them in person and they say something that knocks you off balance, you have to think fast in order to reply sensibly. If the comment or criticism is something you’ve heard before (I get a lot of, “Oh…and you make a living just…writing?”), you’ve probably figured out a direct, un-defensive way to reply. Otherwise, though, you have to come up with something on-the-spot.
First, you can’t turn on your heel and walk away, then call the person up in a week with the perfect response, but you can take a few seconds to think. Don’t rush to fill in the pause. Second, saying, “I’m not sure how to respond at the moment,” or, “I need to take some time to think about that,” is perfectly acceptable.
If you have an idea of what the conversation is going to be about – for example, you have a 30-minute consultation with a potential client – decide what you are and are not comfortable talking about before getting on the call. That way, you won’t be pressured into giving a price quote or agreeing to terms you’re not comfortable with. “I’m not able to give you that information right now, but I’ll work up a plan and email you by the end of the week,” gives you the time you need to form a response. Responding vs. reacting is easier when you go in prepared.
You’ve Got This
Your subconscious mind, the one that reacts instead of responds, has some pretty great stuff going for it. It’s energetic, intuitive and a risk-taker. But it has to chill out in order to harness all that power and make good decisions. The point isn’t to deny your emotions, but to balance them with logic.
You’ll probably never say, “I should’ve reacted faster! I wish I hadn’t thought that through!” Picture yourself in the future to see the consequences of your choices – the ones you want to make right now when you’re still angry, as well as the other choices that have better outcomes.
You’ve mastered responding vs. reacting. You’re a self-discipline machine now. Check out this article about why that’s so important.
The post How Responding vs. Reacting Can Improve Your Business appeared first on Elegant Themes Blog.
😉SiliconWebX | 🌐ElegantThemes
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