#and then one of my ex friends who cut me off and then started harassing me to the point i had to get a no contact order went

[happy74827]

Lucas Lee x reader fluff✨️ I'm sad there isn't a lot of fanfics of this himbo..

Tough Guy

[Lucas Lee x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: When Lucas Lee confronts you and a friend on set, things take a turn for the worst.

WC: 1894

Category: Fluff, Protective!Lucas

Honestly, I’m sad there’s not a lot of fanfics with any of the exes. Gideon seems to be the most popular out of the bunch, but even then he’s still low and the other 6 deserve a lot more hype.

But, anyway, this anon was so real for requesting Lucas because I absolutely adore him (the series did him SO RIGHT). So, hopefully, I did him right here too :)

『••✎••』

“Hey, Bucko!”

You turned around at the sound of that voice. It was loud and obnoxious, as usual, but you could never help but grin when you heard it.

That was, after all, the voice of Lucas Lee.

Lucas Lee was your current colleague on set. He was in the big leagues, an A-lister, a celebrity. The two of you had only just met a few weeks ago, and since then, you had both taken quite a shine to one another.

It wasn't surprising to you. You have always had a way with people, especially famous ones. Maybe it was your personality. Or maybe you were just so used to them by now that nothing fazed you anymore. You were currently on set for a new movie, and you had already worked on two other movies and one TV series with big names before this.

But Lucas Lee? Oh, he was different.

Maybe it was because you were the same age. Maybe it was the fact that he had such an easygoing personality.

Maybe it was how hot he was.

Yeah, he was totally hot. You didn't like to admit that. It was embarrassing and cliché and unprofessional and-

No, who were you kidding? You totally thought Lucas Lee was hot.

It was hard not to, really. The way he smiled, the way he talked, the way his eyes seemed to be laughing even when his mouth was. Not to mention, the boy was tall and buff as hell. You had no idea what kind of workouts he did, but they were definitely paying off.

You were so engrossed in your thoughts you didn’t realize how he stormed over to you and your friend until he was standing right in front of you, hands on his hips.

"Um, hi," you said, smiling shyly at him.

He didn’t bat an eye towards you. Instead, he looked down at your friend. "Is there… a problem here?" he asked.

It was then you noticed his posture, how he was practically towering over your friend, who was now shrinking back, trying to look small.

You frowned.

What was going on?

"Well, I-" your friend started, but he was immediately cut off.

"Listen, dude, I'm a professional, you know," Lucas said, a dangerous tone to his voice. "I've been doing this for years, and I don't appreciate a little no-name rookie trying to hammer down on my girl like that."

"Wait, what?" you said.

"Your... girl?" your friend said.

You and your friend glanced at each other before looking back up at Lucas, confused.

Lucas, though, didn't seem to notice the looks on your faces or how you had spoken.

“You don't think I know your type? Harassment. That's what it is. Harassment pure and simple. And it's not gonna fly, you hear me? You've been warned."

You looked at him, your eyes wide, and your mouth open, too, but nothing came out. You had no idea what the hell was going on.

And then, you watched as your friend took a step forward. "Wait a second, dude. I wasn't harassing her," he said. "She's my friend, I was just helping rehearse some of her lines—”

Lucas interrupted him. "You were touching her arm."

"I was just—"

"And she was looking down."

"Yeah, but—"

"She was obviously uncomfortable!"

“Actually, I wasn’t…” You tried to say something, but no one heard you.

"Dude, she wasn't looking down. She was looking at the script!"

"So, what? Are you calling her a liar?"

Lucas was glaring at your friend. His expression was fierce, and his muscles were tense, his fists balled up tightly. He looked like he was ready to punch someone. It was a scary sight, to say the least.

You could feel the tension in the air, and your stomach twisted in knots. This wasn’t good.

Your friend, though, didn't back down. He stood up straighter, looking Lucas in the eyes.

"I'm not calling anyone a liar," he said calmly. "I'm just saying that maybe you should check your facts before you accuse someone."

Lucas growled.

"Listen, punk," he said, jabbing a finger into the other man's chest. "I have a reputation to uphold, you know. People rely on me. I've got fans. I can't afford to let people like you ruin things for me. So, why don't you just take a hike, alright?"

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" your friend challenged, and your stomach sank.

Shit.

"Guys, come on. Let's just—"

"What did you just say to me?"

You knew Lucas had a temper; you’ve seen it once before on set—valid reasons, of course. You understood where it came from, and you understood his passion for what he did. But still, his temper was scary, and it didn’t help to notice he was even angrier than usual now.

"Lucas, listen," you started, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He didn't mean it like—"

You gasped as Lucas shoved your friend hard.

"Lucas!"

The shove made your friend fall back, landing on his butt. It was quite ironic, really, considering his height. He wasn’t small by any means, and yet Lucas had just made him look like a small child.

Still, it was a sight you were not happy to see.

"What are you doing?!” You practically screamed at him. “Are you insane?!"

"Stay out of this," he said, not taking his eyes off of your friend. "This is about honor. Respect.”

“Respect… I— What?!” You sputtered, completely baffled.

Your friend had gotten to his feet, looking absolutely pissed. He took a step forward, glaring daggers at Lucas.

"You're gonna pay for that, you bastard!" he spat, and Lucas smirked.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try."

“Alright, enough! That's it!"

You stepped in between the two men, blocking them from each other's view. Your arms were spread wide, and your eyes were darting between the two.

"Both of you are being idiots!" you yelled. "Lucas, why are you acting like a caveman? And you, I can't believe you're stooping to his level!"

"I'm the idiot? What about him?" your friend pointed an accusatory finger at Lucas. "He's the one who started this whole thing."

"Oh, sure, blame me, why don't ya," Lucas sneered.

"Both of you, shut up!"

They both turned their attention to you.

"Look," you said, sighing. "I'm sorry, but this is completely ridiculous. Lucas, why did you even go after him? What was that about?"

"Yeah, why'd you do that?" your friend echoed, a smug look on his face.

Lucas huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's none of your business."

"Yes, it is," you argued. "You attacked my friend, Lucas."

"I wasn't attacking anyone. I was just defending your honor."

"Honor?"

Your friend scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Right. That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."

Lucas glowered at him. "Watch it, buddy. I'll deck you again."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

"GUYS!"

Both men stopped, turning to look at you.

You glared at the both of them.

"You," you pointed at Lucas. "Need to learn how to keep your cool. This was totally uncalled for. And you," you pointed at your friend. "You need to learn how to walk away from an argument. You're not a little kid. Don't let him bait you like that. Okay?"

You waited for them to answer, but neither of them spoke. They just kept looking at you.

Finally, Lucas was the first to speak.

"Okay," he mumbled, his voice low.

"Yeah, whatever," your friend replied.

You let out a sigh and placed a hand on your hip.

"Good," you said. "Now, Lucas, can you explain to us why you went after my friend?"

You saw his hesitation. He was shifting his weight from foot to foot, and his hands were balled up in tight fists.

"Well..."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

He looked at the ground, kicking his foot against the floor. The skateboarder in him was showing, you noted.

“I was over there, drinking my coffee, and I heard what you were talking about, and I thought you looked uncomfortable, and I... I guess I just lost my cool, alright?"

Your friend looked at him, confused.

"Wait, you were eavesdropping on us?"

"I wasn't eavesdropping!"

"That sounds like eavesdropping to me."

"You little-"

"Lucas, stop," you snapped, and the blond stopped, glaring daggers at your friend.

Your friend just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, dude," he said, shaking his head.

"Lucas, look," you said, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it soothingly. He seemed to relax under your touch, and you felt a surge of pride.

"I appreciate you standing up for me," you continued. "But you can't do stuff like this. Okay? It's not right. You could get in trouble or, worse, fired."

He scoffed at that but nodded. "Yeah, right," he said.

"I'm serious," you said. "If something like this happened, you could be kicked off the project. And then what would we do? Who'd play the lead role with me?”

He didn’t say anything. He just looked at you, his blue eyes boring into yours. There was something unreadable in them, and it made you nervous.

"Lucas?"

He sighed and looked away. "I know, I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Promise me you won't do anything like this again."

"I promise."

You smiled and patted his shoulder.

"Good."

"What about me?" your friend piped up. "Am I free to go now?"

"Yeah, whatever," Lucas waved him off.

Your friend glared at him.

"Whatever," he mocked and turned on his heel, leaving the two of you alone.

Lucas watched him go before turning his attention back to you. His blue eyes were bright, and his lips were curled in a small smile.

"I'm totally hotter than him anyway. No competition," he said, his voice low and husky. It made you chuckle.

“Well, that's debatable," you replied, giving him a sly wink.

"Maybe a black eye would fix that," his tone gave it away that it was a joke, but his body language said otherwise. He was tense, and his knuckles were white.

"Lucas," you warned.

He held up his hands in defense.

"I'm joking, I'm joking," he said. "Don't worry. I'll leave the guy alone."

"Good."

"In my defense, it really did look like he was bothering you. I wasn't totally crazy."

You laughed. "No, you were. Totally crazy. You know, they say you're the cool, collected, bad boy of the big screen, but I don't know. You're more like the hotheaded, passionate, and protective bad boy of the big screen. Or even the small screen. Whatever the case, you're not exactly what the media paints you to be."

Lucas shrugged.

"It's the same old, same old," he said. "People always seem to be so fascinated with me. I can't blame em', really. I'm a pretty interesting guy."

"Oh, yes, definitely. The most interesting man in the world."

"See? You know it."

The two of you laughed, and the tension that had been hanging in the air was now gone.

You were glad. It had been an awkward moment, for sure, and you would have to make sure your friend didn’t sue Lucas since that could get the production on halt or even canceled. But it was over now, and all was well.

For now, at least.

#lucas lee #lucas lee x reader #lucas lee x female!reader #lucas lee/reader #lucas lee x yn #x reader #reader #fanfic #fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans x reader #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim vs the world fanfiction #spvtw lucas #spvtw #spvtw gif #spvtw fanart #spvstw #spvtw post #spvstw post #scott pilgrim x reader #scott pilgrim edit #scott pilgrim fanfiction #captain america #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #fluff #protective!lucas #steve rogers x female reader

[twinuchiha]

Okay. Those who know me know that I’m not the type of person that likes to make serious posts. But this situation has been on my radar since Wednesday, and has turned into borderline harassment.

This is a warning to be wary of the Naruto anon rpers.

This is not a call to attack anyone. This is not a call to harass anyone. This is a warning. Trigger Warning: Harrasment, Death threats, SA threats, Stalking and Abuse will be mentioned under the cut. If you can not handle these topics, feel free to not click read more. However, it would be appreciated if you relogged this post to spread awareness.

Some people may already be aware that I used to interact with this group, and be on friendly terms with Sasukeanon, but not anymore. I have blocked most of them, and they may have already blocked me as well by now. Honestly? I'm just disappointed. So around January 30th, someone sent a hate post to Hidan anon mentioning a few of their fellow blogs. Understandable, they mentioned Kisame anon to ask them what was going on, as they have also recently been getting hate.

They're trying to figure out who this possibly could be, but then out of nowhere, Orochimaru's anon says this:

To which??? Okay, some people just type similar to each other? I've seen it happen. Anyway, when Kisame tries to explain that they've had problems with people in the past and listing off who it could have been, Sasuke comes in with this:

How they came to this conclusion, I don't know. But they then suddenly start going on a tirade and start making threats.

This took me off guard. I knew Sasuke could be harsh in some of their posts, which made me uncomfortable, but this was the first time I've seen them jump to death threats. This is no way to talk to someone. Especially when you have no evidence against. And don't have any evidence, because all you have done is claim things, never show proof, and then harass Kisame further (along with your friends) when they were trying to prove their innocence to everyone. Even in posts that had nothing to do with any of you!

(Note that Sasuke's mod was handling Hidan's blog at the time of this)

You keep saying that Kisame has been sending death threats and SA threats yet show no proof to back up your claims when someone confronts you on it. Instead, insult them. And type in all caps to try and be intimidating.

These were in response to cherrypiesakurokun's posts on the matter, as like me they have also been talking to Kisame about what has been happening. The top one was after the Naruto anon blog added them in a callout and basically implied they were a death threats/SA threat defender. All because what? They tried to be supportive and wanted everyone to make up? I agree that they probably shouldn't have jumped in, but that's not fair.

The blog you claim that is Kisame's main isn't even her main. This is her main. She linked me her Reddit account to prove this.

Do these blogs look remotely the same??? The threats you claim were sent by Kisame to herself hold critical information that held her real name and where she lives. Why would someone do to themselves, risk doxing themselves? It doesn't make any sense. She's sent me proof of that as well, but I will not be showing them here because that is private information. Kisame told me that she gave you her discord, you could have asked her what was going on. But you never did. You just jumped to conclusions.

When I asked Kisame about the threats that were being, her conclusion was that it was from her stalker ex boyfriend, who's she's been gathering evidence of for doing the same behaviour. She's informed me that she's currently trying to get a restraining order. I've been given permission to show these screenshots.

Congratulations on harassing a victim of stalking and abuse. But if that wasn't vile enough, the night Kisame's mother was taken to the hospital, and they explained they'd be offline because of it, Sasuke, still using Hidan's blog, said this:

This was vile. Fucking vile, and was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I blocked as many of the blogs I could. Like I said, I'm disappointed. Sad, even. Sasuke was one of the first blogs who'd interacted with me, and i thought they were nice. It seemed like I was wrong though. As I mentioned before, this isn't an attack. This is simply to warn others about the kind of people they will be interacting with should they come across the anon group.

#ooc #say it louder for the people in the back (psa) #tw: stalking #tw: harrasment #tw: abuse #tw: abuse mention #tw: threats #please reblog #//I was nervous to make this I admit #//mainly because of the group #//but I am not letting someone else get harassed off this website #//if they are gonna come at me so be it

[tojiscumdumpster]

chapter two - READER

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀✧ summary page

I shouldn’t be nervous. Why am I nervous? I’ve been alone with my best friend plenty of times before. There was a time where we would hang out all the time before he got into a relationship. Now that he’s been single for the past six months, that gave us more time to be together. 

 Though, what’s different now is that I am in love with my best friend. And my he just so happened to be Nanami Kento, who’s standing outside in the living room while I frantically pick out what lounge set to wear. 

 Falling in love with Kento was never the plan. It just… happened. I’ve known him (along with Satoru and Suguru) since college, and between everyone, him and I became the closest. Probably because we’re the quiet ones of the group, so we found comfort in each other. 

 When Ken started dating Aleena, I was truly happy for him. I thought they paired well together. He’s more reserved and she’s bubbly, which is the energy he needed romantically.

 Whenever he needed someone to talk to about Aleena, whether it was for advice or just to fawn over her, I was the person he came to. And I was okay with that at first. However, it wasn’t until last year these romantic feelings I had for Kento started developing. 

 Aside from what I knew about Kento (which is almost everything), I began seeing him in a different light. He’s a gentleman, extremely kind, caring, patient, reassuring… I could go on about him for days. Maybe months or years and I still wouldn’t get tired about saying why I love him. 

 I saw all the things he did for Aleena when they were together and I couldn’t help but wonder, what if that was me? 

 Don’t get me wrong, I adore Aleena. She’s an amazing woman, and we were somewhat friends when she and Ken were dating. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy her at times seeing she was loved on by him. 

 And I can admit that although Kento had his wrongdoings in their relationship, which I always told him, just to hear him confess his love and touch you with such delicacy would be an opportunity I would take at any given moment. 

 Will I ever tell him that? Absolutely not. 

 Yes, it hurts being in love with your best friend who’s still in love with his ex, knowing he’ll never return your feelings. But it would hurt even more if I told Kento how I felt, have him reject me, and possibly tarnish our friendship because of my one sided love. 

 So, I think I’m okay with keeping this secret to myself—Satoru and Suguru.

 Suguru only knows because he actually tried hitting on me last year, but I politely declined and he figured I was in love with Kento. And Satoru? Well, he’s just nosey, but at least he somewhat knows how to keep a secret. 

 “Y/N, I’m… I’m a bit tired. I’m going to head home now.” I hear Kento say from afar while waiting in my living room. 

 Oh, no. I had him waiting too long. After the day I had at work and that freaking creep harassing me at the bar, all I wanted was to take a shower and freshen up a bit, but I probably should’ve waited after Ken went home. 

 I’ve already moisturized, so I quickly put on my yellow silk, pajama shorts set and hurry to the living room before he walks out the door. Though, from the looks of it, when I entered the space, he was still sitting down and waiting for me. 

 “Oh… I thought you were already gone,” I assumed. 

 “No. Not yet. I didn’t want to leave without seeing you. And so you could lock the door.”

 I nod, tucking my coils behind my ear. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting for so long. But I know you said you were tired.”

 “Yes, but I also don’t want to invade your space. You had a busy day—”

 “No!” I shouted, cutting him off. I didn’t realize how frantic I sounded because of him leaving, but I quickly gathered myself together. “Sorry… I mean, no. I’m not… You’re not invading my space, Kento. I don’t mind if you stay. Well, I want you to.”

 He looks at me with a dumbstruck expression and I’m only to blame due my sudden outburst when that’s not the norm for me. But after a few seconds, his face softens and acquiesces to my request. 

 “Okay,” he responds.

 I give him a small smile. “We have a lot of catching up to do. Did you want a drink? I have your favorite whiskey.”

 He lets out an airy chuckle that pricks goosebumps along my skin. Hearing Ken’s laugh before I fell in love with him was just a normal sound to me. Now, it deepens my affection for him because seeing him smile is one of my favorite sights. 

 “You know me so well, Y/N.”

 “I do,” I say, pride rushing through my chest. “Did you want to finish talking about your brunch with Aleena?” 

 “There isn’t much to say from what I told you back at the bar. I just remember the conversation being left at why I should have sex to help me move on. According to Satoru.”

 “‘Toru worrying about sex is the exact reason why he lost Camryn,” I teased. “So I don’t think getting relationship advice from me would be ideal.”

 “And you?”

 “And me, what?” I ask, handing him the glass of whiskey. 

 “Do you suggest having sex with others to alleviate a heartbreak?”

 “Oh… uhm—”

 “My apologies. I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

 I shake my head and quickly reassure him. “No, I’m not uncomfortable. It’s just… I’ve done that before… a few times.”

 Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, or I guess you should say dick to cry on about Kento, I’d always find my way in someone else’s bed to mend the pain. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but it was better than being alone at night. 

 So, to some extent, I could understand why Satoru suggested that.

 It wouldn’t work, though. Seeing how head over heels Kento is about Aleena, I doubt it. 

 He scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, sitting up. “Who was stupid enough to break your heart?” You, but you don’t know that. 

 “Just past relationships,” I lied. “Anyways, it’s not a bad suggestion, but I don’t see you doing that, Kento. You’re more of an intimate partner, and an emotional connection is needed with you.”

 “I’m glad someone understands me. According to Satoru, that shouldn’t matter.”

 “Of course it doesn’t to him.”

 He hums. “Would like to know what else he suggested?”

 I feign a laugh. “What?”

 “That I should have sex with you.”

 My eyes nearly left my socket when I looked at Kento in pure disbelief. 

 One, I’m going to flip out on Satoru the next time I see him because I know he does this on purpose in hopes this will further my chances with Ken. Even earlier when he kept putting the spotlight on me at the bar. 

 And two, the embarrassment that I feel of hearing Kento repeat our big mouthed friend’s words has my mind and center going into a frenzy. I would be lying if I said I’m not sexually attracted to Ken. I masturbate to the thought of him, and I dream of having him between my legs. 

 But that’s as far as it will go. He’ll never see me that way or be attracted to me, so those dreams will remain in my head. 

 “Oh, wow… Did he?” I finally responded, nervously. “And what did you say?”

 He sighs, taking a sip of his whiskey. “I told him that I value you as a friend.”

 I don’t know why I expected otherwise.

 “That was half the truth,” he admits. 

 “I’m not… following?” A shocked expression fell upon his face after realizing what said could possibly leave my mind with unanswered questions, causing him to let out a strained laugh.

 “My apologies. I shouldn’t have said that.” He breaks eye contact and runs his hand through his blond locs–a habit Ken does when he shies away.

 “Uh, no… it’s okay, but… I wouldn’t mind hearing the other side of the truth.”

 Kento looks at me and opens his mouth to speak, but leaves me with nothing. Silence fills between us while we hold eye contact, and the thought of him possibly seeing me as more than just a friend takes over my mind. I mean, how else should I take what he said? 

 He only told Satoru half of the truth? So there’s a chance he sees me as more than a friend? Is it a romantic attraction or just physical? I’m not left to think any further before Ken closes space between us by finding my lips with his own. 

 For a moment, I think to myself, am I dreaming? Could I have had too many drinks tonight to where my fantasies start feeling like the real thing? 

 But no. How Kento slips his tongue into my mouth is very real, and his hand at my bare thigh to squeeze feels just as real. I truly cannot believe this is happening right now, to the point I didn’t take the moment to relish how soft his lips are. Way softer than I ever imagined. 

 However, me not kissing him back (because I’m still in shock) and my eyes remaining wide open causes him to stop and return our previous distance. 

 “Y/N, shit… I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he says. And because I am still in shock, I stare at him.

 Ken kissed me. 

 I wasn’t dreaming. It was very real, but… what does this mean? Does he actually like me or is it liquor courage? Is it pathetic of me to not care whatever the case maybe? Probably, however, I’ll think about that at a later time. 

 Now? All I want to do is for once, do the unthinkable, which entrails me straddling Kento’s lap and returning the kiss. 

 This moment can easily be blamed on the amount of drinks we’ve both had, but how my heart is rapidly beating in my chest wouldn’t allow me to lie. 

 Kissing Ken is exactly what I’ve fantasized about every day—a form of tranquility. Kissing him feels like a stroll on the beach with only you and your lover occupying it, basking in the feel of the sand beneath your feet and the calmness of the ocean singing. 

 And I’m not one to take initiative when it comes to kissing or having sex, but tasting his lips is enough motivation. Though, I’m still tentative due to not knowing if he’s wanting this as much as I am, but my insecurity is quickly put to rest when he pulls my hands into his locs and his hands grip my hips. 

 The reserved Kento that I know is tucked away and he becomes greedy when massaging my lips. I gasp at how feral he becomes, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth to deepen our kiss. 

 I love him. I love him so much that it hurts, and whatever happens tonight… I know I’ll probably never get over him. 

 “Y/N,” he breathes. “We… we shouldn’t be doing this.” He says this but how his mouth stays on mine, firm grips on my hips to roll into his erection says otherwise. 

 “Why?”

 He places his face in the crook of my neck to deeply inhale my scent and skim his nose along my flesh. “Can I… do what I want with you?”

 Yes. Yes. Yes. 

 “What would you do?” I ask. 

 “Are you wet?”

 “Come find out.” My consent for Kento to have his way with me unlocked a side of him I’ve always wanted to see. 

 He quickly flips us over, where he’s above me and I lay beneath him, giving us a perfect view of each other. His hair that is usually slicked back is disheveled, and a crimson color spreads across his cheeks. 

 But what really caught my attention was his dick that’s straining against the front of his pants, nearly begging for some attention. 

 “Can I fuck you, Y/N?” His question pulls me from my musings and leaves me speechless. 

 So I answer with a nod. 

 My shorts are off a few seconds later along with my top, and I am left bare underneath Kento. My instincts kick in and I cover myself up with my arms, however, Ken pulls them off to place soft, wet kisses along my skin. 

 “Fuck… no, Y/N. You’re… so fucking perfect.” Kento is not one to curse, but swearing to emphasize his attraction to me has my pussy throbbing. “Just this one time… And we don’t have to ever discuss it again.”

 Should I be surprised? No. Ken made it very clear that he only sees me as a friend, and despite me knowing this, a weight feels like it fell on my chest from the sudden pain that I’m feeling. 

 But I don’t care. I want to experience him. I want to know the type of lover Kento is so I can dream about it forever because this is my only chance. 

 So I’ll put my emotions on hold. I’ll fight back my tears. Whatever is necessary to have him the man I’m in love with inside of me. 

“Okay… Just this once.”

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#anime x black!reader #jjk x black reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x black reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami x black!reader #nanami kento x black reader #nanami kento x reader

[xurname]

Death's In Love With Us

Hwang Yang-jung x reader

🔞 MDNI Warnings: physical abuse, domestic violence, mentions of alcohol, mentions of bdsm

word count: 3166 🖋️ Authors note: I'm not a professional writer, nor a rookie one tbh, I have no idea what I'm doing. English is not my first language. Ignore the banner, it's a result of playing on my phone while daydreaming about our sweet ahjussi. 🖋️

POV: You broke up with your abusive boyfriend a year ago. Despite all attempts to get your life back together, you can't get rid of your ex, who still harasses you any chance he gets. One day, walking home from work, you spot him waiting in front of your apartment so you decide to walk into a sushi restaurant nearby (run by your friend Hwang Yang-jung) before he sees you.

"Good afternoon" - you greet politely, bowing your head slightly in front of the two men working behind the bar, and walk straight to the table. Surprisingly, there were no guests at all. Looking around the empty place you take a seat.

Yang-jung looks up from his cutting board as a smile spreads across his face.

"I didn't expect you here this early." - he’s just finished filleting, washing his hands.

"I know, I stopped by to see you and say hi." - you tried to hide your exhaustion and irritation behind a kind tone and a soft smile. After all, you promised yourself a better life, a normal life.

"Tea?" - he asked lovingly. Both Yang-jung and his sous chef Min-dong knew you well, you've been a regular ever since you've moved to the neighbourhood last year. 

"A beer would be better, but okay … " - you answer playfully.

"Slow down sailor, we still have evening to cover" - Yang-jung was somehow particularly in a good mood.

“Fine! After you guys finish-”, you made drinking gestures with your hands. Yang-jung smirked at your words.

“Actually, I’m skipping tonight” - Min-dong added, preparing the tea for you.

“Wow, ditching us already, it must be a girl, hmm?” - you started teasing.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm going on a blind date, no big deal.”  - he answered and his cheeks blushed, somewhat unusual for such a tall muscular young man.

“So it's just us? That's practically a date too!” - you turned to Yang-jung, winking at him.

He smirked again, shaking his head slightly, already used to your teasing comments. Yang-jung tried his best not to cross any lines when it came to you. You were young enough to be his daughter, and he reminded himself of that fact as many times as necessary since your flirtatious nature made the lines blur quite often.

"Dates don't usually end with one side carrying another home unconscious." - Min-dong spoke fluent sarcasm, where is this bravery coming from all of a sudden?

“A girl gets drunk once! Once!” - you insisted.

“Yeah, except you get drunk every time.” - Min-dong was speaking facts. But you never could drink a lot anyways. Two drinks were enough to lose your balance completely.

You scoffed. “Seriously, oppa, that's just mean...”

The guys laughed, amused by your annoyance.

“Light up, will you? I'd carry you to the end of the world if necessary.” - Yung-jung added casually, serving you a cup of hot tea. You didn't take his words too seriously, he didn't mean it like that after all, but your heart still fluttered to the thought of this charming man handling you in more than just a friendly way.

“Well, that's my cue. Cucumber rolls?” - Min-dong stood up and went behind the bar, feeling awfully uncomfortable by the sudden change of atmosphere.

“Please!” - you asked with a huge grin on your face.

“At least eat some fish. You'll turn into a cucumber roll one of these days if you keep this up.” - Yang-jung wasn't particularly fond of your food choices and he couldn't hide it.

“God, I hope so, maybe you'd take me more seriously then.” - you grinned.

Yung-jung just chuckled quietly at your silly remarks, not taking his eyes off you. It made you shy, the way he looked at you, and you hated the feeling of endless comfort when you were around this man. Or so you kept telling yourself. The truth was, you knew you were too young and didn't even stand a chance with him, no matter how much it tickled your thought.

“So, what's on your heart?” - Yang-jung asked as if seeing right thru you. He never seemed to beat around the bush anyways.

Hesitating, you answered, “I just escaped the king of assholes waiting in front of my apartment.”

Yang-jung raised his eyebrows. “Your ex again? What is it, third time this week?”

“God, sometimes I wish I could fuck up all of his limbs for good.” - you murmured. Memories of the night of your breakup triggered some insane bloodthirst in you, feelings you'd never known of before you got involved with your ex. You didn't feel like drinking the tea anymore, nor eating your rolls, your whole body trembled from the inside as your blood started to boil. Yang-jung knew the expression on your face very well, he silently inspected your reactions as you put all your strength into not letting your rage reach the surface.

“I feel you haven't told me the entire story at all.” - he stood up and walked to the window in the back. He saw a man in his 40s standing in front of the entrance of your building. He didn't look particularly dangerous, nor very muscular, but he wasn't a small guy either. Shaved head, 85 kg, 1.8 m, fairly strong arms and legs, broad shoulders, casual clothes. Something about the look in his eyes didn't feel right to Yang-jung. Finally he asked, "Is he into martial arts?"

"Taekwondo, black belt, first Dan."

Yang-jung smirked, still looking at him. "Knees and hips are his weak spot."

His cold remark went somewhat unnoticed by you.

He turned away from the window and smiled gently, "Care to tell me how you got yourself in this situation?"

Both chefs were now looking directly at you. Min-dong finished your cucumber rolls, served them and walked to the room in the back of the restaurant, leaving the two of you alone.

You sighed deeply. Awful tingles spread across your body almost momentarily, like hundreds of tiny bats swarming all over you, biting even into your palms. Your whole body was screaming on the inside.

Fuck! Here we go... Pity party time! So young and so ruined. All he's gonna see in me from now on are my past mistakes.

No, no, he doesn't need to know the full story, just tell him what you're dealing with.

Lump in your throat grew with each breath you took.

"Okay, take a seat, let's talk."

Reader x ex boyfriend flashback

Your mind wandered, thinking about the countless times your ex prepared you the most horrible surprises. All those times he'd come home drunk and aggressive, slamming you into the wall as soon as he passed thru the door, squeezing your neck until you almost passed out, cursing at you, threatening, calling you names, using his strength to pin you down for god knows what reason. Every time he laid his hands on your body it hurt, taking caution not to leave bruises on any visible parts of your body. It got unbearable by the end. The more you feared him the more he enjoyed it, the more you cried, the more manic he was. Blaming yourself for ever telling him about your sexual fantasies along with feeling disgusted by yourself was a part of your everyday life until the very end of your relationship. He used it against you first chance he got. What started as a healthy exploration of consensual rough foreplay with a hint of rookie bondage, ended up as an abuser-victim hell of a situation you didn't know how to escape from. Your fight or flight response messed up your brain chemistry as each day passed and you no longer knew if that's even love or if you despised him with your entire being. He always found a way to make you stay, he even begged you on his knees not to leave him, swearing on his mom he never meant you no harm. It was a never ending circle of shit show. Even after you finally left his place for good, he kept finding ways to get in contact with you. Finding out where you live was an easy task for a twisted person like him. "I see everything, I know everything", those were the words he repeated so often while you were dating, as if giving verbal spankings, using any chance he got to feed you a dose of fear and insanity. Everything you did for him was always out of love and kindness, thinking if only you could be the best version of yourself, he'll be good to you. But he never was good to you, his actions never made sense and you never understood the reasons behind those words. He knew about every step you took, nevertheless, few of his paranoias followed him and echoed louder and louder in his mind, as his cycles of insanity were on the periodical rise and fall. He rambled about possibilities of you dumping him quite often, crying over himself, trying to make you feel sorry for him. He talked about his boss's employees constantly checking up on his location. He even tried convincing you how they spy on him during his lunch breaks. His delusions drove him to believe he's some sort of a public officer, or an intelligence agency employee with a task to be alert at all times, when in fact he was nothing more than a secretary working at a private real-estate agency. Soon, after the honey moon phase ended, you realized his whole persona was a big lie, that's also when the first troubles started, but it was all to late for you to leave, you were already in too deep. Your inexperience was exploited for the first time. Welcome to the real world, honey. Well, it took you long before you started getting up on your own feet, and you found a way to navigate thru his cycles of insanity. You took your time and learned all you could, only to find out he's been living multiple lives all along. The only thing he didn't lie about was in fact his black belt in taekwondo and that he was a divorcee. The last time he threatened you with physical force was the night you left him for good.

"I'm not as clueless as you think I am." - you hissed as he held you by the throat. His bloody eyes were filled with rage and his breath smelled like alcohol.

"One wrong move and you'll end up behind the bars. My family knows where I am, and don't think I won't walk straight to the police if you leave so much as a mark on me. I dare you." - your whole body trembled of adrenaline rush but your mind worked fast.

"Well, well, look at you all brave, who would've thought you'd turn into such a snake, finally showing your real face, huh-"

"I couldn't care less even if you snapped my neck this instant." you laughed, slowly losing every touch with sanity. 

"You lose either way. Or did you forget?" - your laughter grew louder as he stared at you in horror, not knowing how to react. He had you by the weakest spot yet the look in your eyes was telling a completely different story. He never saw you acting like this, his blood froze. 

"Your black belt", you spoke thru laughter on the verge of a mental breakdown, "your black belt is treated as a cold weapon in the eyes of the law."

Despite hating yourself as much as you hated him, the thought of this abusive bastard ending up behind the bars for cold blooded murder sent an unusual shot of satisfaction thru your entire body. You knew he never had it in him though. He was a coward on all levels and this round was yours. A solid threat works like a charm on scumbags like him who are usually scared of their own shadow. It was written all across his face that he's finally cornered. Any chance for him to plot a sadistic revenge on the only woman who was ever kind and loving to him was completely lost. You didn't know if he'd slam your head onto the kitchen counter or not, but you could feel his hand trembling. Your laughter echoed thru the kitchen as his grip became weaker and weaker, an expression of misery and regret spread across his face. He feared you. For the first time ever, he stood in front of you, completely falling apart. 

He got on his knees again, like so many times before, begging for forgiveness. Vomit of lies started coming out of him, how much he loves you and how this is just a minor misunderstanding. He'd never hurt you and there's nothing but love he feels for you. You're his everything. You stopped counting his strikes long ago and you knew if you don't walk out of there that same night, you may never see the light of day after this, for real. The change in his tone from all mighty to smaller than an ant sickened you. Of course, there's nothing but hatred left in his heart. Hatred and fear, jealousy and shame. Cowards like him hate it when they lose from someone weaker than them, and they would do anything in their power to win their victims back, just so they can hurt them again.

"Next time you decide to lay a hand on me, better make sure I have a well sharpened knife in mine. That's only fair."

Those were the last words he heard from you on the night of your breakup. Breakup from hell. And you thought the trash is out of your life for good, little did you know your fearless attitude and insane threats only awoke in him an obscure obsession towards you. 

It didn't take long to finish the story of your rocky past relationship, considering you tried your best to avoid going into too much detail of how your ex abused you, physically and mentally. Yang-jung sat right across from you, staying completely silent. You looked down, not daring to look Yang-jung in the eyes any longer.

"A wife beater, huh? Who would have thought." - Yang-jung broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Brave." - he paused for a moment. "Was that him who kept calling all this time? Is that why you changed your number?" - Yung-jung's voice was extremely calm, a little too calm. You nodded silently.

"He kept calling from different numbers. And somehow he found out where I live soon after that."

"He probably tailed you, if he knows where you work, which I assume he does. It isn't that difficult. Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?"

You closed your eyes, letting out another deep sigh. “Isn't it obvious?”

He didn't say a word. He looked at your face instead, trying to read your expression, but there was nothing. The facade on the outside hid a wild turmoil inside your head. Soft and gentle nature of your whole figure, along with your kind voice and elegant movements were completely the opposite of darkness you carried within you. It was hard to hold it in, especially now, but you didn't want to hide any parts of yourself in front of Yang-jung any longer.

“I wish I could fuck him up, you know? For all that he's done and for all that he's still doing.” - you said, looking him straight in the eye. “I'm not the only one with a dark past or present, but I hate these parts of me. I hate that I feel this way. I hate the desperation and helplessness. I hate the nightmares still haunting me. I hate that I let a lowly man take advantage of me for so long. And I hate that I have to tell you any of this. I hate that you won't look at me the same way you looked at me yesterday, and I hate that my ex keeps fucking up every part of my life, still, I hate it.”

Yang-jung's eyes were the softest and kindest eyes ever. The way he looked at you made you almost choke on your own words, those hateful words which made you feel like you're spewing poison in front of the one who never deserved to hear them in the first place. You could see tears in the corners of his eyes and the only thought that went thru your mind was I hate myself so. fucking. much.

You wanted to jump out of your own skin, or rewind the time and walk directly up to that bastard and face him all alone, instead of running to Yang-jung and hiding at his work place. That's not something one should do to their friends. It's not fair. He didn't deserve this.

Realising how much pain you've been carrying this entire time, Yang-jung spoke softly, "You should have told me… Out of all people, you should have come to me. I would have already made sure he never gets close to you again."

Was that a hint of anger in his voice? Or was it all just pity? It didn't matter. His words couldn't sober you back to your senses, they didn't even reach you. You were spiralling straight into a pitch black void. 

"It doesn't matter, it really doesn't. It is what it is." - you said in somewhat slow motion manner. "Just... don't look at me like I'm going to break into a thousand pieces, please, I can't take it."

"You've done well by telling me this."

You smiled softly, not feeling anything on the inside.

"Yang-jung, do you think I could turn his knees into a mush with a baseball bat?" - you scoffed. Dark humor was always your kind of thing, but saying something as dark as that now of all times didn't make it look like a joke anymore.

"There are far less demanding and easier techniques. But when the time comes I'll make sure you do whatever you need to do to him."

What?!

You wanted to burst into a hysterical laughter, but you held it in the best you could. A rush of adrenaline and relief washed over your entire body, leaving goosebumps on your skin. It took you a few moments to realise what the hell this man was telling you. But then it hit you like a cargo train. You opened your mouth trying to word out something. Yang-jung inspected the changes on your face, waiting for you to speak up. You couldn't tell if he's only comforting you, or are you seriously a meter away from a criminal who would move mountains for you, if only you asked. Moments passed and he was almost sure he got ahead of himself.

Seeing you all hesitant, he finally continued, "Unless-"

"Are you serious?" - you cut him off. "Are you...?"

You asked for reassurance, nothing else. Words stuck in your throat. Was Yang-jung really telling you what you think you heard? Is he really who you think he is?

"Don't make me regret my words." - he warned you, unsure of what's on your mind. He was dead serious.

"Ahjussi," - you whimpered, reaching for his hand across the table, "please, don't say that. You're the only real person I have. Do I need to spill my heart out even more?"

His face softened. He took your hand in his and kissed it.

"You're safe here."

____

Author's note 2: It took some time, but here it is finally. I know it's probably not what many of you expected, and I left the open (?) ending in hopes for part 2. Also, if I need to add any more warnings or notes on the classification or tags of any kind, please let me know, since I don't have much experience with these things. Thank you for reading 🫶🏻

tagging a few of sweethearts who interacted with my original posts (link 1, link 2) and expressed their enthusiasm for this fic, pushing me to write it (I hope it wasn't too underwhelming for you in the end): @quillinhand @slutforaemond @castleninja @posessedbytheinternet (I can't tag you for some reason :/)

#bloodhounds kdrama #bloodhounds netflix #bloodhounds fanfic #hwang yang jung #hwang yang jung imagine #hwang yang jung fanfic #hwang yang jung x reader #hwang yang jung x y/n #kdrama fanfic

[hot-crossedbuns]

being trans is so weird.

I'm trans masc. in transitioning towards presenting more masculine. if I could I would have a hysterectomy and top surgeryl right now.

but I just saw a Reddit thread about "girl secrets" and I found myself in the comments of hundreds of people describing the mundane aspects of their womanhood, like making sure you get the leftovers out when you shower at the of of you period or the weird adjustment thing you have to do with your boobs sometimes when trying to sleep.

My hair has always been a source of dysphoria for me, always being complimented on my hair, long and thick, natural highlights and gentle curls. all I ever wanted until I finally gave in at 17 was to chop it all off. I'd get a buzz cut if it meant people stopped seeing me from behind and immediately clocking me as a girl because it went right down my back even in my ratty ponytail.

but I saw this tiktok on how women often swoosh their pony tails behind them when they walk, because it's fun. and it is! I always found some joy in that before I finally cut it off and felt pride in my hair for the first time ever.

my co-workers are all women, cisgender women who don't know that I'm not one of them. to them I'm just the short haired lesbian that works shifts with them. but this means they include me in their monthy girls nights and I get to feel the joy of being the inside of some secret club I never really felt a part of as a kid. it's fun hearing them chat shit about their exes, talk about those weird things that only happen to women because of our anatomy.

and yet, I'm taking steps to turn away from that, because while these spaces are safe and familiar to me, they what's felt unnatural and like I was intruding on something not meant for me.

I'm taking these steps to look and be seen the way that makes me confident and empowered, and yet I'm time I'll lose the experience of talking to random women fixing their make up in the at the mirrors in public toilets, or seeing 5 drunk women tell a random stranger she's beautiful when they find her ex left her for someone prettier.

Men don't have that support. and I'll lose that forever when I transition.

and yeah, once I visibly transition I don't have to be as afraid of walking home at night, and yeah i won't have to hear drunk old men hit on me after telling me I look like their grandaughters, and yeah I won't have to deal with sexist jokes made at my expense by my guy friends.

but once women stop seeing me as a woman and start seeing me for me, suddenly my past, my whole childhood, where i believed I would be a woman the rest of my life, suddenly changes meaning.

if I were to talk about those weirdly sexual and creepy comments my best friends boyfriend made for months, it's just guys being dudes. if I mention the time my boss's boyfriend smacked my ass during a busy shift, it's just a bro tap. if I mention how random guys at work often try to hug me or hold my hands or call me pet names, it stops being harassment and just starts being guys messing about.

if I mention how my cramps can immobilise me, or how much I hate wearing tampons or how dogs do that weird thing where they just keep sniffing your crotch or how sometimes my ovary cramps and it's rock hard beneath the skin, or how frustrating it is when your period comes 2 days early and ruins the underwear you liked or it's a week late for absolutely no god forsaken reason and your hormones are all over the place, and you're moody, tired, angry, sad, hungry bloated and nauseous all at once, they're just look at me all funny because his could I, someone who looks and presents as a guy, possibly know what it's like to be a woman.

as if I didn't live as one for 20 years.

as if I didn't plan to live my life as a woman.

as if I didn't grow up being someone's daughter, sister or niece.

as if I didn't expect to be someone's mother, wife or aunt.

being trans is weird, because once you realise it, all of your life experience slowly stops mattering.

it's weird because yes I want the world to separate me from who they always assumed I would be, yes I want them to stop seeing me as that little girl who didn't quite know how to be a girl. yes I want them to see me the way I've always felt I was supposed to be... but I don't want them to only see the masc side of me.

my girlhood, my femininity, my lived experience as a female in the 21st century all helped shape who I am now, and just because I'm trans doesn't mean that goes away.

but no one really sees that.

and yeah, it's a good thing, it means the world is finally starting to see me for who I've always known myself to be.

but knowing that part of me is slowly fading is weird.

being trans is so weird.

and so frustrating.

all at once.

#im just having a weird time #dysphorias been kicking my ass #and that reddit post about 'girl secrets' really fucked me up a little #anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk #trans #transgender #transmasc #trans man #trans issues #lgbtq

[wolfnanaki]

What Happened To Me Yesterday

Figured I might as well catch people up, since this all went down on 4chan and Twitter. Some nasty words are said so tread lightly.

I used to frequent 4chan in my younger years, and just by happenstance, I was scrolling through their /co/ Comics and Cartoons board yesterday during some casual off time between job hunting. I saw a Helluva Boss thread, and within it, some people have developed a conspiracy theory regarding Loona.

If you're a fan of Helluva Boss, you'll recognize that in the past three episodes of season 2, Loona, one of the most popular characters in the show, has had no speaking roles. People attributed to this being because of the death of her partner a few years back, but Erica Lindbeck, her voice actress, confirmed this to not be the case, so there was still heavy speculation. And a few days ago, Erica was harassed by AI bros after she requested a video using an AI replication of her voice to be taken down; the harassment got so bad that Erica deactivated her Twitter.

Anyway, 4chan users concocted a conspiracy theory stating that: Vivziepop's funds were being bled dry by changes to Hazbin Hotel requested by A24, Erica recognized how popular Loona is and was demanding higher pay, and Viv was retaliating by cutting her out of the show and is trying to replace her, either with an AI replication or a new, cheaper VA. A Loonaspiracy.

(Ah yes, A24, famous for "family friendly" content like Hereditary, Midsommar, The Witch, and Ex Machina. Trying to make a show about demons more family oriented. Right.)

It was so on-its-face ridiculous that I took a screencap of the posts and I posted them on Twitter so I could laugh at them with a few of my friends and maybe some other Helluva Boss fans.

What I did not count on was Viv herself responding.

Viv then went on to start a separate thread about the topic and cleared up the misinformation and conspiracy theory. Because season 2 is longer than season 1, all the episodes had a tighter budget and therefore, they didn't have Loona speak in every episode to save costs. This is an independently funded show, after all.

So anyway, my phone notifications start blowing up with people liking/retweeting/replying to my tweet, and my tweets get shared on 4chan. The response was not great.

Why am I showing you this?

Because I think it illustrates an incredibly important point. These people believed so hard in an obviously bullshit conspiracy that when confronted with the truth, they'd rather attack a marginalized person than admit they were wrong.

This is no different from how almost all conservatives act.

There are people who cannot - and will not - be convinced their beliefs are wrong, even when the truth is in front of them. You cannot convince these kinds of people to stop being racist, sexist, queerphobic, or whatever. They are told their actions and beliefs are evil, and their response is "Evil will have to do."

Don't waste your breath praying they become better people or trying to convince them to change. The best things you can do are to stay away from them if you can, but step in and protect the people they're trying to harm.

And as for 4chan... just stay away, lmao. There's nothing of value there, except maybe a life lesson of how not to be.

#Nanaki's Life #4chan #Vivziepop #Helluva Boss #transphobia #transgender #Twitter

[abbatoirablaze]

Ex Wive's Club, Chapter 5

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings:  angst, mentions of disappearances, sneaky! Steve, mentions of injury to a child.

Bucky/Mel

“They almost always side with the mother in custody cases…”Your lawyer said with a sad smile.  Your heart felt like it dropped into the pit of your stomach with the look they were giving you. 

“But?” you asked gently, “why are you looking sad?  I’m the mother.  I have a stable income.  I-“

“You’re an exotic dancer, Melissa,” your lawyer began sadly, “and Mr. Barnes has-“

“Steve,” you finished, knowing that’s where the conversation was ultimately heading.  He nodded and you scoffed, “you know…the great Captain America isn’t as golden as the world gets to see.  Steve’s a-“

“Mrs. Barnes…don’t finish that sentence,” your lawyer advised, “Captain America is a beloved figure here…”

“I don’t give a damn,” You growled, cutting their thoughts short, “Steve is nothing but a conniving, manipulative ass…and he’s not the one I’m going up against.  It’s James.  Now are you going to help me, or not?”

Seven lawyers.

Two different court cases.

The first judge had sided with you, saying that you were to get custody of Jasper in the divorce, with Bucky having sporadic visits due to his schedule with the Avengers. 

Only, Steve didn’t like that answer. 

And two days later it was all over the news that your judge was biased against superheroes because of his wife being one of their unfortunate casualties in defense of the city years ago when the Avengers had gone up against aliens in New York.   Soon after that your lawyer was refusing to go back to trial…before they disappeared. 

After the second and third lawyers ran off without a trace it was harder to find someone to take the case.  You managed to start the second court case on lawyer number four.

But the first day in, Bucky and Steve turned over tapes of the lawyer meeting with a court bailiff, which caused them both to get dismissed because of ‘suspicious actions’  The fifth took the case, only to recuse themselves once they realized Steve was in the courtroom, and the sixth quit after their brake lines were cut and they were t-boned at an intersection. 

And so, you had managed to go it alone.  Until you met your current lawyer. 

He was nervous and unsure about taking the case to begin with, but saw how desperate you were.  Jasper was old enough to understand things, and he saw the constant bickering back and forth of you on your phone with his father.  He heard the endless arguments, and saw how distraught you had been after each lawyer managed to disappear. 

He saw Steve show up to the apartments that you’d rented time and time again, harassing you to let Bucky see him.  He used his own stardom as leverage, telling your landlords and neighbors horrible lies about you until they alienated you and kicked you out. 

And you felt all the rage deep within you as you watch Steve get called up to speak about Bucky’s character. 

“Would you please state your name for the court.”

“Captain Steven Grant Rogers,” he smiled charmingly, looking around the court, “though you may know me by another name; Captain America.”

“Captain…we’re here today to discuss your relationship with James and Melissa Barnes and how you’ve come to know them.”

Steve gave a slight frown, his jaw ticking at the mention of your name, “They are divorced.  She’s not a ‘Barnes’.  Can you not refer to her by my best friend’s last name?”

“Does it bother you, captain?” your lawyer asked, “that she-“

“She used my best friend,” Steve said quickly, cutting your lawyer off, “of course it bothers me.  She’s a stripper who used Buck and tricked him into marrying her and knocking her up!”

You looked at Bucky, but he kept his gaze set on Steve.  Your lawyer’s voice cut into your own sadness once more, pulling you out of the once happy memories you shared with your now ex-husband, “Captain Rogers…the relationship appears to be consensual and loving up un-“

“She tricked him!” Steve accused, “I’m the only one that truly knows Buck.  The real Buck.  The guy who was in love with his country.  The man who fought for it.  A fun-loving, charming man.  But Buck changed back when Hydra took him and turned him into a weapon.  And when he went to Wakanda and had their programming removed, it left him feeling empty.  Sure…a good bit of that void was filled when he found his daughter Cami and adopted her, but Buck needed love from a good woman…he needed a wife.  His family was gone, and the extended version of it wanted nothing to do with him.  All anyone saw was his arm and the Winter Soldier.”

“But not Mrs. Barnes…”

“Missy is a stripper at a club we went to,” Steve snarled, “a few mutual friends wanted us to get out there…we were single dads after all…we are…she took advantage of that fact.  Took advantage of Buck’s loneliness…”

“Mr. Rogers we don’t need any speculation on what you think the relationship was like,” your lawyer began, “we just need the fac-“

“It’s captain.”

“Excuse me?”

“You called me Mr. Rogers,” Steve said firmly, “I’m a Captain, and I would prefer to be addressed as such.  I fought long enough for our country, and I have earned the title of Captain.”

“Of course…my apologies, captain,” he began, “now, back to my original question of Mr. Barnes’ character…how would you describe him?”

“Bucky is the best man I’ve ever met.  I could speak on his character for days!” Steve grinned, returning to his charming front, “he’s been the one person I knew I could count on no matter how crazy the world has gotten.”

“And how is he as a father?”

“Excellent,” Steve beamed, “his daughter Cami gets straight A’s in school.  She’s got a tutor, and Buck always makes sure they spend quality time together outside of her extra-curricular activities.  He’s raised a real well-rounded, swell gal.”

“Well, Captain Rogers, Mrs. Barnes had a hand in raising young Cami,” your lawyer reminded Steve, “she’s been in her life since she was six or seven, isn’t that correct?”

“Missy didn’t raise Cami.  Buck did.”

“Endless missions for the Avengers,” your lawyer shrugged, “Mr. Barnes was a busy man.”

“Buck, first of all, is a sergeant.  He earned his title for his country, just as I did.  And he only did those missions to protect every citizen here.  He’s a national hero just like the rest of us.  He shouldn’t be criticized because he wasn’t home all of the time…”

“But Mrs. Barnes was home all the time,” your lawyer said quickly, “shouldn’t she get some credit for how Mr. Barnes other child turned out?”

“No!” Steve said firmly, his jaw ticking.  He looked towards you and shot you another glare, “Missy doesn’t deserve any of the credit for how Cami turned out.”

The room was silent for a moment, tense in every sense of the word.  Bucky’s lawyer stood up quickly, “your honor…I would like to request a recess before cross-examination of the witness to Sergeant Barnes’ character.”

“Very well,” the judge said quickly, banging his gavel, “court will be in recess for fifteen minutes.  Then we will do the cross-examination of Captain Rogers.  Captain, you may step down…”

“Thank you, your honor.” Steve said sweetly, standing up to remove himself.  You watched as Bucky’s lawyer stood, and everyone began to file out of the court room.  Your ex-husband excused himself without a single glance to you, and made your way back to the adjoining room, where you knew Jasper was. 

As soon as the door clicked, your smile returned.  Your baby boy ran at you, attacking your legs in a hug, “Momma!”

“My sweet, precious boy,” you sighed, lifting your son up into your arms, “are you okay?  Is the court babysitter being good to you?  Did you have a snack?  Are you hungry?”

“Jasper has been a delight the whole day, Mrs. Barnes,” the middle-aged woman smiled, “nothing short of an angel.”

“Momma, I drew you and daddy!” Your heart ached as your son scrambled out of your arms and raced back to the table where a stick figure drawing sat with some discarded crayons, “is you and daddy and sissy.”

Your hand went to his hair, and you smoothed it down, “baby…it’s perfect…”

“Mrs. Barnes!” a voice said quickly.  You turned and noticed that it was one of the officers of the court, “we have to get back in a few minutes…and sergeant Barnes would like a moment to see Jasper.”

“Alright,” you nodded slowly.  You looked to your son once more, “baby…daddy wants to see you and mommy has-“

“No momma, don’t go,” Jasper begged, holding onto you.  You sighed and the door clicked open once more.  Your eyes met Bucky’s own sad, blue orbs, “momma, stay with me and daddy…”

“Baby…”

“Mommy’s going to be right outside,” Bucky said firmly, shooting you a look, “isn’t that right, Mel?”

“Y-yeah,” you nodded, trying to be fair about it, “baby…mommy’s just going to be right outside, okay?”

“Love you momma…”

“I love you too, baby.” You whispered, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.  He let you go, and you walked past Bucky.  You stopped short when you heard Jasper’s small voice as your hand turned the handle on the door.

“Momma, you love daddy too?”

“Of course, baby,” you whispered softly, not daring to turn and look Bucky in the eye; but you knew he heard you just the same, “mommy will always love daddy…”

The recess had been extended when your lawyer didn’t come back, leaving Bucky with more time in the room with Jasper, while you stood nervously at the door to the courtroom. 

Steve had made you all the more nervous, lurking around, talking to reporters and people who had come by to show there support for The avenger fighting a custody case, and people just wanting to show up for Captain America.

“You know…it’s not too late for all of this to be over, Mel.”

“Don’t talk to me, Steve,” you spat, barely giving him a look, “and don’t call me Mel…”

“I’m just trying to be cordial is all,” he shrugged, acting like he was the most innocent man on the face of the earth, “pretty wild that the case is dragging on, isn’t it?”

Your eyes shot to his, and he smiled, “What did you do, Rogers.”

“Me?  Nothing!  I didn’t do a thing,” he shrugged absentmindedly, “I just think its funny…it’s like the world doesn’t want you to have custody of Jasper.  Lawyer after lawyer disappearing or quitting.  Judges that dislike us so we have to reopen the case because of a bias…”

“Did you do something to my lawyer, Steve?”

He smiled a little bit more, “ a bit paranoid, are you?”

“So help me god, if you keep standing in my way, Steve, I-“

“You’ll what?” he taunted, his look turning deadly, while his voice remained low, “you’ll take us to court again?  How’s that working out for you, sweetheart?  I’ve seen that sweet little body move on a pole so I know how much it can make, but pretty soon all those court costs are going to start hemorrhaging your bank account.”

“You’re a snake in the grass,” you hissed, “and one day, you’ll get what’s coming to you…”

“Mmmm god, I hope so,” he all but purred, the smile returning to his face as he continued in his quiet tone, “hopefully it’s you begging on your hands and knees…you know, once you’re sad and desperate for it.  You’ll just be begging for me to fill up that tight little cu-“

His words were cut off by a harsh slap. 

The noise echoed through the crowded hall of the court room.  Everyone stopped what they were doing, and then before you could so much as process the fact that you had just slapped Steve cameras were flashing wildly, and your arms were being pulled quickly behind your back.

“Melissa Barnes, you’re under arrest for assaulting someone on courthouse grounds,” an officer began, the locks on the handcuffs clicking into place, “you have the right to remain silent.  You-“

“Captain Rogers are you alright?”

“YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS STEVE!” you yelled as the officers pulled you through the hallway and into a door away from the noise, “YOU AND JAMES WON’T GET MY SON!”

Ten days. 

You’d been locked up in a holding cell for ten days while they ‘processed’ what had happened at the courthouse. 

Bucky had gotten custody of Jasper, and you were locked up. 

It wasn’t fair in any sense of the word. 

“Barnes!” a voice called, forcing you to look up.  Your eyes were wide to see the door open.  Your mouth ran dry as the guard gestured for you to get up, “you’ve been bailed out!”

You didn’t wait. 

You followed the guard out of the cell and down the hall, all the way to a back ally where a car was waiting with tinted windows. 

Your brow furrowed and as you went to turn to ask the guard what was going on, you found that he was gone and that the door had already been closed, leaving you alone with the town car. 

A man walked around and opened the door. 

You gasped, “Cami…”

She gave you a soft smile and you got in.  When the door closed behind you, she pulled off her sunglasses. 

She’d had mascara running down her cheeks.  You didn’t hesitate to use your sleeves to wipe away the mess, “baby…baby no.  Why are you crying?  W-what’s wrong?”

“I-“

“Wait!” you exclaimed, cutting her off as you held her in your arms, “how did you get here?  You can’t be here, Cami.  What if your dad-“

“I stole the money from his safe to bail you out!” she said quickly, cutting you off this time, “I-I know what my dad and Steve did…and it wasn’t right.  I know that dad wanted Jasper…but this wasn’t…it’s not right mom…”

“You shouldn’t be here,” you said gently, holding onto her face, “oh baby, you shouldn’t be here.  Your dad will lose his mind if you aren’t home…or if he finds out the money is gone…”

“Dad and Steve took Jasper out…” she said quickly, “Sam knows I’m coming to get you…he’s been asking where you are, but Steve just keeps telling him you’re gone…when we found out that they had locked you up-Sam helped me mom…I had to come get you mom…”

“Oh baby…”

You broke down into tears with Cami, holding her in your arms while the driver made his way to your apartment.  When the two of you arrived, you were shocked.  The door was left wide open, the snow having traveled into the entryway of the apartment. 

“Mom…”

“Stay here Cami…”

“Mom you were robbed…” Cami said in disbelief, “mom we need to call the cops…”

“I wasn’t robbed…stay here, Cami!” you warned her.  She nodded and you made your way into the apartment.  It was completely trashed.  Words like ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ were spray painted across the beige walls in loud colors.  There was broken glass and pictures with your face x’ed out.  Your room was the same. 

It looked like most of your clothes and your bed was sliced open and the springs had begun to be pulled out.  Every material part of your life was destroyed, and you knew that it would cost a pretty penny to replace it all. 

You rushed to Jaspers room.

It was empty. 

All except for a little white note card that read two words. 

We win.

The tears began to fall down your cheeks once more as you instantly knew who it was from.  All of Jasper’s items were cleared out and that was the only room in the apartment that looked like it took no damage. 

Your stomach twisted in knots and while you knew Steve was responsible you desperately hoped that your ex-husband wasn’t in on it as well. 

“Oh my god….”

You turned on your heel and looked at Cami, eyes wide, “ I told you to stay outside.”

“I-It’s Sam,” she said quickly, holding out her phone, “mom…something happened to Jasper…we-we need to go to the hospital.”

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach as you grabbed the phone, “S-Sam…what happened?”

“You need to come to the hospital, Mel…trust me…get over here now.”

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” Steve all but roared, glaring at you, “SHOULDN’T YOU BE IN JAIL?  SECURITY!”

“Hey…Hey-back up!” Sam began, glaring at the handful of security that had rushed towards Steve, “this is the mother of the child.  Back up!”

“Sam what the hell?” Bucky growled, glaring at him, “Mel, you aren’t supposed to be here!”

“What happened to Jasper?”

“Why is Cami with you?” Bucky asked, his brow furrowing, “Cami?  Baby doll why aren’t you at Sasha’s studying for that test?”

“What did you do to Jasper, James?”

“I didn’t do anything!” He growled, turning his attention towards you, “Mel, you need to leave!  Right now!”

“Actually, Mrs. Barnes is supposed to be here!” A woman’s voice began. 

“And who are you?” Steve hissed.

“I’m the social worker assigned to this case.”

Bucky looked like he’d been stabbed in the chest.  He took a step back, “-a-a case worker? What the hell do I need a caseworker for?”

“Well Mr. Barnes, had Jasper been a normal child, he would have been killed today!”

You gasped, your hands going to your mouth, “wh-what?  Jasper…is he?”

“Your son is fine for the most part!” the caseworker said sympathetically, looking towards you, “he did more damage to the bus than he received, I promise!”

“Bu-bus?”

She frowned, “Mrs. Barnes…how much do you know about the primary care of your son, Jasper, after Mr. Barnes got primary custody?”

“I-I slapped Steve at the courthouse and they had me locked up since the hearing,” You admitted nervously, “I-I didn’t know anything until just a little bit ago…I went to my apartment…and someone…broke in and took all of my son’s stuff, and then trashed my apartment.”

“Steve?” Bucky asked, looking wildly at his best friend for a moment.  Then he turned to you, “what do you mean your apartment was trashed, Mel?”

“Vagrants are wild in DC, Buck…I locked the door after the movers and I left…who knows what happened?”

For a moment it was like Bucky didn’t know what to believe.  His eyes turned towards his friend once more, before looking to the caseworker, “why are you here?”

“There was an emergency meeting at the courthouse just an hour ago while your son was undergoing scans, Mr. Barnes,” she said simply, “the judge watched security footage taken from a store across the street, and noticed that you weren’t even paying attention to young Jasper when he ran into open traffic.”

“Open traffic?”

It felt like your heart stopped when the woman said that, but Steve waved her off, “Jas is a strong kid…Buck was turning around to get a toy out of the bag…”

“That’s right, Captain Rogers, and it was you who overthrew the ball…the ball that made Jasper run out into traffic trying to get it!”

You turned towards Steve, and he rolled his eyes, “so I overthrew the ball.  It was an accident and Jasper is okay.  Everyone is oka-“

“Jasper has multiple lacerations and broken bones, Captain Rogers.  The fact that you and Mr. Barnes see no issue with that is-“

“I see the issues!” Bucky said quickly, cutting her off, “it shouldn’t have happened.  And it won’t happen again, I promise.  I just looked away for a second!  I-“

You’re right, Mr. Barnes,” the caseworker replied, “it won’t happen again.  After speaking with the judge, as well as some character witnesses around the tower and Jasper himself, and finding out that your daughter is the actual primary caregiver of your son, the state is awarding primary custody to Mrs. Barnes.”

“WHAT?”

“Effective immediately, Jasper will be in Mrs. Barnes care, Mr. Barnes!”

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” Bucky growled, glaring at the woman, “It was one mistake!  One accident!”

“An accident that could have costed him his life, had he not had the same abilities to you, Mr. Barnes,” she said sadly, “I’m sorry, but your ex wife will be given primary custody of Jasper, and you will have monitored visitations!  Mrs. Barnes…would you care to see your son?”

You nodded, and she led you away while Bucky punched a hole in the wall and stormed down the hall of the hospital, angrily yelling as he left. 

Chapter 6

Tag List:  @Cjand10, @huntress-artemiss, @lohnes16, @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @teambarnes72, @elbell20-blog

#ex wives club #sergeant james buchanan barnes #sergeant james barnes #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky #marvel #avengers #dark steve rogers #captain america #sam wilson

[comm-caribou]

Alright… let’s talk…

(Honestly, this post is mostly just an update on my life and why I’ve been off tumblr all year)

This is going to be a very long post with a lot of venting. No sugar coating it, no beating around the bush.

I’ve had some pretty messed up and awful things happen in my life, I don’t like talking about them openly. However, those things were spread out… this year SUCKED!

To explain where I’ve been, we have to start back in October when I stopped posting as much regularly.

I met a guy at work, we got along really great… but he just got out of an abusive relationship. Despite what I thought was an instant connection, he was wary of me and based on my own experience, I was guarded. We danced around this crush for weeks before our coworkers caught on and someone told him I’m single, someone told me he’s single, and we were exchanging numbers.

Despite dumping him and “wanting-nothing-to-do-with-him”, his ex continued to find reasons to message him or break into his home… so finding out he met someone, she was livid and somehow got both my number and my name. She was calling me and harassing me from an unknown number so I couldn’t even block her. When he found out, he ended up getting into a big fight with her and the ex disappeared, but it wasn’t over.

This guy and I started dating. We were happy and having fun learning all about each other, then my “friends” started cutting into the relationship and putting pressure on both of us. We weren’t even boyfriend/girlfriend yet and they were telling him to buy me stuff, give me flowers, take me places, and do things for me! If I told them to stop, they’d tell me they were just playing and to lighten up. In hindsight, I know I should of did better in stopping them, after all, it wasn’t fair to him to be harassed like that even if he said it didn’t bother him.

Things began falling apart in December. My (now ex) best friend invited me to a Christmas party. I don’t like parties, but she said he could come too. We went, he got a little drunk, she kept separating us to spend time with me, he got more drunk, I got overstimulated and annoyed, and I drove him home. Three days before Christmas, I get screenshots from his ex. He sent her drunk texts saying “I miss you, but I have a girlfriend now” and “I don’t feel happy anymore, I don’t have fun anymore”

What hurt worse a week before that, he told me I make him feel alive again and that he was falling in love with me. In less than a week, the same person who whispered he loved me told his ex he feels like nothing now that she’s gone.

I cried, vented to my friend, she comforted me, and then stabbed me in the back. I had told her not to bring it up because I wanted to talk to him and try to work this out. She told all our mutual friends and any coworker who would listen that he cheated on me right before Christmas, and guess who’s side they obviously took: mine.

I didn’t even get to talk to him before half the store knew some version of the story.

How he found out I knew was from one of his department coworkers—who has known me for years—basically going back there and asking him “what the f*ck is wrong with you?” and him getting an earful from the same people who helped push us together.

He was rightfully mad at me, but more so at my friend for sharing our business like that. We tried to get past it, but I was still hurt and I unintentionally made him very unliked employee.

I squashed the rumors, and people backed off.

His problems resolved. Mine didn’t.

I broke up with him. Deep down, I didn’t want to, but with everything happening I didn’t feel strong enough to keep going and he let me walk away saying I’m still his favorite coworker.

I cried for days, I was in love with him despite how much he hurt me.

A few weeks later I was informed the job I applied for in September was hiring again. I reapplied in January and got in, but it was going to be a long hiring process.

I still really liked my ex, it hurt seeing him, but we were still friends. My friends said it was very obvious he still cared for me, that there was a chance we could start again. He only came to me even if I had a line, he’d say hello to me, he’d make sure he said goodbye before leaving, he kept all my doodles, and I was delusional enough to believe them when they said that those were signs he still has feelings for me.

Except, he contacted his ex. The same person who abused him and harassed me multiple times was getting a second chance. It was Valentine’s Day and he told me I needed to forget him while I cried in the parking lot.

My friend dragged me out to the movies that night. I was heartbroken for this man all over again, and she was venting to me about how I was lucky since her crush doesn’t even notice her and that she’d give anything to have an one night stand with him. I just wanted to go home and she refused to let me go until we did something she could post on her Snap Story. She didn’t even care that you could see the tear marks on my face and posted a video of me acting happy and carefree in Target. I found out she posted it because she had my ex in her Snap friends and wanted him to see me “moving on”.

I was in hysterics crying when I finally drove home that I honestly shouldn’t have been driving.

I was in a very empty, sad state for weeks after that. I tried to pretend I was fine despite her telling everyone who’d listen that I was moping over a man who drunk texted his ex. The only thing I cared about at that point was getting my paperwork together to start my new job in March.

I barely spoke to my now ex, but the night before I started my new job, I got a bunch of texts from his phone. His now-girlfriend-again stole his phone and was texting me things like “you’re a f*cking slut” “crazy c*nt” “never talk to me again you stupid b*tch”.

She blocked on everything and I was laying in bed half asleep and extremely confused what happened when he called me on her phone. He to get us to clear things up, but all it was was her accusing him of cheating and her demanding me to explain myself. The last time I saw him outside of work was January and the only interaction we had that day was when he was when he came through my line to buy his lunch. It all gets straightened out (sort of) that he never was cheating and I’m just his friend/coworker, but I have to stay blocked. Even though I understand, I cry myself to sleep because I don’t know what happened and why it happened like that (I still don’t).

I start my new job, and it’s a month of online classes and training.

I was working three jobs by the end of March.

I’m sad, I’m stressed, I’m overworked.

It is the end of April, and my friend insists we go to the movies together to hang out. I agree to meet up at the theater after I get out of my very long day of working one job in the morning and another in the afternoon. Just as I’m about to drive half a hour to the theater, she cancels on me because she made other plans with other friends, but she says can hang out after nine o’clock.

I have work in the morning and I have a midnight curfew. When I try to tell her I can’t hang out that late at night, she doesn’t answer, so I drive home. Five minutes before the movie is suppose to start, she texts me suddenly able go with me again. At this point, I’m now home and not anywheres near close to being ready to go out and the theater is over half a hour away. She gets mad at me and accuses me of not making time for her anymore.

I hit my breaking point and our friendship starts dying from this point onward.

At the end of May—right before my birthday—I had a minor procedure done to help with my headaches. Nothing major, but I had to get my head cut open and stitches on the back of my head. I worried it was cancer—luckily it wasn’t—but I didn’t feel safe telling anyone considering how things went down the last time I shared what was happening in my life.

I dropped one of my jobs temporarily to focus on the new job and the summer job. Despite my manager position at the summer job, my supervisor had retired and the new supervisor didn’t really treat me as a manager. I had been there for nine years and for some reason my only use was training new employees. All my previous responsibilities were taken away and I would work eight hour long shifts outside in a hot shack with a janky desk fan doing nothing but reading books if I wasn’t showing a new sixteen year old how the cash register worked.

I put in my two weeks notice in June and was gone by July. The only ones who cared that I was leaving were the sixteen year old girls who thought it was cool I knew the latest TikTok trends, sang along to the Taylor Swift songs, and fangirled over the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming out.

After an extra a few weeks I spent focusing on the new job, I went back to work at the job with my ex and my ex-friend in early August. Despite working there only on weekends, I still found myself checking the parking lot to make sure I didn’t see either of their vehicles there. Most days I’m lucky and I can get away with not seeing either.

My mental health was beginning to take a turn for the worse as summer began to come to an end. I began a “healing journey” which included working on my passions, learning new skills, getting back in touch with my inner child, falling back in love with life, and working on my health.

Lately it’s been getting bad again despite my efforts.

Between the holidays coming up making both my jobs busy, my favorite coworker at my new job is leaving and it’s bringing out all the red flags about my new big girl job. We’re understaffed, there’s clear favoritism, and a lot stress put on us because of the field we work in.

Somedays I go home and I feel like I’m in a daze.

Most days, I lay in bed and just cry because the life I planned no longer exists and I feel stuck.

All I wanted in life was to fall in love, get married to someone who made me feel safe and loved, own a home together where we could raise our kids, and one day publish a physical book.

Now a days, I don’t feel anyone could love me and even if they could I won’t be able to love them. I thought my biggest challenge was going to be publication, not romance.

I’m just here. Stuck somewhere between I want to live and wondering what’s the point? I don’t want to die and I’m not actively thinking of ways to end my life, but there are nights where I lay in bed and the idea of not waking up in the morning doesn’t sound too bad.

I just want to write silly headcanons or lovey dovey stories, but I don’t feel happy and the idea of love hurts.

I want the old me back, but she’s gone.

The new me isn’t sure who exactly she is yet either.

All I know is this is me trying.

#caribou speaks #trigger warning #tw depressing thoughts #don’t even get me started about the flash backs from 2021 being worse this year #yes I cry a lot

[celestialcass]

extremely personal trauma vent about one of my sexual assaulters following me on here YEARS after I told him to leave me alone

CW/TW: SA, CSA, harassment, being threatened with suicide

just discovered my ex-friend who SA'd me was still following me on here and interacted with my stuff as recently as this September... I'm sick to my fucking stomach i had blocked his number, all his other social medias, just missed this account I guess... I told him to leave me alone in 2018 I didn't want to think about him today or EVER again... blocked him now but now I'm so anxious that he had backups... i thought i was safe on here at least from him but I guess that's too much to ask for.

I'm gonna get this out now and hopefully not have to think about it again but he SA'd me and it took me a long time to come to terms with that since I have a stupidly long history of SA because I was an easily manipulated undiagnosed autistic CHILD for almost all of it. At least 5 times [that I can remember, I know I was drugged at least once but am unsure if anything happened] between age 9-21 and he was 2 of those times.

Confronting him about it he started crying and begging me to stay his friend, but the whole time we were friends he constantly used me as a therapist about his depression, tried to kiss me multiple times without consent, then assaulted me and when I finally cut him off he spam called me for a whole weekend threatening to commit suicide if I didn't talk to him, which is a sensitive topic for me because my grandma and a friend of mine committed suicide within months of each other when I was 13. This made me suicidal for the only time in my life [didn't attempt] and this low point is when I met him, so it really comes full circle huh.

This whole experience led me to giving proof that he assaulted me to the police[the ONE time i ever interacted with them and they helped even a little, they wound up going to his house and telling him to leave me alone but i didn't get a restraining order bc i didn't want to have to see him in court, also he's white so involving the police as an indigenous enby i was in far greater danger] as this stupid asshole ADMITTED it over text. I really didn't want him to graduate to legit stalking but I guess internet stalking is fair game to him??? fucking creep

anyways block/report spazman017 [not @ ing him bc cmon] if he's still active bc this man SUCKS [and has an ableist username too wtf] I still get jumpy around men who look similar to him and this whole reminder just activated my stupid fight-or-flight response

Love all of my followers that AREN'T people who SA'd me in the past, sorry about the trauma dump I just had to get this out.

#trauma dump #tw sa #cw sa #cw sui ideation #cw csa #tw csa #tw sui ideation #tw sui mentioned #cw sui mention #tw depression #cw depression #tagging the SHIT out of this bc i dont want to trigger anyone the way i was today #the fuck #tw vent #cw vent #personal vent #childhood trauma #venting #vent #im so tired #cw cops #tw cops

[thedarkcrystopilisempire]

Message about what I have been going through (Need to Vent this out):

Ok, a lot of people on my YouTube career have been giving me a lot of negative vibes and I am gonna do a prep Talk and discuss why I don't want to be associated with these people on YouTube or any other social media because I have trust issues with them and they remind me about the people who I will have to talk about as we are here.

1. The first person I need to bring up is Laura Mocanu, Laura has been stealing other people's artwork and it has been pissing me the hell off because I was her victim apart of her art theft bullshit when she stole my bang Design from my hedgehog when I was making designs of my character but with Good mixtures of my own hairstyle and apparently Mocanu has stolen my hair designs and I decided to not share any of my Artworks online because she is apparently still doing it which I cannot take the risk anymore and will say to Laura Mocanu is to Leave me alone and stop other people's arts and stop being a groomer to fucking adults even your a 16 years old Minor who wants to be sexually abused. So as for that you're blocked and I never want to see your face ever again.

2. The second person I want to bring up is SuperMarioWilliam. William Schall has attacked me and bullied me on YouTube since August 2020 over a project me and Fionn O Connor @foc2006 had created for the first time as a movie Career Actor. He has harassed me and Fionn far enough to the point that Fionn had enough drama and decided to leave YouTube. It was a terrible tragedy for him to leave. William was overlapping me with an actor request and Me and Fionn decided to call the acting requests off the hook and William didn't even get the part and still got mad and angry over my Career because I have more content than he does because William's content is trash and disgusting for me to watch so I had bad histories with him and I had to block him off after he harassed my friend Fionn and so many others I cannot recall. But I just want William out of my sight and two I saw what SuperMarioWilliam looks like in RL and he is a grown ass man who pretended to be transgender which I am disgusted and two I even kept all of his proof videos against me when he said he's a the good one which clearly he is a bad guy towards me. So I'd say he's trying to get attention for fucking views. Even worse is Aries Morgan (Her Now Ex Girlfriend) cut ties after the drama happened and they both never talked ever since which I was happy it was over for them. But when I got attacked by him in 2022 he still didn't learn his goddamn mistakes. So my other Boyfriend, Mason Deacon has to dox him and get him into serious trouble and he pussy out and hasn't came after me ever since. I'm glad that taught him a lesson. So as for that, he is blocked and never to be seen on YouTube ever again. Good riddance.

3. The third person I want to bring up is Nathan Kissel (My Ex Boyfriend)

For people that know about Nate, he was a good guy at first and had a good time with me and my friends especially with my career and all. But apparently I was told by one of the individuals saying he was grooming children behind my back. And yes this is true it really did happen. And two, when we started dating in 2022, he had gotten me into Rule 34 and made me the horniest bitch among all people in my group, it spreaded towards my career and I dunno what I could do at this moment but all I wanted to say is, I'm done with Nate and I wished I never met the guy.... I despise the man.... I even lost my other friends because my old actions that really effected me like a virus. So as for that I had to leave a few communities I was a part of and was never to be seen again because of him making me look like a joke. So I'm done with this drama and I am done, so as for that, I have officially blocked Nate and I don't want to be near him ever again Case closed.

(That is all I can say for this case there is more to come by tomorrow so keep an eye out for more victims on my list tomorrow Stay tuned)

[arsen1cs4ng0]

serious post, please read

i think im comfortable enough to talk about my experiences with the chip fandom from march 2022 until february 2023, and how much it really affected me.

i never really wanted to publicly open up about this shit due to past experience and what i had to witness with many of my friends, but im kinda sick of pretending everything is fine and great on here!!

some of the shit i'll be saying under the keep reading cut may be really upsetting, please keep that in mind before proceeding (tws for suicide and harassment) doubt anyone will read this seeing as im such a small account, but hey fucking ho lol

ughhh where the fuck do i begin i created the starlandspoons account in the hopes of trying to warm up to the chip fandom again after enduring so much on the twitter side of it (hoping the tumblr side would be a little better) but... even with me trying to create good memories like i was able to in early 2022.... the pain i felt never subsided.

this is the part where val moans about their chip trauma!! the main shit (im not calling this """drama""". this shit is serious) started in late february of 2022. a controversial figure in the chip fandom, gremlin, came out with an ""apology"" for her actions (i go in detail about her actions here), blaming her actions in 2020/21 on shit like "i was doing it to piss people off" and much more that i dont really want to think about. admittedly, i initially fell for this, being too naive to understand exactly how bad she was (i knew she was bad, but didnt realise how bad)

now heres where the shit really started. back in march of 2022, i witnessed one of my friends on twitter (not naming who, i dont want them to get harassed again) get bombarded with hate + get vagueposted for not forgiving her. people started block-evading them, one person started being enbyphobic towards said person... you can get the idea here. the first time, it did a bit of damage on the way i viewed chip. i lost my taste in it temporarily. that was, until a few days later, where i had a new hyperfixation related to chip (lil guy), which kept my love for it going for a little longer!! that hyperfixation was so strong (stronger than any of my other ones had been) it was able to keep me mostly distracted from the bad shit. mostly.

everything was cool. great. as far as i remember... until late may/early june 2022. back in may of 2022, i became friends with someone called yuzu. they ran an account on twitter where they posted chip songs, tts songs, a/e songs, you get the picture... i became really good friends with them for a while, they were always there to listen to me, we'd talk a lot, yknow. what stood out was that nobody else i knew was that understanding. i was bullied a lot irl, and it was comforting to have that person there for you. i felt.... great!!!

the night of june 9th came, where they got blocked by my friends for "recommending a song from a bad person". they let me know about this, i checked what happened, and... it was a song from gremlin. this didnt bother me too much until i tried to explain to them that they were both problematic... they didn't listen. i dont remember the exact details now as my brain blocked out most of it, but i remember this almost made me spiral into a meltdown, and i suddenly couldnt stand them. i blocked them because i was too uncomfortable and i was on a brink of a meltdown.

june 10th, they made a whole vent about me. guess who had a meltdown!! multiple meltdowns in the span of 2 weeks!! how did i know?? twitter bugged out on me. the vent completely broke me. i was reminded of my ex and how they talked to me. i started getting scared of myself. i felt like a monster. i seriously wanted to kill myself. at that point, i was waiting for my chip friends to block me because i started all of the shit this time!! shit people wanted to move on from!! my brain was convincing me that my chip friends hated me!! (and to this day i still feel like that sometimes)

i had so many more meltdowns from that time. late june, i had to defend another friend (who i'll refer to as bones, for privacy reasons) from being manipulated by them. i was so angry one of my friends went to calm me down through dms. i was so stressed out of my mind that i even went non-verbal one time, which rarely happens!! this continued on and on and on, spending my time and energy defending my friends. i found out so much more about gremlin, even more gross shit, seeing she was friends with someone who is very openly radf*m/a t*rf (+ blamed bones for their own personal family problems), someone who was openly proshit (+ was one of the people who harassed one of my friends)... you get the picture.

this ate away at my mental health more, to the point where i started contemplating suicide. shit i dealt with irl really didnt help either.

the worst part was in january of this year where i had a really bad panic attack because i was scared bones was going to kill themself and there was nothing i could do about it. after that i gave up with the fandom because i finally accepted no matter what i did, nobody would listen. to bones, the friend im talking about, i hope you're okay and i'm sorry i chickened out. im sorry i failed you.

i attempted to try to step my toe into the chip fandom a few months later again by creating the starlandspoons account as my vosim hyperfix was still there and i really missed the good times, but... i still felt unhappy. i have nightmares about the chip fandom sometimes. i am constantly reliving the shit i had to witness in my head. im still feeling the anger i felt those months ago. im still getting angry at myself for not doing more to defend my friends. im still feeling suicidal (not just from the chip fandom, but its contributing to it). it all hurts so much, to this day.

im still going to post on the starlandspoons account for as long as my vosim hyperfix continues. yall are not taking that from me.

sorry for such a heavy vent post, but ive just been needing to let this out for such a long time. it's 4am, i desparately need to sleep. i will say this a thousand times more: thank you to the chip friends who have stayed by my side despite all the shit i endured. thank you so much, you guys really mean to me. seriously, you guys do. i dont know what i'd do without you guys. and to 3 certain people from the chip fandom (you 3 know who you are), thank you especially.

for those who read all of this, thank you for listening to silly little val. i'll be okay, i think. i hope you guys have a good day/night/whatever time it is for you. ;___;

#yaaaawn sorry its long #suicide mention tw #harassment tw #val being a pissbaby #serious post

[eggtwobroes]

frenrye

i dont evem know who these guys ARE!

jokes aside though i luv frenrey. frenrey means alot to me which sounds kind of funny to say. its an inside joke to several friend groups (3 friendgroups i can think of off the top of my head). its a comfort. it makes me unironically nauseous if i think about it in bad contexts. i couldnt look at it for a little bit due to bad associations. it also helped me figure out alot about myself (mostlu helped me figure out that im. fictoromantic </3)

alot of text under the cut sorry. WATCH OUT! (ship ask game)

as for what it means to me personally, at first i was annoying with hlvrai. i had the worst possible characterizations yiu could possibly conjure up because i wanted to frankenstein every fucking ao3 trait for benrey and gordon together because i thought that was the way to characterize them. i was also 13 so whatever. i also projected onto benrey HARD which made him more annoying and me more annoying also. at some point i projected too hard and got nauseous with the ship cuz i convinced myself that i was projecting trauma about my ex friends onto them.??? which was weird but i ended up reaching some closure regarding those ex friends a little while ago and also at the time i realised "hm. no this is stupid" and moved on. then i got on tumblr and became a bigger frenrey fan (really funny to say) and it started meaning more to me... my characterizations got better ovr time (same with my art) and everything was goung well. i had friends who liked frnerey and also i liked frenrey myself. peace and love on planet autism. and then the thing in june happened when my now ex friend told me something about literally everyone in The Frenrey Discord server which caused alot of stuff that i wont explain cuz i think you guys know it by now. that was embarrassing. i also couldnt look at frenrey because i associated it with that and it made me sick to my stomach to think about. at some point i got normaler and less mentally ill and stuff. frenrey also became a relaly big inside joke in my friend groups and stuff <3 i dont really make as much frenrey art as i used to now since im more of a darnrey enthusiast at this point but thats cuz i did figure out im fictoro bcuz of it (shoutout to my wife. girdon)

other than what it personally means 2 me its also a really funny dynamic. guy shows up and starts pestering you the WHOLE FUCKING DURATION of the worst days of ur life. claims he used to know you when you were kids (you fucking didnt). and ur brains response to this is "lets kiss with tongue" its so funny. in canon context its like. this guy plays a game and meets the most fucking insufferable npc of his life and falls in love with him when hes literally not even tangible. how do you store that much emotion towards a character from a game you could just turn off dude. theyre both pathetic i think. their dynamic is kinda hard to describe. i think its funny when benreys head over heels for this guy that hates his guts. i think its funny if they both hate eachothers guts and are simultaneously thinking "i hope this guy fucking goes to hell. i bet he wants to kiss me. good thing i dont want that". i think its funny if benrey doesnt care about gordon at all and just harasses him cuz he thinks its funny and gordons like "god this guy sucks. would it be weird if i kissed him. id hate that probably". idk its a very fun ship to play around with its very flexible.. they fit as queerplatonic, romantic, AND platonic. they work out in game and nongame scenarios. they work in aus because theyre opposites. its so fun. im like dr frankenstein and frenrey is my frankensteins monster that i test on just to see what happens and what works best. idk how else to end this paragraph and continue to the next one sorry

mre related to the first bit about how theyre an inside joke. heres a collection of frenrey related images that are inside jokes or about inside jokes

theres also a lot more videos i have but i cant put themall here. sadly. heres one at least

#im not maintagging any of this for several reasons #asks #NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT #TALKING ABOUT FRENREY TO MARCIE MADE US CLOSER. WERE QPPS NOW #TAHTS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME

[1d1195]

🎀-anon

So, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? (If you did ask for manicure too)

You deserve all the cute stuff in the world😭🎀 I got up from a very long nap. My head is hurting, but that's fine. I'll take some painkillers, but anyway, so..oh! Yes! I have a lot of exams rn uni is very stressful and I'm only a sophomore😭 but I do care about every class cause I have a lot of dreams and I will hopefully achieve them one day. Btw I'm studying English literature and translation (Arabic - English). I'm an Arab!

Yk, sometimes I feel like I'm the mom in my group of friends, too but getting to know more people i learned that my bff is the mom shes always telling ppl off when they are being rude go me like the other day a colleague of ours was like twlling me that "i dont know anything about Hamlet" like literally 5 minutes before the exam (was she expecting me to help her cheat?)😭😭 so my friend was like oh and what should we do? She's so awesome.🎀

So my exams today went well, pretty well. I don't know why I stress sm when I do well, but I'm thankful. I STILL HAVE 3 OTHER 😭 I literally hate this lifestyle but I'm just a girl yk?

So my ex friend.. well she was toxic from the beginning but I don't know why I kept her I just think she wasn't as bad? Like well she is a bit of a pick me (I'm not trying to talk bad about her I swear I just can't find a suitable description other than that) so when the doctors started acknowledging me in classes she came up to me and started making conversations. So I noticed that she was toxic when she was convincing me to give her answers and when she took my notes without even asking and always, always turning the tables. I swear to God it took me a year and a half to make the decision of cutting her off. Even the prof who I was doing the presentation for and stopped her from ruining it noticed and she talked to me asking me what happened and that she always saw us together, but I didn't want to talk bad about her I just said that I think we're better now and that I don't want to get back to that state again (overthinking if I am the one who's being a lot and not respecting the other person's feelings) but to be honest the breaking point was when she said that I'm trying to show myself off in the presentations we did together I was deeply hurt and the next week she and her circle (one of them being the first girl I knew in campus) but they all sent me looks without talking to me I was with my other group of friends like usual and when I talked to my other friend, mutual friend, she said that the ex friend talked about me with all of them and told them that "I changed and I don't hang out with them anymore and that I am a lot of other stuff" so I decided to stand for myself and now I don't even care about her she's just being rude for no reason (idk why my haters are increasing by time😭 they're just being rude but when I don't act as kind as I did back as a freshman they just hate on me but I don't care that's how we should be right?)

So yeah.. that's the whole story💕💕💕

I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GUY WHO ACTS LIKE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER😭😭😭 HE'S AN ASSHOLE ALWAYS TRYING TO HARASS ME AND SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS I HATE HIM OHHH THATS GONNA BE A LONG ONE TELL ME IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT?😭

My pedicure was good! I picked like this light blue sparkly color. I'm a little bummed it smudged a little (I did a regular pedicure not gel).

I'm sorry about the headache I hope it's gone away since you messaged! As always, I'm so in awe of anyone that can speak two languages. I can barely speak English and it's the only language I know 😭 It sounds like your bff is the best! I love that for you! THREE MORE EXAMS?! You are a trooper.

As for your toxic ex-friend: the very first thing you said? You're not sure why you kept her around? I don't want to put words in your mouth (nor compare yourself to me, I know we're still getting to know each other). I for one have kept a lot of people in my life who I probably shouldn't have for much longer than they needed to be. I tend to naively see the best in everyone even if it's harmful to myself. Unfortunately, I'm wrong a lot. But on some level they WERE your friend, right? Like you did things together, had stuff in common, for better or for worse there was a connection and I don't think that's something that just happens and it's hard to just ignore that connection past it's prime if you will.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, that's something I definitely DO NOT do. I'm glad you have a good friend group to support you and that you're pulling away from your ex-friend. It's natural to grow apart from friends that no longer help you be the best version of yourself so I'm glad you have a group of friends that are kind and lovely towards you 💕

You can tell me all the tea of whoever you want! Bring on the wicked step mother! 😈

xoxo

#🎀

[heartxdecay]

WHY do bad things always have to happen to me so close together like I did not NEED the combo of an acquaintance I was attempting to befriend blowing up at me and threatening to kill themselves over them deciding I said something I didn't (fuck being autistic why does everyone assume I'm inferring things when I'm actually NOT) and then my stalker who I haven't seen in about a year suddenly decides to show up at my place of work and ask MY BOYFRIEND if I was there (he lied and said I wasn't but I still caught a glimpse of him so he might have seen me) which lead to me finding out he never actually moved like he said he was going to which means realistically he could go right back to stalking and harassing me any time he wants. In the span of like 3 days. And of course right now we're like 3 weeks away from the big traumaversary time from when I left the cult + this is the midst of when I was reporting aforementioned stalker last year so I'm already constantly on high alert anyway. So now I'm constantly struggling just to stay awake let alone work and I already had to drop out of school and lie to my parents about it because the condition of me living here is remaining in school which means since I'm not they're going to kick me out if they know. So I can't NOT go to school AND not work especially because I'm trying to save as much money as possible in order to move out of this stupid hellhole of a "family" home where I'm constantly used as a third parent for my younger siblings. But I'm so tired all the time from stress keeping me awake at all hours and being completely unable to leave fight or flight mode when awake that I can barely find the energy to move, and my work is extremely tiring. I work retail as a supervisor and I have to deal with my coworkers not doing as much of the workload despite all being full time while I'm part time, none of the people I'm in charge of taking me seriously because I'm either younger than them or the same age as them, regular stress that comes with working retail and dealing with customers, and a management change that is leading to us getting a notoriously rude + perfectionist manager who I have personally seen throw an actual tantrum over having to do his JOB. Which means I can't afford to be tired and grumpy because I have to remain professional and productive. But every time something slightly off happens I want to burst into tears. Nobody there respects me and it's hard enough to handle when I'm NOT dealing with all of this. And of course because God hates me all of this happened when I decided to try to cut back on constantly vaping so after incident #2 I immediately gave up on that and I honestly think I've been going through cartridges FASTER. It's genuinely such a struggle every day to not relapse on self harm or turn to alcoholism and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Especially because my literal only IRL support system is my boyfriend, because my parents are worth jack shit, my siblings are children, and my only "friend" in person is an objectively terrible human that I only still have around because they were my FP for a really long time and I have a hard time letting go of that relationship (every time I try I end up running back) and I just KNOW that if I even TRY to breach any of this with them they're either going to hit me with an "oof/yikes" and nothing else or spread my PERSONAL shit to everyone they know INCLUDING my extremely abusive ex that they refuse to totally cut contact with because it's "mean". which means I actually have nobody to turn to except the internet friends in my phone who for one aren't online all the time and have lives but two since they're my ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM I cannot keep dumping everything on them constantly or I'll overwhelm them. Not to mention they have also had to deal with the acquaintance I mentioned at the start because they're actually THEIR friend, not mine, so if anything it's an even bigger deal to them. This leaves me with only my boyfriend who I already feel shitty enough about given the raging BPD.

#i cant keep turning to him he's dealing with enough from my constant reassurance and fear he's going to suddenly thrn into a horrible person #like my other relationships and past fp did #he's so wonderful and supportive and i already put him through enough #i cant keep doing this i actually cannot live like this #i have work but here i am on tumblr breaking post lengths complaining about my life at 4am #like this will fuxking help anything at all because nobody will ever see this or if they do they'll ve a STRANGER who cannot help me at all #so im just yelling into the void so at least i can say i talked about it and maybe itll make everythibg feel just a little bit lighter #because im tired of everything weighing on me so heavily all the time i #i didnt even get into the physical problems or the increase in fatigue making me fucking sleep 10-12 hours at any given moment and sleeo #through all my alarms and make me late to work twice in just the ladt WEEK #which means I only have one more tome before my final warning #BUT HERE I AM. AWAKE. because for some reason my stupid fucking brain wont let me sleep #no matter how physically exhausted I am #I'm just fed up and tired and i want all of this to go away #but i cant end it because i actually have people who will miss me and i cant fucking burden them with the fact that their friend/partner #killed themself because i KNOW they'll blame themselves like they're bot the only reason i didnt do it 3 years ago #vent

[divergent-one-1984]

Organized Crime Ring in Astoria, NY, in a neighborhood under the jurisdiction of 114th PRECINCT and in apartment buildings managed by CENTRAL ASTORIA, LLC. I have been the victim of TARGETED COMMUNITY HARASSMENT SINCE SUMMER 2016 because of my race and gender, I am an African American woman (because of a rumor / gossip mill started by staff at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION while I was employed there from 2014 to 2016 I was made the victim of WORKPLACE MOBBING and TARGETED PSYCHOLOGICALHARASSMENT & TORTURE / EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Due to the illegal access and leaking of private, personal, confidential information by wiretapping / cloning / hacking of personal devices, accounts and illegal surveillance in my residence, etc. This includes leaking of confidential medical information (HPV diagnosis in 2008 (strains that can cause CERVICAL CANCER and an ABORTION I had in 2004) - POST #4 - Some WORKPLACE MOBBING INCIDENTS - CARMELITA NEAL

CARMELITA NEAL CARMELITA became a member of the WOMEN WITH NATURALLY CURLY HAIR social group.I believe CARMELITA NEAL had a previous relationship with HILARY MATTHEW, the woman who inspired the first WOMEN WITH NATURALLY CURLY HAIR social meet up.

CARMELITA NEAL was brought into the MOBBING by the 3 mean girls (NATASHA LIGGINS-MODELO, TOLANI ADEBOYE, and KHADISHA DAVIS.

CARMELITA NEAL was also named in my complaint to NYS DEPARTMENT OF LABOR.

INVASION OF PRIVACY and SPACE and STREET THEATER

As time went on in the social hair group I developed social relationships outside of the group with most of the women, CARMELITA NEAL is no different, therefore CARMELITA NEAL would come to my desk sometimes talking to me about hair and other things.

After I became the target of WORKPLACE MOBBING, which was instigated by NATASHA LIGGINS-MODELO, CARMELITA NEAL fell in line like the others.

After I stopped going to the WOMEN WITH NATURALLY CURLY HAIR social meetup, CARMELITA NEAL would increasingly come to my desk talking about nothing really, she came to intentionally talk about random things, mostly items on my desk or work (we didn't work in the same department and we never worked together or across departments so we have nothing to talk about regarding work), nothing of any real importance.

One time, CARMELITA NEAL was standing in front of ROCCO'S TACO'S distinctly as if she wanted me to see her, when I was coming back from lunch with KIRK DOLPHY. I think KIRK DOLPHy and I had been to ROCCO'S TACOS the day or couple of days prior for lunch, definitely within the same week. (MONITORING / TRACKING / INVASION OF PRIVACY).

KIRK DOLPHY was a NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION employee when I met him in JUNE 2007, we had a friends with benefit relationship from JUNE 2007 to sometime in 2009, we remained friends/ acquaintances afterwards.

When I started working at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION in 2014, KIRK DOLPHY was still working there so we started hanging out, going to lunch etc.

CARMELITA NEAL did not know anything about me and KIRK DOLPHY because I did not talk about my personal life like that with these women, especially who I dated, so the only way she would know about me and KIRK DOLPHY is if she had access to my personal data via HACKING / CLONING / WIRETAPPING, etc, FRAUDULENT ACCESS TO HISTORICAL DATA FROM MY PERSONAL CELLPHONE at FUSION CENTERS and CELL PHONE and INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDERS

After the MOBBING began I started giving these bullies nicknames and referred to them in my communications on GOOGLE HANGOUT CHATS with ABDOULAZIZ BARRY, an ex-coworker at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION, who I eventually had to cut off after I quit NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION because he clearly was no longer a friend.

The last communication with ABDOULAZIZ BARRY involved him GASLIGHTING / BAITING me. I politely and respectfully ended our friendship in MAY 2016 in response to his GASLIGHTING / BAITING.

I gave CARMELITA NEAL the nickname TIRED ASS WIG because of her shenanigans and I was the person who got her to get over her insecurity regarding her prematurely white / grey hair. She wore a wig that made her look older because of her hair color, I encouraged her to stop wearing the wig and wear her natural white / grey hair. It was beautiful and she never really wore the wig again, so again I am a woman who supports women, trying to be encouraging and positive and I get abused and set up /framed by these NASTY ANTI-WOMAN MEAN GIRL WOMEN so they can ruin my life.

(see receipts; GOOGLE HANGOUTS CHAT between ABDOULAZIZ BARRY and I regarding this incident where CARMELITA NEAL had come to my desk having a RANDOM ENCOUNTER / CONVERSATION about items on my desk, etc.)

The incidents I have expressed are not the only incidents of harassment that occurred from this person or other persons conspiring in the MOBBING / HARASSMENT, just a sample of the ongoing HARASSMENT / MOBBING from persons known to me and unknown to me at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

[casspurrjoybell-18]

Mutual Desire - Chapter 76

*Warning - Adult Content* 

"Bye, Damien."

A second later and Damien was now alone on the line, Nabokov having hung up.

He kept his phone glued to his ear, almost incredulous that Nabokov was the one who ended their conversation abruptly.

It was totally out of character for the man to do so.

Knowing Nabokov, Damien knew the billionaire would have done anything to keep their conversation going until dawn, so seeing him end the call so suddenly was a shock to Damien who didn't know how to interpret it.

Damien was trying to guess the reason that made Nabokov act in this astonishing way.

He wondered if maybe it was something he had said that perhaps offended or hurt the Russian man.

Damien quickly threw away this hypothesis, knowing that Nabokov wasn't the type of man to be affected by words.

The billionaire's behavior during the last few seconds of their phone conversation remained a mystery, as did Damien's feelings towards his ex-lover's unusual attitude.

He was unable to provide an explanation for what he was feeling right now.

By suddenly hanging up the call, Damien felt as if Nabokov had been indifferent to him and ironically, he was unable to remain indifferent to that as well although he refused to admit it.

Thinking of how the call ended physically hurt Damien who just wanted to erase this unpleasant and demeaning memory from his brain.

Clearly Nabokov didn't care about Damien which what was fine with him, since the feeling was just as mutual on his side.

Damien couldn't give two shit about the guy and he carried a deep hatred of him.

Those were facts.

Nonetheless, these facts couldn't explain why Damien was staring wistfully at the photo Nabokov had sent him of his sister, wondering if under different circumstances, could it have been him in the photo feeding him.

"What did the doctor say? Does he have any idea what’s wrong?" Nicolas D’Alonzo said hastily, with concern in his voice.

Damien Clark settled on the seat of his car and put his anger on the door which he slammed brutally.

"No, he has no idea, because I have nothing," Damien replied dryly as he started the car, welcoming the air conditioning with open arms.

"What did he say about your back pain?" Nick insisted, refusing to let it go.

"Nothing worth mentioning," Damien said exasperatedly. 

"Listen Nicolas..."

"Stop acting like a prick, Damien," Nick said, cutting Damien off. 

"It’s your health that’s at stake," he added reproachfully.

Damien rolled his eyes.

For the past few days, his patience had become almost nonexistent, especially since he had to resist the maddening urge to not give in to his old demons who were appearing more and more appealing each day.

"My health is fine Nicolas," Damien spat. 

"I'm fine, okay?" he added more calmly when he realized he had loss his temper.

Damien just wanted to hang up, get out of the parking lot, go to his place, and not leave under any circumstances.

Unfortunately for him, it didn't seem like Nick was done with him.

"Okay, then explain to me why you have insomnia and why you have headaches and back pain? Go ahead, explain this to me," Nick said angrily. 

"And while you're at it, also explain to me why I've been told that lately you've been smoking like a chimney."

Damien's features hardened even more.

He wasn't sure how to argue Nick's words but something had caught his attention and bothered him even more.

Dimitri and Eric seemed to have been reporting his every move to Nick.

Damien had given his two friends the benefit of the doubt, believing that Nick had probably harassed them to find out about what Damien was up to but clearly, Dimitri and Eric had themselves volunteered to be fucking snitches.

Damien couldn't believe his eyes, feeling betrayed.

Apparently, he couldn't trust anyone anymore.

He planned to have a word or two with his two pals, letting them know clearly that he really didn't appreciate being spied on like this.

"I don't have any insomnia, I sleep late because I'm on vacation, remember?" Damien explained.

Damien had intentionally ignored the other symptoms Nick had lay down, as he couldn't argue against them.

Dimitri and Eric were to thank for that.

Damien couldn't wait to go off on them.

"I don't know why you're making a big deal out of it and I..."

"You know damn well why," Nick retorted. 

"You can pretend as much as you want to not understand but I know that you know very well what's wrong," he hissed.

Damien's expression darkened even more.

Nick was doing anything to use up what little patience he had left.

If it weren't for the fact that he was currently in a public parking lot, Damien was sure he would have exploded with rage a long time ago.

He didn't want strangers passing by to witness his hysterics and take him for a madman or an ill-bred man who was incapable of having a little restraint in public.

"Okay, Dr. D'Alonzo," Damien said in a sarcastic voice. 

"Explain to me what's wrong since you seem to know everything," Damien added in a mocked tone.

Sudden silence was heard at the end of the line that Damien thought Nick had hung up.

"You know what Damien? Forget it," Nick blurted out, sounding resigned.

"No, I want to hear what you have to say to me," Damien encouraged coldly. 

"Go ahead, talk," he ordered harshly.

As Damien had doubted, Nick clearly had some opinion about him that for some reason he was keeping to himself.

Out of an unhealthy curiosity, he wanted to know what was going through Nick's mind that was making him act like an annoying prick.

"Never mind. You're clearly not mentally ready to..."

"Talk," Damien yelled, losing his temper.

The silence that appeared on the line lasted only a few seconds before Nick broke it.

"For the past few days now, you've been staying home and just moping on your sofa. You don't go out. Your friends tell me you're a mess and that you spend your days getting drunk."

Damien couldn't wait to tell Dimitri and Eric to go fuck themselves.

The two men had no idea what was waiting for them.

"Okay, are you done?" Damien said arrogantly.

Nick didn't answer and Damien took his silence for as a yes.

"Craig just broke up with me, Nicolas. Do you understand why I feel the way I do? Do you understand that the man I love more than anything left me? So, forgive me for being heartbroken and for feeling a little depressed about it," Damien complain in a dry tone.

"You know it's deeper than that," Nick whispered calmly.

Despite Nick's understandable tone, his words only infuriated Damien.

He had no idea what his best friend was trying to imply. Deeper than fucking what?

He was in pain following the breakup of a long relationship.

He wasn't the first to experience something like that and he clearly wouldn't be the last.

Why was Nicholas making a big out of it?

"Nicholas," Damien hissed bitterly. 

"I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about."

"I'm hanging up, Damien. I'll call you tomorrow," Nick said wearily, seeming to finally surrender.

"No," Damien opposed. 

"No, you don't need..."

Nick ended the call like he said he would.

Now that he was free from Nick's intrusive questions, Damien could finally leave the parking lot and go home.

He did nothing of the sort though, as he was in no state to drive at the moment, feeling his blood boiling in his body.