#also because of my periods my mood swings were so much worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iqmmir · 1 month

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Hi im back . For some time

#.mimiming ❜#um . hi im gonna slee soon but i missed you all so much #umm first of all im trying to ccut down in screentime because my therapist told me to #second. after two or three months of convincing myself that i literally do not care im only going to school for just a few more days (onl #y today and wednesday) i literally do not care #i almost keep crying . because well um #idk. i was originally planning on cutting off contact with everyone #because of stuff thats happened before #but my friends. my current friends dont just treat me as a therapist or something so #also one of my wives would probably hunt me down and kill me if i tried to cut off contact #but ill still miss this stupid class and this stupid school and all the stupid teachers and students #and the horrible tasting canteen food #and the playground ive played in eight times total despite being here for 12 years #idk man #also because of my periods my mood swings were so much worse #and i just ..idk i needed a break ig #anyways im back for sometime then ill start looking for a job #me friend said maybe we can do something together #idk #you can always send me asks and dms tho 👍👍#im not really sure . like about anything right now #ill try to get the drawing requests done soon maybe #wild how time passes huh #god i need to stop acting like such a grownup im literally three years old

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cheesus-doodles · 6 months

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i wonder how izana is like if he had a s/o during the time when he was the black dragon leader

Red Dragonflies Masterlist | Masterlist

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i have actually answered this previously in these Relationship HCs ! and this is also the case in my red dragonflies AU, former gang leader reader is actually Izzy's s/o when he was the black dragon leader - have linked the masterlist up top cough

but because I like to rant, here are some more thoughts about yan black dragon-era Izzy and you, which can apply to both regular reader and gang leader reader!

Izana was probably already very unstable and jealous during his time as the 8th Gen Black Dragon leader, what with the entire situation between Shinichiro constantly talking about Mikey, and learning that the Black Dragon gang would go to said boy instead of him. Combined that with him having found you as an s/o, someone that Izana would see as his, something that he could finally own and keep to himself without having to share (unlike the whole situation with Shinichiro), no doubt that it wouldn't take long for Izana to swing into yandere tendencies, becoming extremely overbearing and overprotective over you.

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With you around, there is a very clear difference in Izana's mannerisms and general behavior. Almost a personality flip in fact, it's night and day how he acts in your presence and when you aren't present. After all, there's a certain way that Izana wants you to perceive him as, and then there's everything else - so this white-haired boy would be sure to carefully tailor and adjust how he acts around you to what he knows you like (to a certain degree of course). As long as you don't threaten the status quo, as long as you keep by his side and his side only, your precious Izzy is whoever you want him to be. Loving, kind, doting, he can almost seem to read your mind and predict your moods.

Knows how to make you feel better after a shitty day, knows what to say and what to do to get you falling heads over heels for him over and over. But don't let that fool you into thinking that you were beyond his manipulation, because nope, not a chance. If he even has the slightest doubt that you were drifting away from him, or worse, thinking of leaving him, expect for Izzy to start subtly tearing you down. He wouldn't sound any different from what he usually does, cooing, low, soft murmur, but the things that slip from his mouth; it pokes at your insecurities, stirs the doubts you have about yourself. Yes, you were the most beautiful person he had laid eyes on, but did you think that really extended to everyone? Surely, surely you know that only he can love you like this? You couldn't possibly survive away from his side the way you are, right?

In his mind, Izzy is only doing it because he loved you as much as he did - you were made for him, like he was made for you. He couldn't live without you, so even if he had to hurt you a little, it'll all be worth it. You'll see that it was all for you.

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Wouldn't be uncommon to see him roaring down streets, both city and mountain ones alike, on his motorbike with you clung to his back and with no specific destination in mind - just likes to spend time with you, brings you anywhere that you want to go. Besides, the delinquents in the city, be they Black Dragons or rival scum, know better than to stare at the two of you. Loves light, airy places, so be prepared to spend a lot of time just hanging out together on rooftops and mountains, somewhere where you can feel the breeze through your hair, where Izzy can get you all to himself. All your attention being on him is the best kind of date.

There's no such thing as privacy, period. He absolutely needs to know everything that happens in your life, and anything less would earn you a full tantrum and fit. Put simply, its either Izana is there, hovering next to you and keeping one violet eye on all your ongoings, and no doubt this baby boy has someone (cough Inupi cough) tagging you from a respectable distance when he isn't free. That is, on top of having unfettered access to everything on your phone; call logs, messages, photos. Nothing is secret from him, why would it be? What do you have to hide from your partner?

You don't go anywhere new without Izzy. Why do you have to? What were you hiding? Your future husband would be happy to take you anywhere you have to go: cafe, the new department store downtown, even festivals. So unless you were trying to hide something from him, why wouldn't you want him to go along? Don't you know how dangerous it is out there? What if you get jumped by a rival gang? Needless to say, keeping presents a secret from this boy isn't a walk in a park.

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Everything else that Izana doesn't think you would approve of seeing would be done out of your sight. He doesn't like having you see the darker side of your boyfriend, the one that deals with weapons and drugs, the one that beats people, both civilians and his own gang members alike for the mildest of perceived infringements against you. You were too soft, too delicate for that. What if you got scared off? What would he do if you became frightened of him?

Instead, all his rage, all his hatred, he poured into the Black Dragon gang, leading them down darker and darker paths. The entire world was scum as far as he was concerned, trash that he had to beat and flatten into perfection so you didn't have to foul your hands and feet.

Sure Izana couldn't keep Shinichiro to himself as much as he desperately wanted to, the first time he truly found family - the source of a lot of his anger and jealousy. He hated Mikey, and always will, for stealing his older brother. But you were perfection, divinity, and you filled the hole in his heart; you didn't have to see that side of him if you just stuck by his side and returned his love. You were the only thing giving stability to a very fragile Izzy, and god only knows what would happen to him if that stability ever left. Izana would give you the sun and the moon if you wanted them both, all he asked for in return was your loyalty.

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etherealyoungk · 10 months

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hey there! If its not too much then may I request a hoshi during your periods, pretty please?? I'm on mine and I loved the mingyu one :((( also I hope you don't have any cramps from now on :')

hii! aw i hope the cramps aren't too bad for you, take care and get some rest <3

hoshi is just a little confused about everything going on and your mood swings because why were you mad at him for getting dark chocolate from a different brand and not the one you had specified before sending him to the shop? he's so :0 and poor boy is so confused but determined to help and comfort you.

hoshi would also be kinda pouty the entire day because you're in pain and he hates seeing you in pain, but there's nothing he can really do?? how is that fair. he indulges in your every silly little need or want. you want ramen for breakfast? he's making you that. you want ice cream? he's buying you all the flavors because he wants to spoil you (and maybe because he wasn't sure which flavor you wanted and didn't want to get yelled at again).

he'll be a little concerned when you're sobbing your eyes out watching lion king and that scene with mufasa comes up. keeps telling you that it's a movie and it isn't real but your tears won't stop and you're just sniffling and telling hoshi he should have skipped this scene while he just looks confused and concerned.

he'll be super sweet and understanding though. he'll be gentle with you the entire day and make you a hot water bottle and keep you fed and warm. he's a little confused and slightly taken aback about the concept of you suddenly not wanting his hugs and cuddles because feel ew and don't want hugs right now. he'll just be like, "how can you not want my hugs". but whenever you're ready, he's practically pouncing on you and hugging and showering your face with kisses.

he'll make sure your comfortable at night and if the cramps got worse he'll sit up with you and give you some medication to help ease the pain. hates seeing you cry or in pain and just wishes he could end it. will kiss you and pull you into his chest, holding you gently and tell you how much he loves you.

#skye answers #☁️'s anon's #nishloves!#seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen drabbles #seventeen x reader #svt imagines #svt fluff #svt soft hours #svt scenarios #svt drabbles #hoshi imagines #hoshi fluff #hoshi scenarios #hoshi drabble #hoshi x reader #kwon soonyoung fluff

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kzpearce · 10 months

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attitudes - kamisato ayato x f!reader

note. hai hai everyone i'm finally back! sorry this is not THAT much because all of my stories are for my original characters lmao. so this will do for now.

quick note. disclaimer that this is for female readers or afab! still second point of view, and mentioned (y/n) once only. slight tw/ mentions monthly period several times. if there r she/her pronouns typo, forgive me! but i proofread it so checked i needed to correct! thank you so muchhh <3

“Go away,” you say softly behind the locked bedroom door. “I don’t like you.”

“You’re giving me an attitude again, (y/n).” Ayato sighs as he grab the hot compress from the cabinet. He has a younger sister and he’s aware how the monthly period works, but you give him a different outcome. Ayato nearly lost his sanity.

He also needs to deal with your premenstrual syndrome — where you are mostly easily irritated and extra sensitive before your actual period. In fact, your mood swings occur most of the time before your monthly.

During your period, it’s lessened, but it’s still not the best. However, you love to cling. You love to hug Ayato at random times, and you somewhat act like a toddler. Despite this, Ayato loves you even more. He loves how you depend and cling to him.

When you and he were new to your relationship, Ayato had difficulties dealing with you. You were sensitive with your emotions yet somewhat insensitive with your words. If you’re having an attitude now, the old you was worse.

You fought with him, and you were not emotionally okay for several days. Ayato confronted you when the two of you calmed down and said that he was struggling to understand you. After you explained and apologized, you tried to adjust. Your mood swing attitude remains, but you’re doing better at controlling it than before.

Ayato appreciates his family’s genes of patience because if he didn't have one, he doesn't think you and he would still be together.

The thought of losing you makes Ayato’s stomach clench.

With the hot compress with Ayato and the food you’re craving for, he finally knocks on the door. “Love, can you open the door for me?” The tone of his voice easily becomes soft when he calls you with your endearment.

You don't respond.

“Please?” Ayato adds, pleading.

You open the door and peek. The way you look at him tells him that you’re not feeling okay. Ayato smiles softly, showing you the hot compress and your craving cheesecakes.

“I know you’re craving ice cream more, but let’s save it for tomorrow, okay? Let’s avoid cold food to help your cramps. Is that okay, baby?”

You push your lower lip forward and your gaze softens, attempting to hold back your tears. You open the door wide open, allowing him to step inside the room.

Ayato notices you’re wearing an oversized white shirt, only to find out that you stole one of his shirts again. He chuckles.

“Love,” Ayato sustains his o as he places the food and your hot compress on the nearest table. He wraps his arms around your figure and presses his chin on the top of your head. “Baby, you stole my shirt again.”

You hug me back and hum. “I lied when I said I don’t like you.”

Ayato kisses her head. “I know, love.”

You rest your chin on his chest and look up to him. You curve your lip into a charming and adorable smile. “Stay with me tonight.”

“I will. I finished extra work today so I can stay until tomorrow morning.”

Your smile fades. “Did you even sleep, Commissioner?”

Ayato presses his lips together. Woops, he thought. “Lesser hours than my normal sleep.”

“Ayato, you've barely slept six hours already.” Your eyebrows furrow, “How less?”

Ayato hums, “Three?”

“That’s it. You are really going to stay here tonight.”

A smirk tugs his lips, “You should’ve directly told me you missed me.”

“I do! But I can’t enjoy you when you’re restless,” your voice eventually becomes a whisper at the end of your sentence. Ayato can’t help but let out a hearty laugh.

“I have energy.” His smirk maintains.

“Sleep.” You glare.

“Okay, okay.” Ayato chuckles and kisses your cheek.

#genshin impact #genshin various men #ayato x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #kamisato ayato #kamiasto ayato x reader #female reader #kamisato ayato x you #ayato x you

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slvtforyumi · 11 months

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group chat boys while you’re on your period headcanons. <re upload>.

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some things have been changed or added considering my writing has changed a bit since i last wrote this.

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isaac-

he’s the biggest softie with you.

he’ll immediately recognise that something is wrong when you begin to act a little different.

has prepared himself for your eventual mood swings.

he makes sure to keep you on bed rest even if you insist that you’re fine.

he goes out of his way and will literally drop everything to go and get you something you need, craving something? he’s already going to the store, need a hug? he’s on his way.

he read somewhere online that having sex on your period can help reduce the pain of cramps.

so he takes that to his advantage a bit and uses it as an excuse to still be able to fuck you.

nick-

he is the biggest sweetheart ever.

stays in bed with you the majority of the time, just cuddles you and massages you wherever it hurts.

he stocks up on snacks and stuff you crave for times like this.

he puts up with all your mood swings, when your angry he stands and listens but then when you switch to crying, he’s immediately got his arms wrapped around you comforting you.

just like isaac he isn’t put off by the idea of having sex with you while period.

he just becomes wayyy more gentle with you than he normally would be.

tanner-

he’s not the best at knowing what to do while you’re on your period.

he doesn’t really know how to handle your mood swings so when you start to become a little cranky he’ll keep his distance from you.

he’s a little afraid he might upset you more than you already are.

but then again he always manages to cheer you up when you’re having your little moments.

he’s always holding you close to him in the day and at night he practically wraps himself around you like a teddy bear.

he wouldn’t be obliged to having sex with you he just wouldn’t be up for it all the time.

yumi-

he would honestly be hopeless at the start.

he would be panicking so much and would probably end up making you feel so much worse than you already were.

he’d then get around the idea of it and would calm himself down and realise that it’s not too big of a deal.

i’d you had asked him to go to the store for you to get some pads he’d respond with “fuck no dude i’m not going down the pussy pad isle”.

he’d fill up a hot water bottle for you and place it wherever it hurts.

and he’d still try and succeed at making you laugh but would also make you feel like strangling him half the time too.

he isn’t entirely put off the idea of having sex with you, he’d honestly just much prefer to finger you instead.

larry -

honestly he’d be a little underprepared when you first told him you had come on and wouldn’t exactly know what to do.

but after some intense google research he soon gets the hang of it.

would probably threaten to beat up your uterus for hurting you so much.

he would go out and buy you loads of snacks tho.

but would probably end up eating half of them on his way home to you.

in some sick way he kind of enjoys you being on your period, just because he likes being able to stay in bed with you all day, watching trash tv while watching junk food.

he would probably ask you to go down on him even if you feel like you’re going to die.

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ineffectualdemon · 5 months

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I am pro mental autonomy

People with mental illnesses deserve to have control over their mental health care and that includes whether or not they seek treatment or medication

By this I mean being openly mentally ill shouldn't be stigmatised against or forced treatment on if no one else is being harmed. Even if they make other people uncomfortable because discomfort is not harm

The rare instances where mental illness can contribute to harm against others is a complex matter and even then they should have a say in their treatment

And I say this as someone who has been situations where someone else's mental health has made me fear for my safety/life

But I have also been in many more situations where someone else's mental health made me uncomfortable. And I can tell you the way the people who merely made me uncomfy were treated by society was disgusting

(for the record I tried not to show my discomfort and either help or ignore them depending on the situation, my age, and what I felt was more appropriate at the time)

This is all to say I am against forcing treatment

That being said I am also really pissed off that the metric of who receives treatment is based solely off if they make other people uncomfortable/pose an obvious risk to themselves

I cannot tell you all the harm my religious delusions caused as a young person and why I have had to fight to find my own ways to protect myself. The distilled version is it drove me to self harm both physically and mentally and it would have gotten worse. There were times I was close to cutting my hands to mimic the stigmata and the only reason I didn't was because I was sure it would start on its own. I understood why people in the past had whipped themselves bloody in the name of God

I was in it deep

And I don't think anyone I lived with or knew knew about this at the time because a symptom of my delusions is that I can't tell people or bad things happen. Extreme secrecy is a by product of my delusions. And the religious delusions are only one of my delusions

I figured this out during a clear period in my early twenties and that's when I became someone known for oversharing. Because if I didn't have secrets I couldn't create elaborate realities in the same way. It hasn't ended the delusions but it has kept me safer and away from certain things but I know how easily I fall back into old delusions. I know religious delusions are just lying under the surface. Hell I listened to a song last year that had a Christian message and that alone very nearly pulled me back in. I had to stop myself from listening to it and it was difficult*

But I am not obviously mentally ill to most people. I don't show my symptoms very much because of the extreme secrecy part of it and generally other people aren't uncomfortable around me due to my delusions because they don't know about them

So when I went to the doctor during a lucid period and said "I have these issues and they cause me this kind of harm and I need help" and because I wasn't actively and obviously delusional in the moment and I was not making anyone else uncomfortable I was told "those aren't delusions" and denied treatment for them

Same for my hallucinations. Who cares if it scares me and keeps me from sleeping if I know they weren't real by the time I talked to a doctor and it didn't bother other people around me

I only ended up on an anti-psychotic and got therapy by emphasising my mood swings...you know. The thing that bothers other people

I'm off my anti-psychotic now for many reasons and the only reason I'm doing okay is because my in-laws paid for a private therapist for a year who actually believed me and helped me with my delusions and hallucinations

I am just so angry that people get treatment they don't want forced on them because other people find them a bother and people who want treatment can't get it because they aren't enough of a bother to other people

*and I was only able to do it because of my last therapist

#psychology #mental health #delusional #religious delusions #mental illness #mental autonomy

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ms-no1kpopstan · 29 days

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can I pls request a fic where reader is on her period and already in a bad mood so when sunghoon comes home from practice early saying his stomach hurts too & that he’s sick she thinks he’s just poking fun at her and doesn’t take him seriously but later on when they go to the convenience store together cus she needs to buy pads she realizes that he’s actually rlly unwell and feels bad and takes care of him.

Sure! Here it is!

Also, can I call u 🧡anonnie? Bcs u requested for enha… If u want another emoji, tell me!

(photo isn’t Mine!)

You groan as you shift uncomfortably in your spot on the couch. Your period had started early and it hurt so much worse than normal. Usually, you would be used to it, having periods for the past god knows how many years, but this time, it felt like you were being stabbed in multiple places, your abdomen, your legs and your head.

You were desperately waiting for your boyfriend sunghoon to get home from dance practice with the rest of the members so that he could go to the store with you.

The second you hear the door click open, you call out sunghoon’s name just to find him groaning in pain on his way in. He was clutching his stomach as he held on to the tv stand. You, now starting to think he’s mocking you and making fun of you, due to the fact that your abdomen felt like it was getting stabbed by the sharpest knife on the whole entire planet. Back to what you think is him mocking you, you let out a scoff and say, “well, you can stop making fun of the fact that im in pain right now, you know…”

“What? Baby, what makes you think that im mocking you, and that im actually not in pain right now?” Sunghoon replies, still clutching his stomach. “Well, I don’t know but from the way that you’re having a ‘stomach ache’ right now, when I just started my period today, is a bit suspicious to me.” you reply, irritated. thanks so much, dumb mood swings!

“Well, do you need me to get you anything from the store?”, Sunghoon asks, definitely worried about you. “Well, i was gonna go to the store and buy some pads so, if you want to join me, then come along.” you reply, just wanting your cramps to go away for once today. (at the store)

You walk down the snack aisle with Sunghoon next to you, or at least you thought he was next to you. You stop for a second and realise that he wasn’t next to you anymore. You look behind to see that he was standing a fee feet behind you and once again clutching his stomach.

‘Oh, maybe he wasn’t joking.’ You thought as you hurriedly walked up to him and asked him, “baby, what’s wrong? I’m so sorry that I thought you were making fun of me, it was very horrible of me to think that. But what happened?” “um, you didn’t let me tell you but I didn’t eat anything the entire day because of practice and I didn’t even realise that I hadn’t eaten at all, so I realised that I hadn’t only when my stomach started to hurt like hell.” he says, a bit slowly due to the fact that he was shutting his eyes in pain.

“Hoonie, baby, oh my gosh I feel so bad now. Come on, let me take you home and give you something to eat and a painkiller to stop your stomach ache, okay?” You say sweetly, much more different from your demeanour about a half hour ago.

You get him to lie down the second that you get home, giving him his food in bed, a bowl of rice and some kimchi. After he devoured his food, he slowly started to doze off, and you, noticing that, turn off the lights, and get him covered up in a blanket, before lying down next to him, getting into his blanket and letting him fall into your embrace…

TAGS; @leaderwonim @mandukkul @copyhanni @nikiswifereal27 @stariikis @ad0rechuu @copyhanni @jungkit @rk1stars @rikihqq @wonryllis @angel1kisses @nishions @rikizm @stariekis

#kpop #enhypen #requests #🧡annonie #enha #psh #park sunghoon #sunghoon #sunghoon x reader #fluff #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon enhypen #enha is my no one bg

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zebulontheplanet · 2 months

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Hello, I was hoping to ask about schizoaffective disorder depressive type if that is okay with you.

I saw a new therapist today and talked about past hallucinations and stuff I’ve had and whatever and it led to her suspecting shizoaffective disorder depressive type. I saw a post of you saying that there’s not much resources on depressive type and in researching today I have found the same thing to be true. I would like to ask what your experience is like having this disorder, and what it looks like on a day to day. While the disorder seems to fit me I worry that I’m faking and that I’m not that bad off… I have very mixed feelings.

Sorry this is word salad! If you do know of resources for schizoaffective disorder depressive type I would be grateful for those too, but no worries if not!

Thank you for your time and have a great day

Hi anon! There aren’t many resources on Schizoaffective depressive type, and I don’t have any that I can remember off the top of my head.

I can tell you what mine was like though. Below this cut will be talk about suicidal tendencies, homicidal thoughts, and depression.

My experience has been rocky. I started showing signs very young, and started hallucinating very young as well. For as long as I could remember I was hallucinating and having delusions. I was also showing signs of depression at a very young age, as well as very extreme depressive mood swings.

I would have these mood swings, where one minute I was fine, and the next minute I’d be crying and having suicidal thoughts and ideations. These mood swings were severe, and continued to ruin my life. Because of these mood swings, and homicidal thoughts as well as paranoid thoughts, I was hospitalized several times for months at a time throughout my youth.

My mood swings continued to get worse into my teens, especially during my period, which I at the time thought was PMDD, but later learned it was just the increase of emotions plus my mood swings, dangerously swirling together.

Although I had delusions, I almost always experienced something called “double bookkeeping” meaning I was aware of my delusions being fake, however still believed that they were real to an extent and had to act on them. This is apparently a pretty rare thing to have and do? But I’m not sure how true that is.

No doctor knew what was wrong with me, and they had thrown around the word schizophrenia for awhile but didn’t want to diagnose me with it because I was so young. Throughout the years, I learned to mask my disorder, and basically make myself look and feel ok although I constantly felt like I was faking it. I continued to have extreme depressive mood swings, but not to the point I needed to be hospitalized.

After awhile, I took a break from medications and doctors because I was quite frankly done with it and just wanted some time to breathe. I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to continue my life off medication and at 19 I saw a psych who finally gave me the answers. She knew exactly what was wrong with me and I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder depressive type within the first appointment.

I feel like the diagnosis fits me well. I am on medication now and I’m the most stable I have been in a very very long time. It has taken three hospital stays, dozens of medication trials, dozens of doctors, to get here. But I’m here and finally happy.

I still experience a lot of symptoms, especially negative symptoms. But I take it one day at a time.

I hope this helps you and I hope you have a wonderful day! Sending you good luck wishes with your journey and love.

#zebrambles #schizoaffective disorder #actually schizoaffective #Schizoaffective disorder depressive type #actually schizospec #schizo spectrum #schizospec #long post

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sketch-guardian · 1 year

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Time for some self indulgence... how would the classmates deal with a MC who's on their period and has really bad cramps? I absolutely can't get off my bed rn 😭😭

I'm very sorry to hear that Isa😥but don't worry,I'm sure it will be just fine😌also I apologize for the delay in replying to your ask (unfortunately I was busy studying-) and for the pain you are feeling🙈so I will do my best to answer in a satisfying way,keeping MC as gender neutral as possible as usual. In the meantime I hope you feel better by now☺anyway let's start:

"HOW WOULD THE RAD CLASSMATES DEAL WITH A MC WHO'S ON THEIR PERIOD AND HAS REALLY BAD CRAMPS?"

DEMYA

With her highly developed sense of smell, it's very likely that Demya will immediately notice MC's situation,perhaps even before it actually begins, since she would perceive an intense smell of hormones coming from her human, even if at first she would not understand the reason. Once their period starts, Demya's reaction might be a bit exaggerated at first, because the first thing that would come to her mind would be that MC is injured and not on their period. Once they explain the situation to her,she would do her best to take care of them, to demonstrate that despite her demon nature,she's able to provide for their needs, humans are fragile and sensitive creatures after all... however...the smell of blood would distract her a little (nothing to fear though-). Demya vaguely knows what a menstrual cycle consists of, but she doesn't know why it happens and why it's so painful, her ignorance on the subject though would not prevent her from acting as a heated pillow for MC's belly, to try to relieve the cramps, on a comfortable bed surrounded by all the salty and sweet snacks they could ever want: unfortunately Demya's not a expert with medicines,so she would limit herself to massaging MC's sore spots to make them feel better. If the situation worsened (migraine, nausea,ecc...) then she would turn to someone clever enough to be trustworthy, like Satan

DOMNRA (MOBIM)

He doesn't know very well how the human body works, having never felt any particular interest in it or its biological functions, but considering that his partner is human, he saw fit to do some research throughout their relationship, not very deep though, in fact Domnra would not be very prepared for the arrival of the MC's menstrual cycle. At first he would underestimate the situation, not understanding how painful a period can be, having suffered in the past much worse blows (just look at his scars-) and consequently he would seem a bit distant, but once he understands the intensity of MC's pain,he would immediately intervene to comfort them while quietly apologizing, with the assistance of Mobim, who would act as emotional support, being the size of a stuffed animal. The sight or smell of blood does not bother Domnra and in case MC has mood swings, he would be able to handle them, having anger management issues himself and a bipolar friend. Also both he and Mobim have quite high body temperatures,so they would try to sooth MC's cramps by being close to them during cuddles

AZUL

Among the RAD classmates, Azul is definitely the one with the most experience in interacting with humans, having spent several times on Earth and having made various pacts which, although short-lived, were sufficient for him to learn something more about human customs and biology, including what a menstrual cycle is.Azul would take relatively little time to notice MC's situation, having a kind of innate and highly developed empathy due to his powers, and once he ascertains their symptoms, he would use his magic to relieve their cramps and to entertain them, after all he loves the smile of his lovely star and it breaks his heart to see them stressed. However, again due to his empathy and instability, whenever MC has a mood swing, it's likely that such thing would happen to Azul too, being very in tune with their emotions (it's known though that he's still a lovable idiot,therefore, even if MC is gender neutral, he would occasionally make stupid puns like "if my babe is on their period, then I'm on my period too, it's uterUS-")

ZURI

Despite her intelligence,the topic of human biology has never particularly interested Zuri,so although she vaguely knows what a menstrual cycle is by hearsay during her long existence,she is unaware of what it entails exactly. As soon as MC shows signs to be on their period, Zuri would do some research on the subject on her own, rather than ask questions directly to MC,a bit due to her pride and also out of concern,not wanting to embarrass her beloved,it seems quite a delicate topic and she doesn't want to appear too insensitive. Zuri would approach MC with caution and do what she sees fit to take care of them, making sure they eat healthy food that doesn't make the cramps worse and that they don't overexert themselves (if medication is needed,she would almost assume the professionalism of a medic,measuring the right doses of medicine while letting MC rest,despite being a busy demon)

ODON

They know when MC's period is about to arrive,not due to a matter of hormones,blood or anything else,but rather thanks to their eye-like creatures,which seem to predict many phenomena, from the most important to the most trivial,like this one in this case.Odon is ancient and has a lot of knowledge to themselves,however even if they know the basics of human biology, including the menstrual cycle, this doesn't mean that they know how to treat it, having never taken care of another living being in their life, especially a human (other creatures rarely approach them, but it happened in the past that some animals did). In any case, Odon would not be discouraged by their inexperience and would be happy and honored to be able to take care of their dear friend MC, making the environment around them very quiet and relaxing, accompanied by warm drinks and soft sheets, immersed in a darkness illuminated only by a few dim lights. In Odon's presence, probably due to some strange eldritch horror ability, the cramps would seem to ease, as if they transferred the pain from MC to themselves, which however would hardly affect them, having a pain threshold beyond normal (literally, stabbing or cutting off a limb wouldn't bother Odon,but the eye-like creatures might be affected a little,given their bond-). Furthermore,Odon has a quite soothing voice when they don't giggle or smile like the cheshire cat, so MC could ask them to hum something like a lullaby

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centrally-unplanned · 1 year

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I'm curious about the 'mythical “mid-production pivot” theory' that you mention Eva fans surmising. I'm given to understand that Anno took a darker and more psychological tack around episode 16, after reading a book of poetry about depression, and certainly the show's original proposal and the first draft of episode 24 seem to bear this out: Tokyo 3's destruction and Asuka's depression seem to have been later additions. Am I wrong or are you referring to something else?

You aren't wrong per se, it just wasn't nearly as dramatic a turn as these stories tended to suggest. By episode 24, for example, you already had Episode 16 full diversion-into-Shinji's mind; you already even have Episode 4's focus on Shinji's depression and 'auteur' delivery approach. So while there would be individual back-and-forth about individual episodes, and the show got edgier over time, it wasn't a large shift from the initial plan.

The specific draft of episode 24 you can see here; it was written by Akio Satsukawa, and most importantly never reviewed or approved by Anno. So its tonal shift isn't a directorial choice, instead just another creator's vision of the project, and one that was scrapped. I don't think it reflects strongly a debate about the show's direction - instead it can be viewed as bit of a leaked, unofficial document.

The poetry book you are referring to is Bessatsu Takarajima's "Understanding Mental Disease" - you can see some details on it here. The cited Newtype November 1996 interview I think really gets at how this was used:

Anno: I was stuck on Rei's monologue in the recap episode. One day, my friend lent me a psychology special of Bessatsu Takarajima. I was shocked by poems from that book. I was blown away. They switched my mind. Rei's monologue suddenly came to my mind.

It isn't really a depressed man trying to find solace that incidentally changed his work; he was hunting for inspiration for the show actively. So sure, reading this book 'changed' the direction in a certain sense; but only because the direction wasn't known and Anno was doing creative research, not because he was depressed and decided to change things up based on his own his turmoil.

Anno's depression was a bit more over the *production*, not his own mental health per se. He trying to Make It Work as an artist and hitting huge roadblocks at the end. Episodes 25 and 26 are absolutely different from the intended vision - but due to physical inability to complete that vision resulting from production delays, not a mood swing. He was at his most depressed after the completion of the show due to this, feeling it has drained him; his most famous "depression" comments are actually about that period:

After the television broadcast finished, I became worse and worse, and went to see a doctor. I even seriously contemplated death. It's like [I] was empty, with no meaning to [my] existence. Without the slightest exaggeration, I had put everything I had [into Evangelion]. Really. After that finished I realized that there was nothing [left] inside of me. When I asked [the doctor?] about it afterwards, [he said?] "Ah, that is an 'identity crisis'

There is also an interview with longtime Gainax staffer Evangelion producer Hiroyuki Yamaga where he pretty-much says Anno was exaggerating the drama in interviews for clout, lol:

On Anno’s severe depression, his “crisis of the soul,” as a motive in the development of Evangelion. YAMAGA: Well, I think Anno may have appeared in the Japanese media as you suggest; he’s made comments about wanting to die, and so forth, but at least from my perspective, things were never as serious as they appeared in the press. [LAUGHS]

Finally, and I don't have like one link or anything for this, but its just when you go through what we know of the production history, you can't really find a break point like this (outside of episode 25), there doesn't seem to be a turning point. All the themes are there from the beginning. Evangelion changed a ton during production, don't get me wrong, but here - look at the 1993 Evangelion Proposal document. The summary for episode 24 is:

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Here is part of Shinji's character summary:

The young protagonist believes he can do nothing by himself, but, as new experiences change him and he is able to look reality in the face, he learns and grows as a person.

Naturally, we believe adults must give children self-purpose and the strength to act on their own, for the cause of passing on knowledge and technology. However, today's children can be found by themselves in front of the television, not interacting as part of a group. Other issues such as substance abuse, and never doing anything manually, leave children not knowing what they should do.

Children stuck in a reality wrought with pressures are left unable to act on their own. Are things really okay the way they are?

Its all there, right? Instrumentality, depression, commentary-on-otaku, etc. It was always the intent of the show.

I think this myth as I call it comes from the fact that episode 16 can seem jarring to audiences - but I don't think its jarring *thematically*, its jarring directorially. Some of that is the production getting a little stretched at that point; the abstract, introspective approach does require less animation cuts. But when Anno is asked about the dive-into-Shinji's-mind choice for the episode:

Anno: As far as that goes, I thought it was fine, but then when [the angel] speaks Japanese that was the end [of my initial conception]. Kaworu-kun had been prepared as a “human type” [angel] from the start, and I wanted to hold on to the idea of [an angel] conversing in human language until then. When I wondered, well, what will [Shinji] do after he gets taken into the angel, I wondered if this might be [his] chance for self-reflection. Episode 16’s “inner space”-like environment was the first [of that sort]. That went relatively smoothly.

Its like "oh yeah i was gonna have him talk to an angel, but I thought oh crap that will impact Kaworu's reveal too harshly, so what to do....ah, what about Shinji talks with himself?" This isn't a depression-pivot, this is just the creative process, the team was learning and experimenting as they went.

#evangelion #evangelion production history

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pidayforpi · 3 months

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[Personal, somewhat very emotional stuff]

This "burnout / stressed-out / depressed" episode of mine at the moment reminds me of similar episodes in the past.

Specifically, the summer of 2021, which some of my old DC buddies may know and remember about.

Actually, the pattern/symptoms/feelings are almost identical, which I don't know how to feel about. I am somewhat relieved that this is not an isolated incident (it never was, actually), and I know past experience tells me that things will get better; but every "relapse" feels just as bad (sometimes worse, like this time), and I personally fear the concept of relapse/moving backwards very, very much. It is a somewhat irrational fear - I know - but there was a certain period in my life that I would do almost anything to avoid going back to. That I fear I would fall back into.

And every time, this fear paralyses me. Because I never know when a small tripping stone of sadness can make me fall back into that abyss of depression - a place I can never, ever go back.

Although I know the sadness will pass eventually, I fear how long this time will take for it to pass. Because it once took years.

This time is arguably much harder to deal with, mainly because there is a continuing stressor going on. (I now realise stress makes me depressed, which is something I should have realised much sooner) Before, I was usually depressed after a stressor, so I had time and space for me to mope around without anything I need to do.

This time? The stressor is so continuous and long, I guess my mind decided it could not wait until the stressor ends to be depressed. So now I'm stressed and depressed. And I still have to go on.

Which is absolutely not ideal and honestly very terrible.

It has been consistently very hard since the year started, probably because I really can't do anything about it at the moment, when there is an exam, an interview, and a new semester immediately after. The situation was the same last year (minus the interview) - and I also felt stressed and depressed last year - but this year is much, much worse.

Mood is constantly very bad, with almost every symptoms/signs you can find online when you look up "symptoms/signs of stressed and depressed" (which were the same signs I had when I was stressed and depressed in the past). One thing new (?) is mood swings, when there are better times (usually at night for some reason, which was when I had the energy to write this), and absolutely pathetic times.

There are also a lot of worries. Some stupid but intrusive, some substantial but overwhelming. I guess it is because I am stressed in addition to depressed. A mind of depression alone would be mostly blank and empty, instead thoughts crashing every time and everywhere.

I know what I have to do. I know what I have to believe in, to tell myself. I have gone through this in the past, I should know. "Never despair, never run away." And I am trying, but it is just so hard when there are both internal and external obstacles at the same time.

I thought summer 2021 was already rock bottom, but this is undoubtedly a new low. I thought I would never have to go through such crippling episode again, but apparently no. I remember feeling the same feeling 2.5 years ago: The same depressed, hopeless feeling. Now, I know that 3 months later, when autumn 2021 came, things would be much, much better. Maybe 3 months later, when spring 2024 comes, things will be much, much better too.

But at this moment, it is just hard to imagine. Even if I can imagine, it is just hard to believe. Even if I can believe, it is just hard to wait even a day longer.

This "random thoughts" kind of went off course and turned into a full-on vent, when I originally wanted to write something slightly more positive / less emotional. Regardless, even if I don't have any motivation at all, I will try to write down my thoughts (among other things). I remember also telling myself to write down and share my thoughts back in summer 2021, which led to me at least reconnecting with my DC friends, with whom I had disconnected for 2-3 months suddenly. I still have the thought passages I shared with them 2.5 years ago, and when I read them again now...the feelings are/were just the same 2.5 years later.

Honestly I don't know how much I can do at the moment. I am only writing this when I am feeling somewhat better (and even then this is somewhat incoherent, sorry). The mood swings come quickly and last varyingly; and again, the stressor is still here this time. There are times I tell myself I will write out an infodump - sometimes even a short story - but then a sudden (negative) mood swing renders them only ideas and not realities.

The most I can do are "passive" things (even which I constantly lack time and motivation to do), like art-browsing and fic-reading (was reading a Paw Patrol story which triggered my Hinamizawa Syndrome infected brain). I would love to give more detailed comments to those wonderful artists - and I will try - but all I can do is try. There are also messages I have been wanting to send to some lovely people (as well as some asks/messages from lovely people that I absolutely have to reply to), but try is all I can do at the moment, unfortunately.

Looking back at the conversations/passages I have written in the past, I used to be more open about my feelings and thoughts (although I never was the type to wear my heart on my sleeves). This "openness" had led to some writings of mine which I now cringe at, but honestly I prefer those cringy writings than not writing anything at all.

I keep a list of "comments" I have given throughout different platforms (such as DC long conversations and Ao3 story comments) (the list is literally named "Insert Comments" in Japanese). I started to realise the list gets updated less and less frequently. And what I do say are getting shorter and boring.

Which - again, like most "bad habits" I have realised myself developing recently - is not ideal + I am trying + But there's only so much I can do in this circumstance.

Another bad habit I absolutely have to break is to be more active (which I know I have said many times). I used to go on DC daily, engaging in fandom/friend groups and a public gaming server where I had been somewhat very active in. These servers (and the people there) had been with me through difficult times, including said time in 2021. There had been times where I became suddenly inactive, but I would try to go back as soon as I can, even to just read others' conversations.

Now? I don't know since when, this routine suddenly became unimportant, that I can somehow do without. I have never been a sociable person, nor chronically online to start with. But withdrawing completely? That wasn't healthy of me, and I should have known that was a sign of something going on.

(But even then, what can I do about it? This is a question that keeps looping in my mind during these days, when I look back at "what I could have done better to prevent this episode from happening".

Honestly, I can't think of a solution. There is nothing more I can do.)

[Attached with a photo I took during a trip with my family back in December 2023. Mostly for them to visit some old friends, but we did go somewhere else as well. That was a beautiful journey. I would have really enjoyed it, or maybe even been inspired, if I hadn't been a depressed mess.]

[Funnily, we had also gone on a trip in December 2022, and I had also been a depressed mess during that trip. Before the Dec 2023 trip (and before I got depressed), I told myself to not be a depressed mess during this trip, so that I could fully enjoy the journey. Everything was going great. The trajectory was going absolutely well. And then I ended up being an even worse depressed mess.]

(12-1-2024)

#wrote this last friday night™ but the sentiment still holds (for now)#random thoughts #infodump

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queenofzan · 1 year

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Period Dysphoria

The worst thing about estrogen puberty for me was by far menstruation. I struggled with the practical aspects of dealing with periods, it wrecked me emotionally most months even though I didn’t actually have significant mood swings or PMS just because I hated it, it made me hate my body, and it felt icky.

So here are some Tips for dealing with or lessening menstrual dysphoria!

Have you tried a different period product?

I know this might sound silly--I hate this thing my body is doing, why would changing how I keep it from being an awful mess affect how I feel about it?--but it turned out a lot of my dysphoria was triggered by some of the specific sensations of it. I resisted tampons for a long time because of anxiety about TSS, but the first time I used a tampon (bc I started unexpectedly, asked all the girls around me for pads, and no one had any, but someone did have tampons, and it seemed like a better option than. stuffing a wad of toilet paper in my underwear and calling it a day) I was astonished to find that my dysphoria was much better.

There were things I didn’t like about tampons, but overall my periods were much less awful when I started using them. It also let me pinpoint what the sensations that triggered my dysphoria were, and determine that I would almost certainly get even better results using a cup. So I bought a cup and voila! All my period dysphoria and a bunch of the practical problems I had were effectively eliminated.

Cups have their own drawbacks, and definitely might make your dysphoria worse if it’s more general than mine is, but my point is actually consider giving other period products a try. If it doesn’t help, at least you know now. And it might be useful in helping you figure out what would help.

I stuck with pads for a long time because I figured nothing would help and pads seemed ~safest~

Birth control that stops periods

This was pretty new when I was a teenager, and people (including my mom) were kind of scared and fear-mongery about it...even though people had been using traditional birth control pills to lessen or skip their periods for decades.

It is not unhealthy to skip your periods!

I mean, if your body is doing it and you’re not on birth control or HRT, it might be a sign something weird is going on. But doing it on purpose is fine!

Even if you’re not out or don’t want to talk to your parents or doctor about being trans, you might be able to get this! People are often sympathetic to the idea of periods being inconvenient. Talk about the practical difficulties--complain about bleeding through your clothes or sheets and having to do extra laundry, complain about cramps, complain about irregularity and needing a more reliable cycle!

Besides pills, there’s also the implant, which is available in the USA and Canada (and may be available in other countries, idk). In the USA it’s called Nexplanon, and it’s what I used before I got on testosterone.

Most birth control methods that stop periods don’t do it 100% reliably, but I had much shorter and easier periods even when they showed up.

The implant also has the advantage of not having the same kind of side effects as birth control pills, which might feel “feminizing” and make dysphoria worse.

Sleep on a towel

This might also be silly, and might have more to do with anxiety than dysphoria, but one reason I felt like shit during my periods in high school was how much I worried about leaking in the night and getting blood all over my bed, so I got terrible sleep, which makes everything worse.

Get yourself a ratty old towel (or a black one!) and sleep on it!

Personally I found any discomfort from the towel being less comfy than my sheets was FAR outweighed by the peace of mind that I was not going to get blood on everything.

If the towel is super uncomfortable, maybe you could try a dark-colored sheet, or even a waterproof liner/sheet!

Seriously I cannot begin to explain how much this simple thing that felt like cheating or some kind of life hack made my periods so much easier to deal with!

Talk to other people who menstruate about their experiences

I know this one can feel weird and uncomfortable, but it really helped me.

You probably know this, but most people with vaginas do not know a whole lot about them. We are given very minimal and warped information about what looks, feels, and acts normal. Stacking dysphoria on top of the extremely understandable shame a misogynist society tries to instill in people can make things extra difficult for us!

Talking to cis women who did not feel suicidal during their periods helped me realize maybe my period dysphoria was in fact serious!

Talking to other trans people about their experiences made me feel way less weird and alone!

You are not the only dude who has a period, or non-binary person who has a period! Slightly over half the human population menstruates for a significant chunk of their lives; that includes and has always included trans people.

If it isn’t too alienating/upsetting for you, reading feminist literature like Our Bodies, Ourselves and Cunt can be a great source of actual information from other people with vaginas about what is/isn’t normal for vaginas.

Generally speaking, if it’s not uncomfortable or distressing...it’s normal.

That still doesn’t mean you have to like it! You can have a perfectly healthy and typical body and still be unhappy with it because it’s not what you want!

I spent a long time suffering during every period. Now I’m on testosterone and don’t have periods at all, which rules, but I did manage to effectively eliminate period dysphoria before I even started T. It might not be as effective or possible for you, but it’s also important to remember:

Just because you can’t completely eliminate the problem doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have as easy of a time as it’s possible for you to have! Even if you can’t completely eliminate your period dysphoria, having less dysphoria or less anxiety about your period is worth it! Feeling less bad about yourself is worth it!

It’s not a zero-sum game where your options are Dysphoria Hell and Absolutely Dysphoria Free! Having a slightly better bad time is, well, better than having a terrible time. Just because none of these things are likely to Fix Everything doesn’t mean it’s not worth giving it a shot.

(And I mean, maybe you’ll get lucky like me, and it turns out something you thought was all-encompassing is actually a very specific trigger you can avoid. You don’t know if you don’t try!)

#menstruation #dysphoria #ftm #transmasc #trans stuff

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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Hi! I saw your post about being put on estrogen for too many androgens, and how testosterone HRT actually helped you more for the symptoms. I think I need to talk to my obgyn about how I suspect I might have PCOS but I'm a pre-T trans man and terrified they'll tell me going on estrogen/androgen blockers is my only option. I was on progesterone for a month and it was a baaaad time. Have you written more about your experience with this somewhere?

i totally get that fear, i was actually afraid of that, myself, when i was pursuing transition. i was afraid they'd tell me i was too fucked up or something or that i already had too much testosterone in my system

i haven't written about it elsewhere, but i'll take the time to write about it now! i'm going to be also starting a Wordpress site to compile my experiences, so i'll be adding this to there as well!

i was placed on estrogen for a few years (from about 15 - 21) to try to combat the high levels of androgens my body was producing due to PCOS + hyperandrogenism (and possibly other non diagnosed intersex conditions as well), they told me that was the "only way" to fix the heavy periods and other problems i was having.

i noticed during this time, my energy levels were way, way down. i was exhausted, tired, and overall falling asleep and struggling to be present and awake. i would come home from school and pass out for 5, 6, 7+ hours and wake up in the middle of the night for a bit before sleeping even more.

i was generally very irritable, prone to snapping, mood swings, and being very "on edge" in general during this time. i got into a lot of arguments with my sister and told her heated, emotional things i didn't mean because i was so worked up all the time. i had a very negative outlook and couldn't stop myself from being pissy and short and mean with people.

i noticed that i got "baby fever" during this time and became OBSESSED with thinking about having children, what i would name them, and so on. i could NOT stop thinking about having children, even though i was a child, myself, for a lot of it. i was also gaining a LOT of weight and putting on weight in areas that were making my dysphoria so, so much worse.

my periods never really became regular or normal during this time, due to me being intersex. the volume of the menses decreased to more tolerable levels, but it never made them 'regular'. i also never stopped growing facial hair, it never even reduced the volume of facial hair i was growing, which was my mother's concern. and it never changed the fact that i wanted that facial hair.

overall, it was just a waste of my time to achieve a very, very slight difference in my menstrual cycles. the only thing that has fixed my menstrual cycles and stopped them from being so heavy that i get sick is testosterone hormone replacement therapy. testosterone has been live saving for me as an intersex person and i hope you're able to communicate to your doctor that you as a trans man WANT those increased testosterone levels and for you, that's not a problem.

having naturally high T can actually be a good thing in some cases because some doctors who are aiding you in transition will see that as something pointing toward your case as a trans man. you already having a high level of testosterone can mean they can potentially prescribe a lower dose of T to you or not have to take as long to titrate up, so hopefully they will be receptive instead of pushy about you "needing" androgen blockers or estrogen.

if you face problems with this, feel free to come back, but ultimately, it shouldn't (hopefully) cause a problem. you have the right to put your foot down and say no, actually, i want higher levels of testosterone in my body and i refuse to go on hormone blockers. i wish i had refused estrogen when they put me on it. so many afab and intersex people get put on estrogen and hormonal birth control regimens and it actually causes far more problems than it helps. estrogen and birth control should not be the first "solution" to reproductive health issues.

i hope that helped you! feel free to come back and send another ask, we're always happy to help with stuff like this. nobody really tells you what to do once you get a PCOS diagnosis. you feel really lost and confused and i get that. i hope things work out for you and you can get on T down the road, if that's what you want for yourself

#asks #answers #pcos #intersex #hormones #estrogen #hrt #menstruation tw #menstruation mention #resources #my experiences

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streettealee · 10 months

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theory i've had running for a while now about how various downworlders represent different aspects/forms of neurodivergence and mental illness. and without being too spoilery about ~anything~ I was reminded of the connection I made a while back, long story short, do you think werewolves could represent something like the mood swings in bipolar or bpd or even autistic meltdowns? i know it's a very out there ask but i have IDEAS

TW: steroids, personal medical experience

That's quite an interesting take to think about. Without, of course, being spoilery about anything: when I write about werewolves, I more had in mind a period of my life where I was actually on steroids (prescribed by a doctor) on and off. At first, they feel kind of amazing, because they made a chronic pain I've been living with since the age of eleven disappear like it'd never been there. But I had a lot of energy all of a sudden. I struggled to sleep at all for many nights, and when I did, it was extremely lightly. My appetite increased dramatically and sometimes wasn't there at all. And I had wilder mood swings than I think I've ever had in my life. My skin broke out in acne worse than ever. The first time I was on steroids, I was only about thirteen, when a lot of my hormones were also going wild out of natural processes - and, of course, this medication threw them further out of balance, from my understanding.

I was aggressive, more physical, highly self-conscious, easily angered, quick to sadness and meltdowns, extreme in happiness, hyper, just... it was an intense experience. I got into arguments more. Literally took to punching a guy I had a crush on (just in the shoulder, but the intent to hurt, oddly, was there because of some provocation he did some days) and, on one occasion, throwing food at him (I have the distinct feeling he found it much less amusing than I did at the time). He confessed he had a crush on me too (I have no idea why and now I'm concerned for him upon reflection) but instead of being nice about it, I ignored him (for an entire year. As in I did not directly talk to him for the duration of a year.) I pushed myself physically further than I should have when lifting weights. I remember literally feeling like I could run up walls, wanting to try it, needing to bolt outside and run up the hills like a hound let loose. Everything about me was snappy, in a way. Words, moods. I couldn't focus either. Blew up in class at people. Hated myself. Was driven to a very, very dark place, the worst I've ever been in. There were, admittedly, other factors.

But I'll never forget how invincible I felt while on steroids or how much I craved them when the pain came back. The only thing holding me back from dangerously consuming more outside of what was prescribed was the fear of becoming as unstable as I was again. I scared myself with who I became and I'm still a little scared of her now.

In equal parts, I felt good, but I also felt like absolute shit. I had energy yet was simultaneously exhausted. Being on the medication and then off was, for a decent while, a real struggle (I did not suffer actual withdrawal, because my doctor was careful about that, but I did still suffer from intense mood swings for a while after I stopped taking the medication). It's what I draw inspiration from when writing about werewolves because of how changed they are when first turned. To me, werewolves have more to do with having more of things inside you that you lacked before, that you don't know what to do with, that lashes out and struggles to stay in no matter how desperately a distant, quiet part of you is saying "this isn't me, I know who I am, why can't I just be like I was?" Not so much a monster within as a version of you that is reflected tenfold outward, with less of your sensibilities. If, well, that makes sense. That was my experience I drew from. Changing and being not like yourself in a frightening way you feel like you can't control.

Honestly, I don't know enough about bipolar or BPD or autistic meltdowns to say with any confidence that Cassandra Clare was likely using werewolves as an allegory for these things. I barely have a clue what goes on in her mind after ChoT and some of the author talks I've seen her post. I used to think I knew what she was about, but I'm lost now. When I've seen CC write about newly turned werewolves, they are highly volatile, who need time and training before they can even interact with the wider world (hence the existence of the Praetor Lupus, for example, and some packs in general).

I could imagine werewolves representing some mental illness, but I'm unsure about a disorder or aspect of one. I'm wary of the possibility of unflattering comparisons that may harm others who may not appreciate the idea. What I will say is that when I write of werewolves, they represent a self that is intensified often beyond recognition, some change in you that you eventually learn to accommodate for and live with or control in some ways. I hope that all made sense <3

#tlh #the last hours #werewolves #wbithom #wasting beats in this heart of mine #fanfic #tlh fanfic

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starseers · 2 years

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hi! so basically I was wondering do u have any tips on can someone know for sure if they have alters or if it is singlet fluid identity or personas/ocs/etc? what does singlet fluid identity look like compared to a system switching through alters? when u only know two possible alters how can one know more when no communication method has worked? and is it normal for one alter to stay at the front for a long time and just not think about whose fronting and such and still be a system? how did u figure it out if u are okay with sharing..

Okay well that's a lot to go through, gonna tap the "I'm not a professional, just a dude" sign again though, were also dyslexic and just generally bad at processing things so sorry if we read something wrong

First of all, I've never heard the term "singlet fluid", so I can't give input on that. I'm gonna guess you're questioning if your a system though. It's a... Weird experience.

I did ask our partner system (@sleepysystem-vibes ) for some input though, and here's their response;

For how we found out- This is a bit of a hand me down story cause I'm a new(er) alter, so excuse lack of details, but an old host had been looking into intrusive thoughts a lot and found an article comparing intrusive thoughts and DID. It was a shit article looking back on it but it got us on the right track.

We looked into it a bit more and basically, it filled all the holes any other things we've researched couldn't fill. Not hallucinations, not intrusive thoughts, and not mood swings.

The best advice I can really give you is just go with your gut. Most systems I've talked to all say it just felt right, either that or they were suddenly diagnosed.

You can ask yourself simple questions though:

Do I have gaps in my childhood?

Do I deal with often dissociation/derealization/depersonalization?

Do I ever feel like I'm watching my life from a TV screen/ not in control of my body?

Those are just some I can come up with off the top of my head, but they can be helpful.

For OCs vs. alters- oh boy don't worry, we went through that too. It's even worse when your ocs are also alters. Introjection can make things confusing lol

We actually started our whole discovery process because of OCs. There's a barrier between daydream and sentience (that's likely the wrong word but I can't think of anything better rn). We realized these "OCs" we're still being "daydreamed" even when we stopped and we gain traits and characteristics of them, which is partially natural, we all pick up traits of characters we like. However, there were periods when these traits would come and go, later learning that's certain alters moving close and away from front.

I honestly can't be much help in that department though, it just took a lot of time and communication for us. If they want to be know, they'll tell you. The best thing that helped us was the phrase we still use during low days; "You wouldn't have to question this if there wasn't a reason to question it."

Something is there that makes you turn your head, and that's what you should focus on.

For switching- switching is... Complicated. There's different types of switch, different experiences, different experiences depending on the alter- etc. I'd recommend looking up "possessive switching" and "non-possessive switching" to help you figure out if you are switching though.

For how one alter can know more than another- dissociative barriers. Simple as that. The disorder is made to protect you from intense childhood trauma, it's just part of the shebang. Don't know what that means? Google is a luxury we don't realize! Look it up.

For alters staying in front- that is extremely common. It's usually called being front-stuck. It's a miracle I'm even fronting right now considering our host is painfully front stuck a lot. It's natural, and it'll pass. Same for not knowing who's fronting. If you mean as in not caring to ask who's fronting, that's normal too. We've flat out forgot we're a system multiple times before! Life just gets busy and frankly? It's not healthy to fixate on your system 24/7 like most would suggest.

Now, best tip of all? Don't depend on social media. Google research papers, they're there for a reason and easy to access. Hell, I don't know your situation but if you're at all able, go to a therapist- specifically a trauma specialist because anything else will likely waste your time. There's a lot of misinformation online, especially about dissociative identity disorder, be careful who you listen to and check the credibility of what you read. Don't even take my word for it, you have no idea who I am, I'm not even an adult! We got lost in a shit ton of misinfo at the beginning and I'd hate to see you fall in it too, with that being said though, I wish they best of luck to you!

#so sorry if this is messy im dissociated and dont feel like re reading this another 5 times lol #sys followers my beloveds you are free to add on if you want #📀🛠️✶.*̥˚#⋅•⋅⊰ asks! ⊱⋅•⋅#did #dissociative identity disorder #did system #traumagenic system #endos dni #tulpas dni #new system #did community

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golden--doodler · 9 months

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Random facts about my Gravity Falls OCs Maggie and Sydney (they're girlfriends :3) that absolutely no one asked for because I'm in a certain mood. I'm probably going to end up doing this again later with my Mission Impossible OC like I teased in that earlier post:

Maggie Pines

--The most Lesbian to ever Lesbian. Seriously, she can give any Queer person a run for their money. Anyone talking about liking guys legitimately fascinates her sometimes because of how foreign it is to her.

--She first discovered her Lesbianness because Mabel was watching the movie How Did They Set Up Manny Mongoose? (which is a spoof on Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) and the gorgeous wife of Manny Mongoose, Joanne Mongoose (supposed to be Jessica Rabbit) appeared for the first time. She was enthralled.

--She's the oldest triplet and doesn't let Dipper and Mabel forget it. She may have been born only five minutes before Mabel and ten minutes before Dipper, but it still very much counts in her eyes.

--Was born with six fingers on each hand (postaxial polydactyly) and while she thinks it can be fun sometimes (it's actually made her better at video gaming than the average person) she's actually quite insecure about it.

--Has horrendous eyesight. She's been wearing glasses since the first grade. However, she's never needed braces like Mabel.

--Has asthma, but has never let it hold her back from being an extremely active person. She loves exercise, which is bad news for her lungs.

--Her favorite food is Pad Thai and her least favorite food is Curry. She could have a good bowl of Pad Thai any day of the week.

--Has undiagnosed, fairly high functioning Autism, which has led her throughout her life to not understand social cues very well (and just social interaction in general), has a hard time getting excited about things that aren't related to her special interests (mainly science), and just in general is always stimming in subtle ways. She gestures when she talks like there's no tomorrow, and tends to repeat things a lot, too.

--Yes, she's started getting her Period already. And yes, she has the biggest mood swings while she's on it out of anyone. Whenever it happens, she just needs to be locked away in a restroom by herself with some scented candles and music.

--Is allergic to syrup (it gives her pretty severe, uncomfortable hives that take a long time to go away).

--Is left-handed and very proud of it.

--Is a hardcore Ravenclaw.

Sydney Strange

--She's very Pansexual. She's known ever since she was quite young because whenever she talked to someone and started to like them, she realized how she never cared about or fixated on anyone's gender. All she cared about was if they were a good person or not, and if they could make her laugh. Having a sense of humor is an integral trait for a partner in her eyes.

--She's the adopted daughter of Tad Strange, the joke character from The Stanchurian Candidate. Yes, really.

--Her personality is the polar opposite of Tad's. She's a bit mischievous, is always up for an adventure, and is always prepared for some sort of potential natural disaster. She would be the type to seek out danger and just in general be a lot more reckless if it weren't for him.

--One of her favorite memories was when Tad finally let her take rock climbing lessons. However, she eventually got a bit bored with it because of how many harnesses were used. So, she began free-climbing all of the walls. This led to her falling one day, and she would've been seriously injured or worse if it weren't for the protective mats. She got a big earful about that afterward.

--She's Half-Salvadorian on her birth mother's side, and Half-African American on her birth father's side, which led to her having very dark skin. She also has startlingly green eyes.

--She's actually red-green colorblind but is able to pass as a regularly sighted person very well in her day-to-day life, to the point where almost no one notices unless she tells them. Her favorite color is blue because it's the color she can see and point out the most clearly.

--She has undiagnosed ADHD, which has led to her not doing very well in school, unfortunately. She's incredibly disorganized, forgetful, and hyper-talkative, which made school a huge challenge. And despite being a social butterfly, and being around other kids one of the only aspects of school she liked, she wasn't very popular and didn't have very many friends growing up.

--Despite her bravery, she actually has pretty severe Thalassophobia (fear of the ocean) and doesn't know how to swim. Even thinking about treading really deep water can trigger a mild panic attack. That's because she has a general fear of how vast and seemingly neverending the ocean is and because she got lost while trying to swim in the ocean when she was very young, and almost had a run-in with a shark.

--Despite her fear of the ocean, she's incredibly fascinated by space and the stars. She's the type to enjoy reading about astrological signs, and even used to want to be an astronaut when she was younger. That dream faded over time, though. This fascination with space led to Science Fiction being her favorite genre. She adores movies like The Thing.

--Is very skilled at playing the guitar, but is incredibly shy when people ask her to play. She eventually worked up the courage to play in front of Maggie, who enjoyed it a ton.

--Is Ambidextrous! She favors her left hand, though.

--She's a Gryffindor!

#gravity falls #gravity falls oc #doing this was actually so much fun #i love sharing random facts about my characters #mainly because it also helps remind me/get a handle on their personalities more #also i'm just the sort of person who's obsessed with little details about characters like what they're allergic to and things like that

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