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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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love my own like theatrical relationship to shakespeare which is a) being so slow to realize like "oh, i've loved theatre? everyone doesn't just feel this way & go 'of course acting onstage would fucking kick ass' & adore rehearsals and hanging around backstage and in greenrooms and changing and performing & etc?' never really occurred to me" and b) my response to most encounters w/shakespeare being "wha" when it comes to anything granular yet the relevance still in the spirit of things lol

namely one prominent example being i was an on campus college student where said campus has a shakespearean theater literally three blocks away, and we had like a freshmen orientation weekly class there doing shit with actors and checking out the theater, not to mention like punchcards to see four shows free (to write up about afterwards but yeah sure whatever) and this wherein also you always got student discount tickets And there were pwyw performances....kicked ass. i went there for shows so many times. i have never fucking known what tf is going on in any of the like dozen shows i saw there when a) audio processing can be tricky enough for real life modern vernacular parsing and b) sure am not used to ye old very stylized language nor any other qualities of shakespearean material so lots of times when i finally started to kind of acclimate to the language it would be like "oh wait that was the conclusion? ok. hoorayyyyy" like also c) You Have A Great Time Seeing Shakespeare Productions Anyways like again i loved going anytime. it's Theatrical and if people are just putting their damn backs into delivering and performing the material it's An Experience even if you're really not following lmfao. and i suppose one can read the text / familiarize oneself beforehand

also like my first and really one of my only like regular theatre performing experiences was my literature class in fourth grade doing a few scenes from julius caesar. i was so hype for getting cassius like one of the most prominent roles? a guy? an antagonist if you're caesar or dante??? oh Fuck yes. b/c of technical difficulties we got to perform it twice in a row when we did a field trip to some other school to perform our respective [scenes from various shakespeare plays] altogether. even back then i was way into it and cared about stuff like "we have like no Effects to make it that dramatic when we kill caesar. or like, non silent. bit awkward" and "also i like, don't know how to act and am just winging it. and of course, i'm also like 9" like in theory i do like to know How to do something vs trying to make it up myself. somewhat lol. a balance, who can argue w/that

beyond that there's also lots of things i just didn't quite realize "counted" lmfao like, when you're a theatre gay with a parent req'ing you go to church every week but you have a good time being in the choir....i was sure on those tenor harmonies & singing loud. and going relatively often to various live theatrical events, having an engaging enough time there, but also would've assumed anyone would be into it And that that's not really the same as actually being in them, of course. but that most of my firsthand experience was just sticking w/ballet for like a decade, and kind of live theatrical performance adjacency there. don't say shit, for years was effectively just like, an ensemble for the occasional performances, but even then it's like hoorayyy i Love rehearsing and being onstage and backstage and dealing w/costumes and coordination behind the scenes and shit. and eventually being like, a distinct individual character in shows, so despite again nobody saying shit you're still somewhat interpreting and doing whatever character work while also enjoying the bennies of [it's dance, so also it's choreographed]....even more clear like oh i love backstage and rehearsing and behind the scenes and onstage and putting together stage character makeup, and i don't mind tackling technical difficulties, and etc etc. didn't even necessarily have the reference like, idk, wouldn't / doesn't everyone feel similarly. classic ye old memory of like being idfk 7 or some shit simply getting to walk with classmates behind a backdrop to the opposite wing of a stage, and loving that lmao. combines a love for [backstage] and [secret passages] type deal lol, big fan of these elements

also in 7th grade doing a theatre/drama class for a few months and we couldn't really get like all this in depth extensive stuff b/c you know, intro course for like 8 weeks for rando middle schoolers, but idk it was just illustrative lmao like after julius caesar, us slapping together some kind of script and my getting to be this fun little theatrical(tm) antagonist guy again? feedback was "what was supposed to be happening" but could've stood to have learned that the enthusiasm and affinity i felt for acting onstage was perhaps indicative of enthusiasm and affinity for acting onstage rather than just, idk, the exact kind of baseline experience any & everyone would have lol. not that i would've necessarily had the chance to really do anything with that knowledge, but even now, ofc i don't particularly anticipate getting to use it, but it's great having that knowledge like ohhh i see. the entire time i've been huge into doing theatre with all these kind of adjacent & gently overlapping brushes with it. gotcha

#an issue with Figuring Out What I Like or Trying New Things; a) having to be driven everywhere #b) just not safe to be open with ''this is something i like doing''#c) things being worse for like [i like doing this performance i don't like that parents are in the audience / involved]#didn't try out for anything in middle school b/c a) nervous. no experience; it's middle school. i don't have a great time w/Peers.#b) i'd have to let parents know i was doing that / they would then be involved; & see it....puts a real damper on things #didn't try out for anything in college b/c by then it's like. i Really have no experience lmao even if i could do this myself #kind of only deterred by my same age roommate being A Theatre Person with that prior experience lol....#but then Shakespeare Theater Company Proximity & Everyone Getting Introduced Via That Class / another kind of tangential theatre experience #hell yes....thank you for all that you did. dunno what's going on in there but you truly have a great time #even just Readings are fun but again people Gotta put their back into it or it does become like [zzz]#anyways and in this day and age....would still like to have actual acting instruction. all an abstract idea. but i for sure Like To Know.#the Ideas / Knowledge of oneself & like ''oh that's smthing i super like actually'' or what all i'd even theoretically like to do / have...#value in such things. i love to Know i think it would be cool to have like a buttonsy digital / calculator type wristwatch too. e.g.#and for real besides me talking about myself the advice is yeah go to a fun shakespeare production #''knowing what the hell is actually going on'' is Not a priority / requirement. it'll be an enjoyable experience still #oh and i did have an achievement in having A Fan once lol. when i started getting standalone roles vs [class ensemble in the back] at one #point i got to have a cats (jellicle) inspired like purple sparkly arms/legwarmered elaborate facemakeupped role; fun in & of itself #but whomsoever came to this little like middle/highschoolers community production included some absolute randos i encountered in the hall #after whatever show where this like 8 yr old kid's dad was like ''she's your (the role) biggest fan can we get a pic''#like Of Course....so i pose with said kid. hell yeah babey i'm An Actor with A Role lol....fr it was fun so #even illuminating to piece together my affinity / comfort for concepts & zones like things Behind The Scenes / hidden or secret / Nighttime #being backstage or behind the backdrop to get to another wing or hanging out in an effective greenroom w/amicable parties & our roles....#oh and that naturally the abstract concept of acting has just always seemed fun. and not like that strange or difficult #someone talking abt being autistic & learning like ''oh having friends Isn't supposed to feel like you have to constantly be performing?''#like yeah same up til recent history lmao like. lot of ways to simply already have a bit of organic training in acting lol #would still want some more actual training though lol like how do you do this shit Actually....got the essentials in fourth grade (be loud)#fr we didn't have mics of course so it was all just up to us to say our lines loud enough. couldn't actually hear other scenes [pensive]

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait

#🌙.vents #bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too #i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh #n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah #n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n #yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i #middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like #my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends #n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then #someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah #n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs #i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but #i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't.#ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah #used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends.#oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n #you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too #but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow #ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me #we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless #i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless #ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the #i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what #to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too #serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life #most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears #in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop.#sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck #nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends #i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.

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leatherbookmark · 6 months

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was all \(￣︶￣*\)) about poasting on a kpop community on dw, but then i noticed an introduction post! yay! i love introduction posts! except oops, you gotta introduce yourself with a name, like normal people do. stressing

#shrimp thoughts #so this might be a shock to some. but shrimp is not what i'd consider a name. it's like a jokey nickname that i started to use towards #myself and then just went along w/ it. i COULD crowdsource but i'm incredibly picky and i don't want people to feel bad #i also could yknow just come up w/ something on my own but what's the guarantee that i won't grow to dislike it/feel that it's not “mine”#anymore. i'm your typical overly sensitive shy kid irl so when i tried going by eliza in uni it was like one teacher makes a face -> i get #self-conscious about being the only weirdo who doesn't go by their given name like a normal person -> when people naturally get confused #or call me by my given name i'm hurt but correcting them feels like an asshole thing to do so i don't (until i do something extra like #ignoring when someone calls me by my given name and going 'did you mean me? that's not my name >:/') AND SO i'm just scared that #people will see the glaring red HIGH-MAINTENANCE AND SELF-OBSESSED neon sign floating above my head if i pick another name #after having made All This Fuss already. even though no one here knows me irl so. yeah #talking about yourself in terms of who you are and how do you want people to refer to you is so embarrassing #like telling them “lies” feels -- again -- high-maintenance and self-obsessed but while i'm fine w/ family/old friends calling me by my #given name i Would Rather Not actively introduce myself with it if possible... ach! such is life.

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hoshigray · 1 year

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Now look here, it's sugardaddy! x sugar baby! reader time >>:3 So here's the rundown: the reader is a college senior who works part-time in a diner and finds out that their favorite customer, Toji, is a sugar daddy and wants to initiate courtship. Although it is a proposition you fail to see yourself saying no to, is this something you can see yourself being in the long run?

A/n: This prompt was picked on a poll to celebrate getting over 50 followers, only for me to get to 100 right after!!?? Y'all...can I give you a hug? ;w; No, oh okay. Anyways, I won't make another poll, BUT I'll be opening thirsts/requests soon!! >:D I just gotta make myself a disclaimer list before we let those lil fantasies of yours fly, lol. But yeah, this is my first time posting a fic over 1k+, so I hope y'all like it. Also, bonus: there's art drawn by Moi (@hoshigaby)?? You'll have to scroll down to find it tho :33 Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead and read!!!

Cw: soft dom! Toji x fem! reader - implied age gap (the reader is in their early 20s, Toji's around early or mid-30s) - mating press - cervix fucking - oral (fem! receiving) - pussy drunk Toji - breeding - daddy kink - overstimulation (fem! receiving) - pet names (baby, babygirl, darlin', good girl, honey, kid/kiddo, mama, princess, sweetie, sweetheart) - praise - clitoral play (Toji pinches your clit) - reader isn't a virgin but, it's the first time you and Toji have sex.

Wc: 4.9k

"Oh look, your favorite is here."

10 o'clock, it's closing time. All the servers and bussers are ready to buss down tables and sweep the floors, hosts at the front split up tips and head straight home, and the cooks clean the kitchen and throw out the trash. All there's left is the silence of the dining area, where not a single customer is in sight.

Well, minus the one Utahime points out to you.

You turn to the bar area, where almost all the tables are empty, and all the high-rise televisions are turned off. All but for one, which was showing a football game.

A man is watching the screen, sitting in a booth at the far end with a glass of beer on the table. He's wearing a black turtleneck covered with a denim jacket, white fur on the collar, and a silver chain contrasting the black clothing. You gaze downwards to his black jeans pants, where his left foot seems to be tapping the ground. He's waiting for someone.

Once his eyes catch your approaching figure, his deadpanned face shows a smile in recognition. He was waiting for you.

And you smile back as you walk towards him.

The familiarity with this man comes from a year working at the diner. His name is Toji Fushiguro, and he's been a regular even before you started working here. And to make things funnier, he was the first customer you served after a week and a half of training. You can recall when you accidentally put milk and sugar in his specifically requested black coffee, to which you apologized profusely ("Heh, it's alright, darlin'" He flashed a smile that was meant to reassure you. "The first time that's ever happened to me.").

It was there that you found yourself being the only person that's served him. At first, you thought of it as some sort of joke after the coffee mishap, but now, unless you're there to take his order, he'll only have a beer or black coffee with all the other servers. The crew often pokes fun at you, stating you're the older man's favorite. And you gotta admit, it makes your heart swoon knowing this is true.

"There she is," Toji watches you approach him with his foot finally stopped tapping the checkered floor beneath him. "My adorable lil' server."

You giggle as you sit on the cushioned booth seat across from him. "It's good to see you, Mr. Fushiguro. I hope life's been good for you." You wave goodbye to the guy behind the bar counter, who turns off the TV still on as Toji focuses on something else. You promised to be the last person to turn off the lights and lock the doors before leaving, so now it's just you and Toji.

"I thought I told you to drop the Mr. Fushiguro, kid." He reprimands you with his playful smile, the right corner of his lip quirking his scar upward. "And I could ask you the same thing. How's college goin', darlin'?"

An exaggerated sigh leaves your system. "It's going alright. Can't believe I'm about to be done after the next semester, but the senioritis hasn't hit me too strong yet, thank God. And I can't wait to graduate with all this debt on my back~!" You flash the fakest beaming smile with two thumbs up.

Toji chuckles at your fraud enthusiasm. "Mmmm, I bet. But I know you're smarter than me and most people who work for me, so I'm sure you'll do just fine."

"Yeah, I'd like to think so, too." Your chipper attitude dwindles, and Toji notices the change in tone.

"What's up? You don't think you'll get yourself a job?"

"Umm, well," You cough to clear your throat from awkwardness. "I tried signing up for plenty of internships. Some of them shut me down, others just haven't replied back. And I guess it's just me overthinking, but I worry that I won't get a job in something I like..."

"Aww, princess," Toji rises from his cushioned spot to move to your side, sitting close to you with his big jean-covered thigh brushing yours. He places a hand on your back to rub comforting circles. "That's just the thoughts in your head."

You groan into your hands. "I know, that's why I don't know why I'm beating myself up about it so much... But it's okay! I know I'll be fine because I still have this job keeping me going for a year."

Toji raises a brow. "You wanna be a server all your life? Wanna serve me my black coffee and BLT sandwich til my last breath?"

You hit his chest in amusement. "Well, no, but if it comes down to it, I don't mind. I'll just take up more jobs or maybe make a side hustle. Either way, I know Mei Mei will help me out. I'm sure everyone here will if they have the chance."

"I could also help you."

Your hands instantly go up defensively. "No, Mr. Fushiguro, I wouldn't want that! I'm sure you're pretty busy, and I don't want my troubles to burden you."

Toji's eyebrows knit together, his sharp eyes surveying your defensive stance. "It wouldn't be trouble if I'm the one offerin' to help you, honey."

"Yes, but even so..." You look at your lap as your fingers dance with each other to ease your anxiousness. "It would feel unbefitting to have a customer — a valuable one such as you — to help me with my financial problems. Seeing you smile at me when I serve you your coffee...I'm perfectly content with just."

Your gaze locks into your fidgety fingers, saying the last part was probably unnecessary. Yet it was true; Toji had always been patient with you whenever he stopped by, even going the extra mile by giving you a seriously generous tip after his meals. You know you didn't deserve it, but he's already at the door before you can argue with him. If his gracious action was just a mere small percent of what he could do, then he's done plenty for you than needed.

Toji, however, didn't see it that way. He hums as he leans back onto the booth seat, his hand now snaking to the back of your neck, his thumb caressing the nook of your neck and trapezius.

"Well," He breaks the silence, you're listening. "What if we take this outside of customer service?"

The brows are pulled together as you turn to him in slight confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've been thinking for quite a while," with his hand maneuvering to rest on your shoulder, he sighs and straightens himself up. "Your manager, Mei Mei, right? I talked with her not too long ago, telling her how much of a hard worker you are and how even while still in school and suffering with assignments, you still smile and make sure the customers enjoy their time here."

You give him a thanks, and he continues on. "Which is why I told her about what I wanna do. So here's my proposition: I'll pay for everything for you. Your debt, bills, clothes, whatever it is your pretty lil' head is worryin' 'bout."

Toji's promise does sound comforting to the ears, but you think about your part in all this. "So, do I have to work for you?"

He chuckles. "No, baby, not working fr' me. But there is something I want you to do."

"Yes?"

Toji doesn't give you a clear answer, staring at your face with a soft smile. You wonder why he's being odd until his face leans forward, and the hand on your shoulder pushes you into a kiss. You let out a yelp into his mouth, but the shock diminishes once you succumb to his warm, intoxicating lips. He tastes like beer, definitely from his drink.

He removes his lips from you, and you faintly exhale in an unsteady breath. "Mmmm, yer too much fr' me, sweetie." Toji groans and kisses down your neck while you place a hand on his chest to grip his turtleneck for support before you dissolve into his arms. And although you shouldn't be at your work at this time of night doing this, it felt too good to end.

"I want you to be with me," Toji says in-between smooches on your neck, moving to paint the other side with his pecks. "You're so good to me, darlin', always being such a good girl." He nibbles on your clavicle, and a soft gasp rewards his eardrums. "Lemme take care of you, y/n."

All that's going through your head is the feeling of his lips on your body and the arousing throbbing sense happening in your nether core.

"Hmm, whaddya say, baby?" His lips are too close to your ear as he playfully bites the lobe. Your thighs rub against one another, and you know there's a wet spot in your panties. "Gonna be my perfect girl?"

If you don't give him an answer quick, you're bound to melt right on this seat, and being a whimpering mess to his touch is embarrassing enough.

"Haaaah...Y-yes," You finally answer in weak whispers, mind spinning and eyes glossy. "I wanna—Ahaaa...I wanna be yours."

You can feel Toji's lips curl into a smile. He lifts his head to look at you, and a hand comes up to cup your face before he gives you a soft kiss on your quivering lips.

"My good girl."

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A few months have passed since you and Toji formed this new relationship. And getting used to certain things is still a challenge.

For one: covering up your new lifestyle is never easy when you're out with people you know. During winter break, you went to dinner with your friends and offered to pay for the whole table. They looked at you as if you were talking nonsense ("Girl, where the hell you get that kind of money to be covering for all of us?" "For real, is this the same diner you've been working at? Are they hiring?").

Another thing that wasn't easy to get accustomed to was Toji spoiling you. Since you're a college student, Toji only sees you every other weekend when he has time. During those days, Toji doesn't hold back in showering you with gifts and affection. Between the fancy dates in expensive restaurants, riding rides at fun amusement parks, or the bags of new clothes you bring back to your dorm, it was something you didn't expect to happen so quickly. Your roommates constantly tease you about this "mystery man" who makes it known you're his special lady.

But outside of that, the most significant change was you and Toji. To say you two got closer was too easy to put into words. Sure, the money was there, so you could finally get a good night's rest without worrying too much about your school debt or bills. However, you knew this went beyond the dollar bills and the fancy clothes.

Come to find out, Toji knows and remembers things that amaze you. There was a time he bought you a whole wardrobe worth of dresses because he remembered you had to cancel dates with your friends since you had nothing cute to wear. Or the time he got you a box of your favorite teas, even though you briefly mentioned them to him during a talk way back from recollection.

And even away from the materialistic things, you can feel how much Toji loves you. You can feel it in his eyes whenever he's looking at you. You can feel it when you try to argue yourself out of trying an outfit you don't think will be good on you, but Toji coaxes you into it because he knows — not thinks, knows you'll look good wearing it. You can feel it in his hands when they hold yours, when he places a hand on your thigh and rubs it in loving warmth, or when he caresses your cheek when he kisses you goodbye when you two have to return to your own lives.

It's a type of love you didn't see yourself being on the other end of. The more immersed you are, the harder it is to imagine yourself out of it.

Spring break is now upon us, and Toji has invited you to join him overseas for a business trip. You tried to decline, saying it's his trip and you don't want to intrude on his business. That argument was immediately shut down ("Tch, believe me, sweetheart, you're saving me from bashing someone's head in if you're close to me than not. Plus, I wanna see you wear that cute swimsuit I got you."), so he dragged you on his private jet, and now we're here.

During the day is when he's away for work, so you spend the morning either in the penthouse suite you two are staying in, outside taking pictures to show Toji later or looking around at the little shops nearby. Toji is done with work around the early afternoon, so you two spend time together exploring the country, trying new foods, and taking walks around the area while talking about how your day went until the sun goes down.

Everything goes well until Thursday when Toji texts you saying something happened at work and that he'd be at the suite later than usual. Well, it's 7:45, the sun is starting to go down, and Toji is still nowhere in sight. I hope everything is alright on his end.

You're unsure about going outside for a walk on the off-chance you stay out too late. And if something happens to you while Toji isn't close by, that'll give him more to worry about on his plate, and you definitely don't want that for him.

So, you look around the penthouse to see if there's anything to keep you occupied until Toji's return, and then what catches your eye is the swimming pool outside on the terrace which you haven't tried yet. That'll do!

You go to change into a swimsuit, a cute two-piece that Toji bought for you when you two went shopping together. After a quick shower, you enter the pool and enjoy the calm waters while watching the sunset, leaving a beautiful array of colors painting the sky over you.

Tomorrow is your last day here while Toji will do business, and then you're back to school on Monday. The fact that you'll be graduating debt free still blows your mind. Toji really fulfilled his promise and took care of your worries.

Is that to say that your relationship ends once you touch that diploma?

You lift your feet and lay on your back to allow the water to hold you up, ears covered in the water and face looking into the sky as you're lost in your thoughts.

It wouldn't be too far off if Toji wanted to close this whole thing off when you graduate, as the point was for you to not worry about debt and such. That much you understood from the very beginning. But what happens after that? Do you two just go back to being acquaintances that only meet at the diner? And what about the stuff he got you? Do they stay with you forever? And do you have to fight memories of him every time you see them?

What about all the touches, all the hand-holding, all the cuddles, and all the kisses? Are they supposed to mean nothing to you the next time you see his face?

You're thankful for the water keeping you afloat in the pool, but having these thoughts attack your brain just makes you want to sink in loathing.

Until you feel something tickle your feet, having your body react in a state of panic. No longer floating on your back, you search for whatever is torturing your feet. Only to find Toji in front of you wearing black trunks, he chuckles lowly, and your heart sinks in embarrassment.

"T-Toji," You swim up to greet him. "How long were you back from work?"

"For about 10 minutes," He watches you move through the water, following you to sit in the shallow part of the pool for you two to talk. "I saw you in the pool and thought I'd join. I tried callin' out to ya, but the water was blocking your ears."

"Hehe, sorry about that. I was thinking about something. How was work?"

His face went into a deep scowl with rolled eyes, and you giggle at his nonverbal response. "Had I not known I was comin' back here to see you, I'd probably fucked that rookie up."

"That bad?"

He hums and brings you closer to him with his hand on your shoulder. "But don't worry 'bout it. And you? What were you thinking about?"

"Hmm? Oh, it was nothing," your encouraging response is fictitious.

Toji lowers a brow. "Try again."

"No, honest! It was nothing, Toji."

"Don't make me tickle you again, kiddo." You freeze and look at his face. His sharp gaze and slight grin speak for themselves about his seriousness.

A sigh is withdraw from your lips. "I was just thinking about how I'd be leaving on Saturday and being halfway done with my senior year of college."

"And?"

"And, uhh," You gulp and avert your eyes to your lap, your fingers swaying with the pool water. "I was also thinking about me... and you?"

There's silence, the lack of response eating you alive. Then you feel Toji's hand grip your shoulder.

"Are you scared I won't be with you after you graduate?"

He hit the nail because you don't answer for a few seconds. Your eyes still avoid him.

But Toji still persists. "Do you not want to be with me?"

Your head turns to face him in haste, taking you aback at how fast you were. "No! I don't want this to end. I'm grateful for how close you and I have become. I want... I want..." You fall silent once more as your head moves back to your lap as if you'd find the words you want to express lying there.

Using his free hand, Toji grabs your chin to look his way again. "What do you want, baby? Use your words fr' me."

The intense gaze of his jade-green eyes captures your attention, practically daring you to look away from him. The warmth of your cheeks spreads around your face, and you gulp before answering.

"I really appreciate all that you've done for me. And I...I really like you, Toji. I want to be with you." His face doesn't change as you ramble on, causing you to move your eyes to avoid the awkward stare. "But I wouldn't blame you if you want to stop with where we—"

Your sentence was interrupted by Toji's kiss, and a squeak was suppressed between the two lips. You exhale in bliss as your hands find purchase on his solid chest. He deepens the kiss when his hand is posted at the back of your neck.

You break the kiss to breathe, Toji's gruff chuckles fills the warm air.

"You're too adorable, princess. Do you really think I'd want to let my precious girl away from my sight?" You open your mouth to interject, but Toji lifts your hand and brings it to his lips, kissing each knuckle. "Listen here, darlin'. I didn't offer to take care of your debt on a whim. I adore the fuckin' shit out of you, and I was gonna wait til your graduation to ask if you'd still want this thing to be official."

"But now that I hear you're interested," his big hand holds yours, fingers intertwined as his thumb brushes your forefinger. "Are ya up for it?"

You breathe slowly to ease your heart, beating at an irregular tempo. You grip his hand in return and offer a sheepish smile.

"Yes. I'd like that very much, Toji."

He smirks and kisses your cheek. "Good girl." Toji has his arms placed behind your back and under your legs. Then he stands up while picking up your figure bridal style. He grins hard when you squeal in surprise as your arms sling around his neck.

"Let's shower," he walks out of the pool and into the suite. "And then afterward, I'll show you how much I've been itchin' to make you be my girl for real."

The heat on your face grows tenfold, and Toji barks a laugh when you hide your face. You can only mentally pray for yourself for what's to come.

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

That little prayer did absolutely nothing!

Now you're lying on the bed nude and wet from the shower as the water droplets on your body slide down to the satin sheets beneath you. Your hands cover your mouth, trying to suppress the moans and sobs from exiting your lips.

And the cause of this is the man currently nestled between your legs. You can see the raven hair between your inner thighs, but you feel a wet muscle lapping around your vulva. The lewd noises of Toji eating you out fill the room and has you writhing in discomfort, and you try to slowly move your lower region away from his ravaging mouth.

"Aht aht, you're not goin' anywhere, mama." Toji's rough hands grip your waist and pull you back down, his nose brushing your clit as you jerk upwards. He lifts his head to look at you, and the image of your slick smeared all over his mouth and chin almost makes you faint.

"Put those hands down, baby. Let Daddy hear that sweet voice of yours." He uses one hand to play with your pussy, middle and forefinger abuse your inner lips as his thumb grinds down on your sweet bud. Your eyes shoot up for the stars, and you're forced to do what he says, hands gripping the sheets while your cries are out for him to hear.

"Aahhhh!! Haaah, T-Toji!! 'S too much, too—Ooohh!" His tongue returns between your cunt, licking and tasting the sticky fluid coating your pussy. Your eyes are watering, your mind starts to feel dizzy, and your legs can't stay still to save your life. He's been doing this for 15 minutes!!

You clutch his hair and wail out his name in pleasure, earning a moan from Toji as his grip on your thighs gets tighter.

He can tell you're close to finishing, so he helps you. His tongue slides from your wet center to your clitoris, licking and sucking on the extremely sensitive bud, his teeth lightly pressing down on the pearl.

Your release comes instantly, and your walls spasm as you cry in pure euphoria. Your head pushed deep into the pillow below you, letting your body finish reacting to the climax. However, Toji doesn't wait for you when his mouth drinks your essence. His tongue attacked your sore velvety walls, having you gasp for air.

When he's done, he finally withdraws from between your legs and kneels before you, taking in your disheveled figure. Your tear-stricken face and hooded eyes peer up at him as he wipes his face of your excess come, licking the rest from the back of his hand.

Toji snickers hoarsely. "Sorry, sweetheart, you tasted so fuckin' good I couldn't help myself. Besides," you watch his hands trail down to his dick as he places himself on your messy vagina. "Gotta get you prepped up fr' me."

He puts a pillow under your lower back to raise your hips more. Seeing his dick for the first time has you in mental turmoil. Toji notices you looking and sneers, pulling your hips to him so his balls practically kiss your opening, his dick on full display on your lower abdomen. The girth alone has your cunt pulsating in anticipation, and good God, the length of that thing. It's not the first dick you've seen in your life, but it's definitely the biggest challenge you've come across.

I hope those 15 minutes of prep were enough.

You come back to your senses when you feel the tip of his hefty member circling the corners of your folds, and your slick aids him as a lubricant.

"Ready, babygirl?" You exhale a nervous breath and nod for confirmation. "Okay, we're gonna start real slow."

Toji began to push the tip in, your folds being spread open to accommodate the foreign object intruding into your tight hole. You close your eyes and hold your breath, the pain worsening by the second. You take one breath, and Toji pushes further. With another breath, he goes further. Another-

A giant gasp takes over you as the tip of Toji's cock enters you. And Toji takes his time pushing himself further into you, using every fiber of his being not to rut into your tight walls off the jump.

"Haaah, hmmm, oh fuck," That's easier said than done with you gripping onto him like your life depended on it. Once he's pushed his whole cock into you, your words come out as a babbling mess, gripping his arms for support. He looks down at your disarranged self, chuckling at such a wonderful sight. "You look really fuckin' sexy layin' under me, baby."

"God...Toji," Tears stream down your cheeks, wincing at the pain down south. "'S too muuu-ch, too big for—Hnnngh!!" A sudden thrust of the hips has you biting down on your bottom lip.

"C'mon now, I thought I told you about that. I already let it slide once or twice." Toji places your legs on his shoulders and leans close to you, his body weight adding onto yours as the base of his cock grinds into your sex. "What's my new name, mama?"

"Ah!! I'm sorry, Daddy." The title comes through sobs.

Toji grins from ear to ear, wiping your tears with his calloused fingers. "Good girl," he kisses your forehead as you adjust to his girthy length. "So fuckin' pretty fr' Daddy." He takes your lips with his soft ones before moving his hips in a slow yet rough rhythm.

The mating press has your body submit to him, taking in his cock as it sinks deep into your swollen core. And it only gets worse when his pace gets faster, hitting your sweet spots accurately. At this rate, you're bound to cum earlier than necessary.

Then you feel his tip abruptly touch your cervix, and the wail you let out is picked up by Toji's ears. "Oh? Think I found what I was lookin' for." His hips grind deep in you, his tip abusing your poor cervix to the point you speak in tongues. "Feelin' good, princess?"

"Fuck, Daddyyyy, please, I'm-Ahaaah, Ohhh!" His irrational pace has your brain turning to mush, his cock bullying your insides. The sound of his balls slapping against your squelching folds has you squeezing him harder. "I'm gonna cu-cumm!!"

Toji hisses into your ear, the tone of his voice dominating your senses. "Oooooh, don't grip on me like that, sweetie. Gonna end up — Mmmph! Shit, shit, shit, shit...Gonna give you a baby."

You reach to cup his face through watery eyes glazed in a haze. "Please, Daddy, I want it," You know you're talking nonsense, but why care when you're feeling this fucking good. "Inside, I want it, inside!"

"Heh, be careful with what you wish for, mama." He kisses you again as his hips become erratic, and he moves a hand to your clit and pinches it, whining into your mouth when you're cunt clutches onto him one final time.

You cum around his cock and push your head back on the pillows, your gushy walls spasming around his length, prompting Toji to cum inside you after a few more thrusts. You two moan into each other's mouths, riding each other's high until your bodies calm down.

The two of you pant heavily once the kiss is broken apart, and his deep emerald orbs take in your dazed expression. He smiles when he notices drool on the side of your mouth, using a thumb to wipe it off for you.

"My sweet darlin'," Toji kisses your cheek and sighs deeply into your embrace. "You're too good fr' me, baby."

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

"Did I say that I want your babies?"

You're resting with Toji, your head relaxed on his chest as you sit between his legs. The television in the bedroom plays an episode of a sitcom, anything for you two to look at and enjoy a moment of peace together.

He snickers at your question, his chest rising and falling as you lay on him feels nice. "Yeah, you kinda did."

"Wow, that sex must've screwed something up in my head."

"Yeah, my dick had you wanting to risk it all." He snorts when you playfully hit his arm. "Don't worry, we can find some plan b in the morning."

Turning to face Toji, still watching TV, you furrow your brows. "We? What about work?"

"I have tomorrow off. It's your last day, and I don't feel like going back to work, or else I'll be sour all fuckin day. Much rather spend it with you than with some morons."

You look at Toji for a little longer before you smile and kiss his cheek, catching the older man off guard as you nestle into his warm body. "Thank you, Toji. For everything."

The thanks carry a deeper meaning. Not a single ounce of doubt clouds your mind now that you've gotten the closure you wanted. Thinking about how your life brought you to this moment, you're happy with your decision to pursue this relationship and more. And it's thanks to this man for making it possible.

Toji still stares at you before he scoffs and kisses your temple.

"No problem, kiddo."

4K notes · View notes

steddieas-shegoes · 9 months

Note

Hi! Hope ur doing great! First of all, I really love your fics! I think you're really talented.

I have a request, if it's not too much trouble. I can't stop thinking about a Steve w/head trauma (so, maybe migraine prone, memory issues, etc) and a DM Eddie that still resents Steve from high school. Eddie doesn't know Steve struggles with the complications of his concussions, so he keeps judging him for it. Say, for example, Steve got a terrible migraine and couldn't pick the kids up from Dnd and Eddie thinks he's probably at a party and stood them up. Then Eddie finds out, maybe from Steve himself or a Party member or Steve's parents. (If you could somehow sneak in Steve's parents being good caring parents for one, it'd be really cool.) Eddie apologizes and they start getting closer. And, yeah, that's all. Thank you!!!

We know I love writing Steve with a migraine. Not to jinx anything, but it's been almost two weeks since I've had one myself so I'm sure the torture I put him through here will have instant karma and I will wake up with one. Is it realistic for Eddie to pretty much fall instantly in love with a man he hated the night before? No. Do I write realistic stories? No. Buckle up for the fastest burn you can possibly read today! - Mickala ❤️

----------------------------------------------------------------

Steve Harrington was late.

Not just a few minutes late, not like he maybe got held up at a light for an extra two minutes, not like he had to stop for gas.

He was 25 minutes late.

Eddie was pissed.

He didn’t mind hanging out with the kids longer, wouldn’t have even minded if he’d just been given a heads up that Steve would be late.

A phone call.

A fucking letter by pigeon.

Anything.

Dustin seemed worried, more than anyone else, though the later it got, the more Lucas and Will and Mike seemed to worry too.

And Eddie would maybe worry too, except he knew what was happening.

He knew because it’s all he ever expected of Steve.

Steve probably went to a party, thought he could make his rounds, maybe have a drink and sober up in time to come get the kids.

And then he probably got bribed into having another drink, maybe smoke a joint in the backyard of whatever rich kid’s house he was visiting, maybe have a shot with a group of kids who liked to spend their time bullying the very kids he was supposed to be picking up.

Maybe fuck a girl in a bedroom upstairs until he was too tired and just passed out on top of her.

He rolled his eyes at the thought.

“Maybe we could try to call his house again?” Lucas asked.

“He didn’t answer the first four times, why would he now?” Mike asked, though his eyes kept scanning the road into the trailer park, searching for headlights that wouldn’t appear.

And wasn’t that just the last straw for Eddie? Watching his favorite gremlins admire and respect someone who couldn’t even remember to pick them up? Watching them expect so much from a guy who peaked in high school, who didn’t care about them if it hindered his plans?

“You guys wait here,” he said, his hands shaking with anger.

“Where are you going?” Will asked.

“To call Robin. If anyone will know what’s up, she will,” he replied.

It was late, but not too late for a phone call between adults.

“Buckley residence, you’ve got Robin,” Robin answered the phone with a bored tone.

“Any clue why your best friend is 30 minutes late to pick the kids up from my house?” He tried not to sound angry at her, it wasn’t her fault.

But he couldn’t hide the fact that he didn’t understand what band nerd, lesbian, nice person Robin could possibly see in Steve.

Sure, he carted the kids around a lot, and had helped Wayne out with Eddie’s medical stuff after Vecna, but it felt like he did it out of guilt more than anything else.

“He’s never late,” she said, her tone sharp, defensive. “You sure he knew they needed rides?”

“Positive. I heard him yell to them when he dropped them off that he’d see them in three hours.”

Robin didn’t respond for a minute, and he almost thought the line went dead.

“Has Dustin tried the walkie?” She finally asked.

“Yeah. No answer.”

“Shit.”

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Wanna fill me in here, Buckaroo?”

“Um. Can you bring the kids home? I gotta go check on him.”

Before he could respond, the dial tone let him know she was already gone.

“Fuck!” He yelled.

He hung up the phone and grit his teeth together.

The problem wasn’t taking the kids home, he really didn’t mind and had told them on multiple occasions that he could so they didn’t have to rely on Steve to do it.

The problem was that they had relied on Steve and he let them down.

He hated that he’d have to go out there and tell them that Steve wasn’t coming.

He hates Steve for the way he would have to watch their faces fall, for the way they’d ride to their homes in silence.

He hated Steve for the fact that he’d probably buy them all ice cream tomorrow to apologize and they’d all rely on him again.

All would be forgiven.

———————————-

The next morning, he tried calling Robin and got no answer.

He tried calling Dustin and got no answer, though he wasn’t as surprised by that since he’d already been considering going to the Sinclairs’ to spend the weekend since his mom was working.

He tried Steve’s house and got an answering machine. Twice.

He considered leaving a scathing message, but didn’t want to risk one of his parents hearing it and deleting it.

“Fuck it,” he said to himself before he grabbed his keys and decided to drive to Steve’s house.

He was a little surprised to actually see Steve’s car in the driveway, half expecting him to still be passed out at some stranger’s house.

Before he could ring the doorbell, the front door swung open and Robin’s wide eyes were silently begging him to stay quiet.

She looked exhausted, a little flustered, more stressed than he’d seen in a long time.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

Maybe Steve drank more than he should’ve, maybe he wasn’t actually home and she was trying to find him still.

“Come in but be quiet. He’s finally sleeping,” she said, already walking back into the house.

He followed, closing the door behind him and giving his surroundings a quick look.

Everything looked perfect as usual except for Robin’s shoes by the door and her backpack open on the floor by the couch.

The couch that Steve was currently passed out on, blankets almost completely covering his head, ice pack resting over his eyes.

Eddie’s brows furrowed.

“Hangover?” He whispered to Robin.

She looked at him confused.

“No? He hasn’t drank in nearly a year.”

If Eddie didn’t have more control over his body, his jaw would’ve dropped.

“Oh. Um. So is he sick?” Eddie tried to gather up his thoughts, glancing over at the sleeping form on the couch.

He noticed the curtains closed and no lights turned on, noticed the complete silence in the house except for the sound of a fan running in the corner.

“He gets migraines. I thought you knew,” she said.

Eddie shook his head.

“He’s had a lot of head trauma. Gets migraines that make it impossible to even sit up sometimes. I guess he was fighting it most of the day yesterday but after he dropped the kids off with you, he passed out in the shower and barely was able to crawl to his bed after. When you called me, I kind of assumed the worst, so I came straight here and saw him naked and shivering in bed, not able to get up to get dressed or even get the covers on. Got him dressed, got him water and meds, called his parents, tried to help him eat. He spent almost an hour throwing up after that. Then he cried because he forgot the kids. Memory problems happen with the head trauma, too. I couldn’t calm him down until about an hour ago.”

Eddie let himself feel the guilt he deserved for thinking the worst of Steve.

Steve didn’t deserve this. No one did.

“Does he need to go to the hospital?” Eddie whispered, his voice broken thinking about how Steve had been alone here, probably scared when he was curled up in his bed unable to move.

“No. His parents are on their way. If it’s not better tomorrow, they’ll probably take him to his neurologist,” Robin responded.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

A whimper came from the couch, causing Robin to tense and hold her breath.

Eddie looked over and waited to see if maybe Steve was completely awake or if he’d just made a noise in his sleep.

After a few seconds, Robin relaxed, and he felt a breath leave his body.

“How often does this happen?” he whispered as she went to grab a drink from the fridge.

“This bad? Once a month or so. He sometimes has some memory problems without the migraine, but luckily he snaps back quickly,” she shrugged, acted as if it wasn’t a big deal, but Eddie could see right through her.

“And you help him a lot?”

“Well, his parents travel a lot for work, and he can’t always call them or remember how to contact them when it’s this bad, so yeah. I tend to be the one to take care of him until they can get here,” she said.

Eddie chewed on a piece of his hair, glancing over towards the couch every few seconds.

He was surprised this hadn’t come up before.

He was even more surprised that none of the kids had mentioned this as a possibility last night.

“Why didn’t the kids mention it last night when I was pissed?” he finally asked.

“Steve doesn’t really tell anyone. Like, the kids know, but they’ve never actually seen it, and so I think they just kinda forget. He doesn’t wanna bother them with it.”

“That’s stupid, they care about h-”

The front door started to open and a woman peeked her head inside.

Robin ran over as quickly and quietly as she could and Eddie stood awkwardly behind the couch as a middle aged woman walked into the house.

A man followed a few seconds after, a bag in hand.

“Is he asleep?” the woman asked.

“Yeah,” Robin replied before explaining much of what she’d already told Eddie to them.

The Harringtons looked surprisingly put together for a couple who probably hadn’t slept all night and most likely had flown home from somewhere as quickly as they could. They also looked nothing like what Eddie expected.

Mr. Harrington was bald, age spots on his head giving away that he must have been quite a few years older than Mrs. Harrington. She had the same color hair as Steve, same voluminous style, cut just above the shoulders. They both wore glasses, and both of them were wearing business attire like they’d rushed back directly from a meeting.

“And who is this?” he heard Mr. Harrington ask, gesturing towards Eddie.

He walked over and put his hand out to shake, trying to remember the best manners he could.

“I’m Eddie, a friend of Steve’s.”

He could feel Robin staring at him, but didn’t turn towards her. Instead, he shook Mrs. Harrington’s hand and then offered to help with any other bags they have.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We can get them later. Since he’s asleep, we’re gonna go freshen up a bit and then you can head on home. Thank you for taking care of him, Robin. You know we appreciate you so much,” Mrs. Harrington said as she hugged her.

“It’s never a problem. Take your time,” she said.

“I’ll stay, Robin. You should go home and sleep,” Eddie offered before he could think about what he was offering.

“You’ll stay? With Steve?” Robin asked incredulously.

“Yeah. He seems pretty out of it so I’m sure he won’t even wake up before they’re done,” Eddie said, hopeful that he was right.

“Alright, my mom should be here in a few minutes anyway. She was bringing me a change of clothes in case I ended up staying today, so she can just bring me home,” Robin said hesitantly.

“Okay.”

The Harringtons nodded and walked upstairs without another word, most likely too tired to care much about who stayed with Steve as long as he was being looked after.

“Eddie, you don’t have to do this,” Robin said when they were gone.

“I know. But I’m the only one here who slept last night, I can handle it for a bit.”

“He can be…kind of a lot,” she sounded like she didn’t want to admit it, didn’t like saying something negative about him at all.

“It’s fine. If he’s in this much pain, then it’s understandable.”

Robin looked him over for a moment, something like understanding finally showing on her face. He didn’t know what she was understanding, but he was just grateful she didn’t seem to want to talk more.

She started zipping up her backpack, putting on her shoes, and whispering some basic instructions to Eddie in case Steve woke up.

“Replace the ice pack, don’t let him try to move off the couch by himself and only if he has to use the bathroom. The bucket at the end of the couch is if he gets sick. He needs water if you can try to help him drink some, and if he thinks he can stomach it, there’s some crackers on the coffee table. He’s due for more meds in two hours, but you probably won’t be here for that,” she rambled off.

Eddie nodded along, mentally making a to-do list.

“You’re sure you got it? He sometimes isn’t able to talk.”

Jesus Christ, how had he never noticed this? Was he that oblivious to what Steve was going through?

“I got it.”

He could hear a car pull into the driveway and Robin opened the door to leave.

“If you need me, call me. The Harringtons will probably be as quick as possible, but just in case,” she begged him.

“Okay.”

She left and closed the door behind her quietly, leaving Eddie staring at it for a minute.

He heard a small whimper from the couch and he rushed over, looking down at Steve.

The ice pack had fallen off his face, and his eyes were scrunched closed like he was still suffering even in his sleep.

Eddie leaned over to pick up the ice pack, ready to trade it out with a fresh one, when one of Steve’s eyes opened.

He froze and looked at him, hoping he would go back to sleep quickly.

“Eds?”

Shit.

He’d started calling him Eds in the hospital, always walking into his room with a bright smile and a ‘hey, Eds’ that had Eddie cracking a small smile.

He hadn’t heard it since then.

“Yeah?” he finally responded, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible.

He knew when Wayne got headaches, he was very sensitive to noise.

“Hurts,” Steve whimpered out.

Eddie’s heart shattered in his chest.

He walked closer to the couch and knelt down on his knees, placing a hand on Steve’s forehead.

“I know, Stevie. You wanna try to have a sip of water for me?” He whispered.

“No, hurts.”

“Might help,” Eddie tried to bribe him.

But Steve’s eyes were closed again, and even though he wasn’t asleep, he was making it very clear that he couldn’t quite handle keeping them open right now.

Eddie gently ran his fingers back and forth across his forehead, down his nose, along his temples, smiling as Steve’s wrinkles seemed to disappear, his face relaxing slowly.

“Go back to sleep, Stevie,” he whispered.

“Mhm,” Steve let out before he seemed to actually fall back asleep.

—------------------------------

Eddie didn’t move from his spot for nearly 45 minutes, even when his legs went numb and his hand started cramping.

Steve hadn’t so much as snored, so Eddie didn’t want to risk any movement waking him up.

“Would you like something to drink?” Mrs. Harrington asked him, startling him slightly.

“No, thank you,” Eddie responded as quietly as possible.

“Are you the Eddie from the hospital? The one he insisted on visiting every day?” she asked as she sat down on the coffee table right next to him.

“Um, yes ma’am,” he knew he sounded nervous.

“Oh, so you boys worked it all out? He promised he’d tell me if you said yes!” she smiled at him.

“Worked…what out?”

Her eyes widened.

“Your feelings! Steve told us he was going over to your house the day you got out of the hospital and telling you how he felt,” she explained, sounding somewhat unsure now.

Eddie felt like his stomach had dropped to the floor.

“He what?”

“Oh dear,” she said, wringing her hands in her lap. “I suppose I was wrong.”

Eddie saw Mr. Harrington walk into the kitchen from his spot on the floor, felt the tension in the air as Mrs. Harrington tried to change the subject quickly.

But he wasn’t going to stop thinking about what she meant.

Steve had had feelings for him? Like, more than a friend feelings?

Steve let out a small groan in his sleep, shifting his head a bit.

Eddie tried to shush him a bit, running his fingers gently through his hair, careful not to catch on any tangles.

He could feel Mrs. Harrington watching, but she didn’t say anything else until Steve seemed to calm again.

“You know, Steve came out to us in March. Said he’d met a guy who was worth the risk. We love him, we always will, but we were very worried. I think any parent worries when their child, even their grown ones, says they’re in love with someone. In this case, we didn’t know if you felt the same, or if you even liked men. And Steve here tends to fall fast and fall hard and forgets to wear a parachute before the jump.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, his head filled with the way she’d called his feelings love.

“But I think I see now that he didn’t need one. I think he had you jumping with him and you remembered the parachute for him.”

He turned to look at her, her fond smile pointed at them both as he continued to run his fingers through Steve’s hair.

She got up and went into the kitchen, leaving Eddie to think about what she said.

That’s all he did for a while.

—---------------------------------------

The next time Steve woke up, he was slightly more coherent, but still didn’t want to eat or drink.

Mrs. Harrington had gone to lay down for a nap while Mr. Harrington was finishing up something in his office. They both told him to come find them if Steve woke up and needed something.

At some point, Eddie had rested his head against Steve’s chest, listening to his heart beat loudly against his ear.

“Eddie?”

No, why Eddie again? Why not Eds?

“Hey, Stevie,” he lifted his head and spoke just above a whisper. “How about a few sips of water?”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can. I’ll help.”

Robin had been kind enough to find a straw for the cup of water she’d gotten before she left, so Eddie just held it up close to Steve’s lips and told him to sip.

Steve did manage a few sips before he shook his head and started to turn away.

“It’s time for more meds. Wanna take them?” Eddie asked.

“Bed?”

“Um.”

“Carry me.”

Eddie let out a small laugh at the demanding tone in Steve’s voice.

Even through the pain, and exhaustion, and struggle of speaking, he sounded like a drama queen.

Eddie might love him.

“Won’t that hurt?”

“A little.”

“Then shouldn’t you stay here?”

“Wanna cuddle.”

Oh.

“Uh. With…your mom?”

“You.”

Eddie was going to pass out.

There was no way he’d be able to carry Steve up the stairs to his room and then cuddle with him, and pretend he wasn’t feeling the overwhelming urge to propose marriage.

These new feelings kicked in too fast for him to process and he knew cuddling wouldn’t help.

“Please?” Steve asked, his eyes squinting slightly from what little light was making it through the curtains.

“Okay, but don’t laugh when I get out of breath.”

Steve didn’t respond, or really do anything to acknowledge what Eddie said, but he was pretty sure Steve’s head hurt too much to laugh anyway so he took a chance.

He removed the blankets on top of him and managed to pick him up relatively easily.

The walk to the stairs wasn’t bad.

The walk up the stairs was rough for a couple reasons: One, Eddie was out of shape and Steve weighed roughly the same as him. Two, Steve kept whimpering in pain with every step.

When they finally reached his bedroom, Eddie was panting and Steve had a couple tears falling from his eyes.

“I sure hope the cuddling lives up to expectations after that,” Eddie tried to joke.

“Worth it,” Steve sighed.

He set Steve in his bed first, made sure the fan in the room was on and the curtains were shut, then got into his bed.

People dreamed for most of high school to be in this position, but Eddie hadn’t let himself picture it.

He wouldn’t have ever pictured this scenario anyway.

Steve was sweaty, almost like he was running a fever, but Eddie didn’t let that deter him from scooting closer and moving Steve into his arms.

They both fell asleep in minutes, Eddie’s fingers wrapped up in Steve’s hair.

—----------------------------------------

When Eddie woke again, it was pitch black in the room.

Steve was also awake.

“Stevie? You need something? Feeling any better?”

He didn’t answer for a minute, and Eddie considered running to get one of his parents, when he finally spoke up.

“A little. Thanks”

Eddie let out a breath and relaxed back against the pillows under him.

“You can go if you want,” Steve nearly whispered into the darkness.

Eddie tensed again as he looked over at Steve, who was playing with the blanket covering him in his hands, not looking at Eddie.

“And if I don’t want to?” Eddie asked, reaching a hand out to hold Steve’s.

“I know you hate me, so. You can go.”

Well, that just wouldn’t do.

Eddie couldn’t let him think he hated him, even though up until this morning, he thought he did.

“Stevie, lay down and look at me.”

Steve, surprisingly, listened and Eddie felt a tug at his heart that Steve was willing to listen to him that easily.

Eddie cupped Steve’s jaw, gentle in case of any lingering migraine pains.

“I don’t hate you. I think I realized that maybe I had my own feelings wrong for a long time,” he admitted.

“What?”

“The best part of my days in the hospital were when you visited. Wayne used to make fun of me when you left for being stuck in the hospital for longer because I was lovesick. And when I got home and you didn’t come visit unless you were bringing the kids by, I just kinda thought it meant things were back to normal. King Steve didn’t need to be nice anymore, his charity case was safe and mostly healed,” Eddie stopped Steve from interrupting at that, scared to lose his train of thought. “So I went back to hating you. It’s easier to hate someone when your heart’s broken, ya know? And I just assumed you were the same Steve I thought you always were. But then I realized that you never really were the Steve I thought you were. And especially now, you’re a guy who deserves kindness and care and love. I’d really like the chance to give that to you.”

He felt Steve’s face getting wet and he brushed his thumbs back and forth to wipe away the tears falling.

“I was going to tell you the day you got out of the hospital,” Steve said, voice trembling.

“Tell me what?”

“That I loved you.”

The world stopped spinning, Eddie would bet money on it.

“You did?”

“I did.” Steve gulped. “I do.”

“You do?”

“You’re a hard person to fall out of love with, Munson.”

It was Eddie’s turn to cry, a few tears falling from his eyes onto the pillowcase below.

“So…”

“So?” Steve asked.

“Is the headache better? I’d really like to kiss you,” Eddie said.

“It’s good enough for a kiss. Might even work better than the meds,” Steve’s smirk could be seen even in the darkness.

Eddie didn’t need to wait for more permission than that.

He was gentle, of course. Just because his migraine had gotten better, didn’t mean he was ready to make out.

He gave him a couple soft pecks on the lips, smiling when he felt Steve smiling against him.

“I think you’re probably pretty easy to fall in love with, Harrington.”

“Yeah?” he asked, voice rough.

“Yeah, might be a new record for me.”

“I’ve been told it’s very sexy when I’m suffering through a migraine,” Steve joked.

“You have no idea,” Eddie joked back.

They stayed in bed all night, Steve eventually falling back asleep again.

Eddie stayed awake though, memorizing the shape of Steve’s body with his fingers, or at least what he could reach while he held him.

They could talk more tomorrow, when Steve’s migraine fully subsided.

But Eddie knew what he wanted now, and he’d never been so happy to be wrong about someone.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #robin buckley #ficlet #request #steve harrington has head trauma #hurt/comfort #getting together #angst with a happy ending

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squerlly · 2 months

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flames of desire chapter 5: bonding exercise

Alastor x (f! bunny reader) -Fluff- chapter 1

your POV:

through out my time here in hell I have grown accustomed to the musty hot atmosphere of the underworld and the loud mornings of screaming, gun shots, and road rage, its hell after all and there technically isn't any rules. me and angel hang out a lot more, behind his sex jokes and playful demeaner hes a great friend. husk and I are cool I suppose, according to him I'm more tolerable. Nifftys a bit crazy and energetic but I enjoy helping her clean sometimes, but one person that's been on my mind a lot is Alastor. hes always watching me, I catch him staring at me with that weird smile, I wonder if his face hurts from smiling all the time...none of my business what he does I just wish he wasn't so eerie. I was in the lobby this morning when Charlie called us over for a "bonding exercise", seeing everybody gathered in there seats I sit on the couch next to angel, "good morning everybody thank you for comingggg, I would like to have you all here for a little bonding time yayy!!!..." the silence was defiantly loud... "uhm- well I though we could all do something fun like drawing!" standing behind her vaggie comes out with paper, markers, and crayons "oooo colors" niffty giggles "what's does this look like kinder garden?" "angel please try and at least participate" letting out an annoyed grumble he agrees "fineee..." "great! were all going in partners and you will draw each other, that sound fun right!!?" oh no... "charlies with me, husks with angel, and Alastors with y/n, nifftys can uhm..." "oh oh can I be the judge!!!" "sure..." "you gotta be fucken kidding me..." "aww cmon whiskers I'm not that baddd~" walking to there partners I turn to see Alastor sitting on the arm chair looking at me with a wide grin on his face, "fuck me..." I grumble walking over to sit on the floor beside him "well my dear looks like its just me and you" "yeah... me and you" grabbing two pieces of papers and some crayons "I cant even draw..." "oh don't worry I'm sure you will do just fine!" "why am I doing this again..." "cheer up dear this is supposed to be fun after all, I cant be that hard to draw" "yeah your right just need two colors" scribbling on the paper I start at the base of his face, doodling his creepy smile and red hair, looking up I see him studying me curiously "what's the matter, am I hard to draw?" I say smugly "not at all dear your quite easy to draw" ouch, thanks...

Alastors POV:

I never really focused any time on things such as art, yes I can cook and maybe play the piano but drawings not one of my few good skills although ill give it a shot. I would have never guessed I would be sitting here doing one of charlies silly little projects, attempting to draw y/n I look at here for a while, this is the closest I have ever really been next to her, my she really is small it makes me want to squeez her tiny little body, her head could fit in my hand easily. I have noticed a few things while observing her, her ears twitch when she's focused on things like now, her pink bunny nose twitches when she's scared, and her fluffy tail wags when she's exited or annoyed what a strange individual...

your POV:

"ok guys once your done with your drawings you will show them off to your partners!!", as a few minutes pass by I have finished my drawing and well I'm quite disappointed in myself, man I should have taken art class in high school "I finished if your ready to show them" hell no... "I- I'm done but I don't think I wanna... "oh I'm sure its not that bad" giving the drawing one last glance I turn the page I show him the drawing facing away to hide what little dignity I had left. hearing a quiet static buzz noise I look back up seeing him looking at the drawing with a questionable face "I know its badd!!!" "w-well I wouldn't say that dear its just..." "just say its bad!" "its interesting" "well what does yours look like?" turning his page my jaw drops to the floor, what is this creepy deer man not good at "its not my best work but-" "are you kidding me Al this is good!" standing up I grab the drawing, it was in crayon but it looked just like me. pausing I try to tone down my excitement seeing alastor wide eyed from my reaction "I'm glad you like it dear" "what cant you do" "well I did say I was a man of many talents but drawing isn't one of them" "do you uhh mind if I keep this..." "not at all dear~" "you don't have to keep mine you can just throw it-" "nonsense its mine isn't it?" "yes.." "then I will keep it". for once he seemed to have a genuine smile on his face, not some creepy ass smile, its kind of nice...

Alastors POV:

I don't know why but I wanted to keep her silly little drawing, its...cute?. it looks nothing like me but its quite amusing seeing her all embarrassed. I was surprised to see she liked my drawing, her eyes lit up with a small smile on her face, it feels good to know my work is appreciated even in the... strangest things it gives me a sense of pride, I might hang it in my radio tower...

your POV:

looking at everybody else I saw Charlie bouncing on her heels looking at a little doodle vaggie made how cute~, husk made a sloppy doodle of angel and angel just drew himself. niffty was running around looking at others drawings, eventually she got around to ours, climbing on my shoulder she looks at Alastors drawing "ooooOooo you look so cute in the picture!!" I smile a bit "thanks niff" grabbing her off my shoulder I set her down "well that's the end of the exercise, how was it!" "ehh it wasn't to bad" "it was alright" "whatever...im going back to the bar" Charlie puts on a little smile "well do one again next week, maybe we could make cookies together or do all about ME's oh oh!! what about-" "ok hon slow down" "sorry". this was nice, hell isn't that bad, at least not here. better than home...

hey guys!!! I was supposed to release this earlier but I'm a little sick right now from the cold weather but I refuse to let you guys down! I made this chapter a little longer than usual so I hope you guys loved this cute chapter as much as I did, love you guys have a good day/night

-squerlly

for more content or chapter please click this masterlist

@pooplyface1423 @strippezzz

#hazbin #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x reader smut #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x y/n

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66sharkteeth · 4 months

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more thoughts (positive for a change)

sorry to keep treating this like a personal journal when most of you are here for CoB content but it remains the 1 place where i feel semi-safe talking about things w/o blasting them to 10k+ people while also having more than 0 people listening

but just feeling a little hopeful for once! i got invited to speak on my 2nd ever panel today. it looks like it's a small convention and it's far too early to know if it'll actually pan out (not even responding today bc im trying to be more strict about giving myself wednesdays off), but it's still just...really cool that i'm actually being recognized as a professional and invited to things.

i still think so much about how when i was like.....12....or something, we had to do one of those like...dream life assignments. and i remember exactly what i said- i wanted to be a mangaka in japan with a studio apartment (yes, i was a very cringy kid. i called my friends -chan and -kun too). then i got older and more realistic. realized i could do art, but never my own project, and yeah, that's what i did for a long time.

yet... here i am now?!! granted, i never moved to japan (which i'm fine w/ lol) and it turns out studio apartments kinda suck and i much prefer a 1 bedroom...but i'm making a living off of that comic i came up w/ in middle school when had 0 concept of reality and how unlikely the chance to do that would be. and... i dunno! for a kind of rare moment, i feel like i can keep doing it (knock on wood)? if it's not obvious by now, i can get kinda doom and gloom about my future (and i wont even think about the industry as a whole w/ AI becoming more of a problem every day), but just for this moment i feel kinda optimistic?

i still have no idea what my future holds with webtoon. I have no idea when I'll have something ready to pitch again or if they'll even take it, but for once I feel like that uncertainty doesn't mean all or nothing. I kinda feel confident for once that even once CoB concludes on Webtoon, I can keep doing this to some capacity, whether that's through another series, physically printing CoB, somehow continuing CoB, I dunno yet. like i dunno. i think i'm just finally having this dawning realization that i am a professional? and other people see me as such? ik, probably a dumb thing to just now be realizing but blah blah, imposter syndrome or something, etc etc.

not sure where i'm going with this but just thank you guys for your support. if you're one of the like 100 people who actually follow me here, tbh you're probably one of my more dedicated readers, so thanks for being part of making this quite literal childhood fantasy dream come true. and shout out to the people actually inviting me to stuff on the super slight chance they actually follow me here. it seriously gave me kind of a reminder that oh yeah, i am a professional and good at this

#rambles #not cob

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tinytinyblogs · 3 months

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Is it hate or love?

Hate or love? Their mixed signals are driving you crazy.

(Ot8 skz reaction, non-idol, lil angst)

Hyung line Maknae line

💬I genuinely enjoy this one; it brings a smile to my face as I write. However, I must admit my mind is currently devoid of any ideas. If you have any requests, feel free to suggest, whether it's a one-shot or a reaction.

Stray kids masterlist here

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

Chan

The fluorescent lights buzzed like angry hornets, each flicker echoing the storm brewing within you. Another mountain of paperwork, another impossible deadline, another unwanted gift from Chan, the CEO who seemed to thrive on your suffering. He was an enigma, admired by the masses, yet your tormentor in disguise. You were done. Done with the endless demands, the relentless pressure, the suffocating feeling of being his personal pack mule. It was always you, drowning in work while others sat idle, their days filled with gossip and coffee breaks. Sleep was a luxury you barely remembered, your nights consumed by spreadsheets and reports. Enough. With a growl that surprised even yourself, you rose from your desk, sanity taking flight. His office, usually a sterile haven of power, became your target. No meek knock, no announcement. You barged in, the door slamming shut with a finality that mirrored the one building inside you. Chan, caught mid-keystroke, his gaze flew up, meeting yours. You held his stare, your emotions a tightly packed bomb, ready to detonate. "Shouldn't you knock?" His voice was a smooth, practiced drawl, but the surprise in his eyes was genuine.

You slammed the door shut, the sound echoing in the tense silence. Your legs took two determined steps forward, each one a declaration of your rebellion. "Yeah, I should," you spat, your voice raw with pent-up frustration. "But I'm done with formalities, Chan. Done with playing your game." He pushed his chair back, his full attention on you now. "The file, I presume?" You scoffed. "You know me too well, don't you? Always up to your neck in demands, yet blind to the idleness around you. I work myself to the bone, barely see the sun, while others twiddle their thumbs and collect paychecks." Your voice, once a whisper of resentment, now roared with righteous anger. You ripped the employee ID card from your neck, a tangible symbol of your servitude. "I'm done, Chan," you declared, flinging the card to the floor, its plastic clatter a punctuation mark on your declaration of freedom. "Done being your slave. Done with this charade. This isn't work, it's a prison, and I refuse to be your inmate any longer." The ID card's clatter echoed in the room, a final punctuation mark on your fiery declaration. "Find someone else to do your dirty work with a smile," you hissed, turning on your heel, ready to escape the suffocating confines of his office.

But a voice, surprisingly gentle, stopped you in your tracks. "No," it said, and you whirled around to find Chan still seated, his gaze fixed on you. He seemed unperturbed by your outburst, his body radiating an unexpected stillness. "I wouldn't find another employee," he continued, his words a quiet counterpoint to the storm raging within you. Your questioning look, a blend of disbelief and lingering anger, seemed to crack his facade just a bit. "You're not quitting," he said, his voice losing its usual edge. "Take a week. Rest. Come back." You scoffed, frustration twisting your gut. "Chan, I'm done. All of it. What do you even want from me?" He leaned back in his chair, his gaze unwavering. "Attention," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "Yours." The revelation hit you like a punch to the solar plexus. Attention? him, the man who seemed to thrive on stoicism and distance? "Wanted the attention you give everyone," he elaborated, his voice laced with a vulnerability you'd never heard before. "But no matter what I did, your eyes were always elsewhere." He glanced at his watch, a flicker of something akin to regret crossing his face. "Go home, rest. I'll visit you after I finish my work today. We can…talk about it."

Minho

As the creak of the nursery door echoed through the silent house, your eyes adjusted to the dim light, revealing Minho slumped on the bed. A fresh gash marred his usually stoic face, sending a wave of concern and exasperation washing over you. You tossed your untied hair back with a frustrated sigh, the loose strands framing your worried expression. "Are you out of your mind?" your voice was sharp, laced with disbelief as you approached him. Minho remained silent, his gaze distant, refusing to meet yours. It was oddly endearing, this uncharacteristic vulnerability, but the anger at his recklessness still burned inside you. "It's kinda fun to hear you fight because of me, isn't it, Minho?" you quipped, your eyes scanning the room for a first-aid kit. It stood sentinel beside him, a silent witness to his recent skirmish. "Since when do you care if anyone mocks me?" you challenged, stepping closer, your voice dropping to a whisper. "Weren't you the one who started it all?" Your words hung heavy in the air, accusation mingled with confusion. As you leaned in, gently tending to his injury, the air crackled with unspoken emotions. Minho, once an impenetrable fortress, seemed to soften under your touch, his eyes holding a depth you'd never witnessed before.

"I never start anything," he finally rasped, his voice rough with unspoken apologies. "I never made fun of you in front of anyone. I wouldn't." His denial hung in the air, tinged with desperation. You looked up, meeting his gaze, his eyes seeking yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch. "Aren't they your friends?" you asked, your voice barely above a breath. "Didn't they just repeat the gossip you started?" Minho let out a heavy sigh, his hand reaching out to grasp yours, stopping your ministrations. His touch sent a jolt through you, and you instinctively looked up, drawn into the maelstrom of emotions swirling in his eyes. This simple gesture, this unexpected vulnerability, opened a crack in the facade he'd carefully constructed. And in that small opening, you glimpsed a truth that threatened to rewrite everything you thought you knew about Minho. What lay beneath the surface? Regret? Guilt? Something more? The tension in the room hummed like a live wire, charged with unspoken words and the weight of shared secrets. The air, thick with anticipation, waited for the next move, the next truth to break through the silence.

The air between you and Minho crackled with tension, as thick as the silence. His grip on your hand was like a vise, holding you captive in this charged space. "They're my classmates," he finally spoke, his voice low and tight, "but that doesn't mean they blindly follow my every word. Don't paint me as some villain, spewing lies and manipulating them. Stop assuming the worst." You yearned to pull away, to break free from his hold, but the intensity in his eyes pinned you in place. "Because you always act like one, Minho!" you countered, your voice rising in frustration. "This hostility, this constant antagonism toward me – why? Why do you harbor such animosity?" His gaze, once defiant, softened, a flash of pain flickered across his face. "Who said I hate you?" His voice echoed in the quiet room, bouncing off the walls, almost drowning out the distant school bell. "If I truly hated you, wouldn't these wounds be scars on someone else's face? Wouldn't I be far away from you, causing trouble elsewhere?" He looked at you, his eyes raw and searching. "No one," he continued, his voice dropping back to a whisper, "ever told me those things about you. Open your eyes, Y/N," he gestured to his injury, "see past the persona you've built for me. I'm not the monster you think I am."

Changbin

The lunch bell clanged through the bustling cafeteria, a jarring contrast to the turmoil brewing within you. The midday sun, streaming through the glass walls, felt like an unwelcomed spotlight on your skin, highlighting the insecurities the toxic whispers had planted. Your fingers trembled as you checked your watch, the numbers mocking your empty stomach. Lunch should be a joyous break, a chance to refuel and recharge, but the thought of food tasted like ash in your mouth. Every bite felt like a betrayal against the chorus of taunts echoing in your head, the unsolicited advice on your weight a constant weight on your chest. "What's with you?" a voice cut through your misery. Changbin, your perpetual shadow, loomed over you, his presence as unwelcome as the stale cafeteria air. "Forgot your lunch money? Or just another dramatic attempt at starvation?" His words were laced with a familiar bite, designed to prick at the raw nerve endings of your insecurities. You clenched your fists, the urge to lash back crackling in your veins. But you knew the futility of engaging, of feeding the flames of his negativity. "Go away," you muttered, your voice a mere whisper against the cacophony of laughter and chatter.

You turned your gaze towards the window, seeking solace in the blur of the bustling city below. The endless stream of people, each with their own stories, offered a strange comfort, a reminder that you weren't alone in this struggle. Changbin, however, remained a persistent fly in your ointment. "Eat something, you idiot," he rasped, his voice a touch softer than usual. "I don't want to lug your unconscious body to the nurse again." A frustrated sigh escaped your lips as you met his gaze, his untouched lunch sitting accusingly between you. "Don't tell me you're on a diet, Y/N?" his voice was laced with concern, but it grated on your already frayed nerves. "Yeah, well, they keep reminding me how fat and ugly I am," you spat, bitterness clinging to your words like smoke. "Satisfied now? Go eat your lunch somewhere else." He didn't move, his stillness a stark contrast to your turmoil. Instead, he rose from his chair, his gaze unwavering. To your surprise, he didn't leave. Instead, he returned moments later with another lunch set, placing it gently in front of you. "Sometimes, you can be unbelievable," he muttered, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Just eat whatever you want and be happy. Why let their words dictate your joy?" His words hung in the air, a gentle challenge to the self-imposed prison you'd built around your insecurities.

You looked at the food, the vibrant colors and inviting aromas a stark contrast to the darkness in your mind. The tension in the air had softened, replaced by something unexpected - a fragile truce. He sat across from you, his lunch forgotten as he focused on yours. "Beside," he mumbled, eyes glued to the colourful mountain of food on your plate, "you totally look fine in my eyes." His words hung in the air, a stark contrast to the usual barbs and banter that defined your dynamic. You, the prickly defender, and him, the relentless challenger, had somehow stumbled into an unfamiliar territory - one where kindness was laced with gruffness, and concern masked by playful threats. It felt surreal, like waking up in a parallel universe where the sun rose in the west and Changbin, of all people, was complimenting your looks. "Beautiful as always," he added, his gaze meeting yours, a flicker of something... new... dancing in his eyes. It was a look devoid of mockery, devoid of the usual cynicism, and it made your stomach do a strange somersault. He waited, a silent encouragement for you to dig in. You hesitated, the familiar spoon feeling heavy in your hand. "If you skip a meal again, I'm not kidding, I'll make sure you eat something myself."

Hyunjin

The morning light, usually a welcome friend, felt like a harsh spotlight on your throbbing head. The ache in your body was a symphony of protests, each muscle groaning its disapproval at the mere thought of movement. A groggy groan escaped your lips as you tumbled out of bed, the world tilting precariously before righting itself. The fridge, however, refused to cooperate. Its barren shelves mocked your rumbling stomach, a cruel reminder of your impending grocery trip. You winced, the effort of just standing feeling like a Herculean feat. Then, like a bad penny, he materialized. Hwang Hyunjin, your resident thorn in the side, stood there, a smirk playing on his lips. "You look dead," he chirped, his voice somehow grating on your already frayed nerves. Ignoring him, you focused on putting one foot in front of the other, each step a battle against the leaden weight of your body. Hyunjin, however, wasn't done. A hand, surprisingly cool against your burning forehead, stopped you in your tracks.

"Street walking with a fever? Not your brightest move, dumbass," he drawled, his voice laced with a sardonic concern that only he could pull off. You swatted his hand away, a weak attempt at defiance. "Not claiming any awards for genius today," you mumbled, your voice thick with fatigue. "But starving is worse." Hyunjin's smirk softened. He could be infuriating, that was for sure, but even through the haze of your illness, you couldn't help but notice a flicker of something else in his eyes - maybe concern, maybe something more. Every step felt like a betrayal, your body screaming its protest with each groan. Yet, you pushed on, fuelled by a desperate need for the cool embrace of sheets and the sweet oblivion of sleep. Then, amidst the symphony of aches, a hand materialized, grabbing the very item you craved from the shelf. Another hand, warm and surprisingly gentle, nudged you closer to the checkout. You whirled around, expecting the worst, but instead, you found Hwang Hyunjin, the familiar scent of Hyunjin's cologne a sudden anchor in your sea of dizziness.

"You really gonna make a scene by collapsing in public?" he muttered, his voice surprisingly gentle. He pulled you closer, his arm a surprisingly strong shield against the encroaching crowd. His body heat, a stark contrast to your feverish chills, radiated comfort you couldn't deny. You stumbled a little, your vision swimming, but his presence, a steady anchor in the storm, kept you upright. "You don't need to care," you whispered, your voice barely audible above the supermarket din. You looked up at him, his face etched with a concern that made your heart skip a beat. He hummed, a low rumble that somehow soothed the storm raging within you. "I think so," he confessed, his eyes meeting yours with a vulnerability you hadn't seen before. "But you always make me worried, and care." He squeezed your arm gently, the gesture both firm and reassuring. His gaze meeting yours for a fleeting moment. His eyes, usually filled with mischief, held a depth you hadn't seen before. "Hurry up, I'll cook the meal. You should get your medicine, thank me later after you feel better."

©Tinytinyblogs

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lakesbian · 1 month

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OH have you finished all of animorphs then? Any general wrap-up thought on the characters n their arcs if so?

oh boy okay that's a big ask because the lack of specificity means i'm inclined to be comprehensive. i'm gonna force myself to be brief

jakey: very coherent arc from "i'm not the leader why are you guys saying i'm the leader stop saying i'm the leader" to "Subhuman. Flush 'em." it's good. i also like the chain where he's like. initially invested for saving his brother > tells marco he can't make calls about his mother because he's too close to the situation and is frankly an ass about it while hypocritically insisting he can handle the yeerk controlling his brother trying to murder his father, relieved when the animorphs take the difficulty of having to make the choice away from him but still views it as an indictment of his leadership capabilities > during the evacuation of the families he almost like...overcompensates w/ under-prioritizing himself and his loved ones, irrationally prioritizes everyone else's families being moved out first despite the fact that it would have made more tactical sense to do his first > he loses his family over this and it breaks him

rachel: problem w/ rachel is that, unbeknownst to me when i started reading, multiple of the books for her just had no idea what the hell or fuck they were doing, and were wildly out of character. ignoring the books that were fake and didn't happen, her arc is good. the thing is that "we might have to do something terrible, too. get rachel" is the crux of her Issues and the ghostwriters didn't need to do any of that other shit. the fake and true rachel books would've been served better by exploring the fundamental divide btwn her and cassie as people i'm sure you know what i mean

marco: probably the most consistent/strong arc? it's good. reading the end part was like

marco: i haven't seen jake in a few months. i still worry about him of course, just...from my hot tub me: that seems not true marco: okay so he hasn't seen ME in a few months but i have been continuously accidentally-on-purpose spying on him, and also sometimes i turn into a lobster in my fountain to cope me: okay yeah that's true

i like his fundamental internal conflict of. Being a person who is very capable of seeing, as per his iconic monologue, the bright line from a to z, and also continuously kicking the part of him that's horrified & upset by how that line impacts himself/the things personal to him under a rug. and despising when people pity him or acknowledge that he's upset/hurt because it reminds him he's got all that shit under the rug and distracts him from the bright clear line. really really good character writing how he's completely okay with constantly yelling and crying about how he's the most scared and afraid boy ever because fear over physical things is pragmatic, but he can't tolerate having it acknowledged when he's upset by something he knows to be necessary, because that's Not pragmatic. it adds flavor

cassie: i think it's funny how some of the other roles on the team are "the leader" "the lieutenant" "the axe-man" (<- not to be confused with the ax-man) etc and she's The One With A Continuously Functioning Moral Compass, Nerd #2, and The Emergency Lisa*. i've been told that the cassie books are either some of the strongest in the series or absolutely nothing but the thing is that i like the absolute nothing ones because i think the shenanigans are fun. so overall she's got great books. the struggle of a character who finds the moral compromises she's forced to make while participating in a war genuinely psychologically intolerable but still keeps being sucked in further is good & a nice sort of foil 2 some of the other morphs. i do have. And this has to be said despite being somewhat tangential. i do have the firm opinion that. rachel and cassie v much come off like they should be the classic "people who were bffs as kids and start becoming distant/incompatible as teens but are ignoring it and will be insisting on hanging out/calling each other bffs for several more years until something causes a bigger schism" dynamic & it would add a lot more if the text was aware of this fact and did something about it. but that's a longer post for a later time

tobias: his stomach flipping over while he tries to deny that the hawk-boy form of himself ellimist is showing him is him is perhaps one of the most stark scenes in the entire series and i think we should all be drawing it more. it's nice they put an abused autistic kid who doesn't feel like a human person in animorphs so that various children reading could have their brains rewired. i like how he's got a very heavy internal life. he's always Pondering. the torture plotline is a bit weakly written i think, his strongest moments are when he's doing an identity crisis thing. his dynamic with rachel is really good and the end of his arc does feel fitting. i think with how aximili is always going on abt how tobias is his shorm aka soulmate it would've been good if we saw more of the convos they were having or they had a more clearly Besties bond going on. although i DO like that aximili almost never shouts, someone (jake?) explicitly notes that when ax Does yell it means you'd better fucking listen, and to my memory the only call-caps moment aximili has is yelling "TOBIAS!" when he thinks tobias is critically wounded. more of that shit please. i would've also liked more tobias books in general bc he has one of the strongest narrative voices out of the gang

aximili: I was so mad about his very last book in the series being a shit ghostwriting moment. So mad you do not even want to know. entire plot of, like, book 8 all over again, except this time he's casually considering endorsing genocide for some reason. anyway i think there's a lot of interesting things going on in his head but his arc doesn't really wrap up well & there are a few ghostwritten books where he feels poorly done w/o having a rachel-type Really Iconic book that makes up for it. he works better early and mid series. he's also just a fundamentally hilarious character concept which is great. i'm sad that people lied to me about him being autistic compared to other andalites (he's not) but i like when he has axtism moments anyway. i would like to see 100 drawings of axmini get cinnamon roll now please

#ask #animorphs lb

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scarlett-v-the-fox · 6 months

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WarioWare Move It! Japanese profile entires part 1

As of today, there are only a few profiles of the characters. These are Wario, Jimmy T, Mona, Ashley, Red, Dr. Crygor, Mike, and Penny. I am sharing what they say to you in English.

Disclaimer: My Japanese isn’t perfect, and I had to look up some of words used. But I’m confident 95% of this is correct!

President of the very great Wario Company

WARIO

CV: Hironori Kondo

(Translator’s notes: Wario uses the first person pronoun “ore” and uses the suffix “sama” after it.)

[Image of Wario in front a pile of gold] Today is also a great day! I'm cool, intelligent, and handsome!

WAHAHAHA! You had a good idea that you were interested in me! Take a close look at me from my head to my butt!

This is my profile!!

Favorite letter of the alphabet:

Most hated letter of the alphabet:

Charm point:

You’ll know it when you see it! Everything!

What made me happy recently:

I went to scrub myself today, and what a surprise! I lost 20 kilograms! That’s amazing!

What surprised me recently:

There was a type of canned food that I thought was delicious and became addicted to, but when I looked closer, it turned out to be for dogs! I got angry!

Things I am not good at:

Nothing! I am perfect!

Recommended movies:

There’s “The Wario Movie” starring me! ...Hmm? There’s no such movie? Hey Nintendo! Make it quickly!

Favorite proverb:

Be on the toilet bowl for three months.

Future aspirations:

Hey! That's enough! That's it for my profile!

Energetic high school girl

MONA

CV: Ruriko Aoki

(Translator’s notes: Mona uses the first person pronoun “atashi.” She also uses the “ojisama” suffix for Wario and Dr. Crygor.)

[Image of Mona in a city with her pets in the background] Isn’t Wario wonderful!? That nose and mustache!

Hi~! I’m Mona! I'm busy with my part-time job and club activities every day, but I'm going to run through it with high energy today too!

Profile:

My dream for the future:

To become an adventurer!

Person I admire:

I guess I’d say Wario after all! That big and wild nose… super awesome!

Transportation:

[Image of Mona’s bike. Below it reads “Mona Bike!”] Dr. Crygor made it for me!

Part time jobs I’ve done:

I've done a lot of things! I was a gelato shop clerk, a diner waitress, a pizza delivery girl, a rock band's vocalist and guitarist, a Chinese restaurant's poster girl, an amusement park staff member, a reporter, a cameraman, and even a spy... Oops, maybe I shouldn't have said this? [picture of strawberry gelato]

Family:

My papa is an artist and my mama is a supermodel! I'm an only child, but I wish I had an older sister.

My favorite animal:

Baby moth larvae with fluffy fur!

What I’ve been into lately:

I keep an observation record of the flowers I saw today! I like that they’re bumpy, hairy, and shiny!

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Mona thinks I'm cool, and I'm a guy with quite good taste! …however! As an adventurer, she’s not even close to my level! Even if she finds treasure, it's mine, of course! Because the president is amazing! Wahahaha!

Cool dancer

JIMMY T.

CV: Yuma Kametani

(Translator’s notes: Jimmy uses a lot of English words. He also uses the first person pronoun “boku.”)

[Image of Jimmy on a lit up dance floor] Oh YEAH~!! Let’s dance together until the morning, YO!

Everybody! I’m glad you came to visit my page, YO! Let's get feverish with COOL steps!

Profile:

How to spend the night:

Dancing until the morning at a nightclub, YO! [Image of Jimmy P]

Hobby:

Checking my emails! YEAH!

Special skill:

I might be second to none when it comes to high-speed flick input on smartphones.

A little boast:

For some reason, cats tend to like me, YO!

Relationship with Wario:

He’s my email friend! We are also childhood friends!

Favorite way to spend my weekends:

Watching the pigeons in the park, YO! And those kids there have some pretty good BEAT and VIBES, YO!

A secret I’ll only share here:

Actually, my afro, well… No, it’s nothing. Forget it.

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Jimmy is my e-mail friend and childhood friend! He teaches me how to make money with blogs like “Afro Eight” and is a very helpful guy! That's why I made him a special employee of the company, but I’ve never paid him a salary! Wahahaha!

Apprentice witch

ASHLEY

CV: Ayaka Fukuhara

(Translator’s notes: She speaks using third person in Japanese at times.)

[Image of Ashley with a mansion in the background] …I’m Ashley, the world’s witch.

…I’m Ashley… What do you want? …If I don’t have any use for you, can I use you as an ingredient?

Profile:

Hobby:

…Research on cursed magic.

Specialty:

…To make magic and potions.

What I think is cool:

…Monsters and carnivorous plants.

Things I don’t like:

Cute dresses… sweets… colorful things… I hate them.

Eating style:

…I eat what I like for last.

What I want most right now:

…Frie—… Nothing really.

How many times have you been called cute?:

Tsk…

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Ashley is always with her familiar, Red! She may be a bit perverse, but she's actually lonely!? Since she's an employee of the Wario Company, I'll take care of her! Looks like she can use magic to find treasure! Wahahaha!

Ashley’s partner

RED

CV: Mako Muto

(Translator’s notes: Red uses Kansai dialect, and uses the first person pronoun “ore.” He also talks like a kid.)

[Image of Red with Ashley in the background] Alright! Leave the transforming to me!

Yahoo! I am Red! I am Ashley’s partner, as well as her best friend! You came all the way to visit us, so take your time!

Profile:

Where I live:

In a haunted mansion on the edge of town! But I'm actually really scared of this place...

Special skill:

I can transform into something about the same size as me! Like a magic wand or broom! It’s amazing, isn’t it?!

Personality:

I am quite skittish…

What scared me recently:

When I saw my own reflection in the mirror, I freaked out… Eep…

What I think about Ashley:

Ah, it looks like she’s really shy. She remembered her parents from back home and looked into the distance.

Recent thing Ashley did:

She was practicing smiling in front of the mirror the other day! She was so scared! Ah, this is definitely a secret I should keep!

The scariest thing in this world:

Ashley when she’s angry…

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Even though Red is a monster, he's still taking care of Ashley! And I don't know where he learned to speak Kansai dialect! ...That means he might have some talent for business! Okay, me. Let's sell your game all over the world! Of course, we won't give him any rewards! Wahahaha!

Mad scientist

DR. CRYGOR

CV: Kensuke Matsui

(Translator’s notes: A gappori machine is a machine that gives loans in cash)

[Image of Dr. Crygor in a green lit laboratory] People call me a genius scientist... And I am actually a genius!

Here... it seems like you got lost on my page. This must also have something to do with me. Could you let me use your body as a test subject?

Profile:

Occupation:

I am a genius scientist that everyone recognizes.

Someone you hang out with often:

My granddaughter Penny, and my assistant Mike.

Hobby:

Dancing flamenco for inspiration.

My secret to youth:

Modifying my own body and wearing a life-prolonging suit. However, I forgot to extend the life of my scalp and ended up going bald.

Recent research:

I am devoting all my energy and research into promoting my hair regrowth.

Representative inventions:

Wario’s Bike, Wario’s Car, Mona’s Bike, Dribble’s Taxi, Kat and Ana's high-tech swords, 9-Volt's skateboard, Jimmy's cell phone, the Karaoke Robot Mike... You can see how genius I am.

About Wario:

I see him as an interesting research subject. I shall do some human experiments on him someday.

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Dr. Crygor is an old man, but he seems to be doing well! He is also the inventor of my Wario Car and my Wario Bike! But it's disgusting that he’s still bragging about that! ...Well, whatever. Someday, I'll have him make a gappori machine that will give me an infinite amount of money! Wahahaha!

Karaoke robot

MIKE

CV: Ryota Suzuki

(Translator’s notes: Robot characters use katakana in their visualized speech. They are also polite and use simple sentences.)

[Image of Mike in a room full of viles] I want to sing more and more!

I’m the karaoke robot Mike! What do you think, would you like to sing a song after?

My profile, lyrics and music by Mike:

Creator:

I was created by Dr Crygor.

Body structure:

I have microphones on my head and speakers on my body.

Hobbies:

I like cooking! My fruit punch is very good.

Special skill:

Karaoke, obviously. But for some reason, when I start singing, everyone covers their ears.

My dissatisfaction:

Why does the karaoke robot have to do all the cleaning?

A secret I’ll share only here:

I want to be independent.

Things I’ve been curious about lately:

Those meal serving robots for family restaurants...

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Mike is Dr. Crygor’s assistant! He seems to be good at cooking and doing the laundry, but he seems to have run away from home in disgust once! If he's going to be used badly, he'd be happier being used by me! Next time you run away from home, I’ll use you as my butt wiper! Wahahaha!

Future scientist

PENNY

CV: Maya Enokichi

(Translator’s notes: Penny uses the “chan” suffix for her grandpa. She also uses the term “scientist’s egg” which just means she’s a future scientist)

[Image of Penny in a park] My dream is to become the best singing idol scientist in the world!

Hello, nice to meet you! My name is Penny! My grandpa is a fantastic scientist!

Profile:

Occupation:

I’m a Diamond City junior high school student! I’m also a future scientist!

Someone I admire:

Dr. Crygor! He’s my grandpa!

Hobby:

I love singing in front of people! I wish I could be a singer...

My invention masterpiece:

"Sparkly Voice Ultimate" allows anyone to have a beautiful voice!

Things I’m not good at:

Actually, I'm not good at reading music sheets... just looking at the treble clef makes me dizzy...

About my hair accessory:

You can take the heart-shaped hair clip I'm wearing!

A secret I’ll share only here:

I've been checking all the information about idol auditions, but I'm scared. I haven't been able to apply yet...

Introduction from the president (Wario):

Penny is Dr Crygor’s granddaughter! She's a future scientist, but for some reason the minibike she sent to me ended up turning into a mini-mini myself while riding it! What on earth does that mean!? Well, she also has a geeky side. However, if she comes up with an invention that will make money, I will make a lot of money! Wahahaha!

#WarioWare #WarioWare move it #translation #wario #jimmy t #mona #ashley #ashley and red #ashley warioware #red #red warioware #dr crygor #mike #mike warioware #penny #penny warioware #penny crygor

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metallicaislife · 5 months

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Childhood Friends

A/N: omg this is the longest fic I've written so far. It flowed so smoothly out of my brain I'm gonna cry. 🥹💚

Genre: Fluff, suggestive themes and brief mentions of smut but not explicit

Word Count: 2,180

Warnings: Smoking

When I was young I had a neighbor. He was my best friend. From dawn until dusk we hung out. Whether we wandered the neighborhood on an adventure or at his house as he practiced the bass. He was the kind of person we didn’t need to have constant conversation with to be comfortable. I was absolutely heartbroken at age 14 when my family moved to be closer to my dad’s parents. We called each other every once in a while, but that soon stopped as we got busy with the lives we had going on around us. I’m now in my 20’s and I think about him every so often, I hope he’s doing well, and that all his dreams came true.

It was a typical night, I came home from work. Had a small dinner and curled up on the couch to watch my favorite sitcom. The phone started ringing so I got up to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Is this, Y/N?” A deep calm voice came over the receiver.

“Speaking. Who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Cliff.” He spoke. My eyes widened.

“Cliff? Like Cliff Burton?” I asked. He chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?” He asked. My heart was thrumming against my chest.

“I’m doing well. How are you? How did you get my number?”

“Glad to hear. I’m doing great. I took a chance and looked in a phone book.” He answered me. I laughed.

“I dunno why I never thought of that.” I said.

“I called because my band is going to be in your neck of the woods, I’d love it if you came to our show.”

“You’re in a band?” I asked excitedly. Cliff chuckled.

“Yeah, I am. We’re called Metallica. Do you know where the bar on Main Street and 9th is?” He asked.

“Sure do. When is the show?” I grinned, feeling giddy.

“Tomorrow night. Sorry it’s short notice.” He said.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you called. What time is it?”

“8. I’ll buy you a drink after.” He said.

“God, last time I saw you we were kids. Where’d the time go?” I leaned against my wall.

“It’s been far too long. I’m excited to see you.” He said, I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Me too.” I replied.

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”

“Thanks, see ya tomorrow Cliff.” I said and hung up.

I pinched myself. Yup that happened. I didn’t fall asleep watching ‘Cheers’ and dreamed of that conversation. I squealed in excitement.

The following day went by quickly, which I was super grateful for. When I knew Cliff he was playing Thin Lizzy on his bass. I’m curious to see what kind of music he plays. I found a comfortable but cute outfit and left to go to the bar.

I got a cocktail and waited around. Soon the band Metallica was announced. I spotted him straightaway. It was hard not to. I thought he was tall when we were young. He grew so much more. He was tall and lanky yet toned, his auburn hair long and unruly. His hazel eyes met mine and he grinned. The same smile that brightened my days all those years ago. I smiled back and gave a small wave.

I’d never heard anything like their music before. It was loud and fast. Absolutely electrifying. I was mesmerized by Cliff, his head banging and the passion emanated off him.

“Thanks everyone!” The lead singer and rhythm guitarist waved. Cliff caught my eye again and motioned for me to head backstage. I gave a nod and made my way back. He was leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets. He looked up and grinned. He pushed off the wall and walked toward me pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I hugged him back tightly, uncaring that he was sweaty from his performance. He pulled back and held my shoulders studying me. I grinned staring back up at him.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to my bandmates then we’ll get a drink and catch up.” He shifted, placing his arm around my shoulder as he took me back to the green room.

The drummer was sprawled on a couch fanning himself, the guitarist was drinking some water while sitting on a chair and the lead singer was packing up his equipment.

“Hey guys, I want to introduce you to my childhood friend.” Cliff said. They all looked in our direction and I gave a small wave.

“Y/N, this is Lars.” He pointed to the drummer, “Kirk,” then to the guitarist, “and James.” He motioned to the lead singer. “Guys this is Y/N, we used to be neighbors growing up.” He introduced.

“Nice to meet you guys.” I smiled at them.

“Nice to finally meet you, we’ve heard so much about you. Our guy Cliff here talks about you a lot.” James said. Cliff shot him a look and I stifled a small laugh as my cheeks heated up.

“Anyways, I already packed my things. We’re gonna go get a drink and catch up.” Cliff said steering me out of the dressing room before any of the others had a chance to say anything. I turned back to wave at them before we exited the room.

“So you talk about me, huh?” I asked, jabbing him in the ribs playfully.

“I mean, yeah. You’re really the only person I hung out with until I started playing in bands.” He confessed. I smiled but didn’t say anything further.

He got us a couple beers and we found a place to sit.

I was a little worried it would be awkward, we hadn’t seen each other or even talked in years. It was so comfortable though, telling Cliff what I’d been up to, and listening to his stories about how he’s gotten to where he’s at.

The night was coming to a close and there was a part of me that wondered if this was it. Would I only see him if he came to town for a show? The kind of friends that saw each other maybe once a year to catch up. I didn’t want that.

“I wanna see you again, soon.” Cliff said as we walked in the crisp night air.

“Me too.” I responded.

“You know I thought you moving away was the end of the world. You’re only 45 minutes away though.” He chuckled.

“As kids that might as well be across the country.” I laughed, he laughed too.

“Well now we aren’t kids.” He said.

“No we aren’t.” I replied, “So I'll see you soon then?” I asked. He nodded. “Good.” I smiled. He hugged me again and we parted ways.

True to his word, Cliff called the following night, and we made plans to see each other again. Over the course of a few months, we saw each other as much as we could and talked almost every night. Sometimes we didn’t even talk. He’d call and play the bass for me. I knew that I had missed him, but I hadn’t realized how much until he was in my life again.

“We’re having a party on Saturday, I want you to come.” Cliff said over the phone.

“Yeah, I can make that. What’s the address?” I asked. I wrote it down as he relayed it to me, and the time, but he said I could come over whenever.

I took a bus to El Cerrito. I was lucky enough to find the house pretty easily. The party was in full swing. Cliff was on the porch as I walked up. He saw me and his eyebrow furrowed.

“Where’s your car?” He asked and exhaled his cigarette smoke.

“In the shop, it’s been giving me trouble so I caught a bus here. I don’t mind, I'll take one home too.” I replied and stuck my hand out. He placed a cigarette in it, I placed it in my lips and he flicked his lighter so I could light it.

“Don’t be silly, I’ll take you home.” He said.

“No, it’s okay.” I said. I looked up and his face was stern.

“Yes, I will drive you home.” Cliff said with finality. I nodded.

“Thanks.” I replied. Lars came bounding out of the house.

“I know you like keeping Y/N all to yourself but it’s a party Burton!” Lars said and grabbed my wrist. I laughed as he dragged me into the house. Cliff rolled his eyes and followed after us.

The night was filled with laughter as we made memories I will carry with me until the end of my days.

The party wound down and people were falling asleep.

“Ready to go?” Cliff asked me as I leaned against the porch smoking a cigarette.

“Yup.” I smiled and put the cigarette out.

Neither of us got obliterated like the others so we were good for travel.

“Next time I’ll spend the night so we can party a little harder.” I said.

“You’re always welcome to.” Cliff grinned and opened the car door for me. I slid in and buckled up. Cliff got in and started the car.

“There are some tapes in the glovebox.” He said. I opened it up and looked through them. I smiled seeing the first Thin Lizzy album he shared with me, ‘Vagabonds of the Western World’. I put it in, his face lit up as the music played through the speakers.

The car ride was mostly silent, occasionally singing along to the music. I stared out the window, and I could feel what I’ve been wanting to say to him for a couple weeks bubbling beneath the surface.

“I love you.” I said aloud as I continued staring at the darkness outside.

“I love you, too.” Cliff replied.

“No, Cliff, I’m in love with you.” I said refusing to look in his direction. I don’t think my heart could handle it if I saw a look of disgust pass across his features. His hand came to rest on my thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. I finally tore my gaze from the darkness and looked over feeling completely vulnerable. He kept his gaze on the road, but he glanced over, the look on his face the opposite of what I had imagined.

“I’m in love with you, too.” He replied. I smiled and placed my hand on his, giving it a squeeze as I looked back out the window. A huge weight felt as if it had been lifted from my shoulders.

We arrived at my place not long after and he walked me to the door.

“Why don’t you spend the night, it’d be silly to drive all the way here just to head back.” I offered as I unlocked my door.

“I think you’re just trying to get into my pants.” He teased me as he moved my hair out the way so he could place a kiss on my neck.

“Maybe a little of both.” I teased back. I opened the door and he followed me in. He shut and locked my door. He turned around and placed his hands on my waist. We stared at one another. The only sound is our even breathing. Cliff tucked my hair behind my ear, he cupped my face and brought his lips down to meet mine. I’ve been kissed before, but never like this. It took my breath away.

We stumbled clumsily through my apartment giggling and losing clothes along the way. We laid in bed and worshiped each other for hours. Learning each other's bodies inside and out.

We laid in each other's arms, sweaty and worn. I traced soft shapes on his chest as he tickled my back.

“How are you feeling?” Cliff asked softly.

“Content.” I replied and kissed his chest. Cliff chuckled.

“Thank you for telling me how you feel.” He said.

“If I held it in any longer I think I would’ve combust.” I replied and placed my chin on his chest so I could look at him. His hazel eyes in the dim light held so much love and adoration. I hoped as he looked back he could see that same look mirrored in my eyes. “Thanks for reaching out and inviting me to your show. If you hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t be here.” I said.

“It was a long shot, but I really missed you. I loved you back then, ya know. But I never could have imagined how much further I could have fallen for you.” He said. My heart skipped a beat and buried my head in his chest. He chuckled and kissed my head.

I wish I had a Time Machine so I could go back and tell the heartbroken girl that had to move away from her best friend that it wouldn’t be that way forever. She was able to grow up and fall deeply in love with the quiet boy next door who played his bass so passionately.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to request or chat :)

-Isa

#metallica #metallica x reader #metallica imagines #metallica scenarios #metallica fluff #cliff burton #cliff burton x reader #cliff burton fluff

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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that spoken word i wrote back in gr 9 for english class about relating to the moon is still to relevant in the present n i love it so much

#🌙.rambles #i'm still proud of being able to write smth like that back then #i was relating us all to the moon w our imperfections n beauty but #i loved how around the end i wrote like. 'we don't have to be as beautiful as the moon' bcs 'we're only human after all'#i really love the thought in that. being the kind of people that we humans r capable of being bcs we're mortals #'the world is vast and the night is still young.'#honestly wnvr i think about how fast time's going by. when i look deep into my heart n soul i still see a young dreamer #no matter how old i get i aspire to always keep those dreams n words alive.#if i keep the curiosity of the kid with me then i think i'll be able to really learn n understand life in the way that best defines me #i love the poetry in this spoken word tho of #relating ourselves to these celestial beings. but in the end it's incomparable yet bcs we're human. n that's enough. that's alright #one day i hope to be well enough to write again. i do write from time to time but i'm a bit tired to really complete stuff #that's alright. i can be kind to myself. it's enough to go at our own pace #it hits different reading old stuff from before bcs i wld rlly just dream #but as i'm growing older n older i see how it reflects more n more on my reality #'before I know it / it’s already dawn.' i wrote that metaphorically back then but now i literally even stay awake till dawn ;;#even in pain i always write about how beautiful the world is. n that makes me realize that i'm still a kind n good person at heart #i do need to work on accepting my faults n a healthier n kinder manner but. yeah. i love people like me after all.#there's a reason why i love the moon so much as well. it's just rlly so poetic n beautiful to me #around the world there's ppl i've met n known that have associated me (a stranger from somewhere out there in the world) w the moon #i'm thinking abt life again n how beautiful it is. of all its possibilities n of all the connections n meaning we make #n us all as well. i know for me i really am a dreamer at heart. i'll always keep that. even if i'm weird or wtvr then who cares?#i'll be myself. /i/ am the one in control of my life n i'll decide how i choose to see my world. and live the way i want #sure it's lonely bcs most ppl out there aren't like us in this particular way but. we'll find that comfort. we deserve that.#who are we to be confined and restrained in this wide vast world?#how tragic it is to wish to hide. we don't have to be so open but we're all deserving of being known and understood #aaaa i'm probably still gna be a bit distant bcs i'm tired still but that's alright! it's ok to focus on myself!#i'll do the rest when i'm ready. for now this is the next step i choose to take. small steps at a time. that's enough for now.#oh yeah this is the certain peace in myself i feel that makes me perform my best. i feel like myself again right now #n honestly all this keeps on cycling n repeating but it's alright. i learn more each time. n i'll keep on forging ahead unto tomorrow

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for refusing to babysit?

I(17 ftm) frequently babysit my siblings, D(4m) and J(7m). J doesn't need to be babysat as much as supervised, but he's very needy / always wants to be doing something together, so I usually spend as much active time babysitting him as much as I do D(for example, J refuses to read on his own and prefers it when I read to him).

We're currently in the middle of moving, and my mom(44 W) often will drop me and the kids off at the library or the park or something for hours so that she can pack. I don't super mind this, but it's exhasting. They fight like cats. And I love them, but I'm also going into my senior year in a couple days, so I've been a little irratable too from the stress of packing and school and whatnot. This is all to say I've been babysitting a LOT recently.

My mom wanted me to babysit tonight for about two hours so she could take J to his open house and meet his teachers for the upcoming school year. I was 100% okay with this, and came downstairs when it was about time for them to leave. D gets a lot of seperation anxiety though, so when I heard my mom and him in the kitchen near the back door I knew she was probably trying to leave, so I got up came in to try and help. I tried to distract him by getting him to play with me at the table, but he wouldn't listen. As things progressed I also tried to comfort him and say we should go watch a show on the couch, but that also didn't work. At this point J is in the car and mom is standing in the doorway.

Mom then leaves to walk to the car, but doesn't shut the door, which makes D try and follow her out. He's crying and yelling at this point about how he "wants to leave". I was trying to very gently pull him back and say we could watch them go and wave as they pulled out, but I didn't want him leaving the doorway, since it would be 100% harder to get him back inside once he actually left the house.

A huge ass butterfly flew by while we were doing this. I tried to distract him and say "look at the butterfly!!" but it didn't work and he kept yelling he "wants to leave". MOM them mishears and starts yelling at me to let him go, so I do, but then he's outside and I'm frustrated. She tells me he was ACTUALLY saying he "wants to SEE", i.e. the butterfly, and now it's gone and he's more upset because I wouldn't let him see. When asked, he cried and said he WAS saying he wanted to see. But I KNOW he was saying leave at first, and tbh Mom was kind of asking him leading questions when asking if he was saying wants to see about the butterfly, so I tried to explain that he was at least not saying see at first.

She keeps pushing it though until I'm done and I say "Whatever, are you going to leave or not?", because at this point there's only 20 minutes left to get there. I genuinely didn't think this was a huge conflict at this point? Like yeah we were arguing but I didn't think we were being personal, idk. It was pretty dumb and we were both stressed. I thought it was gonna be one of those things where we're both friends again by the time she gets back and we've cooled down.

But then she told me to go fuck myself. And that was too much for me, because I feel like cursing at someone is just really disrespectful, and something I try not to do at all in arguments, especially with people I love. I'm not against cursing during arguments, but cursing at me like that felt really mean.

I was properly angry at that point and told her to just go so I could babysit. She told me to get a job(???? she's refused to get me a workers permit for years now), and I finally snapped and said she should just take D with her, then shut the door.

I did NOT lock the door. I didn't even fully close the door. I just left the kitchen and sat on the couch instead, staying downstairs in case she came back in and told me again to babysit(which I still would have, for J's sake). For context, D WAS allowed to go to the open house with mom and J, she just didn't want to have to take him too.

My mom is now giving me the silent treatment. They apparently weren't even able to go to the open house because mom's car wouldn't start, and now J is very sad and anxious about the first day of school. Mom's also been snipping about how if I hadn't refused to babysit and wasted so much time arguing with her, she might have been able to get a different ride.

Idk. I know he argument was dumb, but I feel like she crossed a line with cursing at me like that. But I could also see how me refusing to babysit from then might have been too far. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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fishsticksloser · 1 year

Note

Rottmnt headcannon request: The boys reacting to a y/n who's had a good reputation their whole life, straight a's, all their teachers love them but in reality y/n is a little gremlin that's been waiting for the day the wrong person screws with them. And that day finally comes! Y/n goes to the boys ecstatic that they were in a fight (and with someone they didn't like no less), the turtles are tending to their already patched up wounds and bruises.

I'm projecting a bit as I was this kid in high school but alas I was never in a fight ;-;

Remember you don't have to do it if you don't want to <3

Gremlin!Reader

RotTMNT x gn!reader

Warnings: aged up, fluff, swearing, injuries, slight angst

A/N: you sound like a fucking joy... /pos I wish I hadn't been so anxious and shy in school. Reader is in college. Everyone headcannons that Leo is the medic, but I still believe it's Donnie... Yeah, bad bedside manners, but that's what the others are for

Donnie

"Don, you'll never believe this!"

Donatello spins around hearing you come in

Not expecting you to have bandaids and gauze taping you up

"What happened!?"

He drags you to med bay

You tell him about the fight you were in

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

You had already been patched up, but Donnie insisted that it wasn't done right,

Dabbing at the cut on your lip

"It was so cool!"

"You could've been seriously injured... I thought you were an A+ student."

"This doesn't change that."

"I never expected you to get in a fight..."

He finishes rebandaging you

"Don't do that shit again... Seriously, you could've gotten suspended, expelled, or worse..."

Leo

You come in, making your way to Leo's room

You plop onto the bed next to him, he's reading a comic

"Good day at school?"

He hadn't looked at you yet.

"Yeah, got an A on my last test and got into a fight... I won."

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?"

He tosses the comic and looks at you

He gently touches your bandages

"You got in a fight!? Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. I won, didn't you hear that?"

"Why? You could've gotten really hurt."

"Relax, look. I'm perfectly fine."

You laugh, showing him that all your limbs worked

"This isn't funny. Seriously... God..."

Leo studies your bandages

"You're gonna start training... No excuses."

Mikey

"Hey!"

Mikey runs up to you as you walk around the lair, trying to find him

"W-What happened to you!?"

"I got in a fight, it was awesome!"

Mikey drags you to the med bay, calling for Donnie

You tell them what happened

Donnie patches you up, mumbling that you were crazy

Donnie leave and Mikey begins fussing

"Are you sure you're okay? Why didn't you call for us? You could've been really hurt..."

"But I'm okay!"

Mikey holds you, begging you to just keep focusing on your studies instead of fighting

Raph

"Raph! Raph!"

"Hey, ho—"

He freezes, seeing you all bandaged up

"What happened!?"

He drags you to med bay with Donnie, not letting you answer

"I got in a fight! I won, no contest!"

"Nothing's broken... I'll let you finish up."

Donnie leaves, Raph finishes bandaging you up.

"I can't believe you did this... Are you sure you're not in any pain? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Donnie said nothing broken."

"But it could've been! I thought you were focusing on school, not running around looking for a fight. Who was it? Where?"

"Of course not... They got what they deserved. I can take care of myself."

191 notes · View notes

artdivadej · 1 year

Text

Survivor’s Remorse (VI)

Part Six

NSFW | 18+ | PTSD | Self harm | Torture

Part 7 | Part 8

"Shit"

"Yeah. I'm really sorry about that by the way. About you. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine. I know it wasn't personal" he waves his hand dismissively before clearing his throat. "I asked Annie about what it was like, once. She told me that after her first day she really didn't know. She could hear you talking sometimes but mainly just, screaming. Told me that after they dragged her past you the first day, you didn't stop screaming for a week. Annie said that they never came back for her after that day though"

"That..." I hesitate but don't want to lie to him "It's true"

"Shit"

"Yeah"

"Have you ever really talked about it?"

"No"

"Do you want to?"

"No. I don't want to think" I admit shaking my dizzy head as I sucked on the sugar cube

Finnick pulls a string from his pocket and drops it into my hands, showing me some complicated loops.

"I could teach you some knots? We'd have to take these off though"

He taps at my nail guards and I swallow the rest of the sugar in my mouth before pulling them securely to my chest with a shake of the head.

"I don't want to hurt you" I breathe

"You won't" He chuckles while deftly unlocking them

"How do you-?"

"Who do you think helps Beetee design your mouthguards and cuffs while Cinna's in recovery?"

My eyes widen and I grin at him. I should've known. The few memories I have, Finnick'd always treated me like a little sister in. He made me remember that we all grew up too soon. I had real fun with Finnick. I remember being on the sand, scaring Peeta awake, dancing around a bonfire and learning songs of the sea. I squeeze my eyes shut in pain as jolts of electricity rattle my spine. I clench my teeth and focus on one spot in front of me, unfortunately everyone seems to be focused on Finnick and me, also curious about my Torture Tales. Or maybe the fact that I'm gripping his hand tightly in my sharp nailed one. It doesn't seem like I'm hurting him though, and I need a firm grip on reality right now.

"The Quarter Quell. We...you and I...we" I choke trying to fight through the immeasurable pain it brings me to speak about the Quell, let alone think about it.

This overpowering fear made me convulse as if I was being shocked with cattle prods again. They stayed with me until he released my hand, his arm wrapping around my shoulders to keep me together. Finnick gives me a reassuring squeeze and it helps lessen the shaking some more.

"That's it. What did we do?" he coaxes gently

I don't like how Peeta's eyes bore into my face, his body screaming he wants me to answer too. Why? If I actually had done something with Finnick, why should he care? He loved Katniss. Right?

The sand is burning, I can see hands reaching out the water towards me, blood dripping from the eyes at the center of their palms. Even the moonlight hurts my eyes.

"It's scary here Finn" I sigh tiredly

"I'm not leaving ya. Just like I didn't than"

I take another shaky breath before pushing on, absorbing his strength at my side to keep going.

"We had...fun. I felt like a kid again with you. We played a joke on Peeta. It...it made me feel so good to see him laugh. Really laugh. Why?" I hiss angrily feeling the venom bubble in my mouth unbidden from aggression I didn't understand.

Ugh not now.

I'm not a monster! I spit the purple venom onto the ground at my feet and bite down on my arm hard. Well, that's new. This is the first time it's been purple. Just what else did they do to my canine ducts? My back goes rigid, pain licking every cell of my body, head thrown back as I choke on a scream of terror. I faintly hear commands being shouted before my vision goes black.

I start myself awake for a few seconds again sometime later. I can tell I've screamed something but then I feel a prick in my neck and I'm pulled under again.

This time when I awake, I'm sitting propped up but snug and strangely comfortable. A big arm is wrapped around my shoulders to keep me warm while nestled into their side. There's blonde hair in the corner of my eye, my heart leaps as I whisper his name out of an impulse that felt unnaturally...habitual.

"I'm here" Peeta's voice whispers across the dim lamplight and I'm startled by the emotions that erupt at the hauntingly familiar phrase.

I look around to gauge the time. The stars are out. I've been out for a while. Only he and Johnson are awake.

Ah, watching the rabid highjacked psycho.

If it's not Peeta beside me, then who? Quirking my head just a bit I see that Finnick is who's holding me together tonight, sleeping peacefully with his other arm across his stomach, trident strapped to his back. No one else would dare get so close to me. Let alone to just leave their guard down like that and sleep so deeply within range of me or my teeth.

"Nothing I-" I stop not sure what I want to say

"Hungry?" Peeta offers

My mouth waters and my stomach answers. He sends me a wry smile before grabbing a bowl sitting beside him and sliding closer to offer it to me. He's too close. I can smell him at this distance. He was only 6 feet away from me and his fingers graze my palm as he makes sure the bowl is securely in my shackled hands before letting it go.

It warms me more than the bowl does. I don't know how to feel about that. Inside the bowl is a couple slices of ham and a few buttery potato squares. I still couldn't stand vegetables and being so close to the Training Quarters, I could feel the tears building again.

Why the fuck was everything making me so emotional? I needed Peeta away from me. This was his fault. I just know it is.

"You ok?"

His benevolence towards me is disarming and it unnerves me. It made everything that much more confusing.

"Why are you being so fucking nice to me?" I grumble wanting to understand him because maybe, it just might help me understand a bit about myself. I was willing to die for him. Why? "I tried to rip your fuckin throat out! Why?"

Peeta lets out a sigh and just eyes me sadly before rubbing his thighs. I recognize this nervous habit and it sparks something else within me. I answer before he can.

"We protect each other"

"Always" he nods with a small side smirk

I don't like the hope I see bloom on his face or how my heart leaps at the word. It frightens me.

"I don't even know what to believe anymore. Friend? Mutt? Ally? Love. Hate! Real. Not real. How am I supposed to discern the bullshit from the facts!" I roar angrily, wanting to lash out at something.

"Ask" Finnick grumbles as he shifts to sit up

"Who?" I hiss grateful he's awake in case I need knocking out again

"Us" Johnson pipes up

"For what? All of you want me dead anyway. What are you to me! My next set of torturers just waiting to lead me to your next game, like your friend who loved kicking me around in that van? If you want me dead so badly, I wish someone would just get on with it! I'm so tired of everyone's mind games"

"Your allies. We're your squad now" Gale pipes in

Great. They'd all been awake. Must be hard to sleep with a wild fox in your den.

"So?" I grumble

"That makes us family. You saved a lot of lives when you warned us about the attack. We don't just forget that kind of thing in 13" Boggs explains sitting in the seat Peeta had vacated to hold my eyes seriously.

His face reflected true disgust when I screamed about Keil kicking me around. I had a feeling Boggs wasn't going to let that one just go either. I'm watching them warily when my stomach grumbles again. Finnick leans forward to release my nails so I can eat the way I like to, but I shake my head at him.

"I don't want to hurt anyone like I tried to earlier"

"That's not what you did" Finnick chuckles ignoring me and releasing my nails

I greedily take a slice of ham and slurp it up, ignoring the fact I'm aware it looks as if I have no table manners.

"What do you mean?"

"You tend to lash out at yourself. Rarely at others unless its verbal"

I mull this over as I take a swallow of my water. My eyes land on Peeta again to see that he's still looking at me with that gentle stare of his, almost like he's enjoying watching me eat. He's calm. Tranquil.

It clicks.

I hold my restraints up so he can see the orange in the center where my sedative comes out.

"Orange. Orange is your favorite color. Soft...like a sunset. Real or not real?"

"Real. Yours is cobalt, like the collar and cuffs you're wearing"

I glance down at them and feel another appreciation for my friends. As few as I have. Leaning to my left I kiss Finnick on the cheek, now understanding the depths of his hand in this as well. Peeta stiffens but doesn't comment. Maybe this was a hint from Beetee without being pushy?

"Don't put ya greasy bacon lips on me" Finnick whines pulling a laugh from me

I lock eyes with Peeta again. I said it to Joanna but I needed to know which Peeta was real.

"Hot chocolate. You drank it before bed on the train. Real or not real?"

"Real"

I slam my eyes shut as the train memories start to tussle with each other. I don't want to ask this with so many ears on me but I know they won't stop hurting until I do. I look at Peeta imploringly.

"If we take some guards, would you feel comfortable walking with me? Just...for a little bit" I swallow

He tilts his head silently inquiring and I feel the need to explain.

"I have...questions but I'm not sure if..." I sigh scratching at my shoulder acutely aware of the audience.

Whether it happened or not I doubt he'd want everyone to know the lewd details that I'd viciously tried to air out before. I didn't want to do that again. He looks to Boggs for permission who nods his assent. Even though he was the one that'd knocked me unconscious when I'd first seen Peeta and attempted to rip out his trachea with my teeth, I liked him.

"Take 2 with you"

Peeta moves to stand but I flinch back against Finnick when he leans my way, my nails digging into the sleeping bag. I can't help the fear I feel here in the dark, surrounded, with his hands ready to lock around my throat if he wanted. I can't help the way my eyes rapidly scan every pair of eyes on me to map out their locations. Would anyone even try to stop him?

I peek up at Finnick to see he's watching me with a wistful cerulean gaze. On the one hand, I'd like to think Finnick meant what he said. On the other, I don't want him in any unnecessary danger as a newlywed. It's bad enough he has to be out here in the first place. No. If they do turn on me, I want Finnick to stay the fuck out of it.

"Finn" I whisper "Can you put my mouthguard on for me?"

"Do you really need it?"

"I don't want it but... I think so. My questions are...triggering. When they tortured me about the train and the Quell, they.... they spent a week straight breaking every bone in my hands. It was one of the ways to make me terrified to think about them. They'd reset them a few hours after they were finished and do it again, playing the footage or what they altered in it. It felt like it was never ending. Part of my punishment for making them feel stupid. Again. We'd tricked them into believing Cinna knew nothing about the rebellion. Joanna and I were pretty convincing. We both do condescending pretty fuckin well. She caught some waterboarding for her troubles too. We took comfort in each other's screams. It meant we were still together. We still had each other. It was the silence that was terrifying. Wondering what they had planned next you know? I don't care that I still have issues with my hands now. They left him alone after that. He can still make pretty things"

I'm smiling like a lunatic and I'm rambling because I've never spoken these dark memories aloud. They're coming out quicker than I can stop them. I'm actually really proud of this. This was a true triumph for me from my time there. To have my hands ravaged so Cinna's would never have to be. Definite win in my book.

"His hands are like yours Peeta. Powerful but so delicate. Treasures. You appreciate and marvel at the gems they create. You don't hurt that. I don't want to hurt him" I admit to them with every breath as unsteady as my body was.

I don't want to see the pity that I can feel on everyone's faces as they all shift a little closer to me. I don't want it. Finnick pats the top of my head before he dips his in my tent to grab the guard. I lay back on the sleeping bag, hands palm side down, waiting for the hands on my shoulders. I'm baffled when they don't come.

"Whatcha dooooin?" Finnick sings poking my nose as he leans over me

I shake my head and sit up surveying them just as perplexed at their actions, or lack thereof, as they were at mine.

"They...everyone always straps me down when they put em on. There's.... a bar for between my teeth so I can't hurt them...I'm just used to-"

"Being treated like less of a person?" Katniss snaps

"Not like I've ever had a choice princess!" I snap back feeling stupid

"Well, you do now! Just tilt your head back!" she huffs irritably

"We don't want to put these, things, on you. Believe that. We only are because you asked" Leegs shakes her head as she explains

I nod than tip my head back obediently and pop my mouth open, extending my tongue to give him full access. Finnick easily slips it around my top row and clicks it securely in place. I widen my jaw a little until they fit comfortably on the inside of my cheeks, giving Finnick a thumbs up once they are. Peeta leans forward with his hands on his knees now, eyeing me with anticipation.

"Ready?"

"Ready" I lisp around the guard

My eyes narrow when I realize he's covered his mouth with his hand and is trying to stop from laughing at my newly acquired lisp. I always get it with the mouth guard. It's just much more comfortable in Beetee's than the too small ones Snow had me in. Finnick gingerly pulls me to my feet and rehooks my nail guards into place. Gale comes with us without a word. Good. This could just be seen as guy talk.

I wait until we've gotten a little way away from the camp before I start to talk. Gale and Finnick keep an 8-foot distance behind us as Peeta walks beside me. He doesn't seem concerned about me attacking him as his hand brushes mine every so often, quite warm against my cool skin. I'm beginning to think he's doing this on purpose when I realize he had in fact moved closer the more we walked.

"I... I wanted to know"

"About the train" he finishes thankfully cutting to the chase

"I slept with you?" I nod trying not to feel like an idiot "A lot"

"If you mean literally sleep, then yes. After the first games...you never really could without me"

"I wonder if I ever could" I mumble feeling bitter about my insomnia

"I hear you don't so well these days"

"I wouldn't know. It's hard to keep track. They drug me a lot to undilute my memories. It's hard to tell when I'm awake and when I'm not. So... I never had sex with you?"

"No" he coughs "Do you remember differently?"

"Yes...I mean. I think so"

"Tell me about it"

I glance behind us and see that while watchful, Finnick and Gale are otherwise interested in their own conversation. Finnick shoots me an encouraging smile before shooing me to look forward with a wave of his trident. I look back at Peeta and move over to the trees, leaning against one, arms crossed over my chest to tuck my trembling hands away.

"It's too shiny when I try to see your eyes...but" I swallow shakily running my hand through my hair again

"But?"

"It starts off fine but then when you're kissing me..."

I choke again and have to clench my teeth to fight the headache I feel trying to form.

"It doesn't feel like the 'you' I think I remember. This one is... Rough. Mean. Smacks me when I ask you to be gentle" I sigh

"Not real" he asserts with an appalled shake of the head.

"It's fuzzy when you're nice. I like that one better. You don't compare me to her in that one"

He doesn't have to ask to know who I'm talking about and I'm happy that he doesn't.

"Tell me about it"

"You...you're sweet. Gentle. Make me feel safe. I don't ever feel that way anymore" I shake my head trying to get this to make sense "You call me sweet names in this one. Always ask before touching me. You...like my scar. Mean Peeta hurts me with it. You make me feel good when you touch it"

Now I'm blushing and my hands are shaking.

I shouldn't like this. I'm not supposed to.

"Real"

My eyes meet his and I realize he's come much closer. I'm shaking but I don't know why. Fear? Longing? Trepidation. Uncertainty. What exactly do I feel for this boy that I'd been so convinced was trying everything he could to kill me? Especially when he looked at me the way he did now, as if I held all his heart in my hands. I look over his shoulder for Gale and Finnick. They've moved closer too and I'm grateful.

"I... asked to touch you. You told me I could" I breathe not realizing my pupils have contracted to slits reflecting the heat I felt sweep through me.

"Real" he husks

Why does he keep moving closer? They've broken me to kill him. He should hate me as much as they'd programmed me to despise him. But I don't shove him back either. I watch him warily as he steps into my bubble.

Maybe we both have a death wish?

***

Peeta had no intentions on pushing you tonight. He just wanted to see why you remembered the train the way you did. It was seeing the way you spoke about that night on the train that spurred him into movement. It was practically impossible for you to hide your emotions after Snow had your eyes altered. Not to mention Peeta had already practically been an expert in reading your body language having learned during your first games together.

You were scared but not for the reasons you claimed.

That was the only time you'd touched one another that intimately. Even then, you'd focused on his pleasure, even as you came and soaked his fingers. You wanted to watch him, your mouth greedily sucking at his bottom lip.

For some reason you hadn't told him, you were hesitant to let him all the way in, but Peeta was patient. To see you come unraveled first at his touch had made him explode in your warm hands too.

Your lips part and your eyes dart over his shoulder again, but he doesn't want your eyes on Gale and most especially not Finnick. Not when he can see the desire sparkling in them. Not when he had to watch you snuggle against Finnick while it was his name you whispered in your sleep. Or when it was Finnick who wiped the tears from your cheeks while you whimpered from nightmares and not him. Or when you'd happily kissed Finnick.

No. Peeta needed you to look at him.

Stepping closer so that he hovered just above you, Peeta placed his hands by either side of your waist, flat on the tree trunk, so he was almost touching you. Peeta likes that your back bows naturally, reacting on memories it wasn't aware of, while your breath quickens craving for him to touch you.

"What else?"

"I did. You let me", you swallow and bite your lip

Peeta doesn't say it but he sees your eyes drop to his fly before quickly darting back up to his. He wants you to remember that night the right way. He would never hurt you, especially not when you were trusting him at your most vulnerable. For them to warp your memories to believe he had...he wanted them obliterated. Peeta would rewrite every stolen kiss and touch they'd robbed of you.

"Real" Peeta hummed dipping his neck so his lips hovered just above yours

"I asked you to touch me too. Together we...You kissed me as I came" you begin to whisper wincing as if you'd been pricked by something

"Very real"

Peeta knew these were dangerous waters he was treading but he'd been holding back for so long. He raised his hands slowly, making sure that you could see every move he made. It was clear that the things about him you loved the most were what they focused on scaring you away from. It was abundantly clear from day one that his hands were on that list. You always watched them as if they would enclose around your throat. Even now you did yet you still wouldn't move away seemingly searching for answers of your own. Peeta's hands cup your cheeks and he can't help the way his heart sings when you nuzzle into them the way you used to.

"You've been rough with me. A few times. Mean Peeta is so rough with me"

"Not real. I would never. Not unless you asked me to" Peeta shakes his head tilting yours up so he can look into your icy gray eyes

"I can't separate them. I'm trying but I can't" you gasp shakily with tears in your eyes

"Let me show you, please love?" Peeta pleads lowly as his wet lips hover just above yours

"I don't want to hurt you" you whisper as a tear of honest fear rolls over your cheek, terrified of doing so even with the mouth guard and cuffs

Peeta wipes it away gently with another shake of the head.

"You won't" he smiles before his lips cover yours

Your cuffed fingers clutch the front of his shirt as you arch your neck, pushing your body closer to his. It had been too long since he'd felt your lips. Peeta slips his tongue between your plump lips, reveling in the soft moan that shakes your frame as he explores your mouth, sucking on your lips and tongue. He knows how weak it makes you when he suckles your hypersensitive tongue. His left-hand stays cupped on your cheek as his right rests on your hip, thumb caressing the tip of the scar across your belly in small pressured circles. Other than Cinna only he was ever allowed to touch it. When you pull back with an excited gasp, Peeta sees the flash of recognition in your eyes.

Yes.

Peeta doesn't wait before he captures your lips again, pulling your hip against his and sliding the fingers of his right up to thread through your hair. Your body curls into his just the way you used to, molding with him like the perfect piece to his puzzle that you are. Peeta nibbles your bottom lip before pulling your tongue between his lips again, loving how you whimper so softly in his mouth. When he finally pulls back, he rests his forehead against yours.

"Which feels real?" He exhales against your lips

"Gentle Peeta" you sigh "I-I wanted to but...I can't..."

Your pupils dilate widely and before Peeta can register what's happening, you shove him so hard away from you that he stumbles backwards into another tree.

"You're a liar" you hiss

Peeta sees it's not at him. Your eyes are fixed on a point somewhere deep in the woods and they're petrified.

"It's not him. I'm the mutt. I'm the monster. It's me!" You start to screech while pulling at your hair

Peeta starts forward but you snap your jaws in his direction in alarm, your eyes not really seeing anything around you, as you attempt to keep him away from you. Gale snatches Peeta backwards, keeping him at a safe distance.

"It might do more harm than good if it's you" he whispers in Peeta's ear to stop his struggling

"No, you lied! It's not him! It's me! I won't! I won't hurt him for you!" You wail as tears of resignation fall down your face. You move so rapidly as you suddenly pull the strap of your restraints against your throat, lock the strap around your throat then pull backwards in a clear attempt to strangle yourself against the tree behind you. You glare defiantly before choking out your final words "I'm done being in your games"

Finnick is on you in seconds. He's tackled you to the ground as you continue to scream at someone who isn't here. Peeta's eyes are wide with concern and he's trying not to shake in his distress. Within moments you're knocked unconscious by Finnick, who's activated the sedative in your collar. After bundling your slumped form up in his arms, his trident now across his back, he tucks your face away into his neck.

"Hmm" he chuckles under his breath walking over to Peeta and Gale "That went well"

"Who do you think she was talking to?"

"Snow" Peeta's answer is immediate and clipped "And that was a fucking disaster. I just made it worse"

"I don't know Peeta. I think that was a clearer answer than I ever got out of a girl", Gale shrugs as they make their way back to the camp "And I've had girls flat out tell me they liked me"

"What do you mean?"

Gale sighs with exaggeration but Peeta can tell he's not genuinely annoyed at him. Finnick has mercy and explains better, having the most experience in these matters.

"We learned about one thing that happened during her capture today. Can you imagine going through just that? Despite everything they made her forget, altered or put her through, that fear is there. The bloodlust just, isn't. You can't force the mind to just do what you want it to, no matter how much trackerjacker venom you've got. She literally tried to kill herself when the programming attempted to take over. She could have easily choked you instead. Bit your tongue out of your mouth. Anything. But she turned her own restraints back onto herself to protect you. If that doesn't scream that someone loves you more than their own life, I don't know what does", Finnick explained transferring you out of his hood so your face was no longer hidden in his neck. He shifted your weight for Peeta to see your tear-stained cheeks and bruised throat "Every day for weeks. Brainwashed. Tortured, with one thought left in her mind. To kill you. And she just can't bring herself to do it. That kind of love is a lot of things, but it isn't weak"

The group made it back to the camp after this, the squads eyes falling on your slumped form in Finnick's arms.

"What happened?" Boggs sighs

He came over and inspected Peeta's face and neck, his hand on his chin, tilting his face this way and that. He released him when he saw there were no marks.

"Peeta kissed her" Finnick snickers

"So... she fainted?" Leegs chuckles

"No" Peeta snaps wanting nothing more than to take you from Finnick's arms and tuck you out of sight.

"She kissed him back and everything was fine. We blink for five seconds and she's trying to kill herself" Gale sighs running a hand through his black wavy hair

"Damn Peeta, I didn't know you were that bad" Messalla teases

"She was fine! Then I don't know...something snapped. She started to hear Snow. She was yelling at him"

Peeta shoots Finnick an annoyed look before Finnick realizes he's still got you in his arms. It's making it hard for him to focus. With a teasing smile, Finnick slips to his knees and slides you inside the tent before reemerging and joining everyone by the fire.

"What did she say?" Johnson asks seriously

"She was a mutt. She was done playing in his games. Then she turned her restraints on herself" Peeta sighs rubbing his eyes tiredly

"That all?"

"No. He's being painfully obtuse with you on purpose" Gale rolls his eyes "They kissed. They talked about what happened on the train some more and she lost it after. Like some mirror piece had fallen into place and she couldn't stand her reflection or something. She was ready to die so she'd never hurt him. It was in her eyes"

"Keep a closer watch on her. She'll try it again" Cressida sighs

"To kiss Peeta?" Messalla snickered

Peeta really hoped so.

"To kill herself. If that's the decision she's made, it's likely that she'll try again to keep Peeta safe. If she's warring with the fact that she has feelings for him and that she's supposed to kill him out of an unshakable fear, then she will try it again. She's chosen death over being the cause of Peeta's" Finnick explains with a sad shake of the head

"None of us will let that happen" Boggs nods and everyone in the group nods their assertion

***

"Did you?" Haymitch asks lowly, his eyes as hard and sad as mine

I don't answer because I don't want to upset him.

"Yes" Peeta's voice is low and dark as he answers for me

"When?"

"When we were coming from underground. There was a tunnel full of mutts. They almost had Finnick and Katniss. She was almost out but she hurled herself back and went wild on them when one of them bit Finnick and pulled him back down. Managed to practically toss Finnick and Katniss up the ladder, even with her hands bound. She was climbing back up, almost out herself and then...I don't know"

His arms tighten and I can feel the shudder that goes through him. I know that day had terrified him. To see me just let go, to think he'd have to live without me. I'd never make it up to him but I was hellbent on trying.

"I was ready to die. I had saved everyone I needed to. What worth was my life anymore?" I sigh guiltily

"Tell me about it" Haymitch leans forward, handing Peeta some of the clear liquor that I gratefully take from his warm hands as he slides it into mine.

"We'd lost Boggs and few others but we were so close"

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