#and my logical brain will be like: we feel out of control. this is bad. somethings wrong

[homunculus-argument]

Okay I get that the toxic positivity way I was raised is bad and venting about things is good and healthy but there's a grim sort of hilarity in the complete miscommunciation between how my boyfriend and his family process complaining and how I was raised to do it. Because I was raised with the attitude that if you've got a problem, you either do something about it if you can, or focus on things you can control if it's something you can't change. And the way he was raised, simply complaining about things because they worry you is just what you do to process things, venting to make yourself feel better.

So when he brings up something that bothers him, and I ask him what he thinks we should be doing about that, it's a baffling question to him. To him, verbally stating that Life Is Just Bad Sometimes is a neutral thing and not a prompt to start coming up with how to solve this issue. And my brain just fucking short-circuits right there.

So when he's just stating out loud that things just be like that sometimes, what I'm hearing is "life is intrinsically, ontologically bad in a way that cannot be in any way improved, endured, nor ignored, and there is no hope of it ever being any other way." And like a solution-seeking missile, my singular brain cell jumps into the next passably logical solution and goes

"So are you suggesting we should do double-suicide?"

[strawberryvanillafrosting]

limiting believes i got rid of AND YOU SHOULD DO TOO in order to manifest instantly

-> time 

before i thought and probably your case too AND I HOPE THAT IT’S NOT ANYMORE  that time had anything to do with the loa, manifesting and stuff. that the fakest shit i’ve ever head. literally all is based off your mind and your assumptions.who tf decided that manifesting a house should take months? when time doesn’t even exist. LIKE TELL ME WHERE TF IS THE LOGIC?  like just sit there and think about it, time was human-made and the law is just the law, so why would you make the time a law? like why tf would you even just consider time ?j just think about an answer.the law isn’t logical itself so why would you even try to make it logical by putting it together with something thats considered logical? just ask yourself. why tf would my penthouse in new york would take months to get to me? whats the answer to that now?

FORGET ABOUT TIME, about deadlines or whatever stop counting days like you were in fucking jail. the only jail you’re in is you’re mind.

 -> worth and  « bigger » or « smaller » manifestations 

nothing has value, you’re the one creating value and putting things on a pedestal. do you know what’s worth more between a 1$ and a 100$ ? if you say the 100$ you really understood nothing did you? it’s as easy to have the 100$ than the 1$ as it’s the same thing to manifest a big fat miami house or a small condo in tokyo and if you think otherwise you haven’t totally let go of those limitings believes yet. why do you think money has so much value? it really is a piece of paper with a print. would you give a piece of paper with a drawing of an old man any value? no. THEN STOP GIVING VALUE TO MONEY OR ANYTHING IN LIFE.you think you could attract a person you don’t care about but not your crush or you desired friends? when those persons are worth the same and as easy to get as the other? the second you consider that everything you want is absolutely worthless and as easy to get as the oxygen you’re breathing right now, you’ll manifest.

the second you’ll pull out this bullshit that we instill in your brain of «  value, worth, bigger things, harder to get, longer to get » you’ll instantly get it. THE SECOND YOU’LL KNOW THESE WORTHLESS THINGS ARE ALREADY YOURS, YOU MANIFESTD IT!

MAINLY STOP PUTTING YOURSELF LIMITS!!!!! you control everything what’s stopping you from getting that penthouse you want so bad?? money? money is worthless and you can get it the amount of money you want so now what do you need more? go get you keys and enjoy it cause you literally already fucking have it. YOU’RE DIVINE how can you manage not to have a  simple piece of paper that has the number «  100 » on it? how can you not get a place made with of wood and rocks and itself filled with more things that are made with wood and rocks ? how do you manage not get the love of a simple girl or boy? THE ANSWER IS YOU DON'T MANAGE NOT TO HAVE IT CAUSE YOU ALREADY DO.

PUT IN YOUR HEAD YOU ALREADY HAVE IT ALL. NOTHING ELSE EXISTS, NOT WORTH, VALUE, TIME, ALL THIS THINGS DOES NOT EXIST SO PLEASE PLEASE GET THOSE BULLSHIT LIMITING ASS HUMAN MADE CONCEPT OUT OF YOUR GENIUS BRAIN AND INSTANTLY GET ALL YOU WANT WITHOUT RESTRICTIONS WHATSOEVER

->3D delay

don’t put in your head that there will be a delay forget about that.focus on the fact that it gets instantly to you and that’s it. do not care about anything else. « oh i don’t have my results yet it'S probably 3D delay😞 » no. you already have it wtf is even a delay? the moment you decided to have it in your 4D you instantly got in your 3D period.

-> self victimising

STOP THIS. stop all the «  it’s not manifesting why?? why everyone but me 🥺» please. you’re worth more than that. persist no matter what.stop slowing down your living in the end process. if you wanna feel sad about a situation, be sad, but don’t even start self-victimising. don’t eat up your feelings it leads to nothing good but always remind yourself that you have the knowledge that ppl out there don’t have access to. people dying or being in the worst situation ever dont even have any way to get out of it cause they don’t know but YOU? YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. YOU KNOW THE LAW. YOU KNOW YOUR LIMITLESS POWER. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR DREAM LIFE SO WHY SELF VICTIMISE? YOU AREADY GOT IT ALLL GIRLLL

btw that’s my first blog i hope it was inspiring🥰 and i dont tell you may all your manifestations come true cause they’re obviously already all true 

#manifesting #law of assumption #neville goddard #self concept #limiting beliefs #manifesation #dream life #affirm and persist #loa success #master manifestor #loassumption

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 3 - "Dinner and Dessert"

AN: Chapter 3 my loves! I hope you enjoy this one :) Also I'm sorry if this is bad I've only ever written smut like 2x before this. If you're looking for better smut, I always always always recommend @lovelykhaleesiii

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

If anyone is interested in me starting a tag list, please feel free to let me know!!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: As the day comes to a close, she can only think of what has happened. With having less than a full day to understand the situation, her thoughts are all consuming. Her beloved twin, Jacaerys, shows he has only ever cared for her.

18+ every one

TW: SMUT SMUT SMUT!!!! P in V, Targcest (is it Targcest if their last names are Velaryon?), profanity, dirty talk, unprotected sex (please practice safe sex guys), Jace has a monster in his pants, Jace being kinda dom

Pairings: Jacaerys Velaryon x twin!Reader, mentions of Aemond Targaryen x Reader, mentions of Alys Rivers x Aemond Targaryen

Word count: 3.6 k

Aemond had accompanied me to the Dragon Pit, as was my original intention. And it was time well spent in all honesty. He spoke to me about the time that I was gone. Just as Mother said, he had gone around the entire realm to attempt to find me. Apparently, he had spent a long time in Harrenhal, the seat of my blood father’s family.

What I hadn’t expected, though, was him telling me of this woman he had met there named Alys Rivers. According to him he had grown fond of her and even attempted to be with her. He claimed it was to try to get over me, as all logic pointed to me being dead. I stopped listening.

When I was back in my chambers, with nothing to do but think as I waited for dinner, I could only sit in the window seat overlooking Blackwater Bay. My finding didn’t make sense to me.

If I were taken by pirates like seemed to be a popular theory, why was I not in Essos? I would probably fetch a fair price if they sold me into slavery. Or why had they not demanded ransom? As a princess of the realm, my identity was not a secret, even if I didn’t have the signature Targaryen hair. I had done as much as possible to help the citizens of King’s Landing. I had done a tour of the Seven Kingdoms to meet with several Lords and their sons to consider for marriage. There was not a time in which I was ever hidden away.

“Your brain is going to break if you continue to think so hard,” Jace said from beside me. My gaze snapped to him, trying to steady my heart from the shock. “It is just me, issa dāria.”

“Must you sneak in here like that?” I scolded him yet I was certain the only thing stern about me was my tone. I was too happy to see him to control the smile that crept onto my face.

He was carrying a tray with two plates piled high with food and two cups. He set it on a nearby table before coming back to stand by my side.

“I wanted to have time with you. We have not seen each other since the afternoon,” he explained to me.

He gave me a soft smile. Everything about him was soft. His hair laid in loose curls that bounced with every motion. His lips were plump, eyes round and a deep brown, and even his sharp jawline was offset by full cheeks. Hell, even down to what he wore was soft. A loose fitting, long sleeved white linen shirt with strings crossing over the space between his collarbones tucked into the waistband of his brown cotton pants. Unlike most, he didn’t often wear shoes around the castle unless he had to go before the council or maybe a formal dinner.

No matter how much I loved Aemond, Jace was a part of me. I loved him in nearly every way a person could. He and I were two pieces of the same soul. We could spend all day together and never need a break. He listened to me rant about every subject I ever read about, learned High Valyrian for me. He was good and kind and sweet.

“And the food?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I thought perhaps dinner with all of us at once may prove to be too much tonight, so you and I could eat in here. I’ve already spoken to Mother and told her,” he said.

I chuckled and stood from my seat. Without any hesitation, he took my hand in one of his hands and pulled me closer by my waist with the other. Standing here, chest to chest with him, the world felt quiet.

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly. He was sure not to hold me too tightly.

“Physically I hurt,” I whispered. It was best if I were honest with him. “Otherwise, I’m just confused. None of it makes sense. And to think of missing five years with you causes an unbearable ache in my chest.”

He pressed his lips to my forehead. It was how he comforted me when he had no idea what to say. Always handling me with great care like it was his life’s mission. There was no amount of affection too small to him.

He said nothing else before helping me into a chair at the table. The silence felt nice if I were honest. With him, I didn’t feel like I had missed anything.

“Luke is happy you’re back,” he told me after he had sat down. “So is Joffrey. They missed you greatly.”

“I cannot wait to see them. As well as Little Aegon and Viserys. They all have grown so much,” I responded, tears welling up in my eyes.

My plate had a venison roast with potatoes and carrots. A simple meal but one of my favorites. Dragonstone had the largest deer I had seen which was an impressive feat considering how many dragons roamed free on the island. But with such an abundance of the meat, we had it frequently when we lived there.

“I love you,” he said. He spoke it in such a way nobody could question his sincerity. He had always been honest to a fault.

“I love you,” I said before taking a bite of food. It was perfect and heavenly.

“So then why did you go to Aemond? Why spend the afternoon without me?” His voice was pained and his lip quivered a little.

Did he not know that it was not that way? It wasn’t like I chose Aemond over Jacaerys. He had merely been the one to come to my room.

“My moon, I had been on my way to see Vhaela and he approached me. I did not go seek him out,” I nearly pleaded with him. I reached across the table to take his hand in mine and squeeze it.

“I am not oblivious to the fact you were with him in the year you spent here with grandsire. But you and I are meant to be husband and wife. Formally so, now,” he whispered. His eyes moved to look at his plate.

My heart ached at the thought of hurting him. He was everything to me. My best friend, the moon and stars in my night sky, my fire on a cold night. When I spoke of him being my other half, it was not an exaggeration. Without him there was no me.

Even so, I could not pretend that everything was fine and as it was before I woke on the beach. While I had been stuck in place, everyone around me continued to grow and thrive and change. Pretending they hadn’t was like ignoring the rain as it washes away the earth. I would be fine as long as it was raining and I could use the water to maneuver. But once the flood subsided, I would be stranded without knowing where I was.

“But should we be? It has been five years, Jacaerys. Hell, I wasn’t even with you for a year before I disappeared. What if the person you are now does not love the person I am?”

“I could give you everything you could ever wish for when I am King. I will give you every child your heart could desire, I will love you until my final breath. Why is that not enough?” he asked before looking back up at me. The way he said it made me question if he was more hurt or angry. “Or is this back to the ridiculous notion that since Aegon the Conqueror had two wives you could have two husbands?”

“I wish to know where my heart truly lies. I wish to know if I marry you it is purely for love and not anything to do with duty. Why can you not give me that?”

He was silent for a moment longer than I would have liked. Was it truly an unreasonable request? All I ever wanted was a life of love. I knew Jace would love me for as long as we lived, and I would love him. But if it weren’t an equal love, if it were a love that was weighed down by a sense of duty, where was the honor in that? How could I subject both of us to that?

“So you wish to replace me?” he asked me. He yanked his hand away from me as he pushed up from the table. “I can only assume with Aemond.”

“I am not replacing you!” I said firmly. “You are my twin, my other half, there is no replacing you.”

I quickly stood up too, trying to be on his level, to prove I was on his side. But it was too quickly and I cried out in pain. The Maesters figured it had only been a month at most since they were cracked. As such, they warned me of the potential for severe pain, making it difficult to move or breathe without risking it. At first I thought they were full of shit, but with my ribs feeling like they’re on fire and my breathing causing agonizing pain, I realized I had just been stubborn.

No matter his anger, he rushed to close the distance between us and hold me steady. Even when he was angry or hurt, it was never enough to take over his compassion. Jace truly was too good for this world.

I couldn’t help but nuzzle him as he held me. Never was it my intention to hurt him. I just didn’t want to rob something from him that he above all people deserved. A happy, love filled life.

“How could you do this to me?” he whispered while holding me close. “I have lived without you for over six years. I alone waited for you.”

“It is not something I’ve done to you, Jace,” I insisted. “I do not wish to exclude you. I just want to explore my heart.”

He sighed softly and set me back down in my chair. Kneeling in front of me, he pushed my hair back from my face. I loved him so much. I could only hope he still understood that.

“I have dreamt of you every night since you left my side,” he whispered. “Even so, I cannot make you unhappy. If you are sure, then I will not object. But do not make me stay away from you.”

It was never easy to stay away from him. The first time I ever tried to was when I became aware of how desperately I wanted to cross the lines of what was proper. Being around him had been overwhelming, so I elected to just stay away. But eventually he became frustrated with me and came to my room in the middle of the night to demand answers. That was the night he took my maidenhead. To this day I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

“Then you cannot ask me to stay away from him. I want this to be true and fair, issa dārys,” I whispered to him.

He said nothing, instead moving forward and pushing his lips to mine. His movements were cautious as to avoid causing me more pain in my busted lip, but I could feel a hunger behind it. All thoughts but him left me.

Jace pulled away far too soon, standing from his position in front of me. Within a moment he had me in his arms, holding me off the floor. I couldn’t help but giggle wildly at this. The sound made him smile and then he carried me to my bed.

In truth, for the longest time this was our bed. No matter how often our parents tried, we always found our way back into the same bed. It is why the room is decorated equally in our favorite colors. Once we had painted the wall behind the bed to look like a sunset, mixing stunning oranges and purples that felt like home. Warm and wonderful just like Jace.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear as he began desperately pulling at the laces along my back that held my dress to me.

“I love you,” I whispered, pulling at his shirt. He pulled back just enough to allow me to pull it over his head and toss it aside before he put his lips to my neck.

My dress fell from my shoulders and chest, leaving my breasts exposed to him. The way Jace stared with nothing short of an animalistic hunger made me whimper in pleasure. Within a matter of moments he was massaging the left one and attaching his lips to the right. He sucked little red marks into the flesh, so insignificant that they would disappear by the morning, but leaving a stinging sensation wherever he touched that reminded me this was real.

When he took my hardened nipple in between his lips, grazing it with his teeth, I gasped in pleasure. It had been far too long since I had felt his touch. He made sure I was aware of it, too. He sucked eagerly, never once stopping the massaging movements he made with his hand. Moans of his name fell from my lips as though he were the god I worshipped.

He pulled away from me with a loud pop. “Always been so perfect for me,” he whispered to me. “Made for me, weren’t you, issa dāria?”

I was rendered speechless as Jace pulled my dress from me completely, followed quickly by his pants. In his naked form he was everything a girl could ask for. His muscles were firm and well defined, biceps large enough so that I could not wrap a hand around them. Any baby fat on his stomach had melted into six individually defined muscles. Somehow there was no hair along his chest, but a small line of hair connected his navel to the curly brown hair at the base of his cock.

Every time I saw his cock, my jaw dropped slightly. He was easily ten inches in length and thick enough so that I could barely touch my thumb and middle finger together when holding it. It was monstrous in size but he was so loving and sweet it never caused excessive pain. His cock was hard, red at the tip with pre-cum beading on it. I glanced up to his face to find him blushing as I looked him over.

“Still so shy after all the nights we spent together?” I asked him quietly.

“You must remember that while it has not been so long for you, it has been damn near seven years for me. So shut up,” he said, blushing even more at my teasing. I couldn’t help but giggle.

“No passage of time could ever change the love I have for you, or how perfect I find you,” I whispered before taking one of his hands in mine.

He moved to hover over me, a knee on either side of my own, his cock resting against my thighs. His eyes were easy to follow as he dragged his gaze along my body, starting at my face and working his way down. Every cut or scar, no matter how small, earned a kiss against the skin. Taking extra care with the bruise on my ribs, he pressed small kisses along the edges of it where it did not cause any pain. The pure intimacy of it was enough to cause a heat to build as my pussy became increasingly wet.

Just as he was about to continue leaving kisses down the rest of my body, I reached down to grab his chin. The touch was enough to get him to connect his gaze with me.

“Love me, Jace,” I whispered, pleading with him. I couldn’t take the sweet torture that was his foreplay.

“You are not ready for me yet, love,” he said.

“I am plenty wet for you. The rest I do not care about,” I told him.

“I do not wish to cause you more pain,” he insisted, but I leaned up and kissed him, my eyes fluttering shut.

This time it was I who kissed him hungrily. Being like this with him, I felt like I had been starving and all that I wanted was right in front of me. My sweet twin, one who had always put me above anyone else. Even now when I can feel how needy he is as his cock leaked pre-cum onto my thigh, he needed to put me above him.

Carefully I slid down some, so that his cock was now resting on my hip. Reaching between us I grabbed it, giving a few lazy strokes. He groaned against my lips when I aligned the tip to my waiting cunt.

He pulled back just enough to separate our lips. My eyes opened quickly so that I could look at him. His eyes were soft, waiting for me to tell him to go.

I nodded ever so slightly. That was all he needed to push forward into me. Already he was moaning my name as he sunk inch after inch into me. It ached quite a lot after not having him inside me for so long. But still, I couldn’t ask him to stop. The ache was pleasurable and needed.

He got nearly three quarters of his cock inside me before he stilled. He was breathing heavily, obviously struggling with restraint but giving me time to adjust. I pressed kisses over every part of his face before laying back so that I could admire him. Jacaerys was a god among men, that I was certain of.

“I’m okay, love,” I whispered to him. One look in my eyes was all he needed to be sure.

He hooked my right leg behind my knee and pulled it to lay against his chest. A cry of both pleasure and pain came out of my lips at the way this caused him to reach further in me than he ever had. There was a small smirk on his face. The cheeky fucker knew exactly what he did.

Setting a near torturous pace, he pulled out of me slowly and pushed back in. The pain I felt was indistinguishable from pleasure. Every twitch and every throb of his cock, I could feel entirely. Then Jace pressed his thumb to my clit, rubbing in tandem with each movement of his hips. When his cock was buried inside me, he rubbed against it eagerly, like he was trying to make me cum right then and there. And then every time my body started tightening up and I began to see stars, he pulled out to just his tip and all but stopped touching my clit.

I glared at him the sixth time he did it while feeling my approaching orgasm back off. It made him chuckle as he bent down, pressing my knee to my shoulder, with only the tip of his cock nestled inside me.

“You feel so good, you know that, love?” he whispered to me. “Feels like your cunt was designed with my cock in mind. Bet I would fit perfectly if I went all the way to my balls, don’t you?” With widened eyes I nodded eagerly. “Have I fucked you stupid already, pretty girl?”

This was a side to him I hadn’t seen before. Normally he was whispering praises to me, thanking the gods for me, and I gave him the same. But it was not unwelcome. In fact, I could feel myself clench around him as a whine built up in my throat.

“That’s okay, baby, don’t need you to say anything. Can feel how much you love this,” he whispered before driving his hips forward.

I wrapped my left leg around his waist so that I could pull him closer into me. Each powerful thrust had me moaning out his name. The sounds of my moans and his heavy balls slapping against my ass was all that could be heard echoing around the room. A wave started building inside me, the intensity of it increasing while he stroked my clit again. This time he never let up.

“Cum around my cock, pretty girl,” he said to me. “Fuck, Y/N, so fucking tight. So perfect for me.” His breathing became more labored as he punctuated each word with a moan.

“Gods, Jace!” I cried out when the orgasmic wave crashed over me. He looked to where his cock sank into me. The evidence of my orgasm soaked his stomach, sliding down his skin and dripping onto the bed.

Jace’s thrusts became erratic as my cunt squeezed around him. Within seconds, he was crying out my name and his hips stuttered to a stop. I could feel every inch of his cock throb and twitch as his cum poured into me.

He was very careful as he pulled out. Both of us whined at the loss of contact, but his turned quickly into a moan when he saw a string of my juices mixed with his between his cock and my body. With a goofy little smile he laid beside me and pulled the blanket up over the both of us.

“You have had my heart for our entire lives,” he whispered to me. “I am not giving yours up without a fight.”

With one last kiss to my forehead, he held me close to him before we both went to sleep.

#dividers by benkeibear #jacaerys velaryon #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader smut #smut #out of time

[dear-mrs-otome]

Would you please share crumbs of Jude's event? 👉👈

Yeah yeah! This goes for my other anon who was asking too...I won't go into any detail because I'm positive someone out there will do a much better job of translating but here's the super quick and dirty version, literally just copying what I was screeching to friends. see what i did there

Basically, Kate gets herself accidentally drugged shielding some woman when she and Jude are on a mission dealing with human traffickers, and she's high as fuck on this aphrodisiac stuff, just no brain cells left only horknee. Roger says she's just gotta wait it out and that someone should keep an eye on her overnight to make sure no bad side effects happen, and of course he volunteers.

Jude: he's just gonna try and get a piece -.-

Roger's like AS WOULD ANY OF US HERE and Jude's level of legit out loud just saying I'M SURROUNDED BY THE DREGS OF SOCIETY had me rolling.

Anyway, much to his surprise Kate picks him to be her monitor and he eventually gets exasperated with her not even being able to walk right, he's like I'm not standing here all night holding you up binch. You'll feel better if you just come, so here's my hand - go wild rubbing yourself on some fingers to get off.

He keeps giving her shit about her being pitiful and stuff but he never touches her anywhere else and only over her clothes as she comes a couple of times, and Kate finally implies that's why she picked him, because she knew he'd never take advantage of someone in her state. Jude teases her about how convenient it is to be able to blame all this sluttery on the drugs but he gets very serious (SOFT FACE ALERT) and tells her he's just yanking her chain - he knows she's not the sort of girl to give herself away so easily.

It's hilarious but also weirdly gentlemanly, and he helps her mentally get through it by commiserating with her rage that some guy is out there manufacturing this horrible stuff and putting women through what she's suffering through, and he basically says hang in there and after this is over how about you and I make sure we track down that fucker and give him hell 😈

There's a pretty amusing scene after the night ends, some time later when they HAVE caught the guy, and Kate's celebrating. Jude's confiscated all the aphrodisiac and taken over the supply lines, and Kate asks what he's gonna do with it, and he tells her he's gonna sell it. She's like WHAT but he very logically explains that if he doesn't, someone else will step up to make something possibly even worse, so he'll dilute it and control distribution safely (ostensibly to hopefully keep it safer) ((Jude for legalized marijuana amirite))

But then the shithead offers to sell her some with a sly grin and Kate's just difjfjfjdjd No NO THANK YOU

Jude: you sure? You SEEMED like you were enjoying yourself ;) leaving Kate just -.- And then he's basically like, eh i wouldn't mind being with you I guess your O face ain't so bad and poor Kate is left kind of like he's joking right? RIGHT? because if he isn't god help me and my poor heart

ANYWAYS...like I said, it was all kind of very twistedly chivalrous, and it really reinforced again that Jude's a dick but an equal opportunity one, he's never a dick to Kate because she's a woman. He drinks his respect juice, especially for exploited ladies it seems, even if he shows it strangely at times.

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikevil jude #spoiler #spoilers #ikemen villains spoilers #ikevil spoilers #mrs o talks #ugh how does he manage to infuriate and endear himself in the same breath

[tabithatwo]

Lowkey imagine the breaking my silence meme bc it feels real for this sentiment but I don’t want to add it here okay? Are you ready? Are you prepared for me to maybe piss you off a little idk how this will be received so just keep an open mind (or don’t I can’t control the gates of your brain I guess but at least I’ve warned you!!)

I think the fact that the two main ways of categorizing jackie taylor are, when boiled down to their simplest terms,

(1) popular mean girl who is a selfish bitch who I hate

(2) loser girl failure who isn’t actually popular or talented who I love

is ummmm sort of telling.

Like. Stay with me. I’m not hating on anyone. Actually, if you’re in group one I am hating on you a little tbh and you can clock out early and start sending me that hate anon now lmao cause this post isn’t really about you. But group two! stay with me for a minute because I get you! I really do! But I want to challenge that thinking and sort of examine it.

Why do we need to twist jackie into something else to like her? Like, if you see jackie as kind and loving and generally just a teenage girl trying to do her best, right? Why then do parts of her have to be “explained away” to a degree? She’s the striker and captain of a nationals bound team. Why does she have to not be a successful athlete to align with the sweetness that you see in her? Yes, coach martinez tells her she isn’t the best on the team, but we see how they treat allie who isn’t actually up to par. There’s nothing to indicate that jackie isn’t very good. Why does she actually have to be friendless besides shauna? Yes, it’s clear those two are codependent and mostly attached at the hip, but in the pilot we aren’t given reason to think that jackie is some friendless unliked girl. She’s socializing with different people and they seem to like her plenty. When she lines the team up yeah, there’s eye rolling, but they listen to her and they seem to mostly take her compliments fondly. She’s homecoming queen, that’s decided on by people voting you in and, generally speaking, you have to be liked and known by a lot of people for that to happen (again if you’re someone who thinks she’s an evil manipulative bitch somehow, this isn’t directed at you lmao).

Why can’t a girl be pretty and decently popular and talented at her sport and be kind and lovable? Why do we see a girl like jackie and need her to be secretly bad at that shit and not widely liked to find her palatable?

Like (1) girl is either truly pretty and popular and talented, so she’s a bitch OR (2) girl is sweet, so she can’t actually be pretty and popular and talented.

That’s the formula we’re fed constantly and I’m really tired of it cause it’s rebranded misogyny that we internalize and accidentally project onto the world tbh and I’m guilty of that in ways, like I’ve been there!!!

But idk. Yeah, Jackie is awkward at times and not good at popping deer tendons and embarrassingly earnest and a lot of other things along those lines!! But you can be all those things and still be everything else she is y’know? That’s sort of my whole point.

Anyway, let girls be good at things without that making them a bitch is what I’m getting at, I guess. Because I see a lot of people defend jackie from the “she’s a mean bitch” hate by saying “no she’s not, she’s literally got one friend and she’s not even good at soccer.”

And it’s like WELL idk about that!! And even if that was true, why is THAT the automatic defense against someone calling her a bitch?? Why are those two things so heavily equated and not even viewed as a logical leap? Why is the defense not to bring up all the kind loving things we see her do, but to chip away at the traits that she possesses that we are trained to find obnoxious or hateable in women, but aren’t fucking innately bad?

Anyway just a thought! I don’t hate anyone for making a joke about girlfailure jackie okay! Some of those are so funny and legit but it’s an overall trend I’m discussing! And like the idea that to be a girlfailure in the ways that she is, she must also be not well liked and bad at the shit she loves! Just an observation! <3 <3 <3

#I love having a long absence from tumblr and immediately saying THIS lmao but like! idk! on my mind! #I might have another absence tbh my month is batshit but I DO plan on getting to my mountain of asks I SWEAR #anyway!!! jackie taylor is very special to me!!! #jackie taylor #shauna shipman #jackie x shauna #yellowjackets

[kyriethesquishysquid]

Betrayal Never Felt So Good (König/Fem!Reader) Chapter 2

You can find Chapter 1 here, Chapter 3 here, Chapter 4 here, Chapter 5 here, and Chapter 6 here!

Word count: ~6.5k

Rating: Mature

A/N: Use of Y/N and Y/L/N. Appearance of a feral and jealous Possesive!König. We get plot but no smut in this one, with some angst, feelings, murder, and comfort on top! Reader really just needs a hug right now. Reader is also morally grey and morally questionable. Continued COD and military inaccuracies galore. Don’t shoot me for not writing out any combat scenes please - I’m a smut/fluff/angst author, action is outside of my wheelhouse lol. Once again written in less than 24 hours so please forgive any mistakes!

TW: Non-consensual drugging, emotional manipulation, body shaming, and attempted assault from asshole #2. Cold-blooded murder (but done for “good” reasons so it’s fine right?). Canon violence toward others by König, hints at stalking, hurt/comfort. Pet names (in English and German), bad German translations bc I’m still a lame monolingual American, and STILL no beta because we die like jackass Graves.

Crappy Translations:

Ungeziefer - Vermin

Maus - Mouse

Mein schatz - My darling

Meine leibling - My love

Scheiße - shit

It had been two whole months since your “rescue” from KorTac and not a day had gone by where you didn’t spend it thinking of König. That man plagued your mind worse than anyone ever had before. Which was stupid, considering you knew next to nothing about him, except that he treated you like a princess and fucked you like a whore. Oh and that he was the colonel of a “technically” enemy faction and your relationship would be seen as treason. And yet, he was the first man you’d had any sort of connection to in years. The only one who seemed to know everything you needed and wanted by intuition alone, and you craved the opportunity to explore that connection further. 

You tried to think of some way to reach out to him but there was never a plausible avenue. You didn’t know his real name so finding him online, if he even had an online presence, would be impossible. You couldn’t very well ask Graves if he had any information on him either, lest you get fired, or worse, murdered, seeing as the Commander did not have a reputation for being understanding.

 As the hamster wheel in your brain spun round and round, your thoughts grew more desperate and unhinged. It wasn’t too much longer before your contract with Shadow Company was up anyway. You were heavily considering seeing if KorTac would take you after, which you felt crazy about, but you weren’t sure what else to do. Logic just didn’t seem to play well with your thoughts about König and it was driving you insane to not be in control of yourself.

You could only turn off your constant barrage of emotion when you were knee-deep in patients or allowed out onto the field to provide care; though even that had been happening less. “Don’t want to chance triggering a PTSD episode”, Graves had said. And yet, despite thinking it couldn’t get worse, life had decided to throw you another curveball. It came when you were given your first mission in weeks, being called across countries with a small team of specialists to Russia to protect a diplomat and his family while they were in the country. That wasn’t the bad part though. Oh no. You could handle travel and a safe mission for once. The part that tied your stomach into knots was the fact you were going to be serving along with KorTac. It took everything in you not to show the emotions you felt in the moment Graves had told you that, while the last time you’d seen the KorTac colonel flashing through your thoughts like a movie. 

-

The shouting in the quiet bunker was your first sign something was wrong. At first, you tried to ignore it, snuggling closer into the big human-shaped heater against you but then there was a gunshot, and that got you both up. Instinctively, you knew what was happening before even stepping foot out of the room. 

“They’re here, aren’t they?” you whispered.

An overwhelming sense of panic filled your chest as you clasped his hands tight, unsure of what you were supposed to do.

“Stay here,” he instructed you as he quickly crossed the room to his dresser, gearing up in a hurry. 

“What? No! You can’t go out there! What if they hurt you?!” you snapped back. 

König shot you a bemused look as he tightened his vest. 

“They can try, mein schatz, but they will not succeed.”

While his cockiness was certainly attractive and you knew he could hold his own in fights, there was now a part of you that worried and ached at the thought of him getting hurt. Before he could leave, you caught his wrist and jerked him back to you, smashing your mouth against his. 

“Be safe.”

-

“Y/L/N!”

The pain of being ripped from such a powerful memory was enough to make you stumble, nearly falling into the last man you wanted to see at that moment; Daniel Carter, your “savior” from König and KorTac. It took all the power in your body not to frown at the brunette smugly grinning down at you. 

“Yes, sir?” you finally asked. 

“You gonna get in?” 

He gestured to the plane and you quickly stepped into the cabin, a hot blush coating your face as you walked down the aisle to find a seat near the exit but still far enough to not be at the very end. Your fear of flying wasn’t something you had to face often thankfully but, when you did, it was a tough beast to battle. Fortunately, your mind was easily swayed into other worries when you watched the rest of the teams climb onto the plane. One by one, they found a seat, until the last member boarded, his figure dominating the entire space with his six-foot-eight presence. You couldn’t help but watch as he walked by. Gods, he was even bigger than you remembered. The sway of his hips and spread of his gait as he walked left nothing to the imagination, and you found yourself staring unbearably hard at his thick ass and thighs until he sat down on the other end. 

Fuck, this was going to be harder than you thought. Your heart had felt afloat water in stormy seas ever since the moment you’d seen him waiting with his team this morning. At first, seeing him made you feel like you were finally able to breathe again, but the way he pointedly avoided your presence dragged you back down into the suffocating depths of turmoil. You’d hoped it was just a show for the others around you, but then it became clear that your hopes were for naught. Twice you’d tried to get him alone, practically begged him to talk to you, only to be treated as if you didn’t even exist.  

A tightness that had nothing to do with your fear of flying squeezed at your heart as your eyes dropped to your feet. Doubts began to pile up like a car crash. Maybe you were stupider than you realized. Maybe those nights had meant nothing to him. Maybe you were just another stupid conquest who had the gall to believe someone as high-ranked and enigmatic as König would actually want more than an easy lay. And, fuck, had you made it easy. Some nice words, a few sweet gestures, and a voice that made your brain melt, and you were putty in his hands.

Lips tilting down, you leaned back against the stiff seat and let out a long sigh. Maybe if you hit your head hard enough on the wall you’d break something, or at least get a concussion bad enough to be sent home.

“What’s up, toots?” Daniel asked, tapping his boot against yours.

You managed a half-assed smile and muttered, “Hate flying.” 

He grinned and leaned over just enough to nudge your shoulder with his. It was minimal contact but it was enough to make your stomach hurt. While Daniel seemed nice enough, you’d been privy to too many conversations he and his buddies had when they thought they were alone in the medbay or canteen. While some of the absolutely disgusting things he’d said were enough to make you wary, most of your ire came from him being the one to sneak you out of König’s room. 

“You’re a strong gal, you’ve got this. Just take some deep breaths,” he instructed slowly, “Here, gimme your hand.”

Before you could politely decline, he snagged your hand in his and wrapped your smaller fingers around his palm. 

“Lean back, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and squeeze if you need.”

Just the thought of being that vulnerable in his presence, or really any of the men around you,  made your skin crawl. But honestly, what else did you have to do at this point? It was about an hour flight and your mind wasn’t in a good place. 

Giving him a little nod, you did as instructed and let your head fall back once more. After the first few breaths, you had to admit some of the tension was dying down. 

“There you go. Atta girl.”

Fuck. Your heart lurched against your ribs as his words threw you into a very heated memory that you most certainly didn’t need right then - the way König praised you for taking his cock so well, how his lips brushed your ear as he said such sinfully beautiful words as his hands caressed your skin. Face warming, you tried to clear your head again, only to get disrupted by the sound of heavy feet stopping in front of you. 

“Can I help you with something, sir?” Daniel asked, something akin to fear in his tone. 

Who could he have been afraid of? Most everyone here was on good terms, or so you thought. 

“Is there something that we need to know before we land?” 

König. Jolting upright, you gaped up at him in disbelief as he stood there stiffly, arms crossed across his chest and eyes pinning Daniel down in earnest. God, that shouldn’t have been hot. You were supposed to be hurt, pissed at him, and yet the fire in his eyes as he stared down the other man was nothing more than primal.

“U-Uh, I’m not sure what you mean, sir,” Daniel stammered out.

You quickly jerked your hand from his and noticed that finally- FINALLY- those deep blues were focused on you for the first time all day. 

“We cannot afford to have any distractions out there. I will ask again, is there something that we need to prepare for? Will your attention be divided?” König bit out.

It wasn’t painfully obvious but you could hear a slight inflection, almost anger, filtering through his tone. 

“No, sir,” you retorted stiffly, “Private Carter was helping me with my fear of flying.”

“Correct, sir,” Daniel agreed quickly.

König let out a snide hmm before strolling back down the aisle to his seat. It wasn’t until he was fully sat that you relaxed in your seat. 

“What the fuck…This is awkward, right?” Daniel whispered, “I mean, it’s weird for me but I can’t imagine how weird it is for you.” 

Playing dumb, your eyes cut to him curiously and you asked, “What do you mean?” 

He gestured weakly toward König and the rest of his team, and then at you. 

“They quite literally kidnapped you a couple of months ago,” he muttered, “They killed a group of our men and were actively fighting against our mission, and now we’re expected to just get along with them?” 

The guy had a point. Sighing heavily, you shrugged and leaned back. 

“Yeah, it’s weird, but we do what we gotta do, right?” you murmured.

If only he knew the real reason for your discomfort. Eyes flicking up to the bare metal ceiling, you said a silent prayer that once you were on the ground, you wouldn’t have to be in König’s presence anymore. It wouldn’t do to be distracted, and lord knows you would be. 

“Try to rest,” Daniel said suddenly, “I’ll wake you when we land.” 

Any thoughts of arguing were wiped from your mind when the cabin shuddered through turbulence. With a shaky inhale, you closed your eyes and started counting back from one hundred. Even if you didn’t fall asleep, it would help with your endless anxiety.

…

“Alright, you’re good to go. Just try to stay off of it as much as possible until we leave tomorrow. Those painkillers will help the pain but the ligaments still need time to repair,” you sighed with a weak smile.

“Just glad it’s not broken,” he laughed nervously, “It’d suck for my first real injury to be caused by tripping in the dirt rather than by combat,” 

You snickered in agreement at that. That would be one sad story.

“Remember, ice, elevation, and painkillers!” you called as he exited the room with a wave. 

Turning back to your laptop, you started the final charting on the private’s file but it wasn’t long before you were distracted by someone entering the room. Dread filled the pit in your stomach when they didn’t instantly speak. So far you hadn’t seen König more than once or twice in passing this past week and you’d hate to break that streak right before you got to go home. 

“Hey, Y/N, why don’t you head out for the night? I’ve got things covered here!”

Relief practically oozed from your pores as you heard the familiar voice of one of KorTac’s medical staff. Spinning around in the wheely chair, you found the redhead already opening her own laptop at the other desk. 

“You sure?” you asked.

“Of course! You let me sleep in and took the first half of my shift, it’s only fair I let you out early,” she teased kindly. 

Leaving early meant the possibility of running into the silent colonel, but it also meant you could actually enjoy the last night in the city. While it was a smaller area, it apparently had a decent nightlife, or so Daniel said. He’d caught you before your shift and practically begged you to join him and some of the guys out for drinks at the local bar to celebrate a job well done. You’d thought he was going to cry when you told him you worked late and couldn’t join. 

“Girl, go! Shoo! I’ve got this.”

Flashing her a smile, you nodded and gathered up your things. 

“Okay, fine, you win,” you groaned in faux frustration, “I’ll leave you be.” 

She shot you a mock salute and turned dutifully to her laptop, fingers flying across the keyboard as she began to check charts. With one last nod, you grabbed your bag and hurried out into the hall. It was only eight thirty and the guys were going out around nine, so you had just enough time to change into something more sociable. 

The instant you were in your room, you wasted no time digging through your duffle bag until you found a semi-decent outfit. Most of your clothes were for work but you liked to keep a few nicer things on hand for occasions such as this. After pairing a cute black peekaboo sweater with a pair of fitted dark-wash jeans that framed your thick thighs and ass perfectly, you slipped on your only non-work shoes- a pair of black ankle booties. From there, you hastily fixed your hair and put on a quick bit of makeup before rushing out the door. 

It felt weird to admit you were kind of excited to hang out with Daniel and the others tonight. You’d never really been included much in things back home, being medical staff and not one of the “boys”, but ever since being here for the mission, Daniel had made it his primary objective to make sure to check in on you multiple times a day. A strange little friendship was budding and, somehow, you didn’t hate the idea. He’d been nothing less than kind, and now that you weren’t completely hung up on the colonel, you were losing your biggest reason for disliking him. 

“Y/N! Whoa!” 

Daniel’s yelp caught you off guard and you couldn’t stop the blush that formed when you saw the way multiple pairs of eyes raked up and down your form. 

“Damn, you clean up nice, Y/L/N,” another private, Chad you think it was, said from beside Daniel. 

“Uh, thanks,” you replied awkwardly, “So… bar?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniel said with a grin, “Hope you don’t mind but we’re walking because it’s only two blocks away!”

Nodding in understanding, you joined the group of five with a little smile, trying your hardest to keep your nerves at bay. It was chilly out. Nothing too horrible, but it made you glad you’d had the foresight to wear something warm since you had to walk in it. 

“Hey, you know, Chad was right,” Daniel said quietly when he dropped to the back of the group with you, “You look incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than work attire.”

Damn it. It was much easier to hate him when he was acting more creepy and you were under the illusion he’d ruined your love life. Now… Now it was almost too easy to like him.

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” you answered, “You look nice too! Never seen you dressed down either.” 

It wasn’t a lie. Daniel wasn’t a bad-looking guy, maybe a bit plain with short brown hair styled in the regulation cut, nice green eyes, and a big smile, but definitely not bad. It was just that your thoughts were always flittering around the almost seven-foot beast of a man in comparison and no one could compare to that. 

The pink that dusted his cheeks only served to make him cuter and you were nearly groaning in frustration at the thoughts filtering through your mind. No. There was no way you were going to give in to those thoughts. It was just the pain of König ignoring you and the human need for attention making you think that way, you were almost certain. 

“Ah, we’re here!” 

The music from the bar was audible from the outside and it only got worse once you stepped in. He hadn’t been lying when he said there was a thriving nightlife. The small bar was packed to the gills, with just enough room to move around and get to the bar, bathrooms, or dance floor. 

“Come on, I’ll buy you your first drink!” he shouted over the music. 

Aw shit. You knew where that was going to lead. Before you could decline his offer, he snagged your wrist and nearly dragged you to the bar. You were given no choice but to order your favorite drink when he demanded so and the bartender stared you down with a less-than-patient glare. True to his word, he paid for your drink, and then instantly dragged you through the crowd without a word. Daniel led you everywhere like you were some lost puppy who needed direction. From the bar to the table, and then to the dance floor, you weren’t given a single choice in the matter up to the point of him practically pouring your drink down your throat. 

Said action didn’t fly over well, the liquor bitter and stinging down your throat so quickly you had to reflexively cough to avoid aspirating. 

“Jesus, fuck, calm down,” you snapped at him once you caught your breath. 

“I just wanna make sure you can loosen up and have fun,” he replied with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. I.. I just don’t want you to fall behind or anything.”

You couldn’t contain your eye-roll as you gave into the puppy dog eyes and made a show of taking another drink. 

“There, happy?” you asked. 

“Definitely, come on, let’s dance!” 

The irritation over his actions was soon forgotten as you gave in to the beat of the music and joined in the writhing bodies on the floor. It didn’t take long to get drawn into the moment, the alcohol and music a powerful combination that brought out the serotonin you didn’t know you needed. Song after song passed and soon enough you found yourself in Daniel’s arms. It was almost nice, to let the stress of the past few months flow away and focus on only the here and now. 

“I didn’t know you could move like this,” Daniel said into your ear as his arms wrapped around your waist.

The graze of his lips across your skin sent shivers down your spine and you instinctively arched into his touch as his hands slid further down your sides. 

“I don’t get the chance to dance much,” you admitted meekly.

“That’s a shame. You’ll have to let me drag you out more often because it’s a damn sexy sight.”

A giggle escaped before you could stop it. Damn it. His flirting wasn’t funny! 

“Mmmhmm, sure,” you retorted cheekily, “You’re like the only one who thinks that.” 

He quickly spun you around, fast enough that the world went wonky and you had to grab onto him for balance, and it sent chills through your body. 

“Whoa, that- oh my,” you gasped. 

“Are you okay, Y/N?” 

There was a look of concern on his face as you felt your knees weaken. Panic sent your heart racing but you couldn’t focus enough to figure out why. Something just felt… wrong. 

“Maybe you’re dehydrated. Why don’t you finish the rest of your drink?” he urged. 

Shaking your head, you managed to mumble out, “Alcohol won’t fix dehydration. It’ll actually make it worse.”

“Well, it’s worth a try, come on.”

When he pushed the cup to your lips again, some semblance of your brain came back online and you pushed instinctively it away. The ugly curve of his downturned lips told a terrifying story. Was he- Was he trying to drug you?! Clenching your eyes shut tight, you tried to sort through your memories and recall the symptoms of being drugged to compare to your current ailments.

“Damn it, just take the fucking drink. I spent ten dollars on this fancy shit,” he grunted lowly. 

Eyes popping open, you caught his furious glare and instantly everything clicked. The reason he was so intent on you coming out tonight, how he handled the drink all the way to the floor, his insistence to drink the alcohol. 

“You- You prick,” you bit out. 

Thankfully, you hadn’t drunk more than those first two gulps. Whatever he’d laced the liquor with likely wasn’t at its full potential, and yet you were still feeling the effects. Just what the fuck had he given you?

“Y/N, what are you-”

With all your strength, you pushed him and luckily managed to catch him off guard, sending him flying back into the group behind him. You didn’t wait to see if he got back to his feet before you took the chance to escape. It was like a psychedelic maze, trying to escape the packed dance floor with your heart racing and your eyes swimming. Eventually, you made it out, and you instantly left the bar. 

The cold night air tore a gasp from your lungs when it hit your skin but it was more than welcomed. Your body felt like it was on fire, sweat rolling down your back and forehead as if you’d just been vigorously working out. The chill helped to clear your thoughts some. 

“Okay, I can do this, it’s just two blocks,” you murmured to yourself. 

For a minute, you considered calling for help from one of your squadmates, but your gut cautioned you otherwise. These soldiers were close, dangerously close. There was a good chance they’d just help him cover it up if you tried. A weak sigh left your lips as tears flooded your gaze. You wished you would have just stayed at work. You wished you hadn’t gone against your initial judgment of that asshole. You wish you were home, safe and sound in bed. Most of all, you wished you could call König to come save you. How ironic that you were looking to the man Daniel had “rescued” you from to come rescue you from him now. 

“Where do you think you’re going, bitch?!” 

A big hand snagged your wrist and pulled you to a stop so suddenly that your shoulder popped audibly, pain shooting through the joint as you collapsed back against him. 

“Daniel, please- I-”

“Uh-uh, nope. You’re not talking me out of this,” he hissed.

Despite using your entire weight to pull against him, he was able to drag you down a nearby dark alley with ease. Pain exploded through the back of your skull when he slammed you into the brick wall with a grunt and you nearly collapsed.

“Fuck!” you yelped, hand instinctively touching the throbbing spot to check for blood.

“You don’t fucking get it, do you? I was the one who located their base. I was the one who led the team in and took out as many of those dumb fucks as possible. I was the one to save your miserable ass, and what did I get for it? Nothing more than a fucking “thanks” and a shitty attitude. I waited for you to come around but you never fucking did,” he snarled, palm slapping the brick beside your face with a grunt, “When Graves suggested we bring medics along, I knew it would be my best chance of getting you alone. You’re such a stuck-up whore at home that you don’t ever go out with us. But here, I knew I could convince you. All it took was some kindness for your fat ass to fold. Can’t reckon you get much attention, so I’m not that surprised.” 

Disgust and shame reared its ugly head in your chest as you let your eyes drop from the angry vision of his face. Instead, you stared intently at the pocket of his white polo. 

“Now, you’re going to do what you should have done long ago, and you’re going to thank me for saving you. Get on your fucking knees and if you even think of using teeth I’ll put a round in your head so fast that-”

You stopped, mid-decent to the concrete when Daniel went flying. As he slammed into the ground, a hulking shadow followed him in earnest. It took your brain some time to figure out what was happening, but then you heard a familiar voice snarling in German. Slowly, the details of his form solidified in your gaze, and you sagged in relief. 

“Pray to your god while you’ve got the chance, ungeziefer!” König barked loudly.

A pained screech filled the air and made your stomach twist. 

“ König?!” Daniel groaned, “What the-? Why?!”

“You’re quite simple, aren’t you?” König snapped back with a humorless laugh, “Take one guess.”  

You watched the way Daniel’s head popped up, a look of disbelief clear in his eyes as he stared up at the giant before turning to you. Even through the lingering haze of the drugs, you could clearly make out the terror on his face and a sick part of you felt thrilled that he was experiencing even a modicum of the fear he’d pushed onto you. 

“I- I didn’t know,” he panted through frantic gasps, “I wouldn’t have-!” 

Daniel’s weak croak was silenced by a brutal kick to the face. The crunch of bone and cartilage sent chills down your spine and you couldn’t but absentmindedly think about how badly that would heal… if he even made it out of there. 

König rolled him over with a boot to the gut and crouched down above him, his voice just barely loud enough for you to hear. 

“Even if she wasn’t mine, you don’t get to touch her in that way. Unfortunately for you, she is mine. You’re just lucky I don’t have the time to drag this out. The things I would do to you…”

His words lit a fire in your stomach, misplaced lust and satisfaction filling your chest despite the gruesome scene before you. There was a rapid-fire battle going on in your mind, between the lawful good instinct to stop König and the chaotic righteousness to let him beat the hell out of Daniel. It wasn’t until the glint of a blade pierced through the dark, reflecting the weak fluorescent light behind them, that reality finally set in. This wasn’t going to be a fight. This was going to be a slaughter. König was going to kill someone over you!

“No, don’t! König, wait!” 

Your pleas fell on deaf ears. Before you could even blink, he was knelt on Daniel’s back, jerking the smaller man’s head up by the hair only to sink the knife into his ribs repeatedly, ending it with a vicious slash across his throat. It was awful and astonishing. A man of his size shouldn’t be that quick. While you’d seen him take out five of your team alone, that was with a gun. This was different. This was personal. 

Licking your dry lips, you watched with wide eyes as König got up from his position and turned your way. Something between fear and excitement quickened your breaths as he stalked your way, slowly, wiping the blood from his blade before shoving it back into his pocket

“You shouldn’t have done that,” you murmured. 

“And let him live after knowing what he was going to do to you? I think not,” he growled back lowly.

The instant you were within reach, a hand was around your throat, gentle but commanding as he pulled you into him. 

“He’s lucky I didn’t make him clean his guts up off the floor,” he hissed.

“Oh.”

Before you could react, he crouched and lifted you up onto his waist. Brick bit into your back through your sweater as he pinned you against it, making you gasp as his mouth devoured yours. 

“Mine,” he growled fervently. 

His hips ground roughly into the apex of your thighs and stole your breath as a wave of pleasure scorched through your belly. Holy fuck, he was already rock-hard. A pathetic whimper escaped your mouth into him when his teeth bit into your lip hard and you couldn’t resist scraping your nails along the nape of his neck. 

 “Nobody gets to touch you except me, got it?”

Your eyes rolled back at the rasp in his voice, the thinly veiled need peeking through in a taunt.

“Yeah, but… Hey! König, wait, please!”

A little growl emanated through his chest as you pushed on him, but he easily relented, drawing away to catch your flustered gaze with half-lidded eyes. 

“What is it, maus?” he asked.

“We can’t just- What- How the fuck are we gonna explain this?” you retorted, panic slowly filtering through your lust-hazed mind, “My god. You’re gonna get in trouble! I can’t- I can’t let you get hurt for protecting me! We have to do something! Maybe we can-”

Your rambling was quickly silenced with a hand over your mouth, the weight of his body leaning more into you, providing a sense of comfort almost like a weighted blanket. 

“Calm down, meine leibling,” he shushed warmly, “Take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be fine, I promise you.” 

Tears blurred your vision as you looked from him to Daniel and back to him, only to find his eyes hungrily tracing your form. Even in the current situation, you couldn’t deny the heat it caused. And then it was gone, the furrow of his brow conveying that anger once more when he released your mouth. 

“What did you think you were doing anyway, coming here with him?”

You couldn’t help but recoil, grimacing as your head hit the wall in the same tender spot, until he forced your face up by your chin. There was so much fury residing in his gaze that your heart squirmed in pain. It hurt worse than anything to see that judgment and anger directed at you. Was he really going to blame you?

“Maus, I said, what did you think you were-”

“Well, I sure as fuck didn’t think I was coming out to get raped!” you spat back finally, unbidden tears spilling down your cheeks, “I thought- I thought I was- was with friends. I-I didn’t think-”

When he pulled you into his chest, the damn broke fully. Sobs poured from your shaking form as you wrapped yourself around him and breathed him in. You cried over the betrayal from your teammate. You cried at how close you came to being assaulted by another horrible person, the fact that König had saved you twice now. You cried over how much you’d missed him, over how happy you were to hear he still had some kind of emotion for you; no matter how demented it might be. 

“I had a bad feeling about him,” he bit out after a moment, “When I saw you leave with them, I just knew. I’m sorry it took so long to get out here to you, schatz. If I had been quicker-”

You shook your head frantically and whimpered, “You were just in time.” 

He hummed quietly, hand cradling the nape of your neck as he murmured little soothing words against your hair. You don’t know how long you stood there like that but eventually, your limbs started to ache from the position. When you pulled away from him, he put you down gently but didn’t let you retreat fully, hands cupping your face tenderly while he wiped away your tears. 

“I don’t enjoy seeing you cry like this,” he sighed. 

Something about that triggered that subdued anger in the back of your mind, waking the beast from slumber. Anger was easier to handle than sadness. How dare he stand here and comfort you, hold you like this, when hours ago he couldn’t even look you in the eye! 

Nose wrinkling in frustration, you stepped back and wrapped your arms around yourself as the lack of his warmth hit hard. The hurt that passed through his eyes nearly made you collapse back into his arms but you knew you couldn’t- not yet, not until you had answers. 

“Why?” you finally asked.

“Why, wha-”

“Why did you act like I didn’t exist? I spent the last two months driving myself fucking crazy, pining over you and what could have been, only to get treated like I was nothing more than dirt on your boot the next time I saw you!”

He tried to talk but you cut him off swiftly. No way were you done with him. Shoving a finger into his oh-so-glorious pec, you stepped closer with all the rage you could muster in your glare. In another light, it probably would have been hilarious to see someone of your short stature intimidating the giant man.

“If I was just some fucking notch in your bedpost, you could have said that! You didn’t have to act like there was something more. You have to know how hot you are. I would have fucked you even without you tricking me like that. But no, you had to make me feel special, make it feel like there was more than just my body on the line, and then you have the nerve to get mad at me for seeking out platonic companionship in my teammates?! You dare claim that I’m yours?! No, no, you don’t get to do that!”

The instant your rant ended, one hand cupped the back of your head and the other shoved you back against the wall, the impact cushioned by his hand before he boxed you in on either side. And fuck, you shouldn’t have found that hot but god it was. The way he instinctively protected you, acted like he cared, towered over you in a way that just screamed dominance and power.

“Don’t you dare say those things. There hasn’t been one moment that I haven’t thought about you, that I wasn’t looking out for you from afar, mein schatz,” he said sternly.

“Then why-”

“Because I couldn’t risk anyone figuring out what had happened between us!” he snapped with a huff, “If anyone knew you had stayed with me willingly, your life would be in danger, and I knew if I spoke to you, I would break. How could I not? I’m only so strong, meine liebe. Did you really think it was easy for me to do that? That I didn’t want to scoop you up in my arms the moment you walked through that door? That it didn’t break my heart when I watched the hope leave your eyes?! I hated myself every- single- second.” 

Swallowing hard, you couldn’t force out any kind of answer. Distrust held your heart in a stronghold but his words were slowly chipping it away, the passion in his voice worming its way under your skin. 

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You don’t even understand. Scheiße, I put so much time and effort into finally meeting you, and then somehow… somehow, I lucked out. I  got a taste of what I’d wanted for so long,” he paused, thumb gently stroking that sweet spot below your ear as his eyes searched your face, “And it was more than I could have ever hoped for, only to have you ripped away at the last moment.”

His words settled heavily around you and, as their significance soaked into your brain, you could only stare at him in confusion. He… had known of you before you met? You knew they’d gathered intel on your team before the attack, but… he'd seen enough to want to see you?

“What do you mean?” you asked softly. 

His silence was loud, louder than you could handle and the guilt in his eyes sent a shiver up your spine.

“König,” you urged, “What- What do you mean?” 

German spewed suddenly from his lips, angry and frantic as he began to pace in place, and it only served to make that anxiety nestle deeper in your belly.  

“Damn it! Talk to me!” you cried. 

When he spun around, you tripped over yourself in shock trying to back away from the fury in his glare. Fortunately, or possibly unfortunately, he caught you before you could actually fall, but he didn’t let you go even once you were balanced.

“There’s no way to make this sound good,” he breathed quietly. 

Eyebrows shooting up in disbelief, you retorted, “Yeah, well, it can’t be worse than leaving me guessing at all the horrible things you could mean!” 

“I need you to promise me you won’t run, that you’ll let me explain.” 

While you wanted to hear him out, you weren’t sure how well you would handle whatever it was. There was also the issue of your dead teammate less than five meters away. Everything in your heart and mind was torn into a million little pieces of focus and it was all too much. You had to pick one problem at a time to deal with.  

Looking over at Daniel’s still form, you pressed your lips into a thin line. 

“What the hell do we do about him?” you asked. 

You weren’t lying earlier when you said you were worried for König. He had a lot of power, but straight up murdering one of Graves’ men out of battle and, even worse while allied, was beyond reason. That was a death sentence. 

König froze up, almost as if he’d forgotten about the whole reason you were there, and let out a heavy sigh. 

“I’ll call it in and have Horangi take care of it,” he muttered, “For now, come back to my room with me. Everyone should be out right now.” 

Why did that sound so inviting, so perfect? Fantasies of being able to touch him again, cuddle with him once more, plagued your thoughts until the weight of his admission came crashing back down. You couldn’t help but stare at him as his words reverberated in your head. It was clearer than ever that you knew nothing about this man, and yet you couldn't stop the way your heart fluttered when he slipped his fingers between yours, nor the way you felt content in following him out of the alley. Despite it all, under the fear and the uncertainty, that fatal attraction to him was still burning strong. When he wrapped his arm around you and slipped you under his jacket to protect you against the blustering winds, it felt too much like home. 

Just what the fuck were you supposed to do now?

#könig #könig x reader #könig cod #cod fanfic #könig fanfiction

[jaskierx]

After being subjected to the canyons utter dismissal of anything Izzy did in s1 I honestly started to feel like I’d been misinterpreting the show. The confrontation between Izzy and Ed in s1ep10 is boiled down to Izzy just “saying some mean things”. Izzy’s controlling and shitty behavior is just him being protective and in love with Ed and it’s actually so tragic that Ed would dismiss Iz like that, guys. Take after take, I began to wonder if maybe I’d blown things out of proportion. Maybe he wasn’t that bad.

But then the gears in the logical part of my brain start turning and I remember why framing Izzy in that light is so frustratingly shitty. Like, okay. We all get that Ed isn’t an evil monster for killing his dad. It was a direct response to feeling threatened after suffering and witnessing his fathers abuse. We can all agree on that. So why is it different when Ed has a similar reaction to Izzy threatening him? Why is it okay for Izzy to berate and mock and tell Ed he was better off dead? Izzy displayed controlling and honestly abusive behavior in season 1. Ed was fighting back against his abuser when he killed Father Teach, and we got that. But suddenly that isn’t the case when he fights back against Izzy? I’m so tired of people acting like mental abuse isn’t as valid as physical. That it was only mean words, and that Izzy did everything out of love.

Homophobic parents can be controlling and abusive “out of love”. They think they’re protecting you. That doesn’t absolve them of their shitty behavior. That doesn’t change the fact that their actions are harmful. The same should be said for Izzy. Ed was mentally tormented by that man‼️ For people to dismiss that and act like abuse can only ever be physical is so disheartening. I’ve suffered both. One is not necessarily worse than the other. It feels so invalidating…I want to engage with fans and talk about this because I feel like it’s important, but if I had anyone argue with me about it I think I’d explode into a pile of silly string. It sucks that this is the state of the fandom 😭

yep people will absolutely bend over backwards to view all of izzy's actions in the best possible light. they give him the benefit of the doubt, they full on make shit up that 'must have' happened offscreen, they rationalise his abuse of ed in a hundred different ways. 'it was for ed's own good' 'he was trying to protect the crew' 'ed was going to get everybody killed' etc

(and often when they post about this it's really telling about their attitudes to stede being femme/gnc - i've seen too many posts along the lines of 'izzy needed to stage an intervention for ed, the talent show was the last in a long line of batshit things he'd been doing because he was obsessed with some ponce')

as many people in this fandom have already pointed out, it's like the canyon thinks that a white guy can say whatever the fuck he wants regardless of how threatening or abusive it is, but the moment the brown guy he's saying it to dares to retaliate to protect himself, he's an abuser and he's completely unjustified and etc etc

i resent being called an abuse apologist by the same people on this website who will unironically post takes like 'izzy wasn't abusive to ed because he wasn't trying to hurt him, he was acting in ed's best interests, ed forced his hand' (sound familiar?) or 'if izzy is so abusive then how come he tried to get ed out before the navy got there' (idk bestie maybe he could've tried not selling the crew out at all? maybe if he really did care about ed he wouldn't try to get his partner killed?)

#the izcourse #asks #anon #cw abuse #izzy critical

[correctproseka]

Not sure if i made this post before but these days half my brain is reserved for Proseka and the other half for Percy Jackson so here we go:

The characters and who would be their godly parents at camp half blood, updated weekly along the episodes, here's Leo/Need.

----

Ichika: she would be greek, daughter of Thanatos, the god of death (not like Hades, Thanatos actively is the god that takes people out of the world of living). She uses an emo sword like Nico's. I feel like she can sense when people she cares about are close to dying.

Saki: also greek, daughter of Apollo, god of the sun, health, archery, music, art, disease, and many others. She would probably use a dagger to fight. Her powers include: healing (of others, not herself), and barely light manipulation. She got the low side of being an Apollo child, cursed with bad health for a while.

Yes Ichika is a Thanatos child to contrast with Saki, they are solangelo to me ok

Honami: roman demigod, child of Ceres (goddess of plants and agriculture. Fighting with a bow, though, like all roman demigods, she knows how to use a sword. Her powers include being good with plants tbh, she can make them grow faster and fruits tastier.

Shiho: another roman demigod, Pluto, he's the god of the underworld, and more on the roman side, wealth and gems (in roman logic, these are found underground so its on his domain). Shiho has a sword (like her valentine's card) and can control the shadows/shadow travel, make gems appear and she never runs out of cash, for some reason she will always find it when needed.

----

They were childhood friends, but the childhood of a demigod slowly broke them apart. Shiho was the first to disappear (which also made Shizuku depressed, will explain it on the mmj update) after a monster attack (due to being a Big Three child) going to the camp jupiter at around 6 years old.

Honami went the next year, when she got called on a dream.

Saki was next, because she was extremely sick and would die without the medicine and powers of an Apollo kid at camp (she's immune to the heals of other Apollo kids, also part of her curse), around 9/10, her mom/the Tenmas did know about it all already because Apollo felt bad at what Saki inherited.

Ichika was the last one, after a monster attack she lived on the streets for a while at 12yo, before finding camp half blood with the help of a satyr.

They only re-encountered when they were 15/16, and both camps found out about the other.

----

... Yes I have a whole Au done what about it.

#project sekai #proseka #prosekai #colorful stage #pjsekai #puroseka #leo/need #percy jackson #percy jackson au #saki tenma #ichika hoshino #honami mochizuki #shiho hinomori

[fierceawakening]

So somehow I ended up with a post from one of the rationalist types I'd eventually blocked and man... it's interesting to look back at what they have to say after having curated it away for a while.

Because at the time I was arguing with them, I felt like it was really important to figure out the flaw in their logic and prove it, and now I just feel like... it's such a profoundly different way of thinking from my own that... it's not that I'm saying "stay in your echo chamber, it's not worth it to consider other ways of seeing things," but it is that... "that's an interesting way of seeing things in the abstract, but it's too foreign to me for me to use it to make any policy recommendations. I wouldn't know where to even begin."

The issue at hand was guns, and the person was basically saying that in order to have an opinion on gun control you'd need to demonstrate basic understanding of the mechanics of how guns work, including specifics about the AR-15 if that's the gun you deem most in need of regulating.

Basically, the argument was "I wouldn't be a good person to opine on infrastructure policy if I'd never studied how bridges work. The people deciding policy about guns should be the people with the intense special interest in them."

The OP attributed why this isn't the case, why so many people who are vocal about wanting gun control are clueless on how guns work, to a strange moralization of disgust. They shouldn't be grossed out by the gun. They should study and examine and think about the gun, in a dispassionate way.

And this is where they lost me.

At the time I was arguing with it, "does empathy matter for morality" was the animating discussion I was having with these people. And they were saying that no, it doesn't, it's all emotiony and reckless and all that weird lizard brain junk makes people fearful and reactive, not good.

Where the thing they're glossing as "weird disgust at a machine" Is, very often, "horrible memories of someone using that machine to induce the worst trauma of my entire life."

Yes, they care about the machine. But they don't care about it in a nerdy kind of, "is this the best machine for the goal of killing my best buddy in homeroom?" kind of way. They care about it in "when the person pointed that at my best buddy in homeroom THEY DIED" kind of way.

It's not... right... to just gloss over that as disgust, I don't think. It misses that what people are reacting to aren't just DISGUSTING acts (though they are that), but profoundly and fundamentally IMMORAL ones.

Is an AR-15 immoral? Not any more than a cross is that someone has set on fire.

But if someone has set a cross on fire, it's LIKELY that they mean for their action to be interpreted in a particular way that IS immoral.

Which is what people think you're doing when you wear your rifle someplace random. "I know that this has been and will continue to be used to slaughter the innocent. I'm wearing it precisely because that makes me look badass."

Is that what those protesters actually mean? Not necessarily (though I think the Three Percenter types probably do, sorry not sorry.) But it's reasonable for people to see it that way.

Which I think is the whole reason I was defending empathy as a part of morality anyway. Whatever the specifics, moral emotion isn't something that's just tacked on to morality I don't think. We're social, so actions carry meaning.

When we do actions that we know frighten or horrify others to make a point, we're not ALWAYS assuming they'll be neutral observers or that they'll have an exposure therapy that wasn't so bad experience seeing us.

Sometimes, we're FUNDAMENTALLY BANKING on the idea that they won't.

And that's a bit mean, hence me (perhaps overly) recommending empathy as a point against doing that.

[tia-222]

hi love <333

im trying to entering the void before school starts amd im very very excited for when i enter, and i feel filled with motivation because i want to come to school as a fresh and new person whos living their dream like, because last year i was so miserable. and im so excited for eveeryone to see the new me

ive been very motivated, however a part of me gets really nervous. my logical brain cant believe that i can get everything i want at once, and it dosent help that i never find any proof of anyone and their desires happening, and i know only i can make myself believe but i get scared sometimes that it isnt actually real yk?

Hii Hun <3

Let's talk about the " Proof " Part , First.

What happens is that , when you say " I never find any proof of anyone and their desires happening" that's what your mind will show you, Hun. It's what you tell yourself and your mind. Stop putting awareness that you can never find any proof. Start putting your awareness on " there's tons of proof of people Manifesting their desires ". Soon your RAS ( Reticular activating system) will begin to look for proof . Then you'll start seeing your timelines being filled with success stories and you'll start getting motivated.

You know what , Hun this reminds of an energy experiment, I did a few years ago. Yep, it was by Pam grout. I read her book and this one experiment was a 48 hour one. It stated whatever you put your Focus/Thoughts/Awareness , your Brain will begin to show the exact thing. And within 48 Hours, I saw my desired object that I choose ( A tennis ball🎾).

Let me quote some lines from the book <3 :

" At the base of the brain stem, about the size of a gumdrop, is a group of cells whose job is to sort and evaluate incoming data. This control center, known as the reticular activating system (RAS), has the job of sending what it thinks is urgent to the active part of the brain and to steer the nonurgent stuff to the back. But as it’s organizing, it’s also busy interpreting, drawing inferences, and filtering out anything that doesn’t jibe with what we believe.

In other words, we rehearse ahead of time the world we want to see. Too bad we all picked up the wrong script.

This simple, 48-hour experiment will prove that what you see in life is none other than what you look for. It will also prove that it’s possible to find anything you look for. And most important, it will prove that by changing what you look for, you can radically change what shows up in your world."

So Hun, all you need to do is tell yourself/Mind/subconscious is that " I always see proof of Manifestations". And within Hours you will see proof , everything is about what you tell yourself. Watch your thoughts and change your inner world. By noticing and stooping thoughts that are Intrusive and that make you doubt, that's when they start to lose momentum. And within days they'll be gone.

I hope this helped you a lot, sending hugs, love .

#void state #ask answered #law of assumption #void state tips #anon ask #the void state #manifestion #void thoughts #neville goddard #affirm and persist #reprogramming subconscious #Subconscious #energy experiments

[this-acuteneurosis]

I kind of want to get you started on mind tricks. cause like weak minded to strong minded dynamic and the blur away, but also the sith back in the day were for SURE a Caste system of force sensitive rulers and non force sensitives, and the jedi were their ENEMY off and on for thousands of years, cultural bleed through and dynamics of their own power systems but Ben we are not the droids you are looking for go away so I dont have to kill you, versus Qui hey I want this thing trade it for me.

Alright, Oct anon, it's been a while, but I have not forgotten you definitely forgot this ask in my drafts for who even knows how many months but it's found again, whoo!

It's taken me a while to get this together partly to try and arrange my thoughts in a logical order but also...

Guys, I really, really care about the use of agency in stories. Like, I've ranted about it in relation to droids, I've explained some of my problems with it in the context of the thematic changes between the OT and the PT, I stew over it constantly in my brain, it's a central theme of many of my own stories (including DLB).

I really don't like mind control, and not just in Star Wars.

Now, just because I don't like a thing doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in story telling. As a device, mind control/manipulation can be useful or important to a plot. To a theme. Overcoming it can be powerful or cool (Ella Enchanted-I prefer the novel personally, Tanjiro in Demon Slayer: Mugen Train), watching someone succumb to it can be agonizing (Frodo in Return of the King, anyone? Princess Euphemia in Code Geass?).

So, what is the point of Mind Tricks (and that naming choice, "trick," making it sound almost...harmless) in the Star Wars story, and maybe in the universe?

I feel like in its initial reveal, the mind trick was supposed to a) convey how "magical" Jedi were and b) get the plot from point A to B. Obi-Wan waves his hand, someone believes something hideously untrue, move along move along, don't think about it too hard.

Like, literally, audience, please. Don't.

Luke uses it in RotJ for pretty much the same reason. To convery a) Luke is well on his way to being a "magical" Jedi now (oh but wait, there's more character growth he needs!), and b) Luke needs to get into Jabba's palace and why would they let him in? Because he says so, so we will take him to Jabba now. Move along, move along.

I don't like the implications of this power existing, and as an adult who has been in situation where I have to report to higher powers, the disregard of the consequences of these things are a bit darker if I look too closely, but like...move along, I guess. It's fine as long as we're only using these powers on space nazis and slavers. Right?

Except then we get more movies. And cartoons. It's fine if Obi-Wan mind controls a person into not smoking, right? Smoking is Bad and Obi-Wan is Good.

Only.

Only...

Who taught Obi-Wan to use mind tricks?

Ah yes, my old nemesis.

To all you Qui-Gon fans out there, you may wanna leave. This analysis is probably not for you.

So like, Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon "I'm friends with the current Chancellor and thus an obvious, notable representative of the Jedi Order but I don't get along with my higher ups" Jinn. The thing you have to understand about my opinion of him is that, as a young, first time watcher of TPM, I liked him. He was funny, irreverent, direct. He was wise, or at least seemed to know things no one else did. He was a maverick, ready to go against all orders and advice for what he knew was right. And everyone around him was just stuffy and uninformed.

And to be fair, he wasn't wrong about everything. He's set up to be sympathetic. He's trying to treat with the gungans and they won't listen? Well he and Obi-Wan are right, the Trade Federation does go for the gungans. The Order says there are no Sith? Oops, wrong on that one. The Council makes the ambiguous assertion Anakin is "too old" to train. We've seen the OT. We know "too old" is nonsense.

But like, what does Qui-Gon do when he's thwarted?

He takes away people's agency.

Oh, you don't want to help us, Boss Nass, political leader? Cool, well I'm gonna undermine you in front of your entire court and you're gonna give us a whole ship (that we won't return) to help us defend a people you've been in an active war with for centuries. Oh, my currency doesn't work on this planet? I think it will mister small time junk dealer with a gambling problem (jokes on you for that one, sir).

This to me is a huge red flag in a story that is about literal slaves. I know people will defend the above examples. It was necessary. There were lives at stake.

You wanna know who would have suffered if Qui-Gon had been able to con Watto out of that part?

Anakin and Shmi.

Worthless (or event mostly worthless) currency on a planet where you have to buy water is literal death under the right circumstances. And who do you think Watto's going to reduce rations on. He's got cash flow problems? What's the quickest way for him to make back what he just lost? I'll give you a hint, he gambles on them later in the exact same movie.

So like, well before we get to "weak minded" or anything dubious like that, there's this awkward question of, "Why are the good guys always using powers to make people do things? And not worried about the consequences?"

And like, if we go back to simple story narratives, and trying to move things from point A to point B, that's fine I guess. I enjoy the OT. I'll move along.

But if you ask me to stop and think about it.

Well...

#my soapbox meta #agency #this is without even touching on things like #Anakin accidentally-on purpose?-mind tricking Padmé theories #or like #dubious racial/class implications #teaching this skill to ~~~children~~~ #so many other things

[thegeminisage]

ok, now that i've watched all of tos (none of the movies yet...) i am going to do the top ten worst and best episodes, according to Me. they are as follows:

WORST EPISODES

10. the savage curtain - idk who thought putting abe lincoln in a cage match with the vulcan version of ghandi against like, ghengis khan and space hitler would be a good idea. but it wasn't. i did like seeing the vulcan father of logic though like "im gonna go sacrifice myself for peace" ok king

9. i, mudd - all of the mudd episodes are bad. he's not charming at all whatsoever. however, this one is better than the other one because uhura gets to pretend to sell out kirk and they're SOOO cute about it. her little giggle when he PICKS HER UP BY HER SHOULDERS and tells her how proud he is. PLEEEEASE

8. charlie x - the entire premise of this episode is that the bad guy is just autistic. and then they make him live on a planet without people because he can't adjust to normal life ???

7. shore leave - obvious racism of this episode aside, the faux-irish jig that played while kirk was being menaced by his extremely unfunny old bully nearly drove me over the edge. we DO love a good mccoy death fakeout tho

6. a piece of the action - if i had any interest in gangster films before this it's all gone now. that being said. i loved when kirk drove the little car. he was so bad at it. he was so happy.

5. mudd's women - like he's literally just selling women?? and the plot twist is that secretly they're ugly?????

4. who mourns for adonias - this is just "what if ALIENS build the pyramids bro" except for the 1960s. nail in the coffin for this one was kirk proudly declaring they didn't needs gods - because they already had the One God, thank you very much!

3. the paradise syndrome - WHY WOULD YOU HAVE NATIVE AMERICANS MISTAKE KIRK FOR GOD. WHY. like i know why but Why. i think the very worst part of this episode was that it had an amnesia plot that would have FUCKED if you had simply removed the people. if there hadn't been people in this it would've been in my top 10 episodes. i think this broke me.

2. the omega glory - this is the same as the last episode except there's no amnesia, and also the "native americans" are white cosplayers who worship the american flag and mistake kirk for god because he can recite the pledge of allegiance yes really. if i had a nickel for every time this happened i'd only have two nickels etc etc at least kirk didn't knock anybody up in this one ig

1. patterns of force - why would you make your two jewish leads wear swastikas and then literally be whipped by nazis. i know he's such a bad person but not even william shatner deserves that. number one worst episode everyone says it's omega glory but it's this one

BEST EPISODES

10. plato's stepchildren - this episode is hard to rank because like it's both good and bad. the torture scenes were genuinely upsetting, especially the ones at the end w/ spock & nurse chapel, because they weren't just violence being inflicted on tied up guys, but they were SUPPOSED to be upsetting, like it was literally the point. and also this episode bears the distinction of THEEE kirk & uhura kiss. literally historic.

9. the trouble with tribbles - i feel like everyone's heard of this but it really is as good as everyone says. sometimes 1960s humor doesn't translate to 2020s humor but it was genuinely hysterical start to finish. also, the distinct trilling sound was so imprinted in my brain i recognized it in the 2009 movie where i had never registered it before.

8. the naked time - aside from the KING SHIT george takei pulled with the fencing this episode also contains the "i am in control of my emotions [sobbing]" moment and kirk & spock LITERALLY having a slapfight. this episode has everything. an absolute masterpiece

7. the empath - i feel like this paired with "the world is hollow and i have touched the sky" really made me a Bones Understander. i feel a little bad about that bc everyone says the characterizations in s3, or actually that the season as a whole, is kinda shaky? but i watched without knowing that and i feel like i Get It now. also, this was the only score i went and relistened to on spotify

6. tholian web - the spock & mccoy episode ever. there's so many things to say about this from the death fakeout to kirk's little space suit but what TRULY got me was the instant and totally nonverbal agreement to lie straight to kirk's face to both preserve personal dignity and troll the shit out of him (while chekov and sulu are like also silently laughing as they listen in no less). what this episode made me realize was that it's a good thing they argue all the time and make kirk play referee because if they were on the same side kirk wouldn't stand a chance. like he'd be finished.

5. the city on the edge of forever - ok, so, this episode made me feel like i was having a mental break. the time travel. spock's little hat. when he watches kirk kiss edith and then goes back into their room to pretend he didn't see anything. mccoy and kirk basically hugging at the end when edith bites it.

4. requiem for methuselah - the first time i watched this i was kinda like :/ because how does kirk fall in love with a woman in FOUR HOURS? that aside the ending scene blew my tits clean off. i paced around my house for like 30 minutes going "what the FUCK was that" because i couldn't simply lie down and sleep after seeing it. rewatching the episode with uh. new context made me like it a little better. but even if it had been garbage the last scene shook me so thoroughly it would still need to be on this list. i'm getting wound up just thinking about it. number one most shocking tos moment.

3. the dagger of the mind - look, i understand that this episode was technically just run-of-the-mill stuff as far as everybody else is concerned but they put james t kirk in a little brainwashing machine. and the machine was shaped like a chair. and it gives people amnesia sometimes. i don't know how i'm expected to behave normally

2. this side of paradise - this is the episode where a flower jizzes on spock and gives him feelings. and look: it's really funny, and there's a lot to love about it. but the ending where kirk hurls verbal abuse at spock for a solid 92 seconds WITHOUT STOPPING followed by: spock beating the shit out of him until he gets his logic back. i have rewatched this perhaps 1,000 times at minimum. what the fuck were they doing

1. conscience of the king - this episode got me into this mess. i don't think i can elaborate further without significant self-incrimination. let's just say what happened was i thought "oh i'll just watch this one tos episode for context for the fanfiction" and one month later i'm writing fic about [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

ok, that's my list. i thought about doing honorable mentions for episodes that had scenes i liked even though the overall episode didn't make it into my top 10. but then i realized that would mean recapping basically the entire series and this post is already too long. i do have to give the pon farr episode a shoutout though because even though so much of it was offputting there was literally a titty window in kirk's shirt. like, it's the pon farr episode. ok NOW i'm done

#personal #star trek blogging #i feel like if i hadn't wanted people to dox that fic i could've been blogging about this all along #in some ways it was more fun to keep a lid on it but i will miss having a record of my live first impressions that i can relive later...... #hence a list. and also a spreadsheet but i just made it for me and cathy it would be incomprehensible to the general public #if anyone wants an ACTUAL skip/watch list for tos hit me up #i'll clean up the one i have to match the spn one lol #tos lb #liz's star trek stuff #liz's meta #kinda.

[butchdykeorpheus]

writing a meta post about taissa turner and taissa/van and taissa/simone that other people have probably talked about more intelligently than i have but i have Yellowjackets Disease (mental illness) (incurable) and i need to exorcise this from my brain. i just spent 15m pacing the room writing this out in my head. i'm obsessed with her. anyway

taissa turner THE lesbian icon i love her SO much and i can't stop thinking about her fractured selves. we already see from s2 previews and the shots of taissa and her out-of-sync reflection that this is only going to become more extreme as s2 goes on but right from early season 1 taissa is constantly at war with herself in a very extreme way and reconciling these two sides of herself is going to be a major part of her arc

s1 flashbacks to taissa's childhood in the 80s show us that she was traumatised from a pretty young age by witnessing her deeply religious grandmother being tormented by horrific visions of the "eyeless man", and i think you can draw a direct line between that and taissa's personality and attitudes in 1996: teenage taissa is a relentless type A personality, unyieldingly ambitious and Always In Control. not only that, but it's notable that she is the most vocally sceptical of all the yellowjackets when it comes to the superstitions and beliefs the other girls (spearheaded by lottie, who quickly seems to be becoming tai's biggest rival at the cabin) are developing about the wilderness. for taissa, there's always a logical explanation. there HAS to be. and she HAS to take the lead and guide the others by example through the entire harrowing experience, to be The Strong One (i'm sure there's also connection there between that and the stereotype of the Strong Black Woman but i'm not in a position to make that point in any eloquent way)

of course, taissa is terrified. and on some level, she too can't help but wonder if there's Something Else Out There With Them. but acknowledging any of that isn't an option for her, except in extreme circumstances (when van is in mortal danger). she especially cannot acknowledge any shred of doubt, of belief, around whatever might be out there in the woods. around what lottie and her burgeoning cult believe in

i think taissa is painfully aware - and deathly afraid - of what her grandmother saw, and that it might be hereditary. taissa knows that her family has a history of mental illness and that on some level she's also vulnerable to that. so: she can't ever acknowledge that something may be happening in the wilderness that she cannot comprehend or understand. taissa needs to believe in facts, logic, what she can see and feel. taissa cannot believe in "bad feelings", spirits, or ghosts. to open herself up to that for even a second would risk inviting in that thing that tormented her grandmother

so she quashes that part of herself aggressively, crushes it down and shoves it into a corner in the back of her brain. her stress, her fear, her doubt. but of course it doesn't work like that. you can't just lock your emotional and mental issues in a box in your mind and expect that to work. in her desperation to stay In Control, she's fractured herself, and that repressed terror and stress has no choice but to manifest in her sleep: sleepwalking, pica, hallucinations

it's so significant that in 2x02 this week we explicitly saw taissa, whilst sleepwalking, following the same eyeless man seen by her grandmother, almost to her death. regardless of whether or not he's an actual supernatural entity (and so far i really like the way yellowjackets maintains that ambiguity, and i hope they keep it that way), he represents taissa's terror of that hereditary "frailty", that it is inevitable, that it will destroy her

we already know that adult taissa also sees the eyeless man, among other hallucinations. adult tai is very much like her teenage self, only worse after years and years of repressing her teenage trauma, to the point where on some level she seems to believe in the same ritualistic practices she actively scoffed at when she was younger (at least enough to commit ritualistic animal sacrifice in her fucking sleep) - again, the fracturing of her self growing increasingly severe. the fact that during her press conference in s1 she sees the eyeless man lurking at the edge of the crowd and barely even skips a beat, that she continues to smile and deliver her political speech as if he isn't there - as if she's used to ignoring his lurking - shows how tenuous her grip on total control is becoming the harder she clings. but this is how taissa has always coped, right from her youth: You Get On With It. we clearly see her dismissive attitude towards mental health support and psychologists when discussing sammy; when simone is (rightfully so!) concerned about sammy's loneliness and stress, taissa doesn't see an issue, or at least doesn't want to acknowledge one. she's been lonely and high strung for a very long time - this is normal for her! and look at taissa. she's doing just fine!!! 🙃

only in her vulnerable moment with shauna, one of the few people in the world who can understand, does she admit that she feels like she's going through the motions of normality: that despite doing everything she'd planned (going to college, dating a lot of beautiful women, becoming a lawyer) as if her stint in the wilderness were only a minor speedbump in the road of her life, sometimes it "still doesn't feel real"

this is also where tai and shauna's conversation about feeling "it" happens, and where van and simone come in. despite how i think some people have interpreted that conversation, taissa clearly really loves simone. "it" is young reckless love, that wild, whirlwind, all-consuming teenage attraction (not even necessarily love - i really do not think shauna felt any deep love for adam - but this isn't a shauna post lol). "it" is the love tai shared with van. what she has with simone is a different, more mature and settled kind of love you feel after years and years of building a comfortable life with someone. it doesn't make her feel "it", the butterflies-in-your-stomach, the excitement. but it provides stability, comfort, and that's not inherently lesser. for taissa, it's definitely "safer". the issue here, and what i think is going to become a key theme of the relationship between adult taissa and adult van, is that taissa's relationships with simone and van speak to different sides of her fractured self

tai's relationship with simone is normalcy and stability - she's the Very Deeply Normal Life that adult taissa is living in the start of season 1, the flourishing career in law and politics, the wife and kid and dog and the picket fence. simone is a well-adjusted, grounding, dependable presence in taissa's life. even now - with their relationship on the rocks and simone needing to prioritise the safety of their young son (which! understandable!! taissa put a severed dog head in their basement!!!) - simone wants taissa to get help so she can be a part of sammy's life, and she's been trying to get through to taissa and convince her to seek help since season 1. it can be easy to see simone's current attitude towards taissa as harsh, and i've seen people compare simone's fear of taissa's issues unfavourably with van's acceptance of taissa's strange sleepwalking behaviour, but a) the stakes are different (again, they have a young son to think of), b) simone presented her ultimatum (seek help and quit politics or i cannot let you near our son) specifically after seeing taissa's mental health deteriorate from the stress of her political ambitions and multiple times encouraging taissa to please i am begging you see a therapist, and c) as far as we know teenage taissa has yet to, like, commit any ritualistic animal murders in her sleep lmao. that said, there's a part of taissa that simone simply Cannot Truly Understand, and taissa clearly doesn't want her to

tai's relationship with van on the other hand represents not only that intense teenage love, but the wilder, more unpredictable side of taissa that's inextricably tied to her teenage trauma. taissa and van have a very real love in spite of the horrific circumstances they've landed in and van can understand that wild, traumatised side of taissa's self in a way that a well-adjusted person like simone never can, because van survived the wilderness too. but that also makes her dangerous for taissa's very delicate psychological balancing act. around van, taissa can't maintain the veneer of normalcy and stability she managed to maintain - van sees right through that bullshit, she was there, taissa can't lie to her. we haven't seen adult van yet so it's not clear exactly what their adult dynamic will be or how exactly van has been impacted by the wilderness in the long term, but teen van, at least, has one foot in lottie's camp: she believes in the "bullshit" taissa refuses to consciously consider and is trying to convince taissa to believe in lottie too, and we already know how that is going to turn out for them. van is providing all the emotional support she can and trying so hard to protect taissa in the wilderness, even willing to tie herself to taissa while they sleep at the risk of injury to keep her safe, but she's also tempting taissa towards the other, unthinkable extreme: accepting that there are things out there in the wilderness that tai can't understand and therefore can't control; submitting herself to lottie's brand of spiritualism. if i have to guess, i think the biggest reason that adult taissa is no longer with adult van is that they'll always have the wilderness, and the actions one or both of them committed as part of lottie's cult, between them, and taissa couldn't cope with that. and i'm assuming adult van is likely still dealing with mental health issues of her own, so taissa can't necessarily lean on van for stability the way she wants to

ultimately neither of these extremes are entirely healthy for taissa. she can't pretend that nothing is happening and expect to have a totally normal, controlled life, anymore than she can allow herself to fully lose control and embrace lottie's style of cultic practice or be tormented like her grandmother. tl;dr Get This Bich A Therapist but also she'll need to reconcile both sides of herself and accept that there are some things she cannot control if she ever hopes to have the stable life she wants. and based on the trajectory of this show i think taissa's general mental state is going to get far, far worse before it gets better

i know some people are apprehensive about a van/tai/simone love triangle or drama but honestly as long as no one here is vilified i think it could be REALLY interesting. the issue isn't even specifically van or simone - simone truly wants to reach out to taissa and get her help and make their family work, and most likely tai and van could have a stable relationship if both are willing to seek help and talk about their history and what they're struggling with - but rather the way taissa interacts with them and her inability to accept in a healthy way the parts of herself that aren't fully in control

anyway i spent way too long writing this and probably still misspoke or missed something. my point is that if taissa turner has a million fans i am one of them. if taissa turner has ten fans i am one of them. if taissa turner has one fan then i am that one. if -

#im trying to practice converting all the wild ramblings in my brain into actual tangible words in general. hi #yellowjackets #taissa turner #gray.txt #yellowjackets spoilers

[riah-yorke-lex]

Spoilers for Sonic Prime, like all of it.

^^^^^^^^^^

Sonic has ADHD and Nine has autism.

I mean I know the regular headcanons for Sonic and Tails are already there, but hear me out.

Neurodivergent people have trouble communicating a lot of times and miscommunicate.

Btw I have both, so I’m just speaking from my own experience.

Both characters are flawed. Sonic has lost his entire home and friends. Nine never really had friends and prefers to be alone.

Anyone who wants to say Nine is a villain can leave my page.

It’s a kid’s show, and Nine is the second most important character. The writers won’t kill him off or make him pure evil. Sonic will make up with everyone and find ways to save everyone in the end. Sorry to ruin suspense, but it is a kids show. I’m not saying that means it can’t have awesome character arcs. (ATLA has awesome character arcs, betrayal and redemption + lots of dark elements, but none of the main characters DIED)

Nine will probably cause something bad to happen in his rage, constructing something dangerous with the shards or he’ll cause the entire council to come after him, or both. Nine might cause something bad to happen and then feel guilty and help Sonic. If sonic can find a solution that doesn’t destroy those living in the shatter spaces, then Nine would probably come around. I don’t think Sonic realizes the consequences of his actions.

And that’s just the thing. Sonic jumps into every situation without thinking it through, something which irritates everyone around him. Meanwhile, Nine is incredibly methodical and thoughtful in his approach. Nine is driven by LOGIC while Sonic is driven by EMOTIONS. Not to say Nine doesn’t have emotions and can’t lose control, as we will likely see in S3. However, it’s generally how their brains work.

Sonic is gullible and falls into lots of traps. He isn’t all that smart. He’s good at thinking on his feet, but he often doesn’t think before he leaps into something. Shadow did mention about how the people in the shatterspaces aren’t real or whatever. He means that if they just put the prism back together, all those variants will cease to exist since they are all just different parts of the originals. Sonic sees them as real people though, and wants to help them, but he also desperately wants his reality back. He doesn’t realize that Nine would likely cease to exist if he simply put the prisms together. This would devastate sonic if he found out.

Nine is very rational in his actions. He doesn’t feel he can trust anyone as he has been traumatized by the world he grew up on. He longs for a place of solitude, a place he can go to whenever he needs to be away from everyone. He’s rather sit in his own head with his inventions. He wants Sonic to join him here because Sonic is the first friend he ever had. He intentionally doesn’t tell Sonic everything, because he has thought this through. He hopes Sonic will see his side and see him as a real person and not just another version of Tails. Sonic has an issue of projecting his vision of Tails onto Nine. He does it because he misses Tails. I know Sonic, DOES respect Nine as his own person, but Nine does not understand that, and Sonic, not thinking before he speaks, says something hurtful. Nine can come across as selfish, but all he wants is a safe place. As a neurodivergent person, that is so relatable. Sonic’s safe place is Green Hill, and he wants its back. From what we know (although I’m sure they’ll find a solution where everyone can live, again, it’s a kids show), those two things cannot coexist. If Sonic realizes this, he’ll realize he has to sacrifice his shatterapace friends to get Green Hill back, and is that a good thing after all? Nine is scared for his life basically, as he might not exist anymore. It’s a very valid fear.

They didn’t communicate their needs to each other because they were in the middle of fighting the council and didn’t have time to think it through, plus Sonic is impatient and also bad at communicating.

Nine is NOT a villain. He’s a traumatized autistic kid who has trouble thinking with other people’s needs in mind. Sonic wants to help EVERYONE, even people he doesn’t like much like Dread and Shadow, but he doesn’t consider the wider consequences of his actions.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic prime #sonic #tails nine #nine #nine the fox #neurodiversity #autism #adhd #headcanon #theories #spoilers

[cringefaecompilation]

the last thing i want do to is bash c2. because then i'll end up sounding like those c1 purists that say "ugh c2 is all just pandering feel-good bullcrap for fandom-brained fic writers who hate conflict!"

but!

when faced with characters you can't put into nice little boxes of "good victim" and "bad victim", when faced with characters who are biased in ways that are objectively correct but not morally so, when faced with characters who have mental illnesses implied or all but outright stated that stretch beyond more easily digestible disorders such as depression or anxiety and high functioning autism (or as watered down, caricatured and made as non-offensive as possible to be palatable to fandom tropes as these disorders can be), when people have horrific coping mechanisms due to their trauma or act in selfish and downright mean ways because of it, people get nasty. the amount of backlash, the amount of vitriol, the amount of insisting that they're all "toxic, codependent and bound to kill each other" and "not a real family" bells hells is because they're grappling with things horribly out of their control and trying to stay true to themselves...

then yes, it's going to feel very uncomfortable when i see the millionth post on my dash talking about how horrible bell's hells are for not fitting into the cookie cutter "found family" (unlike the mighty nein) that the fandom's been shoving all of the campaigns into!

i see myself in characters that aren't perfect and cute and have fucking issues that aren't socially acceptable. they're not heartless or scary because they argue or have conflicting ideals. they're not bad people for falling back on what they know is wrong. the way people act about them you think they never communicate or apologize or have any positive interactions with each other! they're in the middle of an apocalypse! we don't need you to skim the wikipedia page for NPD so you can write up a hot take on these characters being pure evil because they're not acting logically when they could be permanently murdered!

and that's not to say that all of c2 was just a low-stakes infantile story that didn't mentally affect the characters. that's not to say there weren't people that insisted certain characters were horrible people for having trauma or read into all their actions with the worst possible faith (coughs. BEAU). that's not to say that the nein most likely than not also have personality disorders that get quashed into the background by the fandom. i dunno! maybe it's just intense fandom drift from canon source material that's making everyone act so cruel? probably!

but i am sick and tired of seeing people compare the two and say that the nein are perfect and bell's hells is moments from self destruction the second that one character so much as steps on the other's foot. especially as someone who sees myself in less conventional stories about coping with grief and trauma and the uncertainty it brings.

it makes me wonder, were there ever people hellbent insistent that the mighty nein were all horrible, irredeemable, shallow, stupid people and deserved to die?

#🍃 #critical role #critrole #bell's hells #the mighty nein

[crmsnmth]

That Old Dysphoric Waltz

Some days I hate my teeth I somehow become aware they're in my mouth and I can't stop running my tongue along the edges learning the mountain range of molars And they begin to hurt Because a look in the mirror says they are far to close togethor Clumped into one big coffee stained clump I want to pull them out Tie each one off with fishing line and finding someone to slam the door. Dentures seem like a great idea, but I don't have dental on state funded healthcare I can feel my gums throb from the toothbrush Sometimes spitting more blood then not into the sink clockwise down the drain

Some days I hate the clothes I wear I hate the way they sit on my body, folding over, sleeves riding up, I can feel the tag and I scratch at them and readjust spending far too much time fixing the clothes I have chosen to wear I want to burn them all and start over in a whole new style one that isn't monochrome and something a high school metal kid would wear Looking like I never learned how to grow up Without horror movie shirts and black jeans bandannas and scarves Still a teen with an aged body

Some days I hate the very skin I'm in Seeing all it's flaws and tears and scars Hating the contours made by sharp edges and spikes Despising the ink I thought so hard about before I committed it to flesh I get sickened by seeing the emancipated skin that's tight over visible bones and muscles that are much too small to provide any use Just the strings to an out of tune guitar With a bent neck, so the screws can't be fixed At least not with knowledge I have of such things So I'll just ignore each ache and pain I feel Until they go away, abandonment by ligaments Fingers much too long for praying Eyes half tilted and far away I never look as if I'm paying attention not that I am

Some days I hate the gender that I am the mirror lies to us every chance it gets I hate the shape of my body not seeing the movements felt staying behind doors, learning how to hide any fact like this we just don't talk about unless it's made in jest and in hate So keep your mouth shut and hate in silence Ridicule is avoided by anyone with heart And the confusion only makes things worth Hating your friends because they unknowingly hate part of you It's a pretty messed up way to go about your day Smile and wave, pretend the joke is just a joke And that secretly, everyone around isn't laughing anymore And the joke eventually becomes fear becomes isolation becomes alienation becomes annihilation Small town words spread like a fire in a dry pine forest

Some days I hate my brain Not making any sense And making thoughts that have no view The awkward panic and fear of rejection the need for abandonment and depression Living with chemicals rebuilt from time capsules from 1948 and whatever sedative we can find It's better than gray clothing and frosted glass I never really like a trilogy anyway And I've been on this hate before Letting the conflict of my right vs left battle Figure out what we're going to do today Fatty deposit of electricity That is constantly working to constantly Sabotage and end itself with bad ideas and even worse impulse control I couldn't tell you how to do better

Most days I love everything I am Everything I've stood for Everything I've done Even if I die right now, I have on hell of a story to share And I'll gladly whisper it to the worms Eternity won't be bad speaking to decay Death will wave his hand along my being And I'll talk his fucking ear off about all of my memories I love the face I wear, coffee stained teeth in all And every morning after a shower, I pick my favorite shirts and my comfortable jeans, proud of the hockey mask graphic I see my body and I'm happy it's still here, after all it's been And I see my gender right where it should be, even if the feelings towards my so-called friends don't But that just means my mind has morals and principles And is able to think through complex thought Finding logic and thought and emotion all ripping through it It's downright amazing to think about. It's okay to have bad days It gets better. It will always get better.

#writers and poets #poems on tumblr #original poem #poem #poems #poetry #poetblr #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #spilled writing #writing #my writing #spilled poetry #spilled emotions #spilled words #writers on tumblr #poets and writers #creative writing #writerscommunity #writerscorner #writer #poetry community #outlawpoetry #lawlesspoetry