#bad caretakers unITE

[wqnwoos]

seventeen & touch-starved s/o (vocal unit ver.)

hhu ver. — requested by anon

JEONGHAN.

he’s so soft :(

like immediately scoops u up

talks to you very gently while he holds you,, about literally ANYTHING

jeonghan doesn’t notice how close you’ve sidled up to him until you tug on his shirt a little. he’s been wrapped up in conversation with mingyu, riling him up with friendly teasing and laughing as mingyu pouts defensively.

at least, until you appear out of nowhere, brushing your arm against his and sending him glances from the side of your eyes; he can tell you think he hasn’t noticed, but he definitely has. he always notices, especially when it’s you.

which is how he ends up cutting off his teasing, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you closer, resting a hand on your thigh and murmuring a quick “you okay?” in your ear. and it’s only when you nod, satisfied, that he returns to the conversation.

JOSHUA.

i feel like he intuitively knows when u need him

hand holder for SURE have u guys seen the recent gose 😭

probably rubs your back or something too :((

“joshua, we are going to get lost.” you pronounce the moment you see the bustling crowds of the carnival in front of you.

your boyfriend scoffs lightly. “come onnn. we’ll be fine.”

“hello? are you seeing this?” with a wide sweep of your arm, you gesture to the horde with wide eyes, unconsciously pressing closer to him already.

“don’t worry, baby. we won’t get separated.” joshua reassures, and then pauses, before dramatically announcing — “ever.”

you blink at him under the coloured lights and merry-go-round music. “i can’t tell if that was heartwarming or incredibly cheesy.”

“both?” he suggests with a smirk, before holding his hand out to you. “come on.”

“josh, don’t let go of me, okay?” you say nervously, as you approach the crowds.

he brushes a kiss over your joined hands with half a smile. “never.”

WOOZI.

omg. soooo flustered but equally as pleased

also have you seen those arms?

he’s an excellent hugger nobody can change my mind

jihoon can tell there’s something on your mind. you keep looking over at him from your place on the couch as he works, sometimes opening your mouth like you’re about to say something but then changing your mind last minute. and when it happens for the seventh time — yes, he counted — he finally turns to you, sliding off his headphones with raised eyebrows.

“can i help you?” he asks, teasing lilt to his tone.

you’re already looking at him with widened eyes. jihoon cocks his head to the side — when you pull out the puppy gaze, it means you want something. unfortunately for him, he gives in every time.

(how can he help it, when you look like that?)

“hug?” you say hopefully, voice pitched a little higher than usual.

he should have guessed. jihoon opens his arms with a mock sigh, gesturing for you to come and sit on his lap — ignoring both your satisfied smile and his warmed cheeks.

DOKYEOM.

his smile itself feels like a fucking hug so. idek where to start. this man is a safety net :(

HES SO WARM i feel like he gives the best cuddles

loops his arms all the way around you and squeezes to make you laugh too

“seokmin~! i need a hug!” you declare, the moment you step into the house. you might say it dramatically, but you mean it entirely — today has sucked ass. “i demand it, even!”

at your greeting, seokmin sticks his head out the kitchen, lips already curved into a gentle smile. “what happened, angel?” he soothes, opening his arms and entangling you in his embrace.

“bad day. awful.” you describe shortly, already leaning into him gratefully. “less talking. more hugging.”

“yes, boss!” he mock salutes over your shoulder, giggling as he tightens his grip, and with the sound of his laughter, the burdens of today seem to fall away — at least for a short while, you’ve found your reprieve.

SEUNGKWAN.

he will drop anything and everything to give you what you need and that makes me UPSET

always goes into full caretaker mode AHHH i love him

probably sways you guys back and forth when you hug

seungkwan takes one look at your sleepy form in his doorway, and he freaks.

by freaks, you mean he pulls you inside, kisses your cheek in greeting, and scolds you for not wrapping up warm enough, all in the space of a minute. and then he’s cupping your face with warm hands. “what happened, baby? you didn’t tell me you were coming over.”

you scrunch your nose sleepily. “sorry. i missed you.”

“aish, don’t apologise, just come here,” he grumbles, to hide the embarrassingly delighted smile growing across his face.

“warm,” you say drowsily, as you lean into his embrace with droopy eyes and slightly slurred words. “best hugger. you’re the best hugger, seungkwannie, you know that? you’re my favourite hugger.”

he kisses your forehead then, with a soft murmur against your skin. “yeah, baby. you’re my favourite too.”

an requested by an anon who read the hhu version!! i hope you like it @ anon, let me know!! 💗💗💗

#seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen headcanons #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan comfort #joshua fluff #joshua x reader #joshua comfort #jihoon fluff #jihoon comfort #jihoon x reader #woozi fluff #woozi comfort #woozi x reader #seokmin x reader #seokmin fluff #seokmin comfort #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan x reader #dk fluff #dk comfort #dk x reader

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 6

Well, we wanted them to bring the pain, and my god did they do it. If you had any remaining doubt that this show knows exactly what it's doing with this story, this episode surely put it to rest. There were so many excellent scenes this week, and not all of them are strictly from the source material. I'm going to walk through the episode by favorite moments, because there is so much worthy of discussion here.

That first scene between Qian and Yuan, when Qian put his hand on Yuan's face and expressed his worry, was original to the show, and it got me right in the heart. It is exhausting to love someone you know won't love you back in the same way, and Yuan has been crumbling under the burden of trying to restrain his feelings while staying close to Qian. That Qian is both the source of his comfort and his agony makes it all so much harder, and Qian's blinders to Yuan's feelings means he is constantly making it worse for Yuan without meaning to.

I also loved the whole sequence at the H.O.T. party, from Yuan arriving sad and sick and vulnerable only to see Feng Ning getting cozy with his brother, to Qian knowing instantly that something was wrong with Yuan and becoming distracted, to Qian and Feng Ning's chat clearing up their relationship and the show allowing her to be awesome and not at all villainous about it, to Qian following Yuan into the backroom for the confrontation. It was a short sequence but it all built masterfully to the moment we've been waiting for since episode 1.

And what a scene that was. I loved that it began with Qian trying to care for Yuan like he always does. He is at a work event but he cannot focus on anything else until he knows Yuan is okay. But Yuan has hit his limit while his guard was down, and it all finally comes spilling out in the worst way possible. The emotions of this scene were perfect--Qian was truly shocked, deeply upset, and importantly, betrayed by Yuan crossing this boundary and imploding their relationship. And Yuan is also feeling upset and betrayed, because he has always counted on Qian to accept him no matter what, and in this moment, Qian failed him by rejecting him in a way he never has before. They are both clearly devastated to have this relationship ruined because for both of them, it is the most important one in their lives.

It's not surprising that Qian goes into full avoidance mode in the aftermath; he has no idea how to navigate his conflicting instincts. He doesn't want to reject Yuan and in fact it hurts him deeply to do so, but he can't accept him either. He's too shell shocked and angry to return to caretaking, but the guilt is clearly eating at him. So he hides, and finds a way to keep avoiding it by sending Yuan away. And this led to two more fantastic scenes, because this show cares about all its characters and the entire family unit, not just the two leads.

First, San Pang and Yuan. I love that despite making many mistakes and ultimately accelerating the implosion between the brothers, San Pang is not intentionally being malicious here. He is genuinely trying to help because he loves both Qian and Yuan, he doesn't want Qian to be hurt by Yuan's feelings, and he is clearly hoping Yuan can move on from it if he intervenes. Yuan knows this too, which is why he does not hate him despite his interference, and why he feels comfortable pushing San Pang to explain why his love for Qian is such a bad thing. I love that the show went here, and that San Pang couldn't come up with a logical reason why it's wrong. It just feels wrong to him, and isn't that the case with so much cultural taboo?

Second, I love this show so much for not forgetting Lili in all of this. Her increasing anxiety and fear at seeing her brothers' relationship fall apart without understanding why was so heartbreaking. This is her family, and she has had her own very rough childhood and survived parental abandonment too, and suddenly everything is blowing up and no one will explain it to her. Yuan clearly doesn't want to leave her anymore than he does Qian, but at this point he's not being left with much choice. And Qian is not in a headspace to offer her any explanation or comfort. I'm glad her pain was not overlooked.

The way this episode ended, with Yuan setting off for a lonely stint abroad, and Qian not even giving him a proper goodbye, was the final touch of heartbreak. Qian loves his brother so much, and I think he'll regret sending him away so coldly when he is finally able to process what happened here--he may already be starting to regret it, judging by the forlorn look on his face as he leaned in his doorway recalling their memories together. I was glad that at least he left Yuan a token to take with him; he can't face him right now, but he does care. Some time apart will likely do them some good, but in the meantime there will be a lot of loneliness in both their lives. This show hurts so good.

#unknown the series #taiwanese bl #shan shouts into the void

[soberpluto]

Astrology Observations - Moon & Aspects (Natal)

Moon conjunct Mars will have a fit or athletic body almost by rule. They use this to gain more self-confidence. They tend to have a challenging relationship with their mother (they feel like they have to assert or prove themselves constantly before her). They too fight against their feelings, literally.

Moon in Capricorn are very skeptical people. They can be overly materialistic, and will be really attached to the father figure, for the good and the bad. The tendency to become workaholics is huge. Their mother is seen as ambitious.

Moon conjunct Sun people are very transparent. What you see is what you get with them. They easily find their place in life, as their conscious and subconscious mind work together towards a common goal. They also see their parents as a united and cooperative couple.

Moon square Sun, on the contrary, struggles to build a successful life project in their youth; they constantly feel torn between two sides of themselves. They feel their upbringing doesn't quite support the direction they feel they should take on (e.g. their parents don't approve their life goals / they need to find success away from home, etc.). They will see their parents as dynamic, but not being exactly in the same page.

Moon in Aquarius has a really hard time building close relationships because they feel much safer keeping their distance, even if consciously they desire intimacy with a partner. This changes for the better as time goes by, particularly after their 1st Saturn return, as they begin to understand the value of vulnerability.

Moon - Saturn harsh aspects are not easy. Usually, these talk about a stern relationship with the mother. They could've been deprived from nurturing and affection or were raised by much older family members. They could've been caretakers of others in expense of their childhood. This makes them really defensive towards others and punishing with their own feelings. Rejection is super triggering for them. They certainly are releasing karma around family matters.

Moon - Uranus harsh aspects create the worst of contradictions. People with these placements have the most difficult time rooting down and finding stability in life. Mother figure was seen as erratic, unpredictable and independent, an attitude that most likely created in the native a disorganized type of attachment, the most challenging to overcome. This means that they are avoidant and anxious at the same, a predisposition that confuses them and blocks emotional intimacy with others.

Moon - Neptune aspects give psychic powers and immense creativity. They can perceive worlds beyond their 5 senses and will have a latent talent for psychology and mediumship. On the downside, the mother could've been overly idealistic and ungrounded, someone who they really can't pin down or trust upon; OR, highly spiritual and receptive, giving the child an ability to feel guided and connected with God. Sadly, they possess a higher risk of developing mental health issues when they leave their unconscious traumas or emotions unattended.

Wherever your Moon falls in your chart, you can expect uncontrollable sudden fluctuations. The key to manage these roller coasters is to see them as natural cycles, ups and downs in which you are meant to flow rather than dominate. Remember the Moon is connected to a karmic house, and the house it sits in represents a particular lesson for you to learn in this lifetime. If your Moon falls in the 4th, 8th and 12th (look out if it's in a water sign) and/or has contact with Saturn, this is a clear indication about major karmic release.

Thanks for reading! 😘

Written by @soberpluto

Book readings here! https://starintuitivehealing.etsy.com

#astrology #astrology signs #astrology observations #astro observations #astro community #astrology notes #astrology community #moon #moon saturn #moon neptune #moon uranus #moon mars #moon aspects

[drivinmeinsane]

Shot Through the Heart

※ Colt Seavers x GN!Reader ※

{ masterlist } ※ { ao3 }

※ Summary: You've worked with Colt off and on for years, building an easy rapport with the stuntman. The rest of the crew sends you to check up on him after he's bad off following a stunt that seems to have caused his nearly career-ending injury to act up.

※ Rating: T for suggestive themes.

※ Content/Tags: Fluff, Caretaking, No use of y/n, Mentions of old injury, Budding Love, Pre-Relationship, Solely based on the official trailer uploaded to YouTube by Universal Pictures

※ Word count: 3,052

※ Status: Oneshot/Complete

※ Author's Notes: The devil works fast but I work faster. That three and a half minute long trailer sure possessed me. Needless to say, I'm excited for the movie's release in a few months.

The setting sun is blinding you on its long journey below the horizon. You squint against the light at the block of apartments as you pull your vehicle into a stop alongside the curb. You really hope you’re at the right location. You’re not sure if you trust your crewmates to have given you the right address. You honestly did not really want to be here at all. Many of the crew for this particular production had worked with Colt before, so it really was wildly unfair that you had been unanimously volunteered to check up on the man after he was a no-show for the past couple days. Sure, he had called, but no one had actually laid eyes on him to verify his condition.

You put your car into park and open the door to step out into the evening heat. You immediately feel smothered by the warmth, and you reach across your center console to grab the items crowding your passenger seat. You withdraw, burdened, and nudge the door closed with your knee. You manage to hit the lock button on your key fob before you duck into the small parking garage. A flood of relief washes over you when you immediately spot Colt’s obnoxious brown and yellow truck. There are surfboards still resting in the bed of the vehicle. It’s parked haphazardly with no regard for anyone else’s need for the space. You’re in the right place at least. You skirt around it, eyes scanning for apartment numbers. You mutter his unit number under your breath while you look for it. You’re juggling a heating pad, multiple ice packs, and a bag of food. You’re not sure what you’re going to be walking into. 

After what feels like an eternity of searching, you finally locate what you hope is his front door. With your hands full, you contemplate figuring out how to knock. You finally decide to just bang on the wood with your elbow. There’s no response or any whispers of movement. You sigh and hit it again, more aggressively. You know he’s home. The lifted monstrosity in the parking garage is proof enough. He avoids going anywhere without it. 

You double down and are in the middle of hammering on the door for a third time when you finally hear muffled cursing gradually getting louder as the apartment’s occupant gets closer. To your relief, it’s Colt Seavers himself who yanks the door open hard enough you’re briefly worried he’s going to pull it right off the hinges. You open your mouth, about to launch into a bantering complaint about how he left you to rot on his doorstep when you register what exactly you’re looking at.

The man crowding the doorway is wet, straight from an interrupted shower. His shaggy, blond hair is falling into his eyes. The light from the setting sun reflects an orange glow on the water droplets racing down his body. He looks like he’s on fire. You drag your eyes from his obscenely exposed chest to his face. You try to pretend that you’re not talking to a very damp, very naked man preserving the last dregs of his modesty with only a towel wrapped around his narrow hips. You’ve just agreed with yourself not to acknowledge how large his hand looks clutching the fabric. 

“Where’s the fire?” He asks. His annoyance fades away at the realization that you’re the one bothering him out of the blue. 

“The guys sent me on a welfare check. We haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“I’m clearly alive so you’re welcome to-” He pantomimes you leaving by walking his fingers in the air “-report back that I haven’t died yet.”

“Welfare, not proof of life. Besides, you look like shit and I brought some supplies.” You argue, raising your arms to show your wares.

He looks like he’s thinking about pushing the issue, but he deflates, exhausted. He purposely lets out a dramatically weary sigh and gives you only the barest amount of space to get past him. You squeeze through the door, grazing against his wet arm. You hear him close and lock the front door behind you while you openly gawk at his apartment. 

“You live like this?” You ask, slightly aghast. The place is a mess. There are plants and exercise equipment everywhere. The stuntman hovering behind you clearly has his priorities. 

“Sure do. Just going to go finish rinsing off. I’d say make yourself comfortable but you’re already on your way,” he remarks, casting an amused glance at the way you’re wobbling while trying to extract yourself from your shoes with no hands. 

You frown at his back as you watch him skirt around you and head in the direction of his bathroom. He’s moving jerkily, almost stumbling. His back is definitely messed up. You really hope it’s something that you will be able to assist with in some capacity. You know first hand how stunt work takes a toll on the human body. 

Following the sound of a television, you manage to make your way to the living area. You shove over some electrolyte packets and gardening tools on his coffee table to create room for the bag of food that you made for him. The heating pad and ice packs get dumped on the floor next to one of the legs. As for yourself, you settle in on his couch to wait. You’re not surprised to see that he’s left an Indiana Jones movie playing on the screen. It seems like the kind of thing he would watch.

From the bathroom, you hear some muffled complaining before the shower kicks on. The sound of the rushing water does little to cover the noise of the shower curtain hooks on the rod as he wrestles with the material. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, thankful you didn’t hear Colt fall trying to get over the edge of the tub. The last thing you wanted was to wrestle your naked crewmate while on the phone with emergency services. 

Only a few minutes pass before the water cuts off and you hear the door open. You can’t help but notice that you didn’t hear the sound of his bedroom door closing. There’s just the sound of footsteps and rustling fabric. He emerges, wearing a pair of garish pajama pants. He’s still distractingly shirtless, because why wouldn’t he be? It’s not as though he has a guest that is trying very hard to be normal about this entire situation. There’s a towel draped over his bare shoulders in the effort to contain the mess produced by his sopping wet hair. Trails of water are running down his neck and soaking into the cloth. 

Colt practically drags himself over to you. He lowers himself onto the cushion at your side, and makes an effort to avoid leaning against the back of the couch. You turn to face the blond man, taking a hard look at him. He looks even worse up close than he did when he greeted you at the door. Exhaustion is deepening the fine lines in his face and his eye bags nearly have their own luggage. 

“How are you doing? Really?”

He gives you one of his goofy grimaces and flashes a thumbs up. He can’t hide the wince as movement pulls at his back muscles. The look you give him in return is unimpressed. 

“Can you even function?”

“Barely,” he says with a groan as he tries to get a little more comfortable. He still looks painfully stiff.

You suppress the urge to give him a comforting pat on the leg and instead lean over to dig the meal you had brought for him out of the bag. You shove a tupperware container, a wrapped sandwich, and a plastic fork at him until he takes them. He looks bewildered. 

“Eat. The dressing is in the small container hanging out in the salad greens.”

“Did you make this yourself?”

“I’ve worked with you enough times to know how you are, so yes.” You admired the man’s discipline, but it had been cause for concern while you desperately scoured your kitchen looking for something to make that wasn’t going to fall under the umbrella of junk food. 

“Maybe I should reinjure myself more often then,” he says with a smirk and raises his eyebrows. You don’t dignify him with a response.

He balances the container of salad on the armrest next to him and sets to work on unwrapping the sandwich. It’s grilled chicken breast with a truly ridiculous amount of lettuce and tomato. You hadn’t dumped condiments on it, not wanting it to get soggy during the car ride.

“I’m here to play nursemaid so can I do something about all of that? '' You gesture to his dripping hair and his hunched over body.

He looks up from the sandwich like he’s holding something precious in his hands. “You made me this. You can do anything you want with me. I’ve only got a few limits.” 

You roll your eyes at his suggestive tone before rising up onto your knees. You shuffle closer, knees mere inches away from grazing the outside of his thigh. The towel slips freely from his shoulders and he doesn’t complain when you drape it over his head. You gently work the material over his hair. Colt starts in on the sandwich while you work carefully to dry him without putting unnecessary pressure or movement on him. You take a corner of the towel and wipe away the water that has trailed down his face and his neck. You don’t go any further down than his collarbone not daring to drag the fabric over his chest. You have to cling to some level of professionalism between coworkers. He leans into the touches in the areas you are willing to wipe dry. You pretend not to notice. 

He eats like he’s been starving ever since the last day you and the rest of the crew had seen him on set. He probably had been if he was still in this bad of shape days later. You leave him to start in on the salad. On your way to hang the towel over the shower curtain rod to dry, you stumble over a stray weight that had been left in the middle of the floor. You manage to suppress your pained noises despite the tears leaping to your eyes. Why had you been volunteered for this? Your crewmates had been suspiciously giggly and evasive when you had protested. They had just made excuses and jokes about how you were Colt’s favorite person and you being the one to check on him would make his day. What a load of crap.

“What do you usually do for your back?” You ask, coming back into the room and trying to not let on you nearly had your own medical emergency just out of sight. 

“Just uh… stick the tens on it and stretch it out.”

“Gotcha. Finish that up and we’ll start on your back,” you tell him. You crouch down next to the coffee table and gather the ice packs. You won’t be using them today. The injury has sat for too long.

“Thanks, nurse,” he responds around a mouthful of greens.

You cross the apartment and pull open the door to the freezer. You cram the ice packs onto an already sizable stack of them sandwiched between the freezer wall and bags of frozen vegetables. The refrigerator itself is covered in receipts, bills, coupons, business cards, brochures… You’re really not sure how Colt is able to find anything. You suppose that it’s all his own brand of organized chaos. 

You make your way back to the living room in time to see him clamp the lid back on the tupperware container. You give your head a little shake. The man inhaled an entire sandwich and a salad in under fifteen minutes. Impressive. You hope his stomach handles going from zero to a hundred with more grace than yours would. You don’t feel like holding his hair back while he vomits. 

“How do you want to do this? Floor, couch, or bed?”

He twinges his back when he twists to look up at you. You’d laugh if you hadn’t felt a sting of worry at the way he winced. You know Colt’s a tough man. You have seen him take hit after hit over the past few years. He must be hurting badly to be showing this much sincere discomfort. You’ve seen him ham it up as a joke, but this was the real deal.

“I’m glad one of us thinks I’ll be able to get off the floor. How about you take me to bed, beautiful?”

He heaves himself off the couch and you trail after him into his bedroom. The floor is messy like the rest of the house. You’re not sure if he’s always this disorganized or if it was just something that has resulted from him not being able to keep up with it due to his back. Given the state of his fridge, you’re strongly considering that it’s the former and not the latter. 

“How do you want me?” The flirtatious tone isn’t quite coming through as intended with him standing like he’s auditioning for the starring role in a live action adaptation of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. 

“On your stomach, please. Do you have lotion or anything I can use on you?” 

He groans as he makes his way onto the bed and lays face down. He’s unable to relax, the muscles in his back are too tight. “I have some vaseline in the bathroom. Right drawer.”

You set the heating pad down on the bed next to him after plugging it in. You make another trek to the bathroom to search for the aforementioned vaseline. It’s not hard to locate and you manage to dodge the weight this time. You’re not about to wreck your foot on it again. Once was enough. 

You settle on the bed next Colt, careful not to jostle him. You swipe your fingers though the vaseline to collect a sizable dollop of the substance. You set the container aside and liberally coat your hands with what you had scooped out. Your eyes catch on the long scar running alongside the stuntman’s spine. It’s pink and raised, a fairly old wound but not old enough to fade to silver. You weren’t there when Colt got the injury. You’d been on another set halfway across the world, but the things you’d heard months later from people who had been present when it happened weren’t good. He had nearly died and if he had… you would have just been left with memories spanning the hours spent with this cocky man. You would have likely said a few words at his funeral, if you had even been able to make it, and that would have been the end of Colt Seavers. He would be just another stuntman who died doing what he loved. The thought puts a pit in your stomach. You push it aside, he’s still alive and he’s waiting for you to get on with the program. 

The initial touch of your hands against his bare back causes you both to tense up and go deathly quiet. Your pulse is hammering in your years and you swear you can hear the sound of his throat as he swallows. You try to not knee him in the side as you start to massage the expanse between his broad shoulders. It’s not long before he’s melting into the mattress, relaxing under your touch. You work him over, section by section. You gently knead the raised line of scar tissue, helping to discourage the excess building of collagen. A little lower and he’s groaning when you carefully dig your knuckles into the skin above his waistband, forcing the tight muscles to yield. He’s limp and unresistant when you catch him by the hip and pull his pelvis in your direction to better align his spine.

Thankfully, you spot an already dirty shirt nearby. You pick it up and wipe your hands on it with a grimace. Most of the vaseline has either ended up on the man currently face down on his bed or had absorbed into your palms, but you still didn’t want to risk tracing it through the house before you slathered your hands in dish soap to remove any oily residue. As a final token of care, you lay the heating pad across his lower back and turn it on the medium setting. You’ve done all you can do for him.

Colt is so still and quiet that you’re sure he’s fallen asleep. You turn away from him and inch towards the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb him while you begin your exit from his apartment and back to your vehicle. You nearly leap out of your skin when he shifts enough to catch hold of your forearm. His hand is so large that his middle finger and thumb nearly touch.

“Please stay.” He sounds tired, vulnerable. There’s no charisma or bravado to his voice.

You feel your face soften as you take in his words. “All right.”

You scoot back towards him and lay down on your back at his side. The bed is barely big enough for the both of you like this. It’s intimate, too intimate, especially since your arm is still in his grasp. You can’t bring yourself to mind. The line between being coworkers and whatever this is was blurred a long time ago anyway despite your best efforts to tell yourself otherwise. You're starting to realize your crewmates might have been more aware than you were. Those assholes.

When Colt rises up onto one elbow and leans over, taking all the time in the world to project his intentions, you don’t turn from him. You just bring a hand up to brush his still damp hair out of his face. You guide the stuntman the rest of the way in, your hand migrates to cup his bearded cheek. The kiss you share is inevitable and unhurried. It feels as natural as breathing.

#the fall guy (2024) #the fall guy #colt seavers #colt seavers x reader #ryan gosling #ryan gosling character #the fall guy fanfic #colt seavers fanfic #my work #my posts

[baddestbittyontheblock]

alessia russo fic recs (2/3)

you are responsible for the content you consume‼️

𖧷 favorite aunty alessia russo x reader

-your supporting less in australia for the world cup on her days off you meet her at her hotel and walk for hours around the cities you’re in, both adamant on bringing zel with you since her family is not there and being her “siblings she never had” anyway your brother his wife and your niece fly over to support lessi aswell, both of your families obviously being close but since you only speak to your brother, only he is around. watching less score the winner in the semi finals was a dream for all of you, listening to your niece ramble incoherent words about how ‘auntie lessless’ is her idol.

𖧷 lucky alessia russo x reader

-boyfriend lessi on holiday in Ibiza just looking after you when you have too much to drink and both of you just having a great holiday

𖧷 bambi alessia russo x reader

-we know how Alessia is clumsy right? Imagine if the reader is just as bad if not worse, the two of them are a right mess when near one another. And her and Alessia are both so oblivious to their feelings for each other that the team just have to deal with these two lovestruck clumsy idiots who tip toe around their feelings until eventually something pushes them to realise and confess

𖧷 cuddly lessi is best lessi alessia russo x reader

-bf alessia blurb about how she is your personal heater? she looks so cuddly

𖧷 childhood sweethearts (7) alessia russo x reader

-part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six

𖧷 unexpected meetings alessia russo x reader

-The reader forgets Alessia's team bonding and bursts into the room, her teammates don't know about the reader

𖧷 enemies alessia russo x reader

-alessia x reader where r plays for an opponent team and they sorta get into it on the pitch because they’re so passionate playing

𖧷 23 weeks alessia russo x reader | fluff, pregnant!reader, wag!reader, caretaker!alessia, protective!alessia, future milfs

-alessia has become very protective of you ever since you got pregnant

𖧷 iced coffee alessia russo x reader

-reader annoys lessi like this while she is trying to order at a drive through for us

𖧷 the feels alessia russo x reader | a tad bit of angst and a lot of tooth-rotting fluff & comfort

-five times you and Alessia soft launched yourselves on social media, and one time you two hard launched your relationship.

𖧷 wag - part 2 alessia russo x reader

-the past two years with alessia have been the best years of your life - apart from the years you had your daughters - and you couldn't be happier.

𖧷 childhood sweethearts (6) alessia russo x reader

-part one, part two, part three, part four, part five

𖧷 reckoning alessia russo x reader | angst/comfort, swearing

-lessi’s first game against united

𖧷 winner winner alessia russo x reader | a little spicy

-alessia’s first wsl goal has you both celebrating on and off field

𖧷 i licked it so its mine a.russo x l.williamson x reader

-katie’s story of “I licked it so it’s mine”, inspired a funny crack blurb with Leah x Less x Reader

𖧷 hands off alessia russo x reader | some jealousy, some possessiveness, a little suggestive

-alessia doesn’t like people touching what’s hers

𖧷 she's somebody's daughter alessia russo x reader

-reader is Jonas’s daughter

𖧷 keep pretending pretty girl alessia russo x reader

-alessia is adamant that shes straight, she just likes kissing you sometimes, and she just likes holding your hand, and she only likes it when you talk to her

𖧷 book love unc!alessia russo x reader

-alessia loves how different the two of you are, despite everyone's teasing

𖧷 we'll write history together alessia russo x reader | fluff, angst, a little suggestive. A whole lot of everything tbf

-being in relationship with a teammate is all fun and games, until it isn’t

𖧷 shut down alessia russo x reader

-jealous bf less who KNOWS she shouldn’t be jealous, and she’s just gone quiet bc she doesn’t wanna say anything. and then that creates a whole thing with r who feels like maybe she’s don’t something wrong. and then it all blows up and leads to a guilt confession from less about why she was quiet

𖧷 as long as i’m here (no one can hurt you) alessia russo x reader | hurt/comfort, mentions of anxiety & self loathing -this gets dark so please read at your own discretion!

-your heart’s in your throat and you don’t know how it got there. your heart’s in your throat and the world around you’s dark.

𖧷 passenger princess ficlet alessia russo x reader

-Y/n actually buying a car or she’s makes Alessia think bought one. instead she rented it out for the week and Alessia hates the fact that she doesn’t have her passenger princess. And instead she becomes one for the week and girl tease her about to.

𖧷 seeing red alessia russo x leah williamson x reader

-leah x alessia x reader where less gets a yellow card in a match and y/n isn't best pleased about it so leah tries to get them to make up with eachother

𖧷 it was late at night (you held on tight) alessia russo x reader | hurt/comfort, slight mention of heavy topics- read at your own discretion!

-some nights were good. the type of good where breathing came easy. where the air was light, the stars bright. nights where friends felt like family, a house a home. 

𖧷 the awakening alessia russo x reader | injury, but nothing too specific

-reader and alessia plays for arsenal and are best friends, but when in one game reader gets tackled really badly alessia gets really protective and realises her feelings for reader

#woso #woso x reader #woso imagines #woso imagine #arsenal wfc #arsenal #alessia russo #alessia russo x reader #alessia russo imagine #engwnt #engwnt x reader #fic recs

[numinously-yours]

Pick a crystal: Messages from your inner child

I've been doing a lot of my own inner child work lately and really felt called to channel all of (well, as many of) yours as I could. This reading is looking at:

What did you need as a child?

How is your inner child now?

What do they want you to work on next?

I also gauged the time of your childhood that I think these feels really became a part of you - but the ranges are large and don't necessarily mean it's not for you!

Choose a crystal and see below the cut for your reading

Pile one, stability is the world I would use to describe what you needed as a kid. It feels like every time you ALMOST felt settled, your caretaker would get too scared to commit and you were off to the next place. You never got the chance to really make connection. Yeah, you've always had friends but you never had that connection that really showed you what friendship was. I'm here to tell you that all of the people you were worried about liking you are thankful you were a part of their lives, no matter the length of time.

I REALLY hope my intuition is correct about how your inner child is feeling right now. It is beautiful energy. It's either a relatively recent happening or it's happening very soon, but your sense of emotional fulfillment is so strong. Since this time in your childhood, you have finally started to understand what unconditional love feels like. I want to cry, pile 1! There is a huge sense of relief coming over me. You're realizing that it doesn't matter how long you've been somewhere, as long as you are your authentic self and you allow others to be their authentic selves, that is all you need space for.

What your inner child wants you to work on next is believing that others know this too! In your heart of heart, you know it's true. But you wonder if you're being an imposter of your own self. Are you making up that this is the truth?! Nope. This is only your ego talking. It's trying to protect you, but you don't need it this time around. Take your time learning this, remembering this, and giving yourself grace when you forget it. It will come back easier each and every time.

Pile two, I don't think you were allowed to actually be a child when you were a kid. It's not that you weren't able to have fun, but I think your parental unit guilt tripped you a lot and sometimes made you the parent. You may have heard phrases like "You don't appreciate what I do for you", "I'm a terrible mother/father/etc", "You'll never be able to make it on your own." It can be any parental figure, but I am feeling strong feminine energy. This person wasn't like this ALL the time,. In fact, you have a lot of fun memories from your childhood. You don't think your childhood was bad by any means, but you wish it didn't still affect you like it does.

I absolutely believe that you've grown a lot. I think this person still does this and, while it doesn't always get to you, every once and awhile you feel really let down. You may be having some trouble trusting your instincts, lately. You're wondering if you're saying "yes" to the people you love because you WANT to or if it's because you're going back to your old ways? Your inner child wants you to know that you're allowed to trust your gut. You will know when you're doing something for yourself versus for other people.

What your inner child may need now is the chance to grow on their own, without the influence of this person. It might be time to take a brief separation from this person if possible. It will be difficult, and you may need to grieve, but I think the grief is really toward letting your childhood hopes go versus feeling badly about hurting this person. I'm sorry you have to worry about this step, but it's so going to be worth it.

As a child, pile three, I think you have to leave someone you love and, even if you didn't have control over the situation, ou still feel guilty. For some of you, you feel like an outcome would be different if you never left. For others, you haven't had much contact with this person since leaving and you feel like it's something you did that didn't make you "worthy" of being reached out to.

Right now, your inner child knows you're putting in the work to heal this wound. I'm proud of you! Sometimes, though, when you feel yourself feeling unworthy, you can tend to be hard on yourself. "I know the cause of this feeling, so why can't I just get rid of it??" But you are doing a GREAT job of being patient with yourself. You're taking initiative in your own healing. You are continually finding new ways to take care of yourself. You are confident that there is always a way to make it through.

Next up on your healing journey is letting others help you, too. I think you are afraid that if you let someone get close that you'll just end up leaving them again OR that if you get to vulnerable you'll see why the person above never reached out to you, and anyone you let in is bound to leave you instead. Your inner child knows exactly what you've been working on and wants you to know that this work has made you strong enough to let someone else in.

Hey pile four. First, I wanted to make note that this is the only pile I felt like I was really talking TO your inner child versus asking the universe for information. While shuffling for the first question, I said "you're can tell me" ; while shuffling for the last question, I said "you're allowed to work on yourself, babe." I think things are feeling tough right now for you and your inner child and I hope this reading helps brings some insights.

First, something you needed as a child was someone to commit to you. You may be a child of divorce who split time between your parents' houses and there were multiple times where one of the parents didn't take you for their assigned times. If your parents/parental figures were together, it seemed like they could commit to everything else, but not you. They could commit to work and they could commit to other relationships, but never showed up for you. All you wanted was the adults in your life to just BE there.

At this point in time, you seem to be indulging in the needs of your ego. In an effort (conscious or not) to not worry about your traumas, you push your sad/angry/disappointed feelings into the shadows. What your doing seems like it should be fun, but are you actually enjoying yourself? Your inner child is telling you that you're holding back in an effort to protect yourself and it's time to think about what you REALLY need to help you feel better.

Pile four, you deserved to be loved the way you needed and I'm sorry that you didn't get that. But, it's not too late to love yourself this way. Be gentle with yourself when you start your new phase of healing. You have the capabilities to see beauty in the drabbest of places and you'll find the beauty in this, too. It isn't going to be easy, but damnit, if little you doesn't deserve this healing <3

#inner child #tarot reading #tarot #pick a card #amethyst #rhodochrosite #three of pentacles #two of swords #ace of cups #two of cups #four of pentacles #page of wands #three of swords #eight of cups #three of wands reversed #temperance tarot #ace of swords #three of pentacles reversed #the lovers tarot #the devil tarot #queen of cups

[whumpshaped]

this has been sitting in my drafts unfinished for ages... it was supposed to be the first of my robot drabbles to go up but here we are. i hope i'll have spoons to write more for these guys... i'll post some picrews sometime for the cast and also make a masterlist and give the story a title

masterlist

content: robot whumperee (literally whumpee and whumper in one i don't know how to describe it any other way), sci-fi setting, implied systemic whump, morally dubious caretaker, living weapon

Szoren grabbed the closest rag and did a cursory wipe-off on his tools before turning towards his robot: the Self-Sufficient Riot Control Unit, the very first one they'd ever created. SSRCU-01. Zaps, as they'd affectionately nicknamed it. An absolutely magnificent piece of machinery, something Szoren and his colleagues had been working on for years before they managed to get it to function properly.

Well, as properly as they could at the time. If he didn't count the unfortunate shocking incident from the first week, and the even more unfortunate airlock incident from the second week, he could say Zaps was doing a fine job of only hurting those it was meant to be hurting.

Which, of course... Szoren didn't like that his poor baby was made for such a brutal purpose... But he couldn't change the reality of it, and he was just glad to see his creation performing well.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" he asked cheerily, adjusting his glasses as he looked over the custom murderbot.

"The central processing unit seems to be malfunctioning, sir," it said, monotone as ever. Szoren didn't mind. He wasn't good with emotions anyway.

"Malfunctioning? How? I'll run diagnostics, but you can talk to me in the meantime." He hooked up Zaps to the computer, hoping the 'malfunction' would be easy to spot and solve. At least it wasn't the motor functions this time — he really didn't need another injury.

"The reactions are delayed, sir. I hear the orders and I see the mistakes I'm meant to be fixing, but the body locks up before I can carry out the task. It almost allowed one of the workers to run away."

Szoren frowned. Zaps was entirely okay from the looks of it, or at least the computer didn't find anything wrong with it.

"I'll take a look myself. Maybe it's something to do with the joints and not the CPU."

"The joints are fine, sir," it said firmly.

"It can't hurt to check—"

"The joints are fine, sir."

Szoren felt a chill run down his spine. There was no discernible emotion in Zaps' voice; it wasn't capable of conveying human emotion. There shouldn't have been an intensity to its stare either... But for some reason Szoren felt like he couldn't push it. That wasn't a nice feeling when it came to something he himself had helped design and create.

"Zaps... I'm going to take a look at your joints now." He didn't want to do something without the robot's consent; but to be entirely fair, the robot not consenting wasn't something that had ever even crossed his mind. It was equipment. A tool. It didn't consent to being worked on any more than the screwdriver consented to being worked with.

For a long moment, Zaps didn't react. Then the light behind its visual sensors seemed to dim as it obediently popped open all cosmetic panels that were hiding major joint connections. "Yes, sir."

"Good robot," Szoren murmured, relieved. "You said they'd 'lock up'?"

"Yes, sir."

"It sounds like something that some oil should fix, but... Evidently, it's not. All of these joints are perfectly oiled."

"Yes, sir."

"And it only happens when carrying out orders? What if it's something like... Bad wiring, something triggered by the electrical impulse..."

"There are other malfunctions, sir," it interrupted, and Szoren looked up. "I'm unsure how to describe those. It is akin to a virus. Someone might have tampered with the programming."

"What's the malfunction?"

"Sometimes I get false orders to hurt my superiors, sir. While carrying out my regular tasks is difficult, these false orders are at times incredibly difficult to resist."

"What?" Szoren turned back towards the computer, frantically trying to find something in the code that could explain this. This was alarming. This was dangerous! Possibly lethal! If Zaps ended up hurting someone important, the whole tech department would be on trial; and not a favourable one. "What are these orders like? Are they like your regular orders? Maybe it's something about the target list, maybe... Maybe someone tampered with that."

"Sir?"

He barely glanced at the robot. "Yes?"

"What is the purpose I have been created to fulfil?"

Szoren stopped. "You know your purpose."

"To punish workers who fail to comply with the rules set out for them by the Seventh Earth Council." At least it remembered that line. Szoren had drilled it into its head before anything else. "But is that..." It... trailed off? It had never done that before. Robots didn't trail off.

"Is that?" he prompted, more and more concerned.

"Is that all I've been created for?"

Szoren inhaled sharply. That was a loaded question, and one he didn't really want to answer yes to. It was the truth, though; Zaps had been created to punish and execute.

"Yes," he breathed, acutely aware that if the robot disliked his answer, it could very well turn its weaponry against him. It shouldn't be able to, but clearly, it was doing a lot of things and having a lot of thoughts it shouldn't have been able to.

It stared at him for a long, tense moment. "Understood, sir," it said eventually. Szoren exhaled.

"I'm going to switch you off and ask Kiki for some help in fixing you. How's that?" He tried to go back to his cheery attitude from before, but his voice came out strained and a little scared. Zaps didn't seem to mind.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

~

tags: @whumpsday

#whump #whump writing #szoren #zaps #sci-fi setting #implied systemic whump #morally dubious caretaker #living weapon #riot (story)

[qsmprambling]

A ramble about qBad and Parenthood (all for the character of course!)

It's pretty obvious that no matter what anyone says or how much they insist otherwise, Bad does not accept anyone (other than Skeppy) as Dapper's parent but himself.

Yesterday when Baghera said that Dapper was her son Bad pushed back on it a little, but when she didn't budge he very quickly said they didn't need to talk about it.

He loves Baghera, he accepts (reluctantly) that Dapper wants to call her mom, but in his own head and heart it is clear that he is Dapper's only parent, and Dapper is his only child. He may talk about adopting other eggs, but when it comes down to it he still considers them his nieces and nephews. While Pomme was trying to find the right time to call him 'dad', because she considers him as one of her parents, he had a heart to heart with Dapper while she and Richarlyson were near and it was very clear that for him he has his nieces and nephews, and then he has his son, Dapper.

It's somewhat understandable that maybe Baghera and Pomme might not see it as a big deal; they are already part of a 5 parent family to one egg, so what is the big deal about adopting another egg/getting another parent? It is just a different mindset and they obviously mean no harm- they adore Dapper and Bad!

But for Bad and all the other starting egg parents this is not the case. They are all individual family units, with extended support (aunts and uncles and friends), but still their own family units all the same. Since the start it has been him and Dapper against the world, and they got through the incredibly rough early Island days and became close. He adores Dapper, and Dapper loves him, and he loves their family.

So of course he is going to be upset with changes to this dynamic, especially without his consent and behind his back. He admitted to Tallulah that part of him was afraid Dapper was going to replace him, and who could blame him? He took care of Dapper for months on his own, and he adores Dapper more than anyone (after all, 'Dapper' was his answer to all Cucurucho's questions about who he loves the most, his best memories, etc.)... but the moment he is away for a few days, Dapper asks someone else to adopt him? He hasn't said as much but that has to hurt, or at least raise some questions. I don't think any of the original egg parents would be happy with such a development, because again, they are all individual families. Someone just walking up and saying they are now also a parent to your child is jarring to say the least!

Also before it gets mentioned, qBad can indeed be a jealous person, but in this situation there is validity to his feelings. He is happy for Dapper to have other connections and friendships and family members, but having other parents is a step too far for him.

And it's sad seeing other parents and even Dapper invalidating his feelings in that, telling him it's a good thing that more people love Dapper and he should just let everyone adopt his son.

Up until Baghera, everyone was happy to be aunts and uncles to the eggs, and there was no issue with this connection. And up until now, no other egg has been adopted by another player except for Tallulah, and that was by her grandfather and main caretaker after spending months in his care (AND it's temporary). But Dapper was adopted by Baghera while Bad was away, and Etoiles too has also told Dapper he was adopting him and they just wouldn't tell Bad about it.

I don't know, I don't have a conclusion to this, I just find it unfair. Bad really loves their little family, and it bothers me that other people are crossing those boundaries and then judging Bad for being upset about it.

I'm glad the QSMP twitter only listed Bad as Dapper's parent - because that's the truth (even if Bad would like them to mention Skeppy too).

#qsmp #badboyhalo #dapper #been bugging me since the first adoption

[sluttyminghao]

How hiphop unit would react to someone crying after an orgasm?

seungcheol: on one hand, he feels full of pride and knows that he's the main cause of the crying. he has a smirk on his face also, but he feels slightly bad that you're crying and he goes into full caretaker mode, just looking after you until you can form sentences again

wonwoo: is slightly panicked and doesn't know what to do, he's not sure if you're crying out of pleasure or out of pain or some other reason, so he just swoops you into his arms and holds you until you're comfortable enough to talk again and only then does his panic fade

mingyu: this man would not know what to do omg he'd probably start crying with you, his body is still horny and his dick is rock hard but he doesn't know how to react so...he does what he does best and communicates with his dick. would tease your entrance to see if you are just overstimulated with pleasure and that's why you're crying

vernon: "are you okay did I hurt you?" he would be rushing to get you a towel, some water and snacks because he feels horrible about the fact he might've hurt you. hed spend hours snuggling with you just to make sure you're okay and makes sure to thoroughly communicate with you

#sluttyhao smut #kpop smut #kpop reaction #seventeen smut #seventeen reaction #hip hop unit smut

[the-24-7-lawlu-library]

Can I ask for a fic rec for a fantasy au where Law is a supernature creature (like a fae, vampire, or a demon) is is protective/possessives over human Luffy

Hi there anon,

we have some fae fic already posted, however, I noticed that I can't use too many tags so I will have to adjust some old posts tags again ;; anyway here are some non-human with possessive/protective law

In the Woods by betsib (M)

Luffy is fatally wounded after an ambush, and realises his attempts to flee his pursuers has led him into the Witching Woods. A mysterious figure appears in the darkness and asks him if he wants to live. Luffy says yes, not caring what that might mean for him. Thankfully, being magically bound to a strange forest and its even stranger caretaker isn't a bad deal. Written for 10 days of LawLu 2023, Day 4 prompt: Possessive

It Begins at Forever by KhepiAri (M)

The biggest price of Immortality is loneliness. After waiting for centuries, Doctor Trafalgar Law is destined to stumble upon his one true mate. Love happens when one least expects it, the forever has been set in motion for Law. Three-Part story. AU. Fluff, happy ending. LawLu, ZoRo, NaSa.

Vampire AU by xxkitty13 (E)

What will happen when a carefree man stumbles upon a grumpy vampire's castle?

A plethora of feelings by anonymous (E)

Sort of a continuation of Lustsick. You don't really need to read the other one to enjoy this fic. Law is sick and overthinking as always.

The Moonwitch And His Dumb Werewolf by KhepiAri (T)

A.U., Fantasy. Happy Ending. Three Part. LawLu (Switch Couple) When his village gets burned down and family captured by the bounty hunters, a young werewolf pup, Luffy, finds himself in the protection of a witch boy named Law and his father Corazon. As the war ravages, the magical creatures must unite to fight their biggest enemies; humans. "He was totally going to ignore the red blotch down the cliff; he was going to pretend that below his hill, on the snowy bed, was a creature in red. Yet he found himself walking down, picking up a bundle of expensive red. The child was shivering, his lips had turned blue, and he was muttering nonsense. At thirteen, he didn't want to be responsible, but his father would beat the shit out of him if he learned that he had abandoned a helpless child. He took his rescue inside the hut built of scrapes. He freed the child of his costly chilled cloak, removed the boots which didn't keep the frost bite away, his hands froze when he saw the thin silver chain around his neck with the moonstone pendant. Likewise, he had picked a werewolf pup."

As well as the rest of the Witch Trafalgar Law series by KhepiAri

-Mod Raiya

#lawlu #lulaw #monkey d luffy #trafalgar law #law x luffy #explicitly lawlu #possessive law #non-human #fantasy au #vampire #witch #demon

[kyliemoon3]

Why I love the Epsilon System (RvB)

I think the epsilon system from the series Red vs Blue is one of the greatest representations of Dissociative Identify Disorder in fiction (Spoliers for the show below). While obviously brought into science fiction, this is a fairly accurate representation of DID despite the fact that I'm not sure the creators did much research into the topic. So church or, the alpha, an ai based off the Director's mind, was tortured until he fractured. These fragments were then harvested by the director so he could have more than one AI unit.

So let's get the inaccuracies out of the way. The show seems to believe there is "the original" and that it is the alpha. The alpha is also as far as I know, an already fully developed mind. With actual DID, it only occurs in childhood as a result of trauma not letting the brain fully form into one cohesive self. So the parts of the brain essentially become more distinct. Honestly however I can see it being argued that the alpha is simply supposed to be the host, and that ai minds are different than human minds. Also Washington calls the disorder an outdated term that stopped being used a decade before the episode came out.

Okay that's it. Almost everything else is surprisingly accurate and now I get to gush about it! First of all, the fact that the entire thing happened because of the trauma the alpha endured is so amazingly accurate and ties both into the representation and the plot in an incredibly satisfying way. The ai fragments themselves are also quite accurate to the roles of DID alters, there is:

- A host, or an alter that is mainly out and in charge (Alpha)

- a factive, or an alter based on a real person (Beta)

- a persecutor, or an alter who attempts to harm the system in a misguided attempt at protection (I'd argue sigma, gamma, and omega)

- A little, or an alter that looks and acts like a child (Theta)

- A trauma holder, or an alter that holds some traumatic memories so the rest don't need to (epsilon)

- A protector, or an alter who keeps the system safe from harm (I'd argue delta)

On top of this beta and theta also represent alters of a different gender and age than the host respectively. And even something like alters dating can be seen through alpha and beta.

When talking with a friend about this he pointed out that eta represents fear and iota represents happiness. With that in mind and the fact we rarely see them, I believe they could act as internal caretakers by helping support the system. With eta supporting because they fear something bad might happen, and iota supporting because they want to spread happiness.

I also believe that both gamma and omega could, with more time, become reformed persecutors with them using their strengths to help the system rather than hinder it in their own way of helping. We already see this with epsilon relying on gamma occasionally when performing tasks. Omega has mostly been cartoonishly evil throughout the series and I think epsilon learning to accept and control omegas rage instead of holding it all back until he snaps would benefit the system.

Most of what we see of what the alpha system could've been if no fragments were taken is shown after all fragments but epsilon was destroyed in an emp blast. Epsilon uses his and the other fragments memories to create memory versions of them, acting just like them and letting them live on.

I love this because in most systems, there is a reason alters exist and they have a purpose that helps the system function in daily life. Epsilon while amazing, is much stronger when he has everyone else with him. He understood that this is what the alpha system should've been, and if he wants to do everything he can, having the other fragments with him is the best way to do it.

I have more to say, but I think I pretty much covered it. Epsilon-church and the other fragments are very well written and I can only hope we get a satisfying conclusion to their story in the next season. I'll also probably make a "why theta is the best ever of all time" post at some point too!

#red vs blue #rvb #rvb church #rvb epsilon #rvb theta #rvb delta #rvb alpha #rvb tex #did #osdd 1b #system

[flusteredfools]

Bearitt's DCA AU's & Fics Master Post

Green for in progress Purple for finished Blue for (fics) not started Red for dropped Orange for on hold

Faeful Hearts - Fairytale AU - Fae Sun x Fae Moon x Artisan Y/N

Ao3 Main Fic Listing

Ao3 Side Drabbles & Art (some chapters feature NSFW content)

#faeful hearts - tag for AU

#faeful arts - tag for tumblr art

Faete Reversal - Fairytale AU - Artisan DCA x Fae Y/N

Ao3 Main Fic Listing

#faete reversal - tag for AU

#faeful arts - shares AU tag for art

Product Testing - "Canon" - Staff Y/N x DCA

Ao3 Fic Listing

Flustered Fools - Slight Canon divergence AU - Staff Y/N x DCA (nsfw - eventual smut fic)

Ao3 Fic Listing - not available yet!

Fazrule Fitness Plex - Legend of Zelda Crossover AU - Zora Sun x Zora Moon x Hylian Y/N

Ao3 Fic Listing

#fazrule fitness plex - tag for AU

The Lighthouse Keeper's Keepers - Semi Detroit Become Human AU - Android Sun x Android Moon x Mer Y/N

Ao3 Fic Listing - not available yet sorry!

#the lighthouse keeper's keepers - tag for AU

Glitter Goo You - Slime (monster) Y/N x DCA

Ao3 Fic Listing - not available yet sorry!

#glitter goo you - tag for AU

A Superstar of our Own - Abandoned Child Y/N / DCA

Mostly Fluff/comfort story of the DCA becoming a new parent

Hypno-Clips - Yandere Eclipse x Y/N

Dark love story, not a true happy ending, at least not for y/n

Prized Possessions - Demon DCA x Author Y/N

you finally got that cabin in the woods you always wanted but it came with a bit more than you signed up for

Sure Clocks & More Art Thieves - Cozy Mystery AU - Sherlock-esc Tinkerer Y/N x Gang Leader Sun x PI Moon

you run a corner store book cafe with the help of a self appointed brother bot named Wattson, with your high observation skills and deductive reasoning the local police sometimes like to pick your brain over coffee. Too bad those skills don't seem to work when it comes to picking up on romance.

Comet Get StarStruck! - Idol AU - Idol Y/N x Idol Eclipse x Manager Sun x Security Guard Moon

The Genderfluid Duet of Star and Eclipse's popularity is on the rise! Fans just can't seem to get enough of how the duo mixes up their performances gender roles and vocal parts, both singer's vocal range and singing voice really stuns a crowd!

Lucky Star - Fortune Blessed Y/N x DCA

After attempting (and mostly succeeding) at saving a Jackalope as a child Y/N gains a clover like scar and some crazy good luck. After a lot of trial and error, they release they can pass that luck on to others but at the cost of gaining a lot of bad luck of their own.

But when they discover how someone could use it more than them, how could they not swap their fortune?

Lost then Found - After the Fire AU - Condo Manager Y/N x DCA

Running the slightly worn down Condominium wasn't your original life plan but things change. And after hearing about the lonely robot from the kids who stay in the unit next to you, you just couldn't help but be curious.

Summer Daze - Summer Camp AU - Camp Counselors Y/N x Sun x Moon

There's nothing quite like spending time in the great outdoors, enjoying silly crafts, campfire songs and smores... and maybe even a summer romance that could put the season's heat to shame.

Quick Guide to my Heart - Museum Guides Sun/Moon x Gift Shop Worker Y/N

They're not all that nice to you, but you can't blame them seeing what they have to deal with every day.

Runaway Rails - On the Run Y/N x Outlaws DCA

You needed to get away by any means necessary, and that ends up being a cargo train that ran through your small town

You didn't expect that same train to be hijacked and robbed that same night though

We Can Serve You Better - Cursed Royal Y/N x Royal Guards Sun & Moon

Ao3 Fic Listing

Fazco's Sanctuary on Pandora - MechRomancer Y/N x Clip-Trap (Mature - Nsfw)

The MechRomancer stumbles upon some abandoned Hyperion Caretaker AI's while searching for supplies for Sanctuary.

After deciding to let them take over Deathtrap as the machine's main AI, you end up bonding with them more than you had originally planned.

Once a MechroMancer now a MechRomancer

#fnaf dca #fanfic #master post #master list #I've got sooo many I want to make #they rattle my brain all the time

[redd956]

Western: 1920s Whump Prompt List

CW: Historical Violence, Implied Death Mentions

Bootlegger run went wildly wrong for Whumpee

Wounded whumpee crawls into a speakeasy for help

PTSD Attack caused by the "Great War"

Whumpee is socially exiled from town for catching an illness

Caretaker goes to check their barn, only to find a trail of blood leading down to it

Whumpee can't recognize their whumper, due to them wearing a protective medical face mask in the name of quarentine

Getting in an old timey car accident, in the middle of nowhere, with no idea how to recuperate or where to go

Veteran whumpee seizes up after hearing gunfire due to gangs/mafias

Getting stabbed by a switchblade

Botched hanging or execution

Getting shot but in the 1920s style way

Having arsenic slipped in whumpee's drink

Drinking bad homemade liquor (maybe with some pink elephants)

Whumper got hurt by whumpee in the war, and revenge hasn't left their mind one bit

Getting ran down by someone in a car

Whumpee went MIA during the war, and has been trapped overseas for some time now

Whumpee is an old timey construction worker, today they've taken quite the fall without any safety nets

Drinking bad water

Waking up in an overly crowded makeshift medical unit

Gas mask breaking

Cement shoes

Caretaker took in whumpee, when they discovered that their reason for such a low reputation comes from the injuries they sustained in war

Bike wreck in the middle of nowhere

#historical whump #whump #1920s whump #whump prompt list #whump prompts #military whump #whump stuff #whump prompt #history whump #historical violence #cw historical violence #cw violence #cw whump

[fixfoxnox]

I’d love to hear any Makarov headcannons if you have any, especially about his sexuality. Like how he was treated growing up in Russia, how he figured it out etc. I wonder if he ever just had to stomach backlash when he was in spetsnaz but once he rose to power he no longer cared or was threatened enough to hide that part of him.

(Still a bad dude, but he’s just so much fun to read about)

I'm doing this outside of SiTO Makarov cause I think that's what you were getting at here, so its just my headcanons on what we've seen about Makarov thus far:

He was an orphan, raised in a really packed orphanage with caretakers who didn't actually care about him or any of the kids there.

He watched kids come and go as well as several kids end up dying because of the cold/bad conditions, it ended up fucking him up pretty good

He was in the Orphanage until he was sixteen and during his time there he was like an older brother figure to many of the children there

He joined Spetsnaz/the military because he felt like it was the only option he had available to him

He knew he was gay around the age of ten, but he's smart so he also knew to keep it to himself

Kept his sexuality a secret under lock and key during his time in the military and was particularly good at hiding it

Would tell the other men fake stories of hookups with women and comment on women with them while they were out at bars/in towns

Lots of internalized homophobia, but he can't bring himself to sleep with women

When he starts moving up in Spetsnaz he begins to get a taste for power. He'd spent his entire childhood pretty much powerless to do anything, so finally having some control is a big deal for him, especially when he's placed in charge of his own unit

The power corrupts him and is what encourages him and his team to start doing all the bad shit they were doing

Particularly he was told that if he did this shitty stuff he would get a promotion/more power essentially, which is why he was so willing to participate

It would have worked out for him, except the intel of what was happening got to the UN and the UN, with the US spearheading it, demanded that Russia take action against these crimes. So he was made the fall guy and dishonorably discharged

The sudden loss of that power he'd gained fucked him up even further and pushed him to begin leaning into crime fully as an option. At this point is when he gets into all the stuff Shepherd mentions like human trafficking, terrorism, weapons deals, hired murders, etc.

He gets really good at this stuff which is what eventually catches the attention of Zhakaev

Makarov didn't actually give a shit about the ultranationalists before that, but he hates Americans and Zhakaev is offering him power and revenge against America so he's down for it

Fucking hated Victor Zhakaev. He though the kid was a little prick who had no actual talent and only got where he was because of daddy, he never said that though

He's assigned Yuri as a second by Zhakaev and he gets attached to the fucker insanely quickly

Yuri was ex-spetsnaz like him (though left on his own) and they bonded over that

Naturally he also earned a big fat fucking crush on Yuri too, though that actually works out somewhat well for him

Yuri is the only person who finds out about his sexuality and he only finds out about it because Makarov is begging him to fuck him while drunk

Anyways they start a secret relationship

They're together from like a year or so after Chernobyl to the airport breakup

Yuri starts pulling away from Makarov slowly after the nuke, and Makarov can feel it

He ends up kinda super desperately trying to fix whatever he'd done to make Yuri pull away because, at that point, the two had been together for well over a decade

Yuri was his person and so to have his person suddenly pulling away from him was not good

However he gets very distracted from Yuri pulling away when Zhakaev dies and he suddenly finds himself the head of the ultranationalists

He's working on his plan to start the way between Russia and the US and he gets tunnel vision on it to the point where he doesn't realize he's fully losing Yuri until its too late

He starts having suspicions that Yuri might have switched sides, but he doesn't want be believe it

Then Yuri introduces him to Alexei Borodin and Makarov knows that Yuri has switched sides. He's suddenly confronted with it in the form of an American man pretending to be a Russian man

Absolutely heartbroken, but ends up essentially locking up his emotions and throwing himself into his plans, including the new plan to kill Yuri in the airport

Even though Yuri betrayed him, Makarov still loved him so when the time came to "kill" him, he shot him somewhere that he knew the other could survive, under the excuse of making it painful for him

As we know, he lives to regret this as Yuri eventually teams up with the 141 to help bring him down once and for all

#thoughts with luke #you asked luke #vladimir makarov #cod yuri #makayuri #makarov x yuri #call of duty

[edupunkn00b]

Meus ex Machina, Chapter 9: Brothers

Edited public domain image of two hands reaching for each other, lit in deep blue and neon green.

Prev - Brothers - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

Logan makes another discovery, even if he doesn't yet understand all the implications. But first, another peek into the past.

Little arms hooked on the playground swing’s chains, Patton sat crying outside the Humane Touch Foundling Home. It was dinner time and all the other kids were already in the dining hall. The ones allowed out of the med unit, at least. Meals were always… energetic and the caretakers had their hands full with getting everyone fed. He had a little time before he’d be missed.

Hiccupping, he scrubbed away his tears with his sleeves and fought to get himself under control. 

His stomach had twisted into knots when the fifth graders had called him over after school. At first he’d been afraid they’d wanted to fight him, too. The week before, a couple of eighth graders from the middle school had jumped him, only letting up when he’d pulled an air car onto himself and hid under the chassis. He didn’t know where he’d be sent next if he got expelled for fighting again. But if he never hit back, there was nothing for them to tattle on.

So he’d learned not to hit back.

When the fifth graders instead asked him to lift up an electrobike and then a car, his excitement at being included in their games let him ignore the way the twist in his stomach never really went away.

So Patton had laughed along with the older boys. It wasn’t until they’d clambered on top of the principal’s air car and egged him on to lift it with the four of them clinging to the hood that he realized they weren’t laughing with him.

The boys’ taunts rang in his ears.

‘What a show-off!’

‘Aw, what’s the matter, Superbaby? You gonna cry?’

‘Go on, freak, go home and cry to your mommy!’ The boys laughed louder. ‘Oh, that’s right, your parents just dumped you there, didn’t they?’

‘Brad! Peter!’ A sharp adult voice rang out over the teacher’s parking lot. The boys were startled and Patton took advantage of their distraction and ran all the way to his foster home.

“Brubber sad?” 

Sniffling, he looked up, then down into the eyes of his baby brother. Technically he was his foster brother, but Patton didn’t care about the distinction and neither did sweet little Lucas.

He nodded and scootched over on the swing, giving the preschooler a weak smile. “Wanna come up here, Lukie?”

The little boy grinned, scrambling up on the swing and then onto Patton’s lap. “Whoa there!” The seat tilted, swaying side to side as Patton laughed and righted them both. “There, that’s better,” he said when they steadied with Lucas curled against his chest, one hand gripping his big brother’s shirt, the other wrapped around the swing’s crackled safety chain. Pushing gently with the one foot remaining close to the ground, Patton began to swing them.

“Brubber better?” Lucas asked, big eyes looking up at him like he could see right into his head and the thoughts inside.

Still chuckling, Patton nodded. “All better,” he said, sneaker skidding in the dirt. And he was all better. Joyful, with another laugh threatening to bubble up from his lips. He still felt the sting of the older boys’ teasing, still felt the worry that by the time they all got to school the next day, everyone would know he’d cried, but the moment Lucas touched his arm, he… he just didn’t feel bad about any of it anymore. He just felt… happy. “Lukie? Did you…” It couldn’t’ve been him. Could it? “Did you… do that?”

Lucas smiled up at him, nodding. “Brubber sad,” he repeated, this time not a question. He drew close again, rubbing his cheek against Patton’s chest like a cat. “Swing?” he asked, rocking back and forth.

“Yeah,” Patton whispered, holding tight to his baby brother. Carrot orange curls tickled his nose as he nodded. “Yeah, Lukie, I’ll swing us.”

~

The Prince did not join them for dinner. Instead, he remained on the roof for another hour or so before going straight to the kitchen. Patton excused himself with a small, determined smile but, after a few minutes, returned to the table alone.

Without a word, at least not one Logan could hear, The Prince strode past with a small covered dish and went to his room.

Subdued, the remaining group finished dinner quickly. After doing what he could to help V and Patton tidy up, Logan returned to the printing lab. For all that had happened, it hadn’t been long since the printer had finished, the matter jets still slightly warm from the final batch of exosuit panels.

V had cleaned up from their work and stacked the output in a tote set on a low bench.

Next to it was a ruggedized tablet similar to the one V had used. It activated as Logan picked it up, and a message appeared on the screen.

It’ll save you a step if you sketch in the CAD program. Let me know if you need help setting up. - V

The back of the tablet’s case was… soft. Well, grippy, and Logan experimentally laid it on his lap. The case seemed to meld to his stumps and he tapped at the screen, smiling at the way the tablet stayed flat and steady. He hooked the tote of finished pieces on the back of his chair then returned to his room.

Once inside, he wiggled back onto his window seat, the rapidly setting sun burning orange and red through the haze. He pulled the tablet closer and the screen lit up, revealing a menu of options.

Scanning the list, Logan grinned. Internal and external sensors, security cameras, light and climate controls, elevator tracker… Even the ordering program he glimpsed Silvertongue and V using in the meat.

Logan could access everything in HQ from this device. Well, everything he knew about, at least. He was certain there were additional layers of security only V and Silvertongue—and probably Patton—knew about, but Logan could tap through and view cameras throughout the kitchen and the med bay, the common room…

One of the common room cameras faced the wall above a mock fireplace. Given both the angle and the narrow space between the coffee table and the bumpy stone hearth, Logan had never seen higher than the mantle before. 

The wall was covered in picture frames, many antiques, housing real silicone-based glass covers and faded wooden borders. Some of them looked old enough to have belonged to the museum that had once owned the original structure.

Almost—almost—without meaning to, Logan zoomed in. The pictures were of the team. There were several of Patton lifting up V or The Prince in a big bear hug, grinning as their feet left the ground. Another was of Silvertongue sitting in his usual armchair, a tablet in his lap and a serious expression on his face, The Prince looming over him, tongue sticking out and waggling his fingers.

Was Logan only imagining the quirk in Silvertongue’s lips? The Prince couldn’t have actually caught Silvertongue by surprise, could he? How precisely would one hide a prank from a guilt-seeking mindreader?

Setting aside that thought, he focused on the other frames. More than half were pictures of children. Logan recognized The Prince and The Muse’s younger selves from the visions when the Muse’s EMF dropped. When he’d dropped it. There were other children, too, children he didn’t recognize. One was an older boy with hair just like Patton’s, holding the hand of a much younger child with curls so red they looked almost orange, like an old 2D video his mother had shown him. The same little red haired boy was in another photo, clutching a blanket.

Both photos, along with a third of a boy Logan belated recognized as a very young Patton, were singed, a big black semi-circle cutting all the way to the colored start of the image. Like what one would see if you’d burnt just the edge of a stack of antique flammable paper.

Off to the side of the collection was a small photo Silvertongue lying on a couch much like the one in the common room.

Logan zoomed in further and smiled. He wasn’t alone on the couch. He lay with his head rested on the lap of another young man. And Silvertongue was young. Not a child, but Logan would guess early twenties? Maybe? 

They both were. Silvertongue was dressed impossibly casually, simple slacks and a long-sleeved shirt like the ones Patton seemed to favor. His scars were much darker and, with his open collar, Logan could see they spread down his chest, as well.

The scars on his hands were dark, too, and freshly healed. His bare fingers were intertwined with the other young man’s and Silvertongue lay back, relaxed and smiling up at him as he read aloud from an antique printed book.

The other man’s orangey red curls flopped over his eyes, only a few shades darker than the tiny child in one of the other pictures. Between the hair and the book, most of his face was hidden, but his cheeks were round and tinged pink, just like Patton's.

And the little boy in the other pictures.

The lights dimmed in the common room and Patton’s tall, broad shadow passed over photographs. He and V must be close to finishing up. Logan closed out of the feed, cold prickles crawling up his spine. Surely they could know he'd been watching the common room.

Back in the main video menu, the prickles turned to ice when he found the array of external cameras, as well. Guilt gnawed at his belly. No, this must be a mistake. There’s no way I should have this kind of security access.

He hit the comm button to the kitchen. “Hey, um, V?”

“Yeah, Mac?” V answered, the clink of tools in the background. Almost eerily, Patton’s tread passed the sound pickups, completing his path back to the kitchen. “Need help with the tablet?”

“Ah, no…” Logan rubbed the case, marveling at the texture. “No, it’s—it’s great, thank you. I… I think I might have���”

The clinking stopped. V, too, was quiet, listening. Oh. This was a test. They want to know if they can trust me. 

“I think I have the wrong access,” he said at last, eyes falling shut. “I can see all the security cameras.”

“Oh, good, you got in okay,” V’s voice grew more relaxed and the clack of tools against metal resumed. “The menu’s not super intuitive. But I figured you’d take to it pretty fast.”

“But… Should I…”

Patton’s voice rumbled quietly in the background and V chuckled. “You worried you hacked in? Or that our security’s that flimsy?”

“Well…” Logan’s cheeks warmed. “I thought perhaps… Perhaps it was a test of some sort, actually.”

V laughed out loud this time. “Hey, that’s a good idea, Mac. Nah,” he said, catching his breath. “If you’re on the cameras, you should be able to see them, too, y’know?”

Logan blinked, looking down at the tablet. “Well, yes, I… I see the logic. I suppose I… I’m… I’m just…”

“You’re just used to those bastards at Abracadabra,” V finished.

“Language!” Patton scolded, loud enough to be heard over the comm.

Surprised at himself, Logan laughed with V. “I think perhaps you are correct. Thank you, V.”

“Anytime, Mac.”

~

Minutes bled into hours as Logan explored HQ through the cameras, first the live feed. And then their recordings.

The cameras skipped large pockets of time, presumably when there was no movement in a given area. The size of their data storage was remarkable, with the feeds on some of the cameras seeming to go back months.

The zoom controls were useful, particularly for the high-definition cameras at the entrances, in the hall. 

And in the basement.

When Logan found the basement camera feed, he quickly scrolled back and watched The Prince emerge from off camera only to stare at the door for a long while before entering the elevator. Logan double-checked the time stamp. It had been while he’d was talking with Patton in the med bay.

Rolling the feed back further, Logan soon found footage of V and Patton leaving The Muse’s room, the tall bear-like Powered crying as he walked with V’s arm wrapped around him. There were no sound controls, at least none that he could find, but as Logan rolled back through the long stored history of footage, he found himself grateful. 

He skipped a little further back and saw himself, small and shaking as he fled to the elevator, slamming the call panel and retreating. Even now, tucked away in the soft window seat in his room, The Muse’s voice echoed through Logan’s mind,through his cells. Those panicked, anguished pleas for Silvertongue to return to him.

The next video timestamp was just over a week ago, shortly before Logan had come to HQ. Silvertongue left The Muse’s room and ripped off his helmet. Tears ran down his face and he crouched on the floor in front of The Muse’s door, shoulders shaking in silent sobs. Both hands pressed against the door, his mouth moved. But even zoomed in as far as it would go, Logan couldn’t make out what he was saying. Just that he was repeating the same words over and over.

After several minutes, Silvertongue pushed up to his feet, composed himself, then swooshed down to the elevator and disappeared. Logan didn’t need to follow Silvertongue’s path through the rest of HQ to know he was on his way to collect him from that abandoned cabin outside the University. 

“I’m so sorry, Muse,” he whispered, hand hovering over the last frame of the recording.

Then he kept going.

Logan reviewed the history of the basement cameras as far back as they would go, noting the timestamps jump with each recording. No more than two weeks passed between visits, but even a few days seemed like a horrifically long time to go without seeing anyone at all. The visits were short, typically a couple of hours at most, and the usual visitors were Patton and V, sometimes only Patton. 

Silvertongue rarely made the trip downstairs and entered even less often. His visits varied in duration, sometimes only a few minutes, once for over four hours. Each time he left, the Powered looked shaken, crying beneath his mask. And each time, after the door closed, he’d kneel just outside, hands pressed against the door.

And the Prince… The Prince visited even more often as Patton, but he never entered. Sometimes he sat outside The Muse’s door, curled against it with his ear pressed to the reinforced durasteel. Sometimes he paced the long hall. Each visit ended the same, with The Prince pressing his palm against the door before retreating to the elevator.

Tears stung Logan’s eyes when he'd reached the final frame of the last saved video, the silhouette of a splayed hand just barely visible through the door window. 

Turning off the tablet, Logan decided that, chair or not, suit or not, he needed to go see The Muse for himself.

#Meus ex Machina #sanders sides #intrulogical #ts logan #ts remus #Machina #The Muse #Logan Sanders #Remus Prince #ts patton #ts virgil #ts janus #ts roman #Patton Hart #Virgil Morado #Janus Gates #Roman Prince #tags contain spoilers #orange side #ts orange side #spoilers revealed very quickly #Lucas Hart #ts lucas #janus sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #lucas sanders #patton sanders #for the tags‚ none are related to Logan

[vaguely-concerned]

...this is fully just a Vibe based observation, but sometimes NtN!John talks about M-- and A-- almost as if they were his parents fhdkjsahkjfas. it's mixed up with a lot of other stuff of course, but sometimes, especially when the two of them join forces, there's a sense of 'wow when mum and dad get along anything is suddenly possible' beneath it. I'm not sure it's an aspect John necessarily wants to admit to himself, but now that I've put it into words I think there's something to it, and it's an extension of something I was trying to get a handle on even back in HtN. the thing he says to augustine when asking him to come back to him at the end of HtN has always been really striking to me:

“Come, swear your loyalty, my son—my brother—beloved—Lyctor—saint.”

it speaks both to this insidious lack of boundaries and centering relationships entirely around himself -- 'you can only be something or someone in relationship to me: my child, my brother, beloved by me, my hand and my gesture in the world' -- and to how he's tried to make mercy and augustine* (freshly reduced to only augustine in that moment rip :'( ) his everything-in-one persons. they're his children, his siblings, his best friends, his spouses, his lovers, his generals, his disciples, his saints, his parents (less so after the resurrection, but there are still hints of it to my mind -- he really wants those two to get along and be a stable functioning unit again for the sake of his own emotional stability huh lmao, and to add spice he seems genuinely hurt at the thought that they've just been pretending to dislike each other while he was there and felt differently when they were alone together without him, at a point where that truly is the very least of his problems, it's weird and tangled stuff), his companions and caretakers, his dependents (they were so fucking scared), coworkers and subordinates, his enforcers -- all at once and all according to what he needs from them at any given moment.

*g1deon is different, because his use for him is more straightforwardly 1) as a weapon and attack dog and 2) when he needs someone, a buddy, to think he's fine. not necessarily right, but fine. the more things change ig haha

pretty much the only thing they aren't to him are cavaliers because, as augustine observes to mercy, he doesn't want nor need a replacement for alecto. he understands just enough about love and loneliness to not literally consume them completely into himself, and I don't think that's quite what he needs from them anyway, but god, he's done everything short of that in the name of tying them to him. (which i think is a theme mirrored in ianthe's relationship to corona, incidentally! for all of her 'real love is acquisitive' mindset, ianthe does realize that subsuming corona completely into herself is not going to be a satisfactory solution to their... whole deal. despite the way they're so deeply enmeshed, there needs to be a sliver of Other left in the mix to experience relationship instead of just uh. devouring yourself by your own tail, attachment wise, or the unending solitude of grief of the 'regular' flawed lyctorhood.) and part of how he did it is by setting everything up to make them complicit in the same sin he committed -- binding them all inseparably together politically/structurally, cosmically/metaphysically, spiritually, emotionally, morally, in common yet isolated eternal grief. you can't leave me, you're the same kind of bad as me. it's the same blood on all our hands now. a piece of me in you, a piece of you in me (but only to the extent it's convenient to me let's be sensible about this guys I am god after all I've got a lot on my plate right now). he made them kill and eat everything else they loved so only he was left, and they share in his guilt over the system of empire they created and perpetuated.

both mercy and augustine have, though the myriad, found ways to defend themselves against this obliterating kind of love john extends to them -- mercy by making herself unlovable, augustine by making himself untouchable. (Nothing could ever really touch Augustine vs. John's repeated statement of having to make his loved ones something he could touch -- many thoughts.) most importantly they had each other, as loathsome as I'm sure that fact was to both of them hahaha <3 this thing of 'when augustine and mercy agree on anything, you know shit's getting real' that turned out to be the one thing they could hold on to in this lifetime too.

and i think this whole glorious clusterfuck's role in the narrative ultimately is to shine a light on how harrow and gideon grew up together having to be everything to each other (under the cut because god this got long why am I like this):

Tiny Harrow had found [Gideon] an object of tormentable fascination—prey, rival, and audience all wrapped up in one. And though Gideon hated the cloisterites, and hated the Locked Tomb, and hated the ghastly great-aunts, and hated Crux most of all, she was hungry for the Reverend Daughter’s preoccupation. They were the only two children in a House that was otherwise busy getting gangrene.

and provide an example of the long-term toxicity of a similar interpersonal dynamic. Harrow and Gideon ended up like that through no fault of their own; they didn't choose it, it was a tragedy they were innocently born into and then they acted out love and connection as best they could with what they'd been given, as brutal as their best was. but john is the deliberate architect of his own situation! he meant for this to happen, he decided this was an acceptable outcome long ago! the first house also has gangrene, but it's because john deliberately and methodically has been chopping all its limbs off over the myriad to feed it to the ghosts of his sin and done nothing in particular to treat the wounds!!! even mercy is deemed unnecessary in the end, once she's become more emotionally uncomfortable to deal with than useful to him, emotionally and otherwise. (and augustine realizes that's exactly how john thinks and how he ultimately views them! imagine having that knowledge hanging over you for thousands of years without being able to get out!)

john has been alive for ten thousand years, and for those ten thousand years he has kept the same three people around as his core family. (even from john himself we hear very little about any of his biological family apart from a few mentions of his grandmother, which seems... telling.) he's still playing house with them in harrow the ninth, hugs and family dinner and yes, love, but an infinitely haunted love. (also oh my god were harrow and ianthe basically the saving the marriage babies of lyctorhood, 'here have some new sisters they're just as good as the old ones probably cheer up' dhfsjdfa I've never thought about it like that before but there might be something there.) all three of the people he loves the most were intimately involved (ahahaha oh I do amuse myself at least) in a plot to murder him -- not because they didn't still love him in some twisted hopeless way, I don't think, just to get the horror to finally end.

he asks Harrow, seemingly rhetorically at the time: Why would you let someone go -- away from you -- untouchable -- two people? I couldn't... I loved them too much. if he'd paid any attention at all, he'd already know her answer: to keep myself from consuming her completely. so I wouldn't destroy her. he took their memories so they wouldn't leave him or stop loving him, while harrow gave up her own memories of love and grace rather than destroy gideon's soul, rather than continue to exist escalatingly at gideon's expense, as she has always been set up to systemically. (which is not like. a great long-term solution to the central problem of personhood/individuation vs. connection and love here or anything -- obliterating yourself in the name of love is no more sustainable or moral than destroying the other -- but it IS a statement of priorities haha.) do you think john would ever have taken that deal? he's tried to keep his loved ones exactly the same, keep them his and with him, for ten thousand years, and hasn't realized they've been slowly drifting away from him all that time -- that even if they had wanted to stay with him despite it all, with the way he has set it all up there is no choice anymore, it has destroyed them. it's the saddest fucking thing because he loved them so much, they loved him so much, and yet... he made it into this horrific thing with his own hands because he has that insatiable hunger and he's still so afraid of change, as much when he's made himself God as he was as a child. nona the ninth being a story of found families that ultimately 'fail' and fall apart even though love was there, reflecting back on the themes of HtN and revealing new things there. thoughts. many thoughts. indeed, feelings. please bear with me, I'm still not sure I've managed to say exactly what I mean here especially in terms of john's motivations but this is the best I could do right now and my brain is fried so... here have the Psychosexual Clusterfuck Polycule Thoughts I managed to pin down for now

TL;DR: sometimes I wonder what the fuck john's primary attachment relationships as a child were like because frankly it sounds like something did Not go entirely right there lmao

#the locked tomb #griddlehark #nona the ninth #the locked tomb meta #nona spoilers #ntn spoilers #the locked tomb spoilers #john gaius #mercymorn the first #augustine the first #I am Writing Fic. I am Thinking Thoughts. #I am going a little bit Insane #bad cop worse cop and sorry cop #nona the ninth spoilers