#axel cluney deadpool two | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweetbillwriting · 2 years

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The Stranger I Love

4 - Green Calcite

Description: Misha and Axel lives a bohemian life together and they love each other dearly even though Axel's mood swings have made it difficult for them. When Axel starts to change, so does their relationship and Misha start to feel like she lives with a stranger.

Characters: AU Axel Cluney (Zeitgeist) from Deadpool 2 played by Bill Skarsgård. The rest is my own original characters.

Warnings: 18+, drugs, alcohol, drunkeness, mental health problems, toxic relationships, jealousy, cheating.

Notes: This is told from a first person's perspective as you know so remember it is from her view, her narrative. I also want to say thank you to @b-afterhours who always take time to proofread my chapters.

I heard a loud pop when I walked through the door. I was wet from the rain, autumn had come early this year and Axel's and my relationship had also grown colder. Two weeks of no sex, two weeks of seeing him dissappear out to run or take his bike to his father.

At first, I couldn't place the sound but I peeked into the kitchen and saw Axel pouring up my favorite cava in one of my crystal champagne glasses. It looked like he had tried to dress up and wore his most fitted black jeans and the khaki green button up I used to steal from him. I felt underdressed in leggings and his hoodie but I had also worked ten hours.

"What's this?" I asked and walked closer to him. Axel smiled wide. I hadn't seen that smile for a long time and I wanted to kiss his dimple and the other one on the side of his chin. But I didn't. It didn't feel like we were that kind of couple anymore.

Axel took a deep breath and gave me a glass.

"I'm going to be a student in two weeks," he said and smiled nervously. "Furniture design at the design school. Dad helped me put in a late application and today they called. They said they were happy I had applied and that my work sample was impressive."

I could see Axel's eyes were shiny, he rarely heard he was good at anything. He had been a burden in most settings he was in, it started in school and since then he had been caught in that thought. It surprised me he dared to apply but I was happy for him but it wasn't the feeling that took over.

I smiled at Axel but didn't know what to say. He had really been a burden throughout his school time. The only reason he gained his degree was because he cheated on his final exam. During most of his school time he had stood outside smoking and mocked teachers. Could he really handle school now? We couldn't afford for him to fail, we probably couldn't even afford the house if he became a student. This felt like a bad thoughtless idea. Probably another of his ideas to become a new person.

I smiled at Axel and cheered with him but after some sips it was probably quite obvious for Axel that I couldn't fully celebrate with him.

"Dad has said he will help us with money and I will try to get a weekend job." He said, trying to persuade me. I sighed a little and put the glass down on the kitchen table.

"That's great Axe but… Will you really be able to study? I mean, you have hated to do so all your life." I looked, examining him and I almost regretted it when I saw his hurt expression.

"Misha… Fucking hell…" I could hear in his voice that this was the moment before get really angry. Now he just stood quiet and breathed loudly like he didn't know what to say.

"Will you really sit and listen to some dude talking for hours? And you will probably have exams, would you study for them weeks in advance?"

Axel's jaw worked from side to side while his breathing became heavier. When he had stood that way a while he trusted himself to speak again.

"It’s really starting to feel like you are holding me back. I'm trying to fucking do something with myself but you just want me to just sit and mold."

"That's not true!" I almost interrupted him. "I am just trying to be realistic, Axe and I don't know what cloud you live on these days. These changes you do feel so forced and I don't get why you suddenly must rush these changes."

Axel started to walk in small circles in the kitchen with his fingers entwined in his neck. Could he just explode in rage so we could get it over? Right now it was just annoying and a bit scary to not know when he would get angry. Earlier I had known when he would become angry (all the time) so I was prepared.

"Fuck… This doesn't feel good at all Misha… I’m taking a walk to dad‘s place."

I shrugged frustratedly. Was this the new Axel? Running away from a conflict? Would we ever be able to just fight through some things?

Axel walked to the bedroom to change clothes. I stood behind in the kitchen, looking at the bottle of cava and our glasses. We hadn't drank much. It didn't become a celebration like Axel wanted it to. I felt some remorse but knew inside that I must say those things. It was best to just say it at once. Axel came out from the bedroom in his running clothes.

"Will your dad even be up now? It's 11 pm."

"Yeah, you know, his insomnia. He is always awake." He said distantly and put on his Nike shoes. I just stood and looked at him. He had a black cap on, a tight pair of track pants and black t-shirt that hugged his biceps. It was a big contrast to the guy he had been just a few months ago. He looked really good but it was hard to confess, I would miss the skinny angry guy I got together with.

"You look good, Axel. You look… So healthy," He smiled a bit strained and leaned down to give me a dry kiss on the cheek then disappeared out in the rain I had come in from just twenty minutes ago.

It felt like mine and Axel's relationship started to near the end. We had problems communicating, I didn't trust him and wondered if he cheated on me and I couldn't support his new life choices. Axel didn't sleep at home that night, he sent a text that he would sleep at his fathers house but I wondered if it actually was a girl, or maybe even a guy. He maybe ran to the lonely guy renting a house at his father's grounds. There was a rumour of him being gay and liking younger men. But Axel probably was too old for him. Or he just ran to the closest bus stop and took the bus into the city and went to an orgie party or something. Or a book club with young beautiful house wives. It could be anything or anyone. Axel had always been unpredictable but now it was even worse.

The next day his father's truck parked in front of our garage but I didn't react so much to it. Axel had probably borrowed it from his father. That's why I was also surprised when Oscar Cluney walked in through our door instead of his son. I stood in just a towel, just coming out from the shower and looked at the tall man confused.

"Hey Misha… Maybe I should have knocked?" He said and looked around in the hallway. It was crowded with my weird thrift shop finds and Axel's self made dressers.

"No, no. No one knocks here. Can I help you with something?" I said and fixed my towel so a boob wouldn’t fall out.

"Do you maybe have a cup of coffee to give? That would be nice. I will wait for you on the couch."

He walked to our living room like he owned the place and as the biggest owner of the land around here I guess it was his right.

I first went to the bedroom to put on something. The only thing I could accept wearing was Axel's black t-shirt and sweatpants. Then I went to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. I wonder why Axel's father was here and felt a bad feeling in my stomach. He wouldn't be here just to chat about the weather.

I served coffee to Oscar and I in our biggest blue mugs and sat down opposite him in my velvety green armchair.

Oscar sipped the coffee and sat silent for a half minute and watched the cats lie in a cuddly pile on a patterned blanket on the floor.

"Sorry, you must wonder why I'm here," he said when he felt my eyes on him. When he didn't get an answer he sighed and once again watched the cats.

"You and Axel have been together for many years now and… yeah it was a surprise to see him with a girl again after Zoey… And you have been really good to him."

I nodded but thought about Zoey. The tattoo he had on his biceps but didn't ask any more even if I didn't know who she was.

"But now Misha, even if you have been good for him, it's time for you to let him do his own thing. I will help you financially so you don't need to worry about that. But this education is important for Axel. This is his chance."

I sat silently, looking into Oscar's gray blue eyes that looked back pleading to me. I thought back to my reaction to Axel's acceptance letter unveiling and at once felt bad. Even his father was on his side while I was not.

"I know Axel is a bit much, he has gone through alot and now he’s changing so fast but… We must see this as something positive because it is what Axel wants." His father continued in his regular dreamy voice and I nodded because I knew it was what was expected of me. It was easy for his father to not see this as a bigger thing; he had money and his life didn't depend on Axel. While I saw my chance to go on trips, having a wedding and having happy children disappear with his failed education.

"...I just don't think this education will make him happier." I said and looked down at my golden painted nails.

"Maybe not but we must give this a chance because this is his dream."

Axel's father's face was determined, like nothing I would say would affect him so I just nodded. His father had already made a choice.

"Is he at your place now?" I asked so I didn't need to say anything more about Axel's education but it backfired.

"He is in town looking at the school then he will probably stay there a while too…" I interrupted Oscar with a sigh.

"I'm sorry but I need some time to think about this. I know you have known about this for a longer time than me but I just found out about this."

"I understand honey, but it can't have come as lightning from a blue sky. Axel has tried to work on himself since April and has done amazing things with himself. I start to see him becoming that boy again, that boy he was when he was younger."

Oscar smiled and once again watched the cats. It started to feel like he talked with them and not with me. I sat quiet because I couldn't say anything without sounding selfish or just really negative.

Oscar went when he had drunk up his coffee and gave me a fatherly hug on the way out. I knew he liked me but what I showed today was probably not his favorite side of me. It wasn't mine either but with Axel's changes it felt like I had an even bigger need for stability. The only thing I asked for now was security and predictability but I couldn't stop Axel from changing.

Axel started his education. He rearranged our garage so that he would have a bigger space to work with his craft, he sold his bike and instead got one more cheap car, a MacBook and the right textbooks. He was so up in all of it I felt forgotten and alone. He had a world I couldn't understand at all and it also seemed like he actually was on his way to get friends.

One cold November afternoon he came home and I couldn't recognize him. Or I could but I didn't want to recognize him. He was dressed in a thick knitted forest green sweater and on his nose he had a pair of tortoise shell patterned glasses. If it wasn't for his tattoos on his neck and hands he would have looked like such a square.

"...ehhh Axel?" I said like I didn't recognize him.

"Yeah?" He tried to sound neutral but I could hear he was already tense. He opened the fridge, sniffed some vegan sausages and then took them out.

"Did you feel a need to look like the other kids in school?” I teased. I thought a joke would make him relax but he was still tense.

"...I noticed I was having a hard time seeing the actual slide the teacher showed us but I thought it maybe was that way for everyone… Then I went to a restaurant to eat lunch and couldn't see the menus and then they said I probably need glasses. So I went there and… Yeah I needed glasses." He didn't look at me while he said it and rambled like he had prepared the story. I sat down by the table and smiled a little. I didn't want Axel to feel like I criticized him all the time; it was just hard to feel left out.

"Do you want to see my school? We can visit it together. Right now I'm at the university but after Christmas we will be back at the school again but we can visit anyway." He smiled a little at me while he started to boil water.

"Do you want?" He held up some noodles.

I shook my head and thought about what he had said. It would be nice to see his school. See where Axel now sits and reads, makes assignments and later on will build even finer furniture.

"I can visit your school some day…" I said carefully and smiled at him even if he had his back to me, boiling noodles and chopping the sausages.

"Yeah? Then you can meet some of my new friends too, Wes, Fred, Theo and Lucy." Axel sounded so happy but I just thought about the last name. Lucy. A girl. Was he spending his time with a girl?

Axel smiled at me and pushed up his glasses. They suited him but they changed his face and he didn't look as much as menace as without them. Maybe that was the thing he liked with them.

After eating, he sat down on the couch with his MacBook. I wished we could have some time for ourselves but were also happy to see he took his studies seriously but it was also a bit irritating to see how wrong I was. Axel seem to love to study. Probably more than he loved me.

Instead of being with Axel I wrote in the group chat with my friends. Vanessa had a new boyfriend she wanted to introduce to us. It was her first boyfriend and he was crazy like Axel but without Axel's striking facial features. Like an Axel going through a correction filter. I was happy for Vanessa and hopefully she would let my tattooed boyfriend be now. I looked at Axel. He had dressed down to a grey t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants but still looked neater because of those damn glasses. Now when I looked at him I also noticed he had changed his hair. His regular style was pushed back and greasy now it actually looked washed and he had a side part and then pushed back. I wondered if he had gone to a hairdresser at the same time he got those glasses. It probably was his first time if that was the case.

I wondered if Vanessa would even be attracted to him now. All that Axel was known for was gone. Except for his tattoos. He wasn't dangerous at all. His motorcycle was sold and he even started to look boring. Vanessa had a plan to have a party at her place. Maybe Axel could stay home. As he said himself, they weren’t really his friends and they didn't need to know that Axel had lost his way. Axel probably had a better time with his new friends.

"Do you want to visit my school at friday? Then you can meet Wes and Theo." Axel suddenly said and looked at me hopeful. I was busy scrolling through Vanessa's boyfriend's Instagram.

"Sure."

The room became quiet again except Axel humming with the Kyuss song playing from his Mac.

I walked slowly next to Vanessa, we were looking at cheese for her party. I was tired of always eating vegan so when Vanessa said she would do canapes with cheese I felt excited in a way I hadn't for a long time.

Vanessa and I hadn't talked about what had happened at Axel's birthday. She had joked about his size a few times in passing but other than that it was like it had never happened. Our friendship seemed to survive it better than me and Axel’s relationship and now with her new guy she didn't even seem interested in seeing Axel again.

While she looked through recipes on her phone Axel called me.

"Hey, where are you?" He asked, sounding stressed.

"I'm grocery shopping with Vanessa for tonight. She’s having a party but I didn't think you were interested." I said and played with the fringe on my knitted scarf.

"...But I've been waiting for you? Outside of my school? You know, I was going to show you around." He said disappointed.

I had forgotten about it or I hadn't even really understood it was now we had planned to do it.

"Oh… Sorry Axe. I have some other things to do… I’m sleeping in town tonight because of the party. At Celia's. Just so you know."

Axel was quiet on the other end of the call. I was the worst girlfriend but it was hard to be a good one when he had made our lives totally out of sync.

"Axel?"

Vanessa looked at me a bit worried and I waved her off as if it weren’t anything.

Axel sighed on the other end of the line.

"I’ll probably be in town too then. I'm with Theo right now so we’ll have a beer or something?”

"Good. I'm happy that you have some new friends, Axe."

When I went home the next day my hangover was brutal. I felt weak and tired but also my anxiety was so strong I couldn't even sit still. I just wanted to come home because I became more anxious in Celia's small apartment but also because she tried to discuss the party while I wished to sleep. I hoped Axel wasn't home so that I could have some alone time to just be anxious and gross by myself.

Celia drove me home around noon and I realized then that Axel wasn't home. His old Volvo wasn't by the garage so I would have the house to myself. Just that thought made me relax a bit.

When I was inside I stripped down to just panties and looked for food in the fridge and pantry. Axel had made some vegan sausage which I ate with potato chips and ketchup but my anxiety was still extreme so I laid down in bed and tried to sleep. Images from what had happened at the party and thoughts about Axel's changes floated around. It felt like everyone became adults except me. I needed something to get my anxiety level down and help me sleep. A joint sounded nice. Just to calm me down a bit. Axel hadn't smoked since that summer but he must have some left, hidden somewhere. In the wooden box, but where was it? I looked through his wardrobe, through all the cabinets in the kitchen and all the hiding places in the living room. Where could he have put it? The garage, of course. I put on the green sweater Axel had worn some days earlier and a pair of leggings and walked out to the garage. It had been a long time since I had been there and his workshop looked much more tidy and professional with sketches put up on the walls and a few of his books on the working bench. On the floor stood a floral pedestal in some dark wood. It looked expensive and Axel had made some sort of carving that looked like ivy. It was probably the most beautiful thing I had seen him make. It was high, with shelves for several plants and I could imagine it with green hanging plants on every shelf in golden metal pitchers. Why hadn't I supported him more? He was really talented and seemed to have really good taste. Something I had always questioned. He had made the wooden box himself too. It stood on a metallic shelf waiting on me. I lifted it out and place it down on his work bench. It had a lock but it wasn't used so with a careless hand I opened it up. I had never looked in it because I just thought he had weed and other drugs in it so I was surprised to see it stuffed with things. A keyring with a motorcycle, a plastic wristband from the hospital with his name and social security number, and a braided bracelet with small green stones. A bag with weed lay in the corner but he didn't have any papers. In the bottom of the box lay several photos. The first one was a young Axel without tattoos with a blonde girl. She was gorgeous in an unreal way. He had several pictures with that girl and I couldn't stop my jealousy when I saw a picture of them kissing. But that wasn't the only thing that caught my attention, in that picture her breasts were much bigger and rounder than in the other pictures. Silicon. Obviously. Typical Axel. The next picture was just of Axel. Still as young in a grey suit, sitting on a high chair with an inviting stare. It was obviously a model picture. Even if it was Axel in the picture it felt like it was a stranger looking back at me. The last picture was of an even younger Axel, maybe twelve, with a bruised chin. Together with his father and another man in his father's age. The man was actually more like Axel than his father was and I felt a knot grow in my stomach. He probably didn't want to share this with me and that made me anxious and sad but also angry. Who was Axel?

I put all things in the box again and walked with heavy steps back to the house. It was too much to think about. Now I actually felt sleepy, overwhelmed and when I laid my head against the pillow I fell asleep at once.

I didn't even wake up when Axel came home. I slept until it was dark outside and I could see the light on in the garage and Axel's tall silhouette inside working on the pedestal. For a short moment I just thought about where the pedestal could be placed and what plants we could have on it. I was always the one picking the plants and then Axel was the one caring for them. I stayed in bed until Axel came in, the smell of wood oil spread in the house. It smelled rich like an expensive cologne and if I didn't know better I would have believed Axel had started to think about his scent too. With a loud sigh he came into the bedroom and stripped down to his Batman underwear. The only superhero he liked.

"I missed you," I said to get his attention. He crawled down in bed and just nodded a little. He was probably still a bit pissed that I didn't come to his school.

"You can show me your school another time." I said and watched him fluff the pillow aggressively. It had been a long time since I saw such emotions in him but I didn't say anything about it.

"How was the party?" He asked and lied down with his hands behind his head.

I was a bit uncomfortable and moved from laying face down to him to looking up at the ceiling.

"It was okay."

We layed in silence for a while until I spat out an impulsive question.

"Who is Rebecca? On your chest."

Axel lied silent a while more.

"It was a girl I fucked."

"It must have been more than a fuck. You have her name over your heart."

"We fucked for a few months. She was really hot and the sex was great."

I could feel the jealousy stream down my back like cold water.

"And then you tattooed her name?"

"Yeah. To make her laugh."

I just nodded a little. It was probably logical in Axel's world but not many others would see a name tattoo as a funny thing. I sighed deeply and stopped my questions, he wouldn't tell me anything of value anyway. He probably didn't see the world the same as me.

I couldn't stop thinking about what I had found in the wooden box and I would sneak to look at the things when Axel wasn't home. The bracelet with green stones disappeared and I worried for days that I was the one who had lost it until I saw Axel wearing it. The stone must have been some sort of mineral and shifted in different shades of green. The small irregular stones were braided in a black suede like material. I looked at it while Axel helped me put winter tires on the car. It sat snuggly around his left wrist along with the silver chain he has had as long as I have known him. When he was done working on the car he put on the hoodie he had laid next to him.

"Should we have a cup of coffee?" I asked as I admired his dirty hands, thick knuckles and elegant wrists while he dried them off on an old kitchen towel with blue flowers.

"Sure. But at four o'clock dad’s picking me up in the truck so we can deliver a thing I've built to my first customer." He said proudly.

"Oh?" I asked impressed and Axel smiled brightly while we walked inside.

"Yeah it's a floral pedestal, I'm really pleased with it." He kicked off his work boots and then put on his glasses that laid on the dresser in the hallway.

I was a bit disappointed hearing that the pedestal wasn't for us and probably looked it too while I took off my sneakers and puffer jacket.

"Oh, I've seen it. It's beautiful, Axel, I thought it was for us."

"Really? I thought it wasn't your style at all. That was too heavy and dark."

I walked into the kitchen and started to load the coffee maker.

I shrugged my shoulders. He was right but I felt different when I actually saw it.

Axel took off the hoodie again and I watched his biceps in the tight black t-shirt. He had become hotter and I felt the need to touch him but I hadn’t in so long ago I didn't even know how I would start. I looked at the bracelet again and the glasses on his nose and I sighed a little.

When he sat down by the table playing with his phone I mustered up some courage to ask him about the bracelet. He smiled in a way that made my heart fall down in my stomach and he touched it like it was something expensive.

"A friend made it. It's green calcite. It helps you make positive changes in your life. Make me succeed."

I didn't know what to say so I just made a snorting sound like I thought it was bullshit but in reality I just thought, "It's a girl. It's a girl. He has met someone else."

Axel had so many secrets so of course he had another girl too. I poured the coffee in two white mugs and sat down opposite him by the table. He continued to play with his phone and smiled to himself.

It may sound awful to an outsider but the rest of the week I followed Axel when I didn't work. Our hours were still really different from each other so when he took his Volvo to school in the morning I had time to follow him for a few hours. I took my dark blue Toyota fifteen minutes after he had left and went to the university where he studied at the moment. I found his car parked and then waited for him to come out. Most often he came out together with a guy a head shorter with his hair in braids, gathered in a big bun behind his neck. They looked like friends and I thought to myself he must be one of the guys he had talked about. After that he bought lunch. Either a sandwich from a food truck on campus or he walked to a vegan salad bar close to the hospital. Then he walked back to the library. It wasn't much more interesting than that. Sure, I could see Axel being checked out by well dressed student girls in quilted jackets even if he had his green bomber jacket on and heavy work boots. If he shaved his hair off he would look like a skinhead but they still looked at him with watering eyes while they played with their pearl earrings. Was it such a girl that made him the bracelet? It felt off. Could it really be a student he had an affair with?

The fourth day it finally got interesting. While he stood and talked with his friend with the braids his phone seemed to ring and he pressed it against his ear. He smiled big and laughed and my heart started to beat violently in my chest. He looked down at the bracelet, spinned it around his wrist then hung up. He said a fast good bye to his friend with a close hug. Axel didn't do that manly sort of hug ever, he always hugged for real. Then he started to walk in the same direction the salad bar was. I waited for him to be a long way in front of me before I started the car and drove behind him. He walked to his regular salad bar but the closer I came I could see a girl waiting on him. She was dressed in a long gray coat with brown hair falling elegantly over her back. I had time to think she probably wore pearls too while she and Axel hugged for a long time. But when I came closer I could finally see her face while she laid a glove-covered hand on Axel's naked neck like she thought he looked cold. It was Charlotte, Noah's Charlotte. My brother's fiancee.

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #fan fiction #writing #story #fiction #bill skarsgård writing #bill skarsgård fanfiction #axel cluney #zeitgeist

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bill-skarsgard-fan · 11 months

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nobody asked for this but here’s my top 10 favourite Bill Skarsgård characters ☺️❤️

{ranked from most favourite to least favourite.}

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(1.) Pennywise [IT 2017 and IT chapter two 2019]

(2.) Mickey [Villains 2019]

(3.) The Kid *Henry Deaver* [Castle Rock 2018]

(4.) Simon [Simple Simon 2010]

(5.) Kro [Eternals 2021]

(6.) Zeitgeist *Axel Cluney* [Deadpool 2 2018]

(7.) Willard Russell [The Devil All The Time 2021]

(8.) Keith Toshko [Barbarian 2022]

(9.) Mark [Assassination Nation 2018]

(10.) Roman Godfrey [Hemlock Grove 2013-2015]

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#billskarsgård #it2017 #it2019 #villains2019 #castlerock2018 #simplesimon2010 #eternals #deadpool2 #thedevilallthetime #barbarian2022 #assassinationnation #hemlockgrove

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pollenallergie · 8 months

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Ok but back in one of my old fandoms I also shipped two characters played by the same actor so I feel you very hard on that one (it all started with that fuckin Pink music video back in the day 💀)

Oh this is not at all new territory for me, don’t worry. I saw Bill Skarsgård play Axel Cluney in Deadpool 2 and then Mickey in Villains and I genuinely thought to myself “they should kiss. i wanna see them make out.”

… they’re basically the same fucking character. like they look the exact same. of all the characters i’ve seen Bill play, these two easily look the most alike. and yet… i wanna see ‘em kiss…. sue me.

i think there’s something seriously wrong with me.

#speaking my truth #even if it’s fucked #ask and i shall reply #moots moots lovely moots <3 #mac <3

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jackandjackiekennedylover · 3 years

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More then one

Imagine Axel Cluney from Deadpool 2 and Gordon Merkel from Atomic Blonde meet Roman Godfrey from Hemlock Grove and you have a surprise for Roman at the end .

Um. Why am I seeing three of you and please tell me why, You asked ?

We have a huge problem, Roman said .

Who are those two, You asked ?

I'm Gordon Merkel, Merkel said.

I’m Axel Cluney, Axel said .

Nice to meet you two, You said .

How is this possible and why do you guys look like me, Roman asked ?

We are from different worlds and the look likes that I don't know, Merkel said .

Why do you wear a mask axel, You asked ?

The reason why I wear a mask is bc I spit acid, Axel said .

Oh ok, You said .

That is just creepy and weird as fuck, Both Merkel and Roman said

Stop judging him and I didn't judge you for being an upir, You said as you smack Roman behind the head .

Ow. What the hell y/n, Roman said as he rubs where you had smack him at .

It's your own fault, You mumbled .

Why didn't you smack him to, Roman said as he points at Merkel .

Merkel stared at you with a look .

I'm good and he isn't my husband, You said .

Roman glared at you .

Stop glaring at me and that is getting old fast and you always do it when you don't get your way, You said with a smirk.

Shut up, Roman mumbled .

We can tell that you two have been married for a long time by how you two act around each other, Both Axel and Merkel said .

That isn't your fucking business, Roman snapped .

Roman Istvan Bill Godfrey will you stop that and you are embarrassing me, You said with glared .

I'm so sorry about him, You said .

It's alright and I had seen worse then Roman, Merkel said .

Back to your question. We have been married for three years and a half and it's always like this but not this bad, You said .

How do you handle Roman, Axel asked ?

I love him so much and some days he is nice and he isn't always like this now, You said .

I feel bad for you, Merkel said.

It's alright and we love each other and we have fights but we make up all the time and I can't live without Roman bc I love him so much and he has my heart, You said with a smile .

I love you too, Roman said as he smiles at you .

Um. I have something that I need to tell you and I'm a little scared of how you are going to react to this, You said.

What is it, Roman asked?

Roman. I'm pregnant, You said .

Roman eyes widened as he stares at you before a huge grin came upon his face .

I'm going to be a father, Roman said as he looks into your eyes .

Yes. You are going to be a dad, You said with a smile .

I love you so much, Roman said before he pulls you into a kiss .

I love you too, You said as you kiss him back .

#bill skarsgard #roman godfrey #roman godfrey imagine #deadpool2 #axel cluney #Gordon Merkel #atomic blonde #pregnancy #bill skarsgard imagine

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dresupi · 5 years

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i don’t need therapy, i just need to vent

Darcy Lewis Crack Challenge | Day 3: Stuck in an air vent |

Summary:

Darcy's stuck in an air vent and ofc her ex is the one who comes to unstick her.

Darcy bit down on her bottom lip and released the green 'button' on her phone screen that would connect her to the communication app she'd designed for Wade.. It was a simple enough app, she'd made one for the Avengers too. X-Force just seemed to use it more.

This mission wasn't supposed to be this complicated. It was supposed to be a quick job. One and done. Break in, steal the intel, sneak out.

But of course, it didn't go that way, because the universe hated Darcy Lewis. Hate, hate, hate, capital H.

Okay, maybe it didn't hate her, but it certainly loved fucking up things that were supposed to be easy and then laughing at her while she scrambled.

She probably shouldn't have tried to do this alone. She was technically a field agent, but mostly, everyone wanted her for tech. And the intel she'd stolen was about that. But field agenting was something she was still green at. But Cable had needed the intel, and everyone else glazed over when she started talking about dismantling the firewall, so. Here she was.

"What is it, Monkey?" Wade's voice responded.

"Wade," she replied.

"Use our code names, dearheart."

"WADE. This is a private channel. No one's hacking in, I promise."

"Still not right, but I can tell by your tone that things aren't exactly peachy keen, so I'll let that slide. My code name is Rainbow Smash, in case you forgot."

She hadn't. But he was right about the' no time' thing. "Look. I got the intel Cable asked for. That part was easy."

"Okay, I sense a but in the future. Or a, however. Probably a but."

"It's a but. These idiots came back from wherever the hell they were and now I'm stuck in this vent because if I shimmy out the way I came in, I'll not only alert everyone in this building with the resulting rumble, I'll probably get mowed down by assault rifles before I can even squeeze out of the vent."

"Where are you now?"

She looked around, her surroundings not helping in the slightest, so she pressed against the smartwatch on her wrist, swiping through all the screens until she found the infrared map. "Directly above the barracks. No one's there currently, but they will be in a few hours. And the longer I stay put, the more likely this vent will give way and I'll fall into AIM barracks on my ass."

"Damn those AIM bastards for needing a tight ten and a half every night…" Wade muttered. "Listen. We'll get you out. Just sit tight. I'll send someone in to get you."

"Right. Because another person in the vents is what we need."

"Look, you can't go crawling over their heads and risking them hearing you unless we got a clear shot out. Plus. Two is better than one."

"Only if one of the two is Cable," she countered.

"Noted."

"So you're sending Cable?

"Did I not say noted?" he asked.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Yes. But that doesn't always mean you're doing what I asked."

"I will do what's best for you, Monkey."

She sighed. "Give me an approximate wait time."

"Seven minutes."

"Okay. I'll chill for seven, and if no one's here, I'm calling you back."

"I'd expect nothing less."

She exhaled and lay her head down on her folded arms and started to count four hundred and twenty Mississippis.

Approximately three-hundred-ninety Mississippis later

"Incoming, Monkey," Wade's voice rang in her ear.

"Cable?" she asked hopefully.

"Nah. But I got you the next best thing."

She raised her head off her folded arms, watching as a very familiar face crawled around the corner in the vents. But it wasn't Cable.

"Axel!" she exclaimed, frowning as her ex continued army crawling towards her.

She got back on her comm. "Wade. WADE! I asked for Cable."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Axel replied, his voice on a slight delay in her ear as well.

"Why are you on my comm when you're right there?" she asked.

"Oh right. I kind of have everyone on the same channel. Or Bedlam did. I don't have admin access anymore," Wade replied.

She would facepalm, but she was kind of in an air vent, so she sighed heavily. "Who else is here?"

"Hiya Darce!" came Domino's bright greeting. "Cable's also here, but he's not talking. Typical."

"I would if I had something to say," was his terse reply. "Shatterstar's here too, pick on him instead."

"Only in spirit, I couldn't fit in Doppinder's cab," was the curt response.

She pressed her lips together in frustration. "Wade. I asked specifically for Cable."

"Zeitgeist is the next best thing."

Hardly. She turned her gaze to Axel's. She almost couldn't look at him. Pain bloomed right over her heart and she swallowed back the lump in her throat. This wasn't funny. This was raw and painful and the worst timing of ever for her to have to face him again.

"I don't mean to be rude," she began.

"Cable couldn't fit through the vents, so I'm here," Axel said sharply. "I'm pulling you out because I don't want you to get shot to pieces. Can we please put our personal shit to the side for the next half hour?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, embarrassed to be so perfectly called out for all the right reasons. This was work. Not some awkward night at Sister Margaret's where they caught each others' eyes and slunk to opposite tables, Darcy taking Cable and Domino, mostly because Cable was already sitting across the room from everyone else.

"Awesome," Axel said with a cool smirk.

"Aww, you guys…" Wade cooed on the comm. Both Darcy and Axel chose to ignore him, as did everyone else in the comm group chat

Axe switched to business mode immediately. Which Darcy was still in charge of her brain enough to admit was totally hot. "Follow me around the corner and they'll pull my cord, yank us both out slowly."

"How did they not hear you?" she asked.

"I crawled in over the laundry room. There was a load in the dryer so they couldn't hear me crawling. Won't have that luxury on the way back, so it's good they're dragging us." He shot her a quick smile that faded immediately. Almost like he'd forgotten for a second that they weren't in flirty banter mode.

"Heya Darce. Bedlam here…" The lower voice immediately shocked her until she remembered that they were all here. All of X-Force. Why Bedlam hadn't piped in during her impromptu roll call, she didn't know.

"Sure, what is it, B?" she asked, slowly moving around the corner.

"I'm out here on the roof with the pulley. Just letting you know that we gotta drag you slowly so the cord we attached to Axe won't snap."

"I'm not that heavy, am I?" Darcy joked.

"What? No! Not in the slightest, but this is a different sort of weight than it's used to. Just wanted to let ya know… … You're not big. You're not. Not what I meant."

Axel snickered a little, stopping when Darcy shot him a look. "What? You're not."

"It's fine, let's just get a move on, okay?" she replied.

A bead of sweat dripped down her forehead as she followed Axel around the corner. It was an awkward squeeze, but she finally made it.

"Okay. grab my hands," Axel said, holding both out in front of him.

"Just making sure, but… you're feeling alright, aren't you? You're not hungover, or nauseated, or claustrophobic or anything, are you?"

He shot her a look. "If I was, I wouldn't be doing this," he said. His tone taking on a much softer tone that called back to something Darcy wasn't ready to revisit just yet. The break up was too fresh.

She simply nodded tersely and held out both arms towards him. He gripped her gloved hands tightly

"We're ready," he said.

Slowly, they began to inch forward. Backward for Axel, but down the vent, regardless.

Bedlam had been right. It was slow. Achingly slow.

"D, you alright, baby?" Bedlam's voice came into her comm and she nodded before stopping herself and actually replying out loud.

"Doing fine. I don't weigh too much for the cord, do I?" she teased, even though her heart wasn't in it, what with being dragged slowly through the vent by her ex and all.

"Darcy… you know that's not what I meant. You're a good healthy weight." He paused before continuing, "We'll have both of ya outta there soon."

"Umm…" A decidedly more timid voice joined in. "Is there any way I can mute you guys?"

Axel frowned, tilting his head as he tried to recognize the voice. "Peter?"

Darcy groaned in protest. "Wade. Is Peter with you guys?" He had to stop bringing him to dangerous places like this.

"No, actually…" Wade replied.

"I'm at my nephew's bar mitzvah," Peter replied.

"Why do you have your comm with you?" Bedlam asked, sounding slightly perturbed.

"Well. After Darcy set it up for me, I didn't want to mess it up, so it just… pairs to my headset automatically…"

"Well, just unpair your headset," Darcy said. This was actually something she knew how to fix. "It should send the call back to the app on your phone, and you can disconnect."

"Oh great. Thank you!" Peter sounded relieved, so they all waited a few moments, Axe and herself slowly inching down the vent the whole while. A snail was probably faster.

"Uh oh…" Peter's voice sounded distinctly more echo-y. As did the background noise. Which very quickly became numerous groans of anguish.

"What is uh-oh?" Darcy asked.

"I might have… sent the group chat to the DJ's Bluetooth speakers…"

"Disconnect from the speakers," Darcy exclaimed. "Peter. Just disconnect from--"

At that moment, she and Axe stopped moving. Since they weren't moving fast to begin with, it wasn't jarring, but he grunted out a sound that vaguely registered to her as pain, so she abruptly snapped her attention to him.

"I'm caught on something," he said. "Stop pulling." He released her hands and slipped his arm down his side, rummaging around before ceasing all movement entirely. He exhaled loudly. "Shit."

"Language!" Peter chastised. "You're still on the DJ's Bluetooth… I'm so sorry, these are my coworkers… that last part was for the bar mitzvah guests," he explained. "But really, if you could all watch your language."

"We're kind of in deep doo-doo, here, Peter," Darcy hissed.

"Thank you. Just like that. Thanks, Darcy."

"For the love of--"

"It's my tact belt," Axel concluded, looking back at Darcy. "Something's snagged."

"Great. Take off the belt and we'll go," she said.

"Not that easy, I can't fit it through the loops with everything attached to it. I also can't reach where I'm snagged, so…"

She sighed. "So I need to? Is that what you're so eloquently refusing to ask me?"

He made some sort of movement that was probably supposed to be a shrug. "Well yes. I can't quite bend that way. You're smaller."

"You are," Bedlam piped in, happy to finally be able to save his ass from his combined weight statement before. "You're so much smaller and--"

"Shut it, both of you. Left or right?" she asked, nodding once when Axel jutted his head to the left.

Darcy let go of his hands, inching forward until she could hook her chin over his shoulder and reach down to where he was snagged. She couldn't see what she was doing, but she could definitely smell his cologne and aftershave and laundry detergent. It made her eyes water, but not in a 'jesus-christ-stop-wearing-so-much-product' kind of way. It was more of a triggered memory kind of thing, and she didn't like this in the slightest.

"Okay, I think I found where to unpair the speakers," Peter said.

"Glory be," she deadpanned. "I was waiting with bated breath."

She felt Axel snicker a little, but she didn't really want to think about him at all. She just wanted this to be over. And the sooner she could swear again, the better.

"Uh-oh. Again…" Peter lamented.

"What now?" Axel asked.

"Instead of unpairing, I think I hit the stream button. Now we've got video streaming on the digital projector on the stage…" Peter replied.

"Video of what, exactly?" Darcy asked.

"Zeitgeist's helmet has a cam on it," was Bedlam's response.

"So you're seeing what Axe is seeing?" Darcy asked. "Which is what? Dark tunnel?"

"Well, considering my head is on your shoulder, I'm looking down your backside…" Axel said.

"Turn your head immediately!" Darcy said, sliding her hand around to finally unhook whatever it was from his tact belt.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose," Axel said softly. "Promise."

"I don't care if you see it. This is just work, right?"

"Right," he said with a short nod.

"But Peter's nephew's bar mitzvah doesn't need to see it. Peter, turn off your phone and leave it off until you leave again."

"I'm so sorry, Darcy," Peter sounded sincere. He always did, but she couldn't be anything but terse right now.

"I know, babe. Just… turn it off completely, should unlink you from everything."

"Peter has left the chat," a robotic voice informed everyone.

She slid the items out of Axel's tact belt and into her hand. She scooted back and handed them to him. It looked like ninja stars, but knowing Axe, it was likely some kind of poisonous lethal weapon of some kind. Or else it was food disguised as a weapon. "Here. Put that somewhere else."

Waiting for them to start getting tugged again, she reached for his hands as they began to gently move down the vent once more.

Darcy avoided Axel's gaze until they reached the end and he slid out the vent and got out of her way. They were at the opposite end of the roof. There was a small drop, but nothing she couldn't handle if she was flipped around.

Which she wasn't, so she waffled, frowning a little until Axel reached up and plucked her from the vent and into his brief, but lingering embrace.

Bedlam was there, unhooking his cord/pulley system from Axel and the outside of the vent. He snapped the whole thing back into a small box and gestured to the side of the building. "We'll have to rappel down the side of the building there. Doppinder's got his cab waiting out front.

"Are you kidding? He's just idling out there? I thought he dropped everyone off!"

"The others are with him. Cable and Domino. Wade."

"So Domino's keeping everyone safe and Wade and Cable are just…" she trailed off.

"Superfluous, yes," replied Bedlam.

"Well, if Domino's there. It's a shame y'all didn't think to send her into the vent," Darcy joked. "She would have fit and maybe some of her luck would have rubbed off."

Bedlam shifted awkwardly, glanced over at Axel, and gestured to the side of the roof. "I'll set in the grappling hooks. T-minus two minutes."

Darcy watched him leave, frowning a little. "That was weird. I guess he's in a hurry?" she said, taking a step towards him, but stopping because Axel had grabbed her hand.

"Look, I might as well tell you. I volunteered to go in after you."

She frowned. "Why? It would have been easier if--"

"You know I'm a control freak. I wanted to know first hand that you were alright. I couldn't have just… sat down there in the cab and listened. Wade had to send me."

"I would have been fine--"

"I wanted to save you, okay?"

"You didn't save me. You assisted me."

He smirked. "Fine. I wanted to assist you…" He trailed off. "Long story short, I want to be the one you call when you need help, okay?"

"You kind of lost that perk when we decided I couldn't call you for anything else."

"We nothing. You decided that."

"Bull. You're the one who said you were dangerous," she countered. "Too dangerous, if I recall. That whole bullshit superhero excuse that is so old it should be called the Steve Rogers."

"I know what I said. I regret it and I'm sorry. But you were the one who ended things."

"Because you kept Steve Rogering me into non-committal booty-call purgatory! Do you know how many nights of sleep I've lost over you?"

"No, tell me. I'll make up for each one." He raised his eyebrows a little, his tone monotonous and droning.

She laughed. "Ass. You know I don't lose sleep for anything."

"But I understand the sentiment. I'm sorry if being my non-committed booty-call made you feel anything less than wonderful."

"This past month's been a whole lot less than wonderful, Axe."

"Look, I know. It's been hell for me too. I want to do this the right way. I want to be the one you call for everything. Doesn't matter what. You made too many cookies? Call me. You're lonely and you don't want to fall asleep alone, call me."

"What if I need tampons?"

"Call me," he said, chuckling a little.

"Um. Hi. Ms. Lewis? Mr… Geist? Just letting you know, you were talking way longer than two minutes," Doppinder said over the comm. "Not to interrupt, but the meter is running…"

"Oh my god," Darcy reached into her pocket, scrambling to disconnect from the app on her phone. Axel did the same, but everyone had already heard. "Doppinder's on the comm?"

"He's why Wade doesn't have admin privileges anymore," explained Axel. They both turned and ran towards a very impatient Bedlam.

They all three rappelled down the side of the building and made a break for Doppinder's cab. Slipping into the backseat, Axel squeezed between Bedlam and Cable. Darcy hopped into Domino's lap, her legs stretched out over everyone else's.

Wade reached for the handle beside his head as Doppinder peeled out and turned around.

Domino glanced over at Axel after a long quiet moment. "Will you pick up tampons for me, too?"

Axel shrugged. "Text me a picture, so I know which ones to get."

Darcy's mouth quirked up a little. She was so gonna kiss his brains out later.

Wait. She didn't have to be so PG, she could swear again...

Eh. You know what I mean.

#AcidTaser #Darcy Lewis #Zeitgeist #Darcy/Zeitgeist #dlaf2019 #Crack Challenge

21 notes · View notes

romangodfreyownsmyass · 2 years

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Aha I’m fucking shaking

148 notes · View notes

faebirdie · 6 years

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Not-So Repressed Feelings

Pairing: Axel Cluney/fem!Reader

Category: Fluff/Angst

Words: 5,508

Warnings: Cursing, Hints toward sex, Talk of stalking and creepy men, Minor Violence, Standoffish!Axel

Summary: Axel can’t stop himself from falling for the girl he’s been told to protect, despite trying his absolute hardest not to.

A/N’s: Guess who jumped on the Bill Skarsgard train and immediately fell in love with a character that we barely know anything about? This dumbass! Anyways, I started writing this fic and planning it out before Deadpool 2 had come out, so its not at all cannon complicit and due to my lack of knowledge about the plot or even Axel himself, its probably more of an AU. I was also thinking about doing a fluffier part 2. Would anyone be interested in that? Also, I haven’t posted anything knew since October so, sorry about that! Requests are still open at the moment if anyone would like to send anything in, though please make sure to read my request rules first!

Masterlist & Request Rules

You aren’t sure how to process what you’re hearing. And to be honest you already weren’t quite sure what to think when you had opened your front door to the two people standing in front of you now. They were both a bit strange, this girl with her pixie cut and dark lipstick stained scowl and the tall man covered in tattoos. They might have been the ones coming to you, but that didn’t seem to help with there standoffishness. Nor did the fact that what they were telling you was absolutely insane and horrifying. They both maintain straight, unchanged faces as they tell you that a man who had become interested in you was a complete psychopath and that you might be in danger because of it. Neither of them even tried to comfort you as they told you the man you’d come to mainly just come to know as a good tipper when he came in to the diner where you worked at was actually a very dangerous criminal.

You’re quick to slam the door to your apartment in their faces, assuming they were both out of their minds. You couldn’t seem to stop thinking about what all they had just told you as you locked every lock on your door before moving to sit on your couch. And more specifically about how it didn’t actually seem completely out of the realm of possibility. You had always gotten a weird vibe from this man, especially after noticing how his knuckles were often all cut up, as if he spent a lot of his time punching something, or someone. About how it would explain some of the weird stuff that had happened lately, like how you had found a bouquet of your favorite flowers randomly on your doorstep on a couple of different occasions or why he was always staring at you. It would explain why he seemed to only come in when you were working, even though he shouldn’t have any way of knowing your schedule and why he was always so rude to any of the men who worked with you, and only the men. And of course, it would explain the car with the dark windows that you kept seeing everywhere you went.

In fact, the more you thought about it the more it actually made sense that he could be exactly what they had told you he was. And the more you thought about the possibility of him actually being what they had said, being some sort of vicious mob enforcer, the more nervous and paranoid you became. You hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten, you were so caught up in your thoughts. At this point your heart seemed to be trying to beat its way out of your chest and your hands were shaking so bad that you could barely grab your keys off of the hook by your door without dropping them. Your mind feels so scattered and you aren’t even thinking through anything you were doing at this point. You don’t know where you’re going, and you had absolutely no idea what to do next. You just knew that you needed to get out of your small, constraining apartment.

Though in the end, you didn’t need to think through it much longer, because you didn’t even make it fully out of your entryway before noticing the tall man, alone this time, who was now sitting against the wall across from your apartment. He’s quick to hold his hands out in front of himself in a passive gesture when he notices the worried look placed on your face due to his presence, though you are quick to try to hide the emotion, not wanting to show this strange man any weakness. You take a deep breath before forcing yourself to speak, “W-What are you still doing here?”

He slowly pulls his large body up into a standing position before answering your question, “Someone has to be here to make sure you don’t get hurt, whether you believe us about your situation or not.”

Something about the way he says it throws you off. The monotone voice he uses and the relaxed way he is leaning his shoulder against the wall behind him makes it seem as if he couldn’t give less of a shit about you or whether or not you’re ok. Like this is nothing more than a job to him. It throws you off enough that you don’t make any move to stop him when he pushes past you and makes his way into your small apartment.

Your quick to pull yourself out of your daze though and cautiously follow him inside, though you make sure to stand close enough to the door to make a quick exit, just in case it comes to that.

“Can you prove it?” You try to keep your voice steady this time, not wanting him to know just how truly terrified you actually are. He takes a moment to look around before answering you. You watch him carefully as his eyes wander around the brightly lit apartment, taking in your large bookshelf and the photos of your friends and family that decorate the small place before allowing his eyes to wander over to you.

“I can,” he starts, his eyes staring straight into yours, an almost hypnotizing glow to them, “But, I don’t think a sweet girl like you’s gonna like what’s on the photos I have, so how bout you let me actually fully explain what’s going on and then you can decide whether or not you want to see them?”

He words it like it’s a question, like he’s giving you the choice, but the way he says it and the look he’s giving you say otherwise. So, instead of replying you just stand there, staring at him and raising your eyebrows, the closest he’s gonna get to an actual response from you. The corner of his mouth quirks up a little at your response as he walks towards your couch and sits down, making himself at home. You scoff when he gestures to the seat next to him, which gains an eye roll from him.

“If I wanted to hurt you, I would of already and that weak door wouldn’t have stopped me from getting in here. Now please, sit?” His first sentence is rough and cocky, which seems to just be his general vibe, but when he asks you to sit it’s gentler, more calming the agitating. After a moment of hesitation, you move from your spot near the door and sit on the far end of the couch from him. He nods at this before turning his eyes up towards the ceiling, trying to find the right words for what he is about to say.

“It’s not a large gang,” He starts, still hesitant, “but they have some power behind them and a very anti-mutant agenda. That’s why we started paying attention to them.” His jaw clenches as he says this, though he’s thrown off when a chuckle escapes your lips, lips that he’s already had a hard time keeping his eyes off of if he’s being honest with himself.

You’re about to explain when he starts speaking again, “Which is why you’re important. From what we’ve heard, their doing experiments on some missing mutants, most of them homeless kids they’ve picked off the street. And this guy who’s interested in you clearly doesn’t know about your mutation, I’d assume?”

You’re not able to keep the shock from your face when he says this. You didn’t how he knew about that and it worries you. You’ve tried so hard to keep it a secret. He waits a moment for you to process what he’s said before speaking again. He explains how a friend of yours had gone to his group for help after figuring out who the man from the diner – Lenny, he calls him – was. He tells her that while the not so casual stalking was already bad enough, him finding out about your powers could be worse.

At this point you have began to shake even worse than you had been earlier. He must have notice this too because he leans towards you slightly before saying in a gentle voice, “It’s gonna be ok though. We’re close to getting him anyways and until then, I’m gonna keep you safe.”

He seems to soften just slightly when he says this, though he’s quick to hide it. You don’t even know where to begin with the questions you have at this point. You don’t know whether you should ask about his plan for keeping you safe or why this group of his cares about some random mutant girl who can barely make ends meet or even who his group was, so instead you ask the question that just keeps clawing its way to the front of you mind, hoping it doesn’t sound too rude, “Why you?”

He looks away when you ask this, trying to ignore the fact that he is hurt by some random girl he doesn’t even know. You start talking again before he can answer, already feeling bad, “Not that I don’t appreciate it! I do! It’s just that-“ You stop for a second trying to find the right words, “That I don’t get why you, your group would want to help me. I’m not important or anything. And you, well honestly you don’t really seem to care all that much.”

He fails to keep himself from staring at your lips when you start to bite them, but he pulls himself out of it quickly and answers you, “We can’t exactly just sit by and let an innocent girl get hurt and I happen to be the only one free enough to watch out for you.” There’s only a little bit of malice in the way he says it, but it’s still enough for you to know that you did in fact offend him, which only makes you feel worse.

Instead of forcing the topic though, you move on and ask him your next most pressing question, “So, what’s the plan then?”

To say that the next couple of days are awkward would be an understatement. You and Zeitgeist, as he had told you to call him, didn’t exactly mesh all that well. He’s all sharp edges and bitter words, while you are much softer, gentler. Neither of you seem to be adjusting well to being around each other as much as you have to be for this to work. And of course you didn’t. You had gone from not knowing each other whatsoever to spending all of your free time together. He walked you to and from work, your internship, friend’s houses, and wherever else you were going on any given day and after more gifts had started to appear on your doorstep, he had even started staying at your place, sleeping on you couch. Which only made everything that much more awkward.

You felt bad that he was stuck sleeping on you small, crappy couch, – especially with how large of a man he is – and had been trying to make it up to him by making him breakfast and coffee in the mornings and trying to find little things in common that you guys had to talk about, but all of this only seemed to make him like you even less. He clearly isn’t much of a talker, and you get that, you really do, but would it kill him to have the occasional, casual conversation with the girl he’s stuck spending all his time with.

That wasn’t to say he wasn’t keeping up his end of the bargain. You did absolutely feel safer with him around. He was an intimidating guy and Lenny had been coming into the diner less and less lately because of it. In fact, the only times Zeitgeist had been truly kind to you were the couple of times you had become truly worried for your safety. Like yesterday when a bottle of strong smelling perfume was left on your doorstep and he had kneeled down in front of you by the couch and talked you out of an anxiety attack, carefully to give you your space, but still keeping a hand on you knee. It had been just enough contact for you to ground yourself, and it reminded you that you weren’t alone.

After that though, he barely said a word to you on your walk to the diner, only nodding along every now and then while you were talking to him. He had actually barely said anything to you since. It’s not until you get back to your place after your day at the news station you interned at that you brought it up.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask him in a small, nervous voice.

He can hear the worry in your voice when you ask him. He almost wants to coo at how sweet you sound, but is quick to remind himself that this is just a job and you are just some random girl he’s been told to protect. That this was all gonna be over eventually and then you would probably never see each other again. And he wasn’t about to lie to himself and pretend like you two were the kind of people to have any sort of unforced relationship. He knew you were both too different for that. There was no point in getting attached.

He takes a deep breath, before replying in a tight voice, “No. I don’t even talk much with my friends. What do you expect from me? This is just a job, Y/N.”

He immediately feels bad about how harsh he sounded when he sees your hurt face and the way your eyes widen at his sharp tone. He feels the need to reach out to comfort you but is quick to remind himself that getting close with you would only end with both of you hurting. The conversation comes to a quick conclusion when you mumble a quiet, “Ok.”

It goes on like that for about the next week and a half. Neither of you talk all that much, though you do continue to make him breakfast and even goes as far as to buy him a bigger blanket the next time you go to the store when you notice that the one you had given him doesn’t cover his whole body very well. You refuse to let his standoffishness affect you, choosing instead to continue to be sweet to the man protecting you. And to your surprise, it almost seemed to be working. I mean, he didn’t exactly turn into a giant sweetheart overnight, but you had started to notice a bit of a softer side to him.

You don’t know if he even knew he was showing it though. But you noticed. You noticed how he had started to hold doors open for you and how he had started to be less subtle with his protectiveness, even going so far as to occasionally rest his hand on the small of your back when you guys were in a shady area of town. And while you didn’t bring it up, you had noticed how he had thrown a blanket over you the one time you had fallen asleep on the couch while watching tv after a particularly long day, before eventually carrying you to bed when it got late. And of course, there was the fact that he could never stop a slight blush from gliding over his cheeks the couple of times you had accidently let the nickname ‘Ziggy’ pass through your lips.

Zeitgeist had noticed however, and if he was being honest with himself, it was really started to piss him off. Spending time around pretty girls wasn’t exactly anything new for him, especially since he had joined the X-Force team, but none of them had affected him the way you did.

And to be fair, your current circumstances are more than a little different than how it had been with those girls. They were normally just one nights stands that he had met in some shitty bar. He didn’t ever really get, or in some cases give himself, the chance to get to know them the way he had with you. He didn’t know their favorite tv shows or their hobbies. He had never watched them dance around their kitchens in the morning to cheery music while they made him breakfast. And if he was being honest with himself, he knew that those girls didn’t really care for him, at least not much. They were mostly just with him because he was some fucked up sort of superhero.

It didn’t feel that way with you though. I mean sure, he was only around you because of him being part of the X-Force, but you didn’t seem to idolize him for it the way the others had. You were kind to him just for the sake of being kind. You tried to have conversations with him because you genuinely wanted to, and on the rare occasion that he actually did join in, you truly listened to him, because you really cared about what he had to say.

And despite how hard he was trying, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from getting attached to you. You and your sweet smile and big e/c eyes. He just couldn’t stop himself from falling for you and your kind heart. And he hated it.

The more he recognized this, the more he tried to push you away. The way he saw it, it was better to push you away now then to have both of you become attached and just make it all that much harder when you inevitably lose track of each other. The two of you aren’t similar enough to stay close without the forced circumstances you were currently under. Or at least that’s what he though.

So, instead of just allowing his walls to get knocked down by you and your sweetness, he had started pushing back against his feelings, and therefore you harder. Which had led you both to where you were tonight.

You had only been back in your apartment for about 20 minutes when his bitter response to your question about dinner had set you off. It honestly wasn’t even the worst thing that had ever been said to you, and normally you would just let it go, but for whatever reason, today it set you off. Maybe it was the fact that your day had been an absolute trainwreck, one bad thing followed by the next, or maybe it was how little you had slept lately due to the anxiety of having a psychopathic stalker, but you finally just hit your breaking point.

“Does pasta sound ok? I haven’t really had the chance to go to the store lately, so there’s not much else to make.”

Even Axel doesn’t like what comes out of his mouth next, he just says it hoping that you’ll eventually tell him to go to hell and stop being so nice to him, “Maybe if you spent less of your time trying to force me to talk you’d of had the time.”

He knows it’s a low blow before he’s even had a chance to look at your face to see your response. He’s not expecting what you say next though.

“What in the hell is your problem with me?” You throw the dish rag you were holding down on the counter and cross your arms over your chest, “I understand that you don’t want to spend all of your time babysitting some random girl, ok! I get that, but I have gone out of my way to be nice to you and the least you could do is not be a giant asshole!”

You put your hand up to stop him when you notice him open his mouth to speak. You’re not ready to stop talking yet, even though the logical part of your brain is screaming at you to shut up, “You don’t get to just act like you’re some sort of sociopath who doesn’t care at all about the people around him, ok?! Because that’s bullshit and we both know it. You care Z, I know you do! You’re not as good at hiding it as you think you are and if you don’t knock it off, if you don’t start acting like a fucking human being, you’re not gonna have anyone left to care about because no one is gonna want to be around you!”

He can see your eyes widen when you say this last bit, clearly just as surprised as he is about how harsh you were being. He had never seen you like this before and he didn’t like it. He missed the gentle girl he had come know, who had given him her softest pillow to sleep on and who had made sure had manly smelling shampoo in her shower. But, he also knew that everything you were saying was true, whether he wanted to believe it or not. He couldn’t keep this up. And he had to start somewhere.

“Ziggy-“ He’s the one who holds his hand up to stop you this time, and it works. You stare up at him with big worried eyes.

“Axel.”

“What?” You ask, surprised by both his strange reply and that fact that he said in such a calm voice, when you had half expected him to start yelling at you.

“My name, my real name. It’s Axel. Axel Cluney.”

And it’s a small start, but a start nonetheless.

Opening up to people hadn’t ever really been Axel’s strong suit, though he does have to admit, it is at least a little bit easier with you. Once he had finally decided to give you a chance anyways. You were easy to talk to and a quite a good listener, not that he talked all that much still. Though, he did join in on conversations quite a bit more now. He had even started to open up to you about his personal life. He tells you about the auto shop he owns and about how he had joined the X-Force team. He eventually even opens up to you about how he had found out about his powers in the first place, about the girl whose face he had burned as a teenager, though it does take a night of drinking shitty beer at your place before he tells you all about that one.

Nights like tonight had become pretty common place lately. Nights where you get home from work and order a pizza or some takeout instead of actually cooking. Nights where you both just chill out, binge watching some sci-fi show or playing some random video game. You quickly learn that Axel is incredibly good at first person shooter games, to the point that playing them with him can be almost annoying.

Tonight, the two of you are slumped on the couch watching the most recent season of The Walking Dead and eating sloppily from cartons of orange chicken and lo mein. You eat in silence for a while. The quiet is only interrupted a few times, like when you start fangirling over just how badass Michonne is and when he makes a comment about being hotter than Daryl is while covered in grime, which makes you giggle. At some point during the night, after the food is long since forgotten, you had wound up laying on your side on the couch with your feet in his lap and his hand gently rubbing up and down your calves. Small moments of affection like this has become a regular occurrence between the two of you. Almost mindless even. Some things hadn't changed though.

You’re still careful not to refer to him by his real name in public, instead just sticking to little nicknames that still make him blush a little, like Z or Ziggy. And he had even slipped up a few times recently, letting pet names like Sweetheart and Angel roll off his tongue before blushing just a little and looking away. And his protective nature had only gotten all the more obvious. He keeps his hand on the small of your back most of the time that you two are out and about and is quick to stare down anyone he sees as a threat, namely Lenny.

And you don’t know if it’s because he’s scared of Axel or just because he doesn’t want anything to do with anyone assorted with such an obvious mutant, but the gifts stop coming. They are instead replaced with glares and snarled insults when he comes into the diner and you still see the same car around enough to know that whatever this is, isn’t over. So Axel continues to stick around and as you get to know him more, you can’t stop yourself from developing feelings for the man sitting underneath your legs at the moment.

You honestly can’t help yourself the more he shows his softer side around you and the more you realize that he really is just a gentle giant with a tough outer persona. And you can’t help but feel incredibly special that he’s willing to let down that persona for you.

You don’t realize that you’re staring at him until he does, when he turns his head to look back at you and gives you one of his rare, sweet smiles. You heart flutters at this and you almost want to kick yourself for letting this man turn you into a blushing school girl. He gives your leg a gentle squeeze before turning back to face the tv again.

Nights like this make you almost want to ask him what this unspoken thing between the two of you is, but you never do. You fear that bringing it up will throw off whatever this is. That your straightforwardness with scare off this kind man who was just starting to open up to you. Or even worse, that he won’t know what you’re talking about at all. What if he doesn’t feel the same way and is instead just a really affectionate guy with the people he is close to and only thinks of you as a friend? It would break your heart to lose him, and whatever you to have, so instead you just keep your mouth shut and enjoy moments like this when you have them. When your lucky enough to be near him and have his affections all focused on you.

You and Axel aren’t often very far apart when you aren’t at your separate jobs. Today though, he had had to walk off for a few minutes to take a private phone call from Wade, so he had left you sitting at a small table at your favorite coffee shop with some papers for your internship to look over while he stood outside and talked on the phone. You glance out the window to check on him and find him looking back at you with his phone still pressed to his ear. It’s clearly not a very happy phone call, so you send him a little smile and wave. He sends you back a small, timid grin but is quickly back into his phone call, so you go back to reading your papers.

Your eyes are drawn back away from your papers once again when the barista meanders over to your table and gives you a polite grin before asking if you need a refill. You decline, explaining to the young man that you should be heading out soon.

“Wells that’s a shame. ‘S always nice to have such a pretty face around here.”

You blush a little at his unasked-for compliment and thank him awkwardly, looking back towards Axel to see that he is still on his call. The barista, David his nametag says, continues to stand in front of you, a small grin still stretched over his tan face. He is attractive, that’s for sure, but something about having another man flirt with you seems wrong. And, of course, you know this is ridiculous. That there probably isn't anything real going on between Axel and you and you know that you’ve probably just built it up in you head, but it still feels like you’re his somehow.

“What’s your name, beautiful?”

You once again hesitate a bit before replying, deciding that there was absolutely nothing wrong with one little conversation with the hot barista. Your voice is slightly less confident when you answer than you would like it to be, “Y/N. I’m Y/N.”

“David,” He says with a cocky smile, holding his hand out to you to shake.

Axel comes back in less than a minute later to find David flirting with you and you replying with forced laughs and kinda awkward jokes back. He heads straight towards you table, before coming to a stop right next to your chair, his shoulders back and arms crossed.

“Sorry that took so long. You ready to go, Angel?” He tries hard to keep the jealousy out of his voice, especially since he himself isn’t quite ready to admit that that is indeed what he is feeling.

You nod quickly, ready to get out of this uneasy situation and give David a quick smile before standing up and following Axel out the door. Neither of you try all that hard to start up a conversation on your way back home. The air between you two is tense, though not tense like it was before he had told you his name. It’s different this time.

His demeanor isn’t distant like it was back then. His hand is still resting on your back like it had been lately, his other one hanging in a fist at his side and his chest is puffed out a bit more than normal. He seems almost…jealous. You’re a bit shocked when you come to this conclusion honestly. He never seemed the possessive type to you, though you can’t say your entirely disliking this side of him.

He shuts your front door a bit harder then normal when you both step into your apartment and that’s when you finally decide to bring it up. “Is everything ok, Axel?”

Hearing you call him by his real name still did something to him, even though its been a while since he told you it and it’s still somehow enough to calm him down slightly.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

You can barely stop yourself from rolling your eyes at this, and are quick to realize that if you wanted this actually resolved, you were gonna have to do it yourself.

“No, I don’t think you are.”

His eyebrows raise, and he can’t stop himself from letting his more defensive side get ahead of him. “Of really, sweetheart. And why’s that?” He crosses his arms back over his chest subconsciously.

“Because,” you stop for a second, unsure of how to fraise it, before deciding to just go for it, “I think you’re jealous.”

His eyes widen a bit, but you start speaking again before he can say anything, “And honestly, I don’t think you have the right to be.”

Your demeanor had started to imitate his and your arms had also made their way to cross over your chest. Though he uncrosses his just a moment later and scoffs slightly before running one of his large hands through his already messy hair. Axel isn’t used to being left speechless and he definitely doesn’t like it. But, at some point he knows that he has to just deal with the fact that you have some sort of crazy effect on him, because in all actuality, he kind of loves it.

His hands move to rest on his hips before he finally finds his voice again, “And how did you come to this conclusion?”

You take a deep breath before answering, forcing them out despite the anxiety they are causing you, “Well, you haven’t exactly claimed me in any way that would give you the right to be upset that another guy was flirting with me, now have you?”

His head tilts a bit to the side at this and he narrows his eyes at you. His long legs move him towards you slowly, careful to give you enough time to tell him to back off before he stops to stand directly in front of you, forcing your back against the wall behind you. “And is that what you want, Angel?”

Air catches in your throat at his gruff whisper, but you force yourself to nod. That is what you wanted anyways, to be his and have him be yours.

He has to lean down to get close enough to kiss you, mumbling a quietly as he does so, “Have it your way then.”

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sweetbillwriting · 2 years

Text

The Stranger I Love

Friendship Never Ends - Part 7

Characters: AU Axel Cluney (Zeitgeist) from Deadpool 2 played by Bill Skarsgård. The rest is my own original characters.

Warnings: 18+, smut, drugs, alcohol, drunkeness, mentions of suicide, toxic relationships, psychological abuse.

Notes: This chapter will also have heavy themes. I think it might be two chapters left now of this story.

I had promised Axel I’d meet him so we could go to the optician together. He was nervous about it and it was really sweet to see a guy like him getting nervous for a simple thing like doing an eye check. I stood by the parking lot and shifted between looking towards the entrance door he would come out from and his old car. It was strange to think that he shared it with his girlfriend. A girl I had seen some pictures of but never met. Maybe the most important person in his life. She was pretty and looked like a free loving person. I pictured Axel and her having done some wild things together. I had already overheard him telling his friend Wes about a threesome he had had with her and her friend. He didn't look so amused when he spoke about it and for me it was an indication that he probably has done those sorts of things plenty of times before. Me on the other hand, I have done much less. Many believed me to be more experienced than I was because I was more "alternative" and yeah, I had been to many concerts, big parties and wasn't unfamiliar with alcohol and weed but when it came to sex I wasn't as wild as people thought. I had the same boyfriend for many years, we met in school and our sex life continued to be as innocent as it was when we were seventeen. It wasn't even a guess that Axel was more experienced than I.

He came out from the entrance door together with Wes and they talked about something with neutral expressions, the lecture probably. The both of them were completely dressed in black, just like me. Axel flashed a big smile when he saw me and I smiled kindly to both him and Wes.

"Hey…" said Axel like the word came out fast but he then didn't know how to end the sentence. He often called me all different kinds of pet names, everything from honey to Trixie after Bellatrix in Harry Potter. We had a marathon with Wes and my friend Lucy at my place and after that I became Bellatrix for him. Some maybe would take offense but I got why he called me that.

Wes probably felt the room because he also said hello to me and gave me a friendly hug, that made it okay for Axel to hug me too. I felt his fingers linger on my coat, stroking the soft fur like material.

"This feels like a cat! Have you killed Shadow or Dark?" Axel said and continued to pat my arms. I gave him a pointed smile.

"No, this is made of a plastic cat I think," I said but let Axel continue to pet my arms. Wes sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes it really feels like you have smoked some fine ass shit before lectures," he said and watched Axel amused while Axel's eyes were transfixed on my jacket.

"So Theo, Saturday at your place?" Wes continued and ignored Axel.

"Yeah, nothing complicated, just pizza and some wine. I should say hello from Lucy, she had to hurry to her job."

It wasn't a secret that there was something happening between Wes and my friend Lucy and it made our friendly hang outs a bit more complicated.

Axel and I said goodbye to Wes and then walked to his car together. We discussed the plan for Saturday, our studies and also my brothers' interests in cars. It was never hard for me to talk to Axel and I often found myself telling him stuff I hadn't really told anyone else but the closer we came to the optician the less Axel talked. His large eyes were telling and I could see the nervousness in them.

"They will just show you letters and pictures to see what kind of glasses you need. And then you will try different frames. I think something rounder will suit you."

Axel parked the car and looked at me.

"Why do you think that?" He asked curiously and then looked at his reflection in the rear view mirror.

"I don't know, your forehead is quite squared and you don't really have much roundness to your face so I think round frames would soften your features."

Axel listened closely and continued to look at his face. It always felt like Axel listened to me like I knew all the world's secrets. I knew that he would get round glasses, he always listened to me.

Axel didn't have to stand out so much when he walked into the store but with his nervous clumsiness everyone looked at him, he even walked into a spinning rack but his fast reflexes saved it from falling down on the floor. I took his hand in mine to calm him down. I smiled at him, both to sooth him but also because it was quite endearing to see him like that.

The eye check wasn't at all as scary as Axel had thought and I could see he was excited to try on frames when the optician told him that he could do that. The optician smiled a bit amused at Axel's excitement.

"And your girlfriend can help," she suddenly said and smiled at me.

"Oh I'm not…" I said but Axel interrupted.

"I have a girlfriend! That isn't her. Another girlfriend. another girl I mean," he stuttered. The optician smiled uncomfortably and took her chance to walk into her office again. Axel looked around in the store like he felt some sort of panic and played with a ring on his index finger.

"Should you try something," I asked carefully to kill the uncomfortable silence and Axel's growing anxiety. He nodded a little but it took almost ten minutes for him to become normal again.

One of my black big tea mugs became dwarfed by Axel's big tattooed hand. He held it like a regular coffee cup while I held mine with both hands. We sat on my dark gray couch which was surrounded by many of my plants. Axel looked around the room. He always did that, like it was some exotic place but I knew he just liked the space. He had told me about his apartment he had before moving in together with his girlfriend. It had been more like my place and even had a dark green wall to contrast with the white. He took a heavy gulp of his tea and then made a content sound. We both sat with our legs up on the couch and his sock clad foot touched my knee.

"So how many years were you together?" He continued our talk about my ex.

"Eight years," I said and played with the hem of his pant leg.

"That's a really long time. Shit, but I guess, it can't be that hard with you."

I smiled a little and picked up my mug from the coffee table.

"We just became too comfortable. He just played online games all the time and I just… Stopped taking care of myself. I got depressed and restless."

Axel nodded a little.

"I really love your apartment." He often changed subjects fast but I had become used to his jumpy thoughts.

"About that, can't you build some sort of pedestal I can have there?" I pointed to an empty corner. "Something in dark wood where I can have many plants."

"Are you giving me work?" he said and smiled.

"I will of course pay you for it." I caressed his leg and Axel watched my hand but it never traveled higher than his knee.

"How?" He said and liked his lips while watching my hands and then my low neckline. I would never confess to anyone that I wore a low neckline to get his attention. I felt bad about how much I craved his attention.

"With money?" I said even if I wondered if he wanted me to give him a flirty response. Axel smiled and nodded.

"You can design it," I said and let go of his legs, but "fixed" my dress so a bit of my black bra peaked up from the neckline. Axel sat quiet, smiled and looked between my face and the silky black material.

"Why did you and your ex break up?" He said and took a sip from his tea and I did the same before I answered.

"I broke up with him. But he didn't take it so well…" I said and looked down in my mug. Axel could probably see that I didn't say everything because he just sat and waited on me to continue.

"He posted my… nude pictures online as revenge…" I had gotten over it enough that I didn't cry anymore but I couldn't look at Axel because of the embarrassment.

I heard him breath loudly.

"Seriously?" He asked out of breath and I just nodded.

"I'm going to fucking kill that fucking…" Axel sounded really angry and when I looked up he had such a tight grip around the mug it looked like he would break it.

"Axel? Hey, hey. Breath." I crawled closer to him without touching him even if my own heart was beating hard in my chest.

"That little fucking shit! What the fuck is his name?!" He stood up and threw the mug on the floor but fortunately it didn't break.

"Axel… I want you to stop screaming, you're scaring me…" I said with a low voice but looked right at him. It made Axel stop like he noticed his own behavior and instead he closed his eyes and started to breath. He sat down again and I couldn't hold my tears back. Axel looked at me when he had came down from his angry state. His eyes were shiny and when I hugged him he cried too.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry Theo… Baby…"

I hushed him and kissed his cheeks.

"I didn’t want to scare you baby… I don't want to… Please… I'm really trying to not be so angry…" He stuttered out of breath.

"I know, but breathe with me now Axel. I feel that your heart beats so fast and mine does too so now we should breathe. Do you know how to breathe in a square?" I asked with a hand on his chest. He nodded. I took his hand in mine and together we drew a square in the air while we breathed. Slowly the both of us calmed down and stopped crying. When I was sure Axel was calm I gave him a hug.

"I know you don't want to scare me. And I know you're working on it. But for now, it's something that you must focus on, okay? Don’t think about the future, just heal."

He nodded a little with shiny eyes then hugged me again.

We sat still for a long time, breathed together and looked deep in each other's eyes. When Axel felt he was totally calm he brought up the subject again.

"So what happened to the pictures?"

"My dad made him take them down but he still has them and I don't know if anyone else has downloaded them…"

Axel sighed and played with my hand in his.

"My ex, Zoey," he pointed at the tattoo on his bicep. "She got into porn… we both were models but she had trouble getting jobs and then some asshole got her into porn… I was so young… She was so young. I had a hard time not feeling like she was cheating on me so I was angry all the time and…" he talked fast and upset so I laid my hand on his chest again and made him breathe with me. After a while he was ready to talk again.

"I didn't see how broken she was… I couldn't see how she was used and she wasn't cheating on me, she was being used… Then I found her… She took her life. She took a cocktail of any drug she could find and… She was gone. And I was too angry and jealous to see how broken she was…"

I dried his tears with my thumbs.

"It wasn't your fault honey, it was their fault, the ones that used her. You couldn't know and if you did you couldn't have stopped her. If you could have, your mere existence would have stopped her."

Axel looked me deep into my eyes and nodded. His eyes were red from tears just like his nose and cheeks. He nodded again. We sat quietly for a while again until I felt I could speak again.

"Are all the names you have tattooed on you, your exes?"

Axel laughed a little.

"No, no… Zoey is actually the only one. Rebecca was a girl I fucked sometimes that got pissed when she saw my Zoey tattoo. Frida was a friend, until I hit her boyfriend but that's another story and Mateo was a dude that sucked my cock. Misha, my girlfriend. Do I have any more? Oh! Alexis, a girl that thought she was my girlfriend while I thought she was a friend with benefits… So yeah…"

I looked at him and smiled a little, even if I felt quite strange about a guy having so many names on his body. It felt even more strange only visibly seeing three of them. Where did he have the other tattoos?

"But I'm thinking about doing some cover ups. It feels weird having people's names on my body that don't even want to have contact with me,"

I nodded again and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"It feels like I get to see you become an adult," I said teasingly. Axel gave me a goofy smile.

"As if I will ever be an adult!"

With Axel in my life, time went by fast and it was Saturday in no time. Lucy came before the boys and we ordered the pizzas when the boys were on their way. We had ordered several with different toppings, most of them vegan. We had already opened a bottle of wine and sat and listened to 90s classics. On an empty stomach the wine had already started to take an effect on me and I sang along to "Mm Bop" with a silly voice. I was happy, it felt like the night would be really great. Axel had said the day before that he wasn’t sure if he could come or not. We all knew that meant his girlfriend might be home but then it suddenly changed and he said he would come. If he didn't I would probably cancel, Wes and Lucy more or less acted like a couple.

Lucy looked at me while she played with her red hair. It was newly dyed and it stood out in my somber living room.

"Did you hear that he invited her to the school? She’s coming on Tuesday to meet us," she said. She talked about Axel and his girlfriend and it made me stop singing at once.

"No?"

"Wes said it today, Axel had asked her yesterday. And she said yes… Does that feel okay for you?"

"Of course!" I said fast to cover up my real feelings. "Axel and I are just friends. I would love to meet her. Totally."

I didn't want to meet her. I didn't want to see what she looked like, I didn't want to see her with Axel and I definitely didn't want to pretend that I wasn't inlove with her boyfriend.

Lucy nodded but looked at me worried.

"It's okay if you think it is hard. You two really have chemistry and… He is an ass that plays around with you. I love Axel but I can't see why he doesn't break up with her."

I sighed and looked at my deep purple nails, not to see how they look but to have something else to look at instead of Lucy's worried face.

"I think it's because of what I've said to him. I don't think he should make too many changes right now. He's working on himself and maybe he will change his mind if he does something drastic."

"Did you say that to him?"

"I said he should focus on his own journey and not do anything drastic."

Lucy nodded a little and took a sip of her wine. I patted Dark's little head to keep from being engulfed by Lucy's silence. I sometimes regretted that I tried to be all good, not cross any lines and encourage Axel to do the right thing. In reality I just wanted him naked, me on my knees in front of him and worshiping him like a god.

The doorbell buzzed and I stood up fast to open it. Either it was Wes and Axel or it was the pizza delivery. I opened the door and met Wes’ face and then I looked up to see Axel's face adorned with his new glasses.

"Hey, come in," I said and tried to sweep away mine and Lucy's conversation. I smiled at Axel while they took their jackets and boots off.

"I love your glasses."

Axel smiled.

"I love your sweater," he said and I giggled a bit. We had the same sweater on, deep green knitted ones we had bought at a little boutique together. I wore it as a dress over a pair of leggings while he wore it with his trashed black jeans.

"That's cute," said Lucy and giggled a bit while Wes laid his arm around her.

Axel looked down at his sweater and fixed his round tortoise shell patterned glasses.

"My girlfriend didn't like it, or the glasses. She thought I looked like a dork."

"You, a dork? Come on, I have never seen a guy wearing a wife beater on campus before!" Said Wes and made an ironic shocked face.

Axel shrugged his shoulders and looked away. I knew he had a bad conscience when talking about his girlfriend but I knew he also needed people to tell him that she was wrong. He worried about their relationship and I also knew he thought about ending it because of me but also because of his own sanity.

The rest of the night was fun and chill like it always was when the four of us were together. We ate, we drank, we shared our most embarrassing stories about alcohol, sex and public humilitation. Axel and Wes tried to rap as good as Lucy To Gansta's Paradise and we all ugly danced to Wannabe.

When Lucy and Wes started to make out, me and Axel gave each other a look and fled out to the balcony. Even if we both had thick sweaters on I snatched a blanket we could share. When we sat on the bench I had on the balcony I spread the blanket out over our legs. Axel lit a cigarette which we shared between us. I watched his profile while he blew out the smoke from his pouty lips. He probably felt me looking because he turned to me and gave me a wandering look. If it had been different this would have been a perfect moment to kiss. To let our wine stained lips meet and mix our flavors together.

"You okay,” Axel asked while passing me the cigarette. I took it from his long fingers and put it between my lips. I took a drag so I could think about an answer, instead I came up with a question.

"So your girlfriend… You invited her to see the school?" I really tried to sound natural but I guessed it didn't matter, Axel knew how I felt anyway.

"Yeah… If I should try, I should try, you know. And I think it's a good start to let her see where I spend my days."

He didn't look at me, instead he watched the cigarette between my fingers and when he had finished the sentence he snatched it from me.

"Yeah absolutely…" I said with a low voice and played with the hem of my sweater. Axel dragged a finger over the back of my hand and drew a heart.

"It won’t change anything… But you said I should give it a try. That I couldn't just break up with her."

I looked up and met his big eyes. He furrowed his brows a bit and the darkness under his eyes were more distinct than they used to be.

"I know… I just want you to think this through. Feel if you really want to let her go."

He breathed out heavily as I continued to look at his face. He looked up at the starlit sky and took a deep breath while the wind played with the stray lock of hair that had broken free from his messy sidepart.

"I will give it a chance, to be honest I hope she and I will end this in a good way and for that to happen I guess I should first make it less bad," he said and closed his eyes. I admired his face and his adam's apple that bobbed in his throat.

"That sounds fair. You should end it on good terms if that is what you want."

He lowered his chin and looked at me.

"I think you know what I want."

After that night my contact with Axel became just less and less. It started with him messaging that his girlfriend wouldn't come to school then he became more or less quiet. I didn't hear from him and I didn't see him on campus. I tried to talk about it with Wes but it seemed like he didn't really know either. I worried that he and his girlfriend had talked through everything and everything was good again. Maybe it was so good he would marry her and get her pregnant. I tried to stop the imagines of Axel fucking her so hard the bed shook but I couldn't stop my thoughts. I wanted to hit myself, a really hard slap for not just kissing him when I had him. I should have just said he should break up with his girlfriend and claimed him as mine. It took two weeks for Wes to feel like he needed to tell me the truth. We sat together with Lucy at a coffee shop close to campus when he became tired of my worried, anxiety babble about Axel.

"He and his girlfriend broke up. He just needs time for himself." Wes said and interrupted my worried thoughts. I looked up at him from my coffee mug.

"They broke up a few days ago but it has been a lot for him before that so he hasn't felt it would be right to contact you."

"Oh…" I didn't get anything out more than that. I felt a bit stupid for worrying that much and I didn't know if I could be happy Axel was single now.

"Give him some time. They have to deal with the house and all that. And the cats. He's really worried he won't get them."

I nodded, I was a cat parent too so I knew how much they meant even if many others saw them as just cats.

"I will give him time. I know he must do this on his own. Especially because he has other things to work on at the same time."

Both Wes and Lucy nodded. Lucy had been more or less quiet before that but now I noticed that she couldn't shut up anymore.

"You will get him in the end. In a few months he will be yours. You don't need to worry."

The time without Axel was lonely. For several weeks I didn't see him. He just wrote one text in the middle of December when my mood was just as dark as the December days.

I just need some time. I miss you.

It was short but it was everything I needed. I knew now that he was okay and that he thought about me, even missed me. Nothing else mattered. But it was lonely without him. I found myself looking towards the entrance to the library. Through the glass doors I could see the coffee shop. The library wasn't in the same building as his lecture hall and the building I had my lectures in was even further away. The chance for me to run into him was small and even if we could I didn't know if it was a good idea. If he wanted time he would get it. But I still hoped to see him, just to see if he was okay. To see if he smiled, being his own hyperactive self or if he was a shadow of his former self. Maybe the break up was really hard on him and he would give up his studies and all the progress he had made.

Axel never came through the doors and the university closed for the holidays. I started to give up on seeing him again and focused on Christmas with my family, even if Axel's father lived just a bit of a walk away from my parents. It was a white Christmas that year and my parents' manor looked idyllic with glistening snow. When I mentioned that my parents lived in a manor most people imagined some sort of haunted house, with bats and broken windows. Maybe they had that thought because of my looks but my parents house was painted white and well maintained. You were welcomed with white pillars that held up a big balcony. It was beautiful, with the big yard that now was just as white as the house, decorated with fir trees and red ribbons. When people saw where I had been raised they understood I was the rich girl, it was just that I was far from the stereotypical rich girl. Axel had also probably understood my background when I told him where I had been raised but he didn't even raise an eyebrow. He never judged.

His father owned land in the area but it seemed like the money was locked there. His house wasn't big and mostly seemed to be repaired by Oscar Cluney's own hands. I remembered Axel as a bad boy as a teen. The guy that took big risks and charmed all the girls. I wondered if young Axel would have even looked at me twice. But Axel wasn't that cool guy I had thought he was. He was broken and not in that charming way bad boys in teen movies were. He had carried years of anger within him that had messed up his life and relationships. But now he had finally begun to work on it. He finally started to break free from all the anger, shame and sorrow. I hoped that the break up wouldn't mess that up. He was such a great guy behind all that baggage. A sensitive, creative man carrying a broken boy inside of him.

My family celebrated Christmas like we always had, with our old grandma, the dogs inside with my cats and a lot of food. We ate the traditional food but as a dessert we always ate ice cream. Nothing fancy at all with cheap store bought cookies. It had become a tradition when my brothers were young and picky. Me and my youngest brother fought about the last caramel cookie when suddenly a well known face looked in through the entrance to the living room. Axel wearing a black beanie and freshly shaved. I immediately stopped nagging about the last cookie and felt my heartbeat in my chest. I could feel the heat in my face, from the candle light but also from embarrassment and adrenaline seeing him in my home.

"Hey, sorry for just stopping by… but Merry Christmas," he said nervously fidgeting with his leather gloves in his hands.

"Merry Christmas!" Said my father and raised his whiskey glass like Axel was an old friend. My mother smiled a little and explained to my grandma that Axel was just a friend of mine.

"Are you Santa?" My oldest little brother asked with a joking tone.

"Just for your sister," said Axel suggestively and then laughed nervously because it had probably just slipped out.

I stood up from my chair but snatched the caramel cookie before walking over to Axel. My brother protested loudly and I gave him that bitchy look I rarely gave anyone else. Axel looked at me amused and with… attraction?

When I was close to him he said with a low voice;

"Sexy bitch," he smirked and laid a hand on my waist. I laughed a little and gave him half of the cookie and laid the other hand on his chest that was covered by his black bomber jacket. Already I noticed he was now single.

"Can we talk alone somewhere," he asked and took my hand in his and ate the cookie in one bite.

I nodded a little and took him to my old bedroom. It wasn't the typical rich girl bedroom either. It was mostly painted white with black details. It was simple with just some Tim Burton pictures on the wall. On the bookshelf stood books like Twilight and Divergent.

Axel took a walk around my room.

"Is this yours?"

"Yeah, I should move out everything one day but my parents aren't in a hurry either. They have so much space."

Axel nodded a little then sat down on the bed. "I guess you heard I'm single."

I sat down next to him and put a pillow in my lap to fidget with.

"Yeah, how are you?" He looked at me and smiled a little.

"I've got the cats so I'm good. She’s moved out now and… It feels good. Like it was for the best."

I smiled and noticed when he looked at my velvet dress.

"You are really hot today. Beautiful I mean." He said and zipped down his jacket and took off his beanie. He had the green sweater, over a black button up. It was a new look on him but he looked so good in it.

"You too… Baby," I called him, trying out a nickname for lovers. Axel breathed out then he kissed me hard. He didn't even try to hold back as he kissed me passionately. It felt like hot fuzzy soda ran down through my mouth to my pussy. He held my face with one hand while the other lay on my waist. I held my hands on his thighs and we kissed like that for a while then he looked down breathless and I knew what he was thinking.

"Discrete isn't your thing, right?" I said teasingly and pressed my boobs together. His eyes were transfixed at my cleavage, he licked his lips and looked up at me like a dog asking permission to take his food.

"Go ahead baby boy," I said teasingly and Axel made an animalististic sound before he just pushed down my dress from my arms and pulled it down along with my bra. I wasn't prepared for how fast he did that and laughed a little when he strongly gripped my breasts and stuffed his face between them.

"You don't know how long I’ve wanted to do this." I could barely hear him while he pushed his face into my chest, sniffing the skin and then taking a nipple into his mouth. I gave him a moan as an answer and chose to focus on what he did instead of what he said. He continued to caress and lick my nipples and dragged it between his teeth just so much that it sent a thrill through my body. I leaned back and dragged my fingers through his slicked back hair, pulling in it hard to gain a reaction. He worked his lips up to my mouth and kissed me longingly until I found myself on my back with him half on top of me.

"You know I love you right?" He said with a raspy voice and looked straight into my eyes, even if my chest was exposed and one of my breasts laid heavy in his tattooed hands. I giggled a little, of joy but also of the whole situation. Downstairs my family was celebrating Jesus' birth while I had a grown man sucking my tits and poking me with that monster between his legs.

"I love you too Axel, so so much."

We were forced to end our light foreplay when my youngest brother knocked on the door to ask us if we wanted to play his new video game. I was shocked when Axel answered with enthusiasm.

"If I’m going to be your boyfriend, I should impress the family, right?" He smirked and helped me fix my dress. He even started to fix my hair for me. I smiled a little but then fixed my hair and make-up by the silver mirror on the wall.

"Is there a bathroom close by?" Axel asked and put a hand down his pants. Like I said, discretion wasn't his thing.

"Just out the door, the first door to the right."

Axel smirked a little then he leaned forward to kiss my lips. After that he gave my breast each a kiss. I pushed away his head with a laugh.

"Dirty boy, get your act together now. I promise you, they will stay where they are."

Axel made a roar and bit the air before vanishing out from the door.

When I was alone I took a deep breath. I could still feel my wetness in my panties and a stinging on my nipples from Axel's biting. I looked at myself in the mirror. He made me feel so sexy, like I actually was worthy of him and I loved the feeling. He made me proud of who I was.

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