#PhD(oing) my best

[ink-stained-clouds]

reflections on the first semester of grad school:

imposter syndrome is so real and success only makes it worse? what a scam

hobbies are a necessity, if you aren’t careful, school will consume your life (ask me how I know)

I am surprised by how much and simultaneously how little I’ve learned. Most of what I’m doing is application of what I spent undergrad learning and I really like that

I am unimaginably grateful for my cohort, I could not have survived this semester without them

#studyblr #studyspo #am studying #study motiviation #college studyblr #study inspiration #study inspo #grad studyblr #gradblr #grad studies #grad student #grad school #phdblr #PhD(oing) my best #phd(oing my best)

[aphroditesbaby1616]

Lily of the Valley - (c.b. oneshot)

O/S INSPO:  Lily of the Valley Soothing, calming, draws peace and tranquility, and repels negativity. Assists in empowering happiness and mental powers. Married couples should plant Lily of the Valley in their first garden to promote longevity of the marriage.  POSTED DATE:03/30/2024 W/C: 4,114

A/N: FINALLY!!!! I am so sorry this took forever! This O/S is based on this adorable request from the LOML @daysofyellowroses - please check out her blog! I hope this satisfies your Carmy Proposing idea! I'm sorry it took so long i've been sick, but were back baby!!! Requests are opennnn y'all! This is also heavily inspired by my amazing OOMF @gingergofastboatsmojito - In another timeline Carmy still somehow came across Madame Stardusts jewelry (she transcends time and space that woman!) , & Stella exists too! If you want to meet more of that character in the universe Ginger created (I highly recommend you do)you can read that AMAZING FIC HERE ! Please be sure to leave kudos & comments & give Ginger all the flowers she deserves!!!

WARNINGS FOR BTC: Smut, Swearing, NO USE OF Y/N - As little physical description as possible, fluffy Carmen, OC Carmy - (He's more emotionally grown obvi hahah)

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 

You pushed the heavy, bulging tote bags full of groceries up your arm as you walked back to Your&Carmy’s shared Condo Building. The wildflower seeds you’d thrown on the little patches of grass on your walks to the train, along the sidewalk on your block had finally started to bloom. Adorable tiny little flowers in vibrant shades of blue, pink, purple, yellow, and white peeking out over the sidewalk's edge. 

Spring had most definitely sprung in Chicago by this point. Your commute whilst walking to work down Michigan Ave, passing the stunning array of tulips, had told you that fiercely every time you walked to and from the train this week on the way to work. It was finally Friday, and you couldn’t be happier. 

Carmen had been so busy this week- busier than normal. You’d usually just hang out with your best friends to fill that pathetic, lonely void while grading papers and doing your own assignments- but they were busy this week too! You were convinced the universe had bound you to loneliness this week, so naturally, all you wanted to do was get home, crawl into bed, and sleep- until Carmy came in around 2 to 3 am, and get that savored 15 minutes of cuddles after his shower, before exhaustion came over you again and you fell back asleep. 

You used your special key fob to get in the door of your condo’s shared building, which to your standards was very luxurious- it included amenities you’d never even thought of. You and Carmy had moved in together 3 months ago, it took a lot of convincing on your end. You and Carmy had lived on opposite ends of town, so every time you’d see eachother, (which was very often) -  it would be an hour's drive that he insisted- or, him losing the battle- and allowing you to take the train back all those stops. 

You weren’t particularly religious,  it was more just a personal preference - that you would be at least engaged before you were to move in together. Especially before having a mortgage together. You’d told Carmy this, and he’d given you the same answer each time over the last two years he’d been begging - “Baby we know we’re in love, you know we’re eachothers forever person - we tell eachother every day! We’ve been together 3 years, Let me take care of you” 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be taken care of- it’s just…you liked working. You loved your job, you’d went to school and earned a masters degree for Christ sake, and were currently working on your PHD. You couldn’t ever see yourself giving that up, and moving in with a boyfriend and him insisting on paying all the bills made you fear you’d fall pregnant, and then your professional life would be over. 

But, Carmen had insisted to you he wasn’t interested in children unless you were. You were sure at one point you never wanted them, but you were becoming more afraid, because seeing as amazing an uncle Carmen was, how naturally kind and understanding he was of children- it brought out something in you. It was so sudden that you could imagine turning your shared library / art studio into a nursery during slow time at work. 

You walked down the hall, in no rush to be home. The only presence waiting being your cat, Truffle, Carmy had insisted on the name due to his deep black fur. 

You approached the door, confused as to why you were hearing…music? From your apartment? You shook the hope of Carmy being home this early away, not wanting to be dissapointed. The neighbors downstairs must be blasting that same kind of jazz instrumental Carmy listens to so loud that you heard it through the floor. 

You unlock the door, and sure enough the music playing softly through the condo gets a tad louder but the first thing to catch your eye was the white and pink rose petals making a trail to the kitchen. You heard Carmy humming lightly, the sound of chopping on the cutting board. 

“Bear?” You quickly nudge the door shut with your hip, not even bothering to take your shoes off and rushing down the hall into the kitchen. Sitting atop the breakfast bar, was a vase packed with beautiful pink and white roses. 

He looks up from the cutting board “My favorite girl” he stops what he was doing immediately coming and taking the bags from your shoulders, setting them down before greeting you with a sweet kiss. He cupped your cheeks gently, pulling you in to him so you were flush together with his other hand.  

“You used our card f’that right?” He asked softly when he pulled away. You roll your eyes a bit, he had insisted you get a shared credit card, and that you purchase everything with it- and at the end of the month, he will show you the statement, and only pay a quarter of the total, just another one of the ways he assured every financial burden of yours was eased significantly. 

“Yes, what is all this baby?” You asked, motioning to the roses. “Did I forget somethin? Our anniversary isn’t for another 2 months” you asked a bit nervously. Carmen wasn’t a stickler for dates, but it would break your heart if you were to forget something important. 

“No- no. I just…just love you- I wanted to show you, and especially after this week I know I’ve been crazy busy, and I’ve been comin’ in late and leavin’ early, and…I just wanted to show my best girl how much she means t’me” he kissed your forehead sweetly and you felt a blush creeping to your cheeks. 

“That’s so sweet Bear. Thank you I love you, this is…no one’s ever done this- oh my god- are those balloons?” You giggled, seeing heart shaped foil balloons tied to your chair at the table and he smiled proudly. 

“Mmhmm, the lady at the flower place said that - we can talk about it later. You wanna cook w’me? You can just watch if you want?” He asked, gently brushing his fingers through your hair. 

“I never turn down a lesson from the best, let me go get changed real quick” you headed toward the bedroom and he stopped you by your hand pulling you back into his chest, kissing your neck with wet open mouth kisses earning a giggle that you couldn’t contain. 

“Mmm- don’t go in there right now, it’s for later. I already got your pajamas right here” he said going over to the couch and grabbing your favorite pair of sweatpants and his old ‘the beef’ tshirt that to you was the most comfortable thing in the world, especially when he wore it to bed for a few nights before giving it back. 

“For later huh?” You muse, taking off your heeled booties and unbuttoning your slacks before peeling them off and trading them for your soft fuzzy grey sweatpants. 

“Mmhmm” he hummed in response and took your pants for you and your blouse and bra as well, bringing them to the laundry room as you put the shirt on and got your hair situated into a bun. 

“What are we cooking today, chef?” You asked, heading over to the kitchen to see there were little bowls of vegetables that have been precut and you gasp happily. “Stop- are we really?” You giggled. 

“I told you that it’s easy baby but you hate eggplant so ratatouille isn’t gonna be something you’re a big fan of” he chuckled. You had watched the movie with him, and told him that the ratatouille dish looked insanely delicious and that you wanted him to make it for you, but he told you your aversion to eggplant would probably turn you off the dish. 

“But there isn’t eggplant” you said looking over the dishes filled with various vegetables. 

“That’s right, this is princess ratatouille. I’ve been figurin’ out different vegetables w’Syd that would work for it, we finally got it right. We have zucchini and a few different squashes, and we have onion and garlic, tomato, bell pepper, everything you like. I think you’ll love it baby.” He said rubbing your back gently. 

“Of course I’m gonna love it bear, I love everything we make together you have the magic touch. So what’s my job?” You asked eagerly. 

“You my special sous chef, are gonna help put the veggies in and I’m gonna do the sauce” He kissed your temple gently. 

“Ok! Let me get my apron” You said, happily turning to the drawer you kept your aprons in.

“Wait-” he said, holding your arm. You look back at him and he looked…nervous.”Is…something wrong?” You questioned, brows furrowed slightly in concern.

“No- no I um….i got you a new one” he said sheepishly, walking over to the island and opening up the cupboard beneath you never used. 

“Oh- ok..Leveling up are we?” You joked, happily leaning against the counter. 

“Jesus-” he chuckled, “Close y’r fuckin eyes- carnival psychic” he teases and you laughed, obliging and closing your eyes.

“Carnival psychic?” you asked and he came over gently putting bundle of fabric in your awaiting hands.

“I swear t’god- you went snoopin’? Open your eyes” he said. You opened your eyes, looking into your hands and seeing an apron. It was white, just like his, and folded perfectly. In thick black letters, intricately painted, ‘ Will You Marry Me? ‘ Adorned with a little red heart over the center pocket that had a square shaped bump.

You felt all of the blood leave your face, your knees feeling wobbly, your mouth gaping in to an O shape, as you stare down at the apron. “Where did you get this?” you whispered, completely awestruck. 

“I-I…um…made it?” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I- shit. Fuck- is this not how you pictured it? I’m so fuckin sorry babe- I-I thought…I dunno- like.. You wanted it private? Cause I know you said you’d never-” he’s interrupted by your lips crashing on his in a fervent wanting kiss, a mix of spit and teeth and lips and tongues, he moans softly into your mouth, squeezing your waist.

You were pressed together so firmly that the small box dug into your ribs, eventually pulling away from him with shaking hands and reaching into the pocket, pulling out the small black velvet box. You ever so carefully opened it, your breath catching in your throat when you saw the absolutely breathtaking ring.

“I-it’s not uh..not a diamond- cause I know you said-” you interrupt him

“Princesses and Queens don’t wear diamonds, they wear crystals” you finished, staring at the beautifully cut opal, at least 8 carats, banded by a intricate edwardian band… nothing short of a ring for a Goddess.

“But..But- this one…it does- it has both…because uh” he swallows thickly. “It…in my mind- when I s-saw it, it represented your soul, and your physical body.. And I liked that. Cause- y’re my diamond, but you’re also my queen, my everything, baby. Like how - how you said that…you wished your aura was opal? It is. It is, angel. And every time you look at that, I want you to remember that you’re beautiful from your diamond exterior, to your opal soul” he brushed his finger over the ring, before meeting your gaze once again.

He gently wiped the tears that were running down your cheeks freely, hot and wet and open. It was rare that Carmy genuinely used his words rather then his actions to express his love for you, so you were nothing short of savoring this. “Holy fucking shit” you laughed, shaking your head and looking down at the ring box. “Put it on my hand” you held your left hand out. 

He chuckled a bit, “so… yes? You will?” he asked carefully, pulling the ring out of the box.

“Are you kidding, YES! Put this ring on my finger and fuck me dumb- this is all i’ve ever wanted, Bear, I fucking love you- and youre asking if I want you to be my husband?! I’ve wanted nothing more for two years- at least!” you shake your left hand for emphasis, a wide large grin on your face.

He carefully slid the ring over your manicured finger, and it just made you cry more how it fit perfectly. “How do you know my size?!” you asked, since most of the vintage rings he'd bought you were adjustable so it didn't matter the size of the rings he’d gotten for you before.

He chuckled a bit, “so- y’re ring…y’know the one…y’thought you lost it at Chipotle like…ahhh- 8 months ago now? In the bathroom? Y’took it off at the table, you wore it on your ring finger so I had to take my chance. You kept sayin how it was like- the only ring you’d found that fit without takin’ it to the jewler. So uh” he dug in his jeans pocket, placing your beloved vintage ring with your starsign on it in your palm.

“I got that ring, based on the size. I got it uhhh…sorry dont be offended- it’s not new… I got it at an estate sale of this lady- it was crazy- the way I came across it babe… like fate. It was when Syd and I went to New York for that interview, she literally dragged me to this sale cause she said the lady who died was said to have a bunch of vintage fur and stuff she was looking f’somethin- anyway. We met the lady’s daughter- Stella? I think it was? Doesn’t matter… but she um..said her Ma was some crazy astrology nut, also said she only wore crystals. So I took a look… that was the first box I opened. And y’ring on my pinky, it fit perfect, so I tried it on- it fit like a glove. I’m glad we don't have to size it. Asked her if it was real, she said - her Ma told ‘er some…. Like life coach? Er- astrologer life coach author? Gave it to ‘er on a trip to Jamaica in the 60’s. Told ‘er ‘this ring will someday be worn on a hand proudly as a devotion of true love’- Miss- No! Madame ! Madame Stardust. Nutty name right?” he chuckled a bit. 

You smiled proudly at the ring, a devotion of true love indeed. “I think” you turned to the counter, stacking the bowls of vegetables together and putting them in the fridge as you friskily countered “you are not going in to work at all next week- wifes orders” you walked over to him, hips swaying. “And after you fuck me absolutely stupid” you grabbed his collar, pulling him in so your faces were meer inches apart “Oh- and we talk about how this mademe stardust? Confirms that our souls are indeed woven together like a fucking wicker basket” you kiss him roughly, weaving your fingers through his dirty blonde curls and tugging firmly. 

He moaned into your mouth, his hands trailing down and squeezing your ass firmly. You hummed in satisfaction, leaning against him and he stumbled back, back, back, pushing the bedroom door open with a squeak. You looked up, Breaking your kiss with wide eyes.

All throughout the bedroom, were printed photos of you and Carmy throughout the years, suspended with clear wire so it was as if the photos were floating midair. You clasp your hands over your mouth, admiring all the hard work and pure thought that had went into the gesture. You looked over all the photos, three years of memories hanging before you like a gallery of love surrounding you, all of your fondest happiest memories at every flicker of your eyes.

“Carmen” you whispered, walking forward and admiring each and every photograph…

He comes behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“Y’know how you said no work next week…” he said softly, kissing up your neck with wet, sexy, open mouthed kisses. “We leave Sunday… F’Cyprus” He said hotly in your ear, his breath tickling your neck causing a moan to escape your lips as he gently lifts your shirt, palming your breast gently.

“Is- is that-” you breathe out

“We’re getting a tour of Aphrodites Baths” he said softly, rolling your taught nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Ah- y-you remembered?” you gasped, he let out a soft deep chuckle, Kissing the corner of your mouth and gently laying you down upon the soft sheets of your shared bed. 

“I’d have proposed over a year ago- when I got the fuckin’ ring if i coulda gotten us the tour sooner” he muttered into your skin, tugging off your- (his) shirt, leaving supple, gentle kisses over your stomach and up your ribs.

“Mm- are we- can we swim?” I asked hopefully.

He  gently wipes your tears away, “No” he said a bit sadly, “We can dip our hands… some asshole ruined swimming for people years ago…before we met…but- we were also gonna Parga Greece, baby. We’re spending 2 days in Cyprus, then flying to Parga on a charter- we can swim, fuck, do whatever in those waters baby. Amidst the Goddess of the Underworld f’five whole days” he smirked and you gasped, as if he’d gotten you the moon on a string.

“The Acheron River?” you whisper and he nodded, gently rubbing his thumb over your lips.

“That is the sexiest thing i’ve ever heard in my life- you’re gonna make me cum in the 2nd most famous river of Hell?” you giggled and he snorts a laugh, pushing you on the bed gently.

“Fuck yeah, you little fuckin’ freak” he teased, tugging off your panties and sweatpants in one swift pull, leaving you soaked and bare before him.

You gasped at the rough action, quickly being soothed by soft, sweet kisses over your hipbones. 

“I fuckin smell y’kitten fuck” he growled, kissing the inner of your thigh in the way that made you creen. 

“Shit- good- right? If y’compared me to a seafood market i’d break your nose” you teased, hooking the crooks of your knees over his shoulders, shivering when he leaned in closer, his hot breath directly over your clit- his lapis blue eyes boring into yours.

“That question doesn’t deserve an answer” he grumbled hotly, spreading your folds with his fingers and admiring the wet, slick, mess in front of him. “S’fuckin pretty princess- fuckin’ prettiest pussy in the world” he nearly moaned, burrying his mouth where you needed him most, eyes fixed on yours.

You couldn’t even make a sound- a hot breathy gasp escaping your slack-jawed stance as your head flopped back on the mattress with a soft bounce. “Mmmmm shit” Carmy hummed, satisfied with your taste as if he was devouring his favorite dessert.

“F-Ffuuuckkk” you whimpered out pathetically, voice cracking and bleeding out between the fracture lines of your hot intense pleasure.

“Mmhmm-mmmhmmm” Carmy mumbled confidently against your now firm clit, tongue flicking over it at a mind-numbing pace, bringing you right to the edge and hanging you there by a single finger.

“Ahhhh-Ahhhh-Fuck!! Carmy! Oh- ohhhh!!!” You whined, spine pointing in an arch off the mattress, your hips and thighs quivering and shaking wildly as your orgasm crashed over you like hot lightning before you could even warn him, or know yourself it was so close.

“Goooood girl, thats it- mm- my good fuckin’ girl- Y’gonna be my fuckin’ wife baby? Mmm? Gonna be mine? F’rever?” He grumbled, placing a gentle kiss to your clit before placing gentle yet firm pressure over it with the pad of his tongue that made your hips buck with a mind of their own.

He chuckled slightly into your heat, the vibration causing you to whine pathetically. “Y-yes-yes-fuck i’mfuckinyoursBear-y’gonnamakemey’wife? Yeah? Gonna make me Mrs. fuckin Carmen Berzatto?” you slurred, pulling him into a messy wanting kiss, soughing at the flavor of your core coating his spit.

“Fuckin- spit in my fucking mouth- claim me” you groaned. He smiled against your lips, pulling away slightly, a thick hot string of saliva connecting the two of you.

“So fuckin dirty” he grumbled with a smirk “Open that filthy fucking mouth” he ordered, getting quiet for a moment as he gathered saliva in the front of his mouth.

You obeyed him immediately - your jaw going slack, tongue stuck out ever so slightly and eyes fluttered shut. Then- you felt it, hot, sweet, salty saliva coating your tongue, you groan at the flavor as it continues pooling over your tastebuds. “Do not fucking swallow yet- greedy girl” he tapped your chin firmly, before pulling your jaw open wider with Tthe pad of his thumb. 

“Stick out that pretty little tongue” he grumbled, you obeyed with a smile, opening wide as you could, sticking your tongue out far, showing off the creamy white saliva he’d dressed your tongue in, so much it was seeping down onto your chin, threatening to coat the front and back of your throat.

“Good girl- that's my good little kitten” he purred, “How d’you want me princess?” he gently collected the excess saliva from your chin on his thumb, sucking it off his digit hotly as he awaits your response while you swallow gratefully, the taste setting your soul ablaze.

“I want you to fucking claim me, Carmy, holy fuck- use me, worship me, fuck me like a goddamn animal- whatever you fucking want- please” you begged after you’d savored the taste while you swallowed, his sky blue eyes going dark as navy slacks with lust at the admission. 

“Yeah? Why not all three?” he pushed you down to the mattress by your throat, not hard enough to bruise- but hard enough for the breath to leave your lungs and your core to throb so hard you were clenching your thighs, trying to give any solace of pressure to your swollen aching clit.

“P-please” you stuttered, writhing against the mattress and he chuckled darkly. 

“Are we a little needy? Mmm princess?” he pushes your knees apart with his thigh, aiding the throbbing pressure with his strong fingers, rubbing firm, slow circles into the twitching bud that made your hips snap into the mattress and head fall back to the bed, eyes rolling back with a sharp gasp of pleasure. 

“Pl-please-” you gasp out, spine arching sharply as he replaced his fingers with his mouth on your clit, 2 fingers slipping inside of you with no resistance due to the fact your core was so soaked it was beginning to pool at the dip of your bum and soak the sheets. The squelching as he pumped into your g-spot mixed with your high-pitched moans and frisky growls was absolute sin.

He opens his jaw wider, tonguing your entrance wildly and nuzzling his strong nose against your clit in broad strokes, randomly flicking back and forth quickly making you squeal in pleasure as you grind against his mouth, fully out of control of your movements as if you were a puppet on a string.

“H-Hooooo-i’m cumming- oh- don’t you dare fucking stop Carmen” you growled, grabbing his curls and pullinghim further into your core. “I’m cumming- i’mcumming-holy-holyfuck-imfuuuckiing-AAAH!” your thighs and hips shake and quiver, stars of ethereal white filling your vision.

“Mmhmmm” he grumbled, coming up and sucking your nipple with his slick lips, his chin and nose soaked with your arousal, so much so his chin dripped onto your ribs. 

“H-Oh-yes Bear” you whined out, head tilting to meet his gaze. “I need you- I-I need you inside- like- fuck- when you- you have my knees around your hips and y-you fuckin’- just drill me Carmy- I need that- need you deep” You reverberated wantingly, wrapping your thighs around his waist taughtly, making it easier for him to take you exactly how you wanted.

“Jesus Christ- I can’t fuckin’ stand y’baby. Y’re like a fuckin’ drug- it’s like I fuckin’ function unless I’ve had a hit” he nibbed your collarbone, quickly removing his jeans and boxers, aligning himself with your entrance.

You gave him a mischievous smile, inching your hips forward. “C’mon- I don’t give a fuck ‘bout cooking right now- fuck me absolutely dumb- then take me to Sam’s f’r chocolate chip pancakes- sure that waitress will be over the moon bout my ring” you mused, capturing our lips together, as he scoops up your shoulders and holds you chest to chest, your third of many orgasms that night building throughout every muscle.

It was going to be a long night….

#carmen berzatto #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear fic #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x reader #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fandom #borders & banners by saradika

[nathandrakeisabottom]

Headcannons about them with an anxious SO? Love your stuff x

Thank you, friend! Now, in full canonical honesty, I don’t believe that either Nathan or Sam would be particularly good at dealing with their deeper anxiety, let alone someone else’s, let alone someone else’s who they loved dearly and would only be afraid to make it worse (that many crumbling bridges and a guy’s gotta if consider his only superpower is the ability to destroy everything he touches) for most of their young lives. 

However, I do believe that post-UC4 (perhaps a little earlier for Nathan), and a good dose of necessary therapy (paid for in pirate coins, of course)--- they’d be more than willing to finally take on the challenge. 

For themselves, and for the person they love more than anything.

Drakes with an Anxious S/O Headcanons

Nathan:

In his younger days, the prince of the awkward smile and half-hearted clap on the back. A pulley doll whose only catchphrases were “Man, that’s hard”, “Yeah. Yeesh.”, and “Soooo, I guess this would be a bad time for a joke, huh?”. Scurries to the bathroom as soon as they’re not in tears anymore, and stays there for as long as it takes to stop hearing the residual sobs.

However, his late 30s and 40s bring him a much healthier perspective (and therapy— Jesus, finally) and being the smarty pants he is, he passes on no opportunity to put his new skills and knowledge to use.

That playfulness and desire to find the lightness in even the hardest situations never leaves him at any age, though.

A panic attack? “‘Is something… wrong with you’? You realize you’re talking to the guy who accidentally destroys ancient temples for a living, as an archaeologist? And I still consider myself a not so bad guy. So in my eyes, you’re basically a lesser known Mesopotamian god.”

Got a bad grade? “A D in Psychometrics? I don’t know, sounds like they don’t know anything about math if they’re using a letter to grade you. Maybe they should go get their teaching certificates checked. Hey, how ‘bout I just draw you a PhD myself? You know I have an eye for art.” 

Dealing with shitty parents? Landlord? Roommates? Exes who won’t leave you the fuck alone? “What? That buffoon? Guy who can’t even spell their own name right? That bastard isn’t worth a thought of a thought of a thought in your head. Pretty sure they haven’t had a thought in their own head since 1996.”

As soon as his first wide-toothed smile is won, he’s leaning into his partner with a secretive smirk: “Ya wanna get the fuck out of here?” 

Because distractions always helped him before. 

Will act especially gentlemanly, and theatrically play it up, while taking their partner for a frozen yogurt, antique shop, Target trip, public park, laser tag (yes, really) decompress. Bows when he opens the car door for them. Pays for everything. Calls them ‘your majesty’ for the entirety of the excursion.

All he wants is to get them to smile. And he’s not stopping until he sees it. 

When the night creeps in and his S/O starts to lose steam, Nathan’s own worry grows more obvious, though he tries his best to keep it to himself. 

Watches them with wide eyes. Gives them space, but still asks every few minutes if they need a cup of water. No? Tea? Arnold Palmer? Popsicle? Massage? Hot Pocket? Sexy pillow fight? However many it takes to make his partner laugh again. But he fully means every offer he gives.

Says nothing as he helps them undress and into their PJs. Touches are tender and intimate, gently rubs their shoulders and neck. Never too hard, never too direct. Plays the friendly ghost and lets their partner take the lead, but never, ever just sits around to watch.

Makes them a beverage of some sort, even if they say no. Hot lemonade with honey is his personal homecure. Says yellow is a happy color, so it must be good for you.

And right before they turn the lights out, Nate timidly offers— with a shy, trying chuckle— if they want him to read them a bedtime story. 

Somehow shocked every time they say yes. Mumbles something self-derogatory about himself (“Ya know, not the best actor, but—” “Personally I think I have the voice of a dying goose, but—”) before sitting on the nearest surface and cracking open a book.

If he’s still feeling a little awkward, will uneasily ask if they wanna hear what he’s been reading lately, and will do so if asked— but really wants to read the pirate storybooks his mother read to him and Sam when they were kids.

It always made him feel better when the world felt too big, too scary, too cruel. 

So he wants to share it with the person he loves. 

He wants to share everything with the person he loves.

And without even asking, goes to the medicine cabinet and brings them a tablet of whatever they need when the anxiety gets especially bad, and says “I know, it’s scary. But we’ve been through scary before, right?” with a kiss on the cheek as they swallow it down with a sip of lemonade.

Lingers, eyes down, and vaguely nods to nobody as he stands and walks to the door.

“Want me… uh, want me to keep reading to you?” But he offers before he can even get past the door frame. 

“Do you want me to want you to keep reading to me?” 

And the last thing he wants to see is his love, alone. The idea of them crying beneath the covers because they were too afraid to burden him with it, too afraid to be seen. Everything he felt he had to do when he was 6 and his mother “passed”, age 9, 10, 11, 12 after a black eye, the words that his brain told him wrong: spoken aloud by the playground bullies he feared he’d never be stronger than. 

But he knew they were wrong. The bullies were wrong. The ones in his brain. The ones in theirs.

“Yes.” He replies without missing a beat. 

And he makes sure to hold their hand in his free one until the second they fall asleep… and a few hours after, just to be safe.

The next morning they fucking better expect breakfast in bed— and he maybe, just maybe, might even be willing to spring for McDonald’s, if that’s what they want. As long as they promise to eat actual fruit after. And hell, maybe even a vegetable or two when he makes dinner that night. Did you know that eating right and exercise are actually primary solutions to poor mental health—? That’s what Dr. Dorian said— No, potatoes don’t count as a vegetable— no, especially not if it’s fried— NO, FRENCH FRIES DON’T COUNT, BABY—

Sam:

Sam takes a bit longer to warm up to discussing anxiety than Nathan does, mostly due to struggling so deeply with it on his own. It’s not like prisoners (or Shoreline guards) made the most comforting companions. 

The better he could keep secrets, the less he could reveal, the safer he’d be.

So it makes sense that it’s both his greatest strength and weakness when it comes to emotionally turbulent times. 

In his younger, more avoidant years, he’d be the first to leave the room, leave the building, hell, sometimes even leave the city after a particularly heavy cry or confrontation with his then-partner. Only to come back the next morning and act like nothing ever happened. 

But now, he doesn’t run. After prison, after Rafe, after Madagascar, all he wants is to be allowed to stay. To be wanted to stay by someone who loves him. 

Is happiest to just sit with you in the silence. His biggest skill is his ability to weather the storm. And whether you need to scream bloody murder, or need to sit and decompress and just fucking feel, but can’t do it alone, Sam’s there. Listening. 

Once you’re done talking, he takes one last, long drag of his cigarette, stubs it out onto the pavement, and asks simply: “So do you want solutions… or something else, sweet’art?” 

You can see in his eyes— darting less than solid, certain against your own— that he really means it, in every way that he was too afraid to when he was younger.

The wonderful and terrifying thing about having anxiety while Sam is there is that it’s a vulnerable experience for the both of you. He’s learning, discovering, trying right along with you. And he may not be able to lift you up so easily, but he’ll be able to sink into the dark places with you, and not be afraid to see what’s down there. 

And maybe seeing someone he loves so deeply, sees as so beautiful, so smart, so kind, so wonderful, so absolutely perfect to him feel the same ways he does about himself… maybe it makes him think that he’s not as terrible as his brain tells him, either. 

Helps you take action by letting himself (finally) not be the smart one: “When ya… get like this, what do you usually do first, sweet’art? Paint me a pit’chure.” Gives you complete control, and smiles softly when you wipe your tears and the logical, the archaeological mind awakens. Mimics unraveling an ancient map when you begin to explain, and you inadvertently hiccup out a laugh. 

At times, it’ll feel like he’s trying to run again, but when he stands up and walks across the room— he always returns. This time with your favorite of his jackets, the denim one that smells like him even though he just cleaned it, and drapes it protectively over your shoulders. Clasps his palm at the back of your neck and rubs out the knot he always finds there. Smiles toothy and wide when your words are broken up by sighs of relief. Only to be filled once again with silence, gazes meeting sweet and safe. 

“Remember Indonesia?” He offers with a smirk, despite your furrowed brow.

“I guess? What about—?” 

“I read the runes’ instructions and ran us in circles all around Bali, only to reread the transcript and realized I got three letters completely wrong. J—V—A. Java. It was goddamn Java the entire time.” 

“Your point being?” 

He smiles and shrugs. Trying. Maybe he’s wrong, a foreigner in some ancient, uncertain land, but he tries.

“Sometimes our brains are just wrong.” He tries for you. “That’s all.”

You sniffle, and he leans in to press a prickly kiss to your cheek. His jacket is still warm from the dryer, wafting with the residual sting of cigarette, Old Spice Captain, cheap mouthwash, even cheaper aftershave, and something else completely unnameable. 

And maybe some others would think the scent appalling, but it’s the strangeness, the specificity, and yes, the stank— everything that makes Sam him— that makes you love it. Love him. The depth. The difference. 

The pain, and what he chose to do with it. 

Another kiss, this time down your neck. This time, the sigh of relief is his own.

What he chose to change it into. 

“So… any chance sex therapy might be a thing?” He asks grinningly.

“Why don’t we find out, ‘sweet’art’?”

#uncharted #uncharted 4: a thief's end #nathan drake #sam drake #nathan drake x reader #sam drake x reader #happy christmas yall!!! #and for those are yall who struggle today. you arent alone #feel free to jump into my inbox and geek out with me #sometimes family is just someone you share blood with #and that's allowed to be it #shea out

[thankeywa]

hi babes i hope YOU MISSED MY SUPER DETAILED REQUESTS! so, for a long time now im craving for the “rut”, “heat”, “nest” and other a/b/o dynamics inserted on avatar universe, so i WAS HOPING:

could you pretty please write something about lo’ak and reader (a female na’vi) where they're best friends and both insanely in love w each other – reader already had her "cerimony" meaning she needs to find a partner soon, but lo'ak has been convincing readers parents to decline any mate offers because none of them is good enough for her. one day, reader's heat come and bsf lo’ak comes to the rescue? i need a cocky possessive lo’ak in my life and I KNOW you're the one whos gonna gimme !!!!!

lov u, drink water and stay safe <3

The Right Profile | Lo'ak x fem!Omaticaya! reader (a/b/o smut).

Happy Valentine's Day to all my readers! As always, requests are open. Minors DNI!

A.N= everyone needs to know that every time you send me a request my mind makes me put everything on standby until I get it done. Also, I have a major weakness for a/b/o and I've been dying for someone to send me a request like this, so yeah, your wish is my command. For anyone who wanted the new installment of Star-crossed instead of this, you can send your complaints to @punkrockrogers (I'm kidding, obviously).

Summary: exactly what's in the request but I found some juicy canon info about Lo'ak failing to tame an ikran on his first attempt and almost dying in the process, and you can bet I'm going to use that for this fic. So, our boi failed his driver's test therefore he does not get to smash. Both Lo'ak and reader are aged up (20 y/o). Title from the song 'The right profile' by the Clash. Quotes in this: one is from Avatar 2009 and the other is by Goethe.

T.W= this is going to be A LOT, if there ever were an Omegaverse phd course, I would be teaching that class, so if that stuff is not for you, scroll away now. NSFW: p. in v., a/b/o dynamics, mating cycles (heat, rut), marking, scent marking, knotting, breeding, also possessive!Lo'ak (our boi is a lil ooc in this, I don't condone this type of behavior in a relationship, it's all for the sake of the story, you know the drill, if this might be disturbing to you, again give this story a miss).

word count: 8k

Mini na'vi dictionary:

'evi= child (said affectionately by an elder)

Tsurokx= rest/sleep

yawne= beloved

syulang= flower

Ngaytxoa= forgive me

Oeya= my (possessive)

yìmkxa= banshee catcher

The Na'vi say that every person is born twice. The second time is when you earn your place among the people, forever.

"I do not wish to take part in the Uniltaron without you." Y/n had told Lo'ak, still distraught from the events of that day. His best friend had been the first of their group to manage to tame her ikran, of course, she had. And now she was set to take part in the Dream Hunt before finally taking her rightful place among the people along with the rest of Lo'ak's peers, while he was left behind.

He had failed and almost fallen to his death during his attempt, and now his parents were going to make him wait until he was 'truly ready' before he could try again. His father had thought it was somehow his business to step in and stop him from trying his second attempt at taming the banshee then and there. Lo'ak had never felt more embarrassed, especially because y/n had immediately dismounted from her ikran and run to his aid the second she'd seen the scene unfold before her eyes.

"You have already waited five years for me to complete my training..." Lo'ak dismissed her words. "And I won't be the reason you wait any longer..." Y/n had never said it out loud, but Lo'ak knew it was true. She'd been postponing her rite of passage so that they would have joined the clan together, and he couldn't deal with it anymore.

"But Lo'ak, I do not care about-"

"Well, you should care." He snapped at her, not really knowing where his anger was coming from. Sure, he'd just had what could have been described as the worst day of his life, but something and been simmering inside him all week. And now Lo'ak felt like he'd reached his limit. In a few hours, the young Na'vi male was going to discover that anger was only a prelude to his first rut. "Everything comes easy to you, but it's like you don't even notice! No one ever said we needed to be attached to the hip for the rest of our lives, so why don't you just get over it and do what's expected of you?"

The second he saw the heartbroken look on y/n's face, Lo'ak wanted to take it all back. He hadn't meant to say any of those things, of course he hadn't. She was his best friend, she was the woman he loved, yet he'd passed up his chances to ever be with her twice in a single day. He was petty and weak, unable to own up to his own shortcomings, and now he was taking it out on the only person in the world who would have never judged him for it.

"I see..." Y/n said, her voice laced with grief. For a single, stupid second Lo'ak had deluded himself into thinking she was about to say 'I see you', it was what he wanted to tell her. He'd been wanting to tell her for so long. "I have... been foolish. I thought that maybe you... that we..." Y/n wiped a tear away from her face, and stepped back from Lo'ak when he tried to reach out for her. "I do not need your pity." She hissed at him, feeling that Lo'ak had just rejected her. "You have made yourself understood."

With that, y/n disappeared from Lo'ak sight and into the darkness of the night. By the time Neteyam found him, Lo'ak was already in the throes of a terrible fever. His father and brother took him to a secluded place where he would have been safe, but couldn't do much for him besides that. Moat had said the rut hit Lo'ak so suddenly that he was beyond being helped with any sort of treatment. He had no mate, and neither did he have the right to choose one. Left alone to endure the most excruciating pain known to the Omaticaya people.

A lot could change in a week. Especially when it came to things taking a drastic turn for the worse. Lo'ak, who was still experiencing the occasional violent aftershock from the trauma he'd just finished enduring all by himself, was about to get accustomed to a whole new kind of pain.

"We seek your guidance, Tsahik." Y/n's parents had come to speak to his grandmother, while she was still in the process of checking he hadn't suffered any irreparable damage during his absence. "Our daughter, y/n, does not wish to wait for love to find her. She has invoked the old ways, asking us to choose a mate for her." Another violent fit wreaked havoc over Lo'ak's body, but this time he wasn't entirely sure it was due to the aftermath of his rut. Moat had told him the worst was now behind him. "Cease your whining, 'evi." She reprimanded him. "Only by regaining your strength will you find the way to be whole again." While that statement sounded overtly obvious to him, the look his grandmother gave him made him think she was trying to tell him something more.

"Forgive us, we have come at a bad time." Y/n's mother said, directing her sympathies to Lo'ak. They had always been kind toward him. "Your grandson is still injured, y/n has been heartbroken about it. We have prayed to Eywa every day for your swift recovery-"

"He has recovered." Moat cut her off. "And your daughter cannot force her childish whims on you. She is a woman, a warrior of this clan, she cannot hide behind her parents. We only arrange the marriages of future Tsahik and Olo'eyktan, for they are given gifts by Eywa herself to guide the people. The old ways have brought nothing but suffering, I remember the time when they were enforced all too well. They are only to be invoked in drastic situations, such as the event of a heat."

"We are grateful for your wisdom, Tsahik." Y/n father said. "But that is precisely what we fear... she is already showing signs. Every day our daughter grows weaker. We know she may not survive without a mate, and now it is too late for her to make her own choice."

"Fools." Moat almost spat. "Bring her to me at once-"

Lo'ak was on his feet and running out of the healing tent at once, no longer willing to listen to a single word of that conversation. Mating cycles were usually something that a couple faced together, but he and y/n had waited too long for their rite of passage. In that time they hadn't found the person who was truly right for them, so now y/n was going to force herself to be with someone or face her heat alone, along with the consequences that entailed. And it wasn't like Lo'ak could step up and ask her parents to marry her, he wasn't even part of the clan. Not only that, y/n also probably thought he wanted nothing to do with her.

He went looking for y/n everywhere. She wasn't in her tent, nor was she staying with her parents. Word was she'd gone hunting, and after a desperate search, Lo'ak ended up finding her in his own living quarters when he returned home in the early hours of the morning. As much as Lo'ak wanted to yell at y/n in frustration because he'd been worried sick over her, the sight of her sleeping peacefully quelled his anger. He knelt down to touch her forehead, and let out a breath of relief. Her body temperature hadn't drastically risen just yet.

Lo'ak took a look around and only then noticed y/n had rounded up the entirety of his possessions to surround herself with in her sleep. She had made a bed out of the skins and paintings which used to adorn the inside of his tent while holding on rather tightly to a piece of fabric he quickly recognized as one of his loincloths. He felt himself turn into a deep shade of blue in the face and attempted to gently tug the item out of her grip, but y/n growled menacingly in her sleep, immediately making Lo'ak give up on his intent. He did not wish to wake her. Not when it was clear she'd been so distressed, she'd felt the need to make herself a nest just to feel safe.

"Tsurokx, yawne..." Lo'ak wished her a good sleep, and went to tell her family she'd been found.

Her parents were thankful, and just because Lo'ak was not allowed to catch a single break, it turned out y/n parents trusted him so much they began to ask him his personal opinion on the skxawngs that had already shown up to ask them to be her mate. Lo'ak respected y/n's parents and knew they were only worried about their daughter, but he was running on zero hours of sleep, and the image of y/n curled up in a nest she'd made of his belongings was still too fresh in his mind, so he let his worst side get the better of him. He lied. Something so deeply human, his people did not even have a word for it.

"...I would not even consider Selkath, he is too arrogant to even see past himself..."

"Pantoran is weak, I would not trust him to provide for your daughter..."

"... I have known Skakoan to have used cruel words against y/n. She does not deserve her..."

The more he spoke, the more Lo'ak realized he was describing himself and the way he had treated y/n, not giving a true judgment of his peers. And her parents were trusting him with that information, even though he had absolutely no authority to be judging anyone. But there was no reason to worry, a fresh batch of idiots would have shown up to declare their 'love' soon enough, over and over again until eventually someone was found.

Lo'ak slept on the cold hard ground just outside his tent, barely getting an hour's sleep before the day began for the rest of the clan.

"Showing your worth to the clan, as usual, Su-ly?" A voice Lo'ak knew all too well asked, as he was 'accidentally' stepped on and woken up. Tholothian had never been too shy about disliking Lo'ak, and the feeling was entirely mutual. "Watch where you're going, Tho'lo." He growled as he stood up, certainly not in the mood to be taking anyone's crap. The other Na'vi was also standing entirely too close to the tent where y/n was currently resting, and Lo'ak was about the get real territorial real fast if the skxawng didn't back off. The low rumble in his throat was still there, and Lo'ak was making it very clear he was not to be messed with at that moment.

Tholothian, who thrived off humiliating the younger Sully brother in any way possible, had to take a step back. Lo'ak had been missing for an entire week, and now that he was back, he seemed to have doubled in size. He was taller, his shoulders wider, his once delicate-looking human hands bigger, and his muscles considerably more defined. And his entire demeanor also seemed... different, menacing almost. Never before would he have considered Lo'ak Sully competition, least of all a threat. So he decided to back off, for the time being at least.

What he wanted was y/n, and Lo'ak couldn't claim her. There was no pride in kicking someone down when they had already lost. Or was there? "I was just on my way to see, y/n..." Tholothian gloated, knowing it was a sore subject for Lo'ak. "You must have heard... she is searching for a mate..." The look on Lo'ak face darkened considerably, and it would have been a lie not to admit he was reaching for his dagger to challenge Tho'lo to a duel and see which of them could draw first blood, when y/n audibly called Lo'ak's name from inside the tent.

Tholothian paled considerably when he heard y/n call out to his rival and Lo'ak smirked, basking in the pride he felt at that moment. Y/n was probably waiting inside to give him an earful about disappearing for a week, but Tho'lo didn't know that. "Yeah, man. I heard." He sneered, his cocky attitude back in full swing. "I'd wish you luck, but I think it'd be fairer if I gave you a little advice instead..." Lo'ak lowered his voice and pointed his dagger in the direction of Tho'lo chest. "If you, or anyone of your friends, come sniffing after y/n again, just know you're going to have to get through me first." He snarled, showing a full set of teeth, before heading back inside to see y/n.

"Hey..."

"Hey? That's all you have to say?" At least she was still lucid enough to be mad at him, Lo'ak thought. There was still time. Y/n threw the first thing she could find at his head, but Lo'ak managed to dodge it. "Where were you?"

"I was sick." Lo'ak said, and cautiously sat down next to her. He didn't know how else to describe what he'd been through, without inadvertently bringing up her own situation.

"Sick?" Y/n asked, still not understanding why he'd been away from home if he'd been ill.

"I'm sorry I missed your ceremony." Lo'ak said truthfully, the regret clear in his voice, even though he'd just avoided her question. "And the dream hunt, and all of it... the reason why doesn't matter, I should have been there for you."

Y/n hugged her knees to her chest, her worry not subsiding at all. What could have been so bad, Lo'ak couldn't even tell her about it?

"So... you're going to be mated soon..." Lo'ak didn't even know why he said it, other than the fact he was always the one to break the silence and say the things others wouldn't. "Why are you making your parents choose for you?" He asked when she didn't respond. "Y/n you know that's stupid..."

"What? Now honoring our traditions is stupid?" Y/n snapped at him, barely leaving any distance between them. "Weren't you the one who said I acted like I didn't care? That I should start doing what's expected of me?" She threw his words back in his face and Lo'ak immediately understood how the entire insane idea of an arranged marriage had come to her in the first place. He'd made her feel less than worthy, like she wasn't grateful enough to be part of the people, and now she was trying to make up for it, even though it was never true in the first place.

"Y/n... I never should have said those words... I wasn't myself that day, you have to believe me..." Lo'ak implored her, but it wasn't enough to keep the tears from rushing down her face.

"Well, it doesn't matter now..." Y/n kept half the truth to herself. She'd childishly thought that Lo'ak would have tried to prevent her from her recklessness and chosen her himself. But clearly, it had been a fantasy. "Lo'ak, I know what's happening to me... and I'm scared, I don't know what's worse, facing it alone or...or..."

Lo'ak pulled y/n into his arms then, holding her close as he felt her tremble against his chest. "You won't have to face this on your own, and... and I'll make sure you'll be with someone worthy, who'll take good care of you..." His words were like daggers to her chest, because there was no one else she could ever want besides him, yet she understood Lo'ak was trying his best to comfort her. Y/n buried her face in the crook of Lo'ak's neck, breathing in his scent. It was a lot stronger now, and only at that point did she realize so many things about his appearance had changed.

There were two small glands, one on either side of his neck, where his scent seemed to be strongest, and she was suddenly overcome by the need to be covered in it. Y/n began to purr softly, rubbing her face against Lo'ak's neck, not really knowing what she was doing other than chasing after the feeling of comfort and protection that came along with dousing herself in Lo'ak pheromones. "What are you doing, y/n?" Her bestfriend asked, his voice sounding considerably deeper than it had been a few seconds ago. "Feels nice." Was the entirety of the explanation she gave him, without showing any intention of stopping. Not that Lo'ak wanted her too.

He suddenly understood why she'd come to his tent in the first place, and that was to seek out whatever still held his scent, to numb out any feverish symptoms her pre-heat was going to throw at her. Lo'ak knew they were treading a dangerous line, but he also knew he would have given anything to have felt any sort of comfort during his rut, and he couldn't bring himself to tear himself away from her. The type of contact y/n was craving at that moment was completely harmless, yet the idea that she needed to be marked with his scent so badly made a Lo'ak feel possessive in a way he hadn't even known was possible. "Yeah? Is that what's been stressing you out, baby?" He cooed, wrapping her braid around his hand and tugging it softly. "You just wanted to breathe in my scent, didn't you?"

Y/n whined at his touch and nodded feverishly at his words. "Y-yes... I missed you, and I didn't know where you were. I just knew you were hurt..." She rambled, but Lo'ak kissed her temple, trying to let her know that there was no need to worry about him. "I'm right here, I'm sorry I was away. I let you down. I should have been here to help you with your nest. Look at this, you did it all by yourself, huh? Good girl." Lo'ak praised her, letting out a deep-sounding purr to let y/n know how impressed he was with her. Y/n nodded, smiling as she basked in Lo'ak's praise. "I did it for you, I wanted to be here when you got back..."

Lo'ak had to remind himself all he was doing was for the sake of helping y/n deal with how increasingly hormonal and emotional she was about to become over the next few days, and nothing that was saying in that moment held any real meaning. Somebody else would get to take care of y/n, and somehow he'd ended up on the council of people who got to determine who that person was going to be. As long as he kept his own feelings out of it, there was no reason why y/n shouldn't have stayed with him.

"Thank you, baby..." Lo'ak whispered softly and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her wrist. "I'm going out to get you something to eat now, do you want to come? Or do want to stay here?"

"No." Y/n wrapped herself around him like a vine. "Stay."

"Huh-uh, it's like that, is it?" Lo'ak chuckled, powerless against her death-grip. So he took the opportunity to have a lie down. Unlike y/n, he was missing several hours of sleep. "Well, I'm not going to argue with the woman who has me in a choke-hold... and sleeping will do you some good too..." He sighed, resting his arms around her middle. It didn't take long for Lo'ak to pass out completely.

When Lo'ak woke up, y/n seemed to have been long gone. Someone had also brought him some food and water while he'd been resting. Lo'ak hurriedly ate something, before heading out to look for y/n, but he didn't end up needing to look too far. Moat had been in the middle of examining y/n when Lo'ak showed up out of the blue.

"Ever heard of privacy? Get out of here, skxawng!" Y/n yelled at him, and Lo'ak immediately did as he was told. At least y/n seemed to be once again lucid and back to normal. For the time being. And now that he knew she was alright he really didn't have any other excuse to be around her, so he left.

Lo'ak finally found the time to get back to his training, something he now did in private. It was embarrassing to perpetually remind the rest of the clan of his failure, and he would not ask his father or brother for help. His mother however, was a lot more difficult to get away from. And she understood more than most. "My son, it is clear you are hurting... we have not seen you for days... "

"So? What good is showing my face when I have failed you?" Lo'ak turned away in shame. He did not need anyone to look out for him, not anymore.

"Stubborn! Just like your father." Neytiri hissed at him, bonking him on his head with her bow and not too gently either. "It is clear... that Eywa made you and y/n to be together. Do not treat me as if I do not see. I see you, my son."

Lo'ak broke down as soon as he heard those words. It was true, he had been pushing his family away, but simply because he hadn't thought himself capable of facing them. What would his mother think of the twisted game he'd gotten himself in? What kind of example was he setting for his younger sister? He didn't deserve to be around any of them until he somehow managed to make things right.

Neytiri hugged him, even though it was something they hadn't done in a long time. She had immediately known how strong and independent her youngest son was from a very early age, and she feared that it may have been the reason why, out of all of her children, he'd most often been left to his own devices while she and Jake were forced to tend to the others.

"You have not failed us, Lo'ak. But you must still fight for y/n... and I will help you."

The next few days went by in a blur. If he wasn't training with his mother to successfully pass the Iknimaya on his second try, he was making sure to steer away y/n's parents from any candidates they may have seriously been considering to be her mate without seeming too obvious. If a certain potential candidate began to seem like a real threat to Lo'ak, then he would personally seek them out to politely dissaude them himself.

"If you ever try to talk to y/n, ke-he, you ever even look in her direction or... you just as much as think of her again, I'm dragging you out of your tent while you sleep and leaving you out to die in the forest. And trust me, the viperwolves will finish whatever meat the Thanator doesn't tear off your bones first."

The Na'vi might have been dangerous, but they were a peaceful people. Humans had been the ones to bring war upon them. And Lo'ak had begun to realize just how much of a scary breed he was of the two things. He was now turning on his own kind, on the very same members of his clan, his brothers and sisters. He was cheating and lying to get his way, just like a human would. And the scariest part was, that realization was bothering him less and less as time went on. Y/n's heat was approaching fast, and as a consequence, he was getting more protective and territorial by the day.

While y/n had been able to keep her head in the beginning, only going through a few 'fever dreams', as Lo'ak liked to call them, in a single day and quickly recovering from them, it was now rare to come back and find her to be lucid rather than not. She had a few lulls, here and there, where it was once again possible to get her to have a coherent conversation, but those instances were now few and far in between. Lo'ak would have to seize those opportunities to take her out so she could have a walk, drink or eat something, and show her parents she was still alive. One night he'd even managed to take her all the way out to the ponds for a swim, something she'd always loved, but she was way past that point now.

Y/n slept most of the days off; the nights were the real problem. Due to her body temperature slowly increasing to the point where it was eventually going to be unbearable for her, y/n had taken to refusing to wear any sort of clothing. Which was particularly hard on Lo'ak, especially since her body was also changing in ways that weren't so subtle. As much as he tried not to look, it seemed as if both her breasts and her hips were filling out little by little each day. By that point, he was sure it was some specific torture that had been crafted for him especially, but it all came to pale into comparison when most nights were spent treating the aches of y/n's fever.

"You need to drink some water for me, baby..." Lo'ak would try to encourage her. "I promise you'll feel a lot better if you do..." Y/n was struggling, and Lo'ak was thankful for the fact that after making a bit of a fuss she would eventually listen to him. He couldn't think of a single other person who would've had the same amount of care and patience to make sure she was eating and drinking regularly throughout her heat, and there was hardly any time left before she was completely under the influence. A decision was going to be made whether he liked it or not.

The only problem was that now, he didn’t know if he was going to be able to stand aside when the time came for her to leave. The two of them had gotten somewhat... close during their time together. Close in a way that Lo'ak was certain didn't apply to being best friends. Y/n had suffered a great deal the night her scent glands came in, two on her neck, two on her inner thighs, and one on each of her wrists, and Lo'ak had almost mistaken the event for the beginning of her heat. The sweetness of her scent had him so out of his mind, and he would have torn himself away from her if she hadn't been holding on to him for dear life. "Don't go, Lo'ak, please..." y/n had begged him through choked sobs.

Lo'ak still didn't know if he'd made the right choice to stay, because of everything that happened afterward. He peppered y/n's skin with kisses as usual, trying to bring her comfort, only this time the need to taste and sink his teeth into her was almost uncontrollable. "Y/n, I don't think I should be here..." Lo'ak tried to say, having never felt so at war with himself. Y/n shook her head and caught his lips in a kiss, completely tearing down any ounce of doubt he may have still had. For the time being. The fact that she was promised to another suddenly didn't matter anymore, and the two of them were painfully aware y/n had been dripping with slick from the moment Lo'ak had pulled her into his arms. They were all over each other instantly, reaching desperately for one another in the dark. The sound y/n made when he breached her walls was the most beautiful thing Lo'ak had ever heard, and they fucked so desperately, he was almost ashamed of it afterward.

Almost.

"I told you, my sweet syulang..." He teased, regretfully having to pull out of her for the second time. "You're not ready to take my— a knot, I mean..." Lo'ak kissed her whines away, only taking a few more strokes before coating her belly will his warm seed. "But I want to try again, weakling..." Y/n huffed, having absolutely no mercy for her spent companion as she climbed on top of him. Lo'ak let out a groan and a laugh at the same time, pulling her in for a hug. "You have come so many times, I am literally covered in your slick... and since you're clearly in the right mind to give me attitude..." he pinched y/n's ass cheek and she yelped, slapping his chest. "You're more than capable to come with me for a swim and... help me clean up all this later..." Y/n had bit him in protest but eventually complied with his unreasonable demands.

In those moments with her, Lo'ak had felt so happy he'd almost forgotten what the future actually had in store for the two of them. Even though now he knew y/n so deeply, both at a mental and physical level, another would be the one to marry her. Another would the one to make a lifelong bond with her, mark her and mate with her.

'Sometimes I don't understand how another can love her, is allowed to love her, since I love her so completely myself, so intensely, so fully. I grasp nothing, know nothing, have nothing but her!' Kiri had once read out those words from one of her mother's old books, since the ability to read and write in English had always been important to his sister. At the time, Lo'ak had made fun of her, saying it was all a bunch of boring nonsense. Now, those words haunted him. Every day. And here he was now, acting in the worst of ways just to hold on to y/n for just a second longer, have every part of her until the was nothing left for anyone else to aspire to.

When he walked into the tent that night, y/n was sitting upright and wearing a large white T-shirt Lo'ak had stolen from the RDA supplies. Lo'ak was happy to see she was doing her best to eat some fruit, and the awkward smile she gave him made him understand she currently had her wits about her. "Moat came by... she said it will happen tomorrow... and she gave me... something to help with the pain. Medicine, I think. She told me... my mate will have to take me away. I can't stay here with the rest of the clan while it happens, it might be dangerous-"

Lo'ak shook his head, raising his hands as he tried not to laugh bitterly at the sadness of the situation. How could she talk about it so calmy?

"I don't want to know, okay?" He tried to say as calmly as he could, but she could hear the distaste in his mouth.

"If you can't even talk about it, then admit what I've known all along." Y/n managed to say in a weak voice. "Lo'ak, I see you... I see you... everything you're doing for me, because of me..."

Lo'ak's ears immediately turned down at the sound of the words he'd been waiting for y/n to say his entire life. His immediate instinct was to shut her out. Now that he wanted nothing more than to say those words back, he knew he was only going to make irreparable damage. He'd justified the fact they'd been having sex in secret because it wasn't uncommon for their people to do so, nor forbidden. The only problem of course was that he and y/n were painfully aware of being in love with someone who couldn't commit to them. They had chosen to live in the most blissful of lies until their time together was up.

Well, that time was now.

"Spend my heat with me." Y/n said, not even posing it as a question.

"I can't! How hasn't that gotten through to you yet?" He asked angrily, hating himself for the way she instinctively flinched at his words. Lo'ak got down on his knees, kneeling in front of her. "Ngaytxoa." He asked y/n for her forgiveness. "Oeya syulang, you deserve to be with someone who has shown enough strength and honor to be part of the people... If we'd only had more time, I... but you cannot face your heat alone, nor will I allow you to tie yourself to someone who is not worthy. Who may never be." Y/n had begun to cry at this point, and Lo'ak could feel that he'd been joining her soon. "An outcast. Someone like me."

Simply put, if Lo'ak had spent y/n's heat with her, got her pregnant, and then ended up dying on the Halleluja mountains on his second or third attempt at his Rite of passage, not to mention the unpredictableness of surviving the Dream Hunt as well, he would have committed the cruelest act of all: giving his mate false hope before leaving them behind forever, all for the sake of getting what he wanted.

"You are... impossible..." Y/n cried. "You say these words, therefore you must believe I deserve to be with someone I do not love when I have already chosen the man I belong to and he has chosen me... do you not understand that would kill me just as much as being alone would? I know you went through your rut alone, Lo'ak... I know you went through that pain and survived, Moat told me. I am willing to take that risk, and wait for you."

Lo'ak looked into her eyes then, and it seemed to y/n he was having a realization. Had she finally gotten through to him? She knew her chances of survival were slim, and she hadn't exactly prepared, but after finding out Lo'ak loved her as much as she did, he would sooner risk her life to be happy with him in the end than choose someone else.

Suddenly he was grabbing her face and kissing her, pulling away just as quickly. "I'll be back by morning... there's something... important I have to do." Lo'ak saw the look of distress on her face as he stood up. In many ways, I would have been their last night together, and he was leaving. "Trust me, syulang, I beg of you. Nga yawne lu oer."

"I love you, too."

And with that, he was gone from her sight.

As he climbed the path of vines and rocks leading to the banshee rookery, Lo'ak wondered if anyone had ever managed to reach the Halleluja mountains past the eclipse in the dead of night. If that person, whoever they may have been, had been so desperate to have made the attempt even though everyone around them had said they were not ready, because it was a question of life and death for them as much as it was for him. After the initial surprise of having made it to the top, he was immediately aware of a dozen pairs of yellow eyes blinking at him in the dark.

Lo'ak immediately whipped out the yìmkxa, swinging it around a little as he cautiously walked amongst the ikrans. "Didn't mean to spoil your beauty sleep..." He said, counting how many of them had already flown away at the sight of him. "There's just one of you I've come to settle the score with, some motherfucker who threw me off a cliff the other day-"

A very familiar hiss came from out of nowhere and Lo'ak now knew he was looking back at his banshee. "Long time no see bro, I sure hope I didn't ruin any late-night plans." The ikran lunged at him but Lo'ak knew exactly what to do this time, and moved without hesitancy, muzzling the creature's mouth with the yìmkxa. "Me? Oh you know, my girl is going through the worst experience of her life--- shit, stop that, man--- where was I? Oh right, I'm supposed to be back home with her, yet I'm out here, dancing around with you. Bet you can't wait to get inside this head, huh? Hope you enjoy all the angst, you mother-"

With a final struggle and a minor chunk taken out of his leg, Lo'ak was able to make the connection. The ikran, his ikran, immediately calmed down and let out a pained sound, that Lo'ak recognized as being directed at him.

"Yeah, well... no worries bro." He sighed from exhaustion and patted the banshee's neck. "Now let's get out of here, I don't have all goddammed night."

By the early hours of the morning, Lo'ak had returned aching from the fight with the ikran and still disoriented from the self-induced high he'd given himself with whatever concoctions he'd found in his grandmother's hut to make himself find his spirit animal. No matter what anybody said, he'd completed his rite of passage and now he was going to tell y/n they could be together. Y/n however, was not where he'd left her. Moat found him soon after, and after reprimanding him for stealing her supplies and acting so recklessly, she told him y/n's parents had chosen Tholothian to be her mate and they had left not even an hour prior to Lo'ak's arrival. The Na'vi, much to his grandmother's protests, immediately set off to find them.

With the sunlight by his side and the ability to fly over the forest, it didn't take long for Lo'ak to recognize Tho'lo's ikran resting on top of a branch and its rider wandering the forest below.

"I thought I told you to stay away from her." Lo'ak snarled, quickly dismounting from his ikran.

"Stay out of this, Sully. The fact that you did the bare minimum this time, doesn't get you a prize." Tho'lo took a threatening stance against him. Lo'ak immediately noticed his bow and dagger were missing, and that he had a large cut across his chest. "Y/n was left in my care and responsibility-"

"She attacked you." Lo'ak accused Tho'lo, charging at him with everything he had the very next second. "What did you do?" He roared with a murderous look in his eyes as he held his knife to his rival's throat. "What could you have possibly done to her to leave you stranded out here, huh?"

"What I have done? What have you done, Lo'ak?" Tho'lo accused him back, sounding all too calm for Lo'ak's liking. "She has clearly chosen you, I see that now. I had known you two were close, but I never thought it went beyond you recklessly amusing yourself with her. I never would have accepted her parents' decision if I had known-"

"The why. the fuck. did she attack you?" Lo'ak growled, actively losing his patience by the second.

"Because she's in a heat, you moron. She won't be with anyone who isn't you now that the two of you have clearly done everything except maybe name your future children...I just wish someone had warned me, so I wouldn't have to be here right now!" Lo'ak stepped back from Tho'lo then, realizing he had just been assuming the worst of someone who was meant to be his brother-in-arms. "She attacked me not two minutes after we were in flight. I thought she was going to kill my ikran so I got us all down to the ground. She escaped of course, but I still couldn't leave her out here... "

Lo'ak nodded, ashamed of all the grief his actions had caused. But he didn't even have time to dwell on it, or make things right with Tho'lo, because y/n was still out there, scared and alone.

"I'm sorry, brother-"

"I'll forgive you when you find her and bring her home in one piece." Tho'lo cut him off, calling his ikran and mounting it. "And I know you threatened others just as easily as you have just accused me. That's what separates you from the rest of the people, Sully. You reek of anger and distrust, toward yourself and others. You are selfish, just like the rest of the sky people. Whatever y/n sees in you... must be the true reason why I'm still willing to call you brother."

After a few minutes of frantic wandering, Lo'ak picked up y/n's scent and it didn't take him long to track her down. She'd hidden herself in a small cave behind the waterfall, a place they'd both discovered once when they were out hunting. The closer he got, the more overpowering the influence of her sweet pheromones became. As he climbed his way up to the cave, mindful of the water cascading above him, he knew she could sense his presence too because she began to call out his name. Lo'ak could hear the strain in her voice and ended up cutting his hands and feet several times on the rocks as he made his reckless endeavor all the way to the safe haven she'd chosen.

He looked up to see her looking down at him, and he made one last stupidly dangerous jump to get her away from the edge. "Where were you? You told me to wait, I waited for you but- you are hurt!" Y/n reached for him, she was shuddering violently and unable to keep herself from crying. Lo'ak knew exactly what kind of pain she was going through, and he had to dissuade her from fretting over his wounds.

"I know, I'm sorry Oeya syulang, I'm right here now. I'm with you..." Lo'ak kissed y/n, making quick work of getting rid of whatever fabric was left to separate them. He let out a guttural sound at the copious amount of slick that gushed out of y/n simply from his touch. "Lo'ak, it hurts..." Y/n begged him, holding onto Lo'ak so tight he was pretty sure she was going to end up rearranging his bones.

"I know baby, you're burning up..." He kissed her neck, feeling how scolding her skin was as she lowered herself onto his cock, taking him all the way with a desperate moan of relief. Y/n seized up around him and coated him with a second wave of slick, high on the feeling of finally having her mate buried deep inside of her. "Fuck--you really needed me bad, didn't you baby?" Lo'ak groaned, unable to even comprehend what was happening around him anymore. Y/n's cunt was impossibly tight and warm, and she was making a complete mess on his lap.

His mate nodded and began to ride him in earnest, her stamina never breaking for a second. Lo'ak was so in awe, he could barely keep up with her. Their moans and whines echoed off the walls of the cave, and Lo'ak knew y/n was desperate to get knotted. "You need to... relax syulang." He kissed her face when she began to whine in frustration. "Might have to fuck you a few more times before your body is ready for me, sweet thing..."

"But I want--" Y/n was beginning to sound completely unintelligible, but she never once stopped grinding down on Lo'ak, challenging herself to take in deeper and deeper every time. "Such a good girl, look at that..." Lo'ak praised her, earning a deep purr which he happily returned. "Gonna make you a proper nest... so my baby can be nice and comfortable while I mount her later, how does that sound?"

Y/n curled up against his chest at the idea, kissing him deeply and coming on his cock for the fourth time since they'd started (yes, he was keeping count), and without much warning Lo'ak began to feel the his knot forming inside of her. She gasped and began to frantically fuck herself back against it, giddy on the pleasure the foreign experience was giving her. Lo'ak gave a a few more harsh thrusts, until his knot finally popped deep inside y/n's walls, binding them together. "Fuck, baby you can't keep moving anymore..." He groaned, blissed out and slightly amused by y/n's attempts to bounce up on his knot while she was stuck on top of him.

Y/n wasn't particularly shy about being loud, but the sounds she made when Lo'ak finally began to breed her made him want to fuck her all over again right at that moment. "It's... it's so much..." She sobbed, overwhelmed by the constant stream of warm cum that was now pouring into her. Lo'ak wrapped his arm around her and made a second connection between them, bringing their cues together. Immediately he could feel how close she was to climaxing again, and he reched down between them to rub her small bundle of nerves while she was still split on his shaft. "Going to cum on my knot, baby...? You're been such a sweet girl, taking everything I have to give you... once I'm done breeding you, your belly's going to be so pretty and full---"

Y/n gave out another high pitched whine and came thanks to Lo'ak's expert fingers. He managed to lull her to sleep after that, while they were still tied together and in the process of mating. Lo'ak found his sleep to be rather light, keeping an eye open for his vulnerable mate and growling menacingly at any noise he heard coming from outside.

When his knot died down he left y/n to get some much needed rest and set out to get everything they needed to stay in the cave for the rest of the week. He knew that his scent was more than enough to let anyone and anything to stay the fuck away from the cave, and that y/n would have been safe. Even though he'd returned with food supplies and other creature comforts to make a worthy nest, y/n was not too forgiving of his absence and jumped his bones the second he came back. After she'd deemed herself sated, they made their nest together, but it was hard to do anything without eventually getting distracted.

Y/n's belly was beginning to stretch out a little already from their activities and Lo'ak was completely mesmerised by the sight of his cum slipping out of her. So much so he could help but hold her down and get a taste. "Lo'ak... w-want your knot again..." she mewled, tugging fiercely at his braids while he drank down the sickly sweet taste of her slick.

"Oeya syulang, I haven't eaten all day, you can't blame me for wanting a taste... " Lo'ak growled softly before sinking his teeth in the scent gland on her left inner thigh, making her cry out. He soothed the wound with his tongue, lapping up her blood. "Now, you're going to have to behave for me a little, or I'm going to eat you out until you're a sobbing mess... understood?"

Y/n was a lot more partial to taking a break to eat and drink something after that. Lo'ak was not surprised when she feel asleep again, and he curled up around her on the makeshift bed they'd made, holding her close to his chest. He immediately woke up when she began to cry next to him a few hours later, not even thinking twice about mounting her from behind as her kissed her shoulders and reassured her everything was alright.

Y/n was the one to link their queues this time, moaning softly as he began to move. "Still hurts if I'm not inside you, baby?" Lo'ak asked, genuinely worried that the heat was still painful even though y/n was no longer facing it alone. Y/n shook her head and tried to find the right words to express what she was feeling, Lo'ak kissed her temple reassuringly, stroking her tail to soothe her. "J-just now... I think... I think I'm ready..." It took a little while for Lo'ak to understand, but then he felt it through their bond. Y/n was at the peak of her heat, and his next load was sure to get her pregnant. "You're happy..." she said, Lo'ak still forgetting that she could probably feel his heart soaring at that moment.

"Yeah..." He laughed, a little choked up. "Course I'm happy... so fucking happy" Lo'ak placed a hand on y/n's lower belly, firmly holding her there as he picked up his pace, pounding into her deeper and deeper. Y/n bared her neck to him then, submitting and asking him to mark her as his own. "Nga yawne lu oer..." He whispered before sinking his teeth into her scent gland, tasting the blood and sweetness there. Y/n cried out his name, feeling their bond deepen even more and the desperate need to mark Lo'ak just the same.

Both of them felt the exact moment when life began to blossom between the two of them when they were lying in each other's arms some moments afterwards. They were holding each other close and tending to the deep marks they'd left on each other's bodies. Lo'ak spent the rest of the night whispering promises and soft nothings to y/n, and she quelled all his anxieties about his wrongdoings or the fact that his child might have inherited his human features.

After all, she'd never cared for the right profile anyway.

#avatar the way of water #avatar x reader #avatar x you #avatar x y/n #avatar x female reader #lo'ak x reader #lo'ak x you #lo'ak fluff #lo'ak angst #lo'ak fanfiction #lo'ak smut #lo'ak imagine #lo'ak x y/n #lo'ak sully #lo'ak headcanons #lo'ak x fem reader #lo'ak x omaticaya reader #atwow #atwow imagines #atwow smut #atwow x reader #atwow x you #atwow loak #atwow x y/n #avatar x reader smut #avatar x reader angst #loak fluff #loak x reader #loak smut #loak sully

[stxxryvoid]

This idea came to me while I was watering my plants.

Demon Slayer Character's with a S/O who likes to Garden (ft. Mitsuri, Iguro, Tomioka, Muichiro, Tengen + his wives, Shinobu)

Mitsuri

I headcanon she also likes to garden and uses some of the plants when she cooks.

Helps you tend to the garden even if you don't need the help.

Takes care of the garden with her life if you can't.

If you plant something in a pot she makes the pot really pretty.

Gets kinda sad when a plant dies.

10/10 Plant Care Taker

Iguro

He's basically like: "You plant stuff? K, Cool."

Doesn't really mind it or care about just see's it as something you do.

But bet your ass that if you can't take care of the garden he suddenly has a PhD in Horticulture.

The garden actually looks even better when he takes care of it???

Puts yours to shame tbh

9/10 Plant Care Taker deducted one point because I'd be jealous

Tomioka

Plants stuff once in a while and the end result is always pretty good.

Helps you plant stuff even if you don't need the help, and takes care of the garden when you're away.

The garden is his new favorite place to relax and think.

That's about it ik boring just like him (I'm kidding-)

10/10 Plant Care Taker

Muichiro

Forgets you have a garden 30 minutes after you tell him

He does visit it often though because it's like his new little happy place

He likes to cloud gaze there now because the plants remind him of you (even though he can't remember why)

If you ask him to watch over your garden while you're gone especially for a long time they're probably gonna wilt since he forgot-

The next time tho he swears he's gonna remember and he did:D

It's just that he forgot how much water to put and now your plants are overwatered

He's still getting the hang of it, he'll get there soon:)

4/10 Plant Care Taker

Tengen + His wives

You plant stuff?? How flamboyant!

Tengen tells you how flamboyant your gardening skills are only when you plant a pretty plant and it blooms beautifully.

If you plant an ugly plant though....

He doesn't help you plant anything, He'll get his flamboyantly painted nails dirty🙄

He might cheer you on from the sidelines.

He also makes sure you have only the most flamboyant gardening supplies and clothing!

Hinatsuru is always helping you with the garden, she's the most reliable out of the four.

While Makio doesn't see the point in gardening but she will help you out if you ask her.

Suma helps you out but she may trip or drop a watering can-

She'll also make flower crowns for everybody if you plant some flowers :D

Tengen 6/10 Plant Care Taker

Hinatsuru 10/10 Plant Care Taker

Makio 7/10 Plant Care Taker

Suma 8/10 Plant Care Taker

Shinobu

The two of you can plant stuff together because she also plants, only herbs though!

Always wears gloves when gardening and expects you to do the same. (Must keep good hygiene! Don't know what's in the dirt.)

Researches the best conditions a plant will thrive in and will share this information with you if you need it.

Will take care of your garden if you are unable to and you'll take care of her's, win win situation.

Quite straightforward when it comes to gardening.

10/10 Plant Care Taker.

#demon slayer #tomioka giyū #tomioka x reader #tomioka x you #mitsuri kanroji #mitsuri x you #mitsuri x reader #iguro obanai #iguro x reader #muichiro tokito #muichiro x reader #muichiro x you #uzui tengen #uzui tengen x you #uzui tengen x reader #kocho shinobu #shinobu x reader #shinobu x you #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #reqs open

[ginevralinton]

One way Thomas's death could be worse is if it was revealed that Francis later became a successful poet - not so well known that Alison or Mike (or even Fanny, Cap, Pat or Julian) would have heard of him, but successful enough in his time.

Except, this is Francis.

Turns out he'd actually found (or been given) Thomas's drafts and in progress/unpublished manuscripts, and subsequently picked out the best bits, refined some of the poems, whittled them down, merged some of them together - essentially edited them into a more 'publishable', more 'appealing' format.

(I'm sure there's something to be said here about the parallels to Francis rewriting and shaping the narrative of Thomas's fate in The Thomas Thorne Affair, but I digress)

Anyhow, maybe all is revealed when someone comes to Button House because they're doing a research project or a PhD on obscure 19th century poets. Or maybe, they're looking at the developments and origins of 'found poetry' and scholarship around Francis Button has indicated he might have borrowed a bit from his dead cousin's journals and manuscripts.

And Thomas is devastated - because Francis has supplanted him in yet another space that meant so much to him. And people either Francis is getting all the credit for what, at heart, are still Thomas's poems - still his words. Or, it's not being treated as a theft or as anything sad, but rather, as something that's interesting, something to be studied, theorised and written about in an academic context.

'At least people are reading it', might be said. 'He's made it more bearable' could also be added in. 'At least we know you wrote it really' might be offered, but - what can Thomas do?

I don't know - do with this what you will

EDIT: a workshop of filthy creation (5173 words) by Sheepyblue (I did this, but again, anyone else can do their thing with it)

(the only upside (?) of the latter reveal is that thomas essentially discovers found poetry and decides it is therefore absolutely legitimate to make poetry out of combining kylie minogue with the smiths, interspersed with his lines of his own:

in my life, why did I give valuable time

to people who didn't care if I lived or died?

o', in my death, why must i spend my time

with people who don't care how i might have lived?

o' but at least i still have my dreams because in my dreaming

you fell in love with me like I'm in love with you

but dreaming's all I can do, if only they'd come true

but I've been in the house too long now,

o' if only I had fled, back when I still could,

where might I be now?)

i'm so sorry

#bbc ghosts #thomas thorne #idk

[stem-sister-scuffle]

STEM SISTER SCUFFLE: ROUND 0 MATCH 1

Ema Skye is a Forensic Scientist!

Athena Cykes is a Psychologist! Aura Blackquill is a Robotics Engineer! Iris Wilson is a Doctor and Inventor! Why you should vote for each contestant:

Ema: she is literally everythingggg to me. she has wanted to be a forensic scientist since she was 16 y/o and introduces forensic investigation mechanics to the series like luminol and dusting for fingerprints. when she does not get her dream job, she becomes depressed and bitter, only cheering up when she talks about forensic science. later on, when she attains the job, she is much happier! science is her entire life and her career and she is tremendously autistic about it. also she's such a girlboss i love her <3 Athena: Looks at your pfp. You know. BUT LIKE SERIOUSLY SHE'S SO GOOD I LOVE HER. She's silly but she's so determined and her sibling-ish attitude with both Simon and Apollo are EVERYTHING to meeeeee she's just trying her best to save Simon and then finds new friends along the way at the WAA. She's a lawyer and a psychologist all at once. She also grew up in a space center.

Aura: I think she's really cool and such a tragic character... one of my favorite AA5 characters for sure and I love how much she cares for her brother and I just!!! Think her role in the plot is fascinating!!! Willing to kidnap people just to save one person!!! A desperation that lasted SEVEN YEARS!!! She's so cool I love women

Iris: She's 10 years old and is a doctor with a Phd in medicine as well as an inventor. I think that says it all. But really she's just so sweet and lovely and I think she deserves to be crowned for her achievements in her field at her young age :)

#round 0 #polls #ace attorney #tgaa #dgs #ema skye #athena cykes #aura blackquill #iris wilson #augh.... why must my girls fight

[iheartchv]

May I please request headcanons for the turtles and Usagi reacting to their female S/O telling them about 9/11 and the loved ones she lost?

Sure ^^ (canonically, I think the turtles would've been probably 13 during that time)

Leo:

He and his brothers were watching it happen on TV

He remembers everything...

The sadness, the pain, the devastating grief...

And it hurt him that that affected you so deeply

He tried his very best to give you comfort

"I know that was probably hard to talk about... but I'm proud of you"

"My brave warrior, my brave girl..."

If you had any tears, he'd wipe/kiss them away, followed by hugs and small comforting kisses at your temple and in your hair

Raph:

He remembers seeing it on TV when he was watching something with Splinter

As everything on the screen passed by he just questioned and wondered... WHY?

And hearing you say this made his heart and chest hurt

He wasn't that good at showing much emotion

But he hoped that feeling his strong arms and soft kisses bought you some peace of mind, and in your heart

And that you felt safe with him

"It'll be alright now, doll. I'm not going to let anything hurt you again..."

Donnie:

"Oh, dove. I know that must've been horrible..."

He remembers that day, rushing into the living room at Master Splinter's urgency

It saddened him deeply

And to think that you were one of unlucky ones that it impacted

"I'm so sorry for your loss..."

He gives you whatever you need or want

Anything he planned, it was put on hold

He was going to spend this time with you

He will be so sweet, so giving, because he wants to be sure that you are alright

You were, after meeting him that is...

Mikey:

"Aw, baby... I'm sorry..."

"...That's okay, Mikey..."

"No, it's not okay. You shouldn't have to bear that on your shoulders"

He gave a pause before pulling you into his arms

"...I wish I could take it all for you"

He will give you all the hugs and kisses in the world

He will do whatever to make you happy

You were his sunshine as well as he was yours

Usagi:

His heart ached for you

He felt your pain

"I am deeply sorry that you lost those close to you"

His face, his eyes, held a warmth and love that melted your heart

He held you to him

He held you in his arms, doing anything to see your smiling face

"As long as they live on in your heart, they are never truly gone, or forgotten"

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[mummer]

hellooooooo smart person!!! i have two asoiaf questions to ask you. so i was reading adwd, the chapter with ellaria sand making her big speech (can i take the skull to bed with me, to give me comfort in the night?) which was literally one of the best monologues ever. but i think it frames justice in a bitter, bloodthirsty manner. the martells are completely understandably pissed off by the lannisters, is george saying in this instance, even though vengeance is good (emotionally), it’ll screw everyone over? and does this apply to the starks/boltons too? we have so many good speeches on war and justice: broken man, this one, bathe in bolton blood, the mummer’s farce is almost over, etc. but they do conflict. is that the point? justice is better not pursued? or needs to be thought out?

ALSO. your vibe is that you’re a theon enjoyer. so i was wondering where his story is. it’s about identity, yes? but who is he? he’s not a greyjoy, i don’t think, he seems so disconnected from that violent culture, but he’s no stark. i think he wants a family, but the north will never accept him as a stark. so what’s theon’s purpose? i’m so sorry for talking so much but i always love your answers

ok ok ok. anon ily. i might answer the theon one in a separate post if i have time; im gonna try to be as brief as possible but i am gonna put this under a readmore because you touched on uhhh probably the central question of the whole series lol! in fact you could probably write a phd thesis about violence and justice in asoiaf lol, but lets see if i can boil it down quickly maybe not clickbait???? (i lied, this got egregiously long)

ok ok ok some disclaimers up front. I personally am probably a bigger pacifist than most people lol, so this may colour my take somewhat. secondly spoilers but my answer is that i dont think the series actually has a solid answer to the question of retribution/vengeance. my favourite kinds of art are pieces that ask questions that can't be answered. and: is violence ever acceptable? can it be used as a means to a good/just end? <- is like, a hugely unsettled matter in the entire human experience. this is a question we all ask ourselves at some point. it's even more complicated and tangled in real life! is the death penalty ever okay? how can we wage just wars? how do we protest subversively? can people be rehabilitated? even: can we change? that's what politics are all about! the q of violence is something i am constantly thinking about and am still unsure of my answers! most people are!

what asoiaf does so well is pick at the idea of violence in about a hundred different ways and though a hundred different lenses. not all violences are equal! of course not! it is very clear about this, as well as that said violence is not always physical, is most often institutional. and justice.... well justice is completely incoherent in this world!!! the first chapter opens with the protagonist executing a man we as readers KNOW did nothing morally wrong! the thing with asoiaf is that there is always an added nuance to challenge you when you think you've made up your mind. someone shows a glimmer of humanity, or else descends into unexpected cruelty, or else complicates the narrative. there is always a 'but'.

for example: take robb's war for ned. he is trying to avenge his father, save his sister. okay, that's noble. that's just. you want to root for that. BUT: their warpath endangers hundreds of thousands of smallfolk, not to mention the thousands of innocents in their armies forced to fight one another and die for the sake of one man. how could that be worth it? BUT: tywin's army was desolating the riverlands anyway, so wouldnt it be a net good to defeat them? BUT: protecting smallfolk was never their priority; their 'justice' is only for the highborn; politically, an independent north would probably not be any better or worse for the peasantry. a tree of hanging women who lay with lions. "the north remembers", when it's first used on page, is not a joyous rally; it's robb reflecting bitterly that harrion karstark cannot openly forgive him for killing rickard, or risk losing face. rickard, who was killed for killing lannisters, because the lannisters killed his sons-- because robb waged war, because the lannisters killed ned! a poisoned cycle that can't end, an ideology defined by war, remembrance and loyalty as its own sort of sickness.

the thing about violence as justice in asoiaf is that it is never portrayed as revelatory. it's not... like... cool lol. did tywin deserve to die? idk, maybe. but this does not lift a weight off tyrion's shoulders. it doesn't feel like he won. this is something all characters must bear and grapple with. arya in particular is rich with this and that could be its own essay ofc. at its simplest, though, we have sandor. he killed her friend. a child. do child-murderers deserve to die? a lot of people in the world would say yes. but when he is at her mercy, when he is literally begging for her to kill him, she can't. it's too much. when dany orders the disembowlment of the slavers, she questions the choice internally. does torture have utility, here? what is it worth? ("But later, when she passed the men dying on the posts, when she heard their moans and smelled their bowels and blood... Dany put the glass aside, frowning. It was just. It was. I did it for the children.") again, i dont think the narrative has a straight or easy answer, which is why she's asking at all! if these answers were easy there wouldnt be a book. or things like jon's babyswap, which i consider its own kind of violence— but it is born from an unflinching desire to avoid worse violence. so... can it be just, then? theon murders the miller's boys. little kids. does he deserve to be punished? yeah, right? but then we are confronted with reek, and the empathy in the reader flinches, says: nooooo not like that!!!! and then feels bad for ever thinking it! so if he can change, did he ever deserve to die? when joffrey dies-- joffrey!!!-- there is very little catharsis to be found. ("He has Jaime's eyes. Only he had never seen Jaime look so scared. The boy's only thirteen.") the prose focuses on his purple face, his futile desperation to breathe. the way he looks like a child, because he is.

and then there are all the logistical, logical ends that need to be dealt with when seeking retribution. you got back at someone: great. now their family or allies or loved ones will get back at you, and on and on it will go forever until no one remembers the original injustice (see: the brackens and the blackwoods). now there is a power vacuum, or a counterrevolution, now the crops have burned and everyone is starving, now there are orphans. so... was it worth it? this is generally never the intent, but none of this can be sidestepped, either. a large point: no matter how justified in war you may feel, these consequences must still be borne. whether they are worth it in the end is your decision to make.

so we come to ellaria, with no clearer answer than what we started with. and i agree, it's one of my favourite quotes too. the endless question of: what do we do with what has been done to us? the violence has already been done, there is no way to bring someone back, there is no retribution. the victims are dead and so is their killer. and yet it is a hollow justice, because nothing has changed. women like elia are still bartered as political pawns and discarded. again, there is no coherent justice in westeros. it is only by chance that gregor died anyway. the systems of power are still functioning, and the aberration of that is felt. the sand snakes are grieving, but they are grieving the only way they know how. oberyn walked past obara's weeping mother when she picked up a spear. the only language in westeros is violence, the only power in blood. well, it's better than being powerless, right? .....right?

there is no good option. doran picks a side, having agonized over it for decades. this was not easy for him! the martells are understandably pissed off by the lannisters— of course— but... who is left to seek justice from? tywin is dead. robert is dead. aerys and rhaegar are dead. gregor is dead. amory lorch is dead. they could war against/kill cersei... i guess. jaime, maybe? myrcella? tommen? great, what would be the point? will their deaths feel good, emotionally, to the martells? or will they just feel hollow, like so many scenes of retribution in the series?

so i might favour ellaria's vision-- peace and submission, anything just to survive, to avoid hurting people. but this has its own very very obvious problems! pacifism is not a get out of jail free card lmao! "war will come, whether we wish it or not," obara says. it's highly possible this move would be seen as a sign of "weakness", and would only invite worse violences from the ruling power. again— the misery of this world is systemic, not individual. that's what feudalism is. that's what power is. it requires violence to maintain. but violence is also almost always required to challenge or protest it. so, ok. fuck. fuck! how can a world like this be borne? and how can we change it?

god i wish i knew!!!!!! — george rr. martin, 2011

#asoiaf #this is nowhere even close to my full thoughts on this. at all. but a little taste a little glimmer #'a little glimmer' i say about a 1500 word post #i spent so long on this im not gonna be able to get enough sleep oops. Oh well

[allwaswell16]

One Direction fics that made me cry as requested in this ask. If these fics make you cry, don't say I didn't warn you and direct all crying to the comments for these amazing writers. lol. You can find my other fic recs here. Happy (??) reading!

LARRY

Light, Spark and Fire by green_feelings / @greenfeelings

(E, 239k, a/b/o) If he sustains that lifestyle by getting paid to help alphas through their rut every now and then, that’s nothing to be hung up on. Until he’s hired by an alpha that turns everything upside down.

And Then a Bit by @infinitelymint

(E, 158k, canon) Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real

Wear It Like A Crown by @zarah5

(E, 141k, royal au) As part of a team of fixers hired to handle a gay scandal in Buckingham Palace, Louis expects Prince Harry to be a lot of things—most notably a royally spoilt brat. 

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by @100percentsassy, gloria_andrews / @gloriaandrews

(E, 134k, symphony au)  Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. 

Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere

(E, 124k, a/b/o) “That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

I'll Fly Away by @juliusschmidt

(E, 122k, small town) Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not

Nobody shines the way you do by wildestdreams / @butyouneverdo

(E, 115k, fake relationship) Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to help him win back his douchebag ex-boyfriend, but things don’t go according to plan.

 Emperor’s New Clothes by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

(E, 92k, exes) Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

 Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense​

(E, 83k, royal au) Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. 

Feels Like Coming Home by phdmama / @phd-mama

(E, 60k, exes) The last thing Harry Styles expects when he's hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that's exactly what happens.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) by  thedeathchamber / @louehvolution

(E, 55k, secrets) Harry thinks he has good reasons for avoiding relationships. Meeting Louis puts those reasons to the test.

The Second Hand Unwinds by @kingsofeverything

(E, 51k, time travel) When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

 where the lights are beautiful by twoshipsdrifting / @polkadotlou

(E, 48k, a/b/o) the accidental bonding a/b/o fic.

take my hand (and my heart and soul) by bananasandboots / @anylessreal

(E, 45k, amnesia au) the one where Harry hasn't spoken to his best friend in sixteen months and can't remember why.

The End Should Be A Good One by bananasandboots / @anylessreal

(E, 43k, exes)  the one where Harry loses the love of his life on New Years Eve and finds him again, six months later, ready to open some poorly-stitched wounds.

You Might Want to Marry My Husband by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings

(NR, 24k, moving on) When Harry’s husband dies, he asks one thing of him; to find love and happiness again without him.

 With These Arms Folded by @taggiecb

(NR, 21k, famous/not famous) Harry Styles is living a peaceful existence in California as a very successful song writer. That is until he receives a curious email one sunny summer morning, and his life almost immediately gets turned upside down by a force that's bigger than any storm he's seen outside his window.

RARE PAIRS

I Had Rather Hear My Dog Bark At A Crow by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

(E, 122k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) Nick and Louis don't like each other, not even a little bit, not even at all.

leave my life outside (or let me in) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(M, 52k, Zayn/Liam) Zayn is a 111 year old demon who is trying to decide his future. Liam is a 17 year old human struggling with his own life

 Somebody Hurt You (I Know A Place) by @writcraft

(E, 20k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) An unexpected encounter brings Nick and Louis together but before they can tell anyone about their relationship an attack on Louis tears them both apart. 

Miss Missing You by harriet_vane

(M, 16k, Liam/Louis) Louis wakes up after an accident with a year of memories gone and something not quite right about his relationship with Liam.

#1dficvillage #trackinghome #tracksintheam #hltracks #trackinghappily #1dsource #ficrec #fics that made me cry

[imogenleewriter]

do you currently have time to read fics yourself, and if so, what were the last ones you read and really liked? like something that stuck with you, or where you laughed a lot, etc… :)

I do! I tend to read shorter fics now because I don't have the time or attention span to read long ones at the moment - as a long fic writer, I'm glad other people do! I wrote the summaries below, but the authors' actual summaries are better than mine, so don't let my shitty ones turn you off the fic!

Somebody's Got Your Trainers On (It's You) by @greenblueish (bluegreenish on ao3) Words: 28k. Almost-exes to lovers. Hospital AU.

Louis is a paeds RN and Harry is a paediatrician that used to work at Louis' hospital. Harry leaves, ending his Situationship with Louis. He returns two years later.

My Thoughts: I LOVED this so much that I commented and then messaged Jill. I honestly don't understand how it's only 28k words because it felt like a whole-arse novel! I work in healthcare (and have worked in paeds) and it was the most accurate description of a ward setting, ward life, healthcare, and paeds that I've ever read. Not a single thing made me cringe. It was paced perfectly and had the right amount of tension and resolution. SO good.

you've set my soul to dreaming @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (we_are_the_same on ao3). Word count: 9.2K. Strangers to lovers. Kind of time travel... kind of.

Harry wakes up one Christmas morning expecting to be alone, like he was when he went to be the night before. Instead he wakes up in his bed, but everything else has changed. He quickly falls in love with his new life and is terrified that it won't last.

My Thoughts: Another fic that felt much longer than the WC (9.2k) because it was so in-depth. I have so much respect for writers who can say so much in so few words! It definitely lived up to the fluff and angst tag. I was almost worried it wasn't going to have a happy ending but it did and even included a short but satisfying epilogue.

Love in Conversation by @hellolovers13 Word Count: 4.9k. Strangers to lovers. Baking phone line.

Despite his protests, Louis has been tasked with making a birthday cake for his younger siblings. The problem? He has no idea what he is doing. After some failed attempts, he stumbles across a helpline for baking mishaps. The other voice on the line does their best to help over the phone, but when Louis still can't get it right, they realise that Louis might need a bit more guidance.

My Thoughts: Just like the premise, this one was super sweet. Both characters were extremely lovable. Just a really cute fic.

Just the two of us (we can make it if we try) by @starryhaze28 (starryhaze on ao3) Word Count: 5.9k. Established couple. A/B/O. Mpreg.

Louis is concerned because his omega has been yo-yo-ing between needy and distant and won't tell him why. As time goes by, he gets increasingly worried. Then he founds out his omega is pregnant.

My Thoughts: Established relationships and mpreg aren't usually my jam, however, this one had enough angst and fluff to draw me in. Very, very sweet.

The Space Between by @alltheselights Word Count: 39.9k. Strangers to lovers. A/B/O. Famous/Non-Famous.

Harry Styles is an alpha and famous rockstar who has everything except for the ability to sleep. When he reaches breaking point, Louis Tomlinson, an omega psychology PhD student, is contacted for his professional sleeping skills. Their relationship drifts into unprofessional territory, though.

My Thoughts: As someone very invested in sleeping - because I also lack the ability - I appreciated this fic. It was another "How did they cover so much in so few words" fic. Had the perfect amount of angst towards the end, a satisfying and lovely resolution.

Something To Remember by @parmahamlarrie Word Count: 25k. Strangers to lovers. Soulmate AU. Famous/Non-famous.

Both Louis and Harry find themselves in an Exclusive Resort in Maui for their respective jobs. Living in a universe where tattoos appear on your skin when you see your soulmate, both of them are surprised that tattoos start showing up. As time keeps passing, getting closer to their departures, they start to fear they'll never actually get to meet their soulmate.

My Thoughts: Not going to lie, I got a bit anxious that they weren't going to meet. You know I love a good countdown and this fic had one... and it served its purpose well, lol. But they do meet, and it's beautiful. Another beautiful fic.

Quiet People Have The Loudest Minds by @2tiedships2 Word Count: 38k. Strangers to Lovers. A/B/O.

Louis is a non-verbal omega and is at a Broadway show, but the alpha next to him is stealing all of his attention, and he just wants him to leave. Until the alpha introduces himself as Harry and offers to leave.

My Thoughts: ANOTHER one that felt as though it had a much longer word count because it was so in-depth. I really like the diversity representation. As someone who isn't non-verbal, I can't vouch for the accuracy; however, from the knowledge and experience I do have, it seemed to be handled really well and respectfully. Extremely well-written and another lovely read.

The next two are both by @zanniscaramouche (zanni_scaramouche on ao3):

My Pleasure (to make you mine), Word Count: 6.5k. Strangers to lovers. Piercing. Praise Kink.

Harry decides to get his nipples pierced, and Louis is the right person for the job.

Your Pain (is mine now) Word Count: 5.1k. Stranges to lovers. Tattoo. Pain and praise kink.

Louis decides to get a tattoo done by Harry.

My Thoughts: I'm putting them together as they have very similar vibes (and are written by the same person, lol). Both have light elements of BDSM and are portrayed softly and sweetly. The writing is amazing! You know how people say, "I've read fics where the writing is better than published books?" Well, okay, that IS a lot of fics, but Zanni 100% fits into that category!

Do You See What I See by @allwaswell16 Word Count: 2k. Mix between Strangers/friends to lovers.

Harry just really cares about lost animals. Really, really cares about them. He cares about potentially lost ones too. Ones that, you know, might not actually be lost. Best to take them to the vet, just in case.

My Thoughts: You asked if I have read any funny ones that made me laugh a lot, and I'm still laughing about this one. It's only 2k words, so I don't want to say too much about it. But awkward Harry is my new favourite thing.

Also, whenever I reblog a fic, that is generally a sign that I loved it!

For transparency's sake, I read a lot of questionable smut that is so questionable that I have not included it!

#larry stylison fanfiction #larryfiction #larry fic recs

[ink-stained-clouds]

I love when professors who take themselves too seriously can’t actually provide useful feedback. Just got two pages of criticism for a lecture my group developed and the only nice comments were segues into criticism. You’d think someone who takes so much pride in being an educator would know better but 🤷🏻‍♀️

#I can’t wait to show my advisor this she’s gonna be so mad #this whole thing is such a mess #inky speaks #phd(oing my best)

[loreleismusings99]

Two-Body Problem

Mark Watney x reader

Grad School AU, (academic) rivals to ??????

No use of pronouns or y/n

[Masterlist]

Not Beta-read, we die like Spirit and Opportunity.

CW: networking, Inaccurate depictions of organic chemistry, probably riddled with typos, but that's all I can think of. Please please please let me know if I missed anything and I'll add it to the top of the list

The reader and Mark are both PhD candidates at Northwestern and both happen to be GTAs for an o-chem/bio-chemistry class. They schedule and meet up on neutral ground(a library) to get some grading done together and some unexpected feelings creep in.

AN: This is the first fanfic I've ever written; critique is always welcome and encouraged, but, uh, perhaps manage your expectations? Idk 😅 I'm not the best when it comes to creative writing, but there's a criminally low amount of fic for The Martian and even fewer fic centered around Mark imo. I might continue this into something more, if there's demand and if I've the energy and motivation 🤷🏾

Alright, I'll stop trying to lamp-shade; Enjoy, and thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this 💚💚💚

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Wanna meet up to put a dent in the pile of grading I know you also have? 

The two of you exchanged numbers at the beginning of fall quarter out of politeness, but it was still surprising to see the notification from Mark’s text. 

Leaning back in your chair, you considered your options, the soft sensor schematic in front of you now fully abandoned after an hour of rearranging thermocouples and resistors trying to alleviate a stubborn inductive noise problem.

Mark had been a thorn in your proverbial side since the day you met him; well, night, to be exact—your blood begins to boil at the memory. You were engaged in cordial and calculated banter with a researcher working in a lab you were gunning for before being interrupted by someone exclaiming “Dr. Hernandez!” to your left. You blinked and the fragile connection you just began to form had crumbled as the attention of the faculty member in question whirled to the side and greeted a stocky and stubbly man who Dr. Hernandez introduced to you as “Mark Watney, one of my PhD students!” This confused you since his name tag clearly said, Plant Bio and Conservation and this was a mixer in the electrical and computer engineering department; “I’m working with him and a faculty member in my own department on developing novel ways of monitoring soil properties in areas in Illinois hardest hit by industrial runoff” Mark says with a smile that oozes levels of confidence and hubris only considerable privilege can spawn. He gives you a quick glance before saying, “which actually reminds me-” and steering Dr. Hernandez away from you. Now, this certainly stung, but it wasn’t anything that you couldn’t get over. No, what made this a problem was Mark’s uncanny ability to draw the room’s attention to him and his work, making it a just a tad difficult to properly network without having to entertain talk and conversation surrounding the department’s charismatic new wunderkind apparent. This combined with quite publicly challenging a design of yours for a class you two shared had firmly placed Mark in your list of worst enemies. Which, admittedly, might be a bit dramatic, but after some quippy and well worded critiques and suggestions to optimize a C++ script he’d written for the same class it seemed you’d made your way onto his hit list too, if department gossip had any veracity to it—so at least the feeling was mutual.

Which brings you back to your confusion at this new development in your communication with him; Mark hadn’t exactly jumped for joy when, in some sick reversal of the infamous two-body problem, the two of you got hired as TAs for the same introductory o-chem class. You exchanged numbers, but neither reached out to the other to host joint office hours, or to work together to get through the ever-growing pile of completed homework assignments that you two need to finish grading—in fact, this is the first time either of you texted the other since the first text you sent confirming your number as yours. Staring at your phone’s screen you weighed the pros and cons of saying yes; on the one hand, it’ll help the two of you get ahead on the imposing pile of work that had accumulated just in the first 2 and a half weeks of the quarter. On the other hand, it meant that you’d have to breathe the same air as your infuriatingly handsome nemesis for longer than you were required to. Not that he was your type. Absolutely not. He just… had an objectively strong jawline…. Choosing not to think too hard about that and reasoning that getting grading done was more important than your pride, you typed out a curt sure. See you at Galter in an hour? And waited for his equally as curt sounds good before getting up to go change out of your comfy, at-home garb and head out the door with your half of the grading pile and your laptop tucked away into your backpack.

You’re chewing the last bite of a pop tart you got, realizing you unfortunately forgot to eat dinner before leaving, and scrolling through Instagram when Mark walks through the glass doors leading into the Galter Health Sciences Library. Under a mild windbreaker, he’s wearing what’s presumably a band t-shirt but with a worn-out and unrecognizable logo tucked into his cuffed light wash jeans. He"s carrying a clearly well-loved canvas satchel with a Cubs patch sewn onto the front. His hair was artfully tousled as he ran a hand through it while he looked for you in the spattering of students who occupied the library at minutes to 9 on a Friday evening. When his eyes finally land on you, he looks taken aback, the carefree look wiped off his face for a moment before he smirks at you through an obviously clenched jaw. “Glad you didn’t decide to stand me up. You reserve a conference room?” You returned his tension-filled smirk with a smile resembling a sneer and responded, “Of course. We’re on the second floor.” You stood up from your seat and started walking in the direction of the staircase, looking behind you to make sure he was following you only to find him in the middle of a light jog to position himself on your right side.

“So, how’s the dissertation writing going?” he asks over his shoulder. Scoffing, you respond with an incredulous “How’s yours?”, hoping he pics up on your clear annoyance at being asked that dreaded question yet again. Wincing at your retort of a question, he concedes with a “Fair enough” And the two of you are plunged back into the awkward silence that permeates the sparsely populated library.

after finally finding the room you reserved(the library is like a maze, capable of ensnaring even the most seasoned of academics), you shuffle into the study room together and set up your computers and piles of homework to be graded before settling into a serene flow with Mark working quietly beside you.

after about thirty minutes, you look over to Mark’s pile and notice that his “complete” pile is, unfortunately, larger than yours, which ignites a spark of competition in you. You start to try to work through your pile faster and Mark seems to pick up on your haste.“Worried about falling behind?” he scoffs with a shit-eating grin, clasping his hands together in front of his mouth. “Oh, not in the slightest; just trying to optimize my time, I've more work to get back to, you know.” you say, smirking back at him but with a glint in your eye, tacitly challenging him to try to get through his pile before you get through yours.

The two of you actually make some substantial progress in both of your piles before you encounter one of the more difficult homework assignments your students have been assigned. You’re stumped by the multi-part problem at the top of the page, trying unsuccessfully to follow the student’s work in front of you.

“... You on homework 15 yet?”

“Yep.” you nod.

“... You have any idea what Dr. C is asking them to do?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Alright, just checking.”

Mark sits back in his chair with a thud and runs a hand down his face. you stand from your seat and move to the small whiteboard on the wall opposite where you were sitting and start to list out the knowns and unknowns in the problem statement. You can feel Mark’s eyes on you the entire time, following along with your work and your movements as you draw out the reaction being described in the first part of the problem. You get stumped at the end of the problem, trying to piece together the end products of the reaction. You hear Mark shift behind you before turning around to see him walking toward the whiteboard to silently walk himself through your work, nodding at each step you took. He picks up a marker and starts adding onto where you were stumped and you watch intently, absorbing what he’s writing. As he finishes the problem, you get the chance to actually get a look at him while he’s working; he furrows his eyebrows and you notice a small crease he gets between his eyebrows as they cinch together, and the faint spattering of freckles across his nose becomes apparent with how close he is to you now. God, he is so close-"that should be it? I think?" He looks to you with an indiscernible look in his eye; first, a hint of shock as his eyes widen--looks like he noticed how close you are too-- then something else you can't quite identify. It takes more effort than your willing to admit, but you eventually tear your eyes away from his and look at his work on the board. It all makes sense, you also note how messily he draws his diagrams of the assortment of carboxyl groups created by the process at the center of the problem(and it also takes everything within you not to smile at that, thinking to yourself, when did this start feeling nice???). "It, uh, it looks all good to me. And the rest should follow from this too." you utter awkwardly and turn to face him again. "Yeah?" His state of mind is still elusive to you, and he responds with an almost dazed sounding "Yeah."

The moment doesn't last for long though, as a soft knock sounds at the door, startling you both out of your joint reverie. "Hey, you guys are the TAs for o-chem this quarter, right? Do you have time to talk about the homework due tomorrow?" The two of you exchange a glance and invite the exhausted looking undergrad into the alcove.

After helping your wayward student, the two of you start packing up your now completed piles of grading in silence, the awkward air from the beginning of the night settling back in now that the distraction from grading was gone. The two of you are about to part ways at the entrance of the library when Mark stops you with a "hey," and says,"uh, so, I know we have this…whatever this is? Between us" He gestures chaotically back and forth in the space between you, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "But this is the most work I've gotten done in one sitting in a while. Would you, uh, like to do this again? Maybe? But at more reasonable hour?" Mark takes a defensive steps back, and this throws you off for a multitude of reasons. One, Mark is acting nervous, which is something you've had the pleasure of witnessing mabe once in your time being around him. Two, he seems to be genuinely asking spend more time with you. And, to be honest, after the silence between the two of you was broken, that was also the most productive you've been in a while. And it probably wouldn't hurt to actually collaborate with him instead of trying to compete with him. Just as you began to fear you were taking too long to respond, Mark pulls his hands out of his pockets and puts them up in the universal "I'm harmless" pose, "you don't have to, I just thought I'd ask-" "sure." You cut him off before he can try to answer his question for you. He looks at you with what can only be described as gleeful shimmer in his eyes and smirked again; this time, though, it didn't have his usual venom behind it. "Yeah?" He asks hopefully. "Yeah." You smile in return, it reaching your eyes this time.

#the martian #andy weir #the martian(2015) #mark watney #mark watney x reader #mark watney x gn!reader #gn!reader #self insert #no use of y/n #this is my first fanfic #and yes #I was imagining 90's Matt Damon while imagining what Mark would've looked like in grad school #academic rivals #enemies to lovers #? #but perhaps not as intense? #idk man #i just work here #space pirate #mark watney x oc

[dreamerinsilico]

I am so, so fucking tired of the word "luxury" when it comes to housing.

My absolutely horrendous apartment complex, which lays claim to that word on its website, gave me the second-worst anxiety attack I've had since I've lived here today, because of its mismanagement (which incidentally, violates my leasing contract, but probably the best I could really get done pursuing that legally is getting out the lease early without penalty).

My bathroom sink cold faucet barely works, since I moved in over a year ago (I don't place maintenance calls for things that aren't catastrophic issues because I hate having most PEOPLE in my living space, let alone fucking strangers, which was my main issue today). My shower water pressure is just depressing. My kitchen appliances also suck. In terms of amenities, it's anyone's guess at any given time whether the laundry room that's actually near me will be functional. The swimming pool has been closed since I moved in a year and a half ago (not that I'd be using it, but still.)

But this is a luxury apartment complex. Apparently the luxury is rent that's affordable on a 50kish salary (which is not at all appropriate for the engineering PhD I have, or really anyone, because hello social safety net where??? UBI when?), but that's another problem) and not much else.

L O fucking L.

I'm paying at least $400 more in rent and fees for this shithole than I ever did in this city in grad school (2010-2016), and even just the apartment itself when nothing critical is broken and we're disregarding how incompetent management is, is the worst I've ever lived in. Thanks, I hate it.

#personal #us stuff #housing

[metalprompts]

*      ―      IT WASN’T A PHASE, MOM !  ( PART TWO. )

a collection of lyrics taken from my mostly myspace era nostalgia playlist. this one goes out to all the former emo kids.  some triggering content may appear.  as always, feel free to change and adjust anything as needed.

“ things happen but we don’t really know why. “

“ all these things i hate revolve around me. “

“ why can’t you just be straight up with honesty? “

“ i’m coming home. i’ve been gone for far too long. “

“ have i fucked things up again? “

“ my bed’s so cold and lonely. “

“ you’ve got me shaking from the way you’re talking. “

“ if i had common sense, i’d cut myself or curl up and die. “

“ if this is love, i don’t wanna be loved. “

“ if i could be the devil, you can be the sinner. “

“ you could be the drugs and i could be the dealer. “

“ everything you say is like music to my ears. “

“ i’ve got you under a spell and i don’t think i’ll be letting you out. “

“ if this is heaven, then baby i don’t wanna know hell. “

“ i could’a went to college like rich kids do. “

“ in rock n’ roll, i got a phd. “

“ we got all that we need, packed it up in the van. “

“ i ain’t got shit, but i got this far. “

“ it’s probably better we’re not together. “

“ we were so young and invincible. “

“ young love was such dumb love. “

“ our first kiss stole the breath from my lips, why did the last one tear us apart? “

“ we were just kids in love. “

“ you won’t try to save me. you just want to hurt me and leave me desperate. “

“ you taught my heart a sense i never knew i had. “

“ i bet you believe that i’m better off with you than someone else. “

“ i’m not your boyfriend, baby. “

“ i’m not your knight in shining armor. “

“ l-o-v-e’s just another word i never learned to pronounce. “

“ how do i say i’m sorry? ‘cause the word is never gonna come out. “

“ i’m so bored, your words aren’t making sense. “

“ one more drink and i’m convinced. “

“ it’s been hell not having you here. “

“ i’ve been missing you so bad and you don’t seem to care. “

“ i bet you’ve never had a friday night like this. “

“ i don’t want this anymore. the thought of you is no fucking fun. “

“ i’m tired of begging for the things that i want. “

“ if i leave, i’m alone. but what’s the difference when you beg for love? “

“ we fell in love and now we’re both alone. “

“ i know it’s hard, but who are you to fall apart on me? “

“ i still think you’re beautiful. “

“ i don’t ever wanna lose my best friend. “

“ i really hope you enjoy the show. “

“ hotels are cheap and there’s one down the street. “

“ i’m sorry, i can’t see that you truly love me. “

“ i don’t care if you’re sick, i don’t care if you’re contagious. i would kiss you even if you were dead. “

“ did you call me last night just ‘cause you couldn’t get laid? “

“ you’ve got me right where you want me. “

“ i know i’m a bastard, but i’m not a coward. “

“ why can’t you see what you’re doing to me? “

“ don’t worry, i’ve let you go long before you left me. “

“ nothing compares to a quiet evening alone. “

“ let’s be more than this. “

“ you wear your heart on your sleeve, i threw mine to the sky. “

“ when you use your lips, they better be on me. “

“ liars turn me on. “

“ it’s only a crime if i get caught. “

“ i can’t keep sleeping in your bed if you keep messing with my head. “

“ i can’t keep touching you like this if it’s just temporary bliss. “

“ don’t even talk about the consequences, ‘cause right now you’re the only thing that’s making any sense to me. “

“ i don’t give a damn what they say or what they think, ‘cause you’re the only one who’s on my mind. “

“ will you be mine tonight? “

“ i thought you knew that i was crazy. “

“ who the fuck do you think you are? “

“ i can never be a perfect fucking image of what you want. “

“ we’re dancing with the devil. he’ll drink you under the table. “

“ do you still want me? “

“ i won’t be angry if you have to leave. but i won’t be waiting. “

“ don’t say you’re sorry because i won’t believe you. “

“ i’ve tried so hard to be what you needed. “

“ i’ve tried for so long to make you believe that i’m not the enemy. “

“ i never wanted a partner and i never loved you. “

“ i never wanted a partner and i never loved you, so now you’re free to leave. “

“ i swear to you now, i won’t call. “

“ congratulations. go home now. “

“ stop talking to me. i haven’t been listening. “

“ music is dead thanks to you cunts. “

“ my only home is the bottom of a bottle and a rolled up bill. “

“ i am rock and roll at it’s fucking finest. “

“ self destruction is such a pretty little thing. “

“ don’t bother sleeping without one eye open wide. “

#rp meme #rp prompt #roleplay meme #roleplay prompt #sentence starters

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

tta episode 3

“Last time on Total Takes Action: the teams competed in a few video game-themed challenges, causing multiple paint stains, and some injuries. Trouble in paradise rocked the Shaloner love boat, and put some distance between Joner and the other players. O took on Michela as a personal project, and she unknowingly did the same when she opened his eyes to the power of incredible violence. McLovin took the carpet of shame and boarded the Lame-o-Sine, leaving his team in shambles… mostly. Will Kelly and Austin ever get their heads in the game? Will Joner and Sha-Mod survive without their buddy? Find out now- on Total! Takes! Action!”

“Rise and shine, campers! Your challenge today is a personal favorite of Chef’s, so get your butts to the craft services tent, pronto!”

The intercom crackles off and everyone in the boys and such trailer groans. Since McLovin’s elimination, there’s been no need to share bunks, leaving Scruffy a little more energetic than yesterday. 

They hop out of their bed and stretch, smiling brightly. “Wonder what the challenge could be today, huh?”

“Don’t you know?” Peter asks, wide-eyed. 

Scruffy’s eye twitches. 

---

SCRUFFY: “Am I bothered by the fact that I’m not prepared for this at all? No! I’m fine. There’s some… fun in the unexpected, right?”

---

“Chef’s favorite,” Michela thinks aloud, walking alongside Bonnie to the tent. “War movie?”

They rub their chin. “Prison break?”

“Bear mauling documentary?” Scary chimes in as they approach the craft services tent. Michela shrugs. 

“I bet it’s a romance challenge,” Kelly says happily, waving their hands around to dry their freshly-applied pink nail polish. “He seems like a romantic gentleman.”

Michela and Bonnie cough to cover their laughs, and Scary just grumbles “It better not be”.

The boys and such are already seated in the tent, leaving the girls to split up and drift over to their respective teams. The atmosphere seems a little tense, the epicenter of the uncomfortable energy radiating from the Anons. Joner is sitting beside Sha-Mod, whistling and twirling his thumbs. Sha-Mod is staring off into the distance. 

---

SHA-MOD: “Okay, so, maybe Joner was only friends with me for McLovin’s sake- so what? I have plenty of friends! Like... um... uh...”

---

Sha-Mod turns to Scary and inhales to speak before she glares at him, effectively shutting him up before he can get a word out. He sighs. 

Chris walks in seconds later, wearing a sharp suit and holding a bouquet of roses. 

“Back from another award show?” Scruffy asks, genuinely curious. Chris chuckles. 

“Not quite. Good morning, campers! It’s time to grab a partner, because this is a romantic comedy challenge!”

The contestants look at each other nervously. 

---

SCARY: “You have got to be kidding me,”

---

Chris walks between the tables. “There are a lot of common tropes in romcoms- the lovebirds, the ex, the best friend- and today, each of you will be filling those roles and becoming the most adorable, wholesome, tear-jerking love plots ever concocted!” he smiles. “You’ll be partnering up with a teammate and competing in a triathlon of love!”

Bonnie points to the back of their throat and gags while Caesar squeals. 

---

BONNIE: “From zombies to corny, over-exposed kissing… great. Just up my alley! I just got used to having friends, and now I’m getting thrown into this?!”

---

CAESAR: “My mom is a huge Hallmark watcher, so I grew up with a PhD in romance,” he pauses to sigh dreamily. “It’s all just acting, but that’s what I’m best at!”

---

Michela sighs, putting her head in her hands. O, seated beside her, pats her back reassuringly. “Thinking about Max?”

She nods. “I miss him tons,”

“Well… maybe I can help!”

“So, first off,” Chris says, tossing the bouquet aside and pulling six pairs of handcuffs from the wrapping. “You’ll be choosing your own partner- and choose wisely, because today’s challenge is a double-elimination!”

The campers gasp and look between each other. Chris laughs again and starts tossing the handcuffs to the respective team tables, narrowly missing the heads and fingers of several teens. 

“Roll call!” he shouts, standing between the tables. “Let’s see these pairs!”

“Oh, me and Bonbon!” Caesar says excitedly, raising a hand. Chef walks over and clamps on their cuffs, locking them together and putting the key in his apron. Bonnie’s eyes watch each move carefully. 

---

BONNIE: “Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but Chris would never throw us a candle-lit dinner as a challenge- I’ll bet my console that the real test is getting out of these cuffs! Erm- no offense, Caesar,” the camera zooms out to Caesar sitting beside Bonnie in the makeup confessional. He shrugs. 

CAESAR: “You’ll come around to this,”

---

Kelly and Austin lock themselves together and willingly hand over the key, grinning. Scary rolls their eyes. 

Michela and O smile at the cuffs while Peter and Fren fist-bump. Joner swallows a lump in his throat and turns to Sha-Mod, then to Scruffy, who’s staring at their notepad on the table and tapping their chin. 

“Hey, Scruffy-” he starts. 

Scary butts in. “Nope, they’re spoken for. We have business,”

“But-”

“Find your own partner!” she snaps before dragging Scruffy away. 

---

SCRUFFY: “Normally, I’d have no problem taking on challenges by myself- but I didn’t know that this season would be brand new challenges- I rewatched TDA for nothing!”

---

Joner’s shoulders drop and he turns to Sha-Mod, who’s pretending to look at a bird’s nest outside. He sighs. “Let’s do this,”

---

Chris stands before the campers, a sprawling, sandy wasteland behind him. “This is our brand-new, state of the art obstacle course. Here, you’ll be doing the "meet cute" portion of the challenge, while dodging some classic romantic cliches and trying to reach the end- the first team who does wins this leg of the race,”

“Um,” Scary looks around Chris’ shoulder. “Where are the obstacles?”

He grins wickedly. “That’s part of the fun,”

The campers look at each other nervously as Chris holds up a flare gun. “On your marks- get set- go!”

Bonnie starts off strong, practically dragging Caesar behind them. They pant as they run across the sandy sprawl. “Maybe winning will give us the key, as an advantage in the next part!” they say, lifting up Caesar by the scruff of his neck when he falls over. 

“Bonnie, I think this is just a romance-themed episode,” he huffs, dodging a cutout of a bad ex as it springs out from under the sand. 

They laugh desperately. “With Chris in charge? No way!”

Behind the two, Kelly and Austin follow, holding hands and merrily skipping over the melted chocolate quicksand and the rivals-to-lovers pit traps. 

“This really is the sticks, huh, baby?”

“I love romance!” Kelly shouts back. “I’ve always wanted a love like in the movies!”

The two run into a portion of the track designed to be an airport terminal, rushing past extras to “confess their love” at the gate while dodging tiny darts. 

“Like ours, baby?” Austin jokes, narrowly dodging a flying saw. 

Kelly thinks for a moment. “Um… not really!” 

Austin’s smile drops. “What do you mean by-” a giant log swings from the ceiling and crashes into him, sending him flying backwards and dragging Kelly along with him. 

Michela and O run past, looking back at the two and then to each other, nervously. 

“So, what was your big plan?” Michela asks, pulling O down to avoid another flying saw. 

He grins, and pulls something out of his pocket, then turns, obscuring his face- when he turns back, Michela grimaces. 

“Is that a-”

O nods, adjusting the Max mask on his face. “Chris has a ton of these! I found them while burning the Geoff one from last season!”

“Why does Chris have a bunch of paper copies of our faces?”

“Oh, he has silicone molds, too. I hear he’s working on AI models now,”

“Wow, that’s weird. Someone should probably stop him from being able to use our likeness for profit without our consent,”

Michela and O look into the camera and then speed up. 

The next portion of the obstacle course is a mysterious, gothic castle, full of candlelight and roses. “This is bizarre,” Bonnie murmurs. 

“This is camp,” Caesar nods. “Vampire romance, duh!”

“Okay, sue me for not being updated on my supernatural love lore,” 

From behind the pair, Scary watches a dart prick Peter and send him into immediate paralysis. “HOW is this romance themed?!”

---

Bonnie and Caesar reach the end of the course first, completely unscathed (aside from a few scuffs on Caesar’s pants). Scary and Scruffy follow, then Michela and O, then Fren dragging an unconscious Peter behind him. Sha-Mod and Joner run up soon after, both looking miserable and tired. 

“Seems like we’re missing someone,” Chris grins, tapping his chin. 

The campers look at each other, perplexed before the sound of angry bickering follows from behind. They turn to see Austin and Kelly shouting at each other, looking angrier than anyone has ever seen them. 

“I’m just saying, maybe I want something of substance in this relationship!” Kelly yells, crossing their arms. 

“Is this not enough for you?!” Austin shouts back, pointing at his behind. Kelly rolls their eyes. 

“You’ve been holding me back this whole time!”

“And you’ve been ruining my flow! You threw out my Jane Fonda workout tapes!”

“You used them as coasters!”

The two keep shouting at each other, and the other campers cover their ears. Chris grins. 

“Well, since Bonnie and Caesar got here first, the Fujoshis win the first part of the challenge,” he says. “But, Anons- you still have a shot if you can complete this.”

Chris pulls the drawstrings to a curtain behind him and it parts, revealing a restaurant set. “A state of the art, 5-star dinner with your partner- we’ll be measuring your satisfaction level with these,” he says, placing a small band connected to several wires on Bonnie’s head. Chef rolls out a large machine on a dolly- the screen reading “neutral”

“This is our recently renovated Dramameter!” Chris says, patting the side of the metal beast. “For today’s challenge, your emotions will be turned into data and read back to us on this screen. Your goal is simple- to enjoy a pleasant, romantic date with your partner. Anyone who falls below “annoyed” on our scale will be disqualified from the final part of the challenge.”

Austin and Kelly stop their arguing for a moment and cross their arms in unison, turning away from each other. Scary sighs.

“Much better,”

---

SCARY: “It’s not that I hate romance- I acknowledge that it’s a massively important part of human history and culture- it’s just that it irks me when it makes people start acting irrationally, which is… all the time,”

---

Michela and O sit across from each other, chuckling and chatting like best friends. Peter and Fren are discussing the cultural implications of Miku, and Scary and Scruffy are swapping Geiger counters. Bonnie watches and groans. 

“You could at least try to like this,” Caesar sighs. He's trying not to give up on them.

They grumble, taking a seat at the fancy table. “This is just not up my alley,”

“But swimming with man-eating sharks and dodging landmines is?”

Bonnie thinks for a moment, and then nods, dead-serious. Caesar rubs his temples. 

---

BONNIE: “What? I’m not really a dating sim guy. I mean… it’s so complicated. Hit one wrong dialogue option and suddenly, the character you’re after hates you, and it takes two hours of real time to win them over again. Bashing zombie brains and carrying a team is much more relaxing.”

---

Chris drifts by their table, grinning. "By the way, anyone who takes off their cuffs is immediately disqualified," he chuckles as he walks away.

---

Kelly and Austin glare at each other, refusing to make conversation. Chef passes, dressed in a cupid outfit and playing a harp. 

---

KELLY: “I can’t believe I never saw it before. This whole time, I’ve been so… distracted. Austin is great, but maybe I need to focus more on... me,”

---

AUSTIN: “This is what I get for trusting monogamy…”

---

“Trouble in paradise?” Chris asks, tapping on the drama meter that’s reading a cold “dissatisfied” between Kelly and Austin. 

“What paradise?” Kelly remarks, turning away. 

Fren and Peter watch from afar, splitting the complementary breadsticks Chef had served. 

“That’s so weird. How could they start hating each other just like that?” Peter asks. “I mean, if someone was that mad at me, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Ever.”

Fren blinks. “It’s just… romance,” he shakes his head. “Sometimes the pressure is just too much.”

Peter frowns. 

---

Kelly and Austin sit on a nearby set of bleachers, still connected at the wrists but turned in different directions. A loud buzzing noise from the set releases Fren and Peter, who sit on the benches below them. 

Kelly’s eyes drift down. “What are you two doing here?”

Fren sighs. “Chris released hungry rats onto the set,”

They nod. Austin doesn’t bother joining in, too busy scribbling “Free Love” on his forearm with a marker he found. As a statement. 

Peter looks up. “Do you guys want to talk?”

Fren nudges him as if to say “it’s not our battle.” But he’s ignored. Kelly shakes their head curtly and turns away. Another loud buzz. Michela and O sit on the bottom bleacher, laughing a little as O throws his Max mask away. 

“What was that?” Fren asks. 

“Chris found the mask and considered it cheating, so we were disqualified,” O says, tossing the paper cutout across the room. “But we made some good progress.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Michela rolls her eyes, smiling. 

Another buzz. Scary and Scruffy walk over, arguing about something in scientific terms that no one else can understand. Peter nods along knowingly. 

“Who’s left out there?” Michela asks, crossing her legs. “Bonnie and Caesar, and-”

The Anons look pale. “Joner and Sha-Mod,”

---

Joner and Sha-Mod sit awkwardly at their table, the former whistling and looking around the room, the latter playing with the salt and pepper shakers. 

Chris approaches. “Keeping a steady mild, are we? Keep it up- you’re the only anons left,” he chuckles, walking away. The two turn to Bonnie and Caesar, who, at this point, haven’t said much of anything. 

Bonnie is avoiding making eye contact with Caesar like the plague, and he’s taken his cue and is sweating profusely, twanging the tongs of his salad fork in his fingers. 

Bonnie finally takes a deep breath. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I swear,”

Caesar nods along. They continue. “I’m just not sure what to do here,”

“You don’t have to be sure,” Caesar places a reassuring hand over Bonnie’s. They turn beet red and look down. “I can help! That’s what makes us so great, you know?”

He smiles. “We’re so different, but we understand each other. We each bring our different strengths to the table. And there’s nothing wrong with not knowing what to do,” he withdraws his hand and Bonnie exhales, noticing a light pink shade over his face as well. “I learned that lesson the hard way on island. You practically carried me, so let me carry you through this.”

Bonnie smiles gratefully. “You don’t have to-”

“I don't, you’re right. But I want to,” he smiles back. “You’re tough, but you don’t have to have your guard up all the time. You can let people help you.”

“It’s hard,” they protest, looking at their lap. “I don’t want to burden anyone.”

“Burden?! Me?!” Caesar laughs. “Please. Unless you’re my makeup specialist…”

Bonnie laughs back, and their drama meter score rises from “awkward” to “pleasant”. 

Joner and Sha-Mod watch nervously, theirs still at the “mild” it’s been the entire round. They both swallow lumps in their throats and look from side to side, avoiding eye contact. 

“Get in the game!” Scary yells. 

Scruffy joins in. “You don’t have to kiss, guys! Just get along!”

The two force eye contact with each other and a beam of awkward unpleasantness gets blasted from their epicenter, knocking those close onto their backs. 

“What is with those two?” Fren asks, helping Michela up. “They’re worse than the wads in the back.” He jabs a thumb forward, to where Kelly and Austin are arguing about who’s standing first. 

Kelly finally yanks him up and he squeaks like a dog toy. But, just before he can fully stand, the chain of the handcuffs disintegrate and Austin falls to the floor. Kelly gasps. 

“Kelly and Austin will not be eligible to compete in the final challenge- they’re out!” Chris yells into his megaphone. 

Scary and Scruffy turn back to glare at them. 

“And with that being said, Sha-Mod and Joner are clearly not suited to win this, so this round goes to the Fujoshis!”

Michela, O, Peter, and Fren cheer. Bonnie breathes a sigh of relief and whispers a quick “thank you” to Caesar. He nods. 

“Onto the final part!”

---

“Every romance movie has the inevitable “breakup” in the third act- it’s a climax as old and true as time,” Chris says as Chef goes around, un-handcuffing everyone. “But, as in all happy endings, the lovebirds make their ways back to each other. Which you’ll be doing, blindfolded in the dark maze from last episode!”

The campers blink. 

“Don’t worry, we loved it up appropriately. And Anons- if you manage to win, I'll call it a tie!" The Fujoshis protest, but Chris ignored them. "Chef, please escort one half of every pairing to the entrance,”

Chef yanks Peter, O, Scruffy, Bonnie, and Joner away as everyone else fastens their blindfolds. 

“You know the drill. First pair to find your partners and get out of the maze is one pair closer to a victory for your team. Anyone who removes their blindfold is disqualified,” he notes. “Oh, and we left a few… surprises... in the maze you might want to keep an ear out for. Ready? Go!”

He fires a gun into the air right next to Caesar's ear and the campers run inside (besides the aforementioned, who yelps and falls backwards). Outside the maze still, Kelly and Austin sit on the asphalt. “You two are in detention. Might wanna Breakfast Club it up and make some amends before the elimination ceremony tonight,” Chris chuckles, walking away. 

Kelly and Austin glare at each other. 

---

“Michela?” O shouts into the maze. “Michela?”

He suddenly bumps into someone much taller. Fren huffs and almost falls over in his heels, but regains his balance. “Who’s there?”

“This is O. Can’t find Peter?”

He shakes his head. A chorus of different names echo in the maze- “O?” “Scary?” “Scruffy?” “Caesar?”

Joner walks by, blindfolded, not yelling anything at all. 

---

As Joner continues through the maze, he bumps into someone. He swallows nervously. “Scruffy? Is that you?”

“It’s me,” Sha-Mod says, standing and wiping off his shirt. “Well, we might as well find a way out now.”

Joner sighs. “Yeah…”

---

SHA-MOD: "I did some thinking in that dark maze, cause there really isn't that much else to do, and I had a Sha-Piphany: I don't want to be on this show at all! It was fun when I was with my friends, but now it's like I checked into a hotel and they're not letting me leave," he pauses to think. "That's a pretty good idea for a song. The Hotel... Canada."

---

Kelly and Austin sit outside. Austin is watching a ladybug crawl around on the ground, looking for a place to hide from the scorching sun. He picks it up and sets it on his shoulder. Kelly smiles at the interaction, and then turns away. 

“I don't mean to ruin the negative mood, baby…” Austin says, playing with the ladybug. “But if you’ve always felt this way, why didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t even know until today. I mean… I thought we were perfect!”

“So did I, baby!”

“Maybe believing that we had no issues was what caused us to ignore the big ones…” Kelly sighs. “I feel like I’ve been putting myself aside for this relationship.”

“I’m sorry, baby. If it helps, I always feel like I’m living in your shadow. For the Queen’s sake, you’re lovely, you’re sharp, you’re stronger than any bloke I’ve ever met!”

Kelly laughs. “I appreciate it, but I think that’s another issue. We were too busy seeing each other as flawless that we couldn’t acknowledge the problems we had, so we couldn’t grow,” they look up. “Sorry, I’ve been listening to the lectures O gives himself when he thinks no one can hear him in the trailer.”

“No, baby, we all listen to him,” Austin shrugs. “But not closely enough.”

Kelly takes a deep breath, smiling. “I don’t hate you”

“I don’t hate you either!”

“Maybe… we should try being friends before dating,” they propose. 

Austin sits up, considering it for a moment. “I have no tiffs with that at all. Friends are right groovy,”

The two shake hands just as Scary and Scruffy run out of the maze, panting. A giant bear in a pink tutu runs out and chases them across the lot. Kelly and Austin blink. 

---

“This way!” Michela and O run past Bonnie, still alone. They listen to their pants get further and further in the distance and then sigh. 

Even with their voice hoarse, they keep yelling. “Caesar!”

Nothing. Bonnie looks from side to side, as if their hearing might be heightened by turning in different directions. Still, nothing. They scratch their throat. “Come on, Caesar, don’t leave me here!”

---

Joner and Sha-Mod walk by in relative silence. Every few seconds, one coughs or sneezes or scratches themselves to announce their presence to the other. 

Sha-Mod sighs. “Can I ask you something?”

“Um… sure,”

“You were only friends with me for McLovin, right?”

Joner pauses for a moment. “No, dude, of course not. I thought you were only friends with me because of McLovin,”

“No way! I mean, he’s why we started talking, but you’re my buddy now!”

“Really?” Joner pauses, thinking. “I guess… I guess I was just afraid of what happened with Michela happening with you, too.”

Sha-Mod shakes his head. “Whole different story. I’m here to stay,”

The two awkwardly try to fistbump and then miss several times before finally finding each other, just as they walk face-first into a wall. 

---

Michela, O, Peter, Fren, Scary, Scruffy, and Kelly and Austin wait patiently on the asphalt outside. Chris whistles. “Man, these guys are really not doing well today,”

---

Bonnie yells again, and then coughs. “Caesar!”

Their voice is starting to give out. They’re starting to think risking immediate disqualification to take off their blindfold is worth it. 

As they step through the maze, their foot lands on a tile on the floor that sinks. “Oh, great,”

Bonnie drops as a dozen heart-tipped arrows fly across the hall. When they stand and turn the opposite direction, they bump into someone. 

“Caesar?!” they ask. No response, but they feel a pair of hands on their face. They sigh, relieved. "Caesar! Okay, let’s get out of here."

---

Joner and Sha-Mod wander through the maze, merrily chatting like nothing happened at all. As they feel a cool breeze, they gasp in delight and speed up. 

“Outta my way!” a scratchy voice yells from behind them. Bonnie shoves the two to the side and pulls Caesar out of the maze first. The Fujoshis stand and cheer. 

“Congratulations, Fujoshis! Anons… I’ll be seeing you tonight,” Chris chuckles, walking away. Joner and Sha-Mod exit seconds later, pulling off their blindfolds and smiling nervously at their unhappy teammates. 

---

“Anons- you loved, but you ultimately lost. And in this special double-elimination, two of you will be going home,” 

The team members look at each other nervously. “Only two of you are definitely safe. And those are… Scary and Scruffy,” 

The four remaining players glance at each other. “Joner, Sha-Mod- you cost your team the win, twice. Kelly and Austin, you just plain refused to compete. But only two of you will be leaving. And those people… are…”

“Kelly and Austin. Sha-Mod and Joner, you’re safe,”

The latter sigh in relief, catching their golden Chris’. Kelly and Austin both look defeated, but get up anyway. 

---

KELLY: “I’ve learned a lot about myself this past week. And, hey, maybe this is for the better. Austin and I both have a lot of individual growth to do, and I for one am glad it’s not going to be broadcasted on TV,”

---

AUSTIN: “Bummer, baby, so ungroovy. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that romance is full of bears and poison darts. Not for me, baby!”

---

Chris watches them leave with a grin. Scary wiggles their fingers as they wave goodbye in delight. 

“Who will be walking the carpet of shame next time? And who will stay to play? Find out next episode on Total! Takes! Action!”

#tta #total takes action