#and also again how they're so emotionally constipated for real.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 9 months

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I've talked about romantic/sexual yandere Miguel being goaded on by an alternate of himself or another you, but, I'm also thinking about platonic yandere parental/guardian Miguel getting a little 'push' to realize he wants you to play a more central role in his life, either from being in competition with an alternate of his or outright being told by his alternate that it's what he should do

You're just in the Spider Society minding your own business and you see Miguel talking to, Another Miguel, but this one has glasses or a beauty mark or some distinguishing feature. The two of them are discussing anomalies and "the fate of the multiverse" and other such serious topics when you stroll by, giving a wave and such as hello when the second Miguel actually pauses their conversation to greet you, actually being, well, much like YOUR Miguel with his occasional sarcastic snark but, friendlier, introducing himself to you, shaking your hand, asking you questions like how old you are, how long have you been a Spider, etc, amd you're ready to start cracking jokes about how, maybe you'll start spending time with this new Miguel instead since 'yours' is suddenly so grumpy, when. Oh dear, the awkward thing happens. Here comes the other you, bounding right up to the other Miguel, "Papá, there you are 🥰 this place is like a maze and I got lost looking for you, dont leave me behind again 🥺"

Both you and Miguel are watching your alternates interact, actually silently internally in some weird sort of agreement with "this is kind of weird but also oddly wholesome... what the fuck, why do I want what they have..." but it's just. It's also just a little weird. You're literally watching another you cuddle up to another version of your boss, calling the man their dad, acting like they're legitimately his child, with the other man actually being genuinely caring and considerate back. Eventually in private Dad!Miguel asks Miguel about his relationship with you and is basically met with "what relationship. That's just my coworker" as Dad!Miguel rolls his eyes at his emotionally constipated alternate who's apparently going to need a little encouragement

Part of me is like, what if some bullshit happens like, Dad!Miguel is all "oh yeah well if you have such a handle on things and think they can take care of themself without any support or guidance, what are they doing right now" and Miguel is all huffy and all FINE LETS SEE, IM SURE THEYRE FINE and goes to, use his monitors or whatever to spy on you and, you're having like a mental episode, a real crying session, some real boo hoo sobbing and maybe even cutting yourself as Miguel is "coincidentally" having an epiphany that, hey, maybe you DO need an extra mentor figure in your life... maybe he can... ask you about your day and stuff? Dad!Miguel over here ready to rip his hair out as he realizes your Miguel went through all the second universe stuff and is now an emotionally bottled mess and, in a way needs you as much as you need him

Whether to encourage his alternate or help you since you resemble 'his child', despite all awkward differences, Dad!Miguel sees that you're lonely and struggling and, kinda partially adopts you, becoming something of a mentor, checking in on you, scolding you to est something when his advanced hearing picks up on your stomach growling, making small talk, little things like that, but routinely, becoming a bit of a fixture in your life

Months down the line your Miguel is minding his own business having a pretty ok day and he rounds the corner and. It's Dad! Miguel, convincing you to let him comb your hair because you ran out of the house without doing anything with it first and you've been kind of stressed and tired. Miguel just starting to kind of feel what can only be identified as envy and jealousy as he watches Dad!Miguel spending time with you, "so, are you graduated by now? My child (the other you) is still in university right now" "oh no, I'm not really doing college" "what, but you're so smart! I think you can do anything you put your mind to--"

Miguel turns his back and next time he turns around, Dad!Miguel is getting you gifts for your birthday and it turns out he regularly visits you. The original man's strolling through the lobby and suddenly he sees you with his alternate that he's really starting to hate and, are you speaking Spanish? Since when did you learn Spanish? Did he TEACH you? Have you been spending so much time together that the other him even had that opportunity?

He's just standing there watching Dad!Miguel like, braid your hair or help clean your glasses or do something that's like, platonic but personal, caring, affectionate, and suddenly your Miguel is having the realization, "did this bitch just steal you right under my nose. Did he just baby code MY baby 😤"

Miguel overhears you happily call his alternate Tío and, that's it, he gets so mad he confronts the other him about it in private basically then and there, the other man basically just like "well clearly YOU weren't giving them the support they needed--" and proceeding to give advice on how to get close to you, things you're stressed about and struggling with, things you were too shy and scared to open up about to the original Miguel or anyone who isn't a trusted friend

An alternate version of the YouTwo disaster where YouTwo wants to steal your life because you "stole their dad" when Dad!Miguel spends time with you and they assume they're being replaced out of jealousy, or maybe he even outright wants you for himself, or maybe Dad!Miguel outright meets his unfortunate end in an unrelated villain thing and YouTwo comes to steal YOUR "dad". YouTwo who's more unhinged than ever because their Miguel kind of "broke them in" to be their loving little child and doesn't handle either being replaced or losing the only loved one and source of support they cared about

Of course this is to say, it would DEFINITELY be "unfortunate" if you and Dad!Miguel got so, so close and, then suddenly the man dies and is violently ripped from your life just when you're starting to heal and be happy again and, suddenly you're so heartbroken and vulnerable and, THIS is the moment when your Miguel finally steps up to the plate to truly take care of you amd fully assimilate into your life. You're breaking down sobbing, literally the kind of crying where you can't even stand, you just collapse, and, here he is to pick you up and hold you, embrace you, shoosh you gently and rub your back and let you cry while he helps you feel safe again. He's sorry he's late, but he's here now, so let Papá give you nice big hugs while you cry and then take you back home, ok? His home. Technically YOUR home now, that the two of you share. You'll get served all your favorite foods and made sure you're looked after and, when its time for bed and you get those violent nightmares and images of how your beloved Tío was killed right in front of you and can't manage to sleep, your Papá is there to help hold you and comfort you until you're finally softly snoring in his arms. he looks at you, how heartbroken and, in his eyes, helpless you are, and vows that if anyone ever tries to hurt, or wrong you, or some punk who doesn't deserve you tries to taint your purity, that he'll rip them apart like a wild animal

After all, that's just what good fathers do

#yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #yandere x reader #sinprompts #yandere stuff #i need to actuallt WRITE. i need to actually WRITE i desire this man in so many ways 😩

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

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I heard down the grapevine that Santi reads crime novels, and I am also aware of his hot-pocket-rotating-in-a-microwave brain, sooo... Santi with a Sherlock Holmes type of S/O?

And by that I just mean super intelligent (way too intelligent and they're a smarmy asshole about it), can deduct almost anything from just a look (it's freaky to most people), works as a private detective... But is also socially constipated, has no real friends, and learnt what they do know about sex solely from books and the Internet (and definitely need Santi as a 'tutor', wink wink).

[Hmm, I'm not sure how this would work in the long-run, so excuse the briefness.]

So- Essentially, you're Sherlock and Watson. But Watson's very horny and took a couple wrenches to the head. An interesting dynamic, yes.

Naturally, you can tell what Santi wants from you as soon as he sets his eyes on your figure. Not that he's ever made an effort to hide his intentions, your intellect just gives you a heads up. And although you might be flustered or feel out of depth around him, a greatly uncomfortable experience for someone as used to being "in the know" as you, it won't be hard for you to maybe gouge what the demon's like and try to skirt around his attempts to bed you. Just one little thing that you can focus on and use to divert the conversation, carefully posed questions, the works- Although, Santi's used to conversation with his meals, and he can sense discomfort, your discomfort, so long as you keep humoring his presence, he won't push for sex much. You won't escape without a promise of seeking him out again, a phone number at least.

It's only after he starts reflecting about your conversation that Santi wises up. You knew things about him you shouldn't. Little details, yes, nothing concerning, but details nonetheless. You're highly intelligent, and he knows he's going to have to be on his toes- But he's also thrilled. He knew you caught his attention for some reason, but unlike you, Santi doesn't question his gut too much when it tells him to follow a person. It's just like his favorite books, oh you came straight out of those pages, he's sure.

Although emotionally constipated (or stunted) yourself, as an observer, you can likely spot the telltale signs of infatuation. And you'll see them in Santi very early on. Dilated pupils -As tricky as a lust demon's eyes are, this is still reliable- Softer, less facetious grins, longing stares, gentler tones, a crystal clear desperation to keep you hooked on him- Personal nicknames, gifts, the works! He does call you Sherlock, which is something you're likely sick of by now. But he also calls you Minx, his darling Athena. That's... New.

Seeing his infatuation progress, being aware of it, likely takes a sour turn when you start to grasp how unhinged the demon is slowly getting. The signs of obsession are something you've probably already had contact with in your professional life, but seeing such directed at yourself is a whole new story, isn't it?

You know right away what your Achilles' heel is. Sex.

You can't let Santi get you aroused.

If he arouses you, he wins, your rationale is significantly impaired, he takes control because you have no experience. In that state, he can do anything to you. Anything. Mark you, keep you at arm's length always, make you crave him- If not romantically then at least bodily.

Every single day that passes, you can tell the demon grows more and more restless. Beneath the charm he exudes, beneath his helpful attitude during your work, his jokes and smiles- He burns alive. He burns for a taste of you. He's a ticking time bomb and you can see it in the way his fingers twitch.

You have to make some choices now. Think them over very well.

#Santi oc

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casdeans-pie · 1 year

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Okay so I have this post-finale fix-it fic that lives in my head rent free and I hope to one day write it but basically

(Also I'm scribbling over the bits of canon I don't want and using the bits I do)

Jack decides that a new batch of angels can fight the war against newly rising evil supernatural creatures, instead of humans, because he's sad at seeing how hunting messes up their lives.

These new angels will be made using the souls of once-humans in heaven, given the chance to become lesser-powered angels and go down to earth to protect humans. But as the new angels are made with souls, they'll have the ability to feel and won't be as powerful as the purely grace-powered ones from before.

They'll be able to walk on earth in vessels created in the image of their previous bodies - as they were when they died.

They won't have to eat or sleep, and they can heal themselves and each other.

But the new angels will not just be soldiers fighting the war against newly emerging evil, they will be protectors and guardians - they will have the capacity for empathy and love and kindness.

Jack decides the people who will be given the chance to become the new angels are hunters who died too soon, or are unhappy with the unchanging, never ending peace in heaven.

Congratulations Dean! You're both of those!

Jack proposes the offer to Dean - be infused with grace enough to be one of these new angels and he can walk on earth again to hunt things and save people. Whilst also being able to come back to heaven to visit Sam (who Jack will leave alone and not ask) and the rest of the people he loves in heaven.

Dean considers the offer for a while, because while he is unfulfilled with his life in heaven - he drives around, he visits Bobby, he talks with Sam, he drives around some more, he drinks beer that isn't real, he visits his mom, and he tries not to dwell on his mistakes (of which there are many and heaven has infinite time to find them floating around his head)

So in the end he agrees.

(Sam thinks it's a bad idea)

Dean still hasn't spoken to Cas since coming to heaven, and wonders what his opinion would be on it...

So Jack tells Dean that his vessel will be made with the blueprint they already have, by someone who's already got the experience. And Dean's only got time to be like, Cas? before his vision whites out

And BAM! Then we get Dean, deposited back on earth into a familiar barn, looking exactly as he did when he crawled out of his grave many years ago, and Cas, who Jack gave a vessel to, looking exactly as he did when they first met.

And Cas just says, "hello, Dean."

And now that Dean is an angel, though a lower powered one, he needs help to control his powers, and he has to learn how to fly (ofc he has wings now) and how to shift between earth and heaven.

Cas is obviously his teacher

Dean has an angel blade, but the ones from the new angels are shorter. Like teeny tiny angelic murder daggers

They become a demon hunting, people saving, duo. And Dean has to navigate his feelings and Cas has to navigate his feelings but they're both very emotionally constipated and they dance around the fact that they are just, stupidly in love with each other at all times.

It's especially difficult for Dean when Cas has to get handsy to teach him how to use his powers.

The other new angels are young hunters (Jo!) or older hunters (Ellen!)

And Dean thrives in this new life.

There's the potential for angel power shenanigans - sometimes Cas will gently touch Dean's shoulder like he used to, but now whatever light bulb is nearby will pop in response to how Dean feels about it. (The first time they kiss the city they're in has a blackout.)

They heal each other when they're injured on a hunt, but the intricacies of touching each other for healing is full of so much sexual tension you could cut it with a knife.

And yeah. This is basically because I've seen a lot of fics argue over Endgame Angel!Cas vs Endgame Human!Cas and I was like, okay BUT how about Endgame Angel!Dean ????

And also we get the season 4 looking Cas and Dean destiel content we deserved

#sorry this got long and ran away with me #fic ideas that appeal to me and me only *jazz hands*#but I had to write it down because the idea was bouncing around my head 24/7 and driving me mad #destiel #destiel fanfiction #castiel #dean winchester #angel!dean #spn finale fix it #my fanfiction #destiel ficlet

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sw4tch · 7 months

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*you're sitting across from me at the bar and I'm 5 drinks in and rambling* OK BUT you know what has been haunting my brain? Just how fucking LESBIAN CODED cyclonus, tailgate, and whirl are.

First of all, ALL of their holoforms are WOMEN. I am fascinated by this. You see, these are giant robots that by all means are meant to be interpreted as men. AND YET. THE QUEER IDENTITY IS THERE IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. Again, gender with these robots is so fun.

The holoforms are just a way to give the transformers human forms, and like, mostly they aren't super relevant/used seriously as a 1:1 human version of them- they're used here and there in clever ways but they are never the focus. And that's okay i don't mind. BUT I AM OBSESSED with the particular choice to give THIS trio their forms.

For starters, cyclonus and tailgate are gay for each other. Love wins, etc etc. But even though i could see why normie people could interpret tailgate as a girl (his "feminine traits" in heavy quotes just being how Sensitive and Nice he is), i would have never expected Cyclonus to be given the Lady Treatment in canon.

And yet it's such a strike of genius. I am obsessed with her. A goth victorian lady! Cyclonus being a goth victorian lady is so good in so many levels. Tailgate gets a new version of his holoform too and it's a petite girl. Cute enough but the only important detail here is that also she's a #Girl. Lesbian win! The goth victorian lady is in love with a cute femme.

ANYWAY- THEN THERE'S WHIRL. This loose cannon who's a mean bastard that takes incredible joy in being violent takes the form of a jinx from lol expy with an eyepatch. The first version is very cute and childish and the second version is just the grown up version of that (with great eyebrows i must add). And like. Hello? For some reason the "crazy mean badass" character being A Girl is a surprising choice to me.

Mostly because i am used to characters like Cyclonus and Whirl not being """emasculated""" in anyway by the narrative (they're Big Powerful Dangerous Men! Isn't that the Power Fantasy?)

But Cyclonus is gay, so maybe that gives him a Girl Free Pass (he gets removed from the Power Fantasy in the eyes of normies)

But WHIRL??? WHIRL is the most fascinating to me. He's an ASSHOLE. He tries very hard to come off as an ASSHOLE because that's his trauma response. HE'S GOOD AT BEING A KILLING MACHINE. And he's funny as hell!! My point is, Whirl is so fucking COOL. Male readers would loveeee to identify themselves with him. And yet, his human form is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl With Guns.

Like, sure, i get it, i guess the average male comic reader wouldn't mind if they could Waifu-fy their favorite guy. But would that in their minds be "emasculating"? Impossible to tell what the consensus is abour Re: Whirl being A Girl.

Anyway.

Now the important topic of how This makes this trio The Most Lesbian Coded Robots Of All Time.

With the information given, we already have Cyclonus and Tailgate being gay and in love. Since in general these robots have no real concept of Gender, you might as well claim they're He/Him Masc Lesbians and you'd be extremely right.

But also there's Cyclonus and Whirl and their extremely special friendship/relationship. Whirl inserts himself in Cyclonus life first as an enemy and later on as his STRONGEST emotional support. Incredibly fascinating to me. And like, we have established already that THEY'RE BOTH WOMEN in their holoforms so it's just really easy to picture them as Girl Besties Bonded By Trauma.

I keep trying to like, justify my view of these robots as Lesbians but like. I know it's just my interpretation but also I Am Right!

But the true meat of the Issue is that I am completely in love with this idea because by making these seemingly Male Presenting Robots into women, suddenly they're so so so endearing to me, more than anything.

Cyclonus is an extremely repressed and emotionally constipated character. He could NOTTTT confess his feelings directly to Tailgate at all EVEN THOUGH he was willing to die and kill the entire universe just to keep him safe. He loved that little bot with all of his heart and HE KNEW IT, TAILGATE KNEW IT, THE ENTIRE SHIP KNEW IT and yet he could not bring himself to say I Love You until it was too late.

You could not be surprised by me saying how this, too, is Yuri. It's the deep repression of feelings for me. Such a lesbian experience (which, yes, it is in general a queer experience, but remember we're talking about WOMEN here). Which Cyclonus as a man and being like this? Good, fantastic, i still love it. But Cyclonus as a woman and BEING like this??? Delicious, showstopping, spectacular- SUDDENLY SHE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

Now, Tailgate, our favorite little guy of all time. There's so many things to be said about him. He starts off as the only guy in the entire world to have no trauma from the war because he just missed it entirely. So he starts off with the Sweetest Attitude because he is the only one that can still afford to be Sweet and Naive naturally. But ALSO. He is a straight up self aggrandizing LIAR. Tailgate is very insecure! He makes up these stories about him being a recognized hero, about being a certified bomb disposal expert, about being destined to be in the Ark and just missing it by a little chance- but truly he's just terrified of everyone knowing how he's not special at all. How he hasn't done anything with his life.

It is perhaps a shallow reading, but all of these traits make it so easy to picture him as a struggling fail woman. Naivete, kindness, Low Self Esteem, you got yourself a combo of how people usually write Nice Girls. Especially with how anxious tailgate can be sometimes! He was just born to be a Cute Moe Fail Girl for anyone to fall in love with.

And *drum roll* WHIRL. First of all, I think what truly does it for me about Whirl but as a Woman is just that he is a marvelous combination of traumas and HORRIBLE coping mechanisms. He is both victim and perpetrator of Violence. The system fucked him up and he went ahead and served the system to Start The Goddamn War by Abusing His Power. And he LOATHES himself for it. He believes himself a monster and then goes "well you better believe i am the best Monster there ever WAS" to take control of his life in the only way the War ever let him.

Ngl fam, if anything, the way Whirl's trauma is so intertwined with his Empurata aka His Body Issues- he's just a very Trans Character to Me. (And, COMING FROM AN ENBY PERSON MIND YOU, it is very hard not to enjoy making an Attack Helicopter joke about Whirl and his gender because. Well. He literally is one.)

It's about his bodily autonomy being stripped from him and then him deciding to have his rage about it fuel him. Whirl as a woman is genius truly. Whirl has made himself BY CHOICE a killing machine. It's hard not to also apply that to his gender. He also decided to embrace his female holoform, he even enjoys braiding her hair. She is a wolverine woman. A woman that bites and spits and has rabies. A woman with anger seated deep within her ribs and a sadness buried even deeper. (And as a bonus, she also seems to have a Maternal instinct.) She's also someone that saw Cyclonus and Tailgate being deeply in love and said "scoot over, i want me some of that" and made herself a third wheel in between two people that also grew to love her very much.

It's just.

Do you see where i am coming from!!! These 3 are women and lesbians and in love! They're in a fun complicated relationship with each other in which they all have their issues but one way or another they all gravitate towards each other because they CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER.

Just...!!! Ough!!!!! They're complex and interpreting them as women scratches such a good urge in my brain to have women i can relate to!!! That i can find Real in their complexity!!!!! It feels silly to me to be so passionate about The Robots Made To Sell Toys Being Lesbians but also... cmon!!!!! Cmon!!!!!!!!

It comes entirely from my nonbinary point of view of course, but this Gender Play of "very male presenting Robots that have no concept of gender and also are Gay being interpreted in canon as Women in their alternative form" is JUST CATNIP TO ME.

Like YES, YESSS gender is fake but these robots somehow found a way to be #Girls despite it all

#the most unhinged rant to ever grace my mind ngl #snaily blabber #but also. i am Right.

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wonwoonlight · 2 years

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I hope I'm not too late to the game, but I just wanted to share my two cents about your writing as a fellow carat writer in a similar boat! I also don't write smut for similar reasons and I've talked to other writers about it before. Frankly, I do think it plays a role in the reason we have the audience we do. That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with it either! You should write what feels right and comfortable for you. I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think it's ever expected that you shift in that direction either - if you do, great! If you don't, also fine! If we all wrote the same genre on caratblr, it would get really boring fast 😅 and our audience is vast. We need a little mix of all sorts of writers.

Personally, I really enjoy your writing because of the subtilties in the characters' relationships. The gestures are never too big, but never too small - just enough to show us how much the gist/antics of each character and how they get along, whether it be the main couple or side characters. Off the top of my head, for example, in 'by the moon,' it was clear to me that Seungcheol found so much value in the MC even if he didn't say or do much - it's the way he looks at her, the way he tenses up when Wonwoo gets hurt because he knows it'll hurt MC. Writing smut is one way of showing love, but it's also not the only way. They communicate well (when they need to LOL) and you explain their feelings so simply, but eloquently. It's easy to read and easy to understand. In particular, as someone who struggles with writing the emotions of the MC (I'm very emotionally constipated LOL), I've always admired this about your work - as a reader, you understand where the MC is coming from and it's as if you're living in their head, watching the whole thing play out. You get frustrated because you know what they feel and you know what's right for them, but you can't do anything to help them.

I also think your stories flow very smoothly, especially the dialogues! There never feels like there's a 'hole' in the plot. I'm guilty of this myself, but sometimes when series go on for too long, certain storylines amidst the main one gets lost and it leaves people scratching their heads. It's satisfying when I finish reading your stories. As for the dialogues, they're never cheesy or overdramatic, especially when it's very easy to make them so. For example, in 'My Daisy,' I still vividly remember when Mingyu confesses to MC and asks if he's a candidate as her boyfriend - bruh, so smooth and so slick! Men could never IRL!!! LOL jk jk. I like to pride myself on not being able to flustered easily, but it's safe to say, that stole my heart yo- again, it was smooth without being corny.

Along the same lines, your writing is very mature and realistic to the struggles of young adulthood. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but as an older fanfic reader/writer, high school!au's and even some uni!au's are hard for me to relate to being out of that phase of my life for a while now. Even though I'm still in school for a post-grad program and not working yet, the insecurities of dating your own co-worker/boss, speeding into a relationship when you thought you were a F2L kind of gal, etc - those were very real for me and I felt understood when reading 'My Daisy'!

This is getting long - I'm so sorry 😭 To wrap it all up, I would honestly read anything you put out in the future! You're one of my favorite writers on here and it's always a treat to read your work. However, I also know that's not helpful lol, so I'll hop on the zombie apocalypse train with knitwit anon 😂 I'm also a sucker for historical/sageuk!au's - I've read a couple of really good BTS and EXO ones, but I'm waiting to find THE right one from caratblr! LOL. A lot can go wrong in a love triangle 🤔, but I'm here for those too 😂 All these are romantic ideas . . . I'm not sure if you're looking to write those again or not, but just something to consider - it's nbd if you take these suggestions or not!

Don't doubt yourself too much, Khione! I know it's not much coming from me, but you're a really great writer and each and every one of your longer fics have been worth the wait💙

P.S. I know I wrote a lot 💀 so please don't feel obligated to reply to anything or anything at all! Just food for thought :) Get well soon!

I just wanna say I never expected anyone would spare the time, come into my ask, and write anything as long as this telling me all sort of things about what they feel abt my writing so let me cry in a corner as i imprint this into my mind to the point where i can recite it in sleep 🥲😭😭

tbh, i... always think i'm bad at expressing what my characters are feeling. like... am i repetitive? didn't i use this expression a few paragraphs ago? didn't i write smth like this in previous works?

there's always doubt in my head about how i describe things.

so to read all of this.. to know that you, as a reader and a fellow writer, think of my works this way, it gives me comfort beyond measure😭😭 i genuinely felt like crying when i read the parts where you pointed out certain scenes on top of your mind; like, wow, you remember those??? you have a certain thought regarding them?????

let me sob in a corner

and don't worry about what i'm looking for! i was just looking to see what my readers have in mind, a little survey while i have the time. so, definitely noted! i can't imagine myself writing a historical au tbh, but we'll never know, right? 😉😉 and perhaps it is time that i write a brutal love triangle, a full brown drama once in a while wouldnt hurt right 😉

thank you again holly for considering me one of your favorite writer jshdfbhjsdbf will cry myself to sleep as i think abt ur ask tonight <///3

#i cant believe you did this to me <///3 #i do not deserve this at all 😭😭#holly🥴💙#my beloveed #ask #my starlights❄

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frogsandfries · 1 year

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I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

I was in the shower today and I was, once again, thinking about how my gyno suggested a gastric bypass. I guess my feelings on this have galvanized.

I know there's about a ten year gap in my medical records, from not having health insurance, but my weight was stable until I got to NM.

I don't know what happened.

It mostly pissed me off that my PCP has never listened to me--not really. She never leaves me room to really talk about or look at what I want to take care of.

I'm also pissed off that I've gained about forty additional pounds--even after blood testing my hormones. Because the doctors just wanted to focus on my weight, which was fucking up my blood pressure, and then fucked up my blood sugar.

I know my blood pressure was literally dangerously high. I'm not stupid. But even after we got it under control, my doctor still didn't want to give me the treatment that I need to get on with my life as I want it. Instead, she suggested gastric bypass--which is only going to make my situation worse.

I'm pissed off that I'm taking a cocktail of prescription drugs instead of getting to the core issue: My fucking hormones. My. Fucking. Hormones.

I've been as moody and emotional as a teenager this month, but also, the wind has stopped blowing right through me. It's always too hot. Now instead of just rampantly sweating all night because of certain medications, I'm sweating all night because I'm actually hot. It's amazing. I feel....... alive!

And now I'm pissed because........I never needed to be on this cocktail of blood pressure medication and SSRIs and now fucking A1C medication.

Needed

Fucking

Hormones

Fixed.

I'm trying to balance how furious I am against the reality of the situation. My blood pressure was dangerously high. For a long time. I obviously don't know exactly how long, but at least a year and a half or so. I'm trying to temper my frustration against the reality that it really would have been dangerous to correct my hormones artificially with my blood pressure out of control.

But not having the proper hormones in my system was a big contributor to my weight stability.

I might just be on blood pressure medication for the rest of my life. I can accept that; my family has a history of obesity and high blood pressure, and I'll do what it takes to lessen the impact of those issues on my body. But what if getting my hormones in order solves my weight problem and my depression issue?

I feel like the doctors have had me chasing my tail for almost two years.

The gastric bypass suggestion was a real slap in the face; it really affirmed that they weren't listening to me and didn't want to hear me.

It feels like the hormones I've been on this month have really........ cleared the fog. I have emotions. I got so angry, I cried! This..... emotionally constipated yelling and ranting thing.......... that's not me. It doesn't help. It doesn't make me feel better.

What the fuck are these doctors doing? Why are they wasting ten to fifteen years of their life if they aren't going to listen to their patients?? They looked at me and all they could see was fat, obesity, weakness. They're supposed to be the ones who went to school to figure out why people get fat and how to make them be not-fat.

I didn't get like this because I'm weak.

I didn't get like this because I have no willpower.

I didn't get like this because suddenly every day was Thanksgiving dinner.

I gained eighty pounds over my own personal target weight because of severe hormonal disruptions.

I'm mad as hell.

And I'm not going to take it anymore.

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johnnys-green-pen · 2 years

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I get what you’re saying! I guess to me it seems like the two aren’t truly close until like maybe late s2 early s3 ? Because wouldn’t it in verse be a couple months since pilot? (Also did they know each other before the pilot??? I can’t remember because that could knock my argument of don’t know each other well enough) While I say I don’t ship them, its a little bit of a lie because it’s more later seasons version of them I ship because they definitely move past some issues, tbh. Sorry to rant

Sorry if I’m getting ranty but you’re definitely right about Roy being emotionally constipated and he does strike me as someone who cares but is bad at showing it, if that makes sense? (This is the third ask I’ve sent, sorry once again if it’s to ranty)

Dear anon, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for, I love getting asks!

First of all, regarding the timeline: Johnny and Roy meet for the first time when Johnny signs up for the paramedic program in the pilot, at least as far as we know. He and Roy go through training together (3 months), then they're at Station 51 together for long enough that Johnny gets antsy about the Wedsworth-Townsend-Act still not being signed (an undetermined amount of time depending how patient you think Johnny is; might well be a couple months though) and then probably a timeskip of undetermined length between the pilot and the start of s1 given how much more settled everything is by then. I wouldn't be surprised if they've been working together for a bit under a year by the start of s1, but we don't know anything official and the writers don't seem too sure either.

Anyway. I don't have the chance to double-check right now, but I think I'd agree that Johnny and Roy grow considerably closer over the course of s2.

I personally still enjoy starting the ship off really early, but that's in part because I enjoy the idea of Johnny and Roy having spent years pining for each other, which makes it pretty much necessary to get an early start - but as per usual, that's obviously up to personal preference, and I think that pairing them up starting with the later seasons isn't a super uncommon choice.

And yeah, Roy caring but being bad at showing it is pretty much how I interpret him, too.

Again, thanks a bunch for the asks, my ask box has been mostly empty for a while now, so this is a real breath of fresh air!

#placeholder tag #I hope this is coherent #accidentally started replying to this WAY past my bedtime; oops

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andthedaysthatnevercame · 2 years

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Okay, so my headcanon for their first real talk that leads to a friendship takes place between Gridlock and Daleks in Manhattan.

So:

-The Doctor properly talks to Martha about why he's been so evasive and aloof to her during the events of the Shakespeare Code and Gridlock. (Without hanging over her head how much better Rose was)

Not hate against Billie, but tbh, Rose is really overrated for me.

-After apologizing, like he should, he asks Martha if she wishes to keep traveling with him, instead of the One Trip only excuse. Then, after he gets her answer, they leave for a new trip.

-Once in Manhattan, once they witness the fight between two men fighting for bread, he turns to her and tells her to stay close to him. (Courtesy of the memory of her being kidnapped in Gridlock).

-When he volunteers, he offers her the key to the Tardis,so in case anything happens, she can be safe. She refuses and volunteers with him. Surprised, he tells her he'll keep her safe.

The plot of the episode goes as usual until she runs off to chase one of the pig men and gets kidnapped again. (Making the Doctor almost go batshit crazy at the Daleks).

I had to rewatch the Dalek two parter to refresh my memory.

So,Martha gets taken to the tunnels by the pig-men and the Doctor goes after her.

-The Doctor and Talulah meet with Laszlo, and when he sees what the Daleks did to him, he demands to know if the same has been done to Martha. He makes Laszlo lead him to the Daleks, saying that he promised Martha he would protect her.

-When Martha and the others are being scanned, he has to be held back by both Talulah and Laszlo.

-When they meet again in the tunnels, instead of that "You can kiss me later", he grabs her hand and asks her if she's alright. They hold hands all the way. All the way to when they're standing infront of Dalek Sec.

Evolution of the Daleks:

-When the Doctor tricks the Daleks with the radio and tells everyone to run, he goes and grabs Martha's hand again. They run together all the way back to camp.

-When the Doctor gives his speech to the Daleks after they attack the camp and kill Solomon. Martha runs to stand infront of him, which makes the Doctor snap and try to push her behind him.

-When the Doctor is told to go with the Daleks, Martha stops him, begging him not to go. The Doctor hands her the keys to the Tardis again, in case he doesn't come back, and kisses her forehead before he goes.

kldfjsdkfj the doctor being protective over martha is truly one of my favorite things on the planet. i love those moments where we can see thru the cracks a little bit and see how he actually feels about her.

FULLY AGREE ABOUT ROSE BEING OVERRATED TBH. i really enjoyed her with nine but i thought her interactions with ten were just too cloying sweet for my tastes. she's kinda mid :/

i really like all the little changes you made! like its not plot altering but it just makes it a little softer and a little more kind to martha :) i think she got SHAFTED fr in canon. i also truly despise the way that the doctor "just one trip"'s her for like half the season so i think it's a good move for the doctor to make his own decision that he would like her to stay instead of being forced to say it. (one of these days i'll write an au where martha refuses to travel with him again after lazarus experiment and he spends a lot of time pining and repenting).

another thing i truly hate is when the doctor says "never waste time on a hug" to martha like. my brother in christ, you were the one who hugged her. he's so emotionally constipated.

i thoroughly enjoyed your thoughts on these episodes tho this was so fun

#just. protective tenmartha heart emoji #thanks so much for the ask feel free to send more #mailbox

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folatefangirl · 2 years

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BELLA FOR THE MEME PLZ

Full Name: Isabella ~~Gurl, Slay~~ Marie Swan Gender and Sexuality: Girl/Futch to Butch Lesbean Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Human Superpowered Vampire Slayer Birthplace and Birthdate: September 13, 1987 in Forks, Washington Guilty Pleasures: energy drinks, doomscrolling, Norwegian black metal Phobias: losing her powers, claustrophobia, rejection by the people she trusts wholly What They Would Be Famous For: Stopping a lot of humans from being murdered/solving cases the cops don't care about/being a Vampire Slayer who takes no shit. What They Would Get Arrested For: In this police state society, what can't cops arrest you for anymore? 🙃 But realistically, probably for meddling with cop affairs too much since they'd see her as a vigilante and also if she ever fucked up and harmed someone in the process of doing what she wants to do in her capacity as a Slayer. Think of how much damage superheroes accidentally cause while fighting villains and then consider how real people would respond. (Lulzy concept from this? Slayer Liability Insurance lmao.) OC You Ship Them With: Not an OC but it's pretty clear she's being paired off with Leah Clearwater lmao. Sorry, Belice shippers. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Again, not an OC, but uhhh. Edward Cullen. 👀 Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Supernatural Thrillers or Crime Thrillers or True Crime (NOT Romance. 0/10 for Bella with romance novels, especially vampire romances. Ew.) Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: The female protagonist is helpless and can't save herself and must rely on A Man^TM to rescue her. Talents and/or Powers: Basically all the Slayer superpowers. Enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, other senses. Pretty sure I also kind of implied she has an abnormally good memory by accident. Marginally related to the above, but she'd probably be pretty darn good at (mechanical) bull riding. (I mean, probably real bull riding, too, but there's ethical issues with that sport). Why Someone Might Love Them: She's very confident in herself and what she can do and seems very strong because she internalizes any self-doubt and insecurities and any weaknesses as much as she can. She's conventionally attractive and physically fit and cares a lot about protecting those who are weaker than herself and sees it as her duty, as something that comes with the job of being a Slayer. She'll only let those who are closest to her see her soft side or any vulnerabilities. Why Someone Might Hate Them: Relates to the above, actually. She's very stubborn and can get fixated on doing certain things her way, which can come across as controlling and frustrating if people disagree. She's also not fond of expressing emotions (besides the angry ones), which probably discomforts people who prefer people who are emotionally truthful and not emotionally constipated. Also presumably people hate her for trying to kill them because they're vampires. Oops. How They Change: My intent in the story is to show how she becomes softer over time as she learns to process the hurt she's experienced (rejection from both sides of your family at a very young age sucks majorly) and express herself better. At the start of the story, she's in the mindset that if she lets herself feel hurt, then she is accepting that she can be hurt and that it will be a catastrophe since people will seize upon her weakness and destroy her, essentially. And then Giles and the council and other slayers will reject her, too. She's very wrapped up in her identity as a Slayer because it's basically all she's ever known. Why You Love Them: I love Bella because she's my Bella and no one else's, and admittedly I'm using her to process some of my own traumas as a queer ExMormon who had these books pushed on me as a kid. I also stole some personality traits from my older sisters, who I admire very much (they raised me in a lot of ways), so I think she's a pretty cool badass and that might explain part of the decision to make Jacob Black a younger sibling figure instead of someone who's interested in her romantically, in case anyone is wondering about that change. Admittedly, it's very vindicating and fun to rewrite a story with a lot of toxic ideas and be like "um no, fuck that" and reclaim it for yourself and also use it as a platform for good things such as the Move to Higher Ground campaign.

Thanks for the ask! This put to mind some things I hadn't quite expressed in my notes or outline for this fic (which someday I do hope to finish lmao).

#thanks for the ask #sunnyforks #bella swan #twilight #ask game #byjillianmaria

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dibbiedabbiedoobie · 2 years

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🍴

- nom-central c:

god im really going to expose myself (again) as a Generic White Man Liker but... honestly it's terminal. i will not be recovering, so it's ok.

Anyways: Dom Co/bb. I really did start this blog to yell about in/cep/tion, and I think about him more than I should. I still have a whole massive post in my drafts that I never finished talking about how I think he'd be as a pred but the tl;dr is that I think he is just so soft. Like, the whole premise of the movie is more or less "traumatized guy tries to see his children again" and honestly isn't that the vibe of so many of our beloved blurbos.

Ime with fanfic, he tends to get characterized as either an asshole (which I don't get, he just... isn't one in the movie. emotionally constipated, sure, but not an on purpose asshole) or a himbo. I prefer the himbo more but in reality he has to be excellent at reading people and social cues, and is more just... Bad At Emotions.

He is just so delicate, at the core of it, that I think he would be an excellent safe pred. Very gentle, very kind, possessed by a violent father instinct that is perfect for preds. 10/10. I really should write a sequel to that borrower fic (I have a couple of assorted things, but I'd need to format them to fit a bit more logically as a story/chronological progression.)

Also if anyone is curious, pred headcanons below the cut. I'd have put more but... lmao I think this is pretty extensive.

Depends on when you get him. Pre movie, before Mal's death, he's shamelessly in love and recklessly exploring dreamshare. He's a bit snarkier, hasn't settled down as much. He enjoys when his prey squirms, but he doesn't really need it. It's a fun treat, feeling them wriggle around inside him, but it feels just as good to be pleasantly full, too.

He isn't the most talkative, but he enjoys interacting with his prey while they're inside of him. He'll hold conversations or pet at them as needed, usually until they drift off, at which point he'll occupy himself with something else.

His favorite snack is Mal, followed closely by Arthur (or both, if he can get them). There have been multiple cases, both in and out of dreamshare, where he couldn't help but indulge in a treat. Never in anything serious, though, and never if they're really distressed. He prefers his prey to be willing, primarily, and will let people go if they're really serious about it.

He prefers prey in dreamshare, where the feelings are so much more intense. He can feel every movement of his prey inside of him, their breathing, their heartbeat -- all enhanced thanks to the weird properties of dreams. He loves it, loves poking at his stomach and feeling them move and shift about. The people he dreams with, mostly Mal and Arthur, learn to tolerate how curious he gets.

If you catch him during the year or so after Mal's death but before the events of the movie, he's an extremely reluctant pred. He's feeling wildly guilty, and the comfort of having a tasty snack curled up inside him feels like something he doesn't deserve. Mal's shade haunts him, too, reminding him of something he can never have again.

He misses the familiar weight of Mal inside him, and has phantom tingles in his stomach, a phantom taste on his tongue when he sees her shade, photos of her. He buries that part of him that craves the feeling of something warm and alive in his belly and carries on.

If a prey managed to pry his mouth open or otherwise desperately needed to be swallowed, he would do so begrudgingly. They aren't food, but the whole process is far more perfunctory and detached than he'd normally be. He'd check on them, make sure they're okay, but would otherwise be rather quiet and introspective. Probably would spend time spinning his top, rather than talking. He wouldn't forget that they were there, but they wouldn't really be the focus of his attention.

Part of him still really enjoys having prey curled up inside of him. The weight, the movement... it's real and grounding. He knows how they feel in dreams, and how they feel when he's awake; on the very rare occasion when he has prey inside him (likely Arthur, forcing him to take the self-care), he can rest easy knowing that the world is real because the weight inside is too dulled for a dream.

All the jobs he takes during this time are serious and corporate, leaving no room for friendly nomming, even if he wanted to.

Post movie, he's a pretty kind, maybe a bit teasing as a pred. Less so than before, however. He doesn't much care for squirming; he doesn't mind it, but after spending so long on the run, he really just wants his prey to settle down so he can enjoy a full stomach in peace. Generally, he goes for one or two, but could probably stomach up to three if he really pressed himself (something he doesn't do as much as he used to when he was younger).

He's still big into tummy rubs and interacting with the person inside him. Casual talking, gentle strokes, banter; whatever they happen to fall into. Now, he's much more appreciative of the littler things that he'd missed on the run. He likes the confirmation that they're safe and calm, and he especially loves when his prey nods off inside of him. It's such a display of trust in him, and it's something he's missed quite a bit. He likes to feel like people can depend on him, and what says "I depend on you" more than napping inside of his belly?

He also tends to nap on a full stomach, because he's getting older and can't be bothered to keep working when his body keeps trying to get him to settle down and sleep. He always makes sure his prey is asleep first, though.

He doesn't really dreamshare anymore; he gave that life up for his kids and would never look back. As such, and since the jobs he'd done in the past year or two had all been corporate espionage, he doesn't find himself missing the difference between prey in the waking world and prey in dreamshare. He just doesn't really remember it vividly enough for that.

#dibbiespeaks #dizzyposting #in/cep/tion #voretalk #i love my generic white man with enough trauma to choke a horse

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 2 years

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Arthur taking care of his friends when they're sick? (specifically Leon but also anyone else you want to add)

Aww🥺

He pretends not to care when Merlin is sick, but he definitely lightens his workload and spends ALL day secretly worrying about him. He keeps him in his chambers if he can, making up easy chores that Merlin can do sat in front of the hearth. If the servant genuinely needs time off, he'll happily give it, and extra (but he begs Gaius to just tell Merlin that it was the Physician's idea to give him a week instead of three days). If Merlin is PROPERLY sick, like a very real possibility he might die kind of sick, he drops everything to stay in Merlin’s room with him. He helps Gaius out in the Physician’s chambers (and is actually kind of good at it) and puts Leon/Morgana in charge for the foreseeable future. The Council thinks it’s stupid but Leon/Morgana tell them to stfu.

When Leon is sick, Arthur has to like... force him to take a few days off. He actually threatens to write a law about it, and the only thing that stops Leon arguing is that he knows Arthur would actually do it and that’s just embarrassing. He doesn’t tend to look after him himself, just because both of them would find it weird, but he does send Merlin to check on him/take him things like ten times a day. Merlin never complains because it’s kind of cute, if a little time consuming.

For Lance, Percival, Elyan, Mordred he’ll just tell them to their face to take time off if they need it, and they’ll do what he says, because they’re not stupid. Again, he doesn’t take on the care-taker role himself, but he’ll ask how they’re feeling if he sees them, and sends Merlin/Gaius/Gwen to check on them perhaps slightly more often than is technically necessary.

If Gwaine gets sick... Arthur really wants to tell him to take time off? Because he secretly cares quite a lot about his chaos friend?? But he knows that Gwaine would just take it as a challenge or an offense against his stamina or strength or something. So he has to send in Gaius or Merlin to be the ones to check up on him, with explicit instructions to tell Gwaine that he’s too sick for training/patrols. And then when Arthur “finds out” about this, he just shrugs his shoulders and goes “oh well. Can’t help being sick. Best listen to Gaius though, he’ll give you an earful if you don’t do what he says. See you around.” and that works most of the time.

With Morgana it’s very similar to Gwaine, in that Arthur knows she can and will perceive him caring as some sort of challenge/weakness on her part. But instead of Gaius she’ll send Gwen to tell her to take it easy, and Arthur pretends he hasn’t even noticed that she’s been in her rooms for a few days. He might check up on her very briefly, but he won’t coddle her or bring her anything, just smiles and wishes her better soon and leaves again. He definitely stealthily checks up on her though, like he interrogates Gwen and Gaius and Merlin and checks with the kitchens how much she’s eating and asks her guards if they heard her having any nightmares every morning. Morgana knows exactly what he’s doing, and Arthur probably knows that she knows, but neither of them mention it because they’re emotionally constipated when it comes to Sibling Bonding.

Gwen is similar to the knights in that she’ll listen if Arthur tells her to just relax and take some time off, and Morgana really won’t mind, BUT similar to Leon in that he still sends Merlin around to check on her like a billion times a day though. He worries easy, and he also knows that she’ll start working again if she can get away with it.

Gaius never gets sick. Ever. And if he did, Arthur would panic briefly because Oh No, That’s Dad™, but is otherwise “Meh. As if the reaper isn’t too frightened of Gaius to even attempt to take him anyway.”. He’d probably give Merlin time off to help out around the Physician’s chambers more and look after him.

Hope y’all enjoyed!!

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arcadejohn127-9 · 3 years

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ALSO- I have a request! Brothers (+royals if you want) reacting to an MC who is extremely affectionate once they like someones- gives hugs, praises often, gives gifts, does their best to help when they can- but if any of this affection is returned they cry. Hard. Because they're emotionally constipated and any affection or love they receive overwhelms them- this also embarrasses them extremely-

Damn.... didn't think I'd feel called out by a prompt request XD it seems my time has come!

I'm guessing royals are Diavolo and barbatos so I added them but if you ever request again and someone you wanted wasn't here, feel free to comment and I'll make sure to add them

Brothers + Diavolo & barbatos with an overly affection MC with issues

Lucifer:

He grew use to your affection ways

The words of praise when you notice he finished a work load

Or when you'd pat his head when he was tired

At first he wondered why you would handle or touch him likes he's a fragile doll but he grew to love how gentle you were

Subconsciously he'd lean his head down whenever he completed a task expecting a head pat

Even if you weren't there but if he's caught he'll just pretend he was tired

Lucifer wasn't always the most affectionate, especially as he rarely shows how much he genuinely loves the people around them

He decided to return the gesture, you recently got a high grade in a class you were struggling in

He patted your head, giving it a light ruffle

"You did good, you're improving alot - it's very promising."

Didn't expect you to start crying, aggressively shoving away your tears

"what's wrong? Did something-"

"I just- this is embarassing- you patted my head and people don't really do that for me and I just-"

"Ah, I see, then I shall do it more often."

"even in public?"

He was never a public man, wanting to get his softer side hidden in the protection of his soul and the walls surrounding his room

But here you were, crying because he simply caressed your cheek

He wants you to be happy and feel as loved as he does

So he'll happily push his walls down for you

"if it means this much to you, then yes but let's keep it appropriate."

Mammon:

"How's my handsome super model?! Did it go well? Aww you look tired, let's get you rested, okay?"

He's so in love

No one has ever made him feel this mooshy and love sick and he's ANCIENT

He's use to his brothers always insulting him - he likes a good tease and making a rude remark about each other but they tend to push it

They hit his Insecurities and think he can handle it because they're demons

But he wasn't always

Then you came along, giving him head pats and words of praise

Always standing up for him

He fell for you so quickly and so hard

He basically turns into a puppy when he's with you

When you left with Satan to get groceries he had to be forced to not go with you, waiting at the stairs for you to come back

As soon as Satan left with even your bags included, he came bolting for you

Leaping into your arms and squeezed you tight, insisting he didn't miss you but just got bored

The way he's nuzzling your cheek says otherwise

When you began crying he immediately panicked

"Did Satan do something to ya?! I swear I'll beat-"

"I'm just not use to others being as affectionate as I am back to me - it's okay."

"Huh?! Well I guess the greatest demon of all time has to be that person, that's me! Don't forget it, okay?! I'm going to smother you."

Mammon is already a touchy person but knows to be respectful, since that day his hands are always on you

Either holding your hand, touching your shoulder, petting your hair or just Hugging you

Levithan:

Levithan isn't one to give or receive when it comes to affection

He tends to get overwhelmed by just a head pat and gets embarassed if his fingers accidentally brush against yours

You're an overly affectionate person

He's a simple man who needs self worth

It's definitely a good duo

You've learned to be more vocal about your praises and affections, still testing the waters with physical touch

But from time to time he'll ask to get a head pat if he's really proud of himself

Has made you call him your little pog champ

"Levi are you- oh sorry you're streaming- I'll just leave these here."

He was confused until he saw the section dish filled with different snacks with a energy drink in the middle

He almost teared up

"No! Stay with me, they'll like you!"

In an act of no thoughts and boldness, he pulled you into his lap

You fell awkwardly and was half straddling half on his side

As soon as you got comfortable you hide your face In his neck forcing back tears

Not wanting to cry on stream

"You're so sweet, levi, I'm sure your followers can agree."

He literally short circuited

Hiding his face in your shoulder as he got flustered

"You're sweeter than me, you're always being nice to me - I really lo- like you for that."

Anyone who watched that stream now ships you - the non believers didn't believe all the stories he told about you but now they had physical proof

That stream was re-upload so many times with comps filled with him gushing about you

Levithan is determined to make sure you never see them but it's too late and you cried with joy in your room

Next time you saw him you kissed his cheek and he immediately melted

Did kiss your cheek back though but did it so quick and harsh that you stumbled backwards

Satan:

Someone being gentle to him????

Someone who doesn't keep away from his because of his sin????

Who??? What??!!

You're the who! he was SHOCKED you were so happy to get close to him and just treat him so kindly

He made a theory on the Devildom detectives group that you're actually an angel but it backfired by demons just telling him he's got feelings for you

He does but he didn't expect to get called out on a whole forum

"You're really smart, thanks for always helping me with my studies - I've found It alot easier to study and remember all my notes now, you're a good teacher!"

He's so smitten with you

You could be saying the most disgusting or insulting thing and he'd still smile and nod

He needed help getting food for this secret but really not so secret pet cat and you gladly accepted to help him

When you two were just spending time together in his room and when suddenly picked up his cat

You didn't think too much of it but grinned when he booped the cats nose onto yours

"thank you for being so kind to me- it means alot."

the cat was like you; overly affectionate so it didn't surprise you when it started gently pawing at your face and giving you little kisses

"I feel embarrassed by admitting this so I'm letting Chaos show how I feel."

He avoided looking at you

It would be for the best as you started crying, taking the cat from his hold and kissing it's head repeatedly

"and that's how I feel about you trying to move through your discomfort and be open with me."

His cheeks are BURNING

Holds your hand throughout the rest of the hang out

Asmodeus:

You're being gentle and affection despite Everyone perceiving him as a sex hungry annoyance?

You're immediately his favourite - sorry Solomon

You always understood his protectiveness over his appearance

Fixing his hair and pushing back stands if you ever pet it

You didn't need to but you always told him you washed your hands before touching his face

You always did these simple things to make him feel at ease

But he loved your touch

No matter any comment he makes; he adores you and just being able to have these tender moments with you

He knew you were special to him when you walked in on him

Barely awake, hair messy, no makeup or moisturizer - he didn't look even the slightest bit appealing

And just smiled, looking at him no differently even when his voice came out tired and croaky

"You're really pretty even when you just wake up, it's so unfair - what's your secret?"

"because it's me, darling! I always look good~"

Internally, he was freaking out about how you liked him at what he deemed - his most unattractive state

So it only made sense he became more touchy and grew closer to you

"are you sure I look good in this? I know you're very up to date with fashion."

"You look stunning, I haven't seen a bad look on you yet, perhaps your charm is just as high as mine."

He was holding your hips, smiling as you both looked in the mirror

He wrapped his arms around you, leaning on your shoulder

"I think you look good all the time, you're just amazing like that."

You tried to hide your tears but he could see them, immediately asking you what's wrong

"Nothing- I just- that means alot coming from you and you're always being so affection towards me....its really nice."

He just hugs you tighter, smiling

"I just treat you how you treat me, you're a real angel."

Beezlebub:

This guy is worried about so many things

He's scared of hurting you

He's worried if he gets carried away with touching you he'll make you uncomfortable and his gluttony will act up; wanting more of your tender touch until he feels full

The last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable or you feel forced to be affectionate to him because he could throw a fit

He's always ashamed of his hunger tantrums

But when he does do affection it's either carrying you or holding your hand

But was so happy whenever you cuddled hi against him or when you gave him praise

He could spend the whole day with you running your fingers through his hair, telling him he's a good demon and that he means something to you

"Can you finish this for me? I'm not feeling that hungry right now."

You offered your bowl to Beel, he happily took it

As you two spent time with each other he noticed you eyeing some of the more sweeter things set out on the table

He gently pushed it towards you

"Eat if you want it, I'll share."

You waved your hand, not wanting to take food from him

"I'm just snack-ish, I can't eat a meal right now."

You knew how hungry he could get and didn't want to leave him peckish

You knew that small feeling could easily turn into something bigger

But he just nudged it closer to you

"You eat what you want, I'll have what you don't finish."

You finally agreed, knowing he was insisting on you to eat with him

He patted your head, smiling as he watched you eat

"are you sure you won't still feel hungry?"

"you make me feel full, it soothes another type of hunger in me, it's nice."

He grabbed your hand, nuzzling his cheek against it, he couldn't stop smiling as you just looked at him in surprise

You finally grinned, tearing up and shook your head, you leaned against him and continued eating

Gripping his hand tighter as you pushed back your tears

Belphegor:

He was spoilt

Beel was always looking after him, helping him get ready for school and drying his hair, carrying him around when he was too tired to walk

And you were only fueling his spoilt nature

You always showered him in affection

Petting his hair whilst he laid his head on your lap, combed his tail, told him he looked cute

"My precious little belphie, are you feeling okay? I noticed you were struggling to sleep today at lunch."

Whilst he believed he looked intimidating with his heavy bags and sleepy grin

You found him adorable, treating him like a sweet innocent boy on those special nights of just you two cuddling

It's been a long time since he's felt innocent

You were always checking in on him

Making him feel special and cared for

He was a soft mess in your hands

"Hold me more, your hands feel so nice~"

He placed his hands on yours, making you gently squish his cheeks

"Don't you wanna cuddle?"

He raised a brow, a smug smile growing on his face

"it seems you want to."

"we don't have to-"

"If you wanna be held just ask, I'm more than happy to hold you."

He wrapped his arms around you, shifting his position and buried his face into your chest, humming as your hands ran through his hair

He gave you a small squeeze

"It feels good to be the one hugging you, you're always so comfy~"

He began murmuring how much he loves this time with you, drifting to sleep as he praised you, letting himself mindlessly go on about how wonderful and sweet you are until he started to snore

You let your tears fall

Holding him closer as you softly thanked him for his words

He just hugged you tighter in his sleep, his smile growing

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

This man is TOUCH STARVED

the fact you're unafraid to be with him and around him is already amazing but you freely hold his hand and pat his head

He thinks he's knocked his head and been taken to the celestial realm

People are intimidated by his title as prince and having you so care free in his company is new for him

So of course he enjoys how affectionate you are!

He embraces all your touches and praise!

He's even had you sitting on his lap during meetings, letting you hug him after a tiring day of studying

"You did great today, I really felt your passion for this new project, I think the students will really enjoy it!"

He gets so happy everytime you even look his way

Your smile alone fuels him for the whole day

"Meet me in the castle today, there's something I need you to do for me."

You agreed, not thinking much of it; most likely a new update on the school fair

What you didn't expect was to be greeted by shopping bags and gift boxes and even a human sized teddy bear with demon horns, you tried to ignore them as Diavolo came jogging down the steps

"What did you need me for?"

"I want you to see what you like, I bought as much as I could before Barbatos stopped me, I hope they're up to your liking."

You were speechless

You felt as if you touched the gifts you wouldn't be able to hold back; you were excited to see what he got but you didn't want to seem too excited

"Please, go ahead - it's all yours unless something is not up to your liking."

You finally went through the shopping bags; there was clothes, products, jewelry, shoes and all other sorts of items

You hugged the giant close to your chest, choking back on your tears

"thank you-"

"No need to thank me, you're always so kind to me I just wanted to return the favour."

Barbatos:

You were a like a breath of fresh air, someone he could just go to

He can unwind and be rewarded for his efforts and others normally don't notice

Whilst his lord was always praising him, it felt different with you

It felt so joyful

You would brush through his hair, always thank him even if he's just doing his job and always seem to be in awe at what he does

He'll never forget the gloves you gave him, sleek and a perfect fit with a cursive 'B' stitched to the edge - they were enchanted to warm up whenever he got cold

"Wow! You prepared all this?! That must of taken you ages! You're really amazing, Barb."

"I'm simply doing my job but your praise makes it all worth it."

Often invites you to the castle for tea

He'll make any excuse to have you come see him; the prince wants to talk, he wants a hand with a recipe, he needs an outsider's opinion on something

Whatever he can come up with; he will use it

You might as well just stay in one of the guest bedrooms because you're always coming to the castle

Speaking of excuses; today Barbatos decided to thank your lovely behaviour

Convincing you to come to the castle and meet him in the dining hall

"I saw you eyeing some recipes whilst helping me in the kitchen so, I made you them AND wrote down how I did it exactly so you can make them any time you like."

"I- you didn't have to do that! Thank you for this, they look delicious."

"I always wanted to give you this."

You couldn't even ask what it was

He already held it up for you to see

It was a box of gloves with your the first letter of your name stitched onto the edge

They were heat up gloves!

"I thought you'd appreciate your own as they'll always be handy but the gesture of matching with someone you're close to is very appealing."

He helped you put the gloves on, pinching the tip of your fingers to make sure they fitted properly

He held your hand, admiring how it looked in his

You couldn't stop a few tears forming, smiling

You felt abit silly crying over heat up gloves but you couldn't help it

"I want to match with you more often, perhaps one day it'll end up being a ring."

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licncourt · 2 years

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Top 10 Loustat Taylor Swift songs and how they each relate to them.

Anon, I'm in love with you for asking me this. I kiss you. I've selected my top ten songs with the utmost care and placed them in no particular order alongside what I think are their Loustatiest lyrics + an explanation. Doing this was my reward for finishing a research paper.

I also just happen to already have a playlist of Loustat TS songs which I will gladly leave right here as well

(I can't take full credit though, the song selections were a collaborative effort between myself and @sofipitch)

Anyway here's a full meta breakdown of TS x Loustat because I've lost my mind

1. hoax

Okay so not only is this whole song perfect for Louis' POV of the Interview era, it also includes those references to blue which match his fascination with Lestat's eyes AND it's the color he's most often described as wearing. I just love the motif of desperation as mortal peril for them, loving someone who's painfully dishonest about who they are/their feelings. And then the imagery of someone being destroyed and broken down by a horrible love?? Perfect.

2. I Almost Do

This song gives me 90s Loustat energy, particularly from Lestat's POV maybe post-Body Thief? Anyways, I can totally see Lestat having these kinds of feelings about wanting to surrender and be with Louis for real, but he's so emotionally constipated and things have blown up so many times that he won't be the one to reach out. He's too proud and too scared. But wants to SO bad and daydreams about trying things again and making it work this time. Having it be different this time.

3. Afterglow

K I am always on about Lestat and BPD, but this works so well for him!! Though it could be both of them. They're each so impulsive and mean and always assuming the worst. There's about a million times in VC where they escalate dumb shit for no reason and then come crawling back to each other. They say the worst things in the heat of the moment but hardly ever mean it deep down, and then they're just lovesick and lonely after, forced to admit that it was, in fact, stupid. The mental illness jumps out sometimes, but they always come back to each other in the end.

4. this is me trying

HNNGG TVL REUNION. Louis is in such a bad place before he finds out that Lestat is alive, so the very poetic suicide reference in the opening really hits for him. I'm sure he was terrified about seeing Lestat, wondering if he'll be furious, even attack him, but he still goes. He literally does what the song says, showing up at Lestat's house with all his chips on the table and GOD.

5. The Way I Loved You

Classic Taylor, classic Loustat. I imagine this about Louis when he's with Armand. All the stuff he says about missing Lestat and only being able to think of him no matter where he is or who he's with. Things are good with Armand, but it's hollow and almost robotic. It's...fine. But it's not the passion he had with Lestat, the depth of feeling that makes being in love worth it isn't there. Louis is a fucked up little guy who misses his fucked up little relationship.

6. Renegade (with Big Red Machine)

OKAY this is technically a Big Red Machine song but Taylor sings the whole thing so it counts. This gives me big late canon vibes, maybe early Prince Lestat era when Lestat is on the verge of letting Louis in for real (we don't get to see it in the book but IT HAPPENED), or it could also be during Memnoch when Louis is trying to convince Lestat to stop running and acting out and come home with him. In either scenario, they're so close and Louis is ready to be the person that Lestat needs, he just has to give in and accept the love (tough and otherwise).

7. Wonderland

This is such an IWTV bop. The green eyes bit is perfect Lestat's POV, how Louis caught Lestat's attention and how he was so desperate for what what was being offered. Louis falls into his arms and they have this wild, intense romance, but then he's betrayed. Their dynamic that was this pain-pleasure insanity that consumed them and it's so well represented here. The last line is pretty much exactly how Louis talks about Rue Royale.

8. gold rush

I could see this one as Louis thinking about Lestat at pretty much any point. He's this quiet, reserved figure who prefers to observe and exist in the shadows, but he's so in love with this gorgeous, outgoing, almost unreal object of desire. Lestat loves the attention and loves the spotlight, but Louis just has to watch and pine after him and fade into the background while Lestat goes on his adventures and has his torrid romances. AND the lines about blue eyes work perfectly, as does the gold motif in reference to his hair as well as his allure.

9. illicit affairs

Another Interview era song! I think the song is supposed to be about cheating, but for Loustat it makes me think of them having to hide the nature of their relationship in the 18th/19th century. It must have weighed on their minds, especially in happy times. Plus just, the whole toxic aspect of their relationship must have made it feel forbidden in its own way. They're so dysfunctional and destructive to each other, but so in love they're ruined for anyone else. The colors thing also makes me think of Lestat quite literally giving Louis vampire vision so there's that too.

10. Better Man

This is perfect for any time between IWTV and TVL, whenever Louis is thinking back and starting to regret what he did to Lestat or wishing things could have been different. Logically he knows why they did what they did, but sometimes things were so good he can't help but miss what they had. Again, tie back to Louis' iconic line about laying awake thinking of Lestat. The good news is that he gets the wish granted eventually!!

Everyone congratulate me on narrowing it down to ten it was hard

#answered #nothing but top tier analysis on this blog #vc #loustat

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likearecordbb · 3 years

Note

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

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fightxxmexxshiggy · 3 years

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🥟📎 awww you're too sweet!!!!! I'm glad you like my ideas so much even though they just ramble on and on.

But, as long as you're enjoying, I'll add on cause I'm slightly overflowing with them at the moment (adhd brains. 0 or 100. Very very little I between.)

So imagine how helpless Kiri Bakugo would feel while their partner is pregnant and then when they go into labor. Like, over all there isn't that much they can do. Yes throught everything they can help her stay comfy and what not but got how they wish they could just take on some of the bad stuff.

And lord help them if they start googling different labor complications. Like no matter how unlikely, the stats say they are the guys are gonna high key Low key be terrified. They learned not to tell you after you turned into a sobbing mess when they brought up one and you made them have the of it's between me or the baby convo (how that went is up to you). Like they may be terrified but they don't wanna relive that night.

Then I see two hilarious labor scenarios. granted there are infinite. But I'll pluck out these two.

A) You go into labor relatively normally. Get to the hospital get settled, or at least as settled as you can when you're gonna have a person come out of you. The guys are on edge. Like the hospital had to send in their strictest, toughest old guard nurse to put the fear of god into them so they'd stop acting like chickens with their heads cut off. I personally headcanon it as a labor with no epidural for personal reasons but like reader insert man. Regardless of pain meds or not, Kiri is gonna say you're super manly™️. He'll even harden his hand so you don't have to worry about breaking (not that you would frankly care at this point) but it's handy 😏. And then you get to pushing a both pro heros who have seen plenty of blood and gore nearly faint. Still can't decide who/how they decide which oen gets to cut the cord but I feel like it's the one time Bakugo knows better than to make it a competition, cause he and Kiri just wanna keep watching you smile down at the (kinda gross covered in goo) beautiful, perfect infant on your chest. Time passes, the three of you are left alone to bond. Eventually you begin to nod and off and Kiri says he's gonna take the baby to the waiting room to meet the squad/families. While neither guy likes being separated from either you or the baby this is once again where two husband's comes in handy cause at least both mom and baby are protected. Que some time later you perk back up, Bakugo is in a chair his head on the hospital bed alseep. You get his attention

"Katsuki, where's the baby?"

"With Kiri, remember?"

"yea, but he's been gone a long time. I think. ...." You can't be certain. After the day you've had time means very little to you at the moment. So Bakugou (reluctantly) leaves you to go find shitty hair. (Now this next bit is straight from a reddit thread but it was so damn cute and sounded just like Kiri!) So turns out, the Bakusquad and families left a bit ago, saying they'd be back when you were feeling better. But Kiri is a Proud Dad™️ so he just had to show off his baby. So he has just been walking around the hospital, being like 'look at my kid! My wife made her! They're both amazing! My wife made a person! Ignoring that you didn't quite make it on your own but you did the lions share of the work so let's not nit pick. Bakugou wants to be made at him but between the lack of sleep, and feeling the same fucking way and just being too emotionally constipated to say it to anyone besides his partners he just sighs.

"Shitty hair, you're worrying Y/N. Bring the baby back."

And they wander back and you're a nice happy little family. And sitting there holding your baby, a guy on either side of the hospital bed is bliss.

"can we have another one?"

Both you and Bakugou turn to the red head, and a brief silence falls over you three. Bakugou is getting ready to tell him off, like the baby is less than 6hrs old, don't get ahead of yourself dumbass.

But you speak first "yea. I'd like that a lot."

And that is how your first two kids (and probably the majority) were born a little less than a year apart. I just love the headcanon that Kiri wants a school of baby sharks. Like, however many you'll give him he'll have (Bakugou may have an Upper limit). At least those prohero dollars mean money isn't an issue. I also just love love love Kiri as a girl dad! He does tea parties, lets them paint his nails, learns to braid their hair and dances with them where they stand on his feet! Bakugou will also do all of these things but some of them may take a set of puppy dog eyes to get him to do. Also I know it seems misplaced but I don't wanna forget to put it in here. Itd be hilarious if when you struggle to find maternity clothes you like, one way or another Red Riot and Ground Zero both suddenly launch maternity merch lines!!!!!! And not just stuff with their logos/names like cute shit. Maybe you get to help design it.

B) this should be quicker. So imagine, youre at home. The guys have started paternity leave because youre 38wks. The ask why your face is scrunching up every once in awhile. You say and think it's braxton hicks contractions. You take a nap. Turns out. It's the real deal. You wake you guys up, they go into panic mode. You head towards the door (or even make it to the elevator for full comedic effect) before saying you gotta go back to the apartment, the baby is coming to fast. The guys freak out at first once they're in the apartment again. But they get ahold of a concierge doctor or something (pro hero money man) and between the doctor coaching them and you telling them they better hold it together, it all goes off smoothly and you go to the hospital to get check out and basically ends the same as above.

The baby chaos just made me cackle like a dang evil witch

#bnha simping hours #kirishima x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #pregnant #poly ship

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