#and that situations like this are complex in a lot of ways. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beatrice-otter · 2 days

Note

I’ll be honest, when one party’s aiding and abetting the genocide and the other’s outright gonna kill all my friends, I don’t really care if the fascists “win”. They’ve won already.

You know who would be delighted to hear that? Trump and Putin. The US far right and the Russian government have poured lots of time, effort, and money over the last decade+ into convincing US leftists and liberals that things are hopeless, there's no point in even trying to make things better, and the Democrats and Republicans are functionally interchangeable. They do this because one of the easiest ways for them to win is if the left gives up and stops trying. Every person on the left they can convince to give up in despair brings them closer to complete control. Defeatism on the left actively supports victory on the right.

I think your statement is wrong on a number of levels, both factual and emotional. It comes from not understanding what the actual options are for the US government and the President specifically, either at home or abroad. And it will allow actual fascism to flourish and make the world far worse than it is now.

On an emotional level, the way to address this is to stop doomscrolling. Stop focusing on the worst things happening in the world. Don't ignore them! but don't let them consume you. Start looking for the things that are going well. Find places in your community that you can get involved in making things better. Even if it's only on a small scale like volunteering in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, it will help you realize that you aren't helpless, that there are things that can be done to make the world a better place. Stay informed about things on a local, national, and international level, but limit how much time and attention you give to things that depress you that you can't affect. Instead of sitting there thinking about all the ways the world sucks and how awful things are, look for things you can do that are productive, and then do them. You'll feel better and you will have made your corner of the world a little better. And you will be a lot less likely to unintentionally fall into the despair, nihilism, and passivity that the fascists want you to be consumed by.

Always remember that the worlds problems are not resting solely on your shoulders, or solely on America's shoulders, and neither is the hope of fixing them. Everyone has things that we can do to make the world a better place, but there are also things that are beyond our control. We can control what we do; we cannot control what others do. We can and should try to make the world a better place, but focusing on the things we can't change has no positive benefits. Focusing on things we can't change accomplishes two things: it makes you feel bad, and it stops you from doing the things you actually can do to make things better. Neither of these things is good for you or anyone else. Look for things you can do and do them. Keep informed on the things you can't change, but don't focus on them.

On a factual level, let's look at "aiding and abetting genocide," shall we?

First, it's important to remember that the US President is not the God-Emperor Of The World. The US government has limits to what it can and can't do in other countries, and both legally and practically. If the US wants to intervene in a problem in another country, there are a variety of things we can do that boil down to basically four categories. It's a lot more complex than this in practice, of course, but in general here are the categories of things we can do:

Send in the troops. Invade, either by ourselves or as part of a NATO or UN operation. (Or maybe just send in a CIA wetworks team to assassinate the head of state.) I hope you can see the moral problems with this option, and also, we've done this a shitton of times over the course of the 20th Century and pretty much every time we've done it, we've made an already awful situation worse. On a moral level, it's pretty bad, and on a practical level, it's worse. Sure, we could stop the immediate problem, but what then? Consider Afghanistan and Iraq. We got rid of Saddam Hussein and the Taliban, and everything went to shit, we spent twenty years occupying Afghanistan with pretty much nothing to show for it. (The Taliban is back in control of Afghanistan.) Things were worse when we left than when we arrived. So this option is pretty much off the table (or should be).

Diplomatic pressure. Now, the thing is, they're a sovereign nation, they don't have to listen to us if they don't want to. We have a lot of things we can leverage--including financial aid--but the only way to force them to do what we want is to invade and conquer, and that only works temporarily. Since we can't force, we have to persuade. This requires us to maintain our existing relationship with the country in question, and possibly strengthen it, because that relationship is what we're leveraging to try and influence them to do what we want them to do. If we do not maintain our relationship, they have no reason to listen to us.

Cut ties and go home. Break off any existing relationship and support, loudly proclaim that they're awful and doing awful things and we wash our hands of the whole situation. This keeps our own hands lily-white and pure, but it also means we have zero leverage to work on any kind of a diplomatic solution. They have no reason to listen to us or care about what we think. We can pat ourselves on the back for doing the right thing, but we destroy our own ability to influence anything. Not just now, but also in the future. Let's say the current crisis ends, and then ten years later there's another crisis. If we want to have any effect then, we would have to start from square one to start building a relationship. Cutting ties would be great for making Americans feel better about ourselves, and there are times when it's the only option, but it should be a last resort. If there is any hope of being able to influence things for the better this will destroy it at least temporarily.

Cut ties and impose sanctions. Break off any existing relationship and support, loudly proclaim that they're awful and doing awful things, but also use the might of the American economy to isolate and punish them. We've done this a lot over the 20th Century, too, and it has never actually resulted in the country in question buckling down and toeing the line we want them to. What happens is the sanctioned country has an economic shock (how long it lasts and how bad it gets depends on a lot of factors) and then pulls themselves back together economically, except this time they're more self-sufficient and less reliant on international trade and financial networks. They tell themselves that America is evil and the cause of all their problems, and so not only do they not listen to us, they actively hate us. And they have fewer international relationships, so fewer reasons to care about what the international community thinks about them. So they're most likely to double down on whatever it is they're doing that we don't like. This one is completely counterproductive and utterly stupid. It's great for making Americans feel better about ourselves, but if we actually care about being able to use our influence for good (or, at least, to mitigate evil) this option shoots us in the foot. It encourages other nations to do the very thing we're trying to stop them from doing.

So, with those four options in mind, both option one (invasion/assassination) and option four (sanctions) are off the table for being immoral and counterproductive. That leaves "breaking our relationship and going home" and "using diplomatic pressure" as our only two viable options.

Biden has chosen option two, diplomatic pressure. Yes, he and our government have continued financial support for Israel ... but with strings attached. They have put limits on it that have never been put on any US foreign aid before. They have taken legal steps to lay the groundwork to target Israeli settlers (i.e. Israeli citizens who confiscate Palestinian homes and businesses). We've been hearing reports for months that Benjamin Netanyahu (Israeli Prime Minister, and a far-right-wing demagogue) hates Biden's guts, because Biden is pressuring him to stop the genocide and work towards peace. Biden is maintaining the relationship, and he's using that relationship to try and influence things to curb the violence and pave the way for a just peace settlement of some sort. Biden has also mentioned the possibility of a two state solution where Palestine becomes its own completely separate country. That's huge, because up until this point the US position has always been that Israel is the only possible legitimate nation in that territory. If Biden stopped US support for Israel, it wouldn't force Israel to stop what it's doing ... but it would let them ignore us. It would remove any leverage or influence we might have.

Biden's hands aren't clean. But the only way for them to be clean would be to also give up any chance of influencing the situation or working to protect Palestinians now or in the future. Only time will tell if it works, but I personally would rather have someone who tried and failed than someone who didn't even try. You might disagree about whether this is the right course of action, and there's a lot of room for honest disagreement about the issue (there's a lot of nuances that I'm glossing over or ignoring). But please do acknowledge that Biden isn't supporting Israel because he supports genocide; he's doing it so that he can continue to maintain diplomatic pressure on Israel to stop the violence.

Which brings us back to "aiding and abetting genocide." Trump is not like Biden. Trump is good friends with Netanyahu and backs Israel to the hilt. Trump thinks that all Arabs are terrorists (and all Muslims are terrorists) and genuinely believes the world would be a better place with them dead. Biden is continuing to support Israel, but using that support as influence to get them to stop or slow down. Trump would be using that influence to encourage them.

And those are the two choices. Someone who is trying to curb the genocide, and someone who actively supports it.

I really hope you can see the significant and substantial difference between those two positions.

But let's say that you're right and Biden's policy towards Israel and Palestine is every bit as bad as Trump's would be. If there was nothing to choose between them on foreign policy grounds, there would still be a shitton to choose between them on domestic policy grounds. You admit that the right wants to kill your friends, and yet you don't seem to think that stopping them from killing your friends might be a good thing to do.

"We can't save Palestinians, so we might as well let Republicans destroy the rights, lives, and futures of LGBTQ+ people, women, people of color, people with disabilities, poor people, non-Christians, and anyone else they don't like." "We can't save Palestinians, so why bother to try to save the people we might actually be able to save." "We can't save Palestinians right now, so there's no point in trying to build up a longer-term political bloc that might drag US politics to the left over the long run."

Do you get why there's a problem with that line of thought?

#us politics

1K notes · View notes

apdreadful · 3 days

Text

I’ve decided that from here forward I’m writing Tommy and Buck/Evan as long term canon. In the words of Buck himself “Who cares?!”

I get the feeling that Tommy is difficult to get really angry. Mostly based on his past. And his general roll with the punches attitude thus far. So I don’t foresee a lot of strife or fighting in his future with Buck. Except the first time Tommy experiences the after of that big marshmallow Evan Buckley doing something really dangerous and reckless..again.

And Tommy who never gets angry, who never shouts at Buck, who flew a helicopter into a goddamn hurricane in the middle of the ocean, really loses his shit this time because Buck cannot understand why Tommy is so upset that he dropped into a dangerous situation against orders AGAIN.

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose to keep from shouting “Bobby told you not to go in. He told you not to risk it. That the floors were too unstable”

“There could have been someone left” Buck replies “Someone needed to check. It had to be me”

“Why? Because you’re fucking super human? The great Buck Buckley from the 118 who scoffs at danger, has survived a tsunami, getting trapped beneath a fire truck, throwing a blood clot, and was officially dead for three minutes after getting struck by FUCKING LIGHTNING!”

“How do you know about all of that?”

“That isn’t what matters”

“I think it is” Buck takes a step toward Tommy “Have you been stalking me babe?”

Noticing the mischievous smile Tommy shakes his head “Oh no no no. You are not going to adorable your way out of this”

Bucks shoulders sag and he sighs “I’m ok Tommy. Not even a scratch”

“I can see that” Tommy lets out a deep exhale “I understand the risks of the job. I’m not like your exes who would get all distraught over you removing a cat from a tree. But for fucks sake, you are worse than the EOD guys when I was in Afghanistan with the walking - or in your case running or jumping- right into the worst case scenario with no thought of your own safety” Rubbing his forehead he continues “Evan. You’ve got a savior complex and it’s noble and selfless..”

Buck cuts him off “It’s not a savior complex. I’m not stupid. I understand that sometimes no matter what you do you can’t save them. But sometimes maybe you can, and in those cases, I just make the most sense”

Tommy crosses his arms to keep from strangling him or kissing him stupid again to shut him up “How is that? How does you possibly dying make any sense?”

“They all have people that need them. They all have someone they belong to and..” he trails off with a small shrug

And Tommy hears the words he doesn’t say. He is…expendable. And just like that all of the anger drains out of Tommy to be replaced by a something else. “Evan” he says softly.

“I know” Buck interjects “I know that people love me and they would be sad, especially Maddie. And I don’t want to die. But I don’t want someone who has someone they need, and that needs them, to die either. I couldn’t live with that”

Tommy closes his eyes. This man..How can he be so adorable and selfless, yet so completely stubborn and a pain in the ass about his own safety?

Once he calms his thoughts and finds the words he wants to say, he opens his eyes to see Evan looking at him calmly. Like he expects Tommy to see the sense in what he said.

“Evan. I know we haven’t really put a label on this. On us. But that’s because I don’t want to pressure you. I’m the first man you’ve been with and you’re still figuring out who you are, and I understand that. But let me clarify something for you. I need you to come back to me. Ok?”

Buck blinks “Huh”

“I need you to come back to me” he repeats “Like Bobby needs Athena, and Karen needs Hen, and yes like Maddie needs Chimney.

“And Jee-un. Jee-yun needs her dad”

“Yes, and in that same vein, Christopher needs Eddie” he agrees, trying not to give in to his exasperation. “I need you. I am that person who needs you to come home Evan”

Evan stops whatever he was about to say. Startled awareness creeping into his eyes..Tommy sees a mix of emotions flit across his face. Surprise, joy, fear, everything just races across that expressive face and then Evan sinks onto the barstool at his kitchen island. His hands coming up to cover his face.

Tommy’s stomach clench’s. He pushed too hard, too soon “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I do care and want you to come home but..”

Buck looks up at him “Don’t you dare take that back”

“I’m not taking it back. I just don’t want to push you”

Something else crosses Evans face at that..but he tugged at his bottom lip with his teeth. “You aren’t pushing. You aren’t pressuring me. I am in this just as much as you. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say without it sounding lame and emo as shit”

“Did you just hear me? You can say anything to me Evan. Whatever it is”

Buck rolls his bottom lip between his teeth again. “I’ve never questioned why I do this…I mean it’s the whole reason I was born. To save my brother. To save Daniel. That’s what I do, that’s who I am. It’s why I became a firefighter. To be the one who saves people. The 118 is my family. And I would do anything to protect them from harm”

“I’m not asking you to stop. I would never ask that. I just want to remind you that you matter to a lot of people, and you also have someone who is waiting for you”

Bucks voice is thick “I know that. I get that. But…Nobody has ever. I have never belonged to anyone, like that”

In a sense of deja vu Tommy closes the short distance to Buck. Tipping his face up, he kisses him. Not soft and gentle like their first kiss in this kitchen. But bold and deep. Branding Evan with his mouth. Pulling back he says fiercely “You belong to me like that. For as long as you want..you belong to me and I belong to you, like that”

“I will ALWAYS need you to come back to me Evan”

#yes I called him both Evan and Buck #it makes situational sense in my head canon #yes this idea was part of my 3k word barf #but I’m breaking it up into bits #911 abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #buck x tommy #evan x tommy #911 spoilers #bucktommy #kinley #this ship will be canon goddamn it #wrote this on my phone

278 notes · View notes

twistedwonderlandyuusworld · 17 hours

Text

Twst Dormleaders + Jamil Accidentally Call MC (Y/N) a Mudblood During an Argument

A/N: This is a Harry Potter AU. I would highly suggest reading the previous: “Twst boys and their Blood Status”, to really grasp the understanding of this concept because if you don’t you may or may not be confused. If you aren’t familiar with the term “Mudblood”, it’s a very offensive word that pure-blood wizards and half blood wizards (ironically enough) use against muggleborns. The meaning is “dirty blood”. Now I know I said in the previous post that most of the boys would never discriminate against blood status, and that’s true but sometimes people can say what they don’t mean, especially when they’re angry. Now I might make a part 2 of this post as redemption headcanons on how they apologize, idk. Now just to clarify MC (y/n) is not dating them but the boys do have a secret crush on them and they’re friends.

Riddle Rosehearts

You two were arguing about how you are apparently getting “lazy” with your school work. But in your defense you weren’t being lazy because you had a lot on your plate, being prefect of Ramshackle and the “beast tamer”.

You two were in the Heartstabyl Lounge area studying because he wanted to help you

You kept picking up your phone every five minutes to answer texts from your friends or professors and Riddle was getting annoyed with you every passing minute.

“Prefect, don’t you know how rude it is to be on your phone when someone is speaking to you?” He says tapping his gloved fingers on the table with an annoyed expression.

“Hm?” You say while scrolling and not making eye contact.

Riddle rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to be paying attention. I’m helping you for a reason. On your last potions exam you received a 70%. That’s extremely disgraceful for not only just for a regular student, but also a prefect!”

You finally put your phone down and make eye contact with him. “Will you just relax? A 70% isn’t bad. It’s still passing, and besides that topic was so hard to learn. Will you just cut me some slack?”

Riddle sees red when you say a mere 70% “isn’t bad”. He stands up and begins to raise his voice while making eye contact with you. “You can’t be serious Y/n! You’re supposed to be setting an example! Why are you even a prefect if you can’t even have the motivation to work hard and have perseverance! And besides the topic wasn’t even difficult, it’s just you’re not even trying!”

You get angry and stand up to meet his eye level. “Not trying? NOT TRYING? You have no idea what my life is like everyday! To have an idiot headmaster to make you do his job for him, solve problems that aren’t even your fault and stop overblots without dying! Of course you would be inconsiderate of my situation and scold me! Listen just because your mother was hard on you with your academics, doesn’t mean you have to act that way with me!”

Riddle loses it

“YOU’RE RIGHT, I WOULDN’T EXPECT A MUDBLOOD LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF SUCCEEDING IN COMPLEX WIZARD ACADEMICS!”

There was a pause

You stare at him for a long time without blinking

Riddle realizes what came out of his mouth, he knows that was he said was extremely below the belt. He clears his throat and averts his eyes.

Then his eyes widen with horror, a sight he was dreaded to see. Your eyes went red and glossy. Tears began to flow from your eyes.

“Y/n I-.” He was cut off by you swiftly packing your things and hastily leaving the room.

Riddle quietly curses himself. How stupid can he be? He made people cry before. But he’d never thought in a million years that he would make the person he secretly loved cry. Especially using….THAT word. He wants to make it up to you. But how?

Leona Kingscholar

You were angry at the fact that Crowley made it YOUR responsibility to make sure that Leona was going to class on time and participate in his studies.

Not only that, but you were angry at the fact that you barely got to spend time with him due to his excessive sleeping schedule. At first, you didn’t mind helping Leona get to class on time or that he likes to sleep. But after a while, it became a chore to “babysit” the lazy lion.

You were on your way to the botanical gardens, Leona’s self claimed napping spot, to tell him he needs to be in class.

You found him

“Leona.” You gently shook him.

He shifts and turns to you with a half open glare.

He lightly growls. “Go away Herbivore. Can’t you see I’m napping?”

You roll your eyes. “Yes I can see that and you shouldn’t be. You are meant to be in class.”

He ignores you

You huff in frustration and gently kick his side. “Up. Now.”

Leona growls loudly this time and sits up.

“Don’t you have any idea of how much this situation affects me? What do you get out of sleeping all the time? I want to spend time with you and you’re not making any effort on your part.” You say while crossing your arms.

Leona rolls his eyes

“Tsk. You’re such a nuisance. Not everything is about you. Now run along and play with the other annoying first year brats.” He turns his head while shooing his hand dismissively.

Your eyes widen.

“Are you kidding me?! Do you know how much pressure I’m in? You are so selfish! You act like you’re the king of everything and don’t even give a damn about things around you! You’re being heartless!

“Just leave, you’re being an annoying mudblood but you don’t seem to be aware of that.”

“W-what?….” You say quietly and shocked staring at him.

“I said leave!” He says shifting back into his previous sleeping position turning away from you.

You look down and tears make their way fast down your cheeks.

“F-fine…I’ll go.” You say trying to sound like you weren’t crying but failed.

You turned on your heel and quickly made your way out of the botanical gardens without looking back.

When you left Leona instantly felt a weight on him….a feeling called guilt. He curses himself and shifts his laying position to him now laying on his back looking up. He couldn’t believe that he just disrespected the one he secretly fancied. He knows he’ll get a scolding from Ruggie later.

Azul Ashengrotto

You and Azul were partnered for a potion project for Professor Crewel’s Alchemy class.

Many students didn’t like working with Azul due to his reputation, however, you were fine with working with him because you seen him from a different angle.

However with intelligence comes with a touch of arrogance.

Azul had a bad habit of being arrogant because of how intelligent he was. And just because you were friends with him, there was no exception.

You both were in one of the labs working on the potion

“Stop. Stop. Stop. You’re adding too much.” He says while blocking the top of the cauldron with his hands.

You look at him annoyed. He’s been doing this for the past 15 minutes. You were confident that you were following the instructions carefully.

“No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No.” “Yes.”

That went on for some time.

You were finally fed up

“Why are you so obnoxious, Azul? Why do you think you’re superior to me?” Azul rubs his temple annoyed. “That’s not the case. I’m just simply correcting you of your mistakes. That’s all prefect.” He says through his teeth.

“I barely make mistakes! I’m just as capable as you are when it comes to magic! Hell I’m just as skilled as you are!”

Azul then chuckles lowly.

“Why are you laughing?” You say with a hint of venom in your voice.

“Prefect, let’s not over-exaggerate and make unrealistic claims.” He says arrogantly as he mixes the potion.

“And what exactly are you implying?” He pauses and collects himself before he answers.

“Let’s just say you have a lot of room for improvement. Compared to you I am more gifted and boarder line perfect at my studies.”

You retaliated

“Well I can say the same for you.” He pauses and looks at you. “Oh? Do tell?”

“While you have intelligence you sure lack at physical education. Not exactly what I would call “perfect”. Azul’s eyebrow twitches when you mention the one subject in school he sucks at.

Physical education was a really touchy subject for Azul. He was constantly bullied because he was always in last place. He sucked at it when he was a kid, and he sucked at it now.

You smirk in satisfaction when you see his reaction and you continue to add ingredients to the cauldron.

“At least I’m not a headmaster’s lapdog!” He says in defense.

You stop what you’re doing and turn to him. “At least I’m not a scheming, lying sad excuse of a house warden who can’t let go of the past!”

“AT LEAST I’M NOT A FILTHY MUDBLOOD WHO DOESN’T BELONG HERE!”

You look at him with wide eyes.

Azul immediately realizes his mistake

“Y/n please I-.” He tries to walk over to you but you walk away. He hears faint noises of whimpers and sniffles coming from you. It was clear that you were crying. He sighs angry at himself

“Why did I do that?….now they’ll never love me back….”

Kalim Al Asim

You two were hanging out in the Scarabia dorm lounge. Kalim had tea and snacks laid out and you both were talking for hours.

Kalim wanted to ask you questions about the world you came from

Some were easy to answer but some of them were on the touchy side. Such as “What were your parents like?” Or “Were you happy with your old self before you came here?” Etc.

You were slightly annoyed but didn’t say anything

Then suddenly Kalim asks

“Do you know why the mirror chose you? I mean after all your boarder line just a regular human with the exception of a little bit magical ancestry.”

This question made you set your teacup down. You didn’t know why. So many people asked you this question. You didn’t know why you were randomly taken away from a world you were content in. The more you thought about it, the less special you thought you were.

“I-I don’t know Kalim, can you please not ask me that again?”

Kalim looks at you surprised

“But why? It’s just a simple question.”

“No it’s not, just drop it okay?” You say averting your eyes

“Oh I should’ve known….mudblood’s tend to be really sensitive about their feelings.”

Now it’s to be mentioned that Kalim didn’t know what the word “mudblood” actually meant. All he knew was it was a term used to address muggle-borns. In fact he thought it was a new use of slang because he over heard some other pure-blood wizards use that term in class. He didn’t know that it would offend you.

You freeze and slowly meet his gaze

Kalim looks at you. “What?”

“Don’t you EVER call me that again!” And with that, you get up and angrily march your way out of the lounge passing Jamil on your way out.

Kalim looks at Jamil shocked. “Did I say something wrong?”

Jamil shakes his head disapprovingly while rubbing his temple and mumbles, “Why are you such an idiot?”

Jamil Viper

You wanted Jamil to take a break. That’s all you wanted.

He was over-working himself because he felt obligated to. Even Kalim told him to take a break. But he simply wouldn’t accept it.

He wasn’t answering your texts and even calls, so you made your way to Scarabia

You searched for him everywhere until you caught sight of him making his way to his bedroom.

“Jamil!” I speed walked up to him and he meets your gaze with a tired and bored expression.

He exhales sharply. “What do you want Prefect. I’m quite busy.”

“That’s exactly why I need to talk to you. Why are you making yourself busy all the time? You haven’t been answering your phone.”

He rubs his temple annoyed. “And here I thought you needed something important……if you came here to waste my time, leave. I have no time for nonsense.”

He turns to enter his room but you grab his arm to stop him. “Why are you being like this. I just want to help-“

“Well you aren’t! So stop trying and leave! I don’t know why you would care about a servant like me!”

You were taken aback by his harsh response

“Is this what this is about?! I don’t care about your status!” You say. “I just want to spend time with you that’s all! You don’t have to be at Kalim’s side for every little thing!”

“WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SITUATION AND HARD WORK, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A MUDBLOOD!”

Pause

You let go of his arm and take a few steps back

“Wait hold on I-.” Jamil tries to say, but you left teary eyed.

Jamil curses under his breath and goes into his room. His sits down on his bed and reflects on what just happened while putting his hands through his hair.

“Now they’ll definitely choose Kalim over me now…”

Vil Schoenheit

“Honestly Prefect, do you always leave looking like this?”

Vil has been scolding you for the past ten minutes because of the state of your messy attire.

You were rolling your eyes because of how dramatic he was being. After all, it was just your tie being undone and there were just a few strands of hair out of place.

“Stop being over-dramatic, Vil. It’s not a big deal.”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “It is VERY much a big deal. If you’re going to be a Prefect, you need to look your best. Your academics not only reflect your dorm and school but also how well kept you keep yourself!”

He begins to fix your hair and tie but you were being uncooperative and moved a lot.

“Stop moving!” “Get your hands off me!”

He stops and looks at you. “So you would rather look like a filthy potato and have me just leave you like this?”

“I want you stop acting like you’re my mother!” You say defensively.

“Well if you dressed yourself properly, I wouldn’t have to!” He retaliates.

“Do you take pride in being a stuck up person?!” You yell back.

“And do YOU take pride in being an unfashionable mudblood?” He says calmly while glaring down at you.

You look at him shocked with wide eyes

His glare softens and he clears his throat realizing his rude mistake.

“Prefect….listen…” Before he could finish you take off.

Rook , who was listening to the whole conversation, of course, seen you leaving and went up to Vil.

“That was a very unbeautiful thing to say, Roi de Poison. You have to apologize.”

Vil exhales sharply, “I know….i just wanted to help…I just wanted to show them how beautiful they are. But they won’t let me…”

Rook sighs, “By calling them the forbidden word?”

Vil’s gaze is down

“At this rate….they’ll never give me a chance…I have to make it up to them.”

Idia Shroud

You wanted him to leave his room. It was a very unhealthy life style in your opinion.

You guys always spent time in his room all because he didn’t want to leave due to his anti-social lifestyle.

Well this time, you wanted to change things a bit

You went to Ignihyde dorm, and you made your way to his room. You knocked on the door and he answered it.

“H-Hey Prefect.”

“Why don’t we hang out outside today. It’s a great cloudy day out.”

He pauses before he answers

“W-why?”

“Well, it’s different and you could get out more- “No.” He cuts you off.

“No? But why?”

He rolls his eyes. “In case you hadn’t noticed Prefect, I don’t do well with….outside.”

You cross your arms. “Well it wouldn’t hurt to try. Come on.” You take his arm and lead him outside despite his protests.

You both make your way outside of the dorm and go into the main court yard of the school.

“See? Isn’t this better?” You say with a smile.

He shakes his head slowly while looking at the ground.

You both go sit down on a bench and begin talking.

“Hey Prefect!” You look up and see Ace and Deuce. “Hey!” You smile and wave them over.

Idia rolls his eyes in annoyance. He hated interacting with other people, not only that, he was annoyed at the fact that Ace and Deuce always was interrupting your guys’s hang out time. Whether if it was showing up in person or texting. He was always jealous of them. Couldn’t they go one day without talking to you?

“So whatcha guys doing?” Asked Ace.

“Well we are just sitting here and talking.” You replied with a smile. “May we join you?” Deuce asked.

“Sur- “No.” Idia interrupts you. You look at him confused. “Huh?” Ace says. Deuce speaks up. “So is that a yes or- “It’s a no.” Idia says passive aggressively.

Ace and Deuce look at you confused. “Well…okay…see you later y/n.” Ace says awkwardly and leaves with Deuce. After they leave, you turn to Idia and glare.

“What the hell was that? Why did you do that?”

“Why do YOU feel the need to be at their aid every moment of every day?” He replies hostile.

“What’s your problem? Are you still mad at the fact that I made you come outside?” “No….its not that!” “Then what is it?! You’re being extremely weird.” “And you’re being an inconsiderate mudblood!”

“No YOU’RE the one who’s-….wait…what?”

He pauses and averts his eye realizing what he said. “Um…”

Your blood boils as you stand up. “Fine, you can go back to your room. I’m sorry that a mudblood like me wasted your time.” You hastily leaves the area.

“Wait hold on-.” He was left with his own thoughts. “……Ortho is not gonna like this.” He says quietly to himself.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus wanted to spend time with you so badly. However, your rigorous schedule wouldn’t allow it.

He would always try to make plans with you, like getting ice cream together, going on nightly walks, or even studying; but you always politely declined

The more times you canceled, the more annoyed and angry Malleus got.

Well he had enough and decided to confront you late at night. He got Silver to tell you to meet him at the court yard.

Once you got there, you were met with a very angry dragon fae.

“Oh Tsunotaro, did you need something?”

“I’m not liking the fact that you’re being so casual about this, Child of Man.”

You look at him confused, you genuinely didn’t know what he was talking about, you were completely oblivious towards his words.

“Have I done something wrong?”

He exhales so sharply in frustration that you could’ve sworn you seen smoke coming out of him. You know that he’s extremely upset.

“You always decline my plans with you. And yet you have the audacity to be so naive about it. Not to mention, I see you around those first years, you claim that you’re “busy” but you’re spending time with them….” He glares at you with his arms crossed. Then it finally hit you, was he jealous?

“Tsunotaro, listen-.”

“No, I believe that it is YOU who will listen, Child of Man. I go out of my way to make some time with you and this is how you repay me?”

You get defensive. “YOU have to make time??? I have to make time for so much! You have no idea what my life is like! I’m sorry that you’re so clingy to understand, but I have a life too. And besides I wouldn’t exactly call my time with Ace and Deuce “hanging out”, I would call it “babysitting”, because that’s exactly what I do everyday! Babysit! So I’m sorry if you’re so clingy and needy to the point where you can’t understand that I can’t babysit and entertain you too!”

He takes great offense to your words. Is that really what you see him as? A somebody to entertain for a while and drop them whenever you felt like it?

He glares at you. “Perhaps Sebek was correct….all of you mudbloods are the same.” He says lowly enough for you to hear him.

Your glare disappears and you stare at him in shock. “W-what?…”

He averts his eyes in shame when he sees your reaction. The idea sounded better in his head than out loud. He just wanted to hurt your feelings so that you could feel what he felt when you ditched him all those times….he was so tired of being alone.

“F-fine then….” You say teary eyed. “I should‘ve known a pure-blood wizard like you wouldn’t be caught dead with the likes of me.”

“Child of man….wait-.” You ran off back to your own dorm. Leaving him there.

He gazes down at the ground. “What have I done…..they’ll never love me….”

142 notes · View notes

coochellati · 3 days

Note

Hi! Could you share some favorite Bruno headcanons? Love your blog ❤️

Aweee, thank you so much!! ❤️

Of course!! Here’s a list!! :)

My Favorite Bruno Headcanons!!

He’s got a tan line on his chest from his suit! Lingerie!Bruno also has tan lines from the lace. 😭

Bruno takes pride in his grooming habits. He’s got a whole skincare routine that gives him the softest, glowiest skin that radiates this godlike, ethereal aura.

He smells like freshly-washed sheets and nice cologne. The cologne he wears is softer on the nose—contains notes of vanilla and lavender. (I imagine his cologne smells like Le Male Le Parfum. If you haven’t smelled it—you need to.)

His zipper charms jingle when he walks.

The place he lives is covered in his signature print. His bedspread? It’s that upside-down pull tab pattern. Towels? Absolutely. His walls??? Covered in wallpapers with his print.

As much as he enjoys taking you out on dates, he prefers nights in at his place. Staying in is much more intimate—the two of you can hold each other close while sipping on some nice wine and enjoying each others’ favorite media.

Speaking of which, Bruno loves sharing his favorite media with you. Whether it be listening to the music of Miles Davis or cuddling up to Il Postino, he’s honored that you take interest in his favorite things. And of course, he loves hearing about it the things you like. It warms his heart when he watches you get all excited and happy as you infodump.

He’s a romantic lover, but not a cheesy one. His acts of love are genuine—he’d do anything just to see your beautiful smile.

It’s stated he enjoys Miles Davis, so it’s evident he enjoys Jazz Fusion. I believe he’s also into prog rock and classical. He has a nice vinyl collection.

Bruno is pretty knowledgeable when it comes to wine. He appreciates the art of it and enjoys wine tasting.

Bruno doesn’t drink a ton of wine—a glass with dinner is usually the extent of it. He likes to keep his mind clear and sharp in case a situation arises, prepared for anything. He doesn’t use any substances other than alcohol. (As much as I like the idea of taking bong rips with Bruno, we all know it wouldn’t happen. MAN I wish it would though.) If he were to get drunk, it would take him about 4 drinks.

In a world where nobody died, Bruno was promoted to Underboss after Giorno took over.

Bruno takes a lot after his dad; he’s got that protector complex. Children pick up and model behavior from their parents. His dad wanted to protect his family from the cruelties of the world, so it’s no doubt he would feel the need to protect you too. He’ll sacrifice his whole self just to keep you safe. (I go into a lot of detail about this in this post.)

He has a fuck ton of money (he is underboss, after all), but he’s still a reasonable spender. Growing up poor, he likely inherited some of his parents’ spending habits. It’s not that he won’t get nice things for himself every once in a while (nothing too egregious,)—I just don’t believe he’d buy himself a mansion.

…you did ask for a list of favorites, and my favorites happen to include some NSFW ones. They’re under the cut ;)

Bruno Bucciarati isn’t shy with his tongue. He loves oral sex—and he’s damn good at it, too. (all that sweat-licking has given him practice 😂) Tasting you is his biggest turn-on to him—it’s as if he’s tasting your arousal.

He’s a switch, able to play the role of a tormenting dom, or a discomposed sub.

Dom!Bruno revels the power in-balance between the two of you. He’s a highly ranked member of Passione, for one. He wants to make sure you know your place—maybe he’ll make you call him by his last name instead of Bruno as a way to “respect” him, giving you an even greater sense of subordinancy. He also happens to be the wielder of Sticky Fingers, which, come on—he definitely uses his ability in the bedroom. Sticky Fingers is the best stand for sex. (And I am willing to bet money on that.) His ability can be used to separate things, attach you to things, dismantle your body, etc, etc, etc…. You can get incredibly creative with those zippers. And come on, he tortures people. No doubt he’ll wanna carry some of that freaky attitude into the bedroom with him.

Bruno is always in control of everything, so relinquishing his authority and letting someone else take control can be an incredibly freeing sensation. Sub!Bruno becomes intoxicatingly high off your touch, slowly unraveling until he’s a complete mess, having lost all sense of composure.

#bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bucciarati #buccellati #bruno bucciarati x reader #bruno buccellati x reader #jjba x reader #jovia joestar writes #i took a lil while to stew on these #just to see which ones came to mind the most #these are them #these are the ones that just pop into my head when im taking a shower or driving or somethin #I have bruno shower thoughts lol #coochellati asks

43 notes · View notes

hyperfixatedbean · 2 days

Text

Why I think Eddie Diaz is autistic !

(As an autistic individual)

- Struggle with emotional expression:

He often struggles to express emotions, particularly in his relationship with women, (look at the way he acted with Sharon, Ana and Marisol, never communicating clearly, or doing it VERY straightforwardly (-> “you should go”)

He struggle with articulating his feelings, to name his emotions and process them (seemingly alexithymia) and he close off a lot, even with his therapist !

- Literal Thinking:

He tend to interpret language literally, (interactions with his colleagues and fast problem-solving, keeping a cool head under very stressful situations, the way he react to jokes, the way he doesn’t believe and ‘judge’ the way they fear superstitions, only believing what he can prove)

It seems to me like he experiences challenges with understanding figurative language or sarcasm and only believe what is proven, he’s very closed off about the idea of superstition which can be seen in some autistic people who struggle with theses concept

And he can be really straightforward (see the “you should go home Ana” or the “last time he wore that was at his mom’s funeral”) -> stating facts straightforwardly without processing it first and without realizing how stating it like that can be ‘awkward’ to others

- Meltdowns and Coping Mechanisms:

He experiences moments of intense frustration and resorts to unhealthy coping mechanisms (-> fights and destroying his room, hurting himself and other in the process (as in a lot of autistic meltdown and the way a lot of us turn to violent coping mechanisms to fight against sensory overload and the complexity of understanding our own emotions -> resorting to violence)

He parallels experiences of sensory overload and regulation, also his panic attacks and the way he avoid addressing his trauma and feelings by brushing it off and ignoring his own mental health, struggling to understand his own feelings about what he’s experiencing

- Difficulty with Trauma and Normalcy:

His reluctance to address trauma and persistent efforts to appear "normal."

It reflects challenges faced by autistic ppl in processing traumatic experiences and blending in with neurotypical society (force conformism and such)

There’s something about the way he and his father approach emotions, keeping it hidden and close off, that resonates a lot with my own experiences as someone autistic raised by someone who’s (probably) autistic too ‼️

+ the way he quickly connect with Buck exemplifies the ‘neurodivergent link’ : ADHD and autism solidarity is a reality ! Neurodivergent people tend to feel more secure, comfortable and friendly with other neurodivergent individuals!!

He basically just give such a autistic energy, like- I really connect with his struggle and the way he interact with the world around him, but please tell me what YOU think 🫶‼️

To have a better view of this part of him we would need more of his pov, sadly we rarely get it so I’m basing this of what I remember, what I personally see in him, what I connected with :’D

(Keep in mind that I probably projecting and it’s just an headcanon, not hate please <3 constructive criticism is welcome tho !!)

Credits it to @thisonemaniac that helped me make this post :D !! We talked about it a bit, I highlighted in orange what he remind me off ‼️

(Since you asked me about it you might want to read this :D !! I explained it better I think xD @lesbianphoebespengler )

#autistic eddie diaz #autism #eddie diaz #911 #911 abc #911 theories #911 headcanons #buddie #< target audience #+ adhd x autism is literally the best couple combo isn’t it ? 😔🫶#actually autistic #projecting my autism on another of my comfort character #no one can stop me #no but fr #im serious about this #I always am tbh #I feel like I forgot something tho #tell me what you think ‼️#Wally’s post !

22 notes · View notes

chifuyusun · 2 days

Text

Negai no Astro Chapter 3: Some Thoughts

Another banger by Wakui. I'm enjoying this story and its characters a lot so far! Wakui always knows how to move me with his complex family plotlines and drama🥹Excited to see what's to come, and also afraid for the siblings and the angst that I'm certain Wakui is cooking, I mean we already saw a glimpse of it. It was resolved quickly though, yay (for now)

The family all look so tiny and cute aw🥰I really want to see more of their past before the rebellion started, them growing up together, bonding, just soft moments..I feel like Wakui will bring these forward during fights or deaths..we saw him do that a lot in Tokyo Revengers, to pour salt on the wound 😭 Anyway, we have the number of most of the siblings so far except the 4th, 6th and 7th adopted, and as far as we know they are 12, I believe one was shown this chapter but not given a number yet, and it is 12 adopted siblings and Hibaru if I am not wrong, I have a feeling the cute girl from the promo pictures is not related to them, but to the astro power. I would like to meet some characters outside the family, I love the concept a lot as someone who has enjoyed such stories, but I wanna see some friendships etc. like in TR, Wakui knows how to write such bonds so well🥹

+ Still no news of her..no name, no info, Wakui please..🙏🏻😔

He's like the little "I choose violence" “peace was never an option” duck meme😭 but damn, seeing a different side to Terasu this chapter sure was interesting..he can be pretty cold-hearted, unlike his angel of a brother..but they complement each other, as one of the TR quotes that I love dearly: "he compensates for what he's lacking."

While I stand with Hibaru on this, I need to know more about Terasu and his relationship with the siblings aside Hibaru because he does not seem to have any bit of a soft spot for them, and I wonder why. I mean, he went to the extreme immediately, but we also saw that Shio wants them dead, and who knows what else he witnessed the siblings do when Hibaru was in his coma. He definitely just wants to protect himself and Hibaru from Shio and the rest who wish them harm or want them eliminated out of the picture, but I did not like the "we're not blood related we might as well be strangers"..I understand his frustration, but adopted family is a family, and found family is a family..reminds me of the conversation between Shinichiro and Izana, when Izana insisted that blood means everything, and Shinichiro said blood does not matter, they are still family, be it adopted, or the family you choose..but also if your family wants you dead, it is a complicated situation in a dog eat dog world, as Terasu said, it's kill or be killed. I wonder what Hibaru will do when forced to face such a situation, cause surely the power of love and friendship wont stop Shio and the rest

Hibaru and Terasu's fight was fun to read;not fun emotionally was gonna cry if they did not resolve it but like, seeing Wakui's fight scenes again, I love it + I knew Terasu's astro power is a shield, I mean it was quite obvious since he survived a whole building crashing on him, but nice to see it confirmed lol. + so they are shield and strength, interesting dynamic.

Angel mc with a heart of gold🩷every chapter I love him more and more, I'll give him the world and keep him in my pocket🥹 I am afraid of him though, "never be so kind you forget to be clever", I hope he knows the limits of love to give those who wish him harm. but it warms my heart, how he says he loves Shio and everyone..my sweet boy, please don't hurt him Wakui..i hope some of the siblings will be on his side. I also love how his purity and kind soul reflected on Terasu and were able to turn things around and end the fight. I'm starting to doubt that Terasu would betray him (mentioning this cause I wrote before some hints that he could be a Judas kind of character later) I love angst, but I hope to not see them fight again. Also the way he sobs and calls him "jerkface" because he was so hurt that the family was called strangers..adorable precious sweet boy🫶🏻

Angry kitty😠

Hibaru is so cute and Terasu is like "free me I don't wanna be here"😭

grandpa is so funny the way he's here for the tea and encouraging the fight , I hope to keep seeing more of him

I finally know pretty boy's name! Shikaba! and the other brother is Taira, interesting to see they are presented together in both their appearances. they don't seem too mean like the other brothers. Taira so far seems like a Hanma type of character who comments about everything and enjoys the vibes lol. As for Shikaba, interesting to see his eyes are still closed 🤔

aaand him, Kuran, he sure is intriguing, as Hibaru referred to him as "a real man among men", and it shows he truly admires him and his strength. he's been quiet so far in all his appearances, but does not seem too friendly, we shall see

that's all, I adore Hibaru and Terasu sm🫶🏻

25 notes · View notes

anthurak · 13 hours

Note

Okay so, I feel like some people need to think about WHY Summer would be working for Salem, because a lot of them tend to forget that whatever sacrifice Summer made that kept her from coming home was one she INSTANTLY regretted, was NOT planning to make when she left, and one that had consequences for Ruby she did NOT foresee.

Given that this song is the source of Summer's leitmotif, it SURE would be weird if they made Summer Rose a mustache-twirling supervillain who hates her daughters and wants to be rid of them, wouldn't it?

So while I would not be surprised if Summer's been enslaved by Salem and is being forced to do her bidding, I highly doubt she willingly or knowingly threw her own children under the bus to do so, as some people are suggesting she did (typically to try and make Raven look better).

The annoying bit is that I feel like any 'backlash' against Summer is a pretty typical case of a fandom spending years propping up a character as the greatest, most perfectist, unproblematic cinnamon roll possible, and then the moment that character is given any sort of serious flaw, suddenly they're the most terrible-terrible bad-bad person ever.

Sorry, did I say 'character'? I meant to say girl/woman. If it's a dude, they just ignore/deny said flaws til the heat-death of the universe. Just keep an eye on the reaction to when the story gives us the same rug-pull for Tai it did for Ozpin, Qrow and Ironwood...

Anyway, yeah I'm in full agreement with you on this one. Assuming that Summer isn't full-on brainwashed and/or puppeted by Salem, then we're definitely looking at a Darth Vader-esque situation wherein Summer has been utterly broken by Salem. Via a combination of her mysterious plan to stop Salem utterly failing, years of torture and hybrid experiments, plus a healthy dose of 'would you like to hear all the things Oz was lying to you about? Somehow it's MORE than 'everything'.'

More specifically, broken in a way that emphasizes Summer being a foil to Ruby. As in, showing the worst possible end that Ruby's self-destructive hero-complex could ultimately take her. Followed by Ruby not only finding a 'better way', but then along with Yang, saving their mother from this fate as well.

#rwby #rwby ask #rwby theory #rwby analysis #swapauanon ask #Summer Rose #Salem #Ruby Rose #Yang Xiao Long

22 notes · View notes

m1dn1ght-jade · 14 hours

Text

Hello! This is the first piece of writing i've ever actually posted, so please be kind! There's no like heavy nsfw or whatever, too nervous to write that stuff yet, but just wanted to see if anyone would like this. Also apologies if the end is kinda abrupt or unfinished. If anyone does take the time to read this, please enjoy, and thank you for reading!

prof!abby anderson x reader // ~550 words // based loosely on this post I made // not proof read

includes (i dont know how to do tags, bear with me) : implied reader shower masturbation, implied shower sex, nudity, established relationship, neck kissing??

nsfw under the cut, 18+ only please and thank you! enjoy :)

Abby wasn't too proud of her decision to end her classes for the day early, but she certainly didn't regret the decision. She quickly packed up her stuff, and shot you a quick text:

Abby: "Class ended early! Omw back now."

When she didn't hear anything in response after a moment, she just clued up her belongings and decided she would meet you at home. She was hasty as she made her way out to her car in the parking lot, it was a nice day out, warm and sunny as summer was approaching, she made a mental note to ask you if you would like to go out with her this evening, perhaps for a nice walk together. She let out a soft sigh as she turned on her car, her hands smoothing over the material of her slacks, stretched over her muscular thighs. Once she was situated she finally began the short drive home, her thoughts on you the whole time. She wondered about what you may be doing right now, maybe you were making some food, or perhaps having a nap; she really hoped you hadn't left the house, she would understand if you had, but she desperately wanted to see you.

--------------------------------------------

Once Abby made it to the complex she was quick to make it up to your guys' apartment. She unlocked the door and slipped in, she noticed your favourite shoes and your sweater by the entrance, and a smile spread across her lips as she figured you were home. She slipped off her own shoes before making her way through the apartment, undoing the top few buttons on her shirt she had worn to work, rolling out the tension in her shoulders. It wasn't long until she figured out where you were, as she heard the sound of the shower running from your shared bathroom, which was quickly followed by the quiet sounds of your moans, her own name tumbling from your lips, barely audible through the door, but she heard you.

She made her way to the bedroom instead, taking off her shirt and pants from the day, neatly putting them in the laundry bin. Once she was down to her boyshort underwear, and she took the elastic out of her hair, letting the braid it had been in fall loose, she made her way down to the bathroom. She knocked a couple times to announce her presence, before slipping into the bathroom, smirking slightly as she was greeted by the sight of you- beads of water all over your skin, your breathing slightly ragged, and most importantly, your hand nestled between your thighs.

She slipped off her final article of clothing before quickly joining you in the warm shower, her muscular arms wrapping around you, pulling you close to her. You asked her about her being home early, but her mind was already elsewhere, muttering that she had ended class early as her kisses trailed along your skin, down your neck. Her hands ran along your body, pride and arousal surging through her as she felt your hands gripping back at her, as she heard your moans echoing around her. Any thoughts or worries about ending her classes early to see you disappeared from her mind, only you consumed her thoughts now, and now that she was home, she could give you everything you craved.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson smut #abby anderson fluff #abby the last of us #abby tlou2 #prof!abby #prof!abby anderson #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson x fem!reader #the last of us

39 notes · View notes

velvet-vexations · 3 days

Note

I find your reading of Kipperlily really interesting and valuable (even when I don't agree). But I think it's not accurate to suggest that Brennan is setting up something more complex and nuanced with her and it hits on something that's very frustrating for me with the Dimension 20 fandom. I love Brennan. I think he's a great storyteller with very interesting ideas and a generally empathetic attitude toward his characters. But he gets all of the credit for D20s storytelling successes, whether he deserves it or not, and none of the blame for its failings, even when he deserves it. And I think suggesting that he's trying to do something awesome with Kipperlily that the IH are ignoring or not picking up is massively overly generous to him and massively unfair to them. He built her to trigger the reactions he's getting from them, and he set up the jealousy reveal to make them angrier at her. I think there's a chance that he could end up leaning into something more sympathetic because of her age at the end (although the idea that D20 doesn't treat minors as villains is one fandom has been batting around for a while that I really don't understand: Biz Glitterdew? Anyone?). But I think suggesting that Brennan is trying to do anything other than make her hateable is way off-base. That doesn't mean your reading of the character or situation is wrong. Sometimes the best stories aren't what the writers intended. But it feels frustrating to me to see him once again credited him with something he's not actually doing. And the rest of the IH getting criticism for something he's equally a part of (Especially when he was the player dodging nuance left and right when Aabria tried to do something actually interesting with the "villains" of Burrow's End)

I understand your point. I think a lot of the collaborative storytelling in TTRPGs like this is what the players choose to follow up on, though, and players aren't like, necessarily wrong for not missing or ignoring some things. Brennan signaling that Kipperlilly's story can be engaged via empathy isn't much difference than saying a dragon can be fought or you can answer it's riddle. It's like, you can do the gunfight if you want to or you can sneak in the back but on a grand scale that can only be done in a TTRPG.

I said he's "desperately" trying to signal it to the players because I'm a little bothered about the intensity of Ally and Siobhan's reactions to KLCK and the way it feels like none of them are even hearing it, but ultimately there's very little I think any of his players could do that he wouldn't try his best to work with and I agree he does not necessarily consider this absolutely essential.

The only time I can think of him seeming to have actually had an emotionally rough time with was the climax of Mice & Murder. I normally really dislike pouring over every frame of every microexpression like that because it's usually in the service of "everyone at the table is constantly seething at Ally" conspiracy theories, but I blame BLeeM much more for that going down as it did than Rekha and he doubtlessly did too with none of his potential frustration actually being aimed at her. Other than that, it's his nature to roll with where the players want to take their characters, so I don't think he's like, banging his head against the wall trying to make the IHs understand she's sympathetic or that it's the only possible solution to anything, it's just a part of what he's constructed.

I'll say though about things he's also doing, I also don't like that his presentation of KLCK digging up Euegenia was threatening to destroy her grave and not like, digging up her corpse in order to "find the rogue teacher". So he does seem to think of her as more actively sinister than I do, at least in her current state of mind which is not necessarily the end of the discussion.

Also, about the villains in Freshman Year, that was a very, very long time ago and everything was a lot rougher and so even was Brennan as a person back then. I don't think it's farfetched at all that he's gotten even more empathetic and dedicated to praxis than he used to be and is less willing to have a bunch of underage villains get slaughtered like any other enemy and go to Actual Hell for their sins.

#dimension 20 #kipperlilly copperkettle

20 notes · View notes

braywashed · 1 year

Text

i’ll stop being a depressing text post andy soon but

just long, long dramatic introspective stuff i need to get off my chest re: this past week/moving forward

it’s been officially over a week now already

and i’m very much.... starting to feel the guilt

not the ‘i should have done more!’ guilt, though i am cringing every time someone tells me i ‘gave him a great life’ or anything of the sort, because it will never feel that way to me. even if KNOW how much i tried to do, it won’t ever feel like it was enough or even good.

the guilt of ‘as much as this hurts, a weight has also been lifted’

the fact that i had been watching his chest when he was asleep to see if he was still breathing since i was 16, convinced he wouldn’t last long. the fact that i have given up so much of my own life to be here for so many years. the forced interactions with people i hate. the remarks he’d make about how it ‘should have been him’ (and.... to sound awful... it should have) and how he wished he was dead already. the drinking.

i don’t like the word burden, because it wasn’t a burden. for all his shit, and as south as things went, he was my dad and i have great memories and i love him. i chose to do what i did and keep doing it. but i would be lying if i said i hadn’t considered from time to time what things would change *after*. and i would be lying if i said i didn’t think those changes, would for the most part, be positive.

i’m going to be very lost for awhile, and weirdly lonely. i know that. it will get dark. i’ve been doing this for so long i don’t know what to do now. i hate looking at the room he used to confine himself to because it’s empty. i walk in the door expecting him to be there, always there, like a piece of the furniture, and he’s not. the only purpose i had for a long time is gone. the constant.

so i’m just doing... whatever i’d normally be doing when i’m not dealing with the papers, and the phone calls, and the awkward social stuff. sitting on the computer, watching tv, laughing about bullshit.

but aside from a few slight teary moments, i haven’t cried since i got home that night. and i know part of that is because physically, i just couldn’t anymore. i can’t now. and i know that, once the initial couple weeks pass, and everything quiets down, and it becomes all the more obvious that he’s never going to be here again settles back in, that things will probably be emotional again.

i keep having a moment of ‘this feels bad, but this should feel *worse*.’

it shouldn’t be so easy to be doing normal shit.

but it’s not.... i don’t know.... unfamiliar? i’m still doing things mostly independently. the way i work around them is just different now. and i knew it was coming for so, so long. even the past couple weeks i knew i needed to start mentally preparing for shit to change.

and i know despite the guilt, and the hurt, that things *will* be better in some way for this. because i can have my life now. and for better or worse it will be, for the first time, *my* life.

and i also know.... he went to the hospital for a reason, despite his stubbornness. he knew it was too much. and i think he knew i couldn’t deal with the extent of what was going to happen if it continued. and i don’t think he wanted me to have to.

i think he kept telling people not to hang out in the hospital at his expense for a reason.

there’s always gonna be the voice in the back of my head reminding me of him being drunk after my mom passed, saying i didn’t seem like i cared because i didn’t seem upset. wondering if he would think that now. (of course NOW i’m crying, stupid waxing poetically on this garbage site nonsense.)

but i do think he knew at the end and didn’t want that for me.

of course there’s a bunch of... other stress now. i’m going to need some income, which i haven’t had since The Before Times. with a still not great knee. gotta pay the bills, and fix the car more, and keep this house liveable (for now. i’m not making any rash decisions. i know just packing up my sad excuse for a life and trying to take off immediately is a horrible, braindead idea.) i know the world/my trash immune system is still a concern as well. and i can’t just go back to what i was doing immediately, at the same capacity, because of bs business politics.

i’m still going to give myself a few weeks. i can afford that. and i’ve done the math on what i absolutely *need* for the time being.

and my aunt bought me a washer, my brother bought me some groceries, claims have been made about fixing more shit in the house. fuck, an internet friend i barely exchange two words with every few months anymore fucking *called* me last night to ask if i was doing okay. i’m not saying this to brag, i’m saying i’m lucky to have support that i honestly so often doubt exists and i want to remember it when shit gets tough.

but i also need time to grieve in whatever form that takes after the initial bullshit is done so i don’t rush into things and then completely fall apart out of the blue. i’m lucky enough to feel i have that time, and force myself to try not to worry too much too soon, even if it is constantly there in my mind.

i think it’s going to be the weird stuff for a bit. stuff like going to the dentist the other day because i couldn’t reschedule again and being asked what i do for work and saying ‘oh, i don’t right now. i was a caretaker until saturday.’

going grocery shopping and not instinctively grabbing the same five things that were always on the list every single week and therefor not having a fucking clue what to get.

just trying to remember it’s okay for that shit to be weird. it’s okay to not be a trainwreck 24/7, but to sometimes be one over the smallest things.

the thing he told me once that has always stuck with me, back when he knew me better than anyone somehow before that all changed, was ‘you know, you don’t have to be brave all the time.’

i’ve been trying to be brave for so goddamn long. through so much fucking loss.

i just need to remind myself that it’s okay to be a fucking mess for a bit, in whatever form that takes. do what needs to be done, but be okay with whatever comes. accept fucking help and not be afraid to ask for it. sleep all goddamn day if i have to. and learn to fucking take a moment to breathe without worrying how it will come off to people who don’t know what i was always coming home to. i’m not fucking perfect. i never was, i never tried to be, and i certainly won’t be now. but i don’t have to be.

i just gotta forgive myself for it.

for a lot of things, really.

#long post with apologies #none of this makes sense or reads coherently and im not sure i even had a point #other than everyone deals with this shit differently and sometimes the pressure to act a certain way makes you doubt your own feelings #and that situations like this are complex in a lot of ways.#and that i need to learn to be a person.#as dumb as that sounds.

4 notes · View notes