#but also seeing carlos' reaction to it all and knowing he needed to be reassured that tk wasn't doing this to get him to change his mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writinginfinite · 1 year

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imagine part viii

imagine: form a mental image or a concept

plot: you didn’t know what you were getting into when you turned your hobby into an actual career on f1. based on Lewis’ “imagine” tweet.

Saturday May 7, 2022

"again"

All you wanted was to wake up believing yesterday was a nightmare that you couldn’t escape the grasp of. When you finally decided to check your phone, you were reminded that it wasn’t a nightmare but a reality. The numerous missed calls and texts only added to your stress because you hated others worrying about you. All the text read about the same “Are you okay?” “Please explain what happened?” “What’s going on?” Thousands of thoughts ran through your mind reading the same messages repeatedly. There was nothing for you to explain, though. The video told it all; you couldn’t comprehend why people needed further context. If that weren’t enough, nothing you ever did would.

You scrolled through the countless missed calls and texts of those worried about you. It was time to face the music and calm the nerves of others, even if yours were through the roof. You didn’t have any energy to return phone calls because if the video weren't enough to even the ones who cared for you, nothing would do. You sat in a chair for minutes typing up a text that would be short but reassuring. You shook your head in frustration after typing up a lie. You could only hope that a lie would get everyone off your back. Almost instantly, replies were coming in. It was overwhelming, so you turned your phone on Do Not Disturb until you felt ready to talk again.

The walk through the Paddock was tense. You didn’t know if it was all in your head or if the feeling of people staring at you was happening. What caught you most by surprise were the looks from team members. You looked around, hoping to see a famous figure or just anything other than you that people were looking at. To your disappointment, there was not, only you and a few other people walking around, and they were also glancing at you. That trek toward the media center felt like hundreds of miles. "This is going to be a long weekend " was all you could think while heading towards the media center.

You could feel a sudden shift in the room as you walked in to find a seat. You couldn't tell if you imagined it, but it seemed as if everyone was further away from you than usual. And as you found your seat, it only felt worse. All the reporters’ reactions didn't surprise you; you knew the second you sent out that tweet, the dynamics would split even further. If their goal was to get under your skin, they were starting to succeed. You had to try and put it behind you because you had a job, just like everyone in that room.

Qualifying flew by, and the only shocking outcome from qualifying was the order of the top three; you expected it to be in reverse. If you could ever get to it, that was something you planned on highlighting in your post-qualifying article. Being overwhelmed affected your work. Pieces were now on the backlog, which wasn’t normal for you, and you hoped no one would notice. You watched Charles, Carlos, and Max enter the media center for their post-race qualifying interviews, but you could not care less now. You had no questions for them because you knew they’d give the same generic responses.

Get asked about Red Bull (even after qualifying first), have to praise them, then talk about your team. “They are extremely quick in straight lines. We are quick in the corners, and it will be a tight challenge tomorrow. And hopefully, we'll come back on top.” Or Carlos being asked if he’d finish behind his teammate because he’s ahead in the championship and has to say nonsense to avoid making a cheap headline. “No, the consideration is that we are teammates and that we want to score a one-two for the team independently of who is ahead or behind.” It was the same energy, just in a different country. You used that time to write about practices two and three.

You were about to publish practice two and three articles when your wrist vibrated. You looked at your watch to see Ashlyn had been calling you for the third time. You were so zoned out that you missed the first two calls. Friends and family knew not to contact you during press conferences, so you automatically assumed the worst. You quickly stood up and began heading to the nearest exit until a microphone was in your face. You hadn't realized there was a final call for questions, and your standing up made them believe you had one more. "Oh, sorry, I have nothing to ask. I have to take an important call," you apologized for the confusion.

"You hadn't looked up once since the drivers walked in. Can't wait to see what was so important," someone roared, causing the room to erupt in laughter. The words stopped you in your tracks. You looked around the room and found the person who made the statement. There were so many things you wanted to say but chose against giving them a reaction.

You just shook your head and turned to walk away, not before catching the puzzled looks of Charles and Carlos

You called Ashlyn back, worried something was wrong back home. “Are you alright? You’ve been behind on your work, and that’s not like you,” Ashlyn said after the first ring. Of course, she noticed, you thought. You explained the situation to her, and she did nothing but listen. Hours had passed in your mind, but your phone only showed two minutes on the call. "It will get better with time," Ashlyn tried reassuring you. "I am thinking so, too. Thank you for letting me vent again. I owe you. Tell everyone I love them. You too, of course. Bye."

"Wait, before you hang up, let me say one more thing," Ashlyn said quickly before you could end the call. You had a feeling where this conversation would be going.

"Yeah, go ahead," you said sheepishly.

"I only want what's best for you. Have you thought about taking a break or leaving? We miss you back home. May be right now, you're not cut out for this. I think this life is taking a toll on you. I see it, and strangers online notice the treatment. I love -"

You hastily cut Ashlyn off before she could finish. "Take a break? Not cut out for this? Do you know how hard I worked for this? If you truly knew what was best for me, you wouldn't try me talk me out of what I am doing. I can't believe you right now."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. I'm sorry; please hear me out," Ashlyn pleaded on the other end.

"Oh no, I heard you- loud and clear at that. There's no need to apologize. I listened to how you felt, so now it's your turn." You said it in the coldest tone. A voice that was unrecognizable to Ashlyn.

"I put in twice the work than anyone in that room with me. It's easy to ignore when it's strangers online or people who, from day one, have a vendetta against you. I will not allow you or anyone else to discredit my craft. But from you, I would have never thought. Have a nice life, Ashlyn. Goodbye," were the final words you said to your once best friend before the call ended. You didn't even give her time to backpedal.

You were indeed on your own. Not only did those in the media room not believe in you, but you now knew your best friend didn't either. It was as if things kept falling as the hours went by.

It took you some time to collect yourself after that call. "Did I lose my best friend?" ran through your mind as you headed back to your seat. You were grateful everyone was heading out to the media pits to get a sport before post-qualifying interviews began. You had about 10 minutes of quiet, something you desperately needed.

At that moment, you finally decided it was time to check Twitter. To finally see the aftermath of yesterday. Nothing in your mentions honestly shocked you; people love drama at the expense of others' feelings. Of course, you gained many followers, some verified news personalities who previously would never give you the time of day. You opted to check your direct messages, something you rarely did, to see if people came out of the woodwork trying to talk to you. To the surprise of no one, there had been. It reminded you it was time to do the following cleanse once things calmed down. There was one name that stuck out to you: Lewis Hamilton.

"What the hell? We both have to be following each other for you to send me a direct message," you mumbled to yourself when you opened the message. You had to make sure it was him, so you clicked on the account. It was Lewis, with his profile saying Follows you. Your head started spinning when you looked at the message. He wrote, "I know this is unexpected, but I felt the need to reach out. I've seen the video and noticed your treatment in the media. I want to check in when you have a moment. Take care of yourself, okay?"

You couldn't believe what you read. Was Lewis making time to speak with me? Was the busiest man on the Paddock is checking in on me? But it wasn't just that direct message from Lewis Hamilton; it was someone finally asking, "how were you doing?" Everyone knew how kind of person Lewis was. His constant messages of reassurance and hope he gave others shouldn't shock you, but "why me?" is all you could think of. You were typing a reply before seeing the time. You had about less than five minutes before the pit interviews started.

You stood in the media pits going through the motions. Every driver that passed meant one step closer to leaving this Paddock. You were trying your hardest to look interested and engaged, but you didn't even have the energy to ask a single question. That all changed when the final driver arrived, Lewis. He knew of yesterday's ordeal, and his tone of answering questions made everyone painfully aware.

Listening to them stumble over their questions to not rock the boat brought you a little enjoyment. Even for a few minutes, they got to experience the pressure you had been battling for months. You let out a light chuckle that no one seemed to notice.

The questioning went quickly, per usual, but this time it was different. You could tell others had questions, but the guilt ate at them. Lewis' team PR person looked around the circle and asked for final questions.

“I have a question,” Lewis said. His words caused stunned looks from his PR person and media members; it was out of the ordinary. Lewis said your name, making everyone turn to face you immediately. Your heart rate rose when Lewis said, “What are you back there smirking about? Did I say something funny?” in a joking voice while raising an eyebrow.

Attention being drawn your way caught you off guard and you couldn’t think of a verbal response. So you tilted your head a bit and gave Lewis that look that people like you two universally understood. Your face reads, “You know these people are uncomfortable, right?” You watched Lewis quickly nod, “yes.” He was aware of what he had been doing the whole time.

“I’m just joking. I hope you’re well,” Lewis said in a now calm voice. The tension in the air eased for everyone else, but that fog formed again for you. “I am, Lewis. Thank you for asking again.” A glimmer in Lewis’ eyes and a slight smirk appeared after you said, “again.” Your response reassured him you had seen his direct message. “You take care of yourself, okay.” Unlike the direct message, Lewis wasn’t asking a question but telling you. His tone was that of someone who cared and would be on the lookout for you. You looked him in the eyes, nodded your head hesitantly, then watched as he walked away. You knew he didn’t believe you, and he was right.

Once he was out of view, you headed back to the media center. A nagging feeling you couldn't shake told you to turn around, and when you did, it was to everyone watching you, murmuring something you couldn't make out. You tried replaying the last few minutes, wondering what you said that could be spun. “Damn it,” you said to yourself, realizing where you made a terrible mistake.

You were about to open the door to the media center but couldn’t face them yet. You could only pray you were overthinking the situation and it would disappear. So you decided against entering and took a walk around the track, something you hadn’t done at previous races. Miami Grand Prix was beautiful, as you saw the sun beaming on the fake marinas. You had missed that electric feeling of what being a fan brought. Not having to hold back your emotions during races because you could look biased. At this moment, you wished you could skip covering the rest of the race weekend to live in the moment, but you couldn't. Or so you thought it was.

The longer you walked, the more your nerves mellowed. You would typically share your adventures with your followers via live videos, but you were trying to stay off social media. You were not feeling conflicted. Continue to avoid social media, neglect the interactions I built over the years, or suck it up and go live. The latter felt right because your audience didn’t deserve to be forgotten because of the actions of others. So you sent out a quick tweet: “Want to walk the Miami track with me? IG live in less than 2 minutes!” purposely leaving out your handle name.

You did little talking on the live besides occasionally answering where you currently were on track. To your surprise, the comments were all going well, and you believed no one had noticed your mistake. The sun was setting, and you left your sunglasses, which became your sign to end your live. You were about to do a sign-off when you heard two voices excitedly calling your name. You turned around and greeted the two girls dressed in Mercedes hats and shirts. You did not know how to react because this was your first time being recognized. One girl showed you her phone; they were watching your live video. The interaction brought you a joy you couldn’t explain.

“Aww, this is a first. Do you guys want to say hi to people watching?” The two girls quickly waved and dropped their social media handles, which you had no problem with. Of course, the handles were creative names that incorporated Mercedes or Lewis.

“I'm not beating these Mercedes allegations” ran through your mind but you didn't care in that moment. Two strangers being happy to meet you brought you so much joy. The girls asked for a photo, another first for you. Without hesitation, you agreed, placing your phone down and taking a few selfies. They were satisfied with the pictures and were about to walk away when one girl said, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” you nervously agreed, praying she wouldn’t ask what you were trying to avoid. “What did you mean about ‘again’ when Lewis asked if you were doing okay?” Your heart rate rose because of what you didn't want her to ask. She did. “It was nothing. Just check in on others, that’s all,” you stammered out, hoping it would be enough to please the question. The two girls could sense your discomfort and said, “I understand. I guess the internet was reaching. Thank you again; it was a pleasure to meet you. Take care of yourself,” the girl said as they both walked away.

You tried collecting yourself before remembering you were still live. You picked up your phone and said, “Sorry about that. I hope you guys enjoyed seeing the track. Until next time.” Before exiting the live, a comment caught your eye, “I was waiting for someone to ask about her saying again!"

All you wanted was a hot shower and to sleep; grabbing your belongings from the media room was the only thing stopping you. You didn’t have the energy to be bothered by anyone in the room. As you entered, no one seemed to notice you, so you could begin packing up without problems. It felt almost too good to be true… and it was. A woman who has never spoken to you tapped you on the shoulder. So you put on a fake smile and asked the woman, “Can I help you with anything?” The woman had a devious look.

“Can we sit down for a minute? I want to talk with you.” You nervously sat down with the woman, expecting some juvenile prank to happen. “First, how are you?” the woman asked, causing you to panic immediately. Something was up, but something told you to play along. “I am okay. Do you need anything from me? I am trying to head back to my hotel.” “I was just trying to get to know you and-”

“Bullshit, I’ve been here for months, and no one has attempted that. I’ll ask you one more time, what do you need?” You hastily cut the woman off.

“Okay, few around here were wondering if you and Lewis had a thing. When we, I mean they, watched your interaction earlier and were curious. Especially with your response. I am sure you don’t and would love to put an end to it all. Everything is off of the record, by the way. Just between us two.”

“Are you serious right now? Did you hear yourself? There’s no record.” You now spoke loudly for the whole room to hear. The woman was now shushing you to lower your voice but to no avail.

“I don’t appreciate you all trying to spin stories on me. Like everyone in this room, I have a job to do. There’s nothing for me to put an end to because there’s nothing there. I thought I left high school close to a decade ago.” You wanted to say much more but couldn't get the word out. You grabbed your bags and headed for the nearest exit. As you walked towards the gate, you knew a story would be written and had to get ahead.

You found a seat and began typing up what happened in your notes, fighting back the tears.

“Let me get ahead of this before things spin. A few minutes ago, I planned on leaving the media center to head back to my hotel. A fellow reporter wanted to ask me a question. I knew something was up but hoped to be proven otherwise. This woman was polite at first until she felt the need to say everything I said would be off the record, but there was no record. The woman asked if I had some personal relationship in the Paddock, which isn’t true at all. Someone finally treated me like a human, and the reporters assumed something was up. They are trying to create more false narratives. I know I’ll type all of this; still, people will believe what they want, and I have to accept that. Treating people with kindness is all I ask.”

“I am aware of the games being played. I am here to do a job and want the same respect I give everyone else, but I don’t believe I’ll ever see it,” you tweeted with screenshots of what you just typed. You debated on turning off the replies but left them on. You had nothing to hide and wanted to let people show their true colors.

“Whatever happens, happens,” you told yourself.

It was close to one in the morning, but you couldn’t stop scrolling through your mentions. Your image was being tarnished hour by hour. So you locked your phone and relived the last few days in your head. You wanted to blame someone, but you didn't know who. "Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I had followed the norm. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had kept my mouth shut on day one. What if Lewis never spoke to me?" “Lewis,” you remembered you never responded to any of his messages. You grabbed your phone off the nightstand and went to your direct messages. He had sent a second message just minutes ago.

You typed and deleted so many responses because nothing felt right. You didn’t want to appear emotional or fragile, telling Lewis how much his words meant. You didn’t want to make him feel guilty for being his genuine self. Yes, he’s human, but he’s still a highly profiled figure in F1, a sport you loved. He raced in the morning; the last thing you wanted was for Lewis Hamilton to be worried while driving 220KPH.

You debated not responding as you’ve done to so many others, but he deserved a response this time.

“No, I should thank you. I cannot convey how much I appreciate you for asking. It means more than you’ll ever know right now. I realize I cannot control how people try to spin an encounter. Whatever happens, happens. Please don’t worry about me, Lewis. Have a nice night ... well, morning. Also, don’t you have a race to prepare for tomorrow afternoon?"

You knew Lewis meant well, but it did not prepare you for what was coming your way.

// parts

author's notes: have to proofread this again. sorry i took forever, forgive me!

word count: 3.7K

#lewis hamilton x black reader #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton fanfiction #fanfic #lewis hamilton imagines #lewis hamilton fanfictions #fanfics #imagine by writinginfinte

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beautifulhigh · 1 year

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I'm so excited for tk's reaction for hurt carlos more than anything else tbh. I honestly feel like TK's character wasn't given the chance to show the depth of his feelings for carlos except for the proposal and I really hope with this carlos got hurt we will be able to see that. Can't wait for season 4

I want to take this ask in the spirit I would like it to have been intended and share in your excitement. I think it's about time that TK was the one stressing over possibly losing the man he loves.

But I am Fandom Old and a former English teacher and the statement made about TK not showing the depth of his feelings for Carlos gives me a chance to break out my meta skills, whether you wanted me to or not.

Season One TK has what some deem an overreaction to the dinner but that's because he's scared. He's had a "nuclear bad" breakup, he isn't ready for anything serious, and there's this guy who is basically offering him everything that the TK from the beginning of 1x01 wanted. A guy who wants to spend time with him, make him dinner, is genuinely interested in him. If TK wasn't emotionally invested why would he be so mad? It would have been an "oops" kind of moment. Anger is a strong emotion and a lot of TK's strong emotions are expressed in anger in season one.

He tells Carlos about his addiction before he tells the 126. The guy he's hooking up with, who he walked out on because Carlos dared to do something nice for him. Lays out everything: the break up, the relapse, all of it. The men and woman that he works alongside every day, the people he trusts his life to? They know nothing until 1x10. But Carlos knew. TK didn't have to tell Carlos but he did. Why would he do that if Carlos wasn't important to TK, if he wasn't someone that TK could trust?

But slowly our feral cat is tamed, and he lets Carlos in. They have the date when they take Paul out and they have the conversation in the juice bar where TK is honest with Carlos about how he feels. He refers to Carlos as his boyfriend - kinda - before he's even discussed that label with Carlos. He takes those steps because he's very much caught the feels and he's letting himself feel them.

Season Two So now we are in full on relationship territory, and he is spending a lot of time at Carlos' place. When Tim is killed and Owen says to "go home", he goes to Carlos. When he is stressing over upsetting Nancy he talks to Carlos. When he's worried about the honeymoon period for his parents, he talks to Carlos. He gets so upset when Carlos doesn't introduces him to his parents as his boyfriend but he realises what this means to Carlos and agrees to wait. They are talking, they are finding middle ground, we see TK turn to Carlos over and over for care and support and a needed kick up the backside when it comes to the divide between Fire and Medical. Love is being there for someone, and it's also telling them to get over themselves.

And then, he does something his dad mentioned right in the pilot, he moves in with his boyfriend. This is the logical next step, not an engagement ring. TK is with this man, they love each other, they're moving in together.

They fight, TK comes home, they make up, make out, and in the fire that threatens them he is calm and focused and helps save both their lives. He reads Carlos like a book and knows he's not OK, reassuring his boyfriend that they're OK. Throughout the whole season Carlos is included in the 126 hangs and we see a few beats where TK is bridging the gap between his work family and his boyfriend - most notably in 2x14 when they're relaying the story of what happened with Mateo's new captain and TK drops in the little beats and explanations he'd need as someone who wasn't there. (I love this moment so much: as viewers we don't recognise the gaps in the retelling as we saw the scene play out, but Carlos wasn't there and TK makes sure that he gets the full picture.)

Seasion Three And then TK blows it all up. Because Carlos buys them a fucking home and TK has got everything he's always wanted and the future he's scared of messing up and he bolts. Because this is the kind of forever love that he never thought he would have, never get to keep. He's completely, terrifyingly, absolutely in love and it scares him because that kind of love is scary.

But when he comes home, he is home. He gets up and stays with Carlos while he's reviewing all the video files (even if he falls asleep). He celebrates his boyfriend solving a kidnapping and reassures him that he's not to blame for a man's death (while making him one of the many meals he apparently eats in a day).

He talks about his meetings, his sponsor, his progress with his sobriety and his feelings about it. He opens up about why he needs people in his life like Cooper and his meetings, while making it clear that Carlos has all of him, that there is nothing he is holding back. TK is all in, every last broken bit of him. But he makes it clear that Carlos can't help those parts of him. He will come home to Carlos.

He still talks to Carlos after the call in which the kid loses his mom and shares his raw and breaking grief with his boyfriend, knowing that he will be taken care of that evening. That he is safe with him.

He recognises that Carlos hates the lizard but loves him enough to deal with it, so he puts Carlos first and Lou is released into the wild.

Then he proposes.

If you think that the proposal is the only moment where TK shows Carlos how much he loves him then you've not being paying attention to all of the other ways that TK has shown Carlos, over and over and over and over, how much he loves him and how much he means to him. Every time TK let Carlos in, every time TK shared himself with Carlos? He was showing him - and us - how much he loves this man.

#jen answers stuff #anonymous #overthinking jen is overthinking #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #911 lone star #911ls #tarlos meta #TK's love language is acts of service #he SHOWS his love in so many ways

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ginervacade · 6 months

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Out 🎵

I LOVE that y’all picked the Alex ones first!!

So double plot here.

We open to Alex pacing nervously around the garage.

“ Lexie, breathe.”

“ I’m fine Reggie.”

Julie walks in and just freezes. “ What’s wrong?”

Luke kind of elbows Alex and he stumbles forward. “ Um Jules- I um,” he looks to the boys who both shoot him reassuring smiles.

“ You got this!” Reggie loud whispers.

“ I need to tell you something. I care about you so I think it’s important that you know and you don’t seem like the kind of person who’s gonna be weird about it so I just wanted to tell you and I’m rambling now and ok-“

“ Alex I love you, whatever it is won’t change that.”

He visibly relaxes a little bit, “ I love you too, that why I’m telling you. Ok here goes nothing- I’m gay.” He visibly cringes waiting for her reaction.

“ Congratulations Alex!! Thank you for trusting me with that.”

“ Oh thank goodness,” his shoulders slump and he sighs dramatically.

“ Can I hug you?”

“ Yes please,” Alex just melts into her arms and then the boys jump into it and it’s adorable and then Julie says “ So Reggie’s been telling me you have a ghost friend- is he your ghost boyfriend?” She’s teasing him slightly but he gets adorably flustered.

“ No! I mean- I don’t know. I mean I’m not gonna tell you I don’t want him to be- I just. Shut uuuup.”

We casually find out that Luke and Alex dated for a couple months when they were younger.

Plot number two. It’s established in the end of the first episode that they all know something’s off about Nick. Willie comes to warn them that Caleb hasn’t been around in a while but he’d seen “ That one kid from Julie’s school that Luke can’t stand” hanging around near the club. ( They also meet Julie who decides she loves them and that “ You should definitely keep him Lex!”)

They put two and two together. And start to form a plan to save Nick/ get Caleb out of him.

The main song is just in a practice Jam session with the band in the garage. Flynn and Carlos are also out there laughing along.

“ Let it out get it out, come on out sing it loud. Be the best of you. Running wild and free, it’s a brand new day. Come on Dance with me! Sing it out!”

The episode ends on a flashback

October 7th, 1995

We see a pair of black stage shoes walk to the center of a stage to thunderous applause, we a backpack thrown over the shoulder of a dark haired girl who’s clearly still in her costume ( Wendy in Peter Pan)

She gets into a car where he parents simply say.

“ You were cute up there.” She mumbles a thank you and that’s all they say. They’re driving in the dark and heavy rain when a suddenly theres headlights careening toward them and a loud horn. Cut to the parents standing outside the car distraught. The camera is upside down and we see a firefighter crawl in from the front of the totaled car. “ Hang on for me sweetheart, we’re gonna get you out of there.”

Credits

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #willie jatp #reggie peters #flynn jatp #luke patterson #julie molina #carlos molina #Nick danforth-Evans #nick jatp #caleb covington #Chrissy Mercer #warning: mentions of car accident #coming out #jatp season 2 #Julie and Alex are besties #I love that y’all picked the Alex ones first #wendy darling #peter pan

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minalblood · 1 year

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I figured if Meg, Drake and Nida are streaming an episode,ni may as well be in line and continue my rewatch so here we gooo, ep 5!

Akridaaa here yaay! I love those fuckers! And a lot about the Akrida this episode since we're finally getting to seeing them full on.

God, Dean speaking about pain and letting it out so it doesn't fuck you up hurts. And of course it's highly relevant to this ep, Mary of course once more being the Dean mirror.

Ok lets begin, cuz I've thoughts. We'll do this one chronological aka as the ep goes.

1stly this is the episode when I literally went "oh there you were, u fucker" cuz this episode is the one when John acts most like the version we're used to from spn. Interesting thing, when John's talking to Millie at the beginning of the episode and she asks him.how he is but in a way that he can easily let rest there and he is so in his head about what happened last ep that he preemptively reassure her he isn't affected by the Vietnam trauma which ofc means it is at the front of his mind. Also about that scene, Millie saying she wanted to take a pry bar to the motorcycle heavily echoes Dean taking a crowbar to Baby after John's death. I have many thoughts about Millie saying Mary is good for John like Betty was. Like what does she mean? Why does John need someone to keep him in check tho, because thats the implication there for me, we'll circle back to this cuz my opinion kind changes as the ep goes on.

Ada off the bat is the focus here.She ignored Carlos' mention about the demon after the last time when she was almost sadistically plucking leaves off. She wasn't really listening to the case detail as Mary was listing them. She didn't even really get involved in the discussion except to say they need to work this case and oooof it hurts to see because we ofc now know why shes acting as distracted and worried as she is.

Lata took Ada knowing her djinn lore as a ... birds of a feather thing aka Ada being interesting in the lore as she herself is and is so pleased about it. I wonder what she thought about it after finding out about Tony and Ali.

God Tony's entrence is pretty fucking great tho, jeesus. I also love that we start it off on the usual set up for monsters that spn perfected aka the monster of the week doesnt show their face til late in the episode cuz theyre the threat, the danger, the thing we're not supposed to relate to or get close to whereas the victim and the brothers (in spn) are introduced to us with full shot of their face because we're meant to care about them, to associate them immediately with a person and be invested in them, be close to them. So Tony being shot as just his legs as he runs until the moment he sees Ada is absolutely gorgeous to me. It goes from this distant, dangerous thing to someone important to one of our main charaters in the span of seconds. In seconds he becomes someone we're emotionally invested in (even if just curiosity about why Ada has her reaction) only to then really hit home once she says who he is, her son.

I also love that Lata's question about Ada being a djinn is said completely without judgement, just Lata trying to recontextualize what she know about Ada to herself, including the earlier knowledge about djinn lore. And this non judgemental attitude is relfected by Carlos and Mary as well. They're curious, confused, shocked, but not hostile to Ada. They just want to understand. But John is a dif creature here. From the moment Ada memtions who Tony is, John is pissed. He's absolutely furious throughout Ada's story, completely cruel in his reaction and absolutely oblivious about how he comes across for all of it, or willfully ignorant if I'm not feeling charitable. And this after he was a dick to Mary earlier about the motorcycle, but that by contrasr was just a foot in mouth thing That, while yes, dickish, wasnt harmful ultimately. And in both he had no clue how he came across. In the 1st scene, Mary let him know, in the second, because it was so striking that Mary Carlos and Lata chose instead to remove him from Ada's presence as quickly as possible without any chastisement because they knew Ada safety was more important than John being made aware of his behaviour (be it even just the emotional side here, since I don't think they would ever think hed do anything really). And it's this scene that makes it clear beyond any reasonable doubt to me, thay yea, this is def John Winchester and he is just a few degrees off of spn!john and could easily become him.

But the other interesting part here is that it's him having this reaction, the newbie here, the one who's joined this fight without any personal stake really. Like Henry doesn't count since the trauma of losing Henry is an old one that is wrapped more in Henry's abandonment than the actual supernatural world, whereas everybody else has lost people they loved as a direct result of monsters. But they're still empathetic to Ada and understand her choice so much easier than John who just doesn't get it or even try. Because he's already written monsters off as the Enemy thus the evil to his good.Like I said about the previous episode, John views it all in stark Black and White colors.

And now we have the Millie/Ada/John/Dean parallel. Aka the parent afraid of/for their child to the point they end up hurting them. Now importantly, Millie is parallel more clearly with John as parent here, specifically his controlling behaviour towards his kids, Dean most of all Id say and using that fear/worry as an excuse for his shitty behaviour. While Ada is both Dean and John. Leaning more toward Dean, who ultimately did realise that the behaviour was wrong and tried to fix things in much the same way Ada gives Tony the choice to help, to reestablish connection, Dean extends the same to Jack. John never fully does this, he dies still balancing between saving his son vs killing him. And then there is the treating your child based off of seeing him as another person. This one is big too, because Millie and Ada treated their sons as tho punishing them for their fathers, but important distinction, Ada tried not to allow her fear to taint Tony, it was him walking into her nightmare that led to their break. Millie does treat John like this, deliberately. She constantly compares John to Henry and we have to assume this is a behaviour that's been present during John's childhood too because of how prevalent it is.

So we already have all the daddy issues before the main emotional break of the episode is even introduced. And it all paves the way for the John/Samuel parallel's and as such the Dean/Mary parallels once we enter Mary's mind.

And it's important too that it's John talking to Mary that cools John down and it's the comparison to themselves that has him actually willing to relate to Ada's experience.

God I still hate the Saint Miguel reference, especially after the previous episode.

Another important thing about Ada/Dean is they both acknowledge their failings and then choose to do better, whereas Millie is a bit of an inbetween, she's changing as I've said, but is just figuring it out still, she's not really there yet, but she's asking about how to do it which is very important. It means she's willing to put in the work to do better. I also love that Ada immediately believes Tony but so does Carlos, even without the evidence.

Small thing I appreciated about the talk the gang has about the Akrida is Carlos picking up the file and clearly trying to put stuff together themselves.

I love everyone but John's reactions to Ada. So so much. I also love the following your heart advice Ada gives Mary, it reminds me of Mildred (my beloved) giving the same advice to Dean.

God Carlos' lies are awful, how have they been a hunter so long ans still.are this shit at lying. I love them.

I adore the Akrida design as well, i fucking love those bugs soo much.

Aaaand Mary got stung. And Carlos making a joke to difuse the worry is soo soo good and his advice to Ada to just tell Tony the truth is brilliant. As is Ada's talk to him. I LOVE her making sure she refers to Tony as his own person rather than who he is in relation to her, it's her ackowledging his personahood and also her not pushing him and making it clear she knows he likely will still leave and wont force him.to stay, it is such such good communication.

John being signled out makes perfect sense to me here tbh, bacuse outta everyone there, John has been the one to push Mary even when she's been at her most stubborn, he's the one whose been challenging her since they met as she does him. They know Mary can just tune them.out because she's done it before (in this show even) but John has always broken through to her.

John saying you cant fight ur trauma but you can face it, is chef's kiss after last ep. It shows he has been thinking, has been trying to do better even if it's not shown to us. To some degree he knows what he needs to do. I dont even mind thay he's a bit too harsh initially in trying to convince Mary to face her worst memory, bacause it is a time crunch, there's time to process it properly after, once Mary is alive to do it. And he give her the space and understanding she needs once she's going through it, he doesnt make it about himself. So we have not just Mary afecting him like Millie says in the beginning, but he afects her too. This is why they can work together.

But goood I hate the Campbell's just as much as I hate spn!John. For the same reasons, and I still think they were better parents then John, bacause Mary at least had more stability than Dean and Sam did, because she had a stable home. But yea, Mary's tragedy in spn is def partly the fact that her kids had to live what she did, and she has no idea just how similar it was, not really.

John giving Mary the reassurence that shes right to want to leave once shes done hunting is also very very good.

And I gotta say I love the bonding between Ada and Tony at the end, open ended but full of potential and i love lata and tony so so much! And also also, carlos once more pulling that vital vital background work to finally find out about Roxy.

This episode is so chock-full of intergenerational trauma (not that thats surprising, but rather the way it gets highlighted here). There is so so much to talk about and I can't even get all of it out but yeah, heres ep 5. Do i have more thoughts about it? Always. But so far here we leave it

#spn #dean winchester #spnwin #the winchesters #john winchester #mary campbell #lata dar #carlos cervantez #ada monroe #millie winchester #spnwin 1x05 #spnwin rewatch

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justapoet · 3 years

Text

i’ll hold you close in my arms

Carlos couldn’t say it was a bad day when TK was back in his arms.

Or the aftermath the the hostage, when TK’s at the hospital (again).

1.3k

There are those moments as a kid that you decide you'll try to break some scientific laws. Trying to fly or to jump higher than anyone, or even trying to move objects with the power of your mind as if you could turn into a real-life Yoda. There are also those moments where you're swimming and want to try to breathe underwater, just so you can pretend you're a mermaid or merman.

So, you hold your breath, because you know the feeling of water in your nose and the headache it causes, and your brain forbids you to take a breath as a security source. Then, when you can't hold your breath anymore, you take your head out of the water and take a breath.

The feeling that goes in your body with the air is the relief to breathe again.

That's exactly how Carlos felt the moment he and Owen got to Captain Vega's team and Owen shot the man already covered in blood. He watched as the man fell and Tommy tried to process the last fifteen seconds until his eyes found their way to the dizzy and confused body beside a table, trying to keep itself up and not just crumble to the ground.

Carlos felt his heart aching at the same time his lungs could normally function again as he ran to where TK was, calling for him and watching as his confused self processed the situation and who he was.

"Hi, babe! Hi, hi, babe..." he heard TK's voice, holding him up for a second until his body gave into the chair behind him, and Carlos just could want to cry and hold him forever. He put his hand on TK's neck, letting his boyfriend hold to him as strong as he felt it was necessary ― if being honest, Carlos could hold him even tighter if he wasn't afraid of hurting the already injured paramedic.

"It's okay, I've got you" the cop whispered against TK's ear, and he heard as TK let out a sound similar to a cry. "You're alright, you're fine, okay? You're safe" he said again, not knowing if his words were to make his boyfriend relax or to reassure himself.

"You found us, oh, God," TK said, his voice cracking a little bit. "Thank you, thank you" he whispered, and Carlos just held him tighter, watching over TK's shoulder as Owen would help Nancy and Tommy, talking on the phone to someone he supposed was a 911 dispatcher.

"Easy, Tiger," Carlos said. "And I'll always find you, love".

"I can almost hear your thoughts," Carlos heard TK say from the hospital bed, and he blinked a few times to the realization he'd been off for a while. "A penny for them?"

They were alone in the hospital room, after hours. The whole 126 crew came in to check on him and joke about how he always managed to be in danger, and then Owen and Gwyn started a silent competition over who would take more care of their son while he was there. Their interaction was friendly, and that seemed to be a relief to TK, even if Carlos knew his boyfriend mostly wanted them to stop talking.

Carlos was there the whole time, sitting a little bit far from the bed, silently analyzing everything and getting lost in his head now and then. His movements were almost ghostly, although, every time his eyes and TK's crossed, he'd smile lovely.

After everyone was gone, Carlos got lost again, and TK took his time to watch that man in front of him. Until his curiosity and worry were bigger than the silence in the room.

Carlos smiled softly looking at his boyfriend's sleepy face, and then he frowned again seeing the bandages in his head. He'd done that a couple of times, now, and TK knew he was spiraling on possibilities of what could've happened.

"Babe, hey" TK called. "Come here, uh?" he stretched his arm, offering his hand and smiling softly when the warmth of Carlos' skin involved his hand. "Won't you tell me what you're thinking about?" he asked quietly, and Carlos smiled little before sitting on the bed beside TK's hips.

"My dad knows," he said, looking at their entangled hands. "About you not being my friend or personal shopper" he chuckled, and TK smiled briefly, but frowned.

"Did you tell him...?"

"No" he shook his head. "He said he already knew, since the Farmer's market. I should've known, honestly. He's a Texas Ranger after all" Carlos shrugged. "And if he didn't know then, he'd have guessed after today anyway. I wasn't really subtle about how you mean the world to me" his smile was shy, after these words, and TK mirrored it, caressing his thumb over Carlos' skin.

"Are you okay with it?" the green-eyed man asked, and Carlos nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I mean, he didn't really say anything about it at all, you know? He only stated that you're my boyfriend and... Yeah, that's it" he sighed. "I don't really know what I was expecting from them".

"That's why any reaction from them would make you overthink it anyway," TK said. "You're not used to them talking about it, so when they do..."

"It's weird" Carlos finished, and they stood in silence for a while. Not even a minute and the cop got lost again, his eyes firmly staring at TK's hand in his and his grip getting a little bit tighter as if to make sure he was there.

"Babe...?" he asked, trailing off. Carlos sighed, his breath shaking and, TK noticed, his hand doing the same against his own.

"I was so scared," he said, his voice breaking mid-sentence. "I had this heavy feeling in my chest and I thought it was just because my day had been bad, and then you didn't answer any of my messages and- I-I just..." his voice was cut by a sob, and TK closed his eyes for a second before lifting his hand and reaching Carlos' cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Carlos" he whispered, and Carlos just broke off in tears, his body bending as if it was too heavy to carry all of his thoughts and feelings.

"I went to your father's house and" he took a deep breath, one of his shaking hands touching TK's one in his face. "you weren't there, your mom was worried and suddenly your father says you were missing. I thought..." he gulped a sob. "I don't know what- what I thought, I just..." he tried to make a sentence with sense, failing a few times before sighing and looking back at TK. "I'm so glad you're okay, Ty"

TK smiled sweetly, but he had tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I worried you," he said. "And I'm sorry for your bad day"

Carlos shook his head again.

"No, no. None of it is your fault" the cop said. "And just knowing you're fine and having you with me makes my day the best one" his tone was sweet and careful, even if silent tears still streamed down his face.

"I love you, you know that?" TK asked, pulling Carlos' face closer and making the man lean forward, one of his elbows beside TK's tired body and the other beside his head in an uncomfortable position, but that allowed him to touch his boyfriend's face and press his forehead against the paramedic's.

"I do" he answered, closing his eyes. "I love you, too. So much" his voice was quiet, filled with a love that was almost touchable around them. TK smiled, happily accepting the kind and soft kiss pressed to his lips.

If later a worried Gabriel Reyes appeared at the doorframe of TK's room, seeing how they managed to lie together in that hospital bed and then smiling to the sight of pure happiness his son had found, then no one needs to ― or will ― know about it.

#tarlos fic #tarlos #911 lone star fic #911 lone star #2.08 #carlos reyes x tk strand #tk x carlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #carlos x tk #paramedic tk #my fic #they're just two idiots #they're also in love #tk really need life insurance #no one asked but I couldn't help

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someone-worth-racing-for · 3 years

Text

When @welshie72 has commented this under my post from today (see above), I got so inspired that I just needed to write this down..

So, thank you @welshie72 for the unintended inspiration 😉🤗

Carlos had currently been telling Lando some story about his days in Spain during last week, when they drove around the corner to their hotel and the smile the younger one had gifted his former teammate the entire ride long suddenly faded away from his lips from one second to the other.

Even more, his whole face had paled, while Lando’s suddenly in panic widened eyes also weren’t focused on Carlos anymore. Not knowing what had happened and why Lando was suddenly feeling this way, the Spaniard asked carefully “Lando? Are you okay?”

He could see and even hear the younger one swallowing hard, his eyes still fixed on something outside the wind shield. Carlos finally followed his eyes, just to see the massive crowd of people right in front of their hotel. “Wow, there are a lot of people.” The Spaniard said more to himself than to his friend. It was really the first big crowd of fans since already over one year.

“Can we.. Isn’t there maybe another entrance to the hotel?” Lando finally said with a thin, shaking voice and then his friend finally understood. Lando was scared about those many people waiting there for him, the whole scene probably remembered him about the Wembley incident from a few weeks ago.

Carlos was aware about what that night had caused by the younger one. His already before always present fear of crowds like these only became worse since that incident. Lando had also told him, that he had nightmares since those happenings and Carlos himself had experienced it first hand the way Lando shrugged together, whenever someone touched him without him noticing the person being that close to him before.

The Spaniard hated it to see his friend all frightened, insecure and angsty like that. Already now all shaking and sweating next to him. His face looked dangerously pale and his eyes also already began to glisten in fear and panic.

Quickly, because he could never deal to see his friend like that, not even mention the big weak spot Carlos had for his former teammate, he reached out to take his cold hands into his and gave them a soft, reassuring squeeze, before he whispered “Lando, hey. It’s okay. Don’t worry, yeah. We will get through this together.”

Lando really tried to return the so well-meant smile of the older one, but he failed pitifully, his smile looked still more tortured than relieved in the end, why Carlos finally really asked the taxi driver if there was another possibility to get into the hotel. To Carlos, but especially to Lando’s horror, the man only shook his head. There was no other way, they had to get through the crowd.

“Carlos.” His friend cried out, holding his hands even tighter, while the panic already seemed to take the upper hand over him. The Spaniard tried to shush him, to calm down his tensed nerves, before he promised “You don’t have to get through this alone, cariño. I’m by your side and make sure no one will come too close to you, okay? You will see, we will be inside the hotel in less than one minute.”

Carlos almost regrated his promise, when the car finally stopped and they were instantly surrounded by hundreds of fans. But of course he will still keep his promise, he will do everything to get Lando inside the safety of the hotel as quickly as possible.

“You ready?” He finally asked back over his shoulder to a very frightened looking Lando, who had nothing with the Lando of just a few minutes ago in common. But still, the boy eventually nodded his head, even when Carlos knew at the same time, that he best wanted to stay inside the taxi forever.

“Alright. I will go first. Just keep on holding my hand.” Once again, Lando nodded his head, he did look relieved about the body contact and that Carlos will stay that close to him. Also the Spaniard gave him a little nod, before he finally opened the door and quickly climbed out of the car.

A very shaking and frightening looking Lando followed him instantly, never letting go off his hand during the process. All those people around them, them screaming their names, holding items into their direction and trying to get even closer to them, scared Lando to his bones, why he pressed himself all closely into his friend’s side.

Even over the noises of the crowd, he could hear Lando whimper in fear and he could also feel him shaking next to his side. Luckily, also some securities were instantly by their sides, trying to shield up as many fans as possible. Carlos squeezed Lando’s hand in support once again, while looking down at him and studying his nervous expression.

“C’mon then.” The Spaniard decided, because he wanted to bring his friend out of here as fast as possible, knowing that he couldn’t handle this for too long. Surrendered by the securities, Carlos made his way through the crowd, right into the direction of the entrance of their hotel.

So far so good, they had almost already made half of the way. Carlos was holding Lando’s hand all tightly, while the boy had his other hand wrapped around his arm as well, trying so to be as close as possible to him, so no one could take them apart.

The older one could already see the entrance of the hotel and for a brief moment he already felt relieved, when Lando right behind him suddenly began to scream from the volume of his lungs. With in concern widened eyes, Carlos instantly turned around and could only see how some fan was holding Lando back by his wrist.

Carlos was sure that the fan didn’t have any bad intentions, but still the body contact and the fact that the fan tried to hold him back, caused Lando to freak out. The fan instantly let go, when they noticed their idol’s reaction and panic, Carlos could even hear an apology, but that didn’t help Lando at all at the moment. The boy felt right back into that one night, right back into one of his biggest nightmares.

The moment his hand was free from the fan’s grip, the young Brit searched for protection in his former teammate’s arms, crashing into his embrace, literally pressing himself against his chest with wrapping his arms all tightly around his belly. His shoulders were already jumping because of those deep sobs escaping his lips, causing Carlos to realize that he really had to get the boy out from here. Right now.

“I have got you, Lando. Everything will be good. We are almost there.” The older one whispered reassuring into his curls, while he did manoeuvre themselves finally into the safety of the hotel. Carlos made sure that no one came too close to Lando again, shielding him completely, when he had pulled him even closer into his embrace, while whispering calming words into his hairline. He was carrying the boy in his arms, when he even ran the last distance.

The moment they stepped onto the marble floor of the lobby, the doors closed behind them and the noises of the crowd got quieter, Carlos whispered into his friend’s curls “It’s over, cariño. You are safe. No one can get too close to you any more.”

But still, Lando didn’t or maybe also couldn’t stop crying into the curve of his friend’s neck, holding all tightly onto him by the back of his shirt, not willing to let go anytime soon. One of those securities gave Carlos a questioning look, if everything was alright with the younger one in his arms or if he had maybe got hurt.

The Spaniard gave the man a quick nod, telling him so that he was alright and that he will take care of him. And oh, how Carlos will. And he also promised the younger one, when he whispered so into his hairline “It’s okay. I have got you. I will take care of you, cariño.”

The quickest way, Carlos hurried over to the elevators bringing them upstairs. He was cradling the still crying and shaking boy in his arms, while they waited for the elevator to finally stop on their floor. Luckily Carlos’ room wasn’t that far away, being then finally alone, after he had kicked the door of his hotel room close with his feet behind their backs.

All gently, he dropped Lando on top of his bed, joining him instantly to carefully pull the boy up his body, so he could rest against his chest. Carlos had lost his sense of time, since how long the two of them were already laying like that. Lando in his arms, still lightly shaking from the shock, but it had already become better.

After the older one had pulled the duvet over their bodies, also his friend’s heartbeat finally steadied and at some point even his sobs and tears stopped. But still Lando kept quiet. He seemed to enjoy the closeness with his former teammate and also the comforting warmth. He had even buried his face once even deeper into his friend’s shirt, while his lips had also left sounds of comfort and gratefulness.

And even though Lando was already feeling better again, Carlos didn’t let go off him. The contrary, actually. He probably won’t stop holding him for the rest of the evening, humming soft Spanish melodies into his curls and kissing his forehead in affection.

He was pretty sure that Lando was already on his way into the land of dreams, with hearing his soft, regular breaths and how relaxed his body felt against his own. But still, shortly before he did indeed fall asleep in his best friend’s arms, Lando whispered with his last strength “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry, cariño. I will always be there for you, whenever you need me.” Carlos breathed into his curls with a tender smile on his lips and only minutes later, also the Spaniard followed his friend into the land of dreams.

#carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz #lando norris #carlando #Carlando fanfiction #Fanfiction

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migilini · 3 years

Text

I Do - Charlie Gillespie

a/n: I watched to many seasons of married at first sight and this came to mind. Just pretend that Charlie in this GIF is wearing a suit. Kinda a part two to Fifth Time Workes A Charm

Requests are open btw! (not just for Charlie)

words: 3k

warnings: none just fluff and a lot of crying

MASTERLIST

---------------------------------------------

You barely slept during the night. You kept waking up what felt like every hour to check if it was time to get up. The bed felt awfully empty and you would give everything right now to be in his arms. Then finally, the clock strikes 9 am and you are up on your feet, the nerves getting the better of you. The hotel room was nice and clean, you didn't like it, it felt too white and too lifeless to you right now.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, glowing but tired eyes staring right back at you. Taking a deep breath you tried to shake the nerves with a silly little body shake, then you smiled at yourself before heading into the bathroom to wash your face.

A knock on the door interrupted you mid-splash and you went to the door with a dripping face. “We’ve arrived!” your best friend Elouise or Eli for short exclaimed and hieved her whole baggage onto your bed. “What do you mean we?” you leaned your head out of the room and into the empty hallway. Just as you were about to close the door, feet pounded on the carpeted floor. “Sorry, sorry! Had to finish the call with hair and makeup.” Tris, your other best friend screamed through the halls, as she frantically came running towards you, phone clutched in one hand while the other held two dresses that flattered behind her.

You looked at her in amusement "Need a glass of water?" You chuckled at her heavy breathing and closed the door behind you.

"Oh yes please"

"Y/N you're so not ready...well lucky for you we are here. So hop hop go shower ma lady." Eli shushed you into the bathroom "and scrub every inch! I'll check if I have to!” You still heard their laughter as you get rid of your clothes and step into the shower. The warm water relaxed your muscles and your nerves immediately.

Several minutes later, now smelling like a goddess and wrapped into a soft white towel, you sat on the bed in your now crowded hotel room. While you were showering your nerves away, your dress, the hairdresser and makeup artist arrived.

“There she is!” greeted the makeup artist “Come sit down, we’ve got everything out and you and I already discussed your look. Are we still okay with it?”

“Yes, Carlos. But make everything as cry proof as possible okay?” you said laughing slightly.

“I also brought you a coffee and a croissant. I know you don’t usually eat something in the mornings but we don’t want you to faint now do we?” Tris held a tablet in front of her with several cups of coffees and something to eat. You took a cup gratefully, shooting her a quick thanks, holding the cup as Carlos started on your face and Melissa, the hairdresser started drying and styling your hair.

“Can I have my phone back?” You said to no one in particular.

“Nope, sorry.”

“Emi! What--It’s my phone!”

“I do know that. And you should know that Tris and I know you very well and you would’ve called or more likely face timed him by now and put a bad omen over the whole day.”

“Yeah. You and Charlie can’t be away from each other for long.” Tris acknowledged and sided with Emi.

“You’re just jealous that I’m in love.” You shot back with a smile and stuck your tongue out at your friends which in return gave you a growl from Carlos and Melissa who needed you to sit still.

After what felt like an eternity you were done and now it was time for your bridesmaids to get ready. They purposefully taped a piece of cloth over all mirrors so could only see yourself when you were 100% finished with getting ready.

Now that you had some time to actually think about today, your mind started to wander. Was Charlie ready by now or were there some complications? Tris did get a call earlier to then just run out of the room and come back 20 minutes later. What suit would he wear? Was he just as nervous as you? Totally unaware of how much time you passed, you were ripped out of your thoughts with a forceful swat on your shoulder.

“Miss Bride? It’s time to get the dress on.” Tris squealed.

You took a look at your best friends who looked absolutely stunning, at some time they got changed into their dresses. Emi smiled at you with a glossed lipped smile, her brown hair up in a bun while little strands of glitter strings framed her face. She wore a turquoise halter dress with some nude heels. Tris wore a bit of a darker turquoise strapless dress, her colourful hair falling straight over her shoulder. Both had simple makeup, a nude smokey eye with eyeliner.

Your eyes started to tear up. “Guys...you look absolutely stunning.” Emi walked over to you and embraced you in a hug. “We look really fudhing good but you’re gonna look even better. Now hop hop get undressed we have to lace up the dress.”

While your friends were working on lacing your dress up, you wondered out loud. “How much do we wanna bet that Owen lost the rings?” You chuckled and then yelled, “That's way too tight!”

“Oh Owen is so gonna lose the rings but we'll be fine. You’re gonna have rings or I'll run and get you some new ones.” Tris reassured you with a smile.

“Can I finally look at myself? I want to see if I look like a bride.” Emi and Tris shared a quick look before agreeing. Emi ripped the cloth away from the closest mirror. An audible gasp was all that was heard, everybody fixated on your reaction to yourself.

“I look like a real ass bride. I- oh my god… I look so good.” You coaxed out, trying not to cry, this got all a bit real too fast.

And you really did look amazing. Your open hair fell over your shoulders and ended right underneath your boob. It had a lot of volume and little glitter braids in it and Melissa had curled them to perfection so they framed your face perfectly. Your makeup was stunning as well, the reddish-brown and glittery smokey eye complementing your skin tone and eye colour. Carlos finished the look with a pinkish nude lipstick. You were glowing.

The cream coloured dress sat perfectly on your figure, the A-line cut highlighting your waist, the flowery lace flowing from the corset top down to your feet. The dress was poofy but not too much. You looked more like Sofie from Mamma Mia and less like Cinderella. You adjusted the straps and smiled at yourself.

“And I’m telling you, Charlie will bawl his eyes out when he sees you.” Emi patted your back and finished lacing up your dress. Tris couldn't contain herself anymore and let out a little sob “I’m sorry. You just look so gorgeous. I can’t believe you're getting married.” You pulled her into a hug.

“We don't have that much time anymore. the photographer should be here in five minutes to take your bridal pictures and pictures with the bridesmaids.”

The photo session went by quickly and you could tell that they turned out amazingly, by the way, Paul, the photographer, smiled at his screen. Megan, Charlie's sister and your other Bridesmaid came in at the last minute, due to the fact that she just flew in in the morning.

Then it was time for the first look. At first, you weren't sure if you should do this or if it would be better if the first look would be at the ceremony itself. You thought it would be funny to send Tris to the first look instead of you. So you, Megan and Emi sat in the hotel room waiting patiently.

The door opened “You two are really made for each other.” Tris came back in with a huge smile on her face. “Why? What happened?” You asked, the nervousness in your voice was evident. “Was he mad?”. She started to laugh “No absolutely not because he had the same idea as you and sent Owen.”

The room erupted in laughter “Oh no he didn't!” “Of course he did”

The next couple of hours flew by so quickly. You got to the venue. Your parents came by to say hello to you and to shed some tears. They also told you that most of the guests have arrived and everybody is waiting excitedly.

Finally, it was time. You nervously cracked your fingers, as you waited for all the guests to take a seat, the closed door in front of you the only thing shielding you from your fiance, your dad standing beside you in a suit.

“Nervous?” he asked you with a slight smile, you could tell that he was trying hard not to cry.

“Very. But I’m telling you if he doesn't cry I'll turn around and we gotta try again.” you joked.

“Oh my dear...he will.” he quickly took a look at his watch and then linked his arm with yours.

“Ready?” you shot him a smile and nodded “As ready as I'll ever be.”

The outside speakers started to play the instrumental version of Cherry Wine by Hozier and the doors opened.

It was mid-May and you and Charlie decided on an Outside wedding. After searching for a great venue you finally found one. It was an old brick house with a small colonnade of bushes in the garden. It was absolutely perfect but you didn't even look at the decorations because as soon as your eyes met his, the world stood still.

He stood at the front of the colonnade where some candles burned beside him. He wore a forest green tuxedo and that dashing smile of his. The closer you got, the more you saw how much he was crying and all you wanted to do is hug him and wipe the tears away. Your cheeks hurt from all the smiling but you couldn't stop, some tears of your own spilling out of the corners of your eyes.

You kissed your dad on the cheek and let him sit down in the front row, your eyes only momentarily leaving Charlies. “Hi, handsome.” You smiled up at him and instinctively used your thumb to wipe away some tears. “Did you cut your hair?” you asked, nodding to his now chin-length hair (think October Charlie) He grabbed your hands in his and kissed your knuckles while slightly nodding his head “You look...just wow,” he whispered so that only you could hear. You just wanted to give him a compliment when the officiant interrupted you.

“Now it's getting serious.” you said while he said “No backing out.” with a wink.

“The couple standing in front of me met at the young age of 18 in the middle of the street. Y/N bumped into Charlie here and practically fell for him right there and then. She shot him a quick sorry and went her way but the universe knew that these two needed to be together so the next day he bumped into her, totally accidental of course.” the crowd laughed and you and Charlie beamed at each other. “Sadly for Y/N that day she carried an expensive Cake that flew to the other side of the pavement. Charlie felt so bad that he promptly invited her to the next bakery where they got a cup of coffee and a new cake. Today we’re gathered here today to celebrate that love.”

“I believe that the two of you wrote your own vows? Y/N would you like to start?” You nodded and turned around to take a piece of paper from Emi who stood behind you, already missing the warmth of his hands in yours.

“Charlie, you know I’m not very good with words so I really struggled to write this, but here we are standing in front of your family and friends to share our love. I knew I loved you…” your voice wavered and you let out a sob “sorry...I knew I loved you in the first week that we’ve met. We sat on a bench in the little park right around the corner from where we met. You were late and totally out of breath when you arrived. You apologized like crazy but I didn't care, you don't know this but I had a really shitty day that day and just seeing you made it all worth it. That smile of yours knocked me off my feet completely.

From that day on I only loved you more and more. I love the way you try to wake up every day with a smile. The way you always seem to have so much energy and that you try to share that energy and love with the whole world. I love waking up in your arms because they feel like home and I miss you like crazy when I don't see you for a day.

I never really believed in love at first sight before I met you and I’m so glad that you ruined my cake. I promise to try and make you smile at least twice a day, to listen and care for you, to dance with you in the kitchen while our pizza is in the oven. I also promise to try your questionable food combinations at least once every time.

I can’t promise you that we won't fight or that we won't have our ups and downs but I will promise that we’ll work it out, that we’re not going to bed with grudges, to talk about our problems and thoughts and to always make up. I promise to be your partner in crime and to take all the blame if we ever get caught and lastly, and most importantly...

I promise to love you more and more until my heart stops beating, even when the day comes that we're old and grey, I promise to always see you with the same eyes and the same heart that I see you with at this exact moment.” You took a deep breath to try and stop your sobbing. Now it was Charlie's turn to wipe away some tears.

“Baby, don’t cry your makeup will get ruined.” he joked and you let out a small laugh. “Charlie, I believe now it's your turn to speak your vow.”

He took a shaky breath in before taking a folded piece of paper from the inside of his tuxedo pocket. “I want to start off with a simple I love you. I love the way you still give me butterflies every time I see you. I love the way you care not only for me but for everyone around you. I love the way you're patient with me. I love how much you're willing to try new things with me to make me happy because you really didn't like swimming with sharks. I admire how hard you work to help others and above all, I love how you love me.

It's in the way you look at me with such patience and compassion, the way you listen to me even if I'm rambling on, the way you push me to try harder even when I feel like I've done enough. You love me without judgment and chose to see the beauty in my flaws. Today, I want to make promises to you that I will always keep. I promise to love you back forever and harder each day. I promise never to get angry at you for making honest mistakes, even if I asked you to turn the lights off every night for the past week...

I promise to never stop holding your hand or give you a goodbye kiss. I promise to walk through life, as your biggest fan, your shoulder to lean on, and your best friend and I vow to stay silly, to never take ourselves too seriously, and stay just immature enough for cake and breakfast for dinner.

You're my soldier, my lover and above all, my best friend and I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Both of you were grinning and crying like idiots. “Now can we have the rings please?” the officiant asked the crowd and a teary-eyed Owen stepped forward the rings clutched in his hands.

“Thank you.” the officiant gave each of you a ring. “Do you Y/N Y/L/ want to take this man as your husband in sickness and in health?”

“I do.” You smiled up at Charlie and slid the ring on his left ring finger. “Oh good it fits,” you murmured and made him chuckle.

“And do you Charlie Gillespie want to take this woman as your wife in sickness and in health?”

“I do.” He grinned widely and also slid the ring on your left hand.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. Charlie, you may kiss the bride.” Your lips locked with his and you couldn't be happier. Your hands found their way into his hair while his hands gripped your waist. His lips were soft and warm and you missed them dearly in the night the two of you were apart. The crowd cheered when he dipped you.

“I present to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Gillespie!”

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie fic #charlie gillespie fanfic #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie x oc #jatp fanfic #fanfic #julie and the phantoms

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morganaspendragonss · 3 years

Text

just know that i will be with you

@911lonestarangstweek day 1 - c is for...crutches, cry, care

title from moon by jonah kagen

follow on to the meetings for those in my wake

ao3 | 1.5k | recovery, hurt tk, supportive carlos, brain damage

Carlos chews on his lip as he parks the Camaro outside the 126, glancing nervously over at TK. It’s been six months since the attack that almost took him away from them, three since TK was discharged from the hospital, and the first time either of them have been here during that time. Carlos had wanted to wait even longer, but TK had insisted, and it’s always been hard to refuse him anything.

It’s even harder now; coming within a hair’s breadth of losing him has only made Carlos more willing to give TK anything he needs. Even if that includes bringing him to the place his life had, metaphorically and almost literally, ended.

“I called ahead to tell your dad that we were coming,” he says softly, keeping his tone low so as not to startle TK. “He says the team are looking forward to seeing you.”

TK smiles at that, a little lopsided, breaking his gaze from the window to look at Carlos. It’s clear how excited he is; though the team have been visiting frequently both while TK was still in hospital and since he was discharged, Carlos knows TK has missed being at work and hanging with them at the station. It’s been an adjustment for sure, and it was hard for TK to accept that he’d never be able to return to his old job again. They’d had many a conversation about it, most of them ending with TK getting angry, then breaking down in tears in Carlos’s arms, his emotions harder to control since the incident.

Hopefully, when TK’s more independent, he’ll be able to find something to do, but for now he’s mostly stuck at home, and it’s been wearing on them both. Carlos is glad to get out, even if this is the last place he wants to bring TK.

“You ready?” he asks, smiling as TK nods enthusiastically. He quickly jogs out of the car and runs to the other side before TK gets any ideas about trying to get out himself—yet another ‘conversation’ they’ve had too many times—and grabs TK’s crutches from the back seat. If Carlos had his way, TK would still be using the wheelchair regularly, but on some things, it’s better to admit defeat than to push.

That doesn’t stop him from packing it in the trunk at all times, just in case.

TK scowls at the crutches but accepts them without complaint, slowly levering himself upright with Carlos’s help. He’s getting better at walking now, and Carlos can’t help but smile with pride as he remembers how hard TK has worked to get where they are.

It’s been a long, long road, and sometimes it’s felt never-ending. But seeing TK’s progress these past months, how much better he is compared to those first few days when there was still the fear that his body could give out at any moment… Well, Carlos considers it nothing short of a miracle.

Both the ambulance and the firetruck are parked in the bay when they enter the station and it doesn’t take too long for them to locate the team, all gathered around the kitchen counter. The new paramedic, Lukas, is there too—and this is one of the parts that Carlos had been worried about.

In truth, Lukas has been with the 126 for months, ever since it became clear that TK wouldn’t be able to come back even if he did pull through. He’s a good guy and fits in well, but he’s also TK’s replacement, so this meeting could go either way.

The team call out greetings as they approach and Lukas stands up, a wide grin on his lips. “TK, right?” he says, holding a hand out. “I’ve heard loads about you—man, I’m so sorry for what happened, really. It sucks.”

Carlos winces at the mention of the incident and watches TK carefully for his reaction. He stares in confusion at Lukas’s hand for a long moment before his brain seems to work out what he’s supposed to do. He takes his left hand out of the crutch, Carlos taking it and steadying him as he does so, and slowly shakes Lukas’s, eyeing him warily.

“H-Hi,” TK says eventually, Lukas’s good mood apparently infectious as he starts to smile. Carlos sighs in relief, then helps TK over to the counter and into a chair, fussing more than is probably necessary to make sure he’s comfortable. “Carlos, I’m fff-fine,” TK protests, though he’s grown more than used to Carlos’s protective behaviour by now.

Carlos just leans up to kiss TK’s forehead. “I know,” he whispers, stroking his cheek before sliding into the chair next to him. “I know you are.”

He’s pleasantly surprised by how smoothly things go from there. After all this time, the team are more than used to TK’s condition and Lukas learns quickly, adjusting his tone and mannerisms when he notices TK flinching at the louder noises and sudden movements. Seeing TK’s smile and his obvious happiness at being around the crew allows Carlos to relax too, and he finds himself pulled into a conversation with Paul and Marjan on the merits of chunky vs. smooth peanut butter.

Of course, things can never be simple for them. Carlos is about to suggest they get going—he’s noticed TK starting to flag, though he’s been making a valiant effort for the team’s sake—when the alarm starts blaring through the station and the crew jump into action.

It’s a scene TK has known his entire life, but the blows to the head he’d taken during the attack left him more sensitive to certain things, unable to process them as quickly as he used to. Judging by the panic that floods his face and the way he claps his hands to his ears, this is clearly one of them.

TK’s shock has him scrambling to get off his chair and out of the firehouse, but his diminished coordination and the fact that his hands are otherwise occupied send him pitching forward instead. Carlos is off his own seat in an instant, catching TK and holding him close to his chest, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Lukas catches his eyes as he runs past and he pauses for a moment, eyeing TK. “He okay?” he asks worriedly, and Carlos nods.

“It’ll pass.”

And it does; five minutes later, after the engines have pulled out and the noise has died down, TK starts pressing on Carlos’s chest, a sure sign that he needs space. Carlos steps back willingly, though not before making sure TK is steady on his feet. A bright flush colours his cheeks and he won’t meet Carlos’s eyes, and Carlos knows what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth.

“I’m s-s—” TK frowns and breathes slowly, concentrating hard. Carlos stays silent, knowing that this is something TK needs to figure out himself. “I—”

He growls in frustration, his eyes welling with tears. For all the progress TK has made, his recovery hasn’t been linear, and after a scare like the alarm just now, it’s harder for him to connect his brain and his mouth. They’ve been trying to take this one step at a time, but it’s been hard for them both, and TK always feels like he’s failing whenever he struggles to get a word out or when his fingers fumble over an everyday task.

Carlos has tried to tell him that it’s okay, but his husband is so stubborn that sometimes it feels like a lost cause.

TK’s hands are clenched into fists so tight that his nails must be cutting into his palms, so Carlos steps forward and takes them in his own, telegraphing his movements clearly.

“Hey, hey,” he says softly, worming his fingers in between TK’s. “Don’t do that. You’ll get there, it’s okay.”

TK sniffs, still refusing to look at Carlos, and snatches one of his hands back to wipe roughly at his eyes. Too rough, but Carlos isn’t able to stop him before a bright red scratch appears under his left eye—whether it was deliberate or not, he can’t tell, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. Carlos catches his hand again and holds them tight, pulling TK into his side.

“Let’s go home, huh?” he says, knowing that more reassurances will likely lead to more resistance from TK.

Thankfully, TK nods, and he allows Carlos to support him as they walk out the station. He stares despondently out the window once he’s situated, but he looks over when Carlos gets in too, which feels like a win in itself.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice clear, and Carlos can tell that the feat even makes TK a little happier.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Carlos says, leaning over to kiss him. “I’m proud of you.”

And, if TK’s bright grin is any indication, Carlos knows that he’s proud of himself too.

#911lsangstweek #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #lone star #911ls #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing #userbones #userjillian #tuserpaige #tuserjamie #reyeslonestartag

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bluefirewrites · 3 years

Text

T.Rex, Velveeta, and Other Fun Names

A one shot I made, thanks to @lydias--stiles and @blush-and-books.

We were talking about what Luke’s middle name could be and it sparked an idea for this quick little one shot (which is neither quick or little actually.)

Could also be read on AO3.

ENJOY!

____________

Lucas T. Patterson

The madness of this week all started when Julie thumbed through Luke’s journal and found her songwriting partner’s messy scrawl inscribed in the behind the front cover.

Yeah, it was his name, Julie would have griped about how illegible it was and moved on to whatever song she and Luke had been workshopping the day before and thought nothing of it-

If it weren’t for the fact that there was a flurry of deep inset scratches of pen scribbling out the space where his middle name was supposed to be, leaving only the ‘T’ unscathed…

“So I was thinking, maybe we change the key. I thought I was feeling A Major,” Luke rattled off, playing the aforementioned series of chords on his electric, “But now, I think we could really intensify it by flipping to a minor key-”

“What’s the 'T' stand for?”

The ghost looked up, confused, “Huh?”

Julie held up the inner cover of the journal, pointing to his name, “Lucas T. Patterson. The ‘T’- what does it stand for?”

It was a simple question, but all color drained from his face.

“O-Oh. Oh that?” Luke stammered through, struggling to rid himself of his guitar, the skull and rose strap kept swatting his face in his hurry.

She nodded.

He was across the room in seconds, back facing her, pretending to fiddle with the amp settings, even going as far as inspecting Alex’s drums. Thank goodness the drummer wasn’t there right now or else he would be getting a thorough lecture. ("Tell him to stop touching my drums!" extended to his bandmates as well).

“It, uh, stands for my middle name,” he said, still not looking at her.

“I get that. So what is it?”

“It’s nothing,”

Julie rose from the piano bench, traversing the studio until she was right behind him. She forced him to pivot and face her, “No, it’s clearly something.”

Luke gave a dismissive wave and a weak nonchalant laugh, “It’s not a big deal,”

“It clearly is if you won’t tell me,”

Then his head cocked to the side. He cupped his ear, “Uh, what’s that? I think I heard Carlos!”

“What?” She couldn’t hear anything.

“Oh, you need help, Carlos? On my way!”

“He can’t even-”

In a flash of light and warp of reality, Julie was alone in the studio.

“- hear you...”

Oh boy.

Now what was that about?

________________

Ever since then, Julie’s curiosity only grew. Why was Luke so evasive when it came to his middle name? What could possibly be the reason?

With all the secrecy and going great lengths to omit it from his journal, she was betting on it being insanely embarrassing.

Which made Julie want to find out even more.

Luke didn’t get embarrassed so easily, not much to weaponize against him whenever they all made playful jabs at each other from time to time, like the friends they were. Really it was stuff like ‘Beware, Luke this shirt has sleeves’ which basically translated to ‘Haha, you’re attractive’.

Which did not pack quite the punch.

She was determined to decode Luke’s middle name, if not to quench her curiosity then to humble the guy.

He couldn’t be attractive and talented. Something’s gotta give.

(And no, she didn’t often think about how attractive and talented he was… Nope. Not at all).

“Tristan?” she threw out while they were backstage at their next gig.

Luke tuned his guitar, “Nope”

“Thomas?”

“Nuh-uh”

“Terrence?”

He finally looked up, smirking, “You will never find out.”

The tech burst in, phasing through the ghostly forms of the boys, to lead her out onto the stage.

She inwardly cursed. Saved by the bell.

“Break a leg, boss,” Luke wiggled his fingers at her before she was practically pushed past the curtain.

Even when she sat down to play the piano, Julie could not get the image of Luke’s smug face out of her mind. Oh, he probably thought her attempts were just so cute.

Yeah, cute for now.

But she wasn’t done yet.

____________________

“Alright, guys. Help me solve the mystery. What’s Luke’s middle name?”

It was one of those rare occasions where Luke was out of the house, leaving her, Alex, and Reggie alone.

The boys had been present for her previous tries to weasel Luke’s middle name out of him, and they were amused for the most part- Well, never as amused as Luke ‘Thinks He’s All That’ Patterson (not a serious contender in her guessing, by the way).

With their reactions, and however many years of brotherhood shared among the three of them, Alex and Reggie just had to know.

They were all chilling in the kitchen, Reggie perched on top of the counter and Alex lounging at the table. Julie poured herself a juice, waiting on the answer.

The bassist straightened up, “Oh. It’s-” Then he stopped, face scrunched up in a frown of concentration.

Julie directed her gaze at Alex, who was ready to jump in.

“No, wait it’s…” He faltered.

The two boys’s heads snapped to stare at each other as they pieced it together.

“Dude, I don’t think-”

“No. He had to have. I’m just blanking,”

“Guys?”

“Oh my god,” Alex uttered, pushing his golden locks back into his cap, “It took us this long to notice?!”

They were now on their feet, sandwiching Julie.

“We... don’t...know,” Reggie winced, admitting it out loud.

“How could you not know?”

“I don’t think he ever told us!” was the bassist’s defense, “He’s Fort Luke when he wants to be!”

He made the gesture of locking his lips and throwing away the key to which Alex nodded.

“Now I wanna know!”

“Me too!”

Now this was a development. If Luke’s boys had no clue, then it must be really juicy.

Taking a sip from her cup, Julie was all ready to recruit two new members for the noble cause…

_________________

Julie, Alex, and Reggie huddled in a circle at the studio, all bearing notebooks and furiously whispering at each other and scribbling away when Luke decided to make an appearance.

They dispersed, making their collusion all the more suspicious.

“Luke,” They all greeted, with the same level of enthusiasm… at the same time.

The guitarist eyed them skeptically. Then he took in the notebooks, “You’re having a band meeting. Without me?” he asked, hurt flashed in his hazel eyes.

“No, silly. We’re having a band meeting about you,”

“Reggie!” Alex and Julie hissed.

That only added to Luke’s hurt and confusion.

Sending him a reassuring smile, she guided him to an empty chair, placed right in the middle, just beyond the coffee table, “Sit down. Please.”

“Okay?” Slow steps and weird stares later, his butt plopped onto the seat, “Can someone tell me what’s all this abo-?”

“Lucas Theodore Patterson?” Alex leapt in front of Luke, reading his guess off his notebook.

Luke’s shoulders slumped, seeing where this was all going.

“Guys, really? You too-?”

“Is it or is it not Theodore?” Julie backed Alex up.

“God no,”

Reggie was up next, “Lucas Timothy Patterson?”

The nose scrunch answered for them.

“Lucas Tyrone Patterson?” as was Julie’s turn.

“No flow,”

And so they were stuck in a circle for the next 20 minutes, everyone taking turns guessing Luke’s middle name, their lists growing more desperate and random as they continued, even going as far as borderline yelling the names at him- that was how frustrated they were.

“Lucas Troy Patterson,”

“No”

“Lucas Trixie Patterson?!”

“That’s not even- that’s not even a guys name-”

“It’s Tyrannosaurus Rex. I’m telling you. It has to be!” Reggie slammed his notebook down, poking Luke hard in the chest with his index finger, “Admit it! LUCAS. T. REX PATTERSON!”

“Boy, I wish,”

Their guessing game, once the last of the names have been recited, left all of them breathless (even though two of them were ghosts!).

On any other occasion, Luke would have been sympathetic, especially seeing how broken up and defeated they all looked collapsed onto the couch, glaring at him like he was the enemy.

But their fruitless attempts only made him all the more victorious.

“Nice try guys,” he patted each of them on the shoulder before heading out.

Best to give them a break.

Ya know, to deal with the defeat.

____________________

She was nothing if not persistent.

But Julie knew she might have been taking things too far when she had made the trip to Emily’s.

Look, she thought she could just pay the woman a visit, to check up on her, catch up-

Maybe ask leading questions in order to trick her into telling her her son’s middle name?

Yeah, the plan was flawed from the start because how could she so subtly direct the conversation to her dead son’s middle name.

Maybe get her to tell a story about Luke getting in big enough trouble that would have warranted the whole ‘yelling-out-your-full-name’ treatment? Which was a total stretch.

But she didn’t expect it to be the complete and utter disaster that it was.

If Alex and Reggie hadn’t gotten impatient and started snooping around Luke’s old room and digging through his things to find some sort of sign for his name, and if Luke hadn’t decided to intervene, creating all kinds of ruckus in other rooms for his mom to stop and check-

Then maybe they wouldn’t all be sitting on the Molina living room couch hours, getting read the riot act by Luke Patterson of all people.

“I had to tip over my aunt’s vase!!”

“Well, if it's any consolation, your mom always hated that vase?” Reggie chuckled before being promptly silenced by one look from Luke.

Alex spluttered, “But, like, you didn’t have to break it??”

“I did what I had to do,”

“Your mom was so freaked out!”

“Well, that’s on you guys,”

Julie just about had enough with all these games, she pushed herself up from the couch, squaring up against Luke’s unwavering gaze, “You’re being ridiculous!”

“Me?” he yelled, taken aback, “ You went to my house!”

“We just wanted to know!”

“Oh my god!” His hands gripped at his hair, “Why do you wanna know my middle name so badly?”

“I like knowing stuff about you, okay!”

Luke stepped back. Eyes wide.

That-

That wasn’t meant to come out.

Especially in the booming, shrill tone she used.

“Oh…”

Luke was playing with the sleeves of his oversized flannel, the air between them thick and brimming with awkwardness. It didn’t help that Alex and Reggie took this as the opportunity to flee.

Now it was just the two of them in the living room.

Breathing deeply to collect herself because it finally hit her- they were in a screaming match all because of a middle name . Like, Luke wasn’t the only one being ridiculous. It was her too. This whole quest to figure out what the T in his name stood for was so pointless.

They were fighting and Julie didn’t like it.

“And,” she cleared her throat, dislodging the unpleasantness, “there’s something clearly bothering you about it. Just… maybe thought I could help?”

Julie had been kidding herself. Messing with Luke might have been her initial goal, but what bugged her most about not knowing his middle name was the fact that even after all the time they spent together, there were things that Luke still wouldn’t tell her.

He was entitled to keep his secrets, yes, and she still felt bad for spying on him on his birthday. But, they were bandmates, writing partners, friends . She had confided in him a lot and he with her, and they just…

They always had this closeness. A closeness that she appreciated and didn’t take for granted.

And she had acted so recklessly because of it.

Luke nodded, taking it in. He didn’t look mad, but he understood. Julie could tell he was able to get more from her than the words she spouted at him.

“It’s, just,” his voice lowered into a self-conscious whisper, “It’s just something I don’t like a lot of people knowing...”

“I’m sorry. I pushed,”

“It’s okay,” the left corner of his mouth twitched, “You wouldn’t be Julie, if you didn’t” he playfully punched her shoulder.

She gaped at him in mock offense, “Hey!”

“Just saying. Tt’s not the first time you showed up on my doorstep, digging up my past,” she instinctively grimaced but Luke reached for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers, “But I know it’s coming from a good place. Thanks.”

He really shouldn’t be so forgiving, Julie thought. But she was just happy that they could just leave this mess behind them.

“I’ll get the guys to drop it,” she offered.

That made Luke laugh, “Good luck with that. Reggie’s wearing Alex down. Now he’s seriously considering my middle name to be ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’,”

“If it was that embarrassing, I’d see why you’d keep it a secret,”

It seemed like Luke wanted to say something but shook his head and thought better of it. Instead he tugged her by the hand to the door, “Come on. You never did give me your opinion on the key change…”

_______________

It was months later when it finally came out.

They were in her room. She was doing homework and he was getting a jump start on their newest song, working side by side on the floor.

Her laptop was open, some randomly chosen Spotify playlist streaming in the background. All was well when the familiar chords of ‘Get Lost’ started playing, causing Luke to visibly tense up.

“Trevor,”

“Right. Sorry, I’ll turn it off-”

“No. That’s…” He sighed and moved into a kneeling position.

Pushing his already opened journal to Julie, Luke flipped it to the cover, where his name was written.

He pointed to the scribbles over his middle name.

Where only the T was exposed…

Trevor.

“Lucas...Trevor...Patterson?”

“My full name. Ba-da?” his jazz hands fell flat, betrayed by the quiver in his voice.

“Oh,”

“I, uh, never liked how it sounded. And you know how I feel… about things that just don’t flow right”

Julie did. For sure. Scrapped lyrics and melodies were often what happened. Never to be brought up again.

He continued, “My mom would insist on writing out my full name on my notebooks for school- Luke Patterson is already so generic,” and the first genuine chuckle of the night huffed out, “Never used them for class of course. Just to write songs.”

“Tre-Bobby,” she corrected herself “He would have needed proof that he wrote everything...”

“My old notebook. That had ‘Get Lost’ and ‘Crooked Teeth’. Made the mistake of writing it in pencil. It’d be so easy to just-”

Slamming the laptop closed, silencing the song, Julie enveloped the ghost in a hug. He melted against her, hands gripping onto her shoulders from behind, for dear life, the weight of the reveal finally taking its toll.

“I didn’t like my middle name before. Now, I just- I just can’t stand it,” he whispered into her shirt.

“I’m so sorry, Luke”

“Were the songs not enough? He had to steal my name too?”

The ache carried by his voice made Julie squeeze tighter.

She had no words.

What Bobby did, what he took from Luke, was more than she could ever fathom. She didn’t know what to do, what to say to him to soothe the pain.

She only held him.

For as long as he needed.

___________

"How come Alex and Reggie never found out?" she would ask him later.

"Didn't make it habit to show off my journal"

She frowned, "But you let me read it."

Luke, too, had no words in response.

____________

“Hey, wanna go on a walk with me?” Julie asked him out of the blue one evening.

Luke could definitely use a break, especially from whatever row Alex and Reggie had just gotten into. He nodded and took her offered hand.

They took a stroll down her street, hands still joined but hidden in Julie’s hoodie pocket (as to not make it seem like she was grasping at air). The sun was beginning to set over the hills as they could see from their vantage point in the park, their set destination.

Julie seemed to have some purpose for this random walk because she was leading him around until they reached a tree in a more secluded part of the grounds.

Whipping out a pocket knife, Julie replaced her hand in her grasp with the odd tool.

“What’s this?”

“For a while, I lost all sense of what music meant to me. I thought music was my mom. That if she’s gone then there’s no point in going on,”

“Aw, Jules”

Her sunny disposition shone through in a smile, “It’s okay. I had to redefine music for myself. Give it new meaning. Music is not just my mom. It’s my family and Flynn. It’s you and the guys” she shrugged, “It’s me.”

“I would have told you that,” A tender touch to her forearm coaxed an even bigger smile from the girl, “You definitely are music.”

Momentarily distracted by the compliment, it took a moment for Julie to get back on track.

“What I’m trying to say is. I think it’s time for you to redefine yourself. There’s stuff in your old life that you miss, but there’s also stuff you want to leave in the past…”

It dawned on Luke what Julie was referring to.

“That ‘T’ is a placeholder. You could go by a different middle name. You could do whatever you want. You’re a ghost now. You can… move on. So,” she revealed the blade and placed it in his palm once more. She nodded at the tree.

“Go ahead. Go give your name a new meaning, Make your mark,”

Grinning, Luke picked up on her plan and began carving into the trunk, his initials, all three letters representing his name, with each mark easier to craft than the last, imbuing more love and meaning into them, just like what Julie said.

Once done, he admired his handiwork, floored by how cathartic it was, to have his name on something that was gonna last.

L.T.P

He was taking back his goddamn name.

He beheld it with pride.

“I’ll ask again,” Julie leaned against the tree, tracing the letters with her fingers, “What’s the 'T' stand for?”

With no hesitation he said-

“Thundercat,”

“W-What?” Julie choked.

He lost it at her reaction, “You said whatever I want. I loved that show as a kid!” he giggled.

“Lucas… Thundercat… Patterson,” Julie so badly wanted to make a comment, Luke could tell. But she changed her mind, “You know what? If it makes you so happy then go for it. Who am I to stop you?”

“Nah, I’ll think of something else later on. But it’s my afterlife. I could go through as many middle names as I want, right?”

“Exactly,”

Luke returned her knife and thought she was going to slip it back into her pocket. Instead, she strode up to the tree and proceeded to carve her own initials right below his.

“There. So your name doesn’t have to be lonely up there,” she folded up the blade and put it away.

“You know that, uh, couples usually do that kind of thing,” Luke couldn’t help but notice that, with the way their initials were oriented on the tree.

A rosy hue graced the girl’s cheeks, “Oh...yeah.”

A beat of silence followed, just the two of them staring at the tree.

“I like how our names look next to each other though,”

Luke nodded, a warm feeling settling in the pit of his stomach and rising, “Me too.”

Squinting, he read Julie’s initials, “ J.V.M. What does the ‘V’ stand for?”

A devious glint sparkled in her eyes, “Maybe you’ll just have to guess.”

“Aw come on!”

She raised an eyebrow, “Oh as if you made it easy for me?”

Ok. She had him there, “Fair enough.”

The whole walk home, Luke ran through all the ‘V’ names he could think of.

“Julianna Valeria?”

“Nope,”

“Julianna Vanessa?”

“C’mon, songwriter. Where’s the flow?” she teased.

Luke snapped his fingers, believing he cracked the code, “Victoria. After your aunt,”

“No. But imagine how mad she was when she found out,”

“Venus, Vanilla, Vaseline-”

“Vaseline?”

They were at her doorstep, and he bounded in front of her, blocking her path, “I won’t give up.”

“I don’t expect you to,”

“Velveeta. Like the cheese”

“It’s Valentina,” she finally said, pushing him aside, fishing through her pockets for the keys to open the front door.

“You got Valentina while I got stuck with Trevor?” She lucked out in the middle name department, that was for sure.

Of course someone like Julie got shacked up with a beautiful name like Valentina…

“I could change mine too. In solidarity,” she said offhandedly.

“If I go with Reggie’s suggestion: Tyrannosaurus Rex then would you be Velociraptor?”

“T.Rex and Velociraptor?” she laughed in disbelief, finally walking through the threshold of her house. Thank goodness everyone else was already upstairs.

“From this day forth, I will be known Lucas Tyrannosaurus Rex Patterson!” he confidently declared

“And I’ll be Julianna Velociraptor Molina!” she repeated, taking much pleasure in the absurdity of it.

“Were you a dinosaur kid?”

“You saw my slippers and my PJs...”

“True,”

_______

Luke didn’t expect for them to take the whole new middle name thing so seriously.

But if they so happened to greet each other next time with prehistoric roars and with him tackling her onto the studio couch and pretending to bite her like the carnivore he was, then that was for them to know…

And for Alex and Reggie to remain confused about.

__________

Bonus:

And after some years down the line and one magical reincarnation later, Luke decided to change his name again.

“Patterson’s okay,” he said to Julie, “But I think I need something new.”

“Oh yeah? What are you thinking?”

Luke went down on one knee, in front of the tree they marked up when they were teenagers, ring in hand.

“Molina sounds pretty good to me…”

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #jatp fic #juke #palina #juke-box #julie x luke #luke x julie #julie molina #luke patterson #for unofficial juke week #fandometrics babyyyy #almost had a tidbit here where flynn tries to say her last name but gets cut off #like why are we here thinking about luke's middle name #flynn and willie need last names

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beeexx · 3 years

Text

The missing Tarlos scenes from 2x06

Word count: 4.8 Read on ao3

.......

“You know you need to tell him this, right?”

“No, no, I really don’t.” TK protests loudly, by banging the frozen bag of chickens into the counter, hoping they will shake loose with the excess force he is using. Carlos lifts an eyebrow from where he is standing in boxers and an old tank top, too much skin on display for it to be good for TK’s health, cutting onions into small, stupidly neat pieces on the chopping board.

“TK….” Carlos begins, in that voice of his and TK turns around, eyes flashing.

“Carlos.”

Carlos huffs.

“Babe, this is clearly bothering you, and taking it out on our poor dinner isn’t ideal.” He points out.

“Oh, sure Carlos, I’ll just tell my dad that him having another kid is a terrible idea because I’m a prime example of how they messed up with the first one.”

“TK…”

“Oh and while I’m at it I might as well bring up how I am feeling about it and make it all about myself like I always do, that ought to go down really well.” He snaps and Carlos sighs.

“You don’t make everything about yourself.” TK lifts an eyebrow and Carlos snorts. “Okay, sometimes you do, but often not without a legit reason and this is definitely a situation I feel you’re entitled to feel whatever it is that you’re really feeling and express that.”

“Okay, well if we’re on the subject of telling parents what we really think then why don’t you take a page out of your own book and tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, oh, or better yet, the way you’ve been feeling for years about them refusing to acknowledge that you’re gay.” As soon as the words leave his mouth TK regrets them and he winces at the wounded look Carlos sends his way at his harsh words.

Fuck.

“That’s not the same thing.” Carlos mutters, he sounds bitter about it and were it not for the deeply thoughtful look also making its way across his features TK would take the words back immediately.

“I could have gone about that differently, sorry…. But, but isn’t that exactly the same thing as this is though.”

“We were talking about you.” Carlos points out in an attempt to deflect and TK just chooses to let it go because he doesn’t have the energy to have an argument about two different things at the moment. His head is enough of a mess as it is.

“My point still stands, talking to your parents about all the ways they have hurt you is fucking hard, okay?”

“Yes, okay I will agree with you on that.”

“And if you really want to make this all about me this time then fine. Try telling my dad, Owen Strand, Captain of the 126, adored by his crew, envied by even more, hero, cancer survivor, the list could go on for a long time Carlos, yes try telling that person that oh yeah by the way dad you neglected me as a child and now I have both abandonment issues, self esteem issues and a constant fear that no one is ever going to love me because I am not worthy of it, that will go down real well.”

He hits the bag three more times against the counter and lets out a triumphant sound as the frozen chickens finally rattle loose inside and he turns to hold it up to Carlos, a sly little smile at the corner of his lip, because his tactic did work even though Carlos had doubted it would. Carlos isn’t smiling though, he’s frowning, concern written all over his face, eyebrows pinched together and TK drops the bag in confusion.

“What?”

Carlos puts the knife down and takes the bag from TK, throwing it lazily, without looking in the direction of the kitchen sink before he steps up close, wrapping his arms around TK and pulling him close. TK lets out a huff of air, taken aback by the fierceness of the action.

“I hate it when you do this to yourself…” Carlos starts and TK sighs, wraps his arms around him back and nods against Carlos’ neck, can’t help but breathe him in, feeling the calming effect of it already working through his system.

“Sorry.”

“No, no don’t apologise.” Carlos leans back and TK looks up to meet his stormy eyes. He opens his mouth but he isn’t sure what to say.

“I love you, okay? So much and I wish I could hit that into your thick skull sometimes but I can’t, so I’m just going to have to spend every day in this relationship proving that you are indeed worthy of love and no past damage or mistakes will change that, okay?” TK can only nod, his throat suddenly thick with emotions he doesn’t know how to express.

“With that said, you’re not very good at keeping things bottled up, especially not for a long time and especially not something this big, so you should probably really think about what you actually feel about this whole situation before you choose to do that.”

“Judd said I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, something about me wanting to push the baby down a well or something because I couldn’t handle not being the only child anymore.”

“He said what now?” TK chuckles at Carlos’ incredulous look and he shrugs.

“It was some biblical reference I don’t know. Prodigal son?”

“Oh, like Cain and Abel, like a lesser known older brother and the jealousy that stems from it because it’s natural to resent the baby because you’re scared it’s going to take your place.” Realisation dawns on Carlos’ face and his eyes light up like they always do when he gets to talk about things he knows, which at times is a surprisingly big amount of random shit.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly that.” TK says sarcastically, gives Carlos a curious look.

“What? I read.” He shrugs and smirks proudly. TK hums. ”Well Judd is good at a lot of things, maybe giving advice isn’t his forte.”

“And yours is?” TK lifts a challenging eyebrow.

“I am an excellent advice giver, I’ll have you know. The issue isn’t me, the issue is everyone else and no one listening to what I’m saying.”

“Oh, so you have a lot of experience then, giving advice?” TK bites down his smile as Carlos glares without heat.

“I chased Michelle around for years when she was getting in trouble searching for her sister. I definitely have a lot of experience.” TK chuckles and leans up to kiss his nose. It wrinkles adorably and TK’s heart tugs in his chest. He loves Carlos so much.

“I love you too, so much. And I’m sorry for bringing up your parents again, that wasn’t nice of me.” TK apologizes and Carlos nods and watches back with quiet brown intense eyes.

“It’s okay, you were right though.” He grudgingly admits.

“Maybe, but there is no pressure, as I’ve said you can take all the time in the world that you need to figure it out and I’ll support you either way.” He promises and Carlos gives him a soft beautiful smile.

“Thanks.” Carlos whispers, grateful and TK nods, and gently starts scraping his knuckles against Carlos’ scalp, pulling at his curls in a way that makes his face soften immediately, eyes falling shut in contentment and his arms tighten around TK, breathing heavily. His reaction tells TK that Carlos feels really comforted by the way he is touching him and that he needed it more than he let on.

TK has always responded well to touch, Carlos picked up on that a lot quicker than most, but it’s also not uncommon for Carlos to like it as well. He just doesn’t always express it, so TK’s taken to doing it when he senses it’s something Carlos needs, while not always being aware of it himself. It’s these small gestures TK’s learnt, that you do for the other person and that they do for you that love really is.

Carlos’ eyes are closed and he’s letting out soft sounds of pleasure, it’s distracting as hell, and it’s making it even more difficult being this close to him and not kissing him, so TK does because he feels he can’t not do it, and angles Carlos’ head down and captures his lips in a searing hot kiss. As always when they kiss like this, starting out soft, but then growing with intention and heat, the slowburn of arousal starts to make its way through his veins, electric energy flooding his system. Only Carlos has this effect on him.

When Carlos reaches to grab at his hair and then bites at his lip it makes TK whine and chase after him when he moves back.

“Dinner, remember?” Carlos reminds him, but with his curls standing up unruly and his pupils dark with want, it’s very hard for TK to remember the reason why he can’t skip dinner all together and eat Carlos out instead. Carlos huffs and his hands tighten around his sides like he can read TK’s mind.

“After dinner.”

“Is that a promise?” TK asks slyly.

“Yes.” Carlos reassures and the slow self satisfied grin tugging at his lips is fucking obscene and TK cheekily grabs his ass in retaliation. Carlos knows the effect he has on him.

“You know cooking in boxers can be a fire hazard.” He points out.

“Good thing I know an excellent firefighter then.” He says and kisses TK hard on the lips before he steps away, walking back to his mostly finished chopped up onions, giving TK a very nice view of his ass in the black tight boxers he’s wearing. God, his boyfriend is hot as fuck.

The rest of the evening is so nice in fact that for a moment he doesn’t think about his parents or the baby, or anything other than how much he loves Carlos and how lucky he is to really have him in his life.

…….

TK unlocks the door to Carlos’ place, throws the bag towards what he hopes is the direction of the shoes, and puts his keys down in the bowl by the door, where Carlo’s are already lying. He steps inside and almost jumps out of skin when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the stairs, frowning and very clearly waiting for him. Most of the lights are off and it casts his features into stunning relief, even when angry, Carlos is too good looking for his own good.

“So, you heard?” TK gulps and Carlos nods.

“Yes, yes I did hear, from the group chat, but not just that, every goddamn news station in the state is covering how two firefighters jumped through a minefield to save two boys that were hurt.”

“Well, only one of them was hurt.” TK shuts his mouth when Carlos levels him with a deeply unimpressed look and he takes a slow step forward and tries again.

“In my defense, I am certified and I was qualified to do it.” TK stops, draws in a sharp breath, backtracks. “Are you mad?”

Carlos lets out a deep breath, and his features soften slightly before he shakes his head, scrubs a hand through his face and when he looks up his eyes are wide and sad.

“No, no, of course I’m not mad. Just extremely worried.”

“Oh?” TK asks, feels confused, scrambling to catch up with the change, having been expecting that Carlos would be upset with him. Carlos huffs and opens his arms and it’s all TK needs for him to take a few steps forward before he sits down between Carlos’ legs, wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling him close. Carlos plants a kiss in his hair, and tightens his grip around TK, almost unconsciously starts stroking his hands down his back and TK lets him, can’t push away the guilt that’s come on so strong, mixing badly with the elevation he’s also feeling after the day he’s had. But when his boyfriend reacts like this it can’t help but leave an acid taste in his mouth too.

“I’m not sure whether I want to never let you leave my arms ever again or brag to everyone that I am for sure dating a hero.” Carlos says and were it not for the slight tremor of his voice that he tries to conceal, TK would laugh.

“I wouldn’t mind never leaving your arms.” He admits because it sounds appealing, especially now, when adrenaline is starting to make way to exhaustion instead.

Carlos huffs.

“You’d get bored after a day or two.” He points out and TK shakes his head.

“You underestimate the excellent sex we do have, I’m sure I could be convinced for three days or so.” Carlos laughs, but then one of his hands wrap around TK’s wrist, feeling out his pulse, comforted by the steady thumping of it. TK lets him, allowing himself after the hectic day he’s had to tuck his face into the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck to breathe him in. They both have different ways of calming themselves down when the other one is near and on certain days they need it a little more than on others.

“Your pulse is beating insanely quick.” Carlos points out after a while and TK hums against Carlos’ neck, gives himself a moment before he detaches himself slightly so he can look at him.

“Adrenaline.” He shows Carlos his hand that’s still trembling slightly and Carlos’ eyebrow pinch in concern.

“I’m sorry -” TK begins because he really does hate it when Carlos is sad but Carlos shakes his head and interrupts.

“No, no, this is on me. I know you have a dangerous job that sometimes requires that you take risks, I just wish they didn't have to be this big, a minefield, that’s just insane.” TK nods, he understands.

“But also really cool.” He can’t help but let slip out, eyes alive in excitement and smirking. Carlos snorts and pokes his nose, a little hard maybe, but only a little.

“Yes and designed to give me a goddamn heart attack, you know I’m not even 30, by this rate I’ll be going grey before I hit 35.” He points out, gives TK a look that speaks volumes about how offended Carlos seems to be over that. He laughs and reaches for Carlos’ hair, tugging gently on it.

“I think you’d suit grey really well to be fair.” Carlos wrinkles his nose in distaste and it’s so adorable that he can’t help but laugh again and Carlos distaste slowly melts into something much softer and he sticks his tongue out instead like a mature 26 year old that he is. “And if we’re pointing fingers, remember that hostage situation a while back where an office was shot and I thought it was you because you wouldn’t answer your phone?” Carlos winces and he looks momentarily guilty about that because TK had been so fucking worried he could barely even do his job that day and when Carlos hadn’t answered by the time they were both off shift TK had lost it a little bit.

“Not my finest moment.” Carlos admits.

“No, so don’t go pointing fingers.” But he’s mostly joking even though that day had been scary as fuck, he so very much understands Carlos’ worry today, he really does. Carlos hums.

“How was it then?” He asks and TK bites at his lip, trying to figure out how to word everything. He turns towards Carlos and sits up on his knees, bringing him eyelevel with him and wraps his arms around his neck. Immediately Carlos’ hands come to rest on his waist, his fingers slipping underneath TK’s jumper to trace skin.

“It was incredible, well the minefield aside which was scary for sure, but after that I’ve been feeling like I’ve been on this incredibly long lasting high ever since.” Carlos lifts an eyebrow at the metaphor and TK shrugs sheepishly.

“Yeah, but it’s an apt metaphor for the feeling. I guess I haven’t felt good like that in a while.”

“No?” Carlos asks and there is no trace of judgement or anything in his voice, just kind and curious eyes looking at him. TK nods.

“The only other times I’ve felt this kind of high is you know actually getting high and when I’m with you, I guess the job’s been missing that spark for a while.” Carlos smiles and leans forward to plant a kiss on his nose.

“I’m not totally sure about comparing this relationship to a high.” He points out and TK snorts.

“I’m not, I’m comparing the feeling. Being with you is like pure happiness you know? I feel, just, like I’ve never felt before and even when it’s tough it’s worth it because I love you so much and I know deep down that you love me too and I never don’t want to spend my time with you, so yeah, the feeling is addictive for sure. I really just love you.” He goes quiet and Carlos' eyes have softened and he’s met by a look of pure love and a breathtakingly beautiful smile breaks across Carlos’ face before he pulls TK close and kisses him softly and slowly, making TK’s toes curl inside of his shoes.

“Fuck.” Carlos whispers against his lips. “I love you too, so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos says with adoring eyes and voice full of love before he runs his hand through TK’s hair and gently pulls him close, kissing him hard on his lips again. It’s TK who pulls back though making Carlos lift an eyebrow in surprise because it’s unexpected for TK to be the one to do this, so before TK can chicken out he blurts out the words.

“But I might have done something stupid…”

“Oh?” Carlos asks, amusement dancing in his eyes like he’s totally expecting it.

“Yeah, I might have handed in my resume to Vega for the position to become a paramedic.” He rushes the words out, hates the silence between them and can’t help but feel ridiculously nervous all of a sudden waiting for Carlos' reaction. Carlos opens and closes his mouth a few times then shakes his head.

“Okay, wait, I think you need to back up a few steps here so I can follow.” He says, confusion evident in his eyes. But he’s giving TK an encouraging look at TK takes in a deep breath.

“The minefield was not fun and the thought of what could have happened to me and my dad while out there was really scary. I’m not trying to take massive risks anymore, not when I have you to come home to.” Carlos smiles, lovingly, and gives him an encouraging look spurring TK on. “But I knew someone had to get to the kid and with the help of my dad and Vega that I could do something about it, so I volunteered. And the elevation afterwards, that all came from saving the kid. It just… it felt really good to save someone, to be the one to actually do it.” TK confesses loudly for the first time since his shift ended and he in the spur of the moment added his name to the pile in Vega’s office, and saying it makes him feel a little calmer than he has ever since walking off the field.

“Oh, okay.” Carlos says, not fully understanding yet what TK is trying to say, and yet being so patient with him, waiting for TK to figure it out.

“I don’t know, I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough in the field, like I could do more... and while I also know that’s not the case because every day we all go out in the field doing our best together. But I think I’ve been carrying this with me for a while now, it’s just that this year has been a lot, and even when there is a pandemic going on people still forget to turn their stove off, and they get into car accidents or have their cats escape up in trees unable to come down. The world hasn’t stopped, it’s been moving and I’ve been moving with it without having the time to reflect a lot on myself and the job. But today, I don’t know, I felt like something just clicked while out there and when I could really help him...I guess, I really liked doing it.” TK blushes because he’s been ranting and he’s averted his eyes but they move back to Carlos by their own accord and Carlos’ eyes have cleared from all earlier confusion, instead understanding has taken over and he nods his head thoughtfully.

“And that’s why you handed in your resume? Because you want to continue doing it?” Carlos fills in and TK nods biting his lip.

“D-do you… Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“It’s not up to me to tell you what to do babe, but you know what?”

“What?” TK asks, hanging onto every word he’s saying.

“I think you’d be good at it.”

“Yeah?” He asks, hopeful, and Carlos smiles.

“Of course, you’d be amazing at it, if it’s what you want.”

“It is yes, it’s what I want.” TK says with certainty. It’s just clicked, like all that has been shaking loose and upended recently inside of him finally settle a little more.

“Then yes, it’s an amazing idea. You’re going to be so good.” Carlos grins and TK melts because while he doesn’t depend on Carlos’ approval for this it’s so nice to see him be actually happy for him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos promises and TK releases the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and his own face breaks into a relieved smile.

“I think I could be good at it too.” He confesses a little shyly and Carlos beams and pulls TK slightly forward, his forehead resting on his and everything just settles for TK because nothing beats this, nothing beats Carlos.

“I’m proud of you.” Carlos says and TK can’t bite down the smile. But it falls off his face after a moment and he moves back, looks a little unsure again.

“I might have done something else that wasn’t very smart.” Carlos huffs, lifts an eyebrow, so ever patient with him.

“What did you do now?”

“I didn’t tell my dad…” He trails off and Carlos grimaces but then a look of determination takes over and he shrugs before he gently grasps TK’s face between his hands, stroking a thumb lovingly along his cheek.

“Well, you know what I think?” TK shakes his head. “I think it’s not any of his business really.”

That surprises TK to be honest and he lifts an eyebrow.

“W-what? I mean really?”

“Yeah, I mean maybe you should have told him before you just went and did it, but it’s your life and not his. And as long as you’re not doing it for someone else then it’s not really his choice to make.”

“I’m doing it for me, it’s what I want.” Carlos’ lip lifts in a proud smile and he nods.

“Good.”

“But, what if he’s not happy?”

“I don’t think he will be unhappy, maybe a little surprised and maybe give him a moment. But if he knows you like I do, then he will realise it’s a good thing.”

“Okay, I hope so.” TK musters up a wane smile, still can’t push away the spikes of anxiety about the conversation he’s going to have to have with his dad. But it can wait, for a little while at least.

“You know Vega is going to bust your ass right?” Carlos jokes, eyes full of mirth, smirking and TK snorts.

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

“I remember when Michelle started training under her, the stories she would tell me, Vega is badass and she taught Michelle who is also a badass, I’m expecting she’s going to do the same to you.”

“I’m already a badass.” TK reminds him and Carlos chuckles.

“True, I think she will do you some good though. Challenge you and allow you to really thrive under her, she has that effect on people.” TK nods.

“It’s a tough job…”

“Yeah, but as you said, you’re already a badass, you’re going to do great.”

“It will be nice to be the paramedic, rather than calling one.” TK says and it grows a little more serious between them.

“I mean -” TK clears his throat at Carlos’ silence. “I have experience of being on the other end and I know what it’s like being helped. I guess a part of me is looking forward to doing the helping.”

“I see, well you care so much about people and if you get a chance to show that, to show them this.” Carlos' hands move to cover TK’s heart and it flutters in his chest, warmth spreading to every cell of his body and he smiles shyly. “Then, well, you’re going to be very good at it.” TK bites his lip and nods.

“It feels… I don’t know, just right.”

“Good, that’s amazing.” TK doesn’t know what to say but he’s grateful, more than how he knows to express at the moment but in the way Carlo’s face softens, maybe he can read between the lines.

“Have you talked to Owen about the baby yet?” TK groans, can’t help but glare, the moment between them broken suddenly, like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown at him, and he moves his head away, hiding in the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck and nibbles at his skin making Carlos chuckle, twitching in his arms.

“No, not yet…” He says though, voice muffled by Carlos’ skin.

“Well, do you want to talk about it?” TK sighs but takes his head away and meets Carlos’ eyes.

“I feel… I mean I am happy for them of course but...” He bites at his lip, hard and Carlos reaches forward with his thumb to gently stroke it over the swollen redness making TK stop the action. He takes in a deep breath instead.

“But they always do this, and I don’t even think they are realising it, but they get so single-minded and focused on themselves that they forget everything else. The fighting isn’t fun, I’ve been in the middle of it and I know how lonely and unwanted you can feel when it happens. What they’re doing, it feels like they are just falling into the same patterns as before without even realising that they are, and it’s not going to last if they do it that way.”

Carlos looks thoughtful and TK feels annoyed and frustrated because he can’t help but think it makes his parents feel so irresponsible and it’s hard to come to terms with that because his parents in their own right are extremely competent people, it’s just when together, they aren’t always.

“I support you, I always will and your feelings here are valid and to be worried is honestly a sign of growth.” Carlos begins.

“Oh, you're calling me mature, that’s unusual.” TK jokes, changing the subject.

“I mean you’re definitely a hot mess, a terrible terrible driver for sure.” Carlos easily fires back.

“God, did Judd text you?”

“And filmed some of it. This is why I’m never letting you drive my baby.”

“Hold on, I thought I was your baby, and here I find out you have someone else on the side?” Carlos’ arms tighten around him, biting his lip, the smile threatening to take over.

“What can I say, I really like that car and I paid a lot of money for it.”

“It’s a terrible car for making out in.” TK reminds him and Carlos smirks, reminded of the few times they’ve gotten frisky in it.

“True, still not letting you drive it.” He teases and TK glares.

“Rude.”

“Maybe, but I care too much about the possibility of my greying hairs to get here sooner than I’d like to, to get into a car where you are driving us.”

“Well I might be a paramedic soon, so at least you'd be with someone where your odds are fractionally better if you were to get in an accident.”

“Still not letting you drive it Strand.”

“Worth a shot.” TK laughs and Carlos smiles.

“So, do you want dinner or?”

TK shakes his head.

“No, I’m good, but I’m getting too old to sit on my knees like this.” He grumbles and shifts to get the blood running again. Carlos chuckles and makes it all the easier by just scooping him up in his arms. TK yelps and Carlos grins, delighted by the sound. TK wraps his legs around Carlos’ waist, tightens his arms around his neck.

“Please don’t drop me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby.” Carlos reassures grinningly. “So, bed?”

“Bed.” TK agrees.

He lets Carlos carry him up the stairs and into the bedroom, feeling so safe in his arms, that whatever conversation that’s waiting for him tomorrow with his dad, doesn’t matter as much anymore.

#911 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk x carlos #911 lone star fanfiction #911 lone star fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos fanfiction

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Don’t you forget about me (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

Prompt: What if everybody forgets who you are?

Word count: 1,4K

Warnings: Mention of sex

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler/ reader

Category: Fluff

Masterlist

- “This is weird, can we watch something else, please?”

Matthew moved his arm around the couch until he found the remote control. (Y/N) turned to him and raised an eyebrow, a little confused. There was a red carpet interview with Gubler on the screen, nothing they had never seen before. Why was Matthew being so shy?

They were in their pajamas, it had been a very long and exhausting week for both of them: Matthew had just arrived from Monte Carlo after being part of the TV Festival, and his girlfriend had just completed writing the manuscript for her new book. Neither of them had slept much in the latest days, so their only plan was to stay on the couch in front of the television, in their pajamas, eating ice cream.

It had been a lazy day, which they deserved. Lots of movies, making out and napping.

- “Where is all that shyness coming from, “Mr. Let’s take pictures with no pants on in the middle of the street and upload them to every social media available”?”

(Y/N) had to ask and Gubler chuckled, scratching his eyes and not saying a word for a moment. He was too tired to do anything, probably too tired to have that conversation too.

- “I just don’t feel like seeing my face on the screen”

- “I like seeing your face on the screen”- she teased and poke out her tongue to him. Matthew smiled and caressed her legs with his thumbs sweetly.

She was sitting on his lap and his arms were wrapped around her protectively. They hadn’t been together in over a week, and all they wanted was to keep each other as close as possible.

- “Really?”- he questioned with a smile.

- “Yes, and I also like seeing your face in some other places”- Gubler looked at her and ran his tongue through his lips slowly.

- “Like where?”

- “My screen lock”- the girl answered and smiled innocently- “On the pillow next to me every morning… on my phone when you call me”

- “That��s sweet”- he leaned and left a tiny little peck on her lips.

- “And most of all, I love seeing your face between my legs”

(Y/N) whispered in his ear and Matthew Gray Gubler blushed. Somehow, after all those years, they could still make each other nervous, and fill their stomach with butterflies.

- “I love being there too”- his voice was low and his lips rubbed hers slowly. She giggled nervously and looked into his eyes.

- “If your face looks so good everywhere, then why do you get so shy to see it on tv?”

- "Really?”- he raised an eyebrow and cut (Y/N) a smirk- “You wanna go back to that instead of talking of my face buried between your legs?”

- “I’m just curious… and I’m still sore from last night, and earlier today, so I need a little break from that… give me another hour and I’ll be ready to go

Matthew laughed and nodded. Yes, he might have been a little rough on (Y/N), but only because she liked it… and he enjoyed it all too much.

- “Fine, but we’ll revisit that thought in a while, ok?”

- “Yes, daddy”- she answered and bit her lips, giving him the most playful smile possible.

- “Don’t tease me…”- his hand tightened on her waist and leg, moving her closer (if possible) to him, nearly leaving bruises on her skin. Again.

- “Sorry, daddy…”- (Y/N)’s words left her lips quickly making him groan, and she had to make her best to hide her excitement at the reaction. She was sored, she was tired, but she was always ready for some more rough sex with Matthew.

- “Are you sure you wanna wait?”- Gubler murmured and she nodded- “Damn!”

- “Just a little bit…”- he sighed defeated and kissed the tip of her nose

- “Fine”

- “I’m gonna make more tea, do you want some?”

- “Tea? maybe”- he made a pause- “Cookies? definitely”

- “I’m pretty sure there are no more cookies left”

The couple walked to the kitchen, and immediately Matthew went through all the cabinets and pantry, searching for cookies.

- “I told you, we are out of cookies”- (Y/N) looked at her boyfriend, who seemed actually upset- “But, I can bake some”

- “No, Bunny, it’s ok”

- “Come on Gub, we can kill some time before you can hide your pretty face between my legs again”- she teased and smiled- “Besides, baking cookies take less than half an hour, give me a hand and pass me the flour and the sugar… chocolate chips? oatmeal and raisins? snickerdoodles? what do you want, honey?”

- “Chocolate chips, no questions asked”- Gubler grabbed the flour, sugar, and chocolate chips from the pantry and left them on the island.

- “Great, just give me a few minutes and you’ll be eating fresh homemade cookies”

Matthew stared at (Y/N) baking. She was humming a song and mixing all the ingredients in a bowl. He couldn’t stop smiling at the scene. He felt everything in his life could fall apart, but if he could just stay with her in their kitchen, cooking, and talking, everything was going to be ok. Always.

- “What if everybody forgets about me one day?”

Matthew thought out loud. He was eating chocolate chips as (Y/N) put the baking sheet with cookies into the oven. The question came out of his mind unconsciously. He actually didn’t even know where that thought was coming from.

- “Forget like… we all suffer from amnesia somehow, or…”

- “What if people don’t like my work anymore, and everybody forgets my name… and I’m just Matthew”

- “I like Matthew”- (Y/N) smiled and turned to him- “I actually love that guy”- he looked down, playing with a few chocolate chips on the table before putting them into his mouth.

- “Do you want people to forget who you are?”- he shrugged at the question, feeling (Y/N) standing in front of him, kissing his chin.

- “Sometimes I see those interviews or pictures of me and think: that ain’t me”

- “Why?”

- “‘Cos… it’s still weird to do that, I guess”- Gubler was whispering, and rambling. Maybe he was too tired to have a coherent thought. Maybe he was finally trying to understand why he was always so uncomfortable watching interviews of him on tv or magazines.

- “It’s part of your job, we all have something that’s not…”

- “I don’t hate to do it, I just don’t feel comfortable when I see it”

- “We don’t have to see it… we can see Shemar instead, did you ask him where he gets his eyebrows done?”- Matthew burst out laughing immediately and turned to his girlfriend, who was grinning at him.

- “What? it’s a really important question! I need answers, Matthew Gray!”

- “Fine, fine, I’ll text him”

- “Thank you, now set the timer… and let’s find something to do for ten minutes”- she walked to him and rubbed her lips against his neck, licking and biting it slowly.

- “You know what I can do in ten minutes”

- “I would never forget what you can do to me in ten minutes…”- (Y/N)’s hand played on his hair and moaned against his lips as he kissed her sweetly at first, to then change to lust, wrapping his arms around her tighter, running his hands underneath her pajama in no time.

- “I’m gonna make sure to refresh your memory anyway”

It only took Matthew a second to grab (Y/N)’s thighs and pull her up against the wall. His lips didn’t leave her skin, kissing every inch of it and leaving a trail of bruises from her lips to her breast in no time. The girl felt the urgency in his action and moaned at his touch. But before he could go any further, she pulled his hair gently and forced him to look at her.

- “I don’t think people are gonna forget about you, honey”- she reassured him with a sweet smile- “You are too awesome at what you do, and you make so many people happy every day, you make the world a little better”

- “Thank you”- he murmured and sighed

- “And no matter what, I promise I am never going to forget who you are, Matthew Gray Gubler”- the sweetest smile appeared on his face and his cheeks blushed a little. He just stared at his girlfriend, carefully tugging some flicks of hair behind her ear.

- “You are not, and even if fell, hit my head and I lose all my memories, I am certain I would remember you anyway”

- “I bet I’m not easy to forget”- he whispered jokingly and she agreed instantly.

- “Really?”

- “I better get used to having you close then.”

- “Really, you are not gonna get rid of me”- Matthew leaned over and kissed her.

#matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler fanfic #spencer reid #criminal minds #fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #i want him to be my daddy #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #dr spencer reid #mgg is my daddy #mgg fanfiction #matthew gray gubler x reader #babymetaldoll writes

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betelgeusessonajblog · 3 years

Text

Carlos’ Story

So I’m not doing the “FULL LIFE.” of Carlos but from when he was about 17-30ish. Carlos’ Childhood was pretty much normal. Loving parents, did well in school, had some bullies here and there but nothing awful. Anyways Enjoy

A young 17 year old Carlos sits with four of his friends, watching TV. It was the weekend for them and they were trying to find something fun to do.

One of the monsters sighs, he was a grey monster with a pair of horns on his head and was on a bit on the chubby side, turns to his friends and says “Alright fuck this I’m bored, TV sucks ass. You guys up for doing Truth or Dare?”

The others looked at Each other before shrugging “Couldn’t hurt.” was the general consensuses. It beat sitting around being bored all day.

So they all went upstairs to the grey monster’s bedroom, Carlos folds his arms a little “I think we should agree on one thing: Nothing extreme that could get us in hospital or in trouble, Sammy.”

The grey monster, Sammy, nodded in agreement “Sounds good to me. Last thing I need is my parents biting my head off.”

“Doesn’t that kinda defeat the purpose of Truth or Dare?” Another monster asked, this one was a monster that had tentacles for legs and spikes on his head.

“Dan, don’t you remember the fucking BITCH fit my mom had when she saw those broken boards when we broke them for fun? they weren’t even being used for anything, just sitting around.” Sammy said as he shook his head.

“Didn’t one of those boards also fly up and smack you in the junk?” Carlos asked as Sammy winced

“Yeah....Alright so her anger wasn’t unwarranted....” Sammy said before muttering under his breath “washopingyouguyswouldn’trememberthat.”

The others chuckled before they sat on the floor and began playing Truth or Dare. Some of the dares were dumb like letting the darer to send a nonsense text to a random contact in their phone or do laps around the house backwards which usually ended up with someone falling flat on their ass.

They knew if they do anything stupid they would end up in MASSIVE trouble so they had to keep it as tame as possible. They didn’t care though, they were joking around and having fun, laughing like idiots.

At one point on one of Carlos’ turn, Sammy asked him ‘Truth or Dare’ and up until now, he had been trying to avoid dares as much as possible so deciding to try something different Carlos answered “Alright...Dare me.”

Sammy folds his arms as he thought for a few moments before smirking “Alright....I dare you to...Kiss Mike.”

Mike, whom was drinking his soda, did a spit take hearing that and began coughing “Wh-What?!” they exclaimed in unison

“You heard me. I dare you and, Mike to kiss.” Sammy smirked as he leans backwards, Dan snickers a little at their reaction.

Mike looks at Carlos, both of them sighed heavily, they were reluctant to do it but decided “Fine, can’t ruin the fun.”

Mike moved closer to Carlos and they both took a moment before sharing a brief kiss on the lips before Mike quickly pulled away, wiping his mouth “Ugh why’d you dare that?”

Sammy chuckled “Cause it’s funny seeing you guys freak.”

Carlos was silent for a few moments before looking at the time “Alright, I gotta head off. Mom and, Dad’ll kill me if I’m out too late.”

“Aw you aren’t staying longer? Was Mike that bad of a kisser~?” Sammy snickered.

Carlos shook his head “Goodbye, you dorks.” he said before heading back to his house and greeted his mom and, dad. They told him they would order dinner tonight so Carlos smiled before heading upstairs.

He grabbed a quick shower before changing into his pyjamas then sat down on the bed. He sighs a little as he begins to think over that...kiss It felt...oddly nice...he lays down and begins thinking it over.

The last few weeks he’d found himself checking out his classmates or staring at an actor in a movie he was watching. He blushes lightly as he starts to realise he was interested in guys. This was the first time he had ever thought about it but....yeah he couldn’t deny it, he liked guys.

Over the next few days, Carlos had kept quiet to himself thinking if he should come out to anyone or not. When in class, he’d occasionally glance at another guy.

One evening, Carlos was browsing the web, looking at websites for advice about this kinda thing. He’d got his homework done for the night so he had time to kill.

There were some horror stories about someone being disowned for coming out to his family so that started to freak him out, what if his parents reacted the same way? What if they disowned him and kicked him out? No...they wouldn’t do that...would they? They loved him....right?

Soon his Mom came to the bottom of the stairs and called up to him that the dinner they had ordered had arrived.

He got out of his seat then headed downstairs and sat at the table then began to eat his dinner.

He was silent as he ate which his parents noticed, Carlos’ dad looked at his wife then to Carlos “Carlos? are you alright, son?” he asked, concerned that something happened to him.

Carlos paused for a few moments before putting his fork down “...I um...” he sighs heavily “I...I realised something about myself recently...”

HIs parents looked confused before Carlos continued “...Over the last few weeks....I started....checking out other guys....and I’ve realised I...I really like them...w-we were playing Truth or Dare the other day and I was dared to kiss Mike and we did and...it...the kiss felt nice...I’m not into him in that romantically but I honestly...I liked how it felt....”

Neither of them said anything until Carlos was finished speaking to which his mom said “Oh honey we love you no matter what.”

His dad nodded in agreement “Yeah, son. We’ve always told you that we’d love you no matter what. You’re still our son, you’re still Carlos.” they were both smiling, all that worrying....for nothing.

Carlos couldn’t help but begin to cry, feeling relieved that he’d came out to his parents, that he was able to talk to them. His parents got up and gave Carlos a long hug, this was more than enough to reassure his mind that it was real, he was accepted.

The following year after graduating from high school, Carlos came out to Sammy, Mike and, Dan. They said they were cool with him, he was still the same ‘dork’ they’d always known.

Carlos had decided to attend the local community college with Sammy whilst Mike and, Dan had gone to different ones. The first day at college was uneventful and rather boring.

Carlos and, Sammy got the full tour of their campus and had managed to get their ID’s sorted out and their dorm room keys. They weren’t in the same dorm but were neighbours which they were both happy about, long as they could still hang out.

Carlos checked his dorm key number then the door before he unlocked it then walked inside. On the bed, reading a book, was a dog-like monster had two small horns on his head, he had a pretty muscular body from what Carlos could see.

The dog-like monster looked up from his book, his eyes were a light blue colour, He smiled a little “oh hey, you my roomie?” he asked

Carlos nodded “Yep, I am.” he walks over with a smile as he put his bag down on the free bed “I’m Carlos Garcia.” he said as he held his hand out to shake the dog-like monster’s hand.

He smiles before shaking Carlos’ hand “I’m Oliver Sanders. You can call me Ollie. It’s nice to meet you, Carlos.”

“Likewise.” Carlos said with a smile as he sat down. The two began to chat, and get to know each other. They laughed about how long the tour took, bonded over video games they’d played or movies they’d seen.

Over the next few months Carlos and, Ollie had began hanging out a lot. Playing games in their down time when not studying, they'd watch movies together. Slowly but surely Carlos started to fall for Ollie, the two of them were enjoying each other’s company but, Carlos didn’t say anything at first.

One evening whilst the two were watching a movie, Ollie snuggled into Carlos which caused the lizard to blush heavily. He slowly wraps an arm around Ollie whom smiled a little before looking up “Finally making a move, huh?” he asked

Carlos looked down “Wh-What...?” he blushed deeper before Ollie snickered then sat up “Carlos....for the last month I’ve had feelings for you....”

"Y-You do...?” Carlos asked as Ollie nodded smiling “...I...I like you too...a lot....”

Ollie smiles before leaning in a little, Carlos did the same. And soon the two were kissing each other deeply and passionately, they moaned softly as they made out before eventually pulling away.

Ollie smirked a little “God you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that.”

Carlos panted a little as he pressed his forehead against Ollie’s “I’ve...never kissed anyone like that....”

“Yeah...? Well I’m so happy we got to do that, handsome.” Ollie said still smiling.

The two spent the remainder of the night, talking about when they realised they were into guys. Carlos told Ollie about the dare and how he was panicked. Ollie told Carlos about how he and his best friend made out when they were seventeen but nothing ever came from it, relationship wise. It was just two friends experimenting.

Ollie admitted that he had never came out to his family, he was too afraid to do so. Carlos understood and told him he’d support him no matter what.

Eventually summer came so Carlos and, Ollie decided to hangout together at Ollie’s home a lot. Luckily for them they were only half an hour away from each other so when they got home for the summer, things went well at first.

They met each others friends and everyone ended up getting along together rather well and hung out constantly. They’d chill out at the arcades or go see a movie. Things were going great.

That is until Ollie decided to come out to his family, he knew that he and Carlos’ relationship couldn’t remain hidden forever. Especially considering they could be seen by Ollie’s older brothers.

This...didn’t go well for poor Ollie, unfortunately. His family were instantly furious hearing their son was “a faggot.” called him all kinds of names not just faggot but all sorts of nasty things. He was ultimately kicked out of his house and ended up spending the night at Carlos’ place

Carlos spent the night holding Ollie, kissing him and telling him that they weren’t worthy of having him in their life.

A few days passed and, Carlos got some of his and, Ollie’s friends together and told them what happened. They decided they’d pull together what money they had to get Ollie an apartment for a while.

Ollie was absolutely touched by their gesture and so grateful for his friends and, boyfriend. They had got him some furniture and, Carlos’ parents chipped in a little so Ollie would have some groceries.

Ollie and, Carlos sat together on the couch that night, Ollie was laying with his head on Carlos’ lap, the lizard was stroking his boyfriend’s head gently.

“You....you’re an incredible boyfriend, Carlos..” Ollie said as he teared up again “S-Sorry I just can’t believe you’d do that for me.”

Carlos kisses Ollie’s forehead gently “Of course I would, Oll...you mean the world to me....”

"....I...I love you, Carlos...” Ollie said as he took Carlos’ hand “I mean that....”

Carlos smiled a little before kissing Ollie on the lips “I love you too, honey....”

That night, the two had sex together for the first time. Up until that point, they were both too nervous to do it but this time, it felt right. Showing how much they loved each other. It was gentle but passionate.

A couple days later, Ollie got himself a job at a retail place. He couldn’t rely on everyone else paying for his apartment for ever. The job wasn’t the best but to Ollie, it was better than nothing

A few weeks pass, Carlos had walked Oliver to work due to him having to do some errands for his mom and Dad. So when they got to the front door, Carlos gave Ollie a small kiss on the lips before Carlos walked off to do what he needed to do.

As soon as Ollie walked in, his boss began to yell at him for ‘indecent display’ with Carlos. Calling them vile, sinners and that they should be ashamed of themselves and soon the boss fired Ollie, despite Ollie trying to defend himself.

Things unfortunately spiralled out of control for Ollie rather quickly after that. Despite trying his hardest to get a job, he failed to find one that would either give him decent pay or one that was hiring.

Eventually, Ollie lost his apartment and ended up being homeless. Some nights he’d sleep at a homeless shelter. So when he hung out with his friends and, Carlos he would act as though everything was okay.

When he’d stay at Carlos’ home for the night, Ollie would use Carlos’ bathroom to shower and wash his fur. Carlos didn’t think anything was wrong cause Ollie kept acting like his usual, happy go lucky self.

That is until Carlos found out about Ollie being fired which lead to them having their first ever fight. Ollie still never admitted to his friends or Carlos that he was homeless, just that he lost his job because his boss was a douche.

They started fighting more often when their friends found out about Ollie losing his job due to his sexuality. Eventually they smoothed things out and apologised to each other.

One night, two months after losing his job and ending up homeless, Ollie was sat with Carlos eating dinner together in Carlos when Ollie looked at his partner “So um...I’ve been thinking......maybe we should...move in together?”

Carlos, whom was in the middle of drinking a soda, began coughing and sputtering “W-What??”

“I said, I think we should move in together.” Ollie repeated himself, a serious look on his face.

Carlos coughed a couple times “A...Are we ready for that??” he asked after he stopped coughing

“What? are you saying you don’t want to move in with me??” Ollie asked, feeling upset at the thought of not living with his boyfriend.

“H-Hon we’ve only been together a few months. W-We’re still in college. S-Shouldn’t we think about that after we graduate?”

Ollie didn’t say anything, he was hoping Carlos would jump at the chance to move in together...they loved each other so much, right? He sighed but nodded a little “Y-Yeah I’m sorry hon.” he got up and grabbed his coat “I’m gonna head home for the night.”

“You don’t wanna stay over?” Carlos asked to which Ollie shook his head

“Nah...I’m...I’m gonna try and get an early night then see if I can find a job. Gotta keep at it. I’m okay, hon.” he smiled before heading out the door. Carlos walked to the door “...I love you, Ollie....”

Ollie turned his head to Carlos and gave, what looked like, a genuine smile “I love you too, Carlos.”

After that night, no one saw Ollie for a few days. Carlos began to get more and, more worried. He tried Ollie’s apartment at first but quickly found out his boyfriend had been lying to him for a while about still living there when a new tenant opened the door.

Carlos called Sammy and their friends to help him find Ollie which everyone agreed to. They spent the next two days trying to hunt him down, checking all of Ollie’s favourite spots.

There was one last spot that Carlos hadn’t checked, it was a spot that Ollie had told him about that he used to hide out in when Ollie was a kid.

Carlos decided to check out that area, he looked around remembering the small details Ollie told him. Eventually Carlos gets to where Ollie told him about where he would hide.

Upon arriving there....Carlos saw Ollie hanging on a tree, a noose tied around his neck...lifeless. He dropped to his knees and begins sobbing uncontrollably, he had lost his partner in a matter of seconds.

He spots a note attached to Ollie’s body so Carlos shakily stands up and and takes the note off Ollie’s torso then begins to read the note

‘My dearest Carlos...I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner but I’ve been dealing with depression for quite some time now. I hadn’t told you this but I had lost not only my job, but I also lost my home. That’s why I asked you about moving in together. But please understand that this was NOT your fault, not at all. I just...I can’t handle this any more. So...I decided to end my life. I will never stop loving you, Carlos. I will always be watching over you. You were the greatest part of my life for the last few months or so. I’m so glad that I got to spend time with you. I love you always....Ollie.”

Carlos wailed and sobbed uncontrollably, he felt so guilty over losing his partner. He begins going over everything in his head, thinking had he just noticed sooner, maybe he could’ve helped Ollie.

Those next few weeks were the darkest of Carlos’ life, he found himself fighting depression, There was a small funeral for Oliver that Carlos’ family raised money for. They loved Ollie as if he were their own so this was the least they could do.

Carlos went there and was very...numb during the funeral....but eventually broke down watching Ollie’s coffin being lowered into the ground. His parents hugged Carlos tightly, this was something they never wanted their son to go through.

Many years later, Carlos had been in therapy for a year after Ollie’s death and it was still something that haunted him every now and then. Things had changed quite significantly since then.

During his time in college, Carlos decided to get a job to after everything that had happened, he wanted to be independent from his parents and not rely on them for money any more.

So he found himself working in a strip club as a waiter until three years later at 21, he was asked to cover a co-worker’s shift due to them being sick.. He was reluctant to do so due not feeling confident in his ability to dance but he agreed to do it, thinking it’d help him.

And so, Carlos found his passion for dancing after his performance was well received.

One night lead to Carlos’ life changing in the best way ever. Whilst heading home from work, a young lizard attempted to pick his pocket and Carlos caught him in the act and chased him to an alleyway.

When he caught the young lizard, he paused and took note of the lizard’s appearance....he was homeless....just like Ollie was. After introducing themselves to each other and hearing AJ’s story, Carlos decided to take him in.

He didn’t want someone living on the streets, not if he could do something about it...maybe this was his attempt at helping the guilt he still felt to this day over Ollie’s death.

#cw suicide #tw suicide #tw hanging #cw hanging

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