#and we all know tumblr tags is the best format for rambling..

[brokenpuns]

OKAY NOW THAT IM POSTING MY R6 STUFF HERE HEAR ME OUT ON FENSMOKE………

#rainbow six siege #ive been losing my mind over on priv twitter #straight up projectile vomiting and bleeding out of my eyes #and we all know tumblr tags is the best format for rambling.. #LOOK it started as haha they both use Chemicals #but then i was rereading smokes profile and it kept mentjoning fear and something happened in my brain #understand that it's more important to respect fear than to try to pretend we never feel it Ok #i think fen would be enamoured by how well smoke deals w stress #i swear there are some awesome parallels here i swear.. #also rainbows really wary of both of them to an extent i think they could find solace in eachother #DO YOU SEE THE VISION #OR AM I JUST BRAINED #i have so many thoughts about them that i cannot share at the moment due to Brain Things but yeah #im self proclaimed fensmoke ceo rn #fensmoke #forever #3:29 am aaaand post

[siffrin-enthusiast]

// intro post

[Image ID: A GIF of the In Stars and Time party, created by insertdisc5. End ID.]

hello and welcome to our little corner of the internet!!

more information (including about the music) is below the cut but the tldr is that i'm a happily taken 18 year old, auDHD disabled transmasculine host of a traumagenic DID system currently fixated on in stars and time, ultrakill, and coding. collectively we go by kuiper and he/they pronouns :)

my asks & dms are always open! feel free to draw me an anon picture (checked weekly) or check out the submissions thread!

while you're here, consider donating to palestine to request a commission from a lovely talented in stars and time artist!! check it out at @isatforpalestine!

if you're trying to get the playlist to work, you need to go to your site settings, allow audio, refresh the page, and then play it. It will update itself as you navigate through the entire blog so there aren't any pauses/cutoffs! the good news is once you figure out how to do it, it'll work until you clear all of your site cookies!

interests

there's..a lot!! in stars and time, coding, rain world, deltarune, slay the princess, pokemon, hollow knight, psychology (my college major!), fnaf, inscryption, generation loss, hades, celeste, ultrakill, warrior cats, oneshot, hunger games, moon knight (pirating it), night in the woods, and a good thirty more that i'm forgetting.

tagging system

i do my best to keep it simple because i'm too lazy to do a cool one for convenience! interests are tagged with the name of said interest (#in stars and time), and if they're somewhat newly-out, they get a "spoilers" thrown on the end of it (#in stars and time spoilers). if there's something i post about that you don't want to see, i highly encourage you to block its tag! i won't know or be offended! :)

i’ll tag anything that i think is a common thing to be tagged like death/blood, and i do it in the format of #tw death. if this isn’t the right format or anyone wants me to tag other things that i didn’t think of, just let me know!

there's also a few special tags of my own! asks are tagged with #kuiper important posts for the important stuff (like this intro post), #kuiper favorite posts for my favorites/things i return to frequently, #kuiper asks, posts where i ramble about whatever is #kuiper rambling, posts about my dissociation/system are tagged #kuiper system posting, and posts about my disabilities are tagged with #kuiper disability moment! i also write fic and while i tag them with #kuiper fics, i post most of them over at my fic sideblog!

if there's ever anything that you need tagged, please let me know!!

requests

i'm getting pretty into making stuff so..if anyone ever wants me to try my hand at something, please feel free to ask! this is pretty informal until i set more things up! edits, pfps, icons, stimboards, userboxes, ask games, fic/drabbles, coding, i'm willing to give it an honest shot!! feel free to ask!

any and all requests will be tagged with #kuiper requests!

contact

the best way to contact me here is my dms/asks because my notifications are a. little overrun!!

don't like tumblr? don't worry! i have too many other sites! ranked from most to least used:

neocities

cohost

spacehey

dni

i use the block button liberally, as should you! it's freeing!

basic DNI criteria!

people who don't believe in freeing palestine/zionists

entirely nsfw or untagged nsfw accounts.

entirely ed/sh or untagged ed/sh accounts. i understand if you're struggling with it, but if it is your entire blog, no.

syscourse. post whatever you want on your blog, just don't bring it to mine (asking my opinion, tagging me in things).

blank blogs. i will think you're a bot.

people who are still giving j.k. rowling money. shoo!!!

radfems, terfs, radqueers, transableds, proshippers, stuff like that.

anyone not on that list is more than welcome here!!

credits

theme and the lil cat popup by glenthemes

music player, playlist

the lovely dividers

in stars and time & gif by insertdisc5

siffrin looping gif

#kuiper important post #pinned intro #intro post

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 modding #my mods #wip wednesday #cyberpunk 2077 mods #kerytalk #god I am sorry this is a fucking essay but I had a lot to talk about I guess #one can do a lot in a week with nothing but the power of autistic hyperfocus and the love for one's OC blorbo ok

[thestarbornpilgrim]

I Have Had to Constantly Repair Links, and it's worse than ever....

In order to fix the broken links, I have had to go through each and every page and completely redo the link system. Additionally, I discovered my tags are broken as well, making things even MORE difficult for people to look up my work on my tumblr, including myself.

Tumblr has been no help, and I can't wait for them anymore, so I am continuing to fix the links manually. They should be done by this weekend, but there are so many.

After Chapter 3 (I have about 20 more pages for Chapter 3), further updates will be made on Webtoon, and I will post updates in the form of links to the next part on Webtoon.

I am so sorry. I know this is sad for some people who have been here since the beginning, but I want to ensure you that while the page updates will no longer be on Tumblr, you will still get weekly updates, and I will still post on here, but my posts will be larger then what they used to be. You all will also still get my rambles, asks, and art, of course.

I am sorry this is the update. I assure you I did not make this choice lightly. I have thought about it a lot, and it is the best going forward, at least until this bug is repaired. It really breaks my heart and frustrates me.

Thanks for everyone's patience and kindness as I tried to sort out this problem. I will continue to fix links until the end of chapter 3, but even the new format isn't working so we will see if my effort is even any good.

#update #the seeker #webtoon #webtoon canvas #web comic #fan comic #artists on tumblr #tag issues #broken links #comic

[penncilkid]

Hello hello! My name is PK and I'm a fervent enjoyer of non-canon ships. I'm not a fic writer exactly but I've been told "Where's the fic OP" twice now by my friends. So I thought I'd format one of my fic-adjacent ramble sessions for Tumblr!

Pairing: Milo/David [No Sweetheart or Angel, wanted to go easy on myself] [MDNI*] [Let's call this "canon reminiscent /lh]

Word Count: 3.2 K

*(I wouldn't consider this smut by any means but there's a few lines that make me want to add this as a tag)

[As a reminder, I diverge from canon quite a bit with this. This is just one route I could see leading to Milo and David getting together]

My vision for this pair is that they start getting closer in a more than just friends way a little bit after Gabe dies. Not immediately because have some decorum, but it would start during that transition period for David as Alpha. Asher is trying his best to help but is also grappling with the whole Beta thing, so he feels like he's in a complex position. But him and Milo can see that David's not doing great so Milo's like "Fine, I'll bite the bullet" and tries to confront David about it.

At first it's subtle, asking David if he needs help with something, if he wants anyone from the pack to stay after for meetings, if he wants them to pick up a shift so he can have the day off, etc. But David is too stubborn to accept any of it so he keeps brushing them off. This ends up culminating in a "fight" one day where Milo again tries to make an offer that David shoots down. Milo sort of snaps and is like "Alright, what the fuck gives? Why are you acting like you're too good to get help anymore, David?" David says he doesn't know what he's talking about, Milo calls bullshit. It doesn't turn into a screaming match but it's enough of a heated argument that Milo storms out of the den.

In the days following, Milo either calls out sick, switches shifts with people, anything to avoid seeing David. David brushes it off, thinking he's got more important things to worry about if Milo's going to throw a fit. But of course, Ash being Ash means this stuff can't fly for long, so he tells both David and Milo that he needs help with something at an odd time of day and then "coincidentally" doesn't show up. When Milo gets to the den, he's real tempted to get back in his car and leave. It's a mix of still being a little frustrated with David and being embarrassed that this "fight" has gone on for as long as it has. He walks up to David (who was waiting outside for Asher) and is like "Lemme guess, you're waiting for Ash?" "How did you...?" "Fucker told me the same thing."

They do some lighthearted bitching about their friend, which eases the tension. There's a bit of silence and right as Milo gets ready to apologize for speaking out of turn, David apologizes first. He acknowledges that Milo was right in what he said and that he's been struggling with everything changing, but he hasn't wanted it to show on the outside. Milo makes a light jab at David, "Alright well did you really expect that to go over my head? C'mon, David, we've known each other since we were kids. Gimme some credit" To make up for it, the two of them go out to eat, all that's chill. Cut to when Milo gets home, maybe has a drink or two as he's winding down. David sends him a message, confirming he made it home alright (because I've always latched onto the idea that he's super attentive to that given what happened with Gabe). Milo sends David a quick reply and wonders why seeing that message made him feel some type of way (romantic? Who knows, not Milo that's for sure /lh)

Now if I remember correctly, the audio where Angel learns about Gabe, it's been around 3 years since his passing. Keeping this in mind and in the spirit of being canon reminiscent, I think around/after this point is when Milo's feelings for David start to really bubble up. They've been building for awhile, much to his dismay. He's trying to play it cool, but his heart's in his damn throat any time David touches him casually or whenever the two of them are assigned to a job together. And he knows it's getting bad enough where he might lose focus, so he swallows his pride and does what he's been avoiding for months, if not years: asking Asher for advice.

"Alright, look: You and me both know that you had a lil crush on David when we were in high school. How the fuck did you get over it? I'm drowning, Ash." If this conversation is happening on the phone or at Asher's place, cue him yelling to Babe that they owe him 20 bucks (because it's funny to me <3). Asher asks Milo why he wants to get over the feelings so bad and Milo's like "'Cause this is David we're talking about." "So what?" "We've got... history. That complicates shit all on its own." "And?" "....Alright fine, and I'm also terrified he's not gonna feel the same. Happy?" Asher is being the little shit that he is, putting his arm around Milo's shoulder. "Listen. If I know David— And believe me, I do— What ya gotta do is be direct. If he doesn't feel the same, that's one thing. But if you even want a chance, you gotta be straight up with him. If you tried to ask him out casually, he'll just assume you're being friendly because that's what you are right now. Friends." Milo takes all this in and is like, "Nope, just gonna shove these feelings down for eternity." "I'll tell Marie—" "I will beat your ass." He knows Asher has a point though. Any idea Milo might've had could be easily construed as them just chilling as friends. But he doesn't really act on anything for awhile.

Now, before we get into the next phase of this, some added backstory: David had a crush on Milo growing up. I'm thinking a little after high school (won't say college necessarily since I don't picture them in college but like, young adulthood phase). He'd always found Milo incredibly attractive and found his boldness admirable in general. David was constantly thinking about what he had to do for others and how to make the pack look good (since he was the Alpha's kid then the pack Beta). Milo always felt incredibly refreshing to be around. But he figured Milo would never be interested in because David's just himself so he eventually got over it. Cut to that argument him and Milo had a few years back. He remembers that night when they made up because dinner had been fine but all he could do was focus on Milo. It felt nice to just hang out with him without the pressures of being Alpha. And he enjoyed listening to him talk about anything because he always had a strong opinion. I think around then is when his past feelings awoke again but there was a new obstacle: He was the Alpha of the pack. It wasn't like before, things were different. He'd never have a chance to pursue Milo without feeling like he had pushed Milo into a corner somehow. So again, he tried his best to push his feelings down, appreciate and value the friendship he had with Milo and leave it at that. It was enough to just have Milo in his life, even if it wasn't going to go any further.

Back to how these two end up together: the Moonbound Solstice. They're all at David's place, everyone's having a good time together. Milo's chilling, talking to someone from the pack when Asher cuts in and is like "Sorry, just gonna steal him for a minute" "Ash, you can't just— AY okay okay I'm coming" They walk off, somewhere far from the kitchen to minimize the risk of David overhearing. In hushed voices: "Alright, so what's the plan?" "Ash, what the fuck are you talking about?" "Milo, it's the Solstice. This is the perfect time to make a move." "Are you out of your damn mind? This is the last place I should be hitting on— On you know who." "What are you talking about it, it's perfect! The whole pack's here, no one would even notice." "Look, he's already got his hands full hosting the Solstice at his own place for a change. I'm just gonna chill and enjoy the night for what it is." Asher is pouting as Milo walks off, immediately thinking of what he can do to help nudge David Milo's way. (Unhinged alt route: Ash giving Milo a flat so he has to stay the night)

Cut to the end of the night, people are heading out and whatnot. David is subtly trying to get people out because he loves his pack but his senses need a break. Asher (+ Babe, package deal) and Milo offer to stay and help clean, and David lets them since it's only a handful of people. Milo's keeping his cool, vibing to the much lower playing music when: "Babe, what do you mean you have a work call you need to take tonight? Can't it wait?" "Sorry, Ash, I need to be home in the next twenty minutes" "Alright. Guess we're heading early." Milo thinks nothing of it until he makes eye contact with Babe. They smile with a sickeningly sweet wave. Those bastards. Before Milo can try to rope Ash into staying somehow, the two of them are gone.

When Milo and David are alone, Milo tries his best to focus on the task at hand because feelings or not, he's not gonna do a shit job at cleaning so David has to clean up after him. Once the bulk of it is done, David mentions that he needs to grab something from upstairs or maybe says he's going to go change out of his clothes (I imagine he put on something better looking but not as comfortable for the solstice). Milo's chill with that, getting his keys, phone, other personal belongings together. He happens to slip into the kitchen though, stealing a bit more of the food David had made for the solstice. While he's stealing (said with love), he hears very close to his ear: "You can take some home if you want." He nearly punches David, gripping his arm as he tries to slow his heart rate. "You tryin' give a guy a heart attack, Shaw (/lh)" because he legit didn't hear David come back downstairs. "Maybe if you weren't busy trying to steal some food, you would've heard me— Greer (/lh)." Milo rolls his eyes with a grin and there's a moment of quiet when he realizes his hand is still on David's arm.

He lets go, clearing his throat, confirming that it's actually cool if he wants to take some of the food home with him. David says sure, giving him a container to fill (or Milo takes whatever the food came in, not sure what I'm picturing David's cooking set-up to be). David walks Milo to the door (as a good host does) and the two of them talk in the doorway for a few minutes about upcoming jobs, responsibilities, all that formal shit. There's another quiet moment as the two of them watch each other. Inside, Milo's like "Alright, no one else is here. This is as good a chance as any." The second he gets ready to ask David out on a more proper date, David instead says "Good night, Milo" and essentially closes the door in his face. Milo stares for a moment before cursing himself in Spanish (my HC), walking to his car and muttering about how "Of course he was just being polite, what the fuck were you thinking?" On the other side of the door, David is groaning into his hands, face warm as he tries to calm down because he came way too close to making a move on Milo.

Intermission (Wow, you're still reading? Damn /pos): I wanted to think of how to push them closer to a confession before they actually get together and eventually settled on "sickfic shenanigans". Insert deliriously sick Milo whose phone died and he can't find a charger for the life of him so David goes over to his place to check on him. Initially, he's trying to get David to leave because "I can handle myself fine". But that doesn't last long because admittedly, he feels like shit and has been for the past 12 hours. The dynamic quickly turns into Milo convincing David to stay then being so sick his filter is hanging on by a thread (/lh). "Why do you have to go rush off so fast?" "Milo, I have a pack to take care of—" "First off, I'm part of the pack— (cue Milo coughing) And second, they'll be fine without their Alpha for a few hours." Milo's playing it off as lighthearted but David can tell he doesn't want to be cooped up inside alone on top of feeling like shit physically. A little later, when Milo's on the verge of falling asleep (as many do while sick), he's like "Y'know, it's fucking wild you don't got a mate, David. Like look at you. Doesn't make sense" David laughs at first, thinking Milo's sick delirious (which he is, but that's affecting his filter, not the validity of his words). He's like "ay, why are you laughing, I'm serious. Look— if I were ya mate, I'd treat ya right. I'd cook, I'd work extra hours so I could see ya, I'd make sure we're the best dressed wherever we go— not to mention, I got a great dick." David writes this off as Milo being sick and spewing nonsense but never forgets the words. Meanwhile, Milo (after getting over the sickness) is convinced he dreamt saying any of that to David.

Back to the present, David's been a bit stressed with work as of late so Asher suggests the pack take a trip/weekend vacation. He says he'll handle figuring everything out, letting David take a backseat this time. They go somewhere, a resort, a hotel, something that involves people having rooms they're staying in. Everyone's having a good time, chilling all day, night rolls around. David's in his room when he realizes he forgot to pack something— can be anything. Toothpaste, a charger, something for his hair, the specifics aren't important. He texts Asher, asking if he has the thing he forgot and Ash is like yeah. David asks Ash which room he's staying in, Ash texts him the room number. David leaves his room, goes there, knocks and waits patiently. Door opens, and who's standing there? Milo, shirtless and in the middle of brushing his teeth or some shit.

David's checking his phone to see if he went to the wrong room but nope, numbers match. "Asher must've made a typo. I just needed to borrow something from him." "Well, what did you need? Maybe I have it." Before David can leave, Milo's busy ushering him in, closing the door so he can finish brushing his teeth before finding what David needs. They're making idle conversation, talking about what they spent their respective days doing. While Milo's talking, David's kind of staring at his back, not processing a word he's saying. Milo turns around and notices and is like "What? Don't tell me there's a bug on me and you didn't say shit? (/lh)" and David is trying to think of a good cover up. Milo tries to lighten the mood, says he's just messing with David before going to find whatever David's looking to borrow. He finds it, hands it over when for a split second, his eyes land on David's crotch. David leaves shortly there after but all night, Milo's like "...That was a boner... why the fuck did he have a boner?" But again, Milo's mind is like "Nah, I'm reading this wrong somehow."

Now, I'm painting a picture: it's the next day, Ash, Milo, David, few others from the pack plan on doing something together while on the trip. Asher gets there a bit late but is somehow on time compared to David, who shows up minutes after (that man was up all night pining). Ash notices Milo's not here yet and has a devious idea (as always). He asks David to go check on Milo so they can go. "Why me?" "You were the last one here, it's only fair. Now shoo." David rolls his eyes but goes, getting to Milo's room, knocking. He can hear Milo's definitely inside because he's cursing and complaining. He knocks again before the door swings open to reveal a mildly disgruntled Milo Greer (my vision is he's in pants and a white tank with his name chain. The in between outfits outfit).

He asks what David is doing there, David explains that Asher sent him to pick up Milo, Milo's like "What time is it— Jesus fucking Christ." The issue at hand is Milo can't find an article of clothing that he swears he put in his bag. He's been trying to get by with alternative options but none of them look the way he wants them to, which is making him quietly lose his shit. David stifles a laugh, to which Milo lasers in on. "And what do you think you're laughing at?" "You haven't changed since we were kids, that's all." Milo scoffs but admittedly, the sentiment puts a smile on his face. Almost immediately after that moment, he finally finds what he was looking for (tucked under something, irrelevant right now). He starts to get ready, pulling his shirt on, buttoning it up but let's say a button or two is fighting him for whatever reason. Without a second thought, David walks up, buttoning it for Milo. Milo's having an internal moment as a result, staring at David's hands then his face. David finishes and looks up to catch Milo staring. He clears his throat, saying something about waiting in the hall when Milo catches his wrist.

"Can I take you out on a date?" "What?" "I don't know what or where yet, but I just— I know this is probably stupid and I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but Asher's gonna kick my ass if I don't do something so— Can I take you out on a date, David?" David's taken aback. "Wait... so you were serious. That time you were sick. All that stuff you said about being a good mate for me." "THAT WASN'T A DREAM?" Cue Milo letting go of David's hand and nearly cursing himself out, running a hand through his hair because now he's mortified. "I can't believe I actually said all that shit to you—" "Did you mean it?" "Huh?" For the first time, David's not looking at Milo like a friend or pack Alpha. The look in his eyes screams pure, unfiltered attraction. "Yes or no, Milo." Milo's face is hot, "Course I meant it. I'd treat you great if you gave me the chance to show you." David steps closer, gripping Milo's face gently and tilting it up towards his. "Show me." Milo grins before pulling David down to him, the kiss they shared far better than the ones he remembered from spin the bottle games they'd played as teens. This kiss felt deeper and closer than that could ever compare. The moment they break away, gasping for air, Milo's busy unbuttoning his shirt. David asks what he's doing, to which Milo replies "I'm about to savor as much time with you as I can before I have to see Asher's smug face. Unless you'd like to explain how your hair became a mess between the time you left to find me and when you get back?" David laughs before pulling Milo to him again.

So yeah, that concludes this fic adjacent ramble (/lh)! I love rarepairs and rambling, so if people enjoy this, I may format some other rambles as they arise. I think I've got some Sam/David tucked away somewhere, so let me know. If you actually read all of this, wow, okay, thank you (/lh /pos)

#redacted david #redacted milo #redacted rambles #rarepair #mdni #PK Fic Adjacents #Making a tag now because who knows #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted rarepairs #Also yes I'm inconsistent in how I write Milo's style of speaking #I'm vibing so what /lh

[missmvrder]

get to know the author!

name : tati

pronouns :  she/they

preference of communication : discord. tumblr IM are so unreliable ( like everything else from tumblr ). i do tend to run low on social battery at times so i can be slower to reply to DMs at time but i eventually get there! i love talking about our characters so never hesitate to come to me about them!

most active muse :  right now i'm writing beatriz and elena in two different threads each but it's not so much the muse that makes me more active but the plots with others. i have a lot of muse for many of my currently unwritten characters, they just need to find the perfect plot and opposite!

experience / how many years : i’ve started roleplaying on tumblr in 2011, so way too long ago. i did some on myspace around 2009, so 14 years in total. i discovered roleplaying late in life, like in my early 20′s, which seems unlike many others who started as teenagers. 

best experience : i don’t think i’ve had one experience that stood from the rest and had me go all, this is my best rp experience, but i’ve had many great moments and memories over the years. group wise, i currently really miss retaliationrp because there was so much more to do with the plots and characters. but this run as indie is my best one yet. i feel like i’ve found my people, i have amazing plots and they are all very diverse. the balance i have right now makes it really perfect.

rp pet peeves : over-formatting. it’s cool if that’s your thing, but it’s not mine and it makes it hard for me to get into it. the many spaces, the random use of italic or bold, it’s not for me. overly purple prose too, it makes me not get into what the other is writing. i think we tend to over cancel faceclaims too, we interpret what people we don’t know mean and form some very strong and black and white opinions on that. this doesn’t apply for the people who have done actual shitty and disgusting things, but we nitpick too much what stranger say. also, blogs that are all cis het white woman because that’s what they knew and they want to write what they know and yet, they’re all actress/singers/models/vampires/etc. at least be honest about what it’s about.

fluff, angst, or smut : angst all the way. i can do fluff only so long, generally with the intent of having a lot of angst after. smut can be fun once in a while but not if there’s nothing established behind it. if we’re having a strong plot that has been develop and you want to try some smut, i’m open to it but not without it serving the plot and characters. i live for the angst.

plots or memes : plots. i like having a direction and sometimes things are plotted as we go and develop but there need to be a little something when the thread starts. from there, memes are fine, because it can serve to develop more. i find myself less and less interested in open starters unless we plot something before replying or we talk about the characters a little to see where it could go.

long or short replies : both, with a tendency toward longer. i like to had context and backstory to the thread which also means i can be slower to reply because sometimes these take a lot more out of me. i do like the shorter replies too and sometimes wish i had more but i tend to ruin that by then rambling.

time to write : late in the evening, after 9pm and sometimes during the day. i do a lot of replying planning in my head during the day. i’m currently on sick leave so i often draft during the day, but usually, it’s work, motherhood and then whatever time is life to write.

are you like your muses : i think i would like some parts of me to be more like certain muses and some will use my sense of humour or view on things but outside of that, i enjoy trying to create entirely new personas and characters. i think we all put some little parts of ourselves in our characters but none are ‘self-inserts’.

tagged by: @atlatsofstories ❤️

tagging: @autumnwritcs, @fearhidden, @mocnlighted, @pristinaluna, @twistxdtales, @thewolfruns, and everyone else who want to do this!

#━━ ✦ 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 #i can't even keep this one short imagine a thread

[brokenmoonsongs]

In Defense of Jaskier, Not Your Average Sidekick

(Original image of Jaskier in the Netflix Timeline site. You could find him playing in a forest, and then below was the list of season one songs.) Summary: My analysis of Jaskier in Netflix's The Witcher, stemming both seasons but an emphasis on season two. His character, his relationships, his portrayal and representation in media. This will touch on fandom and beliefs topics surrounding toxic masculinity, queer platonic relationships, queer bait tropes, and heteronormativity in the media. Word Count: ~11.7K

This is going to be extremely rambly, and probably will be tons of points already mentioned in the the Tags and other parts of Fandom. But I've been stewing over this since I saw season 2 and just need to get it all out. I've only read one post on tumblr, and plenty of author notes through fanfics produced in the last few weeks.

Final disclaimer, while I've only consumed the show, I have read summaries of the books and researched as much as I can of the games/books and talked to a few IRL friends who were fans of the book first. My focus here will be of course on the show's portrayal.

EDIT: Apologies, somehow queuing this up fucked up the formatting?

First Impressions & Jaskier Season 01 vs the Books

I had managed to avoid playing the Witcher Games ever since I saw an interview with the studio in a magazine back when the first one was supposed to come out. Even though Fantasy hack and slash RPG was (and is) totally my jam, I hated how misogynistic and racist the studio interview was (surprise, surprise with what we got from Cyberpunk, lol) so vowed to just ignore.

Flash forward to a few years ago (what is time anymore) when GOG.Com came out with Gwent as a standalone game. Up to that point, I've seen some random scenes of the video games from watching friend streamers play it, so I knew of Gwent. It felt like it was supposed to be as difficult to figure out as Triple Triad from Final Fantasy. But I had a chance to play a beta version of the game. There was a storyline/lore component to learn the game, which was of course narrated by Dandelion. I loved everything about him, even though I didn't know much, but totally my type (I've been a Gambit fan since the Saturday morning cartoon). And already, I was like hmm... What if Dandelion and Geralt? I didn't play the beta long as I got distracted with other stuff and then again Witcher was far from my mind.

Until the Netflix series. Being a fan of Henry Cavil, I was willing to give it a shot. It wasn't until the person I was dating at the time (Jan 2020) insisted on watching it that I finally did. They were a HUGE fan of the book series, having read it all and played the games. So it took a while for me to realize Dandelion was Jaskier, and then things were filled for me as we watched the first few episodes together.

I watched the rest of the season on my own. And again, I was captivated by Jaskier. I don't think it was obvious in season one what was definitely set up on season two. I'm definitely a shipper type of person. But for me, in tv shows? It's almost never the canon ships they want people to see. So it was Istredd/Yennefer and Geralt/Jaskier almost immediately. I didn't know at the time that twenty years had passed from first and last appearances of Jaskier. At least the amount of time that Cirilla was born, for sure.

Look, the barker/bard trailing after the big macho fighter and being the plucky best friend/sidekick is not new. We had Hercules & Joxer, Xena and Gabrielle, He-Man and Gwil-dor, Sherlock & Watson, Robin Hood & Much, Blair & Jim. And in a lot of these, there's a fandom for the pairing. It's just as good as rivals/enemies to lovers. And nearly in all of these, the canon states (except for Xena & Gabrielle) that they are all straight people who only love each other in a platonic way.

We'll get more on that later.

But here are two good friends, complete opposites in nearly every which way who's managed to not kill each other (intentionally) for two decades. And there was Jaskier, reaching out for Geralt, to give us that hint of "hey it's been twenty years, is what pleases us still the same" in Jaskier's demeanor. Geralt was cranky before the mountain, maybe it was the beginning signs of a friendship that needed to adapt/evolve. Nothing can stay the same for that long span of years (at least for humans). And Jaskier, being a very perceptive person, was feeling that out, was realizing maybe something needed to change.

Having slept through an important battle and missed out on a very important discussion regarding his best friend, Jaskier then tries to to do what he always does best. Be an outlet for Geralt, with humor and annoyance. Problem is, he misjudges and gets a verbal lashing that actually affects him. It's the fact that Geralt NEVER said "go" in this that makes it even worse. Because even when they first met, Geralt had tried to leave Jaskier behind and never see him again. It's the words never said, but all in the actions and feeling that Jaskier gets the message. It's not like old fights or yelling.

(What's even MORE frustrating, is in the season two recap we get before starting the first ep, we don't see Jaskier until a little over halfway of the 3minutes. We see everything that Geralt claims is Jaskier's fault, except edited in a way where Jaskier is not shown. And then we get the shit shovel line and Jaskier's heartbreak. AND, super imposed audio of the first meeting: "This is where we part ways, bard, for good." implying he said it in the mountain.

Now, being a video editor and social media marketer myself, and having worked with game marketing departments, one hand doesn't listen to the other. So can't blame this on the writing/editing of the show itself. But it's very telling that they make this scene worse than it is and imply Jaskier's part in Geralt's life was miniscule compared to everything else.)

And then it's the last we see of Jaskier. Obviously, between the pain on Jaskier's face and the vitriol spewed by Geralt, the heartache and heartbreak is where it really cemented this relationship.

It's meant to be platonic heartbreak. And believe me, I know. I've had friends I've loved (in a friend/platonic way) who've betrayed me, who've broken my heart in worse ways than actual relationships have. It's powerful, and it's not often showed or talked about. Especially in fandoms where we're grasping for more queer content that we'll translate this. It's still just as important and meaningful even if we just kept this at surface level.

But what makes this hard to swallow sometimes too, is the book fans crying out about how their relationship in the books wasn't like this. That Geralt was always sweet to Jaskier and they were obviously best friends and yeah Jaskier got on his (and other's) nerves as is the way of being a loud, flamboyant bard. While it was in the books and games that they didn't spend all twenty years together, Jaskier having his own life and pursuits, and probably stupid petty fights too, they never had a break up like this. It never got to this point. When you adapt texts, you have to be mindful of what you change and what that implies.

In theory, this meant that Netflix!Geralt cared less about this friendship than Book!Geralt. And up until the viewing of season two, most fans didn't want to believe this. We gave excuses for his more recalcitrant nature and even more silent demeanor. We still believed and hoped that Netflix!Geralt cared just as much and regretted it immediately. It's unsure whether that final look we get is of that, or if Geralt was just in his head too much (could be both).

INTERMISSION. FRIENDSHIPS VS BROMANCE

Now, there's an argument I've heard a few times, both from online people I know and from just general commentary on media... "Why can't we just have good platonic relationships? Why can't they just be friends?" when talking about a presumed same sex couple. And there's definitely some validity to that and truth to that. But in media, everything's extremely heteronormative. People are always saying "men and women can't be friends" and using that as an excuse to romance two people of different genders. You never hear that about "same sex" friendships.

(I apologize at keeping this in the restrictive binary. Relationships of all sorts are much more complicated and nuanced, and there's not the same tropes with transgender, nonbinary and other minority identities. And while I'm currently questioning my cis-ness, I'm not capable of expanding this conversation with confidence.)

I've watched only a handful of interviews about season two since watching the season, mostly Joey's, and it's emphasized of course about the friendship they have, and being able to celebrate just the closeness and intimacy they have. As friends. Who just happen to be two guys. And that's great. In the very online world that we live in now, we don't actually see a lot of positive male intimacy in American/Western society/media.

There's always the idea of #NoHomo and the marketable #Bromance that's thrown around. There's a lot of toxic masculinity going around that affects everyone, about not showing feelings to other guys, not showing how much their guy friends mean to each other. Usually when we see some form of male intimacy between seemingly straight guys, it's usually quickly played up for laughs, or it happens after some very traumatic event. Sometimes it's the pat on the back type of hug, sometimes it's an actual, genuine full hug. I always think back to the FRIENDS episode where Joey and Ross become nap buddies. They fall asleep together and curl up with each other. They accept it when they're alone. But as soon as anyone else finds out, it's "oh shit!" and they pull apart and then it's known to the group, so they stop doing it.

So no, we really don't get enough positive reinforcements of this. And on the other side, while women friends are more accepted and not questioned, whenever a guy is involved and there's that misnomer love triangle, then suddenly they can't be good or close friends. We get them competing for attention of the guy, or being jealous of each other. Or if one's in a relationship and the other isn't, their friendship usually turns into either complaining about the guy or complaining about being single. And in the few shows that have women as the main characters (such as Rizzoli & Isles) it's very much more about them being independent and not needing a guy and how relationships interfere with their dynamic. We rarely if ever see that particular situation when a show is comprised of mostly male lead characters.

And that's the problem. So many shows, "genre" and modern, are comprised of mostly male leads and casts and are mostly straight. So the whole "why can't they just be friends" argument doesn't hold up that well when we have queerbaiting/bromance marketing going on all the time for shows like Hawaii 5-0, NCIS: LA, Psych, Lethal Weapon show, or even shows not marketed like that like Sons of Anarchy, Cobra Kai, The Boys, and others. And even in non-Western media, we have to contend with shows based on actual LGBTQIA+ works being transformed into "just good friends" like Sleuth of Ming Dynasty because of censorship and other things.

Wheel of Time has some of the best queer rep I've seen in a studio made fantasy adventure show. It fails in other departments, but goddamn, did it make me happy to see polyamory, and queer people, especially queer people of color. And it was a mix of having to hide it (because of politics not favoring relationships of any sort) and being proudly open about it. It's not there as shock value or to titillate or prove a point about someone's proclivities (looking at you, Yennefer orgy scene in season 01).

So when the first season of Witcher came out, it was always marketed as Geralt and Yennefer as the big romance. It was never doing the bromance thing with Jaskier, even though we got more scenes with Jaskier & Geralt together than Yennefer & Geralt making their supposed romance/lust for each other seem very contrived. Even me with knowing how it was years of back and forth with the two in the books, couldn't really see it.

All we get in the show is sexual attraction. It's there in spades between Geralt and Yennefer. There's only implied emotional connect at the end, right when they force the issue in the Mountain scene. It was too little too late. A little bit of this gets fixed in season two, but we'll get to that (sorta).

And this is an issue in a lot of heterosexual "romances" in media, both on TV and in movies. It's always about sexual attraction and then a relationship and then maybe if one's lucky, there's emotional/romantic/mental attraction between the two. And usually it's lopsided.

One gregarious example is with Big Bang Theory. While I liked Leonard mostly in the first season (playing shy nerdy dude who seemed to be a good guy), it was more and more obvious (and tech obvious from the get-go), that he really only cared about Penny's beauty and his attraction to her. This is supposed to be the extreme case of opposites attract. But what Penny first fell for in Leonard was the whole "not like other guys" which was the masculine definition, someone taller than her, strong, and conventionally sexy, but almost always an asshole. She liked that he was sweet and kind to her with not really expecting anything else. Aka the "friendzone." She eventually learns to like him and feel attraction to him because of who he supposedly is. We really never get that from Leonard's side. And while he never cared about her being as smart as him, things really didn't get serious until she got a more reputable job that was science-adjacent. And in one of the many seasons when they were broken up and "just friends", they go out on a friend date and he admits that when they were dating, he only pretended to like the things she was into to get sex. He even lauded it over her. Meanwhile, she suffered with Sheldon's tutelage so she could feel a little smarter. She wasn't a geek, but she tried to get into his geekdom. (We'll ignore the only time this ever worked was when Sheldon got her into things like Star Trek, MMORPGs, and a few others when she felt genuinely interested.)

So here we have Geralt and Yennefer who do actually have a lot in common but we don't get it in the show. I'm sure it's in the books, and fandom, even Geraskier fandom, fills in the blanks about why they should have worked but also why it makes sense that they don't. They're both opposites and yet too much alike. But because they're straight (supposedly, orgy scene aside), that means they're just supposed to fit and it be unquestioned. We get no romance, just some possible romantic lines.

Now here's an interesting thing. In a lot of "bromances" or buddy cop shows, there's always the line of "you act like a married couple", (this also happens in Hallmark Romances with het characters), and usually it's regard to friendly or not so friendly bickering/teasing/light fighting. It always felt like a wink wink nod nod kind of thing. It also is part of that whole trope that's SO excessive in het romances (especially Shoujo manga) that fighting and hiding things and pulling pigtails is indicative of love, and it's "just so obvious guys". So with straight couples, it's a sign of true love, but with generally two men? It's just a joke and they're "just bros" or "good friends".

As a writer, I do my best to do research even for throwaway lines. The Netflix site for the Witcher Timeline is invaluable as I want to stay true to Netflix and then sprinkle in game/book stuff when there's not enough information. I keep forgetting sites like these are VERY ephemeral. I luckily took a cap above before season two hit. There wasn't much about Jaskier in the last iteration of the site before season two (the events of the animated prequel were added then). We had his date of birth which confirmed 20 years went by, and that he came from Oxenfurt and Lettenhove (no mention of Viscount). Now, I don't remember if one of the entries was always like this, but only when I checked last did I notice the paragraph about Jaskier and Geralt. And instead of using the tried and true phrase of "bicker like an old couple" it actually said "they fight like brothers."

That's... not a phrase I've seen often in shows with two main leads, unless they were previously "brothers in arms" in the military or something. I thought this was very choice wording, especially considering that Geralt does have his own brothers and we see he treats them in season two way differently than we've seen him treat Jaskier. Granted, one main difference is that when Jaskier is in trouble, Geralt doesn't hesitate to help him. But this is more I believe because Jaskier is just human and needs that protection than the other Witchers.

I'll touch more on that odd line from the older Netflix entry later, or at least tie it in with what we'll probably get in season 03. Mind, I know we'll never get canon Geraskier. It feels like we'll get bi Jaskier at least, and then quite possibly confirmation of a queer platonic relationship. (I do worry though this will play out like how The Rock handles any queer guys in his last two films: Jungle Cruise & Red Notice, which isn't great.)

Again, we do need more instances of queer platonic relationships, especially in a healthy, positive, affirming light. I just don't think that'll happen here given how poorly Jaskier is treated in the show and related media (like in the updated Netflix timeline site). It would just be nice, you know? It's miserable we're still desperate for crumbs in 2022.

Treatment of Jaskier by Others in Season 01

The Bard is almost always treated as a comedic sidekick in shows, or the supposed best friend of the main hero. They're the ones to lighten up the situation and give some softness to the gruff/angst-ridden lead. They're the wingman. We see this often in Joxer, Gabrielle, Ron, Poe Dameron, Danno (his stories are always second to McGarret), Riley (of National Treasure), Goose, Gus, Donkey, Genie... Usually, the only one that sees their worth or that they're more than just there for comic relief is the audience and the hero. But not always.

Understandably, Yennefer cares not for the bard (and vice versa). We don't get confirmation till the second season that a lot of it is jealousy/rivalry based, and not just Jaskier's personality. But it makes sense, more sense than Yennefer and Geralt's romance.

When we first meet Jaskier, the Posadans don't care for him at all for his shit songs, and that makes sense. He's 18, doesn't know how to read the regular folk, and is very academic. The Sylvan and Elves? Hate humans, especially naïve ones who only know of the hateful rhetoric.

Now, it's roughly 6-8ish years after Posada that Jaskier is invited to play for Calanthe. No matter her opinion of him (which is low) she still invited him. And this is Cintra, where EVERYONE on the continent was afraid to mess with politically or otherwise. So it's definitely high praise if she's seeking out entertainment OUTSIDE her walls, especially from a possible Redanian. (Still unsure where Lettenhove is but, still at least very north of Cintra.) So while Toss a Coin has become an earworm that everyone loves to hate, or hates to love, it's still has brought him fame. Along with every other song he's created since then. Jaskier is already becoming extremely well known. And he plays with the court band well. In the briefest of cameos with the court band, they don't hate him, they like him, and there's at least musical/professional respect going on.

Frankly, this is the only time we see anyone treat Jaskier with respect that's not connected with either his flirtations OR with Geralt (like when the villagers were eager to tell their tales to Jaskier). We get the angry cuckolded noble, we get Mousesack who sniffs at the ridiculous outfit, we get the Queen who sniffs at anyone really who's not a warrior. But at least she enjoys the music when Jaskier changes it up.

I'm not sure about Chireadan, who was hard to watch in his scenes, and doesn't necessarily look down at Jaskier, but it seems like it was more like "we're both lowly people who should bow to the awesomeness that is Yennefer and/or powerful people like Geralt" than anything. Again, here it was more playing for laughs.

Up the mountain, Yarpin and his lot obviously don't care for Jaskier, and neither do the rest of the adventuring party. They just see a foppish fool of a bard. And yeah, Jaskier isn't at his best at his poor flirtation with Téa and Véa. This really reminded me of all the attempts Gus does around Shawn in Psych, skating the lines of creepiness. Again, despite us being told he gets around easily and is the "typical bard" who flirts with anyone, we don't see him being smooth and suave. This could be because he's distracted with Yennefer's presence, or the fact there was again some tension going on with him and Geralt in the beginning of the episode. And then Borch also pays him no mind, more interested in the destiny and chaos surrounding Geralt and Yennefer.

Despite the fact that we're now at twenty years of Jaskier following Geralt around, he still acts like he doesn't know what he's doing for an adventuring party, talking to an unknown and possibly deadly creature. Showing up his supposed incompetence and buffoonery. We can meta this as him just being that goodhearted person that we know, that he's still naïve (and harkens to a famous book quote about him still acting like a child of 10), and that it's not necessarily a bad thing. He's with Geralt, he technically doesn't have to worry about anything.

But, the whole "what pleases me" scene and his reaction to witnessing a traumatic "death" was fantastic and sobering and we get that hint of him realizing it's been YEARS at this and maybe, just maybe, something should change. Like what I wrote at the beginning where he's realizing this subtle shift with Geralt, he's possibly realizing now a shift within himself.

And then we have Geralt. Who barely tolerated him in the first adventure, punched him for mentioning the Butcher, tried to leave him for good after selflessly trying to sacrifice himself for him. Next, we see him barely tolerating him after a nasty hunt, making faces at him (and the bartender which was hilarious), but relying on him for a good bath and the possibility of good food and drink. He then lies to a noble to save his friend, doing it in such a way that yes would make the noble feel bad for the man, but also again, to belittle Jaskier (and emasculate him despite his supposed reputation of being a pleaser). Still, he does his due diligence and even after the end of everything still tries to warn Jaskier to play it safe. The djinn situation makes it seem it happened within a year of Cintra (1249) but it was actually 7 years later. Obviously it wasn't seven years since Jaskier seen Geralt but they definitely hadn't spent most of that year together. We can't fault Geralt's demeaner here with Jaskier, as both aren't in their best of minds. But here we see that he does care (even beyond just helping a hapless human), willing to make a deal with a powerful rogue court mage. Once he's assured that Jaskier will be fine, he relaxes. This is not necessarily a bad thing but when it comes to Jaskier, we see in season two that Geralt is shit at follow through/ups.

I really wish we had gotten one more episode of their adventures to see their friendship more, and hell, more of Geralt and Yennefer interacting that wasn't just sex, but showing how their brilliant minds could solve problems.

But no, despite seeing this care and then kind of discard of Jaskier (Geralt finally getting sleep and who knows if Jaskier stayed around that time or not), we go right to the mountain. Where Geralt again is irritated with Jaskier who's just trying to write a new song and waiting by Roach. Like I had mentioned earlier with Jaskier seemingly not have changed in 20 years, Geralt's treatment to Jaskier here shows similar to Posada. He again mostly ignores Jaskier, worried for Yennefer. And especially when Jaskier tries to not be his bardic self (maybe showing that noble upbringing), to console him and open up to him, Geralt takes it as sign to just go to Yennefer and not realize what Jaskier was attempting.

Who knows why Jaskier isn't woken up by the morning activities, that he misses all the action. Is it because Geralt's so focused on Yennefer? Possibly. Is it because Geralt thinks Jaskier would be safer away? Maybe. More likely it's the Yennefer thing AND that he knows Jaskier would be pretty much useless in a fight. And then the final interaction. Jaskier, not knowing the context, trying to be what was always expected of him, someone to make light of the situation, to get Geralt's mind off of things, and maybe he expected annoyance, but not the anger and vitriol.

Overall, Jaskier is not treated with kindness and respect. We're told that he's loved by a lot, and his songs are famous and revered, and beyond everyone enjoying Toss a Coin, we almost see none of that. He's just here for the comedic outlet, for the songs. Never mind in the books, he's treated better by most everyone, that he's done a lot of respectable things including being a famous musician. He has many flaws, and we see them, just despite it all, he's a good person, he's doing his best, he's HUMAN. And one of the best humans out there for anyone considered or is non-human. Jaskier is a contradiction in so many ways but we shouldn't be getting so much of that in the show and supplements related to the show. But, at least season one ends with the final song Jaskier was working on with Geralt.

I am weak my love, and I am wanting.

Season 02: Where's Jaskier?

The writer(s) seemed to realize that hey, Jaskier is a HUGE fan favorite. We do get more depth to Jaskier in season two, at least more obvious than all the implication in season 01, but again, there's so much contradictions and so much ERASURE done to ensure we're all reminded that this is the Geralt and Ciri and Yennefer show. This part here is just me as a fan's feelings (I mean all of this is but I've been trying to analyze and talk it out with facts we know), but I feel like we were punished in ways for wanting more Jaskier (and possibly Geraskier fandom being one of the loudest? I'm unsure, I kept myself in a grief bubble for most of last year) for what we do and don't get in season two.

Mainly, we had to wait for FOUR episodes for Jaskier to appear. He's not even MENTIONED or referenced in the first three episodes. His part in season one of the recap was erased to JUST show Jaskier being tossed aside, despite his importance to the events in Geralt's life. How does Geralt not bring Jaskier up when talking to Ciri? Even just a passing "I was at your parents' betrothal cause I was protecting a dumb bard" or something. This bothered me so much I wrote a character study about that first episode lol. It's tossed in our faces too when Geralt mentions who his friends are but never once called Jaskier a friend, or admitted it.

There's a possible chance that Yennefer again was the first to mention Jaskier in an offhand way when she picks up that the elven songs have actual lyrics. That's what I was hoping on. This is still a possibility given what we now know will be happening in the prequel mini-series (which I hope turns to be a full on series on its own right). I haven't scoured every single interview for everything, so maybe that's been confirmed? I'll go on the current presumption it's not.

In the original Netflix site timeline, it indicated that between the mountain and Geralt finding Ciri was just nearly a year. It seems like the show writers forgot about that (and what is distance, crossing the continent back and forth like it was only a half day's ride without portals but I digress), and tries to make this entire season fit in just winter?? So three months? Man, music must've spread like wildfire for Jaskier to have THREE BANGERS hit across the continent (Her Sweet Kiss, The Golden One, and now as the Sandpiper, "Man of a Thousand Grunts"). Which we all agree on is impossible again to make such connections with Ciri and the Witchers and just... I'm still going to go with at least a year in between and then maybe 3-5 months with Geralt & Ciri together.

I bring you that tangent because it's related to what we do learn of Jaskier this whole season. Of what he did before we FINALLY see him.

Even the above snippet from Netflixpedia (as I'm going to dub it from here on out) is truly too short of a summary of Jaskier's escapades the past twenty years. Granted, we get a few extra in the locations and events around the continent, but it's still sparse. This is I believe one of the few entries not written as Jaskier (which is common across all media that most of the narration done is by Jaskier/Dandelion himself).

Going with the belief of about a year in between seasons, we know this. Jaskier made it safely down the mountain. Jaskier did not stop composing or performing. Jaskier believed that when Cintra fell, possibly the Witcher did too, temporarily (How disappointing). For a time, instead of going straight back to Oxenfurt, he went to Bleobheris. Although we got "Her Sweet Kiss" at the end of season 01, I don't think he finished it first. I think "The Golden One" came out first. Like "Toss Your Coin", it was a surprise hit, and much similar to one hit wonder pop songs like "Friday" where it's just an ear worm. It's not Jaskier's best, musicality wise still good, but he wrote it cause he needed to get the Mountain out and make himself feel better. Maybe working out his feelings.

I believe he finally released "Her Sweet Kiss" when he thought possibly Geralt and/or Yennefer was dead (Battle of Sodden taking out so many sorcerers and sorceresses). Mind, he's still heartbroken and hurting and the anger building. But Bleobheris happens. We figure he was there at least long enough for it to really make an impression. Was it his first time there? Who knows. Maybe he was even starting to heal a bit, being among others like himself. And then he witnesses an atrocity first hand. I'm sure Jaskier has witnessed a lot, but he's smart to keep himself out of anything military wise. And in this Netflix version, he hasn't done any spying (as far it feels like) prior to the Mountain. But this, similar to what happened in Posada is possibly the first time he's seen anything like it. It's scarring. He knows he's lucky to have been considered "safe" and not a "danger". We'll get more on this below. That affected him deeply, both as a compassionate and empathic person, and knowing it could eventually come down to him. He gets enough out of his rut to be willing to do anything to help. To not shovel piles of shit and be a useless bard. To have a purpose that aligns with his heart and head and abilities.

So he becomes the Sandpiper.

"The common sandpiper is a migrator, but it frequents similar habitats year-round. When in upland areas, sandpipers live along river, ponds, or lakes."

Seems fitting, no?

Between the raid and Oxenfurt and his new identity, he pens what we call "Burn, Butcher, Burn" but technically at last check on Netflixpedia, it's actually called "Man of a Thousand Grunts". His heartbreak and hurt manifested into this song when he realizes that Geralt is still alive. And after all this time, has not come for him. I won't necessarily fault Geralt for this (even most of Geraskier fandom doesn't, we love parent!Geralt), and to a point not even Jaskier later on. But it doesn't mean it doesn't sting, it doesn't hurt. No check ups, no letters left, nothing. And he's dramatic, he's admitted this. With his new purpose in life, he needs to do his best to get past twenty years of history. But it's not easy. He writes this break up song as a way to move on and of course like all his other songs, it's a hit.

Jaskier has been a popular artist for at least a decade. This isn't recent. It may be the most music he's churned out in a season—it helps if he's not on the road dodging monsters and taking care of Witchers, but he's consistent.

Let's not also forget that it seems like he singlehandedly came up with this idea of the Sandpiper or at least put it into execution. That's no easy feat. To use his charm to get several benefactors and to keep the chain going. It had to be working for a long enough time, and he's managed to DISGUISE himself as Sandpiper without a real disguise in the city where Julian Alfred Pankratz/Jaskier, master of the seven arts and occasional teacher is FAMOUS. Granted, yes, it seems like one of his biggest benefactors is freaking Sigismund Dijkstra, but still.

He could've gone back and gone to court or just stayed in the bubble of Oxenfurt Academy. But he doesn't. He does this work as often as there's ships to give enough passage. He's holding a lot of hate and hurt in his heart for what happened on the Mountain, for what is happening to the poor Elves and others. And he's drinking. He's drinking constantly, even before Yennefer gets to him, and definitely after. I believe the drinking isn't necessarily due to the heartbreak but also what he witnessed at the raid. He's no one to confide in, to rely on, even when he reunites with this new Yennefer, and eventually Geralt.

But all this? We learn in a few choice sentences and references. What we get on screen of Jaskier is perfect and wonderful and Joey Batey is probably now one of my most favorite actors and singers out there. All the little things, the subtle the looks and touches he does.

We can see through his quips and expressions and mannerisms that he hasn't moved on. He was ready to be just as nasty to Yennefer as he always was, not caring that she could literally hex his balls off. And I'm sure he had a whole speech ready for Geralt too. But she comes and hugs him, relieved for something resembling normal and safe for her. Her whole demeanor is different. We know she's grown and learned and matured (at least a little) to realize Jaskier's worth before even getting to the Sandpiper business, but I'm sure that helped too. And especially after his explanation. Finally, he has someone who understands, even if it's his rival.

I love their relationship, their dynamics. I wish we saw the cattiness of them in season one even more than what we saw, the in betweens, when Geralt and Yennefer were on a good footing for a bit. But still, this is great, and we can see that Jaskier is touch starved/friend starved. He latches onto Yennefer but is smart enough to know when to let go, to know that he still has a lot of shit to work through. Yennefer brings memories of what he could never have, and if he can save her, and never see her again? Then at least he'll feel accomplished.

I also LOVE that little bit. That he knew. That it was a conversation had either with Yennefer or with Geralt, about her family origins. And it was never a thing lorded over her cause of course Jaskier isn't like that. That despite everything he hates of her, it's not and never been her heritage.

Now, every time we see something serious or mature done by Jaskier, it has to be "balanced" with him giving into his flaws. This is where we get to learn that he did write a song about the mountain, and meeting a fan of sorts. His ego and hubris gets to him, and even admits to himself that he's doing the stupid thing to argue with this guy, potentially ruining this night's run of getting the Elves (and Yennefer) to safety. We have to presume this is a rare occurrence since no on seems wary on relying or searching for the Sandpiper. So that means he has to be consistently helping.

Quick aside. While the writing overall was much better this season as a whole, there are so many easy/simple parallels going on and the writers patting themselves on the back. They're consistently setting things up for an easy win (much to the detriment of characterization when it came to the Witchers and their Keep, or that we can get across the continent conveniently in a day when needed) without good follow through. This scene is to set up Jaskier is beholden to his pride and to give another elf the chance of redemption for the death of a young black elf. It's very contrived and frustrating.

"The Golden One" isn't his best work, not even better than "Toss a Coin" but it's popular and loved and it's possibly one of the few songs (Dandy Lion aside) where Jaskier's inserted himself. Yeah, it's an easy line of him getting the girls, but it's deeper (calling my right of death of the author here) than that. It's him trying to prove to himself and the others that he's not a shit shoveler, that he's a "worthy travel companion" to others. It's a small bit to the rest of the song about the greatness of a dragon. It's technically not supposed to be noticed or called out, just a silly little bard insert, yet it hurts when it's the main part being criticized, along with it being apparently one of his weakest songs. But it's his first song he's written post Geralt fully. So obviously it's still a dear song to him.

And as us who are content creators know online, or even just being professionals online in social media, sometimes it's the straw that breaks the camel back of being told how to do what we're trained to do by people who have NO idea what's it like. (Being a game dev person, a writer, a video editor, and worked manufacturing, it's amazing what Twitter & YouTube commenters think they know about in these industries. Amongst other parallels.) While Jaskier is a well known artist, a rock star in his own right, he doesn't play just the big venues (court, festivals), he plays taverns and bars. For the Sandpiper gig, it has to be that way. I mention this cause it gives the illusion that anyone can come up to him and talk to him like a professional when they're not. Jaskier also is someone who thrives on people liking him, praising him, or engaging him meaningfully so it's not like he's going to keep his distance either. So this, along with what he says to Rience, shows that it's an extremely common occurrence. And he's at that part of his career where he doesn't have to listen to just anyone about his music.

Despite that hiccup, he gets the elves on, meets Dara briefly (and hopefully inspired him), and says what he hopes is final goodbye to Yennefer.

And then he gets hit over the head, knocked out, and loses his lute, for good. Fitting final scene of seeing it broken. The end of an era.

Now the torture scene with Rience is apparently longer and more brutal than it was in the books. All we know is that he gets beaten for a few hours (anywhere between 2 and 4 or more depending on the tides of the ship leaving and it being early morning when he's finally rescued), not spilling anything. And then the fire and his fingers are burned. Not by REGULAR fire mind, but mage fire. Probably burns hotter than we expected. And all it takes is those few seconds to get serious burns.

And despite it all, Jaskier holds out, still has his wits about him. If we take what he says at face value, and later scenes sort of reinforce it. Sadly twenty years of being Geralt's companion yet Geralt never shared anything to Jaskier? Fanon of course had it that Jaskier did see Cirilla a few times after she was born. It's believable (if albeit sad) that Jaskier never went to Kaer Morhen, but man, maybe if he was a sex worker he would have since they were frequent visitors apparently. What he slips out could be coincidence of him making it up, and yes we know Jaskier is brilliant with words. Or it could have all been a ruse and Jaskier did know more but managed to keep it to himself.

Did we ever figure out HOW Rience found the keep?? Man that keep was so easily found by so many this season. And The Killer pass wasn't so murderous.

But guh, that speech was great, and how he's able to go from the pain of torture to improving with Yennefer AND at the same time be scared for her since she has no magic and seemingly as defenseless as him. Fantastic scene there. We see both of their vulnerabilities, we see Jaskier's quick-wittedness (along with Yennefer's), we see how well he knows Oxenfurt by the back of his hand, knowing which way to go and where, and willing to goad men to follow him. Despite being "a humble (human) bard", he's fast on his feet, nimble for his age. And he knows his worth, that he's the damsel and even without her powers, Yennefer's still formidable.

I would've loved to see how Jaskier rescued Yennefer from the brothel, we saw his mind working quick before she escaped herself. And then he's thrown into a prison. For how long? Who knows, a few days, a week. Even without the flashback timeline shenanigans, time is still wibbly wobbly in this season. It's enough that his untreated burns have healed a bit.

Writing nitpick. Oxenfurt is his home. Why didn't he use his name or his place at the Academy to get out of Jail? We know he has a large network of people, outside of the Sandpiper business, and this is his city, not a foreign land. Other than for plot sake, it's weird.

You can on Spotify hear the whole rendition of Whoreson Prison Blue's but I still love the "live" version we hear in the jailcell. Here's Jaskier's beautiful mind always composing, always coming up with something to wile away time or piss off people to his advantage. When he's not alone (truly) or have access to alcohol, he remains pretty stoic and unflappable. We see the charm and Disney princess like quality of him befriending some mice. Played to comedic effect of course, but it works, shows more of what kind of person Jaskier is.

Again, commending Joey Batey's fantastic acting here, giving us so much in the span of a few seconds. He sees Geralt and the relief of him being there, being alive. The "Fuck it" and the hug is so good, and we get Geralt showing a positive emotion and glimmer of guilt (not enough). We get to see Jaskier not be a push over (sort of) when he tries to get Geralt into an actual conversation, an actual apology, because we know and he knows that Jaskier's forgiven him already. Not forgotten, but forgiven. And while Geralt doesn't say "I need you" (again it's Yennefer first) it's close enough for Jaskier.

It's frustrating that we don't get to see the fallout of everything Jaskier's been through, to show anyone have any concern for him and what he went through. We do get a lovely fan service scene of Jaskier and Geralt falling into their old dynamics, with Jaskier cleaning up and doing a bit of exposition and comedy. We see that Jaskier isn't an idiot at all, gullible maybe because he constantly tries to assume the best of people, even Yennefer. But despite the strides he and Yennefer made into amending whatever their own dynamics are, he's of course going to take time to get through those feelings he's harbored for almost a decade when it concerns her. It's easier to slip, especially with Geralt around, to snarking about her, to try and ensure that Geralt doesn't fall back in love or forgiveness for her. But we can see that even Jaskier knows he's fighting a losing battle about it.

The scene with Yarpen and his crew again showcases how little is cared for about Jaskier, but granted, he couldn't remember their names or faces. I do say though he's been nearly drinking himself to oblivion since the mountain, and they didn't care for him back then so why should he do the same?

We get the high horse apology and immediately Jaskier cuts Geralt off, quipping with him and putting Geralt at ease. It's a sweet scene, even if most of fandom doesn't think it's enough (it's not). Jaskier was the one tortured and rotting away in a cell and yet he's the one walking having to look up at Geralt. We see Jaskier sympathizing and empathizing again, learning what Geralt's been through, and putting Geralt (and Ciri) and his needs first and foremost. Jaskier knows Geralt best, knows that the Witcher carries so much on his shoulders, both deserved and undeserved. It's easy to ensure there's one less burden there.

But we can see in the lingering looks and the mannerisms when Geralt isn't looking at Jaskier, that Jaskier still hurts, still aches. His heart is still shattered into a million pieces. But he's a good person, and he won't hold it over Geralt now. He tried in the jail cell to get what he desperately needed. Not the time or place, but will Jaskier ever get what's owed him at least? I doubt it.

Do we even know why Geralt needed Jaskier's help? Just to have someone with him to look for Ciri? To get the Yennefer information and that's it? Or simply for the escort mission to the apparently short distance from Cintra to Kaer Morhen? (Which should've taken weeks.) Jaskier's there though not really in the escort back, no one knowing that Ciri gets possessed.... And then the next we see him is him drunk in a cold bed, sleeping nearly the entire big event away (again). Except Yennefer searches for him.

Yennefer is the one that says she needs HIM. Not his help but him. Seriously their dynamic is so good this season, through and through, and I hope in the next we'll get more of it. Jaskier shows again that he believes he knows his worth, he's not a coward, he's smart. What can he, a human do? So Yennefer gives him a McGuffin.

I really feel like Jaskier was made to be a McGuffin to us fans, teasing us with all this potential. At our grasps yet the follow through is never quite there. (I feel the same with Dara and Istredd. Like the writers knew the fans cared about these characters but they weren't important enough to do much but muddle around in the plot. I love these two and what they tried to do for themselves and others but again, frustration.

Because yeah, in the end, even though Geralt did hear Jaskier, how much of that was really needed? Geralt and the other Witchers were kind of being really stupid in this fight (and in Eskel's fight too) just for the sake of it. Jaskier risked life and limb to the one job he was given. He was determined. But the Jasper, like he, was useless, wasn't needed, truly.

Though we are teased with Dijkstra's reveal that he's one of the Bard's benefactors. That he's of some use and Dijkstra's going to come collect. I fear this means we'll have Jaskier separate again just so that Yennefer, and Geralt, and Ciri can interact and be the DESTINED TRIO. Jaskier will be bardnapped and pressed into spy services, hopefully being actually more crucial to the political plots going on. It may also mean like it seems like a betrayal to Geralt, but we know Jaskier won't do it so willingly. It's been teased in an interview that he'll have a more significant part, and this could be why. I just want him and the other three to have some good adventures together and not suffering.

The final two times we see Jaskier are both meaningful but also contradictory. When the trio comes back from another Sphere, Jaskier goes to Yennefer first, cause she's without chaos and "technically" the weakest of the three. He's genuinely worried for her, for her potential sacrifice to make things right again. The soft touches, the looks at each other before he looks at Ciri and Geralt. He may not be able to do much, but he's able to do this.

Jaskier's an outsider. The only human up in the keep. Everyone knew of Yennefer and Geralt, but we have no indication Geralt talked about Jaskier (like how he wasn't mentioned at all in the first episode this season). He technically didn't help in the fight (he tried). And all he wanted was to feel like he belonged. But instead, we had to be reminded on how little people think of Jaskier, that he's just the comedic sidekick. And so he gets pushed roughly away from Lambert, and is told he's not part of the family. Which Jaskier accepts. Cause it was always this way for him. He takes it mostly in stride, as he does every lump he's been given. And paralleling last season, he is dismissed and that's what we last see.

(Jaskier's) Respect Doesn't Make History

There were times in season one mostly where Jaskier seemingly breaks the fourth wall. The most obvious example of this in season two is when he tells Yennefer that he's supposed to be the damsel in distress. We get these small snippets of Jaskier knowing his place in the grand scheme of things. And he accepts it. He's not the main character. He's the storyteller, he's the one that gets to tell everyone else about the main characters, create scenarios where the real heroes get to prove that they are heroes. I think partially that's why he doesn't push for the respect owed to him beyond his music. It's why that he clings to needing to be right about his music, his craft, which becomes his detriment at times, or his folly. It's why he hides his pain in a breakup song and drink, and lets Geralt believe everything is okay.

Fandom wants a proper apology, wants proper acknowledgement of everything Jaskier's done for and been through with Geralt. Even as friends, brothers, this is just as important than if they were lovers, and in some ways even more important. Especially if the hints thrown this season gets cemented with Jaskier being bi (even if it's typical TV!bi like Lucifer and not atypical!bi like Constantine). Because queer platonic relationships demand respect and love and courtesy and importance as others.

I don't think we'll get this. We may get one more acknowledgement from Geralt, either before Jaskier is taken by Sigi or maybe after he needs rescue again, but it won't be enough. I worry we'll get the typical masculine portrayal of forgiveness (something that's shown frequently between Geralt and his Wolf brothers) of blowing up and then it's water under the bridge. We sort of already got that, but we'll probably get one more of it from the other half too (burn, butcher, burn after all).

I've already mentioned it a few times but emphasizing here, that we get a lot of fantastic writing and acting with Jaskier in this season. Yet also, with the writing, just all these teasers and failed stopping points. We have to be constantly reminded that Jaskier is the side kick, the best buddy friend, the support, but most importantly... The comedic relief. If not through jokes than through his pratfalls. This in essence isn't a bad thing as it's a lot of Jaskier's charm, a lot of why we as the audience love him. He brings levity and joy and innocence, and the human experience. He's surrounded by Destined Ones^TM and people of awesome power, and he can still stand up with them.

But he must always know his place.

Especially in the Netflixpedia, in the dock worker who had an opinion, in the prison guard, in Yarpen and his crew, and in Lambert and the surviving Witchers. And, in Sigismund Dijkstra.

They are all people who don't know Jaskier and takes him and his antics at face value. Despite most knowing of him, of hearing his deeds or songs for the past couple of decades.

We see the maturity of Jaskier, of him figuring out who he could possibly be if he could no longer be the Witcher's anything. And it was working, being the Sandpiper. He was respected, not that he was looking for that, and looked up to. He was still Jaskier the talented lutist/lyricist, whom most of the crowd loved and adored. He still strikes a dashing figure, catching the eyes of women and men in the tavern, in the ship, and even a lovely bearded female dwarf of Yarpen's crew.

I already mentioned most of these characters in the review of the season and their disregard of him. The dock worker's opinion was unprompted. Yarpen threw an axe not between Geralt and Jaskier but to Jaskier's shirt specifically. Ignored and dismissed his introduction for a second time. Sure, maybe like the elves in "Toss a Coin" with "The Golden One" they felt pissed at the portrayal in song. Especially as Jaskier didn't necessarily do anything during the Dragon hunt compared to Yarpen and them.

But that puts in a dichotomy of sorts, with Jaskier's songs being popular and loved by the people, but not by anyone who's opinion that really matters to Jaskier. Again it's not recognizing that Jaskier is more than a one-hit wonder, is a pop star/rock star, yet not treated as anything with respect. Because he's not constituted with doing masculine work, like being a Witcher, being a Knight, being a band of bandits, or anything that would be considered more salt of the earth. Even Yarpen makes a comment on why they didn't stay being lords of the land. Never mind that Jaskier gave up his nobility at a young age and has been traveling on the Path with Geralt on and off for twenty years.

We get the waitress who's sick of the song and seemingly of him, giving him a dirty look when he drinks any of the discarded ale before meeting Yennefer. Of course the prison guard is purposely being annoyed by Jaskier.

Now, between the extreme hubris "Jaskier" writes of himself in Netflixpedia and of course his persona as Jaskier on the show whenever he sees someone pretty, it makes sense to knock him down a little. Even Geralt gets knocked down time again for his own hubris and refusal to learn and grow. But with Geralt, he's always seen on a level playing field. It nearly never is with Jaskier.

Jaskier who can slip into being the Sandpiper and help others, truly selflessly, is one of the only times he has respect and awe. The only one who truly gives him respect as himself is Yennefer. She's happy for him, that he hasn't changed so much to be unrecognizable to what she knew of him, and learns more about him in one evening than all their time together. All because the barrier of Geralt isn't there and they're both nursing their broken hearts. There's a kinship, and I'm glad it's not lost after Yennefer reconnects with Geralt, even to disastrous effect. She finally understands him and when she's without her chaos, she cares and respects and needs him.

She saves Jaskier not for any ulterior motive. Not to help her, or to get on Geralt's good side again, or anything. She takes her time in telling Geralt about Jaskier, and sort of plays down the fact he was tortured for a few hours. I think that's more her juggling with the decisions and and promise she made with baba yaga—I mean, Voleth Meir and her own conflicting feelings with Geralt. Her and Jaskier both tossed their hurt feelings aside to forgive and give into Geralt. And then with the battle at Kaer Morhen, Yennefer relies on Jaskier, believing that he's the best chance to get through to Geralt, that only Jaskier is still trustworthy enough. She accepts his kind touch after coming back from the other sphere and it's sweet and touching. She's the only one in all of season two to see Jaskier, to respect him, to care about him.

Geralt? Did worry about Jaskier when someone finally mentioned him. Did think of him first when Nenneke said he couldn't do this alone. Admitted he missed him and hugged him back. And.. he did try to apologize after [timey wimey travel time], and he trusted Jaskier with Ciri (along with Yarpen). He gave Jaskier a chance to bathe and rant without really pushing him around.

But again I must mention how the writing fails, with Geralt needing Jaskier's help and Yennefer just needing him. It comes to naught, as much as Jaskier tries to be good and useful. But he's only human and of the few GOOD humans in this show, the writers don't know what to do with that.

Geralt has respect, but not a lot for Jaskier. It's better here than in season one to a point. But Geralt has so much more on his mind so much other rightfully important things. He hasn't had time to mourn Eskel, his horse, or the other Witchers dying before and after Ciri's reveal. He barely allowed himself time to mourn when he thought Yennefer was dead. We just unfortunately did not get a lot of interaction between them because of other events that were more pressing. We can only make a lot of assumptions.

With Lambert's remark and Jaskier's final onscreen scene, there is no other context to see if this is just regular joking or the other Witchers seeing Jaskier as less than. This is why it was frustrating that Jaskier is not mentioned for three whole episodes. No one asks about Geralt's Bard, or mentions the new songs going around since before the fall of Cintra. Everything points to Jaskier never been brought up to Geralt's family in the last twenty years. This could have easily been fixed with a single line or two from any of the Witchers, the way that the line of Jaskier knowing of Yennefer's heritage spoke volumes.

Now, granted, in a time of war and politics, everyone's being used as pawns and being seen as useful, threats, or disposable. Dijikstra only sees a pawn of a bard, an investment he put in so he can be used in the future. But aside from Jaskier, every other human who's moving pieces around who seems to be of importance, are kings and queens and of politics. We don't see other human rebels trying to fight the good fight. But understandably so, in this story, in this series they are the bad guys. In most fantasies, it's the case, with maybe a group of plucky young heroes being the exception.

Now, maybe it's the long con, the long game, the hints in interviews that Jaskier will be thrusted into importance in the 3rd (and future??) seasons. We know now he'll be the narrator for the prequel series, but again playing the dumb human who has to be corrected about what really happened. (I'm hoping we won't have Jaskier human!splaining for comedic effect, but... we'll see.) We have the spying come up, and hopefully more political intrigue. This is what I thought would happened this season when we had gotten the season two trailer and Geralt needing Jaskier's help. It's what made sense to me, to navigate the courts.

This could all be buildup for parallels that were set up here for season 03. One can truly hope, but I'm not holding my breath.

We have two seasons of Jaskier being disrespected left and right, having his best friend throw him away when angry and only seek him when he's needed. He doesn't have the respect from others as he should, to the point where he makes it up on his own in his hubris and ego and in the logs of Netflixpedia. When it really matters, Jaskier is always putting others first, always putting himself in harms way to help others. And he swallows his feelings down, transforming them into songs that people listen, and enjoy, but never truly understand.

He's a human, through and through. He is both cowardly and fearless, brilliant and childish, compassionate and ambitious. And the show keeps punishing him for it, for not being more. Yet that's the brilliance of him. Of this single human having shifted destiny so many times, all for the love (platonic or otherwise) of one misunderstood Witcher.

Jaskier, Bi Fodder

I thought this section would be majority of this post, haha. But I've explained a lot of my thoughts on this through the other parts. I apologize for my rambling. While TVTropes isn't the definitive of what is a consensus on media and representation, it does support a lot of what's been written here. Like with any canon or perceived bisexual guys, they tend to have both "Ambiguously Bi" tag and "Camp Straight". Short of us seeing Jaskier with another man, or him straight out saying it, everyone can still explain away that Geralt and him are just brothers, just friends, that the heartbreak was borne of friendship shattered. He flirts only with women on screen, we only hear of his escapades with married women and running from straight men.

And yet, here we are. We know he was heartbroken, he said it. He and Yennefer can sympathize together. In his singing scene, a few of the male patrons look at him with something a little more interesting, and so does one of the male elves. The way he looks at Geralt in this season speaks volumes. Joey's alluded in interviews on how he was surprised and happy that the script took his character into new and dark and surprising situations, to be bold.

"As many of you will know, the story of Geralt and Yennefer's rocky romance is chronicled in 'Her Sweet Kiss, one of Jaskier 's most famous ballads..."

— From Netflixpedia

Yet TVTropes and fandom saw this song as a bit queer, as Jaskier looking in and longing. It was teased and joked in Twitter after what we lovingly call "Burn, Butcher, Burn" that of course "Her Sweet Kiss" wasn't obvious enough in heartbreak so they had to make it more obvious with the break up song of the century.

But what really cinched it for me with the show trying to tell us *wink wink nudge nudge* that Jaskier is more than he seems? The quote above. When he talks about why he's helping the elves.

"First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."

— Martin Niemöller

It was a parallel to this famous poem. Combined with the fact that if one had studied American/Western Media in the 50s through the 80s with regard to LGBTQIA, artists were considered Queer. Majority of the blacklisting that happened wasn't just to do with communism, but anti-Semitism, homophobia, and other prejudices. One had to look between the lines, to see the subtext here. This is both overt and sub text going on.

It was Jaskier alluding that he was other for many reasons, and not just for being a "humble bard" considering we've been shown time again that they're not respected. So where would the fear come into play? Unless he was doing or saying something revolutionary. And this was before he became the Sandpiper. The way he hesitates, pauses, looks at Yennefer... Jaskier is the sort of person that talks all the time and says everything in his mind but not nearly everything in his heart. It's fantastic deflection that's hidden in the expectations of what a bard should be. But here, he's very careful with his words, with not saying too much.

When speaking of hubris this time, I'm pointing at the head writer and others in that team. They think they're so clever, being ambiguous in interviews and social media (and I know, part of it is you have to, you just can't spoil an upcoming season, duh, or promise something that hasn't been written or approved of). There's a lot of "pat on back" moments in the season, not to just Jaskier but others where they think they've done something different and new.

But the fantasy adventure bar is so goddamn low, especially in TV and Movies. Especially when it comes to any sort of MEANINGFUL representation. Wheel of Time did queerness real well, but failed in other marginalized representations. Witcher? Maybe because its origin is Poland, where real people are fighting for their lives to just be queer freely. I'm not saying the author is phobic, but he is very cisgendered straight, and it shows. We have fantasy homophobia, because it always parallels what we perceive history to be (even though history didn't have the right words for this discourse, and in some places were more queer friendly back then than we are now).

Why can't we have fantasy stories where queerness is normalized? It's still treated as something explicitly sexual and weird. We only see it in Yennefer's orgy scene (which was made fun of for such poor choreography), just to show that Yennefer is a "worldly" woman. All the sex workers that came up to Kaer Morhen were visibly women (and presumably cis, but easily could be otherwise).

We can argue what Fringilla and Francesca had as possibly queer too. It was lovely to see their friendship grow and how they helped each other. It's probably the only other sort of representation we can conceivably grasp for in the show.

So yes, I do believe they're setting up Jaskier to be bi/queer. Maybe it wasn't something he even realized till later in life, or something he always hid. One could argue that in the book's version of events of him running from his family cause he messed with the wrong noble, it could've been a male one. They may leave it continually ambiguous. We'll never get Geralt as anything but straight, especially as Henry keeps on insisting that all he wants is the show to be as close/true to the books as possible. While this would bode well for a more friendly happy companionship with his character and Jaskier, it's a continual insistence that the only true love for Geralt is Yennefer. I don't seem him as one of the actors who would be comfortable with anything but straight roles. Mind, again, I don't watch every single interview of this show or of the actors in others. I am a geek and a general fan of Henry, but it's not something I look to often.

And, if the best we can get out of this is a queer platonic relationship, fantastic. But as I've harped on throughout all of this... We need a healthy one. We need Geralt to acknowledge the pain he caused, for Jaskier to admit to that pain to him, to get them to an understanding, one that is full of love and hope and friendship and family and importantly, respect.

I don't know if the solution is to keep him forever pining (please no Supernatural ending here), or to create a new character (or gender swap one we haven't seen yet) for him to have a happy queer relationship. I've always hated "pair the spare" last minute kind of endings we get when a series comes to a close. I think, we just need more of him with the others in meaningful situations. Not empty ones that lead to no where (the jasper, the following possessed!Ciri) but ones of his choice and of others too.

We should be beyond the token bi/queer, the little scraps and hints and that is all we can get from these big shows. Granted, the best option is to have queer media be adapted and created from the get-go. But we should get that and get rep in the popular shows too.

Jaskier is a wonderfully complex character in all versions of him. I just wished the Netflix creators could see that.

“The richness, beauty and depths of love can only be fully experienced in a climate of complete openness, honesty and vulnerability.” – Anthony Venn Brown

Sources Used: Witcher Game Fandom Page - Jaskier & Various Witcher Netflix Site (Media Heavy) Witcher Jaskier TVTropes Page Wikipedia - "First they came..." Various Official Youtube & Tumblr Interviews with Joey & Lauren & Henry

#jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #the witcher #the witcher netflix #geraskier #analysis #character study #media representation #lgbt #my post #tv shows #netflix #review #geralt of rivia #yennefer of vengerberg #witcher season 2 #Witcher season 1 #queer platonic relationship #i hope this makes sense #this took two weeks to write #hopefully i didn't forget anything #my inbox is open #memories of queue

[theirlovewasreal]

#TheirLoveWasReal Challenge, Day Zero: Carry On

"You know, with Chuck not writing our story anymore, we get to write our own...going wherever the story takes us. Just us. Finally, free."

--Supernatural, 15x19 "Inherit the Earth"

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Carry On Playlist on Spotify

American Pie (Don McLean)

Carry On (fun.)

Heroes (David Bowie)

You're My Best Friend (Queen)

Make Them Gold (CHVRCHES)

Come Back Around (Dirty Heads)

Nothing Else Matters (Metallica)

Ramble On (Led Zeppelin)

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What happens when the villain is gone and the hero can go home again? How does the day rise and set? How is a life lived, or several lives? Here, and elsewhere. There are stories there still, perhaps and infinity of them.

--------

Share with us your works about all things Saileen and Destiel in a post-Chuck world. All formats are welcome, so long as they are set in the canon SPN universe -- compliant, divergent, and fix-its are all fair game.

Tumblr: use the the tag #TheirLoveWasReal & tag this blog, so we can make sure that we see your post and boost it. 

AO3: use the the tag #TheirLoveWasReal & add your work to our collection.

Submission dates: Feb 13th, Feb 21st-27th

**Finally, be sure to check out and share the SPLC fundraiser.**

#destiel #saileen #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #eileen leahy #supernatural #spn #TheirLoveWasReal #day zero: carry on #SPNfamily #prompts

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

MY KHUXDRML TUMBLR TAGS MASTERLIST

Notes: Tumblr is a big dumdum when it comes to tags and formatting, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t work that well. Shoot me an ask if you’re having trouble looking for anything in particular and I’ll try to find it for you!

GENERAL TAGS

my posts - Almost every post I’ve made; encapsulates a majority of the posts found in tags below. Includes both khux and non-khux stuff. Will update if I ever create a specific khux posts tag.

my art - Like above, includes both khuxdrml (mostly khux) and non-khuxdrml stuff

my fics - Posts that include my fics + info and sporadic posts about them. Alternatively, you could go straight to AO3. I’m very proud of these, thanks in advance if you decide to read anything! And feel free to ask me questions and stuff!

kh fics - Other people’s fics. Great stuff in there~

kh aus - (from the entire series)

my headcanons - Lots of juicy stuff that live rent free inside my brain at all times

shitposts - Every meme, joke or just plain weird thing I’ve said. This is a fun one to look through!

key kids - Stuff that has people’s key kids (not my own) in them

Roadie the key kid - Stuff of my own key kid, Roadie

khux liveblogging - All the stuff I’ve said while playing khux! I dropped out at some point in Wreck-It Ralph’s climax before picking it up again just before the shut down, but you can see a lot of stuff all the way back from the app’s global release date in 2015!!

khux jp - Raw reactions to unofficially translated cutscenes

khdr liveblogging - same deal as khux except I gave up physically playing it once the hiatus hit lol (I watched the cutscenes)

khml liveblogging - where are you bestie 🥲

business in the back cover - My liveblog of Back Cover

SPECIFIC POSTS

my Ephemera character analysis essay

Overmorrow (spoilers!) - The tag for my magnum opus, an Ephemera-centric khux and khml interquel fic/larger project! (Alternatively, you can go straight to my Dropbox folder to avoid getting spoiled :))

chi infodumps - Various posts where I just ramble on about something from the chi saga, mostly food for thought. [in the process of digging to add more older posts to this!]

kh tumblr - KH + Tumblr posts

ranking best to best - Ranking images/appearances of characters, from best to best

khux inspired asks - A list of asks you can ask your buddies inspired by khux things/characters

veterans discount chi saga edition

aisno - “astra inclinant, sed non obligant”, my series of brainplayer / plain comics

CHARACTER TAGS

Notes: Aside from Ephemera’s tag, all of these are kind of inconsistent, so apologies in advance.

timeless child - Ephemera

timeless nort - Ephemera but uhhh having a Bad Time

timeless familia - Ephemera’s canon family :D (sometimes non-canon/speculative stuff may be mixed in here)

the ophiuchus family tree - Ephemera’s family but the version where I make everything up and have lots of fun with it

the destiny weaver - Skuld

khx player - A very inconsistent tag that mostly includes my own drawings/interpretations of the character that is “the Player”

khml player - Player2’s tag. I’m trying to do better with them :)

sweet wind child - Ven

knight in gothic armour - Blaine / Brain

girl of paradise - Strelitzia

the pink pursuer - Lauriam

larxene 2 electric boogaloo - Elrena

chibi chi sibs - Lauriam and Strelitzia (and Elrena too when we thought she could’ve been the sibling)

dandy kids - Union Leaders as a group

fearsome fam - Foretellers and Luxu and MoM

sewer squad - The group of friendly npcs you venture around with for a while

they walk a lonely road - All the characters in Dark Road

SHIP TAGS

Notes:

I enjoy multishipping. I don’t condone any kind of ship hate. You are not obligated to look through any of these if you do not want to.

Yes I know things can be interpreted as platonic (and some of these posts are indeed platonic but I just tag them all the same regardless of the specifics of the relationship), I’m just here for a good time.

I love the ship names I came up with. Does that mean they’re good ship names? Not necessarily 😅

This is not a comprehensive list of all the ships I ship. Please shoot an ask if you have any questions :)

skulmera - Skuld/Ephemera (aka epheskul)

ephelayer - Ephemera/Player

skulayer - Skuld/Player

skulmerayer - Skuld/Ephemera/Player my pride and joy ❤️

blauriam - Blaine/Lauriam

strelaine - Blaine/Strelitzia

plitzia - Strelitzia/Player

ephelauri - Ephemera/Lauriam

epheven - Ephemera/Ven

ephelaine - Ephemera/Blaine (aka braineph - Ephemera/Brain)

ephelaurain - Ephemera/Blaine/Lauriam

brainplayer - Brain/Player(2) (aka plain)

xehaqus - Xehanort/Eraqus

xehabaldr - Xehanort/Baldr

urdvala - Urd/Vala

hovidar - Hoder/Vidar

gulava - Gula/Ava

iraced - Ira/Aced

invira - Invi/Ira

avavi - Ava/Invi

friendly attitude - White-haired male npc/Green-haired male npc

skandra - Silver-haired female npc (Skati)/Curly-haired female npc (Leandra)

#roadie rambles #my posts #khux tags masterlist #khux #khdr #khml #hey y’all!!! I wanted to make this for convenience purposes #if there are any tags (especially under specific posts) related to khux that you want me to add pls let me know!

[parvuls]

fic: in the space between (2/2)

word count: 6.6k

rating: teen

tags: space, science fiction, enemies to friends to lovers, pre-relationship

notes: due to length and tumblr's formatting, reading on ao3 is recommended

(part 1 | part 2 | read on ao3)

-

    “Just a month till we’re home, boys,” Holster announces as he climbs into the bottom bunk across from Eric, addressing the dark room at large. Eric can hear him shift around in his bed, sheets rustling with his movements. “Can I get a hallelujah?”

“You can get pizza,” Ransom replies dreamily from the top bunk above him. “Because Holtzy -- The Real fucking Pep God. You and me, Matty Matheson pepperoni. One month.”

There’s one month left until landing back in Houston and disbanding for three weeks of leave. It’s been creeping up in conversations for weeks now, nestling itself in crew breakfasts and mission briefs and downtime. Shitty waxes poetry about things like dipping his toes into the ocean and breathing that sweet Terra air as often as he talks about smoking three joints at once the moment they set foot on the ground. Holster and Ransom talk about the heaps of food they’ll be shoveling to compensate for a year of outer space cuisine. Jack doesn’t talk about much other than the missions, and Eric thinks about organic chemistry and molecular modeling on good days, thinks about crying on bad ones. He talks about almost anything else to distract himself and hopes to Jesus that no one can tell.

The picture frame on the shelf by his bunk wobbles on its back stand as the ship tips into Krer orbit for the night. Krer itself is dim and murky, obscuring the shining lights of its neighboring planets and cloaking the crew quarters’ portal window in darkness. Jack said that the last mission of this tour should be coming in from Flight Director Hall sometime during the night.

Eric sighs quietly, turns onto his side, and stares blindly at the blank white of the wall as he mentally runs through the primary structure of proteins once more. Holster and Ransom are arguing about the best Toronto pizza in the background, the sound of their voices weaving in with the beeps of the ship’s machinery and the creaking noises of it when in motion.

“You gotta come too, Bittle,” Holster says, drawing Eric’s attention. He rolls his head to the other side, watches Holster’s blurred figure move in the dark to lean over the edge of his bunk. Eric must’ve missed a change of conversation. “Getting together over leave? We spend the last day before launch together, all of us. Y’know, hitting some bar, maybe watching a game, then catching the plane to Texas in the morning. Last time we went to Shitty’s -- man, that was fucking wild sauce.”

“And you gotta meet Lardo,” Ransom adds. “Crew bylaws. Sorry, rookie, everyone’s in.”

There are ten densely-printed pages about prokaryotes crumpled in the back of Eric’s personal locker, that he’s riffled through maybe twice. Eric chews his lip raw, tries to think of a carefully-masqueraded way of brushing the invitation off, but Holster grumbles lowly before he can. “Well, not everyone.”

“Right,” Ransom says, his enthusiastic tone turning slightly hesitant. “But. Us and Shitty and Lardo and probably her trainee Ford. It’s almost everyone.”

It’s almost everyone, plus ground team. “But not Jack,” Eric concludes, unintentionally dismayed. He should know better by now than to be disappointed, probably. He should, but doesn’t.

Holster sighs and throws himself back onto the mattress, bed springs groaning loudly. “Jack doesn’t really do social things. He’s too cool for them. Which -- whatever, man, who cares, it’s probably more fun for us that way. So you in?”

What Eric’s in for is a world of trouble. Eric’s in for the sweltering heat of the Texan desert, he’s in for submerging in textbooks all the way up to his ears, he’s in for never being quite enough for this world. He turns his head back to the other side, facing the wall, and stifles a sigh.

“I’ll think about it,” he promises, and knows that he will, also knows he’d never be able to say yes. He doesn’t leave them enough time to round up on him before he adds, “Now shut your pieholes, gentlemen, some people need their beauty sleep. And by some people I do mean y’all.”

“Really, he means you,” Ransom tells Holster, and there’s the distinct sound of Holster reaching up and whacking the top bunk with a pillow. Eric buries his face in his sheets and tries to think distracting thoughts loudly enough to drown out the constant screeching noise of his worries. That, at least, is something he’s an expert at.

.

Eric wishes he could say that he spent his entire life looking up to the stars. That would be a lie.

He spent most of his childhood looking at the ground, instead. At the toe picks beneath his feet; at the dough rising in the oven; at the floor of his school’s hallways, trying to avoid eye contact. The sky in Georgia was ordinarily clear, stars blinking in and out of view, but they’d never held much of Eric’s interest. He wouldn’t have known what to search for even if he’d tried.

Eric, aged eighteen, went to college mostly for the going and less for college. New England was as much an escape as it was a destination. He liked some of his classes, didn’t like others -- remained undeclared for most of junior year, bouncing around between classes about food and culture. He put off doing his work for too long and preferred baking to writing essays too often, but it was fine, most of the time. His days were filled with more people than papers and he found that it was exactly the way he liked it.

College was the point Eric realized that, once he’d stopped being too afraid to try, he was really good with people.

“You could charm mountains into moving for you,” his sophomore year roommate told him, not without a hint of exasperation, when Eric fretted about meeting his first boyfriend’s parents. “Literally everybody likes you.” 

And Eric laughed nervously, said, “Come on now, that is certainly not true,” because he couldn’t charm thirteen year old bullies out of forcing him across the state, couldn’t make small-town Georgia like him for who he really was. Those seemed a lot like immovable mountains to him.

But people flocked to his vlog, kept telling him he was so charismatic, and his hockey team kept turning to him for advice with their problems, and in November of junior year he reviewed his credits, expecting to see every food class his college had to offer, but found Populism and Norms and Deviance and Inequality and Social Change, instead.

He got his B.A. Got his master’s, too, not particularly fond of academia but not too keen on leaving the shelter it provided, either. He accepted an offer to work as a consultant for a big company right after grad school, spent a year expertly tailoring trade relations and marketing techniques to partners and customers from foreign cultures. He understood people, liked people, and people, apparently, liked him. It wasn’t the job of his dreams but it was a decent start, and once the one year mark came and went he began considering PR work, maybe putting his people skills to a smaller-scale use. He was twenty-five and definitely not unhappy and his eyes were, always, firmly on the ground.

And then -- well. Then, one day, NASA called.

.

Jack gathers the four of them outside the flight deck to inform them that their crew has been tasked with the last Human-Islik Intergalactic Treaty info exchange of the quarter, in time for the summit meeting at the end of August. He tells them Flight Director Hall is counting on them, tells them to wear clean suits, and when Holster and Ransom begin chanting last mission, last mission, last mission, he sternly reminds them that being assigned to the Treaty IE is an honor. Still, when they all scatter and the two of them practically skip down the bridge, Eric thinks he sees the corners of Jack’s mouth twitch.

The mission takes four days, requires a series of security checks before entering each room and short transmissions to Houston for green lights at every step. Islikaru has the largest concentration of humans outside of Earth, but protocol must be followed nevertheless. Eric shakes hands, shakes paws, shakes tentacles, makes pleasant small talk and smiles brightly and lets Ransom ramble about science and Jack deal with bureaucracy. It feels at last like a familiar dance, and Eric tries not to think about how much he doesn’t ever want to stop dancing.

By dusk of the fourth day Shitty convinces Jack to wrap it up at a local eatery, the crew crowded around a small table in a pressurized O2 pod with their helmets thrown on the seats by their thighs. Eric finds himself squeezed between Jack on one side and Shitty on the other, a cool syrupy drink emitting translucent wisps of steam in his hand. Holster orders for all of them in rusty Isli that may or may not actually result in food, but they’re all just too jubilant to care.

“Alright boys,” Shitty hollers, banging his coaster on the table several times for effect. The glass containers holding all of their drinks jiggle with its force, creating a cheerful ringing sound. “A toast to this fucking beaut of a year. Being stuck in a cramped metal case floating in nothing for three hundred sixty-five days has been a great pleasure with your rockin’ bods for company. Fucking cheers!”

Ransom whoops, Shitty pretends to wipe a tear, Holster belts out the chorus of Cheers’ theme song passionately. Eric watches them, helplessly indulgent, and thinks: he’s actually making a home here. 

On his other side, Jack shoves one of the food baskets towards Eric with his knuckles and says, “You should try the octo-bacon, if you haven’t.” His eyes meet Eric’s for a brief moment, make Eric’s lungs expand in his chest. He can’t remember the last time Jack spoke to him for no good reason. 

Jack’s face is uniquely relaxed, his jaw convulsing as he fruitlessly tries not to laugh at something Shitty says, and Eric’s former thought continues, completely unbidden: gracious, I’m going to miss these boys so much. Their bickering and their worst habits and their dumbest moments. Holster’s booming voice, Ransom’s midnight thesis writing, Shitty’s insistence on nudity, Jack’s continual ability to confuse him. 

“Holy shit, man,” Ransom says, slamming his emptied drink onto the table and staring at its last drops in awe. “What the fuck is this shit. I need another one ASAP.”

“Not it!” Holster calls, and then stretches his arm across the table, fingertip of his index finger pointed mere inches from Jack’s face. “But I just know our commander would love to buy his best crew another round. Right, Zimmermann?”

“You’re my only crew, Birkholtz,” Jack rolls his eyes, mostly good-natured. Holster’s wiggling finger and Shitty’s foot kicking at his shin beneath the table must goad him into action anyway, because he puts his helmet back on, disappears out of the pod and towards the service counter without further protest. 

While Eric watches him go, Shitty slides closer in the booth and flings his arm around Eric, tugs him right into the crook of Shitty’s body. 

“This is it, Bittle,” he sighs, eyes closing dramatically. “Once this tour ends, you will no longer hold the title of rookie. Finally, you will graduate to the same titles everybody else gets -- mainly bro, or fucker, or, if I’m spectacularly schwasted, yo, what’syourname. This is a monumental day for all. You might even get a nickname. Are you appropriately emotional?”

Eric is emotional about many things. He can't stop thinking about this crew and what they've come to mean to him, can't stop hating keeping secrets, can't stop dreading the moment they cross back into Earth. Eric is emotional about the possibility of seeing his mama again, and what it'll mean if he does; Eric is emotional about life in general, right now, so he says, “Sure thing, Shitty,” and shoves a ring of octo-bacon into his mouth. It seems, for lack of a better option, like the smartest response.

From above Ransom’s head, Eric spots Jack reappearing just beyond the glassy walls of the pod, carrying a tray with four containers between both hands. He then keeps watching, helpless and open-mouthed, as another astronaut rises from a nearby booth and slams into Jack shoulder-first, tipping the entire tray sideways and nearly knocking its contents over and to the floor.

“Oh shit, sorry mate!” the man exclaims, immediately reaching out to catch Jack’s hands and help stable the tray. His Australian accent is thick, the ASA pin decorating the shoulder that knocked into Jack glinting under artificial lights. The two of them grab the tray with three hands, containers sliding back into place still intact, before the man’s eyes flick up and catch on Jack’s face. He then jerks back, his eyes widening and his hands yanked away from Jack like he’s afraid to catch on fire. “Fuck, Zimmermann! I didn’t see it was you! Fuck my life, uh -- here, I’ll pay for the drinks --”

Eric watches, crestfallen, as Jack’s previously relaxed expression gradually darkens back into his usual scowl, lips disappearing between his teeth. “It’s fine, don’t --”

The other astronaut shakes his head vehemently, shoving his gloved hand into his utility pocket and fishing out some local coins that he then throws onto the tray haphazardly.

“Fuck no, mate, I’m not taking risks with you,” he hurries backwards, flat palms raised up, like he’s under some kind of threat Eric can’t read in Jack’s distressed body language. “For real, it was an accident, don’t get your dad to kick me off the program, yeah?”

The man backs off, scurrying back to his pod and to his whispering crewmates. Jack remains standing, shoulders rigid and tray held in clenched white knuckles, vacant stare fixed on the floor. Eric glances away from Jack for the first time since he saw him approach and notices that his whole table is silent and tense. He catches Shitty’s furrowed eyebrows and Ransom’s worried look, and becomes slowly conscious of the fact that unlike him, everybody else already know what just went on in front of them. 

Jack’s mood seems to fracture, then. He steps through the pod’s sliding sealing and sets the tray down on the table too forcibly, glass containers knocking together. He doesn’t sit back down. Shitty parts his mouth to say something, but Jack latches his helmet closed before he can, muttering, “I’m done for tonight. I’ll see you guys back on the ship.” 

His face is almost blank, valiantly trying for imperviousness, but Eric has never seen him look so decidedly miserable before. Instinctively, he reaches out to grab Jack’s wrist; he doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what just happened, but he does know that Jack shouldn’t leave like that. He manages to stammer out, “...Jack --” before Jack tears his hand away from Eric’s grip with the same excessive aggression that rattled the drinks, and says curtly, “Excuse me.”

Eric stares at his back stalking off until he's entirely out of view, feels unjustly hurt and primarily very confused.

.

Jack Zimmermann is --

Jack Zimmermann is one of NASA’s Arctic Project’s best pilots and ship commanders, Eric learned his first year in the program. He’s exceptionally committed to his job, loyal to his crew, unwaveringly focused on the mission. He’s direct, sometimes brutally so. He’s good at following orders, makes tough decisions under pressure, and never takes the opportunity to rub elbows with the higher ups. He just loves what he does, and does it notably well.

The name and the legend is a lot to live up to, but when Eric met Jack he realized that the man is exactly as he’s advertised. Jack, in the role of Jack Zimmermann, is straightforwardly that: an amazing astronaut, an amazing ship commander, an amazing pilot.

It’s unfortunate, then, that Jack in the role of a human being is sometimes an enormous asshole.

.

The ship’s lights are all off when the boys straggle themselves back on board later in the evening, their boots dragging sluggishly against gravity. When Jack left, the celebratory mood followed his footsteps out the door; no one seemed the least bit inclined to talk about it, so Eric didn’t ask. Though the four of them did their best to recover, cracking halfhearted jokes and staying for another couple of rounds, even Shitty’s mustache seems to droop lower than normal by the time they finally find their way back to the ship. 

Shitty passes airlock and walks straight towards the pilots’ quarters without saying a thing, so Eric wordlessly follows Holster and Ransom into their own quarters, brow still creased with puzzlement. He watches as Holster starts stripping by the door and Ransom sits down on the bottom bunk to take off his gear, and waits, and waits, until the silence is just too strange to handle.

“Alright, can anyone tell me what in the deep-fried hell was that?”

Holster glowers, rips off his support strap with gusto. He doesn’t answer, so Eric turns his frown at Ransom, who sighs as he removes the tough overshoe off his boots. “Ignore him, Bittle. Jack just gets real bitchy when people mention his dad. Which happens pretty often because, you now, his dad.”

“His dad…?” Eric prompts, desperate, because it seems like he should know something that he doesn’t. It’s not in the least a foreign feeling these days, when concerning space and science and always, always Jack.

Ransom looks up at him, one boot dangling from his left hand. “Yeah, you know, his dad. It’s a lot of pressure, living up to that. It’s probably most of why Jack is how Jack is.”

Eric doesn’t believe daddy issues are any excuse to be so surly, and he thinks, rather bitterly, that he would know something about the matter. But he pushes, still, because it’s always one step forward and three steps back with Jack, and any scrap of information making his commander seem a little more human could go a long way right now. Or even not human; Lord knows Eric can figure out nonhums just fine. “What does he have to live up to?”

Holster pauses peeling off the suit’s hard upper torso to squint incredulously at Eric. The lower torso assembly of the suit pools around his thighs. “You don’t know who Mad Bob is?”

“Uh,” Eric deflates, taking a tentative step back, the crown of his head hitting the frame of the top bunk. The tone of conversation begins to sound a lot like the time he disclosed that he doesn’t really know the periodic table or has, at any point of time, known it at all. “No. I don’t.”

Ransom throws his other boot to the side and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees and face contorting into an expression that closely mirrors Holster’s; surprised, scandalized, disbelieving. “He’s like -- Mad Bob. He was the first commander in the original Avalanche Project. He was the first pilot to leave the Solar System and come back alive?” 

“They say he was the first to meet extraterrestrial life!” Holster gestures grandly with his hand, yanking off the EV glove to have free use of the other hand as well. 

“That’s actually not true,” Ransom clarifies, “No nonhum races were recorded until almost a decade later --”

“Not the point, dude,” Holster waves him off. “The point is, Mad Bob is a legend. His ship nearly burned on the way back to Earth and he totally saved everyone on board. Made the first round trip, you know? He’s a big fucking deal. Can’t believe you’ve never heard of him.”

Eric blanches, digs his nails into his skin to hold his instinctual reaction at bay. Eric spent the first twenty-five years of his life with his feet planted firmly on the ground, his eyes never straying upwards. Later, Eric spent every moment of his time at Houston scrambling to prove his worth in an environment so wholly alien to him that the irony in the metaphor was no longer funny. Eric wouldn’t be able to tell Neil Armstrong from Adam, just like Eric can never really remember the difference between Newton’s and Einstein's theories, doesn't know the primary structure of proteins even now. Eric doesn’t belong here, and he’s quickly running out of time to pretend like he does.

“Oh,” he says finally, weakly. Holster and Ransom haven’t looked away from him yet, so he averts his eyes, turns to face his bunk. “Must’ve just missed it somehow.”

He can almost hear Holster and Ransom hem and haw for a few long, silent moments, before the sound of nylon rustling resumes. Eric takes a deep breath, and does his very best not to regret ever asking. It’s made worse by the fact that this hasn't really helped him understand Jack any better than before.

.

So Jack had spent most of Eric’s first few months on the ship treating Eric like an inconvenience. That was okay -- it hadn’t been the first time he’d been perceived like that, and it wouldn’t be the last. He hadn’t been a fresh-faced teenager from the South in a long while; he’d been older, tougher. He’d been places and had met people, nicer people and smarter people and even meaner people than Jack Zimmermann. He hadn’t really needed a pat on the shoulder or an encouraging smile, just the opportunity to do his job, and do it well.

The real problem was that Eric had always been good at his job because he understood people. And Eric, despite his best begrudging efforts, cannot make sense of Jack.

Jack, who clearly had not understood Eric’s job at all until, suddenly and out of nowhere, there was Evor. Jack who, after Evor, told Eric good work and sounded like maybe he even meant it. Jack who, after Evor, was sat by Eric when Lardo radioed to tell them that Jack’s report had made the deputy administrator call to congratulate Eric specifically. 

Jack who, also after Evor, stopped meeting Eric’s eyes unless absolutely necessary. Jack, who Eric sometimes caught staring from the corner of his eye, looking lost in thoughts. Jack, who roughhoused with Shitty in the flight deck, and arranged Holster a private DSN connection for his mom’s birthday, and listened to Charlie Rich on late night piloting shifts -- but whose glimpses of personality disappeared the moment Eric tried to study them for too long.

Missions transformed into something different in the aftermath of Evor. A month after the crew’s return to action they were sent to do testing on the magnetic field of Pladora, and Jack put Eric in charge of communication with the local scientists without preambles. Eric choked, floundered, but grabbed the opportunity with both hands; he still couldn’t shake the weight of Jack’s gaze on his shoulders whenever he spoke with the Pladoran team.

Later, Jack pulled him aside and asked, “Are you capable of confidently explaining to me the exact kind of testing we’re doing here?”, stared at Eric until he was fidgeting uncomfortably in place. “It’s important that you can do that,” he added, like Eric didn’t already know, like Eric didn’t think about it every night before he fell asleep, like he needed Jack’s eyes on him for that, making the nape of his neck burn and his palms tingle with sweat. But Jack frowned at him, then, took a step back, like he didn’t understand why Eric was flushed with embarrassment. It almost seemed for a moment like he wasn’t actively gunning for humiliation.

And then it happened again. Two weeks after that they were helping ESA fix a satellite on a German space station, and Jack left Eric to discuss mission parameters unattended, but also ordered him to watch Shitty install a new GPS chip for three hours. During the strategy session for a recon mission in the Austra System, Jack insisted on hearing Eric’s opinion, but also accosted him after it to demand that Eric read about the complication with the wavelength disturbance. In a charged encounter with destitute merchants from a dead galaxy, Jack remained two steps behind Eric’s right shoulder and let him conciliate them, but when Eric later babbled about the civil turmoil caused by the demise of the galaxy, Jack asserted that he should understand the astrophysical process leading to such death.

So Eric generously thought: maybe Jack was trying, poorly. But three months after Evor the two of them returned to the ship frazzled and peeved, had spent most of the day wrangling with diplomats on Uzeru, and Eric scrubbed a hand over his face, resolved to try one more time. He offered Jack a friendly, tired smile, and said, “Wanna share bad coffee in the kitchen to drown our sorrows?”, but Jack only shook his head once, sharply, before immediately walking away.

The inability to make any sense of it consumes Eric's thoughts for much longer than he's comfortable with. Jack pushes and then pulls, hovers over Eric professionally but disappears the moment it’s interpersonal. A week before they're off for leave Eric looks up from his plate to see Jack taking his dinner into the flight deck, ignoring Shitty’s offer to join him, and thinks that maybe he can never peek past Jack's mask because Jack makes sure to turn away whenever it comes off. He thinks that maybe this is what loneliness looks like, thinks that he should still know better than to care, thinks for the first time that maybe Jack’s silent treatment is nothing more than not knowing what to say to Eric after Evor. Thinks that maybe Jack’s inept solution to not knowing what to say is to just say nothing at all.

.

The impact crater chipping Vylos’ surface is visible from two-hundred thousand miles out. It’s the nearest planet to the jumping point back to Earth, and its crater serves as a parking lot for all ships on their way to or from there. Its chaotic layout strongly reminds Eric of the QuikTrip station just north of Atlanta, but he bites his tongue and keeps that to himself. Jack and Shitty have probably never seen a QuikTrip, anyway.

Jack grumbles about finding a parking space on the night before leave, body curved over the control wheel and eyes squinted at the windowpane. Shitty leaves him to it, drapes his legs sideways on his armrest to tell Eric about the long claws of capitalism stretching into the cosmos, and how this has resulted in Vylosian beer being the best there is this side of the Milky Way, “Even though it’s like, totally not a real beer, dude, but -- marketing ploy!”, and how its atmosphere was chemically engineered, “To be breathable for all us Earthly suckers passing by ‘cause of the jump point. Filthy fucking marketing plot, I tell ya -- and the beer costs like my goddamn kidney.”

“Your goddamn kidney’s not worth much with the amount of Vylosian beer you regularly consume,” Jack interjects, lowering the ship into a vacant spot skillfully. Vylos’ terrain, reflected at Eric from the three surrounding windows in the flight deck, is grainy and blue.

The Vylosian bar Shitty buoyantly pushes them into is decorated in mismatched memorabilia, posters of Uma Thurman and Justin Bieber and a life-size stormtrooper suit personally signed by George Lucas looming by the wall. The AI pouring the drinks is a hologram in the shape of a Western saloon bartender, the beer is thick and neon green. Eric’s been outside the Kármán line for nearly a year and feels caught by surprise, still, almost daily; but tonight he gets to wear denim shorts instead of nylon spacesuits, gets to clink his glass against Ransom’s, gets to pretend that tomorrow isn’t possibly the end of it all. It has to be enough, he thinks, and takes a determined drink.

Their group starts out leaning against the wooden countertop, skin sticking to its surface. Later, Holster and Ransom chat their way into the table of two local girls, and Jack disappears from view. Eventually, their group winds up scattered across different corners of the bar, red-faced and loose. Eric catches himself repeatedly looking up from the bottom of his glass to the open door, at the pale glint of the sky just outside it, and after a thorough sweep around he takes his drink, gets up, and starts walking.

.

The bar overlooks the vast expanses of the crater sprawling beneath it, and Eric finds himself sitting outside at the edge of the cliff, thighs bare over the rough azure dirt and beer glass tilting in his hand. Vylos’ three moons are out of sync, rising and peaking and setting in a simultaneous cycle, and Eric is busy watching them when he hears heavy footsteps coming up behind him.

He’s surprised to find Jack standing there, suspended in motion with his hands deep in his pockets and his hair windswept, figure backlit by the lights of the bar twinkling behind him. He seems just as startled to see Eric; his expression wavers out of its usual stoic façade to betray some semblance of emoting.

“Oh, Bittle, I -- I thought you’re inside with the boys,” Jack blinks, a hint of a frown wrinkling his forehead. 

“No,” Eric blinks in turn, unsettled by this strange creature wearing the face of his commander. He looks so different in jeans and an AsCans training program t-shirt, out of the bulky spacesuits they spend most days in. “Uh -- no. I’m not.”

“Right.” Jack nods stiffly, glances at the ground and then at a spot somewhere over Eric’s shoulder. His body language is guarded, and he looks misplaced, painfully awkward. They still haven’t exchanged more than two or three sentences in private since Evor and Eric, typically the chatterbox, wouldn’t even know where to begin. “Well, uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll go.”

“You’re not interrupting,” Eric says, before he can think too carefully about why the heck he’d say such a thing. Before he can recall the snapshot memory of Jack turning to eat dinner in the flight deck, alone. “I mean. I’m just sitting here. Drinking alien beer,” he raises his glass, the bright green liquid sloshing around, leaving traces of neon on its rim. The ridiculousness of the situation may be slightly lost on Jack, but not on him. Space still is, and probably always will be, kind of weird.

“Right,” Jack repeats, the line of his back tightening and his eyes narrowing at Eric. “Be careful with that. Don’t want you to throw up during descent tomorrow.”

Dear Lord. One step forward and three steps back. “Yes, Commander,” Eric sighs, swallowing the chagrin out of his voice. His shoulders sag as his body curls towards the view, away from Jack. God forbid Jack Zimmermann think about anything other than the mission for a single flippin' moment. Eric should know better than to be disappointed, but the sour churn of his stomach is unmistakable. Eric should, but doesn’t.

The footsteps behind him pick up again, and he expects to hear Jack walking farther and farther away. Instead, he’s shocked into silence by Jack sliding into his peripheral view, sitting down beside him on the cliff. His shoulders are rigid, his mouth pressed thin. His expression looks like he’s as bewildered as Eric by his own actions.

“Are you excited to go back?” Jack asks after a long, uncomfortable minute, during which they both sit mutely and watch the pits of Vylos before them. Its second moon has finished a full rotation and is now shining down in soft lilac beams. Jack’s voice is tense, flat; this boy, Eric thinks almost pityingly, really is terrible at small talk.

He’s been asked this question a dozen times that month, but mustering his practiced fake enthusiasm now seems hard. Maybe it’s the alien alcohol; maybe it’s that Jack could regress into not speaking to him again at any moment. “I guess so. Home sweet home, ‘m I right?”

Jack shrugs one shoulder, a short and angular movement. “It doesn't feel like going home to me,” he says, honest and plain. “I spend most of my time out here. It’s more like -- a summer vacation. Some people go to the Caribbean and we go visit Earth.”

Eric nods, absently, unsure of how to respond. He brings his glass to his lips and takes a long swig of it, tastes green all the way to the back of his throat. It’s almost impossible to imagine that in twenty-four hours he could be drinking locally-produced white wine in the Washington Corridor. Earth feels so darn far away.

“What’ll you do on your vacation, then?” Eric asks after another long stretch of silence, mostly out of politeness that his mother persistently lectured into him over years. 

Jack’s attention is fixed on the moons, his profile sculpted by the sharp lines of his nose and cheekbones and chin. His eyes are so pale under the lilac moon -- big, slanted, annoyingly beautiful. He remains quiet for a moment, leans his weight on his palms and considers Eric’s question. His gaze is still flickering over the view when he says, finally, “I usually go see my parents. Read. Buy groceries.”

Eric snorts inelegantly. If he didn’t know any better, didn’t know Jack any better, that could almost be mistaken for a joke. “Buy groceries?”

“Yes,” Jack says, perfectly serious. His eyes flit over to meet Eric’s, and Eric holds them for only a moment before quickly looking away. His cheeks grow inexplicably warm. “I don’t really miss anything when I’m up here -- I mean, not really -- but I guess sometimes it’s nice to remember people. Stupid human stuff, eh? Supermarkets. Banks. I always think I'd catch a movie in the theatre but somehow I never do.”

He appears to be uncomfortable with his admission, face closing off once the words are out of his mouth. The sharp lines of his features twist back into a familiar scowl, but Eric watches them, him, thoroughly transfixed. The authentic snippet of personality cannot disappear under the reapplied mask this time; Jack has put something truthful on the table, a hint of something charmingly sentimental. A mundane humanity space can't recreate, newspapers and laundromats and coffee stands and taxes. Grocery shopping. Eric doesn’t know if the fast, erratic beating in his chest is at the sweet tinge of it, or the mere thought of Jack paying attention to such things.

“You should,” Eric finally finds his words somewhere in his strangled windpipe, slowly facing forward. Jack, and his continual ability to confuse. He can see Jack from the corner of his eye, turning his head to subtly raise both eyebrows at Eric. “Go to the movies. You should do it this time.”

“Yeah. Maybe I will,” Jack says after a long pause. “I'll tell you how it went when we’re back here.”

“If I come back,” Eric sighs before he can catch himself, and then freezes, fingers clenching around his glass. Dang it. Dang it all to hell.

“What?” Jack asks, confused, and when Eric refuses to meet his eyes, shoulders squaring and chin dropping to his chest, Jack’s voice sharpens and he repeats, “What? What do you mean? Bittle. What do you mean.”

Eric exhales unsteadily, rubbing his forehead with the back of his free hand. He thought he'd have more time. He thought -- like he always does, and is always wrong -- that he’d successfully outrun his problems by denying their existence. He could try shoving those four incriminating words back into his mouth, but Eric can feel Jack’s intense attention focused on the side of his face. Once Jack stepped back into the professional boots of Commander Zimmermann, no denial will make him let this go. 

“I’m spending all of my leave in Texas. I gotta pass evaluation for the clearance to come back here with y’all. These past six months were my test run -- I’ve never passed the written exam.” Eric drags his shoe through the sandy ground, watches as the grooves he makes are swept away. “Y’all know I’m no good at the sciency stuff, Jack, alright. I don't need to hear it from you as well. If I don't get an adequate score I'm off the program for good.”

Eric chews the inside of his cheek and chances a side glance. Jack looks outraged, his thick brows drawn down and his entire face devoid of color. Eric’s immediate reflex is to flinch away, but Jack speaks before he can make a move. “What subjects?”

“What?” Eric asks, thrown completely off-balance. He was expecting a thundering reprimand at worst, an indifferent dismissal at best. He doesn’t know what the quiet, heated response he's gotten even is. 

"What subjects are they testing you on?”

Eric hesitates, body still braced for the blow that isn't coming. “Uh. All of the introductory subjects. Basic physics, geobiology... mostly modern astronomy. But I swear --”

“Alright,” Jack cuts him off with a single sharp nod, his chin sticking out slightly, like Eric has somehow pushed him to make up his mind. His expression, typically impassive, is now staggeringly transparent. “I’ll help you study for the written exam.”

“What?" Eric blinks several times, glances down to see if he's had more to drink than he thought, but the glass is still half-full and Jack's figure is still corporeal by his side, intense expression still in place. He doesn't fade away like the hallucination Eric is so sure he must be. "Jack -- what --?”

Jack doesn't seem to pick up on the astonishment that has Eric stumbling over his words. “We’ve got two and a half weeks, right? You need entry level stuff to pass that exam. If we study hard, you can do it.”

Eric thinks he might be gaping, his mouth hanging open and growing dry in the arid air, but he apparently isn't capable of collecting his jaw off of Vylos’ ground. “But… what… but you’ll be in Canada…?”

“I’ll stay in Huston,” Jack looks determined. “Bittle, we're a team. You should’ve told us before and we would’ve helped you. You’re a strong crew member, you’re smart, you’ve got an edge that none of us has got. If that’s the only thing holding you back we’re going to get you over it. Study clinic, day and night.” He pauses, the self-assurances faltering for only a moment, and the lines of his mouth soften somewhat. “Just trust me, okay?”

Eric is absolutely floored. The only foolish thing that manages to leave his mouth is, “What about going to the movies?”

Jack almost smiles. Eric has spied that expression on rare occasions before, but never directed at him, and never from up close. It does something to Jack's face that Eric can't put in words. “I’ll catch one on the next leave. Which you’ll be taking as well, ‘cause you’re not leaving the program. We've got each other's backs, Bittle.”

Under the moonlight, purple shadows carving his face from marble and a mellow half-smile twisting the corners of his mouth upwards, Eric could almost let himself admit how handsome Jack is. Jack rubs the dirt off of one palm and slowly curls his fingers, holds them up in a silent offer. Eric can see the thin veins beneath the surface of his skin. He looks at the hand, looks up at Jack, and lets a tentative smile blossom on his face. He brings his clenched hand up to meet Jack’s, and bumps his fist.

#zimbits #omgcp #omgcheckplease #zimbits fic #it is the space fic! they are in space! #i cleaned up the first chapter if anyone wants to reread or catch up #check please! #jack x bitty #pavfics #okay great this is a series now. i'm SORRY

[psychicmoth]

i barely (lol) use tumblr these days but it thought it was better to make make a long post about this (re: artists & online audience engagement) instead of a thread of tweets. take this as a rambling, i'm not an example to follow, but i feel like some of the stuff i have to say might help someone out there.

i know it can be incredibly frustrating not getting attention on your art, it hurts, it causes pain, because you invested a lot of time and effort working on it. but i think it's immensely important for artists, especially beginning artists, to learn how to set healthy boundaries around these feelings, because they will never reflect your personal value, never. you are a human before an artist. of course the lack of attention affects you, of course, it sucks, but i'm here to ask you to 1. please, continue trying, i promise you there's an audience for everybody out there and 2. give yourself time to analyze why this might be happening, in case this is something you want to work on.

i don't know your life, i don't know the personal relationship you might have with your art, but i know it can be such an intimate and vulnerable one. cry, if you need to, baby, i'm gonna be here holding your hand ❤️ but once you feel ready, give yourself some time to think. and i promise you, it's gonna hurt less.

it's important to take a step back. even if the lack of attention feels like a personal rejection, it is not, i promise, it is not. it's such a hard thing to separate yourself from, especially in a culture where numbers seem to be everything, but even if it's super hard and discouraging, remember that every well-known artist started somewhere and every person has their own journey. natural inclination to a craft is just a tiny, tiny part of the work, there's a lot of practice and hard work behind, so of course your first artworks aren't gonna your best work! of! course! of course there's always place for improvement! and everybody has the capacity to!! i promise!! please, keep creating.

wait so- do you need to improve your work? maybe, this is an always for me anyway. but, please, take into consideration that this can mean a lot of things. it can be that your anatomical/color/design skills need more work and study, it can be that the subjects you chose to work with are not common or popular at the moment, maybe the message you are trying to communicate/present is not clear enough or contradictory or too niche or strange or- it can just be that the composition you chose doesn't work well with the vertical format of mobile phones or the particular cropping of the social media where you posted lol it's a whooooole journey, there are infinite reasons why someone didn't engaged with your work and sometimes it's super hard to figured it out yourself, that's why seeking feedback is always important, from different people. feedback can be a hard experience too, and i'm so sorry i don't have good news about this part, but it's a fundamental part of the process. eventually, you will build your own criteria and have a better understanding of your own work, and you will learn to know what feedback to follow and what not. i'll get easier. i promise it will. on the other hand, i think it's also important to learn to not obsess over it and always give yourself space to rest and recharge, and you know, live. you are a human at the end. give your 90% instead of your 100%, but always, always seek improvement.

'ok but i feel like maybe my art is not the problem here' yeah, unfortunately your artistic skill are never gonna be enough, these is a conversation about engagement in digital platforms, so of course it's fundamental to remind you that your social media skills are crucial, too. too crucial maybe, so the sooner you learn to master them, the better. yeah, figuring out the best time to post is important. yeah, choosing the best tags matter too. but it goes further than that. sometimes i get overwhelmed thinking about social media because the more you study it, the more your realise how a complex structure it really is uhm. everybody knows that building a community and staying in contact with it is fundamental, in a personal or professional way, because they are not only connections, they are humans too. we, humans, need these connections. but it's super important to remember that some of these connections, or how we refer in this conversation, engagement, is determined by multiple other reasons beyond our basic social skills, kinda. some of them are rewards for playing the algorithm game right. using the right words, engaging in certain conversation or w certain accounts, interacting in the right interval of time, etc. social media platforms benefit from us by us staying here, active, present, creating conversations, discussions, investing time here, making these sites perfect markets for investors. at the end, everything revolves around money and brands. that's why they constantly feed us rewards, numbers that stimulate our brains. and that's why it's important to not let them eat us alive and learn to maintain the most healthy relationship possible w them. of course i'm not saying that all the attention well-known artists get is a byproduct of their good social media skills, of course not, but they are important, very important, and it's a good idea for you to try to learn more about these topics and how every single detail about these sites we use have been thoughtfully planned. for you. to stay. it will help you to be more strategic about showcasing your work and choosing how to wisely spend your time here. you mental health is the most important thing at the end, don't forget that. it's a lot of work to do, yeah, but that's what we have if we want to reach a bigger audience ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

before ending this rambling, i don't want to forget to mention how there can be other hundred things that can get between you and your potential audience, of course, and it's very, very important to keep them always present in our discussions. life-threatening conditions, economic hardships, marginalization are some of them, definitely, and i think it's very important to keep having conversations about them. we as a community have a responsibility to amplify these voices and make sure resources to grow are always available there and not only in moments of extreme need or in reaction to horrible events.

so. yeah. life can be so... hard. the artistic journey is never-ending. whoever is reading this, you have my whole support ❤️ i know it's really easy to get discouraged, but please, keep creating, we need more art in this world more than ever :')) 💖

take care, i hope y'all are having a good day ❤️

ps. btw, my dms are open for advice or feedback! you can do this! 🌻

#artadvice #art advice

[oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop]

@mysteriousdbzgt: Hi oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop! Thank you for your ask. First of all, thanks for asking this question here on my personal (and also for the follow over on t&bftw, welcome aboard! :D) I think you can probably tell from here, that I’m a huge supporter of them becoming romantically involved lol I don’t shy about that here, but I like to present a more neutral stance over on my news dedicated blog, to not influence others of my personal opinions. With regards to the new season, as much as I would be supportive of it, I unfortunately highly doubt that they would become “official” in S2 or anything in the future, but will remain extremely dedicated and attentive to one another, regardless of their constant bickering. The creators of the show are more than aware of the popularity of the “couple”, being constantly popular at doujinshi events and the continuous amounts of merchandise that they bring out, which regularly focuses on the main duo rather than all of the Heroes all the time. The fandom is primarily dominated by women, when originally the show was supposed to target men and “salarymen”, but attracted a completely different demographic that they hadn’t anticipated. I can only think that’s mainly because of the appeal of K&B. Also not helped by some of the staff’s, let’s just say, “unfiltered” thoughts when they discuss about K & B in older interviews, centering around “love” and other similar notions. I think they still want to keep this series aimed towards a male demographic, even if the results don’t line up as they expect. But highly ironically, it’s what makes the show successful, so I doubt they would want to change how they portray Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship. Personally I would be absolutely over the moon if they did become “official”, because they’re just perfect for one another (hehe) and it could just break so many standard conventions/boundaries on how media portrays same-sex relationships, if done appropriately, and not be labelled with any genre tags like “BL”, “yaoi” or anything similar, and still simply just be a “drama”, “superhero” tale, with the two main males eventually getting together but not make a big song and dance about it. If we want to normalise LGBT relationships within our media and what we consume, then we need to drop these tags and portray them in a healthy manner, which I think the show does well between them both. I believe that the staff have the talent to pull it off, they just need to be cautious on how they do it. Like you said, how FE is presented in the show which such great self confidence about themselves and who they are, really shows that they can write this. Also T&B’s spiritual successor show, Double Decker (who had a lot of the same staff) tackles some LGBT themes pretty well, so they could absolutely do it. But yeah, I don’t think they’ll become “official” unfortunately. But if anything, I anticipate that KxB will most likely be working even closer together in S2, so they’ll be more in tune with one another, and possibly open up even more to each other than they did before. Hopefully they’ll be over the huge feuds and split apart phase, which The Rising focused on (they’ll still bicker all the time, but that’s just how they are), so we can see just how far their relationship has come and changed for the better. Anyway this is probably way too long (sorry), but always interested to hear your thoughts too! :)  

Heya! Before I start I just wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply, it is incredibly well thought out and written! I also want to say I am so freaking sorry you had to type out my monstrosity of a name (seriously didn’t think about that when making the joke lol). Oh, and I’m equally sorry for the formatting of the reply... really had no clue how to go about it, so I just defaulted to going about it the roleplayer way haha. Anyways, for starters, I think I should say that I actually agree with you a lot. You see, logically I think it feels highly unlikely they’d make them “official” in the new season. I’m not sure if I feel like it’s unlikely because I, someone who’s in the LGBTQ community, am a pessimist (aka, I’m negative regardless of proof) who is use to companies not delivering on it/assume companies won’t deliver on it.... or if I’m genuinely, but unconsciously, picking up on Sunrise’s stance of “not gonna happen”. Despite all that I still feel stupidly hopeful about it (y’know, heart louder than the mind and all that jazz)... and I guess for the sake of the discussion I’ll break down why! lol So, I got into the fandom.... around the time of The Rising, I think, so anywhere from 2014 to 2015. I instantly fell in love with it all, but I did end up falling out of the loop for awhile (being a teenager and all that). Recently (recently being that I finished S1 on Friday, watched The Rising on Sunday, and now I’m here lol) I got back into it and.... wow, a lot of it is the same, and.... at the same time it felt like I had so much more to process. It’s still as amazing as ever, if not even more so, and just like with everything else I love with my entire being I started to analyze it and read into it (maybe a little bit too much so lol).  In all honesty, KxB seriously stood out even more so than it did last time for me (I don’t know if it’s because I’m now accepting of my sexuality or what) and while it’s not actually the best part of the series to me (God, Barnaby’s arc means so much to me what with me struggling with cPTSD, but that story is best left on my RP blog) I do have to admit that the pairing is... incredibly meaningful, and beautiful. Moving for me, really.  I guess the following observations, and hopeful thinking that came after it, could be deduced to me just wearing shipper goggles, but considering my habit of over analyzing and breaking things down... I do try to make predictions and opinions logically, and with that in mind it’s why I’m so stuck on the “hopeful thinking”, since a tiny bit of logical thinking is fueling it. Tiger & Bunny is about human relationships, really. For a show focusing on NEXTs... it’s really about humanity, corruption, society, relationships... and KxB all along the first season is written as an undertone, like a slow burn (which is entirely fitting, and seriously makes any relationship better), which fits because the first season is, in actuality, not focused on that (the plot being bigger than we can see and all that). In the end, having rewatched it, I also noticed how, really, the undertone is written in such a way that.... it feels like Barnaby is the one with the “crush” (or is the first one to realize it) which... kinda fits with the old statements from the crew. Kotetsu the forever oblivious one who hasn’t had an epiphany yet (although if I’m being honest, The Rising seems to have this “side-plot” feeling of Kotetsu having the epiphany when he realizes what he’s lost, which is what I meant by the flow of the series somewhat feels like it’s building towards it)...  .... There’s also the whole “leaving it to interpretation thing” they said back then. Which, I have to agree with some other people that it feels like it’s just a way of saying “it’s romantic but we don’t want to take that risk”.... and that was back around 2011. It’ll have been decade since then when S2 is released, and, while a decade is just a decade, a lot has changed on a societal basis since then. Even during this decade long gap Sunrise has become more bold with their representation, whether it be Double Decker! or The Rising.... almost like they’re testing the waters...  and what better way to champion representation than to make two main characters the representation? This franchise is... so human in it’s story, and the meaning doing such a thing would have for so many people... in a way, I think out ways some of the risks. I feel like the build up is there, the want is there (tbh seeing posts on tumblr of people talking about how they hope they’ll get a kiss in S2 or something “official” like that also fueled this)... it just depends on whether they’ll feel afraid or not. Which is, really, why I asked for your opinion. You do such good work at trying to bridge the gap between the Japanese fandom/Sunrise and the English speaking community (which, btw, you are amazing at, I can’t thank you enough for the work you do), and I knew you’d be more informed on Sunrise’s attitude and statements, as well as the general opinions and depositions of the Japanese fans. In the end, I can “read into” things all I want, but it won’t matter if you can’t understand the one who pulls the strings... and because of that I wanted to know your opinion.  I’m so so sorry this got so long!! I’m really horrible at summarizing myself, so this turned into a major ramble.... I’m gonna wrap it up now before this turns into a novel haha. Again, thank you so much for responding to my question and for being open to discussing it, it means so much! I truly respect your opinion, since it helps me clear my own thoughts, as well as gives me a dose of reality so I don’t get my hopes up too much... I guess in the end though, a part of me is going to continue to think that they just might have the heart to do it, irregardless lol. I look forwards to seeing what you have to say about what I’ve written here!

#mysteriousdbzgt #thoughts #Tiger & Bunny #I have no clue why tumblr tried to squash your post when I copied it like Kotetsu squashes his burgers #but jesus fucking christ #also tumblr what did you do to block quotes wtf

[hongism]

SO here we are at the finish line! i am so so excited to share this two fold project with you all and all the details will be below. thank you again x10000000 for helping me reach this milestone and helping me grow this blog into what it is today. i am so grateful for each and every single one of you. while i know im not able to do something special for every milestone i reach, i want to show my gratitude here and now. 

*•.¸♡ ✧ 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝑒 ✧ ♡¸.•*

while this may be my milestone, it certainly isn’t all about me. i want to use this opportunity to engage you guys and share the love and appreciation for other writers and content creators.

so part one of my milestone celebration is for you guys.

send me an ask telling me about your favorite creator - whether it be a fic writer, gif maker, media creator, any sort of blog - and tell me why you love them. i will post your asks and tag the creator so that they can know that they are loved and cherished by people. if you want to talk about your favorite creation of theirs, that is fantastic as well. maybe it’s a fic that you think about all the time, a graphic that is absolutely stunning beyond belief, just a fun blog that you love seeing! or it could be a fic you recommend! i’ll try my best to read it asap and leave my feedback for the author, or maybe some of you guys as my followers will check out the fic and leave feedback yourself! feedback is so hugely important to authors and creators on this platform, and i really wanna encourage people to give more!

i really want this part one to be all about spreading love and appreciation, because god knows tumblr creators do NOT get enough of it!

this is open so if you’d like to send love to your favorite creators, please do so!

*•.¸♡ ✧ 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓉𝓌𝑜 ✧ ♡¸.•* 

so this bit will require a lot more information but the whole purpose of this part two is really an ode to you guys. when i started out i would post a reaction here and there but it really was the requests that caused me to grow, especially my request game back in december. that game really propelled me forward in so many ways and i will always be grateful for every single one of you who helped me do that. it’s incredible that i was celebrating a milestone back in december and now im celebrating one that is almost quadruple the amount, and it’s just so crazy unbelievable that i don’t think i’ll ever just recover from the shock and gratitude.

so y’all aren’t here to hear me ramble on and on. i will get straight to the point eep. as an ode to how i started out and how i grew, i will be opening my own drabble request game!

as soon as this post goes live, i will be posting another post of my own prompts with 4 categories: angst, fluff, smut, and miscellaneous. these prompts will be all made by me with the help of some dear friends hehe.

another special part about this idea is that i want to be able to share this game with others obviously. so if you would like to participate with me in doing this - reblog the prompt list that i’ll be posting after this ((i’ll also leave a link here)). specify which group(s) you are accepting requests for and what your own personal guidelines are, or if you are following my guidelines! as you post requests, tag your work with #dreamingofkoomilestone and i will reblog your works!

i couldn’t fit every group i’m including in the banner so that’s why they aren’t all there but be sure to double check the list of groups i will accept requests for in the guidelines below!

i will post the guidelines both here and on the prompt list so you don’t miss out on it but please please please read the guidelines so that i can accept your request. i will also post a prompt list without the guidelines for those who want to participate with me!

in order to request a drabble: 

1-2 members per request

Originally Ateez, BTS, and Stray Kids were going to be the only groups I included in this event but as I got closer and closer to today I was like “hm let’s just have fun with this” so I decided to add two more groups to the mix

Must be either Ateez, BTS, Stray Kids, Victon, or NCT (including WayV)

1-2 prompts per request (if you want more than that, please just send another request)

Can be any combination of prompts from any category (eg: smut 14 + fluff 3)

Can be a combination of members from different groups (eg: Jimin + Bang Chan/Wooyoung+Felix/any other combo you like)

Please be patient with me as these things can take 1-4 days to write and post

I will not write smut for any members of NCT Dream as I do not feel comfortable doing so. Please be aware of this before requesting for anyone from NCT Dream

I reserve the right to deny any request that I do not feel comfortable completing without having to explain why

Follow this format (without the brackets): [Member(s) + Prompt(s) + any other notes you would like to add]

Note: if you are participating in the request event with me, please tag your works with #dreamingofkoomilestone so i can reblog your stuff!

#milestone celebration #dreamingofkoo #dreamingofkoo's milestone celebration

[calamitousrpg]

Hi. This could be a long shot but I used to rp on jcink and I left it almost a year ago to take a break as I found the communities very toxic. I miss my characters and I forgot you there were rp communities on tumblr! I have never rp'd on tumblr before and I'm not sure how it works, as in where is the actual place where written character posts are or where members chat? I'm a newbie to tumblr rp and would love to join. I would appreciate some advice on how to start! xx

Hey there! Thank for for taking the time to reach out to us, we’re more than happy to try our best and give you to tumblr RP rundown! Sorry to hear you had a poor experience elsewhere - rest assured, if you want to be part of Crooked, we don’t bite! (We even have Game Nights !)

A summary of what I’ll try cover: 

Your blog is where you post as your muse/character per se, you can reblog musings and anything you like about your character(s) on here for the group to see. 

Your replies/roleplay interactions are also on here where you can post responses to open starters and engage in all that’s happening! (If you don’t use discord - we use it as our OOC platform, your OOC communications will go on your blog(s) too!)

So, to begin, the way the process of on the dash RP-ing works is generally: You create a tumblr account separate to your personal/main. You can use a little trick in the sign-up process to avoid creating new emails and losing track. For example: 

[email protected] can be used for your personal tumblr escapades! And then, for an RP one, you can use the same email, but format it like this: [email protected]. (It still goes to your same inbox, but it allows you to have multiple accounts - if you’re using them for different groups.)

I already feel like I might have lost you a little here - so, let me continue off this topic... we can always help you set-up later! 

Once you have a tumblr account, you can then decide if you want to keep it organised in the sense of individual character blogs or if you want to compile multiple characters onto one blog; then use the tumblr tagging system to make it clear which you’re using if you have gathered a few muses! We have a mixture in the group who use Mumu blogs (multi-muse) and those who use individuals - it’s purely personal preference! Despite using a Mumu myself here in Crooked, I generally prefer individuals because it makes it a little easier to keep up with the replies I may owe! 

Alrighty, so there’s that ramble added... It’s honestly much simpler to navigate than I may be making it out to be - my apologies! Essentially, you reblog interactions at your pace and create new ones for those to engage in and your threads are you ongoing interactions. If you would like some examples, I’ll list the admin blogs below so if you wanted to have a quick scroll for examples of how we kind of interact - there’s not really a right or wrong way! 

@crxxkedevil , @twistedxpromises & @eternallyxcrooked 

These listed above are all mumu blogs - so we have multiple characters we have compiled into a single blog, whereas we have members that have a main blog and then add side blogs for each picked up OC character. But you should be able to see the method of roleplay in each of these. There is also no rule on length or tense you write in ... you’ll see some variation, I’m sure. As long as it’s understandable and we can gauge interactions, you’re on for a win! Hurrah! 

I feel like that’s the getting started basics kind of covered? Everyone has their own tumblr tagging system on their posts to be able to retrieve former interactions and such. 

A beneficial program (I’d recommended getting.) is a free add-on for google chrome browsers called XKit as it offers the ability to edit posts once they’ve been posted and you can reblog just the newest interaction instead of swarming the dash with previous/repeat engagements. Honestly, if you haven’t realised I’m Queen of the Rambles - you... do now... but truly, we’re all friendly and willing to help you every step of the way! You’ll pick it up in no time, I’m sure! A lot of information and step-by-steps are covered in sections of the Main blog that might give you some insights beyond my explanations! 

As for discord, this is the OOC platform we use for out of character interactions and general day-to-day conversations. (Also, game nights... and lots of other chaos.) It’s also free and is available on both mobile & desktop. There’s no obligation to be part of the server there - but you’re more than welcome to get to know your fellow members and RP-ers! Helps with plotting threads and interactions too.

As a last addition: we’ve broken down the process a little on the Navigation page (Mobile Navigation, here.) so you’re able to look at things pre-application and then post-application to try encourage an ease of access for all. Hopefully by looking at some blog examples of ours and having a meander through the CrookedSoulsRPG main blog that you should find some helpful resources. We also have a resources blog, here if you want to look at gifs and icons... especially if you’re potentially not used to using gifs/icons/gif icons in your interactions, we try to where we can and there’s many faces for inspiration if you haven’t acquired an arsenal of faces yet! 

Thank you again for sending this in! I hope that this somewhat helped you in your starting up process? If you need clarification on more, you’re more than welcome to hit us with all the messages you like, or if you want to pop in an application if you think you’e got the ropes and an idea of what muses/characters you wanna throw into the Crooked world. A quick read down our guidelines to check they’re all good for you and you’re away! 

We’re more than happy to continue helping you through the process in any way we can - we’re all very welcoming! Please, don’t be shy! Believe me, we’re all been there before, we all start somewhere! 

#loveheart89x #answered #supernatural rp #supernatural rpg #supernatural roleplay #original rp #original rpg #rp #lsrpg #new rpg #new rp #dark rp #dark rpg #mumu rp #mumu rpg #appless rp #mature rp #mature rpg #miscfaq #oocfaq

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Rules for mobile (Pinned Post)

The Code

Success. I’ve sufficiently pestered the wench to make me a blog, much to the cost of a certain behorned mischief god whose presence I must share. Follow the rules below, and there’ll be smooth sailin’, savvy?

This be an exceptionally selective blog. I was me mun’s first ever muse yonks back and I’ve pestered her into writing me again, BUT, she’s horribly pressed for time. Partners will likely be very few, else ones doubling up with Loki’s. Anyone is welcome to approach and enquire, but she and I will be leaning toward those either from me own universe or crossovers with which she’s highly familiar and characters in whom she’s especially interested. Ye have been warned.

Replies are like to be slow, up to a few weeks at most.

Partners must be 18+. Various themes of an adult nature may be found here. Sexual things will be tagged ‘#filthy pirate’ with whatever level/variety of sin I deem them. More details below.

Behave. There shall be no rudeness, no passive aggression, no hate, no censorship or generally being a twit. Do I make meself clear?

The Code - Extended (below the cut)

Hi, guys. I’m Pirate (oddly known as this long before I made Jack a tumblr). Here are my more detailed rules and guidelines for writing with me on this blog, though the absolute basics are at the top as, honestly, it’s never easy to remember everyone’s requirements.

Jack is a sideblog. If you’re being followed by a benevolentgodloki that means I’m following you back. I don’t need us to be mutuals (both following each other) for us to write together, but there is a greater chance of us having a partnership if we’re letting each other know we’re interested.

How I Roll

I note myself as ‘highly selective’. This isn’t to be an elitist bugger, it’s because we all only have a limited amount of time we can put in. I want to write what I enjoy with people I enjoy. I am married with two attention-seeking cats, two jobs, a slow-brewing intended writing career and a video game addiction.

Asks/Memes - I will usually answer these no matter who they are from but I may or may not turn them into a thread I intend to keep. Some memes are very much designed to be something that continues so context can be key. If you would like to know in advance whether I intend to answer and/or keep something, please do pop me a message and I will be kind and honest.

My Threads - While Jack’s blog is still exciting and new, I’m being a bit all over the place with who and what I reply to depending on which way Jack’s.. compass.. is pointing. I do have a rolling turn order that I adhere to (to the point that I can genuinely tell you who is next at any given moment) but it’s all piled in with Loki’s threads, meaning I can take a few weeks to get round everything. Every partner gets one of their threads answered within that ‘round’ and then I go round again. However, when I’m really into something/finding something easy to pop back, I treat myself to spamming certain threads or partners at my whim. I use rpthreadtracker.com to maintain what I have. 

I will remind partners of threads that have not been replied to for more than three months. If I do not do this, I have either forgotten/lost it myself, I’m not too fussed about keeping it at that stage, or you were absent for a long period of time. 

My Style - I will write in both past or present tense depending on partner preference. My default is past but I like either. Please kick me if I screw up and write the wrong one. I prefer using regular size font but I will make mine small on replies to people who use the smaller so that it looks neat. I will often match partners’ lengths and some formatting details e.g. bolding dialogue, but I struggle with doing novella-length posts for reasons below.

I have a bugbear to admit about role-play. What we call splicing. A good half of my partners write this way so I’m not about to tell everyone to stop but if you’re someone who does this, you will occasionally run into some frustrations when writing with me. ‘Splicing’ is when you retrospectively write dialogue or actions as having previously happened during your partner’s last post. These things are fine when they’re passive i.e. your character muttered them, thought them or you were writing what your character was doing at the time because that’s pretty much essential. The trouble comes usually when my characters talk a lot/ask rhetorical questions and partners choose to answer every single one despite the fact my character carried on talking. I know it’s an ass that I have talkative muses and you really want to respond to every point/get a word in, but putting words and actions into the past effectively godmods my muse into accepting they happened. If you feel your muse would have full-on interjected midway through their ramble, please ask me to edit my post/stop it at that point. Otherwise if you do prefer to splice, my muse will only respond to whatever it is your character did or said last in their post. This is one of the reasons I can’t write novella, because often there is only so much you can write before you’re stepping into the territory of changing what went before and not allowing your partner to do anything about it.

TL;DR don’t ever worry about your post being too short for me. If it’s one sentence long but it’s because something fast-paced is happening, I won’t be miffed.

Shipping! - no not that kind of ship, Jack. I love shipping. Ships all around. Let’s face it, romance can be one of the most exciting reasons we bother writing. I am open to a lot of ships for Jack, practically all of them. Yes, even that one. I will do downright nasty, toxic, horrible stuff, savvy? It’s fiction and Jack is a great indulgence for bad things happening to him as much as good. That said, of course don’t force something on him without prior agreement between us. Well, I mean, your muse can try and accost him and see what he does, just don’t expect him to definitely reciprocate. Jack and I are bi/pansexual. We’re open to everything. I will admit a heavy lean toward m/m but, that said, Jack is extremely fond of the ladies, more so than Loki. I am very into Sparrington especially.

Not Safe For Ye Olde Work

Sliding down from the above topic, I enjoy the occasional smutting. It is not a requirement from my partners. In fact, I’m warming very much to fading to black depending on the context/mood/if things feel a bit repetitive. I do feel a touch more comfortable with partners who don’t need that boundary but as I’ve recently figured ‘if it needs a cut, then it’s smut’ I know when to skip on.

Saucy material will go under cuts/Read More’s and be tagged as mentioned above with ‘filthy pirate’. Additional tags will be based on the citrus scale: ‘lime’ for general grabbing, ‘lemon’ for full on sexual content and ‘grapefruit’ if things get extra kinky. I will tag things such as ‘rape tw’ or ‘noncon tw’ or ‘dubcon tw’ where necessary. Please blacklist any or all of these at your leisure, or search them if you fancy :U I do NOT tag these as ‘ns.fw’ because tumblr just completely hides them from being searchable which is useless for my partners.

OC’s - Due to my time constraints I am extremely picky when it comes to OC’s. This is a good fandom for well-thought-out muses and I know firsthand how hard it is to make headway as an OC in the RP world. However, I also understand that for people like me, I want to dip in on this site to mostly play with the characters and worlds I’m really absorbed in and ship my weaselly black guts out. Some people have more time than others to really give your OCs the time and love they deserve. Unless I’ve played with you a long time and I really like the cut of your and your muse’s jib, it’s very unlikely I’ll bite. Apologies! The same goes for crossover muses from fandoms I’m unfamiliar with, but I will let you know if that’s the case.

Limits

Threads - I don’t have a strict limit on how many to have per person but please bear in mind that the more of these you have with me the longer it will take me to get to a particular one (unless I’m spamming it back and forth). This is more a mun/muse context how many I accept.

Exclusives/mains - I don’t do these although I may consider having a maximum of 3 or 4 of one muse depending on activity levels and to ensure plots don’t get mixed up or attention feel unfairly balanced.

Triggers/squicks - I don’t like body horror e.g. graphic detail of squishy bits having bad things happen to them. I’m writing a pirate so there’s absolutely allowed to be elements of torture/violence, just don’t stab him in the eye or chop bits off him. One torture-related thing sends me into a complete freakout which I’ll discuss with partners if we’re doing a thread of that ilk as needed. Kink-wise I’m not into mpreg, A/B/O or infantilism or toilet things. Just ask me/Jack if you’re after something XD

Who I Am/What I Need From You

Being yourself is the most important thing and I promise I am not a scary person (usually). We’re only human and it’s natural that we’ll get along better with some rather than others. This is more to give you a gist of the sort of person I am and who I gel with best.

So I’m a shy hermit at the best of times. I’m trying to be better at engaging and enthusing with partners over our threads because I realise more than ever this does keep things alive and make for a more enjoyable experience. I’m not always great at it. I work best with people who are patient and don’t worry too much on what I think of them and their writing, with people who are happy to keep threads going for the longhaul rather than keep dropping everything before I’ve had the time to get to the next post, and most especially people who accept that fiction =/= reality. I do need a certain level of quality, which doesn’t always mean perfect grammar, but it must be coherent, fun and creative. I like a relaxed approach, sharing mutual enjoyment in silly fantasy world sandboxes as escapism from (and exploration of) this complicated world we live in.

If you managed to read all of this, have a drink (even if it’s water). You’re a diamond. 

Pirate xxx

#rules #pinned post

[xxj0kerxx]

annnnd my rules have been updated! some new changes and removals that were probably needed because the rule was redundant

FIRST OF ALL

🤡 this is a multiverse, multiship, multimuse, indie rp blog (indie krp in some circumstances, depending how you view it because it can be quite subjective). as i have realized, i do not rp “normally” oro at least the standard rpc norms. i follow and prefer to put an emphasis on narrative driven stories with a strong theme. that will be put over the ship. when i look at a “ship” or a thread, i think of a cohesive story. writing the story is priority over smut or fluff filler.

🤡 i do have a discord for ooc and plotting (that will be issued out if asked or requested).

DISCLAIMER!

🤡 all muns and muses are all of age (18+), there will be exceptions where minors will be used in rp as npcs. all gifs used that can be seen in replies are made, by yours truly, me. this theme was not made by me, it was made by the lovely, anacommissions.

ABOUT THE MUN!

🤡 my name is john, him/he, 25, gmt-7 (pacific standard timezone). my activity will be very spotty but rest assure that i am most likely active or around either on tumblr or discord because frankly, i got no life. i am typically more active and responsive on discord because i get notifications and i have a clear preference over using discord over tumblr’s instant message. i can be seen as very controlling and very.. overly-enthusiastic. this is a heavily selective blog, i am very specific and meticulous when it comes to roleplaying. i understand that it should be fun and it will, i just tend to want things to be the best it could possibly be for us or me. i will not sugar-coat it and i will be fully transparent about it. anyways, if you have any questions about it just ask.

🤡 i am really an introvert and can barely hold conversations for the life of me so please bare with me! some will get along better with me, some will not. that’s just life but typically people who are more upfront and say what they have on their mind without fear of prejudice will have my respect and i will open up far much more. i am very easy-going, but i am very hard at getting to know. that is as best as i can word how i am. i may seem intimidating and i could be intimidating, i see myself as intimidating but understand that i am very easy-going and relaxed. all it takes is talking and having a discussion and everything can be resolved rather than keeping things complicated.

RULES | INFORMATION!

🤡 MUNS: all muns have to be 18+ to interact with me. no exceptions.

🤡 FOLLOWING: i do not follow the “follow for a follow back” rule. do not follow me unless you are interested or plan to role play with me. if i follow you, that most likely means i am interested and want to interact with you. if you do follow me, do understand that i notice but i won’t approach you until you do.

🤡 GOD MOD: don’t god mod, it simple as that.

🤡 SMUT/NSFW: if you’re looking for smut on this blog, most likely you won’t find it on this blog. but chances are, smut might occur on this blog and i will tag it accordingly. i will also put them under spoilers for the consideration of others. plenty of nsfw themes will be present on this blog, but you should be aware of that by now if you follow me. when smut does come and you’re not comfortable writing it out fully, i’d be more than happy to fade to black! just let me know, communication is important. i will try to make both of our experiences as comfortable as possible!

🤡 SELECTIVE: as stated before, i am a very heavily selective blog, but don’t let that deter you from coming up or talking to me for a potential thread! i will be very selective with who i pair together, but most things will be discussed between muns.

🤡 POSSIBLE TRIGGERS ON THIS BLOG: full discretion, many taboo topics will be displayed on this blog. i cannot list the entirety of the list of triggers but ask if you are concerned. expect the worst, from mental illness to death will occur.

🤡 FORMATTING: a high preference for small text. i do not like overly formatted replies that are hard to follow and read.

🤡 GIFS: a high preference for 90x90px gifs, but i will not subject others to this. i understand that rpc has a tendency to compact and shrink things, but i will not accept anything below 70x70px. 100x100px and 80x80px are okay! i will be frank, i do not like gifs in replies that are large (300px or over) where it covers the whole post.

🤡 FACE CLAIMS/MUSES:  i will not rp with face claims that do not have acting resources, its my personal preference. i just like the gifs to contextually make sense. on occasions, i will make some exceptions. i also would prefer to keep kpop idols separate from kdrama face claims. exceptions will be made for idols who have acting roles. same will apply to kdrama face claims with western face claims, i would prefer to keep them separate from one and another.

majority of my muses will be male, i am comfortable playing males compared to females. western and korean actors will be prominent on this blog.

🤡 SHIPPING: most likely shipping will be discussed between muns. i usually write with the intentions to what feels organic for the story. also depending, i will ship on chemistry if it works. typically, i usually have something in mind beforehand when it comes to a certain muse when it comes to shipping, but ask. i won’t ship western muses with korean/kdrama muses.

🤡 REPLIES: i will make a constant effort to reply to everyone on a weekly basis. most if not all replies will be sent all at once thursday night or friday. do not rush yourself to reply quickly and take your time. i will not sugar coat this, but favoritism is probably prevalent on this blog. there are certain muses that i have higher muses for than others so those replies will most likely be done quicker and sent out if i feel like it. BUT if you would like to do back and forth, please do ask!! i’ll try to accommodate! the longest i will wait for a reply is a month, i will drop the thread after the 31 day period if it is not replies unless you are on hiatus or mention it to me beforehand. my replies will only take place on dash, i have no interest in rping on discord or instant message.

🤡 EFFORT / PLOTTING: i require mutuals or anyone who roleplays with me to put effort within our thread(s) and plotting. i seek dedicated rp partners who are genuinely interested and care for the material and content. most if not all things will be discussed and talked about when it comes to plotting. i also do not wish to be the only one that does all the work. discussions and feedback are more than appreciated. we can share ideas together and headcanons, i’d really love that! i am the type of person who’d have an idea at 3 am in the morning! but i will drop the interaction if i see no effort or care. do not expect to match replies because replies will vary, but i typically write relatively “long”.

🤡 BAN LIST: problematic people (but that is so subjective), kpop idols, people who were accused of rape or abuse, that one kpop scandal, underaged fcs, deceased people, lee min-ho, amber heard, animated/cartoon characters.

🤡 OTHER INFO / EXTRA NOTES:

depending how you see it, i am somewhat okay or moderately okay with photoshop. if you ask, i can assist and help you out if you want to gif. though my method can be a bit different from others but nonetheless, i’d be more than happy to teach and help you out. if it is the case that you are interacting with me and need resources and you’re willing to put up the time to gif resources for the character, i am beyond grateful and i will surely try to help you as much as i can!! that is, if you’re willing to learn.

also a thing to note that i didn’t explicitly tell in my rules, even though that i have myself as multiverse/multiship. i have that because i like to be limitless and unbounded, but in theory most of my muses are single-ship. once i have the interaction that i specifically wanted, i am usually very content. it is typically hard for me to come up with another “compelling” narrative for the same muse.

please feel free to send asks, i’d love to answer them!! ( i typically don’t use memes as a way to start/make starters because it is light hearted fun to me compared to plotting.)

i can come off as too passionate or overly enthusiastic over muses and plot, which most cases leads me to ramble A LOT. if it is annoying or burdensome, just let me know.

#j → (me)