#bruce tells ollie

[batfamhyperfixation]

*At a Batfamily meeting*

Tim: As the only one in a committed relationship- Selina doesn't count after your whole wedding drama- I really feel-

Jason: what do you mean 'thE OnLY oNe', you aren't the only one

Tim: oh yeah, who else is in a serious committed relationship?

Jason: Me? I've literally been married for years?

Bruce: EXCUSE ME???

Dick: who to?

Jason: Roy

Dick: EXCUSE ME??? EWWW YOU AND ROY, GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD, MY FRIEND AND MY LITTLE BROTHER GROSSS

Jason: Wait, did none of you know? I literally call him my partner all the time

Tim: To be honest we thought you meant partner in crime, not marriage

Jason: I mean, both but still...

*Later, during the ✨vigilante hours✨ of the night*

Bruce: I hear you are married to my son

Roy, panicking cause Bruce is really protective of his kids: Oh, shit, um, yes- yes sir

Bruce: without my blessing

Roy: uh, yeah, we were on a time crunch, married couples can't testify against each other

Bruce: without inviting me to the wedding

Roy: I uh- you were gone that weekend, business trip

Bruce: I haVE A PRIVATE JET, I WOULD HAVE FLOWN IN! IT WAS MY SONS WEDDING, I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN THERE

Roy: I'm sorry, sir

Bruce: tell me one more thing

Bruce: was Ollie there?

Roy: No

Bruce: Does Ollie know

Roy: No

Bruce: your recompense is to allow me to be the one to tell him so I can brag to him that I knew first

Roy: uh, sure?

#bruce tells ollie #who has the same freakout and interrogation except against Jason #and both men force the two to have a vows renewal so they can all be there #but both men just use it as an excuse to one up each other #roy and jason are just like i mean free stuff #and tim is just sitting in the corner with bernard all angry cause he wanted to be the first wedding within the family #and he coulda been if he just shut his mouth and let Jason be happily married at the courthouse without a wedding involved #jayroy #jason todd #roy harper #red hood #red hood and the outlaws #jason todd and the outlaws #tim drake #dick grayson #bruce wayne #incorrect batfamily quotes #bat family #batfam #batkids #the outlaws #dc outlaws #the only person who knew was alfred #he was their witness and he was the first person Jason told #and lian obviously #and kory was there but she couldnt be a witness cause she is an alien

[mysterycitrus]

i think isolating the bats from their teams and external support systems is like….. functionally bad. like wdym red hood is on dicks speeddial but his actual soulmate donna troy isn’t. why is everyone in gotham. why do these people have no friends

#fic where the league never meets the bats and are super intimidated by them but somehow dick is still nightwing #every fic where people call jason for help instead of the titans or the bop #fic where wally hangs around dick 24/7 but there’s no linda or iris or the twins or hartley or anyone else mentioned #donna is just totally mia. roy is there for jason to get mad at or fight ollie for #kon waxes poetic about being a clone but is otherwise an accessory to tim #the bats are so smart and special and league is so afraid of them as if everyone doesn’t collectively think bruce is cringe #cass is in hong kong. again. for some reason #no one knows who garth is #look me in the eyes and tell me guy gardner would give a shit about bruce waynes menacing aura

[gretahayes]

Robin & Batman (2021) #1

WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS SO SICK.

#my rambles #dick grayson #bruce wayne #bruce & dick #THEY WERE HAVING A. FUCKING MOMENT #@ olly WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO READ THIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME #save

[milowing]

i hate when people--especially dc writers-- act like damian is bruce's only child "i have a son" "he's become a father"

bruce doesn't have a son, he has four, and a daughter. bruce didn't become a father the day damian was born, he became a father when he realized that he needed to help a little boy who wanted revenge for his murdered parents. dick grayson was introduced in detective comics #38 in april of 1940. that's 11 months, 11 issues, and 11 appearances after bruce wayne was first introduced. that's years before alfred, or barbara, or the first batman and superman interaction. batman has been a father since before the idea of extended superhero universes existed. this is not new, and the idea that it is is frankly insulting, not only to the character, not only to the fans, but to anyone who's ever had family they are not blood-related to.

#saw something like this recently in an official dc thing and it pissed me off :') #i'd get into how it's inherently queerphobic too but i don't want to be annoying lol #dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #they also do this with ollie but i've read a bit less of the arrows #also my fav arrow is The Blood Son™ (connor) so i don't get as personally mad about it lol #and they probably also do it with other characters but im mostly into characters that don't have kids so uh #fans of those characters tell me ur struggles i will listen #but no one better come in here talking about clark and kon THEY ARE BROTHERS!! #milowing

[charliecuntcicle]

hal jordan my beautiful sopping wet cat of a person babygirl boyfriend

#hal jordan #green lantern #hes just....hes babygirl #do you think he knows hes babygirl #somebody needs to tell him #i vote ollie or barry but also i think it would be funny as hell if bruce called him babygirl in the batman voice

[trespasssweetlyurged]

i feel like the annual Wayne Foundation Charity Gala is the gotham equivalent of the Met Gala with different themes every year but if anyone doesn’t stick to the theme they get forcibly removed

#batman #bruce wayne #dc comics #alfred handles a majority of the planning while bruce just signs his name on things #alfred succesfully makes the theme superheroes one year and bruce doesn’t find out until his tailor appointment #where the tailor is asking him if he’d like to be batman or superman and he bluescreens #(he picks superman and doesn’t tell clark on purpose) #Ollie shows up in his green arrow uniform and refuses to answer any questions #the party either never makes it a full night without being attacked OR its the only party in gotham that makes it the whole way through #its the safest place in the city for that night and that night only #the morally gray villains arent attacking a charity gala #the rest of them might try it but i gurantee there’s batfam security detail at all times #bruce is a control freak so he has a comm on him at all times #except sometimes the only update is ‘jason saw taylor swift show up dressed as wonder woman and fell off the roof’

[just-about-nothing]

whyd dc cuck oliver queen by making him rich again we have bruce we dont need two billionaire assholes running around we need one billionaire asshole and a blond asshole who wants to redistribute his wealth more than anything else and theyre constantly fighting about it

i hear your bruce & oliver were frenemies in boarding school headcanon & raise you actually oliver has no money & thinks bruce is lame as fuck for being rich and wants to fight him on sight for it

#i rant #green arrow #oliver queen #dc #'did queen industries go down or w/e what's the vibe here''oooooh he's just like a murdery leftie very rad very cool we love to see it' #literally the whole arc of how oliver becomes rich is DUMB AS FUCK we do not approve lordy #in the ideal universe oliver and anarkey team up & ollie rehabs anarkey much to bruces consternation #tbc i'm not talking about like another speedy i'm talking about radical leftie oliver being like. #well this is how u can enact leftie change w.o bringing bats down on you. but if you rlly wanna take a swing at batman heres the weak spots #actually given how many of the rogues are left wing in their ideology (ivy ra's anarky at least) leftie ollie would be doubly pissed at bruc #'youre telling me ra's had a hitlist of oil & nat'l gas executives & you tried to stop him from killing them???? wtf bruce' #<- actual plot of ra's' & bats' latest issue together #ANYWAY. justice for murdery leftie green arrow!! #i literally forgot to provide context. i'm reading green arrow88. oliver was not wealthy from the early 70s to the 2000s

[ivoryteeth]

someone on the justice league should just enter the meeting, tell everyone "guys, bruce isnt handsome.... clark is handsome, hal is handsome. bruce is pretty" & then leave

#probably ollie but i dont read alot of jl comics #but u know im right tho #bruce is a well bred. perfectly postured socialite. of course hes pretty #he has pale skin & dark hair. idk what to tell u #clark is the manly sort of handsome i donno #hal. ollie & j'onn r all handsome #both barry & wally are pretty too #john stewart green lantern is also pretty #no i wont explain myself #someone talk to me tho. idk if this is in my head or backed up by logic #blup.

[tarragonthedragon]

the difference between the bats and the arrows is that ollie has more than once snapped his kids out of brainwashing/depression/the morbs by standing there unarmed and telling them to shoot him whereas if bruce tried that with 90% of his kids they would assume it was a 5D chess manipulation tactic and either shoot him immediatly to call his bluff or have an all-out breakdown (or both)

#dc #batman #green arrow #batfam #arrowfam #bruce wayne #oliver queen

[frownyalfred]

I am begging for more slut Bruce headcanons- PLEASE-

once had a dick-sucking competition with Oliver Queen in school and won by a full ten points (this is the first thing that comes to Ollie's mind when he finds out Bruce is Batman, unfortunately)

sometimes he just sits down in people's laps as a power move. it works.

learned how to look artfully mussed and disheveled from none other than notorious GILF alfred pennyworth

sometimes he and Dick infiltrate Gotham nightclubs for info and a lot of people have trouble telling them apart in the dim lighting

has ranked the Justice League in order of objective fuckability for a contingency plan and Hal Jordan is actually at the top, to his horror

occasionally shows up to Wayne Enterprises board meetings and flagrantly hits on everyone regardless of age except Lucius and Bob's wife (who's very nice) as a semi-annual intimidation tactic (it also works)

#asks #anon #headcanons #bruce wayne #batman #dc #dc comics #batfamily

[batfamhyperfixation]

The fun game of which headcanon would I like better:

A) one of the batkids playing welcome to the black parade by MCR and Bruce knowing every word cause of course he does, he went through an emo phase (he's still in his emo phase), he listened to it on repeat when it came out to the point that even Alfred can recite the lyrics, it was his inspiration for the Batman mantle

Or

B) one of the batkids playing welcome to the black parade by MCR and Bruce BECOMING obsessed with it, like he's never heard it before but the lyrics hit him hard and he then forces anyone near him to listen to it on repeat for weeks cause he plays it everywhere he goes, he gets into all their other songs, and he, as a middle aged father of 7, goes through the MCR black parade aspect of his emo phase

#he and ollie used to listen to it together #their feud would end as long as the song was blasting and they would belt out together #the batkids see this as the Embarrassing Dad™ Bruce and they just try to roll with it #if anyone tries to make fun of Bruce he just pulls the old 'this is my house and ill play my music without judgement' card #bruce seems like the type to not often get obsessed with things like songs but when he does he gets it BAD #bruce wayne #batman #batman hc #batman headcanon #batkids #batfam #welcome to the black parade #mcr #its crazy how well these lyrics fit with bruce like if you told me this song was written about bruce wayne i would believe you #its also radical that wecome to the black parade came out in 2006 #like dude i was barely 1 when that came out #and 16 years later my friends and i listen to it unironically along with many other mcr songs #but like seriously you need to go listen to it and tell me im not the only one who sees the comparisons #this is like bruces unoffical theme song (and mcr has a song called na na na (na na na na na na na na na) which i guess you could say is #batman's literal theme song- im telling you this is like Batman's Band™ and dont let anyone tell you otherwise

[wondersinwaynemanor]

let's pretend that this is the right timeline because what if Dick becomes Batman at the same time when Wally becomes The Flash?

let's also say that this is just like the Justice League animated series wherein the League members don't know each member's identities (except of course Bruce, he knows everybody).

how funny would it be if Dick and Wally are together and the rest of the League are confused because all of a sudden Batman and Flash are close like super close? i mean they have witnessed how Flash gets intimidated by Batman. now, that's not the case anymore.

during a meeting:

Hal, leaning to John during a League meeting, whispers: I'm not losing my mind, right?

John, whispers back: I think I know what you mean.

Hal: Why is Flash making heart eyes to Bats????

John: I know??? Flash doesn't even look him in the eyes before.

Hal: That's so odd, dude.

Batman glances at the two Green Lanterns which makes them shut up.

meanwhile, across the table, Martian Manhunter has a light smile on his lips and Superman covers his laugh with a cough.

-

at the cafeteria:

Ollie: Hey, Dinah. Have you noticed something unusual between Batman and Flash lately?

Dinah: It is quite unusual, huh? I was talking to Hawkgirl the other day and she said she saw Flash bridal carry Bats.

Ollie: What the actual fu-

Flash, approaches the couple's table with a big bowl of nachos on his hand: Hey, guys! Mind if I sit with you?

Ollie and Dinah give a knowing look at each other. a conversation they definitely will finish later.

-

during in an another planet mission:

Batman, after announcing everyone's partners for the mission:... And lastly, I will pair up with Flash in today's mission.

Flash grins widely, that has Arthur thinking his cheeks might be hurting after that.

Arthur: Yeah, yeah. At this point, we already know, Bats!

the Green Lanterns, along with Captain Marvel and Booster Gold, snicker at his comment.

Batman ignores Arthur's comment and the rest of the members scatter to their assigned locations.

Victor, who was paired with Arthur: Was gonna give that comment too.

Arthur: It's like they are inseparable all of a sudden.

Victor, shakes his head: Well, I have seen weirder things.

-

in the meeting hall:

Wonder Woman, pulls Batman in the corner of the room: Okay, that's enough. You are truly ignoring me. What is going on with you lately?

Batman: Did the rest of the League put you up to this?

Wonder Woman, has her hands on her hips: They didn't need to. So, tell me. And don't you ever lie to me, I can see right through you, Batman.

Batman, sighs: It's hard for me to explain. I can't-I can't tell you right now.

Wonder Woman: Hera! Now, Bru-Batman.

before Batman responses, the door of the meeting hall opens and in comes Robin with his katana. the conversations between the League members come to a stop as they stare at the young hero.

Robin, glances at everyone, before approaching Flash: I need help with an important matter.

Flash, smiles and ruffles Robin's hair, as if that's second nature: Of course, little dude.

Hal, stands up from his seat: THAT'S IT! Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on????

Ollie, stands up with him: Are we in another dimension that I don't know about?????

Dinah pulls Ollie down by his arm to make him sit again.

the rest of the League members start to converse against each other.

Superman, floats a bit from his seat: Why don't we all settle down? There's nothing to be alarmed about.

Robin, shakes his head: Tt. Absolute fools.

by the time Bruce and Barry are back:

-

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: Chum, you could at least be discreet with Wally.

Dick: It's not my fault, B! I swear I was going to explain to Aunt Diana then Dami entered the room.

Damian: Tt. Don't blame me, Grayson. Why don't you lecture West on how to be more responsible? He left me on read when I asked help for my Science project.

Dick, sighs: And what about Timmy? He could have helped.

Damian: I don't want anything to do with Drake.

Bruce massages his temples as he feels a headache coming up.

-

Barry: Wally!!!!

Wally, zooms right in front of Barry: I couldn't help it, okay?? Dick is just irresistible.

Iris giggles as she prepares the table for dinner.

Barry, sighs: That's alright. I'll talk to Bats on how we can explain it to the team.

Wally, grins and sits down by the table: It was hard not to laugh at them. They were so confused.

Barry, chuckles: I'm sure Hal's expression was the funniest.

Wally, laughs: You have no idea, Uncle Barry.

#bruce: sorry about that #diana: all that matters is you are back #clark: you should have seen the look in their faces #incorrect batfam #incorrect justice league #incorrect dc #justice league headcanon #batfamily #batman #the flash #dick grayson #wally west #birdflash #justice league #damian wayne #bruce wayne #barry allen #incorrect justice league quotes #dc comics #yel chronicles

[emma-d-klutz]

Clark telling someone on the Daily Planet who only knows him vaguely as a coworker that, sorry, he really cant take any of that Wayne Ent job off him. Why? Well he sure would like to be of help but journalistic integrity and all. Oh you don't know? Wayne is one of his best friends. No for real. No really! Like probably slot 5 of his top 5 favorite people in the world if he's ranking. (No, Lois isn't first. His mom is first. Which Lois knows but don't like say that I said that.) Right Wayne! No yeah for real love the idiot. You haven't seen him come around? Yeah and he always calls Clark the wrong name as a joke because we're friends. Dude I'm not lying to get out of this! Why would I lie? Ok yeah it is an annoying assignment...

Hang on.

Clark texts someone on his phone. Waits a beat. Gets a text back. Calls someone. It's ringing. It picks up.

"You're on speaker, B."

"Sorry just had to get somewhere quieter-" It is so loud in the background Wayne is nearly screaming into the phone. "Oh yeah Clark was with me all last week. Whatever you saw was someone else. In fact, he saved my life up there. I broke part of my spine on a fall and was partially paralyzed instantly, and he had to carry me over his shoulder. But then after five hours of carrying me, his adrenaline gave out, and so did his legs. So we're both on the ground in a pile right near the ledge, and we start sliding that direction, and I think to myself -I distinctly remember- I think to myself that if we're going to die, at least I get to die looking at intrepid reporter Clark Kent, who is waaay more ripped than he looks with a shirt on and has the most soulful blue eyes. And then we were saved or something because he's such a genius that he rewired his phone and rigged it to get a signal even in the middle of nowhere on the fly and called for a helicopter. Or something like that. I don't know. But yeah thats why Clark's been gone, and if you thought you saw him, you saw someone else. I mean that haircut is everywhere. Did you know he set that trend? Anyway I gotta go."

The line goes dead. Clark and the coworker look blankly at each other for a moment.

".....You were here all last week."

"Sorry. I didn't text him why I needed him to say he knows me, so I think he just.... tried to cover all the bases."

(Bruce is in several layers of method acting ofc but Jimmy, Hal, Ollie, Dinah, Kara, and several more all gleefully corroborate it immediately when given the opportunity and even yes-and onto it, and now Clark's journalistic integrity is going towards reminding his coworker that he was here last week I promise they're all doing bits )

#bruce wayne: now if I were bruce wayne what motive(s) would i misinterpret for such a text?

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Hey I'm new here, may I offer a thought I can't get rid of?

Dick: Bruce, listen to me. Jason is on his way to tell you he's in a relationship with Roy

Bruce: WHAT-

Dick: SILENCE. You have GOT to be cool about this. You two are finally on speaking terms. Alfred will take us both out if Jason stops coming to family dinner.

Bruce: But-

Dick: SHUT UP

Jason: Bruce, I got something to tell you. Roy and I are dating.

Bruce: ... congratulations! I'm so happy for you.

Jason:

Jason: Actually we're getting married. Three weeks is long enough.

Bruce: I couldn’t be more proud! Let me know if you want me to contribute-

Jason: You know what? Ollie is paying for it.

Bruce: *in visible pain* How wise. You should bond with your in-laws.

Jason:

Jason: DICK YOU RUINED MY MOMENT I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A HEART ATTACK YOU FUCKER

Welcome. Thank you for the thought, I adore it.

#bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #jayroy

[alyakthedorklord]

Part 3 of Batman the Playboy, in which I change my mind about the reveal in part 2:

Batman: “So you didn’t notice?”

-justice league record scratches-

GL, horrified: “No. there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way…”

Batman’s grin would fit better on a supervillain, before he suddenly, miraculously, transforms. He leans back, tilts his head, the smirk isn’t evil but instead inviting and amused: “Really, Mr. Jordan, your job is just so fascinating… tell me more about planes…”

GL: 😨

Batman, turning on the rest of the league, one by one, changing his body language ever so slightly for each person: “Mr. Allen, I do hope you’ll entertain me again if I’m ever back in central, I had a grand time. Dinah darling, I stand by what I said, Ollie was SO much nicer to kiss when we were in college. Princess, the boys and I are in your debt. Mr. Jones…”

Batman’s mind goes no thoughts, head empty. Martian Manhunter is both impressed and embarrassed, nodding in understanding as Batman turns to the final hero, smiling sweetly, brain still empty as a blank sheet of paper: “And, Mr. Kent…”

Batman steps closer, hand on Superman’s chest, hip cocked, Brucie Wayne smile in full effect: “Our conversation got… cut off, the other night, because I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me going further, which is a damn shame. Call on me, won’t you?”

Superman, realizing why a very eager Brucie Wayne stopped their makeout session short: “…huh? OH- um.. uh huh.”

Green Arrow, short circuiting: “No fucking- BRUCIE? How? How is that possible?”

Batman, backing away from a shutdown superman, the physical mask on his face hardly the most effective one in his arsenal: “Because I’m Batman.”

Bonus for @help-i-need-a-cool-username: Hal Jordan STILL doesn’t know who bruce wayne is.

a few months later:

GL: “So this big old money billionaire guy in gotham is connected to this, i think he’s called Wayne or smth.”

Justice league: “…”

Flash, had a FULL DAY of Brucie and was VERY aware of who he was with: “Uh… Hal?”

Green Lantern, who heard Bruce’s name in passing, while distracted, under loud club music + has tried to erase that night from his memory: “what?”

Batman, under his breath: “We can find your secret identity so easily, batman, you’re not that good, Batman, we’re just being polite, Batman.” Sure you fucking can, Jordan. You know, it’s polite to remember the names of people who you’ve fondled.”

#batman the playboy #dc prompt #bruce wayne #justice league #justice league shennanigans #autistic batman

[turboloverjudas69]

The only reason green arrow realised who Batman is first is cause Batman slipped once and said “talk to me superman” after a mission during a briefing once when everyone was super tired in the exact same tone and jersy accent Brucie would say“keep twalking ollie we need to pass this test” to him when they were in the library in school at 3am.

He just sits there staring into space. Next day he tries to tell himself it was just the exhaustion but inside he knows.

Bruce noticed and inside slapped himself but keeps his composure.

#dick grayson #Batman #brucie wayne #Bruce Wayne #green arrow #Oliver green #justice league #identity reveal #batarrow