#and was always told he was this horrible person

[pinkiemachine]

I’ve only done some light reading on Selina, but even so, details on her past seem few and far between. Maybe there’s a reason, maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough, whatever. Someone can enlighten me in the comments. What I do know, however, is that she’s eluded to have experienced some form of abuse as a child. Now, this research came on the heels of brushing up on the rest of Batman’s rogues’ gallery and I gotta say, abuse as a backstory comes up a lot. And I’m just sitting here, like, “There are so many unique people in this world with unique traumas and hurts that this feels almost cookie cutter.” Am I wrong? I just wanna be more specific and explore problems more intimately. So… Selina Kyle. What to write for her backstory? I thought a lot about who she is as a character present day—her playful aloofness, her decision to become a cat burglar, breaking rules as if they don’t exist, always on the run, never settling down with anyone long term, stealing nice things for herself—it led me to this backstory: When Selina was a child, she was horribly neglected. Her father was almost never around and her mother was depressed, anxious, under the influence of alcohol quite often, and wished she never had a daughter. Selina found that it was always easier to live as though she were invisible. If she never got caught making a mess or being noisy or causing problems, her mother would never get mad at her, or even a acknowledge her, and neither would her father if he ever showed his face. She never received birthday gifts—or if she did, they were pitiful—and all of her attempts of reaching out via gifts to her mother and father were rejected. She was never loved and grew to believe that the only way she would ever feel cared for is if she just took care of herself and only herself. She was good at being invisible, and so she became good at stealing. She treated herself to nice things whenever she felt like it, and she rarely ever got caught. She never made close friends. She never really fell in love. She built up walls so high that no one could ever break them down… until she met Bruce. Suddenly, here was a guy who could consistently catch her red-handed. Who told her she needed to stop robbing people. Who believed she could be better. Who saw her. And even though she kept double-crossing him, escaping his grasp, and escaping justice, she found that it was a little bit harder to return to crime every time. She had always found him attractive… but the longer they chased each other around Gotham, and the longer he showed that he wasn’t going to ignore her or give up on her, the more that attraction turned into a deep feeling that Selina had never felt before. True love. She was scared of it. She didn’t know what to do with it. It was completely the opposite of everything she had ever known, and she secretly didn’t think she deserved it. After all, she was a criminal. She was a “bad guy.” Someone who stole from others for pleasure and profit. And yet Bruce believed she was a good person deep down. He believed she had the capacity for change. And in time, he would find himself falling in love with her too. By the end of their story, naturally, those walls had come crumbling down and they had each learned how to love again, something they both thought would never happen to them. 💜

#fan art #art #dc #dc comics #batman #Bruce wayne #Selina Kyle #Catwoman #batxcat

[damagedcoda6669]

how did youknow youbhad bpd? what were the main "symptoms" ?? soryif it comes off as personal or uncomfy you dont hsveto answer

(im rlly rlly rlly autistic abt bpd PREPARE 4 AN ENTIRE BIBLE ABT HOW I DISCOVERED I HAD IT)

ive exhibited symptoms of bpd my entire life (it usually starts 2 present in childhood or early adulthood, it comes from childhood abuse/neglect) i only started 2 notice something was wrong in my tweens/early teens, when malachi became my favorite person and every1 was calling me mentally ill and weird and obsessive. ive known my entire life i was neurodivergent (first started therapy at 6 or 7, diagnosed with bipolar + autism + adhd + depression + anxiety RLLY early on) but there was something else that felt wrong 2 me. at that age i didnt rlly know what 2 search 4 or who 2 talk 2, so i just went on google and searched "love disorders" and obsessive love disorder came up (which isnt even in the DSM iirc) and i posted on google plus saying i likely had that and was shot down IMMEDIATELY 4 "self diagnosing" so i didnt revisit it again until a few years later.

after my breakup in 2021 i felt like it hurt WAY MORE than was normal. i stumbled across a video abt bpd during that time period and it resonated with me way 2 much. im impulsive, i have angry outbursts, im constantly suicidal, i self harm, i have extreme mood swings, i dont know who i am and ive always just mirrored other ppl, i dissociate, i have black and white thinking, i view ppl as all good or all bad and i split, i have consistently unstable relationships, i get attached 2 ppl more than i should be, and i have a paralyzing, nauseating fear of abandonment. i have every symptom in the diagnostic criteria.

i brought up the possibility of me having bpd with my mom i think (i had no one else 2 go 2 becuz all of my friends abandoned me and my parents took away my internet access) and i was shot down again, with my mom saying the CLASSIC "(insert family member) has bpd and shes crazy. ur normal. stop pretending theres something wrong with u. if u had bpd u'd be vindictive and petty and evil. do u think ur those things?"

once i figured out how 2 get my internet access back, maryland dude forced the bpd label on2 me becuz he wanted 2 explain my "abusive" behaviors (he was abusing me but tried 2 gaslight me in2 thinking i had a victim complex and that it was the other way around) and i became uncomfortable with the label becuz he made it seem like if i had bpd then i was a bad person. i continued researching the disorder becuz it still resonated with me even though i was now insecure abt it.

i became comfortable with the label again after he abandoned me, and i brought it up with my therapist. my therapist would HEAVILY DENY that i had bpd, telling me that "if u had bpd u would be attempting suicide 4 attention" "u fit the diagnostic criteria but ur autistic so all of ur symptoms can just be attributed 2 autism srry" "ive had clients with bpd and if u were like them u wouldve had an outburst in my office and be yelling at me by now" and she would even smile at me whenever i brought up my bpd becuz she thought it was funny that i thought i had it, i think. the first time i brought it up with her she told me "its rlly irresponsible 2 self diagnose after reading liek two articles online abt some extreme disorder becuz u think ur broken. ur not broken. dont self diagnose with bpd" and i had to EXPLAIN 2 HER that i wasnt self diagnosing and that id researched it in depth 4 years actually and that she was making assumptions. horribly ableist towards ppl with cluster b disorders, this is a MASSIVE RED FLAG but i didnt switch therapists becuz i was still living with my parents at this point and i felt out of control in every aspect of my life 4 this reason, i didnt even see switching therapists as an option.

then in 2023, while i was homeless, i got evaulated by a psychiatrist. i discussed my bpd with him and finally got diagnosed. i told my therapist i was diagnosed with bpd and she said something like "well im not always gonna be able 2 catch everything" BUT I WAS TELLING U ABT MY BPD 4 MONTHS!!!!! so glad i dont have that therapist anymore but now i dont have one at all, so liek.. hrmmm >:c

im gonna end this by saying.. self diagnosis is valid!!! its so hard 2 get a bpd diagnosis becuz its so demonized and stigmatized, that even those in the mental health system r ableist towards the disorder and those who have it. diagnosis is not always an option with disorders like bpd, and thats so frustrating. its so hard 2 find help becuz every1 thinks ur crazy. but ur not crazy!!! i love all my fellow bpders, i know how agonizing and it is 2 live this tormented life. if u suspect u have bpd, the bpd community welcomes u and supports u!!! and i do 2 :3

#jack.txt #birdie #damagedcoda6669 #bpd #bpd awareness #borderline personality disorder #bpd vent

[appleblueberry-pie]

God I'm sorry to ask so much, but I really love how you write, I could request a yandere Geto where I would have believed that his beloved returned his feelings, but in reality she was interested in Gojo and vice versa, I want to see Geto desperate 😔

You fiddled with your skirt, watching Suguru slowly unravel before your eyes. His once soft smile was one that seemed a little tighter in the corners, a little more forced, his veins showing in his neck and arms. He was stressed out, scratching his scalp and constantly running his fingers through his loose hairs as he laughs at the concerning things slipping out of his own mouth in an attempt to self-soothe.

You avoided his eyes, knowing he'd only try to get at you more that way. Sadly, this was the way he had to find out that you and Satoru were secretly into each other. And unfortunately, this is how you had to find out he had a fat ass crush on you ever since you two both met.

"I personally don't see it." He tries to shoot down his friend, maybe you'll understand then. But it's only making you more nervous as you close your eyes, silently wishing this will be over soon. Being alone with him in your dorm was suddenly the worst thing to ever happen. "But, it makes sense, considering he's always been better than everyone else. Always fucking has been." You almost flinch at him cussing and shift yourself to face away from him, which makes him scoot closer to you. "Like, what made you choose him? Could you please tell me? I just.......I find it hard to understand." He knew why. Satoru is just better. But he really would rather hear the words from your lips instead, just to let the reality settle.

".....Suguru, please don't do this." You softly reply. His jaw clenches as his eyes pierce through the side of your face. Why won't you ever tell him anything? Why do you stay away from him? Is it just him? Has it always been him? Is he just unlovable? You were the best thing to ever happen in his high school life and now he can't have you because his friend always gets first serve, no matter what happens in anyone's life.

"Please."

You look over at Suguru. You watch the veins begin to show on his face, unreleased tension coursing through his veins and in his lungs. His lips were pursed as if he was holding back words that shouldn't ever be spoken into existence out of the depths of his mind. He was too close. Too close to slipping, too close to dragging you down with him, too close to losing everything. All he wanted was you and all you wanted was for him to fucking go. And let it go.

You shake your head and stand up, feeling so damn suffocated in the room. He smoothly stands in your way and gently takes both of your hands, staring down at you pleadingly. "Y/n, don't do this to me. You know i've liked you for this long." "No, I didn't, Suguru." "Okay, but you know I could treat you better than him! Satoru is horrible at relationships. I've seen him toss out three girls in one day, he was juggling them all at once not even a month ago. I don't know why he has interest in you, but he will fucking use you, please believe me."

"That's not funny, Geto. He already told me that story. He said that was last year. Before we met. You're lying. You know I hate when you lie to me." You try to side-step him and he mirrors your movement, keeping you in front of him. "Nononononono, please, wait, listen. Why aren't you listening??" "I've heard enough from you! You're fucking insane. Just let me go. If you don't I'll call him."

Geto's shoulders drop and he sighs. "......no, you won't." "I will. Move."

"......." Geto glances back at the door as if Gojo was there before looking back down at you. He turns around and opens the door himself to leave. "I'll be back later."

How tf do i end this??!?!?!?! I had no clue what to do

#yandere #yandere x reader #reader #yandere x you #yandere character #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #geto suguru #yandere geto #yandere geto suguru #yandere suguru x reader #yandere geto x reader

[dimonds456]

Hey Dimonds, now that you are not making a second chance SU AU.

Does Spinel “pull a Bismuth”, because she’s afraid to Steven might “Abandon” her for Connie in the future.

Also because also the fact that it’s after pearl told everyone that Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond, (Spinel’s best friend who left her for 625 years). Causing Spinel to question her and Rose’s/Pink’s time together as “Friends”.

YOU. YOU GET IT.

So it's been years, but if I remember correctly, what I meant by "pull a Bismuth" was that Spinel attacked Steven for a VERY similar reason Bismuth did. It's less that she believed that Steven was Pink Diamond, and more that the gemstone won't ever change. Iirc.

She poofed from heartbreak when she discovered that Rose and Pink were the same person.

See, part of her history is that Pink Diamond got her from the garden and brought her to Earth, which Spins was excited about. Rose realized that just convincing Spinel to join the Crystal Gems wasn't going to work, because she was literally MADE to be Pink's friend and would stick by her no matter what, so they devised a plan; Pink Diamond would become just as horrible and nasty as the CG propaganda made her out to be, while Rose Quartz then swoops in to save Spins.

This culminates in a meeting. Pink spends years ignoring Spinel no matter what, and eventually just banishes the gem from her court in front of everyone. Spinel runs into the trees, heartbroken, and poofs. Pearl finds her gem and brings her back to the Crystal Gems, where she decides to join them. Rose shows her unending kindness and support (though she was still kinda uncomfortable around the gem, now Spinel had WAY more friends, and so that made her easier to tolerate to Rose), and Spinel found a home there.

...So when she discovered that they were the same person, she had a crisis. Anger, rage, jealousy, betrayal, hurt, ALL of it built upon itself until she once again poofed from heartbreak. And when Steven and Pearl came back with Sapphire, she'd reformed into an appearance similar to canon Spinel's movie form.

She attacks Steven because she has it in her head that Steven isn't who he says he is, either. Maybe he's not Pink, but also maybe he is! Who knows! Since she's so good at PRETENDING anyway!

It takes Pearl explaining that Rose just wanted to help her, despite not really wanting to be her friend anymore, that pulls Spinel back down. She was still lied to, and she is allowed to be angry about that, but Rose didn't do it just to fuck with Spins' head or anything. Rose genuinely wanted Spinel to be in the Crystal Gems, and once she was, she found a good home. That's all Rose wanted.

In Future, Spinel still has a LOT of mixed feelings about her. She's come to realize she can still appreciate the good memories, but those bad memories are valid as well, and it's a good thing they aren't friends anymore, no matter the method. Their personalities didn't mix well, and that's okay. At least they were kind to each other. Spinel can appreciate that, even if she wished Rose would have just talked to her instead. But hey, that's just who Rose was. She kept secrets.

Part of my goal with ASC was to keep in line with Pink/Rose doing things she felt was right, but was just the wrong way to go about it. Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Sorta. She's a complex character, and I wanted to try and express that further in ASC. She realized she shouldn't have left Spinel in the garden and gets her, which is good! But then she lied to her several times, which was bad! It was "for her own good," sure, but who decides that? (quote, Miles Morales.)

I hope I did both Rose and Spinel justice in my portrayal of them. That was always a point of anxiety for me, especially people were SO quick to villainize Rose no matter what she did. She wasn't a villain, but she wasn't a perfect saint, either. She was, well. Human. Ironically enough.

OH OH BEFORE I FORGET. YES. Spinel acted that way towards Connie because she was afraid of Connie taking Steven from her, just like Greg took away Rose and the Diamonds took away the Crystal Gems. She's tired of loosing friends, and Rose's passing caused her to WAY overcorrect and hold them WAY too close. This is why, despite having rocky relationships with the other CGs in Season 1, she still clings to them. There's good memories. She cannot let them go.

I hope this makes sense lol

#asc su au #a second chance #a second chance su au #steven universe #steven universe au #su au #crystal gem spinel #spinel #dimond speaks #rose quartz #pink diamond

[gergthecat]

Home - Toby POV Hannah/Toby

I can’t imagine this situation is anyone’s ideal, but when I received a letter telling me the sender had information about my dead girlfriend, I couldn’t just leave it alone. Now, I’m in the back alley of some random bar—the type of place where I would have thrived fifteen years ago. I made the stupid decision of telling Avery about this over the phone. Now I’ve got the poor girl’s hope up and a three-person security detail tailing me as I weave through the backroads towards the old wishing fountain the sender told me to meet them at. Its only light comes from a few flickering streetlamps, which intensifies this whole scene's creepiness. I don’t even know what ‘information’ they could have. I never knew my Hannah to mess around with many druggies, aside from myself, and I like to think she stuck around more for my charm. Maybe she was in debt, though, however much it might be, there's no doubt Avery’s got more, and she’d give up anything for her mom. 

I check my phone, and the time reads 10:56 PM. There are still four minutes to go, so I start to circle the fountain idly. I can hear the careful trail of one of my followers as they pull into a parking space about a block away from me.

A soft voice cuts through the quiet dark, “Toby?”

I can’t be.

It’s got me stopped clean where I’m standing. 

I spin around and sure enough, it’s her.

My Hannah, standing right in front of me, picking at her left thumb like she always used

to do. Her hair is greasy and tangled, and her eyes are red and puffy from crying, and her lips are chapped and split, and she’s beautiful and so alive. 

My legs are shaky as I stride towards her and pull her into my chest. A flash of fear creases her face before she snakes her arms around my waist, whispers, “Toby.”

“My God, Hannah, it’s you. God.”

“It’s me,” she smiles against the base of my throat.

“Where’ve you been? God, Han, it’s been so long.”

She leans back to look up at me. “How long?”

“Almost four years.”

“Almost four ye—.” She makes a face like she’s going to vomit. “Where is Avery?”

“She’s okay. She’s with my family.”

“Your father?” Hannah remains the only person who knows everything about my relationship with my father.

“He’s dead. He gave everything to Avery.”

“Really? He knew about her?” She looks up at me with Avery’s eyes.

“Yep,” I sigh. She hums in response.

A hunk of emotion hits me all too fast; the idea that she’s actually alive and here in my arms. I lean my forehead down to her hairline to pillow my tears as my body starts to shake again. Hannah just keeps saying my name. Like a prayer.

“I don’t know what’s going on!” She cries suddenly, grasping the front of my shirt. “I don’t know where I was. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Someone must have poisoned and kidnapped you. I’m sorry, Baby,” I whisper into her hair. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Avery,” she responds quickly, “She was visiting me in the hospital. I—I don’t know anything after that.”

“Okay. It’s okay, Baby. I’ve got you now.” Just then, my phone rings, the name ‘Horrible Girl’ lighting up the screen. I show it to Hannah.

“Who—.” I cut her off by answering the call, and immediately, Avery’s worried voice shakes the space between us. Hannah’s face lifts up at the sound of her daughter.

“Toby! What’s going on? Oren told me to call you. Is everything okay?”

Once again, tears line the rims of both of our eyes.

“Hey, Sweetie,” she breathes into the phone. There’s a beat of silence, and then, “Mom?”

Masterlist

Check me out on AO3 :)

I actually handwrote this in cursive so that's there.

#fanfic #the inheritance games series #the inheritance games #the hawthorne vault #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #the brothers hawthorne #the grandest game #games untold #toby hawthorne #hannah rooney #toby x hannah #au

[jaydenchip404]

My grandpa came outside into the backyard and told me that my younger cousin is going to quit his job at [insert job here], and he is going to go work at another place, so my grandpa told me that I could go work at [insert job here]. He said that I could fill out the application online, or I could tell my younger cousin that I'm going to go in person, and my younger cousin can tell his manager to look out for somebody with my name.

That kind of made me sad, because I knew he was thinking about my birth name, and it made me feel bad because my name isn't [dead name], it's Rowan.

My name is Rowan, and it has always been Rowan. My name has never once been [dead name]. Sometimes it's Jayden, but like, 99% of the time, my name is Rowan.

I don't want to get a job or get an ID because I don't want people to know or see me as my birth gender. I don't want my ID to say "female". I want it to say "male".

I cut my hair and wear baggy clothes because I thought it would dampen the female parts of my body and appearance, but somehow, to me it only emphasizes it.

I was watching a YouTube video where the YouTuber was talking about a video game character's ex-girlfriend, and it just made me super insecure because I want to have a partner, but I'm sort of incapable of having feelings for somebody in a romantic context. I want to date someone; I want to be in love with someone, but I just can't get myself to have those feelings for them.

To make matters worse, all over my YouTube short page is Brett Cooper. She is basically the female version of Ben Shapiro, and everybody in her comment section was agreeing with her about how the LGBTQIA+ community is horrible and how the parents are horrible, toxic people for letting their AMAB children wear dresses and they were being sexist to women.

Most, if not all, transgender people tend to start exploring their identity when they are children or when they hit puberty. It's chemicals inside your brain saying that you don't want to be this or that you like [this] instead of [this]. You're born this way. It's not something that you choose to be.

I'm not a boy or girl; I'm just me, and I like all genders. What's wrong with wanting to wear boys' clothes? What's wrong with wanting to go by gender-neutral terms? What's wrong with having crushes on people for their personalities and not what's inside their pants? What's wrong with any of that?

One of my biggest fears—the thing that has been eating at me for the last couple hours—is that I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a woman who is married to a man. I don't want to be seen as that—I don't want to live my life as that.

Yeah, I'm pansexual; I will literally date anyone of any gender identity, because I care more about our emotional connection, their personality, and their appearance than what genitalia they have or their gender identity, but being a woman in a heterosexual relationship is just something I don't want to be outwardly seen as.

I don't know what about being seen, as CisHet is so gross to me. I guess it's just the 'being seen as a woman' part, because I'm not a woman, but I'm also not a man. I know I keep saying this, but I'm just me. I guess I am non-binary instead of genderfluid. Since I'm not a man, a woman, or anything else really,.

I guess it's just the feeling of being masculine or feminine, and not man or woman, but again, I'm not entirely sure on that because sometimes I do feel very strongly like a man, other times I feel strongly like a woman, sometimes I feel extremely neutrally aligned, and other times I feel completely genderless. So I guess non-binary and genderfluid I could just use together, even though I only want to use one label.

If I really had to sum it up into three labels, I would say: genderfluid, aroace, and pansexual.

My mom and I have been talking about cashing my checks at the bank, and I'm just so scared to do it because I don't want to have my birth name on my account and ID and then not be able to change it in the future. I want to legally change my name, but I have a lot of commitment issues, so I don't really know if I actually want to do that or not, but I really, really like going by the name Rowan. The name just makes me feel so nice and comfortable with myself, but I'm scared to tell my mom that my real name is Rowan.

I just don't know what to do and I'm scared.

#MOGAI #Queer #LGBTQIA+ #LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #LGBTQ+ #LGBT #LGBT+ #LGBTQQIA #2SLGBTQ+ #LGBT2SQQIA #transgender #transmasculine #non binary #nonbinary #non-binary #enby #genderfluid

[oldanimefan]

I was just reading back through the notes and thoughts I had as I was reading volume 6 and the situations that happen with Mu Qing, Feng Xin, and Xie Lian's parents are still what sticks out to me the most from this book and not the 100 stabbings.

I understand where Mu Qing is coming from. He wanted to do what he thought was going to help everyone the most, and let's be honest it was probably the best option they had. Did he go about doing it the wrong way? Yes. Can I fault him for it? No.

The situation with the heavenly officials in the cultivation cave was also a fucked situation from the get go. Should Xie Lian just be the bigger person and leave? Yeah probably, but I don't blame him for not leaving. Mu Qing leaving isn't what made me cry, it was Mu Qing staying silent and then running after Xie Lian that made me cry. My heart was broken for XL. In his eyes, not only did one of his oldest friends leave him when he was at his worst, the friend then comes back with new friends and sides with them.

Then on the flip side, we've got Feng Xin who I'm 100% sure would have done absolutely ANYTHING Xie Lian would ask of him (I mean obviously, he left when XL ordered him to). Loyal to a fault Feng Xin. He was essentially trying to do the same exact thing as Mu Qing, just in a different way.

It's so glaringly obvious how much those two care about Xie Lian and how they are just trying to do everything in their power to help him and his parents.

To be honest, I really need to reread Feng Xin being told to leave and then the queen and kings deaths. I was crying so badly, I could barely read some parts.

The queen and king hit me like a fucking truck. I know that they both felt so horribly guilty for the way things ended up and for Xie Lian being banished. I can unfortunately relate to this. I was at my lowest and homeless with my child and for a while I really did think that he would be better off if I wasn't around.

The fact that it happens within such a short amount of time after Feng Xin leaves is what makes it even worse. They knew Xie Lian, their only child, would be completely alone afterwards. Maybe they thought Feng Xin was going to come back? Who knows.

The most heart breaking part of this book to me though was that Hua Cheng is literally the only person that never left Xie Lian willingly. Every time he left, he was made to do so forcefully.

All 3 of them were in their early 20s when they went through all this trauma. None of them knew how to cope so they all did what they thought would be best.

Anyways this series is one of my absolute favorites now. I am always down to talk about this series so please comment or message me.

#tgcf spoilers #tgcf seven seas #heaven official's blessing #tgcf volume 6 #xianle trio #xie lian #mu qing #feng xin #xianle #someone please talk about thebdamn books with me #fuck jun wu #if you cant tell from my emoji usage i was crying a whole lot durring this read

[girl-bateman]

Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3

#i have known my dad is an alcoholic since i was literally 4 and my mom told me thats the reason she divorced him #ive been to COA support group twice in my life. i have the horrible personal anecdotes. i have the constant anxiety. #and still !!! with the right amount of ridicule in the right setting ill question everything #a spiral of misery and self doubt and paranoia etc etc #for context: im on a vacay with my dad and sis and his childhood friends #and i published a short nonfiction story where i talk about how isolating it can be when your parent is an addict #and EVERYONE is making constant jokes in reference to this text like 'ohhh like the alcoholic i am *wink wink* im gonna have another beer' #several times a day. and ive just not been saying anything abt it bc i feel guilty abt 'exposing' my dad even tho isnt not even a secret #but seeing as my sister is never on my side abt this and that his friends are obviously on his side i feel like the loneliness girl on earth #and tbh there rly isnt any sides to this bc addiction is just a horrible fucking disease for everyone involved #but he makes it into this awful game where i always come out the loser bc im just a kid and i cant make anyone believe me #im not a kid. obviously. but thats what this feels like. like im the little kid with silly stories no one believes #and the worst part is i wrote the text trying to reclaim what has been a lifetime of centering HIM and his addiction into everything i do #trying to protect him and his dignity #and this was my trying to reclaim my life and talk about how IM affected for once #but once again he ends up being the centre of conversation of my text. which. btw is about a lot more than my dad

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[gulaabjamoon]

my parents are so against divorces it baffles me honestly

#this concerns my mama mami ok so like #they have the most toxic marriage #he used to work #doesn't anymore even tho he has a shop #he just doesn't go to the shop #she works as a teche6 #they fight ALL THE TIME #everyone knows they fight #their daughter told me she wishes her dad didn't exist because hes a pathetic man #and my grandma. that narcissistic bitch #always fighting #yelling hitting abusing u name it #she's a horrible person and im sad my mother doesn't just go NC #(that's another issue altogether) #anyways so today i suggested ki theu should get a divorce #bhaisahab. the way my mom got heated up #it makes no sense to me #yes my mami isn't a good person either but all this could be solves if they just separate? #like. its an easy solution for me #“she wants the money so she doesn't get divorced HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT ALIMONY #i just don't get it #my mom literally yelled at me #and called me a negative thinker?? no ma'am im a practical thinker #that family is yelling at each other everyday. not making food for one another #avoiding each other every moment of the say #day* #and ur telling me there are other options? what options 😭😂😭😂 #anyways #indian parents need to grow up and stop being so old fashioned and conservative

[roobylavender]

i think one of the things i want to do over break for funsies is like. rewatch every pak drama of the major contemporary writers nationally hailed as progressive (e.g., umera ahmed, farhat ishtiaq, sameera fazal, etc.) and see how many of the male leads i come out actually still liking. like i want to make an excel spreadsheet cataloguing every red flag that went under my radar as a kid. for science

#bc if we are being real. sooo many of these guys are nothing short of rancid #and while i get the point of a lot of these dramas is to show emotionally stunted men grow #idk how much tolerance i have for certain behaviors now like idk.. #tangentially this is also why complaints of saif from kuch ankahi Really amuse me #like ok so all of the most toxic and insecure men imaginable aren’t a problem for most pak drama fans #but a man who simply lacks agency and is maybe a bit cowardly bc his mother overimposes on him is horrible and unappealing.. #like i’m not saying people have to like him or have a crush on him by any means #but i think it’s weird people are blatantly ignoring he’s being used to comment on how mothers emasculate their sons and strip their agency #and how that doesn’t always translate to those sons being weird toxic alpha males but can simply make them cowardly and unable to stand up #for themselves. which yes. is totally worth criticizing. but it’s strange people think samiya is coddling him #simply bc she’s willing to ask him what he thinks when his mother does or says certain things #if she were coddling him she wouldn’t even bother worrying that he’s a pushover #but instead what she does is prompt him to slowly recognize that he has his own thoughts and feelings and that he can act on him #and that she’s not going to solve his problems for him bc he’s capable of solving them himself #and idk i think that is a narrative worth telling. and i am so willing to cut him slack for being a coward bc he’s the farthest thing from #a toxic alpha male. people have twisted him into being this horrible liar cheat etc for liking someone else prior to his marriage #despite the fact that we are literally being told and shown he’s forced into the marriage and his mom Knows he likes someone else and she #doesn’t care. saif cannot realistically say no without effectively running away and he’s incapable of that bc he fears his mother #he’s not a bad person. he’s just a coward. and his growth will entail that he becomes someone brave enough to take a stand for himself #and personally i am way more open than whatever shite we have in other dramas where it takes a saas abusing her bahu for her son to wake up #to be deleted

[pa-pa-plasma]

redditors are so fucking weird, sometimes they don't even know what hill they're dying on all they know is that they're gonna die on it for sure

#told a dude on reddit who was asking how much violence is allowed in YA books that you can put as much as you'd like #& he was like ''books sure have changed since i was an adolescent'' & i was like. no. they've always been that way. read them & see #(literally gave Watership Down as an example. it was published in the 70's) #& he started ranting & raving about how actually i'm wrong because liberals & kids these days don't understand #what it's like to be an adolescent (kept using that word) in a time where all books were banned for even the most minor of implied violence #& i was like ''what the fuck are you talking about'' & he was like ''where do you live & how old are you'' about a hundred times #i wish i was exaggerating. it really escalated that fast #oh also they were assuming i'm a guy & using he/him pronouns which is like. fuck off lol yeah you're obviously an old white guy from Americ #literally i should just leave reddit forever but i can't stand by watching people say ''quit forever'' when newbies ask simple questions #like redditors are insane. batshit #i want to be the ''do whatever you want forever'' person in a sea of ''you're 12 & only have a 12yo's reading level? die'' #also the blocking on there is bullshit. you can't reply to comments if one of the people in the convo is blocked #& you can't block someone twice in 24 hours #& if you want to report someone for. say. harassment. like asking for your location repeatedly. you have to report the specific comment. #which you now can't see because you blocked them #more & more i become astonished that people use every other social media EXCEPT tumblr #couldn't imagine living like that. it must be horrible

[superabnormal]

ocdnatural is something that is sooooooooooo *brain explodes*

#me talking #i have so many thoughts and feelings about sam and his shame and his want for normalcy but feeling like he’s undeserving. #and lord i shan’t project but GOD having something horrible happen to you as an innocent child and continously trying to do the right #thing in a world where everything is so horribly morally grey only to be consistently told that the problem is YOU. that its not whats #been done to you all these years its not whats come of your mistakes its you as a person that is the very problem. jesus christ. #like i love dean ofc i do he’s been my character of all time since i was a pre-teen but the way he just doesn’t GET sam and almost #always does the wrong thing for him is just ARGGHHH. like i know many of the worst things dean says to sam is also hallucinations or #fake voicemails but the terribledean that keeps assuring sam in his selfhatred fills me with the most intense agony its like unbearable. #sam is incredibly well-adjusted despite everything thats happened to him and its so aweworthy. i wish i could reach into the screen and #tell him….. #alas im projecting. sam you are not evil you are not bad you are not complicit or deserving of this. #god💔

[angxlcream]

making friends is so exhausting

#every person ive met has had ulterior motives #or was just a really nasty person #the decent ppl ive kept in my life barely hmu #i dont even think i can count them as friends at this point lol #gave up making plans with them since they never wanna do shit with me #i dont wanna sound like a whiney baby but its really exhausting trying to make friends #when more than half the ppl i knew have betrayed me in really horrible ways #my so called best friend in 2019 confessed he had feelings for me #and when i told him i wasnt interested #he seemed to accept that #i found out later that he shit talked me to my other friends behind my back #and told them something personal that i didnt want any1 else knowing #he also said he wouldnt care if id kms so yeah #im just so sad because i want to make genuine connections with ppl!!! #i care and give so much love to those i trust #but i find out later theyre just using me bc im nice ): #i dont want to change and become cold hearted #i have lots of love and i always will #i guess its just gonna take time to find the right ppl

[cithaerons]

a lot of men aren’t going to see women as three dimensional or equally intelligent, no matter what.... It sucks, it really does, but that’s how it is.

#like.... they will always be hamlet and you will always be ophelia. no matter how much you perceive yourself as the hamlet one. #you will never be a person with depth to them... it doesn't matter what you do or how much you try to prove that you are. #tbt the same undergrad crush - who i had lost almost all of my respect for over the next two years - told my roommate our other friend who #is brilliant but very bubbly and friendly and unpretentious but VERY smart has 'nothing going on in her head' my god i could have gone over #there and killed him. #the last nail in his fucking coffin #he also dated said roommate for several months ended up being horribly abusive just a general piece of shit

[area51-escapee]

It’s really interesting because I’ve been around tumblr since around 2011/2012, and started seeing more social justice related stuff around 2013/2014-2017 and during that time. Trying to explain how the general demonization of men on this site was harmful to multiple groups and not at all helpful to feminism would get you labeled a bad feminist at best and a hateful anti sjw alt right MRA type at worst. At that time I really only remember the anti sjw accounts being the ones to bring up the topic of how it was harmful to various groups and how yes, there are real problems that men face that people should care about, and I’ve noticed that has changed a lot in the past couple years, especially with people drawing attention to how a lot of “all men are inherently bad” posts are coming from terfs who aren’t just talking about men. I think it’s really genuinely very refreshing to see and I’ve never liked generalizing a whole group based on a thing they cannot control. A person’s actions are much more important that an aspect of themselves they were born with.

#I’m having trouble putting my thoughts into words again #like yes ‘all men are trash’ ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are born violent and dangerous’ #often come from groups that consider trans women to be men #and it hurts anybody amab and trans men or really anybody masc presenting (butch lesbians being harassed in bathrooms comes to mind) #and people are even bringing up how these things contribute to dangerous stereotypes against men of color which is super important #(ever notice how those people who suspect human traffickers in target always say Hispanic or Mexican men?) #(or the white woman who called the cops because a black man told her her dog should be on a leash which is a perfectly reasonable request) #like I hate to break it to some of y’all but. men are people. all men are people. #and the actual sexist or predatory or violent men aren’t being hurt by this #not to mention how often these groups will respond to genuinely horrible things a man has done with #‘of course he did that he’s a man’ ‘all men are inherently like that’ ect #as if that’s not just ‘boys will be boys’ in another font #blaming smth on somebody’s gender doesn’t hold them accountable for the actions they personally took