#So he hasn't questioned his assumption that it could never happen

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E18 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Meimei: one of the princesses of Verdigris House

Suirei: court lady who doesn't like Maomao

Woah. Okay so that's a loaded exchange.

Jinshi: How does one decrease the value of a courtesan? Maomao: In the case of pregnancy, it would reduce it to nearly zero.

There are 7 seconds of silence in this show after that. Yes, I used a stopwatch to time it. That is a freaking insane pause.

Jinshi makes a move to... I don't know exactly, reach out maybe? Reassure Maomao that he's not planning on doing this? I'm not sure. There is a shit ton of subtext to this conversation, that I'm not sure I have completely figured out but I will try.

Jinshi is the more obviously bothered by this statement, by a lot. Maomao is just observing to see how Jinshi responds to it. Essentially what she says is that a man could rape a courtesan and impregnant her to bring her value down, to ruin her. It would bring her value so low that anyone could afford to buy out her contract at that point. Jinshi has not provided any context to why he asked this question, and Maomao is studying him closely to see what he does with the information. I don't believe she thinks he would do this personally to a courtesan, or she wouldn't have told him. But as it appears, they've arrived at a brothel where Jinshi stopped her before going inside to ask this very fucked up question. She has to at least examine the possibility that she is wrong about Jinshi. And I think he passes her scrutiny, but not without damage done. She's disappointed that he is planning on going into this brothel, and that he asked such a depraved question. It hits particularly hard, because just prior to this they were having a nice moment where she opened up about her father. Now she is likely backtracking, either wondering why she bothered, or scolding herself for behaving inappropriately.

As for Jinshi in this scene, he hasn't revealed why he wants the answer to this particular question so badly. But boy does he want it. He let himself and Maomao fall into Lakan's trap just so that Lakan would tell him the answer. But Lakan didn't answer. Instead Jinshi asks Maomao, knowing that the question is inappropriate. He risks damaging the regard between the two of them so that he can get this answer. He's risking widening the rift between them. But why? What use is this answer to Jinshi? Does this have to do with the story Lakan told? Is he concerned about what may have happened to a courtesan in the past? To Maomao's mother? Is there a courtesan in the present that Jinshi is concerned about? Who can say.

In any case, Jinshi can see the damage that asking it has caused. He tries, I think, to backtrack, but it's too late. Maomao is retreating from him. She wants to flee, this conversation hurts for reasons she doesn't want to examine. Thank god Jinshi is emotionally intuitive. He can't let her walk away like this. The rift between them is too large, there is no telling if it could even be fixed if she leaves now. Jinshi grabs her arm.

Jinshi: You're leaving me now?

Maomao explains that her presence would compromise whatever plans he has in the restaurant. And Jinshi has to agree that makes sense, even if he can't put into thoughts or words why his heart is breaking right now.

Jinshi's critical error in this moment is that he is trying to keep Maomao out of what he's up to. He wants to protect her from whatever he's involved in, yet doing so is harmful too. He never tells her why he is visiting this place. He never explains why he asked the question. She is left to fill in the blanks with her own assumptions, with devastating results. In his effort to protect Maomao, Jinshi has harmed her. Jinshi cares for Maomao, but he hasn't learned to fully trust or respect her. And there will never be a relationship without trust. He's still got a lot of work to do before a real relationship can happen.

Maomao: It's fine. I didn't show any emotion when I spoke.

Maomao!!!

Her heart is breaking here too. I'm only surprised she is willing to admit it to herself. Perhaps the anguish of this moment has become too great to deny? For as sad as this scene is, that Maomao is aware and acknowledging her emotions is a major breakthrough! I suspect she's in for some painful moments now that she has to feel her pain, but you can't heal what you don't feel. She's on a path of healing now! Yay!

Oh my god, she even turned around to watch him walk into the building. So good Maomao. You're doing great girl!

Maomao: I truly hope you enjoy your evening good sir.

Maomao you dirty little liar!

Okay so maybe we only get to see a tiny step forward for Maomao, but a tiny step is still progress! I'm just so happy to see anything that pokes past the impasse that Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at for ages.

The fuck kind of nightmare was that?! No wonder Maomao doesn't like to feel her emotions if she gets horrible flashbacks. Was she the baby in that scene? It looked like someone who was horribly injured tried to kill a baby. Apparently they couldn't go through with it. Was this Maomao's courtesan mother? Was she burned or scarred in someway? Perhaps to bring down her value? Or was the baby the product of rape? Was she trying to get rid of the baby to allow her to what? Return to being a courtesan? Seems unlikely with the injuries. Because she hates how the baby was conceived? Because the baby reminds her of the man who did this to her? Maybe to kill the baby so it couldn't be abused by someone else? Maybe because the woman in the scene was planning to kill herself after killing the baby?

Maomao looks at her hand, then thinks about the conversation she had with Jinshi yesterday. She then says of the nightmare that she brought it up. So there is a connection between the conversation and the nightmare. I'm guessing that what Jinshi asked about is exactly what happened to Maomao's mother, which triggered her memory. Why look at her hand? Does this have anything to do with her bandaged arm? Does the neglect or abuse of her mother have something to do with Maomao's low self-worth and the reason she is willing to self harm for her experiments? Or is she looking at her hand just to ground herself in reality, to try to fight back the traumatic memories?

After being awoken by her nightmare, Maomao is comforted by the familiar sight and routine of her father working in the apothecary. He asks her to take a package to Verdigris House.

This is maybe as good a time as any to ponder if Maomao's connection with Verdigris House is greater than that of an apothecary. I mean clearly it is, she considers the people here to be her family. But could she have had blood family that lived here as well? Was her mother one of the courtesans? I think that has been hinted at fairly strongly now.

Maomao is welcomed back with open arms. I'm so glad too see it. When was the last time someone gave Maomao a hug? Was it the last time she was here at the brothel?

Pairin is being harassed by granny to make a choice on something, and Maomao uses the opportunity to sneak away.

Pairin: Is she going to the annex?

I fricking hope so! I've been waiting for this!

Okay, so the annex is part of Verdigris House. And it looks identical to the room in Maomao's nightmare. So this must be where Maomao's mother lived. Perhaps where she died. And Maomao lived here, at least as an infant. How did she end up with Luomen?

Oh shit! Her mother is still alive?! But in a terrible state. She has some terrible illness. And it's not confirmed that this is her mother, but isn't it implied? Either way, Maomao used to be chased out of here by this angry person though it seems she no longer has the energy.

And hold on, I remember a scene from the last time Maomao was in the Verdigris House where granny asked her to tend to what I thought was just an ill courtesan, but perhaps it was this person in the annex.

Maomao's mother patient seems to be in the end stages of her illness. She no longer has energy to even speak. Luomen's once effective treatments don't offer relief, and there is nothing more that can be done. Though she may have been dealing with her decline for a long time Maomao will soon have to deal with the death of her mother. This may not be a healthy relationship, but there will still be grief. We grieve for people even when it's complicated. We also grieve what could have been, what never was. And there is never a good time to lose someone, but certainly some times are worse than others. Much of Maomao's life is uncertain right now, and she just took an emotional blow from her interaction with Jinshi, causing her to dip into the emotions she tries to avoid, now this on top of it. When it rains, it pours.

There is a troublesome customer visiting the Verdigris House. Meimei has been tasked to meet him. How foreboding. It couldn't be Lakan could it? His history with courtesans makes me ill.

Okay so maybe this lady isn't Maomao's mother, maybe she is. Maomao explains that the woman has syphilis. At least Verdigris House takes care of their own. I love that. Luomen may have been able to do something for this woman if he had arrived to serve the brothel during an earlier stage of the illness. There is a flashback here, where we get a glimpse of young Maomao in the brothel. No one trusted the eunuch doctor from no where, even if he could have done something. After contracting syphilis, the lady had to go on serving customers until the sores spread over her whole body, and she was locked up in the annex.

The woman tried to hum a tune, but is unable to to speak. I wonder if Maomao recognizes it.

Little girl: Big sis wanted you to know that the weirdo with the monocle is here, so you should avoid going out there for awhile.

Oh no! It is Lakan! Why is this little girl telling Maomao specifically so she can avoid him? Does he have a history with Maomao at the brothel? I'm trying to recall all of the things that Lakan said about the courtesan he used to visit at Verdigris House. That he could beat her at shogi, but not go. That she never sold herself but that she had an arrogant expression... I mean, I could be looking into it too much, but that... could be Maomao? Did she work as a courtesan here before? Is this why Jinshi is so determined to find out how someone might have reduced the price of a courtesan?! Did he know she used to work here? Does he worry that something terrible has happened to Maomao here? DID IT! Oh my god! It would explain so much about her fear of working as a courtesan, and her trauma. What the fuck happened in this brothel?! And who all knows about it! I demand answers!

I'm going to pull it back a little bit, and return to an earlier theory that Lakan is actually Maomao's biological father. He may have a history with Maomao at the brothel but that may be as a man who was somewhat interested in the daughter he fathered. Understandably, Maomao wants nothing to do with him. We learn here that Maomao knows who Lakan is though. Thank god they didn't run into each other in the palace. Can she really go on avoiding him? He can follow her in the palace or in the Pleasure District.

Maomao refers to Lakan as a long time customer of the Verdigris House, an old acquaintance, but that if she just stays put in the annex, she won't run into him. Okay, but tell me why you don't want to run into him....

Maomao has had a rough day. She's still reeling from her conversation with Jinshi and now she has been trapped all day in the annex with a woman who maybe hates her, so that she can avoid Lakan. She's had nothing to do but think about all the really painful emotions that she usually stays busy to avoid. Meimei finds Maomao hiding out in the annex, and lets her know that Lakan has left. Apparently he has brough up an offer for Maomao?! Maomao hates it, and so do I!

Maomao worries that if she didn't have her job that the madam of Verdigris House would have sold her off to Lakan by now. She thinks that Lakan's interest is the main reason that the madam wants her to become a courtesan. So Lakan is a major contributing factor to why Maomao is so fiercely opposed to being a courtesan. Her terror takes on a new shade of meaning now. If only we knew what has transpired between Maomao and Lakan in the past, we could understand.

Meimei has been given offers to leave the brothel, but has as yet turned them all down. She's getting close to retirement age, but isn't ready for that yet. Maomao asks why she doesn't just leave? To Maomao the freedom to choose would be preferrable to any offer that a customer could make. Maomao thinks that Meimei is holding out for love. Perhaps she is in love with someone already, and is waiting for an offer from that person.

Maomao: Maybe it's love. But if that's the case. It's not a rabbit hole I want to delve into. That's an emotion I'm sure I left behind. Back in the womb of the woman who birthed me.

Nearly every example of romantic love that Maomao has is heartbreaking. She's seen heartbreak after heartbreak in the brothel, with courtesans having promises made to them, and then broken. We don't know the story of her parents, but if her mother is the dying woman in the annex, or if she has died already, then then there is heartbreak in her story as well. Even the concubines in the palace don't have the love of the emperor, instead they merely battle for his attention and favor. The sole example she has seen is that of the concubine who was able to escape the Rear Palace when her military beau was able to secure her release.

Maomao is not open to the idea of love, in fact it is something she tries to avoid, disdains even. This view of love is one of the reasons we have seen her repeatedly shut down any tender emotion she's had, and why she is so willing to read any other explanation when love is directed at herself. And she tells us here, that it stems from her parents. How is she ever going to trust someone enough to love them and be loved in return?

And what a way to talk about one's own mother. "The woman who birthed me." So there is a story there. It sounds like one of abandonment, neglect or abuse, as we've already guessed.

The princesses want to pamper Maomao, and she adores the attention. This girl is so touch starved. I wondered about Maomao's need for physical touch, way back in episode 2 when Jinshi touched Maomao's hair and breathed on her neck. He did it in an effort to try to seduce her, but her reaction was interesting. She didn't get disgusted or freaked out as she did with his flirting. She just kind of let it happen. Now we see it with the courtesans that she considers family. Meimei is scrubbing Maomao's back and she is relaxed and smiling. The courtesans love Maomao so much, I wish she could have this kind of affection all the time.

Hard transition to Jinshi. A man who maybe has never had a hug in his life, except for the back hug he stole from Maomao when he was drunk. He's regretting that his date went so terribly, he didn't mean to give the impression to Maomao that he was trying to hook up with someone. He tells us that it definitely wasn't what he traveled there for, which is really unnecessary. No one who has been watching this show believed he was. I would like for him to tell us what he was up to though.

Maomao has retuned to Jinshi's residence, and Jinshi steels himself to face her. He's embarrassed and knows he's once again put space between them, when all he wants to do is find a way to get closer. Plus, it looks like he's carrying that jug of... beverage that Lakan left. He presents it as a present from a weirdo. Their conversation lacks all of the usual banter, and is perfectly polite, which for these two is a disaster. Jinshi watches her walk away. He's not sure where to even begin to repair this. He's frustrated. Maomao is doing her best to pretend like Jinshi already left. Gaoshun is there listening closely. Suiren is there watching Maomao and wondering what has changed, but knows it's some bullshit because she says:

Suiren: For goodness' sake.

Yeah Suiren. I feel that in my bones. But when I say it there is usually an F bomb in there somewhere.

Maomao is having very complicated feelings about having seen her mother the woman in the annex. It's distracting her from her work. It seems bad, but it's a good sign that Maomao is starting to face her emotions and try to process them, rather than avoid them.

Suiren thinks Maomao's distraction has to do with the master of the residence so she decides it's time to say something. Suiren realizes that hints and subtly don't work so well for Maomao when it comes to herself. She needs very blunt advice, which Suiren provides.

Suiren encourages Maomao to ask Jinshi for some space for her apothecary supplies.

Suiren: You may appear apathetic, but you're keen. You know where you stand, and how to play the game.

Yes! Call her on her bullshit Suiren!

Suiren: Because somebody was born noble doesn't inherently make them any different from you or me.

She's telling Maomao to quit looking at Jinshi as some lofty official, see him as a person.

Suiren: If you view everything in terms of status, then you'll miss opportunities.

Thank you Suiren! Internalize that Maomao. Put it in your head and keep it there.

Maomao has an errand to run at the court pharmacy, and she's delighted. She'll sparkling here. If only Maomao could be employed here.

The odd court lady that smacked Maomao in the head a few episodes back has arrived. Maomao figures that this lady works in the guard house and handles herbs in her job, which is why she had a bitter smell earlier, here I thought she was on drugs. Maomao ponders why the lady dislikes her so much, when they've had so little interaction.

A little casual classism for flavor. The pharmacist bemoans that the court lady is required to come pick up drugs herself. Then realizes he said it in front of Maomao and tries to back track. It's not okay work for a court lady, but fine for servant. That comment right on the heals of Suiren's much better advice about class.

Maomao discovers that the item she was sent to pick up was potato flour and wonders why Jinshi needs it. She pieces together a few things about Jinshi's actions. She suspects his actions are part of a purification ceremony that would be used to perform ceremonial rights. Something a nobleman might do. Something that would be strange for a eunuch to do. I'm tired of this theme. Moving on.

Gaoshun and Jinshi are trying to piece together the mystery of Luomen, but Jinshi can't stop thinking about how things are so distant and confused between himself and Maomao, right now. And just to make sure Jinshi never gets a moments peace, Lakan arrives.

Lakan is in the same house where Maomao is right now, and on the one hand I'm hoping they don't run into each other for Maomao's well being, but on the other hand, let's get this plot moving along. It's time to throw Maomao to the wolves.

Question: why does Lakan bring his own beverage whenever he visits? Is he afraid of being poisoned?

Jinshi isn't even bothering to hide how irritated he is at this visit. That's telling. And maybe a mistake. Or maybe intentional.

Jinshi: It seems to me, that you had engaged in some dirty trickery. Lakan: How very rude. That's rich to hear from a thief like yourself.

Gasp! Jinshi a thief?! Go on!

Oh no! Lakan really was trying to get Maomao. He spent a decade trying to get Maomao? Maomao who is what? All of 17 or 18 here? Has he been trying to get Maomao out of the brothel since she was a child? With good intentions or bad ones? Lakan feels he's been made a fool. He tell Jinshi he's upset with him over this.

Jinshi is worried, pissed, and oh so intent.

Jinshi: So do you want your prize returned?

I'm fairly certain that Jinshi wouldn't do that, and is just moving the conversation to find out Lakan's intentions.

Lakan: Not quite. I will pay whatever it is you ask.

That's... a hell of a look from Jinshi. So intense! Jinshi fucking hates this guy.

Jinshi: And if I refuse?

Lakan: Well then, I suppose there is nothing I can do is there.

Which is a threat to wreck Jinshi's life! It's a declaration of war. Holy shit!

Lakan: How many people could defy a man of your rank? I could count every single one of them on one hand.

The imperial family maybe? Yup that's it. Jinshi knows that Lakan knows his true identity.

Oh my god. Lakan knows everything!

Lakan: I'm just concerned you know. About what my daughter would think.

He's threatening to expose the truth about Jinshi, and hits him where it hurts the most: Maomao. Jinshi was worried that Maomao may be this man's daughter, and Lakan just confirmed as much.

Jinshi is tense. Hands balled into fists, posture wary, as Lakan asks to meet Maomao. This asshole has been following Maomao. First at the brothel and now to Jinshi's residence.

Everyone one of Lakan's moves were so well played, and Jinshi... is trapped. He once again has to make a choice between the obligations of his station and his own personal desires. He can give this official what he is asking for and go on business as usual, after all what is one servant over another? It would be an easy decision for someone else other than Jinshi, if it were about someone else, other than Maomao.

Jinshi looks deep in thought when he comes upon Maomao while the sun is setting. Is something ending here?

Jinshi addresses Maomao as "apothecary." It's respectful in that it acknowledges her for her skills, she may even like being called this, but it's another sign of the distance between the two. I don't know the last time he called her by her name.

Jinshi seems very nervous to bring this up to Maomao. You can hear the tension in his voice. Unusual for Jinshi, when he is usually bold and shameless when interacting with Maomao. It's a sign of just how precarious things are between the two right now. Also, a sign of just how divided Jinshi is about even bringing this suggestion to Maomao.

Jinshi: There's... an official who wants to meet you sometime soon. ... It's...that weirdo I've been telling you about. His name's... Lakan.

A pause. Then a fricking jump scare of Maomao's intense glare! This glare isn't giving Jinshi chills in the fun way. She looks legit scary. It reminds me of a frightened animal that has been backed into a corner and has no choice left but to fight. Lakan is a line she will not cross. An absolute boundary. With one look she declares that there is nothing she won't do to avoid that meeting.

Jinshi: I'll find a way to let him down gently.

Jinshi, Jinshi, Jinshi.... what the hell are you going to do? If you can't convince Maomao to see Lakan, and you won't force her to do it, then your other choice is to go to war with Lakan.

Jinshi: I've never seen her make a face like that. I never want to see it again. Ever.

I hope he means that as I'm going to do everything I can to keep her protect her from Lakan. I hope this is a turning point for Jinshi, where he chooses Maomao in a real way. I hope he won't waver again on this, allowing Lakan room to maneuver Maomao and himself.

Maomao is distressed that Lakan has found her again. She goes to collect medicinal herbs. A familiar and comforting activity.

She is approached by Suirei who cares for the herb garden near the military officers' part of the palace. Maomao questions what Suirei is growing here and Suirei claims she planting a medicine for resurrection?

Maomao has a VERY strong reaction to that. Who has died in Maomao's life that she is that desperate to get back? A family member? Someone she loved? A patient she couldn't save?

Suirei claims to be joking. What a strange lady. Are we absolutely sure she's not on drugs? The music is unsettling in this scene and so is Suirei. She asks how good of an apothecary Maomao is then tells her she's going to plant morning glories here. I happen to know that those are poisonous! Is Suirei hoping to make a poison? Will she try to get Maomao to do it?

The sun is setting over the palace and the music is ominous. Is something serious about to happen in the next episode?

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming soon!

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #jinshi x maomao #jinshi #jinmao #maomao

[tswwwit]

[About the ask where you said that dipper blurted out "I'm pregnant" To bill and his immediate response is panic]

Does this mean that bill has impregnated someone??? Or the other way around??

Bill's never sired or sprouted any offspring, and has no intention of doing so!

Dipper was pulling a prank, and it worked very well - because Bill's been around the block enough to not dismiss the supposedly 'impossible'.

#answers #Dipper's never really thought about the mechanics of Bill's true form. On purpose. For his sanity. #So he hasn't questioned his assumption that it could never happen #He's right too! With what they're doing they aren't going to have any progeny #Bill though is not one to rule out some freak twist of magic causing an 'accident' #Heck knows he sees twelve impossible things before breakfast #And let's face it: These two get themselves into quite a few Shenanigans #It's almost like someone out there has it out for them 🤔 Weird huh #Given Bill's true nature I think it's equally likely he could be the siring or gestating partner #And between the two he'd pick lying down on the train track himself of that particular trolley problem #My version of Bill has negative desire to procreate at the moment #Though if Bill ever DID sire a kid prior to meeting Dipper #You just KNOW he was the worst most deadbeat piece of shit #this was in my drafts and I totally forgot it was there

[ineffable-endearments]

From "And furthermore, I don't think it's our place to start suggesting that there should be a suggestion box!"

I'm not even entertaining the idea that anyone else could possibly have ideas more worthwhile than whatever Heaven's upper brass is telling me God wants. The System is perfect.

to "You can't judge the Almighty, Crawley."

OK, so not everything God does makes moral sense, but that's just because it's too ineffable for us to understand.

to "I don't think that's what God wants. And I don't think you want it, either."

I don't always believe Heaven is right. Something in me is incompatible with the System. I'm hoping there's a greater good than the bureaucracy I work for.

to "I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crawley."

I'm tacitly admitting that I don't like what Heaven is doing here, but I'm powerless within the System.

to "If I were thwarting you, Heaven couldn't object!"

You've helped me believe Armageddon isn't part of the Ineffable Plan after all. Now I believe I CAN do something to stop it.

to "I have no intention of fighting in any war!"

I'm making my own personal decision here, without consideration for what the System wants.

to "I can make a difference!"

I'm certain that I personally have ideas more worthwhile than the rest of Heaven. I can change the System.

The growth is happening. I know it's slow (well, if you're a human, anyway), but it's happening.

I am wondering if this character development is going to work like a huge outward (inward?) spiral. Take steps to add a new perspective, then use that to start working on the next Big Problem, then circle back to the old problems and start dealing with them with the new perspective. Things are kind of circular, but on a different level every time, hence the spiral.

The first three are like: Refuse questioning Heaven's judgment on moral grounds -> Accept that some questioning is natural but God/Heaven are always right -> Accept that maybe my personal judgment is not always compatible with Heaven's. OK, now I've tentatively accepted that I have my own morality outside of Heaven's, but that is SO uncomfortable.

The second three are like: I have my own moral judgments, but I have no way to enforce them because of what is expected of me -> Maybe there is room for my own judgment in Heaven after all -> Actually, my judgment is important enough to refuse to do what is expected of me regardless of anyone else's Plans. OK, now Aziraphale can use his own judgment within the System.

And I don't know for sure, but maybe - hopefully? - the last three will be like: I trust my own judgment -> My judgment never succeeds when I try to force it on others -> Everyone needs to be free from coercion and I'm going to help that happen by doing things to undermine the System.

That last bit is written with an assumption that the Ball and Gabriel and Beelzebub's ultimate decision are a little bit of foreshadowing: Aziraphale seizing control in a way that is sort of scary, having a bunch of Experiences(TM) with other people including Crowley, then realizing that the only reasonable way to handle people "outside the system" is to let them do what they want. If that's NOT foreshadowing, or if it's different foreshadowing than what I think it's going to be, obviously this is completely off.

Also, I feel like if I'm right, this could illuminate the horrible things Aziraphale says in the Final Fifteen a little bit. I believe he has moved up slightly from thinking Good and Evil are absolutely inherent and immutable, and now believes they are literally Sides that can be chosen. Of course you wouldn't choose to work for the side that has explicitly characterized itself as Bad, even though we both know you didn't have a choice to start with! I'm giving you a choice now! He hasn't "gone backwards." It's just that he's embraced the "doing good is a choice" lesson without internalizing the "you can't divide people into Sides and enforce it using a system" lesson.

#good omens #aziraphale #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #Me blathering about Aziraphale again! What else is new?

[sizzleissues]

I loved the Paris special and all the hype leading up to it and after it and I just love how it went. I was so afraid it would disappoint my expectations, do something basic and trite but no, it went for something and I loved it.

Like for the most part the art, discussions and fics I saw previous to the airing were kinda goofy. We heard 'evil Marinette and Adrien' and constructed two evil little guys to swing around while we waited. They were bratty and overly dark and unapologetically cruel and conniving. Of course people did explore the possible reasons for them being different but we didn't know what the reverse world was like, where it broke off from our canon so we could only make guesses. People concluded they either did it for the heck of it, or that it was a lashing out against their circumstances. Whether the behavior followed them into being civilians, especially before all the designs were released, we didn't know and we made beautiful noise based on assumptions.

Then we got the episode.

The two kids weren't evil for the heck of it. They were tricked by someone greater, similarly how Master Fu told our Marinette and Adrien to use their power for the greater good, to better the world, the Supreme told them to use it for the greater evil, with some sort of reward in return for accomplishing this goal. It pit them against each other. They couldn't wholly work apart, neither were strong enough to do that, but they were never entirely together because if they worked together, they would simply turn against the Supreme. By telling them that only one of them could get what they wanted, the Supreme became a far cleverer and eviler villain than whatever Gabriel became by the end.

Bad Marinette and Adrien became trapped in the cycle of abuse they likely faced in their civilian lives. Marinette lived under the thumb of Chloe and her worse world and instead of being empowered as Toxinelle, she was trapped in a cycle of failure as it slowly killed her for ever wanting a chance at something better. She has the same capability as our Marinette to be good and to be resilient but the power of one toxic voice is demonstrated in her fall. At the midpoint of the special she knows that how fucked she is and how its entirely by the Supremes' design but she can't do a single thing about it other then finish what they came to do. It takes the hope Ladybug installs in her for her to overcome the manipulations of the Supreme. Bad Marinette loses the chance to get back what she wanted in the first place, whether that be freedom from Chloe or something in her home life but she accepts that she can improve things in a different way. Find Alya, join the resistance, carve out something new for herself. The lack of mention of her father makes you wonder and the bitterness about her mother is another open question. Is her Sabine mean or did something else happen to strain their relationship?

Adrien similarly became trapped in his grief and instead of Griffe Noire being a release from it, he toyed with his life in desperation to get his mother back, like our Gabriel did towards the end. I don't think Good Gabriel was a terrible father like our Gabriel but he was misguided. I think he likely didn't want to address Emily's death because by the looks of the opening, it was quite emotionally distressing and having to face that would mean admitting some terrible things (like that his actions resulted in her death, and that Adrien's 'birth' was the catalyst that had her killed). So he stayed silent and allowed Adrien's resentment to build. This Adrien is also still home schooled. I think again that Good Gabriel does this because he thinks allowing Adrien out into the world would put him in dangers way, since the Supreme obviously hasn't reclaimed the miraculous yet. But again he doesn't explain why, evidenced by Adrien working for the man responsible for his mother's demise. Adrien doesn't know, he thinks his father is pretending like nothings wrong and keeping him cut off from the world. Its likely that the one day Adrien runs away to school, the Supreme finds him and gives him the miraculous before he's whisked away again. Proving Gabriel right, but he doesn't know it.

The Supreme is also just fucking with Gabriel. He knows Gabriel's identity so he's using his son to fuck with him further. He kills his wife and then turns his son against him. His son who is now doomed to die if he doesn't retrieve the butterfly miraculous.

Both character's now reflect paths our versions could have gone down. Yes the world isn't run by the Supreme but miraculous has taken time to show the other ways the city can be terrible. Their Mayor's corrupt controlled by the whims of his daughter and investors, a greedy business man holds a monopoly on artists and the cities biggest fashion designer works with the smartest business woman in town to make rings to spy on everyone, who is literally a super villain with no known motive. Things are pretty shit and it’s not like the show isn't directly pointing to these things as terrible.

Ladybug and Chat Noir see this steaming pile of shit and decide to save it anyway, overcoming their personal challenges along the way. Like why not overthrow the mayor, why not take down those who don't need to be akumatised to be evil? It’s proof of their inherent goodness, even with everything they'd been through prior to origins that they don't do this. Versions of them are only compelled to be evil because someone different gets in their ear, someone promises them better "if they paid only a small price". Neither want to do it, but its all they have left after choosing that path instead of the other. We know that this darkness is in our versions as well. Adrinoir asks why not use the wish to solve everything? He could have his mother back, his father would revert from this cold mess to his distant but loving father. He acts out, plays a different character and doesn't think when he should. Maribug is constantly tearing herself apart trying to balance things and ends up abusing her power occasionally (especially in the earlier part of the show). She sometimes acts selfishly and is misguided. These aren't two entirely different sets of people, but the same set if the wrong traits are amplified.

And omg I love this show.

Instead of going, look at these two evil guys, doing evil things for no reason we get these morally complex renditions of our favorite characters. There's nothing wrong with the previous interpretation but it says little about our own characters in turn and only offers a chance for some hijinks and fun before the episode ends. (I wish they'd been dating and revealed like all our hearts dreamed but if that would have been true they'd have been too powerful and defeated Better fly in like five seconds so they could get back to making out - this lovesquare is even less functioning now)

Anyways be cool, watch miraculous

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml paris special #toxinelle #griffe noire #claw noir #shadybug #sizzle rambles

[amanitalovinghobgoblin]

Papa Bear

Halsin x reader.

Warnings: daddy kink (but it's papa 'cause he's a bear), faun reader (Roman myth), innocent reader (she's a magical creature who hasn't left her home before the parasite), and heats.

Description: Leaving your realm causes you to have your first heat, you're so very fertile and don't even know it! Halsin can't resist his urges when you come to him begging for help.

A/N: Read the warnings before committing lol. Faun culture is homebrewed in this, I only have the standard D&D player book to go off of. You can find this on Ao3 as well.

Halsin wakes to being vigorously shaken, he's jolted out of his grogginess when he sees your sobbing face. In seconds he sits up and cups your face, wiping your tears away. "What has happened? Are you injured?" He asks, concern lacing his voice, you nod "I think so...?" The uncertainty in your answer is confusing to the elf.

"What is wrong, cub?" He sees you shiver at the nickname, something you had never done. He raises a brow as he gets a clue, looking down his assumption was right. Your inner thigh fur is coated in a thick and sticky fluid, even your loincloth is wet, and the flap of fabric is stuck to your groin from your slick. "I feel weird and my-" Your face burns even more, you can't even force the vulgar words out of your mouth.

Halsin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, saying a basic prayer to Silvanus in his head and a line about protecting nature's innocents. It takes all in him not to succumb to the overwhelming desire that grows within his pants. He rubs your back soothingly. "You're not injured" he assures you, looking at him with teary eyes he can tell you don't believe him "What's wrong with me then?" You sniffle.

"Nothing!" He says a bit too loudly, perhaps overexcited, scaring you with his change in tone. Seeing your ears pin back he smiles kindly "you are just in heat, completely natural" you tilt your head, and Halsin clears his throat "heat, is when your body prepares itself for child" your eyes widen "but-but I can't have a baby! I have a worm in my head, I can't be a mother right now!" Halsin laughs, patting your head "you do not need to have a baby, your body is simply telling you you're ready for one" he sees you slowly process the information, and your tail flicks back and forth.

"How come I've never had it before?" You ask, wiping your tears on your sleeve. "In the Faunlands you live forever, you do not need to breed, in this plane, you live a mortal life and are subject to mortal fauna functions" you blush, somewhat embarrassed by the fact this non-faunus knows more about your biology than you.

"You can make me stop leaking then?" Oak Father bless your soul. You have no idea what you're getting into.

"I suppose I can offer some... Relief, it will not stop your heat, however" you eagerly nod "please" and you don't need to ask again. Halsin knows he should take you to the forest, somewhere away from your stowaways, where no one can hear you, yet... He can't find it in himself too, he wants them to hear you, to know he's bonded with you.

He coaxes you to lay on your front on his bedroll, the position being much more comfortable for your legs than laying on your back. He gets behind you, rubbing circles into your hips to soothe your lasting sniffles "if I go too far for your liking, you will tell me, understand?" He says firmly, stroking the fur on your bottom half, you nod, grabbing his pillow for comfort "say it out loud." He needs to be strict with you, he knows how much of a people-pleaser you are.

Your cheeks flush "I'll say if you go too far" the question makes you nervous, and you begin to worry about what could be too far. Though, you trusted the druid, Halsin is the kindest person you've met. Carefully he pulls the strings of your loincloth, peeling the fabric away chuckling when he sees strings of slick sticking to the fabric, he brings two fingers to sink between your labia and gathers your wetness "I see why you're so distressed, cub, you're so swollen and hot down here, so wet too" he tests your hole with a fingertip, pleased when he finds he can sink two fingers in you with ease.

You squeal at the insertion, hoof hitting the ground over and over, Halsin pauses and opens his mouth to check if you're in pain, only to stop and smile when you begin fucking yourself on his fingers desperately "ah papa, please!" That stops him in his tracks, raising a curious brow and processing what you've just called him. You don't take notice, too caught up in the overwhelming urges that rack your body.

It made him feel guilty at first, you had said something to the effect of seeing him as a father figure, since he was much older and taught you things you didn't know about the realm, and you had jokingly called him papa bear once... But he doesn't find himself hating it from your lips, this isn't the first time he's indulged the kink for someone, but it is the first where it got him off as well, something about your little cries begging your 'papa' for more was very enticing to the elf.

"Papa, papa~ please, it hurts, more, please~" The squelching of your cunt alone is loud enough to wake up your party, and he should tell you to quiet down, it would be the kind thing to do, that said... Maybe just a little bit longer. He presses his chest against your back, adding a third finger into your slick cunt and you gasp loudly, pressing your hips into his hand, plunging them deeper "papa, feels so good" he grabs your hips firmly, keeping you from moving so he can take control once more, the feeling in you belly build and builds as Halsin works your cunt open.

The feeling in your tummy becomes overwhelming, youre confused by the feeling "stop!" And Halsin immediately ceases his actions, removing his fingers from you and sitting up "what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" He asks, you hug his pillow, rolling on your back under him having your legs cage his in, you shyly look away "no, you didn't hurt me" he leans down with your reassurance, pressing his forehead against yours "what happened then, cub?" His cock twitches violently when you whimper at the term of endearment.

"Something was going to happen" Halsin chuckles which makes you flush in embarrassment "what's so funny?" You tilt your head. Halsin shakes his head "that was just your orgasm, the best part of sex" he kisses your neck tenderly, making you giggle and gasp "the-then can we do it again?" He nods, kissing your forehead before grabbing your furry legs and pulling you forward until your naked crotch is flush against his.

"Grind on it."

His voice is stern, a low growl that makes your ears twitch and you obey without a word, rutting your hips against his, grinding your naked cunt needily on his clothed erection. Tears well in those big eyes of yours and Halsin knows you're close, and coaxes your orgasm out of you by gently rubbing your swollen clit. With a loud moan of 'papa' you gush on the elf's leather pants, wetting them even more than before.

He continues to rub you after your orgasm, not stopping until you try to pull away. Halsin chuckles, removing his hand and petting your hip "you did well, cub" he praises as you pant and drool, grip loosening on his pillow, leaning over you, he kisses the top of your head, looking down as he hears you snore lightly. The druid smiles, he grabs the pillow from you and puts the dry side behind your head.

He takes his place beside you, wrapping his arm around your slack body, groaning and wincing when your tail brushes his erection. Halsin would like to relieve himself, but he didn't want to overwhelm you, he also didn't know how you'd feel about him having sex with you. He smiles though, there will be many opportunities in the coming days to give you some hands-on learning.

#halsin x you #halsin x reader #female reader #reader insert #x reader #reader #Fauns & Satyrs #Faun reader #smut #18+ only #18+ content #fanfic #halsin #Bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #Baldur's Gate 3 x Reader #bg3 x reader #innocent reader

[depravity-n-savagery]

『 Kiss, Marry, Kill 』 Part 2

Part 1

♡ Pairing: Billy Hargrove x (fem)Reader

♡ Summary: After that first night of hanging out with Billy (and first kiss), the two of you go on your first date. Chock-full of sugary sweet fluff.

♡ CW: FLUFF, loads of sexual tension, making out, song lyrics, emotions, small mention of Neil, struggling with trauma

🛑 18+ MINORS DNI 🛑

♡ Word Count: 3k

♡ A/N: It's been a long work in progress, haha but I needed this fluff today so here we are. 😌 Got me falling in love. ♡

"Keep pacing like that, and you're gonna wear down the carpet." 

Max was seated on your bed, legs folded with a comic book in her lap. You envied how carefree she was at that moment. Her and Lucas had made up again after their last breakup. If you could even call it that. It's one of the things you loved about her. She'd never be desperate for a guy's attention. 

You, on the other hand, were falling apart. 

After the sleepover, you haven't heard much from Billy. It twisted you up inside. Sure, you both had a moment. You shared a kiss. That magical, sweet kiss. It seems like a dream when you look back on it. Rose tinted hues coloring your cheeks and casting an alluring glow over Billy's sculpted chest. It was a romance novel in the flesh. A story for the ages. One that ended before it truly started. 

"It's Thursday…" You said, finally halting the back and forth line you walked across your bedroom. "He hasn't called or said anything about our date tomorrow. Maybe he didn't really mean it." 

"I don't believe that." The comic in Max's lap was set aside so she could shift and sit upright. Now fully tuned in to the conversation. "He's been different since that night. Not… I dunno, as much of an asshole. When I told him I was coming over here, he almost said something but he stopped. Just told me to call if I was gonna be out past curfew." 

So he wouldn't even drive her here… The thoughts branched off into jagged worries and assumptions. Still, you refused to fully believe that it was all fake. That you were played. Something in those eyes reached out to you that night. Even if it was just for a little while, he let his guard down. It was genuine. 

Repetitive pounding on the front door caught you both off-guard. The sound was urgent and loud enough to send ripples through the glass of lemonade on your nightstand. "Stay here." You told Max, already on your way out to the stairs. Heart leaping into your throat. Was it him? Did something happen to him again? The mysterious cuts and bruises from that night forced their way into the forefront of your memory. 

When you swung the door open you were visibly disappointed. There was no Camaro in sight. No tight jeans or a bleeding lip. Just Steve Harrington, scratching the back of his fluffed head of hair. He gave you a nervous smile when he saw your reaction. "Not who you were expecting, huh?" 

The answer was obvious, so you didn't bother speaking it. Besides, you didn't want it to be that obvious how much you were freaking out. Words made it official. Undeniable. So you crossed your arms and changed the subject. "What brings King Steve to my door on a Thursday afternoon?" 

"Well, my arm got twisted. Literally." His hand dug into his pants pocket, fishing around and coming up with a crumpled twenty dollar bill. When the realization hit, you were so giddy you almost forgot to take it from him, but you did. Stuffing it into your bra for the time being. "That uh, came with a message too. He said 'Lovers Lake at 7 o'clock.' Don't know what that means but-" 

"I do! Thanks for payin' up, Steve." You flashed him a big smile before going to close the door. "Guess you don't have to die after all." 

"I WHAT?!" 

His questioning was muffled outside the house, followed by another knock until you heard the sounds of his car pulling off. Your attention was already elsewhere. The date was on! The storm clouds pulled away and the sunshine was back in your eyes. Max looked at you as if an entirely different person walked in through that bedroom door. Skipping over to the bed with a little pep in your step. 

"It was Steve. He had a message from Billy, and I need your help picking out an outfit." 

Max whipped her head in the direction of your window, scanning the empty sidewalk for something. Or someone. "Wait, Steve was here?" 

You snapped your fingers, trying to bring her back to the matter at hand. "Earth to Max! He already left, and Billy set up the date for tomorrow! I need something to wear!" 

This had to be perfect. The relief and excitement felt too good for it not to be. 

Friday, 6:50pm

Your leg bounced anxiously in the passenger's seat, flipping out your palm-sized mirror once again to check your hair. A low grumble came from the seat beside you. "You've checked yourself about 6 times already. You look great! Stop worrying." 

Steve was dropping you off, driving waaaayy slower than you wanted him to. He was coming in handy left and right today. You were thankful, yes, but Billy would've had you guys there 15 mins ago. That familiar rumble of his Camaro brought you butterflies whenever you heard it. Heh, what a speed demon. Maybe he could take you for a drive after all this. 

The faint sound of music in the distance had you squealing. You could've swore Steve tried to hide a smile, watching you get so excited. The car came to a stop in the grass, just a short walk away from the lake. Of course, not wanting to drive his precious baby any further into the dirt than he has to. The sunset bathed the water in a gorgeous blend of orange and red, with faint tints of blue in the distance. The view alone made you gasp. 

"Have fun, kiddos." Steve said with a grin as you practically jumped out of the car. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." 

"Is there anything you wouldn't do, Steve?" 

"Anything or anyone?" He drove off with a laugh, leaving you to walk the five or so feet to Billy's parked Camaro. 

Goddamn, this man knew how to dress. It's like his skin drank up the last few rays of sunlight, and reflected them back at you. The summers here didn't burn the same as they probably did in California, but he brought the Cali sun here with him. Kept it in his chest, which he currently had on display. A short sleeved black shirt that was hardly even buttoned, just tucked into his tight jeans. A cigarette loosely hanging from his lips, burning as he inhaled and leaned against the hood of his car. The music probably drowned out the sound of Steve's car pulling up and driving away. 

The grass and branches crunched under your shoes with each step, getting closer and closer until he finally noticed you approaching. He actually smiled. If you could've sprouted wings, you would be taking flight right now. Weightless and fluttery the second your eyes met. Did his heart leap like this too? 

"Right on time, Y/n. If only you were this punctual in school." His smile turned devilish, flicking the cigarette down and stomping it out. 

Without a second thought, you propelled yourself forward into his chest. Wrapping him in an embrace that made you exhale. Billy, on the other hand, became stone. 

Shit. Shit! That was probably too forward. I mean, we only hung out ONCE. Sure, we kissed, but like- 

You were ready to recoil and apologize for probably ruining the entire mood, head hung low. Stupid… But he came alive again. Snaking his arms around you cautiously, pulling you into him. Not too tight, but enough for you to feel enveloped in his warmth. To feel his heartbeat. It felt safe. Unusual for him, but welcome. The longer you held him, the more he seemed to relax into it. Even releasing an exhale of his own. 

He shook you both with a titter, linking his fingers together at the base of your spine. "Is this your way of tryin' to get me to put out on the first date?" 

"Not exactly." You freed one of your hands, dipping it into your small handheld bag. A crinkling sound drew his attention as you held up a plastic baggie, stuffed with some of your home-baked cookies. "But this might be."

His tongue swiped across his bottom lip, probably remembering the taste of them. He took the rest of the batch home with him the day he left your house, and you were willing to bet he'd been craving them ever since. Selfishly, you just wanted to watch the look on his face when he ate them. Hear the sounds he'd make. 

"Somethin' tells me I'm gonna have to work out extra, if I keep you around." His hands lingered at your backside, reluctant to let you out of his grasp. Sadly, the rest of the surprise required the both of you getting into his car. So he let you go and rushed to pop open the passenger's side door for you. In his head, he tried to rationalize it as simply doing what guys just do during dates. Pick the place, open doors, and… bring them something. Totally not a romantic gesture, right? In the movies it was always flowers or some kind of jewelry. Not his type of thing. Instead, he went with something more personal. 

You made yourself comfortable in the seat, closing the door as you got settled in. There was still a bit of heat from the sun clinging to the material. It made you wince. "Sorry 'bout that." He said, sitting in the driver seat. "Guess I'm just used to it by now." 

"I can imagine." The past few days of absence felt like they were nothing more than an hour or so. That comfortable warmth was back. Only this time, the girls weren't around to keep things 'safe'. To keep that soft distance. "So do you want the goods now?" 

His eyes lit up like you just offered him a free ticket to see Scorpions live. "Even better, I'll trade you." Billy twisted himself to reach into the backseat, retrieving a bag slightly bigger than your baggie full of baked  treats. There was no label or logo on it. No hint to what might be inside (Billy probably did that on purpose). "Deal?"

"Deal!" 

The trade-off was quick, and far from smooth. Billy's bag was launched at you, freeing his hands so he could go for the goody bag. It smacked into your face with a soft thud, then fell into your lap. Whatever it was didn't have much weight at all. Your fingers were shaking, overflowing with excitement as you peeled the bag open and peeked inside. 

"Oh…my…GOSH!!" 

The bag was tipped upside down, dumping your newfound treasure out of the bag so you could examine it fully. You already saw a glimpse of the image when you looked into the bag, but you wanted to be sure. It was exactly what you thought. A 'Nightmare on Elm Street' apron. How in the hell do you even find something like this?! A high pitched squeal rose out of you like a tea kettle as you held it up. "I love it!! Where'd you even find this?" 

"I know some people." Pride was oozing out of him. Manifesting itself in a confident, sexy smile. It was a shot in the dark, since he went off of your impressive horror movie collection. The Shining, Friday The 13th, Poltergeist, Children of The Corn…the tapes were stacked pretty high. What stuck out the most was Nightmare on Elm Street. The VHS cover was obviously handled frequently. The corners even looked chewed, as if you gnawed on it while you watched. Engrossed in the hair-raising fictional narrative. He only caught one glimpse of it, but clearly it was something you took a big interest in. No cheap bouquet of flowers or flimsy chain would have brought this much light to your features. 

"Well now my gift seems kinda silly." 

"They go hand in hand." His words were slightly muffled by a mouthful of sugary cookie and melted chocolate. His jaw flexed and moved as he chewed, pulling your attention to his jawline and bare neck. A fresh canvas you wanted to color with deep reds and purples. After swallowing down the first bite of his treat, he went on. "You need this to make more of these, right?" He gestured with the cookie, trying to make his point without dropping any crumbs on his precious seats. 

"Yeah, heh, I guess you're right." 

You were only halfway paying attention to the actual words coming out of his mouth. The majority of your attention was on his lips. The natural red tint, and the memory of how they felt against yours. Most of all, the one stubborn crumb that was clinging to his bottom lip. Begging for you to do exactly what you ended up doing. Brushing your thumb across the surface, and then bringing that thumb to your own mouth. Tasting the remnants of sweetness.

The foundation of Billy's resolve was crumbling. Collapsing under the heavy need to just do. Scratch that itch, and go for it. Flirting and fucking was nothing new to him. It was a game he almost had no difficulty winning on a regular basis. This was a different game altogether. With higher stakes. A bigger challenge. The reward? Well… the thought of that ring was terrifying, but not off-putting. 

So he took a chance and said 'fuck it'. Chasing after the contact that left his lips feeling cold and unoccupied. Swallowing your surprised gasp at the sudden movement, until you were moving right along with him. Waves crashing on your shore, and you molded under his touch like wet sand. Immediately giving him access when his tongue slipped fluidly between your lips. Your fingers closed tightly around the collar of his shirt, pulling him in as close as he could get. He wasn't getting away from you this time. 

Deeper, falling into the heat rising in his chest. He wanted to lift you over the obstruction between you two and into his lap. To grind up into you so closely he could feel your heartbeat through the soft fleshy junction between your thighs. Sink his teeth into your shoulder and groan desperately into your skin because he's aching to fill you with every throbbing inch of his cock. 

"Billy…" You carry his name on a whisper, catching your breath. "Do you…-" 

The sounds of Foreigner on the radio  snuck through the beat of silence. Slicing through the stifling physical tension. It was so cliché it made both of you laugh a bit. 

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me (hey)

"Dance with me." The request came out with a smile, surprising yourself when you thought of it. You were pulling the latch on the door before he could even give you his reply. "Come on!" 

Reluctantly, he got out with you but stayed close to his side of the vehicle. "I'm way too stiff for this." He meant that in more ways than one. Trying to subtly adjust himself while his lower half was hidden from view. "But if you wanna put on a show, I won't stop you." 

"Bull. I've seen you on the court." You made your way closer to him, swaying your hips along to the music playing through the car's windows. "You've got moves." 

How many rules did he plan on breaking tonight? There was nobody else here to snicker at him, or give him shit for it. Nobody would see it. You would see it. For all he knows, you could switch up on him. See behind his walls and tell the town what a bitch the 'big bad Billy' really is. 

"You're just like your fucking mother, I swear! You already dress like her. You a little bitch like her too? Crying like I hurt you that bad. Man up!!" 

Those weren't her words.. they were his. Neil wasn't the one holding his hand out, waiting for just the barest hint of intimacy. Billy allowed himself to lock eyes with you, catching how the stars sparkled in their reflection. If he soaked up the sun, then you soaked up the moon. Calling him closer step by step, till he was pressed against you. Hand in hand in front of his Camaro. 

I wanna know what love is

(Love that you feel inside)

I want you to show me

(I'm feeling so much love)

I wanna feel what love is

(And you know, you just can't hide)

I know you can show me

Your arms rested over his shoulders, locking your fingers at the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around you, letting his hands join once again at the base of your spine (it was slowly becoming his favorite way to hold you). The music led you both in a slow sway, barely a two step, but enough to feel just right. No effort needed on either part. Billy was impressively smooth, stirring your hips on occasion when the music swept him up, then stopping the second he realized what he was doing. Not quite ready to be that exposed. You didn't call him on it, but you definitely planned on bringing that out another time. On slowly but surely, bringing him out. The pieces he tucked away. 

As you went to say something, you felt his index finger curl under your chin. Tilting you up into another kiss. He couldn't think of the words to explain the feelings he was currently swimming in. It almost hurt, how good it felt. Like stitches sewing and closing his open wounds. Stealing the breath right out of him, so his response was to borrow some of yours. Hoping on some kind of wavelength, you would understand. 

You did. And you gave it right back to him. A silent exchange that rang loud and clear between the two of you. After tonight, this thing you had going was more than just a one-off. More than a distraction. 

It was impossible to deny it now. You were falling. Falling fast. And Billy was more than willing to catch you.

♡ A/N: I'm a hopeless romantic, if you can't tell haha. I'm most likely not gonna write a part 3, because I actually have an idea for a fic series based kind of around this. But I hope you enjoyed this! Part 1 really blew up, and I'm happy so many people love Billy fluff as much as I do. ♡ Reblogs and feedback are always appreciated. ~

Masterlist, Ao3

Taglist: @smutlandia @henrycavillsslut @iamwarrenspeace @honeycovered-bandaids @thisispurpleyam

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x you #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove fluff

[abybweisse]

Ch206, Any chance of outside help?

⚠️ Long post ⚠️

I'll look at three things here:

Might a reaper help Snake?

Might someone from another assignment help?

In the event of no outside assistance

Last night I had dreams about this, and when I woke up I had to recall what I'd considered and needed to research. Mainly about question two.

1. Might a reaper help Snake?

I doubt it, but it could be possible. We haven't seen any obvious reapers during this assignment with Finny and Snake, but there could be one there... trying to figure out if there is a bizarre doll at the orphanage. It would be horribly sneaky if there is a reaper there who hasn't made themselves known to the readers.

Just now, I realized why there probably isn't one already stationed there: the children are being bled out and killed off-site, then their bodies and blood are being returned to the orphanage for further processing. That means reapers are collecting souls somewhere other than the orphanage... if Undertaker isn't collecting the souls before reapers can get wherever.

And we don't even know what tipped off the reaper organization there was a bizarre doll at the sanatorium; how did they know to send Ronald there? People weren't expected to die there, except perhaps the two men that Baldo shoots. Ronald seems to be aware that Baldo will be saved by Ada and Lau. At one point Ronald says he was investigating the place for a bizarre doll, but he doesn't say why one was suspected of being on-site.

We also have to keep in mind that these assignments are largely overlapping, meaning that Ronald and William are presumably fighting Layla/Al around the same time that Finny and Snake are dealing with the staff and Doll underground. If Othello hasn't yet received Layla/Al to examine, then he won't yet know what to look for in Norfolk or elsewhere. So, if Grelle and Othello show up to collect from Snake, will they know to fight Doll?

Even if they recognize Doll as a bizarre doll, it doesn't mean they would choose to save Snake. We haven't seen a shinigami pass yet, and I'd love to see one, but I won't hold my breath for that. The only scenario I can see for them saving Snake is if they get an emergency "call" to go to the orphanage, since an unexpected death has just been reported. They realize the killer must not be human (anymore, at least), helping to explain why the death was not intended to happen -- why they just now found out, instead of having it predetermined or predicted. Given the strange circumstances, as well as Snake's uniqueness, they might argue against collecting his soul.

That's a total long shot.

2. Might someone from another assignment help?

I woke up trying to remember what I needed to look at, from my dreams. I needed to look at a map of English counties, so I could look at Yorkshire, Wiltshire, Norfolk, and East Sussex (where Brighton is located).

There are four parts of Yorkshire, and I don't know where Heathfield Manor is located. I want to say North Yorkshire, since some of the largest heather (heath) moors are located there.

Then we have Norfolk, where the orphanage is located, much farther south, along the eastern coastline. Wiltshire, where the sanatorium is situated, is farther south and way off to the west. East Sussex, home to Brighton and that resort hotel, is back east and along the southern coast.

We never saw our earl and Sebastian explain where everyone is to meet up again after they have completed their assignments, did we? I don't think so. I've been under the assumption that our earl would stay where he is, in Brighton, waiting for the others to come to him and report. But this might not be the case. It's unlikely any of the other pairs would end up passing through Norfolk, let along intending to meet there. So, I'd be a bit shocked if Mey-Rin and Ran-Mao took any route through there on their way back towards London or Brighton. Besides, they might be at a loss to help Snake. Whom Snake needs is Ada... and she's very busy.

In fact, Wiltshire left us on a cliffhanger, since Lau offers an escape to China, and the others (including Baldo) seem interested, but we have yet to actually see them escape from the sanatorium before Polaris shows up, investigating the missing blood shipment. We could still see deaths there before anyone can get out to make a report... if they even plan to make a report. Honestly, I expect Baldo, if he lives, to ultimately decline the offer to go to China, as he still feels a sense of duty to our earl and Sebastian.

Our earl and Sebastian are unlikely to head towards Norfolk, so unless Sebastian uses his powers to detect something is wrong, demon-travel his way there, save Snake, and get back to Brighton for tea time, even he is unlikely to save Snake. In fact, with Brighton so close (across the channel) to France, they are more likely to go there than they are higher north.

In the event of no outside assistance

As rough as it sounds, Snake's best chance is for Doll to be so upset over cutting him that she lets the top students and Finny attempt to save him. But how would they?

Oliver is probably the best at embroidery and sewing, so if they have anything to serve as string and needle, he'd probably be the best choice for stitching the wounds... if he can see and get to where he needs to sew. Martial arts training might also give him some clue on where to apply pressure to slow the loss of blood.

Theo would probably be the one who has read any medical books, possibly including works on human anatomy and surgical techniques. So, he would instruct Oliver what to do.

Artie might have decent knowledge about proper cleanliness for the procedure.

I'm not sure what Mabel would do, unless she also knows something about applying pressure to stop the bleeding.

As someone else (sorry, I forgot who mentioned it) pointed out earlier, at least one of his snakes might have the sort of venom that could help stop the bleeding at the wound site. That would be very risky, though, since the venom could spread to areas where it's not needed and could cause more damage.

Doll or Finny might suggest setting Snake up to receive blood transfusions, but then one or both should recall that Snake and Finny were initially turned away from the orphanage because their blood types didn't match any of the four blood types in the system. Snake cannot safely receive blood transfusions because they don't know what kind of blood he needs, and they likely don't have it anyway. This is a big clue early in the assignment that not only is Finny's blood permanently affected from the old drug tests... but that Snake probably really isn't quite human. Some hybrid, I suppose. Either that or he was born human but also got stuck in some experiment that permanently changed his body, perhaps altering his DNA, which determines the type of blood he has, as well as the antibodies in his blood that would attack foreign red blood cells. Even if they manage to patch him up, he might not make it, due to a lack of blood.

It's truly not looking good for Snake. I hope his snakes help to avenge him. I hope Emily gets to show her loyalty to Snake by finally turning on Doll....

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #ch206 #snake #snake's snakes #doll #finny #finnian #mabel #oliver #artie #theo #theodore #emily #assignments #reapers #grim reapers #ronald knox #william t spears #william t. spears #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #othello #norfolk #wiltshire #north yorkshire #yorkshire #brighton #east sussex #nov 20 2023

[chasing-chimeras]

Preview of Chapter 19 of Green Zone - "Woven Into the Lives of Others"

below the cut

Liam’s lips are on him. Liam’s lips are always on him these days. On his neck, his collarbone, his left ear, his hands, his hip, his stomach. Liam blankets him in kisses; chapped lips against his skin. He leaves spots of dampness in his wake, which Theo dutifully pretends to be irritated by. The truth is that he could be drowning in Liam and he’d never come up for air.

That should terrify you.

“Let me?” Liam pulls Theo down from the heights of his dangerous delight with hands on his waist, thumb prodding at the button of Theo’s jeans.

“We talked about it,” Theo says without elaboration. They did. Sort of. It was more like Liam badgered him with endless attempts to get into his pants and Theo finally conjured up a rational explanation as to why he's hesitant. Not a true reason, but one that would make sense to any normal person.

Liam's not normal, so the lesson hasn't really stuck.

“Theo, I’m dying,” Liam whimpered and pressed his hips into Theo’s torso as the older boy placed a kiss right above his bellybutton.

“What happened to ‘waiting never killed anyone’?” Theo referenced back to their conversation between the pallets.

“You can wait as long as you want.” Liam’s tone fell to a flat sincerity that felt so alien in the darkness and sluggish heat cradling their bodies. “I just want to know why? It’s not like I can get you pregnant,” Liam complained, immediately earning a derisive sneer in return.

“There are a lot of assumptions in that sentence,” he spat back, trying to conceal the flattered heat in his cheeks. Luckily, it was Liam, so he was overwhelmed by his own disordered anxieties.

“I don’t know how any of this works!” Liam complained, hoarsely, dropping his forehead to Theo’s stomach.

“I don’t know Liam, but I’m pretty sure you don’t volunteer the other guy to take it up the ass.”

“You’ve been gay for a week and you’re suddenly an expert?”

Theo had raised his brows in response, holding back a smile.

“I could just…you know?” Liam lifted his head and followed up with the most grotesque and excruciatingly humiliating miming of what he wanted to do to Theo, and that’s not even mentioning his poor technique.

“I want to wait.”

“Okay.” Liam dropped his pushing, affecting indifference, but Theo could feel the disappointment rolling off of him.

“It’s just not safe,” Theo lied in attempt to console him. It wasn’t. Not for the usual reasons, but because of what Theo might do to Liam; how he might see him in the aftermath of an act which has never been anything but pleasurable friction and release for him. How could he be certain that the consuming pull, magnetic and tortured, wouldn’t be diminished if he and Liam were to go to that sickeningly casual place together? Nothing with Liam has been casual.

“I’m a virgin,” Liam pathetically reminded Theo. He was no longer pushing, having accepted Theo’s rejection and crawled back up to lay beside him. “I don’t have anything. Is…” He froze, realizing the degradingly invasive nature of his question.

“I’ve always used condoms,” Theo said, erasing that fear before it could take root in Liam’s imagination. “I’m pretty sure that I’m good on that front. But you never know, I guess.” It was as good enough a reason as any. And Theo would rather Liam think he’s partial to a healthy over-caution, rather than knowing that he’s terrified of sex that wouldn’t be just sex.

“Is…” Liam paused to think, but typical to his nature, didn’t think hard enough to reel back his sincerity. “Is it bad that I kind of don’t care?”

“Jesus Chr—yes, Liam! Yes, that’s very bad. Didn’t you have like a health class in school or something? What is wrong with you?”

Liam shrugged. “There are zombies outside. I feel like there are bigger things to worry about than STDs.”

“Even the kind that slowly rots your brain over decades?”

“That exists?” Liam’s eyes widened and his lips parted in dismay.

Theo shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Better to play it safe.”

That reignited Liam’s fire to fight and he set his jaw, staring into Theo’s eyes with grave solemnity. “If I get bitten by a zombie and die a virgin, I’ll have rotting brains anyway. Would you have sex with me then?”

Theo rolled his eyes. “Sure Liam. If you get bit, I’ll sleep with you in your final moments.”

“Really?” Liam sounded almost touched.

“I’m gonna kill you myself.”

#green zone #it's been a month since the last update so i figured i'd drop a little excerpt

[sightkeeper]

hey! first off, js wanna say that i LOVE your art and style, and having just binged chosen faces for the first time, I am. smitten.

and so I had to ask you this question- feel free to ignore it if it somehow has spoilers - but ik that you don't plan to cover s2 apart from short scenes that spark your interest, but do you think your aziraphale would've made the same... decision that he made in canon? towards the end?

also can he take metatron in a fight :D pls say yes :D

Oh man oh man, this one really made me think! I don't think answering this is spoilers in any way, as we already know I'm following S1 canon (even if you don't know what changes to events I've yet to make). So the question is whether or not Chosen Face!Aziraphale would have accepted the Metatron's offer, and tried to convince Crowley to join him and become an angel again. Granted, as of now, we do not know the full story of why TV Aziraphale reacted the way he did. We didn't even get to truly see the conversation he had with the Metatron on the offer, only what he tells Crowley. And I don't trust him to be a reliable narrator. Let alone that we never see him say 'yes'. He just says 'I don't know what to say.'

There's a lot of really interesting theories about the new season and why characters act the way they do, but for the purpose of this ask I'm going to go with the assumption that everything we saw on screen is accurate, without anything happening in the background or death threats or spiked coffees to explain their actions. And to this end, I'm going to bring up these past two responses to Q&As:

Because I started this comic pre-S2, I have their very first meeting being on the wall of Eden. CF!Aziraphale never met angel Crowley. He has no assumptions of how happy Crowley was prior to Falling.

TV!Aziraphale is complex and fallible, which is why I love him, but he also has shown that when faced with the ultimatum of running or facing the threat, he'd sacrifice his own happiness for what he felt was right (the bandstand). The end of S2E6 felt much the same to me in this. The Metatron is obviously manipulative, and Aziraphale has a lot more growing to do (as does Crowley, whose response was again to run off together), but at his core Aziraphale wants to do good. It's just whose definition of 'good' and to what end that he wibbles over. Would CF!Aziraphale react the same? Well, kinda no, but also unfortunately yes. I'm so sorry. I don't think the setup could have been the same. CF!Aziraphale doesn't harbor any notion of Heaven being purely good, and hasn't for a good while. But he does want to believe that God has a plan, and that if he can figure out that plan, he can win the game. By this I mean, Aziraphale's initial goals were to be on the "right/winning" side of the game, so he joined the angels as a tactical advantage. But as he grew to love earth and genuinely wanting to be kind, winning the game meant less of being a "victor", and more "If I figure out the game plan, I can subvert it if need be." He doesn't know what the plan is. But he does think the Metatron would know. So an opportunity to infiltrate their ranks and be able to make real structural changes that wouldn't break reality? Yeah, I could see him taking it. And since giving Crowley the holy water, Aziraphale has trusted Crowley to keep himself safe even when he's not around.

howling screaming slashing at the walls

As for whether or not he'd still present the question to Crowley, I think he would (but without the implication of how nice it was back then). He'd present the option only because it is an option, and he wouldn't want to take away Crowley's ability to choose that fate for himself. After all, he chose to be an angel and found a home in that identity. He'd want to offer Crowley that same courtesy, if that's actually what he wanted.

He doesn't want to control Crowley and make decisions for him. And if Crowley's decision means they have to separate for a time until he can figure out The Plan? He'll be heartbroken but he'll accept it.

Okay but the real answer you're looking for: could CF!Aziraphale take on the Metatron and win?

YOU FUCKIN' BETCHA THAT FLOATING HEAD IS GOING DOWN

#Ran Writes #asks #anonymous #chosen faces au #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #this has just been stewing in my head all morning I cannot rest #why are you like this aziraphale I adore you but what the FUCK #let alone that I just don't have the stamina to try to cover S2 in fully rendered comic pages like I'm doing for S1 #I cannot handle the heartbreak 2.0 and CF is having a happy ending goddammit

[blackjackkent]

OK, took a long rest before resuming Hector's adventures; a couple of interesting camp developments:

First of all, there was no cutscene, but when we woke up, Jaheira announced, apropos of nothing that I could discern, "Turned to mist. The spawn share in some portion of their master's power."

I'm not sure what to make of this. Was there a cutscene that got bugged out? Or am I supposed to interpret this to mean that Cazador's people were hanging around our camp and got spooked by the sun rising? Perplexing.

Second, I just noticed that Volo hasn't been around since Act 3 started, and apparently he left a note!

LOL. I'm not surprised he finally bailed. All he ever wanted to talk to me about whenever I tried to interact with him was his ocular surgery plan, which Hector was never going to go for. I guess this means we'll run into him again somewhere in the city though.

Third, a brief dialogue option with Jaheira. Hector said, "You mentioned there might be another way to find Minsc," and she answered, "There might be, but... it is not a path I'd tread until we must. Let it wait until the city proper. Perhaps I'll have had a better idea by then."

Apparently my assumption that we were in the city once we got past that first watcher at the gate was incorrect. Sadly this also seems to mean we can't immediately boot finding Minsc to the top of the priority pile since I don't yet know where the entrance to the "city proper" even is yet.

Fourth, a VERY interesting conversation with Astarion:

Hector: "I want to discuss the Astral-Touched Tadpole."

Astarion: "We both know what it is capable of. But I'm not touching it."

Hector, more than a little surprised by this: "Unlike you to be so unwilling to receive a new power..."

Astarion: "That was before I knew the cost. Before I knew it meant transforming into some grotesque beast. I remember how it hurt when I turned into a vampire. My body writhed and warped while I was utterly helpless, the grip of death owned my heart as it beat its last. I-- I don't want to turn into anything else. I can't do that again. I can't watch my body be taken over."

He looked, and sounded, SO incredibly upset, the poor guy. :(

Hector, to be honest, was more than a little relieved because he has considered Astarion the most likely to want to indulge in the illithid powers (and control the elder brain, later) no matter the cost. But he also feels terrible for having gotten him so upset, and of course quickly backed off. "All right, I will speak no more on the matter."

"I had nothing for so long. Nothing. Not even my own body. I will *not* give it up, now it's mine again."

Poor guy. :(

Also had a quick chat with Wyll about Stelmane. He doesn't believe that she was actually willing partners with the Emperor, just that it must have made her an offer she couldn't refuse. He also mentioned having met Stelmane twice; that she was lively and beautiful when he first met her as a boy, but weaker and struggling when he met her later. He said his father explained it as her having suffered a stroke. Hector had enough insight to gauge that Wyll questioned this story somewhat, but not enough persuasion to pursue the discussion any further right now. So we'll tuck that away for later.

Finally, Gale had an exclamation mark over his head. According to the dialogue history screen, he had a whole speech here: "So the devil himself is pursuing the Crown. As for whether it's truly the Crown Karsus forged? Well, I think it's safe to assume we shouldn't take anything Raphael utters at face value. We *must* claim the Crown of Karsus for ourselves, before anyone else does."

Which is a perfectly reasonable bit of dialogue, but the speech glitched out and so all that happened when I clicked on him was that he stared directly at Hector and snapped, "We *must* claim the Crown of Karsus for ourselves, before anyone else does!" without any other context. Which was pretty funny. XD

Anyway, back to city explorations!

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle

[sapphire-dicson-official]

[ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE THINKINGS]

oooooo boi, do I have thoughts about spiderverse.

like oh my GAWD

okay, so, first I wanna talk about Miguel's ideology with cannon events and how breaking them is "bad"

we see, some evidence in the movie that would indicate he is correct about this assumption, however there is also big damming evidence that this assumption is VERY FUCKING WRONG.

I'll first address the shown evidence that indicates any semblance of truth to Miguel's fears. First, we meet Pav, great introduction, action sequence, stopping death and most destruction, and Miles stops the one death that is "supposed" to happen: the death of Captain Singh. Nearly immediately after the day is saved, we see the fabric of Mumbattan start to break a little bit. So, we have a case of cause and effect right? cause: "cannon event" didn't happen, effect: reality does a fucky wucky and splits like a banana.

I don't think it is, and here's why: before Captain Singh's life was ever in danger, we had the event of Spot activating the Mumbattan collider. Remember what happened in into the spiderverse when a collider was activated? reality started getting REALLY fucked. I think the reaction of spot activating and interacting with the collider was the cause for the sudden rip in reality to open up. It's a deceptive clue hidden by the writers, at least in my opinion.

okay, if not the cannon event of Captain Singh's death, then what about Miguel's backstory?

I don't doubt for a minute that Miguel believes he caused the destruction of an entire world because he interacted with it too much. That is what he BELIEVES happened. That doesn't mean there weren't other causes that led to the webs of a world to disappear and break. I honestly don't think we've seen enough of Miguel's time in that world to use it as evidence that he's right. Spiderman, ANY spiderman, can't see everything that's going on all the time. there could have been things afoot that he didn't discover before the collapse.

So now, what evidence do we have that Miguel is wrong?

Miles 1610 and Miles 42. The existence of both of these characters and the worlds they inhabit still existing is proof that Miguel can't possibly be right. Don't follow?

Let me explain.

Miles from earth 1610 was never supposed to get bit by the spider, therefore every single action Miles makes as spiderman is a "non-cannon event" and yet earth 1610 has been stable from the moment the collider was shut down in the first movie. If any characters from different spiders' worlds made it into 1610 there would have been some indication of it mentioned to plant clues for the next movie, it would be foolish not to. Miguel is only meant to appear right, it's how it's written and how Miguel presents it to the other spiders.

And earth 42 with Miles 42? He was supposed to get bit, he didn't and now he's the Prowler of earth 42. If we assume that every action Miles 1610 does as spiderman is a "non-cannon event", we must also assume that every action Miles 42 does as the Prowler is also a "non-cannon event". World 42 still exists, and still hasn't seen hide nor hair of and reality ripping since the collider incident.

There is something else causing the rips and tears, and there's evidence that it's the colliders and the Spot.

now I'd be remiss if I neglected to mention the beloved Hobie Brown. A lot of my evidence is getting pulled from This video here a character analysis of SpiderPunk and his depth in the 5 minutes of screen time he has (great video, watch if you have the time).

In his 5 minutes of screen time Hobie plants seeds of doubt for both Miles and the audience. He acts as the writers' hands to get us to question what's really going on in the Spider Society before we realize what's wrong. Hobie recognizes the patterns of fascism in the society and the autocracy in Miguel and actively works to combat it. He secures tech to make a watch so anyone can world hop even if they aren't in the spider society, he tells miles how to break barriers so miles can escape and break barriers between himself and other spiders, Hobie warns Miles to really understand what he's signing up for before fully committing to it, and he congratulates Miles when Miles saves Captain Singh fully knowing it's an event that's supposed to happen according to Miguel.

By the end of the movie we know Hobie is solidly a good guy, we know because he gives Gwen the watch to allow her to find Miles. this watch frees Gwen from the grips of the Spider Society, provides a means of communication, and a means of traveling where ever the good spiders need to go. Because we know that Hobie is a good guy, a hero we're meant to root for, we know that he can't oppose Miguel's ideology if any point in Miguel's argument were true or could be justified, even if Miguel doesn't know he's wrong.

The other thing I want to talk about here is Miguel's idea that Spiderman isn't Spiderman without having the trauma of losing someone important to them. Nicque Marina made an excellent video discussing her thoughts on this concept and how bullshit it is, and I very much agree with her.

The idea that we need Trauma/abuse to make us stronger has been a concept that has held our society, not just the Spider Society, for far too long, and it also isn't true. We see it in the movie with Miles 42, instead of becoming the hero he was "supposed" to be after the death of his dad, he became a very bitter angsty teenager. Having trauma from abuse or tragic events doesn't automatically make them a good person, there are plenty of serial killers and villains with traumatic backstories and pasts who prove this wrong.

If trauma doesn't make a Spiderman, then what does? The decision to not standby as there are problems only a Spiderman can handle actively happening. Spiderman doesn't need a death, they don't need the "great power, great responsibility" speech from their Uncle Ben or their stories' equivalent of him. What makes Spiderman a Spiderman as well as a hero is the realization, acceptance, and actions of knowing they have the power to do something so people don't suffer or die.

With that said, you can make a good argument that when the spiders join the Spider Society they stop being the spiderman they once were because they ignore one death that they can prevent. Heroes are not meant to look at something they know is bad, they know is suffering, and turn the other way to let it happen. As the lead of the Spider Society, Miguel actively and vehemently insists on the spiders knowing a death will happen and ignoring it. It's safe to say that in Miguel's pursuing of what he think's is right, he's forgotten what it means to be Spiderman, he has lost who he was.

TL;DR : Miguel is wrong about cannon events and the idea that you need to have trauma to be spiderman.

#across the spiderverse #spiderverse spoilers #miscellaneous thoughts #miguel o'hara #hobie brown #miles morales #pavitr prabhakar #Captain Singh #theory #atsv the spot

[symphonyofsilence]

i feel like post resurrection wwx just keeps running away from everything and it's kind of frustrating

Exactly!

And he would so like what he's doing to be "moving on" and "forgetting it" because "It's all in the past". Except that he wakes up after 13/16 years of death, and he doesn't even spend a minute to digest all that's happened in the past. He doesn't shed a single tear over JYL, WQ, WN (as far as he knows at that time), his relationship with JC, or himself. He doesn't even think about how he died we only hear about it when he says to WN that JC wasn't the one who killed him. And he clearly hasn't moved on since he keeps avoiding JC like the plague but we get the whole story of the past via WWX seeing someone breathe and thinking "Ah we used to breathe together with Jiang Cheng when we were together..." *start of the flashback*. Everything reminds him of LP and the Jiangs. He even says he goes back to LP in his dreams. In the extras, he asks after JC & JL from the Juniors and he wants to ask more but he stops himself (if only he could...you know...go to see them.) The way he immediately turns away from JC before JC can say anything after WWX thanks him for his flute after the Guanyin Temple is very much not like someone who has moved on. And I believe his happiness will never be complete without LP. (As he says it himself. And is obvious by how thrilled he is when he finally gets to go back to LP and excitedly shows LWJ around)

And I would totally get it if at that time right after he got resurrected he was too exhausted to face it all and processing all these things together would have taken too much, but the thing is, in the case of Jiang Cheng it was not for WWX to decide whether they had that talk or not. He was not the one who's been wronged. JC was the victim & WWX was the culprit. JC had every right to be furious. WWX had some explaining to do. Instead, he talked back to JC without showing an ounce of remorse (at least for what he said to JL earlier if not for the whole thing that happened 13 years ago) and antagonized JC who frankly was being much, much more lenient than anyone else would have been in his situation, and just wanted his questions answered and was actually asking WWX why he didn't come to LP after his resurrection.

WWX didn't get any closure about anything. And even when he could get some closure when he was literally being held hostage and JC, crying on the floor and withstanding LWJ's pushes against his wound (that he took protecting Wangxian) finally succeeded in talking to him and getting the closure that WWX intended to withhold from him because again, he liked to run away even then, WWX didn't actually listen to JC and didn't spend any second to try to understand him. His mind was still running away from that conversation. He had the assumption that JC hated him and no words and no evidence to the contrary would convince him otherwise because that would require processing new data that WWX was not ready for.

It would have been fine if he postponed facing things and took things at his own pace as long as "his own pace" wasn't bottling up everything until the resentment in him backfired and killed him/he threw himself off a cliff. But alas he doesn't really show any sign of change after the time skip even in the extras, and as long as he was the one who had to decide about sorting the matters out and others (his victims) weren't being harmed by his running away. But he keeps running away not just from a complicated past but from the people he's harmed & from the consequences of his actions and it IS very infuriating!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs #wei wuxian #asks

[lakesbian]

Sorry, I’m the one who asked the awakening question. You posted some thoughts about the start of 1.7 a couple of days ago, so figured you had finished the chapter by this point. Again, sorry about that, I’ll be more careful in the future.

ohh fair assumption. yeah i didn't think he was gonna do it that soon i thought he was going to get into some more silly shenanigans with the gang (rose) first. and also i am the slowest reader on the planet at times due to comical amounts of executive dysfunction and propensity for distraction. it's no prablem. anyway here's my thoughts about their different metaphorical assignments 2 the items as per requast:

the dagger: "war" is an obvious and common concept 2 ascribe to weaponry, nothing much interesting to note about this one. if i really wanted to read into it i could suggest that they went for "war" instead of "murder" or whatever because war/mass-scale conflict is already on the mind due to they sort of just got dropped into the middle of of a magical battlefield + have nukes to cold war w/ on hand.

hourglass: to quote blake, "Something we didn’t have enough of, something dangerous, foremost in our thoughts, with its association to Laird."

dreamcatcher: blake picks like. the most basic-level interpretation possible (dream), whereas rose's "fate" read indicates that fate has already been smth on her mind. i'm not great at reading into rose yet but there is the whole thing where blake actually has a life outside of The Horrors, despite still being fated to experience 'em, but rose exists pretty solely because of The Horrors. i think she's feeling the pressure of fate much more than blake is + is more concerned w/ the future overall than him and subsequently brings it up here

skull: "doom" from blake and "death" from rose are largely synonymous but i Can get something out of this. i've mentioned before that i don't think blake has fully processed the consequences for a misstep--he's aware of them, but he hasn't genuinely processed them imo. he's very "one step at a time" about everything and very prone to making hasty decisions when he feels trapped, immobile, or like he's not doing anything, and he explicitly counts "sitting down and researching" as "not doing anything." every time he wants to make a rapid decision--or just goes ahead w/ one w/o rose's consent--she's the one to express outright fear of death*, whereas he's more concerned with reducing his immediate psychological stressors (i.e feeling immobile). i think this indicates that he's thinking in significantly vaguer terms (i.e "doom") whereas she's extremely concerned about concrete possible outcomes (like Literally Dying if blake runs off and gets himself killed).

*i think death will probably seem like one of the more pleasant things that could've happened to them later on but i digress

coin: this one is p straightforward. while they obviously both have the same shitty family, blake is a man who subsequently didn't actively fight for the inheritance as a child, so he already doesn't have the same negative association w money rose does. in addition to that, he already absconded from his family when he was 17, and after time spent being homeless + being in very poor financial shape even after he gets an apartment, he associates the idea of money significantly more with positive emotions and good luck than with the inheritance. rose, however, never left home like blake did + was a girl who was expected to fight for it. she witnessed firsthand everything the promise of the money did to the family. hence: blake associates money w/ fortune, rose associates it with ruin.

rose: this one is. exceedingly straightforward, to blake a rose means his grandmother + rose (family), to rose a rose means herself. adding this one to my brain soup alongside padraic's rose metaphor and stirring but i'll need more data points to write anything coherent. I Am Remembering though.

also someone wanted to know my thoughts on maggie so far. i don't really know anything abt her i only saw her for 2 seconds but i think it's so fucking funny that wildbow made Her the part of pact that gets referenced in worm and not blake. like blake is so sopping pathetic that despite being the protagonist he doesn't even get a feature when his own damn book is being easter-egged somewhere else. sorry blake you're just not personable enough. maggie is all plucky and charming and says things like "drat." all you do is stumble around cursing and bleeding. you don't have being a YA protagonist in you.

#ask #pact time

[evilwickedme]

so @briefcasejuice asked me a question about my two blorbos which I thought was interesting:

gail i'm asking abt a concept: murderdock x wade? what's that like? would it work? both like in terms of personal preference of the kind of person that should be dating either character or in the literary sense where it would make a good story and analyse their characters pretty well

and I asked her permission to post my reply and she said it was fine so here are my personal thoughts on deadpool/murderdock

so basic hurdles aside we're assuming there's a Deadpool that's pretty much identical to our Deadpool in earth 65 which is a lot to assume, but a supplanted Murderdock into 616 would be a shock to Murderdock's system that's unparalleled so that's the safer assumption. even though the wolverine situation is far from identical weapon X still happened, deadpool exists with his healing factor, and I guess in my mind in a low super world he hasn't really had the opportunities to improve as a person the way he has in 616 so he's still pretty morally bankrupt

now, could Wade find Murderdock attractive? 100%, Murderdock is actually his type. while early dp goes for the occasional heroine, modern Deadpool (post 2012) usually goes for people who are dangerous, can cut him in half, or both. would Murderdock be attracted to wade? debatable. in canon Murderdock only shows attraction to one character - that universe's version of silk - and that's in one kiss that is never brought up again. honestly, I think main canon Murderdock is either asexual or has such intense amounts of trauma that he finds the idea of trusting someone (with his body or with his heart) incredibly unappealing

however! that, in itself, could be something appealing about wade. Imagine a fwb scenario. they run into each other on a job and Murderdock finds the body in front of him simultaneously disgusting and interesting, so he just touches, and wade pulls back because consent, but Murderdock liked what he touched so he propositions him. Wade isn't trustworthy, so matt doesn't bother to trust. this is about bodily needs only. And yeah Wade is funny but more importantly he can hire wade to kill his enemies, no problem. AND Murderdock doesn't have to worry about Wade dying because of his powers

(gabbie replied to this by saying "not friends but there are benefits type thing?" which was too funny not to include I'm sorry)

anyway the thing is Wade is flaky as fuck so I imagine it wouldn't end in a break up as much as just... an unintentional ghosting? and Murderdock wouldn't have gotten attached in the first place so he'd be like. okay. and hire Deadpool again next time he's in town

but that's just one man's opinion (mine)!! if any of my beloved murderdock mutuals has a different take on this (so far non-existent) rarepair I'd love to hear it!!!

#murderdock #matt murderdock #deadpool #wade wilson #dp #marvel comics #marvel #deaddevil #sort of #matt murdock/wade wilson #that's more accurate #earth 65 #gail speaks #gabbie

[the-parentheticals]

"it can't be helped," from the scum who can't be helped

Warnings: mugging, brief thoughts about s/a but none actually happens

Summary: Koemi doesn't want to see her brother again. She never has. She never will.

Note: For @badthingshappenbingo, Banished / Cringetober day 15, song lyrics. Yes, this is based on The Purge March.

read on ao3

It's almost a blessing when Kiyoshi Nishimoto disappears the week before his eighteenth birthday.

She doesn't like him. She hasn't liked him in years. She hasn't liked anyone in this household for years, really, except for perhaps the goldfish.

Koemi's not an idiot. She knows what he was doing, despite their parents' best attempts to pretend otherwise. The jewelry that isn't their mother's, the late nights sneaking in, the discreet calls. Honestly, it's better that he left instead of disgracing their family that way when it inevitably came out.

"Good morning, everyone! It's the beginning of another wonderful day!"

Their parents had freaked out. Spewed the vulgarity that they had always warned her against. Her brother had it coming. She hoped he was dead.

"I know that this situation is a tragedy, but we have to stay strong for my dear brother's sake!"

Koemi doesn't quite believe in this one, but it's her duty to say the words anyway.

"We can't let our sadness control us! We have to move on and always remember him!"

As a terrible example, that is.

Her brother does not deserve her forgiveness. She knows what he was really like--not the hero he thought he was, not the good kid her parents thought he was. No, he was nothing less than scum.

---

Three years later, she's seventeen, and she's only further confirmed her belief that everyone else in this family was rotten.

It's not that Kiyoshi's disappearance had done her any favours when starting at high school. They mostly just thought she was weird. Or cursed.

That's the only reason she's walking home alone this late at night. The only one.

She doesn't even move when she feels the knife against her neck. She's grown up to be very pretty, if she says so herself, and she's not even surprised someone's taken an interest.

"You know the drill." The voice is deep and raspy, and she freezes for just a moment. It's a put-on. "Your wallet."

"Or what?"

The knife digs slightly deeper into her skin as answer. Not enough to draw blood, just to make a point.

"As if you could ever lay a finger on your little sister."

The knife pulls a bit, just long enough for a strand of blonde hair to be snipped off. It lies flat against her white sweater for just a moment, before he jerks his arm away and the strand falls to the ground.

She doesn't care for the face of the person in front of her very much, but she supposes she can't stare at her personal belongings forever.

"We're not siblings anymore."

"Of course we are. Unless you kill me now, I suppose, but like I said." She gives a self-assured smile. "You won't."

Kiyoshi looks at her with a characteristic coldness. He's a bit taller now, or maybe it's just his shoes. Not that it really makes a difference, with how short she always has been.

His clothes are surprisingly put-together for someone who's been living who-knows-where. He's still got his suit jacket, vest, and yellow shirt, dirty in a way that their parents would have hated but barely pings on her radar. His hair is messier and covers his right eye just enough that...oh.

"How is your eye?" Koemi smiles. If he won't talk, she'll just have to keep talking. "I suppose whoever caused it is dead now?"

"Why is that your first assumption?"

"I know you, that's why." She clasps her hands together and gives a little hum. He doesn't bother her anymore. Not the way anyone else would. "Pity they didn't take out both."

"My turn to ask the questions. How are our parents, then? Still holding you back?

"You don't know what they've done in three years. For all you know, they've become just like you, and my life's a living hell."

Kiyoshi raises an eyebrow in the way that suggests that he thinks his sister is an utter idiot but doesn't want to admit it just yet.

"They've been doing this for longer than we were alive. You were already in a living hell. But you can--"

"Pity they didn't take out your tongue too." Koemi's smile does not waver, 

Kiyoshi ignores her. "You think your rules will keep you safe from the rest of this world. Our parents, double standards..."

"It's worked, hasn't it?"

"You're just as rotten as the rest of us."

"How?"

"You think I'm scum, don't you?"

Koemi nods.

"Then do something about it."

"I could never." Koemi wrenches her arm away. In another universe, it would actually hurt. "That's the difference between us, brother dear."

"I don't make pitiful excuses for doing what has to be done?"

"I don't make people obey my every whim and call it freedom."

"I don't make them do that. I save them from themselves, Ko. I get them away from all the pain in their lives that results from them holding back against those that really want to hurt them."

"You destroy them from the inside. You make them do all the worst excesses we have good reasons for not doing. You make people live according to your beliefs. You're the worst one here, and you don't even know it. You're doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, categorically, emphatically--" Koemi has to stop, because her face is red, and Mother, Father, would never have believed her if she had said it that way. She breathes in. Breathes out. Next--

"I'm sorry for leaving you with them."

She blinks. It's not true. That's definitely not something Kiyoshi would ever have said.  Her disbelief has to show on her face.

"I am. They shouldn't have been able to influence anyone like that, especially not you."

"You're sorry? I don't care!"

"I know."

"Remember my screams? My cries? My apologies?"

"I know."

"Don't come back to the house. You left me with them. This should be easy for you." She crosses her arms and leans against a lamp post. "And don't even try following me. I'll know."

"You won't. And I won't."

#badthingshappenbingo #cringetober #pari writes real fics #pari's ocs #my stuff

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

prompt: "A, please, everyone sees it but you."

any comics verse 💕💕

"Bruce, please, everyone sees it but you."

Bruce hummed, unconvinced. "As a detective, I'm used to being the only one that sees through the assumptions to the facts," he pointed out.

Tim and Barbara glanced at each other, rolling their eyes in tandem.

Bruce did not appreciate it.

"Then let's look at the facts, shall we?" Barbara posited, a suggestion Bruce would normally be all for, were it not for the actual topic at hand, and which side of the argument she sat on. "Riddler gets freedom and money in large quantities, two things he's always ostensibly been after-"

"'Ostensibly'?" Bruce questioned, but Barabara bulldozed onward.

"-And, instead of amusing himself with all of that money during all of his police-free time, what does he do?"

"He tricks Bruce into going on a date with him," Tim finished.

"It wasn't a date," Bruce explained, again, though he was beginning to feel it was a lost cause.

"He tricks Bruce into going on a date with him," Barbara agreed, as though Bruce hadn't spoken at all, confirming his suspicions. "And it's not like he hasn't had ample time to consider what he might do with a bunch of money and the freedom to use it. He's spent a lot of time in prison. Plenty of time to think."

"Which means he planned that date a long time ago," Tim concluded.

"I think that's a safe assumption," Barbara agreed.

"Haven't I warned you both about assumptions?" Bruce tried, but, again, was ignored.

"You didn't even stay for the date, and he still goes trotting off, risking his life for you, at the mere suggestion of a potential partnership-"

"I was goading him into competition, not offering-"

"-I mean, really, Bruce, at this point you're just in denial!" Barbara claimed, throwing her hands in the air and spinning in the office chair.

"Like, what's it gonna take for you to believe the guy's in love with you?" Tim asked, arms crossed. "He could kiss you straight on the mouth and you'd still think it's some kind of reverse-psychology trick!"

Bruce blanched. How would Tim know about-?!

"No… He didn't!" Tim gasped.

"Oh my god." Barbara's head hit the table. "He really did, didn't he?"

"It was-" Bruce began, but cut himself off before he finished with 'a trick', confirming Tim's suspicions. "That's irrelevant."

"Oh my god." Barbara repeated.

"I am never letting you live this down," Tim threatened. "I mean it. I'm telling this story at your wedding when you guys get married."

"That is not happening-" Bruce tried.

"You've lost all credibility, Bruce," Barbara interrupted. "Might as well start picking rings out now, with your new track record."

"You think it'd be too much to order a suit with 'We told you so' embroidered on it?" Tim asked.

"Maybe just the tie," Barbara suggested.

#riddlebat #batriddler #batman adventures #specifically #slots this into 'try again' between the last 2 scenes