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lillylvjy · 1 year

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Walking out the door (with your bags)

A/n/// hi! So this is 1/2 fics I’m posting today and to be completely honest. I hate this. It’s poorly written but I tried! Writing angst with high school au is harder than I thought :/ but I hope you enjoy’ and there may be a part 2??? Depends if people even like this part.

Warnings//crying, nail picking/biting, bleeding, reader is doing terrible in this fic, mentions of eating, unrequited love (well that’s what it se-), tell me if I missed anything loves:)

I sincerely apologize for this piece of crap

^^i love this too much

You shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t have told him. If you didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t be ignoring you. You wouldn’t be catching his small glances towards you from across the cafeteria. You’d be with him. Laughing, crying, still being his best friend. But no. It hurt too much.

Loving him hurt.

You were in your room, blaring music in your headphones to distract yourself from your thoughts, playing with your hands as you heard a faint knock over the music.

“Come in.” You said in a monotoned voice as you took off your headphones. Your mom slowly opens the door peaking in before opening the door fully and frowning at the sight.

Your hair was greasy and all messed up and strewn everywhere. You had the same baggy clothes on that you wore for two days straight. Your face was red and swollen from crying all day. Your fingers stung and bled from you biting and picking at them. You were surrounded by plates from dinner, only half eaten, cups, and trash. Clothes were thrown everywhere on the floor. And you just say on your bed, back against the wall as you looked down at your lap, not wanting to meet your moms eyes.

“Honey…. What happened?” Your mom whispered as she slowly made her way over to you.

Your lips started to quiver as you tried to hold back your tears. “I fucked up. Mom, I fucked up.” Once you finished your sentence, you broke down. Your mom rushing to your side and held you in her arms. You leaned into her chest and sobbed into her shirt as she rubbed your head, shushing you as you wails and pleads for him back got louder.

“Shh dear, shh. Calm down. Deep breathes, in and out.” She demonstrated as you followed her chest as it moved up and down with every breath she took.

Once you were calmed down to the point of talking, she finally asked; “What happened?”

You took a deep breath as you sat up and looked up at her for the first time since she’s been here. “You know about my um, crush on Wil right?”

“Obviously. Anyone can see it, you don’t try to hide it sweetie.” Your mom confesses.

“Yeah, well apparently Wilbur didn’t notice and I just ruined everything with him. But-“ you quickly stop as your voice got shaky and your throat closed up. “It hurt. Knowing he didn’t like me. Knowing he likes another person. So. That’s why I did it.”

“Did what exactly sweetie?” Your mom questioned you as you sighed and closed your eyes as more tears dropped.

/////////////////////////

Wilbur was talking to you in the music room as he sat at the piano and you on top of it. Having done this so many times, you never really worried about breaking it or hurting it.

“Yeah, they’re just like- so amazing and i don’t know how to ask them out and stuff. Do you have anything.” Wilbur asked you as he sighed and looked at you.

You shook your head, not really wanting to talk in fear of you breaking down. He hasn’t shut up about them. About that person he likes. I mean, it’s not like you’re unhappy at him or angry. No! You just can’t stand the thought of loving him while he talks and admires another person. It hurt.

He wanted to take them to the annual prom, but didn’t shut up about how to ask them and if he should take them on a date first. At first you were supportive and happy for him. Now. You were exhausted and upset of hearing about this. Hearing about what he wanted to do, and it not being for you. Hearing how he talked about them, and it not being you.

Ok maybe you were being selfish, but this is Wilbur we’re talking about. The person you’ve liked since 7th grade. And he was talking about taking someone else to the dance you imagined him asking you too. So yeah, you were going to be selfish. He didn’t want you. He didn’t want you like you wanted him. Needed him.

“Wilbur I-“ you sighed as you cut off his rambling. “Reject me.” You said as you finally looked at him.

Wilbur furrowed his eyebrows at you and tilted his head. “W-What?”

“Reject me. Tell me you don’t love me like I love you so I can move on. So I can stop thinking about you. So that every time you talk about them, I don’t get envious over them and wish it was me. So that I don’t have to keep suffering from this feeling of- of hurt. Please. Reject me.” You sobbed out the last part as you got off the piano and looked at him.

“Y/n I-“

“Wil. I know you don’t like me. Hell you make it clear each and every day! Reject me.” You cut him off, just wanting to get this heartbreaking conversation over with.

“I don’t love you like that Y/n. Never really thought about you like that to be honest. I mean, I do as a friend but nothing else.” Wilbur said as he frowned up at you as you started to sob harder.

“I don’t- I don’t think I can be your friend and not see you the way I used too. I’m sorry i put you through this Wilbur. I’m leaving now. I’ll be here if you need me.” You quickly said as you grabbed your things and left before you broke down even more than you were.

/////////////////////////

“It hurt mom. It hurt to love him when he didn’t love me back. I just couldn’t. And I thought if he rejected me it’d be easier but no. It just made it harder.” You sobbed back into your moms chest as she rubbed your back and kissed your forehead.

“Shh I know sweets. I know. And it’s not your fault. You did what you had to and what you thought was right for yourself. And that’s more important than anything.” Your mom whispered to you as she pulled you back to look at her. “Maybe one day you’ll figure something out with him, yeah?” She pushed your hair out of your face as she smiled at you.

“Yeah. Maybe.” You gave her a small sad smile as she sighed and got up.

“Dinners almost done, ok? Maybe you could eat with us tonight?” Your mother asked.

You nodded up at her as you got up. “Yeah. That sounds nice. I’m also going to take a shower real quick, I don’t look the greatest, do I?”

“Yeah, no. No you don’t.” You both laughed with each other. Your mom gave you one final kiss on your forehead and left.

You sighed and got clothes to change into after your shower.

‘One day. One day I’ll have my best friend back.’

taglist: @deadphantomsociety @jadeissues @aimi-chann @gaytoadwithapopsicle @art3m1s-adelia @bird-shack @swevenne @romancingdaffodils @maarriiii @mcr-pr-fob @sixofshadowandbone @ella-fella-bo-bella @ezzylikesdabee (if you want to be added all you gotta do is ask lovelies!)

#lilly writes #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot imagine #dsmp wilbur #wilbur x reader #wilbur dream smp #wilbur mcyt #wilbur x y/n #wilburfromlvjy

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royalsunshinehotel · 7 months

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may i request nsfw alphabet with napoleon usher?

Napoleon 'Leo' Usher (NSFW Alphabet, 18+)

A/N: I’m writing this after watching Episode Four with @hecuba-of-troy. It’s such a slay, and I love Rahul Kohli so much. This being said, Leo is the worst and I hate him, and I want him. Please enjoy this NSFW alphabet for the worst character ever.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) It’s minimal, if not nonexistent. Leo, after coming in to the Usher family at age 18, was certified at the ‘fuck-and-run’

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I don't think he likes to look close enough at his partners to have a favorite body part. For him, he likes his hands and his hair

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) He hasn’t got a preference beyond: as much as possible, and everywhere. Cleaning up after is usually a multi-step process.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) There was definitely a time in his life when he had a spreadsheet of everyone he’d done sexual activities with. Yes, it is now deleted because he’s become more confident in himself in his thirties. Is it always warranted? Who’s to say. Is the spreadsheet now deleted? Yeah, and he’ll deny it ever existed.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Oh he’s a certified slut. He knows what he needs to do to ‘maintain his reputation’, and he’s probably going to do it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He’s a big fan of his partners either being on top, or being on all fours. He’s pretty tall, so whatever’s best for his upper back that day is usually what makes the choice.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) I think he tries to keep it minimal, because goofiness can lead to Intimacy and he can't have that. If he cracks a joke, you’ll laugh and then what !!! chaos (See I)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) I seriously think it matches his fuck ass haircut. Like short on the sides long on the middle. I don’t know hair growth patterns down there, but you get the idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) I feel like he’s capable of it, but he’ll have to dump you immediately after. It’s something he actively has to tamp down in the name of getting off.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) A whole lot. 3x daily I fear.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) There's no way he’s having a fucking ass stupid ass haircut like that if you’re not the one pulling on it. Fucking fuck ass shaved sides fuckboy. Like I don’t know what that style is called, but it’s right there next to ‘fuck ass bob’.

Next after that, I think he’s really into lite bondage. Just being tied up and used by you, which you’re happy to do.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) Typically at home, but if it’s been a to of family drama, he’ll fuck you in his car on the way to/from the family event. Next after that, the two of you get nasty in the shower, and then the bedroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) A gust of air? Typically I feel like Leo gets a little bit stuck in his own head, typically in a negative train of thought. That usually does it, but he’ll never let it on. He’ll literally use you to feel Anything, but not That much. Sorry!! He needs therapy!!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) I feel like choking/ anything to do with pain really, it’s off the table. If there’s one thing about Leo, he would never hurt you on purpose.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Receiving. I’m not gonna say any more than that.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) It depends on the mood honestly, fast and rough if he’s had a hard time with his family, but it’s slow and sensual and lazy most other times.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) IDK why I feel this way, but I don’t think Leo is very into quickies, just because he doesn’t strike me as a man who is good at multitasking. Like if a partner were to initiate sex, it would suddenly be sex-time for sex havers. Whatever he was doing before, would have to be put on hold.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Oh he’s all about it, anything to feel something. I see a lot of fucking on his balcony, perhaps in the bathroom at a cool restaurant.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) I think he’s been blessed with a whole lot of stamina, almost alarmingly so. Just picture his partner, exhausted, and Leo just cheesing like :D need a break?

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) I think he’s got a substantial collection, because he’s a lazy lover and if he can’t pawn the work off on his partner, he’ll pawn it off on a toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) I think it’s up to his partners to tease. Leo is a bit of a glutton, so I can’t see him knowing how to tease, or tease well.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) I know this man’s loud as hell. In canon, he’s a slut who hooks up with his instagram followers. I truly believe he doesn’t care who hears ever, and he’s probably smug and selfish, regardless of his minimal effort.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) I feel like Leo has his hair like that by mistake. It looks kind of like a mistake, like he went on a bender, and woke up with his hair like that. This being the case, he’s big into wearing hats in the winter, because the sides of his head like that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) He’s a stallion, in his fucking prime. Thank you, god bless.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) As we see on the show, it’s pretty darn high. The two of you are definitely NOT monogamous because I’m betting this man drowns his low self-esteem with a high sex drive. He picks up anything that moves and has sex with it. He’s very much the type to say “i don’t know” when you ask about people in his apartment.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

I think regardless of him being on his “best behavior” he knocks out almost immediately after. He’s very much the type to just roll over and fall asleep, for better or worse.

#napoleon usher #leo usher #rahul kohli #rahul kohli smut #the fall of the house of usher #tfothou #fuck ass stupid ass fucker #we see there's room in his heart for love #but he doesn't get a chance to explore it and learn about it

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lonewolflink · 4 months

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TO-DO LIST

- keep asking about 2yeon

the fluffy blonde hair was. wooh boy. on one hand. little mushroom. on the other hand. hi hello hiiiii jeongyeon. fancy mv chaeyoung is SO. the fact that she pulled that outfit off amazes me daily. though i have to say i think black hair chae may be my favorite

michaeng, dahmo and 2yeon are some of the big ones, yeah! some people consider them outdated but they’re just haters. the sana…..ooooooooh im giggling i love her so so so much. heart pounding thinking abt chapter 3. if sana and jihyo interact then idk ill probably explode into a million pieces

the sketches are sketching so 🫡🫡 1-7 days depending on how busy school keeps me, probably.

also the planning documents r so funny. its very nice to see someone else be an insane planner bc i have like. room layouts and maps for my fics. i have personalities for characters who will never appear. i have the ikea furniture page open so i can make sure that the furniture im describing matches the realistic budget they would have. it never ends and that is why it takes me 5000 years to write anything, so i think its deeply impressive that you’ve got actual things happening!!! like wow!!!! the hyperfixation note is also so true, sometimes they really just. grab you by the throat and go “Now. The Thing. You Must.”

-wsc’s #1 fan (official title) hambbyong

(sidenote, i genuinely thought ddeongies and snowddeong were the same person for like. the entire time ive been in the itzy fandom. just now realized they weren’t. crazy.)

ok first of all i have to say thank you again for your chaeryeong wsc art i literally can't stop looking at it and i'm obsessed with it i love it sm

(do keep asking about 2yeon, i'll do it eventually. i've possibly even already committed to it emotionally...)

fluffy blonde jeongyeon bro i. god. we're not getting into chae bc i don't think i can handle it emotionally so we're just gonna end this topic with these photos

i think you will enjoy all the twice moments i have planned for wsc...every member is going to get some real screen time and pretty awesome moments on and off the ice :)

(one of my personal favorites is a small but awesome dahyun moment that comes during act 2, it's not like super plot heavy or anything but i love it so much because of how it marries something very particular to actual dahyun with something incredibly niche even within hockey that i personally love)

"i genuinely thought ddeongies and snowddeong were the same person for like. the entire time ive been in the itzy fandom" i love this so much and will leave it here for them to take joy in themselves ahahaha

#hambbyong ask #asks #:D #hockey au #wheel snipe celly

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kariachi · 2 years

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Guess who took the afternoon to write some fic set in Incarcecon.

Kwarrel would like to be paid restitution for the crime of somebody else not having had The Talk with his young mentee.

“-and they’re still just-” Fist half clenched, Kwarrel turned his attention from the ceiling to look Kevin over again. This was the fifth time since he’d managed to get back to his actual shape- though with how little control he’d had before he got stuck he wasn’t hopeful about keeping it very long- and by this point Kevin’d begun getting used to it. There were only so many times you could get huffy about being called ‘little’. “Have you even started puberty yet?!” Kevin face twisted, head tilting to the side.

“Maaaybe? What is it?” Kwarrel was silent for a very long moment, jaw tightening. The quiet almost lasted long enough for Kevin to begin getting defensive, only for Kwarrel to hold up a hand and climb to his feet.

“One minute.” People moved respectfully aside as he walked to the far wall, slipping behind some exercise equipment.

Everyone, presumably in the building, from the guards down jumped as a sound that could only be described as ‘if triceratops could roar’ echoed off the walls and ceiling.

Everyone watched wide eyed as he walked back out as if nothing had happened. Returning to Kevin’s side, he dropped back into his seat, heaved a sigh, and stared at the ceiling again. All the prisoners who had already been giving them space gave them more.

“I was never supposed to have to do this… Alright,�� he sighed again, turning to Kevin. “Puberty is…” Another sigh and a slightly pained look. “Once people hit a certain age range, which is different for every species, they begin to experience… changes, as they go from a child to an adult.” With a look of confusion and wary curiosity, Kevin watched as a look crossed the faces of the people who hadn't been keeping their distance and to a one they practically vanished in clouds of smoke.

“Okaaay…” he said. “What sorta changes?”

“Well, that depends…” Kwarrel didn’t meet his eyes, what was left of his tail twitching. “It’s different for every species, and for the sexes within those species... Do humans have a boy/girl divide?” Kevin tensed, eyes narrowing as he slowly nodded.

“Yeah...”

“Okay.” Kwarrel nodded back. “Well, if there are any differences between the two as adults, they’ll start showing up in puberty. For instance, I started building more muscle while my sisters built up more fat.” Tenser now, Kevin huddled in on himself a bit, turning the information over in his head and fiddling with the hem of his pants.

“What if,” he said slowly, “somebody was one, but everyone thought they were the other?” For a long moment Kwarrel looked at him curiously before a similar look to the others’ crossed his face and he glanced aside like someone may come to save him.

Nobody came to save him.

Expression softening, he settled a hand on Kevin’s shoulder.

“Well,” he said carefully, “the changes would… They depend on the person’s body. Somebody born with a girl’s parts will go through the girl changes, whether or not they are one.” Expression shifting to a full on glare, Kevin straightened up and scowled.

“That’s not fair!” Kwarrel patted his shoulder and pulled him up by his side as his glare subsided into a watery huff.

“Sorry kiddo. Your body doesn’t care about what’s fair, it just cares about making you an adult so you can make babies someday.” If anything his expression got worse.

“And what if I don’t want babies, huh?!”

“It’s still going to make sure you’re physically ready to.” Going quiet for a moment, Kwarrel looked up at the ceiling again and heaved another pained sigh. “In for a bite, in for the barrel… I’m going to take a wild guess and say nobody’s told you how babies happen?” Kevin shook his head no and he nodded slowly.

“Alright,” Kwarrel said, resettling himself, sitting up straight, “I don’t know near enough about your species to be specific, so I’m going to speak in general terms and hope I can remember enough from when I learned all this to make sense... So, most species start off as eggs-” he held up a hand to keep Kevin from interrupting. “-I’ll get there I promise- and in those with multiple sexes there’s normally one or more that are specialized to make them. The other sexes are typically, but not always, specialized-” Pausing, he looked up at the ceiling again. Kevin took the time to pull his legs up and wrap his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees.

“They’re typically specialized to make sperm, which are used to fertilize the eggs so they can grow into babies. In some species these eggs gain a shell once they’re fertilized, in some they have one beforehand, and in some they never grow one. Whichever way, the original egg divides and grows over and over-”

“Like cells?”

“Yes! Exactly like that!” For a brief instance Kwarrel looked relieved. “They essentially are cells, both the egg and sperm are very very small. The sperm fertilizes the egg, and then the egg divides and grows until eventually it has all the parts it needs in the right sizes to be a baby.” He relaxed as Kevin nodded along, even as a curious look crossed his face.

“Okay,” he said, “but babies grow inside their mom, so how does the sperm even get in there?” Kwarrel’s mouth opened, then closed with a pained expression as he looked to the side in another bid for rescue.

Rescue again failed to come.

“Well… It varies between species,” he said, “but with what you’re describing it’s most likely that the person making sperm and the person making babies had sexual intercourse-” Kevin perked a bit.

“Okay, I thought it might be that, figured I’d ask.” Kwarrel cautiously raised a brow.

“Right… And what precisely do you know about it?”

“Found a magazine of Dad’s with people having sex once, got in trouble, and I’ve come across people doing it a couple times,” Kevin answered, fidgeting a little and shrugging. “It was weird and I felt uncomfortable watching so, tried not to stick around.” Something unreadable crossed Kwarrel’s face, just for an instant.

“One minute.” He stood back up, went back to the exercise equipment, roared again, and returned.

“It was the right move, not staying to watch,” he said as he settled back in. “That is very much not for children to have anything to do with, and if anybody tries to tell you otherwise you tell me and I’ll set them straight. Even when you start puberty it’ll be a long time before you’re ready for that sort’ve thing.”

“Don’t worry,” Kevin said with a snort, “I’m not exactly looking for babies.” For a moment Kwarrel said nothing, then sighed again. Was that sort’ve day.

“Sex isn’t only making babies,” he explained with some reluctance, “it can refer to pretty much anything involving the related parts and another person. A lot of types don’t risk making babies at all and even the ones that do there’s often ways you can make it unlikely. A lot of people do it just for fun.” Again, he cut Kevin off before he could interrupt. “And you still shouldn’t be having it for a long time. In fact, four years after you start puberty, we’ll sit down and I’ll tell you everything you need to know about all that, up to and including how to have sex safely. But until then I don’t want you having anything to do with any baby-making parts that aren’t your own. Understood?” Slowly, Kevin nodded.

“Understood.” He fidgeted a bit. “You said ‘safely’- it didn’t look dangerous…” Kwarrel’s hand settled back on his shoulder, his expression soft again.

“There’s some diseases you can get through having sex with someone who has them, and especially when you’re dealing with other species they can be very nasty. Hence, staying safe.” He scowled at the walls. “Or at least as safe as you can be.”

“Okay, that makes sense,” Kevin replied, visibly concerned but, well, it wasn’t like he had any plans. The whole thing, from what he’d seen, just seemed weird and unpleasant. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Kwarrel squeeze his shoulder gently, then visibly considered something. “One more thing though.” He moved to kneel on the ground, where they could be closer to eye-to-eye. “I won’t be upset if you have sex early. I’d really rather you didn’t, but I won’t be angry, I won’t stop caring about you, you won’t be punished. All I ask is that you’re honest with me about it and that you make sure, if you do, that everyone involved wants to be involved, openly and happily. That’s one of the most important things you can do, as a person, is make sure that everyone you have sex with, touch in private areas, even hug, has happily agreed to you doing so.”

“Even hugging,” Kevin asked with a curious look. Kwarrel nodded, expression serious.

“Even hugging. And if anyone hugs you or anything similar without your agreement and doesn’t listen or tries to make you feel bad when you tell them to stop? Tell me. And if anybody touches you anywhere private, or tries to convince you to have sex with them, or anything like that, you tell me about that too. It can be hard to deal with, even for adults, but I’m here to help you. Do you understand?” Still looking kind of confused, Kevin considered it for a moment before nodding.

“I think so. So just, tell you stuff?”

“Tell me all the stuff,” Kwarrel said with a smile, and pulled him in for a quick hug. “I just want you to be safe.” Kevin flashed a smile of his own.

“I know,” he said, surprised that he actually meant it, and then slipped into a small frown as a through crossed his mind. “You know, sex really doesn’t sound like it’d be worth all the trouble.” Kwarrel just snorted a laugh and ruffled his hair.

“I’ll be honest with you, kid- sometimes? It’s really not.”

#fanfic #things kwarrel signed up for- prison time; violence; complete estrangement from his family #things kwarrel didn't sign up for- explaining reproduction and puberty to a small trans alien in the middle of a prison

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tarnishedxknight · 28 days

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Listen, I know absolutely nothing about FFXII, I’m just here because I like to write with you. But if you think a sky pirate verse fits the Guardians, maybe I can try to work on a verse, since you say it would be so much fun. I can take them out of the MCU, even though… I’m not sure how I would explain their backstories?? But yeah a crossover verse where they end up in the FFXII world could be possible. Maybe they can still be from the MCU but accidentally end up in another universe… Eh, if you’d like to explore it, I can try! Just be warned that I might mess some things up since I’m not familiar with the game 😅

__________

{out of dalmasca} Oh, you don’t have to make a FFXII verse if you don’t want to, it was just a brain fart of mine! I mean, not that I wouldn’t 100% be up for it if you did want to, but don’t feel you have to. You’re right, it might be kindof hard to do if you’re not familiar with the game, but… MCU characters have ended up in Ivalice through multiversal shenanigans before on this blog, so… I’m sure it’d be easy to just transplant them for a while and see what happens?

Lol, with the racial diversity in Rabanastre, they could go through some weird wormhole or somehow get magically yeeted there, think it’s just some random strange planet, dock to refuel, and people wouldn’t even bat an eye. They’d just be like wow you’re not from around here, but otherwise they wouldn’t care a bit. Of course, the Guardians’ ship is probably using technology they’ve never seen before, so that’ll raise an eyebrow or two, but otherwise they’d just be like any other travelers stopping there for food, supplies, business, or anything else.

Or they could show up at any other point in the plot, in any place, really. The beauty of multiversal happenings is that they can literally end up anywhere, heh. Depending on whether you want lots of conflict or just a slice of life sandbox experience, I could help you pick a time and place. But yeah, it might be easier for you if you can keep all their backgrounds, but I’m sure as soon as they realize they’re in another time/world, they’d just want to go back to their own time, heh.

Well, if you ever did want to try something like this, I can always answer any questions you may have about the game if you need help in setting things up or deciding what to you with the Guardians. Pick my brain, I don’t mind. =) I just feel like in certain parts of Ivalice they’d fit right in, and Mantis would probably find everything so interesting… assuming she wasn’t too worried about getting back to her own time. Or they could be yeeted into some really tense point of conflict and help the canon characters in some way. Or maybe they showed up somewhere less hospitable and got themselves captured, either in Nalbina or in Archadia maybe, and they escape with the canon characters. The possibilities are endless, but again, don’t feel like you have to. Not all AUs quite work out in practice, even if they sound really fun. XD

Also… MANTIS WHAT EVEN IS THAT FACE, HAHA! It made me think of this gif. Mantis trying to be mean has the probably unintended effect of making me smile. When soft beans attempt to be mean, haha. Cinnamon roll who can actually kill you, but doesn’t know how to look like it. XD

#{ out of dalmasca } ᵒᵒᶜ

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dreamdreamdreamwheniloveyou · 1 year

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Angelika

honeydelasoul

A little after Covid I stopped and then I just continued that way when we got together. I don’t have a desire to work. I really never had but there were some points I had to do it out of necessity, even then I didn’t stay long cause it stressed me out a lot. I don’t giving my time to a company I don’t really care about, especially if I’m on my cycle or if I’m in a creative mode. I start thinking “there’s so much more I could be doing besides this”. And if do any thing work related, it’ll be volunteering or charity/church related but that’s about it. And Brian prefers to be the workaholic and me to be at home so it works.

I feel the same. It’s more about my freedom and my time. And I’ve been criticized a lot for not working but I’ve explained to people that I like creating things on own my time for my pleasure. I don’t have to monetize everything and I don’t have a desire too. What I create gives me fulfillment, not the money that I get from doing something I don’t care about doing. Even if I get money from my creations that’s nice but it’s not WHY I do it, and it’s not dependent on if I create or not. Women can have other ways of working. And it’s not that we lack ambition or a career mind but we’re more focused on the present and how we can use our gifts that way. But this whole society is geared around output and your value is dependent on that output. But some people just don’t vibe with that and they’ll always be looked at as throwing their talents or potential away, all the while they’re just using their talents and time in a different way

And exactly about not being able to walk away from the career or project. It’s a lot of commitment and I have to really really care about it in order to commit to it, but with some company, I don’t. I just don’t care. I don’t care about the deadlines, or the ceos or the strangers I work with. They don’t know me and I don’t know them. I really couldn’t care less if the project gets completed or not. If I’m gonna commit to anything, it’s gonna be something I deeply care for. That’s why I focuson home and family. That’s something I see a deep return on whenever I put my time and effort into it. That’s worth it to me. A career led by some manager I barely know and ceo I’ll never meet doesn’t appeal to me.

I try to explain this in a short way to people but they don’t seem to get it. If I explain it deeper, then some people get it. Especially women. They’ll start evaluating their priorities. But at face value they don’t understand and think I’m crazy.

Someone told me I had a fear of success but I thought about it and felt that I have a fear of my success being short lived and underappreciated. That’s why I’d rather spend my time with my family, knowing the return is greater, way more long term, and my efforts are more appreciated

But what, success = a plaque? A certificate? A promotion with more responsibilities I don’t care about? Please 🙄😒

Men tend to value that stuff way differently. I think we thrive in just BEING as women and men thrive in DOING.

And our being centers around innate gifts we have. Creating that naturally comes from the heart. Cooking, loving, painting, writing, healing, etc.

But men do to terraform the environment. They find value in each other through usefulness. If a man does nothing at all or can’t do anything, especially at work, he’s looked at as useless or lacking competence by other men.

Yeah I feel you, just tap into it! Start creating, making something. Painting, filming, cooking, writing, dancing, making jewelry, arts and crafts, anything; the more you do it,, the more you’ll be inspired. You just have to start.

It’s like finding your inspiration, meditating on it, and letting it lead you down new avenues.

Your mother wound may be great but maybe her ideas about what success is and how to see your value influenced you. The masculine lens she may have looked through definitely isn’t something you have to follow after. He might be missing that and doesn’t seem to grasp it as a masculine himself. Maybe if he understood it, approaching you as someone who desires to be a healthier feminine, he’d understand your objectives more

Lol I think it’s cause I reach your feminine mind. It’s inside you naturally just a bit tangled like string. You only need help untangling it. Now if I was fully masculine minded myself I’d be like “yeah find a job what are you doing with your life, you need to work!” But I understand you cause I’m in my feminine. This society is so masculine oriented and if you’re not “doing” anything you’re nothing but that’s not true. There’s way more pathways to cultivate your gifts and our inner value had nothing to do with that sort of output

I bet you’d find way more personal fulfillment working on your creative hobbies like filming or something artistic, while volunteering at a food bank or an homeless or animal shelter on the side. You’d go home feeling wayyy more personally fulfilled than just working a job and having a career. I’d bet money on it.

You don’t have to change anything as long as your intentions and authenticity is good and comes from the heart

Do not people please. You’ll be screaming inside cause the real you always wants to come out

I can see the lens he’s looking through, but he has to see that your desires are coming from another lens. Maybe just tell him your goals around femininity and family and share a different perspective around what fulfillment is to you and see what he says

Oh wow absolutely not. You’ve made it when you’re fully satisfied with your creation. When you can look at it and smile and be proud.

honeydelasoul

Sometimes I make collages and paint whenever I get the urge, and I made one just a few months ago and I can’t tell you how proud I was. I was smiling for hours cause looking at the previous ones, I can tell how much I progressed and how better I got. And the theme made me so proud cause I was really falling in love with pink at the time

It’s the little things. You have to be proud of what you create and do! People told me you should sell this or do this for a living and I was like “you’re missing the point” lol

bibiamor

Also true

honeydelasoul

Your film, when you watch it back, you should be proud of it. Especially if you know you’ve put time and effort into it. Put your best foot forward and make yourself your greatest competitor

Do it cause you love it. Not cause other people will love it. How much you love it and your passion around anything, will make people fall for you.

I don’t think so! Do it! You love it. It doesn’t have to be put out to Cannes. I think if you start thinking about that, you put an expectation of perfection that you’ll never feel you can meet. Everything will be judged according to that expectation and if you don’t meet it, you’ll feel disappointment with yourself

bibiamor

It feels as if this imaginary career I have in my head of being in film is like a train I never can decide I want to get on bc I fear it would limit my freedom etc etc. But also that if I don’t jump on that train that whatever I make has less value if it doesn’t reach film festival accolades level of success etc

honeydelasoul

You should able to be see growth though. Your last project should be better than your first. As long as you can see progress keep going.

I would start small if I were you. Have a crew of you and some friends. Make those short films and then work on all the ways you can make them better, and then keep going from there. Friends will call more friends to help you the more you stay passionate about it

honeydelasoul

I believe God opens more doors for you the more you demonstrate how your heart is passionate about it. Whether it be a new camera, new locations to film in, more people to work with you, more equipment.

Don’t worry about Cannes. Set your sights on your own path, and if Cannes is meant to be, it’ll happen. But keep perfection out of everything. Make it so it pleases you. That’s perfection.

bibiamor

💗

What about money

what if you want more

honeydelasoul

Ask! God will make a way. Before I was with Brian I wasn’t working either and had no income, but I knew that if I needed money, I would get it someway somehow and I stayed steadfast on that. I didn’t worry about it or chase it. I knew it would come to me. Just believe and it will. Trust me.

honeydelasoul

You never have to chase anything you need or desire. Stay in the energy of receiving and not even worrying and it’ll come. Mentally think, “yeah I’ll get it”, put it out of your mind, and that’s that. You’re already in the state of having it and it’ll be attracted to you.

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tmisaccidentreportbook · 2 years

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MAG030, Killing Floor

Case #0130111, David Laylow Release date: August 3rd, 2016 First listen: 5th November, on the walk home. I remember walking past the Rushy Lake wall as the statement was starting.

In which I sat down to start writing, pulled up the episode, saw the title, and walked away to go make dinner early… I’m also going over my messages with dodgylogic at the time of the first listen and this one is in her Top 3 episodes.

- So I’ve done a little looking and I was somewhat shocked to see that Dalston is actually in London. Now, disclaimer, country bumpkin here, but it’s within the A406 ring road so as far as I’m concerned, it’s London. And the fact that I’m shocked, is exactly what I think this statement is going for; the fact that this sort of work is going on so close to major populations. Ok, now, I’m probably going to fumble this, but I don’t think it had computed in my brain, I’ve just always envisioned abattoirs out in the countryside, close to farms and with plenty of room. Or alternatively, the whole process handled by a butcher, because, yes, I grew up in a the sort of village you’d expect to see on the front of a biscuit tin and we have a traditional family butchers. They did damn good work during the pandemic, chased out folks who’d driven in to buy up their stock when they have an ageing an immobile population that depend on them. Taylor's Family Butchers, big respect. Anyway, I’m examining this now because historically, yeah, the animals would be driven into town to be butchered and processed in the community they were going to be sold. Makes sense. So I think it may be quiet telling that my brain had just glossed the concept over. Bit embarrassing and stupid really, my university town had an abattoir site until it was torn down in 2014. I think it’s a Premier Inn now.

- ‘I won’t say which one.’ I get that fear. There’s been so much I want to write about, about my work. Exciting things, entertaining things, things that need to be muttered into the ears of law makers with all the threat of King Claudius’ poison. But I haven’t and when I do, I keep it vague, although the discerning could probably work it out. Because my employer hasn’t the clearest guide lines on social media use and such and it became a whole lot easier just to not. Which made it all the more galling when the social media teams did put up stuff and got it wrong. It’s not like they had the experts to ask a few offices away, or failing that, the internet to ask, but I will leave that rant for the foot soldiers being kept from saying their piece for another time. But yeah, saw folk higher up the chain posting whatever they want and I was there in the knowledge if I put anything up, it would come down on me like a tonne of bricks, so forget it. Also, my industry is pretty niche and fairly incestuous, and I’ve seen stuff come round to bite folks in the arse.

- ‘I never did (get a weird vibe)… Maybe that says something about me, though.’ I work with animals. Have done for near a decade now. And people always ask me how I take the deaths, because there are a lot of them. I’m not sure if I’ve hardened or if my mentality of ‘Every day is a knife fight with God’ has solidified, but in most cases, it elicits a sigh and a small swear before I start the process of preparing for our vets to perform a post mortem. Not often does an animal’s death impact me to the point I where I grieve, it has happened, but not often. These aren’t pets of mine, they’re more like strange little work colleagues, that have a natural life expectancy much shorter than my own.

- ‘…every damn animal in that place knew exactly why they were there.’ I can believe. It doesn’t matter how well it’s cleaned, but cattle alarm pheromones will stick around and induce fear and stress to other cows. You spook one, you spook the herd. And the herd that comes after that. And the one after that. That’s before we even talk about the stress of a new environment, noise, travel etc.

- Hearing David talk about the ‘casual human brutality’ is difficult. Really difficult. Because you know it happens, not just the abuse itself, but the fact that the observer can become so numb to it. Can disassociate what is happening given time and practise. I’m thankful to say I’ve never witness what I’d consider ‘human brutality’ to animals, but I have seen ‘unnecessary carelessness’ which has often had me gritting my teeth and saying something. It’s typically down to a difference in husbandry practises. And I try and be civil. And if I couldn’t be civil I’d go get our vet, who is a woman who takes exactly zero shit and has no problem telling the collection manager exactly where he can stick it if he refuses to wear gloves despite me asking him, twice.

- ‘… just noisy meat.’ prolonged pained conflicted noises

- ‘…you start to kind of see people as meat too.’ I wonder if that’s the case in other professions too. Probably not to such a severe level of disassociation maybe, but do morticians look at people and measure them for a coffin? Do forensic pathologists try and see what would be cited as the cause of death? Do surgeons think about how much pressure they’d need to apply for the first incision?

- ‘…it’s hard to believe in any special spark that makes us humans any different.’ Mood. The only thing that makes us special is that we figured out agriculture and domestication of other species. All goes down hill from there.

- ‘…we could turn into a lifeless carcass just as easily.’ The human body is so fucking ridiculous. I am saying this as someone with a first aid level of medical training, I am very much a layman here, but the fact that we can lose limbs, multiple limbs, and pull through is incredible and wild. But you roll over funny and you can say good bye to walking or you hit you head just wrong and it’s lights out. Humans are so squishy. We make no sense.

- ‘I only worked it for a few months, and now I can’t work on any killing floor anywhere.’ Very sensible, good working practise and all, but this is a terrible jump for my brain to make and I can’t decide if it’s terribly disrespectful or poignant or both, but I recently learnt about the Sonderkommandos that worked the crematoria of Nazi death camps and how teams were liquidated at random intervals and… yeah.

- Yeah, I need a mug of tea now.

- ‘Of the people who’d worked the killing floor for over ten years, do you know what percentage went on to commit murder? One hundred percent.’ I’d like a citation of this study please. I would like to read it. But I’ve also done a quick search of more recent studies, and I realise that it’s too long since I’ve needed to read any scientific paper with anything more than surface level understanding. And while study David references would have been carried out in the 50s, there are still concerns to this day. A 2021 study, drawing data from U.S., Australia, South Africa, Turkey, Brazil, Denmark, and Ireland, found that there is a higher prevalence rate of mental health issues, depression and anxiety in particular, those affected tended to employ a variety of both adaptive and maladaptive strategies to cope, and there is some evidence that slaughterhouse work is associated with increased crime levels. Worrying, as the U.K. slaughterhouse industry has a 70% migrant workforce, people already vulnerable.

- ‘They call it “stunning”, but that’s never sat quite right with me.’ Yeah, that’s… that’s just lobotomising. more concerned distressed noises

- ‘The Bleed Crew’ is at once a horrifying concept and a baller band name.

- Tom Haan. Interesting, complicated one. The fact that he is from China and doesn’t appear to speak much English is a good representation of how the U.K.’s slaughterhouse industry relies on an immigrant work force who may otherwise be short on options for employment and are, unfortunately, easy to take advantage of. On the other hand… yikes. I have ague memories of this being discussed and Jonny unintentionally feeding back into some unfortunate stereotypes. I don’t know what prompted him to make Tom Haan Chinese, whether it was an honest desire to have more cultural variation in his characters, but he accidentality walked face first into the wall of racist stereotypes.

- ‘…but in practice no-one asks to be moved (from the killing floor). It shows a weakness that most of the people working there aren’t comfortable with.’ Iiiiii’m gonna go out on a limb here and say ‘most of the people working there’ are under the influence of toxic masculinity and a protestant work ethic amongst other things.

- ‘My feelings weren’t really working back then.’ (Hears this.) Concerned noises. (Remembers my darker days of late 2020.) Concerned noises at half an octave higher.

- ‘… in perfect English, ‘You cannot stop slaughter by closing the door’.’ Sinister in many ways; the actual words, the supposedly hidden grasp of English, and also, ok he doesn’t specify the accent, but if it IS in perfect BBC English… look, we’re the bad guys in movies for a damn good reason. And considering the British Empire’s historical relationships with mainland Asia… yikes.

- I’ve done some jobs where I was able to just switch my brain onto idle and go through the motions. I would find it therapeutic, especially one volunteer role I had at a foodbank processing stock takes. And it was wonderful because it was like reverse retail therapy, I had some semblance of control over something for 2½hrs on a Monday morning because I put the cans where they went on the shelves, and the background was a lovely group of recent retirees and stay at home dads who were happy to be a listening ear to a twitchy early 30s lass who was just trying to get her bearings. The point is, it worked because that trance like state made me very receptive, and thankfully what I was receiving was good vibes, kind advice, and tea with slightly stale biscuits. David is receptive to a circle of hell in that state.

- ‘It was the silence that finally brought me back to myself.’ The troupe of ‘it’s quiet… too quiet.’ is one of the most unnerving ones for me. Especially when there’s meant to be animal noises about; livestock, bid song etc. Because they’ll know things before we ever could.

- ‘There was no clock in that room.’ Is that typical? Or safe? Or is this just for spooks?

- ‘I surprised myself a bit with how quickly I accepted this situation.’ Another example of someone accepting the situation and dealing and processing it. I wonder if there’s a part of the psyche that realises that realises that what’s being experienced is something eldritch and unknowable and so shuts down logic and reasoning and instead concentrates on survival.

- Ok, so we’ve got a labyrinthine complex, our lone hero, and we’ve had cows coming through… Theseus and the Minotaur anyone? Also, sidebar, did you know the Minotaur of legend actually had a name? Asterius or Asterion, meaning ‘child of stars’.

- ‘These rails would never normally follow the passages of the slaughterhouse like this, and that fact bothered me, though I’m not quite sure why.’ Some little animal part of the brain still screaming ‘WRONG, NOPE, BAD’. I’ll do that, I mean, you’ve seen how I try to make the timelines behave when it can so easily be explained with ‘eldritch fuckery’. But I think I remember getting real bogged down in the delicacies of the heart surgery in Iron Man 3 that the science of the Extremis procedure completely washed on by.

- ‘Meat-bone separators, splitting saws, scald tanks.’ Delightful names.

- ‘… I don’t know how long I wandered. It felt like hours, though.’ Wibbly wobbly ooky spooky timey wimey.

- ‘The sky was a dull pink – the colour of blood being washed into a drain.’ … Yikes.

- ‘… and I began to cry. It was like something numb within me had shattered, and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.’ I think it’s clear that David had been struggling with his mental well being before the incident took place, struggling and aware as he asked to be removed from the killing floor team. But this emotional and mental self awareness is refreshing in these statements. Especially from a man in an industry as rife with toxic masculine ideals as this.

- ‘(The scent of blood) had a strange sort of comfort to it, as it was the smell of the slaughterhouse as I had known it.’ I think the underlying horror of this other place, this abattoir in waiting is exactly that, it’s waiting. The threat is there and it hasn’t been actioned yet, it’s just waiting.

- ‘Pigs, cattle, sheep, I think I even saw a few humans in the pile, though without heads or limbs it’s hard to tell the difference between them and pigs.’ YUP. There a reason pig carcasses get used in forensic science to demonstrate the changes a cadaver goes through.

- ‘But (Tom Haan) didn’t make me fire it. I did that myself.’ Ooof, buddy.

- ‘I wish I felt bad about his death, but I don’t. I don’t feel anything at all.’ Good grief, please seek professional help.

- It got discussed in one of the Q&As that for an Avatar to… ascend shall we say, that a death was typically involved, or at least a metaphorical death. With some Avatars, the deaths have been of others; Peter Lukas’ with Jon becoming the Archivit, Jude Perry with her banking colleague, Agnes Montague with her own mother. Tom Haan’s death seems to be his own chrysalis, if this is indeed the point at which he ascended from agent to Avatar. Seems fitting, that it should be the case for The Flesh.

- I did a surface level google and couldn’t find an Aver Meats in Dalston, but there’s reason to believe that this London is not Our London, so I might leave it there. It might be Jonny has had to invent a business, it might be that if there is an abattoir in the area, they have a discreet web presence that I’m missing.

- ‘…which I would say are symptoms of PTSD, but he has strongly declined to seek treatment.’ Oh buddy, no, seek help. David was aware that he wasn’t well mentally and he’s emotional state was declining. If anything, he’s well on the way to the mental state that was so often referred to in the studies done on slaughterhouse work and crime.

- ‘… he had been renting a house in Clarence Road for almost a decade, and it was in quite a state of disrepair when he left.’ Between this and MAG018 The Flesh really seem to be murder on property, don’t they? Dread to think what the fridge looked like.

- ‘Immigration authorities are somewhat useless…. No official effort has been made to locate him, and the police were reluctant to open a new case, so we didn’t push it.’ Well… doesn’t that just make you feel fucking warm and fuzzy on the inside. Oh what? That’s rage? Oh no, yeah, that tracks.

- ‘… having trouble retaining builders, four of which have already quit.’ Interesting, considering it’s another male dominated field. I wonder if that was indeed Tom Haan’s ascension and the transformation has left a permanent scar on the site having it ‘already seemed to be way too big’.

- And I think there’s some very important discussion to be had about the industrialised meat industry. It has gotten monstrously big, and faceless, and removed, and wasteful. That image of carcasses just falling off conveyor belts and into a pit for presumably grinding up, is a terrible, wasteful image, of animal and human life and of the meat as a resource itself. I don’t know enough about butchery to know what sort of percentage of an animal goes to waste when processed for meat these days. I don’t know, I know small scale butchers will work differently but small scale and specialist butchers are harder to find and can be more expensive to buy from. I will buy local from suppliers I trust as best I can, but I’ve got the privilege of living in a market town in a rural area. And while I have the resources now, between working for a charity and the cost of living crisis, I’m having to think carefully, And I have the resources, a lot of folks may not. It grinds my gears how, like with fossil fuel burning and global warming, the ethical guilt of meat, egg and diary production is foisted onto the individual consumer who may have limited access and financial freedoms to chose, when really animal welfare and husbandry should be protected and held to a higher standard legislatively and support offered and research done properly. I know they try but I’ve heard some DEFRA horror stories and a few bad apples, whole barrel, you know the drill. Still not over the hell they put us through during the 2020 AI outbreak. Ok, I’m getting off the soap box, it’s gone midnight, I’m ranting with no receipts.

- I’ve done a little bit of butchering in my time. I’ve been part of keeper teams that’s tended tigers and lions. I’ve butchered what I think was horse meat, delivered in blue plastic barrels and thawed overnight. I’ve worn the butcher’s gauntlet, got 2 as curios on my bookcase Mum found at a car boot for me. I’ve plucked more quail and gutted more rats than I care to remember. But I’ve only ever had to kill a handful of animals, and that was always as humane euthanasia after veterinary training. Still fucking sucks.

#the magnus archives #MAG030 #The Flesh

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itchybutts22 · 2 years

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Here it finally is

I've had it in my mind for ages now to start an actual text blog/journal/thing. I'm hoping it will help clear my mind of some things and maybe help others feel like they're not the only ones struggling with life / existence. It may be a selfish human thing but a part of me also just wants to have my thoughts out there in the nether space. It doesn't really even need to be read by anyone. It existing is enough. I just always think about how when people don't express their thoughts (or write them down somewhere/somehow) if that person dies it's just - poof. A whole world just collapsed and disappeared and no one even knew it existed to begin with. But every person has hopes, dreams, desires, opinions, senses of humor, thoughts and musings about the world. Every single person is an entire world, interesting or not. If I suddenly die of whatever reason, I kind of selfishly don't want the world that I was to just disappear. I have so many thoughts in my head all the time. Writing them down is difficult because they come and go so quickly - often times abrubtly ending mid sentence and beginning another topic entirely in the middle of another. It's entirely overwhelming - like constantly carrying the world on your back. You try to ignore the weight, but the only reason you're hunched over and straining to begin with (unless maybe you're taking a poo) is because that weight is there. and you always know it - whether you're consciously thinking of it or not. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I got dealt shitty genes in general - mental illnesses run amok on both sides of the family, and my skin is aboslute shite. You can just look at it wrong and it'll break out in hives, eczema, zits, who knows what. I once had entire body hives for 24 hours and no idea why. (Also, since I'm in the US, that urgent care appointment cost me $500 to be told "oh, yeah, that's hives. Maybe go take some Benadryl.") So, it's a daily struggle. Some of the things I often stress over are how I'll never look as I would like to, I'll never be able to experience everything in the world that I would like to. Things to do with having children, existence in general, upset about medication dependence, lack of financial security, the absolute struggle to just function normally , the costs / burdens of health / dental care, the ugliness / sadness but also amazing complexity of the world, etc. etc. I mean, there's no shortage of topics. I'm hoping that maybe writing about these certain topics as they come into my head will maybe help me stop thinking about them as much. Hopefully I won't feel the need to constantly think about them if they're actually written down somewhere. Not sure if that's how it works, but we're gonna try! I just don't want to disappear without having done anything meaningful in my life. I struggle to create and keep relationships (other than my fiance and my cat, I suppose) but that doesn't mean I don't want them. I'd love to be exceptional, or to be something uniquely special in the world. I suppose I also selfishly would want to be recognized for it by many people. The hard part is, I generally don't start things because I don't know how to finish them, or I don't know that they will end well. What if I spend all this time on something, and in the end it fails? But the thing I need to constantly remind myself is that if you don't try, you are guaranteed to fail, but if you try, you could succeed. Usually I'm so afraid of failing that I don't even try. I think "well, if I didn't try it then that means I didn't fail it. That's better than having to admit I tried and wasted time only to fail anyway." I guess I just assume that I am much more likely to fail than to succeed. And why is trying but failing so much worse than having not done anything at all? I suppose if we never had tried and had an ending, we could imagine that maybe if we had tried, we could have succeeded, but we just chose not to. It's like leaving a schrodinger's ending. If you haven't tried it yet, you've succeeded and also failed at the same time. Nothing has been determined yet. It's easier to hold that in our minds than to admit failure. I imagine a lot of that has to do with upbringing. If you're raised in such a way that failure is the worst thing that can happen, you will automatically avoid it at all costs, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. But honestly, failure is so important for so many reasons. It teaches humility. We learn something from every failure so that every time we try afterwards, we are more likely to succeed (provided we don't do something so horrendously stupid the first time, we're posthumously given a Darwin Award). It's like that overused quote, supposedly from Thomas Edison, about how he didn't fail - he just succeeded in finding a bunch of ways to not make a lightbulb. I've had an absolute ton of ideas in my head for some lyrical posters or clothing designs. I mean to take the first few steps of creating them soon, hopefully. Much like this journal, the ideas have been in my head for ages, and often every day. I enjoy the ideas so much I'm afraid I can't do them justice if I try to solidify them. But I should try. I've also had some interesting things happen lately. For many years I had been taking 3x of 2 different pills every day. Each doctor that I've seen since moving to the east coast has been like "are you sure that's the right amount?? That's... kind of a lot" which also was news to me lol. but anyway, there were a bunch of complications with getting a doctor out here after having moved from the midwest without one (longer story), and so there were a few times, maybe 3, that I ended up having to go cold turkey off my meds, which had never happened since I had started them maybe... 10 years ago? and it was awful. Nearly totally debilitating after a few days. But in a way, it was important to find out what the symptoms were, because they were the same every time. An insane amount of sweating (at night, could go through like 4 changes of clothes. gross, I know), craving vinegary / salty foods, re-awakening a curiosity and interest in music and arts, extremely thirsty, slow / lagging reflexes and observations etc. oh, and the poops of course. Because no miserable symptoms experience doesn't include that. Anyway, I went down from 3 of each to 2 of each, sometime in the last few months. And I've been having these sort of "phases", where I recognize these very specific symptoms happening in bursts even when I have been taking my meds every day. It's like suddenly the world has some color again. Music and art is more beautiful. But, of course, then I feel everything in extreme as well - and that's the hard to live with part. Having such strong emotions constantly is exhausting. I also have no idea why these phases are happening or what it means. Also, the reemergence of my sexuality is insanely frustrating, mostly because I've recently discovered that Tom Ellis exists. And that is rough on my psyche. Anyway, I suppose only time will tell. It would be great to not feel chained to medication anymore. Don't get me wrong - when I started, I know that it saved my life. But to feel like my whole world and ability to function is tied to whether or not I can get my prescriptions - it's a pretty defeating feeling. And tapering down will be very slow. But I hope I can do it someday, sooner rather than later. I don't even know what my baseline is anymore, it's been so long since I haven't been on anything. So the first few of these will probably be pretty long, but taper off as I get more and more off my chest. I guess I'm done for now and hopefully will remember to keep this up. ciao

#depression #anxiety #medication #tomellis

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potatoes-is-are-food · 3 years

Note

Can I request some poly! Shigadabihawks x reader if you don’t mind. You have amazing writing and you have written some amazing poly! I don’t care if it’s sfw and/or nsfw, it’s totally up to you. I honestly kinda wanted to see how hawks and Shigaraki got along in a poly relationship and how they interacted with each other because I can imagine how Dabi and hawks get along or dabi and shigaraki but hawks and Shigaraki would have a odd relationship, y’know. Sorry if this is odd and you don’t know what I’m talking about and I just want you to know that I absolutely love your work. You’re the first person I check everyday when I get on tumblr. 😘

Awwwww!!! You are so sweet, thank you so much!!! Yeah this makes a lot of sense, for the demon au especially I’ve been trying to work on showing off the dynamic between Hawks and Shig. I hope headcanons are okay!

| SFW

- Before you enter the mix, Dabi is really the only holding them together. He started off dating Tomura (who still insists he barely even likes him, usually after they finish making out) and then later Kei joined in. You’re still not sure how it all came to be since you get a different answer depending on who you ask and what mood they’re in.

- Tomura is only a bit tsundere with Dabi and Kei, never you. With you he’s more openly clingy and would never deny how he feels. He wouldn’t say it, but he appreciates you being around whenever Dabi and Keigo make him feel like a third wheel. Keigo has some similar experiences, but he’s just genuinely not bothered whenever Dabi wants to go have some solo time with Tomura. Or you, for that matter. Just isn’t the jealous type.

- They like using you to fuck with each other. If you’re hanging out with Dabi there’s a good chance Keigo will come along and just flat out steal you. Just pick you up and walk off. Because he can. Dabi is fond of teasing Tomura about how much he likes you, despite clearly also liking you. Tomura’s go-to is usually also to steal you, however he likes to get you to come willingly so you’ll blow off whoever you were with to start.

- Keigo and Tomura get along best when teaming up to irritate Dabi. Whether it’s playing keep away with you, hiding his stuff, distracting him when he’s trying to brood and do Dabi stuff, they really enjoy the power of their combined effects on him.

- The three of them teaming up to irritate you is what really gets them cooperating. They’re all gremlins, they steal your clothes to force you into skirts with no panties, they move your stuff around so you have to ask them for help, and that’s without getting into how often they fight over you, although that’s not so much to annoy you.

- Dabi developed a little habit of calling you, Tomura, and Kei his sluts and now he does it no matter who’s around and it’s really embarrassing but he absolutely does not care.

- While most of the time it’s Dabi and you holding Tomura and Keigo together, it’s not uncommon to find just the two of them off by themselves bonding over a common interest or even occasionally making out.

- They each have their own rooms, but you don’t. You bounce between theirs and your stuff is always scattered around. Yes, it’s annoying. No, they won’t let you have your own room. The four of you typically end up sharing one bed anyway, although the room itself changes.

- They’re not shy about the relationship, so it’s fairly often you get teased (albeit lovingly) about having three boyfriends. Toga really likes trying to force you to pick a favorite.

- Everyone thinks it’s creepy. Everyone. But Kei started calling you their “little girl” and just never stopped.

- They don’t really do PDA between themselves aside from the odd hand holding or rare peck on the cheek, but when it comes to you all bets are off. You’re constantly perched in someone’s lap or holding a hand or having your clothes fixed by someone else. To everyone else it mostly looks like they toss you around.

- Sometimes they’ll take you on dates, switching between doing them one on one or with the whole group. It’s hard to get Tomura to go out, though, since he prefers stay at home dates. When he’s not feeling it you’ll usually end up in a blanket fort eating takeout all together.

- One time. one. time. some stranger muttered “slut” under his breath when he saw you walking along in public with them. Dabi charred his ass so fast the other two were pissed at him for not being able to get a hit in.

- Despite all of them being gremlins, they really love you and will 10/10 go out of their way to make sure you know that. Literally anything upsets you and the immediate response is “Tell me why you’re not happy and I will kill it.”

- Most of their more genuine affections are shown in little things they do. Keigo likes to get you guys things, especially snacks he knows you like since he can go in public freely. Dabi is constantly fixing your clothes and hair and making sure everyone’s comfortable. Tomura always touches you softly (outside of the bedroom), always brushing his fingers along your cheeks or resting his head on your shoulder, etc. He’s also the most likely to casually touch the others in public.

- When it’s cold everyone piles up on Dabi and he pretends he hates it, but you always catch him smiling when he thinks no one’s looking.

- Kei loves using his feathers to tease everyone, slipping them under clothes before you can stop them or making them flit around your face. It’s annoying but his laugh is so cute you can’t even be mad at him.

- Tomura’s face always lights up before he can stop it when one of you comes to play videogames with him. He’s really bad at hiding how excited and happy it makes him.

- Since you’re the only girl and they’re kind of sexist, they treat you a lot softer than they treat each other. Doesn’t matter how strong you are, they’ll always think you’re weaker and they need to protect you. It might not seem like it when they’re teasing the hell out of you or tying you up or spanking you, but they go way easier on you than they would on each other in the same situation.

- Literally any sign from you that you’re seriously upset or overwhelmed? Done. No more. Only soft affection and very mild teasing for the week.

| NSFW

- The first time Kei joined in while Dabi and Tomura were fucking, he didn’t even participate. He just watched like a fucking creep. Still does that occasionally.

- They all have relatively high drives and absolutely no shame between each other, so it’s pretty often you’re just casually getting fucked in one of their rooms while another sits on the couch beside you and watches TV. May or may not comment on it.

- Sometimes they’ll make bets about you. See who can get you to cum the fastest one week or try testing how long it takes for you to come to them when they don’t initiate it and which one you pick. How much cum they can stuff you with and plug up before it starts leaking out. And so on.

- It’s very different if it’s just one of them, or if it’s two and which two, etc.

- Dabi likes to manhandle you. He takes his time, makes you wait and beg and then just completely destroys you for hours on end. After, he sits back with a cigarette and lets you cling to him while he strokes you and tells you you did a good job. It pleases him when you’re so fucked out you can’t form full sentences, and he’ll tease you for it for days.

- Keigo is similar in that he likes to tease, but he’s also sadistic. He’ll make you cum on his tongue and fingers until you’re begging him to stop and then he’ll force at least two more orgasms out of you on his dick. Afterwards he watches you twitch and leak his spunk for a minute before giving you god-tier aftercare. Runs a bath, gets you some water, etc. Once you’re clean he encourages you to take a nap, but it’s usually an excuse for him to take a nap because he’s also worn out but trying to hide it.

- Tomura gets too excited to tease for very long, but that’s only directly before the sex. He’ll have his hand shoved in your panties just toying with you for hours while he absently scrolls on his phone. Sometimes he’ll have you get yourself ready where he can see, only to completely ignore you until you let him know he can start. Once he’s going, though, he’s done with all that. He’s drooling, panting, flushed, pounding you into next week. He alternates between kissing you and spitting in your mouth because he’s too wound up to just pick a mood most of the time.

- That’s not to say you don’t have lots of times where it’s intimate and loving, but that’s not really the usual.

- The Dabi/Tomura combination is the more nasty of the three. Kei isn’t opposed to doing stuff to make you squirm when he’s in the mood but Dabi and Tomura l i v e for that shit. They’re almost nightmarish together, 100% okay with piss, impact play, period stuff, all things anal, etc. Of course you’re their girlfriend and they love you so they’re not about to do something that has you screaming or crying for real, but if you’re at least mostly okay with it and they’re confident it’s not breaking you, they’ll do pretty much anything. Anything to get you teary-eyed, begging them to stop, etc. as long as you’re not saying the safeword. For aftercare they’re very gentle and soft as they clean you up and put you to bed. Doesn’t matter what time of day it happened, they’re putting you in bed and snuggling you until you get at least an hour of sleep. When you wake up they’ll get you something to eat and make sure they didn’t hurt you beyond the usual cuts, bruises, and assorted mild scorching.

- Dabi and Kei usually go for more of a good cop/bad cop sort of arrangement. Doesn’t seem so bad until you figure out they switch the roles without any indication of having done that. It’s like they have a sixth sense for it or something. You’ll be crying and clinging to Keigo since he’s been nice so far only for him to bend you over his knee and spank you raw for it; meanwhile Dabi has gone from smacking you around and spewing filth to cooing and stroking your face. Their aftercare is mostly praise, they’ll tell you you did well and make sure you’re okay mentally since some of the stuff they say can get pretty intense. They’ll get you cleaned up and make sure you eat and drink water, and they’ll cuddle as long as you want and won’t go anywhere even if you fall asleep.

- Tomura and Keigo are the most interesting mix. It’s not often that it happens, but when it does they work surprisingly well together. Their different types of degeneracy and patience seem to blur together into a lethal combination that’ll have you getting whiplash from how they toss you back and forth. They’re not usually both participating at the same time; someone has to hold the camera, after all. Aftercare usually consists of a shower, snacks, and either you napping on their laps while they game together or joining in if they didn’t rock your shit too hard. On days when they’ve done this, you’ll notice the two of them interacting more and occasionally taking some time to be alone together…

- When it’s all of them you’re fucking in for it. Depending on the mood it can vary wildly, but for the most part it’s just a complete mass of writhing limbs and moans. You’re tired ten minutes in, more of the focus is on you than anything, you’re forced to cum over and over again, they each cum in or on you at least twice, and when it’s all said and done you’re covered in sweat, cum, possibly blood, and three sweaty, spent bodies. Usually after they have to peel your limp, half-conscious body off the bed and carry you to the bath. They’ll take great care of you, not that you’ll really remember it in your sorry state, and when you wake up the next day they’re more doting than usual. They’ll tease a little about how you’re sore and still just a little out of it, but that doesn’t mean they’re not checking on you and being extra attentive.

- The times when it’s all of you together but in a more romantic way, it’s like being surrounded by pure love. Everyone’s kissing, you’re all tangled together, it’s just really soft and intimate. Doesn’t last as long, but it’s insanely sweet and gooey. When finished, there’s lots of soft caring/cleaning up/cuddling for a while but it doesn’t have the same insane recovery time as usual. After everyone’s taken care of, the guys like to try pretending everything is normal, but it’s obvious they’re more clingy than usual. Definitely all sleeping together in a pile on nights like that.

- Sometimes one will join in just for aftercare. Kei enjoys seeing you a fucked-out little mess, so he’s always happy to help if it means he can see you destroyed for a minute first. Dabi likes the feeling of being needed and being able to care for someone, so he’ll help, especially cleaning you up and getting you dressed. Tomura loves the way you cling after, and likes to cuddle and nap, so he’ll come in late to the aftercare just for that.

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extasiswings · 3 years

Note

“i’ll keep you warm” eddie has a nightmare post-shooting 👀 (or however you wanna write it!)

This was not supposed to be this long...rated M-ish for some mild smut at the end. On ao3 here.

The thing Eddie remembers most about the shooting isn’t the shot itself, or the pain, or even the fear—it’s the cold. The icy numbness of shock curling down his spine, twisting through his veins like tendrils of frost creeping across a windowpane in winter. Cold, as his pulse skyrocketed, his body’s signals all crossed and confused and trying to circulate blood, not seeming to grasp the fact that his blood was seeping out onto the asphalt beneath him, that trying to circulate it faster was just making it worse. Cold, like he was a stupid kid at camp diving into a frigid lake before dawn, except above him was blue sky and a bright sun beating down and the fact that it was Los Angeles in May didn’t do a damn thing to help.

He couldn’t feel it. He could only feel the cold.

Buck, though—Buck, he felt. Buck’s hands burned, on his chest, his neck, his face, so warm that Eddie almost wanted to flinch away, but he didn’t. He was aware enough to realize that if Buck was warm, he was probably telling the truth when he said he wasn’t hurt. And that was good. That was all he needed to know.

The cold—

Eddie’s been through enough in his life to know that his subconscious works in weird ways. After Afghanistan he dreamed more directly of burning helicopters and gunfire, blood in his mouth and smoke on his tongue. Shadows and screams and guilt. After the well his dreams were of Christopher, Shannon, waves crashing on a beach. And Buck. Sunlight.

This time...this time Eddie dreams of drowning. Trapped beneath ice, his hands slamming against it, eventually forced to inhale—water flooding his mouth, his throat, his lungs—cold, cold, cold—

Sometimes after he wakes he’ll spend hours shivering. Phantom chills that won’t go away even when he wraps himself in blankets.

The therapist he’s mandated to see before he can be cleared for work tells him that the brain doesn’t always process trauma by taking the most direct path. Eddie doesn’t know why his has fixated on this. The cold. Maybe it’s just easiest. Because the shooting—

His chest gets tight when he’s walking in open air. Sweat breaks out across his brow when the sunlight glints off of windows. His pulse races.

He can’t breathe.

It feels a little like drowning.

“Do you feel safe?” Dr. Kingston asks one session. And Eddie thinks about freezing in a grocery store parking lot, gripping the edge of a cart to keep his hands from shaking, thinks about Buck curving a hand around his shoulder, solid and warm—

“Sometimes,” Eddie admits. “It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

He tastes the lie on his tongue before it slips out.

“I don’t know.”

When the world shut down and Eddie had to leave Christopher with his abuela so that he could keep working without worrying constantly that he was putting his son at risk, Buck’s was the obvious place to go. And Eddie doesn’t know if things would have been different if it had been just the two of them but Hen and Chim deciding it was also the obvious place for them to go meant there weren’t a lot of options for sleeping arrangements.

So Eddie shared the bed with Buck. And it didn’t matter if either of them wound up wrapped around the other, the lines of their bodies pressed close enough to bleed together. If they curled into one another like plants twisting to find the light.

It was...instinct. To seek comfort. Warmth. Touch. Both of them alone for so long, and just needing—

Needing.

They never talked about it—there wasn’t anything to talk about. If it made Eddie’s heart race, if it made him ache for something he hadn’t expected and didn’t wholly understand, if when he returned home alone again his own bed felt too empty, that was his own problem.

Now, though—

Now, he knows. Because he stood frozen on the street and stared at Buck with Carla’s words in his head—make sure you’re following your heart—and realized oh. It hadn’t just been convenience, it had been love. Need and desire and love.

Now, he knows, but doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge, with the awareness he has suddenly. Buck is living in his house, in his space, helping him with Christopher and with his own recovery, making sure he takes his meds and gets to his appointments and does his exercises. Buck is there all the time and it’s a blessing and a curse because Eddie burns whenever Buck touches him.

And Buck touches him. A lot.

He hadn’t at first, right after Eddie came home from the hospital—Eddie would catch him sometimes looking like he wanted to, but holding back, reaching out but stopping himself, and Eddie never asked why. Even now he doesn’t think he ever needed to—he knows what it’s like to be afraid, to be unsteady, adrift, worrying that touching something you expect to be solid will reveal it’s just an illusion. Not wanting to find out if it is.

But Buck touches him now. And sometimes Eddie will wake up to find that Buck’s migrated from the couch in the living room to a chair by his bed, folded in and fitfully asleep. Buck never says, but Eddie’s pretty sure it’s so Buck can reassure himself that Eddie’s still breathing.

Eddie understands that need too. Sometimes he isn’t sure himself.

The first time it happens after Buck’s relationship with Taylor has flamed out—for himself, he and Ana have been over since just after he left the hospital—Eddie finally just gets up.

“Buck.” He curves a hand around the side of Buck’s neck and passes his thumb along the edge of his jaw.

Buck startles awake, looking somehow guilty.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I? Sorry, I know it’s—I can go back to the—”

“Will you just come to bed?” Eddie interrupts before Buck successfully talks himself into leaving the room. “Please?”

Buck’s eyes flick down to his shoulder. He swallows hard.

“I don’t want to—”

Oh.

“You won’t hurt me,” Eddie promises. “Okay?”

Buck searches his face in the dark, but if he sees anything, he clearly doesn’t mind because he nods and gets up from the chair. When they both resettle on the mattress, Buck only pauses for a moment before curving around him like a parenthesis, his arm falling across Eddie’s waist.

Eddie’s breath catches.

“Is this—?”

Eddie closes his eyes and sinks into the embrace. If it feels just a little bit like cheating because he hasn't told Buck how he feels, that’s between him and god.

“It’s fine,” he assures, then adds to make it a little more fair, “you aren’t the only one who needs—you aren’t the only one.”

Buck relaxes at that, his grip tightening a little with newfound certainty.

When Eddie dreams, he doesn’t drown.

“You look good,” Dr. Kingston acknowledges two weeks later. “You’ve been sleeping better?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “I stopped having nightmares, so I haven’t been waking up as much.”

He catches the surprise that flickers across her face.

“They stopped completely?” She asks. “Have you been doing something different or—?”

Eddie shifts in his chair and clears his throat. What is he supposed to tell her? That he stopped having nightmares when he started sleeping with Buck every night? He’s not really ready to unpack that with his therapist—he’s barely ready to unpack it in his own head.

“Just lucky, I guess,” he says. Dr. Kingston puts down her pen and levels him with a long look that tells him she knows that’s bullshit and is trying to decide whether to push or let it go until another time.

She lets it go.

“Well,” she replies. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Eddie feels like he’s dodged another bullet.

Later, though, he wonders if he shouldn’t have said more. If he shouldn’t have asked questions. Because he goes to sleep and—

The water is pitch black and freezing. Eddie’s eyes sting, but it doesn’t matter whether he keeps them open or not—there’s nothing to see. He kicks his legs anyway, swims up, up, up, even though it hurts to make his limbs work when they’re so cold. There’s a faint light—the surface—and he kicks harder, desperate to reach—

Ice. Nothing but a sheet of ice, solid and thick. His lungs burn from lack of air, his palms beat against the ice—

He can’t keep moving. It’s too cold. He can’t—

“Eddie. Eddie.” Hands seize him from nowhere, almost too warm, and Eddie could have sworn the ice had no cracks, but he’s being lifted out—

“Eddie.”

He snaps awake, gasping. Buck’s face swims into view, worry painted across every line. His hands are on Eddie’s shoulders.

They’re so warm.

Eddie shivers.

“You were hyperventilating,” Buck says. “I thought—”

“Just a dream,” Eddie grits out, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He still feels frozen. Stupid—it was a dream, it wasn’t real, so he shouldn’t—it shouldn’t be this difficult.

He shivers again.

Buck’s brow furrows deeper.

“You’re shaking—are you cold?”

Eddie sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. He swallows back the denial on his tongue, the urge to run away and hide in the bathroom until a scalding shower makes him feel somewhat human again. Maybe he can’t always be honest with his therapist, but he can be honest with Buck.

“Yes,” he admits. “But it’s not—it’s just in my head. When I got shot I—it’s hard to explain but, yes. I’m cold. Freezing. I don’t know how—”

He cuts off and Buck shifts on the mattress, reaches out slowly so Eddie has plenty of time to stop him if he doesn’t want to be touched, and finally wraps his arms around him, pulling Eddie firmly against his chest.

“I’ll keep you warm,” Buck says quietly. And Eddie—

Something in him cracks. Not like ice during a thaw, but resolve after too much time of being worn down, pressure applied in precisely the right spot. He’s raw and ragged and his scarred heart hardly feels like anything anyone should want, but he’s so tired of pretending he hasn’t been trying to press it into Buck’s hands for a year in different ways. He’s tired of not asking and being afraid and waiting. He’s tired—

Buck makes a soft sound of surprise when Eddie kisses him. But he doesn’t push him away. And Eddie can’t help himself from pressing closer, curling one hand into Buck’s shirt and the other around the back of his neck and kissing him again and again and again, feeling altogether too frantic. He’ll probably find it in himself to be embarrassed in the morning, but want and desperation have left very little room for shame at the moment.

Buck kisses him back. His hands drop to Eddie’s hips as Eddie does his best to climb into his lap.

“Eddie,” Buck pants between kisses. “Eddie—I—” His head falls back and Eddie takes the opportunity to continue his exploration down the exposed line of Buck’s neck.

“Should we talk about this?” Buck finally manages, even as his own hands flirt with the hem of Eddie’s shirt.

Eddie freezes. The answer, of course, is yes. But talking is the last thing he wants to do when part of him still feels chilled to the bone, not wholly alive. He wants to be touched, wants to be consumed, wants to fall into orbit around Buck’s sun and never leave.

And it’s late. Dark. The two of them, the bed, the very room caught in a liminal space where anything could happen, anything could be said, anything could be forgiven. Eddie can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a dangerous one.

His mouth drags along the edge of Buck’s jaw.

“This isn’t because I wanted someone and you happened to be here, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He doesn’t look at Buck’s face. It’s easier to not, to focus on something else. He stopped going to confession a long time ago, but he never had to look directly at his priest either, always some curtain or other barrier obscuring things, lending the illusion of privacy, anonymity.

“I’m in love with you,” he admits, and Buck’s hands flex on his hips. “I’ve been in love with you. So we can talk about this if you want, but—”

In an instant, Eddie’s on his back, the rest of his sentence swallowed up by the tongue sliding into his mouth. Buck is a warm, solid weight on top of him, pinning him, anchoring him, and Eddie finds he doesn’t mind when it forces him to be in the moment, reminds him that he’s fully in his own body.

“I love you, too,” Buck whispers when the kiss breaks, and then he’s pushing Eddie’s shirt up and off and dispensing with his own—

Shannon was his first. Eddie wasn’t hers and he remembers being glad that at least one of them had some idea of what to do because the second she touched him he was so overwhelmed by sensation that he could hardly think.

This is…not dissimilar. Buck’s chest presses flush against his, all warm, bare skin, and Eddie feels like he could drown in a different way. He arches up, seeking Buck’s mouth again, and Buck obliges.

Eddie’s focus narrows to certain points—the slick slide of Buck’s tongue against his, Buck’s hand ghosting along his ribs, the careful space between their hips and the low burn of heat in his gut that makes him want to close the gap—

His hands slide up Buck’s back slowly, his fingers tracing the knobs of Buck’s spine, the sharp edges of his shoulder blades—they dance along the line of his shoulders too, sketching the breadth that he’s noticed but never allowed his thoughts to linger on. His touch is careful, reverent, as if Buck is a holy thing that his stained, sinner hands have no business touching. Perhaps, in a sense that’s true.

He’s never been a very good Catholic, but sex—sex, desire, love—sex has always been something…sacred to him. In high school, he shied away from the locker room-style conversations about who went how far with whom, kept out of any discussion involving lamentations about still being a virgin at graduation. For one thing, he thought they were usually crass and disrespectful. But mainly he just—he didn’t care about waiting until marriage or anything like that, but he always knew he wanted to be in love. Hence, Shannon. And why there hadn’t been anyone after her.

Until now.

Eddie kisses Buck until his lungs ache, but he’s not close enough, feels like he can’t get close enough. One of his hands slides into Buck’s hair, but the other trails back down, presses lightly on Buck’s lower back as his own hips rock up, seeking friction. Buck swears against his lips and closes the distance—Eddie can feel him hard in his sweatpants and flushes, dizzy at the thought of having made that happen, dizzy at the thought of more, dizzy—

He feels very much like a clumsy teenager again, fumbling his way through on instinct. At least this sort of thing is familiar, even if he hasn’t done it with a man before. Buck grinds their hips together, the friction sending sparks through every one of Eddie’s nerve endings, and kisses down his neck, teeth scraping over his pulse point. Eddie gasps and Buck hums, low and pleased, against his skin.

And then, just as he thinks he’s used to the slow burn of pleasure, Buck shifts his weight and slides a hand down to toy with Eddie’s waistband. Buck meets his eyes in the dark and swallows hard.

“Can I—?”

This time, when Eddie shivers it has nothing to do with the cold.

“Please,” he rasps, and Buck smiles before tugging Eddie’s pants down just enough to wrap his hand around Eddie’s cock.

Buck’s touch is a little tentative at first, clearly unused to the angle, and the part of Eddie that’s still capable of noticing that spends a brief moment feeling grateful that he’s not the only one lacking in experience here. But what Buck may lack in experience, he makes up for in enthusiasm, experimenting with grip and speed and pressure to figure out exactly what to do to make Eddie gasp again, to make him bite his lip, to make him hide his face in Buck’s shoulder to muffle any louder noises he can’t quite hold back.

It doesn’t take long. Even before the shooting, Eddie rarely bothered to touch himself with any sort of regularity, and during his recovery he had even less of a reason to do so, what little energy he had in the first few months better spent elsewhere. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed it. But clearly his body did because his orgasm hits him like a train when Buck spits into his hand for extra glide and twists his wrist on the upstroke. He bites Buck’s shoulder and Buck’s hips jerk and then he’s just floating—boneless, breathless, and utterly wrecked in the best possible way.

Buck collapses on the mattress next to him as Eddie’s catching his breath—Eddie reaches out, his hand skating over Buck’s stomach, and makes a questioning noise. Buck laughs quietly and catches his hand, bringing it to his lips.

“I, uh—I’m good,” Buck promises, and even in the dark Eddie can see his cheeks flush.

Eddie curls into his side. “Really?”

Buck kisses him. “I don’t think you realize how long I’ve wanted to do that. Or how good you look. So, yes, I already—yes. Really.”

Eddie’s lips curve up. He presses a kiss to the edge of Buck’s jaw. As the immediate aftermath wears off, his eyelids start to grow heavy, his limbs moving a little less easily.

“We should probably shower,” he acknowledges, although the strength of the statement is likely diminished by the yawn that interrupts him halfway through.

“Probably,” Buck agrees, but he too makes no move to actually get up.

Pressed against him as he is, Eddie is warm and sated and content. He drifts, skirting the edge of sleep.

“I love you,” he says again. Because it feels important.

Buck hums. If he says something else, it’s too low for Eddie to catch.

When he dreams again, he doesn’t dream of drowning. He doesn’t dream of the cold.

Instead, there’s just light. Just warmth.

Just Buck.

#chapel writes #buddie #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

Text

If I Fell For You (Part 14) - Keep Close

Summary: The Ackles have the Padalecki’s over for dinner and let it slip that they’re engaged. Things seem to be going well but the anniversary of the accident is coming up and the reader comes up with the Ackles taking their first vacation together as a means of distracting Jensen as well reconnecting with Ray...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 4,800ish

Warnings: language, mention of sex, mention of a dead parent/spouse, anxiety

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

“I’m stuffed,” said Jensen that night, the kids running around playing soccer in the yard after dinner.

“I need that chicken recipe,” said Jared.

“I’ll write it down for you guys,” you said, sitting back in your chair. “You can do it with breast too if you like that better.”

“I want exactly this like, everyday from now on,” said Jared. Gen rolled her eyes and Jensen pulled out his phone. “Want me to take a pic?”

“I don’t need your freakishly long arms just yet,” chuckled Jensen. He turned around and took one of the four of you at the table before handing off his phone. “Mind getting one of us?”

“Your mom harassing you for engagement photos already?” asked Gen.

“By the time we were leaving they were both asking for photos and being obnoxious. Better than they were though,” said Jensen, smiling beside you. Jared took a few more and handed the phone back.

“I still can’t believe your parents would act like that,” said Gen. “I mean obviously I’m super happy it got fixed but that’s so unlike them.”

“They made a mistake is all,” you said with a smile. “I don’t know about you guys but I’m going to finish this beer in the pool.”

“I think I’ll join you,” said Jared. He stood up and had a look on his face you caught too late. Before you knew it he had you picked up and was jogging over to the deep end and jumping in with you.

“Jared!” you said when you popped up. He giggled and swam off to the shallow end. “After I helped pick up the plates ya big lug.”

“We got it,” said Jensen, carrying over two beer cans and handing them to you. “We’ll join you guys in a few.”

About ten minutes later Jensen was leaning against the side of the pool in his bright red swim trunks, handing you the other half of his cookie cake piece.

“So any big plans for the wedding?” asked Jared, sat on the pool steps with Gen.

“I have a thought,” you said, turning to Jensen. “I haven’t discussed it with Jensen yet.”

“Vegas. Shotgun wedding,” he laughed. You shook your head and he grinned. “You’re thinking the farm, aren’t you.”

“What do you think? It could be outdoor or indoor, whatever it needs to be depending on the weather.”

“I’d love that,” he said, giving you a squeeze. “That’d be perfect for us.”

“You own a farm?” asked Jared.

“Yeah, ten minutes from the brewery.”

“Dudes. You can open bar with your own beer. Oh and dibs on being a groomsmen.”

“Like that wasn’t gonna happen,” said Jensen.

“I don’t know on that,” you said. Jared’s face fell and you shook your head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be one. Of course you would. I just don’t have a lot of close girlfriends. I think it’d be weird if Jensen had a ton and…”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” said Gen. “We didn’t have an even number at our wedding.”

“We got time to figure that stuff out,” said Jensen, holding your waist. You finished the last bite of cookie and hummed.

“So you two having a kid?” asked Jared. Gen whacked his chest and he shrugged.

“Jesus, Jare. Don’t ask that.”

“They’re our best friends and godparents to our children...although I guess Y/N didn’t know that she inherited that until now but come on, I know you’re wondering too.”

“Shut up,” said Gen, crossing her arms. “Obviously if they decide, they’ll tell us when it happens.”

“Yeah, I think there’ll be at least one,” you laughed. Gen lit up and turned to Jared.

“Last time they said they were having a baby guess what we did? I can’t handle no more babies,” said Jared.

“Can you even get that thing up anymore?” teased Jensen, sipping on his beer.

“You’re one to talk, old man.”

“That shit still works just fine.”

“Just fine?” shot back Jared.

“Oh my God. You’re both good at sex. Y/N be grateful you’ve missed this same conversation over and over for the past sixteen odd years,” said Gen.

“I’m still taller,” said Jared with a smirk.

“I can last longer,” said Jensen with one of his own. They narrowed their eyes at one another and Jared stood up.

“Go wrestle on the grass,” groaned Gen. They both huffed and got out of the pool before starting to playfully wrestle. “See, what you may not realize yet is you have another child right there.”

“Yeah but he’s hot,” you said, Gen laughing while you sat beside her. “Do you guys really talk about sex with each other?”

“Yes and no. The boys are you know, boys. They’d combust if they didn’t tease each other. I wouldn’t say there’s like, intimate details or anything ever shared. They’re both pretty private about that sort of thing. Dee and I would talk but more so say we had fun the night before. Shit we probably talked about sex toys more than anything.”

You stopped mid sip of your beer and she laughed.

“When your guy is thousands of miles away for that long out of the year, you gotta get off on your own. You get pretty good at phone sex too. You’re lucky. Jensen won’t be staying away so long ever again he said.”

“No, no. But uh...before Jensen I’d had the same boyfriend forever and he was as vanilla as could be. We didn’t do that stuff really together.”

“I can text you some links to stuff. It’s not like you have to go in some scary store or anything. It’s discrete and I think a small vibe would be great to start with. You can use it during sex or foreplay or whatever. Just you know, have fun.”

“Jensen and I kinda got busted by the cops a week or so back for...activities in the backseat,” you said. She started to laugh and you groaned. “Thankfully it was his friend that caught us so he let us off the hook but...it was kinda fun.”

“Good,” she said, sighing as Jensen pinned Jared down. “Hey so yeah about that wedding thing. Jared had two more groomsmen than I had girls. It doesn’t have to be matchy, matchy, you know?”

“I know. I don’t know if…” you trailed off. “I lost my friend group when I broke it off with my last boyfriend. We’d been together for over ten years and I kept turning down his proposals and they didn’t like that. I have some nanny friends but not a lot and no one I’m really close to. I don’t know if I’d even get more than five people to come for me. Everyone else is his family and friends and I didn’t think about that until just now. I mean what would they think, seeing that? I don’t know if I even want anyone there now.”

“I think what they’d see is someone they care about marrying someone he loves. Just because we’re Jensen’s friends doesn’t mean we’re not your friends too. I know we’re still getting to know each other but we’ll be as close as those two eventually. Ruthie was texting me and we’re having a girls night the next convention in Dallas. You literally have a built in crew ready to go from the show, the girls and the guys. You are so coming with me to the next night I have with my local girlfriends and you got our family. You even got Dee’s parents. You have more than you know, sweetie.”

“I never had a best friend growing up except for my mom. Until Jensen,” you said. “I’ve never really been good at the friend thing.”

“Were you bullied in school?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t tell anyone besides Jared but my dad wasn’t a good person. He hurt me and so I was afraid of getting in trouble so I didn’t talk to other kids all that much until I got old enough to understand what he was doing was wrong and that’s how I ended up being adopted.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can’t do anything about it now. But I can have it not control my life too. I’ve been pretty good since I was nine in that department. My mom dying sucked and things have been up and down but I like where I am now. This is easily the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“Jens’s not perfect.”

“I know. But he’s good enough. He gave me a certain confidence to live my life, like really live it.”

“He’s alright,” she smiled. “You know I have an idea about this bridesmaids thing you might like.”

“You?”

“Oh I would for sure but I meant more so I know two little girls that wouldn’t mind. Maybe there’s a boy too,” she said.

“I’m gonna need you to be my wedding planner at this rate,” you said.

“Job accepted,” she said. “I say we go farmhouse modern style.”

“Gen. I got engaged like two weeks ago. We have time,” you said. “We don’t even have a date.”

“At the very least can we go dress shopping?” she asked.

“I’m going to regret this,” you sighed as Jensen stepped back in the water.

“Get yourself a stronger man, Padalecki. That one is weak,” he said. Jared followed him right after and went to tackle him when Gen caught his arm.

“Boys, not in the water,” she said.

“Chicken?” asked Jensen.

“Losers pick up the tab for when we go out this weekend for dinner. Deal?” asked Jared.

“Well in that case, you’re on.”

Two Weeks Later

“Jensen,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair while he absentmindedly burnt some eggs. “You okay babe?”

“Yeah. We ought to pack up the kids, get on the road soon if we’re gonna hit the beach.”

“I’m gonna drive, okay?” you asked. He nodded and you got out the eggs again, making up a new batch. “Do you want to talk to Ray?”

“Why?” he asked quietly, leaning back against the counter.

“Anniversaries of traumatic events can be triggering,” you said. “My mom died two days ago. Well, you know what I mean.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

“Because it doesn’t trigger me anymore. But it did and this is the first time...the first one is the roughest.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I ought to talk to him.”

“Eat your breakfast. I’ll give him a call and get the kids ready while you guys talk, okay?” you said.

“Thank you,” he said. You kissed his cheek and hugged him before you went upstairs for your phone. It rang a few times but Ray finally answered, noise in the background.

“Y/N. Everything alright?” he asked.

“Hey. Yeah. We’re...we’re pretty good. Today’s the first anniversary of Jensen’s-”

“Ah. I understand.”

“Listen, I know it’s a Sunday and you don’t work the weekends but would you mind talking to him for a few minutes? We’re going down to Galveston for the week in a bit but he’s off this morning.”

“I’d talk to him even if he wasn’t your fiance but especially because of that. You know we’re actually down here ourselves for a few days. Just got down yesterday. If you guys are around...maybe we could get together for that swim.”

“I’d like that. You okay?” you asked.

“I always get a little down on the day but Sarah understands. You understand.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna put Jensen on and um, maybe we can meet at Arillo’s for dinner?”

“We got a reservation there ourselves tonight. How many in your crew? Five? I’ll call and ask for an update.”

“Yeah there’s five of us. Um, Ray?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for being so horrible as a teenager after mom. You loved her as much as I did.”

“Thank you but you don’t have to apologize for that. You got too much pain in your life. I’m glad you found the good stuff too.”

“Are Geroge and Taylor there?” you asked.

“Yeah kids are here. Taylor’s got some internship but she does it online half the day and George is some research assistant thing for one of his professors but same kinda deal. We leave them to work in the morning while Sarah and I have some fun. Want me to let them know you’re coming?”

“Probably a good idea. Not sure how they’ll react,” you said, Jensen poking his head into the bedroom. “Here’s Jensen.”

“Okay, sweetie. We’ll see you guys soon.”

You handed the phone to Jensen and finished up packing while he sat on the bed. You tried to leave him be but couldn’t help listening in.

“Yeah I’m anxious...I don’t want her to drive down today...you know why...I guess...probably...I don’t want to be freaking out for three hours in the car...because it’s today...I know...I know...so I have to suck it up...I don’t want to have a panic attack in the car with the kids...no I haven’t...I’m scared I will though...yeah...I understand...dude that sounds so stupid...that’s not medically anything...no I don’t have my doctorate...I don’t wanna ask her...I said I don’t want to, not that I wouldn’t...I know...I will...maybe I’ll try that too...yeah, Y/N said the first year is the roughest too...I’ll let her be in charge until we get down to the beach today. I think I’ll feel better after the car...yeah I kinda figured out what she was doing planning a trip on today of all days...I need it...really? Yeah, I’m looking forward to meeting up down there too...thanks Ray.”

You finished with your suitcase and had his open for him when he walked into the closet. He swallowed and handed your phone back.

“All good?” you asked.

“Ray thought it might be a good idea if I had something of yours with me on the way down, to keep on me since I’m...anxious this morning about being in a car.”

“Something of mine…” you said, looking at your side of the closet. “Why don’t you pack up and I’ll get you something before the road, okay?”

He nodded and twenty minutes and about three bathroom trips later the SUV was packed up. You hopped behind the wheel, Jensen tapping the arm rest from the passenger seat.

“Here,” you said, reaching into your pocket, pulling out a bracelet. It was fabric, the kind made from craft string, white, rusty orange and a light tan color mixed together.

“I’ve never seen this,” he said as he held it between his fingers.

“I got it on vacation with mom and Ray. Last one we went on,” you said, tying it around his wrist. “You have it.”

He stared at you as you turned the engine on, watching you backout.

“This is too important for me to take,” he said quietly.

“It’s fabric. I want you to have it, okay?” you said, pulling onto the street and closing the gate. He nodded and you turned the radio on low. “Coffee run?”

“Yeah. Coffee sounds good right about now.”

You were only about fifteen or so minutes away from the beach house you’d rented. The kids were either taking naps in the backseats or watching a movie on the ipad. You risked a glance at Jensen, his fingers absently toying with the bracelet while he looked out the window, the radio on low.

“How you doing big guy?” you asked as you pulled off to the exit ramp.

“Pretty good now,” he said softly.

“Mind navigating for me?” you asked. He hummed and picked up your phone from where it sat in the console the past few hours. About twenty minutes or so you were stretching outside of the car, Jensen opening the front door of the house with the code you’d been given. The kids climbed out and were good about each taking their own backpacks while you and Jensen gathered up the rest.

“Come here,” he said, leaving the bags by his feet and kissing you against the side of the car. You grinned and he picked you up in a big squeezing hug. “I love you.”

“I know,” you said. He set you down and kissed you again. “You seem like yourself again.”

“I needed that push, get over that fear. But now, I can enjoy my day with my girl and my kiddos and apparently we are having dinner with Ray and his family tonight?” he asked.

“If that’s alright,” you said.

“One hundred percent,” he said, Arrow jumping up and down nearby. “Honey, go use the bathroom in the house if you have to go.”

“No I’m excited!” she said. “Can we go play on the beach? Pretty please?”

“Hm, give daddy fifteen minutes and then we can go?” he asked. She turned to you and grinned.

“We’ll go really soon sweetie. I promise.”

“Hey guys,” said Jensen an hour later, the five of you down on the beach and mostly watching them build a sandcastle together. “Y/N and I want to tell you something.”

“Is it that you guys are getting married?” asked JJ, patting some sand with her shovel. You glanced at Jensen and he shrugged. “You were talking to Aunt Gen and Uncle Jared about it last night, right?”

“Well, yes we were,” said Jensen. “I suppose we were a little louder than we thought. But yes, Y/N and I have decided to get married. We’re not sure when exactly but in the next year I can say.”

“So we have a mom again?” asked Arrow, fixing her corner of the castle that kept caving in.

“Well you guys are kinda lucky. You’ll get two moms,” he said. “How’s that sound?”

“We missed mom’s day,” she said with a sigh. “Right?”

“We’ll catch it next year, promise,” said Jensen. “Do you guys have any questions or anything you want to say?”

“Do we call you mom now?” asked JJ.

“You guys call me whatever you want,” you said.

“Can we call you mom?” she asked. You nodded and she went back to playing in the sand.

“Anything else guys?” asked Jensen.

“Can I get a giraffe?” asked Zeppelin while he figured out how much water to add to the sand to get it to stick together.

“No sweetie. They wouldn’t fit at our house,” said Jensen.

“Darn it,” he said.

“I can tell you’re all so invested in this topic,” chuckled Jensen.

“Oh! Can my flower girl dress be purple?” asked JJ.

“Your dress can be whatever color you want it to be,” you said.

“Awesome,” she said. “Or black and purple. With lightning stripes.”

“Ah, I knew the classic rock would finally pay off,” said Jensen.

“Maybe Daddy’s suit can be black and white stripes, like a tiger,” you said.

“Like a White Snake music video more like it,” he laughed. “We’ll figure all that stuff out. We wanted to make sure you guys knew was all and if you have any questions or were nervous or anything you know you can ask either one of us.”

“Mom makes you happy again. Of course you gotta marry her!” said Arrow. “Oh and get her a pony. Girls like that.”

“Would you care for a pony, sweetheart?” asked Jensen as he shook his head.

“Are we talking mustang kind of pony?” you asked.

“That’s my girl,” he said, wrapping an arm over your shoulders, kissing your cheek. “Let dad get a picture of you guys. We’re on vacation after all.”

Five Hours Later

“Jensen,” you said, changing into a light summer top and a pair of denim shorts after your shower. He was standing by his suitcase undressed, trailing his finger over his scar. “Honey?”

“A year ago was the worst day of my life and today was a really great one. I get to meet Ray more and even Sarah and the kids who all sound great and...I’m really happy I’m still here to see all this.”

“Me too,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “Wear your red underwear.”

“Is that a request?”

“I like how you look when you take it off,” you said, gently smacking his ass as you went to go fix your hair.

“I am so grateful I found you,” he said to himself. You smiled and brushed your teeth quickly before checking yourself over and taking a selfie. You sat up on the counter and opened instagram, still silently grateful you’d always had it on private. There was nothing bad on it but Jensen and Jared had tagged you before and all of the comments always seemed to be negative.

“How do I look?” asked Jensen, walking in wearing a short sleeve navy button down and his red underwear.

“So sexy,” you giggled, Jensen digging through his other bag and finding his khaki shorts.

“Can I get away with sneakers and a backwards baseball cap at this restaurant?” he asked.

“Totally. We always eat outside. It’s near the pier,” you said, putting up your post.

“Taking more pictures I can show off of you again?” he asked, grabbing your brush and getting some control of his damp hair back.

“Nobody even sees my instagram hardly,” you said.

“You know the internet knows we’re dating, right.”

“I’m pretty sure your fans still aren’t okay with that fact, even if they know.”

“Oh you’re mistaking the nutjobs for actual fans. The real ones, those guys are cool and nice. I actually got a lot of care packages and things from them last year. Still do. They really are good people. Those other ones that leave nasty comments? Fuck them. That shit don’t bother me anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying family and friends know. Can I show off the woman I love to the world?” You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in front of you, his head cocking.

“Yeah,” you said. “Better late than never.”

“Okay,” he said. “For now though, I’m looking forward to this dinner.”

“I hope it goes well. It’s George and Taylor I’m more worried about. They were kids when I decided to stop coming around. I only knew them maybe two years, if even that. I know they were upset.”

“Give them some credit. Ray raised them too after all.”

“I’m all set!” said Zeppelin, walking into the bathroom with his paw patrol shirt and nothing else on.

“At least I was gonna wear underwear,” chuckled Jensen. “Little dude. Get some undies on and shorts in the next two minutes or else…” he trailed off as he came in and hugged Jensen’s leg.

“I love you, daddy,” he said.

“I love you.”

“Can we get a giraffe now?” he asked. Jensen rolled his eyes and you released him.

“Let’s go finish getting you dressed, buddy.”

“So you guys were Sarah’s fosters?” asked Jensen towards the end of dinner, all three kids passed out asleep in the stroller or on the bench besides you while you picked at your shared dessert. Neither George or Taylor had said much aside from introducing themselves.

“Guys,” said Ray, nudging Taylor. “I’m sorry for our children’s rudeness. I was afraid of this.”

“Shut up,” they both said, Sarah sighing.

“The kids were both big fans of Supernatural. They grew up watching it with me. It was something we bonded over at first in fact,” she said.

“Oh,” said Jensen, a smirk forming on his face. “Sam or Dean girls? George come on buddy, it’s okay.”

“This isn’t happening,” said Taylor, her eyes squeezed shut.

“So you guys don’t want to hear about the movie, gotcha,” he said, both of them snapping their heads up.

“He really is a dork,” you said.

“Movie?” asked George.

“Someday. You can count on it,” said Jensen. “Maybe I’ll go easy on you guys and ask what mom was?”

“You boys are a little young for my tastes but honestly the guy who played John was very attractive,” she said.

“Even I’d hit that,” said Ray, Sarah laughing to herself.

“You can see Ray wins his ladies over with his charm,” you said, glancing at Taylor and George. “Like you guys could literally ask anything you ever wanted about the show and get an unfiltered answer if you want.”

“Did you really keep the car?” asked George. Jensen nodded and held up his finger.

“When we’re back in town, you guys come over and you can take a spin in it,” he said.

“Okay, he’s cool with me,” said George. You cocked your head and he smiled. “That was the car from the show I always told you about.”

“Oh. I thought you were talking about batman or something,” you said, pursing your lips. “Sorry I wasn’t…”

“You always sucked at pretending to be happy,” said Taylor. You looked down and nodded. “We get it. You had to do your own thing.”

“Don’t hate me for leaving?”

“Maybe when we were little,” she said. “But we’re older and we get that you probably felt like a fifth wheel.”

“Yeah. A lot really,” you said. “It worked out though.”

“She’s a Dean girl by the way,” said Ray, cracking up as Taylor whacked his arm.

“Dad! Oh my God no I’m not! I like Sam!” she said.

“Want to talk to him?” grinned Jensen. Her face went red and you heard a quiet chuckle at the table. “You’re right, we’ll save that for in person.”

“You basically are marrying Dean Winchester without like, the trauma,” she said. Jensen tensed up but kept a smile on his face. You knew Ray caught it when he gave him a simple nod.

“Trauma’s not inherently bad,” said Ray. “Everyone at this table has gone through some.”

“I know, dad,” she said quietly. She looked at George and he nodded. “Our parents were in a house fire. So were we. I was five and Georgie was four.”

“She carried him out and went next door for help,” you said.

“I was in a car accident last year,” said Jensen. You turned your head. It wasn’t public knowledge that he was in the car. He’d flat out told you that aside from family and a few friends, no one besides you knew. “I almost died. My wife did but for other reasons. You can still have trauma and a really good life.”

“Very good point, Jensen,” said Ray. “You two rugrats wouldn’t be around if mom and I had moped around in our misery forever.”

“Was he always such a sap?” asked George.

“From the day I met him,” you said, Jensen grabbing your hand under the table. “Would you mind watching the kids for a second?”

“Not at all,” he said. You excused yourself and brought Jensen along with you, walking out to the beach area, the breeze cool but light.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I can talk about it now. I went from having the worst year of my life to one of the best. Nothing bad’s gonna happen for saying what really happened. I want to let all that shit go and have the rest of that really good life I was talking about.”

“For someone who keeps a lot inside I sure have noticed a difference in you the past few weeks.”

“To quote both of the loves of my life, I gotta let that shit out more regularly,” he said. You smiled and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, giving him a kiss.

“You know that’s what we call growth, babe.”

“I very easily could have gone the opposite way this year.”

“But you didn’t, cause you tried even though it sucks sometimes. I love you but I extra love happy you and you’re definitely a happier guy now than when I met you.”

“So are you, honey,” he said. “Must make a pretty good team or something.”

“Oh yeah, maybe that’s it.”

“We should honestly get like, married or something, you know?” he teased.

“First I have to know though, are you willing to do cookie cake for a wedding cake?”

“I’m willing to make that sacrifice,” he said. “The real questions is, are you willing to deal with the eventual dad bod that will happen as a result?”

“I love this bod, but I don’t love you for this bod,” you said.

“Thank you for today,” he said softly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said. He grinned and kissed your cheek, hugging you tightly. “What are best friends for?”

“Everything?”

“Hell yeah they are Ackles.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 15 here!

#spn #supernatural #jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen series #jensen x reader #rpf #rpf series #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic

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afterartist · 3 years

Text

Have a headcannon dump of a LU!centaur Au that’s been cycling in my brain for a week, I’m quite possibly going to write a fic/do more art,

You’re free to leave ideas or suggestions for this Au as well

(Wild doodle to go with at the end)

•–•Au Basics:

-this is heavily based off the @linkeduniverse Au by @jojo56830

Basically it’s the same but every character (even side characters but they’re not important) are Centaurian, this is finicky and involves things like Cervitaurs, mermaids and whatnot,

This is hevily based on living conditions and most races are born with natural legs, ie; hylians are born with two hylian legs, and their secondary legs will grow in around the age of four depending on the food and lifestyle they’ve had until then, the secondary traits are usually set in by the age of six where they will no longer have their original legs.

—-

Now the headcannons (this is just the links cause idk much about the Zelda’s so I have to do more research)

—-

•–Time•

- The old man is a Stag, no I will not take criticism on this

Time started off his journey a young deer cervitaur, barely grown into his fawn limbs before coming into contact with Fi,

Deer are often seen as prey animals and weak, but we all know Time is seen as the leader for a reason,

My man got mad strong horns and has kicked, impaled and stomped on more Moblins then any sane person should, while deers are often seen as weak you would have to be blind, deaf, three years old and an idiot to think Time any less then the powerful stag that would lay his life down for his family

•–Sky•

-Loftwing… kind of a no brainer for this one

Oh yeah, our sleepy king has butt wings and you can’t stop me,

Sky was literally found in a Loftwing nest and the majority of Skyloft secretly think he’s a Hylian Centaur instead of the other way around,

Learning to fly was the literal worst, his wings took a few more years to fully develop so he got to flying later then most, the fact that his wings sit at an awkward place on the base between his hylian torso and his Skywing back doesn’t help that fact

Yes he’s still perfected the art of flying while asleep, not even other Loftwing hybrids know how he does it

•–Twilight •

-He’s… hes a Wolf… it’s… it’s twilight… literally what else would he be?

He was actually a wolf hybrid before his adventure started and is honestly not sure how it took so long for the chain to even start to theorise his connections with Wolfie,

Wind guessed they were long lost brothers,

Fun fact, Twi is allergic to fur, it took him embracingly long to realise, ‘Oh, I thought the air was just meant to hurt’

Legend likes to call him a husky and watch as Twi goes on a rant about how they are completely different, this went on for months before time brought a stop to it

•-Legend•

-Pegasus… is this because I love the Pegasus boots? You’ll never know

The only reason sky knows how to preen his wings is because legend literally sat on him one day and showed him

In the ‘Not quite horse centaurs’ club with Wild

His tail was unfortunately docked in his third adventure, Wind used his ‘ Customary Pirate Rope tying skills’ to fashion him a fake tail out of foe hair (yes it’s pink) and braided him a new tail,

Legend won’t admit but that was the day he started trusting the rest of the chain

Likes to cuff Wars over the head with his wings, he quickly found out Wars’ wings hurt a lot more to get hit by then his

•–Warriors•

-DragonDragonDRAGONDRA-

His scales are literally brighter then the chains future (admittedly not hard to be)

Learned the hard way that his claws are sharp and for completely non related reasons has a wooden backscratcher he won’t tell anyone about

Runs hotter then the others Links, thus why he always wears his scarf, Legend jokes he’s as cold blooded as his blood,

legend regrets.

Has an unhealthy obsession with shiny things, his time in the army has helped him restrain from stealing freshly polished swords and amour but four swears they had a freshly cleaned dagger right next to them and now it’s gone-

•–Four•

-Minish?? More like biggish (that was bad I’ll see myself out-)

Still Has four legs like a mouse instead of the two that minish usually have, but has the fluffiest tail in existence

Actually wasn’t sure what Minish were before meeting them so was super confused for the first few years after developing

When Wind was confused on how to use their pronouns (they/them) correctly they told him to just picture four mice in a Trenchcoat (it helped Wind a lot)

Paints their claws/nails, each foot is one of the four colours, the blue nails are for some reason always somehow chipped, Warriors ends up lending them some of his nail Polish which is sturdier

•–Hyrule•

-obsessing over the idea that Rules’ Hyrule is basically Australia so Rule is a kangaroo

Kangaroos are evil deer, Rule is the exception

Kangaroos are terrifying and could be hit by a truck and walk it off, lest to say Time had a mini breakdown after watching Hyrule get punched into a tree by a Hinox, stand up, then carry on with his life without so much as a scratch

They still suck at cooking

If you say ‘shrimp on a campfire’ he will ring your throat until you meet Nayru face to face,

‘I may not know how to cook but I know they’re called prawns.’

•–Wind•

-Salt water croc for my salty pirate

Changed from lobster because I personally hate lobsters

Has claws and knows how to use them, preferably on the back of legend’s legs but has learned hooves hurt to take to the face

Has 3rd eyelid to be able to see underwater, so he likes to sleep like that sometimes and creep out whoever is on watch

Wild has attempted to eat him at least twice, both times Twi had to stop the because Wind was also curious

Sky only has two legs? Boo loser, Wind has 4 and a big tail that could snap your spine (it took wind several years to learn how not to trip over and he still can’t walk for long periods of time)

•–Wild-

-Lynel… Time is not surprised

In the ‘Not quite horse centaurs’ club with Legend

Honestly thought he was a horse until Flora mentioned ‘no Link, horse’s don’t grow horns out of their head’

Isn’t sure if he’s a gold Lynel or just blond (they’re just blond)

Also has a hint of orange in his blue eyes, eyes that glow red on bloodmoons

Unlike their hair they actually like to style their tail a lot, went they went to Gerudo town he was taught how to braid and bun it but can’t do it on his own so let’s Wind do it when he’s bored

Has small horns that Time had to teach him how to take care of, cause who knew horns need maintenance

Literally no one knows how his glider is able to hold him up… or how he climbs literally anything with ease even with his equestrian limbs

Was also one of the first to use Four’s pronouns correctly as they themselves use all pronouns (likes he/they the most tho)

—- Quick sketch of Wild cause I love them with all my heart

Anyway, it’s just a poorly thought out Au and I’ll probably work on it more but have this info dump for a second as I try to figure out what I’m doing with my life,

If y’all have any suggestions have at it,

I just hope my ideas aren’t as jumbled as I think they are

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ootahime · 3 years

Text

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga >:) pt. 3

more and more paragraphs ahead. BE PREPARED!

i’m also writing this at 3 am so please bear with the horrendous grammar and punctuation.

chapter 63

i know he’s probably like this with everyone but i love how excited he is bragging about his students to her. he’s like a child telling his mother about an amazing adventure he had with his friends, making sure he mentions every detail. in the anime, their conversation lasted for 3:41 :3 backwards 341 is 143 which means i love you.

1 letter = i

4 letters = love

3 letters = you

chapter 63

i love her fit! i also like how both of them like to wear baggy clothing that accentuates their collarbones `w` it’s like they’re matching in a way. even if she did tell him to cut the crap, she still let him run his mouth to his content LOL i feel like if he didn’t compliment himself at the end, she would have said something different. UGH HE LOOKS SO HAPPY CALLING HER

ah, let me translate the conversation just in case anyone needs it.

utahime: you wanted to talk about the investigation, right?

gojo: well, got any idea who?

utahime: i have no idea. no one seems suspicious. what do we do now? should we ask the students for help?

gojo: yeah, that’s fine. i’m busy so asking the kids would be okay. keep looking. i’m counting on you.

I THINK THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE TRYING TO SAY.

OR it could mean that she’s asking if they should start investigating the students. it would make sense either way because gojo says in the next panel that he doesn’t want to assume that the mole is a student, and in chapter 79, gojo sends the trio to utahime to help her.

chapter 63

these two love their students to death. neither of them wanted to assume that the mole was a student. in chapter 79, when utahime is talking to the trio about the mole, nobara points out to the group that the traitor must be from kyoto because utahime is the one who’s reaching out to the tokyo side. utahime has a dismal look on her face, almost like she’s saying, “i didn’t want it to turn out this way -- for this to be true.” after mechamaru says his farewells to miwa on the train, mai tries to talk about what he did to which utahime says, “it doesn’t matter, he’s dead, after all,” with a similar sunken expression. i just love how her care for the students is one of the biggest aspects of her personality that’s been showcased so far. it’s also cool how it ties together with gojo’s belief that no child’s youth should be taken away. i truly think these two have the capacity to understand each other to a deep level, down to the core. seeing as utahime is also a teacher, it’s safe to assume that she also wants to raise the next generation of sorcerers to be strong. utahime and gojo’s similarities and contrasting elements are so interwined, i really wonder if it’s intentional. like am i looking too much into this? are utahime and gojo really meant to be this connected? think about it. similar motivations, care of the kids, contrasting palettes, the bickering, long history. IT’S JUST TOO MUCH.

also can we mention how their phone calls and meetings must be heavily planned out? this means they’ve talked and interacted with each other A LOT behind the scenes. she doesn’t answer his call with “what do you want? don’t bother me on my day off.” she knows exactly why he’s calling her and they even speak in code. she probably meets up with him and tells him to call her on a specific day and at a specific time. they must know each other’s schedules very well in order to execute this investigation in complete secrecy. when he says, “we can never be too sure who is listening in around utahime” it implies that they find calling a risk, so in order to guarantee that there is no one around, they have to meet up in person. see where i’m getting at? they talk A LOTTT and most likely are aware of each other’s daily lives.

the fact that gojo is her main source of stress when he’s literally a 3 hour train ride away from her is hilarious LMAOOOO. you know what that means, right? he must call and text her constantly about random things to annoy her.

chapter 65

ah yes, my favorite moment by far. look at that smile on his face.

chapter 65

he loves saying her name. he probably rushed over with the sole purpose of doing something like this to her LMAOOOO like i mean, mei was in there with her so technically they both needed to be helped but judging from his words and expression, he only wanted to help utahime. notice how mei’s not there in the debris. could she possibly have suspected gojo’s presence or an outside force? or was she fast enough to avoid being in the debris? either way, her lack of presence in this scene helps highlight the fact that this is a special interaction between utahime and gojo. he refers to her in a very familiar sense. the most formal way to address someone is by their last name followed by the honorific, -san. in gojo’s case, he should be calling her iori-san if they weren’t acquainted. he doesn’t even bother to call her utahime-senpai. granted, gojo is not the most respectful and socially competent person out there because geto points this out to him. he isn’t even aware that she finds him annoying because he views her bad attitude toward him as her just playing along with him. he probably thinks she’s flirting back LOLOL

since he asks her “you cryin?” that definitely means that gojo witnessed her crying on one occasion or maybe multiple. who knows, the old utahime could have been a very emotional person. while this is happening, mei is close to gojo, she then asks him if he would console her if she were to cry in a flirtatious manner. gojo dismisses her attempt at flirting with him and says she won’t cry because she’s strong. now normally, you’re supposed to face the person you’re talking to, GOJO. he KEEPS his eyes on her even when more people come to join the conversation.

now, we can all agree that geto, mei, and shoko are better at picking up social cues than gojo. they probably knew the vibe of the conversation and decided to play along with gojo’s antics.

chapter 65

WE were worried about you.

pay attention to the order of the characters that show up. gojo makes his appearance first, then geto, followed by shoko. based on utahime’s reaction to seeing shoko, it’s evident that these two share a close bond. shouldn’t shoko be the one to arrive on the scene first? she’s the closest to utahime and would therefore be more concerned about her condition, right? i know shoko’s technique doesn’t really allow her to do anything other than treat the wounds of others, but if you heard your friend was missing, you would definitely rush to the scene.

look at geto’s reaction when mei says, “you’re the one who’s picking on her, geto. you don’t even know it.” i think it’s mei who’s saying this because gojo calls geto “suguru”. but anyway, mei is aware that they’re picking on her. i don’t think she’s the type to legitimately bully someone for their strength. her reaction to all of this is very playful and her “heh heh heh” is proof of that. when geto shows up and swallows the curse before it gets to utahime, he says, “satoru. it’s not nice to pick on the weak.” by saying this, he pisses utahime off because he too, is joining in on gojo’s joke. i believe he’s unaware that he’s making fun of utahime because his reaction is “gah!” with a sweatdrop. he probably thought gojo was making fun of weak people in general.

geto’s usually a gentleman seeing as it is canon that he is more popular with girls than gojo. BUT WHO KNOWS...you gotta be a specific type of person to be best friends with gojo. maybe he ain’t shit too... okay, my point is that everyone is just playing along. when shoko shows up, utahime is relieved to see her because shoko doesn’t tease her like this. since utahime tells shoko to not become like those two, this implies that geto teases her as well (probably not as much as gojo). we all know geto is really big on looking out for the weak so he probably wouldn’t have insulted her for real.

verdict: utahime being weak is just a joke. i’ve mentioned this so many times, sorry if it’s getting annoying and repetitive hehehehehe...

chapter 65

these three aren’t irresponsible. geto and gojo are a troublesome duo for sure, but they’re dependable. seems unlike them to forget something so simple and essential to pretty much every mission.

chapter 65

here’s my headcanon. they were hanging outside or in the car when their assistant manager got a call. the assistant was informed that two days have elapsed since mei and utahime went on their mission (or last contacted someone).

gojo: that’s weird. mei’s with her so they should have finished exorcising the spirit sooner.

geto: you think something happened to them? maybe it’s a strong special grade.

gojo: utahime probably dragged mei down with her. poor mei-san~

gojo gets up

geto: where are you going?

gojo: going to save utahime! it’s fine i’ll put up a curtain!

manager: gojo wait!!!!!!!!!!!

geto sighs

shoko: that idiot’s always running off without us.

they pin the blame on gojo for saying that he’ll put up a curtain and leaving the assistant manager behind. you know what this means? he ran and the manager couldn’t catch up HEHE... why the rush, gojo? were you actually concerned about her?

tbh i don’t see gojo ever running to something unless it’s urgent. the fact that he ran to save her says a lot.

----

let me know if you have any thoughts or questions! i forgot to add this but gojo had a more serious expression when he was explaining how they must’ve been trapped in a barrier that messes with time. he then states, “we thought it was weird even though you’re here, mei.” i know he was probably worried sick because if mei couldn’t be contacted then that means something must’ve happened to utahime too. okay that’s it for now. i’ll be bringing up this little detail i’ve noticed about utahime in the manga next :3

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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gavin-plz-call-me · 3 years

Note

i saw you did an nsfw alphabet for wannabe challenge so i was wondering if you could do one for tears of themis? i'd love to see one for artem

Hell yeah, alphabets are the only nsfw stuff I'm good at writing

AO3

Artem NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

-Stills inside/beside you for a moment while you both catch your breath, then he’s combing through your hair, peppering your body with loving kisses.

-Has wet wipes/tissues to help clean you up at arm's length, so if let’s be honest, when you whine about not wanting to leave his side just yet, he can help you clean up.

-If you’re still clingy after a while, this man will carry you to the bathroom to get the rest of the way cleaned up.

-If you find yourself in a more dominant role in the bedroom sub Artem? It’s more likely than you think be prepared to pepper that man with so much love and care.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

-His favorite body part of himself is his eyes. They’re a nice color, but I don’t think he thinks about his appearance too much.

-As for you, would it be cliche to say your brain?

-While your beauty was what attracted him first, your mind is what really sealed the deal.

-Your mouth is a close second, because it helps you voice your thoughts in that beautiful voice of yours and, I mean, if you wanted to give him a blow job too he wouldn’t be complaining…

-Is an ass man.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

-Is hesitant on deciding where to cum.

-He thinks cumming anywhere in/on you would not be a very pleasant experience for you.

-But in the heat of the moment, he’ll probably end up cumming inside you if he’s wearing protection, or on your thighs/ass if he’s not.

-When he cums, whether it be in you or on you, he’s grabbing you a tissue when he comes down from his high to clean you up.

-If you swallow his cum he’ll be a little disgusted, but a lot turned on.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

-Has masturbated in his office after you’ve left on multiple occasions.

-Sometimes the perfume you were wearing was extra enticing, sometimes what you were wearing made you look extra hot, and sometimes your presence alone is enough to get him hot and excited.

-Is mostly ashamed about the times he did it before you two were dating because it felt like an intrusion of your privacy.

-Once Celestine came to his office right after he finished and he was so mortified that she’d somehow be able to tell that he did something. She knew something was up because of how much he was blushing, but she didn’t know what exactly

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

-Big old virgin

-I’m not even saying that to be mean plus being a virgin isn’t bad it’s just true.

-Sure, his lack of experience may be a bit of a hindrance at first, but he’s a clean slate.

-He’s not gonna be doing some weird thing with your clit because a girl he was with before liked that.

-Train him to perfectly pleasure you, and, trust me, he’s a fast learner.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

-Your first few times together he only did missionary, because, while he knew there were other options, he didn’t know how to initiate them.

-As he got more experience, however, he grew to absolutely love doggy style.

-Loves your ass, so it’s an obvious choice. Plus, if he’s extra flustered, he can easily hide it.

-Grips your ass extra hard while kissing your neck and back. If he’s feeling extra brave, expect a few whispers about how good you feel.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

-He has his goofy moments, but most of the time he’s 100% serious.

-Whether it be because he’s concentrating on learning how to pleasure you correctly, or, when he’s gained a bit of experience, just concentrating on both of your pleasure.

-I feel like as you guys get closer, however, an awkward moment may turn into a brief bout of giggles shared between the two of you before continuing.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

-Shaved himself completely when you two started dating.

-Was convinced you’d be disgusted by any hair down there. My poor insecure baby

-When he gets more comfortable around you, he’ll let it grow out, but he still trims it to keep it neat.

-Carpets match the drapes.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

-Is a whore for a sexy, romantic atmosphere.

-I’m talking rose petals, candles, and a couple of glasses of non-alcoholic wine.

-Wanna have the most romantic love-making session imaginable? Set all of that up for him instead of the other way around.

-He’ll be so in love with you at that moment he’ll have no choice but to give you the best orgasms you’ve ever had.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

-Before meeting you, he jacked off maybe once or twice a week, and it was more of something he had to do than something he wanted to do.

-When he met you, he thought you were the most attractive person he’d ever seen, so his sex drive and, naturally, his masturbation sessions increased.

-Increased to every other day, maybe every day. He tried to not think of you during these times as he felt it was an invasion of privacy emphasis on tried.

-After finally getting together with you, his sessions have decreased back down to once or twice a week.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

-Likes having sex in his office, but that’s the most public space he’ll do it in.

-Also loves it when you’re slightly dominant on him.

-Doesn’t want to do any of the more kinky stuff, tying him or you, depending on his mood with a tie is about as far as he’ll go.

-But just take charge, he loves it.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

-Can’t go wrong with the good old fucking in bed. It’s easy, comfortable, and you guys can take as long as you want.

-Get him riled up at work by wearing something that beautifully shows of your ass, or make sure he knows you’re wearing that pair of panties you know he loves or, fuck it, no panties at all he’ll polietly ask you into his office so he can fuck your brains out.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

-Loves when you assert yourself, especially at work.

-Get all confident during a trial because you know you’re going to win? That’s all the motivation he needs.

-Does not help his productivity at all, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

-Expect to fuck after a trial, extra hard if you won.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

-No threesomes/group sex.

-It’s not even because he’ll get jealous okay maybe a bit of that but you were his first and only. Everything he’s learned about sex has been about specifically pleasuring you, he wouldn’t know where to begin when having sex with other people.

-He’s more than content with you being his one and only.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

-Not skilled at the beginning like all things sexual, but he’s a fast learner.

-Good communication is key here, as it is in all aspects of sex with Artem. Guide him to where you want to be pleasured, praise him when you really like what he’s doing, and give him some delicious moans and he’ll be a pro at fucking you with his tounge alone in no time.

-Is too shy to ask for you to go down on him, and will insist you don’t have to when you try to initiate it.

-Ignore him and do it, the noises you draw from him are absolutely worth it.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

-Starts off at a weird middle ground sort of pace, not fast and not slow.

-Is fond of slow and sensual when he grows more experienced, but will occasionally get rough with you.

-That usually happens when he gets a bit too jealous of a guy who got a bit too close to you for your liking.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

- doesn’t really have a choice in the matter at the beginning, mr. 30 seconds (sorry Artem)

-For real, he prefers longer love-making sessions, but if you’re teasing him in the office a quickie will ensue.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

-Grows more confident the more the two of you have sex.

-He does like fucking in his office, so he likes a bit of risk, but there being too many people in the office, or the chance of Celestine walking in at anytime, Artem would much rather feign working on a case and take you home.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

-At first, like most virgin boys, his stamina is basically nonexistent.

-Let him take his time, he’ll get to fucking you until the sun rises in no time at all.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

-Has never thought about getting one for himself when his hand does the job well enough.

-Is very open to using toys on you in the bedroom, especially when he’s feeling insecure about his ability to please you which happens often, scream his name and make him forget those insecurities.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

-Not a teaser in the slightest.

-You want something specific in the bedroom? He’s already doing it, you barely have to ask.

-On the flip side, sort of loves it when you’re unfair to him.

-Just barely touch him and stop at the brink of his orgasm, he gets a sick sort of pleasure from that.

-It also helps him gain more control over himself in the bedroom, so it’s a win-win.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

-May try to stay quiet, after all, in all the porn he’s watched which isn’t a lot because I feel like watching it makes him feel uncomfortable the man is always basically silent.

-That does not work out for him, though. He gets so overwhelmed with pleasure that he can’t control what his vocal cords are doing.

-Gains a bit more control over it over time, but he realizes you like his moans, so he stops trying to keep them at bay.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

-Is a total switch.

-Can be pretty dominant at some times see his atmospheric card

-But I can totally see him wanting you to dom him sometimes. Loves seeing you dominate the court, if you bring that energy to bed, oh boy is he like putty in your hands.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

-He’s of average girth and slightly above average length. Has a nice, thick vein that runs the length of his penis.

-Uncut.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

-Has a very active imagination how else would he become such a great lawyer?

-And while that helps him out in his work, anything about you can really set him off.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

-Is out like a light

-Especially the first few times, his body doesn’t know what hit him.

-But even after a while, he works so hard that the moment he has the chance to fall asleep, his body is taking that chance.

-Make sures to stay up long enough to get cleaned off and help you clean yourself up.

#Tears of themis #tears of themis artem #artem wing #tears of themis headcanon #tears of themis headcanons #tears of themis fic #tears of themis fanfic #nsft #tears of themis nsft

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