#and while i know how to do it safely im still Traumatized from being a teen and getting my hair done the day b4 high school started | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thequietkid-moonie · 1 year

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Not sure if you remember that scene one in RoR/SnV where The Serpent was harassing Eve by grabbing onto her and not letting her go because he wanted her all to himself? Could you write something about how Buddha, Hades, Thor would react if they knew of that same situation happening to reader? Hopefully it’s too confusing for you 😅😅

S/O got harrased by the serpent

[ SCENARIO ] [ Buddha, Hades, Thor ]

[ Shuumatsu no Valkyrie / Records of Ragnarok ]

My dear I love your idea, I love Adam and the whole thing about Eve's trial, the scene is just magnificent ✨✨ and, also, im always up to beat an idiot's ass

I was thinking on it and I realice that this is an actual harrasment and that could be a traumatic experience so this is more serious than expected

Buddha

As much as Buddha loves just being with you and cuddle you he knows that you need time to yourself (as well as he does) so he is completely willing to let you be by yourself when you need it

It probably happens one of those ocations where you were alone when the serpent approached to you with a not so innocent intent, trying to immediatly restrain you but you manage to get away from him and run away

Although if he did find you when the serpent were harrasing you he will imediatly call him out, first just threating him to leave you alone and it would depend on the next move of the serpent if he attack him or not

However Buddha will be really mad for the whole situation, and even when his blood is boiling he tries to remind calm and focus only on you right now. His first course of action is to make you feel safe, even if the serpent doesn't manage to do something serious is still a traumatic experience so he, first of all, is making sure you realice that you are with him and that you are safe now

He want to know exactly what happened but will take things slowly, not wanting to make you relive that experience, as well he is just focusing in your comfort, asking you if is alright for him to touch you before doing it, even if he just want to hold your hand, and every touch is the most gently and sweetly

Also, if you tell him that you managed to defend yourself from him, either just enough to get away or to fully beat him he is truly proud of you and he won't hesitant on telling you so

Is for sure that he will go and give a lesson to the serpent but he isn't going to even think on leaving your side before making sure you will be fine if he leave you for a moment, it doesn't matter if it takes you a long time or just a little while to feel comfortable again

Buddha think in just scare the hell of him, threatening to kill him but that will vary according to how much it affected you (specially if you prefer for him to not use violence), however if the bastard dare to try to turn around things against you and try to blame you Buddha will react immediatly and kill him

After this Buddha will be hesitant to let you alone, for yours and his sake, as well he will feel kinda guilt about the whole thing (specially if it affected you a lot), and he prefers to don't talk about it again just because he doesn't want to bring you bad memories, but if you want to talk about it or it helps you doing it he has not problem with hearing you vent

Hades

Hades is really caring and he loves being by your side, whenever you go out if he has the opportunity and you let him he will love to go with you but if you want to go alone or he is busy he has no problem with you going alone (although he always recommend for you take a guard with you)

This would happen one of those moments where you went out alone, the serpent tanking advantage of it or even knocking out whoever where with you. It could be that either you manage to get away from him or someone else helped you, but still the serpent try to sneak away because he isn't that stupid to stay there waiting for Hades to appear

It also could be that he find you while the serpent were attacking you and in that case he inmediatly react, harshly separating the two of you two and putting you behind him while angrily threating the serpent, demanding an explanation

Doesn't matter how it happen the moment the news of you being harrased reach him he is immediatly furious, he drops everything he is doing and just runs to your side (in case you weren't the one telling him), he doesn't want to force you to talk about it but he needs to know so with the most sweet and gentle voice he ask you what happened, if you let him he will like to hold you close but if you prefer to not be touched he is totally fine with it

Hades holds all the patience in the world for you so you can use all the time you need to recover, but he want for you to keep going and don't get caught in the bad memories, he will bring you everything you ask for your comfort as well as pass all the time you need by your side, nothing will make him happier to help you feel safe and comfortable again

Just as much as he is focused in your comfort he is focused on making the serpent pay for what he had done, so he waste no time and ask the guards to bring the bastard to him imediatly (he would go to search him himself but he doesn't want to leave you alone), and even when he is furious he try to be fair and don't let himself get carry for the anger, although he is on the edge so it just take him trying to blame you or even you getting scare for his presence and Hades will let get out his anger on him

After everything is solved Hades stay really caring and gentle with you, he doesn't want to rush you so he will be pretty protective until he knows you are better (and not just masking or trying to ignore what happened), also he offered an apology for what happened, he knows he wasn't the one who attacked you but he can't help but feel guilty for not protecting you

Thor

Being in a relationship with you vanish Thor's apathy and boredom, but that is just one of all the reasons he has of why he loves spending time with you, so even when he doesn't say much or even if is just being physicaly close he loves spending time with you, although he totally respect that you want to have time alone and others times he just get too busy so you two will have to separate

It has to be in one of those moments where you were alone when the serpent taked the opportunity to attack you, trying to be quickly or even trying to take you somewhere else, it could be that you manage to run away or that someone else helped you, but in that moment the serpent will just snuck knowing what fate awaits for him if he doesn't run away

Although if Thor manage to get in time and see the serpent harrasing you he is furious and react immediatly, it would be almost a miracle that he doesn't hurt you when he separate him from you, with one of his hands he holds the serpent almost crushing him (as if his gaze wasn't enough to almost kill him) while with the other he is pushing you behind him

His reaction is still pretty bad when he gets the news of what happened to you, he is furious at the bastard and imediatly gets going to searching him, he will make him pay just for even just think on touching you, it doesn't matter if this doesn't affected you much because this is something unpardonable

The only thing that can stop him right now is you, asking him to please just stay by your side, if that is what you wish he then he will stay, but just until you are more calm or even fall sleep because then he will get back on track of searching that stupid serpent, he will hunt him if he has to (although he doesn't want to waste much time because he doesn't want to leave you alone) and the chances of him getting alive from it are minimum

After taking care of the problem Thor will completely focus on you, he isn't good with words so once he return the first thing he does is hold you close to him, gently hide you from the rest of the world, and he will stay like that for a while because he can't help but blame himself for it (specially if you still seem scare)

From that day it would take a long time for Thor to feel comfortable again with leaving your side, he want to stay by your side all the time, or at least keep you in his range of vision and he becomes pretty protective and wary of whoever gets near you. He just want for you to feel safe and comfortable again, he doesn't want for you to fear of being attacked again

However, even when his reaction afterwards is pretty bad it would vary depending on how much it affected you, like if you still seem really scare he won't leave your side at any moment, but if you seem to be handling it well he will be more calm about it and wont take him long to let you be alone again

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bearsbeetsbeskar · 5 months

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Sheep Days with Joel (post outbreak)

Word count: 5.9k (im so sorry i genuinely can't believe I wrote this much about an old man taking care of livestock) Rating: swearing, descriptions of an animal birth (I tried to make it not too gross or explicit), traumatic animal birth, discussions of labour and stillbirths Summary: At Tommy and Ellie's insistence of him finding a routine, Joel is appointed as the sheep caretaker in Jackson. After all, sheep are quiet, and do what they're told. How hard could it be? A/N: this is purely self indulgent, peepaw playing with animals. No romantic interest or pairing, just wholesome father daughter interactions, along with some other characters. Something about the holidays made me think about that conversation that Joel and Ellie had over the fire, and his dream of owning a sheep ranch, and before I knew it 5k was written. If you have read all of this, please know that I love you so incredibly much and you make it worth it to keep writing these silly little stories that bring me so much joy. main masterlist

Life in Jackson had a way of moving at the speed of molasses, while also propelling itself further into the future at the speed of light.

Some days were syrupy and slow, thick with palpable moments of survival, tension and freedom. Memories of what life was like before the outbreak. Other days however felt like the course of an electric current, with glitches and shocks jumping from one event to another, one threat to another in the span of a few hours in a day. Attacks from raiders during ambushes in the early morning, a group of coordinated clickers just outside patrol borders when dusk set in.

Even just the day to day events in Jackson could make one feel that life seemed to pass by at a static, yet dynamic pace, regardless of what routine you had fallen into in the modest settlement.

Joel was still getting used to it. The staticity, as well as the dynamism. Life before Jackson was nomadic. Rootless. Constantly on the run.

Endure and survive. That’s all that really mattered at the end of the day. The words bore a penultimate weight akin to the wartime motivational phrase, ‘keep calm and carry on.’

Well, that’s all Joel knew how to do.

Carry on.

Not so much the keep calm part, but he was no stranger to putting his head down and pressing forward when things got tough. Carrying on also meant being strong for others. Something which Joel is constantly reminded that he need no longer do now that he and Ellie are in Jackson. Now that they are safe.

And there is no shortage of people who tell him the same, including Tommy and Maria, and even Ellie.

“You gotta find something to do, man,” Tommy sighed and crossed his arms, leaning into the doorframe of the kitchen. “Something to help you get into a routine y’know.”

Joel glared at his younger brother. “The hell d’you mean I gotta find something, Tommy? I already have a routine.” He scowled and shifted his jaw.

This is the 3rd or 4th time the subject has been brought up and Joel’s just about had it. He doesn’t get it. He does things. He does stuff around the commune. He goes on patrol shifts, helps with the woodworking and labour jobs. He goes to some of the community events, like game nights held at the dining hall or movie nights- even though it takes a good 30 minutes of Ellie’s begging for his resolve to crumble, and he grumbles throughout the entire movie.

As if Tommy can read his mind, he responds. “Going on patrol doesn’t count as routine, Joel.”

Puffing out his chest and mirroring Tommy’s body language, Joel glares at his younger brother.

“And here we go again,” Ellie quips from her seat at the kitchen table.

There’s a smirk plastered across her face despite her gaze, focused intently on the weathered pages of an old astronomy book.

“You stay outta this.”

Joel’s clipped tone brokers no room for negotiation, Ellie’s known him long enough to recognize that. But that doesn’t stop her from pushing him, just because she can.

“You stay outta this. Rah rah rah. I’m Joel and I hate everything.” She mocks his deep southern drawl with exaggeration, continuing to look down at her book.

“Tommy’s right, Joel. Say whatever you want but you can’t just fill your days with the odd jobs around here. And going on patrol. And hanging with me.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Joel exhales, his nostrils flaring. “Ellie-”

“Look, dude,” she cuts him off, “I love you, but it wouldn’t kill you to find something else to do with your time. It’s not the end of the world. I mean, it is but c’mon. It’s like you’d rather get killed by a fucking clicker than step outside your comfort zone.”

At that, Tommy snorts and shakes his head.

“It’d be a hell of a lot less painful than this conversation, that’s for fuckin’ sure.” Joel huffs and puts his hands on his hips.

“There’s lots of other jobs in the commune that you could help out with. Jobs that you don’t even need skilled labour experience for.”

“Like what, Tommy? Teachers at the school? Volunteers for movie night?” His scowl deepens, as does the crease between Joel’s brows.

“Like training newcomers on patrol shifts, working at the clothing shop, working with the livestock-”

“Livestock? What kinda livestock?” Perking up in her seat, Ellie pushes the book away and turns to face Tommy.

“Just for the horses, chicken, sheep and pigs. Well, it’s really for the sheep ‘cause we came into a decent sized herd in the last couple months, and they’re a bit tricky to look after.”

Tommy runs his hands through his raven curls and chuckles. “No one’s been able to quite figure them out yet, and they don’t trust Jake- the caretaker for the horses and pigs.”

“Sheep?” Ellie’s mouth gapes open, her bright mischievous eyes finding Joel’s.

“Joel. Sheep.”

Already knowing where the conversation was headed, Joel tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”

__________________________________________________

And that is precisely how Joel finds himself knocked on his ass, after getting headbutted by one of the older lambs, in an attempt to get their halter on and bring them into the barn.

“You little shit, get back here!” he barks at the young sheep as it trots away from him towards the food trough.

Rubbing the right side of his jaw and grimacing, he sits back on his hands, looking at the rest of the herd a few feet away from him. “I’ve a right mind to tell them to serve lamb for the rest of the month at the dining hall. How’s that sound?”

A few sheep at the hay bale turn to look his way, chewing absentmindedly before ignoring him again. It had been about ten days since Tommy enlisted Joel as the sheep caretaker, or as Ellie had so lovingly called him, Jackson’s resident shepherd, and Joel had to admit, the job wasn’t half of what he expected.

It turns out sheep weren’t quiet, and they certainly didn’t do what they were told. Sheep were actually a pain in the ass to keep. A royal pain in the ass. Much different than cows and horses, despite being herd animals.

Not to mention that they were creative, escape artists, always jumping over the fence of the pen or squeezing in between the slats of the fence. It was a regular occurrence to hear the phrase ‘loose sheep’ or ‘the sheep are out again’ being hollered across the main street, as a handful of them skittered across the main road, Joel out of breath as he jogged after them, the stitch in his side burning through his abdomen, while he knees ached incessantly.

His first week was spent just getting close enough to them so that he could tag their ears for the breeding records. Not that he could manage to even get a hand on any, especially the young lambs. As soon as he got within 8 feet of the herd they would scurry away, kicking and bucking into the air, or run right past him, as he keeled over trying to catch them. Needless to say, Joel didn’t manage to avoid getting headbutted and kicked a handful of times during those days.

Cursing, he dusted off his pants and leaned against the fence of the pen.

“How’s it coming?” Tommy’s voice called out to him from the opposite end of the pen.

Narrowing his eyes in response, Joel hunched over to rest his hands on his knees.

“Easy my fuckin’ ass you liar. These little shits are demons.”

Stifling a chuckle, Tommy rests his arms over the fence and looks down. “Like I said, it takes some time to get to know ‘em.

It was wrong to laugh at his brother’s misfortunes but he couldn’t help it as he watched Joel’s hulking figure tentatively approach the herd again before pausing as they all scattered around him.

“S’that why you haven’t been able to recruit any other unfortunate souls for this torture?” Placing his hands on his hips, he shifts his weight from one leg, appraising the herd.

“No,” Tommy huffs out an exhale, “most folks don’t have the time to commit or they don’t have an affinity for animals.”

He looks out at the horizon, scanning the snow covered peaks of the mountain range bordering the settlement, before his gaze returns to Joel. He smirks as that familiar scowl settles onto Joel’s face.

“I do not have an affinity for animals.”

Snorting, Tommy looks down at his feet again, nudging the toe of his boot into the hardened ground. “Is that so? That why no one else has been able to ride Callus out on patrol?”

Joel grunts. “That’s different. I wasn’t taking care of him, I was only riding him cause everyone else had their designated mounts.”

Lying through his teeth was easier than admitting that Joel actually loved having a special bond with the chestnut gelding that seemed to hate everyone else.

It took time.

Lots of hushed murmurs and praise for the gelding to learn to trust again. Not to mention that Joel seemed to have endless patience for the imposing gelding, never getting frustrated with him or upset when their progress seemed to regress. Plus, he had that quiet commanding authority that seemed to ease Callus’ nerves whenever he became frantic and anxious.

Before he knew it, Callus was following him around the paddock, poking his head out of his stall and nickering whenever Joel stepped foot in the barn.

“Whatever you say, Joel. Whatever you say.” The younger Miller shook his head and stepped back from the fence. “I’ll let you get back to it, since you got your hands full,” Tommy squinted and peered around Joel’s figure, “or, rather, your pockets full, I should say.”

Before he can even glance behind him, Joel feels a harsh tug on his back pocket, stumbling backwards as one of the young lambs tears a shred of the bandana in his pocket.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Gimme that back you piece of-” he bellows as the lamb prances away with the scrap of faded red cloth in its mouth, echoes of Tommy’s laugh fading into the background as he walks away.

_____________________________________________

A couple months later …

It had been roughly over a month since Joel started taking care of the sheep. Their upkeep became somewhat easier as Joel figured out their quirks and tricks to working with them, but the real difference was that Joel did indeed fall into a routine with them.

Everyday he got up before Ellie had to be up for school, and headed over to the barn to give them their morning feed. Then, he’d come home, eat breakfast, and walk Ellie to school, shortly before returning to clean their pen and stack hay bales in the barn loft. Sometimes he would even shear some of them when their coats became too thick. At the end of the day, he’d pick Ellie up from school and they’d have dinner together in the evening, then he would pop out again to feed them dinner and do a final night check before lights out.

They were surprisingly curious creatures, and smart. While he would mill about his different chores, they would follow him as he walked around the outskirts of the pen. When he was cleaning up the pen, they would nudge the wheelbarrow, knocking it over in the process.

Eventually, they stopped running from him and would eagerly approach as he walked through the barn into the outside pen, carrying a heavy hay bale for their breakfast or dinner.

When he’d get lost in his aimless thoughts, or stuck on paralyzing flashbacks, a panic attack brewing under the surface, he’d feel a tug on his sleeve or the back of his jacket.

Pairs of deep brown eyes surrounded by a halo of soft cloud like wool would simply stare back at him. Calmly grounding him back to reality. Not that he encountered those very often. What was even more surprising to Joel was that he had panic attacks way less often these days, his brain seeming to allow him some rest and solace from its usual fight or flight status. Even Ellie and Tommy noticed too, with Ellie pointing out that he was ‘less of a grumpy motherfucker than usual.’

He never named them, though. He wouldn’t allow himself that liberty.

They were just animals. Creatures.

Creatures, who in the beginning were ‘little shits with crack for brains and body padding like the Michelin man,’ according to Joel. Soon, however, ‘little shits’ turned into ‘little devils,’ which eventually turned into ‘little buggers,’ with an affectionate lilt behind the nickname.

It was Thursday today and the vet was coming by to look after the horses and give them their seasonal shots, along with the sheep, too. With temperatures dropping, the animals had to be prepared for the harsh onslaught of cold weather that was native to Jackson winters. Although the commune was prosperous and there was no shortage of food and supply, or need to ration, the animals were always of high concern.

“How much are you feeding them nowadays?” Dr. Joyce, the local vet, asked as she placed her stethoscope to the belly of one of the mature ewe’s.

“‘Bout 25 pounds of hay a day, and 15-20 pounds of grain on top of that.”

She hummed contemplatively as she shifted the stethoscope knob throughout the mass of wool covering the sheeps’ belly. “That’s quite a bit considering the size of the herd you have here.”

She nods to the rest of the herd munching away at their breakfast in the pen.

Joel shrugs in response. “That’s what Jake was feeding them beforehand but he suggested I up it as we come into winter, to help ‘em keep weight on.”

“Well, he’s certainly not wrong.” She reaches into her kit to pull out a packaged syringe, ripping open the wrapping and flicking the end of the needle two times. Small droplets of liquid ricochet out as she pinches the skin of the ewe’s neck, not covered in wool, and gently inserts the syringe.

“Is there anything else I should be doing? Or anything else I could do to help them more when winter hits?”

While Joel would admit that he still really has no idea what he’s doing taking care of these animals, it doesn’t mean that he won’t give his all in providing care to them. He’s come to realize he actually likes learning about the sheep, aspects of their care, behaviour and physiology. It scratches parts of his brain that were only really activated when he was contracting, woodworking, or other technical jobs. And he doesn’t half ass jobs, no matter the nature of them.

Dr. Joyce swiftly removes the needle within seconds, and smiles warmly at him.

“Nothing in particular, Joel. You’ve done a great job taking care of these guys so far, I know they’re not easy to look after.”

At that he chuckles and shoves his hands in his pockets as he leans against the stall door. “You could say that. There’s been a deep learning curve with ‘em that’s for sure.”

She nods and opens the back stall door that leads out to the pen, the ewe trots out to return to the herd. “Well, like I said, you’ve done a good job so far. Aside from keeping up with shearing them, although you won’t have to worry about that too much come winter, they’re pretty low maintenance. Keep them on lots of hay throughout the winter, and give them more grain to supplement for the colder weather. And some of them may need more than others, especially the pregnant ones.”

He nods along, running through the mental checklist of things he’s already been doing to increase their food supply, when he looks up at the vet.

“Pregnant?” His brows furrow and he frowns.

“Oh boy. I guess Jake left that part out when you took over?” The vet chuckles again as she takes in the dazed look on his face and scans the herd briefly.

“You do have a couple pregnant ewe’s here, probably at least 3 or 4. But that one,” she points to a particularly large sheep under the shelter that’s lying down, unkempt wool and hay covering half her face. “That one, 1633, she’s the furthest along. Probably another week or two before she pops.”

“A week?” Joel repeats it, disbelief still laced in his tone. “Shit, I thought she was just really fat. And lazy.” He narrows his gaze at the ewe, tilting his head slightly as he takes in the obvious rising and falling of her midsection, her legs barely tucked underneath her.

“Don’t worry, Joel, I know easier said than done,” she reassures him after clocking the worry etched into his features. “But sheep births are often fairly quick and easy, not as intense as horse or cow births due to their smaller size. I’ll be on call over the next week in case anything happens but just put more bedding in the stall here during the evenings for her, and keep her feed the same. She will handle the rest.”

Inhaling sharply, Joel nods, processing it all. She tells him what signs to look out for that indicate early labour, and gives him a brief list of things he can do to prepare, as well as supplies that could be helpful during the birth and afterwards. At least the doc will be there to help out so that he’s not completely on his own, despite being very out of his league.

“Sounds good, doc, I’ll call ya if I notice any changes in her or when she does drop.”

“Please, do. And I’ll see if Jake can come in for an hour or two during your off hours in the event she does go into labour then.”

__________________________________________

Three days after Dr. Joyce’s visit, 1633 goes into labour. Nearly 10pm, just as the settlement tucks in for bed and night shift patrols begin. Dr. Joyce was busy with another animal emergency, of course. Just his luck.

So, he recruits the next best thing, and gently wakes Ellie up after rushing back to the house after a night check. He hands Ellie the list of supplies that Dr. Joyce gave him and she blitzes throughout the house, gathering the different things in a box.

Of course, the curiosity, fear and excitement over an animal being born was not lost on his teenage daughter. She fired off a barrage of endless questions as she was right on his heels, following him throughout the house.

“Has her water broken? Is she in pain? What direction is the baby gonna be facing when it comes out? Did you call Dr. Joyce?”

“You bleat more than the damn sheep these days, y’know that? C’mon just get that stuff together for me.”

Joel huffs as he grabs a bucket from under the kitchen sink, thinking of what else he could grab. It had to be the night when Tommy and Maria were both out on patrol as well, leaving just him and Ellie.

God help him.

When they returned to the barn, the ewe was in the stall, lying on her side, bleating out her obvious discomfort. He quickly takes his thick jacket off, hanging it on a nearby post before stepping into the stall.

“Alright, honey, alright, it’s okay.” The low murmurs of his voice only seem to agitate the ewe more, as she bleats repeatedly while he approaches and crouches down beside her. His eyes never leave the ewe’s body.

“Ellie, hand me a couple big towels.” She reaches into the box of supplies and hands him two fluffy towels, crouching down beside Joel slowly. The ewe continues to let out loud long bleating groans, huffing as her body starts preparing for labour and her water breaks with an audible slosh.

“Shit. Well, there goes her water.” He huffs, his mouth pressed into a straight line as he tries to peek and see any signs of a muzzle or cloven hooves coming out.

Gagging and turning away slightly, Ellie groans.

“Ugh, okay that’s fucking gross!”

He gives her a disapproving frown. “You’ve seen worse before, calm down.”

“A clicker brain and exploding guts is not nearly as gross as this. How are you not freaking out?

Suddenly, the ewe lets out a long bleating groan again and thrashes her hind legs, in an attempt to get up frantically.

“Shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa, mama. Easy there. Y’can’t get up just yet.” He hovers over the sheep and tries to coax her back on the ground.

“Ellie, come around here, help me keep her on her side.”

She shuffles around to Joel’s other side and buries her hand into the soft thick wool, gently pressing down. “Have you ever done this before?”

Joel grunts while he tries to contain its flailing legs, preventing the ewe from rolling over or getting up.

“Nope,” he strains. “I’ve seen one or two cow births, long time ago when I was growing up in Texas.”

“Shouldn’t be too different,” he says breathlessly, saying a silent prayer as he pulls the sheep away from kicking at the stone wall of the barn. “As long as she stays on the ground like this, she should be okay, she can’t get up or roll over though ‘cause it could hurt or suffocate the baby.”

“Okay, okay,” Ellie exhales shakily, wincing as the sheep bleats loudly.

“Hey,” he turns to gaze down at the teenager, his voice quiet but authoritative. “It’s gonna be okay, look at me.” Her dazed gaze snaps from the ewe up to meet Joel’s big brown eyes. Anxious. Focused. “It’s gonna be okay alright? She’s gonna be okay?”

Ellie nods her head, the hint of a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth as she looks down at the ewe again. “It’s okay, momma, you’re okay, just breathe.”

No later than 5 minutes after do a pair of hooves and a muzzle appear. Ten minutes of pushing after that, the tiny lamb is lying sprawled out on the ground, Joel rubbing the remnants of placenta off its body and face.

“Joel.”

It’s barely above a whisper as Ellie hovers over the baby, crouched on the balls of her toes.

“Joel. It’s - it’s not breathing.”

She inhales sharply and leans her head over the mouth, trying to feel or hear for a puff of air.

He’s silent for a moment, and leans back looking at the tiny body covered in bodily fluids, and realizes there’s no movement coming from the lifeless body. No rising of its stomach, and its eyes are barely opened.

All of a sudden the vastness of the chilly barn shrinks to the size of a shoebox. The air suffocating, as if all the oxygen was sucked out of it.

“Fuck. Fuck. Get me another towel.”

Rushing over to the box of supplies, Ellie hands him a smaller towel, as Joel leans down and wipes at the lamb's eyes, and around its nostrils. He tries to open its mouth to see if there’s any fluid trapped there but he can’t see.

“Get the baster. Hurry.” His clipped tone betrays his panic as Ellie places their turkey baster in his hand.

It’s a poor substitution for an actual proper bulb syringe that is used to remove mucus and fluid from newborns’ mouths. He opens the lamb's mouth and inserts the baster roughly, pressing down on the bulb, as murky liquid is drawn through the clear pipette. He squirts the remnants of the baster out onto the ground and reinserts it into the lambs mouth, drawing more mucus and crap out a few more times until it’s empty.

They both wait a beat, panting heavily to see any sign of life on the little sheep.

“She’s still not breathing. Fuck.” Ellie’s voice trembles. “She’s not breathing, Joel!”

“Okay, go into the feedroom and fill up the hot water bottle with warm water okay? Warm water, not hot, I’ll try to swaddle it in more towels, get some heat going.”

Immediately, she races to the feedroom with the rubber water bottle. As Joel hears the water running in the background, he wraps the lamb in two big towels. The ewe is now up and pacing frantically around Joel, sensing something is wrong.

“C’mon baby, c’mon,” he rubs the covered lamb firmly, pressing his palm down slightly against the ribs and chest of the baby and shaking slightly. Nothing though, no sounds, no movement.

The ewe is now crying and bleating repeatedly as she paces circles around Joel, wanting to get to her baby. “I know, momma, I know. I’m trying. Fucking hell.”

The edges of his restraint and control start to fray. His heart is racing, chest tightening under the crushing realization that the lamb is a stillborn. He cradles the lamb, swaddled in a mountain of towels now, squeezing his eyes shut and holding the tiny limp weight against his body.

Moments later Ellie reappears at his side, sinking to her knees with the water bottle in both hands, the sloshing sound of the water drowning out the ewe’s crying.

Joel opens the folds of towels up so that she can place the flimsy warm pouch over top of the lambs side. Wrapping it up like a burrito again, he holds it up against his chest as if he was holding a baby, firmly patting and rubbing the little lump in his arms. Ellie fruitlessly tries to calm down the mother ewe but it’s no use as she continues to trot circles around Joel, weaving back and forth and trying to nose the little lump in his arms.

He places the swaddled lamb on the ground, into the cushioned nest of shavings and straw bedding. Hovering over it on all fours, he places his palm over the swaddle again, applying pressure to the lambs back and rubbing circles, while opening its mouth with his other hand.

“C’mon, little one, c’mon. Gimme something, c’mon. Please.” Joel leans down, his lips pressing against the towel as he murmurs. The sound of his warm, deep voice breaking is barely muffled by the damp fabric as he squeezes his eyes shut. Another set of warm, small, clammy hands overlap his, as Ellie kneels beside him.

They huddle together over the lamb for another minute or two, the soft swishing of straw and shavings strewn about as the ewe continues pacing is the only audibly sound. Her cries for help softened to brief bleating.

Ellie intertwines her fingers with Joel, squeezing tight as she let’s out a quiet sniffle.

Then, a muffled sound. The smallest hiccup.

“Joel.” She whispers and squeezes his hand again.

“Joel, look.”

He raises his head slowly, holding his breath as he hears the small noise again, before he carefully unwraps the swaddled material. He cautiously rubs the lambs back again, as they watch as its bleary eyes blink open, slowly but surely. It raises its head ever so slightly, dazed, before letting out the smallest bleat.

Choking out the breath that he had been holding in, Joel rushes to wipe around the lamb’s eyes and mouth again. “There she is. Hey little one,” he coos at the small animal, afraid to speak above a hushed tone.

“Holy shit.” Ellie huffs in disbelief with tears in her eyes. “Dude, you fucking did it! Oh my god, look at her!”

She clutches the sleeve of Joel’s shirt, exhilarated and bouncing with adrenaline. “Do you think it’s a girl?”

Smiling to himself, he shakes his head, “not sure, but it doesn’t matter, s’long as it’s healthy. Right, little one?” He slowly strokes the lamb as it starts bleating with more fervor, when he feels a bigger muzzle shoving his hand out of the way .

“There ya go momma, there she is.”

He gets up, ignoring the groaning protest from his knees and steps back so that the ewe can see her baby, gesturing for Ellie to follow.

“Here, Let’s give ‘em some space to breathe. Go grab the space heater and we’ll get ‘em nice and warm.”

Shooting to her feet, she scurries back to the supply room to retrieve the heater. Joel sits back against one of the stall walls, his head tipping back till it hits the wooden slats with a dull thunk as he takes the deepest breath he’s taken all day. The adrenaline is still coursing through his veins but he feels fucking exhausted all the same. Defeated but elated, he watches the mom lick and nudge the little lamb, before a voice rings out from behind him.

“Well, well, well, looks like we got a full house in here tonight!”

Joel turns to see Dr. Joyce striding through the aisle, a bright twinkle in her eye as she stops in front of the large stall, already stretching a pair of latex gloves over her hands.

The corners of his mouth pull up into a small smile as he nods in her direction. “Hey doc, how’s it going?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” she chuckles with warmth, shimmying around the stall door slowly. “You’ve had quite the night from what I can tell. I saw the lights on at this hour and I could only assume it had finally happened.”

Snorting, he crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s one way of putting it.” He nods his chin as Ellie returns with the space heater in hand, “couldn’t have done it without this one’s help of course.”

Ellie grins and hands the space heater to Joel. “If I’m being honest, it was probably one of the coolest and scariest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Especially when she wasn’t breathing. But it was all Joel, really. He brought her back, I just tried not to get in his way.”

Rounding Joel’s other side, Dr. Joyce crosses the stall and crouches down and pulls out her stethoscope, winking at Ellie. “Is that so? Do I sense a future vet tech assistant that can help me with house calls?”

“Shit. Are you serious?” The teenager’s eyes nearly bug out of her head as a massive smile stretches across her face. “That would be fucking awesome!”

Joel doesn’t even have the energy to reprimand her for swearing, his mind and body drained as he snorts and shakes his head.

“Hey! Is there room for two more at this welcoming party?!” Another booming voice echoes throughout the large stone barn, similar in its Southern drawl to Joel’s but not as deep.

Tommy and Maria round the corner with huge smiles, still in their riding clothes, fresh off the night patrol.

“Just so long as y’all can keep quiet.” Joel grumbles, still sat leaning against the stall wall with his arms crossed, legs kicked out from underneath him. He looks over at the scene in front of him, warmth etched into his features as he watches Dr. Joyce check the lambs vitals while the ewe finally starts to munch on hay again.

“We couldn’t believe it, we had to come right away. Hell, I had half a mind to cut the patrol short when we found out.” Maria nods at Joel with a smirk. She glances over to the little sheep who has started to stand on all fours and nurse from its mom, wobbling on its nimble legs.

“What’s the verdict Dr. Joyce?” Tommy sidles over to Joel, crouching down beside him and grinning. “All working organs? All ten fingers and ten toes?”

Joel sighs gruffly. “They’re hooves, not toes, genius. Jeez, you sure you’re expecting soon?”

Maria only smirks in response as Tommy mumbles and shoves his older brother in response.

“Everything’s in order Joel, don’t worry.” Dr. Joyce smiles, taking one ear bud out of her ear as she continues to check the lambs pulse. “Her oxygen levels seem good, despite the rocky start and her lungs are clear of fluids, and she’s warm. You couldn’t have done a better job, really, you should be proud of yourself.”

He tries to hide his beaming smile he really does, but Joel grins. His bright eyes crinkle and his dimple pokes through his right cheek. “Thanks doc. I appreciate ya comin’ over here as soon as you could.”

“Her?” Ellie’s eyes widen as she clasps her hands together. “So it is a girl?!”

“Yup, definitely a girl.”

“Think she deserves a name, don’t you?” Tommy nudges Joel in the arm again.

Joel’s smile falters immediately. He shakes his head and looks down. “No. I don’t name ‘em, besides it’ll only be a couple of days before she’s gotta get tagged and registered in the breeding books too.”

“Oh come on Joel, please? She deserves one. After everything she’s been through…” Ellie’s voice trails off.

Everything they had been through. She doesn’t need to say it for him to know.

When she doesn’t keep going he looks up at her. Her eyes pleading, welling up with fragments of the pain and haunted memories that they endured over the last year.

He looks at Tommy and Maria, his eyes then falling on Dr. Joyce as she tends to the lamb.

“Ellie’s right Joel. I know y’all don’t normally give them names, especially the young ones, but given the circumstances, this little lady oughta have a name.” The vets eyes are soft as she gives Joel a sympathetic smile.

He’s silent for a moment, shifting his jaw. His gaze drops to the tiny lamb, white as snow, now that she’s been towel dried and cleaned, listening to her tiny bleats as she headbuts her mom for more milk. Instantly, his gaze softens, his big eyes rounding at the newborn.

New life.

A breath of fresh air into the looming hollowness of the barn. A pulse. An electric current, melding into a comfortable, viscous, energy as Jackson’s population, well four-legged population, increases for another day.

Sighing, he tilts his head in adoration. Filtering through the vestiges of his memory, he thinks back to the conversation that prompted this whole sheep herding fiasco. Him, Ellie, their tiny fire amongst the vast expanse of snow covered country, with nothing but the moon overhead. The comforting solace provided by its glowing illumination, letting them know they weren’t alone in their travels.

“Well, she is a bright light, figuratively and literally,” he peeks his head out of the stall to find the moon, beaming down on the tiny settlement, before glancing down at the lamb again.

“How does Luna sound?”

In that moment, the lamb trots over to Joel on its spindly legs, getting braver by the minutes after its birth. She bleats in his face loudly and headbutts his arm affectionately before circling back to her mom, stumbling over herself in the process.

“Well I’ll be damned, I think she likes it.” Tommy chuckles as Maria comes to stand beside him.

Ellie snuggles up to Joel, her eyes starting to close as the evening's events catch up to her. “It’s perfect,” she yawns and nuzzles into his broad shoulder, “our little Luna.”

Luna approaches Joel with more curiosity again, as he stretches his hand out towards her, letting her sniff and lick him.

Despite everything that happened, the chaos, the panic, and near crisis with his first lamb birth, for the first time in a while, Joel feels whole. Fulfilled. Right where he's supposed to be, in this new world, this new life.

Rooted.

A lopsided smile stretches across his face, as his dimple pokes through his cheek. “Yeah, I suppose it is. Our little light, Luna.”

#joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller fanfic #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fluff

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creekfiend · 5 months

Note

Howdy, so Ive got a questions.

I was one of the lucky few mentally ill kids who didn't have a horrific experience with institutionalization, and there's definitely a lot more going on under the hood of my mind than is on any kind of record that i haven't brought to any sort of doctor for fear that i will be denied any sort of recourse in my own life (Autism, CPTSD and suspected BPD). I say this to let you know I'm being genuine in my questioning despite being behind anon.

I saw a post in which it's stated that mental illness as an industry and field of study is meant to pathologize "normal" reactions to capitalism and systemic tragedies, but like. Capitalism didn't make me autistic, or traumatize me, or neglect me into developing a disorder. I agree wholeheartedly that mental illnesses can be developed in response to circumstances outside of someone's control, but i can't in good conscience sit here, remembering a time when i was sat up in bed at 2 am having a psychotic break, convinced that i was still dreaming and that there was something after me as i sob and convulsed in terror and say in good conscience that people who have to experience that sort of terror every day don't need some sort of means to help them maintain some semblance of a life.

I say this because the posts ive been taking issue with are classing the very concept of psychology as a field of study and medicine as an inherent moral evil on the basis of stigma and ableism being prominent in the field. And while i again, wholeheartedly agree that stigma and ableism colors much of psychology, i can't help but see exactly how much good it COULD do should stigma and ableism be removed completely from the equation. Replace biases and preconceived notions with a basis of compassion and understanding, if you will.

Is this a movement that denounces the entire study of mental health and the treatment of it as degrading and immoral by nature? If so, what does the antipsych movement have in mind as a means of helping those in mental distress without a means to examine and classify different types of mental distress? Am i misunderstanding the gist of these concepts? Is there some sort of contingency to deal with those of us with uglier manifestations of mental health to put it lightly? For those whose mental health would absolutely benefit from being placed somewhere safe with other like-minded people for a time, is there any room for such a thing as a treatment, so long as it's voluntary, like an actual hospital treating an illness instead of a prison housing criminals?

I just. Want to understand, because the understanding I'm currently getting is distressing to me, as i initially thought antipsych as a "treat nuerodivergent people like normal actual people and also abolish the use of mental institutions in their current, oppressive form", as opposed to those who seem to be saying (and please, genuinely, correct me if I'm misinterpreting this) to abolish the study of psychology altogether.

if you read the contents of my tag and you still think that this is a relevant question I don't know what to tell you

...

I simply don't im sorry

#i think there is something much more basic that is not connecting for you than this #i am not trying to be mean. but literally no one js claiming that capitalism invented mental illness or psychosis or acute distress.#like youre asking me to explain a position which simply is not present in the literature that i have provided.

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thesockghost · 5 months

Text

Earth feels a bit odd in the sun and moon show…

A side from the gender obvious difference with her being one of the three girls on the show (earth Pollux and nebula) she seems a bit….misplaced so to say…..im not saying that she’s weird or bad or anything, I love earth in all her Barbie loving glory! But….she just feels odd……and I think I know why that is.

Earth doesn’t know true suffering.

She HAS suffered, but she doesn’t know what it’s like for your life to truly be a living hell.

Everyone else on the show is there because of suffering, and is in this mess because they wanted to find some way to escape it.

Sun and moon? Separated because of the suffering they had while together. Eclipse? Is constantly hunting for the star in hopes that he can make a life where he’ll never be alone or uncounted for again. Lunar? Helped eclipse take over the channel in hopes of a happy life as a family with eclipse. After that? helped sun and moon take down eclipse for the same reason. Even solar. While you might think that the reason he fits in so well is because he’s basically just a redeemed eclipse, and while that probably contributed to that, the whole reason he came there was to escape his moon and live a happier life.

All of these people have been promised a happier life, but ended up in a worse situation then before.

And you may be wondering “but what does this have to do with earth?”

She was never there because of suffering. She just came there because her dad told her to.

And you might be saying “oh but earth probably suffered when she was with the creator!” But you forget WHY she’s so sensitive about him. (Well one because of forgor) but secondly because she’s actually been treated pretty well. We’ve seen how much of a master manipulator the creator is, and if he’s smart, then he’d probably know that mistreating earth will only lead to problems. So what does he do? He keeps her happy and safe and most importantly, naïve.

So I think that the reason why earth sticks out like a sore thumb is because she doesn’t know what it’s like to suffer (well at least suffer to the s.a.m.s standard.) she was given everything on a Silver platter right up until she went to go live with sun and moon. AND EVEN THEN SHE HAS THE UPPER HAND IN THIS SITUATION.

She was programmed with therapy stuff in mental health HELL. So it’s odd to see her handle such traumatic situations so well, when we’ve gotten so used to seeing characters completely break when something terrible happens. And I’m not jumping on the “earth is a marry sue” train, she’s definitely had her idiotic and dicky moments. But the fact that she Handels it all so well ironically makes her the most robotic in the show.

So basically what I’m trying to say is that while the other characters have been to hell and back and still show scars from it, earth was basically given a “get out of jail free card” and actually knows how to deal with that kinda shit, and is almost the exact same personality wise as the day she debuted.

#sun and moon show spoilers #sun and moon show #s.a.m.s earth #s.a.m.s #l.a.e.s #sun and moon show lunar #sun and moon show sun #sun and moon show eclipse #sun and moon show moon #sun and moon show earth #sun and moon show solar #I can’t believe I just wrote an entire paragraph on a fictional character’s psyche #still love her tho #also if you’re reading this random person who followed me #I’m sorry for clogging up your notifications with rants about an obscure show that you’ve probably never even heard of

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augustrambles · 1 year

Text

DAY 2, TWEEK TWEAK, fluff alphabet

Requested

A -> Affection; how they like to show their love.

tweek shows his love by gifts. if its coffee or handmade drawings which usually turn out as if they were drawn by a two year old, but im sure you still love them. while he freaks out in case you dont like one of his gifts or you're getting sick of them, your smile makes it all worth it

B -> Beauty; what do they especially admire about you?

confidence, even if its not about yourself, just you hugging him tightly in public without being ashamed just gives him butterflies, the slightest amount of confidence makes him smile.

C -> Cuddles; how they like to cuddle you.

little spoon. i dont make the rules, he loves when you spoon him, its just something about you hugging him from behind that makes him smile, he luvs it

D -> Dancing; their favourite place to dance with you.

home, he doesnt dance much, but if you ever ask him to dance, he'd say yes. so at home isnt his favourite place, just his preferred place, again he doesnt like to dance much

E -> Excitement; do they get excited with you about things?

yes, sometimes, he gets excited and nervous at the same time if you guys have a date the day after or if you guys are going to meet the others parents, he gets excited just thinking hes going to see you the next day!

F -> First Date; your first date together.

i feel like it would be a movie date, at your house, watching a horror movie and then cuddling together would be your first date with tweek. eating popcorn while hugging eachother wrapped around in one of tweek's blankets

G -> Goals; i have no idea for G, im sorry

H -> Honesty; how open are they with you?

very! depending of course, if he'll get in trouble for telling you something, he'd get a bit nervous before saying it, but at some point he would tell you, beside that, he tells you everything

I -> I Love You; do they say it a lot? did they say it first?

you defs say it first, this man needs a lot of reassurance on saying "i love you" in the first few weeks. he thinks that you'll think he's being too rushed or whatever, but after he feels like he can say ily without being judged, he says it quite frequently especially in hello's and goodbye's

J -> Jealousy; do they get jealous?

yep, he doesnt get really mad neither does he get really sad, just insecure about himself, but a little bit of reassurance can make him get all better!!

K -> Kiss; their favourite place to kiss you.

not much of a kisser, but probably on the lips, he likes giving you little pecks as a goodbye kiss, gets really blushy and just.. butterflies.

L -> Little Spoon; who’s the little spoon?

gee i wonder

M -> Melody; what’s your song together?

i/me/myself by will wood , you'd introduce him to the song and he LOVES it! so now one of you guys can just be hearing it and go "hey thats our song"

N -> Nicknames; do they use nicknames for you?

not much, probably basic nicknames though or just a version of your name. usually just calls you by your name though

O -> Open Book; how hard was it to get to know them?

depends on what. he talks about his feelings and emotions so if its about that he's pretty open, has his flaws here and there but you know. if its about something personal that happened like a traumatic event, he'd take a longer time to open up about it.

P -> PDA; how affectionate they are in public.

holding hands and thats all he can do, key word: he. he allows you to give him kisses or hugs but he wont start them, too much pressure, pun intended

Q -> Quirk: a loveable trait of theirs.

how much he worries over you even if you're safe

R -> Romance; how romantic are they?

in the middle, he isnt too romantic like asking you on dates frequently but neither is he not romantic, to where he doensnt do much.

S -> Secrets; do they keep secrets from you?

again, like in O, he keeps secrets depending in the subject. at some point he'll tell you though

T -> Thrill; do they like to keep the relationship new and exciting?

not really, the relationship just moves on, it doesnt get boring because, this is south park.. nothing gets boring. but you and his relationship is full of love and you both believe it'll stay like that

U -> Understanding; how they comfort/support when you’re upset or anxious.

not the best comforter, but does try to stay calm himself when comforting others and especially you!! lots of hugs and affection

V -> Vexed; how easily they lose their temper.

he doesnt get mad over small things, (he does im in denial) but if he ever does he takes it out on other things like boxing, while maybe he could yell at you for things, ofc w a well done apology later, he wont insult you or take it too far. probs just "WHY DID YOU DO THAT??" and pulls his hair out twitching

W -> Weakness; what’s their weakness when it comes to you?

"tweek, calm down, i'm here for you, alright?" basically, comforting.

X -> Xtra; random hc about them.

hes a pain to sleep with (not in that way you sick perverts), he either hogs the blanket or kicks you, its a win for heavy sleepers

Y -> Years to Come; how they imagine your future together.

i dont ger this???, he images marriage then kids what else i dont think he creates fake scenarios to arms tonite by mother mother imagining him in the afterlife while you're crying over him and you and his 2year old kid repeating "wheres papa" while he tries to escape the after life and after that the song ends and francis forever plays and hes saying "i dont know what to do without you"

what im basically saying he creates fake scenarios of future hypothetical events that might happen but he wants to marry you basically

what kind of self insert is this

Z -> Zzz; how they are when they sleep.

like i said in X, hes a blanket hog and kicks in his sleep, you have to put him down for him to stay still

#south park #south park x reader #south park x y/n #sp tweek #tweek tweak #tweek south park #tweek x reader #tweek x y/n #augustrambles rambles 😈

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cogbreath · 4 months

Text

obviously im in a state of bejng brutally honest with u guys so yeahb but would you guys be okay if my alters who r technically introjects of 9/11 hijackers wanted to meet you guys/be open??? like tbeyre nice guys.

the one specifically that wants to be open is ziad. mohamed he doesn't particularly care about that prospect but i do think he could benefit from the opportunity. neither of them exist because of the fact i idolize the hijackers or condone their actions or anything, they exist obviously due to circumstance, me splitting whilst in the middle of my 9/11 investigation fixation.

ziad in particular he is really nervous because what people would think, and hes also a practicing muslim like me and he's afraid of the islamophobia, like he says the situation of who he is does not look good at all and would give many ppl a reson to want to hurt him and the rest of us by proxy ans so we previously agreed to pretend to everyone like he and mohamed dont exist and they jsut fronted stealth mode pretending they are me but ziad wants to be himself. idk do u guys think its a good idea or bad idea. i want to be safe i dont want to give anyone an excuse to try to hurt us, and plus i also feel like ppl pretend to be okay about "problematic" introjects? like i feel that deep down ppl seem to think that they exist because the system/someone in the system idolizes feels positive about what their source is.

like okay i will admit to you that in my studies i feel the hijackers were the target of actual discrimination, which ended up becoming their justification for their actions in their opinions. and while that doesnt excuse or justify what beliefs they went onto hold and the actions they took, i can still recognize, as a muslim myself, that like, damn. the united states is a fucking awful country and i can somewhat (SOMEWHAT) understand how one would come to think that they needed to do what they did. i dont think they are super tragic ppl poor wooby figures who didnt know wtf they were doing. as they were adult men who ultimately shoulda known better. but me learning that stuff plus being traumatized at the exact same time i was learning said things lead to introjects developing.

point is. i dont wanna let them be open if it's under the circumstances that they have to constantly hate themselves publicly and feel bad and apologize on behalf of what happened in regards to their source cuz OBVIOUSLY they didnt fucking actually do that. basically, what do you guys think. can they be open safely and recieve the respect that a non "problematic" introject would get,

or do u think that it would come across to everyone as some sort of insiduous thing and ultimately wouldn't be worth bothering?

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r0-boat · 2 years

Text

Mine

Ingo x gn!reader

Ingo's more possessive than he once was

NSFW below

Ingo's return was sudden but welcomed, he was surprised to see you have been filling in his place for him. He was happy for you and Emmet because it would have been hard, running a Subway with only one boss, and you are doing such a great job.

Ingo was ecstatic to return back to work but his therapist advised him to at least take a month off before going back to work suddenly after a severe traumatic experience. To fill his Subway needs every day he would come and visit Gear Station and hang out with his partner and brother.

However he can't help but notice how popular you were, which wasn't inherently bad he was happy for you truly he was, but...

It was the way other passengers looked at you he couldn't quite explain it their eyes half lit when they listened to you talk, gawking behind them to steal glances.

It wasn't just at the subway either...

Was he always been like this? he doesn't remember. You seem so surprised by his actions.

During one of their shopping trips another shopper casually flirted with you, you laughed it off and turned it down saying that you're already in a relationship but Ingo couldn't help but feel a burn in his chest. It didn't feel like enough his hand grabbed the hips pulling you towards him still looking at the person.

You took him out for ice cream was sitting on a park bench ingo noticed someone looking at you he scoots closer and kisses your neck.

Even his brother wasn't safe you, Ingo noticed that the two of you got along extremely well now, when he saw the two of you having an engaging conversation he walked up behind you wrapping his arms around you, giving your shoulders multiple kisses to hog your attention.

Even the depo agents were completely enamored with you... he has been gone for so long and he left you all alone with so many eyes on you... his chest swelled

Without a second thought, He got up from the bench walking over to you with a smile.

" excuse me boss, I need your attention for a second"

Your eyes light up smiling and nodding as you follow behind ingo.

You didn't think for a second when he walked through a set of doors leading into his old office. Everything was just how he left except it was cleaning and an extra coat and hat hanging on a coat rack.

Your fingers gently touch the desk reminiscing of the past of the past, turning your head after doing the lock click only for Ingo's tounge to taste yours bending you down against the desk slamming both hands on the wood.

Ingo pulls away from your lips giving you hungry look,

" hands and stomach on the desk... I need to reclaim what's mine." He let out a growl that made you shiver you didn't need to be told twice.

He pulled down your pants his rough calloused hands feeling and rubbing your soft bum before

Smack!

You moan was a little too quiet for his liking his other hand grabbing your bottom jaw fingers on your tongue. He leaned his hips forward grinding his straining bulge against your ass

Smack!

Ingo's breath hitches when his name leaves your lips, his hand leaves your stinging bum deciding he wasn't going to punish you further.you heard his belts being fumbled his pants dropping and the wet Strokes of his cock.

That's more like it~ your yells of pleasure will always drive him crazy know how to how much he has changed.

" This ass is mine"

Smack!

" say it! Say that you belong to me!"

Ingo demands and his Warden tone of voice. All you did was moan and whimper at his sudden dominance.

Smack!

"I said, Say it!"

"Ingo! Ingo, im yours only yours, I belong to you,"

Usually his hungry mouth would be on you making you scream but Ingo just wants to be inside of you right now.

He soaked his fingers in saliva as he plays with your hole shallowly thrusting and working it loose for his bigger twitching cock.

"This hole is mine, it belongs to me"

Ingos wet fingers scissoring inside of you felt so good, arcing your back trying to get him deeper while you sucking on the fingers in your mouth.

His teasing fingers are replaced with the head of his hard precum slick cock, he groans slowly working his big dick veiny inside you. He slaps his hand over your mouth as he slams inside of you muffleing your screams. His nails dig into your plush hips driving himself deep into you over and over. The force causes the desk to creek as it moves with ingo's thrusts.

However this isn't enough

"Ah! Hah! Fuck! leg up on the desk please."

You lift on your legs up to rest it on the wood, the new angle was heaven for the two of you.

Ingo was hitting every spot that made you scream Nails digging and clawing into the wood.

The angle was melting control like a hot iron with butter. His cock twitched his balls felt too tight, he needed to cum and he needed it now

"So close my love! Cum! Cum for me! Scream my name, make sure everybody knows that you're mine!"

He yelled pace quickening chasing his high you feel his goatee scratching against your back when he leans forward to sink his teeth into the back of your neck

You jump and spasm "INGO!" Your walls tightened around his cock as you cum.

His eyes roll back following suit pulling out just in time to spill his seed on your bare back.

His chest heaves bathing in the Afterglow, ingo gives you like kisses all over your neck and shoulders. Ingo's possessive fire was quickly replaced by guilt.

" I apologies I... "

You turn your head and kiss him.

" I know... don't be sorry I am yours forever and always, no matter how much time we spend apart it will never change how much I love you"

Ingo smiles hiding his red face by nuzzling into your neck "thank you...i love you too"

#smut #ingo.thirst #possessive ingo go brrrrr #submas smut #pokemon submas #pokemon ingo smut #pokemon warden ingo #warden ingo

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fairy-pd · 2 years

Text

Gabriel May finally finds a healthy coping mechanism - agere hcs

Hurt/comfort, gremlin man gets the love he deserves, GN reader, regressor!reader, sfw, mentions of trauma

MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MAN BABY. I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR. HE STINKS SO BAD G O D

general hcs:

I cannot stress this enough: in this household we support Gabriel's rights and Gabriel's wrongs

In my opinion he was just a really misunderstood and abused kid, who coped with ppl villainizing him constantly by becoming the monster everyone accused him of being

He internalized his traumatic experiences and now believes he's basically the antichrist and that he's incapable of changing

Also he could've not, yknow, killed a bunch of ppl and terrorized his sister for years, he is totally responsible for being a shitty person dont get me wrong

But at the same time, he was a kid. I feel bad for the fact that becoming this vengeful ghost of a person was the best option in his young mind. No child should ever have to make that choice, no kid should even consider that as a choice

He still is, in some ways, mentally a child. He didn't get to experience the milestones for an adult that Emily did, and from day one he was treated like a thing. His inner child is constantly *screaming* at him, begging for attention, but he got pretty good at pushing his feelings down and ignoring his own needs while in pursuit of his goals

He is very very immature because of all this. Think tantrums, having a terrible sense of object permanence, deeply rooted abandonment issues, etc

Even tho Emily managed to lock in that mind??? prison ??? thing??? he still gets out from time to time and that's how he met you: fucking around town while he could

Im not gonna dwelve in too deep as to how you guys started a relationship (romantic or platonic) but now you're the only person he trusts

He is capable of feeling empathy, just not a lot and not for everyone. With you he feels incredibly sensitive and caring, which is totally foreign to him and kinda makes him feel like he's gone "soft" - so don't make fun of him (or a big a deal out of the whole thing) when he expresses concern, or he will shut you down like he did with his sister

I kinda hc him as using sarcasm/humor to cope, so he'd be cracking some witty jokes here and there whenever he's nervous about doing something

his regression/caregiving style:

He is a flip through and through, though it would take a long time for him to accept his "little" side

He hates being vulnerable, hates not having the upper hand and control over things, so he would downright beat himself up for being "weak" and still having these childlike needs and thoughts

But remember he feels like he's doomed, like he can't help being a "monster"? Being a caregiver would help him immensely with these thoughts because even though he's a piece of shit gremlin, he would never intentionally hurt a child

So by letting yourself regress around him he would learn he can choose his fate. He is not doomed, because he is capable of seeing you in your most vulnerable state and not even consider the idea of taking advantage of that

And that blows his mind off lmao

And for some ~mysterious reason~ he starts to feel a little better, and to do a little better

Needless to say Emily is beyond grateful you're in their lives. Gabriel totally refuses to go to therapy (doctorphobic lol), and their relationship is as bad as it gets, but since you showed up Gabriel hasn't been a prick to her. He is very moody still, but they're not fighting over control of their brain and body anymore. Because of you, they started to be able to tolerate each other's presence and now they try their best to both not fight in front of you and to share their body as best as they can

He lowkey doesn't know how to act around you at first lmao, its kinda of endearing. He wont show but he's gonna be panicking inside and will wonder if the slightest touch or thing he says would hurt you

He cares. A lot, all the time, and since its just the two of you and he feels so strangely safe around you, he'll allow himself to be 100% invested in taking care of you

He's a craftsman, which could maybe make you think he'd spoil you rotten with gifts (which he will) but I feel he also wouldn't want to shut up about how absolutely adorable you look

Wouldn't go too crazy with the nicknames tho, at most would call you kitten/puppy/bunny

I figured moving probably feels pretty painful to him, so he'll deal a lot better with calm/sleepy regressors

But don't get too excited thinking he'd let you do whatever you want: he can and he will put you on one of those kid leashes with the backpack if he has to

I think that, with time, he'd go from a sort of lenient cg to a more strict one- it would help him to give someone rules to follow cus he'd have to take care of himself better to be able to take care of you

The most therapeutic thing to him about all this is to be able to give someone the childhood he didn't get to have: you'll never feel alone, he'll never belittle you or make you feel like there's something inherently wrong with you

On the contrary: he'd make a point on teaching your regressed self to love and accept yourself as best as you can

BIG fan of gentle parenting, got a tiktok account solely to watch those vids and to make mental notes on how to better care for you

Would get pretty jealous and protective over you and your relationship, specially around Emily

If you guys ever go out together and you happen to regress in public he will not let you feel bad about it. You better not take that paci out of your mouth honey, cus there's nothing to be ashamed of here

He isnt super big on parental nicknames, thinks dada/papa is fine but absolutely prefers bubba over those

Isnt super excited about touch at first either. At the begging of your relationship he would outright refuse it, but since discovering his cg headspace he has allowed himself to admit he's absolutely somewhat touch starved

Expect lots of little touches here and there, like brushing hair out of your face/tucking it behind your ear, adjusting your clothes, fixing your eyebrows, etc

Melts when you hug or compliment him. Will never ever let himself admit it tho, but will thank you for doing it

He keeps every drawing/little gifts you give him somewhere Emily wont find it, so he can 1) keep small you all to himself 2) protect his reputation as a stone cold and uncaring guy and 3) gush to himself over how lucky he is to have found you

Remember he's a craftsman? He loves making you big gifts out of literally anything he can get his hands on i.e. has turned one of Emily's old wooden pieces into a bunch of Montessori-inspired toys and plans on doing it again, cus fuck you Emily

Despite being good with big pieces, his fine motor skills are a disaster (thanks for having to use Emily's arms backwards). If you ever let him do your hair he will mess it up (and will get a good laugh out of both of you)

He is a great storyteller and loves playing pretend: will make up bed time stories on the spot

He's got a lot to learn, but if you give him enough love and try to be patient he'll outmatch your energy and will dedicate himself, body and soul, to you

Super caring cg once he finds a safe place to live and thrive in

i love him thats all. hope it wasnt too bad!! im kinda sleepy so apologies if something isn't consistent, I'll proofread this later. see ya, pt. 3 of tommy hewitt as a cg coming soon after this one❤

#agere #slasher fluff #slasher headcanons #gabriel may headcannons #gabriel may #gabriel may malignant #malignant #gabriel may x you #gabriel may x y/n #gabriel may x reader #cg! gabriel may #gabriel may x ageregressor #gabriel may fluff #agere slashers #horror agere #my writing

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wormstacheangel · 2 years

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happy nov 5th. im still in shock and traumatized.

People returned from Chuck’s Thanos snap and the world went on not knowing about the sacrifice that was made to keep it from turning into nothing. Months passed by in a blur and his life continued on. He wanted a chance at normal and he worked hard to try to capture just that. Not for himself though but in the name of the lost future that always involved sand, sun, and his little family that could.

Normal didn’t involve any of that.

His family was scattered. Lost. Still a little bit angry but still trying with a text here and there.

The sand was mostly dirt and pebbles from the lake’s shore and the sun seemed to always stay hidden behind the large trees but it also made him feel safe. Who knew being a bubble boy is who he was gonna grow up to be? Safe in his own little space in this sad piece of rock.

Not alone though. Dean was never alone.

“Okay,” Jack walked out with his raincoat on and a bright sunny smile on his face to contradict the setting sun. “I’m ready.”

Dean got up from his rocking chair, groaning as he did so cause he is now feeling all those times he was thrown through a window, and motioned for Jack to lead the way toward the ugly teal-colored truck. Nice to see the rain at least giving it a wash considering Dean has been asking Jack for a week now to do that. For a second he wondered if it was Jack’s doing, the rain appearing the week of the anniversary of the worst day of his life.

But he stops himself from asking. Wondering what Cas would say and knowing damn well that Cas would say some shit about this day also being hard on Jack.

“You’re not the only one who lost someone that day, Dean. Jack also lost a father. He needs you just as much as you need blah blah blah.” Imaginary Cas rambles on but Dean knows he’s right.

Dean jumps into the passenger seat, shaking off the excess rain from his hair and watching as Jack buckles up for the drive. Scrunching his face in concentration as he turns on the truck and the windshield wipers clear the view of the road for just a few seconds before it blurred back up with the rain.

The rain echoed inside the cab of the truck, loudly banging against the metal before Jack plays the same cassette tape—one that never leaves this truck under Jack’s driver rule—and Ramble On slowly filled the empty space.

Dean doesn’t flinch anymore. He looks ahead and wonders how many times Cas listened to this damn thing. Wonders how many times Jack will listen to it. Wonders if these songs will ever stop haunting him with memories that can never be possible.

“I’m thinking we can buy the flowers first.” Jack sounded unsure but smiled at the road.

They’re going into town now, Jack’s new power came in handy in making them all forget ever meeting them the first time, wanting to celebrate and not just mourn the loss of someone they both loved so much and felt overwhelmingly guilty about. So they’re having a funeral. Emphasis on the fun.

“Yeah. We can do that.” Dean had a list in his pocket but he knew most of that Eileen or Jody can take care of. He can handle the food and decorations. They both can. “What kind are you thinking about?”

Tangerine was playing now.

“I don’t know yet but I’m sure as soon as I see it I will know which one is right for Cas.” The kid was confident and Dean didn’t doubt him for a second.

“I’m sure you will.” Dean sent him a smile, before watching the tree line thin out around them. He wondered if they were cutting trees down the closer they got into town. “We should get some donuts while we’re there right?”

“Of course.” Dean chuckled at Jack’s serious response. Eyebrows knitted and stiff nod just like his Father. “With sprinkles.”

“I’m gonna make all of them sprinkles. I don’t need you and Kaia fighting over the only sprinkle donut again.”

“You ate it!”

“Yeah, well, only cause I got tired of you two bickering like a couple of-oof!” The seatbelt tightened around his middle and Dean placed a hand out to grab at Jack while the other gripped at the dashboard to stop his head from slamming into it.

The sound of the screeching wheels rang in his ears before nothing but heavy breaths and the sound of The Rain Song playing low in the speakers were left. Everything else was quiet. Before Dean could ask what the fuck just happened, the world went still again.

Dean looked out into the dark road, the windshield wipers clearing it from the rain just enough for him to notice someone was standing there. Just far away enough that the headlights don’t shine on them but even drenched, Dean can recognize him.

Jack and Dean watched as the figure limped a little closer and a familiar tired little smile shined brighter than anything in the last year.

Dean’s chest tightened up, his muscles freezing as he watched Jack push open his door and run out into the rain without a second of hesitation. He was jealous that jack can just do while Dean cowards inside. Watching the reunion through the fogged-up glass.

But how can this be real? How can he be back?

“Do you really care?” Dean asked himself and no. Not at this moment. At this very fucking moment he did not give a single damn about the hows and whys. They’ll figure that shit out later. Right now…

“Cas?” Dean unbuckled himself with shaky hands. “Cas.” He pushed the door open harder than he should have as he jumped out of the truck. His feet dragged on the pavement as he made his way to the front of the car.

What if it’s a dream? What if Dean reaches to touch him and he poofs out like a ghost?

But none of that mattered. Right now…

“Dean.”

Right now all that mattered was he was back.

“Cas!” Dean didn’t stop to hesitate or think. Instead, he went in for the hug, wrapping his arms tight around the familiar body. Holding him close as a promise to never let him go again. This is where he belongs. This is where he should be. This was the normal he has been chasing all these months. It was with him. A normal life with him. Hiding his face in Cas’s shoulder, he whispered, “I missed you. I missed you like fucking crazy, Cas.”

Dean felt the arms wrap around him in return. It was just as strong. “I missed you too, Dean. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long.”

Dean pulled away just enough to look at him. Examine to make sure he was alright. “Yeah. Too damn long. Stop doing that shit.”

Cas nods. A smile warming up his face through the rain or tears. “I will.”

Dean felt his lungs finally breathe as tears start to fall. He gently held Cas’s face between his hands, those curious baby blues watching his every move, before muttering a, “Fuck it.” and leaning in to finally kiss the man he has fallen in love with over and over again.

And nothing in the world has ever felt so right.

When he finally pulls back he watches as Cas's eyes flutter open, eyelashes covered in rain, and hair laid flat to his forehead, looking like a dear in the headlights. Move with caution written all over him.

Dean smiled back to reassure him, leaning in to give his lips a soft peck before whispering, “Let’s go home.”

Cas smiles back, relaxing under the touch before nodding. “I would like that.”

Jack honks the horn of the truck, loud enough to make them jump, before yelling at them to get in.

“Come on! We need to call everyone and cancel the funeral!” Jack told them, handing Cas his phone. “You gotta call Claire. Now! She was mad when we waited too long to tell her you were dead again.”

#happy destiel day #this will be my personality for the rest of my life #angsty with happy ending #fic #wormstachewrites #my writing #destiel

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afreakingdork · 3 months

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Time for: Another random midnight ramble

Even though we’ve seen so little of him throughout the fic I just LOVE the way rise Raph scratches an itch in my brain that makes me melt. Like- he’s just so understanding and definitely the most well adjusted when it comes to mentality and maturity, not just in being an adult but also emotionally.

He understands that things are at a standstill, and knows to leave well alone. Whereas Leo and Mikey still have two very different and more childlike and immature mindsets when it comes to Donatello.

Leo is paranoid, he is certain that Donnie would never change for anyone that he is not going to stop hunting them and scaring his brothers beyond repair. His immediate hostility keeps Reader and potentially Donatello at bay. They’re both very similar in that way and it would take one of them to take those walls down for the other to follow suit and even then he will still be paranoid.

Mikey in the other hand is the opposite, even if he knows it won’t happen he desperately craves Donatello to be part of the family it’s why he invited Reader and Donnie to stay for coffee and croissants. He takes in Donnie’s advice even if it may be condescending and treats it like gosspel. He wants him to come back around and even if he doesn’t understand it I believe that it’s part of the reason why he reached out to Reader in the first place. He CRAVES that connection, after all it is what brought Draxum into their family unit and start a villain rehab program. He sees the best in people whether it be to his detriment or not.

Raph on the other hand, he’s a middle ground of peace. He is weary of Donatello like Leo, he is skeptical and frankly doesn’t want the conflict to start again. But like Mikey, he’s not throwing him out the second he can, which leads me to think he had similar hopes to Mikey. He also wants that connection even if he doesn’t know it. They all do, they’re all just on different levels of it some being more bitter than others that they couldn’t reach it.

The best way to put it is acceptance. He’s not holding any grudges, they’ve both hurt each other and now neither of them want to actually fight so he does the mature thing and leaves it be. He tries to stop conflict before it happens though usually in vain. He keeps his family safe by just living his own life and not letting it be overtaken by the same paranoia that Leo feels.

I just love the big red blorbo, he deserves a hug and cookie for everything he’s been through. Also once again it may be a ReaderxDonatello fic but by gods I won’t stop finding other characters to simp over too.

Hypno may be married but by the looks of it Raph it good for the pickings sooo ima yoink the big red squishy toy.

Yyyyyoink

GOD I LOVE READING THESE!!!!! IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE DELIVERED ME A BIG OLD BOWL OF MY FAVORITE SOUP!!!!!! IM SLURPING IT UP!!!!

I think it's really interesting (I literally wrote it what am i talking about) if you think about how scared Donnie has left them physically and compare it to emotionally. Leo is arguably the least scared physically, but the most scarred emotionally. While Raph my appear to have the worst, it's actually Mikey that has the worst damage, but he's the one least connected to it! It's a comparison made intentional and literal considering his traumatic brain injury disconnected his ability to taste. To bring the croissant in from chapter 58, everything about what happened to them is layered, laminated, and interspersed! That's surely not even everything I've done, but I do adore metaphors and meanings so they are aplenty!

Raphy gets to really shine a few chapters down the line from now! I hope he'll continue to impress! He's not tied down as far as the story is concerned, I likened Raphala to having some kind of partner, but I wasn't going to write them! You are free to take anyone as you see fit, I won't tell 🤭

#ask #moots

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lilysmiles11223345 · 10 months

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ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT I DID IT \o/

I was able to finally get myself to finish these drawings >:D this post will be about my characters in @bobmirum ‘s mafia au!! :D

Your au is lovely and it’s given me many cool story ideas >v< so many I could not fit them into here properly -w- im hoping to be able to write a fic with those ideas and maybe post it soon! :D💗

TW: Some of the info will be very dark, there will be lots of serious topics! this au is based on something already pretty serious irl(mafias)- so Ofc I had to add my own spins <3

~read more for the info/drawings!~

~fiore(Anthea)~

“A kind and gentle florist, one that just so happens to be peppino’s childhood friend. She seems to see the good in most and that includes peppino— as she is completely clueless to him being the right-hand man to a mafia

To be fair, peppino does try and keep her in the dark about it too- she isn’t allowed to visit any of his restaurants for this reason. But it does seem that the idea of peppino being in such a situation is a topic she’s most oblivious on. As if she couldn’t really see him as evil in any shape or form— and if she knew, perhaps that wouldn’t change at all.

There are times she can defend herself, though there are rumours that a traumatic event happened in the past that had caused her to have forgotten parts of her past— including the traumatic event. peppino was there for the event, and wants to keep her safe and protect her from danger like that from now on. Though, Knowing it’d be risky if she got too involved with him he doesn’t visit her often, but when he does he still can’t help but get a bit soft…

Though when someone on pizzaheads side discovers their closeness.. will Anthea still be shielded from all of this?”

Fun fact! I came up with this whole backstory before I even knew about this au <3 it was for normal evil peppino at first! I just changed It ever so slightly for the mafia au! Though I understand the love for evil X evil I also really like evil X oblivious sweetheart so much >v<

I also decided her being a florist would be best in this au >:3 like to imagine that peppino listens to her ramble on about flower meanings— and eventually he started secretly asking her for flowers to give secret messages and stuff >:D she probably does get the meanings of the messages he’s putting together with flowers but because he just says they are for one of his restaurants she just brushes it off, thinking it’s slightly odd.

~mutey/masky(mute)~

“A loyal guard dog. Masky is apart of pizzaheads little gang- and to an extent Darling’s part of it too, though cares more about Noise than anything else involved. They and noise had known each other since childhood- and have had history together. Noise was there for most of masky’s trauma— so they are greatful and plan to stay with noise through anything.

when noise started gambling— they didn’t really like that, but felt powerless to stop him..

Instead they opted to help noise in other ways, making sure to protect him and doing little things for him. Now and then they would slightly try and protest on the addiction, but when that failed they wouldn’t do more but continue to stay by his side through it.

Now, they ended up working at pizzahead’s casino with noise— though they never wanted to be involved in the first place they wouldn’t want to get out of this mess without noise— so they silently repress their own feelings and do any job they are told to.

..though if it ever came to them finally standing up for themself, and disobey darling.. would they still be alive to keep noise happy?”

Mute is probably the biggest simp in this au AND that’s saying something 😭👍

Like normal mute also can’t talk- so they’d have to find some other way to communicate such as cherades, a whiteboard or a voice box ^w^

Noise despite not really realising how important they are to him— understands mute very easily still too..

Since noise seems more focused on making money in this au - it takes a while but eventually he comes to realize how important mute truly is to him.. but, the problem is it may be too late before that happens 😔👍

~whippy/sugar(Chelsey)~

“Whippy works for pizzaheads little gang, but more for Darling herself. She used to be a highly trained assassin but with some “small talk”, Darling was able to “convince” her to work for her. For the most part she is only needed as a bodyguard for Darling, though there are times she is given jobs to kill someone.

With such a cold expression, you’d expect a heart completely void of love. Though this is what she’d like you to believe— not only does she take care of two orphaned twins as her own siblings (after her real ones died in an “accident”), she had caught feelings for a specific cop(vigi).. and even fully knowing that her love was unrequited - she couldn’t stop herself from getting a bit soft around him.

It’s possible that this crush weakens her slightly, and may even make her hesitant to do one of her jobs in the future..

Though if it ever came to him being her target, and the safety of the twins relied on it— how could she ever deal with the possibility?”

Yeah if you thought mute gets hit hard in this au- Chelsey’s angst may be a contender for my favorite in this au~ she is completely taken over the edge and never will be able to be truly happy 😔

Cause yeah, it’s possible mute and noise could get together maybe- but Chelsey and vigi? In this au?? Impossible. Poor Chelsey 😔👍

~darling(mrs.Neapolitan)~

“a sweet face huh? Her charm and mesmerizing features are enough to fool most into a false sense of security- though Darling has never been the most sane of people.

She’s definitely good at keeping up a sweet and caring persona to most, though in reality she enjoys most people’s suffering, and is pretty manipulative to others. This goes to all she knows, except for one..

Pizzahead.

It’s unknown at how long they’ve known each other, but a while ago she had joined in on helping with pizzahead’s gang, working for the casino in secret and keeping her “mostly” innocent makeup brand separate.

She’s madly in love with pizzahead and is very loyal towards him, she watches others that work for him (and her) to make sure they keep in line, and isn’t afraid of dispelling punishments to those she sees are lacking slightly..

When she figures about the quarrel between peppino&gustavo’s gang and pizzahead’s gang, she immediately takes matters into her own hands to find a way to take peppino and Gustavo down..

And when she discovers peppino’s weakness, his childhood friend.. let’s just say things get a bit interesting..~”

I made her so pretty but so evil,, I hope you guys still like her 🥺

I did really like having the chance to do a human design for her~ I hope her design still translated her ice cream themes!! <3

Fun facts:

-You will find that all the characters names in this au (or well- nicknames) are names someone important calls them . “Fiore” is what peppino calls Anthea, “mutey” is what noise calls mute, “sugar” is what vigi calls Chelsey, and “darling”.. is actually just what everyone calls her but yeah ;v;’ it originated from pizzahead. :D

The only two with seperate nicknames that others call them is Chelsey and mute , others call mute “masky” and Chelsey “Whippy”. :)

-I have ideas for the missing two ocs too (strawbetty and Evi) BUT Evi’s doesn’t have enough structure yet and strawbetty’s will come later— it’s definitely boring compared to everyone else’s story’s LOL <3 strawbetty’s nickname would be berrie tho!

-mute was just starting to warm up to noisette and even crush on her too when noise and her broke up- they had to quickly get back on noise’s side after.

I hope you like them!! As I said I’m trying my best to write a fic with what happens to them all~ I may post it when it’s done! ^w^

also I put alot of effort into this but it’s possible I may have messed up somewhere and I’m so sorry if I did! ;v; I hope you all like it anyway ^^

May even skip ahead to do the good parts, who knows >v<

That’s all for now, thank youuuu!! QwQ

P.s I will draw the canon mafia au characters as soon as my brain lets me!! >:D

#pizza tower #pizza tower mafia au #lilysdrawing #lilyswriting #oc x canon #pizza tower ocs #pizza tower oc #art #pt anthea maple #pt mute #pt mrs Neapolitan #pt Chelsey #pizza tower au #pizza tower+dessert dungeon #it was proof read but by my gf #she always supports me so I hope you all will like it too ;v;

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alostlittleriverlotus · 10 months

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being a schizoid borderline narcissist fucking sucks. Cause my BPD has me extremely fearful of abandonment as well as ready to completely react with my mood swings and reckless behaviour. My narcissism will get a narc crash if I don't get constant love from my close loved ones, but I'm schizoid so I don't want my boundaries pushed or to be obligated to talk to people when I don't care. But not being around people gives me delusions of being abandoned and I want to react cause of my bpd and npd to feel loved and cared for and all while I can only blame myself cause of my schizoid behaviours making me need the distance, but when I receive the distance it drives me crazy.

Don't even get me started on the only ways my disorders play together. My schizoid and antisocial ass pushing chronic boredom even more and only making me want to do more reckless things, but also having executive dysfunction and being disabled and fatigued so all I end up doing is either portraying it in video games or just not doing anything and only having those cravings to do something, ANYTHING to alleviate the boredom and apathy heightened. The histrionic narcissism including fucked up sexuality from sexual trauma and religious trauma and having an alter that embodies a lot of HPD while also being sex repulsed and just having to live with craving triggering things because you grew up thinking it meant that was love even though in reality you would be horrified and then you accidentally trigger yourself into an episode and start crying and feeling unsafe and having reminders of your trauma. That one is always fun.

Im not even gonna get into my paranoia amd avoidance. Bruh. Bruuuuuh. That one is a whole bag of not fun.

And there's way I still don't fully understand the intricacies of my disorders all playing together in a hellish way. And I just sit here and I'm completely used to it that I don't even realize how truly fucked up I am until I'm met with people outside of the psychotic side of the mental health community or I talk to my significantly less psychotic but still traumatized and disordered friend and everything I experience is like taking her stuff and amplifying it and adding even more.

And the only person in my life who knows the true depths of all of this is MA. I tell my gf a bit, my friend probably saw some, but I never fully open up to the extent of how truly fucked up and fragmented my mind and body and soul are. Especially after my previous anti-self diagnosis phase where I was super shitty and now I'm everything I tried not to be :)

But overall, my coping skills are a lot better. Knowing what I'm dealing with to some extent, learning about my system, even unearthing some of my more repressed traumas and letting myself be cringe has helped a lot. I've found so many ways to better deal with things, I now understand my reactions and triggers a lot more, and I feel safe knowing that my system has my back and they always have. I used to feel "crazy" for things and wouldn't even say I had ocd and anxiety (even tho I do) and now I'm just like "nah fuck it." And having the communities on here have helped me learn a lot about my disorders and other ones in unstigmatized ways.

I don't really know what this post is, but I was just thinking about how I act and the way my disorders play together and then my mind trailed off cause im autistic and adhd as fuck.

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chaosjester666 · 4 months

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So yea ✨️rant time✨️ because if I don't get this off of my chest I don't know what I will do to my self (TW: Talk of neglect, almost child abuse/assault, throwing up, guilt tripping, manipulation, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of sh)

So lately my mom has saddled me with a shit ton of stuff to do, despite the fact that I am trying to relax and not worry about the fact that I have a court case soon which I will not be discussing in this rant but still and I haven't gotten around to it in like 3 days cause 1) my insomnia is back which is not giving me any energy 2) I've been having migraines 3) I have been feeling sick

Now most parents when their kid tells them that they feel like their going to throw up normal care and let the kid rest, my mother? No. She instead tells me to "go throw up then" and that "for her entire freshman year and for the most part of her time in high-school she threw up ✨️daily✨️ which is not healthy so you would think she wouldn't want that for her child but no, instead she guilts me with it.

So that's been happening and now she has threatened with taking away ALL of my safe spaces as some form of messed up threat. And when I was about to begine because I'm sick of her taking my safe places from me I got sick so I went to my bathroom, and that's where she found me and she didn't even let me explain before ordering me to do more things so my list was now A)sort through books to see which are in good condition so she can uses them when she starts teaching 1st grade(why is she even making me do it solo?) B) orginize A SHIT TON LIKE 7 STORAGE BOXES WORTH of old toys and other objects from when I was little(by myself mind you and I have the attention span of a squirrel on crack) and C) feed the animals(which lately she has me do all the damn time because she's too "tired" or "waiting for her bf to tell her to come over") and D) take a shower all by the time she comes back and like she doesn't even tell me properly what time she'll be back I just have to assume she'll be back by 5, but then not even like 5-10min later AS IM ABOUT TO TAKE A SH- she calls me and tells me to come down to her bfs house.

[Now some context on why I HATE her bf, I have known her bf(M) for as long as I've been born and he is very much old school boomer, and I vividly remember one time when I was IN EITHER KINDERGARTEN OR 1ST GRADE I was being a brat (like how most kids that age are when they are being forced to do something they don't want to do) and M decided to WRAP ME IN DUCK TAPE AND PUT TAPE ON MY MOUTH mind you I was in one of those puffy winter coats BUT STILL THAT SHIT TRAUMATIZED ME. And whenever I'm around him ever since my parents divorced it feels like he's trying to be a father figure, while at the same time treating me like a servant or a brat. And my mom has forced me to go with her and her fucking boy toy on camping trips and whenever that happens I'm treated like dirt by the both of them. And he tries CONSTANTLY to trie and "stear me onto the right track in life" yet also going on and on about how I have "no respect for anyone" and that I'm an "entitled brat" and he gets pissed when I don't talk to him when I'm forced on one of their trips or when im forced to eat dinner at his place yet when I talk to him he gets pissed at me if I say something a certain way. So yea I don't like him(and it doesn't help that if I don't go down to his place when my mother asks me to come down I get yelled at).]

I ofcourse confused ask why and am just told to come down because she "told me to" and I want to know why cause I had already texted her that I was going to take a shower soon, but she won't tell me and then her boy toy gets on the line spewing shit about how I have no respect and the like before hanging up. And so I just shrug it off and JUST AS IM ABOUT TO TAKE MY SHOWER LIKE 2-3MIN LATER my fucking mother comes in and tells me to put my robe on before walking away

Now I'm confused AND now really annoyed, and so I put my robe on and go out to where they were and then told to "pick a seat" and they give me no context AND THEN AND FUCKING THEN MY MOTHERS FUCKING BOY TOY WHO IS ALMOST TWICE HER AGE STARTS ASKING ME "WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS" "WHY DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT" "WHAT HAS YOU ACTING LIKE THIS" AND OTHER SIMILAR THINGS AND THEN STARTS PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH "IS IT SOMETHING AT SCHOOL" "IS IT SOMETHING AT HOME" "IS IT TO DO WITH ME" "WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS" AND I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS SHIT

AND WHEN I MENTION THAT ID RATHER TALK TO A THERAPIST ABOUT THIS SHIT HE GOES "well im a therapist" now I have known this man MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE and I have never heard of this before and when I tell him I don't belive him he goes "want me to get my license? My phd?" AND IM JUST GOING IN MY HEAD "THIS MAN IS A MECHANIC WHAT THE FUCK" and then it dawns(hehe...) on me he's serious and now I have another reason not to talk to him about this shit

Cause you see ever since I was Itty bitty like kindergarten grade and YOUNGER I have had to tag along to my mothers therapy appointments and as I got older and my anger issues began to develop and get worse I still had to come along and so when I would snap AND MY MOM WOULD GO TO HEAR THERAPIST(DAWN) I WOULD ALSO BE THERE AND THEN DAWN WOULD GRILL ME ABOUT IT AND WHY I ACTED THE WAY I DID AND EVEN AFTER TELLING THE TRUTH I WOULDNT BE BELIVED AND SHE ACTUALLY TRAMATIZED ME AND SO NOW I DONT TRUST ANY THEARPIST THAT COULD KNOW DAWN OR MY MOTHER

And it doesn't help that this went on for years until it got to the point where Dawn had given me multiple mental and emotional breakdowns. And it also didn't help that during my childhood I was bullied by a 20 something cousin in 2-3, emotionally neglected by my mother and grandmother(Sue), was basicly taught that negative emotions were not allowed, was constantly bullied at school and 1-4 had 1 toxic af friend and in 5th and an toxic friend group, was subconsciously taught that violence was the only way to be taken seriously, was taught to bottle up all anger until it burst, was not given a therapist until 6th and even then said therapist knew Dawn, was taught that my mental needs didn't matter, was taught that I would never be listened to, taught myself how to dissociate, became borderline dependent on the internet to save face and sanity, taught that no matter what I do ill never be enough, taught that my thoughts on a subject didn't matter, taught that I had no choice in career or schooling, and that my feelings didn't matter so long as I got "a good education". So to say I have issues is an under statement

And so I really didn't feel comfy talking to mother(kasondra)s boy toy and so I started doing my breathing exercises to calm down seeing as I knew I would be allowed to walk away. But then kasondras boy toy got pissed I was "ignoring" him and said "don't you start crying now" and after I didn't give him a reaction HE SLAMMEDD ON THE TABLE MULTIPLE TIMES TO TRY TO GET MY ATTENTION AND SAID "CMON GIRL GET MAD CUSS AT ME SWEAR AT ME TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL" and when I explained in a tense but calm voice that I was doing my breathing exercises he said "don't get mad yell at me tell me how you really feel" (now see I have trained myself to never tell those who are in cahoots with kasondra my real feelings) and so I snapped and yelled at him, this is how it went

"JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I DONT WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT" -me

"oh ho ho ho ho don't you speak to me like that little girl"- kasondras boy toy

I began my breathing exercises again

"Look at me little girl you need to start respecting your mom, now what is wrong with you, what has you acting this way"

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Why"

"Because you won't like any answer I give"

"Oh is that it we won't do what you want"

"No"

"Then what is it"

"... just leave me alone"

"There it is 'leave me alone' what do you think that'll fix"

"I'd rather talk to a actual therapist"

"Do you really think a therapist will just fix everything? Cause I'm going to be honest therapy ain't going to do shit"

And it kept going like that back and forth until I snapped

"JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, I NEED FUCKING THERAPY AND I AM TRYING TO CALM MYSELF DOWN BUT YOU ARNT LETTING ME AND YOU(kasondra) KNOW THAT I NEED TO BE ALONE TO CALM DOWN YOU KNOW THIS AND I AM FUCKING DONE WITH ENTERTAINING THIS SHIT SI JIST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE"

And kasondras boy toy the proceeds to threaten to bust my ass for talking like that WHEN THAT WAS WHTA I WAS WANTING FROM ME and we started a back and forth again. And I'm starting to get a side effect of having to bottle up all negative emotions because of kasondra, having an emotional break down when pissed. So im hyperventilating while this fucking boomer goes on and on about how I have no respect for anyone and how I am a entitled brat and when I told him to just leave me alone he grabbed my moms belt(WHO FUCKING OFFERED IT TO HIM WHEN HE THREATENED TO BUST MY ASS TO WHERE I WOULDNT EVEN BE ABLE TO FUCKING SPEAK) and went to hit me, AND SO I FUCKING FLINCHED AND COVERED MY FACE AS I BEGAN HAVING A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK he didn't hit me but he got in my face and started talking about how if I was his kid he would have beat me for talking that way and when I said "good thing I'm not your kid then" HE GOT IN MY FACE AND STARTED YELLING AT ME

I finally got him to leave me alone and leave and I go and took my shower and had a complete melt down in the shower I had thoughts I hadent had IN YEARS, I thought about self unalivent and sh, which scared me cause I have to many friends to live for to even consider that, but hey at least that tipped me off on the fact that now I'm even worse mentally. And then fucking kasondra came in asking for my Swiss army knife one of my few comfort items(and I can't tell her that and she'll push and I ddint want to disclose that "hey I feel so unsafe in this house that having easy access to a UTILITY TOOL is a comfort") when I asked why she revealed Stephanie(kasondras boy toys daughter WHO IS CLOSE TO KASPNDRAS AGE) recommended TAKING EVERY SINGLE KNIFE IN THE HOUSE AND PUTTING IT IN THE SAFE so now I am down a comfort item, my safe places being threatened, feeling like shit and that even my own blood sees me as a danger, like my emotions and feelings don't matter, like my mental health doesn't matter, that my own mother considers her boy toys daughters opinion over mine, and that the only reason I'm still alive and living in this house is A) I have to many friends that I can't die on, B) I have to many plans with friends to give up, C) I don't have the money to support getting myself a place and still being able to bring my cat with, and lastly I still have goals to accomplish

So all in all today has been shit

#rant #personal rant

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